For as long as I can remember, I have always watched a lot of TV. It was something I could do with my dad, usually watching sport, and because Dad wasn’t able to give us much attention – simply because he didn’t know how to at the time, – it was one of the few activities we were able to do together.
So began my life of watching TV – a lot of sport, movies, sitcoms – anything! It worked beautifully with my pattern of checking out from the world … and as I got older, TV, along with alcohol and various other drugs were used. Looking back I can feel how TV watching increased my anxiety, which then led to procrastination and a life of stress and rushing, doing just enough to get by.
This pattern of numbing myself and numbing my awareness lasted a long time. I was 40 years old before I finally gave up drugs; I gave up alcohol about 5 years after that, but TV endured until just recently. Although I have felt the effects of scanning through the channels, looking for anything to watch, hours spent watching sport and re-runs of comedies from 20 years ago, it took a weekend of way too much TV to make the firm decision to give it away and find out what I might achieve without it.
When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.
I called these effects the T.V.‘D’s; I wrote them on a ‘post it’ note, which eventually got stuck to the TV.
The T.V.‘D’s are as follows:
Drains my energy – we function on energy, and time spent in front of the TV is stimulating to the mind, which then makes getting to sleep difficult. The consequence of this for me was that I was still tired when I got out of bed the next morning. If I stayed up late, it was usually because I was watching TV, so that also meant I would be tired the next day.
De-motivates me – this one is self-explanatory: when watching TV, not much else gets done. I would do a bit of work, tell myself I’m tired and need a break, sit/lay down and watch TV, then whatever I had planned to do after that was ‘forgotten’ and left for another day. On occasions I would have a trip planned for work but get caught up watching TV, resulting in me cancelling the trip. This was followed with lies and untruths about why my trip was cancelled and my services were to be delayed. This procrastination sometimes caused a whole series of events where I put myself under pressure and stress, which then increased my level of anxiety.
Dulls awareness & understanding – while watching TV, it was easy to override the awareness of how tired I really was. Usually I start to get physically tired around 7.30 pm, but if I was watching TV I couldn’t feel that and therefore I would stay up way past my bedtime, a very naughty boy! It is also a very effective way to numb something I don’t want to feel. Eating while watching TV was the most effective form of numbing and distracting myself since I no longer used alcohol and drugs.
Develops anti-social behaviors – on far too many occasions I made the decision to watch TV rather than going out into the world to interact with others. Go to a party or watch a good movie on TV I might have already seen? – TV wins. An opportunity to learn more about love at a presentation by Serge Benhayon or AFL grand final day… tough decision – but TV and the live telecast of the footy wins. Go out tonight, tired from watching TV, so ‘too tired to go out’. You get the picture.
Disastrous for eyes – this one just occurred to me now. When I would watch hours of TV and then go to bed, I could feel the effect on my eyes – they hurt. From what I can tell, all of this TV has diminished my eyesight as I can feel the difference when I watch less or no TV.
It is clear that becoming aware of the T.V.‘D’s a year or so before giving up TV shows the difficulty I have had in deepening the love for myself – that is true. I also know that if I had made myself give up TV before now, then that would have been for some reason other than it being a truth for me. Although that’s not great, it is better for me to make changes that are true for me, rather than to change a behaviour because someone else does.
Since giving up TV I have found I have so much more time to devote to reading and writing. I am getting things done before I need to, getting to bed earlier, getting up earlier and my eyes feel better. I have also noticed how other distractions put their hand up to replace TV… so far I have been able to not take up any new ‘pastimes’. As with other things I have let go of in the past, I know it takes a little time for those thoughts of ‘maybe just one episode of Seinfeld’ or ‘just a half hour, then turn it off’, to diminish, so choices must be made and resolve must be consistent.
Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.
In appreciation of Serge Benhayon, for showing there is another way, not only by what he presents, but also how he lives.
By Mark Payne, NSW, Australia
Further Reading:
Addictions
Coming to the Truth about how I was Living…
Biting my Nails – Old Habits die gently
1,103 Comments
“…. letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. ” Such a good point Mark that can be of use in any situation where we find ourselves in old bad habits.
