For most of my life I have been an emotional wreck, tossed around on a roller-coaster of highs and lows – one moment in the height of ecstasy, the next deep in the dark dungeon of despair – and it was within one of these lows that I found myself in April 2014. Benson, my ex’s dog whom I saw daily, often staying with me, suddenly collapsed and died.
The Passing of Benson and Realising the Mortality of Henry
I sobbed all the way home from the vets and the next week I had to take days off work; I couldn’t hold back my tears. I started getting angry with myself. I had throbbing headaches, my sinuses were screaming at me and my contact lenses were so cloudy with tears I couldn’t see properly.
I looked at my dog Henry and the realisation dawned that I could not possibly continue like this. If I were THIS badly affected over Benson’s death, how on earth would I cope with Henry’s?
At this point I turned to Universal Medicine practitioners for support and guidance because I was frightened by my coping mechanisms. I realised that these had been left unchecked and had become enormously destructive.
I had read the majority of books by Serge Benhayon and welcomed his frankness about life: there is a hard-hitting truth in all that he writes, and it really does make sense! It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.
Henry was my loyal and willing companion, the only being at the time whom I felt to have shown me unconditional love. It’s true to say that in him I had invested my love, my hopes and dreams, and so later that April I felt my future shattered when Henry’s mortality was suddenly realised!
We went to the vet because of a limp, the vet surmising that Henry had cancer in his shoulder that was impeding his movement: I was offered the choice of amputation or euthanasia. Stricken with fear I immediately reacted with amputation – I could not lose him!
And so we were dispatched to a larger practice with an MRI scanner for an accurate diagnosis by an orthopedic surgeon the following morning. She commented later that Henry’s eyes never left me, admiring the bond between us. I had never noticed, just taken us for granted!
That evening Henry’s own vet gently advised that given Henry’s age, his previous surgery and general arthritic condition, Henry’s movement on three legs would be very restricted. There was no doubt that he would survive the operation; in all other manners Henry was incredibly fit and healthy, but now we were looking at life quality.
The flat-coated retriever is known for its exuberance for life, its mischief, and for its love of everyone. Indeed, sharing your life with one is generally accepted as a 24/7 intense relationship!
Assistance is always forthcoming whether searching through cupboards, tying shoelaces or gardening. Gone would be Henry’s reversing skills as he cleverly extricated himself from tight situations; launching onto the sofa, sending cushions flying, charging up and down the stairs, leaping onto my bed and making a nest in my duvet and diving into his basket to retrieve one of his teddy bears.
Letting Go of Attachment and Need
That night I sobbed, and between sobs I realised that I was in a victim vortex that was spinning out of control. I desperately tried to regain some level of composure, to breathe gently, but initially my emotions fought back. As my body began to relax as I surrendered to its shudders I heard the words, palliative care, palliative care. I never listened; they were meaningless words, and cold comfort back then.
Now I understand and I appreciate and recognise the solace that was being offered to me that long and difficult night as the orthopaedic surgeon’s words of palliative care and a regime of pain therapy rang little bells of celebration in my head when I returned to discuss Henry’s diagnosis.
As I settled into a life of administering Henry’s drug therapy, I saw and continued to see and work with esoteric practitioners about my own state of being. In the beginning it was a wrench leaving him for a day as I travelled down to Oxford to see my practitioner, because I wanted to share every day with him. Every moment with Henry was so precious to me at the time, like a clinging child not wanting to leave its mother.
Through the sessions with my practitioner I realised that there was no me in our relationship; that I had delegated my life to Henry and so over time and by my own observations I began to understand my need to have Henry bolstering my life because of my own emptiness.
I had invested so much in this that I was emotionally attached, dependent on Henry utterly. And so, with my esoteric practitioner’s support I was able to work on letting go of this attachment, this need, and to focus on re-building me.
I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself. With this, I began to notice that the more loving choices I made for myself and the more I focussed on my relationship with myself, the more Henry relaxed into his relationship with me and our new life.
Learning to change my life in this way was not always easy, however the commitment was all mine – and learning that the way in which I did things would make a huge difference to the outcome was a massive responsibility.
There was no quick-fix and it was sometimes challenging, but I began seeing some rewards, often just tiny ones, and with the support of Serge Benhayon and my esoteric practitioner I was able to enjoy the remainder of my life together with Henry.
Learning to be Utterly Truthful with Myself
I started not looking around for Henry when I realised that he had been silent for what I felt was too long. I would trust that he was sleeping peacefully.
I began to see my car as mine rather than Henry’s. I started returning home to me rather than to Henry, and I started to make evening plans so that Henry became more my companion rather than my constant and only companion.
I began to realise that there would be a life post-Henry for me.
To begin with it was very hard as I realised how much I needed him to protect me from those things that I didn’t want to do. Staying in with Henry gave me excuses to not venture out as a single person into a seemingly brand new and rather frightening world!
My hardest challenge though, was to learn to be utterly truthful with myself.
In the past I would con myself that things weren’t that bad! Now, I had to be very alert and acknowledge when Henry showed any sign of pain rather than pretend he was okay, because I was still frightened of losing him.
On the surface it seemed so easy to just register that he was in pain and liaise with the vets, but fear would often strike me and my insides would start to writhe with my own anxiety.
And so it was my sense of duty that ruled, forcing me to make the call: but as our routine became easier and as I worked on continuing to make more loving choices for myself, I relaxed, feeling freer to make the call out of love, rather than fear of loss.
And for those remaining months we shared a deeper quality of life.
Henry climbed up the stairs and manoeuvred his forelegs onto my bed so that I could gather his back legs and lift him up and then he would rearrange his blanket where he slept. We had the same arrangement with the car and sofa, but he always managed to climb the stairs on his own.
I admired his resilience and determination, and watching Henry over those last few months I realised that the bond that the surgeon had originally witnessed was one borne of a true love and not the emotional one that had kept us enslaved.
Looking back, Henry had always trusted me. He seemed to know when I was making him feel more comfortable, or even making him better.
A Truer Connection – Love Born of Mutual Trust
That dreadful day when I realised that Henry was in so much pain with his shoulder that he could not climb down the stairs, he waited until I returned with his harness. He worked with me, so together we managed to climb down. From then on he would always wait for me to walk down with him, sometimes wanting me to slip my fingers through his collar first.
We both knew that we could do these things together, and without realising at the time that we now shared a love born of mutual trust. We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement.
Looking back over our last few months when I watched Henry sleeping, when I told him I loved him as I stroked his chest, or even when his excitement grew as his suppertime neared, I felt that lovely warm, comforting glow from my inner heart and not that rush of wringing emotion lower down.
We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.
We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.
We shared a relaxing few weeks together that December: I read, corresponded with Serge Benhayon and my friends or listened to my audios from the Esoteric Medicine series with Henry either lying on the sofa beside me, or sprawled out on his sheepskin rug in front of our open fire. I began to feel a slightly better level of being as the days passed, but then one day I realised that Henry wasn’t quite himself.
His painkillers had increased until his cheeky smile and general zest for life faded: his heart, the biggest most generous and courageous heart I have ever known, grew too tired of life.
A few days later Henry passed over on 6 January 2015, having developed what was suspected to have been another tumor.
A few nights before I lovingly said goodbye to my best friend, after we had enjoyed a wonderfully, peaceful day together during which I held my loving connection to my being and was relaxing in bed, I realised how peacefully Henry was lying across my body, totally relaxed and at one with me; sharing our joy, love, trust and truth. I felt that he too was connected to his own inner-self and I smiled, knowing that he was preparing his body for death; a body that had given its all, but which was now ready to surrender.
With the continued love and support from the many beauty-full people whom I have met over the last few years through Universal Medicine and the unbelievable joy at my first workshops when I rediscovered for the first time in a very long while the true beauty-full me, I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!
By Maggie, Chorley, England
Further Reading:
True Relationships – Being Love First, not Demanding it from Others
Love and Relationship Audio
National dog day – August 26 2105
” the unbelievable joy at my first workshops when I rediscovered for the first time in a very long while the true beauty-full me, I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!” Magic.
The gift of life should be cherished until our last breath and when anything distracts us from our essences / Souls (“deep within”) then “know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!” so we can evolve and respond to life without its distractions.
Animals have a great way of reflecting back to us where we are at and what our energy is really saying. Humans are far more sneaky in showing their feelings.
Hi Maggie, I came looking for your blog again today as one of my pets suddenly died yesterday, it was unexpected and new situation for me. It’s highlighted how much emotional reaction I have still because of my attachments, and that there is more love to be lived in my own life allowing my animal companions more space to make their own choices and to be partners in evolution, but not there solely for me. I can feel from my recent experience that there is more for me to heal and let go of to make way for love. Thank you again.
Hi Melinda, thank you for your appreciation. ❤️
This is the reason why I have chosen to not have another dog yet, because a small part of me would want it to be my companion again. Any new puppy needs to be allowed to grow into a dog and behave like a dog.
I saw this play out recently with our pet ram who we rescued from the butcher’s knife when he was just 10 months or so of age.
Due to circumstances beyond our control he ended up living on his own in our field pending us finding an alternative solution for him. Because I “bucket trained” him at the gate (fed him additional lamb nuts), he became very tame and affectionate, which of course I was more than happy to return.
As he trotted along the fence (in his field) following me as I walked or drove down our driveway; looking out for my return; or even trying to catch my eye if I was in the garden somewhere, I realised that he was metaphorically speaking, turning into a dog.
On realising this, we had him castrated and bought him two ewes to give him his own little flock and to keep him company!
The transformation is remarkable.
All 3 are affectionate and enjoy cuddles and attention, but they’re also sheep who just get on with what sheep do best!
There are no lingering looks in my direction; if they don’t catch my eye, it’s heads-down and on with feeding!
I am getting there and so will you Melinda ❤️
Thank you Maggie, I came looking for your blog today to support me as I have a critically ill pet. I knew I felt emotional which I understand completely, but also that there was a possibility of making steps deeper into love within this all and letting go of attachments. Everything you have shared has been like a warm hug and provided very loving support for me as I make my way through the accepting and letting go process today.
Dearest Melinda, the title of my blog was never altered, other than honouring Henry’s memory by adding his name,, but at the time I didn’t quite appreciate the depth and quality of friendship we shared.
I have grown to appreciate the depth of unconditional love a dog can show us; and in that Henry was my most loving, constantly supportive teacher and in many ways, parent; and I often find myself remembering him when I need a gentle reminder on being more supportive in difficult situations and how I can be unconditional love.
After 45 years Henry found me again.
We first met when I was a toddler and he was a chained-up guard dog. My mum was talking to his owner and I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. The two adults were struck by fear when they saw us together, but we were enjoying our friendship and sharing our love. We were safe and secure.
This is beautiful; ‘I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!’
Reading this I can feel that being attached and not leading our own lives and not putting ourselves first is not supportive for us or those we are in relationship with. I have found that my son has enjoyed being able to make his own decisions and me letting go of being so attached and making life all about him. It feels like there is more freedom, space and joy for both of us without the attachment.
Maggie, this is really beautiful and inspiring to read; ‘We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.’
“in him I had invested my love, my hopes and dreams” when we have an investment we have an attachment to an outcome or a dividend but when we share the love of who we are we offer each other the space to deepen our love for ourselves and others.
This was a very touching story Maggie, and to be honest I never thought someone could develop a true love for themselves and others via their relationship with a dog, but you have shown here that it is certainly something to appreciate. I love how when you let go of that neediness with Henry and started living in greater love for yourself, honouring who you are, that your relationship with him became one of mutual support to grow together.
Relationships that are free of that emotional twisting and churning up inside us and that neediness are very beautiful.
It’s so beautiful how our relationships can deepen and grow when we let go of any neediness, when we become responsible for our emotions and when begin to love and cherish ourselves.
It is so simple when we do not hold onto another’s life as we have conducted our self in such a way that we are feeling complete with every thing that is needed to be said so when whom or what ever has passed-over we can feel that the completion we have had means that we can move on. The same can be said for us completing every day with the understanding that everything that needed to be expressed was so. And then when winding down at the end of the day we feel complete and can completely surrender to a great night of rest-full sleep.
Reading your comment this evening Greg is a very timely reminder. Thank you x
You so powerfully expose the destructive nature of emotional enmeshment that leaves no space for true love. I can’t read your journey without crying but it is also inspiring to feel how your relationship reached a deeper level as you committed to loving yourself and released Henry from that responsibility.
I remember our last weeks together. I was listening to the Living Sutras of the Hierarchy most of the time and enjoying sharing each other’s company… I felt to walk over to him as he was sitting upright looking at me, knelt in front of him and placed my palm on his brisket (breast bone) and told him gently that he also had an inner heart and soul just like me and as I looked up his eyes were so very intense, but gentle. There was a knowing, an understanding. As we held each other’s gaze I realised we shared a very deep connection. It was a beautiful sharing between the two of us.
Loved reading your story again Maggie, especially your last line, ” when I rediscovered for the first time in a very long while the true beauty-full me, I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me! ” such a beautiful and powerful rediscovery.
We can have very needy relationships with our pets, needing something to love and be loved by that is safe and won’t hurt us. But I can see how this stunts our dogs and asks them to take on a role that is not theirs to take.
Absolutely Fiona; I saw how much more relaxed Henry became when I stopped my fussing and looking around for him. Basically learning to ignore him and allowing him the space, or freedom, to live his own life. It was a gift which I was able to offer Henry; and the change I saw in him was remarkable.
Beautiful to re read your blog today how you made the choice to step out of the entanglement of emotional love and need and re discovered true love and an amazing healing for you and your dog in the last months of his life.
I love your ending line – that everything you could ever need in the world is already within you, just waiting for you – what an amazing opportunity we have everyday to discover these riches.
