For most of my life I have been an emotional wreck, tossed around on a roller-coaster of highs and lows – one moment in the height of ecstasy, the next deep in the dark dungeon of despair – and it was within one of these lows that I found myself in April 2014. Benson, my ex’s dog whom I saw daily, often staying with me, suddenly collapsed and died.
The Passing of Benson and Realising the Mortality of Henry
I sobbed all the way home from the vets and the next week I had to take days off work; I couldn’t hold back my tears. I started getting angry with myself. I had throbbing headaches, my sinuses were screaming at me and my contact lenses were so cloudy with tears I couldn’t see properly.
I looked at my dog Henry and the realisation dawned that I could not possibly continue like this. If I were THIS badly affected over Benson’s death, how on earth would I cope with Henry’s?
At this point I turned to Universal Medicine practitioners for support and guidance because I was frightened by my coping mechanisms. I realised that these had been left unchecked and had become enormously destructive.
I had read the majority of books by Serge Benhayon and welcomed his frankness about life: there is a hard-hitting truth in all that he writes, and it really does make sense! It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.
Henry was my loyal and willing companion, the only being at the time whom I felt to have shown me unconditional love. It’s true to say that in him I had invested my love, my hopes and dreams, and so later that April I felt my future shattered when Henry’s mortality was suddenly realised!
We went to the vet because of a limp, the vet surmising that Henry had cancer in his shoulder that was impeding his movement: I was offered the choice of amputation or euthanasia. Stricken with fear I immediately reacted with amputation – I could not lose him!
And so we were dispatched to a larger practice with an MRI scanner for an accurate diagnosis by an orthopedic surgeon the following morning. She commented later that Henry’s eyes never left me, admiring the bond between us. I had never noticed, just taken us for granted!
That evening Henry’s own vet gently advised that given Henry’s age, his previous surgery and general arthritic condition, Henry’s movement on three legs would be very restricted. There was no doubt that he would survive the operation; in all other manners Henry was incredibly fit and healthy, but now we were looking at life quality.
The flat-coated retriever is known for its exuberance for life, its mischief, and for its love of everyone. Indeed, sharing your life with one is generally accepted as a 24/7 intense relationship!
Assistance is always forthcoming whether searching through cupboards, tying shoelaces or gardening. Gone would be Henry’s reversing skills as he cleverly extricated himself from tight situations; launching onto the sofa, sending cushions flying, charging up and down the stairs, leaping onto my bed and making a nest in my duvet and diving into his basket to retrieve one of his teddy bears.
Letting Go of Attachment and Need
That night I sobbed, and between sobs I realised that I was in a victim vortex that was spinning out of control. I desperately tried to regain some level of composure, to breathe gently, but initially my emotions fought back. As my body began to relax as I surrendered to its shudders I heard the words, palliative care, palliative care. I never listened; they were meaningless words, and cold comfort back then.
Now I understand and I appreciate and recognise the solace that was being offered to me that long and difficult night as the orthopaedic surgeon’s words of palliative care and a regime of pain therapy rang little bells of celebration in my head when I returned to discuss Henry’s diagnosis.
As I settled into a life of administering Henry’s drug therapy, I saw and continued to see and work with esoteric practitioners about my own state of being. In the beginning it was a wrench leaving him for a day as I travelled down to Oxford to see my practitioner, because I wanted to share every day with him. Every moment with Henry was so precious to me at the time, like a clinging child not wanting to leave its mother.
Through the sessions with my practitioner I realised that there was no me in our relationship; that I had delegated my life to Henry and so over time and by my own observations I began to understand my need to have Henry bolstering my life because of my own emptiness.
I had invested so much in this that I was emotionally attached, dependent on Henry utterly. And so, with my esoteric practitioner’s support I was able to work on letting go of this attachment, this need, and to focus on re-building me.
I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself. With this, I began to notice that the more loving choices I made for myself and the more I focussed on my relationship with myself, the more Henry relaxed into his relationship with me and our new life.
Learning to change my life in this way was not always easy, however the commitment was all mine – and learning that the way in which I did things would make a huge difference to the outcome was a massive responsibility.
There was no quick-fix and it was sometimes challenging, but I began seeing some rewards, often just tiny ones, and with the support of Serge Benhayon and my esoteric practitioner I was able to enjoy the remainder of my life together with Henry.
Learning to be Utterly Truthful with Myself
I started not looking around for Henry when I realised that he had been silent for what I felt was too long. I would trust that he was sleeping peacefully.
