An interesting topic of conversation that affects everyone… gender equality.
At our 19-week scan during pregnancy, my partner and I found out that our first baby together was to be a boy. I’d always held a picture that I’d have a girl and this led me to feel curious as to why I had thought this: where had such a thought come from? I had also been told by a few people that they thought I’d have a boy and I instantly felt a reaction to the thought of this in my body, which again led me to observe myself and my beliefs more and delicately uncover what was really going on for me underneath them.
I discovered that I was reacting to a number of things:
Everywhere I looked, boys were being dressed in clothes that were of certain colours – blues, greens and black – and they were also surrounded by certain details, such as cars and trucks or super-heroes and crossbones.
This, I noticed, wasn’t just the case for boys however, as I observed the colour choices for girls; these were also grossly over-represented by pinks and frills. Did I really think that girls had more expression options than boys or was it perhaps a case that both sexes and their expression are quite stereotyped? With this came an understanding of the society in which we all live and thus the way in which our retail stores, ideals and beliefs are consequently set up to uphold and promote the gender stereotypes.
Boys are raised to be ‘tough,’ ‘rough’ and ‘tumble’; if they are hurt, they’re told to drink a cup of concrete and harden up and, quite frankly, to not be too sensitive.
I was sensing my reaction to this as well, as I know that when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t? And yet as boys and girls grow up, they are rarely cherished and supported from their families, schools and society for these same qualities. These qualities, that are an actual part of who they are for their entire lives, whether it is honoured by themselves and others or not, remain a fact.
Many people have shared their beliefs on raising boys, such as teaching them to handshake firmly to portray their strength or the advice that raising boys is actually easier and simpler than raising girls.
The responsibility of raising a boy is huge, but it’s also very simple in truth and no different to raising a girl.
We each have our own unique way of expression and this is what needs to be fostered and connected to in our children. My partner and I aren’t raising our children to be like us or follow our traits, as they are their own people, with their own learning in life to come. We are also conscious of the fact that we are not raising children to ‘fit society,’ to improve on our own childhoods or parents, or even to replicate them.
As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. It is from this true understanding of self that gender equality is naturally felt, understood and lived. From this foundation a boy or girl, man or woman can express themselves and their gender to reflect the gorgeousness, preciousness and tenderness of who they simply are… and through whatever colours they choose!
By Cherise Holt, 32, Brisbane
Further Reading:
Gender Equality – It Starts With Me Now
Equality – What Does It Mean?
Love – the missing link in gender equality
We all come into the world equally delicate and tender and this feeling remains regardless of the external pressures and expectations. We all have a choice to stay aligned to truth and live our delicateness and tenderness, which is to live with the strength of knowing who we are.
I caught myself recently saying to a girlfriend that they could have a pink tea pot for their tea as they were a girl! It just came out this gender stereotype. I had to stop to consider where on earth did this comment come from? It’s when I stop to consider what has just left my mouth is not me that was not my thought but one that dropped into my mind. Which got me wondering what else drops in so that I then become a mouth piece and say anything that comes into my head? So who is actually thinking me or something else that is using me as their vehicle of expression?
Even before we are born we have this catalog of pictures, ideals and beliefs that come our way and follow throughout our lives. I still find myself being talked down to by mechanics who think women don’t know anything about cars. Both genders have their strengths and weaknesses and that’s beautiful because we can’t have one without the other.
As a society we all have a responsibility to see that we do not pander to children but to be Loving in every way and understand they are actually very aware of the energies that are around us all ,so in this awareness we can treat everyone the same even a baby, then we would never talk down to a child as we are all equal.
What a difference to many children it would make to be brought up in connection with their essence and knowing and living their amazingness, ‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’
Challenging the current gender stereotypes is crucial if we are to enable future generations to grow up in true gender equality. The more we support our young people to connect to their unique essence the less they will feel forced into roles that do not fit.
It’s interesting how we so quickly lose the qualities of tenderness and deep respect for one another. It is almost like, as children, we understand that to survive and better still make our way in the world we have to become less than how we feel, and less than what we know is true. When we can raise our children to retain their own sense of self, having confidence in themselves because we allow them to express and live from their own heart and their own inner knowing, then we are giving them a chance to retain these qualities of tenderness and deep respect and to live their own way rather than sacrificing themselves to age old beliefs and ideals.
Gender equality does not mean we all express the same, it means in essence we are the same and in that essence we hold the tenderness, delicateness, beauty and power that we all are.
There is an enormous responsibility with parenting as often without realising we impose our ideals and beliefs of what we think it means to be a man or a woman or anything for that matter in life onto our children. It is these ideals and beliefs that cap someone from being who they truly are.
Recently we have been receiving all the “Father’s Day” catalogues and they are being offered alcohol, BBQ gear, sports stuff, tools and lots of food. Such stereo type to the pampering things that come out in “Mother’s Day” catalogues.
First and foremost we are all equally gorgeous, sensitive, divine beings and should be honoured as such regardless of gender, race, nationality etc etc. If we allowed our children to be and express who they naturally are the world would be a very different place.
Raising boys and honouring their natural tenderness they can still enjoy playing with cars and trucks – even when they are adults.
Yes, it is the quality they live with when taking part in these activities.
It may be harder for parents to resist the role pressure from others when their child is a boy than when it is a girl. It may therefore be easier to raise a girl as there are fewer stereotypes to resist in early childhood.
I am about to bring a boy into the world and reading this blog is very inspiring to read – as it shows how we do not need to see ourselves as different simply because of gender – and that the colour of clothing we wear can be a reflection of our expression and not just our gender.
absolutely, and it is not hard for the child to be themselves, it is hard for the parents to let go of all the ideals and beliefs and hopes and expectations they would project on the children.
‘when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful’. when these same qualities are honoured and nurtured without any imposing ideals and beliefs it allows both genders to develop and express the richness of both sexes, in either male or female bodies.
We certainly do need to break out of our pictures and ideals and beliefs with regards to having babies… So that everyone can be welcomed with the unique essence of who they are.
Raising a child to live with love, respect and decency has no gender. It is a basic standard that we reflect in our parenting and offer to all.
I am currently pregnant with a boy and as I look around me, I too see the way in which boys are raised to be tough and rough – when in fact they are at their core, gentle and sensitive. I can already feel the responsibility I have in honouring men and boys for who they are rather than the tough persona they put on.
“when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t?” It is the responsibility of parents to raise and support children to be and know who they are and not fall victim of the perceived expectations of society to ‘fit in’. Fit in to what? A society that does not honour the natural sensitivity and tenderness of men and the precious delicacy of women.
well said Mary, we should know by now that what we have created does not work and so to want to mold a child to fit in to this is only perpetuating that which does not work. If we would let a whole generation of children be exactly who they are we would see massive change in the world from there on.
It’s interesting how many women hope to have a girl rather than a boy, could it be that our gender perception runs so deep it alters even how we see young babies and boys – and that we don’t properly see them for the amazing qualities they have?
A big issue can be that a man can be strong without at all compromising on sensitivity. The two actually work together. If they don’t, we have hardness which is brittle and or forceful, not strong.
I know children need to know about consequences, hence this I must have a full relationship with myself and be absolutely honest to be a reflection of truth that when I am providing discipline it is clearly felt and not just words to either of the genders equally so.
This sounds like you are allowing your son to be who he is – what a joy this is and something that should be deeply appreciated. I am having a baby boy – I am newly pregnant, and very open to what this means knowing full well that this is no different to raising our daughter in the sense that we are just allowing them to express who they are.
We are all equal with the same divine qualities, ‘when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful’.
When a child is allowed to be and doesn’t have pictures imposed onto them but is free to express, not just in terms of gender roles but to express everything, how they feel in each moment, what they observe, what’s going on etc it is very refreshing and we can learn a lot from them.
Yes, and the child is very powerful then.
Your words here Cherise help us realise how ingrained these pictures of how boys and girls should be are in life. Even when we don’t conform so very often we are just acting out of reaction to these ideals and beliefs. A young baby can be a beautiful reminder that we are all designed to just be, with no further agenda or aim. There’s no need for us to choose to continue these stereotypes when we have our inner sense and connection to our light.
Not having a picture on someone how they should come out in the end lets magic truly play out. In other words, it gives them a chance to truly live their essence or re-discover it to nonrestricted be themselves to reflect that to others. What more love can you offer to someone, than this.
What I am also becoming aware as I parent my three children is what they are offering me in my evolution and to not avoid it, those moments of emptiness where I can feel that I need something from them to fulfil me from that which I am not choosing to see and heal within me.
Growing up in a family of 3 girls, we were raised like boys when we were children on the belief that we will be safer and will be able to protect ourselves. So in fact, in our growing up we are re-discovering what it means to be a woman and to understand deeper what it is to be a man, how blessed.
“It is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.” I would add we can all do this – not just leave it up to parents – or teachers for that matter.
Could true equality bless us with the opportunity to be, appreciate and express our unique combination of qualities and strengths in full and thus accept that we are not the same as everyone else.
The consciousness behind gender stereotyping is huge and is still very ingrained in our current society. With this the sensitivity and the richness of what each incarnation has to offer the world is greatly missed as such we live in the tension of not realising that power we each and together are here to bring. Our responsibility is to foster the true essence of our children so they grow up knowing and living with confidence the qualities who they really are.
There are so many paradigms in place in society that we automatically take on… It really is time for everyone to find their own place, their own connection, their own flow, and hence to find that they are in the same river flowing to the source.
It’s easy to think that this issue is specific to gender, but perhaps this is part of a bigger agenda? For it seems to me that we are extremely keen to label things, to define, and lock them down. To know what things are about and what they are, is something we spend a lot of time on. We enjoy pigeon holing life to feel nice and safe – so there are things we can ‘rely on’. But as you show so succinctly Cherise, this just cuts out all the beauty that’s actually there. It doesn’t allow for the wholeness of life and leaves us with just a small slice – this to me is a big price to pay. This blog is a great reminder not to box ourselves in with how we see the ourselves and the world everyday.
Great comment Joseph! It is superimportant to watch ourselves how quick we label and box things and people in. I do it myself. It definitely is a form of protection to judge a situation or a person like that. The effect it has is also, that the person does not get the allowing energetically to unfold who they truly are, because I limited this through my judgement . Reading where someone is at is one thing and very important, but not judging or labelling it and allowing them to choose every moment to change and being more. Great reminder.
Cherise, what you write is very true. Truth, beauty, love and more don’t have a gender. They have many expressions each but no gender.
Gender equality is an interesting topic, and not only in raising children. It is all around in our societies and gender equality is absolutely not there when I am honest. Just look to the difference in salary men and women are paid for the same job and how society is male oriented, that as a woman you are to become more male and to not show that femaleness to be valued as an ‘equal member’ of society. The women are in general valued less to men and that is actually a big loss for us all as a society. We have to make big steps to make this change and allow more femaleness being expressed in both men and women, as this imbalance, what we can experience as the gender inequality in our societies, is one of the root causes of all of the issues we have in our societies today.
Reading about raising children it occurred to me that our responsibility is not only in how we raise our children but also in being open to and allowing our children to raise us as well. Quite often we can be raised in awareness by our children as in their innocence they can observe things with more awareness – so it is a learning and developing for everyone at every stage and age.
This is true parenting Nicola, as parent being open to be raised as well. You are absolutely right, our children come with an openness and innocence we all know so well but through our upbringing sometimes have lost but can be reminded of by our young ones. Actually, besides gender equality we introduce here age equality too.
Yes, awareness and clairsentience are not at all age related, being young can be quite an advantage.
A way of avoiding the reflection and the raising you are talking about that a child can bring is indeed lacing them with beliefs and pictures or ideals to behave in a certain way. So that we don´t get pushed in our way of living, that we don´t feel how much we miss the untainted, unboxed way of life. It is like putting dust on a clean mirror to not really see and learn from the reflection it would otherwise reflect in the clear state.
Yes!! It feels almost too simple to raise our kids equally. We love to complicate, and segregate, and all for the sake of identity. But we are all different just as we are, but equally so, so there is no need to attempt to ‘mould’ our children into ‘something’, they already are everything, with either penis or vagina…
Thank you Cherise, its so great that you have been conscious of how this world have been imposing on you on how to be a mother and how your children should be. Its interesting to note that every young baby I have held ,has always been a ball of love in my arms and the gender of the baby was never a question and to think, that every person you meet was also a ball of love at that stage too.
Every person still is a ball (or sphere) of love at every stage and age – it is just that usually they have covered it up and hidden it – but still there.
Cherise, ‘when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t? And yet as boys and girls grow up, they are rarely cherished and supported from their families, schools and society for these same qualities.’ I agree Cherise, it is rare for a child to be encouraged to be sensitive and tender, particularly boys, boys from my experience are more likely to be encouraged to be tough, to not cry and to ‘get on with it’.
This article go straight to the core of what is a very long-running and emotive subject… And this is about raising our children without agenda but actually connecting with who they truly are, and of course connecting to who we truly are first.
Great point Chris, ‘connecting to who we truly are first’. This is essential for everything in life, and especially when it comes to raise children.
I have nannied and looked after boys many times and they are just as sensitive as girls if not more sometimes because they are encouraged to be not this at all. When you let the child be it boy or girl explore and be who they naturally are, the way they want to express it is so beautiful to watch.
Parents don’t deliberately toughen up their sons, it is done unconsiously based on their own upbringing and as a way to protect them in the world. What if the greatest protection for them is for them to stay in their tenderness?
I agree, love and tenderness are our greatest protections and bring true power. This applies to both boy and girls and men and women equally.
I watched a little boy the other day be so super tender with his sister and felt how utterly important it is to cherish boys for the tender beings that they are instead of letting them grow up to be hard and tough men. We all have a responsibility in this because the world we have today is the world that we have allowed and in fact chosen and it is up to us to change it if we know it is not working. It most definitely is not working to raise boys to be who they are not.
I am sure most would agree that a young child is beautiful regardless of their agenda, but somewhere along the way we lose that willingness to treasure the beauty of both men and women equally, and instead get consumed by gender politics. There is no doubt that it is still a mans world unfortunately, and that women get a hard time of things. However, the push to achieve equality by outmanning the man is to the demise of not just women, but men also. For what is truly missing is for the world to recognise the innate beauty of men, and for men to realise that they are equally as sensitive and as expressive as women, if they give themselves permission to be so.
Such a gorgeous sharing Cherise and makes me appreciate that there can be so many ways to raise kids., I have an 11month old and she is so clued up and aware and it is amazing to know that i am not raising her to be anything other than just who she is. Its great to understand parenting from a much deeper level and why kids do what they do. I feel so blessed to be able to raise a child celebrating their awareness rather than seeing it as a traditional ‘need to be a good parent’
“As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. ” Well said Cherise instead of having them to fill our own needs, wants or expectations as so much of parenting is involved in.
Cherise, thank you for writing this, I can feel how crazy it is that there are such stereotypes; boys wearing dark colours- blues, greens and browns and girls wearing pinks and purples, I have observed that with very young boys that they have often not yet taken on these ideas and that they love to wear fairy dresses, have painted nails, wear any colour they feel too if it has not been imposed upon them to wear certain colours by their parents.
“when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t?” This says everything of the true equality of boys and girls, men and women.
When just one more parent gets the foundation of equality that is talked about here, there is an opportunity for the ripple effect to be felt by so many more people, and for this very old paradigm to be let go of
Rather than having our gender defining us and then directing how we are to live we can choose to be known by felt qualities that are equal in both gemders. We will never have true gender equality if we focus on the physicality because in society we’ve tried that and it doesn’t work. We have differing outward expressions (men being stronger, women having children etc) but we can both express lovingly, tenderly and delicately. Equality is about quality rather than action.
The crazy thing is it doesn’t stop here with the definitions we have, of what is right for a boy or a girl, but flows on to women and men, how we should be in couples or at work, with our family or ourselves. To be frank, the list goes on of preconceived pictures we all have. They box us in to a vision of life that imprisons and tortures us, day and night. That might sound extreme but the fact is many of us pursue these ideals you mention here Cherise, and have them imposed right from our birth. That’s why it is so huge, when we see through them and no longer give them any power. Then we are free to truly be us, a gorgeous, divine human being.
Well said Joseph, the ideals and beliefs we are privy to when growing up can shape our relationships for the rest of our lives, and determine how we will be in those relationships. The thing is very rarely do we question the beliefs that we run with, as we just think we are right and everyone else is mis-guided.
“The responsibility of raising a boy is huge, but it’s also very simple in truth and no different to raising a girl.” This is so true, as I found out by having a daughter and a son. Both children were so very different, yet in their sensitivity and expression no different from each other, and it never crossed my mind that my son had to be tough or my daughter ‘frilly’. 🙂
The nurturing of a child that raised them to know, respect and honour who they are is a great gift we can offer as parents, grand-parents, aunts, uncles and friends.
Comparison, expectations, ideals and ‘hardening up’ are so debilitating; forever putting people into boxes instead of supporting them to be themselves, and it’s so important to talk about and address how we feed these behaviours even in how we dress our kids, talk, address others and live.
I saw a small boy walking today in a pink mega mandy suit in fullness of what he liked to express in and his mother walking beside him with absolute surrender and trust to whatever he felt to express in , being it a pink suit or not.. I found that this was so amazing and cool to see a boy express himself in whatever he chooses to wear!
What’s amazing is that the kids will, if allowed the opportunity, be the first to break down these constructs of certain genders do/wear/be certain things!
Finding the correct balance in life so that we are teaching and not preaching, sharing and not imposing, using discipline or boundaries without controlling rules, love without the emotional attachment, sharing responsibility then true purpose can be understood so no different to how we treat any one else and is a great start to any relationship.
For more on true purpose go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=TRUE+PURPOSE
I love how you stopped when you felt your reaction towards having a boy and looked at what beliefs you had picked up along the way about raising a boy. It is easy to identify ourselves with our reactions and think it is just us and how we are but giving ourselves space, like you did, to see what had come in that made us react and that that is actually not US is very powerful. Thank you for sharing.
