A class I recently taught was studying an English unit on Advertising, which looked at advertising of products for children.
I enjoy teaching advertising units because I find the children love learning about how words, images, colour and sounds can be used to influence their choices in food, toys and clothing. They find it empowering so I find it worthwhile. The study of advertising often highlights gender differences in the imagery presented to our children and so indicates how we differ in the way we raise our boys and our girls.
We had a great time discovering the influence of static ads and we had just moved onto online, multimedia ads, where the addition of sound effects and music lend considerable extra weight to the impact of advertisements.
Our first ad was a multi-media presentation by a well-known building block manufacturer, targetting mainly boys. The ad started out with very loud booming sounds and then proceeded with ‘the man with the very deep voice’ exhorting viewers to engage in a hero-like fashion in the narrative constructed around the product.
The change that came over the beautifully tender, sensitive little boys at this point was extreme. All, bar two of them, just about jumped out of their seats; they were agitated and their eyes became surreally bright. They began to converse animatedly with each other while the girls and I looked on, baffled by what was happening.
Seeing these beautifully tender little boys so agitated and so thoroughly changed in their demeanor, I could not continue with the lesson.
I decided to take a moment so that we could look at what had happened.
The boys re-seated themselves and I asked them what had happened for them during the ad. They were confused and so the girls shared what they had seen happening for the boys, noting that only one girl in the class had been similarly affected.
The boys then explained that they had become so animated because they have to fight evil and that evil is the enemy, the bad people and the dark forces. They agreed with each other that this is a ‘man’s job’, hence why the girls remained unaffected. Moreover, ‘everyone knows’ that this is the way it is, they explained.
I was incredulous at the depth of their feeling. I have been aware for many years that girls and boys are socialized in different ways and consequently, display different behaviours. I had no idea that one online ad for a toy could trigger such agitated behaviour and such incredibly, deeply held convictions as the ones I witnessed during that lesson.
Would it not be wise for us, as a society, to consider what is happening here?
Are we raising our boys to lose their innate sensitivity and tenderness at an early age?
Are we encouraging them to assume ‘manly traits’ like ‘fighting the enemy’ and ‘fighting evil’ and to respond on automatic pilot to situations that require the development and expression of these traits?
Would it be wiser to allow our boys to unfold their innate sensitivity at a completely natural pace?
Observing how these primary age children became so agitated when their beliefs were triggered, confirmed to me the logic, compassion and wisdom of looking more deeply at what is going on.
Like many schools, we are periodically visited by Legacy volunteers, who are often former serving personnel from the Armed Forces. Again, I have often been struck by the loveliness and genuine intention of these men to serve and protect their country. I have noticed how, even in retirement, they continue to serve as volunteers for Legacy, to provide financial and emotional support for the families of fallen comrades. As I observe these usually gentle men addressing our students, I often contemplate the beliefs they might have been raised under as boys. Did they feel they had to ‘fight the enemy’ at an early age because that’s what men do? Did anyone value their tenderness and encourage them to honour their sensitivity? What life path would they have chosen had this been so?
How much do we restrict the choices of our boys, and our men, by these recurring themes and patterns of fighting the enemy and evil?
How can we allow these beliefs about what it is to be a man to shut down their sensitive awareness at such a young age? How many men and boys perceive themselves to be warriors against evil, defenders of home and hearth?
Don’t we need to take a moment and consider how we are raising our boys and are we imposing on them and our men?
Further Reading:
Raising Boys
Men – Are We Set Up to Fail?
Good Parenting Skills
Stitched Up
876 Comments
A friend has recently had a baby boy, and I went to see him at just a few weeks old. We insisted on taking our cold jackets off before holding him because he would get cold, and his dad just said that he needed to toughen up. Looking down at the tiny gorgeous baby boy in my arms, barely a month old, I couldn’t fathom how we lived in a world where everything about his delicate and tender nature was not cherished, and that instead we began pushing ideals on him that he needed to be tough, he couldn’t cry like a girl etc etc. It might seem like something small, but it only takes a few small things to create an impression of how he should be for the rest of his life.
Especially when those word ‘toughen up’ come from the men that the young boys look up to the most and how easily do such words pass from our lips – it is what is accepted and even expected just because the baby is a boy. Can you imagine this being said if the baby were a girl? Hardly…….
It blows us away hearing something said like this about a gorgeous sweet bundle of joy, but that is perhaps what was also said to the Father as a tender boy as well. And if so, could the Father be in reaction to feeling how fragile and gentle the baby is and how he could get hurt if he goes out in the world like that. It’s changing the way we see protecting ourselves. I now know that hardening, as a form of protection is in fact what hurts us most. It’s important to keep exposing and calling out the many ways boys are imposed upon to be less than who they are.
It is not just the fathers that make comments like that. It seems the mothers are tougher than the fathers at times, with comments like ”oh he just has to get a grip of himself – can’t have crying if he lets a goal go through” (in soccer), or “boys will be boys, they will fight and have wounds, that is normal” – etc etc. And I could see as these boys grew older, the hardness coming in, the toughness expressed in language and felt in the body. Very sad all of it!
Yes true Karina, sometimes how mothers talk about their sons is atrocious… and shows just how far away from their preciousness they are.
Aimee I couldn’t agree more. The whole idea of toughening up children ready for the world needs to be challenged. Many people believe that what they are doing is good for the child in the long run- girls and boys are both asked to toughen up. Often the care taker finds the child’s sensitivity too painful to handle as it awakens their own sensitivity and the pain of missing out on themselves having tried to shut themselves down with all sorts of hard ways.
I agree Aimee – how can the father appreciate the delicate little boy when that didn’t happen to him – it is a cycle that needs to be broken, allowing men to be who they are not who they are told to be
Absolutely Rebecca, just this week I described one of my male colleagues as sweet to another man… he was also affectionately speaking of this colleague but when I said sweet it stopped him mid sentence. He looked at me and said ‘I wouldn’t have called him that’ then paused and said ‘but now you say it, I agree’. It just shows how tricked we have been when it comes to beliefs and ideals about how females and males should be, and how we are supposed to treat them.
Wow, Rebecca, your example says it all. The conditions are there and start right from the beginning of a baby’s life. This is something for us all to deeply ponder on, in terms of taking responsibility for everything we do, think or say in relation to another.
I agree – its not just a flippant remark or a joke or a passing gesture – these things have effects and consequences that are far reaching.
This is rather shocking Rebecca, it just goes to show we as boys, in a lot of cases don’t stand a chance and are taught to toughen up and relinquish our tenderness from day one. No wonder the world is in the state its in. We should all at least be given a chance to be gentle and tender until we get to an age we can make the choice to turn away from it ourselves it we should choose . It would then be interesting to do the test with the advertising to see if it had the same effect on boys that had been allowed the time to remain with tenderness.
That’s the brutal reality for boys coming into this world. There are studies that show that boys are already differently received during birth than girls, that they are not treated with the same tenderness as a little girl and then growing up a little boy is likely to be thrown into the air for a welcome, meanwhile a little girl is hold and cuddled. Like your example Rebecca, there are these constant small moments that impose on us the nature we then start to act on.
Yes it is very sad if that is so that boys are treated differently at birth then girls. I am so joy-full that I had the most gentle waterbirth at home with one of my children all those years ago, and the tenderness with which he was received into the world and held in that gentle beautiful loving space. I am sure it will have deeply instilled something in him, that shines through strongly when he chooses to allow it.
I remember interviews with parents who say that they’ve treated their children equally but the boys will always pick out the guns and the girls the dolls. I’ve always been puzzled by this but hearing of how genders are treated so differently from birth I suspect many of these differences are not identified by parents and only the more obvious things like bedroom colour or toys to choose are seen.
And it is underestimating the negative impact that these small behaviours are having on our young boys that is causing an issue that few are voicing. The sexualisation of women and the way they have been portrayed and treated is widely known, but the same thing is also happening to men.
Well said Rebecca. Not holding and cuddling a boy in the same way we would do with a girl has its impacts, how could it not have? As you say, it would pay us as humanity to begin to see these impacts seemingly minor behaviours have on us and start to take responsibility for every move we make.
I totally agree, Rebecca. I was, quite frankly, aghast the time I saw a newborn baby wearing a rugby cap placed there by his Dad- the baby was less than an hour old!! We need to educate people to be aware of the effects these ‘little things’ have, as well as sharing another way to live, based on love, and connecting with one’s inner heart – which itself would reveal when something was out of tune with our innate love and tenderness.
What a fascinating story…and a great example of the impact on kids behaviour from just one advertisement. As the years have gone on I have found TV harder and harder to watch…and I most certainly always mute the commercials which I find very imposing!
Yes Marika I agree… it’s many years since l’ve been able to watch commercial television, even the volume goes up several notches when ads come on… that in itself is very imposing.
They are extremely imposing, and when my children were younger they noticed and commented on that as soon as the ads came on, the volume would increase, all by itself. We also had the ads on mute, and nowadays no one really watches TV anymore in our house.
Wow, what an experience. The boys have really assimilated how much they had to be like a man – fighting. I experienced that as a child – one feels very powerful but also a bit empty.
It’s the empty bit that feels so sad. I wonder how that would have been for the young boys in the wars, then and now…
We seem to have a history of creating this emptiness…..
WOW this is fascinating what you are sharing. You are doing an amazing job working with the children and really helping them to see and feel what is actually going on and how outside influences can affect us. So many children need this kind of support and teaching.
I agree Vicky. Anonymous, the children you are teaching will not forget these classes with you. They will forever, even if it is at the back of their minds, look a little further at what is being presented to them. What an awesome tool to assist them in being assertive in how they feel as well as being discerning about their choices.
I agree too Vicky and Elodie, Anonymous truly offered a great service here and so lovely to hear the children respond, showing clearly the set-up being taught from early on. Supporting them in discerning the choices they make, by offering energetic truth in a simple way is just awesome.
To simply encourage a child to develop as the unique person that he is would change much in our society.
Thank you for your confirmation, ladies: all teachers thrive on appreciation and confirmation – it’s the nutrients that allow us to expand and bring even more to our work with children 🙂
I agree Vicky, these kids don’t just need to learn their ABC’s and how to count, they need to also learn about life and how it really is, to learn about things like the influence of the media and that it doesn’t have to be that way.
