A class I recently taught was studying an English unit on Advertising, which looked at advertising of products for children.
I enjoy teaching advertising units because I find the children love learning about how words, images, colour and sounds can be used to influence their choices in food, toys and clothing. They find it empowering so I find it worthwhile. The study of advertising often highlights gender differences in the imagery presented to our children and so indicates how we differ in the way we raise our boys and our girls.
We had a great time discovering the influence of static ads and we had just moved onto online, multimedia ads, where the addition of sound effects and music lend considerable extra weight to the impact of advertisements.
Our first ad was a multi-media presentation by a well-known building block manufacturer, targetting mainly boys. The ad started out with very loud booming sounds and then proceeded with ‘the man with the very deep voice’ exhorting viewers to engage in a hero-like fashion in the narrative constructed around the product.
The change that came over the beautifully tender, sensitive little boys at this point was extreme. All, bar two of them, just about jumped out of their seats; they were agitated and their eyes became surreally bright. They began to converse animatedly with each other while the girls and I looked on, baffled by what was happening.
Seeing these beautifully tender little boys so agitated and so thoroughly changed in their demeanor, I could not continue with the lesson.
I decided to take a moment so that we could look at what had happened.
The boys re-seated themselves and I asked them what had happened for them during the ad. They were confused and so the girls shared what they had seen happening for the boys, noting that only one girl in the class had been similarly affected.
The boys then explained that they had become so animated because they have to fight evil and that evil is the enemy, the bad people and the dark forces. They agreed with each other that this is a ‘man’s job’, hence why the girls remained unaffected. Moreover, ‘everyone knows’ that this is the way it is, they explained.
I was incredulous at the depth of their feeling. I have been aware for many years that girls and boys are socialized in different ways and consequently, display different behaviours. I had no idea that one online ad for a toy could trigger such agitated behaviour and such incredibly, deeply held convictions as the ones I witnessed during that lesson.
Would it not be wise for us, as a society, to consider what is happening here?
Are we raising our boys to lose their innate sensitivity and tenderness at an early age?
Are we encouraging them to assume ‘manly traits’ like ‘fighting the enemy’ and ‘fighting evil’ and to respond on automatic pilot to situations that require the development and expression of these traits?
Would it be wiser to allow our boys to unfold their innate sensitivity at a completely natural pace?
Observing how these primary age children became so agitated when their beliefs were triggered, confirmed to me the logic, compassion and wisdom of looking more deeply at what is going on.
Like many schools, we are periodically visited by Legacy volunteers, who are often former serving personnel from the Armed Forces. Again, I have often been struck by the loveliness and genuine intention of these men to serve and protect their country. I have noticed how, even in retirement, they continue to serve as volunteers for Legacy, to provide financial and emotional support for the families of fallen comrades. As I observe these usually gentle men addressing our students, I often contemplate the beliefs they might have been raised under as boys. Did they feel they had to ‘fight the enemy’ at an early age because that’s what men do? Did anyone value their tenderness and encourage them to honour their sensitivity? What life path would they have chosen had this been so?
How much do we restrict the choices of our boys, and our men, by these recurring themes and patterns of fighting the enemy and evil?
How can we allow these beliefs about what it is to be a man to shut down their sensitive awareness at such a young age? How many men and boys perceive themselves to be warriors against evil, defenders of home and hearth?
Don’t we need to take a moment and consider how we are raising our boys and are we imposing on them and our men?
Further Reading:
Raising Boys
Men – Are We Set Up to Fail?
Good Parenting Skills
Stitched Up
876 Comments
It really does go to show how every aspect of our society, our current culture is geared up to pull men out of honouring their tenderness, it is constant bombardment of imagery of what a ‘man’ is meant to be, starting from a very young age. And so, this also highlights just how imperative it is for us, at every opportunity, to meet and confirm the tenderness within man and young boy, and that the power of who they are requires no fight but rather an allowing of who they are in essence to naturally be.
And in that we feel the true power of a man in his tenderness which also supports a woman to surrender to her sacredness. Could it also be that we impose on men to be tough, fight, be rough and hard so not to highlight and expose our true responsibility in the world?
We have to impose on boys. Otherwise they remain sensitive.
I would say with our current model of raising children we are in imposing on not just boys but also girls. our children are not allowed to be themselves.
If we continue down this same path we will only see more when these children meet adulthood more dissatisfaction, more ill mental health and more disharmony in relationships.
Just being and breathing us, communicates so much steadiness, wisdom and Love. There’s actually not much more we need to do to bring the beauty of the universe through. All the ideas and beliefs we have are just effective barricades to truth.
