My Sister and I: My Distant Relationship with my Sister
From the beginning of our lives it has felt as though my sister and I were destined to have a distant relationship. Sharing experiences with friends of their relationships with their siblings, I began to wonder whether there was a possibility that my relationship with my sister may ever change. In the past I have always felt that our relationship was something that was fixed and beyond change.
I was quite aware when growing up that although we were sisters, my sister and I were not obviously alike – not ‘two peas in a pod’. There was an age difference of nine years – my sister was born before World War 2 and I was born afterwards. She looked like my mother with chestnut brown hair and I looked like my father with ash blond hair.
The recognition that outwardly we were different felt very important in a family where ‘what you looked like’ was more important than how you felt. On reflection I can see how there was not any talk of love or of how we would relate to the world outside of the family. The family felt like a closed unit with no room for change or expansion: everything was to be kept inside the family and guarded from outsiders and intrusion.
These differences were further emphasised when I was told by my mother that if we were not related my sister and I would not have a friendship. At that time I accepted this as a fact of life, although there was a sadness about my distant relationship with my sister as I was gradually becoming aware of how some friends related to their siblings – it felt as though they had a warmth of expression and a camaraderie between them. When others spoke of their siblings there was a closeness that seemed to elude my sister and I.
Blaming my Sister for our not so close Relationship
About eighteen months ago my sister and I attended the funeral of our uncle. Up until this point I had always been blaming my sister for this lack of a true close relationship between us: I suddenly (or so it seemed) found out that this was not the case. We were sitting around a table eating lunch with relatives and my sister was having a lovely conversation with a cousin. I interrupted their conversation and used manipulation to turn it around to a subject that was solely shared by me and my cousin, in order to exclude my sister. While I was sitting there it was as though I was an onlooker and could see what I was doing for what it truly was. I realised that I was part of the reason that I did not have a wonderful, warm and close relationship with my sister.
I saw that my manipulation was fuelled by jealousy. . . a feeling that had been there throughout our lives. As a young child I had felt the close relationship between my mother and sister, which although part of me wanted to enjoin, there was a part of me that felt uncomfortable, as this closeness seemed to exclude my father. It was all very confusing; it felt uncomfortable and disturbing, but at the time I was unwilling to see what was happening. I chose to not look at it and pretended it was not happening to me – I became lost in my own little world.
Exploring Our Relationship with the help of a Universal Medicine Practitioner
A process of unfoldment began after our uncle’s funeral when I was having a conversation with a Universal Medicine practitioner, Sara Williams. I explained that I would like to look at the relationship with my sister and to start the process of building a more loving connection with her. It was suggested that I could choose to make changes, and that would be helpful in how I related to the world in general, and there was a possibility that this might bring about changes in how my sister and I related. With the help of Sara I was able to feel the fact that this interaction with my sister at the funeral was indicative of how I was relating to people generally and was not specific to my relationship with my sister.
Following this realisation, I made more opportunities to have contact with my sister but our relationship continued on a similar footing as before, based on duty and a desire to not lose touch. Meanwhile I started to go deeper within myself and developed a more loving quality that I was now choosing to bring to myself.
Last Christmas I decided to make her a patchwork cushion. While I was making the cushion it felt beautiful as I placed the pieces together and considered the colours and what felt right for her. I was aware of how lovingly this process evolved – I wrapped it up and handed it over. It felt as though I was handing over a part of me as I knew that it was full of warmth, love and tenderness. When my sister thanked me for the cushion after Christmas I could feel her warmth and enthusiasm, and that she had felt the love. It somehow had started a process of healing our relationship that is still evolving.
Building a New Relationship with my Sister
My sister has recently been seriously ill, resulting in an admission into the Accident and Emergency department at our local hospital. This feels like another one of those times to take a look more deeply at our relationship and to see how this reflects on our ideals and beliefs. Up until this point I have seen her as a ‘sister’: someone who came as part of the package when I joined my family, and a fixed point that could not be changed. I have never considered her outside of this role, or that she was another woman finding her way through life – that before being sisters we were both women. Her illness has felt like an opportunity to see my sister as I have never seen her before.
I visited my lovely sister at the hospital recently – it feels like sometimes life makes us stop and re-evaluate what it is all about. I stood and brushed her hair tenderly and lovingly and it was so beautiful to do something so simple and yet it felt like a deep connection to who we really were: two sisters who had not made the time to deeply connect and express their deep love for one another. It felt like I touched that place where our souls met.
It feels so amazing to have started to build this beautiful relationship with my sister now – she is 77 and I am 68 – and I feel truly blessed to have been given this opportunity to spend time with her. In the past, keeping in contact has always felt like a matter of duty, whereas now I look forward to our next visit and I can see and feel that she is also finding a new depth and warmth in our relationship.
We are starting to speak with honesty about how we feel now and how we have felt in the past. The other day my sister was able to tell me that she had been so jealous of me in the past and this felt so amazing that she was able to say this to me in a way that held no fear of judgement – just a beautiful moment of one-ness. Reaching this point in our relationship has opened up so many opportunities in my life – I am now able to take responsibility for my part and allow others their dignity.
I know that this openness and love that my sister and I are finding would not be possible without having found the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Susan Lee, Suffolk, England
I have come to the understanding that my relationship with my family is no different to the relationship I have with anyone else. I now treat everyone in a open and honest way and the richness in my life has increased beyond anything I could have imagined. I can have a true and meaning full relationship with a passing stranger. I may never meet them again but it doesn’t matter because I know that in that short space of time they were met with the love I hold myself with, therefore they were met with the same love and that is the truest and best gift we can give each other.
I often view my own family as an individual learning package for where I need to expand and grow. The love I have for them is unquestioned but within the constellation there are perfect opportunities, if I am open to them, that allow me to go specifically to places within my learning that I may not get so clearly elsewhere. This supports with the wider backdrop of everything I then take out into the wider family of humanity.
A beautiful meeting of sisterhood that flows into every other relationship.
Family life one day will be inclusive of us all and we will do away with any separation and as you have shared Susan this is possible when we open ourselves to looking forward to every interaction as a chance to deepen our Love.
” It felt like I touched that place where our souls met.” This is very profound and at the same time, very possible to be experienced with everyone when we are genuinely open to the encounter. When we reach this point, separation can’t but disappear.
Yes, Amparo – simply reading your words melts any need to be anything other than at one with everyone – we can then return to our innate way of being-ness and live in harmony and grace.
I like this Elizabeth, what a great reminder of our responsibility in everything, ‘ if we have a relationship which is less than harmonious, even with just one other person it is important to observe what is being reflected to us and if necessary own and heal our part to allow space for healing.’
This is a beautifully honest and revealing sharing, I love how you had so much more awareness of what game you were playing, ‘ I interrupted their conversation and used manipulation to turn it around to a subject that was solely shared by me and my cousin, in order to exclude my sister. While I was sitting there it was as though I was an onlooker and could see what I was doing for what it truly was. I realised that I was part of the reason that I did not have a wonderful, warm and close relationship with my sister.’
When we allow honesty we open the gateway to a deeper connection to our soul.
It is interesting how when we label other women as ‘sister’, ‘mother’, ‘daughter’ etc that we can lose sight of the fact that we are all women first and when we let go of our designated roles we can unite in true sisterhood and deepen our relationship with each other and everyone else.
Yes, I agree Helen – it feels like it is a game that we have been playing for a very long time and a ploy to block any true connection with our family worldwide.
Honesty can really help turn around a relationship, it’s amazing how if we open ourselves up and bare our soul so to speak it can be a great catalyst for change.
It feels as though we are not only allowing the space to another when we ‘bare our soul’ – we are making way for expansion within our own inner heart – and can then step out into the world meeting everyone as an equal.
It is very clear to see the warmth that you knew was possible to have with your sister, that it did not have to be distant, that it could be close. And this has seen you through to today, where you have made tremendous changes which are very beautiful and inspiring, making way for anyone else who would rather warmth and closeness with the people in their family.
It feels to me that as we change we have a responsibility to re-examine all our relationships so that we can deepen them.
So absolutely gorgeous Susan that you was able to rebuild that relationship with your sister, when two hearts truly meet the whole world receives a healing.
And that is only the beginning – the healing is forever evolving while we are willing to take responsibility and understand our part in the greater all that is our Universe.
We can find it so easy to justify shutting people out and going into right and wrong, however, when we make it about love and registering our thoughts and movements based on love- it opens up a different register- a different way of being where there is no right or wrong.
Justification keeps us trapped in an isolated space where we judge others whilst stubbornly refusing to look at our part in any interaction. When we are willing to honestly examine our own behaviour, as Susan has, we are offered the opportunity to re-imprint all our relationships.
This is a great example of how our pictures can get in the way of us having a truly loving relationship. A relationship doesn’t stand a chance if we get in the way and let our pictures rule us – think about how much we are prepared to miss out on. It’s just not worth it.
Yes, Julie, pictures have ruled our lives for far too long – and they take us away from our true essence and the truth of who we are within corrupting our innate connection. As we build a relationship of integrity and love with ourselves we have a foundational resource to deepen and unfold, and ultimately take out into the world to share with the rest of humanity.
As we learn to re-imprint our old behaviours with self care and love, we allow space for a deepening of honesty which opens the door on accepting responsibility. As we open our eyes to see the truth of what is truly taking place we are then in a position to honour our relationships with due care and tenderness.
That is so true Elizabeth – and I am realising the way each relationship that we have offers opportunities to reveal the way we are able to bring a greater sense of ourselves to the world. Yesterday I was confronted by someone and when I searched for my original intention behind a seemingly ‘kind’ offer I began to see that there was a sense of guilt deeply hidden away. A forever learning Student of The Way of the Livingness.
Susan I love your honesty here, it just shows we can spend our lives under the illusion of blame but not until we look at our own part do we truly heal and see the opportunity that is often in our closest relationships.
This is a really healing blog it seems to me that we can heal any relationship if we are willing to look at our investments and what we are holding onto that stagnates any relationship which puts the brakes on it going deeper.
Why is it that we invest so much in the past when our innate path is to live the future now? I know there are times when I can still feel the propensity to want to stay in the misery of comfort that has been a familiar choice for aeons, and yet when I let go of the investment life becomes truly amazing and expansive and I feel at one with all of humanity.
There is no doubt of the insidious nature of jealousy, how it endeavours to own us and our lives so that our appreciation of who we are and inspiration to explore, heal and grow that is offered through our relationships are dismissed and overlooked. And you have shared how far more enriching, empowering, liberating and loving our relationships are when we bring truth, honesty and our willingness to be open to each other.
Jealous is indeed insidious and poisonous and can wreak havoc in our body if we give it free reign. Maybe the reason that we are prone to hide our feelings of jealousy is that once we face them, our feelings of disunity and extreme discomfort, it is an ongoing relationship of gradually letting go and refining and redefining our relationship with ourselves so that one day no trace of jealousy lingers, without us being willing to address it.
The Universal Medicine Therapies offer an understanding of life that removes what at times are ridiculous separations between people who deeply love one another. The wisdom and support of these therapies is an enormous benefit.
Realising that the mis-understandings are nothing more than a huge trick opens up the space for us to heal and evolve . The therapies open a gateway for us to let go and deepen our love and connection with everyone.
A responsible sharing Susan – thank you. Universal Medicine’s support over the years you could say has re-parented me in showing me how to self-care, self-love and most importantly appreciate who I am. Without appreciation I had no foundation of love in my body. When there is no love you look for recognition, and then you compare, and thus become jealous. I have found appreciation is key in developing loving relationships.
It feels like a very beautiful start once we become aware of jealousy and the part it plays in how we relate to others – not the usual way that we tend to feel about jealousy. My experience has been that there is always another level of unfoldment that can take place – a deeper understanding of how jealousy plays out in any of our relationships from time to time.
What a gorgeous story and to think that all along you were both holding onto jealousy towards each other – how many sisters will admit to that.
What I love about this is that it shows that things can change, that no matter what has been there in the past, we can always change this and therefore, each meeting with a person is an opportunity for a fresh start.
There are always opportunities – moments where we can feel an opening – those aha moments that allow us to go deeper and truly express from our inner heart.
Whenever there is a rift in a relationship it’s vital to remember that responsibility for making the relationship work goes both ways. It’s never just from the other person. A great reminder for me today. Thank you Susan.
As we learn to embrace and accept ourselves and our responsibilities we are opening up to the possibility that we are all the same – so it’s amazing how we have created all these ways to separate and feel alone and then manage to blame others for our own part in any disharmony.
A beautiful example of the fact that it is never too late to heal a relationship. I see so many people stuck in the past, holding on to old hurts and in the process not allowing themselves the joy of what could possibly be possible, a joy which I can see you are now able to celebrate with your sister.
It is a real blessing when we are ready to feel relationships are a never ending opportunity for change – offered by the impulses that we receive within when we are connected to a continuum that is taking us out of the past and into the future. In this way relationships are no different to everything that surrounds us – always expanding and deepening.
Beautiful to feel how the lovingly made cushion has contributed to the evolution of your relationship and how genuine love and care shine through whatever we are doing.
Yes, Helen – gestures do not need to be grand as when they come from the heart the simplicity and love can be felt and appreciated.
When we label other people first & foremost as sisters, brothers, in-laws, etc. it can easily close the door on truly relating to and meeting them for who they are and what they bring.
Yes, and it also can bring expectations that can be felt as a burden on the relationship, whereas if we felt into the true purpose of these relationships it would be a support, offering us the opportunity to re-imprint any previous difficulties we may have experienced in previous lives.
‘Meanwhile I started to go deeper within myself and developed a more loving quality that I was now choosing to bring to myself.’ Susan this is something to deeply appreciate, your willingness to go deeper within yourself opened you up to have a more loving relationship with, in this case, your sister. So by allowing to feel the quality of love that is in you and in us all, your sister could connect to this loving place in herself.
By simply letting go of pride and arrogance we allow a space for greater harmony and love. It feels very healing when we pop the bubble of pride and allow ourselves to become more at one with our own inner essence and with every other person we meet.
Others are such a great mirror for us in seeing how we have been with ourselves, and showing us where we need to bring more love to ourselves. I find that if I go into the doing and make the doing more important than focussing on my movements and moving in a way that confirms me with each step, I’ve rushed myself and taken myself away from this loveliness. Then I find this is reflected in my interactions with others which is a great stop point.
Realising and reflecting on the offerings of others allows us greater insight into our inner self and I find I often require these promptings as a stop moment to re-assess the picture. It feels so abusive to casually blame others for our own unloving behaviours without feeling able to allow the space to heal and begin anew. It feels awesome when I realise that with God there is always a new beginning if we so choose – who could resist such love.
I agree Doug – and I am very aware that there is no time like the present to take action as there has already been too much delay. At the same time I am also very appreciative that I have begun to make these choices whatever my age and to begin to break the cycle that has dominated my lives for far too long – certainly a moment of celebration and confirmation.
Thanks Susan for your blog. What has struck me is how the reflection we have with members of our family is and can be a reflection back to us of how we are with ourselves. If I stay on the surface or out of duty, because this is family, that in turn is reflected back to me of how I am with myself in everyday life and relationship. Our so called hurts are powerful things, that can rule one’s whole life, yet seeing through them all is the way forward to a deeper relationship with ourselves firstly and then all others be it family, friends and the whole of humanity.
Susan it’s very touching to read your story again, thank you. It’s reminded me of the blocks in my own relationships, the confusion that can be there, the walls that come up with hurts, and the skewed ways we can view how things are without seeing our own part in the situation. An enormous thankyou for such a heartfelt sharing.
It’s amazing to feel that once we begin to remove the first block we realise that nothing has to remain fixed – it feels so very empowering to begin to understand how we personally have responsibility in relationships and how they evolve. At times I can still feel the discomfort of allowing myself to re-act or make judgements, particularly when I am tired, Accepting that I am imperfect I no longer have the same need to be hard on myself – just allow myself time and space and become willing to make amends along the way and not allow another ‘block’ to form.
When you allow another in full and bring all of you to them, you naturally feel this love with others at that moment because of the oneness that is felt. It is only the pictures, ideals or beliefs that we have placed on any relationships that stop us from having that same full on love with everyone all of the time.
There are definitely times when certain relationships can feel very exclusive and it is interesting to see what comes thereafter, such as jealousy or discomfort. And I love the way that all of this can be undone simply by addressing how we are with everyone, by opening up our hearts to let every one in, all of that which was before can just melt away.
I love the simplicity of what you say Shami – and we can allow the web of lies and deceit that we weave around relationships to have a stranglehold to the point where we see change as an impossibility. All that we need to do is open ‘up our hearts to let every one in’ and then ‘all of that which was before can just melt away’.
It just goes to show it is never too late to heal a relationship with another, with the greatest blessing being you can now begin to live the potential of that relationship.
Living the ‘potential of that relationship’ or any relationship will allow us to connect to the pulse of the Universe and how everything in life is forever expanding when we allow the space for that support. It feels like we have squeezed out the potential for so long that we have lost sight of it. How amazing and beautiful it will be when we are living that potential in each moment of our lives.
All our relationships are one relationship and any one relationship deepens, all relationships deepen. And if there is any relationship that is calling to deepen, it is wise to do so.
Thank you Adele – what you express here so succinctly offers an opportunity for us all to expand and deepen each one of our relationships equally and with the same quality of intimacy.
Yes… all our relationships offer us constant opportunities to deepen our expression of love in them. If we’re holding back in one relationship, then we stunt the growth of all our other relationships. Expressing love and what we really feel in our relationships isn’t something that we can switch on and off: it is a lived practice, something we get to work on all of the time if we choose to. Being honest and expressing in one relationship makes it easier to do it in others.
Yes, Bryony – and I am finding that although my sister has now passed over I can still continue to re-imprint this relationship knowing that the whole world is my family.There is never an end simply a cyclical and evolving relationship that we have with the Universe on our path of return.
Love how you’re taking the depth of relationship that you started building with your sister to all other relationships – expanding the possibilities for growth and connection as an offering to all others in your life.
I wonder how many people we wrongly blame for our not so great relationship with them, what if we are the key to making that relationship magnificent again?
There is never someone else to blame, the key is always to look within and feel whether we are living who we truly are and expressing from that place.
As we begin to realise how destructive and abusive it is to blame others for our dis-comfort and unwillingness to accept responsibility, we can become more aware of the freedom honesty allows.
The pictures and or ways that we can get caught in identifying with our roles or places in our families, can rob us of the simplest joys there are in life and that is to honestly share and connect from the essence of who we are. Letting go of these pictures releases us from this cycle and we can surrender to the simplicity of true connection from one heart to another.
You share a deeply profound message for us all Susan, that only through our connection to love and our expression of it with each other, do we realise the oneness our Soul, is who we all are in essence.
The love that 2 women can have when jealousy and comparison are dropped is touching and exquisite.
Susan this is my favourite line: “Reaching this point in our relationship has opened up so many opportunities in my life – I am now able to take responsibility for my part and allow others their dignity.” We think if we have one or two relationships in our lives that are not so good they are isolated, but truthfully they effect our whole lives, and every part of our life we raise the quality it offers us new opportunities in other parts of our lives.
Your realisation that before being sisters you were both women gives space to develop a relationship that is no longer based on a identification with family and all that belongs to that but to let go of these images and start to see each other for the beautiful women you both are.
I’m really getting to feel how we can keep each other stuck for a very long time in a way of being with others that is totally un-evolving and basically abusive, because anything that does not confirm another as divine, is confirming them as lesser, and we can even call this, family love.
Meeting your sister as another woman and not just part of the close family package opens up an awareness of a natural connection rather than focusing on the differences.
As I read this blog I could feel how misunderstandings and misinterpretations can affect sibling relationships and the battle continues on for so many wasted years.
I too used to blame others for disharmonious relationships and it is only in the past 3 years and without perfection I am recognising but also taking the responsibility in the part I played in these games. I’ve observed when I’ve admitted my part in this, it kind of diffuses the situation but also gives the other person permission to ponder on the whole thing – an inspirational blog.
I can very much relate to not feeling a deep closeness with a sibling, and how there were factors going on in the family environment that impacted upon us both, and in different ways… The thing is, there may be a natural ‘closeness’, and there may well not – the key from my experience is to absolutely keep one’s heart open to the other, and yet not expect nor forcefully attempt to create a picture that we think means ‘this is family’.
Our penchant for focussing so intensely upon blood ties in our society doesn’t feel to have truly supported an inclusive and open way forward for us all. I know of very few who’ve actually let go of expectations of their family – actually to their own detriment, with the emotional issues and ups and downs that then so often ensue when we refuse to allow another to simply be that: another human being, and not someone who ‘owes’ us by virtue of blood ties and/or the family of our upbringing.
Letting go of expectations upon any family relationship has been something I’ve also learnt a lot from in this life. Essentially, this has meant to not hold anyone to a particular ‘role’ – an idealised version of how ‘I’ think he or she should be in our relationship. If I place no energetic demands or needs upon another, the tension drops away, as does the illusion that the person is only one’s mother, father, brother, sister, uncle, grandparent… We allow the other to be who they are, unimposed upon, thereby also freeing ourselves from ties and expectations that would keep us also held down and back from a true an honest way of expressing with each other.
Any image or picture resulting in an expectation about relationships will effectively block the true quality of what could be shared between two people. In other words, we can be so busy in our heads concocting the perfect relationship based on what we think it should be, but, that distracts us away from the beauty and simplicity that is already there.
That’s so true Rachel – I had a picture that all my friends would ‘be like me’ – and then I met someone where there was a true friendship – and she didn’t fit the picture. For years I would ponder on this from time to time – and now I am realising that what she was offering was an opportunity to deepen my concept of friendship as we learnt together to truly express our feelings and be open and honest with one another. This friendship has offered me a way to be the real me – whilst also being able to feel that there are parts of me that are not truly me but an identity that I have taken on as I tried to conform – and contract who I truly was in the first place. It’s amazing how my friendships have all expanded from this beautiful reflection that I have been receiving all these years.
A living witness to the truth that with expression from the heart it is never to late to build a bridge of communication with someone.
So true Chris – we so often underestimate our own power to change lifelong patterns within and to put a stop to these cycles of misunderstanding of our true intent. There are always opportunities to change as long as we remember that we only have the power to change ourselves – and that the rest is up to the other person.
We really do have some funny ways that we can be with others, and at times, I have caught myself basically feeling like I am someone else when I am interacting with another, and I have stopped and thought to myself, who are you, as i can feel that I am definitely not being me with the person or situation. Great to catch yourself at those times and bring a shift to the energy you are under.
