A ‘sea change’ in the modern-day sense is where a person moves from a city or urban location to experience life in a more rural or seaside (hence the ‘sea’ change) location. People choose such a move for many reasons, perhaps because they become restless and crave a change in circumstance, perhaps they feel the pace of the city has become too much and want a simpler life, imagining a life by the sea or by a tree (hence the ‘tree-change’) will offer that simplicity.
I recently read an article in a magazine where the writer felt that her life was fine enough but humdrum: drive the children here, pick up the groceries there, watch telly at night and spend weekends making to-do lists on what needs to be done around the house but never actually doing it. And so she packed up and moved her family to a little island on the other side of the world.
On arrival the location was magical, picture postcard enchanting. Life was simpler, there were far fewer people, many more trees and lots and lots of sea.
But the writer was honest too. While her environment was gorgeous, she still found herself and her husband driving the children here, picking up the groceries there, watching telly at night and spending the weekends making to-do lists that never got done. She was still drooling over images of other people living in other parts of the world and still planning the next vacation or adventure, real or fantastical.
This article struck a chord with me, as while I haven’t made a sea change – I did move to a semi-rural area 2 years ago but that was more to do with logistics than seeking an escape. I have spent an enormous part of my life wishing for and planning holidays, some eventuated, but mostly never even taken. The grass was always greener somewhere else.
I don’t spend nearly as much time these days planning to be somewhere else, but occasionally do find myself trawling travel sites and house swap sites, imagining what it would be like to live ‘not here.’ Which is very interesting because my ‘here’ is absolutely beautiful – that most would consider the ‘greener somewhere else’ place.
What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself. It is actually a disenchantment with my life because of the choices I have been making that I want to run away from. But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.
Serge Benhayon is a fascinating philosopher who talks about these kinds of things all the time and I once remember hearing him presenting something like if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.
I look at the concept of the sea change like this too – changing our environment in the hope of feeling more settlement with our life won’t work: change who we have become first, then see how life looks like then. Probably much cheaper that way too!
By Suzanne Anderssen
Further Reading:
Is change possible? Understanding the choices we make and why!
Returning to our essence
Are We Taking Responsibility For Our Own Lives?
Finding a reason to change our lot seems like a cop-out, as if we are looking for a get-out-of-jail free card, so that life becomes devoid of a regular rhythm and deepening in the relationships we are in. So when we reverse that, we have an earth change, where we keep our feet on the ground and improve every relationship we have within our community.
We change the wrapping on the parcel as many times as we like but if the contents doesn’t change then nothing really changes.
I love how timely we read these blogs, that there is something there we need to hear. We often look to blame others for relationships, be it family, work, partners etc or how our life is, if only, but the restless comes from inside. When I am settled in myself all the stuff that so call bothers me, doesn’t even cross my mind.
Recently my work has felt a bit…stuck. I couldn’t quite work it out until I stopped and reflected on the whole situation, my contributions included. What I found was that it wasn’t work that’s stuck but me putting the handbrake on in certain instances. As I address why I’ve put the handbrake up chances are high that work won’t feel so stuck.
Learning to Love-ourselves turns the whole world upside down! so maybe we would end up in the ocean on the other side of the world now that would be a see, sea change.
This is very good advice, and makes perfect sense, ‘ if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.’
Suzanne, this stands out for me reading your article this time; ‘ changing our environment in the hope of feeling more settlement with our life won’t work: change who we have become first, then see how life looks like then. Probably much cheaper that way too!’ I have observed that moving abroad or looking for that ‘better place’ to live doesn’t work as we take ourselves with us and so the same issues will be there. Working on our inner world feels key and then making true choices from there.
I can relate to living with the notion that the grass was always greener, but I have learnt that it isn’t. Looking back I can see that my parents also had this belief and as a result, we would move every three years. Always onto something exciting and then I did the same in the airforce for 20 years.
Very interesting to read how we can want to physically escape to get away from ourselves. I can relate to this completely in the sense that I am not appreciating me and therefore cannot appreciate what is around me.
Change from the inside out can be more transformative than the other way round.
“I once remember hearing him [Serge Benhayon] presenting something like if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens” – this is very true and after 5 years having repatriated back home to London from Singapore found there was a period of adjustment to the smaller living space of my own mortgaged property. I wanted more space [like I nostalgically had before], thought about sizing up and looking for 2-bed places.. and other different parts of London. It was only after the adjustment within myself that saw me deepening an appreciation for myself and of my choices that the re-adjustment to my living space occurred and I fell back in love with space and the neighbourhood I’d been in for the past 15 years all over again and where nostalgia for “what was” fell away to the joy of “what is”.
I can relate to having daydreamed about pastures new and how that would solve all of my problems. Then one day I found myself in California at the age of 19 and nothing had changed, except the scenery. I soon realised that nothing changes and that wherever we go our baggage goes with us.
Yes, we have to deal with our baggage, if we feel restless and want to ‘get away’, we just take that baggage with us, until we heal it and let it go, ‘ It is actually a disenchantment with my life because of the choices I have been making that I want to run away from.’
‘change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens’ . Thank you, I know this is true from past experience and yet there is still a situation that I keep getting stuck on…..great to read this today to nudge me to change…make changes from within…and let them ripple out…..
Interesting that a ‘sea change’ does not necessarily change anything unless we are willing to go deeper with ourselves and explore our unsettlement and why we felt we needed a change in the first place. We are either moving towards evolution or running away from what is being lovingly offered.
A true sea change is a switch in the energy we let run our lives, cutting through the consciousness and ideals we think are us. Change the vibration we align to, and our life will flow in a true way.
True Joseph the only way we truly can make a change is to align to the vibration we belong to and this means that we don’t need a different view when we look outside, it is in our innerworld where we find true settlement to be in life.
Thank you Suzanne, clearly exposing the fact that change must come from within first, than the other aspects around us may be overviewed, but than again from a loving surrender, not a controlling thought, as that doesn’t work or bring space to another to grow.
It is amazing to experience and to feel the difference in making changes because they are real and timely, and not because of a running away. The former being filled with love, the latter being still yet to discover what love there is waiting for us inside.
It is interesting how we can either react to the inherent tensions in life perhaps craving a geographical change to avoid dealing with a situation or we also move because we are responding to what we have felt is next for us. Both might lead to a move but one comes from a place of avoidance and the other from where we need to go next.
Letting go of the images we have how life should look like and will never fullfill, will change who we have become based on these images, there is such a beautiful unfoldment when we start to value that which is inside of us, the ‘true greener grass’.
How different it feels to be willing to take responsibility for one’s life, to wake up in the morning with complete commitment to facing all of life’s challenges with love, grace, and understanding. This way, no matter where we are or what circumstance we may find ourselves in, life continues to evolve and we, the creators of life, are given opportunity after opportunity to change or even to transform all that has been before in to a new standard for living what is felt and known to be true.
Its so true we can’t ever run away from ourselves and our choices, we can move to the other side of the world to our dream location yet if we are not healed inside we always take our hurts with us – different picture same flavour.
“change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.” Wherever we move in the world we take ourselves with us, and unless we change who we are, the changed conditions around us won’t make any difference.
I can relate to this part about living somewhere beautiful, a place where many people do actually come to visit for their holidays, and yet still my life is full of the normal activities of life, which for me and my family was a choice. We decided many years ago that wherever we are going to live, it would be beautiful and abundant with treasured values such as large green spaces and woodlands, people we love, simple or easy commutes to work, quiet. And all of this has worked and our life feels amazing and the only time it doesn’t is when we stop appreciating not only the wonderful qualities that are here, but the fact that we have chosen them.
We always take ourselves with us, where ever we go but there have been times in my life that the grass seemed greener somewhere else. It were moments I only looked outside of myself and ‘forgot’ my inner world which now is so much more of value to me than any place in the world.
We take our problems with us wherever we go, changing location affects nothing, until we deal with those issues that are harming us nothing has closure.
Suzanne, thank you for sharing what Serge presented; ‘if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.’ This is super helpful as I can feel how easy it is to not take responsibility for how we are in our relationships and to blame the other and to want to leave a relationship or a place we live for the search for something ‘better’, but in truth nothing will change and we will still have the same issues unless we are willing to look at how we are.
You can’t run away from yourself and your choices.. interesting how we think that we can run away from ourselves and our choices when really we are the same person, just in different scenery, a different backdrop. We can try to run away, deny or bury what we feel but it is always waiting for us to deal with, at whatever point we decide we can face and handle it.
So wisely shared Suzanne. No amount of changing the world that surrounds us will change the truth of what we are feeling within. As such it is wise to take an honest look at why there is tension or restlessness in our lives, as an opportunity to address what it is we are not living for ourselves, and how we can live with greater honor and connection to the richness of our love that is already residing within. As once this is established we then have a much clearer understanding of what fits and what doesn’t fit with this loving quality.
Changing your location, furniture, job and partner makes no difference unless we are truly open to being honest about how we are living and what no longer supports us to evolve.
For many years I wanted to move and felt unsettled, and always put it down to the fact that I travelled every three years or so with my parents as a child. Then when I couldn’t move, I did the same thing with jobs, jumping from one excitement to another. If we are unsettled within ourselves, it will reflect in our actions and how we see the world.
I agree that the unsettled feeling of wanting a change or a holiday comes from the discontent within yourself. It goes with you wherever you go so a sea change does nothing to fix it. The only thing I have found that satiates the restlessness is stillness, a feeling of being home within myself. Then it doesn’t matter where I am.
What we don’t realises that when we follow the ‘greener grass’ we are in fact chasing pictures that have been imposed upon us. It is not coming from what we truly feel inside, but acting as an escape from it. And in most occasion we eventually start to see the cracks and the picture starts to crumble leaving us in need of the next or a better one.
I have travelled a lot in my younger years and came to the same conclusion, life is different in the other places but a praise on earth simply does not exist outside of ourselves. I have found my paradise within myself, in the simplicity of my life, the beauty and depth of my relationships, my ability to love and be loved and true purpose in everyday life.
Until I met Serge Benhayon I wasn’t even remotely interested in philosophy. Now I can’t get enough of the true philosophers of this world, including Serge Benhayon.
I can really relate to this Suzanne, having spent most of my life seeking what was over the next horizon. But having re-connected to the magic in the everyday by living in tune with my body and the loveliness inside me, I enjoy the simple things in life and have no need for anything else.
It is not that the grass is greener on the other side it is just that we haven’t appreciated ourselves enough and made the choices that truly honour and cherish us.
Many people fear change because it is the unknown, which brings uncertainty about the future. But how we live today influences the future of tomorrow – thus we can change our future by changing the choices we make today.
I love the common sense approach and clarity of your writing. So true, when we move in the energy of wanting to escape what we are in- it comes with us. And when we move with a true impulse and in connection to ourselves then there is the space for true change.
I used to be really restless and very non committed in life, non committed and also scared of staying in one place for too long .. like I had to keep moving or I thought things would just get really stagnant. All in all it was very stressful and unsettling. However with the support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am now more commitment to life than ever before (I even have a mortgage!!!) and love the work I do so much so that I have to make time for myself to stop and rest. So this is a huge turn a round for me. One thing I am aware of is that living in London I do not give myself time to just be in nature as much as I would like to, even just going for a short walk and being with the trees around me which I know is great for my wellbeing. So I am always learning to refine ways to truly support me.
There have been many times when I too have attempted to dive out of my circumstance, thinking that this would solve and get rid of all the complications and the misery. But I can see now how each time there was a driving force behind me that ultimately just did not want to face what I had created, to take responsibility for what I had created, and to put the work in to changing what affects those creations were having.
I feel the same Shami. I have often thought too that i could not do whatever was necessary to be done and then when I started I was amazed at how easy it was and the amount of support there was available
Imagine if we truly felt where we needed to be and moved towards that situation or location. This would reflect a connection to our innermost where our choices are made in love rather than in individual reaction to our created circumstances.
Thank you Suzanne. It’s amazing how we look to escape the results of our choices. If our choices were truly loving we would have no desire to escape them.
The greatest sea change we can make and one we all deeply crave is to cease living in the same reduced down energy. To stop patterns that have controlled us from year upon year, and start to choose differently and see things so clear – this is the change we truly seek. For no matter the scenery we take these same ‘issues’ wherever we go. Thanks Suzanne and beautiful photo Nico.
It has taken me a long time to accept that the grass is not green on the other side because wherever I go I bring me with me and if I am not content within myself then that is what comes with me.
Absolutely, we have to face the consequences of the choices we make, ‘ you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.’
“But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.” Truly living with yourself is living in, and with truth, and love.
Hi Suzanne, I know this very well! I have travelled quite a lot and lived the tropical “dream” only to be really quite devastated that all my issues came too! I am however very grateful to myself for following my “dream” because I learnt a valuable lesson that regardless of what job you do, where you do it, who you do it with/for; what you wear and what the weather is doing, it bares absolutely no impact on the baggage you carry in life. So I now know the only answer is to actually deal with it, myself, and not search anywhere or look for anyone that can do it for me. It was actually quite an empowering lesson to learn and one that no doubt I will continue to go deeper with as I continue to make choices in my life. Thanks for the reminder, good to appreciate that about myself!
It really comes back to us and how we really are with ourselves, loving ourselves deeply and truly impacts the whole environment.
That rings true – we want to change ourselves or something about ourselves and we often try to compensate by making changes to our environment, planning a holiday, moving elsewhere. But we take ourselves everywhere we go and it is most likely that sooner or later, the same conundrum arises.
When one moves house or engages in a new relationship one thing is certain that will come with us is ourselves. Hence if there is anything unresolved within us it will also come with us – moving location will never solve the problem however greener the other side of the valley looks.
‘Serge Benhayon is a fascinating philosopher who talks about these kinds of things all the time and I once remember hearing him presenting something like if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens’. Yes Suzanne, this is a crucial piece of wisdom to put into action. While we blame someone else we abnegate our own responsibility in the interaction and a barrier to our living brotherhood is created.
I can do the same job day in and day out. Some days I love it and really enjoy my work, others I am crying in the staff loo wanting to go home before I even clock in. It’s the exact same job that a week before I absolutely loved, so what changed? Me and the quality I have been living in, when I bring love and care into what I do I don’t want to be elsewhere.
The magic medicine, “Me and the quality I have been living in, when I bring love and care into what I do I don’t want to be elsewhere.”
I love what you’ve shared about changes to our internal environment and relationships being the first thing to explore when things aren’t feeling in the flow/true. This absolutely saves time and money too – often when we feel a change is needed or something needs to be patched up we think the answer lies in a new house, gift for our partner, holiday etc., but what if the key was our attitude to life all along rather than a material item?
I know this so well. We can be consumed with thoughts that take us somewhere else and this stops us from being right here where we are. A total waste of energy and a waste of the potential in the present moment.
“Sea Change” – i’ve recently had a very big sea-change in my life…it required no actual sea, but a real see about what’s next. Sea-change is about seeing through feeling within us the way forward.. where a change of scenery might spark that or just the smell of the air that confirms our movement towards “seeing” more and in this “changing”.
