Relationships are precious. There is the potential in each relationship to reflect back to us an aspect of the puzzle we are all here on earth to piece together.
Life itself has taught me this. Every relationship I have had, and continue to have, has helped me go deeper into the most important of all relationships – the relationship with myself. And then in turn, this has had a very positive effect on all my other relationships as well.
What I have learnt is that when a relationship is based on a commitment to bringing love to it no matter what, it actually needs no passport! It needs no physical presence for the relationship to deepen and for the love to grow. We can be across the world, sometimes not even speak to each other for some time, and this will not matter if the love continues to be there. Love remains at work, holding the other, as we hold ourselves and in that holding, immense healing takes place.
Some 16 years ago I chose to move from the UK to Australia. The call to move was undeniable and the moment I set foot on Australian soil I knew I was home. It was that simple. I arrived here with my then partner – with all my family remaining on the other side of the world.
I kept regular contact with my family, as one would expect, and would take regular trips back to the UK to visit. A few years after I had made the move, one of my brothers became mentally ill and a likely danger to himself and others. What followed were some very distressing times for my brother and my mother in particular, who was at the forefront of the situation. There were regular phone calls and Skype conversations to try and support with what was happening – and when I say support, back then it was all about fixing this problem to make it go away.
Yes, I wanted to support my mother and absolutely I wanted to help my brother. But I also wanted the problem to go away because it was so awful to have hanging around. Underlying all my efforts and intentions, there was this unreconciled guilt that I wasn’t physically there to support them from close.
This guilt was foreboding – what was I to do? Was I to pack up and return to the UK and be physically there? Was that what was needed? Would it make all the difference?
I took this inner turmoil I was feeling to a healing session with a very wise esoteric practitioner, who lived a quality of relationships with others that I very much admired. I remember the session as clearly now as I did back then, and it is these words in particular that keep coming back:
‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’
At the time I couldn’t really get this.
I got a sense of what the words were saying, but I couldn’t quite accept that what was being said was in fact a truth. How could this be relevant when my family was on the other side of the world, literally? But I decided to be open to what had been said at least, and to deepen my own commitment to healing all those unreconciled hidden pockets of pain within myself. I was curious to see what ripple effect this could potentially have on my relationship with my brother, and on my brother’s situation.
What unfolded over the years that followed was nothing less than a miracle. I watched from the other side of the world as my brother, who had become a recluse with a bleak future and nowhere to turn, took absolute hold of his life and turned it around. I watched him walk away from drugs and alcohol and from the party crowds he used to hang out with – even though this meant that he would feel even more lonely for a period of time.
I also watched him turn around from being staunchly against medical intervention to cooperating with the doctors fully, knowing that was an essential part of the responsibility he needed to take. I watched him make those steps to going back into the world again, to working, to being amongst people and developing a confidence within himself that he could now bring into social situations. This was a confidence he did not have before. And I watched the joy he would have as a little boy return to his face. His eyes once again saying, ‘I see you and I am here.’
I visited my brother just 3 or 4 times over this period – and this is in the course of approximately 5 years. Our relationship deepened with the physical distance being there, and it wasn’t about being on Skype or the phone every day. Sometimes we would not talk for days, even weeks. But what was always there was my resolute commitment to holding my brother and the situation in love, and addressing anything that would get in the way of this. This meant looking at any expectations or frustrations I might have had, any belief systems that I had taken on to consider the situation being under the banner of right and wrong.
Love doesn’t have right and wrongs. It simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are – and this was my vantage point. If I was not seeing in my brother the grandness that he is, lurking underneath the turmoil he was in, I would look back at myself first. What was in me that was covering up the truth that love will always let you see?
It wasn’t smooth sailing by any means – there were challenges and difficult times, particularly for my brother – but underlyingly it was clear that he was now feeling held by something bigger, something far stronger, than the seeming darkness of his immediate situation.
I did not want to accept those words that the esoteric practitioner had expressed to me back then, because in accepting them I would have needed to accept my power as well. The power each one of us has in that the quality we hold ourselves in, is the quality we hold all others in.
