The quality of mercy is not strain’d,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath.
[Shakespeare, The Merchant Of Venice]
I love these words. They speak to me of the constancy of God’s Love.
There is a constancy of God’s Love to which we all have access throughout our lives, a constancy we can choose to express to and with each other on a daily basis.
Through my observations I cannot help but wonder: why do we as a society consistently avoid choosing to express this constancy of love in taking care of our elderly and those in Aged Care facilities?
Speaking regularly with friends who work in Aged Care facilities I find what they share with me deeply disturbing. Although they work in a number of facilities across Australian states, they consistently speak of the same issues:
- Carers working under inordinate time pressures and having to rush breathlessly from patient to patient, without time for a genuinely caring verbal interaction.
- Limited time allocation with each patient in their care so that physical ministrations end up rushed and disregarding of the physical contact taking place.
- Paperwork being complex and onerous and taking valued time away from patient care.
- Carers receiving a low award wage, many without the security of a permanent position. This leads to the carers often devaluing themselves with the net result of low professional and personal self worth and self esteem, with little or no self care taking.
- Frustration with not being able to offer fully the quality of care they can see is needed for their patients.
- ‘End of shift’ exhaustion and, at times, demoralization due to a sense of having accomplished little and not done ‘enough’.
How can a carer truly care for others without self-care and under the conditions outlined here?
Most of our elderly have contributed productively to our society in their working life. As they age, their bodies slow down and become fragile and easily hurt. Working in research for the Department of Geriatric Medicine at a teaching hospital in England, I observed how older people are often worried and afraid about the approach of death and the loss of their loved ones. They are witnessing the passing over of all of their friends. Everything about this life is ending for them.
What do we offer our elderly as they navigate their way through the final phase of life? Is it respectful to offer a perfunctory and rushed quality of care that only maintains their deteriorating bodily functions, executed by stressed fellow human beings under incredible workloads and time pressures?
Is this lack of true care what any of us would wish for ourselves or for our immediate family members? Would we want that for our children when they reach this final stage of life?
What type and quality of care would we, as a collective, like to see for our elderly?
Is it not natural for us to want to offer the following:
- Compassion — understanding with an open heart what is going on for our elderly and allocating the time to allow them to express this clearly, in their own words.
- Gentleness – bathing them and ministering to their physical needs with a tenderness of touch that honours their fragility.
- Dignity and Respect — honouring the life they have lived and offering them support and a respectful autonomy as they make their final choices in this life.
This level of care rarely occurs in our Aged Care facilities for the reasons outlined above and also possibly because of our collective attitudes, fears and beliefs about Ageing and Death.
Is it possible that we may have been quite simply ‘too busy’… and that ‘too busy’ has meant that we may not have taken the time to stop and look deeply into the eyes of a fellow human being, to look past the wrinkles, the lines and the deterioration of the physical body and to deeply connect with this person who has shared a life with us, a life that is now waning?
If we stop however and ponder on the needs of our elderly, we would readily understand that we all want compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect throughout our lives and especially as we age and our bodies wind down to pass on.
Would we not all feel that what is required is a new perspective on Aged Care? After all, do we not all want a loving connection with our fellow human beings?
As we age, do we not all truly want the constancy of God’s Love, which is always available for us to express to each other – through a gentle touch, an open smile, a caring look and the time to share our feelings? Is it not our collective responsibility to speak up about this and let our true feelings be known? Would not our systems then need to re-mould themselves to accommodate our communally articulated expectations on what we consider to be a true and new perspective on aged care?
I feel it is time for the quality of mercy to be determined by us all because ‘the quality of mercy’ lives within us all.
Inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Coleen
Further Reading:
Palliative Care Nurse Elizabeth Dolan wins the NSW Health Excellence Award
Death & Dying – A Taboo Topic or a Joyful, Normal Conversation?
We are the instruments of God to offer love to all wherever they are in the cycle of life.
What we as society allow and build during the years, is what we will get in the end and the heritage we let to other generations. Great responsibility we have in observing it as it is and making the changes we know are needed, for us and everyone.
I volunteer at a local cottage hospital where the wards are always under staffed especially at the weekends when I volunteer. But even so I tell the patients they have come to a 5 star hotel as the staff are amazing, the food is edible and hospital itself is kept very clean by the cleaning staff that are very thorough as they chase me round the wards with their mops and buckets of disinfectant. So much so it’s become a game. The patients I talk to all agree it is a jewel in the crown. With all the complaints and bad press that hospitals get this hospital stands out with the amount of care and attention the patients get and also appreciate.
Understanding our life cycle and how passing-over is as important as living from the day we are born, brings in the simplicity about life and how we should approach death so we live to our fullest until our last breath.
‘Carers working under inordinate time pressures and having to rush breathlessly from patient to patient, without time for a genuinely caring verbal interaction.’ This is why everything takes a community, with young, children, teenagers, adults and our elderly. The more we work together the more people there are to support each other. I agree some professions have very stressful jobs (doctors, teachers, nurses, care staff) but if volunteers come in where they can and if we work together and of course make it about people first instead of profit (which in turn makes it about the doctors, nurses, teachers, care staff and supporting them) then life will become easier and maybe just maybe more joyfull!
I have the privilege of meeting a lot of elderly people who come into hospital. And I whole heartedly agree with you Coleen when you say
‘Would we not all feel that what is required is a new perspective on Aged Care? After all, do we not all want a loving connection with our fellow human beings?’
What I love about the hospital I work in is that there is a wealth of volunteers who support the medical team by chatting to the patients and reassuring them, offering the usual Tea and Coffee it works really well because they also feel supported that there are others around who can just sit with someone who feels disorientated or upset by being in hospital so that they can see to other patients. I have noticed a huge difference in the staff because they feel supported too.
What a truly AMAZING job you are doing Mary in volunteering at a hospital ✨ Incredible and much needed
I used to work in the community visiting the elderly in their homes and I too was under the same constraints of time and lack of money or appreciation for what was a considerably sized task. You are working with human beings who want to connect and respond to how another is. If the staff are stressed the client feels it. Connection and compassion go a long way in this line of work, for both client and staff.
From what I see in our community if everyone followed the Universal Medicine model of living as in The Way of The Livingness then aged care would be a distant memory.
Our way of working with the elderly in our community needs to change, the care industry has a high turnover of staff, who often feel rushed and stressed and cannot provide a quaity service to the elderly people that they work with. This is not all supportive for our elders and is a disrespectful way to treat those that are coming to the end of their lives and who need care and support.
Coleen, I can very much relate to what you are sharing in this article. I used to work as a carer for a private company, they would allow a minimum of one hour per visit, I know that the local government visits were 15 minutes, this is barely enough time to say hello and goodbye, let alone, make dinner, wash or dress the elderly clients. The carers I spoke to found it distressing and stressful to have so little time as did the clients.
I visit a friend in a rest home regularly so get such a clear insight into what unfolds within the four walls; and it’s not all great. I know that most of the staff work as lovingly as they can but there is often, a lack of “compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect”, qualities that all of us deserve at every step of our lives, especially as our lives come to an end, often very painfully. There is a big call at present for rest homes to improve their level of care, may it be heeded soon before any more wonderful older people suffer a level of care that is badly lacking in many basic areas.
There is much to consider and unpack in terms of how as a society our elderly are treated and how we treat our elderly, but how each of us approach ageing. It is something that we all do from the moment we are born, we age. But at some point we take on belief systems about who we are when become elderly. I have heard many elderly people say, I am still the same person, just a little older in the body. For some I know it can be quite an isolating time in life. How we move through this is essential for our wellbeing.
I agree. We don’t suddenly wake up and find ourselves elderly. Ageing is a process and one we are equally all responsible for. How we age is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves and when we find ourselves in our elder years our livingness is a reflection of the life that has been lived and are living.
As we prepare to pass over, is it that we are simply looking for the constancy of God’s love, we all have access to this throughout our lives, ‘There is a constancy of God’s Love to which we all have access throughout our lives, a constancy we can choose to express to and with each other on a daily basis.’
I’ve been reading how some care homes these days have nursery school age children visit them. The old people delight in the young children, because they are treated like people, not as old people. Young children interact with them freely and both gain from the experience. A win win.
“There is a constancy of God’s Love to which we all have access throughout our lives, a constancy we can choose to express to and with each other on a daily basis.” We all have a responsibility to share a constancy of love with each other at whatever stage in life.
I recognise this fear of passing over in the elderly people that I meet. But then. sometimes there are those who have decided to embrace this fact of their own passing and to simply let the process be.
Through working and volunteering in this sector for some time, I have to agree that many carers lives have no self care in at all, and I will go as far as to say there is abuse in the lives of some of these carers, ‘low professional and personal self worth and self esteem, with little or no self care taking.’
Yes as a society we have tended to become more segregated into separate phases of life which ignores how much different generations have to offer to each other. Finding ways to keep our elders in the community rather than locking them away in separate facilities has to be the way forward.
Choosing to express the constancy of God’s love is only possible when we commit to taking care of ourselves within whatever we are doing and the pressures on carers can often be so overwhelming that they lose sight of the reason that they chose to care in the first place. Until we as a society are willing to invest in true care for the elderly and those caring for them the situation is only likely to deteriorate.
So many service industries are not regarded as being that important and the rates of pay reflect that, such as in child care, aged care and the hospitality industry generally, including the hospital and education sectors. When we as a society truly value those being cared for society will change for the better.
This is a heart-warming blog to read Coleen. For the past two years, I have been blessed with being ‘hands on’ and overseeing carers regularly visiting an elderly relative. The functional duties of care can be carried out well, but it is very obvious when there is a missing element of an innermost connection and self-love with themselves. This plays out with the person being cared for feeling frustrated, diminished, disrespected and in reaction to being told what to do. This has offered an ongoing opportunity to consistently deepen presence with my own body and hold others in love and simply observe the miracles in the changes in quality of care continue to unfold in the care teams.
“I feel it is time for the quality of mercy to be determined by us all because ‘the quality of mercy’ lives within us all.”
Compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect should be available to everyone at any point in their lives – everyone deserves that and we need to raise our standards so we begin to treat everyone this way.
And from this way — we start to realize that from the quality of honoring our essence, is the greatest respect we can have for ourselves and each other.
Absolutely Meg, the standard of care for those in aged care needs to be raised, ‘As we age, do we not all truly want the constancy of God’s Love, which is always available for us to express to each other – through a gentle touch, an open smile, a caring look and the time to share our feelings? ‘
Whilst living in this plane of life our Soul does not change its quality, it is only our body that is enhousing our Soul that changes and reflects the quality of Soulfulness that we are willing to live, at any age. Hence there is, until our very last breath, the opportunity to deepen and live the power, wisdom, sacredness and joy of our connection to our Soul as best we can regardless of our age. Granted our bodies do deteriorate and we do need support and care however the point being that this care and support needs to honor the fact the person within is the same as all of us, only the body has aged.
Absolutely appreciating the beauty of each one of us regardless of age or physical deterioration is crucial when providing loving support for our elders.
One of the greatest lies society has fallen for is the lie that life is less important as we age, at every age we have an opportunity to have and to express more love and more joy and more beauty.
It certainly does expose that fact that segregation is still a huge and grossly controlling part of our society.
As we grow older and are facing this life coming to an end it is natural for many fears of what happens next to arise. The move to an aged care facility can be quite traumatic for many as they feel they are one step closer to dying and are not too sure what exactly is going to happen to next. Each and every person in this phase of their lives deserves the best possible care, a constant honouring of the beautiful being they are and deeply loving support as their life draws to a close. After all isn’t that what we would want for ourselves and every other member of humanity?
As I read this I felt how different our whole world would be, if we each committed to constantly offer ourselves, and equally all others, compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect. If we don’t live with those qualities first, then there’s no way we can offer it to others with integrity. That’s not to say we need to have something nailed before we attempt to live it with someone else – partly because there is nothing to nail or get perfect, but also because life itself is a work in progress: a constant unfoldment of learning and evolution.
I agree Bryony, it starts with self first, living with the qualities of compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect, only then we can share and bring these qualities to all others.
There is something so simple expressed here – all we are looking for is the constancy of God’s love as we prepare to pass over and re-enter His embrace. That is what we should offer, as the groundwork in preparing for passing over so the person is in the best possible vibration to meet its maker.
What if our life responsibility was to understand the cycle of birth and death so that when we re-incarnate our foundation is secured because we pass-over with no regrets! “Is it not our collective responsibility to speak up about this and let our true feelings be known?”
I have worked for many years in Aged care facilities, and have experienced the conditions that you write about Coleen, the system definitely need a complete overhaul, but when money and greed are at the forefront then nothing will change, a new model needs to be presented, one that brings quality of care first and foremost along with self care being a part of the regime for the workers.
Jill that’s a great point about money and greed and nothing changes if that remains at the forefront. Also at the forefront is quality of care for everyone – staff residents and families and also the value everyone is held in. Because someone has dementia and is needing to be in an aged care facility how do we treat them as people? We need to undo a great deal so that we rebuild with a solid foundation of care, respect, dignity and decency. So that we not only understand what these qualities are but that embody them to the best of our ability.
I don’t understand the concept of mercy but wholeheartedly agree with the rest of your assessment.
Agreed Gabriele, mercy seemingly comes with pity and we will one day understand we are all responsible for all we are experiencing so that we can learn to addressing our issues so when we re-incarnate we can be clear because we have dealt with our ill ways.
I have heard from those who work in aged care about the physical tolls on their body of having to lift people etc and that there is not sufficient support for them. It is easy to see how hard on the body this would be and why we need more people working together in this area to really bring the quality of care to the elderly.
Recently I saw a video recording of a care home having visitors every Monday from the local children’s’ nursery. Both the children and the elderly loved getting together, and the health improved within the elderly attendees. We need to learn from this – it’s a no-brainer that everyone thrives from having interaction with other people, young and old.
Having a mother who worked in the elderly care industry as a nurse for over 30 years gave me some insight into this area of medicine. From her experience it certainly seemed that the nursing homes she worked at were putting profit above people and not only were they not honouring of the residents, the schedules and workload placed on the nurses created an overload situation that lead to bickering amongst the nurses out of a continued pushing through exhaustion. At least that was her experience, but one that I feel is very common in this field. As Coleen said, all we have to do is put ourselves in the position of the elderly person and how we would want to be treated in order to change this system. But that would mean we also have to look at the fact that we are going to die someday too!
Could it be that the whole care system needs to be looked into and changed? Pre-natal-care, child-care, self-care, aged-care, palliative-care all fit into the same model where someone is dictating the terms and there is no true understanding from ‘go-to-wow.’ So we end up with a push or drive that serves no one and is debilitating for all concerned. If we start with pre-natal-care from being self-caring this would take us on the path of be self-loving before we get to loving-care. Loving-care sets a true bar that is simple to follow as we are all naturally self-nurturing beings and by following simple loving rhythms we would all benefit in every aspect of life.
And we do know, that the way a society treats its elderly as a reflection upon the quality and integrity of that society
The quality we see in our elderly should be seen for the amazing people they are so that they pass-over in full connection to their inner-most essence.
A new perspective in aged care is much needed with a true compassion and understanding for ourselves firstly to be offered to all no matter what our age but espcially in later years to be held with the gentleness, delicacy and sensitivity we are. “As we age, do we not all truly want the constancy of God’s Love, which is always available for us to express to each other – through a gentle touch, an open smile, a caring look and the time to share our feelings?” beautiful Coleen .
Absolutely agree Coleen – a new perspective is definitely required for Aged Care. From experience I have seen the effect on older people from well-intentioned-super-busy carers rushing in and rushing out like express trains and banging around in the kitchen to throw some food together for the person to eat – simply another number in the numerous calls to be done within their shift time..
It unsettles the older people deeply and leaves them feeling exhausted and uncared for as well as the carer drained at the end of their day.
The way we connect with others is as important to their wellbeing as any medical care one can receive and plenty of research backs this up. The way we communicate is healing or harming. I know several people working in aged care and the stories they tell me are shocking. I’ve even heard of facilities in which staff are unable to share any human aspects of themselves (such as the type of family they have, the suburb they live etc.) with patients as this is labelled ‘too personal’. Nobody wants to end up in aged care because we all know how horrendous it is despite the best efforts of many dedicated staff. These facilitates are currently being used as money makers rather than offering any true care and it makes them very difficult to live or work in.
Awesome Colleen you are correct in saying a new perspective is needed. Universal Medicine has a very successful Aged Care model that ticks all the boxes. They do because of our loving all involved live – they live holding themselves with dignity, respect, compassionate and gentleness hence a clearer perspective is naturally warranted.
I have also seen recently investors are seeing Aged Care as a very lucrative business taking all the aged funds with the results being for the investors with little quality of care offered. We need to speak out and expose these crooks. We are all accountable to save our world ?
A profound and inspiring article Coleen. In my experience of observing and interacting with various care agencies and hospitals over the past year, the staff are under huge stress with time constraints, lack of staff and sometimes an inability to simply be present with patients – this is very detrimental to the elderly under their care.
As babies we are held precious and tender, as children we teach resilience, teens and 20’s theres the ‘bulletproof’ mentality that reduced that tenderness. Then after a long life of lacking in care for ourselves and others it gets to the point of being alien to that preciousness. Our current aged care stems from a lifetime of stepping away from that preciousness we hold babies in. At any age we are worth caring for and starting early will change how we treat the elderly from an outside perspective and from within as we age.
I have met some very caring and dedicated ladies who work very hard and do demonstrate having their clients best interests at heart, even though the system at times seems to work against them. One of the latest inventions is zero contracted hours – this to me shows lack of appreciation for the carers and the work they choose to do. Let’s face it not everyone would want to do care as a career choice, and with the ageing population, they will be needed more than ever before.
This is a conversation that needs to be brought to our communities, local, state and federal governments. There are some amazing people that work in these homes caring for our loved ones, but they need more support and time to be able to care in the way they really want to, not under pressure to work quickly, but instead to work efficiently, with care and respect. A paradigm of change that is needed.
If we were to value the fact that the quality of energy with which we pass over (‘die’) with determines the quality of energy in which we will be born the next time around, we would not allow such travesty to take place with our elderly. We are unwittingly causing great harm to our future generations by not tending with great care to the previous ones.
So very true, we do a grave disservice to all of humanity by not treating all with the care and respect that is deserving of all, and as our elderly are the ones that are passing sooner (as a general rule) it is imperative that we begin to again value the reality of reincarnation.
“There is a constancy of God’s Love to which we all have access” God is never too busy to love all equally, even if we choose to be too busy to be aware of the constant love that is flowing through us all.
We frequently hear people say that they want to avoid going into a home but the reality is that most will end up in one and yet no-one is addressing the many issues that lead to a lack of true care within them which is ultimately felt by all. It is not just those living in such facilities that are affected by this lack of care – we all are and is this not a reflection of how so many are living outside of homes without care and compassion for themselves and others.
When we have a foundation of self care and appreciation in our society , then every level and every age will be celebrated and nurtured.
I can’t say I’ve ever put the two together but it makes sense to ask if we were to look at a tiny baby and say “The current model of aged care is where I want them to be when they grow up” It doesn’t paint a pretty picture so then why are we accepting it just because it’s an adult? I have recently stepped into the aged care sector and I love it, I enjoy being with the people but the system itself is very anti-human for workers and clients alike.
