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Everyday Livingness
Friendships, Relationships 473 Comments on My Best Friend, Henry

My Best Friend, Henry

By Maggie · On July 5, 2016

For most of my life I have been an emotional wreck, tossed around on a roller-coaster of highs and lows – one moment in the height of ecstasy, the next deep in the dark dungeon of despair – and it was within one of these lows that I found myself in April 2014. Benson, my ex’s dog whom I saw daily, often staying with me, suddenly collapsed and died.

The Passing of Benson and Realising the Mortality of Henry

I sobbed all the way home from the vets and the next week I had to take days off work; I couldn’t hold back my tears. I started getting angry with myself. I had throbbing headaches, my sinuses were screaming at me and my contact lenses were so cloudy with tears I couldn’t see properly.

I looked at my dog Henry and the realisation dawned that I could not possibly continue like this. If I were THIS badly affected over Benson’s death, how on earth would I cope with Henry’s?

At this point I turned to Universal Medicine practitioners for support and guidance because I was frightened by my coping mechanisms. I realised that these had been left unchecked and had become enormously destructive.

I had read the majority of books by Serge Benhayon and welcomed his frankness about life: there is a hard-hitting truth in all that he writes, and it really does make sense! It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.

Henry was my loyal and willing companion, the only being at the time whom I felt to have shown me unconditional love. It’s true to say that in him I had invested my love, my hopes and dreams, and so later that April I felt my future shattered when Henry’s mortality was suddenly realised!

We went to the vet because of a limp, the vet surmising that Henry had cancer in his shoulder that was impeding his movement: I was offered the choice of amputation or euthanasia. Stricken with fear I immediately reacted with amputation – I could not lose him!

And so we were dispatched to a larger practice with an MRI scanner for an accurate diagnosis by an orthopedic surgeon the following morning. She commented later that Henry’s eyes never left me, admiring the bond between us. I had never noticed, just taken us for granted!

That evening Henry’s own vet gently advised that given Henry’s age, his previous surgery and general arthritic condition, Henry’s movement on three legs would be very restricted. There was no doubt that he would survive the operation; in all other manners Henry was incredibly fit and healthy, but now we were looking at life quality.

The flat-coated retriever is known for its exuberance for life, its mischief, and for its love of everyone. Indeed, sharing your life with one is generally accepted as a 24/7 intense relationship!

Assistance is always forthcoming whether searching through cupboards, tying shoelaces or gardening. Gone would be Henry’s reversing skills as he cleverly extricated himself from tight situations; launching onto the sofa, sending cushions flying, charging up and down the stairs, leaping onto my bed and making a nest in my duvet and diving into his basket to retrieve one of his teddy bears.

Letting Go of Attachment and Need

That night I sobbed, and between sobs I realised that I was in a victim vortex that was spinning out of control. I desperately tried to regain some level of composure, to breathe gently, but initially my emotions fought back. As my body began to relax as I surrendered to its shudders I heard the words, palliative care, palliative care. I never listened; they were meaningless words, and cold comfort back then.

Now I understand and I appreciate and recognise the solace that was being offered to me that long and difficult night as the orthopaedic surgeon’s words of palliative care and a regime of pain therapy rang little bells of celebration in my head when I returned to discuss Henry’s diagnosis.

As I settled into a life of administering Henry’s drug therapy, I saw and continued to see and work with esoteric practitioners about my own state of being. In the beginning it was a wrench leaving him for a day as I travelled down to Oxford to see my practitioner, because I wanted to share every day with him. Every moment with Henry was so precious to me at the time, like a clinging child not wanting to leave its mother.

Through the sessions with my practitioner I realised that there was no me in our relationship; that I had delegated my life to Henry and so over time and by my own observations I began to understand my need to have Henry bolstering my life because of my own emptiness.

I had invested so much in this that I was emotionally attached, dependent on Henry utterly. And so, with my esoteric practitioner’s support I was able to work on letting go of this attachment, this need, and to focus on re-building me.

