Parenting today is a completely different ball game to parenting 20 years ago. Today we have the advance of the technological era in the mix: Snap chatting, Instagram, Musical.ly, Facebook and many more social media influences in our children’s lives that are literally there and accessible 24/7, with messages popping up every few minutes tempting them to engage.
I am a mother and teacher. In the last few years and progressively more today, I can see and feel the pressures and imposition of technology and the way it is being used by our next generation.
Yes, children need to move with the times and keep up with their education, be computer savvy, know how to update, research and produce assessments, however, this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child. I see the loss of all of the above happening across the board with children because of their absorption into the social media world.
I remember in university how one educator shared the idea of the ‘television’ being the uninvited guest into our homes, and how our lounge rooms all faced towards this one uninvited guest. This point stayed with me and I began to realise the intrusiveness of this set-up and what we were inviting into our living rooms.
So from this presented point, I have since designed my living areas to not face the TV, but to face each other. The point of my sharing this with you is that back then it was a shock to me that I had chosen to be part of inviting this uninvited guest into my home each day, just through the way I set the furniture around, setting people up to face the TV and not each other… so you can imagine the shock when I became aware of just how disconnected our young are through the way they are engaging in technology and social media. It is filtering into every facet of their lives and is sold to them as the ‘way of connecting’.
Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?
As a parent and teacher, I see and feel…
- Children (as young as 8 through to teens) learning that connecting with people is through typing on a phone or on social media. No longer are many kids confident to have chats together and connect through play, call each other up, or meet up just to be around each other.
- Children relying on their phones like they are a safety blanket. It is disturbing to speak to children and hear how anxious they feel without their phone or how it feels like a family member has left them when they don’t have it.
- Children being ‘acceptably’ bullied by other children and even accessed inappropriately by unknown people through social media sites… and the children, or their parents, not doing anything about it because the children want to be part of that communication and don’t want to lose what they think is connection.
- Children being sold the belief that they will be out of the social circles at school or in their friendship groups if they haven’t kept up with the chats that have gone on during the evenings.
- Children spending more time on devices rather than just being allowed to be children or being lovingly interacted with. Children being given phones, iPads, Xboxes etc. to play on in their bedrooms, in their lounge rooms, in the car, when mum or dad need quiet or space or are busy. Is it any wonder that when they become pre-teen or teens that their devices and social media become their world and their attitude towards the adults around them is then a reflection of the previous years of lack of true connection?
- Children without their natural confidence and truly joyful smiles and laughs on their faces.
In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.
We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is, so they can then bring that to the social media sites if they so choose, but not because they need to or feel less without it.
Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.
It is with deep thanks and appreciation to Serge Benhayon, the presentations of Universal Medicine and my being willing and open, that I have over the years implemented self-care tools that today allow me to stand in and live, without perfection, the wisdom within. Meaning, I know I have all the answers inside of me; I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations.
Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me:
- To confirm the gem and grandness of children to them, highlighting who they truly are instead of it being about what they do.
- To express fully to children, like yesterday sharing with a gorgeous relative of mine how magical it was to watch her dance and play in the shallow waves at the beach as if no one was looking and to appreciate the playfulness that is there.
- To make sitting, chatting, holding, engaging with our eyes part of our everyday communications with each other – and providing the space for children to feel that this is true communication so that it becomes a marker in their body, allowing them to know without doubt when they are, or are not met, with that level of connection. From here they are supported to bring that connection to others.
- To have open and honest chats that explore things, like how certain food makes us feel, certain environments etc., or when we notice if someone in our family is acting different and then to be a supportive enquirer.
- To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.
- To feel comfortable not being the most popular parent or teacher when you feel from the depths of your body that a particular App, or even having a screen phone, is not supportive at the moment. Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.
- To be the loving listening ear when things come up that need discussing or to be shared. Believe me, a lot happens for 10 -13 year olds, much more than when I was that age. Growing up is tough today and when you grow up with engagement and connection, you also see and feel the lack of it around you… and that can be tricky at times.
- To allow kids to practise having responsibility, physically, through household chores, but also with taking responsibility for their actions or way of communicating… and that means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over.
- To support children to see and feel that sometimes, if someone doesn’t accept you because you are not participating in the thing they are doing, it is not you they are rejecting, but the fact you are not enjoining them in that unsupportive activity.
- To treat kids as equal, wise, gorgeous, precious and divine beings, knowing that even though our activities or responsibilities may differ, we all bring our own unique flavors and qualities.
- To live and reflect a living way that is true love and true religion in itself, with children being brought up knowing that they are equal Sons of God who can equally keep their light shining bright.
All children grow up. They become our next teachers, doctors, construction workers, health workers, lawyers, social workers and so on… and it is well worth supporting them to be able to truly and comfortably relate to, and care about people, for our future generations are one day going to look up to them for guidance. And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them.
So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Certificate of Early Childhood Education, Complementary Health – Esoteric Practitioner, Student of Counselling Diploma
Further Reading:
Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?
Technology: Are you Connected?
Pornography: Time to Say ENOUGH!
