My partner and I decided to have a look at our friendship within our relationship. We wanted to look at why we react when something comes up for the other person. In that process we came across a short interview with Annette Baker and Gabrielle Caplice called: How do you have communication without reaction?
In that short 90 second video with Annette and Gabrielle, although the words spoken are very powerful, it is the energy between them, the way they look at each other, and the interest Gabrielle had in what Annette was saying that was far beyond the words.
The unwavering capture of Gabrielle wanting to hear every word that was said by Annette, nodding in such agreement and delight, got us wondering – do we have that delight and appreciation for each other in our relationship?
Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?
The initial conversation between my partner and I was hard to face and it almost felt like a breakup talk – like how can you not be interested in your partner?
We knew though that this wasn’t the answer so we set ourselves on a program for 9 days to find out – to be interested in each other, to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.
Those 9 days were at times confronting when we realised that a lot of the time we were indeed just in it for ourselves, trying to make the other person see our way, or totally fobbing off what they had just said in favour of the way we saw it.
We started to open up more and more, being very interested in each other, supporting each other in whatever was being shared and not bringing our own stuff into it. We are now noticing each other more and offering support in different ways than we usually did. This has brought us so much closer.
I have noticed it is also having a domino effect on other relationships in my life. I can’t help but bring a greater interest to everybody I meet in my day now, and it is changing how others are towards me.
People who would frequently just tell me what to do are now including me in decisions and acknowledging me. All because I became more interested in them and they could feel that – I’m not just there thinking about myself. This has allowed the space for us to connect.
I am totally inspired by Gabrielle and Annette and the love and friendship they have and share with us all. I know my partner and I have this too, and I have been shown that we can actually have this with everyone, just by stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda.
Published with permission of my partner.
By Natalie Misztal, Reception/Administration, Cleaner, Gardener, Melbourne, Australia
Further Reading:
Learning to express our feelings – part 2
Relationship Success Credited to Universal Medicine
Living harmoniously with your partner 24/7
“I have noticed it is also having a domino effect on other relationships in my life.” Learning to truly listen to another you become aware of all they are truly saying.
Finding harmony in a relationship opens up a whole new world and also deepens the appreciation we have for everyone.
Society at the moment deeply lacks appreciation, whether it is for our husband, wife, doctor, road worker, we are often complacent and not understanding of the amazing things each of us bring.
I love this, this is so true, there is so much in the way we speak to someone – if the tone used is loving, open and interested we bring out the best in another.
I think every couple, and even friendships should do this put ourselves on a programme ‘to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.’ I am sure as you have shared although at times it may be confronting and revealing – it also has the opportunity if we allow it to be deeply healing in many ways.
Vicky you are so so so spot one here, what a fabulous way to go!
Life without expectations is a life filled with magic.
When we ignore what is in front of us we miss our on so much, the universe is literary communicating to us all of the time from another, are we wise enough to listen?
Our expression and thus the vibration (everything is vibration) we express in is so much and when we are prepared to listen and feel the vibration of another it comes with such joy and a ready-ness for us to expand our awareness and deepen our love, which then goes out to other relationships, work and family, now that is Magic, thank you Natalie.
“Life gets more Interesting when you are Interested” This i another one of life great lessons that really should be taught in school.
I create so much tension with my partner when I don’t engage fully with him, it drives him crazy, and I know when he does it to me I can feel mad!
Stoping and truly taking the time is the foundation for true love, in the stop we get to feel the truth of one and other and the divinity we are actually from.
This is a great question; ‘Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?’ I have realised lately that I have not been truly interested and open to what is being shared with me and so I have changed this now and allow my body to be open and without judgement and it feels lovely to be interested and to truly want to hear what another is sharing.
Quite often people are talking to us and we are thinking about ourselves or something totally unrelated to what is being discussed and it makes sense that this can be felt by others on a more subtle level. So, actually being attentive brings in such a deeper level of connection, so it stands to reason that our relationships will change.
Or even as they are talking to us we are thinking of the next thing we want to say rather than just fully listening to what they are saying.
So true. It is those things, even subconsciously, we think we can get away with. For example … If it looks likes I am listening and I nod my head at the ‘right’ times I can get away with thinking about other things when that person is talking to me! ? How many of us do this or have done this at least one time in their life! In all our relationships we need to be so honest in how we are in every moment, even just to ourselves, to enable them to deepen (that is including the relationship with ourselves).
‘Do we have that delight and appreciation for each other in our relationships?’ Such a great question and one to apply to all our relationships, equally. Do we see others and judge them for all that they could be living but are choosing not to, or just see it all, see beyond the layers and accept and appreciate them and all that they are, in all their magnificence?
‘The unwavering capture of Gabrielle wanting to hear every word that was said by Annette, nodding in such agreement and delight…’ Yikes! what is it that I ignore another, assuming I know it all and what they will say. Such arrogance and ignorance being this way that also cements isolation and disconnection like nothing else, getting me craving connection through watching TV or numbing out with food because I miss the magic I’m shutting out.
It’s true that often people get caught up in telling and retelling their story – growing up I switched off when people repeated the same story, spoke or shouted at me. It’s like we’ve lost the art of listening so we just talk at each other in the hope of being heard or hearing ourselves. I wonder how the magic will be felt when I stop, just be and really listen.
During the day I have to do a lot of phone meetings for my work, I find that when I am present and interested the meetings flow and there is a connection between me and my client that goes beyond the mundane.
Before we can be truly interested in another, we first must have a foundation in self love, for without this we will always be looking for another to fill a need.
This is very true, and a great place to start, building a foundation of love for ourselves.
How important is it to trust and give decency and respect to everyone when they are able to share with you and when you are open and loving this gives them the space to also re-connect to Love.
As my relationship with my partner has deepened, so has our levels of intimacy, naturally which are now to the point where whenever there is a lack of interest in each other it is alarm bells for something going on moments before we have not called out or realised and let go of.
I’ve been giving online dating a try and it has been bringing up my lack of interest for people. But that’s not because I am truly disinterested in people but I feel it’s coming from a judgement that “I don’t see the point”. Interacting from a judgement rather than how I feel to be with another person.
Many years ago on occasions, I have been known to fall asleep when my husband was talking to me and although we have joked about it it just goes to show how we can switch off from people and get disinterested in what they choose to talk about (in my defence he was talking about wiring some electrics at work). Now we do try to make the effort to actually listen to each other.
The domino effect of how we are with one person can flow into how we relate to everyone else.
Its lovely to take these moments in a relationship and be curious about each other again. When we do this it helps us drop the pictures and ideals we might have of the other.
Thank you Natalie for an inspiring read. Recently I have had the opportunity to observe a variety of home-care staff visiting a partially incapacitated elderly lady on a daily basis – the different outcomes of these interactions is very noticeable. Those who arrive without any agenda and are open, honest and interactive with their client, leaves the client feeling engaged as if she matters and still has something to offer in life from this warm inclusion. When a care staff member comes in loaded with the energy of rushing about and dragging their personal problems with them, there is no real interaction – the client retreats and literally shrinks into contraction. Within a few minutes of their departure, the lady feels totally exhausted and diminished rather than uplifted for their visit.
If we really paused to feel how we are with another really has a huge effect, causing ripples that never stop, perhaps we would reconsider putting circumstance as bigger than who we are.
You have to be head over heels in love with yourself before you can truly be head over heels in love and adoration of another. Otherwise the relationship is based on the need of filling a lack within.
Asking ourselves the question and being really honest in our response, how much do we really listen to each other and/or how much are we just waiting for the next gap to have our say? The mad thing is that although I have done very little true listening, when I do there is such a joy and pleasure in it. All the time I thought it was about having to get my word in, when actually the richness of hearing others is very beautiful.
This is truly beautiful. Thank you.
“In that short 90 second video with Annette and Gabrielle, although the words spoken are very powerful, it is the energy between them, the way they look at each other, and the interest Gabrielle had in what Annette was saying that was far beyond the words.” A powerful testimony to the fact that true wisdom can only be shared and communicated from a body that is living it itself.
Its so easy to check out – we have so much entertainment around us, we are constantly bombarded with stuff that really does us no good yet we continue to stay attached. Its like we avoid truly connecting and seeing the universe in another’s eyes.
One of the best ways to do this is to pay attention to how quickly you want to jump in and talk rather than listen to what the other person is sharing…
It is so simple isn’t it? Listen to each other, care and hear. Yet we need to bring a focus to it ourselves because I suspect we have forgotten this art of listening and now find it is much easier to hear what we want to hear and moan about others not hearing us!
The domino effect can be a great thing or our greatest downfall in family or with friends, colleagues etc., especially when we start to accept a lower standard of relationship, conversation or respect and hence the entire quality of a household or business can drop.
Thank you for sharing the power of dropping our agenda in all relationships which I know for me is part of the layers of protection that I have built up to not be hurt by the world but is actually contributing to my feelings of disconnection and thus hurt.
My fear always was that when I didn’t put my things into the conversation the other person wouldn’t be interested in me, but only in his or her own topics and issues. And indeed a lot of people make it about themselves, but so was I with my need to be asked questions.
A beautiful example of when we stop making it all about ourselves, our needs and our agendas and start to acknowledge and honour others and what is going on in their lives, life has a way of opening up in the most surprising ways. And from those ways, without us even trying, the ripples of change begin to flow steadily on out into the world.
I recognize what you share that things simply come your way and change around you without you trying anything just being interested in the other, which can only be true if we are enough interested in ourselves without putting this as a need on another.
Quite simply when we are truly interested in another we can see way beyond the mundane we see their light, we see their uniqueness and their angles of heaven.
Recently I realised how for years and years I brought my own frustration about something that has happened in my day
into our relationship, dumping it on my partner because I was caught up in it. And how this has been going on from time to time without taking responsibility for how I allowed this energy to disrupt the flow of love between us. It felt great to expose this pattern and to feel, in this case my responsibility to deal with my hurt and yes I can ask for a reflection but starting from honouring the love that we share and build.
Thank you, Annelies for writing this as I can relate to what you have written. It is our responsibility to not let these things get in between our relationships as you have rightly stated.
Very honest sharing Doug and for a lot of us this is work in progress and very needed when we want to make our relationship about evolving together, to open up to each other and live in the responsibility of not bringing something in what is not love. An amazing work in forever progress.
Annette and Gabe are beautiful, even in pictures you can see how they live together, how they adore each other is their everyday.
“We started to open up more and more, being very interested in each other, supporting each other in whatever was being shared and not bringing our own stuff into it” – yes, being interested in someone is about listening to a person with our entire body, feeling all of them in the exchange. We are truly interested through and with our body, not via our self-interestedness that happens when we’ve turned down the dial on listening and hearing our own selves. When we do listen and become interested in ourselves through our own body, being interested in another is a natural sense and move.
This article is great because it brings out the fact that it is possible to cherish another person, to completely adore them.
This is a good one to look at, do I have an agenda and if so why? what is unresolved in me that brings me to this?
I love what you have shared, I too have noticed how Gabe and Annette relate, it is so beautiful to see and feel the loving interest they both have in each other, the times I feel most loved is when my husband is genuinely interested and loving with what I am sharing.
Being interested in each other and being able to truly listen to another is very important in every relationship we have and like you said if you go deeper with respect, interest and love in one relationship it has its effect on other relationships you have. And yes I love watching Annette and Gabrielle they are role models for all of us.
Seeing my partner continue to say yes to stepping up and being more in the world is a joy to see – and this naturally keeps the purpose we have very strong. Without our constant willingness to say yes, we can fall into a very stagnant arrangement where we are 2 people who are comfortable.
‘Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us…’ I love this question and can bring this into every conversation I can have in life with people and how it deeply enriches my appreciation for others. I do feel at times the little me inside wanting to be heard over others. I am learning how to not repress what’s going on internally but also, to not let this little me run riot.
Yes, I agree Monica. When we are open and accepting of ourselves it is more natural to be this way with others.
It is important to connect to the person we are talking to and to really listen to what they have to say without judgement, comparison or zoning out. I caught myself not fully listening to someone when they were speaking to me the other day and I realised how awful this was and as we could both feel the disconnection.
Natalie, this feels really important to look at; ‘My partner and I decided to have a look at our friendship within our relationship.’ Reading this I can feel that often in our relationships that we can take the other person for granted and rather than treat each other lovingly like we would a friend, we can be critical, judgmental and sometimes even abusive to our partners.
I know it happens but theres a belief that a partner is more loved than a friend, but without friendship the relationship can be abusive. That in itself doesn’t make sense but at the same time friendships can be abusive if we don’t love each other.
Building relationships and respectfully holding and honouring ourselves brings a quality that we naturally start to offer another. Although it may seem challenging at times, the markers are always there to return to.
This is a huge subject – appreciation for eachother in our relationships. And I am always amazed at how this can disappear when it is not given the time and the space to be there and expressed between myself and another person. Which shows to me constantly how no one is to be taken for granted and how there is always room for deeper and more appreciation.
The title of this blog says it all. The more we are interested in truly understanding what plays out in all aspects of the life the more we can observe and take note that life is all about lessons and the choices to expand and learn or continue to question the patterns we resort to time and time again.
A great one to look at: when we talk to another, are we expressing what they need to hear, or what we need to say? What’s the purpose of our conversation: to elevate and expand, or to keep everyone as they are, confirmed in all of our old patterns and behaviours? We have a choice to reimprint and discard, or perpetuate and cement, with every word we speak and every move that we make.
If we make every conversation an opportunity for greater connection, understanding and love then all our relationships will expand and grow. I noticed this today when I was with people and could feel how wonderful it was to come out of an age old pattern of shutting people out. Instead I listened with great interest – a getting to know someone more with each interaction. It’s great to see my pattern of keeping people out, a protection I no longer need, and actually never needed, growing up. For years I felt excluded when it’s been me excluding myself from the world all along. Wonderful to see this and bring down the barriers.
What a confronting and revealing 9 days that must have been, but I can see from what you have shared it was so well worth the commitment. The deepening of your relationship would have been so very welcome and the fact that now this is rippling out to all your other relationships is so very inspiring.
To be really actively interested in another takes confidence – a presence with oneself that says I know myself and therefore I really want to know you. When we are unsure of ourselves its not so easy to be interested.
That is interesting Samantha, I haven’t thought of that. It makes sense and this is something for me to be aware of, when I am present or not when communicating with someone.
I admire your courage to go there and investigate your relationship and how interested you are in each other. I would imagine this would be confronting for almost all of us, as self-interest reigns pretty high in our priorities! This experiment just shows that there is always deeper to go and more you can learn about your partner. It is only when we stop caring and appreciating that things can stagnate.
It is an interesting exercise to see how present we are when someone is talking to us and if we give them our full attention without wanting to butt in. It seems to highlight how invested in self we are and is a way to expose this.
It is very beautiful to read about two people making that commitment to being openly interested in each other, down to the finest detail. And this is inspiring because it is in the details where the most delicate expressions of a person can be found, and these are pure gold, fantastic to share and to be the recipient of that sharing.
‘The unwavering capture of Gabrielle wanting to hear every word that was said by Annette, nodding in such agreement and delight, got us wondering – do we have that delight and appreciation for each other in our relationship?’ Yes absolutely inspirational and what I also notice that there is no need in both of them to get this attention but a natural genuine interest and love for each other and to add they don’t exclude anyone, I feel we are all included in this love.
I can totally feel the difference when I ask a question and am properly interested in the response, as opposed to perfunctory polite small talk, and there is a depth of relationship on offer in every interaction that is very inspiring and life changing if I can simply stay engaged and present.
Natalie, I love this; ‘we set ourselves on a program for 9 days to find out – to be interested in each other, to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.’ It feels so important to have this reminder of a loving way to be in relationships. I know that I can sometimes get stuck in trying to change the other person and that there is then a lack of connection.
Learning to truly listen to another is one of the most powerful tools for building or for healing relationships. In today’s world it is so obvious that most of us struggle to listen, so involved are we in our own lives, but we are also quick to complain if we feel we are not being listened to. How amazing it would be if children were taught from a very early age the power of listening.
I love how by deepening one relationship it has a knock on affect on other relationships and that means we have the possibility of having true love in all our relationships. It really is up to us and how much commitment and love we are willing to open to.
In the first line you already call to question the depth in which we honor each other in the relationships we hold with our partners, and what true friendship means. Are we living the potential of what is on offer through our relationships? I am loving exploring the value our relationships hold and how they offer us the opportunity to support each other to live the greater truth of who we are, deepen our connection to love, where evolution is a continual inspiration to go deeper and appreciate the more that is on offer.
A combination of beholding and inspiring… safe hands and the call to fulfil our potential… super cool. Thank you, Carola.
Sometimes I can be so sloppy in my relationships, by not giving 100% attention and taking my husband for granted, this is super sad and crazy as when I am on it and giving him my all life feels amazing – we feel amazing – When we truly connect with another we see way beyond whats there in front of us. Through another we see the universe.
I love what you’ve written here Sam. It’s so true that another can reflect the universe when we appreciate them enough to truly listen when they talk. All too often we want to jump into the conversation before the other person has even finished just to hear ourselves speak. It makes sense that a relationship would feel fuller if we were to be there with that person a 100%, regardless of who it is.
I know exactly what you mean by observing Annett and Gabe. When I first clocked that energy between them I totally felt the big gap between my way of listening and paying full attention to my partner and to their way of expressing. It is pure joy to watch them and feel the interest, respect and love that comes from both of them. Since we worked a lot in our relationship on all the values I mentioned before, we experience these moments too. And they feel amazing in the body, as it is a vastness and a feeling of repose listening and tuning in to the rhythm of expression that is the flow either in our conversation between us two or with another. How you can get inspired by only 90 seconds of watching movements of an interview!
I do love the openess of this sharing and what you explore in it. To recognise that there is a lack of intimacy in the relationship and to then bring this you realise that a change needs to come from within to deepen your other relationships.
Learning to listen with full attention to another is a beautiful way to deepen the foundation of our relationships.
This is fascinating isn’t it? When we work on ourselves and our engagement in life and in others and find that without trying others change the way they interact with us. We have so much influence over our outcomes when we engage in life in a communal way, in a way that is about us all rather than about what we can get out of life.
I am familiar with the video you mentioned Natalie with Annette and Gabrielle connecting so deeply with each other. To be honest, when I first viewed it I could feel how it almost seemed like too much or over the top the way they looked at each other. But after pondering on this further, what came up for me was a similar realisation that you had in that I could feel the sadness of not having that same kind of relationship with my partner and a bit of envy to boot! It can be challenging to face the fact that we have made our relationships more about being right or saying our bit to get acceptance and recognition from another instead of holding deep love and appreciation for ourself that will then make it easy to hold another in that same way.
There is nothing more sexy, honouring and loving to be listened to in full by someone.
I love this Nikki and it has shown me something about how I am not always at ease when someone truly listens to me… it is like I cannot accept this level of care and honouring. Cool to spot this and explore what lies behind it and ahead.
The bit that gets me is when other people loose the plot and behave in a way that’s not themselves. I tend to fight back or try to check out. But what you share here Nat inspires me to be interested and observe it all. For what throws people off is just as much a part of life, as that which does not.
I too was feeling the depth of connection with Gabrielle & Annette more so than what was being said even though the words were the basis to the connection – full respect of each other’s way. A commitment to love and truth has been made and they both know this will deepen as often as they honour themselves and each other. That is Love! Absolutely glorious!
“Life gets more Interesting when you are Interested” …. [interested] in yourself and in life where and as we experience we are genuinely really interested in people and find ourselves being interesting as a person to others too! Being interested works in our interest : )
I’ve been finding that every relationship I have is reflecting to me an aspect of the relationship with myself. How interested am I in what my body has to ‘say’? Or do I just ignore it to get my pictures actualised or hurts avoided?
Natalie, I really love this article and the simplicity of what you are sharing, it inspires me to be more interested in my partner and to be aware when I am trying to be ‘right’ and to instead be understanding, loving and interested.
Me too, I have noticed this in recent days so clearly I am reading this blog as confirmation that there is more respect to be offered.
What a great program to have put yourself on, and the impact it had on all of your life is inspiring, ‘we set ourselves on a program for 9 days to find out – to be interested in each other, to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.’
I have also observed the way that Gabrielle looks at Annette. What I love about this is the adoring way that Gabrielle looks at Annette. To bring this aspect into your own relationship Natalie is very beautiful. To truly see another and to be truly seen.
This is something huge for families too; when was the last time we really, truly listened to what our sister, brother, kids or parents had to say not just about their day but about how they’re feeling or what they’ve learnt from their observations and experiences, with true interest? This can and does transform dinnertime conversations, when it’s an open discussion where everyone is given permission to share and be supported to expand, see things they may not have realised and evolve..
I love this blog and am putting myself on a program to be more interested in those I live with, I can feel how much I still live by my protection and will open up based on how I feel they are with me, and if they are not open with me then I personalise it. So after reading this I am going to put the effort into making it about love- as I adore everyone I live with but don’t share this with them enough.
The more I open up to my partner the more I realise I have to be just as open and interested in everyone else. One cannot be without the other, it is a complete illusion to think it can be.
Natalie, this is so simple and powerful, but I can feel how we can just get busy in life and not take the time and care to be interested in other people, so to make this a focus is very beautiful; ‘to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.’
Yes, you can really get the sense that this builds connection between people and so extends out to others and beyond.
We definitely need to be open to seeing and being more in relationships with others and not just settle for a comfortable existence as that way we don’t help each other to evolve, and the nature of love is to constantly deepen.
If our relationships improve when we are interested in each other imagine boredom being a thing of the past if we are engaged and interested in all aspects of life and our relationships with others.
I love what you have shared here Natalie, it has inspired me to put myself on my own program with my relationships.
My husband and I had a counselling session with Gabe and Anette recently which was life changing for us and our relationship, like you say Natalie it is opening up with a greater and more loving interest in your partner and what is being shared that has brought us more intimacy, the depth of love that Annette and Gabe share with each other is amazing and so inspiring.
We can put so many conditions and expectations on relationships it is hard sometimes to see the truth, but see and feel it we will if we can just open up and let those expectations go.
It makes such a huge difference when we truly listen to someone who is communicating to us. I find it is important to make eye contact, connect, acknowledge their presence and listen without judgement. These are basic steps in communication but I am surprised how often we miss out on these steps and most likely it is because we think we are too busy to stop and really listen.
When we truly listen, by its very nature, we connect deeply … first with ourselves, and then with others.
‘We started to open up more and more, being very interested in each other, supporting each other in whatever was being shared and not bringing our own stuff into it.’ Bringing our own stuff into conversations is very common and what are we doing when this happens? It does end the ‘getting to know someone and yourself’ by connecting to what the other person has to share. When we make it about the quality of the conversation/relationship and not so much about yourself and the attention you need, we open up to the loving support that is always there. This can only be done when you give yourself the attention, the love first you seek in the outside world.
