I love being held.
I have been single for the last four years and have chosen this period of grace to explore and understand more deeply what it means to hold myself.
To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.
Often we look for this feeling of being held from relationships, where we want and crave to be held, to once again feel this security that we know, a feeling where our hearts and bodies simply drop into and deepen, in connection to our Soul. I have looked for this feeling of security most of my life from relationships, but every time it has proved fleeting.
But there is an absolute knowing within me that any tricky situation in life means I have the support to find my way out of it. And therefore when I chose to be single I committed to finding out ways that I could hold myself, much like being held by a person that I trusted.
It simply began with the most direct and physical experience of crisscrossing my hands to touch my two arms in the most delicate and gentle way… and my whole body instantly melted. With this I had the simple confirmation that I can hold myself, I can give this back to myself.
This practice gradually expanded into other ways and other areas in my life, such as consistently taking walks in the quiet mornings. When I walk with myself, a warmth circulates up my body with a very warm, robust, solid and yet tender support. I will also support myself by the quality, sound and tone of my own voice: for example, instead of sending a written message on my phone to someone, I would record audio messages with the added awareness to speak in truth, presence and letting the whole of me to be expressed. Another frequent method was to take a ‘selfie’ allowing all my love to be reflected back through my own eyes. The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.
I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.
I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.
Recently, I felt that my self-dating had come to an end – for now – and it is time to test what I have lived with others. And how joyful that feels!
In experiencing an intimate relationship with another, what I found was with the experience of holding myself, it is very natural to then hold another, both energetically and physically. But what I have also realised is, holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.
There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.
To me, holding hands is one of the most intimate feelings in the world, as we are exchanging from our hearts with each other in a very pure way: I love holding a partner’s hands. And in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching. Do I hold another’s hands wanting them to be with me, or do I hold another’s hands in respect that they will walk at the pace they are comfortable with? Sometimes I physically let go of another’s hand because I know love is being chosen and nothing can actually be lost.
And it is with that I choose the quality of my relationships to be; and that this quality of relationships will come back to meet me.
By Adele Leung, Fashion Stylist/Creative Director, Hong Kong
Further Reading:
Prince charming vs true love
What is a Relationship with Myself?
Unconditional Love
In Relationship with Myself – A Love of Being a Single Woman
We are never alone as we are all always held in the loving embrace of God.
Thank you for this blog Adele, these words have supported me to understand myself more
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.”
I feel I am with holding this communion with God so that I can confirm to myself that I am not worthy to be a son of God. I can sense and smell the corruption of certain religions in what has to be a false belief that I’m hanging onto, because deeper within me I know we are all the sons of God as we are made of the very same particles as God so how can I in truth say I’m different and so not worthy?
I love this ‘ I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.’ Something we all should do ❤️
What you described at the start of the blog I experienced very recently, to hold myself feels so beautiful.
“there is an absolute knowing within me that any tricky situation in life means I have the support to find my way out of it.” I know and love this feeling. When we truly connect we know we have the magic in the stars in our hearts and the universal magic (God) is always there.
LE what you are expressing is that we have been totally crushed by life and it is now set up not to feel safe and held by God. This sets up an anxiety within our bodies, because deep within in we know there is more to life and we miss our connection to the universal magic that is God.
The absolute-ness of our Lived quality definitely is worth expanding and deepening so the Love we are becomes more of who we are and then this is the most Loving reflection is then able to be shared in our relationships.
Beautifully expressed Elizabeth.
‘…Every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself.’ I love this line – and it’s so true. An inspiring blog Adele.
A way that I hold myself is through my movements. I might sway my hips gently and rhythmically from side to side or do some delicate connective tissue movements. Sometimes I will place my hand lightly on my chest or caress my thighs. The movements feel like beautiful, loving gestures towards myself.
“I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others”. This is sublime, so, so beautiful. A love affair with yourself.
” I will also support myself by the quality, sound and tone of my own voice: for example, instead of sending a written message on my phone to someone, I would record audio messages with the added awareness to speak in truth, presence and letting the whole of me to be expressed”. Adele I remember reading this years ago and it struck me as an interesting idea. I didn’t consciously put it into practice but when I changed phones I started to dictate my messages whilst driving and through that process started to become acutely aware of the quality of my voice. It can at times feel and sound very beautiful, tender and loving, which in turn feels like it’s a confirmation that feeds me back.
Adele, it is a beautiful reminder that we can hold ourselves in love and that we need not be reliant on another for this.
Yes absolutely, surrendering to the love within ✨
This is really beautiful; ‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe.’ I love that we can hold ourselves and others in this way.
I like to float face down in the swimming pool and float on top of the water, as it feels as though I’m being held by the body of water which to me represents the universe. It has taken many years to be able to relax enough in the water that I feel safe and held by it, as I had an irrational fear that I could drown myself.
I take this experience out into the world with me so that wherever I am I feel held, this then brings a sense of settlement so that I do not feel overwhelmed by life because of the settlement that I can feel at the core of my body.
Sometimes I wonder how on earth am I going to master something that I know I am to master however it is not long before I get a sense that everything that comes my way is for a reason and that it wouldn’t come my way if there wasn’t something to learn. It is learning to let go and be open to the unfolding in whatever way and timing.
Yes, I have something to master at present, it feels very big, I am not sure how it will be etcetera, I guess I have to surrender along the way as I know it is imperative to master this particular thing.
What most of tend to do is to look at what we have yet to master as opposed to what we have already mastered and yet I think that it would actually be very supportive in mastering what’s in front of us if we acknowledged the colossal amount of things that we have already mastered. It’s just a case of systematically working through things one thing at a time.
Caroline thank you for your comment, I keep forgetting that
‘everything that comes my way is for a reason and that it wouldn’t come my way if there wasn’t something to learn.’
Instead I see it as a nuisance or why me, what have I done to deserve this? I’m hanging onto to right and wrong rather than just letting go as you say to the unfolding of what has been offered as a learning.
Being in a relationship is every day a learning to be deeper love with ourselves and each other. No moment can we cruise in comfort. It is truly worthwhile and this is the true definition of a relationship.
This was a great exercise to learn being deeper love with yourself every day, ‘ The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’
“I love being held” – I love being held in the quality of understanding.
I love the phrase holding someone does not necessarily mean holding onto them. I have on occasion been inspired when a couple lovingly separate with the deepest respect and beholding of the other and themselves, it is indeed a sight to behold!
We are only able to behold someone when we first hold ourselves without question. When we are able to walk away from someone or a situation which requires us to hold ourselves deeper, this choice reflects the commitment to return to true love, it is our natural direction to move into.
Adele there is something deeply meaningful in your words, to hold ourselves deeper, which to me means that there is always more of heaven to access than we could ever imagine and the only way to access heaven is to deepen our relationship with ourselves which automatically deepens our relationship with all others equally so.
“I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.” This is so cool – I’m going to experiment with this for a week and see how I feel at the end!
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” Allowing ourselves to surender to this feeling of being held when we are on our own is a great step towards deepening our understanding of our purpose on earth and equally supports us in our evolution.
“holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone” when we hold onto someone for security we fear the separation but when we hold someone in equal love there is nothing to lose as we know we are already love.
Mary and Elizabeth I understand what you both are saying that if we are empty of our own love then we are needy so that we have a tendency to hold on to someone and expect them to give us the love we refuse to give to ourselves. However when we can reconnect to the love that resides within all of us there is no need instead we come as you say Elizabeth from a place of fullness in the fullness there is no attachment to outcomes or expectations of another.
Such a beautiful experience for you to go through Adele and to now understand the difference between holding someone and holding onto someone. It is so easy to get attached to someone in a relationship based on what we need from them – but to let go of this and simply hold them in love takes it to a whole new depth.
There are so many different and subtle ways that we can hold ourselves tenderly, such as honouring what we feel, expressing what is there to be said and being honest and accepting of where we are at in any moment.
Nothing can replace or substitute the most precious and first and foremost relationship we have in our lives – the one we have with ourselves. When we work on that, it’s transferrable and expansive: all that love we connect to within is there for us to be expressed first of all with and to ourselves, and then from there, outwardly with others. Beautiful to feel and read this process of unfoldment, where there is no end, only deeper levels of love to feel and to express.
It such a beautiful and honouring reflection you share here Adele of what it truly means to live with our innate love, as such held in Gods inescapable love. As in developing and living in an intimate relationship with love for ourselves we then naturally offer this in all our relationships, as the degree of honouring we all rightfully deserve to live.
A beautifully inspiring story thank you Adele, I love how you shared the ways in which you learnt to hold yourself, and the beholding love of others, and in doing you developed trust within your self. “There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love. “
Trust can build in the body as we deepen and behold ourselves from that place that we are love.
If we don’t hold ourselves certainly no one else can
What an exquisite description of what it means to hold and behold oneself and then others, Adele! I can see very clearly how if we have not worked on what it means to truly hold ourselves with deep tenderness and connection, then we can’t offer that to anyone else, and this then may breed the needy attachment to another that you speak of, where we are looking for that connection outside of ourselves.
There is a surrender in what you describe, of knowing that love and breathing that love in and out, we know from this state that holding hands in fact are not needed to confirm that love. Even though holding hands can be a very great thing to do. So — we know love by our knowing and true movement first.
“Recently, I felt that my self-dating had come to an end – for now – and it is time to test what I have lived with others. And how joyful that feels!” – i love how you say “self-dating” Adele, it’s a great phrase, and how that self relationship has evolved with another to circulate even more fresh air into the already freshened and fragrant air/way you live life!
We are dating ourselves or someone all the time, or we can be in disconnection with ourselves and others also, it is only one or the other.
Thank you Adele, you sharing on the mechanics of how it is to hold yourself and to behold are inspiring straightaway.
Holding yourself and being connected to your fullness will automatically hold everyone else equally in it. Every person you meet, will get this unimposing love reflected- even without touch. It is like a wide open door, everyone can walk through, anytime, if they choose to.
It is very true Stefanie – we do not need to physical touch another to hold them as this is felt in the quality of our movement first, through the quality of love we align to, live and hold for ourselves first.
And it’s very possible to be physically held by another and to not feel held at all.
Yes, very true. Someone can be physically present but totally absent emotionally or energetically. This can feel more lonely than actually being alone. Holding ourselves in love at all times is key.
This is exactly the magic of work and of every relsyuonship. What I sometimes observe is it’s ok if there is reaction from this walking reflection, not everyone wants it but we can’t hold it back.
The consistency and commitment to hold yourself is very inspiring Adele. It is through consistency that we build trust with ourselves and others.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ I love this – that there we can deepen the relaionship with ourselves in every moment. Surrendering to love, really is key.
It is not difficult to give back to myself when I was single, but when in a relationship what gets exposed is the ideals and beliefs of being with someone, which is deeply inspiring to expose and move freer from.
When we get an inkling of the love that we are held in by God we are shown that we are all called to hold each other in equal love.
For me seeing and experiencing this in human life very tangibly through Serge Benhayon and his out of this world patience and love that he holds you in by accepting every choice you are making, but never reflecting less than the absolute truth, was a great way to rediscover that place in me also. Whenever I get impatient with someone or have an attachment for any outcome, I remind myself of the space that Serge offers me since many years. This space, this beholding love, that communicated to me from the start that I am never less than another, supported me to come back by my own love and power that I am today.
It is awesome you have this experience, what it shows me is the power of reflection and beholding. It inspires me to be the same just by reading it. How would this feel in my body and if it inspires me it must mean I have the capability to live this with consistency and commitment.
This is where the surrendering comes in..
“And it is with that I choose the quality of my relationships to be; and that this quality of relationships will come back to meet me.”
And support us the most possible by us choosing truth.
In order to be truly held we must first let go of all that holds us back from being able to see, feel, appreciate and breathe-in the grandness of such love. Therefore it can be said that our re-turn to love is a process of surrender and never is it a process of acquisition.
Let go, let go , let go and fall back into the love that we are. But having said that I do also acknowledge that it is easy to write and speak these words but when it comes to letting go of particular behaviours and ways of being, especially very ingrained ones, it is not so easy. Ultimately doable, yes but often not instantly so.
Adele, this is very gorgeous; ‘ The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’ I love what you are sharing here. This means that we can be held in love whether we are single or have a partner. And so we never need to feel unloved or uncared for.
This is one of my favourite blogs – it says everything about the world in which we live – for we are constantly held by God in pure love and all we need to do is feel that this is true, then hold ourselves and others this way too, just as God would do. Thank you Adele.
Such a great presentation of the practical aspects of what holding of self and another actually means. Thank you.
I agree with you Adele – I find holding another’s hand is intimate and a form of making love ❤️
We can only love another as much as we love ourselves – so I love this period of grace you share Adele – it is gorgeous to hear that there is no need in you to be with another and it is about supporting your body first.
If there were only 1 page on the internet tomorrow, I think I might make it this one. For it sums up so powerfully, how holding yourself and others in love is not a nice option to experiment with but a constant activity we are all here to go deeper with. Thank you Adele.
Love can not be lost when there is a beholding, if there is no beholding there is no love.
The quality of relationship you built with yourself was very beautiful, ‘The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’
Adele, this blog is exquisite. I have read this a few times and reading it again this morning has supported me hugely in seeing why I am struggling at times to allow myself to be held and be love.
We should absolutely give more space in our day to those moments of connection with ourselves, such as walking or even just taking a moment to breathe! This can change the quality of our work or activity thereafter and make a huge difference to our conversations and how we feel.
How often do we seek to be held by another when the quality in which we do this is reflected in how we hold ourselves?
Th art of beholding is a life long practise that can lead us all towards the stupendous glory and light that emanates from our soul, collectively as we embrace each other and all the qualities that we each bring, the soul in expression will always be beholding as it knows who you are.
The relationship we have with self is foundational, it is so worth building a loving relationship with ourselves, ‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself.’ So true.
I am in a period of really coming back to and learning to deeply love myself and from there bring my expression and love out to others. I have not yet been consistent with this, instead choosing to live from protection, waiting to be hurt by others. I need to learn to let go of this and operate differently, making it about bringing my love out for myself consistently and then bringing it to all others.
Yes the tangibility is felt with each word and reminders are there that we don’t need to belong to anyone or anything but are already part of the whole that is held by God.
“Recently, I felt that my self-dating had come to an end – for now – and it is time to test what I have lived with others. And how joyful that feels!” – awesome Adele, loving the “test” …. to self-date with love is to date in love.. two huge amounts of love then to be enjoyed and deepened further with full relish (!)
‘..holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.’ – Huge Adele and so powerful what you share. To develop a relationship with ourselves that is true, supports us to have no need for another.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ So true Adele, when we live and move in a way that is forever deepening the relationship with ourselves the reflection we offer our relationships is a more true and loving connection.
Recently I’ve been looking at the relationship with myself, feeling that it needs to go deeper for all my other relationships to go deeper. But I cannot do this alone as through true role models such as yourself Adele I can reflect and see how I can be with myself.
It is very beautiful to read about how we can hold ourselves, physically and energetically and that we can feel secure and content in our own beholding love, this then makes for much more healthy and true relationships with others.
Self-love will always be the foundation of love and connection with ourselves and with everyone.
There is a big difference between holding another and holding on to another – the former is expansive and the latter constricts and diminishes, the other and ourselves. Holding another is based on love and holding on to another comes from a need and an emptiness inside.
It is the most beautiful gift to give ourselves – to hold ourselves so preciously, the way we would love another to hold us. It’s also something that never stands still – this beholding quality is forever calling us to deepen. And then this becomes part of our foundation – and something that we offer all our other relationships also, because there is no need in us, just the solidness of this quality that then has a ripple effect on others as well.
To hold ourselves as love and behold the sacredness that we each are in essence is the answer to all our woes. From this place our movements and actions can only be loving and self caring.
‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.’ This is such a beautiful way to describe how it is to feel held, too often we wait for another to do this for us but it is incredibly powerful and loving when we bring this quality to our lives everyday.
“I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.” This is beautiful Adele. Loving ourselves deeply first – then we can love another….
Holding ourselves with grace amongst the stresses and unwavering intensity of the world around us is one of the healthiest choices we can make.
Beautiful to read this now at a time when I can so feel the pull to love myself more in this beholding way. Very inspiring, thank you Adele.
Being single doesn’t mean we are alone – quite the opposite really. There is instead an opportunity to develop and foster a very real relationship with oneself, which all other relationships will then stem from.
The more we open up to love the more we allow God in and through us.
Learning to let God in is the foundation of any true relationship.
There is not one person in this world that could come close to giving us what is innately within us already. As it is only through our connection to our Soul, our surrender to the truth of who we are and all that we are connected to that we come to realise that we are a gift unto this world. We offer a powerful reflection when we allow ourselves to behold all that we are.
Some powerful tools here on beholding ourselves, thank you Adele. Feeling the difference between attachment and beholding now is a stark difference for both parties to do and receive. Has given me a lot to consider in my relationship with my partner, others and myself.
Adele what a beautiful sharing on true love and the beholding it allows us all to feel and be held in .Very magical and real and inspiring to build this for ourselves.
The quality of relationship we have with ourselves is the quality of all our relationships as everything is a reflection. Just recently I noticed a big shift in the relationship with myself and I could not help but observe how people at work were different with me, they were just so much warmer and there was more laughter.
The quality of our relationship with ourself is the quality of our relationship with everyone and everything else. You can’t be in a crap relationship with yourself and expect deep, respectful relationships with others, it’s just not possible. When our relationship with others is difficult this is a direct reflection of some aspect of our relationship with ourselves that is also difficult. Therefore a beautiful opportunity to change something in our relationship with ourselves.
When we are fully with ourselves and backing ourselves, support will always be there for us in whichever way it is needed.
I love, love, love this blog Adele, and was perfect timing to re-read. I can feel just how much you hold yourself and how this comes back to you in all your relationships, you are an inspiration.
The answer to our woes in relationships and the loneliness that is rife amongst so many today is found in this piece of writing. To deepen the relationship with ourselves, we then extend this quality and depth to all others. This is our responsibility – to cherish ourselves to the bone, so that this devotion and love is then shared with others.
to cherish ourselves to the bone – that feels yummy Katerina, and definitely something to put on today’s menu and everyday….
‘to cherish ourselves to the bone’ I love this Katerina and actually I am starting to have a relationship with my bones. I never did connect to the bone tissue and its quality, I guess there is a world to discover and to bring me back to truly hold myself.
The amazing thing to have developed a rhythm in beholding ourselves is that we can always come back to it in any situation. Whether we are alone, single, married, with or without people around, it would always serve us. In fact, with this foundation it builds on all our relationships, it is the fundamental quality to being loving in all our relationships.
The tiniest moment I say no to myself, it affects every relationship. Every person I meet then gets a lesser version of me. Tracking any kind of reactions in me, that make me hard or distant is my every day focus because I know people need the reflection of love in todays world. It is the only way we will reconnect to our origin to then realise, that this here on earth is not “it”.
The essence of this blog is felt in my body, allowing a bit more surrender now.
Thank you Adele
Adele, wow I love this; ‘I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.’ What a gorgeous way to be with ourselves; rather than waiting for someone to be this way with us it is lovely to read how you loved and adored and respected yourself.
It makes such a difference to how my day feels when I do go for a walk with myself in the morning for myself. Even if I do not feel it so much at that moment, just the intention that I deeply care and love myself and walk with that has a huge impact on how I feel and also on what choices I then make thereafter in my day. I am more present and more observing so less reacting and more loving. There is also a lot of playfulness and joy when I do this.
There is nothing more rewarding than developing our relationship with self, for it allows us to set a standard that we will not drop below in how we relate to others- naturally enjoying more intimacy and love with all.
‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe.’ While re reading this today I had to admit I do not allow myself to surrender to this depth, there is an element of holding back, a control to not fully go there. Feels good to renounce this and to make the choice to claim the communion with God and my body and to not seek security in my relationships with others.
This blog is pure gold to me. Reading it I am reminded of the many ways I can be there for myself which actually enhances all my relationships because it takes me away from need and able to see the beauty in them. I’m reminded of appreciating myself as I speak – something I can bring a real focus to and commit to doing each day consciously so that it becomes my normal, everyday way which builds and develops. Just like your ways have expanded your relationship with yourself.
