Recently I found myself playing a familiar yet not so comfortable game during the Universal Medicine UK Retreat Celebration Party. Because of the clarity I had gained from attending the Retreat, I was able to quickly and very clearly recognise an old pattern, one that I have been going into for as long as I can remember. This old pattern is one of withdrawal, guardedness and isolation, which has me distancing and separating myself from others, and this is not at all like the playful, light hearted, down-to-earth, sparkly person I normally am.
As I observed everyone else having fun, being open and playful with each other, engaging deeply in conversation and enjoying each other’s company, I was choosing to retract back into my shell and it felt horrible.
This is what I called ‘being shy’ in the old days, but now I see that it felt horrible because I was refusing to shine, I was hiding away, not wanting to be seen, and I was also making it ‘all about me.’ Though it was hard to face this truth, I welcomed it, as I saw I was not a victim but I had the simple choice to change, and that choice could be made in a moment.
Reflecting in this way about this experience I realised:
- Life is not just about me
- Life cannot be lived in isolation from each other
- Life reflects back to me where I am and I can’t blame others for my feeling lonely
- It is a choice to withdraw.
Then I asked myself, “Why do I withdraw?” Could it be that I am not honouring my own unique form of expression? Comparing myself to others, and thinking that I should be more like them, more open, more fun, more engaging – more liked by others. Could that be it?… That I am choosing to withdraw because I am dishonouring my own unique expression by trying to be like others!
The wanting to be liked by others, or the desire to feel special, comes from a lack of love for myself, and this also is a choice. As I looked deeper, the realisation came that this all comes from jealousy of and comparing myself to others, and a lack of appreciation for myself. However, all of this is NOT ME, not the true me.
How did I pull myself out of it? Quite simple. As I was standing on the dance floor like a wallflower, a beautiful woman came up behind me and put her arm around me. We walked around like this for a while and I started to feel myself coming back to me. We gently parted and I then found someone else to connect with, then another and another. I realised then that I had come back to feeling more of my essence. I felt more open and joyful, more connected to everyone, and even if I was dancing on my own, I had that connection to myself and the loneliness had gone.
Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.
What I learnt from this is that it is okay to be yourself. We are all unique in our expression, and by comparing ourselves to others we are giving ourselves away and not honouring ourselves in full as equal human beings. I have learned through the teachings of The Ageless Wisdom presented by Universal Medicine, that we are all equal in the eyes of God, so it doesn’t make sense to judge another or compare as we are on this path together – the path of return to who we truly are.
My shyness is not going to magically disappear overnight, but now I can acknowledge my shyness and work on that connection to myself and my connection with others, remain honest and open and allow myself to shine in my own unique way.
I shall endeavour to play this ‘hide and seek’ game no longer because I know who the true me is. I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.
With deep gratitude to Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and the reflection of the Universal Medicine Student Body, for without this reflection I would probably still be playing the old game.
By Sandra Henden, Administration Assistant, Norfolk, England
Further Reading:
The Strength and Power of Connection
Do we choose loneliness?
Why and how do we have loneliness in relationships?
614 Comments
Awesome Sandra, and I love what you’ve shared about how we can support others to connect deeper to themselves which can happen through inspiration too when we develop our own relationship with ourselves and then show others what this way of living is like.
Great blog Sandra and so relatable. There can hardly be a person on the planet who has not experienced a time of feeling shy. This reminds me too of how I can play it safe, not express how I am feeling and then feel less as a result. It is ridiculous the justification we can use for not being ourselves in full. Here you have shown how, with support you were able to reconnect to the amazing woman you are, and isn’t that support always there just waiting for us to connect to it ? And could it be because of your openness to more awareness you received the support that night of the Retreat Celebration?
I completely agree that when we are in connection with our essence we are in connection with all as we are all from the one source. This can sound just like words but to experience it as something else altogether 🙂
Maybe we can translate ‘shyness’ into ‘very sensitive and less committed’. Than we could appreciate the sensitivity and celebrate it and then find the tools to deal with what is felt, to be able to commit more. It is so familiar to go for our safety – but we get lost in it because we are made to be with others. True safety is found in the connection to who we truly are, in fact it is found in true religion, which means my relationship with God and my own divinity. This goes ahead with an enormous power and this power we have to take responsibility about. We have it anyway – so what? The role model I play in ‘shyness’ (withdrawing, separation, not taking responsibility) is not as powerful as I am as a divine being. So the question is: what will I like to inspire in? What kind of life do I like to live?
