Creating an exercise plan to support me rather than to attain a goal or an image is something that I would have laughed at years ago, back when exercise used to mean something very different to me. In the last few weeks I have been implementing my own exercise plan that I tailored just for me, as a support to bring all of me to life, to confirm the unique flavor my essence offers and me as being my own woman, not one dictated to by societal images.
In creating my new plan which includes some gym work and walking each or every second day, I am appreciating that the way I used to exercise and the way I exercise now and for what reasons are completely different, and feel completely different in my body also. You could say my relationship with exercise has completely changed as a ripple effect from the relationship with myself changing.
My Old Relationship with Exercise…
Exercise for me used to be about:
- achieving or maintaining a goal weight
- having a particular look
- being able to be fit and strong if I needed to defend myself
- a relief and false release of any pent up tension, anger, fury, frustration or suppressed/unexpressed feelings
- a way to deal with issues by checking-out of life and staying in a momentum
- a way to keep my body hard so as to not feel
- a way to fill the emptiness I felt, to keep me busy and not have any quiet stop moments.
The way I used exercise here, although it may have ticked a few people’s boxes, wasn’t actually healthy because there was an addiction element to it. It was much the same feeling as when I smoked – if I didn’t get a hit, I felt irritated. If I didn’t get to do my exercise, I would feel low or furious and a very tangible tension because I had not given myself the daily drug I used to relieve my undealt with hurts and emotions.
I was dedicated, focussed and had a good working knowledge of gym exercises etc. I used it as one of the things to make me feel I was ‘sort of enough’ and I would always make sure I had a ‘work-out’ if I could – to the point that I remember turning up late to an end of year teaching staff function which was held straight after school at a pub. I had to get in at least a half hour run at the gym. I then raced home, got dressed and caught the bus to the pub so I could drink – where I got wasted on a few drinks instantly. No part of me back then put two and two together saying healthy exercise should not be addictive and if you are healthy and looking after your body, you would not be putting a poison that destroys organs and alters you into it.
The fact is I was exercising to meet images and to feel I was enough, but not in truth to be healthy. True health supports you to be all of you and I was not using exercise back then to do that – I was using it as one of the ways to cover up insecurities by doing something or looking a particular way.
Deepening my Relationship with Myself
Through being inspired in a way I had not felt before, I started to deepen the relationship with myself and make supportive life changes immediately after I met Serge Benhayon over nine years ago.
From the presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and the reflection Serge offers through his responsible lived choices and his caring way of being, I have been constantly inspired to be more of the true me and stand in my own unique and divine presence, letting go of the false ideals, patterns and beliefs that have contorted who I was naturally born to be; from here I then bring the natural and true me into every facet of my life, more and more each day.
Initially when I first started to reconnect with myself and develop that relationship with myself years ago, I knew the way I exercised had to go.
The first shift or learning point was to let go of the old ways and reasons for exercising. I did this by just choosing to walk, focussing on my walk, the way I walked, the reason I was walking, practising keeping my mind with my body and feeling how my body felt as I walked.
This at times was as simple as feeling my feet and at other times it was feeling the flow or tension in my body, even though my mind or old patterns would try and jump in. My mind tried to be a trickster quite a few times with bringing rules into the length of walk or the pace of walk, or calculating the aerobic aspect of the walk in relation to weight, so it took me a little while to truly let go of the ingrained exercise patterns that I had adopted to the point where I am today.
My Relationship with Exercise Today…
Exercise for me is now about:
- remaining with and building the connection with my body
- strengthening and stretching my body in a surrendered way
- being present – keeping my mind with my body and the activity at hand
- confirming who I am and not losing myself to the exercise
- listening to my body and deepening that communication
- bringing gentleness, tenderness and playfulness into movements
- feeling a fluidity and flow
- quality of movement, not quantity.
The amazing part for me to feel is that even though many of the exercises are the same as I used to do many years ago… the quality of exercising is completely different. I have noticed the effect that has had on my body – before, during and after each session. Before exercising there is no drive now, no need for an ‘accomplishment feeling’ or need to ‘let’s get this over with’ feeling or to relieve anything – but really it is engaging with the quality of movement that then happens to affect the muscles. Me remaining with my connection while exercising, supporting the powerful and amazing woman I am.