This was also a great reminder for me Karin. I have times when I haven’t been giving to myself or holding myself with love and I am needy of my husband or children. It all dissipates as soon as I feel what I am actually looking for and why.
‘And in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching’. This is a very powerful reflection Adele and one we rarely stop to feel into – the answer offers a true deepening of our own relationship with ‘self’.
Thank you Adele , what you have shared is just lovely
” in holding another’s hands , I have been asked to discern if I am holding or attaching ”
This is so important for once a person is attaching they are giving their power away to what is not love.
The more I read this blog the more I get the importance of loving yourself completely and adoring every aspect of who we are is the quality that we can then offer another through any relationship.
The most profound and beautiful relationship to develop is the relationship with ourselves, because this is the doorway to a relationship with the Divine.
This is such a beautiful way Adele to honour ourselves and to deepen the relationship with ourselves that has a powerful ripple effect that transforms all our relationships in life.
Building relationship with ourselves is as equally importance as building relationships with family, friends and so on. Often we put building a relationship with others above and beyond the one with ourselves. I have done this many times and now learning to build a deeper relationship with myself actually naturally enhances and deepens my relationship with others.
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” Thank you Adele for your very beautiful and inspiring sharing, it has given me more understanding on what holding myself truly means and how it actually feels in my body.
I cannot stress enough how crucial it is to have a solid loving and deeply dedicated relationship with ourselves first before we go into a relationship. What is unresolved is brought to the other just like the love we have also been building within. A relationship with understanding and no judgement is always key when allowing the other to feel the holding of your love and warmth.
Lately I have been noticing that I spend more time simply hanging out with me. I always have the opportunity to be with me but of late I’ve been enjoying the simplicity of being me. When getting ready for bed for example I love that space where it is pure enjoyment and the gloriousness of me. Nothing to do but hang out. It’s like going on a date with me with no plans other than to enjoy my own company.
“I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.” It is amazing how when we look continuously outside of ourselves for love, attention, to be held. we never ever feel full. We are always left wanting more and more and more. It is like the never ending pit just doesn’t ever get filled. It is only when we learn to give that to ourselves that we are able to feel truly and deeply full.
Adele, beautiful article, I love reading this and we can hold ourselves. I have had an experience recently at an Esoteric Yoga session where we were asked to hold our faces, this felt exquisite, we held our faces in preciousness and felt how lovely they are, I have been continuing to do this and find it a very beautiful, holding thing to do, similar to crisscrossing our arms and holding our bodies, it is very lovely how much we can hold, love and adore ourselves and how supportive this is, without needing others to do this for us.
Relationships do have a way of reflecting that which we see ourselves lacking in, so then we don’t like the reflection that they offer us and instead go into reaction over what we are not choosing for ourselves. This then tends to keep us on the defensive to protect what we are not wanting to address, and so it goes around, until we feel so uncomfortable, we either leave the relationship or fess up to our unloving ways and let it go.
Quite often, if we are honest, we will find that what we seek in another by way of relationship is often an attempt to make up for what we refuse to give ourselves. And so, we say we seek love. Then be love, and you will realise you do not need to seek it from another. This does not mean that you will not seek to be in relationship necessarily, but when you do it is less likely to be for the wrong reasons. Two halves do not necessarily make a whole, and even if they do, that whole is nothing when one compares it to the glory of what can happen when two entities that are already complete within themselves come together. Take the Sun and the Moon, two complete entities in their own right, yet when they rise and set together in passing, there is no greater sight – two glorious bodies coming together to reflect their combined light to the world.
Most preciously described what true love is.
Connecting with my wife in an intimate way is so joy-full but so is everything else in my life a joy and as I become more full of my self then this is also is spreading joy into every area of my life. So even when people pass over in all absoluteness I will be in joy for their passing is only their next point of evolution.
A beautifull confirmation that we do not need another to feel truly held.
I recently did a healing swap with a friend. I have been feeling quite fragile and have been taking extra care of myself. When she was working on me she said she could feel that I was holding myself tenderly, and that throughout the healing session she could feel the importance of holding me with that same tender quality. It was a gorgeous confirmation of the love I have been giving myself, and to know it could actually be felt.
I am finding that when connected to my body there is that feeling of being held and supported regardless of what is before me. I love practically holding and stroking my wrists first thing in the morning or when feeling fragile. However in terms of deepening this I am learning to allow myself to be the presence of my feelings, as if previously and still today I didn’t feel worthy of such tenderness that I feel while with my wrists. Reading this blog again re-confirms that I am totally worth this express towards and from myself.
Love is an expression of ours and one we receive. What form that expression takes is open.
I love being held by another too and find that I can only fully enjoy and surrender to this when I have been treating myself with the same quality and tenderness.
We can be assured that life will constantly supply us with opportunities to deepen this love for ourselves, as Love in its true meaning is forever expanding, there is no final destination. How beautiful.
Relationships are never perfect. They are a constant unfolding of our own love, a constant opportunity to expose what is not true, this is not to look for perfection, simply an unfolding back to what is truth in the heart.
Spot on Adele, to let go of any pictures we have around a relationship needing to be a certain way allows for it to naturally blossom and grow.
It is beautiful to feel the delicate beholding love you share with yourself Adele, and therefore naturally with others. The quality of relationship we develop with ourselves cannot but be felt by others as your blog confirms.
Until one day–holding ourselves is such a natural behavior that I will not need the reminder of challenges to hold me deeply, as simplicity and love is our natural way.
There is deep appreciation for all the seeming challenges in life, as isn’t every single time an opportunity for me to refine my own rhythm and to hold myself even deeper than the last. In these situations, we will begin to observe when we are able to hold ourselves, we will also be able to hold more of others.
‘The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would’ …. this is so divine, what a gift to you and to everyone else.
I love what you share Adele, holding ourselves in the same loving way as we would hold another. The example of holding hands and then walking beside without feeling it.
I love what you have shared Adele about holding hands and for me it can be an extension of the pulse of our heart shared with another or as you say attaching to another. beholding another is an offer of space to allow others to be themselves too and this feels so monumentally beautiful and unimposing to the heart.
What you have expressed here Adele is so beautiful, true and inspiring, there is indeed no greater communion with God than to be held by oneself;
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies”.
‘The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’ I have a belief that I cling to about other people loving you is better than you loving yourself. This allows for a convenient dependency – convenient because one’s a victim of circumstance and has the excuse to not be responsible for being love. This notion that one day I’ll be saved by the love of another is like trapping myself in a cocoon of waiting for that someday when everything will be rosy… which never comes because it’s a complete illusion that ends in disappointment when it’s time to die.
So, ‘The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would,’ is an amazing opportunity to discover that loving myself is very real and can be felt throughout my being.
This a reminder to myself to appreciate rather than to judge when what is felt is a holding on either on my part or another’s and to allow tender understanding to come back to the knowing that what is beholding is a natural part of ourselves ready to be lived.
“holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.” So much depth of meaning in a few words. Holding hands with someone is a beautiful connection of love and sharing who you are.
Yes both totally different in energetic communication, ‘holding onto’ and beholding …. one is stifling and the other is spacious and expansive.
Yes, beholding is a really beautiful expression of love. Being held in love is as well.
In the moments when I have left holding myself and expected others to hold me, I have allowed what is not me to enter. When I have left myself, I have also left another and I wonder why this has occurred. In reflection, when there is comparison or any ounce of reaction in holding onto pictures, lovelessness will enter. This in turn I have to bear the consequence immediately within the body, it is really not worth it to not be love.
What a great way to reinprint every relationship that you have ever had, by developing an intimate relationship with yourself.
That’s true Joe, when we heal ourselves everyone gets the blessing.
‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.’ There is no more confirming embrace than that of surrendering as you describe here Adele.
That we are literally held by God is such a simple profound and beautiful experience that is there for all of humanity to feel.
This beholding love that we are all held within…quite amazing when the depth of this is felt.
I have just been listening to a review about a new romantic film called La La Land, to me romantic films often portray Love in such a warped way. Love is a quality which you must have with yourself first before you can love another.
And when we do live a loving quality with ourselves, this becomes the off screen love story that we share with another and in truth with the world, we are re-writing what is a true love story, can’t wait to see that on the big screen one day.
It is the same I think how when we hug or hold another, are we seeking something from the other or can we behold them.
It is confirmation that the way we are with ourselves is the key to all relationships.
An inspiring read Adele. My commitment to my relationship with myself is reflected in all my relationships. Your dedication to developing this relationship with self is extraordinary – so inspiring and a gift to all you encounter.
Beautifully expressed, your words ‘Sometimes I physically let go of another’s hand because I know love is being chosen and nothing can actually be lost.’ When we feel love, there is no need to hang onto a physical gesture because it is already deeply felt.
So beautiful Adele and so supportive of building a deeper relationship with ourselves first .”There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.” Being held by ourselves and others like this feels amazing when reading this beautiful sharing thank you deeply inspirational.
“It simply began with the most direct and physical experience of crisscrossing my hands to touch my two arms in the most delicate and gentle way… and my whole body instantly melted.” I had a similar experinece Adele when I was sitting with myself and feeling that I wanted to be held. There was a moment when I very very tenderly held my face in my hands, and allowed myself to feel the support that was there and always is there for me which came from the delicacy and love that is already within me. It was very beautiful and a moment I often remind myself of when I am feeling that I want to be held by another.
Beautiful Sandra, it’s so inspiring reading these sharings.
Being able to observe the situation and still hold each other in love and understanding is what the whole world is looking for, and it takes someone who has given themselves the same to reflect to others. Beautiful, Willem.
Adele – I too am fast discovering that each moment is a choice to deepen my relationship or not. This is a great blog to support us in appreciating that it is possible to keep developing where we are at – it is a constant way of life where we can be open and willing to keep on exploring and not having a goal of where we get to.
Adele, sometimes there is a wistful feeling that comes over me, as a sense of missing out and wishing to be held. After re reading your sharing I can see that it is up to me to give myself that tenderness , and not look outside of myself for it. For who can love me more than I can.
How much we are willing to give to ourselves without perfection of course, is how much we will be met with in the world and with what quality, beautiful what you have shared Roslyn.
“Do I hold another’s hands wanting them to be with me, or do I hold another’s hands in respect that they will walk at the pace they are comfortable with?” This is beautiful Adele holding someone’s hand and walking at a pace that they are comfortable with, no neediness for someone to be who and what they are not.
When reading your words Adele, there is no doubt in what self-love holds for us, and finding the one love in our life becomes a shadow of what we make it to be, as loving and being absolutely loving with ourselves is then experienced in every moment and shared with everyone.
With first a relationship built deep with ourselves, any couple relationship is a reflection of what the relationship we have with ourselves is really like. Is it open and accepting? Are we always willing to go deeper without holding onto perfection? Do we deepen to understand or do we focus on hurts? It is all a very wondrous discovery of how we have been choosing to live with ourselves and thus how we can then live with another.
I am discovering that it is unrealistic to expect another person to hold me. To do this is to hand myself over and put my power in someone else’s hands. This leaves me power-less. I am learning to accept that whatever someone chooses to do, whether loving or not, I can always choose to hold myself and this is my ultimate responsibility. Having said that, this holding needs to be without protection or guardedness, but fully open to letting love in and out. It is the ultimate expression of love, to hold myself and to allow others freedom to be themselves.
Every feeling of need is my opportunity to feel deeper into what I feel hurt about and what I can then choose differently. Ultimately in love, there is no protection and that is what relationships are assisting us to come to.
I was just reading some of the comments on this blog and felt to add another comment here. It can be ingrained in us to believe that love is being needed and needing, that love is expressed in what we ‘do’ for each other and how we show it, so really stopping and loving ourselves is the only way we can see what is and what is not love. Be love for ourselves first, feel how held we are by love all the time, then feel how we naturally are that with all others regardless of their relationship with us. It cannot be turned on and off. I feel that if I choose to live that for myself in that way, then wow! Let the experiment begin.
One of the most beautiful things being with another person is just being with them, and feeling a depth of love being reflected back, this love in-truth is us.
I have read this blog this morning with fresh eyes, from a body that has been developing that holding with myself, that relationship. I have deepened my awareness of the difference between holding someone and holding onto someone and that is now for me to bring into my daily living till it is a foundation. Thank you Adele.
One of the most amazing things of relationship is when we hold ourselves this holding extends to the people around us and then we return to ourselves to deepen this love, no different from how stars returning to themselves every day and shine again at night.
Holding another in your own graceful love, is really something gorgeous. That holding energy knows how to hold others just so, in a way that completes and confirms so very simply.
For me, the feeling of beholding another in love is of equalness, which is very humbling because sometimes we think we know things others don’t know or they don’t understand, but in love we are equal.
Equalness is the foundation to any loving relationship. It is very beautiful and the only way to truly relate.
Love your sharing about a true relationship Adele, which can have intimacy and a boundless love which naturally shows us what doesn’t belong in the relationship as it stops that quality from being there.
What is it that stops us beholding life and others this way? For I know what you present Adele is super powerful – why don’t I live this way? I head off to have a reaction here, or a drama there, and then a difficulty and a confrontation as desert. But if I just keep and hold a stillness, unfazed by life’s events, I have found they reveal themselves as my friends – not the vicious enemy that I perceive in my head. I can see today how our insecurities lead us to let go of Love when its the very thing that will always support and be true.
Great sharing Joseph
This is great advocacy for prioritising the relationship with ourselves as preparation for a great relationship with another and underpins the notion that we can’t truly love another until we have grown to love, hold and honour ourselves first.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. ‘ What a beautiful way to live when we take this opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves – how full and loving our lives can be with ourselves and with others.
I recently attended a “Stillness in Movement” session with Beverly Carter, during this session we were given a simple exercise to hold (hug) ourselves – i have been practicing this each morning, to be present with myself and offer such a simple gesture has felt hugely powerful – its strikes me how rarely we touch ourselves in this way.
How much love we hold for another is definitely dependent on how much love we hold for ourselves, and when we hold that love, it calls us to go ever deeper, and this is ongoing and very beautiful.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself.’ It’s true, every moment is an opportunity to evolve, the question is, what do we do with all these moments?
Very beautiful Willem. Every person in this world deserves to be held, no matter what. In life we may find this not easy, even though our bodies know the truth to this. What then is an awesome opportunity for us to go back to hold ourselves deeper. We are so deeply precious, we absolutely deserve our utmost care and attention.
What a beautiful blog to read Adele, Thank you.
As I write this on the train there is a gorgeous young girl sitting opposite me, resting on her mother’s knee. Her parents arms wrap around her, rub her back and hold her shoulders tight. From this held place she seems to be taking the whole world in. No wonder we Love this feeling so. Thank you Adele for this reminder that we can gives ourselves this care and hold others in a similar way, just in the way we move and things we say. And well, thank you for holding us this way.
I too have discovered the importance of holding myself, nurturing and honouring my deep preciousness and appreciating all that I divinely am. The outer before long, equals the settlement i feel inside.
My life has totally transformed since I started attending Universal Medicine presentations and having sessions. My life has become much more full and joyous. The quality of love and connection in my relationships is something that I never thought was possible.
True ‘intimacy’ has been a learning curve with myself first and then with others. I feel the deep connection I have with others when our cheeks are touching, the feeling is one of divine connection with each other.
The truth of a relationship is that it offers and offers opportunities for us to live deeper the love that we are. This is a relationship that can happen every moment in our lives when we hold ourselves and every person in this world. It smashes the picture that a relationship is about security of self or of two people, but it is the grandest feeling to keep deepening always in every reflection with ourselves and allow others the spaciousness to feel and make their choices.
How can we love and behold another when we chose not to behold ourselves?
I understand these intimate moments as there is such a loving space that everyone feels. How amazing is the power of love when it holds the space around us and is felt by everyone.
Yeah, great to reveal the true meaning of love and feel how that feels in the body. When you feel the absoluteness of true love for self and others in your body, you cannot ever accept anything less.
It is a beautiful way to express love the way you do with yourself. Love often is known to us as a form of attachment. Great to unravel those ideals and come back to truth, as you did , Adele.
Adele, I love what you have written about ‘self-dating’, it feels gorgeous to treat ourselves in this caring, loving way that we would want to be treated by a partner, but not waiting for someone to come along and give this to us, instead we care for and love ourselves in this way.
I love this reminder to myself Rebecca: There is no waiting in living, as love only loves.
To be able to give ourselves the permission to love ourselves in this way and to take the time to commit and feel we are worth it is a game changer. I know that I have made some beautiful choices in loving myself more and I can also see there are many more I can make and go much deeper with this. The thing is I am starting to appreciate that I am totally worth every second of this relationship and absolutely love it when I am super attentive towards myself which naturally reflects with others.
Great blog Adele are we holding hands or holding on? Your awareness reveals so much to deeply feel. I know in the past I have held on in fear of letting go, and now sharing a moment, a hug, holding hands as love is shared it feels so different and when you feel that love, just walking side by side is all there needs to be, because the love comes from inside out in everything we do.
Thank you Adele for reminding me to feel in hugs, hand holding (and anything people do together) if I or another is attaching or beholding. This is so simple but these are two completely different ways of being together; I can feel how one is love and one is need/not love.
Beautiful.
It’s interesting that we often look for security from our relationships with others when in fact it is what happens in that searching outside of us which creates the feeling of needing security in the first place. Having a loving connection to our own innate stillness inside does not require any security and allows us to bring that to others by reflection.
‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.’ Beautifully said Adele , Love is beholding.
To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies. I can really feel the difference between being held from a need to be rescued or loved back by another, to just surrendering into someone’s embrace purely from your own foundation of love and deep appreciation and connection to God and everyone. I am really appreciating being able to feel that difference.
We are always held by our Soul, we just have to realise it, accept it, and appreciate it. For me to realise this was enormous, and now I never need to feel like life need be a struggle, or I am alone, all I need to do is to build that connection with my Soul and feel the holding of its loving embrace.
So awesome to read this again Adele and reflect how much we can focus our attention and Love on another but forget about this for ourselves first. How can we truly love another if we do not have this connection, appreciation for ourselves. For me I can see there is another level of appreciation I can connect to and embrace this Love for myself.
To deeply surrender and be held by oneself is the crowning glory of being held as one can then have a heart that is fully open to be truly held by another, including God.
It is beautiful to come back and re-read this blog, Adele. For me, surrendering to be held by God is key to evolution, because in His stillness we find our way home, and connect back to everything we have once felt and known but lost touch with along the way.
‘And it is with that I choose the quality of my relationships to be; and that this quality of relationships will come back to meet me.’ Wowsa – this is the key to arresting our reactions to other people not treating us well. We develop the quality of relationships that will return to us.
I love being held too, and Serge Benhayon is the master at this. Not being held in a physical way, being held energetically in absolute love, no matter the physical distant apart we are, always. Now that is true love. And something to deeply aspire to, for I know I am the same and it’s only a matter of time before I live this, in the same way.
We are all on the path of return, whether we realise it or not, and this is something I am aspiring to too. The magnetic pull of God is very strong, there is no getting away from it, even though we resist, numb, distract or dig our heels in along the way. What we are doing is in fact resisting ourselves and therefore our connection to God. When I met Serge Benhayon I knew in my heart that he was the real deal and that his connection to God was so strong that I could not deny it, neither did I want to deny it, because what he was reflecting was my own love and connection to God inside of me, and I am sure you will agree Gyl, it was like a coming home.
Adele, you have so eloquently expressed reconnecting, by way of surrender, to a relationship with your soul. Not anyone else, no distractions, but to explore what this means for you. I got so much from readying your blog, very inspiring.
To behold oneself is a key factor in deepening our relationship with ourselves as well as others, as you have so beautifully shared in this blog Adele. I love the part where you talk about beholding as being a part where we surrender completely to the Grace of God, for this is true surrender and ‘equips’ us to be in life as an observer and hence allowing us to see it all, whilst still being held with the grandest warmth that encompasses us so tenderly, giving us the capacity to handle everything around us no matter what.
