In my role as a support worker, I assist three people to live independently in residential care in the community.
These people all have diagnosed mental disorders, living with conditions such as schizophrenia, bi-polar, psychosis, epilepsy and anxiety issues. These conditions are all capable of causing their moods to fluctuate drastically and it is for this reason that they take prescribed medication to minimise mood swings. Even so, mood swings still occur, and sometimes result in outbursts of aggressive behaviour. These outbursts are often caused by frustration at not being able to verbally express their feelings due to their mental disability. The aggressive behaviour is usually directed at the support people.
I work in a team with four others, and at a recent team meeting we were discussing one of the people we support. Over the previous month, the other members of the team had experienced an increase in his aggressive, demanding behaviour. I had not noticed any such change in behaviour when I was working with him, and I mentioned this to them. They were a little bemused by this and asked me what my ‘secret’ was.
I was a little lost for words as I had no secret. I didn’t think I was doing anything special – just supporting him in a loving, respectful manner.
Later I reflected on how I express at work.
- When I interact with the people I support, I ensure I make a true connection with them, acknowledging what they say, respecting their opinion, and engaging with them as an equal.
- I am conscious of the tone of my voice when I’m talking to them.
- I’m careful not to react to what they might say.
- I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.
- Above all else, I maintain my connection to self, trying not to take on what may be going on around me.
As stated, when I’m at work I do my best to establish a true connection with the people I support. Since I have been doing this I have noticed a significant change in how one of them interacts with me.
When I first started working in the house, this particular person only engaged in limited conversation with me and didn’t share anything personal. In his staff information folder it was mentioned that he didn’t like physical touch, and tended to keep to himself. Over the last few months he has often come up to me and not only initiated conversation and shared on a personal level, but he started to reach out (tentatively at first) in a friendly manner to place his hand on my shoulder while talking to me, something he doesn’t usually do with people.
My everyday living is based on making choices which are loving and honouring of my body. Such choices include: having a gluten, dairy and sugar free diet, choosing not to drink alcohol and choosing to go to bed at a time and in a manner that supports my body’s natural rhythms. I have found that this has provided me with a foundation that supports me at work, enabling me to hold my presence and stillness. This can be felt by those around me and has an effect on their mood and behaviour.
I have noticed that my presence at work usually has a calming effect on the people I support as well as other staff. This is supported by the decreasing number of behavioural incidents which have occurred.
So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.
Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, whose constant reflection of love, truth and integrity are inspirational.
By Anonymous, Support Worker, New Zealand
Further Reading:
Inspired by Universal Medicine… Just Being Me
The Gentle Breath Meditation™ – How It has Supported Me to Feel Again
My number 1 job – a message from the author
696 Comments
This is so true Anon and Sue, Bringing equality to everyone we work with through true connection is very powerful and I have also had this experience of working in similar environments to those described in this blog.
I have not worked within this field but in my experience I have found that working with children or more regularly raising 5 children, has been quite similar to what has been described in this blog too. In the sense that they pick up on every thing and there-fore I have to be very aware of every choice I make when I am with them but also in my lead up to being with them.
Oh boy – you sure have your work cut out for you Sarah! Not 1 but 5 little reflectors of truth beaming at you each and every day – impossible to hide anything so only sensible choice was – you put both hands up and lovingly surrendered!
Sarah I have felt the same to be true when working with children as a teacher. When I pay attention to all that this blog describes the quality of my interaction with my class and individuals within the class changes fundamentally.
There is sure no hiding from children where we are at and they know exactly where our buttons or reaction points are and at the same time can so beautifully confirm our own innocence and tenderness.
Yeah I agree, when your are going through something and someone doesn’t try to fix it for you or see you as lesser but just is there and steadily with you it makes a huge difference.
Yes Kristy, such a simple yet so profound thing to do.
Hear hear Kristy, this is so true and profound what you share, and touches me at a deep level.
It may not be universally supported yet Sue, but simply being me and allowing others to be themselves is certainly a way forward in a society where we are constantly being sold images of how to better ourselves and compete against each other.
So powerful what you have shared here jenny mcgee. I could feel layers of protection drop from my body just with simply reading this.
An absolute massive step jenny mcgee and one I too wake to take each day.
This is beautiful Jenny- being ourselves offers exactly the same to others. This is priceless in a world where we are being asked to change and better ourselves constantly and we start to believe that this is the way to live.
Gosh.. imagined how the world would be if we all valued ourselves.
This is so big Mary, the lie that competition is a major part of life and that we need to foster competition, yet look around any office and workplace and what is far more important is cooperation. That we don’t place more emphasis on cooperation, teamwork and harmony and instead push the need for competition is one of the great lies of our time as being with people is essentially at the heart of our good health and a part of all life that surrounds us.
So simple and so true Jenny. There is no room for competition when we are with ourselves as we can appreciate what we bring just as much as we appreciate everyone’s unique and very needed expression.
Yes Jenny, simply being me and allowing others to be themselves is certainly a way to live, instead of being duped that we have to constantly ‘better’ ourselves, such a trap.
