I was watching the news, and with all the Brexit coverage, there were lots of shots of politicians leaving their houses on their way to work. Although their views on the Brexit results may have differed markedly, there was one thing that seemed to be consistent with them all, and that was their smile.
Even with absolute pandemonium ensuing outside, they still managed to smile for the cameras; some even managed a childlike, nervous wave, as if to say “I’m so confident right now, here I am.” But what I realised didn’t add up, was that the smile was saying one thing but the eyes and the body were very much, saying another.
I reflected on this awareness of these different messages within myself, as I know for a fact that I push out the same smile to the world; this kind of “everything is going to be ok” smile. It’s a smile of total protection, because if people see me smiling, then surely their eyes are going to clock it and the brain translates this message as “this person is ok.”
I realised that I present this so that the world leaves me alone, thus it is a form of protection.
If I am smiling then I don’t have to present discomfort or sadness, and if the world doesn’t see this then I don’t have to answer to it. Maybe even through repeating this behaviour I can convince myself that I am actually ok, and that the feelings inside of me of panic, worry and unrest are not applicable and that the smile I wear is actually true.
It reminds me of a clown – no wonder I have never liked clowns – are they reflecting a truth within me that I am not comfortable in seeing myself?
For my birthday I chose to have a photography session with one of the many amazing photographers who belong to the Universal Medicine Student Body. There I was, in the presence of this amazing woman who was offering me absolute space to be myself, and indeed actively encouraging it, and yet as each minute passed by I noticed how sore my jaw and face were becoming with my “for the camera” smile.
It was such a habit to smile in preparation for the camera, that after a while it was actually becoming increasingly uncomfortable to continue to smile and the quality of the shots deteriorated significantly.
Funnily enough, as the photos went into editing we both felt the session, although fun and subsequently providing some decent shots, required a re-take. There was something about the whole experience that was very exposing for me, and in that, I realised that I wasn’t being in touch with myself, or my essence, at all. I was just presenting an image of myself that would be caught in the frame… where was I?
Cue a slight identity crisis. But what is remarkable is that now I am aware of these fake, plastic smiles, I can keep a close eye on them. It’s not hard, as they feel completely forced and leave you physically sore at the end of it.
What I have learnt is that there is absolutely no hiding behind these smiles or these attempts to make the world think that everything is ok. Just as a politician can’t tell us that everything is ‘ok’, as we observe the total chaos ensuing, neither can I flash a smile to the world and have everyone believe that I am just ‘tickety-boo’.
It is almost a mockery of the fact that people feel first; how arrogant is that? Here’s me thinking that I can use a smile to hide away, but all the while forgetting that people, whether consciously or not, are aware of what I am actually expressing and inevitably losing trust in me, as I am presenting one image, but actually presenting something completely different.
With this awareness, it’s now time to play and ask the deeper questions. When do I smile in ways that hurt my face? What is happening around me to cause the smile? Does it happen off camera, as well as on camera? Does it happen with certain people? Does it happen in certain situations more than others? How does it leave me feeling afterwards? Do I want to run away and eat a chocolate cake or does it leave me feeling delightful?
If there is one thing I am always grateful for when it comes to the presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, it is the ever-expanding support in the development of my awareness and mini self-experiments. I wonder what will be exposed underneath all these fake smiles…
By Phil, Sales Exec, Ascot, UK
Further Reading:
Energetic Integrity an Energetic Responsibility
Life Behind The Mask
Picture imperfect – women we have been framed
Ultimately what we’re all hiding behind is astral energy. A shape shifting form of energy that will be anything that anybody wants it to be other than the truth. Time to out it for what it is.
We can mechanically draw the edges of our mouths up but we can’t mechanically bring joy into our eyes, so often our smiles don’t reach our eyes and that’s a dead giveaway.
“I realised that I present this so that the world leaves me alone, thus it is a form of protection”, Phil something that I have noticed that we do which is very similar to smiling in order to not go deeper into whatever it is that’s happening for us is to say “it’s all good”. When people say “it’s all good” it often means that it’s not but that a person wants to stay at surface level.
Great to read this today as I have a repeated behaviour of visiting a person, it all seemingly goes well, but then craving snacks after the visit. What’s going on underneath the seaming ‘everything was great’?
Could it be that underneath it all we can fully connect to being joy-full, and that we can be in joy and not smile? And if True we can all have our own mini-self-experiment by first understanding how deeply we are connected to our essences and thus appreciate our ability to heal our ill way and these “mini self-experiments” can bring full Joy-full-ness to our lives with or without a smile! With Appreciation being our awareness of that Truth that our physical being is not all of who we are, and that we can be Soul-full and that may put a smile on our face?
Smiling when it is not genuine is both harmful to the one delivering the smile and to the one receiving it.
Yes yes we do, as young children we have it nailed we only smile when its true – though as we get older we can sell out to be liked.
Smiling from the heart when its true has the power to melt another.
Is this what we really want, with the plastic smiles, the world to leave us alone? ‘I realised that I present this so that the world leaves me alone, thus it is a form of protection.’
It’s interesting reading this article and how we think we have to put on a brave face and smile even we are feeling sad or upset about something. I can feel that with children they do not do this, if they are upset or sad this naturally shows on their face, it seems to be as adults that we perfect the fake smile and cover up how we are truly feeling.
Our movements can-not hide what we are putting on as a facial expression and the deeper we feel the more exposing of the falsities of life are and therefore the simpler for us to read or see straight through the put on’s.
Having a painful injury to my jaw for the last five weeks has been very testing at times, but there has been one big plus. And that is I know immediately when I head for a ‘plastic smile’, as it actually hurts fairly quickly. I know that I have reverted to these un-real smiles a lot less in the last few years since I became aware of their regular place in my life, but the last few weeks have sure shown me that they are not far away. Now, not to ignore the lesson.
Plastic smiles are always disingenuous as is not living who we truly are.
Phill, what you are sharing in this article is so true. It seems obvious when we have false smiles, it is easy to see and feel from someones eyes and body that in fact they are not feeling great and the smile is a put on and not try joy. I love that children cannot fake smiles; if they are upset about something it clearly shows.
It goes to show how far we have moved away from the honesty of childhood when we observe the beautifully open and heart-felt smile of a child; it’s like their whole body smiles. In stark contrast, if we were to check in with our body when our ‘plastic smile’ is in place, I am sure that it won’t be feeling open, definitely not smiling, and as for a connection to our heart, it simply won’t be there.
We can use smiles to appease another and this is a form of protection. But little is gained as we are still operating in fear about a certain situation or a person.
Often what we call a smile feels like a grimace. But we do not want to be honest about it, because it may cause a stir, or an issue with someone else. There so so much protection in how we use our face, very rarely is it open and transparent. We wear a mask and do not share ourselves, unless we think it is safe…so yes we often put on the fake smile, and if we allow ourselves, we can feel the insincerity of this choice.
We think we can hide from others and yet we are all feeling what is happening all the time, so very much a lot of wasted effort.
It is interesting, this link that you make between smiling, protection, and being left alone. Which makes me think about how lovely and important a genuine smile is.
We can hide beyond anything in life that is not of our truth. Plastic smiles are everywhere. Without us becoming honest we will not choose to let go of the plastic smiles and seek the truth beyond what our eyes can see.
As hiding behind a fake smile becomes less my norm it is lovely to feel how my connections with others are deepening and my feelings of isolation dissipate as I am not caught in the trap of pretending everything is fine when I am finding things challenging.
A smile without the eyes lighting up and shining and without the whole body expanding and sharing itself completely with others is a lie, is fake and adds to the corruption in this world.
So true Monika as we learn not to trust others because their body language is not authentic it is another layer of corruption.
I experienced last month the confirmation that people do feel everything. I work as a wedding officer for our local community and when I went through a personal difficult time, I thought I looked the same on the outside. But recently the 2 colleagues that hand out the gown and the documents asked whether I was oké again, because they had sensed that something was going on.
We can feel a real difference when we smile from our whole body lighting up and glowing as apposed to the plastic smiles of protection and hardness as a mask to hide behind and this effects our whole life everyday and is something to note and take stock of for true smiles from with in are glorious to give and receive and offer true joy to our lives .
“this kind of “everything is going to be ok” smile is not as innocent as it seems to be, it actually seperates us from each other. We are hurting ourselves something we can feel in our face but also the other gets a box without the present in it.
It is true that we do lose trust in people if they say one thing with their mouth but the body is communicating something else. Who are we really fooling?
When we look with our eyes we may see only a smile, when we feel with our heart we know wether this smile is genuine or not, a whole world is revealed when we open our heart to see.
We read life with our hearts, our eyes are very easily fooled.
Smiles are a great way of hiding your insecurities within yourself; you look the part on the outside so no one is going sense of ask if something is bothering you and why you are not yourself. And you can fool yourself too by falsely feeling everything is fine whilst deep down it is not. It exposes our lack of willingness to be honest even if it looks great.
When I am true to the fact that we feel first, the lie of turning on a false smile for appearances sake is exposed for the deception it is. And why the fake smile? Why not the value of presenting me just as I am in any moment? Honesty is a basic standard and foundation for life and all our relationships and it gives us the ground to develop so much more.
“the smile was saying one thing but the eyes and the body were very much, saying another.” As a child I always was fearful of circus clowns. A plastic painted on smile is no laughing matter.
Great point, Mary. Is that why clowns tend to feel so creepy?
I have seen children fall into the trap of offering a fake smile in order to please. When we start this young what then becomes the behaviour that we call the norm as we move into adulthood?
It is a habit that can become embedded and I know that I have used smiling as a way of protection and defence,rather than its true purpose of absolute joy…we can as adults begin to chose different and heal habits we have adopted. I love that….it brings out a smile….
False laughter is another behaviour that’s deeply embedded in our culture. In fact I would go so far as to say that we laugh far more out of awkwardness, punctuation, politeness and habit than we do because we’ve genuinely found something funny.
Gorgeous Phil, no doubt that those masks fall off when we choose to be more willing to be who we are.
And others can feel the difference!
I have clocked myself getting very close to a plastic smile a few times lately and once clocked made a very quick choice to release it. What alerted me was that I could feel my face beginning to change shape, my lips hardening, in fact the whole of my head taking on a most unnatural tightness. Once upon a time I would not have even noticed what was unfolding in my face but these days with an expanded level of awareness of the falsity of a ‘plastic smile’ it is impossible not to feel the plastic mask coming on.
Plastic smiles… there is nothing great about them, full of falsity and niceness they don’t connect to the heart and joyful expression.
A fake smile is easy to pick so it is only ourselves we are fooling when we think we get away with it.
The more we read what lies behind a plastic smile we are given glimpses to the levels of sadness, anger and rage that resides when we choose not to connect to the true beauty that lies within.
When we connect to the gorgeousness of who we are we cannot but help smile as we share ourselves with another in greeting, but to smile when it is expected of us or to hide what we are feeling is so dishonest and deceiving, I know I have done it in the past out of protection, not wanting to be seen as weak or not having it all together.
Not smiling when it’s expected can make others feel very uncomfortable and trigger them into all sorts of reactions and we can all feel this, hence the unspoken pressure to tow the line and smile. ‘Cheeeese’! But what if we don’t choose to take another person’s stuff on and simply let them feel whatever it is that they’re feeling when we don’t smile. I used to live my life constantly trying to engineer everything in such a way that those around me felt ok but not any more. How the people in my life feel is how they feel, based on the circumstances of how they’ve lived up to that point, my only responsibility is to align to a consciousness that’s true and that is the best way that I can support everybody else.
Fake smiles are not great to receive and leave a feeling of emptiness. Similes that come with joy and a true connection are a piece of magic that are transformative.
It doesn’t just stop at smiles, because i also notice the way I can laugh that is strained, anxious, cautious or relieved rather than from a true joy or humour – it is like a catch all response to laugh or hull or even just sort of grin in reaction to things rather than a true response.
Plastic smiles feel horrible whether they are given or received so to speak. A true smile radiates, bringing joy and light to the world.
“Plastic Smiles – Do we Hide Behind Them?” – yes, and also what with things like instant messenger or whatsapp so too can we, and do we through the emoticon symbols and or words present such plastic-ness as well. Allowing ourselves to really be open to feel behind what is seen through picture, word or phrase reveals the nature of (our) intent, to reveal the whole picture.
It is interesting how we can clock when people are smiling to cover up and pretend that they are ok, instead of allowing the vulnerability to show through. In those moments we tell ourselves that the person does not want to tell us or that it is a private matter, and we should not pry, but what if we started the conversation and gave the other the opportunity to get it off their chest.
Great point Julie we have the opportunity to offer them the space to explore how they are feeling without putting any pressure on them and although they may not take us up on it that time they will have clocked that it is a possibility.
There’s a part of us that’s relieved when another person covers up how they’re feeling because it allows us to also cover up how we’re feeling. We really are a nation of pretenders and pretty much everyone’s in on the act. And as long as we all keep choosing to bury how we’re feeling and not exposing ourselves then nothing will change, however once we all start getting honest about how we’re feeling and what’s really going on for us then everything will start to change. Pretending leads to a life of pretence.
The effects of smiling a “plastic smile” is felt immediately in the body, and in the main it will be instantly clocked by the one/ones we are smiling at. A smile without a connection to our heart is a smile with no substance, whereas one with connection has the power to change someone’s day; and that person could be us.
It is amazing what comes out of a seemingly innocuous photograph shoot
“I realised that I wasn’t being in touch with myself, or my essence, at all. I was just presenting an image of myself that would be caught in the frame… where was I?”
Such a great way to understand that for most of us we put on a false act in fact so many we can become a chameleon in company and forget who we truly are.
Phil you have a great smile!
When we smile from who we are the world cannot but smile with us. My nana always used to say a smile is infectious – she was right – a true smile brightens up our way and affects everyone we meet.
It is interesting how when we smile we don’t stop to look at one’s lips but are instantly held by each other’s eyes – no wonder it brightens our day!
It is actually revolting that we have a shaped world where we think that we need to protect ourselves from being or expressing honestly. It makes no sense that being honest and transparent is a weakness and the degree in which we can display falseness is a show of strength, and worse still that we are continuing to allow. It is getting us nowhere, and as we can see as the realness, magic and power of what life could be is being buried by a blanket of deceit, lies and corruption.
True Phil we seem to endlessly hide our true potential of why we are here and what we have to reflect to another, because it might not suit them. We can create many fake smiles or pretending behavior that masks away the true angle that we need to reflect to another. Hence stripping away those false ways of being, lets you be and come out of your hiding.
Our smile can hide so much. We would be much better off being honest so that people get to feel the real person behind the smile.
Fake smiling.. we do it all the time but it’s such a tool of protection and disconnection, and the ironic thing is that we and others feel and know the falsity of it.
When we accept that we don’t need to be perfect and have it all together, that expressing who we are is absolutely okay and actually necessary, the need to hide behind a fake smile starts to diminish.
“the smile was saying one thing but the eyes and the body were very much, saying another.” We can all read when another is ‘putting on a front’ but somehow we seem to forget that others can just as easily read when we are hiding behind a well practiced mask.
In truth we all know when a smile is fake or not, its just we choose not to feel it, yet connect to ourselves and no expression can slip by without us feeling the depth in it and indeed if it is true or not.
Especially if the children are forced to accept that false signal.
A long time ago somebody took a photo of me and I could feel my whole body shutting down so the photo showed me being very closed. What surprised me was the force with which it happened while I was simply sitting there and not doing anything.
This is a good topic to talk about – the everything OK fake smile – something I am familiar with and have played to in the past. It actually hurts to do this because I know it is not truly me. So knowing that we have an opportunity to choose differently – to be honest – to stop playing into the false picture when the world is asking to see more truth.
Plastic smiles and fake laughs are often used to hide nervousness. But it’s not a very good hiding place as everyone can see straight through both.
I had a photo shoot recently. What it showed me was just how much I disconnect from my beauty and sexiness because of being in front of another and holding onto expectations on how I need to be disconnecting from my natural untouched pure beauty within.
The mouth can perform a plastic smile, but never the eyes.
We can only cover up little for the actual truth of what we live us revealed through our eyes, so should we connect more to our truth and from there on look at our way of living and see the difference we can make – truly..
I got to the age of about 45 and realised that I never looked people in the eyes, I always looked just slightly off to the side and what was even more alarming was that this went for my partner too, which just goes to show how revealing it is to look into another person’s eyes and to allow them to look into yours. To see and to be seen. I now not only look into other people’s eyes but love it when they look into mine, it is a form of intimacy that is really quite beautiful.
The mini-experiments I’ve engaged with after attending Universal Medicine presentations have changed my life. Not because I’ve taken a prescribed activity and now life is amazing but because it’s called for a connection to the essence within me to have a go being in life. Rather than living life from the cover up of making sure everything looks ‘ok’
Lack of congruence, smiling to try and hide what is truly being felt, does not build trust as people feel something isn’t right here, there is no hiding, ‘ the smile was saying one thing but the eyes and the body were very much, saying another.’
Phil, I too enjoy doing those mini self experiments, I learn so much but myself, what I have taken on in how I ‘should’ be.. niceties, fake smiles, not rocking the boat, and what is true for me. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have given me consistent support with this through presentations, workshops and sessions.
“But what I realised didn’t add up, was that the smile was saying one thing but the eyes and the body were very much, saying another” – i have seen and noted this too Phil.. and it’s such disconnect that leads to the mistrust of people whether they are a politician, leader, boss, colleague.. even family member,… whereas look into the eyes and always will they reveal the situation and truth of things.
Just the other day I went to my favorite tea shop and after asking the owner whom I have come to know over the years how she has been doing, she curtly responded ‘Oh, everything is going great’. Even though she had a huge smile on her face I could feel that underneath that was exhaustion and something else going on, because every time I have seen her she has shown that same smile that seems like it is masking some deeper issue going on. But as Phil has mentioned, the valuable reflection for me was just how dishonest I have been with either fake smiles or telling people I am doing fine when I feel the opposite to this
I so agree, and can attest from my own experience that a ‘plastic smile’ is “a smile of total protection”. And like plastic is often hard and unbending it is not surprising that the hardness of this type of smile actually hurts our face and probably many other parts of our body. This precious body is very quick to let us know when something is not in harmony with its innate harmonious state. And I am sure that if we listened more often we would hurt less.
I have experienced the plastic smiles too and find that my face aches after a while. It must be so unnatural for us to smile this way, hence the ache is a way our body is communicating to us that it is under strain and tension to express with a falseness. It simply doesn’t feel natural for us to use our body in this way and therefore I feel the ache or discomfort is a result of how we’ve chosen to express.
More images are in the making when we are choosing not to celebrate who we truly are.
I can remember times when I’ve laughed and smiled so much my face hurt, and then reflected on how real those smiles were because surely, they wouldn’t have hurt. The other day I was walking into a meeting I hadn’t been looking forward to and I saw someone from that meeting along the corridor that I had expected to already be in the meeting. I was taken by surprise but what was more surprising was that I smiled a very genuine smile when they smiled and I felt it was a whole body smile. It was very sweet.
If you ever watch yourself on video it can be quite revealing. What you think passes for ‘normal’ or you being you, turns out to be an assortment of habits you didn’t think you do. Smiles, laughs, sentence filling, twitches, or even just the way we speak or stand – everything communicates our state of being in an impossible to miss way. Realising that this stuff isn’t the real you as you’ve done Phil is a great first step towards truth.
If we can’t be honest with ourselves or others, we are saying no to love and evolution.
I prefer truth and honesty, at least we know what is going on then, for me it starts with being truthful with myself, ‘I realised that I wasn’t being in touch with myself, or my essence, at all. I was just presenting an image of myself that would be caught in the frame… where was I?’
Though we may choose to smile and pretend it is all ok – as you called out Phil – behind each smile is a movement and an energy that holds the truth of our choices.
I would rather have honesty, even if that honesty is frustration or anger, than a fake nice smile. At least if someone is honest there is an opportunity to deal with any issues.
So I guess this highlights how it is all about connection, true connection with both ourselves and others. No falsities, no pretending, no being nice or wanting to be needed, just allowing ourselves to be all that we are and giving others the space to be this as well.
There is a profound depth to all of us and that depth can only be accessed when we simply allow ourselves to be ourselves. No game playing, no pretending, no show, no trying to impress, no anything other than simply being ourselves as we are.
It is so hard to just be oneself with a camera pointed at your face. I appreciate it is me who needs to just be me and not feel pressured to smile naturally for the camera. How much nicer the outcome (photo) would be if we let go of needing to smile at all.
We are very much conditioned from young to present a particular way for people. I was recently observing a four year old, who is very fresh and hasn’t been conditioned, she just shares what she sees and often I see people squirm or become uncomfortable with this as truth is delivered with purity and simplicity.
” I realised that I wasn’t being in touch with myself, or my essence, at all. I was just presenting an image of myself that would be caught in the frame… where was I? ”
The difficulty is that we present what people want to see , so they feel ok with themselves . If one was to present the total awesomeness of oneself, then that will bring up questions for the other person like “how come I am not like that?”
I get really fake when the camera comes out and it feels like the smile I give is so unreal. I think this blog is great, as it is just asking us to be more aware on and off camera and observe others and what their smiles are telling you.
We protect ourselves in so many different ways putting forward a mask to the world, all the time not dealing with the empty void inside.
‘Smile and the world will smile with you’ on reading this blog I am prompted to revisit this phrase. Could it be that if you put out a fakeness with your smile, you trigger the same disconnected and unreal expression from others too?
Thank you Phil, your honesty touches the pain of leaving our truth behind and how this is not working. Eventually it all adds up and we’re are confronted with our own choices of leaving our truth. Hence we are forever supporting ourselves in all our honesty and asking ourselves those questions and more, so lets make way for more truth to come back out so that we can be truth from inside out.
