Who would have thought that relationships and their ripples would have such a profound impact on life, everywhere?
Relationships present an opportunity to evolve in one’s own relationship, along with all others equally, as it is the consistency and willingness to keep going deeper with oneself and others that keeps us evolving. It’s our relationship with self-love, and the level of care with which we handle ourselves and move our bodies, that allows us to naturally be this way with others without the need to try.
Some may say they have forgotten how to be in a relationship, especially if they have not had a partner for a while, but actually from my own experience we are always in relationships, not only romantic relationships. What matters is how we treat, care for and respect ourselves, as this is what we are then able to bring to all our relationships with others.
It was not until I brought my attention inwards to self-reflect that I really started to get a sense of what this is all about. My life consisted of focussing on my work first and foremost, and so long as I was able to fit in everything I had to do, along with the ‘to do’ list I always had with me, then I was managing life. But because I was so exhausted there was a limit to the depth of quality I could bring to all areas of my life. So clearly things needed to change.
Having lived a busy, hectic life with work, I started to create quiet time – ‘down time’ I called it – that helped me to stop and really consider that the way I had been with myself was not what it could be.
I decided to make my life simpler by making choices to go to bed early, wake up early, eat healthily, rest, swim, all with the awareness that I needed to be more gentle with myself.
After building a relationship with myself in this way, I started to realise that being in relationships is not as one might think, nor what one might be initially open to.
And so to the ripple effects…
Take for example: you wake up in the morning and you are still carrying something unresolved from the night before and maybe even the night before that. How do you think or feel your movements will be with yourself while you get ready in the morning? Possibly anxious, angry, sad, confused, unsure, disturbed, out of sorts etc…?
So what about if you live with another, how would you be with them at this time? More than likely the same, or trying to hide that this is going on, or you may feel the need to release it on to them.
What are the ripple effects of your chosen movements on this particular morning? Most people would naturally pick up on how you’re being and moving, and from there they would try and help you, take it on, try and avoid you etc…
I have experienced being on the receiving end of this, but I have also been the one acting in this way. What I have observed are the ripples that this has on my day and then on all those around me – whether I have received it or created it, the results are the same.
So let’s turn this around: what would the day look like if we started free of all these emotions, and instead were full of joy? Would we enjoy getting ready and spending more time on ourselves perhaps, preparing for the day to come, enjoying connecting to whomever we see in our day?
This is now becoming my normal way of living. I start full of energy, wanting to get stuck into my day, loving getting ready, while really enjoying connecting with myself and others before leaving for a full day’s work that feels effortless and easy, making me feel like I can handle anything thrown at me.
The ripple effect here allows others to do the same, by showering an energy that reflects to them a different way of being that can inspire them to let go of negative thoughts and emotions. Children can often be seen to respond to this rejuvenating way of being. We all can feel that the energy in a whole room can change as the positive ripples are felt, so why would we not choose this way of living?
Changing ill behaviours into loving, respectful and harmonious ones can be challenging, especially if we are not willing to see that some, if not all of our behaviours, are in fact creating a ripple effect on our own lives and on society.
We need to create stop moments in our day to really consider how we are truly living on a moment to moment basis and the effect that this has. If someone had sat me down and told me that by being a certain way we create a different ripple effect, I would not have understood, and most probably would not have seen the importance of being responsible in all my relationships.
The willingness to see how we live and the commitment to consistently be honest does create ripples in our relationships. After starting to establish a certain quality, i.e. living with a deeper level of self-worth, respect and gentleness with myself, I have then been able to bring those qualities to all others and begin to build more intimate relationships all round.
By Amina Tumi, 36 yrs, Hair & Beauty Salon Owner
Further Reading:
Leaving Things to the Last Minute
Starting With Self-Care – Service in the Hospitality Industry
Understanding in relationships – how judgement contributes to abuse
549 Comments
I had a situation recently where my body was asking for rest, I felt slightly under par. As always I had so much to do and I could have pushed past this communication from my body but I didn’t. I made the decision to rest longer in bed and to take the day off at an easy pace and I felt the need to just soak in the bath. And interestingly it was the bath that supported me to rest deeply. I added in the salts and bath foam and lay in a deep bath of hot water for ages in the semi dark. This ‘down time’ as you call it Amina was just what my body was calling for. As the next day I was back up to full strength firing on all cylinders. If we listen to our bodies and what they are communicating to us and work with them rather than against them then I feel we will lead healthier lives as we won’t need stimulants to get through to the end of the day.
‘but actually from my own experience we are always in relationships, not only romantic relationships. What matters is how we treat, care for and respect ourselves, as this is what we are then able to bring to all our relationships with others’ Absolutely. I love how the more I surrender to the love within the more open and all my relationships across the board are the same. There is a consistency with love that is so beautifull when we allow it.
The ripple effects of how we are choosing to live are felt by others and if they are inspired to be more aware of how they are living then the ripples are magnified.
Our relationships with others are an opportunity to evolve our relationship with ourselves which then changes how we are with others. I can relate to this as many a time I have learnt about myself from the many relationships in my life.
Something very wise to ponder on, do we wake up still carrying the problems from the night before? Is it worth it? Why do we think that going through the motion and having to analyse & understand everything will bring some kind of resolution? It does the opposite, dwelling in thoughts & indulging in trying to fix it brings nothing more than a bigger hole that we need to climb out of eventually.