What you say here Julie has brought up a big ouch moment for me as I realise that there are times when I know that I have gone outside of myself to project something that is not me! It feels that in those moments I have lost connection to who I am, to reality and to the universe, and that I am floating with no anchor to hold me present. When I subscribe to seeking outside of myself I am lost in a sea of illusion and delusion.
It’s interesting what you say Susan – and from my observations ‘family’ can be pretty much closed to what is taking place inside it as well. When we close down our feelings it affects every relationship that we have. And, yes, I agree there is a freedom in new encounters as they do not have all the history and dead weight that comes with unexpressed feelings that have been secreted away for aeons.
Yes, Kristy it is amazing to feel what unfolds as we slowly become more open and honest about the intentions of what we say and do, and how our own state of being can affect how we respond to a situation. Only the other day I found myself going into reaction and fuelling the frustration of another person rather than offering a deeper understanding of what was taking place, as I allowed a personal agenda to drive me and divert me from feeling into what would truly serve and be more loving of the Universe. There are always new and amazing ways we can choose to expand both our understanding and to express our love and truth more widely.
I like the way you highlight that our family members are first women and men finding their way in life just like us. This viewpoint helps to remove the expectations we place on each other to be a certain way.
Yes, Debra – it’s interesting how we have allowed ourselves to engage with the misinterpretation of family and also how we perceive that ‘family must come first’ when the truth is that everyone is our family and of equal importance, as we return to live once again in brotherhood, harmony and true love.
I love the honesty you went to in observing what you were doing when your sister was having a conversation with your cousin. It is very eye opening to step back from a situation and observe what is playing out between people and also observing ourselves in this too and why we are doing what we are doing.
And what it has shown me Elizabeth is that the changes we can make are ongoing – and they affect each relationship we have. I am experiencing a deep shift in the way I feel about my relationships within my family and know this will affect every other interaction I may have with anyone. Evolution is just amazing and ongoing – and it offers everyone expansion that is tangible.
This is a beautiful blog and shows us that it is never too late to build new and supportive relationships with our family.
It astounds me sometimes as I realise and feel an extreme discomfort as I become aware of how these family dynamics can still persist through the generations in spite of the changes I have made. I became aware the other day how I made a seemingly innocent comment to my son – and then felt the dis-ease in my body as it became very clear that I was in fact manipulating the situation to gain control. My new found awareness then allowed my son and I to discuss this behaviour and bring it out into the open rather than leaving it hidden in the shadows where things can fester.
I , in many ways am able to relate to your relationship with your Sister! I am fortunate that we now have a really lovely connection. There was never bad blood between us but rather just a feeling of distance. It is lovely to heal a relationship with another.
That ‘feeling of distance’ when there is no ‘bad blood’ was for me quite deceptive until I became really honest and was more in touch with what I was feeling. For so long I had blocked what was truly happening and this became the norm. I had subscribed to the artificial way of being ‘nice’ and ‘polite’ and it was only when I could no longer hold back on fully expressing all that I felt inside that I was able to change the dynamics and begin to share a more open and warmer relationship with myself and my sister. When I was truly connected the fear left my body and my words found a natural flow.
That’s so true Monica – we do create a space when we can step back and allow our truth to emerge. In the space there is an opportunity to expand and explore different ways to embrace our lives fully and not see any situation as a fixed point. I can see how my own discomfort with my own behaviour has shut me off from deepening relationships – and I am finding that there are always situations coming up that require me to feel more deeply and ponder on my true intention. To truly live life we are forever evolving and no perfection is required.
It’s amazing how something as uncomfortable as realising and accepting our part in life and awkward situations we come to feel a sense of release and expansion in our body. While we hold onto old resentments and patterns we contract our body and limit any sense of well being, and yet until the moment when we are willing to let go we feel blocked from changing. As we allow ourselves to unfold we are forever deepening our relationship with ourselves and others. Appreciating how far I have already come is a wonderful place to begin the return back to who we innately are in our essence.
Thankyou for sharing with honesty how you felt and how you began to realise the extent of your manipulation in your relationship. ” I realised that I was part of the reason that I did not have a wonderful, warm and close relationship with my sister.” Much for me to ponder on with my siblings here.
Thank you Helen for your beautiful comment and for allowing me to appreciate the connection that I made with my sister and how true it felt when I sensed what would support her. As you say when we know someone ‘so well’ there is always a potential for hurtful comments and this has allowed me to feel how often I have been confused by the knowing of this and the knowing of how I also love this person dearly – and yet still want to act on that ‘potential’ to hurt. Certainly something to ponder on deeply and to allow even more hurts to surface and be healed as there is always potential to deepen our understanding of ourselves and of others.
Your comment has inspired in me a great feeling of warmth Richard and I don’t always recognize the very power of words and how they affect everyone, as with one warm connection we can begin to change the world. For so long I haven’t been willing to see that ‘changing the world’ is very, very simple when we claim our power and begin to make new choices. Today I will be more aware of how I express and accept the responsibility there is in every little detail of our livingness.
Re-reading your heart warming blog this morning I was struck by how your growing openness is reflected in the gift of the patchwork cushion, your sister felt the love that had gone into making it and the fact that in order to make it you had connected with what felt true for her. I have often felt conflicted about my relationship with my sister, to others we have always appeared close but because we know each other so well there has always been the potential for hurtful comments when we feel threatened so for me choosing to release past hurts has been crucial in letting go of the layers of protection that I have built up which have prevented us from connecting on a deeper level. Thank you for inspiring me to express my appreciation to her.
To be able to see our children, our relations, in fact everyone as someone in their own right, not simply someone in a role, is essential, as Susan writes, to develop a true and clear relationship with them
It felt confirming to read your words this morning Chris as it highlights how simply we can change the dynamics in a relationship once we get ourselves our of the way and connect to the essence of one another, which is for me undoubtedly all the same essence as we come from the same source. When I get the individual out of the way life becomes simple.
What strikes me when looking at the two pictures is, how much we identify ourselves by our looks when we are young, but then when we grow old these outer characteristics are not so present anymore and sometimes fade completely, like the color and texture of our hair. It shows how much we rely on something that is just the exterior and lasts only for a certain time. Then on the other hand our essence, our inner sparkle, keeps being there and no one can take that away from us.
Yes, Esther it’s beautiful to feel that inner sparkle that does not fade with time. It’s quite usual to hear older people say that they still feel young on the inside and get a surprise when they look in the mirror – our inner sparkle is forever confirming who we are.
Beautiful Sue. Age difference between siblings, or anyone, is irrelevant when we meet each other as equals.
Yes, it sometimes feels like age is used as a barrier to separate us from one another and exploring our different experiences. Once I accepted that wisdom was possible at any age it allowed me to feel that I could learn so much by connecting with everyone and that we are all inherently equal and divine. The wisdom of the young is something so beautiful to appreciate and it has supported me to not give up on life just because I am getting older.
Re-reading your blog Susan has reminded me that when we connect with another purely from our essence with nothing in the way, we get to see the other in equal gorgeousness and love. Then those supposed mountains don’t actually exist, and we are free to enjoy each other from that transparency and openness.
Very inspiring. It clearly shows that when we stop blaming others for things, and take responsibility for our contribution to life, we can move mountains that seemed…well…like mountains, that is, immovable!.
When in fact they are only little mole hills that we blow up to become immovable. It’s amazing how cunning the mind can be when we allow it to rule our heart and take us on a trip of make believe. Reality is that we can choose to change or we can choose to be stuck in our own misery – and once we own this we can begin to become more responsible and begin the way back to self love.
In reality there is always the opportunity ‘just waiting to be addressed with love’ and once we open our mind to the reality that life was not meant to be lived with each of us as separate and living in our own world, we are unlocking the key to why humanity at times seemed to be set on a path to self destruct. When we allow ourselves to share our innermost feelings with another we are offering the opportunity to expand and share our love with the world – and isn’t that what we all truly want?
I love how life allowed you to stop and re-evaluate your relationship with you sister when she was in hospital and from there find a way to deeply connect, rebuild and express from that connection. It is never too later to mend what in truth is never broken, just waiting to be addressed with love.
I have come to see clearly that when a problem arises with another person there is a tendency to immediately think that it’s their fault, and so the very destructive blame game begins. It has also become very obvious that this problem is usually not the first point to address, as it often, as you came to see Susan, comes from an issue that we are holding onto that is simply being reflected back to us; a most precious opportunity to heal, not only the issue within us, but from there the issue in the relationship.
Yes, I agree and there are still times when I notice this tendency to not take responsibility can creep into how I feel. As with everything that we are learning to re-imprint with a more loving and expansive way this takes practice and time as we let go of numerous patterns that have held us locked in way that separates us rather than allowing us to build intimacy. It feels truly wonderful when we allow others into our life and begin to have a relationship that expands with true intimacy. As we allow ourselves to be honest we can let go of the issues that you refer to and block any opportunity to live as a one humanity. One day we will return to true unity and brotherhood and let go of the need to have ‘issues’ as we heal from our hurts.
When I stop and realise how much has changed in my relationship with my sister it confirms to me that anything is possible. We should never give up on relationships – as I change and unfold it also opens doors – doors that have felt to be closed for ever. The more we can be love the more opportunity there is to expand our experience.
What a beautiful sharing Susan, and inspired me to ponder on my relationship with my own sister.
It’s crazy how we fight how much we love each other, no matter what’s happened between us, there is always the possibility for the grandness of love.
I agree Meg ‘there is always the possibility for the grandness of love’ and we should never give up on ourselves or on the world. As I begin to become more intimate with myself I can see that for so long I hid this love away and now it feels so much more freeing and empowering to share what I have with others, as I realise that what we are all seeking is love.
The words from the song, only love can confirm us, were truly confirmed last night with a member of my family, as I held myself in my own love and saw them as an equal for the first time. The relationship totally changed and we were two equally amazing people sharing together. It was the most beautiful moment of allowance and acceptance.
Susan I was really touched by your blog when re-reading it again. Your frank honesty is inspiring and there is a beauty in knowing that our relationships can be re-ignited and or healed at any time in our lives. Thank you for your sharing.
This is gorgeous to read Susan and be reminded of the power of love to truly heal any relationship as you have done with your sister. Deepening the relationship with myself has been key to dropping judgments I had around some family members and now when I am with them I can be more understanding and appreciate all the qualities they bring.
Thanks Susan for the great example of how its never to late to re imprint a relationship and another point which I found interesting is that how we are with family members is how we are with everybody
I love this explanation of how we can accept our family members as part of the package we get when we are born, without being encouraged to see eachother for the people that we are, the women and men that we are. This is a poignant point that Susan Lee makes, because today it is possible to see a lot of unsettled relationships within families that can last for life times.
Susan the relationship you describe here with your sister, is so beautiful, and there is much to celebrate and appreciate, how you have let go of everything that is not part of love and held your own love to build and grow this relationship. This is what true relationships are all about. Thank-you for sharing, this very beautiful story.
Thank you Susan. You share so many gorgeous insights here and remind me that it is never too late to connect to another if we are willing to take responsibility for our part in the current state of the relationship.
I was brought to tears by your beautiful and honest tale of sisters, thank you so much for sharing it. I truly hope to meet you one day Susan Lee as your photo just shines out who you are, as does you very sweet story.
My sister recently had her 80th birthday and it was a joy to deepen and express my tender feelings. As I gently embraced her I could feel such a warmth of love that felt exquisite. I feel such deep appreciation for all the support I have received in continuing to express and expand and evolve my relationships – thank you Serge Benhayon for offering such an awesome reflection to the world.
Susan I love your sharing and the inspiring and lovely way your relationship has blossomed with your sister. I too have had a fairly distant relationship with one of my family but over the past 10 years I have made a much greater effort to connect on a deeper level and show my appreciation and love that I have for her. This has resulted in a lovely close supportive relationship that I would not have had but for my connection to Serge Benhayons teachings and amazing example!
This blog shows that it’s never too late to take responsibility for our part in a relationship and that by moving away from blame or jealousy to a place of awareness, understanding and acceptance we begin to reflect a different self to the other party which can sometimes be enough to catalyse both simple and profound changes.
I have found it hard to accept that it can take a lifetime or a serious illness to bridge the distance between siblings but it is often true, that it takes something to bring humbleness in order to open up to each other.
Dear Susan
Thank you for sharing your experience with your sister; I don’t think you are alone in the sorts of jealousies, emotional games and sense of distance that can play out in sibling relationships! I can certainly relate to the gap in years and in personality with my siblings and similar outplays of distance.
It is so beautiful when we can see our own part in this and begin to bring real understanding and tenderness into the relationship rather than protection and reaction. I am inspired by the level of honesty that is beginning to open up between you.
I felt deeply touched by this blog today. The simple honesty and expression of love and the sharing of your process. It shows up the profound obstacle that jealousy puts in our way when it comes to true relationships and also shows that it is never too late to transform family or any other relationship. Thank you Susan.
What a very beautiful story of transformation, self awareness, self responsibility and love Susan, thank you. What a divine blessing for both of you.
Yes, Christine, I so agree family members do offer us a clarity and marker as to the way we are truly living. For me it is an ongoing process of defining and redefining and an ongoing and never ending experience as we learn to let go of ideals and beliefs and begin to open up to honesty and openness in the way that we interact. This for me has proved very challenging as I have lived life in a way that put family first and as I learn to let go I am realising that my family includes everyone, and that means leaving out no one. I am also learning that as I accept responsibility for the way I live this allows these relationships to flow and deepen in a beautiful way.
Wow Susan – I can feel huge potential when I read your comment. You show me that we have the opportunity to have loving relationships with everyone if we commit to keeping our hearts open and taking responsibility for the way we interact with ourselves and others.
Hi Susan – reading your blog I can hear and feel the joy and celebration in your re-connection with your sister. Family members offer us clear reflections of where we are and what is going on within us. Your unfolding is priceless and such a gift for both of you. Thank you for sharing your expanding awareness.
We never know when we are going to be offered opportunities to open up communication do we Helen – and I was offered one such opportunity the other day. I was sitting next to a young man on a coach journey and when I sat down I said ‘Hello’ and he briefly responded and in the normal way I would have left it there as he did not appear from his body language to want any further communication. However, there was an impulse that I followed that here was an opportunity to communicate and express how we felt – and a realisation that underneath it all we are all the same and enjoy human contact. I began to ask him about his reason for travelling and soon the interaction opened up and he was showing me photographs of his family. It was a beautiful moment spent intimately with a stranger who I will never see again – and yet that somehow does not matter as the quality of what we shared expanded both our experiences of life.
Thats beautiful Susan and such an inspiration for us all to follow those impulses that connect us further. When we open up to love and expresses that love the world changes.
What a beautiful photograph of you both together Susan! It has been a long journey but through you being open and willing to acknowledge what was happening and even more importantly – why it might be that way, your approach has opened up a whole new relationship with your sister. Clearly she was wanting the same thing as you but didn’t know how to go about it. By you starting to take the first steps, the resistance has melted away over time. Your story shows what is possible in all relationships and reminds me to be open to love and sharing in even the most unlikely places. Thank you.
It felt truly beautiful to be able to capture the full meaning of this moment in words that fully expressed the depth of love and a beautiful coming together that for us needed no words – just to be at one. When we are truly at one with ourselves there is no feeling of imposition or need and our relationships will one day all be like this – to be in harmony with the whole world.
“It felt like I touched that place where our souls met.” I love this line for in its beauty I feel the warmth of a love that knows no divide – our true home.
True family is united by love, not blood.
I love this Liane “True family is united by love, not blood”. in truth this is known in the inner hearts of all of us yet many choose to not acknowledge it and instead focus on “blood family’ this has caused huge problems through out history as forgetting we are all one has enabled separation to slip and play it’s ugly game in it’s many differing ways.
Yes, Samantha and it also feels that at the same time we load such great expectations on the relationship we have with our family – so is it any small wonder that there are often cracks beneath the surface of this ‘seemingly’ happy family. I know that in my life I have chosen to hide the problems and those around me chose not to see – and hence we all remained in comfort – but no true joy. The relationship we had on retrospect was superficial and shallow and now it feels so freeing to begin to change the balance and depth.
So true…….
Thankyou Susan for being a living example that it is never too late for love. It really struck me how you saw your sister in the past as being part of the ‘package’ that comes with family. This is so true and makes me realise how much we can use duty and obligation to mask our sight of the true essence of those we share our lives with. What a gorgeous healing you have offered for you both and us all, thankyou.
That is so precisely true Liane – we do lose sight of the true essence when we see anyone in our lives as a package, as we can then take them for granted and our senses become blunted. When we connect first to our essence and then feel the true beauty and delicacy that is unfolding within each one of us we can begin to open up to that same connection we all hold to God and the Universe.
I agree Chris – we can allow these patterns to become self sustaining and a belief that we inherently carry forward as we are so often encouraged to do when we confirm these things by random expressions such as ‘that is the way it is’ which are fed to us to keep us in this cycle as though we are powerless victims of circumstances. While we keep going around in circles, without realising that we can put a halt to the cycle any time we choose, by just stepping out of our comfort and become willing to let go of our pride and arrogance.
In some places deep family hurts and grievances are carried on generation after generation until the vendetta itself becomes self-sustaining… As humans we can choose to hang onto things for so long but what is being presented here is that it is possible to let go and to start again with a foundation of heart truth and reconnection.
I love what you say here Chris about letting go and starting with a foundation of truth and reconnection. Before I came to Universal Medicine I blamed my parents for much, it wasn’t very obvious but it was there in the background, dropping this has made way for a much more loving and true full relationship.
Thank you Samantha – as we begin to open up to our truth and begin to claim it in the way we live, we are all a part of a wonderful network that inspires and supports others as we go about our daily tasks. As we appreciate how powerful this can be we each make a contribution to the greater whole and miracles become our day to day experience. It’s beautiful to feel the expansion as we all come together and confirm our true strength in unity with the whole wide world.
Sue I have watched you flourish these last few years and wow am I inspired! I love how you took responsibility and dealt with the situation between you and your sister, when we open our hearts to healing and truly let it in miracles happen!
Honesty clearly is a bridge that connects us and allows us to take responsibility to heal our relationships and in your living example Susan it shows us what amazing transformations can happen to our relationships when we are open and honest. It also shows us how these relationships can be redeveloped and evolve into something that is far more loving and precious that what they had been previously. Its all very inspiring really and with Christmas Day tomorrow I cannot but ponder on the fact that much healing and letting go of the old for so many households could happen if amongst all the food and presents this sort of love and openess is also brought to the table. Now that would be the true gift of Christmas.
It certainly would be a blessing Suse – it often feels that the food and presents are the focus rather than celebrating true relationships and love. There is nothing wrong with celebrating with food and presents but the true essence of Christmas sometimes becomes lost as do our connections to ourselves and one another.
Yes indeed jealousy is certainly insidious and can be hidden. Reading your response Susan, I can feel the previous unwillingness to admit that I have jealousy towards a couple of people in my life that I havent wanted to truly admit to till now. I have allowed my mind to tell me that it is okay as it is only slightly there but that dishonesty only stops me from having a truly loving relationship with them and reflective of holding back love from myself also. And as you say, it feels great to voice it so that you can see it for the trickster that it is.
Aah, Julie – I had to smile when you said about jealousy that you have allowed your mind to tell you that it is okay as it is only slightly there as I know how often I have fooled myself in the same way, and that is where I find my spirit can lead me astray when I compromise any little detail or feeling that is uncomfortable. When I was told by an esoteric practitioner that the uncomfortable feeling that I had around a certain person was ‘just jealousy’ it felt like a freedom as having claimed this I can look at jealousy in the true light of the day and once we bring the subject out into the open we can allow others to see that none of us are perfect – that we all carry jealousy whether we are prepared to see it or not.
Susan, the healing both you and your sister has experienced goes to show that regardless of your age it is never too late to mend our connections with others and that no relationship ‘is ever fixed and cannot be changed’. Great blog.
Jealousy is certainly insidious and covert in the way that it is so carefully hidden – and yet blindingly obvious when we allow ourselves to feel it. It has been named one of the seven deadly sins – so that in itself has encouraged denial and allowed it to fester and grow as we avoid admitting our true feelings. It feels like great freedom to finally have it out in the open and be able to begin to deal with it.
What a dastardly emotion jealousy is! You have been sisters for such a long time Susan and it is equally sad and mind boggling to realise that over that time the separation you have felt between each other was fed to you both courtesy of jealousy. How many other relationships have been destroyed because of this wicked emotion??
This is such a beautiful blog Susan and really shows me that there is hope for me and my family. Although we all get on pretty well and have never had any major fallouts, I still feel that we could all be so much closer. I caught up with everyone at a wedding a couple of years back and almost felt like an outsider in my own family. Part of this I think was the fact I don’t drink anymore and many in my family definitely like a tipple and living on the other side of the world doesn’t help. In todays way of living with technology as it is the distance should not be the problem. I just feel a lot of it is to do with how busy everyone seems to be these days and we are often completely caught up in our own lives to stop and truly feel what is more important in life.
I have read this blog before although it was a long time ago and I remember thinking to myself at the time that I needed to make more of an effort with my siblings. This I haven’t really managed but I can really relate to jealousy and rivalry in the family dynamic. I caught up with my younger brother recently and really was able to feel the love I have for him but still felt the distance between the two of us that needs to be talked about and felt with. Before I read this blog again I hope to have shortened some of that distance.
I can relate to what you say Kevin – it is amazing how we allow time to delay us from acting on our initial impulse. It’s as though we are imbued with this amazing vision and then allow an energy in that diverts us and waters down our sense of reaching out and being true and honouring our true selves. Your comment has inspired me to again go deeper and to allow the connection to grow and expand.
It surely is Chris – the bridge building back to ourselves is just the beginning of the most wonderful relationship we are about to have not only with ourselves but with the world at large as we expand our world to become part of the Universe. These bridges have no fixed points as they reach out beyond our limited horizon and their purpose is to connect us back to our own inner innate beauty which we are then able to share with others.
and this wonderful sense of connection and bridge building can take place every day in our lives… if we simply build the bridge back to ourselves… It is the fact everyone to walk over and to connect… How lovely.
Lovely to reread this Susan, I love the fact that you have chosen to deal with what was getting in the way of a true relationship between you are your sister. You are an inspiration who shows us it is never to late to bring truth, love and healing into any relationship.
What a great blog that breaks the belief system of being with our siblings based on “duty”. Making the choice to build a relationship based on love becomes a joy and our time spent with brothers or sisters not longer becomes a duty but an absolute pleasure.