When love is chosen nothing can be lost–how freeing that is so we do not have to pander or measure ourselves to fit in or to be liked, we just have to be love, and those who have lived love will recognise it. Those who are to remember it, will receive the reflection. This I am discovering to be the true foundation of relationships.
Adele since understanding what “beholding” is it has changed my life, my understanding of love, support and how to hold another with that quality has completely changed. I used to think a relationship was with another and what they gave me, not an equal beholding of one another in support our evolution.
I love the practical exercise that you chose to support this relationship with yourself. I particularly like the sound of recording and taking selfies as a way of expressing in an area where you wouldn’t be so open with and it is one that I am keen to give a go as I can feel the potential of what it offers us. Thanks for sharing.
The interpretation I used to hold around love was something that can be very painful and seems like a lot of hard work. This I have come to understand is the emotional kind of love that is empty and continually needs filling up to feel any kind of acceptance or love from another. Thank-fully as you share so very divinely here Adele, love is an emanation, and never is it something you give to another or receive. It’s an emanation that is held and you hold another within this essence, of which they have equally within also. How that love feels is a million miles away from the emotional kind.
In the daily affairs in life, whenever we get affected by our own choices to not hold ourselves, we can always without fail come back to hold ourselves again. Those choices we have made to not hold ourselves, again they are actually asking us if we are willing despite that, to still hold ourselves, thus building and deepening the foundation we already have.
You have so beautifully shown how deep we can go in our relationship with ourselves and truly hold ourselves in love, and only through this can we bring that quality to another.
Adele, this is very beautiful, ‘ The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’ I can feel how gorgeous it is to treat ourselves in this way – to truly love, adore and cherish ourselves, it seems in life we often find it easier to cherish and take care of others and that we often do not give this same level of care and adoration to ourselves, so I love what you are sharing here and can feel how important and life changing it would be if we focus on how we are with ourselves and love and adore ourselves first.
Holding myself deeply is the way I would like to be treated by another if I am going through a big transition, with space and grace to allow myself to come to my own conclusions, and thus, this is the same way I will give to myself. I am my own most loving partner in life.
I’m reading this feeling quite tired today at the end of the day and it’s reminding me of just how I want to be, Ruth: myself – deeply loving and nurturing and to let myself deeply rest into my own love.
To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies. How beautiful is this Adele, when we are in rhythm with our bodies and the rhythm of all things, it’s like everything you do is a dance with your soul and heaven, as your only rhythm.
I love the blessing that each moment is an opportunity to deepen that level of connection with ourselves and feel the much wider support that is on offer.
Developing true understanding feels like key in truly being able to hold ourselves and others in love.
“And it is with that I choose the quality of my relationships to be; and that this quality of relationships will come back to meet me.” This is beautiful Adele. It reminds me of the gravity law, ‘what goes up must come down’
This blog oozes so much love, so much inspiration to let ourselves be deeply held… thank you Adele for the warmth and preciousness you are now sharing with the world.
I love the commitment and connection you have to yourself Adele, it is truly inspiring to one who often struggles with self-love and esteem.
Really when you look at it, what right do we actually have to hold back something that is not for us but for everyone equally, as love just knows how to be love, and doesn’t have a gauge or and off switch so why do we?
Love is love to all and in any situation,when it is love that is expressed from within.
What a great understanding and how lovely to deepen your care and relationship with yourself, ‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’
And it is with that I choose the quality of my relationships to be; and that this quality of relationships will come back to meet me. So true Adele, the quality that we put out comes back to us in the most gorgeous of ways, confirming our true nature on its return.
My eyes ‘well’ as I read your beautiful and divine description of being held, such a powerful message for me;
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies”.
Reading this is so healing. How is it I’ve thought loving myself came second best to being loved by another when I am love? How beautiful to return and allow myself to be held in God’s love and to not shy away from treating myself with the preciousness and delicacy -no matter how it’s felt to be honest about how brutal I’ve been with myself.
If we know how to hold ourselves with all the love that we are, when we hold and are held by another we bring that to the relationship. There is no need anymore for the other to hold us up, and there is no sense of loss if the other is gone. Holding one another becomes a confirmation of what is already present: the love we are.
This is deeply inspiring Adele, allowing ourselves to behold ourselves in full is something that needs building. And I feel blessed by the support that is offered in this blog, and all other blogs sharing from the lived experience.
Adele this is very cool and shows that it is possible for you to find love in yourself first before expecting it from another. We can be invested in other people giving us love, but then we set ourselves up to not claim it for ourselves. But what you have done here is developed a relationship with yourself and love where you can’t be let down by another because you are already everything.
The beholding of myself is not always sweet and cozy, sometimes it is deeply exposing and uncomfortable, at times it may even be like my whole world is shaken up in re-correction, but it is whether at all times I can hold myself unconditionally to forever feel deeper what truth is expressing to me that I find the relationship of myself deepening in strength and steadiness.
Holding ourselves is an energetic quality that literally pours out of us and around us for everyone to feel and experience to be held in the presence of someone who lives this love for themselves has been in my experience body altering, in some people’s presence my heart literally skips a beat – amazing.
Such a gorgeous blog Adele. I have never read such a beautiful description being held and behold. And to know that it all begins with the quality we give ourselves.
The holding we have for ourselves is a monumentally important part of life. The foundation that it lays is there to support us in the challenging times, and in the daily joy of being who we are.
I am really starting to realise how much this is lacking within me. I often find myself contracting, and walking in tension just because I don’t hold myself. Thank you for the sharing and the beautiful eye opener!
Sometimes the greatest beholding is to let go, to give ourselves and others more space to feel, confirm and consolidate.
Thanks, Adele. I love hearing about the different rituals you have incorporated into your day to nurture and confirm you, and how this naturally extends out to others, bringing love and intimacy into the little everyday moments.
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” This is a beautiful article offering so much wisdom to how we feel and the support we can all give ourselves and others through our deep connection with ourselves first and thus with everyone we meet.
Gorgeous to return to this Adele, and feel how when we meet another in the fullness of who we are, from the love we hold for ourselves, we are confirming the love we are, the love we are from and the love we belong to. A celebration of our oneness, confirming who we are.
I love this Adele, ‘it is very beautiful to care for ourselves in this way, this is very lovely for our bodies and our sense of self worth, ‘I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.’
In my early 20’s I have often searched for relationships with others in order to fill the intimacy that I felt I was missing in my life. This blog is a poignant reminder that the searching from the outside is what leaves us in an endless cycle of wondering and asking why can’t I find that special one when a true relationship comes from the connection with oneself first.
It is essential to be love to our selves first, I love that you make it such a practical expression like holding yourself!
“holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone” – aptly stated Adele, attachment is no substitute for true love.
Attachment is misunderstood to be love presently in this world, because we have not truly experienced what love is and we are all aching to return to this very natural and innate part of us. We cannot teach or force another to love, we can only be love and allow that to emanate.
That is so true Adele, not to forget to mention that we are in contact with ourselves everyday and that having a relationship with yourself is actually very needed in order to then walk life from.. It is actually pretty crazy that until recently I never thought that I have a relationship with myself and or that it is so important.. Can you imagine how far away I was from myself that I did not even consider a relationship with myself? But so good I do now. Thank you Adele for sharing now.
It is beautiful to feel your delicacy and grace Adele, your consistent dedication to truth and love, and to living a quality of life that is available to us all. Taking your trust and joy out into the world to share with others – what a blessing for Hong Kong and for us all!
I love how you describe the difference between holding onto and beholding Adele. This difference is the key to true love which is beholding of and not holding onto someone.
It is the same when we try to hold onto ourselves, there is a fear in it that somehow ways we can’t hold on, but we have to try. When we are beholding of ourselves, there is an all encompassing love that has no judgement and supports us in the essence of who we are.
‘But there is an absolute knowing within me that any tricky situation in life means I have the support to find my way out of it.’ – I love the absoluteness of this statement Adele, no matter how much we might try to jeopardize it or override and distract ourselves from it… we are all equipped with this inner knowing.
I feel that what we love most about a relationship is being held for who we are, yes we may have some behaviours and issues which stop us sometimes, but knowing that we are seen is something very supportive for a relationship and self confidence.
Sometimes it can be beholding simply to accept myself in how I feel and where I am rather than struggling against myself – it is something so worth doing, a beautiful way we can love ourselves.
When I hold myself in a deeply loving way it is then very natural to be this way with others, knowing they too are feeling everything.
The quality of a beholding energy is very beautiful and deeply nurturing. Why not then bring it to ourselves?
I recently had a conversation with a friend of mine, where she asked me if, as a single person, I ever feel the want for someone such as a partner to hold or love me. I stopped and considered it for a moment, and realised how much has changed for me around this recently. Although I have a long way to go, I know I used to often deeply crave and desire to have a partner as someone in my life to love me, to hold me and adore me, give me attention and care – basically I wanted someone else to come along and give me everything I was not willing to give myself – talk about high expectations and pressure. Now, more and more I am exploring taking care of myself, loving and holding myself and giving myself the attention or a better word would be intimacy, so I fill myself up. And then when I get the crave or niggle of want, I use it as a marker that a deeper level of relationship with myself is being asked for. Now, I have a greater love for myself than ever before and it is forever deepening which I can now share with everyone, and with another should I meet someone I feel to be with – not driven from that need, but from actually feeling a potential.
Choosing the quality of love I want from and for myself is something to be very aware of. It is a beautiful exercise to truly deeply, love yourself, hold yourself and feel the quality and openness of that relationship. This is then imprinted on us. Nothing less will do.
Have you ever seen a young child sleep, absolutely relaxed and surrendered in the arms of a parent like they grew and were born, just to snuggle and to be there, without a care? Your words here Adele remind me how this doesn’t have to be something fleeting we leave behind for good, to reach adulthood. There is a way to feel this in ourselves each and every day. If we but give ourselves the grace of breathing our breath and connection to our body and the world then we can see this holding way to be is constantly available to you and me. All we need to do is choose it, for it to be. Reading your words I get today that whether or not we understand, that we are always held by God this way.
I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself. It’s such a gorgeous feeling when we support and confirm ourselves through our everyday movements and actions, and back ourselves with our own love.
Wow Adele – to hold ourselves in such a way means we would have no need for another to make us feel safe. So much of relationships has been about what can the other person give me, but if we are to love and adore ourselves to the point where we do not need another, then when we have a partner, we would only compliment each other and not have a game of needs, That is pretty powerful.
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” As you say, Adele, we generally look to others for this as in most cases it is because we learnt this being held as a child because we were not met ‘in our fullness’ and lost trust in our own connection with God. Returning to that connection as you describe is such a joy and healing.
Dear Adele, I love the way you speak of your time of being single as a period of grace. It so often can be just that – not a time to feel bad because you don’t have a relationship (an arrangement) happening but a space to connect, reassess and expand one’s relationship to self, life and others. And of course we are always in relationship with everything, and can be aware of that, no matter whether we are with a partner or not.
Beautiful title, beautiful blog…
I just got exposed how non-appreciative or even harsh or unloving the way I speak about myself can be at times – specially when I think I am being honest. And I can see how this is actually leaking itself out into the way I speak to others and how I use niceness to cover this and how horrible the whole thing feels. I am being reminded how important it truly is to keep bringing love into the way I am with myself first and foremost.
We are forever held in the hands of God and never are we not held. Our ‘fall’ away from such beholding love is merely an illusion, for although we can let go of God, Our Father can never let go of us.
This is such a beautiful tender blog Adele. I feel blessed having read it this morning and the lovely holding that I now feel of myself is what I take into my day.
There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.
When you feel this kind of love, you never want the emotional and needy kind ever again, it just doesn’t cut it.
It is so true we can experience being held in or out of a relationship depending on our beholding ourselves as a divine spark in essence and not holding that back.
“There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.” A beautiful word ‘beholding’ the tender and delicate quality and at the same time I feel the strength and power emanating through love.
The relationship that I have been exploring for the last 7 months has just come to an end. We are parting with a shared understanding and so much love. The honesty we have reached is awesome, and we both feel completely honored in the letting go. There is a holding in this that is quite simply beautiful.
Beautifull awareness Adele – you take us back to a place where love is what it is.
I would agree Adele that holding hands is a very special and loving gesture, heart to heart. This is such a beautiful and inspirational sharing Adele, your genuine love and tenderness comes through. I absolutely trust what you share here as the truth.
I absolutely love to hold myself. There”s nothing more special than holding myself. On the last weekend I was talking to a dear friend of mine and she shared that she could feel how much fear I hold within my body to accept and embody my own light and love. Her words were resonating within and I could feel how I’ve not felt safe for as long as I can remember. To be honest, it actually feels as if I don’t know anything else. After a lot of different choices in the last 6, 7 years I’m now allowing myself to surrender more deeply to myself and investigate that what I’ve been burrying for such a long time. And surrendering to the love of dear people close to me is such a great support. The grandness of it is almost too huge to be able to express in words. To be held. Three simple words, but the power and knowing that are contained within these words are enormous. And… within everyone:-).
It is crazy that we would expect another to treat us with the love and intimacy we are not giving ourselves… and would we in truth be open to receiving such love. Connecting to the love within us and honouring that relationship, takes any need or expectation that it comes from outside of us. We can then truly enjoy each other.
Very lovely to feel the quality of love and care you hold yourself in Adele. Building the relationship we have with us, is the one we then share with others.
Love the recorded messages…
I can feel the intimacy in your words Adele, it comes through your expression and into my body, a marker of Self love and the deeply tender relationship you are living and beholding to be felt by all.
‘But there is an absolute knowing within me that any tricky situation in life means I have the support to find my way out of it’. This sentence felt very confirming for me today, as I am not so happy in my current job, and now I can feel and hear the impulse to change jobs and that all the support is there for me.
Our relationships begin with developing our own true quality for it is what we live that will return to us. The relationship we have with ourselves sets the foundation for all other relationships, be that a true and loving relationship with ourselves that confirms and appreciates all that we are or a relationship based on need, emotion and emptiness.
What I love about beginning to develop this beholding of myself, is the way it changes my relationships with others – beginning to feel the possibility of that holding reaching out to hold them as well.
I love this too Rebecca, the more tender and gentle I am with myself, this is how I am with others, and the judging of others I have gone into is slowly being replaced with understanding.
‘we want and crave to be held, to once again feel this security that we know, a feeling where our hearts and bodies simply drop into and deepen, in connection to our Soul.’ This sentence confirms the absolute power we have when we commit to our relationship with ourselves in a truly intimate way, and align with our soul. Magic then is a given.
We are not victims of fate, we are creators of fate.
I have learnt to hold myself with a tenderness that is melting and heart warming. Not only is this in itself very beautiful but what is amazing is that it has also made it really clear to me that I have no needs stepping into a relationship… there is no fixing to be done, simply the sharing of a foundation of tenderness, love and care.
Its so true Adele that ‘holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.’ The second one is about personal need rather that the person. The first one is unimposing and loving. I have had to learn this in my relationship with my children in particular.
Your comment about supporting yourself in the way you speak struck me Adele. I had not considered that before. And I do like the idea of sending people voice messages rather than written ones. A more personal communication, and a chance to practice as you say speaking in truth, with presence and from your whole being.
“There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.”
This is beautiful Adele and such a gift to realise and share. The true relationship with ourselves with God as all we are and bringing this into our lives in all the details and honouring is pure divinity .
I love the way you describe “we know no matter what happens we are safe.” we are safe, there is no need to fight our awareness, tenderness, sensitivity, light or love anymore – there is nothing to fight for, it is time we can actually just be, we don’t have to hide or shy away, just simply live truth and what we have always known. With no need to convert or persuade or justify to anybody. There is so much love we are held in, every single day. A huge body and sphere of love from God, way much bigger and stupendous than I feel many of us may realise, and it’s surrendering to that – to trust – we are supported in every single way. This can be something hard to fathom out and let go of, this constant drive and need thinking it comes from us, if we have lived life a long time from protection and our head. Life is actually really really simple, joyful and spacious when we choose to live from love. And far less exhausting too.
The tenacity and commitment of finding a true way out of any tricky situation in life builds on the understanding of the mechanics of life and the deeper understanding of why I am here on earth and what it means to be a human being, this experience is wondrous (not easy though at times) and forever inspiring me to expand in awareness as well as in the re-commitment and relationship to life.
There is so much emphasis on us having to be in a relationship today, and if you are not you are often thought of as being slightly unusual. But what you are sharing here Adele is something that I know to be true for myself, that we do not have to be ‘in a relationship’ with another to be or to feel held. We are all indeed held by God all of the time, and to know and to allow oursleves to really feel this is one of the greatest and most precious gifts we can ever be given.
The relationship with Divinity is the foundation to all the relationships with physicality.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ This is so utterly important Adele – appreciation and love for oneself, and building that relationship.
Adele, its great to come back to your article, this stands out, ‘we want and crave to be held, to once again feel this security that we know, a feeling where our hearts and bodies simply drop into and deepen, in connection to our Soul.’ It feels gorgeous that we can give this to ourselves by holding ourselves, that we need not be reliant on others, how very lovely and empowering.
The quality in which we hold our selves allows us to see the quality in others. It is with this quality of precious we move forward in life and make choices.
I came across this blog at a time when I felt that the best support I could provide myself was to hold on to who I am and what I bring in the last few days. This supportive read is a great reminder of the relationship I have with myself and how this has been built on a foundation of love that allows me to fall back on when times are challenging.
It is very inspiring to read what you share here Adele. Bringing it all back to the quality of how you treat yourself in all the little moments is so precious.
“There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.” with this statement I can see how we can instantly feel love towards a ‘stranger’ because when we are in connection to ourselves we are ultimately in connection to all others, we know with out doubt we are all the same no matter what the outside is displaying.
What you have described here Adele takes away all of the beliefs that we have to be in a relationship in order to be happy and fulfilled, and if we don’t have that then there is this judgement that there is something wrong with us.
I recently discovered how attached I still am to people being a certain way, and go into a hurt when they act differently. It seems to be an old pattern of avoiding fully claiming myself in the love that I know I am, by making it about others rather than being in the joy of my own living ways and choices. Thank you, Adele, for helping me deepen my understanding of this.
Beholding ourselves in deep relationship is a world-wide matter. Imagine if everyone from their culture beholds themselves in love and start re-imprinting the meeting with ourselves. Just imagine how the world would look like when every culture begins to return to self-love, it is a much bigger picture than a personal relationship, but this then has to start right there at the heart of the matter, with ourselves, and lived consistently with all aspects of life, there is no other way but to re-imprint with patience one step at a time, but when we do, the impact is moving the whole world.
lt seems we can behold when we feel full and we begin holding onto when we feel empty. This is a great marker for me.
At first I thought the idea of dating oneself was a little strange, but then realised it makes sense- to bring the level of love, care and honouring to yourself that you would love to have in a relationship. When it is built in this way then you don’t go into a relationship needing the other person to fill something for you- it is much more honouring for you both. I have done it the other way, of needing a man to fill a void for me and it didn’t work- it was an imposition on him and was also dishonouring of myself.
I love the idea of being single as a period of grace to deepen and explore your relationship with yourself, if this was widely acknowledged who then would not love being single?
Yes, Meg, I have found that it can be a really healthy choice to be single for a period of time to deepen the loving connection we have with ourselves. This is then a blessing we can take to all of our relationships.
Great sharing Adele and this is so spot on – ‘ I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ – When I first heard this I scoffed at it thinking it was nonsense… Then I actually got to feel what this truly meant and that the more I deepened this relationship with myself the more awareness that this fullness just expands and gets bigger and bigger. Universal Medicine presents the truth and the ‘how to’ connect to yourself at this level and live in your day-to-day naturally and harmoniously in such practical way. I just adore it when I surrender to All of who I Am.
For some time I resisted deepening my relationship with myself, because I could feel in the letting go and surrender an opening up and vulnerability that would have me thinking I’d want to be in a relationship again — notions of neediness would come into my sphere of thought. What I’ve since realised is that all that was a bit of a decoy, from the surrender my body has been longing for, and that I’ve been longing for. It’s melting into me, and yes – from there, I know the quality of relationships I have then will let me melt also because that is the baseline as it were that i give to myself first. We avoid intimacy because we avoid our beauty…. and the sheer simplicity this brings to our lives. There is nothing to fight, nothing to focus emotional energy on and have a drama, there is simply the beauty within, emanating in its warmth and love – and this, is what we avoid.