During exercise I am always aware of my breath, having a surrendered feeling in my body and being aware of how my body is feeling as it is exercising. Sometimes I am more delicate, tender or present than others and I get to feel a spaciousness or stillness feeling. If I need to lessen the repetitions or change the order – then I do so with no attachment or regimentation. After each session I have not felt exhausted or drained, or that I have pushed myself. My breathing is fairly consistent and when I walk around during or after a session it is to confirm my connection to me and not to walk off the intensity I have just put my body through, as I used to do.
So now – it’s a miracle really… the same exercise but in a different and true quality that supports the body. The gorgeous part is that every time I make time to delicately practise presence in my movement, it builds and becomes a natural way of being in my general daily activities.
With deep appreciation for all the uniqueness and dedication of the whole Universal Medicine student body… for the applied understanding that I have come to has been because of many, not just one. I would say that is brotherhood!
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Certificate of Early Childhood Education, Complementary Health – Esoteric Practitioner, Student of Counselling Diploma
Further Reading:
My Commitment to Exercise – My Commitment to Me
From Sport to Exercise: A Journey of Self-Acceptance
Exercise – it doesn’t need to be hard work
765 Comments
When we seek a purpose outside of our selves be it for exercise or for anything in life (eg. to lose weight, to look fit etc), then eventually this fizzles out and we drop the ball so to speak. But if the purpose is deeper such as holding a fitness that allows us to work more efficiently and do what needs to be done without tiring out, or to deeply care for our body and support our connection to self and our true expression…then this is a different ball game and so long as maintained and practiced with care and connection then will sustain itself till such time that it is no longer needed.
There are many ideals, beliefs and pictures I have taken on around exercise and as soon as I let go of one picture another comes to the surface. My relationship with exercise like every part in my life is a constant unfolding, surrendering and letting go of all that which is not true so that exercise becomes an activity that truly supports me and body and not something that ticks a box to make me feel better.
It is amazing the difference when we exercise to support our body rather than from an image or an idea as to how we would like our body to look. One rejuvenates and supports from within whereas the others yearns and longs for more.
Exercise can really suck you in if your not careful, suck you in with the sense that it becomes about the body and building it up to look good or to achieve something. When we actually approach exercise in a totally different way when it is about connecting and feeling the quality of your movements, the muscles your engaging the, this all sounds like the usual approach but for me I have been finding how subtle and deeply powerful this really is when truly connected to.
I agree, there are many subtle, abusive movements we make without even realising it when exercising and even when we think we are mastering exercise through the connection to the body more is exposed. However the relationship with exercise is not to be given up on which is what I have experienced in the past from time to time and when I read a comment such as Natalie’s I am inspired to take the next step to deepen my relationship with exercise because I know there is so much more to exercise than what I am living.
‘The way I used exercise here, although it may have ticked a few people’s boxes, wasn’t actually healthy because there was an addiction element to it. It was much the same feeling as when I smoked – if I didn’t get a hit, I felt irritated.’ Yep, I can attest to this too, missing a workout meant having to ‘catch up’ in some way, but on what? It’s great that these underlying feelings to do with exercise are being exposed as there is a whole commercial industry which has grown out of feeding this situation. The pushers and the addicts.
I can relate to what you write. Exercising without pictures e.g.outcomes, needs etc. brings a different quality to exercising. I experience it is just me with my body in the moment now. No pressures, straining, but more a gentle steadiness and presence with the body. It took me a while to let go of the belief that this is ‘enough’ as support for the body.
I’ve totally changed my relationship with exercise, gone are the days of pushing and driving to get fit and to be a certain weight and body shape. Now, I enjoy being connected to my body and stopping when I feel too.
My relationship with exercise is totally different now, gone are the days of pushing my body more and more to be super fit, which I wrongly thought I was, to now exercising in connection and honouring of what my body is asking for, which is very little gentle exercise.