I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself. With this, I began to notice that the more loving choices I made for myself and the more I focussed on my relationship with myself, the more Henry relaxed into his relationship with me and our new life.

Learning to change my life in this way was not always easy, however the commitment was all mine – and learning that the way in which I did things would make a huge difference to the outcome was a massive responsibility.

There was no quick-fix and it was sometimes challenging, but I began seeing some rewards, often just tiny ones, and with the support of Serge Benhayon and my esoteric practitioner I was able to enjoy the remainder of my life together with Henry.

Learning to be Utterly Truthful with Myself

I started not looking around for Henry when I realised that he had been silent for what I felt was too long. I would trust that he was sleeping peacefully.

I began to see my car as mine rather than Henry’s. I started returning home to me rather than to Henry, and I started to make evening plans so that Henry became more my companion rather than my constant and only companion.

I began to realise that there would be a life post-Henry for me.

To begin with it was very hard as I realised how much I needed him to protect me from those things that I didn’t want to do. Staying in with Henry gave me excuses to not venture out as a single person into a seemingly brand new and rather frightening world!

My hardest challenge though, was to learn to be utterly truthful with myself.

In the past I would con myself that things weren’t that bad! Now, I had to be very alert and acknowledge when Henry showed any sign of pain rather than pretend he was okay, because I was still frightened of losing him.

On the surface it seemed so easy to just register that he was in pain and liaise with the vets, but fear would often strike me and my insides would start to writhe with my own anxiety.

And so it was my sense of duty that ruled, forcing me to make the call: but as our routine became easier and as I worked on continuing to make more loving choices for myself, I relaxed, feeling freer to make the call out of love, rather than fear of loss.

And for those remaining months we shared a deeper quality of life.

Henry climbed up the stairs and manoeuvred his forelegs onto my bed so that I could gather his back legs and lift him up and then he would rearrange his blanket where he slept. We had the same arrangement with the car and sofa, but he always managed to climb the stairs on his own.

I admired his resilience and determination, and watching Henry over those last few months I realised that the bond that the surgeon had originally witnessed was one borne of a true love and not the emotional one that had kept us enslaved.

Looking back, Henry had always trusted me. He seemed to know when I was making him feel more comfortable, or even making him better.

A Truer Connection – Love Born of Mutual Trust

That dreadful day when I realised that Henry was in so much pain with his shoulder that he could not climb down the stairs, he waited until I returned with his harness.  He worked with me, so together we managed to climb down. From then on he would always wait for me to walk down with him, sometimes wanting me to slip my fingers through his collar first.

We both knew that we could do these things together, and without realising at the time that we now shared a love born of mutual trust. We had set each other free from our emotional entanglement.

Looking back over our last few months when I watched Henry sleeping, when I told him I loved him as I stroked his chest, or even when his excitement grew as his suppertime neared, I felt that lovely warm, comforting glow from my inner heart and not that rush of wringing emotion lower down.

We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.

We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.

We shared a relaxing few weeks together that December: I read, corresponded with Serge Benhayon and my friends or listened to my audios from the Esoteric Medicine series with Henry either lying on the sofa beside me, or sprawled out on his sheepskin rug in front of our open fire. I began to feel a slightly better level of being as the days passed, but then one day I realised that Henry wasn’t quite himself.

His painkillers had increased until his cheeky smile and general zest for life faded: his heart, the biggest most generous and courageous heart I have ever known, grew too tired of life.

A few days later Henry passed over on 6 January 2015, having developed what was suspected to have been another tumor.

A few nights before I lovingly said goodbye to my best friend, after we had enjoyed a wonderfully, peaceful day together during which I held my loving connection to my being and was relaxing in bed, I realised how peacefully Henry was lying across my body, totally relaxed and at one with me; sharing our joy, love, trust and truth. I felt that he too was connected to his own inner-self and I smiled, knowing that he was preparing his body for death; a body that had given its all, but which was now ready to surrender. 