‘ It is actually a disenchantment with my life because of the choices I have been making that I want to run away from. ‘ I love this honesty. I have spent a life always looking to the horizon, avoiding the feeling of being closed in. Recently I’ve been clocking all my distractions I’ve used from feeling a deep sense of grief, a missing of myself that I’ve searched for in relationships – any relationship but the one I have with myself. Life is what it is now. There is what there is to be honest about and feel now, no amount of running into the horizon can ever change what I have not stayed still for and felt. I can keep forever running – going back to where I once felt was home in geographical terms but also knowing that place, even when I lived there, didn’t bring me to me. The beauty is that that relationship with myself I can have anywhere in the world and it’s not dependant on others.
Love it Suzanne, there are many things we can ‘change’ or shift but not unless we are settled and content in ourselves do we receive that which we are craving so deeply.
Often we have this perception that moving will solve any problems we are experiencing and that life will suddenly and miraculously take on a turn for the better. Maybe in the beginning that does appear to be the case but then the reality sets in and we find that we still have to deal with the day to day stuff that we run away from in the first place.
I can assosiate with the allure of living in other more majestic locales, and have jumped around from state to state following this desire. But now I realize just how in each place I lived people are the same and the magic of a location is more dependent on the appreciation I have for it and the quality of my relationships there, rather than all the outdoor activities that I used to need to distract myself from feeling me and being content.
An interesting observation and understanding, ‘What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself’.
Weekends can even be considered the same here. For a long time I have worked shift work so haven’t really noticed it. But now I work Monday to Friday. There is a pattern to the week that I have observed. The week finishes almost at lunchtime on Fridays and reluctantly starts again sometime again on a Monday. We long for the break or an escape from the work we do. Possibly as a reward for working hard.
Yes I had a day a bit like that yesterday. I was finding preparation for an upcoming meeting overwhelming, so I took myself to the nearby town where I could visit the banks and feel more in control of some aspects of my life that I had been procrastinating about. When I came home I was able to start in on work for the meeting, so sometimes for me if I change tack and do something related to my situation but easier to accomplish it can inspire me to complete whatever I was finding too much or too difficult before. Also in the town I bumped into a couple of friends and I received a phone call and was able to share and clear up some other things and just having that interaction also allowed me to connect more with myself.
“But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.” This is so true, I spent my youth watching my parents move from house to house, each time has a new promise and a new possibility but never did it truly change anything – it was essentially same problems, different view, and I learnt that you can’t really run away from anything. Wherever you are there’s much more to be gained by dealing with everything you need to and resetting your life and your future choices from there.
We run more from ourselves than anyone else I reckon. To sit and be with ourselves, our choices, and to feel that – with no judgement and as much love and understanding that you can muster – can take a bit but the rewards are great. You can get to know you and how/why you do things and the effect that they have on you and those around you. Truth is our greatest freedom.
Every day humdrum is awesome, another day of committing more, another day to exercise inspiration in dealing with stuff, humdrum inspires me constantly when I am willing to deal with it.
It is so easy to look at others lives and think that they have it all. Yet we don’t really know what is going on for them. I have always had a feeling of waiting for something, thinking at some point my life will become something different, always looking to the next thing but in this you miss the gold that is already there. I can feel that this constant raciness is a way of avoiding an inner connection and so the focus becomes on the outer.
The same can be applied to our place of work. There can be a myriad of issues and dynamics happening in the work place which we can long to escape from. But these dynamics are there so we can find a way to deal with them and become stronger as a result. If we find somewhere else to work we simply delay the growth on offer.
” you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.’ What wise words. It is not until we accept the choices we have made that we can love ourselves enough to embrace change and choose differently.
A great blog that brings us back to our responsibility of our own first. It is highlighted that it is best to check in with ourselves first what we are actually feeling and possibly not want to deal with – hence our need for a sea change. Of course it is not for everyone like that, but it is good for us to consider what it is that we seek to change. And what it actually is that we like changing, as your blog described, possibly is not always needed in the physical way (sea change).
Having recently moved to the beach I feel more settled within myself and find that my surroundings have also been mirrored by this way of being. Everything including the purchase of the house has flowed, along with the move and our proximity to work and old and new friends. Life moves and shifts as we move and shift in our own way of living and seeing the world.
“Change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.” I have something to do today which I have found traditionally quite difficult and when I do that I react and carry on a fair bit, causing delay and distraction. I hear this invitation to change myself and my approach first and see how the results work. Thank you.
I remember being told by a family member when I was young, that we carry our troubles with us wherever we go and we can move to the opposite side of the world but if we haven’t resolved our personal issues, they will still be with us as large as life, there’s no getting away from them. So reading this blog it seems that my family member knew what they where talking about.
“Sea change” could be “see change” which is that we can see change in any moment that we choose to be truly ourselves and for that we do not need to change location.
The same can be said about wanting to move to a different job. I love my job, but at times I find myself wanting to work somewhere else. At these times it is useful to look at what is happening around me at work and how I am dealing with it. The truth is I am usually wanting to escape the challenges. The paradox is that if I stay and face the challenges and learn how to deal with them it leads to feeling joyful.
Yes this is all too common where people will often share that their job is a way to get the money in but there is no passion or commitment to appreciate what they offer each day that leads to wanting the sea change.
How can we possibly wish that our lives were different; we lived in a different country, had a different profession etc., when we haven’t touched the edges of maximising what we already have? And once we started to maximise everything we could bring to our work, home, town and country, our relationship to it may well change.
The grass always used to seem greener anywhere else. I hadn’t accepted who I was or my life but now appreciate it more than ever. It’s rare I seriously consider the world being better elsewhere. The lessons I need to learn in life will always present themselves – I don’t have to hide or run from them.
Beautifully said – we can develop such strong ideas that if life would just be a certain way, somehow it would make us better. What I am realising is that i carry in me all my unresolved issues and hurts and they will be there until I deal with them – so rather than worrying about what my life looks like around me and comparing it to others and wishing it was different, if I can focus on dealing with my stuff then I can be truly content no matter what.
I know it is a cliche but if we change the outside eg. Work, new home, new partner, new country, whatever, we still take ourselves with us. So if anything is to truly change we need to look within.
‘What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself’ this is such a great reminder to always bring it back to us first before we try to ‘solve’ our problems with issues outside of us with ‘solutions’ rather than first understand that everything outside is from inside first.
I often find myself longing to be in a different job. To move up the company or to move companies. I’m always after the next thing. But ultimately I get the most satisfaction when I accept the job I am in and focus on bringing my all and my very best. I can then feel the power of what I bring instead of feeling empty while longing for something else. The temptation of wanting to be somewhere else is tantalizing but leaves us empty.
Yes, Suzanne, it is a tell-tale sign for me too if I start thinking about external things that could improve my life somehow, as in that moment I am diminishing the grandness I experience every day by being connected to my soul.
Changing ourselves on the inside is fundamental if we want the outside to change, otherwise things might look different but in truth they are not.
I am in the process of taking responsibility for my interactions with others and actually letting people in, expressing love first.
This is a classic example of running away from what we are feeling and seeing the grass as being greener, but with the realisation that we always take ourselves with us.
It is a powerful realization to know we can instigate change around us by merely living those changes ourselves; no need to try or push just live it to the best of our ability, so simple!
It is actually very empowering to be aware that if we feel unsettled and feel the urge and need to change our environment it is better to stop and feel where this urge and need comes from and why we feel unsettled instead of taking off in our heads to make the change happen because then we don’t feel our bodies anymore which creates even more tension. Plus we always have to come back down afterwards and will not have dealt with the original unease in ourselves.
Indeed Ariana we can change every day and the opportunities are always there, we only have to be open to perceive these. And then we will find that we actually do not have to move house as it has more to do how we move our bodies through life.
Interesting to mention Suzanne that we recently moved back from that sea change location we moved to 14 years ago. As we can see now our move to that more quiet area in the Netherlands was actually to escape the waywardness we were in and it had nothing to do with the location we lived in, as you say, we where equally ‘busy’ with everyday life in both places and on top of that also less engaged with society than we where in the previous place. We were for sure escaping a responsibility in life, to live all that you are wherever you live. That realisation has made us consider to really feel where we want to live and decided to move back to that busy area of the Netherlands we originally came from. And I can say with whole of me that I love it and cannot understand anymore why we ever made the choice to move from here.
Serge Benhayon is a fascinating philosopher who inspires me every day to open to a deeper understanding of the universe and all that is on offer regarding evolution in this life.
‘…change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.’ I have often left relationships saying the other person was the problem and yes, often the behaviours weren’t great but what if I’d expressed love more than I did? For many of the relationships I suspect the other person would have run away faster but then I’d have known. I’d given us the best chance of knowing what was possible or not, and certainly sooner. And this goes for jobs too. I’ve run away myself from jobs only to have changed myself and returned to a particular field.
Home is where our Inner-Most-Heart is and no matter how much we search outside of our True self it will always be waiting for our return.
Changing our scenery can feel like the perfect way to deal with an issue – move schools, jobs, house, country or even just taking a break to ‘get away’. But while the environment outside of us may change, our inner environment doesn’t and this is what will determine our we feel in truth
The restlessness we can experience is only the messenger that there is something in our life we have to look at and take responsibility for and feel what needs to change, so then we have the choice to change our movements instead of our environment.
Annelies this is so true. It’s a real blessing to stop oneself from running and feel what’s driving the restlessness. Even if it’s something painful it can be released and we are free from being pushed around.
What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself. It is actually a disenchantment with my life because of the choices I have been making that I want to run away from. So spot on Suzanne, we can only think we need those things when we are not connected to the magic within ourselves that never has us looking to greener grass or broader horizons because everything we need is within that essence.
No matter where we are in the world it’s really all about how we move, express and connect from our bodies that will bring the true sea change to our lives and then anywhere we go we bring all of who we are with it and that feels sensational.
It is always good to deeply contemplate where one is before changing anything, otherwise we are, as you say, just changing the scenery.
Yes I agree Chris.
I have always wanted to run away to the beach even when I was young. I loved it when we did go to the beach and when times were hard where I lived in the Midlands I used to walk to the motorway bridge and at the cars going down to Cornwall and wish I could be there. So I made Cornwall my mythical land of escape, and when I was there I made Australia or California my land of escape, and when I was there I felt I wasn’t where it was all happening and I missed the UK.
Re-reading ‘It is actually a disenchantment with my life because of the choices I have been making that I want to run away from ‘ really supports me to accept there isn’t a perfect place in geographical terms. It’s the committing to being me, letting go of anything that’s getting in the way of me feeling all of me including any hurts I’m carrying around. Really accepting there’s nowhere to run to means I stop running away, distracting myself with looking at houses in different locations online, or holiday destinations etc. and start accepting myself.
Reading this Karin reminds me of when I lived in London with my young family and how much I longed to return to where I grew up, to bring my children up there and give them the sort of childhood I had had. But looking back now I realise I just wanted to escape from the life that I had created and did not want to deal with the consequences of exposing that. Running away solves nothing in the long run, it just creates more complication.
We can never escape the fact that we are always in a relationship with ourselves, however we do have the power to change the quality of this relationship from one that is disregarding, abusive, dismissive, self-loathing and dishonest to one that is loving, nurturing, honouring and truthful. As when the quality of this relationship changes so too does our relationship with everything else in our lives.
You would have to appreciate those amazing qualities such as “loving, nurturing, honouring and truthful.” So may I add Carola that when we do appreciate these living attributes we evolve.
It is so true that we only have a true ‘sea change’ that actually creates a change is when we have the ‘sea change’ within ourselves.
If we truly love our life, why would we want to be anywhere else. A trip to somewhere else can include taking ourselves with us, rather than wanting to escape.
Thanks Suzanne. This is certainly true for me. I get a restlessness when there is something in my life I need to look at but would rather avoid. I seek distraction through possible house move, job change, or simply an unneeded shopping trip. The great thing is that I am onto it now and am slowly learning that staying with the restlessness pays huge dividends and opens up the possibility to deal with the current situation rather than burying it under a pile of wishes.
The reason why some people can never stay still is because escaping is a temporary illusion – we have to keep moving, keep perpetuating the feeling of something new and different, not having to feel we are the same person where ever we go – if we could stop and come to feel at ease with ourselves, we will be content wherever we are
I do agree with you Rebecca, as this was my experience growing up because we would move every three years. We were told that the new place could offer this or that, but as a child, I always felt unsettled when moving was mentioned.
There’s no change outside if there’s no change inside first… and that change is not to another thing but Us
We can not escape our un-dealt with issues and troubles. We can only resolve them within and move on, as eventually we all will.
We can never run away from ourselves, no matter how many moves we make, we take our baggage with us. For real change and transformation, it is always wise to look to oneself and heal those past hurts and in doing so, we create more space in our body and in our lives to sense our next steps and for the new to flow towards us.
When I finally came to a place of understanding that “you can’t run away from yourself and your choices” it was one of those ‘aha’, lightbulb moments that suddenly made sense of life. I could see that all the moves I made work-wise and living-wise we just that, moves, but all the choices I had made previously went with me, that’s why nothing truly changed. Now I realise that to change anything around me I have to start with making changes within me first.
It was not before meeting Serge Benhayon and then in getting to know him that I came to see that there is a way of living that is fully engaged with life, is vital and even fun. And, as he has most beautifully shown to both myself and all others who are attending the workshops and presentations, this fun, vitality and devotion to life is actually in the smallest details of it, the true magic of us therefore lives in the most basic and perhaps even in the most mundane aspects of our lives. So there is no need to seek excitement or intrigue, because everyday is an adventure when you are simply living in and with the full essence of your soul.
It begs the questions how are we living our daily lives that we seek relief with a sea change or excitement and relief in the next holiday and vacations.
The only true change is love. To face and deal with every choice we have made in lovelessness again with love.
Sometimes, and I find too, that a change of scenery can be what’s required to inspire the sea-change in us – we are talking about a movement, a movement to reset ourselves.
Yes Zofia, I agree I recently moved from the East to the West of Scotland, only because I felt the impulse and because everything was just there waiting for me like a new flat and house mate. In the month I have been living here, I have used the new beginning as an opportunity to further clear out and to start working for myself – having never worked for myself, it’s a big change for a change I am ready for and have been preparing for….
It is interesting how we can search for the changes in another place when the opportunity is always offered to surrender in our current place.
Often we are told to travel to find ourselves, to go out and search and somehow out in the world through our experiances we will find who we are – and in some cases this can be true, but not because who we are is outside of us but because we connect to who we are inside. But we can do this anywhere and any time.
Someone recently told me that if we think the grass is greener on the other side then maybe we should water our own side abit more.
‘The grass is greener’ syndrome seems to be a very common feeling among many. With so many of us feeling dissatisfaction with our lives, it can be easy to assume that a move to a more beautiful place will fill the lack. But as we take us with us, the lack comes too… nothing really changes unless we are prepared to address the emptiness and the searching for ‘the more’ in the first place.
Even if we think we are aware that nothing will change when we go somewhere else to find a new life and know we have to still work with our patterns and all the old stuff in our lives, it is not enough to change them. The change comes from the movement to the deep inside of ourselves. It cannot be thought, only felt, not even seeking it, but knowing it’s there
If we allow ourselves to allow ourselves to be open to that inner space.
