For most of my life I have bought into a myth of such magnitude that it is impossible to either calculate or fathom the sum total of its catastrophic effects. It is a myth that is held almost universally and one that is encouraged and perpetuated by both men and women equally. Popular culture coined the term for this myth, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus:’ in a nutshell it describes the seemingly irrevocable differences between men and women. And up until very recently this is something that I simply took as gospel.
I felt that everywhere I looked there was evidence to support the myth. Growing up in the 70’s in England, the differences between what the two sexes actually did was stark.
Men almost exclusively held positions of power, not just as world leaders but leaders in religions worldwide, as well as in government, pretty much all businesses, schools, local authorities and indeed most organisations. Women on the other hand were generally always the ones who were at home with the kids and if they did work, then it tended to be as nurses, in the typing pool, as secretaries, in the school canteen etc. It was a given that women did the jobs that supported the men to be able to do their jobs.
The myth was mirrored in my own home. My dad was a manager in an insurance company. He often travelled a lot for work. My mum looked after my sister and I when we were smaller and then when she was able to return to work, my mum worked in secretarial and personal assistant roles. I never remember Mum working for a woman, only ever men. The other thing that mum did, which seemed to bolster my belief that men and women had very different qualities, was that she ‘helped out a lot.’ Mum did lots of charity work and she cared constantly for those around her. As a result, I grew up believing that women were naturally more caring than men.
Even though I grew up in a family where my parents shared the decision-making process and always showed one another the greatest respect, I was very aware that this was often not the norm. I knew just from being out in the world that men were by default the decision makers – they were the ones that said what was going to happen. I knew that they didn’t have to justify or reason why; they were able to have the last say based purely on the fact that they were men. I was also aware that violence towards women was an accepted part of our society and I saw what I deemed to be the ‘aggressive side of men’ as simply yet another glaringly obvious sign of the differences between men and women.
Growing up, the evidence was all around me: men and women were indeed a completely different species. As I became a teenager and started to go out with boys, the differences between the two sexes were further confirmed. I had boyfriends who drove cars in destruction derbies, boyfriends who volunteered to fight fires, boyfriends who were enthusiastic about cars and motorbikes, boyfriends who loved competitive sport and boyfriends who loved going to the pub with their mates. Basically, boyfriends who loved doing things that many girls didn’t.
Although my relationships always started off well, they also ended up full of struggle, a familiar pushing and pulling, a lack of understanding one another, an inability to see things in the same way – basically a breakdown in communication. I remember being in my mid-twenties and thinking to myself that although I was not attracted to women in a sexual way, I could see the benefits of being in a relationship with another woman – at least we would speak the same language!
So when in 1992, John Gray’s book ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ was published, I thought, “How true that is – men and women are indeed a different species,” and I saw the prospect of spending my life in a relationship with a man from another planet as rather gloomy.
In the last several years, I have been involved in the process of healing: a process that has involved the stripping back of many layers. Layers of muck that I have accumulated not just from my current life, but from many lifetimes. These overlapping layers are multitudinous, made up from an array of different things; reactions to being hurt, beliefs that I have taken on, ideals that I have tried to live up to. They are many and varied but basically what they all have in common is that they are all not me.
When healing is true, then the false layers get stripped back and removed for good.
I have received true support for this healing process through Universal Medicine. There are many men and women who are on the return leg of the journey with me and as a result of being with, and feeling the quality of the men, who are also stripping back their layers, I have had a revelation of such magnitude that it has quite literally taken the top of my head off.
When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact. Ok sure, we have different bodies and yep, men can lift more weight than women, but in our essence, we are the same. The alarming thing is that I have had the living evidence with me my whole life: I have a dad who is the most tender of men and a partner who is a naturally gentle and caring man but the belief that men and women are different was so strong that it overrode the evidence that was right under my nose.
How destructive a force must beliefs be that they have the power to do this?
What these realisations have led me to understand is that any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits. What’s worse is that we have lived with these introduced changes for such a long time that we have come to see them as normal but they are not – they are not normal at all.
So, something to ponder on is how would life be if we lived free of the largely unchallenged myth that ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ and simply allowed men and women to be who they naturally are?
By Alexis Stewart, Disability support worker, yoga teacher, massage therapist, mother, partner, patch of God, Sydney, Australia
Equality – What Does it Mean?
