Parenting today is a completely different ball game to parenting 20 years ago. Today we have the advance of the technological era in the mix: Snap chatting, Instagram, Musical.ly, Facebook and many more social media influences in our children’s lives that are literally there and accessible 24/7, with messages popping up every few minutes tempting them to engage.
I am a mother and teacher. In the last few years and progressively more today, I can see and feel the pressures and imposition of technology and the way it is being used by our next generation.
Yes, children need to move with the times and keep up with their education, be computer savvy, know how to update, research and produce assessments, however, this does not mean that they should lose their playfulness, lightness, ability to have a real face to face conversation and know they are a gem of a child. I see the loss of all of the above happening across the board with children because of their absorption into the social media world.
I remember in university how one educator shared the idea of the ‘television’ being the uninvited guest into our homes, and how our lounge rooms all faced towards this one uninvited guest. This point stayed with me and I began to realise the intrusiveness of this set-up and what we were inviting into our living rooms.
So from this presented point, I have since designed my living areas to not face the TV, but to face each other. The point of my sharing this with you is that back then it was a shock to me that I had chosen to be part of inviting this uninvited guest into my home each day, just through the way I set the furniture around, setting people up to face the TV and not each other… so you can imagine the shock when I became aware of just how disconnected our young are through the way they are engaging in technology and social media. It is filtering into every facet of their lives and is sold to them as the ‘way of connecting’.
Is the social media world today a reflection of our disconnection within humanity or is our disconnection in humanity a reflection of the much reduced level of connection we are accepting today from our participation in the social media world?
As a parent and teacher, I see and feel…
- Children (as young as 8 through to teens) learning that connecting with people is through typing on a phone or on social media. No longer are many kids confident to have chats together and connect through play, call each other up, or meet up just to be around each other.
- Children relying on their phones like they are a safety blanket. It is disturbing to speak to children and hear how anxious they feel without their phone or how it feels like a family member has left them when they don’t have it.
- Children being ‘acceptably’ bullied by other children and even accessed inappropriately by unknown people through social media sites… and the children, or their parents, not doing anything about it because the children want to be part of that communication and don’t want to lose what they think is connection.
- Children being sold the belief that they will be out of the social circles at school or in their friendship groups if they haven’t kept up with the chats that have gone on during the evenings.
- Children spending more time on devices rather than just being allowed to be children or being lovingly interacted with. Children being given phones, iPads, Xboxes etc. to play on in their bedrooms, in their lounge rooms, in the car, when mum or dad need quiet or space or are busy. Is it any wonder that when they become pre-teen or teens that their devices and social media become their world and their attitude towards the adults around them is then a reflection of the previous years of lack of true connection?
- Children without their natural confidence and truly joyful smiles and laughs on their faces.
In a nutshell, a lot of children are becoming more familiar with the virtual or social media world and are losing their beautiful way of naturally engaging and relating to others.
We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is, so they can then bring that to the social media sites if they so choose, but not because they need to or feel less without it.
Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.
It is with deep thanks and appreciation to Serge Benhayon, the presentations of Universal Medicine and my being willing and open, that I have over the years implemented self-care tools that today allow me to stand in and live, without perfection, the wisdom within. Meaning, I know I have all the answers inside of me; I just need to take the responsibility to remain with the clarity of my heart by purposefully caring for my body and from here, parenting becomes simple, even in a world of out-of-control technology and social media stimulations.
Parenting and teaching from my inner-wisdom allows me:
- To confirm the gem and grandness of children to them, highlighting who they truly are instead of it being about what they do.
- To express fully to children, like yesterday sharing with a gorgeous relative of mine how magical it was to watch her dance and play in the shallow waves at the beach as if no one was looking and to appreciate the playfulness that is there.
- To make sitting, chatting, holding, engaging with our eyes part of our everyday communications with each other – and providing the space for children to feel that this is true communication so that it becomes a marker in their body, allowing them to know without doubt when they are, or are not met, with that level of connection. From here they are supported to bring that connection to others.
- To have open and honest chats that explore things, like how certain food makes us feel, certain environments etc., or when we notice if someone in our family is acting different and then to be a supportive enquirer.