When we look at the boy in the photo above we cannot help but feel how utterly corrupt it is to not honour the sensitivity of men.
We honour the sensitivity of babies, boys and girls, so why and when do we feel to stop honouring their innate sensitivity when we know they are still sensitive?
The thing that gets me about advertising, is how they are often deliberately set up to hook children with their imposing energy, and yet, the people who work in advertising are just normal people, like you and me, and many of them I am sure have children of their own, are working to pay their bills and to live life as best they can. This to me does not show the mastermind workings of a devious industry, but rather a propensity on all our parts to ignore what is clearly not right or true in favour of what is comfortable and accepted.
I really appreciate this comment Shami because it shows how there must be more at play than meets the eye because otherwise, why would men in advertising promote that model???? Women work in advertising as well and do the same thing to women – so the big question is why?! (there are not enough ! or ? to express the level of confusion at the illogical nature of our behaviour!)
It is illogical when we take a step back and see the bigger picture at how ignoring an industry affects us all, but in the name of comfort and in the name of making a living we let slip what we should not.
Reading this blog sparked such a chord in me. I loved the space you held them in Anonymous. What a difference it made to express and nominate the truth of what was going on with themselves. Is it not honourable then, like Anonymous was, to be connected to your inner-stillness within and hold that to be you — knowing that is you before you connect to others. Connecting from this space allows another to be in that space also. This principle is the basis of all healing and proves the fact we either are connected or not, we either heal or harm — there is no in-between.
The greatest lessons are learnt in life when we see things next to pure love. A child is great like this as they are so obviously full of it and show so clearly when other energies come in. Let us let ourselves be more like this, to shine bright and have our dalliances exposed.
The words “be a man, ” conjures up a rough tough type of man, one that can battle the elements, plough through to the end, a far cry from who men truly are, sensitive, tender human beings, who are not afraid to show their true feelings, what a disservice we do to our young boys when these qualities are shunned and ridiculed, instead of being encouraged and nurtured.
We currently live in a poisonous soup of beliefs and ideals, all designed to distract from the truth. As long as we accept these false pictures as normal and ok we’ll miss out on the true gorgeousness that lives beneath.
This question is very important to ask: it is something we do not look at willingly in society, as mothers; as parents…”Are we raising our boys to lose their innate sensitivity and tenderness at an early age?” But why do we not look at it? It is obvious that we attempt to harden and toughen up our boys as they grow up – what purpose could it possibly serve? It is so important that as boys or girls we hold our sensitivity, care and gentleness.
I would love for us as a society to really unpack this more and look more at the ‘ideals and pictures’ that are fed to boys. To start to not just uncover it but to start to deconstruct this and find a true representation and role models that show the true qualities a boy holds.
I love how you are bringing awareness to the classroom in this way and that the children are finding empowerment in these simple exercises.
Yes, I agree, it is really great to bring this level of awareness and understanding to these children while at school.
My whole life I have been an advocate for men’s rights. I always thought that men weren’t treated fairly and sympathised deeply with the fact that men are not allowed to cry in our society. But the truth of the matter is, I have actually held the idea that men are to be the saviours of women as a value for my life to date and regardless of how much I preach about men’s rights, if I do not hold that understanding for myself I too am contributing to this stigma.
This article puts forward one of the deeply held beliefs that are used by our world to mould a boy to a man. If we take a moment to truly deeply feel the many other beliefs that are used alongside what is shared here it becomes very deeply sad to realize just how much effort has been put into destroying the true tender essence of men.
A man can be very tough and do what is necessary while keeping their sensitivity. Perhaps it is easier to control men when they have buried their sensitivity.
The fact that the producer of the ad knew how to make the ad to engender such an animated response, knowing this would push the children to ask their parents for the product shows, very clearly that this belief to protect is very deeply set in our belief systems, for both boys and girls. For while boys ‘do’ the protecting, girls expect to be protected. We need to look very seriously at what we encourage in our children. For each side of the coin prevents the true tender essence of both genders to be lived and strengthened in the process of growing up and living as vital, responsible, tender, solid and loving adults.
There are so many messages that boys get that are very forceful in the way they are designed to get boys to harden and deny their sensitivity. It is then not surprising that in our modern world mental health issues are escalating.
One of the worst things that we can do to men is deny their sensitivity. I literally watch men come alive within themselves when their sensitivity is allowed and cherished.
Yes, and they are great fun to be around then.
These restriction happen before they arrive. There are so many ideals and beliefs shared in the pregnancy stage.
Fighting the ‘enemy’ is fighting ourselves. What a game it is that we are tricked into thinking we are doing ‘good’ when we are simply perpetuating lies. To truly counter balance the dark forces these boys mention, all they need do is claim their Love for themselves and honour the beauty and preciousness they naturally have inside. This is like a dagger to the heart of jealousy, aggression and comparison.
