Almost a year ago, as I write this, I split up with my girlfriend of nearly 2 years. Prior to that we had been friends for 3 years, getting to know one another. During our nearly 2 years together as a couple, we had plenty of amazing times: road-trips across Europe, her visiting me in Australia whilst I was doing an internship in Sydney, my spending days in Amsterdam with her during her placement year and naturally numerous wonderful dinners, walks and musings across London Town, where we lived together.
When the time comes in any type of relationship for it to change or move on, we can get hurt, build bitterness, experience resentment or even go as far as taking revenge, particularly when the relationship is romantic – something most would say we hold as being very precious to us. As a 21 year old man, I have seen too many of these instances to count, all the way from primary school till now, with school friends, colleagues, relatives, people in my life in general and even what comes up on social media where it’s as if there’s a rule that where there is a break up, there is a drama. Insulting names get hurled around, accusations, blame, fury, rage, friends/families split sides, so called ‘evidence’ ends up being posted online and what not.
What’s interesting for me was that for many years, this was all I saw, so this was part of the package, i.e. ‘normal.’ When my first girlfriend and I broke up, it was arms up in the air ready to blame, shoot threats, lie about her/the circumstances/events and at the same time do everything to get back with her (seems crazy I know!).
I had the same experience with my second girlfriend. I made it clear that there was no contact to be made, let alone friendship to be had. I made the same clear to all her friends, some of whom with I used to have lovely, close relationships. All that just because they were involved with her and part of her life in one way or another. Seems mad when I look back now at how many wonderful human beings we can cut off from our lives just because of one hurt, allegedly from that one person. I say allegedly deliberately, because life experience has shown me that we get hurt by ourselves, not by others.
For me to look back at this and see the unfounded behaviour with clear eyesight as I do now, may make you wonder if I have had some sort of a wake-up call or a revelation as to the fact that this was not the way I knew we should respond when our relationships came to an end.
So, if you are wondering – the reply is a resounding Yes.
This moment came when I travelled to the little town of Hoi An on the East coast of Vietnam. It was there that I was invited to be part of a family dinner with Serge Benhayon and his household and had the most magical dinner that would completely transform my perspective on relationships. The dinner was full of the freshest fish, greenest veggies and most delicious desserts. However, it was not the food that would hallmark this assemblage for me: it was the interactions instead.
Gathered around the table were Serge Benhayon, three of his four children, Miranda Benhayon (Serge’s wife) and Deborah Benhayon (Serge’s ex-wife). The very scenario of a current and an ex-wife sitting at the same dinner table could well be (and I’m sure has been) the basis of some comedy sketches. However, in this instance it was more of a parable than a comedy, although there was plenty of hearty laughter at the table too.
What I witnessed at that dinner table was beyond what I could even take in at the time. Here was a family who by all laws of societal norms should have had a great big division sign down the middle with children choosing sides and their favourites, wife and ex-wife bickering, hostility, disparaging remarks towards the husband from the ex-wife, jealousy, comparison, envy… the list goes on and on. This family however was clearly bucking the trend. This is a family where it didn’t matter what their titles were within the family unit – mother/daughter/ex/present/father/sister… irrespective of all the circumstances, there was not an ounce of undertone in the conversation, not a sliver of jealousy, nor looking down or up at any other member. To see that this was possible, let alone a reality lived with such ease, was a mind-blowing experience for me.
So, what was my take away from this dinner? And no, it wasn’t the left-over fish or the most amazing desserts – those I managed to polish off there and then. My take away takes us back to the beginning of this blog and to my most recent girlfriend.
The process of the romantic side of our relationship coming to an end took a few months and many heart to heart conversations. At times we stumbled across a few challenges and frustrations, yet we never completely abandoned our sense of humour, or the knowing that we were merely learners and teachers of our own life stage. We continued to live as a family, sharing meals together and supporting each other where and when needed.
Even after we both agreed the time had come for the romantic side of our relationship to end, which included physical intimacy, we carried on living together for the next 8 months. I worked on holding nothing against her and to continue to love her as a friend. We went on weekend trips together, shared conversations and cooked for each other. During this time people around us gradually became aware that we were no longer ‘together’ but still living together, and some of the remarks I heard during conversations made me stop and consider how rare our situation actually was. How rare it is to continue to love one another, when the access to bed chambers has been closed off. Remarks that came were: “She’s still living with you? Doesn’t she have her own family?” and “That’s so weird!” “Must be very tense?!”