It’s so beautiful when we realise we are not alone with our feelings – that there is always a point where we can come back to ourselves and re-connect to our truth. In the past I have often felt isolated without realising that this was a choice I had made. and that when I connect to myself I will know I am not alone. As you have shared Sandra ‘There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this’ – and appreciating this we can let go and truly be the amazingness that we are.
Underneath the shyness is clearly an exquisite and delicate beauty. Honour the sensitivity, let the feelings deepen and in the holding and celebrating of ourselves we start to clock the quality of our movements, the quality of our breath. It’s easy then to fall in love with ourselves and cherish what we uniquely bring.
Yes, and very beautiful to feel the sensitivity and the honouring of ourselves in this way. Appreciation is an expansive quality.
‘There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others.’ This is so true Sandra and I have played this game with myself on many occasions feeling cut off from others but what I now recognise is that I have actually chosen to cut myself off from me and I can’t fool myself any longer. Here’s to celebrating our unique expression and hiding no more.
Knowing who you truly are makes the old patterns stand out and once aware of them you have reclaimed your power. Thank you Sandra for your openness and honesty and sharing the layers we can move through in order to release the grip these patterns have .
I have come to realise I often feel or have a picture in my head of how I should be, what I should be doing, how I have to be the gregarious out there Gyl, speaking to everyone, when often I feel to not speak. When I allow myself to feel it, it feels super dishonouring to my body, abusive actually. I have come to realise that often when I don’t speak it allows space to feel what’s really going on, for both myself or people.
Oh, how we grow up with pictures of how we ‘think’ we should be Gyl. Acceptance of our uniqueness is the way to go, and not worrying what anyone else thinks either, because they’re probably holding back too, either that or playing the ‘gregarious’ game when they really don’t feel like it on the inside.
I love how you share when we connect to ourselves no one is ever alone. I know this is true for myself and whenever I feel connected to me I automatically feel a beautiful connection to everything and everyone around me.
I can very much relate to this ‘shy’ game – coming up with all the excuses and stories in my head as to why I am not welcome, or inculded or wanted, why I should hold back and as you say it feels awful, to marginalise yourself and be your own worst enemy, pushing yourself to the sidelines and telling yourself thats where you belong. But as you say, when you realise this it makes it clear you are no victim but a product of your own choices, and so the power is in your hands to change it. Sometimes it has felt like an internal battle to over come my own bonds and step out and be seen, to make the steps and join in the conversation or put myself forward, and risk the possibility of rejection because what can be gained is so much greater.
Maybe that’s it Rebecca, we’re all afraid to take those steps because we are afraid of rejection, or being hurt, when the reality is that if we took those steps it would open up the way for more expression and that means more expansion, and voila expansion = evolution.
Sandra, this article is super supportive to read, I have had a very similar pattern, one of withdrawing and thinking I should be more like others – more fun etc etc and not appreciating my uniqueness and amazingness.
It appears Rebecca, that we all seem to be playing the same game when in fact we are ALL amazing and unique, we just left that behind eons ago, but with a little tender coaxing and a shed full of commitment we are beginning to re-claim our true essence, it may take many more lifetimes but the glorious thing is, we’re on our way and I for one have to keep reminding myself to appreciate that!
A great blog Sandra. ” I know what my essence feels like, and it is the real and true me, and I owe it to myself and others to honour the fragility and beauty of that.” Comparing ourselves with others is deadly – honouring our own uniqueness is the way to go.
Thanks Sue, it has certainly helped me along the way realising that my unique form of expression is well, unique to me, and not wrong, bad or less than anyone else. It’s just me! And you are absolutely right, comparison kills love and appreciation in its tracks. All I know is that when I have made the choice to feel my beauty and my power there is no need for comparison, it doesn’t even enter into the picture.
