For most of my life I have bought into a myth of such magnitude that it is impossible to either calculate or fathom the sum total of its catastrophic effects. It is a myth that is held almost universally and one that is encouraged and perpetuated by both men and women equally. Popular culture coined the term for this myth, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus:’ in a nutshell it describes the seemingly irrevocable differences between men and women. And up until very recently this is something that I simply took as gospel.
I felt that everywhere I looked there was evidence to support the myth. Growing up in the 70’s in England, the differences between what the two sexes actually did was stark.
Men almost exclusively held positions of power, not just as world leaders but leaders in religions worldwide, as well as in government, pretty much all businesses, schools, local authorities and indeed most organisations. Women on the other hand were generally always the ones who were at home with the kids and if they did work, then it tended to be as nurses, in the typing pool, as secretaries, in the school canteen etc. It was a given that women did the jobs that supported the men to be able to do their jobs.
The myth was mirrored in my own home. My dad was a manager in an insurance company. He often travelled a lot for work. My mum looked after my sister and I when we were smaller and then when she was able to return to work, my mum worked in secretarial and personal assistant roles. I never remember Mum working for a woman, only ever men. The other thing that mum did, which seemed to bolster my belief that men and women had very different qualities, was that she ‘helped out a lot.’ Mum did lots of charity work and she cared constantly for those around her. As a result, I grew up believing that women were naturally more caring than men.
Even though I grew up in a family where my parents shared the decision-making process and always showed one another the greatest respect, I was very aware that this was often not the norm. I knew just from being out in the world that men were by default the decision makers – they were the ones that said what was going to happen. I knew that they didn’t have to justify or reason why; they were able to have the last say based purely on the fact that they were men. I was also aware that violence towards women was an accepted part of our society and I saw what I deemed to be the ‘aggressive side of men’ as simply yet another glaringly obvious sign of the differences between men and women.
Growing up, the evidence was all around me: men and women were indeed a completely different species. As I became a teenager and started to go out with boys, the differences between the two sexes were further confirmed. I had boyfriends who drove cars in destruction derbies, boyfriends who volunteered to fight fires, boyfriends who were enthusiastic about cars and motorbikes, boyfriends who loved competitive sport and boyfriends who loved going to the pub with their mates. Basically, boyfriends who loved doing things that many girls didn’t.
Although my relationships always started off well, they also ended up full of struggle, a familiar pushing and pulling, a lack of understanding one another, an inability to see things in the same way – basically a breakdown in communication. I remember being in my mid-twenties and thinking to myself that although I was not attracted to women in a sexual way, I could see the benefits of being in a relationship with another woman – at least we would speak the same language!
So when in 1992, John Gray’s book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ was published, I thought, “How true that is – men and women are indeed a different species,” and I saw the prospect of spending my life in a relationship with a man from another planet as rather gloomy.
In the last several years, I have been involved in the process of healing: a process that has involved the stripping back of many layers. Layers of muck that I have accumulated not just from my current life, but from many lifetimes. These overlapping layers are multitudinous, made up from an array of different things; reactions to being hurt, beliefs that I have taken on, ideals that I have tried to live up to. They are many and varied but basically what they all have in common is that they are all not me.
When healing is true, then the false layers get stripped back and removed for good.
I have received true support for this healing process through Universal Medicine. There are many men and women who are on the return leg of the journey with me and as a result of being with, and feeling the quality of the men, who are also stripping back their layers, I have had a revelation of such magnitude that it has quite literally taken the top of my head off.
When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact. Ok sure, we have different bodies and yep, men can lift more weight than women, but in our essence, we are the same. The alarming thing is that I have had the living evidence with me my whole life: I have a dad who is the most tender of men and a partner who is a naturally gentle and caring man but the belief that men and women are different was so strong that it overrode the evidence that was right under my nose.
How destructive a force must beliefs be that they have the power to do this?
What these realisations have led me to understand is that any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits. What’s worse is that we have lived with these introduced changes for such a long time that we have come to see them as normal but they are not – they are not normal at all.
So, something to ponder on is how would life be if we lived free of the largely unchallenged myth that ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and simply allowed men and women to be who they naturally are?
By Alexis Stewart, Disability support worker, yoga teacher, massage therapist, mother, partner, patch of God, Sydney, Australia
Further Reading:
Equality – What Does it Mean?
Gender Equality – It Starts With Me Now
Love – the missing link in gender equality
Gender equality: how far have we come?
Alexis this is a great sharing because of what it is you do share that so many of us brush under the carpet and pretend it doesn’t exist is that we take on other people’s stuff – ideals and beliefs
“In the last several years, I have been involved in the process of healing: a process that has involved the stripping back of many layers. Layers of muck that I have accumulated not just from my current life, but from many lifetimes. These overlapping layers are multitudinous, made up from an array of different things; reactions to being hurt, beliefs that I have taken on, ideals that I have tried to live up to. They are many and varied but basically what they all have in common is that they are all not me.”
When we can peel back the layers we come back to those qualities we had when we were small our sensitivity, fragility and delicateness which are the most beautiful qualities we all have that get squashed because they are not welcome or wanted in our present society. But actually they are the foundations of who we are and if we all reconnected back to these foundational qualities there would be no abuse in the world because it would be impossible to abuse ourselves or another because there is not an ounce of abuse in these qualities that are naturally part of who we are.
Mary if we all stripped ourselves back to the essence of who we all are we would come to feel that we are actually All One and The Same Thing, we are The United Body of God. This would make it impossible to abuse another because in truth there is no ‘other’. Abusing ‘another’ would be akin to punching yourself in the head.
Consideration of who we are will play a part in our evolution and thus the Angels also get a look in, as can we all when we take our lead from the stars (constellations) and are not caught by any form of distraction about our origins.
I know some men who are more tender and caring than women, it’s not alien for them to be such either. The alien part is that which says men are hard and tough, women are submissive and all the other lies we’ve adopted.
“simply allowed men and women to be who they naturally are?” A beautiful adventure revealing the truth.
Is it possible we are fed these differences between men and women because it keeps us apart and at times at war with each other? We are fed these lies from an early age and so as we grow up we just accept the status quo. It was not until Universal Medicine came along that we heard about the essence that each of us carries within us, when we strip back our hurts, ideals, beliefs that we are saturated with we discover we are all the same and this is a great revelation to come to as it means we can support each other to heal and grow together and not apart.
The more open and transparent each of us become then it is simpler to see we are all-the-same, especially when we understand our true origins, does it matter whether we are from Mars or Venus.
We may discuss the concept that men are from Mars and women are from Venus but what if there was a truth in that we don’t actually belong on this planet at all. That we are the aliens we are so fascinated with this concept we write books, make films, t.v. series about aliens from another planet is this because at a subconscious level we know this is true.
Yes, in essence men and women are the same, ‘then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact’. The more people allow themselves to be truly seen and felt, the more this fact becomes apparent.
Thank you for exposing the depth of this lie that has been perpetrated for way too long and challenging the belief that there are any differences between men and women other than the physical bodies that we happen to be in this lifetime. We all need to claim this and support each other to return to our innate tenderness as we strip away the accumulated protective layers that have kept us imprisoned in isolation from each other.
I love this Helen, we all need to, ‘support each other to return to our innate tenderness as we strip away the accumulated protective layers that have kept us imprisoned in isolation from each other.’ We are here to support others to evolve back to who they truly are.
It is interesting, in light of this article, that now there are many reports of women becoming increasingly violent and aggressive. Whereas it used to be the stereotype for men to be this way.
Everywhere we look there is evidence to support all the big lies about life. That’s the catch, that this energy justifies itself – feeling with our heart is the only way out of this perpetual loop.
This article is spot on and exposes the pressure on men to be a certain way and to not be themselves.
Yes and we are all responsible for allowing this to continue and can be part of the change that is already happening.
I agree Rebecca and it is easy to see how this happens from when men are just little boys, society has a certain stereotype that boys are moulded into. For example boys are not allowed to cry if they hurt themselves say by falling over they have to tough it out. Generation after generation we smash our children both boys and girls by our false ideals and beliefs.
Mary we are all ‘smashed’ constantly by ideals and beliefs. Whatever age, whatever nationality, whatever profession, whatever gender, we are all pulverised in the washing machine of ideals and beliefs and then our misshapen form is hung out on the grotesquely misshapen washing line of Life to dry. Nothing is as it seems, the whole rotting lot is a lie.
Alexis, this would be amazing; ‘how would life be if we lived free of the largely unchallenged myth that ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and simply allowed men and women to be who they naturally are?’ If there were not the pictures and expectations that men should be tough and providers etc then we would see that men are just as sensitive and sweet and caring as women.
Books like that just take away the magic of what happens when you fall in love – they take away the magic of what is between us and make it some kind of battle or struggle against the different sexes. The fact is the major associated difference between the genders derives from learnt behaviours and not who we are in truth.
The most powerful being is one who knows they are of male and female essence – equally so.
I remember when this book came out and how it tapped into long held beliefs that men and women were completely different creatures who would never fully understand each other. I find there are some ‘differences’ but that is one of the things that makes exploring relationships so rich and endless. But there are many more things in common and the true qualities of a man or woman are divine, and therefore known deeply to us all.
The book came with a lot of ideals that this was the only way in which we could solve the difference we were feeling amongst the two sexes rather than stopping to ponder that all that we see as differences are not difference but honouring the process of learning, healing and truly evolving of the human being.
I always love what you share Alexis, with your own unique style always bringing a smile to my face, thank you. I know too religion has a big part to play in its version that a man is the head of the house, thereby bringing in separation and inequality, when in truth we are all equal divine sons of God expressing the same divine essence through our male and female bodies, equally beautiful in both sexes.
“When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact.” Yes and therefore we are a reflection of that tenderness and sensitivity are called to honour the age old expression of ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’. In this case though we have to ask – are we prepared to offer ourselves the level of tenderness and responsibility that we should be offering another?
Our inner most, our soul, is neither male nor female when we express from there the magnitude of who we are is felt.
Amazing how we can have all the evidence of reality not matching up to our ideals and beliefs, yet we cling on to the pictures because we feel safer with them, than without. But pictures keep us locked in to a smaller world, with no expansion, and apparently blind to the truth of how things actually are.
We miss out on so so much when we get caught up in the ideals and beliefs of what men and women are or should be that are set by societies standards. We all seek to live and express the love we innately and equally are. Developing relationships that are founded on honouring the truth of who we are, is how we bring to life the richness of our essence and support each other to evolve and live our true potential.
Everyday comments about how men and women are different which are often said with an undertone are unfortunately common place. It seems society is very happy to use language that stereotypes one’s gender and refer to that – super important we break the chain with this one.
Absolutley Samantha. It is so damaging to both men and women to refer to each other in this way and always good to counter such comments where possible.
Well said Gabriele.
The differences between the sexes have been created by the way we conduct our lives and have nothing to do with our innermost essence and the truth of who we are; the Soul is neither male nor female.
Men and woman are different in what they can represent through their bodies. However the ‘men are from mars’ theory seems like a cop out for us not having the love and understanding for one another needed to appreciate the ‘opposite sex’ and have meaningful relationships.
The Mars and Venus theory and nonsense deepen the chasm and portray something as normal that need not be; it only drives us further apart and serves us naught. It cements and justifies what is already not working and deeply detrimental to our health and wellbeing and the state of the whole planet.
Exactly. It oversimplifies things so that we end up stereo typing each other rather than being open to the wonders we each bring to a relationship that have nothing to do with gender whatsoever. They are qualities that are innate and the building blocks of true love. Appreciating these qualities in each other and openly expressing how we feel with a view to an ever deepening honesty has to be the way to go.
When something is very familiar to us, we tend to be very embedded in it, which often means that we are not able to stand back and view it with fresh eyes. Relationships are a classic example of this, as are our behaviours. The result is that we get stuck in repetitive patterns that prevent us from moving on. But the wonderful thing about true awareness is that it tends to lead to more of the same and so once we start to wake up to what’s going on for us, the process gathers its own momentum.
Alexis I agree with you we are often locked into patterns of behaviours that seem so natural to us that it’s not until someones who is clear of such patterns comes along and exposes them that we get to feel what has been running us in such stuck energy as you describe. Then we have at least a choice to bring ourselves by awareness out of the stuck energy or continue in the energy.
Unfortunately that ‘stuck energy’ applies to 99.9% of how we humans behave on the planet, including all of the celebrated moments. No one would suspect winning a gold medal to be as a result of millions of ‘stuck moments’ bundled together with ‘familiar repetitive patterns but it is. Humanity is on repeat and has been since forever. Sure it looks like we’re progressing because of the technical advances that we’ve made but all that’s really happening is that we’re getting to repeat our ingrained way of living with technology rather than without it. In other words our props and scenery keep changing but the consciousness that we align to doesn’t.
The struggles that happen in relationships are familiar to me, but I am learning to appreciate them as points of learning, opportunities to grow, to understand more about myself and the other person. Relationships therefore are a blessing – in whatever shape or form they may be. Which is gorgeous and takes away this separation between man and woman as being alien to each other, because when there is understanding sought – there is equality too.
Alexis Stewart – I would like to add this to your words about yourself – AND a woman who is deeply inspiring to all, in every word she writes.
“A woman who understands that honesty is the gateway to truth and that truth is the gateway to freedom. A woman who is at last claiming herself in full”.
Stephanie, as a woman who is usually very good with words, I am, at this very moment in time, lost for them!. Other than ‘thank you’, sincerely ‘thank you’.
The alleged differences between men and women are deeply embedded in many of us – I like to think I see everyone as equals but I still find myself on occasions coming out with a derogatory comment about men. I grew up thinking women were weak and I always wanted to be a man, but now I am learning to accept that being a woman is pretty cool and we have so much to offer the world.
If only we lived as though we were from the stars, we would amplify oneness, divinity and wisdom instead of cementing separation. Thank you Alexis for highlighting these horrible lies.
Absolutely Meg, because who needs to even bother trying to make relationships work if you already believe that they can’t!
The way I see it is that the saying, or belief, that “men are from mars and women are from venus” gives us the ultimate excuse to keep getting away with our “gender roles” and so it keeps us perpetuating the same cycle of allowing each other or accepting each other as not being truly loving or truly equal.
Seeing each other as a different species is just another way to keep us separated from each other and for us to not realise and value that we are all the same regardless of gender.
Monica I love how you’ve expressed this ‘and once they’re gone, life is simpler and we can move with a new freedom and grace’ and it really highlights that whilst we continue to ‘take on ways which are simply not us’ our movements will continue to be clonky, shonky false representations of the real thing.
Recently I have attended some all women workshops about empowering women unfortunately they all seems to come from the angle that we are in competition with the men and that we need to prove ourselves, in truth this could not be further from the truth, as women all we simply need to be is ourselves and let everything else there after be taken care of.
Sandra I agree completely that ‘We are led to believe so many things that aren’t absolute truth’ but we have to ask ourselves ‘how willing are we to be lead?’
We are led to believe so many things that aren’t absolute truth, that there comes a point when we have to start discerning for ourselves what is true and what is not. Thank goodness for Serge Benahyon, as here is a man who is able to show us on a very practcial level how this is possible if we choose to align to what we actaully already know exists within us.