Although this is a subject that has been discussed before, what you have presented here is disturbing. It feels like the more I connect with my own body, see how precious I am and introduce the practice of loving myself tenderly, the greater the impact when I observe harshness toward little ones or any other person. What you have described here has happened as a result of one ad and yet humanity is exposed to this same energy through TV programs, music, magazines, toys and the list goes on. Yes, we are imposing on our boys. The beautiful thing is that when this is challenged and the preciousness and tenderness in our boys and men is acknowledged, we can also celebrate a moment where truth is felt and known.
Being an only girl raised with three brothers we played goodies and baddies, and I definitely had an heroic ideal as a young girl – this may have been because it was only a decade after the second World War or the fact that I grew up watching westerns and war films. But your blog seems to indicate that the young girls bar one in your class were not affected by these ideals – so it would appear I was conditioned similarly to the boys in our family –definitely food for thought here. It sounds a fascinating subject to study – the affect of advertising on young children and adults!
This is a great sharing Josephine and shows how we are educated into responding to certain ideals. The girls in the class were not affected by these ideals, because they already aligned to other ideals with which they identify with. That’s the influence it has on us, that we are unaware of how we align to certain ideals and then we act on them believing that it is what we have chosen to like.
Exactly, Rachel and Josephine, and the effect what rolemodels on TV have on boys and girls is probably more big than most of us realize.
I found reading your blog fascinating and also disturbing, anonymous. You spell it out so clearly and I had not really understood before that our young boys had the belief they had to fight the enemy and the forces of evil, let alone how deep this belief system goes. I had observed a young grandson becoming obsessed with warriors, ninjas and gladiators but had not realised that this belief might be at the root of his obsession.
I see it also Josephine as this way of being and the beliefs of needing to fight the enemy is feed to our boys, through many influences….advertising, TV shows, and computer games. These become more and more aggressive and volatile as boys grow up, to ensure they don’t reconnect to the tenderness they were born with.
And how sad is that; that energy running this is truly one that needs to be banished forever, and blogs like these and teachings like the above, starting in Kindy so to speak, would be awesome to make a start and expand it out.
Absolutely Karina, like anything that is new for us we like to prepare ourselves and get an understanding of what it’s about…it reminds me of childbirth and me asking lots of questions! It would be supportive for children to have these open discussions at home and at school about what it feels like playing this or doing that, well before the world introduces it to them. Then they have a solid foundation and may not be easily swayed into the lovelessness of participating in some of these games.
One thing is for sure, boys are soon themed into ‘manly’ topics. These topics are not only reduced and restricted for our bodies but also they invite us to forget about it. We learn a way of being that works towards the outside but that we know it is not it. How this knowing plays out in each one’s case is different but the fact remains.
Well put Eduardo – it gives a good feel for what happens within boys and men…
That is quite shocking as to the change you saw in the boys but at the same time that has been made to be ‘completely normal’ in life today. Is it any wonder we have so many disfunctionalities in life when even one advert can rile a person when embedded with such beliefs on how to be in the world? And that was just one ad, in life we are exposed to beliefs on how to be in the world in almost every situation and with every person we meet because they are also living in that agitated state as the boys went into. It really brings home the importance of connection to ourselves because without this we are lost at sea so to speak.
I agree Leigh, without a strong connection to ourselves and our bodies we can easily get lost, as we are constantly bombarded with advertising, images and pictures of how we should look, behave and what roles we should perform in life. It feels that without a solid and strong foundation of self love and acceptance we are automatically at the whim of everything that society imposes on us, and have no control over our actions and thoughts as we are being fed these, and not operating in life from an inner knowing so to speak, which is really a connection to our hearts and bodies and making decisions from there.
I am really blown away by the impact the advertisement you describe had on the boys in your class. As a woman I can see I have taken comfort in the idea that ‘men will protect me’. I can see I have been a part of a way of living that imposes this belief system on boys and men. There is no denying that this belief system is grossly harming.
It is incredible to feel that if we actually allowed men and boys to be tender there would be far lower rates of violence, war and disharmony.
Great point Leonne… as women we play our own part in men identifying themselves as the ‘saviours’ for sure. And spot on, if this were not fostered, and men were not expected to save anyone by fighting, we would not have wars as there would be nobody to fight in them. Such complication in life and so much devastation perpetuated by this seemingly ‘inherent’ trait we continue to foster amongst us as a humanity.
Yes women certainly do play their part in enabling the identification of the ‘saviour’. The more that men and women connect to who they are from their innermost heart and tenderness, the more they wake up to the fact that disharmony & violence is not part of our natural harmonious way of living and being. And there would be no such activity as war between people and countries, when the internal war with oneself is overcome.
Leonne, you made me stop and ponder on how men and women have equally contributed and are equally responsible for these attitudes. Women have a role to play and not just if they are the mothers of boys, when women stay silent and allow men to also deny their tenderness then men miss out on knowing this aspect of themselves, the next generation of children miss out on seeing tender men as their role models and today some women follow suit and pick up the sword to prove they are equally tough rather than equally tender.
Thank you for your honesty in exposing the part that women sometime play in looking to men to be the protectors, and in some cases the providers and all the different roles we place on men. It feels important to expose this as men carry a lot of ideas, ideals and picture about how we are supposed to be around women and the roles we think are expected of us, not allowing us to be who we truly are.
Me too. Leonne, for a time. If all, or even most, women hold this belief, along with most men, it then gives credence to the boys’ claim that ‘everyone knows’ that protecting is what the man / boy does – it is all that they discern when they look up at the world around them, if no one is offering a different reflection for them to consider. We are definitely all in this together…men and women, until we choose to address this undercurrent of energy and then choose differently.
I can relate too Leonne, I used to think and expect that men would protect me and look after me etc etc. Since attending Serge Benhayons’ workshops and presentations at Universal Medicine,for the past 12 years now, this has changed so much, in that I have stepped away from the expectation on men as protectors and moved into the power and strength of a woman taking responsibility for her own life. This in turn allows me to see the men in their sensitivity and tenderness, even if they try and hide it …
So true Leonne. As women we have bought into these ideals too and this has affected how we relate to men and the world. I agree – there would be lower rates of violence – and probably illness too – if we nurtured the innate sensitivity of boys and men.
Great point Leone, we all play our part in maintaining belief systems. It’s as if we live in a giant web of deceit. It is time to step aside and free ourselves to live our truth, not our ideals.
What an amazing example of behavioural change due to media exposure anonymous. I will be taking closer note of the ways in which our children are affected. I have often pondered on just how limiting it is for both boys and girls to be confined to ‘gender specific ‘toys, activities, games and even clothing. Manufacturers and marketers have a huge sway on what is on offer. Thank you for provoking greater awareness.
This is what all children need Anon, a teacher sensitive to the energy of the reaction in children when they are exposed to outside influences, and most important, being able to stop and enable them to notice what happened and so learn freedom of choice of how they can respond. Your example shows how manipulated we are by advertising in our society, in a way that encourages fixing and cementing ideals and beliefs that keep us prisoners of bigger forces. Who does this serve? NO-one — whereas how you opened up a new possibility for the boys to recognise something of value in themselves and claim it is true service.
There are some great questions raised here, not the least of which is we need to recognise just how much our young children observe and turn to the adult world for role models on how to be.
So true Adam.
So true Adam and we really have to stop and consider what messages our children are currently receiving from adults in the world at the moment. Our current media and video games are something the adult world targets to children, what is coming out in video games today is deeply disturbing and shocking for children to see.
Thank you Anonymous for exposing so graphically how subtle and insidiously advertising influences behaviour and thinking.
You are bringing up many points for pondering, anonymous. I am a parent of 2 boys- now young men and I felt , when they were younger, incredibly pressured to encourage them to be “boys” as part of their identity. Now as I observe them claiming their sensitivity in full I realise what a big disservice to them it was when I followed ideals and beliefs rather than my own feelings, in my early parenting days.
You can be sensitive and vulnerable and incredibly effective in doing what needs doing. The misunderstanding may be that we don’t trust that is possible and then try to make ourselves robots that do whatever hard or difficult or unpleasant action that is necessary.
Well said, Christoph: it’s not about a ‘wrap in cotton wool’ solution but about re connecting and sustaining that connection in everything we do – and in the face of harsh external influences also. We need to be the ones who show that this is possible.
That is so beautiful honest what you have shared Anne – it showed that this ideals and beliefs of how boys should be raised are deeply ingrained in our society. It is very inspiring that you have changed the way you raised your boys so that they have the possibility to claim their sensitivity in full.
Thank you for starting this much needed conversation Anonymous: it is definitely a conversation I like to start whenever I have an opportunity, but usually meet a lot of resistance when I do. I agree without doubt that we are placing too many impositions on our young boys which only serve to bury the natural tender being they are, and replace it with the tough guy image that they believe they are expected to fit into. We as adults have a responsibility to support these gorgeous boys to retain this innate tenderness and to let them know that it is totally acceptable to express this tenderness, along with their sensitivity, in a world that has taught boys before them the exact opposite.
Yes Ingrid, resistance can be arisen when topics such as this are raised and questioned. This is simply because it is exposing that over all, humanity has forsaken its sensitivity and ability to live energetically aware. If we were such, than atrocities such as what is mentioned in this blog would not occur, because we would feel our delicate nature, and live in accord with the sensitivity we naturally have.
The description of the ad you talk about and the reaction from the boys is very uncomfortable. It is almost tragic to feel the effects. What an excellent example of how boys are affected at such a very young age by the beliefs society places on them. They felt it instantly. This just shows how sensitive and tender they are. What an absolute gift for them to have you as a teacher so they had an opportunity to discuss what had been witnessed and felt.
Advertising is a powerful tool to produce and re-produce gender stereotypes. Experts are studying people’s behavior and they are specialized in identifying patterns that can be emphasized as “typical male” or “typical female” and then are thrown out there in relation to a product they want to sell, creating a feedback loop that manifests those stereotypes in society. It is a vicious cycle and the lines have blurred, but we can clearly say that advertising today has a clear role to ingrain mostly harming stereotypical behavior specifically in our young.
There is a viscous cycle at play here – advertising, media and experts tell us how boys are supposed to be. We raise them to this way of being, and voila that is how they are. Those same men then lead our world, and champion how we raise our boys. Time to stop the cycle.