The agenda way of living can seem so normal because it looks like most of the time this is how pretty much every body lives. How precious and golden to consider that there are people living in the world who do not engage with this and who actually allow the space for others to be and to express themselves.
Brilliant call out Natalie. If we are not interested in our partner then we are settling for an arrangement based on self-interest. Feels empty and yet so many of us choose it – maybe because we don’t know any different. But once seen role-modelled in others we awaken to the fact we have a choice and the arrangement loses its appeal.
I agree Lucy, it does. I am learning to not settle for less in my relationships because after seeing what a true relationship looks like it is inspiring me to live this in my relationships too.
How are we going to see and appreciate the extraordinary in the ordinary if we do not show a keen interest in the details of our everyday life.
There is nothing that kills a relationship more then lack of interest.
It is an ongoing process to really listen to another when another is looking to blame and project. However when we react we miss the opportunity to really understand another hurt and can add fuel to fire.
Opening up with another and being interested – fascinated – curious – allows the other person to also become more transparent – and vulnerable. Honesty then prevails. What better way to allow intimacy? And not just with a close partner.
With the willingness to truly be open to connecting with another, Soul to Soul, you cannot help to feel that there is so much to explore, learn, be inspired by and support each other to evolve and grow. Discovering, unfolding and adjusting how we can live more love in our lives has certainly introduced greater enrichment in my life.
‘To stop trying to make the other person be a certain way’ – isn’t that what we all find ourselves doing, sometimes without even realising it?! When we start appreciating and feel full of ourselves (in an amazing way, not out of arrogance), it feels so good that we can’t help but share ourselves with others. Self-appreciation totally cuts the need for others to be a certain way for us, so that we can feel okay.
Appreciation of ourselves and others is a very healthy foundation for any relationship.
Natalie, thank you for sharing this, I find this really supportive and inspiring, it would be amazing for all of my relationships to have this 9 day program of being interested in the other and not trying to change the other person.
We need to constantly look at our relationship with ourselves and each other. It is an ongoing process.
“Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us” You could apply this question to any conversation or interaction you have within a day, are we truly there for another person to support them and be there for them in any way we can, or are we listening thinking about ourselves and how things impact us? And is life truly about us, or is it about everyone?
There are moments where I react towards another person. Turning it around and asking myself the question, what does she or he need to hear from me to get back on track feels expansive and loving towards the other and opens up space in me and the other immediately. Not making it all about me and my sensitivities/ what I don´t like, where I want to get off my own readings etc and instead seeing in every moment a grander purpose for others is my daily focus and a great joy to develop step by step.
When the two become One then they both become the many and the all. It is an alignment to a force far greater than what we can individually achieve on our own and thus a choice to dissolve the ‘self’ into a greater area of service that comes from truly connecting with and working with each other and all others. We were never designed to be ‘one’, out for self and acting in isolation to others, we were designed to be One ‘at one’ with all. However, when this call comes, there is a part of us that resists letting go of that which we have created that identifies us as being ‘the one’ and it is this aspect we need to draw fully into focus so that we can nominate and renounce the hold this has had over us and kept us in separation to the All we cannot help but be a part of as it is the truth of who we are.
We are all part of this one, of this whole, and yet we seem to work so hard to resist the warm enveloping feeling that comes from surrendering to who we are, where we are from and what we are made of.
I love and find Annette and Gabrielle really inspiring too. With them you know relationships are truly deeply important and that they live this and learn from this all the time. You can feel their intimacy, connection, communication, transparency, openess and love. It is great what you have shared on reflection. I have just come home from work and am quite tired and can feel a ‘just want to be left alone’ energy yet when you are in a relationship with someone else, a partner, a friend, a flat mate there is really no time out because that ‘just want to left alone’ energy is like you were sharing and when we make it about us and not the other person. Of course that does not mean do not honour and listen to what we feel, if we are tired go to bed early or have a bath or make a cup of tea but do it keeping the inner heart open to others and not closed off. Great learning.
Thank you Natalie , it is very true once one surrenders to what is being reflected and know that all of life is about reflecting . When one gets self centred there is no reflection as its all inward like a sink hole .
The opening which you have developed with your partner , as in the transparency with each other , this also serves with others as they feel they can communicate with you on an openness and intimate way.
This blog is inspiring me to look deeper into my relationship with people. How I interact and respond to them. I realise I often get caught up in trying to get my point across and therefore, lose the connection with myself and the person I am talking to. I am certainly learning to be more present, more loving and tentative when communicating with people.
This simple approach of considering how your partner feels, not being in constant reaction, being willing to understand are great for developing a true relationship – and they are not hard or ‘good’ things to do but principles which if truly tried would reveal that there is always a multidimensionality in all relationships.
It’s that basic level of trust and intimacy that is so foundational and important in a relationship – an ability to see another as a perfectly respectable and sensitive human being – and that developing those strong bonds of friendship and trust are what allows it to grow – and the thing is too – we enter relationships with so many pictures and old hurts/ways of being that we don’t start at love.
Sometimes in cohabitation we fall in patterns that are related with the way we individually see the world, and forget that this may not be the way our mate is observing it. In my experience I can say that cohabiting is a very evolving experience, as it allows me to check my own vision of life and also surrendering, not to the ideals I have in my mind, but to the truth that is available to be shared with the other person.
Many if not the greater proportion of conversations and exchanges are about getting somewhere, achieving something, persuading another or getting a point across – rarely do we make space and be interested in the other just for themselves. And we all suffer from this deficit and from not being met.
Thank you Natalie, what you share here is the foundation in any relationship as often we want to connect with someone but have overlooked the basics of decency and respect and instead we cast judgements on others on how they need to be , creating a friction before any interaction actually occurs.
Being fully present with someone and listening is about respecting them and it tells them, what you have to say has value because you are worth it. How gorgeous is it when you can come to someone with nothing in between and no need or expectation, just bringing you, then they get you in your absolute love, and consequently get to feel the truth of themselves with that honouring presence.
Natalie, this is really supportive to read; ‘we set ourselves on a program for 9 days to find out – to be interested in each other, to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.’ Very lovely.
I love what you write here Natalie, this is super super important in a relationship yet how many of us are guilty of not paying each other enough attention, I know I am and I know I could listen much more – thanks for the gentle nudge this is something i need to look at!
It is wonderful isn’t it, and it is such a gift, when we simply choose to listen… For so many people this is such a great experience as they have never really been listened to… Ever in their life
It can be felt when someone is absolutely open and accepting of all that we are, it feels like they really see us. This is very beautiful Natalie and it has me pondering integrity in relationships and how important this is. The active ingredient that you have mentioned ‘being interested’ is so simple but also so exposing. How often are we truly interested is what another has to share?
It’s actually very natural to want to connect to another person and be interested in them, when we are not we are usually in protection and holding back from a fear of some kind. Well worth looking at this and seeing what keeps us from an open communication where we are, or could be, actually enjoying each other.
This is super powerful Natalie. There is so much more available for us all when we genuinely connect to someone with interest, understanding and even awe of who they are. There’s not so much scope for self-centering thoughts when we are willing to feel and appreciate the wholeness of another being and ourselves.
With communication comes connection, with connection comes reflection, with reflection comes union, and with union there is no separation.
Your words Natalie lead me to sit and contemplate just how much we hear what others say, or just how we preempt, interpret and interject. Perhaps what others say is not loving or even true but that does not mean they deserve any less respect, care and attention. Certainly life flows best when we can be and relate without any agenda.
I loved reading that a couple was looking at their friendship. It makes sense to nurture it, as the friendship comes first before you are a ‘couple’ and will be what determines if you actually stay friends if the relationship ends. Annette and Gabrielle offer such a strong reflection for couples to consider how they are with each other, from the words they use, the eye contact and body language. It reminds us that comfortably cruising, getting on ‘well’ or having common interests does not bring the depth of what relationships can be about.
I second this. I have sessions with Anette and Gabe and they are so rock solid. Their relationship is never stagnant it is always deepening and they are constantly confirming and appreciating one another. What an awesome reflection to have.
Yes I know many occasions where I was telling someone something when they asked and then finding them not really listening, also I have found how I can sometimes not be totally there and already want to be in the next moment when I am with someone. I also know how beautiful it feels when someone truly listens to me and vice versa it is very beautiful to listen to someone else. It is worth to ask the question what we are in life for, to be in the moment milking it or to be with one foot already in the next?
This is such a great thing to take into our lives and thus into our relationships, it is about being interested in each other, taking the time to listen, let our own insecurities out of the conversation; being really interested is giving everyone the opportunity to lighten up and express all they are.
Reading this again it is a great reminder of the importance of maintaining the focus and attention that you describe, Natalie. For me the intimacy and openness with which the Benhayons ‘meet’ people when in conversation is a constant inspiration for me.
I love what you have shared Natalie, I also noticed how Annette and Gabe are with each other and when one is talking the other is totally engaged with them, not off somewhere with their own thoughts. I appreciate the greater awareness your blog has given me in how to be more intimate in my relationships.
Again very inspiring Natalie, to read your blog and learn about the program you’ve done with your partner. Since doing an awesome Expression and Presentation workshop given by Serge Benhayon I become more aware of how I hold myself in conversations with friends and family and colleagues and it is interesting to see where I try to manipulate, not being truthful or giving myself away. To deepen any relationship we can bring what we know innately to be true and that’s not behaving as if we are individual but learn and grow along a loving way as we are one.
It all leads back to an open heart and clocking each moment that this changes. When the heart is open each relationship is given the opportunity to grow and be felt. This may not always be expressed with words but the powerful movements of our body – body language that we all have the ability to read.
What a beautiful sharing and way to claim a deeper and more loving relationship with ourselves our partners and everyone “we set ourselves on a program for 9 days to find out – to be interested in each other, to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.” very inspiring and amazing .
I am currently totally blown away by the power of listening… actually dedicating myself to hear what others are saying, rather than ‘chuntering’ around in my head formulating my response. I have heard a saying that listening is half of communication… I reckon it is a whole lot more.
I know I have gone into relationships in the past because someone has been interested in me. It is their interest in me that has interested me, and I have not particularly been interested in them. An unequal start from the very beginning! It’s so easy to walk around in life in self interest without taking a look around and opening ourselves to be interested in others. I love what you share here. I have also observed Annette and Gabrielle communicating and it is deeply touching to witness how interested they are in each other. True intimacy on display. I’m sure we can all learn much.
Choosing to be transparent with another creates a level of intimacy that allows us to understand we are all connected and that it is natural to love others when we get the self out of the way.
I have been much more open to connecting with people I found it hard to be around them, from my own hurts – but the truth is it’s my responsibility to do this.
Natalie, this is gorgeous to read, I can feel how lovely it is to be interested in people rather than just having our own agenda, I have noticed that the more I accept and love myself and look after myself, the more well I feel and the more I have the time and energy for others, I am now more genuinely interested in people and this feels really lovely, if for any reason I don’t feel well and vital then the focus comes back to me and how I am and just getting through the day.
I can relate to that one, often when I want another to be a certain way it’s because there I want myself to be a certain way first, that imposition onto another is all to fit in and around so that our own inner expectations are met. Completely selfish and it feels yucky but it happens. The more I connect to and accept myself the more these expectations get highlighted and exposed for me to say No to continuing.
The more transparent you become, the more interesting you become, making it easier for your partner.
Absolutely agree, being interested is more interesting and it is loving to be truly there for yourself and another. We can be so abusive to those we live with by simply not living this.
Wow Natalie that was awesome to read. We so often get our self in the way and miss the true beauty that’s right in front of us.
‘The grass is always greener’ is one of our most destructive thought patterns and leaves us blind to the treasure at our fingertips.
I love what you have shared here Natalie, and have given it a go myself with my husband and it does make a difference to the quality of our relationship. Also I have listened to Gabrielle and Annette who are very inspiring, and yet what they share is so basic but makes so much sense, and has helped me to understand my partner more.
Not coming at life with an agenda is a big one for most. We are so insecure in ourselves that we feel the need to be in control and have things go a certain way. This then makes it all about us and we are chomping at the bit to have our say or way in situations. When we start to build truly intimate and honouring relationships with ourselves first, this controlling way becomes less and less, and we allow more space to be with another in our communication and interactions with them, which is truly honouring and respecting each other as equal in every way, and so deserving of equal love.
One of the keys to making a relationship not about self and getting in the way of being open with the other person is to be totally open to having an intimate relationship with self. This is the only way, if we are not choosing to be in that intimacy of knowing ourselves and how we really feel and what we are really choosing then how can we expect that in our relationship?
Natalie, this is beautiful, ‘we set ourselves on a program for 9 days to find out – to be interested in each other, to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.’ Reading this I can feel how we so often do have agendas in relationships and that relationships can be about function rather than allowing the other person the space to express what they are feeling without any judgment and criticism, it is wonderful to read this.
I have observed at my work the difference in my day when I interact with people and go out of my way to strike up conversation and when I stay quiet. My days seems to flow much more when I share me and show an interest and care for people. It confirms what life is really about which is never to fill in forms or push paper, though these tasks need to be done, but foremost is sharing moments with others.
This is a very honest blog Natalie. I can relate to similar experiences when speaking to others where one or other of us has jumped into a conversation before the other person has finished their sharing. I know it puts a stain on the relationship too as we then don’t feel listened to or our conversation valued. This recently came up for me to look at.
What an ironic scenario this is, where so many of us seem to find every day life severely lacking, dull and mundane to the extent that we look to stimulation, through devices, shows or dramas, when all the time the interest we seek is something unique and warm we can bring.What you show us once and for all Natalie is that life is only as rich as we are willing to let it be. But boy it can be really superb when you remember it’s about us and not about me.
It goes to show that when we open ourselves up to another, we open ourselves up to the world.
Natalie this is a great reminder to be interested in people, I have noticed that if I am feeling well and am not tired then I am naturally more interested in people and will start up conversations in supermarkets and where I work, if I am tired, have overeaten or am caught up in an issue then I notice that I am not interested and am in my own little world and do not connect with others in the open, interested, loving way that I can.
This so important in all our relationships ‘just by stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda.’ We are so used to go in with what we want out of it and it’s exposing to feel how I can manipulate the conversation instead of truly connecting and being interested in my partner, coming from ‘ am I enough?’
I am on my computer a lot and I use it around the kitchen table where the family often sit. In the past I have kept the computer open and have continued conversations whilst doing work. I can see how this is me trying to multitask, and not giving any one thing my full attention. Now, I will close the computer when having a conversation. It says I can be bothered to be fully with that person and I then don’t miss out on truly connecting.
Beautiful part here about how not making everything about yourself actually allows space for connection between people, whether we are in intimate relationships with eachother or not – the key is quality and when that quality is without needs and hurts blocking true expression, what comes as a result is divine by nature.
Ah… The art of listening is one that I could certainly use some more conscious practice of. I can feel the importance of not only hearing what another is saying, but getting myself out of the way and allowing / accepting where that person is at in their own development. Who says they need to think like me? Who says they need to hear my opinion? There is so much power and connection in simply being with someone and listening with an open heart and our full body. Sometimes that’s all another needs.
The more open we are with each other, the more we expose that part of us that is running the show in the sense that it is this part that is more concerned with protecting this individuated aspect of ourselves rather than seeing ourselves and another as a one homogenous unit of expression in a continual and ever evolving relationship with each other. We are designed to move as One; one breath, one love, but this we cannot do if we are constantly trying to put our ‘self’ forward as a means to justify the pain we inflict upon ourselves when we do not move as One.
Truly being with another with your whole body, is telling them that they are absolutely worth your focussed attention and opens up the moment for a truer and honest interaction because there is no feeling of imposition or need from you. And a lot of the time, no words are needed when you just hold someone in this beautiful and honouring way.
Thank you for this inspiring story, and finding the link of Annette Baker and Gabrielle Caplice called: How do you have communication without reaction? has been most helpful, along with the other videos they have produced. You can see and feel that they have a depth to their relationship which is very inspiring.
Letting go of individuality and making life about ‘What’s in it for me” ; opens up the opportunity to build a true foundation of brotherhood where there is transparency and purpose in all our relationships creating true intimacy for all.
I have been inspired by this blog and made an effort to know more about my housemate as I could feel a deeper connection that we could go to and that we both wanted. It has been challenging at times but also very beautiful to let go of our guards and start to come together more and let each other in and share more about our days.
I have found relationships get boring if not rather ridged and stagnant if we are not continually interested and engaged with the other person and what they are feeling. There is always more to deepen and grow to.
Being open to truly hear what is being shared by another inspires them to hear what you are sharing with them and allows the relationship to develop a richer quality.
Thank you Natalie, I can feel reading your words that this is very relevant to me, that there is so much beauty that can come from truly listening to one another. The delight of just being with another person, getting to know them, and holding one another as precious and valuable also feels like a lot of fun.
A great blog that hi-lights how much we can be in self in a relationship and how easily it can cause conflict and disharmony. What I love about your blog Natalie is that once you became more caring with each other this changed your relationship with everyone. I have found this too and it has had profound affect on my life, I am so much more aware of everyone and everything around me, and while self can creep in it no longer dominates like it used to.
Gosh I love this piece of writing as it highlights so much about how relationships can be. It is simple what has been shared here but also very profound- of do we use relationships for our own needs or do we genuinely express care, love and support for others.
It’s great to read this again this morning and feel how much more open we can be and how that can dissolve so much longterm hard feelings. Sometimes when I am faced with someone who is very absorbed in themselves `i can lose interest after a while and find myself reacting to the reactive way they are communicating. Of course this helps no one and only compounds the problem. I have found though that a conscious opening on my part and a willingness to be more honest without giving my power away is a good start.
The title of this blog says it all “Life gets more Interesting when you are Interested” and actually could relate to anything in life not just relationships. It is a choice to be interested and when we are magic happens.
I love the point you make at the end about just stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda. This is something my boss shared with me recently, that he finds he opens up with me the most because when I come into his office I don’t have an agenda whereas it feels like everyone else comes in wanting something and he is still working through his reactions to this.
It is very powerful, healing and liberating for all concerned to be able to listen openly without any agenda or preconceived ideas.
Thank you Natalie for sharing a very important subject with us. To really relate to each other in general means listening to and respecting what the other person is sharing without trying to push our view or way of being on another, respecting our differences. There are many wonderful examples of this way of being in Universal Medicine including Serge Benhayon and his family and also Gabe and Annette who demonstrate this so beautifully too.
I love the reflection you were willing to take in that made you realise that there was a deeper level to go to in your relationship and how you simply put it into practice.
“… to be interested in each other, to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.” This is the foundation for true relationship. A beautiful sharing.
If we look at relationships as separate occurences or held within a bubble it can feel daunting to assess every single relationship we have on a daily basis. What you’ve shared here Natalie is so simple in that being interested in one relationship and building that naturally without effort transfers into all others, including ourselves. The more I open up to others, appreciate and express my essence with them the more I open up to feeling aspects of myself that without the other I had not seen before which is really beautiful and fun at the same time.
Our relationships tell us so much about ourselves. Being open and friendly in day to day interactions like shopping in the supermarket makes all the difference to us having a fulfilling day or not. Taking time to say hello to that person we recognise but might not know so well, and yet doing this because we care and not because we feel we ought to.
I like these words of wisdom ‘just by stepping back a bit’ – this is something I am really being asked to learn to stop taking things in life personally, to not react , and feel whats going on for other people.
Being dismissive or not fully engaging with another is deeply felt and often subconsciously reacted to by the other person, so setting a dynamic that quickly snowballs into a more obvious disharmony or conflict, and so often we do not mean to be dismissive, just caught up in our own internal drama or worry. and this article is a wonderful illustration of what we are all missing out on when we do not fully engage and appreciate the amazing being in front of us.
I am realising that I can only be interested in another when I connect with, accept and truly appreciate myself.
The more interested I am in people the more I find they open up to me. I love it when talking to complete strangers and they drop their barrier as they can feel I don’t want anything from them. When people feel you are genuinely interested in them it allows them space to take a breath and share who they really are.
This is such an important question Natalie – ‘Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?” – It makes all the difference in any conversation when we allow this statement to be in our thoughts beforehand.
Relationships are beautiful opportunities to let go off a lot of reaction and hurt. Learning to live together with someone and not make it only about ourselves is a lesson that is supporting every area of my life, it is truly beautiful.
I’m going to try this out this week listening to the other person, understanding them, giving them space and not making it about me. This is something i often pick up in kids at school, when someone shares something someone else is straight in there making it about themselves, now I realise this is a reflection for me to look at in how I communicate and am with other people. Big ouch and unpleasant feeling there.
I really admire the honesty and dedication that you and your partner showed to actually address the way you are in conversations. We often avoid these conversations, as we don’t want to rock the boat or fear losing the relationship. But it is amazing what can come of it, if both parties are willing and open. I love the ripple effect that occurred through this process as well in to your other relationships
Seeing Annette and Gabe together on that video does set a new marker for how genuinely loving, appreciative and interested we are in other people, whether that is our partner or not. If we are really honest with ourselves we are often not that present with the other person when they speak. Some of us would rather be doing something else, some reacting to what is said, while others are just waiting for a moment to talk about themselves. No wonder our kids and relationships are having problems, when there is so little genuine connection!
I really appreciate this sharing and it has stayed with me, it is something I often think about and come back to read to support me in my close relationships. I can feel I make a lot of relationships about what I can get out of it or all about me as a way to avoid truly opening up to people and sharing the deep love I have for them.
OMG Natalie this is utterly BRILIANT! I love what you’ve initiated here and highlighted from the love filled Annette and Gabe! You’re so right, they adore oneanother, it’s so inspiring. This has stopped me in my tracks as I realise how much of my communication with my, now ex- boyfriend, was about getting my point across in order to not get exposed and feel pain I’d rather not feel….
This is an incredible blog, how often in life are we in it for ourselves and miss out on the bigger picture of supporting, loving, caring and feeling that love, care and support back from other people, because we want them or love to be a certain way, from a perfect picture in our head we have created of how we want or need love to be, or a truly loving relationship to be.
All too often we either blame the other person in the relationship be it friend, partner, family or colleague and do not want to be really honest and see our part and responsibility in why it is not as harmonious and as awesome as it can be, so this is really inspiring to read and also a great confirmation that when we look at and work on one relationship, how we are in that relationship and what we do or do not bring it has a natural ripple affect on all our other relationships in our life. I too adore Annette and Gabrielle and the intimacy, love, trust, spark and true joy they reflect to others. I recently had a Skype session with them that was so beautifull and very confirming.
When we take responsibility for the emanation of our expression and understand that is what is reflected back to us we have a greater understanding of ourselves and others.
What you expose here is very poignant, so many use this way to stay in our own comforts or misery. While it is so beautiful to just share and being interested in what’s going on for others, it deepens relationships when we make this choice.
Letting go of expectations and attachments on how we would like others to be, creates space that allows us to see and appreciate the love that they truly are and the many ways they expressed it.
Choosing to be interested and meet people has a twofold effect, as they get to feel met by your presence, and you get to feel how amazing it is to give yourself space and hold another in that genuine love.