What a joy to read your words Harrison – when we see the truth of a situation we open up a whole new world of understanding and our lives begin the return to us being in our essence and at one with God and his divine co-creation.
It is lovely Ingrid to feel that you too are demonstrating ‘that it is never too late to heal relationships’. It feels amazing that you are willing to approach your relationship with your brother with such tenderness and graciousness, whilst not having any expectations of what might evolve. It does feel that taking the photograph album may offer an opportunity for you both to connect and to allow a deepening in your relationship. It’s amazing how the power of love can open a way forward that before may have seemed impossible.
Beautiful! By resolving our part in a relationship, it releases the other person as well! this is something I have experienced and am still learning about every day. Its about not holding onto what I perceive as a hurt, but rather seeing things for what they truly are.
Absolutely Harrison, wise words, there are still times when I at first blame another and then realise the problem is with me!
When I nominate I am only hurt only because of my own imposed expectations it makes way for healing and understanding of the situation.
As you have displayed Susan its never to late to re imprint a relationship and what a big difference it makes when you have consideration of the other persons perspective
Thank you Susan for sharing your story, I have a younger sister, who I never grew up with, as there is 16 years between us and I left home at a young age. We don’t keep in contact very often, and this does sadden me at times. I am very encouraged by your sharing, and feel to keep in contact with my sister more often.
Thank you Susan for this story, the second by you today. I’m starting to heal certain relationships and I am finding that it is not as difficult as I thought. Once I let go of stubbornness and the belief system that kept me closed off from others for so long, life becomes simpler, more joyful. Having been a loner all my life I see that the only way to evolve is by belonging and sharing with others. That is definitely the way to be from now on.
It is amazing how we transfer our hurt on to the other person – or that is what it feels as though we do when we begin to blame.
That is interesting what you say Nicole and feels true. It feels as though the pain of our own hurt is too much to bear and the only way to resolve this without a true healing is to lash out at someone else and make them the focus of our discomfort.
It was lovely returning to your inspirational blog today Susan as it is helping to support a feeling that it is time to see if it is possible to deepen the connection with my brother. There is almost 19 years between us and he had left home when I made my surprise appearance. We have never been close and usually I have had to make the contact with him, but as he is soon to turn 85, I am feeling that it is time to see if we can move on from the superficial conversations we normally have. I have found a very old photograph album of our parents containing photos of me as a baby and him as well. I feel that taking this with me on my next visit may be a doorway to understanding more about him and his relationship with our parents; but of course I go with no expectations, just unconditional love. You have certainly demonstrated that it is never too late to heal relationships.
Seeing people through roles or through our own hurts means that we don’t really see them for who they are and so a true relationship is not possible. I love how Sara supported you to not first focus on your relationship with your sister but on your relationship with yourself – and through the honesty and commitment you had to yourself, you were able to bring love and understanding to your sister. This shows that we hold the key to our relationships – at least starting with the quality that we bring to them. Beautiful, thank you Susan.
Yes Sarah, I can see how being centred on self blinds us from seeing all the love that is available when we let go of self and begin the process of connecting with others and allow that to expand our innate love that we truly hold for humanity. I have known for so long that I held this love inside and yet it’s only in the last few years that I have found a way to access the love and to truly understand what love is. The love and support that I receive from Sara has allowed me to gently unfold and begin the process of connecting not only to my sister but to everyone else – and in this I feel truly blessed.
I know this too Susan, to blame the other for the poor contact we have. It is therefore so beautiful that you have taken the courage to look at you contribution to the status quo there was in your relationship with your sister for that a great part of your life. It is truly lovely to see you both together were I can feel the love and equalness of you both in your rejuvenated relationship.
Thank you Nico, I feel I have been truly blessed to have been given another chance in this lifetime to heal not only my own hurt but to open the way for further healing in my family and others. As we expand our experience of life we are offered so many opportunities – the more we open up the more we allow ourselves to feel the hurts of the past and to let them go. Of course, none of this would have been possible without all the love and support that I receive from Universal Medicine and the many awesome practitioners and students. My life is so abundant and I appreciate all the opportunities that I am offered to make different choices in the way I live.
Thank you for sharing. It is amazing how much jealousy can ruin relationships and how if you allow it, it can poision and taint the beautiful connection that you naturally have with your sister. It is awesome that you choose to be aware and to work on the situation and most of all, take the first step towards love. As I was reading your blog, I could feel how with changing this relationship, what a massive impact it will have on other relationships you have.
That is so true Rosie, it has had a massive impact on other relationships – and the whole of my life. It is so empowering and freeing to accept ourselves warts and all and to begin to see that we are all the same underneath all the many roles that we play. Age, relationship or our sex does not alter how we experience life and how underneath all the many facades that we use there is a beauty and a tenderness that surpasses any outward difference.
What I love about this is it is never too late, that no matter what has been when we bring love into the situation there is the opportunity to heal relationships. Would love to continue hearing how this unfolds for you both, it has inspired me to reconnect with my family.
Hi Susan, such a lovely sharing. I always had a close relationships with my sister and love her very much but what I have found interesting over recent years since beginning to live in more connection to myself is how my understanding of why the members of my family relate to each other in the way that they do. This has led to small changes in the way I choose to live and in the way I relate to my family too, just as you have shared.
Yes Michael – once we have a deeper connection within, our whole life takes on a deeper and more profound meaning as do our relationships and as you say the adjustments are quite small but the expansion that we experience both in ourselves and in our expression is amazing.
I really enjoyed reading this blog and what came across to me was, it doesn’t matter how old we are it’s still worth dealing with those childhood jealousies and grudges that we hold against our siblings.
After reading this I have a new appreciation for my two sisters who from a very young age I have always had a strong bond with, but even within that dynamic there has been times of jealousy and resentment which over the years we have spoken about.
Susan- I loved reading this heartfelt blog about your sister and yourself, how by dealing with your own childhood hurts- jealousy you were able to let her in, and rebuild a true relationship built on honesty and love.
This was deeply touching to read Susan. It is so beautiful that your commitment to addressing how you have been in the world has supported you in connecting deeper to yourself and healing your relationship with your sister. It brought tears to my eyes feeling the honesty and love expanding between you.
Yes Samantha, it is joy-full for me to feel the tenderness and depth of love between me and my sister as we both change. It feels so lovely to be able to share this expansion with my sister as we both become closer and more open and uninhibited in our expression with one another – and with those around us.
What a very beautiful and inspiring story Susan; thank you for sharing your experiences and wisdom
It is amazing what happens when we take responsibility for ourselves and how we are in a certain relationship.
I felt great appreciation for you Susan, as I could relate your story to a situation with one of my sisters.
This experience highlights the responsibility we all have in the quality of how we choose to live. As you started to deepen your own quality of living Susan the quality of your relationship was allowed to also deepen as you brought a much deeper expression of You to it.
What is being revealed here, is indeed a revelation, an understanding that even deeply cemented and embedded hurts can be looked at and healed, allowing true relationships to be restored, and love and harmony to be enjoyed where it was once thought to be impossible.
Thank you Chris for bringing me back to that deep down feeling of how we have ‘deeply cemented and embedded’ these hurts and allowed them to become who we are and hence affect all our relationships. It feels like a disease which if not addressed only deepens and widens the separations that we can feel especially within family relationships. As you say we are also able to ‘be restored, and love and harmony to be enjoyed where it was once thought to be impossible’, and I am greatly appreciative of this opportunity.
Susan there was something so healing and joyous about reading your blog about your unfolding relationship with your sister.
It is never too late to take any relationship deeper and it all starts with us. 🙂 🙂
Thank you Kathryn, and I feel with your comment you bring with it another dimension, as I feel and can connect to that feeling of joyousness that you express and I feel is part of your livingness. When we can all connect in this way we will begin to feel true brotherhood.
It is very empowering to realise our own part in unsatisfactory relationships. Then there is the awesome possibility that by moving those things within us that we have held onto as if they were unchangeable parts of us, we can begin to change those relationships. This is a beautiful blog about the real growth of two women and the healing of their relationship and I found it very inspiring. Thank you Susan.
Exactly, Amanda – it is so amazingly empowering to realise our own part in any situation when we let go of being the victim. While we are attached to being the victim we are compounding our own situation deeper and deeper into our karma. Once we have begun the process of allowing ourselves to be human and become unhooked from our attachment to being perfect we can only look back in amazement as to why we have voluntarily stayed in this place for so long – it feels like sheer madness!
Susan thank you, what a beautiful sharing of your deepening relationship with your sister. Your blog serves to show that no matter how long members of a family have been estranged it is never too late to express love and caring, as in the gift of the lovingly made cushion, allowing an opening for true healing to occur.
Thank you Rosemary – opening a relationship can begin with something as simple as lovingly making a cushion, or else as I found out the other day approaching a failing friendship with a new depth of love and responsibility. When we are truly honest and take responsibility for our part we are offered a moment where we can re-imprint an old hurt and let go of the past and go forward with a more committed and loving intention, which expands our relationship and the space that we hold in our hearts for one another.
I agree Kerstin, it feels like one of the many paradoxes that we encounter when we are living a life that is not one of truth and love. It’s not until we begin to explore the meaning of life that I feel we slowly unravel the bizarre way that we have lived life for so long – one that has become a life of separation and existence. Deep down we have an innate feeling that this is not a life that is honouring and respectful of who we truly are in our essence.
Such beautiful honest sharing Susan of the relationship you had with your sister, the barriers that kept you apart- beliefs you took on, jealousy. Taking responsibility for our behaviour in relationships is the first step in allowing it to change. Making it about love is what then allows the relationship to deepen and feel more true, and become long lasting. I am finding this to be so in all my relationships now .
Yes Loretta – love is the key that opens up our hearts and allows us to expand our relationships and develop a way of life that is deeply honouring and beautiful. As we tentatively go forward from our first step we begin a deep and profound relationship with each moment of our life as love is deeply sustaining. Love feels as though it is presented to us in countless ways and it is for us to engage with each opportunity and expand love in the world.
I find it totally interesting to see how you can be born into tje same family but still feel like strangers or even enemies.
Lovely to hear your comment Shevon – and for the reminder that as we open the door on becoming more responsible for our part in one relationship this can allow us to go beyond and to make choices that expand not only our relationship with ourselves but with all those we will meet in our future. It feels truly amazing to be able to embrace the concept of all relationships being free from block or hindrance.
Susan, your blog is a breath of fresh air and as I was reading I could see a couple of relationships in my life, where I could see how my behaviour is creating a division. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and so pleased that your sister was willing for you to share your story.
I enjoyed this wonderful blog written with frankness and openness. It touched deeply on relationships with my siblings and my similar perception about how they we were all part of a family unit that was quite constrictive. I am sure I felt jealousy between us and engaged in competition for affection and recognition. Much healing has occurred since and I attribute this to changes that have occurred largely through my association with Universal Medicine. As the love has expanded in my life I have been able to let go of dutifully trying to ‘get on’ with my sister and brothers, which was so much part of the dynamics of our family in the past.
Thank you Simon – I could so relate to your words ‘dutifully trying to ‘get on’ . When we let go of all our ideals and beliefs love has an opportunity to blossom and grow in these relationships – and we begin to see that underneath all the superficiality we are all the same.
I love your honesty in your blog Susan and the fact that you were willing to go there and turn everything around to see just what had been the reason for your distance from one another. I have had some feelings of distance between some family members, but like you decided that I had always felt some sorrow at that and made the effort to let go and just be Love, we now enjoy each others company and keep in touch often by phone , and throughout the year a few times, in visits as we live quite a distance from one another. I love the closeness and sharing relationships with family very much they’re so supportive and valuable.
As you equally express here Susan it is so easy to get caught up and lost in blaming other for our lack of relationship when really we eqaully are not holding up our half which is all we can naturally so do, making it possible to actually have a true relationship with another even if they are not committed to having that back, it’s such a less imposing way to be..
Excellent Oliver! I must remember what you have shared, it has been a great healing for me to read.
Yes, I agree Harrison, what Oliver says is a great healing – I know that I have often become lost in the blame which only keeps us going around in circles and far away from evolving, as it lays a heavy weight that demeans and blocks the way. As we let go of control and allow things to evolve in a way that is natural and unimposing we set everyone free from obligation and open to the possibilities of love and truth, and understanding.
Susan I have just read your article for the second time, there is so much in it to explore. I totally agree that so many families have contact out of obligation and a feeling that they don’t want to totally lose contact. But the contact that they do have is often functional at best. What was great to read about the relationship with your sister is that you chose to actively do something about your relationship and in doing so transformed it.
As you say Alexis, and I have been realising that functional is often the best we can do until we realise that there is more to life than ‘doing’ and begin to offer a greater commitment to our relationships. When we begin to develop a sense of responsibility for the way we live our lives a whole new world opens up as we feel an unbinding ‘joie de vivre’ that was absent before. Each relationship can become more precious as we tenderly approach each person with love and respect.
Thank you Susan for so openly sharing about the relationship with your sister. It most definitely mirrors what actually goes on between women in general in our society. That jealousy, comparison and manipulation does play out, when in truth, what you have shared, shows us that women are all ‘sisters’ to each other. The potential of these issues and hurts to dissolve away is possible, when we first develop a loving relationship with ourselves. This self loving relationship gives us the capacity to see this same gorgeous and exquisiteness in another woman – our fellow sister.
That is so true there is nothing more exquisite and divine than a truly loving relationship with ourselves. It is not until we connect and have that depth of relationship with ourselves that we can feel the depth of beauty and then see and develop this with another. Life becomes awesome when we begin to appreciate ourselves and live life in this way.
Susan what a great blog and so familiar to me. I too have played the duty game when it came to my relationship with my sister. Making steps to be more loving and understanding of one another has made each gathering memorable and I so look forward to seeing her each and every time.
Yes nb – this feeling of duty spills over into so many areas of life. As I become more self loving the duty element disperses and love lightly replaces a moment that previously felt heavy.
What a touching sharing Susan and such gorgeous pictures of you and your lovely sister. I see you now have the same hair colour!
Lovely – thank you for pointing that out – as our hair has become more congruent so have our hearts!
I loved reading your story Susan. Your honesty and openness and a willingness to be more loving with your sister. I find it inspirational that a stuck and old pattern of relating can be changed and love is never stubbed out. You both look beautiful and very loving in both the photos and there is a special love and bond of equal intensity between you. It has always been there even though your perceptions kept you blind to it.
Thank you Concetta – it is a relationship that is forever deepening and as it does so does our responsiveness to one another.
Concetta I love what you have shared about love always being there between people in families. It feels so far from the truth at times but the truth of the matter is that love is always there regardless of the amount of crap on top.
It’s lovely what you say Alexis – and so true. Love is constant even though at times we may put up barriers to stop our hearts connecting to the wisdom that we find within.
In returning to this beautiful blog again this morning I sensed a similar situation in my own family between my brother and myself. How important it is to keep those lines of communication open and to not hold back with our expression. Any simple act of kindness and lovingly applied as you did Susan is a very powerful combination. Which in itself gives an opportunity for long shut doors to be open once more and to let the love in which, had always been there to be felt again.
This is a beautiful tender blog Sue. Our relationship with our siblings is a training ground for our relationships with everyone else. It is a bit of an ‘ouch’ moment when we realise that our lack of connection and open communication with our family is how we are with the rest of the world. It is never too late to change and make different choices in how we relate to ourselves and everyone around us.
So true Mary – life can be just as wonderful as we choose to make it. When we choose love it opens the door to so many opportunities to express fully all those long held back feelings that have been there to express all along.
The most inspiring moments are usually the simplest. The tender touch of our hand can express a deep appreciation for another and the hair feels so delicate when we move it. When we reach into our hearts and express from there, there is an amazing exchange of love and this can only build as we express more and more.
That feels so true Jenny – when we connect as equals our inner heart expands to meet the other in a way that ignites the light within.
I too am deeply touched how both of you seem to have acknowledged your hurts and jealousy and from there can connect from a deeper place. There feels like such as ease and warmth to connecting to another from that equal place of our inner hearts.
I used to love getting caught up in the dramas of the issues but I am learning to say what needs to be said and then detach… no feeding the issue. It feels such a loving and nurturing thing to do for myself and therefore for others too.
What a deeply inspiring blog. I was touched when I read that Susan’s sister expressed her jealousy she had felt towards Susan. This is a wonderful confirmation for Susan. When we heal our hurts our relationships change and become more honest and loving. Thank you Susan for sharing.
What you say is so true Caroline – that feeling of jealousy that I felt with my sister was just the beginning of realising the depth and breadth of jealousy and how it was encompassing all of my life and can even affect the briefest of interactions. The power of acknowledging jealousy has been tremendously healing for me as it no longer holds the power of shame.
Thank you Susan your beautiful blog has inspired me to try to form deeper contacts with my siblings.
Love and it’s amazing ways. The proof is all here in all of these beautiful responses from everyone. Love is all encompassing and a true liberator that is for sure. I recently turned my relationship around with a close family member because I chose to let them in and just be love with them. A simple hug from my heart done so playfully and easily (which in the past felt awkward and unnatural) totally turned it around for me. Now when I think of them and that moment I can feel that moment like it has just happened, and there are no walls between us. It’s very beautiful. So thank-you again Susan, your blog has sent a universal wave of love to us all.
And for me the beauty is that this love is there for us all to share and develop. It is so spherical and deep and when we begin to feel the healing that love brings into our lives we move closer to God – there is nothing to be left out.
Susan how gorgeous to read your experience of the deeply healing power of love and honesty.
A beautiful blog Susan, it is truly amazing when we can bring love into a relationship that has not shown it before. Families are such troublesome playgrounds for feelings and hurts of children. Things said to a child by parents and siblings can be carried for many years without realizing the hurt they bring up. Amazing that there are true tools brought to us by Serge Benhayon that can help us deal with our hurts and re-live love in all our relationships.
‘Families are such troublesome playgrounds for feelings and hurts of children’ – this is a great analogy, Lisa. It does feel as though our ‘family’ is one of these words that brings up so many past hurts and memories, when we allow things to fester, and we do play such games within our families that often have rules and patterns that are deeply entrenched. When we are able to see them for what they are, they begin to lose their hold over the family and we all then become so much freer to begin to express our true feelings in a way that opens up new ways to relate. Our sense of family changes and is no longer something that is built on an illusion but on reality and love.
This blog reflects a sad reality: the extent to which we accept limited relationships and we brush it off with whatever we need to justify it and, how much do we have to gain if we open up, heal hurts and meet each other.
I agree Eduardo, it is a sad reality and one that I allowed to limit my life for so long. We hang on to our opinions of life and to the ideals and beliefs that have been part of our life as though they were great treasures to be hoarded when in fact they are a burden that we drag around with us until they become too heavy. It feels so much lighter now that I can let go of the past and move on with more love and openness.
This is so beautiful. You are the prove – it is absolutely worth spending time in relationships – also the harder ones!
Thank you Susan… an exemplary example of how it is never too late to build bridges, and that by taking responsibility for one’s own interactions much healing can take place.
yes, taking responsibility allows for true healing and this is something we can choose at any time in our lives.
That is so right Simon – when I allow myself to write it feels as though it takes me to a deeper level of feeling and knowing as it feels that the physical action or movement of writing opens our body up to a greater wisdom of understanding and acceptance. This also feels true when I write comments – it allows a greater interaction with my true depth of feeling.
Thank you Susan it felt to me that some of the history with your sister unravelled a little more in your writing of this blog and I felt as you recounted it, how that contributed to the healing for you and for myself reading it, because we all have relationships in our lives in which we have not as yet opened up to the love naturally there to claim.
I too thoroughly enjoyed your sharing Susan and found it was so helpful in opening my eyes a little wider to see just how holding back our Love affects every aspect of our lives, not just one other person but all. I also found much wisdom in Rays comments. Thank you.
I so enjoyed reading your beautiful post Susan. There was so many gems to read. I love how the way I am in one relationship shows how I am really acting in all of my relationships. It can be a shock to the system at times but I am learning to embrace these discoveries as I feel they allow me to develop truly loving connections with others.
I agree Leonne, when we embrace the truth even when it’s uncomfortable to feel, we can begin to heal both ourselves and others and as you say ‘develop truly loving connections’. This is living life to the full and not just existing because we stubbornly hold on to the past. This way we can let go of the past and change the future as well.
I was deeply touched by what you shared about the evolving relationship you are developing with your sister Susan. What struck me in what you wrote was that you had not considered that the way you were relating to your sister was how you were relating to others. How true this is, we can feel we act in one way to one person but in truth this has an impact and effect on all our connections as it reflects our lack of openness to life. This has brought about a new awareness for me and is shining a light on the ways in which I hold back from bringing all of me and my love to the world. Thankyou for sharing your awareness it has definitely brought some light into my own life.
It is always lovely to read the comments Jade as they reflect back to me that changing our relationships is an ongoing process and that each time we are challenged by another occurrence this is not a failure so much as another opportunity to further deepen the way that we can express in the world. It feels like we all shine our lights to inspire others and in that way we become less separated. The more humility I embrace the more wonderful life becomes.
Back again to read this blog of yours Susan and this time around and reading the comments I get a sense of a appreciation for others (or a lack there of). Here we have people in our lives, friends, family, even people we come across in life all the time in shops, on the tube etc. Even in these comments are people sharing their own understandings and experiences that can support others to get a better understanding of their own experiences. With those we are more familiar with we have people around us who may know us inside out, is that not the best team to support each other? What this is getting me to consider is that other people are amazing, we together are actually a pretty awesome team – it’s just that we have used each other in the past as an accessory to our own personal bubble rather than seeing them as the equally awesome and capable of loving people they are.
That is so gorgeous Leigh – how you have really brought in another dimension to how we express – we are given so many moments to express and so often we ignore these blessings because we are so bound up in our ‘own personal bubble’. When we allow ourselves to burst the bubble and connect there are loving opportunities there for us to expand and contribute to the world in a way that is more universal and encompassing. Wow, we are amazing when we allow ourselves to evolve with each beautiful experience.
Thank you Raymond – I found your comment too was like a breath of fresh air expressed with such openness and love. It is lovely to feel that with the support of the many women I have met at Universal Medicine Events I have been given support to change my life in so many ways. It feels lovely to share my story with others and to reflect out into the world that it’s never too late to change even the most deeply rooted patterns.
It is inspiring to feel the understanding you brought to yourself and your sister Susan. In understanding the dynamics of jealousy and how they played out, and also understanding your contribution to the relationship and then working on it.
For many it can be easier to blame another or accept that ‘that’s just how it is’… you have shown that it is possible to change yourself in any relationship, and that in itself is everything, whether the other chooses to open up and also allow more love or not.