Gender Equality – It Starts With Me Now
Love – the missing link in gender equality
Gender equality: how far have we come?
Love this comment Jane – the book looks to rationalise the status quo and has the effect of making it more concrete. The alternative which Alexis offers is to look deeper, beyond the differences and the hurts and back to an essence that we all share.
Deep down we are all the same, the same essence, same soul, same divine spark from God. To then live a life as a man or a woman does have its different qualities… the sacredness and stillness inherent in a woman, the tenderness and strength of a man. These complement each other with such profound bonding when lived, but as you have noted Alexis, they have been bound and gagged, misrepresented on such a scale that what we think of as Men and Women today is warped into something totally different. Thank you for reminding us to look deeper, see clearer, and encourage us to enjoy each other!
Beautifully expressed Simon, and so clear.
We don’t need any book or anyone to tell us but when we feel we know the absurdity of how women or men are entitled to more or should be treated differently, because of their gender is a big fat lie. How much there is to appreciate when this lie becomes a Livingness in life to drop it and live Truth.
Doug, the whole way that we have set up life is a huge lie.
We do so much harm through not living in unity with one another, parents, adults we have a responsibility to role model another way of being together. We are not enemies, victims etc we need to get past these barriers and look at the truth of every man or woman that we meet.
We are so affected by external comments that if the predominant view in society is that men and women are different then that is what we grow up believing. What is happening now, however is that more and more people are truly seeing each other as equals and there will come a time when that becomes sufficiently high that it tips the scale of opinion. We need to value ourselves and yes, there may be physical differences between each individual let alone male and female, but the more we value each and every one of us, the more we will also feel the absolute equality of us all.
The views expressed often that as men we are like this and as women you are like that have never made much sense to me. Do we not hold onto these separations when we don’t want to know innately we are equal and that we then don’t have to be responsible to live this equality?
Misconceptions about men and women, such as the Mars and Venus myth you describe, only cement the polarisation and estrangement between the two genders; lies and fodder for an eager public do not contribute to the healing that is needed for humanity, all of humanity regardless of gender identification.
Human beings are hungry for beliefs because beliefs keep us at a distance from ourselves, and we are all so ravenouse to not feel the consequences of our choices and to make this failed attempt at life work.
I like the way you describe healing as stripping back the layers of old belief systems and ideals we have carried for lifetimes, certainly our relationships offer great healing because all our ‘stuff’ is constantly being reflected back to us and it is then our choice to use that for healing and change or to resist and further cement our behaviours.
Rabbits aside because they multiply so fast when the conditions are right, when we can get the whole appreciation of who we are then this allows our True evolution without any need to be caught in a trap or virus to distract us from who we are.
Beliefs are the biggest bullies of them all. Their sole purpose is to manhandle us away from the truth with absolutely no regard for our wellbeing. They are thugs of the highest order.
Yes Alexis, bullies they are! I can attest to that and would just add that Beliefs have a great mate called Ideals and together they reek all sorts of misguided havoc if we allow them in and make them comfortable. The true is we invite them in in order to avoid the responsibility we have to stand alone in Truth so we use these ‘thugs’ to hide behind as a form of false protection that is detrimental to our health and wellbeing as the only way we can ever obtain true health is to drop all defences, protections and securities and be ourselves in full
Well said Kathleen.
‘I have a dad who is the most tender of men and a partner who is a naturally gentle and caring man but the belief that men and women are different was so strong that it overrode the evidence that was right under my nose.’ Yes these beliefs are so destructive when they completely ignore the beauty and sensitivity of men who are around us. I used to subscribe to this belief. After seeing how Serge Benhayon is so respectful of women (and men equally) and other men like him, I have admitted a very big ouch: that many men have respected me more than I have respected myself. I can feel this sensitivity in all men – even those who are being aggressive or dismissive of women, because I can see the hurt that is driving their behaviour – which is no excuse, it’s just not who they naturally are.
How far away from our true essence have we come when we look at our physicality and think that is who we are. We are so much more than our physicality.
We are the depth of God in human form and yet we get completely caught up in the charade of looks, so much so that we undergo surgery to make certain parts of ourselves either bigger or smaller. How lost have we allowed ourselves to get?
Agreed Doug and not only do we ‘no longer know who we are’, but we no longer know who others are, when we sum them up with a quick once over with our eyes. We are choosing to completely skim over the top of life and missing the depth of it’s immense beauty.