It is so limiting, that boys and girls are ‘assigned’, through our ideals and beliefs, a limited range of colours. And that’s only the beginning. Boys and men are allowed one set of emotions – anger, and girls another set of emotions. No wonder, growing up conditioned to be so different, when in fact we as boys and girls, so too as men and women, are totally the same in tenderness and sensitivity, no wonder our intimate relationships can seem so difficult. Thank you Cherise for bringing this ill condition we all now suffer from up to discussion. This is a start in raising our awareness and can start us making different choices, honouring who we are, boy or girl, doesn’t matter, and yes Cherise, I look forward to a time when boys are raised as you describe; what a blessing for the girls who can meet them!
The insidious thing about concepts like this, is that even if we think we have seen them for what they are, if we still make choices based on these boundaries – we are still trapped. Your words here remind me Cherise, just how much I still choose to buy into the ideals of what it means to be a man, and how I adopt the bits that suit me like a kid at a sweet pick and mix. The thing is it doesn’t actually work that way – when you subscribe to one part you get caught by the whole system that just isn’t true. Thank you for your words here and support to break through all these beliefs we have that just are not true.
Thank you Cherise – as a new mum I deeply feel the responsibility I have to see both boys and girls as equal. Often I am asked if my daughter is a girl because I don’t dress her in dresses – and so it is apparent how we’ve relied on clothing to tell us boy or girl -but really what is the importance of gender? The fact is babies are tender no matter what their sex and it is our responsibility to raise them honouring this.
As a young girl, I reacted to the ‘gender stereotypes’ by refusing to wear frilly dresses and being a tom boy. I felt restricted by being a girl as boys seemed to have more freedom. However, I hardened myself to do this and I didn’t realize that I was not really free just playing the game from the other side of the coin.
Great observation – I also was not the ‘frilly’ kind and used to much prefer hanging out with the boys as I also perceived them to have more freedom and flexibility in what they could do and how they would be – so although not quite a tomboy, definitely a bit more on the ‘tough’ side then.
Once we start to look at ‘gender equality’ we see that we are riddled with ideals and beliefs ‘set up to uphold and promote the gender stereotypes’. We are not free at all while we are bound by this consciousness and movements such as Women’s Lib are not bringing freedom but a reaction to the status quo. We have to bust this consciousness altogether and a great way to do this is by being responsible for raising our children as you are Cherise, ‘to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’
This reminds me that gender inequality starts well before we have time to even understand it. Equality is something we each have to choose, otherwise we subscribe to a way of thinking that makes us think that we are not equal within.
In reading this article I realised that I often had the opposite reaction to this- when my aunties or other families members were having babies I wanted them to have boys. I had this underlying belief that boys were easier and more important. It really is fascinating the beliefs we hold that can influence us in so many ways.
What is the true difference between the genders, we know that there are differing qualities in men and women, but also what we currently have depicted for boys and girls is not a true reflection of each gender. Boys are steered towards things that make them toughen and harden to the world, while girls are dismissed as being only homebirds, interested in the pink and fluffy. Perhaps this description doesn’t fully represent the difference, instead what is more important to note is that each individual person is unique, and that it is more about letting them blossom in whichever way they feel. as an adult this is about forgetting the gender, and listening to and appreciating the beautiful soul that is walking, living, learning and making choices for themselves, with the support of everyone they encounter.
It is a great point to start to notice the insidious and innocuous images we hold that shape and inform every second of our day and interactions should we let them. First step is to become aware of what those are.
It is interesting to notice how our pictures and images in life when not matched with reality can cause us to react rather than being open to what is.
Being open to what is and observing is such a great way of learning and moving in directions that we may not have previously even seen or been aware of.
This is true that as parents…. “it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality.” However, if we as parents, and society in general, are not truly living this then there will be no true equality. Children especially, and also adults, know and feel when the truth that is shared is being lived or not. It is the livingness of that truth that truly and deeply inspires others to also choose it.
Maybe all the stereotyping that goes on in our society is one of the reasons we can find ourselves being very judgmental, we have been conditioned to have all these expectations around how people ‘should be’, we find it confronting when they are not like that at all. How much simpler to know and embrace that we have all been cut from the same blanket of love, we may look very different on the outside, but inside we are the same. The more we allow ourselves to appreciate this, the more we will once again live in harmonious brotherhood.
Yes, and to celebrate any true variations rather than imposed variations. Great point.
And it is not just other people that we impose upon and are judgemental about but ourselves first. In fact it always starts with us for it we didn’t judge ourselves we wouldn’t judge others and so it goes round and round.
The way society stereotypes boys and girls and treats them quite differently is very harmful. The innate tenderness in boys gets buried behind a facade of ‘toughness’, a presumption that girls are more sensitive is equally disempowering and may encourage them to exploit this and use their emotions to be quite manipulative. In both scenarios, by not meeting boys and girls for who they truly are, it’s a rejection, to then ask them to be something they are not, to fit the model society has created for them, is soul destroying. No wonder there has been, and continues to be, such a huge increase in mental health issues.
I have to confess, I was a little surprised when a young male in my family took one of my old coats, which I admit was way too big for me, very warm possibly trendy about 40 years ago and took it overseas to wear while on holiday in Canada. I love that it’s was of no consequence to him that the coat belongs to a woman, if he likes something, he’ll be very happy to wear it and isn’t the slightest bit concerned what other people may ‘think’!
‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’ – very well said, Cherise – and this starts with us claiming this truth for ourselves first.
Yes it is beautifully said and it is our responsibility to connect to this truth and living it so it can emanate out and just be the ‘norm’.
Beautiful honesty you have shared here Cherise.
Yes Cherise, it is profound to realise the ‘funnelling’ process we go through, which seems to start as you show from even before we are born. We are boxed and placed into categories, sections, behaviours and patterns we are expected to play out in life. Yet none of these descriptions of what it is to be a boy or girl, actually include the divine multi-dimensional beauty we are, none of them are built on the wisdom and delicate senses we share. So it makes sense as you show that without this, these labels just reduce us down. Whatever our stage in living life, the more we bring back our true understanding of who we actually are, the more we can reinvigorate and revitalise being a woman and being a man.
i love how non- automatic is your acceptance of how things currently are for boys and girls- especially in the clothes and toy departments. i do feel boys want just as much if not more tenderness around them especially when they are growing up and being given so many ideas about who they are and how they must be in the world from people around them who have grown up with all the same conditioning. We need to keep questioning why thing are and the way they are if we want to bring about true change.
I love scrolling through the blogs on this site and seeing this gorgeous child, how could we ever want to box people into gender roles that are so outdated and deny our natural state as a soul.
What if we didn’t look at the gender of our children as something we’d like or prefer, but as something specific to that child that they need to master or learn – or – are here to show us what it’s all about – it’s really not about us and what we want, but about what is truly evolving for our children.
In essence, yes, we need to treat boys and girls, or men and women equally. However, within that we must honour the physical differences that sometimes do not allow for such equality to be expressed like we might want to think.
Yes, it’s true that, ‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality’ but equally we could say that it is society’s responsibility too, for is it not wider society that propagates our belief systems and feeds back to children what they think they need to be, rather than allowing them to be who they are?
“Boys are raised to be ‘tough,’ ‘rough’ and ‘tumble’; if they are hurt, they’re told to drink a cup of concrete and harden up and, quite frankly, to not be too sensitive.” I have never heard this description before now and I find it disturbing, maybe because I see it happening for girls and women also. Hardening up is the enemy to vulnerability.
We just have to observe the push in many countries to have early scans so that they can choose to abort or keep the child according to the sex. It is interesting that not only is this about the ideals and beliefs that are associated with the sex of the child but how they will be labeled and boxed into a role prior to their birth. The growing number of hospitals world wide are now having cases where newborns are being cared for by the state due to inaccurate readings in early scans. Families are investing in comfortable lifestyles that the sex of the child would give them and their position and title in the family.
Gosh it’s interesting. I was asking myself the same question just now about why I’ve always pictured wanting to have a baby girl, over a boy. When I really think about it, the idea of raising a girl when it comes to high school is actually terrifying, but really, the reality of raising either boy or girl through that period is terrifying given the state of where adolescents are today. But part of wanting a girl has also been about being able to dress her in cute clothes. That’s a weak reason, but it’s true. And then from that realisation, it has me pondering on the reason for wanting to bring a child into the world at all. It it about wanting a project I can control and get something out of? Huge question, but one worth exploring.
It may take many generations to get this corrected from the past; it was sort of a dads duty to bring up the boys tough as life was/is hard so you had to be hardened up to cope and there was always the possibility of being sent off to war which of course is no place to be sensitive. If we were all given the chance to remain the tender gentle beings we all are it would melt the hardness out of the world and maybe there wouldn’t be any more wars.
A baby does not know its gender it is told it is gender. Babies are just themselves in what ever shape or expression that comes in, it is society that imposes images of how we are to be. We need to be more like babies in our expression as they do not hold back!
Beautiful Cherise, bringing it back to to the foundation of love and feeling into ones essence not their gender.
We are all the same as you say Cherise, ‘when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t?’ It is then our choice if we bury these qualities or honour them and allow them to be seen by the world.
Just looking at the photo of this child it is hard to know which gender they are because the truth is that it does not matter. Whatever gender we are we are just as tender and precious on the inside.
Cherise its amazing how we have so many pictures of what we want to have if we want to have kids, yet what you bring up that is so important is that the responsibility to raise a child is the same no matter the Gender. What we also fail to appreciate in life in general is that everything is presented to us that is there for us to evolve, therefore the constellation of the child that we raise will be for evolution – something that we can often gloss over.
So true Cherise, why do we place so much importance on thinking we have to raise girls and boys differently. This just isn’t true. That in their essence, girls and boys are just love, they are not different, yet we in society today, treat them just too different from a very early age, fostering then social norms that they feel they have to align to, even if it doesn’t feel right.
I just love how you have put gender aside when raising your child. I know small baby boys the same age as my baby girl – and they are no different – just as tender and delicate – all of who they are. What a gift to celebrate this in boys and girls and show that men have a natural delicateness that is seen and supported.
I totally agree that if we honour and nourish everyones unique expression it doesn’t matter whether it is a boy or a girl. Yes we have our sexual origins which makes up a part of us and thats the physical but we also have a Soul, an essence within that defines all physicality and this is what makes us who we are.
Pictures we hold for genders are never true, in fact, they are created so we will never get to the truth, which cannot be boxed by a picture but has to be discovered and lived. How to raise a boy or a girl depends on the situation and our connection as parents with ourselves.
Boys are naturally feminine and allowing them to embrace this side of them is not only healthy but extremely inspiring for others. A man in his tenderness offers true healing to the world, let not suppress this lets like you have embrace and encourage such a beautiful natural expression.
We all have our own unique divine expressions and there is an amazing beauty in being honoured for who you are. The simplicity of this and the clarity this allows is beautiful and would bring a whole different take on the gender equality question and the stereotyped ways of treating different sexes and how we are brought up . A great blog bringing attention to something so important in the world as it effects us all and what is going on currently needs to be exposed for the harm and cruelty it causes and the lack of love in the way we are living in the world.
Children are the seeds we plant and keep them in cold frame. We feed, water and keep them warm. They are repotted as they grow till they are ready to planted in the garden and grow in their into their fullness. Are we not the conduit for our children to step off into the world prepared to be whatever it is they are here to do! Or, how many children do we put in the piping bag, and we then they are shaped and decorated on the cake in how we think their life should look and be?
What a great blog, it has made me consider that I am still raising myself. With loads to learn and I also need to deepen my awareness of how to bring a greater responsibility in all I do.
Being open and able to truly celebrate and allow the unique expression of our children, regardless of what gender they are, becomes possible when we are firstly able to do this for ourselves, and those that we are in relationship with.
Beautiful Cherise,this stands out for me, ‘These qualities, that are an actual part of who they are for their entire lives, whether it is honoured by themselves and others or not, remain a fact.’ I observe with boys as they get older that they often hide their sensitivity under a ‘cool’ exterior, trying to fit in with their friends and be liked, accepted and not seen as weak or sensitive, it feels like a pack mentality, Working at a school I have noticed that whatever hard shell theses boys have put on that they are truly sweet and sensitive underneath this shell, a boy who seemed to be very tough the other day broke down and told me how he didn’t want his friend seeing him talking to me and crying as they would call him a wussy, in this moment I felt how all of the hardness and toughness is just an act from boys and not truly who they are.
It’s lovely to see how many men are choosing to let go of the protection and competition that they held onto for years and to allow their true sensitivity and tenderness to be their way of expressing again. A natural vulnerability which can be beautifully disarming for other men to behold.
Labels and words are the building blocks of our communication. Yet the way we use them seems to end up imprisoning us, rather than helping. Perhaps this is because we have a tendency to reduce down and separate what we see, instead of always remembering that A and B are ultimately the same thing. There is much more similarity than difference in this world. Thank you Cherise for the timely reminder.
With gender being an age old issue, it is so worth sitting down and looking at what we think about the two genders – where do we fall on the scale from the out and out sexist, misogynist or a man hater, to having some small ideals or picutres around what girls and boys are like – no matter how small it’s still all on the one line which keeps us away from the fact that beyond the physicality of life we are all equal.
It’s not the toys or the colours that matter, it is the child’s expression being celebrated
Children who are brought up in the absolute knowingness of who they are, knowing we are all equal are already equipped to handle whatever life brings their way. How beautiful to reflect this to other parents too.
As a mother it can be very challenging to send your divinely sweet and sensitive boy out in to the world, a world that does not respect this in men. And so, there can be the want to dearly protect your child, and what seems to be a ‘logical’ way is to teach that child how to be tough and hard and ‘manly’, so that they can be ‘safe’. But what the child learns is that sensitivity is something to be locked away, only shared in certain moments, and at all other times there needs to be a front for security and protection. This is thus how we perpetuate the current situation – through our parenting of boys. When in fact a man is way stronger and capable when he is sensitive because then he can read the energies at play and not succumb to what is not true.
‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’ What we bring is the quality we are.
There isn’t really any difference between boy and girls other than the images we place upon them.
A man can be just as delicate as any woman and a woman can be as powerful as any man.
When asked, most women would say that they would like be in relationships with men who are gentle, caring, sensitive, who talk about their feelings, who care for the children, and yet a young boy expresses some of these behaviours and they are often ridiculed or laughed at for choosing girls games…what games are we playing with our boys and girls when we segregate them at such a young age into stereotypical roles. Mother’s have a particular role in shifting societies perspective, I know from talking to mothers often they are scared of their boys being hurt, or made fun of and so they learn on them to ‘harden up’, a form of protection…this is never going to be a long term solution to the disharmony between the genders and the inequalities we find. Honouring that every one has their own expression and that we should not have pictures of what that looks like, this is how parenting can support future generations.
“The responsibility of raising a boy is huge, but it’s also very simple in truth and no different to raising a girl.” Wise words, no matter the gender it’s about supporting a child to grow up to remain with the innate connection to God that they naturally have.
Reading this and the wisdom you have in nurturing children feels beautiful and such an ease. There are so many gender stereotypes that inform parenting – either through conformity or in reaction to. I’ve heard many a time ‘the advice that raising boys is actually easier and simpler than raising girls’ and even the poor you groans on hearing a parent has children of one gender depending on the person’s particular bias. When relating to a person based on gender stereotypes we will be hard pressed to see the beautiful person beneath our blinkered vision, let alone appreciate the qualities they bring, part of which is their expression of their gender.
Beautifully expressed Cherise, it is crazy that in this day and age that most people still push these gender stereotypes onto children. Their are parents such as yourself that are bringing ‘true gender equality’ to your children and the power of your reflection is truly needed to smash these harming ideals and beliefs that are deeply embedded in our society.
Interestingly while as an adult I have been considering expressing more as a woman, I have been noticing the tendency to go for images, roles and activities. But more and more I am sensing that ironically what is required is to let go of all those “images, roles and activities” and let myself express powerfully what is natural within me! It makes sense that it would be the same for boys and girls. We make it about our preferred external images and activities, yet the power of who they are as boys or as girls will be expressed when they are allowed to be all that they are without any external imposition or manipulation.
I consider the ripple effect of a boy who is treated roughly by his parents just because he is a boy and how that roughness will play out at school and influence the behaviour of other boys, and this shows me the responsibility we have to broadcast the messages strongly that boys don’t need to be tough. And what I have observed also is some beautiful fathers who are able to openly be physically affectionate with their sons in schools when they drop them off. An antidote to that same harming message.
This is such a beautiful deep blog offering the world the natural beauty and uniqueness we all are equally. It is something that needs to be seen for what we are doing and what is going on to be honoured for all we are and our amazingness and the appreciation of this to be offered to us as we grow up and always.
” As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. It is from this true understanding of self that gender equality is naturally felt, understood and lived. From this foundation a boy or girl, man or woman can express themselves and their gender to reflect the gorgeousness, preciousness and tenderness of who they simply are… and through whatever colours they choose!”
The gender stereotypes that so rampant, start so young, I am a parent of a boy and girl and there can be, degrading comments made about them both, which do feel it is necessary to challenge. Things that many shrug off, such as boys are trouble, boys are messy, girls, can’t do that etc….It is amazing what people will say about children in front of them….of course it doesn’t matter if they are there or not, it is about a pervasive way of thinking that breeds separation and lack of understanding. It is unhealthy for us to bring up our children with this happening, without challenging it.
When a baby is born, a beautiful soul has entered the world – why is it that we do not see this first. The first question that crosses people’s lips is – ‘Is it a boy or a girl?’. This blog has reminded me to feel and love the quality this little being is first, separate to the choice in colour clothing, toys or expectations around behavior etc. Thanks Cherise.
It is a huge responsibility to raise my children to know who they are first and foremost and ultimately that comes down to me knowing and living who I am first and foremost as this is my purpose, to reflect to them love, truth, fragility, sensitivity, beauty and clarity which are some of my qualities that are naturally within me.
That’s amazing. That’s what I would call a head start in our current society. Having that foundation is beyond supportive for your children and will inevitably have an impact on those around them.
We are so deeply blessed by children whether it is a boy or a girl it does not matter what matters is their spark, their light and love for life does not disappear, as adults it is our duty to encourage and support that light and allow it to grow In divinity we are all equal.
