Who would have thought that relationships and their ripples would have such a profound impact on life, everywhere?
Relationships present an opportunity to evolve in one’s own relationship, along with all others equally, as it is the consistency and willingness to keep going deeper with oneself and others that keeps us evolving. It’s our relationship with self-love, and the level of care with which we handle ourselves and move our bodies, that allows us to naturally be this way with others without the need to try.
Some may say they have forgotten how to be in a relationship, especially if they have not had a partner for a while, but actually from my own experience we are always in relationships, not only romantic relationships. What matters is how we treat, care for and respect ourselves, as this is what we are then able to bring to all our relationships with others.
It was not until I brought my attention inwards to self-reflect that I really started to get a sense of what this is all about. My life consisted of focussing on my work first and foremost, and so long as I was able to fit in everything I had to do, along with the ‘to do’ list I always had with me, then I was managing life. But because I was so exhausted there was a limit to the depth of quality I could bring to all areas of my life. So clearly things needed to change.
Having lived a busy, hectic life with work, I started to create quiet time – ‘down time’ I called it – that helped me to stop and really consider that the way I had been with myself was not what it could be.
I decided to make my life simpler by making choices to go to bed early, wake up early, eat healthily, rest, swim, all with the awareness that I needed to be more gentle with myself.
After building a relationship with myself in this way, I started to realise that being in relationships is not as one might think, nor what one might be initially open to.
And so to the ripple effects…
Take for example: you wake up in the morning and you are still carrying something unresolved from the night before and maybe even the night before that. How do you think or feel your movements will be with yourself while you get ready in the morning? Possibly anxious, angry, sad, confused, unsure, disturbed, out of sorts etc…?
So what about if you live with another, how would you be with them at this time? More than likely the same, or trying to hide that this is going on, or you may feel the need to release it on to them.
What are the ripple effects of your chosen movements on this particular morning? Most people would naturally pick up on how you’re being and moving, and from there they would try and help you, take it on, try and avoid you etc…
I have experienced being on the receiving end of this, but I have also been the one acting in this way. What I have observed are the ripples that this has on my day and then on all those around me – whether I have received it or created it, the results are the same.
So let’s turn this around: what would the day look like if we started free of all these emotions, and instead were full of joy? Would we enjoy getting ready and spending more time on ourselves perhaps, preparing for the day to come, enjoying connecting to whomever we see in our day?
This is now becoming my normal way of living. I start full of energy, wanting to get stuck into my day, loving getting ready, while really enjoying connecting with myself and others before leaving for a full day’s work that feels effortless and easy, making me feel like I can handle anything thrown at me.
The ripple effect here allows others to do the same, by showering an energy that reflects to them a different way of being that can inspire them to let go of negative thoughts and emotions. Children can often be seen to respond to this rejuvenating way of being. We all can feel that the energy in a whole room can change as the positive ripples are felt, so why would we not choose this way of living?
Changing ill behaviours into loving, respectful and harmonious ones can be challenging, especially if we are not willing to see that some, if not all of our behaviours, are in fact creating a ripple effect on our own lives and on society.
We need to create stop moments in our day to really consider how we are truly living on a moment to moment basis and the effect that this has. If someone had sat me down and told me that by being a certain way we create a different ripple effect, I would not have understood, and most probably would not have seen the importance of being responsible in all my relationships.
The willingness to see how we live and the commitment to consistently be honest does create ripples in our relationships. After starting to establish a certain quality, i.e. living with a deeper level of self-worth, respect and gentleness with myself, I have then been able to bring those qualities to all others and begin to build more intimate relationships all round.
By Amina Tumi, 36 yrs, Hair & Beauty Salon Owner
Further Reading:
Leaving Things to the Last Minute
Starting With Self-Care – Service in the Hospitality Industry
Understanding in relationships – how judgement contributes to abuse
549 Comments
What I am learning more and more is that we never stop being in a relationship with everything all of the time from being with ourselves, with others and even inanimate objects and the truer we can be with all things or the truer the ripples we create, the clearer our path will be.
‘What are the ripple effects of your chosen movements on this particular morning? ‘ Even if I’m aware I’m carrying an irritation- I went to bed late and am irritated with myself for not being as bright as I could be for example – I can drop the irritation and feel vulnerable and all the physical consequences of being tired. This honesty allows me a greater connection with people.
Some days I can really feel a real urge to nibble, and I know it is because there is something to look at that is making me feel uncomfortable. My relationship with myself is definitely deepening to feel this, and not beat myself up when I have had something to eat, but simply observe it. It shows us how to be really loving to ourselves, and embrace the message.
