There is a scene in the film ‘Chariots of Fire’, where the runner Harold Abrahams sits in the dressing room having won the ultimate individual sports competition, the Olympic 100m gold. There is no elation, in fact the scene depicts him with feelings of emptiness, looking rather flat, probably quite unlike how he thought he would feel. I have no idea whether this is a true depiction of the real life events it charts, but it certainly spoke to me as I recall that scene more vividly than any other from films I haven’t seen for years…
A Scene of My Own
May 2010. Isle of Skye, west coast of Scotland. It’s unusually hot, in fact the hottest day on Skye that year, 25 degrees. It’s a rare, beautiful, blue sky day with only a few ripples of clouds and there are stunning views all around.
But I’m not seeing any of this properly through my weary, sweat-soaked eyes. For at this moment I’m focussed on the road, slogging up the umpteenth hill of the day on a bike, a man on a mission. The euphoria from earlier has gone as my legs have turned to stone blocks, but as I close in on hour number five, the aim remains: complete the 95 miles (155 kilometres) and 3000 metres of climbing and get back before as many people as possible. It’s not really a sports competition as it’s not officially a race. But you couldn’t convince me of that, nor the guys who left me behind at hour three.
I’m not the fastest, but I reassure myself with being faster than most and that pushing, pushing, pushing will bring me the rewards I seek. The satisfaction of another goal conquered, another box ticked.
Giving Up? Not an Option
I can barely turn the pedals and can feel the burn in my muscles go deep – right to the bone, constant low-level agony. I stop at one point, wanting to give up, but that isn’t an option; I’m in a sporting competition with myself, the ultimate contest.
Finally, with the last hill climbed, it’s downhill and with the wind behind me it’s a fast, free ride into the finish line. It still hurts but it’s faster now and the end is in sight. As I make it back I have a satisfied feeling as I collapse on the floor of the village hall to gather myself. This isn’t a big deal to me, it’s what I do – cycle far, run fast, swim hard.
Competitive sports are within me, a part of how I identify myself.
As I take stock and refuel (we athletes don’t call it eating so much as filling up) like a car at the garage, the adrenaline that’s been pushing me around this island starts to leave my body and the glow is replaced with hard reality… what now? I came here alone so there’s no-one here to share the moment with: I’m a little bit lost, what will I do now… with the rest of the weekend?
I head back to the B&B, I shower away the sweat and grime and then I slump on the bed, exhausted and with a fair bit of heatstroke and dehydration. I am alone with myself, properly connected to my body in a quiet stillness for the first moment today, no longer shutting down to the clear signals it has been giving me for the last few hours. Feelings of emptiness arise that grip me, then slowly… tears roll down my cheeks, and an almost desolate feeling takes over.
My body cannot hide how I truly feel after a sports competition – empty and sad.
Starting to Question
Looking back, it’s actually beautiful to feel the tears and the strong sadness that comes with it. But at the time it was confusing: I should be euphoric, right?… another great achievement, a fantastic personal effort. But instead I’m unsettled and unfulfilled. I can kid myself that I’m proud of myself, tell myself how not many others can do this, but deep down I question…
Why am I doing this? When will it ever be enough? What is the point of putting myself through this pain, triumphing over another in a sports competition, investing in being faster, fitter, harder? This isn’t a new feeling but it is stronger and clearer than ever. Where am I really going with all this, where does it end, and what am I really looking for?
A New Approach
Fast forward to today and I don’t do this to my body anymore.
But I had to go through a lot more pain to get to this point, a lot more of these kind of races and a lot more feelings of emptiness.
Competitive sport always brought disappointment: I could finish first and it would be the same feeling. There was no eureka moment where I said enough, stop! It just happened over time as I learned what it is to truly respect my body, exercise within my limits and create a healthier vital presence.
After all, how can it be healthy to be constantly tired, hungry and anxious about fitting in more training?
For because I was super-fit, I was considered ‘healthy’ – but no way! You can’t be healthy if you are constantly tired, always hungry, with swinging moods and anxious about fitting in more training.
So now, instead of fighting my way through exercise, there is no clock to race and I stop when I’m tired. I feel lighter on my feet and eat foods to nourish me, not to fill the engine.
Recognising it’s about how I am too.
The way I am overall has changed too: now it’s about the quality of my being as well as honouring what I feel in my body. I am more with myself around others so they get a much better version of me, and I no longer have that restless feeling that whatever training I do is not going to be enough. I get out of bed easily in the mornings without having to unglue my eyes as I did before.
I can concentrate on tasks and engage with people with clarity and purpose. I can share more fun, more joy and loving moments with others, no longer distracted by this solitary, self-centred pursuit of feelings of emptiness that competitive sports always brought me.
And all this came about because I heard presentations by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine which inspired me to reconnect to what I had felt for years but overridden because it wasn’t what society was telling me, leading me to doubt myself.
Choosing a New Way to Be
I don’t need to outdo others to feel amazing: now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.
And I know that sport isn’t the fix it’s made out to be and can be self-perpetuating, damagingly so, and really quite, quite sad.
There is another way to be that respects your own body and doesn’t rely on outdoing others or being faster or fitter or stronger to feel amazing.
Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less. I reckon that’s the way I will now choose, to no longer be in pursuit of the feelings of emptiness.
My deepest appreciation goes to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, for showing me a different way to be.
by Stephen, United Kingdom
Further Reading:
True Strength – One Man’s Experience Of Body Building
Shock! I Achieved A High Level Of Fitness With Gentle Exercise!
Vitality versus Fitness
657 Comments
These feelings of emptiness that you reflect on, I can totally relate to as I ended up pursuing extreme sports in my mid thirties as a last resort (I had always disliked physical exertion in my youth) because other aspects of my life weren’t ticking the box in resolving the emptiness I was left with, after the euphoria wore off, from another job promotion, buying a newer car or having another child, to name only the big ticket items.