I couldn’t help but appreciate the role models in Serge Benhayon and his family and how they had inspired me at a very young age (I was 13 on that trip to Vietnam) to take the same/similar steps years later and to walk through the whole process of my own separation from a girlfriend with greater ease, dignity and LOVE. Based on what I have seen in society, it is blatantly obvious it would have been much more ‘normal’ and socially accepted to go the usual route of hurt and all that accompanies it: resentment, bitterness, blame.
Thank you Serge, and thank you to the entire Benhayon family for showing me that we are all human beings, that we are all forever learning and that we are all deserving of nothing but Love.
Published with permission from the Benhayon family and my ex-girlfriend.
By Michael Brown, Maths Student and Manager in Retail
Further Reading:
End of a Relationship and the Expression of Love
What is the Science of Appreciation and how does it evolve all of our relationships?
Relationships are about evolving – the key to making relationships work
360 Comments
What is presented here is the possibility that we can have a loving relationship with someone always no matter if we are romantically involved or not. And that we can continue to respect each other no matter the circumstances. Very beautiful and sets a new way forward.
How gorgeous to live with such a death of love and honouring of one another that even if our past hurts are triggered by a change, we have the foundation to continue loving, cherishing and supporting one another.
The resentment and blame game is such a cop out to not want to truly take our own part in the relationship. Taking responsibility for most is too challenging because when we do we have to feel the impact of our choices and how they have hurt and disrespected the other person.
Love is love and there is zero hurt. Any hurt felt is what we came here with, it cannot be given to us by another and every relationship is offering us an opportunity to understand this deeper and hence to return to the Truth of us. This bridging process of returning back to love, the us that we miss, is very precious.
I’d rather break up in and with the transparency of love than not and be in something, a relationship, that was just a veneer.
Yes it is super important to have true role models so we know that there is a different and more loving way to go about life. As at the moment we are surrounded by so much that is not loving in society that it is easy to let go of what we feel is true. Confirmation by these great role models is what is needed to be able to break free from the mould and live how we feel in our heart is possible.
Absolutely agree great role models are needed so we don’t feel we are alone and that there is another way to live which is full of truth and love.
Having been someone who was never very good at ending relationships in a loving way, I deeply appreciate the example we have in the Benhayon family and in people like you Michael, who have made the effort to part with grace and love. Not always easy, as it requires us to take responsibility for the pain we feel and our part in the whole scenario, but as you have proven there is a loving way to move through it that honors both and expands our love rather than diminishing each other in the process.
Break up with love and there’s more than there was before, break up with hate and all are left with less.
Yes, Michael, if we allow our innately loving nature to remain part of the equation, any interaction, conversation or even a break-up can be evolving.
Break up with love allows both parties to evolve with a true understanding of relationship and gives space to deepen within oneself.
What you shared is beautiful. In my personal experience I have realized that what is possible and not possible is absolutely not a mental thing we can convince ourselves of. It is though an absolute body situation. When my body was surrendered and opened, the truth it knows is only love and connection, despite who the other person is or what we have experienced with them, it cannot change the fact that our bodies know connection and when there is no judgment we only want to be close. What you are saying in Truth is the relationship you have built and deepened with yourself allowed this to happen through the very simple connection with your body. This is inspiring and life-changing.
‘What is possible and not possible is absolutely not a mental thing we can convince ourselves of.’ So true. It is a body thing: we always know deep down whether we are being true to ourselves or not, and whether we are operating within the realms of our body’s limits, and not the minds – and then we deal with the consequences when we are not.
I have observed how initially many breakups in relationships do actually begin with an equal understanding and honesty, but then an outside influence starts to creep in and either one or both parties can be pulled in to a vicious web of hatred and betrayal of that once very precious intimacy that was mutually shared.
That’s a great observation Shami of how we can get influenced by others and not stay true to ourselves.
Shami I have too observed that, this is often the case when both are not held with the love and respect that they deserve. When the space and understanding is not given then other things can creep in and cause a disturbance.
Re-writing some rules that have been made ‘normal’ by our lazy acceptance of them, this is a brilliant testimony to holding ourselves and each other with respect, care and ‘deserving of nothing but love’.
It is a deeper level of understanding and holding of each other with that level of respect, that allows the depth of love to be felt.