I began to see my car as mine rather than Henry’s. I started returning home to me rather than to Henry, and I started to make evening plans so that Henry became more my companion rather than my constant and only companion.
I began to realise that there would be a life post-Henry for me.
To begin with it was very hard as I realised how much I needed him to protect me from those things that I didn’t want to do. Staying in with Henry gave me excuses to not venture out as a single person into a seemingly brand new and rather frightening world!
My hardest challenge though, was to learn to be utterly truthful with myself.
In the past I would con myself that things weren’t that bad! Now, I had to be very alert and acknowledge when Henry showed any sign of pain rather than pretend he was okay, because I was still frightened of losing him.
On the surface it seemed so easy to just register that he was in pain and liaise with the vets, but fear would often strike me and my insides would start to writhe with my own anxiety.
And so it was my sense of duty that ruled, forcing me to make the call: but as our routine became easier and as I worked on continuing to make more loving choices for myself, I relaxed, feeling freer to make the call out of love, rather than fear of loss.
And for those remaining months we shared a deeper quality of life.
Henry climbed up the stairs and manoeuvred his forelegs onto my bed so that I could gather his back legs and lift him up and then he would rearrange his blanket where he slept. We had the same arrangement with the car and sofa, but he always managed to climb the stairs on his own.
I admired his resilience and determination, and watching Henry over those last few months I realised that the bond that the surgeon had originally witnessed was one borne of a true love and not the emotional one that had kept us enslaved.
Looking back, Henry had always trusted me. He seemed to know when I was making him feel more comfortable, or even making him better.
A Truer Connection – Love Born of Mutual Trust
That dreadful day when I realised that Henry was in so much pain with his shoulder that he could not climb down the stairs, he waited until I returned with his harness. He worked with me, so together we managed to climb down. From then on he would always wait for me to walk down with him, sometimes wanting me to slip my fingers through his collar first.
We both knew that we could do these things together, and without realising at the time that we now shared a love born of mutual trust. We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement.
Looking back over our last few months when I watched Henry sleeping, when I told him I loved him as I stroked his chest, or even when his excitement grew as his suppertime neared, I felt that lovely warm, comforting glow from my inner heart and not that rush of wringing emotion lower down.
We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.
We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.
We shared a relaxing few weeks together that December: I read, corresponded with Serge Benhayon and my friends or listened to my audios from the Esoteric Medicine series with Henry either lying on the sofa beside me, or sprawled out on his sheepskin rug in front of our open fire. I began to feel a slightly better level of being as the days passed, but then one day I realised that Henry wasn’t quite himself.
His painkillers had increased until his cheeky smile and general zest for life faded: his heart, the biggest most generous and courageous heart I have ever known, grew too tired of life.
A few days later Henry passed over on 6 January 2015, having developed what was suspected to have been another tumor.
A few nights before I lovingly said goodbye to my best friend, after we had enjoyed a wonderfully, peaceful day together during which I held my loving connection to my being and was relaxing in bed, I realised how peacefully Henry was lying across my body, totally relaxed and at one with me; sharing our joy, love, trust and truth. I felt that he too was connected to his own inner-self and I smiled, knowing that he was preparing his body for death; a body that had given its all, but which was now ready to surrender.
With the continued love and support from the many beauty-full people whom I have met over the last few years through Universal Medicine and the unbelievable joy at my first workshops when I rediscovered for the first time in a very long while the true beauty-full me, I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!
By Maggie, Chorley, England
Further Reading:
True Relationships – Being Love First, not Demanding it from Others
Love and Relationship Audio
National dog day – August 26 2105
450 Comments
Needing or depending on another for the love we aren’t willing to give ourselves for me always ends up in the deterioration of a relationship and the resentment and frustration that builds up. Every step away back towards honoring and loving myself naturally re-builds all of my relationships.
Rereading your blog Maggie is such a joy and a great inspiration; I so very much appreciate your honesty. When I ponder the relationship I have with my dog I am reminded of the evolution and level of responsibility I have to myself first and foremost, thus flowing to my dog, and indeed to all life.
A profound blog that has resonance for all relationships. You describe a truly beautiful process of evolution both together and separately and what stays with me most is the realisation you offer that our lives are our own journeys and not intertwined.
Your relationship with your dog presented you with the blessing of beautiful healing that with the support of your sessions you were able to unpack and share with humanity. thanks Maggie.