Thank you for sharing, as a man when I was a boy I was not raised to develop, nurture and deepen my tenderness. At school I effectively had to toughen up, play the mans games like rugby, which was quite brutal for a tender sensitive boy, endless cross country runs in the freezing cold and even snow. None of it asked me to show my sweet sensitive and tender side. What it goes to show is that TV is portraying the same message to our children, so we need to be more discerning what we allow our children to watch as ultimately as you have shown even something as subtle as an advertisement can have quite a big effect on our children.
I am not sure there is an alternative for boys as they grow up, as you experienced James it was part of your schooling and in many cultures around the world the rite of passage into manhood are considered what defines men as men, these almost always involve a show of ‘bravery’ by withstanding physical pain and torturous rituals. Young boys are geared up for these rituals and most partake willingly as it proves their worth and place as a man within their community. To fail or not partake comes with great shame and emasculation. Some of these rituals, as an example, involve deep gashes to the face and children die from infections – it is extreme but actually no different to the brutality of making a boy play rugby at school and the isolation and ridicule that can ensue if he goes against this. There is so very little support for men and boys to make or even consider a different choice such is the stranglehold of this societal expectation.
There’s a lot to be considered when reading this blog – and what it particularly highlighted to me was that it’s not only the obvious ideals and stereotypes we have about men, but the more subtle beliefs and images that are imposed and the physical effect they are actually having. Is it possible that when we choose not to be aware and/or override these feelings that we hold this in our bodies for much longer than we would like to think, resulting in the adults and men these young boys grow into?
This is a great blog that shows how we design boys and girls to be. All the qualities (or better stereotypes) we assign to a man or a woman are created by those outer impositions we present them during their upbringing. This identification is related to what we have to do to be seen as a certain man or woman and have very little to do with who we are. Tenderness, sensitivity, sweetness, etc. are a boys natural expression and his true qualities, but the image of manhood that we have created over centuries has blinded us and we have reduced ourselves to being identified with stereotyped patterns and behaviors instead of bringing our true qualities into their fullness.
Wow thank you anonymous for showing how ingrained it is in young boys that they think that they have to fight. Your experience shows how quickly they can change from gentle loving boys into over excited agitated warriors. It is also great that you took this further and questioned the change in their behaviour, and that both boys and girls were able to see that this is not their natural way of being.
Alison, ‘ Your experience shows how quickly they can change from gentle loving boys into over excited agitated warriors’, I notice this, my son and I will be gently walking to school, holding hands, being very sweet and gentle with each other and then a little boy from school will come by and my son and him will immediately go into this pretend fighting, their hands will go stiff and they put on false voices and arch their back – their whole body going stiff, the change is huge and very bizarre, and I can feel how these little boys are often not being themselves with each other but are behaving in a way that has become acceptable amongst them, it is like they have all made an agreement that this is how boys behave together, when I have the boys round to our house sometimes it takes a while but usually if we sit together and play a gently game they stop this behaviour and sweetly and gently play together.
Your comment Rebecca reminds me of when my son was small. He was super sensitive and I can remember all the other boys being much tougher and harder, but for a long time he wouldn’t have a bar of it. And Im sure this is true for many if not most young boys, but as they get older, there is such huge expectations that they will become more ‘manly and tough’, and they are picked on terribly if they do not ‘man up’ that life can become hugely challenging for them during their early teenage years. It is so important that we nurture these tender and fragile qualities in our young men, and confirm to them that actually this is what the world so desperatley needs – men who are not afraid to shine and share their innate qualities with one another and with the rest of the world.
Education and how we live is a constant imposition on boys and girls to adjust to the gender stereotypes we identify as a society with and conform to the patterns and behaviors. Everything from the day we are born is designed to impose gendered roles onto us, roles that make us live in a certain way so we conform to the expectations of being a man or a woman. Those impositions come from the false belief that we are first of all human beings (men and women) and not equal Son’s of God. If we lived by the knowing that we are equal Son’s of God we would use the different physical forms of expression (men and women) to advance our evolution and not against it.
Boys are deeply tender. Being a teacher and being observant in life I see many tender boys soon put on faces, fronts and ways of being that they clearly were not born with. This is definitely a topic that deserves the time to openly discuss and ask ‘what is going on really?’
It certainly is no question that boys are raised form young to be a certain way, and their innate sensitivity is not honoured or encouraged. This pressure can cause so much confusion in young boys and it can be the beginning of them starting to doubt who they are. I also remember hearing those ads on television and now especially the ones for ‘boys toys’ and reflecting now, the harshness that was in these ads was very noticeable at the time. It is setting boys up to respond to certain tones and demands from an early age.
Many people would not even want to think about letting boys be sensitive. The idea that boys are all rough and tumble, and they have to be tough to survive in life is very entrenched. It is great that there is another way being offered – let’s let boys really be boys.
This is very true Heather, ‘Many people would not even want to think about letting boys be sensitive. The idea that boys are all rough and tumble’, as the mother of a young boy this is what I observe, boys are encouraged generally to be tough and strong and not cry and show sensitivity, if they do cry or show their fragility I have noticed that sometimes with their dads in particular the boys get a kind of rough shake or a little playful punch and told to get up and told that ‘your ok’, it is almost as if there is embarrassment and a feeling that it is unacceptable for boys to show this tenderness and sensitivity in public.
I feel it does set them up to respond to certain ( loud and harsh) tones, Harrison, as well as to a domineering and forceful level of volume. There is then a high likelihood that these factors correlate directly in their mind with ‘manliness’ and ‘power.’ These days I use a microphone in my classroom so that my students hear gentleness amplified – an attempt to redress what is out there in society at large.
Thank you anonymous. What an amazing point you raise and I absolutely love the enquiring and truthful way you have delivered this blog in. It definitely would make anyone who reads it question and ponder on such an important topic.
Yes it is pure gold to be able to witness a single moment like this and see through what is actually going on. And how many single moments are happening all the time like this???? The mind boggles.
That was what struck me most, Sarah: this was the effect of one just one ad, of less than one minute’s duration. How many other single minutes are similarly bombarding children, and all of us, with this aggression and contempt for our innate sensitivity? How do we start to address this? It is a huge responsibility for all of us to undertake.
Yes this is such an important topic. Raising our boys to be tough contributes to the toughness of the world and the many problems that abound. If the natural tenderness and sensitivity of boys was nurtured the world would be a very different place.
The tragedy is that boys the world over are ‘schooled’ to suppress innate sensitivity and tenderness and encouraged to be hard, aggressive, and believe themselves to be saviour’s of the world. It doesn’t have to be that way. Let them be saviours of themselves first. Boys connect to and respond well to games and films that are tender and gentle. And we as parents and guardians have a responsibility to nurture these innately sensitive and tender qualities in our young and discern which gifts and toys we give them.
I agree Kehinde, ‘And we as parents and guardians have a responsibility to nurture these innately sensitive and tender qualities in our young and discern which gifts and toys we give them.’ I notice how very differently my young son responds to gifts he his given, if someone gives him a toy sword or something about superheroes or to do with a T.V program that is rough and not gentle then he responds in this way – he becomes boisterous and can act in a fighty, aggressive way, whereas when i give him presents such as crafts or teddies then he plays with them in such a sweet way and so there are some toys that I have encouraged family and friends not to buy him because of the strong reactions he has with some of the more fighty toys.
What a burden we place on our children to become a certain way and adopt certain behaviours. I was handing out calculators to a class the other day and one boy was very upset that I had given him a pink one. He immediately asked to swap it for a black or blue one. This is a simple example, but beliefs even about the colours we are allowed to wear run deep. How strange that we can feel less of a man or woman because of the colour of an object we are using. It’s a tragedy that we are all not valued and supported to grown up to be the tender open loving people we all started off being.
And the truth of the colour pink is that it represents tender-ness, sensitivity, sweetness and fragility – all great strengths. But in this instance we see that pink is perceived by many to be weak, ‘girly’ and soft – as insults, not compliments. How mad is our blanket mis-conception of something so simple as the meaning of a colour?
Anonymous, this is a great article, as the mother of a young boy I can very much relate to what you have written, even at pre-school I would observe that the boys would dress up as super heroes and fight ‘the badies’, the girls would get upset as the boys would become rough and boisterous, the boys behaviour at this point did not feel natural to me, they would move their bodies in really unnatural, hard ways and certainly did not look like the sweet, sensitive boys that i knew them to be. It is interesting how this behaviour is seen as acceptable and just ‘how boys are’.
Agreed Rebecca, I have heard many parents say that they feel like they are losing their boys when they go to school. If the beliefs and ideals of what a boy is to be has not kicked in by then it is guaranteed to kick in once they start school. School puts a whole other pressure on children and between that and all the other beliefs we are guaranteed to lose our children, that is until we are prepared to do something about it.
I agree the effects are tragic Rebecca. Even more tragic is that this plays out in society daily and then these tender young boys grow up and cement this hardening into becoming the men we have around us who feel the pressures of life, the beliefs that society outs on them etc
Forcing these ideals of how a men has to be does put such an enormous pressure on boys. You are literally forced to deny anything that you feel and become something you are not if you want to be accepted. How absurd is that?
Working in nursery, I see every day that it is accepted how boys play in one way and girls in another and that is just ‘how it is’. However when I am working with either gender I experience the boys as caring and sweet as the girls are as I approach both genders equally.
I agree – someone i knew brought their boys up to not have things like swords or play fighting, but the first day they came back from school the boys was playing pretend guns and fighting and hitting – completely having taken on the ideas around needing to play like that.
Hello Rebecca and I agree and often watch these things play out but also get involved where I can. If I see and feel something that doesn’t fit then I’m there offering a different direction. It maybe a word, it maybe a presence but either way I’m not just sitting back and letting things happen in front of me. I know if it’s in front of me then there is something for me to see. It’s great to expose these things in the written word while also actioning them in everyday life.
The labels we place on boys and girls goes insidiously deep, to the point where we strike a fear in boys around even the colour pink, which I have seen many times. Your story of the ad exposes clearly the depth to which we encourage boys to move away from their tenderness and take on a role that does not reflect who they really are as boys. How much of the violence and disharmony we see in the world stems from messages such as this, and how much pressure are we heaping on boys when they feel it is their responsibility to be protectors and to take on the world in this way. Every little expression we give boys that isn’t asking them to man up or be tough is a step in the right direction. As grown men we have a responsibility to show our tender sides, to be steadfast in our refusal to play the macho game and to offer a reflection that being fragile and vulnerable is not weak but actually our greatest strength.