I so agree Kylie, until I begin to take responsibility to look within nothing will be able to change. It feels as if by looking within we give ourselves the amazing opportunity to observe what is truly going on. As I offer myself self love I am like a flower in the sunshine – I am opening more and more, and then I am able to see all of the picture rather than only the parts I choose to see. I am realising more and more how jealousy, both to me and from me, have had the most major impact on my life – jealousy has been such a taboo word for so very long, it seems, that no one was even willing to talk about it, let alone see the impact that it has on our lives.
Hello Susan, what a deeply touching and gorgeous story about you and your relationship with yourself and your sister. You are truly a woman of change and living in an era like you did, that frowned upon that type of thing, you are a breath of fresh air. I love this story and how you expose that if we stay out of life or stay out of relationships then you can’t expect anything to change but when you get in there you can virtually change the world as you have done. This story has been a blessing for me and I am sure many others, thank you.
It’s so true Ray, ‘but when you get in there you can virtually change the world’, one loving step at a time.
So true, Lisa, life feels so much simpler as I embrace ‘one loving step at a time’ – in the past I was so uncomfortable with the way I lived life that I wanted everything to change as if by magic. Now I am understanding that I need to take life one step at a time and as I heal then the magic of God offers me opportunities to change and unfold. It feels like a butterfly that starts off as an egg but needs to work through each stage before expanding fully and blessing the world with it’s great beauty that fills us with wonderment.
This is such a truly beautiful response you share here Susan. Your words truly inspire me to fully appreciate me, in my own loving unfolding and hold it as the treasure that it absolutely is. Thank-you.
Your beautiful response Julie has prompted me to appreciate all that we can offer the world when we treasure our own delicate unfolding.
When we are open to the opportunity to change the way we relate to the world anything becomes a possibility. As I explore all of my relationships I am finding that they can all offer me something different and yet at the same time they are also opening me up to be more love in the world. This we can do to honour those that have passed over knowing that our relationship has not been in vain but part of a process that is offering the world inspiration.
How you describe the way your relationship with your sister used to be sounds quite similar to me. It hurts to know that I am not able to re-build my relationship with my sister as she has passed on already. What you shared about the way you related to your sister being indicative of how you related with the world in general feels like the place I could look at in understanding what was going on for us. Thank you for the inspiration, Susan.
“I interrupted their conversation and used manipulation to turn it around to a subject that was solely shared by me and my cousin, in order to exclude my sister”. I had moments like these when I was growing up – suddenly realising what I am doing and that I saw the enemy and it was ME.
The great, great thing about these moments is that I then have a choice never to behave like this again and many times I have made that choice.
Your honesty is disarming Christopher – and inspiring all others to likewise be truly honest. It feels unfathomable as I realise that honesty is at the core of me truly being able to connect to that longed for part of myself that can feel elusive when I live a life that is only filled with illusion. Honesty has been the key that has opened the door to my heart and to self-love as I begin the process of accepting me just as I am.
Susan your article has opened up a new perspective for me and that is to see my sister as a woman first rather than my sister. And you know what I have just realised and that is that I also see her as my’younger’ sister, which further identifies her in a sort of closed way.
Awesome sharing. I have three sisters and our relationship has been of distance as well, only with one of my sisters I had always a close relationship, but still with a distance in there of not really connecting to each other. My relationship with my parents had been of the same poor quality with avoiding each other and just getting along when we met once a year.
Since a couple of years we reclaimed our relationships in the family to be only based on love and to let all the hurts and expectations out and it has been a very joyful journey and there is still a long way to go. What I love so much about it is the fact of reconnecting with the people I constellated with as my family and to understand the full potential of our being together and the power that lies within us. It is so crazy how we disempower ourselves by distancing from the people we have the possibility to unfold our greatest potential with.
It’s beautiful to feel the deepening of our relationships, although I can also find I can learn from the moments when I resist the opportunity to deepen these moments and go back into old patterns. As I become more aware no opportunity is lost, as I can always choose to look at these patterns and choose to change.
I have two sisters and I am really building on our relationship as well, where we ‘take out’ the sister role and the emotional and family things that are between us, so we can have a relationship as women. Sometimes that I am the youngest or I am the oldest kicks in, or the need to feel responsible, and it’s beautiful to express this. My relationship with my sisters is deepening every day and I am letting go of the role of being the youngest sister.
What a joyous feeling when we reconnect with family and humanity Susan. I let time and distance dissolve the ties with my relatives on the other side of the world but since “doing the work” with Universal Medicine we have reconnected and I so look forward to seeing them on my next trip. When we choose to leave old wounds and hurts behind we build enduring and truthful relationships.
Wonderful story, feels lovely to hear about how after all these years seeing eye to eye and being love with one another has done wonders.
Yes Luke, it is lovely to feel the power of love and how my perception of love and loving has changed from when I was young. I felt that love was something that you automatically felt within a family and that was how it was. However, looking back I can see that many more things were going on within the dynamics of my family. Along with the love there was jealousy, comparison and manipulation as well as many other things. Now as I learn to love all over again in a deeper and more meaningful way I can begin to let go of all the things that came between me and the love I now feel for my sister.
Yes Susan, jealousy and comparison are the breakers and distance makers in probably every relationship on the planet in one way or another. A totally alien concept and way of being for a body that naturally holds all equally in love when left to be its natural impulsing essence.
Yes Julie – as you say it’s a “totally alien concept and way of being for a body that naturally holds all equally in love when left to be its natural impulsing essence”. Once I felt the full beauty of my essence in harmony with others I was then more open to feel how I had allowed in the the imposition and hardness that became a separation from both myself and my family and friends. This is an ongoing process for me as I open myself up to the world and connect more deeply.
Thank you Zofia for your warm response to the blog. It feels so true that when we limit someone by assigning them a particular place in our life, that we limit not only them but the whole of our relationship, and in so doing we do not allow for growth and expansion. And from the inspiration that I received from your comment I will now look to build a deeper connection embracing more fully the ‘beauty, fragility’, and also her greatness. I spent some time with my sister yesterday and was appreciating our love and warmth for one another, but allowed that to cap our day, in that I did not look to go deeper. I am a forever student of life.
Thank-you Susan, in your response here, I could feel the depths that we can go to with our love for another when we just let ourselves be with them. When we allow this true connection, titles and roles don’t exist, just absolute love and presence. There’s no listening to a thought in your head that may come in and limit where the connection can go. You just allow yourself to drop into the quality of love there and that quality speaks for itself and holds you there within that love with them. It’s’ like we are talking to God himself through them with no words.
That feels like a divine connection when we realise that we can allow ourselves to ‘drop into the quality of love there and that quality speaks for itself and holds you there within that love with them. It’s’ like we are talking to God himself through them with no words’ – it’s awesome when we allow ourselves to surrender our lives, to God and experience these moments until one day this will become our every moment experience. With these miracles of life all around us we can reflect to the world a way of life that becomes the new ‘normal’ way of life for everyone.
Susan this is absolutely so beautiful to read, and wonderful to feel the re-establishing between two sisters – who are two women. It made me pause and reflect on my own siblings /family and seeing them as people, as opposed their ‘title’ of say brother, sister, mother, father, connected to by blood. It’s made me realise other than blood, what else is there or even missing, such as genuine friendship, or love. And that when we have roles or titles so often do we like to automatically assign people into them…and keep them there, not open to seeing anything else more about them, their beauty, fragility, their greatness – as people, not titles. This blog completely changes how we view siblings/families, and that when we start to see, as you have with your sister through understanding and expressing with honesty, we start to be real and enjoy real family connection. Joy.
Yes Kristy, I can feel sad that I have missed out on so many years of sharing a true relationship with my sister and allowing ‘fate’ to dictate how I lived life. It is so much more empowering when we realise that we are not victims but masters of our own lives, and to let out all that love that we have held inside for so long and celebrate how amazing life can be now that we are not wasting our potential to live life fully.
Susan this is such a lovely piece of writing and your photo at the bottom of the page is stunning. You seem like you have done an amazing job reconnecting back with your sister and your sister in reconnecting back with you also. The love and bond that you are now developing at the ‘other end’ of your life so to speak is an absolute testament to the fact that it is never ever to late to build bridges and reconnect with old friends, loved ones, family! A truly inspiring and amazing read. Thank you so much for sharing.
A very inspiring story that further confirms the need for honesty and truth in our relationships with absolutely everybody we come into contact with, and of course the fact that it’s never too late.
Such a very beautiful and touching story Susan, and what a wonderful example of the fact, that nothing is fixed, everything can be changed, we simply have to make a choice to change it. The beauty that shines from you both in the photos, shows the love that you have re-connected to and the joy that has flowed from that. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.
I find that this is the true beauty of these blogs – they offer us all so much in the way of support and inspiration. It confirms our initial inspiration and then allows others to be inspired. Reading the comments often inspires me to go deeper and to allow a greater depth of love and understanding in all relationships. It also gives me so many opportunities to express my heartfelt feelings, which up until recently I kept hidden away from the world.
Yes Ingrid your words ring true to me. There is nothing to fix in any relationship. I have a very close relationship with my sister and the more I deepen my love for her and respond without hurt or judgement the relationship deepens and there is no investment – just growing as two human beings.
Susan what a great blog. I was touched by your words and I could feel a similarity with the relationship with my sister. It is very inspiring to read what is possible if someone really wants to understand. So thank you so much for sharing everything so openly!!!!
Thank you Ester for your comment. I am reminded by your lovely comment of what is possible if I really want to understand. I find I go in and out of this willingness and this is where expression supports us all as it offers the insight into how I can change when I am willing. So often I focus on what I am losing instead of investing on what I am gaining.
What a beautiful and inspiring blog Susan. I particularly love the photos of you and your sister and you can feel that love in them. It is an amazing blog because it shows how deep down, besides all of the hurts we have, that we all deeply want to connect with each other and in this case you have taken the lead and provided the opportunity to do just that.
From the first moment that I revealed my feelings of jealousy to Sara Williams in a session, the whole experience has been totally amazing. It has been such a healing process and now it feels like, with the support of all the beautiful comments I have the opportunity to evolve and deepen both the relationship with my sister and everyone that I meet. It is so bizarre that we hold on to these hurts in the hope that they will go away, when deep down there is a knowing that we are far more. As you say Alison, all we want to do is connect and yet so often we appear to be determined to hold on to hurts that only separate.
Yes Susan, a very beautiful sharing. Isn’t it strange how we do place our relationships with the people in our lives into categories, and then rate or measure what or how much love we will be with them. When it is all said and done, the pure fact is, we are all equally loving, true and amazing, it’s only our own stuff that comes between that innate fact and stops what would just naturally be.
So beautiful to read Susan. It made me feel deeply that how our relationships never are just situations that we cannot change. That feels so freeing and I recognise how being humble and open to see what is my own part when a relationship is not how I would like it to be, is the place to start. Thank you for sharing.
An amazing comment Lieke as I can really feel the depth of understanding and sensitivity that is truly you. It is wonderfully freeing when we realise that at any moment we can choose to change and find a deeper path within. Our relationships can then be free from all the impositions of the past and we can move on anew.
It’s so true Lieke. The more humble and open we are the more honest we can be to let go of what is simply not true or loving in our relationships with both ourselves and others.
Yes Suse – I love what you say about being humble. Humility is such a warming and opening way to begin to approach what we perceive as problems outside of ourself. It allows us to begin to unfold and let go of all that we have been holding on to in our arrogance and ignorance. We find the grace to begin anew and live life without compromise.
Deeply beautiful blog which brought tears to my eyes as I read your words – “two sisters who had not made the time to deeply connect and express their deep love for one another. It felt like I touched that place where our souls met.” What I loved about this story is how you recognised that you had seen your sister as only a “sister”, and not that she was another woman making her way through life. And how liberating it felt to break out of this ideal that had held you both in separation for so long. What a beautiful honoring of the woman she truly is and you truly are and in doing so allowing love and appreciation to bloom and be shared. Truly inspiring story Susan – thank you.
What I discovered is that I wanted my sisters to be a certain way, I had a concept about what family was. I mostly kept my distance to them, but now I can accept them, love them and not want or need anything. I see them as human beings first.
There is no form to how our contact should be.
Thank you Susan, your article really resonates with me. I am 5 years older than my sister and we were not close while we were children but we are developing a much more loving and supporting relationship as we are older and your comment “before being sisters we were both women” feels very true.
Dear Susan, thank you for this honest sharing. I have to admit that the relationship to my seven and a half years younger sister was felt by me as a duty. I felt that I needed to take care of her from the very beginning. And this reflected itself in our relationship. At this point reading your words, I feel it is time to look closer why I do not have this intimate relationship with her. And as you demonstrated, it is never too late.. Thank you.
This is what is so beautiful – it is truly never too late to change. We can continue to use excuses to delay the possibilities that are offered us and this is all part of the madness. Why would we not choose to change and why do we feel that change is so difficult. I feel that for too long I put my life on hold delaying what I knew was inevitable and it feels so joyful now that I realise that nothing is impossible.
What you say is so true Melinda – blame is fundamentally disempowering as it immediately separates us from the other person when truly we are all equal and united in our very essence, and when we re-connect to our essence we let go of the need for blame.
It’s amazing how blame can percolate and lead to feeling disempowered in life. When we awaken to our part in life’s dramas, even if at first it’s quite uncomfortable, it’s really quite beautiful because with responsibility comes the power to make change. Truly inspiring to read about the changes you made with your dear sister and the love you now share. I find for me with hurt a defence comes up and with that blame, your blog has given me great support to again look at my relationship dynamics and my part in these, and how I might let go and allow more love and acceptance.
Thank you Susan for sharing.
My Mum is dying and my brother and I have had a ‘distant relationship’,
I/we have a lot there to become aware of and heal.
You have helped by providing motivation to do this rather than leave
it until following Mums passing and making a couple of calls
(duty) with the resentment there.
I will now be looking at what we can heal by connecting with each other.
This is a beautiful blog, Sue, and inspires me to continue to bring the whole of myself to my relationship with my eldest sister. She is 82 and I am 73, and for many, many years we followed the same spiritual path together, and I thought we were very close. Now, looking back, I realise that this was not so, it was our interests that kept us together in what appeared like harmony, with much of the stuff going on between us unacknowledged. When I started to move away from the spiritual beliefs we shared, she was obviously very hurt and reacted by being very defensive and unwilling to be interested in or hear about my development in the direction I had chosen. We became rather estranged, but then, as in your case, when she fell very ill last year and I witnessed her fragility, (and she had let a lot of her testiness go) I found the true love in my heart for her when we came together. But there is still much to be shared in honesty, and it has to unfold slowly and sensitively as and when feels appropriate.
Thank you Joan for your inspiring and beautiful comment. I find it so beautiful that I am now on a path where I am continually learning from the reflections of others. When I was closed off from everyone I was not only holding back on myself but also on them. As I unfold into the amazing woman that I am it allows others to fully see me and accept me – or not. Either way I am allowing them the opportunity. It is awesome that you have found the ‘ true love in my heart for her’ – we are truly blessed as elders to be engaging in such life changing experiences and that we can celebrate ourselves in this way!
Susan, I have found reading your blog deeply healing as it has led me to consider how I can bring more of a commitment to my relationships with my siblings. It is so easy to go into blaming another for not having the closeness that we all so desire. However, it is really up to us to take responsibility for the part we play.
Yes Donna, taking responsibilities for all our choices, decisions and actions is so empowering as we then have the opportunity to make a difference to past situations in the present from the point of view, that things can then heal and new ways can open for all.
That’s beautiful Karina – I love the notion that we can ‘make a difference to past situations in the present from the point of view, things can then heal and new ways can open for all’ as it frees us from the past and allows us to begin again. Once we feel the empowerment of making new choices and taking responsibility we have the confidence that we no longer need to be a victim and be stuck in a certain set of circumstances. The world is open for us to explore.
I agree Anne – I am realising that there are no coincidences in our lives – we always seem to be just where we need to be to learn what we need to learn. It feels so lovely once we stop pointing the finger and remember to look within for the wisdom that allows us to further unfold.
Susan, this is something I have been pondering on for a while regarding my own sister. It hurts to feel the distance that has crept in over a number of years.
It has just struck me, as Zoe says above, that a lack of appreciation (for her and further, for myself and further how many others?) has been exposed as I have been hiding behind my own hurts and holding back how I truly feel about her and not making the effort to express it. When I stop and connect to her I feel the lovely warmth and sensitivity and deep caring she is and I want to tell her how much that means to me and how it makes me feel. You have both opened the way for this. Thank you.
Thank you Jeanette for your warm response. I find it incredible that once I begin the process of sharing it is as if the whole world opens up to me and I find connections that would otherwise have been missed. I have been aware of my jealous feelings for some while and kept them to myself. I feel so much lighter in myself now that I am no longer hiding these feelings.
Susan this is a great sharing. I always feel that our family members are never in our lives without a reason and your story beautifully illustrates this. You needed to have each other’s reflection to be able to feel what you both needed to learn. When I am in disharmony with my husband or my sons I always look for the learning for me – which is not easy sometimes but the harmony that it brings is worth it in the long run! It sounds like you both are enjoying the harmony of a loving relationship.
I too have sometimes blamed the other person for any relationship woes had over the years. I was always saying, ‘he/she is difficult, unreasonable’, and asking ‘how can I connect with you when you’re always like this’. But I learned and realised the more I connect with me, I am understanding and or actually change the way I interacted, then my relationships have been able to actually change for the better.
Thank you for your honest and love-filled sharing Susan. The delicateness of your new relationship with your sister is felt. Your story is very inspiring. I hope that a lot of people read and hear this story too and, just like I am finding now, will find themselves more able to taking more responsibility in building more loving relationships. That will change the world.
It is most humbling when we realise that we can change the world in what is such a simple way. Thank you Katrin.
Susan this is a very special blog that makes me reflect the lack of appreciation I have for my family, in a way that I would not have for others…this is exposing and how Sara Williams brought to your experience, that our interactions with our family reflect or interactions with the world…it all feels very selfish and asks me to deepen my appreciation for my family and fellow brothers.
Susan that was a beautiful story to read with so much insight on offer. A great reminder that to heal relationships we need to look within, become open and give others the opportunity to feel the love and do the same.
Thank you Susan for such an inspiring story! It is interesting how we can see our family members as a role and, if distant, assume it can never change. How wonderful that you could be open and honest with yourself first, and recognise the truth about your behaviour in your relationship with your sister. In taking responsibility and then being more self loving you have been able to connect to her more deeply. – A timely reminder of how I can deepen my own connection with my sister.
Thank you Susan for you’re amazing writing, and choosing to share your experience with us all, so we can all benefit.
I have a distant relationship with my brother, it has mostly always felt this way. For the last twenty years I have lived in NSW Australia and my brother lives in Norfolk in the UK, so we only see each other every two years or so, but the distance between us is not only geographic.
Through reading your story you have inspired me to start to build and rebuild the closeness between us, that I know deep down is possible.
How beautiful it is that you are willing to begin to rebuild your relationship with your brother. I found that not only did my relationship with my sister change but also my relationship with myself.
Thank you for sharing your story it has touched me deeply. It seems that the honesty and responsibility that you took for your part in the relationship really managed to shift the dynamic and from that the healing and reconnecting could begin even after such long time – it is always worth having a go – beautiful and I love the photos.
It is always ‘worth having a go’ and for me that is amazing in itself when I realise how long I have held back on the relationship with my sister – and with others. I was so focussed on blaming others for the problem that this was a distraction from my own irresponsibility and hurts. It is such an amazing feeling when I have clarity on my own behaviour as it begins the process of letting go and being able to see life as it really is.
I agree Nicole and the photos speak for themselves.
I find it amazing how your relationships with other people changed as you healed the relationship with your sister. It makes sense as I write this, but the realisation that our family connections have a determining impact on all other relationships gives me a bit of a wake-up as to the importance of healing those fundamental connections we have with family including siblings….interesting stuff, thank you.
Susan I feeling very touched and inspired by your experience with your sister. I have a relationship with one of my sisters that is not as I would like it to be. Your words provided me with the opportunity to be more honest about how I feel about this and the potiential for it to be changed.
Susan your blog touched me deeply as I too have spent many years reestablishing my relationship with my sister. The games played when I was younger were always covered up with the tight family unit. When I like you chose to make my relationship with her about love rather than judgement a whole new level of communication opened up. A wonderful blog that I will continue to re read. Thank you.
It is so lovely to read the comments nb – they inspire me to deepen still further my relationship with my sister – which is forever evolving and as you say new levels of communication continue to open up.
This is true Monica, it is never too late to build on our relationships!
Beautiful blog Susan, it is never too late to build a deeper connection to family members (or others). As you discovered it requires reflection on your relationship with self and a level of honesty and commitment to make changes in order to build a deeper connection with others. It feels that you have a deeper, more loving relationship with your sister as a result.
Thank you Peter – I am prompted to wonder why I waited so long to ‘build a deeper connection’ and why I would have chosen to hang on to being distant for so long. It feels as though I was far more concerned with stubbornly hanging on, and not being willing to be the first one to make a move. It’s as if I clung to the way it was and didn’t want to let go of the role of victim. I find this interesting that I had an awareness and then chose to ignore it? I now feel there are always opportunities to change things and to enjoy life fully and that is open to us all.
How beautiful to remind us we are all women first before we have any other relationship with one another. Jealousy is so destructive to our relationships. It is very inspiring to see how being honest with yourself and committing to your relationship with your sister, things have changed so much.
Thankyou Susan for sharing your blog, to be able to rekindle your relationship with your sister is beautiful, to meet people as people and not let labels of mother, father, sister etc. get in the way , is a beautiful path to unity through equality.
It is an amazing feeling to be able to connect with my sister in a ‘whole’ new way – and I am still appreciating it. It was stuck for so long I am still surprised at the difference. As you say labels are so divisive and separative and devoid of equality.
Beautiful Susan, thank you for sharing your story about you and your sister. It shows it is never too late to start working on our relationships.
I have two beautiful sisters and I have learnt that if there is any jealousy in anyone of us our relationship can never be of Love.
I felt to re-read your blog Susan and joyed that I have. “Up until this point I have seen her as a ‘sister’: someone who came as part of the package when I joined my family, and a fixed point that could not be changed. I have never considered her outside of this role, or that she was another woman finding her way through life – that before being sisters we were both women.” This be a huge realization for me. In re-reading this I became aware of how I have kept my two brothers at arms length. But as you have so lovingly expressed Susan it’s never to late. Thank you.