Thank you Sandra – I’m sure many can relate to what you share – I certainly do.
I love this line ” I felt more open and joyful, more connected to everyone, and even if I was dancing on my own, I had that connection to myself and the loneliness had gone.” I know this feeling, being on my own yet completely connected to myself and everyone else. As soon as I find myself needing someone else to be a certain way I know I have disconnected from me.
We waste so much time trying to connect with others on the outside and forget that all we need is that connection with ourselves first. I suppose the majority of us have forgotten what it feels like to be fully connected with ourselves, hence the reason we look outside for it. I’m no exception to that, I still look for that connection outside of me and will probably continue to do so until I make the choice to live in the fullness of me, claim my power and build that foundation of love in my body that nothing will shake!
The best way to overcome comparison is to be all who you are in the moment whether that is you or not.
This made me stop and ponder Rik, I suppose what you are saying is that it is no good waiting for the magic moment when we are fully connected to our Soul but to express truth, love and joy in every moment will bring us closer to our Soul naturally.
True connection is natural within us – it is our holding back from our connection with ourselves that keeps us in separation from connection with others.
“There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this”.
It is hugely ironic and deeply sad that we fight tooth and nail to disconnect, and remain disconnected from what we actually yearn to feel – our true selves. In affect we are battling with ourselves and have given our power away to what we think we are, instead of accepting and allowing what we truly are to come forth.
Universal Medicine’s retreats are an open invitation to a consistent daily rhythm and to an amazing level of connection and openess. I also find quite interesting what happens in the last night; during the celebration -a part of the program that is not going to be repeated the day after. Disconnecting, changing your movements and going back to old patterns is always an option. Yet, as I learn this year, there is no higher beauty than honouring the movement that flows naturally from and with the body.
It’s amazing how old patterns become the same as that favourite old item of clothing we just can’t dispose of and continue to wear. To change is a choice, so is not changing! We all have our own catalogue of reasons why we stay safe but are they all just about past hurts? We are not islands or ships that just pass each other in the dark. We all have a magnetic pull to each other so why to we fight this natural expression? When we let go of our resistance, magic happens and spreads everywhere we go.
Yes, why do we fight this natural expression, Steve? I have asked myself this questions many times over. I suppose something to appreciate is the fact that we KNOW we have a natural expression, but are not necessarily living it, then we can take steps to return to what is true. Thanks to the Way of the Livingness we are on our way home.
I love the oops part….. because that is all we have to do when we slip into an old pattern instead of beating ourselves up because we got it wrong, which is an old pattern of mine. I am using this word ‘oops’ too and am finding I can easily move on and let things go….
What an amazing realisation to have got to Sandra. Learning that withdrawal and isolation are simply choices made from lack of connection to self has to be one of the most important things to clock ever! How many of us can relate to what you are sharing? I would pretty much say everyone. For myself this is certainly the case but with ever deepening self appreciation and nurturing those feelings are a distant memory.
A beautiful acknowledgement that in those moments of comparison, anxiousness and jealousy we can simply take a breath to make space to honour and appreciate our unique qualities and the importance of bringing them to the big picture as equally important as everyone else’s.
Judging by the comments on this blog it appears that there are many of us who think we are shy and put ourselves into isolation because of it. Are we all playing the same game, when the simple answer is to just open up, let each other in and express how we are feeling. I’m still learning that myself, and sometimes I make mistakes along the way and hold back, but like you say Matilda, there is the bigger picture to consider, and although we may not always see the bigger picture it helps to know that everything happens for a reason, and even though we may not know what the bigger picture is, we can then surrender to the outcome and let go of controlling things to meet our expectations.
Beautifully claimed Sandra. When we make it all about self we shut others out so create a self-inflicted loneliness.
It is always a wake-up call when we realised that our own choices are causing our own conundrums.
I recognise that same pattern in me Sandra. Thank you for sharing how you are choosing to drop the old habit of hiding away. I used to call myself shy, but actually I am not. Something else is at play when I hold back and you have highlighted many reasons that make sense.