I have recently become far more comfortable with not putting on a smile or a conversation when it’s not something I feel to do, staying quiet within myself and focussed, or not getting caught into meaningless chit chat if it’s not how I feel, rather than falling into the perfect act of pleasing others and being exhausted by it
The more I deepen my awareness and connection to myself the more I realise how much I have been lying to myself and the world.
It is so great to be aware in life of all that is going on so we don’t get run by the world not truly realising what we are doing and saying on autopilot.
There is nothing more beautiful than a genuine smile that lights up a room, on the other hand, a forced polite smile fools only those who want to be fooled. I love the self observation in this blog Phil.
When we start to know what our face really feels like in repose, the wonderful transparency that lies there, anything else feels very surreal.
Having my photo taken has been an uncomfortable experience for most of my life but recently I have been more open to just connecting with myself and the situation and allowing it to unfold which takes the stress away and improves the quality of the end result no end.
Having been described as the ‘smiliest person I know’ by someone I am a past master at fake smiling which I have used to hide behind and not let on when I am upset/mad/hurt by something. Yes it is physically painful as it may well be occurring in front of gritted teeth/clenched jaw etc but for me the pain is more around the isolation I have boxed myself into by never being honest about what I truly feel and this often includes myself which is crazy! Since I stopped putting pressure on myself to smile unless I genuinely felt to my life has expanded in the connections I have been making with lots of different people. I can feel them connect to the authenticity of what I share which sometimes may just be a true smile as I pass someone in the street.
“But what I realised didn’t add up, was that the smile was saying one thing but the eyes and the body were very much, saying another.” Plastic smiles show how little integrity a person has, and can give mixed messages if we don’t see someone’s eyes or read their body language and energy.
When we smile in joy it can be seen in a person’s eyes and whole body not just from their lips and mouth – thus plastic smiles fool no one.
The whole body smiles yet we are so conditioned to look for the one area that often holds the “golden smile” that is far from real!
As there is an energy behind every single movement made, it is that energy that introduces us and meets the world, all of which can never truly be hidden by a smile, with words or otherwise. Thank you Phil for presenting us the opportunity to consider for ourselves what energy is it that we are presenting to the world.
I used to share a house with someone who was unpleasant, and often very difficult to be around. After they left another person took their place who was nice and polite, and always said ‘good’ things. But what I found over time was that the second housemate was just as upset and pained by their life, they had just created this game to control how you were. I could see in retrospect that I fell for this as it’s a way of being I have used in my life too. But these smiles and laughs that aren’t genuine, don’t let others in, but are harsh and hard and mean and a guard. Still very often I find myself dealing with the superficial level of life instead of the truth depth of what I can feel inside. Thank you Phil for this blog and inspiring me to drop my agenda and tactics and express what I feel.
Unpleasant behaviours are often more honest than a fake smile.
I love whet you have written here Phil, we need to take honesty to a whole new level, the more we fake for what ever reason the more backward our societies become.
I caught myself heading into a “plastic smile” the other day. It was the first time for a while I had been aware of this after having been a plastic smiler for many years. This time I stopped and felt my face; it felt rather uncomfortable and hard but as I released the smile I could feel all the muscles relax allowing my face to return to its natural way of being. Once it had I could feel why I had returned to the “plastic smile” and it was simply to hide behind it instead of showing myself in full to the person in front of me; an old pattern needing to be exposed once again.
What I have observed when I falsely smile, is protection and an attempt of reducing myself as well. This comes from the belief that if I show myself as I am, expanded and empowered, there will be an external reaction to that. What I know now is that no smile can protect or reduce me, but instead of that, contract me temporarily. Sooner or later, my real face will be shown… and this is really liberating and relaxing at last, because there’s nothing more exhausting that trying to be the opposite of my natural being.
There’s a saying that you have to “fake it to make it” – but I think we have come to massively undervalue authenticity, and how empowering it is to simply be honest and to stand by our truth.
There is so much that is communicated with our smiles, and there is nothing more loving and intimate than to receive another’s smile from their soul.
I feel almost everyone wears a mask of some kind, be that the cover up face that doesn’t reveal how we really feel or body movements that hide or diminish who we really are. All of this is to keep safe and to keep hidden the true self. But there is nothing more beautiful and steadying for others than feeling the real you.
I have found when I smile a plastic smile I am equally kidding myself and trying to convince myself that everything is ok. In effect I am knowing that something is not true but I am not wanting to be honest about what that is.
There is nothing more radiant than someone smiling from within from their whole being, it comes from not only the lips, the mouth and their eyes but from their whole body.
What is very revealing about this blog is that it exposes how much we put up with lies and the tactics we have for it. In effect nearly everyone has a mask they present themselves with which hides the true feelings and reality that they may be living with that is not obvious on the surface. The fact we generally have something to hide from another means that with both holding back the truth, the truth is not exposed and hence the fake reality that is being propped up is left to stand. Only someone in the heart open to exposing the truth is willing to break this down and actually ask the deeper questions.
And in this awareness we then have a choice to continue this game play or lay down the facades and step into life in all our natural glory…
I love this call out to develop my awareness of any falsity in my interactions with others and the opportunity to wonder, with curiosity not criticism, why I do it. Thank you, Phil.
Phil you’ve introduced a really interesting concept of communication; with the knowing that other people can sense what’s going on behind our plastic smiles or expressions, what if we were honest and open in interactions with others as opposed to guarded? Would we discover amazing qualities in our friends and family we’ve never seen before, and support each other to get through issues and what’s causing any protection without it interfering with our relationships?
This just goes to show how important it is to truly read and observe body language and not take things for ‘face’ value!
I used to be a ‘plastic smiler’ so much so that, like you, my face and jaw would hurt. It took me a while to clock exactly what was happening in my body as a result of pretending to be ok when I wasn’t, and when I finally did I could feel my whole body harden in response to the fakeness of my smile. These days if I get even a sense of a “plastic smile” coming on I stop and check in to see what is going on for me at that moment in time and there’s always an answer.
It is extremely powerful to let go of the mask within the smile, so our true selves can shine out our eyes, and we can let ourselves be transparent, and be seen, so that this then inspires others to let go and be themselves.
Yes a true smile is worth a million dollars, not the ones that are fake or come across as ‘nice’, but the ones that are heartfelt always feel amazing when received.
A true smile comes from within, it is loving, warm and genuine; a fake smile hurts ourselves and others. A timely reminder, thank you Phil, to not fall into the trap of giving fake smiles.
Funny thing is that even though we all know these smiles are fake we actually often demand them off each other. Many people can feel very uncomfortable and even get angry if you don’t smile at them 🙁
Not being able to really show our true selves results in us not being able to smile and feel true and authentic. We tend to make the smile instead a protection, it is a cover up to what we are really feeling. So learning to really smile with ones eyes and of course smile with our whole body.
We may adorn a smile as with any facade or mask – yet never will they mask our lived choices apparent in our every movement.
I know that we have all felt that feeling of when someone is smiling at you but they aren’t really!! You can read what is going on behind the smile and it feels really awful. So it is important to really smile from within, not putting the plastic one on, we all feel it when it isn’t genuine.
I love this blog it exposes so much and thought of it today when something came to me, that is how I used to smile and say hello to a person not because I was genuine but because I wanted some sort of reflection back to me that someone cared about me, or that I was ‘nice’ or to get some form of attention back by wanting them to smile and say hello … how insidious. Thankfully I love myself and others enough to no longer do this! Also this is a great blog to start the discussion to debase and deconstruct the whole smiling for the camera thing. I have seen some stunning photos of men, women and children who are not smiling yet it captures everything about them and their essence without having to ‘do’ or ‘be’ anything. The whole ‘smile for the camera’ thing has set us up to be fake and to not express what we truly feel.
A relatable tale! I loath being forced to smile in front of a camera when I’m not feeling up to it. It’s incredibly imposing, and it feels awful. It’s always soooo obvious when I see a photo of myself performing a fake smile. The expectation from others is what creates the pressure to comply, but for no true outcome. We’re all better off just saying we don’t feel like it, end of story.
Awesome awareness ‘But what I realised didn’t add up, was that the smile was saying one thing but the eyes and the body were very much, saying another.’ When we read body language, without going into reaction or judgement, instead of taking what we see as face value we then start to see the truth. Lets be willing to go there, to feel and expose what is fake so we no longer have that as a shoddy foundation within the world but instead one of truth, honesty and genuineness.
Yes and as we do ‘go there’ one by one we re-establish the amazingness of honesty and true relationship… I am definitely up for this!
I think we can all admit to putting on fake smiles at times in our lives, and it is as you say Phil, quite uncomfortable now to do so. When you look at photos of young children, for the most part they are really natural when you take a photo and are just happy expressing themselves and not self conscious at all. It is sad that we let that go as we get older to hold a certain look or way of being to fit in.
This is a great blog.
This reminded me of the times people who have commented I should be smiling at work, it felt they needed to see me smiling so they can feel ok within themselves and all I was doing was walking past thinking of what I had to do next or heading to a meeting.
So one day when I was asked to smile, I asked why as I was feeling sad today. I waited for a response and she finally admitted it made her feel good if she saw me smiling….So I asked, if she honoured what her body was feeling what would happen instead and she burst into tears.
Why do we disregard what we are feeling? Why do we pretend to be something when it is the complete opposite, it is so exhausting to be the opposite of what we are feeling and putting a false smilie is one of things we put on everyday.
I loved your comment Shushila, it has made me aware that at times I smile to make people feel better, make them feel comfortable and how dishonouring this is to my self and others when this is not the true way I am feeling, instead of feeling into myself and expressing from a truthful space.
Phil, I can feel reading this how ‘common’ it is that we put on these false smiles no matter how we are feeling, it feels like it’s the accepted thing to do and that actually looking how we are feeling – for example, miserable, is not just not an option, I can feel the falsity of it all and I have noticed that less and less I am putting on the automatic smile with people, for me I have noticed that in wanting to be liked and to be nice I put on a smile and that this often feels false and makes my face feel a bit achy, it feels great when I relax my face and let go of the holding and the belief that I have to look a certain way.
What a great expose on the anatomy of a smile; what’s behind the smiles that we share with those around us. I have some to understand that we can smile all we like but what the recipients of our smiles experience in that first moment is how we are feeling; we cannot fool people with a ‘plastic smile’ as somewhere deep inside them they can feel the truth.
We are taught from a very young age that it is expected of us to put on a happy face which later translates to just grin and bare it, and some cultures have this ingrained behaviour more than others. I was speaking with a lady from Poland and she told me how difficult it was for her to keep smiling at work (department store) and that at home people do not readily smile at each other even if they know someone really well, so when she came to work in the UK she was always being told to smile more. Then there are the cultures like Japan who are taught to smile a lot when meeting people and that it is very good for business to be very smiley. These expected behaviours seem ridiculous when we consider that we actually can tell if someone is genuine or not, but I suppose on one level we see it as a good thing that someone has made the effort to smile on our behave, even if it is false.
This really has made me consider all the ways I hide behind smiles. And even when I giggle or laugh – I am noticing more and more how I do this to keep the peace rather than I truly mean something is funny – or when I don’t express in full, I laugh to cover it up. A pretty big trick in my pattern of being nice.
A super important topic Phil. Why? Because almost everyone carries their ‘plastic smile’ in their pocket to work, with family, friends, kids and everywhere else as a back up for when we aren’t really feeling joyful but want to look happy for various reasons. But how many people, after using this mask for so long, don’t realise that a lot of the time they don’t feel joy and have been relying on the ‘plastic’ instead which has given them a false sense of ‘all is great’ which actually has no depth to it? In order to make change we have to strip away all the falsities, understand how we’re truly feeling and then develop a relationship with true joy, as you’ve shared in your blog.
It is quite funny that, when it comes to smiling, what we do with our mouth is important but not decisive but what really matters is our eyes which can be cold, hidden or beautiful or many other things.
Protection is only needed when there is a sense that you cannot handle what is being presented, a sense that comes from having been hurt in the past and thus a distrust towards people and perhaps yourself has followed. In my journey with my own hurts and distrusts, it has become very apparent that the more I learn to love myself, the more potential there is to always feel prepared and able to handle what life brings. And so, any smile that comes is genuine and from my inner-heart.
The flip side of the fake smile is that often people will say ‘cheer up,’ if they see you looking serious or maybe sad. In these cases it may be that they don’t want to deal with, or talk about anything serious. Putting on that fake smile is something I can image we have all been complicit in perpetuating.
‘Plastic smiles’ come from protection and are no different to when a dog shows its teeth, telling everybody to not come any closer otherwise it would defend itself and start to bark and or bite.
Plastic smiles can also be a sign of submission – unlike with a dog.
A true smile cannot be faked. It is a spontaneous eruption from the immeasurable joy we feel deep in our inner-heart, bursting forth to be shared with the world. If you don’t believe me, go hang out with a baby…
There is so much that can be communicated by the quality of our movements, whether they are true from our bodies and in sync with all there is or fake as a way of protection from our hurts and not being seeing, either will be felt for what is when we live with an open heart.
Sure Francisco, we tend to only look at the outer facade but forget that we are living in a pool of energy where everything is felt and being registered. We fool ourselves if we do not pay attention to the energy behind someone’s movements as we do register the true intention of what they present but with our mind we then only are using the images of how we like people to be. And in that we are ignoring us being delicate and tender beings that in fact do suffer from this self chosen reinterpretation of truth.
A great sharing… if we present an image of who we believe we should be and how we should act then we are merely performing dolls rather than the living truth of who we naturally and innately are.
I can look back at old photos and see where I have a fake smile. My smile says one thing and my eyes and body language is saying a whole other thing. The fact of the matter is that the only one we are fooling is ourselves when we put on a fake smile.
Great observation Phil. We think we are being open and engaging when we put on a smile but we may just be using the smile as a protection to hide behind to keep people out. When we smile from deep within ourselves it shines out through the eyes.
What I can feel is that there is so much that we can hide behind, a smile is just one. It is an easy one for us to hide behind. The thing is that fake smile is always registered in our bodies that it wasn’t true. We have to understand that everything we do, say and feel impacts on our bodies, even if we don’t think it does. One to keep in mind.
Yes, a closed face, a forbidding face, walking while stomping your feet, the list goes on.
There is definately a comfort in hiding behind a fake smile, it’s like being nice and polite all the time…. we agree to have superficial relationships because we don’t go deeper than the mask of protection.
‘I realised that I present this so that the world leaves me alone, thus it is a form of protection.’ Absolutely and I am realising that in life I feel ‘left alone’ whenever I choose to join what I feel around me that is not of me and do not stand steady in my own knowing of truth from within.
It’s so true about the fake or protective smiles we wear and how it shows we are not able to truly connect to and express exactly where we are at. In this there are the two levels of communication, the surface one and the mask and the true one underneath. It really highlights to me that we don’t have as a society a true relationship with ourselves, but that we are perhaps supposed to be something for others and “put on a happy face”, as they say. It also says a lot about society when we are not able to be real with ourselves or others.
Reading this again I had to really ask myself why I have always felt so uncomfortable in front of a camera and why usually I can’t even manage a smile even if it is fake, perhaps I should face my fears and get a photo session myself and see what arises.
This blog raises an important point regarding do we live with energetic integrity, are we aligned and live with fiery energy? If not what we feel on the inside can be masked by words and actions that do not match and are not true.
How inspiring Phil that you learned so much from your photo shoot and now are open to discover what is behind the “plastic smiles”. I too have found having my photo taken very exposing and can feel how my body starts to tense up as I try for that perfect smile which of course comes with a feeling of being artificial and definitely not being me. Now looking forward to my next photo shoot so I can let the plastic smile go and instead smile from all of me.
Indeed, it is one of the most powerful things we can do… To uncover, and then start to release, the mask that has become locked into place on our faces through our lives… It is incredibly liberating to start to let go and this becomes a microcosm of the macrocosm of our surrendering and reconnecting.
The only true smile can come from deep within our body. We can actually feel the difference between a smile of utter joy from our body and the cold smile of protection from our heads. Both are polar opposite and paint a very different picture about what is really going on.
I agree Joshua, there is a huge difference and we can feel it within ourselves and we pick it up with others also. What I find disturbing is that within the job market there is a lot of emphasis on people having the ability to fake a warm smile, and that is enough to satisfy the employer. It also seems that this ability has become part of our qualifications – maybe it is because no one wants to be reminded of how miserable they feel.
very well said Joshua – ‘the only true smile can come from deep within our body’… for when we are living the truth of who we are, there are no segments or parts of us distinct from others, we are whole.
It is so revealing when we do the fake smile thing, and most as you say Phil, feel it but don’t say anything. But for ourselves, you definitely feel it so it’s funny how we are settling for keeping up the fake smile which is telling us we are not ourselves, rather than expose the fact that we are at that moment, choosing to be someone else, and we accept that as connecting.
The camera can be so exposing indeed of where we try to manage our impressions to others. What was lovely to read was how you were able to come back again and connect with yourself at a deeper level and allow that to be seen by others.
Phil what if we allowed our face to represent the truth of what we felt, like kids the joy, the smiles from love as well as the shock or sadness is then there honestly for all to see. It makes so much more sense than a smile that does not reflect the truth for then that smile is a lie. As you say when Brexit was announced nearly every person “put on” a smile – yet the truth could not have been further from it.
What you share Phil makes me consider how far back this ingrained behaviour goes. I get the sense of being very young and learning that if I present an outer show, other people will be ‘happy’ too and potentially leave me alone and be fooled. When you put it this way it makes it sound like we are fending off vicious birds of prey not fellow humans. Perhaps it’s time we stopped and considered just what it’s like to be young and what we might really be feeling at that age, that would make us behave this way. For as you say this smiling game appears to be rampant in society today.
There is nothing quite like a genuine smile from someone you meet, a sweet and caring smile that is all about the joy of life and of being together. I find this kind of smile most often when I attend Universal Medicine presentations: heart felt full and open smiles.
When someone smiles from the inside out it is so deeply touching and is actually quite unforgettable.
It is quite revealing when we consider how much we can hide behind. It could be behind a smile, clothing, words, anything really, but our ability to feel cannot be fooled by all these distractions.
I never felt comfortable around clowns either and as a kid always felt a lot of sadness and frustration with them which with the smile was rather confusing.
And isn’t it funny that we think others don’t notice? It often comes off in waves and surrounds us and still we try to pretend …funny humans …
This is so true Matts – “What I have learnt is that there is absolutely no hiding behind these smiles or these attempts to make the world think that everything is ok. ” These smiles are so fake and serve no purpose whatsoever as people will feel what lies behind that ‘smile’ when they choose to connect truly, and often we just feel it even if we are not totally in touch with ourselves, but then we choose to accept what is shown rather than truly discern what is going on.
Being honest and real can sometimes be really hard to do because we have managed to live a life where we disguise how we feel so we think we are being honest and real but in actually fact there is a level of deceit going on. I know the more I am honest with myself I feel I can be this with others and be transparent for all to see.
The body cannot but reveal all about the livingness of that person
In our Instagram/Facebook world, people would do well to consider the message their smile is truly giving out. Because a false smile is always readable. Always. We erroneously believe we can pin it on and the underlying emotion will be somehow oblivious, like a highly effective spot concealer. Well think again. We can tell every politician that’s feigning and hanging onto their cover-up for dear life. We clock every over-zealous, manufactured grin and more importantly, the lack of self-worth going on underneath.
I have a young baby – and I have been observing how she feels first – before she sees. She will feel us leave the room or come back, she will keep her eyes closed and reach out for me – for her it is about the feeling first before it is about the seeing -and reading this blog makes me realise that as we grow up we loose that sense and make it about what we see first. But as you say here – this is not the whole picture! There is so much more that we discount.
A true smile from the heart, is such a gift to receive. It warms the heart and fires up every cell in your body.
Love this, and the particles rise in joy and reflect the same.
” the smile was saying one thing but the eyes and the body were very much, saying another.”
Serge Benhayon has inspired me to re-engage with a natural awareness that can read movements, enabling us to see & feel beyond the protection of a saccharine smile to what is more honestly taking place. Indeed this is something that children are doing all the time.
There are different customs and etiquettes around the world when it comes to tipping. Tipping goes back almost 500 years and Bribery, a form of gratuity even longer. In the US tips were what you got paid for jobs like waitressing and bartending. Your paycheck was you being a puppet on a string, you as the customer were paying for those smiles.
We definitely hide behind plastic smiles for all sorts of reasons, the main one being protection. If we can somehow stop everyone from seeing how we are truly feeling, how vulnerable we really are or even our true divine beauty then everything will be ok! 😉
And this makes no sense does it?Why don’t we want to let others see how we feel, and how often do we complain that we are not ‘understood, heard, seen for what is going on? As long as we pretend nothing can truly change.
Hiding behind a plastic smile so that we avoid feeling or looking at what is underneath the fake smile in the first place – this part really stood out as I came back to this blog. Why is it that if we are not feeling great we have to pretend and hurt ourselves in the pretending. Expressing how I feel and not covering it up has been and still is a learning for me but what I do know is a genuine smile feels far greater than trying to mask what I am feeling. Looking at why I don’t feel great helps clear that feeling then I don’t need a fake smile.
I love this Phil, thank you, it shows how much there is to discover about ourselves when we start observing and that it is ok to ‘consciously’ discover the things we do. We are doing them anyway so why not in all honesty start to observe them, lovingly so, and discover how much many of our behaviours restrict us and do not let us express the way we deep down feel.
There is nothing like that open hearted joy that bursts through and the natural smile that ensues. I often find people smiling at me in the street, and I realise I am walking in that joy – so it is very catchy!
It is interesting what you say here in that we can smile to the point where we start to believe it is real. Wow if we consider that as a society we have come this far where we know how to put in a happy face to close up to people and then we also know how to do that until such point that we believe it ourselves. That is a long way from the truth of saying ‘I’m not so great at the moment but I’m looking at everything and wanting to see more and more’ – I mean there is a humbling honesty in that – and we’ve chosen to bury it. Says a lot for the state of illness in the world.