The word ‘mercy’ does not sit so well with me but the elderly certainly deserve a level of care that they are often not getting; I wonder whether we could use the word ‘love’ in its true meaning in this instance? After all, we all crave and deserve love, to our last breath.
Respect is something you would say is something that needs to be always there in our relationships but in truth it is not. And in the healthcare and here particular in old aged care it is not always there not because we don’t care but because our lives are in a rush, we push ourselves through the day and survive. How can we expect there to be true care for our elderly when we cannot keep up with the pace we are all living in? True care requires space to care and nurture yourself, to respect your rhythm and honour your body and this builds the quality of care we all crave for.
‘True care requires space to care and nurture yourself, to respect your rhythm and honour your body and this builds the quality of care we all crave for.’ I agree with you wholeheartedly Annelies van Haastrecht. Living this way we naturally allow space in all our relations and can bring this sense of grace to the elderly in our care.
‘to look past the wrinkles, the lines and the deterioration of the physical body’ unfortunately most people seem to ignore older people, especially if they appear weak, and count them of little use. Older people often absorb this attitude and think less of themselves and give up on life. The more respect we give to ourselves, the more love and care the more we can mirror this and hold this for the elderly, being open and sharing ourselves and ready to receive all that they too have to share with us.
I agree with what you say, Suse – why do we allocate so little time to care for those who are about to pass on? And why do we so undervalue their carers?
You raised some great points in your blog Coleen about how heavy the workloads are for staff are in nursing homes caring for those in the last stages of their life – ironically when people are at their most vulnerable and requiring specialist care to support their passing with dignity and grace.
Unfortunately, “too busy” has taken away our opportunity to build quality in our relationships, the level of intimacy that most people crave for and that is easily accessible to all if only choose to genuinely connect, care and love ourselves first in order to share with all others.
Having trained as a health care assistant , it is true that working in aged care has mostly become about money making.
Most of the carers have a desire to serve as true carers when they join the profession , but this is not supported and the irony is that with the way carers are treated they will end up at an early stage of their life in a nursing home been “cared” for.
And so the cycle continues.
We all say I never want to end in a nursing home, why not looking at the quality of the care and if we don’t want to end this way, why not looking at our own choices, do we take responsibility for our own health and the way we work or accept the circumstances in which we have to work.
Something has to change with regards to how we treat our elderly and the lack of respect we award them – it hasn’t always been like this, as in times gone by families were closer, and lived within close proximity or in the same house as their ageing parent. It is as if we have handed over the responsibility to someone else – obviously this is not the case with all of our older people, but there is a high level of loneliness which tells us that something is not right.
It’s disgusting our approach to healthcare in all areas, whether it be the General Practice we attend or a public hospital for a specialised appointment or facilities like those mentioned here. Why are we in such a rush that we are negating the very meaning of Health Care. There is nothing healthy about what and how this is all being practised. Sure there are exceptions to the rule, but as a result of it not being our every day, those exceptions are often only accessible to those who can afford it, this should not be the case.
You can always evaluate a society on how they treat their aged… we could learn so much from some traditional indigenous groups where true respect for the aged is the pillar of their community
“How can a carer truly care for others without self-care and under the conditions outlined here?” A great question Coleen, for anyone in a caring role, be it in a care home for the elderly, in a school or hospital or in a family situation. We can only truly care for another to the level we have loved and cared for ourselves.
Dignity and respect are the very minimum we should offer our elderly. We could also add understanding of their wisdom, learning from their experiences and supporting them to prepare for their passing in the fullness of who they really are.
We can only offer to others what we have first offered to ourselves, learning to live in a self loving and caring way with ourselves, this is the gift that we can bring to others, especially to the elderly who are most vulnerable.
Care of self is such an important part of life, and as we approach the time of passing we many not be able to care for ourselves and so that care coming from another, or a community is a gift that should be blessed on everyone.
You have given me much to consider here Coleen as it is clear this is what we would all want yet how to turn around a large ship that has made profit over people the end goal. We have an ageing population so this consideration should be front and centre of all out thoughts.
We all deserve compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect in the last moments of our life in particular. It ‘should’ be a given, yet in our current society it seems to have fallen on the wayside…there is much work for us to do to bring back a true way of supporting our elderly to prepare for their death.
“I observed how older people are often worried and afraid about the approach of death and the loss of their loved ones. They are witnessing the passing over of all of their friends. Everything about this life is ending for them.” – When we come to this point in our lives, when it is the ‘end’ so to speak of our current physical life, there are moment of ‘accountability’ – do different to the end of a day or the end of a project or the end of year where we are offered an opportunity to look back and feel and see if what we have left behind feels complete. In such times of overview it helps to be supported – supported in accepting our mistakes (or really we should call them ‘learnings’) and also in simply holding steady and knowing that this ‘end’ of the life is only the end of one chapter and the beginning of another – and hence why the quality that we leave this life in is just as important as any other project, end of day or relationship that comes to a completion. It is not about finishing things with perfection, but it is about realising what worked and what did not. And also, every last moment counts and it is about giving it our all, not matter what our past choices are or have been. How amazing is it if we had our elderly homes set up in a way that supports the last months or year of a persons life in this way? After all if we supported this, then this would come back to support us too in preparing for our own last year or months, let alone the preparation for a new generation to come having had a feeling of completeness of the previous life. What a learning for us to take on board no matter what stage in life we are in!
We all deserve care and we all should be valued and should value ourselves. We are all equally important and part of the whole, young or old there should be no difference.
“How can a carer truly care for others without self-care and under the conditions outlined here?” As the world seems to speed up and we are asked to perform more tasks in less time, self-care becomes evermore important. If we don’t we will get ground down by systems and end up exhausted and no support to anyone – least of all ourselves.
I sense in our society there is an attitude towards our elderly, where they are not held in the same respect, care and love as the young, they have reached a use by date. If the elderly were held in the respect and love of thos of us who are in a different phase of life, coming to an end of a lived life, we would treat them very differently, even in our nursing homes. Could it be too confronting for us when we are with the elderly – as we know their lives are coming to an end, and this mirrors back to us our mortality in this life, and then feel the question ‘how have or are we living’? I wonder if there is more here than meets the eye which is then shown in how we in hold the elderly in our society, in our own lives.
What we are doing here is redefining what brotherhood truly is, appreciating that we are all one and that we care for everyone with the same love that was previously reserved for those ‘special’ few.
I work in a retail store that has been established for 26 years, we have many elderly customers that are regulars and I love the fact that they get the same service as they always have. Just because times have changed doesn’t mean connection, support and service need to pass with the time and as a sales assistant I love the interaction and the vulnerability I feel, a moment spent in the quality of God’s love in true service.
“I feel it is time for the quality of mercy to be determined by us all because ‘the quality of mercy’ lives within us all.” I very much agree with you Coleen, it lives within us all and we very much deserve it through our entire life.
As a constant observe and participant in aged care I ponder on the quality of care we can offer another. What is the foundation of self-care I am starting with, is my main question. If I shortcut honoring my own needs, it tends to reflect in my care for others. Coupled with feeling rushed from external requirements it is the cared for person who receives this treatment. Some don’t speak up or out any more, someone wince or moan (if paying attention I notice this) and some will verbalize the discomfort of rough treatment. What is clear to me is that what might not seem like rough treatment from a carer is quite different in a frail unwell person. So our level of tender self-care is essential so at minimum we can reflect this and this foundation is stronger than the time constraints that are worked with.
I recently saw a news piece on a new model for aged care where older folks live together, not in a care home but a community where there are facilities to support them, and all the residents help each other out. It looked lovely and the residents were very happy.
Whilst in theory our Aged Care facilities offer gentleness, kindness, mercy and compassion, in practice often these qualities are sadly lacking. Through self care and true brotherhood workers could offer residents a consistency and quality of care that honours all. I love what you have presented in this blog Coleen, thank you;
“There is a constancy of God’s Love to which we all have access throughout our lives, a constancy we can choose to express to and with each other on a daily basis”.
So true Shirl, the brochure and the reality are poles apart. Why is that? Is it just down to time and work pressures, or is it about the business of putting profits over people so the people who are looking after the elderly as well as the elderly themselves feel like commodities? Either way it is not loving or caring or what is professed in the marketing material and it is time this was addressed.
I am always astounded at the richness of wisdom there is to tap into the older generation – in terms of people who have literally been there and done it all, we have that in those who are older. It is not to give away our power and see them as somehow greater than us, but to hold a respect for what they can teach us. I know countless stories of elderly people who have reached their death beds and look back with regret on the fact that they did not love as much or as freely as they wish they had, and allowed other things to feel more important than the true value of life, which is deep and meaningful relationships with people.
There is such a wisdom to be found in the older generation – something so simple as make sure that we love as much as want to in this life, because all the achievements etc will count for very little when weighed on the scales of love.
I see the same in the Aged Care Nursing Home I have contact with. There is also a carousel of changing staff members as staff quit or give up on the aged care profession making constancy of care quite challenging. Because Aged Care is also now about the bottom dollar quite a lot of staff are fresh out of college and with that inexperience there can be medical mistakes. So far in my experiences dealing with aged care staff when I bring up important care issues there are often lies, evasiveness and defensiveness. The entire aged care system needs a complete overhaul from my experience.
Why is it that care for the elderly always revolves around time, which is basically how much profit can be made when there is so much we can learn from them and to offer another the dignity they deserve should not have a time or cost placed against it, but a willingness to offer a fellow human the dignity of love.
Only today there was another article on BBC News about how elderly people are still being abused in care homes. It is really sad that we treat people this way, everyone deserves to be treated with love and respect, ‘we all want compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect throughout our lives and especially as we age and our bodies wind down to pass on.’
Today I had the blessing to be at an Aged Care home to see what is truly going on. What really stood out for me was how ill some of the elderly were, dementia, parkinson and all of these kind of diseases which really make them look very vulnerable and fragile. It is easy to forget that these people ones were full of live and working and then it is more easy to treat them as an ‘old person’ instead of a fellow human being where you can talk normally to.
It is crazy to read how aged care workers are being treated – as we know – it is only possible to treat another how we would treat ourselves, so if they do not have the space to care for themselves first then how can they care for the elderly. We seem to put time and process and funds well before people, and this is crippling the system. We judge the running of a business by its profits and turnover – but we are forgetting humanity comes first. What if we turned aged care on its head – what if we deeply cared for people as they age and saw the wisdom they offer beneath the wrinkles – for them to be held in this way is a beautiful end stage to their lives.
Life is a continuous cycle, we come and we go, therefore we should care for and treat with the same loving tenderness a new born baby as this same human being as they prepare to pass over — again.
Yes Mary this is a great comment. We tend to make a fuss over babies and young children where the elderly are quite often overlooked and even shunned. Treating the elderly with the same loving tenderness as we do a new borne can be very healing and sometimes bring people out of their shells, giving them a renewed perspective on life.
I love the point shared here as it is a powerful reminder of the constant, never-ending, all-encompassing Love of God that we are all eternally held in. Yet we as a society do not extend this degree of love to all equally and instead we compartmentalise, segregate, and measure the Love and care that the varying, but in-truth equal, members of our society receive. How is that we can deny another a deserving quality of love, care and support due to ones age? Moving into this cycle of our lives is one we will all experience, and one that is as equally as important as the lives we have lived thus far. Preparing for passing over is a sacred time, to deeply heal, honor, consolidate and seed forth the Love we are, offering us an opportunity to deepen claiming the Light of our Soul for our journey onward as we leave our physical bodies behind.
We need to treat our elderly with the same love, tenderness, care and devotion that we treat our new born babies. They are both as important, one is beginning life and the other is completing this life.
Thank you Coleen, you speak of a care we all deserve.
The illusion is that we don’t see our life and in particular our lives as one. It is only a question of time until we become the elderly and then again the young and so we go around and around. Equally we see ourselves as separate from each other which we are not. We live under so many false beliefs and we do not make life about love and people – hence the mess and misery!
Beautifully said Nicola: “The illusion is that we don’t see our life and in particular our lives as one.” It is about seeing that we are one humanity and that we all need true love and care – in whatever stage of life we are. Then the things that are now occurring in Aged Care will start to change.
I feel that Aged Care has very much become and industry that has somewhat forgotten it’s purpose. It’s not about making money but providing care and space for the elderly to ENJOY and feel SAFE in their last years of their current life. I agree Coleen, a new perspective needs to be taken so carers are cared for first, so they can then care more adequately for the residents.
‘What do we offer our elderly as they navigate their way through the final phase of life? Is it respectful to offer a perfunctory and rushed quality of care that only maintains their deteriorating bodily functions, executed by stressed fellow human beings under incredible workloads and time pressures?’ Says it all really. There is so much that needs to change in the current system and it starts with each one of us stopping and asking the question, is this what I would want to receive when I inevitably come to this stage in my life because it becomes so easy to dismiss when we are no-where need this stage in our life.
What a super article Coleen as you truly outline the conditions and the pressures that care workers are put under that serves no-one least of all the clients who being cared for. How do we begin to change the system so that as a society we value care workers and that they value and appreciate all they bring. Education and training many care workers will hold, but have they been fully educated in self-care and that in order to care for others, we must first take care of all our own needs so that they know their strengths and at the same time know their limits.
No one considers in life that they may need to surrender their independence and allow assistance in their life, but just like a baby is born totally dependant on others for all its needs, there may be a time when we need support and I feel we have as much responsibility as we age or maybe through illness, to acknowledge when it’s appropriate to let go and allow the grace to accept when that is.
it is time to review the way we have compartmentalised society relegating older people into homes and institutions, that serve to further fragment and isolate, severing connections. Although there is nothing wrong with the concept of a home, it is the quality that we care for our elder people, to continue the connection with old and young, and with life, and underneath all, a deep abiding love, that they know and feel held with. and so the dying process can be a joyful interactive learning on all sides with family, friends carers and staff, rather than a grim isolated end point where you are all alone.
This is so true Coleen, I have had more recent experiences with nursing homes and care facilities for my own mother, and while it is very clear that each staff member is intending to care for the residents well, it is in the time-pressured environment in which they are asked to work, in combination with their own level of self-care, that determines the actual quality of care offered. We have not yet acknowledged as a society the impact of NOT receiving deeply loving care at this time of life… if we do indeed reincarnate, then what is the imprint we have been left with as we depart this one?
Reading this article I came to realise how at odds the care that is given in a nursing home is with the stage of life the residents are in. While they are in no rush and have the opportunity for deep reflection of their life, love, relationships etc, staff are being whipped by unrealistic pressures and deadlines, leaving them too busy to be at one with the pace required by the elderly. What effect would this have on the residents? I imagine I would feel hurt by the lack of care and time taken, and eventually give up. This is not how I would want myself or anyone to passover.
As we are from heaven why have we made our lives so disconnected from that? When we are young and in our working phases of our lives we are so ingrained in the business we have introduced from our choice to live in disconnection from the heavenly space we belong to. So it is not that strange that we experience that choice in the ending phase of our lives unless we choose to return to that space we ought to live in, the space that is called heaven as we all deserve to live in the mercy that is dropping upon the place beneath.
The conditions you describe are appalling and it is great that you take the time to share this with us all and start the discussion. There is no escape in getting older, we all will go through that process, so it makes sense for us all to stop and ponder on how the aged are cared for now because no matter who you are, we all want to be treated with compassion, with gentleness and with dignity and respect.
Yes it is so important to keep seeing, feeling and honouring the human being in the body we are dealing with be it is aged care, in the supermarket or somewhere else. Because if we don’t it is so easy to disregard another person.
Thank you Coleen you make many great points about the current state of aged care and how governments and communities need to work together to make changes that will support our elderly and allow them to feel respected and give them the care that is needed. A very important conversation to be starting thank you for bringing this to my awareness.
I feel the quality a carer gives to another is based on the level of self care the carer gives herself first.
If respect, love and appreciation for what each carer brings is felt by them first, then naturally and simply it would have a ripple effect on the care they give to their patients and fellow staff members. Disregard, dissatisfaction or frustration is felt my the patients when the carer doesn’t hold value for herself first and foremost.
I feel the quality a carer gives to another is based on the level of self care the carer gives herself first. So true Loretta, for how can we truly care for others when we have no clue how to care for ourselves. Self-care is where it starts, and no matter what your profession is, everyone gets the reflection of what you live and more times than not the reflection is more powerful than words.
It seems that all of our health care system needs reviewing so that the quality of care received is in line with what we all deserve. Training plays a pivotal part in bringing this about and so far we have seen health care education that does not do this. It is time for change and some much needed self care for all health care workers.
Every life is valuable, every life is worth respect and it is always good to remember that we are all equal no matter what we do or how much we earn. When companies cut corners to make money from the care of the elderly i tis concerning. I have recent experience of some nursing homes and while some do not have the recourses that others have, the management and staff make all the difference. One place I knew changed hands and the difference was startling. Staff hours were cut and staff were very unhappy. There was an obvious degrading of standards.
I so appreciate the volunteers who come in to visit just to include the oldies in their lives. This is a quality of kindness and having people around just living their lives keeps things interesting.
It is really important that we take care and not write someone off because they are winding down their life. It is vital that we meet them as long as we can.
In the transient and stressful society we live in today, no one allows themselves the time to take care of our ageing population, elderly people need to feel as important within society now as they were when they were younger, compassion and understanding is a great starting point.
‘What do we offer our elderly as they navigate their way through the final phase of life?’ Coleen this is a great question because we have an ageing population that we show no true respect or care for. If we lived from a basis of love we would be ensuring that our elderly are both respected and cared for.
Beautifully said, Samantha – it is the “Physician, heal thyself,’ syndrome referred to in the Bible by the beautiful Master Jesus, that we all could heed and live from ourselves before supporting others.
I found that many a staff working in this environment have much to heal themselves. This is where the key to support another is to offer true care to ourselves first. We have an undervalued staff team often with depression, back pain, health issues, low incomes, low self worth supporting people with chronic, lifestyle and age related issues. How can there be true support…time for a change, this is endemic in society, how many people relate to become older negatively, it is often denied and derided and yet we all will experience it. Making it as relevant as every other age phase it is critical for us to appreciate what there is to learn and to truly support others in the process.
I have worked with older people and I have found much of what you say to be true, also here in the UK. For me it shows an attitude that is prevalent in society that it is all about the here and now, with no real responsibility or consequences for the future. The short term, quick fix, approach, making it about the self and now, with no true preparation for old age is part of the issue. Once people become older, there is not provision because no one has been truly preparing for it. I mean this in terms of finance, health, responsibility, openness to learn, many get to the end to life and and have not planned for it and have not cared for their body in a way that enables them to enjoy or move in a way that allows them to live life as fully as possible. There is major disregard throughout society concerning this lack preparation. This disregard I feel is mirrored and reflected back to older people as they become more vulnerable and weak and have to receive support from other people. However we all have a choice in it and we are all in it together, we can offer true love and care to another and ourselves and it is necessary if there is to be some real changes when it comes to provision for older people’s care and support. It is an under appreciated sector, where the the essential role for supporting another to pass over is undervalued.
The way that we are “doing” Aged Care at the moment certainly needs to be exposed. In this exposure we need to look at our own attitudes towards getting older, have more frequent and real conversations around end of life issues and support the carers who work with older people by valuing the work that they do and improve their work conditions.