- To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.
- To feel comfortable not being the most popular parent or teacher when you feel from the depths of your body that a particular App, or even having a screen phone, is not supportive at the moment. Saying a loving ‘No’ is parenting which can support children to grow up with a deep connection to themselves and others.
- To be the loving listening ear when things come up that need discussing or to be shared. Believe me, a lot happens for 10 -13 year olds, much more than when I was that age. Growing up is tough today and when you grow up with engagement and connection, you also see and feel the lack of it around you… and that can be tricky at times.
- To allow kids to practise having responsibility, physically, through household chores, but also with taking responsibility for their actions or way of communicating… and that means that consequences need to be felt and not watered down or glossed over.
- To support children to see and feel that sometimes, if someone doesn’t accept you because you are not participating in the thing they are doing, it is not you they are rejecting, but the fact you are not enjoining them in that unsupportive activity.
- To treat kids as equal, wise, gorgeous, precious and divine beings, knowing that even though our activities or responsibilities may differ, we all bring our own unique flavors and qualities.
- To live and reflect a living way that is true love and true religion in itself, with children being brought up knowing that they are equal Sons of God who can equally keep their light shining bright.
All children grow up. They become our next teachers, doctors, construction workers, health workers, lawyers, social workers and so on… and it is well worth supporting them to be able to truly and comfortably relate to, and care about people, for our future generations are one day going to look up to them for guidance. And if we are open to the divine cycles of reincarnation, it will be us returning to be guided by them.
So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education (Major Special Needs, Minor Psychology), Certificate of Early Childhood Education, Complementary Health – Esoteric Practitioner, Student of Counselling Diploma
Further Reading:
Do Our Kids Want a ‘Better Life’ or a ‘Connected Life’?
Technology: Are you Connected?
Pornography: Time to Say ENOUGH!
378 Comments
Most of the technology that we engage with on a daily basis dries us out. There is nothing more enriching than connecting with one another, sharing, exploring and growing, it keeps us alive, plump and fresh. So we have a choice – raise a generation and more of crispy, brittle people who have lost the joy of real person to person interaction with all the knock on effects, or empower a generation and more to re-claim true life in all its vibrancy, depth and joy.
It seems the greatest way to keep people away from truth is to provide a decoy, a copy that seems to offer something similar. Today we worship and relentlessly go to social media to ‘connect’ but this is a huge way short of the true joy, wisdom and beauty that is there when we energetically connect with who we are. If we don’t do this no number of technologies, apps or devices will satisfy and fulfil this natural need. Thank you Johanna for highlighting that with our inner heart we have access to something way beyond any screen.
Johanna, this is a great, much needed article, it feels important to talk to our children about social media and to us as parents say no if something doesn’t feel right. I hear many discussions with parents not wanting to buy their child a phone or i-pad as they are so young. But there is so much pressure on the child as all their friends have one and so much pressure on the parents as they do not want their chid to be left out and so we often give in and do not follow our feelings on this.
Johanna, you expose well how we’ve bought into screen culture without even realising it, in the way we arrange our living rooms to face a TV screen, rather than each other. TVs dominate living and other spaces and instead of switching on to the people in the room, we switch on the TV. In this way we become, from quite young, dis-connected from ourselves and each other and
relationships suffer as a result. At the very least families could keep meal-times a free from zone for mobile devices and TVs and use the space instead to enjoy a meal and talk to each other.
You cannot look into the eyes of an image on a mobile device and thus any connection on a device is always at least one step away from true connection.
I know as a parent it is such an easy option to say yes to the I-pad or phone to get some peace and quiet, but it is alarming when I say time and try to remove the device from her. It is as though it sucks them in like a scene out of a Doctor Who episode, and if we let them they would be glued to the damn things. Kids have to be up on technology, but it doesn’t have to own them.
There is no doubt within me that I know exactly in every moment how to be with my children yet I am becoming more aware that a lot of the time I can override this knowing ignoring my feelings and abuse my body. This way of being is not love but I welcome and appreciate every ounce of awareness when I do fall into this trap of neglecting me.
