For most of my working life I have been involved in or surrounded by abusive or disharmonious workplace relationships. I tried over and over to escape from these situations but found that they presented again and again, just with a different face.
In my current workplace it is common to hear stories from staff members about situations of harassment and bullying. These employees generally stay in their jobs as the region is one of high unemployment.
It appears, however, that my own experience and those of my work colleagues are not isolated events. The Australian Human Rights Commission refers to international research which estimates that 400,000 to 2 million Australians will be harassed at work (in 2001) while 2.5 to 5 million will experience workplace harassment at some time during their career.[i]
These statistics are alarming and certainly highlight that the way we are relating with each other in the workplace is not a true way of living and relating as human beings.
Abuse in the Workplace
For many years working in this environment impacted upon my own health and general wellbeing. It felt ‘unsafe’ to be myself and I felt powerless to call abuse when it presented.
The abuse which I experienced took many different forms and included being spoken to harshly and publicly, slamming doors, being overly-demanding, setting unachievable goals, ridiculing, starting malicious rumours, denying a voice, discriminatory comments and exclusion from information that related to my role.
I would drive to work heavy hearted and worked through the day in extreme levels of anxiety, always documenting my tasks, responses and actions for the next occasion where I would come under scrutiny.
I did all I could to override the awfulness that I felt and succumbed to ways that allowed me to be easily controlled – to be silent, to do as I was told and to work fast and relentlessly. What I didn’t realise at the time was that this way of working was hurting me deeply.
In one instance the abuse built to an intolerable level and escalated when I injured myself at work. I was no longer able to handle the emotional abuse now that my body was in physical pain; I sought support from esoteric healing sessions with a number of different Universal Medicine practitioners.
The practitioners supported me to introduce gentleness and self-nurturing into my daily life and in time, love for myself started to expand. My thoughts were noticeably more sensitive and honouring of myself and others and my body didn’t need to hold itself in constant tension and protection in readiness for the ‘next attack’. Living like this had become unhealthy, not to mention draining on my energy levels.
Saying No to the Workplace Abuse
As I became more loving and tender with myself I started to see the world and people around me a little differently. I became much more aware of what was truly going on and I found that what felt like a personal attack from another, was really them reacting to something about themselves or something about their own lives. I found it much easier to say No to the abusive behaviour and could do so in a way that was firm and to the point, yet constructive and rational.
In time I observed how people at work began to cherish a more collaborative and supportive work environment based on a new level of care and concern for individuals. Many staff chose to socialise rather than stay behind closed doors and people were able to share more about how they were truly feeling.
This experience showed me a new way forward; the days of running from workplace conflict were over.
My Part in Workplace Abuse
Within this healing process I began to feel my part in all of this and questioned the role of my responses to abuse and whether I too had been an abuser. You see I always viewed myself as a victim and never as a perpetrator in any of these situations.
In each situation of conflict it always appeared that the other person was attacking, aggressive or rude towards me. However, I was failing to see that I was approaching people with a deep wall of protection in an attempt to not be hurt.
I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either. In fact, on many occasions I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me. So in the end it was difficult to determine whether I was reacting to others or whether they were reacting to me. Who was actually abusing whom? These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.
Bringing True Connection to Workplace Relationships
I have started a new role in the same organisation and, in this role and for the first time, I have put love first.
As a result of the changes that I have made to the way I connect with myself and with others, my life and workplace relationships are now truly amazing. There is a new closeness that I feel where no words are needed because the feeling of appreciation is so powerful that it is already expressed. There is an honesty and willingness to engage, to genuinely support each other and to bring true connection and tenderness to the workplace.
I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.
So… no love in business?! From the chaos that I have experienced with workplace relationships, I now know without any doubt that there must be love in business just as much as there must be love in all our relationships.
There is a work model here that revels in simplicity and beauty – love is our way forward and our workplace relationships need it too.
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
by MAS
http://www.humanrights.gov.au/information-employers-fact-sheet-workplace-bullying
Further Reading:
Universal Medicine: Practical Applications in the Workplace
Self-Care at Work Does Make a Difference
Why Work? What Is Work About?
It is so easy to go into comparison and then the ensuing abusive behaviours, so could it be that we need to appreciate everyone’s ability to make there own Loving choices otherwise our thoughts can be abusive?
When love is the marker, everything around gets transformed
In my role, the majority of abuse occurs on a self level within the staff. By this, I mean that we can be so focused on caring for and supporting another that we forget to care for ourselves. I appreciate having come into this industry with a level of self-care so that I can set firm standards as to how and when and with whom I work with. Not from a demanding stance but from self-respect.
Saying no to abuse in the work place can be hard because it is so normal and most of the population just take it, being strong and saying no, whats not true takes guts but so so worth it.
Work, relationships and family all feel so much better when we apply ourselves to the Love we naturally are and bring that as a reflection so everyone has a choice to be the same.
Getting ourselves out of the way allows us to work for the bigger picture, when this happens everything is simple – if things are complicated it usually means we have brought in our own agenda.
When we don’t value ourselves we can’t expect others to value us either.
What comes to me reading this article about workplace abuse is that the abuse must start earlier in our lives. Bullying and abuse in the playground at school and at home that goes unchecked and is allowed to continue seems to carry on into adulthood and into the workplace.
and what I love about this article is that we have the power to change all of this and it’s through being more tender and loving with ourselves – amazing as i write this there is a pain from a scar on my hand where I pushed a rubber washer that had a glass tube in, it with force. This was late at night after coming back from a party when I was teenager. I had forgotten a part of the wine making process and felt the urgency to complete it and now have a circular scar in the palm of my hand – the old me would say ‘to show for it’ – a common phrase in those days, but now I see everything as a learning and this scar is a reminder of the disregard I was in on so many levels and allows me appreciation for the changes I’ve made, or aligned to, over the years.
Beautiful how one person changing their relationship with themselves can have such a powerful ripple effect and change every relationship in a workplace.
“I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.” This is brilliant – the thing I’ve found is that by making my life as loving as possible I’m actually ignited and my work is so much greater and so many more opportunities open up.
MAS, what you are sharing in this article is amazing. What a huge turnaround in how people related to each other in your workplace.
What a turn around by taking responsibility for how you were, and choosing to bring more care and love to your life, ‘As a result of the changes that I have made to the way I connect with myself and with others, my life and workplace relationships are now truly amazing. There is a new closeness that I feel where no words are needed because the feeling of appreciation is so powerful that it is already expressed. There is an honesty and willingness to engage, to genuinely support each other and to bring true connection and tenderness to the workplace.’
We spend much of our time at work, and the environment there will have an impact on our well-being, so how important is it to live in a way that takes care and honours ourselves and others, ‘In time I observed how people at work began to cherish a more collaborative and supportive work environment based on a new level of care and concern for individuals. ‘
There are patterns of behaviour that we have taken on that tell us how we are going to ‘keep ourselves safe’. If something has worked we keep with it and it builds to something we then guard. Yet what you introduce here is the potential to consider that the patterns of behaviour we think have been keeping us safe from being hurt, have actually been feeding the perception of the behaviour in others that means we feel we need to protect ourselves! Bonkers. One of the smartest ways to see if we have fallen for this, most pernicious behaviour, is to take a moment to deepen our self care and see what your eyes and body reveal!
What a beautiful blog. I feel I must have read it before but it felt like the first time. It is awesome how when we change our attitude people around us can change too and I love how this has happened in your situation. I feel caring for ourselves, bringing that deepening quality to ourselves, changes how we are with ourselves and how others then experience us and how we then appreciate others more too.
Interesting call MAS .. love in business! How do you communicate that to your management though? I’m not sure I could say more love is needed. I could go the angle there needs to be more care… The corporate consciousness feels like it is so embedded that love is so far from it because of the investment of self-identification in getting something back from work — “How can I control my role in the way that is fit for me?” Whether that be earning lots of money or just doing enough to get through the day or .. .. Most corporate relationships are based on – “I have something you need so, you must treat me this way before I give it to you.” So .. my experience for endearing love in business is giving another space while delivering what they need. If they need space the whole time you work with them then so be it!
Do we hold ourselves in protection, or allow ourselves to be open and transparent, and feel whatever – and all – of what is going on around us? Holding on and holding back drains us, but staying open, allowing ourselves to feel whatever is there to be felt – and staying with the body, not abandoning it out of fear or avoidance of what we can feel, helps us to hold steady and maintain a consistent level of energy and relationship with life.
Its so important that we take responsibility for our part – are we walking around with a wall of protection? Do we come across as aloof? Do we call out when something does not feel right? Do we observe how we are, how others are and bring understanding first rather than judgement? There is so much that we can do about this, and I would question just how much I allow these things to happen rather than pretending that they are just happening to me.
Whenever we dishonour the love we are in essence we say ‘yes’ to being an abuser.
There is no difference between our relationships with colleagues, to our relationships with friends and family in terms of the quality and how we respect one another. What you’ve also shown here is how we all contribute to abuse, in our own ways – either we allow it to come through us directly, or we contract and allow an enabling energy through us that allows it to continue – we are all responsible. Awesome to read how you’ve turned this around by making small but simple changes in how you relate to yourself, and others.
Especially given how much time we spend at work – 8 – 10 hours per day, 5 days a week. These relationships are so important to our everyday health and well being.
Yes we need to make our relationships at work about love as well and I have noticed that the more I work on this with myself the more my relationships at work open up and become truly supportive.
Yes, a loving relationship with self is a great foundation to build, ‘I now know without any doubt that there must be love in business just as much as there must be love in all our relationships.’
Thank you MAS, the statistics on workplace bullying don’t just show the presence of bullying but the absence of love. We definitely need to bring care, consideration, respect and openness into not just work but education, families, and communities, etc. We need love everywhere.
“I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.” Likewise its always been about getting ahead, taking the next step up so I am higher up the corporate ladder with more kudos and more responsibility. But without the love, what is the point? What if we have the whole model wrong and rather than how high we can climb, its how deep we can go that is really important?
And if we have the model wrong we will be placing our focus in the wrong area. We will look at how much we earn and the role we have as defining our self-worth. We will be dependent on others for how we feel about ourselves so when we get sacked, made redundant or have a spell out of work we question who we are and it becomes an existential crisis that never needed to be!
“I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either.” This is key. Often I get caught up in the task at hand and the customer’s request. This is ok but, if I am not appreciating what I am offering for being the tender sensitive man first connecting to them as a person before I offer them a service, my work feels empty. It is always about relationships at work – if it is not, my work day is not full (with love).
Imagine how many fights people have – now consider how many of us there are in huge corporations and offices. No wonder we don’t seem to enjoy being there – the energy is intense. But through our movements and quality we can offset all this stuff and bring Love. This after everything, is our job.
When we see ourselves as a victim, we are at the mercy of all that goes on around us. We anticipate trouble, being blamed, having to justify our work, or existence. It is an energy that runs through those who feel victims and those who are working hard not to be victims, without either party choosing to recognise the similarity of the bullying behaviour. Both are imposing but only one is blamed.
Having spent years justifying my existence and resenting the need I felt to do this I can now feel how imposing this was on others and how they benefit now that I am much more appreciative of my own worth and not looking for others to reinforce my sense of worth.
I really noticed that you didn’t start by blaming everyone else and calling them to account which is where we think we have to start. You started with you and your behaviour and seem to have been surprised at the ripple effect it had. That is inspiring.
And rather than going in like a bull in a China shop, without the livingness of what you might pull others up on, its a steady building of that quality in ourselves that people cannot help but feel and respect (or reject). Either way its builds in us and the reflection cannot be ignored.
Thank you for sharing MAS, so inspiring to read the changes that have happened in your work place once you chose to not be a victim and start to observe what is actually going on around you, bringing self loving choices into your life opened you and others up to true loving connections.
MAS, it is awesome to read how much your workplace relationships changed from abusive to loving because you made changes to how you lived and how you were with people. I can relate to feeling like the victim and holding judgement against others. Letting go of this judgment and having understanding to what is going on feels deeply supportive. Thank you for sharing.
A toxic workplace environment is deeply harmful to everyone including those who abuse. If we had a focus on building the quality of workplace environments then we would see workplaces being more productive, have reduced sick days and increase on all levels- yet this common sense approach is thrown out the window when individual agendas come into play.
MAS, this is interesting to read; ‘I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either. In fact, on many occasions I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me’. I can feel that it is so easy to blame others and see ourselves as the victims, rather than taking responsibility for how we are. If we are open, loving and caring with others first or if we wait for others to be caring and loving with us before we let go our protection.
Simple banter with another that is making them lesser than the true light they are is abusive and I felt this the other day with a simple comment that had no love and was actually denigrating. So ‘don’t give up your day job’ was a love-less comment that felt terrible to the person and in reflection it also felt terrible in my body. It is so easy to drop into old patterns that make us all feel lesser than so why go there why not simply appreciate and expand our awareness?
Change comes about as we feel more in our bodies and when we express it is important to have developed an understanding of what energy feels like so we can re-main-connected to our essences and not our head. Then we deliver or express from a body-filled with wisdom that blesses and takes away the dis-regard energetically and this is so easily felt.
MAS, I love how you have taken responsibility for how you are in your workplace relationships. I can feel that it is easy to blame others and not look at how we ourselves are being; ‘I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either.’
Workplace abuse takes many forms, some overt, and some covert, but nevertheless the culture of any workplace should not allow any form of abuse.
MAS this is amazing what you share is something for us all to reflect on – we have all have the ability to stand up and say no to abuse and until we do the nastiness we appose will continue to affect us and all those around us.
I do notice that when I am more open and light hearted it becomes infectious. Exactly the same if I am withdrawn and just functioning through till home time. We have an affect on people greater than we appreciate or take notice of.
I have recently discovered just how powerful it is to let go of judgement for co-workers who are being abusive and bullying others, and realise how they can react to the energy of judgement of them as much as when I reflect to them a way of living with more love. Because when we fail to see people’s true essence first and instead only see the junk that layers over that based on that person’s past hurts, it creates a back and forth struggle that can be dissolved by holding them in love and understanding, just as MAS has done in a miraculous way.
MAS, I love this, it is beautiful to read that you are putting love first, how amazing would our work places be if we all did this – putting love, support and people first and career progression and profits after this; ‘I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.’
A very inspiring article. Thank you MAS
What is true is that we have to to stand up at some stage, we do have to say no, enough is enough. And bullying can be subtle, or it can be overt, where ever and whenever it happens sometime we inevitably have to say no.
I have too experienced abuse and bullying. Coming to the understanding that with all the abuse I have experienced, I can see how I have contributed to them by playing the victim role and by allow abuse to take place. Once I started to stand up to abuse, it was liberating and saying no to abuse is deeply empowering and healing.
Currently the ways we are at work, how we are with each other does not work. If they did we would not have the levels of abuse that we do. We also know that this has been a problem for a very long time and that many solutions have been offered, providing little if any success. Solutions are outcome driven rather than looking at the cause of what is happening for people. We don;t often associate the words love and work together but maybe it’s worth giving love a go.
I have found observing and not absorbing situations particularly in my workplace as not only a deeper understanding of how we all work as a team but also how we each have different qualities and abilities to share too. Observing our surroundings gives us a greater scope for understanding others and also we are then able to feel what is truly going on anywhere at anytime.
When we make work about people and not just about ourselves and what we can get out of it, our entire relationship with work changes and expands. I would say our issues with how others are at work is a result of our collective attitude of making work about ourselves and not about everyone
MAS, I love the simplicity of this; ‘I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.’ It is very beautiful to make work about love and people rather than personal goals and progression, I can feel how this is the most important thing and if the connections and the support is there for each other then the work can naturally flow, people working together rather than just for personal gain feels key for work to be truly purposeful and enjoyable.
Very inspiring MAS on many levels; what an achievement. It represents the power we have within to change and the responsibility we hold in all we are a part of.
When we take responsibility for our own part in abuse and start to open up things start to change or are becoming more clear. And this is for everyone the same be it at work or at home truly there is no difference, love is indeed the way forward wherever we go.
It can be easy to go into right and wrong and to then justify our actions from there, but when the question is asked- did you make it about love it changes it totally and opens up a whole new way of going about things.
I love the simplicity of what you have highlighted here MW.
Instead of getting caught in getting it right and avoiding being wrong, the most worthwhile and wise question is definitely “did I make it about love?”.
And this can be applied to every single moment in life.
There is so much to learn from this simple line “Who was actually abusing whom? These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.” We can feel we are the victim and stay in that space without questioning how we can be the change we want to see in our lives. We can all be at fault if we are not prepared to step back and ask that question.
It is amazing what difference one person can bring to a work place when just simply be themselves.
Is it not amazing the power we carry and express once we stop trying to protect ourselves.
This is true Mas, it is for us to look at our part in it and address what is needed, bringing love and care to ourselves then that love and care goes out to others in the work place and the dynamics can completely change, just as you have experienced.
If there is a bully in the office but everyone is claimed and standing in their full power then the bully has nowhere to go. It is therefore our responsibility to not contract for if we do we are inviting the bully to act.
When you come off the high horse, judgment and righteousness of being the victim, the lines become very blurry regarding who is actually causing the harm or situation to continue. I have found that disharmony needs two sides and willing participants to be fed and fuelled. Once one person develops understanding and stops reacting the fire is missing one of the essential ingredients.
Workplaces these days can be shadowed by a minefield of unresolved issues within both the workers themselves and also the structure of the workplace too. Once these battle lines have been set up it can be a challenging place to be but as you have illustrated so beautifully MAS as we all play a part in constructing them, we can equally be as effective in deconstructing them. A commitment to working through our issues both individually and collectively resting upon the concept basic decency and respect being practiced mutually is fundamental to this occurring.
A clear example that by one person being more open and being the love that they naturally are then this inspires other to be equally open and to be more of who they naturally are.
It is uncanny how we can’t really run from anything because it will catch up with us; what hasn’t been resolved presents itself again even and especially if it might look at first that the situation or the person/people are very different. What goes around, comes around.
People need to work , both to live and for purpose, and yet the workplace can be so toxic… there seems to be a fundamental flaw in our society…what is obviously needed is a wisdom that is Universal, and that is true Medicine for everyone.
We really have become a society that has become desensitised to abuse, so much so that we consider it normal. Being open to understanding our role in the abusive culture we find ourselves in is paramount if we want to see this change, as we realise the way we are, respond and connect to people has a huge effect on the relationships we develop. Are our relationships loving or not, are we loving with ourselves are not? Love can be lived at work and through businesses equally as much as it can be lived for ourselves, and what’s more, it is what we all deserve.
Very Inspiring Mas how you have transformed your work experience from abuse to bringing more love to business. Everything changes when we make it about love and people first.
Work needs to about love, if not there is absolutely no point. For too long our businesses have been dominated by self interests.Only when we realise that work has to be about people and that people need to feel love to produce love will we learn.
Our work places are certainly crying out for truth, simplicity, harmony and love. How evolutionary for all it would be to work in a place where these qualities were the foundation and guiding principles.
MAS your blog is a great study on how a workplace can be when care, respect and love is brought in as a foundational principle, even if it starts with one person.
I have experienced a variety of toxic work environments over the years but it is only recently that I have looked at my part in it and I love how you nominate that being in protection and judging others often sets up the unwanted behaviour where we then tend to view ourselves as the victim. Choosing to be more open has certainly expanded my workplace interactions and in a frequently stressful environment we generally work smoothly as a team and support each other in whatever way we can.
I had to read this blog as the workplace environment I work in is often described as ’toxic’.
I too have received support from various esoteric healing practitioners and through this support I have made some vast changes within myself. I view work so differently and it is a work in progress to not get caught up in the calamity of it all.
But I can truely feel when I am connected with myself, I can connect with others and in that connection what unfolds has and can be amazing, it is like this constant mirror walking in front of you reflecting all the time. A gem of a blog.
MAS it’s really beautiful that you were prepared to look beyond that you were seeing and look at the part you yourself were playing in the abuse that was playing out in your workplace. You have really exposed that abuse is much greater than what we see with our eyes and that putting up with, or making nice around abuse is actually also abuse. This also exposes our own choices in life for it is never about just work, but how we are in the whole of our life.
Amazing the changes that happened in your workplace MAS when you choose to live with self- responsibility and self love in your life and then reflected this to your workmates, such is the enormous power of reflection.
The levels of workplace abuse continue to rise with the increase in workload in hand with societal pressures. Often we can cruise along and not take into consideration the smaller forms of abuse when we are surrounded by the more forceful and louder examples. Thank you for sharing that there is no difference in either, as they both are felt and bring little or no learning for the people that work together. When we choose to make respect and understanding along with the call for responsibility a part of our everyday living we are bringing another level of work commitment for others to feel and see.
Mas, I love this, ‘ the feeling of appreciation is so powerful that it is already expressed. There is an honesty and willingness to engage, to genuinely support each other and to bring true connection and tenderness to the workplace.’ What an amazing difference this has made to your workplace, I can feel in my relationships in general that if I appreciate and support others rather than judge and criticize that my relationships feel much more loving and true.
What is interesting now is that top management educators in Australia are recognizing that connection, harmony, and communication in the workplace are the absolute priority for managers to understand and enact.
This is a great testament that the level of love, honouring and care we live with provides a reflection to everyone in our life and has a direct impact on the world that is created around us. No choice, no decision and no expression is too small and too insignificant.
MAS, this article is really interesting to read, I can feel how I have grown up with the idea that I could not be myself at work, that I had to put on a professional front and that I could not have the same loving, close relationships with work colleagues or my boss as I did with friends or family, that has changed now and I m much more open and loving with work colleagues, I am myself at work rather than changing myself to go to work, this feels like a lovely, true way to work and is much more gentle on my body without the tension that all the trying and pushing myself created. This feels really true, ‘there must be love in business just as much as there must be love in all our relationships.