“When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.” Since your posting social media and screen time is even more rife than TV. What is it doing to us all?
Great to highlight some of the negatives of watching TV, and some of the bonus’s you get by not watching TV.
If you want to feel depressed about the world, watch the news on TV.
If we do feel depressed may-be-we can look at what needs to be uplifted and go about that with a true purpose? As depression only adds to the dilemma!!!
I agree with you Mark. It is always much wiser to make a change from feeling the truth yourself instead of doing it because someone else says so or wants it. This does not excuse irresponsibility however and hence the crucial importance we all have in taking an active role in making true loving changes in our lives.
Have you ever felt when you walk into a room where someone is watching TV, it feels like there is an unsaid rule that you do not interrupt and sometimes it can feel like it is a sign that says keep out and do not attempt to connect?
So true. It is actually very hard to have the TV on and listen to each other therefore it cannot be an activity to include when we want to spend ‘quality time together’.
Its true about what you can achieve without tv. TV brings you down. I remember how much tv infected me with how people behaved. Most, if not all, I did not want to be like however, I was no better off in the same dulling state disconnected from my body ‘watching them’. Here I was ridiculing others on the tv set good or bad because I was in the same state – the exact reason why I turned the idiot box on because I was an idiot also checking out from my truth and power to what I bring to life.
I used to watch at least 2-5 hours of TV a day, it was like an evening ritual, it started with a whole string of soaps and often ended with my favourite – dinner in front of the tv. The process of quitting TV didn’t happen over night for me, it was a gradual process (I think Neighbours was the last to go!). The key with what you said is that addictions to things like tv and soaps naturally fall away when we start to discover who we are and look after ourselves and our purpose in life. Then work begins to become incredibly fulfilling and we don’t need the distractions that take us away from how amazing we feel inside.
This is great Mark, and can I add one more “D”, which is drowning my-self in the emotions that were on offer while in front of the screen.
And Don’t feel that you will actually take anything away of True energetic value or True purpose!!
There is a huge difference about giving up things because we should or because someone has told us we should or giving up something because it is abusive to our bodies, when we bring more self love into our lives this abusive behaviour just drops away, with no will power or trying needed.
What may appear to be a relaxing moment is actually a dumbing down of senses and a drain on one’s lifeforce.
The TV robs us of our pull to be with people. Even when we are in a relationship, we are disconnected from that person while watching the box, and then we wonder why there is no true intimacy in our relationships – especially when the programs are placed as being more important.
The TV watching also wastes so much time.
Life becomes duller with the more external stimulation we seek, yet it is like a drug and makes us want to seek it more.
I agree MW and we seek the stimulation because our life feels dull due to us not living our light and the divine beings we are.
Love this sharing Mark as it highlights the self-empowerment that is on offer through the The Way of The Livingness. For as you have shown, and I have also experienced, that the more we are willing to be honest with how our bodies are feeling at any given time, we develop greater awareness to the effects that our choices are really having on our lives. As such we then can choose to adjust how we are living and as a result live so much more of who we really are, rather than being stuck in a loveless pattern of who we are not, being frustrated and feeling anxious by not living what we deep down know what our true potential is.
Yes, just the experiment offers a freedom for greater awareness of what we actually want in our lives. TV serves a purpose, work out what that purpose is and use it accordingly.
There are so many ways to avoid feeling full of ourselves. I found my self avoiding completing something this morning, deciding to tidy my room rather than enjoy the beautiful sense of completion – once I realised what I was doing I simply got on and completed it – Now I’m not dragging that around with me all day!
I have experienced every time an addiction presents itself it is an opportunity to say yes to more awareness. That grace period is to be more tender and honour my truth so I can live with more love in my life.
After a very recent series binge I have realised so much about TV that I hadn’t previously because often I can take it or leave it but once in a while certain shows grab me because of a need in me. Looking back over my life I realise I have lived my life according to certain programmes that I used to fill a deep grief I felt growing up from my lack of connection with others. I saw TV characters and used them as people and relationship substitutes. And I can admit the craziness that goes with this – the fantasies of being part of the detective unit, the hero, the one who gets the previously unemotionally available man (that one’s a biggie).