The Benhayon family for me are a microcosm of how humanity could be: a depth of love beyond anything I have ever come across, an honouring of every single person at the deepest level, a dedication to living at the truest level which ends up ensuring that everything flows in perfect harmony for all, a level of inclusivity that embraces everyone else equally also, and a depth of purpose that embraces the whole of humanity – and wow you can just feel the power and magic pulsating from such relationships. Could not get better role models for starting to know and live our full expression.
So true, Golnaz. The Benhayon family are living heaven on earth…..not in any airy fairy sense of the word, but in the sense of how we all are capable of living without the imposed ideals and beliefs, hurts, slights, pain, anger, lies, and lovelessness. The Benhayon’s reflect back to us a way of living that we are all returning to whether we take the long and winding road of return or not.
Yes, Michael. I am enjoying a deepening friendship with my ex-husband which feels really honouring of us both, and we can now reap the benefits of having known each other so long in terms of sensing how to offer support to one another.
Janet that is beautiful to see that there are relationships out there reflecting that it is possible to still have a loving relationship with your ex husband and still live your life in fullness.
I have never experienced living with someone close to me after a break up for a long time…temporarily yes but I was not aware of the healing that is possible by not closing your heart then.
But since then in following the guidance of my body it seems true that the heart forever just wants to be open and that is the state I would like to be with people, no matter what our experiences have been.
I must admit the thought that it is possible to break up with someone and still have them close by in your life without any jealousy or hurt getting in the way feels very challenging to me but I can see from reading this blog that it is possible to do this.
It’s our normal to create dramas, lie and do all of the crazy things you’ve mentioned in the blog Michael, yet we all know deep inside that this is not normal, it is not our innate way of being and that we can handle a relationship break-up in a different way.
“Thank you Serge, and thank you to the entire Benhayon family for showing me that we are all human beings, that we are all forever learning and that we are all deserving of nothing but Love.” Hear, hear as indeed the Benhayon family are an inspiration for the whole of humanity.
A relationship breakdown needn’t mean we cut someone out of our lives completely and it is great to have role models who can show us how to stay open with love in our hearts
Crazy how it’s considered normal to hold resentment, bitterness, heartache and rage when ‘seperating’ from another.
Real love never leaves us, it may just be presented to us in a different way.
The Benhayon family are inspiring so many people around the world to buck the trend – keep up the amazing work Michael.
Haha thanks Sarah, and it’s true! I know many more just like myself who have gone against the grain so to speak and are living a far grander life (in terms of contentment not necessarily materialistically) as a result.
It makes so much sense to honour the fact that a change in the way the parties in the relationship relate to life, could lead to a place where the most harmonious and empowering choice is to change the form of the relationship. This however does not mean any less love, care and support between the people.
Pondering on this, if after a relationship ends we ‘get hurt, build bitterness, experience resentment or even go as far as taking revenge’ it begs the question what was the relationship built on in the first place as surely if a relationship was just built on love, including the love we have and hold ourselves in then, if it ended, there would be zero room for hurt, bitterness, resentment etc. We have a lot to learn when it comes to relationships both with ourselves and others.
What is so beautifully highlighted here is how our relationships offer us the continual opportunity to evolve, to heal and deepen our relationship with love so that we can support and inspire ourselves and each other to freely live the power of all that we are in essence.
And in that, I have found that it is the times that seem the rockiest, there is the biggest opportunity for both to advance to the next level of relationship in all aspects of our lives.
There is nothing you are breaking up when it’s about Love more like stopping something that didn’t belong any longer that was not of love or just an expansion and evolution that you are honouring.
I feel this too Natalie – it becomes something which changes in terms of what is called for if based on true love but the love it self remains the basis for whatever is next, just as it has been for what has already been.
I have noticed that ending a relationship lovingly is a reality that is becoming more common amongst those who study Universal Medicine. In fact these days my default expectation when I hear that two people have decided to call it a day is that they conclude the relationship with grace, compassion and respect. There are of course bumpy bits, but none of the usual fighting, eliciting sides or playing victim seems to surface when both parties are more than ready to take responsibility for them selves.
I have always wondered how much real love there was in the first place when people can behave so badly towards each other after they break up. I have been guilty of this too in the past, so it has been through great role models and hindsight that I can see that love is love, whether you are in a romantic relationship or not. I have found it very revealing to ask how true the love was when I am no longer getting what I wanted from the relationship.
In our lives our relationships will never stop, they will continue to adapt and adjust according to the level of depth each is willing to unfold into.