And herein is the responsibility that we often duck from in relationships.
If we make relationships about “you do your bit, I do my bit and then our needs will meet in the middle”, we don’t need to consider the powerful ripple effect that is happening anyway between us. But when I say powerful – is it from a loving, healing quality if we are choosing to behave and relate in a way that is contra to this?
Whether we like it or not, we are always oozing something out of ourselves and whatever it is we are oozing is being latched on to by the other! So do we ooze love, joy and a commitment to letting go of our hurts, knowing there is a vastness of more love to connect to underneath them, or do we ooze the icky hurts themselves? Do we stand up the walls of protection where we allow some people to access some parts of us, but always with conditions and always with a get-out clause, which means we never let ourselves get too close?
A true relationship has no walls and no protection. We deepen constantly; we bear who we truly are constantly. We jump off the cliff knowing we will be held in God’s love, which is our love. And so we go for it in full.
I can even go as far to say that a true relationship is the communication of Heaven in physical form. What we exchange amongst each other is far from merely physical, emotional and spiritual – it is in fact, the exchange of the entire universe with the vastness of the stars coming through one divine spark to the other. Because it is through relationships that we remember the stupendous grandness we are from and that we are all, eventually, heading back to.
By Anonymous, Australia
Further Reading:
My Brother – Not an In-LAW
Making a relationship about true love
Constellations
389 Comments
‘It needs no physical presence for the relationship to deepen and for the love to grow.’ This makes so much sense when I am deepening my connection with love. If I put stumbling blocks in the way they are felt too. Remove them and love blossoms. And the blocks can appear reasonable, logical like if I don’t focus on the relationship it will wither and die. Included in that is if I feel off and focus on my connection with me and the relationship is placed to the side then that’s somehow selfish. But if I focus on a relationship and it’s not coming from my connection with the love that I am, then what is coming through? Then what is that relationship based on if it’s not love?
So this instantly brings up a topic I love to pretend I know nothing about…. Responsibility!!!!! I really don’t like the fact that how I am with myself affects all my loved ones because that takes away the reason I’ve adopted all these years not to deal with my own issues by way of putting everyone else first and in that falsely “helping” them by fixing their issues.
Knowing the only way to support them is by supporting myself is very confronting when feeling your feelings can be so tricky! Still it’s a great awareness to have and one I had quite a few years ago now and the quality of my relationships has also vastly improved as a result, but as with everything, there’s always more and the “helping” people thing has become a lot more subtle in my life so its good to be reminded about it.
“As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.” When I first heard these words I had a moment of asking how is this possible? But as with much of the wisdom that I have been presented over the last few years I sat with it and allowed myself to feel the truth that I had been offered. And yes, as I began to heal my hurts and the relationship with myself, some of the relationships with others close to me began to heal as well; some quickly and others slowly but surely. The big lesson here is that how I live affects everyone around me.
What a rich and empowering blog! Why is it so hard for us to accept that we are as grand and powerful as we are ?! Maybe life would be too simple then maybe ? 😉
Not needing anyone to be a certain way allows the ultimate love, space. Realising and embodying that we never have to “do” anything to help another is huge, as we learn from young on, that we need to do something, to get a result. Accepting the own innate grandness is for me a ongoing development- it changed my whole way of living .The motion and effort we put ourselves under gets reduced, as true motion comes first from a surrender. Then we know exactly what needs to be done in form of physical action or if the biggest love is to just be present and being there.
I loved what you have shared Steffi, it is not in the doing that we help another, but in accepting our grandness and surrendering to this allowing us to move and live in a way where we will know what we offer to another in the way of love.
When we make all relationships about love and not just about getting our needs met, there is the opportunity for true intimacy.
When we hold another in the love of who they truly are, rather then try and change them to suit our picture or see them as their behaviours we give them the freedom to make their own decision of how they want to live.