“What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself.” This is very pertinent in relation to the ‘holiday culture’ that is so prevalent in today’s society.
Totally Sandra. The restlessness felt within is, as you say,’very pertinent in relation to the ‘holiday culture’ that is so prevalent in today’s society’. And it the reason why so many potentially ‘relaxing’ holidays go so terribly wrong, or become so fraught with tension and conflict.
Whenever life gets too intense it is so tempting to go into that wistful state of longing to be somewhere else. But this does not serve anyone, least of all ourselves. It is just a giving up energy that robs us of our vitality and passion for life.
“change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.“ absolute gold to read today. I know my relationship with myself requires an upgrade and it feels like a mixture of appreciating what is already amazing and honesty of what does not work helps to support this change.
I’ve known people who move every year or every two years, it’s like they have been searching for something and they don’t quite find it anywhere they go. I was pondering for me what the biggest change I’ve experienced is, and I reckon it’s in both getting to know myself more and more every day, and also the moments where I’m tested – because in those moments my principles for life have been formed.
‘It is actually a disenchantment with my life because of the choices I have been making that I want to run away from. ‘ This strikes a very familiar chord! I can look to make sea changes within work, where I want to live, what I want to do with my annual leave and if any of it is fuelled by any element of escapism then I am heading for the same wherever I go or whatever I do as I take my choices with me. Why not allow myself to be honest and admit where I’m at and start with a beautifully honest relationship with myself?
“But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth”. I can remember some years ago wanting to go somewhere else and realising that what I was wanting to get away from was myself and the situation I had placed myself in. You can change the scenery but nothing really changes unless we are willing to look within and make the changes that support us in being more responsible and self-loving and stop looking outside of ourselves for the answers from elsewhere.
What you say makes sense to me Deidre, years ago I realised I had made a gross mistake in a relationship and I always wanted to be somewhere else. When we are not in touch with our bodies and live only from our minds we can make the most horrendous mistakes, the mind justifies but our bodies are actually our best friend and always tell us the truth no matter what. I just chose not to listen and that is my lesson to listen to my body not my mind.
I love this article, as it highlights something I observed while growing up, my parents would get itchy feet and want to be on the move, and that was easy because we were in the Army. So off we trotted every three years to new horizons and some moves were successful and others not so, and some were repeats of previous years. Then I married into the airforce and did the same thing for a further 15 years before we settled in one place. It took me a while to discover that it wasn’t the environment I was not happy with, it was with myself.
Indeed what are we running away from…”What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself.” Often we feel unsettled and think we need to change something, yes sometimes we do, but often that change needs to come from within not through altering our location.
I have tried both versions of this… changing external factors in my life (home, partner, car, job…) or changing my inner landscape (how I speak to myself, take care, take responsibility, approach others…) The latter is the one that is really changing tides…
Sea change, tree change, me change, can either be done in the energy of seeking or avoiding our issues or moving towards or returning to live more of who we truly are.
Such an interesting observation, as I have observed people I know very well to have moved across the world and be met with exactly the same patterns. It shows that there is so much more at play than just the environment, it always comes back to us and our choices first.
I have found sometimes this sea change can be also a focus on the future rather than the present – so while I may not literally move house seeking a better life than the one I have, I may project into the future the wish for things to get better or that one day, when I finish my studies or get this job or have that relationship, life will suddenly be everything I want it to be. But inevitably, it never works out this way because even if I tick all the boxes, life will never look the way I pictured it and I cannot find lasting contentment looking outside of myself be it to a holiday, a new location or the future.
We can never run away through changing environments, partners, job etc. Even though things may look different on the outside we ultimately come up against the same reasons why we may have run away in the first place. Best to remain and deal with whatever you’re trying to run away from. That way change will occur very naturally and won’t have to be repeated…Bonus…
The saying goes…’a change is as good as a rest’, but as we know – once the rest is over and we get back on with life, we can go back into our lives and feel as exhausted as if the holiday, or rest never happened. A sea change is like this, only bigger. We expect our lives to change fundamentally because the setting has changed, but we bring with us old momentums and patterns and life continues in the same vein until we make different choices.
A great understanding and reflection to ponder on why we are seeking a change or sea change as you describe it so clearly and the reality of the contentment from within we can come to first if we chose it.
Sometimes we can get a true impulse of change, of needing to move somewhere else, but this impulse, if true, is never one that is about escape or wanting to leave behind some thing without having dealt with it. Impulses for true change come about when we have an appreciation for our current situation.
There is that saying ‘The Grass is always greener…” – but in this lies a complete lack of appreciation of one’s current grass! When we stop to appreciate deeply what we have in our life in the present moment, then there is a fullness that acts as a foundation for the next steps. Without this appreciation, without this foundation, any next steps are generally done with an emptiness and once the novelty of the new steps have worn away, then there is the same emptiness to confront. Appreciation is thus the key to breaking the myth of the ‘grass is always greener’.
I have heard it said that no matter what you do in life it’s reality will always reflect back you and your choices and what you are needing to learn. We run a million miles from these life challenges or ignore them and think life has to remain that way. Life does not truly change until we learn these lessons heal the energy and make truer and more loving choices.
I always felt restless and would seek new locations, holidays and distractions. Today I am deeply appreciating that I feel an at ease, inner contentment and real purpose. A completely different feeling to how life used to be before I became a Student of the Way of the Livingness.
Life becomes rich in truth when we live responsibly, with purpose.
I think we all know that, the idea that if we change our environment, that our life will change too. Of course on the outer it looks like our life changes but in fact we are still the same and probably have moved all our patterns and behaviours with us that actually are the cause of all the unrest we feel with life in the first place.
Suzanne could it also be that our bodies go through a ‘sea change’ as it updates itself to what is happening all around us. And if we can allow ourselves to feel the tension this produces in our bodies and stay steady while the changes take place by resting and being much more gentle with ourselves who knows we could gain a completely new lease of life. Or we could resist the ‘sea change’ and miss out on a ‘golden’ opportunity to embrace what is on offer to us constantly.
“What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself.” This is so interesting to consider in relation to today’s society where there is so much emphasis on holidays in general, whether its 2 days away by the sea or a month on a remote exotic island that has yet to be touched by tourism. So a question to ask would be why is it that so many people want to leave themselves behind by going away, when we live in a day and age that has pretty much access to everything we could wish for in terms of material things?
Such a common (yet so uncommon) sense approach to change ourselves first and then observe what happens around us rather than forever depending on the outside world to deliver on our expectations.
The search for a much simpler life is something that I can relate to. However it does seem that I can forget this at times and find myself all caught up in the hecticness of what is around me, and, in blaming what is around me for that hecticness, I begin to search for simplicity again. But as time has shown me time and time again, the hecticness that is there is only an influence on how I feel if I allow it, otherwise I actually have the freedom to choose my own responses to it, which can simply be through the movements that I make, which can happen anywhere, busy city, suburb, park, zoo, seaside, forest. So, by this learning it is not the place I am in but the movements that I make which makes for the life that I have.
Sea cognates are like relationships, we often get what we call bored, dissatisfied, annoyed with our striation…relationship and think we need a change, we blame the person or place instead go looking at our responsibility in the situation. The grass is not greener somewhere else, the colour of the grass that we see around us is very much determined by our own perception of that grass. That doe not mean we need to hang on in abusive situations, but its essential that we take responsibility for how we are living and what we bring to life, our location and our relationships.
I am with you Suzanne, cheaper and much more rewarding to change our interior first and then see what environment best supports us.
Reading this didn’t make me want to move to somewhere by the sea but it did make me realise how much I miss just being and walking in nature as I seem to do this less and less. But yes absolutely no matter where we go or move to be; if its down the road or the other side of the world or from one job to another we can only change what we don’t like by truly addressing it and looking/changing the way we live. As others have shared in the comments we need to address our hurts etc otherwise nothing changes. For example I have known people change jobs because they don’t like how something is or a person only to have the exact same thing happen in the new job. If we don’t truly address it it just follows us around until we do!
When we look for something outside of us to fill the ‘gap’ then life can become an uneasy eternal search for something other. I use to feel this way when younger though now as I have turned my sight inward I find there is a wealth to uncover and explore than is ever deepening and fulfilling.
I feel we do know that we need simpler lives, thus a sea change can seem attractive. What we may not be aware of is that it is us who choose to have a busy, complicated life or not and this can be re-created anywhere.
I used to move house a lot every 12 months or so not realising that what I was running away from would come with me.. as it was with me. As I have changed, addressed the hurt that was inside the need to run has stopped and now I can choose to move if I feel it will be evolving and a support to me.
So a new address Ruth doesn’t address unless you address at your old address!
The relationship we have with life is inescapable – even if we move and change everything around us we still have what is within us to connect to. Of course, we can make life all about avoiding that connection and finding relief in the external world and it’s many pleasure and desires – but at the end of the day we still have our body, we are still in our body and having to feel everything we choose and put it through.
I moved to the countryside and sea around 6 years ago, from a big city, the move was neither here or there, yes a different environment, but the reasons I have changed and feel more settled in life is because of the changes I have made within my life. They have started from a relationship with me first, not where I am or what I doing. You can not run away from anything.
True we take ourselves wherever we go, whether down the street or across the globe. The quality of our connection is what holds steady and this foundation moves with us.
What a great blog to remind us the grass is not always greener, always best to check in with ourselves and look at what we have been choosing that is making us feel restless and unsatisfied rather then to look outside of ourselves in pursuit of what could be a never ending journey.
Does not matter were you go, your choices come with you. All that happens is a new environment distracting you for a while, then when the excitement wears off, you are confronted with same, same.
Sometimes we seek change to escape and at other times not changing is a way of escaping – it depends on the situation and I have been in both situations. There are times when an opportunity presents itself and not taking it can be deleterious, at other times what looks like an opportunity is anything but.
A sea change can help to change one´s way of seeing life, ie it can give space to get out of the rut, but just this is not doing any real change unless we make use of the space to reflect, shift our attitude and or intention, check our standards and values and change approach to our way of living and put it into practise.
The deep sea change happens inside us when we feel appreciation for ourselves and so for all and everything around us. When this happens it feels like magic, and it is — it is the magic of choosing one of the two energies available to us, Love and Not Love. Choosing to become aware of what we are dissatisfied with and expose it for what it is, is the first step, quickly followed by an appreciation of ourselves for outing the contaminating factor in our lives that keeps us searching outside for the answer, or the desire for greater ease and comfort. Appreciating ourselves brings an ease and feeling of well being inside ourselves, and then there is no longer a need for all the things we thought we wanted to make life worthwhile because then we feel our own worth.
“It is actually a disenchantment with my life because of the choices I have been making that I want to run away from. But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices.” A very valid point Suzanne. We take ourselves with us wherever we go – be it into a new country or a new relationship. Best to sort out one’s issues and not escape, but to move with purpose to serve in whatever way we can.
If we don’t address the way we relate to situations in life, the way we feel will not change because it is in the end our relationship with life that gives us our experience, not our surroundings.
Even the greatest beauty in nature cannot make up for the lack of beauty within ourselves. The moment we are in the expression of our innate beauty the outer does not define us in any way but we will inspire to transform into its beauty as well.
Yes, it is is quite an insight to know we are even more than nature’s amazing beauty.
Even with reincarnation when we get a new life and a new body we still can’t get away from the imprints we have left behind.
Re-incarnation, the ultimate change! Great point Kathleen, shows the permanency of imprints.
“change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.” a great point and one that is so obvious. However in life we often resist this as most are wanting to change something outside of us to fix things instead of seeing that it is ourselves we have to look at first. Since making my life first about my approach it has transformed for me everything – and that cannot be underestimated.
I think the fact that moving to find a “better life” is so common really demonstrates that everyone knows that something is fundamentally wrong with the way we’re living and that we know there is different way to live life, we just haven’t quite pinpointed that moving is not necessary and the change takes place in us first and foremost.
Honesty is super important element for growth and love. As when we allow ourselves to be honest with our own selves – this changes naturally our flow and connection with others. As we take at least our honesty to our way of living and hence there is less need to change it from the outside (by others), because the power of change ‘sea change’ lies in you.
There is this concept of “the grass is always greener” and when we seek this as a means to escape our current grass patch then we will forever be chasing a dream. Escapism is simply a way to delay dealing with the things that need to be dealt with then and there. So with the utmost love and understanding, we can get to deal with the things and in so doing, we often get to realise how green our patch of grass is below all the stuff we have put on top of it!
So beautifully said Suzanne – this totally nails it: “What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself. It is actually a disenchantment with my life because of the choices I have been making that I want to run away from. But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.”
The true sea changes happen within us and then we get to observe how our lives, relationships and approach to life transform.
Love it Suzanne, and can so relate. I know if I am feeling the need for a ‘sea change’ it is because I am feeling dis-gruntled with myself for some reason. Shift that, and all is right again in my world, just the way it is.
Yes we can only change how we feel inside ourselves by the choices we make on a daily basis. It can seem if we change our environment we feel different too and this is often the case for the first couple of weeks when everything is new, but I found that when we find our way in a new situation the old issues and ways of being start to reappear – which shows only by changing our inside we can change how we feel about the outside.
A beautiful sharing Suzanne and real support to look at ourselves from within to what is really coming up for us to deal with rather than looking to move on somewhere else better without addressing things first and it all following one anyway . Making changes from our hearts is the only way
So true, I was recently having a few challenges in a relationship and was talking about it with a practitioner. He shared, ‘you are still holding the other person to ransom and wanting them to change before you do, why don’t you make the changes and just see what happens, without needing them to be any different’.
This totally nailed what I was doing, it hasn’t been easy but I know it is the way.
Maybe we don´t need as much a ‘sea change’ than a ‘see change’ so that we get aware of what truly counts.
Ha Ha Alex, brilliant play on words!
The grass is only ever greener elsewhere if you haven’t tended your own backyard. If we truly take care of ourselves the world is quite a different place.
Yes, Suzanne, when I look out at external factors that I think will make my life better somehow, I know I have momentarily disconnected from the stupendous love within and around me all of the time.
Ah this sense of a better place is so familiar Suzanne. If I am honest I think this is a philosophy I have had since I was young. I always believed if things were different somehow, if I had a different outer scenario all my woes and ills would be magicked away. But this has changed these days where I’ve finally got to see that I am not a victim of outer circumstance at all, they are here to show me the truth and will follow me wherever it is I live. The fact is the destination I long for isn’t out there – it’s Love and that’s in me.
If we simply open up to the beauty that is around us this can support our own re-connection to clarity and letting go of the intensity we might take on in our lives. A getaway destination might offer temporary relief but until we are honest about what is truly unsettling this feeling will continue to bubble away once we are back in reality. Simpler to look at the reality and go from there – possibly at no extra cost or effort in practical terms.
Very true Suzzanne when our choices match our truth there is no pull to get away from ourselves. This could be the true definition of ‘living the dream’ – that is, our everyday is glorious because we are with, honouring and appreciating ourselves and others based on the quality of our simple everyday choices.