It’s a puzzle worth unpicking – the qualities you mention are of course what we would like to be offering not only in Aged Care, but in life… on a consistent basis. There needs to be a change in the way we ‘do’ life so that this quality is always there. If that means we ‘do’ less then so be it, but the important thing is our being-ness, with ourselves and with others.
“Compassion, Gentleness, Dignity & Respect”. These are qualities that any of us would love to have expressed towards us in any moment, but no more so as we age, especially in the last years/moments of our lives. Sadly this is not what the current aged care system is offering the elderly; in fact it is often quite the opposite. Maybe we all need to remind ourselves that most of us will be in this situation one day and how would we like to be treated; definitely with all of the above plus the understanding from those caring for us that the body may be old, breaking down and infirm but inside nothing has changed, our essence of who we are is ageless.
Great that you call out here the real lack of mercy evident in our low grade aged care and in the overall levels of respect for the elderly. We too readily turn a blind eye to the implications of the stark reality in this demographic group, conveniently bypassing our collective responsibility and burying our heads in the sand.
Thank you Coleen for a great article outlining what the conditions are in most Nursing Homes.
I have worked in them for most my working life, and quality of care is definitely not at the top of the list. It is greed that run these businesses and until a new model is based on compassion, human dignity, and respect for the elderly and staff, nothing really will change. It is us who can create this new model and bring it through for mankind.
There is so much knowledge, wisdom and lived experience in our elderly, and yet it is such a wasted opportunity for us all.
I am deeply interested in Aged Care facilities… how poor they can be, how important they are, how stressed the staff are, how burdensome the system is, and how massive a problem this is going to be as time goes on and there are more and more people becoming dependent on the system. Its extraordinary how poor the system is – there is a different way to do this.
I have found the staff in these facilities to be truly amazing however the system is financially bursting at the seams and relies heavily on the good will of the workers to compensate for a lack of necessary resources – including the resource of time.
Absolutely so, Danna – returning to the true meanings of words would serve us all in ways not imaginable – and bring such beauty and precision to our speech that we would all be Shakespeares.
Beautiful Coleen, we need those words to be re-written so they speak, we need to re-learn the true meanings of words. We need to emphasise what is true about them and live them. How beautiful would it be if we came back to the true meaning of words and made them our living truth? So whenever it is not lived it will stand out, but whenever it is lived it will be deeply felt in a very true way.
“There is a constancy of God’s Love to which we all have access throughout our lives, a constancy we can choose to express to and with each other on a daily basis.” I love this line Coleen it is something that is so true yet many of us forget daily. The fact that God is there constantly with us is something many of us find hard to accept yet once we get out of our heads and drop into our body and heart we know it to be true.
Great message Coleen about how we choose busyness instead of those moments to stop and look into another’s eyes and connect with true compassion – it only takes a moment and can change one’s day. As a nurse I used to complain about being too busy and not having time for patients. Yet I would go out late on shift work, over tire myself and eat poorly, consume caffeine and sugar – if I had the time, I couldn’t have connected anyway because I wasn’t connected to myself. So I feel there is a dishonesty we are choosing in being too busy and the moments that are really nourishing and heart expanding are those when we do connect.
Such a great point Simon, if we are not connected to ourselves first then there is little chance of us connecting to another, having worked in health care for 20 years I can definitely say that the best carers/ nurses are the ones that know themselves well and look after themselves accordingly.
Yes, Christine, the fragility and vulnerability that occurs with an ageing body does leave the elderly more open to connecting with their love through this fragility, I feel. Why we do not consistently offer the opportunity to honour this is a question well worth the asking, I feel. I’ve a sense that it is too exposing of the way we operate in society generally – that is, in opposition and disregard of our fragility – hence, our inability to accept that quality in the elderly. Rather, we tend to write them off as the ‘unproductive’ end of our work spectrum and as ‘feeble,’ in a derogatory sense, rather than as sensitively fragile.
I love your blog Coleen. The pressure the workers in the field are under contributes to an already low one-to-one time ratio. Add to this a lack of awareness around consistent quality of care that can only really come from a body that has been nurtured itself and we have a recipe for a not so great aged-care system. Do we really value our elderly and value those who work with our elderly so that the importance of self-care becomes fundamental to any training and not simply a tick the box to ensure we are doing our legal minimum? I am not sure we do as a rule but I hope blogs like this and workers in the field like you Coleen inspire lasting change.
What life is truly all about descends like a blanket in our last few years of life and if this has not already been discovered, it can be an overwhelming time. To have others around us living the love and truth of what our existence has truly meant, to receive and have the opportunity to come home to ourselves through the gentle hands on presence in another is what the end of our lives should be about. The systems in aged care are set up to keep us separated from the truth of who we are, our beauty, love and amazingness. Things need to change in this system and the valuing of our aged loved ones needs to happen. The time has come to support our aged care workers with all they need to loving put in place what is needed, what we ourselves would like to know is there for us when our time comes.
So much focus is on the young and youthful, but then when it comes to the elderly its almost as if people want to avoid them as it represents something that people do not want to deal with in their own lives. This is what happens when death is seen as a final end I suppose, but with the understanding that it’s just the end of one cycle and the beginning of another, there would be less fear, and much more acceptance of getting old and dying.
Self-care really is the key to help improve the level of service in all industries across the board, especially when the industry is based on the care of other people.
Absolutely, Eleanor : without a deep level of care and tenderness for ourselves, we cannot possibly offer this to others.
Moreover, with a deep level of personal self care emerges a natural expression of wanting to care for others in the same manner – a lovely magic happens in that.
Beautiful Coleen, anytime love for self meets love for others, we are in brotherhood and magic happens.
Yes Eleanor it may take a while for society to get this but without self care we are really setting ourselves up to fail. True Self care needs to be in education standards across all sectors.
I totally agree, Coleen. You have made some very valid points. Is this not the type of care that we all deserve, at any age? Do we not all deserve to be treated with tender loving care. Is it not our responsibility to treat others with tender loving care, especially the elderly as they are going through possibly the most difficult time in their lives? After all, we were all young once and most likely will all be old soon enough! Thank you for your sharing.
Thank you, Belinda. The time when the physical body is usually at its most vulnerable and fragile is precisely the time to honour it and to be deeply tender, I feel. Otherwise we perpetuate an attitude of dismissiveness towards the physical which I find very dishonouring and, certainly, very disrespectful.
Thank you Coleen. I was speaking with a woman who works in aged care yesterday and she confirmed many of the things you have expressed here. This woman actually goes to work on her days off just so she has time to connect to the elderly people she works with as in her words “we do not get time to connect with people while we are working”. The stress placed on aged care workers and residents is enormous and I absolutely would not wish this end on any human being. I shared this blog with this woman today and I know she will feel it is a great support.
I see what you have described here, Colleen, as ‘equality,’ ‘responsibility’ and ‘love’ rather than Mercy. To me, ‘mercy’ means to spare someone from suffering. With the lack of dignity and care afforded to the elderly across society, brining a desperately needed change to the aged care system and the way the elderly are treated by others within the community, would, sadly, be an act of ‘mercy.’ But what our elders need in their final years is not mercy, but to be honoured, nurtured and tended with love, care and dignity. This should not be an act of sympathy, but one of equality. Of young eyes looking into old ones and seeing that they are the same, just at different points along their life’s journey.
Good call Mary, there is so much wrong with this world when we see nurses and care workers not getting paid enough and then as you say we have footballers who are getting paid huge amounts only to see them on the front pages of the newspapers having blown lots of it on a wild night out, what is this saying to our young people? We are glamourising the wrong role models every nurse and care worker needs to have the appreciation they deserve and this of cource means includes learning to appreciate themselves.
I couldn’t agree with you more mary, how can you compare the loving care and attentiveness to our wellbeing from a nurse, to that of a footballer that runs around disregarding his body through rigorous training and the on-ground physical battlefield, all in the name of sport and entertainment. Something is very wrong with this picture that we can’t see the imbalance of that equation.
I have often had the same conversation myself, Mary: who determines that a sports star is valued so incredibly highly and a genuine professional carer is so incredibly undervalued? I guess, at the end of the day, we did – collectively – other wise it could never have happened that way.
‘Why do we as a society consistently avoid choosing to express this constancy of love in taking care of our elderly and those in Aged Care facilities?’ Great question. Why do we not place the same value in the quality of care with our elderly as we do for children or any other group within our health and social care system? For me I feel this is a reflection of our society and our way of looking at the later years of our lives. We see ourselves as retiring from work, trying to fit in those things we were not able to do while working before we get to old to do so and then simply waiting. We don’t value ourselves in this stage of our lives for what we can offer society and so we do not value others in this stage of life for the same reason.
Definitely, Michael. I’ve observed many ( not all ) elders revert to hobbies from their earlier lives, before the responsibilities of work and family emerged, once they have retired. It’s lovely to see playfulness in our elders but I’ve had a sense, at times, that they revert to this because society is expecting or asking nothing further from them. As you say, we have not placed value on what elders can bring in terms of wisdom and experience, life skills and the perspective formed by longevity. Bring on the elders who do this in spite of societal expectation , I say 🙂
Well said Michael a complete change around is needed so we can bring back the the love, respect and value that is so obviously missing for our elderly.
Thats awesome Elizabeth it is so inspiring to hear. When we appreciate our work everyone benefits, anyone who works with you Elizabeth will feel your love and appreciation for them and receive that as a wonderful healing.
I find it mindblowingly crazy that old age and death is inevitable yet we still as a society avoid dealing with it, we can put so much effort into planning holidays, retirement, sporting events etc. yet not many of us actually prepare ourselves for getting old and dying. It is still an issue that many of us bury our heads in the sand and try our best to avoid, by preparing ourselves for getting old and death we are actually being really self loving and responsible.
There seems there is a huge lack of appreciation for our elderly which is increased by the lack of appreciation and acceptance they have for themselves. It is time to stop glamourizing the young and instead bring honor and acceptance to all ages.
So beautifully and truthfully expressed, Samantha. I have been observing how the focus seems to be on preparing for the funeral and the financial aspects of this, rather than to focus on the actual passing over itself. It seems to me that this omission occurs because as a society we have bastardised our views on reincarnation or because we believe one life is it. In either of these cases, there would appear to be nothing to prepare for, the first case being where your reincarnation is determined almost in spite of you ( there is a sense of dissociation from causality); in the second case – you’re gone- done and dusted – so nothing to prepare for at all: it’s all over.
Bringing the truth of reincarnation to these matters would enable people to make clearer decisions around death, dying and the preparation for the same. I know that bringing the truth of reincarnation to these matters would enable people to make clearer decisions around death, dying and the preparation for the same. I know that for me, pre Universal Medicine, I witnessed death and dying and was horrified by the lack of honouring, as well as the avoidance of everyone to see what was going on.
My father has sometimes joked that in his old age all he wants from me is to be in a nice care home.
Whilst I can laugh it off, the truth behind his words is that it is so important to be as equally cared for and valued no matter what our age. From birth we are treated with such delicacy and love, that is lost as we grow up, but why is this not a consistent way of being with people throughout their lives?
It is especially needed when people age and once again they are fragile and delicate, yet filled with wisdom.
We all know what true care and love feels like, and this should be the norm.
So true, Mariette: with Love as our foundation so much, if not, all of our world would be completely different, including the way in which we treat our elderly. How would it look with Love as our absolute foundation…..?
A true and new perspective on age care, this is very much needed indeed, in every country. For me how we take care of the elderly is just a reflection of how we take care of ourselves and how we live our lives. If love would be our foundation, we would never treat the elderly the way we are doing now.
I love connecting with the elderly and taking an interest in their stories. It’s so easy to forget that they are walking around with a life time of experience and wisdom. Yes, there needs to be a level of care for people at the end of their lives that reflects the respect for the lives they have lived.
When much older and nearing the end of this lifetime the limitations put on care for the elderly become so ‘time monitored’. The pressure on the carers (from my experience of observing this) is to rush through a tick list, no time to get to know their patients/clients its all about seeing everyone in their day as fast as possible. As you share Coleen the carers own self worth is at the lowest of the low this does need to be looked at as many of us (including those with the rule books) will age.
I would so love it if the ‘keepers’ of the rule books, and the creators of the rule books, could connect with what you express here so beautifully, Marion.
So beautiful Coleen, as I agree, we all want to know that when we get older and are in need of care, that we will be treated with gentleness, respect and love. What you have shared as your observations is far from that. We do need to look at how we are setting up these aged care facilities, because one thing is for sure, we are all going to get old and we will definitely all want to be treated with dignity, so we need to look at how we can ensure that happens.
Beautiful exposé of the real uncaring face of the caring industry and the devastating effects of believing that we live only once and do not come back, a result of which is not care fondly for people that are in the latest stages of their life helping them to prepare for the journey ahead and, instead, simply running a business or a service that looks good but that in truth does not deliver good.
What you present is so true Coleen. Employee self care and true support for the elderly is sorely missing in the aged care environment – I have seen it in the nonprofit organisations I encounter AND in for-profit environments, so legal structure and organisational purpose make no difference. There are systemic changes that need to take place if our older people and those preparing for death are to be honoured to the degree they need to be, as well as personal ones in terms of staff.
Regarding staff in the aged care sector, some of whom I’ve worked with – and, like Coleen, also know of the difficulties and pressures they are under – it will possibly need enough of them to stand up and 1) refuse to work under the prevailing conditions and 2) let their employers know the degree of care afforded to their charges under the current system is intolerable.
Thank you Coleen, I appreciate you writing and sharing what is a responsability for us all as part of Humanity.
We are all ageing and for those of us that reach that stage in life, we will all requires tender care and love. How many are receiving this I hear you ask??
It is time to step up and through the love and care for ourselves we too can care lovingly for the elderly without absorbing but simply being our natural loving selves.
Thank you for presenting this as a responsibility for us all Nicole. It’s easy to make it someone else’s problem, taking a ‘not in my backyard’ approach – if only for ourselves. Today’s adult is tomorrow’s elderly person: one day it will be us in the hot seat, and our loved ones. No one wants to pass over in fear.
It’s truly awful to observe and feel how the care industry operates, regularly paying lip service towards offering a quality of care but in reality it’s never delivered because the whole foundation from which it operates is deeply flawed. Sadly the state of our healthcare industries and the resulting service that is ‘out there’ for our elders is a reflection of our own deep disregard and lack of self-care we have towards ourselves. When we turn this around we will then see a care industry that offers a true quality of care for people in their later years.
Well said, Heather: I agree – the current foundation of aged care is not supportive of the carers or of their clients. It is definitely change from the roots which is required to address the foundation.
Beautiful Heather,
I agree the state of our aged care facilities is the outer reflection of the inner turmoil felt by many.
As we allow the love within to be uncovered so too will we bring that love in many external areas of our lives. Aged care being one in great need.
The care industry needs to be valued – for the service they offer can be deeply sacred at such a precious time of life.
Self-care needs to be a natural part of anyones life, especially in the health industry and this must be supported.
How we treat the elderly in nursing homes is very sad and until we all practice self-care we won’t see change. You have raised some very valid points Colleen.Thank you for sharing.
“As we age, do we not all truly want the constancy of God’s Love, which is always available for us to express to each other – through a gentle touch, an open smile, a caring look and the time to share our feelings?” I feel we do but we shut this down as something un-attainable especially as we get older and illness disease become the focus for many elderly people.
Coleen, I love the perspective the below sentence brings to aged care … too often we see caring for the elderly as something removed from us, far from us, something the children of the old person can worry about, it’s not in our direct experience and is something we don’t need to concern ourselves with – this sentence brings it much closer when we realise that we and our children will all age and will need to manage our situations:
“Would we want that for our children when they reach this final stage of life?”
If any of us have seen the way care is delivered in aged care homes, we would not be rushing to be a resident. The things you have described are what I have experienced, such as ridiculous time pressures for the staff, low wages and a lack of valuing of the staff and residents. I do not feel these issues come up as a result of lack of compassion in each individual but a hardening up in a system that is untenable. However it is up to us to speak up and say this does not deliver the respect and dignity our elderly (or anyone) deserve.
Even when the body has aged, what i have noticed is the eyes maintain a timeless and ageless sparkle, so when we talk with the elderly (actually, any aged person) connecting with the eyes removes any barrier of age, preconceived idea or judgment because we see we are all equally the same, the human age becomes irrelevant.
What we define as ‘what is good for them’ when caring for others sometimes come from our ideals and beliefs. It makes me very humble to know that even with a bestest of my intention, with no true connection of my own to begin with, I am useless in serving others.
Action without true care is a major symptom that cuts right across all sectors in our Society, isn’t it Willem? The young and the elderly are two groups who are way more sensitive to it, perhaps, than other people. How interesting would it be to hear this topic as a parliamentary debate?
My experience has shown me that many elderly people live with an emptiness they are unable to escape in their later years. They are left with a feeling that life was so much more than they made it and a sense that there is little time to change their path. This elicits a sense of hopelessness that is difficult to escape with many suffering depression as a result. To be met with a truly loving touch and to be valued deeply for who you are would be a such a healing balm for these people, to get a sense that love is eternal and that there is always more time to return to love provides a window of hope and a knowing that they too may return in their next life to the love that is always there. Thank you for sharing Coleen, very pertinent topic.
Thank you Colleen, for what you have presented here and the importance of self care and how it allows us to value and truly care for others specially our elderly who need the support, connection and dignity to prepare them to pass over.
We have a long way to go to offer care that truly supports the elders of our community. The state of our current system is quite shocking, something to not look forward too in our older years if we do not have family support, and rightfully so. Bringing awareness to this issue is essential.
Thank you Coleen. Universal Medicine has systematically shown how to care for the dying. They have the model that puts no pressure on the medical system, cost is low and provides the patient with the quality needed to pass in. The process offers you to discard what no longer supports you in your body and encourages you to commit to life to your last breath preparing you for your next life.
“As we age, do we not all truly want the constancy of God’s Love, which is always available for us to express to each other – through a gentle touch, an open smile, a caring look and the time to share our feelings?
Compassion, gentleness dignity and respect; how beautiful it would be if our aged care facilities constantly offered these.
In my experience with aged care facilities; which has been considerable over the past 3 years, I have noticed a vast difference in the quality of care. Some carers offer beautiful, respectful, compassionate and gentle care whilst the majority are dismissive and preoccupied. The impact of the two approaches on the elderly is marked and palpable.
Thank you Colleen for highlighting this issue.
You make such a valid point here Shirl, the consistency of care does vary from carer to carer and the elderly get to know who they can trust or who not. Yes, you can get some clients who are very difficult and can be vicious towards the carers, but the majority of the clients I dealt with were lovely and appreciative of the help and support provided.
It’s sad to see how we’ve gone from valuing what the elderly bring to how disconnected we’ve all become to one another. Forty – fifty years ago it used to be that the elderly were generally taken care of by family members or other members of the community. Now everyone’s so busy “getting on with life” they have neither the time nor the inclination to be caring for their elderly relatives. We’ve lost something valuable in this process.
It’s shame we’ve allowed Age Care to purely turn into a money maker and holding pen for all those men women grandparents parents sons and daughters that have contributed to life in many ways, having many of these facilities set up the way they are, it is very disregarding towards the patients and the workers, we need to bring back the quality, turn it upside down inside outside and make it busniess of people first and foremost.