Because the deepest part of who we are can never not be who we are, we must all be in on the trick!
“When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact. ‘ how real and beautiful to feel and know and allows the knowing that the myth of men are from mars and women are from venus a real cause of harm and belief systems in the world that simply are not true.
We live in a lie about who we truly are, and use our behaviours to justify that it’s right as if to say we have living proof. But the reality is we are tricked from the start. We are definitely not from this planet the way we think we are but these stories of differences between the sexes are not the truth. Thank you Alexis.
” any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us ”
But even at that, truly there is no difference, no differences exist. Imagine how many other projected ill believes we have.
Men and women are the same and when this is realised the truth of how we get to the same end point, which is love then the sooner sexism will cease, so as you have shared Alexis “our essence, we are the same.”
Great question Hm and one that leads to another question, which is ‘why isn’t saying yes to who we are the same as saying yes to society?’
Society has separated men and women – but a baby boy and baby girl has little difference. So the question is are we growing up saying yes to who we are or yes to society?
I agree Jenny and those ‘beautiful qualities’ that you so truthfully attest to, get completely trampled in the process of squishing ourselves into the mutated versions of men and women that we have currently settled for.
This is just creating more separation and false ‘role modelling’. We have beautiful qualities as men and women that come from the one same source.
By seeing men as ‘men’ and women as ‘women’ we are prevented from understanding that everyone is a potential rabbit warren into God.
Great point, lets see us as equal and potentially then we can see the depth of God within us.
The equality of God is who we all are and so if we’re not able to see each other as equal then there’s no way that we can possibly know God.
Pictures keep us stuck in very narrow bandwidths, they prevent us from ebbing and flowing in the way that the rest of life naturally does.
Pictures corrupt. When men are not only the species that hold power or decision making power, Women are not the gender who only know how to take care of children and stay at home. We are much much more than pictures allow us to be. Without pictures we are free to be ourselves, not perfect but free to express and free to change and deepen to expand.
So the antidote is to run our own lives as much as possible, which means making conscious choices with our body as consistently as we can because the moment that we are not consciously choosing, then something else is choosing for us.
Yes, beliefs are a very powerful and destructive force if we allow them to run our lives.
I remember reading that book two or three times!!!! One thing that stood out the most was the “rubber band effect” whereby they describe men as being in a pattern of getting really close, then freaking out and temporarily running away. The advice was to give them space to come back in their own time. In a way this has some truth to it but my feeling is that it applies to both men and women; as you say, we are equal and the same inside.
We have all been hurt in one way or another and its often that hurt that’s the foundation for a need that could perhaps lead to us starting off eager, only to freak out that we may get hurt like last time and therefore run away. In that instance its up to both men and women to have understanding and provide space for the other to feel what they’re feeling without imposing and needing them to be a certain way. When hurt, that can be challenging and I guess that’s why relationships can be so tricky, because we have let our hurts define us rather than the fantastic-ness we all actually really in fact are!
Any-thing that only contains ‘some truth’ doesn’t come from truth and if it doesn’t come from truth then it is designed to keep us from the truth.
Amazing how a myth or slogan or motto can shape our whole lives around something that’s no even true. It really reminds me of two things:
1. How powerful our words are
2. To be incredibly discerning of what’s true or not
Otherwise we can end up building our whole world on premises that are not even remotely accurate.
and Meg ‘building our whole world on premises that are not even remotely accurate’ is precisely what we’ve done. If we pulled the plug on every single lie that currently exists then the whole illusion that we are currently living under would collapse over night and we would be left with the truth of all things.
No matter what the package, we are all the same in essence regardless of our gender, age, sexuality or nationality. There may be differences in our expressions but in our inner hearts we are all equal.
“So, something to ponder on is how would life be if we lived free of the largely unchallenged myth that ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and simply allowed men and women to be who they naturally are?” This myth seems to be an easy way out for both sexes to not take responsibility in the challenging areas where we are fully capable to do so.
Irena although I agree that ‘ this myth seems to be an easy way out for both sexes to not take responsibility in the challenging areas where we are fully capable to do so’, following the myth does not lead to ‘an easy way’, per se, quite the contrary in fact. Relationships between the sexes for all of us, have become a very poor representation of the united and glorious expression that they can be.
Indeed, we are all the many glorious expressions of God.
We are all one and the same just with different ways of expressing ourselves.
We have all reincarnated numerous times, lived under many circumstances, various nationalities and as both men and women. That is why it is ridiculous to fight and act superior because of one thing or another – and certainly irresponsible to champion such behaviour by ascribing bogus causative factors such as men and women coming from separate planets. We are all in essence the same and we need to return to honouring of this fact.
As I was reading this I had a thought…I love seeing men with babies, I just melt. Then I realised that why is this different to a woman holding a baby? Is it because I don’t see that as often? We have so many pictures of what men and women are like that we can often just convince ourselves that those pictures are true.
Take away the pictures, take away the ideals and take away the beliefs and we are largely left to simply be in our essence.
Deep down under all the layers we are all the same in essence, a quality within that is tender, loving and caring
How can we differ men and women when the innate quality for all is to live the harmony that resides within?
Quite simply because we are living in such an estranged way from the essence of who we all are.
The image of men and women being form a different planet is an image that is false and we only use it to maintain the configuration between man and women that feels comfortable to us and gives us a position in our relationships and into society. Much different from when we would let go of these images. We then are asked to live from our innermost and besides the disturbance that this can bring in the beginning compared to the comfort of the images, we are well on our way back to living closer to the nature of our being than ever before.
What amazes me is just how comfortable we are with discomfort! Most of us not only accept the discomfort and seeming incompatibility between the sexes but we actually expect it. In fact our whole notion of life is being comfortable with our accepted discomfort. We expect work to be a bit of a grind, we all agree that families are painful, we anticipate trouble from our kids, we’re not surprised when things don’t work out and often feel nervous and uncomfortable when they do. We have accepted such a reduced version of life and seem to be completely at ease with it. It’s crazy because we could actually be living Heaven on Earth, not as some airy fairy idea but in a very practical lived way and we shall, it’s only a matter of time and space.
Well if that were the case Andrew then the world would be a very different place.
What if instead of the age old story of the separation of the sexes and that the genders are very different from each other, we understood that in every man and woman there are maleness and femaleness energies or expressions and if both the genders balanced these within their own gender, they would understand and connect with each other in a beautiful divine union
Indeed Brendan, while the image of men are from Mars and women are from Venus brings the idea that the genders have no commonality, letting go of these will open us for the truth that besides the bodily expression men and women have so much more in common and when in union make up the whole.
We are the warp and the weft threads of life.
We are all from the stars – that’s another way to phrase it 🙂
Yes and therefore we each shine equally brightly! The need for individuality and comparison takes us so far away from the Light and Love we naturally are.
Well said Lucy. The truth is we are the collective Light and Love of God, there is no such thing as individuality, it’s simply part of the illusion to keep us at war with our imagined selves. But in truth there is no such thing as ‘self’ there’s only the collective Us. The One melting pot of all that God is, understanding that there is no-thing that he isn’t.
Beliefs have an enormous impact on us, even with, like you’ve said, the evidence right under our nose we stick to what is there in general in society. When we start to respect the truth we feel in our body, beliefs get exposed for what they are and we can choose to not buy into them any longer and see how men and women share the same essence but in a female or male body.
Annelies having just, in the last few weeks managed to escape the stranglehold of a belief that I had to do with what I could and couldn’t eat, I have been reminded yet again of the overpowering effects of beliefs. And yes, the evidence was ‘right under my nose’ that the way that I was eating was not working for me, but I continued on, held tightly in the grip of the belief. Now that I am free of that debilitating belief, I can feel how hemmed in and held down I was by it and also how being caught up in beliefs blinds us to the truth.
Alexis what you say is brilliant when we are held in the grip of an ideal or belief we are completely taken, blind sided by the energy that doesn’t want to be exposed. When we get to a level of awareness and understanding the energy has to loosen its grip and falls away then there is such a feeling of freedom within our bodies that we have at last let go of the contraction that has held sway maybe for many lifetimes.
Mary I get the feeling that there is a part of us that holds onto ideals and beliefs with as much force as ideals and beliefs hold onto us. Ultimately each and every one of us knows deep down the truth of who we all are and so if we know that then equally we must also know that ideals and beliefs are just that – ideals and beliefs, without an ounce of truth in them.
As you described the things your previous boyfriends where interested in I reflected on my own and the many other men who are also on their own path of healing. And that macho man stuff simply isn’t there or it’s dying out. Leaving nothing but a tenderness that asks the same of me.
Unless we fundamentally understand ourselves to be ‘equal members of humanity’ first, then attempting to see others as this, will remain a notion, all be it a very grande one. It is what is known by the body that gets communicated, not what we wish for with our minds.
We take life as proof of the way ‘it is’, if only we flipped this around and lived life from the deep knowing, that we are divine, sons of God, then we would see that there is so much more beauty, to you and to me. Thank you Alexis.
We tend to see life through our hurts and hold back our true expression to avoid further ‘injury’ but when we truly open up to seeing and feeling each other at a deeper level we can experience the delicate and precious and tender essence that lives within everyone.
We only need look to young children and how they interact with other children. No matter their gender, children are generally open to just expressing and feeling from their bodies with each other. There is no stereotyping or biases. This would suggest that it is a natural way of being with others that we know/knew but moved away from for our own reasons.
I’m not convinced that children move away from ‘expressing and feeling from their bodies’ for their ‘own reasons’. I have come to understand that the world is purposefully set up to prise us away from the natural connection that we have with our bodies and this it does in order to disable our inbuilt sat navigation systems, the very things that guide us home.
Indeed there is no natural stereotyping or biases when we see young children’s interaction and this suggests “it is a natural way of being with others that we know/knew but moved away from”. I have witnessed that the more any of us choose to return to and honour our true expression, the less the divide becomes in our relationships.
Far wiser to support everyone to return to the truth of their expression than impose myths to engrain and legitimise disharmony between genders.
Michael, I feel the same can be said of our relationship with ourselves. We are divided and separated from ourselves, which prevents us from ‘recognising the true qualities and virtues that we can bring’.
We use gender as just another way of dividing and separating ourselves instead of recognising the true qualities and virtues that they can bring.
And although I agree that feeling the truth in our own bodies sounds simple, in practice it’s not that easy. The reason being is that life has been purposefully set up to disrupt both our connection to our bodies and our bodies themselves. We are constantly bombarded by distractions that aim to draw us away from our natural connection and these distractions have done such a good job for such a long time, that it now feels unnatural for most people to connect back to their bodies.
We are given so many messages about men and about women that it is hard to discern truth unless we simply feel in our own bodies the essence of everyone we meet because our bodies absolutely know truth.
Discovering who we are is more fascinating than any activity or learned job.
The problem with this being, that when a so called ‘fact’ is backed up by our experiences, not only do we not question it but we then confirm it as being true.
It is so important to challenge the things that we automatically accept as fact when they are not actually true at all.
We have been willing to buy into this lie, as it is somehow easier to accept differences than do the work to open ourselves to the understanding of our natural oneness. It’s easy to have issues with people, especially of the opposite sex. Not so easy to take a look at ourselves and uncover the issues that we hold that get in the way.
Exactly, it’s only by knowing the truth of who we are that we can possibly know the truth of who another is.
I don’t know how many times I have heard men say that they don’t understand women and they are a completely different species but I guess this is a result of us being moulded into the ideals and beliefs of what men and women are instead of us being who we truly are.
Men are beings with a soul, the same as women are. There are differences in every human being, but there is more that is equally the same than is different.
Sure, it’s just that we’ve been conditioned to look for the differences and not the similarities.
Brilliant. Thank you, Jane. Bringing it back to responsibility and the actions that we can take to implement change with ourselves, rather than simply blaming or trying to manipulate and/or control others.
The gender categorisation expounded by this myth that men and women are from different planets is simply another one of our beliefs and created constructs that exacerbate our separation from our true, innate, divine, genderless qualities and each other. Thank you for putting this on the table, Alexis.
In our essence, yes men and women are the same, ‘When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact.’
We’re trying to ‘stop gender inequality’ but have we taken full responsibility for the fact that we introduced this?
Great question Susie and in response I would say that the discrepancy that exists between the two sexes can only exist because of the discrepancy that exists within us all.
When we get to know our own quality of essence we naturally get to know the quality of everyone else too and know we are all the same, gender does not come into it, it is just a different way of expressing those qualities. Simple.
I can relate so well to growing up with seeing that reflection of that all around me. All conversations about the opposite sex, either in fun or in frustration, were based on that very statement, and it was often the go excuse for when things went pear shaped in relationships, because of this apparent difference.
We all have helped to cement this saying into society in one way or another, but now that so many are choosing to feel the truth that we are actually all equal, things are starting to change in relationships which is very beautiful to feel and see.
It is interesting how the categorisation of eachother in to gender groups has been so important, and yet it is one of the main reasons for separation between us too.
The oneness of who we all are is our saving grace in the world and when we return to honouring this the world and all of us will be very different free and loving naturally.
We all know truth equally, there is not one of us alive that does not.
When we are love then there is no desire to be loved.
A superb piece of writing by Alexis that busts the myth wide open, ‘‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ , NOT true. If we can all begin to see the truth as Alexis has then living on this planet as one species may begin to look very different to how life currently is.
Yes, well said, Sally, and this is the future that we can all be activating and aspiring to now. My relationships with myself, men and women have changed dramatically since I came to work with Universal Medicine, understanding and actually embodying more and more, the fact that in essence we are all the same, regardless of gender, religion, nationality etc.
When we understand the truth about reincarnation and know that we have been both men and women many times it blows the myth that somehow we are different out of the water anyway.
It is actually extraordinary that in general we allow men to have the last say based purely on the fact that they are men. Now I understand why the world is as it is with all the atrocities that take place as it is not equally shared between the women and men. Our societies instead have gone astray in only one of the qualities we bring through our genders which of course will be out of balance because of the lack of the female quality as we are made to live in harmony together.
So well said Nico.
Which in turn would support women to not try and emulate the men’s toughness, thinking that it is their toughness that leads to power and success in the world. Instead we would be inspired by the strength and the beauty that we could see and feel in the fragility and tenderness of men.
Appreciating we are all the same in our essence – sensitive, tender beings, and living this truth in our every word to boys and men would shift the outplays of much of an individual’s – and society’s – issues that stem from putting men under pressure to ‘toughen up’.
HM I agree with what you say about stereotyping. We stereotype men into believing that they should be the unemotional bread winners of the family, impervious to pain and when they’re not then we stereotype them into being ‘less than a real man’. Basically we bully them into being who they are not.
Yes it does come across like bullying – it is an abuse on who we really are. And this is a truth to be faced and for us to be honest with how we live that contributes to the stereotypes
Stereotyping who we are keeps us from who we are. This saying is so far from the truth and yet I went along with it until I started to see that it was possible as a man to be delicate and tender.
