I met ‘Toby’ (name changed) at an Art Exhibition about 10 years ago. I was immediately drawn to his warmth and open-heartedness: he was a caretaker at a disused church that had been turned into an Arts Centre. Toby suffered from a number of physical complaints, as well as mental health disorders, that impacted his life daily.
As I got to know Toby I would often pop in to the centre to see him for a chat, say hello and have a cup of tea with him.
Over the years that I got to know him, I witnessed him have highs and lows and it was here that I really started to notice how little support there is available for people with mental health issues.
I had been travelling for a while and, on my return, wanted to give Toby a card I had been carrying around to give to him. I remember going past where he lived, thinking to pop by and say hello and give him the card, yet was feeling busy that day and left it.
The following day I heard Toby had committed suicide. He was found hanging from the roof in the church.
- “Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease.” (1)
- Over 800,000 people die due to suicide every year and there are many more who attempt suicide. (2)
- Of the total number of suicides registered in 2014 in the UK, 76% were males and 24% were females. (3)
- More than 55,000 suicides occur in the European Union each year, including more than 6,000 in the UK and Ireland. (4)
These statistics are indeed telling us that we, as a society, have got it very very wrong. Every one of these men is someone’s friend, brother, son or dad. Beautiful men, like Toby, each have so much to give, and are cutting their lives short though sheer desperation.
Is it not time as a society for us to listen to what is really going on?
And whilst we commendably see high-profile campaigns on driving safely, and testicular cancer, suicide – the biggest killer of men under 50 – is not discussed and highlighted as it needs to be. What are we doing as a society to have such high rates of suicide?
Unfortunately, from personal observation and from having worked in mental health, I can only see these statistics getting worse. Why? Because we are not addressing the root causes; we are still accepting the stereotypical images of what a man should be and not allowing and accepting men as they are, for themselves.
We all need to be starting the conversation and asking why are these suicide numbers so high? What can we do about it as a society to ensure people feel heard and then to ensure that there is enough true support? And why does this affect three times more men than women?
Is it because there is a deep, deep sensitivity in men that society just doesn’t allow for?
“Men are just as sensitive as women. If we keep expecting them to be hard and tough, they will continue to override their delicate nature.“
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As a society, and in truth as a worldwide family, we are all longing for deeper connection with ourselves and those around us, and the simple act of listening without judgment can be such a huge support to someone who is struggling with their mental health.
We can no longer leave any stone unturned when it comes to looking at the root causes of these statistics. Just for starters, we need to look at all the systems we have in place – the education system, the legal system, the healthcare system – and look to why there is not a fundamental level of deep compassionate care at the very heart of their strategies, policies and procedures. No longer can we give up and brush statistics like these aside, as these men are our brothers, fathers, sons. They are our community.
Many men like Toby have ended their lives too soon, leaving family and friends devastated. To me this highlights the responsibility we all have for our mental well-being, but also the lack of support and connection we have with each other in society. We can no longer keep suicide isolated.
We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be. How many more men need to die? How many more have committed suicide in the time you have read this blog?
We are in desperate times and unless we fully acknowledge the problem and no longer distract ourselves away from it, then the number of suicides will increase. Let’s not allow that to happen, by starting to change the way we relate to each other now, and no longer accepting the imposition society imposes on men.
“What do men want most?
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By Samantha, UK
References:
- http://www.theguardian.com/society/2014/aug/15/suicide-silence-depressed-men, UK Office for National Statistics, Statistical Bulletin
- http://www.who.int/mental_health/prevention/suicide/suicideprevent/en/
- http://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/deaths/bulletins/suicidesintheunitedkingdom/2014registrations
- https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/a-to-z/s/suicide
- Esoteric Teachings and Revelations, Serge Benhayon, page 555
- Esoteric Teachings and Revelations, Serge Benhayon, page 560
If you or someone you know is experiencing suicidal thoughts, please call:
Australia: United Kingdom: In other countries: |
Further Reading:
Is the Internet the Answer to Loneliness?
Haunted by the Desire to not Live: Finding my Way back to My True Self
Bullying and suicide in construction – Does building culture need to change?
Self-love and true love for ourselves and others equally is the foundation for living in harmony with ourselves and all those around us.
Samantha you wrote this article back in 2016, just the other day I read that the suicide rates amongst children have shot up! So not only are adults finding life increasingly difficult to cope with but children too. What is this saying about the society we live in? Something is dreadfully wrong but quite honestly it feels to me that somehow we do not care enough I get the sense of as long as I’m okay Jack never mind about anyone else. I wonder how much worse does our way of living have to get until we call a halt and say enough is enough.
“We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be. ” We can not continue to look the other way, The world needs love, it needs us to be love and we need the systems to be about based on love first.
Not ever committing suicide or really gone down that road as a thought process it is with appreciation that I approach this subject by saying as a man it is difficult to openly talk to other men and therefore we leave openings for different thinking’s, thought’s or energy to come in as everything is energy.
In our family, we have had two suicides within the last two years. There were no obvious signs that this was going to happen but thinking back the signs were there but we didn’t think for a minute this would be the outcome.
Suicide rates are increasing because we are not addressing the root causes. Until we address the underlying cause nothing will truly change.
We can make a difference by the way we interact with men in seemingly small ways that acknowledge their innate sensitivity because it all adds to a ripple effect that is sadly much needed in our current society where the suicide rates of men continue to increase.
It is difficult to fathom what must be happening for someone who is wanting to take their own life, but as hard as this is, I know that judgement will not help the situation.
I love returning to your blog Samantha because it reminds me to never discount anyone, we have no idea what people are going through so every moment with every person is enormously precious.
You are giving us back the responsibility we all have in our lives to deeply care for one another’. to not close the door but to feel and see what is happening in our society, how we are choosing to support some but not all, we are a worldwide family as you have shared and it is time to embrace everything that comes with it.
This is such a wake up call to understanding and seeing the reality of male suicide. Recently I heard of someone attempting suicide and it made me think why is it that we are seeing such alarming figures and when are we going to stop and support men and the families around them.
I saw a Facebook post where a friend talked about holding men (energetically) in the true sensitivity in which they are and I was really touched by that. And have been practising that in the presence of men, allowing myself to feel their sensitivity and to hold them in that space as well.
I feel we often become stunned and saddened by the ever-increasing suicide statistics but at the same time feel a little helpless as to what we can do, so we do nothing. But there is always something we can do, as you have done, and that is to consistently bring people’s attention to what is taking place within our society. Just sharing with one person may make a difference that may not be obvious at that moment in time. And it is important to remember that it is not just about the people who are choosing to take their lives but also about those left behind who are grieving, feeling guilty and angry and who for the rest of their lives will wonder if there was anything they could have done. The ripple affect of one death, in this way, is huge.
It is very telling of where we are at as a society, that with these disturbing statistics which represent what is happening to us as humanity, we are not concerned and worse that we have accepted these alarmingly increasing rates of suicide to be normalised. How numb have we become to be so disconnected to the anguish, suffering and pain our brothers are experiencing to feel that there is no other option but to end their life? This is disturbing, that we have normalised this way of life. What reflection are we offering our children when these are the accepted options for addressing challenges in life and furthermore why are we not considering that our current societal standards, ideal and beliefs are simply not working? We are sentient beings first and we do feel everything and to be continually dishonoring who we are in essence is what is making us ill, discontent and living so disconnected from ourselves and each other.
The statistic that over 800,000 die every year is shocking. There are so many people suffering in silence, people who outwardly maybe seen to be having a good time but inwardly are not. My friend was seemingly ok but wasn’t. We need to look at what we consider a good time to be because partying wasn’t a party. If drinking and other stuff meant to make us feel better are the resources we most turn to, but don’t actually support, then isn’t it worth a look at what’s with us as a society as a whole?
The fact that we have such high suicide rates in doctors shows unfortunately the very big mess we are currently in. We live in a harsh world that does not honour one’s sensitivity,
When our natural sensitivity is bludgeoned and not allowed to be expressed openingly horrendous consequences occur.
‘Is it not time as a society for us to listen to what is really going on?’ It can be so easy for us to ‘get on with our busy lives’ and not take the time and care needed for others. To look at and listen to what is really going on, would mean we would have to fundamentally shift the way we are choosing to live on-mass and changing this would take a tremendous commitment from us individually.
There are two great evils that plague our world today. 1) the fact that we are never truly honoured and cherished for who we truly are. And 2) the fact that we don’t cherish and adore ourselves for the love we truly are and because of that accept all the loveless abuse society offers when it does not honour who you truly are.
“listening without judgment can be such a huge support” not just for those with a mental health concern or condition but everyone.
When women meet men as the sensitive beings they are then men will feel and honour the sensitivity they know they are.
Serge Benhayon sums it up so clearly in the first quote – “men are just as sensitive as women” – and I feel so strongly that if we allowed them to retain this natural sensitivity from the day they are born that we would have a world full of men who know who they truly are. A man who knows who he is in his inner essence, one who doesn’t need to conform to what society expects of him, is a man who will honour and appreciate the life he is here to live.
This is a real wakeup call for everyone to see these statistics about male suicide. And the questions that these figures raise are worthy of stopping everything until we have something sorted to support these men.
It starts way back in their childhood where little boys are allowed to be moulded by societies idea of how a boy should be, slowly the tenderness of the boy is shut down when told be tough, the idols they are presented with to be looked up to are the tough he man type, which is carried through with sports stars, this lack of honouring from a young age and then throughout life is what leads many men to end their lives, never being met for the deep tender sensitive men they truly are.
Suicide is a very topical subject at the moment. We have to get underneath what is really going on for people that so many are choosing to suicide.
Mental health and ultimately suicide has to fall at the feet of the established system with more professionals in the area of supporting people with these issues. Lets find out what is truly going on for this rate of deaths to reach the number one killer of humans world wide as it has now over taken heart disease and cancer we have to find the answer.
I absolutely agree with you Samantha that in light of the shocking suicide statistics it is time, “as a society for us to listen to what is really going on?”; why is it that many find living so very hard that they make the decision to end their very precious lives? Each one of the ‘statistics’ is a real, warm and loving person, someone’s son, someone’s brother, someone’s grandson and the pain of those left behind is often too painful to bear. Men need to know that what society accepts them to be as a man is so far from the truth of who they are, a tender and very sensitive being who needs as much love and support as does a woman. Maybe with this understanding they may begin to see there is a place in the world for them, no matter what is unfolding in their lives.
In society we expect our men to be the strong, silent type when it comes to their feelings – clearly, this expectation is not working. In fact, I would go so far as to say we set them up from a very young age to struggle with their feelings and are taught to keep them in and hold back. So, we cannot be surprised when so many of them crack under the expectations and strain.
It is so true what you wrote here Samantha about how desperate men feel when their natural sensitivity is not honoured and they feel like they constantly have to live in a tough and hardened way to prove themselves, which eventually can lead to suicide. It’s almost like people don’t want to look at suicide as seriously as other illnesses and diseases because of the sheer extreme nature of the act, yet that doesn’t stop millions of people going to incredibly violent movies and playing video games where people are murdered and mutilated in the most graphic ways imaginable. Something is surely amiss here.
Suicidal ideation is a hugely growing problem amongst young people and the elderly in our communities who are struggling with ill mental health and/or chronic pain. There are lots of local services which are very good and are doing all that they can, but they are for the most part – completely swamped. There are other services too which are intervening and helping where they can, but all in all the problem is wide spread and deep with complications and issues, as no one person can be swiftly ‘cured’ as each requires sensitive care and attention, things which an overstretched system struggles to provide.
Most parents of young boys know how sensitive they are but sadly, in the belief that men should be strong, macho and tough, they can often dismiss the natural sensitivity and reward and encourage displays of toughness in the mistaken belief that this will protect them from the world.
It is incredibly sad when anyone takes their own life and yet we have come to think it is one of the options when things get tough. As a society we would do well to work hard on the small day to day stuff we don’t think matters so we can build into something that does matter.
The issue of suicide is a huge one for our society to tackle. It requires us to look outside the box of it being about that moment when someone takes their own life, or even the weeks leading up to that decision and ask how are we living that even allows the thought that not being here would be better than living the way we are.
The quotes from Serge Benhayon bring home the delicate truth. They are Gold and who we are. A confirmation from a man who lives it.
When truth is presented like this it is activation in me to simply listen to how much I feel, to trust and truly honour my sensitive ways by supporting my body with absolute movements of tenderness and care. This has 100% eliminated any suicidal thoughts I once had and exposed just the extent of what withdrawing from life creates.
We harangue the world for being wrong and make a big deal or weapons, bombs and drug deaths but it seems we always avoid asking why these things happen in the first place. It’s got nothing to do with horrible human beings but everything to do with the sensitivity we have long ignored inside. This applies to us all as you beautifully show Samantha.
” What are we doing as a society to have such high rates of suicide? ”
This is a very good question another question could be asked :
” What are we doing as a society to have any suicide ? “
Here in London people sometimes jump in front of the tubes on the underground. The driver and the onlookers are often traumatised for the rest of their life. When this happens, the driver is given paid leave and counselling until they are well enough to return to work. We may never know what the thoughts are moments before jumping, but we can start to have conversations more openly about this subject so that people can express how they feel instead of holding it all inside.
With personal experience of suicide, looking back the signs were there, but we did not voice what we had sensed. We can so easily dismiss the thoughts of asking them how they feel or what’s going on with them because we fear that we will make it worse or maybe not be able to help or even, it’s none of our business. Whatever the reason for the awkwardness, this is a conversation that needs to be happening, especially as suicide rates are rising and the devastation it causes to all concerned.
Thank you Elizabeth for sharing that it all begins with the impact of our life’s reflection to others. This goes with a responsibility to live with less protection and allow ourselves to feel each moment unfold.
Yes, it is long overdue time to listen to what is going on for us as a society, and this has to start with us listing to ourselves first, then we are able to listen and understand what is going on for another more easily.
I have had a few friends whose fathers have suicided and it is totally devastating. There is so much shame around it for people and it is not openly talked about and this changes the grieving process as there is an awkwardness or avoidance of people bringing the person up, so those left behind are often not able to speak about it or share how they truly feel.
It is awful when someone takes their own life. We had a close family member do just that last year and I felt so shocked when I heard the news and then the anger came quickly after that. Neither lasted very long but I did feel hurt by the decision that had been made and having experienced this it is easy to see how some people never get over the shock of it.
Ill mental health is often seen as dangerous and something that occasionally happens as an unfortunate thing that comes over us but what if the way we are all living together is contributing to it? What if thinking negatively about our looks is already ill mental health? If we don’t make our own lives more loving and our relationships too these statistics can’t but rise until we make a change.
Nearly 1 million people suicide every year. It doesn’t matter if this is a worldwide number or not, its still huge. Having worked in health and hospitals for a long time I have certainly seen the investment shortfall in the mental wellbeing of our community. Something that I find interesting to reflect on is how some illnesses or disease attract more funding than others. The big ticket items of cancer and heart disease seem to take a lion’s share in community funding, media, etc while others don’t.
So care needs such as mental health, palliative care, aged care, dementia don;t really seem to attract the same level of interest. We could say that the in the latter these are potentially much more exposing for us as a community, for it exposes how we are living on every level, how we relate and interrelate, what our social supports are like and how living as individual units or even individual family units will not serve us as a community in the long run.
The stats never fail to shock me to my core. Almost a million men committing suicide a year? That is outrageous. And yes, you nailed it Leonne, we are still imposing the stereotype ideals on men to be tough and get on with it. How much worse does it need to get before we really really get it, that it doesn’t work?!
Really we should have been up in arms when one man took their life, now we have to work hard to undo much of the harm that has been done.
‘We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be.’ Absolutely Samantha – we need to challenge the systems that encourage us to live in isolation from each other and put pressure on men to deny their innate sensitivity. It is only when we start truly connecting with ourselves and each other that we will start to turn the tide on these shocking suicide statistics.
Love the Serge Benhayon quotes. Why do we raise our sensitive tender young boys to be tough when inside we all want to be loved and cared for – men and women alike?
When we start the open conversation about suicide, and death and dying we break the mentality that they are taboo subjects to discuss and start to honestly expose and understand what is really going on for people in our society today.
Suicide is devastating to those who are left behind – and it is very telling that it affects so many men who let themselves be manoeuvred into such an impasse that taking their own life can be thought to be a viable option.
‘Over 800,000 people die due to suicide every year and there are many more who attempt suicide.’ – how can we accept this as just a part of life. This figure is staggering and that we simply shrug it of as a part of today’s life highlights just how disconnected we are from ourselves and each other as a civilisation. What is going on to have so many feel that life is no longer worth living? The sad fact is that we seem to not care enough ourselves to be concerned by these statistics which are offering us a snapshot of how we are doing as a humanity. As you have said Samantha we need to address this now, starting by having these discussions and looking at how we ourselves are living, as we are ultimately all responsible for the way our world has developed today through what qualities we are allowing to shape our society.
When we realize that we are all connected, that irrespective of whether we lock ourselves away in our own little boxes… It doesn’t matter… We are literally all one and everything that we do affects everyone else, and we are simply put, one family.
We naturally have a responsibility for one another, it’s so incredibly sad to hear as a whole global human society we are failing so many people in that they feel they need to end their lives. Surely there is never a stronger indicator that every single interaction we have with another human being is incredibly important.
Its so wonderful Samantha that Toby got to meet you and so wonderful that you got to meet Toby. Suicide is where a person believes they have no other option. One of the starting points to support people to not commit suicide is to talk about and consider all the forces involved to influence a person to commit suicide. One of those influences comes from the dark forces that surround a person in the energy of depression . The voices they hear to coax them to commit suicide come from entities that want to take their power away , these entities ” get off ” on the bullying of the person to commit suicide.
Having many men in my life who have suffered from mental illness at some stage of their lives I can connect to this sharing in many ways. Many men feel isolated and alone if they have mental illness because it is expected that they be tough and strong and not share how they really feel. Allowing men the space to share and express how they truly feel and services where they can seek help is very important and allows them to feel that they are not alone and gives a greater voice to the problem at large.
It is a non-negotiable, we have to speak up and change the way we parent and value men in our society to ensure we give men a reflection that if they are themselves, if they are sensitive, caring and even delicate they will still be loved and celebrated by women. The fear of rejection drives men into behaviours that are deeply harming for and to them.
What you have expressed in this blog Samantha is horrifying and a sad indictment on our society, we certainly have got it very very wrong. Lets keep the conversation going.
When I read this blog I am very touched by the connection that was built with Toby. So often people with mental health conditions are avoided or ignored and some must feel quite isolated. It is true that the services available to people with mental health are inadequate and stretched to breaking point, due to the increasing mental health problems in society. But if we took a leaf out of the authors book, there may be more genuine community support and connections available, reducing the isolation and other factors that impact on rates of healthcare use.
when we read that 800,000 people commit suicide each year it is an extraordinarily obvious flag being raised to signal to humanity that something is desperately wrong… And reinforces even more the need for What Universal Medicine is presenting to the world to be heard, read, and lived.
‘Is it because there is a deep, deep sensitivity in men that society just doesn’t allow for?’ This is so true Samantha. I watched two young boys playing together at a community event at the weekend. They were super sweet and very tender with each other, naturally so and it made me ponder on what causes boys as they grow up to feel they have to cover up what is innately beautiful.
A chilling, realistic and honest account of suicide in our society, thank you Samantha. We certainly do need to open up the conversation to dig deeper into the causes and impact of suicide.
Of late I can see more organisations are trying to bring suicide out of the closet and have it spoken about so the root cause can be addressed, but this giant killer, particularly of young men has a long way to go before it is really understood.
It seems that we are a very large and slow tanker to turn around – we talk about it but changing our behaviour and our expectations becomes personal and I still see there is an enormous fear of rejection and of being mocked for not being that rough and tumble man with a hard exterior and tender and gentle inside.
Yes there are so many screaming examples of why it is time for us as a society to listen to what is really going on. I wonder just how loud the messages need to get before we start to collectively listen and ask the questions that are so in our face.
I agree Nicola – these statistics are a clear sign that we as a humanity are slowly but surely killing ourselves with how we are with each other and the lovelessness and disconnection we are allowing to be ‘normalised. This is not what we truly want, how we want our relationships or the wold for that matter to be. Through what we have agreed to we have paved this current way of existence for us, and through accepting responsibility in our lives we can begin to reset our foundations to support us to live with the greater values of love and truth that respect us all.
A friend just told me the other day that her son had tried to commit suicide; superficially, this young man looks like the most unlikely candidate for such a self-brutalising act and yet, it happened and is happening right now to others as we speak.
“No longer can we give up and brush statistics like these aside, as these men are our brothers, fathers, sons. They are our community.” the tragedy of suicide is felt by so many people, with the rates at an alarming level, a tragedy that could be prevented if we as a society were more lovingly connected to our selves and then to each other, for every human being is our brother.
In living we can experience that death is in fact a positive experience for change to happen, it can be a time full of love and respect and appreciation, it can actually bring people closer together and strengthen relationships with deeper intimacy and trust. Every person has the right to experience this, every person has it in them to have this as their way of passing over.
So often suicide rates are an after thought on a daily media distractions – playing second fiddle to social media rants on the world of entertainment and latest must have’s. Is this not a telling sign on how dismissive we are and chose to ignore a world problem that is not going away?
The rates of suicide continue at unacceptable levels, and as a society we need to become incensed by this, so much that we all say this needs to stop. Only then will the doors open and walls come down to the myriad of reasons why men feel so distraught and so hopeless that the only way out is to take their own life.
I have always thought that in order to actually go through with the act of suicide, a person must be extremely desperate and depressed, but quite often some people come across as business as usual and their relatives have no idea what they are planning, and it comes as a total shock. But then I wonder are the signs always there but we fail to pay attention or too involved in our own lives to care enough, and brushing the warning signs aside.
The problem with suicide, like many social problems that are seemingly beyond our control, is that in truth they are beyond our immediate control. However, this is not to say we cannot contribute to solving the problem. However, whilst we need management systems and systems of support for those who are in need, the best way to deal with the spectre of suicide is to understand its root cause, and that is a lack of connection. And so, if you wish to contribute to the issue of suicide, then live in full in such a way that inspires others to do the same. Stop being insular, and thinking that the boundaries of your world are defined by your white picket fence. Meet people in the eye. Let them know by a simple glance that they are worth your time. That may seem a small thing, but it is worth remembering the actions of Mr Ritchie, known as the Angel of The Gap, a known suicide haunt in Sydney where many a person jumped to their deaths. He was known for saving many a life simply by reaching out and offering those in need with a good chat and a cup of tea back at his house. There is no doubt that many who commit suicide have such deep seated mental health issues that a simple cup of tea and moment of connection won’t change things, but he proved that in many cases, such a simple gesture is often all that is required to assist someone to heal and move away from such an extreme way of dealing with their pain.
Currently there is a lot of awareness being brought to doctors who are suiciding. The more awareness we bring to these issues the better. Sooner or later we have to realize that the way that we are living is simply not working and there has to be another way so that people do not see suicide as a viable option.
It really does highlight how feelings of being alone and unsupported with the tensions and stresses of life people are feeling if so many people consider and commit to such an act.
We all experience stress and tension in our lives but for some it’s too much. And I wonder now, for those who aren’t in that place, what are we doing, what can we do to support those who need that support? Are we even doing anything or keeping to ourselves?
To consider there is no way to resolve the pain being felt, to consider no-one around you can support you with that pain and the only option is to end your life – that is not a quick decision. We have time to help those who want to be helped. My question would be, do we really listen when people talk? Do we take time to hear the unspoken, and if we do, do we know how help a person find the support they are looking for to address the pain of separation they feel?
“We all need to be starting the conversation and asking why are these suicide numbers so high? What can we do about it as a society to ensure people feel heard and then to ensure that there is enough true support?”
Indeed we do, this should be on the front pages of all our newspapers.
What’s scary and exposing about suicide is that it isn’t just one group of people or society that choose to take their life but ALL kinds of people, even those we consider ‘highly intelligent’ or super successful. This goes to show that our current standards of ‘success’ are inaccurate, and that everyone needs equal support to understand what love is and practically implement that into their lives.
we are indeed in desperate times Samantha when even our doctors are at increasing likelihood of suicide – those who have dedicated their lives to the health and well-being of others are feeling isolated and withdrawn enough to take their own lives… when even one suicide should be enough to make everyone stop and consider what has become of us as a community. What have we allowed to arise through our own unwillingness to see what is truly going on.