The most beautiful experience it is for elderlies to be cared for by their family members in a harmonious way. But elderlies who do not have this need to have a place were there is an equal harmonious energy. It is a foundation which prepares them for their next life and as such it is very important to look closer what truly is happening in our society with our elderlies.
Beautifully said, Kerstin: it is a fact that not all elders have the family to support them for a number of reasons and they are equally deserving of the same levels of care and love as those who have family support. What I read in your sharing is that we all deserve Harmony throughout our entire life – not just harmonious interludes, islands of tranquillity in the chaos of modern life. I am completely with you on this one.
Being in my 70’s now I am very aware of the impact of my life on my body, natural ageing, and feeling my fragility a lot more. I find younger generations often seem unable to be respectful of this, but also, very importantly, that it is my responsibility to express how I am feeling and claim that myself, and then we might open up a deeper understanding and connection. The care workers seem to be at the bottom of an already stressed and overloaded workforce. Those who run the departments are also unable to care for themselves with all the pressures around them, especially financial. So the sick and elderly are the ones who receive all that anxiety, hardness and frustration. Your article is so important Coleen, and needs to be expressed more by all of us. Those caught up in it (the carers and administration) are so inured in the system that they have little understanding of what self-care is, or how they might speak out and claim what is respectful and loving for themselves and all of us. For, as you say, that quality of mercy is there available for us all, just not chosen.
We are in search of true Love our whole lives and it is no different when you are in the end stages of the ageing process. To be love and reflect this to others at any age is powerful in that they get to reconnect to the Love they are and how beautiful this is in the the final years of life.
Yes this is beautiful Anne, so true, we all search for true Love all of our lives no matter what age we are, ‘To be love and reflect this to others at any age is powerful in that they get to reconnect to the Love they are and how beautiful this is in the the final years of life.’
Hi Richard, I like the point you make here but it makes me question, do we really value what is truly important. The fact that we have such pay discrepancies across the board shows that we are out of balance. No offence to those that earn big incomes, not having a go here, but how do movie stars make millions upon millions of dollars and yet those that are engaged to take care of our elderly are paid very little. Do these elderly truly get the true care they deserve or are they touched with resentment and frustration due to the fact of such a dishonouring pay, are they only doing it because it is an easy job to get as it is in such high demand, of course this is not true for all, yet it is occurring. We truly have so much backwards when it comes to what we see as worthwhile.
My grandmother, who is 92, recently said to me, if more people on the street would just take a few seconds to look her in the eyes, wishing her a good day and maybe exchange a few words with her that would make her day and that there are not enough people aware of how much they can effect another persons life; and the elderly are especially effected by that as they cannot take part in society anymore as much due to fragility and therefore often have less contact with people on a daily basis.
The way our society dismisses the elderly as being of little value due to their bodily decline is really a reflection of the illusion we are all caught in. The essence of a person never ages, changes or withers. Just like we feel the pain of not being truly met as children, that once again returns in full force the older we become. It’s time for us to do away with outdated beliefs that hold us captive and begin to really see each other for who we truly are once again.
The way that older people care is organised I feel says much about where, culturally many of us set our priorities, so much is directed at enjoying our youth, the elder population are often ridiculed or/and ignored. As you point out, would any of us want this for our own grand-parents, parents, ourselves our children? The fact that this has been ignored for so long has something to do with where peoples attention is placed. There is little preparation for later life, this is expressed through how we treat our bodies, how we look after and spend our money and yes how we look after the older population. This is going to take a big shift and it is essential, true mercy is beautiful to behold and it would make deep and positive changes in the whole of society if we began to consider and prepare for later life.
Coleen you are absolutely right. Where I live the age care is not any different and it has always bothered me how we seem to place our elderly out of sight and out of the way in homes where we let others care for them. And now the problem has become so big that we tend to be overwhelmed and turn our heads from it. But I am sure that when we get our priorities away from busines, making profit and setting up systems and back to humanity, knowing that we are all human beings that deserve a loving and caring quality in how we care for each other that a different way of being with and celebrating our elderly will naturally become visible.
I love this article. In honour of us all as people who will all, at some point, grow old. I loved working in care of the elderly when I did as a nurse. I loved the opportunity to respect, look after and honour those in my care as equals, simply at a different phase of this life. I also noticed that the quality of care they received was completely fundamental in their experience of, and relationship with, each day and life as a whole. To hold a hand tenderly and to feel any anxiousness melt away is a gift for the hand holder and the owner of the hand held.
There is something so tender and beautiful about the elderly. No longer able to hide behind a strong and able body, their vulnerability is their for all to see and feel. These exquisite qualities are asking to be gently held and respected and shown the love they so rightly deserve. To be the one to provide this is an absolute honour for the giver as much as it is for the recipient.
I agree Kate to support someone at such a vulnerable time in their life is indeed an honour which is how I felt about caring for my father. I am sure many carers feel the same but are ground down by the system they work in and the time constraints placed upon them. This results in low quality care for the most vulnerable and frustration and lack of job satisfaction for carers. The whole system needs a radical overhaul starting from the fact that we are all equal but some just have more support needs than others at a particular point in their lives. Putting people before profit will provide the key to turning this around.
Beautiful katechorley, I was touched reading your comment. It is true, providing love towards the elderly when they are at a vulnerable time in their lives is indeed an absolute honour. I recently felt this vulnerability in a family member and it was deeply humbling.
Coleen, thank you for the love you hold for all, it is felt in every word you write.
I have seen many elderly fight to stay their own home and refuse going into aged care facilities. This in itself is rather a big thing. I can totally understand why an elderly person would want remain in their own home. Yes it may mean more work for others but the quality of life is substantially different. To be forced to go into an aged care facility would be hugely demoralising and is a sure fire way to take the spark out of someone.
I have always enjoyed the company of my grandparents and made the time and effort to spend time with them while they are alive as it’s clear they won’t be for much more of my life time. When spending time with them I have been amazed at how much people pass them over, speak to them as if they cannot understand or a though they are small children (not that we should speak to our children in any other way than as equals). After reading this blog I’m reflecting on how much I may wash over the elderly and dismiss them. It’s not them that misses out but me!
Beautiful Nikki! Ive always loved talking with my grandparents as well!
Yes Coleen I know that ‘condescending’ tone very well as it is used in the aged care home where I work and Is used to all elderly that I have seen. Same goes with children.
People are seen as a commodity and something that can be used to serve a purpose. Often the productivity of a company is assessed by how many people ‘use’ the product or service, it’s a complete numbers game. Is the company or business truly about supporting or is it about profit first.
Agreed Matthew, it is more often than not al about profit before people. It will be a great day indeed when this changes to people before profit. This includes the clients/patients as well as the staff caring for them.
Thank you Matthew, it’s a sad fact that at the end of the day it all comes down to dollars and cents, that we have been led to believe that this is where the value resides. No wonder people feel resentful of being used and abused so to speak and then a feeling of being dumped when they are no longer a viable product. It really is time for us to wake and see the true value lies within each and everyone of us regardless of age, race, sex or gender.
Thank you Coleen for such a great topic and bringing this sad situation to the fore. It seems to me a good place to start would be to train those going into this industry to self care first, and as many have stated look at what changes can be made to the whole Aged Care set up. We will all be faced with this situation at some time in our lives either for ourselves or family and we surely all deserve consideration and loving care in our last years.
why do we as a society consistently avoid choosing to express this constancy of love in taking care of our elderly and those in Aged Care facilities? This is a great question Coleen and great that you start this conversation. It is shocking how we treat our elders in aged care facilities and the huge lack of respect and care is evident in the issues that you have highlighted. One day that could be me, you or any one of us, which is a depressing thought, if that is what is ahead of us…. so yes it is for us all to address these issues now holding the intention to change this system that is truly outdated.
Our quality of living and presence at pass over as well as our lived life, has a large effect on our quality in our next life. Each life being a continuation of learning and evolving from where we last left off. Another aspect of not caring for our elderly and having a lot of deeply lonely and uncared for people give up at the end of their life and pass over checked out is to consider what we are setting ourselves all up for in future generations.
Wise words Nicola Lessing, your comment really brings home the responsibility we each have to consider what we are setting ourselves all up for in future generations, that we each come back to…. we are all involved in this human family, in this life and the next.
Well said, there is a huge lack of responsibility in the way we treat our elderly and it is us who will face the consequences in the future.
Well said Nicola, it is our responsibility to care for and connect with our elderly in a way that celebrates them for who they are and not treat them as a commodity or as a source of making a profit. As you’ve said we are influencing our future generations to come.
It is disgraceful how we do not care for our elderly as a society but that is also a reflection of how we generally do not respect and care for ourselves at any age throughout our lives.
So much to talk about here. Thanks Coleen
The fact that aged care is about profit before people sums up the lack of real care and love we have for ourselves and for each other. That we do not place the process of dying as one, if not the most important of things we will do is tragic. By not accepting the reality of our reincarnation back into the life we left behind we are bound to avoid embracing death for what it is and to have the ageing process to be avoided as long as possible. We are stuck in a momentum of glorifying youth, discarding our elderly and missing out on the value and wisdom that an elder can reflect to us. Gosh we have got it so very wrong.
I am eternally grateful to have re-connected to the truth of reincarnation (thank you Serge Benhayon for that and so much more) and to be part of a community that places real value on all its members. I embrace the ageing process with the absolute knowing that I am loved and will be cherished until I pass over and return to do it all again.
Beautifully said, Helen. For me, even the phrase “got it wrong” does not reflect the depth of our ignorance and wilful avoidance of these issues. It often feels to me as though, as a collective, we spin ever darkening clouds around theses matters so as to render them invisible to the eye and to the mind and this done wilfully so. I do not have a word to express this level of avoidance – even wilful stubbornness doesn’t describe it fully.
Hi Helen it is indeed an atrocity that the aged care industry is about profit before people. I work in an aged care home, which is on the ‘high end’ of aged care homes and offers 5 star facilities, even so, the care that is actually given is not nurturing, and is exhausting both parties, the workers and the residents. It is a highly glamourised scenario. Often I have found the elderly to be disempowered, given up, and even long gone (in their minds). There really needs to be some true care. Love what you have said about reincarnation!
It is clear to see that the training carers receive for giving aged care needs to be addressed, because this way of living for everyone involved is less than what anyone deserves, both in their working life and towards the end of life – everyone deserves more care than what has been described here.
It’s true nobody is getting any younger and we may need looking after. The whole of society needs to wake up and make a change towards care and love for everyone especially the aged. What really makes my blood boil is every now and again you hear about a world World War 2 hero being mugged and beaten by cowardly youths. Now in his day the Old fella would have probably given them a good kicking but the lack of respect for our elderly results in this.
“rushed quality of care that only maintains their deteriorating bodily functions, executed by stressed fellow human beings under incredible workloads and time pressures?”
This statement is such a sad reflection on what is happening to older people in residential care and yet I know that there are many people working in this sector who do really care but they tend to burnout very quickly because of the lack of support and c are for them. To offer true self care workshops in these facilities would be such a gift for them and the older people they are caring for.
No one has the foresight to see that they too are aging and could possibly find themselves in an aged care facility. I know how I would like to be treated if I ended up there.
Yes Natalie… somehow the system needs to change because we are all heading towards those elder years. Recognising that the essential ingredient in any caring profession is based on the quality of care we have with ourselves, (a caring relationship with self), we then effortlessly bring THAT quality to a patient, in fact, to anybody that we interact with. It is THAT quality that will revolutionise the business of health care.
Ha! great point Natalie. These systems run by people seem to gloss over the fact that they too will one day be in the same position as the elderly they treat so poorly in favour of the mighty dollar.
You have raised some insights into this area of which I was not aware. It seems to me the low pay and less than adequate conditions of the staff, seems to say a lot about the value we place on our elderly and on aged care. Why do we dispossess our elders?
Having worked as a carer, we often found it difficult to cover the shifts and quite often if more than one carer got sick we were unable to find someone to take over and the extra work load would then be spread across and given to the other carers, which stretched their working day even further and the knock on effect of squeezing extra clients in put a strain on the carer and the other clients who would miss out and get a rushed service. No one wins with the way the care system is currently set up.
This just shows how important it is that everybody in society takes responsibility for aged care, each in their own capacity, be that with family members, neighbours, friends, etc. We cannot leave this as a load on the shoulders of a few, that have made this their profession.
I felt very touched by the compassion and respect for our elderly with which this article is written.
If we thought about how we would like to be treated when we reach the age where we need day to day help to live perhaps things would change. I have had a little experience of aged care facilities recently and some of it was great and some not. The frustration that came up was about not being listened to. There were many meetings where loved ones were encouraged to express what they felt would be good to change, the thing was that no expressing ever made a difference. It was a token appeasement by the management to pretend action may happen. It never did. On the other hand, the carers were devoted people who were beautiful to watch. Most of them loved their charges and respected them. The pressure seemed to come from money. The rushing comes from being understaffed. The quality of the food seems to be from not paying for a trained cook and cutting corners with quality. One of the managers said to me no one works in aged care for the money. Many of the managers left because they were discouraged with the little they could do to improve things.
Aged care should never be a business run for profit. There needs to be a system based on love and respect. We need to have this education from young, where we value all our members, then attitudes will change and our foundations for aged care will be different.
This week I have had the honour of working with some aged people in my community. I came across your wonderful blog again Coleen and remembered the line… Is it not natural for us to want to show Dignity and Respect for another. The level of gratitude showed by these elders in giving them time and caring for their needs was humbling to feel. Your blog is a timely reminder of what we know deep within us is the call for true care.
I learnt more from my dying father than from any other time, as he could no longer hold back his love, wisdom and deeply held dignity of self. I agree, it’s a shame the way we treat our elderly in our rushed world. I feel it should be acknowledged and be inclusive of care that the final stages of this existence can be a period of immense evolvement.
I agree Coleen, the elderly reflect so much to us, more than we often care to see and feel because then we can stay in our comfort and can avoid feeling how very false our so called ‘good life’ is.
That is beautiful Kathy. We are the ones missing out.
Yes Coleen, this feels true that it is exposing what we are not living. When spending time with the elderly we do have to stop and feel what is really happening for them and us which sometimes causes a tension in our bodies which we do not want to feel hence the avoidance of our elderly.
I can relate to what you are saying here Coleen, the reflection of the elderly can feel uncomfortable and can bring up much in us which we very often ignore. In the past I have regarded feeling vulnerable and fragile as being a weakness so whenever I have been in the company of anyone expressing these qualities I have felt uncomfortable and have looked down on them. As I become more honest with myself and learn to express and accept how I am feeling especially when I am feeling vulnerable and fragile, the easier it is becoming to be in the company of the elderly especially when they are not well.
I agree, Caroline, that we collectively do seem to hold a very strong belief that vulnerability and fragility are weaknesses. And yet what it is that we perceive to be strong that these qualities look weak in comparison to that strength? Is it our ability to inure ourselves by hardening our bodies in reaction to the world or is the daily overriding of our gorgeous sensitivity?
And does reacting thus truly serve who we are by nature? I think not!
We could most probably talk for hours on this topic and with an ageing population it is extremely relevant. The quality of care that we provide to another must come from the quality that we live – and so we ask what quality it is that we are choosing for ourselves?
Be that the deep care and support for our own physical bodies and feelings, bringing the compassion, gentleness and respect that you have mentioned Coleen to ourselves first and from here we can’t help but live with more vitality and love and therefore live this with all others too.
Great point Cherise. Who can be to blame here when the very care workers themselves have not been shown or do not know how to deeply care for themselves first. Aged care facilities are very exposing of how all of us have been choosing to live our lives.
I agree Cherise, when we simply meet another open to the love inside us, it matters not what age, gender, colour or background they have as we naturally open up to them as well. This is a great contribution to neglect of members of our society we can all make.
The truth is that aged care workers, nurses and carers don’t value themselves and all that they do for others. They become exhausted by the systems and constraints and get caught up in making it about a lack of time and a disheartening feeling when they can’t ‘do more’ or think they haven’t done enough.
To value oneself as a deeply loving, nurturing and caring person and bring that to work as a healthcare worker is paramount in bringing our value to what we do and with this we naturally provide the integrity and grace that is needed to support another person.
Very beautiful blog Coleen, the way in which we are in aged care and in response and respect to the elders in our community needs to change. As you mention, the constancy of God’s love is always there and despite the time restrains that are placed on our systems nothing should take away from the fundamental responsibility we have to connect with each other (this doesn’t actually take lots of time!). Connection is the beauty we feel when we are simply with ourselves whilst with another we then can’t help but connect and know their beauty also.
This would be great, ‘Connection is the beauty we feel when we are simply with ourselves whilst with another we then can’t help but connect and know their beauty also.’ It comes back to the staff choosing to connect and take care of themselves first before this can be shared. These aspects of care have to be brought into the training of all care workers.
Brilliantly expressed article Coleen. Exposing so much that comes from the lack of awareness and care we choose for ourselves which extends then to the elderly that are in our care. We resist the Love we are and all that this Love encompasses including the cycles we are naturally a part of, such as birth and death. With this resistance we lack true understanding. Could this be why there is such a resistance and fear to aging and getting older in our society? That we age knowing that compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect are not common experiences of our elderly, and we are aware of this as at times we ourselves have not extended this honouring to the elderly around us. Thank you Coleen for this powerful call to break this cycle of dis-honoring our elderly, and bringing awareness to what is truly needed to support our elderly to feel empowered and a valued equal member of our society as they absolutely are indeed. As Love has no measure, and the constancy God’s love is a rightful blessing for all to know at any moment of our lives.
This is an important community issue that you have raised Coleen. Presently I am studying Cert 1V in aged care. The course itself is not supporting potential care workers to care for them first self so it is a set up right from the start of their training. The principle that we cannot care for another if we do not care for ourself needs to be a priority within the training manual and as yet it is not.
Dear Coleen – it is so beautiful and so true what you have written here. From my own experiences I can recall that it is a great honour to serve the elderly and to reach out to them by words and touch. As my mother approached her last years I was very aware of how vulnerable she felt, as her powers began to wane and she was no longer able to care for herself. It felt so important to treat her with dignity and love and to offer her my time so that I could listen and learn from her. It was very similar when I visited another elderly gentleman who had lived such an amazing life and it was a privilege to listen to his words of wisdom, and to offer him tenderness and love in the last years of his life. It often feels that society sees the elderly as a burden when in actual fact they are a great resource of wisdom and life experience, and a wonderful reflection to the world.
“Is this lack of true care what any of us would wish for ourselves or for our immediate family members? Would we want that for our children when they reach this final stage of life?“ No, Coleen certainly not, but somehow everybody hoping not to get in the situation where they end like that and ignore the fact that we will all get eventually older and need support at some point.
I do not have to work with elderly people to support here. Everyone I hold in love and understanding, who I do not want to be different, who I accept and honor for who they are is a step forward into a more caring society. I can start now to bring a change and I always can deepen my caring as well – for me and for others.
Coleen reflecting on the questions you ask to me, the elderly who are in the final stages of life are considered in the most part to be “over it”, that there is much more to get on with life than care for them as they get in the way. It seems that the advent of drugs and extended life but reduced quality towards the end further emphasise this. However I have met many elderly people who have an incredible wisdom, the fact that we come back again (re-incarnation) should further inspire people to take care of our elderly to support them in the quality they pass over in and the fact they are loved and appreciated for who they are. That way we will start to heal the problems of the next generations.