It’s very refreshing Stephen to hear a man speak as you are here. In fact it is so needed. I watch older men as they are sick and they still play the ‘must be tough guy role’ to cope with whatever physical pain they experience. I can say without doubt that they just end up with more pain, not less. What this says to me is that the way we develop boys into men, and all that influences that, is not working…really.
This is so true Stephen, ‘The labels we place on boys and girls goes insidiously deep, to the point where we strike a fear in boys around even the colour pink’, I see this with the children I know, my son is 5 and hasn’t realised that boys ‘should not like pink’, but I have heard when other children see him for example with his pink water bottle i can hear them say ‘why has that boy got a pink water bottle’ or as a joke someone may say to him ‘i bet you would like a pink one’ and not realising the irony and that he is meant to say ‘no pink is for girls’ he say ‘yes I would like a pink one’. There are so many things like this, such as boys liking fairies, sparkly things, because I have never said to my son ‘you cannot have these things they are for girls’, he naturally loves sparkles and fairies, interesting how if we don’t impose on boys what they should like and dislike that they do not follow the stereotypical boy thing of fighting and protecting.
Yes, Stephen G, a move away from tenderness and a many moves towards a sense of completely false responsibility. To me it indicates how we need to re define, or claim back, the true meaning of that word, responsibility.
I love the way you addressed the class when you felt a shift in the students state of being. How beautifully honest for the children to discuss this and share with each other. This to me is true education that naturally takes place within a group.
I totally love this too Marcia. It is a true honouring of what played out in that moment- holding the children in equality knowing that they hold the wisdom in their bodies to express what just happened for them and how they were and were not affected. Amazing. We need more of this approach in schools.
Yes, Marcia I agree. That discussion has given the class, both girls and boys, something true to work with – reflecting on how thing in the world affect them and others. It also shows how crucial it is that we don’t leave children alone in front of the television/movies etc for hours on end – we need to observe what is happening and encourage discussion.
Yes I agree Marcia. This is indeed true education and incredibly inspiring. It is something we can actually do in any situation or at any time in life and does not have to be left to the class room. Alternatively, we could say our whole life is a learning and classroom.
Its true Marica, taking the time to name the shift and to give kids the experience of knowing there is a choice between what goes on around us and what we do. We don’t have to be pavlovian dogs responding on automatic to the conditioning that surrounds us.
I agree Marcia and what a new marker for all in the class; girls, boys and teachers alike. This is something that will stay with them all forever and something they will all be able to draw on as they grow and continually face these kind of issues within the communities in which they live.
I loved that too, Marcia. That is such a big learning in itself to educate to children to observe changes in their way of being and to backtrack what caused it. In this example it also allowed them to experience group work and the power of working together.
I agree Marcia, it would be all to easy to let the feeling pass so as to get on with the lesson, and yet another lesson was offered by stopping and going with the feeling.
Marketing and advertising is unscrupulous in its manipulation to target, aim and fire, no matter what the age. It’s primary aim is to hook and lure you away from your inner knowing to be in the need and enticement of something that lays outside of you.
I agree with what you have presented here Marcia and I also ponder at what point do we say no. We can blame the marketing and advertising agencies for their unscrupulous ways, which of course they have a responsibility for acting so irresponsibly but at what point are we as a consuming public also responsible? When do we say enough, we can only be sold what we want to buy. For now we could say it can be too difficult for little boys to buck the trend, they would stand out like a red flag to a bull, but as more and more do, then more and more will be inspired to do the same. Thank you to all the men in the Universal Medicine student body who are bucking this trend and showing us true power is in your tenderness and preciousness – you are all divine to watch and be around.
We have to remember, marketing is about selling. Movies, toys, games – all about selling.
Absolutely Heather. Companies are often focused much more on selling products and reaching profit targets than on how the product will influence or effect the customers.
Susie I would add that often they do know that it will influence behaviour and lead to more sales but agree that they most certainly do not consider long term side effects – what motivation is there to consider this when your business is purely sales driven? It is therefore incumbent on us as parents, grandparents and responsible caring humans to speak out and support businesses that truly want to bring quality products to the market place.
well said Marcia, it is a great example of how we have made profit our new religion and more important then even our children. Are we ready to see and admit to this?
Yes, and fantastic that Anonymous is teaching in schools the impact of marketing. As adults we can be easily targeted with very little awareness. When I studied marketing at university I was gobsmacked at some of what we were taught. To me it was simply wrong to use such manipulative tactics.
Yes Nikki, i feel there is a way to share and promote a product with integrity and honesty and without the manipulative tactics.
Wow. Wouldn’t integrity in advertising be world changing?
The perfect set-up to ensure that we are constantly chasing the dream, the vision and the ideal…keeping us from who we truly are and the power that resides in every one of us.
It is such a perfect set up Sara, how could we have been tricked into leaving our immense love for such a reduced imitation.
Reduced imitation indeed Bernard, and we have accepted that as being okay.
The question is: Did anyone value their tenderness and encourage them to honour their sensitivity? What life path would they have chosen had this been so? I am sure a totally different life and with much more care for every single person.
I agree it is criminal (or should be) to exploit in this way. They must do lots of research to figure out how to best manipulate children. It was wonderful how Anon described their observations in class and how clearly these ads actually had a tangible and physical effect on the boys and their bodies. This too would lend itself to a research project to expose the harm and magnitude of what is going on here.
I agree Nicola that it would be good to research and ‘expose the harm and magnitude of what is going on here.’
I would love to see that research also, Nicola, and it needn’t be too difficult: simply monitoring physiological indicators like heart rate, blood pressure, sweating response, dry mouth, galvanic skin response..all of these would change in a deleterious manner I am sure with exposure to these ads.
Great idea, to start a research project to proof the harm on the boys.
Marcia, this is so true. I remember being utterly shocked by the way McDonalds targets children to be drawn into their restaurants with various hooks. These tactics should not be legal in my opinion as you are drawing young children into wanting food that is harming them.
Hello Marcia and I agree. In fact as most know there are millions of dollars spent on research into how to target certain markets or groups of people and while it’s great to expose this and speak about this those in the knowing should market and advertise in a different way. In other words ‘we’ that know differently or know another way need to lead it, all the way. Marketing and advertising are forms of media we specifically think of but the way we speak and interact are all other forms of ‘marketing and advertising’. We need to change the game because it’s obvious the game is not changing itself.
Wow what a well needed article and how important is it to get to the bottom of this and start to make true changes where men/boys can come back to their true state of being. What I am feeling here also is that there is no difference to what has occurred with Women and how they also have not been honoured for their sensitivity and tenderness leaving the world a very hard place.
Absolutely Amina, by telling them so to stop being themselves and replace this for behaviours of ‘fight’ and ‘protect’ makes the world indeed a very hard place – totally unnessesary. Like you shared Amina, let’s feel what is going on and get to the bottom of this, and change. Time to honour all the young and old men for who they naturally are. We can all support each other to educate our young to love them for who they are – no matter what beliefs these might break.
Amina that’s a good call at this point in the comments … We as responsible inhabitants on this earth have continued to perpetuate fighting as long as history has been recorded, we have a problem with the foundations or blueprints for living. Nothing will truely change until we replace this with’ Love as as our intelligence ‘ and from there we nurture our future, this is equally the responsibility of men and women, boys and girls as we all have the capacity for choice.
Absolutely Amina, I agree, to honour our sensitivity and tenderness is a rare thing, and thanks to the presentation by Serge Benhayon more men are reclaiming their true power by reconnecting to the inner-most.
For more on Serge Benhayon or another perspective go to;
http://www.unimedliving.com/search?keyword=SERGE+BENHAYON
Beautifully explained how simple it is to keep ourselves and our children locked into ideals and beliefs that do not support any change in our attitudes – we are still at wars around the globe after two world wars that were meant to end all wars.
This is true Susan, we need to see that everything said carries with it an effect. When we don’t stop to take stock of this, the effect goes on and as you say world wars and conflict are allowed to continue.
Yes after two major world wars and a number of very serious near misses, you would think we would learn that what we are doing is not working. Why is it that others want to take over the world, why are we not content with what we have. Is it really about land, money and power or is it about being so hurt and protected that we are willing to fight and destroy others. We have to become very de-natured to fight each other the way we do. If a computer game gets a glitch and does not perform how it should we would all stop and ask for it to be fixed, yet when our very inner human nature goes astray we do not stop we continue and eventually accept it as normal. When it is not normal it is abnormal to fight each other but unfortunately it is common.
Yes Susan. It shows how many layers of indoctrination there are, and how this is achieved. It plays on the naturally protective and caring nature of boys, but subverts and redirects this tender quality into something perverse and destructive. Wise guidance is so important and our shared responsibility.
Thank you, Anonymous, this is a powerful example of what society imposes upon men (and boys). That little boys feel they have to be macho is very sad, especially when we allow ourselves to feel how sensitive and tender they truly are. We are all responsible for addressing these stereotypes in ourselves and honouring each human being for their unique qualities regardless of gender, ethnicity or age.
I agree Janet, we are all responsible for addressing these stereotypes in ourselves. When people say derogatory things about boys or men I am quick to speak up but this has reminded me to look at how I am with myself as a woman and the stereotypes I can buy into.
I wholeheartedly agree. The title even asks me to look where I buy into ideals and beliefs concerning women and men and thus am imposing on children, which are our future society.
Kerstin the key point here that our children are our future, and therefore whether we support them to be their true nature or impose on them ideals and beliefs that hurts us, or expose them to the perverse values found in ‘games’ is super important and a very real responsibility that all adults share.
Beautifully expressed Janet. We are all responsible for honouring each human being as well as for taking responsibility for all that we allow in our lives that do not support this honouring but instead asks us to be different to our true nature. Such as boys need to be tough and don’t cry and women have to look a certain way and be good care givers. As long as we subscribe to these beliefs we will all be less as a society and human race.
Very true Janet. Nowadays, we so often make life about ideals and judge anyone who does seemingly not meet them for this, without honouring at all the unique qualities that we all bring. We seek assurance and protection in being individual and create the distinctions by judging and classifying, instead of opening up to the fact that we are all equal and stopping these approach of “Attack is the best way of protection”.
Precisely Janet. We are all responsible and it begins with each and every one of us.
Yes Janet great call, we are all responsible for exposing these false ideals and beliefs, whether it is within ourselves or others. We are all unique and truly worth honouring and loving as we are.