It is beautiful to want to be in a relationship again, what is beautiful is the honesty, even if there is need or imperfection, it is always beautiful to be able to say yes, I will not hold back how I feel this moment in all my imperfection and I will also express it without apology and reservation.
What a great exploration and deepening of what the depth of relationship can be with ourselves. I especially loved the line ‘holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone’. It is a great gift to let go of that need that we so often bring to relationships with another because we have not really felt what it is like to truly be with ourselves.
‘And it is with that I choose the quality of my relationships to be; and that this quality of relationships will come back to meet me’. All that we create and chose comes back to meet us at some point, sometimes we miss the reflection, so the reflection gets stronger to help us open our eyes. We have so much support available to us when we are ready and willing to face ourselves.
“And therefore when I chose to be single I committed to finding out ways that I could hold myself, much like being held by a person that I trusted” – agree Adele, and imagine if as matter of course before we entered into relationships with another, that this commitment to self-study was encouraged by our families we grew up in, our school teachers and further education professors… one word – harmony, and to be present then in ALL relationships. Worth doing.
Holding oneself no matter what the situation is, is the rebuilding of trust with ourselves, a solid foundation to hold a relationship in.
I couldn’t agree more about the depth of love shared and expressed in the holding of hands Adele. My husband and I have always had a deep connection in holding hands – everything about our relationship is and can be conveyed in the way we hold hands… It is a deeply, deeply beautiful expression of love and confirmation of all that we are, always.
This is deeply beautiful Adele. To develop such a treasured relationship with ‘you’ – no matter what. In the knowing that it is all of this – all of ‘you’ – that you then bring to another.
The deeper we go in such relationship with ourselves, the deeper our capacity to truly hold another in love – for all that he or she is – and not our projected unrequited needs onto that person. Needs and ‘attachments’ as you rightly say, that are only born of voids remaining within the self.
You have said much here about the richest learning ground there is – relationships. Thank-you. I love every word…
Ditto Victoria, in terms of appreciating what Adele has shared and opened up for us. I would like to add big appreciation to you for what you have said about relationships being the ‘richest learning ground there is’ – a point of inspiration for me today.
I once went to a workshop where the female presenter introduced self hugging which I thought at the time was so cute. If she needed time out at work she would give herself a moment and hug herself. I hadn’t thought much about it since then but this blog has made me think I may at times give it a try.
If we all could take the time to be with ourselves with gentleness, tenderness and love as you have shown here Adele, all of our future relationships would be so much stronger with the need taken out of the picture. With stronger more loving relationships the world can only be a better place.
Lovely to re read your blog and be inspired by the ways in which you hold yourself. It does feel so lovely to have that support from another, but as you said this is something that we can do for ourselves all the time. Thank you.
It’s beautiful to feel that we are beholders of ourselves. To believe that we can only love out is an illusion so many of us have chosen to be fooled by. But as you exquisitely share Adele, we can hold ourselves with true love and be beholders of ourselves.
I am learning what it means to behold another. When we behold another we let them be themselves without there being any need for them to be anything other than who they are. It is very beautiful.
Since reading Adele’s blog I have crisscrossed my hands to touch my arms many times, the first time was exquisite… I felt held by me. It was beautiful and often now holding myself in this way happens naturally either to confirm me or when I feel to have support to help me to surrender.
When I let go of another’s hands knowing love will never be lost, this has to be expressed for the growth of space and expansion. Expression supports our movement, when both are from Truth, we move deeper back to Truth.
As I prepare myself for bed, I have come back to this blog to remind me that there is a far deeper level of self love yet to be explored. Thank you for your inspiration Adele, to look deeper into the way we hold ourselves.
Surrender is a forever deepening process – the more we surrender to the Love we are, the more we expand the Universe.
What I got from reading this again is how I felt a bit uncomfortable and ‘gosh I haven’t got time for that’! when you were talking about the relationship you have with yourself, the walks in the morning etc. This was recently exposed to me a few days ago when after a long drive on a beautifull day I felt like going for a walk but immediately thought ‘I haven’t got time for that’!!! Needless to say this awareness of ‘I haven’t got time for that!’ then prompted me to give myself the time to go for a walk ???? I know my relationship with myself has evolved but it’s great to catch and nominate the ingrained thoughts, beliefs and patterns we have that we feel on some level we are ‘not worth it’ or ‘haven’t got the time’.
When we say we haven’t got the time to do something for ourselves that is truly supportive what we are really saying is I’m not worth it. As you mention Vicky, it is great to catch these old ingrained thoughts and beliefs so that we can choose differently in the belief that we are worth it!
There is no feeling like holding myself. If I rely on another to hold me I give my power away and I am not fully there for myself. I feel empowered when I hold myself, and I have no need for anything from anyone else. I then have something to share rather than always wanting something to fill the gap.
Reading this I am reminded in the fact that my partner and I hold hands since the day we connected and chose to go together through life. It is like we would say: I am here, with you. It is a commitment. We go together. Its something we can come back to when we got lost and it is also to deepen what we have built, like a confirmation. This is something I have to do first with me I guess, to commit to me, hold myself so I can count on me. If not I would take the other’s hand to get something I need, but nobody can give us what we hold back. We are everything already – it just needs the space to unfold, expressed and expand again. To hold ourselves is good way to make this space.
What a beautiful expression of self love, Adele. You have taken self love to a deeper level and this is very inspiring.
This is beautiful Adele, I will take this into my day, ‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’
“I found was with the experience of holding myself, it is very natural to then hold another, both energetically and physically.” In life we are constantly looking for others to prop us up, to make us feel loved, valued and generally good about ourselves… at least this was my experience. At never any time did anyone share with me that it was the most powerful thing to hold myself first, to be in a relationship with myself first and to love myself first. What a complete turn around. Rather than being from a place of need; being in a relationship from this foundation brings a strength and a holding which allows this to support another with.
Adele this is a deeply inspiring blog, learning to love and nurture ourselves is key as you point out here in developing the capacity to love another. With the foundation of a deeply loving relationship with ourselves to reflect to others we are offering all of us supporting others to express all of them.
There is so much simple wisdom in this blog, Adele – “I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.” It is this fullness that we all miss, and it is too often the case that we look to others/other things to fill an emptiness that we can so easily clear when we honour and cherish ourselves as you have described here.
Holding hands is so important when it feels right between people, I love the feeling of it.
When surrender into ourselves, into the love that we are, our love naturally emanates. It is felt and seen through every movement we make, it simply oozes out of us, In that, we pull towards us the quality of relationships with others we will have — a simple fact of like seeking like.
My feeling is my first relationship has to start with the love I hold myself in. This I do to the best of my ability. If I hold anyone lesser than what I feel towards myself then I know that the energy I am in is less than who I truly am.
Very beautiful Adele and worth so many re-reads. Appreciating the beholding of ourselves and then another feels exquisite.
This is a beautiful blog Adele, thank you for sharing your love with all of us. I am beginning to understand what it is to feel held by myself, and in holding myself I can truly hold another, without the attachment of holding onto them which can come from neediness and feels entirely different.
There are so many pictures and expectations we hold in our relationships. The more I let go of these, the more I can be myself and the more I can allow others the grace and space of their own choices.
Holding hands with another is a very beautiful way to show someone that you love them. It is a very tender and loving thing to do and confirms a true connection between two people, regardless of whether or not they are in a physical relationship together.
‘And it is with that I choose the quality of my relationships to be; and that this quality of relationships will come back to meet me.’ It really is as simple as appreciating the enormity of responsibility we hold in our relationship with ourselves, as equal to our relationship with everything else in the Universe.
This is very beautiful and has offered a way of loving ourselves deeply in a way that I have not considered before. What a gorgeous idea to ‘date ourselves’ Adele. This is something I can plan to bring into my life and to build and deepen my love.
After reading this blog the first time around I became more aware of the quality of when I hold hands with another. Coming back has allowed me a moment to stop and consider: Do I hold hands to enjoy their touch or do I hold on in need? Do I hold on when I don’t feel to hold hands? And in the quality I feel in another’s touch, do I judge or expect a different hold or walk with them allowing them to be where they are at?
It’s amazing how if we work with our own relationship it supports further relationships and those of others. Thank you Adele.
Right on Leigh, everything I do including holding hands will now be in consideration of what energy am I in!
Recently I’ve been exploring a new relationship, and I’ve identified how hard I find it at times to hold myself. It’s so easy to put the relationship first instead of me. When I do this I literally lose myself, and there is no ‘me ‘ to relate to. I then look to my partner to hold me. It’s the ultimate way to give my power away.
The most powerful way to find out about relationships is to live them, to truly live them.
True, nothing else suffices. No other way to live if evolution is our choice.
I just gave it a go….”It simply began with the most direct and physical experience of crisscrossing my hands to touch my two arms in the most delicate and gentle way… and my whole body instantly melted. With this I had the simple confirmation that I can hold myself, I can give this back to myself.” What a blessing that we can offer ourselves the love and care that many of us have so long sought from outside.
What a gift to humanity this blog about holding one’s self is Adele! You touch an exquisite aspect of life and being human that offers a step into the soul. A wonderful teacher!
To be aware that I am held by God is the greatest treasure. No one and no situation can take that away. He is always there, no matter what is happening, waiting patiently for me, and for everyone.
It is an absolutely huge discovery to understand you can hold others. Not just with your hands and arms, but with your heart. Just to see and receive them, understand them, and feel Love is something amazing you can feel. Just as all our minor irritations, frustrations and judgements can easily be felt, so too can this quality of care in you. What you show so delicately Adele is that when we do this we hold ourselves too, because we are this care, the understanding deeper than trust. We are born to behold: to be and hold the quality of universal divinity we know.
A great calling for us to go deeper with ourselves, to honour ourselves to the detail in every moment in the true quality we are and deserve.
Sometimes when we think we’re seeking intimacy or closeness in any relationship (not just a partnership) we’re actually seeking security, and our need to ‘belong’ can lead to a relationship based on images, expectations or ideals rather than love. Your blog very beautifully shows that without this ‘need’ we can actually have an amazing and ‘beholding’ relationship with ourselves and that it doesn’t require another person to have true connection.
I love the term “self-dating” when it is about truly holding ourselves first and foremost and don’t seek that confirmation from the outside. Whatever then comes, whether it be so-called ‘positive’ or ‘negative’, even though it might affect us, cannot really shake us because we are steady and solid within.
In my own job I am responsible for holding the service that the company I work for provides and this is a perfect reminder that there is so much support in doing this when I work on the holding myself in my way of living first.
My own Livingness is now the most important part that I can share in any relationship!
The Esoteric Breast Massage beholds women in such a way that they can surrender to their innate beauty, delicateness and divinity.
Adele, I love your articles, this really stands out for me, ‘There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.’ This is great for me to ponder on, I can feel how allowing another to be and not being attached to them being a certain way is love, simply holding them in love – very gorgeous.
Being able to hold oneself, as you describe Adele, is such a strength but which is not hard or forceful. Instead it is open, loving and a true foundation from which to hold another.
Just love looking at this photo, feeling the quality of holding oneself literally, there’s such contentment with self-sufficiency about it. Fragile yet with great strength and power. Such is a beholding.
Every time I put expectations on someone without being aware, and experience the repercussions of such a choice, I appreciate the reminder to return to beholding myself deeper. There is no perfection in this, and it is always showing me another point to deepen the relationship with myself. It is a step by step process of rebuilding trust with myself, and therefore with others too. It is a process of re-correcting attachment back to love.
Yes, it is very important and useful to remember that we ARE love, as we are. We are also a few other things but they are not really us, they are just hanging around. When we are who we are, we are simply love.
Last night I went to bed unsettled after having had a heated situation with someone that left me feeling a bit rattled. In my sleep the dreams that came were reflecting back to me that feeling of being unsafe, wandering about in the day, and dreading the next twist and turn I needed to take. I knew this feeling of old, even though I hadn’t felt it for quite some time.
I realised that in allowing the reaction and toxicity that I let in throughout the day, and the hardening that ensued, I couldn’t hold myself because i hadn’t acknowledged what had happened. I hadn’t acknowledged the fragility within me and the simple fact I had been shaken — and hence the dreams to reflect this lack of beholding.
True safety comes from holding ourselves no matter what. From expressing to ourselves first and then to others how we feel, honouring the fragility that we are and feel.
It is a beautiful thing to feel that the quality of relationship that we have with our selves is what we also give to those around us and hence what will come back to us too. However, at the same time it can also be confronting – if we feel another cutting us off or being distant, it is important to consider that we may have reached a point in our own development that is asking of us to go ‘deeper’ in our relationship with self. This is a great reflection and reminder, and a wonderful way to constantly keep growing and evolving with self and all.
becoming our greatest love, our truest support and friend is the key to bringing truth to our lives and relationships with all.
It’s beautiful to come back to this article. There can be no lovelier thing than to love ourselves in the way that you describe Adele. I am inspired to deepen the love I have for myself…to expect someone else to love me in this way seems odd to me now if I don’t apply this to myself first.
This blog is so powerful, Adele, and I can relate to every word. I am finally giving myself what I have expected to get from others my whole life. It feels amazing to continually deepen this relationship with myself, knowing that it is only through truly honouring me first that my love will naturally and joyfully spill out into all relationships.
I love the idea of treating myself the way we often expect a partner to treat us, with love and attention and care – to learn who we are in detail, what makes us feel connected and full, giving ourselves the love we deserve.
I have been getting classes of little kids to give themselves a little hug and they love it, I feel its really important to know we are able to give ourselves love rather than seeking it outside of ourselves.
This is exquisite Adele, the tenderness of your words are felt and reflect your capacity to hold yourself and others.
This is very inspiring Adele, I love holding hands but ‘Do I hold another’s hands wanting them to be with me, or do I hold another’s hands in respect that they will walk at the pace they are comfortable with?’ is something to be honest about, do I need to hold hands? ‘Sometimes I physically let go of another’s hand because I know love is being chosen and nothing can actually be lost.’ Very true and I experience when I walk with my partner without holding hands there is a chosen rhythm that feels very powerful and emanates the quality of love and unity.
Adele, this is such a gorgeous article to read, I love this, ‘But there is an absolute knowing within me that any tricky situation in life means I have the support to find my way out of it.’ I have been feeling lately how much I can and do support myself, every morning I hold myself before I get out of bed and I love feeling how I can hold myself all day no matter what the situation, it feels lovely to know that I can look after myself in the way I would a baby or young child and that I do not need to look to others for this support because I can fully give it to myself.
“….it is simply feeling another and myself at all times…”
Sometimes it is difficult to feel another and me because so much hurt is coming up. But when I commit to not going into the hurt, there is so much healing that occurs for the other and me.
To commit to not going into the hurt feels so momentous to attempt. However to ‘behold’ ourselves is to be made whole. It’s the only true path out of the hurt. and subsequent misery.
I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself. This feeling of being full of ourselves is key to feeling safe and knowing that no matter what happens we have the resources and the support to flow through it.
Very true jacqmcfadden04. It is a feeling of loveliness and safety that guides my movements in the day, these choices may seem ‘unconventional’ to the public eye, but it makes total sense from the point of view of the entire body.
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” From experience, it has taken me sometime to allow myself to feel this place of deep surrender, but the more I give myself permission to feel it, the more naturally and simply I find it is there. To feel this, we are being asked to show our vulnerability and when we have lived lives that have been focused on protecting everything about the way we live, this can initially be hugely challenging. But the more open we become the more we are able to realise that the ‘prtoection’ is not actually protecting us, but building a barrier between ourselves and everybody around us. Qutie the oppostie of what we think it is doing!
I have been single for a number of years now and it has been a blessing for the space this has provided to deepen the relationship with myself, to deepen the connection with my body, and learn how to express from my body ( and not from my head), which is still ongoing and continually developing. This is all great preparation for a relationship that is perhaps looming round the corner……
I also find that when the picture of being single and all its current connotations can be let go, there is actually no separation in being single and not single, as a relationship is always happening and it is carried everywhere we are, it cannot be singled out as an individual thing at all.
Thank-you deeply Adele, what you express here is exactly what I needed to hear. Yes, a relationship with ourselves is a relationship with everyone, they are one and the same and happening at the same moment.
I keep coming back time and time again to this blog – to the reminder that it all starts back with my relationship with me – the most important thing and yet so often the very thing I put to one side and ignore.
Thank you Adele for such a beautiful beholding sharing, “There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.” I am inspired to hold myself more deeply. “There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.”
It feels like ‘holding ourselves’ is to take responsibility – to care for ourselves and to be aware of our every movement rather than getting through life on auto-pilot. Adele what you share here is a very beautiful relationship – to surrender and then be open to others. It feels like a relationship we don’t see much of in this world – and I really love how you make this so simple to do – a choice we all have.
I love this how it is expressed “There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.” To see someone for who they really are, to feel the same grandness and divinity in ourselves and honouring that, is natural beholding.
I love the word ‘beholding’. It is not a word that is used very often but it captures something really beautiful that inspires me – to hold another in a way that let’s them be, allowing them to learn and grow, knowing that they are supported at all times.
Adele- such a beauty-full and inspiring blog to read. I feel held by a quality of love so exquisite, reminding me of the quality I too choose and express throughout my day.
The ‘self-dating’ program sounds like a unique and innovative way to treating yourself with love, appreciation and tenderness, as its seems a sure way to deepen the relationship a person has with themselves.
This is beautiful to read Adele ‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.’ Very true and very honouring to hold ourselves in this way and to feel the magic in our lives when we claim and live this everyday and how key this is to deepening and evolving all our relationships especially the one with ‘self’.
Oh my gosh, staggeringly beautiful….the depth of self love is inspirational. “I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.” Why in the world would we not offer ourselves the love that is what we look for from others, we all have access to it and the choice whether we express it.
I agree, Samantha. It seems crazy not to love and nurture ourselves, and goes to show how much we are dominated by ideals and beliefs about how we should be in the world, rather than letting love naturally spill out from within us.
This is deeply inspiring and supporting; to read the truth in your words is bringing a deep sens of settlement within myself. The depth that is in beholding is unimaginable, we can only feel the depth in our hearts.
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” I love how you relate God and our bodies within the same line. When we deeply connect and know our body we know God.
Adele I love the exquisite beholding quality in which this gentle and wise blog has been written. I feel washed with love.
In relationships if we have any form of need we can tend to cling to our partner or have expectations of them that will fulfill what we need from them. Honouring and loving ourselves first can enable us to hold ourselves and also them in love without the need.
What is need? In my observations it is a situation we have not expressed our vulnerability in, and therefore it becomes a hurt of being rejected and an attachment in wanting to get it back. The responsibility in freeing ourselves from need, is to express what it is that we feel before it becomes cemented as hurt. To unravel myself from need, I will look it straight in the eye and with my whole body tell it how I feel.
Just one of the amazing offerings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine is how the palms of our hands bring the energy of our hearts and the love that we are into our expression through all that we touch. This came to mind when reading your blog Adele and holding hands with another, a double meeting of hearts, is such a beautiful tender gesture of love.
‘It simply began with the most direct and physical experience of crisscrossing my hands to touch my two arms in the most delicate and gentle way… and my whole body instantly melted. With this I had the simple confirmation that I can hold myself, I can give this back to myself.” This is simply gorgeous Adele…how much of our lives is waiting for someone to give this to us? To hold ourselves in the tender way is the most beautiful thing.
“I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.” When i read this i realise how in relationships we too carry pictures of how we would like to be treated while we communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, make love etc. yet its not hard to see how without first living this benchmark of love for ourselves, without the confirmation of this rhythm, the pictures remain pictures, steadily turn into expectations and reasons to blame another for the love we have not chosen for ourselves.
Great observation Lucinda, imagining how I would be like to be treated, when truly experiemented on myself will confirm if it is something true or simply a picture I have taken up, my body will know the truth.