I have witnessed many men who play ball with the ideals and beliefs of others in order to fit in and not rattle the status quo. The question here is if the status quo is so great why then are we seeing these alarming rates of suicide in all ages?
‘we are not addressing the root causes; we are still accepting the stereotypical images of what a man should be and not allowing and accepting men as they are, for themselves.’ it does beg the question of how severe do things have to be before we as a society will take notice and look at truly addressing the causes of the ills in our way of living.
Some time back during a conversation, the subject of sick partners came up and how they can be like a baby, to which I offered, maybe we react to partners/men being a so called baby when they are sick because we aren’t choosing to do the same when we are ill. We just soldier on and put everyone last and then feel resentful. Perhaps they are showing us how we should be when we are not well, as it is much more honouring and self loving, and everyone loves to be cared for and feel that support from others. Afterwards, there was quite a pause, and then someone said, yes, we do need to delegate or let others help when we are not well, that’s true.
These statistics highlight the sobering reality of the struggle faced by a lot of men to ‘fit in’ with society’s ideals and beliefs of how a ‘real man’ should be and the fact they are not being accepted and appreciated for the gorgeous, tender loving men they truly are.
The very fact that we have suicide shows us that something is wrong, something about life is not working. It’s obvious but I’m not sure i really appreciated the power I have, we have. For example say we walk down the street in those moments we can be inspiring others to open up, not protect themselves if we ourselves are open. That’s been my experience both when meeting people who have been open and who are willing to connect its supported me to open up and also when I do the same. It shows that no matter what is going on, if we remain open and willing to connect perhaps we can restore trust in others and put an end to the suicide epidemic.
We cannot say we live in a way that we are connected with one another and yet in truth we are connected. How come we are so far away from living who we truly are. We have our phones, our social media, internet, all forms of connection but it will not work when we are not willing to build a relationship with ourselves and from there with others.
This is a very sobering blog and makes the not wanting to know about things be right there in our faces as a reality. Just because it is not happening to us doesn’t mean we don’t have anything to do with it. So why are men at high statistics on suicide? For me it is a matter of reminding myself that they are not just numbers but men’s lives. A great reminder to connect to the men in my life with the sensitivity that they are.
Suicide has become such a common thing not only from the statistics, but I have known far too many people personally who have taken their own lives. What can we do? We all need to bring more love and acceptance into our lives and accept people for who they are and that no matter what our upbringing was like or where we are from, underneath it all we are all very sensitive.
It is tragic enough that we have so many people die through war and murder, but to have so many people take their lives because they cannot stand being in this world, we do need to stop and look a little closer what we have life allowed to become and bring back the truth that we know and bring true care and compassion back into our lives.
All men want to live the truth of who they are. Control or checking out from life comes from feeling a lack of permission to be themselves. Would men not then fight back and either want to be the best or similarly withdraw and retreat in life? Having to live a facade or protection is a reduction of themselves, even though recognition may come in different forms in life, ultimately true satisfaction and settlement of ourselves come from being ourselves. All men just want to be themselves–that they are tender and not hard and to be allowed the spaciousness to come to this conclusion.
It’s very sad and shocking to read these statistics and to feel the weight of the truth they impart. So much needs to change within society families schools – to support everyone in connecting and expressing so that true self worth can be felt, embraced and lived.
There are 4 men I know who have committed suicide directly and one who drank himself to death, which is probably not part of the statistics. It is an absolute truth that these men had a drug problem. So what is the link between drugs and suicide could it be that we become so empty from taking drugs or maybe we are empty so this is why we start taking drugs? Taking drugs creates a deeper separation and an opening so we get those voices that distract us so much that we can take our own life.
I know there have been times in my life that I’ve “felt” like what is the point in living, yet today I can look back and see that these thoughts were not mine, that in fact I don’t think and with that we have to ask ourselves who and what is making someone suicide and if our thoughts are not ours then where are they coming from? In any case perhaps we have to not try and fix people but support them to heal.
‘“Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease.” (1)’ A shocking statistic Samantha. And there has been a rise in teen suicide. It says much about the state of connection we have with each other.
With these statistics we can indeed not say we are evolving as a community, society or humanity. We have to crack the feeling of being ‘fine’ ourselves, so not doing anything about the systems that are lacking of true care and love. This starts with ourselves too because I feel accepting negative thoughts about myself and being hard on myself come from the same seed as the loveless systems. When we start to love ourselves we will naturally ask for love in systems or not give ourselves away to them whilst we have to use them.
Life is deeply intense and the statistics of suicide is shocking. In living the pressure of life, we tend to close down and isolate ourselves exacerbating the problem. This is a much-needed topic of conversation.
A great topic to talk about Samantha – the fact that we hold men as strong and tough and this feeds the momentum when really they are not this underneath. If you look at a baby boy they are no different to a girl – it is only as they grow older and try to fit into the box we’ve created that they change to be ‘strong tough men’ who don’t show their sensitivity.
I had an amazing discussion with a social worker the other day about suicide and call centers – that sometimes there is nothing that they can do, and the effect this can have on those at the end of the phone trying to offer support, knowing that a person they spoke to chose to take their life. The ripple affect of suicide is unmeasurable.
How crazy is it that we have come to accept suicide as a ‘normal’ part of human life. You don’t see sparrows, dogs or lions deciding that life’s not for them, or that the best way forward is for their days to end – so how is it that we find ourselves leaving this way? I feel the key lies in the sensitivity of your friend that you mention Samantha, and how if we don’t honour that life can seem too tough and get twisted in a deeper energetic way. We can start to misunderstand what we feel and start to sense that things are too hard and painful – when the truth is we are incredibly aware and strong.
“You don’t see sparrows, dogs or lions deciding that life’s not for them, or that the best way forward is for their days to end” yes how ridiculous that sounds and yet how sad that we as human beings have accepted it as normal. Accepting things as normal puts the stop onto wanting to make a change, it is very important to not fall for the ‘normal’.
Even considering suicide should be something that we make a thing of the past, I have lost a very close childhood friend to suicide and another told me recently that he had seriously considered it because he didn’t know who he could turn to in that moment. This shows me that in these moments we are not thinking clearly because I know my friend did have people that he could have turned to. Depression is an illness that has to be taken a lot more seriously if we are to bring these statistics down.
Until we stop being self-absorbed with distractions around us that we can truly connect and care about another who might be in need of simply connecting or being heard, it is in the simplicity of our own connection that others find true inspiration and healing of their own.
“Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease.” This is huge and hard to take in! There is so little awareness of this as a problem. I knew that mental illness is on the rise, but didn’t clock the extent to which people are feeling so lost.
Everyone in this world simply wants to be connected with. It is this lack of connection that is making people feel so alone, isolated and unloved. The more we connect with ourselves the easier it is to connect with another.
We need to be aware of just how early on in life this problem starts, it’s not with men but when they are still boys at an early age that they are first rejected for being themselves.
Michael, this is an important point – every boy and girl need to be celebrated for who they truly are and not be rejected for not fitting into the box of expectations and demands.
The fact that there is very little support for people with mental health issues is a reality, and what’s more, is that with out the support these conditions are going deeper in to the body and so now chronic pain and mental health issues are becoming very intertwined as the multi-symptomatic man becomes increasingly more complicated.
Samantha, this is a great article, from what I observe what you are sharing is so true, ‘Is it because there is a deep, deep sensitivity in men that society just doesn’t allow for?’ I see this with boys in schools, how they are so naturally sweet and sensitive and that with peer pressure and expectations from parents and teachers and the media, that boys think they should not be themselves – sweet, innocent and sensitive and so they start to cover up, deny and change their natural ways, and a hardness and protection is put on, it doesn’t take much when they are young to uncover this and the sweetness is there to feel, it is crazy and very sad that this happens to boys, that there is not an encouragement in society and accepting of boys and men for being themselves.
It seems that both genders have lost the way in a world set up to be competitive and aggressive. In our efforts to protect ourselves we have hardened and withdrawn from our own natural openness and sensitivity contributing to a raising level of disconnection from each other that negates our natural interdependence.
Samantha, these statistics highlight a society that is definitely on the wrong track and this blog brings home the fact that we each have a responsibility to reflect to others, firstly a connection with ourselves, and a willingness to openly connect with others. If we walk around reflecting our own delicate tenderness it gives others permission to be like this and it supports people to drop their protection and open up to connecting with others. We all long for this and yet we walk around caged in our little isolated world comparing ourselves to others and usually thinking we are less and even if we think we are more, it still breeds the same energy. People like Toby withdraw from life because they have not been fully met for who they truly are and if we were to accept and allow the deep sensitivity that boys have they may not have the same need to protect themselves and then suffer underneath the façade the are forced to present to the world.
The imposition placed upon us from very early in life impacts the life we choose to live as these choices often come from the ideals, beliefs and picture we have grownup with. The common burden of being tough, playing competitive sport, not showing how you feel or expressing it, have all repeatedly filtered through most systems in the world e.g. education, medical, health, career choices etc. It is time that we as women claimed our fragility and preciousness and in this invite and encourage our boys, husbands, sons and brothers to do the same. There is a glaring imbalance in the sex’s and the time has come to do away with the roles and expectations and to start living from the deep tenderness we equally hold in our hearts.
You are so right Samantha the number of suicides will only increase if this problem is not addressed and blown wide open so we all are aware of what is going on. How many of these deaths could have been avoided if these people had someone to turn to or a place to go and discuss what is going for them.
Watching a programme recently about two teenagers who committed suicide both whom were not depressed and showing no signs that they were being cyber bullied. It’s really important that we start to truly connect with ourselves and each other.
I talk to a lot of men about the impositions they feel from society and it is interesting to observe how their bodies cope with the conversation. Some squirm and want to change the conversation and others are so relieved someone has said what they feel but don’t feel they can say. When the statistics keep rising, we have to work out why, we have to open cupboard doors that we might have walked past, we have to look where we haven’t looked, and we have to be prepared to know that we are the ones who will be and live the change we want to see in the world. It comes down to us choosing to love and care for each other so much that we choose a different way.
Most of us are too caught up in our own lives to notice if someone is in trouble, other things in life like keeping up with the Jones seem to take priority over looking out for those who may be struggling. As a society we do need to listen to what is going on and cut the images that are so rooted in us as men and learn that we need to express how we feel because suicide is not the answer, especially for those friends and loved ones that are left wondering why?
It is a tragedy each and every person that suicides. It makes me think how important living openly and connecting with people is, as this makes a difference more than we can see.
As women, I feel we have a big role to play in supporting men to rediscover and feel safe to express their sensitivity. If our boys are still growing up under this oppressive influence, we are not supporting our sons to maintain their sensitivity or supporting our partners to rediscover theirs, so they can be great role models to our boys. We are standing back as we watch our boys being shown what it is to be a man, (e.g.. to not cry, to not show their feelings) and not speaking up that that is not the truth.
We are good at trying out solutions to things in society, that appear to have an easy fix. We tend to avoid those issues that are systemic, that require us to fundamentally change, like the way we raise our boys to shut down their feelings and act like a ‘man’. This is something we have all contributed to and possibly we don’t want to acknowledge this
Absolutely powerful, thank you Samantha for being there, with open eyes and see what is happening and opening up the floor for humanity to see what is going on, and how we can change it. Stop living in this isolated bubble, putting all the horrors and accidents and incidents, suicides outside of ourselves. Time to truly heal, face and feel what is going on, as we can not let them continue as they are our obvious speakers (people who suicide) who show us that the systems do not work, we absolute crave connection – AND WE NEED A DIFFERENT WAY to stop it. As we can see , if we continue in the same current way, the numbers will only INCREASE. That is not fair at all, as we can change it.
we are still accepting the stereotypical images of what a man should be and not allowing and accepting men as they are, for themselves. This is so true Samantha and if we don’t change this, the statistics will sadly grow. Men are naturally tender, caring and sensitive, and we need to start supporting them to be this and express themselves more by inviting them to share how they are feeling and what is going on for them, as part of an everyday practice within families or at or workplaces.
I am stunned when I stop and feel not only that 1 person but 55,000 people commit suicide each year in the EU alone. That affects at least 55 million people but how is it possible that as a society we have life setup so that people feel the only way out for them is to suicide? Instead of worrying about which “celebrity” is having a baby or getting botox this issue among other critical issues should be being debated and in our everyday awareness.
I was recently witness to the devastation of a family who had had to deal with the suicide of a family member, and it made me wonder if a person was able somehow to truly consider the mess that they would leave behind, and the affect they would have on others, if they would still have gone through with it. Obviously, in that moment, someone feels so isolated and devoid of connection that such thoughts do not pass through their mind.
We also need to look at how we are as women – we have a big part to play in this – have we walked so far away from ourselves to join men in their hard and false exterior confirming this is okay? Instead of staying solid and steady and say no, come back to sacredness.
It’s a very important topic to start talking about, suicide. I mean I see a lot of talking and a lot of support but it doesn’t seem to be changing anything. I read this morning the horrific abuse of a young person who then suicided and it had all the hallmarks of a classic suicide tale. Not to diminish from individual people suicides or to be disrespectful for what goes on but just to show we have a majority of these stories following similar lines, in that there are people who aren’t coping with how the world is to the point that they remove themselves from the world. We have more support networks and more conversations about suicide then ever before and yet the numbers keep increasing, how can that be? How are we looking at suicide and how are we truly treating all those involved. There is obviously something amiss with how we are when people are removing themselves from the world in this way and equally the way we support and treat them is still also missing the mark.
Out of all the things that can take a man’s life prematurely suicide should be the easiest to sort out. Support and understanding and a place where we can go that supports sensitivity, gentleness and a tender way of being. It is so sad that these men feel that there is no where else to turn. It just shows the unnecessary pressure that is on us to be a certain way and just not be.
“What do men want most? All men want to be loved for who they truly are.” Serge Benhayon. Who else is out there saying this? I don’t see anyone and at this point men are at the sickest they have ever been, we are the sickest we have ever been. You would think from seeing or producing the statistics that are available these days like the ones listed here we would be going all out to see what’s going on. At this point it wouldn’t seem so and so most of this wisdom is left on the shelf. It’s a shame we are still seeing the world as being flat when it’s clearly not. This is no different, the answers we need are right in front of our eyes but we don’t want to see them. For men and for all of us we would give ourselves a huge blessing by accepting the possibly at least of these words above.
More and more I am coming to see and appreciate the delicate nature of men. It is truly beautiful when a man is able to show this.
That’s a great turn of phrase ’empty systems’ as they are are decidedly broken and lacking in all areas. It is something we as a community need to address urgently as so many are being deeply hurt by these systems.
This inspires me to never undervalue the importance of every interaction and what I can bring to them. Super important to appreciate and feel the beauty of these connections. How often do we not always feel how much we actually mean to another and how much another values such a connection?
I know I feel completely crushed when expected to play the role as a man (stereotypically speaking).
It goes against my nature that is naturally very warm and tender towards everyone. And when I interact with men I know they yearn to express in such a way also.
This is a powerful blog Samantha, highlighting just how desperate some people become, and where are we at as a society when even just one suicide does not have us up in arms asking what is going on. It’s so easy to continue in our comfortable lives, seemingly untouched by such events. Opening up to what’s really going on and the extent of it, judging by those statistics, is very needed. Thanks for making a start.
There is so much that goes on in people’s lives that we just don’t understand or know about. How we are living is a result of how much suicide there is, how we are in our communities these days, how we live as individuals, there is so much that is not supported, but then again we are not supporting ourselves either. There is so much more that has to change.
We do need to look at the reality of the way we are living, and yes I agree we need to talk about what’s going on. We tend to pay lip service to the horrors of suicide, but until it affects us personally (as with most things) we don’t take any action. I am glad there are organisations that are making the public more aware of this devastating issue.
I know we can look at mental illness as obviously leading to suicide. But before that, as a society, we need to look at connection, and the sense of disconnection that exists in society. And when you look at it, the more disconnected people are from tenderness, from love, it would appear the higher the rates of suicide are. Thus why they are higher for men, for farmers, for construction workers, for miners, for example. For in these industries there is often a sense of disconnection from one’s true essence in one way or another. Or to put it another way, in these industries, people tend to be less open, and by being less open, they are unlikely to develop a healthy relationship with their own emotional state of being.
You mention being in ‘desperate times’ Samantha. Until we understand and feel the presence and offerings of love like you showed to Toby, we will continue to self destruct! Getting ‘out there’ and engaging with people is the key to reflecting ‘another way’, one that Serge Benhayon ceaselessly shares with anyone who feels the ever present invitation and pull of love and chooses to make it a deliberate way of life.
I read a staggering statistic on suicide in Australia recently, it costs the economy nearly $18billion and there are more deaths from suicide than road traffic accidents and cancer combined. Staggering and shows that although things can look ok on the surface, we really need to start accepting there is a problem and look at the way we treat each other in society, and start to live life with a huge heap more compassion, care and understanding for one another.
Suicide, be it just one person or the current statistics of hundreds of thousands, is totally unacceptable and something we all as a society need to come together to tackle the problem and risk factors that cause someone to feel that taking their life is a viable option.
So much pressure and expectations that are applied to men and women to be other than just as they are, tender, precious and love.
That’s a big stop Samantha – 800,000 people a year choosing to end their own lives and like you say.. where is the awareness of that? So much effort is poured into battling other causes of death, yet it feels like we are ashamed of this one and so keep it quiet and try and sweep it under the table. Meanwhile another year passes and this time its 810,000 more people living in what they feel is an unbearable tension without the necessary support.
This blog reminds me that we can frequently choose to ignore what we notice or read about what is going on around us, especially when we feel the tension of another’s isolation and unhappiness.
Suicide is not simply restricted to one place or type of people – every country, every age range all over the world suffers from suicide. Only together can we deal with this issue
Yes, together is where it’s at, to teach and live in brotherhood will go a long way to heal these hurts that feel as if they come from our sense of separation rather than togetherness…
I was in New Zealand recently and the male suicide rates there are really worryingly high, I wondered how anyone could get so low in such a beautiful country, but it just goes to show it doesn’t matter where we are; if we are unable to express ourselves fully and are not able to live who we truly are, it doesn’t matter where we are.
The statistics don’t lie and show me how I/we close our eyes and do not want to see the disconnection we as a society do live in. Like you say Samantha; ‘No longer can we give up and brush statistics like these aside, as these men are our brothers, fathers, sons. They are our community.’
This is a very needed topic of discussion and self-reflection as it is with each one of us that we can begin to break through the impositions we place on young boys today by expressing what is not of truth and a mere ideal and impositions on the innately tender nature of all men.
As you have pointed out Samantha, suicide is a devastating consequence of the way some men cope with life in our modern society; the facts are chilling. It certainly is time for us to look at what is truely going on, individually and collectively.
We must stop and address the fact that you are more likely to harm yourself than someone else is to harm you in current society.
Samantha the statistics are astounding and we see every day men denying their feelings because they think they have to be tough, this has only ever lead to self abuse and ill mental health. What can we do about it? Well lots actually, for starters we can bust this false stereotype that to be a man is to show no feeling. Then we can foster the natural tender caring and loving way innate to all of us. When we see someone struggling with life we can talk to them, look in their eyes and really meet them, knowing there is immense love beyond the hurt.
Suicide is essentially a call for help – only with those who do end up committing suicide it is about giving up deeply on life and themselves and in the process they affect everyone around them. Many suicides are really just attempts at taking a life, and so this is a dramatic call for help, but even in such cases, if a person has given up on themselves then there is only so much anyone else can do to help them see this otherwise. The only way we can offer true inspiration to another who is given up, is by committing deeply to life ourselves and showing that indeed it can be done, and not only can it be done, but it can be done with love, with light, with joy and with enormous liberation from what we know to be an incarcerating way of being. It is all about energy after all, so the more we commit and live our lives with more joy and vitality, the less we feed the states that then lead to suicide, depression and giving up on life. Hence it is a global responsibility at all times.
It’s a tough, unyielding world out there for men and the pressure is on to conform to the ideals, the images, the beliefs. Male suicide rates just confirm how skewed these ideals and pictures are and suggest that there is another way for men to express in the world that allows them to show vulnerability, delicateness and tenderness. Even these three words will make some men shudder at the prospect of outing such characteristics – but they are innate, natural and need their own form of expression. I love what you say about our institutions from education to medicine being overdue ‘a fundamental level of deep compassionate care at the very heart of their strategies, policies and procedures’. It would seem we have weighted our stereotypes too far in one direction – and the impact on lives is paying the price.
We have a tendency to focus on the extreme stories in life. Not that there is anything wrong with this per say – we should open our eyes to the extreme rot at the edges of humanity that point to us that something is extremely wrong. However, what we tend to do is use such extremes to desensitise ourselves to life. And as such, rarely do we allow ourselves to backtrack our understanding of what eventually leads to something like suicide, and so we never allow ourselves to get to the simplicity of the root cause of all things. A tree was not always a tree, and once upon a time it was a mere seedling. Now, if you plant a great Oak tree as a seedling in your back yard, you will not consider that it will cause any problems, and over the years it will slowly grow and grow, as will its roots. Suddenly one day you will have blocked drain pipes caused by the roots of the tree, and you will then say that you have a problem. And of course the problem is then seemingly in-surmountingly huge. The problem of suicide in many ways is similar. Looked at on its own, it is a seemingly insurmountable problem, and one of great complexity. Yet, reduce it right back to its core, and essentially it becomes an issue of disconnection. Now, that on its own is not going to assist someone contemplating suicide, I agree, and so we need very much counsellors, psychologists, etc, to assist someone in that predicament. But because we are not in that predicament ourselves does not mean we should not use the opportunity to ponder deeply on the initial cause of such extreme behaviour, for if we did we would start to realise how we all in our own way contribute to many of the extreme problems in the world we so detest.
Bravo Adam, there is definitely a bigger picture here for us to look into with raw honesty, even if it means we “realise how we all in our own way contribute to many of the extreme problems in the world we so detest.” We will never be rid of these things unless we go there with honesty and responsibility.
Thank you, Samantha. What I am allowing myself to feel more in revisiting this blog is the uncomfortable truth that even one suicide in our community means that we are collectively failing. We need to open our eyes to what is truly going on for one another.
The stats shared here on men and suicide is horrific. Today I was in a shop and a few ballads were playing sung by men. In these songs they talked about being sensitive and loving women and being tender. And it made me realise just how confused we all are. We have this expectation of men, through love songs to be emotional and tender and committed, and yet we want the same man to be tough and muscly and powerful. Its like we have a huge list of ideals placed on men when they are none of these. So it goes to show there needs to be a real shift in expectations so we can bring it back to supporting each other with love.
The rising number of suicides taking place are showing us that something is wrong with life as it stands, something is not working. What we all crave is to be loved for who we truly are, women and, All men want to be loved for who they truly are.
‘Is it not time as a society for us to listen to what is really going on?’ This question is so apt. I am often reminded of this blog with some people who I know to be having a difficult time and me not delaying in getting in touch or following up on how they are. It doesn’t take much of my time and I’m not there to save the day just offer a connection. I know for me if I’m on a downer just a simple smile, from a stranger even, has made my day because I’m reconnected to the fact that we are all love.
Well said, Karin. If we feel to connect with someone it is important to follow through on this, as we may not consciously realise how significant the gesture might be for them.
Great food for thought Janet, to follow through on our connections feels so important when put so clearly as you have said here. Often we may have a fleeting connection with someone and don’t think about it again yet for the other it may have just made the difference between one choice and another…
As you say Samantha the figures for suicide in men is particularly high, so in some vital area we are letting men down! We haven’t listened to their needs and they are not articulating them either. Just by opening the conversation here is a great start. There is a great need for us to see the delicateness and sensitivity in males and make that acceptable, starting with our small sons!
The rates of suicide in western society in particular should give us call to stop and consider how we live our lives. But they don’t, and so we seem to accept them as being just part of the way life is.