I love to exercise in water, my body is supported in a warm pool like nothing else, I feel like a 10 year old as I leap about the water doing jumps and leaps, its great. Gone are the days of hard drive to ‘get fit’ when an awful lot of the time I’d be pulling muscles to do what a picture I had was telling me I ‘should’ do.
My relationship with exercise started out with being all about performance and competition, it morphed somewhat as I became an adult into helping me to look good (which was actually the least committed I was to exercise at that point). But the transition into simply doing it so it supports me in what I need to do, so having a strong body for the way I choose to live… that is a purpose I have been able to commit to, and I find it does not hurt! (unlike the other forms)
Exercise can expose our relationship with hardness. It can also expose our relationship with self love and how we take care of ourselves. We have a body that needs to be cared for in the fine detail, ignore and abandon it and it will show you an outcome that we may not want for ourselves.
Exercise can be a drug and an addiction if it’s used to give us a ‘kick’ e.g. a sense of satisfaction, recognition, protection or numbness.
I’ve been changing my relationship with exercise, or I could say my non-relationship with exercise – I would avoid it, and could get away with that attitude as from the outside it appeared that I was slim, flexible and naturally toned and therefore ‘fit’. Yet in truth it was a way to disregard my body and therefore dismiss my connection to and relationship with myself, and God. I am breaking that disregarding relationship and through exercise with gentle movement I am nourishing my body and therefore nurturing my relationship with my body and being.
It is quite a science to learn how to do exercise, especially weight bearing exercises that are harmonious with the body without leading to issues if repeated every day.
The thing that keeps me present is staying with my breathing – is it steady and breathing through the nose, or does it become ragged and gasping for breath with my mouth wide open?
Johanna, I can relate to this; ‘The way I used exercise here, although it may have ticked a few people’s boxes, wasn’t actually healthy’. I used to exercise really hard – not listening to how my body wanted to move and overriding any aches, pain or tiredness, I used to think this way healthy. I now listen when my body hurts and now love to exercise gently.
Johanna, this is really beautiful and feels like our natural way to move; ‘bringing gentleness, tenderness and playfulness into movements’.
Exercise used to be a brutal process for the body and something I endured to stay slim and be fit and healthy. Now that is all gone and in its place walking every night after work has become my normal. Now I feel its time to add some more gentle exercise to this in the way of stretching and some hand weights.
I exercise all day with my job and I can really tell how much a little exercise routine in the morning helps support that exercise throughout the day. I used to think that because I was so active in my job I didn’t need extra but I really notice the difference if I let my routine slip in the mornings.
I have added land based exercise to the water exercises and this combination works well. I’m not trying to lose weight but to support my body as it ages to remain flexible and strong and there is a subtle change occurring that I feel less lethargic in fact my body really enjoys the exercise and I feel very rejuvenated.
I’ve gone through stages with exercise, bringing deeper awareness of how I am when I do exercise, how it feels and what works and doesn’t work. What I have really got to feel is how that is forever changing and this means I continually need to be checking in and seeing what feel true in that moment. Sometimes I catch myself in a pattern a habit and just doing or focused one aspect of my body and it feels totally off and disconnected to my connection within and how I feel when doing my exercises.
“The gorgeous part is that every time I make time to delicately practise presence in my movement, it builds and becomes a natural way of being in my general daily activities.” it is the quality that we move in with connection to our tenderness while exercising that builds a deeper level of love in our body.
When we make it (and this can be applied with anything not just exercise) about quality we do our movements in, the end result is not it, it does not matter, this is in complete opposite to how I used to live where my focus would always be the end result as in this case I would exercise purely to have a slim and fit body. How I got to this goal I did not care so long as I had the body I was craving and seeking.
Exploring the quality of my connection with my body when I am exercising has been key to transforming my relationship with it. I no longer see it as a means to an end whether that be getting fitter or burning off frustration and instead enjoy being playful however I am choosing to exercise that day.
Yes, it is a lot of fun if it is not done as a boring kind of medicine.
There is a drive in our exercise when the way we are doing exercise is to avoid something or to gain something that is going to make us ‘better’. I am still experimenting with this.