It truly doesn’t take an exotic destination to feel amazing and surrender life’s pressures, this all comes from with-in and with us 24/7.
‘Living the dream’… being in a relationship with ourselves that is founded on appreciation, care and respect, that means we step out into our days ready, willing and inspired to embrace and learn from everything that comes our way.
We will keep finding ourselves in situations that dumbfound us because after ages of carefully strategizing a change, we find that nothing has really changed in our actual relationship with and experience of life. And this will carry on until we get once and for all that it is the innermost that counts.
The feeling of longing to be somewhere else is a wistful feeling that takes us straight out of the reality of where we actually are. This is the desired outcome, but where does it leave us? It leaves us unhappy, unsatisfied and feeling empty. Why would we want that? To stay exactly where we are is where the reality is, and to deal with the issues that are right in front of us is the stuff of life that helps us to grow, feel involved with life and keeps us feeling alive and active. Floating away on a never-ending holiday does nothing for us or for anyone else. It is purely an escape from the life we are meant to be learning how to live.
That is so clearly expressed Rebecca, and very helpful to feel those two different states of being, and how the body responds when reading the descriptions. When I imagine that forever holiday — in the sun, by the sea. — I feel as though I’ve left my body to be in a bliss which I may feel I want, but my body has become limp, lifeless and sluggish. But when I consider staying and embracing the challenge of all that is tempting me to run away, my body becomes vital and alive, even though it may be hurting and hard to stay with. Life is endlessly interesting and expanding this way, but the other is withdrawing and our bodies contract too.
I used to plan my next holiday whilst on holiday and it felt awful, always looking to be where I wasn’t. It has been amazing for me to slowly and steadily come to a place where I am not always looking at perceived greener grass or a future event, but enjoying each moment as a full and complete experience of its own.
It is so much easier to blame external factors for how we are feeling but at some point we need to look within, to face what is blocking the joy and magic of truly being ourselves.
‘But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.’ There are many ways that we attempt to run away from choices, whether by moving or taking a holiday as described here or on a daily basis, through drinking alcohol, taking drugs, indulging in entertainment or excessive work.
It is super cool when we have an idea of what we want from something and start to see the picture that we have created of this and if that is truly what is supportive for us. Starting to ask those questions and actually being willing to see really what I have said yes to is a sobering experience for sure.
I have heard Serge Benhayon presenting about looking to yourself first when there is discontent in a job, relationship etc. We are the one factor we have control over in these situations and the ability to radically change how we are and our approach to life. I have been applying this for some time and the differences are remarkable.
When going for a walk today in the mild autumn sun I connected to the sun, the wind, the trees, the leaves on the ground, the whole atmosphere and space of this beautiful autumn day and helped me to calm down, re-center, deepen myself. Then I went even deeper and by again connecting to and feeling nature I was not anymore the recipient of its rebalancing emanation but equally participating and contributing by knowing myself being part of the greater sphere or space everything is held in. This is as well a kind of science whereby we are not just observers or scientists but also the living object that is being studied and evolved, it is an evolutionary and practical science.
If everyone applied this part that you shared Suzanne to their relationships, I think we would have less relationship issues…’if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.’ I have seen arguments and abuse start because of blame and people not willing to take responsibility for how they feel.
It is similar to the saying ‘money won’t’ buy you happiness’ – money can buy you comfort and security and in many cases it can buy a fleeting happiness in food, holidays, nice things etc but it doesn’t provide you a deep, meaningful and long lasting contentment within yourself, because that cannot be found outside of you, only from within
We are the common denominator in our issues in life and therefore we have the opportunity to deal with them where ever and whatever we do until we learn what they are there to show us.
Love this blog Suzanne, there is such a tension within us all which we often lose the point of what it is communicating to us. The tension and restlessness of not connecting and living fully all of who we are is a niggle so easily over ridden by the stimulation or distraction of moving or a holiday, hobby etc.
So practical, simple and when you consider how this is a common sense approach, which feels like a great way to go, then we can all learn to delve into our own way of dealing with life in a more Loving way. It is as simple as we change our-self then our issues are never the same! Considering the reactions most of us have, then dealing with our issues should be our first go to in all experiences, when we go into any issues, which has to be less than Love as Love has no issues, because it can respond to life in a Loving way.
Just today I clocked my longing for being in nature, living in a remote area was simply missing the stillness within that is not depended on any outer circumstances but something that needs to be cherished and nurtured.
Sometimes changes on the outside reflect changes on the inner and sometimes they don’t. The key is in understanding the difference between the two.
There are so many times where I have convinced myself that a change in jobs, cities, partners, friends or other outside circumstances would make it all ‘better’ only to discover that my issues followed me everywhere I went. The true key to an incredible life is responsibility.
I love this Michael – “Learning cannot be outrun.” Yes, we need to stop, turn round and face what we are running from; and by connecting to ourselves again and looking inside honestly at all the choices we made that has us running away from something, then we have the power to make a difference in our choices and view the whole thing from a point of responsibility, with an opportunity to make a true change in our selves first.
Over the years I have learnt the hard way, that packing up and moving to a new country does not solve or take away any hurts that we feel and that it is impossible for us to leave our hurts behind by picking up sticks and moving. I have also learned that having multiple jobs will not deliver the inner contentment we crave, or for that matter having multiple relationships – the list is endless of ways in which we try to escape from ourselves.
So true as if we do not look within first and ascertain what it is that wants us to move or make a change on the outside, we take all our ‘stuff’ with us to the new …
Does chasing our dreams ever work, for when we get there we are still us from when we started the chase, so surely stopping & going within to look at why, will bring a reality of true change to where we are.. without the chasing.
I often find that it can take a while of making choices that lead to places we don’t actually want to be in order to build up the courage and the conviction to make more loving choices that come from the truth we know and can feel is absolute and undeniable. So the whole process requires lots and lots of understanding and the space to evolve as it needs to as we each explore and discover what the truth truly is.
Earlier in my life I too loved to travel and escape from work and my life going off to some country or other, but now in the last 9 or so years my desire to travel and escape my life have dwindled substantially and would much rather explore my inner world and what makes me who I am in truth.
What Serge presents is fascinating and absolutely awesome in the level of responsibility he shares is possible to be lived and the impact of that.
That´s what I call true and down to earth simplicity – get straight to the bottom of things instead of meandering through lalaland hoping for an imaginary better world.
Suzanne, Thank you for this awesome sharing! Indeed, true change no matter how big or small starts within us first through the energetic quality of our movements for it is only then that change can occur not just for our own benefit but also for the good of all.
I spent many years dreaming about escapes from what felt like the humdrum of everyday life. At a certain point I began to realise that everyday is precious and that I need to appreciate each day rather than wasting the time dreaming……now life is about appreciating the details of being with me in my day.
I have noticed that more and more, advertisements, movies, books and the media are playing into our desire to get away, to escape to paradise. As the intensity of life and the world increases, we have only to options – turn and face it all, see it in all its suffering and rot and then deal with it and ask why society is the way it is, why is it that so many people are seeking any way out they can through the various means available, or we can continue to entrench the behaviours, through holidays and alcohol and drugs, technology and virtual reality, TV, movies and books – even going for a run or meditation can be used to shut out the world for a short time, but shutting it out doesn’t make it go away and not does it address it. What would life look like if people didn’t feel the need to check out from it all, where this wasn’t the accepted norm?
I fully agree with you Suzanne that there are much cheaper ways to change your life than moving houses and changing environments. The problem with the latter is as in the story from the lady in your blog. You will always bring yourself along maintaining the same behaviours, life patterns and way of living wherever you might go in life, so while the environment may have changed, your life actually will be the same.
Yes so how interesting is it that we often escape locations but choose not to deal and get to the nitty gritty of what is truly going on in every moment. Views changed but the reality hasn’t.
This testimony to Serge Benhayon’s wise philosophy is very relevant for me at the moment; ‘Serge Benhayon is a fascinating philosopher who talks about these kinds of things all the time and I once remember hearing him presenting something like if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.’ I am just about to sign some papers on something huge and my ‘partner’ in it is suddenly going into doubt about finance. I wanted to blame this person but I knew that was unwise and so I have just felt that what I am doing is true for me so that I will go ahead and leave them free to make their own decision – one that is true for them – no matter how ‘inconvenient’ it is for me!
It is so easy to find something to blame outside of us for our problems or dissatisfaction with life and this includes our environment, home, work and relationships etc, but what I have come to realise is that whatever is happening around me is usually a reflection of something I need to learn for myself or it is teaching me something I need to look at or develop in myself so when I feel a change is coming these days I try and start with me first and what do I need to change in me.
Absolutely Andrew, when looking for changes and feeling dissatisfaction, looking at what it is showing me is going on first, honestly is the only true way to really understand and make changes within.
The most effective way to change our environment if we truly feel like something is missing is to change the environment we spend the most time in; our body.
It’s very true Susie. Our most immediate environment is the body we live in. Everything is experienced from that.
It is impossible to run away from what there is to learn, having appreciation is a way of life, it won’t be found by moving around or escaping. Joy in the details of life brings appreciation. I agree look within not out to find out answers…
I love this blog and I can relate to that restless feeling of wanting a new job, different people to live with, a new partner etc. It does not matter what it is we feel we want to change, what matters is that we make the charge within ourselves and allow whatever comes after that.
I can fully agree with you Elizabeth. After having many experiences in my life in trying to change the environment I work and live in, I too have found that we can only change ourselves and that the environment we are in is only the reflection of where we innerly are at but will reflect the same wherever we are.
I simply love this and it’s my experience. I remember coming back to work from all those holidays and within a day or two not feeling like I’d even left. This showed me that things never leave us, we can heal them and deal with them but there is no escaping them. You can have a break from them as long as you know that when you ‘come back’ all will be the same. Life isn’t about doing everything on your list so that you can do something else its about truly being with whatever is in front of you and in that you have no need to be anywhere but where you are at.
We can make decisions and big ones at that which we think are true but they are made in reaction to life. Getting to know myself so that I know when I am reacting supports me to know what is true and what isn’t.
I am moving house in 10 days and I am very mindful that I am not expecting any of my patterns will magically change in my new location. Moving is a great chance to re-imprint but this is an ongoing choice and activity that can be done no matter where you live. It is great to be reminded that our inner compass of contentment is indeed internal and is not based on any external factors.
I have suddenly realised that all my life I have actually never been a getaway person, but have always enjoyed the daily rhythm of living at home and working and then maybe having a day at the weekend where half of that day was spent having a swim in the sea. I was married, however, to a real ‘getaway’ person and intrepid traveller! So I got to see and live in many countries in the world and really enjoyed this very much. Many years ago we spent a lot if time on a particular Greek island which was not a tourist island and we almost bought a getaway place on the very southern tip of Greece which was idyllic – but I knew that this was not what life was about, and that such a place belonged to my past lives. I knew that it was how I was that mattered and not where I went. I am amazed actually as this is all unfolding in my memory that I knew the energy of this and did not get swept up in the ‘having to get away’ thing. The way I live now, post Universal Medicine is quite ‘austere’ in some ways. I only go away for three days (approx.) a year to see my daughter and granddaughter in Sydney, and just keep working everyday and live a beautiful rich life.
Whenever and wherever we go the one thing that always comes with us is our self. Change you rather than attempting to change the world and then your world will change.
We always want what we don’t have be that physical or material, it is only when we look within and live from there that we stop looking outside of ourselves.
We can make as many outer changes as we want to but unless we change our inner world we will keep repeating our patterns, maybe a different flavour, but ultimately the same.
There is something about the sea that calls to us and that we seek when we are going through a transitional period. I have found that it can have a very cleansing effect on us without us even diving into it. Just the mere sound of it or the smell of the salty air through our nostrils is enough to get this process in motion. If we use this wisely, then we can avoid falling into the trap of the escape of it all and instead use the time spent contemplating the necessary transition that needs to take place within us and the lives we live. That is, if we have strayed too far from ourselves we can use nature and all that is Divinely created to help bring us back so that we can continue forth in connection to a greater purpose in life – the return to our Soul.
Its not until we are willing to look inside ourselves and how we are living that things will start to truly change. Any kind of external change can only ever be a temporary ‘fix’, and will only bring some kind of distraction until we choose to live in a different way.
I can so relate to the philosophy of Serge Benhayon as he makes complete sense to me, I am having a go at changing a relationship by changing myself and how I view myself and my expectations. And I can feel as I change it gives space for other to change how they are with me so it is very much a win, win situation where everyone benefits.
Absolutely Suzanne reviewing our choices and looking at how we can make supportive changes is far cheaper and much more effective than doing a ‘geographical’. The movement needed is returning to our true selves.
Our perception of what is outside of us is heavily influenced by our experiences and assumed understand from these. To see clearly and understand any place we find ourselves in life it is always going to serve us more greatly to ensure our perception is based on a clear view.
Learning to deal with life’s pressures, in a healthy way, supports a deeper contentment to be where we are at…otherwise we take our relationship to life everywhere we go and nothing changes.
Change is good as it is often exactly what we need to let go of old patterns and behaviours. But it is always good to discern if it is the next step or we are disenchanted with our life and choices and so wanting to escape, which never works as wherever we go, our way of living follows us as is highlighted with the writer in this blog.
‘But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.’ I amaze myself at how much energy I put into running away only to come to accept that all I do is go round and round in ever tighter circles. When I stop and admit my choices and am willing to accept the consequences and make a move to live in truth, that’s when I walk around and around but in more expanded circles that feel so much more freeing, no need to run away which is just an illusion anyways.
Until we unpack our bag of ideals and beliefs any change will bring the same old patterns that will always disconnect us from our natural essence. So it is up to each of us to start to unpack our bag then we can bring about our own healing so our life can become one of Love and evolution.
No matter where we are life will provide the exact experiences we require to have the opportunity to learn. If we move, they just move with us. Learning cannot be outrun.
Brilliant! About 6 months ago now, I moved from Melbourne to Byron Bay. It didn’t feel like an escape, despite it being a choice many were envious of. I made the move simply to mix things up as I was in the perfect position to and I was under no illusion that my life would automatically be more ‘bliss’. People are constantly asking me how I’m finding it, and how’s the lifestyle, and I often respond by saying; ‘ to be honest, it’s not really any different. I get up early, go to work, come home, have dinner, go to bed and then do it all over again’. The scenery is different, and I love that part, and it’s true that everything including people is slower paced (much to my city-girl frustration), but who I am and how I handle life is the same, and I’m certainly not void of creating problems and complications in my life because I live up the road from the beach. But, like anything, I have been offered opportunities to step it up a notch within myself, but that can happen anywhere.
If only we are willing to face our restlessness we will have no need to escape but will be given entry into the most beautiful place and space that has ever been known – our true selves.
Is it also about appreciating what we already have? So often I have taken things for granted until they are not there. Moving abroad when I was younger really helped me to appreciate so much that I had not recognised as supporting me in my everyday life.
Yes Helen, always a good reminder to appreciate what we already have, for example I appreciate how I can trust my body for all the wise and timely communication it gives me, which leads me onto appreciating how I honour my body (through self-care and self-nurture) for it to communicate with me so easily, and well there is so much more, but that alone is amazing as it is.