As we age and our bodies wind down to pass on, we do not loose our worth, because our worth is by being not what we do or can. But we treat each other all our life like it is about what we do and can identify with – so how should we be able to do it different when we age?! How we treat our elders is a reflection of our society, a reflection on how we life every moment of our 24/7. This is interesting.
What you say is spot on Sandra. We champion productivity and function, and there is little honouring of people. So when the productivity and function winds down as it naturally does at old age, we are left with the truth of how we have been with one another all along. I have learned a lot from watching Universal Medicine closely, and learning what it teaches, the fact that it has won the People’s Choice award for the second year running is not surprising, because people come first and are deeply honoured and cared for. This is in effect reminding us of our most natural inclination. With this depth of relationship in our every day life, we would not have to worry about the quality of aged care.
What you say is true here Golnaz, how are we in life and business on a day to day basis? Is there honouring, regard, respect and appreciation of our selves and workers, or is it about productivity? Universal Medicine is setting the standard for a new way of treating people, ‘people come first and are deeply honoured and cared for’. This needs to become our norm in all of society, and then this will naturally be in aged care.
As I pondered on this subject you talk about Coleen, I was able to feel and see how the money flows in our society. People getting enormous payments for being good in sports or managers get enormous payments for – this sounds ridiculous but it is my observation – bringing down flourishing companies, but important areas like age caring, nursing and other social professions are highly underpaid. This picture I was able to see speaks a lot about the craziness, lovelessness and lostness in our society.
And your words here: “As we age, do we not all truly want the constancy of God’s Love, which is always available for us to express to each other – through a gentle touch, an open smile, a caring look and the time to share our feelings?” – this reminded me of an instance 3 days ago where I was walking back to the office, passing by an elderly man who started speaking words to me on a billboard asking what they were as it was a sort of integrated sign that made a series of words together: the word he saw was LOVE, and when i stopped to observe read out what i saw: MilleniaWalkInLOVE, he beamed at me as i spoke the words.. because they now made sense to him. How beautiful that this man in his 80’s had connected to something that never leaves us – LOVE, and that always are we looking for it in the most ‘integrated’ of ways. This man re-connected to love, that another confirmed to him. Just beautiful.
This is such a beautiful sharing Zofia, how blessed was that man to ask you for support and for you to read to him the word Love. Makes me wonder how many people he may have tried to ask before you, who would have fobbed him off and not given him the time of day. Caught up in our busy lives unable to feel when another fellow human being needs our assistance, love and care. Makes me wonder how many truly beautiful moments I miss in getting caught up in life rather than living every moment connected and present to the beauty that is all around.
How simple is this under rated statement “love never leaves us” well of course, we all want to return to the love we are from.
This is so beautiful Coleen you raise some invaluable insights into the world of Aged-Care. The wisdom of an elderly person’s life lived no matter their condition, is never to be underestimated or valued. The eyes have seen (so) much, and though the body’s worn, the being remains inside fully in tact and divine deserving of the utmost respect and dignity. We only see what we want to see (on an outside), but when we feel, we see so much more.
It is time to wake up and talk about the parts of our society that we push aside because it is uncomfortable or simply removed from affecting us directly. Serge Benhayon is leading the way on this front, bringing these issues up and out for us all to see. I feel that his work is so deeply profound because it first and foremost allows us to address our own issues and hurts that hold us back. We soon reach a point where we say ‘ok I’m feeling pretty good now!’, which is incredible in itself, that it is possible to clear up our issues in the first place. But then we say, ‘Well that’s great, but everyone else is not, so what we can do?’ And not just throw money at a problem but actually get in there and talk to people and start to unravel what is going on. I am deeply inspired by the capacity of what time is left in my life to engage in this.
Thank you for presenting this important issue with great care and grace as you have done, Coleen. It is something that deeply concerns me too. And the first step is to raise the issue, raise the awareness as you have begun. What next?
It seems that our World responds to programs that are put together to raise awareness so perhaps one on Aged Care is now necessary, where we draw the connection between ourselves and the elderly, that there is no difference and in fact where we are all headed. We become so removed from issues that we don’t want to think about. Initiating discussions with the relevant governing bodies would also be a great step, to call them accountable and find out what the issues are so they can begin to be addressed.
The consistency of love – now that is something to think about and it feels quite revealing. I know I hold back from expressing love to all equally and consistently so. Why? Well I do it with myself too. It’s a reflection of how I am with me.
There are days where I will care, nurture and love myself and that naturally flows to all I meet. Now when I say days I really mean moment to moment because all that can change and I can become quite dismissive with how I think, talk, eat or move. Then everyone bears the brunt of my choices. There is so much inspiration in the word consistency so why not give it a go.
Absolutely true Toni and Coleen. When we understand reincarnation for the simple truth that it is, our whole perspective broadens and changes. This issue is an example of how we are blocking and resisting our evolution.
This is so true and a great point “How can a carer truly care for others without self-care”, there really needs to be a change in support for carers, more respect, understanding, also my awareness, education around self care. So as carers understand the importance of self care and they start to live it, they then are able to provide truer and supportive care for others.
“As carers understand the importance of self care and they start to live it, they then are able to provide truer and supportive care for others.” Yes exactly and then it becomes a cycle that will serve-in-truth, everyone.
A change in our approach to passing over would enable us to connect with the person and not be afraid of the unknown of dying. Our own fears of death are being acted out on the precious person before us because we don’t know how to deal with our own thoughts. Mix this with the concerns and fear of the elderly and the space for genuine connection and acceptance becomes limited. I know if I go in with any judgment on how I perceive their physical or mental well-being I’m doing this because of my own fears and concerns. All this thought activity takes me further form my heart to just simply be together. People don’t want to feel my judgment they want to feel my love .
Your words illustrate so simply Colleen how our aged care services reflect our view of death. When it is seen as a terrible event to be avoided, people are shunted into waiting rooms, like junk in a heap, just there waiting to leave life. Despite the best intentions of overworked carers, there is often a deep sense of disregard and despair. Yet as you and Shakespeare both say, there is no part of life that is actually ‘bad’ or is here for us to be ‘strain’d’. Life and death are full of God’s love if we only choose to no longer feed into the illusion of living here one time and that the things we see are the only reality. The true reality is much grander and kinder.
This is mercy in the clear sense, not loaded with heavy ideals as they are lived in several current religions. Mercy as something that melts us together as equals.
Absolutely Monica and aging and our own mortality are very much about responsibility. We build the foundation for our later years and when we refuse to take care of ourselves when we are young we have to face the consequences in the old age. It seem easy to negate our self-responsibility, celebrate youth and live in a way that guarantees our later dementia to not feel the consequences of our own creation. Alcohol, TV and food are also great numbing companions of the so well deserved retirement from life. If we would take care of ourselves from a young age there wouldn’t even be the need to fear aging and death, as we would face it with absolute vitality and joy to life.
The point you’ve made here Rachel regarding the elderly negating self-responsibility and celebrating their youth is a huge one. The constant bombardment of the ideals from cultural media focusing on our youthful years being ‘IT’ and the youthful body image that goes along with this has tended to pull our elderly into not accepting the beauty of their lived wisdom and constantly reminiscing about “the good old days” when they were young. This I feel is really self-demeaning and not honouring of who and where they are in their lives and leads to low self-esteem and a lack of being present and embracing life in this moment, which can then lead to the numbing techniques (alcohol, TV, etc.) that you mentioned above. But if we begin to truly connect with our elders and appreciate what they bring to society, they can then feel accepted for who they are and begin to grow a relationship with younger people that openly shares their wisdom from all their life experiences. After all, each wrinkle may represent a lesson learned that could be passed on to the next generation.
Michael, I love your summation of the folly of apparently ‘looking back in time’ that can occur with our elderly and I find delightful your words..”each wrinkle may represent a lesson learned that could be passed on to the next generation.” I have just this week started to interview elders on their experience of this!
It is great that you have called out the fact here that we might be too busy Coleen too busy to see what is really going on for a generation – to look into the eyes of the people who have contributed a full life to society and who now need the support returned.
I agree Gill, it is the system, but we are the system. The system is us – everything we have ever allowed and accepted make up our systems all over the world. And so, we do have a responsibility to look at what we have created together. Our elderly are now experiencing the collective karma of all of us.
Colleen…THANK YOU. What you have expressed here is SO needed. You have outlined the CARE-LESS-NESS that exists in our aged cared facilities and not always something that comes from the carers themselves, as many of them do love their jobs, but from the system above. It is like many systems in the world today, we do not place enough value on the human being, on connection, simple care, allowance of time…..instead it is made about the money and productivity over people and of course all the restrictions and constraints follow – and in the end, we are all losing out. In this case, both the carer and the elder. This is a great blog Colleen, thank you.
I agree Anna – well said. This article and this conversation is so needed. It indeed exposes the ‘care-less-ness’ we have with ourselves and how this extends through all that we do. A viscous cycle indeed that only supports the separation of Love with ourselves and each other and all that branches out from this point. Rather than developing together our connection to Love and understanding and embracing all that is and is possible when aligned to Love.
Coleen every singel person on this planet should read this!!!!! It is exactly what is needed!!! Thank You so much for putting this out in the world. With love and deep appreciation for Your wisdom here expressed in full Nadine
Great that you raise this neglected subject Coleen. I was recently considering to work in aged care. So i worked a few days in one house to get an idea about the work. The working conditions are to be looked at as often the carers are working more than 5 days in a row as they also work week-ends and sometimes longer shifts. The rate of sickness is quite high and especially among employees who have to work physically lifting people out of their bed or wheelchair. And their under a lot of pressure having so many people to look after that they don’t care enough about themselves.
Because the body is giving up and wearing out doesn’t mean we give up on the person. From your blog Coleen, it feels like this is exactly what is happening in society. Once our productive phase of life ends, it is as if one is placed in the used by basket and discarded. The attitude to ageing needs to change and it is through self care that this will happen.
It does feel that way Matthew. When we get to the end of being productive and “our use by date” we seem to dispose of the unwanted by putting them in care homes that really have very little “care” in them. I agree with you, the more we self-care the easier the natural progression of care will happen for the elderly.
Coleen, thank you for connecting to this and writing about it here. I have worked in many aged care facilities and have observed all of what you have shared above. I would love to give this blog to all new employees that are in this field of work. I remember as a family of nurses and other professions that work in aged care that we would all collectively say that we would not want us or any others in our family to be placed in these organisations. What yo have shared here is so needed.
I have always found that is one of those subjects people don’t like to look at to closely, that they don’t want to discuss, because while it remains undiscussed people can pretend it isn’t going on – like sex trafficking, extreme poverty and corruption in every corner. However, while we comfortably carry on living and not talking about the important things, people continue to suffer. Aged care is an area that desperately needs to be overhauled, and love, care and respect put into place in the system.
Very well said Rebecca. These topics that we have been ignoring because we find them too uncomfortable to face, will not go away. They need to be faced and while we keep delaying it countless people are suffering. With aged care the little recent public attention has been about cutting down the abusive and degrading treatment in some facilities – but this blog and the comments are much more than that, they are talking about a foundation of deep level of love, care and honouring.
I agree Golnaz, we should not have to deal with abusive treatment to our elderly – it should not even be a possibility, but because we have allowed this form of caring for our elderly to continue without interceding and bringing more love and care, it has slowly slid into the abusive and impersonal routine we see today.
I agree Rebecca, aged care is an area that needs to be overhauled. We need to start by looking at our ideals and beliefs about the elderly. As yet we do not place the value on them that they deserve. They are our elders and have so much lived wisdom to offer the community. What are we doing presently, shoving them into homes and giving them minimal attention and care. It is all wrong, but it is only as a collective that we can change this.
Agreed. So long as it’s not happening within our own homes and we are comfortable, it can easily be ignored. We even push our own relatives away into these places as we have little time or space to provide the true care they need ourselves. We feel hopeless and feel that there is little that can be done but as a collective we can create true change but it starts with us deeply caring for and valuing ourselves first.
Thank you Coleen I love the words of Shakespeare speaking of Gods love equally in us all and for us all . The sharing your blog discloses on aged care and what is going on in the world is quit shocking and really does beg to wonder where is the love in it all. As a society we really do need to give so much more time for true self care for ourselves and everybody else of all ages and honour our elderly as we would like to be in our glory and magnificence for who we truly are. Simple moments of time and connection is true caring to be lived constantly.
“If we stop however and ponder on the needs of our elderly, we would readily understand that we all want compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect throughout our lives and especially as we age and our bodies wind down to pass on”.
Over the past 3 years I have had considerable experience in Aged Care facilities, both personally and professionally, and it has been my experience that, in general, the quality of care is inconsistent and inadequate for all the reasons you have mentioned Colleen. However there are people working in this area who shine a light and are wonderful examples of being with the elderly in a compassionate, tender, gentle, respectful and loving way. it is so lovely to see these people work and the joy and delight on the faces of the elderly people they are working with.
Coleen this is deeply beautiful on so many levels. Our elderly absolutely deserve to be loved, honoured, cared for and re-assured right up until they pass over. It’s very much like aged care gets pushed into the corner, along with those in it to make way for newer, greater, grander things in life. Out with the old the saying goes and how appalling that this actually translates to how we care for our elderly. The information contained in this blog could actually be compiled into submissions to government bodies, to lobby for greater funding and more facilities, better pay and conditions for carers, the full picture. With you 100%.
That “out with the old” adage is the by-product of a lineal approach to life. Misguidedly thinking we can discard, disregard, dispose of and move on. However, just like “New Year’s” things will keep coming around again.
So ultimately we will address the lack of care for staff, for our elders, ourselves and much much more.
Small wonder we squint our gaze intently away from the past that is our present and our future.
Coleen I have worked in nursing homes and geriatric hospitals and you are spot on with your observations. Although I understand that not all nursing homes are the same I have seen enough to feel that there is a deep level of neglect for people on so many different levels. Basic physical comfort, basic physical care, basic nutrition, basic levels of respect, basic levels of interaction, basic levels of the things that make us feel that we are people are often lacking. I wouldn’t even start talking about anything grander than consistency in the fundamental basics of life!
What also baffles me is the inordinate high cost of this very substandard care, one colleague of mine was having to pay £3000 a week !!! You read correctly that was not private health care a standard care home. People are making huge sums of money, greed is drving this sector not love, compassion and dignity. We urgently need to reassess how we care for the workers and patients of elderly care.
Yes the fees at these homes are crazy high, and the money does not go to the carers, so exactly who is making vast sums of money? Greed it seems is the driving force. I agree we, ‘ urgently need to reassess how we care for the workers and patients of elderly care.’
My grandmother had to sell her family home to pay for nursing home fees, this makes me wonder where all the money is going? It seems these systems are taking advantage of the vulnerability and the high level of care the elderly need purely for self gain and little else.
This is a brilliant piece, Coleen. ‘How can a carer truly care for others without self-care?’ – that is an excellent question, one that I would love to put to large organisations such as the NHS, whose staff are working themselves to exhaustion everyday without an example or encouragement of self care. In no way is this about blaming or pointing fingers, as how could we know any different when there is so little support from society for anyone to self care – it’s almost like a myth! The world could benefit massively from this ‘best kept secret’.
Loving care is certainly lacking in aged care facilities, and in all health care facilities, and in life in general.
Once we are able to self care in a truly loving and nurturing way, only then can we offer that same loving care to another.
Hear hear Paula – that is exactly it!
If we would truly allow us to know what human life is about we would respect that life is about going around in circles and that we live ever repeating cycles. We wouldn’t celebrate birth as something joyful and death as something to avoid, but embrace the cycle of human lives as the evolutionary path we are on, taking absolute care of our elderly to support them in their passage of grace to the next cycle and support them to come back in the absolute love we are.
“If we stop however and ponder on the needs of our elderly, we would readily understand that we all want compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect throughout our lives and especially as we age and our bodies wind down to pass on.” Absolutely Coleen, those are all such important things that we would all have to have during our wind down time before passing on. I am so thankful that my mother (who died about 18 months ago) was so blessed to have all those things in the nursing home that she was in for a couple of years. She had a lovely room with a large sunny balcony, and a number of nursing staff that she came to know very well, who made it so clear that they so loved my mother. They did their very best, even though busy, to give her time for chats and for little nurturing things. Even the cleaning lady spent a little time daily to chat to her. As she came to need more attention, normally, she would have been required to move downstairs to the high care area, but every effort was made to keep her in her normal room, which had many personal things, right until the end. We were so grateful to them for this. But I will say, there were times that the staff were really run off their feet, and I feel that there was not enough appreciation of them from those who employed them. It is time that workers in this industry were paid what should be paid for the efforts that they make. Too much is expected of them, just because these workers in many cases, really care for those they are looking after.
How wonderful to hear your positive experience Beverley. It shows that by raising awareness in this industry to increase the value of this work, based on self-care for the staff and leading to better conditions for them, true care can then be a reality.
So well written Coleen. The age care field has many problems that effect the quality of life of all the elderly patients within the services. I also work within the disability sector and they are faced with the same issues. What feels different about the two fields though is the amount of homes that the elderly are within and the quality of care that the elderly are receiving as they pass over to their next life. The quality that they receive from the worker is paramount in the type of life these people will lead when they come back, as per reincarnation. What are we doing about the lack of care, the lack of quality and the lack of true ability. As you say, the self care, nurturing and quality of the workers is paramount in delivering the quality that the patients need in order to feel meet for the true beautiful people that they are at the end stage of their life.
It’s always been one of those subjects whereby I have said to myself – I do not want to end up like that – finger pointing at the old and decrepit shuffling around their ‘en masse’ homes. What you have presented Coleen is simple, basic human decency and respect. So simple and yet we in society have not felt the ease of this rather gone into the ‘fix’ of this without feeling the level of care needed to support another to pass over with dignity and love.
I can feel how groundbreaking and freeing it is to read this blog. I too am close to people that work in aged care and I know exactly what pressures these workers are under. I can see that up until now I have felt given up about these issues as it has hurt to feel the collective toll the current system takes on both workers, the elderly and each and every one of us. After all we are all being abused by the current system, most of us know someone that is elderly and all of us will grow old one day.
Thank you for reminding me that I can make a difference on this issue and many others Coleen. It is time for things to stop going in the ‘too hard basket’. I know that expressing how I feel and being aware of the fact that my voice counts is a great start.
‘Is it not our collective responsibility to speak up about this and let our true feelings be known?’ Yes it is Coleen and I always give honest feedback whenever I have concerns. Recently, I presented a paper on ‘Self Care for Carers’ to care agencies. The concept, new to them was viewed by some with resistance, they struggled to grasp its purpose as the traditional belief is that carers care for others. It may take time before self care features on carer induction and training programmes but at least the idea is now on the table as a possibility. The existing system, as it stands, is unsustainable as carers in some care settings, exhausted, burnt out, give a poorer quality service (many do a great job) or leave the role. With our collective voice, old beliefs can be challenged and replaced with new approaches. It’s time that self care is seen as central to truly improving the quality of aged care clients: when carers self care and nurture themselves they treat the clients with the same regard they give to themselves, have more energy, and can work without strain and overwhelm.