Susan, you have reflected many truths to me with your blog. I am working on developing a deeper relationship with family members (and others) so that we have a more genuine connection and not one just one based on duty. You have inspired me to keep going, to stay open, allow others in, acknowledge my part in how things are and to be patient as things will unravel in their own time. Thank you!
Thank you Susan for your beautiful sharing. Taking responsibility to deal with our hurts and bring more self love to ourselves leads to many beautiful moments in our relationships. This blog is inspirational reading.
Thank you Shelley for your comment – I find that reading the response is also inspirational. As with all of life it is an ongoing process and I am finding that as time passes there are always new opportunities to go deeper with my relationships and to explore more aspects of how I relate to others and how that can be interpreted by them. One day I will find a deeper level of truth that surpasses what I felt before – and that is amazing. Life is truly awesome when I go beyond what I now accept as my norm.
Thank you Sue this is so beautiful I love how you have shared it is never to late to reconnect and deepen any relationship-. “two sisters who had not made the time to deeply connect and express their deep love for one another. It felt like I touched that place where our souls met.”- Golden!
I love this blog Susan, the feeling is like silk to my senses. And I love how there is endless potential to bring healing to our relationships, through our own commitment to deepening our relationship with ourselves within. As I am learning to treat myself with more love and understanding, I am naturally more loving and understanding with others. The quality of my relationships has improved immensely as well as how I relate to the world in general.
As I grow older I realize that though the body is aging, I’m not. The issues don’t go away until we deal with them. There is a timely appreciation of the preciousness in the connection I share with myself and my sister. Thank for sharing that the relationship changes and claiming the moment.
It is very confirming to read this Susan. I loved feeling how your relationship has blossomed and it is a true example of the fact that underneath any relationship there is a beautiful connection that can be shared.
I have three sisters and have only just started to deeply cherish and appreciate them for who they are and what an absolute blessing it is to have them in my life. For a long time I have just taken them for granted but have come to realise that there is nothing ‘for granted’ in life, everything has a purpose. Thank you for sharing your relationship with your sister Susan. What stood out for me is your realisation that how you had been with your sister was actually a pattern you seemed to have towards people in general and that it was simply most strongly reflected to you with your sister. I love this, as we can learn so much from it if we only allow ourselves to simply see it for what is is and take it as something we still need to learn. Beautiful.
Thank you Esther for your beautiful comment – it is lovely to feel the warmth when you express your feelings for your two sisters.. Before I began the process I could not conceive that it was possible to change. It is amazing how with a little self love and honesty we can begin to change so much in our lives. It is even more amazing when I realise that this is just the starting point.
Susan, I am smiling, because I was going to say exactly the same as Marika-it’s never too late! I am so glad for you and your sister that you were able to re-imprint your relationship! I find it is happening in our lives when we start connecting to ourselves and being intimate with ourselves which makes it easier to be intimate with others. I am with you that it wouldn’t be possible without Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, their love is an awesome reflection to us all.
What a beautiful reminder this story is for me about my relationship with my sister and how this relationship is forever deepening. I have found that my relationships are able to deepen more and more as I allow myself to deepen my relationship with Me. What you have shared here, Susan, is for each and every one of us, equally, as we are all in a relationship, a relationship with ourselves, and it is for us to feel the quality of this relationship, because this quality is what we offer to all others. I thank you for the timely reminder.
What a gorgeous story Susan…it’s never too late to develop true relationships with family or anyone really. But what your story so beautifully illustrates is how your relationship with others changes as a result of your relationship and honesty with yourself…simply beautiful & sounds like just the beginning of a precious connection that will just continue to deepen.
Thank you Susan for beautifully sharing the blossoming relationship that you have with your sister. I love seing the photos of the two of you together, especially the older photo where your sister is looking at you adoringly. It’s reminded me that love is always there in all of our relationships, whether we choose to see it or not. Seing families that are close has always raised jealsousy and comparion for me. Now I am seing that all that is is an opportunity to develop and deepen all the relationships that I have.
Wowee Susan I so admire the power you have demonstrated here to reflect and observe your own behaviour. I appreciate how you saw that “how I was relating to people generally and was not specific to my relationship with my sister.” It is my experience too, that we can get to think that these issues are separate somehow, like the family unit you mention earlier in your blog. My experience is, we are all one family and each deserving of this tender loving free connection you are now developing with your sister. It seems once you find it once, this way of being flows into every relationship we have.
Many, many thanks Susan, for your love story and the gorgeous pictures.
A great reminder to me that amongst all the busyness of life and the everyday things that seem so important, what truly matters, what brings us the most joy in life, is the depth of our relationship with ourselves and others.
Your story is truly inspiring.
That was gorgeous Susan, what a beautiful healing took place, and as you say… not just with your sister, but in all your relationships! Deeply inspiring. Thank you.
Susan you should feel proud of yourself for the relationship you have developed with your sister by first starting with yourself. To be able to be truly open with people is something I am developing – my sister and I are not that good at being completely honest with each other but one time I was with her and it inspired her to share an experience she said she thought she would not get to share with anyone and I could feel how amazing that moment felt for her. I am looking forward to more of those moments.
Thank you Susan for writing this honest blog. I love the way you took responsibility and how you were willing to look at your own part in the process of the relationship with your sister. I also love the part where you describe Sara’s suggestion that it is not about your one relationship, but how you relate to the world in general. Such an eye-opener.
Your blog makes me look more closely at my relationship, including the one with my sister.
By the way, you look absolutely gorgeous at your signature photo…. Open to the world.
Thank you Marjo for your comment – and yes, it was beautiful to know that this photo truly reflected our relationship rather than so many in the past which captured only the outer image.
Thank you Susan, I find myself pondering the dynamics that pay out in my family and where I have been feeding into that dynamic.
Thank you for sharing this Susan, I too have had a very similar relationship and family situation to you. It is an inspiration to hear how you have made the changes to your relationship with your sister. Understanding myself and my sister has been a integral part in the healing process for me.
What a beautiful sharing in this blog, thank-you Susan.
It’s amazing, isn’t it, how we can look at a relationship with a family member, in a completely different way to other relationships in our lives. The thing is, every relationship is just that – a relationship – it’s up to us as to the quality we choose to bring to that relationship. If there are biases, judgements, old grievances, etc, remaining in how we feel about and thus relate to a family member, then this in my books is the grist for our own inner-work and exploration. In my own life, I have found that attending to such things has been nothing but transformational.
In this light, it is truly beautiful to read your story of attending to what you were feeling within, and being open to change.
It´s beautiful how you describe, that we shouldn´t look out and blame the others for what is not working. Instead taking responsibility and changing inside to change the outside.
Thank you Mary. A beautiful sharing and an inspiration to look more deeply at relationships of my own where my choices, beliefs and behaviours don’t allow for the closeness I would like.
What a great story Susan. I love what you said about seeing your sister as a woman first and not just your sister. The roles and labels that a family has can be very restrictive and can act as a barricade to developing a relationship. We can almost be cornered and expected to act in a certain way. Its so beautiful to see your relationship deepening and growing.
How beautiful to see you and your sister smiling here together whilst making changes to old patterns and ways of being together. It’s never too late. I rarely speak to one of my brothers because we’ve allowed it to be like that and your story has inspired me to change that, thank you.
Lovely Susan, I can feel that even though you and your sister are much older now, the way you described your moments with her now it paints a picture in my mind that you are both really like two young girls being together in a very sisterly way.
This is beautiful Susan – I also want to continue working on the relationship between me and my sister so that we can blossom together as much as possible. It’s beautiful to hear your story and it’s never too late to start truly loving someone and being totally raw and vulnerable in saying, I love you and I’m going to show you it all.
Thank you Ariel for your comment – I love the idea of being ‘raw’ and totally vulnerable – that inspires me to take my relationships to an even deeper level of understanding and love where my guard totally melts away.
A beautiful reminder of “through acceptance, along comes understanding”. Thank you for writing this.
I truly loved reading your blog, it was just such a journey of self discovery. It simply reflected to me how we so easily make how we feel about others and how they treat us, before looking at ourselves. But you made it about you first and then things changed with your sister. Really beautiful.
I am truly touched by your blog here Susan, I can relate to most of what you are sharing, and accepting that ‘things have been a certain way for a long time’. I truly feel inspired to make a difference to that as well and connect on a much deeper level, just like it was when we were so much younger. Thank you.
The thoughts we have about every relationship on how it has to be, and how we hold on to that, and how it gives a comfort. It is very inspirational how you opened up the relationship with your sister.
I loved what has been written here Susan, such a wonderful story of honesty and feeling those moments when things have been a certain way for a long time yet they sit with us and we know that they are not right. Things happen to identify them if we so choose and then the next step is loving ourselves enough to let that ‘thing’ go and claim a little bit more of the truth that we are. Who benefits? Everyone you are in relationship with.
Thank you so much for sharing. I have had a similar relationship in the past with my sister, I was ruled by jealousy, competing and comparing. We never got along and would compete for attention… Well I know I would. Fortunately this only lasted max 18years..I can say now there is not a day that goes by that I don’t appreciate my sister. I feel in my case my sister was always been so open and wanted to spend time with me. Being the bigger sister I brushed her off and pushed her away. I didn’t enjoy the feeling but I didn’t know how to open up and get rid of all this stuff in the way. Universal medicine has been a massive support in my relationships especially that relationship with my sister and also my dad. All it required was for me to let go of all these things I was holding against her and see her as the beautiful women she is. She is gorgeous and inspires me everyday. I consider her the best friend given to me in the form of my sister, being able to share the same family is a beautiful thing.
What is interesting Rebekah is when you say ‘ I didn’t enjoy the feeling but I didn’t know how to open up and get rid of all this stuff in the way’. I was so set in my ways that I became stuck in these patterns that were so rigid that I did not feel I could find a way out – or not until Universal Medicine showed me the way to unravel the knots that I had tied myself into. It amazes me how simple it is when I realise that the choices are always there – whether I am willing to see them or not.
Susan, this is such a loving and candid sharing, and so inspiring for us to heal anything that’s left unturned in our relationships. I loved what you shared about how you went deeper into your own relationship and this naturally allowed more openness and space with your sister and with everyone else. The joy and love that can be felt and seen in the photo of you and your sister now is palpable.
It is so beautiful to be able to share moments of joy with others – it not only confirms me but is an inspiration to others. I can then feel the natural expanse and unfolding in my own body and so the energy goes around, and around, and around.
The moral of this beautifully written blog is that it is never too late or we are never too old to heal ourselves and our relationships. I often hear from the older generation statements like ‘oh I am too old to change’ or ‘can’t teach an old dog new tricks”. Susan Lee blows these excuses out the window.
Yes Mary-Louise indeed it is never too late to heal our relationships, no matter what age we are.
To share your hurts, your pains, your moments of jealousy, your fights and discussions; to share everything with each other in any relationship is so healing and takes the relationship only deeper.
I have two (older) sisters and our relationships have grown enormously over the years. I have learned that a relationship is something that is constantly changing and deepening. We have all opened up so much more and the role as sister is dissapearing. We are now women and close friends and i am no longer the youngest, but we are all equal.
In reading this again, I can really see how an unstable relationship with one person can actually be an insight to how you are with everyone. I thought that having a rocky relationship with one person had nothing to do with any other relationships in my life, but at the time I had resisted connecting with a lot of people around me. It is actually a great reflection – to see how relationships should be nurtured and supported with everyone.
Hi Hannah, I love the way you have expressed your feelings in your comment, they have brought a new level of understanding to me about how one relationship that is ‘unstable’ can affect others. I haven’t before felt that relationships were ‘unstable’ or used that particular word, but that is exactly what they are – something that is not built on a foundation of love and respect for one another. The strength of words is surely very powerful.
Susan, your blog is amazing and it also shows that it is never ever too late to re-imprint our relationships and bring them back to love. Thank you.
Thank-you Leigh, for bringing you own gorgeous reflection/expression in your response. What you have expressed here is so absolutely perfect for me and exactly what I needed to hear at this point in time. It took me into feeling my relationship with another and how I am this gorgeous amazing woman now and not the little child that chose to go into protection and hold my self back around them, so I can just let myself be me with them with no need to bring the old hurt with me. The true power of love in it’s absoluteness at work. Love it.
Reading it this time around coincided with an interaction between me and my sister who was sitting across the room from me, but may as well have been sitting on the other side of the world the gap felt so huge. As we sat in silence I felt my body was tense as if I was about to get hurt, realising this I just spoke up rather than avoiding the non-exsistant hurt in that moment. The relationship between us then completely changed in being much more open (expressed with my sister’s permission). What this showed me was how I have held onto past interactions or hurts that are not present today, we are now both very different people from when we were younger, and I have the power to step over them and not let them remain between myself and another.
That is so gorgeous Leigh, and I love the idea when you say ‘ I have the power to step over them and not let them remain between myself and another.’ This analogy is so graphic and really helps me to see that there is always a choice in any situation, that being to let go of the past, and to embrace the present moment.
I love re-reading your blog. I am reminded of something a sibling said to me when we were little, something I have always remembered. In response to my comment about thinking a neighbour didn’t like me, they said,’ if you treat them as if they don’t like you they probably won’t.’ It’s still genius in my book. Assumptions and preconceptions can so get in the way of just relating to another.
Thank you for your comment – this is so true Karin, I realise how much I have depended and hung on to my preconceptions so stubbornly for fear that change may cause me to fall apart. The opposite is in fact true – the more I let go of my stubbornness and my preconceptions the more whole I become, and I now can see with so much more clarity what is truly happening.
Re-reading your blog, Susan is a great reminder about staying open with relatives. It is coming up to Christmas and is the time of year my family does a catch up. We are a large group and sometimes I don’t get to see some members for months at a time and in some cases for the whole year. Over recent time, as I have begun to connect more deeply with myself the relationship with my family members have also deepened. I have noticed where I am still holding back through old dynamics and will embrace another opportunity to re-imprint all my relationships with more love. I have felt joy at the shifts already occurring but know there is still more!
Thank you Rachel for your comment – I agree that it is a beautiful to re-imprint our relationships as we connect more deeply. This year I am finding that a great deal of the holding back has shifted to make way for a deeper sense of acceptance and love.
By developing a deeper connection to myself and letting go of old hurts and grudges it’s amazing how that allows space for relationships to grow that were once very sticky! Letting go of any expectation from another person was also a key for me and definitely worked.
Thank you Susan for sharing your tender re-connection with your sister. It shows if we are honest and open with our families a deeper friendship is always waiting there for us to share.
I agree Mary, I have found that my own relationship with my sister is changing because of this too.
Thank you Mary for your comment. It is so beautiful to have found something as simple as honesty and openness which can open so many doors that once seemed closed, or only ajar.
A lovely blog, where it is clear that within relationships we are all responsible for what we bring to them and how much we choose to be open or hold back. In all my relationships I am learning to be more open and not hold back my expression and my love and it feels great to do so. Some of the relationships that are within families are caught up in old habits and old hurts, but to have the self worth to be open in the face of these patterns does feel truthful. Thank you for sharing.
Absolutely Samantha; in ANY relationship we have with someone – our friends, husband, sister, father etc. – we are responsible for how open we are willing to be, therefore can make sure we are not measuring how much we let the other person in and how deep the connection can go between us.
I can relate to what you share Gill, especially; ‘It’s very different to how I would’ve been in reaction with them, a few years ago’! I can feel how I have changed in this too, and it feels more honoring of myself as well as the other person to stay steady with myself and offer support from this space as opposed to ‘needing’ to find a solution for them!
I loved reading your blog Susan and how you could be so honest and take responsibility for your part in the relationship with your sister. And with your reflection, this allowed your sister to do the same. And now your relationship is blossoming as shown in your lovely pictures above and can continue to deepen. I loved this line and felt deeply what you were expressing:
“two sisters who had not made the time to deeply connect and express their deep love for one another. It felt like I touched that place where our souls met”. Family relationships can be the most challenging and is where we can get stuck with some family members not speaking to each other for years and years. To undo this mess, the first step as you mentioned is to take the time to connect with each other, no matter how long this takes, and then to express what was always there underneath, the deep love for each other. Thank you for sharing your blog Susan and I can feel it will help many to take that first step and cross the bridge to reconnect.
Thank you Jacqueline for your beautiful comment – it feels as though connecting is an ongoing and deepening process. This is what I am finding in my life at present – however deep I may go there is always further depths to explore in my relationship with myself and others.
I agree Gill it is lovely when we stay steady with ourselves and observe rather than going into reaction. It feels so different inside my body – it is simply gorgeous.
What an amazing blog Susan. Thank you so much for sharing this. It feels you are not only building a closer relationship with your sister, but with all of us as readers. What a gift to share with another woman how you truly feel and build intimacy together.
I feel the key thing here Susan is to love yourself first and the rest will follow.
This is so true Rachel – by simply starting with self love we have begun an amazing and unfolding journey that is gradually building into a more beautiful and deeper relationship.
This is a beautiful and honest blog Susan and shows how taking responsibly for our part in a relationship can allow the connection to develop and deepen and as we deepen the loving connection with ourselves we are able to express this love to others. I am inspired by what you have written, thank you.
After reading this “She looked like my mother with chestnut brown hair and I looked like my father with ash blond hair.”, I remembered how many times I was put in boxes growing up by relatives and others to do with who I looked like in my family. I would be told I look llike this person or that or was the same as this sister, never just met for being me, I had to be ‘like’ someone. It is funny what we do or say just to stay feeling comfortable and familiar.
Vicky your comment has reminded me of my total confusion as a child when someone said that the baby has its father’s nose… how was he managing?
It seems to be a ritual with new babies to decide who they look like which is then continued as they grow to include behaviour and characteristics. How freeing it is now to have the ‘permission’ (mainly given by myself) to just be me.
I agree with your comment Vicky, that is an interesting observation that we put ourselves and our relatives in boxes to see who looks like and behaves like who… That we seek the comfort that this brings and somehow it validates us as people in someway. If we were taught to meet ourselves and stand tall in our own skin the need to fit in and be like others wouldn’t exist and without the need, we would feel our automatic connection to everyone.
Yes Rachel, I have always wondered why we seek to find similarities and it feels true that comfort, and also identification, may be sought by making these comparisons and judgements. And your final sentence is so lovely ‘If we were taught to meet ourselves and stand tall in our own skin the need to fit in and be like others wouldn’t exist and without the need, we would feel our automatic connection to everyone.’
Rachel what you wrote is gold: “If we were taught to meet ourselves and stand tall in our own skin the need to fit in and be like others wouldn’t exist and without the need, we would feel our automatic connection to everyone”. Love the simplicity and the truth.
That’s lovely Jacqueline, I love the idea of standing tall ‘in our own skin’ and letting go of the need to fit in – I can feel now that I have read your words that I want to be in my own skin and expand myself outwards towards all others rather than shrinking back and becoming small.
Hi Susan, this was an old pattern of mine; ‘shrinking back and becoming small’, and hiding behind my own shadow so I would not be seen and so i would not be hurt. The only person I was hurting was myself…. Today I love to connect and share with others, and it is always a good reflection of where I am at. Connecting with others offers much support which I can now give to myself.
On re-reading this I can see how much I have an equal say in my relationships. My side of the relationship is the only one I am responsible for and worrying, blaming or expecting anything about another person takes me away from my responsibility to holding the quality in my part.
This is beautiful Leigh – and when we hold the quality in our own part of any relationship we do not become distracted by judgement and comparison, as we can only feel equality in the relationship.
I have observed that many are often waiting for someone else to show love before we are willing to show love ourselves. I have defiantly seen this in myself. I also measure who I feel safe with before I show love, but it may be the ones that I feel less sure of that need it the most. If no one takes the first step then there is a lot of waiting! Susan you show through your blog the power of taking that step and what changes that brings. Imagine if we were all willing to be the ones to take the initiative our relationships would be completely different and run with a whole new dynamic.
Hi Rachel – I can so relate to that feeling of ‘waiting for someone else to show love’ and then being surprised that they could not read my mind! And, yes, I am sure there was a defiance in me. I feel I can consistently work on not waiting for others to make the first move. I even catch myself when I am walking down the street, checking someone out to see if they are going to smile at me, instead of being open and smiling from my heart.
Reading this again I felt the love unfolding in your relationship with yourself and your sister. Very beautiful. thank you Susan.
Yes, Elaine – I never cease to be amazed and grateful that the unfolding just continues. At one time in my life I would have taken the initial steps and not been aware that life continues to unfold, if I become willing.
Reading your blog again, Sue, brought back the memory of a recent event, when I met my older sister at a wedding. We hadn’t been together for some time. I saw her before she saw me, and a huge well of embracing love, arose from inside me and surrounded us both, and I felt all my old behaviours drop away at the same time, my arrogance towards her, the competition, the irritation, and the impatience. I have never been able to get really close to her in recent years, and especially physically, but this time, on impulse I sat behind her and wrapped my arms around her and put my cheek against hers, and we spent about fifteen minutes just being with each other. It felt truly a great healing, and a few days later she texted me to say how much she appreciated the love she felt on my breath.
That is so beautiful Joan, the way that you express how all the past behaviours just fell away and that what was left was your embracing love. It will inspire me to continue with my unfolding relationship with my sister. Your words are a healing for all.
This is a beautifully warm and inspiring read as for years I keep saying I would like a relationship with my sister, but have put off making the first step so I am part of why that is not happening. As well as missing out on the relationships with my nephew and niece. Reading this demonstrates it is possible to build the bridges and is never too late. Thank you, Susan.
“I realised that I was part of the reason that I did not have a wonderful, warm and close relationship with my sister.”
What an amazing moment, to be able to see clearly what is going on, how the games we play hold us back from what we are actually wanting most.
‘It is as if we are seeing relationships and events through a filter and one that distorts the truth’ – very well said Doug.
I agree Ariana, a great comment to a beautiful article.
Hi Susan, thank you for sharing your story, it helps me to explore my relationship with my sister and what possible obstacles I have put in the way of making time to visit her and being truly open with her.
I love your honesty about the way you have put obstacles in the way of making time. I too have an awareness that I can always ‘make time’ for what I want to do but can be very clever at putting off what I do not choose to address. I am very grateful that I was given the opportunity to see my behaviour, and I do not feel this would have happened if I hadn’t felt so supported in my life.
We would do well to place more emphasis on bringing real love to our relationships, as a way to look after our health and wellbeing. Your experience Susan has brought home that love in relationships is needed as much as eating well and getting enough sleep.