Thank you MAS, there is really no reason workplace colleagues cannot feel like family members, and for harmony, care and shared love to be our primary business foundation from which our productivity flows.
MAS, being firm and to the point as well as constructive and rational is a fine art in work place relationships. Personally i find that it is the times in-between these constructive moments that really count – because if there is a basis of respect between us all of the other times, then when things become tight or tense, we have all the hours spent together before to fall back on. The key is, I am finding, to make all those hours count, worth something and matter that is, to make the relationships matter all of the time and not just when things get tough.
This is a great point to share. How easy it is to just wipe away those moments in between the times when there is tension.
When we change how we are in the work place, using simple steps like not reacting and becoming more loving with ourselves and others simply by reflection others too will change.
Holding myself as a victim at work I can see changes nothing as there is no one standing up for and in love and setting the standard. Coming back to this blog I wonder – what quality of working environment do I deserve? Because at the moment the way I am working and reacting to work doesn’t feel good. There’s gotta be another way and this blog is a great reminder that such change starts within ourselves rather than waiting for around us to change be that where, the people or role.
Interesting how the line of abuse began to blur once responsibility was taken. Proves that everything has to do with the relationship we have with ourselves, how open we are to people and love. There are no limits to the change that can occur when we begin to focus on loving ourselves.
This is gorgeous MAS, it shows that as soon as we stop accepting abuse as the norm and start to ask for true love and connection things can truly change in the workplace and, of course, our whole lives.
Whilst there is no denying the endemic nature of abuses we allow across our relationships and societies, there’s something key that you’ve exposed here about how we have allowed the nature of business to operate in particular MAS.
Why is it ok in a business/workplace setting, for certain abuses to have such free reign? Why do we put up with abuse in perhaps this part of our lives, when we wouldn’t accept it from a partner or friend?
There is an inequality here exposed, that would have us play out both dominant and submissive roles, and expect things to be this way, that is absolutely not ok – and only broken when one such as yourself, chooses to step out of the role and game playing altogether, and reclaim what is true, and truly loving.
Thank-you for this blog. It needs to be read by many.
A powerful sharing MAS, thank-you. That abuse is so prevalent – and clearly ‘normalised’ – in the workplace is an indictment upon our whole society… We have forgotten the true care, openness and connection between people, yes people, that you speak of.
It’s deeply inspiring to read of how one person can indeed make a tremendous difference, when he or she is willing to deal with their own part in what has been allowed to transpire.
Working on tenterhooks is an extremely unpleasant state of affairs – documenting all that takes place is a huge drain on time and energy and waiting for the axe to fall extremely anxiety-provoking. How much more enlightened, in all senses of the word, to effect true change by reflecting another way. Super-well done MAS.
“The abuse which I experienced took many different forms and included being spoken to harshly and publicly, slamming doors, being overly-demanding, setting unachievable goals, ridiculing, starting malicious rumours, denying a voice, discriminatory comments and exclusion from information that related to my role” – MAS how you sum up a typical day in the average office… a typical day of abuse that so many, if not all of us experience. Come to work – experience abuse. If we are accepting abuse in the office, we are accepting it everywhere else too. What a pause for thought.
At the moment I am working in a very unstable place, staff morale is nonexistent and everything feels uncertain. It would be really easy to go into the blame game and play the victim but as you shared in your blog MAS I ask myself – How have I perpetrated/supported this situation?
Taking responsibility for our part of any relationship allows for greater understanding and clarity whereas in blame and reaction we remain blind to whats there to learn and grow from.
We often feel we need to fit in at work because we’re new, but when we show that there is another way, and we don’t need to be protecting ourselves or undermining another, and when we do all work together it is amazing how much changes.
If you don’t have people, you don’t have business – business is about people fist and foremost.
The risk is when it becomes about figures and numbers rather than relationships – when in developing relationships – everything flows and the numbers become a confirmation of that flow. This presents a huge opportunity for there to be a loving foundation in business. How awesome!
It is wonderful to feel the difference between valuing harmony in work relationships before career progression. When we consider others and ourselves equal no matter what the job role there is no need for competition.
Change comes with a willingness from everyone to start appreciating what they bring and that together we make the whole. I have noticed dramatic changes over the years at work in the various leadership roles where I had such high expectations on everyone bringing the all and realised that it was this belief that made no room for the uniqueness we all have on offer. Over time, the change in me has allowed others to feel that they are appreciated for all they bring and the levels of commitment, dedication and productivity blow visitors away.
We talk about the awful things that happen in detention camps and similar places… it may be more subtle, but your average office can be equally as devastating, and be tantamount to torture that literally drives people to suicide.
Being bullied, degraded, harassed or abused has the same effect whether we are dressed in work wear and in a professional setting, are a child in a school environment, in our home, or in a prison – its devastating yet it’s more often accepted if it’s witnessed in a socially acceptable setting.
Just one pebble tossed into the pond can send ripples in every direction and just one person in an office bringing love to the way they are with others can send gentle ripples that are felt by everyone.
There is a lot of disharmony in the workplace. A significant number of the conversations I hear are about dissatisfaction at work. The idea that the foundations at work could be built on love sound so far off, however your blog MAS demonstrates how we can start small, with ourselves and how we are within our departments. The positive effects soon start to ripple outwards.
“So… no love in business?! From the chaos that I have experienced with workplace relationships, I now know without any doubt that there must be love in business just as much as there must be love in all our relationships”.
So indeed MAS, as you have clearly pointed out many work place relationships and work places are chaotic disharmonious and abusive causing untold harm to all concerned. Love in business and work places lets bring it on.
“Who was actually abusing whom? These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.” This is a great thing to realise as often we only call out the obvious abusive acts as shouting, slamming doors and being angry at someone. But actually as you say, not being ourselves because of being afraid and because of that not expressing love to another person could be called abusive. We could say abuse is anything that is not love.
Just as we have to keep bringing more and more love into our close relationships so to do we have to keep doing the same with our work colleagues. Eventually, we will come to know that we are all just one family.
Bringing true connection to the workplace has to eventually happen , or the great ship of commerce will simply founder because there will be no one to work in it.
In observing behaviours at work, I’ve come to see that what plays out by a person is a result of how they feel about themselves and their whole life. When I see controlling behaviour in a particular person, I now have an understanding that the person is behaving this way as a reaction to what is going on in their home life (which has been shared with me) where they don’t feel they have any control. So it’s coming from a deep hurt and playing out at work. It doesn’t make the behaviour ok, but it depersonalises what is going on.
“There is a work model here that revels in simplicity and beauty – love is our way forward and our workplace relationships need it too.” – every relationship needs to be about love but I know I’ve held that back in and out of work, and when I do, that’s when issues arise.
This is a very inspiring tale of self responsibility, I love when you touch on how you used to approached people, with protection and expectation of being hurt, how you would probably reject them before they even had a chance to reject you and in this realisation you were unsure who the victim really was, was it you reacting to them or them reacting to you? This kind of awareness and honesty is not something that everyone is willing to go to and this I admire greatly because to borrow your words when you are right in the middle of this type of relationship be it at work or home,
‘one things for sure, none of it is love’ and in the end thats all the counts!
Thank you Mas for such a great article, what you experienced in the past with workplace bullying and harassment is common amongst many employees unfortunately. Your blog offers true support and inspiration to anyone who is going through similar issues in the workplace. At times we just want to blame and bury our head in the sand when this level of abuse is directed at us but your choice to speak up and look more deeply into this situation and take greater responsibility allowed for a true change in your workplace as well as all areas of your life.
MAS I like your honesty in nominating your part in workplace dynamics, as it is so helpful in relation to my current workplace situation
Thank you MSA for sharing your experience of learning to speak up and call out abuse for what it is but with a love and truth that is a reflection to those in your workplace, beautiful to see the effects of your love on your workplace environment.
As is being said in this blog the love and care you have at home needs to come to your business. It’s not that you can’t have two sets of rules but more that there needs to be a consistency of how you treat people in relationships. So if you are going to work and get frustrated and angry etc why do we think we can come home free of that? It’s like we divide our lives up so that we can’t see the obvious. Anything we do in one relationship is there in all others, it’s just we can’t see it. If we realise that everyone at work has a home usually with people in it and even if they don’t they have friends or travel home amongst others etc and so however they are treated affects all their relationships. We spend a lot of time at work and all these are great reasons to take care with everyone in their workplace. That way that care is taken with them home, it goes out from the workplace everywhere.
We can never underestimate the power and influence we have when we bring love, stillness, joy and harmony into the workplace. I love the point you made about calling out and saying no to any form of abuse; this is vital in maintaining harmonious workplace relationships. Thank you MAS for your wise expression.
It’s crucial we call out all forms of abuse and those that come from the workplace are often insidiously entwined within culture and expected accompanying behaviours – from organisational politics to positional power and everything in between. Not calling it out just means that this kind of behaviour becomes so-called normal, part of the fabric of the way things are, accepted, tolerated and endured, because that’s just the way it is. Put like this, we allow abuse to flourish when in fact we have the power to curtail it simply through our own expression, by saying it as it is.
To live lovingly each day, what a great intention and focus is that. For me it is the same, it is not about having a career, but to connect to people every single day. I love the people I work with and every day, the biggest present is the moments I have with the people around me.
MAS, what you wrote about your part in the abuse rings very true. As someone who has experienced abusive workplaces myself, I have found that it’s easy to place full responsibility on the one abusing, but in truth I have responsibility as well for how I am in every interaction.
At times I’ve chosen to be open with everyone I work with except the known abusers. What I’ve realized is that I can’t claim that I am open with work colleagues if I am holding back caring and love for any one person. No matter what someone else has done in the past that is hurtful, they deserve the opportunity to be with another in true caring and not be held as a pariah.
MAS this is a great article because it really puts the onus back on us to look at the way we are when we come to work. If we are living from a quality of love and connection firstly to self this creates an amazing foundation to be able to see work conflicts not so much as a problem but as an opportunity to learn and grow. By not personally reacting to situations but purely observing them we are able to call out what is not truth and perhaps offer the other person a moment to reflect as well. As you share often we do not see our role or the way in which we may be closing off from others, yet by choosing to live in a more responsible way with self we equal offer this quality to others and open the door to creating happy and healthier workplace relations.
We are surrounded by abuse, subtle and obvious, in so many forms… and subject ourselves internally to so many variations of abuse, from self-criticism to totally ignoring what food we actually need and what food will actually serve us, that abuse itself seems to be normal… But as the writer says it is not normal, and in no way ever is it acceptable, and this is indeed one of the most powerful doorways that Universal Medicine opens up for us all. We just have to choose to walk through that door.
I recently attended a work meeting where I could feel the level of anxiety and stress everyone was feeling and it wasn’t until I allowed myself to share how this felt so harming and exhaustive on my body that others felt there was a permission given to feel safe enough to feel the same.
When we bring our love in to the work place it not only reflects in the quality of our work, but everyone around us too.
How has it come to pass that such dreadful pervasive debilitating condition like anxiousness can be taken as almost normal, just something that everyone has an we put up with and gloss over and tranquillize… This is indeed a reflection on the state of humanity and society today, and is so far from what we truly can be
Hi MAS it shows enormous maturity to recognise your part in workplace dynamics and pretty admireable your intent on creating a harmonious space in the workplace
MAS, you and your colleagues are indeed blessed to work in a loving, supportive, collaborative workplace. You have done really well to shift the culture, just shows you what one person can do.
What a joy it would be to work along side you in the workplace.
A great reflection on workplaces, MAS. It is interesting to feel the difference in a workplace when we let others in and as you have described,sometimes we put up walls of protection so no-one can get near us. The reflection of our openness to others and allowing others in is very powerful.
Thank you MAS.
It feels very key to call out abuse in the workplace for what it is and know that no one deserves to be treated as less than another.
I have gone through quite a huge career shift, and in this, I left a job that I really thought defined me. As I now have walked away it has given me the space to see that in this role i felt responsible for changing the industry and everyone in it and making a huge difference – but in thinking that I was exhausted, trying to please everyone and not simply being me. I was being abusive to myself. So I left and I am now working in a totally different company where I have naturally inspired others by being myself first.
Everything is energy and everything is because of energy has been proven in your blog. Your observations and choice to change your relationship with yourself facilitated amazing changes in all other relationship at work and shows how being honest and taking responsibility for your own part is a deal breaker. I loved the way your body brought your attention to the much needed changes through an injury. Thank you MAS
There is so much abuse in workplaces, I have experienced it myself and also witnessed it too. Christine, you made however, such a great point. That everything is energy and everything is because of energy and I agree, MAS’s blog very much reflects that. It was in how MAS changed the relationship with herself, which in turn began to change relationships around her. Really amazing.
Who was abusing who? A very honest question you posed yourself. It is not only ‘it takes two to Tango’, as I usually say, but after reading your blog, it might even be ‘it takes one person to bring love and harmony to a workplace.’
This is the key MAS, you share here… ” introduce gentleness and self-nurturing into my daily life and in time, love for myself started to expand…”
This is what initiates the turning point for change, and it certainly does change the way we have a relationship with ourselves and the way we have relationships with other people. This is a vital preventative health measure, as the effects of introducing gentleness and self nurturing stop the anxiousness and stress that physiologically do have detrimental effects on our body, that over time can lead to physical symptoms.
You are spot on MAS, Love is what is needed in all relationships, and that includes workplace relationships too. So how does it start and what does that look like?… Its not being all ‘lovey-dovey’ with each other, rather it starts with self care and self love and then bringing this steady, beautiful quality and expression of you to everything and every person we meet.
It is a beautiful science that when we become more loving and tender towards ourselves the world around us changes.
Beautifully put Samantha
I love this Samantha, how powerful is our own love, life changing indeed.
The statistic of workplace abuse and harassment is staggering MAS, thank you for sharing this. It is a snap shot of what is going on in our community, and how this would impinge on the health and wellbeing of people. Question that needs to be asked is Why do people harass and abuse one another? Where’s the love? harmony? for if one inflicts abuse onto another this surely would indicate internal abuse going on for that person? This is indeed a reflection of the state of dis-ease in our community.
Great sharing MAS. It only takes ‘one’ to make changes introducing self love into their lives and the effect has a huge ripple effect on those that come into contact with that ‘one’. From what you share with us it clearly shows that barriers are dismantled and replaced with openness and paves the way for more open expression/honesty and so much more. Whether working relationships or relationships in our everyday livingness Love being the foundation everything else will fall gently into place.
“There must be love in business just as much as there must be love in all our relationships”… I Totally agree with this statement, as our health and wellbeing is our business. Relationships are fundamental in all aspects of our work, and personal health and wellbeing. Relationships are what makes any business thrive.
It is so easy to consider ourselves as victims to workplace bullying. Your comment “So in the end it was difficult to determine whether I was reacting to others or whether they were reacting to me.” made me realise that it is not always quite as simple as one bullying another. It seems to me that more often than not it is two people who feel hurt that they have not been appreciated, respected or acknowledged, therefore they are reacting and lashing out as opposed to understanding and communicating. This might be over simplifying but the key is clearly to take a step back and always look at how protected we are from being hurt and seeing if, as a result, we give off an energy that is prickly and others might be reacting too as well. We cannot change another persons behaviour but we can change our own.
This is wonderful to read as I tend to struggle at work in being myself. I tend to put up all kinds of barriers and deflection shields as way of protection, but actually all I am doing is keeping my love in and the love of others out. This hurts, achieves nothing, and makes the day a misery. Recently however, I have come to feel how much more supportive it is to pay attention to the quality of my movements at work, as these can really support my general sense of well being and the harmony within the group.
Nobody really wants to work where there is bullying and harassment but it has become very common. A few important things I got from this blog were:
Not to take it personally, realize others are reacting from hurts.
That it is not helpful to see it in terms of victims and perpetrators, we all have our part to play, and we all have to take greater responsibility.
With greater love for self we can bring that love to our workplaces
“I found it much easier to say No to the abusive behavior and could do so in a way that was firm and to the point, yet constructive and rational.” thank you for sharing this MAS.
One person choosing love can ignite that same spark of love in others in the workplace. This is magic. When a group of people work together with a foundation of love then there are no limits to what can be achieved as there are no distractions from emotional conflict.
As we spend so much time at work it is in all our best interest to make the work environment one of harmony and positive interactions, this would greatly reduce stress, absenteeism and staff turnover, and I am sure it would also improve productivity.
MAS, it is interesting to see how we can change the configuration of things around us when we apply self love to ourselves daily. Then people’s attitude slowly starts changing over time. When connect one to another and be more present also is super important. I have been into situations where people where very abusive towards me and sometimes the best we can do is to stay away from the abuse simply by leaving the workplace. I also understand that depending where we live, finding another job is not always that simple!
It really is like having a giant serpent asleep at the bottom of your bed that we just ignore, stress at work is absolutely awful , destructive, debilitating and it doesn’t have to happen… well, it does entail humanity redefining its relationship with itself, its understanding that nurturing each individual redefines the whole, so there is work to be done, but it is definitely possible
I love the commitment you made to living lovingly and how this transformed not only the way you view work and the relationships within but how that clearly affected everyone you worked with. Work cannot be void of love due to the relationships that lie at the foundation of any organisation, and the power of it as you have shown is undeniable.
Superbly powerful MAS – the change that can be made through expressing lovingly in any situation is profound and with so much of our time spent at work this is much needed to bring an end to such abhorrent abusive behaviour in our workplaces.
Agreed 100% MAS – ‘There is a work model here that reveals in simplicity and beauty – love is our way forward and our workplace relationships need it too.’ I love how you have brought awareness to what our role is in experiencing abuse in workplaces. As even if we observe abuse taking place and do nothing about it we are in effect equally responsible for allowing the culture of abuse to develop. And what you have also highlighted is how much change just one loving person can bring to a workplace – truly powerful.
What you have touched on MAS in this article is critical and paramount. Abuse in the workplace is prolific. But what I am deeply inspired by in this article is that the responsibility lays with us all – that even the victim is abusing by pulling down the shutters and not letting anyone in.: “So in the end it was difficult to determine whether I was reacting to others or whether they were reacting to me. Who was actually abusing whom?” In essence we are all deeply hurt when love is not in existence because it is our innate expression that cannot be denied or shut down – so if it is not occurring around us, the hurts and reactions will be popping off all over the place. Thank you for this article.
This is a powerful blog. It shows me how important it is to look at ourselves and own our part of what we bring to relationships so that there is not blame, and allows the possibility of building true connection with others.
The figures you’ve shared on workplace bullying are staggering MAS – yet unfortunately not really surprising. How ‘out of control’ and irresponsible we have become as a society made up of fellow human beings, that we can behave towards each other with such harshness and lack of true respect – let alone love.
I deeply appreciate how you have taken us through your own personal healing in regards to these relationships in this blog MAS – and taken us to the depth that you have, where it’s not only about learning to say ‘no’ to what’s not ok (an essential step, always), but also to take full responsibility for the doors we ourselves may have held shut to others. Doors which when closed, never allow another the opportunity to be met with love – and so the cycle of abuse is permitted if not fuelled, to continue. I am left with much food for pondering, as to any area of life and relationships where I may not open my heart in full to my fellow man.
This is an incredible turn around, to take not only yourself to a level of honesty and responsibility that has brought you to a place of loving yourself and being open in the workplace, but also the amazing and positive effect your revelations have had on the workplace overall. Awesome job MAS.
Agree Jo – it is amazing what just one person can offer to a group. I have to admit I find even that concept a little overwhelming as I enter a new workplace rife with disharmony – but I can already feel just having honest conversations about how it is and choosing another way is already making a small difference.
Like you MAS I too was once motivated by career progression and now have changed my focus on living lovingly each and every day, everywhere and with everyone – with no perfection. No amount of money or recognition from professional achievements can offer the deep sense of purpose, feeling of love, joy and harmony in my body I experience from living this way of life.
This is a powerful read. All the times I have felt awkward or abused in the workplace without speaking up or addressing it. This happens alot in Hospitality.
Yes Abby, it does happen in hospitality a lot but addressing it can be simply realising you are not a victim and looking at the part you play in the game of abuse.
Your blog is truly amazing MAS. I have just so enjoyed revisiting it. There is so much depth, personal growth and realisations in all that you share. The model you so clearly present is indeed so simple and so beautiful – I wonder if there is any other true way really to bring love in business, and as an extension in all our relationships. Everyone needs to look at their part. Thank you – and indeed let’s make love our way forward
Couldn’t agree more MAS. Love IS our way forward every step of the way, wherever we are, whomever we’re with!
A little while back I realised that I compartmentalised how I behaved with different behaviours according to different settings. When I realised this was happening I could see how much this meant I was holding back in certain areas and the negative effect of this on myself and others. It was quite revealing to see my part in what was occurring and since that time I have made a real effort to be open to all, regardless of where I am.
Having recently left school and entered full time work, it is really interesting to observe how the same ‘playground’ antics that I witnessed at school, play out at work just simply in a different context and environment. At first I didn’t fully pick up on it, thinking I had left that behind, but the need to fit in that everyone has in school is still there when they go to work, and fuels the same behaviour. I suddenly noticed that behaviours I hadn’t used since I was in lower school were reappearing now I was in a smaller group of people that I had more change of being able to fit in with. It is interesting to observe when there is technically no issues, no bullying and abuse, and yet the relationships are not truly harmonious. Since realising this, I have been working on just being me with each person, and it is a great thing to begin learning to do in my workplace.