I was bought a book with a title like this some years ago for Christmas no less; it was full of cliches about men and women and definitely referred to what was different rather than what brought us together. I remember something about a man cave that I agreed with, the book kind of got you to pick sides and rage in supposed humour at the other side…men versus women. In truth we have many qualities that complement one another and we have so much in essence that connects rather than the stuff that keeps us apart. It is very damaging to grow children with the idea that men and women are so different and so against each other.
Agreed Samantha, we do indeed ‘grow children’ into believing that men and women are a very different species. We introduce them into two different channels that exist in pretty much every country in the world. One channel for woman and one channel for men. Pick a country, any country and you will find these channels, identified by housework, work life, attitudes, status within marriage, roles in parenting, differences in power, difference in privileges, the list is literally endless. The kids go into and through the channels and come out as sausage meat.
Michelle wouldn’t it be wonderful to have appreciation for the opposite sex, rather than the all too prevalent confusion, frustration, irritation, annoyance and general malaise that currently exists.
Although it would outwardly appear by the behaviours we take on that men and women are from different planets this is indeed far from the truth. If we stopped and connected we would simply feel the same in essence and that there can be no differentiation since the source for us all is the same. If we were also to appreciate the slightly different flavour of that essence that men and women bring we could have nothing but love and appreciation for each other as together we make a whole that we can’t make without the other gender.
Once we re-connect to the truth of who we all are, then there will be no need to sit down together and work on anything as it will feel so utterly unnatural to discriminate against anyone for any reason at all, that we simply won’t do it.
Energy is always either trying to separate us or unify us and all we need to do is to look at the consequences of how the energy plays out to know which it is.
This destructive force is no different to the belief we are separated by belief, culture, race or geography. Indeed we are in truth not as underneath it all our essence is the same love.
Men and women are living so far from their essence we have both lost our true sense of who we are. Developing a hard protection, withdrawing from life, going out and being aggressive – these are all learned traits of behaviour. Our natural way is deeply tender for both men and women.
The word tender really touches and inspires me these days. It is not so long ago that I would have considered it weak and insipid. Interesting how we dismiss such truly inspiring qualities.
‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus:’ in a nutshell it describes the seemingly irrevocable differences between men and women. Yet what if we are all one and all love and the same and we are a compliment of each other divine in our unique expression of God . This changes everything and brings a real understanding and love to our lives our relationships and all we are. and dispels the myth of our separation and differences.
We are not so different – it is a lie we have fallen for. You only have to unpick the lies we are passing on to see that men are just as awesome as women. We pretend that we are worlds apart and do not understand each other but in fact, it is the ideals and believes that get in the way and has us being cruel to each other.
Julie the word ‘cruel’ really stood out to me, it seems almost inconceivable that so many people can be so cruel to one another but unfortunately that is a pure reflection of the illusion of separation that we have brought into and continued to perpetuate here on Earth.
How do you live with a man who appears to have such different ideas from you? In relationships we often look for the number of things we don’t have in common, looking for the faults rather than the things we can appreciate. As a result we end up judging and criticising each other instead of deepening the love that is always there.
Yes, this myth is rife throughout the world. The thing is, we are not the same either, we are equal energetically but I am discovering the true differences and one being quite inconceivable to some but nevertheless true from my lived experiences. That men are more sensitive than women, that things can hurt them more deeply and that we must take great care in how we deliver things to them if we want to encourage the natural tender nature out.
When I was growing up, I hated the obvious differences between how boys and girls where treated, and then therefor how boys and girls treated each other. There is something deep down that is really not okay and natural about this separation, putting down, keeping apart and segregation that occurs and the inevitable judgements, superiority, suppression, comparison that occurs because of it
This is similar to the twisting of the word feminism – it actually has nothing to do with females/womens rights, the word actually encomapsses the fact of equality for all, both men and women, but it is increasingly becoming a word synonymous with women’s rights only and therefore divides men to feeling that somehow feminism is something seperate from them or not for them, when in fact true equality is for all of us
Once we ‘get our own house in order’ then all we see when we look out at others is ourselves.
What if we were all from Mars or all from Venus, then if that is a possibility we could also be a mixture of both? Then if this is remotely possible maybe it has nothing to do with sex but how we reconnect back to our Sacredness no mater where we come from or who we are at this time in our many life cycles? Would this not empower us all to make life about our essence, sacredness and how we reconnect to that.
