When I look back at the dress I chose for my wedding*, it was the design and look that I had imagined since I was a young girl. Having a background in textiles, at times through my life I found photos of wedding dresses that I liked, and on reflection I realise the dress I wore on my wedding day was similar to some of those dresses.
Now this sounds a little like a ‘Cinderella story’ but it actually occurred, was very real in my body and it was revealed on that day with very good reason.
For me, I absolutely enjoy clothes: I enjoy the idea of dressing up and playing with different looks and especially how I feel when trying on different clothes. Dress-ups was one of the fun things to do with friends as a young girl. It’s a definite way for me to express ‘me’ and how I feel about me. It’s the relationship with the elements of the outfit, the connection to me and process of putting it all together that I love.
For many years I may not have dressed so flatteringly or expressed through my clothing who I truly was, but recently this has been changing. As I started loving myself more, my style and clothes changed. And my wedding dress is an example where I had ‘nailed’ the perfect dress and look for me on that day. Every part of finding the dress was divine and it reminded me how important it is for me to focus attention on every single detail. I had a strong sense of who to take with me to find the dress and trusted her to support me in my style and in showing me appropriate places to look (as I had never really allowed myself to embrace looking for a wedding dress before).
My previous marriage was one where there was minimal or no planning. It was organised in one week because I was critically ill with cancer – that was the reason why that wedding was so rushed. The dress was found when driving past a shop and seeing it in the shop window. I looked beautiful in that dress, but did not feel totally gorgeous, full, amazing and divine in it – like how I felt and what I wore in my marriage to my husband now.
Back to my current wedding dress. It was found without a fuss and was the second or third dress I tried on. The accompanying belt, which really gave it that wow factor, was bought and partly handmade by me sewing in extra beads to give it that full, luxurious look.
What I learned in refashioning the belt was that my expression was different to someone in my life who had been influential about my clothing decisions. This point is important here because she was a dressmaker and I realised I had been influenced for a significant part of my life by her impression of ‘what looked good on me,’ which was always fine, but didn’t really allow me to look beyond fine, to take it a step up from that, to feel and look totally gorgeous. This is nothing that reflects adversely on her, just a reflection on her personal taste, how I was seen and how deeply I was prepared to connect to me.
The experience I had with the dress provided the impulse to how I would wear my hair, my makeup, the colour scheme, the type of hall, music played and the overall feel of the day.
The process showed me how important it was for me to take care of every little detail, no matter how small, and by doing this, everything was in place to support me to be all and everything I am. Attending to this detail was not about achieving perfection or to impress anyone, it felt very natural and was about bringing the care and attention to all the aspects so that love was there to be felt by all involved in the wedding. You see, it wasn’t just a day about my partner and I, it was about us all.
There was no concern whether the dress would fit or look okay as I knew this was the dress to support me on the day. This is an interesting concept about a dress supporting me to look my beautiful self as, funnily enough, I felt a real connection to this piece of material – we had a lovely relationship going on.
I would occasionally try the dress on and feel the deep connection to something inside myself each time, which was more confirming each time I tried it on. It was something in me that I knew so well but hadn’t allowed myself to really feel deeply for such a long time. It was something in me that I knew was uniquely me, was always there, but I hadn’t necessarily been listening to it as an important part of me. With this dress on, I gave myself permission to feel a deep connection to this exquisite place inside of me. I knew with all of my being that this was the quality I would walk in, and with, on my wedding day.
On the day of my wedding, I felt truly beautiful, sexy, full and gorgeous, something I had only experienced to that extent on a couple of occasions this lifetime. It showed me that it wasn’t necessarily the dress that allowed me to feel this expression, but the care I allowed in how my makeup was applied, in how I wore my hair, the shoes I wore, having my friends around me and the connection to my husband to be. But, most importantly, the love and connection to me I felt inside.
When all the details of the parts of my dress came together, I felt absolutely complete with nothing left unconsidered: tending to the parts made the whole absolutely exquisite.
I knew when I stepped out of the car I would be bringing something glorious and divine to myself, to all those present and to the world. I was bringing all of me, in all my divine beauty, joy and glory. As I stepped out of the car, I saw tears in strong men’s eyes and many women’s – not that they needed to cry but they were acknowledging how deeply they were touched by how I was and what I was reflecting to them – they could feel love, a deep confirmation of me in my essence and being a woman in the true sense. To me this was what bringing heaven to earth means, as I was walking towards my future husband. I felt how it is the greatest gift to the world when we bring all of us to whatever we do. There were some for whom this was too much and who reacted, but I now notice and have come to accept that this happens quite often as I claim more of me.