‘It’s time that self care is seen as central to truly improving the quality of aged care clients: when carers self care and nurture themselves they treat the clients with the same regard they give to themselves, have more energy, and can work without strain and overwhelm.’ Absolutely kehinde2012 and it’s awesome that you are presenting this to care agencies. Ultimately they will realise that it also makes sense for their bottom line if they are not having to manage so much sickness absence and don’t have so many burnt out staff leaving.
Great work kehinde2012. This is the work that is so needed, to raise awareness of self-care in the care based industries.
What you say makes complete sense kehinde2012 and it’s staggering that the care agencies can’t actually grasp this concept but now that you’ve brought it to their awareness I expect their consciousness around this will start to change until it becomes obvious to them also.
Aged care facilities are being run on a business model that focuses on such things as ‘performance criteria’, ‘economies of scale’ and ‘efficiency’. These are valid criteria in any business, but there is still something missing when staff are stressed, overworked and don’t feel valued, and the residents don’t get the loving support they deserve. What if the business model itself is wrong and was replaced with one that had at its core, Love and true Connection.
This is true Peter, I have recognised that for the most part the aged care facilities that I have worked in have not had love at the core and it being more about the money making business. I see the same structure within private schooling. These businesses are working with our young and with our elderly. Something very wrong with this current system.
Coleen your description of how we could honour and handle aged fragile bodies with tenderness, as well as connect to aged care residents brought me to tears as it is basic respect and the situation is far from this and like many systems, this one may need to collapse before the system can truly reform.
An added complicating factor some facilities are facing are mixed ages, more people in aged care facilities at younger ages due to early onset dementia, some from drug and alcohol related brain injury and recently I have heard of soldiers with post traumatic stress disorder also living in aged care facilities and this is adding more dynamics and new difficulties for both the residents and staff at the aged care facility.
Your love and care for people Coleen across the lifespan is touching and infectious, teaching school children as your work and having a firm grasp of some of the many challenges in aged care. This blog is absolutely exquisite for the call it makes.
I loved reading this Coleen as this love is very much needed by our elderly. As you shared we need to honour them and the lives they have lived and support them in a way that totally respects their wishes and offer physical touch and support in a way that honours the fragility of their body with tenderness, warmth, care and love.
Dignity and compassion are the two most important things at the end of life. They are basic human rights yet so many people do not experience them at that time. There is much work to be done in this area.
Very true Elizabeth – yet I would like to say this does not just go for when we are at the end of our life, but in all stages of life, as this is important for every single human being, young, or adult or elder.
What has been described in this blog is very accurate.
But not only that, Aged Care has become big business, haven’t we realised the massive influx of privatised aged care facilities?
Even though age care facilities are mostly private organisations they are still 70% funded by the government (AUS). A significant reason why we can say age care homes lack quality is that there is a heavy focus on the bottom dollar leading to stretched resources, including staff. Also people are a lot sicker and are living longer putting a greater strain on the system.
All in all change and review is sorely needed.
Thanks, Luke. It just feels wrong to make aged care about the bottom dollar, but it explains why the systems are not working. It would seem that all the essential qualities that Coleen mentions of compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect become less of a priority when the focus is on the financials.
To me the paradox that I find difficult to reconcile is that we are all going to become elderly and will be in need of care yet the care system that we will make use of is one that we all decry as being unloving, inadequate and not ‘fit for purpose’ but we do nothing to change it. One would think one would want to make it glorious, if not for the present incumbents, at least for when we will require its services. I, suppose though, that this is another example of present systems that geared for profit and not love.
And where is the self care, knowing that we will possibly end up in one of these places one day. Laying the foundations for when we get there.
This is such an important point of discussion as the whole of the western world is treating our elderly and carers of the elderly in the same way. We are on the slippery slope in terms of care and are virtually at crisis point… this is a topic that needs urgent attention.
This is a great article that should be written up in age care magazines for what you have exposed to be brought to the light it deserves. Aged care absolutely requires a new perspective and an approach based on a more loving and compassionate framework and workforce, let alone general attitude… for it appears it is currently based on a continuation and advanced version of how people tend to treat themselves and each other…with disregard, void of true love and care.
A beautiful read and a great conversation to be started and I agree care of the elderly does need to change, however if this care was there throughout life it would naturally flow to all ages and areas, so maybe this is what needs addressing having a simple care, respect and understanding of all of humanity regardless of age, race, role or gender. If Love is the foundation throughout then the needs at each stage of life can be attended to as necessary.
I have often wondered if the reason we shove our old people away somewhere after they have ceased to be of any perceived value to society to quietly die, speaks more about our own attitudes to ageing and death? Maybe we are so terrified of it we do not want to see it or even admit that we are going to be there one day also? It feels like a complete denial of the cyclical nature of life. But we are really cheating ourselves of an enormous amount of wisdom and experience that the elderly have and could share with us all.
The work conditions carers have to endure is a sad reflection of value we, as a society, place on caring for our elderly. It would be much more honouring and respectful of the elderly to be able to support them as they prepare to pass over, with the love and compassion this process deserves.
I love this article Coleen, I work as a carer going into elderly peoples homes to support them, what I see and hear is that these elderly people are often not treated with the love, care and respect that they deserve and that this is often because the carers are over worked and have to rush onto the next client; this leaves these elderly people feeling unloved, uncared for, stressed and frustrated. Care companies currently find it hard to fill positions for carers because it is a low waged job and is seen as unappealing by many, it is common for care positions to be no contract and so if you loose a client you are without work indefinitely, it is hard to make a living with these terms of employment. I feel that there needs to be a change in how our elderly are cared for and how carers are treated and the wages of and terms of employment of carers as this is such a vital job.
There is so much love in this article. It is this quality and care that needs to be extended to the world of social care.
Yes so true Rebecca, and I would expand it to not just to the world of social care, to all the world with everyone in it, young or old.
Beautiful, Coleen – compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect – aren’t these qualities that every human being deserves to be treated with? It is sad that they are not naturally present in the care of our elderly.
I agree Janet, and as I read Coleen’s words I could imagine looking into an elderly persons eyes, and there reflected back to me is all the wisdom of the Universe, lived this and many lives. We cannot allow devastation to be the energy that our fellow brothers pass over in. Wonderful that Coleen has started this very important conversation.
Absolutely Janet, ‘compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect’ are the minimum qualities we all deserve to be treated with. Great that Coleen has brought this subject up for highlighting the state aged care is in.
It is beautiful to feel the care you have in this writing Coleen. Having worked with older people before I often wonder at the crazy prescription of drugs that now goes on with so many of our elderly (not just our elderly), that yes increases longevity, but rarely improves the quality of the life lived. We have allowed a state to be where we want people to live as long as they can but haven’t worked on building the foundations of self care that make life in old age meaningful and love filled. Self care has to be the cornerstone of all our lives to create carers who innately wish to care, without self care we will never change the system we currently exist in.
Our attitude to the elderly and to the care service quality that is deemed suitable for them is in dire need of a total rethink and overhaul. The mercy you describe is missing from the very core of the values behind the strategies that run the current systems. Thank you for bringing this crucial subject into conversation, in particular the plight of those carers who are the main interface and human connection in the equation.
There are often news reports of care homes and spy on the wall documentaries which highlights the abuse, the elderly can at times receive from careers – this is the ugly side of the caring profession. It’s one thing being rushed but another thing being harsh and sometimes physically abusive. I have witnessed true compassion and behaviour which I would call abusive also, so much so that I refused to double up with some women on a shift, and yet others I would have trusted my own mother with.
I get a strong sense that what we need to develop is a way of caring for our elderly that is truly tender, and that honours who they are in every way. As we become frail and more dependent on others, we are like small children in our vulnerability, but we need to be honoured as the experienced adults we are, and treated with respect.
The last line hit home with me Carmel. Treating elderly with honour and respect and ‘as experienced adults’ feels super important. I’ve visited an aged care home and engaged with some of the elderly and when you do they sparkle up and the light within them comes alive again. So beautifull to witness, and a reminder to how important this is for them, not just getting the practical help.
Absolutely Carmel and most of us would not dream of treating children without the tenderness and respect they need and deserve. There is no way you would get away with running a preschool or school that resembled most of our care homes for the elderly. So why is it any different for our elderly when they are in fact in a very similar position?
I agree Carmel, once we start to truly care for ourselves in a loving way from a younger age, there will be an uproar and and overturning of how these systems are run because it will simply not meet the standard we have come to know when living the love that we are.
No Coleen I don’t feel we give our aged the care and love they deserve in their final years. Thank you for your sharing and it would be amazing for the time, gentleness and authentic care to be given to those who are now in their last stages of life. Self care as you say plays a huge part in this.
So true, the levels of pay in both aged care and disability are deplorable and a disgrace and the staff are not accorded the time to offer the level of care and connection that they crave as much as those they are taking care of.
It’s true Gabriele the level of pay is low and does not reflect the physical and psychological complexity of the work, long hours, travel time, costs and for some, time spent away from home caring for others. For me the rewards of care work far outweigh the financial, there is huge satisfaction in being able to offer a direct, attentive and gentle care to people in later life. I imagine For others and mainly younger women with family commitments it can be a stretch to make ends meet. I’m also fortunate to have chosen to work for two agencies that value their carers and are very supportive. One agency stipulates as a minimum, visits of two hours, so carers can prepare meals, shop and offer companionship to aged clients. Still, short shifts like these are not always easy for carers. It means dashing from one client to another (my work no longer requires me to do this), and this can take it’s toll especially in large cities like London, where we’re dependent on public transport. There are other circumstances when we are called to spend much longer with clients because of the complexity of needs or disability. I made a conscious choice not work for agencies that allocate carers 15 minutes to visit aged clients.
I agree Gabriele the levels of pay are deplorable resulting in workers in these industries needing to work great hours or more jobs to make ends meet. All a reflection on the value we as a community hold these roles in and the very important work that is done in these roles.
Not are they not given the time to care properly in the UK they are not paid for those journeys between clients, can you imagine the stress to get finished out the door to the next person. Whilst we hold others more or less than ourselves we will be reflected this type of hierarchical job scales where bankers get paid millions to push buttons and care professions are paid minimum wage to work really hard.
Thanks Coleen for sharing your love of humanity with us. I have come to know much more deeply the constance of Gods love in all our lives but what I am learning more and more is that to truly access it and feel it I have to stop and learn to choose for myself the stillness where it can be heard and felt. It is through coming to know this and in turn making choices that support this for myself, that I then begin to build a deeper quality of self care. This is a daily practice and one that will no doubt be part of my own preparation for growing older with more grace. It is sad to feel what we have created as a society so fixated on pushing hard through everything without stopping to notice, feel and connect with our fellow brothers and sisters, mothers, fathers, grandparents,neighbours etc etc who all will grow old. But what we can do which is powerful is share what we are learning and inspire conversations and action through the way we are now making more positive choices in our lives. And this has come from just taking the time to stop, feel, ponder & consider that the constance of God’s loves lives and is available to each and everyone of us equally…
Chrissy, I love this ” But what we can do which is powerful is share what we are learning and inspire conversations and action through the way we are now making more positive choices in our lives.” It is a very simple way of expanding and deepening our connections with those around us. There is no control or force, just a very simple being-ness which truly supports us all.
I love what you have added here Chrissy, that we have the choice to create the time to be still to connect with our bodies and afford our selves the ears to listen to the impulse of our soul. It’s a choice worth making!!!
This is beautiful Chrissy.
We do have a responsibility, all of us to look at the systems of caring for the aged, and for that matter the infirm at any age. Unless it affects us, it is typically not part of our focus, but as we are still young, now is the time to fix it, for once we are elderly ourselves it is way too late!!
This is true Heather. We should be giving this area the attention it rightly needs and deserves now that we are young.
Aged care seems to be something we all want to ignore. The issues are so huge, the difficulties of dementia and Alzheimer’s overwhelming to live with. And yet we do have to live with them, for one of two things will happen, we will either age and need support from friends, family, community and government, or we die early. Most will opt for the first option, and so aged care is a topic that needs to be brought out into the wider community with a fresh approach of self-care for carers, and compassion and appreciation for our elders. Thank you for bringing this important topic to our attention.
Yes, Heather, this is a topic “that needs to be brought out into the wider community with a fresh approach of self-care for carers, and compassion and appreciation for our elders.” It is only by doing so will things ever change.
Yes- the issues are huge Heather, especially when the cases of Alzheimers and dementia are increasing faster than we are adapting our resources, the care needs of these aged care facility residents are complex and can be demanding, definitely overwhelming for all involved and in some cases leads to excess sedation of some residents.
Gill that’s very true ‘ we bought into the way it is, including the elderly person’ . I haven’t met many elderly with a plan for there personal future apart from financial investments and buying into retirement homes. Many deny the inevitable and thus shun any responsibility for our own inevitable passing and expect an already strained system to provide. It’s time we carefully consider our future as part of our own self loving choices to be nurtured through this final stage.
There seems to be a societal “out of sight, out of mind” attitude towards the elderly in aged care facilities.
Once in a nursing home the elderly don’t appear to be valued or important anymore. This is very sad.
And given the conditions carers are put under when working here no wonder the quality of care is not valued as important. However, it does reflect that the selfcare of the carers are not valued, or seen as very important.
How important is it then to introduce the benefits of selfcare, selflove in nursing and the quality that the care is undertaken. It starts with self responsibility.
Unfortunately, Loretta, what you describe is so often the case. So often we hear of abuse and lack of care in aged care facilities. I agree with what you say here, “How important is it then to introduce the benefits of selfcare, selflove in nursing and the quality that the care is undertaken. It starts with self responsibility”. From that, then there would come more care for the inmates, those who are in transition to their passing over. And maybe those who employ these workers will also benefit from this change in their workers and be inspired to be a little less selfish.
The impression I get from friends who work in aged “care” is that clients have become commodities for administration rather than people to be cared for, with standards determined by balance sheets. Until as a society we each begin to truly care for ourselves our aged care system is not likely to change very much. Having said that the impact that a truly caring PCA can have on the lives of their clients is huge, we must not underestimate the value of a loving connection and a loving touch no matter how brief these might be as allowed by the current system.
It feels to me the more we are looking to technology to support us the less we are valuing what we bring, and as we age and get left behind by the very thing that is here to make life easier, which creates another disengaging from life eg dimentia. Even in aged care we strip most responsibilities away from the residents once again saying you are no longer of value.
Monica I agree wholeheartedly, how do we truly support our elderly? What there is a lack of discussion about is how the quality of living of the carer or health professional will absolutely influence the the quality of care provided to an elderly person. We may have great technical abilities, making care a function, but they fall short on what is really needed bringing true care, compassion and love back into caring.
“The quality of mercy is not strain’d,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath.”
Very apt and very beautiful words you have chosen here Coleen. Everyone deserves to be treated with equal love and respect, clients and workers in the health care industry in particular as they are there because of their true care for others. It doesn’t make sense that the carer is not self caring and that self care practices aren’t the norm because a naturally loving body, naturally wants to self care, so we have to abuse ourselves and choose less, than what we truly deserve for ourselves because we don’t honour ourselves and speak up.
Coleen you have an expression in word that allows another the opportunity to easily connect to what you have to say. In particular, I’ve often pondered on the way the elderly are treated once they arrive into a nursing home. Watching my grandmother slip away into a state of unhappiness after decades of much more joyous living, having her valuables stolen and treated without the full dignity she deserved – I’ve often thought it interesting we (as a collective society) are short sighted, in that we too, if we’re destined too, will live to a ripe old age requiring the assistance of the younger generations and likely housing in some sort of home. Surely we’re able to see further forward than next weekend and perhaps start to honour the elderly more by way of resourcing ourselves appropriately across the board and where possible continuing to touch, talk and deeply connect at a community and social level. Inclusion seems to me one of the most powerful and healing ways with the elderly. I personally always enjoyed my grandparents for their stories and teachings were wise, funny and profound. The way we leave this world is the way we return – let us consider this deeply.
There are many parts of the world that are seeing the need for integrating the elderly with other normally younger generations, in Holland they are getting university students to live with elderly residents in homes, and there are a few initiatives where they have nurseries joined with elderly homes – so the two can play together. It doesn’t take much to make a huge difference to a person feeling valued and valuable in their later years. We just need to have the will to do it.
The most important thing I am aware of when being with the elderly is its not about the amount of time, it’s the quality and consistency of care, which includes listening, having regard and responding lovingly to their needs and while there, being with them with all of me. The system speaks of caring for the elderly, but the rules and regulations it expects its careers to work under are often contradictory to that care and often include the clients financial circumstances. True caring is true caring no matter what age.
Coleen a great blog. “I feel it is time for the quality of mercy to be determined by us all because ‘the quality of mercy’ lives within us all.” These words resonate strongly. We all know what quality of care we would wish for and what quality of care we are capable of giving, yet seldom do these match up. Even asking the two questions side by side we are opening ourselves up to the opportunity to change how this is present,y done, away from the blame, the complaints, towards something more purposeful and supportive of us all.
Such an important topic Coleen. It seems that our society always frenetically on the move cannot accept the slowing down of old age. When we have reached our ‘use by date’ we are no longer deserving of care and tenderness. Universal Medicine teaches us that life is a cycle, to which ageing and dying are part of and the conclusion of a life well lived. Let’s provide the carers with the dignity and respect we would like them to offer us when our time comes.
A powerful article Coleen on something that many people care deeply about, but feel helpless within, whether as an older person in or about to go into an aged care facility, a carer or health professional or family members or anyone who considers their own future as an older person. It’s a huge topic and certainly warrants open discussion on the responsibility that we all hold. One thing that has been standing out glaringly so, is the fact that we cannot sustain the current health costs over the years to come. This definitely includes age care facilities. We are seeing current funding not meet the need of the population now. But we don’t ever hear about this because it means that each and every one of us needs to look at our part and how we are living. This is very relevant for health care professionals as well as people we work with and care for. There is much that can be done, but I feel some really honest discussion, without any blame, such as your blog Coleen are great places to start.
This is so important to be openly expressed, as anyone who works in aged care would agree whole heartedly. There are ridiculous time constraints on the staff, which do not lend themselves to treating the elderly with great care and the stillness they need to see reflected all around them before they pass over. Our values in healthcare need a radical overhaul. Currently it is how much and how fast we can do things, but really it is our quality of being that is our greatest asset. This is where the healing occurs.
‘How can a carer truly care for others without self-care? ‘ Very important question and subject. We cannot care for others without caring for ourselves first. It is disgraceful how poorly the elderly are cared for in the last stage of their lives and of course I would not want this for myself, members of my family or for any other human being. Time for change? Yes!
Wow Coleen your blog has a lot of aspect to it as you can see by the comments. This is bigger than our elderly and how we care for them, it encompasses all of life and all of humanity. How we feel about work, community, family, how we invest our money, how we invest our love, how we be loving to ourselves and others in a loveless system, and how to bring love to the systems, it’s all there in these comments, it’s challenging but it can be rewarding.
Coleen you have brought back the word ‘merci’ in my vocabulaire and this feels as a true enrhchment and in this context very needed as you say ‘I feel it is time for the quality of merci to be determineer by us all because ‘the quality of merci’ lives within us all’. The topic you are speaking on lives close to my heart because I work as a community nurse and I visit a lot of elderly people everyday. My schedule is getting more tight this year because to put simply there is not enough money to go for the quality of care. It is sad to see we are as a society take this for granted. We don’t value the elderly and at the same time we don’t value the important work that the care person is doing is this particular area.
