Before learning how to celebrate me, the way I had learnt to celebrate birthdays was by getting wasted. My 30th birthday celebration – joints, coffee, drinking and getting wasted From early in the morning, joints are passed around. Then copious amounts of coffee, then more joints. This continues for most of the day, with a bit of drama and a bit of ‘trying to be nice’ to each other. By the late afternoon we are drinking as well. There are children everywhere, as well as bottles and ashtrays. Before dinner is anywhere near ready I find myself at the bathroom sink splashing water across my face. I look into the mirror. I see a white face, but that is all I allow myself to see. I don’t want to look too closely as I don’t like to truly see my reflection when I am wasted. I have the shakes, the sweats, and feel like I may be sick. I try to breathe through it and slowly find my way back downstairs to the couch. I have a little rest until I am ready to continue on to have another drink, to help prepare the food, and to smoke another joint. By the ...