I love the simplicity and power of this article Anon, the foundation that you speak of, that allows you to hold your presence and stillness could change the way we all interact and behave with each other. No need for complicated solutions just the pure harmony that comes from connecting to ourselves and others based on the love that we are in essence.
It’s a very inspiring way and attitude to take to work but also to live by, you actually have to focus on the whole when interacting like this and not on self.
Beautiful comment Jenny. You have brilliantly summed up this blog through your words of wisdom. As it is through our connection to Love that we have the power to restore our natural way of living together, founded on the Love we are.
Me too Jenny, the language of love is simple and has a powerful ripple effect in every situation. I also loved the acceptance and true understanding Anon bought to the situations, not needing to fix anything just simply hold herself from a loving foundation.
It is the simplicity that blows me away too – super inspiring – it also shifts my understanding of responsibility from being something burdensome to being something very beautiful and self-empowering.
Your secret is being you! It makes it easier to be ourselves when we are aware of karma and issues that stretch across multiple lives. Serge Benhayon saying words to the effect that disabilities are connected with behaviour in previous lives means we treat people with mental illnesses as equals as sooner or later they will be past this mental illness. It is interesting how a supposedly outrageous statement about past lives leads to affected people being treated with more love, care and respect than they normally would.
Yes Christoph I agree. Often when I was young and saw a disabled person, I immediately felt that people felt sorry for them and that’s what you have to do, but that is demoralising. True love and care comes from understanding and equalness.
It helps to have the understanding that the long term view Serge offers. I find it releases me of my own expectations of myself that then releases the frustration that I would otherwise build. Giving space to myself and others to just be makes life far more simple and flowing. As soon as I lose sight of this fact complication and ‘trying’, followed by frustration and exhaustion becomes the order of the day.
‘I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.’ It is beautiful to feel your acceptance of where they are at and in your openness how that allows them to trust and connect with you rather than get frustrated. Thank you for sharing how by ‘simply being me’ everyone benefits as this is so relevant to all areas of life.
Yes, accepting the path another chooses even if you don’t agree is really quite powerful. Removing any attachment or judgment and simply being of support to anyone in need really is true service.
This is a truly gorgeous blog. It is great evidence to show that when we really lovingly take care of ourselves we can hold others naturally in love. This is the bottom line as far as supporting others go. The depth to which it is felt and appreciated can not be under estimated. If there was any evidence to show that the tender love of oneself supports humanity, this is it in black and white!
Beautifully expressed Michelle. I especially love the simplicity expressed through this blog. The Secret is there for us all to choose.
I agree Michelle well said. It matters not where we are at in our lives, we all still feel. It is only our awareness of what we are feeling that changes. By virtue of the fact that we are all Love, it is our nature to want to return to being Love. And so the reflections of Love we see, feel and are met with are recognised by the heart, and naturally offers loving support to all to return to simply being the Love we are. As you say – ‘If there was any evidence to show that the tender love of oneself supports humanity, this is it in black and white!’
I agree Michelle, all the evidence is here in black and white in how when we truly honour and appreciate ourselves, we have the foundation to stay connected with ourselves, thus there is no need to ‘fix’ or change anyone else, no judgement or investment either, instead there is an understanding and acceptance of others, which they feel and are blessed by because mostly the world is judgemental, unaccepting and putting down.
Anonymous, I’ve had the same thing where I’ve worked with people given different psychiatric diagnosis and I’ve been asked at staff meetings what it is that I do that makes the clients like me so much. What could I say, I’m just myself. But this is something I’ve learnt as well that to truly be myself I have to know how to live and be to actually be myself. I cannot have lots of sugary things or eat whatever I feel like and expect to feel awesome, still, and present when I’m with clients or other people for that matter. The quality I’ve managed to build in my body is the quality I will bring to everyone I meet. Sometimes frustrating that I cannot have or do whatever I feel like but then again it’s a choice to what kind of life I want to have. One other thing I would like to mention is that it’s not only what goes into my mouth that will discern how I will feel but also how much love I’m willing to let out, how much love I’m willing to let others feel, how willing I am to truly connect with other people – that ignites something huge within and perhaps when the want to have and share this is strong enough then our diet will change to support this.
Beautiful all that you have shared Matts. I feel the same, it’s also about how much love we are willing to hold people in. People do indeed feel this, and the absolute acceptance that love brings to people exactly as they are. Everyone responds to feeling loved, appreciated and cherished, and it’s simply beautiful to offer that.
My comment went a bit long there but perhaps I had stuff that needed to get out there… One other thing I felt to mention in regards to letting people in and connecting is that it’s also a surrendering-in-the-body process in the sense that it’s important (for me anyways) to relax or surrender my body when I am present with others. Then I’m more able to connect to the love that is already there. And this turns things on its head somewhat because I feel that love and a beautifull connection is always present between people, the only thing I have to do is accept it, surrender to it and just let it be. If not I have to constantly fight that love with being hard, protect myself, perhaps talking too much or what ever it might be. So surrendering in and with my body is for me key in connecting with other people.