I look to make my lifer simpler every day as I know the power of simplicity. Life flows when we cut out the unnecessary complication.
To live thinking we have no control over our behaviours is not bringing responsibility to what we know we can live, it is living in a negative and disempowered way. A much more empowered way to have that sentence is ‘we are responsible for our behaviours and therefore have an opportunity to embrace every moment, to consider and be aware of the ripple effect of each behaviour, and live accordingly’.
This is great what you have shared Amina, and if I can add an app. and that is appreciation of all our relationships starting with self and exploring the intimacy we can have with everyone we connect with.
If we are willing then yes absolutely relationships offer us all an opportunity to evolve ✨
Thank you Vicky, and adding appreciation serves when we are confirming others who we also appreciate and then live in the authority of appreciating our essences, then our evolution is guarantied.
I love how the ripples start with us and keep expanding outwards, it reminds us all of the impact we have in this world.
Yes and of the responsibility we have!
“I can handle anything thrown at me.” And what a feeling – with no attachment to any outcomes or pictures, for who knows what awaits us.
Make life about the connection to self and the deepening of the unfolding of love within then we can handle everything that comes our way. It is a commitment to oneself however it is this commitment that is the answer to every relationship.
Yes, very beautiful – in committing to ourselves, the energy we carry ourselves in, we commit to everybody else equally.
All relationships are affected by the quality of relationship we have with ourselves, how we are with ourselves, ‘What matters is how we treat, care for and respect ourselves, as this is what we are then able to bring to all our relationships with others.’
One of the really cool things I’ve come to learn about relationships is how they can be a mirror of how I am with myself. I have and continue to learn so much from this fact of life.
If we were to make just one choice to truly change the ripple effects are deeply felt in many corners of the universe.
We definitely do need to have stop moments in our day to tune in with how we are, where we are at and how we are moving particularly during a era where everything is so busy. And absolutely all of our movements ripple into all of our relationships and really we are in relationships with everyone so that is a lot of people we are affecting in how we live.
The ripples we make can be so very different, depending on the quality we choose to be in for ourselves.
Amina, I agree with this; ‘We need to create stop moments in our day to really consider how we are truly living on a moment to moment basis and the effect that this has.’ I find that if I have stop moments in my day then this allows me to come back to me, to settle back into my body if I have gone into any busyness or rushing.
Yes, having stop moment checks whether we are anticipating things as well which, if we don’t feel equipped to manage them, feeds anxiety. So stop moments are really important.
‘I decided to make my life simpler by making choices to go to bed early, wake up early, eat healthily, rest, swim, all with the awareness that I needed to be more gentle with myself.’ I love the simplicity and practicality of what you are sharing here.
A great reminder this morning as the days before this day has been very hectic and busy. I can feel I have a choice to move in a way that is selfloving and caring and bring this quality to all I will meet which gives them the opportunity to join me or go in this drive of getting the job done and feed others to do or stay the same. It is all up to me, always!
Everything we do, every move we make, and every time we speak we are making ripples that will in some way affect another.
Yes, the quality we live in and move with, is felt by many, as its ripples spread far and wide.
The ripples that go out from us all just when we stand still – if we can feel that it’s so exposing of how we live – and needs to be exposed.
The relationship we have with ourselves through our bodies, from a quality perspective, is in every type of relationship we have with everything that’s in our life simply because what we hold within our own body is how we relate and is in our touch too whether we touch a person or an object and whether that’s physically or energetically.
What this highlights is that we have a choice in every moment to either stay in touch with who we are and what we are feeling, or not. There is no in between – it is literally like having a switch inside us which is either on, or off.
Everything counts up to the smallest movement which can be how I express a certain word. People around me can feel it. I know I can feel it. I can even feel it – if I allow and embrace it – when others respond or react to my movements. It all comes down to taking responsibility for my choices and the movements I make.
We live in a world of energy and our every movement is determined by a specific energy we choose to align to and the quality of our movements certainly ripples out beyond what our eyes can see. When we understand this, we will also understand the importance of energetic responsibility.
I can really relate to the example of how you take yourself to bed sets up how you are in the morning with yourself and others. And say the morning isn’t great that doesn’t mean I have to wait until bedtime to correct it but in any moment am honest and turn back around to caring for myself.
I love Amina how you say you made your life simpler by going to be earlier, waking up earlier and eating healthier, simple choices have such a profound effect on our lives.
This is wonderful to read. I remember when I used to wake up and dread every part of the day. I wanted ‘duvet’ days everyday and had to force myself out into the world. I may not always wake up rested but after reconnecting with myself I really look forward to what the day holds and all the lessons it’ll present.
I can relate to wanting ‘duvet’ days Karin and it makes me smile now as this has changed so much in my life and one of them is building a more loving relationship with myself and my body step by step.
And that is such an important comment because it is not about perfection but a willingness to invest in ourselves and therefore all others.
When we notice how we carry things on from one day to the next, we are able to see how there is more to this than we may have originally thought. It shows how the energy can stay lingering with us if we don’t choose to observe and catch it and change very simply our way of being. It can feel like we are imprisoned but we make our own prison.
So true Gill we are the jailed and the jailer all in one…..and what joy begins to bubble when we set ourselves free.