Thanks to the presentations of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I completely understand not only why I pursued these avenues (in desperation) but more so now know who I am and that I was missing this re-connection with my inner-self that led to the ongoing emptiness that outside influences could never be substitute replacement for.
Great blog Stephen. I agree with your writing:
“There is another way to be that respects your own body and doesn’t rely on outdoing others or being faster or fitter or stronger to feel amazing.
Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less.”
I used to love teamsports: the having a goal together (winning) and fighting for that. That has changed: for me, there can’t be real joy if it means another has to be less.
“Being with myself is more fullfilling” … I love that you share that. Being with ourselves is more fullfilling, more fullfilling than anything else in the world.
It sure is Mariette.
A beautiful blog Stephen. Beautifully written with a beautiful message. Thank you for sharing your story.
Thank you Stephen, ” I stop when I’m tired. I feel lighter on my feet and eat foods to nourish me.” I can feel the difference in this line, the joy in listening to our body. Stopping when we are tired is such a simple thing, one that makes a huge difference to our life and body.
“Stopping when we are tired is such a simple thing.” – That’s it Gyl, and learning to listen and feel this moment and then honour the body by giving it the rest it asks for. Not just in sport, but in life throughout.
I love your writing style Stephen, the first half had me gripped like an exciting novel and the second half was a beautiful ending to that exciting novel. Have you ever thought about writing a novel?
What a true insight into the damage and pain that competitive sport brings. I like how you said “competitive sports are within me, a part of how I identify myself.” I can relate to that from early childhood, school etc. It was just normal behaviour. Inspiring, how you have turned yourself around to truly listen to and honour how you and your body truly feels. Well done
It is amazing Stephen, the extent we override how we truly feel, to live up to some ideal of what is presented to us as “normal”, the idea that anyone would put their body through such a constantly grueling experience in the name of pleasure and or health. And this is only one speck in the huge amount of things I also used to do and some people do every second of the day. It’s incomprehensible really.
Thank you Stephen for your hones sharing on sports competition. I can feel that when we seek recognition and try to fill up the lack of self-esteem by utilising sport that this will exhaust our bodies in such an excessive way, that this must result in a deep feeling of sadness because deep inside we know we are enough and that there is no reason at all to hurt ourselves that much to gain for something that is is waiting deep inside for us to be found. So it is so beautiful to read that you have found this inner beauty and do not need any form of abuse to your body anymore to fully appreciate yourself. The line “I am more with myself around others so they get a much better version of me” summarises it all for me, that is where we should dedicate our lives to and this goal will not ask any harming of ourselves.
Being fit doesn’t equal being healthy. I was the most unhealthy when I was the most fit. I looked great, lean and toned and was eating mostly all organic food, but then got chronic fatigue. It made no sense. How I looked on the outside had no resemblance to the sadness and emptiness I was feeling on the inside, and the running and kayaking just gave me false highs and exhausted my body in the process.
That would be great to research – what is the incidence of chronic fatigue and exhaustion in athletes?
That is a great idea, Jen, to do a research project on chronic fatigue and exhaustion in athletes. It could go further, and investigate many other possible health problems, especially ankle and knee problems as well as serious other health issues that may be the result of pushing oneself with athletic pursuits..
Yes Jen, and to research depression in athletes too.
‘What is the incidence of chronic fatigue and exhaustion in athletes?’- That is an excellent question Jen.. After reading it I had the impulse to do a little research, and discovered that not only do athletes commonly have exhaustion, but many have been diagnosed with what is called the ‘Overtraining Syndrome’, which has symptoms including persistent fatigue and frequent illness. Quite shocking that by working themselves so hard many have developed a physical disorder.
I overtrained once while doing triathlon and it was quite horrible. I was so tired and lethargic that even the smallest tasks seem insurmountable, and quite depressed as well where nothing seems worthwhile. This lasted for about two weeks. Quite a large step away from the wellness we associate with sports. Never again!
A friend trains for iron man competitions and I remember him saying he was asking his coach what’s the point of being one of the fittest men in Australia if there is only 3 or 4 times a year, when he actually feel fit and strong? The rest of the time he feels shattered, exhausted from the constant training. When I asked him why he does it then, his reply was, with a shake of his head, ‘I ask myself that a lot’. He is still in training and still competing at a high level, which shows me how difficult it is to see clearly what’s going on for the body.
This blog helped me bring much more understanding to what drives people to push their bodies so hard. It was really beautiful to read about the way you cried when you allowed yourself to feel the emptiness after the race was over Stephen. Many people indulge in alcohol and other substances after completing major sporting races and events – I feel this may be a way people try to avoid feeling the emptiness you describe. Thank you for sharing this Stephen – it is very relatable and inspiring.
It’s so interesting how we can get so caught up in empty – and damaging – pursuits, be they for hobbies or career. Have you seen a ballet dancer’s toes? If you have, you’ll know how brutal this ‘art form’ really is, and how it has nothing to do with love and everything to do with glamour… likewise those who climb Everest, happy to sacrifice fingers and toes in the process. It’s amazing what we can tell ourselves – and champion as success!
Brutal indeed. And the sacrificing of lives too Victoria. 260 people have died and remain on Mt Everest and yet we continue to push ourselves, risking our lives, to put a flag on top of the mountain – all for the sake of human endeavors – not to mention the tonnes of waste (and excrement) left behind on the mountain, leaving communities down river without clean drinking water. Our championing of success has all sorts of unconsidered effects.