It does not make it right but small boys have throughout history been inducted into fighting to protect something; be it beliefs, country’s or just ways of life. Boys are lumps of clay that have always been able to be molded into whatever was needed and tenderness was not required for the job they were to undertake.
Very straightforward and crass assessment of what happens to our boys and how they are indoctrinated to take on a fighting role from a very early age. And as you so rightly say, “tenderness was not required for the job they were to undertake”. And as a consequence, we all lose out.
Agree Steve as it was never about the quality we live in, but always about the outcome that we could achieve. Boys and girls are molded into whatever the dominant consciousness wants them to be, to function in a world that feeds itself from an energy that does not want us to recognize that we are divine in our origins. The more we live in this prefabricated gender stereotypes the more we are in separation, struggling to assimilate in human form instead of knowing our equalness in essence and living the worldly diversity as a temporal expression.
Wow Rachel, amazingly expressed!
It’s an interesting thing to ponder on Steve with what you have raised as to why young boys would be used by armies to fight. I have seen pictures of young boys in armies and they are particularly difficult to see. I wonder if young boys are used in such a way because of the depth of power that is within a young boy when they are expressing their sensitivity and tenderness and what this brings us for men (and women) in what we have denied ourselves from being? One only has to look and the gorgeous picture in this blog to melt in the eyes of such beauty.
I completely agree, Steve: there is most definitely an aspect within the human psyche, usually an aspect of which we are totally unaware, that has a complete contempt for the physical body and sees it as a ‘lump of clay,’ as you say. If it is just a lump of clay, this then justifies the use and abuse of it in any way, shape or form…..thing is, the body does not feel itself to be just a lump of clay but as a sensitive vehicle. Acknowledging this sensitivity sounds the death knell of the contemptuous aspect and it has an historical longevity, as you say, that it will not willingly or easily let go of. I appreciate all men who claim their sensitivity and tenderness in the face of this opposition.
I agree, Steve, and perhaps we need to begin to consider if this is the root cause for many issues we as a society now face – sky rocketing domestic violence, increasing levels of rape and assault, wars and violence etc etc. Perhaps when we do not include fragility, tenderness or love in the equation of bring up our boys, we are left with the end result we now have.
That is a very raw observation Steve, but very true. Society ‘uses’ boys as lumps of clay to be molded into whatever is needed. It makes me shiver, but it is true. It requires great strength to withstand that. I see that very very few boys are able to withstand that, the ‘boys’, now men of the Benhayon family being amongst them. It shows that despite what society throws out on boys, with good parenting true men do surface.
True Steve. I find small boys now given cuddly toys alongside plastic ray guns, brigades of plastic soldiers of different nationalities with rifles, to play war games with. Girls on the other hand get given lots more cuddly toys, arts and craft materials, games, but thankfully, no guns. Gender roles already in the making.
Wow – food for thought – like in the fairy stories where the hero always rescues the maiden, the princess gets her prince, we are conditioned with archetypes that feed our beliefs about the roles of men and women. It is great to be aware of just how early on we feed into these.
I agree Carmel,
It was quite revealing reading this article as to how ingrained the beliefs are around the gender roles that society has placed on both boys and girls. And how even at a very young age these affect and if let, control how our young men are growing up.
I agree Carmel it is great to be aware how early these are fed to children and often it is not through ways that are obvious. Often it is simply the way adults are in how we live and are with ourselves and often we are unconscious of this ourselves.
Yes, Carmel, this way of bringing up little boys has been around for many, many generations. They have always been given strong, tough men as role models in stories and now films, ads etc., for little boys. Boys’ stories are so often about great male heroes. Similarly for little girls in how they are guided into their beliefs of their role in life as a woman, to have a family, look after children and the husband. We stifle and control our children’s minds from such a young age, it is so sad.
There is such a stereo type created by society when it comes to raising boys, great to have articles like this that expose the harming effects of not giving boys the space to be the sensitive, tender and deeply caring boys and men that they are.
Yes I agree Katie this article is great and we certainly need more of them as this is an absolute epidemic with far reaching consequences that many would never consider.
It’s crazy that these ways have been around for many years in bringing up children, there are so many ideals and beliefs that it is hard for them to break away.
I can honestly say I loathed Cinderella as a child. Even then I thought it was hogwash. Time we let both boys and girls be who they are without overloading them with ideals of how life should be.
Unlike you Heather I was deeply enchanted by Cinderella and all of the other stories that focused on beautiful young women with lustrous long tresses. I was particularly spellbound by Cinderella’s dresses. She had 3 different dresses that she wore, a blue one, a pink one and a golden one. I was pulled out of my body completely and into the beauty of the dresses, my entire body was captivated by the pictures in the book and still to this day my body is affected when I look at the pictures of Cinderella’s dresses.
Hear hear Heather – it’s time to break the long and heavy chain we have carried for generations. It’s up to us to stop the imposing and all them to be.
Very true Carmel we need new fairytales that reflect the truth of who we are and what we can become.
I spent a portion of my life playing out those roles – the damsel in distress waiting for a prince to come and rescue her. Thankfully he never came and I got bored!
Yes Nikki so many fairy tales portray damsels in distressed saved by charming princes. This is even seen in many romantic movies too. Society is fed these fairytale ideals continually but sharing’s like these articles, goes to show that we can set a new foundation for living from our own lived experiences and how magical that can be.
Yes except in many of the images kids get today its also not just a prince rescuing a girl like in fairy tales. Lots of video games and music videos depict men abusing and being violent towards women- it is such an extreme opposite to the true nature of a boy/man.
Very true Kristy, the prince is a picture that is far away from what we see in games and videoclips nowadays. The violence that is being used and the aggression that is to be felt is very extreme. It is setting children up to leave their true selves behind and it is causing separation between boys and girls on a very young age.
Yes Kristy the video games are horrendous. There is one I found a very sweet 6 or 7 year old playing. It was how to kill the teacher with a choice of weapons to select from. When I was clearly horrified he said to me don’t worry it is only a game. He was trying to convince me that this was just a bit of fun! These games are so designed to separate a child from their true nature.
I have had very sensible male friends share with me that the video games they play of shooting people are so real, that when they are out and about in real life, they feel people are ambushing everywhere and they feel they want to pull the trigger. If this happens when video games are not being played, it is not only a game and it is no fun at all. Anything that takes a boy or a man away from his true tender nature is to encourage evil to exist and be a part of our world.
I am really glad you shared this Adele for it is really proof that the violent games have a major affect on the nervous system and everyday life and cannot be confined to the console. I agree that there are a lot of things in our society that drive men and boys out of their natural tenderness. They are so insidious, you are right; they do encourage evil to exist in the world.
So if this happens to grown-ups, what does it do to boys? Could it be that in the end living in the ‘real’ world, starts resembling living in the virtual world of video games? That is a scary thought.
Wow Kathleen, that is full-on! ‘it’s only a game’ indeed, where do these thoughts come from? And who designs and allows these games to be produced. They are not innocent but we are letting them loose on the innocent, and then raising our arms in horror when despicable acts of violence are committed.
Yes so true Carmel it begins at such a young age, it’s quite staggering to realise how much we build our life on false ideals and beliefs of what it is to be a man or a woman. It makes so much sense of why we can struggle through life not knowing who we are as we are imposed upon to be something that we are not rather than celebrated for who we innately are.
Absolutely Carmel. We are fed these beliefs from an incredibly young age, even down to the colour of babies clothes, or the name tags they are given when they are born ie pink for a girl and blue for a boy., or the toys and gifts they are given. This may be a small thing, but already there is an expectation that we will then identify and be identified by certain conditions.
I feel we live in soiety where boys are not raised to be the tender, sensitive and sweet boys that they are. Every role model, every add, every game, book and film show boys that they have to be tough, a fighter, the provider and that being tender and fragile is weak. I feel that a lot of men at this moment are not living the true man that they are but live with an enormous amount of pressure and tension.
I agree Marietta…there is enormous pressure on boys and men to ‘toughen up’, ‘be a man’; where crying is seen as a weakness and labeled being ‘a woos’, and yet the truth is men are naturally sensitive, tender beings – just as women are – and so to be living the exact opposite of this creates enormous tension within the body.
I so agree Mariette and Paula the tension that men and boys live under is huge, all based upon these false perceptions. It really exposes the fact that we are not truly recognising the true qualities boys and men naturally have and supporting them to live and be the true men and boys that they are. Tender, loving, sensitive and beautiful.
The “programming” to be something that they are naturally not, that our young boys (and girls) are on the receiving end of, pervades every part of their lives, and the effect on their bodies as they try to live something that they are not must be hugely harming. As you say Paula, it “creates an enormous tension within the body” and this will only serve to override their natural tenderness. And to think that this internal conflict begins at such a young age is shocking. It is our responsibility as adults to encourage the holding of our children’s natural qualities; those of tenderness, gentleness, joy and honesty, and from there they will have the freedom to be themselves in a world that entices them to be anything but.
In my experience with my 6 year old, it doesn’t take much for him to come back to his sweet and tender self. As kids they are not too far from this and bringing them back is something that they absolutely love. So whilst society has a lot of pressure, their tenderness is always nearby and is something they are more than happy to return to.
I did a technique called “talking to the body” about 20 years age and despite its origin, it actually worked because one part of it was simply listening to the body and I remember getting a very clear, simple and useful message.
That is a beautiful sharing Nikki and amazing to feel that it does not take much for them to come back to there natural selves. It then goes to show how much effort we would need to put in to stop children from being their natural tender and loving self.
Nikki, this is lovely to read and I can feel your love for your son and how you would make it so easy for him to be “his sweet and tender self”. I’ve seen other boys toughen up the minute dad comes on the scene as they very quickly respond to the picture he has of how they should be. Yet, as you say, ” their tenderness is always nearby” and the more we confirm it the more they can allow themselves to be that.
Even though sometimes there is extremely strong resistance, allowing our boys the opportunity to come back to their own tenderness and express themselves just being that is deeply healing, and they do absolutely love it Nikki, for there is nothing more awesome than feeling and living the truth of who they are.
There seems to be rules for boys and rules for girls. Girls can play with pink and babies, boys can play with blue and trucks. I have seen so many young boys being so playful with a pram and a baby, it is crazy that we sometimes forbid this natural imitation of a parent in favour of a games that will toughen them up.