The inescapable fact is that ‘our body goes with us wherever we go’. If we are in dis-connection from our body, there is always a deep-seated restlessness that craves something to satisfy itself. Unfortunately it is only a temporary satisfaction that is always craving for more distractions in the external world and looking for the ‘dangling carrot’ of enticement to move on to the perceived greener grass elsewhere.
When life gets a little too intense it is natural for us to want to escape it. But from experience if I stay and face the issues that have arisen I feel more alive than ever before. Why would I want to miss out on that?!
I do so agree Rebecca, having run away and tried to avoid difficult situations all my life, I now turn myself around and face the challenges knowing that there is something there I need to learn. It always brings about the reward of a deeper relationship with myself and others, and is infinitely rewarding as it allows me to grow and expand.
That is so true, you can’t run away from ourselves or our choices, although a lot of us will try our damnedest to, or numb ourselves beyond feeling, but at the end of the day we go to bed with ourselves and wake up with ourselves.
Even when we achieve the picture perfect life, we still come to a stop and question why things are still not adding up and why we still feel lacking. I’ve had a sea change recently but it totally came as an unexpected surprise, and with leading it in a quality of purpose and the next step (rather than from seeking relief) – it has been a totally amazing and supportive experience.
Do we really need a sea-change? Or do we more need a gentle walk to move our feet, our toes, our legs, our arms, our hands/fingers, our body…to feel connection, to feel ourselves inside our body, to feel how our thoughts affect our body and wellbeing…. whether we’re by the sea, in flight or on land.
If we are able to work from anywhere then we may choose to live in really beautiful places. That is fun but it still means that life will go on with everything that is part of it.
Thank you Suzanne for a very interesting and relatable blog. Years ago I remember when we moved to more coastal area I realized that we take ourselves (problems and all ) with us. That was confirmed by my connection to Universal Medicine and the wonderful and truthful teachings of Serge Benhayon. This was a big learning curve for me and inspiring me to look within!
The unrest is on the inside and once we recognise that we can start to choose our own stillness
I left London for a Scottish Island when my late husband died. It had always been our “dream”, and I fulfilled it five years after died. I left behind my support systems and many responsibilities. I knew we take our baggage with us, but I also felt I was going towards a new life in a new island community. This did not happen, I was ill when I went, had two hip operations there, and continued to be ill for the four years I stayed there. I took all
my old patterns with me of striving and driving myself, and in the end came to realise that I had been living my husband’s dream not mine! It was a classic case of withdrawal from life, and now I am back south again I feel I have come home to myself, and have no desire to go back to there or any place like it. It did cure me of a lot of fantasies, a big learning, so not wasted.
I love your honest sharing Joan, and how many of us have had this experience of living some-one else’s dream, which will never work out as you highlighted because it does not belong to us but to the other. So I guess the message here is to be always true to yourself, or what I always say to my daughter, follow your heart.
Not wanting to escape from our lives is surely an important way to want to live. My boyfriend years ago gave me some good advice to live life as if you won lottery it would just make every thing easier, in essence the same thing to live life to your fullest.
The bounty of God comes in abundance when we simply trust in our divine connection to our essence or inner-most.
I was taking to someone recently about the fast approaching stress of Christmas and they shared that usually they would be reaching for their passport, planning the next place they could go to, to escape and the instant they returned the same need to leave would be on them. But they expressed how this year, they wanted to say put and work on being happy where ever they are. I feel this is huge because as a society we are always told to seek outside of ourselves for the solution – to travel, to seek, to explore and in doing these things somehow stumble across who we are, or find the happiness, contentment and peace that was otherwise alluding us – but when we stop still for a moment or more, what do we feel – is this sense of happiness and peace lasting or is it something we have to chase? If we can find contentment and joy exactly where we are from within, we wont ever need to look outside ourselves.
At one point in my life I left what was a very busy city life working in a corporate environment and did the sea change’ up to an idyllic seaside town, which is regarded as a piece of paradise here in Australia. At first it was lovely, but pretty soon, the same feelings of angst and tension that I had back in the city were back with me… because those unreconciled emotions had never left. It was then that I realised no amount of sea changes and no amount of running away will have you escape from ourselves and the choices we have made. It is only by making that inward journey that we pick up those pieces in disarray and ever so gently put them back together again in a harmonious flow. And then there is that beautiful and steady feeling of knowing we are settled, regardless of where we find ourselves to be. This journey within is the most precious and glorious one we can ever make.
The pursuit of a sea change just gives more power to the external – that same external that pulled us away from who we truly are in the first place.
It might be a bit abstract this but it struck me how daft the expression ‘sea change’ actually is and in fact how it perfectly illustrates the exact opposite of what it is intended to illustrate – in that a ‘sea change’ doesn’t truly change anything. The sea often changes; flat calm, stormy, huge waves, gentle ripples….but no matter what is going on, it is still always the sea – it in fact never changes. As it is with us, we can storm, still, shout, crash, roll, ripple…but we will always be the same.
Maybe whoever coined the ‘sea-change’ phrase unconsciously knew this too – the phrase was never accurate in the first instance…the sea is constantly changing.
‘Sea-change’ was originally coined by Shakespeare in The Tempest to describe the transformation of the drowned body into the ‘matter ‘ and forms of the sea:’ Of his bones are coral made. Those are pearls that were his eyes . . . Into something rich and strange’. In other words it was not saying that the sea never changes, it was saying that the flesh and cells of the drowned body are changed by the sea. In the 19th century the term began to be used as meaning of profound transformation of any sort. (And of course it meant that too in The Tempest where all the characters have been thrown into the sea in a shipwreck and have an opportunity to see their lives anew and change their habitual and ingrained behavioural patterns). It was only in Australia, I think, that ‘sea change’ became transformed into a trope meaning ‘escape’ ‘getaway’ !
Awesome blog Susanne especially to cover that old notion that the grass is greener on the other side which is normally when we want to run away from our lives and more to the point our choices! Stopping and taking time out of our every day routine can show us so much and also show us our very next steps, in other words new choices to make that will align us to our future and to where our Soul knows where we want to be. We just have to get ourselves ( our mind) out of the way!
‘People choose such a move for many reasons, perhaps because they become restless and crave a change in circumstance, perhaps they feel the pace of the city has become too much and want a simpler life’ …. what we are feeling is tension from a knowing that there is more, that there is another way to live which truly honours who we are and everyone else equally so. The change we seek is to re-connect to all that we hold within. No moving vans required, just a choice to be who we truly are.
We cannot outrun what is there for us to learn, no matter how we try to make changes the same situation will lovingly play out so that we can learn to make different choices rather than follow the same patterns which create the feelings that we then want to leave behind.
Good point Michael, the repetitive cycles we find ourselves in are our best teachers, constantly asking us in their loving way to make different choices.
Brilliant Suzanne, a drop of inspiration for us all before we move house, change our cars, walk away from a relationship, dye our hair, go shopping… always checking in first about the impulse behind any action… is it to escape and/or avoid something or is it to develop, learn and grow? I know that some of my ‘bravest’ moments have been when I haven’t run away or distracted myself from what I am feeling.
I love how you have brought it down to the very practical examples – it doesn’t have to be a huge gesture moving countries – but it’s the little things like dyeing our hair or even wanting to go out for dinner. We should forever be asking ourselves, ” is it to escape and/or avoid something or is it to develop, learn and grow?”
This is an awesome reminder to not run away from life but look at what part we play and start taking responsibility, otherwise we will recreate the same scenes on a different patch of land.
Sometimes we feel like a change of scene and surroundings will somehow change how we feel – and yet, the constant projection of contentment and happiness forwards onto some future time and picture steals our very real opportunity to be fully present and joyful in the moment whatever it looks like.
Sometimes I find I’m looking for a holiday to be spent somewhere in the snow, surrounded by those magnificent snow covered trees and mountains for the deadening stillness that I feel when I’m there. I’m pretty sure this pull is a message to deepen stillness in me.
The question that came so clearly to me is….could you be the sea change you are looking for?
Beautifully captured Sarah. Everything we ever end up looking for is within us.
Anything else will at best be a temporary fix and at worst a complete wild goose chase
Love this line Golnaz, ‘…a complete wild goose chase”! Enormous effort expended, and no result.
We don’t have to move towns or countries in order to escape. We can just as easily escape into our minds. Anything to not be present where we are.
I agree Rebecca we have many ways to escape the tension we feel from not living a loving life and sometimes we think moving to a new location is like having a clean slate, starting afresh; but if we haven’t resolved our issues before moving we will simply take them with us. I have tried this out many times and I find my patterns and behaviours don’t shift unless I let them go through my own choosing and healing.
Day dreaming , sea change, its all the same as we wish ourselves to be somewhere else, or even someone else…. but we are already perfectly fitted out, and don’t need anything else but to re-discover the glorious inner depths of our true and natural selves.
If we put the same amount of time, attention and money that we put into planning holidays, into nurturing and blossoming what we already are, then we could never feel the need to run away from ourselves. We are being sold lies and quick fixes and we are willingly buying them.
This is a great expose of the fact that all our issues with life are always as a result of what needs to be addressed within us. Nothing ever changes with us rearranging the external alone.
Yes, that can be helpful or creating a lot of issues. Going to the wrong place can take years to recover from.
Different scenery but same people carrying out the same behaviours and patterns – it is little wonder that the outcome remains.
Observing ourselves closely and with honesty enables us to see our patterns, behaviours and ways – to assess whether they are indeed serving us or if they bring unneeded complexity, distraction and escape into our lives.
A dose of honesty to add to Suzanne’s beautiful article… a winning combo.
Suzanne it is no coincidence that a holiday is also refereed to as an ‘escape’ but the truth is there is no escaping ourselves and so we might as well stand our ground and sort ourselves out. Once we’ve sorted ourselves out then it doesn’t matter where we are because everywhere feels equally good.
I looked up Shakespeare’s poem from the Tempest which is the original source of this phrase. It begins “Full fathom five thy father lies” and ends:-
Nothing of him that doth fade
But doth suffer a sea-change
Into something rich and strange.”
This seems to infer to me that letting go of all that is precious to me, (in the poem it is life), allows a greater richness and preciousness to happen. It is so evocative of surrender in this poem, the willingness to let go of all that we cling onto and let ourselves truly feel the Love and Truth available. A sea change therefore is very profound and so much deeper than changing location!
I love the practicalness of this article Suzanne. Its interesting that we can think by changing our circumstances/relationship/surroundings that our lives will change. But in truth nothing will change until we are willing to be honest about how we are living, accept that even some of our smallest choices do not support us and only by changing how we live and move will our lives begin to truly change.
I have a friend who has returned from 6 years living abroad he is living at home, restless, hasn’t got a job and is driving his father crazy I’m told. What I have discovered for myself is that if we don’t deal with our issues they just follow us around until we do. Living abroad was a huge distraction for a while but the issues are still there until dealt with.
I used to feel ‘The grass was always greener somewhere else.’ However since coming home to be in my body – and on the whole staying there – I’ve been content being wherever I am. We take ourselves with us wherever we go…
I feel the same applies to our work and places of employment and this has come up for me at times, feeling a new job is needed. In actual fact I have learnt that when I am with me what I do within my job feels totally different and I realise that the other feelings I have had are what is going on for those around me and the environment it creates.
Is a sea change just a more beautiful view while we go shopping, watch tv and watch time tick by in our same old comfort?
‘…if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.’ This is brilliant and so simple what you’ve shared Suzanne. Blaming each other in any relationship never truly works because when we do this, we are ultimately avoiding taking responsibility and avoiding love.
We can live anywhere in the world, in any weather and any circumstance, and it will not be the making of us nor need it be the breaking of us. For we take our quality wherever we go, and if we are in struggle then the struggle comes along to the greatest idyll, just as the beauty within us comes along to the bleakest places. Perhaps it is a question of how we value ourselves, and how we commit in practical ways to valuing our qualities and wishing for them to be felt wherever we reside.
“I recently read an article in a magazine where the writer felt that her life was fine enough but humdrum: drive the children here, pick up the groceries there, watch telly at night and spend weekends making to-do lists ..” – hm yes, funny when we realise [as your story later unfolds Suzanne) that the humdrum is never in the activity we do but there living inside oneself to affect ordinary every day life with the same quality too.
I love this as I can find myself watching a TV programme just for the scenery and then spending hours looking at the cost of flights etc. But when I actually ask myself whether I do want to travel to places I actually don’t – well there are about 3 places I’d like but that’s because it’s to visit family or friends and recharge. But what led me to want to take a break? Or feel a little jealous of people I know taking holidays and having time to catch up on things? It’s me not living in a way that supports me so really, why not change this and then all I have that is actually fun to do can be done. And I know all the usual things like sight seeing, tours, museums, don’t actually interest me.
” if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.” Great words of wisdom, don’t sit there and blame, but get up and take responsibility. Our live changes with our choices and our movements, I have listened to these same words and taken responsibility and made changes in my live and l love it.
‘Wherever you go in the world, there you are’ this is a phrase I have often used to friends or family who say ‘I’m getting out of here’ because wherever we are in the world, the situations we need reflected to us for learning will always be created and recreated until we get it.
Yes Doug, the meaning you know is the traditional meaning of ‘sea change’. But in the nineties (I think) and Australian TV series came out which was called ‘Sea Change’ about a doctor who left her husband (again I think, didn’t see it) and move to a new life by the coast – then this became a popular Australian saying meaning to change locations or go on holiday.
When I was young my husband and I travelled a lot – to Greece, Italy, France, Denmark, Morocco, Germany, Austria, Prague etc. – I loved it but was always very glad to settle into a routine and get home. Now I am not in a position to travel like that and I rarely have a holiday – only a Retreat once a year and possibly a weekend or two in Sydney to see my daughter and granddaughter. But because of the inner connection I now have I never feel as if I have to get away – I love living my everyday life.
We often run with the illusion that if we change our outward appearance, or our circumstances that we will be different ourselves, but this is just one of the many ways in which we deceive ourselves. Nothing on the outside will ever change what we feel inside, and no amount of running away from ourselves will ever bring us the feeling of inner contentment with ourselves and who we are.
Thank you for the blog Suzanne. Always great to have a true perspective on a topic people invest an outcome in. You do see it all the time people investing in their environment, their home materialistic comforts, a weekend or holiday ‘away’. Little do you see that investment in their bodies and implementing that change within.
I moved a few times recently to live and also stayed in hotels for a short time. All were different and had their perks as well as their negatives, but what was fun was keeping myself feeling good on the inside no matter how it felt around me. This kept me focused on my quality and rhythm working to maintaining how I wanted to feel.
This reminds me of a sea change I made. The scenery changed and was distracting for a while, but the same issues I thought I had escaped from soon showed up again.
It’s such a common thing to want to run away from reality and escape to somewhere else. But the reality is that reality is everywhere. There is nowhere we can go that is not reality. We have the same responsibility everywhere we go. There is no escape.
I’ve observed that people have more and more holidays or short breaks away than ever before. Few stop to question why this is so or what is it they seek, that can’t be found deep within. Planning frequent holidays has become a way to distract ourselves from feeling what is truly going on in our lives.