MAS, excellent blog. What I realize more and more. My relationship to work is a great reflection of how much I’m committed to life in general. I can’t really separate one life area from another. As many have said before, it is so important to be present all the time, no matter what we do or where we are.
“Who was actually abusing whom? These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.”
I have noticed this in some workplaces, the ‘bullies’ feeling as though they themselves have been bullied, each ‘side’ in reaction from behind their respective shields, it gets very muddy with the blame and resentment that festers.
I have also seen change similar to what you mention here MAS, where one person began to take responsibility for the way they were with themselves and others, dropping the guard, attending to themselves in a more loving way and quietly the whole dynamic changed and people started supporting and appreciating each other. Simple.
It is totally amazing that one person can have such a profound effect on a whole workplace, but MAS has clearly shown that we need to be the change we want to see in the world!
“Simplicity and beauty – love is our way forward and our workplace relationships need it too.” It’s all too easy to put our attention into parts of our life and make them more important than others but as we regard all parts to be equal we can bring an equal amount of love, respect, honesty and truth to each area and thus allow harmony and joy everywhere. Something I am working on, having felt the benefits already, as I make long overdue changes.
Beautiful blog and such an important subject bringing love and harmony to the workplace where we spend much of our lives and is a very important key part of it. Our relationships with everyone but firstly with ourselves coming from absolute honesty is the key to love each other and the harmony in the workplace evolves from this. It only takes one to pave the way as you say,thank you for this reflection.
Your blog has beautifully exposed the power of understanding and how important it is to have in each and every part of our lives.
Wow MAS this is such an inspiring read. The power of one person choosing love and the ripple effect thereafter, gorgeous to feel, and how you must enjoy your working relationships now. This is a lesson we can take into our relationships in all areas of our life, thank you.
Yes … workplace bullying is endemic and the major stressor in the corporate world, but why is this so, what is the root of this. As with all bullying, it has been rendered to and now is being rendered forth. When we understand the deep hurt that is behing all bullying and abuse, we will get an inkling of how deeply disturbed this society is.
Yes I have in the past experienced bullying in the workplace and the effect on the body and my health was huge. Bringing love and understanding to people and their issues supports you in understanding whats going on for people. Ive noticed that when Im fully clear and present it has a ripple effect and people feel it too in them. It does change the work place environment, and it makes opening up issues at work easier. Thank you MAS, for bringing us your insight.
Thanks MAS for sharing with us that work can be more than personal success when we make it about people and community. I have found that the more I get to know the team I work with, honour what their strengths are and how they support the team, we are able to work with so much harmony. With this comes honesty and lots of fun and laughter too.
As we spend so much of our time at work and have some of the most significant relationships with colleagues it is devastating when the atmosphere is tense or harassment or bullying exists. I value a workplace where people support and encourage others and are not constantly looking to find fault or allay blame.
I have worked in a few places where there are office politics at play, it changes the whole atmosphere of the work place when people are playing games for their own agenda. It makes it difficult and unsettling for those that are there, this can also lead to bullying which is completely unacceptable. What I have found is when you all work together, not only is the atmosphere different, the amount of work that gets done is of a higher quality.
Thank you for the reminder MAS that a work place can be harmonious and run smoothly without having an under tone of abuse, no matter how subtle it may appear. I have recently been having conversations with my colleagues who are voicing more of what they see as bullying and abuse – it’s time people spoke of these things more often, because at the moment it seems to be acceptable behaviour and has become our normal.
Love is certainly the way forward MAS, I love the way that you looked at your part in the abuse as well and how much that you changed the entire work place by coming back with a truer way of being. You have changed the energetic quality of the whole business so everyone wins.
There are many unspoken expectations in the workplace which can feel abusive. Tasks that could be shared, not from a place of ‘I should’ or ‘I have to’ but from a place of ‘I want to …’. If we look at the value each team member brings to an organization, then the feeling is so very different to when we look at ‘ranking’. If we look at value, then anyone can tidy up after they have used the kitchen, anyone can organize a morning tea, anyone can empty the bin, and most importantly, anyone can start a conversation to express themselves and iron out the subtle abuses that creep into our workplaces.
I really appreciated your description of the different and at times subtle examples of harrassment. Overiding things like lack of information or having a voice at work is similar to how at times I do not honour my own feelings and voice inside.
I am getting to understand how important it is for us to express and not hold back in fear of reaction. The hierarchy in a workplace can often impede this, but especially when we are addressing people of a higher position, it is vital to not hold back.
This is such a gorgeous confirmation about how we have the power within us to transform our experience of work. It is so easy to blame the outside environment for how we feel and think that we have to put up with it and wait until others around us change. Inspiring that you chose to reflect on how you were living and consider your own part in the story as well and consider changes within yourself. I particularly loved reading how you started to put love first and how everything started to turn around.
I learned that it can be effective pointing things out to colleagues, with great respect to everyone involved, as people get caught up in ‘acting out’ their hurts and cannot see the ripple effects of behaviours.
MAS this was a great article to re-read as you reminded me again that it is the quality that we each bring to the workplace that can determine how we interact with others. For myself I can feel how often I have closed off from letting other people in and this in itself has led to conflict. I feel there is a deep responsibility we each have in being open with all others, as it enables true working relationships to develop. The more I bring my true self to work the more I am finding my relationships with others are improving. It feels like a much truer way to be.
Wow MAS, it’s great to re-read this article, it is amazing how us bringing love into the workplace can change everything and create harmony instead of conflict, it is inspiring to read how you said no to the abuse and how you stopped taking things personally, ‘bring true connection and tenderness to the workplace.’ I can feel how powerful this is and how all work places have the potential to be harmonious, supportive and loving places. I recently worked in a very abusive workplace where there was a lot of tension and conflict, by staying steady and not reacting and not taking things personally the situation has changed, and it has been amazing to feel how calm and harmonious this place is when I am there now.
It is so important to be honest about what we are feeling. If we are judging others, manipulating them, making them small, or separate from them by putting them on a pedestal. Only when we honestly look at all of those patters will we be able to find out why we do it and from there start to heal ourselves, all our relationships and much more.
It would be easy to look at my week and see one misery-go-round of loveless meetings. However it is not all doom and gloom and,if it were, would it not be up to me to bring light and love into these dark corners? If I choose to stay in such a situation it is foolish to do anything but be the greatest love I can possibly be.
Like you MAS there was a time I drove to work anticipating what was ahead for me in the day. I missed the point of feeling heavy hearted because I was already in defence mode from the time I got up in the morning building up my protective guard to be ready for any attack from work colleagues. Eventually I started to question the way I was building up a drama before there was any evidence of being any. I soon understood that I was only getting back what I was bringing into the workplace. These days I go with the appreciation and gratitude of what every person I come in contact with bring in reflection for me. I also chose to bring my lightness of being which I have found to bring an incredible difference to my relationships and the relationships of all.
Those certainly are alarming workplace harassment figures! I number among them. And agree with you that everyone has a role to play and it does not serve to label anyone as victim or tyrant. Not to say that overt abusers should not be reported and dealt with appropriately. But bringing love into a workplace gives everyone the space to express so that abuse has less ground to stand and continue on.
I find your use of the word ‘relentless’ with reference to working interesting and very telling. Relentlessness is often seen as a valued trait in the workplace. Indeed, where I work, it is part of the mission statement, that we all be ‘relentless’ in our pursuit of the collective goal. I see this a false vision and one that is very much counter to the caring environment you have shared here, MAS. I’m currently trying to have it replaced by the word ‘consistent’…..which I feel is much more humane.
Agree – I’m up for replacing many of the words like ‘relentless’ used in business that are full of the energy of driving, competition, being better-than, sacrificing self for profit, stress, etc. ‘Consistent’ makes sense – the consistency of steady work in harmony with each person’s body, each other person, and the overall rhythm of life and work. What corporations don’t get is that their productivity and profit would probably increase when there are only well-balanced, healthy, co-operating employees and partners!
Big business is about money not people. They keep staff deliberately insecure and unsure so they strive harder to get approval, which in a way works. What these money hungry corporate machines are missing is the quality factor. Achieving at work is not always what it may seem, you might have a day were you don’t make as much money or don’t land as many clients but the relationships and interactions you are building are equally important. It can be a conversation with an old man that is a ‘nobody’ that ends up bringing amazing things for the company. If we are pushing and driving our employees than this magic is not available as it only comes with natural rhythms, it cannot be forced or manufactured.
I really know that feeling MAS of believing you have to watch your back and then becoming anally focused on documenting everything. Whilst we need to be responsible and keep a record of things, doing it from a place of stress and anxiety and so we don’t get caught out is not a healthy way to work and puts a lot of strain on our bodies and impacts our emotional and mental well-being, let alone our work environment. Whereas when being really organised, recording accurately and keeping systems up to date are done with joy and care it has a very different affect on our health and well – being and on the atmosphere in our work environment.
Often it seems quite confronting to look at a situation of disharmony by considering how we have contributed to bring it to that point. However I have found whenever I have chosen to ask the question and be honest, I have felt much more empowered and not so trapped by the events, and the whole situation has started to unfold and open up.
Yes Golnaz. When a friend was honest with me and made me look at how I was contributing to workplace dynamics, it really stung. But in accepting my part, it helped me to not go into the endless drama of being a victim who blamed another for hurting me. Instead I was able to bring more maturity and awareness to the situation and make some needed changes to how I responded to that person.
MAS what a beautiful example of the ripple effect; you made the choice to change how you were being and slowly those around you began to feel those changes and make changes of their own. For me it reinforces what has taken me a while to understand and to live, and that is, I can’t change or save any one else, but if I begin to choose to live in a more harmonious way the harmony within me then naturally flows on to all I share my life with, and even those I meet, if only for a moment. That is the power of the ripple effect.
With workplace dissatisfaction and absenteeism rates so high, your story is shocking but not surprising, and serves to highlight the importance of making people and relationships at work more important than just productivity.
As you point out Helen, work is so much more productive when the working environment and the quality of the working relationships is valued and fostered.
True Helen. I’m noticing that more and more. What’s the point of just getting the job done if you didn’t stop to enjoy the process along the way with the team around you.
Spot on Helen Simkins, in my experience if you build great relationships with your staff then they will do anything for you and are super productive. If you push people or try to control everything and create ‘perfection’ in the workplace you end up with disgruntled staff and a body that is filled with stress, which is damaging for your health and well being.
I loved reading your sharing MAS, very inspiring to hear about the transformation within your work. It highlights for us how we can really make a huge difference if we just step up, speak up and honour ourselves within workplace relationships.
I am feeling more and more how precious it is to build true relationships at work. If everyone made this their foundation on going to work there would be a love revolution at work. Thank you MAS for sharing your powerful story and how through choosing love for yourself you have brought true connection to your workplace.
MAS I am starting to understand just how important having Love in business actually is and also how this can be built up through genuine appreciation, responsibility and commitment in the day-to-day activity of the business. At the same time trying to “tell” someone to appreciate or commit I’ve learnt does not work. What you’ve shared so clearly is that its through the way we live. I’ve found at work the more I commit to a harmonious relationship with myself and those around me naturally everything changes and we can start to build a foundation of love at work.
The impact when one person makes changes in their lives by choosing to be more loving and tender is ginormous, they affect everyone, not just in the workplace. This blog is a beautiful testament of what can happen to any situation when we take responsibility for our lives. Appreciating ourselves consistently I am finding is key and something I am beginning to do. In fact, reading this blog made me realize I had some appreciating to do and once I let go of the resistance I felt so much better.
‘I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day’. Motivation theories abound, rarely have I seen it expressed so simply and profoundly. What a huge difference it would make if management programmes explored the power of love to transform toxic team relationships. I’m about to work with a team experiencing disharmony. Re-reading your blog confirms how much the quality of presence of the team leader impacts on quality of relationships within teams.
It’s extraordinary how much one person can have such a far-reaching and deep impact on the quality of relationships within and organisation (or anywhere for that matter). It’s so easy to stay small with an attitude of ‘what can I do I’m only one person’ but your experience MAS blows this out of the water and exposes it for the rather pathetic, and it has to be said, arrogant way of living life. It only takes one person to make loving changes in their life for others to feel supported and inspired to do the same. This I absolutely know from meeting Serge Benhayon. The reflection of living a loving way he has consistently offered since 2000 has inspired many hundreds, myself included, to make loving changes to our own lives and thus, offer a reflection for anyone we meet in return.
Very true Lucy. We have the potential to impact so many people – in a way that is healing or not. It is amazing to see what one person can do. We can easily feel alone and question how we can make a difference, but when we really do feel our joy and love it is hard to keep it to ourselves. I have been in difficult workplaces before where people really appreciated the quality I brought to the workplace, even though many times it was a real challenge to be there. It made me realise not to underestimate the power of presence. And all we have to do is exactly that.. just be present.
Thank you MAS, for sharing with us the power of change of one person, and how this can affect the world. This truly is the new business model, and the reason why those statistic are so shocking is to realise- how many people are living like this- how come this is the norm and not true connection or love? Why are these foreign words in the world- when they are our natural human instincts and feelings?
What I realized and could observe in my workplace(s) during the years is that actual problems which are related to the business at itself are either complicated by the stressed relationships between the people involved or that they are actually solved very easily if people are in unity and harmony with each other. The reason is that every involved person brings in their personal stuff (unless he or she is able to detach) which influences the communication and evolving of a project. You may say, no that can’t be like that. I say, yes it it can. An open and honest approach with each other solves much miscarried projects.
I agree Sonja. If we take responsibility in being with harmony with ourselves, being in harmony with our colleagues would come naturally, and all challenges can be faced with a commitment to finding the answer that brings harmony to all. This is the opposite of the widely chosen path that many of us take when we are at work, or even with our families and friends.
MAS, what a huge shift in workplace politics.
In all the companies I have worked with I too have felt or seen this dynamic. Even a power play can be bullying – as there is no love or equality there. Sometimes very subtle bullying can be the most destructive – ie an abusive comment said as a joke every now and then. For you to now be in a work environment where you simply do not allow this, and allow your care and sensitivity to shine through, is very beautiful.
Thank you MAS for a powerful sharing. It is inspiring to read how you recognised the behaviour in yourself was contributory to the quality of your work situation and then how this can change once the protection is dropped and love can be reflected instead. I am finding that unless I connect with people at work and develop an understanding of them I stay in the reactions and tension of what everyone and myself brings into work. I am learning it simply is about being present with me and feeling this is enough. The rest just then unfolds.
I totally agree. Those walls of protection that we put up to avoid being ouselves can come on many forms and are physically draining and keep people out. It was great to read your blog
Wunderbare MAS that is the best working concept ever – LOVE – Thank you so much for your sharing your story – it shows that everything is possible it we are who we are – LOVE!
Great to read your before and after and to feel the difference in your own power when describing your behaviour in both scenarios. The concept of true love at work – one that is not about romance or emotional needs being met – is increasingly finding a voice in organisational culture debate and even the hot topic at some conferences. People want more than just career development and self-actualisation. They want to be a part of something with a shared purpose, to engage, support, connect and feel the kind of tenderness that you’ve described. Bring it on!
This is truly powerful MAS. You choosing love and the changes this has brought to the workplace is huge, and then to consider the ripple effect this has. All these colleagues who respond to the change go home and bring this new alignment to their family and friends, that is enormous.
Love in business as is love in our relationships. Great call Victoria. Considering we spend more time at work than we do at home, it does make sense that love should be just as important at work as it is at home. A recent university study done on Universal Medicine showed that it is indeed possible to have love in the workplace. If one business can do it then surely others can too.
‘As I became more loving and tender with myself I started to see the world and people around me a little differently.’ I love this line, what you are saying here is profound, that when you begun to treat yourself differently everything you saw was different. Similarly I have found that when I feel super loving and tender with myself I can’t help but be super loving and tender with others, and my whole vision and view of the world changes, alternatively if I am not loving with myself then I am usually more cold and judgemental of others.
Thank you MAS for this post. We spend a lot of time at work and it feels very important that our workplaces are harmonious. We are all responsible for creating that harmony. Your approach to dealing with workplace bullying, which is to deal with your own reaction to it and then to speak up and say NO without that reaction or charge is very powerful.
I totally agree, the amount of time I spend at work out weighs time spent anywhere else. This is even more reason to make sure we do not sweep things under the carpet and we look at what you part we may play in any situation.
One person can make the change. I have recently started a new job and within a couple of weeks, I have already such beautiful and intimate relationships with my colleagues. I share me and they love it. We talk about life, relationships, food, challenges, expression, hair cuts, holidays, meditation etc. When I come in, I can tell how much they appreciate me, also by the things they say. We are all such huge inspirations for each other and for me the highlights of my working days, are the connections with my colleagues/people I meet. It has been only a few weeks, but it feels I have known them forever.
I too love the connections I make with colleagues and they are indeed just as important as the ones I have with family. My relationships with them are enriching and they make work a joy.
I love how you admit that once you were focussed on your career progression.
How many people are out there focussed on the same thing?
It is certainly not yet the norm to have a focus on people in the workplace but making true and lasting change as you have is an inspiration in how you can re-imprint the quality of what you bring to work and life.
Our true work place is Life is it not? And more so our inner life. This is a truly inspirational blog MAS, one everyone should read. As you have so eloquently indicated our pace of employment is a microcosm that reflects how we are with ourselves and our general outlook and well-being. As soon as we hold anyone separate to ourselves, judge, compete or carry an ‘us and them attitude’ we are part of an insidious game. I had cause to speak to the Work Cover Insurance Lady over the phone the other day I could feel, as the conversation went on, that she became more and more relaxed, lighter and at ease; she dropped her ‘official’ guard and it felt like I was talking to a dear close friend. Its so wonderful to feel this more and more as I become my own cherished dear close friend.
Dear MAS, my deep appreciation for what you have done and are living now on a daily basis within yourself and your workplace. It touched me deep, because it brings up all the topics of avoidance and protection in my life in regard to workplaces. I always have been self-employed, not because I love to work alone, but because I felt, that I couldn’t stand all of what you have described in your blog. So it was a choice out of protection with all the consequences afterwards. In the last years I am realizing more, that my whole work-life long, I was in a withdrawal. I always thought, that I did’t want to exposure myself to abusive situations, where I can not decide to go, realizing now, that I did not ever consider it to be possible to change the situation by saying no to abuse and open up to love!
You have revealed it beautifully, that the withdrawal is already an reaction and sustains, what I wanted to avoid. Interestingly, it is the same for me, working as self-employed, I have the same protection-patterns as you described, with supplementary protection of mostly being in the privacy of my home. But I also realized, that I am able to change my situation and the situation of my work-place – in relationship with everyone I work with – through becoming more self-loving and bringing love into my working routine and the contact with my clients. Meanwhile, I had the opportunity to have insight into many work-places of the businesses of my clients, so now I consider this was for me like: ok, I start by studying it from a safety distance first. But it was (and is) also a great opportunity to understand much more. Thank you for bringing even more awareness to this for me. I can say, that I am looking forward, how the working world will change and I will be a part of both: the working world and the change.
What an incredible transformation: “I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day”
If we consider how significantly business shapes the world we live-in (one of the largest contributors without doubt) – for there to be a greater loving influence within our organisations, can only be an awesome thing. The farther up the tree this love extends, the bigger the possibility of direct and true change becomes.
There must be love in business and work relationships as in all other relationships, yes, i completely agree. I wonder why we would ever have considered that the workplace or our business would not have such a foundation. And, if not love as a foundation, then what precisely IS the foundation and why would we subscribe to the normality of something that is so abusive that the stats show that “2.5 to 5 million will experience workplace harassment at some time during their career.”?
It is very revealing that it takes two for any abuse to take place, but being in the victim role it is nearly impossible to see how one contributes to the situation. Interesting to realize that actually both feel to be a victim of some hurt and from there on their mechanisms of protection dominate the behaviour. The simple formula: Is it love or not?! is enough to expose the apparent conundrum for the lie that it actually is as we are love by nature and to not be that love is simply an illusion we buy into as long as we don´t identify, heal and let go of our hurts. And then we realize that even the hurts are part of the illusion.
Great comment Alex. I love the simple formula ‘Is it love or not?’ So often there is a lack of love in the workplace and more and more I am seeing what is not love through the subtle ways people interact and find their place of comfort within their workplace even though this might feel comfortable at all. This stifles those relationships and does not allow them to grow. How wonderful MAS that you have chosen self responsibility and love as your way at work and the amazing turnaround there has been as a result.
MAS I love that you have brought this back also to self-responsibility in our workplace, Self Care and being open hearted to all. These are crucial factors in addressing this ongoing issue of workplace bullying. Truly connecting to colleagues and allowing them in is a game changer for sure.
There is one thing which is vitally important for me in this blog: Only one person, who dares to express from his/her essence and what he/she feels can change and inspire a whole workplace and more. Imagine if more would act like this, how big would be the ripple effect? No judgment just openness and growing awareness.
For a long time I had not realised that if I was just closed off focused on my work, I was giving out a message I was not approachable. So people would stay away from me, and feel they could not approach me. It wasn’t until I realised that every movement or gesture of my body, gives some form of a message to others. As I started to open up and change my ways, staff and colleagues started to find it easy to approach me. Our openness makes such a difference, allowing people to approach us with out holding back.
“There is a work model here that revels in simplicity and beauty – love is our way forward and our workplace relationships need it too.” I agree MAS…if the foundation of all our relationships is love, life is very harmonious.
This is such an important topic, relationships within the workplace are not harmonious in so many areas. Bringing the change in how you were living and allowing yourself to open up has showed us what difference we can make to our own environment by the way we live and this in turn effects all those around us. A blog which clearly shows how we impact our own life, no need to blame others we need to look first at how we are living.