I also thought I was shy. As a child and growing up it wouldn’t take a lot for me to blush but as I become more confident within myself this behaviour hardly ever happens now. It is interesting what we think we are is actually not who we are when we make a commitment to living in connection to who we truly are.
For me Caroline, it was arms crossed, shoulders turned in, chin down, little eye contact, and when I was a teenager I hid my shyness with giggling. Since Universal Medicine I have discovered that if I change my posture it changes my mood, so no more cowering for me, or hiding my true height, or shuffling along like the world owes me, my commitment is to stand tall and no more hiding and without perfection making this my daily commitment to me.
The word shy to me means to shy away from something, whether it be our love, light, grandness, glory, sacredness, delicateness, power – all of those things. It doesn’t make sense does it, that we shy away from the one thing that we all yearn for but do very well at avoiding, and yet we choose to live in a manner that is a reduction of our true selves, when living as our true self would bring us all the love we ever wanted and more.
This is really beautiful. You noticed doing something that was hurting you and simply felt the impact of it, which makes it easier to accept a different choice the next time rather than simply repeating the same choice and feeling bad about it.
Yes being honest with ourselves in this way paves the way to a greater understanding. There is no value in being critical when we ‘oops,’ and we will always get another opportunity to make a different, more loving choice.
Exactly Victoria. The learning is the best part as this brings the appreciation of the steps we are taking and the true change taking place.
I agree Christoph this is really beautifull. In allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and feel what we are feeling we allow ourselves to be open to others and healing. This is a beautifull example from Sandra on the dance floor and she stood there and felt this someone came up and connected with her ????
Now, that IS evolution Christoph! Not only that, it was hurting me, yes, but also hurting others too… and that hurt.
Yes I found that hurting others often feels so much worse than our own hurt – and by starting to make different choices then these hurts can be addressed and healed for all.
I noticed as well Christoph, how making the choice to come out of my shell and allowing myself to connect with others had a knock on affect all around me. How wonderful would it be if we all lived like this, with an open heart and a connection to ourselves first, which would naturally mean a connection to everyone, the world would surely feel an enormous expansion and lightness taking us all nearer to our truth path of evolution, a return to our true nature.
Feeling bad about our ‘bad’ choices is probably also just an old pattern. Could it be that it is much more self loving to say ‘oops’… realise what has happened and take steps (movements), to heal and then move onto the next choice. I am also learning that if I miss one opportunity, another one will come along, and they will keep coming along until I get it, isn’t life wonderful, in as much as we will NEVER get away with anything and everything brings us back to Love… eventually.
I love your honesty Sandra and how you describe what was behind your withdrawal from others and from life. It seems you are well on your way of kicking this old pattern into touch.
Awareness is the key to kicking those patterns Rachel, so I have given up on giving myself a hard time when I feel I am going into an old pattern and appreciating the fact that I clock them in the first place. It is in fact a blessing, then if I make movements that will change my behaviours, things will begin to shift into a new way of being and I can start to evolve myself out of those patterns. Without the awareness I would just be stuck, and then so would everyone else around me!
I love the title Sandra it brings an honesty to the situation. I wonder if we called shyness by another name such as withdrawing from life or avoiding people that we would allow shyness to continue or be an acceptable part of our life. It is great you caught it Sandra and were able to see how it was not you and bring yourself back. I know whenever I have felt ‘shy’, it is because I have not wanted to be present in the moment and holding back from committing to being me in full.
I agree Alison, ‘shyness’ can be an insidious game that we play to avoid our power and responsibility and we will never truly evolve if we keep ourselves in isolation. It is a question I ask myself many times over ‘why do we avoid, reject and resist our power?’, I suppose the answer is different for everyone of us, but maybe it’s not, maybe we’re ALL afraid of feeling our power because we would then have to be responsible and let go of our comfort. So are we all playing the game, the game of hide (our truth) and seek (our light) until we make the choice to step into the light and reflect to each other that it is safe to come out of hiding.
Sandra, what a beautiful discovery and also a wonderful sharing of your experience. I love in particular how you have said the following: “Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.” – it is about allowing ourselves to just be ourselves. So simple, yet not always so easy to do! Thank you for this gentle and needed reminder that it is never about a performance, but simply about us being who we so naturally are.