378 Comments
Thank you, Johanna. Your summary list of what being a true parent and teacher entails really moved me, because it is how every child deserves to be treated, but this is sadly not the case.
Yes every child deserves to be treated like that, and we did as children too and our parents and everyone before them did as well. Most of us and our generations before did not get this way of being with each other and so there were no or not many role models either that could lead the way. It shows then in the disconnectedness of our society world wide.
I had the same, Elizabeth: hours and hours I spent in front of the t.v. watching films and series. It influenced my quality of sleep and didn’t bring any true joy. Last year August of of sudden it was done and I haven’t watched anything since then. And yes, just like you wrote: ‘I have space in my life to build a deeper connection with myself and to do more fulfilling and more enjoyable things with my time.’
I remember a relative calling the telephone, when it was just introduced, an intruder, for as soon as it would go everyone stopped interacting and run to the phone. I still see this around me with adults and with kids: as soon as the mobile makes a sound everyone wants to know what the message or news is and let’s go of everything else. We fill our own empty feelings up with whatever is on offer on internet. And parents set the standard here by having the screens always at hand even during meals. Children see what we live much more than what we say.
This is so supportive – offering a blueprint for how to parent from our inner wisdom and this is the responsibility of all adults whether they have biological children or not. The pressures that children face with social media etc can feel overwhelming, and not just to them, so it is awesome to have someone at the coal-face sharing how they approach it.
I agree Helen it is very supportive. It is all adults responsibility to parent from our inner wisdom, as we all have this within. The pressures the kids are feeling today really are extremely challenging.
I have to see it is not just the kids these days that are feeling it – my generation also felt it very very much in fact I am sure all generations have felt it – and we did different things to not feel it… these days I guess access to the ‘not feeling it’ and do check out through technology is a very fast and easy way to get to and with growing awareness these days yes we have the option and the responsibility to support our young as we also have the knowhow to observe and see the results this behaviour produces much faster.
It is clear that if we don’t change our way with our devices we will end up with the creation of yet another mental condition as people grow up even less aware of who they truly are and that they do not need the devices to be them. Meeting our children and each other for who we truly are is a not to be glossed over form of responsibility we all have.
In a world where there has never been more digital technology or social media platforms there is a heightened and urgent need for each and every adult to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is. It is a responsibility that can be taken whether the child is within our own family or school or community.
Children no longer communicate with their parents, they learn about life from their friends, and from the Internet
It has always been interesting that the children of immigrants don’t have the accents of their parents but that of their peer group so they clearly learnt from them but the screens and internet seem to be a further step with unknown longterm effects.
I would say not all children do that. In our house communication was always encouraged and part of at least every dinner we had as that was when we sat together and ate and shared and talked. Communication in teenage years was still there too. Now my children,having left home a while back, are both learning to come back and communicate as they have found that here is a source of stillness and that they are listened to and held in a space of love, non judgment and support.
I know of people who think having a TV in their bedroom is a great idea, and some of them actually need to have it on in order to fall asleep, this says a lot about the state of our relationships nowadays, where we have substituted true intimacy with technology – disconnecting from the truth within ourselves.
Thanks Richard. yes warnings may happen along with the hindsight.
I agree Fiona. I only finished school 22 years ago and I can see a huge difference with what teens experience today.
I remember in my mid/late teens and early twenties the stress and loneliness I felt having online friends. Returning to making friends with my inner wisdom and relating to others from there blows all those false friendships out of the atmosphere. This blog for me grounds that responsibility in connecting to others from a true place rather than just superficially via a device.
It is true; these children are our future doctors, nurses, teachers, builders. So, how is living a life of disconnection through the younger years going to impact them in their adult years? We all know that this is not a recipe for true well-being.
It’s scary how much kids have access to social media, but in effect what they are doing is the same as us, almost 2 billion people check Facebook every single day – we are essentially teaching them by example the best way to check out when life gets intense or you need a distraction from something.
I have seen children as young as two unlock an iPad, access you tube and find their favourite videos in the history or favourites. Responsibility is required in how we foster positive use of technology with those who are easily able to access and be absorbed by such technology.
I listened to a child have a tantrum today and I thought of how much more easily I understand the energy of what is occurring since being introduced to the teachings from Universal Medicine. Often we can recoil from a child’s “bad” behaviour and look for a pacifier, and yet we know this is not really what is needed. We in fact do our children a disservice when we are lax with our approach to technology with them, if it has its place then that place can only be within a framework of discipline, for it won’t be the computer games that form the childhood memories, and really what positive development takes place in that distance often dark space online.
The danger is that many teachers and parents feel so overwhelmed in their own lives/jobs/families that the increased availability of technology provides a way to occupy their children and teach them about the world, but what needs to be understood is that the Internet is NOT a safe or reliable method of educating young people due to the enormous presence of lies, abuse and distractions on there.
This blog really set me pondering and I wonder now if in the future we will have to create special classes where we teach kids how to relate to one another on a face to face basis in order to retrieve the downward spiral we are currently on.
Oh Rowena that would be a most sad thing if this came to pass … and how can we teach that in the future if the future is what that brings??