In saying no to bullying from a place of love it is deeply honouring of all involved. I have been in a workplace situation where there was great resistance to love and tremendous pressure placed on fellow workers. Holding myself in love meant being super care-full and attentive to myself in everything I did from the time I entered the workplace and how important my rhythm was throughout each 24 hrs. While things did not change for the management, with whom I offered to sit and talk about what was going on many times, but they declined because they felt me and said no, it had a huge impact in fellow workers in all aspects of self care- how they dressed, their punctuality, how they supported each other.
MAS, thanks for your wisdom and honesty here. I have often played the victim in relationship conflict. Accepting my part in the dynamic has always helped to counter this victim mentality that is so easily engaged. It is refreshing to see the behaviour as a deep wall of protection as you described, which keeps another at a distance and prevents true connection.
There absolutely must be love in business! It is a must-have in the workplace. I have never experienced the kind of abuse that you speak of, MAS, but I have experienced work as someplace where people act in a way that they do not act in other parts of their lives. When you spoke of the feeling of wanting to hide your true self, I could totally relate. But I could also relate to the realisation that we do make a difference to those around us by choosing to allow others to see who we really are and to not accept that work life is about making everyone else happy, or just career progress, or being seen to be a ‘good worker’. To me, work is about making and building relationships. They are what makes it all go around. They build trust and they make work so much more fun!
I got to see last week where I was still affected, and therefore affecting others at work, by a hurt which stemmed from an incident which happened over 20 years ago, where I had been undermined at work by a boss. It was so great to recognise this, at last, realise it wasnt my real time experience so therefore had no power over me and to go to work the next day with a new openness towards of my current boss and fellow workers, no longer hampered by this hurt. How much lighter and simpler it felt.
Yes, I can relate to what you share here Jeanette. There was a person at my workplace that I used to shrink around and found it hard to be myself around them. Once I let go of what I was holding against myself with them, I saw them in a different light and now I really enjoy interacting and sharing me with them.
MAS I love how you have approached your new role at work – ‘I have started a new role in the same organisation and, in this role and for the first time, I have put love first.’ What a statement – to put love first. Who does that? Imagine a whole organization where that is the ethos? I know of one, and they are Universal Medicine. And you are obviously reaping the benefits of that because your relationships have all changed at work. I know when I have had difficulty at work its been all to easy for me to blame the situation on others. Like you I was prepared to look at my part in it and through making changes myself, everything changes. Thanks for sharing this very powerful blog.
What I also realize is, the more I become tender and more love, the people are changing around me and another connection between us is possible. That is just wonderful. It is all about true connection.
It is important to build ourselves a foundation of absolute love and tenderness, then we can more easily be in the world without the protection. A great and inspiring blog MAS.
I read an article the other day where men react more to having a female boss.
Why can there not be equality between male and female bosses.
What stops people from working in harmony with each other, just because you are a woman or man.
If people have differences in their positions at work, high time they sat and talked it out, rather than let things fester and then becoming unmanagable to recover.
Bringing love and harmony into the work place, would make for a better environment to work in, and more productive for the company.
Just imagine if all work places had a loving relationship within their walls that was healthy and glorious, what a fantastic place it would be to work in. You would never consider changing your job, unless you were headhunted to do the same with another work environment.
What you have described here MAS seems to be a fairly common way for a workplace to be, ‘For most of my working life I have been involved in or surrounded by abusive or disharmonious workplace relationships.’ As far as I have experienced there is a often a lot of discontent, little true support and encouragement, competition between people and certainly not harmony and love. It is beautiful to read how by ‘the way you connect with yourself and others’ it is possible to have love and harmony in the workplace.
“In each situation of conflict it always appeared that the other person was attacking, aggressive or rude towards me. However, I was failing to see that I was approaching people with a deep wall of protection in an attempt to not be hurt.” MAS I love how you bring such a strong sense of responsibility to this article, and not focused on blaming others. True change as you have so gorgeously outlined comes from self-responsibility and not blaming others, whilst being empowered to say no to abuse. #Self-ResponsibilityNotBlame a true way forward.
MAS – I totally agree that there must be love in business just as there must be love in relationships.
For the foundation of business is all about true relationships!
Harmony and love in the work place is such a beautiful reflection of how we can make a difference by living lovingly.Thank you for sharing this and inspiring the world how it can really be and not settling for the disharmony and abuse that so often exists in the work place and everywhere.Beautiful.
What a great thing you have done MAS, introducing love to the work place. A copy of this blog should be on the notice board in every staff room making everyone aware of the stats and how miserable a lot of people’s work lives are without this love.
Great point Kevin… it is stories like these that should make front page news and not who’s dating who and whatever latest scandal guaranteed to generate income but do very little if anything to truly serve humanity.
I 100% agree Kevin Mchardy, well said.
Great timing to read what you have written about abuse in the workplace Mas.
I can relate to approaching certain people with a hardness in my body- believing that I am needing to protect myself from them, but in hardening my body I am actually shutting them out . Am I then not harming them also?
I have already judged them as unapproachable or threatening , and not worthy of my love- ouch!
Great to nominate.
Yes, love needs to be the basis of all relationships, beginning with me.
I was noticing just yesterday how there is one person around whom I harden myself in the workplace, too, Loretta. I found that allowing my eyes to simply let in them allowed the hardness to melt. Awesome to have these awarenesses and be able to call them out and be done with them, though! I love it.
It is interesting how we harden our bodies with some people and not others. I have also recognized how I have hardened my body with certain people as though I am bracing myself for an attack. This I realize is becoming less in my life as I am learning to have understanding for others and to be more loving with myself especially by not attaching to the outcome.
Quite astonishing the amount of abuse at work highlighted in this blog. The helplessness people feel around being bullied goes to the heart of the issue – hurts that are not addressed for both parties and the way they react. In the approach being offered, there can be healing for all because in understanding and dealing with our own hurts, we surely then become free of the reaction to others and how they are dealing with their hurts, even if in a very different way to ourselves.
‘The helplessness people feel around being bullied goes to the heart of the issue – hurts that are not addressed for both parties and the way they react.’ I agree Simon so many feel a victim of what is happening to them at work without looking at the part they are playing. I have been there too and it was only when I recognised that this was a repeating pattern in my work life and the common denominator was me that things started to change. The support of Universal Medicine practitioners in working on my hurts has allowed me to be more open and loving at work and this has transformed my working relationships.
What I love about this blog is that it presents a great way forward for all my relationships. Ultimately we all want the same thing – just to feel loved and supported and cared for.
So often we all spend our days going to interactions a little wary – or unsure about how we are going to be received by others, and so we end up with two people starting in a kind of stand off that needs to be broken down or kept at only a certain level of trusting each other (if not being straight out aggressive to keep the guard up in case the other person is not open to us).
But what happens if we are the first ones to make a choice and let those guards down? If we are the first one to come into the situation open, and not protected or guarded? I have found that at first – while it can be a little scary – it soon naturally allows the other person to let go and relax – and find that they also like to relate to people with the guard.
And in fact the people that seem to be the hardest to relate to, the angry or aggressive ones, the bully at work, the ones who are always in a bad mood – are often the most sensitive and caring who just don’t know how else to get through the day. And shown a little tenderness, care and understanding they melt and change so easily.
Great article – thanks!
Gorgeous sharing Simon and spot on – thank you. Having the courage to drop your shield first really does pay of, you allow others to do the same and hence you get the best of people and not the worst. Our lives are what we make it.
I agree Simon that the people that seem the most angry or the bullies are actually the most sensitive people. This doesn’t excuse their behaviour, but as you say, if approached with tenderness and love, even those walls can be broken down.
Hear, hear Simon. I used to find this with customers when I worked in the retail sector. That sometimes people present with one huge guard that includes things such as: rudeness, abruptness, controlling behaviours, ‘nothing is never enough’ and the rest. This was a way to ensure that NO-ONE could ‘get in’ from the outset – what a mechanism to protect oneself from being hurt!
The thing was, I just stayed steady and responded with respect and fairness – doing my best (without perfection at times!) to stay with the person, see what was happening, and not react myself. In the end, every ‘difficult customer’ I had over many years’ experience (except for one only who I had to firmly ask to leave) ended up softening the hard shell. Many would return – adamant on seeing me when they did. Other staff even used to send the ‘hard ones’ to me – until I discussed with them about the possibility of not reacting themselves… And I got to meet the most amazing people and develop amazing relationships. As MAS has said, this is what it’s all about, isn’t it – the quality of how we are with each other. It takes but one to have an open heart…
What you have shared is a sweet perspective Simon and it is ultimately true. The people that ‘don’t care’ or are ‘slack’ are more likely to zone out or show up late. In my experience the feisty or pushier people attempt to control the situation so they feel safe and secure about the job being done, this does not work of course, as they usually struggle to express that deep care in a vulnerable way.
What an amazing approach to bring consideration, understand and respect to the work place.
And the other most import ingredient LOVE.
Thank you for bringing a topic that affects the large majority of society to the discussion table, especially when it’s not often discussed, if we consider how many billions of people are affected by workplace abuse it’s at epidemic levels. I can also see, as you’ve shared, that I am responsible for abusing others at work by the way I am and how I approach those people. Whilst I may not have a shouting match with them I certainly have held back being all of me. As I change my approach then we start to see far more harmony between people, yet it then becomes all our responsibility to have a harmonious workplace.
Sometimes I find that working is a challenge, especially when I have to meet deadlines and achieve set goals. But the complete solidarity I feel with my colleagues sets up each day to be more than just getting the job done, it becomes a day with people, and that is always a special day to have.
Why should our workplace relationship be different compared to others, the time we spend at our work are a lot of hours of the day. As you say ‘there must be love in business just as much as there must be love in all our relationships.’
I am discovering that where I go, where I work is not important but how I am where ever I am is what it is about.
I liked it when you say that by understanding that people were not attacking you, but reacting to something in them or in their life, you could say No to abuse more easily and firm but to the point, constructive and rational, because when I call out abuse, many times I come across as being too sensitive, so there is no end to it, people don´t accept it is abuse, or they justify it as: “she is like that, it is her personality, but she is really a good person underneath”. Thanks for sharing your healing process with abuse. I need to call it out in a way that does not leave me as the ultrasensitive victim cause that does not stop abuse.
MAS this is a wonderful blog, celebrating the new relationship that you have developed with yourself and therefore with others. I am greatly inspired. Thank you!
Absolutely MAS couldn’t agree more. It feels to me that our workplace environment is all about the relationships within it that lay the foundation for how well (or not), the business can truly serve.
Great point Giselle, without quality relationships between those within a company, the quality of the service or products they provide, will not be there.
Awesome MAS that you have highlighted the responsibility we all hold in relationships, that defensiveness to abusive behavior is also contributing to the abuse.
I love the responsibility in this blog – it’s huge to say that not only is the aggressive person abusive, but also the defensive person, because they are both equally hurting and rejecting each other. I have always been more the withdrawn kind of person, and it’s been huge for me to see that simply shutting someone out is just as abusive as the person who is infringing on your life, and I am just as much in the wrong. It’s also been huge for me to see that a situation like this can either be used to bring more love and openness into my life, or to continue to play at being a victim.
How I get prepared for work is already the night before, the way I put myself to sleep in a loving way, looking after my food and clothes, and making space in the morning for all I want to do. This allows me to feel very good within myself, and this feeling of lightness and readiness is what makes my work and all I do with this quality so pleasant.
I can relate to this Monika, the way that I am in my life and work can’t be separate and I am learning that to live lovingly with myself and my closest family can be no different to everyone that I work with or come in contact and connection with. I love the truth that MAS brought through when she spoke about holding herself in protection (not love) and therefore playing an equal part in the abusive relationships taking place.
A great point Cherise, we are not always aware of the harm protecting ourselves creates, ‘ holding herself in protection (not love) and therefore playing an equal part in the abusive relationships taking place.’ Love is the only way to be with self and everyone equally.
“The abuse which I experienced took many different forms and included being spoken to harshly and publicly, slamming doors, being overly-demanding, setting unachievable goals, ridiculing, starting malicious rumours, denying a voice, discriminatory comments and exclusion from information that related to my role.’
As has been said before, we need to look at what normal is and be fully aware of what abuse actually is. What you have stated here is bullying and abuse and it is time we all said no to it.
Goodness, what you are sharing here is worth writing about. There is so much bullying in workplaces that I wonder if a fair few don’t actually know they are the perpetrators not just the victim. Keep writing about what you are discovering.
I love how you have exposed that strange concept under which we have laboured for so long, MAS, namely that love and business are to be kept entirely separate. Why should this be so, when each person with whom we work is a living, breathing, feeling human being, just like us?
Over the years I have had my fair share of jobs and in many ways found it hard to be around people, but I can feel that things have and are changing the more I practise speaking up, not in defence but clear and firmly, but refusing to be bullied.
What this blog has made me realise is that perhaps it is difficult to discern or call out abusive behaviour from others when we are being abusive to ourselves. If I think about it, I can really bully myself sometimes. So it was a great point made in this blog that one of the keys to stopping abuse in our relationships is to develop a way of being that is more tender, more nurturing of ourselves, perhaps less critical and judgemental. Our first relationship is with ourselves.
I have found that when I do actually stop and ask myself how I feel about another’s behaviour more often than not, and this is building a momentum of repeatedly feeling this, is that if I ask myself if this is a reflection of how I have treated myself then the confusion as to why another is doing what they are doing starts to crumble away. How can I then react to their behaviours if I understand why they are doing it? because more often than not I get the space to feel more myself why I would choose to do those behaviours as well.
Yes you are so right here what you are saying Andrew, we cannot blame others for the way they treat us, we must look at the way we treat ourselves – is it in a loving way or judgemental and hard way. I cannot except from others what I am not allowing for myself in the first place.
It is so true Andrew, we do bully ourselves with expectations to be something other than who we are. Crazy.
“I can really bully myself sometimes” – Gosh, yes for me this is so true. I realised today as I read your comment that expecting myself to complete a particular level of work that is unachievable is really bullying myself. It is interesting isn’t it, that we can blame the workplace for working us so hard, and yet as I sat in my office alone, I realised that I was doing it to myself. Thank you so much Andrew for these words as they were just what I needed to make a significant change.
Well said Andrew, and the deeper our relationship is with ourselves the more we can simply observe and not take on all that goes on around us. It is truly an empowering stance to take and to feel how the abusive behaviour that may go on is always met to the best of our ability with a reflection of true Love.
Hi MAS, I made similar experiences and underwent this kind of chaos for many years at different workplaces. Due to a lack in self-worth and no appreciation for myself I allowed bullying towards me. I was not able to stand up and speak up for myself. Instead I kept reactions, my truth and all the tension inside my body.
Since I have started to heal this and have started to listen to my body, take self-loving choices and care for myself things have changed a lot. Even though it is very much important how I am with myself and treat myself, it is also very important what I bring to work and the relationships I have there. Do I go there being protected and just do my work in order to earn my money, or am I open and ready to connect with colleagues – that makes the difference. Therefore I am inspired by your words: „I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.“
I agree Jane, this is a conversation that most avoid, but one that is most needed, giving each one of us the opportunity to reflect on whether we have a part in any “abusive” events that are played out in our workplace, and to know that we actually do have the power to initiate change.
Very timely, thank you for your honest sharing. I got a lot out of reading your blog and reflecting on all the levels that can happen when we find ourselves in situations we don’t like.
‘Love is our way forward’, this is it! If we apply love to absolutely every aspect of our lives we would not experience any hurt or pain from ourselves or others. The way we choose to live can bring harmony and trust. What you have shared is so amazing, you have inspired people around you at work by choosing love in your life. The abuse and harassment you have described in your workplace is very common, I can image the tension and stress you all feel. You’ve managed to change that around. Thank you for sharing this, it is inspiring to us all and also highlights that change is possible when it is done with true love.
Great to nominate the wall of protection we use when we feel attacked. I have found there is a huge responsibility in the way we hold ourselves with others, this can truly change everything.
My automatic response is to put up my wall of protection when I feel attacked which is indeed good to nominate and be aware of because in this place of protection, I think I am keeping myself safe, but in fact I end up getting more hurt….. and also hurting the other, ouch….this old way of being is already walking out my door.
I totally agree Kate – the way we hold ourselves is the key to the relationship with others. We are the key to change everything the way we are with ourselves. I am looking at this from a different angle and ongoing deepening my view, there is so much more to discover when I am allowing to hold myself very loving and in a nurturing way.
I agree Sue. Career progression is terrific, it allows us to work at a bigger scale and often leads to work that is intrinsically more fun. Career progression as a way of not dealing with how we feel or as a way to numb ourselves or at the expensive of our livingness is not quite such a good idea.
The key is to have both – enjoyment and working to your potentials which can be very high.
MAS this is an inspirational sharing and the level of reflection and self honesty is deeply appreciated. It does not matter where our relationships are – business or personal – bringing our own love to every one of them holds a space from which others can choose to respond or to react. It is developing this love for our selves that is the key. We are not responsible for another’s level of connection to themselves. Thank you deeply for this sharing.
Thank you MAS for sharing your insight into the work place, when we stand in truth and express lovingly , that abuse is not acceptable we allow a spaciousness in our lives for others to make clearer choices and an opportunity to see another way that is all encompassing with a harmonious productive environment .
This is so true Paul, I have recently experienced a situation and a bullying energy in my workplace and as I said No to it, expressing in full to myself and another that this is not Ok and not what we are about in the workplace; I was amazed to see how everything changed. The foundation was re-set on love first and foremost and from there miracles can take place and people can choose harmony once again.
I’ve seen how workplace abuse affects people. In a recent situation, it was a senior HR Manager who people feared so they didn’t feel they could go to this person with their concerns about other Managers in the organisation. I saw how people felt helpless, complained about it, felt stressed, but nobody wanted to call out what was going on…I saw people leave the organisation as their way of dealing with it. So nothing ever changed.
I’ve observed that too, Sandra: people generally don’t like to call out what is going on, perhaps because of fear of reprisals or being seen as ‘robbing’ or whatever. The truth is, calling out abusive behaviour is a loving act , including for the one abusing at that moment, because it imprisons al of us to a state of being lesser than who we truly are. I guess the thing is to be offering a viable and discernible alternative to the behaviour we are calling out, so that everyone can see a different way forward.
I love the simplicity of not judging colleagues and putting a wall of protection up, but be open and how this allows people to come together and relate without suits of armor on. Feeling free to be oneself is what everyone really wants so it’s not surprising people respond once they begin to trust again.
True this: “Feeling free to be oneself is what everyone really wants”. We’ll never experience work places full of the people free in their expression and open, unless the environments are more loving, understanding and managed with a more intimate approach.
Really liked this.. So true, the reflection one person offers to the work place is remarkable
This is beautiful MAS that you do not differentiate your home life and relationships from work and the relationships there. In that, the equality you bring is felt by your work colleagues and the affect of it is clearly seen in the trust and appreciation you describe of your new work role.
Yes I agree Rosanna and what I like to add is that this equality is something we all could introduce in our life because it is in a positive way so infectious as we can see in the example from MAS. Imagine how life would be . . .
I was struck by how you/we endure a situation because it seems ‘normal’. Perhaps it is that the role has always been this way since we started, or everyone else accepts the same abuse. Your new way, introduced from the growing respect and love you are building for yourself, shows there is a powerful alternative and can act as an inspiration to others and the whole organisation. Love can bring powerful change in any situation.
Mas I couldn’t agree more. The more openness, care and responsibility I live the more this reflects in my workplace. Previously difficult relationships with some colleagues have become collaborative, and it is powerful to see how much each person brings to the whole.
I loved the level of self-responsibility you have, by saying you were approaching people with a deep wall of protection, which is a kind of abuse. How often do we do this in life, and then blame others for reacting to us.
Well said Thomas, the self responsibility that MAS goes to stood out to me too, it really cuts the whole victim angle when you look at life from this perspective.
Thank you for sharing your experience here MAS, I have experienced a similar thing; and yes it’s really important to speak up against the abuse when it happens, but equally so to have a look at our part in it. You have done that beautifully. Everything that happens to us is a reflection of something we need to look at or choose to allow more awareness. Everybody working with you is blessed by what you bring.
Great to read this again, thank you MAS
What a powerful blog, A blueprint showing how to deconstruct workplace dynamics that lead onto workplace bullying. Your experience absolutely shows how taking the time to self care, (like how you took counsel with a trusted practitioner) how this then facilitated more care to be brought into the workplace, ultimately changing the whole workplace environment.
This is great MAS – it brings the understanding that if we want the environment and circumstances around us to change we have to first address that change within ourselves. It shows the true power of opening up and allowing others in so that they can truly see us for who we are and that if we let our protective guard down others will do so as well. The change in your workplace from bullying to one of tenderness and connection is magical.
MAS whats come up reading your blog again is the willingness to take a look at my workplace and to lay a marker in the ground at what we as a company will or will not accept. By working together with everyone in the company we can then deepen the level of quality we have. After all why should office dynamics, putting downs etc.. be tolerated? In the past business was about selling more widgets and so the quality of harmony may not have been so critical (or so we thought). Today, when true business is about people and the level of quality and harmony being lived in the office then before widgets comes a foundation of love, honesty and truth – with that we can then have a business that truly serves people.
This feels like a great way for businesses to operate David, ‘a foundation of love, honesty and truth – with that we can then have a business that truly serves people.’ This feels like an important foundation for businesses, for them to be about people first not products and profits first as they currently seem to be. I do not work for a company but from what I have heard from family and friends it is obvious that these businesses are not based around care of their staff at all. And no abuse in the workplace should not be tolerated but called out without fear that those that do will lose their jobs.