Exactly Mary-Louise. It is that absolute imposition and hence the space that is allowed which then lets the other feel that there is no pressure, expectation or judgement placed on them. It is the greatest healing we can offer – in fact, that is the healing. We have dismissed for so long how sensitive each one of us is, that we have forgotten how simple it is to love someone.
‘We jump off the cliff’… alongside lots of gold in this article this phrase touched me, because it invites me to ongoingly relinquish control, conditions and any holding back in my relationships… it is an amazing feeling.
Very true Matilda… if we want to make our relationships about love we can’t settle for the cruise control button. A relationship that’s cruising is a relationship that has one stale. It’s a constant dive in – to ourselves, to access deeper parts of the never-ending love that we are and bring this to this plane of life. And it’s so so amazing doing this together, in relationship, as it has been intended.
I feel too that when we talk to someone who is not physically present or connected to us by skype , phone etc that the message we put out is still picked up. When we communicate lovingly in this way, with no attachment to outcome, we are offering a healing for ourselves and the other. It’s like planting a seed and when the conditions all come together for that seed to germinate more often than not it will and it does and it can continue to grow with love (support) from itself and others.
“There is the potential in each relationship to reflect back to us an aspect of the puzzle we are all here on earth to piece together.” There is no greater mirror to discover what we need to heal within ourselves than within the mirror of another person.
It needs a lot of courage to step aside of the well-trod path that we had set out from safety and a controlling way of living life and to “jump off the cliff knowing we will be held in God’s love, which is our love. And so we go for it in full.”
Yes, it takes a lot of courage which can be supported by the honesty of admitting how all the other ways have fallen short of bringing us back to the love we are. All the other ways promised so much but deep inside we knew each one would bring us only complication and harm even if there was glitter on top trying to wow us for as long as possible.
Its like talking to an old friend that you have not spoken to for decades and feel that no time has passed and that you pick up where you have left off. These are markers for what is possible in all relationships.
Yes and the way in which we are holding one another as we express rather than coming from a judgement of how we ‘think’ we should all be living.
“being under the banner of right and wrong”… it is time for this banner to go. It has the world held so tight in its embrace and keeps us from being open to the truth of a situation and the incredible offering it is offering us when we get caught up in the right and wrong.
Indeed Sarah, the right and wrong banner we have accepted as being right to follow acts as a imprisoning, keeping us locked away from accessing the truth that would otherwise be simply available for us to live too and by in any situation that we would encounter in life.
What a wonderful reminder that rather than impose on another by feeling we have to be there to be part of their healing, we can work on dealing with our own ‘stuff’ our own emotional baggage and that also supports them. We have so much to learn about the unseen ties we all have with each other, the ones that drain, the ones that impose and hold another in guilt. If we deal with releasing ourselves and others from our own hooks, the ripple effect can be what it is but it will be without imposition from us, which can only be an incredible freedom!
We often have a tendency to think that we have to see a person physically and discuss with them to have a difference, yet what I love here is the reminder that energy is global, universal and we don’t need to be in physical proximity to people to inspire them.
I agree David – also lovely that wen we are with people we do not need to necessarily say anything to support them as our movements alone can bring the quality of healing to us and them.
When we take responsibility for our own healing we are reflecting back to others that they too can heal if they choose. Healing is never just for self it is for the all.
“when a relationship is based on a commitment to bringing love to it no matter what, it actually needs no passport! It needs no physical presence for the relationship to deepen and for the love to grow. ” beautifully said and the knowing of love and true relationships changes everything and allows a harmony and flow in our lives wherever we are across the world .”Love doesn’t have right and wrongs. It simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are.”
I have found it is in the wanting to be right or wrong where relationship issues start to happen and appear. Whether it be wanting to be right to embrace another or prove a point or being wrong and either giving in to compromise amd let the other person feel they have won or not wanting to admit or say when things are hard in fear of being judged for being wrong. It is crazy much we can use them to divide us.
It’s quite profound isn’t it, to consider that as we deepen in one relationship we deepen in all. There is no such thing as exclusivity in love.
‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’ and so with this awareness come the realisation for me that we have a responsibility to hold them in love as they go through this process. This applies to everyone in our lives that we are in relationship with and not just our immediate family but work colleagues, friends and the people we meet regularly on a daily basis.
It is such a beautiful point Michael and that brings us to responsibility. Knowing that everything we do has an effect on everyone, not just those closest to us is a stop moment in itself asking so ok what I choose and the way I am matters.
True love is beholding of all, for how do we love the one, without also loving the many?
And this puts to bed for me the notion that there are different forms of love. Love is one unwavering heavenly quality that simply expands the more it is accessed and expressed.
‘…we allow some people to access some parts of us, but always with conditions and always with a get-out clause, which means we never let ourselves get too close?’ what a great question to ask of any and all relationships in our lives. In truth if we find this to be the case in one relationship it will be in all.
‘ If I was not seeing in my brother the grandness that he is, lurking underneath the turmoil he was in, I would look back at myself first. What was in me that was covering up the truth that love will always let you see?’ This is a wonderful practical question to ask oneself when the beauty of another is masked by something within us. There’s an inner beauty to us all. No matter if, on the outside, behaviours and energies are layered on top of it we can still see past them to the true being beneath. So what is it within me that maybe is obstructing me being able to connect with this?
“Love doesn’t have right and wrongs. It simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are – and this was my vantage point”. And this is an inspiring vantage point to hold with all we love so dearly.
Loving with no protective walls would mean letting people in to see all of who we truly are and letting out all of who we are.
Which is why we avoid it. Letting someone see all of who we truly are would be to reveal our greatness – and us to see that equal greatness in them. This would expose the lie of the way of living we have set up which is built on a premise very far away from the greatness we all are. And it would expose that this lie is of our own making.
I can definitely relate to leaving my country of birth to go and live in another country and leaving all my family behind and sometimes wondering how I can support them from afar so love what you are saying here that we can love people simply by committing to our own love and our movements of that love and that we don’t have to be physically in the same place to do this.
This is what All of our relationships can be based on …”…when a relationship is based on a commitment to bringing love to it no matter what,” And I mean All, with people we are yet to meet, the shop assistant, our Grandma, the bus driver…why offer one person less than another, we all benefit and prosper when we make a commitment to Love and our expression.
“Because it is through relationships that we remember the stupendous grandness we are from and that we are all, eventually, heading back to” – and when you also talk beforehand about the stars Anonymous together with this line here i have pasted.. it makes me really deeply appreciate the beauty of the science of reflection that we do get from people who have re-connected to the stars and who shine, twinkle and bring heaven on earth as our own reminder. Simone Benhayon is just one of these such people for me… and also there are many others too that remind me of our grandness through their eyes.
Absolutely gorgeous – When we surrender to the appreciation of what we have connected to, when we claim the truth of who we are for ourselves, we then see this truth confirmed back to us though the eyes of so many.
I can relate to this very well. When we judge a situation or a person in any way and do not see their stupendousness we are negating our own stupendousness of love. The love that can hold another and all others in absolute equality and with them feeling this preciousness, true change is inevitable.
Love is a living intelligence, an intelligence of such magnitude that we can’t even begin to fathom how it works but in truth we don’t need to know how it does what it does, we just need to be love and then stand back and watch it do it’s work.
When we are just focused on and thus reduced to the physical realm we will think that connecting with another is only possible when our 5 senses somehow can communicate like seeing each other and talking on the phone etc. Of course that is an important part of our daily experience as human beings and very necessary, but actually we are in connection also when being alone, it is only the absence of physical ‘proof’ that is missing. Maybe it comes down to a very simple and practical question: Do I shut down or reduce/focus my awareness when being alone or do I stay open and aware of the interconnectedness we cannot escape.
It is beautiful to consider that love is a beholding light and how, any activity that comes thereafter is an expression of that light – a beautiful divine expression that holds you as equal.
How amazing that you had this awareness, Anonymous – “underlying it was clear that he was now feeling held by something bigger, something far stronger, than the seeming darkness of his immediate situation.” We are all held in love, no matter how far we contract or veer off track.