We can learn a lot from our dogs when they are seriously ill, the level of surrender they go into is inspirational for us all to experience and I very much appreciate and cherish this in the last hours we have today with our dog, the amazing service she has done is complete and she goes on and so are we. I read your blog with such a smile on my face Maggie, our dogs can be our friends and teachers at the same time.
Absolutely Annelies, they are beautiful souls, just like us; and if we so chose, they really do help and guide us.
When we let go of the neediness true love can blossom.
Yes it can Mary; though it was with the love and support of Shirley-Ann and Judy that I was eventually able to loosen my neediness. I witnessed the freeing of both of us and it was the sweetest, best experience of my life. Of course, just because I had reached one level of needlessness didn’t mean that from then it was plain sailing; every tiny win, every facet of me that I claim back for me is a deepening; an unpeeling of tougher protection to reveal greater hurts.
There is nothing like reading a story about love. It reminds me of moments of love I have shared. It’s revealing to note when the love becomes a picture and now a self-created investment fed by need and not the moment. If you’ve left the moment of not confirming your love that you are it can quickly become a picture. It’s also worth noting Maggie the difference in feeling your writing when you were writing about love and the emotional need.
It has been a while since I last read this blog yet it holds a timelessness in its quality of sharing a true love story. From emotional love to true love, beautifully written Maggie as you unfold your understanding of what love is and what it is not! Thank you and thank you Henry.
Our relationship with self is so important, to love and care for ourself, rather than seek love, recognition etcetera, from the outside, ‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself.’
It was interesting to read this as I didn’t realise how much people can have a relationship with animals, as you describe, to avoid relating with others. I had never had much of an understanding of this so it gave me an insight into why people become so focused on their pets.
How beautiful it is when we allow the space to be just as we are and then share that love with others, even our furry companions. Simply gold thank you Maggie.
This is a great example of how we can use our pets to fill the emptiness inside of us and how distraught we can be when they pass over.
Our animals can often reflect to us that which are not yet open to feeling within our connections to ourselves and each other
The attachment and conditions we place on emotional love keeps us basically in the dark from the infinite wisdom and lightness of true love.
Maggie thank you for sharing this story, its my second read and I have found it to be so very supportive. Animals support human beings in so many ways, but there comes that time when we realise the dependency is harmful for both sides and that there is that greater love to be lived, which both animal and human benefit from. Thanks for sharing in such detail, it’s a beautiful read
Magic happens when we don’t use our dogs to fill the emptiness inside but support them to be who they are while we deeply care for, love and honour ourselves.
“I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself.” Such a profound realisation Maggie. it is so important to fill ourselves with loving and caring for ourself first. Then we have more love for others – and also less neediness and attachment.
” I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me! ” this is so true and true for every human on this planet , the challenge is to come to this realisation of truth. And as beautifully expressed by you Maggie this is done by letting go of whats not true and letting go of what does not support love in your heart.
Emotional entanglement can come with anything or anyone, food, pets, family we can get lost in the what is not only to find we have been stagnating. To truly evolve we must free ourselves from these attachments and see them for the needs they are.
Yes, that’s the crux of the huge issue Samantha: ‘seeing them for the needs they are’. I have also had emotional entanglements to cars and items that I have saved up for… I realise now that it’s all part of my creating my own creation; and whilst I can now part with some things, I am not wholefully there yet. Realising is one thing, completely surrendering and letting go is a deeper level that I have not yet reached. But I am going there.
I can relate to having an emotionally needy relationship with dogs, as this was the role modeI I grew up with. As I was reading this story, I realised how I had gravitated to my dog as a child to have that steady, unconditional love that I knew was how it was supposed to be, but was not seeing in my home. However I wasn’t being unconditional myself! It was lovely to read the reclaiming of a true friendship and love between you
A beautiful sharing and expression of developing true love for yourself with the intricate loving journey with your very special companion your dog and the love you deepened in both your lives forever.
I love the stillness that your blog emanates after this whole relationship with your dog in which you have experienced such a lot of feelings. Unconditional love and appreciation for what has been lived is what your experience offers to me in the end of all.
A beautiful journey you have been on Maggie, and amazing to see your openness to step outside of the situation and view it from a clear point of view.
It is beautiful to feel how your relationship with Henry expanded as you let go of the neediness that had kept you both so emotionally intertwined. Dogs are such loving reflections from whom we can learn so much about how to be in relationship and allow the other the space to be themselves. Thank you for sharing the joy that is available to us all when we let got of emotional neediness and embrace true love.
My dog sits at my feet, in fact on my feet and I can feel so much in this blog of your relationship with Henry Maggie. I have to watch sometimes, when I feel misunderstood by someone in my house, that I don’t immediately run to my dog to soothE me!
A very beautiful sharing Maggie with powerful lessons about attachment, letting go, entanglement and the true love that is shared when emotions are not involved.
Phew … what a journey! How deeply emotional entanglements can run within us, and how amazing it is to allow and choose to heal ourselves.
What an absolutely beautiful blog to read Maggie, thank you; I loved and resonated with what you expressed here;
”We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement.” What a blessing for you both.
Thank you Maggie for a deeply beautiful and powerful blog, so much you were able to learn and change with the love given to you from Henry and the love you learnt to give to yourself, dogs are there to reflect to us unconditional love, and when you were able to clear away the emotional love, you were able to bring unconditional love to Henry, what a loving service you have given to Henry (and him to you) for his next life.
Yes Shirley-Ann, I agree! With Henry I had a partner who offered me unconditional love which helped me to reciprocate; now I am the one offering what at the moment is inconsistent unconditional love. It is there in between judgement, comparison and expectation.
Yes Kev, I was ‘there’ with Henry; and I remember how upset I was about leaving him for a whole day when seeing my practitioner for the first time. Somehow, leaving him when I went to work was okay, but leaving him behind on a day off was hard. Judy taught me that Henry was walking his own path and that what happened in his life was separate to what happened in mine; and slowly I was able to disentangle us. I could feel us both relax more each day. Not long before he died I was ruffling his chest fur as he was sat upright on the floor and my hand felt his heart-centre where I held it gently for a while, barely rotating my palm anticlockwise and softly told him that he had an inner heart just like me and that he also had a beautiful soul just like me. I looked up into his eyes and saw complete understanding and acceptance. It was the most beautiful sharing and confirmation of the new bond that we had forged between us.
After Benson’s passing I was really frightened of Henry’s, I knew that I wouldn’t be able to cope, but in drawing back from him in an emotional way I was able to recognise his gift of unconditional love to me that I was able to bring into our relationship which freed us both.
I can really get this Maggie as I have an incredible bond with my dog Rox and seriously don’t look forward to the day we part. Rox was there when I stopped the drinking and the partying and my friends at the time quickly fell away, in fact Rox is always there, but we do have to be careful the bond is a healthy one and that we aren’t too co-dependant.
Dogs are wonderful teachers, so accepting of us, loving us just the way we are. Faithful and true champions of unconditional love.
For us to be able to bestow this on our own dogs is the greatest gift, Kev. ❤️🐶❤️
I’ve often thought about having another dog after our family dog passed away many years ago and was with me for the first 22 years of my life. But it is a huge commitment no different to any other one on one relationship, we can learn so much from these relationships be them with a dog or a partner or a child. But what can be quiet obvious in the case of animals is that when we put that relationship into our lives based on emotional needs the quality between human and animal can be compromised and not from true love where each can be themselves without need of the other but enjoying being with one another. At the moment I don’t feel that getting a dog in my current situation would be true love but that doesn’t mean I am lesser without a dog in my life as the relationships that are in my life equally provide challenges, connections and much joy.
I look forward to sharing my life with another dog Leigh. Henry’s greatest gift to me was my recognition and understanding of unconditional love. After many years of distress I was able to reciprocate his unconditional love for me which freed us both from our emotional entanglement. Right now I am practising what I have learned with my partner and whilst I would love to have another dog, we are not yet ready.
Beautiful sharing of true friendship, that which offers another the opportunity to evolve and connect to their inner heart where there is no emptiness or need for another to fill it just simply the fullness of who we are.
How beautiful is honesty, and when we allow the surrender to honesty to play out in our lives, we give space to love to truly endure and that is the key to move forth. Thank you Maggie I love your sharing.
I never tire of reading this, as it reminds me of a family dog we had for many years, who we rescued from the streets of Alabama and brought back to the UK. Over the years she started to trust us and the relationship changed where she became very settled in herself without us imposing our emotions onto her or expecting anything from her. All I would have to do is think about going for a walk and she could feel it and would run over to me all excited, then I would have to follow through.
Reading your blog makes me realize that when there is love present we can deal with anything that life presents to us.
Thank you for sharing this Maggie. When we invest our emotions in any relationship we live in the fear of losing it instead of the joy of the love we share.
Mary, you’ve nailed this; thank you ❤
Yes, so true and we hide in relationships with dogs because they just love us SO much! No judgement, no answering back!
For so many people their pets are their sole connection to the part of them that knows and recognizes love… There is so much healing that is needed in humanity so that we recognize the true depth of the love that is within and around us always and eternally.
Milo and Otis are my three year old Kelpies, they have transformed from anxious and traumatised rescue center dogs to trusting, loving bundles of joy. It’s interesting to observe the changes in them and the relationship we are building. There is no dependency, they are quite settled within themselves and I appreciate the ongoing reflection of healing they have come through and the unconditional love they reflect continually.
I loved reading your blog Maggie, it is evident just how much you loved Henry. What a wonderful awareness when you realised you did not afford yourself the same love; what an amazing learning.
I love having a dog in the house because it is like having nature living in my home which is very special and I find that this helps to keep things in perspective when times can get a bit intense between us as a family.
I agree totally Shami; and right now I am appreciating just what a great teacher Henry was! I realise now that no matter what I did, Henry always loved me and that no matter what he did, I just smiled – really warmly and cleared up the mess! They are masters of unconditional love and he’s now helping me on a daily basis <3
As you say in this blog Maggie “deep with us all is all the love in the world just waiting for us” all we have to do is connect with ourselves and trust enough to share the love we all naturally are.
A beautiful story of the bond your shared and the true healing that took place when you chose to make the relationship about love and not need… and as a result have found a deeper connection with yourself and your own beauty. Gorgeous.
This is such a deeply beautiful sharing. True love is the medicine to life
Letting go of attachment and need; these words of yours Maggie ring in my ears as I reflect on my relationship with my dog. Certainly building a deep connection with myself is the key to letting go of any attachments I have, with the dog, anyone or anything. Thank you for sharing your gorgeous and inspirational story.
This exposes how the majority of humanity are seeking love from the outside and this will never fill up the emptiness within. Developing a deeper relationship with oneself first is primary to enjoying true relationships with others. Only when we are filled from within with the glory of who we are, there are no pockets of emptiness needing relief from others. The Ancient Wisdom Teachings presented by Serge Benhayon have shown me how true this is.
“I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself”.
Thank you Maggie for sharing the beauty of true love unfolding and maturing with your dog Henry.
Hey Maggie, it’s so great you were able to unravel your attachment and give yourself the love and care you deserve. When we do that, there is plenty left over for others.
The unfoldment you describe is really inspirational.
We all have attachments and needs we have invested in, in our lives, whether that is pets, partners, kids, family, work, hobbies and the like. How we are and our relationship with ourselves plays a major role in how we invest and to what degree. When we begin to build a deep connection with ourselves, these investments have an opportunity to not have such a strong hold on parts of our lives.
Just been revisiting our beautiful blog Maggie, and it is really awesome what you have learnt here and been able to put into practice. What a gift for you and Henry and all others, who will read your intimate sharing; thank you.
I have been aware for some time how dogs are sometimes used by their owners to project something about the owner to the world around them. It feels exactly the same as a person who might buy a particular car or wear a particular watch, what it is saying is ‘I do not feel whole and complete as I am and so by placing emphasis on things, I, myself feel more complete’.
Imagine if we as a race dedicated the care and attention we show to our pets to ourselves. What if instead of focusing on an animal that follows us everywhere we go, we connected to appreciation, of ourselves? What if this self-loving soulful way became our new faithful companion, ever trustingly by our side? Then as you beautifully show Maggie, its like as the emptiness gradually passes away, our body and life can naturally flow and trust and true understanding emerges.
A really honest blog with how you were feeling. A lot of people invest in their pets, especially dogs emotionally and as you have shared this is harming for both the owner and dog. With true love there is not an ounce of emotion but there is tenderness and care. What you have said about Serge Benhayon’s purple books is spot on ‘It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.’
What a gorgeous learning Henry offered, very beautiful.
It’s clear how much you loved Henry from your writing. And how important it was for you to have this experience – we cannot rely on anyone, animal or human, for love as we must love ourselves first.
When we first got our dog, I had no idea of the level of responsibility for this being of nature that was required, because he has so much to learn about being a member of the group, but in showing him the boundaries of life I have been able to learn about them too. Ours has turned in to a mutual relationship of trust and evolution and as such is a very special gift.
There is something about the connection we can have with dogs that is just so gorgeous. They represent an openness and a love that is a possible way for all of us to be. We can feel it and so we respond in kind. What a wonderful model for what is also possible in relationships between humans.
Having a dog is a truly wonderful experience. My initial reason for having a dog was from need but over time I did learn a lot and something I learnt was that we can bring enormous healing and an opportunity for evolution to them when we let go of the neediness and deal with our own hurts that are undealt with, fuelling the neediness towards a dog.
I’m on holiday at the moment and I’d be lying if I said I don’t miss my dog. She normally goes everywhere with me and we have a very close bond. I know it must have been a tough old journey in the end with Henry but it looks like he was here to teach you some really important stuff.
Yes Kevin, it was hard for me detaching myself from my own entanglement with Henry, but seeing him relax more as he found more freedom was rewarding, but also inspiring! He is inspiring me still and I am very grateful to Shirley Ann and Judy for the support they offered me in the early days.