The fact is we cannot hide behind plastic smiles and it is an illusion to think that we can. Over time I have come to realise this as I was a master (or so I thought) of protection through a false smile; what an illusion.
“It’s a smile of total protection, because if people see me smiling, then surely their eyes are going to clock it and the brain translates this message as “this person is ok.” ” It is amazing what we think can project out to the world, thinking that nobody will clock what is really going on for us, but when we are not living from a point of truth, there will always be those who can read what is truly going on.
“If I am smiling then I don’t have to present discomfort or sadness, and if the world doesn’t see this then I don’t have to answer to it. Maybe even through repeating this behaviour I can convince myself that I am actually ok, and that the feelings inside of me of panic, worry and unrest are not applicable and that the smile I wear is actually true.” If this is the case, and that it is possible that we can convince ourselves that we are ok when really we are not, what else are we capable of convincing ourselves about that isn’t actually true? This potentially opens up a whole can of worms Phil and highlights the responsibility we have to be true to ourselves before we can even begin to think that we are being true with anyone else.
I love this dissection on smiling and the questioning of what the purpose behind our smile is. Throughout the day we smile on very many occasions and it is empowering to bring awareness to where these smiles come from. Are they a pure reflection for our connection to Soul, a sparkle of joy from our light within or the joy of connection with another, or are we pulling in a prefabricated smile in order to protect us from expressing how we feel and keeping others from feeling how we are, which is not really possible anyway. Thank you Phil for presenting this opportunity to explore the quality of energy behind the smiles we share.
Sometimes I smile and I feel a pain in my cheeks. More and more I allow myself to feel what is presented to me and to the outside world. I cannot ignore the sadness that is in my cheeks which makes me fragile and instead of continuing to smile I choose to be honest and let the fragility be felt in myself and to not hide it in anyway.
Fake smiles now hurt my face so quickly and so acutely, which is amazing to me. But what it also makes me wonder is how much I was playing the game of life and ignoring the truth, when for years and years I would happily wear a fake smile without feeling anything in my face. So what else was i not feeling and what other parts of my body were actually hurting? And in fact, I can feel that this will be an ever evolving journey because, now that I am learning to listen, my body is telling me all sorts of new things.
If we were applying our true intelligence we would never need another to be in their fake smile, well not if we felt it was true to expose what we really felt. But often needing another in a fake smile is an arrangement, it lets us not have to address what may be beneath the surface.
These days I smile much less than I used to. It’s actually a huge relief to not have to keep it up for the sake of keeping people happy. Now when I smile it’s because it’s natural and much more genuine. I also express with words a lot more so I don’t have to convince people of anything through my smile. It used to be such a mask that I have been happy to discard.
Only recently I have noticed how I have begun to drop my ‘plastic smile’ and meet people without it although it still sneaks in here and there. Interesting though that at the same time I am connecting and talking to more people more naturally.
How much of a false face do I have, let me count the ways, I used to fool myself with the belief I was somehow doing good with my “plastic-smile”. When the truth is all my smiles were a cover-up. Happiness was just masking my sadness, smiling at someone while having negative thoughts. That smile where underneath my clenched teeth I was thinking if only you knew. All to this kept me emotional and in my hurts this kept me feeling lesser than the truly loving me and therefore I was not living in joy. I am slowly coming to understand that to live in joy I have to first feel the appreciation I have for those around me as well as myself. So I feel appreciation of others and am seeing them for who they are with no attachment for them being any more or lesser, this lights me up with a truly joy-full smile.
Putting on the fake smile is one we can all relate to I am sure. The ones where our face does this smile thing, it is but a veneer, not reflecting how we are truly feeling. This unfortunately is how the world is all over, we are not being true to how we actually feel in these moments. This literally robs us from being our true selves, to ourselves and to others. What a shame that is.
It can be such an automatic response to show a smile to someone. However, if we aren’t actually feeling to smile in that moment we could also say there is a level of dishonesty that is playing out that we can all feel.
What is happening around me to cause the smile? It is interesting I chose to read your blog today Phil because I noticed yesterday that I can smile at the most bizarre or inappropriate times. The smile was an automatic response to something that had happened to someone else, but what had happened did not call for a smile let alone the false little laugh I made. When I realised I had done it I felt uncomfortable in my body because a smile at that moment was totally out of place. I could feel that I had done this before and it was an automatic response that did not relate to how I was really feeling, so it was great to call it out and then read your blog, confirming how we can lie through a smile
What came to mind is the huge levels of control we want to have in our life, hence we seem to protect ourselves with a lot of guards to not show the actual hurts we have felt… And so creating all these false ideals that were never true. Hence we should not seek comfort but truth. Thank you.
The masks and smiles we can all hide behind we make very real and lose our own self . A beautiful blog offering much reflection and a call for honesty as a way of being then we feel who we are and so does everyone else feel our essence of love we all are too.
It’s really interesting that when we get nervous we can also have an automatic grim that is far from natural… probably put on because we are trying to hide the fact that we are nervous. When working this week I had a series of 5 adults on rotation with 2 at any one time watching me teach my classes for the morning. The beautiful honesty of one of the children in my class said Miss Murtagh you had a funny grin on… it didn’t look like you. (The same child also said in her wisdom, “why would you worry, you’re great” … basically she was saying stop fussing and get on with it!)
ha ha so absurdly true Shirley-Ann!
Funny I was just reading the start of your blog and looking at the letters of the word S-M-I-L-E and noticed there is a L-I-E in there and even lies as is often the case. There is also miles in there because a true smile can go a long way.
There is a man at our local food store that is amazing! Some cashiers are like thrashing machines that are so fast you can never keep up your packing and others just machine like, Next! This man smiles when he greets you, and you can see it in his eyes that it is beyond the store policy to meet and greet every customer, he is pleased to serve you! He picks up every item gently, scans it and then will set it down with great care or put it in your hand for packing. Genuine customer service is something money can’t buy, for a sincere smile will always be priceless.
Wow to think a smile is just another form of protection we use in the world.
Puts to rest all the slogans that
‘just smile and everything will be ok”
‘if you smile the world smiles back”
Looking at some recent photos of family and friends recently and I could clearly see the difference between those who were smiling in a natural way, and those of us who were forcing that smile! A spontaneous smile is much more natural and shares more of us than a set up picture does.
Wanting to be left alone by the world is a strong and powerful emotion. In my experience it can lead us in to all sorts of situations and experiences, and not all of them are the truth of how we feel about ourselves or even about eachother. And so putting on a fake smile can be the precursor to a whole realm of fears and doubts and other emotions that can play havoc with our minds and our ability to comprehend what is actually happening. When in truth we do have the tools to handle the situation ahead.
Phil one of the things I now notice is that a smile on the surface is only a true smile when the whole body smiles, yet observing life its often about the picture of the smile rather than the truth of the smile. We smile to keep people away rather than in connection and in unity with them. We’ve in many ways abused what a smile is all about. Yet when our body naturally smiles it radiates a room.
The expression we wear on our face can be so revealing. It’s totally crazy to think that by looking a certain way but not necessarily feeling that way in our bodies, we think we can convince others that we are ok, when inside we are really not.
Amazing how we use our faces to communicate so much to each other. It can be the mask to hide behind or the window to who we truly are.
Why do we judge anything other than a smile as bad, and that we have to hide it no matter what? But how would we see the complete picture if all we allow ourselves and each other to see is just a limited part of ourselves? We may even try to control and kid ourselves that we do not have any other sides of ourselves other than a smiley and cheery one that tells the world we are okay. How accepting of ourselves is that and how intimate we are with ourselves if we cannot be honest, and thus how much love do we truly hold our close ones and the world with then?
We can all feel the false smiles we receive from others! So why is it part of some jobs and part of the job description? Receptionists are top of the list anyone that directly interfaces with the public that provides a service; hotel staff, restaurants and people that are selling you something. I have known people that have said their face hurts after having to smile all day as part of their job and are told off for not being bubbly and smiley. A real smile is priceless!
I think its far healthier to express honestly, free from pretence or falseness.
I think in time, although it will take time, that the fake smile and everything else fake will slowly fade out as the more we learn to feel the energy behind everything, the less people will try too get away with faking it.
Oh how familiar are these plastic smiles to me. From a very young age I began to sue this plastic smile to keep myself protected, exactly because I didn’t want to let people in. I really felt that people will never bother to ask me how I am if I am constantly smiling, because my smile is a sign that I’m okay.
If we’re not busy being distracted by a beautiful face or a glib speech, the plastic smiles on the faces of our politicians, celebrities and public figures can be readily discerned. Judging from the number of false smiles we see each day in the media, we have built ourselves a whole culture based on inauthenticity.
‘If there is one thing I am always grateful for when it comes to the presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, it is the ever-expanding support in the development of my awareness and mini self-experiments.’ That’s one of the things I love about Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine too – the opportunity to try new approaches to the business of living that challenge a previously held belief or way of doing things. We can be our own researchers, working with – quite literally – a living body of evidence.
I bumped into someone I know at the supermarket yesterday. It was a brief hello and then we both went on our way. I was feeling tired at the time, but when I saw her out popped a smile and a bright hello. As we parted it struck me how automatic the response was and how programmed I am to put on a smile rather than be my natural self with others.
I have been fascinated by post Brexit and your opening line about politicians etc made me think of how I felt soon after the decision in June that I didn’t know my fellow man, that I share space and time with people who look like they are reasonable and loving but are in fact racist. I don’t think that is the majority of those who voted to leave the EU but I do know neighbours and colleagues who have experienced racism since the result. It does show that the very thin veneer that we conduct our polite societies with is just that a smoke screen to the truth of how we live in fear and separation from others and the pain that ultimately causes humanity.
…And there’s nothing worse than being on the receiving end of a fake smile.
No, not at all. Recently I had a conversation with this person I met at a coffee shop. He expressed how annoyed he was by the waiter who wasn’t smiling and having “good customer service”. In that moment I realised that, actually I would much rather a grumpy, visibly annoyed, waiter than a deeply hurt smiling waiter who;s just pushing down their emotions.
This reminds me of the old saying ‘fake it until you make it’. The more I feel into how much I have used phrases like this as a way of existing the more horrified I become. This is only one phrase in one aspect of my life and my life is riddled with falsities like what I have shared and the false smiles that you presented for us to all look into. Many thanks Phil, this blog has opened me to a deeper awareness of what was holding me away from my true essence. Thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon I have started to turn around these false believes that held me in a prison.
That is also possibly why clowns are so violent in their behaviour – either they get hurt or somebody else gets hurt.
It is such a nice feeling when a smile simply arrives and when it is big and natural!
Nothing worse than being asked to smile when you don’t feel like smiling.
It is pretty interesting to stop and reflect on this, that we have become immune to such a way of being that plastic smiles and i’m fine doesn’t seem to bother us – or does it and we don’t actually know how to deal with it? For me it just exposes the level of dis-honesty that I am happy to coast along in and not pull myself up on or another if they are choosing this as well. To work on my own transparency and honesty can only encourage another to do the same. Here it goes!
There are so many guises and tricks we hide ourselves behind. Most importantly losing ourselves in roles which society has deemed worthy of recognition and approval.
With this blog I can see how our entire lived way of being with ourselves and the relationships we each have with the world are never not being expressed through our physical bodies. So even though it is possible to manipulate the muscles in the face to show a certain facial expression that means a certain thing to everyone who sees it, even that manipulation itself is a reflection of how we view the world and ourselves within it.
This is why true harmony is so beautiful. Because with a genuine smile there is the expression of something far greater, there is and can be the expression of complete and total universal love for every single person.
Lately I have been paying attention to the photos people post on Facebook. Most of the time there is a smile on the face but the eyes do not always match the mouth. The eyes cannot hide.
We can hide behind smiles but our eyes can never lie. When in true connection with another our pretence and protection has a chance to melt away.
How refreshing it will be when we all drop the masks and facades and allow ourselves to be seen in the essence of who we deeply are – what amazing connection will be made possible when we cease to be walking fortresses, protecting ourselves from hurts and not letting another deeply in.
… why do we try and maintain the picture that ‘everything is going to be ok’…? When it would be far more honest (and less conflicting) to be truthful about any given situation. We all know when something is being covered up, but at times prefer the cover to seeing what is really going on.
I wore a smile as a mask for many years, trying to hide how I was really feeling. My eyes told a different story. When a smile comes from the heart via the eyes that is a smile worth receiving. The eyes always tell the truth.
The eyes have it, and will always share the truth about who we are.
It is interesting the extent to which smiles grab us and how it deter us to keep looking and feeling into someone (including ourselves). Yet, smiles are not always a true reflection of how we feel but more an image offered to the world with a purpose (this is how I would like to feel/leave me alone/I am not threat to you/you can trust me, etc.) The key is always check the eyes (they never lie), the face and then feel the body. The truth is always revelead even behind the smiling façade.
Universal Medicine helps to become aware. The healing is something that then unfolds from within as a lived way. Beautiful how you put this in practice, Phil!
“I realised that I present this so that the world leaves me alone, thus it is a form of protection.” This is such great point Phil and one that so many of us use automatically. But its crazy really because we are not fooling anyone, let alone ourselves. Plus it can physically hurt to force a smile when you actually don’t feel like smiling at all. A smile such as this can end up being a mask that we hide behind, and our face becomes exactly as you say, one that is unreal and wearing a plastic smile.
I reckon what will be exposed under these fake smiles is a very genuine, sensitive, loving, generous, tender man.
Great observations about how and why we smile – quite revealing really and a demonstration of how hurt and protected we can and very often do hold ourselves.
I was in a shop the other day that is always very busy and that sells phones and laptops. The shop is a good definition of organised chaos. The sales person I was in the queue for was fast and very efficient but had not moved from the spot in the 20 minutes I had waited. With every sale on their ‘handheld does everything’ box, products were delivered by runners like magic. As I waited I felt and observed how un-present the person was, that that was an important part of a tried and tested operation that ran like a quality built watch to facilitate purchases. When it was my turn, I was immediately greeted with the fastest corporate Plastic Smile I had seen in a long time. I asked if they unchain you from your table occasionally to eat, rest or even pee? I did then get a real smile, and it opened up a conversation that was not about the product.
The point you raise about people not trusting you is an important one. As you say we can all feel if someone is being genuine. If the smile is fake we absolutely know it. The more we allow ourselves to be genuine, the more we give others permission to do the same, so that we can all begin to drop our facades.
Plastic smiles are quite obvious. Wide, hearty, welcome looking smiles can be something quite different, too.
Yes Katie, it feels horrible-seeing the smiling face of the clown and yet many times feeling something far from joyful coming from them at the same time, creepy.
I love this Phil and it’s the same when someone asks me how I am. In 45 years my answer has always been “really well thank you” or “great thank you” or “very well thank you”. We hide and what we’re hiding is our tenderness because there are plenty of times when life is miserable but we don’t want others to know or bore them with the details. A wee bit of honesty wouldn’t go amiss.
As you have stated Phil, we all feel whether we’re conscious or not, therefore the concept of a fake smile, is known to us all…smiling can be used a protection, as you so well described. When someone truly smiles, the depth, the joy and the warmth that is shared in that moment opens the heavens up.
You have brought an amazing weaving here Phil, of an ‘image’ a public figure may want to don (the UK politicians you observed being dishonest), and how this is in effect, no different to an ‘image’ we ourselves may seek to portray (whether via a photo shoot or in our everyday interactions)…
The most powerful photos, videos and presence of another is captured when he or she is deeply present with themselves, and willing to reveal who they are to the world. We are blessed by another when their whole being is in alignment – when facial expressions, gestures and words uttered match the quality we see in their eyes. We all deserve such honesty, and it is clearly our responsibility to bring it.
Thanks for the call to accountability here Phil.
Love this Phil – for all the honesty that you bring… You know, having met you in person, I couldn’t help but notice how naturally ‘smiling’ you are – and I most surely was blessed by the true smiles that I observed 🙂
Yet you’ve taken the conversation deeper here, as it rightly deserves to go… Do we create a ‘safe place’ for ourselves through our outer facade? Would we prefer to NOT be honest about how we are really feeling – even though, the rest of our body may well be communicating something entirely different from our facade of a smile…
Such facades are all yes, protections – and they actually say to others that such a lack of honesty is ok for them too. But in truth, this gets us nowhere. Humanity is all the greater by virtue of truly letting each other in – to the reality of our experience, and not an appearance that fits a particular bill.
It’s interesting that we can often tell if someone is smiling, even when talking over the phone. A true smile is actually felt before it is seen.
‘Plastic Smiles – Do we hide behind them?’ Yes. And does it hurt? Yes. Thank you, Phil, for starting this conversation and the opportunity to be gently and firmly honest with myself about when I play games.
It is interesting that we persist in putting on a front, a smile and a show when all the while we are forever
reading each other and can see as plain as day when something is false, put on and incongruent with all that we have received.
It’s easy to hide behind a veiled smile of politeness that keeps others at bay. We seem to have accepted this as a normal way of expressing and communicating with each other. Yet, there is nothing like receiving a wide, heartfelt smile that is felt from the tips of the feet to the top of the head and everything in between. A polite smile doesn’t come close to this experience!
We can use our smile to distract ourselves away from actually feeling what we have felt and not want to look at. These types of smiles really feel very uncomfortable to do, and it’s like you can’t hold it for very long because it feels so unnatural on your face.
A great article to read Phil sharing your awarenesses about why we smile. I am soon to have a photo shoot, and what you shared gave me much to ponder on, thank you.
I have been talking about this with my children recently, we discussed how we do not need to perform for the camera, as in do the smile and keep it stuck there. I know I have gone into that habit myself, but as you said, it can hurt, to get your face stuck in that smile (grimace). Allowing ourselves to express in truth, rather than fake a smile, is very powerful.
I love your realisation Phil: ‘I was just presenting an image of myself that would be caught in the frame… where was I?’ When presenting an image of ourselves, such as a fake smile, we forget that we are in effect judging real self as not quite acceptable or not fitting in, and so we’re making ourselves less. It’s like having a split personality, and not at all authentic.
Love your list of questions Phil, as to why we (falsely) smile…..Lots to ponder here.
There is a fakeness in the world that is so common it is seen as normal, you Phill have with your honesty and expression brought a light and purity to a world that often runs from truth and realness.
Phil – you really do expose the arrogance we have of putting on a happy face to make people think everything is OK.
It is crazy how we don’t live each moment with the full awareness that what we see at a physical level is only a tiny part of the whole and that there is so much more to life. That energy comes first. So no matter how big our smile, if we lives by energy first we would read exactly where someone is at in full transparency.
Your blog Phil highlights the mask many of us wear, it is socially acceptable to wear a mask and in fact encouraged in childhood, yet all the time we wear this mask the world is missing out on our true beauty. Thank you for your honesty Phil. Honesty takes down the masks.
Thank you Phil, we defenitely use our smile as a way to protect ourselves and control those around us. however, if we discern what we feel we will know when a smile is from the truth of the person’s body or from the separation of who they are not.
A fake smile not only looks odd on another, but hurts after if I choose one. A smile from the heart is magic to see and feel, whether receiving it or letting it out.
A genuine smile from the heart is pure gold, a explosion of laughter from the heart and belly is something that just fills everyone with joy. It is delightful and sadly so often lost by the ages of 6 and 7. I was in a car yesterday with a three year old laughing it was without a doubt the sound of joy in action. I love it when a photographer captures someone really laughing it is really gorgeous and ignites in you the same feeling of joy.
Its pretty amazing how much we can feel from observing not only ourselves when we smile but others too. Working in retail I ask many people how they are and I have also observed myself at times expressing it out of necessity i.e that its part of my job. I now observe myself in these moments really connect to the person with my eyes and ask “How are you?” There is a marked difference in our quality of expression when we connect to our hearts and let the joy speak. Its so much fun too.
Yes, I have definitely had my fair share of fake smiles and fake or nervous laughs, which really feel awful on my body these days. Someone asked me recently, why did I feel nervous as they could feel it through my nervous little laugh. This was a change point for me because when they pulled me up, I realized that I do do that as a kind of weird cover up for feeling nervous, which only served as a distraction from my spirit away from me so that I wouldn’t stay with how I was feeling and own it.
There have been so many cases in my life where I smile almost to fit in with the crowd because everyone else is smiling or having fun. I would even smile to jokes I did not even find funny. I may have even put on a fake laugh or two to make the enjoyment sound genuine. Nevertheless it was not truly coming from me and my body and that is the place a true smile can only come from.
I have been married three times and on two occasions ‘suffered’ professional photographers and their dreaded cameras demanding my joyful smile! As Phil ably states “…and yet as each minute passed by I noticed how sore my jaw and face were becoming with my “for the camera” smile.” he re-awakened for me how I truly felt on both those ‘important’ occasions!
I realise now that although our vows were meaningfully exchanged on both occasions, we were not truly expressing how we each felt, but how we were expected to feel; which of course exposes why both marriages failed.
I have never been comfortable in front of a camera; and felt just as uncomfortable surrounded by people whom I didn’t really know. I have somehow always relied on looking into people’s eyes when they smile and I feel now that maybe my protection has developed from feeling how false so many of them were as their eyes were telling me a different story to the plastic stretched across their mouths.
Since attending the presentations with Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am realising that I was protecting my vulnerability, my fragility, my femininity, my beauty, my love; and more deeply, my true essence.
I feel freer now than ever before; and yet I still have a long way to go: I don’t offer plastic smiles, but I do offer throw-away comments such as, “I’m fine” when I feel that I just don’t want to expose how I am feeling, because then I must expose my vulnerability.