Wow, Jen and Victoria, you add a whole new angle to the mix. Yes brutal these pursuits are and when put like that they don’t make sense! Risking lives, (and losing them) and damaging our bodies and communities is crazy just for the sake of an ideal that we have interpreted as “success”. How can climbing Mount Everest be a good thing if these are the effects of championing success, and as Stephen so honestly describes, the emptiness we are left in by the end of it.
Indeed Victoria, this is crazy how human beings allow themselves to suffer in the name of sport.
Sporting competition has never been my ‘thing’ but I can relate to the weary and aching muscles that were the result of gym work and the competition of my own making: to make myself work harder with the weights and the medicine ball to get the ‘body’ that would make me look better than anyone else. Sure, I got the body: a hardened version of my ‘old’ body plus exhaustion. It took a number of illnesses to have me listen to my body, but, eventually I did with a ‘little bit’ of help from Serge Benhayon’s presentations and Universal Medicine.
Stephen, your blog clearly describes the duplicity people have to live with when they take exercising beyond what is healthy for their bodies. It also strikes me that there are strong parallels also with how anyone feels when they get caught up in competitiveness and striving to outdo others in anything they do. I especially love your comment ‘Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition and from that being, my potential living feels limit-less.’ What great medicine for the body!
What an inspiring blog Stephen…this is one that needs to be shared around to many people. It can help crack the sports consciousness. I can remember when I was in the Royal Australian Air force we had to push ourselves in physical activity all the time and I would always get a lot of pain in my head, ears and the front of my legs every time. It was my body’s way of telling me enough is enough, this is not true for my body. But I didn’t listen to the body back then. It was all about I have to do these certain exercises, by a certain time and push through the pain.Today their is no way that I could harm body like that. I know now that the body talks to us all the time if we listen and to truly honour what it is telling us. I agree with you my deepest appreciation also goes out to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for showing me too a different way to be. Thank you for sharing… it will make such a difference in many peoples lives…. if they too listen to their bodies.
Than you Stephen. The more people like yourself share their experiences of the addiction to pushing the body to such extremes, the more supportive it will be for others to ‘come out’. Your honesty about the impact on your body is only possible because you have connected to the precious and truly beautiful YOU, onto which such abuse is not required or needed.
Yes well said Bernadette, it is not until we re-connect to the tender and precious person we are that we can recognise competitive sports is an actual abuse to our body.
That is quite an honest reflection on what competitive sports are all about; for many sports people I know it is not an easy thing to admit to as they are so convinced of the alleged good it brings to them. The change from treating the body like a machine or instrument for what ever one wants to achieve, expecting it to function and seeking maintenance not healing when it doesn’t, to listening to the body as a friend and care for it is huge.
Well said Alex; it’s quite inspirational that Stephen has begun listening to his body, after so many years of ignoring and mistreating it – pushing it right to its limits.
What a poignant blog which has me wondering how many other activities are completed in the pursuit of that emptiness that Stephen speaks of, and how much of life is dedicated to the same, or to masking the truth of the emptiness that has been pursued?
I have felt similarly Catherine, I am aware of that emptiness I felt in sports competition and how those same feelings are replicated in other areas of life where there is not really any meaning to the activity. Leisure time is a great example of this, having too much downtime becomes quite empty to me as it lacks the purpose there is in work. We can crave these activities but often when we get them we can really see the value in working and the meaning there is in doing so.
So true Stephen. When there is too much down time, I feel a constant tension in my body. It is actually uncomfortable and the moment I return what is truly needed, I feel lighter and clearer. It is purpose, not rest, that re-energizes me.
Great blog Stephen….I loved the line “I can concentrate on tasks and engage with people with clarity and purpose. I can share more fun, more joy and loving moments with others, no longer distracted by this solitary, self-centred pursuit of feelings of emptiness that competitive sports always brought me”. When I’ve watched competitive sports – especially triathalon kinda things – I have often been struck by the solo-ness of it and now after reading your blog – I can see that I also felt the emptiness of it all. And have witnessed that in people as well – like at the end of it – they go – really – is that what this is for? I thought it would be different. Thank you for sharing that it can be different.
I knew a lady that was drastically underweight, exhausted, constantly anxious and had serious digestive problems. She was telling me how concerned she was about her weight and how she just couldn’t keep it on.
When I asked if she felt the many miles she ran daily (she ran marathons) combined with her hours at the gym contributed to this weight loss, she said it would be inconceivable to cut back as it was what kept her ‘going’, it was her lifeline. It was at this point I felt it was what kept her ‘going’ – kept her in her anxiety, her exhaustion and numb to the problems she was avoiding. And I felt how it is impossible to run away from your problems – no matter how fast you run, how hard you ride or how far you swim.
‘And I felt how it is impossible to run away from your problems – no matter how fast you run, how hard you ride or how far you swim.’ That is so true. You can go to the other side of the world to ‘escape’ only you can’t because you take it all with you!
That’s an amazing insight Alison. That is so interesting that we do something that is obviously impacting onour health, but we consider it a lifeline. The power we give to our beliefs.
There can certainly be a lot of confusion and issues to face when we stop identifying ourselves as athletes or competitors. I would imagine many wouldn’t consider giving up sporting competition as it becomes difficult to grasp what life is about, there come a lot of questions. When you have identified with playing games and sport it is hard to see beyond that to who you are and is something I am still learning to do.
So true Alison, ‘how it is impossible to run away from your problems – no matter how fast you run, how hard you ride or how far you swim’. I smile now at this comment, but can totally relate to how I used to be in what you describe. I was an expert in numbing myself, so I would not feel the underlying hurts and issues.
Now, I can see how that was just a trap, I have now chosen to honour and nurture myself, choosing to be with myself, and this brings a contentment and joy to my life.