Technology is not going to go away that’s for sure. What the younger generation need is support to handle such intensity. Recently while abroad the people I was having lunch with said that some schools are banning phones when you came into class you put your phone or tablet into a locker and it stayed there all day. Anyone caught having a phone on them would be sent home from school. This seems sensible to me. If there is an emergency then the parents have to ring the school not the child’s phone. And parents and children are supporting the school in this.
It’s scary to think how the next generation will turn out if they hold ‘connection’ on social media more important than true connection with others face to face. Yes, what imprint are we creating for us to return to?
Johanna, thank you for writing this, I observe so much change happening with children in a very short space of time, from children playing out on the street having simple fun to children playing on phones or computers at home or these devices being brought onto the street and activities are then based around these such as Pokemon Go. Having the interaction with this technology feels like a very different way of playing, the innocence and natural playfulness seems to be replaced with a ‘trying to be cool’ and trying to live up to what other children are doing.
Yes, I found this a very interesting point too. How true is it that the way most living rooms are set up to face the TV instead of each other? It is rare these days to enter a house without a TV in their living room, I can feel the difference when there is one and when there isn’t one. Houses without a TV are more inviting, allowing space for people to connect and be present.
Brilliant blog Johanna. It is pretty scary to consider how our young generation is being raised. The points and questions you’ve highlighted here are very much needed. I feel we will be heading down an even more disconnected, dysfunctional and depressed society if we are not willing to see what technology is doing to our children due to the way it is being used. I don’t feel technology is the issue here but the way we are using it that is the problem.
A great blog and sharing the reality what is really going on with children these days and how we can support them by our example to connect with each other and have meaningful conversations that are needed and not to switch off with TV, I pads,computers and games instead of being together and communicating, honestly valuing each other and simply having fun being who we are with a knowing of that from inside ourselves, honouring all we feel and expressing it. A real reflection and inspiration so different from what is offered out there. Truth and love can always be felt and so can what is not in reality.
I agree Jane. In some schools there is a areal issue with mobile phones and students who are totally distracted by them during lessons. We as adults are also so distracted by our phones, I see people crossing the road and not bother to look up because they are so engrossed by what’s on their screen.
I was sitting in traffic yesterday and I saw a man carrying a box that had a TV screen inside. It was enormous. Our TV screens are getting bigger and bigger, and the time we spend looking at all the other screens we now have in our homes is increasing.
Indeed Monica, we have to be honest and admit that as adults we have encouraged and allowed our children to be raised by screens and to not see it only as a tendency in our society. We all individually have in one way or another contributed to the current state of the world but that said als gives us the power to change it simply to choose to live otherwise and to not accept anymore the ingrained influences we have allowed technology to have in our social connections with one another.
“So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.” I like this question Johanna, as to me makes so much sense to look at our lives in that way. It stops us from making life limited to only this physical life and engages the inner connection with that grander whole we are part of. Living in this way we will not allow our children to become anything less, but will support them to the best of our ability to remain with that inner quality they all are born with.
The practicality of this article is very supportive to us all as it offers a realistic view on what we are all bombarded with but offers us a choice to choose what feels connective and support for all.
“Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me:….” – to be so very real, and so very true. Love the way you parent Johanna, it’s inspiring to read all your points.. and even greater for those kids to be parented by you : )
If children see adults around them who have a loving and solid relationship within themselves, which is then reflected in connections with all others, then at least children have a choice as to which role model they choose.
How connected are we as adults – to ourselves and to others?
It is our role modelling that children model.
Observing the relationship between teenagers, their mobile phones and their investment in getting likes or not on social media is very disheartening to watch.
Computers weren’t around when I was a child, we wrote letters back home from boarding school, blue folded airmails. I can’t remember what I wrote, but my holiday friends were only seen on holiday, we didn’t communicate during the rest of the year. It is very different now, we have ‘friends’ all over the world and we share our lives publicly or not, but how much of that is true communication?
They were great those blue filed airmails I used to use them all the time, now they were a good invention. I often wonder how much damage technology is doing to kids especially when parents are not regulating how much time they spend on devices and are not censoring what they are allowed to play or view.
It is shocking to see how many children are losing their natural lightness, playfulness and creativity due to spending increasing times behind a screen of one sort or another and that we as a society are allowing this alarming trend as being normal – what kind of adults will they grow up to be in the next generation?
It’s very sad that children find it so difficult to connect on a personal level due to the over-reliance on their phones and computers to give them the illusion of connection. We are responsible for leading the way for them back to true connection and relationship.
The list that wrote of what you see as a parent and teacher with children interacting with social media, pretty much applies to how adults are interacting with social media as well. This is a global issue facing us all.
Beautifully said Johanna ‘So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to?’ Brining in the true responsibility, living the truth that we will all come back to do it again until we live responsibly. What footprints will we leave behind with our children by not stepping up to true parenting and bringing love, connection and truth.
Lovely to feel how you claim the space to allow children to feel what true communication is – unless all children have an opportunity to do this we are heading for a deeply divided and chaotic future.