Thank you Cherise, this is precious , simply because it is like letting a tree grow exactly how it truly wants to grow, without manipulation, only true discipline of knowing what is love and what is not love. So that they have space to explore themselves and learn their power in themselves in their lives. As why would we not want our next generation be full of grown human beings that are knowing of themselves in true power?
Cherise, this is a beautiful and supportive blog for parents and pretty much all of us to read. I feel that our future is in our children, so how we choose to raise our children is highly important and defines how we are as a society and our path of evolution collectively.
I love this Michelle. My son was the same when he was little, and he would be so full of delight and joy by simply having fun playing with different clothes, and he particualrly loved wearing things in his hair and hats! We would all delight in his playfulness as he was simply experimenting and finding out for himself. A far cry from young children now who are so often indoctrinated from a very early age to identlfy what they wear with a designer label.
Our children are raised with deeply embedded ideals and beliefs about what it means to be brought up as boys and girls…and nowhere is this more clearly seen than in the classroom. Boys come together in groups to form a power pack and put down others to feel superior, for example a group of 3 told one boy he was a sissy for playing with the girls. It’s a false sense of strength and of toughness. The only way the single boy knew how to handle this was to retaliate, get angry and fight back. We need to allow all children to feel safe in their sensitivity and gentleness and that not only is this actually ok, but it is also our natural way.
Having had two daughters myself and so little experience of raising boys, I now have the privilege of counselling young men, and am regularly blown away by how sensitive and tender they are once you crack through a sometimes thin outer shell of protection.
Working in a supermarket I get to see many children of all ages and the ones that stand out are the ones that are openly expressive and chatty and who have remained true to who they are, they may be wearing their superman out fit or be a pirate but you can tell their parents have allowed the child just to be, and these children are also tender gentle and super loving. When we allow children to express in every way without imposition there is so much joy in them, and it is so infectious.
Cherise, this is beautiful, ‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’ I can feel that it is often that children are raised not knowing their amazingness just by being them, that being delicate, precious and sensitive are their natural ways, these ways don’t seem to be encouraged, as if there is something wrong with being sensitive and delicate, toughening up and getting on with it seem to be order of the day.
2014 Chinese men outnumbered women by 33 million, from almost 50 years of the one child act and selective abortion. Because of gender inequality, females have had less importance than a male child. There are many countries and cultures, here in the 21st century that still treat women as less. Our way to bring equality to all is instilling in our young boys a genuine need for equality of both!
There is a tenderness intrinsically within a man that is equal with the tender essence of a woman. Our society tends to squash this quality on the head with the labels and expectations of each gender. Raising this topic for discussion is a great start to address gender equality.
It is deeply erroneous to assume that we know what is best for another or that we may dictate their lives, their will and their choices.
If we get out of the way and allow each other to naturally be, expressing our true essence and following our soul’s impulses then true magic can happen.
Well said Cherise – all about breaking the cycle of perpetuating the same gender stereotypes which prevent children from growing up expressing their true qualities and instead looking to appease a world which made the same choices.
I love what you have shared here Cherise – the honesty about your reactions and feelings about having a boy vs having a girl. I recall when I was pregnant I really wanted a boy. I don’t know why, but I really felt that when I was pregnant, I knew this child would either be a boy or if not a boy then a girl with boyish qualities (whatever that meant at the time!). As it is, I did end up having a son, and he is the most delicate and tender little man – he is not actually at all like the boisterous and energetic little boys I had seen around me in pregnancy and was convinced I was going to birth! Life is there always to teach us something new – when we are not willing to see something, then it is shown to us in multiple ways until we get the message! And I feel this is what happened for our family too – I know I would have loved having a girl, but to develop the tenderness and gorgeousness in myself, what better way to present it to me than through a little gentleman who absolutely commands this with how he moves and how he looks you in the eyes. He makes me melt and so it reminds me to come back to the delicateness I too hold and can give myself!
We are trying to fit boys and girls into a box instead of honouring and confirming their true unique expression, it is beautiful to read that your son does not need to fit in, or follow you etc. but you will support him to stay connected to who he is in his essence, equal to others.
What is true gender equality? I have no idea, but I suppose it would be to raise a child without imposing our own ideals and beliefs on them, but instead just allow them to go their own way, and make their own choices whilst supporting them without judgement and with as much love and understanding we can.
Imagine a world where the natural expression of children was nurtured and encouraged for them to carry on with into the rest of their lives.
I agree Cherise – there should be no difference in raising a boy as there is a girl, in the sense that we shouldn’t change the way we are with them because of pictures, beliefs or ideals we’ve picked up from society, the media etc. because then who is parenting our child? Us, or them?
Good question, Susie…cutting through the ideals and beliefs that surround us is key to true relationships.
Acceptance and appreciation of the true male and female qualities in balance from our essence allow us to know that we all, regardless of sex, have both, it is just that in this life we are one or the other. Knowing this from within there cannot not be equality.
“when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t?
Great point Cherise, the love & magic that surrounds a new born baby is out of this world.
I recognise ‘the firm handshake’ as mentioned above and experience it as a common gesture when meeting new men. Its a sign of how men have been taught to be, to show that you are not weak and will show your toughness whether that is through physicality, intellect or swag/style.
The baby in the photo is so, so cute and so sweet and tender, I would not know what gender he/she is, and I do not care as the child is divine.
Spot on Mary-Louise – I too just could not help but keep looking at the picture and feeling. And isn’t it interesting how the first thing people often say about a child is ‘oh they are so cute – is it a boy or a girl?’
Reading this again, I remembered a time when I was dating a guy who had a 7 yr old son. We were out bike riding and this little guy was scared to ride down a hill but he had a go and lost his balance and fell. He teared up but was quivering because he had let his dad down. It was so awful to see how this young boy didn’t feel comfortable just having a good cry because he’d fallen and hurt himself. Had that been a little girl, she would have been smothered in hugs and kisses. But he wasn’t, and if anything was spoken to sternly for being a softie.
That’s so sad Sandra. I suppose we have spent aeons toughening up our boys to go into battle, hunt for food, or play the role of provider (stereotyping here), but there is really no need to do that anymore, so maybe we just need to understand and honour the male and female qualities and allow our kids to just be themselves and express their sensitivity and tenderness whatever gender they are.
Because of our ideals and beliefs we hold on boys and girls we have bastardised the true qualities of them and with that of a man and a woman. From this way of raising our children we have actually walked away from who we truly are and are all living an image which we are not. Until we realise that this is the case, we will continue to live like this and raise our children as such, but when we realise we can start to uncover the true qualities of the genders we have in human life.
I saw a funny poster today saying equality wasn’t a pie, just because someone gets done doesn’t mean you get less. It made me laugh as it is so indicative of the me me me energy that dominates these sorts of debates. So much simpler to feel the purpose of both sexes expressions and value them equally.
“As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.” – Cherise, it is so much about celebrating our children (and ourselves) for who they are over and above their achievements or their talents. In todays world there is too much focus on what a person can do and how well they can perform with certain things, but very little in appreciating the light that they are and the grandness of the beauty they bring simply by being here.
Everytime I see the picture of this beautiful little boy, I am reminded of the simplicity of just being.
There is a responsibility we hold not only as parents, but as contributors to society that we all be aware of the gender bias that is so alive and well. We all feed into it all the time and it does start from when kids are babies. But Cherise, the tide will eventually turn the more mothers we have like yourself who we breaking through these gender stereotypes.
Isn’t it a complete lie that boys are easier to bring up than girls. Amazing what we choose to believe for the sake of relieving ourselves of responsibilities. Great article Cherise.
I always assumed I would have boys – it was a family thing through many generations… and then I was gifted with two beautiful girls who have been amazing to grow up with, and now stand equally with me as adults. People often ask did you want a boy, and honestly it makes no difference as I’ve learnt there is a world full of men and women, and all are equally deserving of love.
So true Simon, it actually makes no difference if you have to raise boys or girls, the most important thing is that we can treat them as equal beautiful people to ourselves as that is what really counts.
The focus in raising a kid (boy or girl) is usually in their functional fitting in for both boys and girls and not so much in them learning to honour themselves first and foremost.
Such a gorgeous and deeply important point that you have made, that equality between people is what matters – beautiful for who we are and not for what we do.
I remember being told as a child growing up that I was too sensitive, as though it was a really bad affliction that I had to seriously get rid of at all costs if I didn’t want to grow up a sissy or be bullied or picked on. So I drank gallons of concrete and squashed that sensitivity as much as I could, I suppose just to please others. It is a beautiful thing to finally be breaking down and ridding myself of the concrete but just a pity it had to be put there in the first place.
Beautiful conversation opened up here. Thank you Cherise.
When we live with a connection to our inner most it is simply common sense that, male or female, we are equally precious and that we do not need to be taught (or indoctrinated) how to be the sex we are.
Just imagine if more and more people would shed the beliefs around gender and simply support our children to know they are amazing and to feel safe to be who they are?
What incredible full adults we could grow into, when not holding ourselves in and small in so many ways to ‘fit in’ to a prefab. picture.
True gender equality is something that has been missed in our drive to push, succeed and do in life. As a woman I know I have fallen into the trap of feeling less than men…I have left the delicate, sensitive, playful side of my childhood expression in favour of hardening and wanting to appear I have everything under control whilst paddling furiously under the water. To allow children to feel their delicateness, and sweetness, to really honour them in this would support them enormously to stay connected to their true expression as they grow.
It takes a lot of energy and effort to feel superior to another person because we are all equal…that is our birthright. The ‘fight’ for one gender to be superior or even the ‘fight’ of women to be equal to men is just that, a fight. There is no fight, just a needed acceptance that everyone on this planet is of equal importance.
Just looking at the photo I feel such wisdom in those eyes, and what a beautiful opportunity for a child to come into this world that will not be imposed upon by parents, but seen fully for the essence and qualities he brings
Just looking at this little boy this morning, I was struck by the gleam and twinkle in his beautiful eyes, and how they were smiling back at me without him pulling a false smile onto his face. The way he is looking back at us in the photograph is so surrendered, he has no expectations or judgements. He just is. How would it be if we all kept this innocence that we were born with? The way we communicate simply with our facial expressions would be so very different, as it would originate from a place of truth that we all have within us, but that we so easily lose our connection with.
I spent a little bit of time with a baby boy recently, and it was about half way through my time with him, having been totally melted by his utter cutness and cheeky beauty, that I was struck by my old ideas about what it meant to have a boy – that they were somehow more difficult than girls, and yet when I see this little boy, so tender and adorable I can’t help but think that it is simply how we raise them that can create the hard or tough boys we often see. What would they look like if that beauty and cutness was fostered from day one?
I definitely notice the same things, growing up and parenting two boys. the sterotypes for men and women are not helpful.
Such a beautiful blog Cherise about the responsibility we all hold in raising kids, that it is up to us to not shove such stereotypes onto little boys and girls. But as you say, it is quite set in stone from the moment kids are born, blue for boys, pink for girls and then the big retail stores pretty much set up the story from there. Super heros for boys and princess outfits for girls. But we can instil in boys and girls in how we parent that it isn’t all about what they wear but who they are.
We as a humanity have missed out on so much by stifling the true nature of our young boys who grow up to be less and live a shadow of their true self. Huge appreciation for parents like these who are willing to let the children develop into tender, joyful, loving adults.
I have seen a little video from a father who realized that he treated his son different to his daughter. He realized that when she was hurt he did hold her till she stopped crying and felt better again. When the son felt hurt he did not get the same attention and love, not the same care. As a father he did not share his tenderness and care with his son, as with his daughter. He cried by telling so when he realized in full what he did. I found this amazing – to realize what we do mostly unconscious – and become aware of the consequences. The pictures we have in mind about ‘how a boy/girl have to be’ are much stronger than we may realize and to bring more awareness here is important. Thank you for this impulse.
What a shame indeed to raise, nurture and cherish a delicate and super sensitive human being only to see this eroded away, shut up and hidden from view. In a world that makes this a rite of passage for men everywhere I can understand your initial preference Cherise. I love though how you went underneath this first reaction to find the deeper truth of the matter. From here I can see you are set fair to support your gorgeous young son to grow into a beautiful man.
If we truly took “the responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. It is from this true understanding of self that gender equality is naturally felt, understood and lived”, the whole relationship of sibling, families, schools, communities, between countries and the whole world would be changed. The bottom line is the respect for each other where we all share equally, the Love and the tenderness.
Every time I see the photo of this little boy, I see the universe! I cannot stop feeling the pull and reflection of oneness in his whole face. He is love personified!
Cherise, I can totally understand your initial reaction to discovering your child was to be a boy, especially in the context of all you could see being expecting of boys – such as the clothes they could wear or the toys they could have. It can at times feel like an uphill struggle to support that un-genderable part of the person you have given birth to; the essence of the person who does not need gender to define them, as they are simply love. however, as we walk and find our way through the miasma of parenthood in this modern age, I have found that even the smallest piece of love, when it is appreciated and thus deepened, places a seed that grows and grows, even in the environment we have today of extreme behaviours, illness and global chaos.
‘My partner and I aren’t raising our children to be like us ‘… thus allowing the space to be everything they are.
There is something wrong with how gender equality is generally viewed today when a man is still mocked for wearing pink yet we still think men and women are more equal than ever before in what they are able to do and the rights they have in modern society
The more one connects to themselves, the more we can feel qualities of both the male and female energies within us all.
Ending the this cycle of predetermining roles according to gender must start somewhere and this is with a change in awareness from parents, then reflected to others which can then start to change consumer culture etc. So important to not simply accept things as they are but to allow our awareness of what’s true.
How different can a boys perspective be growing up if they have someone role modelling that actually, you don’t have to be a hard man, that it isn’t a natural trait but one that is learned to shut down feelings. Feelings are important to actually feel, that’s why they’re so named. To share with boys that it is ok to feel weak and vulnerable and fragile and tender and sensitive is a massive thing that creates a huge reaction in both men and women who often don’t know how to react, but is the place we need to go and not just say that’s ok to be, but actually demonstrate that it is completely normal and healthy for boys to act gently that it is their natural way.
It has been my experience that the more I get to know myself the more equal I feel to everyone else.
So true Elizabeth, reflections are an amazing thing and may I point out it is never too young to start.
I am learning to re-parent myself so that I am developing a relationship with my tenderness again. This is an awareness that I appreciating thanks to your blog Cherise.
A label of any kind can push us into a corner and limit us. The biggest label of all is one of gender.
‘We are also conscious of the fact that we are not raising children to ‘fit society,’ to improve on our own childhoods or parents, or even to replicate them.’ Great point Cherise – and what a trap we set ourselves when we do.
Well said, Cherise. It is up to all of us to challenge the stereotypes and inequality we feel in conversations, and dispel the numerous pictures of how a boy or a girl should act or dress.
It is astonishing that we have so much imposing ideals, beliefs and expectations about the expression of boys (and girls, as well as men and women), that it can have an impact on such a natural process as our acceptance of the sex of our child when we are about to give birth. To what extent would it then be affecting all the other areas of our lives? This is an area that requires much loving reflection, healing and renouncing what is blatantly false.
It’s true Golnaz. Judgments and expectations are made and created long before the child is even born. What pressures we place on children to fulfill what we want them to be.
It seems we are raising our children the wrong way around. Instead of confirming that in essence we are all tender and precious we attempt to shape children into stereotypes on the outside, not allowing for each unique expression to unfold.
When we make life about equality – true equality as you have described here Cherise, we are making it about love. There are no gender issues when we bring our purpose back to this truth. What a powerful statement and gift to the world as this boy grows up and takes his experience of love and equality with him!!
When I first heard at a Universal Medicine event that men and women both have qualities innately and naturally within them of femaleness and maleness, I just knew it was the truth and the answer to all the dilemmas about sexuality and gender. We all have our natural expressions as men and women and through connecting to and living the balance between our femaleness and maleness, we can not only honour our own unique expression but also deeply appreciate everyone else’s as well.
Cherise it is beautiful that you are raising your children with absolute tenderness and equality. Not imposing your life or your up bring, allowing them to be their amazing selves.
Whether it is said boys are easier to raise than girls or the other way round I would say from giving birth to three children (one girl and two boys) there is no difference. They all have their own unique expressions and learning and it is my husbands and I responsibility to reflect to them a way of being that supports them to be all of who they truly are.
Despite the influences on us in earlier life and the effects they may have our true qualities are always there waiting to be allowed through – not only but including true power in women and delicate sensitivity in men.
We are bottle necked to be a certain way. Yet we live under the notion we are free to think and be. However, if we really look at our behaviours, how many of those behaviours are in place because we like having them or because it is a proven way to survive in the world.
Every boy is different to other boys, every girl is different to other girls… and boys and girls are different to each other. Therefore, it does not make sense that we compartmentalise, stereotype and pigeon-hole each gender. However, there is one thing guaranteed, all boys and girls are sensitive by nature…if we really honoured this and the uniqueness of each child we might find how we bring them up would change significantly?
Love it Cherise, such a refreshing approach to bring up children. I can feel this is such a simple approach that as a young child I would have appreciated this type of understanding.
Cherise interesting to read you blog this morning as i ponder on my reaction to having a girl! My fist born was a boy, when i became pregnant with my second i assumed it would be a boy, even though my midwife and friends suggested I maybe having a girl – i refused to hear any of it – my husband and i settled on a boys name and that was it. On January 13th 2008 I gave birth to a beautiful delicate little girl and on seeing her I wept deeply – I felt exposed and shocked at how i had blindly ruled this out. Having spent much of my life being a tom boy and shutting away many of the qualities that made me a woman, I realised that this exquisite parcel was the reflection that would ask me to rebuild my relationship with me as a woman and my daughter as a girl. I knew when she arrived that this was a mighty gift that would press huge and ancient buttons.
The anatomy of a handshake between men is quite telling! The grip of steel to crush the other. The wet fish (cold, damp and floppy). The gentle, timid almost fragile hand. The finger crush. The jam in hard and pump it vigorously that may be accompanied with a bear-hug with back-slapping. The large calloused hand, rough as old boots, that is as gentle as a flower and then the one that each person just meets the other equally. Are these all refection’s of how we men have chosen to be changed from who we truly are, to fit someone’s picture of who we should be or just an expression of who we are?
This is the nub and root of our relationship with gender and it exposes our current disorder in this area; something we have lived with and observed playing out everywhere in life. In honouring our kids before their gender we can arrest the disparity and the impact of this around the world.