Great sharing Stephen….after many many years of physical pursuits & competition I also came to the realisation that they were empty pursuits done at the expense of my health & wellbeing. The never ending pursuits & goals & all for what? A trophy, the accolades, the recognition? The pushing through, overriding the common sense messages from my body as a result of being so focused on an end goal.
None of this is needed or wanted when I connect to the precious & gentle stillness within. I have found something so much more amazing and exquisite than any competition or sport could give me…the loveliness & simplicity of me.
Lovely comment Marika, I imagine that your life could not be more different nowadays, living from the tender sweetness of being a woman rather than the drive and hardening of the body to compete and induce high levels of physical exertion (and pain). It is terribly sad to see women denature themselves in order to become something they are not, rather than the ‘loveliness & simplicity’ you describe.
So true Marika, it is so often overlooked how much sport and exercise is done at the expense of our wellbeing, when wellbeing can so wonderfully be the central focus of the exercise routine we choose to do.
I have never been very fit or participated in competitive sport, but can totally relate to your article. You write: “……that pushing, pushing, pushing will bring me the rewards I seek. The satisfaction of another goal conquered, another box ticked.” This is how I was in my life – every day started with a list and I only thought I had achieved something or had a good day if I pushed through to tick all the boxes. If I had not done enough, it wasn’t a good day. At the time I also paid no attention to how I completed my tasks or how I felt while doing them. If I was exhausted I pushed more, usually being very irritable and frustrated with everyone I had to deal with along the way. I have since learnt through the support of Universal Medicine, that the ‘how’ is much more important than the end result – how I feel, how present I am, how I interact and connect with everyone around me. These are the things I now value and appreciate.
I agree Carmin – pushing ourselves is more definitely not confined to competitive sport, although it is a very clear example. I also know that list and tick boxing is a massive thing, and so many people including myself fall for measuring our worth based on the amount you did that day, or the parts that where praised.
Stephen this is a great insight into competitive sports and what is truly going on for someone competing at that level. I had never considered that it was not just about beating another but about beating yourself also. (how appropriate those words are) The turn around to where you are now with yourself and your body is quite extraordinary. There is no longer a beating of yourself but a true caring. That is inspiration.
By the sounds of what you have written, it actually makes me go … That sounds terrible … and torturing for a human body and all for what?
It is the opposite of healthy, I used to do triathlons as well and you feel driven, and while you’re going you push through like you have purpose. While doing Triathlons your body is in pain, so you’re hurting the whole way through and they don’t last forever either, so you get to the end and it’s what now?
I totally agree with you Ariel, it sounds and feels like torture, and ends with an emptiness that asks “what now?” And all the time the body is yelling “no more” and is not being heard until it is stopped, usually very painfully. Definitely not a loving way to live.
I agree Ariel, I use to do competitive swimming as a young teenager with lots of training morning and night. I use to push my body to see how far it could go and it was all about being better or the best which is awful to feel. It was all about seeking recognition and using that as a substitute for love. Sad, empty but true.
“Being myself is more fulfilling”- as you say in your writing .
But also it’s more for all of us as well, for those of us who meet you. A gentle kind sweet man, thank you.
So true John, we get the true, gentle beautiful Stephen, and not the goal driven, endlessly seeking, exhausted Stephen.
I agree Alison, Stephen is an inspiration with bringing more of his tenderness to share with all, a definite plus and completely different feeling from the “goal driven, endlessly seeking, exhausted Stephen.”
That is so beautifully said John, very honouring of Stephen and his expression, just lovely.
I agree Karina, it is extremely honouring of Stephen. John, it is lovely how you are celebrating Stephen and appreciating him for who he is and what he brings – something the world could do with more of!
Well said John, it is more for us too, who now meet a very gentle, warm man who knows who he truly is and no longer has to slog it out to prove anything to himself or others. What a true treasure!
A great blog about the emptiness that is the reality behind the pursuit of competitive sport. ‘Being with myself is more fulfilling than any race or sports competition’ -a great line. It is only when we lose that true connection to ourselves that we look for surrogate ways, no matter how physically punishing, to give us some short lived sense of fulfilment, achievement and identification.
Beautifully written story of the “what is not”. I think all of us have had life times of trying one thing after another (including so called failure) to discover as you have described that is not it. I remember flying first class and staying in the poshest 5 room royal suite in a 6 star hotel and feeling the utter emptiness of it. Throughout life I have succeeded and experienced so many of these conquests as you describe and always experienced “this is not it”. At times I have felt a “this is it” such as in a brief encounter with another person, a moment in nature, a heartfelt sharing but these have been fleeting. It was not until I met Serge Benhayon that I got to truly understand “the what is” from the “the what is not” and the joy of living that way in connection to myself and others.
I had to laugh Nicola at your speaking of staying in the ‘poshest’ place in a hotel – and what springs to mind is the emptiness that you can actually feel emanating from some folk while they are playing this “old/new money” game. I read once the words of a wise man who expressed that the greatest riches are to be found within, and I feel that a large spoonful of these wise words could be offered up along with the ‘special diets’ that many of the super-fit athletes partake of – offering the possibility of they discovering also the difference between as you say “the what is” and “the what is not” and the opportunity to truly shine.
These sharings remind me of a business person who enjoys the process of getting rich but doesn’t know what to do with the money once they get there. The purpose is in the work, the process and the service of doing your job and the end result of being rich and/or retiring actually contains none of the satisfaction. I would relate that to exercise in that I find I now enjoy the process of the exercise without the need for there to be any result attached, other than more appreciation and ability to feel what my body needs.
Nicola a great observation. I’ve experienced ‘This is not it’ moments often, particularly after sitting exams or receiving results, in fact anything you push yourself towards in the belief that it will bring recognition or acceptance can be the same. The pure joy of ‘This is it’ moments in life is more expansive and deeply felt.