With the continued love and support from the many beauty-full people whom I have met over the last few years through Universal Medicine and the unbelievable joy at my first workshops when I rediscovered for the first time in a very long while the true beauty-full me, I know that deep within is all the love in the world – just waiting for me!

By Maggie, Chorley, England

Further Reading:
True Relationships – Being Love First, not Demanding it from Others
Love and Relationship Audio
National dog day – August 26 2105

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Maggie

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473 Comments

  • Gill Randall says: August 6, 2016 at 4:53 pm

    There is such a learning here for us all Maggie, how we can learn to let go of attachments and need in all relationships. The day we decided we had to have our lovely family dog put down due to ill health , she died 2 hours before the vet appointment. We have all the knowledge we need within us, when we let go of the outcomes and simply build a relationship from love.

    Reply
  • Raegan says: August 5, 2016 at 4:59 pm

    What a beautiful sharing, I am sure there are elements in all of us who have placed need or expectation onto another, an animal or situation. We all have played the victim role at some point in life. The fact that you sought help and began to get really honest with yourself is truly fantastic.

    Reply
  • Vicky Geary says: August 4, 2016 at 7:59 pm

    Needing or depending on another for the love we aren’t willing to give ourselves for me always ends up in the deterioration of a relationship and the resentment and frustration that builds up. Every step away back towards honoring and loving myself naturally re-builds all of my relationships.

    Reply
  • Shirl Scott says: August 1, 2016 at 2:36 pm

    Rereading your blog Maggie is such a joy and a great inspiration; I so very much appreciate your honesty. When I ponder the relationship I have with my dog I am reminded of the evolution and level of responsibility I have to myself first and foremost, thus flowing to my dog, and indeed to all life.

    Reply
  • Cathy Hackett says: July 30, 2016 at 5:29 pm

    A profound blog that has resonance for all relationships. You describe a truly beautiful process of evolution both together and separately and what stays with me most is the realisation you offer that our lives are our own journeys and not intertwined.

    Reply
  • margaret shadforth says: July 30, 2016 at 7:03 am

    Your relationship with your dog presented you with the blessing of beautiful healing that with the support of your sessions you were able to unpack and share with humanity. thanks Maggie.

    Reply
  • Sandra Dallimore says: July 28, 2016 at 7:54 pm

    I have returned again to your blog Maggie. As I read it this time, it reminded me again of my last few months and weeks with my 2 dogs Rosie and Charlie who died 18 months apart. It was such a beautiful time and I got to see and feel the grace with which they both lived their last days. They knew what was coming and they surrendered to it. It taught me a whole lot about surrender, grace and tenderness.

    Reply
  • Sandra Dallimore says: July 27, 2016 at 8:49 pm

    I always wondered how I would know when the time was right to make the loving choice to have my dogs put down. I had a fear that I wouldn’t know and that they would suffer in pain. But I did know, with both of them. When I was willing to see and accept where they were at, they both just let go and their condition deteriorated within 24 hours – severely so. They can sense where we are at. They both knew when I’d accepted that it was time, and they literally let go in their bodies so that it was so obvious that it was time. The process was so very gracious and quite beautiful and their was no grieving for a life lost, but much joy at a life lived in full and to be celebrated.

    Reply
  • Sandra Dallimore says: July 27, 2016 at 8:37 pm

    When I got my dogs in my mid 30s, I was very aware that this was a cushion, an emotional decision because I wanted children and didn’t have them. I told myself that they would be good practice for when I did. It was only when I got involved in the work of Universal Medicine that I was able to really look at this need and I began to treat my dogs as beloved dogs but not as surrogate children. The change in them was remarkable over time. Their behaviour changed, they were more settled and they could just be dogs and not have the burden of the imposition from me to be more.

    Reply
  • Elizabeth Dolan says: July 27, 2016 at 5:18 pm

    Dogs are amazing, they teach us so much. The great thing is that you were being honest about what was occurring for you. We can face and get through any situation in life if we accept what is occurring and be honest about it.