I can just feel how loving it is to listen to people.
I love what you say about hearing and listening to what someone has to say, and not dismissing them -it’s actually so harmful on so many levels, its not the way to build trust, openess and respect in a relationship with anybody when you do this. We tend to as a society not listen to people, we’re out there for ourselves and that’s very sadenning to feel.
in listening to someone talk, it is possible sometimes to actually not hear their words but to watch their movements, reading each moment as their expression fills their body and comes out to greet you.
It is so gorgeous to be able to delight in another, appreciating them and their successes as if your own. This is how we should be with each other and the reward of a deeper connection between the two of your is proof of this.
It’s funny how when you start to share something worth sharing about your relationship, it actually supports all those you are sharing it with -true inspiration!
I’ve been inspired by Gabrielle and Annette too, they mentioned in an interview about taking the time to look into your partners eyes each day, and I began to notice how much I wasn’t -with many people in my life actually. I could have spent the whole day with them, and only truly looked into their eyes and actually seen them for a moment before we part. Crazy! But, in noticing this, it has got me to bring that eye contact, there fore an actual connection and I get to really see them and what ever is going on. Such tiny little things make such huge differences.
We are so used to judgement or reaction to how we are, how we move and what we do and say, that it is such a gift to give anyone to be open and surrender in our body when we are listening to another or simply with another person. It gives them the space and grace to be who they are free of any expectation or need or demands.
How many of us can honesty say that we don’t go about life with our colleagues, friends and family without having some kind of agenda? Recently, I realised that is what I have been doing and it came as a bit of a slap… but thank goodness for the slap because now I can honesty look at my interactions with others and base them more on a genuine interest without having an agenda or wanting anything back. Thank you Natalie for sharing your words of wisdom which I am sure will support many in developing all their relationships back to a true foundation of Love and genuine interest in another.
This is a marker for all of our relationships as you have shared Natalie. When we impose our agenda on another are we in fact avoiding responsibility for our own lack of self worth? When I feel complete in myself, even in my imperfection, I can allow another to shine without any agenda.
Natalie, I love what you are sharing here, about seeing relationships as friendships and about being interested in each other – it is so simple but can so easily be overlooked with the busyness of life, thank you for writing this.
It is interesting to hear how many relationships are based on the ideals and beliefs of ticking the box and “getting a partner”. There is often little room or opportunity to develop friendships and understanding that often leads to miscommunication down the track. This blog is a reminder of how getting back to basics brings the simplicity we all know and crave for with our own lives let alone when we share this with another
The importance of not being one way with someone and then another way with someone else as it just doesn’t exist this separation. It is impossible but we believe what our eyes tell us that there is separation and physical bodies that are different but we are all the same and connected. So everything is affected by everything. It’s beautiful and quite huge if we really consider that our behaviours affect the whole.
I’ve just looked at the video and it’s amazing. Do I have that interest in other people or am I self-serving? Well, it’s more the latter but since reading this the other day I’ve noticed how I am and taken the time to take a real interest in people. People open up because being met and heard and someone being genuinely interested is lovely and connecting is so natural.
But I know there is way more for me to feel and learn. I am inspired to put myself on a programme too. I have always hidden myself from people so thought of myself as not really interested in people. This stemmed from certain people in my life who sought any audience to corner and talk at their somewhat crazy stories and with awareness or interest for the audience. But rather than run away from this or get set in trying to get another to see it from my reality, how about I actually be interested? To’not going at life with an agenda’ – I can feel challenged by the thought of this already but I’m going to see how this goes and trust the connection we all have with one another more than any agenda I create or fear of being consumed by another’s reality.
Relationships can be very selfish and about us and what we can get, and if it does not go that way, we react, we get hurt..that is not a relationship, well not a true relationship . What you have shared, to be open and bring care and really interested in our partner, does expose how much or often in our relationships we can ask ‘are we really interested in the other or is it about me’. Brilliant program and simple…i’m going to share this with my partner as we continue to deepen by being honest and living in a relationship that is learning about being in a relationship…with our foundation being love. . We are both understanding that relationship is much bigger than just me.
This is such a great sharing and discussion how we can be so caught up in what we want and expect others to be than allowing everyone to be themselves and appreciating what it is that they bring. Appreciation is something that a lot of people struggle with for ourselves let along another. And we can’t have the later if you having appreciated yourself first.
We communicate just as much when we listen as when we actually voice words.
Seeing a person for all that they are requires us to let go of seeing what we want to see.
all we need in relationships is full acceptance of what is present, I know sometimes when we want things to be a certain way traits can be annoying and frustrating, but appreciating a person for who they are always helps.
Choosing what do we want to hear from our partner is very different with wanting to hear every word they say. It is the reflection of totally different relationship.
Natalie, I love your topic of conversation here, as when we make life or situations about ourselves in a me, me, me kind of way, we can’t be as interested as we could be with others. And it all comes back to our level of self care I feel, as if we have a good foundation of self care practices that we follow, that interest or commitment naturally flows on to others too, as we are taken care of first and so are more available to spend quality time with others when we are with them.
I realised last night that how us holding back our love is what can cause us illness as it creates a tension energetically in our body, energy is designed to flow and be moving if we hold back our love we have to bring in a force to do that, this force causes dis-ease in our body.
Natalie, you have made some wonderful reflections here in this blog – we have too much of a tendency to take things for granted all of the time, and especially to take each other for granted on some level. But what if we lived each and every day with the knowing that it could be our last with that person? Would that not suddenly change our appreciation? I don’t say this from a fear-mongering approach, thinking we/they could die, or split apart or whatever, rather I say it from an approach where we know that life’s changes can happen any moment and so how important is it to appreciate in full the person we are with and not let ourselves be distracted by all that happens in life. People are important, and we as individuals and us as couples are people. It is well worth valuing this and appreciating each other. Thank you for this precious reminder Natalie – these are the kinds of things that bring more depth and care to our relationships with self and others.
To hold another in non-judgement and simply listen and be interested is a beautiful way to truly accept another and allow for a deeper understanding to emerge.
I like the program you put yourself on, whereby you make life equally about others, and not just about self and what’s in it for me, and, ‘ to be interested in each other, to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.’
It is such a great question to ask – are you actually interested in the other person or are we trying to simply make a point or even win a point. It is fascinating to watch interactions and observe how often I want to take control and somehow win a point. It is great as I now get to catch myself and slowly undo the pattern. I then get to start to fully appreciate the other person more and more and that is truly special.
This is magnificent, and what you show with this blog is that it is all just a choice to take the time to listen and be truly interested in another. It is about letting our ‘self’ go and surrender to what is needed.
I love reading this Natalie and the importance of truly listening and connecting with another without making it about ‘you’. Too often when another has spoken I am already working out what too say in response, when I do this I am missing out on the beautiful space that is created when we become really interested in another.
Those moments when I totally delight in what someone else is saying show me how simple and beautiful it is to surrender to the moment I am in, nothing before, nothing after just right now, and now, and now…
..’ I’m not just there thinking about myself. This has allowed the space for us to connect.’ I guess it is natural for us to be interested in each other when we let go of the individual that we think we are and acknowledge the bigger picture. How everyone is a part of the whole and brings their uniqueness to the table.
Natalie, this is a beautiful reminder about the importance of showing attention and care. I watched the video of Gabrielle and Annette and see the adoration and total care in Gabrielle’s eyes, face and body.
When you asked “Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?”, I realise I answer yes to this a lot, so this is great to see that I can bring more space and observation to my relationships with people.
How can your relationship fail to evolve if you actually listen to the other person, and focus on what is being said but at the same time be aware of how your own body feels whilst the other is speaking. Wouldn’t the other person then feel like they have actually been heard – very inspiring blog.
I am very inspired by what you share here. It is a beautiful reflection of how to move on and leave behind the stagnation and arrangement we can so easily get stuck and comfortable with in relationships.
If we feel something in one area of our lives it is only natural that this would be available and shared amongst the many other facets… so development in your intimate relationship are bound to have ripple effects on every other one.
It is important to be able to share honestly and truly what is going on with our partner but maybe not always easy at first. The more we do the more we get confident at doing it, and even not being afraid of what the outcome of the conversation might be. As long as everything is shared with love.
In simply making space and time to have conversations in relationships about how each party is and what is happening for them develops this as a way of being and a foundation on which true communication can grow.
The only way to truly communicate without reaction is to be willing to be open, and to learn to let go of investment in others to live up to our demands and ideals and expectations, for it it those things that often stop us from seeing the underlying truth in any given situation.
Being the observer in how we interact with others, is a great way to catch those times where you haven’t been as present and not shown much interest in another because you have been too preoccupied in your own stuff.
Delight and appreciation. What gorgeous things to bring to a relationship and feel for another person.
I like the idea described in this blog of putting oneself on a program to enquire and observe a particular aspect of our lives. We are in relationship with everything so it makes sense to me to bring a focus to a relationship and a way of relating more intimately and test it out.
Yes how easy is it to just do that – be in conversation and trying to make sure one’s point is heard and acknowledged, and as you say Mary, when in connection with ourselves first then it is just a natural follow on to be connected to the other person and communication will be so much more meaningful as we don’t have to make sure the other person ‘gets it’ , as in true connection that already is all felt.
Awesome writing and I really can relate to this too…”just by stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda.” When we do have an agenda the pitfalls occur and life often becomes in those moments rather difficult and unpleasant …
‘I have noticed it is also having a domino effect on other relationships in my life.’ The beauty of our choices is that each choice impacts on each and every aspect of life – guaranteed.
How often do we actually truly listen to another before we want to jump in and correct them or put our point across. What this blog shows is that everyone regardless if in a personal relationship or not would benefit from examining how they actually listen to people.
To fully engage with another, however long it may be for whether a minute or an hour, allows them the space and freedom to be who they truly are. Being met in this way is what we all really want most of all in the world.
I love the practicalness of what you have shared here and your willingness to explore an exercise in your relationship that was challenging at first and felt de-constructing. Actually paying attention to and being present with others without there being an expected or desired script playing in our heads as we communicate, is a really powerful exercise to get honest about our level of connection and commitment to true relationship.
My mum always said only boring people get bored! It has of course everything to do with our level of disconnection or connection.
When we can strip away our conditions that we put on our relationships and what we want from another then this gives the space for everyone to be themselves. I certainly love these relationships where we are enjoying each other for who we are and what we bring.
Natalie what you share here is profound. It is simple and obvious that if we are fully present and interested in the another then they will feel this and the relationship will deepen. I am reflecting on how much I truly listen compared to the times I am distracted or controlling over the next week as my own personal experiment.
Wow, honestly how much do our interactions with others revolve around getting some momentary relief or a hit of attention to make us feel better? How many times do we truly just stop and listen without an agenda behind? What would it feel like to do just this, without attempting to steer and control life? I feel it would be superbly freeing inside me, to no longer be hurtling around an emotional formula one track trying continually to be ‘no 1’ or the fastest, cleverest, most talented guy in the west. Thank you Natalie, for this observation and opportunity you offer us all, to simply come back to make our relationships about care, love and presence not self at all.
It is very inspiring to read about a couple who is prepared to open the old hurt around truly meeting and being interested in each other. We may think of courage as getting up and speaking in front of many people, or driving ourselves into 20 hour work days or an extreme sport. But I feel true courage is when people face how they have been living and choose to open up to how to deeply choose love and not tolerance or settlement in their relationship.
Any relationship/friendship can be punctuated with thoughts that put even a slim distance between really relaxing the body and being truly interested in feeling the essence of the person we are with. There are experiences when there has been absolutely no picture and a moment with someone has brought incredible depth of connection, full of understanding and appreciation. It is the ‘what’s in it for me’ pictures that I can feel greatly interrupt the flow of true and loving connection with the people we know.
There is the common belief that relationships stagnate over time losing their freshness. This is only because of the quality in which we choose to live and hence relate. When we live with a commitment to deepen constantly, not to rest on the laurels of yesterday and to be loving, deeply loving with ourselves and others, our relationships do not fizzle out. They deepen more and more, and we uncover in wonder more and more about the other. This innocence and wonder is how every relationship ought to be.
Lately I have been noticing that I often feel the truth in a situation but find it difficult to express my truth without reaction, especially if there is a disagreement of opinion. Being open to appreciating and connecting with the essence of the other person and really listening in full to what they have to say, definitely has helped me not go into hurt so much and remain connected to myself and to them.
I know that over the years I had developed a kind of survivor mentality when it came to being heard in some conversations and in making sure my point of view was put across. When life is lived like this some people become very good at tuning out. It doesn’t matter how forceful your argument is when it’s not being heard. This is no basis for any relationship. I had seen relationships like this and had been quite critical, yet I had joined in when the atmosphere was such that if I was going to join in then this was what I had to do. These days I would rather not.
I can feel how beautiful it is when I am not scrambling for space or recognition. When I am secure in myself I can really listen to another person and be generous with myself. The whole relationship changes and deepens. There is no need for protection or to prove anything. I can honour myself and I can honour my friend.
This blog so beautifully highlights how often we only show interest in our relationships because we want another to meet our own unmet needs. But when we show interest with the purpose just to connect without getting or needing anything there is such a possibility of true intimacy and reflection.
Swallowing our pride and expressing absolutely all of what we feel is a great place to build a relationship – sometimes this is actually best when we stop and make sure that we have this relationship with ourselves first. So when things come up and it needs to be talked about that there is a steadiness within that makes it a little easier and there is a very limited amount of reactions.
“just by stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda.” Great advice here Natalie. Agendas or investments, only bring disconnection from another, because you’re so busy in your mind going into the agenda, that there is no space for much else. It is a huge distraction from just being with another and appreciating their presence and what they bring, and is quite self indulgent and making it about your stuff. Whereas I have found that when I don’t have any agenda, need, or have not labelled another, we are both left to just be our naturally amazing selves, and there is much enjoyment within this loving simplicity.
When we approach relationships already in protection of our own hurts there is no other way than make everything about self, being willing to let go of it and be open and vulnerable allows for a greater level of communication and intimacy with all relationships around us.
Uninteresting is just lack of presence and commitment.
There is something very special when we give people our undivided attention, our presence. When we do not, there is a sadness we feel immediately. It may not be in our conscious awareness, but we feel it. We can feel when someone is not ‘there’, so reading how this has played out and then how you describe the knock on effect, just illustrates, how things can go when we are not present and the glory of when we are.
This is lovely to read Natalie. Truly connecting with others and being genuinely interested enables our relationships to go deeper. Presence is a true gift.
Absolute – love it what is being shared , because this stuff makes sense.
I love the knock on effect you have experienced and shows nothing happens in isolation.
I love this sharing- thank you. I have been experiencing some challenges with my flatmate and I want to use this to get to know them more and to deepen my connection with them instead of focusing on the issues.
When I am not being fully present with another person my own agenda has taken charge, whether that be judgement, comparison or jealousy etc. There is a huge offering here in your blog Natalie to be more honest with every relationship.
As I am more honest and take more responsibility for myself, I am touched and inspired by the quality of my relationships and daily interactions. What is on offer blows me away when I stop driving my relationships from self-interest.
Have you ever talked to someone wearing sunglasses? There is this invisible, visible barrier! Is it the same as looking at life through rose coloured glasses? They are both just ways to disconnect and being unable to connect with others by choice.
It really is a beautiful experience to feel the constantly changing nature of relationships. And that we have the choice as to what we bring to each and every person and situation.
Living in a way that commits to understanding how to see and feel the delight and appreciation for each other, and what each person uniquely brings is something that has transformed my relationship of 20 years.
This is super cute and inspiring to hear… transforming long term relationships rather than just resigning to habitual patterns of familiar behaviour… thank you, Nicole.
It’s just a beautiful thing to read about one person being interested in another. This opens the way for relationships to be based on a more mutual understanding of each other. They key ingredient though, is perhaps that even though it is possible to hang on every word of someone speaking with loving intent, that this love does not come with conditions. Because sometimes we can all, at any given time, talk a lot of nonsense, and just because you are interested, or deeply in love, does not mean that that nonsense cannot be called out – because to call out and nominate when another person is not speaking with all that they are is deeply a part of love too.
This is a sharing that I found extremely important for we often fail to listen intently to what another is saying. IT REALLY DOES MAKE A HUGE DIFFERENCE to a relationship if both parties respect each other by listening carefully and helping the trust in each other to grow.
I was inspired around a year ago to work on always making time and space for people as I was findng that in some situations I felt frustrated when people came to speak to me. This revelaed to me that not only did I have something to look at in how I was with other people, but also how I was with everything else i was doing. If we do not have time for people then we are doing everything else in ignorance of who we are.
When we choose to start listening again, much will be revealed… from what is truly being expressed, to the actual state of the world, to what our bodies have been saying to us for our whole lives… there is a lot to listen to.
Natalie what you say here is very true, I had to ask myself how often do I truly listen to others with interest, not only what they are saying but much more deeply and noticing their body movement, the tone of their expression and really pick up on how they feel. A great reminder to how much more there is when we are truly interested.
Natalie your comment ‘I am totally inspired by Gabrielle and Annette and the love and friendship they have and share with us all.’ I agree they are a great reflection for us all to see how deeply loving and honouring any relationship can be.
It is so cool when we allow ourselves to be inspired by others rather than block the opportunity with comparison that leads to compounding lack of self-worth.
Such a simple and seemingly obvious sentence ‘Life gets more interesting when you are interested’, but so often conversations between two people can be one sided, ensuring that a point is made no matter what. What you are sharing here Natalie is hugely important, and by bringing our awareness to how we listen to another ie with our whole body and not just our ears, we can bring so much more appreciation and understanding to what is being shared.
A few years ago, I remember reading this: the most important person is the person standing in front of you…… makes a lot of sense.
Love to re-visit this blog and the title of the blog says it all really: Life gets more interesting when you are interested!
If we do not make our love exclusive to one person and can open to seeing everyone as a loving equal it has a marked effect on our relationships with others and the reflection we receive from them. By expressing our interest, care and love, we inspire others to do the same.
It’s lovely Natalie, that you were willing to go there with your partner and share this opening up with others as well. If we are “in it for ourselves” we do not “actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling” because we get too caught up in our own hurt and protection. People then shut down when they feel dismissed. Living life, everything we do is reflected back to us – change the energy of our behavior and quality of the reflection changes.
If we’re not interested in what someone else has to offer or say, then we are using a lot of energy to not be present with them…one reason why people say that they get drained around other people. It isn’t actually the other person, it’s how we are when we are with them.
Gabe and Annette are super inspiring as individuals but also as a couple. As a single person I walk past coffee shops and see couples staring into space, not being able to find anything to talk about. Whereas these ladies show me there is always deeper, more honesty and love to go to in a relationship. There is no need for stagnation and observing them I can feel that so much growth and expansion can happen in relationship like this.
When we are genuinely interested in the other person it is amazing how they can surprise us. So often relationships get stale and stuck in a rut as we stop seeing all there is in them and between you. If we actually connect and care about the other person rather than cruising along with what makes us comfortable, there is always so much more to discover in ourselves and the other person.
There is so much more to talk about with each other than we allow. I’ve been observing couples recently, including my own relationship, and without fail we will discuss what we have planned that day, what we are eating for dinner, how we slept. And we could go a whole day, week even, only covering these topics – and yet there is so much more, there is a great depth to who we are as people – and if we are willing to see this we can really start to be interested in each other again.
Natalie, that 9 day program with your partner is truly courageous. Well done!
Taking an interest in anything is something that pulls us out of self-interest. I know I used to wallow in all my issues and feel depressed most of the time. Taking the time to have a true interest in other people is refreshing, and puts all personal issues in perspective.
It is so true that when we are interested in the person in front of us and not only see her or him as someone that needs something form you or you need something from, then a true relationship is being built. From that relationship we feel a unity that makes us feel equal to one another from which we can equally share in honesty how we feel and continue to build the love in the relationship.
Very inspiring blog Natalie. A great reminder how important it is and what a difference it can make in our life when we make relationships about connection first- eye contact, a caring smile, and open heart.
This is such an important question to be aware of in all our interactions with others: “Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?” Developing awareness in this and clear observation of this will go a long way in supporting us to be truly present for another, and the benefits will be magnificent for all.
The inspiration from this blog to stop and pay attention to people, even in the most fleeting of connections, is still working its magic and a constant reminder that when we engage with one another, its so much more fun and spontaneous when we put aside our own agendas and truly pay attention to what the other person is saying. It really lifts our hearts when we make eye contact, share a smile, give a true moment to each other. I can feel the ripples playing out in my close relationships and like all ripples, they will travel a lot further than I will ever realise. You have shown us how simple it is to truly care and as a consequence, keep refreshing our relationships.
I agree Rowena, it really does life our hearts when we make simple every day connections with people. I have recently moved and go walking every day in my new neighborhood, and I have noticed how easily it is to say hello which many times leads to a lovely chat. And then when I continue with my walk it feels like my heart is glowing!
I have noticed, the more interested I become in something, the more detail I notice, and this makes me even more interested in what I do or who i talk with …
Having a truly loving and equal relationship, where everything is out in the open and transparent, means everyone knows exactly where the other is coming from, and it can flush out any niggles or resentments that can fester and get blown out of all proportion when taken into the emotion of a situation. Having regular talks to check in with each other is a super supportive thing to do that would definitely show your partner there is a commitment in taking the relationship deeper and deeper.
This is an amazing blog Natalie. To give someone the space and time to listen to what they have to say and to be caring and appreciative of the person is truly connecting with them. This feels like a loving relationship we can have with all people we have contact with. Very inspiring.
Am i truly interested in what the other person is saying or am just waiting to speak? I do not talk much, so it is easy to observe what is happening when other people speak.
I would like to just not talk for the first 20 seconds when you first meet someone. Allow yourself to just be with that person.
I feel it would totally change your conversation.
Relationships never ever work when we make them all about ourselves.
Most of us seem to be ingrained with the desire to change others to our taste, as if we were on a global mission to convert each other. Does this seed come from the drive to make life better? Does it have its root in the believe we’d have to better ourselves?
When there is no true heart in relationships, the mind can run the show and take you into emotion. In that endless sea of drama and complications, the spirit who loves to make life about itself and not about, true connection and evolution for all.
Great blog Natalie. I had been noticing for some time how I wasn’t willing to listen with all of me especially to family members so I decided to make some changes. When a family member spoke I would stop what I was doing and make eye contact with them. I realised it made such a difference but I know there is so much more I can learn in how I am with myself in my relationships especially in trusting and letting go of my own agenda. Thank you for sharing.
It really is just a choice to stay interested, to be there with someone, to engage and feel the magnitude of love that is there or we can choose to ignore this connection and instead choose overwhelm or the illusion there is not enough time. One choice builds evolution the other disconnection.
Space for us to connect is a key to allowing another person in and then to see the equality.