Hi Kehinde – yes, I’m the same. I have experienced many let downs after striving hard to achieve something only to find that whatever it was I had worked so hard for, wasn’t ‘it’. I was still left with an emptiness that hadn’t been filled through my achievements or the recognition I had gained. The good thing now is that when I experience such feelings I can recognise what has been happening and know that I have lost myself somewhere along the way. It makes a world of difference to me to know I don’t have to go into beating myself up – I just need to re-discover and align myself again with my core being.
Well said Nicola. When we pursue the ‘what is not’ it is always an external achievement and reward, something that is out of reach and we have to get to it. In complete contrast the ‘what is’ comes from within. It is an expression of our innate and divine qualities and is infinitely more nourishing, full-filling and amazing.
Stephen what an absolute delight to think that you felt and were able to re ignite your own true fire within, by simply recognising the feelings you had in your body. “Now I know if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.” Respect and support yourself to a life of full vitality and joy, absolutely awesome.
Great article Stephen. Although I have pushed myself in physical activity it was not to compete or to better myself (in the sporting sense), I never enjoyed it and ended up not exercising as I know that I didn’t want to exercise in that way. For years I knew I had to exercise, but I thought that my incidental activity during the day was enough. Which it very clearly wasn’t. I really appreciate hearing your story Stephen as it allows me to appreciate and begin to understand ‘the other side of the coin’ so to speak. To understand where that drive comes in exercising in a way that is forceful. It’s almost no different than any other behaviour that we may have that we use to ignore the things in life that we need to address.
I agree Jen, Stephans example is applicable to all areas of life – ignoring the way we feel and overriding our bodies will inevitably lead to a feeling of emptiness, because they way you live is based on recognition and doing well – I can definitely say this is something I still do, and the thing with recognition is it never fills your empty cup because all that can fill you up is yourself.
The impression I got was that exercise was another form of addiction.
Wow Stephen, your sharing brings it home in great detailed reality how it is for athletes in the push, slog and drive…and what then. The transformation you describe turns on its head the commonly held concept of fitness or health. Beautifully written.
I agree Kate, the big issue is “what then”. That is when the come down occurs for most athletes. Just to do it again and again, just to prove they can do it. But there will always be the let-down.
Hi Stephen – thank you for your amazing story of unfolding your awesome self.
I have often wondered what ‘super-fit athletes’ were thinking/feeling as they slogged it out with often a look on their faces that could have been carved out of rock, so set, rigid and hard not truly seeing anything of truth and beauty around them as they worked out. It seems at times that there may be a misperception that others will see them as ‘better’ human beings, ‘role models’ for others to look up to and place on a pedestal of sorts – and for what I wonder – is there such a lack of inner joy just for being themselves or have the old and painful hurts of long ago so ingrained one from distancing themselves from their true selves and truly from life and everyone else in the process. Thankfully it is possible for us to make another choice and to see there is another way of being – a way of livingness.
Well said Roberta. The true prize in life is not to feel the need to be put up on or put others up on a pedestal in the first place.
Awesome honest account Stephen of your gradual understanding of what was really underneath sport for you. I also get the sense that not only do you not have to outdo others by being involved in competitive bike racing anymore but you don’t have to outdo your self and push your body beyond what it naturally feels to do. Thank you.
That is a great point raised – Stephen has come to the ” understanding within himself that he doesn’t have to out do himself or anyone”. As you say we all benefit. It is too easy to go into ‘thinking’ we need to be better than another or even match up to them, which is crazy really as we have all made different choices and so it is impossible to compare. Take the gym, for example, I am not the biggest of guys nor have I really ever tried to be so to think or even try to lift the weights that I see others do would be crazy. They more than likely have put much more time and effort into developing this area of their lives and their physical body than I have and so understandably so they can lift bigger weights, it does not make me any less for not being able.
I agree Jennifer, the mindset in so many competitive sports these days is ‘no pain no gain’ but in a very intense sense of the word – crippling your body in the pursuit of glory is normal, but what Stephen has presented is the possibility of a different way to live and a different form a glory.
Well said Rebecca – i love how you have exposed the possibility that the sports focused pursuit of glory is in fact not glory at all. If anything it is the exact opposite of it.
Hear hear Marcia and Rebecca. How can anything be glorious that cripples our precious body, without which we cannot live on earth. Many many sports hero and heroines end up very sick or psychologically suffering and this is rarely brought to the public’s attention. The after affects of using the body this way, to gain temporary satisfaction, is devastating. This is a cheap imitation kind of glory as you have both implied.
Yes Rebecca, that term ‘no pain no gain’ is something I still hear quite often. It’s as if we human beings expect that pain has to be part of the process if we are to be successful in life. The question is what have we come to believe success is? Have we got it all wrong? We praise the athlete that pushes themselves, but do we give as much value and praise to how loving our relationships are for example?
Definitely Jennifer – I have that too where sometimes I will do something that I know disregards my body, to not only prove to others than I’m ‘better’, but also to prove to myself that I’m not ‘weak’
Susie i can resonate with what you share , i still find myself doing that sometimes. A work in progress to be more nurturing with myself.
I know what you mean Susie, I too sometimes find myself disregarding my true feelings to be liked or fit it in. Why do we do this? Could it be there is a lack somewhere, a lack of love for ourselves that’s needs to be fulfilled by recognition and acceptance from others, a need to win the race or be stronger than someone else! It is ironic that we need to put ourselves through these things when all along what we seek is on the inside waiting patiently for us to re-connect to it, then we will truly have won the race, the race back to who we truly are, and that medal can never be taken away from us.
In reality, it is not a race of course, because we will all get there, in our own time.