What a fascinating story and example of (long-distance) love Anonymous , and how that when we understand love is so much more than physical presence alone, that love operates and flows without borders or geographic confine to always reach the specified source.
‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’ A science we have yet to fully explore and appreciate but extremely real nonetheless. When we study the world at the atomic level, we can appreciate the subtlety of subatomic communication. When we address our own self-care, it affects the particles in our bodies that in turn begin to emit a different message to the world, one that we are all earning to receive, the permission to love our selves deeply.
It is quite amazing when we notice that connections between people remain even at a long distance, not just in term of the memory but that there can be an actual influence and this blog is a good example.
That’s great. No matter how precise the measuring in relationships, it only leads to a muddle.
To pull to love is strong.
Recently I offered to help an elderly lady with her shopping . In our conversation it transpired that I was related to someone who she felt had wronged her. When we said goodbye she said that I had now redeemed that person. Our interaction had cleared the slate so to speak. From our loving ways others also get to experience more love.
I love this little story, Elaine, especially as there is no coincidence of who and when we meet people. It would seem that there was a true purpose for your meeting and a lot more going on energetically.
A very timely sharing and beautifully presented. I love your words ”LOVE doesn’t have right or wrongs it simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are”. Thank you Anonymous.
Yes, and this holding gives the other a choice, a choice that may be easier than without the holding.
I love that Richard – what a great byline as it were to start the day with 🙂 Every day!
‘What I have learnt is that when a relationship is based on a commitment to bringing love to it no matter what, it actually needs no passport!’ How many of us actually do this without holding on to resentments and hurts? However, when I bring understanding, appreciation and love to my partner it is much easier to let them go. What is left in their place is an openness, a lighter feeling and dare I say it, joy?
Yes, Richard, what you share here sounds like two completely different ways to be in relationship. When we take responsibility for ourselves, things are much more simple and clear with another.
The truth of our interconnectedness is something we avoid, because it shows us how responsible we need to be for all of our choices in daily life.
I’m experiencing something interesting with a member of my family they withdrew from life many years ago to some little hamlet in France and my contact with them has been erratic. But this last 6 months they have been making contact and it feels as though they come close and then withdraw it’s a yo-yoing effect. They get furious with me and can also be very loving. I understand that they are in a process of testing me and life again; that somewhere in their past life they have been very hurt and it is only in this life are they testing whether or not it is safe to trust again. I do not react to the fury; I encourage the love and have no expectation of what might happen. All I can do is live what I know to be true to me and if it resonates with another then so be it, if it doesn’t that’s cool too I’m not here to convert anyone just be all that I can be.
Dear Anonymous it was a great joy to read your amazing blog. “Love doesn’t have right and wrongs. It simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are . . . ” What would be happening in this world when more and more people would chose to live like this – just holding themselves and others in love. Perhaps this is one of the best medicine we all can prescribe to ourselves and than be simply curious what will happen . . .
Incredible how our relationships can change, deepen and develop even over long distances. We can use technology to connect in this way rather than distract ourselves away from life and relationships!
We cannot underestimate the impact we have on those around us – either we add to the issues and struggles and confirm that life is just this way, or we role model something else.
We cannot but be in relationship – with self, others and actually everything, but we can and in truth are responsible to define the kind of quality of this interconnectedness as we are either in harmony or disharmony and cannot avoid affecting the greater whole we are part of.
If we are true to ourselves it gives others the space to feel who they truly are too.
Your sharing is the conformation of our interconnectedness and reflects how big our impact on others can be.
This alone is amazing and explains love beautifully ‘Love doesn’t have right and wrongs. It simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are – and this was my vantage point. If I was not seeing in my brother the grandness that he is, lurking underneath the turmoil he was in, I would look back at myself first. What was in me that was covering up the truth that love will always let you see?’ Love is about holding another and ourselves in a space to just be and seeing the grandness of who they or we are regardless of what is being presented.