I have known both of the beliefs well- that the sexes are completely opposite and that they are the same. This blog has made me realise that I haven’t lived the latter and I do so, it’s still a belief. So what would it look and feel like to live in way where the sexes are the same?
Simone what a great question for all of us to explore, from the truth of our bodies, rather than from the beliefs that we hold in our heads.
The differences and divisions we perceive, encourage and accept, be them between the sexes or any manner of separation, have been introduced to man to deviate us far from our truth and the true brotherhood we will otherwise live.
Yes Deborah, we are naturally made to live in brotherhood and that’s why we crave it so much. It is the deviation from the truth we have allowed into our lives that has made the world how it is today. But knowing that we also have a key to reverse on our track and make brotherhood a possibility to live once again.
Love this comment Jane – the book looks to rationalise the status quo and has the effect of making it more concrete. The alternative which Alexis offers is to look deeper, beyond the differences and the hurts and back to an essence that we all share.
Deep down we are all the same, the same essence, same soul, same divine spark from God. To then live a life as a man or a woman does have its different qualities… the sacredness and stillness inherent in a woman, the tenderness and strength of a man. These complement each other with such profound bonding when lived, but as you have noted Alexis, they have been bound and gagged, misrepresented on such a scale that what we think of as Men and Women today is warped into something totally different. Thank you for reminding us to look deeper, see clearer, and encourage us to enjoy each other!
Beautifully expressed Simon, and so clear.
We don’t need any book or anyone to tell us but when we feel we know the absurdity of how women or men are entitled to more or should be treated differently, because of their gender is a big fat lie. How much there is to appreciate when this lie becomes a Livingness in life to drop it and live Truth.
Doug, the whole way that we have set up life is a huge lie.
We do so much harm through not living in unity with one another, parents, adults we have a responsibility to role model another way of being together. We are not enemies, victims etc we need to get past these barriers and look at the truth of every man or woman that we meet.
We are so affected by external comments that if the predominant view in society is that men and women are different then that is what we grow up believing. What is happening now, however is that more and more people are truly seeing each other as equals and there will come a time when that becomes sufficiently high that it tips the scale of opinion. We need to value ourselves and yes, there may be physical differences between each individual let alone male and female, but the more we value each and every one of us, the more we will also feel the absolute equality of us all.
The views expressed often that as men we are like this and as women you are like that have never made much sense to me. Do we not hold onto these separations when we don’t want to know innately we are equal and that we then don’t have to be responsible to live this equality?
Misconceptions about men and women, such as the Mars and Venus myth you describe, only cement the polarisation and estrangement between the two genders; lies and fodder for an eager public do not contribute to the healing that is needed for humanity, all of humanity regardless of gender identification.
Human beings are hungry for beliefs because beliefs keep us at a distance from ourselves, and we are all so ravenouse to not feel the consequences of our choices and to make this failed attempt at life work.
I like the way you describe healing as stripping back the layers of old belief systems and ideals we have carried for lifetimes, certainly our relationships offer great healing because all our ‘stuff’ is constantly being reflected back to us and it is then our choice to use that for healing and change or to resist and further cement our behaviours.
Rabbits aside because they multiply so fast when the conditions are right, when we can get the whole appreciation of who we are then this allows our True evolution without any need to be caught in a trap or virus to distract us from who we are.
Beliefs are the biggest bullies of them all. Their sole purpose is to manhandle us away from the truth with absolutely no regard for our wellbeing. They are thugs of the highest order.
Yes Alexis, bullies they are! I can attest to that and would just add that Beliefs have a great mate called Ideals and together they reek all sorts of misguided havoc if we allow them in and make them comfortable. The true is we invite them in in order to avoid the responsibility we have to stand alone in Truth so we use these ‘thugs’ to hide behind as a form of false protection that is detrimental to our health and wellbeing as the only way we can ever obtain true health is to drop all defences, protections and securities and be ourselves in full
Well said Kathleen.
‘I have a dad who is the most tender of men and a partner who is a naturally gentle and caring man but the belief that men and women are different was so strong that it overrode the evidence that was right under my nose.’ Yes these beliefs are so destructive when they completely ignore the beauty and sensitivity of men who are around us. I used to subscribe to this belief. After seeing how Serge Benhayon is so respectful of women (and men equally) and other men like him, I have admitted a very big ouch: that many men have respected me more than I have respected myself. I can feel this sensitivity in all men – even those who are being aggressive or dismissive of women, because I can see the hurt that is driving their behaviour – which is no excuse, it’s just not who they naturally are.
How far away from our true essence have we come when we look at our physicality and think that is who we are. We are so much more than our physicality.
We are the depth of God in human form and yet we get completely caught up in the charade of looks, so much so that we undergo surgery to make certain parts of ourselves either bigger or smaller. How lost have we allowed ourselves to get?
Agreed Doug and not only do we ‘no longer know who we are’, but we no longer know who others are, when we sum them up with a quick once over with our eyes. We are choosing to completely skim over the top of life and missing the depth of it’s immense beauty.
I was bought a book with a title like this some years ago for Christmas no less; it was full of cliches about men and women and definitely referred to what was different rather than what brought us together. I remember something about a man cave that I agreed with, the book kind of got you to pick sides and rage in supposed humour at the other side…men versus women. In truth we have many qualities that complement one another and we have so much in essence that connects rather than the stuff that keeps us apart. It is very damaging to grow children with the idea that men and women are so different and so against each other.
Agreed Samantha, we do indeed ‘grow children’ into believing that men and women are a very different species. We introduce them into two different channels that exist in pretty much every country in the world. One channel for woman and one channel for men. Pick a country, any country and you will find these channels, identified by housework, work life, attitudes, status within marriage, roles in parenting, differences in power, difference in privileges, the list is literally endless. The kids go into and through the channels and come out as sausage meat.
Michelle wouldn’t it be wonderful to have appreciation for the opposite sex, rather than the all too prevalent confusion, frustration, irritation, annoyance and general malaise that currently exists.
Once we re-connect to the truth of who we all are, then there will be no need to sit down together and work on anything as it will feel so utterly unnatural to discriminate against anyone for any reason at all, that we simply won’t do it.
Energy is always either trying to separate us or unify us and all we need to do is to look at the consequences of how the energy plays out to know which it is.
This destructive force is no different to the belief we are separated by belief, culture, race or geography. Indeed we are in truth not as underneath it all our essence is the same love.
Men and women are living so far from their essence we have both lost our true sense of who we are. Developing a hard protection, withdrawing from life, going out and being aggressive – these are all learned traits of behaviour. Our natural way is deeply tender for both men and women.
The word tender really touches and inspires me these days. It is not so long ago that I would have considered it weak and insipid. Interesting how we dismiss such truly inspiring qualities.
‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus:’ in a nutshell it describes the seemingly irrevocable differences between men and women. Yet what if we are all one and all love and the same and we are a compliment of each other divine in our unique expression of God . This changes everything and brings a real understanding and love to our lives our relationships and all we are. and dispels the myth of our separation and differences.
We are not so different – it is a lie we have fallen for. You only have to unpick the lies we are passing on to see that men are just as awesome as women. We pretend that we are worlds apart and do not understand each other but in fact, it is the ideals and believes that get in the way and has us being cruel to each other.
Julie the word ‘cruel’ really stood out to me, it seems almost inconceivable that so many people can be so cruel to one another but unfortunately that is a pure reflection of the illusion of separation that we have brought into and continued to perpetuate here on Earth.
How do you live with a man who appears to have such different ideas from you? In relationships we often look for the number of things we don’t have in common, looking for the faults rather than the things we can appreciate. As a result we end up judging and criticising each other instead of deepening the love that is always there.
Yes, this myth is rife throughout the world. The thing is, we are not the same either, we are equal energetically but I am discovering the true differences and one being quite inconceivable to some but nevertheless true from my lived experiences. That men are more sensitive than women, that things can hurt them more deeply and that we must take great care in how we deliver things to them if we want to encourage the natural tender nature out.
When I was growing up, I hated the obvious differences between how boys and girls where treated, and then therefor how boys and girls treated each other. There is something deep down that is really not okay and natural about this separation, putting down, keeping apart and segregation that occurs and the inevitable judgements, superiority, suppression, comparison that occurs because of it
This is similar to the twisting of the word feminism – it actually has nothing to do with females/womens rights, the word actually encomapsses the fact of equality for all, both men and women, but it is increasingly becoming a word synonymous with women’s rights only and therefore divides men to feeling that somehow feminism is something seperate from them or not for them, when in fact true equality is for all of us
Once we ‘get our own house in order’ then all we see when we look out at others is ourselves.
What if we were all from Mars or all from Venus, then if that is a possibility we could also be a mixture of both? Then if this is remotely possible maybe it has nothing to do with sex but how we reconnect back to our Sacredness no mater where we come from or who we are at this time in our many life cycles? Would this not empower us all to make life about our essence, sacredness and how we reconnect to that.
Over the past few years I have got to know quite a lot of men, men who know that in their essence they are as tender and vulnerable as women, we all have a greater appreciation and understanding we are all the same with-in. No amount of hard sport or tough personality has ever deleted what and who we truly are, both in men and women.
We may have different genders, abilities and expressions but in essence we are all the same. But do we treat each other with the same respect, decency and love keeping this in mind?
The true purpose of healing is to strip back the layers of that which does not belong to the essence of who we are, uncovering that regardless of the gender, we are all delicate and sensitive beings. Reflecting each other trust that we don’t need to be in protection, to feel safe as living from an open heart is the best medicine there is.
There are no boundaries in the territory of God, because why would you ever want to limit stillness, love, harmony, joy or truth? These qualities are all gloriously infinite.
It really doesn’t matter where we are from. At the moment we are all stuck on the same planet together, and this is something we all have in common! Our job is to figure out how to live together in harmony on this planet. This will unify us rather than focus on our differences.
Yes no arguing there, we are all here for the time being anyway, and this we cannot escape. So while we are passing through why not let love be our guiding purpose.
A horse is a horse, yes? We have Shetland ponies and Clydesdales that are both horses but with different purposes! Are we not the same?
When we live from our essence there is no separation for we both come from and express divine love which is brought through in both the male flavour and female flavour.
This is what we all need to understand that our essence is the same, but our expressions can be many different qualities. We all bring our own sparks.
Understanding comes from the head, knowing comes from the body. It is only from the body that we shall come to remember that our essence is the same.
Anything that separates men and women in this way only feeds misogyny. No understanding of the other sex can come from thinking we are from different planets.
Well said Fiona. Different expressions of equal value and all offering us the opportunity for balance and unity.
When we express from equalness, we promote equalness but when we express from separation then all we promote is more separation. You can’t conjure up something from something that you are not.
I understand that we reincarnate many times and that therefore we have been both men and women many times. How bonkers it is to consider that we are from different planets based on gender and what a set up to have us believing that men and women are always going to be incompatible.
Beliefs set up behaviours that in turn confirm the belief, thereby giving life to something that has been totally fabricated and that exists nowhere other than in our made up reality.
Matilda whilst on the subject of ‘bonkers’, what is totally bonkers is the fact that we have been lead to believe that men and women are incompatible, when the truth is we are actually naturally combined, we are the Oneness of Life. How on earth can something that is intertwined to the point that there is no definition in the mixture also be incompatible? Lies and illusion, smoke and mirrors, that’s how.
Anything that tells us we are different with the intention to further separate us is pure evil.
Agreed Sam, which is why it’s so important for us to continually express the truth and that is that it is not possible for us to ever be separate from one another, it is only possible for us to believe that we are.
There is really a balance to consider – it is helpful to truly look at men and women and to be aware of their differences beyond the physical. That can be very supportive but it is harmful to make up differences that don’t exist.
Our true essence is not gender based as all are equal in essence, it is only we who have created the divide which only serves to separate us and see each other as different, but only because we have taken on what is not us from outside of who we truly are. Give a couple a blindfold and put them together, and all they will feel is each others essence with no pictures to come in and dictate how they interact.
and what we have deliberately chosen.
This myth perpetuates the notion that there is separation between the sexes rather than celebrating the truth that there is a way for us to come together as One whether that be male/female, male/male or female/female, and in the union of this expression are able to be all that we truly are within ourselves, with another and also with the many.
Yes, anything that ignores this possibility of brotherhood is less than ideal.
This is another tool in the illusion to keep us as separated as possible from who we truly are. Like you Alexis there are many people starting to see through this myth and in time we will all be able to see through what has been deliberately laid upon us.
Shirley-Ann ‘force’ is the right word for what the world uses to convince us so successfully that we are different individual beings. These forces come at us constantly in a myriad of ways; we are literally bombarded from birth. It is for each of us to extradite ourselves from these forces so that we can stand together as the one united being that we actually are .
A lot depends on whose eyes you’re looking through. Look through the eyes of the spirit and all you’ll see are differences, look through the eyes of the soul and all you’ll see is God.
Love this Alexis – a great marker for what we have chosen to align to.
When we are young it seems we know love knows no bounds, and part of our education is putting up boundaries. Yes there are some horrible expressions human beings have towards each other which makes us want to protect ourselves, but we are missing out on the boundlessness of love within us if we hold a guard towards the world in our every day life.
“…part of our education is putting up boundaries.” This is so sad. As someone who is still learning how to undo them I know how very harmful and painful boundaries can be.
I am deeply moved again and again when I witness people like Serge Benhayon relate to each person in absolute recognition of the inner divinity within us, and never back down from confirming that this is our true essence only shrouded by a cloak of what is not.
In contrast I find it immensely dishonouring of people to hold anyone in the light of patterns of behaviour that does not represent the depth of love, care, harmony and responsibility that is our true essence. And actually abusive to make up and offer justifications that ingrain us further in such patterns.
Golnaz I have held others ‘in the light of patterns of behaviour that do not represent the depth of love, care, harmony and responsibility that is their true essence’ for most of my life and that is because I have been blinded by the same patterns. It is only now, that I am becoming free of those patterns, that I am able to ‘recognise the inner divinity’ within me and therefore the inner divinity within us all.
Between two men or two women there is a physical difference yet in essence they are the same, this is no different between a man and a woman.
Different packaging for the same product.
It’s pretty much the story of human history you have summed up here Alexis – we live in a way that’s not our true nature then take the horrible consequences as evidence that life for us is too hard. It’s time we started to see life the other way around – not from the behaviours of abuse but the sweet love and care we all know equally inside. Here there is no space for the gender stereotypes you describe.
Funny how we set a precedent and just go with it. The whole ‘man at work, woman in the kitchen’ was mirrored in my home, and in many of my friends – and this seemed to be the norm. But no one ever asked why. Until Universal Medicine presented true equality to me and all of a sudden I saw how people make the choice to play a role rather than to be themselves.
If one pays attention they will notice that there is much to separate us and people, and make us individual. Whether it be sex, colour, creed, nationality, hobbies, interests, sexual orientation, height, weight and so many more. I can’t help but feel that this is deliberate, and deliberate to give us reason to return to the glorious One we came from.
What a beautiful understanding of the oneness of our essence and the simplicity and love this allows in our lives that is so often hidden and not lived due to the ideals beliefs and books like “men are from mars and women are from venus’.