Yes and the first and foremost pressure that sits beneath all the rest is simply that the world is saying to men that they are not OK just the way they are. So from the outset they are striving to be something to fit in with the outer ‘requirement’ whilst their bodies are always calling them back to their innate qualities.
What an incredible unit to teach – teaching kids to discern what they see in the world and how they are persuaded and manipulated is a responsibility we need to take very seriously as educators, adults and parents. Our kids are immersed in a different world in their upbringing and are bombarded with these ideals and beliefs. Bringing them a moment to be still and reflect is a life skill which will support them and is absolute gold.
How amazingly supportive to get taught at such an early age in how far we meet manipulation everywhere in our lives.
Yeah I agree I would have loved to have been more aware of the advertising game much earlier, it is actually deeply disturbing when you feel what is going on, and it is everywhere in many guises.
Indeed Vanessa, you feel that something is definitely not as it should be around you, but you cannot grasp it. Once you realise to what extend we are surrounded by manipulation it is a shock and a relief at the same time. A shock because the influence is so massive and a relief, because you finally can see behind the facades and decide in how far you are prepared to be manipulated or not.
Yes I agree that the degree of manipulation is shocking for all concerned. I am so glad this teacher was able to expose it with her students and bring their awareness to what is coming through such advertising.
l agree this is an incredibly excellent unit and amazing how young they were.
So true Gina, kids are constantly bombarded with pictures and messages and we need to support them to express how they feel about these so that they don’t ingest these and take them on as a measure of what they need to do or how they need to be.
I completely agree. The power and damage this bombardment of images actually does is huge, and does not stop as we get older. If we can be supported to learn about them from when we are young, then we can grow more with the knowing that we do not need to take them on. The effect this would have on society would be huge!
Yes , the pressure from the images that are projected onto children from every angle is massive and abusive. And it continues through into adult life – the whole thing is perpetuated, over and over. Allowing the natural qualities of tenderness and sensitivity to be nurtured and expressed breaks the cycle.
The world is paradoxical on this. It has no true discernment and awareness how damaging and abusive it portrays itself to kids. On the one hand the society makes campaigns against violence in schools for example and on the other hand the same society allows advertising for ‘toys’ where boys beat each other up.
Boys and girls are both bombarded by such mixed messages about how they need, should or ought to be in the world as they grow into men and women, no wonder there is such confusion. We need to celebrate the unique expression of each child as they grow, honouring their natural loveliness and embracing it rather than trying to change them to fit in with what we perceive is expected. Maybe we don’t want them to get hurt as we did, so toughen them up, but maybe that is what creates the hurts in the first place.
Very true, and if we help our kids to get aware and learn what actually is presented to them and how it changes their behaviour, they will be able to grow up and discern what is true for them and what isn’t.
So it starts with good parenting. That is within everybody’s span of control. Changing society might prove a bit more of a challenge. But that will also be done.
I ask myself beyond advertising how influenced are we as a society just to be able to buy what in the moment seems to be fashionable and how much the style of clothes manipulate the behaviour of girls and boys. And I agree Sonja, our society seems to be quite conteoversial in its expression.
This is very true Amelia, ‘ The power and damage this bombardment of images actually does is huge’, at my son’s pre-school, a lot of the boys used to watch t.v programs about fighting and would then literally bring this behaviour into pre-school and start fighting amongst themselves or bring magazines such as teenage ninja turtles into pre-school which were basically all about fighting, this was very strange to see and rather disturbing and shows the power that t.v and media has on children.
There is a lot more responsibility we have to take as a whole world from the truth and heart of the issue.
This is important, giving children the space to express what is happening around them. From having these conversations they then confirm what is true to them and equally confirms that which does not feel OK in the world.
I know I did not have this sort of education, I was taught what to remember. What has been shared is true education where you are presented something, you feel for yourself what is occurring and discuss to bring greater understanding that the whole evolves.. MAGIC.
Yes Katie – it is so important for children to have that space to reflect on what is happening for them. It can become a true marker in their body for what is going on around them.
I agree Katie and this is for us all. We often ‘go to the children’ first without bringing the same to ourselves. The first art of truly parenting is to bring what you are seeing to yourself first and live it prior to directing the children. So bring whatever you see to you and your way and then children will feel it before you actually speak. Children I have found very easily let go of things and move onto what is in front of them. So if you are ‘wanting’ something or ‘needing’ them to be a certain way, whatever that way looks like them it is just the same advertising they are seeing on TV. ‘We’ need to bring what we are saying with us and not just give talk about it. Children will just follow the ‘lived’ lead they have in front of them.
So true Ray, it’s our ‘lived’ lead that has more effect than any inspiring speech. Provided we are consistent in our behaviour the children will benefit and learn from being with us and we may not need to say much at all for they will pick it up from our way of being.
Yes Katie, this is super important, that children are given the space to express what is going on for them so that they feel truly met. What a different world we would live in if this were the case with every child.
True, Kristy, kids get bombarded CONSTANTLY with pictures and messages and hardly get or take the time to express what they feel with them. They sure need support with that to not take these images as normal or as how they should be and behave. And this doesn’t stop when we grow older. With the internet, smartphone, social media and all the other devices the whole world is in our face non stop. Truth, love and a true way of being however aren’t on offer a lot.
What concerns me most about this image making, Monika et al, is that children form a very young age are being encouraged to actively generate these images for themselves through many social media sites – they are no longer just being bombarded – they are bombard and then exhorted to create for themselves – one step further along the chain – and a devastating step it is.
So very true Monika. It is good to honestly observe that society is not only bombarding boys, but everybody with images, believes and ideals that don’t have anything to do with love, truth, tenderness and many other qualities we truly are. The question that remains is then: what is truly going on? And how we do break that? Observations like the one you make, are a good start.
Yes Kristy, good point – giving kids an opportunity to express what they are feeling is so supportive, for then they are less likely to “ingest these” or “to take them on” and also it trains them to be more aware of the fact that things are coming at them and know that they don’t have to take them on but can choose to say No to that energy.
I agree Kristy, allowing kids the space and support to express is paramount as it teaches them to discern and feel for themselves. Discerning and feeling how things effect us breaks the hold they have over us.
Thanks for this insight Kristy, supporting kids to express how they feel about the confusing and imposing input they receive from the world around them seems paramount to me. I know when I take the opportunity to speak with my grandson, I can feel his relief that someone is there to listen to him unemotionally and actually is interested in and non-judgmental about what he has to say.
Indeed I feel very moved by reading about such an exquisite gift that is being provided to these young people at such an early stage of their lives. This is actually a very necessary education about life, for them to deepen their connection, trust of their inner awareness and develop their ability to see through the persuasions and the manipulations that they will be bombarded with for years to come.
I agree Gina. It is never too early to start supporting children with their awareness. I remember studying an advertising unit at 16/17 years of age, I can’t imagine how much more it would have served me if I had done this at age 6 or 7!
Yes so true Gina, to teach children life skills of discerning and self awareness is the most incredible foundation as the world presents different messages on so many different subjects which is a minefield without the ability to ascertain what is true.
I feel this as well Gina, what is being taught here for children to discern energy is absolute GOLD and in accordance with what Universal Medicine teaches. This should be taught everywhere in schools.
Indeed Gina – the more tools we give our children to deal with what comes at them (like advertising, social ideas etc), the greater the chance they have of actually understanding the world and how to NOT get sucked up into the hype of it all.
I love the idea of practical subjects like this one – there sure does need to be more!
That indeed is a very extraordinary unit – these kind of things – followed by the discussions as described should be part of any primary school. Revolutionary. As they should be part of parenting.
I loved reading your observations anonymous. Universal Medicine has presented to me that men in their true expression are absolutely tender, sensitive, fragile and also caring. And in this caring role they often engage in more active endeavours than women who have more of a still, holding and nurturing expression. So it is natural for men in this caring role to feel to protect and set up communities and families to feel safe – but this innate quality has been totally bastardised in society for boys, young men and men. Instead they are encouraged to fight – the intention is to incite harm rather than calling out the harm and evil in society and presenting what is truth. When this occurs men are still caring but they are also still connected to their true essence of begin tender and sensitive. What society presents for them to be aggressors and protectors takes them so very far from who they truly are and the effects of denying their true expression has devastating effects on our relationships and societies.
It does have devastating effects on our society everywhere Gina and it is something that is heading in a direction that is getting much worse and certainly not better. The very fact that we as a society do not talk about this in and amongst our community’s shows us how normal this way of living has become. Boys and Men are deeply sensitive and need to be fully honoured and allowed to express this natural way of being without any form of rejection whatsoever.
…and is not doubt represented by the increase in domestic violence figures that keep on increasing year on year, our boys become men who hit their partners, that is so far from their true nature that it is deeply sad and something we urgently need to address.
It appears that quite a few men are becoming more and more removed from their true nature, using alcohol and drugs to support their behaviour, expressing more violence and aggressive behaviour towards family, partners and children. This is not the norm and we really need to start addressing what is going on.
Yes boys and men are very sensitive yet society has no room for this from their gender. I noticed when growing up as adolescents it was probably 50% of girls and 50% of boys partaking in alcohol and drugs yet as we got older I noticed a dramatic shift where it was more like 80% of Men compared to 20% of women partaking in drugs and alcohol. I wonder if this occurrence happens as men need an out for not being able to express their sensitivity and it all becomes too much so they use alcohol and drugs to numb the pain of having to hide even totally dismiss their sensitivity.
I guess they need all that to keep up the unnatural state they are in. It must be hard work to suppress their natural sensitivity with such harsh behaviour.
Since coming to the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have come to understand how deep the issue of rejection goes for most if not all men – as from such an early age they have not been allowed to simply be themselves. This leads to anger and frustration, which can be pent up and cause depression or be expressed in outbursts of anger and/or the violence which sadly is so common. I feel the understanding of the innate sensitivity and tenderness of boys and men needs to be spread far and wide.
Otherwise we end up dealing with it at the end of a long and painful line. Although it is never too late to deal with things at any time, why should we allow men to suffer so deeply and for so long?
Absolutely agree Josephine. I know so many young and older men who are bound up with their own anger and frustration at not being allowed to be who they are because society has dictated otherwise. the harm this does is so far reaching and has an enormous impact on the individuals and all those around them. Boys and men do have such an innate sensitivity and an essence of true tenderness and it is very sad that this gets shut down at such an early age. Many men who are students of Universal Medicine are breaking down these old ideals and beliefs and we have a beautiful, tender and deeply sensitive group of men emerging who are willing to speak up for the truth and are leading the way forward for others to be inspired by.