One of the other loved ways to hold myself is to talk to myself. When I walk, I will say it out loud to myself, every feeling that comes up. I do this walking in the morning in a quiet neighbourhood, I do it also in the rush and crowds in busy rush hour. I do it anywhere and everywhere there is the opportunity to.
There is nothing more beautiful than the depth of holding we can give ourselves. In that we let ourselves be held by others also, while we in turn can hold the world, in the same warm and loving embrace we hold ourselves.
When we hold ourselves truly what is reflected back is the whole world is also holding us back. Never are we alone.
I love the distinction you make Adele between holding another and holding on to another. We can so easily lose ourselves in relationship when we need to hold onto them or need the other to make us feel okay.
Your entire blog emanates the beholding energy – a testament to love that you hold yourself in Adele and a gift to us all. Reflections such as yours are sorely needed in a world where neediness, hooking and shallowness prevail, especially in our intimate relationships. The quality of being held, one that we all want and deserve, is only ever a choice away.
I have started to dedicate my night time routine to this exploration of beholding myself – like a young child that wriggles and squirms away from a hug or a kiss because they are throwing a tantrum, I can feel a part of me resisting with all its might the call to love myself, and yet part of the beholding is having the understanding and patience and hold steady in feeling that resistance.
The wriggling and squirming away and sometimes a blatant refusing “no” I am very familiar with too Rebecca, but sometimes this “no” is the beholding.
‘ I would record audio messages with the added awareness to speak in truth, presence and letting the whole of me to be expressed’ – I love this idea, we have become so dependent on text and email that the power of voice is often forgotten.
Adele, I have just come back to reading your blog and felt the delicacy within me as I am reminded of my gentle touch, a sinking deeper into my pillow as I write and a confirmation of how gorgeous it is to have me being with me.
For a long, long time I’ve denied that I love being held and loved. As if I didn’t need it. Everyone exept me. How big can a lie be? I love being held and to hold. To give myself permission to be held is something I still struggle with to surrender to. It’s a real letting go, an allowance. But the love, purity, innocence and fragility are so lovely to both feel inside and outside of me. Thank God and my own soul for supporting me in this delicate process. As well as Adele, I definitely needed a few years on my own.
Being patient and understanding to ourselves is building on the deep trust for us to take a step further. Well done Floris.
holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone. You are right there Adele, as holding someone from your own love is a natural flow on from your own loving attention and definitely much more enjoyable and all encompassing than always relying on someone to keep giving it to us so that we feel loved.
It is through having sessions with Esoteric practitioners that I have begun to feel this communion with myself – lying on the couch, the modalities support me to connect to myself and in my connection, I feel the surrender and beholding that I so often crave from others. I love this blog because it reminds me to build this connection with myself in all aspects of life.
I have been asked to surrender even deeper recently to life, as surrender to a certain point reached simply opens to another level without end, and this is a deeper relationship and responsibility that the body is being asked of to be in and take.
Being held in our own love is one of the most craved for experiences which we often misconceive as being the seeking to be held in another’s love. This is grossly wrong as one of the greatest misunderstandings about love is that it is from another. And while it is, true love from another can only be embraced in full without resistance or hesitation if we too are living such love with ourselves in our own lives otherwise the relationship is empty.
It is always our own love that we most miss, before we miss anyone under the misconception that love comes from the outside.
To hold oneself in the grace and beauty that we are is one of the most honouring things that we can do for each other. It not only supports us to stay true to our own connection, but it also supports and inspires others to do the same for themselves.
Adele this is so deeply felt in my body as I read what you share, It is the ultimate freedom to be free of needs and to just connect with others, in whatever way that is.
I love sometimes to just stop in front of a mirror and gaze into my own amazing eyes and feel my own presence and how much it holds me and others.
Adele this is such a beholding statement and very true in my experience.
‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.
In this place of holding when shared with another is not about a need to be held but a communion of two sharing an embrace that also holds two in love.
To hold and to behold, both so beautiful in their own unique ways – both in offering this to another, and in receiving.
‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.’ And it is always there, we can surrender and be held in every moment.
Self love is still very much a work in progress for me. Finding time in my extremely busy day to do all the little things that bring a deeper level of self-nurturing has been difficult!
There is little to be done in love, as you are already it.
I love the point you make about holding someone and holding onto someone. I can feel when I have not been loving myself I then look for this to come from the outside and that is then when I have a neediness towards my partner. However, when I am full within myself and holding myself it is in this that I naturally without trying hold others and there is then no imposition of needing them to be something for me.
I have pondered on what you have shared Nikki and felt that I have a way to go with my relationship with myself. Also, that the way I have treated others has not been truly honouring where they are at. It is time to bring a greater level of responsibility to my commitment to be with myself.
Absolutely agree, with what you have shared our truest relationship has to be developed with ‘ME’! And, I also have issues developing this deeper connection with my true-self or soul.
“To me, holding hands is one of the most intimate feelings in the world, as we are exchanging from our hearts with each other in a very pure way…” -I love holding hands too, and the distinction you make here is an important one – holding in love or holding in attachment.
This I can so relate to Adele – “But there is an absolute knowing within me that any tricky situation in life means I have the support to find my way out of it. And therefore when I chose to be single I committed to finding out ways that I could hold myself, much like being held by a person that I trusted.” Over the years I have also embodied this knowing within, that I am supported in dealing whatever comes my way… at times I notice I have to talk to myself gently to remind me of this, and often this talk is a very gently loving confirmation of the inner knowing present at all times.
This is such a deeply moving expression -‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” I can feel the truth of this deeply just be reading it, thank you.
This is a beautiful expression Adele and I love how you describe your journey from starting to hold your arms ever so gently and expanding this into other areas of your life.
Imagine holding ourselves as we ourselves would like, wish to be held by another, offering ourselves the love, care and tenderness that we deserve…I was talking about this last night, I thrive with connection to people and appreciate what people bring deeply and yet I am not so strong on offering myself the same appreciation. I reckon this loving arms needs to be offered to myself a bit more frequently. We are so often brought up, thinking that it is strange to care for ourselves, but how can we know true care unless we first offer it to ourselves.
I agree so much about holding hands being one of the most intimate gestures in any relationship. There have been moments for me in which I have felt heaven when a child has slipped their hand into mine.
Reading this blog and your words Adele is like receiving a great big hug across the internet. So you naturally show how it feels to hold and cherish ourselves. It makes simple sense, that if it isn’t there in our lives, we lurch from one situation to another desperately looking for someone to do this, or for any answer. Yet all the time the Love that we need is actually right here underneath and is actually strong, powerful and our natural way to be. Thank you for holding everybody with the way and quality you are.
When we connect and feel the ginormous Love that we are and nurture this we start to feel the potential of how life can truly be. That everything else that we have been caught up in doesn’t really matter and that it has been a massive distraction from these deeper relationships with ourselves which in turn leads to stronger and deeper relationships with others. For me I have come to realise that it is not about making those choices and then sitting back with my feet up going cool I’m choosing this and I feel amazing – I have come to feel it is about the forever evolving and deepening relationship with myself.
To be held is such a nurturing feeling and the great thing about it is that we can give this to ourselves, I absolutely agree what you have shared here, Adele.
The more I can behold of myself and others, this momentum starts to extend to the relationships I find attachment and expectations bind stronger, therefore beholding is forever deepening and expanding, love has no destination. There is deep commitment therefore to every aspect of life, in all our relationships, this being the way back to letting go of the attachments that take us away from truly loving in life.
The opposite of beholding is bullying.
“…holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone. There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.” You have captured the heart of this here Adele, when we do not understand what love truly is, a beholding quality inherent in each of us when we allow ourselves and all others to just be, then we look to those around us to provide it. As you say so beautifully, this is not possible, as the true ‘holding’ can only come from the quality of love we have within ourselves.
The truest intimacy lies not with any other person but with yourself and your connection with that inner-most light that you have. This is the science of self-love begin lived in the everyday.
Your commitment and attention to detail in building a relationship with yourself is inspirational, Adele. What an incredible foundation you bring to your relationships with all others.
Thank you Adele, for such a lovely shaing about and there is definitely a difference when we build a relationship with ourselves and others with an attachment/expectation or just surrendering to the experience to evolve that we are presented with in every moment. Ultimately it is about deepening our relationship within first and everything else flows from that.
I found yesterday how I can hold myself from inside my body so to speak. Moving my body with tenderness and delicacy, for instance if I move my arm I make sure I hold that quality in the movement. This is a very nurturing thing to do and something nobody else can do for us.
“There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.” the simplicity of love and holding another in love is something that is so natural yet so far from the reality of society today. I love the reminder you provide us all, in this there is no trying simply allow and feeling whatever is there.
Adele, this is gorgeous to re-read, ‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe’, since reading your article I have been holding myself when I first wake up in the morning, I have been deepening this each day and this morning felt very loving, I held myself like I hold my son, with an equal level of love and tenderness and sweetness, this felt very lovely and made me realise how much love I can hold myself in and how supportive this feels.
This is super cool to read and be inspired by your dedication towards yourself which in turn is for humanity. I love this line – ” I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.”. When you feel this fullness there is an absolute contentment and ease in being who we are. You also get to feel the power of your own choices and how they support this or not. Why would we want to be half full when we could be bursting at the seems?
The art of letting go is in truth the art of self love. The neediness vaporizes in the heat of ones own fire.
I thus deeply and graciously thank every single relationship that I let go for more evolution to be embodied, as the love that is felt has deepened even more so.
‘But what I have also realised is, holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone’ – I love that you mention this, Adele. It’s very honouring of the other person to allow them the space to show their love, in their own way, to ‘hold on’ to someone is, in effect, a demand as we are needing them in order for us to feel ok. This shows us that we are, in fact, wanting someone else to provide us with the love we have chosen not to give ourselves first, for if we had, we wouldn’t need anyone else in order to feel our own love and divinity, we would already feel complete.
And I would add, feeling complete, being at home in our own bodies, and enjoying being ourselves, changes the way we walk in the world and inspires others.
‘I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ I agree Adele, there’s an absoluteness in feeling full within ourselves.
Such a beautiful blog Adele, I just love what you have expressed here, so simple yet so profound;
There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.
Learning to deeply trust back in my own body, this trust in life and in every step taken is with God walking with me.
Very often we only picture holding as something physical. But even if we do not see someone, a holding can be felt very naturally for me. And even if we are not aware of it sometimes or do not want to acknowledge it, God is holding us constantly. It is actually deeply natural to express this.
Yes, to all of the above, Adele, and I know that when I am holding myself, I am doing the same for others.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ …. as we deepen our relationship with ourselves, it unlocks a hidden richness that then flows into our every movement.
When we behold something or someone dearly, there is never any trying or holding onto as if we may lose them. We can never lose what is being truly held, we can never lose the love within us nor the love that God is forever beholding us in.
I am beginning to learn how to share myself with others, to be open and intimate in relationships, without seeking fulfillment or attention from another, to give myself that.
A deeply tender and exquisite relationship we each hold with ourselves.
It is well worth deepening our intimate connection with ‘us’ and bringing the fullness of us to every moment in life.
I love holding hands with my husband, I love holding hands with my sister, mum and friends it really is an intimate and beautiful thing to do.
Beautiful Adele , to truly ‘hold oneself’ is the most beautiful holding of all humanity – everyone gets it.
I love how you have shared that being single is a period of Grace, to really explore how we can hold ourselves. How good would a relationship be if we brought this amount of self love to a partner.
There is such an innocence in feeling how much you enjoy establishing love in relationships, you show us all how natural this is.
“Holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone”, so true and an important lesson to learn in relationships.
It is indeed an unfolding and deepening process to surrender and cherish the love that we are and how we are so held in that.
The joy, care, love and holding you share here for yourself Adele is so beautiful and inspiring to feel and know is possible in our lives, and the culmination of this with others shows the world and us all it is a very beautiful place when we are with ourselves .
When we hold ourselves in love we are truly open to be held and to hold another.
This is so beautiful, Adele – ‘with the experience of holding myself, it is very natural to then hold another’. Learning to be in true relationship, with ourselves and others, is so key to life and our evolution, that it needs to be taught and continually explored from a young age and throughout the years.
I agree Adele. Every moment in life can be a deepening or a distraction concerning the relationship with myself. When I take this deeply serious, every moment in life is a choice concerning to connect with myself or not, which has a consequence to all choices coming afterwards.
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” To know and allow this is something extremely beautiful to experience, but all too often we let our mistrust and controlling behaviour get in the way, and tell ourselves that this is not possible. But it absolutely is, as I am learning from personal experience.
We have all met people that in a self-centered way love themselves but as you pointed out, to be in love with yourself, are like night and day. In one the world evolves around them the other is we are just one part of an amazing universe.
“I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others’ – how beautiful Adele, you set the scene yourself to then enjoy the scenery [of the scene!]
In the past I would resist the idea of going home to an empty house, but now I know I am always going home (or anywhere) with me, I am always with me—the person who shares my whole life with and is physically the most intimate with me—I did not see that in the past because I was looking for love outside of myself rather than nurturing the deep love that is already inside of me. Having experienced the both sides of it, nurturing my own love and deeply beholding myself is something I can always deepen and continuously learn, and yet it is not something exclusive to myself, as then every relationship that I am in expands and deepens.
Reading through the comments, someone described this blog as like a love letter to oneself and I couldn’t agree more – a promise to not look outside for the love that can be built first with yourself.
Absolutely Adele – there are two different qualities of ‘holding’. There is the holding and beholding of true Love and there is the ‘holding onto belonging to neediness and/or protection. As you say:’To me, holding hands is one of the most intimate feelings in the world, as we are exchanging from our hearts with each other in a very pure way: I love holding a partner’s hands. And in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching.’
The surrender to the grace of the Love we are within, is to surrender the absoluteness of God’s Love that we are forever held in. A relationship that supersedes anything in the world outside ourselves, a relationship that we are born to learn to realise, is our natural and Divine right, as our purpose here is to evolve back to living the harmony of this loving relationship, with all.
Beautifully said, Carola. When we surrender to the love within us and allow it to come out for all to be blessed by, we are representing and celebrating God with every movement.
The beautiful thing is that when we behold someone, then we can actually behold them from a distance – we can be many many miles away and yet ‘hold’ them in our hearts and feel them with us. Now this is not something we have to think about doing, but it is something that we feel deeply when we are doing this. And then when you physically ‘hold’ them, you are actually only confirming the fact that you have always beheld them. How beautiful is this?
Confirmations are amazing yes! Henrietta.
Adele, I loved reading your blog and how you tenderly express love to yourself, through the many gentle loving gestures you apply to yourself during your day. I often give myself a gentle hug or lovingly caress my skin and acknowledge to myself that it is the love that I feel for myself that I can share with another, if I build on that foundation of self-love first without it being a need or an attachment, which I realise I have done in the past, holding on someone’s hand tightly which came from a fear of losing them.
When we hold ourselves in love we behold everyone else in that same quality of love. The warmth we bring to ourselves emanates — from our voices, from the way we move and from the look in our eyes — everything inspiring and reminding others to hold themselves in this same quality of love as well.
Feeling held restores trust.
‘And in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching. Do I hold another’s hands wanting them to be with me, or do I hold another’s hands in respect that they will walk at the pace they are comfortable with?’ – How different relationships would look if we always asked ourselves this question. Am I needing my partners/friends to be a certain way or do I allow them to just be?
“And therefore when I chose to be single I committed to finding out ways that I could hold myself, much like being held by a person that I trusted.” I have found that most of the reasons why I do not give myself back Love and hold myself in the Love I am, are based on my lack of trust. I love the way you begin with your body, Adele, for it is with the body we reach out to be held by another for need or comfort or many of the other emotions that are not Love. Even the words “delicate”, “tender”, “gentle”, are lovingly formed in the mouth, they immediately release the tensions round the mouth and jaw where we hold ourselves in and prevent ourselves expressing the fullness of our truth, that we are Love.
“….when I chose to be single I committed to finding out ways that I could hold myself, much like being held by a person that I trusted.” So often this is not the case when people find themselves as single after being in a relationship. In my own experience, when I first became single, I put up so many barriers to protect myself, on top of the ones that had already been put in place during the realtionship I had been in. So rather than finding ways to hold myself lovingly, I found ways to hold myself so that I wouldn’t get hurt which involved shutting myself down and cutting myself off from other people. It has only been in more recent years that i have begun to find ways similar to the ones you share here, that are truly loving and the more I open myself up to this level of deep care, the more I am opening up to deepening my relationships with others.
Thank you Adele. A poignant reminder of how building that tender and loving relationship with ourselves brings an ever deepening quality to our bodies and our lives.
Holding ourselves within a relationship is so important. It’s so easy to expect or want our partner to hold us. Surrendering to love does not have to mean surrendering ourselves.
What I appreciate in your blog Adele is that going from a period of being single to being in a relationship, there is no different feeling in how you describe the love you hold for others and for yourself. There is no feeling of being with someone special now and that this is better than the recent past not being with someone. There is a seamlessness to love in your life. And who would not choose this for themselves whether they be single or coupled?
“The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.” That I found very inspiring Adele as it feels like a wonderful way to built a deeper relationship to myself.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself.’ I love this Adele. If only we took the opportunity of really knowing and actioning this truth, our lives would be infinitely more harmonious and delightful and our world would be a joy to inhabit and contribute to.
Sometimes I hold my own hands Ariana, but it is more than just me holding myself, I am allowing God to hold me too.
The way you express is so beautiful! I love reading your words and how gentle and graceful they feel!
Adele I can feel the deep commitment you made to yourself in this self-dating and it is quite exquisite and rare.
I love that you chose to give yourself the time to explore what surrendering to yourself was like and to experience the safety that comes from a deep commitment to truly knowing yourself and honouring that…. before sharing you with the world. This is something we should all offer ourselves… for in doing so, so much more of ourselves can be then be offered to others.
Adele, your blog is so inspiring. I love the program you created to hold yourself and keep exploring ways to do this. The consistency and dedication to this (and yourself) feel so solid. This fullness is the way to go into a relationship, not from our usual neediness.
We rarely hold ourselves and yet it feels like heaven when we do. I love bringing my hands very tenderly to my face and holding it. I sometimes do this after work with a hot, lavender scented face washer. I feel so cared for, so held in preciousness and all this can come from within me. If we were more like this each day with ourselves, there is no way self-doubt or critical thoughts would be entertained for long if at all.
I love holding others and can feel the absolute love in this but have never truly appreciated how I can do this for myself.
Incredible to think that we are constantly held by God and yet our experience at times is that we are oblivious to this universal energetic fact, when we simply do not surrender to being who we truly are and believe that we have to ‘make it’ on our own.
It is simply delicious to feel met in a beholding energy – deeply freeing and truly supporting. It is the reassuring feeling of being loved without conditions.
Adele, your blog is exquisitley beautiful. I have always found holding hands with another deeply touching, and can remember watching other couples who would walk hand in hand and feeling how gorgeous it was. It had not been something I had experienced in my own relationships. I now love to hold hands with others, sometimes even when I am simply talking to someone as it really does bring a truer and deeper connection to both people.
Adele, reading this was to receive a healing. I loved every word of it. Self-dating and holding ourselves is a very powerful thing and an awesome foundation for how we are with others.
This really stood out as I read: “I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.” When there is no feeling of emptiness it feels impossible to want or need anything from another. Choosing to be fully in relationship with myself confirms I am already everything, which is absolutely something to behold and infinitely appreciate.
Adele, you’ve taken relationship with ourselves to a whole new level. I love more than anything holding myself in absolute love and tenderness. Its only with this beautiful connection first, can I bring all of my joy to the rest of the world.
I have found your blog deeply touching and it has stayed with me since reading it, the oppotunity I have to fill myself up with my own love, to learn how to hold myself in all I do in life.
To really know the quality we hold ourselves in and by is essential as it is the quality (energy) being lived, expressed and felt that makes us who we are as a human being.
This quote Ariana is such an honest question that is really quite exposing of why and how we hold another’s hand. Is it out of confirmation, union, expansion or from a comfort and neediness. Valuable question to ask and be aware of.