We are role models as adults, we are observed and children often follow our example…so what do we role model concerning our lifestyle choices, this a question we need to answer honestly, the whole do as I say not as I do does not work.
When, “someone doesn’t accept you because you are not participating in the thing they are doing, it is not you they are rejecting, but the fact you are not enjoining them in that unsupportive activity” is true confidence.
Kids need to be supported to stay connected with their clairsentience so they do not loose it under the pressure of the school system which is demanding of them to conform instead of be with their natural spherical self.
Stopping by a coffee shop on my way home to grab a bottle of water, I overheard a group of young girls who were hanging out there, all on their phones and showing each other pictures from snapchat. Everything about them was dominated and determined by the influence of technology and social media – their clothes, their choice of words and even in the tone of their voice – they were not full of life, vitality and expressing who they really are and their own individual spark, but the almost cliché of their generation which diminishes people to being no more than the number of likes on a photo
From observation, most children seem to pick up how to use technology very quickly, even young toddlers are known for using smart phones. I know how I feel after being on my phone for too long, so it must be a big sensory experience for someone who is quite young.
‘Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.’ Setting boundaries by saying a loving no gives so much confidence and safety for children, much more than just allowing everything to happen because we don’t know how to handle things otherwise and take the easy route.
All I know is that I as the adult have an enormous responsibility to curb my usage of devices and really inspire my daughter on how technology can be used. This is a major work in progress.,
This is great Vanessa, we can all use technology without abusing it and then like you say others including your daughter can get a needed reflection even when it is a work in progress as most do not even understand the real issue around True expression.
An eye opener for me – how the uninvited guest (the TV) sits as the focus point in most rooms – rather than the rooms being arranged to face people. What a set up to create more disconnection between people as they are unable to connect with each other through their eye, whilst the uninvited guest attracts everyone in.
I love the way as well as highlighting the issues with the way children are parented, you bring it back to” remaining with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body”. It is not about coming up with a whole lot of rules and demands. But it is very much to do with how we are living ourselves, the connection we are offering and the reflection we are providing.
Johanna – this blog is a one-stop shop in the definitive guide to parenting! There is so much contained here as to support everyone who has kids or who works with them or knows them. Awesome!
Thanks Michelle.
Trying to make connections with others through use of social media can only be a superficial form of contact. I heard from someone being devastated because the number of ‘likes’ they had on Facebook and Twitter dropped and with it her self-esteem plummeted. To use social media to plug our empty gap and think we are making real connection is worrying… If the next generation have a warped version of what connection is, what outcome will play out for the following generation?
“What light are we leaving behind for us to return to?” – a great, great question. The ultimate ‘what goes round comes round’.
Yes. I feel those that put the effort in to be aware and support children this life will be supported in the chaos next life.
Thank you for your blog, it’s been very insightful to read. One of the things that struck me about the use of screens and phones by children is they are also cut off from themselves at these times and are not getting familiar with the beautiful little person they are. They are missing out on connection with themselves, which is the most beautiful thing anyone can experience – a life lived from our essence.
Yes I have noticed myself how if I am not careful spending time on computers, the internet or social media can leave me feeling very disconnected from myself and others around me, so it is not difficult to imagine what this must be like for children if they are spending long hours in front of screens. And of course the irony is that the more disconnected you feel, the more you crave something to fill the void and so the cycle continues.
As a kid, I remember having down time either laying on grass or in my room or out on the verandah but down time
today for children is screen time, stimulation, phone time. We have mistakenly taken not moving the body yet having a device in our hand or in front of our eyes as down time.
We can all be caught into this trap pf the uninvited guest being present all the time at any age. I am now in my seventies and no great expert on i phones, computers or social media, but if I am not very care-full I can easily become dependent on my mobile for company, information, as a filler of time in odd moments, as my friend. I spent two days recently without it, and it opened my eyes to how much I was actually narrowing my life, not expanding it. The quality of those days was so much more flowing and spacious, plenty of time to complete tasks without stress or rush, and with deeper focus. Being drawn into that world of technology takes away the liveliness of life, and dulls the senses, We have to be very astute and consciously present to use it wisely.
It is frightening to see what is happening to our children as a result of how technology is being used. It is the responsibility of all of us to show kids that it is safe to put their phones down and converse and be with us.
I agree Elizabeth but is frightening especially as it seems to be a very acceptable norm with very little change insight – hence things may get worse before we all realise the extent of the damage, therefore work to doing something about it. i.e. connecting with kids.
All around me I see children of all ages totally engrossed in a device of some form and their disconnection from the world and what is going on around them is so obvious. I recently spent seven weeks driving down a road which had a secondary school bus stop on it and every school morning there would be three or four teenagers waiting, all with the heads down, staring into their phones and all standing away from the others. It was not only their chosen isolation that was disturbing but also the unnatural bend of their growing necks and the potential for many spinal issues in the future; not a future that I would want for any child.
This is an interesting consequence to observe, that “No longer are many kids confident to have chats together and connect through play, call each other up, or meet up just to be around each other.” If our children withdraw from the world and the world becomes something viewed through and interacted with via a screen, then this disconnection IS going to affect self confidence and the ability to feel naturally at ease when more is required than the ‘shorthand’ that technology fosters.