Very true, Josephine men are very tender and do suffer from rejection from an early age. The anger and frustration or depression and withdrawal that they may then express with are a diversion from the truth of what was being felt, as being tender and expressing hurts are not accepted as normal for men. When boys grow into men from this hurt, violence could have become their norm in expression, and how much of that is then used to hurt women and the world? How would this widen the rift of inequality between the genders? Sympathy or condoning of abuse towards men then keeps everyone imprisoned in a state of who we are not, and the whole world has made what is not normal, normal.
I could not agree more Adele, what you have so well described is an unspoken blight on our society.
Here, here Bernard.
Yes it was not until coming to the presentations of Serge Benhayon that I have come to understand and appreciate how the fear of rejection has been such a motivational and driving force behind my actions throughout my life. It has been a huge revelation and release to let go of the huge anchor-chain it was.
I appreciate the love in what you have said Rachel and Adele, it’s beautifully expressed with immense compassion for men . Why indeed should we allow men to suffer so deeply and for so long?
I cannot even conceptualise how devastating it would be to be rejected for being sensitive…it’s an unspoken crime and is, simply, abusive – an abuse we have collectively allowed to be for a very long time.
That understanding is such a key factor Josephine, I have experienced anger and frustration myself and seen it in many other men I know, it is amazing to link this to the root cause and understand that this behaviour is just a response to the unnatural environment we have created that hasn’t allowed men to be who they are, which is naturally very sensitive, gentle and tender. What is needed is more men who start to express this and offer this to the world, an antidote to the macho guff that surrounds us all every day.
Absolutely agree, I know many men who were not really allowed to be themselves when they where kids, that has lead to anger and frustration. I personally have seen some of these outburst due to pent up frustration. These men are very naturally sensitive and tender, but they have these outburst. What I have found supported them was to openly express how they are feeling, why the frustration and built up or anger. Nearly all of them shared it back to childhood experience where they were not allowed to express.
Absolutely Rachel and Adele, very true and sad.
I agree Josephine, feeling my rejection nearly paralyses me. My heart sinks and I feel like I fall to the ground even though I am still standing. Before attending Universal Medicine I would of protected my rejection with everything I had. Now I’m more open and allowing my sensitivity to be, this is there to feel and become aware of, and choices need to be more loving and not in anger or frustration.
That is so beautiful and sweet Rachel “Although it is never too late to deal with things at any time, why should we allow men to suffer so deeply and for so long?”. If I was always deeply understood, from a man or a woman, like you just expressed there is no way I would hide what I feel. In fact i’m going to give myself all the permission in the world to feel this.. thank you for touching me so deeply..
I agree wholeheartedly Josephine, with what you say here, the need for us to more understand the innate sensitivity and tenderness of boys and men, and to support and encourage them to come back to this natural way.
It is indeed deeply sad to see a boy become a man who is in the throws of suffering so much from his lack of connection to who is truly is, that he can abuse a woman or anyone in even the smallest of ways.
The set up for boys to become a man is so ridiculous wrong. It is sad to see the abuse, yes it is actually an abuse, to train a boy to be someone who he is not, but to fit into the system. Nothing less than breeding dogs to be proud for the successful training at the end for mastering becoming the opposite who he truly is. Men are sensitive just as women. How wrong is all this.
It’s true Sara, they know connection, they know tenderness and what is a loving way to treat another person yet the reflection some young boys receive does not show reward for that behaviour, in fact it gets them bullied and worse still beaten up.
As well as the increasing incidence of male perpetrators in relation to domestic violence etc, we are also seeing an incidence in females becoming harder, tougher and more aggressive , so is it not that we all have a responsibility to connect to the tenderness that we all naturally are? It is definitely something we as a community need to address.
True Angela, once we connect with our own tenderness and fragility it helps others do so too. This will also reduce the need for men to act tough to impress women or other men for in actual fact they are all sensitive and capable of great tenderness as witnessed in the sweetness of the little boy before he is conditioned to act like a man.
“Boys and Men are deeply sensitive and need to be fully honoured and allowed to express this natural way of being without any form of rejection whatsoever”. That is beautiful Amina and very much needed.
I agree Katinka and Amina – honouring the sensitivity and tenderness of the men around us is hugely empowering, and we need to see this as such. Likewise as it is for ourselves as women.
I feel reaffirming that sensitivity and tenderness is true strength is a relearning our society could do with, men would greatly benefit from fully knowing this truth.
I absolutley agree Katinka and Amina. Boys and men are deeply sensitive and we do need to honour this in them with no judgement, whatever the circumstances. I know I have judged many men in the past, but as I learn to let go of my own hurts am much more able to be understanding and accepting of where they are, so judgement and rejection lessens and true relationships are abel to flourish.
I agree Katinka, the more we see each other as deeply sensitive, loving and caring beings and so treat each other from this place the more we will naturally be ourselves. Otherwise we teach our children they have to be tough and harden up to get through life rather than staying with their sweet, exquisite tenderness.
I agree. This is so needed as boys start out so tender. Just yesterday my daughter asked me why men don’t share their feelings or cry when they are sad. The truth is society has shut them down from this connection, from expressing what they feel and making it something that they shouldn’t do. Very sad really.
I agree johanna08′ it is not something that is encouraged. I deeply appreciate my children asking me these questions as it reminds me to question what I have taken as normal.
Yes, boys do start out with such tenderness but it very quickly gets closed off from a very early age. There is such an expectation that boys should grow up to be tough and capable of all things ‘manly’, which is a sad indictment on our society. I have seen it time and time again in young boys, putting on a brave face so as not to be shown up by their peers (or parents), when actually what they really want is to feel deeply loved and show their innate tenderness. And we all have a responsibility for allowing this to happen, men and women alike.
What you have shared Mary is so true. So simple, yet, we can over complicate this aspect so very much. We think that when we distract, go for a run, go to the gym, drink, eat naughty foods etc that this will make us feel better. But it does not. Being able to feel what is there, not run away from the issue or problem, is what one needs to do to truly heal. And yes, how do you know when it is gone, you definitely do feel lighter, more joyful and open to new possibilities and people.
I understand this man Mary, as there was a time when I would try to cover up how I was really feeling so people wouldn’t see I wasn’t coping. How lovely it is though when we can just be as we are and it’s amazing how much support is there once we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. This allows for an open space instead of the closed wall that we put up when we pretend everything is okay.
Yes – that rejection and the fear of it is what keeps so may men and boys from expressing their innate sensitivity. Simply ridding ourselves of the tendency to reject this would tremendously support men in being their natural selves.
Yes Amina, good to call out that these devestating effects are getting worse. What is supposed to be man-like behaviours is getting sicker and sicker. One area where you can clearly observe that is in the way men and boys are supposed to treat women. The extreme forms you see on the internet and social media, where there doesn’t seem to be a limit on what you can do or say.
Well said Willem, everywhere in the internet are ways for boys and men to proof themselves and to compete with another. It feels very devastating to overwrite the sensitiveness on costs of the body. The rates for testicle cancer are growing and I can see a link between the depressed sensitive fragile side of a men that is not wanted and not lived in our modern times.
I totally agree Monika that it is devastating indeed and that is why illness and disease are sky-rocketing at alarming rates and suicides occurring within younger and younger generations. It’s beautiful to see a man embodying his playful and tender qualities, all boys have a right to not ever lose this because of what society bombards us with.
Great point Willem. The extremes now being seen online have gone to another level. Some boys are growing up in this online world, surrounded by it 24/7 and therefore thinking it is normal. Having men choose to be otherwise, and allowing themselves to express their deep sensitivity and love is a very powerful message in today’s world.
I agree Amina, devastating is the word, the rates of suicide among young men and the issues with body image, eating disorders and domestic violence all point to a society that is not working for many many young men. It is easy to feel the hardness in men as we are conditioned to toughen up and take life on the chin, yet also ridiculed for expressing among peers and showing any gentler characteristics. The whole charade is such a nonsensical game where nobody wins. The question we need to ask is why we don’t want men to open up and express tenderly, for if we did create space for that our societies would be utterly transformed.
Totally agree Stephen. I get the sense that people feel threatened by the possibility that men are just as sensitive and gentle as women with societal expectations strongly encouraging the continuation of the existing divisions between the sexes. Yet it is exquisite when I meet men who aren’t afraid to show their tender side to others. Why on earth would we want men to hide this away or see it as a flaw??
Exactly Helen, I love it when men show their tenderness and I appreciate this in men and boys. It is very beautiful to see and to feel and this allows me to be the tender and fragile women I am, too.
Hello Helen, we have created a world that has changed the meaning of words over time and continues to do so. So when you hear words like ‘sensitive’ and ‘gentle’ you immediately see this as a weakness. Then you couple this by telling or men thinking they need to be ‘strong’, you have men walking or avoiding anything that even smells like a weakness. Many men are showing the strength in sensitivity and vulnerability and it is a strength beyond anything we see in this world. These men don’t need to leap tall buildings as they have nothing to prove because they are everything before they even step out of bed.
It is indeed exquisite when I meet a man who is being tender and caring and not afraid to hide his sensitivity and vulnerability. When I have witnessed a man cry in the past, I would feel extremely uncomfortable even harden my body for it was not something I was used to. Today I am always in awe and find it incredibly healing and inspiring when I see a man cry for I know the changes that are taking place within his body and the impact of the release is having is huge.
You have worded that really well Stephen and you have really nailed it with the conundrum that is crushing men leaving them bewildered to what it is that is being asked of them..be tough, be rough, but be sensitive when we want it, but not a wuss…there is very little in this world that shows a true role model for a man and it takes a whole heap of courage to turn around and start expressing the true tender en sensitive man. I applaud all that do and it would be a whole lot simpeler if we, the adults now, would accept our boys for who they are so they can grow up being just that, who they innately are.
Beautifully said Carolien. I 100% agree.
I had both a son and a daughter and I was always amazed at how gentle and affectionate my son was and is. Men and boys express tenderness in such a beautiful way and it is a blessing to feel this coming from a man.