When I read the first part of this article I was sure this was a no hope work place – the culture of abuse felt so entrenched. One person’s choices changed all that. No fanfare or drum roll, just one person taking responsibility for themselves and choosing honesty and openness over protection and isolation. Incredibly inspiring to see the power and simplicity. Thank you.
I agree Matilda. I also found it very inspiring (and a little surprising!) that a work culture that appeared to be very entrenched, could be turned around so easily by one person choosing to take responsibility and making a choice to be a different way in their workplace.
It is powerful MAS, how you highlight that being a victim actually perpetuates and plays a part in abuse. I love how you show us that the true work we are here for, is to make everything about love, in all we do.
That is so true Joseph, MAS offers the victims a way to open their eyes to another way.
Great blog MAS and it’s great to have conversations like this. I know a lot of people who put up with many things at work that they would not tolerate in any other part of their life. Why is so much in tolerated in the workplace? Does the fear of losing a job and income mean that a person will put up with unacceptable behaviours? From a young age I stood up in my workplaces against what I felt was not ok. I didn’t always go about it in the best way, but I said no to certain behaviours whether I was at the receiving end or another colleague. And in recent years I have had incredible work relations and am currently working with an amazing team. I can appreciate that saying no has played a big role in where I am.
What a great topic MAS. I appreciate how powerful you have been in your workplace by being love, appreciating and letting others in how this has a ripple effect on everyone around you. Simply inspirational.
This is super inspiring and shows that you don’t need to find that elusive great job but to go within and really connect to yourself and others then any job is that great job.
Which can then be applied to every area of our lives. The search is over – all we need to do is take loving responsibility for ourselves and all that we contribute to life.
Let’s face it, abusive or disharmonious relations at work are a killer. It generates so many daily situations a result of which we waste a lot of energy trying to figure it out, solve it, manage it, you name it. And it is also toxic for our health. Ar the blog rightly states it, we generate chains of abuse whereby we are victims and perpetrators. So, we have to clock that we are part of the workplace abuse twice. That is why if our level of awareness allows us to see this, it is our responsibility to put a stop to it.
I have retired twice and still working a 40-hour a week job. Retirement is a wooden box for me. Since I started my new job 7 of the 10 people I started with have resigned. It has gotten a whole lot lighter at work; mind you I have plenty to work now to kept me engaged but never overwhelmed… I am really enjoying being me at work and the effect is it having in the work place.
This is powerful MAS. When we’re able to challenge abusive behaviour and also turn the torchlight within to see how we contributed to a situation, can transform everything. It is often easy to focus outside of ourselves and see others as the problem. I have done this myself in the past. I remember when in a corporate role many years ago discovering that a perceived difficult relationship with a colleague was primarily of my own making. When I changed my behaviour and began to appreciate the other person more the quality of our relationship improved.
It is easy to lose confidence in ourselves when we are not appreciated at work, but that appreciation is not needed if we are able to appreciate ourselves and what we truly bring. When there is a lot of work to be done in a small amount of time, if things don’t get done in time, there can be a feeling of not being good enough. Our self-worth is based on the doing, not who we are. When colleagues can appreciate themselves and each other, it’s amazing how much more easily all the work gets done and in good time and the list of things to be done is less overwhelming.
Great sharing Carmel, there is such a lack of appreciation at work (and outside work). I have just started working in two places so I have many new colleagues. It is just amazing to see what happens if you bring appreciation to work. The whole place changes. It’s like miracles happening every day.
Beautiful MAS, thank you for sharing, how powerful and life changing it is when we exercise self-responsibility. I too had many jobs that involved bullying and harassment and always fell for the more comfortable role of being the victim. But with this one sided look it created much anxiety and stress not just within myself but for others I worked with and my family I came home to. I can see now how many of these situations could of been different if I didn’t see it as personal. I now see how loving it is to address any disharmony in the workplace or anywhere, as it supports everyone.
“There is a work model here that revels in simplicity and beauty – love is our way forward and our workplace relationships need it too.” This is such an important aspect!! As we spend most our time at work we need to bring love to all our relationships, to family, friends, neighbors and colleges….It is so important to create a loving and harmonious environment in your workplace and to speak your truth when it is needed.
People leave their supervisor not the company they work for – I have experienced the same disregard of self and others in the workplace. One person can make the difference. Love is the way. Thanks MAS
Great blog MAS, amazing to hear about the difference in your workplace now following the choice to make it about love first – very powerful stuff!
What an awesome transformation in your experience of work. What comes to me is how powerful the impact can be when responsibility is chosen. A responsibility to be honest about how we ourselves react to situations and we ourselves establish dynamics and arrangements with the people around us. What is clear in this article is that deep change can occur through one person choosing another way of interacting.
Thank you MAS, your blog really shows the power in self-responsibility, and how when we see ourselves as a victim, we take all that comes at us personally. Whereas when we take responsibility for our part, everything changes.
That’s so true Sandra
MAS your transformation of yourself and your workplace is nothing short of remarkable. I, too have worked for years in an environment which is rife with conflict. The conflict is much more draining that the work itself. There was a point when I stepped out of the collective criticising and began to actively work on my relationship with others by dropping my need/expectation of them to change and simply focusing on myself. It was fascinating to feel my relationships change. As long as we hold others as the wrong doers then nothing will ever change but when we become more loving then the behaviour of others change naturally.
MAS this shows the true responsibility we all equally can offer in our work places. I too have experienced similar situations as you described but it was not til I began to bring more responsibility to the way I worked and the quality of my interactions with others and myself did things begin to change. I so relate to the perspective that we each can either inhibit or build relationships based on how open or closed we are towards others. I feel the more we see our co-workers as an extension of us, and begin to relate to them in more loving ways we open the door to build working environments that support and build rather than divide and conquer.
Great to read your story MAS, and also that you were able to be open to your own contribution in these dynamics instead of inhabiting the victim role. It’s an important topic to bring out in the open. It would be so supportive for managers to work with staff and collectively decide on what kind of foundation the staff want to operate from. Most people would choose appreciation and harmony in work relationships over competitiveness, politics, and the inevitable self protection. Working from a clear agreed base would eliminate a lot of issues.
So true Melinda! If competitiveness, politics and self protection ceased to be part of a companies foundation, there would be less exhaustion, anxiousness, illness and disease. I always found competing absolutely exhausting and protection debilitating.
I agree Aimee – competitiveness is a big one and I have noticed myself that it seems to side with comparison as well.
Yes Aimee, competitiveness and career focus is not very healthy nor is it sustainable. Working with love for people, supporting each other to develop and grow is a true way forward and naturally leads one where one is able to go to.
Agreed Esther, there is nothing at all like working with a team in harmony, no-one trying to out-do another or show them up… all working for the one goal and purpose of supporting what is there to be done for the business.
And not just in companies, this would extend into all areas of life including in families too. And what a different world it would be without any of that…
It is amazing how normalised work place abuse and bullying has become. Those statistics are scary. Unfortunately it is almost assumed that it is part of the territory and we just have to put up with it. And then we wonder why we don’t like going to work? What this blog clearly shows is that it is not normal and if we want to enjoy our work more and have more harmonious work environments we have to say enough is enough and set new standards of care and conduct at work.
As you say Andrew – it’s no wonder many people do not enjoy going to work. Yet it is what we do 40 hours a week every week, and in truth we are built to work (as a significant part of our expression in life). A fresh approach is much needed.
These few words completely turn the tables on what is considered the norm in the competitive work place ‘that there must be love in business’. Business is based on people, so it makes sense that work places need caring and true relationships as a foundation to success.
Love is without doubt the way forward in every area of life and in every relationship. Your blog is a testimonial that committing to love works and not only for you as the one living the love but for all you are related to. Thank you for sharing this awesome workplace experience.
The question that arises for me is why is there so much workplace bullying and harassment? Perhaps there is just as much bullying and harassment that occurs in people’s homes but that does not get reported. It certainly is time to look at how we are living that supports abuse to continue and to start to say NO to it.
Whilst we accept (allow to become normal because of how common it is) the levels of abuse and disharmony in our workplaces and homes, there is no inspiration or space to say No. This article and comments are showing me clearly that without a willingness to be honest about what is really going on we are going to be endlessly perpetuating the ill.
Good question Elizabeth it does beg the question of if there is this much workplace bullying our home lives must also be pretty loveless. Domestic abuse has a far reaching impact on the children that see, feel it, at one of the schools I work in every child on the special needs register has witnessed domestic violence. But as we know the first steps begin with us stopping abusing ourselves, and starting to care and love ourselves, with simple steps at first and deepening them everyday. There is so much that can be healed by taking responsibility for how we are with ourselves first and then others.
Brilliant article that gets behind the reasons for abuse and bullying in the workplace. I find the answer that by being ourselves, letting people in and not being so protected we end up with more understanding and gradually the whole workplace changes as people stop reacting to their own issues. Something that shows our own level of responsibility in having a harmonious workplace.
Recently I have come to understand more deeply how the relationships I have at home support the relationships I have at work. So, if I am willing accept abuse at home, then work will be no different. I am learning more and more about how I, we, cannot compartmentalise life, thinking that one area will not affect another. Everything is part of the same life and so it all feeds in to each other, and this cannot be avoided only ignored. I find that I conveniently ignore this fact so that I do not have to be fully responsible for all areas of my life, so that I can conveniently choose the kind and type of relationships I want in the situations I want. Ultimately this is about needing to feel in control of my life which is beginning to subside as I learn to trust myself again and in turn discover the real depths of genuinely respectful and loving relationships that I am able to have both at home and at work.
Love that Shami, very much to the point!
‘I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either. In fact, on many occasions I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me.’ Yes, I can relate to having done this, it has been subtle but people would still feel that it was not love. Being love is my chosen way to move forward, allowing myself to show my tenderness and fragility, whilst truly appreciating and connecting with everyone.
To put love first, as you said, at the workplace is fare more important than any career step. What if the ‘career’ at work is, how lovingly you have been on a daily basis?
Now that would be interesting Caroline – I would imagine that the monthly or yearly chats with the boss would look a bit different.
Excactly that should be tought in companies. Great point!
Now that is a career I would work hard for – CEO of love! 😉
Gorgeous Caroline. If that was the focus at work, companies and organisations would be transformed and what they could then achieve would be mind boggling.
That would be very empowering for all in the end – what a great idea Caroline.
It is inspiring to read about the changes in yourself and workplace when life became about love and a simple formula that can be applied to all aspects of life not just work or business, any relationship. Thank you.
This clearly shows that we are all innately tender and loving, that those unloving behaviors are just energies we allow in, and how people gladly come back to their true nature when it is reflected back to them.
“Who was actually abusing whom? These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.” This is a great point MAS, we often don’t think of ourselves as being part of the cause of the very situations we do not like such as work place abuse.
Joshua and MAS this is so, so true. In every single workplace relationship problem I have been privy to no one has ever looked at their part in the problem. In fact that generally goes for all relationships, not just workplace. It seems such common sense but up until recently I didn’t know that all relationship problems are 50/50. I went to an esoteric practitioner about a relationship problem and when she explained that I had as much a part to play in the problem as the other person I nearly fell off my chair. After I had picked myself up I realised that she was absolutely right !
Exactly Joshua – we don’t think ourselves as part of the cause – this is such a key sentence. When we can take true responsibility for ourselves then this can truly change.
MAS, your blog has illuminated my understanding on challenging relationships today, surely things I had become aware already, but the way you described them is really awesome. It could be quite complicated to narrate all the dynamics that take place in difficult work environments, and falling into stories, judgements, magnification, blame, guilt, etc… however the way you unravelled it was very healing for me and cut through the complexity. All those changes that took place on your work could sound too good to be true, but I have myself experienced how when I, same as you in this very interesting story, decide to stop, detach, feel, understand and focus in bringing back love and understanding to myself, support the whole environment around. It is amazing how much we can do when we work on releasing the tension in our body and the ready to fight-mode, and slowly put down our protective wall…It makes me shiver! But it doesn happen, and it is a real blessing for everyone enduring a harsh environment. Thank you.
It is easy to treat our work colleagues as ‘different’ to our family or friends. When I share all of me and treat all equally, then I see how those at work are part of my wider family. My care for them runs deep, and I’ll never hide the fact again.
MAS this is such a good point, we do tend to see the people we work with as somehow ‘different’ but this is crazy when some of our closest relationships are made with those we work with.
I totally agree we tend to apply different standards to our work relationships than our family or friends sometimes, when really what we accept and what we do not in terms of abuse, should be the same in all our relationships. Great point MAS that seeing our work colleagues as extended family is a very simple practical way to do this.
I whole heartedly agree MAS, I refer to my work colleagues as my work family, even when I may only be working with some people for a short time…this has changed everything about work for me over the past few years in how I relate and treat people at work.
I agree – there is a sort of sliding scale from family, to friends, to colleagues (and then acquaintances…!), as if somehow this scale devalues the humanity, love, truth and all those other vital aspects of any relationship that need to be in place with everyone… equally so.
Simon, I would agree with you that we seem to have a sliding scale to calculate the amount of love shared with various groups. I hadn’t thought of it like that before… at the top of the tree is family and at the bottom is the stranger. Yet the one we don’t know is also part of a family and wider family. We don’t tend to approach all relationships with an equal footing and yet we are all one of a whole humanity.
Hi Mas, I was drawn to read your blog – it certainly has confirmed what I have been hearing from friends and it opened my eyes as to the difficulties faced in many workplaces in regards to harrassment of varying kinds. These unloving challenges were never my experience fortunately, neither were they experienced in my husbands business in the country town where we raised the family – however, I can sense that the intensity of life’s expectations and demands upon one in business situations is quite different now and I can value your words expressing the obvious lack of true loving communication not only with close family, but in the workplace also. Thank you for sharing your unfolding wisdom. It feels to me imperative that we have an understanding of our true worth and the deep well of love that resides within each of us to enable us to be all that we can be while living in the world, lovingly so.
It is awesome for me to reflect on how differently I now approach a day’s work in the construction sector, having been given the opportunity through Universal Medicine presentations to understand who I am and through this awareness I am able to make choices about how I go about my day that not only nurtures and benefits me but all those around me too. This is a far cry from how I lived and worked without this awareness, where abuse was accepted as the norm and which I even used as a tool for personal gain despite my constant reaction to feeling its presence.
A great blog MAS – I have recently been invited to present some well being sessions at a local business and the staff attending over the past 4 weeks have begun to notice the difference in their lives and dealing with the office bullies and politics in a very different way.
Thank you for your sharing.
As you say MAS there is a new work model here presented. With those high statistics we could easily say that the hard, bullying and reactive work relationships have become the norm. What you show here is that by one person making a change, the whole organisation or team can shift immensely simply by showing an other way. How is that for a work incentive!
What a beautiful difference we can make to the workplace by simply living lovingly and living harmony with ourselves in all we do inspirational thank you for sharing this with everyone and thank you Universal Medicine for bringing back the truth and integrity to the world .
I know this behaviour well, I used to hold back all the time and be ready to be hurt or attacked. “I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either. In fact, on many occasions I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me.” Living in this defensive way meant that I was not expressing myself fully. I felt constricted and frustrated by this choice, learning to express myself regardless of what other people choose to attack me with has been incredible. Also through learning to be more open, many more people can feel and experience the love and care I have within rather than my old hard defensive shell.
Reported workplace harassment is only the tip of the iceberg in terms of numbers. Most go unreported because the level of workplace abuse is mild to moderate and in general, people tend to shrug it off, (I know I have in the past) and ignore it rather that create a scene.
Yes, Matthew, and for many I imagine the reality is that they fear loosing their jobs if they create a scene, so it can become an intense situation that they feel completely disempowered in.
Yes, I agree Matthew and it is often insidious and difficult to prove.
Workplace bullying is very common yet most organizations do not really know how to deal with it. MAS, you have given us a key ingredient here when you say that we need to make it about love. Love is such a great equalizer.
Wow MAS, this is a massive turnaround. What stood out for me in your article is that we can think we are on the receiving end of the abuse, but what is the role that we play in that and because of protection and hurts that we are operating from, in actual fact, are we the abusers too? I love your honesty and how you highlight the importance of us looking at the part that we play. There is always two sides to healing and we don’t have to be reliant on another to make changes. We make the changes within ourselves and then our relationships too change.
It is great to reflect on the levels of abuse we tolerate, some extreme, some less so. It is also great to understand how our behaviour may contribute to how other people react: ‘I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either.’
What has become apparent to me recently, is that it only takes one person to fully commit to bringing love to a relationship, group etc for things to change. It is staggering how powerful we can be simply by being ourselves consistently and without compromise.
I love how you have taken total responsibility for your part in this, as without the victim there can be no bully. By choosing a different way you have introduced harmony where there was none before. I do feel though this harrassment in the work place needs to be dealt with on a grand scale, we spend far too much time working for it to be a miserable experience.
MAS I love the level of responsibility you have gone to to explore and uncover this issue for yourself and how you eventually got to look at the part that you played. This is true responsibility. Only this can turn a harmful and damaging workplace into one that is loving. Very inspiring MAS. This has allowed me to look at how I am in all of my relationships and look at the subtleties of my own behaviour and how affects others. Thank you.
I’m with you on that one Gill, I can so relate to what you say about running away from workplaces. My ‘workplace relations’ just followed me. I now have quite a challenging job but I decided not to run away anymore, and take responsibility that it is ME that is the deciding factor in how my working day ran, and I could no longer blame anyone else. This is awesome to realise and has empowered me knowing that my life really is in my own hands and what a responsibility I also have for reflecting back who I truly am to my work colleagues and not hiding behind my shell any more. I am also learning to appreciate the support I have in my workplace and not to take anything for granted, because my workplace is a complete reflection of me, warts and all.
Sandra, it is true what you say. It was amazing for me when I resolved a work place tension (actually tension within me!) before I left a company I worked for. I knew if I didn’t it would follow me to the next job.
Yes it is interesting how if you have workplace relations/issues, that they follow you. I have experienced this, it wasn’t until i was willing to be 100% honest with myself and take more responsibility, that i was able to shift enormously things that were presenting in my workplace. Now also seeing anything that does come up as a blessing, a reflection to go deeper with myself and those around me.
Going deeper is allowing us to look at our own reactions and hurts we are still holding inside. I can see all that comes back as a reaction is a blessing for me to feel this what is unresolved inside of me. The key is to see that all the reactions are not coming from me but are the results of what energy I have allowed to come through me. Taking more responsibility to my energetic integrity is what works for me here.
I love what you say here Raegan….”seeing anything that does come up as a blessing, a reflection to go deeper with myself and those around me.” That simple sentence put into action, can change many situations and relationships….what a revelation you share here for everyone…Thank you.
Superb article thank you MAS. Travelling to work with a heavy heart is so common place, its no wonder people seek perpetual escape from their work everyday, either by dreaming of their next holiday or indulging in daily distractions to take their focus away from the problem. I love how you stopped to consider your part in the equation, to not just see yourself as a victim, but also a perpetrator of workplace abuse too. The way you have chosen to address this issue is clear evidence that when we bring the focus of our lives back to Love first we can transform many critical situations into supportive environments to the benefit of all concerned. We all know about Love, it is an innate quality within us so when we claim it for ourselves, others respond because it is an inherent expression that has to be forcibly denied. Deal with the force and the love simply shines through.
So true, Rowena: engaging in anything, including work, with a heavy heart, only brings on the desire and intent to find the means of escaping from that situation through distraction, checking out, alcohol or drug abuse or indulgence. Light heartedness offers one a completely different way to be in life. I choose light heartedness.
Thank you MAS. This is an amazing sharing. Workplaces can consist of a variety of challenges and ways if being. The only thing we are truly in control of is what we choose for ourself and with ourself, and then this is felt by others.
I love how you have made the self commitment to you and how that is supporting you to be steadier in your day.
After reading this blog earlier today I went to work and did a little survey of my own by starting a discussion on what peoples perceptions were of bullying at work. It was interesting to hear the vast differences in what people saw as bullying i.e being looked at in a certain way to being physically abused, and everything in between.
This is very true Julie, I think depending on what our particular hurts are, how sensitive and open we are or shutdown and in protection, leads to different perceptions of what bullying is or even if it is occurring.
I am really relating to this blog as there is some tension in my workplace at present. I feel I too need to reflect on how I am contributing to this tension, not take it personally and truly look at my motives in the process. Thank you MAS- very timely for me.
This sounds no different like schoolyard bullying and that is what we have to look at. Bullying is a general life attitude and not something kids do. Kids are just practicing what is expecting them in adult life. Great sharing MAS, love is the foundation of every relationship it doesn’t matter if work or private life..
“Who was actually abusing whom? These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.” In recent times I have found that the minute I am able to let go of blame toward the other there is a “lightening of the load so to speak,” because in taking back the blaming energy and looking at and taking responsibility for my part in the situation, no matter how difficult that may feel in the heat of the moment, the decision to let go of blame allows love to start returning to the situation.
It takes an enormous level of honesty to realise that we ourselves contribute to bad workplace relations when we carry our big thick protective walls around, don’t truly engage with people and work relentlessly in an effort to not be found wanting in any way.
MAS what a great article highlighting many areas of abuse we can experience in the workplace, whats clear is that only when working with care and love for oneself and for the team as a whole can work become a supportive place to be. An interesting point you raise here is that the most fundamental aspect of harmony at work is with true and open communication.
What I got from reading your blog was that if we are being bullied at work or anywhere for that matter, to look at what are we bringing into the mix, what are our thoughts and feelings, do we hold back or anticipate conflict before it happens.