I look around and am quick to see the gender stereotype in kids – the boys have all the blues and the cars and action men – the girls have frills and dolls and glitter. But as you share here -we are already setting up our kids to be different based on gender. I am loving dressing my daughter in unisex clothing -whites and sometimes even blues – whatever I’m drawn to dress her in on the day. It shows that clothes are not what should define us and I love the opportunity we have to reflect this to our kids.
Every time I look at the picture of the beautiful boy at the start of this blog my heart melts. It reminds me that I could allow this to occur in every interaction I have with people, regardless of who they are.
As you have stated Cherise, children should be raised in a way that encourages them to express from there natural tenderness and sensitivity instead of being categorized by their gender.
This blog and your words Cherise brilliantly reveal the intense way we are indoctrinated from day dot. We may pass it off as just ‘how it is’ or that is a normal way to live, but what you present here is truly profound: what if we have life the wrong way around? And so what if parenting is not about building up, advising or protecting, but fostering us from a young age to truly know and remember who we are? We are already brilliant and in no need of any beliefs or habits to further illustrate that fact.
What an important point you raise in allowing children to grow with their own unique expression and not impose our own unrealised hopes and dreams upon them.
Fragility belongs to our inner strengths. It allows us to feel life and to be with life. Rather than checking out. It’s beautiful to watch boys and girls simply playing together and not getting caught up in expectations, beliefs and gender ‘stuff’. We’re to learn to allow ourselves to equally learn from our children as they do from us. Instead of pushing the way we live down their throats. But in order to do so we’re to address the gender inequality from young. Which means there’s a lot of work to do as it’s everywhere. Girls are overall offered the reflection on being silent. Where as my experience is that they’ve got a lot to offer and share. As do boys if we allow them to speak from their hearts.
We can learn so much from our children especially in the reflection they offer us. If any one of my children start to play up I have to question my relationship with myself and my husband in the choices we have made and are making.
What a gorgeous little baby boy Cherise! Take away the title of the blog and dress him in pink and he could be a she – such beauty, tenderness and a wisdom beyond his years in his eyes that surpasses any gender.
This is such a gorgeous photo of this baby boy. Men are born this sensitive, it is their nature.
Raising boys is actually easier and simpler than raising girls. This I have heard so many times from other women in the past, but what are we really saying there? Do we then just leave them to their own devices thinking that they are tough or have to toughen up so we do not hold them in the same way as with girls? Are we then making them learn to toughen up because even our actions and lack of support for their naturally tender side confirms for them, this side you have to loose. If we let go of the ideals and beliefs around how someone should be and just hold them as an equal, their given permission to just let their tenderness out, and learn that this is in fact, a great attribute.
Besides the stereotypical toys and colours imposed on children you also of course get to feel the stereotyped attitudes that come from pretty much anyone over the young and tender age you are at. So this is a huge subject to raise which requires great sensitivity and openness to our children so they can feel what is true from what is not.
“I know that when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t? And yet as boys and girls grow up, they are rarely cherished and supported from their families, schools and society for these same qualities. These qualities, that are an actual part of who they are for their entire lives, whether it is honoured by themselves and others or not, remain a fact.” I agree, i have personally been around thousands of babies and toddlers, and they are not at all ever seeking to deny their delicate, sensitive and beautiful selves. I notice what happens is they get told not to be a certain way. i typically see boys get high 5’s rather than hugs, and they are encouraged to really slap the high 5 rather than just be who they are. I have also never found a boy who doesnt like pink- we tell them not to like it, and they comply, or their access to it is limited, or they are raised being exposed to attitudes that convey somehow its lesser to prefer the colour pink, so for the boy it then doesnt feel ok or supported to express a preference for it.
I remember initially feeling in shock and dismay when i was told I was pregnant with a boy – boys are always fighting, they have to be so rough and tough and I thought I had no idea how to bring them up. I had totally bought into ideals and beliefs about boys and how different they were to girls – girls I could relate to not boys. However allowing my sons to grow up honouring their natural gentleness and sensitivity has been wonderful to witness. They are now young men who are deeply tender, very gentle and super sensitive and think nothing of wandering around the house with a clay face mask on. Such a far cry from the stereotypical tough guy image I once bought into.
That’s very cute Jane, ‘wandering around the house with a clay face mask on’… and why not!Before I was pregnant I had definitely made up my mind that I wanted two girls, both with blue eyes and brown hair, and that’s what I got. Whilst I was pregnant I convinced myself that I was having a boy and was elated when my daughter was born. Maybe I was buying into the illusion that boys were rough and tough too, and I believed that girls would be easier to look after, that and being able to dress them up in stereotypical pink frills and pretty dresses. Thank goodness that my daughter has not carried on the tradition and dresses her little boy in all colours, including pink, and is well aware of not going down the route of stereotyping him into being rough and tough and moulding him into being a ‘typical boy’, thus allowing him to retain his sensitivity and tenderness.
A great question you pose here Cherise – why is it that most of us would not dream of treating a baby without a lot of tenderness and care and yet at some undefined point in a child’s life we decide that we can no longer be like this with them and we have to be tough and hard with them so that by the time we are adults we no longer treat ourselves or each other with the same level of tenderness and care and gentleness that a baby rightly deserves? We have fallen for the illusion that because our physical bodies become stronger and bigger then we don’t need that tenderness anymore but the truth is as beings we remain just as sensitive and delicate and precious and just as easy hurt or harmed.
It is a very sad point you make about this ‘undefined point in a child’s life…’ that we change the way we are with our children, maybe it is because we want to protect them from the world, or maybe is it our frustration with ourselves at loosing touch with our own tenderness that we are missing, and therefore take it out on our children?
What are our true intentions as we raise our children… do we really live a true role model or have our upbringings tainted us with ideals and beliefs? When raising my daughter and son I was so aware of the inequality between sexes and yet I wasn’t sure how to handle it. I knew my son was a sensitive little boy – and yet in retrospect I did not always honour this. It was most inspiring to read your blog Cherise and to realise that we can change the world when we begin to change our own behaviours to one another.
There was never a truer word spoken Susan ‘we can change the world when we begin to change our own behaviours to one another…’ I would also like to add that we can change the world by changing our own behaviour towards ourselves. Be more gentle and loving, considerate, respectful, non-judgemental, and above all dropping the being hard on ourselves. This is something I am working on myself, so then things begin to change on the inside first, and before you know it the world reflects back and supports you further along your way.
I just look into the eyes of the child in the photo and see pools of love that have such depth and stillness that go far beyond gender.
Raising boys to be true to their nature so they can grow into strong yet tender men is the name of the game here. So many men have been raised to squash their tender side – it’s no wonder some men are angry, to cover up the hurt they feel yet weren’t able to or didn’t know how to express when they were younger.
We have a lot to learn from babies and young children… exposing that our ‘intelligence’ can go backward in life – and is not a deepening of our wisdom, but a waywardness and distancing from what we innately know to be true.
“It’s a Boy! What is true gender equality?” – true gender equality is nothing about stereotypes and pictures, but about the quality of a the baby, and nurturing this irrespective of their gender….because when a baby’s quality is the nurtured focus of parenting, their tenderness, sensitivity, unique expression, assuredness and strength is seeded, and, as a male or female, these are qualities that as adults they come to know themselves by, to hold their own steadiness, confidence and worth to touch all aspects of their life – personally and professionally. It is the absence of such qualities that has resulted in so much dysfunction in society/community, and so it is the presence of these [starting in the family home] that can restore such ill.
Knowing you, Cherise, it makes perfect sense for a little boy to come into your life. The way you are with expressing delicateness and tenderness is exquisite and something that this little boy has chosen to be nurtured and supported by.
We certainly do not have gender equality at the moment. Many people in countries like China and India would have felt the complete opposite to you, for them it is seen that having a girl is a burden and I was horrified to find out that many are left to die at birth, I only learnt of this the other day. They are either abandoned or wrapped in wet towels. This has happened so much in China that now a generation of young men are finding it hard to find partners as they are so many less girls. It is absolutely shocking. What I love about this is your honesty and willingness to call out all that is not love that you experience so it no longer has a hold on you. With this as a start your beautifull baby boy is completely blessed to have you as parents.
Whilst out shopping recently, I heard parents of a very gorgeous and delicate young boy refusing to buy him anything in pink because he was a boy and boys do not wear pink – the distress was evident and it was like seeing an almost invisible layer covering him from head to toe.
“As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.” Parenting children in this way is one of the biggest reponsibilities we have, whether it is with our own children or somebody elses. If all children grew up knowing that they are loved for who they are and not what they are, our future generations will live in a very differnt world to the one we live in today.
Feeling equal with others is something we are constantly choosing.
I feel the responsibility to every child as I make a choice to be connected to my divine essence or inner most, which is the esoteric.
Men are more sensitive than women, it is completely backward how we can impose that they are meant to be hard and tough when this is not their true nature.
All children should be supported to allow their own expression of their natural innate qualities as they grow up. It from here that equality lies for our innate qualities all come from the same place within us all and it is in this that we are one.
So simple and so beautifully said. Confirming that we are all the same on the inside and all calling for this unity to be honoured and expressed in society.
Gorgeous photo, and looking at it makes it hard to believe that we would want to change him into being rough and tough. He is blessed to have parents who will honour his gentleness.
This little chap looks extremely content and even though we would think he is to young to notice or feel the choices his parents are making, we couldn’t be further away from the truth. His eyes share it all and when we are not imposing in anyway shape or form then this gives everyone the space to just be themselves. That means less tension and anxiousness and more harmony and ease. This is a great place to be living from.
So true Natalie children can feel everything and just because they can’t speak does not mean they are not aware of everything going on around them, including our moods and emotions. When children are given the space to grow up without ideals and beliefs and emotional stress we are offering a child so much more freedom to know who they truly are.
“As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us”
When we allow a child to express naturally we support them to be who they really are, if we project our own images of what we think they should be like we are setting them up to fail.
The whole world sees the differences between boys and girls before it sees the similarities.
The ill pursuit of individualism
To “…drink a cup of concrete” is the perfect metaphor for hardening ourselves. Either action is equally as unnatural and detrimental to our wellbeing as the other despite our imposing expectations to ‘man up’ under duress. Great blog Cherise on a really topical point.
There are all these ideas around raising girls and boys – I have been told from different people that both sexes are difficult to bring up, and yet can some of the difficulties stem from raising them with gender steriotypes then letting them grow up with the essence of who they are.
Very beautiful Cherise, there needs to be more written about gender equality in this light. Not for it to be a competition between the sexes, but conversation around how do we raise young boys and girls to understand and have awareness for each other, their strengths and weaknesses and all that we have to offer.
This is beautiful and how I have been parenting…” It is from this true understanding of self that gender equality is naturally felt, understood and lived. ” There has been no push to be a certain way in their gender, I have a boy and a girl, they are who they are and their own expression has been there from the beginning, no restrictions or stereotypes that imprison and dampen true expression.
It hurts to look at a baby boy knowing that the world expects him to toughen up and lose his sensitivity. The glorious essence that shines from within needs to be nurtured and celebrated, not squashed and denied. I love that you are claiming this and cherishing this in your boy.
Do we ever consider what it means to grow up as a baby in a woman’s womb when you sense all those impositions coming to you or even sense that you are not okay because you do not have the gender your mother or parents expect?
It’s interesting that from day dot we start evaluating people based on what we think they are or ought to be and leave the matter of their expression and what we can feel of that firmly to one side. Unless that is we are reminded of our own essence and expression and in re-connecting to ours, appreciate and sense it in others, free of imposition and stereotype.
True gender equality starts with us and our responsibility to look at our own ideals and beliefs that we have brought in. It is from this place that we can begin to uncover our innate qualities and preciousness that is then reflected to the world. Thank you Cherise for sharing this much needed piece and the photo of your little one is oh so precious.
The imposition of gender stereotypes causes deep seeded issues that keep us from naturally be who we are as a man or a woman. In that sense, we need to restore gender equality within first before we can establish it outside.
I agree there is so much focus on gender, but regardless of the gender of our children – as parent’s it’s simply our job to allow them and support them to express who they are and never hold that back. Our job is essentially the same no matter what gender.
Our false perception about gender keeps us from accessing the truth about the deep beauty, sensitivity and tenderness that both women and men share equally.
Cherise, I enjoy the beauty of your baby’s face and features as one who is still connected to their divine exquisiteness. These little ones are such powerful reflections for us all of our true nature and where we come from.
True gender equality is not equal expression, but equal expression of the unique expression of each gender.
Gender inequality is one of the most ingrained historical issues – from birth to death there are prevailing ideas of gender and what it means to have a girl or boy, or to be a man and a woman and the role we have in society, the hindrances or unequal opportunities we encounter in our lives based on the gender we were born as. And in today’s society, there is also the unequal treatment of those who do not identify as either male or female, but somewhere along a spectrum between the two, and those who identify as other than heterosexual. Society has very ridged ideas of what it considers normal or the best, and when you do not fit into this very small category your experience of life contains many different inequalities.
I remember once watching an advert when some school children were told to draw a fireman, a fighter piolet and a paramedic/doctor – they all drew pictures of men in those roles. They then had a fireman, fighter piolet and paramedic visit the school – off of them women. It was interesting to see how even at very young ages, ideas around which jobs are for girls and which for boys had already developed, and that these children were given an opportunity to consider that their gender should not be the determining or limiting factor in the choice of career.
‘…beliefs on raising boys, such as teaching them to handshake firmly to portray their strength…’ It has been many times that I have been caught off guard by this and my hand has been crushed by an enthusiastic chap shaking it but I guess the clue is in what I have written – we become guarded from the way other men are and so become part of the cycle of toughness as our own protection from this triggers yet more in other men. I am learning that it is so important to keep connected to our deep sensitivity and be aware of the many ways we make choices in our lives to not be this instead of support it.
Gender inequality exposed powerfully as something that begins in the home and families, rooted in ideals and beliefs embodied from childhood through religion, culture, family, society. It brings responsibility for parenting right back to each one of us and our relationship we have with children. Despite what we say, without an awareness of beliefs and stereotypes still held in our heads about boy and girl, children we will continue to see the child’s gender first and not their innate essence that makes each one unique from another.
When people are young we see very awesome reflections of what being ‘male’ is and what ‘female’ is – but as we grow up tend to fit into certain ideals or pictures and could spend a long time fighting ourselves.
That is such a great point Mary. Not only do we need to watch out for the force of ideals and beliefs from society, but also our own thoughts and reactions in life, all of which can result in us imposing what we think is best on the child. Regardless of sex or age, every one of us wants to be loved, honoured and cherished for exactly who we are.
I remember when I was pregnant people asking me whether I wanted a boy or a girl and I can honestly say I didn’t have a preference. I ended up having a boy and a girl, and loved and treated them both the same with regard to their gender. I loved them both for who they were equally so, and still do and always will.
Exactly Cherise, there is no such things as true stereotypes and so that which we call stereotypes are lies at first sight. And so equality in gender comes from the heart no colours or drive. We must allow every unique human being to express their truth, openness and love – in whatever colours they come!
Thank you for addressing this Cherise because boys are taught to suppress their sensitivity and their feelings, which most boys do completely. Most men are unaware that they have sold out to this but there is great harm in society because of it.
I agree with that Bernhard, because we raise children to these stereotypes our children are not allowed to develop themselves into the human beings they naturally could be. The tension this bring in the body does have its repercussion in our society as we for instance can see in the great harm some man are able to bring to the people they love or to the society they live in.
True Bernard and this is a great shame that robs both men and women of the potential to really get to know each other and deeply connect. It’s a tragedy.
This baby boy is uber sweet and sensitive, the photo captures all you have presented well.
Cherise as you share “As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality” it confirms something that we are doing as we raise our child, that it is about supporting the child to be who they are not what we think they should be. Having the support of Universal Medicine has completely transformed the way we parent.
I reacted similarly Cherise 21 years ago when I was told I was pregnant with a boy. So many ideals and beliefs about gender can find their way in and muddy the waters if we allow them to. When our children are raised in a way that honours their own unique essence they feel free to express who they are and the whole world lights up. This is beautiful for all to see and feel for it exposes the harm of gender stereotyping.
Is it any wonder we grow up confused and not knowing who we are and what we want out of life, with all of these early messages being communicated constantly telling us to be something we are not. Thank you Cherise for highlighting that there is more going on than meets the eye. Also that is one cute baby photo, gorgeous.
Thank you for your expression Cherise.
Gender is an expression, not who we are.
True Alex and yet we have pretzeled who we are to fit into our image of gender.
Your son knew what he was doing when he chose you for a mother Cherise. It is so beautiful to feel how much love you hold boys in.. just gorgeous.
Boys are, as you’ve shared, often taught and raised to be tough, insensitive and someone who can provide for others, but if parents were to discern what was right for their child and (without expectations) look at how they felt to parent them rather than how others/society have told them to parent, would our children grow up differently? And would men feel more confident in themselves without a protective edge?
How many boys or girls can say that they have grown up totally unimposed by their parents? Without expectations, needs and pictures to live up to? My guess is – not many.
I think we are so far away from knowing what true gender equality is that we think that the truth of it is women and men having all the possibilities of doing and achieving whatever they want in life. WHEN the truth of it is that women and men are actually in essence all the same and it’s that essence both women and men have lost and in that lost-ness they are looking for what they think is equality. True equality starts first within each individual, it’s a reconnection to an essence that lies within all of us and it’s that essence we need to develop a relationship and equality to first hand. All the rest will then take care of itself. For sure we need to strive for the physical/material equality but without the essence being with us it’s just going to look good on the surface whilst we are eroding on the inside. It starts with love, and then the love will make wonders.
“The responsibility of raising a boy is huge, but it’s also very simple in truth and no different to raising a girl.” This is true…to raise a child without ideals and beliefs is a tricky thing, but by honouring and allowing the individual to be themselves with their own unique expression is the most supportive thing we can do.
An important conversation to have. Thank you for the opportunity, Cherise. There are so many ways we pigeon hole our genders that diminish our true equality and unique qualities.