This saying ‘men are from mars, women are from venus’ is something that I used to use to try and help me understand what I found to be incomprehensible behaviours by people, because I learnt that by boxing the different sexes in to categories like this it offered me some form of respite from the confusion and tension, it offered an explanation that would satisfy my troubled mind, of course only until the next time when confusion would reign again. But for that brief moment things made sense and this meant a lot to me and was very comforting. I understand now the greater science that is men and women and what enormous beauty there is to be expressed by each gender, and how it is there – in the beauty – the greatest potential for harmony between us.
Yes it is by honouring the differences in the genders and what each brings as it is to honour everyone for their own uniqueness that harmony can occur.
So true Michelle what is there not to love about tenderness!
Or is it Greg, that our soul reminds us of the eternal unification that we are already and forever part of?
Could it be we all come from the cosmos and whether it is any other planet we have a Soul that unites us all as one who is a living light as a Son of God.
The idea that men come from Mars and women from Venus covers up behaviours that we would otherwise not accept from each other as men and women. And that is exactly what ideals and beliefs do, they cover up and make us blind to what is truly going on. The beautiful thing is that we can stop and start to observe life again at any time and expose the ideals and believes we hold.
Well said Lieke, not only do beliefs ‘cover up behaviours’ but they also set them in motion. The damage that ideals and beliefs do can not be underestimated for a moment.
It sets us up saying that we are inherently different rather than we are all the same, we just have a different body to inhabit and express from this life time. By separating us into 2 different groups we cause a divide. I know for myself growing up when I exhibited feminine, nurturing and loving qualities I was often shot down and told that was ‘gay’ when it was a very natural expression. The more we see and embrace the love we are, the more genderless we become.
‘The more we see and embrace the love we are, the more genderless we become’, indeed, because ultimately we are all returning to the body of God and God herself is genderless.
This is beautiful what you share Alexis, God is genderless and we are returning to God, what a confirmation of truth.
This is gorgeous James – returning to an equal expression of male and female energy.
Alexis, I agree with you here; ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ is perhaps One of the Biggest & Most Damaging Lies in History’, working with young children I can feel how these so called huge differences between men and women are simply not true, boys are just as sweet and tender as girls, this can be seen clearly when children are young, it is how we are conditioned as we grow up that makes men and women seem so different, but on the inside we are the same.
So true Rebecca, and when we meet babies and even toddlers we cannot tell the difference unless the parents have dressed them up in obvious clothes. A baby boy can be just as delicate and tender as the perceived picture of a baby girl, and a baby girl just as boisterous as the perceived picture of a boy. These babies are all the same in essence but grow up in a world of role models made from and exacerbated by beliefs and catch phrases such as the title of the book. It is time for us as a common humanity to begin to let go of the pictures that we feel keep us safe and comfortable but in reality divide us from ourselves, our true essence, and others.
When we focus on the differences between men and women it perpetuates them and leads to separation. We then end up with gender roles which leads to expectations. When they are not met it leads to conflict. We are then so separate that we can’t understand each other and communication difficulties and misunderstanding is commonplace. We are more similar than we are different and perhaps we could shift the focus to that and see how we go. We live in a society where men and women are treated as different species yet it needn’t be this way.
We’ll only be able to ‘shift our focus’ to the similarities that exist between men and women, rather than the differences, once we have brought ourselves into a more cohesive whole. As long as we exist in separation then separation is what we’ll see.
Maybe we need to look to the stars and feel the truth of who we are and feel our connection to the all rather than reduce ourselves as men and women as having different traits and communication styles.
Yes love that, in truth we are genderless.
Connecting to the Universes, stars, planets and all, as one and equal, that eliminates any comparison.
We can make the choices in our days to live free of the gender myths, not in reaction to them or one another, but in the acceptance and enjoyment of each other’s qualities.
“any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us” If this is true, and for me it is, we have also have the key to undo this and return to a state of being in which women and men are appreciated for their specific features they bring from their gender, but mostly for the commonality men and women are in essence.
I agree Nico and that is the key, we have the power and responsibility to undo this notion of separation between the 2 sexes. Sure, by doing it in different physical bodies we express different qualities but ultimately we are all the same regardless and all have the same propensity to love.
We are all love, just slightly different expressions of the same one love but basically love is who we all are.
Beliefs are indeed very destructive and constant force on ourselves. I remember travelling to Australia and wanting to live there because all the beliefs about how I should be I dropped for some reason. I never lived there and have had to look at all the expectations I’ve placed on myself and let them go – including all the gender based ones which are many layered. I have no doubt many more layers and how I live them will come into my awareness.
The beliefs that men and women are so very different are part of the package that stop us from questioning the social conditioning we receive throughout our lives. Stripping this away is an essential part of healing our relationship with ourselves and therefore our ability to have harmony in our relationships.
We need to go back to the truth of our being our true essence then their is no gender but true purpose no matter what gender we are.
I agree, very damaging, to put us against one another, we can very easily get a sense of these two camps within society, stalking around each other, with no trust, resentment, but so wanting to be together. Time we take a fresh look at the state of our relationships and get honest.
We keep shooting ourselves in the foot when we keep making up excuses and theories about the disharmonious patterns which we should instead be honest about. Only by clearly admitting what is not working, will start to unravel what is true, deepen our awareness of our essence and evolve.
How evil it is to encourage a belief that men and women are from different planets. And then to name the planets – it is a complete falsity. If the origin of our species is from the stars then why would we differentiate between gender? It just serves to separate and divide, which is the total opposite of the unity and brotherhood that is possible and needed.
Ultimately the purpose of every belief is exactly that, ‘to separate and divide’.
It’s great to appreciate our differences and what we can bring as men/women, but only with the understanding that at the core we are all one in the same!
beautifully and simply said ????
When we see that we are all the same in essence it takes away both the competition between genders and also the striving to outdo each other. When we truly see we are the same in essence then I am finding there is an equal opportunity to build truly loving relationships with everyone.
‘Truly loving relationships’ are naturally at the heart of all relationships, it’s just that we’ve added foreign constraints to life that mask this immutable fact.
I agree when we understand the truth our essence and that we are the same there is no space for competition. There is only space for deepening a loving relationship.
When we know the truth of our essence then we shall also know that we are all the essence of truth.
Great to call out the separation and division such a book re-inforces… although probably not consciously done by the author. It is a reminder to be very aware of what we offer others in whatever form that may take – is it harming or healing, will it support another’s true evolution or not?
And it was that question Paula , that caused me to put some unwonted CDs in the bin rather than take them to a charity shop. The CDs would not have supported anybody’s evolution so rather than pass them on, I threw them out.
It is interesting to watch children in relation to how boys and girls relate. Up to a certain point it does not matter to either sex how they are with each other, but you can see a point at which they begin to react to each other differently. They don’t want to play together, and this is where it begins. With children begin to express that which they are picking up from the environment around them rather than their own hearts.
If we hadn’t fallen for this age old lie like the countless other lies we have fallen for the world would be a far more balanced and beautiful place.
Do we ‘fall’ for the lies or do we choose them?
I deeply appreciate that through the opportunities to make changes in my own life, inspired by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and associated practitioners I can now relate to both men and women with an equality of being and sharing a far deeper and greater level of who I truly am without what the world has demanded of me.
As I uncover more and more about who I am , I appreciate the same qualities within others also. I once was fearful of men and now through my own healing see just how beautiful and tender men are and also see this within women also. We become a mirror in which all are then reflected back to us and this is hugely important in our exploration of who we are and who we all are showing that we are all universally one.
Living from the myth that men and women are different in their essence is an excuse for irresponsibility and abusive behaviour to continue. Acknowledging, accepting and living from the understanding and knowing that in essence men and women are the same with just a difference in expressing that essence gives a foundation that leads to responsibility, truth and equality.
It’s interesting how we feel we have to read a book to learn about our fellow human beings. Everything we need to know is there for us to feel when we relate with others. We already know.
This image of men as the ultimate decision makers with women sitting passively by their side is very evocative of a time that no longer has a relevance in our modern lives, and yet it can still remain in the minds of many women and men who do not regard themselves as equal – with the meaning of true equality here needing to be explored.
Was there ever a time, when men being the decision-makers and women sitting by the side was ever relevant?
The true value of who we all are and the simplicity of the oneness of God we all come from is so different to the separatism we are brought up to accept and be. An amazing sharing of the truth of who we all are that gives us the permission to understand know and live this lovingly.
So true Alexis about the power of beliefs when we put energy/thought into them and keep them alive and away from ever feeling ours or another’s truth or love.
So true Alexis, I love what you’ve shared. I grew up with parents who were aware of those supposed gender differences and roles and actively sought to break them, not so much between them as my Dad would no more cook a meal for us than my Mum might do some handyman job… but they carried an expectation that we would all go to university and have careers in whatever we chose, and that our capacity to do so was equal. I remember my mother refusing to buy me dolls until I pleaded for so long, I finally got ONE for xmas at about age 7 or 8. It was the only one I ever got, and I can’t recall every wearing the color pink, nor seeing it on me in baby photos either. For a long time l felt slightly uncomfortable about wearing pink, being a bit indoctrinated that it’s a ‘girly, girl’ color…. which is no better really as it was still not offering the opportunity to wear whatever I felt to.
Spot on Ariana, the lie that we are separate from God is the Grandaddy of them all!
Spot on Ariana, the lie that we are separate from God is the Grandaddy of them all!
When we ‘believe’ someone is different to us, that their ‘wiring’ is in another language, we will already have a feeling that they won’t completely understand us and we them. Therefore, it has a very profound affect on how we interact with each other as men and women. We already carry a hurt that the other ‘species’, men/women, won’t ever be able to ‘get’ us. What insidious force would concoct such a divisive ‘belief’ – one that is trying to prevent us from being the love that we are.
Alison, the different ‘wiring’ that you so aptly describe is a great description not only for the differences that we erroneously believe exist between men and women but the differences that we imagine there to be between the young and the old, one country and another, different religions, cultures and so on. ‘Difference’ is seen and experienced as divisive because we are choosing to ignore the non negotiable fact that under all and any of our perceived differences is the sameness of God.
The belief that men and women are so different, not only physically but innately different, is no doubt, in part, what has pushed women to ‘prove’ themselves in what has been considered by many to be a ‘mans world’. Accepting that we are made up of the same divine particles allows us the grace to be all of who we are in whatever we are doing, we do not need to compete, perform, ‘pretzel’ ourselves to be anything other than the love that we are. Then we are living in a way that truly honours who we all are and it’s amazingly beautiful.
It’s understandable that women who have wanted to ‘get on’ in the world have fashioned themselves on men because it is the men that have held pretty much all positions of power worldwide. From political figures to school principles, surgeons and right down through to ‘heads of families’, it is the men that have ‘governed’. And so women have assumed that to be powerful, we have to emulate the men and this has paid a heavy toll on our bodies. Wondrously it is from our bodies that we are now able to re-instate our natural power, a power that comes from our innate exquisite femaleness.
It’s heartbreaking to acknowledge this false belief that we have been fed and believed for so long. It’s no wonder that we have built our walls of protection to hide behind, as we have all been fed divisive lies about how we ‘should’ be in this life. Lies designed to separate us from ourselves and each other, creating false stereotypes which ask us to live in a way that’s completely opposite to who we truly are. Knowing the truth that men and women both share the same essence offers us the opportunity to get rid of these false ideals and beliefs once and for all.
Yes, we have been ‘fed divisive lies’ but we have all greedily and willingly gobbled them up.
A saying like this ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ sets us up to excuse any and all abusive or seperative behaviours as simply something that cannot be helped between men and women
Which suits our dogged determination to avoid responsibility to an absolute tee!
We are very identified by the differences between men and women and foster them as treasures without realising the complexity, struggle, hurt and separation we are choosing to be in through this. It is great to start questioning the stereotypes we have come to take for truth and look at the true nature of both men and women. If we do, we will discover that we have gotten it very wrong and that when we live in our true expression harmony, connection and true love is actually constantly on offer.
We can’t re-unite humanity without first re-uniting men and women and we can’t re-unite men and women without first re-uniting ourselves. We are the starting point for every-thing.
“When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact.” The love and support that society is needing is huge, to come to and appreciate the fact that in essence we are all the same confirms that which I felt as a kid and that which society can step forward with to truly heal what we have in the world.
When ever we put a gender or person in a box we all lose out, the connotations that come from saying men are from Mars Women from Venus are so very limiting and takes us away from the equal magic we all have.
We only have to look up at the night sky and behold the vast firmament, the stars twinkling and communicating, to know that we are all equal and in essence all the same.
Men are certainly physically different: they are usually taller and stronger than the women around them and they have deeper voices. Their physical strength can overpower a woman but so can their tenderness be powerful as in a woman her delicateness and sweetness can have a power that is unlimited.
It is so amazing and liberating when you suddenly realise that a belief that you have believed and lived by is nothing more than a big fat lie.
When we hold ideals and beliefs, we ‘expect’ another to behave in a certain way, there is an unspoken demand put on that person, like saying you are not ok to be as you truly are, society says you are like this to be a ‘true man’ or ‘true woman’. So, we are all trying to live up to impossible expectations that take us away from being the divine beings that we are, the worst part being, what we all crave the most in life is be who we truly are and to feel that loving truth being shared in everyone around us.
‘What these realisations have led me to understand is that any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits.’ – so true, Alexis. The harm that we have inflicted on both sexes by championing false and ridiculous ideals and beliefs is monumental.
these ideals and belifes are really toxic because they can subtly influence us in really major ways
Ideals and beliefs form the very structure of our world. Dissolve them and the truth shall be revealed.
It’s very worth appreciating that men are already exactly what it is in their essence that we think we are looking for. If we stop trying to change them and started connecting more to ourselves we might just bring forth these qualities that are buried under the imposed images of what is thought a man should be.
Sandra I found your comment very interesting as it caused me to reflect on the fact that so many of us as women are looking for qualities in a man that are not actually their true qualities , for example many women are actually looking for strong men, tough men and men that look good, as well as men that have money. So it feels to me that when we, as women are not being who we truly are, then we are not looking for men to be who they truly are.
Beautiful Alexis, beating the myth simply because it takes the truth away of how powerful women and men are and what our essence is truly.. No image. No ideals. Just a simple truth — we are equally tender.. we are Love.
Danna, I agree, the myth as to who we are as men and women reduces us to mere specs of our true selves .
Like detectives in a serial killer drama we are very proficient at examining the evidence. With a fine tooth comb we poor over every thing, and analyse to the last detail. But what if there was some bias at play? What if there was something in us that continually seeks to cover its tracks? What if the key criminal in all this is not the ‘other’ gender, but the aspect of human beings that harms ourselves? If we consider this based on what you present Alexis we would have to realise there is no difference with us, just unique expressions of God. Living any less is the true source of the inequality we believe we see.
It is quite ridiculous to think of men and women as so separate when we consider that in essence we are all the same… love is universal.
“Love is universal” and the universe is love .
Love the truth and reality you bring here Alexis… it brings energetic awareness to what we write and hence bring forth for humanity in all our writings – whether that be in books, online, media, anywhere and everywhere there is this responsibility.