I have returned again to your blog Maggie. As I read it this time, it reminded me again of my last few months and weeks with my 2 dogs Rosie and Charlie who died 18 months apart. It was such a beautiful time and I got to see and feel the grace with which they both lived their last days. They knew what was coming and they surrendered to it. It taught me a whole lot about surrender, grace and tenderness.
I always wondered how I would know when the time was right to make the loving choice to have my dogs put down. I had a fear that I wouldn’t know and that they would suffer in pain. But I did know, with both of them. When I was willing to see and accept where they were at, they both just let go and their condition deteriorated within 24 hours – severely so. They can sense where we are at. They both knew when I’d accepted that it was time, and they literally let go in their bodies so that it was so obvious that it was time. The process was so very gracious and quite beautiful and their was no grieving for a life lost, but much joy at a life lived in full and to be celebrated.
When I got my dogs in my mid 30s, I was very aware that this was a cushion, an emotional decision because I wanted children and didn’t have them. I told myself that they would be good practice for when I did. It was only when I got involved in the work of Universal Medicine that I was able to really look at this need and I began to treat my dogs as beloved dogs but not as surrogate children. The change in them was remarkable over time. Their behaviour changed, they were more settled and they could just be dogs and not have the burden of the imposition from me to be more.
Dogs are amazing, they teach us so much. The great thing is that you were being honest about what was occurring for you. We can face and get through any situation in life if we accept what is occurring and be honest about it.
Need can be over-consuming and very destructive. It puts a block on love and stops connection with others. Need feels very sticky and tries to grab (it can be suffocating) you whereas love leaves you to be, giving you space.
I love the open and honest way you write Maggie, I too know what its like to have a very close bond with a dog, you will have to meet my dog Roxy, who is ten now so getting on in years but still acts like a puppy at times. This is a very moving story Maggie thanks for sharing it.
Hi Kevin, I do love writing; it really does help me to understand and appreciate situations and as I am trying to explain things/events/reactions to myself I find that I am innately going deeper within myself for answers. On reflection, I did this at primary school all those years ago . I would love to meet Roxy, she sounds adorable and benefitting from her freedom to be a beautiful dog, full of honesty and unconditional love ❤ .
This is lovely to read about, and so important in any relationship, ‘We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.’
Just reading your blog again Maggie, it is such a beautiful and honest sharing and will be a huge inspiration for many who will get to read this, thank you for sharing.
The support from Students of The Livingness along with Serge Benhayon as far as I can see from what you have shared is how true love can bring healing to humanity. This is a great blog Maggie that we can all learn from!
Great call Maggie, ‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself’. Which brings it back to responsibility, and being, building that love with ourselves first.
It is truly a great realisation that Maggie came to and what a life changer it proved to be. This is so inspiring…
This is a very important learning and one that really can change our lives too “I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself. ” When we allow ourselves to love ourselves truly and be the love we are by building this love in our bodies with every single movement and thing we do it allows us an amazing feeling inside and fills any emptiness we may have felt .We can build a consistency of love as a way of being and our love becomes unconditional with everyone. Dogs are an amazing reflection to us of unconditional love and show us this being always there and forgiving and open and an amazing companion and learning for us all. A very beautiful blog and sharing Maggie thank you.
Yesterday I had the loveliest interaction with a dog at the market which led to an equally lovely interaction with his human. The dog, Fred (to protect his privacy) was at a market stall I go to each week – he was super calm, loved a pat and some interaction with me. His human, Frank (not his real name!) and I struck up a conversation and I felt how super tender and loving this man is, but isn’t able to express towards humans. When it comes to Fred, he is a mushball. Yes it’s emotional, but it is more than that. It feels like Fred has a way to allow Frank to open up and express love. Frank confided something to me that confirmed this. Fred is a loyal companion for this man and and Fred knows it – following him around and staying by his side. I contemplated that perhaps in this life, Fred is what Frank needs to help him open up and trust love again.
When relationships trigger emotional reactions that drain me or take me away from feeling clear and strong (connected to myself and my own power), I know that something is wrong. I have chosen to give my power to another’s view, pain, reaction, criticism etc. Knowing this is such a blessing because I can then choose to claim myself back. You have claimed yourself Maggie!
What if relationships are an opportunity to reflect the love we are and the neediness shows us where we are yet to be aware of our own love first?
‘We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.’ A beautiful realisation Maggie, when we lose our attachment we free ourselves up for greater Love.