Hi Susan, I think its awesome how honest you have been able to be about your own part in the lack of closeness and in taking the responsibility for that change your behaviour and your relationship. It is a message for us all within all the relationships we have.
Thank you for this open and honest sharing Sue , I for one have learned something from it regarding my relationship with my sister.
I sense love and joy in your delightful photographs with your sister.
I agree with you Wendy. The photographs are delightful and they are such a pleasure to look at!
Susan the grace with which you write this blog is so beautiful and inspiring. ‘ I am now able to take responsibility for my part and allow others their dignity.’ How honouring and freeing of yourself and others.
The photos in your blog illustrate beautifully what you have expressed in words Sue. The close and loving relationship you have been developing with your sister is evident in these photos. Thank you for sharing them with us here.
Yes Fiona, those light bulb moments can be an ouch, but for me that is just a passing moment and nothing compared to what can follow when we choose to change and become honest with ourselves. Honesty with oneself is an amazing and a natural feeling that we are born with, and then so often choose to leave behind as we learn the ways of the world. As the honesty builds there is a lot less ‘ouching’!
Coming back to this blog it was a lovely surprise to see the photo had been changed and now showed yourself and your sister. The photos within the blog are very expressive too. Thank you for adding these Susan.
Dear Sue,
I have never truly stopped and appreciated the picture that accompanies this blog, this made me stop this morning and just appreciate and feel the love emanating from it , this itself is a blessing to feel and see, thank you.
Dear Gyl,
Thank you for confirming the love that you feel in the picture – it is amazing what can happen when I am willing to let go of the past and begin to live in the present.
You show us it is never too late, Sue, there is always opportunity to change within ourselves and bring about change in our relationships by admitting the truth.
I am forever appreciative that I was given this opportunity to change something that felt so ‘fixed’ and it is good for me to remember that anything can change if I have the willingness – something I need to remind myself.
To have the photographs accompany this blog is perfect. The love and warmth in the first photo is so evident between you and your sister. Re-reading this Susan and seeing the pictures has opened me up to the fact that any relationship can change as we change and bring more love into our lives. This is very, very inspiring. Thank you once again.
I agree it is so lovely to have the photos of the two of you to illustrate this blog and demonstrate the depth of the love that you share. I have been so inspired by re-reading this and all the comments to let go of the barriers that I put up to avoid deepening my relationship with my siblings and others.
It feels lovely to be able to share this relationship with others and to have the opportunity to connect with everyone. As I read the comments this also supports me to work on my relationships with everyone and I now feel that however beautiful a particular relationship may be in the moment it can expand and deepen further as I allow myself to become more open and willing.
Thank you Shevon for your comment – it was a beautiful moment to share with my sister – and my son, as he took the photographs – but not the one of me as a child! These confirmations assist in building this relationship with my sister as I feel we all need support and love to maintain the changes. These changes are ever evolving and deepening – or with out commitment I have realised they can become locked in the past. It feels beautiful to be able to allow myself to realise that everything about my life is evolving all of the time and that as this happens the experiences are deepening.
Wow what an inspiring blog Susan – I too have a sister and this is a great reminder of how we both hold an equal responsibility in the relationship to be love no matter what, and how comparison can be such an immediate poison and deterrent to that love.
I agree, Amina. This blog and the comments are a great support for everyone and it feels like there is a lot of ‘rekindling’ going on out there as a result. I for one, am starting to re-engage with my brother from a different place in myself, after many years of just letting things be as they are.
Susan.
Gorgeous blog about you and your sister. Even though you had a distant relationship in the past, you both thought of each other daily. Catching up now is a wondrous feeling, and you both have so much to talk about.
Thank you Susan. It is great that you have brought attention to relationships with siblings – in this case with your sister. When delving into my past – I would often always look to my parents, schooling and friends to see where behaviours began or hurts set in. But only a few years ago did I look at what played out between my sister and I growing up. Although I have looked at it in the past, it had been quite superficial and was looking at it as if we were both victims of our parents. This time with a renewed understanding of the responsibility I played in my relationship with my parents, I was able to see the part I had played in my relationship with my sister growing up and I really felt into what was going on between us. It was amazing what I uncovered and was able to let go of as a result. I feel much more freedom within myself now knowing that I was not responsible for my little sister’s choices. And I feel a weight lifted from our relationship in that we can grow together and move forward without this ideal trapping us. Thanks again Susan. Beautiful to hear of your experience and inspiring to keep deepening our relationships.
Thank you for your comment Simon. I am reminded of how I too would look at my parents for answers to what had gone wrong – and I feel there was an element of blame. Also while I was pre-occupied with looking at my parents I didn’t have to look at my part in the dynamics of my relationship with my sister and others in my life.
Yes Monica, by just taking the initial step so much has now changed in my relationship with my sister – and I am finding that so many more opportunities are now opening up for me to develop a new and more honest way of expressing myself.
I have enjoyed coming back to this article again. Your relationship with your sister has reminded me of my sister and you have inspired me to re-build our relationship to the tenderness it once was. Thank you Susan.
“I saw that my manipulation was fuelled by jealousy’ the honesty in this statement is deeply inspiring. Thank you Sue.
I loved reading this blog and relating it to my recent relationship with my own sister. For so long we’ve treated each others like ships passing in the night (barely acknowledging each other, if at all) – as of lately, thanks to inspiration from a Universal Medicine practitioner, the same as with you – we have actually started talking to one another and making space in our own days for each other, rather than just being a family member we ended up with. It feels way more welcoming when I get home from work, and I actually find I really want to talk to and be with her, despite what history we have.
This is lovely Cheryl, I too have had a distant relationship with my sister and feel inspired by Susan’s blog and your comment to re-connect with my sister, It feels lovely that you have been ‘making space in our own days for each other’.
…and to add to this, I have found that the more open I am to just being myself around my sister, the more likely I am to be open with more people than just her…
I am also finding that I can relate with friends in the same way, Cheryl – I take their friendship for granted and do not always treat them with the tenderness and respect that they deserve. When I take the time to appreciate all the history that we have together I realise that it is a great honour to have the opportunity to build a new much more intimate friendship that inspires and unfolds as it continues.
How incredible are these stories – I love that families are truly re-connecting and taking the time to see beyond the facades and also realising that we need to be/bring the love/changes that we want to see in the world.
Yes, as you say Sarah, it is incredible how we can change the dynamics within a family or any relationship when we earnestly take our responsibility for any part we may have played that has caused a rift. It is empowering and allows us to leave the past behind and begin to build more loving relationships with the rest of the world. The facades are only an indulgence that keep us stuck in the past and embedded in a cycle of being a victim of circumstances and an illusion to keep us separated when our true path is to be unified and at one with everyone.
It is interesting to reread your writing. It seems that there are distinct cultural and historic cycles that play out, with regards to how we view our family, and then obviously how this plays out. As you say “The family felt like a closed unit with no room for change or expansion: everything was to be kept inside the family and guarded from outsiders and intrusion.” this seems quite indicative of times passed, and particular cultural persuasions. Nowadays there seems to be less and less of a notion of family, with barriers seeming to come down via global networks, greater transportation systems, etc. however in truth, it seems like one big cover up for the fact that actually we have become more insular, more isolated, and more focussed on the outside than what we feel inside. Our inability to share this with anyone, particularly our family, who we believe we should be able to, is very exposing indeed.
It is lovely Gill, when we realise our own power as we take responsibility for changing a relationship and finding a way to open ourselves up to the possibility of deepening our connections. I feel I have, for too long, held on to the belief that if I change things I may make them worse, and this has allowed me to settle for second best. My experience with my sister has opened up a new world of possibilities ahead of me – an ever evolving and ever changing world that expands and expands.
Thank you Ariana for your warm words – as well as feeling beautiful to express these feelings that I have held inside for so long it is also such a joy-full experience to connect with others and to break down the barriers of separation that I have built in my life for so very long. As you say jealousy and hardness have been held in so many of my relationships – once I realised what the feeling was I found it permeated every little part of my life – even in passing relationships. It is wonderful when we can change what feels so impossible and to realise our part which is just the beginning of another unfoldment.
Thank you Susan. Your line “Up until this point I have seen her as a ‘sister’: someone who came as part of the package when I joined my family, and a fixed point that could not be changed”,is very significant I think.
Friendships with contemporaries outside of the family circle often seem easier than friendships within the family, which seem to carry certain baggage. It’s great that you have finally reconciled your differences.
Yes, Jonathan I agree with you, “Friendships with contemporaries outside of the family circle often seem easier than friendships within the family, which seem to carry certain baggage.” It is interesting that this is often the case and so much tension is carried amongst family members.. I have felt this within my own family. It is inspiring that Susan has reconciled her differences and shown that this is possible through taking responsibility in her part of the difficulty that her relationship with her sister began to heal. I know that with a deeper commitment from me I can do the same with my own family members.
Your last sentence Susan is awesome – ‘I now am able to take responsibility for my part and allow others their dignity.’ This is massive and what a true relationship is based on. Not imposing anything onto the relationship just allowing it to be what it is. This I am learning to bring to all of my relationships and when I do it is absolutely beautiful.
I agree Natalie, I also love Susan’s last line: “I now am able to take responsibility for my part and allow others their dignity”. So much potential for change and improving relations between family members with this attitude and awareness – Thank you Susan for sharing so honestly and openly, your blog is truly inspiring!
I really enjoyed your blog, Susan and it’s given me plenty “food for thought” about the relationships in my life and my part in them for them not being as close as I would like. Thank you for writing.
This blog and ensuing comments just demonstrate how truly healing a little self honesty can be for ourselves and those around us.
Susan, I love the way you described making your sister the cushion with so much love, and how this began to change your relationship. This was a true gift.
It feels so healing when we allow ourselves to take a fresh look at some of these long established relationships. In the past I felt stuck and wasn’t sure whether there was anything that I could change. Now I am realising that I can always change the way that I look and see situations, and that I am only stuck if that is what I am choosing. As you say Shirley-Ann it ‘brings the choice to see things in truth and to change’.
You are Gorgeous Susan and this article is gorgeous. Thank you for sharing it. It just shows that we are always learning and deepening and wanting more love in our relationships naturally so 1. because you asked the questions, took responsibility and worked on some changes and 2. how your lovely sister melted at the warmth you then shared with her. I loved how you said that you now look forward to seeing her next time you meet. Enjoy this amazing deepening and unfolding of your relationship with your sister- it is truly inspiring.
Beautiful sharing and a joy to read and reflect on all you say for myself thank you Susan. I too am finding that by building a truer relationship with myself first i am inspired in all relationships with others and my family especially.
Hi Susan, having read your article again it has got me pondering on the relationships I have. As my family do not live close by, even though we get along with each other, I tend to have an “out of sight, out of mind” attitude and we can go for months without seeing each other or talking on the phone. I suppose what I am saying is that there has to be a desire to make that connection and build the relationships with each other.
I can also see now that along the way I have lost touch with friends due to the fact of not wanting to make that effort.
It’s so beautiful to read about how your relationship developed into a true one
This is so true, Sue, and what feels so magical is that we only need to take the first step and that causes a shift that has a ripple affect in all of our relationships. As we surrender to the wisdom of our body by creating moments of stillness, we support this new found way and that the old ways gradually fall away.
Ditto Amina, I love these blogs, they are so inspirational in so many ways
Thank you for your honesty Susan and the beautiful reflection of how changing your behaviour and taking responsibility for your part has deepened the relationship with your sister and also had a wider impact. This has led me to recognise how I have played the role of the big (often bossy) sister in lots of different situations including work. This immediately puts a distance between me and the other person because I am not treating them as an equal, I feel I know best and have often imposed solutions on others rather than working co-operatively to solve a problem. Hiding behind roles is a good way to keep people at a distance and I can now see that this is a habit that I really want to address and find true ways of relating to people.
It’s interesting that you played the role of being the bossy sister, Helen. I played the role of the “pleasing sister” and the I am “less important sister” to not rock the boat and to put others before me. This is a pattern I played out in all my relationships. “This immediately puts a distance between me and the other person because I am not treating them as an equal,” I felt I knew less and missed out sharing my wisdom in working cooperatively to solve a problem or just simply in communication. Whether we make ourselves more, or less in any relationship does not bring harmony and equality. I still observe this pattern being played out in my relationships today and like you, find that it keeps everyone at a distance including myself. Something I too am keen to let go of and address and change.
‘Hiding behind roles is a good way to keep people at a distance’, this is so true Helen, this is what I’m beginning to realise.
I’ve seen this happen a lot Helen with mothers…. Where the mother visits people with the child and spends the whole time being a mother, fussing over the child. So technically they have visited someone but not had any genuine interaction of being themselves. Having no kids yet I can’t talk from experience but I imagine it must be very easy to get sucked in to being a mother because for 9 months, the baby is actually part of them. It’s only when they give birth that the role starts… I know how hard it is sometimes though to talk to people from work, outside of work hours… If I’m not talking about work, what will I say??? So I totally hide behind roles as well!
Thank you Helen for highlighting how ‘hiding behind roles’ can provide a way of keeping people at a distance. I can also relate to what you say Rachel R about visiting mothers when they have spent all their time fussing over the children. This would bring up feelings of jealousy within and, at the same time, I would also be distancing them by the role I was in at the time. It feels so amazing to be able to see everything with clarity and to have the opportunity to change.
Thank you Amina for your comment – it is beautiful when we begin to let go of our guard and allow others into our lives. The wonderful part of working on this particular relationship with my sister is how it has opened up many opportunities with friends and family to re-imprint, with the true love that I feel for them, a deeper and more meaningful relationship. I feel this will also support me as I connect with the world at large.
Upon revisiting this blog and some of the comments, what really stands out for me is the gentle reminder for our own responsibility in ALL of our relationships – such a timely nudge thank you.
Susan this is awesome and thank you for sharing. I could so relate to your blog as I too have experienced and felt the distance in relationships with my own family, but you know what this is changing 🙂 I often have wondered about this and know it is not something I want to run in the family, and that ultimately it’s a choice, my choice, and I can either let it continue to play out or … choose to be another way. There are lots of things I am to feel and deal with, and if I’m super honest I still blame others for … But through making different choices each time I see my family, being aware how i am, am I open, shut down, what am I reflecting to others … I am making changes, things are changing. I know things won’t happen over night, but it’s about letting go of ideals and beliefs to what a ‘happy or perfect’ family or relationship might be. It’s been about speaking up, sharing the truth, being more open, more understanding, more loving and taking responsibility for the part I play. I can’t and don’t want to change anyone else, but I can choose to make changes myself and that feels awesome – allowing relationships to evolve and unfold in their own natural way without trying, pushing, attaching or wanting an outcome to how they might be.
Loved reading your open and honest sharing Gyl and what really stood out was your last sentence:
“I can’t and don’t want to change anyone else, but I can choose to make changes myself and that feels awesome – allowing relationships to evolve and unfold in their own natural way without trying, pushing, attaching or wanting an outcome to how they might be”. Awesome!
Thank-you Susan for this beautiful read. I have realised over the last couple of weeks that my relationships with my siblings and family were missing a true tenderness and natural intimacy, and that I went into being nice and doing the right thing and stifled that natural tendency to just be with them in my loveliness – not needing anything from them but just enjoying their’s and my own gorgeous company, from a place of natural simplicity and truly loving expression. So now to allow myself to just be me in all of my loveliness with them and no holding b,ack so that they finally get to feel their own loveliness through me.
This is lovely Julie, ‘to just be with them in my loveliness-not needing anything from them, but just enjoy theirs and mine gorgeous company,’ so simple and uncomplicated.
This is great for me to read Natalie, ‘I also let go of what I wanted her to be and started to accept her for who she is’, I have had a picture of how I wanted my sister to be and it feels inspiring to read how you accepted your sister for who she is, beautiful.
What a great blog Susan and awesome for you and your sister to start that beautiful relationship with each other, and as you said it flows into all of your other relationships. I have had a similar experience with one of my sisters as it wasn’t until I started to look at my part in the relationship and stopped blaming her for the lack of connection in our relationship. I also let go of what I wanted her to be and started to accept her for who she is and that instantly changed the dynamics between us. This was all inspired by Universal Medicine, the Esoteric Practitioners and their constant truthful support.
I agree Natalie, what a great blog. I loved the part where a beautiful cushion was made. I could feel the love and care taken to have the cushion “right” for your sister, and how “it had somehow started the process of healing our relationship that is still evolving”. I have 2 younger sisters, and although we have a good relationship, it would be lovely to be closer to them. Your blog has inspired me to look at it from the perspective of working on my relationship with myself, rather than expecting others to change. I am also learning to accept people for who they are. Thank you Susan for writing about this subject.
True Ariana. Anyone can feel like family when we let them in.
What you share is so true Natalie. The more you heal your relationship with yourself and let go of any family dynamics and issues regardless of how old and seemingly powerful they are, the more accepting and understanding you are of everyone and this naturally flows onto all your relationships with others.
I totally agree with you Suse, acceptance and understanding with yourself, is the key to unlocking relationships with others as this love that you hold yourself in, then naturally flows on to others.
Susan this is really touching, it’s really made me reconsider the part I play in all my relationships that do not quite work, yes they are my responsibility and not someone else’s fault! Thank you.
Thank you for this beautiful and inspiring blog. Your sharing has inspired me to look deeper at my relationships and the roles I play, that keep me from really connecting and growing in my understanding and acceptance of another.
What a blessing to be able to observe as an “onlooker”.
Yes Oliver, it is a beautiful blessing when we can stand back from ourselves and our behaviours and begin to see what it is that we are showing to the world. We are exposing precisely how lost we have been since we separated from the truth of who we are and what it is that we are holding within our body. If we show to the world that deep inner beauty that is within all of us we are offering the world an opportunity to change and expand their lives too – and that way everyone is blessed.
Sue thank you for your openness and willingness to share this with us all.
My desire to revisit my relationship with my brother started when I began to explore what Universal Medicine was presenting to me. I wanted to share so much, so that he could also experience the support for who he is, and start to give himself the value that I was learning to hold. However, I seemed to meet only with resistance.
More recently by developing a more loving relationship with myself and simply being me, I have started to notice a huge change in him, one that has naturally developed from where he is at. This is a real work in progress, both for him and for me. I feel inspired by your unfolding Sue, thank you.
Susan – this is so lovely to read. I have had a similar experience with my sister and I too have blamed her for our not so close relationship. It is beautiful to read how your relationship is changing and that it is possible. This is truly inspiring and I will ponder deeply on what you have written, thank you.
Thank you Rebecca, it is lovely to be able to share this story and our particular experience of our relationships. As we do this we expand our own experience and this is a beautiful way to be and to live in the world, knowing that our personal experience can then be felt by others and the whole experience becomes a movement towards greater unity for everyone. Let’s keep sharing our way of living and who knows where that will take us all!
Hi Susan, this is really beautiful and very inspiring. I love how you have opened up to your sister and in doing so have allowed for a new relationship to blossom.
What a great offering Susan and one I feel many including myself will learn from. The jealousy between siblings is a big issue in keeping families from enjoying true loving relationships.
A beautiful blog, very touching. Making me reflect back on my relationships with my sisters, and appreciating the love and support we share with each other.
It feels really beautiful Amita, that you share love and support in the relationship with your sisters. I am finding that I now need to re-visit my relationship with my sister and to begin a process of going deeper and that this is something that can continue to enrich our family life and also the relationship that we have with the friends and the rest of the world.
Hi Susan, today I was thinking about your blog and how you have shown it is never too late to have a change in a relationship. it is amazing how we are all capable of letting go of hurts and starting again from a loving perspective and looking back on times shared in a new light.
Yes Michelle it is so lovely when we feel inspired to change part of our lives that no longer serve us. I am now feeling inspired by my blog being published and find inspiration from all the beautiful comments, and realising that I now need to take a fresh look at my relationship with my sister. My relationship with my sister has stayed where I left it a few months ago and I feel it is time to deepen it, as in the meantime we both have changed. Life is forever evolving.
This is very touching and honest Susan, it was beautiful to read.
Susan it is beautiful to feel how your relationship with your sister has deepened because you were willing to look at your part in what was going on. A gorgeous example of the Joy of responsibility.
I really loved what you said here Rebecca – ‘the Joy of responsibility’ the more open and honest we are opens the way to healing what is not true and allows so much change.
“…our relationship continued on a similar footing as before, based on duty and a desire to not lose touch…” We have such ingrained thought processes and beliefs about how we should or must behave that they often override how we truly feel or how we would truly behave. When we can see what is really at play in these situations it becomes a lot easier to understand what is going on and then make true choices for ourselves. The funny thing is that when the choices are made from love they often have the outcome we wanted in the first place, but that are never achieved when going about it through ‘duty’ etc.
I have not always felt connection and support in my own relationships, and am now more aware of my responsibility in this. Dealing with my own hurts has greatly altered how I feel about my different relationships and has helped resolve a lot of the animosity and sadness I have previously felt, and I am now more open to the times when there is another opportunity to deepen these connections.
It was gorgeous to feel how you are so honest about your situation and the part you played in it. This honesty can prompt huge changes. I know that I have healed old hurts and behaviours by being honest. Tears welled up when I read of you giving of the patchwork cushion. It felt to be a very tender and special moment that you shared with your sister and I appreciated that, inspiring. Thank you for sharing.
Susan your blog has made me realise that often when I resign myself to something just being the way it is, it could be that there is more to look at. This is so true of relationships. Blaming others is the easy option. Looking at our own part in the situation does not always feel comfortable. As Julie shared above, your blog opens up much to be considered.
I agree Julie and Debra, there is lots to consider in what Sue has shared.
Thank you Susan for an honest and open sharing. I had and still have a distant relationship with my sister who is 5 years younger than me; so as children it was easy for our lives to be distant, but now as adults this is also the case. Lots to consider in what you have shared.
Hi Susan this is gorgeous. It’s amazing, when we open our hearts to those around us, how our relationships can change even when there has been a history of relating to another that wasn’t as open hearted. I am realising how I have held family members to account for things that happened many, many years ago. When I let go of these hurts and am really loving with them and not with my historical judgmental approach, our relationship changes to one of honesty and love.
Hi Susan, as Steve has said it’s a lovely example and sharing of how it’s always possible to build a new relationship and inspiring to read compared to so many relationships where this does not happen.
Susan. Terrific blog and I loved your openness for your sister.
Let us all try to bring down any barriers that stop us all from having true connections with our siblings.
Now in our seventies, my sister and I are ‘making up for lost time’. It seems, from meaningful conversations we now have, each of us was running incorrect thoughts about the other. We never expressed them. It is a really special bond like no other I have known.