Over the past few years I have got to know quite a lot of men, men who know that in their essence they are as tender and vulnerable as women, we all have a greater appreciation and understanding we are all the same with-in. No amount of hard sport or tough personality has ever deleted what and who we truly are, both in men and women.
We may have different genders, abilities and expressions but in essence we are all the same. But do we treat each other with the same respect, decency and love keeping this in mind?
The true purpose of healing is to strip back the layers of that which does not belong to the essence of who we are, uncovering that regardless of the gender, we are all delicate and sensitive beings. Reflecting each other trust that we don’t need to be in protection, to feel safe as living from an open heart is the best medicine there is.
There are no boundaries in the territory of God, because why would you ever want to limit stillness, love, harmony, joy or truth? These qualities are all gloriously infinite.
It really doesn’t matter where we are from. At the moment we are all stuck on the same planet together, and this is something we all have in common! Our job is to figure out how to live together in harmony on this planet. This will unify us rather than focus on our differences.
Yes no arguing there, we are all here for the time being anyway, and this we cannot escape. So while we are passing through why not let love be our guiding purpose.
A horse is a horse, yes? We have Shetland ponies and Clydesdales that are both horses but with different purposes! Are we not the same?
When we live from our essence there is no separation for we both come from and express divine love which is brought through in both the male flavour and female flavour.
This is what we all need to understand that our essence is the same, but our expressions can be many different qualities. We all bring our own sparks.
Understanding comes from the head, knowing comes from the body. It is only from the body that we shall come to remember that our essence is the same.
Anything that separates men and women in this way only feeds misogyny. No understanding of the other sex can come from thinking we are from different planets.
Well said Fiona. Different expressions of equal value and all offering us the opportunity for balance and unity.
When we express from equalness, we promote equalness but when we express from separation then all we promote is more separation. You can’t conjure up something from something that you are not.
I understand that we reincarnate many times and that therefore we have been both men and women many times. How bonkers it is to consider that we are from different planets based on gender and what a set up to have us believing that men and women are always going to be incompatible.
Beliefs set up behaviours that in turn confirm the belief, thereby giving life to something that has been totally fabricated and that exists nowhere other than in our made up reality.
Matilda whilst on the subject of ‘bonkers’, what is totally bonkers is the fact that we have been lead to believe that men and women are incompatible, when the truth is we are actually naturally combined, we are the Oneness of Life. How on earth can something that is intertwined to the point that there is no definition in the mixture also be incompatible? Lies and illusion, smoke and mirrors, that’s how.
Anything that tells us we are different with the intention to further separate us is pure evil.
Agreed Sam, which is why it’s so important for us to continually express the truth and that is that it is not possible for us to ever be separate from one another, it is only possible for us to believe that we are.
There is really a balance to consider – it is helpful to truly look at men and women and to be aware of their differences beyond the physical. That can be very supportive but it is harmful to make up differences that don’t exist.
Our true essence is not gender based as all are equal in essence, it is only we who have created the divide which only serves to separate us and see each other as different, but only because we have taken on what is not us from outside of who we truly are. Give a couple a blindfold and put them together, and all they will feel is each others essence with no pictures to come in and dictate how they interact.
and what we have deliberately chosen.
This myth perpetuates the notion that there is separation between the sexes rather than celebrating the truth that there is a way for us to come together as One whether that be male/female, male/male or female/female, and in the union of this expression are able to be all that we truly are within ourselves, with another and also with the many.
Yes, anything that ignores this possibility of brotherhood is less than ideal.
This is another tool in the illusion to keep us as separated as possible from who we truly are. Like you Alexis there are many people starting to see through this myth and in time we will all be able to see through what has been deliberately laid upon us.
Shirley-Ann ‘force’ is the right word for what the world uses to convince us so successfully that we are different individual beings. These forces come at us constantly in a myriad of ways; we are literally bombarded from birth. It is for each of us to extradite ourselves from these forces so that we can stand together as the one united being that we actually are .
A lot depends on whose eyes you’re looking through. Look through the eyes of the spirit and all you’ll see are differences, look through the eyes of the soul and all you’ll see is God.
Love this Alexis – a great marker for what we have chosen to align to.
When we are young it seems we know love knows no bounds, and part of our education is putting up boundaries. Yes there are some horrible expressions human beings have towards each other which makes us want to protect ourselves, but we are missing out on the boundlessness of love within us if we hold a guard towards the world in our every day life.