The moment we get to see and meet the true man or woman freed from the impositions it is a revelation of the gorgeousness we are. We all long for knowing each other and living as the true man and woman.
” When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact. ”
This is so true , as we all come from the same source , and it can be easily seen in young children and babies until the imposted beliefs take hold of boy and girl.
We get raised from young on that women are different to men. It feels like something very pure gets a coat on, with a label that represents the way the woman or the man has to be in this world. Throughout the years more coats come on top and after a while, because we only meet people with similar coats, we don´t get the reflection, that we are actually wearing a coat. What a vicious circle to never see through the false behaviours we are tainted with.Fact is, that actually everyone deep down is looking for the essence to be met and to meet in another. Time to let go of all coats that might be still there and offer a mirror for truth and purity.
This is such a great analogy Stefanie… layers and layers of coats till we only see coats, and know nothing else but coats – when in truth we are pure gold within.
Doesn’t this article hit into a popular held bunch of beliefs, beliefs that we continue to hold even though and as is said there is evidence right under our nose that it’s not true. As they say if you do something enough times it becomes a habit, you will do it without even thinking about it. So what if this is true about how we see and treat men and women, do we truly see them for who they are or do we just follow something we have done over and over collectively so now it just looks as though this is how things are? There is certainly enough reflections around to show us that how we currently collectively see men and women is heading in a direction that doesn’t support us at all and yet we are still buying. Articles like this one support to ‘break the mould’ on how we see things and support us to bring clear what is true and for men and women this is a refreshing start.
“What these realisations have led me to understand is that any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits. ” Under the skin we are all the same, regardless of sex, skin colour, race, culture etc.
The ideals and beliefs that we have imposed upon ourselves feel like the ultimate wedge we willingly drive between ourselves and everyone else to ensure we live in separation!
The ultimate wedge is the one that we have driven between us and ourselves .
I was totally bought into the Men are from Mars ideals, reading the book, listening to the tapes, and even meeting the author in presentations. The key for me is that the ideals I bought into from the book firstly did not enhance my relationships, nor offer me or my partner a deeper understanding of each other, but on the contrary confirmed we would never understand each other. Secondly the book offered a path away from true understanding of relationships which is they are based on the heart, and not on gender, colour of skin or any other divider of people.
‘How destructive a force must beliefs be that they have the power to do this?’ They along with ideals underpin everything that keep us held away from realising the truth.
Yes and lies create division amongst us.
Great conversation. Yes in essence we are equal and it is a falsity to believe that men and women are ‘from different planets’. The male and femaleness lives within the one body of God and when this expression is unified within, we will be unified in our true purpose.
The more I get to understand the ways girls and boys have been taught to be the women and men that they become, the more I feel enabled to see through the entanglements and miscommunication and sometimes I manage to undo the complication and experience the beautiful moment of simplicity and true encounter that is actually the natural way of being with each other.
That is a real gift indeed, to relate to one another with a simplicity and openness that invites the reconnection to and expression of our true essence.
As a young woman in the sixties I found it very difficult to cope with the apparent differences in the status of men and women. I didn’t want to sit and only talk about babies and cooking – I was passionate about what was taking place in the world and wanted to understand how we all ‘ticked’, and the consequence of this was that I became hard and abused my body to carry through this belief. Since finding Universal Medicine I realise that we don’t have to be hard to live in the world – that in fact as I become more tender and loving I also feel within a power and a substance. It is also very beautiful to see the men around me coming back to their tenderness – to be able to be sensitive and we can all then appreciate that in our essence we are all the same.
Yes Susan. We are all very loving, sensitive, caring and wise beings in essence. Both men and women have had their share of pressure in terms of expectations, ideals, beliefs and hurts. Both could do with open, supportive and loving conversations as we find here, to start healing the impact of such impositions, and as you have been starting to return to the truth of our expression.
When we are connected to the truth of who we are, impositions are not impositions. Impositions are only impositions when we are choosing not to be who we are in truth.
A beautiful reality brought to the book that has had such an impact on us that has hidden even more the falseness of the differences between men and women on an emotional scale when in essence we are all the same tender sensitive beings and the appreciation of this is a very needed commodity to be lived.
A woman connected to who she is, and a man connected to who he is.. are both genders connecting to the very one same place and source [that is their heart] irrespective of any perceived (or real) planet.
It is true that society has created marked differences between men and women, when in fact our essence is exactly the same. It is interesting as I have seen men behave more tenderly and gently than I do, and in that, I get a pretty real reflection of where I am at in relation to my tenderness, so by putting a label on men and women, we are saying we don’t want to take responsibility for how we naturally are.
Whilst it is important to cherish and appreciate what we bring in our different expressions as men and women it is even more important to behold the absoluteness of our essence which is the same.
There are so many lies which are told of both men and women, as if combating against each other and causing a belief that we are very different and therefore less, depending on which side of the fence you are standing. Often we hear and have conversations where we are putting the men or women down in our lives, and this, unfortunately, is considered normal and acceptable.
When we look at Men and Women we see that each is different in expression but unified in essence. We can see that each can compliment and support the other by the virtue of their own divine qualities.
Exactly, putting away all this gender stuff and meeting in this quality is true support and instant oneness, with no imposition or demand or pictures.
No theory that justifies disharmony and lack of honouring of one another can ever be true.
Well said Golnaz!
When any part of us that is not love comes between us and our interactions with another, we don’t get to fully be with the other or appreciate that with the false stuff taken away, we are all extraordinary human beings.
Our societies will make a huge shift when we realise that inside, men and women feel the same things, hurt in the same way, love in the same way and want to express all our tenderness in the same way. When this is felt it will enable us to drop the competition and appreciate the unique qualities within us that when integrated produce true intelligence and an unerring harmony.
I feel blessed to have had a big brother who always looked after me as a little girl, and was tender from day one. But it is only now that I am starting to feel my own preciousness that I can truly appreciate how exquisitely sweet and caring boys and men can also be.
I remember reading this book and thinking it was such a load of rubbish and contributed to widening the perceived gap that there is a difference between men and women. To me we are underneath the skin the same we are all extremely sensitive and if any evidence is needed to support this, just look at little boys and girls and observe how tender and delicate they are. We then as a society impose our demands and these sensitive children grow up to be hardened and tough which is a false way of living and very damaging to the body.
Is the championing of the difference between the sexes one of the biggest illusions to drive a wedge between us all?
The illusion of all illusions is the one that says that we are separate from God.
From the day we are born the sexes are treated so differently, so how are we expected to embrace all that is true for all of us? I would love to see how different we would still be if we were to be treated exactly the same from birth and all allowed to be what we feel without being imposed upon. We would then realise a lot of us are for Mars and a lot of us are from Venus but back then gender didn’t come into it at all.
Kev, in mentioning ‘that from the day we are born the sexes are treated so differently,’ you caused me to reflect on the abhorrent fact that female infanticide (the deliberate killing of female babies) is still a widespread practice in many parts of the world.
Shocking but true, how far we are removed from the true purpose of our lives and our intended incarnation. It really exposes as you present how damaging these lies of separation are when we continue to feed them, and the responsibility we all have in speaking the truth.
The Chinese one-child restriction that started in the 70s is a prime example; it has caused the ratio of men to women to become dangerously high, because of female infanticide.
If women honoured and lived the divinity that they innately are, men would feel more able to surrender and be held by the women as the tender men they innately are.
Its crazy this book is a best seller, millions of people brought into the lie that we are different.
Not so crazy when you consider that most of us are actively perpetuating the lie with our every breath. The lie is of such unfathomable magnitude that it needs pretty much all of us to work around the clock to sustain it. But there is now a crack in the lie, all be it a teeny tiny crack, there is a crack none the less. And that crack is the crack made by those of us who are now living from truth and that crack will continue to deepen until one day it actually threatens the structure of the lie, so much so, that the lie will start to shatter and lo and behold the truth will be revealed in all it’s original glory.
This is so awesome to read Alexis… your ponderings are so very inspiring. This really does expose the division created by beliefs, and specifically the belief men and women are different – a way to further separate each other, to increase the gap between the sexes so to speak… but so not true!
Both men and women struggle with the ideals and beliefs around their gender which creates (and are there to sustain) the inequality between the two which affect us all on many levels. What you say is true when we strip away the layers that we have put on top of who we are, you get to our essence, the same for all.
We get labelled with qualities that are not true, for example, women get labelled as emotional, men get labelled as hard, and we tend to act out those labels saying ‘that’s me’ but we equally feel feelings and are naturally sensitive so when we do that we are living a lie.
Labels also act like false ceilings. If we believe as the women that we are emotional by nature then when we are emotional, we just accept that this is the way that we are. The same with men, when they’re finding it hard to communicate or share their feelings, then they can also buy into the belief that it is simply who they are and are inclined to make less effort to change .
I have never given the phrase, Men are from Mars, Women from Venus much thought but now that I read your blog I can see how something so simple as a phrase can have such a big impact on society with so many people believing it when like you say, it is totally not the case.
I always find it amusing that men could not do what they do without the women doing what they do and yet it’s still been the norm to hold a woman less. It’s been a very clever ploy to hold back the true power in this world- femaleness. When I say this I mean in both males and female.
Thank you Alexis, great blog. Your blog got me to stop and ponder on whether I have taken on this myth about men and women being fundamentally different. I never read the book ever though it was the type of book I would normally have read at the time it was published. Something about it did not feel true to my experience of men and women. As a young nurse I very quickly worked out that people were just people, regardless of gender, when it came to being ill. What I can now see is that I have bought into the myth by not choosing to speak out enough about the ridiculous roles that we attribute to men and women, for example, that men should be tough and strong and not cry and that women deserved to be paid less than men even though they are doing the same job.
And as a nurse Elizabeth, you would be very aware that for a very long time it is the men that have held the senior positions of power within the medical professions and that it is the women who have made up the majority of the nursing staff.
Yes, Elizabeth. I too have found that people are just people in the counselling room, that men are just as sensitive and know love as well as women do.
The at times seemingly irreconcilable differences between women and men, the difficulties to talk the same language and the endless misinterpretations and misunderstandings could make one believe in such a tale as both genders coming from different planets. But that would be very ignorant of the real cause and purpose we are here to learn, heal and master. Starting with honouring each gender as being just the same in delicateness, tenderness, intelligence, wisdom… as we can see in young children exposes that the differences and conflicts are not innate but learned, ie imposed upon us from outside. The moment we relate to the inner nature of every person as being of the same quality and potential the differences of the body and thus the specific qualities and expressions are no longer separating but complementing us.
What you show here clearly is that we make ourselves into that what we think we have to be , so we are the product of the societal norms that too have been created by ourselves through our living ways. There is lots to be undone and the simplest way is to start step by step to listen to what we deep down know to be true and live by it.
Throughout my life I have come across many instances that have been put across as if we have no impact, say or recourse in the outcome.
Often this is put forward to explain and justify a pattern and suggests that we might as well not bother to even think about it. e.g. we have put a lot down to our genes (although this is shown to be erroneous through epigenetics studies of identical-twins), we have blamed skin cancer on the Sun (although many people living in very sunny climates are not riddled by skin cancer), we excuse the fact that many women experience PMS and pains during the monthly cycle as one of those things you get because of the cycle (although many women have found a change of life choices has alleviated these).
The promotion of such ideas and beliefs promotes us giving up our power and resigning ourself to the situation. In short it breeds a lack of responsibility.
It is great to be discussing how true the belief is that men and women are wired completely different. These kinds of beliefs seem to me to create a barrier and separation between us. I also know that we are all the same in essence and focussing on this rather than the apparent differences will bring us together.
We have a great many ideals and beliefs to break down between our gender differences, a process that is made a whole lot easier when we connect to essence first and confirm our commonalities, which then enable us to appreciate the nuances that each gender contains and expresses.
It all comes back to the Truth Within, no longer does it work to look outside ourselves because our society is becoming very, very sick and we need to recognise that we are all essentially equal and we need to appreciate each other, working together in Brotherhood not separation. Confidence comes from appreciating within, not from comparison with what is outside of us.
When the book came out I was still quite young, but the idea of men being from Mars and women being from Venus did not make sense to me. I could not feel the vast differences being attributed to the genders, because even then I knew that we were all the same inside.
What is funny is that I never read the book but I did know about it and have a general idea of what the book was about. When I was younger it didn’t seem to matter who was who, it was always just someone to play with. As I grew the distinction grew stronger and stronger until you moved yourself into line with how everyone else was doing something and yet it didn’t make sense in a lot of ways but you would still do it? It was like there was a stronger need for me to be a part of the world because that’s what you did, rather then hold onto what it was like when you were younger. As has been the case with many things, when you are asked to stop and truly look at them you almost shake your head and wonder how it gets to where it has and then you see it. Collectively if we all are doing the same thing then this is what is adopted as a ‘norm’ and then it becomes life and yet we don’t put it through a quality test, only a quantity test. When you apply a quality test to many of the so called norms of today they don’t stack up and the gender one sits in that category.
An invitation and opportunity for all men to live with true tenderness and for all women to appreciate the power and strength of their preciousness.
It does seem that there are forces at play that go to every possible length to keep us as separated as possible by any means possible and this book is no exception, trying to cement the conclusion that we are so different and we should just accept it instead of feeling the truth that our essences are all the same.
Accepting how much the same we are and that in essence we are one, supports us to enjoy our unique expressions of this one essence without comparison or competition; we are inextricably connected, not the opposite.
Expressing from our Oneness is what we’re all on our way back to.
I used to love that much used quote, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’, because it gave me every excuse to have struggles in my relationships and issues with men. It also gave me the excuse not to live what I felt inside, that in essence we are all the same; the evidence for which was’ right under my nose’, but was the opposite to what we have set up in life and would have required some speaking up on my part, exposing the off-tracked-ness we have chosen.
This is so true – we are kept from the possibility of truly working together by these beliefs that we are somehow irrevocably different.
‘When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact.’ Growing up I hung out with lots of boys and our relationships felt really simple. When I read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ I felt sad as it seemed that we couldn’t know one another without complication of learning a new language on how to communicate rather than communicate naturally and with ease. Part of this extra communication that I brought into the equation was interpreting if there were any signs of attraction because that was how I felt validated as a women: being seen as attractive. This is such a barrier to the natural communication and intimacy that can exist between men and women without anything more being read into it.
Karin, I have put a very misguided and lopsided amount of emphasis on the possible attraction between men and women being the most significant thing in the relationship and in so doing have, for most of my life, reduced the potential in any relationship to almost nothing.
I am not sure that the book is one of the most damaging books. It may be wrong but it puts out the message that people can be understood if you work on it and that seems quite a supportive message.
How could you separate men and women more, than telling a tale that we are from two completely different planets?
Thank you Alexis, I always enjoy your writing and have some laugh out loud moments. You’re honesty and the way you express is simply gorgeous. The differences between men and women are an absolute lie, it’s a charade we are taught to live in the absence of a connection to our true essence. And this false perception comes a lot from focusing on what we do. When we truly connect to one another via our essence, and focus on who we are and not what we do, the equalness and similarities are beautiful.
and it is that one lie Ariana, (that we are separate from God), that gives birth to all other lies.