Gosh Samantha, these statistics are harrowing. And yet here you are, standing up and taking notice, starting the conversation with no fear of what it will bring up because you seem to just know that it needs to be talked about. Which it does, and you have brought this very sad subject out in to the light in such a way that makes me want to explore and to take notice more. You are an inspiration for genuine care.
Samantha, what a beautiful article. We need blogs like these, leading us out of this comfort zone where we think because it doesn’t effect us, it’s not really a problem.
“We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be…” This is true Samantha. Why is it we are so uncomfortable in doing this, when we all feel the effects of the lovelessness and empty systems?
It can be hard to look at a rough edged man, a big burly guy and believe they have a sensitive side, yet time and time again if we make the time to get to know one another then we can see below the layers of protection, the mask that men wear to pretend they are indestructible warriors and we can deeply understand that they are all sensitive beings, even those who act boorishly or bullishly. This all relates to our ability to feel and discern what is really occurring in our societies, how hurt and lost many men feel, the suicide rates don’t lie and are a huge wake up call for us to address what is going on. All it takes is a willingness to relate and to understand one another, and perhaps as men to show our own fragility to allow other men to feel safe to show theirs.
The amount of people who are choosing to suicide nowadays is staggering. Surely we have to stop and ask ourselves what is going on. What is the rot in society that is causing this?. Nothing will change until we look at how we are choosing to live and get deeply honest about the fact that the way we are living is not working.
When the question of how many men have committed suicide in the time this article was read, is really felt. We do have to acknowledge we have got things very wrong and that men have to be encouraged and supported to express from their sensitivity and tenderness.
Sometimes we talk about suicide and say ‘well men need more people to talk to’. And whilst this is true on a certain level, what I have found is that we need to be supported to see that the surface of emotions, hurts and pains is just a false masquerade, and that underneath these things we all struggle with is an accute sensitivity no one until now has dreamed of. Just beacuase it is so far from the bullish blokey image we put out does not mean it is not real and causing us all plenty of difficult inside. Thank you Samantha for opening up your experience and taking the discussion to this deeper level.
Hearing the news of a suicide always comes as a shock…suicide is in itself a statement, a statement that is very confronting for us all to have to sit with – the truth is that there is too much isolation and distancing in our society despite the fact that so many of us live in such close proximity. The distance is the lack of connection with ourselves and those around us. Any suicide is there to remind us of the fact that we need to work on our connections and expression of what is happening on a daily basis. A life lost is a harsh reminder that we as a society are floundering to keep connections. Life is worth too much to allow this, we are all worth so much more!
It is a disturbing reality mentioned here that people withdraw before they suicide. How infrequently must we be looking in each other’s eyes and truly making contact with one another to be in a situation that it takes us by suprise when someone completely withdraws and suicides? And how infrequently are we truly acknowledging and appreciating one another’s essence so that none of us even get to that state?
As I was reading your blog again Samantha, I was wondering why the rates of suicide are so much higher for men. Perhaps there is less acceptance for men to be open, to talk about what is going on in their lives, they are often asked to harden up, tough it up and just swallow whatever may be going on for them and keep moving. Is it possible that we are not supporting men in our society to truly open up, to share about their feelings, their vulnerability and their sensitivity, from what you’ve shared, I would say that this is the case. As a society we are rejecting men for being who they are.
I love the quote by Serge as I remember as a child all that I ever wanted was to be seen for who I was instead of always having to be something and achieve something to be seen.
Truly connecting with someone, as simple and mundane as it might appear, can bring about a complete transformation in someone. We can never underestimate the power of connection and the ripple affect this is having.
At times it may feel easier to shut down and ignore some of the horrifying levels of despair and mental illness that is occurring today and yet the longer we delay in really acknowledging the level of separation and disconnection in community the worse it will become.
“More than 55,000 suicides occur in the European Union each year” Samantha when I hear figures I often glaze over, yet I am quite stunned by the incredible number of suicides. We really need to look and ask, Why is this happening and what is wrong with our society to allow this to occur. Even 1 suicide shows we have a serious problem.
This is a profound and powerful blog. Thank you. I have relationships with men, husbands, sons, family,friends etc and as a woman I want to meet with gentleness, care and support. Why do we as mothers and in society attack our boy children for feeling pain and saying it, having feelings, feeling hurt, being aware of beauty.. etc, why are we encouraging our boys to be hard, tough, and not show hurt….I want a real relationship with the men in my life, where they tell me how they feel. This is the root of it, how we parent our sons, will they feel accepted for who they are…..We do not honour and support men for who they, or rather we offer them a 1 dimensional way of being, a prison of identity and expression. Men and women equally, feel, love and care and we are all born gentle and divine.
I was at a conference on Monday where they were saying there is more funding then ever for Mental Health and championing this. Interesting that this is the case but the suicide rates are on the rise. More money being poured into this area does not necessarily mean the issue is being dealt with in a way that is actually going to make a difference. It is like breast cancer loads of money goes to this very specific cancer and yet breast cancer is on the rise.
Men are naturally gentle, sweet, feeling and tender and it is here that their true power lies, not in the facade of tough and coping. For every man that feels they cannot cope in a world that does not acknowledge, let alone honour, their natural, beautiful sensitivity, the loss is all of ours and we have let us all down.
So many men grow up without a true understanding or relationship with their own sensitivity and so do not know how to reflect this to their sons or other boys or young men. The beauty is that it only take them to be offered this and for them to experience this connection for them to know that they have a choice.
There’s nothing more amazing than a gentle and tender man. Somebody who is truly nurturing and caring. However, in order to have more of these men, we as a society need to allow them to be that.
I was shocked to hear that the highest rate of age specific suicide in Australia last year, and the previous four years, was for Men over 85. I am part of a community initiative helping those who are no longer able to drive to attend medical appointments, or do their shopping etc. The real purpose being to simply connect, to spend some time together and enjoy each others company. It is all to easy to ‘let things go’ as we get older and that is the start of the decline we allow ourselves to become more and more isolated – this can happen at any age. It’s incredibly powerful when we choose to show that we care for each other, even in the simplest of ways.
‘To me this highlights the responsibility we all have for our mental well-being, but also the lack of support and connection we have with each other in society’ – thank you for highlighting this very important truth, Samantha.
The root cause of all illness and disease is separation. Separation to our true selves, the divine spark that lives eternally within. Ironically, this spark can never die, even when our physical form ceases to exist. Nor can it be snuffed out by lack of oxygen, although it can be somewhat stifled momentarily due to the fact that we breathe a breath that is not truly ours. In order to heal this separation we need to address it first within ourselves. When this flame is ignited in full and lighting our every breath we are then in a far better position to be of service to others in helping rekindle that which gives us the true breath of life and thus the warmth of our deep connection with All.
We need to take more responsibility for our day to day choices so it doesn’t get to a point where we are so lost that we suicide
Sadly there are too many “Tobys” in the world who are burying the tenderness that they naturally are and in turn hardening themselves to survive in a world that expects them to be this way. When men bury their innate tenderness and sensitivity they also bury their true expression so when life becomes too hard to deal with they are often unable to clearly share how they are feeling. If they do manage to do so those who are listening often have no idea how to help them in a way that they feel listened to and supported. It is time for society as a whole to begin this urgent conversation so no more “Tobys” get to the point when suicide seems to be the only option.
What kind of world have we created where people want to suicide? Surely the statistics are indicating that how we are living is not supportive of our being and that this is having disastrous consequences. What is the point of putting man on the moon if we cannot simply connect with each other on Planet Earth?
These are shocking statistics Samantha, and when you consider that there are millions more suicide attempts each year on top of what you’ve already mentioned we can’t but ask the question, ‘WHY?’ There is no other species on the planet that takes their own life to anywhere near this degree, and each of these cases really questions our claim to be a ‘superiorly intelligent’ race.
Suicides really must be more high profile especially in relation to men. We really need to address what is going on in society that people are so down they give up altogether. My GP friend suicided over 12 years ago now and it was a shock to us all as he was so vibrant and enthusiastic about life. It is only now I have become more open with myself that I can be more intimate with others and share a connection that once was not there back then. I was taken in by my friend’s vibrancy but in retrospect can see how easy it was for him to keep hidden how low he sometimes got. I see this lack of connection, lack of purpose and support between people in all facets of life. Adult mental health services are cut to the bone and if a person is not forthcoming it is unlikely they’ll get help. What I know is that I need to continue to deepen my relationship with self because this depth I can share with everyone I meet. I know my holding back from myself prevents connection with others that could reflect the truth that we are never without love or support. Accepting the love that we all are a part of reflects this as a reality to others.
I personally know of two people who have committed suicide- a teenage girl who was highly admired and was very intelligent, and an adult woman who had a successful career and left two teenage children, a husband, her elderly mother, friends and family feeling devastated and shocked. – It definitely was a stop moment, to ponder on why it happened and could something have been done to prevent it. It’s something not spoken about in public and you never think it would happen.
“What do men want most?
All men want to be loved for who they truly are.”- Such an important statement to be aware of – as a society are we focusing on the stereotypical role and body shape of how a man should be, instead of seeing and appreciating the natural sensitivity and gentleness that they equally have as woman? Such high rates in suicide may suggest that men do not get met for who they truly are. Starting from birth in many cultures they already have expectations put on them of the role they need to follow, and are treated differently from girls.
The shackles of social expectation are so harmful and in this article we get a glimpse, through one man’s experience, of the devastating effects of the shut down of a man’s natural qualities.
Numbers can appear to be abstract especially in statistics and it is easy to dismiss them, therefore it helps to count every single number as a real person possibly even as people I know or the group of people I am living with like family, friends and work mates, then numbers become very real and relevant in an instant.
It’s a big topic, and itself points to a much larger problem in society – that of the lack of true connection. There is in many ways a tendency to look at people with suicidal tendencies with confusion, as though one cannot understand why they can’t just get on with life like the rest of us without causing such a fuss. We tend to have the same view with drug addicts, or people who sit on the outer edges of society, unable to commit to life like the rest of society. What we don’t do enough is question why there is such wide and deep reaction to life from so many of our “peers”. What such problems should do is make us question our own – is life all it is made out to be? Because if you look deeper, you realise that there is a perverse sort of honesty in one who ends up not being up to cope with life – perverse in the sense that they are at least acknowledging what we all know, but never seem to want to discuss – that life is not truly fulfilling. Yes, we have all learnt to fill up our days, to keep busy, to ignore the sunset and turn the radio up on the way home, and so we have learnt to cope. And yes, our coping mechanisms by comparison are “better”, but that does not make them in any way more true.
“We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be.” and this is where it really hits home. The reason for why we have ended up with Men being raised to be a certain way is all of us who have not stood up and said differently. I remember as a child feeling the tenderness, sensitivity and joy in my body – this didn’t fit with what society said I needed to become. This means I knew society had it wrong. I thought I would change society, change how adults live or raise children but then somehow forgot my promise to myself and became part of the system that hurt me in the first place. As you say we are all responsible.
It is shocking to read the statistics presented here in this blog, and highlights how desperate people’s lives have got. I was reading a BBC article the other day which was questioning why Japan has such a high suicide rate, and stated that in 2015 25,000 people (mostly men) committed suicide, which was averaging 70 people a day, and this is just one country. This alone tells us something is not working with the way we are living today.
It seems the common approach in society to suicide is to pretend it isn’t happening. Yet, the statistics are getting more and more shocking and it is now becoming more and more common for children to take their own lives. It is a topic that makes a lot of us squirm and perhaps that is why we avoid it. But it is happening, it is increasing and as a society we can no longer ignore it. Things will only get worse if we continue to ignore what is in front of us.
There is definitely something wrong with statistics as high as these. It really is time to address the root cause.
A young man recently said to me “You have no idea what it is like to grow up with your every move, mistake, choice, dream, fear, love and worry being watched by the whole world.” There was stuff that I did as a young man that I am still embarrassed about, but that only a very, very few know about. If I had been exposed the way social media now exposes this generation, I can’t imagine what it would have felt like. Being a young man is very challenging for very many reasons – lots of which are discussed in this blog and comments – doing it under the glare of social media and the merciless attack of cyber abusers is proving to be too much for some people.
There was once a time, not that long ago that all you had to do, was to try and avoid the schoolyard bully. The world has exploded outward and inward at the same time with ‘multi-media’ in a very short period. The world is now a small place and the same time the whole world can now see and affect you. The schoolyard bully can now with a few keyboard strokes cause a feeding frenzy and leave you nowhere to hide. I agree with you Samantha, that there is work to be done on the root causes of this plague we have created that is thinning out our youth, at any level is unacceptable!
Suicide is like a dead end and the desperation of the person who committed it is huge. But why is there so much desperation and giving up going on in our society ? In the industrialized countries we claim to have a reasonable social structure which seem to care for those who are financially in difficulties. When this is the case why then suicide. As a society we need to consider if what we live and have established is true or if it is just like a functioning mask, trying to put people into drawers.
It is very interesting to consider that the rates of death due to suicide are not discussed more widely in the media and in society. This is plague proportions and yet we hear very little about it! If it was a bacteria or virus like bird flu or something it would be all over the news, however the rates of people dying due to suicide are just as alarming if not more so.
The initial sharing about ‘Toby’ offered a very personal account of suicide which touched me deeply, in particular the impulse to connect with him the day he chose to take his life, showing how we are connected to each other. Then I noticed my tendency to ‘gloss over’ the statistics on this reading. To truly read how such a harrowing reality is affecting so many people, way more than those taking their life, was perhaps too much to truly take in. So sitting with this observation, without judgement, has allowed me to feel a deep hurt inside about what humanity is choosing and how we tend to want to turn a blind eye even when the statistics are staring us in the face.
The high rates of suicide are a radar showing that there certainly are unaddressed issues amongst humanity. It is a silent pandemic, and one that requires every bit of attention.
It is tragic that the most common cause of death for young men is suicide.. absolutely tragic. This is something here for us all to look at in how we are we boys and men, and whether and why we may treat them differently to young women.
I read a headline in the papers yesterday that there is a suicide every three days in the prisons in England and Wales. This is shocking statistics to know that there are many who cannot cope with prison life enough that they are willing to take their own lives. Many go to prison for minor offences and are confronted with a regime that is harsh and unyielding especially if you are a sensitive young male adult. The bottom line is we are not connecting to each other any more, we are not staying open to other people’s sensitivities, and in this we are asking men to be what they are in truth not. We expect men to be be hard and tough, so they try hard to live up to this image but in truth their natural way of being is no different to women, gentle, delicate and caring.
On a larger scale the choice to suicide results from the pressure to conform and fit in with society, and then perhaps feeling like life is too hard. And for sure we make life very hard for one another at the moment, we have such pressure on ourselves in terms of our gender roles, how we are meant to be in society, what we should be capable of doing and achieving. What we need more of is understanding of each other as unique, respecting one another for our qualities and not holding up a picture of how men and women should look or behave. There is too much conformity in our lives and not enough space to be as we were born to be, unique, equal and deeply loving and accepting of one another.
An article that really hits home. It is absolutely baffling that we are not made more aware of these statistics. Why on earth is it such a taboo subject. It’s like, we’re quite happy to talk about how drugs and alcohol affect peoples lives…without even really considering the very fact that people are going to continue to substance abuse, because the reality is – society encourages substance abuse. yep, I said that. And we ‘think’ we are doing well because we are campaigning around ‘responsible drinking’, and ‘say no to drugs’. But we are saying one thing and doing another.
We then make up some rubbish that if we shouldn’t talk about suicide, because we don’t want to put ideas into people’s heads. HELLO!! clearly the idea is already there if it is THE BIGGEST killer of men. I mean, what is seriously going on. Is it possible that if we talked about it a little more openly, then it would allow others to speak freely about why it might be something they would or have considered…and would that not be a healing in itself?
We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be. So true Samantha. And we need to see life in a way that we all have a responsibility to open our awareness, our hearts, and our life to others.And that this not a duty, but a beautiful opening to brotherhood that we all gain and grow from.
Your words remind me Samantha how we have a tendency to look around at people in life and say to ourselves ‘its going to be ok’, to think that life will always be this way, that they won’t change or die or go anywhere. Sure we all have our ups and downs but that won’t disturb the way things are – right? Wrong. These rose-tinted glasses stop us from seeing and feeling just how fragile life can be. It seems to me we avoid this because we haven’t wanted to see how delicate and tender we all are, and the level of care and responsibility we have to live with every day.
I have known a few people who knew someone who had taken their own life and they had no idea that they had a problem. Seems that many people who chose suicide as a means to take their own life keep their problems to themselves which is why it is such a shock then it happens. If this is the case then how can we prevent the escalating rise in suicide rates? I suppose one answer would be to start to truly connect to people on a deeper level, and not ignore seemingly little signs along the way that something may not be right by talking about issues and problems when they arise and not burying them further or hoping they will go away.
What drives a person to take their own life? Despair, isolation, financial struggle, hopelessness, fear, depression, anger at the world? Maybe it is time to stop and listen to what is truly going on instead of brushing it under the carpet because we don’t know how to cope with it and hope it will go away.
Samantha I absolutely agree with you. The shocking statistics on suicide expose an extreme lack of support for each other within our communities. The statistics are there for all to see yet it seems the uncomfortableness of it all leads us to brush it under the carpet rather than ask the questions why is this happening and what can I do to make change?
The drive in society that leaves so many of us feeling bereft of any purpose, self-worth or value in life. This truly is a tragedy that we can all attend to and change.
Thank you for starting this conversation, Samantha. It feels huge and all of our responsibility, in terms of the conditions we are accepting in our society. You bring it to a stark reality when we consider that everyone who suicides is someone’s brother, sister, child, friend, parent…
Exactly. When you start to do the math of the number of people whose lives are devastated by these suicides, then the statistics become even more horrific.
“As a society, and in truth as a worldwide family, we are all longing for deeper connection with ourselves and those around us, and the simple act of listening without judgment can be such a huge support to someone who is struggling with their mental health.” So true Samantha, it sometimes only takes that time to listen to someone and that could save a life. Its when we bottle things up inside us and not share what we are feeling when things gets worse. Allowing someone to just share openly without any judgements, gives them the space to truly feel whats going on.
A well presented sharing on the statistics and reasons for suicide and the role we can all play and bringing attention to this with our responsibility and care for others.” we are all longing for deeper connection with ourselves and those around us, and the simple act of listening without judgment can be such a huge support to someone who is struggling with their mental health.” Thank you Samantha a much needed sharing for us all to listen and care for others truly by meeting them having met ourselves first .
How can we as a human race ignore such horrific news and not question what is that is going on for men to get to this point of extremity. We are quite happy going along to a sports game and have a ball of a time supporting such events whereby there are pages and pages dedicated to the newspaper. Yet news like this just don’t even get a look in. This to me does not make any sense whatsoever.
This blog reflects the absolute need for all of us to start talking about these things and not just ignore it or leave it for someone else to deal with. We think when these things happen to someone else, it’s not our problem but we have all contributed in some way through how we interact with men according to our ideals, beliefs around how men should be. Every man starts off as a tender, delicate and sweet little boy, that doesn’t go away when they grow up, that’s essentially their true nature but our picture of how they need to be eventually squashes that right out of them.
As a deeply sensitive man I’m experiencing so often how difficult I find it to truly connect from man to man. The answer on ‘How are you?’ is nearly 100% answered with “Good, how are you?”. We’ve protected ourselves to such extend that we’ve forgotten completely that we’re deeply caring and sensitive men. The only way to change these ill patterns and behaviours is by starting expressing. Maybe not the difficult parts, but simply how we feel (!!) about anything we care about. I’m astounded by the depth of men observing and caring for the world if we let them express openly. Let’s start the conversation, let’s start appreciating men for who they are, not (only) for what they do. As the statistics show, this is deeply, deeply needed. Suicide and loneliness, a sense of not belonging go hand in hand. And as far as I’m experiencing, this occurs when I deny myself feeling what is there to be felt. Personally I found it hard to give myself permission to feel what is there to be felt, being able to share it with others is to me incredible supportive. Even though I find it difficult to admit, the listening ear is something I absolutely need. Thank God for all those people who are willing to listen to us.
In truth I have felt overwhelmed by observing the state the world is in, from physical violence, abuse, alcoholism, suicide, aggression (and this is just in the home) to countries at conflict and at war. In my reaction I have withdrawn from life wanting to create a bubble of safety to not feel what is going on. Energetically I now understand this is not possible because we feel everything all of the time…I might be numbing myself to the hurt but I am still feeling it. I am realising more and more, through the teachings of the Way of The Livingness that as everything is energetic, my hiding away and closing myself off does not support others in any way. Where as, (as far fetched as it might initially seem) by being all of me, with a lived openness that can be seen and felt by others, I am truly supporting those like Toby who want to give up on life to see and feel another way.
Is not the disproportionately small percentage of men commenting on why we are choosing to end our lives speaking volumes!
Your ending of your blog with Serge’s quote – ““What do men want most? All men want to be loved for who they truly are.” Serge Benhayon” – is such a beautiful way to leave us with this foremost in our awareness. When we can keep this in our awareness in our daily lives and interactions and start to view men (and women and all of us) from this stance, then I feel something can shift in everyone’s life.
“And whilst we commendably see high-profile campaigns on driving safely, and testicular cancer, suicide – the biggest killer of men under 50 – is not discussed and highlighted as it needs to be. What are we doing as a society to have such high rates of suicide?” Great point Samantha, why are these statistics unseen, perhaps there is a bigger truth that we do not want to face – suicide is a taboo subject – as is depression for many. I remember after the birth of my third child walking into a dinner party, someone asking me how I was and me frankly telling them that I had been feeling depressed, the whole room changed – as if everyone was super uncomfortable with with this level of honesty, I noticed how people clearly blanked me – could this be the same symptom that keeps these facts swept under the carpet?
Thanks for sharing that, Lucinda. So long as there is such stigma around mental health issues, we will be unable to meet the needs of an increasingly large percentage of the population.
We all want to be loved for who we truly are and yet we demand of our ourselves and others to be different. There is something very wrong here.
Why are these figures not in the news? If as a society we keep treating as insignificant such devastating reflection of the way of life we have been choosing, we will never raise our heads above the illusion of a ‘better’ life we have created.
The statistics pose a very sad true story; thank you Samantha for highlighting this issue and the urgent need for change. The conversations need to happen, openly and honestly with understanding and love.
Yes we have to look at all our systems and be honest. They are not based on a deep compassion and care for people. Often people in these systems want to express their love of people but say the system is working against them. I see people being stretched and overwhelmed with the amount of work and a lack of care for the workers is there. But systems are made up of people so when and how can we start living another way based on quality we have with ourselves that we then bring to others? I know there is only me stopping me from this and saying no matter what it is quality before anything else – job security etc.
You’ve laid out very clearly Samantha. The root causes are not being addressed and the initiatives that are in place to address the issue of rising suicide rates amongst young men are paying little more than lip-service – it is only when we stop as a collective society to truly consider why men are taking their lives and why is there such a pain to go to these lengths that these horrendous statistics will start to turn.
Living with three gorgeous men I see how much they are rejected in so many ways constantly from when they are born and growing up, the biggest one is that they are not as precious, tender and sweet as girls, that they should not be sensitive or show how they really feel and definitely no crying allowed. It’s crazy even writing this because it is the absolute opposite of how I know and see boys and men to be. They get hurt deeply by roughness, anger or arguments and we all feel everything. This morning I read of a young man of 13 years old who suicided because he was bullied and attacked so much at school for what others portrayed as being feminine in nature. I’m sure if the children who bullied were interviewed and asked if they really felt or wanted to bully this young man for showing his sensitivity and gentleness, that they would be in a lot of pain and hurt and most likely craving to express these qualities as well.
‘Is it not time as a society for us to listen to what is really going on?’ – A question that should be asked everywhere in our society. What is going on in our homes, our schools, our work places, in relationships, friendships and, most of all, within ourselves, to have such shocking statistics in our so called modern day and age? How disconnected to ourselves and others have we become and how have we as a society allowed it to happen? It is truly time to wake up and see what’s going on right on our doorstep.
Most statistics on physical and mental health show a worsening trend, so it is a very wise question to ask: “Why so?”.
Samantha, as you have mentioned, it is certainly time we explored the root cause of these things, but it seems so many are distracted by a range of other reasons or contributing factors rather than actually looking at the true cause. How many more suicides will we wait for till we make a true change? That is a pertinent Question? What exactly is needed for us to be shaken out of our comfort and actually make some steps towards connecting with self and others? Thank you Samantha for opening up the conversation.