Absolutely Matts brilliantly said! trying to justify, protect, prove or show anything is a tension in our body and stops us from connecting with the natural flow between two people. What I have found with love is for me it is instant, no trying or proving needed.
Great to hear Matts, the only way to do things is “just be ourselves” Oh so simple and refreshing.
‘but also how much love I’m willing to let out, how much love I’m willing to let others feel, how willing I am to truly connect with other people’, timely questions for me and always important to come back to and feel into….going to take some time to ponder further on this today.
Absolutely Matts, by the very depth we’re willing to go to in caring for and loving ourselves, that cannot but be felt by all we meet, and so it goes the ever deeper the willingness to support ourselves.
This is something I have recently started to be much more aware of – the difference between how being me and not being me feels. Being me feels steady and solid and most prominent of late: not stimulating in my body, there is no buzz or excitement, just a steadiness that is simple and flowing. It’s like the chaos all around me (working in food service buzzes more than a knocked over beehive) is all around me but not within me, I have been experiencing moments of being a rock in a river, everything flows around but I am still there. Not being me is the complete opposite and I am swept up in the current of life and literally left feeling dizzy and spinning when I get the chance to stop. Reading this blog has opened up the chance to appreciate that this steadiness is seen and felt by others and that it is possible to maintain such steadiness, not just for me but for everyone else as well. A steadiness that can be lived in a world that seems to be rushing all around us. Thank you Anon.
A beautiful sharing Leigh Matson, thank you. There is another way to live, that honours who we truly are amidst the tirade of life, and you offer a living example of this.
Thank you Leigh, I love all you have expressed here about steadiness and that it’s a part of our being ourselves, solid and true. It’s a great marker you’ve given me about being swept up in what’s going on around me or staying connected to me. Thank you!
And as people are rushing past, your steadiness is an opportunity and sign post for them – a moment of choice – what they do next of course is totally up to them… not being attached to any outcomes leaves you free to be the ‘rock’… thank you, Leigh.
Gorgeous sharing Leigh, thankyou and a lovely reminder to appreciate this solidness and steadiness I now feel in my body, and how I bring this to everyone I meet.
Gorgeous Leigh, a crucial distinction indeed that I can relate to so well. Feeling the divine stillness we are in motion when ourselves, it is blazingly obvious to then also feel when we are not, yet when not it would seem at first less obvious to notice right away, until such time as being ourselves is confirmed as the solid ground it is, and an appreciation for making the choice for it is deeper felt.
What a beautiful way to describe the quality of being you Leigh. I too can relate to the steadiness of being me which in fact is such a paradox because the steadiness comes from surrendering to the all and all its support.
There is an amazing simplicity to life when we embrace life in this way Anonymous – all inter-connected with out separation. A new-normal way of living available to all.
“So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all”.
I agree Stephanie Stevenson, ‘there is an amazing simplicity to life when we embrace life in this way’. I feel like I’m just starting to ‘get’ this.
Anonymous I love the fact that ‘ my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.’ what a beautiful gift it is to us and all those around us to truly live who we are.
Beautifully expressed Jade.
Re-connecting with ones own essence is key to connecting with others in the same way. When we live far from that natural way of being, it could well appear to be a secret way of living by others. A beautiful confirmation that the quality you are bringing to your life is what is being noticed by your work colleagues.
“my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all”.
This is true being ourselves is not, or should not be a secret. Not being ourself is contributory to a lack of care for ourselves as if we are being ourselves how do we know how precious and worth caring for we are?
There must be a great many people around the world who require care and who have case files filled with behaviours that play out, but I wonder how many of these behaviours could be positively affected by the living qualities we bring to care. After all everyone is looking for love and understanding in their relationships, and the more one is caring for themselves as a carer, the more this is felt by all those they work with. Thanks for sharing anonymous, beautiful to read and appreciate your experience.
Thank you, Anonymous, for sharing this amazing story. We can all try being ‘loving, responsible, caring, natural and open’ or whatever we perceive to be desired at work environment, but what is so cool about this story is that these qualities are natural for you, you are just being you, and that comes from your everyday commitment to love and care for yourself. A fantastic proof of the difference that ‘loving and caring for ourselves’ can make.
These qualities do become natural when we treat ourselves in this way. Without the foundation of being loving and caring with ourselves it is not so natural to bring these qualities to the others.
‘I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them.’ This is so important anonymous because people try and fix us all the time and that can feel very imposing. When you are simply accepted, its a lovely feeling and does encourage more openness, because you don’t feel judged.
It is amazing how many people choose to work in this industry with a desire to change, save or fix another…. and yet when we just allow the space for people to just be and hold them in understanding for their choices and where they are, this usually happens naturally as they are empowered to choose this for themselves.