I too would be lying if I said that I don’t miss Henry: he has been a huge part of my life ; he has contributed so much to my own freedom to love honestly. We accomplished a lot between us during our last few weeks together; and for that I hold much appreciation and love ❤
“I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!” What a difference this makes. Without this awareness of course we are going to be needy of love from anything or anyone else. As long as we look outside of ourselves for love we remain needy. To connect to our love deep within and then to share it is totally different and totally amazing.
Great to hear that you set each other free from the emotional entanglement. Need always feels horrible from whatever angle, ‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself’.
It is inspiring to read how the honesty with yourself brought a healing for you and your dog and then possibly rippling out further to others in writing this blog – thank you Maggie.
Maggie- thank you for sharing honestly and openly about your deep attachment to your dog, coming from a need, and highlighting a lack of connection with self. How awesome, with the help of esoteric practitioners, you were able to change the relationship with you dog to be a more supportive one, and deepen your relationship with yourself.
I can really relate to your blog Maggie, but my need for love came from a Burmese cat that I had for 18 and a half years. I too realized the reason I bought her, which I claimed was for my children but it was for my own need for love having recently had a long term relationship split. Then a couple of years before she passed, I realized my need for that love and was able to let go of that emotional attachment. So when she was ready to pass, I was totally fine with it all. And since then I don’t have that same pull towards cats that I had before.
Thank you Maggie for being so open about your attachment to your dog – this is a subject which I am sure many vets are more than familiar with. Having grown up with many dogs and my parents continued to own a dog until they died it has also been my observation to see the same attachment with my own mother, and how difficult it was for her to let go.
Your ability to let go of your need to have Henry in your life is inspiring Maggie and one that many could learn from. Having a family pet is exactly like having another member of the family, and losing them can be a difficult process, but when we are able to let go of any attachment to them, it makes their passing a whole lot easier. Thankyou for sharing your experience.
What a beautiful sharing, I am sure there are elements in all of us who have placed need or expectation onto another, an animal or situation. We all have played the victim role at some point in life. The fact that you sought help and began to get really honest with yourself is truly fantastic.
Needing or depending on another for the love we aren’t willing to give ourselves for me always ends up in the deterioration of a relationship and the resentment and frustration that builds up. Every step away back towards honoring and loving myself naturally re-builds all of my relationships.
Rereading your blog Maggie is such a joy and a great inspiration; I so very much appreciate your honesty. When I ponder the relationship I have with my dog I am reminded of the evolution and level of responsibility I have to myself first and foremost, thus flowing to my dog, and indeed to all life.
A profound blog that has resonance for all relationships. You describe a truly beautiful process of evolution both together and separately and what stays with me most is the realisation you offer that our lives are our own journeys and not intertwined.
Your relationship with your dog presented you with the blessing of beautiful healing that with the support of your sessions you were able to unpack and share with humanity. thanks Maggie.
I have returned again to your blog Maggie. As I read it this time, it reminded me again of my last few months and weeks with my 2 dogs Rosie and Charlie who died 18 months apart. It was such a beautiful time and I got to see and feel the grace with which they both lived their last days. They knew what was coming and they surrendered to it. It taught me a whole lot about surrender, grace and tenderness.
I always wondered how I would know when the time was right to make the loving choice to have my dogs put down. I had a fear that I wouldn’t know and that they would suffer in pain. But I did know, with both of them. When I was willing to see and accept where they were at, they both just let go and their condition deteriorated within 24 hours – severely so. They can sense where we are at. They both knew when I’d accepted that it was time, and they literally let go in their bodies so that it was so obvious that it was time. The process was so very gracious and quite beautiful and their was no grieving for a life lost, but much joy at a life lived in full and to be celebrated.
When I got my dogs in my mid 30s, I was very aware that this was a cushion, an emotional decision because I wanted children and didn’t have them. I told myself that they would be good practice for when I did. It was only when I got involved in the work of Universal Medicine that I was able to really look at this need and I began to treat my dogs as beloved dogs but not as surrogate children. The change in them was remarkable over time. Their behaviour changed, they were more settled and they could just be dogs and not have the burden of the imposition from me to be more.
Dogs are amazing, they teach us so much. The great thing is that you were being honest about what was occurring for you. We can face and get through any situation in life if we accept what is occurring and be honest about it.
Need can be over-consuming and very destructive. It puts a block on love and stops connection with others. Need feels very sticky and tries to grab (it can be suffocating) you whereas love leaves you to be, giving you space.
I love the open and honest way you write Maggie, I too know what its like to have a very close bond with a dog, you will have to meet my dog Roxy, who is ten now so getting on in years but still acts like a puppy at times. This is a very moving story Maggie thanks for sharing it.
Hi Kevin, I do love writing; it really does help me to understand and appreciate situations and as I am trying to explain things/events/reactions to myself I find that I am innately going deeper within myself for answers. On reflection, I did this at primary school all those years ago . I would love to meet Roxy, she sounds adorable and benefitting from her freedom to be a beautiful dog, full of honesty and unconditional love ❤ .
This is lovely to read about, and so important in any relationship, ‘We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.’
Just reading your blog again Maggie, it is such a beautiful and honest sharing and will be a huge inspiration for many who will get to read this, thank you for sharing.
The support from Students of The Livingness along with Serge Benhayon as far as I can see from what you have shared is how true love can bring healing to humanity. This is a great blog Maggie that we can all learn from!
Great call Maggie, ‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself’. Which brings it back to responsibility, and being, building that love with ourselves first.
It is truly a great realisation that Maggie came to and what a life changer it proved to be. This is so inspiring…
This is a very important learning and one that really can change our lives too “I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself. ” When we allow ourselves to love ourselves truly and be the love we are by building this love in our bodies with every single movement and thing we do it allows us an amazing feeling inside and fills any emptiness we may have felt .We can build a consistency of love as a way of being and our love becomes unconditional with everyone. Dogs are an amazing reflection to us of unconditional love and show us this being always there and forgiving and open and an amazing companion and learning for us all. A very beautiful blog and sharing Maggie thank you.
Yesterday I had the loveliest interaction with a dog at the market which led to an equally lovely interaction with his human. The dog, Fred (to protect his privacy) was at a market stall I go to each week – he was super calm, loved a pat and some interaction with me. His human, Frank (not his real name!) and I struck up a conversation and I felt how super tender and loving this man is, but isn’t able to express towards humans. When it comes to Fred, he is a mushball. Yes it’s emotional, but it is more than that. It feels like Fred has a way to allow Frank to open up and express love. Frank confided something to me that confirmed this. Fred is a loyal companion for this man and and Fred knows it – following him around and staying by his side. I contemplated that perhaps in this life, Fred is what Frank needs to help him open up and trust love again.
When relationships trigger emotional reactions that drain me or take me away from feeling clear and strong (connected to myself and my own power), I know that something is wrong. I have chosen to give my power to another’s view, pain, reaction, criticism etc. Knowing this is such a blessing because I can then choose to claim myself back. You have claimed yourself Maggie!
What if relationships are an opportunity to reflect the love we are and the neediness shows us where we are yet to be aware of our own love first?
‘We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.’ A beautiful realisation Maggie, when we lose our attachment we free ourselves up for greater Love.
Love this too Jenny – “… when we lose our attachment we free ourselves up for greater Love.” And it’s so awesome when we start to experience this.
Our relationships with our animals are very often based on an attachment – the love from a dog is so pure and unconditional that it is easier to turn to and rely on than to face the difficulties of forming truly loving relationships with human beings. But dealing with this allows space for the relationship with our dogs to grow and change – they can be them and we don’t need anything
This is beautiful to read about Maggie, and makes so much sense, ‘the more loving choices I made for myself and the more I focussed on my relationship with myself, the more Henry relaxed into his relationship with me and our new life.’
And we can transfer that into all areas of our lives where relationships are concerned, be it with other people or pets or aninmals.
‘We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.’ …. what an awesome gift Henry left you with that you are now able to take to all your relationships, whilst still treasuring him in your heart, always.
Dogs offer a wonderful reflection for consistency and playfulness. They always greet us with love in their own unique and joyful way.
What I have come to see is that we have a responsibility in all relationships to step back and say ‘am I needing anything out of this and am I emotionally attached’ – we don’t ever do this enough and it is so important, no matter who the relationship is with (an animal or a person or even food or TV) I know I used horses and dogs to make me feel better when I was younger = but this was so draining on me and I am sure on them!
What an opportunity we now have to be honest with where we are at in relationships and free ourselves from all the attachment and emotion that can come with them.
When we’re looking for someone else to fill a void inside us, we’re actually choosing not to honour who we are which lays us open to attracting an ‘unhealthy’ match leading to a roller coaster relationship, which is very harmful to both parties. When we live in connection to who we innately are, the law of attraction works it’s magic and we will meet someone we can love and evolve with.
‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself’, you’re not alone there Maggie. As soon as I understood what it actually meant to ‘love myself’ and started allowing myself to do so, my relationships completely changed. Feeling the love from within meant I didn’t need anything from anyone, of course, at times I may wobble a little and then it’s awesome to talk things through with someone. The love we all have nestled deep inside is a constant that’s always there for us, unconditionally so, it’s our foundation, something we can trust and rely on whatever life throws at us. It will keep us steady in the roughest of seas.
I absolutely loved reading about your evolving relationship with Henry – what a beautiful teacher he was and how fitting that you were able to show him true love in those last weeks, not emotional pandering or neediness but an absolute honouring of him and the very special relationship that you’d developed together.
‘It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.’ – well said, Maggie, this is love. It’s not helping anyone to ‘pander’, you allow the person to continue to wallow in their emotion whilst confirming that’s it’s ok to do so.
I love coming back to this blog. There is something so lovely about your relationship with Henry, and it shows us all how a relationship of need can indeed be turned into a truly loving relationship, whether with dog or human. The connection between you feels absolutely gorgeous and your love is absolutely huge. Thank you so much for sharing.
You nailed it Rebecca – ‘it shows us all how a relationship of need can indeed be turned into a truly loving relationship.’ And what an important lesson to share with the world, Maggie. No doubt there are many people in the world who have needy relationships – amazing to have found your way back to love.
Re reading your sharing Maggie I can only say it is a wonderful lesson in true love for us all. We learn so much from our pets about ourselves and life . Thank you once again for this beautiful sharing.
Thank you for sharing such a personal and intimate experience Maggie, and how inspiring that through your own healing Henry received the healing that supported him as he passed over. Beautiful and so simple.
What strikes me in reading your blog Maggie, is the absolute respect and full appreciation you held Henry in. To experience this is absolutely golden, and the hallmark of one whose heart holds a great capacity for love. In building our relationship with self, it’s important to truly take stock of, and appreciate such a deep capacity, and how willing one is to reveal and work through any emptiness/neediness within.
I don’t feel that we acknowledge such willingness, in the face of what we meet in life and our relationships – and truly appreciate our own steps to healing as being worth the gold that they are. It’s all to easy to feel we need to be ‘more’…
This is such a deeply personal experience to share Maggie. Thank-you for doing so, so very openly.
There’s actually no ‘end point’ to any relationship, is there… And in all of our relationships in life, we have the opportunity to learn – and learn a great deal, as you have done. That is, if we are willing – willing to see our own needs, dependencies, and through the reflection of our relationships with others, be offered the opportunity to go deeper in our relationship with ourselves.
There is such a true richness of love to be lived, when we let go the need for another to ‘complete us’, as is so often said.
Living with a dog is like living with a human – you know each other inside out. The safety of not being judged or rejected by a dog allows many to be less protected and more open to sharing them self. That is of purpose but only when we don´t keep it there but bring it into our relationships with people.
Beautifully said Alex, I can relate to your point. As a child who would often speak to our cat, the feeling of not being judged allowed me to open up and say exactly what I was feeling. But as you rightly point out, it’s important to bring this openness to all of our relationships.
Unconditional love is the lesson we can learn with a dog to live it with people equally. To reserve one´s trust and love for an animal but not live it with people means to not love at all.
Letting go of attachment and need is the most incredibly freeing choice and allows the space for choices of True Love and honouring of ourselves.
It is a unique experience to feel loved back by an animal. This is a rare thing to experience in the animal kingdom.
It is interesting to read that once you started to love yourself rather than depend on the external, in this case Henry, to bring it to you, then the unstoppable grief transformed into a deeper more equal relationship, and Henry’s passing was peaceful. It shows how our emotions reveal that there is something deeper to explore in ourselves, as we are not with ourselves. Maggie this is a wonderful & inspiring story.
What a beautiful bond you had with your dog Maggie, especially when you developed your love and care of yourself so that you no longer were dependent on him. By taking responsibility for our own love and nurturing we set ourselves and others free to share love from a deeper and more respectful space.
“I was frightened by my coping mechanisms. I realised that these had been left unchecked and had become enormously destructive.” This feels like the moment you began to break through Maggie. Becoming aware of your coping mechanisms and realising that they were not the you that was observing them, opened up all the opportunities to choose to become and live your true self.
Yes Susan, I remember several pangs of anxiety in past relationships too; but now I am becoming more sensitive and it’s incredible where anxiousness creeps in! I watched all of the Wimbledon Championships with remarkable ease until the final when I slowly became aware of that old familiar knot in my stomach and realised that it was ANXIETY. I would never have realised that earlier! I recollected my self with a gentler posture and continued to enjoy the tennis!
I agree with your every word, thank you Mary; I just love dogs!
I think we can all relate to being in toxic co-dependent relationships to varying degrees where we lose ourselves and seek someone else to fill our emptiness. For me it wasn’t until I discovered Serge Benhayon and his presentations of the Ageless Wisdom I had any idea who I even was let alone know how to connect deeply with myself and my sacred femaleness the tender fragile woman that I am and to feel complete with my own in my own self-love.
Absolutely Michelle! I read several books by Jan Fennell, a dog listener, and she transformed my view of dogs and their standing in the family home. Her DVD was very informative! I love how dogs show no judgement and are completely truthful with us: we know exactly where we are with them. If I felt out of sorts, stroking Henry would restore my balance and I love the love and support that they offer to the blind and the elderly when they are taken into nursing homes.