Hi Monica
Great point and very true. We discard our ageing community and why? What are we missing?
The care and dignity that every person in this world deserves has to come from the care and respect we have for our own lives every step of the way. But we honour being young and forget the amazingness of growing older. No wonder the elderly do not get the care then deserve.
Your quote shared from Shakespeare has made me realise I have viewed the term ‘mercy’ with a negative connotation and something I would not have wanted to give or receive. It congueres up images of taking pity on ones soul like I am a victim of my circumstances … Sympathy I have never welcomed. I can relate to all you share as a worker in social services through a call centre network – a model that is completely flawed claiming to offer customer service but in fact keeps us removed from offering true service to our fellow human beings.
An awesome reflection Coleen on a topic that can easily be swept under the carpet. Ageing is not about preparing for death but about preparing for our next lifetime as the quality of how we are living as we pass over determines the quality in which we enter our next lifetime. When this becomes an accepted known perhaps aged care will look very different.
Wow Monica, this is so true – people don’t really want to know about getting old and dying… so they’ve adopted an out of sight, out of mind attitude.
The way Aged Care homes are advertised indicates that they do offer Compassion, Gentleness, Dignity & Respect – so it is definitely known that that is what our elderly deserve…. yet the reality of how it is in homes is so far removed from this. The pressures put on staff to optimise time really leaves the residents suffering. It is definitely time for a new perspective in Aged Care.
I agree Brooke, the focus is often so strongly based on profit that it seems, due to staff shortages caring comes in a poor second place.
Great point Brooke as so exposing of what we are saying yes to when we all know so much better..
I have been wanting to go out, to share, to connect and to support the elderly in nursing homes for a while now. To volunteer my time to simply connect with people who needs this the most. I simply love people and love spending time with them. Your blog have inspired me to act on what I have been inspired to do and to see what is needed in the age care system which I know very little about. Thank you Coleen, your blog is very inspiring. I love what you have exposed, and thank you for opening up the questions that is much needed and for inspiring us to ponder on what we are accepting and creating.
Me too, Chan. I have been feeling this for a while now. The more loving foundations I lay for myself, the more capacity I feel to reach out in the community. This is one of the too-many-to-count gifts of gold given to us by the healing, support and inspiration of Universal Medicine.
At work, I always try to take time to talk to the elderly who come in for coffee, as all they want is someone with the time to listen to them and take an interest in who they are. And they have the most amazing stories to tell from a whole life lived. I also worked for a week on a elderly hospital ward, and saw how rushed and stressed all the nurses where – that they often had very little time to spend with the patients individually. So I spent most of my time talking to them, giving them something to do and letting them express their fears, doubts and worries. These people deserve respect and love up to their last breath, and all it takes is a gentle touch an enough time to make a connection with the person. If more people volunteered or even just went to visit the elderly, it would make such a difference.
Wow, awesome Coleen, Thank you for this inspiring blog. I can understand why so many elderly people are afraid when they enter into this phase of life. The quality of care, patience, love, gentleness and respect isn’t always present. We’ve set a very low standard of care and support for the elderly in nursing homes and for the carers as well. Most of us don’t value enough what the cares do. I definitely feel the system needs re-moulding for sure to truly support the elderly. I feel they haven’t been treated as equals by the system and also by their loved ones. I feel we have a responsibility to set a new standard to truly respect, love and care for our elderly. When we start living with an open heart we will not be able to mistreat another regardless of their age, gender or circumstance. We are all equal and when we fully claim this fact, we cannot leave anyone feeling less and the way we are treating the elderly is leaving them feeling exactly that, feeling unloved and undeserving of our time. What standard are we setting and what are we truly accepting?
Thank you Coleen, I had no idea of the time pressure put on aged care workers. Combine that with complex paperwork, low wages, insecure tenure, frustration, and exhaustion sets these people up to work with little care. While it does not take long to offer a smile, a gentle touch or meeting their eyes with respect, to nurture someone with dignity in their last days cannot be rushed like you have described. It would be a wise investment for us as a community to treat the elderly and those who care for them with the humanity we all deserve.
Money is a big issue when looking after and caring for the elderly. We are all living longer but many are sick or are very frail and need constant care and support which means long term human and financial resources. Care homes are now seen as big business so people are more likely to be in it for the money which has an impact on the support that is given to both the elderly and the careers.
Alison- you raise something that unsettles me too- aged care is becoming big business and this can even mean share holders and the pressure to make a profit where there is very little to be made due to the high cost of care. I have spoken to many managers and DONs at aged care facilities and the pressure from upper management and from the families can be very strenuous to balance. The concerns I have when big business wants too big a slice of the pie is where the price cuts occur and who loses- less staff to provide quality care, less presence of qualified staff, over worked staff and this then is the mercy we give to our aged care facility residents who bear the brunt of profit margins.
This is a topic that is worth talking about again and again and again. It is so rarely brought up as the issue it truly is and often overlooked as the ‘normal’ way that this stage of our lives simply is. The fact is that the systems themselves are set up to not support carers to truly feel they have the space to often the support, love and care that they recognise inside as what their role is truly about. Not that this is a swipe at the systems, it is a fact however and one that we can all change by simply reintroducing true self-love and self-care as the normal and accepted way to be in human life through the simple changes in our own lives.
Absolutely Monica – which is symbolic of the dismissal we have of our wisdom – not only in our elderly but in ourselves.
Coleen you share with us so beautifully your great love of humanity. This touches me to feel it so within myself and the preciousness that we all are, as life is. This is another ‘Amen’ from me!
And me. Beautifully said Coleen and Marcia.
It is so important to honour our elderly, and give them the care we all deserve and would like to receive. The way it is today doesn’t give this opportunity as it is stuck on the way people care for themselves in their lives, before they get into the aged care system.
Yes exactly Benkt – if we do not practice self-care and self-nurturing, how can we possibly offer this level then to another?
It makes sense that as we live in stress, rush, push and drive in our overloaded work lives, we leave little room for ourselves and our children in terms of self-care and nurture…and even less for the elderly. Our highest value is making the economy turn. Is it possible that because our elderly are not part of our productive work force we have dismissed them as being invaluable?
I have also witnessed what you have shared here Coleen about staff working in Aged care facilities. Staff morale was low and the staff were so pressured at work, the older people they were caring for became numbers they had to push through a day crammed with dressing, breakfast, lunch, dinner, bathing and bed within a set amount of time. They knew what they offered was not true care and so hardened themselves to get through their day. It seems that this is a reflection of what happens in Society in general – for so many of us life becomes so busy and crammed full of to do lists that we forget to stop and consider our older population, whether it is a family member or a neighbour and recognise that they are just like us, equally Sons of God and require equally our love, care and support.
Thank you Coleen this really touches my heart and all you share. We all deserve the consistency of love in our lives and true appreciation, connection and gentleness expressed is everything. Whatever age we are and whoever we are, this is important but especially what is currently happening to our elderly is inexcusable and true care needs to be re-imprinted in the world as a whole.This begins with learning true self care for ourselves, true compassion and love. What an important much needed blog and sharing.
Totally agree with you triciaNicholson, we need that love and care throughout our entire life.
Indeed we do need that love and care throughout our entire lives Matts Josefsson, as we may all age but the level of love we deserve should never waver, and in fact needs more precious and valued attention.
How much we are running on efficiency and the next thing to do and not having any time for a gentle touch, to listen, to just be becomes most apparent when it comes to aged care. Our elderly have given up on being worth anything, worth being cared for and treated with love and respect and the younger generations are too busy planning their life ahead or maintaining or struggling with the life they have created. It shows how we have lost to be together to enjoy the other to honour and cherish the other for whom they are and for what they have brought and are bringing. We are putting so much effort into improving our systems but we do it without our hearts and without our hearts anything is lost no matter how much effort we put into it and how manyfold the ideas.
There are truly some deeply philosophical and practical questions that need to be asked as to why we have an education system that pounds children in early life and then an aged care system that does the same at the end of life. What is it about ourselves, that society doesn’t like each other enough to change these things?
Great point and I agree Joel. Every moment in our lives are somehow tainted for us to not be us.
When will the time come where we as a society understand that children are not different to adults, are no different to the elderly in that we all deserve to be treated and treat each other with the same level of love and care. A level of care and love that might slightly vary due to the different needs of our bodies and different stages of life, but in its essence always remains the same.
There seems to be an idea that once you are older you don’t need cared for because you don’t really contribute to society any more. We herald the early years of childhood as ones that can change society if there is sufficient focus on the development of the child. What if the same were true of our elders, what if in their hands purpose in life were brought, and their immense contributions from a life of lessons were garnered? Our approach to our elders could completely transform our society.
Bringing up our families to understand what it means to self care and show mercy to family members. Sometimes I can catch myself saying something and stop and think is this really what I want my kids to tell me? If the answer is no then I have to live a different life. If we don’t live it with our kids how can we expect them to show it to others.
Coleen, what you bring to the table is a disturbing truth that makes me sqirm. Our society has an enormous lack of care for ourselves, which filters out to all who lay under that care. What you write is true, there is a huge call for ‘quality of mercy’.
It’s a great way to describe it Kim.
What is also ‘squirm worthy’ is the level of irresponsibility we live with as a society – with little to no regard for our choices and the impact they have on our bodies. Our elder years are a remarkable marker of our choices, and a life lived that we cannot escape. It is a beautiful time of reflection, learning and opportunity for responsibility if we so choose.
We all deserve to be surrounded by gentle care and support in our later years. Developing a society that nurtures our aged is a responsibility of us all. It can make the world of difference for older people to know they are safe, respected and cared for.
Yes Abby so true, and yet not only in our later years – I would say we would be really deserving of having the level of care in gentleness, love and support present in all our years, from when we are born (or before) until we pass on … This would make a huge difference for humanity as a whole.
Coleen, this is such an important blog.
This needs to be posted everywhere and put into magazines everywhere. We seem to be so dismissive as a society of our elderly wise ones. It truly is appalling.
This conversation and blog is long overdue.
It is a long overdue conversation, and one that most would not even look at twice even if it were front page news. Wonderful to see that one everyday person is willing to bring it out into the open to be aired.
I definitely agree with the points you have raised Richard. I am aware that working in Aged Care is not particularly seen as desirable, largely due to the poor working conditions. There is also some reluctance to work in this field as the people who enter Aged Care facilities generally remain there with deteriorating health as time goes by before eventually passing away. There can be high levels of grief associated with deaths of the people they are working with which often goes unrecognised. This isn’t a criticism of the people themselves who decide to bypass aged care work, but rather it raises the question of how have we allowed things to get to this state where the Aged themselves can potentially be seen as inconvenient burdens? Surely we can do better than this as a society to lovingly support the elderly in this final stage of their lifecycle.
There is a huge need to bring Love into the way that we are with our elderly. As a society we are far too dismissive of our older generation and that has to change.
I agree Elizabeth. It is like we have been geared during our school years to do well and be self focused. Then this carries on during our young adult years til we get a job for more self focused drive to take care of ourselves and immediate family. But when are we ever taught about life being about everyone and that all need to be cared for and thought about.
Agreed Elizabeth, what is brought to our elderly at present is below standard, Love and true care has to be the foundation. How these people pass over will affect them in their next life, so in effect they contribute to our future, to our world, nothing is isolated, we are all connected.
A deeply loving blog Coleen – it is indeed a heavy load carers carry with very little support provided for them. Our focus needs to come back to people and the loving care and attention they deserve in our aged care facilities. The appropriate level of care appears to not have had the appropriate amount of time given for it with workers being constantly under the pump and rushing without the time for quality in connection with our elderly – indeed this is a travesty, thank you for starting this conversation.
For several years when my mother was in her eighties and nineties and had deteriorating health we had full time live-in care for her. The carers changed every two weeks and then there were relief carers for a couple of hours each day. We must have had literally hundreds of carers in that time. Very few of these allowed time to care for themselves but sought relief in watching tv or eating and drinking substances that would take themselves away from feeling what was going on. In talking to them some were aware of this and others not and some did not want to know. It is evident that self-care is not something that these carers have been educated in. With self-care comes increased compassion and caring for others naturally so. With self-care comes greater acceptance and appreciation. I feel it is time that greater emphasis is put on what self care is and how to bring it into one’s life and for it to be a large part of carers training. In the long term I am sure it would cut down on the numbers of people getting ill and also the severity of the illness itself.
If aged care workers knew their true value, not just as workers that offer people God’s mercy as they prepare to leave their current body but as human beings with loving hearts and a deep love for themselves and others the current systems would simply have to change. The current system keeps aged care workers demoralised, stressed and overworked and I can see that this is no coincidence but part of the system that perpetuates a lack of care all round.
A great blog Coleen! I’ve just started working in an aged care facility and can say that what you have described is definitely the case. I’m glad you wrote this because it accurately describes what the conditions are like and how there could be a much more ‘quality’ approach of nursing that is needed which will put less pressure on workers. I did a shift today and felt it was lovely, I felt like I could go at my own pace and get to understand the elderly a little more.
The wisdom of a young man being open to what he can actually learn from the elderly as he brings his own wisdom to his job, and in the process cares deeply for those in his charge is an inspiring thought.
Thank you ! It has become apparent to me, that even though I have this quality approach, I still may be able to claim it even more, and live it undoubtedly. The other day I put some Glorious Music on in the home and some residents came and danced with me, and I could feel the true power that working in joy brings. It has inspired me to be just myself, to be at work how I am at home, joy-full, intelligent, expressive and committed.
Gorgeous Harrison, you must bring so much joy and more to the residents, I can just imagine you dancing with them.
Me too, Lorraine Wellman, and what a gorgeous sight, Harrison being his lovely self and spreading his love to touch them all. Beautiful.
A great point, Monica. It is not easy to watch our close ones increasingly getting old and frail and not like how we have always known them to be without feeling our own mortality. “Everyone deserves true care and to be treated with dignity” – definitely; and not make them less visible and excluded from communities.
Hi Coleen thank you for writing such an important article on the care of the elderly. I worked for a care organisation in the UK for 2 years and the system did not work – it was far from caring. I worked mostly within the homes of the elderly and the time restraints were not compatible with the elderly persons needs, at best the care was basic. We didn’t get time allocated to travel from one house to another, which meant that we had to short change our clients, always grabbing five minutes here and there. They relied on some clients not wanting much assistance, but then on occasions they would get ill and need more time than had been allocated. This is only one small example of the stress put on a carer and the knock on effects of the quality of care received.
On numerous occasions I would stay on with my last client or go back to check on one I had to leave earlier, which in my opinion needed more time and care.
Caring for the aged is definitely something we need to look at as society. Where I live, more than a quarter of the entire population is over 65. We are living longer but sicker, therefore needing to be cared for more than ever before. It makes me wonder what we are making our life to be when so many of us give up on life, yet hold on to it.
I completely agree with you here Coleen. It’s not just that we need to provide a level of respect and gentleness towards those who are now becoming more fragile but also towards those who are providing the gentleness and respect. If we are not trained at home so to speak, to be gentle and loving with ourselves, how can we ever provide that to another? And why is there a break in the tenderness and gentleness and loving gap from birth to death? Babies are treated with the utmost care because they radiate a preciousness and we know that the tiny body needs to be supported – that body still needs supporting from start to finish so why do we cut that off? When that level of love is removed all the issues start to appear, so why cut it off in the first place?
Do we not all want a loving connection with our fellow human beings? Yes we do, and we all do, regardless of age. We all want love and we all want to be loved. We all carry the responsibility that we take care of our elderly with the deepest love, respect, dignity and joy. The fact that we don’t, says a lot about how we as a society are living.
Well said Mariette – we all want the best care and connection throughout our entire lives; it is astounding what we as a society have come to accept and/or turn a blind eye to…
What you raise is a massive social issue Coleen and one that we have in our power to address if we stand up and speak out and refuse to accept what is happening to our aged. Unfortunately, it is often out of sight is out of mind and if we do not have people we know within these institutions, then we have no recourse to visit and don’t know what is going on. When we are younger we are often simply too busy with the bustle and demands of our daily lives and the old are discarded as being no longer useful. And therefore there is no valuing and this is reflected by our unwillingness as a society to spend the money that is needed and pay those that work in this industry what they deserve.
What you have written Coleen I find deeply moving and the tears flowed. In my youth I have worked in the sort of institutions you mention and recently did a short two-week stint in a nursing home again. My first thoughts as I entered the building, feeling how it felt there and then witnessing the condition of the occupants was that I would do anything to prevent my own aged parents ending up in a place like this. Nowadays we keep our aged alive with medications without which many of them would have died years ago, but we as a society are simply not willing to spend the money on caring for them with the level of love, compassion, gentleness and appreciation you describe – although I have to add the drug companies are making millions. Aged care without true care is indeed big business but so often leaves the staff who can be dedicated and caring burnt out, frustrated and exhausted.
Interesting you should pick up on this Richard, as I found myself searching for the right word to describe the people I met who were living in that home. I discarded a few words and occupants was what came with all the associations you describe.
A nursing home can seem less than ideal, however the opposite is that I have seen the condition some people can be in before coming into a nursing home and that within two months they are thriving with regular personal care, food, medications and company, and they find themselves even enjoying their new place because they are feeling so much better. Yes our medicines are keeping people alive for longer, but as they become more frail, their ability to care for themselves and feed themselves decreases, but their family usually do not have the time or energy to take on their care so they end up in a poor state. There is definitely a need for nursing homes … now we need to get the money from those pharmaceutical companies you mention, Josephine, to be able to provide more carers per resident for true care!
Thank you Coleen for writing on a very important subject. I have worked in elderly care as a trainee for a while and I saw the same things you describe where I live in the Netherlands. The same when I used to visit my grandmother in a care home the last year of her life. I could talk about this subject forever: how did we get here, why are so many of our elderly checked out, why aren’t elderly people part of our everyday life, why don’t we see the deep beauty in aged people, why has our society become all about money and far from about love?
With over 20 years experience in the Health and Social Care Industry I am still today shocked at how we still have not got it right, if anything the level of care has gone downhill and following the current trend is set to get a lot worse.
I have seen many care assistants over the years start of with such a genuine love and compassion only for it to be squashed in a system which does not allow for true nurturing and growth of these qualities.
I too have a daily insight into aged care but instead in community based domiciliary care and it is the same story. Time given for visits allows for only the necessities to be provided and the levels of funding to councils will only allow for low rates. I get the feeling that many civil servants know the situation but believe that it will take a catastrophic failure before the government will listen and invest more funding to health and social care. In all of this the travesty is that there are so many people being affected by the lack of focus on true quality in care, despite the empty rhetoric from local and national government and regulatory bodies.
Agreed Michael, what they (the people at the top and all those who are in line with this attitude of getting it done) do not realise is that it is a very simple shift that is required. People first, care first – no matter what the cost. Oh how things will change when this shift occurs. How such a small shift in our approach will produce such a significant shift in outcome. This will see more of the soul (and God’s constancy) more active on earth.