I had a personal experience of this recently. I was not myself and acting in a way that was awkward with others that I knew. What I could feel under my awkwardness was the need for attention and recognition. The people I knew did not react to me in any way and did not buy into my behaviour, which allowed me to feel all of what I was doing (which was terribly uncomfortable I have to say). Because of this I could clearly feel that I was choosing behaviour that was not in any way shape or form me. Therefore I was given the opportunity to observe this and then make a new choice. A very valuable experience and lesson for anyone regardless of situation.
Great point Samantha, we don’t have to save, change or fix anybody. Understanding and space is true empowerment.
Great point Debra. Accepting others, of where they are at, is a deeply caring act of Love. As in holding another in the equal Love we know they are, it leaves no room for judgement, but rather offers a quality of space to explore and re-claim the Love they are.
Very true Carola, and thanks to the work of Serge Benhayon there are thousands of people today who are able to do this.
Hi Anonymous, I love how your secret is not really a secret, but is something some of us find difficult to do – just be ourselves. Just being you and taking care of yourself in the way you describe by how you choose to live is an inspiration.
There is something quite charged in people ‘wanting to know the secret’. Its like we can feel the difference between how we are living and how another is… leading to very different results. I think its great that your colleagues were able to ask the question and I hope were open to your answer, as so often comparison can create a blockade to us evolving from another’s example (as was so obviously the opportunity here).
Agree Simon, its like wanting the solution to life and taking the lid of the pressure pot. There can be this seeking for relief that then leads to comparison when it is realized that there is no solution, but just a daily choice to be the love we are and with this a way to life that is loving in anything we do. Life is a 24/7 responsibility and when we press the pause button we just delay our evolution.
A beautiful and simple recipe simply shared that has profound results – “my ‘secret’ is simply being me.”
What you share is so important – it is noticeable in your working environment that you make a difference, and yet it is no secret, simply the way you life. To be there and support people in the way you do is fantastic, and we can never underestimate the power we have in who we are.
Sometimes we seek a solution and ask for the secret, but all we need to do is to take the responsibility, like you have done by living in the way you do and by simply being yourself.
I love the way you wrote this blog, Anonymous: from an observing point of view and also very appreciative of what you bring, by the way you work, to your colleagues and the people you work with. Seeing what each of us brings and appreciating it is very important key to keep growing.
‘Seeing what each of us brings and appreciating it is very important key to keep growing’, absolutely Monika, and this is the best way to work in groups and in workplaces because it means that if things get challenging, people know and can appreciate the strengths they can bring to the work rather than focus on judging others for not doing things or being overwhelmed.
Yes absolutely Susie and Monika. When we do not appreciate what we bring as individuals it is much harder to see that in others and we can get very judgmental. In all relationships it is important to see what you bring first, which then allows you to see what others bring without going into comparison, jealousy or judgment.
I love that quote too! The world around us is craving for a way of working together where connection and respect are the foundation, so that we all have the opportunity to make true and loving choices.
Many situations in life are dictated by the reactions we have to each other, learning to observe and not absorb is one of the great teachings from Serge Benhayon as this allows us to shift beyond dynamics and bring it back to love.
Well said Kristy, it is indeed one of life’s greatest lessons, challenges and joys all rolled into one:)
Beautifully said Kristy, to not fuel dynamics with my own reactions is definitely a game changer and to try to understand what is happening at another level makes it easier not to absorb.
Yes Kirsty those dynamics can be the exact issues that we choose to make our life. Living one after another even though it may seem as if there is no dynamic at all. Reading energy and feeling what is truly behind what is going on is the most supportive thing we can do for ourselves. Then we can see things for what they truly are and not absorb the drama’s of life that we have created.
Absolutely Kristy, learning to observe and not absorb is one of the great teachings from Serge Benhayon, one that I am still refining. I used to absorb left, right and centre, and it makes you ill and exhausted, I am so grateful to understand the dynamics of this ill pattern so I now choose to stay with me, be love, and just observe.
Monika, you just described how our community could work together and the potential we have. Very beautiful!
This is beautiful and shows the power we have through body language and our presence alone, to connect with our fellow human beings at a level that is beyond words. This sentence can apply to how all of us can be with work colleagues and the people we serve in our work as well as with family members, friends, partners: ‘I am accepting of where they are on their path, and I don’t try to change them. They are where they are as a result of choices they have made, and I see my role as one of supporting them as best I can on their chosen path.’ Accepting and meeting people as they are can make a huge difference in the world.
Amazing sharing anonymous: “My everyday living is based on making choices which are loving and honouring of my body.” This shows how self-care and love are not selfish at all. It is often seen as that but your story absolutely proves how taking loving care of ourselves is truly taking responsibility in life and results in everyday miracles like the deep connection you have with the people you work with.
Absolutely Lieke, this example totally blows the lid on the belief that ‘looking after oneself first is selfish’. In fact it is quite the opposite – self-love is the most loving choice that we can make for others as we can only care for another as much as we care for ourselves.
A great point Lieke, for when such miracles come as a result of self-love and care, and people are touched immeasurably by how we are with them as a result, there is no doubt that choosing this for ourselves is of great service.