“No longer can we give up and brush statistics like these aside, as these men are our brothers, fathers, sons. They are our community.” This is true Samantha, the stastistics in many areas of life are now shocking and it is time these conversations at least were started to raise the awareness for everyone. Thank you.
Sensitivity and delicacy need to be championed, and we women can change the conversation and let men know how much we love them for who they are.
the statistics are most definitely showing that how we are doing life is not working. yet there has not been a real alternative in recent times until Serge Benhayon and his presentations through Universal Medicine have indeed shown there is another way. and the many articles written here stand as testament to the power we hold within and that we only have to make the steps to connect and bring that forth. Not always an easy choice but the only choice that brings true understanding and true freedom
The sheer number of men who have taken their lives is horrifying to contemplate, and then when you take into consideration the people who loved them, their families and friends and work mates etc and the devastating effect this has on them, it is unfathomable.
Men and boys are equally as sensitive and delicate as women, the more we honour that in ourselves and others the more people feel safe to express these beautiful qualities.
Samantha, this is really important to raise – there is so little discussion about suicide, it feels like it is something that in society we do not want to talk about or address. This is a great question, ‘What are we doing as a society to have such high rates of suicide?’ I have observed that there is so much pressure on boys and men to be a certain way, to not be themselves and to not live in their naturally tender, sweet, sensitive way, but instead to be tough, rough and hard, no wonder we have men not knowing where to turn.
These statistics are my responsibility. Every man I meet is an opportunity to reduce these numbers.
These statistics are horrendous. What is more shocking is that they are not more widely known or publicised.
These statistics are alarming and this blog is a true testament to understanding what is true felt by men.
How important it is for Humanity to accept that ‘Men are just as sensitive as Women’ and do away with our
harmful, stereotypical roles and rules once and for all.
We are living through a crisis of men at the moment. The rises in men committing suicide, sexual assault of women, violence, etc. around the world is being driven, in my opinion, by an increasingly desperate population of men who simply do not know who they are anymore. Or possibly never did, having settled for an image of manhood, which is being exposed for its impotence. Many men are welcoming the exposure and embracing their true selves, but many many others are not sure what to do with themselves anymore, and are choosing to move further and further towards the extremes of human behaviour.
Thanks, Samantha. I had no idea that there were so many more men (76%) taking their lives than women (24%). The ratio definitely indicates an acute societal issue that needs urgent attention. This concerns all of us, as we have collectively turned a blind eye to what is really going on for men nowadays.
Hear hear Samantha, “We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be. How many more men need to die? How many more have committed suicide in the time you have read this blog?” And the willingness to actually feel the heartless, cold and empty systems rather than just accept them, ignore them or think they don’t affect us all on every level, is key to awakening the pull to say “no!”.
“Men are just as sensitive as women. If we keep expecting them to be hard and tough, they will continue to override their delicate nature.“ – This is so true what Serge is presenting here. I know so many men, nearly every one that I have met has this tough persona and won’t show there delicate tender side. I know it is in there and what we as woman have to take responsibility for is that we have expected them to be this and added to this shutting down. We have actually enjoined them by shutting down as well, so as to not truly be who we are also. Both sides not calling each other out to be who we are naturally designed to be.
Accepting people as they are and appreciating them in their deepest essence goes a long way to helping them to appreciate themselves.
Indeed Samantha, what is it that needs to happen before we can turn the tide on the amount of suicides that are occurring, the world over. There is more and more occurring, a lot of those making up the statistics are young men. What is it that is going on that young men don’t feel any other option than to suicide, there is so much more that needs to change here.
It is great to ask ourselves how each of us is contributing to such statistics by our willingness to see each other in stereotypical roles as men and women, accept the status quo which is clearly not serving us, or by remaining silent and in doing so, accepting an ill that has pervaded society and harmed man since old.
This is a shock to read how many young men see suicide as the only option, and as horrible as this is I doubt the families of the deceased ever get over such a thing. With suicide everyone looses.
It seems crazy that we live so far from the true, tender qualities we all innately are. What is the set up that men feel they have to be tough and live up to an ideal that is completely false…and one that goes completely against their and our true nature?
Just yesterday I said to a colleague it is all about building the relationships and then the systems unfold from there, but we have it the other way around thinking systems will hold everything and make everything work without any engagement with the people meant to be using the system! The more I see of the different services the more broken I realise they are and we really do have a crisis on our hands in education, health, social care, local authorities. We have gone for so long disconnected and not putting love and care at the heart of everything that our systems now reflect this back to us. It is not a pretty sight; it is very very cold, cruel and damaging.
Vanessa, I am finding more and more dis-engagement within family systems. It is possible for families, seemly loving on the surface, but with parents dis-connected from their children, no true communication or relationships. Instead I observe parental mindsets which say children will be raised in a particular way because that is how things are done or because this is how we were raised, little regard is given to the child. Children may be given every material possessions, attend the best schools, live so-called ‘good’ lives but are empty inside and dis-connected from themselves. This is also damaging.
Yes, Kehinde, material possessions and the latest trends do nothing to make up for the loss of connection and true intimacy between family members.
Without connection to ourselves or others we drift, we function, we lose purpose and give up on our true sense of ourselves. Practicing the gentle breath meditation as introduced by Serge Benhayon is a supremely simple medicine – that plugs us back in to a source that turns the lights back on from the inside out.
Such connection to ourselves is a needed start.
It is the most natural expression in the whole world to reach out to another, to care and to hold ourselves and others in the Love we are.
I spent a very short time at my local YMCA and there I met some amazingly sweet people, both the staff and volunteers and those they supported. They did amazing work but they couldn’t do enough because of lack of funding and people – there are so many people out there who need our help and that number will only grow.
These statistics are shocking Samantha – i had no idea that suicide in males was so prevalent in this country.
Thank-you for pulling back the curtains on a devastating situation that is rarely discussed so honestly, so comprehensively.
Something I realised the other day: how many times have I been too busy with my own stuff to be humane? To take 5 minutes to chat with someone. And when I type this I can feel the truth that in fact it is the connection that is called for an opportunity to listen and then if it feels supportive sure chat but the purpose is to be present for another. Imagine if we start this with little children what the flow-on effect might be in their lives?
So lost, so very very lost, we are to have so many feel like suicide is the only real option for them. It’s a timely and important conversation to have in a sustained and real way
Just today I was reading an article about a woman who has lost her father, brother and partner to suicide. She summed it up pretty well – men are not nurtured to share their feelings and express their sensitivity, there is a ‘suck it up’ attitude men are expected to live with.
Some one I know aged 95 has suffered from depression most of his life, some stemmed from the impact of injuries sustained as a young man in the Second World War, others from childhood experiences. Physical injuries attended to, but not psychological, he was left to make sense on his own of his inner world. Consequently this person lived much of his life disconnected, as if he was not here, deep bouts of depression, alternating with anger and often had suicidal thoughts, He was never supported to deal with his inner anguish, just given medication. Consequently he has lived with his condition, largely unaware and without healing into old age. Today, more support is offered to service men and women experiencing post traumatic stress injuries. This example exposes yet again that as a society we are less willing to face and support those with mental ill-health conditions.
I love your point that it is the sensitivity in men that we are not allowing as a society that is leading to so much depression and suicide. This is fundamental in the way that we see and treat men. What a difference it would make if men’s true nature was honoured and nurtured. I’m sure many men would breathe a huge sigh of relief and revel in being able to drop the tough exterior.
Rage is just anger that we hold on to! This is like drinking poison and hoping they die? Why do we do this? And as you have shown Samantha that men mastered this and think they have found a solution. The only flaw in the process is, they just get back in the same position in the line when they come back. Your end quote by Serge expresses the root and cure to this subject.
The compassion with which you discuss Toby and the issue of suicide is a great marker of how we all need to approach each other, with care and open understanding. The work done by social workers, mental health professionals, volunteers and all others who do amazing and tireless work to support the growing number of people in society who are struggling
Samantha it is devastating reading what you share and those statistics that are so very real. We have created a world where we are so cocooned in our own bubble that we don’t stop to reflect out and see what is going on and support others when it is needed. Imagine all the lives that would be still going strong if we actually took the time to connect with our neighbours, colleagues and even our own family.
Men are indeed as sensitive as Women – as society we have created and accepted a lie that men need to toughen up, be hard, be a provider, remain silent and carry the world on their shoulders. It is little wonder that we are left with the result that we have from centuries of pressure and disharmony with a man’s true nature and calling.
It becomes key to allow a man to be, to express his true nature from young and to encourage this in both our children and elders – to finally do away with the role-playing and unobtainable ideals that are contrary to our truth.
We need to look at why we work to bring other topics into the open but we leave this huge and ever growing epidemic of self murder and all the suffering leading up to and then caused by suicide, in the dark. Is there a self responsibility we are avoiding here?…
We must allow intimacy with each other now, like today, at the grocery store, at work on the bus… because we all want to be met, witnessed and appreciated for who we are, for the special light only we can bring to others.
I feel it is only without this connection that we can have such a devastating loss of purpose that we would annihilate ourselves…
…and with this understanding it is every persons responsibility to stop hiding and protecting who they are; to open up, be real, get honest and vulnerable every day so others feel permission to come out of painful isolation and do the same; connect.
I can feel that it is my & our most ultimate responsibility, to be open and fully loving in the world and that all the many years I have hidden myself away have been torturous because I could feel the harm it was doing me and every one else.
There is so much suffering in this world we have created. No more procrastination. No more adding to the hell. Time to contribute to the coming home, time to know we are contributing on the side of Love. Time to remember how to open up and be love with our selves and each other.
I love the beauty of your way of connecting to people, Samantha, regardless of what they do, think or suffer from. Your deep care for yourself is reflected in your care for people with such ease and joy.
It is a very touching point, that men are as sensitive as women. We as men can start to change this picture by living as sensitive men in the world. We can not wait until somebody out there starts to appreciate us in our sensitive way. I claim it first for myself.
If we don’t want to brush these statistics away, we can start with not brushing our own worth away. How often does the dismissiveness start with our own beauty?
There are many beliefs and ideals that we attach to the roles that men and women do in life. However in truth they only create a tension or pressure if they mean that we over-ride our inner essence. If feels like suicide unfortunately is the ultimate outcome when we cannot maintain unrealistic expectations and a way of being that is not our natural way.
True connection with ourselves and with others is essential to our very being and essence and living without this is a very sad way to be. The way our society today is going with suicide rates increasing rapidly it is time to express and really see what is going on and make a difference each of us simply by our connection and feeling with ourselves and hence everyone and an understanding of the responsibility we hold with this.
Having had two daughters myself, I have recently spent time with a young boy, and was touched by how deeply sensitive he is. I don’t know why I would have expected anything different, but it is interesting to note that it was a surprise to me at how exquisitely tender this boy was, and it felt super important to confirm him in that.
“Men are just as sensitive as women. If we keep expecting them to be hard and tough, they will continue to override their delicate nature.“ This quote is so important to acknowledge in our society today.
As a young woman I knew someone who committed suicide. At the time it was incomprehensible. They had a ‘nice’ house, were financially secure, had a family, worked in the local town and on the outside all appeared to be ‘good’ in what we are meant to achieve in life however what this shows is how there must have been such a desperation in them that it seemed like there was no other way. It seems like we have to question and look at how life is set up that we are driven to such extreme behaviours and also how we all have a responsibility to stay aware of ourselves as well as everyone around us
Suicide or the fear for someone who might be committing it is devastating to many in our society. Every suicide I can say is a failure of our society to treasure the true beauty every person is and to allow all the unique beautiful delicate and tender people a place where they are loved and taken care of. The way our systems are currently built is created from a picture, a picture that dictates how someone should be and look like and how you have to behave to become a valuable member of our society. But as the figures in this blog shows us so clearly, this system does not work and in truth has never worked and now it is time to acknowledge this and start the conversation on how we can change this and make our societies a place where everybody is honoured and valued for the uniqueness they bring.
You only have to spend time with little boys as babies and toddlers to know that their nature is not to become hard and protective, and that they are highly sensitive. So it cannot come as a surprise to anyone when we have a high suicide rate.
It is totally unacceptable that these statistics are not talked about when so many die unnecessarily. We as men need to stop competing with each other and understand that we are just as sensitive as women.
Suicide is not an isolated issue – it is worldwide and no one is left unaffected either directly or indirectly
If this doesn’t make us stop to truly ask ourselves what is going on in the world what will? “Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease.” (1).
As a teen growing up in a small country town that had the highest suicide rate in the state at that time, has been the harsh reality of how we as a society have not addressed this so called taboo subject. When topic of conversations would turn to ‘I wonder who’s next’ instead of ‘how and what we can do to support’, showed me 25 years ago that theire was something seriously wrong in the way we address or not address suicide. Let’s cut to the chase raw and uncut on the table and begin a new way forward.
“All men want to be loved for who they truly are.” It’s every single persons responsibility in the world to ensure that everyone experiences love in their lives and no one is left to deal with life alone. Stories like this show how vital we are to the well-being of each other, and just how big the responsibility we have to one another is.
Samantha I was thinking about this recently, what can we do? Well we have to clearly start afresh, we have to see that the way men are raised to be strong, don’t cry and take on the burdens of the world is not what being a man is and that allowing the tender touch to be in everything we do and building that connection with ourselves is the only way we can start to reverse the path we are heading in.
I usually find that I get a pick-me-up first that then same food could drop me like a hot potato and I would feel very tired.
As I was driving in the city today I was at the traffic lights waiting and next to me was a car with young men in it listening and singing along to rap songs that were pumping and intense to hear. The young men seemed exuberant but when I let myself really really look I saw young boys who were trying to belong, who were lost and also angry, angry with a world that has never met them in truth.
The world is bewildered as to the huge number of men who take their lives, but that is because the world at large is not choosing to stop and allows itself to see, truly see, that is to read the devastation that so many men are in.
Of all the thousands who suicide each year, there are all those family, friends and colleagues who are also affected by each suicide… so thousands upon thousands affected and yet suicide is not the front page news it needs to be, it doesnt get the funding/research warranted – why is this? Why do we allow these statistics to just pass us by?
It is so important to get ourselves, and the things we ‘have to do,’ out of the way when we have those impulses to do something. Invariably its not about us but the other person (although we may learn something as well). Like you Samantha, I’ve had impulses in the past to see someone, say something to someone, to go a different way… and they have always been for a very particular reason – one that I would never ever have conceived of. Its trusting those impulses, and also trusting that whatever it is we perceive we ‘have to do’ will get taken care of along the way too… as it invariably does – unless I find I don’t need to do it at all!
It’s true that we are a ‘worldwide family’, so this issue is there to be addressed by everyone and not just those who have specifically witnessed or experienced it within their families or close groups, although more and more people are sadly seeing this first hand any way.
It’s super interesting that this is a problem much more prevalent with men, supposedly the ‘stronger sex’ – it becomes so clear that our perception of what it is to be a man and the expectation that we place on them from children upwards are so off track.
We can all make a difference by first of all starting to truly care and not pretend this is not happening. We need to be willing to connect, to see each other and by that support everyone we meet to feel that they are indeed valuable.
All the so called systems we have need to be turned on their head, a huge percentage of people behind bars have mental health problems, a lot of whom aren’t criminals but just can’t cope with things on the outside. The thing is mental health problems can strike anyone at anytime. We do need to create a society where people feel a lot freer to express how they feel, especially men and hopefully these suicide stats will start to come down.
Thank you Samantha for highlighting this issue; the statistics are alarming and shocking. It is obvious that the way we are living is not working for us all, in particular our men. As you say these are our sons, fathers, brothers and friends; they are our community and we must all work to find another way of living.
When I read this I’m shown how important to listen and act on what I feel- so to reach out and say hi, to make that phone call and not delay, to look up when I’m passing someone in the street. People all make choices but I know I can offer a connection. I know it’s made my day that someone’s given me a heart felt smile as they’ve passed by and I was feeling a little flat.
There is a great deal of research in to the psychology of people who would like to suicide, and there are a great many people working in the field of psychology who are very astute to the signs and will act for safeguarding as soon as an issue is highlighted. We are very fortunate to have that, and that this is standard procedure. However, in my experience with people who have successfully chosen to take their own life, the signs are usually so well hidden, that when the act is finally carried out every one is shocked. This goes to show me how we can deceive the world with our movements, and keep our thoughts hidden. So the art of psychology itself perhaps needs to evolve, to accommodate a deeper understanding of the human condition so that movement is seen and detected for the actual outcomes and consequences it is leading that person towards, and thus help can be given at the times when it is needed the most.
While suicide will never be the answer to anyone’s problems it exposes the depth of disconnection that people are experiencing and not knowing how to cope with. When even the coping mechanisms no longer work we as a society need to start looking at the bigger picture of our purpose here and what is really going on.
It doesn’t make sense that we have more psychologists and mental health services than ever before but suicide rates are still high and rising. What an important sector to have people working in as these incidents are just devastating.
‘Is it not time as a society for us to listen to what is really going on?’… yes indeed Samantha, and to make life about all of us, and not just about ourselves. Expression is everything and if we hold back talking to each other and keeping ourselves in isolation, then this is when problems arise, we cannot afford to withdraw from life or keep ourselves to ourselves, so why not begin to ask questions and start to talk to and listen to those of us who may be lonely or depressed and not continue to be complacent about the high levels of suicide in the world today.
What I realise today is that what we expect of men as a society is the exact opposite of who they truly are. All men are deeply sensitive and extremely caring and at present there is nothing in our main stream societies that support men to express their immense sensitivty. How extremely saddening it is that so many men take their own lives, it is a very sad and shocking indictment on our so called civilised societies.
Do we have a picture of what is normal and at time refuse to see the reality of the world and the people in it? When we hear of someone we knew that had taken their life, and are we not shocked! Why did we not see it coming? Did we override what we felt and just look at our photo of what we wished to believe was true? By expressing what we feel with just a few words like ‘you are not broken’ could be the reflection they needed and the hand in the darkness they need.
What do we do from here Samantha? This is a great blog and a real eye opener. From what you are saying we need to take action as well or also as you say it will become worse. Why are we so comfortable in this knowledge? I see many agencies doing things around suicide but most are dealing with the end part and maybe not the root course or the start. It is becoming more and more obvious that the way we are dealing with men doesn’t support them. The men themselves are also caught in a cycle that leads to these numbers or figures. There needs to be action as we’ve said but the action needs to address what is truly going on and not just jump in the cycle and try and make it better.
A man recently cried in my presence and then promptly apologised for doing so and apologised for being sensitive. I promptly told him that it was lovely to see his sensitive side and that the world needs more men to show us their sensitive side. It is an absolute crime to this world that men have been asked to hide their tender and sensitive side.
Your words make me wonder Samantha, just where are we as a world? For you talk about the problems men have, but I see this equally with women as well. We say they are sensitive and delicate, but is this actually how they live? Or have we all bought into a way of life that celebrates drive, hardness, toughness and ‘being right’? For how many of us, truly share with an open heart everything we feel? How many of us are willing to be vulnerable and let our inner workings be revealed? And if we are not then just what an impact is this having on our health? Whilst we may remain after those like Toby go away, isn’t the way we choose to currently live also like a suicide? Just a slow and seemingly invisible one?
How crazy is it that most men won’t go and see the doctor, in many cases not until it is too late, because they don’t want to be seen as weak and helpless. How can we as a society allow this to continue – we do indeed need to call out what is going on for men.
I have literarily Just had a conversation with a young man who shared that three of his friends have committed suicide, two around their late to mid thirties, a month apart. This is scary, and brings the reality in of we need to talk. Suicide starts way before the taking of someone’s life, it can start as far back as school for whatever reason, bullying, not being woken to, ignore, not expressing our hurts, but there is way more there before the end result. I recall seeing a young boy years ago at school who used to walk with his head down and not look at or talk to people, all it took was to say hello to him and how are you every time in passing for this young man to change, to start to walk around the school with his head high, talk and share things about what he was doing. This is the simple but yet hugely profound changes we can all make to people’s lives. All it takes is for people to acknowledge each other and not ignore people. We don’t realise yet, what a huge impact this has on people’s lives seen and unseen and can last with them for lifetimes, even if we don’t ever see them again.
“the simple act of listening without judgment can be such a huge support to someone” This can be for anyone whether they have mental health issues or not. To be listened to without judgement is one of the most loving and supportive things in this world. It allows you the space to express how you feel, not feel you are wrong, or there is something wrong with you, and it’s in this talking and sharing that you get to feel yourself. I know for me when I don’t say how I feel it affects my body. It gives rise to anxiety, and stress and makes me feel not myself. I know the relief I have felt, and this may not be the right word when someone has honestly shared whats going on for them, it’s like it opens a door for everyone else to express how they are feeling and not having to walk around behind a wall of protection saying I’m fine.
You’ve nailed it in your blog Samantha, talk to people.
Samantha, you have raised here an urgent topic. Often people do not tell in what kind of agony and desperation they live in. It’s a topic we need to get more aware in society and look at our ways how we treat each other and what we allow for ourselves to be treated.
That root cause is all encompassing and must be investigated long before a man, or woman gets to a point where they can see no other way than to end their life.
The facts on suicide in men are shocking, and perhaps more shocking is that as a society we aren’t really responding to this horrific situation with action. Time for all of us to engage is asking what is really going on, and support men everywhere to be who they are.
‘We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be. ‘ Well said Samantha. We can never underestimate how powerful we are when we do claim our personal responsibility and how each choice we make absolutely counts.
I very much concur with the words of Serge Benhayon, that there is a link between a hard and tough image that men try to live up to and denying the delicate nature they have. In that delicate nature is such a strength, to be able to appreciate so much about life with sensitivity and knowing themselves by holding themselves with care and tenderness as they would hold a delicate little baby. It is ironic that the hard and tough image is a reaction to seeing such delicateness as weak.
Giving up on life exists on so many levels. Suicide would be considered the extreme, but well before it gets to this stage there has been a giving up in so many other areas. Here we see how we can settle for just getting through the day and so on. The moment we settle for less than love we are effectively giving up and saying we don’t deserve it.
This is so true Vicky, it is the gradual slip sliding scale of what we call well-being – the benchmark has silently shifted, so at a time when we say we are well – we are actually saying we are disease free.
Giving up is evident in so many areas in life at many different levels. Working in the education system I see giving-upness in teachers and students everyday. We should not be walking out of something that is meant to be supportive with our heads dropped down.
In a way I could say I am happy these things are happening as I would not like this society we live in today with all the pressures, expectations, where stress is normal and connection not our first and foremost purpose, to be healthy and not causing issues as that would not ask for a change, a change that is very needed. I am not happy that people suicide of course but just saying that I feel the world we live is not our natural way.
Though a man is in a bigger body he is not different in essence from the little boy that he was in his exquisite tenderness and sensitivity. Our society does its best to discourage this because of our ideal that men have to be tough, be the providers and fight for survival in a competitive world. Yet once a man reconnects to his sensitivity and allow his tenderness to express there is a strength in that which has a resilience to it and it is not fixed or hard. By being more connected to his true nature a man would not feel so isolated or feel so much pressure to perform and therefore would be less likely to entertain any thoughts of suicide
Suicide is a product of our loveless way of being where we see ourselves as individuals in isolation to humanity. We are all responsible for this and everytime we shut off from someone or from our own feelings we are contributing to the statistics. On the other hand, by staying connected to ourselves and being open and available to connect with others in any moment we can inspire others with a new way of being together which is not lonely, isolated or individualized.
‘And whilst we commendably see high-profile campaigns on driving safely, and testicular cancer, suicide – the biggest killer of men under 50 – is not discussed and highlighted as it needs to be.’ So why is suicide such a hush hush subject? Samantha your blog is such a great place to start for us all to open up the conversation.
The statistics that you share on suicide are very sobering, they show us the state of the world and the devastating situations many men find themselves in. I’ve heard these sort of figures for many years and they seem to get worse. We need to consider what we can do as the current way of Men needing to be hard, protectors is clearly a contributing factor. As you say we need to talk more on this.