    Reply
  • James Nicholson says: July 27, 2016 at 3:42 pm

    Need can be over-consuming and very destructive. It puts a block on love and stops connection with others. Need feels very sticky and tries to grab (it can be suffocating) you whereas love leaves you to be, giving you space.

    Reply
  • Kevin McHardy says: July 27, 2016 at 1:31 pm

    I love the open and honest way you write Maggie, I too know what its like to have a very close bond with a dog, you will have to meet my dog Roxy, who is ten now so getting on in years but still acts like a puppy at times. This is a very moving story Maggie thanks for sharing it.

    Reply
    • Maggie says: August 14, 2016 at 6:23 pm

      Hi Kevin, I do love writing; it really does help me to understand and appreciate situations and as I am trying to explain things/events/reactions to myself I find that I am innately going deeper within myself for answers. On reflection, I did this at primary school all those years ago . I would love to meet Roxy, she sounds adorable and benefitting from her freedom to be a beautiful dog, full of honesty and unconditional love ❤ .

      Reply
  • Lorraine Wellman says: July 25, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    This is lovely to read about, and so important in any relationship, ‘We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.’

    Reply
  • Karina says: July 25, 2016 at 4:02 am

    Just reading your blog again Maggie, it is such a beautiful and honest sharing and will be a huge inspiration for many who will get to read this, thank you for sharing.

    Reply
  • Greg Barnes says: July 24, 2016 at 8:30 pm

    The support from Students of The Livingness along with Serge Benhayon as far as I can see from what you have shared is how true love can bring healing to humanity. This is a great blog Maggie that we can all learn from!

    Reply
  • Lorraine Wellman says: July 24, 2016 at 6:06 pm

    Great call Maggie, ‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself’. Which brings it back to responsibility, and being, building that love with ourselves first.

    Reply
    • Karina says: July 25, 2016 at 4:07 am

      It is truly a great realisation that Maggie came to and what a life changer it proved to be. This is so inspiring…

      Reply
  • triciaNicholson says: July 24, 2016 at 3:58 pm

    This is a very important learning and one that really can change our lives too “I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself. ” When we allow ourselves to love ourselves truly and be the love we are by building this love in our bodies with every single movement and thing we do it allows us an amazing feeling inside and fills any emptiness we may have felt .We can build a consistency of love as a way of being and our love becomes unconditional with everyone. Dogs are an amazing reflection to us of unconditional love and show us this being always there and forgiving and open and an amazing companion and learning for us all. A very beautiful blog and sharing Maggie thank you.

    Reply
  • Sandra Dallimore says: July 24, 2016 at 3:08 pm

    Yesterday I had the loveliest interaction with a dog at the market which led to an equally lovely interaction with his human. The dog, Fred (to protect his privacy) was at a market stall I go to each week – he was super calm, loved a pat and some interaction with me. His human, Frank (not his real name!) and I struck up a conversation and I felt how super tender and loving this man is, but isn’t able to express towards humans. When it comes to Fred, he is a mushball. Yes it’s emotional, but it is more than that. It feels like Fred has a way to allow Frank to open up and express love. Frank confided something to me that confirmed this. Fred is a loyal companion for this man and and Fred knows it – following him around and staying by his side. I contemplated that perhaps in this life, Fred is what Frank needs to help him open up and trust love again.

    Reply
  • Bernadette Glass says: July 24, 2016 at 7:17 am

    When relationships trigger emotional reactions that drain me or take me away from feeling clear and strong (connected to myself and my own power), I know that something is wrong. I have chosen to give my power to another’s view, pain, reaction, criticism etc. Knowing this is such a blessing because I can then choose to claim myself back. You have claimed yourself Maggie!

    Reply
  • Bernadette Glass says: July 24, 2016 at 7:11 am

    What if relationships are an opportunity to reflect the love we are and the neediness shows us where we are yet to be aware of our own love first?

    Reply
  • Fiona Pierce says: July 24, 2016 at 6:14 am

    It’s beautiful how through recognising and letting go of attachment and need with Henry that there was more space for you both in your friendship and an actual deeper connection.