It’s like I used TV to always compare my life and, in my 20s considered my life as what would someone outside of me shooting a film consider it to look like – there was very little about how I felt inside. I was craving what I had seen on a show that I felt was missing in my life, so purpose, adventure, love, success, recognition etc. And my life felt so distant and plain that it was no wonder I went for TV programmes that are designed to hook you in with excitement, intrigue etc. But I can’t blame them for me abandoning my life and not appreciating me. This latest binge has shocked me or rather exposed where those holes are that until now I have avoided healing. What’s beautiful is that I can see where they began and bring me back to me.
I had not clocked how when I used to watch TV it increased my anxiety which in those days I was not ready to acknowledge either so a life built on lies was exacerbated by all the time lost to the numbing effects of watching TV. Life is so much richer without it.
The negative effects TV watching was having on you are probably shared with many if they choose to be aware of this fact, and yes, ‘When I allowed myself to really become aware of the effects TV watching was having on me, I could feel that it was numbing my awareness and much more.’
As part of my job I visit people’s homes, the TV is almost always on and it can be very distracting. There’s a hooking feeling that I sense when it is on. And also an anaesthetic-like affect that numbs the person. When indoors all day due to illness being sat in front of the TV can cocoon a person away from the world. My life has become much richer since ditching the TV.
As a health visitor I used to visit people in their homes and like you found the TV was invariably on. Sometimes hard to talk over the sound and eyes used to turn back to the screen. Not sure how much true communication went on then!
Watching TV can become an addiction and we can ask ourselves what is it that we are trying to avoid or distract ourselves from? Nothing on TV matches up to being aware of the amazing being we are when we tune in to who we truly are.
Yes, I love what you say here. I know for me I used TV to hide a lot of painful feelings of grief and loss growing up. Certain shows (and I’m sure there’s a show for everyone who seeks to medicate on TV) pretend to cater for this gap but I can feel the ones I go for come with a deeper yearning attached; there is no healing available with them only more of the same, more addiction waiting for the next series which is what the business is about. I can see why actors are followed with such interest because people want that fix, the allure of more of what will address their pain – or that was so for me. What’s great is seeing what is at play and there is no healing, only further loss when I watch TV.
Thank you Mark, if you still would be sitting and watching television you could not have written this blog, not only time wise but also you would not had the awareness of what you were doing to yourself and your awareness. Watching TV has a much bigger effect on us all than most of us want to admit, it is the fact of sitting a lot and watch it, dulling yourself but also what program is on and is feeding you ideals and beliefs about how life is or should be, is there ever any truth in what you watch on television?
Since giving up the TV, I have noticed that there is a willingness to be more engaged in life, in the local community and my moods have changed immensely. What stands out now is how much time was wasted by watching the TV – I used to say I didn’t have time for this and that, but when I examine how I was spending my time, it is easy to say a lot of it was numbing in front of the telly. I can literally say that my life has expanded since giving up the TV.
It has been a couple of years now that my TV has had a sheet over it! It sits un-watched and unloved after all those years of the comfort it provided. The space in my life TV occupied is now absorbed by productive activities. Just one more item that has been left in the past, that is no longer required or has a part in my future.
The pattern of procrastination then excessively rushing to try and counteract for our delay does not compensate that lost time – but by being consistent and more purposeful and focused on quality we will always manage our responsibilities and daily life far more effectively.
It is a well known fact that domestic violence and abuse rates are on the rise and this is interesting considering how simple issues within relationships could be solved if we gave more time and true care to them instead of checking out in front of telly together.
After reading this enlightening article I think it would be true to say that TV is a religion that could be claimed by most of the world = shocking!
I know some young adults who are addicted to computer games and I can see how this addiction is affecting their life and their relationships. The more we discuss these issues and expose the root cause of addictions, we are able to be more understanding and able to support people who are caught up in it. Without understanding it becomes easy to judge and with judgement, nothing will change.