There is no denying that something is seriously wrong with suicide statistics so high. I also wonder how much of an overwhelm comes from traumatic jobs such as the armed forces, ambulance, police and medical staff?
“How many more have committed suicide in the time you have read this blog?” now that is something to think about. We get so caught up in our own issues and the most ridiculous stuff, that we miss people, as in forget, choose to not see, what’s really going on all around us, under our very own noses, in our own homes, families, across the globe, and the bigger picture of why we are here, it’s not about us, and what clothes will I wear today or what shall I eat, yes these are basic fundamental things, but really not something to be thinking about all day, when people are crying out to be met. There is so much support people are calling for. The question is what are we doing about it? Are we leaving it up to someone else, or are we listening and doing what’s needed?
We don’t realise the huge effect and impact talking to people has on them? It doesn’t have to be a big conversation, or trying to solve anything, a simple sincere hello can change everything. People can feel the care and love in your words, you don’t need to tell them. I was speaking to a man once, whom I knew his wife had died years ago, I knew he was lonely and sad, so I simply asked him, ‘how are you doing without ….’ His reply was along the lines of thank you, you know no one ever asks me that, not even my neighbour whom we’ve lived beside for years, it’s lovely to feel you care, she would be pleased that you asked me that, alongside sharing how he was personally getting on.
The collective high rates of suicide in men are surely a big loud and very desperate cry for help from all men in our societies. The truth is many men are struggling, even if they pretend they are not.
These statistics reflect just how much recoil from life, from others and private agony that many people live with. It also reveals just how vital a true steady connection between people is as it could just be in a passing comment, that could be the life line that makes all the difference to a person to stop going through with a suicide.
It is great tragedy when men and women cannot be themselves in society. We have the responsibility to know who we are and express as honestly as possible our true self, not taking this responsibility is the root cause of all issues in our health as well as the problems in the world. But how are we to know what being our true self is in a world where disconnection is made so normal and self is regarded to be separate from others? It makes sense to start from love. When we begin to care for and love ourselves in the simpliest and most mundane of things, this love and care will be expressed naturally to each other. And yet, trying to make it happen—trying to be nice and caring when we do not give this back to ourselves, never truly works.
I have been pondering on suicide and the vast ripple effect it has. There was a suicide in our community recently of a teenage boy. This caused a shock wave through the whole school, the kids and teachers, let alone his immediate family. I feel it makes us stop and realise just how bad it must be and how wrong we have gotten life.
Indeed Fiona, it is a stop moment – as it should be.
I did some research into men’s health this year and discovered that these issues have been going on for some time. It is worse for men living in rural and remote areas, as the need to conform to the stereotypical man and resulting pressure/tension this creates is huge. Sadly a big part of this stereotype is that you are strong and tough and therefore seeking help is admitting you are not a man. It feels so important for the change in men to come from men, to start supporting each other to express just how sensitive they are.
I attended a mental health first aid course recently and it was great. I highly recommend it to everyone as what I discovered that so many of our society are suffering from one form of mental health or another, be it anxiety, depression, eating disorders or some of the more severe forms which unfortunately are becoming more and more common like self harming. With more understanding of it all, we can bring more understanding to each other and therefore less judgment and more love.
Men are telling us in droves that the way they are expected to be in society is not working. Suicide is literally an epidemic worldwide but the press give it no cover..It really should be front and full page news so we can bring it out into the open and start addressing the root of the problem.
Opening up this conversation and discussing the root cause behind the high number of suicides amongst men is a starting point to change. If we continue to bumble along and turn a blind eye to what is going on out there in the world nothing changes and we see the same patterns play out over and over again. Men are as deeply sensitive as women, yet too often they are not able to express from their sensitivity, they are conditioned to ‘man up’. This is an ill energy that goes completely against their innate tenderness, bringing a hardening to their bodies and desensitizing them. Every man deserves to be truly met in his sensitivity, in his tenderness. If we honoured this in every interaction we had with every man then perhaps we would see a change in the rates of suicide.
This is such an important topic, Samantha. Thank you for highlighting it.
The statistics for suicide and many other devastating issues facing individuals are extraordinarily high and increasing daily. It is crucial to keep remembering that every single figure is a living breathing person like Toby. Not only that they are brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, parents, friends colleagues to many many others. If we take a moment to truly look and feel, what this is reflecting about the impact of the way we are living is colossal.
It is well and truly time to talk honestly about men and their health. They are staggering statistics which, if transferred to any other illness, behaviour or disease in the world would, as has been said, be front page news.
Powerful blog Samantha cutting to the very root of the issue – suicide is showing us there is something seriously not working in our society – worldwide, when men are killing themselves and it’s increasing in numbers, in lives. Men are very sensitive and i’ve seen men i’ve known since young boys, harden up and shut away from their sensitivity because that’s not being a man, well if that’s not being a man, what is? Being tough? That’s not working because its not true.
As you have said Samantha, its about connection, connection to ourselves and others, and the only way to be connected is through our sensitivity and the idea of what a man should be needs to be thrown out because it’s killing our men, killing their ability to be who they really are, not what they should be for anyone. It can be very lonely to have to be something we are not.
Yes, when you know someone as a sweet and tender child and watch them grow up to be a ‘tough guy’, you cannot help but feel how much the world is truly missing out.
I recently viewed a documentary called ‘Man Up’ which explored the way men are raised to not share their feelings and expose their sensitivity, and showed some great initiatives in place that are starting to break this taboo. If we allow our young boys to express their sensitivity and tenderness as the norm, and not see it as ‘unmanly’, the trend to self harm and suicide would surely decline, because all we ever want is be seen and accepted for who we are.
“people feel heard”this is one of the most important things. We so often speak to people and don’t really listen. I know when I feel off or am struggling I just need to talk, not to be told what to do, but for someone to listen – this means the world to me. I know the answers myself, but talking really really helps.
For me this blog highlights the most important thing in life – people, all the time, not our issues. To never be too busy to call, stop or care. Far too often we let our own issues, worries, needs and hurts get in the way, reacting and being abusive to one another – we miss the bigger picture and much we really do care and love other people. It’s crazy – why wait till something so called awful happens to realise this, why don’t we live everyday truly loving and deeply caring for one another. We might think we do, but do we really? So what if someone took your parking space, or someone at work spoke to you the wrong way, yes this is not okay, ( the being spoken to one- there’s plenty of other car parking spaces) But who knows whats going on for them, what’s happening in their lives, do we take the time to stop and understand or do we just condone them?
‘We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be.’ Great call to action Samantha and the more that we start to take responsibility for having conversations that challenge the status quo the more that men will start to feel more comfortable with expressing their true selves and humanity will benefit immeasurably from that.
‘Over 800,000 people die due to suicide every year and there are many more who attempt suicide’ – 800,000 is an astonishing and shocking amount of deaths due to suicide, and speaks volumes of what is going on with us as a humanity. We as a humanity are failing our young boys and doing them a great dis-service in expecting them to harden and suppress their feelings to such an extend that they feel this desperate.
These statistics show the suicide rates but there are also an enormous amount of people who take themselves out using hard drugs -also highly sensitive individuals.
Thank you for bringing this subject up for discussion Samantha, I had no idea the statistics were that bad, ‘Over 800,000 people die due to suicide every year and there are many more who attempt suicide’, clearly something about how most are living is not working.
I have always liked to look at the obvious things that are overlooked, and questions need to be asked. It is interesting that at the time, I wrote this there were 271 comments, and 40 were men and most were the same names with multiple comments. Call it 20 men, that is only 7%! Is this a reflection of how we ignore and refuse to look at the real reasons we are culling ourselves?
I agree Steve it just does not add up. The correct questions need to be asked to find out why such a so-called advanced society has an outrageous suicide rate. If cattle were dying at this rate, the world would be up in arms.
It is true Samantha we are in desperate times, we have drifted so far away from what life is truly about. We have made it about technology, about success, about money, about security entertainment and comfort, instead of its true purpose, which is to bring people together in brotherhood and unity. The latest smart phone TV or computer will not stop suicide, connecting with each other in a loving and caring way does. What is happening to this world where the only answer for many especially men, is suicide, this to me shows how far we have lost our way.
Thank you Samantha for taking the time to share this blog with us all and bringing awareness of the suicide statistics highlighting how desperate people are and that we all have a part to play in this if things are to change in how we are with ourselves and each other.
The statistics you’ve shared here Samantha – particularly for the prevalence of suicide in men – are deeply sobering. We have the same situation in Australia… and yet, the issue struggles to garner true public support and conversation.
So much is raised by this – from the full-on intensity of the way men are pressured to ‘man up’ and bury or hide their feelings, to our own ability to recognise when someone isn’t doing so well (and respond…), to the way our systems provide (or don’t) support for all members of our society.
We clearly have a long way to go in addressing this issue – an issue that is screaming to be addressed. By its very nature it asks everyone to go deeper in our expectations and attitudes towards men, and towards each other full stop. Conversations are needed – at the personal, community and global level, ongoingly and for the long term.
A deeply needed call Samantha. Thank-you for writing this. I can’t help but feel the power in the words of Serge Benhayon that you’ve quoted here – that sum up beautifully every word of this article: “All men want to be loved for who they truly are.”
Our love and true care of one another is the bottom line here isn’t it… How lost we can become to this, in the busyness of today’s world, in ensuring our own nest is looked after, when so many live devoid of the love and care they truly deserve?
Men are so naturally sensitive and delicate. As children I see this so clearly in the classroom where young boys are naturally open and sweet. It is sad to see that many by the age of 7 begin to shut this down as they conform to an expected way of being that doesn’t allow for their tenderness to shine through. Yes, “We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be.”
We are all responsible for the lovelessness in our world Samantha because we have not chosen love as the foundation and guide to our lives! We equate love to attention, emotion, material gifts, words uttered etc., however love in none of these things. It is a beholding of what is, an energetic stillness that in action offers another to connect with that quality within themselves. Toby and many of us, have not for a long time, experienced this beholding love within – a love in which suicide would be impossible.
We can feel that issues like suicide are out of our control or too big to tackle, but it begins with each of us and how we relate to those around us, never underestimating the power that connecting and reaching out to others can have.
This is definitely a subject that is not spoken about often enough. Whilst I understand that this may be a sensitive subject for some the real reason for most is that we do not want to expose our own way of living as being part of the wider problem in society which contributes to such things as this – a greater call to responsibility surely is not needed.
This is very true Samantha ‘ We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be. ‘ We can take the opportunity to change this in our daily interactions. Every one is super important.
Suicide is an outward sign of the absolute agony and despair that so many of us hold inside.
Each and every time that I have heard of someone committing suicide, it has come as a shock. And then comes the questioning – could there have been something I could have done or said that would or could have made a difference in their world so they would have made a different choice? On some level we are all responsible for these things – yes the choice to suicide is that person’s but as a society it is a harsh reminder for us to look at how we are all living – are we connected? Are we reaching out to others, do we talk about the things that are actually going on for us? It is for us to begin breaking down these walls we have built all around us and this is perhaps how true change can start happening.
The fact that men are super sensitive is so obvious, it is ridiculous to think otherwise and in my experience most men are very willing to let down their protection when they feel met without any judgement or expectation but just left to be as they are and held with a loving, accepting presence. It just takes a bit for them to be sure that they can trust, but then the ice begins to melt simply because they are waiting to finally feel safe to be and not pretend.
” As a society, and in truth as a worldwide family, we are all longing for deeper connection with ourselves and those around us, and the simple act of listening without judgment can be such a huge support to someone who is struggling with their mental health.” – I would like to add that the simple act of listening without judgement can support us all, regardless if we have a mental health issue or not and any one can suicide, they don’t need to have a label such as mental health first.
Hear hear Rosie. Well said.
These statistics are astounding, a massive stop moment to ask what is happening and where are we going to wrong. The many beliefs we have been brought up to believe around what a man is puts a huge amount of pressure on men, leaving no space for them to express their true sensitivity. I can only imagine the prison cell many men feel they are trapped in because of this.
These figures reflect a true lack of connection between people.
Whilst we need to open up the conversation and bring awareness to this issue we need also look at what supports we have in society – be they truly supportive and addressing the whole? and are we deeply connecting with each other and reaching out. community is about all of us.
Come on when things are like this, “Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease.” (1)” why are we and the Government spending such a fortune on road accidents and virtually leaving suicide to external agencies to cope with. I watch the long weekends have advertising around the road toll and have comparisons from year to year. I see very little in the media about the true state of our suicide rates or how they effect us all. It’s the “biggest killer of men between 20 and 49” that’s alarming and well worth a study into what is going on. How are all these linked, you know how the road toll, also they give you a break down when accidents are more likely to occur. I don’t see us as up front with suicide, it’s like we leave it to lay hidden and therefore it just keeps increasing. It’s great to have blogs around it like this one to keep printing these statistics so one day we all may wake to what is going on in our communities. Could this be the missing part from Serge Benhayon, “Men are just as sensitive as women. If we keep expecting them to be hard and tough, they will continue to override their delicate nature.“ Serge Benhayon (5)” Are we growing men up in all the wrong ways from this age group there would be a link to how we are raising young men to become men that is a key.
This is such a sad tale Samantha. I just love your caring nature and the way you reach out to people in such a genuine, loving way. You are an inspiration to all of us. When you ask ‘What can we do?’ I suppose one answer is that we should begin to make life about all of us, and start asking the question as to why these statistics are so high in the first place, and what is going on for so many people to take their own lives.
Thank you for writing about this topic. It needs to be discussed far and wide. There is something seriously wrong if men believe their only option is to suicide.
Men are indeed as delicate as women and it is only on the other side of the delicateness that we find our true power.
The roles we are ‘given’ or rather take on in life, are for many people devastating and too much to cope with.
You are quite right, the high suicide rates are an indictment of what is not working in our society and of the lack of true connection, support and help. We can do much, much better than this and not let people, and especially men, perish at their own hand and in the misery of the devastation of not knowing how to go on.
I know of men who have committed suicide and they typically didn’t want to let people in- They chose to keep people at bay, and this hurt them even more than the original hurt. Suicide is not an overnight decision, it’s the end result of not dealing with things that hurt, till the weight of this is crushing them.
I really don’t like hearing people committing suicide. Suicide is not the answer and creates much devastation to the community with many people left behind never healing from such an event. I have wanted to become an advocate just because of the lack of true support and education around this subject. Energetically being aware of why suicide is what it is provides a real understanding to put a stop to it forever. Just like I heard the energetic truth presented by Serge Benhayon aka Universal Medicine behind alcohol and drugs supported me to stop almost straight away and never relapsed like I did in the past, and will never-ever take or choose to be around it if possible without judgement of course ever again. Such is the need for the energetic truth to be presented and be a reality of our world and future of humanity’s health and wellbeing and one brotherhood. So be it !
The shock from someone suiciding is enormous as we are all so much more sensitive then we allow ourselves to be and this highlighted with everyone in such circumstances. The true honouring of who we are and acceptance of this is a real start in addressing the increasing suicide rate in the world over. Honouring and living a deeper sense of community, family and connection whilst addressing this enormous state of where we as humanity has come to and how we are living really needs to change and this is a very important article bringing this to the forefront thank you Samantha.
This is very true Tricia. Not so long ago suicide was a rarity, but I know many people, including myself, who know someone who has taken their own life. This is quite scary. There are many reasons why people commit suicide – maybe they feel alone, helpless, overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn for help or support, so yes, until we live a deeper sense of community, family and connection each other like you say, unfortunately the trend will continue.
Hello Tricia and this is exactly it, how can we be shocked ‘from someone suiciding’? I agree the ripple effect is “enormous” but how can these take us by surprise. We will all agree it’s a pretty significant choice and then to do, extreme almost and why are we shocked when the person to go to that extreme would have been so crying out for support you would think? It is almost like this blog is saying and the comments that follow we aren’t discussing it deep enough, we are seeing suicide for what it is and therefore when someone is close to choosing this extreme we aren’t seeing the signs. We can no longer leave this to someone else or expect the Government to fix it, we all need to start to discuss what is going on, with men, families, friends everywhere. Why are men suiciding at these rates? What is it about men and how they are that’s causing this extreme measure? Why are we shocked when such an extreme is chosen? As you are saying Tricia we all have a hand in this and our responsibility rests in how we start to address this.
‘Is it because there is a deep, deep sensitivity in men that society just doesn’t allow for?’ – The words ‘sensitivity’ and ‘men’ are at opposite ends of the dictionary according to the standards set for men in society. This really has to change, because as you’ve highlighted the affect this has on men is devastating.
Thank you Samantha for bringing to our awareness such an important topic and also the responsibility we all have in order to stop the imposition we nowadays place on men. The world keeps championing the image of men to be hard, competitive and rough never really wanting to look at the terrible consequences so it is up to us to appreciate and honour each other’s qualities for who we truly are.
“Over 800,000 people die due to suicide every year and there are many more who attempt suicide.” This is a shocking statistic! Clearly this has to be an emergency warning siren that is reverberating the word over…we seem to not be hearing it!
Men are quietly coming out and expressing themselves and the tenderness we all have within us. Young men today have peer pressure and rejection 24/7 with technology. To be embarrassed in front of a few people when I was growing up was not great but today it is instant and global with no respite to hide from it! We can feel trapped in a corner with only one option of escape. It is long past time to bring this discussion into the light of day!
That is a major point you raise, bringing this discussion into the light of day because the falseness only can exist in the shadows where men try to hide from the imposition of expectations and pressure. The moment it is okay to talk about it men can step out of the shadows without feeling wrong or being rejected as they are supported to stand in the light of their true making.
The topic of suicide is not spoken too obviously perhaps for fear of copy-cat situations. However the suicide statistics in your blog Samantha, indicate that it is a conversation that needs to be had, so that more awareness and education can bring about knowing how vital a lifeline one can be when they notice that not all is well with someone.
Thank you Samantha for sharing this much needed topic with us as I too have had a number of friends in my life who have considered suicide and know that the one thing that we have to offer our support is to lend our gentle ear, without judgement just to be there connected and listening to what is there to be shared. Getting out into the community and or our families and just really connecting and having conversations, is a great starting point for it opens up honesty, intimacy and transparency to many topics that seem to be left by the wayside and frees up the line of communication in many facets of our lives.
Mental Health issues can travel through generations as parents are not able to be role models for how to cope with the stress of our modern world. Communication is through a small screen, texting, human contact is being eroded, there is more noise, more emotion, more struggle everywhere and we are not educating our children in a way that helps them to appreciate and use their inner resources. Encouraging children to feel and express what they feel is what is required.
I had someone close attempt suicide when I was young and it was shocking and there was not much support, but worst of all I think is that it is such a taboo subject and people aren’t comfortable talking about it. To me, it feels like we need to get honest and openly discuss these things.
‘Is it because there is a deep, deep sensitivity in men that society just doesn’t allow for?’ Society does not allow for what is true – the deep sensitivity, an honouring of the life lived in connection to the wisdom of the heart or the acceptance and validation of the amazing essence that each person carries with in – all are asked to live in separation to this truth and this is harming, painful and destructive. The statistics you have shared are shocking and it makes me wonder what has to happen for these statistics to change and to reduce. More sharing openly whether in articles such as this or living with an open heart that allows in all our interactions for others to claim who they are will help. Thank you Samantha for sharing your experience and creating more awareness through discussion.
It seems like such a simple, straight- forward request – to not impose on another person with images and ideals of how they should be. Knowing such awareness can support a person’s choice to live or die is the responsibility of us all.
‘As a society, and in truth as a worldwide family, we are all longing for deeper connection with ourselves and those around us, and the simple act of listening without judgment can be such a huge support to someone who is struggling with their mental health.’ – Thanks for highlighting this Samantha – to listen without judgment but with true understanding is key. The importance of this is something for all of us to take notice of.
I keep feeling to re-visit this blog, Samantha, as it presents a truth that I do not want to forget about or brush over. The rates of suicide are a critical sign of the times, that should be informing our decision making on a personal and collective level.
“What do men want most? – All men want to be loved for who they truly are.” Serge Benhayon (6).
– All anyone wants is to be loved for who their are, man, woman or child.
I have known two people that have committed suicide and they were both men. One was a young boy the same age as me who committed suicide while we were in year ten at high school and the other was my uncle in his fifties. Both were going through intense periods at the time. Bringing about a much needed awareness so that we are better informed about the symptoms of suicide may have saved these two men’s lives and many others. Thank you Samantha for raising such an important topic for discussion and to ponder on.
‘the simple act of listening without judgment can be such a huge support to someone who is struggling with their mental health’ – I agree Samantha. It’s not uncommon for those with mental health conditions to be judged for it, and I know a lot of people of a close age to me with those conditions who feel very unsupported by their schools, people close to them and society on a whole, for not actually listening to what they have to say and treating mental health as much less important to physical health.
Yes, Susie, to feel vulnerable and unstable and then be ostracised by your peers or community is sadly a common experience due to the stigma around mental health.
Society is not going to get any better – looking at the rising health and mental wellbeing statistics we cannot continue to ignore the fact that the number of suicides is a call out from humanity that life doesn’t work as it is, the way we raise children, put them through education and then live and work as an adult with no support of how to do that.
In such a simple line like: “listening without judgment can be such a huge support to someone” lies so much love and potential when we start to live it. When I just imagine I could listen to my self, what reflections my body gives me every second, what reflections my relationships offer me every day – if I would listen here without judging, without critic or doubt..this changes my world completely. I make this experience in the moment while I start to truly listen to me and appreciate myself. And I start as well to expand this listening and honour the people in my surroundings. I can see at the start there is a relaxing coming in, the breathing does change and than a connection kicks in that offers the joy and unfoldment of communion.
‘“What do men want most?
All men want to be loved for who they truly are.”
Serge Benhayon (6)’
This the most simplest and basic want a man can have yet we ask them to be everything opposite to this. As Samantha says we need to truly look at what is going on – Every single man has the right to be who they truly are and not have to feel like they need to change this to be accepted.
There is a Big Issue seller I have passed almost every day the last two years going to work. I have never bought a paper but still say no thank you and good morning. Without connection we become invisible. So, why would we do that to another?
Such an informative and caring post Samantha. These statistics are staggering and yet seem to be ignored by the media. Are we becoming complacent, thinking ‘oh, this is just another suicide’ instead of looking at the real reason why and taking steps to doing something about it. As I am writing this I realise that it is up to all of us individually to connect with people, and not see anyone as a stranger, for how can anyone truly be a stranger when we are all energetically connected, and people are only strangers if we choose to keep it that way.
“We are all longing for deeper connection with ourselves and those around us..” This is true Samantha and yet with all the internet and computer communications we seem to be less truly connected than ever before; leaving many feeling isolated and alone.
When not truly met, usually from young on, we don´t develop a sense of being connected and what it actually means, neither connection with self nor with someone else, the internet and computer generation may be even of worse as the gadgets often serve as a substitute for real human intimate connection.
The shear proportions of this problem mean that we will all know of being closely connected to men who are experiencing difficulties in the lives which are causing suicidal thoughts. We cannot afford to feel detached from this as if it someone else’s problem.
Suicide, particularly among men, is a subject that the carpet covering it needs to be lifted and all the unpleasant causes for it exposed.
I know so many men who live in permanent protection and who are not able to let down a guard that they think they need to have. They are smothered by the ingrained behaviours that they are too scared to leave behind, because its all they have been shown about being men from the world around them, and all they are allowed to be. i know how hard this is and how much its needed for men to come out of the auto pilot mode and start enjoying being who they truly are as men again. I have met a few men in the world who are not owned by typical behvaiours, but who express their true sensitivity and care for people time and time again, without reservation. Its amazing to be around them, and the world is missing out by not having all men living as they so easily could.
Suicide is an epidemic, and across every age group and every profession – and alarmingly high amongst those such as doctors, dentists, even psychiatrists who have had all the ‘intelligence’ and all the training in the world on the human body. Evidently that is not enough when it comes to understanding why someone would take the step to end their life. Thank you Samantha for your article and opening up this conversation so we can all learn and understand from each other what is needed for true connection, true support and true relationship between all of us.
“Men are just as sensitive as women. If we keep expecting them to be hard and tough, they will continue to override their delicate nature.“ – Serge Benhayon. And we will continue to see men’s suicide rates go up, and problems in society with violence, alcohol abuse, etc as men numb the fact that they are sensitive and use these various forms of distraction so as to not feel the pain that society doesn’t recognise or honour this.