We are all born unique with our own expressions talents and way of being and our gender is all part of this. The responsibility we have as parents is so important to allow this equality by the way we treat and allow our childrens own expression naturally is amazing in the changes we can bring to the current ways of being and belief systems we have taken on and the stereotypes that we are conditioned to all around us.
Stereotypes are such insidious lies; we devalue people when we buy into them.
The person within is much grander than a one-dimensional stereotype.
“As parents it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. It is from this true understanding of self that gender equality is naturally felt, understood and lived. From this foundation a boy or girl, man or woman can express themselves and their gender to reflect the gorgeousness, preciousness and tenderness of who they simply are… and through whatever colours they choose!”This is beautiful and allows true appreciation for the beauty we all are .
I’ve now seen so many pictures of both men and women through the ‘before & after photo’s’ (for more information, see http://www.unimedliving.com) in which people share the different connection with themselves during their lifes. Literally everyone – just as on the photo on the top of this blog – is feeling connected and great when just born, but along our lifes we end up being the complete opposite of the quality we were when we were born.
What if we would truly consider that there’s something in life and about life that is worth studying. In order to get to know ourselves at a very young age so we wouldn’t need to loose ourselves, use alcohol, drugs, sleeping around etc. to medicate the emptiness and hurts within. We are to feel life and study what’s going on and from there turn around the tide in schools, in families and at workplaces. We all want love, love, love. To love and to be loved. Simple, yet nearly all our systems are void of love… Only by standing up, expressing that we want caring and loving systems we will change the world. But if we don’t, things will only get worse.
Such a gorgeous photo. It just shows how much we impose stereotypes of how we think genders behave when he is so clearly communicating who he is from his being. How crazy, shut down, hurt we are as a society to ignore this beauty, wisdom and fragility.
This is so beautiful to read, about parents who are in the world and committed to raising people, who will then walk amongst us with all of the love and care that was given to them.
The face of this child says everything about equality before one word of this article is read. The invitation to drop any judgement, ideals, beliefs or barriers is completely disarming as his pure essence presents itself. This is the face of every one of us.
We are graced by the unconditional love and openness babies emanate, they are not yet stained by the conditions people tend to coat each other with which is usually part of developing a personality during childhood. One of such conditions is gender and all the images and expectations that society has developed and put before who we are as an individual gorgeous divine being; to the baby that makes no sense as it doesn´t know itself by gender but by the presence of their being.
It’s true Cherise, your blog is very important to restructuring society and restoring harmony in ourselves and between men and women. I often observe that I cannot tell the difference of a young born if it is a girl or boy. They both display the qualities of sensitivity and delicateness. When I started to honour these qualities in myself again it has been the most healing and continually opens me to the more I am.
How amazing it must be for a child to grow up and be allowed to be just who they are and not having to adjust to fit in to their parents expectations.
Gender inequality is so ingrained and in many ways subtle and hidden. I just asked myself how it would be being in your place, Cherise and I realize giving birth to a boy brings up a lot of childhood hurts with my father which then unconsciously laces the relationship to the boy, if not healed. So it’s a great place to deal with hurts and heal them to the best of one’s ability.
This photo is the perfect illustration: The absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us is something they know within themselves and it is this that is to be cherished, nurtured and confirmed along his way.
In some ways girls and boys are becoming more and more similar but it is not because they are returning to a truthful way of being, it is because girls are taking on the false characteristics that boys take on from a young age, such as hardness, aggression, dismissiveness, arrogance, hostility etc The truth of the matter is that both girls and boys are cut from identical cloth and that cloth is no-thing other than the Body of God.
I recently saw a short video on the internet of a young girl spelling out the stereotyping of boys and girls whilst shopping with her father. It is that clear to us and to children and yet we still perpetuate this pattern of streaming people into a set way of being according to gender stereotypes and in ignorance of the effects it has. Appreciating the true qualities that we all have and supporting us all to live in expression of these is the way forward and now there are a growing number of living examples of the possibility to do this.
The photo of your son is just so precious, and that’s exactly what all babies, all people are in reality. There is nothing more heart melting than an little boy who is still full of his cuteness – it has so much power to melt those around them, more power than being tough and never crying.
Allowing children to grow up and express who they are without imposition or other people’s ideals and beliefs is incredibly freeing and allows children to find out who they really are. I know as a child I would have loved this. I grew up in an era where children were seen but not heard, and to be seen you had to conform to a certain way. “We each have our own unique way of expression and this is what needs to be fostered and connected to in our children” so very true Cherise.
It is nye on impossible for most parents to not impose on their kids. We each carry so many ideas about how to parent, even the notion of not imposing could potentially be a form of imposition if it wasn’t executed in a certain way.
Our children can teach us so much provided we are willing to listen and be open to the learning. As parents, most of us have a willingness to do what is right for our children and so we do often give parenting our best ‘go’. But as Cherise has so beautifully revealed here, there is so much conditioning around parenting and bringing up our children that it does take a lot of openness to see it (parenting) for what it is. Without the openness we can stay ingrained in habits and choices that do not allow our children (nor ourselves) to really be all of who they are. In a world that is rife with such conditioning, it is a blessing when we give our family the well needed and deserved support. Since encountering Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, my parenting has undergone some very simple changes which have enriched our lives in so many ways. Thank you Cherise for your sharing that helps us break down some of the many conditioning that we can hold as parents.
There is huge societal pressure to conform to gender stereotypes. Try searching for clothes for boys and you will see what I mean: a narrow template of colours often – blues, greys, browns and khaki. Choose clothes and toys for children based on who they are re-quires that we drop pictures stored in our heads and start connecting to the child in front of us.
It is fascinating that as a society it has been understood that certain colours refer to different genders. Some of society have rebelled against such conditionings while others have conformed by not questioning it. There is no harm in girls being dressed in pink and boys in blue but what has been allocated to in these beliefs is that the other can not wear blue or pink. I know the amount of times I see a man wearing pink and I just adore it. Could it be that each colour of the colour spectrum has a different quality to it and it is about us feeling into what we want to wear on the day. That we can teach our children to dress how they feel and what it is that they want to express with no conditions. Our expression in who we are and what we feel is super important, so if we shut down our children in this basic level what else are we shutting them down to in there expression.
To impose our ideals and beliefs onto a child based on their gender is like keeping a bird in a cage. We limit their expression based on imprisonment of the imaginary walls that we build around them based on their sex.
What a gorgeous baby boy! You are right that all babies are so sweet and so precious. If only we kept treating them as such, so they would not grow up forgetting how gorgeous they are -as we all have. Having spent many years coming back to this in my later years, it seems like a much better option to just keep this feeling going, rather than squashing it and hiding for decades until you decide you want it back.
The colour scheme differences are very noticeable in clothes available to boys and girls. I found that when they are young (pre-school and early primary), boys still had colourful options. Then as they grew into bigger sizes there was a sudden change to navy, black and brown and as you say, skulls and crossbones were everywhere! So its not just coming from the boys or the parents. It is what is available in the stores. And if all their friends are only wearing certain colours, it seems there is more pressure to fit in and not stand out.
There are no coincidences. Everything is spherical, we are here to nurture and support our little bundles of joy and they are here to support us in our own evolution. Understanding this, my own journey as a parent has begun to feel completely different. Inviting me to simply be myself and express my truth always, without expectation or imposition, allowing my children the space to be who they truly are. I still have a lot to learn and I am having a lot of fun doing so.
I remember feeling a reaction when I learnt that my third child was also a boy. I had been quite sure that I was having a girl, it’s very exposing to feel how conditioned I was in my belief that having a mix of genders would be preferable and how my perspective was very much about me, what my partner and I ‘wanted’. It’s extremely humbling to now know that my beautiful boys chose me to be their mother, thereby giving me the perfect opportunity to learn how to be the gorgeous woman that I am. To learn how powerful it is to show my vulnerability and how disarming it is for the pack energy that males can go into, to meet and feel the exquisite tenderness in each man. It has been an absolute blessing for me, which I truly appreciate.
Raising a child is investing in the quality of the future.
Imposing on children to be anything other than who they are is an investment in the continuation of a world that clearly doesn’t work.
Well said Kylie! The future is in our hands and how we support it to unfold in its own natural way. It is time we dropped the conditioning that we use in parenting (and other areas in life) for we can see it is not working.
Very well said, Kylie. This highlights the importance for all of us, not just for parents, to simply reflect back to children that they have permission to be themselves in full.
“Many people have shared their beliefs on raising boys, such as teaching them to handshake firmly to portray their strength” – Cherise this is very true and in my job of Recruitment I’m constantly shaking people’s hands, and many times feel the crushing of my hand underneath someone else’s [typically a man’s], and say something to then find at the end of the meeting a whole difference in their touch and hold, texture, even (warmer) temperature of the hand – it’s quite amazing that with expression, there is such response. And that’s all it takes.
It is so healing for all the family when our children are allowed to be and to express their full and honest expression rather than being encouraged to fit into the ideals and beliefs of our society. Sometimes parents find the truth being expressed from their children very confronting and because they cannot live with the exposure of themselves they choose to put their children into already pre set moulds as dictated by others.
My children have been my best teachers and although this has been personally challenging for me at times I deeply appreciate what they have shared with me.
It is so exposing when I feel my own observations of a baby without knowing the gender in that moment. The ‘wanting’ to know the gender first before the thinking and how a person then shapes how they speak and the words they say to the baby. It is huge the way our expression is influenced and laced by our perceptions of gender. This is so limiting and so damaging.
I love the fact that you are not raising your boy to be like you or your partner – a true appreciation in that he is unique and that he already enhouses everything he needs to be.
In a world where gender is such a preconceived idea, we are raised with it and live with it and so it is already so much a part of our reality that when we decided to have children it is already there, almost unquestionably passed on. Do we stop to consider our ideas around gender, both our own and others? Sometimes it is the subtlest behaviours and ideas that are the hardest to recognise.
In a world where gender is such a preconceived idea, we are raised with it and live with it and so it is already so much a part of our reality that when we decided to have children it is already there, almost unquestionably passed on. Do we stop to consider our ideas around gender, both our own and others? Sometimes it is the subtlest behaviours and ideas that are the hardest to recognise.
To bring up children in the knowing of their own amazingness is such a gift, it lays the foundation for each child to bring all of who they are into the world, regardless of age.
To be able to feel (F E E L ! !) that both girls and boys carry the same essence, one of love, grace, innocence, playfulness, sacredness etc. We’re all magnificent beings, yet by not claiming and being supported to do so, we’re leaving those innate qualities that live within us in order to be accepted in society. And as boys are told to not be sensitive, let alone show their sensitivity, they’re pretty much all giving up on their sensitivity and in choosing so, they loose their connection to truth and love. So all they’re able to offer girls is a bastardised version of the love they naturally are. By girls accepting that, not expressing their love for the boys, society gets lost. Despite the fact that we are A L L innately precious, adorable and very loving. Are we the generation that stops this way of living? Or more personally, are you the one stopping the abusive cycle we’re in?
We need to honour the sensitivity of all of us, equally. The fact of gender is almost insignificant.
We have many ideals to do with how children should be raised, what colours they should like, toys they use, behaviours they develop, at what age they should starting walking, talking, reading etc. etc. etc., and the list really could go on, but what if parenting was approached as a supportive role where we teach kids how to take everything they’ve already got and already are, and express it in the world.
It is gorgeous to feel how your son is being loved and celebrated as a soulful being and not according to his gender. There is a real opportunity here to break through the ideals and beliefs that imprison us into confined and clichéd modes of expression.
The act of championing ideals and beliefs seems almost Medieval now, when I think about it.
We always really struggled with toys for our young daughter. In the boys section there was an amazing array of things that catered for every different ‘type’ of child. It was always very easy to find stuff that our boys wanted or that suited their characters and interests. But in the girls section…I felt like I was being forced into buying into some kind of pre-determined, ultra-narrow, massively-reduced version of the amazingness that my daughter was. There seemed to be only one ‘type’ of girl catered for – and she was equally bemused by it all! I still don’t fully understand this.
Great insight Otto, this could be the case for many!
No doubt that we are all equal. But it is also a joy to celebrate our individual expressions. I try to treat my children with absolute equality but am also learning that there are things that they definitely are not equal at and that it is very confirming and supportive to celebrate those differences rather than bunching them all under the same umbrella. With three kids that can sometimes mean more effort is needed and thus I have sometimes tried for the ‘easier’ option of them all doing the same….but, after coming unstuck many times! I am now really loving embracing their individual expressions – whilst never forgetting that, at the core, we are all equal.
I am constantly learning to de-configure the conditioning to ‘harden up’ and to return to the delicate, vulnerable and tender man I truly am.
‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’ How did we get that idea that boys should be though, I totally agree every baby is equally precious, tender,delicate and sensitive. We all have this responsibility to reflect this in their entire life.
Boys are as expressive in the way they dress and their hairy-style, etc. as girls if you just let them. I enjoy very much when men have the freedom to dress up and to see them have fun with it.
When we pull back and really accept and honour ourselves and our children that’s where the magic can happen!
Meeting some of the children brought up by parents who are students of the Ageless Wisdom you can clearly see their lightness, tenderness and open expressiveness (while still being absolute kids) and it is a joy to see.
It’s true that the impositions placed on both boys and girls are equally debilitating in their own ways, and stifle the natural beauty that could otherwise be expressed.
“Everywhere I looked, boys were being dressed in clothes that were of certain colours – blues, greens and black – and they were also surrounded by certain details, such as cars and trucks or super-heroes and crossbones.” – I didn’t really find that so much, I saw many colourful cute clothes for boys and also toys that varied in expression. Maybe the fact that we had a girl first and our boy was growing up with an older sister allowed him to express in his choices a bit more balanced too. Yes he did love trucks, and I had always wondered that, even though we did not push stereotype toys on him, from when he could sit and we would go for walks, we always had to stop and watch for ages if there were cranes or big trucks or roadworks – he was fascinated.
I very much appreciate the depth of your honesty here Cherise – in that you’d previously held a ‘picture’ that you would have a little girl, and that when you recognised this, you were willing to explore more deeply what may have held you back from equally cherishing the experience of having a little boy, and the raising of him that is to come. I can relate to similar pictures I’ve held in my own life also – none of them reflecting a love that’s real, and all of them seeking for a kind of ‘safe haven’ in life, where if all the details of the picture were to come into reality, to match the vision so longed and sought for, then there’d be a sense of ‘everything being ok’.
What I’ve been learning along the way, is that the mere existence of such a picture, of such a need… alerts me to a deeper quality of love and embracing of life I could be living right here now.
We escape from a true commitment to life in the seeking to fulfill our pictures of how we think it needs to be – oftentimes utilising such escapes in order to mask what is here for us not only to deal with, but to appreciate in our own lives here and now.
And oh what a beautiful photo of the baby – such serenity and stillness looking out of those eyes …
Having had 2 children, both my partner and I were very clear we did not need to know the gender of them before they were born. As I was a ‘late’ mother (38 with 1st, 41 which 2nd child) I had opted out the medical scene due to the fact that late mothers often are advised to have cesarean births etc etc… I was and felt very well and we engaged a homebirth midwife for the birth of both children. So ultrasounds were never done and we trusted that baby was well. And with both babies, once they were born, it never occured to me to check for gender – it was just the most sacred and beautiful moment to hold these small beings in my arms (both times, they are 3 years apart). It was only when someone said if I wanted to know that I actually found out that my first baby was a little girl. With the 2nd baby which we did deliver at home in a beautiful and short water birth at the dawn of the day, I was convinced I was having a girl and when I discovered it was a boy it was such a gorgeous surprise, to have one of each. I feel truly blessed to have been given these experiences.
An insightful and important blog Cherise as the children we bring into the world are the next generation. And laying all these beliefs on them will surely be detrimental to their development and evolution too, for them and the rest of humanity too.
It is a travesty that we think tenderness is something that a child needs to grow out of in order to grow up.
It’s quite something to stop and truly acknowledge that beauty and sensitivity is who we all are. How exhausting living trying to other than who we are and celebrating and cherishing our natural way of being. It is no wonder illness and disease are through the roof and coping mechanisms are becoming ever more extreme.
This is a common sentiment I have heard when chatting to friends of mine who have become parents. Why is it we need to define one sex a certain way and not another? Reading what you say today Cherise, it feels clear to me that this habit of boxing things into categories and definitions is not just limited to sons and daughters but to all of life. This example shows how comforting it might be to know ‘what a boy is’ but how harmful this is – it reduces everything down and separates it apart in a way that’s just not realistic to how things actually are. If we are not the labels and stereotypes – who is it that we are underneath?
When I read this – “I was sensing my reaction to this as well, as I know that when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t?”, I got curious as to when does it happen that we go from treating them pretty much equal, to then starting to load them up with the stereotypes. And it’s a bit like the chicken & the egg scenario – we expect it, they act on it, we confirm that they are like that when they act like that and they do it more. Congratulations on choosing to break that cycle and allow your boy to be whoever he is and to nurture those qualities as he grows up.
“The responsibility of raising a boy is huge, but it’s also very simple in truth and no different to raising a girl”, agree Cherise, and when it comes down to being a teacher of love in regards the parenting of any child, no longer is gender the salient leading factor.. for love is what establishes decency, respect, care irrespective of raising specifically ‘a boy’ or ‘a girl’.
When my son was little he loved wearing dresses but when he wanted to wear them to school I was faced with a dilemma – I was afraid that he would be teased by the other children. I explained as best I could what I felt and he reluctantly changed into shorts and T-shirt. Soon after that, he stopped wearing dresses, possibly because I allowed this belief in ‘gender stereotypes’ to affect me.
Whilst as women we have been asking for equality in many areas there have been aspects of life that I have looked at and consider ‘not fair’ to the men. One of them is the type of clothes they are ‘allowed’ to wear. There is no sensible reason why they can not wear dresses, make up or high heals in normal every day life. I can’t see why your boy could not go to school with his dress without anyone teasing him. Why do boys need to act and look tough? It is high time that we had more of these blogs and these conversations, to start to drop these unwritten restrictive rules.
So lovely Cherise, that you are raising your boy to stay in touch with his sensitivity and tenderness and not be modelled on the tough male stereotype. What a gift to us women to have men who do not need to prove themselves and who are more in touch with their love and are therefore more able to love and let love in.