“…part of our education is putting up boundaries.” This is so sad. As someone who is still learning how to undo them I know how very harmful and painful boundaries can be.
I am deeply moved again and again when I witness people like Serge Benhayon relate to each person in absolute recognition of the inner divinity within us, and never back down from confirming that this is our true essence only shrouded by a cloak of what is not.
In contrast I find it immensely dishonouring of people to hold anyone in the light of patterns of behaviour that does not represent the depth of love, care, harmony and responsibility that is our true essence. And actually abusive to make up and offer justifications that ingrain us further in such patterns.
Golnaz I have held others ‘in the light of patterns of behaviour that do not represent the depth of love, care, harmony and responsibility that is their true essence’ for most of my life and that is because I have been blinded by the same patterns. It is only now, that I am becoming free of those patterns, that I am able to ‘recognise the inner divinity’ within me and therefore the inner divinity within us all.
Between two men or two women there is a physical difference yet in essence they are the same, this is no different between a man and a woman.
Different packaging for the same product.
It’s pretty much the story of human history you have summed up here Alexis – we live in a way that’s not our true nature then take the horrible consequences as evidence that life for us is too hard. It’s time we started to see life the other way around – not from the behaviours of abuse but the sweet love and care we all know equally inside. Here there is no space for the gender stereotypes you describe.
Funny how we set a precedent and just go with it. The whole ‘man at work, woman in the kitchen’ was mirrored in my home, and in many of my friends – and this seemed to be the norm. But no one ever asked why. Until Universal Medicine presented true equality to me and all of a sudden I saw how people make the choice to play a role rather than to be themselves.
If one pays attention they will notice that there is much to separate us and people, and make us individual. Whether it be sex, colour, creed, nationality, hobbies, interests, sexual orientation, height, weight and so many more. I can’t help but feel that this is deliberate, and deliberate to give us reason to return to the glorious One we came from.
What a beautiful understanding of the oneness of our essence and the simplicity and love this allows in our lives that is so often hidden and not lived due to the ideals beliefs and books like “men are from mars and women are from venus’.
This saying ‘men are from mars, women are from venus’ is something that I used to use to try and help me understand what I found to be incomprehensible behaviours by people, because I learnt that by boxing the different sexes in to categories like this it offered me some form of respite from the confusion and tension, it offered an explanation that would satisfy my troubled mind, of course only until the next time when confusion would reign again. But for that brief moment things made sense and this meant a lot to me and was very comforting. I understand now the greater science that is men and women and what enormous beauty there is to be expressed by each gender, and how it is there – in the beauty – the greatest potential for harmony between us.
Yes it is by honouring the differences in the genders and what each brings as it is to honour everyone for their own uniqueness that harmony can occur.
Or is it Greg, that our soul reminds us of the eternal unification that we are already and forever part of?
Could it be we all come from the cosmos and whether it is any other planet we have a Soul that unites us all as one who is a living light as a Son of God.
The idea that men come from Mars and women from Venus covers up behaviours that we would otherwise not accept from each other as men and women. And that is exactly what ideals and beliefs do, they cover up and make us blind to what is truly going on. The beautiful thing is that we can stop and start to observe life again at any time and expose the ideals and believes we hold.
Well said Lieke, not only do beliefs ‘cover up behaviours’ but they also set them in motion. The damage that ideals and beliefs do can not be underestimated for a moment.
It sets us up saying that we are inherently different rather than we are all the same, we just have a different body to inhabit and express from this life time. By separating us into 2 different groups we cause a divide. I know for myself growing up when I exhibited feminine, nurturing and loving qualities I was often shot down and told that was ‘gay’ when it was a very natural expression. The more we see and embrace the love we are, the more genderless we become.
‘The more we see and embrace the love we are, the more genderless we become’, indeed, because ultimately we are all returning to the body of God and God herself is genderless.
This is beautiful what you share Alexis, God is genderless and we are returning to God, what a confirmation of truth.
This is gorgeous James – returning to an equal expression of male and female energy.
Alexis, I agree with you here; ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ is perhaps One of the Biggest & Most Damaging Lies in History’, working with young children I can feel how these so called huge differences between men and women are simply not true, boys are just as sweet and tender as girls, this can be seen clearly when children are young, it is how we are conditioned as we grow up that makes men and women seem so different, but on the inside we are the same.