As a dog owner I can so relate with this article, my dog Jet has also been my best friend and has also offered me an insightful reflection along with loyalty and true love. Thanks for revealing how amazing dogs are
Love of another is wonderful, but needing them to fill our emptiness will never bring true joy. A great development on offer for us all when we are willing to be honest with ourselves.
‘I began to understand my need to have Henry bolstering my life because of my own emptiness.’ This is a profound revelation to have and is also relevant for those with pets or without… just add in a need for a partner and or children, or friendships and it is the same. There is a difference between being in a relationship to fill a gap and being emotionally dependent on it to feeling content and stable within ourselves and bringing that to a relationship.
A beautiful testimony to Henry and the power of relationships. Thank you for sharing this incredibly precious process and the forever expanding connection we have with life when we are humble enough to learn.
This is a great example Maggie of how much pressure we put on our pets to be our everything because we are unwilling to do that for ourselves. Hats off to you for recognising this and then choosing to just be with your best friend and companion.
Thank you Maggie and all commenters to this blog. I’ve never had a pet or or fully understood the bond between man woman and dog. As a child and adult bitten by a dog and lived in fear of them for years. The TV Programme ‘Dog Whisperer’ transformed my understanding of dogs and their relationship with human beings. Through this programme and my friend’s pet dog, Roxy, I began to lose my fear of dogs. I remember well the day this friend came to my home, with Roxy and he came to where I sat, lay at my feet and looked up at me in such a loving way, my heart simply melted. I can see how dogs are a reflection of unconditional love.
Maggie you let us feel how it is possible to change conditional love into unconditional love . . . thank you for not holding back your experience with it.
I can see how sometimes people find it easier to be in loving relationships with animals more than people, especially after being hurt emotionally or even physically in human relationships. But what stood out for me while reading Maggie’s story is how she was able to use her relationship with her dog to actually heal a pattern of co-dependence that would potentially effect all her other human relationships. However, only through deep honesty was this possible, just as in any true healing.
This story about the mutual love between a person and a dog is great because it breaks down the personal interpretation of love and shows how true love really is healing and an agent of change within all our relationships.
Maggie that is great to hear, something I have found is the less attached and needy I am of someone the more I actually feel the love for them. It is completely different when you need the person or thing.
Dogs are amazing at rebuilding our trust in love. Unfortunately many of us stop there and save all our sweetness and loveliness for our dogs, meanwhile the rest of humanity misses out. I now can see that our relationship with our dogs can be a way of hiding away from the world and not letting people feel or see the loveliness we are. We need to appreciate all the relationship with our dogs offers, but not use them as a crutch or excuse for not connecting with people.
Many dogs show me what true selflessness and consistency is about. They are loving in every moment of every day, they greet you with the same enthusiasm if you have been out for 10 minutes or 10 hours and they do not judge how you are. This has been an amazing refection to see in my life and now instead of just using it to fill myself, I see it as a reflection of how we can be in life.
Yes, dogs are great teachers when it comes to living life without judgement.
More and more I am seeing dogs taking on the excess emotional baggage of the owners. I was recently wondering what our rates of illness and disease, which is already out of control, would be if we didn’t have pets
What a gorgeous story to read this morning. I have lived with dogs for most of my life and had a similar relationship with them. They were the ones that you could trust to love you unconditionally and to fill up all those empty spaces within myself. I thought nothing of this until a few years ago when I realised how needy this relationship was, and how imposing it was on my dog. I had watched how different he was being minded by a friend who didn’t need anything from him but appreciated his qualities. When staying with her, my dog became very calm, settled and solid within himself. I realised what a disservice our relationship was for him.
This is a beautiful blog, Maggie. It brought tears to my eyes as I felt the special bond between you and Henry. What a beautifully honouring relationship you had towards the end. It’s so important for us to realise how needy emotional love can be and how much more space and honouring can be created when we connect to ourselves and the innate love that we are within first.
Dogs rock! They do say that a dog is a man’s best friend. This is to me because of their unconditional love. And like with all sentient beings, any relationship with another offers us an opportunity for growth.
‘At this point I turned to Universal Medicine practitioners for support and guidance because I was frightened by my coping mechanisms. I realised that these had been left unchecked and had become enormously destructive.’ – How different life can be when we take responsibility for our own health and wellbeing, and reach out for support like you did in this case.
Wow Maggie, this is a profound transformation, and such an important journey to have documented for others. I will be sure to remember it for when someone I know is struggling with facing the loss of a dearly loved pet, thank you.
It was not until our family dog died (two of them, a month apart) , did we then get a full ‘down-pour’ of the absolute blessing it was to have them share our lives for so many years. The space they had occupied in physical form, was left with the abundance of love that I did not recognise when they were alive. And then this deepened and offered huge appreciation and understanding about life and all relationships.
In my 20s and living abroad I had a puppy who I fell in love with. Sadly he got Parvovirus- probably due to my and then partner’s irresponsibility of taking him out too soon after vaccination. I couldn’t bear that he would die because of me. I couldn’t bear the connection we had no longer being there. So I opted for medication to keep him alive rather than having him put down. He died after a long week of suffering. He died when a friend briefly looked after him – my neediness wasn’t asking him to stay alive. I wasn’t greatly informed but my neediness blinded me and he suffered greatly through my choosing to not let go.
The picture of this dog is enough to make me melt. We are capable of feeling so much love, and animals tend to bring this out of us. Dogs are good teachers in unconditional love.
“I started returning home to me rather than to Henry, ” Yes it is so important in any relationship to always keep coming home to ourselves too. It is sometimes very tempting to let anyone else solve my problems and be there for me, but there will then always be something missing inside me. I love the words coming home to yourself feels beautiful.
Death is part of love.
‘We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.’ This is beautiful Maggie and testament to what true relationships are all about.
Wether our relationships are with our furry friends or non furry friends it is equally a learning and loving experience that alters our lives in truly amazing ways. When we let go our our needs and control we surrender to honesty and intimacy, it’s a learning free for all. Thank you Maggie .
‘My hardest challenge was to learn to be utterly truthful with myself’ – so often we kid ourselves with what we want to see rather than what is actually real and true. What I’m feeling is the harm that ensues when we do this – we think we’re doing it for the best of ourselves, or others, but actually it’s based on a need to have things a certain way so that we feel okay about ourselves, out of need and not out of love. Great to read how you realised this about yourself, and from that place were able to deal with your stuff and let go of your attachments and need, creating space for a truly loving relationship.
“I began to see my car as mine rather than Henry’s. I started returning home to me rather than to Henry” – so poignant Maggie, and so subtle too to realise just how much we do give of ourselves to someone else be that a pet, or a partner. When we take back this ownership, is like we take back our energy supply again … and with increased energy there is an increase in true joy purely because we now have the self-fuelled energy to sustain it, as opposed the otherwise drained-ness that causes a depressing and a depression, literally.. and where there is depression there is always need(iness).
This ownership of self is hugely important. Like you say it comes with its own energy supply having dumped the drains and needs of living for someone or something else. This has huge repercussions all around us and this can only be a good thing.
A very beautiful story Maggie, deeply felt. And the journey of how you came back to you – gorgeous. ‘ I rediscovered for the first time in a very long while the true beauty-full me, I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!’
‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself.’ How often have we fallen for this one ourselves? I know I have in the past and yet even at the time there was a feeling that something wasn’t quite right, a feeling that there had to be more. What I have learned with the support of esoteric practitioners and Universal Medicine is that ‘the more’ is returning to our own love that allows us to have loving relationships void of need.
“I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!” This says it all Maggie. And beautiful Henry showed you that reflection. How gorgeous is your story of True Love.
“We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.” It is so wonderful that you have reached this level of communication and connection and with an animal. It is disturbing to feel that in this day and age many people don’t even get to express this level of love with another human being. Dogs teach us so much. They are incredible gifts to humanity.
What you share is another profound example on how deeply important our day to day choices are.
’I knew that this reaction was not okay but couldn’t seem to stop myself from slipping into a pattern of anger, frustration and resentment towards this person and how I believed he was negatively affecting my relationship with my sister.’ – I love how you started to look at your own behaviour and brought yourself out of the victimhood, and then came to realize what was actually being offered to you.
This blog is so needed due to the relationships we have with our pets and in a way put pressure on them to be everything we need from life but are not willing to give to ourselves. Reading this really brings home the level of emotion vets must experience when a client brings in their beloved pet to be put to sleep.
What I see in this blog is the journey we all make from destructive coping mechanisms back to living ways of self-love.
I remember the relationship I had with my cat when I was growing up. She was my companion at the time. It as a very close bond. It’s amazing the depth of connection we can have with our pets.
Our relationships with animals are no different to humans and we can learn so much from them. I am deeply inspired whenever I read a story about how a relationship has evolved when true love is the focus and Maggie’s story is no exception. Thank you Maggie for sharing.
Whether it is a pet, partner, family member or friend, when we realise there is an attachment because of our own emptiness we have a choice to heal. Being absolutely honest with myself and becoming aware of any attachment relying on another to bring love to me is one of the first steps to healing myself and therefore having true love in my relationships.
You know Maggie, i love the way that Henry responded so favourably and naturally to your changing ways of self-love, with the grace that he showed you in regards his actions (waiting for you at the stairs that time) that allowed mutual trust and respect: “We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement”. Your relationship with Henry became one of equals as opposed to one of ‘top dog’ (!)
What a heartfelt and honest post Maggie — ” I began to understand my need to have Henry bolstering my life because of my own emptiness” – from attachment and need, to letting go for true love… So beautiful that you had the insight and opportunity to deal with this, and with it set a new way for all your relationships human and the pet kind too.
A beautiful sharing on how allowing space in any of our relationships allows everyone to bloom. That is truly inspiring and takes the neediness out of the equation and brings it back to responsibility in all connections. Thank you Maggie.
This is a fabulous story expressing the difference between an emotionally dependent relationship which is the type we tend to have and one without that attachment. I love how as a result of enlisting support to let go of what prompted this dependency, you and Henry had a deeper connection towards the end of his life and the sharing of your time together is gorgeous to read.
It is so inspiring to read about people finding a truer way to be in relationship, the genuine love, trust, connection, evolution.
This is such a generous blog Maggie, you have shared openly and honestly with no judgement of yourself, it has been very touching to read.
That is quite an incredible turn around Maggie, because as you say so often we expect our pets to fill an emptiness within us that is really our responsibility to look after and very few people are willing to admit it. It is very inspiring to read how you realised this and picked up your responsibility to address your neediness and transform your relationship with Henry. The joy of this blog though is that we can really apply the lesson to all the relationships we have in our lives, whether they be with pets, children, partners, relatives or friends. Relationships built on neediness are void of true love, truly loving relationships begin with us loving ourselves first and then our love naturally flows with others, which as you say allows everyone space to be who they are and develops a strong foundation of trust and care that supports everyone concerned all the way.
“Indeed, sharing your life with one is generally accepted as a 24/7 intense relationship!” Intense relationships based on love and evolving I’m all for. These opportunities we usually pass on by because it hurts too much, we blame, and we don’t see the beauty and appreciate the amazing opportunity to go deeper through responsibility. There is always more to see and heal through the power of love, evolution and truth.
Gosh Maggie – what an amazing blog. I love this line – ‘we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined’, that’s got to be one of the keys to all relationships, we’re all here to evolve and all at different places on our own evolutionary path, and our commitment in life always has to be to that first and foremost…. and it’s a truly beautiful way to live.
Maggie this single sentence is dynamite ‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself’, as so many of us look elsewhere for the love that we are missing. We do not need to be told that love is missing because love is who we all are, therefore to not live the love that we are causes an emptiness in us all. I think that even when we’re happy, deep down we’re actually grieving ourselves.
Maggie what you have shared about Serge Benhayon’s books ‘It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right’ is so true. Things that pander to emotions simply add dampness to dampness, thereby creating the perfect environment for mould. Serge Benhayon presents the fiery truth, which dries out the dampness and restores things back to their original fiery nature.
Maggie having just read your incredible tale about your relationship with Henry, it is quite extraordinary to consider that your relationship with him was so much deeper and more intimate than so many human relationships.
“We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.”
This is a beautiful example of true relationship and how it can naturally unfold once we make the commitment to heal and develop ourselves first.
Thank you Maggie for sharing your journey with Henry and the beautiful lesson you learned about the true meaning of unconditional love.
It never fails to amaze me the bond we can have with our pets and how much they can mean to us. It sounds like you learnt a lot through the whole experience Maggie and came out a more loving together person.
I have also been emotionally attached to my pets, feeling a need for them to fill the emptiness or smooth the emotional turmoil within. They have also provided a reflection of something pure, innocent and loving in an often harsh, given up and uncaring world. I’ve also known people who have been in long term reaction to a pet loss and not been able to own another pet – it just felt too painful for them. What this blog offers is an opportunity to be in connection with animals beyond need, and still face with love their physical death and move on.
Hi Melinda, yes; I was utterly distraught when my Burmese cat died. She’d lived with diabetes 2 for over 5 years and no matter how many cats I looked at, I couldn’t have another back then. We were on holiday with her at the time, when I realised that she was unwell and by the end of the week I had put on so much weight (1½ st) that I had to wear my husband’s shorts! It took many years to reduce my weight. She saw me through some pretty horrific times, including bullying at work. Back then the world was a very cruel placeto me and she offered me comfort and security; I otherwise felt very alone.
“It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.” This has been my experience that Serge Benhayon has never pandered to any situation I have been in and one situation was particularly difficult and I was used to getting a certain response from people, sympathy, empathy but with Serge I got the energetic facts about the situation and a loving firmness of what was true; he was loving, truly loving and it was the first time in my life and it was like being released from emotional hooking, it really was a revelation and was so simple and matter of a fact, it cleared the trauma where I had been in therapy for years over the incident.