“As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.” There can be no better foundation for our children than this!
‘Everywhere I looked, boys were being dressed in clothes that were of certain colours – blues, greens and black – and they were also surrounded by certain details, such as cars and trucks or super-heroes and crossbones.’ – How odd that we are still imprisoned in these patterns in year 2016 when we call ourselves liberated, modern and free spirited.
Beautiful for bringing this awareness Cherise, to truly honour a child for their true essence and allow them to be the tender and sensitive person they where born, is a great way to keep equality in gender. Both genders are equally sensitive and tender, loving and joyful.
This is such a normalised way of living that we have accepted an inequality between men and women, older and younger. Such a devastation that it has on society and is a continual stumbling block for us all who follow suit. Breaking free from such shackles and seeing that we are all the same on the inside and that we each have this unique and gorgeous expression can only be the way out of such a mess.
I have seen many grown men struggle to deal with emotional situations, and sadly many take their lives because they see no other options.Perhaps if we were more encouraging of men expressing the suicide rates would not be so high?Men are no less sensitive than women, in fact I would probably say they are more sensitive than women.
The ideals around having a ‘girl’ or a ‘boy’ are truly THAT strong, aren’t they Cherise… The love in which a baby and growing being is held can be so deeply tainted by strongly held notions of how he or she should be, the colours that are ‘ok’ for him/her, the toys, and then, the behaviour that’s deemed ‘gender appropriate’… Both sexes are held in such intense expectation – which can be so revealing the unresolved issues of parents and those around the child. Much of which is, understandable, given that we’ve ALL been so bombarded with ideals and expectations – imposed upon as to how we should be before we even take our first breath it seems…
It’s a wonder we ‘come through’ with a sense of being intact at all, really… phew…
Yet, enter into the equation, the love that you speak so beautifully of – a love that knows our inherent equalness and that is willing to dismantle unreal expectations and that which impedes on a natural expression – and everything is, indelibly changed. Congratulations to you and your partner Cherise – and what a foundation of love your little one has come into. Deeply beautiful.
It sounds so simple and it could be skipped over; to not recognise people for their talents or what they do but love them for who they are, a very impactful change which can change someones life.
Beautiful sharing Cherise and to ponder on for every one.
I never wanted children, but if it would ‘happen’ it should be a girl. Than I was falling in love with a guy (thank God he is still my husband) who had two little boys. And I had to deal with this. I thought I have to deal with them, but in fact I had to deal with my expectations and specially with my lack of wanting to take responsibility. Life was giving me exactly what was needed to get out of my comfortable zone and learn, grow.
This is now very long ago and recently I met the sweet two boys (who are now men in fact) with their girlfriends for a Christmas celebration. To meet them is to meet also my way of being with them and what our relationship has brought through. So they reflect to me how I was and how I am with them now. This can be confrontational or confirming – anyway it is to honour and to appreciate, as they are reflecting to me my own choices and way of living.
How different the world would be if we developed a child’s quality, love and sensitivity, rather than falling for the trap of recognition and acceptance, would we not have more men who know who they are and accept sensitivity, gentleness and tenderness as a strength and not as a weakness.
Haha, I must confess, Cherise, to opening up this blog again this morning just so I can see your beautiful baby boy. Thank you for presenting this powerful message that celebrates each and every one of us.
You’ve really highlighted the importance of appreciating and meeting children for WHO they are rather than what they do. This teaches them not to be identified by their abilities, clothing, culture or even looks but to always feel confident in who they are.
Think you have covered pretty much everything on true gender equality…. and what a blessing it is for us all when parents allow children to just be themselves and to find their own expression…. we all benefit as children are our future, and a future that we all come back to!
Thank you Cherise – this topic needs to talked about more and more so we can call out what many of us hold subconsciously yet think we treat both genders the same. What you are also presenting here as well as an article on gender equality is true parenting in that when we raise our children with love and a knowing of who they are first before doing anything all the external stuff matters no more.
I love what you say here about raising children equally – that a boy is no different from a girl and can be raised no differently to feel that they do not have to take on the stereotypes of how boys are raised or girls are raised.
Cherise, this is very lovely, ‘My partner and I aren’t raising our children to be like us or follow our traits, as they are their own people, with their own learning in life to come. We are also conscious of the fact that we are not raising children to ‘fit society,’ I love this, I can feel that so often children are raised to be like their parents, to have the same hobbies, the same beliefs, it is like we want to raise mini versions of us, when actually our children can be very different in how they feel about life and their expression.
“When we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t?” What a fabulous and true observation. The fact that we endeavour to mould our children into how we believe they should be is a powerful reflection and indictment of how we suppress their true beingness. It is saying we know more than God – what arrogance.
We are all responsible for what we reflect to children, as this is what they will come to believe is the norm. What sort of normal are we reflecting? Boys are incredibly tender and gorgeous. Do we support that as they grow into adult men?
I exposed my own feelings once before in respect to how I treat young boys and girls differently, it is subtle, yet harming. I remember before clocking how I was slightly tougher on boys I was teaching than girls, less understanding of any tears or reactions, it was subtle but also definitely there. So even as a very gentle sensitive man I was holding ideals that boys should be tough and strong. Which makes me wonder how damaging such behaviour is to the child growing up and how important it is to start to let go of those subtle reactions, and role model true love and care for both genders in equality of their sensitivities and tenderness.
Cherise, thank you for highlighting what a harmful imposition it is to raise our children with any ideals and beliefs around what it means to be male or female, as we are then already expecting our children to be a certain way. A way that dis-honours their natural way of being. However subtle our comments may be, they are sending a message, which is felt before it’s heard.
It seems it only becomes different for us, raising boys versus girls, when we allow ourselves to be guided by any ideals and beliefs that we have around what it means to be male or female, stereotypes that actually stop us from being who we are as we are being asked to fit a model that isn’t true.
Beautiful Cherise, more of these blogs are needed. The new way, or should I say ancient way, of educating our young needs to be shared.. Even if we had it in the whole upside down! We need true education back in life! That is not to become, but to be acknowleged for who you are first and foremost!
Wow, Cherise your blog is very much needed. I feel that our current way of raising children is not truly supporting us, our families or our society. What you’ve shared is showing us that there is another way, a simpler, more loving and supportive way. That is to raise our children to be who they are, to cherish and appreciate their natural qualities and not try to mould them into what society or others expect them to be but allow them to simply be themselves.
The cuteness that emanates from the photo of top of this blog is so lovely to see. Full of sparkle, joy, observing life, sweet and innocent. Which has nothing to do with his clothes or that he’s a boy. We’re giving words to what we feel and because we’ve got a ‘picture’ that is relating to what we feel, we ‘picture’ the little boy as cute, but miss out on feeling him as a being that is simply emanating his innate connection with his Soul. We’re fooling ourselves without even knowing that we do.
It’s great Cherise that you have brought this up in a blog to be considered. The effects we have on babies when we begin by categorising them by their gender and not for simply seeing them as the precious vulnerable beings that they all are, we are suppressing their true expression and influencing them to dis-connect from their own unique qualities. Is it possible that this is the beginning of them feeling they have to be this way to be seen and loved by their parents and to ‘fit in’ with societies expectations of them that later can lead to so much bias and unrest and the many different kinds of ways we can go searching to once again find what we dis-connected from as very young children – our true self and own unique way of truly expressing?
“As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. ” Hear hear. I looked again into the amazing eyes of the boy in the photo and it is as if everything he is, will be and has the potential to be, is right there already, his eyes gifting us with the opportunity to feel that same beauty and equallness in ourselves.
I agree that it is easy to get lost in the gender roles that we all play, and especially with children, there is a lot of pressure to conform to what is expected. It takes a strong and dedicated parent to see your child through all of this so they may remain still who they are and not a product of what society needs them to be.
Spot on Cherise, it’s not the gender but the quality with which we emanate that is to be cherished. To walk this path as a parent is a true and inspiring way to raise our kid.
When you look into this gorgeous baby boy’s eyes, and feel his whole body, it’s supple ease, the clarity of his grace, and the utter delicate beauty and sensitivity he’s emanating … to change, stop or prohibit these [qualities] from being is automatic indictment upon our humanity … His photo and captured essence is thus a call back to the gentleness and love that lives in each one of us, to return to who we truly are. His soft cheeks and smile there to inspire entirety.
This is a very powerful subject the sex of our children, and as you shared how even as parents to be we hold a preference, expectations and beliefs…some of us say we ‘don’t care’ what sex we have as long as it’s healthy’, maybe?
Already we are influenced by ideals and beliefs even before the baby is born and if the baby is not the preferred sex there is a moment of disappointment which will be transferred to the child if we do not look at why we prefer a certain sex, what is it for us as you have so beautifully expressed Cherise. Something that appears as simple as this can impact our child for life. I have friends who have shared, how ‘dad wanted me to be a boy’, so he was disappointed i was a girl and i ended up in competitive sports always wanting to be a winner for dad, but it was not who i was or what i wanted to do in my life. i never felt he was satisfied. this is an example of the depth of what you have shared Cherise.
What a real and honest discussion on gender equality and the steriotyped impositions we as individuals, parents and in society put on our children. From my experience having had two boys they are deeply tender and sensitive and to allow and nurture this is an amazing gift for a true way of being.
Interesting topic and post Cherise, yes, the raising or parenting of a child in, with and by their own love and truth, is the true man or true woman in later life. The absence of love, is the presence of need[iness], boxes to fit/tick off, pictures to aspire to and be disappointed by. The presence of love brings the presence of joy whether a boy or a girl.
It this photo this baby is saying ‘ I know it all already – support me to express all of who I am! And don’t be fooled along the way. He is absolute in his awareness! Look out Cherise, he already is teaching the world about what raising a child is all about as is reflected in this article!
I had something similar – if I ever had a child I thought it would be a girl. It never happened but it clearly was an idea and thank you, Cherise, for clarifying this.
We really do need to not impose things like colours on children, as this alone is enough to start us off on the wrong foot if we are to ever have gender equality. Imagine if we were all taught to stay with our gentleness and tenderness from day one. It would then be interesting to see how much violence there was in the world.
This little, and very gorgeous boy you have brought into this world has certainly chosen a beautiful family to support him as he grows up in a society that has already placed him into a blue box full of cars and diggers. What a gift, a very unique one in the world today, he has been given to grow up as he truly is and not confined by societal beliefs to be something that he is actually not, with all the angst that comes with not living the truth.
Before there can be gender equality there must be equality in principle, before we look at the unique features of every person there is the overall equality that is common to us all and the universal foundation for who we are. Then gender or any other individual feature is an expression of the oneness contributing and reflecting a facet of the all that makes the one.
‘Boys are raised to be ‘tough,’ ‘rough’ and ‘tumble’; if they are hurt, they’re told to drink a cup of concrete and harden up and, quite frankly, to not be too sensitive.’ – When it is clearly spelled out like this, it becomes very obvious why most men don’t show their feelings, particularly not if it is of a sensitive nature. It makes total sense that they don’t when they have been raised to believe that that is wrong. Time to break this deeply ingrained consciousness.
I love this Cherise. I don’t have children and won’t now, but I also always thought that if I had a child it would be a girl. Such prejudice even before the baby is conceived! It’s great to expose this and to unveil the fact that we are all the same in essence and we all need tender loving care no matter what our gender. Any expression that comes from a child needs to be unique to them, not something that has been pinned to them from before birth. How wonderful that you are willing to let this happen naturally with your own child. What a gift your awareness brings.
I would love to know where the idea that pink is just for girls and blue is just for boys came from. It’s quite ridiculous really when you stop and think about it and yet it has become accepted as ‘normal’ throughout most parts of the modern world.
So true, and when my son was born one of the then elderly neighbours came over to see him after she had found out we had a boy, and she brought a little blue jumpsuit as a gift too – I am sure it would have been pink had it been a girl 🙂
Something you have shared here is very important Cherise, the natural delicate and sensitive qualities that a person is born with remain a part of who they are for their entire life no matter if they or others honour it or not.
Yes it all comes back down to choices doesn’t it – we all have the possibility to honour who we truly are in our essence, and our life will reflect the choices we have made to honour or live in disregard to this deep inherent knowing….
There is such a steadiness in those eyes that is beyond any ideas and concepts of gender. It really speaks to how we impose our ideas onto our children around what it means to be a boy or a girl.
I love your expression Jenny, this very direct, steady and still – look I can feel such an assuredness as well of who he is in his essence – very beautiful.
Its interesting that if a baby isnt given coloured clothing, but just dressed in white, its almost impossible sometimes, to tell the gender from looking at them – before society comes in with its stereotypes they are just balls of cuteness and joy. There is nothing wrong with gender and identifying as male or female, but we have made these things our focus, the deciding factor in how child is raised, either surrounded by pink or blue.
I couldn’t help returning to the photograph, those eyes, such a deeply beautiful boy, steady and still, tender and aware.
Yes I just went back to this blog too to look – such a still and serene look, truly aware.
I totally agree with what you’ve shared Cherise to do with the undeniable sensitivity and tenderness of babies and young children. It’s hard to ignore, but many parents do because an image kicks in that they need to be raising ‘strong’ and ‘tough’ kids (this happens with both genders but particularly boys), and then fragility is discounted as a sign of weakness. But this blog raises an extremely important question – why? And whoever said that sensitivity equalled lack of power or strength?
I agree Susie, having seen this toughening up process within my own family and it is horrible to watch. Even the words like sissy and encouraging activities like motorbike riding at a very young age are just ways used to harden the youngest up in order to fit into a picture of what it means to be a man – is it any wonder men do not know how to cope with their feelings.
When we squash our kids into these man-made gender pigeonholes, we reduce their expression and thereby lose out on really enjoying and benefiting from their entire amazingness. It is actually very okay to allow boys to cry and wear pink and its okay to allow girls to do ‘boy’ things. What is absolutely vital is that we support the child to hold true to what they feel and learn how to hold onto their values in a world that demands many things of them. Making kids jump through the hoops of gender appropriateness coupled with our education fanaticism will never allow our children to really deliver all their incredible wisdom, love and appreciation that resides within them. Meeting them for who they are on the inside first and then supporting them to express all the qualities of their gender, which have a much greater range than we give credit for does really produce some awesome adults, as you are proving Cherise.
Yes, Michelle. Why it would be any different for boys than girls is indeed a question we need to seriously ask ourselves and each other, when we all feel the preciousness of a new born baby regardless of gender. This asks us to reflect on how and why we have set up society in this way.
Oh my goodness, what a beautiful baby, Cherise. Thank you for raising our awareness of how we dismiss the purely divine nature of a new born child by imposing our ideals and beliefs upon them.
Beautiful article Cherise, ‘And yet as boys and girls grow up, they are rarely cherished and supported from their families, schools and society for these same qualities. These qualities, that are an actual part of who they are for their entire lives, whether it is honoured by themselves and others or not, remain a fact.’ I see this with the young boys I know, they are so obviously naturally sweet and sensitive and yet even at a young age there is an expectation from their parents and school that they will not be sensitive and cry and not be sweet and delicate and gentle. There are many sayings for boys; ‘boys will be boys’ which usually implies being rough and tumble and ‘that’s just boys’ which usually means if they are play fighting or being rough that that is just how they are. I observe that these sweet young boys are trying to fit into this mould of rough and tough boys that aren’t sensitive, it is very crazy the ideals and beliefs that we pass onto boys.
As men we can feel back to the early impression upon us of the gender stereotypes and expectation to which most of us have responded and the lifestyles we have created around these but deep down we all want nothing more than to feel the love for who we are without being anything for anyone, just as our tender and sensitive selves.
As a little boy, at the age of 4 or 5 people would give me compliment as a girl because I had long hair. At this age our physical body do not give out any clues unless we are wearing certain cloth colours etc… children’s are all equally tender and still very much in their feminity.
‘We each have our own unique way of expression and this is what needs to be fostered and connected to in our children.’ That uniqueness is not gender specific, and needs to be connected to with the individual and not just have a general one size fits all approach. For instance boys should not have to ‘drink concrete to harden up’ but allowed to be the super sensitive beings they naturally are as well.
Cherise I love the way you and your partner have set about raising your child, free of the parental impositions most of us experience – or at least becoming aware of them should they arise. Imagine what a difference that will make when your child starts to weave his way through the world, encountering societal ideals, beliefs and expectations. He just might have a more solid sense of himself.
The picture of the baby accompanying this blog is exquisite… or should I say, the photo’s great but the child is exquisite! Such a look in the eyes – delicate and wise all at once. Now, is it a boy or a girl? In truth it could be either, and in truth it doesn’t matter. What’s important is the preciousness of the child – and how he or she later chooses to express – be honoured, just as Cherise suggests it should.
‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’ This is so beautifully expressed Cherise and an inspiration to new parents everywhere.
“Did I really think that girls had more expression options than boys or was it perhaps a case that both sexes and their expression are quite stereotyped?” A great observation and question to ask. We are often fooled by certain outlooks and think one gender has more freedom in certain areas than the other, but in fact we are all pressed into a mould and asked to conform and accept this as a normal life, whereas our true expression is kept suppressed and not wanted.
It is interesting how we have ideas of wanting a girl or a boy and what beliefs there are driving this need or want. I personally remember wanting girls and I did get them, but later found out that this was as a result of my parents so desperately wanting a boy, and to their disappointment they produced five girls.
I’m a man and spend lots of my time when I’m shopping trying to find bright colours, often ogling the amazing array of colours of the girls racks!
I have two boys and I have learnt so much from them and have had so much be exposed by how I was with boys growing up, what beliefs I held onto about boys and what I thought I could do to them. The things that are said about a baby that is not even born yet, because of their gender, is just crazy… especially when it comes to emulating the mother or father. I love what you have shared about this subject Cherise it is a much needed conversation to start to dispel and let go of the many loveless untrue beliefs and ideals there are imposing on both genders.
This may be silly to say but I am unable to know with a young baby what gender it is unless it is naked. Perhaps the differences, if any, are very small.
Cherise there are so many restrictions placed on both genders, it’s a great conversation to open to encourage everyone to just let kids be themselves, and not to give our power away to however society currently dictates we should mould children.