I walked up and met my future husband in all his glory, in his total and adoring love for who he was about to marry. We were a couple who were offering a true reflection of a woman being a woman and a man being a man, both in their essence. For it was not just I who tended to the details of my dress with deep consideration and appreciation of what I had to offer, for he too felt deeply into everything he wore on the day.
The dress showed me on that day the depth of my beauty and how powerful that felt inside of me, that anything was possible. Even more than that, this experience revealed how there was something so much grander inside to access, which was truly me, and it needed nothing from the outside. It also confirmed that when I have purpose and lovingly support myself in what is required, an amazing opportunity or space is there for me to be in my stillness.
This was not just a dress but something that represented so much more, supporting me to reconnect to a place inside of me that I can only describe as the ‘crown jewels.’ It is the sacredness inside of me that is also inside all women, a place that I would always like to be in deep connection with. This place holds incredible power, steadiness and focus, all exquisitely balanced with the most precious, delicate, divine beauty, with a stillness that can hold anyone or anything. This is what I would call being totally in love with myself, in my body or really ‘full’ in my body. On that day, I gave myself permission to go there, live it and walk it, which I am now doing more and more.
Now I have lived this, I know it’s there and I can live this every day if I choose. The fine attention to detail allowed the space to feel every aspect of the wedding in full and when I choose to honour this every day, it becomes a natural way to live each day. And if this is my future, I have everything to look forward to.
This experience showed me how my true essence rests so close to me, is waiting for me, and is so accessible. It’s all about the choice to allow myself to connect deeply within and surrender to that which is truly me, honouring who I really am and not being afraid of how I may appear to the world.
*My husband and I had two weddings and for the purpose of this piece, this experience relates to the first wedding.
Published with permission from my husband.
By Ulrike Paul, Lismore Heights, Australia. B Ed, EPA SEH, ECCT
Further Reading:
Developing a Relationship – with my Essence
Fashion styling – embracing and appreciating ourselves
The Ring from Out of This World
Love – the main event at a wedding
338 Comments
Yes purpose, and loving support is so important, ‘this experience revealed how there was something so much grander inside to access, which was truly me, and it needed nothing from the outside.’
Seeing you in that dress showed a whole new level of expression, one that has remained with you and is beautiful.
You certainly were and it is glorious to see and feel, ‘I was bringing all of me, in all my divine beauty, joy and glory.’
that is true and amazing, thank you Ulrike you inspired me and so do I love reading your blog every time again.:
I love reading this blog it is so steady and beautiful,
Vanessa, I can confirm the steadiness comes from paying loving attention to all the details – feeling each one as important as the other. This then provides a solid foundation on which to move.
“The process showed me how important it was for me to take care of every little detail, no matter how small, and by doing this, everything was in place to support me to be all and everything I am. ” Beautiful Ulrike. This is something for me to pay attention to this new year, as I’ve not been too hot on detail til now.
‘It’s all about the choice to allow myself to connect deeply within and surrender to that which is truly me, honouring who I really am and not being afraid of how I may appear to the world.’ That’s all what it is about, consistently living in connection and what you have shared too is that every tiny detail counts and will confirm who we are and that’s what the world needs to see and feel and will see and feel when we don’t hold back out of fear of being noticed. Beautiful reminder and inspiration you are for all of us, Ulrike, I love it and you!
Yes, that way we acquire more and more momentum to express our beauty.
Ulrike’s glowing face as she came out of the car at her wedding proves just how deeply she connected with her divine inner self. It was really confirming for me to read too how by paying such careful and honouring attention to all the details of her dress and how she prepared for the wedding it enabled her to support herself to connect to that inner beauty. This is a really great practical reminder about how simple it is to honour ourselves fully and then feel the results of that in our movements when we are expressing from our true selves.
This blog is a lovely reminder of how when we are in touch with our Sacredness we know exactly how to take care of every detail in our lives, which in turn will reflect our inner beauty.
Such a level of detail with your preparations feels so confirming of you as a woman.
“The process showed me how important it was for me to take care of every little detail, no matter how small, and by doing this, everything was in place to support me to be all and everything I am”
The little details are so important; miss these and we miss out on the magic and flow of life.