Wow, how would my relationships change when I am truly interested? To notice all those times when I’ve got my self interests on hand and how honest I am with that. I wonder if it’s possible to bring this programme to myself and have a different relationship with myself. To notice when mini-me is trying to run the show, and to step in to bring in a wider understanding which is loving of everyone. What I’m appreciating is your commitment to observe it all and not retreat from what is there to see. That without this willingness to see it all and remain love nothing can change.
Natalie what a testament to true relationship to expose the way things are within a relationship is challenging, as you say “Those 9 days were at times confronting when we realised that a lot of the time we were indeed just in it for ourselves, trying to make the other person see our way, or totally fobbing off what they had just said in favour of the way we saw it.”. It is no doubt a wake up call for many of us to see just how we are in all our relationships.
This is really important in a relationship, ‘We started to open up more and more, being very interested in each other, supporting each other in whatever was being shared and not bringing our own stuff into it.’
The magic of life lies in being fully in it, committed and living it in full. Without interest we can become withdrawn and participating from only that which we feel fits our own needs. I have been there as for years I had a lifestyle which meant I related to life in one way, I played a role and fitted everything into that rather than living me as me, as I do now, and being open to experiencing life as it is and bringing my livingness to it.
I have been more and more aware of the fact that I am not the ‘good listener’ I thought I was… so this blog feels very helpful to me in deepening my choice to allow space after somone speaks and before I launch into trying to get my point across and to be more focussed/interested when my partner speaks.
We are all fixated on some far off place we must get to where life is ace, we are all obsessed with meeting with fate we absolutely must get to. In this we miss all the time that the true purpose of life, the gold, the riches lies right now in the moment you share with everyone here. There is no more to find and see, only much much more LOVE to be. Thanks Natalie for highlighting this point of interest for me.
I love the dedication with which you and your partner approach your relationship – noticing something needs attention, being open to inspiration, applying what you felt would be supportive and setting a space of a program within which to explore this. Such love, dedication and responsibility unfolds us to ever deeper and deeper love, joy and intimacy.
I love this blog it is a great reminder to take the time and space and really be interested not just in your partner but with everyone you meet. I have found the more interested I am the more we can relate.
My partner and I have also been deeply inspired through having sessions with Annette and Gabe and feeling the absolute love in their relationship and understanding that this is the potential of any relationship if chosen.
I really get how we can be interested I people or things that are going to give us something and not always just to connect to another amazing human being and confirm each other in that divine holding.
There have been times where I have just been waiting for another to finish speaking so that I could have my turn and not truly listening to what they are telling me because my focus has been on me and the so called importance of what I wanted to say. There was always this push in me and it felt very needy and unsupportive. When you are with someone in their sharing with none of that, it really opens it up for both of you to be more yourselves without feeling that imposing energy coming at you.
When we are genuinely interested in another, we can then deeply meet them. There is nothing more beautiful than feeling this with another. In those moments, sense of self disappears and we are left with a knowing that in truth there is no boundaries that lies between us.
True connection is a matter of choice in each and every moment, each and every relationship we have.
I was being playful yesterday when one of my children was sharing something about his friends at school. When he started talking I remembered your blog Natalie, so I stopped being busy and stood in front of him and gave him my full attention. It was interesting because we both started laughing, we were expressing to each other how I don’t usually do this. Often I am preparing for dinner at that time of the day and multitasking while he talks to me. It was fun to be playful and experiment with getting more interested and I also reminded myself to be more attentive and really connect with them when someone is talking to me.
’I am totally inspired by Gabrielle and Annette and the love and friendship they have and share with us all. I know my partner and I have this too, and I have been shown that we can actually have this with everyone, just by stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda.’ – I could not agree more, Annette and Gabrielle are super inspiring to me personally just like I know they are to countless others – and what they do is exactly what you are pointing out here, they are showing us all by lived example that the we can have this too.
When I am interested in to stay in my comfort and to not unfold more of my truth than I can not be truly interested in another, because through another comes always a offer and the impulse to evolve/develop/expand.
Coming back to this blog it makes me wonder and question – how interested am I in people? Being interested from the head constricts what there is before us to learn about each other. Being open to being interested in the feelings and our senses when another is before us I am learning is so much grander. So then, how do other people feel? I ask.
Thank you Natalie. Great to re read this blog and realise how much more I can bring to every relationship.
I did set myself on a program to open up more for people I meet every day. I choose to be interested. Not just in what they say, but also how they feel and what is the essence of them? I started to look in the eyes and then beyond their eyes – opened up for the truth which lies behind everyone. This turned my world around, time does not so much belong anymore, there is a space when I am with people and I feel more of an inner stillness and confidence. Life is not just more interesting with this – but becomes truly alive and not just existing and functional. Relationships are now less arrangements which support each other in comfortable existing beside each other, but an offer to evolve together and grow. This is very beautiful.
Wow Sandra, thank you for sharing that, how beautiful… I imagine you would have turned a few peoples lives upside down in the best sort of way by doing this!
Beautiful sharing Natalie- there is always room for deepening our relationship with another. You have highlighted how simply this can be done, and the powerful ripple effect it has on other relationships when we make it about true connection, and not about what we can personally get out of it, from a need.
If we’re in something for self, we cannot say we’re truly interested at all.
Wow I love this blog, thank you Natalie, i plan to initiate this 9 day program too, having often noticed either my own or another’s somewhat limited interest, or decided self-interest only in a conversation or exchange.
I love what you’ve shared that from developing greater interest and understanding within the relationship with your partner you were then able to do this with other people in your life too with much more ease. The foundations we build in any individual relationship really can support all of our other relationships hugely.
I find just when a relationship is about to deepen and the opportunity is there for it to become even more loving, that something can come in to interfere. It’s clever really, because that then becomes the reason we say we can’t go there but it was a set up in the first place.
So very true Vicky, it is easy to accept the sabotage and pull back, instead of seeing this for what it is and saying yes to the relationship deepening. I am amazed how often i see this play out in a clinical setting too… someone going super well, deepening, and then a complication comes in and as I say, ‘takes them out’… which is essentially that they get distracted and lose the momentum of development. I can certainly relate to that personally too… we are fascinating to observe in that respect, if constant evolution is our natural way, the myriad of ways we put the brakes on this.
Ah yes, I recognise this in myself Vicky, there are a million reasons to not commit to a relationship, all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘what’s not’, the mistrust, second guessing, worry, expectations, past choices and hurts… and it can be oh so sweet and simple if we just give it a go…
“Those 9 days were at times confronting when we realised that a lot of the time we were indeed just in it for ourselves, trying to make the other person see our way, or totally fobbing off what they had just said in favour of the way we saw it.” What strikes me is that choosing to expose the discomfort and the ugliness of self within our relationships and daily interactions cannot be opened up unless there is a loving foundation there to hold what ever comes up.
“In that short 90 second video with Annette and Gabrielle, although the words spoken are very powerful, it is the energy between them, the way they look at each other, and the interest Gabrielle had in what Annette was saying that was far beyond the words.” I can totally relate to this Natalie, the loving space that Gabe and Annette allow one another is very inspirational and likewise so is yours and your partners commitment to bring more of this quality into your relationship. How confirming to see this ripple into other relationships beyond your own – as Serge Benhayon presents there is so much to be explored within our movements.
Totally inspiring Natalie, and I love the domino effect of how your 9 day program is having a positive effect on all your other relationships.
A great sharing Natalie, thank you. Being interested in and honest with another is the key to deepening relationships.
Since reading your article, i have noticed that when I take more of an effort to deliberately listen, and engage with conversation, something very beautiful happens within and between both people. Its like a chemical reaction X+Y–> or a blossoming flower ‘in fast-timespeed’… Its that X-factor or catalyst ingredient for relationships that makes all the difference.
People actually notice when you connect in a way that gives them full attention (listening) when they speak!
What a great sharing – your choice to look at your friendship inside your relationship. How many times does the tag relationship set us in a certain way that when truly considered can limit the potential for developing deeper the connection, commitment and understanding for each other. Thanks for such a great inspirational insight into being honest and loving with yourselves and each other. So much additional support seems to open up and be available when we hold each other and ourselves in this way.
Since reading this blog I have noticed how I have been listening to people and how what they have to say is actually interesting – it seems that the moments I spend with people who I have just met seem to give a feeling like we know each other already, and people seem to be more trusting.
What I bring to the world is what the world is going to be for me.
Beautiful and truly inspiring Natalie – you say ‘I have noticed it is also having a domino effect on other relationships in my life. I can’t help but bring a greater interest to everybody I meet in my day now, and it is changing how others are towards me.’ – This is my experience too, there is immense power in letting people in i.e. seeing them and allowing them to see me equally. This changes the relation completely and makes it a potential for true connection.
Yes, Eva. Letting people in makes life very rich and joyful, so it makes me wonder why I ever kept everyone at bay!
I never let people in, and I did not allow people to truly see me, as I hid behind my invisble glass walls, my protection…. no wonder my world was very small!
I realised today in a conversation with my housemates how much I lace the way they are speaking with my own understanding of situations rather than truly feeling into what they are expressing – not the words, but the tone of voice and the intention behind what they are saying. For example, I can get judgmental about people or situations and when someone else is expressing a truth I might feel it as a judgement whereas it isn’t, it’s simply an expression of truth.
A great realization Carmel, something for me to ponder on as well, especially the part to truly feel into what people are expressing – not the words but the intention behind what they are saying and not to lace it!
So beautiful what you have exposed here Natalie, and yes I can feel how I go ‘at life with an agenda’ and with a drivenness that totally excludes others around me. Taking the time to be fully attentive is building not only a connection with the other person but with myself. When I am truly listening this includes listening to me and my body and this allows a true connection with the other person.
When we truly listen to someone we offer such healing. True listening is fast becoming a lost art form as people project their own agendas and ideals. Listening without judgement or any kind of need allows the other space to be held in love, and it is in that love that issues and problems dissolve. I love Natalie what you have brought here in this blog, deeply powerful thank you.
When we constantly want to interrupt, only part of us is engaging in the meeting. When we are truly connected, things often proceed more leisurely.
Life gets more interesting when you are interested. The more love we express, the more love, after perhaps an initial hiccup, we receive.
Life certainly does get more interesting when you are interested… the connections, the love and deepening of friendships and relationships makes life so much fuller.
Very beautiful Natalie, thank you for sharing this with us
It is so easy to take the other for granted, or even worse: to feel disturbed by another. But is it really ‘the other’ im not interested in? When we connect deeply we get confrontations and confirmations – both are supporting our development. Every relationship – be it in a partnership, with the person on the supermarket checkout or family members – is an offer to get reflections for my own being and an offer to expand and grow. So, if I am ‘not interested’ on another, is it not that in fact I am avoiding evolution?
Life is full of depth and meaning when we appreciate in full our divinity and live our true way.
Being open to receive life changes everything. It never ceases to amaze me, the depth of understanding and wisdom on offer.
I am currently in the process of getting to know somebody new. It has been a wonderful experience so far because I can feel his genuine interest in me as a person. I am so sure of who I am and of how I live that I have a great deal to share. What is interesting however is that I can catch myself believing that my way is the only way, therefore I may not be taking an equal interest in who he is or the way that he lives. I am constantly reminding myself to look out for this, and our relationship feels very different when I give him the time and space to express what is important to him. Very often this ends up being in line with my understanding of life, just presented in a different way. By taking an interest I allow the process of moving towards unity.
Love what you share here Rebecca, and have also caught myself in the past believing my way was the only way and even the best way…..which of course just limits the space and the potential of what another offers and brings to the table, not forgetting that it limits my potential too!
It’s so common for us to feign interest in someone in order to get what we want. What would happen if we were to take a genuine interest?
There are many interesting developments that you describe in your relationship, that came about from your choice to become more interested in your partner. I imagine the world would be a better place if we all did the same. Thank you for this wonderful insight Natalie.
This is a very timely read Natalie, as just the other day I was fortunately called out for interrupting a friend and I realised just how much I have done that in almost all my relationships, especially with my wife and daughter, not allowing them the space to express and wanting to just fit in my two cents in a way that was needing others to be a certain way to fit my picture of an ideal relationship. This feels really awful, but is a necessary step, I feel, in order to let go of this pattern. What you have shared here is awesome and inspiration, as I look forward to working on the same kind of program myself. It’s wonderful to see how this had a ripple effect to other people in your life too, and shows how powerful it is to simply hold others in a different way on an energetic level, without even saying a word, and have such a huge positive effect!
Reading your blog, it raises the awareness of how often we can or have been mechanical in an exchange or conversation with another… talking and yet, other thoughts come along that remove you mentally from the conversation you are having. And no doubt, this can be felt in both … Being interested makes you fully present and committed with another, and from this, a deeper aspect of the relationship emerges… a connection that is deeply caring, loving and considerate of another. Qualities we are actually all looking for in another and within ourselves.
“…not going at life with an agenda…” Absolutely! As this sets up expectations and experiences of being let down by these agenda’s, and along the way, one can miss out on the enormous magical moments from the connections felt in relationships.
Everyone has to be caring enough about themselves first so that the reflection of love is felt by another, then we can build true relationships!
Since reading your blog myself and my wife have given a greater amount of time to really connect and share how we are feeling along with the space to listen to each other, its quite remarkable the difference this makes and shows that no matter what new things come along in life, holding true that interest and communication is key. Thanks for sharing.
This is a truly heartening and revelatory read Natalie, thank-you. Deeply appreciating your words here on how our relationships can truly transform: “…just by stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda.”
We needn’t be ‘perfect’ in this, need we? And we actually won’t be (from my experience)… Dropping our expectations and agendas in regards to how we need another to be offers us tremendous learning – and as you’ve shared, a richness in our relationship that can only deepen. The key is our willingness to be so open – to seeing what’s going on, deepening our understanding and essentially our capacity to love. That we may see another for who they truly are, and not a role they play in our life and our needs and demands around this.
What an amazing expose on how to deepen ones relationship. To sit down and truly start the conversation about wanting to be more interested in your partner. Working on how to deepen that relationship and being open about how you were feeling. Very inspiring.
To notice things which are beyond our usual accepted view of life, brings so much to us and those around. Bringing this to relationships allows space for the joy, the understanding and the magic which can only be called divine.
Nothing could be more fulfilling than understanding another deeply as it is the greatest form of love!
So awesome that you were wanting a truer expression in your relationship Natalie, and asking a really difficult question about your relationship. Not many are brave enough to go there so thank-you for choosing to bring/be more for us all to know there is another way that makes the relationship a truly loving one and not just comfortable.
Relationships never work when it is about “me” and my opinion all the time. I have been there and my opinions over the years have shut my partner down and I did not even realise that this was happening. This also played out for all my other relationships. Sharings such as this, Natalie are gold to read for all of us as we are all in relationship in our daily living.
I can feel the deep importance this has in relationships, we bring so much of our own hurts into the conversations we are having, to not be hurt again, to protect and shield us from the harsh world. While how everything works and how everyone is feeling things is actually very interesting and inspiring to get to know. It is about letting go of our protection and let people in, listening to what they have to say and stay with that.
This makes me think of how many of us have people in our lives that we see constantly, yet do we really know them? We could be seeing them every day and saying the same old polite phrases but not actually learning anything about who they really are, how they really feel, what is important to them in life… and surely we’re missing out on so much by getting stuck in the same old ‘hi how are you, fine, yeah you?’ scenario… and not taking a real ‘interest’.
Reading this really highlights and exposes how awful it is to talk to someone and being able to feel that they are not interested or that during the conversation they have already formed a counter argument before you have finished speaking – we all do this, so this seems to be a worthwhile exercise to look at how much of us is invested when another speaks.
The first reaction is where the ‘what is not’ in a relationship can enter – if you can catch the first reaction and deal with this in the understanding that all else only followed as a chain reaction from this issue, it can be dealt with a lot quicker and more effectively.
I can relate to the situation of people starting to include you in making decisions when you show genuine interest in what they have to say. It reminded me of writing an expression of interest letter to a company when I wanted to connect with an organisation I am interested in working with.
Without an agenda or a need to be fulfilled, I am often surprised by the intimacy that can occur with another.
So true Zofia, being interested in another is like holding a space in which trust can develop. You may not agree with what they are saying but if I listen with no judgement usually my understanding of them grows.
I was interested by your comment Natalie about making space to connect and can immediately feel how that is created when I am interested in what the other person is saying rather than what does the conversation have in it for me. But I also identified where I can use my interest in another as a way of hiding and not sharing my self to the same degree. So perhaps a balance is needed.
These are awesome questions Natalie, ‘Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?’ I have found I can use this blog to remind myself and ask myself these awesome questions. To be completely honesty most of my conversations and interactions with others I realise have come with an agenda, which then does not allow the space to connect but it feels imposing because it comes with a need to be recognised or heard. Wow, very exposing and huge lessons to be learnt here. Thank you Natalie, for this inspiring blog. I will keep coming back to it for support and as a gentle reminder for myself to learn to truly connect with others. To let go of recognition, any hidden agendas and allow the space to just be me, feel and appreciate I am divine just the way I am. This dissolves the need for recognition by celebrating and appreciating who I am and therefore bringing all of me to all my interactions with people.
We hold onto the hurt of not communicating and expressing with each other and cover it over with pleasantries, tolerance, often with a some undercurrent of bitterness and resentment. To own up to the truth that it takes only one to initiate such communication is a great step forward and to be persistent and move through the old hurts and the emotions wrapped around them is a remarkable clearing for both people and all subsequent relationships.
You can actually visibly see someone relax and open up and drop their guard when they feel truly listened to and supported and understood.
“Life gets more Interesting when you are Interested” – love this title Natalie, it’s really worth re-reading and reflecting on, and enjoying the fact of this… it’s inspired me to do an experiment like you did, but with people in the office for one day, and see what comes up! Because it feels (and is) such a beautiful way to build relationships.
Natalie, yesterday i was reminded of your great post about “being interested” , as i interviewed a candidate, and as i connected more to the fact that i was (genuinely) interested, i felt her align deeper and deeper with me, and joy spread across her face as she shared her background, smiling. It got me thinking that in my job of Sales, about sales training involving exploring and developing this “being interested” aspect when doing our people-relationship job, and how crucial it is to just explore and examine this…because it / the rapport produces amazing and long lasting results. It builds trust from connection. “Be interested” – so simple and just so brilliant.
‘Those 9 days were at times confronting when we realised that a lot of the time we were indeed just in it for ourselves, trying to make the other person see our way, or totally fobbing off what they had just said in favour of the way we saw it.’ What is identified here about coming at life with an agenda is spot on. When we share something with our partners (or anyone, for that matter) are we really looking to have a meaningful, equal, delightful exchange or are we simply wanting to have our own views confirmed or have somewhere to dump something – an issue, or problem?
There is a lot to be said for just listening. That quiet space in you that allows another person to speak. This creates moments between people, and is one of lives most sweetest joys.
‘Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?’ Great point Natalie, self interest is killing our relationships.
‘Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?’ So spot on this way that most of us communicate, making it about ensuring that we get heard, that we get our ‘timeslot’ to express and be heard, meanwhile we have not truly listened or heard our partner. I love the simple process you have shared here in this blog, and that is to take more interest and truly listen to our partners and then all others, a win win!
In my personal experience, relationships actually get quite boring when they are not lived with any evolution of commitment to going deeper with love and understanding of each other. Evolution is the only way to make a relationship truly work.
We do not allow the volume to come through and miss the evolutionary opportunities that are available to us when we are with another if we do not take in the other, listen and value what they have to expressing.
If we do not bring our all to one then we are not bringing our all to any. I used to think that I had a great relationship with such and such and not so just with this other, this was not so, as I now realize, but how easy is it to kid our self that this is the case?
It’s actually quite comical that we choose to be in a relationship but spend the whole time trying to convince people or prove something or get ourselves heard and understood. It’s like we are saying ‘you need to see the world the way I see it’. We spend so much time trying to get people to be like us that we miss out on getting to truly know the person we are in relationship with. I love this blog because it blows this way of being out of the water and offers us something much more rich and interesting and loving.
Everyday now I find new ways to appreciate and listen to other people regardless of the situation. Your blog is an invaluable support in deepening our communication and connection to one another, thank you for sharing.
I have visited this beautiful blog three times so far and it has supported me to be more vigilant with being fully interested in listening to others and allowing myself to feel all they are communicating. Also I myself have brought a deeper level of sharing to my communication and expression – sharing more openly and honestly. Thank you Natalie.
“Life gets more interesting when you are interested”… How absolutely true this statement is… Theres engagement, connection, understanding, learning, discovery… making life so full and abundant.
If we bring an energy of ‘ho-hum, boring, yawn’ to our partners, our relationship suffers as a result. If we tap into and recall the beauty that drew us to them in the first place, can we not transform our attitude and feelings towards them?
It’s a wonderful question you ask here Natalie: how can we not be interested and delighted by our own partners? I know for myself it is all too easy to go into the functionality of life with my husband and forget we were partners and lovers first, well before we were people negotiating life together. I really commend you and your partner for working with this issue and having the brave conversations together. And it was wonderful to read that your 9-day program produced tangible changes, including that wider, ripple effect. Find your partner interesting, and find everyone interesting – gorgeous!
The love and delight, as you say Natalie, between Annette Baker and Gabrielle Caplice is never not evident. Every time I see them it is there in bucket loads! They have clearly identified as important, and nurtured and grown, this way of being with each other and continuously reflect that to the world just by the way they present and live. And as you also point out Natalie, they are never not interested in others as a result – every time I see them, be it for a brief conversation or a relationship session, I never feel anything less than 100% interesting to them and 100% loved. A very inspiring duo.
How many of us go into a relationship or friendship with an agenda, to make it about ourselves and our own needs. I have done this in my life and it was uncomfortable to realise my own behaviour. Life is a journey and having my behaviours exposed is a blessing, because then I can truly listen to myself and my motives and bring it back to genuine interest for another person based on love and not on my own agenda. I shall apply the principles of taking an interest and see where it takes me! Thank you for the inspiration.
I watched that video too, and was touched and inspired by Annette and Gabe’s connection which was plainly there to see and feel. I love how you were interested enough in your partner to take an interest in taking it deeper and hence not making it all about yourself. People love to be listened to as well, so taking an interest and truly listening to someone makes for deeper intimate connections.
It’s so common for us to be in relationship for what we can get out of it. But how can this be true relationship if we make it all about us?
The loss of interest on another does just reflect me my ‘lost of interest’ on my own unfoldment. The other is always a reflection for me, where I am and what is calling next. To avoid this connection means avoiding evolution. (And that is avoiding evolution for all of us – not just me, because we are in fact all connected and one. So what I do to me, I do to all.)
I love, love, love the title of this blog “Life gets more Interesting when you are Interested”! It is so true. When I am interested, curious, truly looking, letting people in, truly feel me and them AND our truth, where we are coming from and return to, our belonging to the Universe…all of this makes life not just interesting but meaningful.