When we are together, we seem to become one. Imagine humanity, if we could find that feeling with everyone we meet….
So lovely Wendy. How wonderful if we committed to this level of understanding with all – to feel it with one opens up the potential to feel it with all.
‘When we are together, we seem to become one. Imagine humanity, if we could find that feeling with everyone we meet….’ – That would be incredible Wendy. As individuals we have a responsibility to make connection and expression our focus with everyone we meet, so that they experience absolute harmony and have the opportunity to choose that in the future themselves, therefore offering that reflection to more and more people as time goes on.
Your comment is so beautiful Wendy, it is power indeed to feel how it is for you ‘ When we are together, we seem to become one. Imagine humanity, if we could find that feeling with everyone we meet….’ I am now slowly realising that it is possible to change all our relationships in this way by just beginning with the first one I meet today and to build on that experience. Let us all continue to expand our love.
Thank you , Susan, for exposing a tendency I have had of resigning myself to certain relationships being a particular way, and the feeling of ‘that’s just how it is’ with that person. You have really broken through this with your sister, and it has inspired me to reflect on my relationship with my brother, where so much has been left unspoken.
A great point Janet. I have too resigned myself to a certain relationship being a ‘certain way’ and so have distanced and given up on that relationship. Susan, you have inspired me to look at my part again, and approach it in a fresh light.
Thank you for sharing this Susan. Your willingness and honesty to explore deeper the things that also hold us all back from a true relationship with family and others is beautifully expressed here.
As an ‘only child’ I cannot relate this to sisters or brothers, but it does relate totally to deepening the relationship with my mother; through the support of Universal Medicine presentations by Serge Benhayon and sessions with Practitioners, to expose where I was holding back from love and choosing to put the blame on to another.
I can relate to your whole blog, with the difference only being the role of Mother-daughter, not of sisters. This line is especially poignant to me – “I have never considered her outside of this role, or that she was another woman finding her way through life – that before being sisters we were both women”.
As I have come to appreciate her, being a woman finding her way through life, just as I am and rather than the mother role, our relationship has changed beyond measure and continues to do so. This is also reflecting in my relationships with other women – in fact with people in general.
The revelation for me reading this blog is the ugliness of ‘duty’ when we apply it to any relationship, and how the ‘shoulds’ really pollute. When I pick up the telephone to ring my mum with the energy of feeling ‘I have to’ because I haven’t for such a long time, there is a fog of past practise that totally stamps out any opportunity to be fresh and free in this next moment. However, when I pick up the telephone to ring my mum because she is a beautiful, sweet woman in my life there is little in the way of us having an open, honest, ‘whatever is needed’ chat.
Thanks Matilda, for reminding me of that dreaded feeling of ‘duty’ that sucks all the naturalness and spontaneity out of relationships. This went on for years with my parents until I stopped blaming them and opened up to having a relationship with them, just like with anyone else.
Having lived my life in a ‘very dutiful way’ I can really relate to your comment, Matilda. When I live life through inspiration there is a lightness and freshness that opens up new opportunities to deepen and build more gentle and tender relationships in my life that have a depth and beauty that sustains.
What a lovely read Susan. You have shown that it is never too late to remove the barriers we build in life with others.
This is so true Steve, well said.
I enjoyed the openness and honesty with which you wrote this blog. I particularly resonated with: “Up until this point I have seen her as a ‘sister’: someone who came as part of the package when I joined my family, and a fixed point that could not be changed. I have never considered her outside of this role, or that she was another woman finding her way through life – that before being sisters we were both women.” I realised that growing up I had such expectations of my parents and younger brother in their ‘roles’ that only now I am letting go of that and seeing them for the people they truly are.
Thank you Susan. “It felt like I touched that place where our souls met” – this is such a beautiful thing to share, and I can feel that once we have really met someone in this way, the connection is there forever.
It was such a deep and beautiful moment and what made it the more exquisite was that the action was so simple and unpremeditated and came about in a way that was so uncontrived. When we live life in a way that is simple we feel our soul in all that we do – and this feels quite humbling and for me is still a work in progress.
I used to feel it was so unfair that you couldn’t divorce a sibling. I so wanted to be the ‘ex-sister’ and walk away, to be inextricably linked no more. But a sibling is a ’til death us do part’ relationship. Not necessarily front and centre of our lives, but when not totally loving, that relationship can bring an inescapable niggling sadness and incompleteness. What’s made the difference for me is the realisation and acceptance that I am responsible for the part I have played in the quality of my sibling relationship – in any relationship for that matter – and that the blame, resentment, bitterness, sadness, grief, you name it, that I wrap it in are just mere tools of the irresponsibility I have wielded over the years. I’ve noticed that now I don’t sit in judgment or have any expectations, but am true to myself and let my sibling just be, our relationship has become more respectful and equal. Inspiring blog, Susan. Thanks.
Hi Cathy I had to giggle about divorcing a sibling. I can relate to the incompleteness of my relationship with one of my siblings. We are not very close and very rarely see each other. By seeing the responsibility that I have played in this, it is making it easier for me to make the first steps to look at how our relationship could change. Siblings are for life, and rather than ignoring this fact I now feel this is a great opportunity to change something that has been going on for nearly 60 years.
If people could actually divorce their siblings (a concept that definitely brought a smile of mirth to my face Cathy) I can only but wonder of the lawyers that would be lining up to assist …. along with their fees and thus would be the only winner of this.
Dear Susan, this is beautiful. Thank you for sharing this. It is amazing that you have been able to build this relationship with your sister, a real inspiration to people of any age with any distance between them. I know I could apply this to my relationship with my sibling too. This is a great example of the possibility of what can happen in a relationship when you really focus on taking care of yourself and your feelings, and be honest about that. Love it.
I agree Phil, I know a lot of the time if I feel a distance in a relationship, or I notice that someone else and I are growing apart, it is very easy to brush it off, put it to one side or make excuses; because it takes a lot of commitment and dedication to take responsibility for your part in a relationship and commit to the love needed to bring it back. It is something I am certainly still very much working on, but this blog is great because it has brought the subject to the fore, for me to look at.
I love how you recognize here that you are women before you are sisters. It’s so true that we can almost put our siblings into a totally different category to friends or partners, just because they are in the same family! When actually – we are all one in the same.
It feels like an amazing relationship is developing, regardless of all the years you didn’t have that.
How lovely for you both
Thank you Hannah for your comment. I was always inclined to put people into boxes, as is categorising them as friends, acquaintances or family – and somehow that suited my way of ‘trying’ to live life. It allowed me to see them as separate and outside of me, whereas now it feels that we are all sharing the same humanness and are all connected, which feels so much more beautiful and embracing of everyone. We all share the same sense of tenderness and love, and it is wonderful to now be able to express these feelings to one another. As you say ‘we are all one in the same’ – and yes, it does feel lovely to fully embrace my dear sister.
Doug, I appreciate your comment and love the idea of how we see ‘events through a filter and one that distorts the truth’ – it is lovely when an analogy expands on something and gives us a deeper and fuller feeling of the true intent of our words. I feel I will continue to expand as I come gradually to a new understanding of how I am changing, and the new choices that I need to make, and within that my perceptions are changing too – life is amazing in this way in that there are new opportunities to change as we know ourselves more and more.
This is a very touching blog Susan
It is profound what you have shared, reading your article I could really feel how your willingness and openness to see your part played in the relationship, brought the opportunity for healing. It takes a lot of humbleness to go from blaming, resenting or being jealous of others to start to see how it truly is, but it is really worth it, something I am still learning. Our relationships and how we are with others can teach us so much.
I agree Vicky, what Susan has shared is an amazing and profound turn around, because I find that stepping back and being willing to see your equal part in the way that a relationship is can be hard, but what can feel even harder, although completely worth it, is actually doing something to change it – amazing, thank you for sharing.
Yes Rebecca, although what I am beginning to realise is that although in our mind changing our behaviours appears to be difficult this might just be an illusion. It feels as though we have been told it will be difficult in order to stop us changing – or that is what I am wondering?
Susan’s article show us it is never too late to change our relationships what a beautiful opportunity we have each day to learn from each other.
Yes, Vicky, I too am continually learning – and it now feels that I am learning in a way that is supporting me to change the way that I live my life. When I learnt in the past it was always about acquiring knowledge whereas now it feels as though I am learning everything that I should have learnt as a child, as in how to relate to and trust others and to be respectful. I feel I had to learn how to respect and trust myself first and then I was able to get myself out of the way and see the bigger picture.
Thank you Susan for your honesty, it was truly inspiring and your story very timely. Recently, I have been revisiting my relationship with my whole family, my mother and 2 brothers. As I have observed myself with them I have noticed how much I have dismissed them as a family and just got on with my life. I very rarely see my older brother and his children, we never got on as siblings and so it was easier to not see each other. He always managed to ‘push my buttons’, but I can see now that he is reflecting something in me that I can no longer ignore. As you have so beautifully told in your story it is never too late to change and I know the change has to come from me first.
Thank you Alison for your response – I had not realised that I too had looked on my family as a background to my life and they have been something that I have taken for granted while I ‘ just got on with my life.’ I feel that for me this was a coping mechanism to rationalise the feelings of loss of not feeling that connection of warmth and support that appeared to be the experience of others. Only as an adult did I come to realise that much of the feeling of ‘happiness’ within families was an illusion that was fed to us by the media to distract us away from what was truly happening all around us.
Beautiful Susan, thank you for sharing your journey with your sister which I find very touching. It exposes the lack of love and honesty we have allowed in our lives with relationships. I too am seeing my part in this and also making changes through my own perceptions, healing and re-imprinting so much in my life.
It is lovely to feel your evolving friendship and closeness with your sister and the joy with that.
Yes, Tricia, sometimes I observe a lack of honesty in my life and allow that to come between me and others. This seems to hold me back from developing any true sense of love within these relationships. The relationship that I have with myself is exposing and at times daunting however as I become more accepting and allowing, it becomes easier to chose honesty and this allows me to reveal more of who I truly am.
A perfect blog to read the morning that I am having lunch with my brother! We have always had a seemingly very close relationship. And we do. We love each other heaps and heaps. But under that surface there have been many things at play. A few weeks ago I committed to doing a spring clean on myself in the relationship and being really honest about what it is that is at play. A huge part of that has been coming to the relationship as if he is just another human being rather than my “blood” Brother. Let me try to explain..
Much of the baggage and history and stuff that plays out in our relationship (very subtley – because we get on super well) is all attached to, and embedded within family history and our respective journeys within the family. Now, of course we have much, much, much in common that I would never have with a non-family member. But there is something so honouring and respectful and free about loving him and being with him because I want to be, because I love him, because of who HE is and who I am, rather than all the messiness of duty, the messiness of who WE are, the messiness of the family. Does that make sense?!
I can see what a difference it makes for him as well. To be met by me without all of that coming from me, immediately enables and inspires him to drop it all from his approach as well. So that we are just two men, who love each other and who happen to have a whole shared history. But we are there as equals. We are not there because we are blood family. We are not speaking from family and we are not allowing history to infect or inform our relationship. It’s early days, but I can already see how huge the difference is – it feels like a much truer relationship.
Lovely Otto and Susan. The key things I am realising here is how I have expectations of how my family members should be and how that does make things so messy. Seeing them for the people they are really does make life more simple, and I feel how easy it is to accept them as fellow human beings who are doing the best they can and finding their way in life just like me.
That is so true, Debra – expectations are ‘messy’ and I find they always lead me astray and away from the reality of how life is. When I can accept the reality with love, the outcome is so refreshingly different.
Thanks Otto, your comment prompted me to consider my relationship with my family, because we too all get on. It took ages for me to get enough courage to stop being what I thought was a nice family member and say no to coziness with unclear boundaries. I was sure everyone was going to get offended and yet I was suprised that everyone was fine. Now on hindsight I can see how exhausting it was before.
That’s so true, Golnaz, we do put so much energy into maintaining a picture of our families that is so distorted and so far from the truth, and like any lie that we live, it takes so much energy to maintain when the simplicity of truth is just that – so simple.
Otto, you have given me a whole different way to view my relationship with my younger brother, whom I have never really felt close to and attributed it to a larger age difference and different life interests. What I feel now is that we have always related to each other through the filter of our family history or issues and basically have not been able to put the past hurts aside and connect with each other as men first. Both Susan and yourself have opened my eyes to this new approach, and I thank you both for that.
Thank you Michael, I can see how I use this filter in many different ways when I experience life in order to have what I desire for my comfort, rather than living a life that is based in reality and full of truth.
Wow this is so interesting Otto and completely makes sense, ‘there is something so honouring and respectful and free about loving him and being with him because I want to be, because I love him, because of who HE is and who I am, rather than all the messiness of duty.’ This is great for me to read as I often feel a sense of meeting up with my family and my partners family because we are family and that’s what families do, but to actually meet because we want to and because we love each other feels completely different and amazing, much to ponder on.
Otto, this is beautiful. I can completely relate to what you have shared. I too am very close to my brother and we are very open with each other but reading your words I realise how much is still based on our ‘blood’ connection and so often we bring up the challenges of growing up during our conversation, as if we can just get stuck there. This feels so confining in terms of our relationship and where it could go. I can feel how freeing it will be to drop all of that and just be me when we next meet. So much more honouring too.
Thank you Otto for your inspiring response – it was so very beautiful and uplifting to read and has allowed me to view this day in quite a different way.
I am in the process of moving house and had become so distracted, and your comment has brought me back to what is at the core of life and that is our relationship with people. Your relationship with your brother sounds so refreshing and clear of many of the encumbrances that so often come with our interactions within the family. I find it so amazing how simple and beautiful it can be when I am coming from a place of love and I feel able to reach out to another human being. Such a connection fills me with humility and wonder that life is as simple and awesome as we make it.
Thank you Otto for your contribution – it has brought another dimension to the original blog which is always so beautiful and expands the original – and I love what you say about family history.
Yes so true Elizabeth, it has given me much to ponder on too and will go a long way in supporting me to address the relationship issues I have with my family. So much can just fall away when we are truly honest and take responsibility.
Hi Susan, I’ve just enjoyed reading your beautiful blog again. Your willingness to be so open and honest is a true inspiration. What a blessing you and your sister are for each other! It’s a wonderful example of how deepening your relationship with yourself naturally opens that up to others in our lives. So beautiful and something we can all do if we choose.
Thank you Heather for your comment – it is lovely that you have decided to read the blog more than once. I know when I read blogs more than once it not only deepens the first reading but I find there are further revelations to support my understanding.
Thank you for sharing Susan. It is very inspiring to read what you have written as it demonstrates that it is never too late to make changes. I can relate very much with what you have written, as my relationship with my brother is changing and opening as I take responsibility for my part for the past tension between us. Painful at times to be honest, but so worth it and it becomes easier the more I do so.
Yes Jonathan, as you say it becomes so much easier as we learn to express from who we truly are – and then I wonder why I ever made life so hard and complicated. It also is amazing how once I take these steps and become more willing to see my part I experience a sense of more brotherhood with everyone.
Susan, thank you for sharing your beautiful story with the world. It serves as a great model to demonstrate that, if we are willing, we can make changes to our relationships at any stage of life – and the only thing needed is an openness to go there.
That is so true – and thank you Frank. – it does feel so beautiful after so many years of feeling the distance. In retrospect it was quite simple to make the changes, once I got my arrogance and pride out of the way and could see the plain and honest truth! I feel so blessed to have been able to take this opportunity and to have had the support of Universal Medicine in my life – at last I am returning to the tender, loving woman that was always there, behind the mask of deceit and lies.
Thank you Susan for another beautiful blog, this has supported my own reflecting on my family relationships.
I love your honesty and responsibility, that maybe you had a part to play in this relationship with your sister, and a great Aha! moment when you observed yourself acting through jealousy rather than love. Thank you for showing us how you have transformed this relationship, truly inspirational and a credit to yourself and your love.
I totally agree Lorraine. This blog is very touching. I particularly liked the reminder that it is about all relationships and that every relationship starts with our relationship with ourself.
Thank you Susan for your wonderful sharing. It is something I could definitely relate to and feel the truth of in my own relationships, with my own family and with people around me. It is heartening to read how you have and continue to work through this.
Thank you Nicole, it is amazing how once I begin to unfold and return to my true self, I feel as though I no longer have the option to turn away from following the path of honesty, truth and love.
Yes Nicole, I also found Susan’s story very inspiring. I know that as connection to myself continues to deepen I will see my ways of relating more honestly, this honesty will allow a space for healing to occur.,
Such a lovely blog Susan. I can relate to much of what you’ve shared. So great to be able to see the roles we play in our relationships and interactions, to look at ourselves and take responsibility. This is something Universal Medicine has really taught me and many of my relationships are now much smoother. It’s like a weight has been lifted, the weight of blaming another I guess.. Beautiful blog, thank you.
This is so true Anne-Marie, to see our part and to be able to take responsibility is a true blessing. When we are unable to be honest with ourselves we are denying ourselves the gift of healing our past and to leave the past behind where it belongs rather than dragging it around behind us like a dead weight.
I love your comment about the past, could it be that it doesn’t actually exist now, time has moved on…if so it is only there when we give energy to it, talking about it, thinking about it?
And what if every time I meet someone I let them be who they are right then and there and not lace our meeting with what happened last time, be it good or bad? Because at a physical level so many of our cells will have come and gone, we actually are a different person.
This is such a tender telling of what is often a prickly relationship. I have 5 years between my sister and I and I’ve always blamed our lack of closeness on the fact that I was off to university before she’d reached her teens. However, in truth we did spend a lot of time together growing up but somehow I never felt we have been particularly close. Your now honest, gentle and loving ways with your sister are a lovely example of how we can develop a deeper connection with one another.
Great point Rosanna, if relationships can change as we know they can and as this blog expresses, then it’s possible to deepen our connection within all our relationships.
Yes, Rosanna, it was lovely to be able to connect with tenderness to my sister. This began with building that relationship with myself first, as tenderness was something that was not even in my vocabulary, except when I would touch a baby. It has been an amazing unfoldment to realise all the beauty, that we as women, hold within our body and that this is something that we can share with those around us. Our expression becomes so much fuller when we can connect to all the wisdom that is available when we are willing to be open and honest.
Super blog Susan, it’s lovely to read how your relationship with your sister is starting to change and a great testament to what can be achieved if we are willing to look beyond our own hurts. By taking responsibility as you have, you have brought love back into your relationship and that is awesome.
It certainly is awesome Tim, and it is so lovely when we can share that with others. It is a great privilege to be able to connect with others who are sharing similar experiences and for me it has allowed expansion in not only my relationship with my sister but in all relationships. It feels a wonderful and supportive way to live life.
How healing is your willingness to look deeper, to see what is really going on Susan. I am inspired by your honesty and deep love, thank you.
Thank you for your beautiful confirming response, Bernadette.
Yes Bernadette, a willingness to look deeper is the key. Not always easy to look honestly at ones self, but the only way to truly heal and allow love into our relationships.
So gorgeous Susan … Brushing your sisters hair is such a beautiful symbol of the deeply tender, loving care and connection between you. This is something I loved to do with my sister as a small child … I was about 4 and she 16. I have recently been reminded of that sweet, loving connection I naturally felt for my sister, and your blog is a reminder that it is never too late to rekindle and develop tender loving relationship.
That’s lovely Suzanne, I can feel the tenderness in the act as you talk about brushing your sisters hair as a child. You are right when you say ‘it is never too late to rekindle and develop tender loving relationship’. Thank you for your comments.
Yes, Suzanne, it was an amazing and beautiful moment to connect with her in this way. I can also feel your love and tenderness when you speak of brushing the hair of your sister and how beautiful if you can rekindle this loving relationship with her. We often become so distant with others that it is not until we are prompted to act in a way that is intimate that we realise the loss of not having this intimacy in our lives. The simplicity of this act and the deep feelings that I felt within were something beyond price. We often go so far to lavish money on those we love when a simple action would speak louder than any words.
This has been so lovely to read Susan. I will certainly be pondering on my relationship with my brother. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Heather for your comment – I find pondering can change my perspective and allow me to find a way to heal, if I am willing to open up to all the possibilities offered.
Hi Susan, Thank you for sharing the changes in your relationship with your sister, it has given me much to think about with my sister and my relationship.
Thank you Judy for your comment – I am finding that writing this blog is just the beginning of what is unfolding within my relationship with my sister, and with others. It has been an amazing experience.
It was beautiful to read Susan and an inspiration
My sister is 16 months older than me and we went through a lot together as kids – I can see now how we developed lots of coping mechanisms that weren’t true to us. We were really, really close – I have always lived away but would visit at least once a month, without doubt and we would speak several times a week. This blog for me has brought up a level of honesty with where our relationship has grown apart and my part in this also. So thank you for the inspiration to look at this more deeply.
There are many relationships in my life that I’ve always just taken as they come, maybe they are distant, difficult or intense, and I have just accepted them as how they are, and it could be with people at work, family, partners or friends. I also had a session with Sara Williams, a few years ago now, when she presented to me how the way that I am has a big effect on these relationships and that I can choose to be different – rather than wish the relationship was different or wish and wait for the other person to be different – which can be frustrating. And… often if I change the way I am eg. not wish they were different or blame them for things not being great/the way I want them to be, then the relationship changes. Quite magical, and simple really.
Yes Laura, I agree. There is a simple equation to apply here. If you have a sticky relationship with anyone apply more love and understanding of the other and to yourself. This allows hurts and resentments to fall away and hey presto it’s easier to connect to the other and communicate in a more open way.
I have found that I often see people in my life as their roles, but that when I take the time to step back and see them as human beings going through life and making choices just like me, it gives me far more understanding of what is going on for them or between us. It is amazing you were able to do this with your sister, and it is awesome that something you thought would never change has come to such a beautiful place, thank you for sharing Susan.
Great comment Rebecca, that is a really good point, I am also starting to see family members for who they are and not just as my family who should behave in this way or that towards me… This is gold Rebecca, thank you 🙂
This is a most supportive blog as it shows how to turn the quality of any relationship around in the words, ‘I started to go deeper within myself and developed a more loving quality that I was now choosing to bring to myself.’ We really do need to have a loving relationship with ourselves before we can take that love out into the world and know how to enjoy a truly loving relationship with someone else.
It is so true what you have said Judith – when we treat ourselves with dignity and love we have a blueprint on how to treat others, as we are all innately the same. As we feel the warmth within, we radiate love out into the world and this not only blesses us, for it also offers others the opportunity to connect to that love within themselves.