I love what you bring in here Lieke and Samantha, about everyday miracles. We think a miracle is something that involves some kind of super human power, but this blog shows that the consistency of love with self and others really is the key for everyone in a human body to access this power and make miracles happen in our daily lives.
“My everyday living is based on making choices which are loving and honouring of my body.” I love this too Lieke and what you say that self-care and love benefits all.
Agreed Lieke, it is in fact selfish to not self care.
As a child I am not sure I remember the first time I was told I was selfish for not putting others before myself all the time; it was more of an ideal that was passed down but I do remember that it made me feel resentful and like I was unimportant and didn’t matter. It is really important that we teach our children to self nurture so that they can do it for themselves, otherwise we go through life expecting everyone to do it for us and have false expectations that others have to love us before we can do it for ourselves!
Anon you confirm powerfully how the quality we bring to situations and relationships affects the quality of people we work with for better or for worse. It is simply about being ourselves, but more so about the connection we have with each person and treating them as equals. When we work in this way, clients feel the difference and more likely to release their defences.
Yes Kehinde, it should be normal shouldn’t it? Very inspiring no matter what industry someone works in.
Anon this is a little gem that shows how much we have to offer when we live a life of simplicity and love. The love we live emanates and is felt by all no matter what situation they are in. It shows love heals on all levels.
I love this too carolien, a life lived from simplicity and love is equally healing on all levels. The language of love is uniting.
I agree Carolien beautifully said. We all feel what is loving and what is not loving, we all notice the difference. As through the heart Love is known and when one walks claiming the Love we all are it is healing for all.
Carolien I agree many great gems in this blog and yes when we make life simple and about love the healing opportunities available are endless.
Absolutely Carolien, living a life of love is powerful.
So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open – which is not really a ‘secret’ at all.
I love this super simple blog Anonymous, it tells it like it is and has a crisp clear and true message. Thank-you for your refreshing sharing.
So funny that our secret, “simply being me” has become such a huge revelation, time for our communities to look at why we stop being ourselves and look at the damage that it causes, there in lays the answer to all illness and disease.
A powerful and inspiring blog Anonymous, New Zealand. A beautiful confirmation that the way we live on a daily basis has an impact on everyone and everything around us.
Yes Stephanie we often don’t stop to appreciate the impact and ripple effect it has on others. Time to start appreciating!
Anonymous your presence offers so much to both the people that you support and to the other staff. By being ‘yourself’ that in itself is priceless as everyone gets to see a person who is being true to themselves. You are demonstrating that by choosing to stay with yourself you don’t get drawn into the turmoil around you and also that the chances of there being turmoil around you is minimized greatly by the fact that you are choosing to stay with yourself. Anonymous you are modelling respect for others by respecting and accepting where others are at and this respect is borne out of your deep respect for yourself. You are also demonstrating gentleness and surrender by not trying to manipulate people who are more vulnerable than you. Anonymous you are providing a reflection of light for everybody but particularly those who are more vulnerable and may not have had many clear reflections of light before. There is not one of us who holds more importance than another in reflecting the truth. There is no one who’s job holds more power than another as far as being the light that we are. Jesus was a carpenter not a president or a politician and he said ‘I am the light and I am the way’.
‘There is not one of us who holds more importance than another in reflecting the truth.’ – love this line Alexis. The reflection of equality is very powerful…confirming that every single one of us is needed as a part of this gigantic jigsaw puzzle of life. Ones behaviour is not who they are in essence…just a result of choices.
Goodness Alexis, what a stonker of a comment! I so agree, there is a wonderful example of walking your talk of equality and love in this blog.
Beautifully said Alexis, no one person holds more authority, power or importance than another we all hold an equal responsibility, a responsibility to be our authentic selves and to show that to everyone.
Well said Alexis, we live in a way that separates us constantly into important and less important members of society and by this we are ignoring the fact that we are all equal Son’s of God reflecting the divine. We made the role we have chosen to play on earth more important than our true origins, which is one of our biggest ills and holds us captive in the false belief that we are human first, which we are not. We don’t have to be good human beings, we just have to be who we are: equal Son’s of God and we will be soulful human beings.
I love what you share in this comment Alexis, simply beautiful.
Anonymous, as a fellow support worker I know how incredible it is that you are like you are with the people that you support. I can feel how your presence acts like a balm for all those around you.
I love the simplicity you share here and I can totally relate to what you describe happens at work. You don’t need to change anyone, you just need to let them be and trust they are on the path they need to be. This releases them from pressure and also us as staff in any situation. Thanks for breaking this down so easily and so many others can learn and be inspired by the gold that you bring.
Well said Felicity, I completely agree.
I agree Felicity, the simplicity in this is healing in and of itself. Human beings have made life so complicated, but love is simple.
Agreed Felicity, Anon’s short but powerful blog should be part of educating every mental health professional. This simple way of life should not be keep a secret.