Yes, Jennifer it was beautiful to read how Stephen developed a deeper relationship with himself in which harm had no place. An inspiration.
Stephen, Thank you for sharing this moving and insightful account of your experience with competition sport – We are set up from such a young age to think competition is ‘normal and healthy??’ -and we are wrong to not enjoy it – yet it is always looking for external recognition – your description of the emptiness that follows was so touching – it knocks all the glamour out of the activity – it is such a trick – I wish you could send this to every school.
Absolutely Debra, ‘We are set up from such a young age to think competition is ‘normal and healthy??’ -and we are wrong to not enjoy it’, I never enjoyed sport or competition as a young woman growing up at school, I was usually the last to be picked for a sports team, which already made me feel like a failure before the game had even began, there was no fun or joy in the sports for me, it was all about how well you had performed compared to the other children or the other team, and I usually hadn’t performed very well, this wasn’t in any way enjoyable for me, it just made me feel like I wasn’t good enough or fast enough – not very supportive for a young woman finding her way in the world.
This was my experience too Rebecca, I can remember my first ever race in grade one. I ran a heat and won and then ate a pie. While eating the pie I was told that this was not the thing to do as it would make me be slower for the next heat. Subsequently, I lost the next heat. I do wonder just how soul impulsed it was to eat the pie, as maybe if I had won, then maybe I too would have been as entrenched in competition as Stephen was. Mm maybe a moment to thank soul for.
I agree Debra, competition isn’t healthy in the way it can put friend against friend, tear people down and seriously compromise the body all the in name of ‘winning’. But in the end what have you won? A moment of glory in which your podium is the crushed feelings of all the other competitors, and then the physical damage done, and the empty feeling after of ‘ was it all worth it?”.
Yes Rebecca, great. . . . and it leaves us with the thought that ‘I might be “top” now, but how soon will it be that someone else topples me and I will have lost that position and become a “loser” again’. The whole competition thing leaves us all subtly viewing others as a threat – it does nothing at all for true relationship. Niente!
I agree Debra with your words describing the ‘normal/healthy’ belief about competitive-ness in sport/fitness and I find this consciousness perpetuates still in the mindset and thinking of many folk/and their children we know even today to the point of vehemently and aggressively defending this belief system. Wouldn’t it be truly healthy if others we know well could embrace and lovingly choose to see the possibility of there being another way to feel fulfilled – perhaps even from the inside out.
I never actually thought about what really happens when a sportsmen finished with his goal, but now after reading your blog, I can feel and understand why so many people don’t stop after achieving a goal in sport. Every time they don’t feel how they expected to feel, they are still as empty as before the race, it has not made them better or more ‘happy’ so to say.. It is about the connection with yourself and not the goals we set.
Absolutely right Benkt, “It is about the connection with yourself and not the goals we set”, and thanks to Universal Medicine I am re-connecting to myself and finding less need to drive myself to those goals.
Sandra, yes absolutely about connection, when we feel that connection there is no drive or doing. It’s just that sense of being and allowing. Something I am really working on and unfolding in mylife.
I have come to realise that yes, it is all about connection Amita. The more I feel connected to my body, the less I need to strive for things on the outside, or feel the need to compete with others, this is when I feel enough, just being with me, awesome.
Well said Benkt and when we make that connection with ourselves, so much changes, as Stephen has shown us. Some people may find it very challenging, as everything they have focussed their lives on suddenly changes its meaning, but it is such a worthwhile and fulfilling choice to make, to connect to who we truly are inside and honour our body in all we do. Feeling joyful is not based on any achievement, it arises from cherishing ourselves.
I totally agree Benkt, that is a great awareness. And when you are in that connection with yourself, there is no need to win because you don’t feel lost.
I agree Benkt, it does explain the constant need that many people feel, not just in sports, to constantly be doing – work, family, education, sports ect because when what you do is not done with all of you it will never be enough.
So True Benkt, it really is super insidious at how this all actually works. You feel empty, so search for something to fulfil you. You achieve a goal, hoping to feel fulfilled, to instead still feel the emptiness that was there before. Then in comes the next possible goal that we believe will fulfil us and so on. Yet nothing does until we connect deeply to ourselves. We are the only true fulfilment that there is.
I totally relate to this cycle. For me it was exactly the same whether the goal of the moment was at that time sport, exams or work. I followed the same pattern, with the same results.
So true Benkt, it’s like being trapped on the hamster wheel going round and round, its a trap that keeps us searching and driving to get that elusive feeling of joy, happiness , fulfilment, achievement etc., As you say,’It is about the connection with yourself and not the goals we set.’ When you connect with yourself and honour yourself, everything changes, the emptiness is replaced by a more joyful life and way of being.
This is so true, I know many people I come across, mostly at work who talk about their cycling, triathlons, marathons, they all talk about it as though it is how to truly be healthy and exercise, that being in competition is how to spend their weekends and time away from their families. I learned from a colleague recently, there was a new saying in his cycling circles, his wife had been complaining of being a ‘cycling widow’, he was sharing this like it was really funny. I didn’t laugh as I thought it was really awful, that he obviously spent so much time away from her and she clearly said she didn’t like it, then to be labelled as such. All in the name of getting fit, having healthy competition in ones life. It didn’t feel like that to me.
Stephen that is an amazing story. I have always wondered what drives ‘extreme’ exercise, since it is something I cannot relate to. However, I do relate to going to extremes to achieve a goal in other areas of my life, and the same feeling of emptiness and sadness that sat underneath the pursuit. I too have been inspired by Serge Benhayon to find another way to be.
Dear Stephen, dear Anne,
I can relate to both. Playing for long years in teams like handball, softball or even dancing seemed to me be fulfilling as there is the aspect of a team. But honestly the affects are the same if you achieve or not achieve your goal. You fight and compete against each other. And you exhaust your body, to the point that it really hurts or gets injured.