My inclination is to eradicate all beliefs entirely, as they serve no purpose whatsoever other than to distort the truth.
The popularity of the book shows that how we’re looking for answers by observing behaviours outside and not look within. Men or women, expressing in our true essence do not have gender. This is something confirmed by Universal Medicine and teachings of Serge Benhayon. We’re all from within, neither Mars nor Venus! Thank you for sharing!
I find it interesting that we so often focus on what separates men and women however fundamentally underneath this the same thing separates us from ourselves.
Yes, we live in separate ways but underneath we are the same. Once we understand that our perspective is much broader and the differences become less important.
I love your sharing Alison – appreciation makes such a difference, and if we start with our selves first then it naturally flows over to others too and we can see them in their true light instead of what we chose to see before …
Hear hear – bringing it straight back to self-responsibility – exactly where it belongs.
Well said Fiona I fully agree. Living in connection with our selves first can only further and support that in another and when one comes together with the other, it can only be with the respect for the tenderness we all are equally so.
I love your blog Alexis, it is a great sharing for all that read it and opens the door to many conversations, thank you.
“Growing up in the 70’s in England, the differences between what the two sexes actually did was stark.” Yes no different anywhere else I would imagine, in Germany it would be the same. Maybe also one thing to remember is that we are still the post war generations and the women were at home while the men had to stuck it out at the front etc – and I guess they were expected to be hard and tough and not show their utter dismay and horror at what was asked of them and what they witnessed. So little was done to help these guys and mostly it was dealt with alcohol etc, and hence the next generation got the teaching that one had to be tough and so on and so forth. Time for change indeed, and it is absolutely awesome that these days and especially through the teachings of Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, there are ways and support for men to be fully supported in claiming their beautiful tender and gentle essence in full.
It is very inspiring to meet, get to know and walk alongside men who are living with their tenderness, sensitivity, openness and innate respect and care for women, knowing these to be strengths… and what it invites in me in terms of bringing my natural qualities as a woman to the fore… mutual qualities that we all express in unique ways but that ultimately offer us a return to the unity we are truly from.
All beliefs are purposefully set up to keep us from feeling our unity.
So, something to ponder on is how would life be if we lived free of the largely unchallenged myth that ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and simply allowed men and women to be who they naturally are?” – Our world as we know it would change as the interaction between all of humanity would be through tender and loving essence we all hold within and living this in full expression, things like war and violence will no longer have a place on this world…
What a comparison Alexis – “What these realisations have led me to understand is that any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits. ” And you couldn’t have said it any clearer, as this paints quite a ‘picture’ ….
This is the epitome of healing: “When healing is true, then the false layers get stripped back and removed for good.” It is exactly so as I can also support this statement through my own experiences, because many of my issues have been healed over the last few decades and never have risen their faces again. In some the removal was so very obvious and instant – at times that left me astounded. These days, with my deeper understanding of our issues, the underlying causes, and the many layers that are to be unravelled, combined with acceptance of and full commitment to self-responsibility, true healing can and does occur instantly for people; no ‘healer’ ever has done the true healing so to speak but provided the space for it to occur naturally within ones self.
I love pulling out quotes from amazing blogs like this one and exploring deeper. My understanding of healing has deepened hugely since working with Universal Medicine and has come to be an ongoing unfolding that leads us beyond any physical symptoms to the patterns and choices that have led to imbalance in our lives; a forever relationship with life that takes us way beyond the alleviation of physical disease.
Yes, its like we just keep adding another belief to our pile, a pile that is smothering us and not letting us sense the truth and wisdom that is lying already within us and waiting to be connected to and lived.
When the science of reincarnation is able to be somehow proved to those who don’t feel it to be true, we will then all know we have been both man and woman over many life times proving the physical body is merely just that, physical.
Indeed Kev, our physical body is a carriage for the divine .
Believing that men and women are different is pronounced everywhere in society – which starts form a baby’s first days – in wearing certain colours for boys and others for girls. This gets perpetuated at home and more so in schools. Yet deep beneath our outward appearances we are all the same inside – tender, sensitive and loving souls.
Seeing that we are all equal from the essence that we each hold is a truly beautiful way to live. Thank you Alexis for this great and powerful writing.
There was also a fleeting moment in my life where I thought I would never be able to have a successful relationship with a man, but I did feel compelled to keep trying, and I did, but I would say after all of these years more of the true qualities of my husband are being revealed to me, of which I would never have attributed to a man. Things like tenderness, sensitivity, gentleness, generous and kind, loving, extremely playful – the list goes on. This I can attribute to him getting to know himself instead of what society says he should be and the appreciation we have for each other makes space for more true expression to emerge.
What I’m recently experiencing is the joy of sharing with men knowing (because I feel it) that we are the same, of course not physically, but yes in our quality. We all have been influenced by many external gender pictures, and maybe from our hurts we have developed some similar patterns, whether we as men or women. But when we go deeper and let our essence be seen and shared, the differences are really minimal, and we can find true equalness between us.
It’s so interesting, I bought this book, it sat on my shelves for years and I never read it, and a few years ago I just threw it away. Something just made me feel something is not true before my true understanding and connection that men and women are equal, they share the same qualities and tenderness.
I never read this book either, although I was very aware of its existence. It’s true, the title just didn’t make sense, and seemed to complicate things beyond what was needed. It seemed to create a problem. I was never drawn to read it.
Today working at the check out I noticed how many men are actually much more tender with themselves than the women are. We are always saying men are though and rough but women can be worse at times and not see the tenderness in men because as you said the belief is so strong but also because if men get tender where do the women have to go to, and what is the potential of love in the relationships we have? Massive! Maybe a tiny bit scary so we keep up the games but it is not worth it.
We have to ask ourselves why is it that we want to perpetuate these myths, when in truth we know we are all equal.
When we are connected we feel that the sensitivities that we share far outweigh any differences we may have.
It is crazy to think we have fallen for a myth such as this, but when we look back at history on a temporal level there is much to back it up. It is beautiful to know that this is not the case and the choice is ours not to run with it any more.
We try to separate the sexes with all of these pictures and ‘should’s, when actually we share so many qualities and we can all love the same.
What a disservice we do each other when we focus on gender and ignore the Being within, and then write books that cement the differences. When we learn to connect to and appreciate the essence of each other, we resurrect our genuinely complementary qualities and restore harmony to the world once more, as we each learn to express our deeply loving qualities appropriate to our gender, not in conflict with it.
Brilliantly said Ariana.
As I strip back the layers that are not true there has to be a knock on effect on those around me whether they are men or women. I begin to get to see the ‘real’ me and the what is true in another, that men and women are equal on the inside, no difference between us and this is a fact to embrace and live bringing men and women closer together and living the truth of who we are.
Beautiful, Alexis. Connecting to one other in our soulful essence gets rid of any notion of separation or difference.
These beliefs that are portrayed throughout society are so damaging to us all in perpetuating gender stereotypes, All many living anything other than the deep sensitivity and tenderness that they truly are, are also deeply hurt by the choices they have made to not be this in reaction to a world which rejected their true nature.
“So, something to ponder on is how would life be if we lived free of the largely unchallenged myth that ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and simply allowed men and women to be who they naturally are?” – agree.. and a planet or star in the cosmos would not differentiate from another planet or star in its majesty, so why would we as human beings reduce it to create a separation from what we can see clearly up there in the sky shining so very beautifully is part of the ultimate ‘one’.
It’s not just what is written on gender in self-help books, but the whole way we have of thinking who we are, as women and men is a huge deception that has smashed human kind through all our history. At moments we have come close to glimpsing and realising the knowing that we are not animals or the physical humans we think ourselves to be – but sparks of light all from the same source, multi dimensional beings designed to walk the earth and reimprint it with love, to spread our wings and go to the next star along, to heal and no longer require physical form, to live the love we are from. You don’t see this in any ‘life for dummies’ book but it’s what Universal Medicine and Serge Behayon consistently present and it feels true and makes complete sense to me. Thank you Alexis for seeing through these gender lies to encompass our original beauty.
The only true difference between males and females is the way we express our gender, in essence we are the same spark of light and sacredness.
Beautiful Harrison you have put it so simply ‘in essence we are the same spark of light and sacredness’.
Oh this is such a lovely way to describe all of us – “… in essence we are the same spark of light and sacredness.” I am deeply moved …
Love can dissolve all ideals and beliefs. There is no need to and in fact we cannot strip anyone’s ideals that we have chosen to believe, but when we express from love and as the loving beings that we are, and that we all are, then this “essence” so to speak will touch another because we all have them. Women do not need to and cannot change the ideas of men that we are equal to them by action, but when we simply be ourselves not holding back and not pushing, then men simply feel a respect to us, which in truth they are also feeling the respect to themselves.
It feels to me that buying into the idea that ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ fosters a sense of contracting into those games that are played between men and women of “You just don’t understand me” or “Why aren’t you getting what I’m saying?…We are worlds apart ” (pun intended). This is a way to shrug the responsibility we have in relationships to take the time and energy to really connect with people and honour them deeply instead and its a way of staying with these antics of blaming the opposite sex as if they are aliens or something, when in truth we are more like two sides of the same coin.
Such great insight Michael.
Very true Michael. Such stories justify and engrain the various gender games played, and excuse us from the care required in observing, assessing the harm and doing something about it.
Spot on Michael -and these games just further the separation. I like it how you describe men and women are just two sides of the same coin – it brings it home clearly that a coin is a coin, and essence is essence and there is no difference, and everything else is just like you say, shifting responsibility and creating hurtful games that serve no one.
It seems that we have used criticism of each other to make ourselves feel more confident, and when we can appreciate each other as equals we can let go of competition and comparison and allow space for the natural harmony that is always there.
Beliefs are hugely powerful in the moulding of our lives, most of what we see in the outside world is run by beliefs, which has nothing to do with who we truly are, but to our detriment we believe this is who we are. Our healing process is lifting off these layers one by one so that our real true essence can be revealed.
When we open up to the fact of reincarnation we realise then that we have been both men and women throughout our many, many lives. This removes the mystique and separation between the sexes for we understand that we are all the same in our essence and that we simply express different qualities depending on which gender we have incarnated into. Our Soul is genderless.
It is very inspiring to look beyond this realm of life and understand the cycle of reincarnation… it inspires me to see our similarities and togetherness, rather than our differences.
John Gray’s book flew off the bookshelves left right and centre, there was clearly a demand for a story that supported what we wanted confirmed; that we are different, that we have to work at understanding these differences. Yet the truth is we are, and always will be, the same in essence – and can understand and relate to one another from this unifying understanding.
Our essence never changes and this is what we truly need to understand, doesn’t matter how we look, what gender we have our essence is there, all loving and tender.
This is a great blog Alexis, one that I feel all men and women would be well advised to read! You have opened up my eyes and I am sure many others will feel the same. It has never made sense that we all come from the same species yet we’re as alike as chalk and cheese! How could this be. Serge Benhayon’s presentations of the Ageless Wisdom helps us see the truth.
Alexis, I agree; ‘any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits.’ introducing toughness and hardness to tender boys is pure poison.
I remember reading this book in 1992 and being so depressed and a little confused as inside I’d felt men and women, in their essence were no different, I didn’t, as a woman have to relate to a man as if he were from another plant. I so appreciate meeting men and women who have begun healing themselves and letting go of the false layers through Universal Medicine presentation as these men and women have restored my trust as to what we are all about. I don’t assume it’s natural for women to inflict jealousy on each other or men to only relate to women from sexual energy. And because I have experienced loving relationships between the two genders outside of any intimate relationship I now see how this is possible and often happens with anyone I meet.
It is always damaging and belittling to put anyone in a pigeon hole. We are all immensely aware, sensitive, loving and multi-dimensional beings, who at times have chosen to act out of character to our true essence. To give justification to these wayward adopted traits and treat them as conditions out of our control with whatever outlandish story whether it is this Mars & Venus story and other claims is simply irresponsible and damaging.
The book was a huge best-seller which (excuse me for stating the obvious) means that millions of people bought it. Why? Is it possible that it is far less challenging to align to the belief that men and women are irreconcilably different, rather than having the honesty and fragility to open ourselves up to the divine essence of each sex which we all carry and all need to support our full evolution?
The distance between Venus and Mars is 74,402,987 miles and yet I feel the essence of a man and a woman inside my own body; the ‘distance’ between them is zero miles – fact.
Awesome fact! Puts it right on the spot and shows clearly there is no difference in our essence.
It is such a damaging belief, it gives permission for the lack of understanding and the acceptance and justification of a myth that we are so different when we are not! Your blog has struck so many chords with me and how I saw the world, what a waste all that time feeling less and resentful has been.
It is interesting how the grandness and the truth of the universe with all it’s stars and suns is bastardized by the title of this book.
Beliefs of any kind leave us feeling empty and disconnected so the idea is to live in the world, devoid of beliefs/ideals and simply allow ourselves to observe life and then respond accordingly.
Thank you Alexis for this awesome blog. Like you I bought into the whole story that men and women are fundamentally different and that we could only at best sort of tolerate each other. As you say this is such a lie because when a man drops his guard he is absolutely no different to a woman who has dropped her guard and who is just prepared to be herself.
We are fed ideals and beliefs by our parents, teachers and friends. We are also fed lies in books, magazines, papers and TV. How can we possibly discern what is truth? By feeling within – we have had lives as both a man and as a woman, so deep within is our true understanding of each other.
Like lifting the lid on a pressure cooker we would let all the hot air out and expand instead of being all bottled up!
Great analogy Greg – that is exactly what it is – a lot of ‘hot air’ 🙂 How awesome when that can blow so true expansion for all can take place.
The moment we believe we are different because we are a man or a woman, we have already lost our ability to truly connect and be with another.
What if there were no women or men when we came from either Mars or Venus so then our gender specific role would role out the door and this would truly create a new paradigm?
The greatest divide that we have set up, is within ourselves. We then take our segmented parts into relationships with other segmented parts and wonder why most relationships are fragmented.
You are hear exposing a very deeply held belief that permeates everything – that there are insurmountable differences between men and woman. Do men and women who are different by equal qualities can not only get along in harmony but actually support each other to deepen and grow? Yes, absolutely but what we are fed is the idea that the differences been men and woman cannot be overcome and leave them separate and apart in so many ways
Thank you for exposing this Alexis, the men are from Mars women from Venus mentality is super destructive and one of the reasons we still have much disparity. Deep down we know we are all the same all capable of a deep level of love and care yet this is not what society instils in us.
I cannot agree more, if I had any doubts that men are somehow different from women on the inside, my now husband has laid that to rest. My husband is sensitive beyond belief, an amazing home keeper and cook, incredibly nurturing with our children and is totally manly and strong! He is a woman and a man combined, as I am a man and a woman combined. Sure, he is stronger and better at some things but not the typical things that you might think. We are keeping the gender war alive by entertaining the false concept that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
I feel that this war of the sexes goes back many, many lifetimes. I have read so many articles where women have been subjugated especially because women have a monthly bleed and men don’t. And rather than deeply honouring a woman and supporting her at this time for the gift that she brings, they are cast out from society and seen as unclean by many religions in many different countries. How barbaric is that?