Cherise it is so true – we are responsible for the gender equality – each mother and father. The kids don’t care about their gender they are who they are and so it is our responsibility to support them in staying who they are as you so beautiful expressed: “As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.”
The world will change completely when we all would understand that the stereotypes we have about how a boy or girl should be raised are false and not in honour of who we naturally are. We will have grown adults, man and woman that are living from their essence instead of from the facades they have been laced with in their up growing and from that will change the world into a more natural place to live.
The word here is not ‘gender’ but deeply respecting where children are at in every moment and offering them the support to come back to appreciation how amazing they truly are.
We need to get honest as to why we want to have a child or children, is it because we have a need to fill our emptiness or is it because we want to give a spirit an opportunity to develop and evolve?
What a great topic to explore. Allowing children to be who they are and honouring their tenderness and preciousness no matter their age is something that has became clear to me once I learned to honour those qualities in myself. I’ve known some gorgeous young boys from birth, and their tenderness is beautiful and fortunately their parents allow them to be so.
Although there are an absolutely unfathomable amount of beliefs in the world, they all have one thing in common and that is, that they suffocate the life out of life.
The differances in the treatment of the two genders from the moment the sex is know can be seen in very subtle and not subtle ways – is it possible that it is these conditions we raise our children with that lead to many of the issues society faces?
As parents, it should be no different raising a boy or a girl in the sense that we are there to offer support, to hold them in love, always, and inspire them to be the gorgeous bundles of joy and light that they are by reflection, in the way that we choose to live, honouring our selves.
‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us’ … thank you, Cherise, for sharing this so beautifully. As you say, from this place, true gender equality will be met and felt by all.
Yes, Cherise, the exquisite delicateness is present in every baby regardless of gender, because every one of them is heaven sent.
I cannot go past that photo! It is so super gorgeous. Just looking at this boy makes me melt. All of us, not just the parents of boys and girls have a responsibility to ensure that children are raised to love themselves and to maintain their exquisite tender and precious nature as they grow up.
I love the point about there being no difference to raising a boy than raising a girl. Makes sense. If we treat them equally and harness their sensitivities and amazingness, they will find their own avenues in which to express themselves as opposed to us imposing stereotype roles on to them like trucks for boys and Barbies for girls.
There lies a great responsibility in raising a boy, just as there lies a great responsibility in raising a girl. Thankfully though, as I am learning as a parent, it takes a whole community that cares deeply, to raise our children, as it is about reflecting the many qualities that we all have. Each of us reflects something different to another, a divine quality that is unique in our expression of it – this is what is needed all around as we all grow and evolve.
Reflecting on this blog I am wondering about our own need to know what gender a baby is when it is born or for the parents expecting the child the need to know before it is born – this need shows already that we do not know how to be with a baby just as they are but how we allow the ingrained gender beliefs to dictate our every movement with the child. Very exposing.
Its superb that there is another truer way to bring up our children that is being presented here. I for one grew up believing that boys played rugby and played this game well into my twenties. Knowing what I know now I would never put my body through that sort of abuse and pursuit more gentle a pass time.
What I find stands most in our way is the belief that we have to be formed into something to be fit for this world, that lets us not even consider that it is possible to walk through life in all our tenderness, cuteness and care.
It is absolutely gorgeous to not go with our reactions and see them as truth, but to question them and look why we react to a certain thing that is happening. In this way we can live in any situation in life not in total reaction but observation and action from that observation.
Cherise this is very cool that you are aware of the responsibility to raise children without the stereotypes. I have a 5 month old girl, and one thing I never felt to do was go for all the frills and pink things. She has been wearing quiet neutral clothing since birth, and often people will have to ask if she is a boy or a girl, so I have learnt to not react at all to this. Of course I know the most important thing for her is to have role models of true women – not because of the clothes they wear, but because of the feminine quality they have, and the connection they have to themselves as females. I am a key role model for her and I am enjoying deepening this each day.
Cherise thank you for sharing your experience, it’s so interesting to see all the ways in which we as a society set up gender unequally. But what really comes through to me is that this is not really where we need to focus to address the issue, rather to raise each child to be all that they are – in that I mean not get in the way of the bundle of love that comes into this world for another life of evolution.
It is incredible the imposition that occurs so quickly around this subject matter. I look forward to a time in the future when it is not even an issue. Until that day articles like yours Cherise will start to lift the lid on the subtle and not so subtle impositions we place on our children.
Gender inequality is still a very strong consciousness in this world, and we see extreme examples of this in some countries where girls are even killed at birth because they are considered to be a liability, or they are maimed and put on the streets to beg, or they are forced to become sex slaves. Yet in our society, though it’s not so obvious perhaps, the same insidious conscious prevails which imprisons our children with an ideal of who they should be as a boy or a girl and this dictates their every move so they are in fact slaves or puppets and not able to freely express from their essence which is equal though delightfully unique in all of us.
A baby is born with a unique expression, regardless of the gender, it is then for us to appreciate this and let them be.
As a society we are so ingrained in dictating and expecting a boy or girl to behave in a certain way, it’s not so clear cut with many various sexual preferences we cannot impose a specific gender, it’s for the child to claim their essence and expression however that may be.
Cherise, the responsibility of ‘raising’ a child is huge and it means that we don’t impose rules or expectations on the child but offer loving guidance with gentle firmness which allows them to be themselves. By holding them in love children can feel free to express without fear of judgment and they can unfold their potential without being hampered by our beliefs or ideals.
I love seeing men dressed in colours that break the stereotypes – pink, purple, lilac, yellow or orange business shirts or even suits. When men wear these colours with a confidence of who they are and that the colour they choose is but an expression for them, you can feel it. It’s very refreshing amongst the sea of standard colours deemed acceptable for men to wear. Thankfully this is changing and many more men are allowing themselves to express more through the colours they wear.
Thank you Cherise for sharing on such an important topic. When children are brought up with a celebration and a knowingness of their divinity, then we start to see the gap of gender inequality narrow as in our true essence we are all equal.
I am my mom’s first child and at some point in my life I realized that she wanted a girl. I also feel that it was not really a planned pregnancy. So when I was born (a boy) she did not know what to do with me. With support from Simple Living Global I am dealing with these hurts and I understand that we all get what we need in life to work on our karma.
It is wonderful to see the concept of gender inequality being addressed. I wanted to have a real relationship with a women but it was difficult because I felt they were different than me and I did know how to be with them. This concept is what has created all the separation in the world.
I understand now that all I need to do is be myself. No more performing to get what I think I need. Just let go and feel the fact that deep down we are all the same.
I have recently been reflecting on the many ideals, beliefs and expectations that shape and limit the expressions of men and women in society. Of course when we see these against where we all started in this life, the “equally sensitive, delicate and beautiful” nature of babies, the absurdity of it all is seen for what it is.
It is absolutely absurd that we stereo type others based on gender, race, culture, skin colour, job, wealth, social class, living area or anything else for that matter. We are then boxing each other and fighting labels and judgements to each box to try and identify each other when in truth we don’t need any of this to know who we are we just need to be ourselves!
Thank you Cherise for bringing this conversation to light, as gender equality is a matter that we are all affected by, whether we want to admit it or not. It is so true that ‘when we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful…’ So what happens to us, as in essence we remain unchanged? For when we allow ourselves and our children to be defined by an ideal or belief we are actually diminishing ourselves, existing instead as an unreal fragment of who we are, and as such we forgo embodying and living the true qualities of our essence, and all that our unique expression offers to the world through our current incarnation.
It’s true that men are not honoured for how innately sensitive they are from day 1 and it is the core thing that upsets them. The problem is we haven’t made it normal to talk about hurts and instead have made a whole cover up and way of being that allows us not to check our feelings.
Firstly I really felt how not reacting but understanding and accepting the so-called norms allows us to become more steady and empowered in carrying out what we feel and know to be true. Secondly if a child can be brought up in this way then what a strong foundation they too will have for themselves.
‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. ‘ This is the greatest gift we can bring our children.
What a corker of a last paragraph Cherise, every child deserves to be parented in this way: “As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us. … From this foundation a boy or girl, man or woman can express themselves and their gender to reflect the gorgeousness, preciousness and tenderness of who they simply are”
The blue for boys and pink for girls and all that comes with that is very limiting for children. I remember preferring to play with Action Man when at a male friends house rather than barbie because at least he got to go out and explore and have adventures. Not saying Barbie doesn’t but even as kids we can and do feel those restrictions, but often our voice when younger is dismissed. When we get older those colour coded lines start to blur but really the effect on us is in place, as our play becomes inline with the earlier stereotypes or against them. It’s awesome to hear how your approaching parenting Cherise in understanding that each child is their own person with their own expression and voice.
Having children with this level of openness and awareness is gorgeous Cherise. As I was reading your blog I was aware of just how much we restrict our little ones before they even have a chance to share their essence with us. These little ones come into the world with every possibility available to them for their ongoing expansion yet we slap a definition on them straight away via their gender and cut that opening in half. It is wonderful that you are exposing our narrow beliefs and ideal around gender and initiating some general inquiry that may mean some will from now on approach it differently.
Boy oh Boy 😉 you’re going to be great parents
When I look at the picture of that divine and precious little boy, all I can feel is his reflection. He is pure love, equality, divinity, preciousness, tenderness, delicateness…..so wise and so innocent. Feeling this in him reminds me this is me too. We have so much to learn from our children, and so it is so important for us to be open, humble and willing to learn from them.
This is a great read for all of us and particularly young Parents ! I could not understand why boys had to be toughened up for their role in society , and girls to be more quiet and subservient, when this is not our natural way of being at all. Each of us have our own natural way of being and expressing in the world. Thank you Cherise and congratulations!
Great call Cherise…. to parent our children and not allow them to just grow up themselves. It really is all about connection and appreciation… and responsibility.
We need to break this generational pattern of imposing all these ideals and beliefs on our children… it has been this way for too many centuries to our detriment!
Absolutely gorgeous photo Cherise… he is so present and loving – imagine holding those qualities for an entire life-time!
Boys are raised to be ‘tough,’ ‘rough’ and ‘tumble’; if they are hurt, they’re told to drink a cup of concrete and harden up and, quite frankly, to not be too sensitive. The number of times I have heard someone say to a little boy crying, your fine, your tough, come on, brush yourself off you’ll be right, which does not allow them to feel and go with what they are feeling and not cover it up or be afraid to share how they feel and express it. Instead they will learn to toughen up and not trust their feelings, as they will feel they won’t be heard.
Like so many things in life, babies are raised with an image of what they should look like/do. This is illusion.
I love your honesty, Cherise. I was very aware of what I was expecting or even hoping for with the birth of our son. I did think it would be amazing to have a son, and as such I fully prepared myself for a daughter. So I was very surprised in the end to see a little boy arrive. But that’s just the beginning – a life ahead for him now of what toys you ‘should’ play with, clothes and colours he ‘should’ wear. As parents, we’ve been aware of the pink/blue divide and have done our best to mix things up, whether it’s him having pink plates and a drinking cup and a doll, or a tractor toy and blue shoes. The fact that one has the awareness of the fact that society expects us to fall in line as a stereotypical boys or girls – and not choosing that – will help our children to grow up in a different way.
I remember reading a blog your wrote when you found out your were pregnant so it is beautifull to hear more as your pregnancy unfolds. I feel what you have shared here is very honest because I have sensed this a lot of time with women who are pregnant that on some level there is a hoping it will be a girl. It is great when you found out your baby’s gender you caught the shock you felt and did not override this as this allows you to then feel and heal ill beliefs that you have taken on and also deepen the relationship you have with your baby. I have never heard of this before … must be an Australian thing! ‘if they are hurt, they’re told to drink a cup of concrete and harden up’
Someone close to me is also raising their child contrary to these stereotypical choices and as more people become aware of this so more and more will do the same. The most interesting part will be the choices of those raised outside of the stereotypes and the changes in ways of living from them. True change.
I love this Cherise. There is a stark difference between raising your children to ‘fit society’ and supporting their learning and discovery of how to be themselves in society. The more kids raised in the latter way, the less tension we will see in the future, less abuse, less corruption and so forth, as there will be less ‘fight’ to live a certain way that isn’t natural.
Thank you Cherise and your blog makes me realize that we have established a massive pre-packaged world that boys and girls have to automatically conform to that denies right from the start our true qualities and expression. What if we allowed our babies to arrive in a neutral environment where we allow us and them to respond to their individual qualities as beings first and gender second. I love how you are choosing to raise you children with this approach, allowing them to find their own expression and cherish it, without restricting them with these narrow views on what boys and girls should do and should be.
Raising our boys in the way you have described Cherise is what this world dearly needs. Whilst reading this it occurred to me that we grow up without questioning these stereotypes and just accept, but I would say that we do clock the restrictions on both boys and girls but keep quiet and just go along with it.
What if the both sexes are incredible sensitive. As the world – yet – hasn’t reflected this back to us, we’ve almost all chosen to give up on the Graceful, Divine and Powerful being that we feel when we allow the sensitivity to be there. Boys or girls, they just L O V E expressing their innate sensitivity and all the wonders that stem from here.
I got lots of baby clothes given to me when I had my first child. The clothes were blue and I had no problem dressing my daughter in them, however I do remember getting lots of comments about it. We get socialised by our gender very early on. It is bizarre that we box ourselves in like this.
It is amazing how many ideals and beliefs we carry that we are unaware of. In this lack of awareness it becomes easy to impose these onto our children and they then start to carry these beliefs too. It is great you were able to catch what may at the time seem of little significance but can manifest itself in all sorts of ways that can show up later in a child’s life.
Beautiful Cherise. As the mother of a young boy this gender stereotype is something that I come across often, in clothes shops the boys and girls sections are so different, the boys clothes – more so as they get older are very limited in colours and pictures they have on them, after the age of 5 it is hard to find anything with colours other than black, brown and blue and to find any pictures that look cute or sweet – it seems to be all superheroes or things with really quite scary. My son loves the clothes in the girls section – he loves the sequins and sparkles and choice of bright colours, it seems so crazy to limit boys and girls to stereotypes – limiting their natural expression. It is also the same in toy shops, there are sections for boys and girls toys and very few toys for both genders.
“The responsibility of raising a boy is huge, but it’s also very simple in truth and no different to raising a girl.” So true Cherise. We are all people and everyone starts out as tender loving beings. It is society that imposes and so many of us buy into those ideals and beliefs. Time to change.
I agree that when we are babies we are no different – boys or girls, we are just as sensitive and delicate and precious. Then somewhere along the line we decide as a society that there has to be a difference and so we begin to separate the sexes into gender stereotypes by treating boys and girls differently based on our pictures of what they should be. Why do we do this when in essence we are all the same? Would it perhaps save lot of hassle and gender warfare later in life if we continued to honour the fact that we are in essence of the same quality regardless of gender?
“The responsibility of raising a boy is huge, but it’s also very simple in truth and no different to raising a girl.” This is true, Cherise if we can raise equally both our boys and girls to be themselves, sensitive, caring human beings who have their own unique expression then we are doing very well.
‘As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us.’ – should be a sign on the wall of every pediatricians waiting room!
‘When we are born, we are equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful – have you ever seen a baby that wasn’t?’ – Beautiful Cherise. When we are born we come with ALL that we are, sadly we quickly learn to cover up our true qualities and adjust to our surroundings.
It is true. The moment parents to be learn about the gender of the incoming baby, all these images assault them. Suddenly, the way is clear. And the baby is not even born! And he/she did not have a say! All he/she has to do is to follow what is already laid out and everything is going to be fine. The pressure for babies start when they are on the way.
Sure Eduardo, there is an enormous pressure on each and everyone of us forcing us to become something we are not and as you say, that starts already before we are born and can continue to the end of our lives.
Well said Cherise and awesome for nominating how much we impose upon our children the way we think they should be. It is like we prepare boys to be tough and hard as a way of coping with the world – yet all it does is shut the world out. I used to think it was the only way and protection and avoidance was a way to get through life but far from it. The only true settlement and contentment I have felt within my body has been by actually living the love that I am and deeply honouring and appreciating my sensitivity – which is far from a weakness but actually a great strength we all carry just do not always choose to use.
I have two children, a boy and a girl, I have been parenting them as equals, they have their own qualities that they have brought to this life but they are absolutely equal. They have much more in common than they do different, as in they live with love, they are sensitive, caring, wise, aware, sweet, gentle, playful, understanding, joyful, they want to connect with others…They have been born with a different gender and that has its own expression but with that we can still bring the up different. My son, is deeply tender, sensitive and aware and at 5 years old says he does not want to get involved with the ‘rough play’ as it is called in school, this is causing him to have less friends, but his choice is he wants to care for his body and does not feel it is normal to bash it up. He has said to me “Mummy, children sometimes get more hard as they get older …” An amazing observation and true of both genders, a protection and hardness does become more common in both genders. but boys a pushed more to be so, not care, be rough, have no sensitivity, why are we attempting to rob our boys of what will offer them a true, full and aware life. Sensitivity is powerful, not a weakness.
Your child has made a beautiful choice to be raised by parents who will nurture and love him for who he is and not for his achievements and what he may do. And I notice that many grown men enjoy wearing pink shirts from choice.
Interesting when unconscious bias becomes conscious. Many will relate to the feelings you share when the gender of an unborn child is revealed. Could it be that we all carry a preference over one gender or another. And when a child is born what happens then? We offer much more to children when we connect to their true inner qualities and not simply see them as boy or girl.
It’s fascinating to see I agree Cherise, just how quick we are to lump children in to a collective pool of attitudes and behaviours. What if we stopped and considered that all this stuff is not true or who they are? Well then we would be aksed to consider that the same blanket attitudes also affected us. And if we are not the ‘provider’ or ‘good house wife’ then who are we actually underneath? What a blessing children can be if we stop and appreciate the true quality that they bring.
Thank you Cherise Holt for sharing on a topic that is riddled with gender bias and interestingly enough can be ingrained into the beliefs systems of children at a very young age. Having worked with children in a daycare facility in the early years I often heard children make comments on how others were dressed that didn’t suit their gender type. It is interesting to see how as a society we view parenting as something you do in encouraging your child to be raised in the beliefs that you have but what if those beliefs may not be true to all?