Quite of often when we are in a conversation with another even before they have finished we have decided that we have a better view or the answer to their dilemma, all be it from our own perspective. What a difference it would make to truly listen to someone without forming our own view or trying to interrupt and cut them off so that we can have our say.
I love that fact that interest in your partner and in other in life can be in every single moment shared, in every word, movement, action and their simply beingness.
Love the law of unintended consequences.. how a programme to build a more interesting relationship with your partner actually starts changing all relationships.
The interesting thing is to be truly interested, without wanting to know things in order to compare yourself or to control things, truly life becomes more interesting and vivid.
I love the program you and your partner put yourselves on. I am putting myself on a program where I truly listen to everyone I interact with leaving “what’s in it for me” out of the equation.
We can always deepen our relationship with self and others.
The title of this blog says to me what I have also understood from the teachings of Universal Medicine, that it is our inner quality that can change things around us. You have said that “life gets interesting when you are interested”, talks about the magic that happens around you when you make a commitment to changing yourself within or your approach to people. It is quite amazing.
That is just gorgeous. What a way to live, listen and engage with people.
One of the highlighted points for me is how we can go on cruise control with people. We get to some level in our relationship and then think that that is enough effort, commitment etc. But what ever isn’t evolving is not only stagnant it’s also going backwards. No wonder we get unsettled and think something’s not working. All relationships are so very worthy of growing and deepening, because they are about people.
Natalie I love the program you set up with your partner – what a beautiful way to take a relationship back to the foundations and really focus on each other. You are right that one of the most common downfalls of a relationship is loosing interest – when really – we have an opportunity to forever deepen who we are so how can that not be interesting?
This really did make me look at my relationships with people and remind me of the importance of being present and with people all the time.
Natalie I love what you share bringing a whole new level of intimacy in relationships; being interested in another without a hidden agenda or having a need. Connecting to their essence and appreciating them for who they are and what they bring.
I am blown away by what we can learn in relationships, such as all you have beautifully shared.
How interesting that other people have started including you more, now that you know how to listen and be part of the conversation. I know that doesn’t sound like a smart thing to say and seems incredibly obvious but I know so many conversations where that was exactly what I felt. Either they didn’t want to include me and I had to keep trying to bring the conversation to include me by talking about myself, or they didn’t stop talking about themselves so we were less inclined to include them. It is very powerful to stand outside that situation and observe.
Natalie, I always remember the saying the grass is greener on the other side. Whenever I read your blog this comes up, as at the same time I always felt if you took care of your own grass every time it does not matter what is on the other side! The same goes here, I can really feel how we miss out on the relationships we always want as we are the ones that don’t often put the effort and commitment to truly connect and be open to the other people in our lives.
Many relationships fail because they lack true commitment. They are entered into out of in ideal or picture. Perhaps it is the trophy wife, or the ideal of a perfect little nuclear family with a white picket fence. Perhaps it is the thought of security granted by a doting husband. Whatever it is, all too often we find in relationships that there comes a point when we get sick of playing a role, as does our partner – and things invariably get stale. But the hard truth is that they become stale often not because we fell out of love with them, but because we never fell in love with them in the first place, but fell in love with an ideal. And all ideals in time have a habit of coming undone.
I find it quite incredible, the spin off of the focus you brought to your primary relationship, and how this affected all other relationship you have with other people. Bringing a richness to the primary relationship certainly brings a richness to all relationships, How very beautiful and expanding this is.
Your title ‘Life gets more Interesting when you are Interested’ makes so much sense – a ‘no brainer’ as they say. However, it is by wasting so much energy constantly going into our heads and ‘thinking’ (disconnecting) instead of connecting to our hearts and being open to a deep sense of ‘knowing’ that we end up feeling exhausted and fall into the trap of believing that life is too hard which opens the door for lack of interest to creep in.
A great example of the ripple effect our actions can have – how the changes to your behaviour that you made in your relationship meant you were making them elsewhere and how those same new behaviours started unexpectedly to come back at you. Goes to show that everything has an effect on everything, not just on the focus of our attention. Knowing that brings true responsibility.
As a child, if I ever complained about being bored, my mum would say ‘only boring people get bored’. She did not mean to put down a person, but she was alluding to the fact that it is the energy that we choose that makes us perceive the world as we do at that moment in time. So when we are bored, it is about the energy we have chosen that makes us see things as boring. Likewise, what Nat has presented in this blog is that if we can genuinely bring interest to what we are doing or who we are with, we will find a whole new world open up for us – one that is full of the beauties of unfolding relationships with ourselves and with others. Nothing boring here!
Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it? Great point you make here Natalie, as this statement is very relatable for many I would think. We seem to be more caught up in our stuff, which stops us from seeing the real person right in front of us, in their amazing, under whatever it is we are bringing in to the situation that covers that, and we say, this is the person. Stories really do stop us from seeing the real person and disconnect us from our own gorgeous selves.
‘it almost felt like a breakup talk – like how can you not be interested in your partner?’ – That’s so true Natalie, it is absurd to think that we don’t listen to our partners or take interest in what they have to say so often! Many couples live like this and never talk about it, so it’s really important that you brought this up.
Yes, and quite a sign of courage.
I love this blog Natalie. It feels terribly disregarding when you feel someone is not listening to you and is chomping at the bit to say their piece which usually doesn’t fully really relate to what you were saying, but instead attaches to one bit like a dog with a bone. It is far more interesting, supportive and evolutionary when someone is actually interested in what you are saying and the potential depth and breadth of where the conversation travels becomes limitless.
Today I experienced how beautiful it is when people ask with true interest how your holiday week is. I’m used to rush over the question, but this time I was far more honest and shared the joy I experienced as well as where we went. It felt very lovely and also new to me that people do keep listening. It’s so honouring to myself, to the people I shared my holiday with and to the one asking me with true interest.
At a Universal Medicine retreat one year we were asked to get into a group of 3, 2 women, one man and to appreciate the man in the fullness of who he was, a son of God and an absolute divine being, whilst staying fully present in our bodies. It was hugely profound and I’ve taken this into my life holding those I meet in this way, in the magnificence of who they are, no matter what they are saying. It’s made an amazing transformation to all my relationships to actually stop and take the time to feel and listen to another so when you share that life gets more interesting when you get interested in it, I completely agree. For I notice everything about that person, how beautiful they are, how graceful or sweet they are, what they are feeling and sensing, it’s a very wonderful delightful thing to behold which I know is felt by the other and allows them full permission to be all they are.
I keep returning to read this as it seems there are some fundamental points covered that if put into practise affects the quality of our relationships with anyone. This point here seems a crucial step to recognise and change if we want true changes to happen “Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?” I have felt in myself and with others this happens more than we realise, so is definitely a question worth asking. Thank you Natalie.
Thank you Natalie, your blog has given me an opportunity to see that I go into many conversations with an agenda. This can only stand in the way of true connection. If I allow myself to truly be interested in what someone else is expressing I receive a huge blessing and an opportunity to understand more about life in general.
What a great way to be with each other, I am going to practise this today at work and see where it is about me or where I am truly interested and am fully present with what somebody is sharing with me. Thank you for the inspiration.
Yes it’s a great practice and it will show us truly where we are at with others in our daily life and interactions. Very inspiring and something to get into and observe.
A very inspiring sharing Natalie and so supportive for all relationships to read and know. I also know the joy of being and sharing with Annette and Gabrielle is awesome and their reflection is inspirational for humanity as is all you share here and the more we listen the more we receive and open to others blossoming as we do.
How often do we have an agenda or hurt that gets in the way of being close. How often does even conversation come without it being loaded with the self as a priority. It is interesting to ponder this one, interest in others is a willingness to be open and appreciate their essence, the divinity in others, this naturally means that we also do so in ourselves….which maybe where the ‘lack of interest’ comes from? Are we willing to be interested and appreciative of ourselves?
I am interested in people, there is something precious about connecting with people and feeling the quality that they share with the world. With relationships that are around us all the time, there is a habit we can go into of not appreciating what is being reflected. It is a great plan to put ourselves on a program to practice ‘interest’, why not, it felt great what you uncovered and appreciated in doing so.
The eyes are the giveaway and gateway in all communications. I rode a large motorcycle for many years. There are only two types of motorcyclists; those that have crashed and those that will! It took me years to join the-have crashed group. Eye contact, or in this case the lack of it speaks volumes of intentions of other drivers to cut you off or pull out in front of you. The amount of time I heard ‘Sorry I didn’t see you’ was a typical response. Being connected entirely with your eyes will always open up any conversation before a word is spoken.
I love the title: Life gets more interesting when you are interested – brilliant! It is so easy to complain about this or that, but if we do in fact take responsibility and truly care about what is going on around us and pay attention to all the little details, life starts to have a richer flavor and becomes so much more enjoyable.
“Do we have that delight and appreciation for each other in our relationship?” What comes to mind when I read your blog Natalie is staying in the awe of what is on offer when we are in true relationship with each other. That we don’t just settle into feeling mundane, but we make the effort to stay connected and generally interested in those we are in relationship with and this act in itself develops and deepens intimacy.
When being interested is an expression of love, it is wonderful.
I have found this such a supportive blog Natalie and one that I am daily reminded of when I interact with people, always holding that inner question over my motives and attentiveness when engaging with others. Thank you for sharing and look forward to hearing more pearls of wisdom as your interest and intimacy with others evolves.
When we get ourselves and our agendas out of the way, so much more space is created in discussions where we can understand what someone else is saying and be supportive to get to a unified consensus at the end. An argument can so quickly dissipate if we let go of needing the other person to ‘get’ our point of view – without this need I’ve found that I argue less and less in relationships and instead have more supportive conversations.
This is a great blog, as it exposes how relationships are often laced with ideals and beliefs and expectations. And from this comes the reaction. Reaction again causes reaction and often triggers hurt. So to learn to not react is gold as it changes every relationship deeply.
When we only think about ourselves we cut ourselves off from others – – and then wonder why the world excludes us! It makes total sense therefore, as it is the polar opposite… that connecting with others, putting yourself aside means we enjoy what others and ourselves ‘bring to the party’.
When we don’t make it about ourselves but connect with what is true in life, connection with the divine, with who we are there is space to get to know each other and evolve.
Natalie, I love this blog. What you share is so simple and practical, and makes perfect sense.
It’s been life changing for me to feel how I’ve used protection and guarding to hold myself back from truly connecting with another person, as well as to feel how this lack of connection hurts much more than whatever ‘risks’ might be taken when I choose to be open.
I have found that it’s important to take an interest in myself in order to know myself well enough to relate to others. But I have found that I can also become insular and self-important if I am not careful. I love the reminder here that taking a genuine interest in others is so important, and that relationships are not all about me or what I can get from them. Why have a relationship at all if it’s only going to be about me? A gorgeous call for true love here which feels like an important evolutionary step.
Life becomes incredibly beautiful when you open it up to be not just about you but about everyone – it’s almost impossible to go back to living only for you once you’ve experienced it.
When we understand that intimacy with everyone is our natural way, we also get to understand just how far from our natural way we have chosen to stray.
“Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?” I love this question you raise here Natalie and am noticing this behaviour more in myself when with some people and am feeling it is a way of protection. Thank you for bringing out into the open and I will continue to observe.
‘Offering full attention to whatever we are doing or to whoever we are with, is the simplicity of divinity in action’ such a seemingly simple thing to do Simon and yet it feels that the world is almost either permanently distracted or disinterested.
Natalie thankyou, this is a great topic and very foundational to relationships – are we genuinely interested? We bring in so much complication into relationships, however being interested in one another feels pretty simple – even though we often don’t do it. It also feels like a truly gentle way to be with people. Very inspiring..
Thank you for sharing this, Natalie, it is inspiring for all relationships both new and old, it helps me to reflect on whether I am truly listening with full attention or am I lost in the world of my own thoughts and agenda.
The simplicity of what is shared in this article is humbling and inspiring and it has felt to me like a deep honouring of myself as an integral and important part of a bigger picture. No one of us can develop without the rest of humanity so to be engaged and interested in all of our interactions (relationships) is our responsibility.
This is a great example you have offered with your choice of a 9 day program, as a way to work on any issue that we are presented in life. Set ourself a program of a specific number of days to observe and explore that topic.
I loved reading: “We started to open up more and more, being very interested in each other, supporting each other in whatever was being shared and not bringing our own stuff into it.” Wow, imagine what the world would be like if instead of each person trying to force their own views, we supported each other to truly express. This is a game changer.
Being interested in another and others is very powerful. Truly listening to them and understanding their needs is very healing for both parties. If we have not felt we have been met, it is a blessing to initiate this with another, for when we feel how powerful this feels in our own bodies, it heals the hurts we hold onto when we have not been met as children, hurts that we carry with us when we grow up. All it takes is self-responsibility to give this love back to ourselves through our interactions with ourselves and with others.
Before any words are spoken, there is already communication in energy between people, and when there is openness, the expression and communication between us can be very powerful.
The old saying familiarity breeds contempt is a horrible part of what many experience in relationships. It would seem to come back to how we treat ourselves. The more deeply and consistently we appreciate what we bring to life, the more space we find to notice others, feel their innate beauty and sensitivity, which we all have, and appreciating another becomes a natural part of who we are – It has struck me also this quality experienced with Gabrielle and Annette how it is a natural part of who they are and not a put one role that they do. Offering full attention to whatever we are doing or to whoever we are with, is the simplicity of divinity in action.
I just love how there has been an amazing flow on effect from the deepening of the relationship with your partner; how you can feel that the new depth of connection you have with each other is now being felt in your relationships with others. Another beautiful example of the ripple effect and a reminder of the responsibility we have in this world as to the quality of these ripples.
So true – how many times are we in an exchange, a discussion or a chat just for ourselves, to get our point of view across, to persuade and have things our way. And what intensity and misunderstandings that can engender; it makes me wonder how many times we are actually truly open to what another is sharing?
Self-appreciation and confirmation is key to arresting the negative and false recrimination that can otherwise consume us, creating comparison and jealousy and impacting on all our relationships. and from living in appreciation of the truth of who we are and what we bring, we can see and appreciate the beauty and the truth that we can equally see lives in everyone .
This relationship and engagement also applies to ourselves, if we are in constant dismissal and devaluing of oneself, then what kind of reality are we creating in our lives and interactions with all others.
Beautifully said Annie, no wonder so many of us are seeking a holiday from life when we haven’t even ever allowed ourselves this interest and appreciation. If we just stop rushing around we might find there is a lovely person right here, underneath just waiting to be hugged, dressed up, nurtured and tenderly embraced.
I really appreciate what you have written here Natalie, and can see how important that genuine interest is to any relationship, partner or not. As well as this I have experienced the reverse of this particularly with male friends where in order to create a more open conversation I have to give more of myself to the discussion. So even though sometimes I feel my life is not that interesting and not worth sharing I bring up as much of how I feel as possible as an openness to allow the other to also feel they can share. While this is not always necessary I can feel how it is the holding back that stops the connection. So whether it is listening or talking, it is all about giving all of me to whatever is happening.
This takes away blame instantly and instead puts the onus on us. It clearly states here by example that we can no longer point the finger at another but look first at our role in what is being played out, particularly in relationships. How many people in the world, if really honest, are currently in a relationship for just themselves? I can definietly put my hand up to this, thankfully this is starting to change though with what I am willing to see and change and with the support and reflections from Serge Benhayon, the Benhayon family and Universal Medicine.
There are so many subtle and not so subtle ways agenda can be brought into our communications with others.
It is often the people that we are closest to that we neglect to take the time to deeply connect with. My husband and I are making more of a commitment to spending time talking to each other about what is truly happening for us and it feels as though our foundation is more solid. Thank you for reminding me how important these connections are.
I agree Anne and I feel we do not only neglect those closest to us but are also far more abusive to those that are the closest to us.
And this too – “Those 9 days were at times confronting when we realised that a lot of the time we were indeed just in it for ourselves, trying to make the other person see our way, or totally fobbing off what they had just said in favour of the way we saw it.” If we applied this to all our relationships, no matter who we are in touch with, connected or or engaging with in our daily lives, this will make such a profound difference if we truly start by listening taking ourselves out of the way first.
What a commitment you have shown for each other Natalie – “we set ourselves on a program for 9 days to find out – to be interested in each other, to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.” A true commitment to evolve within your relationship, awesome.
This is such a lovely reflection – “I can’t help but bring a greater interest to everybody I meet in my day now, and it is changing how others are towards me.” When we are interested in truth, others feel it and respond accordingly. Life becomes so much richer.
Having read this article a couple of times now I am finding that I am reminded to really listen, pay attention and be interested in what others are saying, and what I am finding is that it does not matter what the subject is there is so much more is being communicated, and it feels like the quality of my presence and being with that person is richer.
We can listen to each other with our bodies as well as our ears – remaining open and feeling the energetic conversation that is taking place allows us to understand more and react less.
To really feel and understand who another person truly is when they are is expressing is one of the keys to connection.
In truth I absolutely love people. The fact is that sometimes I cannot be bothered, for whatever reason….too tired, too much stuff going on…and as a result I give nothing and I get nothing back. When I choose to make life about people first and make that connection, usually, not always, people open up and share their beautiful exquisite selves, their stories, their lives. In this I am confirmed in my love of people, we are all gorgeous, and we are all worth that quality and time.
When we focus on ourselves it feels like our perception becomes impaired and we loose the capacity to feel and receive everything that is going on around us. When someone is talking and I shift my focus away from me I can perceive so much more of what that person is offering that just the words.
It is hilarious, but I had the constant complaint towards my partner that he was not telling me everything that was going on in his life and that I often heard about stuff in conversations with friends of what was happening on for him. What I had to realize is that a lot of the time I was not listening when he talked and that this stopped him from sharing as he felt not heard.
This is such a great observation Natalie and it is something I really had to learn in my relationship, to listen to my partner. And it is amazing what he has to share and what I miss out on when I don’t fully listen, not just pretend but actually allowing it into my heart all the way taking it on board, really feeling it and then responding from there if necessary.
This blog Nat is just as Divine as you and your beautiful partner. I can relate to all you have shared and also feel the absolute truth in being truly interested in what someone is sharing and all they are feeling around that. It deepens our relationships the more we allow ourselves to surrender to the other and let go of the self invested interests. Plus I have found that people are just so fascinating and interesting, each carrying their own beautiful stories and qualities. I love discovering all this as a person is speaking.
That stepping back in life and giving ourselves the space to breath and allow things to just be is such a great exercise to practise. I know when I get fully involved in something and absorb what is going on I feel the tension, contraction and it all becomes a self absorb situation. The more I observe and allow things to just be the way they are then I feel this has a huge impact on the way I feel, spacious, posture feels taller, engaging with people and a lot less tension which I am slowly letting go of.
It’s so awesome to have reflections of true partnerships like Annette and Gabriele’s and yours, Natalie. True partnership doesn’t mean that it has to be perfectly in harmony all the time. It starts with bringing the willingness to come together and build harmony where it is not expressed and further deepen its expression.
It is well worth uncovering every tension, hurt and detail that is not true within us and between us and others to make way for real magic, true relationships and the natural potential presented.
We can easily carry our hurts and prior experiences with us throughout life if we are not careful, serving to colour our next moments and choices..
So true, and then we can just stay in the old pattern of reconfirming what we already ‘knew’ instead of being able to choose freely our next moments.
Some great questions are raised – how much of our relationship with others is about us and what is in it for us rather than the potential on offer between us?
Very exposing blog, and worthy of consideration. Thank you.
What a great sharing Natalie, You’ve got my interest!
Since first reading this blog a few days ago, I have been putting into practise being more interested in people and what they have to say and I am finding that any walls of protection that are still there between me and the other person are crumbling down. Thank you so much for sharing this gold.
Reading the title of this blog again made me smile, as I feel how lovely it is to listen from our hearts. There’s a holding love, a wonderment, a togetherness and often evolvement taking place. Being within our hearts and connected to our body when we’re interested in others. Such a different way of being with both myself and others. So much appreciation! And joy!!
Such a great awareness to have – who and what is it that is more interesting in any conversation: is it all about me or is it about us both equally and the bigger picture that we are actually part of?
Natalie, its so awesome that you decided to go deeper with your relationship with your partner, and look at what was stopping you both from doing that as most people would prefer to accept how the relationship is and not rock the boat.
I agree Julie it is refreshing to hear about a couple who are willing to continually look at and deepen their relationship. So often we just settle for things in relationships and allow them to stagnate and we fall for the belief that same same is ok. But deep down we know that nothing stands still for long and there is a pull or an itch to continually deepen our relationship with ourselves and others.
Our lives occur on so many levels it up to us to connect as deeply as we allow ourselves.
The day-to-day care and loving attention to one’s partner that Annette elaborates upon in the short interview clip is so important to deepen and maintain intimacy. Through maintaining that in our close relationship(s) enables us then to express that level of care in all our relationships.
I just love this blog. I just feel this is such an important point in our relationships and interactions. We all crave being met and to know we are worth the time and space – and this is something we take for granted in close relationships, yet expect much from the other. I love the way you and your partner have grabbed the inspiration and committed to going deeper with each other. Very inspiring indeed. Thank you for sharing.
This is absolutely lovely. It is huge to feel that we can bring adoration to our every interaction if we choose it.
Thank you for sharing Natalie. I love how by sharing the things we learnt in life in blogs like this so many other people can be inspired to do the same or something similar. That is how we grow together as a humanity.
Natalie, since reading this article I have been observing how I am with my partner and what you have written here feels true for me, ‘Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?’ Since becoming aware of this I have bought in more understanding and have been listening to what my partner is expressing more rather than just trying to get him to see things my way, I listened to Annette and Gabrielle’s presentation and found this deeply supportive, already I can feel how mine and my partner’s relationship is changing based on me being more understanding, interested and supportive.t
Have you noticed how many people these days seem to be more interested in their phones than the person sitting opposite them at a cafe or out to dinner? I have been acutely aware of this lately and wonder where we will end up if this trend continues.
The title for this blog is so spot on – life really does get more interesting when you’re interested, and it’s amazing the difference our attitude and choices can make to our experience of what happens around us. 2 people could live parallel lives but they could feel totally differently about life depending on how they choose to be with themselves and what quality they set for their relationships.
“I have noticed it is also having a domino effect on other relationships in my life. I can’t help but bring a greater interest to everybody I meet in my day now, and it is changing how others are towards me”. What a wonderful discovery you have made, Natalie, by taking the trouble to develop a deeper interest in your partner, you now find you have a much deeper interest in others, and with the result that they now treat you very differently. It is so worth our while to give our full attention to people we are interacting with, that way they get all of us during that period. And you have shown the unexpected result in how they now treat you. Beautiful. How worth while it is to be that way with everyone.
I remember social gatherings from the past where questions were asked but in truth there was no interest at all in the response… it felt so empty and there was no true connection. It is great to bring attention and honesty to the way we are communicating with each other and if we have a genuine interest in others or are just filling in the space.
I love this blog Natalie, it is very honouring to truly listen to another and allow the space for them to express, and equally it feels the same when another truly listens and appreciates us in this way.