That is exactly so – when we migrated from the UK to Australia – we took everything with us, only to find that half the stuff we brought we never unpacked at all – same goes for our inner baggage – taking it with us and not ‘unpacking’ it either, eventually it becomes rather heavy and no amount of moving around will change that.
“… make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.” – this sounds the real deal – checking in with ourselves in truth and then evaluating any choice we are contemplating, is what we are choosing coming from connection with ourselves or is the choice run by something else entirely….
Love your blog Suzanne – very clear and there is no way around the fact that often we tend to do things because we ‘belief’ that the grass is greener on the other side. It is really asking of us to ponder deeply why we may desire a change – is it because we really need to logistically etc or is it out of a need to ‘run away’ ? Pondering on this may bring up quite some insights …
When we choose to connect to ourselves, to our essence within, there is no longer any need or craving to seek something outside of us… being with our innate beauty, joy, truth and wisdom is very settling.
I call these ‘ Staycations’ Gill and you’re right, they are amazing. We have a lot of fun at home enjoying our space together and also when I’m the only one home.
What a wise father Doug.
This is gorgeous. Because it will expose that if we go to truth then it will expose if the relationship is actually there to be of a true reflection or if it was entered into for other reasons.
I remember a time when I loved going to hotels until I purchased a good quality mattress for my bed. To my great surprise my desire for hotel rooms disappeared. Suzanne, you seem to be very correct that the yearning may have more to do with what we are doing at home than anything else.
This is such a great advice that when we are seeking a change in the hope that ‘the change’ will give us what we feel is lacking in our lives, it is our relationship with ourselves and our lives that needs addressing. How often have we jumped to the next job, home, relationship and so on and once the novelty has run out found that we were in exactly the same boat?
That grass is greener philosophy has been a prevalent one in our society, especially with the intensity life is lived with now. What we will one day understand is that there is a plan, a grand plan, and serving that plan leaves no desire for any other grass – so to speak.
We are have at some point got caught in the “grass is greener philosophy”, to later be disappointed in the outcome. But what we have not stopped to address that we are the common denominator in the puzzle so we have to start with working on self first, and this from within.
So true Michael, the desires seem to fall away quite simply and naturally when the purpose of life is embraced.
We live on a giant sphere that spins in space within a great cycle of time. This means that we are continually presented again and again with the same ‘day’ each time our great globe completes one orbit around the sun. That is, every day we are presented with the same opportunity to reimprint our movements throughout this day with all the love that we are until such a time that we have healed the earth of all that we have walked that is not of this love (the energetic imprints we leave behind). Because we avoid this moment of reckoning we are faced with each day, we have cunningly invented an intelligence that is based on a linear concept of time thereby creating a seeming loophole through which we can escape and ‘leave it all behind’ us, none the wiser that we are carrying it all with us wherever we go until we reconnect with our true self, our Soul and allow this love to impulse forth our every move. Then and only then will the wisdom within us begin to alter the landscape through which we walk.
Yes, we try what works after we have tried everything else.
I love this reminder that we are going around the sun and rotating on our axis, repeating the same day, every day, and the same year, every year. When I choose to face my ‘moments of reckoning’ a healing happens and something I used to call an issue no longer is one.
Our inner environment has more of an effect on us than our outer environment. If we ignore the changes that are required within, there will always be an unsettlement that no change of scenery can address.
Vicky great point you make we have to work on the inside of us first, make those loving changes that would support our bodies, and with that the outer changes automatically in line with the flow.
I absolutely know without a doubt that if I start thinking about moving to the country (or just ‘not here’) that I need to look to myself and reconnect to the simple truth that I love me. As soon as I do all thoughts of a sea change are gone. This is a miracle for me as I spent the best part of the first 36/37 years of my life living in a fantasy world, wishing my life was different, picturing myself in my alternate life and never feeling content with my real life. Deepest heartfelt thank you Serge Benhayon.
I used to need to be in places of beauty, so that it would help me feel better on the inside…. but the beautiful thing is that now I know how to connect to myself, no beautiful place matches the feeling I have when I truly connect to the stillness and spaciousness inside. When I need the relief of being in a beautiful place its a sure sign my own connection to me has faltered.
And to add to this Rachel, that beautiful feeling when you do connect to yourself often results in you then being able to find and truly see beauty all around you, particularly when it’s not that stereotypical kind of beauty.
I once sought out tropical island beaches and hopped from one to the other thinking I would find my paradise. But all you ever really take with you is yourself and your relationship with yourself is where any “paradise” you are looking for lies. Nothing external will ever deal with inner turmoil. These days I live in the suburbs and have never been more content.
Keeping on moving location is not moving on at all but holding us back in old patterns. The sea change has to happen inside us, as you say Suzanne, to bring about a different and more honest view.
I agree Joan, changing our environment doesn’t change our inner state, old patterns or undealt hurts. We can choose to heal and make changes through taking responsibility for what is occurring and the environment we create without going anywhere.
‘What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself’ What a great revelation, and a beautiful way of understanding the reflection offered.
It doesn’t matter if our surroundings change, we are the same person wherever we take ourselves – if there is a situation that we want to get away from, I have often found it will follow me just in another guise until I stop and deal with it so it never needs to return. Equally, if we can find joy, contentment and love in our lives unattached to anything outside of us, we will never need to seek for anything or anyone to deliver it to us.
Lately, I have been having a lot of conversations with people who are looking forward to their retirement, and I have been observing within these conversations that there are specific pictures of what this retirement will look like, down to the last detail. This to me seems like the same scenario where everything will be perfect when this type of thing happens.
I too am often around people looking forward to their retirement. The ‘pictures’ you speak of are ideals of what someone desires or expects for their time, but so very often, ideals and expectations are never met, often reality falling well short and retirement turns into a long period of gradual depression and decline for them. By all means change what you need to with your work as you age, but expectations that the new ‘something’ will make life better is of great concern.
This is a fantastic revelation. It is simple to begin to change our daily choices but it is not always easy. Your blog inspires me to deepen the relationships I have with the people I live with.
“I look at the concept of the sea change like this too – changing our environment in the hope of feeling more settlement with our life won’t work: change who we have become first, then see how life looks like then.” This makes absolute sense. It’s truly about taking responsibility for our own outcome.
I had the ‘grass is greener’ mentality for most of my life, and it became really apparent that this was due to an inner discontent. Wherever we go, we take our selves along with us, so our environment is never going to be the determining factor of whether we find joy and true settlement.
Much time can and for me has been spent in wanderlust, a better job, a more vibrant location, “what if that had worked out, what if this”. But it is all an energetic pattern, a heavily repeating state of being, and the real question is whether there is a willingness and commitment to break the pattern of wishing for better, and living where I am and making it all it can be.
Your blog reveals the unsettlement of todays society. It is seen in moving somewhere else or changing your partner all the time and not really committing to what is actually there and in front of you. It has this speed and not wanting to look at your own stuff in life that causes the quick changes or constant frustration in peoples life with the outer. The change is only a different scenario, because in fact you can´t run away from your things you need to look at.
Thinking that our problems our caused by our environment instead of the choices we make can create a lot of resentment and self-fury. It is like thinking we now got everything we wanted and still are not able to change… This can be very self-destructive. So it is good to know that the truth is our problems can never be caused by our environment alone, it is first the choices we have made to lead to the end result we do not like.
I recently retired for the second time. Only two employers, in 40 years sounds like a boring CV but what I did in that time with just the bullet points covered five pages. I have 17 years before I can retire again from my current job. I had when I last retired a lovely big house is a quiet Oxford village that we had lived in for three years, and we moved to London for I saw no purpose living in this idyllic place. Now, my working day including commuting, to the centre of London is 13 hours and I love it.
This is great article – most of us, if not all, would relate to the tantalising sea change, the escape to somewhere else. I used to be addicted to it, always having the travel bug which really was the ‘run away’ bug. As you so well put it Suzanne, it would be me wanting to run away from myself.
It feels like an illusion to think that a change of scenery will create a change of perspective, because actually to change perspective simply is to move differently within all the little parts that make up the one whole daily routine that is life itself.
In my twenties and working in the US at a summer camp, I was drawn to stay and not return to the UK. Something deep within told me to do so would be wrong. I had unfinished business at home and my responsibility was to return home and attend to my affairs. Often in life our soul speaks to us very powerfully, and if we listen can be guided to make a true choice rather than one that stems from fear or restlessness. I gained much more by staying with myself and facing my responsibilities at home, than running away from them.
This sounds like a story that needs to be told too Kehinde. I think eventually we will all come to the conclusion that we do in fact gain much more by not running away, and staying with whatever the issue and dealing with it.
‘What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself’. Great to arrive at this level of self awareness. Being present with ourself and living life purposefully in the here and now, lessens the need to ‘want to get away.’
There is an expression “Home is where your heart is”, so why would we want to leave home?
I know that phrase too Otto. I guess the explosion of travel websites and this sea-change concept are showing us all that so so many of us have made a home that isn’t a very nice place to be in. Any where is better, which is a pretty major concern.
A friend of mine once gave me a brilliant greeting card. A comic strip of a man climbing a huge mountain; he finally reaches the top only to find an exact copy of himself standing on the peak. The caption is “John’s rather disappointed when he found himself” The point being that whatever mountains we climb, holidays we go on or adventures we pursue, nothing changes who we are and until we start to look inside of ourselves for the path back to our truth, then we will always be on a wild goose chase.
Holidays are like trying to go someplace to get away from your feet.
I like that comic! And it will never satisfy you, even when you reached the picture , the “mountain” or ideal, there will be a sense of- there must be something better, higher. It is like an addiction, which never stops, unless you decide to settle in yourself and value what you have and that it is perfectly constellated for you what you need to grow in life.
Its amazing though how much our life can change when we change ourselves and we don’t have to go anywhere.
And how amazing it can feel when we simply surrender to all of who we naturally are. I’m amazed at the beauty I feel in the simplest of things today.
“….if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens” – such is the beauty of self-reflection that awakens the boon of self-responsibility.
‘The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence’ is a quite acute disease that we as a race suffer from and inflict upon ourselves. The saying has been traced back as far as Ovid (c.73BC) but no doubt goes further back. This stance is part of our unease, our discontent as a result of seeking outside ourselves for fulfilment instead of deeply reconnecting to our innate multidimensionality wherein lie all the riches of heaven.
All of life, when you think about it , is geared to distract us away from looking within.
This blog reminded me of how I chose a ‘sea change’ for over 20 years in my younger years to dash off overseas for trips during the summer breaks. There was no part of the world I had not ventured to with copious photos and memories galore. Yet each time I came back the same level of emptiness was felt. The sea change fights the changes we want to feel from within and it is when we make the choices to make this – any holiday, get away or sea change fails in comparison to what we have connected with and are living from within.
‘ any holiday, get away or sea change fails in comparison to what we have connected with and are living from within.’ You have expressed this beautifully Natallija.
Spot on Suzanne, unfortunately we cannot escape ourselves and what we chose to live. What we live is housed in our bodies, so it is the livingness of our everyday that needs the change.
Yes Kim, ‘we cannot escape ourselves’. And when connected to our true self, we love and embrace all of life, there’s no desire to escape.
Even though I moved country with my family for a true purpose, before leaving I found myself daydreaming about what would be different. Like not needing to do this job again or see this person or having more time together as a family. The real funny thing is, yes at first so much was different but once we got settled the day to day tasks and interactions were just the same. We can’t get away with or have things miraculously change if we are not changing how we are and the way we respond and move in life.
It is even funny, when we realize this.. The question is, how many times do you need to move or change partners, before you realize your stuff and things you need to work on, will come with you every time. Some people live their whole life like this- chasing from one thing to another ( it could be job as well) . Waiting for THE job, THE partner, THE house. Never achieving the picture. What a waste of time.
I love that the writer was honest to say despite moving to a beautifull location nothing had changed. Many people would not want to admit this and instead want to pretend to others that everything is amazing. During a mental health first aid course I attended in the week a friend said she has a friend like this who very often has breakdowns but you would not be able to tell this from her social media and what she puts on it which is all smiles!
It is never the environment that will bring change in how we live, it is the choice to connect to who we are on the inside which will deliver true simplicity.
Great call Suzanne it absolutely would be the cheaper way of doing it. I moved to London 17 years ago and I have people always ask me why did you leave such a beautiful country and yes it is beautiful but I too have noticed how people always see things are much green on the other side. For me when I met Serge Benhayon I started to return to a true and deeper relationship with myself and this by far feels like home and not where I am living that makes it home.
We may fool ourselves into thinking that we need a holiday or a weekend away to regenerate, but if that is the the case and we truly do regenerate, why is it that as soon as we come home the days are immediately just as grey and/or challenging as they were before we left? Surely, if we were regenerated it would last longer than just the plane ride back?
Looking outside ourselves is never the solution. We can get inspiration from nature or from other people, but there is only 1 person that can change his own life: you.
I used to ponder about the ‘wanting to escape’ thing, but what always came to me was that as I am taking me with me, all my issues and baggage come too… The outer setting changes but the inner one does not. So, it pays to have ‘the great inner view’ before looking to the outer to fill the lack.
Very true Rachel. We take this with us and this includes all our patterns and behaviours. So until we are ready to feel them, look at them and let go of that which doesn’t support us to be all of us then it’s only the scenery that has changed.
I often have a feeling of deep contentment with my life and my home. There is so much that could be improved and made better but I actually love it as it is, which is a pretty cool place to be in in a world that constantly tried to make you want more.
Love this. A total sea change for me has been how I have so little desire to run away from my life now. I love it and love living it; the bumps, warts, joys, gems – the whole package. I was walking with a friend the other day during a really stressful time and, even at that time, I was able to claim with absoluteness that “I love my life”.
As I’ve been working on the quality of my life I have lost the wanderlust that I used to have. Other countries do not have the same allure. If I am happy where I am and with who I am there is no reason to long to be somewhere else.
I know for one that dealing with our issues is at times not easy and can be challenging but the results are indeed very rewarding and well worth it especially when life is far more joy-full and the satisfaction and emptiness of life is replaced by a full and richness within yourself and with all people you meet and connect with.
This is so true, it is not our external environment that we are unhappy with, it is our internal landscape, because we have disconnected from ourselves to such an extent we no longer feel the natural joy that is always there.
How often do we move home, jobs, partners to get away from ‘something’ to only find that ‘something’ has come along for the ride?
I recently undertook a very helpful audit of an aspect of my life with a view to understanding my patterns more. I didn’t have to go anywhere for that but in.
In my experience, how we see the world arises from the relationship we have with ourselves . Unhealed emotions colour and distort our vision and understanding of everything. Making a choice to bring change to oneself, begins with re-developing and re-connecting with the innermost essence through our body, and from this expose the hurts, let go of blame and remove the blinkers from our eyes to see a far bigger picture.
“if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens”.
The desire to move to ‘greener grass’ has always been stronger when I have had unresolved issues that I am wanting to get away from. Once these issues are resolved the desire to move is not there as I am content with where I am.