Openness is what leads to the potential of an opportunity being utilised.
Ain’t nothing coming through a closed door.
Yes indeed, it is very embracing and beholding of another to hold them as an equally divine being, regardless of the godliness or ungodliness of their choices.
Yes, the godliness or ungodliness of their choices…what a great expression. I get a sense there are many people in our lives who offer reflections to us and the opportunity to consider our own beliefs and judgements. They may have different means to address and cope, but what are their choices reflecting to us? perhaps ours are equal or more imposing to them.
This is a great example of our inter-connectedness and the sentient nature of our relationships. “As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.”
‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’
This sentence has remained firmly in my awareness since reading it and offered many opportunities to bring deeper healing to myself and thus others.
It can be so easy to focus all our love on another that not only do we give less to everyone else we also give less to ourselves. Yet when we simply are our all with everyone including ourselves then everyone benefits.
This clearly illustrates the power each of us have, and the responsibility we have to appreciate ourselves and what we bring. I can really see how not appreciating oneself is a very sneaky copout so as not to take that responsibility… and how in so doing we turn the volume knob down that little bit on the love that is literally right there in our bodies and beingness – to be expressed through our permission.
Relationships begin and end with a commitment to becoming intimate with ourselves and holding ourselves in the Light, and having established a foundation of love within that is steady and solid we can hold others in the same Light. I have been wowed by how relationships have changed and deepened as I have become more transparent and open and not held back from speaking my truth and ‘Because it is through relationships that we remember the stupendous grandness we are from and that we are all, eventually, heading back to’.
‘I can even go as far to say that a true relationship is the communication of Heaven in physical form.’ Thank you when we allow it. This is exactly what it is.
And that is what true magic is, healing our own hurts and living with true love will have effects beyond what we can fathom at the moment.
“Love remains at work, holding the other, as we hold ourselves and in that holding, immense healing takes place.” Beautifully said Anonymous… Love has no boundaries.
So true Paual, true love does indeed have no boundaries and yet what we have touted as love for centuries has come with the most ridiculous restrictions, demands and conditions. This in itself is a sure sign that it is not love.
There cannot be walls or limits when love can deepen unfathomably.
Very true Rosanna. Which is why saying yes to the love that we are and are here to reconnect to and bring in all that we do, brings the greatest freedom we could ever wish for. No escape from anything is needed when we say yes to the love that we are.
We live in a world that is nothing but love and yet for all intents and purposes it feels pretty loveless. And there is no one to blame but ourselves.
True Alexis, we make our own misery or we choose the love that is there.
“As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’’ This is the ultimate understanding of being selfless whilst putting oneself first at the same time. To truly love oneself and to heal whatever hurts we’ve accumulated ultimately ripples across to everyone we know.
What we share with others is key, beyond what we say and what we physically do – people can feel the quality of how we are living, how we are growing and learning and moving through life and this has a major impact on their relationship to us
That phrase makes me laugh, but it is so true. In every moment whatever energy we are choosing and moving with is through us touching every single person and every area of life. This is constantly the case, without exception. Huge.
Connections are beyond time and distance as they are not something outside of ourselves but are living within.
Alex, that got me realising that our relationships are the externalisation of the connection we say yes to which are not limited to this plane of life. On this physical realm we have the relationships and friendships play out – but there is so much more at play. For we do not just operate on this one physical realm. Every relationship we have including the one with ourselves spans across many more dimensions, beyond the physical. When we begin to appreciate this, we start to grasp the majesty every relationship can bring to us and is.
Very well said, you are revealing that we are multidimensional beings and hence everything we do as well as all our relationships are multidimensional, ie. they are neither linear in time nor location, distance or direction but rather emanating spherically and touching and relating with much more than just the subject we may focus on.
Without relationships it simple doesn’t work. No-one can be everything by themselves, we need others to discover the whole and our own more hidden aspects. And we also need to work together to solve all the issues we encounter living on this earth.
Love just knows how to be love, its really very simple.
Relationships are always opportunities to develop ourselves but for that potential to be filled, there must be honesty and transparency first.