The same pattern was in other parts of my life – constantly overriding my body an d pushing it into exhaustion. Crazy what we do, isn’t it?
So true Sonja in how we use the same energy when we push through life with the goal of being recognised in the need to fill an emptiness.
There are definitely many positives in being a part of a team, and we should never underestimate the benefits to mental wellbeing of being amongst others in a social environment, it is more in the competitive side that we need to assess and question. What are we really looking for when we drive ourselves to be a success, and if we get there is it really what we hoped it would be.
Anne I can relate to what you share, I have never been into sports or the drive of it. But I too have been caught in the extreme to achieve other goals in life, so can completely relate to the feeling of sadness and emptiness of the drive. But with the inspiration of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have found another way to be.
Absolutely Anne, It’s like we are our own worse drivers when we are not connected in knowing that we are already enough. As you mentioned, if it is not competitive sport there will no doubt be something in which we will use that drive and push ourselves and our body to extremes.
Very true Marcia what you are writing – apart from sport I had so many drives in my life, e.g. a drive to gain knowledge, a drive to better myself… And I pushed my body to limits without really listening to my body. Thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon which showed me another way to live – our natural way of living, connected with everybody and the universe.
What a brilliant and honest exploration of how competitive sport affects the body Stephen. It is becoming more evident that many high performing athletes suffer from depression, or feelings of emptiness, and it might explain why some resort to drugs and stimulants, as the unrelenting pressure is too much to feel. Your choices to listen to and honour your body, and how you are enjoying this connection, is inspiring for all, and especially so for other athletes.
I agree Bernadette. I remember when I was young first hearing about how athletes would push themselves till they were physically sick, and I just couldn’t understand it. However at the same time, although not everyone is a sports enthusiast, we all have areas of our lives, at work or home or school or in relationships, where we push ourselves too far and yet it is never enough. Stephan’s sharing can be applied anywhere, that respect for the body and listening to its signals builds a healthy relationship to sport or life in general.
I agree, Rebecca. without listening to the knowing of the body, we miss out on the signals on what is true for us to do and what is not, and this is how we end up far removed from health and well being.
Absolutely right Janet, so far removed from health and wellbeing. I have never really been into sport apart from a spell at the gym and lots of walking, both to control my weight. I have worked in a sports club and have seen many people drive themselves really hard, competing against each other, ending up with injuries, aches and pains, complete exhaustion, with even odd heart attack thrown in. Stephens article is an inspiration and shows us all that there is another way exercise, and listening and respecting our bodies is a big step to true health and well being.
So true Rebecca, I pushed myself with exercise in exactly the same way as I pushed myself with academic studies, and then at work; there was no difference, and the short lived blip of the adrenaline rush I got when I experienced success was also the same, as was the voice that followed, the voice that said ‘that wasn’t good enough’, the voice of doubt. It certainly wasn’t a fulfilling way to live.
Rebecca great point it is not only in sports we push ourselves, but there are many areas we do that, and it is something definitely worth reflecting on.
So true Bernadette, from my time at school I have definitely noticed a correlation between those doing competitive sports and those who turn to abuse drugs, many of whom are then forced to quit the sport due to addiction and health issues
That’s a great insight you had Oliver, an addiction to sport, drugs and alcohol abuse are both part of the same thing, both a cry for help and feeding the emptiness we feel inside.
Dear Stephen, I personally have never been a sports person. So reading your blog so supports what I see in professional athletes. When watching the Olympics, for example. I see smiles on the winners faces, but I also see an exhausted body. If sport and competition were fulfilling and supporting of our soul, then in no way could drugs or alcohol be consumed by any athlete, yet they are and sometimes to excess. Are they being used to numb the feelings that you so honestly described. Bless your sharing, you are a clear role model for any sports enthusiast, also for any ones who is pushing themselves in any way to get and maintain fitness. A role model that clearly shows the pushing, drive to be fit is not the way. That instead a commitment to honour our bodies, part of this honour being to exercise gently. Wow, what you have shared can and will change many peoples approach to how they care for their bodies. Personally, I never used to exercise, other than to walk. This is something I have done for years, however my walk used to be a driven harsh walk. Walking to loose weight. Now I am committed to doing a gentle exercise regime most days and to walking enjoying my walks, feeling the flow of my body, and living the deep connection to self that I feel when I walk, along with the deep connection to nature. Pure gold for my body.
What a beautiful response Leigh, I totally agree that those who read this blog can feel the truth in Stephen’s words and it shows us another way to be.
Hi Leigh,
I liked competition – I liked it a lot. The adrenalin rush was the most addictive part and I found I can have it in sport, playing cards, even in business.
I didn’t care whether I would feel flat afterwards – hello to alcohol! After all the hangover the next day was just a physical pain and I didn’t really feel flat.
What I learned in the last 12 years – and I didn’t know this – was just how bad I would feel the next day – tired, irritable, on edge, generally unpleasant. I didn’t put it together with the adrenalin rush from the day before but the more my awareness increased the more I started to have a choice beforehand.
This meant that the possibility of an adrenalin rush now came with the awareness of all the misery afterwards and after a while the awareness of the unpleasant part became stronger and stronger, which made it very easy to drop further adrenaline rushes.
Later on I found the same was true for all emotions as well. Life without getting upset or elated is so much nicer.
Christoph this is a great comment. I too loved competitive sport for all sorts of reasons but once I found alcohol I couldn’t do it anymore as I would feel too bad on a Saturday morning after friday night. So I never let sport go in a sense but have in the last year been revisiting exercise as I had never really done any other than walk for the last few years. I have found it an interesting and revealing journey, one where consistency is key and one I have avoided. Recently committing to doing exercise everyday has supported my being-ness so much it has been very revealing and supportive.