I love how we can use our little tells that are saying there’s something deeper here to look at, and not turn our backs on ourselves.
Loving ripples, mountainous waves or forceful tsunami’s – the quality we live in determines the movement that affects the all – choice is ours.
It is so true that the quality of our relationships with others can only be a reflection of the one we have with ourselves, as we choose to bring all of us to them or a measure of that.
The statement I can really relate to is if we have unresolved issues that pile on and pile, then not only is our sleep affected but how we are throughout the day, days a head, probably weeks, months and years too. So it’s a no wonder it affects our relationship with everyone and everything.
This is a gold blog as the more I focus or bring care and attention to these factors the more it affects my relationship with others – an ongoing refining process.
What you are sharing here, Amina, is fundamental to how we are going to bring change on a societal level, by being responsible for our every word and gesture in our daily interactions and even in the way we speak to and think of ourselves.
The title of this article invites me to consider the impact of all my interactions with others and particularly the quality I choose in my relationship with myself and the one I have with my partner… it is here that so much can be explored, understood, developed and deepened and it is from this quality that I go out into the world.
In human life we completely underestimate ripple effects to the point where for the most part we don’t even recognise that they exist.
Seeing so clearly that everything you choose and partake in has ripple effects and impacts many others brings a great understanding of how love and responsibility are intrinsically linked.
It seems to me that we cannot escape ‘the ripple effect’. It is just a question of what is the quality of the ripples we make.
One of the greatest gifts of relationships is that they teach us consistency and commitment. Our tendency to want to bail out as soon as things get tough is challenged by relationships you cannot easily end, such as with ex partners when you have kids or work colleagues if you want to keep your job. Although they may not seem like a gift at the time, I have found they are, as you learn to stay with the relationship and learn so much more about yourself along the way.
We think that driving on ahead has the most impact in life, like we are fighting to hold back a great big wave, but what if one of the greatest thing we can do is to stop and feel what’s true, and choose to change the things we do? This taking stock could change everything.
Our every move has an impact on our well-being but we do not see it that way and rather want the ones we call healthy contribute to our good health and simultaneously negate all the unhealthy choices we make but do not want to give up.
These stop moments we can create for ourselves, can give us the space to see what is going on for us and what effects that has on the world.
Yes, and choosing to make space for these moments to reflect honestly is a responsibility that offers us mountains of support and inspiration.
The ripple effect of loving ourselves is so beautiful to feel here and our relationships blossoming with the simple choice to change how we are living and bring a quality and greater love and being ness to who we are . Very inspiring.
Everything ripples. What we choose as our quality would ripple far and wide. Choose wisely.
How we are with ourselves and consistently so builds a foundation not just for ourselves to stand upon, but it does act as an inspiration for all those around us. Not everyone of course will notice this nor be inspired by it, but there will be the odd person who will feel this and if they then adopt a more loving way of being as inspired by you, then what a blessing this is and a win-win situation.
I love the word consistently here, and understand more and more that it does not mean being the same all the time but consistently willing to learn, consistently open and honest, consistently accepting and understanding…
Such simple decisions can have such amazing effects in our lives. This is a great blog for me to read this morning, and to reflect on how I can bring more simplicity into my life and in this feel the effects immediately on myself but also all around. Thank you Amina for this inspiration!
And to treat, care and respect ourselves is not about pandering and ticking boxes but responding to that which truly supports us and our wellbeing eg. expressing and not holding back that which needs to be said with love can be one of the most loving things we can do for ourselves in any given moment.
The beautiful thing is, the moment we have a relationship with ourselves, life does not get “managed” anymore. It is more productive than ever and work is made with a quality that does not exhaust us. In fact we can work more because our body and soul loves to be in service naturally.
Relationships are one of the most amazing things we can have yet they can also be one of the most destructive! And not just in terms of intimate relationships as every person we come into contact with we have a relationship with. The way we are with one another either asks us to be all the love that we are and so deepen the connection together or we go into protection mode where we put up a brick wall in fear of being hurt or rejected. It is like chalk and cheese.
Gorgeous article Amina, thank you. This really makes sense and shows the importance of us loving and caring for ourselves and the effects this has on those around us. This has been my experience also as I start to more deeply care about and honour myself; ‘After starting to establish a certain quality, i.e. living with a deeper level of self-worth, respect and gentleness with myself, I have then been able to bring those qualities to all others and begin to build more intimate relationships all round.’