Yes indeed – and yet how often do we get caught up in our busy lives and are not really truly present to another, maybe missing important clues as to what is going on within the other person.
” How many more men need to die? How many more have committed suicide in the time you have read this blog?” – What a thought, and something I had not thought of at all! When you put it like this, it brings a massive stop moment…
“We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be.” – Yes we are, and by embracing who we truly are and expressing and living this, all – men and women alike, can start the move to make a true difference as to how things can be run.
“Is it because there is a deep, deep sensitivity in men that society just doesn’t allow for?” This is such an important question to ask – and how awesome will it be when we can encourage this beautiful sensitivity to be expressed no matter what!
I remember in the mid 70’s, when I was at College for social studies learning to work in early childhood education, there was one young man in the school – the whole school. It was very much deemed a female profession. None of us really got to know him much, and one day the teachers came and told us that he had committed suicide the night before. Unfortunately, nothing more was said and no conversation was offered to help understand or shed light and find ways of support how to deal with this as well as how to be observant of others around us.
Such horrific statistics – I never knew. What a sad state of living this speaks of, for the ones that feel they no longer can handle life and for the ones left behind for not having noticed for whatever reasons – this opens the opportunity for all of us to truly look around and feel what is needed, whether of family, friends or casual acquaintances. A conversation very much needed for all of humanity.
I am starting to understand how men are driven to distraction by what society throws at us as a set of manly rules that do not fit who we truly are.
Men really hold back their tenderness because we as a society have shaped them in that way. From quite young they learn how they need to be to be accepted as a man which is so contradictory to how their naturally tender bodies want them to be. Only the other day I was listening to a conversation between some women about their husbands and how they are so sooky when they are sick and how annoying they felt because of it as they said, we soldier on but not them. And I said, maybe they have got it right, we are not meant to soldier on when we are sick, maybe the frustration is because they have actually got it right and we woman are annoyed by that because we are not choosing it for ourselves when we are sick. They were all silent for a moment and then one said, maybe you’re right.
I know you well Samantha, and I know the amazing work you do – when we reach out and offer those around us an opportunity for connection and in turn offer another option than the hurt and distrust of humanity.
Those statistics are intense and further more, they are not just stats, they are people and as you point out, those figures do not include all the families that are devastated and effected by the suicide of a loved one. I think because it’s so preventable, it hurts more for families and loved ones then if someone was to die from other causes. I can imagine it would be easy to slip into the, “if only I had….what if I had….how did I not see” stream of thoughts. Of course we know that blaming ourselves for another taking their own life is not the answer, nevertheless it would be a challenge to say no to those thoughts.
This is an issue that in all honesty I am only just beginning to have a full awareness about and I commend you for this article and its purpose because in order to address this as an issue in society, you must first at least acknowledge it and bring awareness to it.
Allowing men to be who they are and not needing them to fit our pictures, ideals and beliefs that to be a man you have to be tough and strong etc is something that we all need to learn, we need to share this with our children and those in our lives. To me it is as if we need to break a very old pattern of behaviour and thinking and talk about how tender men are and appreciate this aspect of them more so that they feel comfortable to express this way.
As a woman I feel it is so important for me to not give the impression that men need to be anything other than who they are and that it is that beautiful tenderness that I love to see and feel the most.
When society doesn´t allow for and or appreciates the deep sensitivity in men it needs men and women who start doing that; men who despite stereotyped images and expectations start honouring and expressing their sensitivity and care and women who let go of images of the idealized man fulfilling their needs and instead encourage men to just be themselves without the imposition of roles. We change society by changing ourselves and our relationship with each other; if one person can do it everyone can do it.
It is incredible to see the statistics and see the incredible amount of men that don’t cope with life anymore. I can definitely agree with the cause being the way we hold men to be who they in truth are not. We are keeping them in the false image of hard and though, while the opposite is the truth. I know this, and sometimes find it hard to live with this. But I know a way that I can live this, and this is what we all should reflect to all the men around us. It is okay to be sensitive.. and be loved for all that you are.
These suicide statistics are a clear indication that all is not well within society…and yet they are possibly understated if anything. How many suicides go unaccounted for in such statistics, classified as alternate forms of death?
It is quite remarkable that we do not hear of the true extent of suicide within our communicates – this is far from reported and brought to our attention and yet this is a real, growing ill that is prevalent within all communities and is calling to be understood and addressed.
Samantha I’m so with you on this. I see men struggle and turn to drugs and then turn to stealing to get more drugs and the system, the people in society, those who are there who could bring understanding bring judgement instead. So when these men do not get met they return to drugs and the cycle begins again. I know I have opportunities to speak out and though I do I also could deliver what I know with a far greater authority. my experience is people join in with judgement for fear of standing away from the crowd and the crowd turning on them as the one who is criticised, ostracised. Society will stay as it is if I do not claim what I know.
“What do men want most? All men want to be loved for who they truly are.” – Serge Benhayon
Thank you Samantha for a very pertinent and necessary article. We are all responsible. Responsible for how we have set things up in our society so that it does not support men. We are all responsible for taking on board such hard and cold notions of wanting our men to be tough and rugged (like lonely mysterious cowboys seen in the old Western movies; or like the buffed and hard superheroes we see in modern movies). When men have such images imposed upon them, of course they will feel like they fall short. And as women if we fall for that too, then we are asking for a very false relationship with men. This is not a balanced and loving relationship. To love someone for who they truly are, regardless of any other factors is a blessing that is felt all around, and it is time that we began to step in this direction.
I was at a function the other day observing people and all the interactions that were happening. It was interesting to watch how so often people interact at a surface level but never really connect. Everyone was busy and focused on having conversations they wanted to have that they missed a lot of what was actually happening around them and even for them. I later reflected on this and realised that so often this is how we live life- too busy to really live it.
The warmth that we share around us men should not be measured compared to the extreme that we as a humanity move in, but compared to what we feel deep inside of us. This is possible.
““What do men want most? All men want to be loved for who they truly are.” Serge Benhayon” so true and I am a massive advocate for this. For this to be a real truth for me I have to accept this within myself in full and let it out in full.
Listening without judgement indeed is a true gift that we can all offer.
That is true listening, to observe and to reflect and no judgement at all in sight.
We are all deeply loving, tender, sensitive beings… and yet there is an expectation of men to be hard and tough – where does this come from? There was a recent TV show here in Australia where they asked women what they wanted/liked in a man – they said being gentle, sensitive, loving. When men were asked what they thought women wanted/liked in men they said to be tough and strong – the exact opposite! And yet somehow, somewhere along the way of growing up boys are encouraged to be this way – why do they need to change when we are all born sensitive?
This really does highlight how we are all living as a society – each of us is responsible for these statistics… even just one suicide is too many. How do we view men, what are our expectations of a man’s role – do we see men for who they truly are or expect them to live up to our ideals of what we want them to be?
So true Paula, as a collective society we all are responsible for these statistics and logically we are also responsible for starting the conversations to openly discuss the root causes of why these stats are so – then together arresting them and turning them around.
Wow, those statistics of 76% men suiciding are alarming, and even more so when they eclipse road accidents, cancer and heart disease – every year. How is it that this is not headline news? As you point out Samantha we have safe driving campaigns etc but no ‘campaign’ for this.
Sometimes I have wondered as I am sure many have, what can I do about something that seems so unrelated to me and my life? Well there is a lot we can do. Simply by being love and meeting another in that, it can change their whole lives. If more and more people do this it would not be long for the whole world to change its ways.
Beautifully expressed Joshua, and absolutely true. Really simple too when we allow ourselves to truly feel this.
These are horrifying statistics Samantha – I have experienced suicide with someone very close to me and have first hand felt the devastation of it. What I recall most of all is the silence around it, the lack of conversation. Everyone around me acted as if it had not happened, some would even choose to cross over to the other side of the street to not have to meet me. I felt very alone with it and that I needed to hide my feelings, which I became really good at. We need an open dicussion about this topic and why the numbers of suicide are on the rise. What is it that we are missing?
The topic of suicide has been coming up a lot in my life lately at work and it is one that I am still not comfortable with, there is a part of me that wants to be better equipped to support those who may have suicidal thoughts but what is really going on that so many people are having these thoughts in the first place. What can we do to support?
Men are super sensitive and deserve this quality to be honoured.
“Over the years that I got to know him, I witnessed him have highs and lows and it was here that I really started to notice how little support there is available for people with mental health issues.”
If I let this really in, this is very, very sad. Could this be so because we actually don’t really know what is causing mental health problems? Could it be that our mental health problems actually originate in the lack of a caring / loving relationship with our body? In my experience there are a lot of ‘mental health professionals and modalities’ that try to support from an academic perspective. Which sounds really nice, but actually is empty when it doesn’t come from the body. As a society we are to start accepting the crucial role our body is playing in regards to our overall well-being, including our mental health problems. Because the increasing amount of men commiting suicide, rather than commiting to themselves and life, should ring all (ALL) alarm bells.
A wake up call wich is needed in our society, where people do not get heard and only get recognition when they fill out a role. And is it not that expectations on men to be tough, to be a certain way are high and they are not appreciated in their sensitivity and vulnerability.
Suicide or any attempted suicide affects so many people, not just the immediate family – everyone who is involved with the incident, support workers, people on the scene – and all those who read about it in the newspaper. Have we become so de-sensitised that suicides are just another statistic? We all have our ups and downs, we all have our own ways of dealing with life’s challenges, and for some ending it all feels like their only way out of the mess.
Carmel, spot on, suicide affects many people. Over the years I have had several friends suicide. I recall one of my class mates at university that committed suicide (a female), a family friend at our tennis club who committed suicide (a female), and another close friend of mine from school who decided to end her life. And I also recall the very first time that I understood suicide for what it was – it was when I was about 10 years old the son of a friend of ours (he had been babysitting us at the time) about 1 year later he committed suicide – I really had trouble understanding this as we had had so much fun together. Each time the news of the suicide for each of these cases was announced, it was so hard to hear, and left me feeling quite shocked, saddened and even a little angry at the fact that I knew this was not the natural way to go, that for someone to have to feel so desperate, how could we not have done something about this before it was too late? How could we not have known that something was so out of balance for this person. And thus it is like you are saying Carmel, as a society there is such dis-connection, such deep deep de-sensitization to what is happening. This might be the current situation, but the sooner the world wakes up to this, the sooner we can begin to make true change with lasting effects.
Samantha this is a fantastic article that is extremely needed. Those statistics are extortionate and we do have to stop and ask ourselves how have we managed to get here as a society and what else needs to happen for us to realise that the way we are choosing to live is not working?
There seems to be much more focus and attention given to women/girls in regards to mental health conditions, the pressures put on them from the media and society to be a certain way and how this affects them (eating disorders, negative body image, suicide and so forth), but it’s so true that ‘Men are just as sensitive as women’ and are under equal ideals, beliefs and pressures to perform. Thank you for starting the conversation.
We as men have chosen at some point to buy into what the world says we should be; hard, stronger, the bread winner and the list goes on but does not include the bits we all are naturally… our tenderness and sensitivity. Why do men that commit suicide use such strong ways to exit? Could it be the final, I am a hard man look at how I took myself out in the end? I saw an advertisement the other day about the newest market that is booming, Men’s grooming products. The ad showed a scum of rugby players and the products advertised; it was a +Care Men’s whatever face, hair and hands products. On the bottom, it had “Care makes you stronger.”
Great call out Samantha
Thank you Samantha for highlighting an area that is neglected and yet we all know inherently is true, and which, as you say, can only get worse unless we stop and address this lack of connection to ourselves and to one another. It feels that quite often we can become wrapped up in our own ‘little world’ without realising the simple truth that the more we withdraw the more we cut off what feels like our life force which is expression and connection. It can take something as simple as a smile to change someone’s day and this can be the beginning of a deeper connection within. When we build a true connection with ourselves and our sensitivity we will emanate a sense that it’s okay to allow others to see our hurts and that we do not have to cut ourselves off from our feelings in order to be accepted by others.
Thankyou for brining this to our attention Samantha. As a society we do tend to think that men are tougher than women, and because they are more unwilling to talk so much about how they feel, they can easily be dismssed as being difficult and or grumpy. However, if we considered that “Men are just as sensitive as women. If we keep expecting them to be hard and tough, they will continue to override their delicate nature.“ Serge Benhayon (5), “we would begin to understand the devastating effects of ignoring what is really going on for them, one of which is the terrible consequence of what happened to your friend.
How many of us feel we are too busy to give time to another when this time could be invaluable and crucial for another person. I feel connection is very much the key here for us to make it about true connection not only with ourselves but with everyone around us and everyone we meet, we never know how even just a smile can change someones life or how they are feeling in that moment. Men are just as sensitive as women, if not more!!! We definitely need to really take stock of this, what you have shared here and what I am hearing more and more about the suicidal rates in men going up and break the stereotypical images that have been held about how a ‘man should be’ instead allowing them to express their sensitivity and gentle nature. As you also say ‘we are not addressing the root causes’ something which Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine always truly do.
Recently someone I know tried to take their life, when someone has got to that point other forces come into play that make it very difficult to reach them. The point is we don’t want anyone to get to that point, yet we are living in societies that do not honour connection as the most important thing required in our interactions. Whist we focus on security and all that entails we will not make a change to any statistics.
“What do men want most? All men want to be loved for who they truly are” This is what we need to be more aware of and what this really means, then maybe we would not have the shocking statistics on suicide that you have shared with us Samantha. We have a world that looks to technology science and medicine to give us the answers when the answer to many of life’s issues and dilemmas can be found much closer to home, with the simple and fundamental steps to see and meet people for who they truly are. From young there is an expectation for young boys to behave in a certain way to be strong to not cry to not care, they are not met for their sensitivity and beauty that they naturally hold.
“the responsibility we all have for our mental well-being, but also the lack of support and connection we have with each other in society. We can no longer keep suicide isolated.” Well highlighted Samantha you have brought to the fore front the need for a change in the way we connect and support each other in our societies and the allowing of men to be who they truly are honouring their sensitivity and tenderness and the whole world will benefit.
For “suicide – the biggest killer of men under 50” – “eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease.” This is deeply shocking and this is difficult to take in. As you say Samantha this is not on our radar and not part of our everyday discussion…it really should be.
You have written this article with so much tenderness and understanding Samantha, both men and women ‘want to be loved for who they truly are’ and yet we fight this, we want to protect ourselves from feeling that we have let go of our own preciousness in order to fit into a system which we know is not true.
Thank you Samantha for writing a great blog about an important subject. These statistics are shocking. We do need to start having this conversation about men and their health. How bad do the statistics have to get before we will start talking?
It is a global epidemic Samatha that is devasting our families and yet we still choose to attempt to deny the painful and shocking reality of it. Men are extremely sensitive and this is not a failing but an immense strength and yet we continue to expect men to completely over-ride who they truly are in favour of conforming to some very un-healthy idealogies and the consequences are plain to see. Building systems that put people’s welfare first and foremost as opposed to economics, politics and war has to be our only way forward and until we do, our suicide rates are going to keep on rising.
Is it not staggering that these statistics are not front page news until something changes? What is so important to us that we are not willing to start the conversation about these fundamental issues in our communities? I would say the egocentric model of human life where everyone is looking after themselves and their own, not looking beyond to the many downward spirals occurring all around us. We will not evolve until we start to truly care for one another.
It is so easy to just see suicide as a ‘normal’ part of society but when we stop we cannot deny it is telling us that there is something not right in the way we are with each other in society. And to be honest is this not something we are all feeling and would like to change? The constant stress and tension, the making it all about what we produce mentality, more and more people only looking on their mobile phone screens… is this the way we want to live as a society?
As with so many other health issues (diabetes, obesity etc), mental health issues are also on the rise in a dramatic way. Lack of conscious presence with our bodies and thus, disconnection from our innermost essence are major contributing factors to a vast spectrum of illness and disease manifesting in every form.
“Over the years that I got to know him, I witnessed him have highs and lows and it was here that I really started to notice how little support there is available for people with mental health issues”.
“Many men like Toby have ended their lives too soon, leaving family and friends devastated. To me this highlights the responsibility we all have for our mental well-being, but also the lack of support and connection we have with each other in society” – how very true Samantha, and without connection there is just no signal…for things to work…and deep down we all want things to work, to be in order, and hence those tiniest moments where we might see someone’s disconnection, their loosing signal, are our observant collective responsibility both as a community and race of beings.
As a society we have a responsibility to look out for all, and in many ways we have systems which are aimed at supporting and servicing the all even if they come from wanting to manage problems, but to truly understand what is going on goes much deeper. If humanity is a one big family, than we need to look out for those around us as well, not just our ‘blood’ family.
“Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease.” – an astounding statistic. We hear about all 3 of these causes of death and ways to prevent them, but we don’t hear about suicide and what’s going on there. It is definitely time to start talking about this more to bring awareness about it to people.
A very sobering read Samantha. The high suicide rates in men says so much about how we view men in society – measure up or else. I work with many men and some are more in touch with their tenderness than others, and what I do notice is that when they are left just to be themselves, they love it, and they just melt, and they are so much fun to be around.
Samantha you are a powerful advocate for men. You have a clear, strong and truthful voice; keep speaking up, you can bring about much needed change to a world that is in desperate need of people like you.
Hear hear – well said Alexis and so true – I can only say the same Samantha, thank you.
Very timely article, thank you Samantha.
A powerful wake-up call to our responsibility. Nothing will change unless we start to make different choices.
I am not yet 20, and yet I have known several people have loved ones commit suicide – more so than deaths from illness or even accidents, suicide causes the most devastating ripple effects as those around them try to comprehend the why and the how and come to terms with the often very unexpected loss. We cannot continue to ignore the rate of suicide – those numbers are not just numbers but represent loved ones, brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, daughters and sons. When one person ends their life, so many others are affected and I have seen the effect this has on people – we have to begin to change not just for those who want to take their lives but for those left behind.
If it is true that “All men want to be loved for who they truly are” then how are the many ways we are letting them down, by imposing expectations and pictures upon them to be tough, rugged, able to deal with everything, then judgmental when they don’t fit the picture, or treat women in ways that are less than loving, yet we have raised them to know no different. There is a long way to go for both men and women to redefine our relationships based on truth, equality and respect and true love, but we can start now, and it needs to start with an equal honouring of ourselves.
I’ve been pondering on all the pictures we have in society around men and the effect of these impositions; to be strong – both physically and emotionally, be successful and provide for your family, keep your family safe, be the ‘handy man’ around the house and for all things mechanical – to name but a few. No wonder men don’t feel it’s safe to be themselves, what a lot to live up to. When we don’t meet the expectations of others we feel a sense of failure, we can’t continue to live in this way, imposing false expectations on our gorgeous men. The statistics show the despair, the solution is to fix the root cause and for us all to honour men for the gorgeous tender beings that they are, to allow them the space to be who they are and love them for all that they truly are.
‘We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be’ – So true Samantha. It seems as if everyone in the world is passing the dirty plate (the current state of society) on to be properly cleaned and washed, not taking any responsibility for the dirt we initially put on it and are adding to each time it passes our hand.
I do think that men are equally as sensitive as women and I know as a woman I find it hard at times to show my sensitivity and often bring in hardness to not feel how sensitive I am. And I am a woman. We are given much more ‘permission to be sensitive’ than our male counterparts. So if I struggle, I can’t even imagine how hard it is for our men. And the suicide stats are revealing to us that it is super hard. I think women can lead the way on this and bring out their sensitivity and in doing so, offer men to do the same.
I’m actually a little surprised every time I read the stats on Men’s suicide. it’s like I hear it for the first time every time. Why is that? I feel it’s because there is a part of me that just doesn’t want to believe it. It’s so shocking and so the complete opposite of what we witness in society about what a Man is/does in the world, that it can seem like mis-information.
So, in saying that, yes, we have so much responsibility here to correct our perception of Men roles in the world. Enough really is enough.
Samantha this is indeed an important topic to be bringing our attention and awareness to. This sentence certainly stood out for me: “we are still accepting the stereotypical images of what a man should be and not allowing and accepting men as they are, for themselves.”. As a society, we box men in, we label them, we place expectations on them – it is no wonder that things are developing as they are with a rise in suicide, illness and disease etc. So long as we go against our natural grain, we will encounter issues around this.
I feel women can have an expectation around how men ought to be also, buying in and adding to the rough, tough, hard and brave expectation, whilst also having a longing for them to be the tender and gentle, open and expressive beings they naturally are too. So many mixed messages from society. It is wonderful that you have initiated this conversation Samantha, after all the loss of even one life to suicide affects us all.
These statistics are indeed revealing of us having it very wrong in our society. Thank you for bringing them up as they prompt reflection, discussions, insights and a call to deepening our love and responsibility as we see here. It is a further indictment of the world we have created when statistics from bogus tampered-with-research, such chocolate or alcohol being good for you, get into the press yet the figures about the true issues we need to face such as suicide, which are readily available from multiple sources, rarely sees the light of day.
Such wisdom delivered here Samantha. Wow what a state we are in that men feel their only way out is to take their lives. And as Serge Benhayon has said – if we keep expecting men to be tough then they walk away from their true sensitivity. Men are naturally this, and it is time to start embracing them for this. Yes a very different way to look at a man, but obviously the way we stereotype them currently is so far from the truth of who they are that we are ending up in a mess.
Thank you Samantha England for bringing the practical side to these alarming statistics with the understanding that each and every person who takes their own life is a brother, father, uncle, friend and the list goes on to so many. The ripple effect is alarming and a blog like this is a definite wake up call.
We have become very disassociated with anything that does not affect us directly. Even the expression ‘every person who takes their own life is a brother, father, uncle, friend’ has become something that we no longer relate to because we are not directly affected. It seems that we only actually feel the effects of a situation if either A) we are directly affected by it or B) we are so connected with ourselves that we are, in turn, connected with everyone else.
What a tragic and sorry state of affairs we have in the way our society runs so lovelessly and is accepted as normal and ‘how it is’. Men, women and children of all ages feeling depression, deep isolation and in separation to themselves and others even in a place or building crowded with people.
It is time to stand up and take responsibility for our part in this mess, through lack of true expression of the divine essence that is absolute in everyone, just buried under deep hurts, beliefs and ideals.
“We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be”
Men matter. Women matter. We all matter so isn’t it time for us to look at how we are living that makes people want to end their life.
Its really worth stopping for a moment and considering the fact, that men are just as sensitive as women, and yet in all those moments men harden and hold back the tears or the feelings of vulnerability, what is happening in the body physiologically, what is it setting men up for. Psychological despair and the statistics we are left with. Why do we have a such a problem with letting men be fragile and open, what exactly are we scared of. Great blog Samantha, thanks for writing it, it’s a bit of a silent killer and needs talking about.
I have noticed one of the hardest thing people deal with when their loved ones commit suicide is the knowing that they wouldn’t have done it if you had spoken to them or been there. There is a truth to this and that is why it is so hard to digest. We can think ‘why didn’t they just call’ .. ‘I even told them to phone if they ever needed me’. But if we open up the contemplation deeper we see. A) a society that treats young boys different to young girls. B) That boys are not encouraged to express their feelings growing up, and when they do at best they are tolerated, not truly listened to and supported. We really need to look at how we are parenting males as part of this issue as it is unrealistic to expect a male to reach out when this has never been encouraged for them growing up. We are all responsible for raising children as we all make up the environment (society) that we all live in.
As a mother of a newly born son, my duty is to raise him in full knowing of the tenderness and preciousness he is, as equal to anyone else. How he chooses to live with his own body will always be his choice, but just like his Dad, he will know that there is nothing naturally rough and tumble, hard or un-loving about him as a boy or a man. We are all born exquisitely Divine, with soft, delicate skin and fluid flowing connective tissue all throughout – it’s easy to see that any step away from knowing who we are to begin with could easily lead to disharmony and inner turmoil in our minds and bodies… leading to choices that are not truly representative of the essence of us.
That we have reached a state when men are taking their own lives at a high rate is shocking indeed. Bringing it back to the personal level, someone I know found the body of a man who parked a quiet rural place to suicide by exhaust fumes. The trauma for this person who cam upon the body ishuge, not to mention the man’s family and friends. Most sobering of all when the SES answered her emergency call, the first man on the scene confessed that it could have been him just a few months ago. All because the image we hold to men does not fit the reality of the tenderness that they are.