Life can become surprisingly difficult when we don’t have the hope anymore that the grass is greener elsewhere and simply don’t know how to deal with the ongoing tension that can be always there. However, dealing with that tension is imperative.
“change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens” – Can you imagine if we lived our lives like this? When something came up, to look completely at our own part to play, movements and contribution FIRST, make adjustments to this to be even more responsible, understanding etc. and then consider how other parts may have fed in. Would we get as frustrated and angry knowing that we had the power to change anything through how we choose to live?
‘But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. ‘ oh yes Suzanne this is true, I tried to run away by withdrawing from life but it didn’t work in any form, my choices stayed with me and governed my life. But choosing to look at my choices and take responsibility for them letting them go, I made different ones, my environment, health and view on life changed with it.
What I do notice is that we know which people in our lives ask us to be more and to be responsible, so when we think we need to get away it can be because we a want to get away from being responsible but instead of being honest we will create an issue so we have something to blame it on and justify the decision.
Yes, Serge Benhayon is a fascinating philosopher and what he shares is incredibly empowering. It is wonderful when we discover just how much our experience of life is due to our choices and movements because if it is not joyful or supporting, it is in our hands to do something about it.
Yes, we have an enormous power even with our choices almost regardless of our circumstances.
If you want to see change, change yourself.
We moved from a big city to a rural seaside location about 6 years ago and whilst there were undoubtedly some benefits to this move in terms of simplicity of life and being closer to nature, I did notice that all of the same issues, patterns and dilemmas and relationship tensions were all still with me, just in a different location and moving location itself did not provide any solutions, only being honest with myself did.
Yes, honesty and your willingness to look at your patterns and let go of them are key in changing your life.
Often you hear people say that we might change the scenery, but you still take your baggage with you. This is so true because changing location is no guarantee that life will be any different.
It is wise advice indeed you offer, Suzanne, that to have the future you desire is dependent upon dealing with the consequences of previous choices and the choices you make now.
Yes a gorgeous and simple article that is directly to the point. We may physically change our surroundings however the what we bring in our suitcase (metaphorically speaking about us and our choices in life) will always follow us until we learn to be all of us in life and completely content with who we are no matter where we are in the world. This leaves us being free to fully appreciate the different places we visit without wanting them to deliver us something to fill our emptiness.
Wherever we go we are always still with ourselves. Thus escaping to foreign climes or into a new relationship or job doesn’t work in the long run. Making peace with ourselves and from this fullness making new choices has more chance of success.
Suzanne, great article, wherever we go we take our unresolved issues wth us, we cannot leave them behind when we move to a different area or country, I have found this to be my experience and that of friends and family.
“But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices.” A fundamental truth that once fully appreciated, empowers us to deal with the consequences we are attempting to escape from. Serge Benhayon is a fascinating philosopher who gently dismantles all our excuses so that we can get to the bare truth of it all. Address the quality of our inner realm and the outer realm will automatically follow suit.
Indeed Suzanne, the most cheapest way is to surrender to that inner stillness and harmony that is already there within. When we connect to that we will not need any sea-, tree- or whatever change anymore, we only feel a purpose, but for that we do not need to change the scenes.
I moved to the country from the city and back again several times when I was younger thinking that life would be better and each time nothing shifted as I never dealt with the underlying issues, so they just came with me and after the initial excitement of being in a different environment wore off, all the same feelings surfaced again
If you think of life as an ocean of energy and us as a fish – it is pretty crazy to think we can find contentment in a new bit of sea, when the joy we experience of being alive is defined by the quality and way that we swim and tilt every flipper. If we splish and splosh like a cat dropped in the sink, surely it’s time we started to see it’s the way we move that has huge ripple effects?
I come from a gorgeous sea side town in New Zealand where the pace of life is slow, but there is enough going on to not be considered a boring place, people often ask me why on earth I choose to keep on living in the rat race of London and it is probably because I have so much to learn and right now this is the place I can learn the most about the relationship I have with myself and others.
In earlier times I was travelling a lot and I enjoyed it deeply, nevertheless it was a distraction from what was happening at home and in my own country. Instead of engaging in the surrounding where I lived, I preferred to be somewhere else where I did not seem to feel this amount of responsibility I felt at home. Taking responsibility fosters joy in the body. This is what I am about to learn and experience in learning to take responsibility.
This article exposes the whole holiday industry built on the illusion they are taking people somewhere different, whereas in truth people are going nowhere. All that happens is we take all our baggage, transport it to a new location, and then bring it back again. It’s no wonder, after a few days back from holiday, most people feel no benefit at all and are back to where they were before. Perhaps the answer is to not take up and go but find inner peace and tranquillity.
” . . . changing our environment in the hope of feeling more settlement with our life won’t work: change who we have become first, then see how life looks like then.” That is so true Suzanne as we are always with ourselves there is no way to escape from what we have chose even if we think we can do it
Sometimes i find you need a change of scenery to confirm or settle what’s already been felt inside – a walk in nature, smelling the salty sea air, feeling the blowing wind or sunshine across your face. And that when the feeling inside is covered up, not felt or responded to and the scenery or weather condition is changed and made the sole focus.. then later on all is not quite what it first seemed or appeared often with consequences.
I’ve had exactly the same thoughts, same feelings and same reactions to life living in many different parts of the world. Where we live is not the influence of our life some of us may like to think it is, but is in fact secondary to our outlook, and how we commit to what is in front of us.
Awesome blog Suzanne, what you’ve shared is so true and beautifully expressed. I can relate to that feeling of wanting to be somewhere else, to escape and not deal with what is really going on. I no longer have that feeling of wanting to run away or escape anymore, even in some really challenging situations because I am more connected to myself. No matter where I am, I feel totally Ok about where I am and I feel nowhere is better than where I am right now because I am learning to appreciate and love life so much more.
I love how the writer of the magazine article is honest about the fact that life hasn’t changed at all – only the environment. The environment is only the last and end resultt of what we ‘create’ from the inside, and so only our connection to and living from an ever depending quality of love will change the way our daily life feels. We have been blessed to learn that it is ‘One Life’.
Great points Suzanne. The scenery may change but if we are running with the same with patterns everything stays the same, accept the new faces and the different background. It is up to us to make different movements in our thought, word and deed and then everything changes and this can happen without any change of address, country or job!
This is a great point Suzanne – looking outside of ourselves for the answers often does nothing when the gold actually resides within; within ourselves, our relationships and each moment – it doesn’t require a ‘change in scenery’.
I reckon you could apply to this moving jobs as well…how often do we move jobs in hope of ‘escaping from that boss’ or ‘that situation’ or ‘that colleague’ only to find ourselves in that same situation but a different location.
I was told many years ago that the problem with running away is that you simply unpack all the same stuff that you left with, until you resolve those issues. This is where Serge has been amazing in presenting the work…. the work of dealing with those issues and then you simply travel as yourself in any situation. It has the added benefit of allowing me to appreciate what I have and where I am and magically there is no need to head off for pastures green.
Whether we change job, house or country we always take ourselves with us. The momentary relief we feel from a physical change cannot change the underlying energetic imprints that hold us in a certain way of living. But begin to look at how we are living , our hurts and behaviours …and there is the true ‘sea change’.
This is a great thing to expose, we all have fantasies of running away but being honest about what it is we are running from is key. The band Crowded House really summed it up when they said “Everywhere you go, you always take the weather with you. ” What a great thing to know, for banking on paradise to solve your problems of discontentment will always leave you at a wanting.
We always take ourselves with us wherever we go. There is no escape.
‘you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.’ People try in so many different ways to run away from the way they live their lives, almost hoping things will be different when they come back from holiday or after they moved, but it is the same body that we take with us and if we don’t change our choices and the way we live our lives the same things will keep repeating.
In my time it used to be called the geographical cure, when things got too hard in one place move to another, the problem was that we took ourselves with us where ever we went with all the stuff we tried to avoid, so unless we look at our lives and the choices we are making our life does not really change where ever we go, because we still have self to contend with.
We can make as many changes on the surface as we like but for as long as we do not change the source of energy we align ourselves to, being either all that is of the love that we innately are, or all that is not of this love, we will find ourselves in the ‘same muck but with a different bucket’. That is, we are easily deceived by a change of scenery while the inner landscape stays the same.
The world has much to offer in many beautiful locations but without an inner joy and purpose little can be achieved with great views or fancy houses.
How true – the inner joy beats any location, no matter how spectacular it may be.
Changing our environment in the hope of feeling more settlement with our life won’t work: change who we have become first, then see how life looks like then. This truly does transform outcomes of things absolutely Suzanne, as I have been doing this with relationships with others and not bringing anything that I had attached to the person with me when I’m with them, just myself and the change in the interactions with them has resulted in a totally different experience all around, one that is so spacious and enjoyable because the movements I am making within that just feel so lovely.
I can so relate to this Suzanne, in the past I have spent a great deal of my life longing to be anywhere but where I was in each moment. I would attempt to run away from myself only to discover it is impossible – my choices and the momentum caused by these choices would follow me no matter where I went.
Serge Benhayon and his ground breaking philosophy has helped me understand and turn around this pattern to now consistently learning to commit to life and making life about connection to myself and others.
Great blog Suzanne! Imagine the time and energy we could save by simply dealing with our hurts and making the true changes. Man would life be far simpler and way more enjoyable when we get the hurts out of the way!
So much marketing and selling is based around escaping or new experiences. Take a look at every holiday brochure or piece of advertising and they are all trying to sell you a new version of your life or of you. It’s actually really evil and designed very specifically to leave you feeling less and thus wanting more. If they were to be selling a truly serving holiday – one in which you were deeply supported to rest, re-connect and nurture yourself…then they wouldn’t get much repeat business. The holiday industry 100% relies on our disconnection
Wow – you pinged that very clearly Otto – and it feels very true indeed. Yes, that is an evil if it serves to encourage us to disconnect from ourselves and the divinity that we are connected to.
Jump on a plane and you’re still sitting with you. Lie on a beach and you’re still lying with you. Escapism is a pure illusion; a temporary denial of of the truth. Accepting this fact is actually a gigantic relief. I used to be a big seeker and escaper but it never worked and I always knew this, so there was always an innate tension in me whilst I was doing whatever it was to try to paint a new coat of paint on my life – thus at the end of the ‘holiday’ I would often feel even less of me than I did beforehand – which is why so many of us immediately start planning the next holiday!! Good for the travel agents – exhausting and expensive and very debilitating for us.
It takes honesty to admit that it is our choices that have got us to the point of wishing a different life. And equally no amount of wishing is going to change things. Changing our relationship with ourselves to a more loving, caring and nurturing one naturally changes the way we feel and what comes towards us.
So true, Rosanna, admitting that how we are living is the result of our choices is the cornerstone to changing our life to how we would like it to be.
Hear hear – honesty is of the utmost importance isn’t it? To truly look at all aspects with the understanding that everything is our choice and that we have the choice to choose every second anew.
No matter where we go, who we are with or what we are doing – we are still with ourselves the whole time. So it makes sense to harvest and have a relationship with that as priority over our environment. In other words, we cannot escape ourselves but only distract our attention.
Yes, we can indeed numb ourselves or check out, which makes it feel like we are not with ourselves at all. Rather running on auto pilot.
It begs the question Rachael of what is this crazy situation where we are trying to escape ourselves? We are our greatest resource, a source of inspiration and magic. We have God inside us and to run away from that simply makes no sense.
A great reminder, Suzanne, that no change is a true change until we change our ways.
Yes true change comes from within not from anything outside of us.
We’ve got to see where we can serve rather than just where we’d like to live. Then everything will fall into place.
Very very true Michael.
I lived most of my life in a small country town, I lived in the paradise of a ‘tree change’ that many desire. I adored living there and reveled in the space and beauty that I lived in, but over time I began to feel the lack of true connection. I spent alot of my time alone, void of people. From being hurt, lots, by people this suited me for ages, until I began to feel just how much I truly loved people and wanted to be around them more. It is so very much how we live our lives that is the matrix we live in. Not the area, town or space.
And sometimes it is through changing ourselves that a move is needed. Not to escape or to change our circumstances, but to acknowledge that where we are living doesn’t support the choices and the changes we have made.
How many of us blame our place of work for how we feel seeing our jobs as tedious? What if we looked to ourselves first and how we were relating to all those we are working with and changed this instead wanting things to be different?
And even blame our family members – when all it takes is us deepening our relationship with ourselves, claiming the quality with ourselves and others that we know is true and letting the rest unfold.
This is lovely Johanna – “… claiming the quality with ourselves and others that we know is true..” Beautiful as this is our divine way of being.
I love the way you write Suzanne – so entertaining , interesting and transformative. It is amazing how the phrase ‘sea change’ from Shakespeare’ s The Tempest has come to have its present day meaning – though it does come from a situation where characters are shipwrecked on an island, and some will choose to align to transformation and others don’t. The ‘sea change’ must inevitably come from the inside not the outside. It is an alignment within to then resonate with the deep truth of our being which is universal and does not simply belong to this 3rd dimensional life here on earth. Moving from city to country will not do it if that is alone what is chosen.
” Serge Benhayon is a fascinating philosopher who talks about these kinds of things all the time and I once remember hearing him presenting something like if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.”
This is so wise for once a person takes charge of themselves then the environment has to change.
‘if we don’t like the way our relationship is, then don’t just blame the other person or the environment around you, change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.’ – I love this. It is so easy to point the finger and feel that we would be ‘better off’ in another relationship, however, whatever is causing the discord will stay with us until we reveal it’s existence. No one person is ever solely to blame, there are two people in a relationship and both parties have a shared responsibility. If something isn’t working, nothing will change if we don’t take responsibility for the part we play and communicate with each other.
Changing or nominating our issues is a great way to deepen our relationship with our-self so we do not end up looking for a sea change because our connection to our inner-most is enough.
Wise words indeed, Suzanne, we can change the scenery around us, but nothing truely changes unless we change ourselves first.
Thank you Suzanne, I have to agree that when there is an issue why not start in a different way, to “change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.” It’s quite the opposite to how we normally approach things. It’s not a have-to or a formula but it’s very worthy of consideration.
A very honest sharing. I was observing a couple I know who have recently moved to the other side of the world. They set up their life, and within 4 months, the same patterns started to take form. So we talked about this and how physically moving places does not change things. And we came to the understanding that it is their movements and all our movements that will support to break old patterns. We have an opportunity to change the energy first in all situations.
Oh I know this so well, ‘grass is always greener syndrome’ and the ‘your life looks better than mine on Facebook syndrome’. When we spend our lives comparing ourselves with others or our circumstances and environments we will always find something that we don’t have that could seemingly make our lives better, more money, new clothes, more holidays, an extra bedroom, bigger garden none of which change our inner world. It is only when we focus inwardly and appreciate ourselves, all the amazing people and places around us that we do have that the ‘grass is greener syndrome’ starts to shift.
It’s so true Fiona, we have so many syndromes in today’s world that are all based on envy and jealousy and only serve to trip us up and create and feed conflict between us all.
Love this, Nico. it is so true. It does not matter where we go we always take ourself with our self so if we want a ‘sea change’ the first place to look for that change is within ourself.