I agree Vanessa,
Exercise is so much nicer than competing and the body stays fresh all day from exercise.
Competing or exercising hard gives you an endorphine rush so you feel really great for a few minutes but then there is the letdown and the result of straining the body. That is not quite so nice.
Beautiful expression Leigh. How true that if sport and competition were healing and of the soul no drugs or alcohol would need to be consumed.
How crazy is competition ? And how amazing is it to respect one’s own body. Thank you for sharing, Stephen.
I agree Kirsten. Its true that disregarding the body seems to be a key component, and often something heralded, of most competition.
Competitive sport is extremely disregarding on your body, just the grueling training hours are hard enough, let alone the emotional turmoil that occurs in daily life. Some may ask, what are they truly winning? Winning who can sculpt their body into the ultimate machine designed by the sport they are competing in.
Kerstin, I agree competition is a weird invention and not natural to us at all,. My son who is eight now has tried several sports and has always come back from it with disillusion. First because he did not like losing, but very much also because he did not like the physical hurt that always came with it. Now we go swimming as much as possible to exercise and to have fun!
Katinka I’ve experienced the same with my boys when they chose to play football. The overriding factor was that they were exhausted afterwards, my 3 year old kept coming to me during practice and collapsing on top of me and after a while just didn’t want to go anymore. I’m so glad I had the insight to honour that and not make it about the financial outlay. Love this line Stephen, ‘if a feeling comes from within my body it is always true and that it’s infinitely self-caring to respect it.’ Hear hear.
How great that you didn’t push your son into competitive sport Katinka, but allowed him to express how he felt, and then found an exercise where you could join him and have fun together.
I have heard some people say that it is natural for us to compete, but I don’t think so. Like you say Katinka, sport is a weird invention. I wonder when and why it started. It must have been around the time when the human race stopped loving themselves, because I can’t think of any other reason, apart from needing recognition, acceptance, attention, the need to numb or distract themselves or just using it as a tool to lose weight!
So true Kerstin. Stephens article vividly exposes the damage and craziness of competitive sport. Sacrificing the body for a momentary high that always keeps you wanting more.
For people to give up sport they would have to replace their emptiness with something else, and that something else is self-love, then there would be no need to compete with others or push our bodies through the agonies of sport and the highs and lows that go with it. Like you say Anne-Marie it is a crazy cycle we have gotten ourselves into.
Beautifully said Sandra. Self-love is far sweeter than the push and grind of punishing our bodies for the sake of competition where no-one ever truly wins.
Hi Stephen, thanks for this very enlightening blog about competitive sports. While sport wasn’t my thing, I can relate to overriding the body for other goals, pushing it to its limits in my own way and then realising that the achievement of that goal really was an empty place – leading me then to another goal or the next thing to drive myself towards. Regardless of the setting, putting the body last really does feel terrible. There is something bigger for us all to connect to than the emptiness of competition.
Sport isn’t my thing either, Melinda. Stephens blog reminded me that when I saw someone on TV the other day, who was ‘celebrating’ a goal (or it could have been a try). I was really struck by the fact that his face was seemingly joyful, but it didn’t go into his eyes, they were dull and flat. ‘That goal really was an empty place.’
I agree Melinda, if we were to consider life to be an equation, leaving the body out or putting it last may get the desired outcome, but at what cost? Perhaps much of the suffering and problems we see today are because society is running life based on an equation that doesn’t contain respecting and looking after our bodies, and so the result is therefore missing something, hence the need to always reach the next goal.
Thank you for sharing your very real experiences with intense sport and competition Stephen. I would imagine most athletes who are where you were might be unaware about how they really feel underneath the pain, and or triumph. I love how your writing gives a voice to what your body was feeling when you were pushing it.
I agree – Stephan was able to be honest, and not simply focus on the physical pain or the triumph and elation of winning, which I am sure is the case for many athletes. It takes a lot of courage to look at what might not be working in something you are invested in working, and so Stephan’s story is really very inspiring.
I agree Rebecca, the same can be said for investing in things in many areas of our lives. Having expectations that are not fulfilled often leads to bitterness and resentment, letting go of expectations and investments and trusting in the flow of life is so freeing.
and takes a lot of courage to admit that all that effort/investment does not in fact bring any rewards – especially in light of most of the population thinking otherwise.
This is so true Marianna. This investment/effort that brings rewards is often interwoven into our relationships with peers and social circles. When we choose to stop and feel what is truly going on like Stephen did, we are sending another message to our friends of how we can choose to live with vitality and still be fit for life not just for sport.
You are right Suzanne – I was also heavily involved in sport unit my early twenties and studied sport and exercise science. So many if not all of my friends and fellow students at the time were totally committed to achieving higher and higher performance outcomes with very little true regard for themselves. Something that stands out for me is that at this level you are commended and it is deemed admirable if you are able to ‘play on’ through or with an injury and many athletes do this, so much so that sometimes they will never heal their injurys and they become a chronic problem. Many sports also carry risks of health problems developing throughout later life even without injury’s. Thank you Stephan for sharing your way out of this and exposing some of the true harm of competitve sport.
I agree Suzanne… this blog was a bit of an eye opener for me in that I while I knew athletes often led less than fulfilling lives and wellbeing post their ‘career’, I had not realised that the highs were / are so short lived… or to consider the depth of emotional pain underneath the physical pain.
I’ve noticed the same when I have attended sports carnivals with children. There is an air of excitement in the build up to the day as they march in union with their team, but the devastation is felt at the finishing line when ribbons and trophies are handed out to individuals and the pain is hard to hide.