How wonderful that the lifestyle changes you have chosen to make have not only improved your way of living, but it has had a natural flow on effect to those you work to support. I have no doubt that despite the challenges these people have in their lives there is a part of them that can feel the steadiness and stillness from which you connect to them, which in turns offers them the space to connect more deeply to themselves.
Yes I agree Ingrid, this isn’t about helping someone else, this really is about what is normal for this person in every day of their life and then seeing how it is affecting some of the more vulnerable on our society. It is a good example of how everything is felt and then reflected in those around us, the raciness and the stillness.
Wow, l hung off every word of this incredibly loving, clear, simple, powerful blog because l can feel the quality that you reflect to others. You are a true blessing to all those associated with you in your workplace and for humanity as a whole. You are an inspiration. Thank you for being you and for sharing your secret.
When you start to live a more steady, caring way of life, it can seem so normal that you don’t fully notice the difference. It is wonderful that you had this opportunity to see and appreciate how much the way you live is affecting the people you work with and in such a positive way. So often in care roles we go into sympathy or other emotional reactions and try to overdo or take on responsibility for the other person. It is amazing how unimposing it is for the person being cared for, to have the carer just be themselves.
We underestimate the power of steadiness, and consistency in care. We become a rock in tumultuous world when we release ourselves (and others) from the tyranny of unpredictable mood swings.
People feel this, feel safe, perhaps for the first time, in such a solid presence.
What a gift in this world, where neglect, contempt, judgement and abuse have become normalised. A gift, not to be underestimated.
beautiful Rachel! This restores trust in people.
This is a true gift Rachel, and a very beautiful one too.
When we connect with ourselves and live and operate from our inner knowing and being, then it allows another to simply be themselves. This is the greatest gift and reflection that we can offer another.
Love this Donna, very wise words.
Yes I agree Donna and Heidi – giving someone the space just to be themselves is one of the greatest gifts we can give. No expectations. No judgement. No imposition.
It really is this simple, ‘When we connect with ourselves and live and operate from our inner knowing and being, then it allows another to simply be themselves.’
Your secret to life Anon. should indeed be shared with everyone. If this secret was public knowledge, the world would be a different place, a place where everyone is free to be who they truly are.
Totally gorgeous, Anonymous: no secret, just the simplicity of you being naturally you – open, loving, respectful, caring and supportive. Simple but so profound and, at times, rare. So beautiful….how we would be if we were all ‘just ourselves’ on a daily basis, I wonder?
Beautiful blog Anonymous. Although you thought you where doing not anything special, it is worth appreciating the fact that you dedicate yourself to a way of living that is loving towards your body and your being. As a reflection you bring this quality, love towards life, in anything you are and do and in that is not any special or a secret as it is available to us all. It only comes down to make the choice, the choice to choose to make life about living love in all that you do and are.
Meeting others as equals and truly connecting to them, is a very healing experience, especially to people with a mental illness. We often confirm and get confirmed by our behaviours which does not support us to connect to our essence, the love we all are.
absolutely Katinka, there is more to meet then the behaviours and conditions we see in others, there is a deep essence of love that will always respond when addressed from this love. If we can connect to this within ourselves we will see that there is nothing special to do but that our beingness is felt by others.
Absolutely Katinka, being met as equal is healing for each of us and especially if there is no judgement. If we are held in love and allowed to be where we are on our path of return to the love we are we have a reflection that supports us with that in life.
I like the emphasis here Katinka, on how we can so often get blinded by the out play of a behaviour that is right in front of us, whereas if we take a moment to read what is really going on then we get an understanding of how the person is and a much deeper connection is reached.
So true, Katinka. Seeing a person beyond their behaviour and understanding their choices with no judgment – it is incredibly healing to be met like that.
Yes choosing to see beyond the label someone has been given supports them to re-connect to themselves.
So true Helen, as the alternative is to live up to the expectation that is usually set when one is given a label. At times it can be far easier to accept being something you are not instead of feeling who you really are, and when we support people to live up to our expectations, we are really doing them a huge disservice.
I have found in healthcare that if a label is applied for long enough, the person will start to believe and act like that label. Treating a person as the essence they are removes all those labels and supports them to treat themselves with this fullness again.
Yes so true Katinka, yet if we can maintain to confirm ourselves in the love that we are and express that in all we do and bring, then just by doing that we can bring a deep inner healing to ourselves and all we get to interact with.
I agree Katinka, I often hear they working in schools, kids being defined or labelled by their chosen behaviours instead of how lovely they are. With kids then saying ‘ I am bad’ – when this is not true, they are not bad, yes they may have chosen a behaviour that may be labelled or deemed as bad, but in truth it is not them. Behaviours are a choice, they are not who we are. Saying that people can often be drawn to them as a ways and means of identification or substitute for the lack of love or self love that they so long for in their lives. As we have not grown up knowing that love is within is, not to be found anywhere else.