Also, what is going on for that person personally, are they being subjected to bullying at home? And if we take steps to change the way we are with ourselves first, the knock on effect would be to feel stronger when around others. Awesome and very much needed topic.
What a great confirmation that regardless of what difficulties are going on around us and what we are struggling with, the first step is to stop and bring greater level of love, care and tenderness into our own life so that we can start to consistently live it ourself. It is delightful to read how when you did so and applied this quality to your activities and relationships at your workplace you found that others started to reflect it too.
Absolutely Golnaz, ‘regardless of what difficulties are going on around us and what we are struggling with, the first step is to stop and bring greater level of love, care and tenderness into our own life so that we can start to consistently live it ourself’. Bringing responsibility back to self, and being aware of how we may have contributed to what happened is essential.
MAS, you raise such an important topic about work place relationships. I can relate to what you share especially about, “I found that what felt like a personal attack from another, was really them reacting to something about themselves or something about their own lives.” But in the moment of their harsh expression I have taken it personally and haven’t let myself observe what is going on for them. This I am learning to do. You have shown how to turn this around and I find your article truly inspiring.
Thank you, MAS, for being honest about your habitual behaviour in relation to others – “I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me.” This is something I have recognised in myself, and I am now working to let go of the protection also, in order to live more in my power and share the sweetness and tenderness that has not been expressed much in the past.
How wonderful and empowering to know that the dynamics of the work place can be changed by me. It is like being given a key to the secret box of answers.
Absolutely Concetta — very different to staying with the belief that I’m a victim of the abuse and point the finger at another or the system as a whole. It is amazingly empowering to see how an entire workplace can actually change when one person takes responsibility for their behaviour and brings the qualities they long to have in the workplace, to the workplace. Harmony, love and joy — they can all be there in or workplaces, and they should be but we have to start with ourselves feeling those qualities first.
I remember how addicted I was in earlier times to the outcome of what I did and looking for recognition for the work I have done. This behavior raised a lot of competition issues with my colleagues. Today I am much more focussed on the quality of my connections with people instead of outcomes and this changes the whole working place.
The following line from this blog was a pure revelation for me: “In fact, on many occasions I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me. So in the end it was difficult to determine whether I was reacting to others or whether they were reacting to me. Who was actually abusing whom?” I can now see in retrospect how I have held onto a kind of arrogance for myself, as if I was somehow better than the people around me at work or otherwise whom I felt were abusive, mean, harsh, or cruel in different ways, judging them first, and comparing myself as ‘above that’. But I also have had experiences at work where someone was abusive and I could still see them for the beautiful person they are inside, understand where the behaviour may have come from (like a rough childhood for instance) and stayed open to them without giving up on their potential to be kind. This had some amazing effects, with the person opening up and being more understanding themselves and less harsh in many ways. So what you shared is true MAS, we can help others simply by how we hold ourselves and take care of ourselves in a self-loving way.
Mas, that was awesome to read. So clear how one persons choice of self love can change how we all function. You showed how much we impact a situation and that it is not always another. How one person choosing love, allowed others to feel and choose love also. Thanks.
Taking responsibility in a relationship … like you did MAS takes away half of the problem and if you replace it with LOVE you cannot but experience a different outcome. It then becomes the choice of others to accept the reflection or not. Its to be appreciated and celebrated the difference the LOVE that you are has bought to you and then to your workplace.
The timing of this blog is so perfect for me. My situation at work has been difficult with endemic bullying that the management are unwilling to deal with. Both myself and others (including the business owners) have been playing victim to one particular colleague. It is so easy to blame this person, but as you have pointed out MAS, there are no victims. We perpetuate abuse through our coldness and our guards and also by the silence that does not stop the out of control person in their tracks.
I have forgotten, at times, that for all of the outer harm done, the bully is tearing themselves up inside and the most loving thing we can do is to at least give them the opportunity to not carry on in this hurtful way.
Rachel, I have been very touched by your sharing here. In fact, your comment triggered a memory of a time where I felt bullied at work in my 20s, where it felt so ‘unfair’. I left a job that I enjoyed, angry that the workplace did not resolve the issue and that I had lost out. To ignite even more fury, I watched the other side of the organisation promote this person in the organisation. From the outside it looked like abuse was the way, that it was condoned in life and the path to move up the corporate ladder.
Looking back now there was a lot more to this story than meets the eye. You see, the path that I was on was one where I could have potentially (and very easily) taken up the same antics in my own empty desire for promotion, but this situation pulled me back – and what a blessing. I now see that there was a lot more that I needed to understand before I was in a position of responsibility and of power … I had to become loving with myself first because as a future manager of others, I needed to learn to care about people deeply and to understand their surface behaviours. The person I refer is still on the path they have chosen and yet, as you write “tearing themselves up inside”. In a loving way for all, we can look at each situation and re-define what ‘success’ truly is and what is being offered in these types of situations.
Whenever I am in reaction, I know there is something for me to look at where I have not put love first, or did not express in a truthful way. It would truly be a huge change if in all companies etc there would be teachings on how to express in a loving way and be firm and transparent. This would bring so much more understanding for one another and boy, those work environments would be different!
I love what you share, MAS. If we want to change relationships we have to start with our relationship with ourselves – we have to first love ourselves before we can truly love another.
So many of us have experienced workplace bullying, and it seems to be so entrenched in some places that it is a problem that no individual can overcome. Our way to deal with it, and I speak from experience, is to escape. Yet as MAS has pointed out we leave one terrible situation to walk directly into another.
This blog has been so timely for me as it applies to my current workplace, and I have been looking at my part in allowing bullying to flourish.
I can certainly relate to the feeling that discordant workplace relations of one sort or another followed me from job to job and how stressful I found this because after all we spend a large proportion of our time at work. I can remember one workplace where I felt one of my colleagues was being very manipulative of others and took it upon myself to do something about it in a rather clumsy way which escalated the situation and made the atmosphere in our office very tense and consequently affected everyone else. It would have been so much better if I had read your beautiful last line and acted from there ‘love is our way forward and our workplace relationships need it too.’
Helen thats what I love about blog sites like this, we get to express and communicate with each other a true way how to be. We can see times in our lives we knew there was another way and have that confirmed, while processing and healing times we have reacted and escalated problems, so we do not get involved in the drama again.
We spend a lot of time at work and mostly with others or relating to others in some way, via e-mail or phone. In fact pretty much everything we do in life is about connecting with people, so we can never not make it about relationships, therefore learning loving behaviour in relationships is crucially important!
How different would we feel everyday if we made our work about love and having loving relationships and connection.
It has become so normal for workplaces to be dysfunctional that we rarely consider this anything other than normal. We need a new normal where social rank and outdoing others is not our way of operating, but instead the opportunity is there for everyones strengths to be appreciated and put to good use. When I look back on all the workplace environments I have been, in one-upmanship has always been a common theme, it is amazing to know that just one person behaving differently can start to change this and shift the behaviour being displayed.
The competition and jostling for position (climbing the ‘greasy pole’) are endemic and strip both the individual and the organisation of much of their humanity. But as you say Stephen, it just takes one example of doing it differently and that can be a powerful agent of change.. bringing love into places that other emotions simply cannot fill.
This is indeed a great way forward in work or, as you put it, a work model. What you show with your experience that you/we as an individual can make such a difference. It starts with ourselves and -important- the role we play in the abuse occurring at work. It takes two to tango, also when the dance is abusive. That said shows as well that by taking responsibility for our parts, we can transform the workplace to a loving place as well. Because in the end people respond to love.
This is powerful MAS. Many people believe abuse ‘ends in the schoolyard’, when in no way is that the case. Saying NO and taking responsibility for workplace abuse is super important, and very needed, otherwise it will become more common and turn into something even more serious and deadly.
Wow, those statistics on workplace abuse, paint a pretty sad picture of how we interact, or not as the case may be, with our colleagues. What a great topic of discussion to bring up MAS, I really enjoyed reading your story and the way you brought love into the equation. I too have found that as I build on my own self love and self acceptance, others are changing within my workplace also. It has proven to me that if I am more accepting of myself, others do likewise.
At first I was shocked to read that statistic but once it sunk in I can say that I have experienced such. It’s become commonplace to have workplace dynamics, a rather sad fact. Why have we accepted such to be ‘normal’ to the point where we don’t stand against it? And I ask this of myself as well. Is the way we are working about the set goals or about the people that receive and carry out this end result? What this blog and a recent experience has got me wondering is: what would putting the focus on the person before the job/task/interaction feel like? Thank you MAS.
Thank you MAS for highlighting so clearly that ‘it’s only me’ doesn’t contribute to anyone, including me.
Recently I have started to speak up, without apologising, if my name is spelt incorrectly because it does matter….and often sparks some very interesting conversations.
I am seeing this in workplaces more and more ‘In my current workplace it is common to hear stories from staff members about situations of harassment and bullying. These employees generally stay in their jobs as the region is one of high unemployment.’ as well as an absolute lack of appreciation, communication and care with and for staff. (it never used to be like this, staff were valued and stayed with a company for a long time until it was right for them to move on). We definitely need to bring true care and love back into workplaces and businesses, if we do this we will see massive changes, and as you have shown it is easy to do we just need to start with ourselves. What you share is very inspiring.
Beautiful how you took responsibility in how you were in all these situation. How magical it is, if we begin our ways to change first instead of waiting until the others make the first step. The outcome is immense and beautiful to read how everything changed for you!
Very true Steffi, we can be waiting and waiting our whole life away, when in fact we can simply turn it around now by making that step towards ourselves first. At the beginning it may seem challenging because we’re faced with not having taken that step for a long time, but once we do take it, it gets much easier to take the next step and then the next. Truly, truly worth it.
I agree Katerina, taking that 1st step of taking responsibility for how we are in all situations can be a challenge, but when it is taken the next one becomes easier. Bringing it back to how we react and choosing differently, rather than blaming another, transforms life completely.
We as a measure of time spend more time at work then we spend with our family, sleeping doesn’t count. If we don’t have a relationship with our self where does that leave our job then family? If you have a bad day at work and you bring it home? When we bring our true self to work and one person can make a difference and cause ripples. A great day at work just has to follow you home.
This is really gorgeous to re-read MAS, what stands out for me this time is ‘I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.’ This is so simple and what a great way to live, it takes the pressure off and allows for a much more healthy, loving way of being.
I agree Rebecca, this line stands out. Changing the focus of our purpose changes everything. By focusing on living lovingly each and every day builds love… what changes at work and home can only be a great thing.
Your story MAS is such a relatable one. How we move in the world and our life experiences always come back to our choices and the way that we are choosing to see things. Seeing life through the lens of a victim is only seeing half the picture, but as you so beautifully express, when we see our part and take responsibility to bring that love that we would like to receive in the world, everything changes.
While not necessarily easy, it is as simple as that Susan. Beautifully said.
This is a powerful article showing if we are willing to see the mess, including what we have made (how we behave with others) and make changes in accordance with what we feel, by changing our choices and behaviour, consistently so, we CAN make a difference. Let’s not wait for others to respond but start with ourselves first.
It’s true Vicky that consistency is the key. Without it we can very easily fall into our old ways and patterns. With consistency, yes we can make a difference.
We always have a choice, even if it seems we do not. It’s something I remember hearing from my school days that I didn’t understand until I looked at it in contexts like these.
It’s great to have a look at the harm that being in full protection mode does too. I really understand the conundrum of who started what, when it refers to asking why people aren’t getting along. Often the passive nature of being in self protection is enough to spark another off, so to speak.
Hello MAS and thank you. For not only delivering such a great blog but for also being willing to show that in these situations clearly not all is as it seems. Often in these work situations we are looking at one being a perpetrator and one being a victim. But as you clearly lay out, “Who was actually abusing whom? These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.” So if we let go of blame and judgement on who did what and bring it back to love then we all have the responsibility no matter what side of the fence we are on. I love how you presented this and the fact of how true it is. Next time instead of looking at pointing the finger in these situations we may be able to put it to the love test, if it’s not love then as we have said we all have a responsibility.
I am with you here, Ray. I loved what MAS wrote about her/his part by being responsible too because or being in protection and reacting to the colleagues. The willingness to own up to that combined with letting go of protecting and making loving choices is irresistible.
It is a great observation you make MAS that out of protection you were judging people before they had communicated and by doing so creating the situation where it was difficult to determine who was abusing whom. As you have shared the true protection is not to protect but to be open, sensitive and loving. Very inspiring.
Letting go of my judgement of others and letting them in regardless of how they are behaving is a great way to be and something that I am working with daily. I love how loving and open I am when I do this and my love feeds back to me so this is an extra bonus
This is also something I am working on too Mary-Louise, being aware of my judgement of others and then letting it go which allows them and me just to be with no demands or expectations, which also supports me not to take on any emotions from others.
gorgeously written MAS. There is nothing like learning to bring absolute love and care into the workplace .. Or into any place of residence. Universal Medicine sure does teach their students how to do this and how to be responsible for the quality unto which each person works and walks through life. A lovely, and very important thing to be learning in life.
I know harassment in the workplace too MAS, although sometimes very subtile, and in general accepted as a normal in any workplace I have ever been. There are always a few people in a company that have to belittle or harass other people, mostly subordinates and most of the personnel accept that this is something that will always be there and that we have to live with it.
As you did MAS, we must be fair to ourselves and to the situation at hand and call it abuse even in its littlest form. It is not normal and we all deserve to be treated with human decency and respect, because that’s where we all come from as love is in us all equally the the source where we originate from.
Great article MAS. I recently started a new job, and was very consicous of bringing as much of myself to it as I could, without the usual anxiety around trying to be perfect and know everything from the get go. What I have only very recently realised is just how much pressure I put on myself in the past to make sure those who employed me never felt like they had made a mistake. I have always been relatively assertive in the workplace and not allowed harrassment or bullying of myself, however I am sure I have experenced it more than I care to realise. Whilst I have stood up for myself in times when I have been wrongly accused or when someone has overstepped the mark, it has always been in strong reaction, feeling very much like I had been vicitmsed. Through learning to appreciate myself more, these days I have far more perspective around what is going on, and more understanding around why I might be targeted. This awareness helps me stay grounded and not give my power away to the possible irrational thoughts. It’s important for me to note, that while my awareness is increasing and my ability to handle situations is getting better, it is still not a walk in the park, and I still experience some anxiety around confronting whomever it may be but it is a work in progress.
The impact of the quality of the workplace environment is profound and despite lots of policy around workplace bullying existing in my workplace, the bullying and abuse still regularly happens. MAS what you have demonstrated through your blog is that even one person changing themselves so as to bring love into the workplace, has a profound impact. This helps to remind me of my responsibility to do likewise. Thank you.
So true Helen, have anti bullying rules and policies in organisation does not mean that it does not occur. Cultures where people put each other down or compete at the expense of each other is very common. What MAS describes about bringing love and saying no to bullying in the workplace is very much needed.
This is very inspiring! Choosing to be the victim is sometimes so easily done, but when we claim ourselves and choose love there is a completely different way to be with our colleagues.
I too have experienced this type of abuse in the workplace. It is very harming to all involved and it is great to see that you have brought your care and understanding to your place instead of adding to the abuse.
Thank you MAS, lots to consider here. It does seem to me that with every situation there is always a deeper level of understanding to be had and when the understanding becomes clear, a situation like bullying is no longer taken personally.
MAS I love what you have shared here, especially this line: “I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either. In fact, on many occasions I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me. ”
This is how I have lived and interacted with people for most of my life and am only just changing. It is great to see it spelt out and know that I am not the only one, and that there is in fact another way. Thank you.
Such power and truth in this blog MAS, thank you for sharing so honestly with us. It is astounding to hear of the bullying that occurs in our workplaces, your willingness to address this issue and take responsibility for your part is truly inspiring.
I agree Anna, there is a huge amount of honesty in this blog, and yes it is astounding the amount of bullying that does occur in the workplace, it truly is. It needs to be discussed more and more examples expressed, otherwise this behaviour becomes the norm and not called out for the abuse that it can sometimes be and lead to.
We spend so much time at work, why would we not bring love to this area of our life as well. Workplace relationships were not always easy for me. I used to avoid some individuals but realised that, as you said Mas “I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me”. My attitude is now far more open and many of my work relationship have blossomed into very pleasant encounters when the opportunity arises.
Thank you MAS for bringing this beautiful topic to the fore: love in the workplace. I absolutely agree: each of us craves love and to be loved. That is not different at work than at home, although we try to fool ourselves there is a difference. You are an living example of the power of and great reflection 1 single person can bring to a workplace. Wow!
Hi Mas,
Love the blog and the honesty where you began to ask yourself questions about where did the abuse start with their reaction or yours. Turning this around to begin work every day with love and bring that love into your relationships and business is incredibly inspiring.
I agree Judy, the changes that MAS has been able to bring through her own love is inspiring indeed.
MAS. With no love or harmony in the work place, life must have been very dull working for a company like that. Companies seem to forget that their greatest asset is their employees.
Agreed Mike – every investor I have ever spoken to recognises the importance of people in a successful business – and in particular the responsibility of management to set the tone. Yet almost every business I have witnessed puts the task at the pinnacle of importance and the people become subservient to that. It affects the quality, and of course the success of the Company in the long term (and for those that are successful, consider what it would be like if they added a bit of love to their mix…. they would create an opportunity to redefine success!)
It is sad to read that there is so much bullying going on at work. And it is very inspiring to read how one single person can bring true change. It shows the impact we have and that we don’t have to wait for others to change. Just be the change, and all around will change with you.
This is so cool MAS. I love the line.. ‘I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.’
Sometimes I really want to leave my job to find greener pastures, but the reality is I am running away from the unlove in the office. I can feel my responsibility in bringing love to how I am with myself and others, this is my career – living love.
This is such a great article, it really outlines a great deal of what I too have experienced and or witnessed in the many corporate offices i have worked in. I used to look at my work environments and just feel the disharmony, the angst, the aggressive behaviour, bullying. And for most of my working career was always in such reaction to what i could feel around me, it really hindered my growth within myself or finding any joy in what i did, because it always felt like a chore, something i had to endure just to get paid. I just so disliked living like this. Until which time, so can relate immensely MAS, i started to see Universal Medicine practitioners, where i began to develop a more love for myself, over time. This directly impacted the relationships i had with colleagues, with myself. I am now less reactive, am told i am a calming influence, usually in a sea of chaos that is some projects i work on. I find that the more tolerant and loving i am, bring joy and playfulness, it catches on to those around me, which is a wonderful way to work now days.
Mas what a wonderful reflection you bring to your colleagues and work place. To appreciate our own role in any relationship is essential for us to evolve, and you have the entire work place evolving which is fantastic and inspiring, thank you.
Soooo inspiring. Thank you MAS. This shows me how much more dedication and devotion is required of me and how love, as always is the only way.
I can so relate to what you share here Mas, and have gotten completley overwhelmed when conflict has arisen at work, and then I make it bigger by taking on the belief that the world is against me, so playing the victim and staying in reaction, everything esclates. I have to come feel how much this hurts my body, and that it is time to let this old habit go.
“So in the end it was difficult to determine whether I was reacting to others or whether they were reacting to me. Who was actually abusing whom? These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.”
What a long way you have come MAS and the appreciation you now have for yourself and for your colleagues was lovely to read about. Yes, love most definitely plays a part in every walk of life and you are bringing it back in yours.
What a power statement:-
“Within this healing process I began to feel my part in all of this and questioned the role of my responses to abuse and whether I too had been an abuser. You see I always viewed myself as a victim and never as a perpetrator in any of these situations.”
We are so quick to blame others but not take responsibility ourselves and when we do make that choice to see our part in it and how we can change those patterns the possibilites for change, growth and harmony wherever we go are boundless. It’s all there just waiting or us to initially make a change to something we know is going to not only work for us personally but for everyone around us – thus creating a space of true harmony wherever we are – be that work or home.
Thank you very much. I too feel that equality is something that should always be put first, and that each worker should obviously be approached and spoken to with love for who they are first.
Thank you MAS for such a great blog sharing the widespread incidence of workplace bullying and harassment. How wonderful it is that you eventually said ‘no’ to that abusive behaviour and came to an understanding of why people act like this. And great that you came to see that you were partly responsible for this behaviour, a wonderful understanding that you have used to now be able to turn things around in your workplace. It feels like a great place to work now.
The more we express ourselves and speak up against abuse, the more we are able to identify different levels of abuse, and the less we are able to tolerate it. It simply ceases to be an option.
Thank you MAS
Its true that I too felt like a victim – playing small because I truly thought I had nothing to offer. But as I have been supported to take more care of myself and be more aware of my actions – I started to see how me putting up a wall of protection started the abuse game.
And that actually – these people were just reacting to themselves and their hurts, and not me.
To start being more open has allowed me to speak up when I would never have even considered too.
And offering that little bit of truth – has made a huge difference to how others treat me, themselves, and the task.
Hello Hannah Morden and thank you for this great sharing. It’s great to see we are speaking about another part of being a victim and as you say, “But as I have been supported to take more care of myself and be more aware of my actions – I started to see how me putting up a wall of protection started the abuse game.” I’m not emphasising who starts the abuse more that in many situations as a victim there is another part to look at.
Thanks MAS for sharing the extent of bullying in the workplace, and the changes that have occured in your workplace since you chose to make changes in the way you connected to yourself and those around you. Truly inspiring.
Wow what a great point you make in your blog MAS that protection and guardedness are actually abusive to others no different energetically to being aggressive and bullying. Who rejected who first? Who actually threw the first energetic punch? Very interesting questions about all our relationships and it would be great if we were all more aware of what is really going on when we are with each other at work and in other areas of our lives.