I observed last night in a restaurant, a family at the next table that the child about 7 to 8, she had headphones and watching something on her pad and both parents were on their phones. We now are takING our uninvited guest everywhere we go.
It makes sense to label the television the ‘uninvited guest’, because once it is in your house, in your living room and being the centre of attention it pretty much has free range for what it will display and engage you with. It’s like a person stealing the show, making it all about themselves and channeling whatever they want to and throughout the rest of the household.
#LoveBeingTVFree
The role of these technologies needs to be questioned for adults too. There are a lot of young adults who are addicted to their smart phones; older ones too. While I don’t feel bereft without mine I can sometimes feel a level of anxiety if I’m disconnected from the internet or without my phone for a period of time and I’m not on holiday. We need to also question our own level of dependency on these devices, particularly in terms of what we model to children.
Screens seem to account for a lot of proxy parenting, much like TV did in my day, and I think it starts younger than 8. One of the problems with this arrangement is that this erstwhile ‘parent’ has access to A LOT of undesirable if not outright disturbing material. What are we feeding our children?
A wonderful blog Johanna! I love what you share here around our return “So what light are we leaving behind for us to return to? Perhaps this is the grander question to consider.”
Wow what a great piece of observational writing Johanna, very insightful, the “uninvited guest” how eerily true this is… and from black and white TV to colour ones that sit stationary ..now to hand-held mobile devices how the uninvited guest morphs.. and makes me think where to next in a few years time… as the guest enters to take a seat in our ears, eyes, skin with AI micro chips and alternate realities.
Social Media definitely isn’t going away, so it is about whether we want to see the harm it can cause or whether we want to be blind to it, children gain so much from real life interactions, and love this when they get it. I totally know that feeling of being lost without a phone, as I have a little of that myself, so I can only imagine for a small child who has never known anything else, the lure of the phone must be huge.
I remember being shocked years ago by someone who tried to capture the sunset in the Grand Canyon and missed it because he was busy with his camera and supplementary equipment. Today it’s children and adults who are glued to their devices and have forgotten how to connect in the flesh and meet each other. This is bound to cause a deluge of mental health problems in the near future.
I realized this lately, that although I am a photographer and you would say, that is understandable, I immediately take out my mobile phone camera when something beautiful appears by nature, for example. And I see many people do that. Why don’t we not suck it in, connect to the beauty that is offered, before we capture it for eternity? There is such an autopilot to take pictures or videos of it…Seeing people´s Instagram stories I got really shocked and wondered if they ever leave their phone in their pocket. The urge of being seen and recognized is so huge, people are addicted to that kind of “communication”- I would rather call it: social prostitution- excuse the term.
Great point Fiona – we are not going to turn back the tide of iphones and social media, so what is needed is great examples of how to live with this new technology that kids can learn from.
True Simon and Fiona. Supporting kids to be strong with who they are in the world as it is today is key.
It is essential as without that sense of self they will be at the total whim of the abuses that are prolific on the internet.
My data usage on my phone has run out and though it’s not great in terms of avoiding traffic jams with no updates, I realised how much more space I could have just being present in a long queue, or in a waiting room etc. I realised how I didn’t have to be stressed filling each moment but feel I was on holiday where I could allow myself to be and observe life. I didn’t have to go on holiday to be in the flow of life and not getting in the way with my tasks and self-importance!
Its interesting – if 30 years ago it was the TV that was the uninvited guest in the room, we now have a situation where all our intimate conversations are with a screen as well. Again uninvited and deemed as normal and acceptable now… we are only just beginning to wake up to what the consequences will be for a society that has grown up in this way.
The world of screens is fast taking over our youth’s lives, it is great to support our kids to know that although social media and the internet is a big part of their landscape, it is not all there is. Having meaningful and solid experiences in nature and in connection with each other is so important. It is our collective responsibility to bring this to our next generation.
We don’t allow our kids to be bored or to feel bored. Instead what I did and what I see others do is we jump in and keep giving activities and things for our children to do as soon as they start complaining that they are bored. And instead of connecting with them we give them something material to connect with instead.