Serge’s qualities are amazing; and so very refreshing to hear.
I see emotions and our ideals and beliefs as velcro strips that constantly seem to snare us no matter how nuch we think we are doing the right thing; they are just there ready for the slightest opening from us.
Serge teases open the velcro that enshrines us so we have a glimpse of how life can be and offers us the tools by which we can free ourselves.
But our qualities are just as amazing as Serge’s, it is down to us whether we choose to become ensnared by the velcro again!
And your understanding in the end of what is love and what is attachment, and how you were able to truly connect with Henry is just awesome. Thank you for letting us have part of this – you have given Henry a beautiful way to be remembered, and he in turn ( as yourself of course) offers such healing through you telling how it all unfolded for the both of you, thank you.
Your sharing is such an inspiration for many others I feel, as there are heaps of people that will have loved a pet and had to let go of them when the time came. As this often can be quite traumatic for people, your insights and journey can offer such healing – a true inspiration – and we all can benefit from your truthful and very honest expression of all that you felt and the learning you gained.
What a blessing really Maggie that you had an opportunity and the support to really appreciate your dog and deepen your relationship with him before he passed away.
I agree with you whole-heartedly thank you Andrew. Henry offered me more than I could possibly imagine back then. I had always considered him special; but he was my gift to me to bring love back to me; and this he did in such a very tender and beautiful way. Our last few weeks together were just so intimate; so very beautiful and wholesome.
Wow Maggie you have captured the essence of true love in your blog.
Thank you Andrew <3
Yours is a delicate and beautiful story Maggie, thank you for taking the time to write and share it. Any true bond with another that gifts us with the space you mentioned is a truly loving and compassionate one, due to the understanding we hold of each other. There is a great big difference between this and the emotional love we can become entangled with that leaves us feeling no space and only a neediness or emptiness at the end of the day.
Very true Cherise; and thank you <3
Isn’t it astonishing that we miss so much in life when we get caught up in the busy-ness and emotional dramas – and how awesome when someone can give us a pointer to something different like the vet did for you Maggie – ““She commented later that Henry’s eyes never left me, admiring the bond between us. I had never noticed, just taken us for granted!” We can take that impulse and reconnect and start to become more present in our daily lives to these for sure abundant moments ….
It is so good to know and hear about it time and again that underneath all our ‘stuff’ is still that pure essence and the possibility to connect to that is always there for us.
A beautiful and loving sharing Maggie, and how good is it that you were able to work towards this new way of being with your self and Henry, thank you for letting us be part of your honest and loving expression.
This shows how we forget ourselves when we start to attach love to a certain person (or dog), we don’t notice the true beauty of ourselves and the other, as there is this constant fear of losing it what we think we don’t have when we are on our own. But what a false idea is that, it is so much more beautiful to be loving with ourselves, and relate to others from that.
How beautiful Maggie that as you deepened your love for yourself it reflected in the deepening love between you and your beloved Henry.
Wow I am deeply touched by the story of love, trust and companionship between you and Henry and the level of honouring and appreciation with which you shared about your relationship brought tears to my eyes. This is a gorgeous reflection of the quality of relationships we can all have in our lives, with faithful friends such as Henry, or with people. Thank you.
Thank-you for expressing your love for Henry so openly Maggie, and as for Henry’s love for you , the photo says it all.
Gosh Maggie, to read about how you and Henry healed one another, the space you opened up for each other and the love that came pouring through is beautiful to read and to know that through your gradual disentanglement Henry was able to leave the door wide open to your life beyond each other.
“I started not looking around for Henry when I realised that he had been silent for what I felt was too long. I would trust that he was sleeping peacefully.
I began to see my car as mine rather than Henry’s. I started returning home to me rather than to Henry, and I started to make evening plans so that Henry became more my companion rather than my constant and only companion.”
Beautiful details Maggie, that brilliantly describes the miracle of self love.
“Learning to change my life in this way was not always easy, however the commitment was all mine”
When we begin to feel the ripple effects of our commitment, our sense of purpose gets charged up and with this our potential is released.
“She commented later that Henry’s eyes never left me, admiring the bond between us. I had never noticed, just taken us for granted!” There is so much we miss when we do not care for ourselves, without the anchor of self love we become swept into the business and function of life, blind to the galactic love that surrounds us.
I feel it’s one of the greatest stops in life when you loose someone you know and love – what it brings is more love out that should have been there in the first place.
A gorgeous story of letting go of relying on another to bring you the love you were unwilling to give yourself and in doing so freeing yourself from the entanglement of attachment to leave the beauty of the connection your shared. A pleasure to read.
Wow, it would be easy to get lost in the sadness of how we give our power away to others, be they people or pets and miss the amazing choice to begin to love oneself as Maggie did here. Instead it feels important to appreciate that at any point in our lives we can return to loving ourselves and feeling complete in our lives.
I feel Simon, that generally there’s something in the human psyche that something has to go really wrong, or the same scenario repeated over and over again, before we wake up.
Before we start questioning WHY our life is like THIS; what is all this drudgery all about?
… and then we are faced with the choice: to go back into comforting denial (buy a new TV, a car, a new pair of shoes, a handbag, or even ipad or iphone; or wake up to some unknown, scary new beginning!
Even though we do know somewhere that we live on after the physical passing, when we come to face to face with the realization of mortality we get shaken up. We start picturing what it would be like not to have the tangible sense of connection with that person and relationship of physicality – and you show us beautifully how that could be the time when we can learn to be honest about our neediness and emotional attachment that we have mistakenly believed to be love, and start living what true love is about.
‘Knowing that he was preparing his body for death’ it’s amazing that the end of life we know what is going to happen. A friend of mine who passed away a number of years ago had been very unwell and in bed for some time but had a moment of being more present and called a number of us around his bedside to be with him one evening before passing over the next day.
I know that it is common for people and pets to grow so close that it becomes a blurry emotional line of what is love and what is attachment but how you slowly and lovingly allowed yourself to unfold this was truly beautiful to read, thank you for sharing your story and sharing the memory of Henry with us all.
Dogs offer such an amazing reflection for us. What a healing for you, Maggie.
And what an inspiration they are too – if we can love everyone the way a dog loves you.
“I turned to Universal Medicine practitioners for support and guidance because I was frightened by my coping mechanisms. I realised that these had been left unchecked and had become enormously destructive.” – it takes self-love and self-care to seek help from Universal Medicine practitioners as they don’t pander, but offer the truth, even when this might be received as very exposing or at first as nonsense. The willingness to open up and slowly let go of the (energetic) guards that we’ve chosen to live with is worth doing as it supports us to deal with life in a much more loving way. Even in circumstances of death and loss.
“I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself.” Maggie, to see this is so freeing. When we look outside ourselves for love we are never truly fulfilled because the emptiness is there within us and it does not go away until we build a loving foundation within our own body. Wanting love from another places a demand on them which is not going to draw love to us. In effect we are looking for attachment not love.
How lovely Maggie that you were able to share “a truer connection” with Henry. It’s only by “[giving] each other more space and “respecting [each other’s] choices” that we can connect at a deeper level. Otherwise we live a co-dependant existence which is stifling.
The love, trust and warmth shared between you and your dog can be felt deeply when reading this blog. Thank you Maggie it is beautiful 🙂
What your sharing is very important because we often love our pets more than we love ourselves or others – your story helps us to see how emotional love and attachment doesn’t help us or our pets
When there is no attachment or need we can enjoy each other so much more, there is much more space and freedom in such a relationship. The freedom we know that comes from a true relationship is freeing ourselves from attachment. How do we free ourselves from attachment? And that is to choose love over needs, starting with love and care for ourselves, this is a continued process of deepening.
Indeed Michelle! I feel that many, many people feel ‘safer and happier’ with their dogs than they do with humans; and I feel that this is definitely due to a dog’s unconditional love and trust. They are very, very special and are great teachers.
It is very freeing and important to let others pass away and and the growth and love we build and evolve with in our lives is so important to our evolution and purpose . The role of pets espcially dogs in our lives is so deep and important and this touches me very much and all you have come to in your relationship with yourself and Henry is a real reflection and joy to read.
My family and I are a week out from getting a new puppy. The whole experience has been completely different to why we have bought a dog in the past, and it has been very revealing and exposing. We’ve discussed how a dog is not there to fill us up or to give us anything or to be our pet that we can mould into what we want it to be, to pride ourselves on or to be dependent on. All things we have imposed on our pets in the past. I know there will be more revelations once he comes home and opportunities for growth, as in with any relationship.
How beautiful for your new puppy to be welcomed into a home of self-love where he will have the space and feel his freedom to just be himself. A glorious opportunity for you all. <3
My dogs growing up were my sounding board, they didn’t judge, speak back, interrupt or treat me like there was any thing wrong with me, there was no awkwardness, just constant loyalty and affection. I can see now how I would end up dismissing the dog just like I dismissed and left myself when I was feeling hurt, lacking in self-worth or being hard on myself. We can learn so much from dogs of how we are with ourselves, to not leave ourselves for anything, to rest when needed and to be ready for action when called upon.
For a long time I wanted to have a dog, but this was mostly because I needed something that I was not giving to myself. Especially when I knew that I was not going to become a mother, this need for a dog came up again. I wanted to be loved, but I know now that I cannot expect this from anybody. Loving myself is my job, and no one elses.
It is indeed, our responsibility; and no one else’s to love one’s self.
Meeting that responsibility involves awareness, understanding and our courage to make that choice. Hence all these beautiful blogs that we write and make comments on; so that we can share our experiences for the benefit of all of Humanity.
Lovely Maggie – to develop awareness, understanding and courage takes quite a bit and it is so liberating when we connect to ourselves more and more so that we can take the responsibility to choose this way of being in all areas of our lives.
A very honest sharing – thank you Maggie
When we let go of need and attachment there is room for true love and honest relationship to develop.
That’s really something Maggie to emerge from a “24/7 intense relationship” as you describe it with Henry. And to now feel the understanding and surrender that you also showed at Henry’s passing.
As you say about reading truth in Serge’s books, “It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.” I find this true too Maggie, that when I encounter truth such as in Serge’s books or presentations, my whole body knows it to be true by the response and confirmation I feel within me.
Absolutely; I just love how my body KNOWS and feels the truth of Serge’s words.
I have read many so called inspirational books in the past, but they left me feeling, ‘huh; so what did I achieve from reading that?!’ Just like the breadcrumb-trail in Hansel and Gretle.
That maybe sounds weird but I experienced this “I began to understand my need to have Henry bolstering my life because of my own emptiness” with my partner. I ‘used’ him to have a sense in life, to come home to, to spent the weekend with and so on. I was not with me – but with him. So that did put a lot of pressure on my partner and our relationship of course. He should be perfect or at least as I wish him to be so I could be happy. Did not work and that is a blessing. To look outside of me for an fulfillment does not make any sense and will not work. What is fulfilling me is inside and from here the connection to all.
The Ageless Wisdom that is presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine brings the true healing that humanity needs as it teaches that to heal the craving for love we all desire comes not from attachment and investment in people and things but connecting to the love that is within us all. This article is a beautiful sharing of this realisation.
Thank you Jonathan.
I just love your expression, “that to heal the craving for love we all desire comes not from attachment and investment in people and things but connecting to the love that is within us all”
Yes: the pot of gold that awaits us all when we choose our many colourful journeys to return home.
You share an interesting topic and one we don’t usually discuss . . . that there is reliance on our pets to fill an emotional void.
Absolutely Rachel; Henry was ALWAYS there for me! It was such a relief when we were able to free ourselves from such a burdensome dependency.
How often do we rely on our pets, especially cats and dogs to give us something we can’t give to ourselves, love. I know I did along with my horses, expecting them to be a certain way and pouring all my ‘love’ onto them. It took Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon to see how harming this was, for both the animals and myself, I could really see that the animals were a substitute for the love I could not give to myself and to everyone around me and how stifling this was. I had back then, more love for my animals than I did for humanity.
This is a great example of how attached we can get to people and pets. The emotional attachment can be so strong. I know that when I have been in situations where I get very emotionally attached I totally lose myself and I am not myself at all. I am still learning to stay with myself and be true to myself at all times so as to not lose myself but simply enjoy the company of others and love them for who they are.
Maggie – this is so gorgeous to read, ‘We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.’ I can feel how relevant this is for all relationships, for myself to not be so emotionally attached to my family and how freeing and loving this can be for everyone.
Animals can be a great reflection for us, they are loving, loyal and full of joy, and know how to rest well
In the honouring of life and its cycles, rather than hanging onto to the length of life as being better, an ideal of a successful one, we can live each moment in true quality where the time becomes irrelevant in truth.
Strong bonds and emotional attachments whether with animals or people can be an all consuming distraction that takes us away from connecting with ourselves and other people. True best friendships always begin wth ourselves and in true equality all friends are loved equally.
It is true that we must build the love within us, for to rely on another to bring this to us creates need and dependence and is without balance nor truth.
This blog is apt for us to consider all relationships and their balance. Do we bring us in full to them or do we bring less and demand of another to complete us?
Some years back we came across a stray and took her in and she turned out to be the best dog ever, and she lived with us for some twenty years and whilst I could see that she was getting old and that I would have to make the decision to take her to the vet the thought of making the decision was for me harder than the reality of taking her in. I looked at her one day lying on her bed and just knew it was time, she was fairly bright within herself but I could sense that her arthritis was in more parts of her body and her legs were becoming weaker. I can understand how people get very emotionally attached to their pets and in some cases the grief is the same as if it were from the loss of a family relative, but for me with this dog we had come to a certain place in our relationship where I just let her be and she responded to this.
The more deeply we love ourselves, the more accepting and understanding we are of all others. To stand in our Love enables another to stand in theirs without needing to be anything nor to bring anything to us
It is wise to consider our needs and attachments, be they to human, pets, objects or places.