Relationship ripples… really do ripple. I have just come back from seeing some dear friends who live in another country and who I haven’t seen for twenty years. We were always close but lost contact for most of that time. Because of the love and regard we shared they always spoke of me fondly to their other family members. On this visit, I was able to meet their parents again who I only met once in the past quite briefly, yet their parents were as warm and as loving towards me as if they had known me for the same time… the ripples of love from my friends spread to their parents and to me and back round again from me to them. Very, very gorgeous! Love has no boundaries or restriction… it just is.
A lot of my relationships have at times been based on what we do together and there has been moments of emptiness felt when we do not do anything together even though the emptiness was there underneath to begin with. It’s so important to make our relationships about love and not about what we do
Absolutely Joshua! And in fact it is not about the amount of time we spend, but the quality. If you spend 10 min with your partner in absolute love, with yourself and as a result in expression to the other, it is more worth than spending the whole day in separation, functioning, doing or pandering each others needs.
The ripple effects of how we are living and the choices we make are enormous and seem to be greater the more we are willing and open to look at these and our responsibilities also. This is a loving sharing of our relationships and the importance of this with ourself firstly and how we get up in the morning playing out in our every day.
When we do better, especially much better, many relationships improve out of sight but some relationships can get significantly worse, even very old ones and that is often not an indication that we are doing anything wrong.
There is a way of walking in life based on limiting how far we are willing to see. This way of life also relies upon our capacities to redress situations as they present themselves. We are constantly running behind and reacting to what comes our way without realizing that it is ourselves who have created the ripples effects that come back to us in one way or another.
I have a feeling, based on my own experience, that the majority of humanity are only “managing life”, and not truly living it. And sadly, we get really good at the managing which then does not allow much space to learn to live. One of the most important areas for living a truly wonderful life is the quality of the relationships we have with others, relationships which are there for us to learn from and in that learning we will begin to understand what it is to live life in full.
That is true. If the quality is very superficial then we miss out on much.
In relationships there is only ever responsibility and it always points us back to the relationship we have with ourselves.
Wise words Adele, so easy it can be to blame the other person yet we have to look at what our responsibility was and what part did we have to play in it.
I recently stayed at a friends house with a number of other people all rippling our love within the pool of love there and it was just deliciously amazing! I have never felt so much closeness especially with other woman and it was truly beautiful and a great reminder of how it can be all of the time.
Becoming aware of the ripple effect we have is a very important one. Every move we make has an effect. For the turn-around was that it is the energy that ‘colours’ the move. Do I move in anger than that is what I ‘ripple’, even though I don’t express it. It is there for all to feel. That brings in responsibility – in what energy do I get up? …do I talk to others? It’s my choice with what energy I align to.
If we accept the simple fact of the impact and ongoing ripple effect of our choices and behaviour we are living with the constant invitation to take responsibility for the quality of all our activity.
Indeed and even when we are not with other people, the ripple effect is still there.
In reading this I started to feel how exhausted I have been and how this then makes me more reactive in my relationships with others. I am learning to take more responsibility for my life and in doing so can feel that when I bring more of me to each aspect of my life- then things become easier.
Whenever there is a change or disharmony in a relationship, I have to look at what that means for me and what I contributed. If these prompts from outer relationships didn’t happen, I may not look at things as honestly or closely within myself. Disharmony, which can even mean stagnation with any other person feels horrible and is a great prompt to keep us growing.
The love we share at home, and equally if there is a lack of it, runs ripples out to every aspect of our lives and the lives of all those around us.
How we treat, care for and respect ourselves, will be how we are with another. This is so true and gives us a clue as to how to read others so as to not take things personally as often how they are with us is how they are with themselves. By stepping back and truly seeing how this plays out we can bring more love and understanding to a situation leaving taking personal offense completely out of the equation.
“After building a relationship with myself in this way, I started to realise that being in relationships is not as one might think, nor what one might be initially open to” – It’s really important to realise that having a ‘picture perfect’ relationship can be very different to one that is truly loving and evolutionary, because the ‘picture’ has been designed to achieve exterior perfection whilst negating true care WITHIN every conversation and interaction.
The ripple effect of looking after ourselves more deeply brings us back to the responsibility we all have to reflect what we bring to others, by making it about our relationship with ourselves first.
Well said Gill – everything starts with ourselves first and with a choice of a quality of energy which determines the quality of the reflection we offer.
I am not in a relationship at the moment, and was wondering the other day how that would look or be when I am! That said I agree, that the most important relationship is the one with ourselves, and how we are with ourselves is how we will be with everyone.
I love considering the ripples of every single relationship i have, from the check out operator, my work colleagues, employers, friends, cleaner, gardener, the postman and delivery person, the shopkeepers I meet, the drivers i pass on the road, everyone – I know that the ripples i make go out from to unending. That’s what I love about relationships.