This is a huge question to ask Johanna and one we need to take very seriously. When we loose the ability to relate to one another, we cut our selves off from the very essence of our world – people. Technology is okay in the correct balance and it is a joy to read about your priorities as a parent and a teacher, restoring to kids the true depth of who they are, ensuring these children understand who they are from the inside out, not the rather volatile outside in.
Indeed with how children and young people are living now what will our society and communities be like in years to come when they are older? The other day I heard about a Head Teacher at a school who bought 600 alarm clocks to give to the children and young people to encourage their mobile phones not being in their room and to be used as an alarm clock. The thing is, it is not just in the day but also in the night and during the night children and young people are on devices which is affecting their sleep, which then affects their behaviour, their moods, their motivation .. the list goes on. So yes it is parents responsibility … all our responsibility to work with this in a way that helps children and young people to build positive relationships off line and just have space to be.
Thanks to the insightful presentations by Serge Benhayon and blogs such as this I may well have turned a blind eye to the way devices and screens are affecting children. The convenient baby sisters are no substitute for loving connection shared between human beings.
Its not just kids that freak out when they leave their phone behind it is also the adults. Its ludicrous really if you consider there was no such thing as mobile phones when I was growing up and we got by without them very easily. Now we cannot go out, even for a walk ,with out them.
Mary-Lousie thats so true, i also remember as a kid not needing them, not using them and yet within a few years I was hooked, hooked on the fact that each time i wanted a distraction I could access that myself in my hand.
And it is not easy, even when you take all your courage and leave the phone at home, you very often get trouble because you weren´t available. You even miss jobs, being a freelancer. First come first serve. Everything is defined by time, how fast you reply, how quick you text back etc… I would be lying if I ´d say, that I don´t appreciate the advantages from a mobile phone. But reading it at a deeper level: what dynamics got established by using the mobile phones? Actually supporting not being present. So, what kind of advantage is it then in the end?!
So many schools promote ‘Life Skills’ as an important part of the curriculum yet the understanding of what is fundamentally supportive for life has not been grasped beyond the very functional. What I love therefore is this; “To educate and speak about everything in life, and support children to trust their feelings to equip them with the ability to choose and know that there is a way to honour these feelings.” This is key in every aspect of life and therefore a fundamental way forward in bringing a supportive curriculum for living, to children.
So true Rosanna, I talk about life skills a lot and you are right, I need to ensure that feeling energy and being aware of their surroundings from the body is a vital life skill.
Whilst its important to ask how are children using the technology on offer and see clearly how its used almost to replace relationships. Its also important to see how adults are using their phones etc. I recall many years ago going out to dinner with friends and they sat there texting each other on the phone. So our own behaviour around using this technology is also worthwhile examining. I know I have looked at my own and I see how I can slip into ‘browse’ mode for no other reason that to check out of my day.
I agree Jennifer, our behaviour around children is worthwhile reflecting on.. Children learn more from what we do, than what we say, and futile to expect them to lessen their use of technology when we’re doing the same.
I remember how much I disliked it when hashtags (‘#’) suddenly appeared everywhere. Now I am getting used to it. I still can’t see the point but they are less off-putting.
haha – #GetWithTheProgram #JustJoking #LoveYourHonesty.
They are a symbol for connection because they link items of the same subject matter together.
ha ha Liane 😉
Love your playfulness Liane.
Funny – light and humour. Love it.
#hahabackatu #shrtexpression #fragment X cnection #notsogreat
This is the phenomenon we all probably know- something new gets released: of course, otherwise the wheel of distraction would come to a hold. First we really don´t like it, but then suddenly we get used to it. In German there is this expression: ‘Der Mensch ist ein Gewohnheitstier’ (The human being is a creature of habit). People get used to things because it is our nature somehow to adjust and get along with things. But there is the danger, if you don´t reflect and question, to become a robot, that does how everyone else does, without actually knowing why. You definitely should keep up with the world, but never forget to ask yourself what is true for you.
Great question Johanna what are we leaving behind to then come back to.