Firstly I love the title and how it uses the hashtags etc, very clever and relative to how the article is presented. This is a great article and one that sits very true in my eyes. How do we want the world to be and what are we setting up for ourselves by allowing things to just carry on because everyones doing it or because it’s just what happens. I for one am all for allowing and engaging people of all ages to bring things back to basics and the basics are we are all people. In that it’s the person or people first before anything else hits the screen and if we are shown that or that isn’t led in the world then it will be a forgotten art. When it all comes down to it we are all wanting the see the same thing and we can’t allow life to dictate to us how it should be and at this point it’s super important for us to appreciate and engage conversations, real conversations with people, no matter their ages.
Johanna I felt uneasy reading your blog, it bought up a sense of fear in me about the state of the world, society, our community and my own family. It’s like I don’t want that to happen to see and to consider that my daughter could be sucked into that world, a world of screens. Of course you inspire me with the truth of what can be possible, a different way of parents and one that takes a commitment to the quality in which I first live and only then can things be potentially different, perhaps thats the bit that also I can resist as its the bit about true responsibility and how that really does effect the rest of the world.
I really do wonder how the world is going to change in the next 50 years as these screen dependent children grow up, take over industries and become parents themselves. Reading this I got a very strong message of my responsibility to share the connection I have to my inner wisdom.
This is a great question, Johanna – “Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?” Either way, something needs to change so that we don’t lose touch with how it feels to be loved, cherished and met by a real human being.
Thankyou for sharing the vast change you have seen in parenting and in children over the last few years. The reality is exactly as you have described, our ways of connecting and being confident just being ourselves are being increasingly associated with our web status, and the array of life experience and sensitivity through being together in person is being lost – it shows how as a society we have adopted for a far more mental approach than being from our hearts and bodies.
Most of the technology that we engage with on a daily basis dries us out. There is nothing more enriching than connecting with one another, sharing, exploring and growing, it keeps us alive, plump and fresh. So we have a choice – raise a generation and more of crispy, brittle people who have lost the joy of real person to person interaction with all the knock on effects, or empower a generation and more to re-claim true life in all its vibrancy, depth and joy.
It seems the greatest way to keep people away from truth is to provide a decoy, a copy that seems to offer something similar. Today we worship and relentlessly go to social media to ‘connect’ but this is a huge way short of the true joy, wisdom and beauty that is there when we energetically connect with who we are. If we don’t do this no number of technologies, apps or devices will satisfy and fulfil this natural need. Thank you Johanna for highlighting that with our inner heart we have access to something way beyond any screen.
Johanna, this is a great, much needed article, it feels important to talk to our children about social media and to us as parents say no if something doesn’t feel right. I hear many discussions with parents not wanting to buy their child a phone or i-pad as they are so young. But there is so much pressure on the child as all their friends have one and so much pressure on the parents as they do not want their chid to be left out and so we often give in and do not follow our feelings on this.
Johanna, you expose well how we’ve bought into screen culture without even realising it, in the way we arrange our living rooms to face a TV screen, rather than each other. TVs dominate living and other spaces and instead of switching on to the people in the room, we switch on the TV. In this way we become, from quite young, dis-connected from ourselves and each other and
relationships suffer as a result. At the very least families could keep meal-times a free from zone for mobile devices and TVs and use the space instead to enjoy a meal and talk to each other.
You cannot look into the eyes of an image on a mobile device and thus any connection on a device is always at least one step away from true connection.
I know as a parent it is such an easy option to say yes to the I-pad or phone to get some peace and quiet, but it is alarming when I say time and try to remove the device from her. It is as though it sucks them in like a scene out of a Doctor Who episode, and if we let them they would be glued to the damn things. Kids have to be up on technology, but it doesn’t have to own them.
There is no doubt within me that I know exactly in every moment how to be with my children yet I am becoming more aware that a lot of the time I can override this knowing ignoring my feelings and abuse my body. This way of being is not love but I welcome and appreciate every ounce of awareness when I do fall into this trap of neglecting me.
I observed last night in a restaurant, a family at the next table that the child about 7 to 8, she had headphones and watching something on her pad and both parents were on their phones. We now are takING our uninvited guest everywhere we go.
It makes sense to label the television the ‘uninvited guest’, because once it is in your house, in your living room and being the centre of attention it pretty much has free range for what it will display and engage you with. It’s like a person stealing the show, making it all about themselves and channeling whatever they want to and throughout the rest of the household.
#LoveBeingTVFree
The role of these technologies needs to be questioned for adults too. There are a lot of young adults who are addicted to their smart phones; older ones too. While I don’t feel bereft without mine I can sometimes feel a level of anxiety if I’m disconnected from the internet or without my phone for a period of time and I’m not on holiday. We need to also question our own level of dependency on these devices, particularly in terms of what we model to children.