I agree Samantha these statistics are showing that the alarming rate of men’s suicide goes on unnoticed. And as you mentioned for every man who commits suicide there are many who attempt it, or are miserable and exist but barely alive.
In our society men are moulded to be strong and logical – emotion and feelings are things to be suppressed. This thread permeates through our society so completely it becomes normal and everyday. Could it be that is the reason men’s desperation goes by unseen and not talked about?
Men have become experts at hiding their feelings because they sense that what they really feel will not be accepted. This leaves a man who knows he is sensitive with nowhere to go, no one to talk to, and he thinks there is something wrong with him.
One thing I learnt from this blog is we cannot address mental health from a client only perspective, we must look and the mental health of our whole community and the atmosphere where suicide has become so prevalent.
Suicide is a silent killer – we often only know the true facts after the event and then we can look back and say we saw the signs. There definitely needs to be more awareness about mental health and accept it as a normal part of our society, remove the stigma, so that people feel they can ask for help. We all try to be stoic, feel that we can cope alone, but in truth, we need each other, we need support, we do not survive alone.
I agree Carmel and those who are having suicidal thoughts need to be able to talk about it without being judged. With the rates being so high, this is a topic that everyone should be talking about rather than keeping it a taboo subject and behind closed doors.
This is so true Carmel – we do need support and we do not survive alone. Many of us have been brought up to believe we have to run the show alone and feel if we ask for support or help, that it is a sign of weakness. yet it is a sign of strength to opening up and asking for help, showing our vulnerability and trust that we will not be judged for it.
I love the time that you gave Toby Samantha. This is actually the biggest gift we can give anyone – our time, attention and love. This kind of connection is what is lacking in the world. We can all be in too much of a rush and on a mission to get somewhere that we can forget the fundamental important things in life like human connection. It is enriching and healing for everyone. In answer to your question – this is what we can do.
Thanks Samantha – while I’ve heard the statistics and recently seen a ‘push up challenge’ to recognise those who have committed suicide in the armed services, your article really hit home. It’s made me realise that I, as a man, have more responsibility than just offering help to those in need. I have a responsibility to show the world that I am sensitive…and that it’s okay to be this way. So I must be first before I can truly help.
Beautifully said, Nick. Every time a man is his true tender self it offers a blessing to the world.
Awesome Nick – “So I must be first before I can truly help.” So it is.
Well said Samantha and a topic that goes vastly unaddressed. The statistics are shocking to say the least. What they show me is people both men and women are generally unhappy with their lives and the way things are. The problem arises when we do not have enough people in a position to truly help support these people. I know it is and can be very easy to get into a downward spiral and without true support nothing changes. And true support often means saying what is needed to be said, after all no one can do it for you or pull you up – if they do you will only fall again. We are all love and the more we treat each other with this love and live it the less people will feel the need to find a way out.
“What do men want most? All men want to be loved for who they truly are.” Serge Benhayon. This cuts through all the ideals of what it is men are projected to want (nice car, well paid job, big house, great holidays, certain physique…) and brings it back to the raw and simple that men want to be appreciated and loved for their tender nature and not for what they can display or provide.
Absolutely we need to look at all of the systems that we have in place as they contribute greatly to the expectation of men to be a certain way that does not necessarily allow their true nature, however this starts earlier in life while men are boys. Men are rejected for who they truly are as being super sensitive and tender beings from an early age, usually by parents and family expecting and rewarding them with affection and attention for beginning to fit stereotypical gender roles. It is therefore super important that we all look at our own perceptions of what men should or should not be before we project these onto others, especially children. We should all be met for who we truly are and not for what others or society will accept. Awesome blog Samantha.
Mental health is a growing issue, and men are extremely sensitive and often don’t want to talk about what is going on for them, however maybe we need to look at how society is set up to make men unable to express how they feel, and how we can all play a part in making changes that make it easier for men to open up.
Thank you Samantha for this eye opening blog, something has seriously gone a drift and out of tilter when we have such a high percentage of young men choosing to take their own lives. We have to change our perception of what it means to be a man and that somehow they do not have feelings or cannot be hurt, because this is so far from the truth. Men are equally as sensitive as women but we as society do not want to see that, but the men are showing us that this is the case. What an extreme way to have to get the message across.
I am always struck when we allow men to be all of who they truly are, just like women there is such a depth and sensitivity to be appreciated and fostered.
Samantha thank you so much for writing about such an important topic. Normally people don’t like to write or talk about it because it is too confronting. We as a society have to take more responsibility for how we are living as people who are committing suicide showed us very clearly that something is not loving enough. It would be great to start with our own way of being and to nominate what is loveless so that each can start to bring more love back into their lives. For me love is the best medicine against suicide as being more loving with myself there would be no place for a suicide.
Working in a nursery class in a school I see how the tenderness and sensitivity of boys daily, and equally so in girls, is a natural state. And yet there is a time when this begins to be masked but from my observations a lot sooner in boys. For some by the age of 3 they are already taking hard rough tumbles in the playground and then getting up as if nothing has happened. If they fall over they are often told they are ok. I watch their faces want to crumble as they try to hold back the tears. So yes, I would absolutely agree with this – “Is it because there is a deep, deep sensitivity in men that society just doesn’t allow for?” As we as adults impose on our children how we think they should be rather than allowing them to be what and who they naturally are.
Samantha, this is a really important article, I can feel from my experience of school that there is an expectation that boys will not be gentle, sensitive and sweet, there is a pressure on them to conform to the stereotype of what a boy/man should be – tough, rough and not cry or show any weakness, this starts as young as 5 and 6 years old and if boys don’t conform they can be picked on and stand out. I can see how this then carries on into adult life.
To develop our systems and that is the people being active in these systems to live ‘a fundamental level of deep compassionate care at the very heart of their strategies, policies and procedure’ is key for any change that we want to have as well on the individual level and society as a whole. But it starts with a personal sense of responsibility for the quality we contribute to everything that we do otherwise how can a teacher or parent support children to sustain and develop deep care for another when they don´t live it themselves, same for the makers of law or managers leading their team etc. It is people who change systems so we need people who have it in themselves (live the qualities) to bring what we all as people need. Who makes the start?
A powerful question Alex, as most of us live our lives leaving it to the next person as if an issue has not directly impacted us and our family/friends; we continue with our status quo, unconcerned with the suffering of others, and yet we are all suffering at the hands of systems where self care and responsibility are not the foundation.
“The education system, the legal system, the healthcare system…why there is not a fundamental level of deep compassionate care at the very heart of their strategies, policies and procedures.” It’s true that we make these systems all about function and not about deep care and this is where as individuals we can get lost. If there is little love in the family home individuals are not going to fair any better at school or through the legal and healthcare systems. As a wider society we leave people to flounder.
To answer the question “What are we doing as a society to have such high rates of suicide?”
– We are not connecting with each other.
– We are not connecting to ourselves.
– We are not treating ourselves and each other as the delicate sensitive beings we are.
– We are not being responsible about living in harmony with each other.
– We are not being honest about what we are feeling and acknowledging that another human being (our brother) is shutdown and withdrawing from life.
– AND “Is it because there is a deep, deep sensitivity in men that society just doesn’t allow for?”
Energetically we have to change. With the support of Universal Medicine, I have been able to get to the root of my issues. It has brought me out of suicidal thoughts, more than a decade of severe depression, withdrawal, shutting down, how to deal with your hurt, drug abuse, and more than a life time of severe self-abuse. Many many miraculous changes.
It seems everyone has a close connection with at least one person who has committed suicide, so why isn’t it talked about or acted on more? Is it because there is no money in it? Knowing that we are all tender sensitive beings and that it’s ok to cry and have feelings and that we don’t have ‘to be a man’ or ‘man up,’ like I was brought up to believe is something all men need to know and that we have all been hurt deeply in the past, hence the protection we put up that can so easily crumble if is not replaced by love.
I was recently at an event where a young man spoke about the way he feels about the world today. He discussed the ‘every man for himself’ mentality that pervades our capitalist society, governments and systems and everyone in the room was nodding in recognition and agreement with what he presented. We all know that the status quo is not working. For myself I am going to put your line about listening without judgement into action and I know that the ability to do this starts with letting go of the judgments I have placed on myself.
Great point Leonne. We might think that making a good life for yourself is a good thing to do yet if it is not equally serving everyone else there is no true success. And I love making a start with ourselves because that is in truth the only thing we can change.
An awesome article to shed light on and expose the end result of our apathy…. It is absolutely our responsibility, and well overdue, for us to collectively say no to lovelessness and empty systems and to a world that dictates how a man should be at expense of who they truly are, for even one suicide is too many.
Reading your article, Samantha, it’s deeply shocking and heart wrenching to feel how as a society we are so disconnected from our selves and each other, to the point that young people are taking their own lives as this feels a truer option for them than continuing to live their lives as they are. It feels like we have become so conditioned to treating each other in a ‘functional’ way, rather than truly meeting each other, going past the exterior face that gets presented to the world and meeting the inner essence of each person, with love.
I’m realising that we are all contributing to the disconnection that men are feeling if we are not meeting them in their tenderness. What gets presented to us on the outside is often very different to what is on the inside. When we speak to the tender man we are truly meeting him.
An amazing blog Samantha, and a call to harms we all need to hear and respond to – no more can we perpetuate the stereotypes, expectations and behaviours that is driving a society where these statistics are occurring. As the friends and family of these people we need to look at how we can connect with each other far more deeply so that these people don’t get to this place.
It would be interesting to look at the expectations we have as women of men and the part we play in encouraging a lack of sensitivity in men. I am married to a man who, to my constant amazement, given how pervasive the ‘macho’ stereotype is, has managed to resist that stereotype his entire life. When I met him I struggled with that somewhat – he wasn’t as ‘tough’ as I wanted him to be or should I say as tough as I had become used to in other men. Today I love and adore his commitment to his innate sensitivity, have learnt much from him myself, and see how little men and women truly differ when left to live their natural ways free of imposition of any kind.
When I was 18 a younger boy in our neighbourhood committed suicide. He had adopted a tough, punk personae yet underneath this he was clearly hurting. Much later, an older man in my broader family circle committed suicide. A successful business owner and a family man, he seemed (on the surface at least) to be living the good life. As this article indicates – and no doubt the personal experiences of many of us – our men and boys are struggling much more than we know, or want to know. The statistics back this up. Samantha is correct when she says we need to get on to this as a matter of urgency. Our approach to the matter of being a man is clearly flawed.
‘All men want to be loved for who they truly are’ Serge Benhayon. If this was to happen men would not feel so lonely and isolated and I suspect the suicide rates would go down considerably.
I feel the same goes for women too. Recently I have met a few women whose mothers committed suicide when the women were children, and the scars and not understanding are still carried today, felt in the body and audible in the voice while sharing. The conversation opened – and that was beautiful that this could be expressed too.
Thank you Samantha for sharing and for further raising awareness of this most important subject. This is a topic that had touched me some time ago now and yes, the statistics are alarming. In the UK there is a tragic fact of a successful suicide every 90 minutes and if you equate that to the international stage the figure tumbles to a loss of one life every 40 seconds. Unfortunately, WHO do not expect the situation to improve and estimate that the rate will double over the next few years giving a rate of one suicide ever 20 seconds by 2020. What has also really been impressed upon me is not only the human cost of a lost life but the dramatic effect on friends and family because the ramifications are simply horrific. This is a trauma that you can never really recover from and I am aware that it is estimated that a partner or son of a suicide victim is 3 times more likely to commit suicide themselves. In your blog you mention some very pertinent questions, the answers are complex but when life becomes trapped men have to feel that they are able to talk. Sadly, this is just not happening to such an extent that in a recent survey by YouGov 42% of all men admitted to considering suicide as a way out. In addition to Samaritans there are an increasing number of voluntary organisations that offer specialised support and are also raising awareness; but as students of The Way of The Livingness never has it been more important for us to show by reflection that there is an another way.
Being so disconnected from each other in society is a reflection of how disconnected we are from our bodies. When we are not with our body, not with ourselves, there is such an ache and longing for connection outside of ourselves, and when that is not met, we feel totally devastated.
I whole-heartedly commend you Samantha for starting this much needed conversation. These figures are shocking, from which it is clear that there is something blatantly amiss with the consciousness that we as society are subscribing to. The fact that in general we expect men to be ‘strong and tough’ to be considered ‘real men’ is forgoing any possibility for our men to be met and honoured for who they truly are, so they can freely express the sensitivity and tenderness that they all hold and feel within, without ridicule or judgement. I agree the responsibility is ours, all of us, and we can begin to turn these statistics around by meeting men for who they tenderly are, and to have these conversations within our communities to break down this ungodly consciousness that is clearly leading so many of our beautiful men to their demise.
I love this Richard it is so true when we make the choice to connect we are doing so much more then we realise.
This is a very shocking albeit very powerful and poignant blog Samantha and should be published in every tabloid to bring public awareness worldwide of these alarming and astoundingly tragic statistics. This is not okay – each and everyone can make a difference. We simply need to love and care for each other – no holds barred!
Thank you Samantha for expressing and sharing on a very delicate subject. I can feel how much it hurts me as a man to read this statistics. It hurts and I also feel like numb and overwhelmed. Every man (and every woman) taking his (and her) life is one too much. We’re to re-find a way that enables us to simply care and love each other. Let’s stop playing the tough game and admit that we’ve all been deeply hurt, we all escape into our heads, we’re all the same. Yet, beneath the devastation is the joyful, tender, deeply loving and caring man (and woman). Are we willing to build a foundation together where life is accepted as a school that we’ve been offered (!!) to re-turn to live the love we are. Bit by bit, day by day. Life after life.
“Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease.” This statistic is staggering and should not be underestimated – to put it another way, the main reason men die in the prime of the life (20-49) is because they choose to end their own lives. What does this say about our way of living?
I spent pretty much all my life until my mid-40s knowing that things are very much not right and not knowing what to do about it on a deep level. I can see how this could turn into despair.
‘by starting to change the way we relate to each other now, and no longer accepting the imposition society imposes on men.’ Powerful messages in your entire blog Samantha, this part I have highlight is brilliant, it reminds us that we can certainly contribute to making a different to our society and our lives by looking at how we choose to relate to ourselves and each other on a daily basis. I feel that our lack of true connection has a huge correlation with our mental health. Firstly our connection to ourselves which affects our connection with others needs to be examined and develop, it is hugely important, and I feel it is key to many of our relationships and emotional issues. We are naturally drawn to connect and share with each other but many of our current setups, especially in the way we live often doesn’t support or make it easy for us to truly connect with each other. This is evident in our own homes and in our wider community. There is a growing trend I can see and people are becoming more and more isolated because of our lifestyle choices. So, working on building a deeper connection with ourselves and others is a starting point to supporting us on many, many levels, on our physical health as well as our mental health.
” No longer can we give up and brush statistics like these aside, as these men are our brothers, fathers, sons. They are our community.” Thank you Samantha for your sharing, I am amazed that that so many young men are taking their lives, it is time men are set free from the ideals of the tough macho man being strong, when in truth men are tender and very very sensitive this needs to be honoured, one man suiciding is one too many.
With these alarming rates of suicide is it not time that we stopped turning a blind eye and look at the root cause of why so many men are choosing to end their lives. This is not an issue that will go away until the cause is addressed and we all take responsibility rather than thinking that it doesn’t affect us. And that responsibility starts with taking simple steps as you did Samantha, choosing to deeply connect with others and meet their essence.
It is very true that society continues to stereotype men and women into roles – and to be honest, we each do likewise if we accept such beliefs and take on these roles.
The harm of living other than who we are is the first harm….add to this the pressure of trying to live up to something we are not and therefore can never obtain results in deeper and deeper unrest and disharmony.
It is important to express our true self – innate tenderness, fragility and vulnerability and to not take on roles that are falsely loading us up.
It is time to support men in being who they innately are, sensitive, vulnerable and tender. As women we are in the most powerful of positions to reflect this support as we know these qualities and can be very familiar with appreciating what it feels like to choose them or not for ourselves. There isn’t one set way of being for men – men are absolutely divine in any way they choose to express.
It’s a great point you raise about the link between society’s expectation on men, not allowing them to be who they truly are and the rates of suicide.
It is very important to bring awareness to this, a potent sign of our separated society, and to appreciate and take responsibility for what we can bring in our communities.
Yes to men women and children alike. When we start to bring this awareness and act on it, others can be inspired and so the ball can start rolling …
I clap my hands Samantha, this shows us extremely powerfull we are once we open up to see what is going on.. To take our sunglasses off and stop pretend.. To truly see and heal that we are on our way of self-destruction more than ever before, and that by all of our systems we are telling to continue with this in a way.. To not be ourselves , but a projection of something; an ideal, an images or thought.. You are so right Samantha, you inspire us all to step up. Let this Toby , with all millions of people who had committed suicide be now our wake up call to help: by truly seeing what is going on, support and get our hands dirty. We can not continue in this way, as otherwise the number will only become outragous and out of control..
Hello Samantha and some huge statistics for men and for us all. They will remain statistics unless we put something into action and we can’t rely or leave it to someone else to do it. Start having the kitchen table conversations now, bring the discussion to the street and let’s raise the awareness of what are some very very concerning figures. As you indicate we are horrified at the road toll and we spend a huge amount of money in education and policing and yet here we have something far greater that’s left virtually in the dark. It doesn’t make sense but when has a current system ever made sense.
These statistics are horrific – even one man committing suicide is a sign that all is not well – how come we have allowed so many to die? These figures should be daily headline news to wake us up to what is truly going on in our neighbourhood and in our world. Most of us know at least one person who has ended their own life so it touches us all.
I wonder exactly how many men feel lost enough to consider suicide. There must be so many who contemplate it. It is a sad state of affairs when the world is not aware or does not care about these statistics. Yes, something needs to change.
We do not learn nor are we supported to express ourselves, and to share what is truly going on with us, how we deep down feel and how life affects us. It is crazy how many of us feel alone in a world of billions and where we often share the same worries and daunting thoughts about life. I agree we cannot ignore anymore that something is utterly wrong in the way we are living.
Every single one of us wants to be appreciated and loved for who we are. The fact that society runs on a myriad of imposed images of what both men and women ought to comply with in order to be even accepted is a devastation every one of us faces from young. For men this is doubly crippling since from early in they tend to be told to “man up” and that showing their sensitivity is not okay. The question is so apt. How many more friends, fathers, brothers, sons need to take their own lives before we wake up and realise there is seriously something not right.
This is a really important topic Samantha. It doesn’t make sense at all that we don’t discuss suicide or seriously look at Why so many people are wanting or choosing to end their lives each day… It’s a huge flag that something isn’t going quite right in society and the world, and instead of ignoring this we have a responsibility to address it.
These stats fall on deaf ears. The worst are not even reported! If the media really made the big deal that these stats deserve then they would not be liked one bit. Most do not want to know and many do not want to be open to having their comfortable lives rocked by these statistics. It is indeed a wake up call for us all. If we are feeling well and enjoying life, then is it not our responsibility to support and seek to act with addressing the root of why these conditions pervade our society. The time to act is now.
I had never considered the fact that far more men suicide than women. But it makes sense when I look at the suicides in my immediate family and circle of friends: my brother, a cousin, a work colleague and the son of a friend. There is definitely a deficit to be addressed here, the reason why men feel alienated and as though they do not belong.
As a woman I am well aware I have carried prejudices, attitudes, and expectations of how men ought to be based on the beliefs and values of our culture and my family throughout my life. As women we have a responsibility to find the root cause of these beliefs that put up barriers between the genders and encourage men to repeat the patterns in the attempt to live what we expect them to be for us. The more we claim ourselves our truly feminine qualities And let them be, the stillness, the delicacy, the tenderness, the more we allow the men to feel and claim and live those innate qualities in themselves.
It is such a sobering conversation to start, it is catastrophic the pain caused by a suicide and for that person to be so lost at that time to feel that is the solution is really often unbearable for those involved, so we don’t talk about it. I work with young boys in classrooms and have had the opportunity to speak with them about feeling sad and how it is ok to cry etc this always comes from them as a question one child shared – ‘why do I feel shame when I feel sad?’ and then the boys themselves answered it as to the pressure there is for them to be tough and then they openly admitted that they cried and that there was nothing wrong with it. We need to give our children lots of opportunities to speak of how they feel so they don’t feel alone with thoughts that are unhealthy and can be deadly.
Beautifully said Vanessa. These thoughts that are unhealthy are only big when we don’t support our young boys and men. Talking about them they know they are not facing them and life alone. Life lived from being open and building meaningful relationships with a determined focus on community, not judgement, allows us to face and see whatever challenges we have are small compared to who we truly are when we let ourselves be including crying when upset.
Every man in his essence is deeply tender and caring yet so often these qualities are not celebrated and are in turn viewed as being weak. This becomes very confusing for men who ultimately know deeply who they truly are but often feeling as though they can not express from their tenderness as society says otherwise.
‘Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49’ This is very telling of how we treat men is not working. men are not feeling supported by the society we have created.
Thank you for starting a much needed conversation, Samantha. ‘we are still accepting the stereotypical images of what a man should be and not allowing and accepting men as they are, for themselves’ – absolutely. I have witnessed many gorgeous boys really struggle through their transition from boyhood to manhood, along with all the ‘expectations’ that that seemingly brings. The pressure is enormous, but the most disturbing part by far is that fact that these beautiful tender boys and men are not being truly met for the treasures that they are.
Dear Samantha,
What you share here is a fundamental truth of society, we are all responsible. First and foremost for how we hold and support ourselves. Then how we hold and connect with others. I am seeing first hand the gift living connected is to others, it is truly remarkable watching another change as they feel the connection too. Could such a way of being be the counter to suicide? I believe that it is.
I had a conversation with a man today whose partner had just told him to ‘man up’ when he was experiencing pain after an operation. Whilst they laughed off the comment it was obvious that it had in fact affected the man in question. Words hurt and it is these sorts of comments that do not support men to truly express what is going on within them.
Words carry a lot behind them and by us even sinply starting with this awareness is a huge step. Really asking ourselves what else do our words say and being responsible for the quality we deliver our expression would allow less pressures to exist in our society.
Words are so powerful, they carry energy and can hit deeply; and yes we may laugh it off – but do we? Deep down often something gets hurt and often we try not to show it; and when this happens often, then things compound and then we wonder why the statistics are the way they are.
Connecting to people without judgement from experience not only provides the space for the mental but the physical health as well. And when the body is allowed to relax it’s like it (the body) and the mind have some breathing room away from all those imposed judgements and expectations. It feels amazing in myself and when being witness to such occurring in another. By choosing to understand why we judge and expect ourselves to be a certain way we feel that imposition and when we stop that it stops being put onto others as well. It is a sad state of affairs when these expectations are accepted and remain unchallenged when the fact is this way of living with ourselves and others is not working.
When we are expected to behave, live, work in any way that is in disconnection to who we truly are there is a degree of stress associated and this varies from person to person. If isolation is added to the pressure and there is no feeling of belonging, community or opportunity to express, then the stress is escalated. Men are constantly expected to be hard, to hide their feelings and to meet the expectations that society dictates is what being a ‘Man’ is. Thank you Samantha for raising this for discussion and for sharing the statistics of suicide, it is shocking to read them in print but it is a wake up call to each of us to reach out to those that feel isolated and longing for community.
Brilliantly said Samantha. We are used to rallying calls about rising disease rates, charity drives for cancer research and concerned debates about dietary effects, but there is all this time a great big elephant sat in the room. For what does it say about our emotional state, that we choose to take ourselves out of life, and what kind of community is it we live in, when we work with others day-to-day and then say we are shocked and surprised when they choose to take themselves away? Surely this points towards a great disconnection that is going on in the centre of our lives? Surely it is time we re-adjusted our outlook and reconsidered our priorities, for if we don’t have connection to ourselves and to others, what really is the work, entertainment, good deeds and leisure time worth?
You are so very correct when you say: “these statistics are indeed telling us that we, as a society, have got it very very wrong”. In fact even if one person commits suicide we have got it very wrong let alone the epidemic we are facing. Many people are also committing a slow suicide with their life style choices so the huge statistics are realistically growing exponentially.