Yes the answers to all our questions lies truly inside and by connecting to our selves in truth, we are sure to find them.
“But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.”
Brilliant example Suzanne of how changing our outer environment will never fix the inner.
Through the gentle breath meditation, I have re-connected to a space and stillness within me, that brings me home to a place where I have no desire to be anywhere else!
This space stops reaction and introduces the beauty of observation.
Building lived responsibility, as presented by The Way of the Livingness, grows a deeper sense of self understanding and an appreciation for our true energetic awareness.
“change yourself and your approach in the relationship first and then review and see what happens.” Such a timely reading, thank you Suzanne. If we don’t change ourselves the outside may look different but feel the same, that sameness is coming from us.
Suzanne what a great perspective to have and reflecting on this myself I was one that was always planning my next get away and honestly it was getting away from me. Today my life is very different, I still live in the same town I wanted to get away from and whilst the allure of a tropical beach sometimes appeals to me there is so much more inner contentment and purpose that the constant ‘escape’ from me is not longer what I actively want and engage in. Your blog is a great confirmation for me to feel and appreciate how different life can be when we make different choices and build a relationship with ourselves.
‘What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself.’ Suzanne, your realisation about what is behind your restlessness and needing to get away applies to us all. It does stem from a dissatisfaction from the choices we make. Making different choices makes a different outcome.
A vicious cycle and all repeats and repeats. Looking at and understanding the energy behind our choices is a great start to healing that which has been running, offering more freedom than just repeating old patterns.
When we are feeling restless and like we are needing a change of work, environment and so on, maybe by replacing the words “sea-change” with ‘me-change’ we might get to figure out that where we are is just fine, but it is who we are that is calling out for the change. Being honest with ourselves and how we are truly feeling is the first important step to identify if it is time the ‘something’ within us that is ready for a change. I have found from making that change so much of what is around me changes as well; yes a me-change can be very powerful.
Suzanne, great article, I used to think about moving somewhere different and that this would be the answer to all my problems, that I could leave behind my issues and start again, but in reality this was not true and I took everything with me wherever I went – all of my issues and insecurities. I then started to work on myself and discovered that I did not need to move, only love me and feel content being me and then I could feel settled wherever I lived without the ‘grass always being greener’ somewhere else.
If we arrive at a new job, place or relationship in the same energy we left the old, nothing can change, it will quickly become how it was before unless we change the way we are.
Yes things repeat and repeat until we get the lesson and start connecting within and observing all possibilities why they keep repeating, what is it we are missing. I found mostly what was missing was connection to my own choices made and no responsibility taken for them. Once I got that and started working on these, life started to change a lot and certain things stopped repeating.
So a sea change is more a wish for a me change, which we can always undertake no matter where we are, as we are always where we are.
Ha ha Esther! No longer changing the sea or the tree, but now the Me!
Yes! Though it sometimes helps to have a change of scenery to open myself up that there is more to me and the world than I have been aware before, though this is also very closely linked to the people and how they go about life.
Oh I love that – not the sea, not the tree – me 🙂
So true Esther, and the more we take this on board, the less we have to up sticks and move around the planet! And when we do make a ‘Me Change’ the whole world feels the benefit of it.
This is spot on, if you feel restless or discontent that’s going to be something you take with you wherever you go. I love the approach of – if you don’t like something in your life look at your part in it and change it, then rather than changing our external circumstances like where we live or our job we are actually changing our internal landscape, which has a far far greater impact on our lives.
Facing everything that feels scary or difficult is the only way to come back to the truth that fear is not real when we face it, and that our only tension is that of not living the grandness that we know we already are.
I have loved the way Serge Benhayon presents this topic, it is not about running away or blaming anyone, sometimes we have to change our approach and then, if it is still not working, take a moment to consider the next steps. Running away will only mean the reflection has to be recreated elsewhere,
I used to think that to escape from where I live was the answer but have realised along the way that decision would have been very detrimental towards my relationship and I. Reaction serves no purpose other than to delay and make things complicated.
Oh I can so relate to this. We can change everything on the outside only to find ourselves still restless on this inside! Then, in come the coping mechanisms for the restlessness till they too no longer work…eeek feels like a longer blog!
And aren’t those coping mechanisms awful! They could even lead to a worsening of how you now feel even after the change, and before you know it, there are so many coping strategies that you can’t work out what it was in the first instance that you felt unsettled over.
Yep – is what I felt too- and to connect to that coping mechanism and see what it really does and truly feeling that it changes nothing in the core – then at times, when push comes to shove – will blow up in our faces – and then it may be a much longer road to recovery then ever before.
Thank you Suzanne for writing this, it was lovely to read. The grass always looks greener, wherever the grass is, unless you create contentment within yourself in how you live and the relationships you build. If I find myself in a moment wishing to be somewhere else it is almost always fueled by a dissatisfaction with how I have lived, regrets from not living the potential joy and fun available. But looking back or looking elsewhere is not the answer, I know it is the here and now that matters and that is my place to choose how I live.
By the grass always looking greener just shows us how much we as a humanity look outside ourselves,how unsettled within ourselves we are and also how much comparison we are in.
What a blessing that we always have an inner marker within us letting us know when the contentment is not there. For if we were not made aware of the depth and beauty within we would never do anything about supporting ourselves to be fully with our grandness.
Moving in the same momentum and energy that is causing disharmony and the disharmony goes with you but stop, reconnect to the beauty of who you are and then move and everything changes without having to pack your bags.
So gorgeously said Mary. Thank you.
Yes we can’t get away from ourselves! Where ever we go we take ourselves with us so if we are not content with ourselves all life will not be fully satisfying either. I noticed a need in myself to have something in the future to look out for like a holiday or even just simply a day off then to find myself over-eating that day and not enjoying it at all. This really shows if I want to feel more spacious in life and more focused this has to be from how I am with myself and not from my environment or circomstances.
Thank you Suzanne to bring this subject up. We have made such a move too, to escape the business of life in the idea that somewhere else it would be better but to find that it is not about the place you live but how you are with yourself. Eventually, after more than 13 years we have moved back to the place we moved from in the first place and really love it and do not experience any of that business we felt in the past. That to me proves that it is all about our inner connection with that stillness that lives within.
Love this article Suzanne….I’m in the middle of a week’s holiday and have spent it at home, tending to the normal things dinner, washing, making the bed, getting dressed, cleaning, sorting, discarding and tidying, having a cup of tea, checking emails, getting up to date with things, going to the optometrist, getting the car serviced, catching up with friends and family, visiting the hairdresser….but what’s been divine has been living with not having to rush, to take my time instead. I’ve found how very much I’ve loved being at home, being in and tending to the space making it a pleasure to live in and so welcoming to return to after being out in the world..
Nurturing is the word that comes to mind for describing having a holiday at home.
Wonderful and awesome read Suzanne.. yes, it’s the same with quitting your job under the hope or guise of it being greener pastures… and whilst there might well be a honeymoon period, eventually the issue comes back to haunt which is the unsettlement within causing the haunting as opposed to it being down to anything else. The more we deal with the haunting and start to love, and then appreciate that love, the more we appreciate what we do have.. and whether it’s a true decision to leave, or to remain [in a job, location, house, relationship etc.]
The ‘sea change’ or the comment of getting away for the weekend is so often championed as the great way to self- care and look after yourself. What is always interesting to observe is that it’s only a short – term remedy for a long term ill – shared so beautifully in this blog that we are running away from what is inside us all. A carving to connect to the simplicity inside that has nothing to do with the scenery on the outside.
Well said – “a short term remedy for a long term ill ‘ – exactly so!
And really, when we fully and truly appreciate ourselves, then our external environment is just what it is – there is no competition or comparison, no striving for something outside ourselves because we are content within.
I can so relate to frequently looking at the perceived ‘greener grass on the other side’… without fully appreciating the green grass I do have!
Me too Paula and I learned it is about opening our eyes and truly look at what we do have and not appreciate until that point. Appreciation of even the smallest things opens up the space for joy and love of everything that is in our life.
I love this Annelies – “Appreciation of even the smallest things opens up the space for joy and love of everything that is in our life.” – Beautiful and a great reminder for all of us to be observant and expressive around this.
It is so true Suzanne… we can change everything external to us but if we continue to dislike ourselves and our choices, that discontent will follow us wherever we are.
There’s no escaping ourselves – we take ourselves wherever we go, warts and all. We can however change ourselves, and we can do that exactly where we are. Serge Benhayon’s advice is good advice.
I love the way that the word ‘choices’ is highlighted in bold here, for as you beautifully show Suzanne it’s this that determines the quality of life we live. It’s so tempting to think a better situation, partner or location will change your life but actually its the things we do that just aren’t right. A true sea change would be to change the source of energy we align to. Once this is updated we will truly see change. Ps great photo Nico!
After changing location of home, work places and relationships always reveals the common denominator – me.
Any changes to be made with me these days come from with-in me. With absolute appreciation for presentations by Serge Benhayon who inspires the total honesty required making any true change.
Sea changes and tree changes end up being more of the same when we don’t look at our daily and moment to moment choices as well as start to take responsibility for our life and our choices. No move and no travel adventure can do what we hope and wish for – true change starts with us, no props needed.
I spent years looking for something greener, something better and spent a lot of time and energy doing so, now I know its how we are inside that creates our outside. Magic begins with us, unit we find it in our own heart we will always be on a never ending journey searching for it somewhere else.
Hear hear exactly so – and for some that journey may not even end in one life time …
Beautifully expressed Samantha – ‘Magic begins with us…’
Oh I love it too – “Magic begins with us’ – yes to live by that offers so much!
‘What I have come to realise is that when feeling that restlessness that I need to get away, take a holiday or make a sea change, I am wanting to get away from myself. It is actually a disenchantment with my life because of the choices I have been making that I want to run away from. But you can’t run away from yourself and your choices. You can only deal with them (the consequences) and then make your future choices to be more in line with your truth.’ Such wise words and a great learning for us here.
Great points made here Suzanne, indeed, wherever you go, there you are! I migrated to Australia, leaving Switzerland behind, but it was still me here, with the same issues. I had effectively run away from a life and circumstances I didn’t like. But guess what, nothing really changed, apart of the scenery and the faces; until I changed how I approached life, and once I became much more honest with myself, ready to look deeper, real changes started to occur in how I am now feeling in life every day. And I can now imagine living anywhere, even back in Switzerland if there was a greater purpose for that. Thank you for your awesome reflection Suzanne; it clearly is worth considering before taking off, what is it we are truly looking for on the other side of the fence?
Love your comment Esther as it was the same for me too. And like you, I can also now imagine myself living somewhere else if the true purpose calls me there.
I remember many years ago realising that we take ourselves with us wherever we go. Therefore nothing changes until we do. Through the teachings of Serge Benhayon of the Ancient Wisdom and The Way of The Livingness my life has been opened up immensely!
Me too Roslyn. And to the point that I love my surroundings and self exactly where I am that when I do go away on ‘holiday’ which is rare, I actually get to a point after a few days of wanting to return to the care of my home and the work I do.
Yes, me too. It feels so lovely to have the pull to get back home to work when I am away, I love my work now which is a totally different feeling to the blue ‘Sunday night’ feeling of dread that I used to get.
Mine too Roslyn – and many experiences and choices I have made well before I met Serge Benhayon over 15 years ago now reflect exactly that – we take all of us and everything that comes with it with us wherever we go…
I agree Roslyn. It came to me while sitting on the loo one day that the common factor in my life and all the situations I have experienced is in fact ME! Therefore if I want my life to change, it has to begin inwardly. Shortly after that realisation I met Serge Benhayon and The Way of the Livingness and since then everything has fallen into place. Gone are the days of expecting external change to be the saving grace. The focus now is on the quality of my inner environment a forever evolving journey and it has become so much easier to commit to the outer world with all my heart wherever I happen to be living.
Mine too Roslyn – and I love the freedom those teachings and The Way of the Livingness has opened up for me and many others now.
I have never heard of sea change or tree change before! I thought sea change was something to do with the tides! And yes we cannot escape our lives not matter how much we try to because everything we have lived and live will only truly change when we finally start to honestly take a look at ourselves and what we choose consistently, how we live, how we move on a day to day, moment to moment basis. It is only from here when we truly address this that the changes truly start to happen and it is quite magical when we do. I know from my life and experiences. I would never settle in one place would always be on the move and would always be looking and trying at how I can ‘better’ myself. It was when I was honest in how I was living and stopped trying to run away, started to commit to life and love myself more then and only then the true change started to take place no holidays or house move needed!
The betterment story is so often sold to us when we are in transit. Interesting that truth and honesty comes from connecting to our stillness that has no push for certain movements and motion.
Interestingly the other definition of ‘sea change’ means a profound and notable transformation, suggesting something permanent, instead of a sea change (a change of sea-nery?!.. couldn’t resist that one) in the sense of a move to a rural or seaside location, where the scenery is different, life is perhaps slower, but ultimately the same. It makes me question to what extent we can really change ourselves. We can only perhaps ever discard the behaviours that are not essentially part of who we are, and re-arrange the scenery, change the view. The core, the essence, of who we are at our being, is so pure and solid, unchanging, and always there to return to, no matter the changes we might make on the outside. Do our changes (seaside or otherwise) help us to uncover, know and live more of who we are, or take us further away?
I am wholeheartedly agreeing with what you have written Suzanne. Very rarely do we take a look at ourselves as the first place where change is warranted when we are feeling dissatisfied with the way our life is running. Yet, it’s such an obvious place to start; we are the common denominator in everything we do and therefore a major force in determining the outcome – yet we so often overlook this fact and get caught in the alternative stories. Thanks for the reminder: no doubt I will find numerous reflections of this message as I go through my day today.
Great point Helen. It is very common of the human condition to act on impulse without truly feeling what the un-settlement is about. We tend to go to all the solutions, indulgences, escapes to avoid looking at this. But that can only happen for so long before we are made to stop and reflect.
There are 2 types of impulsing energies, one is forever enticing us and distracting us away from ourselves and the other is forever leading us back to ourselves and life impulsed by the two different forms of energy will look and feel starkly different.
Exactly Alexis. One is clearly not wanting us to know that we have access to the wisdom and truth of the Universe and uses everything it has got to make us think otherwise.
No matter your location, the access to the Ancient Wisdom is always there. The difference only being whether we choose to live in comfort or not?
So true Helen- especially this: “…and get caught in the alternative stories.” To connect within truly first and feeling into what promotes us to consider a ‘sea change’ or any sort of change will go a long way of getting a true answer from our inner self as to what is running the whole thing – truth or ideal.
Yes, a common choice is to blame, blame our circumstances or others which directs our attention away from ourselves.
The blame game – most of us know or knew it well I am sure, I certainly did. When I truly started to connect to my inner self and looked within truthfully and honestly, I discovered many layers of hurt that I had made others responsible for. And with the support of Serge Benhayon and the Ancient Wisdom Teachings I connected to responsibility and choices, which allowed me to let go of blame and start with my self first. Life has been and is very different for me now 🙂
Take your pick of blame as there is always an excuse in not wanting to deal with the choices we have made. Change the environment but the choices come from the way we live from within.