Love this too Jenny – “… when we lose our attachment we free ourselves up for greater Love.” And it’s so awesome when we start to experience this.
Our relationships with our animals are very often based on an attachment – the love from a dog is so pure and unconditional that it is easier to turn to and rely on than to face the difficulties of forming truly loving relationships with human beings. But dealing with this allows space for the relationship with our dogs to grow and change – they can be them and we don’t need anything
This is beautiful to read about Maggie, and makes so much sense, ‘the more loving choices I made for myself and the more I focussed on my relationship with myself, the more Henry relaxed into his relationship with me and our new life.’
And we can transfer that into all areas of our lives where relationships are concerned, be it with other people or pets or aninmals.
‘We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.’ …. what an awesome gift Henry left you with that you are now able to take to all your relationships, whilst still treasuring him in your heart, always.
Dogs offer a wonderful reflection for consistency and playfulness. They always greet us with love in their own unique and joyful way.
What I have come to see is that we have a responsibility in all relationships to step back and say ‘am I needing anything out of this and am I emotionally attached’ – we don’t ever do this enough and it is so important, no matter who the relationship is with (an animal or a person or even food or TV) I know I used horses and dogs to make me feel better when I was younger = but this was so draining on me and I am sure on them!
What an opportunity we now have to be honest with where we are at in relationships and free ourselves from all the attachment and emotion that can come with them.
When we’re looking for someone else to fill a void inside us, we’re actually choosing not to honour who we are which lays us open to attracting an ‘unhealthy’ match leading to a roller coaster relationship, which is very harmful to both parties. When we live in connection to who we innately are, the law of attraction works it’s magic and we will meet someone we can love and evolve with.
‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself’, you’re not alone there Maggie. As soon as I understood what it actually meant to ‘love myself’ and started allowing myself to do so, my relationships completely changed. Feeling the love from within meant I didn’t need anything from anyone, of course, at times I may wobble a little and then it’s awesome to talk things through with someone. The love we all have nestled deep inside is a constant that’s always there for us, unconditionally so, it’s our foundation, something we can trust and rely on whatever life throws at us. It will keep us steady in the roughest of seas.
I absolutely loved reading about your evolving relationship with Henry – what a beautiful teacher he was and how fitting that you were able to show him true love in those last weeks, not emotional pandering or neediness but an absolute honouring of him and the very special relationship that you’d developed together.
‘It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.’ – well said, Maggie, this is love. It’s not helping anyone to ‘pander’, you allow the person to continue to wallow in their emotion whilst confirming that’s it’s ok to do so.
I love coming back to this blog. There is something so lovely about your relationship with Henry, and it shows us all how a relationship of need can indeed be turned into a truly loving relationship, whether with dog or human. The connection between you feels absolutely gorgeous and your love is absolutely huge. Thank you so much for sharing.
You nailed it Rebecca – ‘it shows us all how a relationship of need can indeed be turned into a truly loving relationship.’ And what an important lesson to share with the world, Maggie. No doubt there are many people in the world who have needy relationships – amazing to have found your way back to love.
What a surprising story Maggie. If I hadn’t read it thoroughly, I would have thought you were talking about a human being. I can now better understand what people see in dogs and their ways of loving us unconditionally. And how it is for us to not see that this is not unique but as something we can do and feel for everybody as well. Just like people can truly love us.
Re reading your sharing Maggie I can only say it is a wonderful lesson in true love for us all. We learn so much from our pets about ourselves and life . Thank you once again for this beautiful sharing.
Thank you for sharing such a personal and intimate experience Maggie, and how inspiring that through your own healing Henry received the healing that supported him as he passed over. Beautiful and so simple.
What strikes me in reading your blog Maggie, is the absolute respect and full appreciation you held Henry in. To experience this is absolutely golden, and the hallmark of one whose heart holds a great capacity for love. In building our relationship with self, it’s important to truly take stock of, and appreciate such a deep capacity, and how willing one is to reveal and work through any emptiness/neediness within.
I don’t feel that we acknowledge such willingness, in the face of what we meet in life and our relationships – and truly appreciate our own steps to healing as being worth the gold that they are. It’s all to easy to feel we need to be ‘more’…
This is such a deeply personal experience to share Maggie. Thank-you for doing so, so very openly.
There’s actually no ‘end point’ to any relationship, is there… And in all of our relationships in life, we have the opportunity to learn – and learn a great deal, as you have done. That is, if we are willing – willing to see our own needs, dependencies, and through the reflection of our relationships with others, be offered the opportunity to go deeper in our relationship with ourselves.