Barriers and borders do not keep energy out and that is why they don’t work.
What I am becoming aware of is the more I live in commitment to myself in all areas of my life the more loving my relationships are becoming. I cannot deny the fact that if it is true love I am looking for in my relationships I have to look within, at the behaviours and how I am living first.
Thank-you Anon for exploring this pearl of wisdom and sharing the might of its lived truth.
The ‘might of its lived truth’. That is absolutely beautiful Lucinda.
If we are committed to living and speaking our truth then every relationship we have will be about love, including the one with ourselves.
Reading this has inspired me to skype, my sister, once a month to catch up on how her life is going, and to build that connection with each other.
Love this to bits….I’m oozing with love, power and the commitment I bring to healing my hurts even more so. I resonate deeply with all you’ve shared here, Anonymous for I too have had a similar family situation I thought I had to fix and be there for and yet have realised over time, how truly connected we are when I come from the mutual grandness in us all. It’s never about having the solutions but in allowing the vastness to flow through and reflect from us. A gorgeous communication that truly heals whether you’re there or not. Thank you!
Thank you Anonymous for sharing such a powerful inspiration of the importance of keeping committed to what one knows is true for oneself and the ripple effect that this then has on others.
What a gorgeous and true statement: “Love doesn’t have right and wrongs. It simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are”. And this holds just as true for ourselves as it does for every other person.
To built love in our relationships asks us to always deepen, with means to not stop when we feeling good with each other but always go to the next available evolution possible for you two.
Thanks, Anonymous. You had me at ‘relationships are precious’. Everything is there for us to learn and grow if we simply open our hearts.
Now that is what I call power: ‘The power each one of us has in that the quality we hold ourselves in, is the quality we hold all others in.’ It is palpable for me and others that each time I walk into a building holding myself in absolute love, everyone gets the same (treatment).
‘A true relationship has no walls and no protection.’ I was very blessed at birth to be given a twin sister. This relationship has been utterly foundational in my life since the bond between us is so strong. There are certainly no walls or protection and this has given me a marker for every other relationship in my life.
A great point to raise how no matter if we ignore it or acknowledge it – there is magic in relationships, a connection between 2 people that is very powerful and almost a magnetic pull. Relationships inspire one another – it is not 2 pieces coming together but 2 people working together.
Such a beautiful blog to read, thank you anonymous! I’m contemplating the words you received from the esoteric practitioner years ago and am marveling at the wisdom they contain and also the potential of what they offer to everyone. I have found it a slow process to let go of the hurts and judgments etc that creep into my relationships, but am feeling inspired after reading the blog to deepen my commitment to my relationship with myself, knowing that this has a ripple effect out to all other relationships I have.
‘Love doesn’t have right and wrongs. It simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are’. Beautiful Anon.
I am beginning to get a sense of what is on offer when I hold myself when I am with another… no agenda or conditions but absolute love.
As part of a re structure I have started to do some ‘cold sales’ calls this means that the company I’m calling does not know me or the product I’m selling, and to be honest I haven’t done this type of selling for years. But what I noticed is that I have no worries about whether I will be accepted or not. We all know that most people dislike cold sales calls, but I’m having fun just connecting to the person on the other end of the phone. I actually do not have to sell anything except genuine love and affection and I’m really enjoying just connecting to the people I talk to, they can feel my joy and it is infectious.
Anonymous, reading this makes me realise that I have not made a commitment to making relationships about love first and foremost, this I can feel makes all of the difference, and stops relationships being based on a need; ‘What I have learnt is that when a relationship is based on a commitment to bringing love to it no matter what, it actually needs no passport!’
Gorgeous realising that each of us can offer a piece of the puzzle of life to one another. Great reminder to appreciate the reflection received through others, as well as embrace the responsibility in our own expression..
I wonder if the brother’s falling apart was in any way triggered by you leaving? Your response to your brother has been amazing!