Yes Andrew, its a bit of an ouch when we understand what protection has been creating. Being more aware as you say is essential.
This is an amazing representation of life and what is going on and how we can really make a difference and our responsibility to bring this by making true love our way forward choosing honesty and integrity for ourselves first and hence with others.Thank you for this beautiful sharing and all you bring to your workplace is beautiful to feel.
It is amazing that by bringing an awareness and love to any situation however old and longstanding it maybe, there is always a possibility for change. What I like MAS is that you could have left and gone to another job, blaming the workplace as being intolerable but you chose to stay and make the changes in you that brought about the changes at work, Imagine if we all did this when things are not going well, life would be so much simpler.
MAS, I love how you are now taking responsibility for how you are at work, ‘I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either’, it is beautiful to read how we can change the environment that we work in, and that rather than us blaming those around us, we can make the changes happen by being our naturally loving, sensitive selves – very inspiring!
It is actually not a good thing to tolerate and accept abuse as normal. Then we tend to accept that the abuse is just part of the work place and not something that can be changed. As you have shown here, taking true responsibility for how we are in our workplaces and choosing love is what will bring the true change to these situations.
What I also felt to add was the impact that harmony or dis-harmony has in the workplace or home etc has on a much greater level. In the sense of if there is dis-harmony in the work place, and everything is energy, what kind of energy and imposition does this have on people coming into your business, the quality of work produced, the work produced, your clients, other businesses within the building etc – and with this at the other end of the scale what effect does true love and harmony have on all the fore mentioned?
Absolutely Gyl the ripples are huge and I am recognising my responsibility for the energy I am in when I am at work and not enjoining when others are being negative in even the smallest way will have an impact in me and everyone else.
Love absolutely needs to be in businesses. I see so many companies where it is only about profit, obviously this is important, but not at the expense of staffs health and well being. When staff are considered, cared for and nurtured, they can bring so much more.
What a very powerful story, MAS, how the ripple affect of one person working and relating from love is enormous and far reaching. Bringing love into the workplace is an amazing opportunity for all and can completely change a business , as you have so clearly described here – very inspiring.
‘In each situation of conflict it always appeared that the other person was attacking, aggressive or rude towards me. However, I was failing to see that I was approaching people with a deep wall of protection in an attempt to not be hurt.’
It is very, very freeing when we consider our own responsibility for what ‘happens’ to us.
Hello Michelle M Ryan, I highlighted this quote for special mention as well. MAS to have someone speak about the self responsibility in these situations is huge but also may not be popular. We are often happy to blame others who may appear the ‘aggressor’ but like in any relationship there is always another part. This part you speak of is not often obvious but equally just as important. Thank you for being so truthful and willing to speak up.
Having never experienced this type of abuse in the workplace I can only imagine how miserable it must have been. What an amazing change you have brought around for yourself and anyone you work with by bringing love in. I was a bit shocked by the stats, more love really is needed in, not only the workplace but everywhere.
Agree Kevin, love which is very practical is indeed much needed everywhere.
This is a great insight MAS that by putting up the walls of protection we can be the abuser. What a great business model if everyone learnt your lesson that “I was once motivated by career progression but now my focus is on living lovingly each and every day.”
I can relate MAS, to the act of judging people first before you can get hurt, and feeling all the time the judgements and the rejections coming from those at work around you. And I can also relate to that realisation moment when the abuse does not seem to be coming from just anyone else, but also from myself in that judgement and rejection of them. It is painful to see this, but, like you, I have found it very motivating towards genuine change in the work place and in all my relationships.
Yes, Shami and MAS, how refreshing and liberating to no longer play the victim and live life and work according to how you choose it to be so, feeling the power of not blaming others or contracting from particular situations. This is a game changer, and I have found that my whole perception of the world is changing and, needless to say, my relationship to others.
What a breath of fresh air for people to be held in love by someone and allowed the space to just be, rather then what has come to be accepted as a normal way of functioning and living – be it in the workplace or life. With frustration, bullying, control, superiority – all of which stem from our own hurts, but the truth is these behaviours hurt us even more and in turn do exactly what we are trying to escape from to another. I know what it is like to be held in this love, with absolute allowing and no judgement to be myself and my whole body, everything I am holding just goes. It is one of the most amazing feelings in this world to be held in love, an instantly allows me to be me. But I do not have to wait for another to meet me in this way, for I now know I can hold myself in this same love and understanding which allows me to hold all others in the same way.
Absolutely Gyl, ‘to be held in love by someone and allowed the space to just be,’ is an amazing experience, and as you say, ‘I do not have to wait for another to meet me in this way, for I now know I can hold myself in this same love and understanding which allows me to hold all others in the same way.’ Gorgeous.
Wow! Harassment and bullying in the workplace is so alarmingly high. This is really revealing that the way people interact with each other has not been loving at all. And what you have beautifully shown MAS it that when we start with appreciating ourselves more for who we are, and are more loving and nurturing on a daily basis, our relationships change, from abusive to being more loving and supportive. Awesome sharing!
Thank you MAS for sharing the very real impact that bullying can have on a person and how with honesty, reflection and self-responsibility the turnaround that is possible. From abusive to supportive workplace – what a story!
Yes Penny, throughout this sharing by MAS, I could feel the power of her honesty, reflection and self-responsibility. This power is within us all. For cultures to change at work and in our families, we all must understand and claim that we matter and can make a difference, firstly for ourselves and then with that change, others align naturally to the felt increase in harmony.
Well said Penny. This is indeed a remarkable story and example of the possibilities in workplace relationships. We spend the most time with these people, more time than our families (for most workers); work relationships are like family and deserve just as much love and development work to bring harmony and coherence.
I agree Penny, bullying is everywhere and we have to stand up and say, whether it is at work, home, or with friends. Once we say no to bullying things start to change.
I agree as that’s where the responsibility begins Amita. If we allow abuse in one area of our lives we allow it in all areas
This is a well needed to be written post MAS, thank you for writing this. Your words: “the way we are relating with each other in the workplace is not a true way of living and relating as human beings” – completely agreed, there is no place for abuse in our workplaces when there is the known focus towards harmony. And this is the reality today i.e. that this harmony is not the essential and core focus of business, and or business success, and so abuse is easy to have hanging around the place, it is excused, and even gets promoted, usually because of numbers/figures/financial results.
The truth is that we have disharmony at work in the workplace, because we have disharmony much closer to home than our own home or residence. The disharmony, conflict, tension lies within. And then spreads to home and work life. And only with us being collectively responsible towards dealing with this, we will then be able to effectively deal with it at work.
Powerfully expressed Zofia, “The disharmony, conflict, tension lies within. And then spreads to home and work life.” As long as there is disharmony in our bodies it is almost impossible to have harmony in your relationships.
Great blog, MAS. I see lots of low-level, persistent bullying in my work with nonprofit organisations and people, much of it so normalised people barely register it – it’s as of we’ve become so used to abuse it’s pretty much an accepted part of life. Turning the situation around by working with yourself first and foremost is the first step; MAS has also beautifully illustrated how bringing love in the workplace can transform all.
Spot on MAS. It is so hard to deal with workplace abuse and bullying if you are contributing to it, not by being aggressive but by “approaching people with a deep wall of protection”. Showing the one person being less defensive can free others to be less aggressive is more evidence of how much responsibility we all have.
” I agree Joel and I am particularly moved by this truth..”So… no love in business?! From the chaos that I have experienced with workplace relationships, I now know without any doubt that there must be love in business just as much as there must be love in all our relationships.” You don’t hear or see many instances where those words are in the same sentence.
Yes Joel, we have to take self responsibility to the next level and be open and willing to look at how we are behaving sets up a reaction in others.
MAS, I felt you were writing this blog just for me! There was so much I could relate to in my own experience – particularly when it came to the part about taking responsibility for your own part in the abuse.. Ouch! For decades I bought into the belief that how my relationships were, whether at work, home, family etc were all about (or ‘mostly’ about) the other person and what they were doing to me, and that I was the one who therefore by default was being more loving within the relationship. However as was your experience, it was only after being introduced to the teachings of Universal Medicine that I began to take responsibility for my part in perpetuating these abusive cycles (which for me was behavior that was anything less than loving and including judgment, anger, resentment, emotional manipulation etc). This came back to me re-learning to care for and nurture myself, and to begin to develop a true relationship with myself based on self-love. This is still very much a work in progress, but the more I develop this relationship with myself, the more my relationships with others has also developed, with less and less of the abuse (ie any behaviour that is not loving).
Great Mas. I’ve noticed that as I continue to introduce love into my workplace, it becomes easier to feel where the real abuse is and where it is coming from, rather than reacting to the general disharmony in the workplace. Each and every person brings something valuable to work and there is the potential to have an incredible working environment that literally does not feel like work.
I used to say that in the past that I would love to work with what I love doing and I’m convinced that it’s very doable. Being content with myself is a very needed start and then finding something to do that I’m interested is a bonus.
Your blog has stopped me on my track. Lack of self-worth is deeply ingrained in people’s behaviour here in Japan, especially women, and some even misinterpret it as humbleness. In workplaces, it’s rare to find equalness and tension between the management and the staff member is very common, and various types and degrees of abuse have been tolerated by many as normal. I have an experience of trying to make changes while I was still holding onto my own lack of self-worth, and I know how that doesn’t work. I now understand that it simply starts with committing to being myself first.
So true Fumiyo, nothing can grow and blossom around us until we ourselves commit to appreciating our own innate qualities and lay down the foundations of our own self-care.
Beautifully delivered blog MAS exposing how the cycle of abuse in the workplace perpetuates. And the responsibility that we all have with this. Are we in fact in protection or reaction already before we are approached? A great question. As by considering yourself as a ‘victim’ as I have also learned, we are in fact avoiding to take responsibility of our part in the relationship, and so confirming and perpetuating abusive behaviour, which is abusive in itself. ‘These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.’ – well said. Saying ‘no’ to abuse is saying ‘yes’ to love and ‘yes’ there is another way the we can work more lovingly together with respect and appreciation of each other in the workplace. Thank you for reflecting so brilliantly that our working relationship can also be loving a loving relationship.
If I hadn’t experienced this myself, I would not have been able to vouch for the truth of every word you have written. But I have experienced similar bullying behaviour at a workplace. When this was happening, all my focus was on the other person and how they needed to change and to be honest, getting a lot out of the sympathy I received from co-workers. However thanks to a Universal Medicine retreat, I came back to work feeling much more full and contented within myself, knowing my worth and having greater love and understanding for others. With the change in me, the bullying stopped abruptly and moved onto another colleague. From this experience I realised just how pivotal the role is that the ‘victim’ plays in continuing this cycle.
“Who is actually abusing whom” – coming to this level of honesty of the disharmony we experience in relationship is so important. It is so easy to play the victim yet as MAS suggests, we can already reject others as a pre-emptive strike. Yet if we open up to people from a loving foundation we have established in our own lives, we offer them a choice. Like MAS, I have found people very most often choose love. It only needs one person to initiate this and it is great to read the evidence in this blog of what a roll on effect this can have in the work place.
This is Amazing the turn a round you have had at work, and great that with the support of Esoteric Healing and Universal Medicine Practitioners you could see the part you played in this abuse to change it and make it about love and people instead.
There was a certain para here that I just kept zoning out at when I was reading it. It was about letting people see your tender side. It was really revealing to see I just kept scanning over it when I finally read it properly I could feel what I was avoiding — the deep responsibility of having a body that is open to love even in the face of constant harassment. This is huge and something I am working on every day.
I feel the same way Rebecca… I’m seriously working on letting people in and not shutting off to them, but then again not accepting any abuse or hate coming my way. It requires me to be discerning, yet extremely loving at the same time, but it doesn’t have to be as complicated as it sounds if you are present when meeting each person during your day and keep these key things in mind.
Love your honesty Rebecca. It’s cool that you made the connection between the zone out and the fact that that para actually was bringing something up for you, that awareness in itself will assist greatly in unlocking things.
I have always been someone that is comfortable identifying myself as hard done by, in this, I don’t have a choice, as everything is being done to me and there fore others must change in order for things to improve. The responsibility that MAS brings through this article is powerful and blows that attitude out of the water.
Rebecca, thanks again for highlighting the importance of being able to love first and never letting someone else’s actions dictate your behaviour.
We do underestimate how much abuse is going on at work and we also have accepted a lot of behaviour as ‘normal’ behaviour, which in fact is not an okay behaviour but very hurting and deeply disturbing to the person it is targeted at. We do have to become more aware of what is going on, how we interact with each other and start to deeply care for one another. Only then can we even start to understand how very abuse our behaviours often are.
I would say that showing up to work being tired is a form of abuse, toward work colleagues and the employer. This might be a bit too much for some to hear but it’s true. A great thing then would be to ask how can I be outside work so that I then can show up being rested and fit for the day.
I love the clarity you have shared that most of the time people are abusive (including ourselves) when they react towards something they are feeling. This clarity allows us to not take it personally, as well as to call the abuse out (verbally or clocking it), and to keep letting them in.
Bringing in the topic of the difference between being emotional and feeling things would revolutionize just about everything, work environments included. Feelings and emotions are definitely different as I’m learning. One creates trouble and issues (emotions) and the other leaves us much more clear about what is actually going on and giving us the room to see things in a different light.
Thank you MAS for addressing the abuse in the workplace in this blog and you’r absolutely right, love must be the basis for all businesses too, not only for our intimate relationships.
MAS, thank you for sharing your experience of “Creating Harmonious Workplace Relationships”. I can really relate to this paragraph – “In each situation of conflict it always appeared that the other person was attacking, aggressive or rude towards me. However, I was failing to see that I was approaching people with a deep wall of protection in an attempt to not be hurt.” Your article is helping me to gain more insight into abusive relationships at work and I shall be returning to it again.
And also Natalie, not expressing what might come up on a regular basis could be seen as a form of abuse because it’s usually that that creates issues in the first place.
Thank you MAS for sharing this with us. How amazing would it be to connect with each other during work in tenderness and not the usual hard and tuff way as most of the times. Everyone can bring a new marker to work and speaking up for a different way.
This is such a firecracker of a blog MAS. It is clear that making work about love first is truly transformational. This line stopped me in my tracks. “There is a new closeness that I feel where no words are needed because the feeling of appreciation is so powerful that it is already expressed. ”
How often to we go to work feeling undervalued and unappreciated, blaming others for not seeing us but all the while neglecting to truly appreciate ourselves and others? You have inspired me to appreciate all I bring to every aspect of my life. Thank you.
So true Leonne, it is quite ridiculous really to think that we demand appreciation from others when we do not give it to ourselves nor to another. I too am bringing appreciation into all aspects of my life.
Excellent point Leonne – how can we blame others for not appreciating or valuing us, when we aren’t that way with them?
Yes so so true, with no appreciation there can be no true connection with ourselves or with others. This is something I am seeing so much more clearly now and in gradually building the appreciation for me and for my fellow workmates, the openness between us all at my work place has expanded hugely. We cannot underestimate the power of accepting and appreciating ourselves first and foremost as you say Jane, without that quality we cannot truly see it in or accept it from others.
This is beautiful MAS, true change can simply come from how we ourselves approach a situation. I can relate to what you say about always feeling a victim of the situation. Although I was not abused I could also feel people not speaking to me or ignoring me, and a long time I did not realise that I myself was acting in a way that already said: ‘don’t speak with me I am not interesting’. After realising this I am making my life now to the best of my ability, about connecting with people and love. And the changes are amazing.
To have harmony in a workplace, supports tremendously the success a business has. It is very needed for workplaces and businesses to understand how to create harmony. Thank you MAS for your amazing blog.
The only workplace I know that has no office dynamics and is harmonious is Universal Medicine. How do I know this because I have worked there for eight years and it has been consistently like this.
For me this just confirms that it is us that can make the change, why wait. Why not be the ones to be the love that we so long for.
So true Gyl, we can walk around with a massive wall between us and the world, adding another brick or two each time we get hurt or we can choose to live without the wall – because the fact is it never stopped us from getting hurt, just made it hard to connect and express ourselves with everyone around us.
I agree, Gyl, there is no need to wait when we can make the change and turn around the behaviour in the workplace.
Absolutely, no need to wait, just go for it and let others do what they will. Well said.
MAS I can relate to much you have shared, I have for years never fully opened up at work, home, with family and friends and kept people at a distance to me, not letting them see and feel how much I deeply love and care about them. This has changed, even through a text exchange recently which lead to a genuine heartfelt hug with a work colleague. But it has been about me not demanding, imposing or needing other people to be a certain way, but working on being more compassionate, tender and loving with myself and then I naturally feel love and extend this to everyone else. Thank you for this beautiful confirmation that through the choices we make things can change.
‘it has been about me not demanding, imposing or needing other people to be a certain way,’
This I can strongly relate too Gyl. Through me needing others to be a certain way I am the one actually creating disharmony and tension in the office. I am having the ‘run ins’ with people. Thank you for this ultimate exposure – it feels like a distraction from loving me and opening up to love. Looking forward to going to work today.
I love it “For most of my working life I have been involved in or surrounded by abusive or disharmonious workplace relationships. I tried over and over to escape from these situations but found that they presented again and again, just with a different face.” how true is this of life, no matter how much we may try to avoid things, situation or people – they always present themselves again. This is not a bad thing, in truth it is a blessing – how much love must we be held in by God for him to say hey I love you so much I’m gonna give you another opportunity to look at whatever it is that stops you from being the amazing loveable being you are and move on. Thats pretty damn awesome if you ask me. And a great way to not beat yourself up, as you will get another opportunity as everything comes around again and again – but also to not use it as an excuse to not take responsibility.
That’s true Gyl…the so called adversities in life are often where the pot of gold lies hidden, until we realise the great learning and deeper understanding that is on offer. Years ago when I travelled across the globe I clearly saw that our baggage travels with us no matter where we go…different people and faces, but same story or pattern repeating itself until we start taking responsibility for our part which then eventually allows us to see the pot of gold.
I love that Marika, that we carry our baggage everywhere we go. We cannot outrun it, out-fly it, or leave it at customs! It is always there until we deal with it …
That’s a great reflection Gyl. We are here to learn and be responsible for all we are participating in. Nothing is separate, including us, from God. It’s definitely worth stopping to feel the appreciation that everything occurs in the divine way with Gods loving support. It’s up to us how we choose to interpret or re-interpret. For me the interpretation depends on how uncomfortable I am receiving the truth in the first place.
I feel speechless MAS having read this. Definitely an area of my life to look at further. Thank you for being so open, especially where you speak about realising that shutting people out and rejecting them is abusive. Abuse is not a term commonly associated with this behaviour, but it makes a lot of sense. Imagine how differently we would live if we saw anything unloving as abusive?
That is such a great point that shutting people out and rejecting them is abusive. I know when I have been at the receiving end of this in life, it has hurt. Reflecting on this as MAS has here brings a greater understanding of how we impact life and are actually responsible for the level of harmony and love around us wherever we are.
“There is a new closeness that I feel where no words are needed because the feeling of appreciation is so powerful that it is already expressed.” This is so gorgeous MAS, and how great to be experiencing this considering where you have come from. The wall of protection does indeed contribute to the abusive environment. When we let this down and allow our love to be seen and felt it makes such a world of difference and contributes to a harmonious environment like the one you are now working in.
Yes very true Rebecca, and how different would we feel if we made our life about love and having loving relationships and connection.
What an amazing turn around MAS, I love the way you have taken charge of your life and relationships. The part that stands out to me is “I didn’t allow people to see my sensitive, tender and loving side and I didn’t allow others to feel how much I cared about them either. In fact, on many occasions I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me. So in the end it was difficult to determine whether I was reacting to others or whether they were reacting to me. Who was actually abusing whom? These lines were no longer clear, but one thing was sure – none of it was love.” This is so honest of you MAS, but I feel a necessary part of your healing and the change in others response to you. It is also great reminder for those of us who cling onto being a victim to life’s circumstances to take a good honest look at what we are doing to make ourselves victims in the first place. There is so much to uncover and understand, but when we do our world expands, and a loving relationship with ourselves and life is possible, as your experience shows us.
I loved all that you have said here and it shows there are no limits or excuses on where and when we choose to be open and loving.
It’s quite absurd Michelle for us to justify to ourselves and others why we would choose to be loving to one and not another, or in one situation and not another, when it’s such a natural and deep seeking within us all, to be loved and to offer love.
Exactly Michelle. Bringing love, responsibility and commitment to all moments in our lives might sound big, but the more we do it, the more we will realize how much our life – and the lives of others – simplify and ease by that.
To step into environments that are totally lacking love and actually expressing love there is one of the greatest things we can do.
I agree Felix. It is not a pleasant start, but with time and consistency it may change a lot. We ought not to forget, working full time, you spend more time with your ‘work family’ than with your family at home. Shouldn’t it be a premise that we have loving relationships at our workplaces?
Yes Felix, and I would add, we have opportunities to do this everywhere we go, not just in our workplaces.
Thanks for sharing MAS. I havnt experienced abuse in the workplace myself but have heard many stories of people that have. Which always shocks me. It would be really difficult to face that going to work each day and would make life hard.
You’re right Emily, it is shocking and it is super-hard to turn up to an awful workplace situation day in, day out. Learning how to self-love and self-care is paramount. Developing self-worth is essential in terms of speaking up too.
I haven’t experienced abuse in the workplace either, but I have hopped, or should I say jumped, from job to job carrying around my own wall of protection and blaming others, and feeling hurt by the reaction I get from others when all along they are just reflecting back to me MY state of being. My issues just followed me wherever I went. It was a revelation when I realised that I was responsible for my relationships at work and I could no longer blame others. Once I started to work on myself and take responsibility and not take things personally my workplace relationships improved, namely because my relationship with myself has improved, I now take more of the real me to work and accept that whatever happens in my day is a reflection of me.