I love this, it’s a new way to look at what you are building strength in when we exercise. Exercising not in drive is building strength in self love and self care.
Changing our conditioning that exercise needs to be painful to be ‘good’ to working out gently is a real shift in this consciousness.
I love the fact that you brought in walking as exercise every other day. I feel this would be something that would support me as well as I walk to get from A to B but not to just be with my body and for exercise.
As a kid I hated sport and PE (Physical Education), when I did do it it was hard and brutal on the body (doing martial arts against people twice my size). Last week I signed up to the gym and pool and I love it, exercising with my body rather than pushing myself to do X amount of laps/repetitions. I enjoy the exercise and want to return to it again and again, not in need but to have that time and space to support my body to be fit for other areas of life without tiring.
“remaining with my connection while exercising, supporting the powerful and amazing woman I am.” A beautiful exercise in building a body of love.
The fact that we have not been taught about quality, about the quality within, when it makes such a huge difference to everything we do, in fact it is the precursor to all we do, how we move and even our thoughts. Time to open the doors to quality and energy first.
Exercising every day supports us in so many ways. I’ve only started doing this really recently but I can already feel the difference: there are the obvious ones like feeling more strength in my body, but then also the benefits of committing to connecting to your body every day – to feeling what it actually feels like to be in your body and not your head, that stays with you throughout the day. That commitment has then extended to other areas, too.
Focusing on my connection with my body when I am exercising has been so supportive in building a deeper relationship with my body and as you say this naturally extends to other areas and supports a loving flow through the day.
Beautiful Johanna, for you show us that there is more to us, and that we need to give than deeper part of us attention. This is through all the things ; daily activities we do. So we do not stop moving, but changing the level of quality of our movements. A forever expansional evolution.
Recently I have just upped the level of exercise I do each day and I am surprised at the impact it has already had on my day, I feel so much stronger and ready for my day.
I found it astonishing how quickly my body changed once I had a gym in the house even though I only spend about 15 minutes a day on it.
Exercising this way has helped me to stay with my body and the activity I am in. I even have ear plugs in, so not to have to be distracted by the loud music ánd it helps me deepen the connection of my body and its inner music.
Exercise these days has become extreme, take cross-fit for example which just puts the body under such unnecessary stress but exercising in the manner that you describe here is both good for the body and the soul.
I also exercise differently these days. I am totally with myself, my body and my movement. It’s like an intimate relationship whilst my body is making movements. And I don’t have to be in the gym for that. Indeed it is like 24/7 – how I walk, take the stairs, open doors, make my food – it’s all movement and all possibilities to feel my body and make small corrections in my posture. It’s like mini-exercises but with a very deep effect on my body. Just love it.
It is incredible how we often ‘think’ we need to attend a gym to build the body when often the way we move and support our body through daily walking and errands around the house are another way where we are bringing this aspect to how we live where it is not seen as a chore but a way of being.
Yes I am really starting to feel the difference in my body for what you have shared here. It is not about understanding it from our mind, we can justify anything from the mind, but the body does not lie and therefore feeling what we do and how we do what we do lays much more connected seeds to feed us back that connection in other areas of our lives.
” listening to my body and deepening that communication ”
This is what gym work is all about listening to and implementing what the body needs,
Yes, and most importantly, not to overdo it.
There are things we do in life to ‘get by’ – essential tasks we tend to overlook and hope will end. Like putting out the bins for example. This is how I’ve seen exercise, instead of an opportunity to spend quality time with my body, and move in a way that loves my being to the max. Now I write this I can see this approach applies equally to everything I do, not just when I am lying on an exercise mat. Thank you Johanna for helping me realise that.
Wow, I could really realise it on a deeper level this time whilst reading this that how we exercise tells us so much about the relationship we have with ourselves. When it is one of never feeling enough the exercise is often used as a way to feel better about ourselves, like when we go we ‘at least do something good’. But when this relationship with ourselves changes and becomes more a loving one, exercise is not so much a ‘I have to because…’ but more a ‘love to go’ to nurture our body. It is how we are with ourselves that makes all the difference.