“Love doesn’t have right and wrongs. It simply holds the other person in the grandness they innately are – and this was my vantage point.” How awesome it is to feel that the more we deepen and cherish our relationship with self the more we are able to hold others with the same love. Love beholds all equally not matter who we are. Simply beautiful.
Looks vs love, boundaries and borders vs brotherhood… the things society promotes as ‘values’ to take into our relationships not only with partners but family, friends, colleagues and other people around the world are so skewed yet so well designed to ‘fit’ the agenda of creating separation rather than treating others with true care and respect. Just think about it; if we didn’t treat people differently based on their looks and instead treated everyone as absolute equals, then would we have the ‘border problems’ we have today? It’s fascinating how what we’ve set up feeds into and sets up more things to keep us apart.
Taking responsibility to heal ourselves has affects we cannot fathom. A great example of this anon.
That’s it Bernadette. Takes all the trying and struggling out of the picture. All that is needed is for us to make a commitment to heal our own hurts. When we do this we heal more than we realise.
‘As you heal, those in close relationship with you will also heal.’ This just makes sense as we are all connected so how we hold ourselves obviously affects all others. It’s a great thing to remember when we have gone into being concerned about another not evolving, or doubt what we can actually bring.
“I would have needed to accept my power as well. The power each one of us has in that the quality we hold ourselves in, is the quality we hold all others in.” I think you hit the nail on the head here A. and maybe it is for this reason that we want to hold on to our hurts and reasons why we don’t let others in completely.
I often see as a practitioner if one person heals something within themselves or get’s awareness on a pattern they can then let go of this always immediately impacts their relationships. I have so many accounts of people who’s relationships with children, parents, partners, colleagues and friends have changed that there is indisputable evidence that healing ourselves is offering a healing to all others in our lives as well.
Your blog and story is just ABSOLUTE GOLD, many times I have reflected upon it today after reading this yesterday .. in a phone conversation this morning with a friend and then throughout my day at work reminding myself 1. just how much of a difference we can make to others just through our livingness and 2. Am I 100% committed to love and life and if not why not .. what is stopping me? and 3. What healing (re hurts etc) is there that I still need to heal that in by doing this would have a positive ripple affect/healing on others. Also it just goes to show the affect we have on others even on the other side of the world!!! I am so glad you shared this. Just stunning ✨ And also what incredibly wise words from your esoteric practitioner.
This is such a great way to view relationships and this blog holds the keys to dealing with all relationship issues – that if we stop sensing and holding the other person in the grandness that they truly are, despite any behaviours to the contrary, then rather than blaming and/or judging the other person for it, we can stop and look at our own ‘stuff’ and read what is coming up for us that is preventing us from holding the other in love. What is it we are demanding or expecting from the other person which is generating the reaction? Love does not have demands or expectations.
I find that relationships are completely transformed when we take responsibility for our part and do not look to the other person to be what we want or need -if we understand that we are all responsible for our own evolutionary path, and giving another the space to discover and learn for themselves is part of what love is all about.
Beautifully said Meg and a great reminder that ‘relationships are completely transformed when we take responsibility for our part and do not look to the other person to be what we want or need’; this is so important.
I like that Monica – the lens of love which can easily get clouded by our own perceptions, hurts and ideas which we bring in and distort our view so that we stop being aware of the grandness that is all around us constantly.
What I am feeling when I read this blog again is that our passports are linked to our identities and it is our identities and what we identify with that mostly gets in the way when it comes to issues in our relationships. So when we put love first we have no need for any identities, ideals, beliefs, backgrounds, cultures, nationalities or even likes and dislikes. Our connection through the common thread of wanting to love and be loved supersedes all of these superficial differences.
Very true Andrew. I wonder if that is why as a human race we tend to baulk up on love. We crave it, seek it in desperation, go for empty substitutes – and is this not because deep down we know that in this love that we are, when we accept it and are it, we lose the sense of identity we have worked so hard at having?
I love your comment, Andrew, so true. Passports are for me identical with borders and protection. Whereas why would we want to focus on what separates us when we can focus on love and what unites us?