Adele, this is a beautiful beautiful blog that I have thought about each day since I first read it. I have been implementing consciously so a couple of new ways of holding myself each day at similar times of the day and it is a lovely quality to keep coming back to. I am noticing that I feel a lot less of a reliance of others in small ways to fill that as I am now bring even more for myself each day and it is literally growing each day. Super magical.
What a beautiful account of the importance of truly looking after ourselves. For me ‘holding’ brings up many things – not all true and supportive – we have ‘holding on’ and ‘holding back’ for example so it is important that what we are deeply honest and aware with the way we are with ourselves and of course everyone else too.
“holding someone is not the same as holding on to someone”. How important this sentence is. True holding is allowing someone to be exactly as they are without need or attachment. When we try to hold on we are bringing an agenda of our own.
This morning I felt held. By myself! It was such a glorious moment to feel the warmth and cosyness within myself. And all this simply happened when I connect to my body and was honest about what I felt. With grace to a dear friend who supported me by asking questions on how I feel, making me realise that I actually found it difficult to express what I really felt. For me this moment was ‘proving’ the fact that I can (be)hold myself and love myself. I am indeed exquisitely tender and loving.
Beautiful sharing Floris. I am finding the power of beholden get myself each day quite special. The checking in with myself and sharing my feelings and awarenesses each day on the ‘Our Cycles’ app developed by Natalie Benhayon has been quite profound. I am residing how much I see and feel each day and also how much there is for me to appreciate and confirm about myself.
It has taken a long time for me to be able to trust myself, but trust I have developed and as such I know that no matter what happens I am safe….. feeling and knowing this is absolutely gold! Love this blog Adele.
It’s so magical and quite profound how consistent little steps each day support our trust in ourselves and feeling safe to deepen.
What a beautiful way of describing the choice to be single as a period of grace. It feels like for this to be so we must actually open up to others, let them in as well as feeling the support of coming from the all.
Thanks for pointing out the all important difference between holding ourselves or another and holding on to another, in the false expectation that they will fulfil our every need. There is a great neediness and lack of responsibility in the latter and it doesn’t serve us nor them.
What I love about ‘beholding’ is that holding of another in absolute love, accepting and appreciating them for who they are, not needing them to be anything other than who they are.
There is an exquisite stillness and grace, an honouring of the love that is felt.
Yes Alison. This completely cuts through any conditions we have on others.
In the ‘Beholding’ we are energetically held in love, without judgement, or expectation. We have space to be ourselves and if we can allow ourselves to trust and surrender we may feel a silent invitation from within to expand.
Once we trust and hold ourselves in love we no longer need love from anyone and so then we are much more open and available to love within a relationship and indeed within all interactions in life.
In relationships we tend to fall into the habit of ‘holding onto someone’ which provides a false comfort which
suffocates each other and stifles our expression. As you say Adele, ‘holding someone’ is completely different as it is done without any attachment or imposition but with loving understanding which gives the other space to be themselves and also gives us space to be who we are.
“Do I hold another’s hands wanting them to be with me, or do I hold another’s hands in respect that they will walk at the pace they are comfortable with?” – Adele what you’ve captured here is just brilliantly observant, and gets us to draw in as to how we hold ourselves in equalness with our partner, or not and in need[iness] …which can be felt by the hold of the hand, or the pace of our walk with them. The equalness we feel with our partner, is the equalness and at-ease we feel with ourselves first – our loving hold.
Funny how we can look at what you are presenting Adele and squirm with the comfortableness of being that intimate with ourselves. Imagine what it would be like with us all aligning to what our Bodies Naturally want to be. There would be a lot more simplicity and things would be done at a pass of focus instead of One person.
Surrendering to the true love we are is the only thing that can truly holds us and how joyful is that to offer as a reflection to another and it matters not whether it is in an intimate relationship, our relationship with a friend, or to whoever we come in contact with, it simply keeps blooming forth. It is a reflection of God as indeed Gods love is what holds us all.
“There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love”. This is wonderfully inspiring to read Adele, thank-you for expressing it so beautifully.
It is a wonderful thing when we learn that we can hold ourselves, that we can love and nurture ourselves and that we are not dependant on another to do this for us. With this level of self love, if we then chose to hold another we do so from a full cup so to speak and not from an empty cup needing someone else to fill us.
That’s pretty amazing Adele. I could feel the resistance within me to experiment the way you have with yourself, which is great because what you’ve offered me is an opportunity to look at why I would not want to date myeslf as you have done.
Thank you!
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” Reading this, I realise how this is not my experience with myself. Feeling safe is something I still look outside of myself for – from my family and friends, from being held by others and basing myself off how others are with me. What your sharing is that there a relationship to be had with myself that fulfills all that and more.
When you are with you in your fullness with another, its like you know there are other parts of you that need letting go of, but in that moment, you are totally surrendered to who you truly are, and so the absoluteness of you, just shines through and there you are in your divinity, bringing a snapshot of heaven that invites them to join you too.
I love the simplicity of your first action of holding yourself – very practical and real which is the stuff of self love and care is made of.
“And in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching. Do I hold another’s hands wanting them to be with me, or do I hold another’s hands in respect that they will walk at the pace they are comfortable with?” It’s important to discern and be aware of the energetic difference. We are either allowing another to be or can be using the connection as a form of control.
Thank you Adele, that is wonderfull. A true living movement as you exactly share from what you have lived and experienced and so the marker of this blog is very true and strong. Thank you for showing us what it is to behold , in love, and not be attached to an outcome. To me this is real and pure love too.
I have been studying trust lately and what truly builds trust in relationships. What I am seeing is that it is never in what we say, as words can be empty. Trust is developed through our movements and our every expression. When there is a consistency, people can begin to trust us and this is more healing than we could ever imagine.
I love the word ‘behold’, meaning to be seen and be held at the same time, as one thing that deeply accepts us for who we are in full.
’The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’ – Beautiful, everyone deserves to know that we can not only be a loving ’partner’ to ourselves, but fact is we are already made up by love, and we can all choose to re-connect to it. Love is not for the selected few.
Ironically I have spent most of my life avoiding relationships in the fear that I cannot hold myself while in one. Recently I too entered into a relationship and I have begun to see that I held myself while I was single far more than I gave myself credit for. The practice of holding myself while single has not ended now I am in a relationship, in fact it is even more important for me to hold myself now as there are many new situations to deal with.
Exact same for me Leonne, recently I have moved and am sharing a house with some-one and I have also begun to see that I hold myself really well and something for me to deeply appreciate for I too avoided relationships in the fear that I could not hold myself while in one.
On the foundation of beholding myself a true relationship can grow. It is when we practice unconditional love with ourselves that we do the same with others instantly.
It is amazing when we find that we are love and are held in love. We can then relate with others and, through their reflection, see what is not love and let it go.
I think most of us have looked for true connection from some outside source as you say Adele: ‘ I have looked for this feeling of security most of my life from relationships, but every time it has proved fleeting.’ The only thing that is truly certain is our connection to our own essence which is made of Love. This transforms our thought, our action our life and can never be taken away from us unless we choose to deny it.
There is nothing in this world, no amount of fortune or material success or accolades of any kind, that come anywhere close to the preciousness of surrendering to our soul. The loneliness and emptiness of the daily grind of life is rendered naught, snapped for the illusion it has always been, as we melt into the majesty of living from the inner heart.
So simple and yet so profound, so natural and deeply known by all and yet sadly forlorn by most as we choose the shadows of life rather than the light that is there always as it has always been.
‘There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.’ The word ‘Beholding’ is full of meaning – there is a holding and allowing to be, we observe and allow, we hold people in the love that we all are equally, and there is no need for something back, it simply is.
Absolutely divine Adele ‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.’
Trust me from experience – if you make life about security, there will not be enough gold in all the world to fill your coffers to make you feel safe. And even when you do gather your gold, you will be forever fearful of losing it. It is a prison from which there is no escape except to surrender.
Surrender takes away the stagnation of comforting pictures, which is simply what is life.
So true Adam….. and it is a prison we ourselves create which means we ourselves have the key to unlock the door, and the key is to surrender.
Very inspiring as others have shared it has made me realise there is a whole other level to go to in loving and caring for ourselves also the realisation of how playfull this can be.
And in realising how much we are held in love. I quite agree, Vicky.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ This is such a gorgeous reminder Adele and I now choose to invest time in myself which feels so supportive not just of me but everyone I then meet in my day because then I do not move in the world with the neediness that dominated so much of my life up to now.
How amazing to be able to hold yourself in this way within a relationship. It means that you can hold your partner truly with the love you have for yourself and also for him.
Reading this blog you can really feel the potential we have for relationships with ourselves before anyone else. From this relationship we can then live this with all others in our lives, whether a partner, family member, friend, work colleague or anyone else that we regularly interact with. What a great place to start for the wellbeing and quality of relationship to all.
It is lovely to hear about your explorations with self-dating, Adele, in terms of bringing a loving quality to every activity in your day. We miss out on so much when we put all of our needs and expectations onto another and don’t spend the time creating a beautifully supportive and foundational relationship with ourselves first.
Adele, this is brilliant, ‘in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching. Do I hold another’s hands wanting them to be with me, or do I hold another’s hands in respect that they will walk at the pace they are comfortable with?’ I can feel when I am walking my son to school that I can be in a rush and almost dragging him along – which he feels and really does not like or I can feel my loveliness and lightness and hold his hand with love and appreciation of myself, him and our relationship together and we find a rhythm together – I am not trying to make him follow my pace – these feel like very different ways of being together.
All of these practices and rituals are simply to bring us back to what is already, and has always been, there within us all.
The relationship we have with ourselves is definitely reflected in our relationships with others.
To feel the…” deep surrender…” and moment of being completely held, safe and in connection with another confirms to me how very much how the human race is meant to be living in brotherhood, not in conflict. It is through our human body that the language of brotherhood is communicated, one in the relationship with in ourselves and second, in the relationship with each other.
To choose to live a deep relationship with God comes from the devastation of not choosing to live this way and knowing how nothing is worth more than this communion. With this relationship, we are in relationship with all.
I feel ‘not wanting to take responsibility for ourselves’, needing someone else to ‘fix’ things for us, is a reason so many relationships are doomed to fail before they even start. The reality is, no one else can fix things for us, they may put a bandaid on to make things ‘look better’, but the hurt stays until we choose to deal with it. The real kicker is, so often, we start blaming the other person for the fact that we’re still ‘dissatisfied’, we know there is something missing. The more we pull, wanting to be fixed, the more the other person pulls back. Like a flower without water, if we resist loving ourselves first, we will wilt and be a mere shadow of our divine selves and no one else can ‘fix’ it but us.
‘when I chose to be single I committed to finding out ways that I could hold myself, much like being held by a person that I trusted’ … how different our relationships would be if we all took the time to connect with ourselves in this way. We would not ‘need’ anything from each other, rather, it would be a union celebrating ourselves and each other, allowing the space to evolve with each other, deepening the shared love in just being together.
To hold ourselves the way you describe Adele, is the answer to all our woes, and all the suffering we see in humanity today and have done for eons. To behold ourselves in this exquisite love is a responsibility we all have for when we do, we behold others in that same quality. This is the answer to all the wars and conflicts, right here within our bodies and our own choice to make.
And when we love and cherish ourselves that loving care is then there for all others to see and feel and to be inspired by.
It is so true what you share here Adele. No-one else can hold us or love us the way we want to be held or loved – we are the only ones that know every little detail of how this would be for us personally… so it is up to each of us to love and cherish ourselves.
When I was in my early 20’s I can remember someone saying the words “I love you” to me. At the time I couldn’t respond, I couldn’t reply with the same words. It created much tension at the time and it brought up alot, however on reflection I knew that I wasn’t loving myself and I wasn’t able to lie about what I felt. I deeply cared about this person but I wasn’t anywhere near building a truly loving relationship with myself and therefore wasn’t truly able to say the words ‘I love you’ to another.
I love you said every time to anyone, is an I love you said to everyone, and sometimes I hold back saying that to one person. But now I no longer hold that back, as not saying it to one person I am also holding back my love for everyone.
Thank you for sharing your intimate adventures Adele. I had to ask myself is it really okay to behold oneself with the care, respect, love, and understanding we would like a partner to treat us with?
“I have also realised is, holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.” Yes Adele, there is a definite distinction, but unfortunately, most of society is into the holding onto and emotional kind. Great to have a true reflection shared here so gorgeously Adele.
When we are born, most of us are held with Love in our parent’s arms. The warmth cradles us completely as we look out around. But what I hear in what you wrote Adele, is that we are also always held in Love by God, perfectly placed in every situation to receive what we need to see, cared for and carried through our day, guided and steered in our every way. Everything that occurs that is divinely designed, no matter how ‘hard’ it may seem to be. So how can we hold back from loving and holding ourselves in this same Love infinitely? Thank you for this holding and supportive blog.
‘with the experience of holding myself, it is very natural to then hold another, both energetically and physically. But what I have also realised is, holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.’ I love how you say this Adele, and your astute observations about ‘holding,’ and ‘holding onto”. One is holding and one is attachment. – great to feel the difference.
How essential it is to feel held…held in a way that I know I’m ok and that it can be ok to just be here. For the first time in a very long time I am feeling held and feeling safe and it comes from inside me.
I am in a new relationship, and I can feel when I leave myself and go into needing something from him. In these moments it is amazing to be able to remind myself that I can come back to my stillness and that everything I need is already there inside me. When I do this it is a wonderful feeling of returning to myself, and I feel whole and complete as I am and can drop the need. It is incredibly valuable and powerful.
If we have the courage and honesty to see everything that is reflected back to us, then a relationship can be a turbo boost of evolution.
It is quite scary for many of us to be own our own but you have shared the pure joy possible when we truly hold ourselves in love. After all, Adele, if we cannot do this for ourselves how can we truly bring this to another.
So cool to hear your experience Adele .. one of the things I take away from this is that we can never have a moment to plato or be comfortable in our relationships – be it with ourselves or with others. That the more intimate we are willing to let go and surrender to the more unfolds and expands. Its a choice how deep we really want to go.
Last night as I went to bed, I experimented with holding myself – other than the first moments of strangeness, it was a great chance to feel how that relationship with me is much lacking, that I will be far more likely to turn to another for reassurance and comfort, for holding and love rather than looking within.
Stunningly beautiful blog Adele – I love what you have shared. This particular part stood out for me and has given me pause to consider how I hold the hand of my husband and a wonderful reference point, or marker to work with, “And in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching.”
To be held and to behold are moments of extraordinary beauty. An incredible solidness, openess, fond ancestral knowing and understanding meets surrendering to it.
Adele reading this is a true blessing. This week I really felt what I have known for a long time: I ask others to treat me in a way that is loving but do not provide even the most basic care for myself. Many years I have avoided the truth that I can hold myself in love and not wait or fantasize about a relationship to give me what I can already allow for myself. I have not wanted to feel the devastation I have brought upon myself and wanted to blame outside circumstance and invited outside circumstances that were harsh to justify my hardness with myself. This hardness I have brought to all my relationships.
I deeply appreciate what you’ve written because the simple movements you describe I can discover also, from the simplest presence with my breathe. It is building a relationship with my body that opens the door to love and lets love flow. I can feel the failure of my choice to live in my mind, its dictates of learnt shoulds and oughts; and know this way of living is not love.
Adele your article stood out as remarkable right from the very beginning. The description of your single years as being ‘a period of grace’ was in stark contrast to how many people would have described it. For many it would have been a lonely, empty or meaningless period of their lives,
Amazing blog, reading it again is so inspiring. I now understand how powerful it is to build a deeper level of connection with myself and with God, so that my relationships with others will naturally deepen with the same quality.
This is perfect for me to read today Adele. Such a gorgeous blog and sharing. I could feel my body melt as i read it and I could also feel the power of my own be holding.
The energy of beholding is so beautiful. To behold someone is to let them be, without them needing to be anything for us. When we are not imposing onto another it gives them the grace to feel what is true for them and to feel safe to express their true selves.
’But there is an absolute knowing within me that any tricky situation in life means I have the support to find my way out of it.’ – Deeply powerful, we are all equipped to deal with any situation we may find ourselves in.
When we hold ourselves in love then we naturally hold everyone else in that same love. The physical touch of then being held just confirms what we are already feeling. “To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our body.” I love this because when I feel the deep surrender you mention Adele I can feel God in every cell of my body and this brings being held to a whole new level.
Being the lover of ourselves, treating oneself with the love and care we know to share with those who are dearest to our heart is a very delicious feeling and one of the most important relationships to have so that we can be truly loving with everyone equally without any difference like me, you, this or that person, family or stranger. It starts with self-love to then expand to love and from there no limit can be reached as true love is unconditional and a never-ending process of evolution is the natural way to be.
If everyone explored the relationship with themselves first, with the same dedicated care, love and tenderness like you, Adele, relationships would have another depth to them, and we would focus on sharing the love we are instead of needing love from another.
I have always known that until we truly love ourselves we can never truly love another, but your blog Adele has taken love to a deeper level, shown the absolute tenderness that you live, the dedication to self that allows your love to grow and expand out into the Universe.
‘But what I have also realised is, holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone’ – this is a beautiful, powerful and exposing statement and has initiated some pondering. Holding onto or being held onto is exhausting and suggests that there is a heavy load to be carried and it makes me wonder how a true relationship can survive this weight. This is an insightful blog Adele and such a blessing to read.
I always used to look outside of myself for ‘love’ – but came to realise that was neediness. As I learn to love myself and deepen my inner connection this need has fallen away.
What is great about your experience Adele, there is no sense of being dissatisfied or desperate about being single, or a need to have someone to fill up a gap in our life. Very inspiring to read how you have built a loving relationship with yourself first.
I love this Adele “holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone”- to me it is the maturity of self connection in a love that can be expressed in full without any neediness.
“in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching” – what a great question to ask and bring to our everyday awareness. How are we holding hands, how are we holding another and most importantly are we approaching life with a beholding love or seeking something from life? I am loving looking at this more.
I like the playful,way you get with yourself in relationship, Adele. It is inspirational.
The connection with our soul can be forgotten, ignored or tried to be numbed out of existence… we at times, from our choices, get lost on the way but our soul it is something that never leaves us or gets lost. Your line that stood out for me was; ‘holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone’.
A beautiful blog reminding me that when challenges arise I can overcome them. That by surrendering and deeply holding myself what is there to unfold unfolds in the grace and simplicity through my connection with God.
To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. This feeling is just pure gold having spent a lifetime not feeling safe which is in combination with no matter what I can trust myself.
There is so much we can learn from treating ourselves with delicate touch, it is so simple to do and we can connect to it at any time.
Adele, I love this, ‘I would imagine how I would like to be treated while I communicate, dine, play, date, work, shop, walk, sleep, dress up, make love etc., and would devotedly give this quality and depth all back to myself when I was on my own as well as when I was with others.’ This is so gorgeous, and why not treat ourselves in this very loving, adoring way, this is super inspiring to me, thank you.
wow beautiful Adele. we could have no greater friend than meeting ourselves in the truth of who we are
To hold ourselves is a beauty and a responsibility. In truth we are always held by God and if we fall it is a reflection of disconnection to this fact. To hold myself is for me like to say: I am Gods child.
That connection with our soul, we know it is there within, but I feel we have made it somewhat conditional, tentative, hidden – somehow not believing that it is for us to actually live. Your sharing here is like literally taking a plunge into falling in love with oneself head over heel all over again. Awesome, Adele.
‘When I walk with myself, a warmth circulates up my body with a very warm, robust, solid and yet tender support.’ With this and the other examples given it strikes me that doing everything and anything in connection with ourselves is pivotal if we are to feel good in our own skin and from there, able to connect with others. Embodied self-love = love for others.
I particularly love the way you chose to invest the time with yourself, to deepen the love that you have for you and to cherish and live that love. Any relationship you are in is blessed with the exquisiteness of you from that very personal investment that you chose to make.