So true Rebecca, and when we meet babies and even toddlers we cannot tell the difference unless the parents have dressed them up in obvious clothes. A baby boy can be just as delicate and tender as the perceived picture of a baby girl, and a baby girl just as boisterous as the perceived picture of a boy. These babies are all the same in essence but grow up in a world of role models made from and exacerbated by beliefs and catch phrases such as the title of the book. It is time for us as a common humanity to begin to let go of the pictures that we feel keep us safe and comfortable but in reality divide us from ourselves, our true essence, and others.
When we focus on the differences between men and women it perpetuates them and leads to separation. We then end up with gender roles which leads to expectations. When they are not met it leads to conflict. We are then so separate that we can’t understand each other and communication difficulties and misunderstanding is commonplace. We are more similar than we are different and perhaps we could shift the focus to that and see how we go. We live in a society where men and women are treated as different species yet it needn’t be this way.
We’ll only be able to ‘shift our focus’ to the similarities that exist between men and women, rather than the differences, once we have brought ourselves into a more cohesive whole. As long as we exist in separation then separation is what we’ll see.
Maybe we need to look to the stars and feel the truth of who we are and feel our connection to the all rather than reduce ourselves as men and women as having different traits and communication styles.
Yes love that, in truth we are genderless.
Connecting to the Universes, stars, planets and all, as one and equal, that eliminates any comparison.
We can make the choices in our days to live free of the gender myths, not in reaction to them or one another, but in the acceptance and enjoyment of each other’s qualities.
In aligning to the the separative way of life we have allowed ourselves to believe that men and women are fundamentally different – we like to play games that reinforce the belief that we don’t understand the other gender – but what’s not to get about tenderness and delicacy? They are two sides of the same coin. Men and women compliment each other beautifully and we are not complete without each other. There is a gorgeous playfulness too when we are in connection, whether male or female. If we were to just let go and really appreciate what is before us in the qualities we each bring then we would realise we are the same in essence, but with a slightly different flavour we can enjoy each other much, much more.
So true Michelle what is there not to love about tenderness!
“any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us” If this is true, and for me it is, we have also have the key to undo this and return to a state of being in which women and men are appreciated for their specific features they bring from their gender, but mostly for the commonality men and women are in essence.
I agree Nico and that is the key, we have the power and responsibility to undo this notion of separation between the 2 sexes. Sure, by doing it in different physical bodies we express different qualities but ultimately we are all the same regardless and all have the same propensity to love.
We are all love, just slightly different expressions of the same one love but basically love is who we all are.
Beliefs are indeed very destructive and constant force on ourselves. I remember travelling to Australia and wanting to live there because all the beliefs about how I should be I dropped for some reason. I never lived there and have had to look at all the expectations I’ve placed on myself and let them go – including all the gender based ones which are many layered. I have no doubt many more layers and how I live them will come into my awareness.
The beliefs that men and women are so very different are part of the package that stop us from questioning the social conditioning we receive throughout our lives. Stripping this away is an essential part of healing our relationship with ourselves and therefore our ability to have harmony in our relationships.
We need to go back to the truth of our being our true essence then their is no gender but true purpose no matter what gender we are.
I agree, very damaging, to put us against one another, we can very easily get a sense of these two camps within society, stalking around each other, with no trust, resentment, but so wanting to be together. Time we take a fresh look at the state of our relationships and get honest.
We keep shooting ourselves in the foot when we keep making up excuses and theories about the disharmonious patterns which we should instead be honest about. Only by clearly admitting what is not working, will start to unravel what is true, deepen our awareness of our essence and evolve.
How evil it is to encourage a belief that men and women are from different planets. And then to name the planets – it is a complete falsity. If the origin of our species is from the stars then why would we differentiate between gender? It just serves to separate and divide, which is the total opposite of the unity and brotherhood that is possible and needed.
Ultimately the purpose of every belief is exactly that, ‘to separate and divide’.
It’s great to appreciate our differences and what we can bring as men/women, but only with the understanding that at the core we are all one in the same!
beautifully and simply said ????
When we see that we are all the same in essence it takes away both the competition between genders and also the striving to outdo each other. When we truly see we are the same in essence then I am finding there is an equal opportunity to build truly loving relationships with everyone.