There is such a true richness of love to be lived, when we let go the need for another to ‘complete us’, as is so often said.
I have felt that often the bond with a dog or child, and with some adults, carries a beautiful simplicity, unencumbered of any burden of mind or emotion. In reading your article I could feel the simple warmth and loving bond you had with Henry and it reminded me of some of the beauty and joy of simplicity in connection that is too often ignored but when experienced is so natural and true.
Living with a dog is like living with a human – you know each other inside out. The safety of not being judged or rejected by a dog allows many to be less protected and more open to sharing them self. That is of purpose but only when we don´t keep it there but bring it into our relationships with people.
Beautifully said Alex, I can relate to your point. As a child who would often speak to our cat, the feeling of not being judged allowed me to open up and say exactly what I was feeling. But as you rightly point out, it’s important to bring this openness to all of our relationships.
Unconditional love is the lesson we can learn with a dog to live it with people equally. To reserve one´s trust and love for an animal but not live it with people means to not love at all.
Letting go of attachment and need is the most incredibly freeing choice and allows the space for choices of True Love and honouring of ourselves.
It is a unique experience to feel loved back by an animal. This is a rare thing to experience in the animal kingdom.
It is interesting to read that once you started to love yourself rather than depend on the external, in this case Henry, to bring it to you, then the unstoppable grief transformed into a deeper more equal relationship, and Henry’s passing was peaceful. It shows how our emotions reveal that there is something deeper to explore in ourselves, as we are not with ourselves. Maggie this is a wonderful & inspiring story.
What a beautiful bond you had with your dog Maggie, especially when you developed your love and care of yourself so that you no longer were dependent on him. By taking responsibility for our own love and nurturing we set ourselves and others free to share love from a deeper and more respectful space.
“I was frightened by my coping mechanisms. I realised that these had been left unchecked and had become enormously destructive.” This feels like the moment you began to break through Maggie. Becoming aware of your coping mechanisms and realising that they were not the you that was observing them, opened up all the opportunities to choose to become and live your true self.
Yes Susan, I remember several pangs of anxiety in past relationships too; but now I am becoming more sensitive and it’s incredible where anxiousness creeps in! I watched all of the Wimbledon Championships with remarkable ease until the final when I slowly became aware of that old familiar knot in my stomach and realised that it was ANXIETY. I would never have realised that earlier! I recollected my self with a gentler posture and continued to enjoy the tennis!
I agree with your every word, thank you Mary; I just love dogs!
I think we can all relate to being in toxic co-dependent relationships to varying degrees where we lose ourselves and seek someone else to fill our emptiness. For me it wasn’t until I discovered Serge Benhayon and his presentations of the Ageless Wisdom I had any idea who I even was let alone know how to connect deeply with myself and my sacred femaleness the tender fragile woman that I am and to feel complete with my own in my own self-love.
As a dog owner I can so relate with this article, my dog Jet has also been my best friend and has also offered me an insightful reflection along with loyalty and true love. Thanks for revealing how amazing dogs are
Love of another is wonderful, but needing them to fill our emptiness will never bring true joy. A great development on offer for us all when we are willing to be honest with ourselves.
‘I began to understand my need to have Henry bolstering my life because of my own emptiness.’ This is a profound revelation to have and is also relevant for those with pets or without… just add in a need for a partner and or children, or friendships and it is the same. There is a difference between being in a relationship to fill a gap and being emotionally dependent on it to feeling content and stable within ourselves and bringing that to a relationship.
A beautiful testimony to Henry and the power of relationships. Thank you for sharing this incredibly precious process and the forever expanding connection we have with life when we are humble enough to learn.
This is a great example Maggie of how much pressure we put on our pets to be our everything because we are unwilling to do that for ourselves. Hats off to you for recognising this and then choosing to just be with your best friend and companion.
Thank you Maggie and all commenters to this blog. I’ve never had a pet or or fully understood the bond between man woman and dog. As a child and adult bitten by a dog and lived in fear of them for years. The TV Programme ‘Dog Whisperer’ transformed my understanding of dogs and their relationship with human beings. Through this programme and my friend’s pet dog, Roxy, I began to lose my fear of dogs. I remember well the day this friend came to my home, with Roxy and he came to where I sat, lay at my feet and looked up at me in such a loving way, my heart simply melted. I can see how dogs are a reflection of unconditional love.