What a super blog Adele there is so much to comment on this. The ‘self-dating coming to an end’ and putting into practice what you have enjoyed learning with yourself now with another – love what you share, and what a great way to enter relationship, it feels so evolving because of how you first were with yourself for the pattern to continue with another. Awesome. Inspiring.
I agree Zofia, in fact I feel that this blog turns the idea of the fairytale relationship on its head as there is no elation at the prospect of a new relationship here, just the joy of accepting expression of love.
I think it is very important to know yourself when entering into a relationship with another. In saying that, we also might want to be aware that if we are too focused on self, this also as the ability to impair true union with another.
The most evolving thing that my husband and I have discovered about relationships is this: if we step away from ourselves or one another, its not about going off into our corners and working on our stuff or remembering to hold ourselves, its about reconnecting to each other and knowing that our ‘issues’ aren’t really issues, it’s simply energy we have allowed in. So we have a choice to recoil or team up and realise that we will always have energy or something trying to divide and conquer us, remembering that if we take the bait, we let that energy win.
In short my point is: to hold another is in fact the new way of holding ourselves.
This is a great point Sarah, holding each other in the love we know the other to be feels like the most necessary foundation for a relationship. This, I sense would completely and clearly reveal everything that is energetically not equal to that known love. This is a very insightful comment.
Dear Sarah, in having a deep relationship with ourselves and with God, this relationship naturally includes all others.
‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.’ – exquisitely said, Adele. Maybe this is why we crave ‘touch’, to feel the physical connection with another and to share this love that radiates from our bodies.
Deeply Loving and nurturing ourselves connects us to great knowing and wisdom and equips us to live life.
Katie, I have found that one of the greatest separative feelings I observe is when I hold onto certain pictures and ideals such as right and wrong. When I come from this place, my interactions with people always falter, and for those people who truly love me, they would blatantly show me physical distance, which is exactly what is happening within myself—a separation from truth and love. So there is more opportunities to come back to more practice of holding myself over and over again. I truly adore how life ceaselessly offers me/us opportunities to deepen self-love, how truly blessed we are.
How powerful is our love and connection Michelle.
You raise a very important point, the craving to be held by someone that can often lead us into seeking relationships, whereas what your sharing is that we can learn to hold ourselves – a beautiful reminder for me to continue to focus on building my relationship with myself, from here is where a true fulfillment comes from.
To be held physically is such a beautiful thing – to feel the embrace of another. As I have developed in my own self-love I have come to feel that when we hold ourselves daily in love that having someone physically embrace us is a confirmation of the love that we are and is very beautiful, but it is no longer a need.
Adele, what you have shared here is a recipe, a way forward for every relationship – from intimate ones those in the boardroom! If we can ‘hold ourselves’ with the grace and love you have described and lived, we can behold others and speak from truth instead of comparison, competition, jealousy etc. A true game/world changer.
I love the sharing about choosing (!!) to be single to find out what it is to truly have a relationship with yourself. Isn’t this in fact the only true way to have a solid, joyful and healthy relationship with another? I’m still learning to surrender and feel completely being held. I know the sparkly feeling of the warm energy within my body, but I also know that I often choose to not be with what I feel. The more I ossilate between the two, the more I find out and be honest that I actually miss me when I choose to not connect to my body.
I find what you have written, Adele, a deeply loving and inspiring sharing of how to deepen one’s connection with oneself. Being able to know that ” there is an absolute knowing within me that any tricky situation in life means I have the support to find my way out of it” is truly wonderful place to be for although it is secure it is not stagnant but a place from which to continually evolve.
I love the profound feeling of simplicity in your understanding of holding and beholding and I find myself asking why we have made things so complicated.
This is beautiful Adele, it is very beautiful to read how you go with beholding and holding. And how we are used to think we love, yet this love in our own everyday life towards ourselves is not practised, or actually we forgot how. This is were I found that the Esoteric Therapies truly support me to come back to my body, who I am and my connection with God – that is my Every Day Livingness. Thank you Adele for sharing yours.
I really get a sense, Adele, of the ever deepening love you have for yourself and how it naturally spills out to everything in your life. Thank you as always for sharing your experiences with us.
It’s great to stop and appreciate our beauty, gentleness and grace Adele. Sometimes I marvel at the depth of tenderness in my touch. It is so lovely to experience my tenderness towards myself and it is exquisite when shared with another. Thanks for sharing yours with us.
I love your blog Adele, holding hands with people is a lovely way to share a feeling of togetherness no matter who it is with, when I have observed children holding hands they do so with so much ease, they hold an equalness of love with each other, and a brotherhood that is deeply felt. I love that now as adults when we choose to hold another’s hand the same offering is made.
Spot on Sally, holding hands like children do is pure brotherhood.
If we hold ourselves we don’t need and more importantly seek to be held by anyone else. This offers a far deeper and more expansive way of being in relationship
Very true Joshua. In holding ourselves there is no insecurity and neediness that we can impose onto another. We simply know who we are.
“The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.” This is pure wisdom and something I love to put into practise with myself. We often are more disregarding and hard with ourselves than that we are with others without really doing this on purpose. It is therefor great to put it to our awareness that we can treat ourselves with the utmost love and care in life.
I have no doubt of the power in a tender and conscious touch. Beautiful to read about your experience of bringing this to yourself Adele and where it lead to.
The love you hold for yourself Adele feels completely beautiful…it makes me wonder why we so heavily invest in others loving ourselves before we are prepared to make that commitment first to ourselves?
Adele what you have demonstrated so beautifully is that the art of self love is a very practical one and I would surmise that if it’s not practical then it’s probably non existent.
To treat ourselves with the love and tenderness we yearn another to treat us with… Which is the key to deepening our relationship with ourselves and from there all other relationships. How simple and yet so powerful, and something I cherish every single day.
This is an article that holds a deep healing within its words. To learn again the tenderly touch and hold our bodies, as we would a baby, to give this to ourselves, and then naturally to others totally brings to our world the power of living love, not just speaking of it.
Adele, this is gorgeous – and I love this sentence in particular: “In experiencing an intimate relationship with another, what I found was with the experience of holding myself, it is very natural to then hold another, both energetically and physically. But what I have also realised is, holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.” How we are with ourselves is actually how we are with those around us too. And so it is for us to forever keep developing this tenderness, love, respect and care for ourselves, for this is then what we share with all.
The relationship that we have with ourselves is so key to all of our relationships with others, no matter their gender. When we hold ourselves in deep love and honour, we take this with us like a beacon of truth for others to feel and know, and everyone that we interact with is held in that absolute equality and love.
The relationship that we have with ourselves is also the relationship that we have with God, it is not possible to have a self abusive relationship and love God, despite the fact that many people proclaim this to be true.
Gorgeous Adele, ‘what I found was with the experience of holding myself, it is very natural to then hold another, both energetically and physically.’ I am also finding that by holding myself I naturally hold others, if I take care of myself, love myself and am confident in myself then the feeling of holding – loving and adoring another is very natural, this is gorgeous to feel and I know is felt and appreciated by others.
I know what you say about being held, I love being held, and like you I have been single for several years, but I too discovered that it is possible to hold myself in a way that my body surrenders to and recognises as deeply tender and loving, not so just because of the physical touch but because I am present and truly connected with my body.
I love the awareness you bring here Adele – “holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.”
As I continue to explore the ‘holding on to and letting go of’ attachments in various forms e.g. material stuff, neediness, emotional attachments to others, holding back my personal expression etc, there is a beautiful love affair with myself re-developing that is deconstructing the seemingly solid walls of protection held for so long and profoundly deepening relationship with others.
Thanks so much for writing such a cool blog, Adele. There is no need in a true relationship and your experience explains this beautifully. Your writing made me think about the way I’ve embraced, hugged or held hands has been with a squeeze or back slap – something that is intended to show love but in many ways only takes us away from a loving connection. A gentle, surrendering hand or hug feels completely different and is a lovely, intimate experience.
This makes me feel how amazing it is to be in a relationship with ourself. Enjoying the love deep within.
We can never be alone when we are in love with ourselves and what a beautiful reflection to everyone we meet.
Adele by being so full of your own love, you allow others to simply be themselves and that is a very rare gift indeed.
Adele what you have shared is so,so beautiful, you conjure up in me the image of an incredibly exquisite and rare flower.
Adele I just love your blog and share the holding hands experience and feel inspired to be more aware if its attachment or beholding. Thank you so much for this precious blog. With lots of love from Switzerland.
When we support ourselves through loving and nourishing choices, we begin to hold ourselves, we have a strong foundation and sense of self, and then grace can flow through us.
The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would. Love this idea Adele, and as I ponder on it, I can see where I can deepen my relationship with myself, just by giving myself permission to do so.
Reading your blog again Adele has made me consider that when we feel disconnected from ourselves and from God we feel a lack of something very solid and so seek security in many ways, one of which is relationships. But if we surrender to the stillness, the love and the holding that is always there within us and all around us, then we will approach all our relationships in a different way.
Great point, Andrew, we can look to others to provide us with the key, that we have mislaid and only we can find. It comes back to us taking responsibility for loving ourselves first and deepening that connection with ourselves, with God and with everyone else.
A beautiful starting point Adele… one that I am exploring for myself for the first time aged 44. How crazy is that, to not have developed that relationship with self first? And what does it mean we are offering to another when we are in relationship.
There are moments in my day where I truly connect to the delicateness within and and then there are large chunks when instead I get caught up in busyness, doing, getting things done and drive. Why do I not bring what I know feels incredible with me to whatever I am doing?
When we take a closer look, often the things we expect our partners and loved ones to do for us, we don’t in fact do for ourselves. How beautiful to even consider we can hold ourselves as tenderly and gently as we would wish a loving partner to, and then to actually choose to be that way every day? Wow.
‘There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.’ The depth of your loving awareness is inspirational to behold, thank you Adele.
I like in the description of yourself that you say ‘simplicity is the new black.’ How cool.
Letting another grow in his/her own pace and rhythm is a reflection of letting myself do the same and not expecting myself to be somebody I am not.
Thank you for sharing how the ways that you held and supported yourself expanded and allowed this awesome blossoming of you and all you have to share with the world. Being confident that we will always be held within God’s arms and our own is such a beautiful reflection in this world where so many of us have spent lifetimes operating from neediness and what others can give to us. Dropping this need to hold onto others is so freeing both for them and us.
Beautiful to feel the loving relationship you have built with yourself – very inspiring Adele!
Awesome Adele, love love love this article and this line “It simply began with the most direct and physical experience of crisscrossing my hands to touch my two arms in the most delicate and gentle way… and my whole body instantly melted” made me instantly aware of how I was sitting and holding myself and yes bringing awareness and the same delicateness I felt myself melt to. Wow we hold so much power in delicacy.
When I hold myself I know I am complete (not perfect, but simply complete in that moment) – then when I come into relationship with anyone there is no need, only a willingness to reflect and behold. This is a beautiful article, Adele, thank you.
When I am in uncertainty about a situation regarding someone else, I would bring the question back to myself. What would I do to myself if I (rather than to the other person) were to feel absolutely loved in this situation, and that would be my answer.
A beautiful way to learn and grow in relationship, Adele.
‘There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.’ …. just beautiful, love what you share here, Adele. How often are we in relationships where we are full of love, for ourselves and others. Being so, we are just sharing our gorgeous selves and appreciating the essence of another without a need for anything, we are already full, with love.
What a beautiful blog, thank you, Adele, for your very intimate and tender sharing. Reading this …. ‘The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’ I realise this is something I can do for myself too, it’s just a choice to do so.
Adele, your blog here describes something truly exquisite thank you so much for writing of your experience. What I love is how in your choice to be single you chose a path of exploration.. exploring yourself, getting to know you again and brining your awareness to as many small moments and behaviours as you could. This sounds like a lot of fun really 🙂 As what you’ve discovered came without the attachment to others and from a wholeness within yourself all I can feel is that you’ve let go and are not holding onto or carrying past hurts, this is huge to appreciate and to inspire everyone to know that they too can be in true relationship and thus true union with others and have that be an unemotional and truly loving way to be with each other.
Wow! Exquisite blog Adele, absolutely beautiful and hugely inspiring. I can feel the love shining through your words and wisdom pouring through, incredible and a huge blessing to read.
I agree Adele it is so important that we behold our self so as to be able to behold all of humanity, as every-one deserves to be held in love. As I deepen the beholding energy for myself I have observed how this enables me to deepen this with all
Beautiful blog Adele, the power of loving oneself and holding one self is to the key to too holding another without any attached or need. What you have shared is some great ways to build that love and holding within oneself.
Relationships are like the world wide web in physical life, they interconnect and affect everything, therefore it is wise to commit to a deepening relationship with ourselves whether we are in a relationship with another or not.
Wow Adele – what a cool experiment with yourself! And i love what you say here; ‘holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.’ – this is so true and something I learnt the hard way. To let go and have a relationship based on purpose rather than need or attachment is a whole new ballgame. Watch out world.
Superb and brilliantly expressed blog Adele. I was deeply touched by your commitment to developing your relationship with yourself and the way in which you have shared this with the world. Absolutely inspiring, thank you.
I love holding hands too it is so sacred and all that is needed sometimes to make love with another. I find it deeply affectionate. I appreciate noting it here for what it truly is.
‘I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself.’ How rich life can be when we choose to walk it with ourselves, deepening this relationship, rather than going against it.
One of the features of a relationship is that the parts or issues of ours that we haven’t resolved are being noticed, sometimes very strongly, by the other, which makes it much easier for us to notice these parts or issues ourselves and therefore resolve them.
I love the practicality of this gorgeous blog Adele – how often do people get caught in relationships out of neediness and wanting to be held and cherished by another. This takes deeply loving ourselves to another level and to be held by the love we deeply are is so nurturing and freeing.
Truly beautiful to read. What you offered yourself was just stunning and a gorgeous foundation to then take into a relationship with another. Every moment in life is truly an opportunity to deepen connection with yourself or others.
It’s gorgeous to read your writing and feel what you express Adele. Always drops of wisdom that come in a simple form, full of love.
‘…holding hands is one of the most intimate feelings in the world, as we are exchanging from our hearts with each other in a very pure way: I love holding a partner’s hands.’ I’m with you there Adele. To me this also feels as intimate (if not more so) than making love. I love the innocence and purity of it… and the portable nature of it – it’s something you can do with a loved one anywhere, anytime!
Starting with a simple physical gesture is a great way to go in terms of coming to understand or feel something different or new. The act of holding oneself described here is analogous with the Esoteric bodywork sessions I have had over the years. These enabled me to experience a different way of being – via my body in a felt way rather than as a mental concept. Very practical, very grounded in the real.
Adele your sharing opened my heart and I felt the true love that I hold within for myself too. There have been times when I could have chosen to be in a relationship again but recognize I am learning to be in relationship with myself first. You share that there is a difference in holding and attachment, with attachment there is expectations of someone always being there for us, a neediness, but all we need is for us to know we are always there first and foremost for ourselves our one true love. From this relationship with ourselves we then take this out into the world in all our relationships with humanity. Thank you Adele for your beautiful sharing and a lovely start to my day!
Adele, this is a deeply inspiring blog to read. As a single woman I have been practising some of which you write but there is a whole new level that I can go to in self-dating and I am up for it 😉 Thank you.
I’m inspired to go much deeper in my relationship with myself, to truly behold myself in and with the Love I already am. Being single offers such grace in the knowing that I am all I can ever be just by being present with me. I’ve realised how much I have dulled myself down in order to be with others as if I would be “too much” to hold, living with the expectation that to be in a relationship with another I would have to compromise the love I held myself in. Yet the more I choose to simply express from the Love I hold myself in, the greater the intimacy and tender-hearted exchanges I have with others and the more I realise how much deeper I can go with this. Feeling that it all flows from the quality I hold myself in is wonderful and humbling, too as I learn to open up to the vastness that Love is.
Beautiful writing Adele. Holding someone vs holding onto someone – how different that feels in how you’ve expressed it.
Our most important relationship is the one we have with ourselves, for in it is found God and all others. This is a deeply gorgeous blog Adele, thank you for your beholding love.
The truth presented through you Liane, brings the most tender, solid and fiery warmth to be felt in the tail of my spine, thank you.
‘The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would.’ Your words are as exquisite as a water colour of cherry blossom Adele. If every man and woman would begin with this simple practice of self-love the world would truly start to come into its own instead of destroying itself.
Hello Adele and it’s great to build a relationship with ourselves and while we can be a great reflection for ourselves at times is hard to see the ‘mountains from the trees’. In other words from my experience we can be our own worst enemy with things. I have also found the building of relationship with myself has always included others as reflection points. By others that can be people, objects, nature etc it’s not just people. From what I have seen we are here at different points together for a reason and the reflections that are possible are actually endless. Enjoying and appreciating the relationship with yourself through the reflection of others.
There cannot be one without the other Ray, and for different people, we develop one first and deeper than the other, to come back to a relationship which ultimately is unified.
’I discovered that every moment in life is an opportunity to deepen this relationship with myself. I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ – I absolutely love this blog Adele, it is huge to come to the realisation that the most important relationship we will ever have, is the one with ourselves.
How we are with ourselves is not only how we are with others but how others are with us. It’s all refection and it’s up to us to take note.
Everything we want from others we can give ourselves, so that when we choose to be with someone there is no agenda and nothing is needed, then we are free to be beholding. Being in relationship to fill or complete oneself is already putting conditions on what that person needs to bring to the table and is asking them to perhaps be something other than who they are.
Very gorgeous Adele. I too love being held and have come to realise that held we constantly are, every single one of us, and that is our natural way of being. When we choose to develop a loving relationship with ourselves and our bodies, allow ourselves to surrender to and explore the tender, precious and delicate Love we are within, we will come to know the simplicity that Love is, an ever-present embrace of God that we all equally live within.
It’s so great that you bring up the difference between beholding and holding onto Adele. I can say from experience that the majority of when I put my hand out to hold another’s in walking it is because I want to be seen with them, like an ownership thing, and that is certainly a holding onto energy which really doesn’t feel intimate at all. I can feel the delight in holding a loved ones hand for the purity of connection with no other agenda – what a Joy!
This is so very beautiful, and as I read it again for the second time and let myself hold myself tenderly as you describe Adele, I let myself melt into me. There is so much to cherish and adore…. about ourselves. I feel a whole new marker set by your inspiring piece here of how to deepen and cherish and fall in love with me, truly, madly, deeply — holding myself in the arms of my own love, which is the same love of my soul.
This is so lovely Adele. All the qualities you have built for yourself in your life can be shared with others and in your new relationship. How gorgeous.
I love holding hands too Adele, and breaking down the beliefs about with whom and at what age it is or is not ‘allowed ‘ or appropriate to hold hands. There is a beautiful tender connection hand to hand, which surpasses age, gender and relationship.
“There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.” This is a perfect description of love. Love asks nothing of us, it simply just is.
I really enjoyed reading this blog and could feel how I have a need at times and how imposing that can be on another.
Really we are all in relationship all the time and none of us is ever alone although we can at times choose to be in disconnection to ourselves, each other and the magic of nature that surrounds us.
I can really feel that you have developed a loving relationship with yourself, it is very inspiring.
There is a huge difference between being in a relationship with attachment and being in a relationship where you are beholding of another.
Whilst reading your blog Adele, I chose to gently hold my arms in the way you describe and it was so gorgeous to feel. A lot of hardness has been releasing from my arms lately as I choose to be more gentle and loving with myself, and to gently hold myself in this way felt very loving and supportive – thank you for your inspiration!
Very beautiful Adele thank you for your sharing on beholding -such a divine quality to fully embrace for ourselves and then open up to others with this graciousness. The total absence of imposition, wanting or needing is cleared when we are fully claiming and living our own love in its completeness.
A simple beginning to a life long love affair with ourselves – ‘crisscrossing my hands to touch my two arms in the most delicate and gentle way… and my whole body instantly melted. With this I had the simple confirmation that I can hold myself’. It costs nothing and is a continually compounding investment. Gorgeous Adele.