By the way: my last wedding day was in total contrast! No hoards of relatives, friends and ‘hangers-on’; just family members who mean the world to us. And smiles? Yes: loads and all genuine! I loved every moment <3
I know very well the difference between a plastic smile and a true smile. I use the plastic smile to hide certain feelings, to put on a front, to be accepted, to be liked, or to make a good impression. It doesn’t come from my heart and it doesn’t reach my eyes. In contrast, when I smile a true smile I can feel it literally bursting from me. My heart is open and warm, it lights up my eyes, my cheeks glow, and I radiate joy. There is such a stark difference it’s a wonder anyone ever falls for a plastic smile.
Yes, how readily we smile for the outside world and may present a picture in an instant of what the world may require, or our own image that we seek to project if not live up to.
A smile that is forced, invented and ‘plastic’ as you describe sits in isolation to the rest of the body – no different to a clowns smile painted on. A smile that comes with a true quality of joy, is a radiance that comes from within out – it is the whole body smiling and it can’t but be felt by the worlds, as an energy that expands out.
We can try to put a certain image of ourselves out there with all that we got. But I start to realise more and more that this is far away from possible. We all sense what is going on for people, which we don’t always like to see. Choosing to see it is a beautiful step to letting go this false image and show our true selves, without the cover.
Awesome blog Phil. Its great to notice these subtleties which we pass by a lot in our daily lives. And what I have noticed is the more I pay attention to these subtleties the more pronounced they become.
No matter what expression we show to the outside world If it doesn’t come with truth than it will always feel uncomfortable.
Not only is there the fake smile but I also clocked myself yesterday doing the fake laugh, someone yesterday that I met said something trying to be funny which wasn’t and without thinking this laugh came blurting out of my mouth ha ha ha. I realised what I had done and thought to myself that I’m going to have to watch that as it was just so the person wouldn’t feel bad or something. Later on I bumped into the same person and the same scenario happened. It is a default thing that is programmed into me this stupid ha hah ha comes blurting out as though I’ve just heard the worlds funniest joke. Something to work on in the future I was never very good at pulling of the fake smile but am a master of the fake laugh.
I found that I am more ‘making a face’ which suit when I am in the groove of ‘what do I need/get/want’. When I am clear in honor and appreciation of what I bring and that we are here to evolve together, so I am needed in my true qualities – than my face is natural. So my unreal face is owed a lack of appreciation and a lack of taking responsibility about my greatness.
When there is a lack of congruence, everyone feels it, ‘there is absolutely no hiding behind these smiles or these attempts to make the world think that everything is ok.’
A great call out Phil and I’m not excluded here. I do this as well but I’m also aware of that it doesn’t feel very nice and that is a great marker that it’s more comfortable to be real and raw than putting on a façade.
A smile can be the facade to many reasons, we can feel when it is fake or genuine… but how often do we actually stay with what we observe and bring understanding to whats actually going on? Perhaps our huge use and the ease that digital technology has made everything so instant, that it has waned our natural capacity to ‘go there’ because it requires a little more effort.
You touch on something that needs revealing, it is interesting how we try to change our physical appearance with a smile to mask what is truly going on and how we feel, although we can’t change our eyes which always reflects the truth within.
Our face and facial expressions tell our whole story… and it is remarkable how our faces can change as we do, and as we let go of emotional or mental stress.
Great blog Phil. We can all feel beyond the fake smile, be ours or another’s. It is very revealing to watch when people are having photos taken and the auto smile appears, and just as swiftly disappears when the shot has been taken. This is conditioned behaviour from young. The most beautiful and enlivening smiles I have seen come from a connection to the joy, love and connection that is felt from within.
A true smile comes from within…the outer expression of an inner connection that is effortless.
Love it Phil! Exposing the reality that no matter what we present to the world on the exterior, we are presenting everything that comes behind it at the same time. There is no hiding, yet we can all pretend if we so choose…and this is actually how most people live. Got me feeling how much energy we need to use to do that, to pretend we are feeling a certain way when we are not. There’s so much in this blog, thank you Phil!
When I am pretending to the world that all is OK with me when it is not, there is a deep unkindness and disrespect – the lie being most damaging to me – a non-acceptance and dismissal of how I am in any given moment that creates and perpetuates entrenched lack of self-worth. This is rife in, and deeply damaging to, life.
‘Plastic smiles’ cannot hide the truth from another, we can all sense/feel when someone is not being open.
Your body will tell you super quick whether your smile is fake. I find my face starts to ache in seconds. Another example of the brilliance of our bodies.
Yesterday i was with a person and as they were telling me their story, they kept on smiling throughout, though as soon as one smile appeared, it would quickly dissipate, and another appeared again, to repeat throughout our exchange…and what i noted was how much difficulty there was in gaining connection or warmth — things that most likely were what the person wanted to deliver, although in fact the opposite was occurring instead. It shows that faking it doesn’t work for the mixed-messaging it emits.
I feel like I have totally cheated myself and others when I go into this false way of being. I wouldn’t say that I have been like this much in my life but then when you stop and consider when we have those polite moments and not show all of who we are and where we are at then I have to be honest and say yeah that happens a lot more than I thought it did. Since working with Universal Medicine practitioners I have come to see this for what it really is and I get to feel the harm that this has on my body but also everyone that I am with that I share this depleted and contracted being that is not me but what I am choosing.
When I smile in disharmony to how I feel, there is a non acceptance of myself, an underlying loathing of how I am feeling, a dishonesty which I have to also account for. I would rather just be without a smile and allow myself to feel everything, express honestly and allow the world to come to its own choice. Smiling to get the approval of the world is last era and I have moved on to more transparency. When I now smile it is the whole body that smiles, and it is wise to not hold any of that back.
There is a multitude of ways in which we can keep people at bay with the messages of protection we give from our bodies, so who are we fooling when it comes to putting on a fake smile. People can detect everything and know when we are being sincere or not.
It is interesting now that there is a spate of aggressive clowns terrorizing others. It makes me think how a plastic smile if just coming from niceness is also threatening.
Your words here Phil put me in mind of those ‘crazy mirrors’ I used to see at fairgrounds when I was young, the ones that distort your reflection out of proportion and make you look like a clown. As kids we would run and stare and push and pull and make the most bizarre faces. Now I can see being ‘happy’,’polite’ and agreeable are just as distorted as the images these mirrors would make – and wow being angry, moody or rude are all just flavours of the very same game. Today I feel stronger than ever that I want to walk out of this hall of mirrors and show the world the true me, distortion free.
Great subject to burst wide open, it looks like there will be a lot less fake smiling in the world from now on because of this blog. The more people that read this blog the more people will ask themselves is the fake smile, firstly worth it and secondly are we really fooling anyone. We all know there is nothing better than a genuine from the heart smile and it can be felt but the fake smile can also be easily felt too.
I love that you have asked the deeper questions to yourself here Phil, and that you are willing to look at why sometimes you too put on a false smile. We can all do it, myself included, whether its smiling automatically to acknowledge another, or just wearing a conitnual false smile to cover up what is really being felt underneath. It is great to be aware of, and to ponder on what indeed it is that we are trying to hide behind, because at the end of the day, when we do this, we are not fooling anyone other than ourselves.
It is amazing just how much visually is masked by a fake smile, yet when we see this, there is no denying the fact that we can all feel that there is something behind a fake smile or laughter. What do we then do with this awareness?… Instead of reacting or blaming, it serves to observe and see what reflections, understanding and learning it brings to ourselves.
I’m noticing how my whole persona can be plastic. It can be nice or apologetic just so I feel protected from attack when I walk into a room. The irony is I feel more insecure for feeling false and less present so less confident and more in my head. Now I am aware of when I am choosing this I am now choosing to just be me and trust I will respond beautifully if required. If I put on my false armour prior to walking into a room I have pre-judged the people in that room – it is no wonder I feel to protect myself because judgement is an attack on another so tends to cause a reaction!
It’s amazing how we can use our facial expressions, body language and tone of voice to deflect away from coming from our true expression and what is really there to be said, especially if we want to be liked, accepted or recognized, or the other way, not want to be seen. It’s such a shame when so much can be said, from a body that is totally surrendered to themselves and in the joy of moving in that truth
I think I might have said this before but this to me is really important. What I love about this is after observing how others were with plastic smiles you then related this to you, and how, also at times put on a plastic smile. It is this sort of honesty and willingness to go there that brings a healing and true change. And also asks ourselves to first look at how we are living first before pointing the finger of blame towards another.
I have smiled so often to fill in what I thought where the gaps…the uncomfortable silences…these moments of quiet, I now relate to more as a stillness, a moment to reflect, no need to smile unless it feels true to do so. Nothing to skim over, being present and with the moment and open to what there is to feel, rather than putting on the fake smile feels great.
A true smile lies in the eyes, which are a window to the soul.
I wonder what will be exposed underneath all these fake smiles…Ah Phil, the world is waiting with great delight to know this also. Keep letting go.
There is so much investment in keeping the facade going even when it is crumbling around us. Perhaps true change could happen more quickly if we paid more attention to the crumbling bits.
Fake smiles and fake laughter…we can all feel it isn’t true. I used to just laugh if someone else was laughing, out of politeness I guess but these days I don’t. If it isn’t funny I don’t laugh even if I’m the only ‘poker face’ in the room. Often people laugh through embarrassing, abusive or sarcastic behaviour and comments in an attempt to make it seem harmless, but with or without a laugh it isn’t harmless.
“When do I smile in ways that hurt my face? ” i have noted this Phil at times in front of the camera when there is the self-pressure and expectation of what you think the photo/shot/and you need to look like.. and it always ends up looking fake. Being and feeling fake is painful, and a real hurt within that the camera manages to capture well. It’s not the photo we don’t enjoy, it’s the quality of ourselves seen within the shot we don’t enjoy ; )
Brilliant Phil, I must say that I have used plastic smiles to cover many feelings or hurts I felt.. And so it was a comfortable place. The better the laugh the more hidden the truth.. I am learning how to truly be with all my feelings and hurts and no longer protect them but let them see. My face has changed and become way more natural. But ofcourse there is so much more to reveal that I will look in the mirror everyday and uncover more that I hold held back. But what a beautiful opportunity that I can now truly see and let go , instead of standing back and pretend. This feeling is much more great than anything else, yes also the hiding! So everday I look in the mirror and ask myself the question am I seeing all there is, am I hiding anything and if so why, I am lovely so why should I hold anything back.
Boy oh boy are many in for a shock of sorts when we start getting truly honest, real and deeply honouring of what we feel within. No longer will the false smiles hold the lies they are trying to present.
I have always found it very difficult to fake smiles, although I’m sure that at times I have given it my best shot!
I’ve always looked for smiles from people for reassurance, to make sure everything is ok. It can feel uncomfortable if I don’t receive a smile. Without the smile we have to look at what is really going on.
When we are always in reaction to what we think we need to be around others this will constantly drain us. What you share hear Phil is quiet common so when we look at the in take of coffee, an artificial supplement to keep us going it becomes glaringly obvious that it would make sense to look at the way we are choosing to live, our emotions and the way we use them to prop ourselves up.
I like the way you call them mini self experiments Phil; since attending Universal medicine presentations i have been inspired to become a scientist of myself – an objective student of my choices – there is no better way to observe the breadth of self responsibility.
The smiling assassin comes to mind, the person that hugs you … to better put their hand in your back pocket and rob you.
We are so used to use the smile to communicate ‘I am OK, please do not ask any further’ instead of the true joy that can be shared through our smile, the joy that we can feel in the connection to our innermost and with all people we meet.
As we know putting on a fake plastic smile hurts the smiler and those receiving the smile; your blog beautifully illustrates this Phil. I am reminded to let my face express what my heart is feeling thus not hiding behind a false smile; I am also pondering on, can we really hide as our eyes reflect our true inner self.
I know I learnt at a very young age that to be accepted or even left alone, I had to turn on a smile and I learnt to smile my way in and out of everything. But this is very manipulative because it’s like trickery. I know I can sniff a false smile a mile away, and so can everyone, it’s just whether we trust what we feel or go with what is in front of us and override the feeling that the smile may not be true.
I know for myself, I have used fake smiles to cover up feeling miserable and equally to cover up feeling amazing. Basically I have used fake smiles to not stand out in any way.
‘It was such a habit to smile in preparation for the camera’ – For many people, it is such a habit to smile in preparation for life! We can ‘prepare’ ourselves for our days ahead by masking our true feelings with a smile or other emotion, so that (in theory) others will not ask us how we really are or see behind the mask… However some people can actually FEEL what’s truly going on, defeating and seeing through the mask completely.
If we don’t smile we are often seen as moody, grumpy or unfriendly. Yet to smile in a way that is not genuine is now something I feel far more abusive to myself and the other person, as it is not true, it is fake. Yet we are taught from young to smile, that a smile gets you through the day. Today I understand that being true to ourselves and honest is more important than the way we come across with a smile or not.
Phil, this is very interesting, ‘I realised that I wasn’t being in touch with myself, or my essence, at all. I was just presenting an image of myself that would be caught in the frame… where was I?’ I notice when I am taking photos of people that the general pattern is for people to put on a camera smile and that simply sitting there relaxed and self confident is rare, it takes encouragement for people to relax and be themselves in front of the camera, it seems that we have been taught from young to ‘perform’ , ‘smile’ and look a certain way in front of the camera, rather than simply stay true to us and be natural in front of the camera.
When I make eye contact with people I find it is often hard not to smile, and by the same token if I don’t feel like smiling then a forced smile is sore. So to be healthy in our bodies it is surely key to be ourselves in whatever state we are in. and certainly not force or expect another person to put it on either. You see that a lot with children where confirmation is sought from the adult who need the child to smile to feel reassured themselves.
Since reading your blog Phil I have been catching my fake smile more often and it feels like something melts inside of me when I let go of this forced external facade
“When do I smile in ways that hurt my face? What is happening around me to cause the smile? Does it happen off camera, as well as on camera? Does it happen with certain people? Does it happen in certain situations more than others? How does it leave me feeling afterwards? Do I want to run away and eat a chocolate cake or does it leave me feeling delightful?” These are great questions to ask and ones that I am going to ask of myself moving forward to further expose within myself the truth behind my smile.
‘Plastic smiles – Do we hide behind them?’ Yes we do. And when I let my smile deepen, expand, develop and warm up in my whole body (something that is happening naturally as I develop my relationship with myself) then everything changes. I am an open book rather than a fortress, inviting people in rather than defensively keeping them at arm’s length… and this ongoing process is ground breaking.
The common smile that is not a true smile at all but conveys a need for protection or even a defensive stance has been well and truly exposed; maybe the idiom “have a nice day” is next?
Pretending to the world that all is Tickerty Boo, is a deception we all buy into at times. I have caught myself with a fake smile even on the phone, such is the ingrained response. When we feel the love and natural joy within, the smile is in our eyes and in our movements, which says more about us than any fake smile.
Using a smile to protect. This must be something so well engrained and learnt from a young age that we don’t even register the fact of doing it. But, like this blog says, we do all know when a smile is not genuine, so my question is – why do let eachother get away with it?
Why do we hide behind plastic smiles? What is the benefit compared to a real smile?
I can totally relate to the painful face that comes from forcing a smile for too long, as well as the identity crisis that comes from realising that the face I had been presenting to the world is not the face that reflects what I am feeling. It begs the question: why do we decide to put a mask on for the world when we want so much to be seen and known for who we truly are?
We are even confronted with a more wayward version of this sort of mask. We have plastic surgery and permanent make-up. What statement is this to the world? Do we cement ourselves to not be who we truly are?
Great blog, Phil, what I got aware is the tension in my face even without a smile and like a smile an equal protection hurting my face, because its natural expression would be tenderness. Thank you for exposing this.
Phil, the shot of this photo makes me smile, it’s super cool because the enveloping maze-like hedge behind you, is like your embracing arms that accompany your gorgeous cheeky smile : ) Smiles like these are one big embrace and emanate an entirety.
This so pulls the rugs from beneath our feet, even when I was reading it I was like yeah I can still see where I bring that in ever so slightly in some situations, no where near to what it was like. I can feel that this has given me a reminder that we are all worth sharing with each other and that to do this with others is saying it is ok for others to do this with you. Being All of me and not accepting a filtered down version is something that I firmly know is my truth and the truth of All.
Yes, so often at my work parents force their child into saying goodbye and I can feel their resistance in wanting to do this, so when some of them finally say it, it feels awful for the child. The parents walk away with the child, supposedly satisfied that the child has complied with their needs but you can still feel the emptiness there from that moment that did not hold truth.
I love what you have picked up here…the lack of consistency between what is being presented and what is being felt and lived. It is our responsibility to live as ourselves and not hide behind a mask if we can. It is worth the effort and the dedication. People feel it all, so to present one thing and feel another just confirms to others there is a confusion in the world and confirms to young people not to trust, the world is fake. This adds to mental health problems the world over and then the coping mechanisms…mmmm could I just have touched on a potential contributor to lifestyle illnesses also known as non communicable diseases?!
Why do we choose to be in protection rather than show ourselves in full for everyone to see? When we are in our fullness, others have a choice to be in their fullness, too. When we are not, it is more difficult for others.
Those fake plastic smiles we were trained and at times forced to do from young, smiling on cue to please the adults, reminds me of a time when I was feeling extremely upset, and yet was forced/ bullied to produce a smile as parents wanted to take a photo!
Wonderful article Phil. We have certainly been schooled to live from the outside in, instead of the inside out! And we swallowed this dictate hook line and sinker. It is great that you have brought this up for awareness and discussion: ‘ I reflected on this awareness of these different messages within myself, as I know for a fact that I push out the same smile to the world; this kind of “everything is going to be ok” smile. It’s a smile of total protection, because if people see me smiling, then surely their eyes are going to clock it and the brain translates this message as “this person is ok.”’
I noticed hugely when I was working for a tutoring college. The kids, especially the new kids would always smile and respond ‘Good’ when asked how they were. Just one word, staccato answer and a forced smile. It was their protection against the adult world. Sometimes it took a little while for them to melt and really express how they were feeling.
We may smile but our eyes tell the truth of how we actually are.
I was with a friend yesterday who was having a rough day. She was so beautiful in her rawness and honesty. She didn’t want to go to work in the way she was and I questioned why? Do others have expectations on us to put on our plastic smiles and happy faces, or do we place that on ourselves? Recently I am more aware of how much I cherish the honesty of people. It doesn’t bother me if they are happy, sad or anything in between – what I love is when they are themselves and wherever they are at in that moment. It lets others in and is a gorgeous reflection. I feel safe to be me.
Yes Phil, we do tend to make life about whether we smile or do not. From such a young age this is our gauge of whether someone is happy or not. But we don’t ever stop to consider that you can smile in a way that is a full stop, a barricade or a portcullis. These smiles they say ‘get away’ ‘no thanks’ or ‘I’m in charge here’. Funny thing is, or not so funny we should say is that so often these smiles just mask a great sadness.
After reading your blog I was thinking about how scary masks, clowns and creepy expressions often feature a smile, but one that we feel to be false or unsettling – the ability to know instantly if a smile is genuinely from love, happiness and joy, care or excitement etc, or if it is forced, malicious, creepy or disturbing. And yet how often do we acknowledge and utilise this innate ability, the ability to feel what is really going on rather than the superficial surface layer we can easily manipulate to cover up.
‘There I was, in the presence of this amazing woman who was offering me absolute space to be myself, and indeed actively encouraging it, and yet as each minute passed by I noticed how sore my jaw and face were becoming with my “for the camera” smile.’
This is the thing with protection, it inhibits our ability to connect and experience love from within.
I used to try and laugh in order to make my smiles more real, but fake laughter is fake too, it’s only when we are feeling truly joy-full that our whole body laughs and the smile is a full reflection of that.
Do we smile for the outside world or do we smile from our inner world?
Most of us are caught up in a constant game of hide and seek but without the ‘seek’!
Its so exhausting keeping up this “everything is tickety-boo thing” and in doing so we distance ourselves and those around us from the truth of who we are and in turn this further cements the separation that pervades our society.
Good point, Jane. We can also try to hide how amazing we are, to fit in with how we perceive others want or need us to be.
Yes, Phil, thanks for calling this out. There is a much more authentic way for us to be in relationship with each other, and as you say it starts with those questions around what we are hiding or avoiding by not just being ourselves.
I remember when I was 19 years old and somebody took a photo for an administrative purpose and something came over me at that moment that shut down my expression so I looked much more closed than normal. I was really surprised at the process.
I’m sitting here now feeling my heart ‘smile’ – but my mouth isn’t doing anything. And now I try sitting with anger in my heart whilst, easy as pie, putting a smile on my face. Super easy. Zero correlation between what the heart is feeling and what the mouth is showing.
Since reading this blog Phil, i’ve become even more aware of smiles, they’re popping up everywhere ha ha!! … and the many different types there actually are, like welcoming ones, dissolving, gentle, assured, light-hearted. It’s made me appreciate the gorgeousness of a genuine smile from the heart that lights up everything!
I experienced a plastic smile from a colleague the other day and it made me reflect on this blog that I had read a few days before. It was interesting to be on the receiving end and what I was given was no where near the joy, loveable and deeply committed woman that I know has so much to offer others in this field of work. A wake up call or a timely reminder for us all on how often we can all slap on the plastic to avoid others connecting to what we all have on offer.
If we were to simply let go of the mask that we hide behind, we would allow our true beauty and radiance to shine out.And the more we do this the easier it becomes unti lone day we realise that we no longer wear a mask.
Brilliant Phil.. so raw , real and good to be exposing, all these questions are so important to ask and yet unfold. You found your power definitely in you. It is just a matter of getting everything out that is hiding that.