Maggie you let us feel how it is possible to change conditional love into unconditional love . . . thank you for not holding back your experience with it.
I can see how sometimes people find it easier to be in loving relationships with animals more than people, especially after being hurt emotionally or even physically in human relationships. But what stood out for me while reading Maggie’s story is how she was able to use her relationship with her dog to actually heal a pattern of co-dependence that would potentially effect all her other human relationships. However, only through deep honesty was this possible, just as in any true healing.
When I observe dogs I am often inspired by their gorgeous playfulness (especially when they play out in the park), with their wagging tails, floppy ears and a joy that resonates through their entire bodies. I used to love taking my own dogs for a walk when I was a child as I found their joy to be infections and I always felt lighter as a result. I still love watching dogs in the park now and they still have the same effect on me. I love how dogs can be of service and I am always blown a way by the dedication and commitment of working dogs and of their intelligence, instincts and loyalty to their masters, but I have never been fluffy or emotional about them. What is great about what you have shared is that we can have an intimate relationship with a dog, where a mutual service and support can take place but my feeling is that it is important not to confuse dogs with being human or as having the same needs or emotions as a human – they are dogs after all and are made up differently.
Absolutely Michelle! I read several books by Jan Fennell, a dog listener, and she transformed my view of dogs and their standing in the family home. Her DVD was very informative! I love how dogs show no judgement and are completely truthful with us: we know exactly where we are with them. If I felt out of sorts, stroking Henry would restore my balance and I love the love and support that they offer to the blind and the elderly when they are taken into nursing homes.
This story about the mutual love between a person and a dog is great because it breaks down the personal interpretation of love and shows how true love really is healing and an agent of change within all our relationships.
Maggie that is great to hear, something I have found is the less attached and needy I am of someone the more I actually feel the love for them. It is completely different when you need the person or thing.
Dogs are amazing at rebuilding our trust in love. Unfortunately many of us stop there and save all our sweetness and loveliness for our dogs, meanwhile the rest of humanity misses out. I now can see that our relationship with our dogs can be a way of hiding away from the world and not letting people feel or see the loveliness we are. We need to appreciate all the relationship with our dogs offers, but not use them as a crutch or excuse for not connecting with people.
Many dogs show me what true selflessness and consistency is about. They are loving in every moment of every day, they greet you with the same enthusiasm if you have been out for 10 minutes or 10 hours and they do not judge how you are. This has been an amazing refection to see in my life and now instead of just using it to fill myself, I see it as a reflection of how we can be in life.
Yes, dogs are great teachers when it comes to living life without judgement.
More and more I am seeing dogs taking on the excess emotional baggage of the owners. I was recently wondering what our rates of illness and disease, which is already out of control, would be if we didn’t have pets
What a gorgeous story to read this morning. I have lived with dogs for most of my life and had a similar relationship with them. They were the ones that you could trust to love you unconditionally and to fill up all those empty spaces within myself. I thought nothing of this until a few years ago when I realised how needy this relationship was, and how imposing it was on my dog. I had watched how different he was being minded by a friend who didn’t need anything from him but appreciated his qualities. When staying with her, my dog became very calm, settled and solid within himself. I realised what a disservice our relationship was for him.
This is a beautiful blog, Maggie. It brought tears to my eyes as I felt the special bond between you and Henry. What a beautifully honouring relationship you had towards the end. It’s so important for us to realise how needy emotional love can be and how much more space and honouring can be created when we connect to ourselves and the innate love that we are within first.
Dogs rock! They do say that a dog is a man’s best friend. This is to me because of their unconditional love. And like with all sentient beings, any relationship with another offers us an opportunity for growth.
‘At this point I turned to Universal Medicine practitioners for support and guidance because I was frightened by my coping mechanisms. I realised that these had been left unchecked and had become enormously destructive.’ – How different life can be when we take responsibility for our own health and wellbeing, and reach out for support like you did in this case.
Wow Maggie, this is a profound transformation, and such an important journey to have documented for others. I will be sure to remember it for when someone I know is struggling with facing the loss of a dearly loved pet, thank you.
It was not until our family dog died (two of them, a month apart) , did we then get a full ‘down-pour’ of the absolute blessing it was to have them share our lives for so many years. The space they had occupied in physical form, was left with the abundance of love that I did not recognise when they were alive. And then this deepened and offered huge appreciation and understanding about life and all relationships.