All is a great distraction from our inner quality and living the truth we know, unreservedly and open.
The connection we have with our pets is so exposing of all our relationships be it neediness or unconditional love.
I came to the realisation how much of a bond I had with my dog Roxy when I thought someone had stolen her, it totally freaked me out. This person though she was lost while waiting patiently by my van and decided to take her home and put it on face book that she had found a dog . Facebook was the last place I was looking for my dog, I was trying local vets and the Police. When I stopped drinking alcohol, I started to lose touch with all my so called friends and Rox was a constant companion through that transition, so I really do know about dog love.
Unconditional love is wonderful to behold and gorgeous to share Kevin.
Such a beautiful example of how all relationships can offer so much development and unfolding if we choose it. There are moments in our lives when we know we are not coping or not as resourceful as we need to be for the next phase. Taking responsibility to “fill up our tool kits” and get to know ourselves a little more allows the healing to begin.
What an absolutely beautiful story of love, trust and true connection. My eyes welled Maggie as I read about your life and your mutual love with Henry.
I so much enjoyed and appreciated reading about your shift from emotional love and dependency to mutual love, trust and connection.
Thank you Maggie for sharing so openly about your beautiful and true connection with your dog Henry, the relationship you had with your dog feels deeply healing for you both.
Very powerful sharing and honest in how invested we can become in another and become distracted from taking responsibility for what is going on within us. Henry was a teacher and offered much in order for you to re-connect to what was always there within you to support the choices you needed to make. We can all get caught up in expecting another to fill the void and to avoid what is true. Thank you for being so honest and opening up the discussion around what being in true relationship is.
A beautiful example, born out of your relationship with your dog, of truth that any need we have is about our own emptiness. Developing our relationship with ourselves, frees us immensely and allows the other human/animal to be who they are!
Maggie I am deeply touched by this beautiful story of how a relationship built on neediness deepened to one of a true and spacious love, and that you now ‘know that deep within is all the love in the world’.
Learning to let go of attachments and needs is not always easy as you’ve shared Maggie and I can relate to this too. Your blog inspires us to know that it is also possible to live a life free of emotional ups and downs regardless of what is going on in our life. We can choose to connect to love and I have found, to healing our sense of emptiness is so simple, by learning to nurture, love and care for ourselves first we begin to feel a fullness of who we are again, and our ability to live without attachments and neediness is then possible.
I felt daunted by what seemed the huge challenge of loving myself, making loving choices for me rather than putting Henry first after his diagnosis and getting myself quite upset as I couldn’t see a way out, though what I was being advised to do seemed unattainable at the time.
I remember Shirley-Ann gently advising me how this takes years of practise and that I was already in crisis. These gentle, loving words removed so much weight from me: I was being accepted as I was: frightened, vulnerable and tortured by my own emotions, but she gave me the space I needed back then to start relinquishing my dependency on Henry by making very small self-loving steps for me. Over the months they developed steadily until I was able to recognise my responsibility for me. Our last few weeks together were amazing <3
I love the reflection that Henry gave to you Maggie, as confirmation when you begun to take back what you had given away… yourself! Dogs don’t want to be our emotional prop up and can be free to be themselves when we are not depending on them to fill a need in us. This article would be a great feature in a pet lovers magazine as it’s very thought provoking and looks at the responsibility that pet owners hold.
This is a very beautiful story of healing, Love and trust. I’ve never been that close with an animal before so I cannot relate to the emotional need in that respect – but I certainly been invested in emotional need with other people and feared the end of the relationship like death! In fact, we can have emotional need and investment to anything that we use to fill ourselves up, to fill the emptiness we feel within from not being full of the love we are.
Maggie what an incredibly beautiful love story, it expanded my heart and filled me with the love of God. Thank you.
There is a deep, consistent and constant love that comes from a dog that is sorely missed when they pass. Ours has been a companion and member of the family for as long as I can remember, and it was very upsetting when she became ill and even more so to make the decision to put her down. They teach us so much – always pleased to see us, and never judging us – dogs are awesome!
I absolutely love dogs and their ability to relate with people (for most at least) and they can support us to come back to a commitment and engagement to and with life that we had previously given up on. Your story Maggie is a beautiful one and an example true love versus emotional attachment.
Right after I made the decision to put my dog down he suddenly seemed to liven up and be much more joyful. What I learned from that situation is how much I had depended on him and how much investment I had had. In my decision to let him go he was free again and joyful to move on. If we can be with ourselves and from there have a relationship with our dogs that does not need to substitute for what we are missing within the relationship becomes more honest, more relaxed and even more joyful.
There is much we put on our pets, especially the need for love and absolute acceptance that we do not give ourselves, that we do not realise is burdening them immensely. Our dogs are often very willing to serve us, no matter how we are with them but it is imperative that we learn to have a relationship with ourselves so that we do not project our needs on our dearly beloved pets.
Wow Maggie, I can feel the absolute love that you held for Henry and what is so gorgeous is that when we have love that is no longer emotional but is a true bond based on our own love for ourselves first rather than based on a neediness, then that love becomes for everyone and is not exclusive.
Maggie, it is truly wonderful how you learned to let go the neediness that you had for Henry, such a deeper relationship you shared with him once you learned to love yourself first, rather than depend so heavily on your beautiful dog for the love that you were originally unable to give to yourself. We can develop such an incredible relationship with each other when it is based on a true love for ourselves first of all. An incredible learning for you to carry into the rest of your life.
’Henry climbed up the stairs and manoeuvred his forelegs onto my bed so that I could gather his back legs and lift him up and then he would rearrange his blanket where he slept. We had the same arrangement with the car and sofa, but he always managed to climb the stairs on his own.’ What strikes me is the significant level of co-creation the two of you developed.
Thank you Eva; I had not recognised our co-creation, but yes I agree! I have always appreciated the synergy of teamwork, but when it was under my nose; I didn’t; so a heart-felt thank you to you. <3
’I had read the majority of books by Serge Benhayon and welcomed his frankness about life: there is a hard-hitting truth in all that he writes, and it really does make sense! It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.’ – How true, Serge Benhayon simply presents, ’hard hitting truth’ is very well said, whether we choose to adhere to that truth or not is up to us.
“Such a beautiful sharing, Maggie, very moving. I read your article yesterday, and for me it brought up quite a deal of sadness, so I was not ready then to post a comment. That photograph of your beautiful dog is so beautiful, the trust in your dog’s eyes is gorgeously melting. What a wonderful journey you have been through during the last period of Henry’s life, a journey from emotional love with all its dependence issues, to true love, which begins with loving yourself and then being that love with the other. I love how you expressed it, “I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself. Such a beautiful journey for you both in the long run, thank you for sharing.
‘We both knew that we could do these things together, and without realising at the time that we now shared a love born of mutual trust. We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement.’ – An amazing sharing Maggie, it is indeed a huge liberation to not be dictated by emotions.
I can very much relate to the taking over that emotional attachment can have. It really is like being sucked into a vortex, and there are times you really do need to sit and wait it out before you can get the clarity you need to make a choice to not get sucked in again. It’s a work in progress, building trust within ourselves, learning to love and appreciate ourselves one step at at a time.
Maggie, thank you for your absolute openness about attachment and how it runs us. You’ve shared something most of us can relate too, whether it be through a partner, a pet or even an activity. When we choose to invest in something outside of ourselves the consequences can be dire. You’ve proven there is another way and that by acknowledging and building trust and appreciation of ourselves, we can bring the same to others and hence diminish the emptiness we feel.
I released a lot of sadness when reading about the bond and the unconditional love. I’m still learning to surrender to the unconditional love and the true existence of it. The innocence, honesty and depth of your sharing made me feel, surrender to the fact. Thank you deeply dear Maggie and Henry.
“We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.” I love this, we can travel together but everyone has their own journey in life.
Maggie your blog should actually go onto a parenting magazine as it is a great learning of how we suffocate others by needing them and how we set each other free by just being the love we are.
Wow, this is a great testimonial of how we invest in others to presumably get what we are not giving ourselves: true love. What you describe Maggie could be the relationship of many mothers with their children I know and your sharing shows clearly that there is no difference in whom or what we invest, it is never true.
When we let go of our attachment to anything, whether that be our dogs or our children there is a greater freedom to make decisions that are going to truly benefit all concerned. I know this from my own experience only having recently let go of my attachment to my daughters.
What a beautiful testament to true friendship, Maggie. I especially love this line: “as I worked on continuing to make more loving choices for myself, I relaxed, feeling freer to make the call out of love, rather than fear of loss.” I am always astounded by how what can seem to us like a normal foundation for life choices can shift so completely by maintaining a connection with ourselves.
Love your blog Maggie and your commitment to honesty
Thank you Mary-Louise. I have many layers of dishonesty to peel away: I have lived with them all my life – my ideals and beliefs; and some are so very engrained in my life that I am not yet aware of them. All I absolutely KNOW Mary-Louise is that any dishonesty in my life is a cheat; and that I am devaluing myself – and so I will plod on; and you know: it’s amazing how they gently reveal themselves every now and then. It’s quite beautiful really! <3
A great blog. Thank you Maggie. I can so easily feel your transition from an emotional and needy love to a true love and how this enabled you to get back in to life again bringing all of you just as Henry had brought all of him.
Dogs are a beautiful reflection in life. They love unconditionally and live only but in the moment – a true reflection for us all if ever there were one.
Dogs like humans are just the same when taking on others emotions, creating poison in the body that eventually needs to come out. Dogs we had growing up were used to ‘give’ us something or fill us up. They were always as loyal as ever and loved us unconditionally, yet we didn’t have that for ourselves. They ended up being treated for asthma, epilepsy and skin conditions…many were put down which was heart wrenching showing how attached we were to what they gave us.
Your blog Maggie shows how freeing it is for all involved when we start to be honest and look at the health of our relationships. The healing in the end for yourself and for Henry goes far beyond the physical…. an imprint left for all relationships thereafter.
Such a moving account of the unconditional love and connection dogs hold for their human ‘partners’. They are a joy and a blessing – they have so much to teach us about loyalty and service. Their role in our world is not to be underestimated.
“We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. ” Giving each other space in a relationship is so important. We tend to clamp onto that which we cherish yet I found that with doing that we crush it. Taking that space with the other is a little scary at first but it is a beautiful thing to do. It lets each other be all of ourself and it is a very beautiful way to move together like that.
What a beautiful blog to read thank you Maggie and loved the following sentence ” We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement.” What a great gift to have given and received from each other.
Henry sounds adorable..
When I read that you started coming home and could feel you, rather than always worrying about Henry brought a smile to my face. It is easy to develop true relationships when we love ourselves!
A beautiful story about evolution, and how we can let go of need to see a greater love exists, one without need.
When we rely on another to fill ourselves up with love, not only is it impossible as we are the only ones that can fill ourselves with love, it is hugely imposing. That kind of pressure that is impossible to ever meet is a predetermined course of action set to fail. How beautiful when we set ourselves and others free.
What a beautiful story of a relationship. You could tell the same story and not know this was written about a dog. What you have described plays out in many relationships. So much love is there waiting for us once we release ourselves and our partner from the entanglement of attachment, need and emotion.
What a beautiful blessing Henry was in your life Maggie. Your relationship with him allowed you to see and heal so much within yourself that may not have been possible through a relationship with another person.
I learnt from having dogs that they are so much more at ease when we, their humans, are not putting our emotions onto them. They can just be themselves, dogs, and not be smashed by our need for them to fill an emptiness we feel within ourselves.
I really love your honesty in the blog too Maggie. you were honest about the challenges and the feeling that your emotions had a strong hold on you, but oh how worth it to make loving, supportive changes.
The changes that your were able to make in your relationship with Henry from emotional, needy love to true love are huge. I can imagine that at times that looked nearly impossible. This seems to be one of the reasons why so many relationships break down – people realise their emptiness and neediness, blame the other person and jump ship. whereas you took responsiblility for your choices and began to build true love.
A very intimate story you have discussed Maggie. This discussion will support many people in the same position as you once were.
Thank you LUke.
Thank you for your gorgeous sharing, Maggie. Imposing on another with our need to fill up our emptiness isn’t true love, it is an arrangement. When we are responsible for ourselves in every way we give another, pet or human being, the space to be themselves.
I can relate to what you write: “I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself.” I experienced it with my children when they left the house to live with their dad. And recently I realised it wasn’t gone and the relationship with myself needed to go to a deeper level after I broke up with a partner that wasn’t respectful.
Any investment we have is doomed to scatter, for there is no truth in investment.
Hear hear – very true statement indeed!
Absolutely Monika; and I am now working on acknowledging my various investments so that I can understand and then clear them. My life is most definitely ‘a work in progress’! 🙂
This is also my experience with Serge his books: “It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.” Like it leaves you absolutely free of any imposition and doesn’t try to lore you into an emotion that is not yours in the first place. I experience a settlement in my body, an openness and an expansion. The way I feel truth in my body.
I too can relate to developing different relationships and learning to let go of my need for my dogs to fill my emptiness with each dog I have had in my life. So now it is not about not connecting with dogs because I dread having to lose them rather a celebration of what they bring and show me in life.
When we can let go of our attachment and need for our dogs to be there because we can’t let other human beings in there is such an opportunity for true relationship to develop and thrive.
I love how despite all our emotionality dogs can so beautifully live with pain and are so practical and present with what is. We have so much to learn from these naturally energetic and instinctual beings.
Thank you Maggie for sharing your unfolding relationship with your dog Henry. Dogs so consistently and lovingly serve and serve till there dying great.
What your sharing is so important – we often have so much attachment and emotional need and love for our pets – to be something or give us love we don’t feel safe enough to give ourselves. But in hiding in our relationships with our pets we miss out on the opportunity to have what you experienced in the last few months with your dog – a connection of trust and true love without need or emotion.