What a powerfull words you say: ”If there is one thing I am always grateful for when it comes to the presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, it is the ever-expanding support in the development of my awareness and mini self-experiments. I wonder what will be exposed underneath all these fake smiles…”
Lets all truly feel what is behind all these fake smiles, so we can be more of truth with ourselves and others.. Then life will become very interesting indeed. Lets figure this out. We do not have any true benefit from a fake smile (or being a clown)..
It is so normal to say hello and how are you, good, fine, etc that it makes sense this then is followed by the fake smile that goes with it. We are trained to be fake and we call it socialisation.
When a person flashes me a smile I look into their eyes and not at the smile, the eyes say it all.
Great blog Phil, there is so much here that I can relate to, not only for myself but what I observe in others. We do have a tendency to ‘put on the fake smile’ we do tend to smile and say we are ok, even when were are not. To not deeply honour ourselves and how we feel, connecting to that part in us that is deeply all knowing and just living and expressing from there.
A true smile can be felt by all for what it is and who you are from a real depth and beauty that opens our hearts. The false smile can be felt equally and has become accepted in our society with the underlying falseness currently lived. A beautiful exposing Phil the choice is ours as everything is to read what we feel and not just look with our eyes and not hide ourselves behind false smiles either.
I love seeing your smile in the photograph of you when I visit this site Phil – what a different story it would tell if our politicians were able to smile like this!
We can hide so much behind a smile or niceness, even appearing as if we are tolerant with others. Whilst all the time underneath we have not addressed our hurts and lack of disharmony with others.
Lips can do many things at the same time, smile and lie. But smiling eyes can never lie.
Beware the smiling assassin…
“…people, whether consciously or not, are aware of what I am actually expressing…” Absolutely, one can’t hide behind a smile, as the human body is like a radar and picks up all sorts of signals. Question is, how much of those signals do we pay attention to? If we did, there would be so much more understanding and less reaction in the world.
This reminded me of the phrase ‘Smile and the world smiles with you”. It turns out that it could more accurately say “Put on a false face and the world will reflect that falseness”!
Phil, reading this has made me aware of the difference I feel when I smile when I am feeling amazing in myself and when I’m not.
I can smile at a stranger in the street and even make a comment about how awesome they look, and absolutely feel the truth in it as it feels effortless. I can also smile at someone I know in passing, at work for example, and I can feel how much effort it is when I’m tired or not feeling my best. But I smile anyway out of etiquette, because that’s what I was taught to do. I don’t even realise I’m doing it.
Why on earth do we do things we don’t feel to do?
Sometimes a smile happens before we even realise – we are so ingrained with the expectation that this is how we present, it is a part of etiquette regardless of whether it is true or not. It feels as though it can be another movement that does not come with true presence, something we do not pause to feel and then bring our whole quality of presence to. I am remembering an old unspoken ‘rule’ as a child that you smile when people speak to you but what if everything within you is telling you that there is something very wrong with the situation. I love how the plastic ‘Smile’ has been exposed and is now being discussed. Thanks Phil.
This reminds me that everything is to be constantly observed. The nice and friendly behaviours, especially those ones that we ‘want’ to see, can be equally as devastating if we don’t feel the energy behind the actions.
A true smile emanates from deep within. There is no force or trying but arises from a deep knowing, from a stillness, from joy – from love.
There is nothing to hide in a world of energy. There is only what is of truth and what is not of truth and therefore even a smile can be a lie.
This blog is so wise Phil and touches on something that we all may have had experience with. It seems no matter what we try and make the outside of it doesn’t reflect what is within it doesn’t feel fulfilling
Being “right” comes from searching outside to find something that feels safe and enables us to survive in difficult situations, it is a protection, a guard, whereas expressing a truth comes from within, in the deeper places within us where we can feel, see and sense everything going on in us and around us and discern where the love, support and harmony lie. The question I ask myself is”What beliefs are stopping me being in that place I truly want to be?”
Having read your blog recently when I went to a party the other evening I was very aware of the different smiles i encountered and how I responded, to them and of my own smiles too. Lovely to just focus on the feeling that is there rather than the content of the conversation and this allowed me to surrender a lot more to myself and stay with love.
Thank you for this playful yet very revealing blog Phil. As I read your words I found myself feeling quite fearful of the prospect of living without my fake smile. My smile has helped me feel so protected, I am afraid people will be angry at me if I stop smiling my fake smile. I am going to start paying a lot more attention to my smile and the way I use it as I don’t want to use it as a form of protection when it has the potential to communicate the love in my heart.
The beauty I am should be captured by a photo. But how often do I think I can control this beauty and ‘make it happen’ instead of letting it shine through. If I do not live ‘what is there’ every day, how could I trust in it that it will shine through when I need it for the photo? The beauty we are is not to be controlled – it is to be lived.
This made me wonder whether the fake smile is the whole reason I never liked having my photo taken and in any formally taken photo I kind of look a bit out of sorts. Say cheese or having to smile on demand has never been a natural thing to achieve.
Really great ‘exposure’ here! I can so relate to everything you share Phil – that smile but then the anxiety that sits in the eyes. I looked in the mirror the other day and smiled at myself and for the first time did not see any anxiety in my eyes – I looked settled. I notice too at times that I often laugh nervously after I have delivered something which may make people feel uncomfortable – it’s like I”m saying, here’s the truth of what I felt, but then apologise with a laugh to water down and deflect any feedback – or saying: ‘I’m only kidding, just don’t take that last bit too seriously.’ Total protection. Thanks again for the exposure Phil.
I keep being drawn back to this blog Phil. After reading it I have become aware of just how many times I ‘fake a smile’ in and how many other versions of facial expressions are running on automatic – all incongruent to the truth I am feeling in my body. They are subtle but they are most definitely ingrained defence behaviours and they do not feel great, loving or joyous.
A smile from who we truly are is all that is required, not a smile for politeness, for acceptance, for custom, for nervousness, for etiquette, to pretend, to hide… (and the list of smiles goes on and on…).
“If I am smiling then I don’t have to present discomfort or sadness, and if the world doesn’t see this then I don’t have to answer to it” – yes, quite, and it means people don’t ask you as they assume you’re ok foxed by the smile. I remember the story about the smiling or laughing clown, and then beneath the smile him removing his mask to reveal a huge hurt, sadness, tears, devastation and desperation. The famous story resonated and was so popular amongst people because…how often do we live life and work exactly like this ourselves too? It’s a known fact that beneath plastic, or performance smiles lies so much more.
Reading this blog I am feeling the arrogance of the fake smile and how we have all at time hidden our true expression of ourselves behind the fake smile.
When we are connected to ourselves our awareness level intensifies and it gives us space to explore and see the world and how we interact and move in it from a completely new and refreshing angle. Learning to embrace our awareness and reading from there is a great tool we have and one that we can utilise anytime. Thank you Phil.
‘It is almost a mockery of the fact that people feel first; how arrogant is that? ‘ This is so true. We not only pretend that we can’t feel, but that others can’t feel either.
It seems to be becoming more and more obvious juts how false the smiles and reassurance of politicians and world leaders are as the state of humanity deteriorates further. Why do we accept the stubborn insistence that we are evolving and advancing when our way of living together is barely any better than it has been at any other time?
Today I observed a smile that came straight from the heart, the smile was not directed at me and yet the smile has not left me, it has stayed with me the whole day. When we smile a true smile we give a blessing not just to the person or people we are connecting with, we give a blessing to everyone.
Fake smiles are as common as the response a person gives you when you ask them how they are and they say ”I am good.” Neither gives you any real indication of how the person actually is. We need to read these situations and respond to what is underneath and not the façade, this then supports the person to go beyond the fakeness and feel what is truly going on.
What is presented here may raise the fundamental question of what we actually use communication for, is it to commune with one another or keep each other distant?
We fool ourselves when we fake smile. Sometimes when I catch myself in this, or in being serious I actually (as a joke) try to hold being serious.. I end up cracking up laughing every time. Life is not made to be too serious.. seriously.
‘Say cheese’!!! Absolutely how fake is that ‘cheesy, plastic smile.’ Where does it come from and how relevant is it to what we are feeling? When my inner-heart glows the plastic smile goes out the window and the cheese just gets moldier on the shelf!
Awesome blog Phill. We do everyone such a disservice when we hide what we are truly feeling – as it does not allow them equally to feel what they are really feeling, or at least be open to starting to feel. We’ve indeed been walking around with ‘plastic smiles’ for far too long. Thank you Phill for exposing this further, and encouraging me to take how I’m really feeling everywhere I go.
Awesome revelation Phil – it is amazing how much we present one version of ourselves to the world which keeps people away yet feel differently on the inside. It is like people would much rather hear you are doing ok but the moment you say you are struggling or are doing amazing suddenly they react. It is crazy really how much we morph ourselves into what we think the world wants rather than being ourselves no matter whether its worts or glory!
Phil I’m really appreciating taking notice of all the times i smile or laugh when that is not truly how I feel, I may do it to mask how I feel or to make another more “at ease” how arrogant when the one thing we all cry out for is truth.
What I love about the Universal Medicine presentations is that the presenters live with such transparency. What you feel is what is shown on the outside.
Phil, it has been great to ponder on your article and notice when and why I am smiling in my day to day, I notice that I smile at most people I see, I can feel how when I walk my son to school it is very routine for me to smile at the same people in the same way, I can feel how some smiles are genuinely loving and true and some times I am smiling out of politeness and thinking that I have to, this feels horrible and makes my jaw ache and leaves me feeling empty, its been great to observe and be aware of this. I can also feel how it seems unimaginable to actually not smile, to show on my face what I am feeling if im feeling sad or overwhelmed etc – very interesting!
‘Does it happen off camera, as well as on camera? Does it happen with certain people? Does it happen in certain situations more than others?’ – These are really important and significant questions Phil, as it’s possible that someone in our lives – a friend, family member, coworker etc., could know a completely different version of us to how we really are, because of the personality we put on when we’re around them.
Some people are unable to remember faces (I am one of them) and neuroscientists try to train our brains by using photographs for us to ‘learn’. The trouble is, I find that most photographs do not show the real person, so I am unable to recognise who the person is – celebrities particularly. As Phil explains so clearly in this article, he wasn’t being truly himself, and that is the same for so many posed photographs, the natural movements we have become stilted as we pose, trying to present an image for the camera. I love photographers who play with you and who can bring out the natural joy in both the body and the face, so that the true essence of the person shines out.
Time to get honest and to allow our selves to feel, own and admit what is really going on underneath the ‘regulation smile’. And its such a relief when we do, being honest actually conserves our energy, an act that in itself goes a long way to restoring that genuine, show stopping smile from the heart.
The fake smile is so easily seen, and perhaps one day soon the world will no longer accept a smile “at face value” but instead ask what is seen in the eyes, for the eyes never lie.
Why is it that we instruct people to smile for the camera- why can’t we let them be how ever they are feeling? I recently had an amazing photo taken of me where I am not smiling, I do not look sad or poesy or angry, it was wise and still and had I gone into ‘smile for the camera mode’ I would have never seen that quality I have, captured like this photographer managed to do.
You only need to turn on the TV or open up a magazine to find the plastic smiles covering each page. Selling an image that we all know deep down inside is not true.
I love how you say Phill about the development of your awareness and mini self-experiments, we are indeed all a living science.
Is it any wonder that there is such distrust of politics, seeing it as a game or all based on lies when our politicians smile in the face of disaster and questions rather than being open and honest.
How many of us really stop and consider how insane this two faced approach to life really is… I certainly haven’t for a very long time – all the while aware of the games we play but not confident to call it out because everyone else is playing along with it so you don’t want to stand out. But surely it is fair to say that the world currently is yelling out for another way to be – we are literally at rock bottom and what I wonder is what is it going to take to shake us out of such a dark slumber for falseness?
I love the picture of you Phil. So you, so tender, so real, so open, so innocent, so revealing the love that you are. I can’t help but smile myself!
There’s such a strong belief that we’re to ‘smile’ to the world, to act that we’re okay. This is so wide spread that nearly everyone contributes to it. I used to think that it was me that was smiling, but just as Phil, I realise that often when I’m smiling it’s not me. I’m to re-learn to choose connection with myself first. And smile from here. A true smile is lovely to feel whether the smile is from myself or someone else, it’s very confirming of the innate love we are.
A smile can be the shield behind which we can hide or a smile can be the door to open our hearts to another.
I love the deeper questions you are asking here, Phil, and your willingness to keep learning and evolving rather than putting up a front that you’ve always known is not the true you. I have found too that it is exhausting to keep perpetuating such falsity.
A topic of recent community discussion is the mal-intent behind some very deliberate smiles. People will use the smile to lure others in, seduce them and win them over. People like this give not only smiles, but humanity a feeling of mis-trust when the truth is exposed, which it always is given the time and space.
The fact that we feel energy first, before we hear, see, smell etc., is not an ability that we have learnt to appreciate and apply in our lives. When this important ability is understood and lived by, it is a true game changer.
It is interesting that our body can be moving in one way whilst we are clearly forcing our facial gestures to behave in another – a will to overpower the natural response of our body which is not so hidden as you point out. We are all familiar with each others masks and lack of sincerity for this mirrors a perhaps old and comfortable pattern of our own to ‘grin and bear it’, ‘put on a happy face’ and override our knowing with the mind that ‘it will be ok”. This is a pattern that is instilled in us from young and will be wise to not keep passing on to our children and future generations. Rather, to raise our young with genuine connection to self and to their body and to honour their true responses in life. This begins with ourselves and our own responses to life and to living the Truth we all know.
We learn to smile on command from a very young age, in effect we are learning how we can get rewarded and how to be nice and polite. These are the empty smiles sometimes even without any eye contact. I notice with myself that it is a continuous process to stop these smiles to please others, it can feel as a reflex action to keep someone on a distance. When I choose to connect there is no space for this plastic smile, my eyes will make eye contact and my smile comes from inside out.
It is one thing to know oneself and another to be oneself in every situation, both needs to be re-discovered, re-learnt, put to practise in various situations before we can really be sure to be authentic. Crazy thing that we lose knowing ourselves during childhood and then need to come back to it, but as long as children are not reflected and raised by adults who are themselves and hence will be confirming children to also be simply themselves there will be some work to do to restore ourselves.
We are really kidding ourselves when first when we fake smile, arn’t we?
‘…no wonder I have never liked clowns – are they reflecting a truth within me that I am not comfortable in seeing myself?’ I love the fact that you have considered what clowns reflect back to us about ourselves when we feel like this Phil – beautiful honesty and openness.
A plastic smile is such a killer. Both to the one who is smiling…but also to the one who is being smiled at. “Oh..Ok..so you’re lying..I can see that in your smile..which I know isn’t true..because I can see something else in your eyes and in your body…and in the way you talk…yet you are lying to me…so I sure ain’t gonna tell you the truth of how I am…so, here you go, here’s an equally fake smile from me…perfect.” and so the lies keep getting told.
Yes we hide behind plastic smiles. But do we also do the opposite? When we are feeling alive, vital, inspired, committed and full of the joys and beans of life…do we claim that? or do we keep ourselves small and less because we know that others are having a grim day? Is it possible that this is just as damaging as hiding behind a plastic smile?
It feels quite strange to drop the usual smile. But it actually feels a great deal more genuine, and I can feel how empowering it is. When I smile I want it to be a true smile from within, and not an automatic grin.
And the questions you put at the end of your blog are so great to take on board – we all can check in and observe how we are with our smiles – where and when and how does it feel – great project, thank you.
Very interesting observations and questions Phil, and you are so right that people feel before they see. How often have we felt something in another but the face tried to communicate something different … children seem to be onto this straight away as often they can communicate that what they feel as being not what they see ….
For me, all this fake smiling or also other adjusted face-movements and sympathy/agreement signaling, is a thinking ourselves safe. We want to be safe – not real, not true. That’s a kind of control – but this does never function at the end, and we know that. But we try. We in fact give our best of trying. But the real, true ‘me’ lies inside me and have to be surrendered to. I so often catch myself with a faked smile or other adjusted facial expressions and asked myself as well, why? What is behind this? And I can spent time with the analysis…or connect to my truth and express from here. Life can be so simple – always it is just a choice. True safety I found just in being & expressing me – never in control. But that’s a journey to discover as our life in the moment is very much about control.
The hospitality jobs that require you to smile and be pleasant must be similar to a ballerina’s feet… the pain that is suffered to present something pleasant to others at the cost of one’s self.
What a fabulous observation.
I was at the airport yesterday which is a breading ground for fake smiles. It actually feels like a fake smile is a part of the uniform of an air stewardess; which is why when I saw an air stewardess genuinely beaming at a customer, it really stood out and not surprisingly the customer was beaming back!
when we remember that we can feel everything, as can everyone else, then we will be taking the steps back towards remembering that we are all part of the one light and there is no truth in the separative way we currently live.
I realised that I present this so that the world leaves me alone, thus it is a form of protection. You are so right Phil, we have so many of these little ways that keep others at bay and stop us from letting others in and essentially, letting our true selves out. So lovely that you have chosen to show the world the real and amazing you.
A line of questioning that can only bring deeper awareness and more of the full you! “When do I smile in ways that hurt my face? What is happening around me to cause the smile? Does it happen with certain people? Does it happen in certain situations more than others? How does it leave me feeling afterwards? Do I want to run away and eat a chocolate cake or does it leave me feeling delightful?”… very revealing when answered honestly – Particularly love this one to experiment with: Does it happen in certain situations more than others?, thank you Phil.
It always amazes me how so much can come from a simple idea turned into a blog and how expanded that idea gets from all the comments and this is no exception Phil, it really makes us look and scrutinise all the times we use the fake smile. I have no fake smile for the camera, if I try it looks ridiculous, but this blog has me realise I have a half convincing protection smile, one that says yes when i mean no, one that says I’m fine when I’m not and happy when I’m sad. Getting to grips with this honestly, brings me one step closer to being the real me.
So revealing Phil. All too often I know that I put on a smile or say that I am fine to protect myself from revealing how I truly feel and the openness and vulnerability that this entails. The problem with this for me, is that it starts with a little form of protection here and there and then escalates into me holding back and not being true to myself.
Plastic smiles cannot be truthful, so, by definition, they are not a true and full expression. Therefore, on the surface, plastic smiles always hide something but we can still feel, if we so choose, what is being hidden.
What a beautiful birthday present Phil, and one that will continue to confirm and unfold.
We all know and feel a genuine smile in another – it lights up a room and brings so much joy and delight… and conversely, we also know and feel when a smile isn’t genuine – it feels awful. So it makes me wonder why we continue to lie with our own ‘cover-up’ smiles?
Phil, you have exposed the dishonesty of the false smile, the “smile of total protection”, set up to fool us that everything is okay, yet as you say: “there is absolutely no hiding behind these smiles” because people can feel what’s happening underneath though they may wish not to be aware of it consciously.
Smiles are used in business to hide behind or mis represent and we believe we are ‘getting away with it’ when actually we can see through these false walls as we know the truth when we allow ourselves to feel.
Reading your blog made me remember doing a photo shoot, a few years ago now and my lips kept trembling. It was an awful feeling and I really struggled but it was because I didn’t feel okay with who I was, I was anxious and had been hiding my whole life, I never let people take photos and I can now appreciate that I have changed that. I don’t mind being in front of the camera anymore. I don’t mind showing you who I am and just thinking about this makes me realise that sometimes we think we are a certain way and that is it, we will always be like that but so much can change as most of it is learnt behaviours that we use and what is beautiful is when we just let our true self be seen.
This raises the question of just how many other ways we also live in pretense, such as our rehearsed reactions, emotional outplays and layers of protection. How beautiful it is to be able to keep peeling back the layers to become more and more of who we are.
Great blog Phil, I was never a victim of a sore face from smiling too much, but very poor in front of the camera for the conflicted feeling of how to act –still in the same place of not knowing who I was, but very poor at pretending and often fooled how confident people looked in front of the camera. I agree that if you take a look and feel the quality of reflection in someone’s eyes then much is revealed about the rest of their face. Occasionally you get to experience a persons clear sense of connection to themselves and the quality of light they emanate. It is very beautiful and uplifting to see this true reflection of someone’s essence in a photograph.
You have nailed it Phil – smiles can be a form of protection, a way to say to people to keep their distance, no different to the most common social lie of “how are you” ” good thanks”. This keeps people at bay, does not offer them the truth, and stops the conversation and does not allow for more questions. It is all about playing a certain game, keeping up a certain facade. To a degree we all do it, so it is not about being critical of people and accusing them of being liars, but rather it is about calling our attention to what people do and what we resort to as well when we are feeling untrusting of show what is really going on for us at that moment in time. And so it is about exploring how much we actually allow each other the opportunity to really express what is going on for us all. There is much support we can offer each other, which would then allow a more honest way of being together, and then the protective smiles would not be needed.
Who doesn´t know these fake smiles? We have used them and have been exposed to them, at times more or less tricked or misled or gratefully using the excuse to also hide behind a facade. Such smiles and other expressions seem to serve as social lubricant for the tension we feel and avoid to deal with honestly, protecting insecurity, shame, lack of worth or trust or intention, whatever, a smile as the universal ‘plasticiser’. It is an interesting experiment and experience when we stop smiling for the false reasons but instead just being as we truly feel in that moment and allow our countenance and gestures be authentic – indeed very exposing of whatever lies underneath the avoidance.
It seems to me more and more that the body and body language cannot lie, which means even if plastic smiles are put on the truth can be felt, which is awesome. What I really love about this is not only have you been aware and reflected on what you have seen, especially with politicians, but you have then felt the times when you yourselves have had a plastic smile. It is very easy to point the finger or observe how others are but it’s a bit harder to be truly honest and then look at how we are. Very inspiring thanks for sharing.
I have been performing all my life to please other people. It did not work. I did not get what I thought I needed and it took an incredible amount of energy to not be me, so I was totally exhausted at 50.