In my 20s and living abroad I had a puppy who I fell in love with. Sadly he got Parvovirus- probably due to my and then partner’s irresponsibility of taking him out too soon after vaccination. I couldn’t bear that he would die because of me. I couldn’t bear the connection we had no longer being there. So I opted for medication to keep him alive rather than having him put down. He died after a long week of suffering. He died when a friend briefly looked after him – my neediness wasn’t asking him to stay alive. I wasn’t greatly informed but my neediness blinded me and he suffered greatly through my choosing to not let go.
The picture of this dog is enough to make me melt. We are capable of feeling so much love, and animals tend to bring this out of us. Dogs are good teachers in unconditional love.
“I started returning home to me rather than to Henry, ” Yes it is so important in any relationship to always keep coming home to ourselves too. It is sometimes very tempting to let anyone else solve my problems and be there for me, but there will then always be something missing inside me. I love the words coming home to yourself feels beautiful.
Death is part of love.
‘We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.’ This is beautiful Maggie and testament to what true relationships are all about.
Wether our relationships are with our furry friends or non furry friends it is equally a learning and loving experience that alters our lives in truly amazing ways. When we let go our our needs and control we surrender to honesty and intimacy, it’s a learning free for all. Thank you Maggie .
‘My hardest challenge was to learn to be utterly truthful with myself’ – so often we kid ourselves with what we want to see rather than what is actually real and true. What I’m feeling is the harm that ensues when we do this – we think we’re doing it for the best of ourselves, or others, but actually it’s based on a need to have things a certain way so that we feel okay about ourselves, out of need and not out of love. Great to read how you realised this about yourself, and from that place were able to deal with your stuff and let go of your attachments and need, creating space for a truly loving relationship.
“I began to see my car as mine rather than Henry’s. I started returning home to me rather than to Henry” – so poignant Maggie, and so subtle too to realise just how much we do give of ourselves to someone else be that a pet, or a partner. When we take back this ownership, is like we take back our energy supply again … and with increased energy there is an increase in true joy purely because we now have the self-fuelled energy to sustain it, as opposed the otherwise drained-ness that causes a depressing and a depression, literally.. and where there is depression there is always need(iness).
This ownership of self is hugely important. Like you say it comes with its own energy supply having dumped the drains and needs of living for someone or something else. This has huge repercussions all around us and this can only be a good thing.
A very beautiful story Maggie, deeply felt. And the journey of how you came back to you – gorgeous. ‘ I rediscovered for the first time in a very long while the true beauty-full me, I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!’
‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself.’ How often have we fallen for this one ourselves? I know I have in the past and yet even at the time there was a feeling that something wasn’t quite right, a feeling that there had to be more. What I have learned with the support of esoteric practitioners and Universal Medicine is that ‘the more’ is returning to our own love that allows us to have loving relationships void of need.
“I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!” This says it all Maggie. And beautiful Henry showed you that reflection. How gorgeous is your story of True Love.
“We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.” It is so wonderful that you have reached this level of communication and connection and with an animal. It is disturbing to feel that in this day and age many people don’t even get to express this level of love with another human being. Dogs teach us so much. They are incredible gifts to humanity.
What you share is another profound example on how deeply important our day to day choices are.
’I knew that this reaction was not okay but couldn’t seem to stop myself from slipping into a pattern of anger, frustration and resentment towards this person and how I believed he was negatively affecting my relationship with my sister.’ – I love how you started to look at your own behaviour and brought yourself out of the victimhood, and then came to realize what was actually being offered to you.
This blog is so needed due to the relationships we have with our pets and in a way put pressure on them to be everything we need from life but are not willing to give to ourselves. Reading this really brings home the level of emotion vets must experience when a client brings in their beloved pet to be put to sleep.
What I see in this blog is the journey we all make from destructive coping mechanisms back to living ways of self-love.
I remember the relationship I had with my cat when I was growing up. She was my companion at the time. It as a very close bond. It’s amazing the depth of connection we can have with our pets.
Our relationships with animals are no different to humans and we can learn so much from them. I am deeply inspired whenever I read a story about how a relationship has evolved when true love is the focus and Maggie’s story is no exception. Thank you Maggie for sharing.
Whether it is a pet, partner, family member or friend, when we realise there is an attachment because of our own emptiness we have a choice to heal. Being absolutely honest with myself and becoming aware of any attachment relying on another to bring love to me is one of the first steps to healing myself and therefore having true love in my relationships.