Thanks Cherise, this is a beautifully insightful look into what truly underlies gender equality. Simply choosing to dress our babies in a broader range of colors, in fact any color, is not it. But raising them to know who they are from their essence, and hence to know that all others are exactly the same regardless of gender, race, religion or beliefs… is what supports true equality.
Brilliant blog Cherise and the photograph of your baby is gorgeous. When you look at the photo it confirms what you’ve shared, that all babies are born equally delicate, sensitive and beautiful. The depth of wisdom and love in his eyes and face is mesmerising. Absolutely gorgeous.
Hello Cherise, this is beautiful what you have shared and it also does expose that there is such a stereotyping that happens in our society but also that there is such a conditioning of what we are supposed to want or not want with regards to boys and girls, but also the fact that we don’t allow people (boys and girls and men and women) to simply just be who they are.
From before we have children there are ideas and steriotypes around the genders, how they are to be raised and we form our own ideas of which we would prefer, rather than simply loving a child for themselves.
I too have heard many times people say raising boys is simpler with an explanation that boys are more straight forward, they fight and it is forgotten whereas girls are manipulative and fight through meanness and cunning. Both these stereotypes are indictments of how society doesn’t foster the natural expression of us all. Pigeon holing a person according to gender requires less connection with oneself and the person. The person isn’t seen for who they are but related to as certain role then they are likely to act this role because this is better than being invisible.
I have always been fascinated by history, and something evident even today, is the preference of a male child over a female child, to the point where even now when I see someone with all boys or a boy as their first child, there is a part of me that registers that in days gone by the mother would have been seen to have done her duty in producing and heir – but even how gender selective abortions and infanticide is still very common in some parts of the world. Our gender based ideals and beliefs are certainly not a thing of the past.
Beautiful Cherise. Even with the parents’ bestest intention, we are often brought up according to an image held by the society’s ideals and beliefs and it’s like we get trained to allow life to erode our connection and expression of our true essence and call that ‘growing up’. When we look around we are seeing more behaviour and attitude that make us wonder where they might have come from, and we see many that are just unable to cope with the tension that life brings – it’s quite obvious the way we have been preparing our next generation is not working.
It is gorgeous that in considering the inequality present in societal ideals and beliefs, you are committed to not subscribing to them and the harm they perpetuate in the world…. and in doing so will allow your child to be all they are, living their natural expression unimpeded by the pictures, expectations and stereotypes usually imposed on them growing up.
Yes it is great to bring awareness to how we can enforce our beliefs and ideals onto children. To encourage them to express in a way that is true for them.
What you share is beautiful and so true, Cherise. I have watched my boys battle with society’s impositions – checking with me over & over that ‘all colours are for all people’, that they are allowed to like pink and purple. What is sad is that they realise from a very young age that they are only safe to try out skirts or hair clips, or pink t-shirts at home, where there is no judgement or ridicule.
I too imagined myself having a daughter, and have been blown away by the gentleness and sensitivity of our 3 sons (even if 2 of them are careful not to show this side of themselves to the world).
A boy is born knowing how to be a boy, he doesn’t need to be taught how to be something he already is. The stereotypes of boys and girls are behaviours society teaches which take us away from the truth of our genders, and the equality between them. Instead of changing the beautiful nature of our children, if as parents we can support them and nurture what is the most natural of them, reflecting to them what is the most natural within ourselves in the world.
Well said, Adele – to nurture what is most natural in them is a failsafe way to parent a child so that they know who they are and what they love in life.
An article that shares around true parenting! Children are to be cherished to their bones for the unique qualities they bring. And what I’ve found in my life, it is the most natural and loving way to do. They love to learn and they are communicating constantly how they are and what they want to learn, need support for etc. It’s an absolute blessing to raise my child to the best of my ability to hold the grandness that is inside.
We all are responsible for the gender stereotypes that exist. It is our complacency to all, not fully honouring our own knowing. It is beautiful that your boy gets the opportunity to be raised in a way that isn’t this stereotype, but just allowing him to grow into the man he truly is. That is what true parenting is all about, allowing our children to be who they are.
We impose so many ideals and beliefs on our children that we give them no space to be themselves.
So true Fiona, space to be themselves is all children need, but there is so much expectation for them to behave or be a certain way which can crush their natural expression.
Yes and not only in the family home, but in school and peers etc – quite a difficult journey for any sensitive gentle being.
So important to debunk these ill beliefs that boys and girls are so very different, the former the tough one that won’t cry, the latter one the weaker sex that is given a cuddle to feel better but not in the holding and celebration of the preciousness and fragility she is.
This preciousness is in men and women equally and to rob this of ourselves and hence of our young, is a tragic crime.
This is such a divine photo reflecting the true preciousness you speak of Cherise. Babies allow us to clearly feel where we are from. It is true that as we grow we can be conditioned by so many created ideals and beliefs, which are not true. Bringing the awareness you do as parents, and nurturing the essence and natural expression of the being is our truest responsibility.
It is very beautiful that you are raising a boy knowing that he is equally tender as a girl and that there are no pictures to adhere to. A true blessing to the world.
Its an interesting one gender equality, for me, men and woman are a conundrum, we are so different in our values and equalities but equal in sensitivity and essence.
I have 5 children, 2 girls and 3 boys. When my boys were young they often choose pink when picking things they liked, like scooters and bikes, I allowed this as if their were no color rules, I mean really, having color rules is going to seem so sexist and primitive when we look back on history one day. Many people warned me that they would get teased and that it wouldn’t be fair on them, these people were all adults. Needless to say, kids didn’t actually tease them, for they were all too young, none of them new what colors they were suppose to like and not suppose to like yet, its funny how imposing we are when you look at it.
So true Sarah, I have two boys and they never fluttered an eyelid about colours or toys or sport, kissing or cuddling or anything until adults in their lives started saying things that made it seem not okay. And when kids start to tease it is usually because they have been told from others that something they are choosing is not ‘gender correct’ for them. There is then so much holding back and we all miss out on each persons unique expression. I remember when one my sons was told that it’s not okay for girls and boys to play together, he was devastated, and couldn’t understand what was the problem. Of course it is not a problem but a whole lot of beliefs and ideals that keep us separated from each other.
I can remember too, having no discrimination of colour and choosing baby pinks and blues without hesitation. Only when told that that’s what females wear rather than males did I make my switch and prefer darker blue, black and white colours.
Interesting that you remember this Michael, Children naturally choose colours for what feels right for them for the day, but we put a halt to this by telling them that boys and girls should wear certain colours. Time to wear those pink shirts again.
It is so true that we each have our own unique form of expression, and that this should be nurtured for what it is, the gentleness and tenderness we can show as boys should never be stereotypically taken from us, but also boys can be naturally boisterous and need to tear around like lunatics when needed. Raising our children to be who the truly are is our responsibility as parents and in doing so we are making for a brighter future for all.
A beautiful claiming of gender equality Cherise and a great confirmation of our innate preciousness, regardless of our sex. To let ourselves think for a second that the male and female expression were not equal in any way would be like trying to breath in quicker than we can breathe out. You try this for even a minute and you soon see the great imbalance that this causes. This gives us a clue as to why we are so out of whack as a global society. Much to ponder on here.
I had a baby girl and I avoided all the frills and pink so everyone just assumed she was a boy. Then if I think about it, why would we treat one differently than another, they are both beautiful babies no matter what their gender is. Perhaps if we treated them with the same tender care when they are young, they would be able to know that as they grow up rather than feel so different to girls because of what is imposed on them to be this or that way, be strong, don’t cry etc.
When you look at children’s clothing and toys there is still much stereotyping that goes on. There is so much communicated to young children and imposed on them with off the cuff comments from relatives and strangers to advertising that give kids certain pictures on how they need to be. When they are fully supported, loved and free to express themselves at home this provides a strong foundation for knowing themselves first.
Wow Cherise – this is one of the most beautiful pieces on gender equality I have ever read. When connecting to a baby it is impossible to deny that we are all deeply sensitive and amazing.
What I saw so clearly from your writing Cherise, is that if you raise a child in equality – regardless of sex or age – then so many issues drop away. I know it may sound obvious but I really got it. As you raise your son as a equal, he does not need to get ahead of anyone, be better than anyone,or less than anyone, think women are less or that he is younger than most, that he is less. What an incredible gift to the world if all families raised their children in this knowledge.
It is only through true gender equality will we see a return to brotherhood here on earth.
I agree, simply but eloquently said Donna. Equality and brotherhood go hand in hand.
Hear hear – truth spoken.
Well said – how important it is to recognise that we are each divine, tender and exquisite beings with a natural essence that is equal in every respect. The roles we adopt and impose on others and the beliefs and ideals that abound in society, are strong deviations from this truth and steer us well away from the expression of our otherwise lived truth.
To be honored from birth for who we are in our essence will bring an evolution to humanity that we are long over due. Stereotyping into gender roles is limiting at best, squashing our own expression and truth, there is no wonder why people are very checked-out, withdrawn and use behaviors that hurt either self or others directly or indirectly with-out seemingly much care or consequence. Is it because the behaviors aren’t actually us- is it all part of the detachment to our essence?
I think you named it Sandra – “Is it because the behaviours aren’t actually us- is it all part of the detachment to our essence?” Only when we are not connected to who we truly are can we start behaving in ways that is so detrimental to our entire well-being and in that to humanity too.
Taking an active role in raising your children is super important. With the world becoming busier and busier a lot more things are ‘falling through the cracks’ and raising children is one of them. From what I see more and more they are being left to their own devices and in a world that doesn’t support them to be true this is of concern. If we don’t hold true to how we feel to raise our children or see the true value in raising our children then they grow up dictated to by the world outside. It’s great to see more articles around raising children and for us all to see how this supports everyone. For me the word parenting isn’t a true word in the way it’s used and we are standing behind something by using it like we do. Even in this part, “As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us” It would sit true for me to have the word people and not parents. We think we are something when the word parents is used, it brings us into a role and doesn’t just allow us to see what is being said or what is going on.
I agree with you Ray; the word parent is just one of those hats we put on when required. As a manager or boss do we not guide new staff to become all they can regardless of faith, colour or gender? Why should our children be different?
What a great blog topic Cherise. How easy it is to stereotype children into the ‘categories’ that are accepted as normal and this is the beginning of the separation from their absolute knowingness of who they are in truth.
“As parents, it is our responsibility to raise our boys and girls to know their equality, not from their talents or what they do well at in life but first and foremost from the absolute knowingness that who they are is amazingly beautiful and equal to all of us”.
Cherise, your article made me consider my own feelings around raising a boy or a girl. I actually have felt a strong concern around raising a boy in regards to the images of how boys should be and the pressures put on them to be rough and tough. But I suppose if we look at it, there are then the images of how girls should be too, and all these ridiculous ideas about colours that each gender suits. It is such nonsense but really also quite imprisoning when I think about it, that we have a desire to box children so tightly into made up ideals. As you share at the end, the less we impose ideals on a child the more they can just grow up accepting themselves as they are.
Lots of considerations around gender have come up for me too. Thinking about my job as a teacher and the things that I and others attach to what girls are like and what boys are like. But the truth is that often each gender has been like that because of the imposed stereotypes.
When we look at a baby all we see is them. We don’t see them for what they do or even the whatever gender they are. We just see them for their absolute sweetness and delicateness. Everyone does this. Look at a man with a baby and that say it all. So baby’s even bring that out in all of us. But you are correct Cherise that something happens along the way that alters this. These are very heavy consciousnesses to see our way through, but even more important that our children don’t feel that they have to fit into or mould themselves into whatever the predominant patterns are. How inspiring they will be in the future as they grow and mature and be with others if they then choose to live in this way. Totally gorgeous photo to!
This is indeed a heavy consciousness filled with expectations. Really when we say we want a girl or a boy before we know what we have, we are already giving a child roles to fill before they enter this world – and these roles are there to completely meet the parents needs and are not in anyway to support the child. Then we also have the situation of when the child ends up being the opposite sec to what a parent wants and all that brings.
Beautiful article. I have found it interesting observing boys at a young age. Often there is a natural pull towards cars, trucks, diggers etc. But there comes a point where there is no choice, or very little choice. The t-shirt options are skulls and cross bones or super heroes. There is nothing else to choose from. Whilst much of gender based things seem to be led by the gender, society can dictate and leave no choice.
When I was pregnant, I wanted a girl because of a similar reason to your, boys are so stereotyped to be rough and tough and I didn’t want that in my life. I realise now that I didn’t have to raise a boy to be tough and hard at all, and although my child did turn out to be a girl, I welcome the opportunity to have a male puppy join our family so I can experience ‘raising’ a boy puppy!
I can so relate to your sharing here Suzanne, I wanted a girl first to be my first child, even though I did not know until she was born. And it was for the same reason. And like you, when my son was born, (and I did not know I was having a son) all my preconceived ideas went out the window and I discovered such a gentle loving being.
So cute Suzanne.
Suzanne, can you tell us how you are doing with the male puppy? Is there a difference?
Well said Cherise and what a delight it will be to discover and observe the true expression of your son without any preconceived ideas.
Young girls and young boys are both equally as delicate and sensitive – it is only by their environment that they start to change in the way they are treated, what is expected of them and the roles they are asked to take.
So true Sandra, we expect our children to climb into a suit of behaviour as they grow up, a suit fashioned on what we want out of them in the false belief that it will bring out the best of them. It is so uplifting to know that there are some parents out there who are choosing to not want anything from their children, but who are instead allowing them to remain in touch with their sensitivity and tenderness as core values to be honoured at all times.
This is so evident when I relief teach in kindy or preprimary classes. I often watch how the kids play and interact and both genders display the same considerations, sensitivities and tenderness.
I am still learning to parent myself in a way that nurtures my every aspect. As a father figure I have a lot to share and also a lot to learn.
What a beautiful way to express equality Greg, that we all have a lot to share and also to learn.
How amazing for a child to be born into a family where such awareness of stereotypes can be eliminated, where the child is encouraged to appreciate themselves for who they are intrinsically and not for anything they do or for what gender they are.
Yes and doesn’t it sound really strange to value a child for the gender it is?
Yes! And how insightful Cherise has been with her self reflection, her will and her self questioning. What beautiful commitment to read about and feel.
It is truly beautiful Carmel it is just so supportive.
Yes I agree, what a great foundation for a child to be met in their essence first that is unaffected whether they are a boy or a girl
When a child is met for who they are their ability to bring joy and playfulness to any adult is truly a gift beyond words.
I agree Carmel, it is a game changer. What a difference it will make to all the people those boys come into contact with when young and when older, and to have that appreciation as part of their everyday living way.
Beautiful point Carmel, the difference in upbringing is so huge – a home where the child doesn’t feel the need to identify themselves through gender and one where that’s all a child is taught – we must carry out scientific research between these two types of upbringing.
Great insight Cherise. The impositions of society are huge and I can understand your reactions. The more people are able to be honest about what we are influenced by the sooner we will see all colour ways in our babies lives.
Yes Vanessa, imagine the society we can have if we bring up our children with these values.
It is so great that people like your self are now raising boys in a way that supports them to stay connected to their sensitive, tender nature as they grow and mature into young men. What a blessing for the next generation of young girls. I would love to marry a man who has been raised this way!!!
It’s very gorgeous – to think there will be children who become adults who have remained with their inner-connection and won’t need to spend a good part of their adult years ‘finding themselves’. These kids will reflect in our schools, our work places, our family structures, friendship groups and much more, the support they were brought up with to truly be who they naturally are and that will inspire many.
So true Johanna, the support we receive as we grow is the support we then naturally provide for our selves and everyone we meet, which can either produce balanced adults who know who they are, what they want to do and how to build loving relationships, or people who still need to spend years discovering who they really are. The former is definitely the preferred outcome and this begins with welcoming, appreciating and meeting the child as Being first, gender second and allowing the child full rein to explore their expression free of the usual gender restraints that we impose on them.
Me too Marty-Louise, I cannot even begin to imagine what a world would look like where men expressed their tenderness and sensitive nature openly, and women lived being true to themselves, both honouring each other for their qualities. Sounds quite beautiful to me.
Me too Mary-Louise! To give any child the space to be who they are with no conditions or expectations of what we or anyone else wants them to be is to deeply honour and truly love them. If all children were brought up in this way there would be such an enormous generational shift that our whole world would change.
Stereotypes and gender inequality start very early in life, as you rightly point out. And it most likely begins with our ideals and beliefs around what children are supposed to bring to and do for us, fulfil what we haven’t managed to fulfil in and for ourselves. What a huge burden and intergenerational imbalance!
Yes agreed Gabriele, we handicap our children before they are even born by our own un-resolved issues and all the things we have failed to manifest within our selves. What a gift it is to be able to take a step out of our own ideals and beliefs and allow our children to grow into who they are regardless of their gender but in full appreciation of it too. If we have a go at doing this, then the real magic begins to appear because we are allowing the old restraints to dissolve and a whole new expression to manifest. Isn’t that what children are all about, new life?
Agreed Rowena – Children are new life, new beginnings in their own rite. Yes we care for them, love them, support them and all the regular parenting activities. But it is their new life; we don’t own them, and controlling and shaping them distorts true expression, and it’s no wonder behaviours get a bit muddled along the way, the tension in kids is so real and has to come out some way.
Yes a huge burden indeed, and one that has been running for centuries and many generations. Time for change and true reflection.
Very true Gabrielle. And these stereotypes tend to go round and round from one generation to another where people are just acting them out without really questioning why. When individuals in one generation start to make change and not be led by the stereotypes, and not be opposite to them from reaction but to connect and live from their heart then we will have another way forward for future generations to consider.
So how can we heal this ‘intergenerational imbalance?’… I believe if we start with ourselves and are prepared to deal honesty with our own hurts and issues, then allow our children to just be themselves, it would go a very long way to alleviating the burden and breaking the chain of imbalance.
This is so true Gabriele. This is an enormous pressure put on children from such a young age which is so unnecessary. I have known little boys to love dressing up in their sisters clothes, simply because they are playing and having fun expressing how they feel. But this can be imediatley judged by our pre conceived ideas about what a little boy should wear or what he should look like. Children will immediatley feel this judgement coming towards them and the knock on effect can be profound. We have such a responsibility to not load such burdens onto our children because we have not dealt with our own gender issues.