Simple-Living Global and Universal Medicine has supported me to understand that all I needed to do was be myself. Because of 50 years of performing it has taken awhile to remember the real me, but it is still inside waiting to get out and slowly I bringing myself out for the world to see. My body is relaxing and I am connecting to other people in a true way, a way that I was missing.
Probably what you will discover underneath your fake smile Phil is a gorgeous, sensitive, tender, loving man. This is how I experience you.
A great expose of our political system, the brushing under the carpet trick of smiling whilst scandal or disaster falls around their ears.
Wonderful expose of the mask we wear Phil. We actually fool no one, but only hurt ourselves and build mistrust when we don’t express truthfully – whether that’s in a smile a gesture or in words.
“Do I want to run away and eat a chocolate cake or does it leave me feeling delightful?” I love this question, a good question to ask oneself not only concerning smiles but in other moments too. It is very freeing to become more aware of ones behaviours and be able to observe it and possibly track back where it stems from.
I did an experiment a while ago to count how often I smiled out of an automatic and polite response in a day. The result was a bit shocking to see how many time I would, in effect, lie. This is not to saw I have to be dour or exuberant all the time but it would be good to at least be honest.
Great experiment Joel, I’m going to have a go with this, I know that automatic and polite response you talk of. I know I don’t do this half as much as I used to but it will be interesting to see how much I still do. Thank you.
Brilliant Phil. I love this call to deeply consider the degree in which we live and express in connection to our truth, or mask the truth we feel with the shallow falsities of politeness. It is so true that it is an illusion to think that we are ‘pulling it off’, so to speak, with our smiles of protection, as we all feel energy regardless of whether we are aware of it or not, it is clocked. And so mistrust and lies are then the qualities shared, rather than the openness and depth of true connection to the realness of who we truly are.
Reading this again makes me appreciate what a showstopper this blog is. We seem to know exactly how to hide how we truly feel from the world so we look like we are ok – when really we are just lying to ourselves and each other. The world is not in a great place, and by being dishonest with ourselves we are addding to this rather than dropping the fake personal and just being us. Bringing all we are no matter what.
It is crazy that we actually force ourselves to smile at times when it even hurts our face.. how committed to those masks we must be.
Interesting the contrast between the open smile and the folded arms in the photograph. What do our bodies do when we are smiling from every cell?
It’s amazing how often we fake a smile to get recognition, approval, or confirmation that we’re OK.
e.g.. not let another know how we really feel and stop another from connecting deeper or asking questions.
Definitely something to observe during the day and note when this happens and why.
“What I have learnt is that there is absolutely no hiding behind these smiles or these attempts to make the world think that everything is ok. Just as a politician can’t tell us that everything is ‘ok’, as we observe the total chaos ensuing, neither can I flash a smile to the world and have everyone believe that I am just ‘tickety-boo’.” – Very true, however it is like we all know it but we have on some level made an agreement to keep each other at a distance and pretend what is going on is ok. We settle for the fake smile beacuse we do not truly want to know anything else, it serves to keep us comfortable.
We can all feel a genuine smile from a fake one, we also can feel when we are dishing out a fake smile. It can be for many different reasons but what I have realized is that it is better to express how you actual feel rather than putting on a face, when you do some deeper conversations can develop.
I agree Sarah Karam the words we share with another go far deeper than the smile.
Have you ever had someone say “Smi…ile!!” to you in a sing-song-y voice, wanting you to force a smile when it was the last thing you felt like doing? It’s very imposing – and indicative of our addiction to looking cheerful at all costs. It always felt to me as if the smile police were in full effect and that a face reflecting anything other than the utmost enthusiasm was an affront to society!
I love the point that you make here about how people feel first and that when we put on a false smile it is, in fact, a complete denial that people feel where we are at within ourselves and know that we are simply faking being okay. The problem, of course, is that we often deny what we are feeling and get sucked into the false smile.
As you’ve shared Phil, these ‘plastic smiles’ can make up our identity, but can you imagine what our families, friends and the world are missing out on if we always compose ourselves based on what we think will please others rather than being ourselves or showing joy in a way we really feel to.
We’re all in almost permanent hiding, we’ll hide behind anything, a plastic smile, a false gesture, a hollow phrase, clothing, cars, dogs, relationships, hobbies, food, addictions, and on and on it goes, because if you come out of hiding you might get shot and who wants to get shot?
We do indeed hide behind plastic smiles. They cover up everything beneath the smile that we are trying not to feel. We ‘face’ the world in this way. It’s like a piece of armour. What would happen if we were to drop the smile?
I still find it extremely painful to smile if I don’t feel like it. I was also thought to put a smile in front of the camera but my body doesn’t lie, especially if you know me well, when my smiles come from my heart, are grand ❤️
Sometimes the question does not need to be asked. Simply connect and feel the other person, look into their eyes and you will know.
In my youth, there were candy cigarettes, just sugar sticks and bubble gum cigars. There was also big wax smiling lips that had a tab of wax so you could hold it in your mouth to have this big funny smile. The lips were full of a flavoured liquid sugar solution you could drink. Your plastic smiles and what is hidden in them is a lot like those wax lips
Having my photo taken can be exposing on so many levels. I remember being told when I was young to smile for the camera, and so I would force myself to smile but it always felt alien and false. What would be worse, is when people would ask me to say ‘Cheese’ so that it looked like I was smiling. I found it hard to conjure up a false smile so I learnt to dislike having my photo taken and would avoid it as much as possible. I am learning that if I look directly into the lens and stay focused it really helps to stay present, and that smiling no longer has to be a pre-requisite of having my photo taken.
And we’re not helped by a popular culture built around the false smile and pretence that all is well when it is not.. The words of well know song came to me just now, ‘smile, even though your heart is breaking.’ Now we know the ridiculousness of this, What to do when your ‘heart is breaking’ or suffering in anyway is acknowledge and share it with another. Smiling through it is absolutely not the way to deal with it.
Having a fake smile keeps everything at a very surface level denying the opportunity to reflect deeper on what is really going on for us and for others. It’s interesting that when someone presents that they are fine and smile, but really I am reading from their body that they are not fine, I don’t challenge them and ask how they really are. It’s easier not too!
We find many ways of hiding behind a mask to not be transparent and show the world who we really are. Our hurts keep us edged behind a fake facade, afraid that if someone sees us raw that they may not like what they see. The teachings of Universal Medicine have supported me to slowly peel away the masks as I have dealt with my hurts. They have helped me to come to know who I truly am and not to shy away from showing the world the real me.
The smile on our face is only entire when the whole body is smiling with it.
After reading your blog Phil, I am learning to be more aware of these fake smiles. I notice the difference and also how often I present these fake smiles without much awareness. It is exposing to feel how automatic these smiles can be. To be more aware of how I am feeling makes it a really interesting observation, especially when I am out and about meeting people.
This is a great blog bringing awareness to the fact that there is such a wide range of communication through body language and a smile, ranging from protection and guard to openness and letting the love out.
I have grown up with people who are avid photographers and became so tired of having to hold a pose for the camera, it completely put me off taking any photos for myself for a number of years. For me, photos are capturing a moment in time, what is the point if it isn’t a true reflection of that moment. When I take pictures now, I don’t draw attention to the fact that I’m even taking a picture, I will just use my phone to capture a moment with the person in the expression of who they are, whatever that may be, it will be beautiful as it is capturing how they truly are in that moment.
It’s very clear that we are all aware of the transparency of our ‘fake’ smiles, yet we allow each other to get away with it, thereby perpetuating the ‘fakeness’. Why is it that we’re not calling each other out and supporting each other to be honest and share how we are truly feeling. If we want to live our lives being true to who we are, we need to create the space to be honest and show each other it’s safe, and it starts with us doing that for ourselves first.
A smile is in the eyes, and from the whole body, those fake ones i recall as a child were like the thick curtains at a pantomime show – as soon they came up, they came down again.. for that are what such smiles are, a brief show.
I know that I have been able to tell when someone is putting on a smile but in truth they don’t feel that way at all. Interesting how this can be our default mode and then tip toe round what is really going go for us. We seem to think that this is what we need to do but it is the one thing that keeps us feeling rubbish because we know how much of a game it is we are playing. Being honest and expanding from there is the best starting point to break such a default cycle.
As William Shakespeare said “All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts, ……”
Sometimes we want the other person to be ok and so it can be quite easy to convince ourselves that a plastic smile is real and that person is happy. But we always feel what is really there so if a person is in turmoil we do know it. That is the beauty of life, we have so much we can allows ourselves to feel but it takes a willingness to want to read it. That to me is a real commitment to life and how one that is ongoing and forever expanding.
I am struck by what you share about having your photo taken. Many of us can relate to that feeling. My face has ached from trying to look a certain way in front of the camera and in life generally. I had some photos taken recently for work and I could feel the draw too put a smile on, but it felt stiff and hard on my face, I had to have a little walk around, a breathe and settled back into it and let go of the trying and allowed what ever needed to come up as expression to arise. It felt better and more true.
I love what you have written about here Phil! I love to really see through the fake smiles and feel everything else and often wonder, who are we kidding. At times it is even written all over their face even with the attempt to smile. Why is it not accepted to just be you, even if you are feeling tired, or sad or over the moon. It really is time that we just allow ourselves to be who we are, no smiles or masks needed.
There is a lovely warmth and true joy felt within when receiving or expressing a heartfelt smile, you can see the eyes and face light up and this cannot be put on, it is a feeling of truly connecting with another. The fake smile whether receiving or expressing feels completely empty, cold and insincere and this is seen reflected in the body and can be felt doesn’t come from the heart.
Thanks, Phil. It’s so great that you were willing to go deeper with what the photo shoot exposed for you. A great step up to being real and authentic, more at ease and accepting of yourself.
It is actually quite a relief to not make oneself smile all the time. I have certainly done my share of that kind of smiling as a way to hide and pretend and protect myself. So obvious though, great observations are the politicians.
Often, what I have noticed when we don’t play the game and give that smile that covers how we really feel, is that other people take this personally as a slight against them. We are not playing the game – we can’t even be bothered to smile at them. I know I have felt this in the past. It is another way that we keep each other unreal. Now I have considered so much, I can give others the space to be exactly how they need to be, in that moment, without judgement.
This is a great mini experiment you propose Phil. One thing I notice is when there are two people moving in the opposite direction to each other rather quickly focused on their destination (work is a classic for this) and you offer the polite smile and greeting which starts before you meet, no-one stops and trails off well after eye contact is made, that’s if eye contact is made at all.
‘It’s a smile of total protection’, I’d never looked at it this way and wow, it’s spot on. Even if another feels the smile not true, it’s a clear message that you don’t want to talk about it.
Often there is an expectation on people to be happy. When we don’t smile or look happy it is as if there is something wrong. A smile is the accepted norm that everyone feels ok with – even if the smile is not real. It’s as if we are all saying let’s all play the game of pretending everything is ok. If one person doesn’t play the game, it rocks the whole boat.
This can be quite emotive subject especially in work places were you are meeting the general public and you are told to smile, but it is so obvious to most people when someone is making the effort to smile in order to be polite or not. Surely it would be more honest to show how you are feeling instead of trying to fake our way through life.
I have a felt a nervousness behind this kind of smile when people to do not respond in the same way, it feels exposing and the smile feels like it is going to crumble. It feels much more natural to meet another as I am and connect without the pretense.
A smile from the eyes can be equally as beautiful as a smile from the lips, but how many of us take a moment to look into someone’s eyes to see the beauty that is there. I must admit, someone who smiles readily is someone who feels approachable and friendly and possibly someone I can trust, that is if it comes from the heart and not from the falseness of either trying to be liked, accepted or trying to impress, or pretending that you’re okay
‘Plastic smiles’ are a wonderfully effective defence mechanism. In their absence of obvious offence it is easy to see how they slip under the radar and I love the way you expose the harm they actually cause Phil and I think it is well worth investigating this further.
Thank you Phil for talking about this important topic, as most of us smile before we even think or feel into if we want to, feel to or need to smile. Just by reading this I realise I even give myself a fake smile in the mirror at home, like I first see how I have been living in my face and then smile to see if that changes but of course it doesn’t as it is just a smile. There are many articles, quotes and even workshops based on smiling and the benefits of it but no mention of the quality of a smile or how the body feels when we smile or the affects of fake smiling.
Even though we can think we can act like everything is ok by putting our face into a smile we can all sense the true state of someone. And actually this is beautiful as this offers also an opportunity to truly support each other when we feel someone is putting on a smile instead of truly smiling from their heart and with joy.
I am becoming more aware of the fake smiles I can give and with the increased awareness they actually feel horrible in my body, in fact more exposing and uncomfortable. It is very true I am in protection, I don’t want to be seen for how I am feeling and there is a lack of acceptance in what I feel so I try and pretend that I am not feeling it by giving off a false smile in a lame attempt to try and cover up what I am truly feeling. But with an awareness I am observing myself and when I do feel uncomfortable and smile falsely I clock it without being hard on myself. I ask myself what was presented to me to learn more about myself and the way I choose to live.
Similar to you I have always disliked clowns, perhaps beacuse it becomes so obvious that they have something to ‘hide’ – but I realise it is in effect the same we all do when we put on a smile to be nice and courteous.
I have been reflecting on a something similar lately and that is the visual “rules” we have. For example is someone is skinny and muscly they must be fit. If they are beautiful they must be content with their body. If they drive a fancy car they must be successful etc. If they are smiling everything is OK. We are so conditioned to present and accept these images yet our lives can be a complete disaster. Learning to look and ask beyond the facades we are presented with helps us to see where humanity is.
We are truly marvellous at finding ways to deflect from what our entire body language is already communicating.
Niceness and playing roles certainly keeps the world at bay – for others are repelled by the facade or perhaps fortress for some, we put out. Genuineness on the other hand is a welcoming warmth that is known to us all, holds us in equality and we can feel another’s love and care.
how often are we given the advice that if we smile enough eventually we will feel happy – but what about all the times we are seen to be smiling when inside its the last thing we feel? When things aren’t going great but we smile as if to say everything will be fine, are we not glazing over the sometimes glaringly obvious mess?
What a great discussion point Phil. Fake smiles. We can all see (or rather feel) through them when we feel them in others, and I know if I go into a fake smile, it feels awful and is literally just my face smiling. When it’s a genuine smile, my whole body is smiling and I know that is felt.
I liked this article as it exposes the fact any pretence or falseness is easily seen through and it achieves nothing except embarrassment when exposed.
Yes, I have had my fair share of fake smiles over the years, and now if I do it, it really feels awful and I want to stretch and open my mouth to kind of reshape it.
Brilliant blog. The realisation that you cannot hide the truth of how you feel behind your smile. It is in fact very belittling of another to believe, in our arrogance, that we can fob them off with a smile. However it is something we have all accepted as the norm. It seems that we’d rather see a false version that does not unsettle us than present the truth to ourselves and others.
Yes, Jenny, I cringe to think of the times when I have not been myself, expressing with a falseness and somehow thinking I could get away with it.
A great expose of how we put on face and smile to the outside world. Catching our fake smiles is very rewarding to do as it allows one to feel the real you underneath and make a change to living this. Beautiful.
Thanks for sharing Phil. It’s very powerful what you’ve shared about how a smile can be used for protection rather than connection, and that it can be a message of ‘I’m fine and don’t look any deeper than that’ rather than a reflection of the joy we feel. Not only does a smile look so much fuller when someone is truly joyful and not trying to mask how they feel on the inside, but as that person it feels much less forced or fake when it does reflect how we feel inside.
“the smile was saying one thing but the eyes and the body were very much, saying another.” what society have we created where your article is the normality, painful smiles and pleasantries to cover up how we really feel. I recently heard someone at work sharing how they got really frustrated by the “fake” way some people were, which is great to hear as it confirms the fact we all know about plastic smiles yet we don’t see them as an issue.
Thank you Phil for reminding me of how much I have changed – and yet feel there is a long way to go. My ‘plastic’ smile was one of the first realisations that I had when I first began attending Universal Medicine events – I couldn’t understand why people were not responding! The penny then dropped and I began to let go of the need to always have this fixed smile on my face as I could connect to people with more honesty and truth and no longer needed to ‘check them out’ first to make sure that they would not reject me. Now feels like a moment to take this deeper and to smile to the world from my whole heart – a smile that embraces and understands.
“I wonder what will be exposed underneath all these fake smiles…” The truly gorgeous, beautiful, gentle, delicate and loving man you are.
What comes to mind here Phil is watching Tony Blair on TV announce the decision to go to war on Iraq. Although he was smiling to make it seem like everything was just hunky dory, the rest of his body was in turmoil. And this is not a criticism, but an observation on how we attempt to cover up our real feelings with a smile, like holding forth a handkerchief in a vain attempt to cover our nudity. We all see past the smile and yet for some bizarre reason we often choose to accept the validity of the smile and ignore what is taking place behind it to our great and enormous detriment.
There is nothing more beautiful than being met by a true and joyful smile…the response in me is to light up and do the same. Fake smiles simply don’t contain the same ignition.
I have got this image of us all going around with plastic smiles, keeping each other at arm’s length, simply because we are not being honest and making ourselves accessible. The perpetuating separation of this is devastating. Thank you, Phil, for your honesty – an inspiring moment of reflection.
There are not many things more beautiful on this planet than a true smile from the depths of who someone truly is.
If someone is smiling from deep within this smile is for me infectious – it is a deep reminder who I truly am. Therefore I love it what you have so beautifully exposed about the fake smiles Phil – they do not support us at all.
By the way I do not like Clowns as well as some of them hide their true faces – they show their real faces when you least expect it – just follow the news and you will be surprised.
Phil, this is such an important point, ‘It is almost a mockery of the fact that people feel first; how arrogant is that? Here’s me thinking that I can use a smile to hide away, but all the while forgetting that people, whether consciously or not, are aware of what I am actually expressing and inevitably losing trust in me’, Reading this I can feel how absolutely true this is, I know when someone is putting on a false smile that is saying ‘I’m ok’ when I can clearly feel they are not, this feels very false and like a game, I’m aware that I do this too. If someones face expresses how they are truly feeling whether this is sad, overwhelmed, stressed and they don’t try and pretend they are ok by putting on a smile, then this feels much more real and true and allows an honesty between us and feels like they are not pushing me away and in protection.
I have met lots of people that as part of their jobs have to smile, its part of the job! Flight stewardesses, counter staff, receptionists, people trying to sell you something and the list goes on! I have asked at times in a playful way if their face hurts from having to smile all day and the replies are always interesting, but always comes back to it’s a required part of the job! Which will never compare to a smile that comes from within us!
We only put on a fake smile when we care about what others think, do we not? If we didn’t care what others thought about us, and had the courage to truly be ourselves, then there would be more honesty in the world and the truth of how we were really feeling would start to come out.
I can feel the ache in my face from the false smile I have been wearing to hide what is going on underneath and it is quite uncomfortable, as I drop the facade and live more connected to me I can feel the tension starting to shift. Our bodies are such incredible markers for our lived way.
Phil, I’m so with you on that one, I had a similar photo shoot, and my photographer tried to get me to smile. Now I am not a naturally smiley person but I felt like I had to oblige and in fact found it false and difficult to achieve, and when I looked back on the photos it didn’t feel like me, I felt the picture didn’t capture the true me underneath the smile. I agree, if there is no congruency between what the body feels and the smile, then it feels totally false and I would much rather someone be honest with their expression than try to pull the wool over my eyes and pretend to be something they’re not. What a relief if we could all feel safe enough to do so.
Revisiting this blog at the start of the day is a great reminder to drop the fake smile and the needing to ‘fit in’ and please as it is bringing the awareness to these behaviours that allows them to shift.
If those politicians actually presented true expressions of how they were feeling, we would all be faced with the pull to be more honest and responsible about what is really going on in politics and in life. Perhaps this would be too challenging for many to muster, but it is the reality of what is really going on, and not hiding behind a smile gives less of an excuse to ignore it.
A fake smile, or putting a brave face on it… either way it robs the world of the true you, the deep sensitivity that we all feel everything, and the fact that if I allow myself to feel that, express that, and be open with how I am feeling – it gives everyone else permission or the inspiration to poke their heads out from behind their fake smile and reflect on what is really going on.
It is very uncomfortable to not only wear a fake smile, but also to see or feel one on another person. You are so right Phil when you say that “….the smile was saying one thing but the eyes and the body were very much, saying another.” It is so interesting that we think we can fool another by putting on a smile when we do not feel so great, but who are we actually fooling? It is something that is worth considering next time we go to smile at somebody just out of habit, rather than allowing a smile to be a true expression from our whole body of how we are feeling in that moment.
Thank You Phil for expressing this so clearly and yes me too – I am tired of this fake smile for myself because yes it’s hurting my face and creating mistrust.It’s best to let it go and be free in my face again, let go of the masks and just be me and as raw and authentic, and that I mirror exactly what is there with no fear of irritating others. It even opens others up more sometimes and sometimes there are reactions because it’s like ‘hey you don’t play the game and I need you to smile’. It’s an amazing observation and absolute truth you present here. Thank God for your expression and asking these questions.
I have never really been able to pull off the fake smile, whether in life or photographs, but I guess I have certainly tried and, like the politicians, you can spot it a mile away if I am faking it. Great subject to bring up Phil, I bet you got a lot of people thinking.
A ‘plastic’ smile keeps you well protected as in truth you say I am OK, please back off and leave me alone. To me we say this out of pain, the pain of the hurt of not being truly met, and mostly so not by ourselves in the firs place. This lack of intimacy with ourselves makes us hard and protected and in that a ‘plastic’ smile is the best we can give.
The smile can say one thing and may appease the onlooker, but our capacity to feel (6th sense) is always ‘on’ to be able to feel what’s going on behind the smile.