If we allow our children to be raised by technology that is void of true connection, then we will create a race of drones where the pilot has taken leave and any force can move in to steer these vehicles through the darkness of this self-created life. It is up to us to re-instil true connection with each other and within ourselves so that this connection becomes the guiding light that leads us safely home. In essence we are Souls made up of pure love and pure light. We were not designed to live in a world of shadows, yet we are here until the very last one dissolves. It is this that is our greatest responsibility – returning to and living the great love that we are. This is a great article Johanna that gives us some very practical examples of how to go about this. Thank you.
Mobile phones are just another ploy to take us away from connecting to ourselves and each other. We are buying into it hook, line and sinker, thus choosing the shadows and not the light.
This is a great point Liane. If we are raising the next generation who will be the next leaders and seeding forth the future – what are we going to come back to when we reincarnate? Are we going to come back to drone world or a world where being in our true light is fostered, Our Souls way as you have so brilliantly said.
Liane – as always your words melt me and go directly to my core. The level of your claimed light is tangible and deeply inspiring. Yes we are all souls and of pure light and this world of shadows is a mere diversion we have taken from our true path – and so we now return step by step retracing our choices thus far.
Thank you for sharing the truth of what is going on. i love what you have presented here in terms of how as parents we can adapt to what technology is doing, and offer children a way to truly connect. I also support a loving ‘NO’ when it is needed, in that we are saying yes to a true connection.
Recently the kids on our street have all come together and spend hours outside playing. The desire to watch DVDs has pretty much vanished. What comes from playing together fulfils us far more than any screen can. If given the true chance, I’m pretty sure kids would pick playing with friends over a screen.
Very cool. I love it when I see kids make new games up, play together and wow how funny are their conversations.
Children choose brotherhood over screen time if we model our own ways of living.
“Parenting for me today is about connecting to, living from and parenting from my deep inner wisdom.” Absolutely Johanna. I know some young children in a house where the TV isn’t ever on and is hidden away in a cupboard. However an ipad has been used in order to facilitate the taking of a medicine and it is shocking to see the tantrum resulting from it being removed – this in a child who has had very little exposure to a screen. I feel sad for this young generation growing up where if they don’t conform with their peers it will take strength and commitment to stand out from the crowd.
The need to ‘fit in’ and be part of the ‘in’ discussions is quite huge, however when a child is met with quality conversations and for who they are then we can bring the truth to the table and chat about what is it that our young generation are actually missing out on or not fitting into? What quality of connection and conversations are really happening? And if it’s far less than what they know to be true then my sense is that it will be easy for them to see that they are not missing out on much compared to the grandness they know within.
Children absorb information like sponges. Children are often more switched on than most adults and can remember and sense LOTS often more than most are aware. This means that the impact of technology is HUGE for the quality of how these children will end up living. But much more than this is the step before the tech. That is the disconnect within the family etc. If a child is truly met and held for who they truly are when they grow up they will not exhibit the same willingness to escape and numb themselves in technology as they know themselves to be much greater and grander
Very very true Joshua. And then technology will be used with purpose and in a responsible way.
The choice of liquid to soak up these sponges plays a vital role in our parenting that has led to these reflections from this blog.
The term ‘social anxiety’ has become a massive thing, which basically just describes anyone who finds social situations difficult because they get anxious, uncomfortable and don’t know how to interact – but is this really an illness or issue, or is it just a reflection of our decreasing social skills, that we dont know how to raise children and young adults to feel content and at ease in themselves, and therefor be truly confident out in the world whatever the situation, able to be open, engaging and connecting with everyone they meet.
So we must then think ahead to the reality of what the children today who experience social anxiety are going to be like as parents and what will their children be like etc
Hi Johanna, you bring a hugely important topic up to talk about and I am wondering if you limit them for how long they are allowed to be on social media and or gaming?
As many children do it even in the late evening or until deep in the night.
In the time I grew my child I restricted them for allowing for example 2 hours a day.
Also to see it is us parents who were letting them play this long as then we felt that way they were busy as many parents are exhausted themselves from all the demands of life, not finding a healthy rhythm anymore.