Yes so true Michael and it is always very fascinating what there is for us to explore with every constellation we find ourselves in, as it always involves the opportunity to deepen and live with a greater connection to our Soul.
The Benhayon family are to me, and obviously to you, one of the most powerful reflections of what true family is and what true relationships are. Society seems to promote that any break up in a relationship is a potential battle ground with people taking sides and all sorts of fighting and accusatory words thrown from one side to the other. To me, making it a battle not an opportunity to form a potentially more loving relationship is one opportunity not to be squandered, after all we are in truth, one big global family.
No true relationship will end, only change how it is expressed or lived, the quality remains the same.
Absolutely and when we are open to the purpose of each relationship then we can move on without rancour retaining love for the other person and the understanding that they were in our lives for a reason and celebrate that and the expansion we have been offered.
This is an interesting way to look at life. “…knowing that we were merely learners and teachers of our own life stage.” how can we be hard on ourselves or each other when we choose to see that we are all here to learn and teach….there can be no right or wrong but a progression and deepening of wisdom. If we choose it.
Being in a relationship, rather than not being in a relationship is just one example of a million different scenarios that we think we want, when in fact it’s often the situations that we peddle furiously to avoid that actually bring us the most evolution. Much to our detriment we continually keep choosing comfort over evolution.
Love it – “when in fact it’s often the situations that we peddle furiously to avoid that actually bring us the most evolution”. So true Alexis. Very often our greatest learning is in those bumpy, uncomfortable situations that force us to dig deeper and connect to the real purpose of life, to bring love to all situations. Cruising through life avoiding all the areas of life that call for commitment, responsibility and looking at our ‘stuff’ has zero contribution to our true evolution.
The question is how loving have we been? If there has been lack of love during the relationship, then likely this will be also reflected in the break up. But if there has been the commitment to be caring, loving and honest, when it is clear it is time to part, the foundation carries on.
Unbelievable now as you say, but it is very easy to fall into the trap of shutting out a swathe of friends because of a hurt, or an injustice. The openness and ease of communication and understanding you had, and continue to have with your ex-girlfriend, is testament that we do not need to let hurts fester, rule or influence our lives and relationships.
A healthy break-up is actually a break open – the opening of space for truth to breath and expand, hence a rather joyful and confirming experience for oneself and with each other.
Yes it is an expansion and moving on for all concerned and never a separation.
A beautiful way to regard the ending of a relationship, as an opportunity for more truth to be expressed, graciously so that empowers both people to positively grow and expand from the experience. Michael’s example here proves that this is not just a pipe dream but a reality that we can all achieve by taking full responsibility for all we feel, say and do.
Very cool, love this sentence….expansive indeed. Yes when we turn to truth and chose it we open up.
Much better to break up with love, than to break down in any arrangement that contains none of love’s quality.
So true Zofia. Better to break up with Love than bump along in an arrangement, burying all that does not feel true in favour of the little pay offs we accept. Whatever we do in Love simply makes more Love, together or apart.
True family is about initiating and evolution and never about a pace where it is allowed to have abusive relationships.
The energetic truth will always reveal the root cause and the truth of every situation.
“Thank you Serge, and thank you to the entire Benhayon family for showing me that we are all human beings, that we are all forever learning and that we are all deserving of nothing but Love.” Isn’t this the most amazing gift anyone could give or receive…
Yes, Serge Benhayon and the whole Benhayon family, are definitely the gift that keeps on giving. When you think you’ve received all that there is, there is always more coming your way. The question we need to ask ourselves regularly is – are we really appreciating this never-ending and most price-less gift, one that is not just for us, but for all?
Because we are all constantly being reflected who we are not, we have totally lost sight of who we all are.
Yes, it is completely crazy isn’t it and then when someone comes along and reflects the awesomeness of who we truly are they get vilified!
The strange thing is that not remaining loving after a relationship changes is actually the painful part but it also exposes that the relationship itself may not have been based on true love but a way of being in relationships based on pleasing each other and avoiding things which may already contain hurt.
Yes, the pain felt is that the relationship was not the love we know deep-down we are and deserve.
A beautiful sharing of the love we all are and the livingness of this in life in every aspect showing another way that is possible for us all.
I always knew (by an inner sense) that there is or should be a way but without the Benhayons I wouldn´t trust that it is possible, therefore it is possible to live it for me and everyone else too.