What a lovely, gentle read this was for me this evening Adele, I felt held by every word. I tried crisscrossing my arms too and it really works, it is like giving myself a tender loving embrace as if I am the only person that matters…. and I love how you share that the quality of the relationship I hold with myself is reflected in the relationship I have with others, thank you, I shall remember those words when I feel myself looking outside of me for confirmation of who I am when I know already that I hold everyone I will ever need inside of me.
Wow Adele, this blog could not be more fitting and super appropriate for me to read today. It is gorgeous to share and be with another who treats you with delicate respect and wonder. But if you look to them as your original source of Love, it will make everything crumble. For as you say so simply, it is our job to hold ourselves true in every way. And when we do this in no uncertain terms then we can hold others in this Love too, and this is really what we are here on this earth to do.
I agree Joseph, it is what we are here to do. To hold ourselves and others in love, so simple life is yet we have managed to make it so complicated. It is brilliant for me to read your comment and this blog, inspiring me in every way to simply be love in my every day.
This is beautiful to read Adele and as I have experienced even while reading this blog that no matter what is going on around me or what has happened to my body I can still hold myself in a space that feels calm and supportive.
Beautifully said Leigh, when we choose this we become a beacon and a huge support to others as they waver and wonder away from Love in themselves. It is amazing to realise we don’t need a certain circumstance or arrangement to live, feel beauty and to be Love. Thanks to you and Adele.
Wow wow wow. So inspired by the deeply loving, tender and ever dedicated delicacy you embrace with yourself. Placing no issues, pressures or expectations on others as the understanding you live with yourself is what you bring to others.
“And in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching.” Ah yes, such a great point Adele. There is a great difference between holding and attaching as in keeping the other person to stay with you. BeHolding a hand is the most beautiful thing as I feel my love and hold the other their hand in that.
Yes, such a great point and wonderful you highlighted it Lieke as I reflected on my relationship with others as being one of attachment – i.e. need and how actually I didn’t need to be that way anymore. And then I wondered how I could be which is beholding, how beautiful to have a way that I can feel is true and full of beauty and not need to revert back to old behaviours I’ve felt as retarding.
I was “alone” for 10 years after my divorce. I realized that I had not spent much time by myself in my life. This time by myself allowed me explore this concept of being alone.
Simple-Living Global has presented that if you are lonely, you are just missing yourself.
I realized that this was true, I had abandoned myself when I was a child to get what I thought i needed from the outside world.
This realization and some true connection to myself brought up some deep sadness.
I am being myself more and more and this has allowed the loneliness to leave. It is feeling wonderful to love myself and not perform for the outside world.
There is something delightful about being held, hold and even holding yourself…. as you say Adele, the action brings a surrender that deepens the more delicately the holding is done.
How exquisite our relationship with ourselves can be, and then to take that awareness to another is heaven on earth.
I have chosen to remain single for a number of years as I noticed that I was searching for someone to hold on to and ticking the partner box realising that I was not prepared to love myself to the same level. There is a great sharing in this blog about the levels of self discovery that comes when we realise that no relationship can bring more quality to our own unless we make it about self love first.
I dreamed often of my face being lovingly held by another i don’t know where this longing came from it was not something that any of my past partners did. Then I gave myself permission to hold my own hand and cup my cheeks lovingly in a gesture that cherished me. It sounds a little crazy I know but it meant I was taking a moment to stop and say” hey I got you I am here for you” I realised that if I didn’t support myself and would be standing around waiting for another to do it.
That is amazing – everyone can hold us in love, even ourselves.
It doesn’t sound crazy at all, Nicole – it’s a beautiful gesture and I love that you’re here to share it with us ????
I appreciate your post Adelle as always. Your writing is a true living to what is going on in the body and the exact detail of your chosen words – beautiful. Your blog so easily adjusts your awareness back to that which is a choice to deeply hold yourself – A Simple Choice whenever you so choose. That is the Gift We Are!
Absolutely stunning Adele, and as I read this I felt deeply held… And Inspired to deepen constantly and always the precious relationship I have with myself — and hence with all others. I realised reading this there is so much more to go, so much more to deepen.
So true Katerina, I feel the same – there is so much more to deepen, what a beautiful way of discovering how we can really hold ourselves truly lovingly.
Gorgeous, confirming blog of our divinity, preciousness and relationship with Love.
Developing an intimate relationship with ourselves and loving ourselves to the bone will naturally be expressed with all others.
How important it is to discern if we are beholding or attaching to anyone or anything. I could feel some very uncomfortable truths as I read this blog. I can see I have been addicted to attachment both outwardly and coming back at me. Thank you for sharing your awareness Adele.
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” Oh how beautiful to be truly held.
I feel this whenever I get onto a treatment table and with my surrender I find a new marker. It feels almost unachievable to reach that mark in my day to day living. But by bringing awareness to how I currently hold myself I will slowly work myself towards that state of surrender.
This is a great reflection of the intimacy we can develop with ourselves rather than seeking a less than version from another based on a need.
Feeling settled within yourself and taking that love foundation with you, really does support any relationship that we choose to enter into, and is really the only way to start relationships with others where there is no imposition on the other, so both of you are left to be your amazing selves.
Adele I love your simple and thus profound sharing about ‘to be held and to behold. What I read is you appreciate you and you confirm you all of the time. Your quality of love in all that you do with yourself and with others.’I would always feel full when I chose to give back to myself.’ says it all.
Adele your blog is both delightful and insightful, with lots of tips on dating with oneself. I also love that you now sometimes detach from holding hands with another, ‘because I know love is being chosen and nothing can actually be lost.’ A great example of how developing a relationship with ourselves enables us to bring a fullness to our relationships with others.
“Holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone”- this is so awesome and I can feel the total unattachment when we are holding someone in love rather than holding onto someone in fear that they may leave. This is a great foundation for all of our relationships whether it be as a parent, a partner, work colleague or a close friend.
‘To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.’ This is a profound truth about life, and it is so interesting that mostly we think that surrender puts us into a vulnerable situation and therefore not a safe one. As you have indicated Adele, the opposite is true. As with most true wisdom, we have been living the opposite of it on earth, and that is why the world is so miserable, overwhelmed and conflicted!
What a deeply beautiful blog Adele! The holding quality and delicacy of your tenderness and love can be felt through every word.
Yes just so Lyndy, it is what I found also, deeply resonating indeed.
This is marvellous Adele. A true relationship comes with no need, it is not love if we ‘hold onto’ another but rather ‘hold them’ which is to simply feel them all the time. Love is the presence that expresses the gesture.
So lovely to read your words Adele and remind myself how gorgeous it is to feel the depth of intimacy when I tenderly feel my own skin and realise the deep sensitivity that I can sense within my body. When I connect in this way I can feel the hardness melt and a warm glow permeates my whole body. Today I will have fun being in contact with myself.
“In experiencing an intimate relationship with another, what I found was with the experience of holding myself, it is very natural to then hold another, both energetically and physically. But what I have also realised is, holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.” How true, when we truly love ourselves then we can truly love another, so it makes sense to me that if we hold ourselves, then we can hold another. How powerful we can be when we learn to love, hold and behold ourselves. This is so different to the neediness that is behind our wanting to hold on to another. What an amazing healing humanity would experience as more and more people learn and practice loving and holding themselves with no need for another to provide it. And when two people are willing to approach a relationship in this way then what an amazing relationship can be experienced.
‘I choose the quality of my relationships to be; and that this quality of relationships will come back to meet me’ – A gorgeous line Adele. We determine the quality of relationship that meets us, by how we express ourselves in that relationship, what we choose to accept and through how we hold/treat ourselves which is reflected to others.
Absolutely Susie, very well said. This level of acceptance and holding of ourselves is so supportive. What we reflect to others is a responsibility that belongs to us and one that we can embrace or ignore. I am learning to take responsibility for how and what I reflect to others. When I make it about me it feels awful but when I make it about people and about evolution it feels expansive, loving and joyful.
“To be held is a feeling of deep surrender, where we know no matter what happens we are safe. It is a moment of absolute communion with God and with our bodies.” You have expressed that so beautifully, Adele, in what is a truly beautiful article. I love how you have experimented in using various ways to enable you to hold and behold yourself with no need in your body to want that holding and beholding from another outside of yourself. What a beautiful way to approach this, this goes beyond loving yourself, you have been deepening your love in such an amazing way. I will be seriously looking at this approach myself, thank you.
This brings me back to the truth that ” Love is a Beholding Light ” This feels all encompassing and totally complete and translates perfectly into our daily lives as you have shown here.
Adele, I know what you mean to be held by another is something I absolutely cherish and my whole body surrenders. To be able to give this gift to another is very special as well. For me it is hard to beat the feeling when you fully allow allow yourself and body to surrender and simply be with another.
‘And in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching.’ This is like hugs – are we celebrating each other or taking what we feel we need? To walk in equal love is divine, no demands of each other, simply a sharing of space and joy in each other’s company.
I used to be needy and want to hold on to people, emotionally and physically, be comforted, protected, checked out “…holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.” This is a completely different experience to actually holding someone energetically and with love. I do not have needs for others as I once did, I enjoy others company but I am not imposing, I offer love without an expectation to have something returned or want something from another. I hold myself and others in love.
Adele, I love when you say “There is no attachment in beholding, it is simply feeling myself and another (others) at all times, and that is love.” As many people still understand love to be loaded with emotions and attachment when in reality it is not.
How inspiring is it to read that someone has taken the time and responsibility to build a relationship with herself and actively choose to be single. This totally breaks the belief that we have to be in a relationship or there is something wrong with you.
Another great blog thanks Adele. It reminds me that recently I heard an audio presentation where it was presented that we all love hugs because we crave the love, warmth and being met and connected to but there is a difference between hugging to hold another in that warmth and hugging out of need of the warmth or with emptiness. The quality of these hugs feel very different and I have certainly experienced both types from others and from myself. When we hold ourselves in love we can share this with others naturally.
To take the time to build a loving relationship with myself has been the most honouring choice I have ever made. When I first made this choice I realised that I really didn’t know who I truly was, but with a deep and unwavering commitment slowly and very surely I began to understand for the first time in this life who Ingrid was, and what a wonderful journey it has been; as the saying goes -I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
Love this blog Adele and I love the easy style in which you express, expressed in truth and lived and is for us all.
I love the feeling that we can hold ourselves in a loving a supportive way in how we are doing things based on being self-loving just as we can be toward others.
Adele, this article is absolutely beautiful, I love this, ‘crisscrossing my hands to touch my two arms in the most delicate and gentle way… and my whole body instantly melted. With this I had the simple confirmation that I can hold myself’, I have also been doing this when I first wake up in the mornings, it feels very beautiful and loving to start the day with a self – hug, holding and adoring myself and feeling my beauty and grace, I love how you have expanded on this, very lovely to read.
Another beautiful blog, Adele. I love the intimacy with which you share yourself – it is very inspiring
Thank you, Adele, there is so much beauty in your words. I love the word ‘beholding’ – it speaks to me of something we all have a right to have growing up, to be held in a way where we are supported to blossom and become fully ourselves without the imposition of need or judgement from the other.
Beautiful blog Adele, and how amazing to feel the real power attained from learning how to hold yourself that then naturally unfolds into knowing how and being able to hold another so lightly and completely in the world. You bring a whole new awareness to holding one another’s hands, a moment to exchange the love we hold in our hearts, a moment to uphold and appreciate what another person brings. And recognising when there is a time to let go and simply honour one another’s choices and all the grace, truth and beauty we are. A new bench mark in the world to allow us to know what true relationship is all about.
What a journey Adele, starting with holding yourself and then playfully taking this sense with you through life. What a delightful experiment and learning journey you have been on. Time to explore my own journey back to self love as there is great power when we deepen this cycle of coming back to ourselves.
I love this line – “holding someone is not the same as holding onto someone.” Recently I have been letting go of any investment I have of people having to be a certain way so that I can feel safe in the world and it has been life changing. We cannot hold onto anything, be it a person, a hurt, an ideal, etc. All that is needed is to allow another and ourselves to just be who we are and in that we are holding ourselves and another in love.
Love what you have shared here Elizabeth, sometimes people are looking for that protection from us and if we fall into that illusion of providing protection we are lost. This can run very deep. Letting go of any investment wherever we are on the spectrum frees us up to be ourselves and be the love that we are.
Simply beautiful – beholding is a very precious and superbly loving gesture that is fulfilling and requires no external props at all, to start with. And if it expands to include another/others, then that is just as amazing, just in a different way.
Gabriele today I fully appreciate what “beholding” is yet when I first heard the term it made no sense to me. It was not part of my everyday life. What was more shocking though was that when someone is holding you in love because it does not come with all the emotion you can easily think its not love. That is one of the most disturbing things, that the one thing we all want “love” is often rejected as it does not meet the picture of what we think love is. In the end though as you’ve shared beholding is the most loving feeling in the world.
Hold hands. Children do it without thought. Then, as boys we are taught that we should not do that, we could get cooties! Then the hormones kick in and hold hands becomes a fumbling awkward exercise. Once mastered it becomes PDA (public displayed affection) showing the world we can have a relationship, or it can be a form of ownership and showing off. Holding hands and one could add hugs was always something I held back on. Now I know that both are not just a joining of the flesh for some alternative reason but an equal sharing of the celebration of ourselves with another.
Holding hands should always feel like how children do it—before all the pictures come in.
This feeling is priceless as there is no agenda, no expectations and not drive or action. There is the simplest action of being with one another.
“I have been single for the last four years and have chosen this period of grace to explore and understand more deeply what it means to hold myself.” So often we see being single as a barren waste land , yet you have seen being single as an opportunity to grow and build a relationship with yourself, rather than the neediness of finding a new partner. I love the simple act you offer Adele, of holding yourself by wrapping your arms around you, I just gave it a try and it felt very loving and stopped any negative thoughts that were going through my mind at the time.
Your blog reminded me how much I love being held physically but it also reminded me how much I have grown and how much I naturally love and hold myself by just being, which I don’t feel I have seen in this way before. Growing up, like pretty much everyone else, I wanted confirmation of myself, that I am loved by others but I have just realised this need or want is no longer there and although open to being in a relationship with another (although we are in relationships all day every day with everyone around us!) I have not appreciated just how much I love and hold myself energetically.
Powerful and poignant Adele. The body is a marker of truth and to bring the discernment to how you are holding hands with another is a simple and supportive tool to feel if there is neediness or love in any moment.
“And in holding another’s hands, I have been asked to discern if I am beholding or attaching. Do I hold another’s hands wanting them to be with me, or do I hold another’s hands in respect that they will walk at the pace they are comfortable with? Sometimes I physically let go of another’s hand because I know love is being chosen and nothing can actually be lost”.
Adele I am deeply inspired by your blog. The depths of loving myself and expressing this back to myself have now taken on a whole new meaning. You are amazing!
How simple life can be when we stop searching for another to hold us and ‘provide love’. Adele, your exploration of bringing this back to ‘holding and having deep love’ for yourself. Letting go of attachments to others is clearly self-empowering and equally inspiring to read. Grace and the magic of God is tangible with your words
“The idea was always to hold myself and express to myself like the most delicate and loving partner would”.
Adele, what a beautiful blog. It is filled with an exquisite delicateness and tenderness for and with yourself which emanates off the page and I feel held in the same quality as I read it.
Yes the tenderness that is shared here simply invites and inspires me to deepen the care with which I hold myself; knowing the impact this will have on all my relationships.
Beautiful Adele. When we trust ourselves in being all the love that we are then we can meet another in equalness with no attachment to holding on.
I have always known that it is impossible to love another unless you love yourself, but this takes that so much further Adele, truly taking care of oneself with such deep care can only make relationships when they come along so much deeper.
Yes. This is extremely inspiring. Thank you Adele for making such deep self-love feel so normal.
Adele to have that time to really build a relationship with yourself and what you’ve discovered is quite amazing as then the quality you bring to all relationships is completely different. I love the concept of beholding instead of holding onto, its something that in my early twenties I did not even know about yet I feel it is certainly the way to be.
Adele, deeply inspiring to meet your beautiful self this morning. Arriving at a place where we have a divine relationship with self is glorious. I love the simple examples of how you held yourself as you grew to adore and be at home with yo. This new-found sense of self there to support you now you have chosen to be in relationship with another. I also found living and being ‘single’ opened up space to build an inner foundation that was not present before. I now lovingly hold myself, whereas for most of my life I expected to be held by another.
Holding ourselves with tender love and care is the beauty that beholds us all. Thank you Adele.
Self-dating – what a marvelous way to develop the capacity to love! For how can we truly give to another if we don’t first love ourselves? If we come from a self-love deficit we are surely offering another – partner, child, friend, colleague – a fundamentally hollow version of ourselves.
Very true Victoria. The deepening of self and self dating I love and find comes very naturally. Now in an amazing relationship I get to bring that depth – and am continually learning to deepen the woman while being committed in a relationship – to hold who I am. Relationships are amazing like that because they let you feel what is still there to be unfolded and learned through the reflection -as well as confirming the grandness.
Thank you Adele, this is a beautiful love letter to oneself.
Oh, lovely expression Esther – a beautiful love letter to oneself, yes it’s just that.
I’ve never written a love letter to myself but I now feel to do so having read this blog. Thank you for the inspiration!
Spot on Esther, the spherical nature of love constantly expanding.
This is beautiful Adele, I remember a dear friend years ago sharing with me about holding my arms like you described as I was feeling quite anxious and sad, I felt immediately supported and this allowed me to calm down. Holding someone’s hand is a great gauge of our intention and attachment to another.
The connection within is something worth fostering. Once that is solidified the joy that can be experienced with others is 10 fold what we made for ourselves.
Yes and this is felt so tangibly by others that nothing else is needed to fill as there is no void.
It is a loving beholding you share with us Adele and that is so beautiful to read as the first thing in the morning today.
I so agree Nico, it is a beautiful expression and an awesome way start to any day reading this.
Absolutely gorgeous Adele. I can relate to much of what you have shared having been single myself for the last 3 years. Over this time, I have focused on giving and supporting myself with everything that I have ever wanted a partner to give me. From this offering to myself I have let go of a lot of the neediness that I have had in the past and as my love for myself deepens I now know that any future relationship will be confirming of the love that I am.
This feels like the most amazing way to go into a relationship Donna, so honouring of both yourself and your partner. Leaving the neediness behind and loving each other for so much more than the support they can offer you or even pandering to that neediness.
Holding hands is a lovely thing to do with anyone, you see it with young children in the line at school, normally with children between the ages of 2 and 6, and then it starts to get lost. As it isn’t cool but instead seen as a dependance on another or a gesture of liking someone too much, all crazy notions. I love what you share about what we feel in holding hands Adele, just like in any relationship itself, is it a dependancy on the other or just a love of their company.
Great point Stephen. Love can never be too much, as love is everything. That picture of liking someone too much so clearly illustrates how we have accepted a false version of our reduced self as well as of love, to fit into the norm of what feels comfortable to most.
I love holding hands and my husband and I fall asleep every night holding hands. It’s a beautiful quality to share with another.
Even holding hands with yourself feels pretty awesome. At times when I hold my hands together I remind myself of the tenderness and delicateness and deep support I am.
When I hold myself deeply and caringly it feels so beautiful and touching that often I wonder how can this not be my everyday and every moment? How can I leave any moment with myself not being in this absolute divineness?
Adele I’ve never read anyone express love in this way and as one reader I find it really encouraging and supportive on how I can deepen my relationship with myself in a loving way. Thank you so much.
This blog is very special Shevon. I feel that it is so holding of the reader. The quality Adele has developed in herself to hold herself and others in is absolutely emanating from this blog and holding the reader in that same beautiful quality. Just shows that everything we produce is held by our quality we are living in and from.
‘There is no attachment in beholding; it is simply feeling myself and another/others at all times, and that is love. ‘ This feels so expansive and all encompassing, Adele. You have expressed the universality of each of us. How often I have associated doing with depth of love shared and needing to be loved in this way. Connecting to an absolute knowing and communion with God within, allows space to behold ourselves and others without attachment. Holding hands feels amazing when it is truly beholding another. It is connecting to and appreciating the love we all are. Holding another from our neediness feels confining and contracted and prevents us from sharing the loveliness of who we are.