I love how you have shared…’ letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. ‘ – as it is so true. I found that initially when I could feel that certain behaviours or activities were not supporting me I instantly thought that in letting them go I would be losing something, or missing out but what I have discovered is that what I have gained is a greater connection to who I am, and that far exceeds any activity or behaviour that does not honour all that I am.
If we see how much television people are watching it is amazing to realize how much time comes available when we stop this habit of comfort.
We have space for true contributions for humanity by living a quality that adds to it.
A perfectly timed blog this morning Mark, I feel like I have a hangover from watching TV last night after quite a heavy work course. It actually irritated me at the time but I decided to do it to keep others company – what a decision! My body wanted to go for a walk and I can feel the effect of not honouring that in my body. So, I now have to bring a deeper level of love to myself before day 2 of the course today. Thank you for the reflection.
Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. It’s extraordinary how often we think of the answer to our indulgences is to give them up. This then brings on a clash of wills as one part of us says go for the TV programme or drink, smoke, whatever and the other part says no – at least that is how it can feel….with one side ultimately winning. When we connect to who we truly are the conflict ceases and we are left alone to enjoy ourselves, literally, and the purpose to being here and what we have to do returns.
“Over time, it has become clear to me how letting go of choices that don’t support me are not so much about giving up something, they are about saying ‘yes’ to who I truly am. When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.” Absolutely Mark. What we focus on brings energy – so focussing on who we are not doesn’t serve us at all. By saying ‘yes’ lovingly to who you truly are enables old habits to fade away – no effort required.
As we discover more about how vital purpose is in our life, one must contemplate the insidious nature of all the distractions that abound
Awesome list of how watching TV can effect us Mark, thus affecting all around us. The responsibility you have taken and the choices you have made are inspiring.
I used to love watching soap opera’s on tv and couldn’t wait for the next episode to see what would happen. I also found the time spent watching tv was to relax and unwind, but now it seems better to ask why we need the time to relax in front of the tv? Could there be other reasons why we need to relax? How have we been during our day or week that has lead us to be tired in the first place? Watching tv now actually makes me really tired and the noises and intensity of the tv programs actually make me feel quite yucky. It goes to show just what are we watching on tv and what energy is this then bringing to our bodies?
We do not have enough doctors, nurses, police, firemen and social workers and I am sure the glamor of TV has a lot to answer for this. Many people are devoid of reality living in illusion wanting to be a pop star. This is ideology is hurting our very foundations of society.
A gorgeous blog to read Mark and a wonderful example of someone taking responsibility for choices that do not dull, numb, distract, cause addiction, alienates, etc.etc.; instead making loving, self nurturing choices;
” When I am choosing to be all that I am, the desire to numb or distract myself falls away without effort, and I get on with what needs to be done.”
I ave noticed I am so productive when I don’t turn on the television. I have also noticed that I feel less drained – this is counter to what I have lived with for so many years because I thought when you were convalescing the best thing to do was watch TV so you were not challenging your brain with doing much else! I can share from experience this is definitely not the case!
I was struck by your use of he word past times, not often used today. Not only do past times, help us to pass the time away but they also give us a false idea of what life is about, as if it is here to be frittered away by us with no sense of purpose, or if there is a purpose that that be kept for special activities and then we get relief from that in our past times or hobbies. In fact some past times have grown into multi million dollar businesses and fanatic outpourings from the public. This is true when we consider kicking around a ball and football the sport as it is played today, likewise singing together in the evenings and appreciating a beautiful song to the mania of pop idols. Amazing how we can take something and create an obsession and craziness from it.
It’s very powerful when we start saying yes to Love, to being ourselves in full and then making other choices with this as our foundation. Constantly saying no to ill behaviours can help us change to a certain extent but if we’re saying no to something, we need to be very clear what we are then saying yes to, otherwise as you point out Mark, we could simply say no to one thing and replace it with something that looks different but does the same job of numbing or distracting us from feeling everything there is to be felt.