I worked with people with mental health issues for many years, and what you share is true – it’s so important to meet a person for who they are, not a health or emotional issue, as soon as we do this, we’ve lost them, they’ve gone. The same can be said for any person when we make it about something outside them. e.g a skill, grade, success story, accolade etc Every single person in this world, deep down craves and wants to be seen and met for who they really are, in their essence an at their core. That naturally deep, sweet, tender, innocent, caring and deeply loving person they are, plus way much more.
Its a interesting exercise to throughout the day check in with this aspect Katina, are we actually available in the moment to connect with people? How many of our interactions are dominated with rushing, and being distracted by what we have to do or get done so that we are not actually present to connect with people.
This is so true Katie. I have noticed this a while ago when I was busy rushing around to get things done and met a lady that has recently had cancer. I recognised that I was not available to connect with her and therefore was not there to support her where needed. Ouch.
That is very true Katinka. By meeting someone at the essence level we confirm them in who they truly are rather than confirming them as the behaviour they may be exhibiting which is not who they truly are.
We are not our behaviours and yet we are usually judged by them rather than seen in essence… not recognising that behaviours usually stem only from a disconnection to knowing and living who we innately are.
I love this comment Samantha, so true. Hail the day this is realised and known by everyone.
This is such a beautiful and simple sharing; and it makes total sense. The loving and unimposing way you approach the people you support puts them at ease, so they feel met and heard, because you actually listen to them, without any judgement and without putting them into a box or treating them as the label that may have been put on them. You treat them simply as equal human beings, bringing understanding and acceptance to them for where they are at. How amazingly loving is this? We all do feel energy, no matter what circumstances we are in, and being met with love and understanding is a beautiful gift you give everybody you meet. Thank you for your inspiration.
I love your expression here Esther – and it is so true, we all do feel energy, now matter how old or young, or how well or not so well, and having that awareness and bringing that into every moment of our days and interactions will be so beneficial for all, us included.
We said both of you, where is my love button?? It is so simple really.
And this is changing the healthcare, not money or problem solving plans, just meeting people for who they are by simply being who you are is the natural way forward.
So true Annelies, whilst healthcare becomes increasingly burdened, the shining reflection being offered here is no solution but the answer to our maladies.
Well said Esther, this beautiful and straight forward sharing does make total sense. We all respond well to being met as an equal, respected, accepted and understood. We respond well to being heard and listened to without being labelled or judged. No matter who we are! This should be the first thing taught to a child and this education should continue on well into adulthood until it is thoroughly understood by all! Serge Benhayon presents this and we all need to reflect this to the world just as you have in your workplace Anonymous. Thank you for sharing you, being you.
Love your point about how we all respond well when we are met as an equal and not judged- this should be fundamental teaching in any course where you work with people.
I love what you have expressed here too Esther. I found it very inspiring. We all respond to being treated as you have described – it’s a wonder we then treat others in any other way.
Beautifully expressed Esther. A great reminder that the quality we bring to any situation is far more important than anything else.
You have beautifully captured the essence of this article Esther and I can feel that you already bring that same quality to the people you meet. We all crave being treated in this way, as the precious beings we know we are. If this gentle and respectful approach was the norm for everyone, there would be nothing to defend or protect and so much would change in the way we live and relate to one another.
Beautifully said Fiona… “If this gentle and respectful approach was the norm for everyone, there would be nothing to defend or protect and so much would change in the way we live and relate to one another.” It is the defending of the protection that causes so much harm in this world. How gorgeous to be taught/shown “this gentle and respectful approach” from very young…the world would be a very different place.
Very beautifully expressed Esther – feels so expansive and absolutely gorgeous.
It is so true Esther that treating others, no matter what their situation, as “equal human beings” is the greatest gift to give another; it offers them the space to begin to feel who they truly are and from there to begin to make changes in their lives, if they so choose. A great example of the power of the ripple effect.
And thank you for yours Esther, a very beautiful comment.The power of something so simple and yet so fundamental, understanding, acceptance and love.
We all know and feel when someone is genuine or not and if we can open up and share ourselves with them. What a beautiful gift you offer by your presence Anonymous to each person you work with and support, and reflecting another way to express.
It blows the lid on the treatment of mental health patients – while chemical imbalances are at play as thing progress, as you say Aimee, we can all feel another person’s way of living. Being genuine can build trust and relationships like no other which can be enormously healing.
Great point, I suppose when the world gets to the point where mental illness is taking over and the drugs just ain’t cutting it any more, that is when Universal Medicine students will be revered by society and possibly asked to teach others the support that is natural and accessible.
This is why the wellbeing of health care workers is really important. Sometimes the workers are struggling from similar conditions and therefore are not able to offer a different quality or reflection of choices. When you do look after yourself you are better able to remain consistent and not react to what is happening around you.
It is extremely important Kristy, how we care for ourselves before caring for anyone else whether thats in a job environment or not. Having regular wellness days or incorporating health and wellbeing into work meetings is just as important as the work itself. We also as a society need to look at the judgements and consciousness we have around mental illness, especially as you say when health workers are struggling with their own mental health issues that they seek help and not see themselves as less or more than the clients they care for.