The power of a lived example Alex…
And then it is us who become the living example for others…
A true and typical example of how Serge Benhayon and his family demonstrate through their genuine love of each other the way we should by rights all be living. And so we are graced by their living example that steadily and relentlessly restores our trust in love and in each other again.
I love how in every situation there is something for us to advance with… we are never left empty handed or at a deficit.
The sooner we banish the notion of good and bad then the sooner we will return to truth.
It would be amazing if we could all just learn what is there to be learnt from the relationships that we have and then move on without any animosity. I have always found it weird how some people can go from being so intimate with each other to absolutely hating them.
Indeed Kev, it makes no sense to hate your former partner. But then, what does this tells us of the relationship you come from, was this truly a intimate relationship or more an arrangement in the type of ‘if you do nut hurt me, I will not hurt you’.
Beautiful Michael, what a gift to humanity it is to show that there is a true and loving way to end a relationship without the usual blame, hurts and dramas that accompany it. Working out how to end a relationship in this way takes courage and the willingness to take honest responsibility for our behaviour. Serge Benhayon, Miranda and Deborah have established a new benchmark for us all, one that you and your girlfriend have confirmed is completely possible and hence will in due course become our norm.
‘…life experience has shown me that we get hurt by ourselves, not by others….’ This is my experience too, something I shied away from because it meant seeing my responsibility in life. But I now love the fact that I am not a victim and this brings much joy that I don’t have to be hurt but can be open and love with people.
Beautifully said Karin… we hurt ourselves through our own perceptions of people and situations – which may or may not be true – and often blame those people/situations for our current situation, holding those perceptions to be our truth when there is always our responsibility in every moment, every situation.
So you are paying it forward Michael. And now you are showing the world that it’s very well possible to separate in love.
Yes that is a great way to consider it, all being part of the same soup. We think we get away from people and situations but we don’t and we can carry the baggage of hurts around with us for many years clogging up the soup. As we do the work to let go of that baggage, everyone in the soup benefits regardless of being in contact with them anymore.
Yes, because no communicating just feeds the stories we are building in our heads. Whenever we communicate it cuts the energy in half so the ‘problem’ is so much simpler to deal with.
It is only when we see the reflection from another of how we could be in relationship that we can consider how we are in our own relationships. What you and your ex-girlfriend shared will leave an imprint on both of your lives, and perhaps offer a similar reflection to others in your life just as you writing this blog has. That is a pretty awesome ripple effect!
Because we are all constantly being reflected who we are not, we have totally lost sight of who we all are.
All relationships in life are learning situations that are meant to assist us in evolving. A short conversation with the mailman or an intimate long or short relationship with another is presenting us with keys that unlock doors within us.
There really is a way of breaking up with a partner that does not have to be full of acrimony, bitterness and blame. Love can remain in the process and, as you say Steve, every relationship moment is offering evolution. In the ending of a relationship we can ask ourselves, what is my learning here? we can take responsibility for how we handle it.
We come up with a million reasons not to truly Love – yet none of them are good enough. And anyway deep down inside we know exactly what is the way. Live it more and we might find it’s easier than we think.
We only need one reason to truly love and to truly be love: If not us, then who?
‘… life experience has shown me that we get hurt by ourselves, not by others…’ – two revelations that change everyone´s life as soon as one is willing to listen: 1.) life teaches us, it is us who needs to be willing to learn the lessons instead of holding on to righteousness and justification; 2.) we are no victims but self-responsible and free to make the choices we make and therefore the creators of our life, always.
There can be so much hate between 2 people who were once head over heels for each other. So in that we have something to look at. Why do we allow the drama of sour endings when in fact it does not need to be this way and we can still appreciate the other person for who they are.
Maybe because we were never truly head over heals with them in the first place but rather in a heightened state of excitement. A state of welcome distraction from our underlying discomfort. Perhaps we never really appreciated the other person for who they truly were and so when we split up, we are thrust back into all of our unresolved issues but this time with a failed relationship to add to the mix. A guaranteed recipe for bitterness and resentment.
‘A guaranteed recipe for bitterness and resentment.’ It’s like being a sous chef in a kitchen where the head chef refuses to surrender and accept that the original creation has been so tainted and soured that the only true choice is to 86 it and start again. Continuing to blame the sous chef for being unable to disguise the bitter taste the recipe leaves in one’s mouth and so blaming them for the bitterness in the first place is the pot calling the kettle black.
Love this analogy Brigette.