Hugely inspirational blog Natalie! I realised this disinterest is at the seat of a reaction I find myself going into when my partner and I talk sometimes, so love what you share about the program you made together.
I love the title of this blog. Of course! If we are not interested in life how can we expect it to be interesting? Likewise with people. If we are not interested in them how can we form a relationship? If we are only interested in ourselves we may as well just have a relationship with ourselves and not bother with someone else. Reawakening our naturally inquisitive nature is key. Without it life can be quite dull.
Natalie, what you share here goes for so many relationships in life. How many of us are truly interested, open and connected to the people we talk with or is it all about whats in it for us. This is something that I feel inspired to bring more awareness to and see how it changes my everyday relationships.
Beautiful article about letting people in. Everything else will take care of itself when we do that, and life gets so much more valuable.
It is interesting how we all want our relationships to grow and flourish and yet without the basic foundation of communication and being willing to look at all areas where the relationship may not be so strong, we can quite easily hit a brick wall.. Being willing to keep the communication going and being honest especially if we think we are avoiding certain areas, is vitally important so that we don’t bottle things up and then speak from reaction.
No matter where we deepen our connection it is always universal.
This is a great blog, how simply we could strengthen all relationships if we stop making it all about self this and self that and just listen and be more open and interested in what another’s got to say.
When our focus is on what we want from the other person we can never really listen as our need and not the person is in the centre of interest.
This blog has been really helpful because I am finding that now I am paying more attention to the level of listening I do at work and at home with my family. I have been clocking how interested I am in the conversation and to what extent I am truly listening.
Thats a really great point. The true interest in the other. I realised how the connection changes when I listen to another person really connecting to them in their essence. The appreciation for who they are is far beyond what is said and the interest is in their essence first and with this what is said is held in this appreciation and it stays as their expression. It is very beautiful to realise the truth of listening.
This makes me ponder on the number of times I have found someone uninteresting and even boring to be around. Or those times there enters a dullness or drab into the relationship. It is interesting how we tend to seek in these moments some form of outer stimulation to keep the interest going instead of deepening more how much we let the other in. For instance one case for me was tending to seek to watch the TV or a movie when with my family because I found being with them a bit uninteresting at times. We used to love our TV watching but it was just there in this instance to fill the void of not deepening our love of each other and ourselves.
It is inspiring to read how focusing on the communication and deepening the connection with your partner, has had such an impact and “… a domino effect on other relationships in my life…”.
To share how we feel with another is the simplest recipe to deepening a relationship. It is never about dumping on or blaming another, nor about playing small and taking the ‘blame’ – but the simple act of sharing how you really feel, with honesty and no holes barred, reveals and taps into a power incomparable to anything but the deepest love that resides in each of us.
Being interested in people brings such a human touch to relationships, it makes it real, respectful and very much ‘there in the moment’ when you’re taking interest.
What an awesome topic Nat about being interested in each other, and a great program to put yourself on, very inspiring of not just those in relationship, but also those who are single, like me, — how interested in people are we, how open (or closed) are we towards them… in my job of recruiting I know that when I’m not taking a real interest in finding out about someone in their career for whatever reason (which is quite rare since I love this aspect of ‘interest’ in my job), then I note the rapport change/changing instantly, and that the interview is hard, and my mind wanders. When I catch myself doing this, I bring myself back, and the interview re-sparks.. and I find interest in them, because of the re-ignition in me.
I also love the impact your undertaking the interested program had on the rest of your relationships, it is very inspiring.
I know the interview you speak of and have had the pleasure of working with Annette and Gabe, their interest in each other is tangible and very obvious as you describe. I can learn a lot from them and yourself in allowing that innate interest in the other be there as it is naturally we just get super complacent thinking we know what the other wants, knows etc but we don’t and they deserve the respect to have your attention without the need for them to be different as you shared.
This blog could be key to many relationship problems – whether they be relationships with a partner, a work colleague, a friend, a child a neighbour.
Beautiful blog Natalie. Whilst reading this I could feel how in my interactions with others, I’ve not been that interested. I’m looking forward to experimenting with what you share.
Thank you for sharing Natalie. There is a great lesson for all of us in this.
We all know how much it means to us when someone shows an interest in who we are or what we have to share, and equally how much it hurts when we get ignored or dismissed. We do seem to have really lost sight of keeping connected to each other as a result of all the different ways we are able to communicate with technology. But to take a true interest in someone and give them your full attention when they are speaking, can literally change someones day. Nothing can replace the quality of connection when we are met in this way by another.
What a learning for every relationship! Often we come to a discussion with partners or friends and already have in our minds what we want to express, then stick to it whatever. As you say, wanting everything to be from our own point of view. Perhaps we feel safe with this, but the protection makes us less able to truly communicate on an intimate level. To be open requires surrender to whatever comes up, and to take a step back from the personal issues we create, and really listen to the other. Thank you for sharing your experience Natalie, I am feeling how it can change my relationship with whoever I come into contact with.
Everybody has their own life story. And every story counts. All those moments that people really listen to me, are very dear to me. As if I’m completely accepted at that moment, often allowing space to accept myself on a deeper level. And likewise when I’m interested in somebody else. I’ve heard the most incredible life stories from people. Experiences that I wouldn’t hold for possible. So I wholeheartedly agree that life gets more interesting when we are interested. Which is actually our nature…
I recently read about this restaurant that was struggling to make money. They couldn’t work out why their numbers were down when they were fully booked most evenings. They got in some professionals to analyse the situation. These pros looked back at all the old CCTV footage of the restaurant from five years ago (when they were making good money). And they timed the time it took for customers to order their food five years ago, compared to today. It was three times faster in the past, thus the restaurant got more covers through the night. Why? Because nowadays everyone was sitting at their tables engrossed in their mobile phones, not connecting with each other and not getting round to looking at the menu!! I tell this slightly left field story as an explanation of how disconnected and dis-interested from each other we have become.
Stop and listen. And watch the world open up.
I’m inspired by you being inspired! How cool that 1) you didn’t go into comparison with regards to someone else’s relationship and 2) you actually were dedicated enough to step up. You hit the nail on the head with so many points – why do I react, what’s behind it and is it serving our relationship (the answer to that one is ‘no’ btw!). Much to ponder on and thank you for writing this inspiring piece.
How often in relationships do we make it about us – I want a man who is tall dark and handsome, who makes me laugh and listens to me and loves me – but in these very normal thinking patters, there is no consideration of what they want, or what we can offer them, or how we can relate to them. What your showing in your blog is the power of stopping and taking the time to really care and be interested in those around us.
It is quite surprising how we often see friendship as something that sits outside our intimate relationships but friendship actually is best walking side by side and interlinked with our intimate relationships as it is part of the foundation and allows for much deeper connection in the sharing we can have with another.It keeps us interested!!
Nat- I love your blog- it is allowing me to ponder and look at my own relationship with my husband and whether I am truly interested in him and what he has to say or whether I only want things my way.
The reflection that comes back to us from life is truly a wonder of God!
I love what you have shared Natalie, especially the part about going about life without an agenda, very wise
I love that bit too Joe – and the feeling of not having an agenda is so expansive in my body, like letting go of an enormous burden.
Reminds me on all the entertainment and adventures the ‘modern man’ is looking for…it has to become more action, more excitement, more, more, more – thereby the true adventure lies in connecting to each other deeply and ensure that we are evolving together.
At a previous job I used to feel frustrated when I was very busy and staff wanted to talk to me and I perceived that they were going over the same thing for too long or not getting the message but I had not made the space to be fully present with them and to connect with them while I listened to what they had to say. Having also experienced this the other way around I know that it feels awful and so I know just how important it is to be there fully for people in this way, to make space, allow time, be interested and to connect.
I love the fact that you put yourselves on a 9 day program to take an active interest in each other. What an amazing amount of love and dedication you have brought to your relationship.
This blog has has deepened my awareness of how I relate to others and for that I thank you Natalie.
There is a simple wisdom in what you share Natalie. Everything we are or do is centred on relationships, either with ourselves or others. And if we give absolute attention to one relationship, as you did, it impacts on all others for good. And the opposite applies when we don’t. Whether at home, alone, with family, or friends we are relating. Being truly interested in another (all others) means we show our love by staying present when they speak, not drifting off into our own worlds, not pulled to move on to the next when something does not suit us. This programme of deepening our communication, truly listening and hearing and quieting self goes far beyond nine days.
Thank you for this sharing Natalie. I just twigged this morning that this is the missing ingredient in healing some of the closer family relationships I have. We so often just pay lip service to listening to other people, asking them questions about their lives so that we can actually speak about ourselves. And so with thanks to your revelations and experiment, it has given me a new tool, a new way to honour, cherish and deepen all the relationships in my life. Thank you!
Thanks, Natalie. I too have put myself on a program to observe when I make life purely about self, and when I hold the bigger picture and my love for others equally. To live life in a way that is always trying to get your own needs met, to get your own way all the time, being concerned about how things are going to affect you etc feels empty and heavy in the body compared to the lightness of being and joy when we see the whole of life and everyone in it as equally important and divine.
Listening is never a passive process, it is the other half of successful communication.
‘I have noticed it is also having a domino effect on other relationships in my life. I can’t help but bring a greater interest to everybody I meet in my day now, and it is changing how others are towards me.’ – So true Natalie.. It is commitment to every moment in life.
How rare is being interested in others, in today’s world? There is the dog eat dog; that prevails with ‘what is in it for me’ attitude that is prevalent today. We only need to look around at the people tapping away on the electronic devices, what has happened to the face to face contact? Are we living in our Platos cave that we built? Are we attempting to live life through our devices? Is this not the same living our life by watching TV and never leave the couch? How can we be interested in anything except ourselves when we avoid physical contact with others?
To actually truly listen to someone without wanting to jump into the discussion with our ideas or excitement but to let the other person finish even when we know we already have an answer or a suggestion takes time to develop, but the quality of the conversation is felt and a deeper connection is possible. It makes sense that when we are interested in what the person is saying they can sense it and can feel that they have been listened to.
A truly beautiful side effect of working with ourselves and bringing more love to a particular relationship is the domino effect that you speak of Natalie, a great example of the fact that everything is energy, and that love cannot be contained, and must flow out into the world.
When we express love to some people it makes it much easier to express love to other people as well. This is quite unexpected.
Well, I can’t say I haven’t been given the tools to develop true love and friendship in all relationships. Thank you Natalie and thank you Gabe and Annette – super powerful and inspiring!
Natalie you have offered a pearl of wisdom in this short blog. Allowing ourselves to appreciate ourselves and another takes away all the defensive behaviours we otherwise might go into over small details … I feel that truly appreciating and being interested deepens our enjoyment not only of each other but everything.
Truly listening to another is almost a forgotten art – a priceless treasure freely available to all!
What I love about this blog is how it shows us what an enormous difference making one simple choice can make in our daily lives “I have noticed it is also having a domino effect on other relationships in my life. I can’t help but bring a greater interest to everybody I meet in my day now, and it is changing how others are towards me.”
This is a brilliant question to ask ourselves “Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?” Just imagine what the world would look and feel like if we all did this!
Thank you Natalie for sharing on this topic, I have noticed when I open up to share, I am also more there and interested with what the other person is sharing, when there is no agenda on my part the other person feels truly heard.
Our relationship with our partner does not exist in isolation. It is a mirror of all of our relationships, as we work on any relationship, it is reflected in all others. And of these there is none more important or with the greatest effect on the others, than the one with ourself.
There’s a saying that ‘women can multi-task very well’, however, I can definitely say that this no longer applies to me!!! I thought I could chop vegetables and talk at the same time, seemingly not if I am fully present with what I’m saying. I can walk and talk, but anything that requires more co-ordination just doesn’t seem possible! I used to be able to multi-task quite well, to do this, I used to run on autopilot and wasn’t actually present in much of what I was doing. It seems that this can also apply to conversations, I know I can catch myself going into a pattern with a certain conversation, usually when coming from a hurt, however, when we feel genuine interest from the other person, without judgment or any attachment, it invites us to open up, peel back another layer and to be honest, rather than simply repeating what we have said many times before, like a stuck record.
This has been a hugely supportive blog for me Natalie, thank you. I have been paying more attention and awareness to how I communicate to others since reading this. Practicing expression without imposing, without needing others to agree and without judgement. This has been hugely supportive for all my relationships. I realise now how often I been communicating especially to my family from a reaction and hurt instead of communicating clearly just from being connected to me first. From this I am working on building a deeper connection with myself to allow a more open and loving relationship with others.
Chan Ly this particular line that you shared ‘ I realise now how often I been communicating especially to my family from a reaction and hurt instead of communicating clearly just from being connected to me first’ really stood out for me. In a flash I was able to feel that my communication with my immediate family is often covered in barbs. I communicate from a place of need, of judgement, of expectation, of disappointment and critique. Sure not all of the time, as more and more I am able to communicate from a place of love but what is becoming clearer and clearer for me is that when we communicate from a place of ‘not love’ then it’s much less likely to serve either us or the other person. I am not saying that we have to agree with everything anyone says or does but simply that when love is the underlying foundation of our communication (including dissatisfaction and disagreement) then there is potential for expansion, whereas without love as the base, the situation is doomed to be one of confinement.
This is beautiful and very powerful Natalie, how all relationships can transform with this simple tool of really listening and being interested in what another has to say, allowing the space for a true connection and a deep appreciation of each other and their qualities.
It becomes a vicious cycle if we are not communicating with each other with genuine interest, one person starts to withdraw or react, which sparks the other person to defend or withdraw and protect and so the cycle begins …. I love having this exposed so clearly and I’m now much more aware of how I am in my conversations with people, interestingly, it seems to vary greatly depending on the situation, time of day etc ….. there is certainly much to learn from this.
I feel that I’m acutely aware of other people’s level of ‘interest’, that’s what I clock first, rather than the actual words. I can feel myself withdrawing when I sense a lack of interest and the protection starts creeping in. If the other person isn’t genuinely interested in me, why are they asking me these questions ……
Brilliant to feel what you are sharing – thank you Natalie. Something that is truly meaningful in communication is to be fully interested in what a person is feeling and saying. I know that look Gabrielle has for Annette you are referring. It is a look that confirms what is being shared is the most precious and important moment in the universe, a holding of the space with love so everyone’s heart is open and truth flows through the connection. I’d have to work very hard to feel hurt or rejected when the space to be held like this is offered.
Over the last few days I have been experimenting with listening more, with asking about others and I have to say more than anything what it has exposed is how much we, or should I say I like to talk about myself – it can be hard to admit, but I have gotten to feel the pent up energy in me that is just waiting for a gap in the conversation to bring something up rather than feeling what is needed to be said.
It’s so easy to get self absorbed focusing only on what we need, but to read how connecting deeper with your partner bought deeper connections with everyone else is something to deeply appreciate.
It is so important to never take our relationships for granted and to continue to evolve together and that applies to all relationships and not just our partners. My husband and I have always shared openly with each other but as the years go by we find the quality of our sharing keeps deepening as does the trust we have with ourselves and each other. As you say this in turn rubs off on all our other relationships and interactions. We have verbally committed to each other that our relationship is not only about love, but very much about evolution and I agree it certainly does get very interesting!
Being interested in others for me is, what truly meeting them is all about. Really taking the time to be with someone fully when they are talking and not being distracted by other things, tells them, they are worth your valued time.
I have always been intensely interested in people but was brought up with “don’t be nosy” so have had a tension there between the two. Connecting and being interested, and the quality it is done in truly takes things to a much deeper level very quickly.
It’s as if when we hold back any tiny part of the love that we are in an interchange with someone else; we are leaving room for something to creep in to separate us and cause discord. In order to have a true relationship we are required to stay connected and bring all of us unreservedly to the table.
When we connect with each other with a genuine interest in the other person, we listen with our hearts, not our ears.
Thank you for sharing Natalie, this is seriously groundbreaking. The experiment that you and your partner have done I’m sure would be very exposing for all of us, and through pondering on what you’ve questioned as to how much of the time we are LISTENING in conversation and how much time we are just trying to get our point across I realise that I do the latter quite often! I’m really interested to observe this further.
I feel like I have abandoned a lot of self over the years, but it is interesting to see and feel how easy the me can creep in and try and take over and manipulate even the smallest thing. When this occurs there is no true support and holding, or indeed interest, in another.
After reading this article yesterday I found that I was listening more intently to my work colleagues and my clients, and genuinely being interested in what they are saying, instead of half listening and doodling during the morning meeting. Lets face it we all know when someone is actually truly listening.
Yes, it makes an enormous difference and we have more energy, too!
I agree Natalie, the more we are interested in others and the less self absorbed we are in our selves the deeper our connection becomes and the more interesting life becomes. Why because we get to learn more about the other person and we get to appreciate them more. Feeling and watching another person grow and appreciate themselves is priceless and very rewarding.
Thank you for this article, Natalie… it is clear and simple and gives me great inspiration for working through the tough or clunky moments in any relationship to allow for change and learning.
Thanks, Natalie. I love that you and your partner put yourselves on a program and committed to putting this aspect of the relationship under review, rather than going into blame and judgement of what (as you proved) so easily could be changed. Having an openness to ever-evolving and deepening is key to a healthy relationship and is very inspiring, as you highlight in this blog.
‘Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?’ Great question and something I will observe and reflect on in my day. There is so much offered for us to understand here, the effect of our unresolved hurt and our own need for recognition on others in our interaction with them.
Such a great example of how when we bring more to one relationship we bring more to every relationship.
What determines a deep conversation is not so much what words are being said, but how we are there with all of us.
The detail in communicating between people offers such an intimate connection, no wonder it transforms the relationships we have with everyone. An awesome sharing Natalie, thank you!
More interest, more love, more expression, more truth, more love!
Thank-you Natalie, for this is great insight into how much more we can connect with another when we express true interest by truly listening and how that keeps the relationship flourishing. No switching off when the other persons talking, no already working out what your response is going to be, no reaction, just allowing the other to feel open enough to truly express, and it’s only natural that it would also build trust and honesty within the relationship as well.
I have to be honest and say I catch myself in some conversations being interested, but I am listening with a filter to catch the bits that interest me…. Interesting reflection to see the micro judgements that are taking place and obviously I’m not then fully present, and it becomes a measured life then as I’m not open to accepting all that is being offered.
Hmm… A great reflection, thank you Natalie.
It’s really amazing how willing the both of you have been to actually go there. That requires a very high level of commitment, firstly to yourselves and then to each other. Working through communication like that is such an amazing exercise to do, and you don’t need to be seeing a councellor for years on end to make things work. The dedication and willingness to look at our individual stuff that holds us back from just allowing life to be, is really key. And when we need help with that, then there is always support there waiting for us.
Ooooo, ‘…not going at life with an agenda’. That’s a big one Natalie! How often do we come to a conversation with someone with an absolute angle of manipulation to get them to see what we see, to convince them we are right, or that we know better. It’s a bit of an illness really, how desperate we can be at times to be stubborn and stuck in our ways.
What a gorgeous example you have given us Natalie, ” just by stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda.” That rang a bell for me and I can see I do that especially when I see something to be done. I will put myself on a program….
I am very inspired by this article, I am interested to actually clock how interested I am when others are talking, I love exploring these little things as I know it can only expand and deepen my love for others. I watched the link and was very touched by the space Gabe allowed Annette while she expressed, just beautiful.
What do we allow to become more important than our relationships, both with ourselves and others? I allow work, my ‘to do’ list, my ‘need’ for perfection. When we choose to make life about love and people, the distractions and complications we create get exposed for what they are.
This blog has inspired me to look more deeply at how I am in relationships – am I really there appreciating and supporting the other, or is there another agenda at play, such as the ME agenda and wanting to get my say in! Thank you Nat!
Being interested in another is not having any sort of investment in what you want from them or the relationship. You see them in their truth from your own self love and acceptance, and just love hearing them speak/express within that deep holding. True love in its absoluteness.
This is an amazing simple and straightforward blog Natalie!
So many times we do bring in a personal agenda when we communicate with another, or we are only half there (whilst actually thinking about other things) and not fully listening to the other, and in so doing not really showing full respect to the other nor ourselves. But in doing this we actually are not asking to go deeper in the relationship, we are wanting to keep things superficial, and not grow nor evolve as a person and as a couple.
Some people could also argue that that degree of presence and listening to another word for word and really being there with another is an “intensity”, and could say that the person is ‘too intense’. However, to me today, this actually represents the other not really wanting to get to a deeper level of intimacy, which in the end is what we all seek deep within. With intimacy here I am talking about baring our soul – just being super honest and sharing exactly how we feel and how we are with another. To say no to intimacy and say no to deepening a relationship is something that asks of us to deny our deeper essence, and when we say yes to intimacy, it asks us to review and revise everything and learn to look at things from a different light – something that can be very confronting to do, but yet so very worthwhile!
Thank you so much for the inspiration offered here with the changes you have brought to your relationship!
Thank you Natalie and what an awesome project to embark on and an inspiring one to take into any close relationship where we want to go deeper and evolve our love for one another. It is such an empowering awareness to see how much we make life about our own personal agendas and not really about other people. What a revelation to actually stop, appreciate that we do care about our partners, friends and family and truly stop to pay attention to them. Annette and Gabrielle are superb role models, they have dedicated themselves to developing their love and intimacy in their relationship, something that is very evident in their interviews. This is definitely an experiment to put into practice with all my relationships, a palpable way to deepen my care, connection and interest in people, which strangely enough does include me because the more I focus on listening to and appreciating all the gorgeous people in my life, the more I internally do this for myself, expose more of my self agendas so that I can get them out of the way of true relationship.
It was so inspiring to read about the changes you and your partner noticed in your own relationship as well as your relationship with others, simply from taking more interest in them. Such genuine interest is a challenge to take the relationship to a deeper level.
After reading this blog yesterday I chose to bring more of my presence to all my conversations. A simple conversation with another brought such joy just because I truly listened and was interested. I realised in this that I can sometimes be in a conversation and use it as a filler rather than truly connecting with the other person. This is such a simple choice that carries very powerful outcomes.
I have experienced talking with both Gabe and Annette together and separately and have experienced being on the receiving end of chatting with them and feeling them deeply listening and being genuinely interested in what I have to say. At first this made me a little uncomfortable because I wasn’t used to being so met to the extent I felt with them and I could feel it brought up my self-worth issues. Now, I really love it and can feel how much they let me in by offering this. Although I have felt this from them, I hadn’t really clocked what they were doing – truly listening and being genuinely interested. I can feel the expansion that this offers and I am inspired by your blog Natalie to practice this myself as I can see the healing it offers.
A very insightful and powerful blog Natalie. Thank you for sharing – love how you deepened you appreciation together. Tender care and attention paid melts away anything we may have between us. We can only come back to love.