I so agree, the world is full of fake smiles – politicians, neighbours, people in the street, everybody is into it, trying to convey the message that they won’t harm and don’t want to be hurt. Your face hurting after the charade and thus making you aware that something might be going on that you had hitherto not been aware of, is another sign of how willing and ever ready the body is to support us.
Phil what a really interesting topic of having your photo taken, smiles both real and also the ache of false ones, there’s so much to comment on this, I shall enjoy re-reading it. I also recently had my photos taken and felt they needed retakes too because they were’t quite right although looked good, and so what you say about yourself having your photo taken: “but where was I” resonated very much – so much focus is on the ‘what will it [I] look like, aesthetically, as opposed to oneself being fully ‘alive’ [not protected] in the photo to make it real, natural and true. How often do we want just the end result, but not capture or celebrate along the way what took us to get there ; )
A beautiful lesson you have presented to us Phil, thank you. Smiling to protect ourselves feels familiar and at the same time there is an unease. The questions you ask increase our awareness and offer so much to ponder.
The amount of times I have said yes I’m fine how are you but feeling this to be a complete lie is more than I can count on my hands and my toes. To play the portrayal of because I’m smiling and ‘up beat’ then all is swell at some point has to get exposed and by the end of it I certainly have felt exhausted by how much energy it takes to play out the fake life.
This is very revealing in what you expose here Phil… and what is inspiring is where you leave the reader! There are no solutions here but an open invitation to explore – to ask ourselves the same questions about our smiles, and to begin our own “mini-self-experiments.” And what is so inspiring about Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon’s presentations is that something is always exposed, and we are left to come to our own truth and understanding of how and why this plays out in our lives – that is free will and so empowering for every one of us.
When I was younger I used to have a saying that was kind of a joke with a friend of mine as we were often commented on as being very smiley as we both had toothy mouths that were hard to make not look like a smile. The saying was ” I am not smiling, I am gritting my teeth” This used to make me laugh as it was often true and I often laugh at my own jokes. I am a very smiley person, it is very natural for me to smile and people do make me smile as I love people, but having said that if I make myself smile that is the weirdest distortion my face can make and even my natural smile can be used as a protection as everyone loves to be smiled at.
The thing is, that no matter the situation we always have the choice to lie or not, and never can this choice be blamed or given away to another person. the details of responsibility dictate that every bodily action lays with our free will.
When I read this line – “it is the ever-expanding support in the development of my awareness and mini self-experiments”, a big warm genuine smile came across my face. I too am a student of The Way of the Livingness as presented by Serge Benhayon and since doing this, my awareness of me and what goes on around me has sky rocketed and my ability to conduct mini self-experiments has also increased – I think I might call myself Professor Flenley 🙂 I love that we can conduct these experiments to see what’s really going on for ourselves and this is done by you, for you.
It is a crazy game we play with the plastic smile. Everyone can feel what is under the smile but we let each other get away with it, as we want to be able to use this tactic ourselves when it suits us. We are incredibly arrogant thinking we can get away with it, just because no one calls us on it! Imagine how different the world would be if we all just dropped the ‘I’m ok’ facade and were honest with one another.
Great subject, I have never really been able to produce a great smile with the pressure of the lens in my face. The only thing in the past has been to try get family members to help me relax by making me laugh behind the scene. This then meant that I was relying on them to be able to look natural. Recently I had a photo shot with an amazing esoteric photographer from Germany that was able to support me to connect to my essence while she capture the true smile and the real me, it was an incredible feeling.
It is true that everyone’s awareness of what is going on comes predominantly from feeling, ahead of what they see or hear. No one’s fake smiles and fake responses truly fools others. We all can tell deep down what is going on. It seems that we have by and large opted for a big farce, just like the media and the politicians with their happy faces when Brexit was happening. We use our plastic smiles as a mask, we pretend all is okay and others pretend they believe us. Meanwhile a great big lie gets cooked up and lived out, instead of the foundation of honesty and truth which our world so sorely needs.
This blog is spot on. I have been noticing within myself for sometime when I use a smile as protection. It appears on my face out of habit rather than from the warmth of my heart. I can feel how it says I am not a threat and you are safe with me but hides my own wariness of how safe I feel with them. The plastic smile doesn’t feel great and leaves me feeling disappointed of the lost opportunity to actually smile from my heart.
So true Fiona, we can all feel the source of our smile be that from joy or protection, genuine or not.
The superficial smile falls into the same category as asking someone ‘How are you’ and answering ‘Good’. We all participate in hiding who we truly are and all that we are feeling in our body for fear of being hurt, rejected and abused. It is another way we choose as ‘protection’, only in truth we are closing ourselves off from the love we have in that moment, the opportunity to experience.
‘Smile for the camera’ and when that hasn’t worked, we have even resorted to producing a whole array of words to say, to make it look like we’re smiling in our photos …. crazy! Why do we have to be seen to be smiling all of the time anyway. I love photos where people are just being themselves and allowing the camera to capture a moment, whatever that may be, rather than having to look a certain way for the camera.
I have to say Phil that one of the things I love is looking at photos on this website and others where the people are really smiling from their hearts, the radiance sort of comes out of the camera it’s definitely gorgeous to capture the essence of someone in this way.
I love your list of questions towards the end of your blog Phil. It reminds me to ask myself these questions and it highlights to me how much I wasn’t aware of my smiles prior to reading your blog, like the fake ones that makes my cheek sore and the ones that comes from a nervous energy. Awareness is really key for me to work on and to take it to a deeper level, which will naturally support me in other areas of my life.
A heartfelt smile is such a beautiful connection, without any words being necessary, it is already sharing so much.
It has become a blessing to have little moments of’ identity crisis’, because it brings me back to a raw connection to my body and a call within me to go deeper into exploring who I am. If I rest on an identity, I am stuck in an image. So as long as such a ‘crisis’ is not a shock and debilitating, which it has ceased being, then bring them on for the sake of evolution!
What is happening inside you to smile or not? I was just pondering last night when I get caught looking into the eyes of another man and the stare from me is meeting them , and if we lock eyes and I observe the stare back becomes a form of protection or a look of ‘what are you looking at’, I smile. I know within me I mean no harm and a smile confirms that. It holds a sense of harmony and smiling is a great tool of reminding the world that there is harmony when we connect to each other.
Phil, I too have experienced the ‘photograph’ smile and the ensuing discomfort and even pain in the jaw and cheeks from doing this! It is certainly very exposing!
I also recall my son coming home from his first year in school (Kindy) after the school photos were taken, and he wanted to play photographer. He picked up a makeshift camera and said to us ‘ok, now do this now’ and instead of telling us to smile, he showed his teeth. It took me a moment to realise what was going on – he knew from the word go that for photos you do not smile, you simply show your teeth. We had to laugh because he was not fooled like so many of us adults are.
Phil, you have nailed things here – the current way of operating in the world hinges entirely on appearances and has nothing to do with how people actually are feeling. A smile, even if just superficial or fake, is something that ticks the box and so life can apparently go on in its falsity. Should someone not smile, then this ruins the picture, it means the person is not playing the ‘game’ and then everyone goes into fix-it mode to bring back the smile, but without the actually warmth of supporting what is happening behind the scenes. But the eyes are the telling factor – no one can force or make the eyes smile or sparkle. The opposite is true too, for when the inner joy is lit up then you cannot hide the sparkle from the eyes as it bursts out for all to see and feel.
Hello Phil and great to see you smiling. It’s almost the saying that goes with every camera sale, “smile for the camera” and yet as you are asking where is that smile going from. I remember being uncomfortable in front of the camera and having to use an awkward face in order to try and cover it up. I like and do what you do and ask myself questions when I feel something isn’t right. The answer may not come straight away but the more you ask the quicker things may come. I don’t think we set out to fake smile everyone it’s just that it would seem no one cares deeply about anyone anymore. We all allow the ‘good’ or the smile to be said without letting someone know that we are there if they really want to let us know how they feel. This is a relationship and the depth and consistency you are willing to have with another either opens them up or keeps them with the automated responses. P.S, Phil, I’m not a big fan of clowns either.
These are great questions you have raised Phil. One that stands out to me is who are we actually fooling? . . . ourselves!
Yes Vicky, ourselves and everybody else who chooses to be fooled too.
Its like the automatic response that comes when people ask how you are and you say, ‘yeah good’ without actually really even considering the question. Its one of those polite interplays we have developed that doesn’t ask us to go any deeper with each other. The untrue smile is part of this set up.
Yes if we are putting on the happy face with a fake smile, we can’t expect politicians to do any different…. I am noticing I do the same at times and have contemplated why, when in actual fact my whole body is a walking smile, as I feel lovely on the inside and I know it shows on the outside. This is another level of appreciating a deeper connection to the joy we reflect when we walk in the gorgeousness of who we are. Keeping it real and true!
Lack of honesty shows up in so many ways and this is a beauty Phil because we are ‘facing’ people every day, even one or two. There is so much said about a smile and we are encouraged from an early age to do so; encouraged to perform. Thank you for bringing honesty to this topic!
I love this Phil, isn’t it really obvious to ourselves when we fake smile how uncomfortable it feels, I would say one of my greatest qualities is an ability to hold an expression on my face that doesn’t convey how I feel. While I can still mask my true feelings of occasion I can feel the pain in putting on the smile. And so true what you say about the politicians and their fake smiles where we can see right through them, yet if we fake smile ourselves then what right do we have to ask of anything different from our leaders. We have to be the leaders and be the open transparent ones. That reflection of honesty in our facial expressions is more powerful than we can fathom.
Fake smiles are quite simply – painful. Painful to bear as our bodies contort into a falseness to exhibit what is ultimately a lie and painful to receive, as really a fake smile is blatantly saying back off and don’t dare get too close.
I have been noticing how automatic the ‘fake smile’ is and how even when I am aware of it and letting it go how easily it slips back in. I notice the days where I live as me without trying to fit in, be liked or having expectation of others, I am far less tired when I go to bed.
Great revelation, Phil! Not only hunching shoulders can be a sign of protection, a simple smile can be the thickest wall and cause separation, quite hideous because you can easily fall for the illusion of being connected.
So great to hear someone finally talking about this issue in such an open and honest way. We all get trapped by the feeling of having to put on a smile and “pose” for the camera but often are not aware of A it’s true impact and B how to truly be ourselves and not the pose. But what you share is so simple – just a mixture of honesty, openness and a whole lot of care with ourselves can go a long way.
Phil, a great expose of the falseness of smiling. I have pondered on this myself as I have felt the thinness of a fake smile spreading across my face but also been aware that at that particular moment,I am not capable of smiling from the fullness of my heart and so I am stuck with the conundrum of a false thin lipped smile or no smile at all. The no smile at all feels rather austere, which is why I am continuing with the thin lipped version for the moment.
Ah yes, fake a smile so no one knows whats really going on inside – very socially acceptable behaviour but have we stopped to consider that it is a lie, and in that lie we never really get to know ourselves and each other. A superficial smile when in reality you’re very stressed or going though something only masks the issue – everyone can see in the tenseness around your eyes to the guarded quality in your shoulders and the fact the smile doesn’t light you up that there is far more going on and yet we also learn to not pry, to not ask questions and just let the lie be. I know how crushing it can feel when you’re obviously not okay, but you tell someone you’er fine and they don’t question it – sure first it’s my responsibility to have just come out and said it, but it is also a symptom of the fact that as a society we have become experts at taking things at face value, literally and not questioning any further.
…and they are often the tip of the iceberg. Awesome awareness Monica and definitely a support knowing others experience the same kind of games.
*High Five* for appreciating that and no doubt you can offer that lived wisdom to everyone.
I love how you ask yourself all these questions and observe, to find out more about yourself, to become even more aware of what is going on. It shows that life is not about being critical and tough on ourselves but about observing and learning.
Thank you Phil, a very relatable topic. Society is set up for us to reassure each other that eveything is ‘fine’, most people are hiding behind a gigantic facade. It is like we see it as a defeat to show people that we are not always ‘happy’, rather than acknowledging that that is perfectly normal and something to be honoured.
You know what I have been caught out many times by young kids at school, by smiling at them and they just look straight back, same expression, no smile, no need to be nice or polite, they are just being themselves, or at times they don’t look at me at all. Very exposing but also great to feel. Why is that we feel the need to smile to everyone, is this just not keeping people and ourselves in comfort, or looking for confirmation or validation, outside ourselves instead of being raw, open and real.
So many of us get pressure as a child to smile, for the grandparents, for strangers….there is pressure to conform and and not always honour what we feel. I know I realised at a young age, it wasn’t just about being happy, most of the time it was about fitting in and asking not to be attacked. As in I will just smile and I will be left alone. I have felt how I used it in so many ways, particularly to act like I am not bothered, or hurt by something, bravado… a sweet open smile with love, is awesome to receive and share and this something I am committing to more, allowing those jaw muscles to surrender and unfurl into a smile, if the feeling of joy is there within to initiate it…
Since being a student of life and the Ancient Wisdom Teachings as presented by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine, there has been (and continues to be) much awareness and recognition of that which is not true, but a learnt way of expression to cope with life, of which smiling to cover up what was really going on underneath was one of them! Nowadays, there is often a very different quality of smile on my face which arises naturally from within from the joy of simply being deeply aware of my body and re-connected to the ever deepening stillness and sacredness naturally residing within.
Hi Phil – there is much to ponder here. The truth that the body feels first and the choice to over-ride what is felt with the movement to meet the unspoken expectations around us is exposing. There will be much reflection over the next few days as I observe my smile and the smile of others and all this understanding brings
Phil this really shakes things up for a lot of us. I can say I’ve pulled out the plastic smile on a few occasions to cover up something. Or a good one is when I laugh when I have no idea what the other person has said. I mean what is that all about? It’s funny how we develop habits that are so far from the truth. But talking about them is a way to start recognising when our communication is true or not. This has given me much to consider the next time I meet someone.
It’d be awesome to read your findings of such questions. Over the course of my life I have had teachers and managers complain or comment that I ‘don’t smile enough’ or I should ‘be more smiley’ and every time there has been a strong reaction in me that says ‘No. Because there is nothing worth smiling about so why should I?’ This comes with a heavy tone of blaming the world for why I am miserable. I have never been one to smile on cue and if I am miserable or upset it is very easy to read which I feel some do not like and would prefer the ‘I am ok’ plastic smile. So recently as this subject came up at work I asked myself: do I treat myself in such a way that I would naturally want to smile and beam and be bright and warm? Or do I treat myself with a lack of care and that’s why I am miserable and don’t smile? The more I am in connection with myself the yummier I feel and the more naturally I feel to smile whereas if I am not with myself I am miserable and no amount of fake smiles can cover that up.
Phil I know this all too well. I recall going through a whole lot of photos not so long ago and I was struck by my smile and how it looked like I was covering up and attempting to hide what was inside. Look at my eyes and all I could see was sadness. No matter how hard we try and pretend, cover up and even fake it, our eyes will always reflect the quality in our smile and the truth in our smile. A smile however that communicated the truth of the smile and enjoyment we feel inside is like a ray of sunshine. Smiling is definitely an inside job.
I’ve also sort of wished I could have the data of all the times I overate, slept in, been unfriendly, posed a plastic smile, been erratic, dull and many more moments worth studying.
The thing is we do have access to this information, however most of the time we wish for the day to be over so we can go home eat dinner and enjoy our evening entertainment.
In every moment there is an opportunity to learn and grow a little bit more.
Thank you Phil – I have often wondered why some smiles hurt my face and others do not. I also take a lot of photos of people and find that the best way to get someone to smile is to ask them to frown and be very serious! We get so used to smiling on demand – it is so much lovelier to have the space to be ourselves.
Some great observations here Phil. There is nothing more warming than a genuine smile from someone and lets face it we all know when someone is faking it.
One thing for sure is that even if we show an outside ‘image’ of ourselves to the world it doesn’t stop what we are all feeling and seeing. The more we come out and live our unprotected selves the more we see that things are never hidden, we are consciously choosing what we want to see or participate in the world.
Beautifully exposing the ‘front’ that we can present to others to try to keep them from having access to the truth and sensitivity underneath.
This is a strong point that you have shared Michael Chater. The opportunity for others to access the truth and sensitivity that is underneath is what we are all hiding once the protection smile comes up. It is quite ironic that what we crave for is connection and being our true selves, yet we run from expressing this with the “happy smile”.
We will never fool another by our false smile and outer facade for each and every one of us know this protective measure and role to the tee – this serves only to expose us as uncomfortable with living our truth and undermine another’s trust in our genuineness.
Such a great topic Phil. How many of us do walk around with a fake smile on our faces, without even realising that we are wearing it. I can remember as a young woman, walking down the street one day, and a man said to me ‘cheer up love, it may never happen’. It really stopped me in my tracks, as I thought I must have been looking really miserable even though I hadn’t been feeling it. As far as I was aware I was just being me. But this remained at the back of my mind and I decided I should make a real effort to look happier even if I didn’t feel it. How much this influenced me is hard to say, but it certainly had an impact on me and how I wanted the world to percieve me by my ‘plastic smile.’ These throw away comments that are so commonly used and are seemingly so harmless, can have an enormous impact on someone elses life.
That observation of politicians smiling and not meaning it. In my experience it is still possible to see what kind of smile it is – a rictus of pain, an indication of panic, in some cases a genuine welcome. In my experience it is always visible what it is.
I was unmasked for hiding behind a smile to prevent people knowing what I was really feeling many years ago. However it was not until attending Universal Medicine presentations that I started to explore what is behind the need to hide what is really going on for me and start to express my truth not in an imposing way but simply giving people the opportunity to meet the real me. My jaw is certainly thanking me that it no longer has to maintain the rigidity required to keep that false smile plastered on my face at all costs!
I can very much relate to what you have shared Phil. I hadn’t considered smiling a form of protection as you have highlighted here but I can feel the truth in this. I use smiling as an ice breaker, a way of making myself and the other person feel comfortable, but really is there any need for this? Why not just simply be real rather than comfortable?
The question that arises as I ponder on those smiles that hurt my face is – if this smile is hurting me could it be hurting the ones/s I am smiling at? And from there the next question is – if I my smile is just a pretend smile will others see behind it? For so long I used to smile when often I didn’t feel like doing so, even if I was not feeling smiley inside, but today I know that pretending to be anything other than I am hurts me in so many ways, and conversely, to be honest as to how I am feeling is so very healing; so it’s no more “plastic smiles” for me, just the ones that come from deep inside and are wrapped in love.
A true smile is such a joy to be in or with and yet a forced smile or an automatic, reflex-type smile feels quite unsettling when we allow ourselves to feel it. It is a great practise to keep close watch on how we are when we smile and why. I shall bring more awareness to myself today in when I smile and how i smile and allow for greater honesty with myself and others. Thank you Phil.
“It reminds me of a clown – no wonder I have never liked clowns – are they reflecting a truth within me that I am not comfortable in seeing myself?” I too have always disliked clowns and would put it down to the mask that they wore. In reading your blog I have been prompted to ask the deeper question of what masks do I hide behind? I love it when I read something and a whole new world opens up so thank you Phil.
“It reminds me of a clown – no wonder I have never liked clowns – are they reflecting a truth within me that I am not comfortable in seeing myself?”
I agree with you about clowns Phil- as a child I remember being taken to the circus and being scared of them with the leering, huge false and almost sinister smiles painted on their faces and yet, very aware of the contradiction in their eyes – the total opposite of what they were portraying. Under the guise of fooling around there was a deep sense of sadness, suffering and misery. How often I have done the very same with a fixed smile on my face to ‘get through’ life.
This is great to clock Phil. We are so used to putting up walls of protection by saying I am good with a fake smile so that we really don’t have to engage with ourselves or others.
Thanks Phil, for this great blog. Reading the words ‘plastic smiles’ made me shudder this morning as I realised that autonomic smile that still can appear on my face as I go about my day regardless of how I am feeling. How freeing it is to consider dropping this automatic response and simply meet the world from my heart – so much more open than a well-rehearsed, overused plastic smile and precious as it offers another a moment to connect.
I am have been very uncomfortable with having my photo taken in the past. It does bring up so much stuff about how you feel about yourself and how at ease you are in your skin.
It’s Halloween and the shops are full of masks for adults and children, and there are news reports of people dressed as scary clown frightening children in our streets in USA, UK and Australia. Where does this fascination with horror come from? (Personally I have never liked watching scary films). It is to avoid feeling our true selves? What is going on in the world of a scary person? Is it a feeling of power that although they cannot get anyone to love them, they can get some kind of attention by scaring young people?
A forced smile is a give away, but I know I have put on thousands of them. I have noticed people are sometimes uncomfortable when we don’t have the smile on. They say things like ‘cheer up’ or ‘it may never happen’ if they see your smile is absent or are not feeling great. I must admit to finding that irritating.
Phil, this is an great blog exposing yet another layer of protection and separation being held in place through the ingrained habits of covering over a variety of emotions and feelings with the use of a fake ‘nice’ smile. No wonder our true expression can be well buried underneath this.
So true Phil, how often we try to dupe ourselves and other people that everything is okay when our bodies are clearly saying something else. Time to get real, to allow the uncomfortable stuff to be seen, felt, shared and aired, not in to indulge or to look for someone else to fix it, this is about learning to be honest and as a consequence, learning to take responsibility for the choices that made us end feeling crummy. The more we realise that we don’t have to patch things up for our selves or any one else, the more power we allow our selves to have to address the real ills that we are attempting to ‘smile’ over.
Love it Phil – a simple, real life example of how we choose to not be ourselves. And no doubt many people do this as well. It reminds me of an old boss of mine – he would play the ‘friendly’ boss character by laughing and smiling a lot. But his eyes told the true story and quite frankly, you could read from a mile away that this was not genuine. I’m sure this isn’t the type of thing you thought you’d be learning from Brexit – observation and awareness knows no bounds.