You and your partner Michael are a living, breathing, walking, talking example of two people who have put love before the needs and desires of self and hence show that there is no true place for hurt in any relationship. Hurts serve only to keep us separated and individual
We hold so many beliefs and concepts accompanied by a series of emotions and behaviours we simply consider to be normal because they are socially shared and agreed on that it appears to be strange or even alien when someone is not or no longer following this convention. Not that this is just ‘un-normal’ and therefore recognised but it can be disturbing because we are shown our own limitations, conditions, games and dramas to be artificial, ie. self-created and not a given we are a victim of; and if self-created it also means we choose it for a reason we may not like to be aware of. Could it be that we like to be irresponsible, indulge in emotions and complications, keep ourselves busy and entertained in the ‘turmoil’ of life? But why? A life of simplicity and love as presented by Serge Benhayon doesn´t feed such indulgence and ignorance but offers a life of love and responsibility to be chosen and lived ! , no one is or can do it for you.
Looking at it this way, a ‘break-up’ in a relationship is not a break-up at all. It is simply a recognition that the dynamics have changed and the form of the relationship needs to be fine-tuned. The foundation of love, care, mutual honouring and respect does not need to change one iota.
So many couples stay together “for the kids”. What the amazing example of the Benhayon family shows is that the only important lesson to give the children is that of true love. Wowzzers…and so much more supportive than the ‘facade’ of love when in truth it is anything but – and how arrogant of us to believe that the children don’t see feel and know the difference. The problem is that if that ‘facade’ version is shown to be more important than the true version, then the children become conditioned to settle for the un-true ‘facade’ version. And thus the rot and lies, deepen.
The children feel everything and when couples realise the lies no longer work children often say “its about time!”
We each receive many moments of inspiration in our lives. True success is when we have the commitment to convert that inspiration into a lived expression. Big respect to you Michael and thus you inspire many more.
“We are all human beings, that we are all forever learning and that we are all deserving of nothing but Love.” this is it summed up in a nut shell Michael, such a great sharing, I too have known of couples breaking up, or it could be said in another way, such as choosing different pathways with none of the same blame and guilt that is often associated with breakups, only a respecting and an acceptance that it is time to move on, the situation that you described is rare indeed in this world.
I have definitely in the past had big pictures of what it is meant to be like breaking up with partner. Since deepening my relationship with myself I have come to realise that the respect and love i have for myself I have for the other also so it is quite beautiful to have a break up where it is not actually a break up at all, just a honouring of where each other are what is next needed when it feels complete.
Elizabeth beautifully expressed and something that I deeply know is true from my own experience in relationships.
Lovely to read again Michael .. and again, it’s a truly hearty read to take in a relationship written with a truth involved.
The unconditional endlessness of love… this is what constantly holds us, whether we engage with and live it or not.
‘…that we are all forever learning’ – this is a gift of a truth and teaching for us to understand and live in life; it invites a curiosity and humbleness in me.
Breakups are normally fraught with emotion, tension, sadness, anger and sometimes distress. To know that breakups can be dealt with differently is a breath of fresh air.
“The Break-Up I’d Rather Have” – there is no point in relationship when there is no love or expanding love [evolving], yet there is every point in relationship which includes break up when there is love. Love enjoys and responds well to the presence of its own love. There can be no place for hurt, when the space is full of love.
Perhaps this is the only true ‘break up ‘ we can actually have? I have often tried to end poisonous habits or behaviours with ‘cutting them out’. But reading this leaves me feeling that the true key to success is actually holding myself and whoever else is involved in appreciation and love.
Such a beautiful example Michael of how we can continue to grow and evolve in our relationships no matter what the circumstances, the standards you have set will be felt far and wide.
No one should ever be forced to ‘choose sides’ during a divorce or split up because it puts people in an extremely unfair and uncomfortable place, as a result of one’s own choices that were often nothing to do with friends/family/the kids etc.
Yes, Fiona, I have experienced that love can continue and even deepen, and it really helps to let go of any pictures of how a relationship should look.
Relationships offer us great reflections and sometimes these reflections are so challenging that we want to run away but we will only meet the same reflection time and time again until we get it. We have such opportunities to evolve with everyone we meet and it is so lovely that you have remained friends because there are still opportunities for reflection in the wider relationship.
This is beautifully shared and expressed Michael. If divorces were settled so amicably, it would be less harmful, especially to children who often (for many years) are left with the feeling that ‘it has been their fault’.
So in truth there is no ‘break up’.