A timely and beautiful read for myself as I start to look at my own relationship with my sister of whom I live with currently. I loved how you shared that your sister is not just a sibling but a woman first and foremost, finding her own way through life just as I am. Reading this blog has made me realise and appreciate the opportunity I have to just me myself with another person, Thank you.
I agree Leigh, I feel it really helps to remember people are always people first…
It is beautiful as we realise that we are intrinsically all the same and that all we need to do is to be ourselves Leigh. When we let go of all that separates us such as gender, age nationality etc. and in particular our preconceptions around family we realise that we can come together with anyone, anywhere and to feel this connection is the blessing of first knowing ourselves and then embracing all others.
Thank you for such an inspiring article Susan we all can improve our relationships. I love the line ‘It felt like I touched that place where our souls met’.
Beautiful blog Susan and it inspires me to also revisit my relation with my two brothers. Sometimes it feels indeed as being ‘a fact of life’ that brothers and / or sisters are in our lives and that it is as it is. I also can relate to what you say, that the problem is with the other and not with ourselves but when we really allow ourselves to feel why this relation is as such and are open to look at what our role is in it, we will get an understanding of why things are as they are.
And as you say, sometimes the issue is hidden quite well. As in your case, my family was also like an oyster, keeping everything inside and the same, no space for expressing our feelings. I feel that this led me to find a solution to deal with this, because I did not wanted to feel the real hurt that this way of living life does to my family and to myself.
Yes, thank you Nico for your comment, and upon reflection it feels as though I chose a family that kept it’s feelings well hidden, as I would then be able to hide within this family and not be called to responsibility. I have come to the realisation rather late in life that one cannot shirk one’s responsibilities – as the Laws of the Universe will always call us to account, and ask us to see the truth of how we manipulate life to keep us in comfort. Although the process is uncomfortable it is also unfolding, and in the unfolding it is a blessing that allows me more awareness as I allow life to evolve and show me the ways of God in all their majesty.
Thanks for writing this Susan. I was moved to tears as I could feel how I have had a similar “distant” relationship with my sister.
Thank you Natalie for your comment. It is amazing now I can connect to the feeling that I can choose to make changes in my life and begin to let go of old patterns. For so long it felt as though I didn’t know where to start or what to do but as soon as I was willing to open up to someone else and begin the process it all began to make such sense. The change in my relationship with my sister has been a great marker and from here I can continue to build more intimate and loving relationships in my life.
This is such a great example of the power of taking a step back and taking responsibility for our part in what goes on around us. It often doesn’t take much but the simplest self-acknowledgement can lead to huge changes for all. What you have shared here is very inspiring – it is never too late to change, for anyone, ever.
So true, Jenny, and as you say so simple – it feels as though I only make things complicated by going into my head trying to solve what appears unsolvable. When I allow myself to feel and go into my heart all obstacles melt away – and then I am free to express from that inner place.
…’the simplest self-acknowledgement can lead to huge changes for all’ – well said Jenny.
I totally agree Susie!
Very true Jenny, and how beautiful that is to know…. At any time, we can draw a line, and move forward with a change towards love…
Beautifully said Jenny. We all play a part in what goes on around us and to us and to not accept this as a fact is not only irresponsible but closes the door to change.
I agree Angela a beautiful and thought provoking blog about how deep we allow our relationships to go. Comparison can be so damaging and keeps us apart and separate; honesty brings us closer together.
Thank you Andrew for pointing out that it is our choice as to how deep we can go with these relationships – I know that I have been coasting in my relationship with my sister. Having made the initial opening and built on that I have allowed myself to become caught up ‘in life’ and I am now realising that developing relationships is something that can continue to deepen and to expand as we become more honest.
Comparison feeds the evil of jealousy which indeed keeps us all separated from connecting to each other. They are also emotions that todays society is riddled with and in so many ways ruled by. That honesty is a bridge that lovingly brings us closer together Andrew is so true and something we all need to realise.
Sue, it is great to hear you have been able to build more honesty into your relationship with your sister. I am sure doing so has allowed you both to appreciate more deeply the sister that you have, how great to be able to create this connection after so long.
As you say Stephen, it is truly beautiful to have the opportunity appreciate the sister that I have – she is a dear sister, and it feels so lovely to begin to share with her my tenderness and appreciation for the beautiful woman that she is. It has also shown me that we should not ever give up in life – life is always there for us to embrace fully.
Thank you Susan for your honest sharing of your experience and unfolding relationship with yourself and your sister. As we truly take responsibility for ourselves, so much is revealed as we allow ourselves to see what is there before our eyes. I love how you caught yourself whilst having the conversation with your cousin and how in that moment you took responsibility for how your relationship with your sister had been. So lovely to hear how you have rebuilt that relationship, and therefore all others, a true inspiration for all.
Good point Beverley, the way in which Susan could see her manipulation is amazing. Its a powerful moment when we can catch an age old habit and see its real impact. It takes honesty and it requires a level of self love that supports us to know that although we may be doing that, we are not that behaviour, we are more than that. Truly inspirational.
As you say Beverley, taking responsibility is a wonderful place to start when we feel that our lives are not working. I feel the word ‘responsibility’ has often had a bad press. We do not really warm to the idea of what can sound quite daunting when we have lived our lives in a way that has been without responsibility, and therefore continue to avoid it until it feels like the only option left. Once we are willing to change, we can see the subtle ways our lives become more fulfilling and that far from being something to avoid we truly appreciate the value of living a life that respects all equally and reflects a life lived in dignity.
Very tender writing which shows what rewards are there if we choose to heal and to take responsibility. Those words or that process may sound harsh, or hard and yet this blog shows us that it needn’t be that way, particularly when we remove self judgement from the process, and get the support that we need.
Yes, I agree Catherine, the anticipation of changing familiar patterns even though they are not working, has often held me back from taking the first step. The wonderful thing is that we can draw inspiration from others who have made similar choices and ask for their support. If we are open to asking for help that in itself is an opening in a relationship, and in my experience help has not been refused. Life can be as wonderful as we are willing to make it when we are open to new opportunities.
Thank you Susan. You share so openly and with a rawness that is only possible as you have been truly willing to look at this issue and heal. Now I feel, through reading your post, that I am open to healing the difficulties I am experiencing in relationship, through being willing to look at my part in them.
I feel just what you mean Shevon, reading Susan’s blog lends to my willingness to continue getting more honest about my part in my families connection gaps and to open up to a new way to be with them. Thank you Susan for being such an encouraging example that healing can happen in families.
Thank you Jo for your comment. Willingness is a wonderful place to start I – I feel it was the willingness to spend time to explore ways to connect with my sister that opened up the way for an opportunity. Possibilities are always open to us when we are willing to make different choices about our behaviour patterns.
I love the way you have used that word ‘rawness’ as it so precisely expresses how it feels when I connect to these feelings with a fresh and deep honesty that has not been reached before – and it is the rawness itself that confirms the truth of what I feel.
Thank you Susan, I too can relate to this unfolding of yourself and your relationship. I love your honesty as you realised how you had steered the conversation to exclude your sister… So much to reveal about how deep our resistance and hurts can go f if we are to develop true relationships with each other, family or not.
Yes, Bernadette, it is amazing how we hang on to these old ‘hurts’ and how we adopt a ‘convenient’ way of not seeing and understanding our part in our relationships. It feels as though somehow we set ourselves up for failure when we hang on to these old familiar patterns that are not serving, either us or those that we meet. I was clinging on to many of these old ways until I was inspired by Serge Benhayon to begin to look within; and presented with another way to live in the world, that would be self-loving and where I would find the truth for which I had been searching.
When I began to do this I felt that at last I had come home and in so doing, to re-connect to all those amazing and inspiring people that I meet in my life. Once we have let go of the hurts we find how we are all experiencing the same bewilderment of why the world doesn’t seem to work very well and given the healing that occurs we are then more able to change.
Thank you Susan, it’s a lovely article to read. When you talk about how you started to see your sister in a new light, as another women finding her way, it opens up a lot about family relationships and how we hold so many fixed ideals about them which get in the way.
Yes David, and that prompts me to ask how did this come about, that we have found ways that don’t allow us to feel, what one would have imagined was natural? It feels that we have two pieces of contradictory information – on the one hand we are fed stories about ‘Happy Families’ and on the other hand our own experiences seem to inform us that ‘our family’ does not quite work like that. This can make us feel inadequate and unwilling to share that our family doesn’t mirror the stories that we are fed, in particular when we are young and understanding how the world works.
It feels that in some way this then sets us up to be confused and not make sense of the world. I know this is how I felt and it was only that as I began to open up that I realised that, in fact most families were like my own. If we can begin to change, and I know some people are building lives with their family where they are encouraging more open and interactive exchange, we can begin to build a society that supports everyone to begin a more self nurturing path.
Thank you Susan. Your article has offered me the opportunity to reflect on my own sibling relationship with my sister. I am five years older and while we were growing up this felt like a very large gap. I can remember feeling jealous when I went away to boarding school and she was able to stay at home with our parents and all the menagerie of animals. As I left school she was just starting so our paths did not come together very often. In our 20s I had a flat in London and my sister came to share it with me for a while and I remember that always felt responsible for her as I was the ‘big’ sister. Now that we both have families of our own we enjoy a much closer, warm and sisterly relationship, the age gap is irrelevant and I realize what I missed while we were growing up.
Thank you Mary for your comment – it has caused me to ponder on why this gap is felt to be unbridgeable as a child and is it something that is contrived so that we do not feel this close bond? I wonder why it should be that as an adult we become close to people of all ages and yet this same openness is not encouraged when we are young? My personal experience was one of my mother emphasising the difference in ages and encouraging me not to have an expectation that my sister would seek my company. It has made me wonder could this way of feeling separate encourage us to see ourselves as separate from all others in the world?
I know that I have lived life in a way where I felt separated from the world and this is changing as I allow myself more openness in the way that I am now interacting with people and getting to know who I am. I am finding that I am able to reach out to friends in a much deeper and more expressive way that allows me to expand how I live live and appreciate that we are all the same underneath, and this feels it has brought about a feeling of equality with everyone.
Wow that is so cool and inspiring Mary. Your honesty like Sue’s is one to be of inspiration. I love how you said once you stopped and appreciated all that you had done then you could see it in others – so True
I loved reading about your evolving relationship with your sister and the honesty that is developing between you. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you Julie, and I am realising that developing this relationship is an ongoing process that will never stop until we pass over. I am also finding that it is not only my relationship with my sister that is changing but also the relationship that I have with others – How beautiful that something so simple as honesty can enrich our lives so fully and in so doing enrich the world around us.
Beautiful Susan, your post also reflects the relationship I have with my sister. It is amazing to realise one’s own responsibility in the relationship, rather than just blaming the other or seeing it as a misfortune of family circumstance (if there wasn’t such an age gap etc. etc.). It is so beautiful to hear that you can change a relationship through honesty and tenderness, to establish love once more in one of the most taken for granted relationships we have in life, our family.
It is so amazing to feel that we can release ourselves from situations that can feel so fixed and do so without solutions. I feel so privileged to be in a position where I have so much support from the Esoteric Practitioners and the beautiful people I meet at Universal Medicine events. The support that I receive allows me to explore my own path and this in itself is healing as it feels that there is no judgement, just an understanding. In the past I have always sought help and direction of where to go, and now I realise I was seeking outside of myself for a solution rather than being willing to look within for the change.
Thank you sharing Susan, it is very inspiring to read how by making changes yourself and seeing your part in how the relationship panned out with your sister was an equally important part instead of simply blaming her. It is so easy to blame others and not take responsibility for our part. Relationships for me are an ongoing evolution and unfolding, I have found that the more I let go of my hurts and the more honest and truthful I am with myself, the more I allow others to see the real full me, the simpler the relationships I have with others become and the less games are played, with no need to try and compete with or out-do anyone else, or deceitfully trying to please them by saying or doing something I think will get them to like me!
James – I love your beautiful response. It is so lovely when we can see that simplicity in life when we change and how all the complications were just about holding ourselves back from fully being part of life. When we begin to engage with the truth of our own inner beauty, it frees us to allow the world to see all that we are and opens a way forward to heal the hurts from the past. As you say it is ever evolving and this allows us to deepen both our relationship with ourselves and with others who are in our lives.
Thank you Susan your honesty is like a fresh breeze on a muggy day. The openness in which you have shared your relationship with your sister is inspiring for anyone who reads. Honesty is a huge step in healing and you have been able to get real and honest and nominate that what was false between you, to get down to the love you both innately are and share. “I stood and brushed her hair tenderly and lovingly and it was so beautiful to do something so simple and yet it felt like a deep connection to who we really were… It felt like I touched that place where our souls met.”
This is stunning Susan absolutely beautiful.
Hi Samantha, it feels as though when we can see these things in someone else it is reflecting back to us that we also innately have these qualities within us. It is that deep connection of one person with another that gradually builds and deepens our relationships into something far richer and with a purpose that connects us to the real meaning of life.
Your love and wisdom shines through your words, Susan. I have re-read your inspirational blog and find it offers a healing every time. Beautiful photos too, thank you for your sharing.
I agree with you Samantha with these words Susan managed to convey such depth in her relationship with her sister.
Susan, thank you for showing us that it is never too late to open up to self-responsibility and to connect with others through love. For so many people, Universal Medicine has been the catalyst for change in their lives.
Yes, Rod, Universal Medicine has certainly been the catalyst that has brought life together for me to support me to make these changes. It is so beautiful to appreciate all that we have been given by UniMed.
So true Rod it’s never too late to take self responsibility. Universal Medicine has definitely supported my life, with more openness, truth, honesty and love.
Susan yours is a beautiful story and very inspiring. When we can let go of the hurt an open and truly sharing quality washes over us and allow us to go towards another with a full heart.
Beautifully expressed Patricia – quality sharing means the level of honesty and truth that Susan has shared here. An inspirational woman!
Rod that’s such a valuable point that it’s never too late for change and what I have come to feel is that the change that gets brought in seems to lessen the significance of what existed before. All that is of importance is what is happening now.
Susan, What a beautiful blog and one with which I can totally relate and am still working on..! I loved what you expressed “In the past, keeping in contact has always felt like a matter of duty, whereas now I look forward to our next visit and I can see and feel that she is also finding a new depth and warmth in our relationship.”… I too am taking more and more responsibility for my own part in relationships and also learning that the more I am willing to be honest with and heal my own hurts and to feel what’s going on for me and why I behave in certain ways etc, the less I need to hold myself back from others and the more open I am to all relationships. Thank you for sharing.
I totally agree, Angela. You have expressed beautifully my own response to this beautiful blog. By being willing to be honest and truthful in taking responsibility for my part in relationships I am experiencing great changes leading to much deeper, truer and more meaningful interactions.
Jonathan and Angela what you say is so true. I have mostly blamed others when relationship issues have occurred and now accept that it is a two way thing and that I will be contributing to any disharmony. My old way was to put much effort into trying to control and change the other person or make them wrong, which now makes no sense at all! Susan’s blog really highlights how we can take responsibility for our part, which is very refreshing and also how it affects another when we do!
Thank you Jonathan for your comment. Being ‘honest and truthful’ is a beautiful and simple way for us to lead our lives and to connect – it is as though the connection is so much cleaner and clearer when we don’t ‘sully it with lies and manipulation’. And as you say, we offer something to the world by building a ‘truer and more meaningful interaction’ that is supportive to everyone.
A beautiful expression in your further comment. The real joy for me is watching the magic unfold as you start to make those truer connections and re-build those foundations within existing relationships. Not always the easiest of things to do, but nothing worthwhile ever really was.
Thank you Phil for your beautiful comment – it does feel like a forever unfolding process as I process and let go of old behaviours, which seem to pop up from nowhere until I realise how tangled is the web I have woven to keep people at bay. Re-building the foundations is giving me so many unexpected opportunities which are always opening new doors and offering new opportunities.
I feel you bring a very important observation Phil in the significance of re-builing true connection within existing relationships. The fact that it is not the easiest of things to do reflects the importance. Not only are you establishing a loving relationship but also re-imprinting all that has occurred in the past and by healing the hurt clears the space for so much more love.
“The real joy for me is watching the magic unfold as you start to make those truer connections and re-build those foundations within existing relationships”. Beautifully said Phil, for me it is about taking the responsibility for myself first, then taking steps to re-build relationships because it doesn’t just happen by magic, and you have to work at it, and it definitely is worthwhile!
Susan, such a beautiful blog, as you trace your own unfolding, dealing with your own hurts, and as you have developed that lovely relationship with yourself, so too has your relationship with your sister healed into something quite beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
This is so true, Catherine – it is amazing that when we are willing to feel the hurt, this begins a process of us opening up to new possibilities, and it is then that we are more able to look at the hurt and see it for what it is, rather than holding it ‘against the other person’. It is amazing how we transfer our hurt on to the other person – or that is what it feels as though we do when we begin to blame.
Yeah it can be extraordinary how blind to ourselves we can be. That is where I have found so much support from practitioners like you have shared Susan.
Beautifully put Catherine, you have summed up Susan’s inspiring blog. I resonated with so much that was said in this article and will enjoy reading it again and again as I play my part in allowing changes to occur in family relationships, letting go of hurts and fears and allowing love to lead the way.
It was beautiful to read your comment Lorraine. It is so lovely when we feel inspired, as we connect with these feelings, and can feel this change in our body and the beauty of that. As you say this then becomes an opening for ‘letting go of hurts and fears and allowing love to lead the way’.
“and as you have developed that lovely relationship with yourself”, this seems to be the key here, to begin to develop a loving relationship with ourselves, that way this extends out to others too and true healing can begin.
It’s so true what you share Catherine. The more we heal our own hurts and develop our relationship with ourselves the more we heal our hurts and develop our relationships with others.
Thank you Angela for your most supportive comment. It never ceases to amaze me how once I begin to take responsibly for my past, the present becomes easier to live with as well as the healing that it brings to all relationships. Once I begin the process in one relationship my awareness grows and I am more likely to change other relationships too. It is so wonderful to expand our experiences of life and realise that it is never too late!
Hi Mary, thank you for sharing this – I too have been jealous of younger women who are doing well in their work, but knowing that where I am is the result of the choices I have made, helps me to turn that around, so now I am learning to see these women as an inspiration, not an object of my judgement.
Yes Carmel I have experienced this feeling also and as you say it feels so amazing once we can let go of the jealousy and heal – and like you I now am free to feel inspired by these same people.
Thank you Mary for your comment what a gorgeous outcome to what began with jealousy and could have ended there if you hadn’t been willing to look at your part in what was going on. Although at first when we practice these new behaviours it can feel a little awkward and uncomfortable; the change in how we feel about ourselves encourages us to go further until it becomes our way of life. How amazing it is to feel our own beauty and to be able to own it.
Hi Mary, thanks for your example of jealousy there, it’s pretty easy to understand when you put it like that. Really great that you could heal the jealousy to pass on your love instead to your younger counterpart, that’s truly beautiful Mary, and she will really feel it and perhaps will be inspired to appreciate herself, and so the loves goes on…
Thank you Mary for sharing this, as it is so often when we are blaming someone else it could in fact be that we are feeling jealous about them, but if we can have the honesty that you’ve shown things can be so different. We can acknowledge and appreciate them for the qualities of which we are jealous and discover that in truth we have them also but not accepted the beauty and quality of ourselves.
Susan it is so true what you share, as we take responsibility for the past, the present becomes easier to live and how it brings healing to all our relationships. This has been continuous, I have seen the biggest healing take place with my family and me, but also amongst themselves. I have noticed as we take responsibility, it empowers others to do the same, everyone feels it.
I agree with your comment Amita. I have noticed that as I take responsibility, it empowers others to do the same, especially noticeable in family relationships but also in all situations. I often remind myself to observe and not absorb!
What a huge one that is, Susan, ‘taking responsibility for ones’s past’. At times I find it quite painful to be truly honest and truthful about my past actions but the more I do so the more liberated and lighter I feel. As I do so I no longer need to protect myself from the feelings of hurt associated by my actions and so can be more open and accepting of others. Your blog is a beautiful example of what happens when you do this.
I have found the same, Jonathan. Sometimes accepting past choices can be uncomfortable, but I always feel liberated when I choose to not repeat them, especially if the choice repeating itself is harmful to myself or others…
I love your response to Jonathan, Cheryl ‘Sometimes accepting past choices can be uncomfortable, but I always feel liberated when I choose to not repeat them’. I can sense your feeling of liberation. as it does feel so liberating and freeing when we can let go of old patterns that have held us back from connecting and deepening our relationships with others.
So agree with what you are sharing with us all here Cheryl. We can choose to accept and change our past behaviors with others, that frees us up to move forward in our lives breaking old patterns that serve no one.
Like you Jonathon: “I find it quite painful to be truly honest and truthful about my past actions but the more I do so the more liberated and lighter I feel.” It feels so freeing releasing all that we have unnecessarily held onto: that which we have often beaten ourselves up for; and the freedom begins with self responsibility.
Mary that is another blog! A supervisor of mine once commented that she noticed that women could be jealous of their daughters for exactly what you describe the jealously of them starting out in the world, more confident that they were etc. It’s awesome you are so honest here and it is confusing as I am so inspired by the older women in our student body so to think they think less of themselves is exposing of how far from the truth we travel.
That is so inspiring, Mary and just goes to show that valuing ourselves and our contribution goes hand in hand with valuing others and not let comparison and jealousy creep in – or address it and move on from there, as in your case. And that takes courage.
Beautiful turning around Mary
Thank you Angela for your comment – it is beautiful as we make different choices and begin to deepen our commitment to life how things in our lives that were once a ‘duty’ take on a whole new meaning. It feels that once we embrace our responsibility we approach life in a way that is more expansive and respectful and with this an enjoyment comes that life is really wonderful and that we are responsible for that too! It is great to appreciate that we are the ones who are offering this to ourselves as we learn to love who we are.
Its true Angela, the more responsibility I take the deeper and more lovely my relationships are becoming. With my sister it has been amazing just to express love to her, something I have been unable to do up until now due to past hurts, but this is changing. It is very beautiful how true love and appreciation can create a connection and build real bridges between us.
Thank you Susan and Angela what you have both shared has had a deep effect on how i view my relationships also.
I have always seen my brothers as just being there with no real contact or relationship to speak of, but as i ponder how i am with other relationships i feel its time to explore my connections with my bothers so thank you.
Thank you Andrew for your comment. It is so beautiful when we finally find a way to accept ourselves and in so doing accept others and deepen our commitment to our relationships. The depth to which we can go is limitless – and I find it’s only when I hold back that I am blocking true connection.