Stephen, I can so relate to what you have written here, ‘It is easy to feel the hardness in men as we are conditioned to toughen up and take life on the chin, yet also ridiculed for expressing among peers and showing any gentler characteristics.’ I work in a primary school and notice how sweet and naturally gentle the younger boys are, but as the boys grow older the behaviour becomes more hard and tough, it seems that this is what is expected of them, the one’s that remain sensitive and gentle are often picked on, there is so much pressure on them – it’s so crazy and i can see how the ‘maning up’ and ‘toughening up’ starts at this young age and carries on probably even more intensely into adulthood.
Yes Rebecca, it is a crazy situation we have created, such pressure to be hard and not show any vulnerability. Yet feeling vulnerable as a man is actually quite an exquisite feeling. It is hard to write the words delicate and sensitive in relation to being a man as it exposes what is often felt to be a weakness. But if we can get over that feeling then the rewards are there as we are no longer held imprisoned by the idea that we have to act a certain way.
Well said, it would be utterly transformed. I definitely want to be there for that!
Stephen this is a good question: ” why we don’t want men to open up and express tenderly”? I sense that we women are playing a part here – do we want the ‘knight on the white charger’ to ‘save’ us? Do we feel safer if we feel that the man is strong and able to fight? If we women were able to honour a man’s sensitivity it would support him to allow that in himself and there would be less pressure on him to prove himself as a man. But in order to do that we need to live that way ourselves by reconnecting with our true inner strength which allows ourselves to be as we are and not try to be a certain someone for anyone else.
This is so needed, as you say Amina, boy and men are deeply sensitive, and this is what I appreciate and connect to when I am with men and boys. They are sweet and delicate, just not allowing this side to be seen, because society sees this side as a weakness. But it is so the opposite to weak, I see a man in his fragility and natural sensitiveness as very beautiful and powerful.
Yes Amina, and this honouring is something that needs to be brought right back to when our children are young, so that we are encouraging and supporting this tenderness and sensitivity instead of telling them (indirectly or directly) that they should hide, avoid, bury or deny these qualities, and who they truly are.
It is not just boys who get an image of what men should be, girls and women begin to fit boys and men into this picture too. Before coming to Universal Medicine I had a very different picture of what I thought a man should be. Whilst looking back it definitely wasn’t true and I knew it, I was subscribing to the dictates of society when it came to how I thought a man should be. Tough, strong, able to fix anything… and whilst I secretly loved the qualities of tenderness, care and delicateness in a man I thought they were not to be shown too much. Glad I dumped that picture!
Hey Nikki, glad I ‘dumped that picture’ too. if we as woman hold a picture of what we think men should be like we hold them to it and it affects their behaviour unless they are able, as are many students of Universal Medicine, to openly express their sensitivity and love. And that then confirms that our picture was wrong. It just goes to show that whenever any of us are being truly who we are, we support others to see what is false and let go of it.
This is so true and it only takes one person to step into their glory and the ripple effect it has is ginormous. I am beginning to get a sense of the responsibility this entails, a responsibility in leading the way and offering another way to be and live.
I can relate to this Nikki. I did not want my boys too “different” so could feel the pull to encourage them to conform to the “normal” which was tough, strong, brave etc. Fortunately I could feel that this was not the way and did not go too far down this track but the pressure is certainly on to bury all sensitivity. I remember a relative saying to my teenage son prior to going to university that he had better start drinking alcohol so he could get used to it, implying that he would need to be this to manage at university!
Great call Nikki, I remember not wanting to date a guy because he had red hair? And yet I can see how beautiful red hair actually is and this would never get in the way of my choice or appreciation of another. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have been a godsend and one that I will forever appreciate.
Yes, it does require honesty as a woman to ‘fess’ up to having contributed to the limiting and debilitating prison of ideals and expectations placed on men. And I am very thankful to Universal Medicine for showing me that this picture of men couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Yes Stevie, I have purposely fed these ideals and beliefs knowing the truth yet I have not wanted or even been willing to see the sensitivity and tenderness in men because it made me feel very uncomfortable. Thanks to Universal Medicine I have begun to open up to men and see them for who they truly are.
The more I accept and appreciate my sensitivity, tenderness and delicateness within me, the more I can say ‘Yes’ to these qualities being expressed in a man.
I can share as a man, that after living up to ideals what a man should be, it still feels strange to live being tender and loving all the time, as much as possible. It feels so simple, but it also is very new. Though I know these qualities are my true nature! These images and ideals felt so normal, until you really start feeling into them.
Yes me too. And I had also taken on a notion that men were not truly capable of love – it was only women that truly loved. Men could just have their pick of who they wanted. So. not. true. but what I had somewhere along the line picked up and it was playing out with me. One of the (many) highlights of being a student of Universal Medicine is watching the men students, reclaim their divine, tender and loving nature. It is very sexy.
We have all fed the picture of the ideal man, but the beautiful aspect of that is that we can all starve it too! I have had a strong sense of wanting a man to take care of me, provide for me, keep the wolves of life at bay…oh, just recognising and writing this is as painful as it is liberating.
The images we subscribe to poison the holder as much as the person we impose them on.
So true Rachel, we have equally been fed these ideal ‘pictures’ and it causes divide between us. It is a great exercise to look at what we have unconsciously accepted that has no basis in truth.
True Nikki. Honestly before coming to Universal Medicine I had many pictures of what every type of person should be because that was what was bring reflected. At this point I knew it didn’t feel true as a whole but when I saw, mostly felt the true reflection of Serge Benhayon and many others- I went ahhh this is it. My body actually said yes.
Yes Johanna, getting to know Serge Benhayon has made a shift in my body as well. He has a totally loving and tender way to be with himself which I never saw in any man before. This changed my image concerning men, men do not need to be rough and hard, they are in truth deeply tender and sensitive people.
Awesome points Gina, from my experience of young boys in my teaching in early childhood these types of pressures begin for boys very early. I love what both you and anonymous have presented, it is compelling reading and highlights to me the fact that we need to honour the true qualities that boys innately have rather than continue as a society to impose these false ideals upon them.
I totally agree with what you are saying here Gina. It wasn’t so long ago that 3 very gorgeous men helped to push my car which had got stuck in some mud. Their tender caring in physical action made me feel very held and incredibly supported. It was a lovely thing to have experienced. I totally adore men for what they bring – this awesome caring is too gorgeous for words.
So often we get hurt and carry the scars which mean we end up blaming others for the pain we carry. This can then impact on so many unrelated relationships.
Beautifully expressed Gina. I am loving seeing men embrace their tenderness and sensitivity. Being of an older generation I now see the pressure that men were under to hide their sensitivity then – it feels like it was even more so than now.
I agree – it is so gorgeous to see men embrace their tenderness and sensitivity. It takes away the comparison with men and women when we can appreciate what we bring in this way.
Gina, I love how you described the natural expression of men to take care and protect their families and communities. And it is very true that without the possibility to connect to their true and tender essence, this natural expression is bastardized to fighting modus. To allow and support boys in their natural and tender expression, we as a society have to speak up and encourage our adult men to start this process too.
Yes Gina, you only have to see the number of cases of men suffering from PTST to see that these were sensitive men going into battle probably not even with the conscious realisation that they would have to kill a man. This is a good point you make that we encourage them to fight “to incite harm rather than calling out the harm and evil in society and presenting what is truth.” Were we all to focus on calling out the harm and evil we would expose the futility of war, rather than firing up nationalistic passion which magnifies the belief in harm being done to us and therefore produces the need to protect at all costs.
The point made here is a huge one and exposes how deeply we have got things wrong as a global group. Coming from love to expose evil rather than to create it from separation is achievable as is being demonstrated by many.
Great observations Gina. This is just another example where society has bastardized the role of men. The same goes for women of course. You beautifully outline what the true role of man is ! Love that.
I love the difference you have highlighted Gina, the way boys are raised to combat evil, instead of calling out evil. That’s a great observation of the behaviours that destabilises the true expression of a boy and overrides their sensitivities and tenderness that says it’s not ok to be who you are naturally.
I agree – can you imagine a generation brought up to speak up against evil and call out abuse
That is very well summed up Gina, how we train men from being naturally caring and tender to becoming protective and aggressive. If all men would acknowledge their tenderness and sensitivity there would be no men left wanting to go to war and that would be that chapter closed for ever.
Yes this has also been my experience. I know baby boys are just as tender and loving and baby girls, there is no difference. What I do notice is that men find it especially important to establish some sort of male way of relating to their sons, that is very different to how they relate to daughters. When a 2 year old boy cries, they tend to say ” man up!” Yet a 2 year old girl who cries gets a very different response. I often see men immediately deciding that the newborn son will be a ” Collingwood supporter” etc, without even considering if the son is keen on football or is alarmed by the rough and tumble of the game. I do feel boys are imposed upon from a very early age, to be competitive and to be tough. This is to their great detriment, with men’s depression and suicide rates escalating, we have to be prepared to see we got somethjng very wrong with how men have to be in society.
What an amazing opportunity we have to change a mainstream view of how society should be. By presenting what is going on, and what is not true, then we have a marker to make a difference. I agree that boys face extreme amounts of pressure to be men and blokes before they are tender, sensitive people who are naturally very caring.
To debase these ideals is to provide boys of the future with a foundation of love rather than of expectation. What an amazing and much needed change this would bring. Then perhaps what is considered normal will be challenged to its core.
Thank you Gina. Through Universal Medicine, I have also experienced how men in their true expression are tender, sensitive, fragile and caring. It is true that society does take men far from who they truly are by painting a false picture of what it means to be a man.
A great call out Gina of the bastardisation of the natural quality of boys and men to be caring and protective. How did care and tenderness become aggression and violence? Why have we allowed that to happen as a society? We would indeed be much better off when we encouraged boys and men to call out what they know to be harmful and evil rather than fight it.
I agree Gina, men and women have different expressions, not more or less than another, but equally needed. And when a mans natural expression is prevented from expressing and bastardised by society, everyone losses and misses out on what they can bring.
I certainly agree with you Gina. I remember how innately sensitive I was as a little boy. So much physical, emotional and pschological abuse went on in my home and in my family. One situation that stands out for me was when I was around 8 years old I remember standing in my parents bedroom with my dad telling me if anyone at school was bullying me to punch them in the nose. I know he loved me with all he had and this is probably how he was brought up…
I ended up carrying out this act and lost respect with a good friend. It did not make me feel good at all. I’m thankful to Universal Medicine for getting me in touch with my sensitivity again.