Most of my life I have had no idea how much taking care of the little details made all the difference. I am now starting to appreciate those little details in my life and seriously I have found that it starts to open up a whole new world.
When you wear something as incredible and confirming as this – regardless of whether it’s a wedding dress, work shirt or even pair of pyjama bottoms – then all of the other outfits in our wardrobe are called to be more. We should see our ‘favourite top’, the one that makes us feel amazing, as the new foundation for how all our clothes should fit us!
I have been noticing that I hold ideals, beliefs and pictures about what things ought to look like and my striving to bring these images into reality often gets in the way of my ability to stay open to feel and read the expansion the moment holds. At first when I read about the pictures which you had from young I thought uh oh. But then the writing expanded to the care you took to feel what would be loving and supportive and taking care of the smallest details, and how this included what would be supportive to everyone present.
It is not that we have to ditch everything that is of convention, but about bringing love, care and honouring the divinity within us all.
It is in the attention to detail and consistency in our livingness that allows our movements to be aligned to that which is sacred and our natural right within all of us.
“It’s the relationship with the elements of the outfit, the connection to me and process of putting it all together that I love.” I love clothing and the relationship of the fine detail of how clothing is made and how the fabric feels. Having the opportunity to confirm who we are and play and express as we feel in any moment is glorious and one that also offers a great appreciation for the essence of who we are but all others also. Clothing and our relationship with it is a great opportunity to not only deepen our own relationship but also offer us a chance to heal too.
What a beautiful writing Ullrike, your piece of writing is very touching.. a true inspiring experience that you share with mankind. I am inspired to feel and see in the pictures what true love is and that this is always set by our own foundations : how much we love and hold ourselves in relationship to divinity first. Thank you. I am in awe.
I love your definition of bringing heaven to earth, you are exactly that, thank you for your exquisite beauty.
Hi Ulrike, what you have so beautifully shared here about attending lovingly to all the little details leading up to your weddings is really a true recipe for life for when all these details have already had our love and attention we are then free to be fully present to attend to whatever comes up next.
So true Kathleen because we have set up a solid foundation on which to stand and be fully open to what is presented next.
I love how this shares that it was never about the one day being special and amazing, it was about every choice you made leading up to and during the wedding that offered you an opportunity to really embrace all that you are. What and amazing way to celebrate with your partner and know that the attention to the detail and this connection with yourself was key.
Indeed Natalie, which sheds light on the importance of what we choose in every moment. And when we consciously feel into every moment there is incredible space to feel what is true, what is required and the divine connection with the love within.
I love this story. In the past I had bought dresses for my wedding way before I actually had a wedding, but it feels very stressful to have to find a perfect dress for that day. And I have rushed buying a dress for a wedding and I did not enjoy the experience. But what my experience has taught me and you story has shared is there does not need to be rush or stress because when we first have a relationship with ourselves things will unfold beautifully. To have a settled feeling with myself first and foremost, and this will be the same feeling for my life, wedding or no wedding.
Thanks, Ulrike. It is such a joy to share in this celebration of you, and the power of deeply connecting to one’s divine essence.
“You see, it wasn’t just a day about my partner and I, it was about us all.” The truth of this statement can really be felt in this blog Ulrike. When we attend to the details we honour everyone.
I love this metaphor for life Leonne. The more we attend to the details in everything we do, the more we honour everything and everyone in life. Everything and everyone is indeed sacred and divine when seen in this way.
I read this blog today and took in all of those finer details you spoke about, the more I did this the more detail I picked up on, it was like reading it anew and so this time I was ‘soaking it all up’, knowing that it is the finer details that bring that fullness and wholeness to myself.
‘This point is important here because she was a dressmaker and I realised I had been influenced for a significant part of my life by her impression of ‘what looked good on me,’ which was always fine, but didn’t really allow me to look beyond fine, to take it a step up from that, to feel and look totally gorgeous.’ How easy it is to say ‘that’ll do’ and leave it as that without going deeper and feeling all there is to be felt about ourselves.
I am coming to love getting dressed up and finding ways to reflect who I am in full. Your story about your dress is a great reminder to keep enjoying this.
When we bring all of who we are to the world we bring the reflection of Heaven. There is no picture, ideal or belief that can offer this superlative quality, as it only comes through our connection to our essence within which naturally shines through our loving imprints, the way we honour ourselves including how we dress ourselves and the way we move through the world. As in-truth is a quality of energy behind everything and it is very beautiful to feel the reflection of honouring your sacredness in the way you prepared for your wedding and the stunning dress you chose.