We impose on both boys and girls when we don’t allow them to be who they truly are, and fuel them with false ideals and beliefs instead. We haven’t yet begun to feel not only the imposition this brings but also the abuse that comes with it.
As you say… Fascinating and incredibly revealing the reaction of the small boys to the advertising… And there is advertising everywhere… Every time we Google, Facebook, walk down the main street, it’s there all the time… How on earth you may ask is it possible for us to be who we truly are with such an onslaught of information and manipulation… Thank God for the Ancient Wisdom
This is a deeply needed article, our world is suffering, gravely so, due to the expectations, ideals and beliefs that are imposed upon our boys.
Can the tender boy listening to the booming voice withstand the pressure and if so, for how long?
This is the first time I’ve read this blog – and it’s stunning. You go a long way Anonymous towards showing how deeply laced our society is with these ideals and beliefs that keep us away from our essence. It’s time we stripped it all back and renounced these corruptions for the abuse that they are. Beautiful the way you helped these children feel the truth with their body.
I was recently observing what effects the media and advertising have on me. Living in a city there are many images being imposed on us daily in shop fronts, the massive digital and static billboards as well as on each bus stop. What I always get coming at me is the sex objectification of women. I never see what the true power of a women is in her stillness and nurturing ways. What is worse is actually seeing women dressed in this sexual way. My eyes are open to more and more of this, and I know they are images trying to take me away from my true feelings and attracting me to fantasize.
So many pictures we have, ideals and beliefs that we have grown up with….it is a great exercise to stop and consider how many of these may be running us. We have to free ourselves if we are to be free of imposing on our children and others. What a revealing exercise your insight inspired. Thank you for sharing.
The boy in the photo attached to this blog looks and feels so tender, sweet and gorgeous that it is obvious that treating this boy or any boy in fact as less than that would be and is abuse.
Yes that is a great question: do we raise our boys/men to become harsh and protected, fixed by ideals and beliefs, no longer trusting on their feelings but on images and expectations? Or do we choose another way : one of love and tenderness in its very practical but connected way? These are questions we need to ask.. Right now!
I worked in advertising, and I was very aware that the way we were communicating with men was way off. We take into advertising the insights of society, take them to the extreme and use it to sell things back to people. So how we have set up the world – to have gender differences and stereotypes, is amplified in advertising. It certainly is a point of reflection to ask what it is we are encouraging.
A revealing example of where children show us the harm imposed on them by stereotyping boys as needing to be tough and warriors to ‘fight the enemy’ .
Super cool that you were able to have the discussion with all the children and the girls were able to feed back what they had observed and the boys had the opportunity to explore the beliefs that they have taken on about the role that they are supposed to play in society. It is only when these evolutionary conversations become more common place that we will start to expose what is really going on in our society and just how much we are imposing on all children.
Great exposure of how manipulated we can be by advertising at any age and how awesome for the girls that they were able to witness the transformation and then discuss it afterwards.
Yes this is true education, learning from interacting and being in relationship with one another.
I love the fact that you had the girls express what they could see or feel happening to the boys in their class after watching the video. This must have been very empowering for them – an experience that will stay with them forever.
This is like a mini science experiment. It would appear that boys do not naturally like the type of advertising that is directed at them and it definitely showed that it does not foster their gentle natures.
Wow, these beliefs run very deep. In order for this to not take hold in the way that you describe we need more people who are aware of what happens when boys get taken over like this. The fact that you stopped everything and sat and talked about it is pure gold. Raising awareness around something that most people overlook is so important. Otherwise the energy and the boys are left to run wild.
It is terrible to consider the belief that men have to defend us, they have to fight and bring justice from evil. Not all men have that bent, not all men feel that pull. The world wars are a great example of how men were forced to do it and the toll it took on their mental and physical health. Some joined under-age because they thought it was their duty and didn’t want to be left behind but the reality was too much, they deserted, were found and shot. All before they should have been legally allowed to be there. I don’t believe those who were legally allowed are any different, they just learnt to hide it a little better – some of them anyway. We have to change our propensity for war, not change our men to be able to fight better.
No wonder we have higher suicide rates in men, men are basically told to suppress there female side as soon as they are born.
What struck me while reading this was the quality of conversation you had with the children. Allowing them to share their insights and feelings rather than talking at them. I am blown away when I have these types of conversations with children. They know far more than adults give them credit for.
Wow – what an incredible lesson and experiment. Boys are asked to leave their tender qualities behind and we then wonder why there are huge rates of male violence etc.