‘Truly loving relationships’ are naturally at the heart of all relationships, it’s just that we’ve added foreign constraints to life that mask this immutable fact.
I agree when we understand the truth our essence and that we are the same there is no space for competition. There is only space for deepening a loving relationship.
When we know the truth of our essence then we shall also know that we are all the essence of truth.
Great to call out the separation and division such a book re-inforces… although probably not consciously done by the author. It is a reminder to be very aware of what we offer others in whatever form that may take – is it harming or healing, will it support another’s true evolution or not?
And it was that question Paula , that caused me to put some unwonted CDs in the bin rather than take them to a charity shop. The CDs would not have supported anybody’s evolution so rather than pass them on, I threw them out.
It is interesting to watch children in relation to how boys and girls relate. Up to a certain point it does not matter to either sex how they are with each other, but you can see a point at which they begin to react to each other differently. They don’t want to play together, and this is where it begins. With children begin to express that which they are picking up from the environment around them rather than their own hearts.
If we hadn’t fallen for this age old lie like the countless other lies we have fallen for the world would be a far more balanced and beautiful place.
Do we ‘fall’ for the lies or do we choose them?
I deeply appreciate that through the opportunities to make changes in my own life, inspired by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and associated practitioners I can now relate to both men and women with an equality of being and sharing a far deeper and greater level of who I truly am without what the world has demanded of me.
As I uncover more and more about who I am , I appreciate the same qualities within others also. I once was fearful of men and now through my own healing see just how beautiful and tender men are and also see this within women also. We become a mirror in which all are then reflected back to us and this is hugely important in our exploration of who we are and who we all are showing that we are all universally one.
Living from the myth that men and women are different in their essence is an excuse for irresponsibility and abusive behaviour to continue. Acknowledging, accepting and living from the understanding and knowing that in essence men and women are the same with just a difference in expressing that essence gives a foundation that leads to responsibility, truth and equality.
It’s interesting how we feel we have to read a book to learn about our fellow human beings. Everything we need to know is there for us to feel when we relate with others. We already know.
This image of men as the ultimate decision makers with women sitting passively by their side is very evocative of a time that no longer has a relevance in our modern lives, and yet it can still remain in the minds of many women and men who do not regard themselves as equal – with the meaning of true equality here needing to be explored.
Was there ever a time, when men being the decision-makers and women sitting by the side was ever relevant?
The true value of who we all are and the simplicity of the oneness of God we all come from is so different to the separatism we are brought up to accept and be. An amazing sharing of the truth of who we all are that gives us the permission to understand know and live this lovingly.
So true Alexis about the power of beliefs when we put energy/thought into them and keep them alive and away from ever feeling ours or another’s truth or love.
So true Alexis, I love what you’ve shared. I grew up with parents who were aware of those supposed gender differences and roles and actively sought to break them, not so much between them as my Dad would no more cook a meal for us than my Mum might do some handyman job… but they carried an expectation that we would all go to university and have careers in whatever we chose, and that our capacity to do so was equal. I remember my mother refusing to buy me dolls until I pleaded for so long, I finally got ONE for xmas at about age 7 or 8. It was the only one I ever got, and I can’t recall every wearing the color pink, nor seeing it on me in baby photos either. For a long time l felt slightly uncomfortable about wearing pink, being a bit indoctrinated that it’s a ‘girly, girl’ color…. which is no better really as it was still not offering the opportunity to wear whatever I felt to.
Spot on Ariana, the lie that we are separate from God is the Grandaddy of them all!
Spot on Ariana, the lie that we are separate from God is the Grandaddy of them all!
When we ‘believe’ someone is different to us, that their ‘wiring’ is in another language, we will already have a feeling that they won’t completely understand us and we them. Therefore, it has a very profound affect on how we interact with each other as men and women. We already carry a hurt that the other ‘species’, men/women, won’t ever be able to ‘get’ us. What insidious force would concoct such a divisive ‘belief’ – one that is trying to prevent us from being the love that we are.
Alison, the different ‘wiring’ that you so aptly describe is a great description not only for the differences that we erroneously believe exist between men and women but the differences that we imagine there to be between the young and the old, one country and another, different religions, cultures and so on. ‘Difference’ is seen and experienced as divisive because we are choosing to ignore the non negotiable fact that under all and any of our perceived differences is the sameness of God.