Phil, this is brilliant, reading your article I can feel how it is very ‘normal’ for us to walk about with fake smiles and that it is standard to smile at someone rather than show on our face how we are truly feeling, there is a dishonesty here and I am going to be more aware of this as I can feel the protection and the kind of ‘leave me alone, I’m fine’ feeling that a fake smile gives out.
We all do it. We all hide behind fake smiles. We have been conditioned to present ourselves in this way to the world, and it’s how we ‘hold it all together’. If we dropped the smile we would have to be honest about how we are.
Phil what a great topic to write about, this is something that I also catch myself doing – smiling when the truth is something is not that great or I am simply not feeling to smile at that moment, furthermore I notice I sometimes laugh to brush off something that i feel hurt about. In the same way as smiling for me thats a protection, a mask a way of pushing away the outside to say I am ok – when I may be hurt, fragile or something may simply be up and laughing/smiling is not the truth of the situation. Great to look at this, thank you.
When I have choosen to let go of my protection, I can feel how my body surrenders and how I also enjoy my new movements. The protection may try to switch back on in certain situations, so it is a constant choice and observation to stay with myself.
Its great when we get honest with ourselves and call out the forms of protection we use in order to hide ourselves and for the world to leave us alone…… the more honest we are the more gets exposed, and we then have a choice to choose differently.
I know this fake smile you speak of Phil and have used it also often. It is one of more sophisticated forms of protection we use as it is harder to fault then say anger or aggression, but in a way no different to these in terms of the end result, which is to keep people out and keep them away and hide who we truly are and what we are feeling from the world.
My youngest son has the most gigantic and amazing and illuminating and wondrous smile. He also has another very fake and forced and awful smile. The difference is chasm-esque in it’s size. Super easy to discern. But as we get older and older that gap narrows as our natural joy becomes less and as the masks become more polished. A smile is one of the most powerful methods of protection. There was an article yesterday in a kids newspaper comparing Clinton and Trump – it was pointing out that Clinton was always smiling and Trump was always grumpy – I was quick to point out that we should never be fooled by a smile!
A great and very revealing insight Phil and super honest revealing the masks many of us put on and live with that we also take on as who we are covering up our real and very beautiful selves. This is a real reflection of what we have become and how we are living but by being honest and feeling the plastic smiles that hurt us we can begin to unravel our real selves lovingly and make a fresh face and start in life with a more truthful existence and allow our natural innate joy to shine out.
Hi Phil, your blog feels really cute, as I can feel the innocent, open and vulnerable little boy in you exploring all these questions. We are not really taught to be exactly as we are, “Put on a brave face”, “be a big boy/girl”, “be nice” are often said to children, not “tell me how you really feel”, “just be yourself”, or “let the world see how you really feel”. It’s all a bit of a masquerade party at times, which over time can lead to being unsure of how we even feel, as it may be so locked away behind the fake smiles, niceties and politeness of life. Here’s to exploring our authenticity and sharing that with the world.
I had a similar experience when my wife and I had some photos taken on our engagement. It was super exposing and a real revelation to look at the photos afterwards. But isn’t it great that it actually hurst our face? I mean, how cool is that – that our body tells us so directly when we are lying. I love that.
Lovely, Phil, and a great observation. How easy we think it is to hide how we are feeling behind a smile but, as you say, the fact is they feel the truth, consciously or not, and the result is they loose trust in us. And then we wonder why?
A great point to raise, Phil. It goes to show how unsafe or uncomfortable we generally feel being our real selves, to share with others the truth of what is going on inside of us. Recently I have been experimenting as well, with not portraying the habitual fake version of myself but instead allowing myself to respond from my body – not surprisingly I am having much deeper conversations with people and they are opening up much more to me.
Your post brought to mind as a young one when I was passed in the street (by strangers ) I was often told ‘cheer up, it may never happen’…. I then learned to put on a false smile. No wonder I have always shied away from being photographed. The fakeness of the ‘cheese’ for the camera didn’t sit right with me. As a photographer I much prefer to take more natural shots of people too. It’s interesting to observe how children learn from a very young age to present a plastic smile for a camera.
I have also had the same comment made to me by strangers, and have often wondered what kind of look I was presenting? It does give you that moment to pull you back to yourself and out of that lost in thought with the problems of the world on your shoulders.
A camera doesn’t lie and as you have shown Phil it can be very exposing having a photograph taken. I love how your body exposed your fake smile and that you could not hold it for any length of time without your jaw aching. I am not aware that I put on a fake smile but after reading your blog I am going to observe myself during the day and see if this is something I do.
To be aware of these plastic smiles is great. I have used this kind of plastic smile you’ve described many times but often I don’t even register I am doing it. Now, after reading your blog Phil, it inspires me to be more aware and observant. Also to be more aware of everything I express, a smile is a way of expressing and we communicate so much in our every movement.
Phill great observations, I had a photo shot recently and I noticed the same I felt quite uncomfortable and realised I was ‘trying’ to look good. As I relaxed and became more aware of my body the unease started to lesson. I realised I still held images of what I “should” look like.
Great blog Phil, and such a great topic. I had noticed too that having a photo session does exposes a lot of how much I was willing to show me, but not to the extend how it is a reflection of how I am with people in my everyday life. This is a great insight and something to look at in everyday life. There is indeed something about smiling and everybody is satisfied. I notice that sometimes I do not feel like smiling but that does not mean I am not joyful or do not like the person I meet, it is just not the moment to smile. I sense it has to do with accepting that we are already amazing – with or without a smile.
“SMILE!!” – almost every single photo taken of a child is preceded with this line. No wonder there is no truth in our smiles.
Or even “CHEESE” maybe for a cheesy smile ????
That’s what I feel-I would rather see someone’s real face (let it be upset, confused or even angry) then fake smile.
I’ve observed in myself a growing honesty and willingness to move from how I feel. Without this, activity can sometimes feel forced or habitual. When I allow myself to feel first, ‘what to do’ or what needs to be done’ is effortless. And sometimes it can be to do or say nothing even when faced with an expectation that I should be the very opposite.
Are our fake smiles just the extension of when we were young and told by an adult ‘to do as I say not as I do’? We felt it was wrong and the statement made no sense! As adults have, we just accepted this false connivance between us and others as a way of life and accept it? Or, do we see our part in continuing this false projection of ourselves to others and chose to call out what is not true?
I can certainly relate to what you are sharing here Phil and I often catch myself as I feel how my face distorts into a smile – this habit is particularly exposed in front of a camera! It is such a challenge to look at someone without feeling obliged to smile, it is an automatic for me, which does not allow the smile to naturally emerge but is forced onto my face without even thinking about it. So yes I can relate, it is an automatic protection that comes up instead of enjoying the genuine openness and allowing the facial expression to reflect that.
Phil, your unfolding self awareness and honesty is a joy and that’s what shines through here.
So true Phil. We so often use a smile to present an image to keeps others at arms length but our body language tells the truth.
Our smile is a reflection of our innermost to the world -it maybe that we are either reflecting joy or low self worth and inner loathing. It is amazing what is in a smile and it is something that many of us do not even think about, appreciate or take full responsibility for. I mean if I am smiling when I feel low self worth do I go deeper to find out why and is this truly what I want to reflect to the world. Much food for thought here, Phil.
Great and honest blog Phil, I know that for me there is a huge difference between the smile or ‘face’ that I may portray to the world and my essence ..the absolute depth of my Soul that I otherwise am and delivers what I truly feel. It is interesting to uncover the difference for ourselves and to bring this understanding to others too, that they may not be ready to show their selves in full but that we know exactly what that is like and hold no judgment towards them. There is something very profound about coming to let ourselves out so-to-speak and be our selves in full and what I’m finding is that this comes with a great responsibility to do so, as this reflection from another is what initially supported me to step out from behind ‘my face’ and this is what will eventually support all others too. The power of reflection by someone in their own essence!
“It is almost a mockery of the fact that people feel first; how arrogant is that? ” really sums up how we look at the behaviour of politicians and celebrities putting on their show, however the reason that such protection and trickery is tolerated is because we all do it to some degree. Addressing our own protection and falsity is confronting, sometimes we’re not ok and it’s very hard to admit. Blogs and conversations such as this are sorely called for in a world where anxiety, depression and suicide are escalating. Thank you for exposing one of the subtle ways we override what’s really going on.
We compromise our body to create a movement that is not true, and here you expose one very common such example many of us do. Thank you Phil for reminding us that such movement causes discomfort and even hurt to the one that is executing it as well as the ones observing it, and whatever we are trying to project or hide with such movement is felt and known anyway. Makes me wonder why I feel so tired at the end of some days – was there any falseness in the way I was moving and using my body?
A true smile comes from the body eminating out so it’s easy to feel from a person whether it is real or not. It can be felt no matter how much the other person is trying to disguise their true feelings. It’s great to hear how honest you are with yourself, not always an easy or comfortable thing to do but definietly worth it.
This is really interesting what you share here Phil and enabled me to look a little deeper at the masks that I put on when facing the world. theres the brave one, the one to fit in, the protection and probably a few more. The strange thing is by wearing these masks it actually hurts in the way that when I’m doing something fake I feel a disconnection in my body with the only remedy being to reconnect with the real me again.
Working in the fashion, modeling and photography sectors, flashing a smile that is not genuine is the same as forcing ourselves to be moody never with a smile, they would be hurting us and others when the body is not feeling the truth of this expression.
I love the questions you ask Phil, life is re-discovered in all the correct questions asked, each deeper than the last. I find myself smiling much more and wanting to get a smile back since childhood from my father and growing up with close men around me. A smile to me felt like a confirmation, an acknowledgement, that we are okay, we are liked, we exist, both of us.
I totally agree, Phil, how arrogant that we think we can ‘fool’ the world behind our ‘fake smiles’, but we’ve all done it. We have tried to ‘create’ the impression we feel should be giving, rather than being honest about how we are truly feeling, despite knowing that everyone else, like us, feels the energy first and energy cannot lie, it just is.
This is an awesome blog. It really does hurt us (my jaw is so painful when I let out a fake smile) and everyone else, when we put on the smile mask. But I love how you’ve unpacked it Phil, reminding us that it is a protection mechanism from a world that doesn’t feel safe amongst its own kind. And so it is one hurt person meeting another, smiling the communication Of keeping guard and distance, and in so doing, deeper we go into that hurt. For we long to be met, with a smile that’s from the heart and that comnunicates the love that we are.
What a gorgeous blog, thank you, Phil. I know exactly what you mean about the fake smile. I notice a tension in my mouth, a thinness to my lips and it feels to me as though my mouth has an un-natural curl to it when my face is trying to show something very different to what I am feeling. It occurs when I’m not allowing the love that I am to prevail, rather, I’m caught in whatever it is that has entrapped me in that moment, resulting in a falseness to my smile.
Reading this blog I have just had a flashback to the box full of school photos where I too have plastered the fake smile with a huge level of protection. It is interesting how you share Phil that the smile paints the picture for the world to see but the eyes can’t hide what is felt inside.
Hi Phil , thank you so much for this sharing which I can relate so strongly too. On the surface of it all who could fault someone for their smile or seeming to be happy? But as you beautifully say, if we just feel what is actually going on the smile is much much closer to a heap of tears, and laugh can sound like a bucket load of hurt stored up from all our past years. You inspire me to see the surface smile for what it is, observe and notice when it comes in and go a little deeper to what lives underneath in me.
‘I realised that I present this so that the world leaves me alone, thus it is a form of protection.’ Great insight, and surely one of many tactics we use to keep distance between ourselves and others by denying our vulnerabilities. The use of the phrase “It’s all good” strikes me as another –it has a very ‘keep away from me’ vibe.
It appears easy to create these false positives around what we actually present to each other while all around us we are aware of many of life’s facets getting harder and more difficult to cope with. It’s been a fascinating journey getting more honest about that and actually really lightens the load on the shoulders…
Phil what you present is spot on. But it gives me pause to reflect on our obligations as people on the receiving end of the fake smile – do we have a responsibility to gently ‘call it out’? To say “That doesn’t feel like you, is anything up?” when we see an overly-sunny smile in progress?
I feel there is absolutely a “settling” or “accepting” in not calling it out for sure…however I am learning to apply a level of discernment to each situation and individual. Quite often not saying anything at all but instead connecting with the eyes, or opening my own body up to the “knowing” that the expression is not true, is powerful enough to make the other person stop and consider. Until we question “is this true” for ourselves it is difficult to realise and appreciate the extent of the protection.
What a great topic to open for discussion Phil. I knew a person once who was in chronic pain every day of his life but never wanted to show this face to the world, so nearly every photo recorded exactly the same smile. It was as if it was considered (by him) unmanly or weak to show how you felt on the inside. However, it prevented the deeper sharing of intimacy that comes from being authentic and vulnerable.
It is so lovely to be on the receiving end when someone is open, authentic and vulnerable. It somehow gives me permission to do the same, after a lifetime of choosing to hide and not share anything of myself.
Know this story all too well Anne, physically and within many relationships. The game is up hey…
I enjoyed what you shared here Anne Hart. The deeper levels of intimacy that we can go to when we let go of the shields is truly remarkable.
These smiles are used so often, and I am too a regular user of the plastic: all is good but actually not smile… It is a way to guard ourselves. It is great to expose this and feel in what situations we are using this to hide something for others, and in truth we are trying to hide it for ourselves…
Sure is Benkt and we all know how much there is to offer from behind that guard. Cosmic.
It is funny (not ha ha) that this blog is published at a time when the US and now Australia is seeing an epidemic of creepy scary psycho clowns that are terrorising children and people in the streets. Apparently it is the latest craze and the papers are full of it. Some weird manifestation of our daily masks exposing themselves.
Absolutely Nicola…and are we not seeing the same thing within political campaigns in the same geographies?
Awesome blog, Phil. I know just the smile you mean, the one that is forced and hides the truth. But there is something delightful in both giving and receiving a smile that comes with joy, one that shines through the eyes, that offers an open and nonthreatening connection, and matches the truth of what is felt. I love what you share about people losing trust in us when we constantly present a plastic smile, a lie – who are we trying to fool?
Right on Carmin, smiling from our particles. Now who doesn’t fall in love with that…
Some smiles look more like grimaces.
I agree, Nicola. There are thousands of ‘flavours’ of smiles – from grimaces to pained to simply fake. You only need to flick through a clothing catalogue to see this. They market the clothing with smiling, handsome/pretty models.
I always find looking through the Emoji’s on my phone a significant reminder of the different types of smiles we can choose.
So true Nicola. I have really become aware of this by observing someone that I know doing an ‘automated’ movement I’d call it. This person will talk about something and then the person will move her/his mouth sideways as if it was a smile – and it is super fast and then back to straight, pretending what was delivered came with a smile. It is so obvious that this is not a smile at all as the rest of the face and body just show a whole different feeling. And I feel such sorrow in that person – showing exactly the hurt and the protection by trying to do something that looks like a smile…
I have been focusing on letting go the ‘mask’ I wear too. What was very exposing for me was that I realised very quickly that I put the mask on even when I am alone. So deeply ingrained is the version of myself I project to the world that I had been believing it myself. In paying attention and letting go of the tension in my face, I have become aware of how it is not only projecting a false image to myself and others, but it is a form on numbing myself – of living life through a veil that takes the edge off – a bit like a glass of wine. It disconnects me from my essence and the enormous power my connection brings. I agree, it’s a way of protecting myself, but also a way of hiding. It’s a big ‘Keep Out’ sign hanging there for all to see. Interesting to observe both my reactions and other when I drop the mask. I have had to question whether I would prefer to keep on being known as a smiley, safe, open, friendly person or be myself. The answer wasn’t immediately ‘yes’ which exposed my investment in being the one that everyone likes and feels comfortable with. And for others – it’s been disconcerting. I’ve had a few enquiries as to whether I’m ok, showing how much we position ourselves by the way others are. If Lucy isn’t smiling does that mean there’s something wrong with me? Interesting isn’t it.
Super interesting…and does “not smiling” mean you can’t be safe, open and friendly? Oh how it continues to unfold.
I love this Bryony – “The more I choose to stay aware and present, the easier it is to choose connection rather than the disconnected check out behind a mask of niceness.” I am with you here, as this is what I have discovered too and the more authentic I can be, whether alone with myself or in company, the deeper the connections are and the more true intimacy with others can unfold.
I am also struck by how we can use these forced and plastic smiles to not allow the natural joy that is felt inside to be expressed. It can be so automatic to go into these patterns of expression that can be a protection from really allowing others to see how we feel and naturally are.
Absolutely. But why don’t we want others to see and feel this?
Yes this is such an important question. What ideals or beliefs are we running where we then feel it is not ok to say how it is for others to see and feel?
We may think we get away with ‘faking it’ – but really, we don’t get away with anything because, like you’ve said Phil, we can all feel energy and read far beyond the exterior facade. We may fool some, but what is the gain? In truth, we are only avoiding connection which is actually harming us more then we tend to realise.
Than we “want” to realise hey Rachael. For if we acknowledge in one instance we are faking it we have to accept we may well be faking it in many, many more ways. For me knowing the impact on everyone was a real supportive way to take responsibility and also appreciate that It’s a simple choice to be true, or not. I still don’t always get it right but I can be light with the times I am not perfect and this allows me to be a lot more observant.
Thank you Phil for bringing to my attention the “plastic smile” syndrome. Looking back at old photos I can see many plastic smiles and forced poses. I know if I am asked to pose for a photo I find it very hard to be relaxed and natural as I would love to be! Why is this? For me there has always been a sense of needing to look a certain way in a photo. In general I hope my smile conveys more of who I truly am!
Always good to reflect Roslyn and I see the same in a lot of my older photos. But it’s a lot more fun to be aware and keep one eye on how we are expressing, especially when it arrests the unnecessary tension and anxiousness and what that allows within communication.
This is awesome to read. When considering the lack of trust in politics and polictians it surely is no wonder when even the smiles are fake.
Whenever I fake smile my face hurts. Same if I laugh falsely. We all know fake is fake and all lose trust in those faking it including ourselves. Each little bit of fake is a step away from ourselves to the point where we feel disconnected and lost. But what’s so beautiful is how honesty can wipe fakeness away in a moment.
True.
Great expression Karin – and so true – we can only really fake something if we have disconnected from ourselves. And you are right – if someone clocks it and delivers honesty – yes we can’t hold onto faking any longer.
Beautifully said Karin – there are layers and layers of falseness between us that we can all read with more clarity than we are prepared to admit and it is this clarity that confirms that we do know how to truly be with each other other and ourselves.
A fake smile is felt by everyone, when it is exchanged. Could it be possible that remaining true and not falling for the ideal that we have to show one another what we think is needed at that moment to give off a happy exterior is a true interaction? To meet someone and say I am exhausted, upset or a bit rattled may not give the ideal picture for the other but is showing the realness of life that we are experiencing at that very moment.
How different would our relationships be with others if we brought more truth in our expression physically that got us to look deeper than the fake smile?
Ah, yes….those aching fake plastic smiles we are trained to do from when we are young, smiling on cue to please the adults who live according to social niceties rather than from any form of lived truth that comes from within. The key here being that we need to retrain ourselves to smile from who we are and not smile from who we are not. A great experiment Phil!
I feel you have captured this very well Liane “smiling on cue to please the adults who live according to social niceties rather than from any form of lived truth that comes from within” – this is how we learn to live and the more “social niceties” you have the more ‘successful’ you are but the more lost from who you truly are you are.
Absolutely, and I often find kids are a great role model in these examples. When observed they will express their true feeling initially, even if only for a moment as they get the hang of “turning on” the niceties. I am finding the more I play with taking a moment to connect with myself and the people I am interacting with then the more space I have to halt the fakeness and actually express in a way that is true…the reality is it is very rarely dull or sombre and often sees others being light and open too.
I love this Phil- “…the more I play with taking a moment to connect with myself and the people I am interacting with then the more space I have to halt the fakeness and actually express in a way that is true…” Giving ourselves the time and space to just check in, and stay connected can make a huge difference not just in our interaction with another, but also in our interaction with our self.
its so true, we are indeed trained from a very young age to smile sweetly at people and make them ‘happy’ by so doing. Its crazy how ingrained the falseness is, and how we also are conditioned to demand smiles from others, regardless of how they are feeling on the inside.
I have often watched parents force this behaviour on their children in order to please another and fit in with the ideals of how children should act or be.
I love your point about the fact that everyone can feel whether you are being honest or not…despite whether they are conscious of it in the moment. Also, that people lose trust as those feelings build up. it’s amazing how much we choose not to be aware of. it’s like when we say ‘we don’t know why we don’t trust them’. But it’s because of a feeling. amazing.
I love this point too Elodie. I can see that all of my fake smiles create a lack of trust as I am not being honest in my communication. This is huge.
Also great points Elodie and once I clocked this I started to see so many areas of my life when those masks were worn…in fact there was very few occasions when they weren’t. Even in private healing sessions. How can we trust each other when we can’t even be honest with ourselves?
Great point to ponder upon: “How can we trust each other when we can’t even be honest with ourselves?”
Awesome topic Phil. You really got me feeling into how often I fake my smile. And certainly when having a camera in my face do I quickly push me and how I’m feeling aside and immediately perform.
I do think about this often especially at work, where I turn a smile on when passing everyone I see. Sometimes I really don’t feel like smiling, and not because I’m necessarily having a bad day, I just don’t feel like it. But fear of the other person being offended keeps me faking it every day.
But, where is the quality and honesty in that. What is more harmful? Looking the part, or being honest?
Great little observation but one that is very exposing of the fake lives most of us all are leading in our ‘day to day’ lives, with not very much adding up to being real or true. I think it is super important to expose all those moments of fake smiles, even fake concern and let ourselves be much freer and real as then we have a shot at living life from an authentic loving place.
Hear Hear Vanessa, and I for one can appreciate how much you are an inspiration in living this way.