When we let go of our need for another we free them up as well as our self, such a relief for both, as previously they felt responsible for filling our emptiness and we were consumed by our neediness.
So true, it just goes to show that the more we connect to our selves the more we can let go of that neediness, in fact it just starts to dissipate more and more, very liberating.
Investing in others so heavily I imagine can feel like a huge burden. I have been on the receiving end of others’ expectations and it is a weight I have carried around for years. Learning to love without attachment is something I am working on. I can feel how you released Henry from any attachment you had to him staying around for you, so that he was able to pass peacefully with your full loving support.
I have never had a close bond with a pet, but I can see how your relationship with Henry can be mirrored in our relationships with humans. Investing in people being a certain way keeps us from looking at how we are with ourselves. I have had this revelation recently and it’s been very painful, yet freeing when I started seeing how I had used the other person to not deal with my own issues.
We usually take one of two courses – either we bury our feelings and issues deeper into our body or we “let it all out” through emotion and we think this is normal and those who do one will criticise those who do the other. But there’s a third more responsible way of dealing with things as they arise and that is to stop and allow ourselves to feel and acknowledge what we’re feeling without judging it and being honest about what’s happening which allows us to better release this from the body.
What an amazing loving companion and teacher you had in your life- Henry the dog.
I loved hearing about the special times and anxious provoking times with him that brought you to a greater understanding about yourself and what unconditional love means in true relationships.
“And so it was my sense of duty that ruled, forcing me to make the call: but as our routine became easier and as I worked on continuing to make more loving choices for myself, I relaxed, feeling freer to make the call out of love, rather than fear of loss.” It’s interesting Maggie and the same can be said of all of us that the more connected we are to ourselves the less angst we have about another leaving us whether by choice or from their passing over which simply demonstrates that it’s us that we are missing and in that we then try to fill that with whatever or whoever it is outside of us.
This is a totally redefining approach for me to see how true love can exist between dog and owner and not just an emotional attachment that is so often the case with many. The dog is often there to fill a need and although this may have at times been the case in your relationship, there was also a deep deep bond which is rarely seen.
Dogs are incredibly wise creatures. They feel everything and know when we are up or down. You can see how a dog is from the expression on its face and from its body language – it says it all. I have spent many years with dogs and they are beautiful companions to have around and really do become a member of the family, so it can be hard when they come to the end of their life. But to have an understanding such as you have Maggie, about the quality of the relationship you eventually had with Henry and to love unconditionally without any attachment is inspiring. Thankyou for sharing.
I’ve never owned a dog, so have not experienced this special relationship, but I can feel how much you gained from it – this is a beautiful story of letting go of our neediness and finding the true love within, allowing the one we love freedom to be who they are.
Maggie your blog was very touching to read and although I have not had a dog in my adult years I can appreciate how much dogs can add to the richness of our lives. Letting go of attachment and need of our pets is a huge issue and looking at our emotional investments underneath of why that is can be so freeing.
A beautiful sharing and very evolving relationship with your self with the support and learning of your relationship with Henry through your esoteric understandings and support. An amazing journey to be with and very deeply felt for all to read with the importance strength and love for yourself building and the freedom and power from this. The amazing gifts dogs bring us as humans and their purpose to offer unconditional love to us is very beautiful. I am forever watching my dog Toby offer so much to everyone and their love and appreciation that comes with this never fails to bring a huge smile in my heart .
When we let go of neediness it allows a relationship to flourish – and it is possible to let go when the time is right.
Dogs can teach us about unconditional love. I love this Maggie – “the unbelievable joy at my first workshops when I rediscovered for the first time in a very long while the true beauty-full me, I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!” Thankyou for sharing your journey with Henry.
Isn’t it beautiful to discover that beneath the emptiness and abuse there is indeed unconditional love – for everybody. It’s still hard work to get rid of all the rubbish that stands in the way of expressing unconditionally, but there is also much support, specially from the Universal Medicine therapies.
Hi Maggie, I felt the intensity of your relationship with your dearest pet as you shared your story, and it came to me an understanding that I have not had before about a person and their pet, sensing the deep attachment to this ‘need-full’ bond. I pondered on this emotional attachment and related it to any other form of ‘looking for love in all the wrong places!” as some song used to say, and saw that your experience was no different really to mine, only that I gave my power away, not to a pet but to looking for the love to fill the emptiness in me via the spiritual new age modalities way back then. It’s interesting I find to see how varied our distractions can actually be that prevent us from looking within. So many little gold ah ha moments in your blog that express your joy in finding your way back to you once again – how beautiful.
It’s a privilege to read this blog and feel the transformation in your relationship as you were able to let go of your emotional neediness and Henry supported you to evolve and appreciate what you had together and how this gave you a wonderful platform to move forward in your life after Henry’s passing.
I really appreciate this blog to be able to put my feelings into words for a subject that is in all our best interests – How much do we love ourself?
When you feel great love from another being whether that is a dog or a person that same love is within you – it’s not not there. What I find the most difficult is when that love you feel has not being lived and confirmed in yourself first.
When my mother died suddenly I was instant intensely emotional. What I now realise it was more the case knowing the love I knew was not the love I cherished and loved myself-in, and therefore was not the love I could of expressed to her, and now she was gone.. She did not get my full love that was the devastation. BUT she and all now get it the more I love myself in each and every moment. All is not lost when you so choose to love yourself — all that is is that love past and present.
I loved reading how the way in which you deepened your love for yourself, supported Henry to deepen his own level of surrender, and to be much more at ease with you.
It also goes to show how much limiting or deepening our own love impacts on those around us.
This is such a good example of emotional attachment. We can be this way with people as well as pets. We can experience that desperate wrench of need that keeps us wanting for something that someone else can give us. And of course it would be this way if we do not have a base of love within ourselves. Even though I have been building my self-love over time I still find myself going into need and looking outside of myself for love. It is so easy to do. What I love about your story is that you were able to change your relationship with Henry from one of need to one of love simply by changing the way you were with yourself. Letting go of emotional attachment doesn’t have to mean letting go of the person or pet, it is simply a choice to put ourselves first before another. That passionate frenzy can then transform into a deep glowing steady love that is not empty, and actually has something to give.
This is a very beautiful sharing, Maggie. You expose clearly how we can become dependent upon others for love rather than taking responsibility for ourselves and how by turning that around life becomes fulfilling and expansive.
Maggie thank you for sharing your connection with Henry and how you grew together. I had a dog growing up, and when she passed over I took it very hard. For 16 years she had been there, wagging her tail when I came back and being an absolute support for me though all the troubles of school and growing up. There is no doubt I relied on her, there was no other consistent “love” that i felt in my life, but now as I’ve built more care and love for myself I can also understand that ” I ” was very much missing from my life.
‘My hardest challenge though, was to learn to be utterly truthful with myself.’ but a challenge well worth undertaking for anyone. Being truthful reveals exactly why we are where we are and what is divinely offered to us in any situation. Letting go of the emotion relationship here and allowing a deeper connection from Love feels awesome and very healing.
Maggie this is so touching. Thank you for sharing your story. I feel like I know Henry! What a beautiful relationship you two had, and what a gorgeous story of healing.
Maggie, I love your very open, honest blog, it is lovely to read how your relationship with Henry evolved from emotional love into trust and true love and how you have been connecting to your own love inside developing a relationship with yourself, ‘I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!’
What a great journey you went on with your best friend Henry.
Maggie what a wonderful journey you share here with us, the journey to true love for yourself, shared by your beautiful canine friend, Henry. When we lose a family member (pet) who may have been with us for such a long time or sometimes shorter stay it can be a time of great learning as you share. I seem to have had pets that have lived for many years, dogs of 17, 14, and 12 plus a 20year old cat. All special personalities in their own way with something to offer the world and I.
The relationship between human and dog can often be an interesting one, so much emotion can be placed into it as we have a being that is dependant on us for it’s basic needs and social interaction. It’s amazing how you recognised that the coping mechanisms you had in place needed to be addressed and had the courage to look at them, it’s not easy to face letting go of something we are fed to believe will be the end of the world without this situation/person/being/object in our lives whatever that may be for each person. But those attachments don’t allow or accept whatever we are clinging to to just be what it or they are because we are imposing that it be themselves AND us at the same time which is impossible. Dropping the need allows them to be them and for us to be us, thank you Maggie.
A great description of the roller-coaster of needy emotional love and the stillness of true love.
Simply put and summed up Mary. Beautiful, honest and heartfelt blog Maggie which I have read again a year later. It brings back memories of a saluki dog my parents looked after whilst it’s owners were away. It was love at first sight between us. She was not allowed on beds but used to jump on mine but get off with the speed of light if the door opened and my parents came into my room! I cried buckets when that dog returned to it’s owner.
The more we connect with ourselves and then each
other the easier it actually is to let them go when their time to pass-over is
here. It is through the connection that we feel love which lives on irrespective of whether a
person/animal is physically with us or not.
It is so beautiful to read Maggie, that the more space you allowed in your relationship with Henry the more love was felt and lived in your being together with one another.
Emotions, our accepted normal but in-truth our biggest addiction in life is what love is NOT about. The world has painted a picture for us that it is with emotions that we feel alive, that with the ecstatic highs and crippling lows that life makes sense. This is all untrue as our bodies are very honest and no ounce of emotion felt or expresed is ever comfortable. The highs experienced being on mountain tops thousands of metres above sea level, the excitement of illicit love affairs or seeing a sportsteam win, even the controlling attention given to us by loved ones etc. these are all pictures that we are fed into us, tantalizing us into choosing emotions and mistaking it to be love. There is truth in the saying “emotional wreck”, emotions do wreck us and others, because they are poison in our bodies. To choose love again from such an ingrained momentum of emotions (that we call life) requires a deep commitment and responsibility to be love, and it has to start with ourselves. This is the only way for our world to return to love, it starts and ends with self-responsibility without any investment in how others choose. In your commitment to being true Maggie, Henry had the space to feel your true connection, what a blessing this is.
What an amazing story of your journey with Henry, Maggie, right from realising the reality of your state of emptiness and expecting Henry to fill it, to the process detaching yourself from emotional love and releasing into the possibility of true love!
This deep love and trust you had with Henry is so beautiful to read about. What a blessing it was that you could have the time to bring your relationship to true love, where the fierce emotional side is released and the deep love and care is allowed to have life and death unfold as it will. Having the support of esoteric practitioners is such a blessing. There is nothing quite like the unconditional love of a dog, they travel with us no matter what stage we are at. It is an amazing lesson for us to give ourselves the same unconditional love.
Henry to you Maggie, could be our father, husband, boyfriend, son, mother, wife, girlfriend, daughter, friend etc. We all have our attachments in life, our distraction to live truly who we are. And yet all our attachments in life offers us the lesson of awareness to return to live what is truly love.
Dogs can be a great bridge for us to realise that we are love, ourselves. We don’t need to stop on the bridge.
Thanks for being so open and honest as we can all learn a lot from what you share here, even if we don’t have a dog as it applies to any relationship really.
What a beautiful sharing Maggie. Makes me think of a lot of relationships that I have had with dogs and how I didn’t want another as I didn’t want to love them that much and be sad when they weren’t with me anymore.
Seeking love does not work; it does not come from the outside. It is simply a return to a one true love which resides inside.
What an honest and beautiful sharing. It is so very common to load up our pets to replace the lack of love we are not giving ourselves. I cannot believe how responsive dogs are, as you released yourself from the emotional shackles and came to a mutual true love giving all the space for you both to be yourselves within that.
It doesn’t matter where we go or where we look, high or low, there is no escaping the fact that the connection and Love we crave so much begins right here with us. Gosh, what a struggle and strain we put on ourselves with this search, when in the end we are the ones who are designed to cherish ourselves. Thank you Maggie for this beautiful reminder that we are to be as good-natured and faithful as Henry was to you, to ourselves. And really there is no end to this story, no death, no finish just a deepening of our care in this life, and the next.
All of life evolves us to live in the dedication to presence in even the most challenging situations, to discover that the love and connection within us is our constant guide and companion. We have asked so intently and sincerely to be shown in life the opportunties to live true love, so that time and time again we will release more of what is attachment. This cycle we will continue until everyone of us returns to being love.
I truly celebrate my choice to return to love; and this is the gift that both Benson and Henry gave me Adele.
It is wonderful to have that relationship with your dog and understandable that after he had gone that you miss him, however is it possible that being reliant on your dog to give you the love you weren’t connecting to within yourself placed a burden on your pet and possibly that’s why Henry had to stay around long after his service was complete, until you were able to let go of your attachment. The beautiful gift from Henry is that from his illness and passing you chose to connect to the love that resides within yourself and so now there is no dependancy on him or another to give to you what has always been there waiting for you to come back to – back to the love that you are.
Deidre, thank you; in a strange way you have just given me permission to ‘miss’ Henry! x
A beautiful blog Maggie, than you for sharing this with us. The connection and love between you and your best friend Henry was so gorgeous to read. The contrast in how you dealt with your two Dog’s passing over was huge. ‘I looked at my dog Henry and the realisation dawned that I could not possibly continue like this.’ These kinds of realisations are magic, as they are there to support us to make more loving choices. Your willingness to let go of attachments and needs was inspiring and the part about ‘Learning to be Utterly Truthful with Myself’ was amazing. By being completely truthful with ourselves we are able to see with clarity, have more understanding and supports us to accept who we are, and from this we evolve.
Hello Maggie and thank you for your sharing – animals can be such amazing companions that can bridge us back to some level of trust. So many of us lack trust in life, in society, in the world that we live in and also in people. So animals play a crucial role in supporting us with the return to trust. And dogs in particular have unconditional love which allows the trust to be built back for us. But it is so beautiful to hear how you gradually built back the trust in yourself and built from an emptiness within so that when your furry friend was ready to let go, he knew his job was done, as you had begun to build this amazing relationship with yourself! Well done! And in my experience it never ends, it only keeps deepening more and more!