“‘The Dress’ – More than A Wedding Dress” – is the essence of what is carried inside us, and such is the beauty of stillness in emanation, and such is the beauty of a woman too.
What an incredible gift for all of those at the wedding to see you celebrate yourself and honour every detail of you as a women. The love you have for yourself and appreciation for others can be felt, there is a sweetness in your words. This is a wonderful reflection for me to bring more love and care to myself and those around me.
I love how you have felt the ‘sweetness’ in the words – this is a beauty full confirmation.
So as I am reading your blog, I am questioning why I do not put the care and love into the way I get ready every morning. Not to say that I put no care in at all, I do but so often there is a rush and I’m not fully connected and with myself which I then take with me to the rest of the day. We all know those times when we put love and care into the way we do our hair, what we are going to wear etc., leaving us feeling gorgeous and it is that gorgeousness that we then take with us for the rest of the day.
It’s a great question, why don’t we give ourself the space to really care and feel into what is required when we get ready every morning? It is actually so important and changes how we are with our self for the rest of the day, rather than the rush that seems to be so normal.
This is a very beautiful sharing Ulrike that makes me wonder how life could be if everyone of us would live our everyday as our wedding day…
A beautiful wedding dress that honors a woman’s exquisite beauty within is the dress that every bride should be blessed with wearing on her wedding day – just as you clearly were Ulrike.
We are all precious and untainted within, yes sacred, and we spend a lot of time denying it and concentrating on our issues or supposed failing. Can we allow ourselves to celebrate who we are in full, in this very moment? I sat with this for a moment and could feel a choice to compromise or enjoy how very beautiful I am…this is the choice we have every day, do we celebrate who we are and adorn, dress ourselves with the love and care we deserve?
How we dress and what we choose to wear is an expression of ourselves. I love how you have talked about your friend giving great advice on how to dress and look great, but I love how you chose to wear what you felt to wear so you could look amazing instead – it is about not hiding but being there to say it can be done by all of us as women and that it is not about how another reacts, but rather about how may more women and men and children are inspired by how we are in what we wear, and how much of the ‘stunningness’ we let out!
Yes Henrietta, it is indeed about more of us reflecting how stunning we are, so more can see that we can all be amazing and ‘amazing’ is actually who we truly are.
Love it – this way is clear of comparison, needing to outdo another or dulling ourselves down as each choice is made from a place of contentment and equality.
Once again Ulrike, another gorgeous blog, just like you! And this in particular stood out for me: “I felt how it is the greatest gift to the world when we bring all of us to whatever we do.”
Bringing such love and care in all we do is a celebration , and your wedding is a gorgeous reflection of that Ulrike.
Wow Ulrike you look absolutely beautiful – your love and joy are coming through your eyes and inviting everyone to be this as well. On your photos you are also emanating grace and fragility that has been also reflected in your gorgeous wedding dress. How wonderful is it to show the world everything we are so naturally!
My partner and I are planning a wedding at the moment and every step of the way I am given opportunities to get to know myself and where I am at. For me this is the true gift that weddings offer the couple who will marry.
I find something exceptionally powerful in the statement: ” Attending to this detail was not about achieving perfection or to impress anyone, it felt very natural and was about bringing the care and attention to all the aspects so that love was there to be felt by all involved in the wedding. You see, it wasn’t just a day about my partner and I, it was about us all.”
It is easy to get caught in the pictures and trying to get things right, or in contrast to abandon it all and put little care into it. What inspires me here is the recognition that whatever is chosen it affects “all of us” and every bit of care and attention makes a huge difference.
What a beautiful gift we bring to the world, when we allow others to see and feel all of who we are. You are an absolutley gorgeous example Ulrike, of how this is possible, for any one of us, and how we dont have to wait for our wedding day to share it!
What I get from this is that we do not reflect enough on our lives and why we choose what we choose; the details of our lives matter. They matter because we start connecting with the richness and depth that is within us and all around us.
I agree Samantha- the details can get overlooked and we don’t appreciate them but they actually act as the foundations of why we have chosen something.
It is beautiful to read about a woman feeling in connection with herself and, it is beautiful to read about the many different ways that sacredness can be expressed throughout daily life in even the smallest details.