Screens seem to account for a lot of proxy parenting, much like TV did in my day, and I think it starts younger than 8. One of the problems with this arrangement is that this erstwhile ‘parent’ has access to A LOT of undesirable if not outright disturbing material. What are we feeding our children?
A wonderful blog Johanna! I love what you share here around our return “So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.”
Wow what a great piece of observational writing Johanna, very insightful, the “uninvited guest” how eerily true this is… and from black and white TV to colour ones that sit stationary ..now to hand-held mobile devices how the uninvited guest morphs.. and makes me think where to next in a few years time… as the guest enters to take a seat in our ears, eyes, skin with AI micro chips and alternate realities.
Social Media definitely isn’t going away, so it is about whether we want to see the harm it can cause or whether we want to be blind to it, children gain so much from real life interactions, and love this when they get it. I totally know that feeling of being lost without a phone, as I have a little of that myself, so I can only imagine for a small child who has never known anything else, the lure of the phone must be huge.
I remember being shocked years ago by someone who tried to capture the sunset in the Grand Canyon and missed it because he was busy with his camera and supplementary equipment. Today it’s children and adults who are glued to their devices and have forgotten how to connect in the flesh and meet each other. This is bound to cause a deluge of mental health problems in the near future.
I realized this lately, that although I am a photographer and you would say, that is understandable, I immediately take out my mobile phone camera when something beautiful appears by nature, for example. And I see many people do that. Why don’t we not suck it in, connect to the beauty that is offered, before we capture it for eternity? There is such an autopilot to take pictures or videos of it…Seeing people´s Instagram stories I got really shocked and wondered if they ever leave their phone in their pocket. The urge of being seen and recognized is so huge, people are addicted to that kind of “communication”- I would rather call it: social prostitution- excuse the term.
Great point Fiona – we are not going to turn back the tide of iphones and social media, so what is needed is great examples of how to live with this new technology that kids can learn from.
True Simon and Fiona. Supporting kids to be strong with who they are in the world as it is today is key.
It is essential as without that sense of self they will be at the total whim of the abuses that are prolific on the internet.
My data usage on my phone has run out and though it’s not great in terms of avoiding traffic jams with no updates, I realised how much more space I could have just being present in a long queue, or in a waiting room etc. I realised how I didn’t have to be stressed filling each moment but feel I was on holiday where I could allow myself to be and observe life. I didn’t have to go on holiday to be in the flow of life and not getting in the way with my tasks and self-importance!
Its interesting – if 30 years ago it was the TV that was the uninvited guest in the room, we now have a situation where all our intimate conversations are with a screen as well. Again uninvited and deemed as normal and acceptable now… we are only just beginning to wake up to what the consequences will be for a society that has grown up in this way.
The world of screens is fast taking over our youth’s lives, it is great to support our kids to know that although social media and the internet is a big part of their landscape, it is not all there is. Having meaningful and solid experiences in nature and in connection with each other is so important. It is our collective responsibility to bring this to our next generation.
We don’t allow our kids to be bored or to feel bored. Instead what I did and what I see others do is we jump in and keep giving activities and things for our children to do as soon as they start complaining that they are bored. And instead of connecting with them we give them something material to connect with instead.
This is a huge question to ask Johanna and one we need to take very seriously. When we loose the ability to relate to one another, we cut our selves off from the very essence of our world – people. Technology is okay in the correct balance and it is a joy to read about your priorities as a parent and a teacher, restoring to kids the true depth of who they are, ensuring these children understand who they are from the inside out, not the rather volatile outside in.
Indeed with how children and young people are living now what will our society and communities be like in years to come when they are older? The other day I heard about a Head Teacher at a school who bought 600 alarm clocks to give to the children and young people to encourage their mobile phones not being in their room and to be used as an alarm clock. The thing is, it is not just in the day but also in the night and during the night children and young people are on devices which is affecting their sleep, which then affects their behaviour, their moods, their motivation .. the list goes on. So yes it is parents responsibility … all our responsibility to work with this in a way that helps children and young people to build positive relationships off line and just have space to be.
Thanks to the insightful presentations by Serge Benhayon and blogs such as this I may well have turned a blind eye to the way devices and screens are affecting children. The convenient baby sisters are no substitute for loving connection shared between human beings.
Its not just kids that freak out when they leave their phone behind it is also the adults. Its ludicrous really if you consider there was no such thing as mobile phones when I was growing up and we got by without them very easily. Now we cannot go out, even for a walk ,with out them.
Mary-Lousie thats so true, i also remember as a kid not needing them, not using them and yet within a few years I was hooked, hooked on the fact that each time i wanted a distraction I could access that myself in my hand.
And it is not easy, even when you take all your courage and leave the phone at home, you very often get trouble because you weren´t available. You even miss jobs, being a freelancer. First come first serve. Everything is defined by time, how fast you reply, how quick you text back etc… I would be lying if I ´d say, that I don´t appreciate the advantages from a mobile phone. But reading it at a deeper level: what dynamics got established by using the mobile phones? Actually supporting not being present. So, what kind of advantage is it then in the end?!