Emily, yes it was a difficult time and it lasted for many years. I could have left … and that was what was recommended but I knew that the abuse would find me again. In actual fact, staying offered me a wonderful gift … because in that time I discovered that I had a voice, not a voice to fight, but a voice to express what is love.
That is so true MAS. We often abandoned a situation thinking that is the answer, but until we learn the value of our true worth and how to express love, these situations will keep presenting themselves to us until we do. Facing the situation and learning to go there with people, to take responsibility for our part in the proceedings and express without blaming others goes a long way to establishing healthy, caring relationships in the work place. A company who puts people first and nurtures a truly caring work environment will naturally produce a quality product that many will want to purchase.
So that’s why some products feels so much better when you hold them, touch them and use them. There is more care in making the product and I would assume that care is already also taken with the people making the product. Some company logos also feels so much better than others.
I love what you say here MAS. Every situation presents itself for a reason, is an offer to deal with an issue. I relate to this through my situation as an employer who found it really difficult finding the right relationship with my employees. I could have run away, but have persevered and now have a beautiful, very people-based, and loving workplace. We certainly have a lot of fun and enjoy our jobs. Thanks for presenting this powerful blog.
I love the honesty you use when you talk about rejecting people well before they reject you. It is a great way to see our own responsibility in how interactions and relationships play out.
So true Libby. So many us are so focused on being the victim we forget to look at the ways we are also perpetrator.
Yes it’s a game that many people play “I’ll reject you before you reject me.” I played this game for years up until I learnt from Universal Medicine a more loving way…. to let people in no matter how they were with you…just do not let in the nasty energy.
Mary- Louise this is spot on as there is a game at play. Being open to people no matter how they are with you is the key, while saying no to any behaviour that is not loving. This is what I commit to in my workplace and it’s makes a huge difference about how I feel throughout my day.
‘Being open to people no matter how they are with you is the key, while saying no to any behaviour that is not loving.’ Yes Mary-Louise and Sharon this is so important.
Without learning about this game I would not have the awareness that I do now to see that the person in front of me and the energy that are different. With my eyes they seem one and the same. With my heart I can feel that nasty energy you describe Mary-Louise and observe the difference. If I didn’t have this awareness I would be at a loss to understand why people act the way they do at times.
I love what you say here Raegan….”seeing anything that does come up as a blessing, a reflection to go deeper with myself and those around me.” That simple sentence put into action, can change many situations and relationships….what a revelation you share here for everyone…Thank you.
Absolutely Mas, a business operating without love in all its dealings becomes a machine that crushes the very foundation that developed the business in the first place – its employees.
Brilliantly said Andrew, I completely agree
Hi Andrew. Employees and employers are both crucial to the running of a business and neither can function without the other. Having loving connections between all the people in a business keeps all aspects of the business alive and well. A very insightful blog.
Thanks, this is a confirming blog. Sometimes I feel like I’m not getting love in relationships from people and that hurts. But what the main thing is is that I can still choose to love that person openly. I can’t really control whether another appreciates me or not.
Our workplaces are a microcosm of society where people compete and vie for power and position often bullying and abusing one another to feel more comfortable or secure in a role but it goes beyond that to personal dynamics, lack of respect and thinking that we can be harsh and irresponsible because after all its business not personal. Under this guise we then tolerate abuse and disharmony that creates stress and tension which feeds more of the same. By saying hey I’m worth more than this and we need to work out our differences and realise that we are actually working towards a common goal goes along way to dissipating these unacceptable behaviours. However for this to happen we need to develop a relationship with ourself that is caring and non-abusive so that we have boundaries to what we will and wont accept which in turn allows workplaces to build a culture of respect, accountability and self-responsibility that will be a stepping stone to a more harmonious and loving work environment.
This is so awesome Rachel. I don’t believe I could have said it better myself.
Totally agree Rachel, when we learn to love and cherish ourselves we build a sense of true worth – that is worth preserving, and where the ability to compromise (on this) lessens to make disregard or abuse feel alien. When we accept abuse, it is a sign that our level of love and self-worth is low, and in need of strengthening through deep care and honour.
Absolutely Rachel and Zofia, the truth you both share is amazing, which brings it back to self and our responsibility.
Beautiful shared Zofia and a great way to recognise when we are not honouring ourself and self care has been neglected.
beautifully said Rachel, there is a level of self responsibility that we all need to consider in all relationships, not just work, but until as a society we stop looking outside for the answer to all our issues, the workplace will continue to be plagued by the “blame game”mentality where it is always someone else’s fault.
I agree with what you say about the ‘workplaces are a microcosm of society where people compete and vie for power and position often bullying and abusing one another’ wouldn’t it be awesome if we sorted out our issues before we started work or just put them to one side and focused on being love with others instead. As MAS has shared this way does work.
This is so true Rachel. We need to start out life from a position of absolute love and tenderness with ourselves first, and have this fostered and maintained so we do not succumb to the merry-go-round of hardness and seeking externally for things that we need. Our future lies in making love first, and only then will we start to arrest the complication and abuse that arises in workplaces, relationships and families the world over.
Absolutely Amelia, to build a strong foundation of love and tenderness for ourselves first is essential, then we are less likely to let the protection creep back in. Let love lead the way and be the only way forth.
Rachel I am with you on this. I present a course on bullying and harassment. It is common for people to admit they would rather put up with abuse than challenge it, fearing it would intensify, or they would be victimised. Building a culture of mutual respect in companies can take time, individuals can be shown how to care for and respect themselves first and put in place boundaries in response to behaviours they find unacceptable. Self-responsibility, if adopted helps the whole organisation,
I feel sure many people wouldn’t behave at home the way they behave at work and that how they behave at work is a true reflection of how they are really feeling, and that it is justified and seen as ok because it is just ‘work colleagues’ and not family, and that sometimes you just need to do whatever it takes to get the job done. But, if we were to treat everyone as if they were our family, then certain workplace behaviours would simply not be accepted as they are now.
Great post Rachael. How could we not see the workplace as a microcosm of society and how could we not see our own role in perpetuating the abuse either through allowing it to occur around us, perpetrating it or simply living life shutting people out and form part of the reactions that hurt the abusers in the first place.
Well said Rachel … I agree with you whole heartedly!
Hear! Hear! Rachel, very well said and great ideas.
Hi Rachel Hall, I loved this comment so much I have actually emailed it to myself. I am going for a walk with a friend that is having some trouble at work and I thought it would be a great thing to share with her, thank you, your contributions are always greatly appreciated by me.
I have been caught up in those “blurred lines” in abusive situations.
Judging and rejecting are major issues in the workplace as well as in our homes. We can bring honesty and a willingness to engage openly, as you say MAS ” bring true connection and tenderness”.
It has to begin with me………..from the work model here so clearly described.
Mas you are spot on. All workplaces need to build loving relationships within their walls for a healthy and full working environment. Imagine how absolutely glorious it would be if all workplaces adopted this as a foundation.
I agree Kelly, there is a lot of hurt and protection in workplaces and life for that matter. MAS offers us all a beautiful reflection of true change and how relationships and life can be.
Yes, it’s amazing how workplaces can be an outlet for unresolved hurts… often from childhood or school – with people striving and driving to succeed – at the expense of themselves and others.
This approach completely transforms the competitiveness MAS and provides instead a supportive platform that grows EVERYONE within the workplace equally. Beautiful.
Yes Kylie, workplaces can be like the schoolyard all over again. But this time we often have more investments as they are the ones paying us. However, as we resolve those childhood issues, then it is amazing how our relationship with others change.
How awesome it would be to start to prepare people for the workplace while they are still in school? Not just with knowledge they will need to do a job, but how to work together as a group with each other. That would transform the world.
This is true. Hurt bouncing off hurt until someone takes the responsibility to be more tender and loving with themselves and others. Then change can happen. Change will never happen with is each taking responsibility for our hurts and self care.
I imagine the flow on of that to customers who use those services? The people who use a business know exactly what is going on in the work place. They can feel the tension or conversely the love and care. They might go to a business because the quality of the product suits their needs, but given the choice they would go elsewhere.
Well said Rachel Mascord and I agree. We too often ‘dress’ things up in a work place or business to make it look good thinking that is all people see, but as you say Rachel, “They (customers) can feel the tension or conversely the love and care”. Customers and people in general are looking for alternatives to what is currently out there and a harmonious workplace would certainly give everyone a different feel in business.
Fully agree with you Raymond – I was a star at one of my past workplaces and I realised that what people, customers and just about everyone are looking for is connection, to have a person really meeting them fully present and that’s it. I loved my job and I loved meeting people and that is felt by everyone that came in contact with me, be it on the phone or in person.
Can’t stop myself from saying that ‘Don’t ask what your job can do for you but what you can do for your job’ fits like a glove here.
Indeed Matts, how many of us ask ourselves the question ‘what can I bring to my job today?’ A great way to reflect on and appreciate what we can and do actually bring. A great question to start your working day with and a lovely way to appreciate all the great qualities we have.
Yes so true Rachel and Raymond, we all feel the tension, disharmony and disrespect as soon as you walk into a business by seeing how staff work together or talk to each other. I can see who is trying to show another up or make themselves look good… it feels terrible and most of the time if there is an alternative place, I will choose that next time.
We bought Fish and chips tonight and left saying we will be coming back again because of their service and the way they so enjoyed the work they do and working together. We could really feel how lovely it would be to work there.
Yes, exactly Rachel. The significance of our workplace relationships is far greater than we choose to be aware of. Perhaps if companies were aware of the impact of working relationships on the final product, far more time and focus would be on the quality of the way we work together, rather than achieving an outcome at the expense of the team.
I agree Rachel. I for one would always choose a store where I felt met and cared for as a person. And where I could feel the workplace was harmonious.
So true Rachel, being in Recruitment it’s very easy for another i.e. the client or candidate to feel the tension or joy of the Recruiter over the phone or during meetings. People can pick it up or sense it, they’re not silly but very aware, such that even though the words Recruiters might ‘sell’ sound good, the energy they’re spoken in is always felt, whether it’s desperation, a push, imposition, or openness. It’s not what is said, but more the quality and intention behind what’s being said. And what a person buys, or not.
I agree Kelly, how awesome it would be for all workplaces to be built on a foundation of love and harmony. I see it as my responsibility, as an individual, to build that foundation within myself, that way it will be reflected back out into the workplace, and if we all did this en masse then things would begin to change.
MAS, it is amazing the change a single person can make to a workplace and how much having more awareness transforms our life for the better!
Indeed Christoph and also what happens when we change ourselves and look at situations with a whole new light – the possibilities are endless!
Yes Sarah, when we change old patterns and be more of our true selves it is simply wondrous what can unfold.
Yes Sarah I couldn’t agree more. When we make loving changes for ourselves the world does seem to open up. I also feel I don’t react to certain situations as often and can observe situations much better.
Transformation indeed Christoph – it is profound what a difference we can make when we choose love.
Bernadette your simple comment has unfathomable depth. Every situation imaginable can be transformed by choosing love. It is for me to consider what prevents me from choosing it ?
Awesome how when one person chooses not to contribute to harassment and begins to act lovingly and with respect, others follow. More proof that our natural way of being is rooted in love and care.
I agree Catherine how profoundly a dynamic can change when we look honestly at our role form all angles.
I agree Catherine, for one person to bring about this change it also highlights the depth of our power and hence the responsibility that we all have individually, each and everyone one of us has the constant opportunity to bring about a revolutionary change
Just you saying that Oliver is revolutionary! I’ve often seen revolution as a group of people marching for change, but one person choosing to deal with situations in a workplace harmoniously and with integrity and respect is revolutionary, because as we see from the figures from the Australian Human Rights Commission on workplace harassment – abuse within the workplace is unacceptably high.
Yes Shevon, and absenteeism because of workplace bullying and stress is also very high. The difference that one person can make in the workplace is something I have had experience of, and as Oliver has said it can bring about a revolutionary change.
Absolutely Shevon, and the abuse in the workplace will only start to drop when there is a love of self that is encouraged, such that any compromise or abuse upon that developed love will no longer be accepted. Saying no to abuse, is saying yes to love.
I agree Shevon – being active or ‘revolutionary’ in the world can become so simple when we begin by embracing love. It is so powerful when ‘we deal with situations in a workplace harmoniously and with integrity and respect’.
I couldn’t agree more Oliver. This flips the illusion of hierarchical structures (within organisations) on its head. Each and every one of us is all powerful and all knowing, equally so. In each and every moment we have a choice to be the love that we are or to contribute to and perpetuate disharmony and individualism. How important then, as Zofia has shared, that love of self is promoted, taught and encouraged in the work place. This is where it all begins. When our love of self is sold, our love for others naturally follows.
I loved reading this thread of comments as it is so evident that the change in workplace consciousness starts with each and everyone of us. We are only disempowered at work when we see that we have no voice, yet everyone of us is responsible and every voice, choice and action we make does have an effect. Beginning by loving ourselves is key, from this solid foundation we let go of the old hurts and make way for true connection with others. What a stellar article!
I love walking into a work place and not being able to pick out who the boss is when there is an equality that is noticed in the work space. There confidence to lead in any situation is held by the home team and each member can feel that they are supported in the best possible way.
Catherine what you say is true. I now choose not to contribute to negative talk at work. It is easy now but initially the pull to join in was considerable. It really felt like going against the tide and took intention and application. I still have moments where I am not as clear as I would like however I am committed to continually improving the way i am at work and all areas of my life.
This is something I have made a commitment to refrain from too Catherine. Negative work gossip can be easy to get drawn into, but when I have allowed myself to join in with it, it leaves me feeling very uncomfortable afterwards.
Yes Alexis, and isn’t it liberating when we feel the consequences of gossip and negative talk and start to let it go, and how it starts to literally tune us up inside, so that the frequency of our vehicle of expression naturally starts to rise.
That is so beautifully said Catherine – we are more powerful than we realise.
I agree, Gemma. Our impact is far more than our mind can comprehend. We are so much more than a physical body.
That’s a great point Catherine how this blog offers a reflection that our natural way of being is love and care not harassment, judgment, abuse etc
Yes Catherine this is gorgeous. It is like a beacon on a dark night. You see the warm light and you find your path home. People really do see and feel a difference when someone takes responsibility and stands up for truth. Thank you.
I agree Catherine once we start to claim all that is within and bring Love into work then magnetic pull kicks in and everyone feels this, a powerful yet natural ability we all have equally.
Hi catherine, I felt the truth of your words ‘…our natural way of being is rooted in love and care.” – and one has to wonder why the other fork in the road is often chosen over ‘love and care’. Since attending the presentations of Universal Medicine and learning about The Way of the Livingness I see now at one time long ago I used to bend like a reed in a flowing creek, and bowed to the pressure of the force not realizing there was a choice, the choice to just be love and not contribute to the scenario being played out.
Yes Roberta, and how incredible it is that Universal Medicine empowers the individual to not just keep going with the flow, even when you discover the flow is actually a sewer, but to stand, with presence and grace and to embody what it really is to be a human.
I agree Catherine. Abuse festers and thrives because we allow it by simply stating quiet. That passiveness is an act of saying yes. When we start to say no to abuse in our lives we’re saying yes to love and harmony instead and our actions, our movements all confirm this and emanate these qualities where we go offering others the opportunity to say no to abuse as well.
Yes Christoph, a beautiful reminder of the power we each hold to make a difference just by loving ourselves and observing life rather than absorbing it.
And we all have a unique expression of that power that is equally needed in the world. So when one of us stands up and begins to claim the power by expressing through love and care great change can occur.
That is gold indeed Rachael “a reminder of the power we each hold to make a difference just by loving ourselves and observing life rather than absorbing it.”
Yes I agree Christoph I know I do not appreciate that simply me being present in a room without saying anything can make a huge change to people if they so choose to align to the fiery energy.
Yes, why is it that I feel I have to DO something and not just appreciate myself for who I am and what I bring. The times that I have felt more open are the times when I have noticed the difference around me, and that feels very powerful. How beautiful it is that we can make a difference if WE choose to align to the fiery energy then others, if they choose, can align to it too, what a huge responsibility that is, and one that I only appear to accept occasionally, but once the fiery seed is sown there is no getting away from working on being in my true power, all of the time.
And that is the thing isn’t it Sandra, that we actually do make a difference, and that difference really is profound… Sometimes we do not know the effect that we are having on everyone and everything around us.
Absolutely Mary-Louise, we often can underestimate all that we bring simply by our presence.
Yes true, I tend to forget that as well. Just being present we bring already so much. At times you don’t even have to say anything, you just have to be and this is already a huge gift.
Agree Mariette, the silence of fiery or divine energy is enough. And the power of this silence cannot not be felt, and yet at the same time, and quite often is not fully appreciated through the interruption of spoiling chat or thought. The silence of the Soul is all the greatest conversation that’s needed or required.
So true, Mariette. There is nowhere we need to get to. We just need to be ourselves in the moment and we are more than enough.
Yes, Mariette, that is the key, I just have to be me. How wonderful, there is no need to be trying. How simple!
Me too, I am realising the changes in people when I approach them in a very open and lighthearted approach. This quality comes back to me most of the time and makes space for a joyful togetherness.
What a great reminder Marcia.
Absolutely!
So true Mary-Louise, I’ve often thought that I have to say or do something to make a difference, and in doing that discount the fact that there is power in my presence when I am just being me.
Great point Mary-Louise. I often get caught up in thinking I need to “do” something to make a change. When people bring all of themselves, their presence is really felt and can change everything. We are powerful!
We have been tricked into doing and wanting to be recognised for that doing. Where as being requires nothing from anyone else, nothing to sell, nothing to do just be you, for us to live that is the most important thing to do!
Great point Michelle..’and all that was done was to walk into a room with no expectations or demands!’ This is how I will walk into the office today.
Mary-Louise, I am the same, I too don’t appreciate enough how just my presence can make a difference to peoples’ lives. I don’t need to be doing anything or saying anything, just being there is enough. If people choose to align they feel the fiery energy.
This is powerful Mary-Louise and Amita and good to be reminded that our presence is enough.
Our presence is more than enough. It speaks volumes!
What I have found is not only can we make a difference to families, workplaces and businesses, by living a way that is aligned to truth and true love we can also make a difference to buildings and the space around and within buildings.
So true Mary-Louise, we can feel it in others and appreciate it in others but to do that for ourselves we can get a bit unstuck. Time to appreciate me some more I feel.
Yes I find my presence has been my greatest asset in life. At work focusing on my presence makes so many situations so much easier to deal with. I find being very present with clients helps them feel relaxed and heard. It’s transforming my life daily.
Yes I agree, my focus on my presence at work has made an enormous change in how I handle everything that comes my way. I just wish I had been taught this so much earlier in life, because it’s incredibly valuable life skill.
I am also learning to appreciate the impact my dedication to true love and relationships has in the workplace, in fact anywhere … People know it to be true and they can recognise it in an instant without you saying a thing, simply eminating the love you know you are and is equally in all. What they do with that then is totally up to them.
Agree Mary-Louise and I often consider if we actually visually saw the effect we (aligned to fiery energy) do have on people, would we then be (more) appreciating of this? It is complete joy when you see a person change, their eyes brighter, that they feel more light than before…but this is typically when communication of words happens through conversation or counsel for instance. Imagine if two people (one of fiery love) were in a room just sitting, with no words being exchanged except for silent energy.
Now that’s worth pondering!
Yes Christoph Schnelle I agree. Why sit back, and don’t be attached to what the ‘change’ may look like. One person bringing more awareness to any situation can have an untold affect. With more love and care in any situation it is a great way forward.
The power of our voices when we are in stillness can change a whole room of arguing people, the power of love is loud.
‘The power of love is loud’ – this is beautiful Vanessa.
Absolutely Vanessa – Stillness/love in expression is very very powerful
It can be a bit like opening Pandora’s box once one person makes the choice to change Things can go anywhere I have experienced that first hand. I understand what you say about not being attached to what the change may look like as you can get stuck in the process rather than staying open to what potentially is or is not on the other side.
Raymond this is so true. Bringing more love and care to the work place is constantly felt by others and they too feel to bring that quality too.
Absolutely Christoph, we can often see ourselves as insignificant small fishies in a big pond, but as in MAS’ example above, one person really can make a difference. Imagine what would be if that one person became 2 people, or 3, or 4…
Absolutely. It is amazing how when we become more tender with ourselves that it is impossible to not share that same level of tenderness and consideration toward others.
The reality is, someone has to start the ball rolling and begin the ripple effect. It might as well be us.
That is indeed truly amazing Christoph. ‘I had judged people and rejected them well before they had a chance to reject me. So in the end it was difficult to determine whether I was reacting to others or whether they were reacting to me’. This is not just going on at work but everywhere all the time.
Completely valid and super point Ilja Kleintjes, so the reverse – when we cease the self judgment and develop an at-ease within ourselves, so too do others benefit in the same way. We are but a mirror of ourselves.
I have found this to be true within my family also. Being loving with ourselves and by extension others, is far reaching, more than we can imagine. I love how this blog shares this truth in such a simple way.
Spot on Mas this is amazing! I love what you say that you “put love first”
This is a great job to do, thank you for sharing!
Absolutely agree, Christoph it is amazing how just one person can transform the disharmony in a workplace into a place of wonderful harmony. If that person lives their life in a very consistently loving way, and brings that same consistency into the workplace, they can turn around the whole atmosphere that may be prevailing. If they bring that same way of living into how they do all that they do, and into their interaction with the others, there is no level of change they cannot bring about.