Your blog Natalie has inspired me to look at the level of interest I have with every person I am in contact with and to feel deeper into the times when I am waiting for them to finish what they are saying so I can speak, or am I genuinely interested. I can feel that by being genuinely interested opens up a much deeper level of intimacy and the opportunity to let people in.
Such a simple observation, Natalie , but oh so powerful for all relationships. Time for me to step up again i think!
Hello Natalie and I went straight and watched the link to “Annette Baker and Gabrielle Caplice called: How do you have communication without reaction?” I found this 90 second video pure gold and so simple. Thank you for sharing it in your article.
How inspiring, Natalie. It is often just accepted as the destiny of all relationships to settle into a cycle of tolerance and declining interest. Yet, there is another way, and to address not what is going on in our significant other, but what is going on for ourselves in all relationships which can break through and reignite the interest that we thought was gone.
I really love the tile of your blog Natalie, because its about shifting the focus away from ‘us’ and the excuses we can make about being too busy, and making it about the people in our lives. It’s inspiring to read how you have deepened the relationship with your partner and how this has had a knock on effect with other people.
This reminds me of when I used to be trying to do other things while my children were talking to me, often with my back to them because I was cooking or doing some other chore. I now make sure I give my full attention or stop what I’m doing if possible so we can talk properly, and this follows with any conversation I have, whoever the person I am talking to.
Wow Natalie, a simple yet very powerful blog that gets us to look beneath the surface of our everyday conversation. Great question – ‘how can you not be interested in your partner?’ But as you say the signs are there in the way we want to get our point across or are distracted rather that showing a genuine interest.
After reading your blog yesterday Natalie, I practiced being more interested when someone was talking to me. I don’t mean in a forcing kind of way but in a way that I give them my full attention. Turn to look at them, make eye contact and engage with them. I realised also how often I was multitasking as someone was talking to me. I found it difficult to fully engaging when I felt I just wanted to get the job done, it felt like I don’t have time to give them my fully attention as my mind was elsewhere. I often do this with people close to me. But what I realised here was that I then miss the opportunity to truly connect with the person before me. What I found hugely supportive was to first be aware of what I was doing, stop to connect to myself, this doesn’t have to be long only a split second and then feeling connected to myself I connect to the person talking to me. What happens then is that whatever I was doing isn’t the main focus anymore but the communication between myself and the other person becomes so much more meaningful and we both leave feeling met and understood, bringing quality to our interaction allowing space to expand instead of allowing time to restrict our quality of expression.
I feel deeply inspired by reading your blog and I know that this will be one of the subjects at our dinner table tonight.
As you say sometimes it can be hard to face the reality that in actual fact you are not feeling really interested in your partner – how they are and what they do and say. But how often in life have we been taught to listen only so we can work out what to say – life is always outside back in rather than from within out.
‘Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?’ What a great question to ask and something to really have a close look at in all my relationships. Being interested in people is the foundation of truly caring and loving people.
It is nothing short of awe inspiring to see someone truly appreciate another and the beautiful thing is we can all live this if we simply choose to. Thank you for this gorgeous blog Natalie.
What a powerful program! I think that I am going to put myself on this. Knowing Annette and Gabe and spending time with them I feel the absolute interest that they have in each other and how this transpires to everyone. Hugely inspirational. Thank you for your sharing Natalie, it has got me pondering.
What a simple way to deepen with your partner.. how beautiful.
I loved reading this Natalie, and it has inspired me to notice and address these sort of things in my relationship. Overtime we tend to take for granted our partner and stop seeing the wonder in our relationships
“I have been shown that we can actually have this with everyone, just by stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda” hmm, not going at life with an agenda…. I wonder what that would feel like … and how different relationships would be when we aren’t trying to make it a certain way.
Yes, being interested and being open together is beautiful.
It is great to stop and take a step back and look at the quality of the relationships we have with our family members. Do we allow ourselves to be treated by family members that is unacceptable or are we behaving in manner to our spouse that we would never do in workplace for example? Taking greater care and attention of our primary relationships has a big spin off effect on every person we come into contact with.
Super beautiful Natalie, what a learning you and your partner committed yourselves to by just being open to observing what was actually happening in your relationship. Truly, fully, actively listening to someone when they speak without going into thoughts, conversation and pictures in ones own mind is a very powerful tool that not only allows the speaker to ‘feel heard’ but allows the listener to really hear and bring understanding to what is being said. This is massive and yet so simple, the key I feel is in the willingness to be interested but also in developing a movement and relationship within your own body that allows for the space for another to just be themselves. Divinely gorgeous blog and a wonderful way to explore life and relationships all together. Thank you.
Natalie what I got to feel from reading your article is how I pigeon hole people, those who are worth listening to and those who aren’t. I have different levels of willingness to listen, depending on what category I have placed that person in. Awful isn’t it.
Instead of reacting to the feeling of how far we may be from a way of living with each other and ourselves giving ourselves space and starting a 9-day program is a very lovely thing to do.
It shows that the only way to have a truly loving, deeply intimate relationship with another is to not make it about yourself, but about sharing all of yourself in full with them and the world.
A great title Natalie and very true, when we are interested in what someone is saying, life is far more interesting. Since reading your blog I have been listening to people with more awareness of each word that is spoken and not letting my thoughts wander, really taking care to listen, and this is so much more enjoyable, I can feel the deeper level of commitment shared in the conversation, it really does make a difference.
A lovely sharing, it can be a real ouch moment to stop and admit that in listening to another I might actually be looking at what I can get out of it. Beautiful to clock this and just stop and appreciate where another is at and be honoured that they feel to share their feelings with me, this is great to be aware of and something that can be practiced with everyone we meet. Thank you Natalie.
I love what you have shared Nat and especially how the simple choice to be interested in your partner has expanded all your relationships. This asks me to ponder what I bring to the relationships around me and am I bringing an agenda, do I wander off and not stay truly connected to the other I am sharing with. There IS something very powerful in this about truly holding the other in an energetic and loving embrace as you openly receive all that they bring.
I have loved re-reading this and feel deeply inspired. It is so easy to pay ‘half-attention’ to what someone is saying while instead giving full attention to the other person, as displayed by Gabe in the interview, brings true intimacy. Beautiful.
I really enjoyed reading this and it brings it home how often we can have conversation with our partners or others and only half listen to what they are saying, whereas what you have described here is a deeper level of listening which enables us to read more than what is being said with words.
Natalie, this is wonderful to reflect on, ‘My partner and I decided to have a look at our friendship within our relationship’, I love how you do not just accept the relationship as it is, that you actually work on it and deepen your relationship – very inspiring and beautiful to read.
Natalie what you share here is world changing, we often “think” we get bored of a person or a relationship and so move on but as we are all equal sons of God then how is that possible? The simple possible to consider is that its not possible to get bored of someone when we truly connect with ourselves and that person, there is an infinite well of wisdom inside all of us, how great to explore that together with another?
I love the wonderment felt from your sharing Natalie. Which made me feel my own wonderment. To me what you’re sharing here is absolute gold. I know how amazing it feels when people truly listen and connect to me. I’ve only recently started to express to people when I can’t connect to what they’re sharing. I used to be quite judgemental in those circumstances, but I’m experiencing that quite often it’s me in the way of feeling what they’re actually sharing. Thank you deeply Natalie for sharing on this important topic. Incredible actually if you come to think of it, how little interest there is / is shown in the world. How different could life be…
Gabe and Annette are two people who have dedicated their lives to working out what it is to be in relationship and they are like that naturally with everyone. I am inspired by them as I am by so many others who give it a go to love from their heart in what can be a polar opposite world.
What I’m also feeling as I read this is how much neediness there can be in our communications with one another, and how this is us making it about what we need and not what the other person, or whole relationship needs. We may ‘think’ that we’re meeting the other person by wanting to connect with them, but if there is a neediness in craving the connection with them, because we don’t have this connection with ourselves, it’s not a true connection and there’s no real intimacy because we’re not being honest with ourselves.
Thank you for this! I love the idea of that program and can see how valuable it would be for every relationship, after all, how can that be kept to just one person?!
I absolutely love this. It takes the self interest out of any relationship and makes it about love.
Yes, Natalie, I have often observed Gabe and Annette with pure joy because it is so obvious that they are both living in a way where LOVE is the bottom line, and no personal hurts or dynamics are allowed to have free rein for any length of time. Of course there is no perfection in this, as life has its challenges, but their dedication to continually working together to bring their relationship to a greater point of truth is super inspiring.
It’s interesting and quite incredible to feel how our relationships, connections and life itself expands when we get ourselves out of the way, and make it about the bigger picture – wanting to truly understand and meet the person, where they are truly at instead of where we might want them to be.
Great sharing, how important it is to appreciate each other. I know when i did not appreciate myself or my partner i would get caught up in the self and it was a constant struggle. Through Universal Medicine i realised how important it was to appreciate myself and my partner. This just changed our entire relationship, where we both are there for each other, we make time to listen to each other and appreciate each other. We found just this alone changed the whole dynamics of our conversations and connection.
I so know that one going at life with an agenda and getting people to see my point of view – Then I came to realise that this doesn’t actually work. Not one interaction felt true or harmonious and by the end of the day I was exhausted and felt empty. I wouldn’t have truly felt this if it was not for Serge Benhayon and the teachings of Universal Medicine. Here I was presented with Love and had a marker of what is true and that I too had this very same quality within me too.
A very interesting blog and I listened attentively to every word expressed and now feel I have a connection to who you are and I am the richer for it. Thank you.
In my relationship with my wife I have also found my best friend, being interested, supportive, understanding and accepting of each other is a learning process but provides an awesome foundation for an evolving relationship.
Gab and Annette are an incredible inspiration for all couples. The shift in themselves individually and with in their relationship in the last ten years is a tribute to them both. Thank you for being the shinning lights you are.
It is so important that we actually hear what the other person is saying and really take it in. What I notice happens a lot is that we want to add or tell our story instead of giving the person the space to express, be met in their expression, be heard and be confirmed.
This is definitely the way forward if a relationship is to succeed and deepen and evolve into something really special. Showing that you are actually interested in someone is very much worth it when it not only enhances your relationship with your partners but all others as well.
And the beauty of feeling someones interest in what you have to say is that you also feel the support of their love and care.
Awesome, inspiring blog Natalie- you have given me an opportunity to deeply ponder on what does it mean to be truly interested in another and share true intimacy with that person without an agenda or any self interest.
“Is it over yet? Can I move on with this thing I absolutely must do?” Essentially this is the internal dialogue and attitude I have always had when someone stops me to share, or to speak. The funny thing is as you show so steadily Nat, the destination and goal I am always rushing off to is one I will never reach. Because the joy and love I truly pursue can’t be found this way at all, but lives in me valuing everything that is right here right now. The more I do this the more I can see I am surrounded by people who are precious like jewels.
Natalie even though I read your article yesterday I did not fully appreciate the depth of meaning in the title but re reading it today ‘life gets more interesting when you are interested’ it really struck me as very profound. It did also get me pondering though on whether that’s the case with all interest regardless of the subject matter, i.e. if I was not really interested in anything other than trains would life get more interesting or does it get more interesting only when we become more interested in life (and therefore more engaged)? I have the feeling that our level of interest is reflected back to us from whatever we are interested in, that’s to say that exactly the same amount of interest as we are projecting out, gets reflected back i.e. if I show mild interest in trains then trains will be mildly interesting but if I am fanatical about trains then trains will appear to be the most fascinating subject on the planet.
It’s amazing how much we can appreciate in others and in ourselves when there is no self agenda.
With interest comes a much deeper commitment to being completely with someone, and not wishing you were elsewhere, or thinking about other things. This is deeply felt by the other, and allows the space for a much greater trust and surrender.
“Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?” – this, I feel, lies in many relationships not only between individuals but also organisations and countries etc. and even when we self-neglect while striving for recognition, the same is happening within the person. We have come very very far away from the truth of who we are, the Oneness, the Brotherhood – and what you have opened up and shared here feels very necessary towards our true re-connection. Thank you.
Natalie, the impulse to actually “have a look” at the friendship within your relationship together, reflects your willingness to both acknowledge that there is more to what you are offering yourselves and each other.
I often find that when you take this step to observe and dig a little deeper, there is something that follows that may assist or guide you. As you have shared in this situation it was the short interview with Gabe and Annette on ” How do you have communication without reaction” !! No coincidence really that you came across this video and yes Gabe and Annette reflect a ” a delightful appreciation for each other ” and a love and friendship that we have all been touched by.
As you so beautifully share Natalie, this love and friendship that you and your partner are inspired by is also within each of us and requires only our committment to being open to seeing and feeling all that lies between and underneath what we deliver.
We then become those that inspire others to feel ” that we can actually have this with everyone, just by stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda.”
The domino affect of love in friendship is powerful !
Wow. Thank you. This is so basic and so important and so overlooked that we be interested in one another and what the other has to say in our relationships. How else can we ever be understanding of the other? I am feeling a bit exposed to come face to face with the superficiality of the way I relate to others.
A 9 day program, I really like the sound of that. If we have anything we want to see about how we live a program would be fantastic! Such is the beauty of the magic in life when we see it is bigger than our 9-5 job and our mealtimes.
Amazing sharing thank you very much! When we put in the effort to make changes like this in our life, and give our selves the space to really address things, this becomes normal and the rewards, like more connection, joy and harmony are seen on a daily basis, feeding us back the love we have claimed.
If we could approach every relationship in the manner you share Natalie, what a different world we would all share! I considered myself a good listener but as you mention often we have our own agenda that then taints the conversation too. To truly listen with an open heart and mind and no agenda. takes away that feeling of wanting to put my point across and therefore not being open to the other persons sharing. What a wonderful way to deepen our relationships with all.
It is a great honouring of and an act of love towards another when we are open to listening and hearing what one has to share. As in truth we are all here together learning, exploring life, healing hurts and in search for the truth, to return to who we are, to live harmoniously. To honour the purpose of our connection is to be open to all that we can learn from each other and as such bring a greater truth and joy to our everyday living which is then reflected through all our interactions thereafter.
The initial conversation is difficult and it does feel like a break up talk but it is when we can get past this slight bump in the road that we then have the opportunity to make the next journey a smoother one that brings more unity in the relationships and provides support for future bumps along the way.
Thank you Natalie for presenting this powerful opportunity to consider how much or how often are we simply open to appreciating what another brings to our relationship. As when we are not and invested in our own agenda we are imposing our beliefs and ideas onto another rather than being with the truth of who we all are in essence. It seems that if we truly appreciated the fact the we are all Divine here to return to live our Divinity together, we would be interested in all and all that life reflects to us, as it is only through our oneness that we can realise and live all that we are here for.
I love the honesty that is embraced in your relationship. Honesty is the gateway to truth through which the joys of love, that are ever-present, can be discovered, explored, realised, lived, and shared. This is the way to heal and restore trust in our relationships. Thank you for the shining example you are of how honesty when shared lovingly can ignite relationships and bring a deepening connection to love and truth. Very inspiring Natalie.
Over the years I have discovered that the more that I move myself out of the way the more I am open to exploring all that is on offer through the relationships that I share, and interactions that I am a part of. And that there is always something great to appreciate and learn from another.
This is a priceless blog, thank you. How important is it to look at number 1 (ourselves) first, before wanting or even expecting the world to change?
I observe when you are all there by remaining connected to you and your body to the best of your ability, and you know all what it is you’re bringing, and know what it is you’re there to do, equally for any relationship, your heart is open to feel and know what to do and how to be with another for the all that it is there to do.
Relationships are important, not only with your partner, with friends, work colleagues, clients, family and strangers too. Depending on what that relationship is is how you communicate just as long you are being all of you and appreciate that.
Thank you Natalie, awesome, awesome blog and brilliant timing for me to read. It really exposes a lot for me to look at and I realise what I have been choosing was not supportive. Reflecting on many of my relationships, being honest and willing to see that they have actually not all been loving or evolving, this is a big ouch! But worth bringing attention and awareness to this. The level of interest I pay towards certain relationships vary and therefore, I am not being equal to everyone. If I pay more attention to one person and less to another it is not loving because true love is not measured or restrictive but all encompassing, expansive and always evolving. I have been in a long term relationship and what you’ve shared is super, super supportive and deeply inspiring for me to take responsibility for how I communicate and all that I express.
Thank-you Natalie for sharing your experience in your relationship so that others can ask that same question. It felt very beautiful to read and acknowledge this can be a part of my relationships also. Loved it.
Natalie this is perfect timing and a great pondering. When we approach a relationship from the ‘what is in it for me’, there will always be issues. This stance also puts us in a position that our position is more right or is more valid than another. How are we to ever find harmony in our relationships if there is no consideration about anyone else. It’s not about compromise either, it’s about being in true relationship, where there is a willingness to be as open and honest as possible, communicating to the best of our ability, listening and supporting with all of our heart and not wanting or needing to fix or find a solution to a circumstance or situation and trusting ourselves and the person we are with. We can grow so much as people in our relationships, if we so choose.
I love the photo of a same-sex couple, I don’t know if that is you and your partner or even if you are a same-sex couple but what I love is that relationships are relationships and love is love. It does not matter what sex you are, what matters is how you are in the relationship. But so much of our marketing is setting up images of how love should look like and make you feel. I love what you share that you both took the time to go on a program and to deeply appreciate and be present fully (to the best of your ability) for each other and to take the ‘me’ out of the way. Inspiring stuff. I am not in a relationship with a partner at the moment but am in relationships with many – friends, work colleagues, neighbours and I am going to take my learnings from this and bring them into my relationships. Thank you.
Very true Natalie – thank you for sharing this with us. It is about connection all of the time , and so even though at times it is quite painful and uncomfortable to feel things within yourself it is worth feeling, letting go and surrender to yourself more and more and allowing others to see you and equally see them. That’s where the magic comes in.. Truly stunning.
This is a great sharing and one that makes you stop and consider your relationships and the parts where you may still hold expectations of how you want another to be or to respond to how you are feeling in a certain way etc. It provides the opportunity to look at how much we are really there for another without any conditions or expectations.
MW what you share here ‘ It provides the opportunity to look at how much we are really there for another without any conditions or expectations’ is huge as so many of us carry around a set of fairly rigid pictures of how we believe each person should behave. We hold our boss up against a picture, we scrutinise our partners and our kids according to the pictures that we cling onto. Everyone gets held up against our totally imagined pictures of how others should behave. If we were to screw up our pictures and simply let everyone be themselves then the world would sigh a sigh of relief.
As a parent, these questions are great to ask….”Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?” How many parents do we see acting this way, dominating, imposing and controlling of their children… I know I have done this too, and you have inspired me to truly look at my connections from the perspective of interest in others rather than interest in self. Thank you.
This is a great blog Natalie… it is really making me question my relationships – am I truly interested in this person, do I truly care?
That is real love right there, it is what we want the most in our lives and it is freely accessible.
This really exposes the quality of relationships and what our true agendas are within those relationships… are we in the relationship for self or are we there to be a loving reflection for each other, supporting each other to evolve?
“Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?” I would guesstimate that pretty much all relationships are like this in todays world… there are very few people who are genuinely interested in others – even those who act as though they are, usually have an agenda of some description.
Thank you Natalie, I like this. It shows that there is always a deeper level to connect and be with each other and that it has a lot to do with taking deep care of oneself so that once we are with people we are not busy with getting recognition but can take in the other in full.
When we do not hold on to our hurts any longer but make a deep appreciation and adoration for each other the foundation of our relationships we will lift up each other to greater dimensions of love beyond anything we could ever imagine in the dynamics of hurt and protection.
What an amazing program: ”a program for 9 days to find out – to be interested in each other, to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way, and to actually hear what the other person is saying and care about what it is they are feeling.” Really being present, without an agenda, without an ideal or a picture of how the other should be is revolutionary.
Looking at Annette and Gabe always touches my heart. The way they are with each other, the love is palpable and they share it freely with everyone they meet.
I love the intention you started your process with: “We wanted to look at why we react when something comes up for the other person.” If you both want to look at this situation, that is a deepening of the relationship in itself and look where it got you both. Thank you for sharing. I will experiment with this the coming days, also with myself.
It makes sense that if you are more interested in your partner this will spread to every other part of your life with other people, for we can’t be a different person in different situations.
I love what you are sharing here Natalie. Our relationships must continually evolve and never standstill and what you have shared takes a relationship to another level. I find Gabrielle and Annette so inspirational as well, as what they present is so real and simple and it always challenges my partner and I to go deeper.
This is very inspiring Natalie. It is so easy to go along with a relationship to keep it ‘comfortable’ and to not ‘rock the boat’, but who are we fooling really when we do this? If we are already thinking along those lines, then there is already something there that does not feel right to us. And by not speaking up, we are not giving the other person the opportunity to say how they may feel, and we can end up years later with lots of hurts all piled on top of each other having completely lost sight of how we really feel. So this feels like a great starting point, and something I will work on implementing into my own relationships.
I love what you have shared here Natalie. This is a gem as it captures the absolute power of the art of observation. First you were able to observe Gabe and Annette’s interactions, then you were able to observe what was happening in your own relationship and then you were able to take the step back and hold that point of observation in the moment to moment interactions with your partner, practicing and building on it and then you were able to take this learning into other relationships. All true relationships are built on the ability to observe . You have expressed clearly what happens when you actually do observe and not involve your self and thus absorb. Brilliant!
Yes indeed, Kathleen. Observation creates space to feel what is actually at play rather than jumping into reactions or judgements from our hurts.
It is so wonderful to be truly interested in what the other had to share as this is an offering for a true connection.
And when we do it is so awesome to feel and experience the depth we can get to with each other, so awesome.
Being interested in who or what is before us Vs ‘whats in it for me’ or to protect myself from feeling hurt is something I have been more aware of lately. It’s like avoiding the here and now with thoughts of being elsewhere slow me down and make me sleepy. Whereas when I make the effort to be with people I feel energised and I have experienced quite a few awesome moments now when meeting customers at work. Not much beyond the standard ‘would you like a bag? Or have a nice day’ may be said but the quality that comes with it is so vastly different compared to when I say it while thinking about somewhere/something else.
I know exactly what you mean when you describe how Gabrielle looks at Annette during this video. It’s very exposing for me too. A timely and inspiring read, thank you. And I love what you say at the end about how relationships become more loving when we don’t go at life with an agenda. So true and also very exposing for me!
To be genuinely interested in another opens a space with each other that invites a completely different form of connection than being in there only for oneself; it brings forth the potential that only is activated in such connection with each other. Before we experience it we actually don´t know what is possible.
Gabe and Anette are super relationship counselors because of the livingness of their own relationship. They do not offer theories or psychological reasoning but a true understanding and deep insight into human behaviour from their observations and deep level of lived love.
When we are able to let go of our expectations of each other, we are able to see the true worth of those we love and bathed in this light divine we see the Heavens and how they play, visible in our movements once more.
“…we can actually have this with everyone, just by stepping back a bit and not going at life with an agenda.”