The belief that men and women are so different, not only physically but innately different, is no doubt, in part, what has pushed women to ‘prove’ themselves in what has been considered by many to be a ‘mans world’. Accepting that we are made up of the same divine particles allows us the grace to be all of who we are in whatever we are doing, we do not need to compete, perform, ‘pretzel’ ourselves to be anything other than the love that we are. Then we are living in a way that truly honours who we all are and it’s amazingly beautiful.
It’s understandable that women who have wanted to ‘get on’ in the world have fashioned themselves on men because it is the men that have held pretty much all positions of power worldwide. From political figures to school principles, surgeons and right down through to ‘heads of families’, it is the men that have ‘governed’. And so women have assumed that to be powerful, we have to emulate the men and this has paid a heavy toll on our bodies. Wondrously it is from our bodies that we are now able to re-instate our natural power, a power that comes from our innate exquisite femaleness.
It’s heartbreaking to acknowledge this false belief that we have been fed and believed for so long. It’s no wonder that we have built our walls of protection to hide behind, as we have all been fed divisive lies about how we ‘should’ be in this life. Lies designed to separate us from ourselves and each other, creating false stereotypes which ask us to live in a way that’s completely opposite to who we truly are. Knowing the truth that men and women both share the same essence offers us the opportunity to get rid of these false ideals and beliefs once and for all.
Yes, we have been ‘fed divisive lies’ but we have all greedily and willingly gobbled them up.
A saying like this ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’ sets us up to excuse any and all abusive or seperative behaviours as simply something that cannot be helped between men and women
Which suits our dogged determination to avoid responsibility to an absolute tee!
We are very identified by the differences between men and women and foster them as treasures without realising the complexity, struggle, hurt and separation we are choosing to be in through this. It is great to start questioning the stereotypes we have come to take for truth and look at the true nature of both men and women. If we do, we will discover that we have gotten it very wrong and that when we live in our true expression harmony, connection and true love is actually constantly on offer.
We can’t re-unite humanity without first re-uniting men and women and we can’t re-unite men and women without first re-uniting ourselves. We are the starting point for every-thing.
“When you strip back everything that does not belong, then what you are left with in both men and women is exactly the same essence; identical in fact.” The love and support that society is needing is huge, to come to and appreciate the fact that in essence we are all the same confirms that which I felt as a kid and that which society can step forward with to truly heal what we have in the world.
When ever we put a gender or person in a box we all lose out, the connotations that come from saying men are from Mars Women from Venus are so very limiting and takes us away from the equal magic we all have.
We only have to look up at the night sky and behold the vast firmament, the stars twinkling and communicating, to know that we are all equal and in essence all the same.
Men are certainly physically different: they are usually taller and stronger than the women around them and they have deeper voices. Their physical strength can overpower a woman but so can their tenderness be powerful as in a woman her delicateness and sweetness can have a power that is unlimited.
It is so amazing and liberating when you suddenly realise that a belief that you have believed and lived by is nothing more than a big fat lie.
When we hold ideals and beliefs, we ‘expect’ another to behave in a certain way, there is an unspoken demand put on that person, like saying you are not ok to be as you truly are, society says you are like this to be a ‘true man’ or ‘true woman’. So, we are all trying to live up to impossible expectations that take us away from being the divine beings that we are, the worst part being, what we all crave the most in life is be who we truly are and to feel that loving truth being shared in everyone around us.
‘What these realisations have led me to understand is that any differences that exist between the two sexes have been introduced by us and are as healthy as the introduction of myxomatosis to rabbits.’ – so true, Alexis. The harm that we have inflicted on both sexes by championing false and ridiculous ideals and beliefs is monumental.
these ideals and belifes are really toxic because they can subtly influence us in really major ways
Ideals and beliefs form the very structure of our world. Dissolve them and the truth shall be revealed.
That takes for sure the pressure of men and opens space for
Women to be in their sacredness.
It’s very worth appreciating that men are already exactly what it is in their essence that we think we are looking for. If we stop trying to change them and started connecting more to ourselves we might just bring forth these qualities that are buried under the imposed images of what is thought a man should be.
Sandra I found your comment very interesting as it caused me to reflect on the fact that so many of us as women are looking for qualities in a man that are not actually their true qualities , for example many women are actually looking for strong men, tough men and men that look good, as well as men that have money. So it feels to me that when we, as women are not being who we truly are, then we are not looking for men to be who they truly are.