There is such a narrow stereotype for men to follow that society deems as the way for men to be and it is rubbish. I can see the narrowness in men’s movements, in their stiff hips and how they protect themselves when talking to another. It is vitally important that we allow men to know that their true nature is valued and that they are loved for who they truly are.
‘How many more men need to die? How many more have committed suicide in the time you have read this blog?’ Just this question is a stop and wake up call. The statistics are shocking ‘Over 800,000 people die due to suicide every year and there are many more who attempt suicide. (2)’ Only yesterday a colleague was talking about mental health to me and said ‘when is mental health going to be treated as real as something like cancer?’. Not only this though it is 1. knowing the true root and cause of why we have mental illness and 2. having the absolute support for those that do experience this to help them turn this around and enable them to be the absolutely gorgeous person they truly are.
“Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49, eclipsing road accidents, cancer and coronary heart disease.” I read this with tears in my eyes feeling the deep devastation that our tender men a pushed to such end. True connection, recognition of our tender natures and consideration of the all, is the way we can bring change into the loveless systems, systems that do not support men, or humanity, to naturally be themselves.
Wow, what is happening in the world when these are the statistics. I know of men in my network of family and colleagues who have committed suicide and I bet I could safely say that everyone knows someone, or someone who knows someone who has taken their own life at a point where they have seen no other option or way out of their inner turmoil. This is a very important subject that we need to all be aware of and speaking about as this does not need to be the way.
So true Samantha all men and women want is to be loved for who they truly are as tender and loving beings. However there is much disconnection and isolation in our communities as we are focused on bettering our own individual lives and protecting our own families.
Men and women alike – everyone really wants just to be seen and met and loved for the love that they/we inherently are. Even by just addressing that men want to be seen and loved for who they are – by making the distinction on ‘men, it creates separation as we all want this. So lets include us all, bringing this to our awareness more and more so that we can start to make a difference in our daily lives in our interactions with others, be it men, women or children.
Thank you, Samantha. Your article made me stop and recount how many people I actually knew who committed suicide and all of them were men. They were all different in their nationality, age, life style, personality etc. – yet they came to the same decision in the end. At each occasion, everyone around them was left wondering why, and we were forced to admit how little we actually knew about them, how our ‘connection’ was shallow, and we felt powerless. The two quotes by Serge Benhayon you have shared here present something we as a society have yet to embrace, and offers a possibility that maybe there IS something we can do.
Thank you Samantha for highlighting the staggering statistics regarding male suicide – I for one had no idea it was that high. These figures alone show us that there is something seriously wrong with how we are living and relating to each other.
Great blog, Samantha, getting honest about the quiet desperation that untold numbers are living in day to day. These statistics are a ‘sign of the times’ we are in, and an urgent call back to the basics of responsibly caring for everyone in our communities.
These shocking statistics are a reflection of how ideals and beliefs of how men should be impact those who refuse to compromise their innately sensitive nature in a world that does not currently support this. We can no longer ignore this and every one of us can make a difference just by, as Samantha says, being willing to listen without judgement. When I first started working in mental health I was concerned about having conversations about whether someone felt suicidal in case that made them more likely to act on it. What I have realised is that for many young men they are not having these conversations with anyone else and are feeling increasingly desperate. Appropriate mental health support is sadly lacking for many but every one can be a compassionate listening ear and together we can start to challenge the current norms that have led to this situation.
‘Just for starters, we need to look at all the systems we have in place – the education system, the legal system, the healthcare system – and look to why there is not a fundamental level of deep compassionate care at the very heart of their strategies, policies and procedures.’ I work in the education system. I know for a fact many individual teachers do have compassion and care as their foundation in the classroom, however the system has become very driven and its now all about targets and looking good in the league table.
These statistics are horrific and expose clearly how society is getting it wrong, how the focus on achievement – to something or someone – is not the answer to fulfillment. It is time to recognise the answer lies in the acknowledgement of men’s true nature – tenderness – and a huge step towards that is to widely publicise and talk about suicide.
The way the education system currently operates and seems to be heading is depressing. When I speak to parents everyone feels the same about the extraordinary amount of pressure on young children to ‘tick boxes’ and ‘get results’ rather than it being about the child and each individual young persons needs. Yes, education is very important and the teachers do an extraordinary and vastly undervalued job but the pressures on them and those going through the system is intense. This system then amplifies at senior level and young children are left feeling they have no option other than to take drastic measures, with statistics such as drug use, alcohol use and self harming on the rise. This is not to blame the education system as the desperation felt in young people comes from a world that is telling them to be something they are not, a message being fed to them every which way they turn. Education is just one part of the jigsaw which is going further and further away from what is truly needed to support our young children to ‘succeed’ in the world.
Thank you for writing this article Samantha. The statistics are shocking. It is clear the way we are living is not working. ‘These men are our brothers, fathers, sons. They are our community.’
For sensitive people the world is a very hard place to be in. There is too much going on. There are way too many reasons to retrenche and withdraw from life. The problem is when you identify life with what you are able to grasp only through your five senses and you feel you do not belong in there. When you see yourself in such a prison, it is very difficult to even conceive that there is an amazing beauty beyond the walls you hace acceptd as the limit. What the esoteric work has helped me is to always know that we do belong to the Universe and that feeling it is the most extraordinary feeling that is also the most ordinary one.
I agree Sam, there is not enough investigation into suicide. It’s not a random phenomena there is a fully fledged reason why it happens so often, and I agree that there shouldn’t be a stone left unturned until we find out the true cause for someone needing to end their life, and how we can support people to flourish.
There is just not enough support out there for people who need it, but we as men may be too proud or something to actually ask for it anyway even if it was there, so we let the old pressure cooker keep building up until something has to give. It is just so sad that people see suicide as the only way out of their problems when many of them could be solved by us all being more open to caring about each other and being less out for ourselves.
Our greatest battle we will ever fight is with ourselves, are we just crushed by the size and weight of the wall we have built when it falls on us?
Samantha, until reading your article I had not realised what high levels of suicide there were, I had thought it was very rare as it is something that is never really spoke about or in the media, this is shocking and yes needs to be talked about, I absolutely agree with this, ‘Is it because there is a deep, deep sensitivity in men that society just doesn’t allow for?’
This topic is sidelined and ignored…it’s great that you have started the conversation Samantha. Even reading your blog it’s hard to take in the statistics and make it real. We have definitely got it wrong down the line by creating expectations that men need to be a certain way… a way that is not true to the tenderness men naturally are.
It has always been pounded into us men that to be a man we must be hard. When we do feel our tenderness, the contrast between how we feel and what the world expects from us plants the seed of confusion within us. We hide from the world behind our wall that we have built. I have personally known to many men that kept the hard veneer for the world to see and then quietly slipped away. By allowing ourselves to embody the tenderness we are and expressing it openly, we become a reflection for others that there is another way to be a man.
A beautifully written powerful and compassionate blog about your experiences with ‘Toby’. You write with such and care for ‘Toby’ and humanity (our brothers and sisters) it is hugely inspiring to read. Sadly, in my life I have known of many young people who have died prematurely and it is incredibly shocking that almost all of them committed suicide. These young people, had lots of friends and seemingly ‘successful’ lives, they were deemed as perhaps ‘having it all’ and yet, each one of them ended their lives prematurely out of desperation. Suicide effects not just those with mental health disorders but those who’s lives look like there is nothing wrong from the outside. How have we got to a place where our friends or family members can be suffering mentally and we aren’t fully aware of it? Or that we are so ill equipped to sense the severity and do something about it? Or that the support is just not there as the NHS and other resources are so immensely over stretched?
In raising my two sons, I have had first hand experience of what those pressures are that seem to just rise up and seek to squash all the delicacy out of boys right from the start. There is a huge amount of idealised thinking that comes crushing down upon boys about who they should be and how they should act. However, what I have discovered, is that by not accepting this in my home, by only accepting the truth of who they are and nothing less, they are growing in to these beautifully sensitive self-assured young men, who have no to very little need for pleasing the ideals and for changing themselves to accommodate societies rules about who or what men should be. They seem to be content with themselves, deeply loving and caring and willing to express this at any moment. So, does the change that we want to see in our communities and in society in general, start at home with our relationships with eachother?
There are so many tensions in the world today and added to this is the pressure so many impose on themselves to fit into the picture of how they think they should fit in. We should all honour and nurture our boys and men for the truly tender beings they are and treasure our girls and young women for the precious, delicate women they are.
I have worked on help lines for young people in distress and feeling suicidal. Mental ill-health is one of the most mis-understood and neglected of all ill-health conditions. As society we are slow to recognise its symptoms and often don’t know how to respond when we do. There is so much stigma attached to mental illness that often and within families it remains hidden and left undiagnosed. We need more public awareness programmes and support for young people and their families.
You ask a very pertinent question Samantha – “Is it not time as a society for us to listen to what is really going on?” I have known a few people now who have suicided. The support for the depressed and lonely is minimal in the care system. Society is falling apart and many just seem to want to numb themselves further. It is time for us all to wake up and face reality.
We all have our part to play in not meeting men for who they truly are. The world does not have time for sensitivity and tenderness and there are many young men struggling to cope and know who they truly are and how to live in a world that does not meet them in their sensitivity. The statistics you show Samantha offer us a reflection that there is something very wrong with the world when suicide is increasing at such an alarming rate.
Samantha the statistics you share need to be more publicly viewed. Suicides often happen in silence with only immediate family and friends left to deal with the devastation caused. I have observed something recently that some women choose to live in a way that triggers and solidifies for example a mental health condition like depression. Their lack of energy and interest in life suggests they have given up on life. They may not actively choose to commit suicide but are choosing to end their life sooner rather than later. There is a belief out there that says ‘ Rather die doing what I know and is familiar rather than change the way I live my life’
The thing with statistics is that I hear them read them etc but not really stop and consider what they truly mean. If I do I cannot escape feeling that life as it is today is indeed not working for us all. Suicide is not something that is just happening, neither is any other form of illness and disease, it is a call out to the world and all of us that something needs to change. Statistics are people and that is what we need to start to feel and see to make a true change. Thank you for sharing this Samantha.
There is so much gold living and breathing in every one of us, so its such a waste when that gold gets isolated, unused and disconnected from everyone who needs to share it. We are more as a society when we gather all the nuggets up, and the loss of even one nugget is a travesty to be pondered on, and not swept under the carpet.
Very informative blog in regards to the number of men who suicide each year and I agree the question needs to be asked as to what can we do as a community to support these men before they get that desperate that they choose to take their own life.
Samantha what a powerful article. As you say “No longer can we give up and brush statistics like these aside, as these men are our brothers, fathers, sons.”. Mental Health is a very stigmatised condition and something that many avoid dealing with. We talk about community yet in many communities we avoid the very connections that can bring true change and build trust again. When I compare my experience of the connections and communities in Vietnam to the UK it is clear that we have lost what family and relationships are truly about.
Samantha, you are quite right. When men don’t know how to be hard and tough or if their particular subculture isn’t working for them any more, there is often nowhere to go.
Yes, Christoph, there is such a lack of guidance for young men about how to be themselves in the world.
So true, and what the media offers is anything but supportive of their true development and growing into responsible and caring tender men that they inherently all are.
Suicide is not possible in connection. To me these alarming and sad statistics are a reflection of the lack of connection in our societies.
Felix, if this is the case and we know that using screens is a form of disconnection then what are we doing allowing children more and more time in front of screens, be it social media, television or computer gaming? I read on the news recently that the recommended viewing time for television of children under the age of 2 has been increased, giving parents a false sense that television is of no harm.
We all have a part to play in creating a world where men are allowed to just be themselves, to not have to play the tough macho, everything for everyone guy., where they would be allowed to express their natural innate tenderness and sensitivity. Women can put many expectations, pictures and impositions upon men just as we may do with ourselves, but not once has this ever supported a man to open up and express all of this tenderness he holds inside.
Thank you Samantha for raising our awareness how every detail counts and how we cannot allow our business to override what the true impulses are and how simple connection can support people around us and not to forget about the sensitivity of men when relating to them.
It is important that we start the conversation on suicide, especially why it is that it is the greatest killer in men in the age between 20 and 49. What you share here is for me now a truth, we men are prescious, delicate tender beings, eqaul to women but are told from young to be rough and tough, and that boys don’t cry. Do we ever consider what the impact is of this way of upbringing adn how we have organised our education system? We need to start to talk about this in this way because only then we will come to the truth, the root cause of this devastating situation in our societies.
Thank you Samantha for sharing, your blog is very much needed. The more we become aware of our current state of health, physically and mentally this will perhaps inspire people to stop and ask these very fundament questions you’ve raised. And also, how are we living, treating ourselves and each other? Why is the rate of suicide so high? It is a huge concern and something is desperately missing in our society. We are a growing society that is celebrating disconnection more and more instead of true connection. Reading your blog highlights to me how important it is to connect to ourselves, to people and work together to support each other instead of competing, fostering jealousy, hatred, anger and disharmony. Everyone matters and we are all deeply connected to each other, more so than we think. This is a powerful blog reminding us to respect and live who we are. We can choose to celebrate our true selves, each other, our delicateness and tenderness in both men and women.
Thank you Samantha for beginning this vitality needed conversation. I know that people often wonder what they, just one voice, can do to make a difference but as you say so succinctly; “We are all responsible for saying no to loveless, empty systems and no to a society that dictates how a man should be”, so let’s begin to say no to the way boys are raised to be men who bury their innate tenderness under a hard exterior so they can be accepted in this world.
Thank you Samantha. These statistics are horrifying but not surprising as men face intense pressure to deny their sensitivity from the moment they enter the world (or even before). We cannot pretend the problem is ‘out there’ we are all affected by this issue. If we take responsibility for our part in the dysfunctional systems we currently have we can find a way to arrest this cycle together.
A great blog that really highlights impact that suicide has on families and society. Every time someone suicides it is devastating to all around, because there is so much preciousness in each and every life, and every relationship and to look at a society that values the success of some while others are struggling is alarming.
That was an a very much needed article Samantha, it brings home the fact that society has to encourage men to express from their true tenderness and sensitivity.
An astoundingly beautiful, compassionate and powerful blog, Samantha. A call to all of us to really sit up and take notice of the lives around us and how we are connecting with them. You ask the big questions that need to be thoroughly addressed by all systems, by all people. It’s disgraceful that it has come to this state when we are all so naturally warm and tender human beings. Why let anything get in the way of that?
What we get to see so obviously right now, when we choose to look in that direction, is the consequence of the ideal men are put under by society and themselves. It is deeply saddening to hear the statistics. And feeling that it is the way that we choose to live in is killing us men, it brings a deeper responsibility to me to live more of the tender and sensitive man I know myself to be as that reflection is so desperately needed.
‘Suicide is the biggest killer of men between 20 and 49..” that was shocking to read I had no idea Samantha. How very sad when these young men are so lost that they see no other way but to take their own lives. It’s true we need to not only speak out but look to how men are expected and conditioned from when they are very young to not feel hurt, ‘to toughen up’ to put on a brave front, to not show their feelings and to be competitive and in so doing we are telling them to shut out their natural tender, gentle and sensitive qualities and they lose sight of who they truly are. We need to be nurturing these qualities instead of suppressing them.
There are many who would disagree with Samantha and say things are not that bad, yet I feel that is due to what we have accepted as normal. We have a long way to go in changing how we view men in particular, and stop the crazy drive to compete and compare as men and live up to the stereotypes of being tough. Accepting men are gentle and have feelings would be a great first step toward better mental health. And then finding way to support men to actually express feelings would be the next one.
I wholeheartedly agree with you Stephen, until we change the views of what men should be that is everything we are not naturally like being tender, gentle and loving these numbers are sure to rise.
The bar for the so called ‘normal’ seems to be continuously dropping. Yet what I see and feel in society feels very far from normal and natural. Our ‘common’ has been replaced with this term normal. And the trouble with that is then the common becomes the reflection and the ok place to be at because the extremities of life keep dropping. However for every force there is an exact opposite – and this is obviously reflected in many around the world who choose to live in a supportive and loving way in life. People like Serge Benhayon and many of the Universal Medicine students now very much living opposite to the common and what I would call ‘normal and natural’ and so are reflecting the possibility of what can be lived in today’s society.
Samantha this is a topic at the fore front of my mind at the moment after hearing of the suicide of a young teen in my area recently. I see and hear the impact that it has on the others left behind. The school friends , siblings and especially parents and grandparents. This to me shows that we need to discuss what life is about and why we are here on this Earth, and take the pressure off these young people who often see life as pointless! It seems we are afraid to speak the truth that may inspire us all anew. Speaking out is food for thought! LOVE is the answer.
True loving connection is the opposite of depression in the body, so we have the information…. now to bring it into our livingness.
This is absolutely true – it is time that we allow men to be men, meet them for who they truly are and
encourage and allow their expression of deep sensitivity and tenderness from young to old.
Samantha – A powerful and much needed topic of discussion – the suicide statistics are shocking, to say the least and this alone should be a huge red flag of alert that we are living in a most unnatural way and far from the Universal Laws we could be choosing to live by.
“These statistics are indeed telling us that we, as a society, have got it very very wrong”.
Thank you Samantha, suicide is a major problem and the fact that so many men are making this an option demonstrates that we as a society are not making everything about people first. The lovelessness is rife and this needs to be addressed within ourselves first and foremost so that we can be there for others in a real way.
Great point Kathleen, we are not making life about people first. We make it about work but not how we are in work and the people we work with. We have relationships but we don’t make it about how we are with each other in the relationships. Everything in life is geared towards the doing and not the being.
Until a certain age or stage of development is reached, male infants / very young children are often indistinguishable from their female counterparts. Both are delicate, tender and expressive in similar ways – until we as individuals and society as a whole start to impose our ideals and beliefs on them, such as boys are tough, men don’t cry and so on. If we left boys alone to be who they are, we might have far less of the anguish that can lead to suicide.
Victoria so true. I have observed how young boys at the tender age of 7 or 8 are pushed into team and competitive sports like rugby, football, cricket, squash, tennis without ever considering the impact long-term of these activities on their children. There seems to be a dis-connect: parents unable to discern the energy behind sports, but instead hold firmly to the belief that it is good for the child. As you say ‘If we left boys alone to be who they are, we might have far less of the anguish that can lead to suicide. And if not suicide, there may be far fewer young men struggling to find themselves and often developing mental ill-health conditions.
Saying no to our loveless, empty systems… It’s funny, but when we consider systems are comprised of and formed by people for people – who all presumably want the same things, such as connection, love and support – we have to wonder how this state of affairs came to be. Is it because we moved away from the concept of community to a world where efficiency and process is king, where profit and mission come before people? If so, we need to radically reorient the way we do things.
Samantha, this is heart-felt beautiful call for us all to wake up to the desperation that is occurring every day, so many moments in the day by so many men who feel deeply un-met in today’s society. As you say, we skirt around the topic of suicide and we skirt around the root causes. Meanwhile beautiful sensitive men continue to take their lives because they don’t feel it is worth being lived.
Thank you for writing this Samantha, these are sobering statistics. That so many young men are taking their lives as a way out is tragic. It is a clarion call for us to be looking at the deeper core issues and disconnection that is amongst us.
Who does not want to be loved for who we truly are?
Victoria the statistics are shocking and so is the ripple effect. This is not new but it is on the rise. I remember feeling really disconnected and depressed at times, thoughts of suicide would jump into my head and whilst I knew I would never do that I didn’t really know how to come out of that cycle until I started to take deeply loving care of myself and build relationships that were based on true connections. I have no doubt we could change these statistics by getting together and working on bringing true connections to relationships from school, home, work and beyond.
It is a clarion call Victoria, I agree, we do need to be talking about suicide and why this is happening. To be honest just one person suiciding is not OK. Anyone that kills themselves due to finding life too difficult to deal with is devastating.
When looking at figures like these, it is clear there is much to be addressed in the way we are living and approaching life. It’s asking us to look at the bigger picture and make adjustments on a grander scale than just looking for solutions (that we simply don’t have).
Growing up I don’t recall really hearing about suicide or knowing anyone who had suicided. Now, in one month I heard of three men suiciding, that I know their families and/or friends. And seeing friends of friends sharing on social media about a friend or a family member who has suicided. As you say Samantha, it affects so many, of course family and friends but also work colleagues, the local shop that they always went to, the school and community they live in, sporting group etc. I hear young boys say to each other ‘just go kill yourself’, as if they’re saying go and play soccer. We have become so desensitised especially if it’s not happening in our own backyard. Connection and understanding needs to be brought into all their relationships, with people we just meet for one minute or that we live with every day. We are all craving connection and being intimate and open with others. Thank you Samantha for bringing understanding to this topic.
“No longer can we give up and brush statistics like these aside, as these men are our brothers, fathers, sons. They are our community.” Samantha, I hear your call that we are in fact all one. What happens to one of us, happens to all of us.
These statistics are alarming but a must read on how desperate things have got for many men that they feel this is their only option. This blog is a great opportunity to bring this topic to the forefront.
A noble conversation starter Samantha, thankyou. In my life I have had three close friends of mine take their own lives, all of these young men. Particularly, they were very sensitive and delicate men that felt displaced in the world and had let their pain and seeming isolation from others overwhelm them. All three of these men began ‘self medicating’ using drugs and alcohol to alleviate the pain they could find no other escape from. So when I hear the words spoken by Serge Benhayon: “All men want to be loved for who they truly are”, I immediately feel the responsibility we all have to not blindly accept the image of a man we have been fed to believe is the ‘real man’, but is in-truth a lie, and instead honour the innate delicateness and sensitivity that all man have but hide because it is seen a ‘wussy’ or weak. True power is found in our ability to see and feel everything. Therefore, such sensitivity is far sexier than the layers of protection (excess muscle and brawn) that are used to hide this.
Thank you Samantha. You have touched on perhaps the most fundamental aspect that we as human beings have fostered and that is that we are somehow ‘broken’ or ‘inadequate, particularly as men. As a society (speaking generally) we championed that the key to life is on the outside, in achievements and having a particular persona etc. In doing so we have forfeited the truth that each of us holds within, the well of love and ‘enoughness’ that we seek on the outside and this is ‘killing us’!
Thank-you Samantha for sharing about this topic, it is a much needed one indeed. I have been affected with suicide in my life by knowing one person who succeeded and someone very close to me that tried on several occasions and almost succeeded except he was found by a couple in his car while they were walking. This was many years ago and I remember feeling helpless to help them and so resorted to not even mentioning it for fear of upsetting them or something. If we were much more transparent and talked about things in an open and truly caring way with each other all of the time, perhaps we could stop as many unnecessary suicides through them feeling life was just not worth being a part of and that there is no true support.
” If we were much more transparent and talked about things in an open and truly caring way with each other all of the time”. Yes Julie there is an absolute need to talk openly and sincerely with each other. Three people in my life committed suicide and still the taboo exists. One is left with incomprehension, void and a wall of silence that helps no one.
Thank you Samantha, an always important topic for community discussion and deeper pondering. I say community because it affects us all very deeply when someone takes their own life. Those numbers you have quoted are extraordinary but really 1 person choosing to suicide is way too may.
I agree. For one person to get to that given up point that they can not see another way – is way too much.
It’s true, we all need to take more care with people, and realise every single time we take a moment to connect we give another person the chance to see there is connection available to them- the feeling of being connected to is so longed for in this world, and hurts deeply for those who chronically live without.
The statistics for male suicides are horrific in NZ as well. Sensitive, caring young men often do not feel that they fit into our society and can be made to feel “different”.Some young men can live with this “difference and go on to be great reflections for others but there are many who struggle and feel to end it all. Many of our systems need to change but also our style of parenting. As a parent we often don’t want our children to be different either and will encourage boys to be tough, play sport, win, not cry etc etc. There are too many ideals and beliefs around children that we are consciously or unconsciously subscribing to.
Doesn’t it show that these conscious and unconscious beliefs that society is constantly placing on us – just aren’t working and are not part of our true nature. They are actually causing a huge tension that has resulted in many taking their own lives from it simply all being too much. We must remember that it is us that make up society and have contributed to this end – however the change and support also starts with us and can make all the difference.