These agendas we are so blinded by are the fog that obscures our vision of the way things truly are. That is, there is a divine Plan that involves us all and we each have an important part to play, but none of us can play it if we stand in our own way. Connection is the key, first with self, then others and God.
I love this domino effect that you mention Natalie. We cannot bring our All to one and not to all, otherwise it is not the All that we bring at all!
Thankyou Natalie, your blog is deeply insightful and has inspired me to look deeply at the ways in which I relate and communicate with others.
Great awareness! Communication is so key in our lives. Are we really listening to the other person or are we waiting to talk? Thank you for your blog and thank you Serge Benhayon for presenting another way to live that has totally transformed my life.
Thank you for sharing this, I feel how this interest frees up every relationship, and gives us the possibility to be who we truly are, as life isn’t about protecting our own hurts but getting free of them and seeing everyone for the equals they are.
‘We started to open up more and more, being very interested in each other, supporting each other in whatever was being shared and not bringing our own stuff into it.’ This sounds like a very simple way to evolve and develop a relationship… but I am now considering how practically all my interactions with others involve bringing my own stuff into it! To not do this must require a deep amount of dedication to know self first and what our own ‘stuff’ is before we can stop bringing it into every encounter.
Dear Natalie,
How important it is to be interested in life.
What a difference it makes. It is like taking our sunglasses off and truly seeing everyone with clarity. What naturally follows is genuine care and real connection and communication with others.
Thank you, Natalie. You raise a great point here about letting yourself really be with the person in front of you rather than trying to think of a reply to what they are saying halfway through their conversation. How different would it be if we all took a genuine interest in each other?
Excellent blog Natalie – thank you for opening up your relationship and sharing your unfoldment with us all. I have learnt much from your attention to detail with each other in the art of listening and being there for your partner.
Annette and Gabe reflect what a relationship can be like by the way they are with each other but I’m realising they are just reflecting what is possible in any relationship if you’re willing to deal with hurts and pay attention to the details between the two of you.
I love this Natalie. Going to another level of detail in your relationship. You’ve inspired me to pay more attention to how I am with people when I’m with them – somehow I feel it’s going to be a bit exposing!
Amazing Natalie this is inspiring and great to hear .. also in how it has a domino affect in all our other relationships when we work on just one. I have had a session with Annette and Gabrielle with my flat mate and also noticed how intimate, interested and tactile they are with each other. They show how relationships can truly be and are great in exposing how in areas of our lives we are currently not living this.
Thank you Natalie – this is great to read and shows me how we have a responsibility to be there in full with each other.
I’ve noticed how my partner can have a conversation with me and a phone at the same time, and how I have reacted to this by doing the same thing to others – so this is a really fitting blog to read and cut the distraction I was calling in to not feel the responsibility I have with another – to be present, but to also call out when they are not being present.
What are we saying with the whole body (perhaps not with the mouth) when we do not show any interest in our partner? Get lost! Not the best point to wish to deepen a relationship.
When we let our hurts hold us back from connecting with another everyone misses out.
Moving in togetherness requires at some point to make the decision to jump into the same swimming pool and start honouring the fact that you have to swim now.
But Natalie, it’s also very inspiring to hear about how your relationship with your partner has shifted. It’s easy to look at other couples like Annette and Gabe and to think that we can’t have the depth of relationship that they do and so to hear that you guys made some changes and as a result your relationship with each other and indeed with others has shifted is inspiring indeed.
I love what you share here in how by building the care and attention in one relationship your relationships with others evolved.
This blog makes complete sense for how can one be in a relationship when the motivation to interact is self-centred.
Yeah so true and well put Luke – how indeed??
Natalie I whole heartedly agree with what you have shared about Annette and Gabe. I have commented before that even if we all watched them with the sound turned down then we would still get a massive learning, as you say simply from observing the way that they hold each other in absolute love. Stunning stuff!
I have very much found by reflection that I have approached relationships from how it impacts me rather than really listening and taking interest in what my partner was saying. What I realised by doing that is that I missed beautiful opportunities for growth.
The beautiful thing about this blog is that makes clear what is the way to deepen a relationship does not happen without moving in a specific way (moving in communication, openness to the other and interest on the other)
When someone is interested in you, you have to be discerning whether this is real interest or something else.
This is a great sharing Natalie and very inspiring for all relationships and the expansion and depth that can be felt from this is very lovely and something in us all we know and deeply miss whilst settling for less or what we have got. It shows that we can all change and deepen our relationships and our lives by opening up and being willing to see things and change taking reaction out of the equation and allowing true evolution.
Beautiful honesty and also exposing – how often do we listen not to hear but to respond – already thinking about what we want to say, or where we have experienced the same thing rather than just stopping and really listening to another.
This is a great program and inspiring to do in order to bring this dedication into every day of my life. Thank you , Natalie.
Being in a relationship without being interested in your partner or viceversa is a killer that works 24/7.
A well known saying just came to me as I read your blog, ‘you get what you give’, when we are really interested in another, than engagement and connection invites them to allow the same in return, enriching the relationship and it’s potential to be even more.
Great sharing about going deeper in relationships. the full appreciation of the other and a true interest in the person. Very inspiring to go deeper in my connections!
Your article has inspired me, Natalie, to ‘step back a bit and not go at life with an agenda’, love it. Without the attachment of an agenda we are, by default going to be so much more open, approachable and receptive.
It’s interesting, after reading your article, Natalie, I can feel how I have certain expectations in my relationships, particularly with my partner. I want to be heard and allowed the space to share how I’m feeling with someone who is truly interested …. but do I honestly do this in return? Do I listen without any judgment, without trying to defend how I may have acted, without reacting from my own hurts, can I let go of any attachment to any outcome and just be there and give my partner the space to share how he feels? I’m not sure I can honestly say I do this, but I can certainly choose to do so moving forward. Thank you.
I love what you’re sharing here, Natalie, ….. I can absolutely recognise how I can ‘defend’ my position in a discussion with my partner, rather than putting myself and my hurts to one side and truly listening as I would to anyone else that I wasn’t in a relationship with.
A word that keeps popping up for me lately when I am with my wife is sacredness. Holding someone or feeling their sacredness for me means holding them with a very deep level of respect, love, stillness and tenderness. It is like they are the most precious object in the whole world. When I see her and hold her as a beautiful, gorgeous sacred woman that she is, real magic flows between us!
Thankyou Andrew Mooney for this beautiful reminder to hold each other in absolute sacredness no matter what. We block our own magical flow by putting up the guards from letting our hurts get in the way and making them more important than the reflection of the love we have in front of us from others.
This blog makes a lot of sense to me because when we really meet or see another person for who they truly are we are also allowing ourselves to be who we truly are and life takes on a whole new level of joy and vitality as a result.
It’s so true. I know I was often just waiting for my turn to speak, with my point of view all ready. How can this be if I am really listening? If I was really listening, I wouldn’t know what response I would have until the end of whatever is being said. It is great to recognise this and change it. To become more attentive, loving and really listen as if the other person is very dear to me….because they are.
It is a great point you make in your blog Natalie that all our relationships are connected to each other and if you deepen one it affects all other relationships in our lives. It also follows that if we have one toxic or stagnated relationship in our life it is going to affect all the others too. We tend to compartmentalise our relationships believing that we can have different quality relationships with different people but really they are all one and the same because the real quality of them is based on the quality of the relationships we have with ourselves which we take into each and every relationship.
I know for me there is such an ingrained pattern of putting survival and security ahead of everything else that this means protection and being on guard can easily creep into relationships. This protection means taking care of self, whether that be getting my point heard, winning an argument, being right, getting my own way, being jealous or in comparison. These are all forms of protection of self in my opinion and block a deeper connection that I have also felt many times with people when I do not allow these behaviours to dominate.
I have noticed that when I truly listen with my whole body to what another person is saying there is so much more space for them and me to express ourselves and I feel much more connected to them.
I, too, am greatly inspired by Gabrielle and Annette and the exercise you share feels it will be really beneficial to implement.
Thank you Natalie. I can see that if there is a smidgen of investment in self in any way then it impinges on and interferes with the relationship even if we are not aware of it at the time. It shows how awareness is key for this and opens the possibility of greater connection if we choose. Staying true to ourselves and expressing how we feel is not always easy when we have been holding back in the past. The simple act of bringing all our attention to our partner or friend or the person we are relating with lets us bring all of ourselves to the relationship. All our care and love naturally is there too. When the other is open to this we have a true meeting and a possibility of deepening our connection not only with ourselves but also the other. What a beautiful commitment this is when we can do this for each other.
This is awesome to read and feel how your interest and commitment for each other has deepened. Annette and Gab are extraordinary in the way they are so open and totally there for each other – to share this with the world like they are is so inspiring. How we can actually be with each other, not impose and celebrate what we all individually bring.
This is incredibly powerful. A much needed light being shone on the way we go about life. Such a simple way, that makes complete sense, and can change the way everybody feels. Awesome. Thank you for sharing.
A great article to make us stop and consider whether we take the time to truly care and be interested in another or just ourselves. I love that you were inspired by Annette and Gabe’s video and committed to the program you did…. realising there was more to your relationship than you were allowing and were willing to explore that. Gorgeous.
What a wonderful programme you and your partner put yourself on Natalie. It is a bit of an ouch as I can feel I am definitely in it for myself much more than is healthy for me and my relationships. And yet it is counter inituitive as the love and support I crave comes much more deeply when I commit to being interested in other and caring and connecting to what it is that they have to say, as you have so beautifully demonstrated.
Wow Natalie, how inspiring this is. So often we go through life only being concerned about ourselves and how we are coming across and how we are being understood. I can feel this is true of me. But to take our interest wider and really consider another in how they are/what they are saying/how they are feeling is another level of relationship. It is a lesson in not being self obsessed!
I love the title and everything you share here – life does get more interesting when we are interested, no doubt about it. And people do respond likewise which makes life even more interesting and never mundane or boring.
I am also totally inspired by Annette and Gabrielle and now by you Natalie. What you have shared is a loving slap in the face and a call for us all to look deeper at the quality of our connection with each other. It is so true that often we do not hear what the other has said because we have an agenda, judgment or expectation in the way. These are the ‘roadblocks’ we set up, the reactions we use to avoid going deeper in the relationship and thus back to the natural expression of our true selves. In other words – reaction is the excuse we hide behind to not bring our All to all.
Natalie firstly Annette and Gabrielle are amazing, totally agree there; but the reflection is something that has got me asking myself the same question. How much of the conversation that I share with my wife is about the whole rather than about something I want to get out of it. It’s great to ask something that I can feel we can appreciate and then deepen.
What you have shared is so incredibly inspiring Natalie, and although it sounds as if it was challenging at times at the very core it is actually quite simple; it’s all about learning to listen. How often can we say that we have truly been listened to, and without interruption? – in my experience and in the experience of others, who I have asked the question of, not very often. You have certainly inspired me to listen a whole lot more and who knows what may unfold from there.
So many people rely on relationships in a ‘set and forget’ style and do not take on board that they need to constantly keep working on things together. Its so rewarding what they learn about themselves and how they are willing to be responsible in the process, to the benefit of themselves and everyone around them too.
Thanks, Natalie. What a simple exercise with such profound learning. When we step out of our protected world of self, there is so much to enjoy and be interested in with every relationship, as each person represents a part of the divine whole, and being with them offers an opportunity for both of us to expand.
I agree Natalie how often in our day do we give 100 percent of our attention when another person is speaking, quite often we can be in our own thoughts as we are listening. This can then lead to confusion, as we only tend to hear the words that we want to hear, so only get half the story and then fill in the rest with our own assumed picture.
Oh yes…my partner and I realized how often we speak with each other while we de something else like being with the computer, brush one’s teeth and so on. Sometimes we shout ‘through’ each other through walls, from one room to the other. This all reflects a dis-honoring. Of ourselves as for the other and specially a dishonoring of the relationship. And I agree from my heart – how we be with us in close relationship has a ripple effect on all relationships. So…the dis-honor OR the honor is to find everywhere.
We made the choice to speak with each other by looking in each other’s eyes. This changed a lot in our life. We bring honor back into our life and let it become our foundation. Feels amazing. Feels like we are worth and we start to honor this again.
What you share Natalie takes relationships to another level. How interested are we in people in our lives? This goes beyond the superficial to deep communication with others in our lives. Very often, as you say, self-interest takes over and we’re really only concerned about ourselves not the other person. Committing to your programme takes honesty and complete openness and because you did deepened your friendship with each other. Very inspiring.
Thank you Natalie – this succinct and clear blog has brought a ‘stop moment’ to ponder upon and support bringing a deeper awareness to the quality that is possible in communication with another – an opportunity to be aware of the traps of using agendas and self interest to be in combat against another rather than being fully with them and truly listening.
“Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?”
Natalie, I love this article, this is so revealing, I feel inspired to observe how I am with my partner and to be more interested, thank you.
Me too Rebecca and Natalie, and not just with partners, with friends and family too, really with everyone we interact with – what a difference this will make in all our relationships.
I have noticed my relationships at work improving as I bring more equality into my interactions with both clients and colleagues but have been particularly challenged by one client recently who society would label as having communication issues. At our second meeting he accused me of having a difficulty with communication and although I appeared not to react inside I was like ‘How can he say that…’ and totally made it about me! Talking to various people and exploring this more honestly I came to appreciate the gift being offered in his transparency and how invested I was in getting him to agree to a certain course of action and not allowing him the grace to express how things felt for him. In this I have been supported by others who are willing to truly reflect back to me what I am presenting.
When I read your blog Natalie, I could feel how much self I have invested in my relationships. Thank you for sharing and inspiring me!
This is something which can be part of an ever deepening process in relationships as we become more open and allow more acceptance and appreciation in our relationships.
It is confronting to acknowledge how often I have an agenda when I am communicating with others particularly those closest to me. I have noticed when I let go of wanting them to be a certain way that it expands the communication in unexpected ways but had not registered that it is my releasing them from my expectations of what they should be doing that then allows space for the connection to grow.
Thanks Natalie – I particularly appreciate the “listening to another” you reference here. The listening to another without an invested outcome or WIFM (Whats in it for me!) Many thanks for your concise blog on this matter which has tripped me up with my lack of listening and failure to appreciate in full what all relationships can deliver. Truly delivering it to the point of understanding. Yum!
So often in relationships we listen to our partners with one ear nodding in agreement, but are thinking something entirely different about an entirely different subject, so this is great Natalie and really worth a try and I can see that the results would be the same in any relationship if we only took the time to be interested in each other.
I’ve noticed that often we half listen to our friends and family moaning about the lack of interest from our other half, and yet we hear it over and over and nothing changes. But have we really taken an interest in what is going on for them, not just agreeing or telling them what they should do, but have we truly been interested in what is going on for them? Perhaps this is needed for something to change.
What if we are all stuck in relationships where we’re not interested in each other, and so we’re all reflecting that that is ‘normal’ and we accept it.
What if we all started to take an interest in all of our relationships and our friends relationships – imagine the knock on affect and what a ‘normal’ relationship would then become?
I have to say to be met by Gabe and Annette is one of the most beautiful experiences in this world, I melt every time as I have never experienced two people ( apart from the Benhayon family) hold me in such love – what I really feel and really gets me is there is not one ounce of judgement n them – I feel completely safe, open to share everything with them, not hold back and most of all be myself. It’s not often in the world we feel this, it’s very special to be met in this way and has left a lasting imprint in my body.
‘ to stop trying to make the other person be a certain way,’ this is key, it’s super imposing on someone else and not in anyway love. It’s basically trying to mould them into a picture / an image in our head of how we need them to be, to stay in control, so it doesn’t expose our own lack of self love. For if we loved ourselves deeply we wouldn’t need anybody to be anything, we would love them and understand them as they are.
For me appreciation is the key, I see so many people, relationships, families, groups and friends not appreciating, adoring and loving one another immensely, and If I’m honest this hurts, it brings in separation, as we tend to focus on the outside things, what we have or haven’t done, instead of each other and love.
Gyl I agree and feel that the reason why we don’t express appreciation or love very much at all is because we are weighed down by our own pain. It feels to me that most of us lumber through life, weighed down by the pain of our own separation to ourselves, to others and to God. Through my involvement with Universal Medicine I have been able to extradite myself from the shackles of my own hurts and am now free to truly love and appreciate others.
I have to agree, I have had several sessions with Gabe and Annette and whats strikes me the most is the absolute love and holding they have for one another and with that hold you in. There is not one ounce of judgement just absolute love. A very amazing and deeply inspiring couple and women.
‘Are we that interested in each other, or do our conversations revolve around what is in it for us, what our hurts are, what point we are trying to make and making sure we make it?’ these are fantastic points to reflect on in all our relationships.
Feeding our relationship hurts by giving them any energy when we are with the other person is just the game of hide and seek we play in relationships. It is absolutely devastating to feel the harm this causes the other person and yourself too yet we continue to play it! Building a constant relationship built on friendship and true love is the key I have found to keeping the relationship loving, supportive, super fun and deeply caring.
Wow game changer right here! I have observed this gorgeous genuine connection between Gabriel and Annette in their videos and having relationship sessions with them. It’s like an instant reminder of that is love and that is how we all want to be in relationship with everyone. My husband and I are constantly inspired by their relationship and the awesome reflection and support this offers us as well. I love your blog Natalie and when my husband and I both read it, it was easy for us to be honest with how we are together. We are going to try out the same program now. Thanks for your honesty and sharing your and your partners’ experience.
Such a simple decision, yet so profound. This is something that is worth sharing with anyone and everyone in my life. When we think we are offering all we can in a relationship – that is when things go stale or stagnant – and this can be in any form of relationship – father daughter, couples, friends etc. Just offering nothing more that your genuine interest is important to everyone to feel.
Wow! So much in so few words Nat. I loved it. In my view everyone can relate to what you have shared and take something from how and what you presented. I could quote you on so many aspects of what you have shared as being totally relevant to many situations in life but instead I will recommend a re-read. After 12 years of being a Student of The Way of The Livingness for me there are so many-take-to-the-heart phrases that I cherish!
It feels so true what you share in your blog Natalie, and it makes me question how much I am genuinely interested in the life of my partner and others i am involved with.
It is a great blog and I agree Nico, it also makes me reflect deeply on my interactions with others and how much self there is or if I am truly there and interested in the other’s communications.
Life becomes deeply rich when we make it about people and open ourselves up to the potential that is ever-present in every moment.
This is a great blog and a very important learning for us all.
It goes to show that when we take the focus off ourself and are open and honouring of the connections between ourselves and others, we create the space for another to be held in Love and to freely see, read and understand and bring our all to every interaction.
Very beautiful and so true Deborah.
The more we are open and honouring of all, the more spacious it is for our relationships to expand and deepen.
Holding others in love heals the world.
It is such a different view point to delight and appreciate another, rather than looking to catch them up or run down another in conversations. Even if we may be addressing some dynamic between us it is much more supportive if we hold another in their grace rather than see them as a behaviour we dont like.
After reading this blog I have been able to bring more of a curiousity towards the conversations I have with others and my ears prick up to when I feel there is an opening in the dialogue which I can connect more to.
Sometimes if I am invested about getting my point across or being right in a conversation there can be no real opening towards another and it is not true relationship.
Thank you Natalie, this blog really made me sit back and reflect on my communication with people and whether it comes from a genuine place of interest in the other or is it just about my agenda and self interest. It also made me think about communicating to connect rather than getting something out of it.
Thank you for sharing Natalie. It is a huge subject you have started the conversation about! And I would love to explore this in my relationships as I see how I do this from time to time and that this actually takes away the joy of being with other people.
I agree Lieke there are different times when the conversation I have is all about “what can I get from it” and not being open and truly interested in the other person, it’s how most of life is constructed and so is normal yet in allowing that “normality” we miss out on the truth of the quality of relationships that can be had.
Very inspiring read Natalie .. and it is sincerely one of the most intimate dearing things closest to my heart – to be sincerely listened to, without being interrupted, or another adding in what they believe, or imposed upon by not actually being listened to. When all that is needed sometimes is for you to just communicate and express what is there to say.
Thankyou Rik, I can feel your true heartfelt expression in your comment and know that you in fact live this everyday. Sometimes less words is more powerful in a conversation.
The surrender I can feel when reading this, inspires a deep joy of the possibility to be interested in everyone we connect with during our day. It says, ‘you matter, you have worth and I care about you’ – what an amazing feeling to gift someone. I teach up to 150 students a day and I make a point as they walk into the classroom, to engage with them all and say their name – it may be the only chance I get to connect with them directly in that lesson but it’s deeply important to me so share with them the message, that they matter and I care. You immediately pick up too if something is not quite right for someone.
Gina- I was so deeply touched reading how you meet every single student in your class as they enter the classroom.
What an amazing difference that would make !- I could feel your sincerity and deep love and care for each of them.
It feels like they are part of your family, and you do care for each and every one of them equally.
It’s great to ask these questions Natalie, and not simply accept that ‘that’s the way relationship is (and must stay)’… we can always go deeper if we are willing.
we take our own usual way of living as the only way and are usually blinded to the fact that there might be another way to be or interact with people. It was wonderful that this couple ACTUALLY made a change and were able to explore for themselves where their relationship could go if they allowed another to be, without imposing their own agenda.
Imposing our beliefs on others is a huge marker of how we can fall into a pattern in relationships that is accepted as the only way to be. This blog is showing another way where the support is provided to show that when we listen with our whole body the quality of our relationships can change and deepen.
When we look at life and relationships from the perspective of ‘what’s in it for us’ we have an entirely different reality to when we truly make it about people.
So true Kylie. It’s like looking at the world through one set of glasses and then through andother tinted set and trying to compare the two views of life without realising you are putting on different glasses in the first place!
That’s a great analogy, Joshua, and a possibility to be really aware of, along with consciously keeping a lookout for those subtle nuances of difference in how we choose to relate to different people.
Yes and there is an agenda that is far from true to the relationship and the potential it brings to the all.
What you share Natalie is so simple and yet so powerful – it is stunning that we don’t do it more often. I have found that even taking one tiny step in bringing more awareness and loving expression to relationships can have hugenormous mega gorgeous repercussions in many ways!
Nicola I agree with what you have shared but also know from experience that it is unfortunately more common to take repeated tiny steps away from those who we are in long term relationships with, rather than tiny steps towards them.
I love what you have shared here Natalie. When we break out of our self imposed lives and ways of seeing things we can truly open up to others and what they have to share. It really does take our relationships to another level of intimacy and care and that’s what makes life so much more interesting. Thank you.
Kelly the key words that you have used are ‘self imposed’. There has to be a point for us all when we realise that our lives are the sum total of all of the choices that we have made thus far.
A great sharing Natalie & example of how we are in the drivers seat of all that unfolds before us. Life is the mirror reflecting our choices back. It’s very empowering understanding this as then we can take responsibility & make the changes that we need to live a more connected and enriching life.
Beautifully expressed Marika, it is fantastically empowering to know that we have choices and that what is reflected in life is something that is there to learn and evolve from if we choose it.