So many schools promote ‘Life Skills’ as an important part of the curriculum yet the understanding of what is fundamentally supportive for life has not been grasped beyond the very functional. What I love therefore is this; “To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.” This is key in every aspect of life and therefore a fundamental way forward in bringing a supportive curriculum for living, to children.
So true Rosanna, I talk about life skills a lot and you are right, I need to ensure that feeling energy and being aware of their surroundings from the body is a vital life skill.
Whilst its important to ask how are children using the technology on offer and see clearly how its used almost to replace relationships. Its also important to see how adults are using their phones etc. I recall many years ago going out to dinner with friends and they sat there texting each other on the phone. So our own behaviour around using this technology is also worthwhile examining. I know I have looked at my own and I see how I can slip into ‘browse’ mode for no other reason that to check out of my day.
I agree Jennifer, our behaviour around children is worthwhile reflecting on.. Children learn more from what we do, than what we say, and futile to expect them to lessen their use of technology when we’re doing the same.
I remember how much I disliked it when hashtags (‘#’) suddenly appeared everywhere. Now I am getting used to it. I still can’t see the point but they are less off-putting.
haha – #GetWithTheProgram #JustJoking #LoveYourHonesty.
They are a symbol for connection because they link items of the same subject matter together.
ha ha Liane 😉
Love your playfulness Liane.
Funny – light and humour. Love it.
#hahabackatu #shrtexpression #fragment X cnection #notsogreat
This is the phenomenon we all probably know- something new gets released: of course, otherwise the wheel of distraction would come to a hold. First we really don´t like it, but then suddenly we get used to it. In German there is this expression: ‘Der Mensch ist ein Gewohnheitstier’ (The human being is a creature of habit). People get used to things because it is our nature somehow to adjust and get along with things. But there is the danger, if you don´t reflect and question, to become a robot, that does how everyone else does, without actually knowing why. You definitely should keep up with the world, but never forget to ask yourself what is true for you.
Great question Johanna what are we leaving behind to then come back to.
If we allow our children to be raised by technology that is void of true connection, then we will create a race of drones where the pilot has taken leave and any force can move in to steer these vehicles through the darkness of this self-created life. It is up to us to re-instil true connection with each other and within ourselves so that this connection becomes the guiding light that leads us safely home. In essence we are Souls made up of pure love and pure light. We were not designed to live in a world of shadows, yet we are here until the very last one dissolves. It is this that is our greatest responsibility – returning to and living the great love that we are. This is a great article Johanna that gives us some very practical examples of how to go about this. Thank you.
Mobile phones are just another ploy to take us away from connecting to ourselves and each other. We are buying into it hook, line and sinker, thus choosing the shadows and not the light.
This is a great point Liane. If we are raising the next generation who will be the next leaders and seeding forth the future – what are we going to come back to when we reincarnate? Are we going to come back to drone world or a world where being in our true light is fostered, Our Souls way as you have so brilliantly said.
Liane – as always your words melt me and go directly to my core. The level of your claimed light is tangible and deeply inspiring. Yes we are all souls and of pure light and this world of shadows is a mere diversion we have taken from our true path – and so we now return step by step retracing our choices thus far.
Thank you for sharing the truth of what is going on. i love what you have presented here in terms of how as parents we can adapt to what technology is doing, and offer children a way to truly connect. I also support a loving ‘NO’ when it is needed, in that we are saying yes to a true connection.
Recently the kids on our street have all come together and spend hours outside playing. The desire to watch DVDs has pretty much vanished. What comes from playing together fulfils us far more than any screen can. If given the true chance, I’m pretty sure kids would pick playing with friends over a screen.
Very cool. I love it when I see kids make new games up, play together and wow how funny are their conversations.
Children choose brotherhood over screen time if we model our own ways of living.
“Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.” Absolutely Johanna. I know some young children in a house where the TV isn’t ever on and is hidden away in a cupboard. However an ipad has been used in order to facilitate the taking of a medicine and it is shocking to see the tantrum resulting from it being removed – this in a child who has had very little exposure to a screen. I feel sad for this young generation growing up where if they don’t conform with their peers it will take strength and commitment to stand out from the crowd.
The need to ‘fit in’ and be part of the ‘in’ discussions is quite huge, however when a child is met with quality conversations and for who they are then we can bring the truth to the table and chat about what is it that our young generation are actually missing out on or not fitting into? What quality of connection and conversations are really happening? And if it’s far less than what they know to be true then my sense is that it will be easy for them to see that they are not missing out on much compared to the grandness they know within.
Children absorb information like sponges. Children are often more switched on than most adults and can remember and sense LOTS often more than most are aware. This means that the impact of technology is HUGE for the quality of how these children will end up living. But much more than this is the step before the tech. That is the disconnect within the family etc. If a child is truly met and held for who they truly are when they grow up they will not exhibit the same willingness to escape and numb themselves in technology as they know themselves to be much greater and grander
Very very true Joshua. And then technology will be used with purpose and in a responsible way.
The choice of liquid to soak up these sponges plays a vital role in our parenting that has led to these reflections from this blog.