Absolutely Aimee, the blind leading the blind, so no one benefits when the workers are also checked out and being and therefor not making the choice to be truly self-loving and self-caring. What you suggest makes perfect sense let all take a fresh look into mental health for what has been presented here is a game changer!
Well said Simon. A dose of decency, care and connection, which can only come from a person who has chosen this first for themselves, is a powerful counter for mental health conditions.
Well said Simon and Vicky. Treating others with respect and decency, offering trust is powerful medicine indeed.
I would also add that this is a powerful counter for every misguided relationship everywhere…in every setting.
yes, very true Rachel
Indeed Vicky when we choose to treat ourselves in a loving and respectful way yet participating in life fully there is very little giving up energy and little room for mental health conditions to build.
Absolutely agree Simon and holding the person equally, respecting their choices is key for this. My experience working with mental health patients, although 25 years ago, was that they were not treated equally and therefore they were fighting back with deepening their condition or being resistant to what was offered. The worse thing for any person is not being met. If we meet people things flow, being it with mental health patients or in any other person.
So true Rachel…when we truly meet and connect with another it opens the door to trust and allows so much freedom of expression in a very natural way.
So true Simon, this blog “blows the lid on the treatment of mental health patients”, which in turn demonstrates so clearly that this “secret” needs to be one that is definitely not kept, but shouted from the roof tops!
There is nothing at all more healing than love.
Well said Simon. Being genuine simply allows a person to be met…and this is what we all want most in this world.
Great point Simon. Our genuineness can be felt by all no matter what the state of their health, age, or any other differences such as language. Love is who we innately are and therefore is felt by all.
So true Aimee, when we live in such a way that we are honest and genuine in who we are everyone feels this and our ability to connect becomes that much easier.
This can be seen in babies and young children they know who is genuine and are considering what is best for them. This does not change as we grow, we just try and block it by not wanting to feel that we are accepting a lesser degree of love from ourselves and others.
It is wonderful to confirm that others are able to feel us energetically and what you describe Anon is the building of trust between two people based on feeling safe. This is a total game changer for the world, where the majority of people are protecting themselves from possible hurts.
What you describe jenny mcgee is the foundation for true intimacy. The development of trust and safety between two people offers endless possibility for healing, expansion and evolution.
Yes Stevie Cole, and especially in those areas such as mental health disorders. They are not different , just very sensitive to the approach and disconnection in the world. Which actually is a fair thing to say. So like you share anonymous , so important to approach everyone with connection not just only people with mental health disabilities.
Agree Jenny, what most people suffer of is not feeling safe and mental health patients have in a way “retired” from a world were they are not feeling safe and met. Meeting them is offering them to build trust through another person and through this within themselves.
This is fundamental in relationships, the building of trust between two people, instead of people protecting themselves in anticipation of being hurt.
Hear hear -exactly Aimee – we can so feel authenticity and when someone really is just them, and it feels lovely to connect and share.
Yes Karina, we can simply relax into ourselves and be. So imagine how important it is to bring authenticity to vulnerable people who are super sensitive to when people are not connecting to them.
And others can feel it and respond to it, in this particular case via physical touch even when they have in the past shied away from it.
So true Aimee. We are all knowing when it comes to how we feel about people and that influences how we interact with them. Anonymous’ approach to her own life is such a wonderful reflection in those she supports.
So true Aimee. When someone is at ease in themselves and have nothing to hide, we can feel safe around them and able to be at ease with ourselves. How important is this for people who are already mentally or emotionally distressed?
Extremely important Fiona, this should be on the top of the list when it comes to training or interviewing support workers. Very rarely in business is how we are with ourselves taken into account when it comes to training or courses. I know this is changing in pockets of the world with self-care in the workplace but how we are outside the workplace and in every moment impacts everything we do. I have been realising this more and more lately.
Thank you for sharing your secret, I feel this may in fact be the secret to living a life with harmony, love and joy as you say ‘So my ‘secret’ is simply being me – loving, responsible, caring, natural and open’. How simple is that!
To be in a situation like that and learn how to not take on what is happening around you is a huge learning and great that you can do that.
I agree Kristy, what Anonymous describes is a potentially challenging situation and to bring such mastery to it is inspiring – for us as readers, and especially for Anonymous’s colleagues and clients who receive that reflection every day.
I agree Kristy, learning to stay as much as possible in a constant state of observation, as presented by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, has been revelatory for me. The more I am like this the less I of the world I take on.
I agree, to be in that situation and not take on what is happening around by continually being present with self and just observing at all times is very inspiring.
I agree Susan, living a life of simply being me, taking responsibility for all that we do, trusting what we feel when we interact with others, being loving, caring and open is actually super simple. Plus it is something we all know, we have just forgotten how to do it.
I agree Susan. When I bring those qualities to a situation there is joy and harmony, more so than if my daily livingness slips. Anonymous is a shining example of what can happen in our workplace/homes if we consistently live this way.