Love it when one can see that direct link between a lived example of what is possible, and then taking that as the inspiration of how to make a different choice ourselves. And so you become the inspiration for others Michael…
How powerful is our lived experience and the role-modelling of those around us.
They say the journey is better than the destination – I say that the journey never ends and that each ‘destination’ is simply a moment to make our next move even grander.
I love how you finish, Michael, with such a strong sense of equality, in that no-one is the winner or the loser but rather there is a mutual openness to learning and growing, with no attachment to what that will end up looking like.
No need for winners and losers when no one plays the game.
By your sharing of the impact that Serge Benhayon and his family had on you demonstrate how the most powerful form of teaching is by lived example and hence what a huge responsibility we all have as we are all examples for others.
True Elizabeth, needs, expectations, resentments and hurts fuel the break-up if true love is not the foundation.
It’s quite incredible the level of abuse that some of us are prepared to put up with rather than break up with our partners. We’re willing to be ignored, ridiculed, tormented, beaten and even tortured both physically and mentally rather than walk away from a relationship. And as absolutely everything in life acts like a mirror, we have to look deeply into the mirror and ask ourselves ‘why?’
Such a beautiful sharing of interactions within a true family. Thank you for sharing!
Once we accept that we have had thousands of lives we have to accept that we may have had at least as many partners. We constellate together with different people in each lifetime, reflect each other’s patterns of behaviour and all the lessons we need to learn, then next lifetime, others come along. In truth we are all related, all connected, just going round and around the Sun learning or not learning, evolving fast or slow depending what we choose but nevertheless evolving. The more we can have harmony with everyone the more we can learn.
Yes I agree with you Elizabeth, and sometimes giving each other space to grow can be a deeply loving choice.
Every moment is a choice and if we are prepared to choose love, honesty and a willingness to observe everything within and around us a whole new understanding awaits us. As you have shared Michael it is possible to live this but many do not choose to and instead take their comfort in blame, disconnection and anger. Thank you for sharing your experience and the opportunity it brings.
Responsibility for self will always translate into responsibility for others.
This is great Michael, setting the standards of how we can truly love someone no matter at what point or stage the relationship is at. A massive bonus for the two of you and great learning as well. Thanks for sharing.
And that to love someone after the breakup of a relationship is not unique, impossible or inappropriate.
We always have a choice in our relationship with the world, then let the world decide whether it will reciprocate the quality back.
Even the term break up has negative connotations
The Benhayon family are true role models for humanity, nowhere have I witness a family like them who lives with the deepest respect, love, and adoration for themselves, each other and towards the people they meet. They are the role models for how to live in true family, and they don’t hold back in embracing people with the utmost love, openness, and appreciation.
A beautiful practical example of how love inspires and it can be in any situation.
It’s not uncommon to not just cut one person out of our life but many after going through a dramatic breakup or the like. There are times that call for change and transformation but there is a big difference between that and shutting people out of our lives in a massive reaction, which may not be the best way to deal with the situation at hand, and as you’ve shared Michael we could actually maintain great relationships with them.
Love is love so even if we are not in a romantic relationship with someone any more it does not mean that the love has gone away.
Beautiful sharing Michael and something we could learn from in society today that would change everything and bring truth and love to the world. “thank you to the entire Benhayon family for showing me that we are all human beings, that we are all forever learning and that we are all deserving of nothing but Love.”
It’s interesting that the things we do seemingly to protect ourselves from hurt following the breakup of a relationship cause more hurt than anything else and we do this to ourselves.
I like the idea of splitting up in love – kinda like falling in love. Breaks the idea that we fall out of love, but rather there is just a point when the relationship naturally comes to an end. It doesn’t have to end with slamming doors and cutting people out.
When we experience and are inspired by a true way of living there is no telling how far reaching this can be. It highlights the responsiblity we have to live this for ourselves as it could be the turning point for another in their lives to live that true way for themselves.
The fact that when relationships break up and couples do not talk with each other or do not remain loving, exposes that true love and respect was not there in the first place. If this foundation had been built between the couple then this would be still present just the nature of the type of relationship would change. i.e no physical intimacy.
What we react to most of the time in breakups or arguments between Romantic partnerships is that we see hurt being hurled around. Breakups and fights can be about love. We have to be clear and feel and if we blindly reacted then we have chosen to attack with lovelessness..
When there is love in a relationship, there is love in every form it may have, and this is always an inspiration worth to be witnessed.