    Reply
  • Jenny James says: July 24, 2016 at 4:10 am

    ‘We had both matured in our love and found an innate security and comfort within. Our neediness had faded – we had realised that our lives were our own journeys and not intertwined.’ A beautiful realisation Maggie, when we lose our attachment we free ourselves up for greater Love.

    Reply
    • Karina says: July 25, 2016 at 4:05 am

      Love this too Jenny – “… when we lose our attachment we free ourselves up for greater Love.” And it’s so awesome when we start to experience this.

      Reply
  • Rebecca Briant says: July 23, 2016 at 8:36 pm

    Our relationships with our animals are very often based on an attachment – the love from a dog is so pure and unconditional that it is easier to turn to and rely on than to face the difficulties of forming truly loving relationships with human beings. But dealing with this allows space for the relationship with our dogs to grow and change – they can be them and we don’t need anything

    Reply
  • Lorraine Wellman says: July 23, 2016 at 3:13 pm

    This is beautiful to read about Maggie, and makes so much sense, ‘the more loving choices I made for myself and the more I focussed on my relationship with myself, the more Henry relaxed into his relationship with me and our new life.’

    Reply
    • Karina says: July 25, 2016 at 4:04 am

      And we can transfer that into all areas of our lives where relationships are concerned, be it with other people or pets or aninmals.

      Reply
  • Alison Pearson says: July 23, 2016 at 10:55 am

    ‘We shared a truer connection; and while we had for many years trusted and loved each other, I feel that we had begun to give each other more space. Importantly, we allowed each other to be our own being, respecting our choices.’ …. what an awesome gift Henry left you with that you are now able to take to all your relationships, whilst still treasuring him in your heart, always.

    Reply
  • Alison Pearson says: July 23, 2016 at 10:55 am

    Dogs offer a wonderful reflection for consistency and playfulness. They always greet us with love in their own unique and joyful way.

    Reply
  • Hannah Morden says: July 23, 2016 at 5:18 am

    What I have come to see is that we have a responsibility in all relationships to step back and say ‘am I needing anything out of this and am I emotionally attached’ – we don’t ever do this enough and it is so important, no matter who the relationship is with (an animal or a person or even food or TV) I know I used horses and dogs to make me feel better when I was younger = but this was so draining on me and I am sure on them!
    What an opportunity we now have to be honest with where we are at in relationships and free ourselves from all the attachment and emotion that can come with them.

    Reply
  • Alison Pearson says: July 22, 2016 at 5:45 pm

    When we’re looking for someone else to fill a void inside us, we’re actually choosing not to honour who we are which lays us open to attracting an ‘unhealthy’ match leading to a roller coaster relationship, which is very harmful to both parties. When we live in connection to who we innately are, the law of attraction works it’s magic and we will meet someone we can love and evolve with.

    Reply
  • Alison Pearson says: July 22, 2016 at 5:44 pm

    ‘I realised that my own emptiness came from depending on another to provide me with the love I was otherwise not giving to myself’, you’re not alone there Maggie. As soon as I understood what it actually meant to ‘love myself’ and started allowing myself to do so, my relationships completely changed. Feeling the love from within meant I didn’t need anything from anyone, of course, at times I may wobble a little and then it’s awesome to talk things through with someone. The love we all have nestled deep inside is a constant that’s always there for us, unconditionally so, it’s our foundation, something we can trust and rely on whatever life throws at us. It will keep us steady in the roughest of seas.

    Reply
  • Alison Pearson says: July 22, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    I absolutely loved reading about your evolving relationship with Henry – what a beautiful teacher he was and how fitting that you were able to show him true love in those last weeks, not emotional pandering or neediness but an absolute honouring of him and the very special relationship that you’d developed together.

    Reply
  • Alison Pearson says: July 22, 2016 at 5:08 pm

    ‘It was refreshing to read something that was not pandering to my emotional state of mind – instead I was receiving the reality of truth – and it felt right.’ – well said, Maggie, this is love. It’s not helping anyone to ‘pander’, you allow the person to continue to wallow in their emotion whilst confirming that’s it’s ok to do so.