In the past I have found myself ‘performing’, or trying to impress or attract attention from others, probably due to not feeling enough or nervous, but it is true what you say, it is ‘simply about us being who we so naturally are’, and if we are connected to ourselves, the connection with others naturally follows and life comes to us, there is no need to strive or project forwards which leads to anxiousness and sometimes disappointment, as our expectations may not be met, and the worst of all is being let down by our expectations of ourselves! I am working on accepting and appreciating myself for who I am, not just for what I do, this supports me in accepting where others are at, and appreciating them too, quite a simple choice like you say Henrietta, and not so always easy to do, but well worth the commitment.
It’s crazy isn’t it to actually want to be like others rather than fully expressing the unique and precious selves that we are. Many, myself included, will relate to this feeling of looking out at others believing them to be better than ourselves. Lovely that you have come out of the shadow and into the light fully claiming the beautiful woman you are.
It sure is Kehinde James. There is so much we can offer in our own special way. I have noticed the more I appreciate about myself the more I appreciate about others and then these qualities are shown in abundance.
Gorgeous blog Sandra! I used to be an expert at the ‘‘hide and seek’ game”, always hoping that someone would come to see where I was and save me from the self imposed state of seclusion I had chosen. Funnily enough, it usually never worked and I would end up feeling even more secluded and miserable than before. To know that this seclusion is a choice I have made shows me that I can also make another choice and open myself up to the people around me; now this feels much more freer and definitely much more enjoyable.
Once we realise that this self imposed seclusion of or own making it becomes empowering because we begin to realise that there is nothing wrong with us, it is just a choice to hide away because we don’t want to either be seen for who we truly are, to avoid responsibility or being hurt.
Sandra I so completely relate to this and I really appreciate your insightful realisations – as disturbing and uncomfortable as they are – I agree with your insights and I love that the positive outcome of this is to just appreciate our unique selves more, and more! We already know how lovely it is to feel connected with everyone but realizing we are abandoning our connection with ourselves and therefore everyone else, is pretty sobering – this is such an old childhood pattern of hurt in my case – definitely time to discard that old baggage! Thankyou.
I know this too Sandra, feeling not being part of the whole and in that holding back that sparkly and joyful me that wants to live and share his livingness with everybody he meets. And that hurts, when I am entrapped in my protection and now I think of it, it will also hurt all the others I am with.
This is true, Nico. I’m always aware that it’s a choice I’m making – whether it’s to shine or not. The big difference being that one feels great, the other less so.
That’s it Nick, the more we become aware of our behaviour, the more we have the choice to change it, simple as that! Awareness is definitely the key. Of course we can choose to dull our awareness or choose to ignore it, but that is another choice and like you say, doesn’t feel nice.
It’s crazy isn’t it Nico that we choose to fall into the trap of our own making, which does as you say, hurt beyond measure. But I suppose for many of us, we have been choosing this way for so long that we identify with it as being who we are, and then find it difficult to break out of it. Thank heavens for The Way of the Livingness, which has brought back into my awareness that it is just a choice, and I can choose misery or I can choose joy in any moment, the choice is all mine.
It is an awful feeling withdrawing, it feels like your standing out like a sore thumb and everyone can tell how you’re feeling. I’ve also compared myself to others playfulness and joy levels thinking I am so serious and wishing I was like them… which just makes me more serious and less playful! I’ve realised like you Sandra, it is a choice, and there are ways, tools and support to step closer to me than stepping further away.
And what a difference it makes when we can take the steps back from withdrawing to playfulness and interaction and connection – every particle in us rejoices and all the particles around us will rejoice with us as they can’t do anything else but match the reflection 🙂
For so long in my life I was this way too Sandra, awkward, uncomfortable and all on my own. Yet even at the time I could feel very strongly it was something I was choosing. I love how this blog unpacks this behaviour to see how making life all about ourselves shuts out and puts up barriers with everyone around. Wow what a beautiful antidote to see the way simple human touch cuts through instantly. I feel this is something we could all bring into our every day, that when there is diffciulty and disconnection, we can let touch lead the way.