If we, as women truly knew from our own lived experiences that our monthly cycles brought true gifts then it would be so much harder for men to subjugate us.
Another great blog Alexis, although we have moved on greatly from the 70’s we still do have a long way to go in us all discovering that our essence is exactly the same, I often wondered why women could be still attracted to men that were so far from gentleness and in true chauvinistic form. Like many things in life we are set up in beliefs that we are so different only to keep us separated and at odds, get this out of the way and harmony on this planet is that much closer.
Great exposé of this myth that has created so much separation and so ironic that, as you say Alexis, we ourselves created.
This is such an important belief to dismantle. We place many false ideals on both men and women that deny our true qualities and hence make the world a poorer place. When we allow men to express their tenderness and women to express our grace, the space between us is enriched with a loving wisdom that unites and honours everyone equally.
Eventually all beliefs must be dismantled, if we are to return to the truth.
I agree beliefs and ideals have a lot of power if we see them as truth because now we have many problems in relationships because we belief that that is how it is because men and women are so different. This creates separation in relationships and is a barrier to true intimacy with each other. Good to remember is that this is not inevitable and we can choose differently.
It is interesting to recognise that when in 1992, John Gray’s book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ was published, the common belief in people was already like that and that this publication was just another confirmation of the ‘fact’ that men and women are completely different, keeping this false belief in creation and alive.
Even if I never have read the book, I knew the title of it and when there were difficulties with men or my husband the excuse creeped in this is because we are from different planets instead of looking deep into the fact that from our divinity we are one and we are equal with different expressions concerning our bodies. The difficulties come from not accepting our wholeness, awesomeness and love.
One of the key ways to deal with gender issues is to simply notice how sensitive men are. It gives a different perspective.
We tolerate so many lies and pictures that promote separation in our global society. Culture and nationality themselves are used to separate us into compartments of humanity when we are actually all one in the same.
The more we accept that energy (thoughts, beliefs, ideals) are powerful forces the sooner we can deconstruct them, and the healthier our relationship with everything becomes.
Why is it we make these book so popular? Is it because we can then excuse certain behaviours or do not have to feel the truth? So very much has been bastardised in this world.
If when we meet another we could just be like we are meeting them for the first time and don’t take anything with us other than our amazing selves, we would get to feel and know each others true selves, and in that, allow the connection to unfold naturally where love leads.
This is beautiful Julie, and when we do just that without any expectations on how it has to be or how it has to look – like you say love can flow.
Alexis, I relate to your experience (both growing up and in healing) completely! and I too found the realisation that we are indeed all equal in essence profound. When I was 5 many of my little friends were boys and I just didn’t see them as any different, actually I really saw the tenderness, love & care that they equally were to me and as we grew I was saddened to see their essence get buried beneath the layers of beliefs around ‘what boys should be like’. Currently I am raising a 15 month old boy and together with my gorgeous male partner, we are consistently in awe of the purity & cuteness that he simply just radiates in essence. Growing up with brothers and males in my family as a child, I too took on the beliefs that men and women are from different planets – but at the core, love that I know again that this is just not true.
We have learned the ‘two different languages’ without even being aware of it, it is/was just the normal thing, and we end up with all the complications, hurts and strategies that seem to endlessly repeat themselves. It is necessary to challenge this so-called well accepted normal and put it to the test like with so many other things that constantly prove to not really work. The moment we start doing that we will begin to recognise that we don´t need to take anything as a given fact and that there are other options as soon as we change the underlying principles and the quality we like our relationships to be. Deep within we know what feels true; stripping away the ‘norm’ for even just a moment may allow us access to it.
I fully agree with you Alex, deep within we know that things are not right and should be different. Allowing this feeling to prevail and to let go of the perceived ideal and beliefs will lead us to another way of living, a way of living that is based on the livingness of the inner heart.
A best seller not doubt but selling what?
Great question Natallija, it makes me wonder if anything published that is not based on absolute truth and/or the whole truth and becomes the world’s best sellers, then to me, this says a lot about where humanity is at, it shows that buying and investing in illusion and glamour is our current world trend.
Communication is the absolute bedrock of relationships, and when that fails or things get in the way it can be so easy to blame the other for being different to us and for not understanding. Coming to understand and actually feel that there really is no difference underneath it all, between men and women – that we are all made of the same stuff- starts to unravel the stereotypes we can fall into playing along with.
“How destructive a force must beliefs be, that they have the power to do this?” It’s true. Unraveling the layers and capturing a thought or belief that I have been running with is one of the greatest feelings / healings / gifts within. It’s an ‘Uh Oh’ moment to see and then feel the pretense and mis-leading destructive path a belief can rule and does. Our essence is a being of love and a beholder of all — pure equalness in Light and a much needed commodity to be claimed on earth.
A beautiful way to create separation to focus on differences rather than on what unites us and then keep repeating that to keep people from realizing how equal we actually are.
Yes, it also hides the uniqueness of each one’s expression as much of our behaviour is pre-ordained.
“… but the belief that men and women are different was so strong that it overrode the evidence that was right under my nose.” This is why it is so important to spend time checking in with yourself, seeing what ideals, pictures, beliefs you are holding onto that can prevent us from seeing the evidence that is often right under our noses.
The thing is we can easily live our whole lives believing women are this and men are that, and never query these long-held beliefs, which would have been passed on by our family and society as a whole. When I look at the beliefs I had about men in general, it made me believe that I could not trust them and that they were anything but sensitive. We do ourselves an injustice when we hold onto these beliefs without questioning them if they are true or not.
Well said Elizabeth, we are all certainly here to live in harmony and brotherhood. But there is a force we have collectively allowed in to this plane of life that takes us away from brotherhood and replaced it with separation. Harm can only be carried out if we choose to see another as separate to us. When we understand where separation comes from and how we foster it, we begin to make sense of the disharmony and destruction that is currently running humanity. It is through the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine that I have come to realise how evil it is when we choose to live in separation and how this is affecting us all on a mass scale.
When we look back in history, the destructive forces of beliefs have the ability to create mass destruction and slaughter of innocent people, an example of this is the genocide during World War II, The Holocaust. This is the same destructive force that encourages people to believe that men and women are different, it encourages separation of many forms, from ones we think are normal to the more obvious ones we hear on the news. What are we feeding into if we take on these beliefs no matter how big or small? Truth is, in essence we are all the same regardless of gender, race or age.
I love the way you write Alexis. You expose a topical subject in a playful and transparent way. I would say the bottom issue here is not so much the outplay of power games between both sexes but more so the lack of responsibility for living who you truly are and hence the negative consequences for not living as such.
I absolutely agree with you, Joshua, this is not an outplay of power games, but lack of responsibility from both men and women to not live who they truly are with their innate qualities.
So true Joshua, we have no one to blame but ourselves and it is now time to shine the reflection of living life responsible.
Easier to blame, to pretend that there is some gigantic gulf between the two sexes and thus all the issues that we foster and fester are natural and unavoidable, than to take responsibility.
Every thing that is created on Earth has come about because of a demand. This book and any like it, that encourage there to be great divides between us are a reflection of the inequality we hold onto within ourselves.
A point we could all do to remember more often Aimee; that what we don’t like in the world has been supplied in response to a demand; our own (collective) demand…
Perhaps we have wanted to believe men and women are fundamentally different to excuse the lack of true understanding between us?
Great point Aimee and Jo; everything only ever happens through demand – so were is humanity at that it demands separation, and on so many different levels. As long as we look to the other for fulfilling the demand we will have that separation, as only when we truly connect and fulfill our demand to our selves, can we hold another in the equalness of that connection.
Agreed Aimee Jane, there are massive rifts within us and so these rifts are magnified all around us. Only re-unification within can bring about re-unification of all that is around us.
Hear hear – exactly so.
Men and women are far more of the same quality than they are different. We are all human beings first and foremost.
Could part of the problem actually be that we believe that we are ‘ all human beings first and foremost’, rather than the essence of God first and foremost?
Great point and one to really take on too as you nailed it here Alexis!
I never read this Alexis but had taken it on in my own way with beliefs about men and women. The more I connect to my essence within the more I see and feel the essence in others, the same essence equally, men and women, and know that the only difference is simply how we have chosen to express it.
“When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact.” Unravelled beautifully and brought back to a simplicity that throws out all the complications we like to incur in our relationships.
Brilliant blog Alexis, I have read this book too and I remember I had a chuckle at some of the things in the book. I thought part of it felt true and some parts didn’t so I didn’t read it again. I see there are many things in the world that encourages us to live in separation but we have created this, so we also have the power to re-imprint this separated way of living too and choose to allow ‘… men and women to be who they naturally are’.
Yes it is interesting Chan you could say that perhaps the book had some accurate observations about the patterns of behaviour that men and women engage in but to say that these behaviours are unchangeable or they are part of our essence is fundamentally incorrect and not my experience in life.
Last night i attended a meeting about mental health for young boys, a discussion about how to un-dress the gender stereotypes that pervade our society and allow boys to express themselves openly and naturally without feeling like they have to “man up” or “be tough”. As women have hardened and competed with men, the men in turn have lost sight of what they are innately here to offer and have bought into this tough/stoic image that they think makes them a male.
A society where both men and women can feel free to express themselves as they are, feels so far away from what we’re all currently living as a society, but conversations like these are where it has to start: how much are we prepared to be and show all of ourselves in all our relationships, and to allow our kids to be who they are too: to express what they can feel without having to put on a brave face or cover it up. Awesome to read that conversations like these are happening.. a blueprint for communities.
Not only were many men more powerful than the women around them, women like myself hated being ‘The Weaker Sex’ and wanted to be like the men. As a result we took on jobs that men could do (It happened during the way anyway) and women became hardened, tough, and many lost their sensitivity and delicacy. I even did a degree in Engineering! These days even women engineers are more feminine than I was back in the early 1970s, and there are a growing number of women worldwide who are reclaiming their natural ways, which helps men to rediscover their tenderness too.
You make a valid point Carmel, for whatever reason we as women have hardened ourselves to be in a male-dominated role and felt we had to change to survive, but as we are learning now it is not necessary, and that women can do the same jobs without having to compete and prove themselves.
I was so resentful of being a woman, I desperately wanted to be a man, they had such privilege and it seems the opportunities were always stacked in their favour. I have been born in an era where that is not the case though so perhaps in this lifetime it is time to get over all those hang-ups and get on with peeling back more layers and living the fragility, the sensitivity and delicateness I know is who I am and apply that to any job I feel is needed for me to do.
Super Alexis, I also fell for this book and it sat on my bookshelf for a good few years.. I thought i understood how men and women were by this book and at the time felt somewhat reassured , though never felt i truly did connect with a man because i’d put them ‘on another planet’, ‘different creatures’ … in other words separate to me as a woman. That is the biggest lie ever. The biggest truth that unifies is getting rid of those ideal pictures of separation, to reveal the fact that we are the same by essence within, and in this way I’ve been able to connect truly, deeply, wonderfully not just with men, but with myself and other women too.
Yes, this was a book that took the new age and self help world by storm. I never read it, but I got the picture, and it purely helped to re-enforce and magnify the belief that women and men are totally different creatures who will never understand each other in a million years. Yes, so very harming.
Whilst there may be differences in what men and women do, there is no difference in the essence of who they truly are.
So beautifully said Susan. Our conditioning makes all of us act as though we are everything but who we truly are. When we return to our essence we are left with love.
Such a great post Alexis. I read the men are from mars book but it left me feeling dejected about having a relationship with someone I couldn’t understand or relate to. There are differences between men and women but we are far more similar than different and identical in esssence.
Very well presented Alexis, thank you. I too grew up with this attitude, gullibly believing that we are different species, going along with the trends, but when I was introduced to the science of energy, then the blinkers fell away. We are all in essence the same fragile, tender beings and our bodies can reflect this equally, even if we have physical characteristics that distinguish us. When we live from essence first there is no separation between the sexes, just a huge appreciation of what each gender brings to the world.
When we peel the layers back to energy, all the excuses also go. We are left with an essence, a deeply divine essence which is then put to work in the service of others. When I picture what happens I see layers of muscle and skin as layers of protection, which physiologically they are, but I see them as mirrors which deflect any chance of calling out the illusion because then we would all have to do something about it. The Emporer’s New Clothes in action. We have to choose to see the illusion and live the essence of who we are so others get that reflection rather than the reflection of protection.
‘How destructive a force must beliefs be that they have the power to do this?’ When we begin to break down ideals and beliefs in this way we can see how insidious they can be, warping and twisting our choices and the way we relate and interact with each other.
Alexis, great article, from what I observe with men and women this is very true; ‘What these realisations have led me to understand is that any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits.’ There is so much pressure and expectations on men to be tough, to not be sensitive and sweet, this is crazy that we do not allow boys and men to simply be themselves, the world misses out on their natural, true qualities and suffers greatly for the introduced hardness and toughness.
It really depends on how deep we are prepared to go and understand another, and ourselves, doesn’t it?.
All that is needed really is to look into the eyes of either men or a woman who is connected to themselves and we will see that what is reflected back to us is simply the same, and that also is reflected back wherever we look in nature.
The insidiousness with which these beliefs have been allowed to take hold of our general consciousness is deeply damaging to the way that we all interact and creates a barrier against the innate knowing that we are all from the same essence and there is no need of division only recognition that we are all expressing from Love.
How wonderful is it to find out that in essence we are all the same . . . imagine we would live this in every angle of our lives. Perhaps than we would not have to deal with: war, hate, cyberbullying, jealousy, greed . . .
We begin our life like a new car, it may be left or right-hand drive, comes in different colours but under the shell, we are the same. As we drive down the road of life we chose to add aftermarket accessories that take us from our original self. Or, we can try to leave us unaltered and become a classic!
Classic Steve, then could it be the older we get the more we value our-self….?
Over the past few months I’ve had the honour of working closely with tradesmen. My own newly found awareness of tenderness in men allowed me to appreciate what these men brought to my home: not just the quality of their work but their inner qualities. I was blown away by what happened when I truly connected to them, looked into their eyes and felt their kindness and willingness to support me. And how different it was for them to be seen for who they are and treated as equals. When work was completed my natural impulse was to hug them and in doing so hugged myself.
It’s interesting isn’t it how we have jumped on the bandwagon and indulged in the beliefs making it the norm that men and women are different. Could it be because we simply don’t want to see that we are in essence the same because that would bring a greater love to ourselves and the planet? Could it be that it would bring us closer together as human beings and this would be way too much for us? Where there is a supply there has to be a demand so it is no wonder that the book ‘Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus’ has been one of the most popular books of all time.
Thank you Alexis for writing such a powerful expose of “Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.’ A book I never read or felt impulsed to. Dipped into it once to see what all the fuss was about, but couldn’t connect with it.. And yet, I like you lived beliefs expounded in the book and reflected in life and not until recently have I questioned their validity. Thanks to Serge Benhayon, my new understanding is that men and women in essence are exactly the same. This frees us from the many tensions that occur from holding false beliefs about men and women, We can instead seek healing, simply be ourselves as women and allow men to be who they truly are.