    Reply
  • Rebecca Turner says: July 22, 2016 at 2:55 pm

    I love coming back to this blog. There is something so lovely about your relationship with Henry, and it shows us all how a relationship of need can indeed be turned into a truly loving relationship, whether with dog or human. The connection between you feels absolutely gorgeous and your love is absolutely huge. Thank you so much for sharing.

    Reply
    • Nick Probert says: August 16, 2016 at 6:05 pm

      You nailed it Rebecca – ‘it shows us all how a relationship of need can indeed be turned into a truly loving relationship.’ And what an important lesson to share with the world, Maggie. No doubt there are many people in the world who have needy relationships – amazing to have found your way back to love.

      Reply
  • Willem Plandsoen says: July 22, 2016 at 5:10 am

    What a surprising story Maggie. If I hadn’t read it thoroughly, I would have thought you were talking about a human being. I can now better understand what people see in dogs and their ways of loving us unconditionally. And how it is for us to not see that this is not unique but as something we can do and feel for everybody as well. Just like people can truly love us.

    Reply
  • Roslyn Mahony says: July 21, 2016 at 7:55 am

    Re reading your sharing Maggie I can only say it is a wonderful lesson in true love for us all. We learn so much from our pets about ourselves and life . Thank you once again for this beautiful sharing.

    Reply
  • Julie Snelgrove says: July 20, 2016 at 1:43 am

    Thank you for sharing such a personal and intimate experience Maggie, and how inspiring that through your own healing Henry received the healing that supported him as he passed over. Beautiful and so simple.

    Reply
  • Victoria Warburton says: July 18, 2016 at 7:22 am

    What strikes me in reading your blog Maggie, is the absolute respect and full appreciation you held Henry in. To experience this is absolutely golden, and the hallmark of one whose heart holds a great capacity for love. In building our relationship with self, it’s important to truly take stock of, and appreciate such a deep capacity, and how willing one is to reveal and work through any emptiness/neediness within.
    I don’t feel that we acknowledge such willingness, in the face of what we meet in life and our relationships – and truly appreciate our own steps to healing as being worth the gold that they are. It’s all to easy to feel we need to be ‘more’…

    Reply
  • Victoria Warburton says: July 18, 2016 at 7:14 am

    This is such a deeply personal experience to share Maggie. Thank-you for doing so, so very openly.
    There’s actually no ‘end point’ to any relationship, is there… And in all of our relationships in life, we have the opportunity to learn – and learn a great deal, as you have done. That is, if we are willing – willing to see our own needs, dependencies, and through the reflection of our relationships with others, be offered the opportunity to go deeper in our relationship with ourselves.
    There is such a true richness of love to be lived, when we let go the need for another to ‘complete us’, as is so often said.

    Reply
  • Grierson Ramsay says: July 18, 2016 at 4:24 am

    I have felt that often the bond with a dog or child, and with some adults, carries a beautiful simplicity, unencumbered of any burden of mind or emotion. In reading your article I could feel the simple warmth and loving bond you had with Henry and it reminded me of some of the beauty and joy of simplicity in connection that is too often ignored but when experienced is so natural and true.

    Reply
  • Alex Braun says: July 18, 2016 at 3:47 am

    Living with a dog is like living with a human – you know each other inside out. The safety of not being judged or rejected by a dog allows many to be less protected and more open to sharing them self. That is of purpose but only when we don´t keep it there but bring it into our relationships with people.

    Reply
    • Nick Probert says: August 16, 2016 at 5:59 pm

      Beautifully said Alex, I can relate to your point. As a child who would often speak to our cat, the feeling of not being judged allowed me to open up and say exactly what I was feeling. But as you rightly point out, it’s important to bring this openness to all of our relationships.

      Reply
  • Alex Braun says: July 18, 2016 at 3:44 am

    Unconditional love is the lesson we can learn with a dog to live it with people equally. To reserve one´s trust and love for an animal but not live it with people means to not love at all.

    Reply
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