Yes, Joseph, when I feel ‘all on my own’ these days it is a clear indication that I have cut myself off from the connection that is always and forever there for me and everyone.
You nailed it Janet, when you say ‘…I have cut myself off from the connection that is always and forever there for me and everyone’. The connection is not just for self, it is indeed for everyone. We are connected to everyone, all of the time, but think we are ‘all on our own’, which as somebody said to me recently, it is not old patterns of behaviour I was going into, it was just an indulgence, so once realised, it became easy to pull myself out of it and get back out there out there and connect with others.
It’s funny that we think we’re all on our own because we compare ourselves to others who look like they’re all together. But when we’re connected to ourselves we’re never really alone because in that connection we’re connected to the universe, and God – and how could we ever feel alone when we can feel all of that majesty and beauty all around us?
Timely reminder for me to keep looking out for that too Janet, as I have felt a bit like that lately – however observing myself while this was going on I also had the awareness that this was an illusion and as soon as I renounced the illusion, I could feel my connection to the all again and in the temporal world, was able to connect with others again on a deeper level too.
Why do we feel we can be all on our own… even in a crowd, disconnected? We walk around life in a mobile castle!! What kind of pressure does this put on our body’s Why, would we walk around with the weight of the world on our shoulders? ‘No man is an island’ is part of a famous quote about we are all involved in humankind and it is our responsibility not to hide.
Sometimes I can feel even more alone in a crowd than when I am home alone, I suppose that is when I have disconnected from myself which means I have closed myself off to others, making it all about me when the most responsible choice would be to let people in by opening myself up and making it about all of us.
So true Joseph. If we stay open to others when they are feeling shut down if offers them a reflection that they can then choose for themselves.
Beautiful and very supportive for all when we are able to be with others in this way, how powerful are our reflections …
Your first sentence Joseph certainly rings true for me, I spent years feeling uncomfortable but unlike you I blamed people for shutting me out not realising that I was creating the divide with my own disconnection to myself. In truth, we can try to make life about ourselves, but that doesn’t work – and I love the idea of how a simple touch can bring people closer together as after all, maybe what we all miss is the intimate connection but are afraid to make the first move.
The true connection we have with ourselves is so important……not only for ourselves, but for everyone else too, people can feel it……which can change many lives including our own. Very inspiring…..thank you for sharing your story with us all. One of the things your story reflects to me, is the power we all have…… being honest, taking responsibility for our own choices, to deeply appreciate, and value our own unique expressions.
The only thing that may stop me from valuing my own unique expression is going into jealously and comparison with others, which stops any form of love in its tracks, so bringing it back to appreciation of myself is the key… along with being honest and taking responsibility for my own choices.
So true Sandra, jealousy and comparison are absolutely detrimental to our evolution and serve no one. Taking responsibility for it is the first step to making a difference to this.
I heard a wise may say recently that when we begin to feel a little jealousy or comparison coming in to our thoughts to just say to ourselves ‘this person had made choices that I am not ready to make yet, or not chosen to make yet because of my undealt with hurts, yet they are no better or worse then me, we are all equal’, this doesn’t necessary alleviate the feeling of sadness that I have felt at not making the same choices but it sure has supported me in allowing myself to appreciate me and also appreciating others who are reflecting my own potential, and that of all of us, back to me. After all, we all need each other to evolve, we can’t do it alone.
Often we can find ourselves in a whole of disconnection and assuming people are blocking us out.
But in all respects we have created this wall that gives the impression to others to stay away.
Thus we compound the reality we think we have nothing to do with.
There is much truth in your words Luke. When I was younger I was a typical wallflower, and guess what, blamed everyone else for the fact that I was left alone and had few friends. Now I realise, thanks to Universal Medicine, that it was me that was shutting people out because I had lost the connection with myself…. too busy building up and hiding behind the protection and guardedness in my body. This was the reality I had created for myself, all based on a lie of course, and not based on responsibility for my own behaviour. Now that the barriers are coming down my world is changing around me, I have many friends, and most important of all, am building a loving relationship with myself.