I do believe our dogs are with us to serve and reflect, and I learn much in watching their body language and the messages they deliver, when I am connected with me the dogs do not require any pandering attention. When I go into treating them say in a mothering way, I will get the reflection and they become demanding and misbehave.
But the biggest reflection for me is their ability to share their love unconditionally but at the same time reading the situation and not compromise, they discern and will avoid some people, places, other dogs and even foods.
I am really looking forward to sharing my connection with my next dogs; to continue to learn. They are such beautiful companions.
We are so scared of losing each other and this fear is fed by the belief that death is a finite end point that we, or those we love, will reach and then…nothing. But this is only true if we are looking at the world in a vastly reduced way and only acknowledging the physicality of us. In the world of energy, of which we are forever an eternal part of, there is no death. There is only a passing over from one form of expression to another and in this passing over, all that we have truly loved will move with us to lay the foundation of the new cycle we begin. Nothing is truly lost when we do not let go of love. It is our attachments we need to let go of but never the love that that we are made from.
So beautifully expressed; thank ou Liane.
What a wonderful release Henry received, knowing he had your loving support without any attachment through his final days before he passed away. I could feel in your writing Maggie the deep love and trust you had for each other.
Thank you Alison; what we shared ultimately grew to something very meaningful. My love for dogs (and all animals) has not changed, but my love for myself has; and although I am still dealing with issues which sometimes drag me down a little, I enjoy a freedom now that I hadn’t previously.
I realise it’s so easy particularly with dogs to have a very close bond, as most are pure unconditional love and it’s very rewarding to have a companion that doesn’t answer back, loves you to pieces regardless and is loyal and protective to the end and yes they can totally fill the void. But it can then become all about their life rather than the quality and connection in our lives. It’s our responsibility to know who we are and not come from neediness, imposing on the dog.
Absolutely and I am so joyful that I was able to help Henry get back his own life after all my years of neediness.
One of my dogs taught me so much about acceptance. She was a Labrador that lost her sight at age 7. I went into a panic about it, until one day I realised she had accepted it and was just getting on with her new way of living, and learning to navigate her world. It was such an ‘aha’ moment when I realised this, and saw how I’d projected my own feelings of what I ‘thought’ life would be like for her rather than seeing it how it was. She lived for 6 years as a blind dog, and blew me away by her ability to adjust and still be her usual joyful self most of the time.
Absolutely Sandra. Animals, pets and birds show me daily their enormous capacity for just ‘getting on with it’ no matter what the circumstances may be. They completely surrender to life.
Maggie, I am deeply moved by what you have shared. To have evolved in this way together, human and dog, out of the shackles of comfort and need and back to true love, says to me that the true path home is through the love in our hearts and while we can’t expect to be given all that we deny ourselves by another, we can share the journey with them by walking beside them and not entwined with them. Henry has taught you how to love without attachment. The greatest gift a friend can give.
What a stunning blog Maggie, thank you for sharing it with us. I do very much relate with what you’ve shared, having been blessed to share my life with 2 dogs who passed over in their old age. They taught me what grace looks like in old age and both of their passings were a very beautiful experience.
To live from our own essence drops the attachment, the enmeshing need with another, and allows space for us and for others to be … how loving and supportive for everyone.
A journey of incredible healing between you and Henry. I can feel from your writing how much you both grew in the final months and how the connection you had together was so strong. I love how you describe Henry lying with you listening to Serge Benhayon. What a gorgeous experience you shared with Henry during his last days.
Oh we certainly did Fiona, I was off work for two weeks for Christmas; and they were very beautiful, very relaxing and self-indulgent for the pair of us. I would read one of Serge’s books, listening to Chris James, or just listen to the audios on Esoteric Medicine, or by then the Living Sutras of the Hierarchy, pretty much all day; lots of beautiful energy around the house all day long! It was fabulous; very healing for both of us.
To become enmeshed in another’s life is so common in todays world – we become so focused on another’s life to avoid looking at our own lives and taking responsibility for the choices we have made, past and present.
Gorgeous and deeply touching to feel how through your choice to be honest, to heal and let go of your hurts and develop your connection to your Love within, you were the able to bring your presence to making loving decisions, in order to offer the deepest love and care to support and honor your best friend through his time of passing.
What a beautiful story Maggie, thank you for taking the time to write and share your’ and Henry’s story. It was so honest and real and how’s what happens we are attached and needy and how that can rule our lives. But you took the time and space to look at that neediness and realised it was wreaking havoc in your life and chose differently. And your relationship with Henry sounded amazing.
This wisdom can be applied to so many areas of our lives, ….” and as I worked on continuing to make more loving choices for myself, I relaxed, feeling freer to make the call out of love, rather than fear of loss.”
This is such a testament of how in every connection we have, every relationship we share, every constellation that is presented, there is a magic to explore be it to learn how to deepen our connection to Love or/and to confirm how powerful we are when we are united in Love. A wise reminder that everything does happen for a reason, for the purpose for us to evolve.
Setting ourselves free from emotional entanglements, how key that is to having a true and honouring relationships.
Yes, there is much more room for love when emotions are less or absent.
I wholeheartedly agree Christoph.
Victoria I agree and would add that the emotional entanglements that we need to free ourselves from are those that we have in our relationship with ourselves. It is as if we are standing in a huge ball of trip wire. Once we step out of the tangle then we step out of the tangle with everyone else.
It is such a gift when we embrace honesty as it leads us to deepen our relationship with truth, through which we develop a greater awareness to the Love we are, we all are and the Love that is always waiting to be lived. Thank you Maggie showing how healing and empowering embracing honesty is for one and all.
It was very touching to read your story Maggie. The honesty, love and awareness you brought to your relationship with your self and Henry is beautiful to feel.
This is a beautiful sharing and honoring of your relationship with Henry. There is so much we can learn about the simplicity of Love through our relationship with dogs, as I too have learnt from mine. That when we remove emotion from our relationships the quality of our connection deepens with Love, honor and truth, far surpassing any emotional interaction that leaves us needing to seek more ‘love’ and having expectations and conditions of how it needs to be for us to feel a ‘false’ sense of satisfaction.
Wow Maggie what a story. In the first part what struck me was the grief you felt at the passing of Benson and the anticipation of grief you felt for the idea of losing Henry. I often feel that the real grief and tension most of us have or are aware of to differing degrees is the grief of having separated from our true selves. Then when we lose another or even something inanimate, it triggers that grief. In your story you show how the more you came back to and reconnected with yourself, the less you were consumed by grief.
The other thing is that we also miss our connection to everyone else – again demonstrated in your story. I find the more I connect to myself, the more I feel connected to God and everyone else – as in essence we are all one. This kind of connection is not dependent on the other or even on physical bodies.
Maggie thank you for sharing such a beautiful appreciation of the depth of love you are willing to invite into your life. The re-connecting to your own love and how this evolved your love with Henry is very special. An understanding of loving appreciation for ourselves and how this supports all our relationships can be felt and is very inspiring and incredibly relatable whatever our relationship with someone.
Wow Maggie, thank you so much for sharing this. Henry, and your relationship with him, represents people or relationships in all of our lives and is incredibly relatable. The tenderness and vulnerability you share offers such an opportunity for healing as we read.
Maggie this is really lovely and shows how your preparedness to go for it and look at your own emotional reactions allowed Henry to completely surrender and pass. How beautiful that all of our relationships have the potential to evolve when we work on our hurts, even those with a furry covering.
What a beautiful sharing Maggie and how inspiring to see your relationship to your dog changing into a true loving one.
You were able to accompany your friend to his death and I feel how you were learning so much through him and the intense relationship with him. To let go such an intimate friend like him is enormous and shows that you had built confidence and love with yourself.
Maggie, this is truly beautiful to read, setting each other free from emotional entanglement and then sharing a true connection which gives space to be ourselves. What a blessing for your dog and for yourself to experience love in the end of a long relationship.
You got me crying in celebration with these words Maggie ” We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement.”. That is the one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves and each other, how awesome you were able to do that.
Wow Maggie – this really does show how emotions can absolutely rule us – how if we give our power away to the drama, we loose ourself. What a great blog to inspire others to choose to not get caught up but rather bring it back to how we are and the support we can offer – emotion free.
Hello Maggie and thank you for being so brave to share your stories like this. The bond or connection you are speaking of is plain to see through your blog. The deep care and respect you have written about also can be felt, thank you again.
Maggie, I appreciate how enriching your journey with Henry has been. Like most pet owners I can relate to many of the things you have shared. We can over attach ourselves to many things in order to not connect truly to ourselves but this takes nothing away from the beautiful and loving connection you have had with Henry.
Letting who is about to die go is a very freeing moment for both.
‘We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined’. These words are beautiful Maggie and encapsulate the freedom we find as we let go of our neediness and begin to realise that there is a power and purpose to life when we live from true love rather than need. There is great joy when we allow others their freedom to build their own lives and experience, which offers a way to expand and explore a sense of being-ness.
As I read this I got a deeper understanding of how some people can feel about their pets, it was not something I had considered before, the different ways in which people can attempt to cope with life and the support they need to re-engage with others.
Dogs are a mans best friend is very true – they love unconditionally and without emotion – we could learn a lot about love from them, and yet as you have shared we often get very attached and emotional about our dogs, sometimes making choices that are better for us than them. We can learn with a dog how to love unconditionally and without attachment.
It’s amazing to hear how you deepened your relationship with yourself towards the end of Henry’s life. The unconditional love of a dog is a very wonderful thing.
Maggie, I have lost many pets and not once have I allowed myself to surrender to my love like you did with Henry. I am inspired, and have a deeper understanding of love from your article.
I have had many pets too, mainly dogs and cats; and Henry is the ONLY one with whom we shared our surrendering. I hope to be able to enjoy this with more pets in the future and to reflect my love back to them. Thank you Leigh <3
Its amazing to note just how much we can put on others to fill the love we aren’t being for ourselves. Everyone has so many avenues and ways they try to fill this gap… Thank you for sharing about one, and the bond between you and Henry.
Thank you Emily. For many years I regarded Henry as my ‘safe’ partner: I involved him in everythhing and never stopped talking to him; asking his opinion on this or that. As a result he ‘busied’ himself in my life, but as I learned to step back and concentrate more on myself I realised that he would start to do ‘his thing’ more, but it was amazing how we both co-operated when he needed assistance to get onto the sofa or onto my bed. It was very beautiful to co-create with him!
Our doggie companions can show us a lot. They are amazing company to have.
“Our doggy companions”, are our best friends and they are truly incredible when we open our awareness up to clock what they are communicating to us.
If we are willing to clock and be honest about what they are communicating, we are able to learn so much about ourselves.
A Beautiful sharing Maggie and as I read through the article I could feel the maturing of a love that began with the smallest of seeds. Finding the love that you truly are through the reflection offered in your relationship with Henry was amazing to observe.
I feel that I was privileged to only have Henry in my life then as he was a dog and therefore he had no human baggage in the form of beliefs and ideals and no emotions; and so when I tried out my first loving steps for me no explanation or justification was required. Once I had chosen I was much freer than others in human relationships to be more self-loving, more self-interested. Henry just allowed me my space and he took advantage of the space thereby that I had gifted him.
“Finding the love that you truly are”, is the key and dogs can help us to this as this story shows us. We underestimate the power of a dogs unconditional love for their owners.
Thank you Maggie. This is a beautiful testament to the power of bringing truth to relationships and letting go of neediness. Your relationship with Henry is truly inspiring.
Thank you Leonne, he was a most beautiful dog; and I am now looking forward to sharing my life with another in the future.
Maggie,
A truly beautiful unfoldment from needing Henry to living knowing and feeling all the love you are. The strength felt in the allowing of another to pass when it is their time, with no emotional baggage is the power of true love.
Yes, it was a beautiful few moments Leigh as Henry lay with his head on my knee, feeling his body soften as I stroked him; and then feeling his final surrender.
I arrived home to find an email from Serge saying, “if you truly love him why would you not be joyful to see him prepare for a better than ever next life? Thanks to you this is what he is going to have.”
Until then I hadn’t realised the enormity of what we had achieved together.
Once we re-connect back to the innate stillness and harmony within, we evolve and grow in our return to love and are then able to live FROM love, rather than imposing neediness on others – the same applies to all relationships, whether our dogs, any animal or person we interact with.
“We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined”.
There are some beautiful revelations in this blog Maggie. Emotional love is only a necessity when we don’t want to feel the lack of connection within ourselves. How honouring to both you and Henry, that you were able to seek support to address this and, thus make different choices to return to love, through re-connection with your body.
Great point raised Stephanie and timely discovered by the author.
Beautiful and very apt ending to this story: “deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!” Thank you for sharing your insights and the immense learning you have had with your dog.
Hi Maggie, I had a slight lump in my throat when coming to the bottom of your blog, you let us into a precious bond you had with Henry and it was heartwarming to read, especially what the vet said to you about how Henry’s eyes never left you. As humans we have a responsibility to treat all animals with love, care and respect, many of which unfortunately do not currently do. However your relationship would have sent energetic ripples out to the world giving many the opportunity to be this love and care. It was really gorgeous to also see how you changed within yourself no longer being emotional or needy but instead the glorious and steady love you are. Thank you for sharing ✨?
I had never realised just how close the bond is for many with their dogs, it is a great example of how to be in that relationship while not allow it to be all consuming. I guess this is a good reflection of how we can be in all our relationships, not needing but enjoying the companionship and support of other people.
I always thought that a ‘real’ relationship was two individuals coming together and allowing each to be their ‘own’ while both enjoying the synergy between them. I never realised that I actually needed to be in my life back then!
If my relationship had been with anyone other than Henry, our relationship would have bred toxicity. I fully appreciate how fortunate I was to be sharing my life with somebody offering me unconditional love, who didn’t judge me; and who allowed me to find me! ?