‘We all, each and every adult on this planet, have a responsibility to connect fully to children so they know what true connection is, so they can then bring that to the social media sites if they so choose, but not because they need to or feel less without it.’ I absolutely agree, Johanna and yet many adults who deplore this use of social media with children are doing the very same thing themselves. So important we recognise how vital it is to have a connection with ourselves first so that what we bring to our kids is authentic and true. Children can read it so easily when we say one thing but live another!
Yes Michelle. What I notice is that many children get disheartened from their parents always being on social media and their phones. I remember a year one class I had many years ago – we did a performance and the only rule the kids made up for parents was that all phones are switched off. At 6 years old they were well aware of the distraction and the lack of connection and attention they got from their parents when they were on their phone.
hear hear everyone craves true connection – children and adults alike.
Through all my schooling there weren’t cell phones, iPads, email or even home computers. If we wanted to talk to our friend we had to call on the phone and sit there or if they lived in another town we wrote letters. Now among teenagers texting is called ‘talking’. I see YouTube as a huge distraction and go to for many teenagers, where they are learning about all kinds of topics and seeing them as true and real. Like the point you shared about the TV being an uninvited quest (even though we do invite it in with choosing it), many households have invited in the most loveless, destructive, demoralising, fiction, distractive, sexualising, discrimitive, abuse by placing an iPad in front of a child. If we come back to what we access in ourselves, are we aligning to a loving energy or an unloving energy… then all our choices are made in that quality. Connection is key, and encouraging our young to discern energy… what does it feel like, how does your body feel after listening to that or reading those messages, how is your mood, sleep, food choices affected after binging on social media, all support with clarity and seeing what is truly at play.
Perfectly expressed Aimee. You hit the nail in the head. The part that stood out for me in what you share is that our teens think what they view is true and real on some level. Taking this further it is easy to see the destruction caused from this lack of connection from what I see take place in classrooms and with kids today. Then we can also ask ‘why are we allowing technology to parent our kids?’
I love the honouring with which you consider and relate to children and also the fact that you take care to ensure clear consequences lovingly delivered. A great support to learn about responsibility and the part we play in the flow of life.
There is the old school approach with boundaries and negotiation and consequences which are so important for all children and parents and teachers etc to work with…but key ingredient of all as Joanna has presented is our actual connection first and foremost. Golnaz, it is beautiful how you have talked about all of us learning the responsibility that we have and the honouring of the roles we are here to truly play in order to allow the flow in life.
Yes life is changing quickly as I am now 26 and I grew up without the smartphones so meeting up and playing together was very normal when I was young. At uni now I see many phones and they are often there all the time, during class, in spare moments when having lunch etc. I can imagine how growing up is now very different too with the phones around.
Same here Lieke, being 28 now 20 years ago we played outside with the neighbors kids. I see at work today as adults it’s very common to be constantly checking our phones. This is what the kids pick up on even if they don’t see us doing it.
Great point Leigh and how often do we pick up and check our phones unnecessarily as a distraction from what we are doing. I try to remember to turn my phone over when I’m working so that I don’t see the screen light up with new messages.
Our phones can be the something to do when there’s a gap of doing. I see it no different to eating when bored.
Yes I do the same Fiona, otherwise I get very distracted and keep wanting to check up on new notifications.
The refection is enormous as the levels of disconnection that are offered in every moment we reach for our mobiles show our young that we are far from making life about people first.
Being a teenager is hard enough with finding who you are as you step away from the family. I wonder how it feels to want to connect to other kids, perhaps being unsure of yourself or insecure and finding you have to be pretty amazing to complete with the other kid’s phone. For most I imagine the hurt would be felt and they may give up and retreat into their phone/device.
It can be rather scary to consider how aware our children will be when Social Media plays such a large part in their education. Their natural sensitivity will be lost, dulled by incessant checking for likes, comments or photos.
Or perhaps it is an indication to just how sensitive they are – that this extreme level of social media as I see it is actually perhaps a reaction to them not getting met at the level they know to be true deep down.
When this happens, would there be a need for social media?
True Steve for when that time arrives it will not be called ” Social ” media but perhaps
” love media ” in the truth of what love is.
Valid sharing Carmel yet have we all stopped to consider that these behaviours come about from what is modelled in their surroundings by their parents and other adults.