Alexis, this is a rippa of a blog. I love the raw honesty you share here and in your other blogs posted of late. Huge appreciation for you and all you bring. And how being honest, open and willing leads us to the truth of the matter. Very inspiring.
Thank you Johanna.
I remember someone giving me this book along with another which was about compromising yourself to fit into your partner. Both books were completely not what I know today and I at that time resisted applying them even though I read parts of them. It’s interesting how when we are wanting answers to our woes, relationships etc that we do not look at ourselves to have the answer and we do not discern what we buy or look for help from. The only real and true relationship advice that has supported me has come from Serge Benhayon and within after reconnecting to my innermost.
A true book on relationships would be very short, all it would say would be “All relationship problems can only be addressed in our relationship with ourselves, so have a look within”
How lovely to have this simple, clear and short book to remind us of always look within first and deepen the relationship with ourselve and thus all others.
The first and most important step to start with.
This is classic Alexis. The book would be a classic!
Short sharp and to the point – spot on!
You have nailed it Alexis. A big billboard sign would be good too.. just what you need to read when stuck in traffic.
What an awsomely inspirational book that would be Alexis! What potential….
We know in ourselves the truth, but we have allowed doubt to win and look for answers outside and often get caught up in following the masses rather than trusting what we feel.
I love the way you highllight ‘evidence’ Alexis. We live in a way that seems to show that this is all that there is, that we are born and destined to live in conflict, that it’s only natural to be distant and apart. Our world and all of the evidence tells us this is true. But is it ALL of the picture we need to see or just the part our spirit prefers? For when you truthfully examine who we are, universally it’s hard to deny the fact that we are all from the stars, that we all know Love equally at heart. We’ve fought so hard to avoid our true similarity but no amount of denial can hide the evidence that we are all divine.
Ps. Loved your bio also Alexis.
Men are naturally tender and caring and when we allow them to support us they often willingly express their true nature.
The separation of the sexes is perpetuated by the myth that we come from different ‘planets’ so to speak. The re-union of the genders comes with the understanding that when the women ‘breathe in’, the men ‘breathe out’. That is, in essence we are equal and we work together in harmony with the expression that is naturally there for us to express when we are in the body of either male or female. What needs to be addressed is how attached we have become with the assumed and entirely human created gender roles we have adapted ourselves into, considering we all have lived many lives as both men and women. Without an understanding of the great Cycle of Life we live (and ‘die’) within, we are unable to surrender this attachment and so around and around we go in the merry-go-round- of illusion we have created for ourselves here on Earth until such a time that we are ready to heal this divide both within and between us.
Loved what you have shared about the importance of our breath Liane, as we all could deeply focus on this aspect of life and we would always feel the benefits.
‘When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence’ not only is this the same with men and women but also colour, creed, and country. In truth we are all the same.
Spot on Vicky, we are all unified by our divinity, which is our essence will always be in connection with God!
our divinity is in itself unification.
Young children never discern between gender (unless they are taught otherwise from a young age) – they are effectively genderless.
Yes very true and it only really changes when they start going to Kindy or such, unless it is imprinted before then at the home front…
Whether we are men or women, ultimately we are all the same… tender, caring, sensitive and loving human-beings.
Although there is a difference between being in a female body and being in a male body and energetically this also brings a different quality in essence we all come from God.
I grew up keeping my distance from men because I lacked worth in myself as a woman. The more I have come to appreciate myself the more my life is surrounded by very gorgeous, loving and caring men. I have come to see that the quality of my relationships is set by how I am within them.
Great article as we often like to think we are different yet try to act the same without appreciating we are “exactly the same essence;”, the subtle things that get magnified in society are devastating to us living our fullness and having great relationships with each other. It’s only when I started to embrace how we are the same in quality, in essence that life for me turned around to be an amazing learning experience every day.
Alexis this is a huge consciousness you have tapped into. As people we default to making life about the physical and so when we see the obvious physical differences between a man and a woman, we seem to put them into 2 baskets. But in this we do not consider the essence of a person, and that it, in fact, has no gender. What is interesting is that I have met men who are more tender than women I know, and met women who are harder and tougher than men – perhaps a cry out that it is not about categorizing people because actually we can be seen from our essence first.
“When healing is true, then the false layers get stripped back and removed for good.” I say Amen to that.
Yes I agree, Alexis, this belief is definitely one of the “biggest, most damaging lies” we have been fed and along with many others have created a world where men and women have lived in separation to each other, even when in relationships. To peel back the insidious layers of polarising beliefs about men and women and to come to the realisation that in our essence we are both equal is so incredibly liberating and inevitably life-changing for all of us.
It is very beautiful to realise that men and women are in fact equal in essence although we express the quality of our essence differently through our incarnated bodies. However, when we break it down, as you have described so beautifully Alexis, all the layers we load ourselves up with, the introduced beliefs and pictures that are divisive in their intent, we discover that underneath it all we both crave the exact same thing, to be and express the love we naturally are, and that we are in fact here together to support, compliment and inspire each other.
Yes, this concept, was shown to me when I was a young boy. I had three younger sisters, I got the impression that I had to treat them differently. This has colored my relationship with women most of my life. As a teen I was very confused about how I should treat girls. I was attracted to them, but felt like I could not be myself around them. Treat them specially.
With support from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, I have gotten to the root cause of these beliefs. I am now in a true relationship with women.
A different world would be present for sure if we got rid of the belief that we were from different planets. But, then who would we blame? Is it possible that that lie was designed to have us not appreciate everything we have? To keep us stuck in patterns and behaviours, and to have something to roll our eyes over or whinge about till the end of our days? Seems, that’s all this concept has really brought to the table.
Roles are like cloaks we hang over our equal essence and when we forget who we are underneath, the role takes over and as we’ve seen the outplay of this – when enough of us do it – is the tragedy and comedy that comes with any act.
As we reconnect to the essence, the drama stops and the roles no longer own us, identify us, or determine our worth or define our relationships with ourselves and each other.
Thank you Alexis for the invitation to see beyond the roles that foster separation and get in the way of our natural connection with each other no matter what our sex.
The differences between men and women are but skin deep. When we look at the qualities of the being that is within each human we are from the same magnificent source. Therefore we have much more in common that we do, apparent differences.
I never did read that book, although I did hear many people talk about it. I went to an all girls school and grew up thinking men were somehow a different species from us women. This was quite damaging and caused problems in the way I used to relate to men. Yes we have our differences, but we have so much more in common, and I too have been fortunate enough to have a super gentle dad and wonderfully gentle husband to help me bust some of the false myth I bought into.
If we really were two different species then there would be a lot of inter-species breeding going on! Just because we have developed different ways of dealing with life on the outside does not mean in any way that we differ in the inside.
Hmm Joshua your comment got me pondering as to whether men and women have developed different ways of dealing with life on the outside. We’re both pretty good at numbing ourselves with food, alcohol and drugs, we’re both pretty good at distracting ourselves almost constantly with all manner of paraphernalia and we’re also both absolute masters of deceit. It’s ironic isn’t it, that when we share such absolute beauty, we also choose to share such despicable ugliness.
Great points raised here Alexis, in the manner of dealing with life we do not really differ at all, as men and women use more or less the same to numb, check out etc etc. Where then, are the ‘true’ differences? Apart from the physicality there aren’t really any that one is born with – so it is imprinting then from role models and taking on beliefs that these perceived differences get pointed out time and again …
Yes, yes and yes. This is a great conversation to be getting out there. I have had a very similar evolution in my relationships with men and women and in my observations of what each offers, and can absolutely attest to their equality. And, to prove this, I now have men in my life with whom I have the most tender and transparent and nurturing relationships (a role that would ‘traditionally’ be taken by a woman) and i have women in my life who are absolute powerhouses of strength, authority and leadership (a role that would ‘traditionally’ be taken by a man). Neither is less or more than the other – each are just the natural expressions of who we all are.
Brilliant exposure Alexis of the man-made great divide between men and women. This is perpetuated by beliefs and ideals we have taken on and therefore only choosing to see what supports the lie ‘men are from mars and women are from venus’. I live with three amazing, gorgeous, sensitive, gentle-men and have seen how these lies have affected them and at times eroded their sense of self and who they are. This especially plays out in school, it shocks me some of the lines that are said to teenage boys by Teachers that contribute to the separation and not seeing each other for who they are. And of course this is what Teachers have also been through themselves. This blog is great to start a much needed conversation on how our essence is naturally the same and how far away we have walked from this truth.
Just like myxomatosis in rabbits our beliefs stop us seeing clearly. A very good question to ponder on at the end. Thank you Alexis.
In essence men and women are the same and we really do not acknowledge or appreciate this fact, instead we have been, for far too long, looking at physical differences and behaviours that fit the stereotypes we have created.
Great call Alexis, we are all the same and have been the ones that have supported in one way or another, that old myth, that men are from mars and women are from venus. It’s great to know that men are exactly the same as us in truth and capable of just as much tenderness and deep love.
To purport that men and women are two different species perpetuates misunderstanding, lack of communication and giving up on each other. This myth draws invisible battle lines and does not support our innateness and the superb tenderness that is equally in men as it is in women.
As I was reading this I was also reflecting on the patronising remarks that are commonplace about what women do and are like, and what men do and what they are like. We conveniently separate ourselves from each other, perpetuating a schism that has existed for eons, not because this schism is natural but because of age-old hurts.
When we decide to peel back the layers of hurt that have kept us separate from ourselves and each other, pigeon-holed into boxes of our own making, we actually realise we are all the same. Yes, women have certain qualities and a different physicality, and men have other innate qualities and their physique is of course different. But in essence we are the same – the same tenderness, sensitivity and preciousness resides in both genders, for both are in fact divine when all those layer of hurt are peeled away, and we are with the truth of who we are: Sons of God, men and women alike.
Love this Katerina – “But in essence we are the same – the same tenderness, sensitivity and preciousness resides in both genders, for both are in fact divine when all those layer of hurt are peeled away, and we are with the truth of who we are: Sons of God, men and women alike.” And when we then hear ‘boys will be boys’ or ‘don’t be such a girl’ – this is so very harming as these children grow up with beliefs that will imprint their behaviour for years to come accordingly.
I love the way you write, Alexis, with such humour yet hitting the nail right on the head, exposing our craziness with a good dose of loving understanding. The sooner we connect with one another from our essence instead of the outer appearance and demeanour the better!
I completely agree that we are all EQUAL but also there are differences in our expression. I love being a woman and also can connect to having been a man in many lives – we have all been and will continue to be both as needed for our learning or service.
Great point to make Nicola – and when we remember this how can we possibly see men and women as different in their essence…
“both men and women [have] exactly the same essence” – This is gorgeous Alexis, and what a great reminder that in truth there is no hierarchy of power, leadership, abilities or duties between the sexes because all hearts beat the same. We should be appreciating the qualities every member of humanity brings rather than focusing on ideals based on face value appearances/genders.
So very well said Alexis. Myths like these can leave us feeling so very far apart from each other, and as you say, they keep us from seeing the truth that is right under our noses.
I was at a healing course this weekend and was doing a session with a man and whilst I was the healer doing the moves I felt such an exquisite quality in this man, his essence oh my it was absolutely divine, a tangible feeling in my hands and body that was so sweet and just simply love, like you say Alexis we are all the same when it comes to essence to essence,
Being supported by Universal Medicine that there is not something wrong as a man for not fitting the model of a ‘man from Mars’ has been far more than just a relief, it has been a re-birth.
Love this Jonathan – and when deeply connected men as well as women can stand in their own beautiful truth.
Absolutely we need to work as hard at eradicating the false belief that men and women are innately different as we have at getting rid of myxomatosis.
I agree that our ideals and beliefs are like a plague and an introduced disease that we have infected ourselves with and that can affect our very perception of life.
Andrew I feel that what you have shared about ideals and beliefs “affecting our very perception of life” is actually the intention behind why ideals and beliefs were introduced. They were introduced to specifically taint and tamper with our perception of life, much as interference on the TV would distort the picture. The problem is that we have lived with a distorted picture for such a long time, that we no longer doubt it’s validity.
And not only that, these ideals and beliefs can then infect all around us too as they try to live up to that ideal and belief and in the process everyone loses their true connection to themselves.
These words are very strong Andrew but oh so true.
Wow Alexis, a brilliant, powerfully written blog that completely exposes these myths as the manipulative lies they are. We believe and have accepted these as are our normal reality, which they are not. These lies are deeply harming for humanity as they are far from the truth of the true and natural essence we ALL are, equally so within, whether men or women.
Alexis, great article, “When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact.” I observe this is with young children, there is no difference between boys and girls, they are just as sensitive and sweet, playful and tender as each other and at this age they play with each other, there is not this boy/girl divide that happens later on – unless parents have introduced this early on.
Very true Rebecca. Young kids are the same. They play, are tense, considerate and inclusive of the all. Looking at the face, body and interactions of a young child in their openness and then comparing that side by side with the majority of people – their bodies, manners, faces – then it is easy to see how beliefs and ideals lived realistically affect the body. Adults in general feel so much more harder, not as open, identified by status and looks etc and young children are just about being them in the moment.
The reinterpretation of the truth about men and women is deeply harming as it makes us for instance accept behaviour of the other gender that we would never accept if we would remember the truth the we are inside all equal and the same.
As the world continues to spin and life continues to be lived – the more we take the untruth as truth then the far lesser and lost we are leaving this world for our future generations. This really magnifies the importance of having true reflections around so the truth can be seen and felt in movement.
I think “men are from mars and women are from venus” is a great description of just how far away we are from the amazing, caring, committed men and women we are designed to be. I agree we are all essentially the same in essence, but what if the deviation from that essence is what causes the seeming divide or rift between men and women?
Yes that could explain why people so often treat each other as aliens rather than lovers.
So true Meg. We are so far away from that original essence as a humanity. The very separation from it has led to us all being poles apart, whether we are men or women.
Indeed, as women separate from women as much as they do from men, and men from men too. So it really is all about everyone being ‘separate’ from everyone, and healing can only really take place once everyone has re-connected to themselves first and if everyone does that, then we all can only but be connected in our essence 🙂
Meg, I agree with you that the ‘deviation from that essence is what causes the seeming divide or rift between men and women’, but the most harmful part about it is, is that we have come to believe that the differences are fundamental to our nature, when in truth they have nothing to do with our original nature.
Yes it is truly harming when we live without our connection to our essence.
That is exactly what I was saying too, all this can only happen in separation to self first.
So true that people think they are what is not their essence and then write books on having relationships based on these false parts that aren’t who we are. It’s no wonder that those who’ve lost their connection with their essence, like myself at the time, buy books that promise insight into that something people know they are missing but can’t perhaps name. These books take us further away from who we are, complicate and fog up the issue when we need just look within.
Could it be, that we would no longer see stars and wonder, to become one ourselves and shine for all to see?
I had to read that twice Steve but yes I think you’re into something there! We are the beauty we simply need to be willing to be that and for all to see us like that.