Thanks Sandra for sharing your experiences, I still prefer to stand at the side at a party than dance, but connecting with people, that is always fun. It is great you have experienced that different way of interacting, and clocking when you are withdrawing, once it is done once the next time it is easier to clock and stay connected with you and with others.
You are right Stephen, once or twice I have found myself beginning to slip into old patterns. But this is just a choice, and usually an indulgence, but the realisation of what I am doing comes quicker and then it is quite a simple choice to come back to the connection with me, through getting over myself and connecting with others.
Thank you for sharing Stephen G that standing at the side can also be a way of sharing that is not withdrawing but the way you like to express who you are. It is interesting to understand that we all have different ways of expressing that may include engaging in a dance with a large groups of people, standing with a group of people or sitting on you own that is still not holding back who we are. What is noted here is the feeling that either way you are not alone but can feel the connection to the all.
Hiding in my shell is a behaviour I am familiar with when I’m not feeling good about myself. I love how Sandra drills down to what is really going on when it happens, and shows us a way back from this lonely place. Deeply appreciating our uniqueness and accepting our place allows us to each celebrate in our own way. I’m sure young people, especially of adolescent age, would appreciate the insight offered here.
Since I wrote this blog I have caught myself a few times going back into isolation when I haven’t felt too good about myself too! But the truth is, there is nowhere to hide as the Universe and everyone feels it, so the best thing we can do is call out what is not true, be honest with ourselves and phone a friend! And then we may realise that we are not the only ones living in this illusion and feeling down and isolated, miserable or depressed, so communicating, connecting and expressing our feelings to others is definitely the way to move on and certainly yes, if I had had this conversation with a willing ear when I was an adolescent I am sure I would have felt the benefit.
What a gorgeous blog Sandra Henden. You hit it on the head where you shared that we all have our unique expression that together bring an abundance of joy for everyone to enjoy. It is when we choose to sit in the pit of loneliness that creates the cycle of detachment and stops others from appreciating what we have to offer.
This is so true Natallija, sitting in our self-created pit of loneliness not only stops others from appreciating us, it stops US from appreciating ourselves too, so nobody wins in this game we play with each other.
Yes and not only that – it stops others from feeling welcome and therefor makes it harder for them to approach us too.
This is true Karina, and growing up I have played that game all too often, and THEN blame others for not approaching me. Someone has to make the first move which I am finally beginning to realise, so why not the first move be mine!
Yes.. so easy to feel that others don’t understand us, but only because we’re choosing to separate ourselves and not be who we truly are. When we just allow ourselves to be who we are, let go and open up, warts and all, we take down the guard and let others in, and life starts to feel big and grand again.
Thank you Sandra. The more we can be as honest as you have been the more humanity, me included has a reference point to do so naturally, not from shame or being less. Truly appreciated.
I am beginning to realise more and more how important it is to be honest with ourselves, and express how we truly feel to others, without giving ourselves a hard time, whether we feel great or whether we feel lost or fed up. Either way it is super important to express to someone who has a listening ear, because chances are, they have either been through, or are going through something similar themselves, which makes it a shared experience. There is a saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’, and although talking to someone may not take our ‘problem’ away, it goes a very long way to call out a behaviour that may be stuck in our body and through talking about it helps to heal it.
I love this ‘Through the support of others, I had come back to the connection with myself, where no one is ever alone. There is no need to try to connect to others, it is the connection with ourselves that is felt by others. This is true connection and no performing or trying is necessary to feel this.’ I held an assembly today for Year 7 students on puberty with the foundation being for them to appreciate who they are and their own uniqueness and how comparing ourselves with others just doesn’t do it. My relationship with me has changed so much since knowing Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, in fact before I saw this blog that is exactly what I found myself momentarily reflecting on … how much my life has changed. Always allow yourself to sparkle it gives others permission to do the same ✨
I love that Vicky ‘Always allow yourself to sparkle it gives others permission to do the same’…inside we are always sparkling, always ~ and reflecting that sparkle to others is the best service we can ever be to another.
It’s a great way to put it – love that as it makes it so clear that we always have the choice – to sparkle or to suppress it.