You know Maggie, i love the way that Henry responded so favourably and naturally to your changing ways of self-love, with the grace that he showed you in regards his actions (waiting for you at the stairs that time) that allowed mutual trust and respect: “We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement”. Your relationship with Henry became one of equals as opposed to one of ‘top dog’ (!)
What a heartfelt and honest post Maggie — ” I began to understand my need to have Henry bolstering my life because of my own emptiness” – from attachment and need, to letting go for true love… So beautiful that you had the insight and opportunity to deal with this, and with it set a new way for all your relationships human and the pet kind too.
A beautiful sharing on how allowing space in any of our relationships allows everyone to bloom. That is truly inspiring and takes the neediness out of the equation and brings it back to responsibility in all connections. Thank you Maggie.
This is a fabulous story expressing the difference between an emotionally dependent relationship which is the type we tend to have and one without that attachment. I love how as a result of enlisting support to let go of what prompted this dependency, you and Henry had a deeper connection towards the end of his life and the sharing of your time together is gorgeous to read.
It is so inspiring to read about people finding a truer way to be in relationship, the genuine love, trust, connection, evolution.
This is such a generous blog Maggie, you have shared openly and honestly with no judgement of yourself, it has been very touching to read.
That is quite an incredible turn around Maggie, because as you say so often we expect our pets to fill an emptiness within us that is really our responsibility to look after and very few people are willing to admit it. It is very inspiring to read how you realised this and picked up your responsibility to address your neediness and transform your relationship with Henry. The joy of this blog though is that we can really apply the lesson to all the relationships we have in our lives, whether they be with pets, children, partners, relatives or friends. Relationships built on neediness are void of true love, truly loving relationships begin with us loving ourselves first and then our love naturally flows with others, which as you say allows everyone space to be who they are and develops a strong foundation of trust and care that supports everyone concerned all the way.
“Indeed, sharing your life with one is generally accepted as a 24/7 intense relationship!” Intense relationships based on love and evolving I’m all for. These opportunities we usually pass on by because it hurts too much, we blame, and we don’t see the beauty and appreciate the amazing opportunity to go deeper through responsibility. There is always more to see and heal through the power of love, evolution and truth.
Gosh Maggie – what an amazing blog. I love this line – ‘we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined’, that’s got to be one of the keys to all relationships, we’re all here to evolve and all at different places on our own evolutionary path, and our commitment in life always has to be to that first and foremost…. and it’s a truly beautiful way to live.
Maggie this single sentence is dynamite ‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself’, as so many of us look elsewhere for the love that we are missing. We do not need to be told that love is missing because love is who we all are, therefore to not live the love that we are causes an emptiness in us all. I think that even when we’re happy, deep down we’re actually grieving ourselves.
Maggie what you have shared about Serge Benhayon’s books ‘It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right’ is so true. Things that pander to emotions simply add dampness to dampness, thereby creating the perfect environment for mould. Serge Benhayon presents the fiery truth, which dries out the dampness and restores things back to their original fiery nature.
Maggie having just read your incredible tale about your relationship with Henry, it is quite extraordinary to consider that your relationship with him was so much deeper and more intimate than so many human relationships.
“We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.”
This is a beautiful example of true relationship and how it can naturally unfold once we make the commitment to heal and develop ourselves first.
Thank you Maggie for sharing your journey with Henry and the beautiful lesson you learned about the true meaning of unconditional love.
It never fails to amaze me the bond we can have with our pets and how much they can mean to us. It sounds like you learnt a lot through the whole experience Maggie and came out a more loving together person.
I have also been emotionally attached to my pets, feeling a need for them to fill the emptiness or smooth the emotional turmoil within. They have also provided a reflection of something pure, innocent and loving in an often harsh, given up and uncaring world. I’ve also known people who have been in long term reaction to a pet loss and not been able to own another pet – it just felt too painful for them. What this blog offers is an opportunity to be in connection with animals beyond need, and still face with love their physical death and move on.
Hi Melinda, yes; I was utterly distraught when my Burmese cat died. She’d lived with diabetes 2 for over 5 years and no matter how many cats I looked at, I couldn’t have another back then. We were on holiday with her at the time, when I realised that she was unwell and by the end of the week I had put on so much weight (1½ st) that I had to wear my husband’s shorts! It took many years to reduce my weight. She saw me through some pretty horrific times, including bullying at work. Back then the world was a very cruel placeto me and she offered me comfort and security; I otherwise felt very alone.