The term ‘social anxiety’ has become a massive thing, which basically just describes anyone who finds social situations difficult because they get anxious, uncomfortable and don’t know how to interact – but is this really an illness or issue, or is it just a reflection of our decreasing social skills, that we dont know how to raise children and young adults to feel content and at ease in themselves, and therefor be truly confident out in the world whatever the situation, able to be open, engaging and connecting with everyone they meet.
So we must then think ahead to the reality of what the children today who experience social anxiety are going to be like as parents and what will their children be like etc
Hi Johanna, you bring a hugely important topic up to talk about and I am wondering if you limit them for how long they are allowed to be on social media and or gaming?
As many children do it even in the late evening or until deep in the night.
In the time I grew my child I restricted them for allowing for example 2 hours a day.
Also to see it is us parents who were letting them play this long as then we felt that way they were busy as many parents are exhausted themselves from all the demands of life, not finding a healthy rhythm anymore.
‘We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is, so they can then bring that to the social media sites if they so choose, but not because they need to or feel less without it.’ I absolutely agree, Johanna and yet many adults who deplore this use of social media with children are doing the very same thing themselves. So important we recognise how vital it is to have a connection with ourselves first so that what we bring to our kids is authentic and true. Children can read it so easily when we say one thing but live another!
Yes Michelle. What I notice is that many children get disheartened from their parents always being on social media and their phones. I remember a year one class I had many years ago – we did a performance and the only rule the kids made up for parents was that all phones are switched off. At 6 years old they were well aware of the distraction and the lack of connection and attention they got from their parents when they were on their phone.
hear hear everyone craves true connection – children and adults alike.
Through all my schooling there weren’t cell phones, iPads, email or even home computers. If we wanted to talk to our friend we had to call on the phone and sit there or if they lived in another town we wrote letters. Now among teenagers texting is called ‘talking’. I see YouTube as a huge distraction and go to for many teenagers, where they are learning about all kinds of topics and seeing them as true and real. Like the point you shared about the TV being an uninvited quest (even though we do invite it in with choosing it), many households have invited in the most loveless, destructive, demoralising, fiction, distractive, sexualising, discrimitive, abuse by placing an iPad in front of a child. If we come back to what we access in ourselves, are we aligning to a loving energy or an unloving energy… then all our choices are made in that quality. Connection is key, and encouraging our young to discern energy… what does it feel like, how does your body feel after listening to that or reading those messages, how is your mood, sleep, food choices affected after binging on social media, all support with clarity and seeing what is truly at play.
Perfectly expressed Aimee. You hit the nail in the head. The part that stood out for me in what you share is that our teens think what they view is true and real on some level. Taking this further it is easy to see the destruction caused from this lack of connection from what I see take place in classrooms and with kids today. Then we can also ask ‘why are we allowing technology to parent our kids?’
I love the honouring with which you consider and relate to children and also the fact that you take care to ensure clear consequences lovingly delivered. A great support to learn about responsibility and the part we play in the flow of life.
There is the old school approach with boundaries and negotiation and consequences which are so important for all children and parents and teachers etc to work with…but key ingredient of all as Joanna has presented is our actual connection first and foremost. Golnaz, it is beautiful how you have talked about all of us learning the responsibility that we have and the honouring of the roles we are here to truly play in order to allow the flow in life.
Yes life is changing quickly as I am now 26 and I grew up without the smartphones so meeting up and playing together was very normal when I was young. At uni now I see many phones and they are often there all the time, during class, in spare moments when having lunch etc. I can imagine how growing up is now very different too with the phones around.
Same here Lieke, being 28 now 20 years ago we played outside with the neighbors kids. I see at work today as adults it’s very common to be constantly checking our phones. This is what the kids pick up on even if they don’t see us doing it.
Great point Leigh and how often do we pick up and check our phones unnecessarily as a distraction from what we are doing. I try to remember to turn my phone over when I’m working so that I don’t see the screen light up with new messages.
Our phones can be the something to do when there’s a gap of doing. I see it no different to eating when bored.
Yes I do the same Fiona, otherwise I get very distracted and keep wanting to check up on new notifications.
The refection is enormous as the levels of disconnection that are offered in every moment we reach for our mobiles show our young that we are far from making life about people first.
Being a teenager is hard enough with finding who you are as you step away from the family. I wonder how it feels to want to connect to other kids, perhaps being unsure of yourself or insecure and finding you have to be pretty amazing to complete with the other kid’s phone. For most I imagine the hurt would be felt and they may give up and retreat into their phone/device.
It can be rather scary to consider how aware our children will be when Social Media plays such a large part in their education. Their natural sensitivity will be lost, dulled by incessant checking for likes, comments or photos.
Or perhaps it is an indication to just how sensitive they are – that this extreme level of social media as I see it is actually perhaps a reaction to them not getting met at the level they know to be true deep down.
When this happens, would there be a need for social media?
True Steve for when that time arrives it will not be called ” Social ” media but perhaps
” love media ” in the truth of what love is.
Valid sharing Carmel yet have we all stopped to consider that these behaviours come about from what is modelled in their surroundings by their parents and other adults.