It seems that in today’s world everything is a rush job. Rushing to get up in the morning, rushing to get the kids to school on time, rushing to work, rushing to get that deadline in, rushing home again to pick up the kids, rushing homework before dinner, all to collapse in an exhausted heap in front of the TV before bed to seek relief from all that rushing. Is it no wonder that as this seems to be the norm self-care and connection with others and ourselves takes a severe bashing. The way we “care” for the elderly is clearly showing us the momentum and disregard of what we have lived. I know that I haven’t wanted to see, deal with, or face how we treat our elders as it’s really too uncomfortable to feel. We ignore and burying our heads in the sand with what we find overwhelming and too much. Thank you Coleen for bringing this up for discussion.
This is a deeply touching blog, and one that is super important. The compassion and care needs to return to our care of the elderly, and you have described beautifully here how the lives of the elderly need to be honoured and respected, and their bodies treated with tenderness. The support needs to be there for the staff so that they can provide the appropriate care.
That is a very important topic you are raising here Coleen. How come that we forget, that we are all the same, no matter what age? That we all love to be seen, respected and touched by heart..
Thank you Steffi it is so true what you say that no matter whatever our age we all want to be seen and respected.
Love it Steffi, we do forget that people of all ages have the same base desire for connection and care
Thank you for starting this much needed conversation Coleen. In his last few months my father had many carers come into his home and the vast majority were lovely and caring and did their very best within the limited time they had. What I noticed was that they were often overburdened because they were short staffed and this was because there was so much sickness absence with chest infections etc but also broken bones and bad backs. It felt like they were doing the job because they cared about people but they struggled to truly care for themselves and this had a huge impact on their ability to do their job consistently and support their clients and colleagues.
Hi Coleen the topic of care for the elderly in aged care facilities is something that needs some attention, life is eternal and the quality of ones existance in their senior years is the same quality that they will re incarnate into in the following lifetime. So lets ensure the elderly are given as much love and nurturing as possible.
Great comment Monica – this peels back the layers and exposes some of the real reasons why our elderly are ignored and treated so badly.
It always strikes me as a travesty that those whom we entrust with caring for those who are in most need of our care are so often treated so poorly and so often under resourced. The fact that we tend to view people in their prime as the only ones worthy of attention seems to have lead to a situation where the aged are not valued for who they are. But they are still love as much as any one of us.
‘As we age, do we not all truly want the constancy of God’s Love?’ A great question, in aged care, for parenting small children, for looking after ourselves and others during our adult life. There should be no difference in the care we take of others, or for that matter ourselves no matter what age we are, so to hear that the aged are shunned and not met in geriatric care is a travesty.
‘Gentleness – bathing them and ministering to their physical needs with a tenderness of touch that honours their fragility.’ When people are in a hurry because there is a lot to do in a short space of time, gentleness tends to go out of the window. We have seen some horror stories about failing aged care on the TV in the UK and yet most people who work in that industry really do care. The pressure comes from limited budgets leading to staff shortages resulting in stress all round. Our older people are living longer, many living alone, and moving them to a care home can be a solution for many families if everybody is out at work and unable to care for an elderly relative 24/7. Something needs to change so that the focus is on people not profits.
True Carmel… and we also need to look at how we prepare for this phase of life and the care we need to support us as we age. So often we push ‘getting older’ out of our mindset until it is upon us and we cannot escape it.
How different would our elderly years be if we lovingly prepared for them, rather than denied them.
Carmel I have bought a house that I will share with others in my latter years, and when we require assistance, we will have a live in who can lovingly support us to continue to be actively engaged in our surroundings and in life. I have witnessed many times the reluctance of people to look to the future and plan the support, often denying their fragility and acceptance of any care, which leaves the responsibility to family and friends.
What you have shared here Merrilee is ground breaking. I have heard you talk of this before but presented here it is just beautiful. The level of responsibility and brotherhood you have considered, how awesome is that?!
This is very true that in observing how we treat different minorities we really get to see what is going on, especially those who are no longer seen to hold a dominant or powerful position.
Thank you Colleen for bringing forth this much needed expose of attitudes towards our aged communities and the quality of aged care in western and so called ‘advanced’ and ‘intelligent’ societies. Your concerns are central to my life right now. I regularly visit a aged care home, and for three years have worked as a carer supporting people in their own homes. I have witnessed firsthand much of what you describe. I have observed the reality of how many aged people live: alone, neglected, frightened, often isolated. I note the quality of care given in and out of institutions where resources are scant and yet the level of care given meets an approved ‘standard’. I’m appalled at low staff ratios in aged care considering the complex physical and emotional needs most people have. I ask myself ‘Where is the love?’ ‘Where is the connection?’ How is it possible that we are touched, moved and embrace new born babies and yet repulsed, fearful and abandon that same soul when it reaches old age. If we cannot love and embrace an aged person in the way we do a new born baby are we truly being love and seeing both as equal, one and the same. The aged person vulnerable and fragile as a new born baby is worthy of the gentle, tender loving care and attention you describe. Anything less is a form of abuse and confirms how loveless a society we’ve become.
Great discussion to be opening Coleen about the quality of care we are providing our elderly. I have to be honest and say that there was a time when I felt that old age was simply inevitable but that I had never given much consideration to how our elderly were cared for, other than beyond meeting their basic functional needs (how arrogant and ignorant when I look back now!). I am now realising that age should not an automatic pre-cursor for the type of care someone receives, nor that they should be ignored or seen as less or having nothing to offer. We are all equal human beings, and the quality of care offered should be no less than any other, and this applies to the level and quality of care for those doing the primary caring.
I agree Monica, everyone deserves to be treated equally with love, care and respect. It is a travesty what goes on in many age care homes.
Some great points Coleen, it is crazy how we treat our elderly, our parents. Booting ‘loved’ ones off to nursing homes is not always the most loving thing to do. They become seen as a financial burden, a money drain even though it may be their money being used to look after them it means less inheritance. We live in a very self absorbed society and all the focus is on self gain rather than love for all. It is a very hard job working in a care home and more support is definitely needed. What will help the system is when more and more people take charge of their lives and age gracefully, thus needing less medical interventions meaning the system has more money to deal with people who really need help and support.
It would change the whole system James. Great point you are raising here!
James, you have brought up a very important point here, “What will help the system is when more and more people take charge of their lives and age gracefully, thus needing less medical interventions meaning the system has more money to deal with people who really need help and support”. When people begin to take more responsibility in how they live their lives, begin to really nurture and care for themselves, there will be far less people requiring long term care, more people being able to stay in their own homes for much longer, and therefore much less cost to the system and more over to help those who still need the extra help. Maybe then, workers can be paid what they truly deserve, and more time and true care can be given to those who require the help.
Great pont James, ‘what will help the system is when more and more people take charge of their lives and age.” Once this happens there will be a total reconfiguration. An elderly joyful and responsive person is a delight to be around and such a person will never need to wonder who will care for them. We love to be around people such as this and with such wisdom to offer these people will not be left alone but revered.
Good point James. The ‘self’ motivated life serves noone.
Yes James it has to come from both sides, or actually from all sides! I can feel there is a ‘you will get a disease at the end of your life anyway’ mentality in society so that it does not really matter how you live your life. Though this is so not true, through taking care of ourselves and others with that much illnesses can be prevented.
This is not just happening in Australia but the UK too. I agree Carers are not being fully appreciated or paid their worth, this puts an added strain onto them. Not only that in the UK it is too easy to become a carer; I did this years ago. The training was minimal and I got sent to vulnerable elderly people’s houses on my own without even them first meeting me! Quite shocking and with the lack of jobs people go for care work because it is a job, not because they deeply care for others and feel impulsed to care. You have called out here something that needs to be changed globally and are so right with everything you have said. So how do we change this? Is it by first taking care of ourselves and teaching others to do this? In some cultures the elderly are respected and cared for by the family but this seems to be happening less and less. I agree this does definietly needs to be changed.
Its a good point Vicky – how have we gone from a society that used to respect and honour our venerable elderly, to one that treats them with such a paucity of real care? Its shocking.
Yes it Simon it seems as a society we do not value our elderly in the way that we know is true, much of this I feel is to do with the many differing forms of media and how it glamourises the young and also ourselves for not claiming our worth as we age.
It is the same here in Japan too, Vicky. You can become qualified as a carer easily, and there are many jobs on offer because people do not stay on their job long so they are always looking for new people.
This is true, Vicky it seems that job pages are flooded with the need for carers, and there are people who do it just for a job however I have spoken to many who do the job because they care but then become disillusioned as they are not given the time to fully care and treat the patients with dignity as they are always moved on quickly to the next job. Could this be why they are having to constantly recruit new people? It is time to address the lack of care and need to discard a part of society that still have a lot to offer and deserve time, respect, their dignity, care and Love till the last breath.
Great points Doug. We are hanging on to life at the expense of quality and as Katerina beautifully pointed out, in the absence of God’s love. It makes sense to care for our elderly ourselves, because we know them and it supports them to feel cared for by their community, still having a place within the community. It allows time for them to share stories of their life, their wisdom learned. We have examples of this type of care within our community and we now know it is possible and will support the evolution of us all.
The training these days has been tightened up due to legislative requirements which includes documented orientation and induction of each new employee. Yes there are people in the job because they cannot seem to do any other work but I’ve found 95% of aged care workers are called upon to be genuinely caring and responsive to their elderly patients and residents needs, despite their initial resistance sometimes! And of course it’s not perfect and 100% each time. And those who just don’t care, don’t last in the job – no manager is going to have their patients and residents being treated wrongly. Residents (and relatives) are also quite capable of lodging a complaint, and they do, so it’s not always?usually? as grim a situation as the media and our beliefs can present.
That’s such a significant insight Monica… we dread our own mortality, our own inevitable wrinkles and frail bodies to be and don’t want to know about it. We do the same when it comes to death; a hush-hush taboo topic of the inevitable grim reaper we don’t talk about. And so we walk about numbed out to the reality of life, in truth terrified of a certainty we know we must address, and in doing so we actually miss out on living life in full, and in cherishing every single moment, our loved ones and ourselves to the very end and beyond.
Absolutely Katerina. This dread and fear shapes our lifestyle to the bone.
It’s no wonder that we shut down as we age, and give up, feel worthless and of no use based on the way we have constructed a societal ‘shunning’ of growing old and this phase of life.
If our elder years were respected as the sacred and deeply valuable time that they in fact are, and a preparation for all that is to come, rather than a dead stop – every single facet of our world would change, and life as we know it would be enriched from our first breath to our last and then our first as we do it all over again.
Great question Coleen. I wonder if there is ofte a ‘giving up’ all round – patients, carers and families all seeing older age as an end game, rather than an equally important part of the cycle of life and death.
It is heart warming to feel the love that you express through this blog Coleen. And I agree, the way we go with our health care services do not appreciate the people we care for and do not appreciate the carers for the work they do, but are at the moment are driven by the financial outcome of the whole. I vote for reintroducing the quality of mercy into our societies and to deliver the care that is needed for all the people that are in need for it. Our modern societies should strive to implement this quality in life instead of all the technological and financial advancements for the so called continuous improvement of life that are put on to it.
This is a powerful piece of writing Coleen, on a topic that absolutely needs more care and attention. The aged care in modern society is devoid of true care, dignity and respect is a huge warning bell for where we’re at, a huge warning bell to take a moment to stop and consider deeply if the world we have set up with all its distractions, attractions and highs and lows of modern life is truly in line with what you have expressed so beautifully — the ‘constancy of God’s love’. We live our lives in the dismissal of God’s love and then dread the final years and death. That is a tragedy, and yet we can all turn this around by simply connecting and allowing God’s love to be a constant in our lives.
Brilliant comment Katerina, you have expressed so beautifully, inspiring and to the point. I agree, we can choose to change this tragedy around ‘by simply connecting and allowing God’s love to be a constant in our lives.’ I love this line. Thank you Katerina.
Thank Coleen for bringing my attention to this. It is not that I did not know before about it because you can just feel it, the lack of care we collectively put into elderly care, but your blog really made me stop ignoring this constant feeling it and starting to feel how it can truly be approached. What I really feel from this blog is that many people, including me, are very busy indeed that we do not consider it will be us in time that will be living in a aged care home. What care would we like to receive? I feel it has also to do with the feeling of that we are only important as long we are able to work and do things, the last part of our life is deeply undervalued in society. In fact everyone counts and everything that is going on is felt deeply so by all. I love that you have brought attention to this as it will be very beautiful to make this part of human life a more loving part.
Coleen this is a wonderful blog to read. Our society is obsessed with youth and staying young looking. The aged get overlooked and that sense of no longer being viable comes across strongly in the way we treat our elderly. We forget that if we are fortunate enough, we too will be old one day. I agree it’s our collective responsibility to look after each other. The simple things you talk about like ‘a gentle touch, an open smile, a caring look and the time to share our feelings’ should not be denied to anyone, least of all our aged brothers and sisters.
An elderly frail person is the same person who was a newborn baby needing equal tender touch for their personal care in feeding, washing, hygiene and human contact. The elderly deserve the same valued time spent with them honouring them for who they are not for the increasingly physically dependent task their body has become.
Coleen a very profound article and for something for all of us to ponder on. It is time for the “quality of mercy which lives with us all”. Like you say the aged care want to have some compassion, gentleness and divinity and respect.
Coleen, your blog is written in such a tender way, I am deeply touched by your words. It has left me feeling ashamed on behalf of the human race at being too busy, or self-centered to take greater care of our elderly, and show them the respect and dignity they deserve.
I know what you mean Sandra, there does seem to be a devaluing of our elderly and care seems functional at best.
Just to add also Sandra, it seems as though as a humanity we have lost our purpose and this reflects in our attitude to the elderly.
You raise some very good points here Coleen, our elderly do deserve the utmost of care, with the carer being valued as much as the cared for, with enough time to be gentle and tender with the tasks that have to be undertaken.
Kevin your statement above should be taken to parliament and addressed here and now. Our carers all around the world need to be valued for what they do and given enough time to do it in.
Absolutely Kevin, the carer has to be valued as much as the cared for, both by themselves and us, so they take care of themselves and understand and feel what this means.
This is an interesting topic and almost taboo as it seems what happens to us when we age seems to be a rather avoided topic. I have seen throughout my own life that as people age many become considered a burden and are not cared for or given the true respect or treated with the dignity that they deserve. I have also seen as you have described Coleen how much the aged care system is set up in such a way that it does not offer true care, placing unrealistic expectations on nurses and carers and in no way offering the time or attention needed to the development of true self-care amongst staff or patients. I feel as you say it is time that the lovelessness is brought to the attention of all and we begin to take true responsibility for the fact we have all allowed this to occur. It is time our elderly be valued and appreciated for the true wisdom they have to offer and given the true love and care we all equally deserve.
I have worked with the elderly at the end of their lives: in a hospital setting; in their homes; and spent the last few months of my mother’s life caring for her at home, with the help of my children. In every occasion, going back over many years, I could see the fear, the frailty and the vulnerability of these wonderful people who were facing the end of this life, not knowing how this was going to unfold. I used to put myself in their place and ask how I would want to be cared for at this time, and the answer came easy; with compassion, love, dignity and understanding and with, as you write so beautifully: “the constancy of God’s love…… through a gentle touch, an open smile, a caring look and the time to share our feelings?”. This is what everyone, whose time in this life is coming to a close, deserves; nothing less.
There is great dignity and preciousness in the process of passing over. Our value does not diminish as we age, right to the very end. The end of life is as sacred as its beginning. How lost have we become to have lost the understanding of that?
I supported my mother though the end of her life. It was a blessing to be so intimately involved with her departure from from life – it was humbling and revelatory. We all lose by disconnecting from this truth. No matter how much we try to tuck away the aspects of life we do not like, they do not go away, and in the hiding from the parts we do not like, we miss out on the gloriousness, wisdom and evolution they offer too.
I have often heard elderly people say, “I might look old and wrinkly but i feel as if i’m still in my 20’s”. To me, this shows that there is a living sparkle within us all that never ages… its just the body that wears and tears … So just in this, we can see the true benefit of self care… maintaining the body to be as well and vital as it can be, by self caring, mirrors the sparkle that is felt within.
If we looked into the eye of those we are caring for, not judge a book by its cover, recognising that we are all the same, just at a different part of human age span, the way we interact, and incorporating our own self care, we would make such a difference in the delivery of health care. The way we deliver care to patients needs to be equal in the delivery of care, respect and love as we would deliver to ourselves. No one in this exchange gets less or more than the other… its the same-same delivery of care to patients as it is to the health care provider.
My mother had home help with showering four times a week during her final years. She and my father were often unsettled by not having a regular time of arrival, or feeling rushed. Thank you for writing about the carers’ difficulties Coleen, as it seems like we need to start with how they are trained and supported, so that their clients also receive the most tender care.
Thankyou Coleen, for deeply honouring and celebrating the love that we are, no matter our age. By truly caring for our elderly, with dignity, compassion and gentleness, we allow ourselves to live the fullness of our love with all, and in this way show that we are each valued and loved at all times. As the constancy of God’s love does not falter for a second, so to should ours follow this steady course. As a humanity it is what we are thirsty for.
This is true Liane. It takes a high degree of dissociation, a sort of inner fragmentation to forget how essential dignity, respect, and tenderness are at every stage of life. Never do we reach a point when we become unworthy of this – never.
By bringing in the love of God and its unwavering hold in which we all live – well you have highlighted just how far we have strayed from that. Our love is so measured according to…well what exactly? Nationality, culture, religion, age, occupation – we use them all to yardstick our love, vale and care.
Well if we have a yardstick out, can we call it love?
No Rachel, it then becomes measured, and what a mess we would be in if God measured his love for us. Love is love, for all and everyone
So true: “ the constancy of God’s love does not falter for a second, so to should ours follow this steady course. As a humanity it is what we are thirsty for.” So it doesn’t matter if we are young or old or if we are in a relationship with a young or old person, either through work or personal, we can constantly love them without holding back.
We celebrate our young when they are born into our world, but do we celebrate our elderly when it is time to pass on? We do not. Our inability (refusal) to celebrate death and the process leading up to it comes from our chosen ignorance to not see the grand cycle of all things that we are an innate part of. Preferring instead to view life as a straight line with a beginning point (point A – ‘birth’) that magically appears, and an finite end point (point B – ‘death’) we fear and can’t (won’t) face. We quite happily acknowledge what occurs between point A and point B, and this we call life, or ‘human existence’. But what of all that is lived from point B to point A? Because we have come to believe that all that exists does so in physical form only, despite the fact that “everything is energy” (Albert Einstein) we ‘forget’ (ignore) the fact that we continue to evolve once the human form is departed from.
Thus we delay our evolution in returning back to our Divine origins (love) by insisting on walking a straight line on a sphere (Earth). But, we can’t walk a straight line on a sphere without returning back to the same point from which we started, we can only fool ourselves that this not happening. But just because we choose to not see that which occurs beyond our chosen blindness, does not mean that it is not occurring. When we insist on living in a lineal way within a spherical universe, deep down we know that something is not right. In the tension that is thus created, we then misleadingly believe that it is ‘death’ that we fear, when really it is our refusal to live what is true from the depths of our being, whether we are ‘in form’ or not, that creates dis-ease in our bodies and in our beings. The constancy of God’s love is lived after death as it is in life until it is time to come back and do it all again. As such, it should be our commitment to live the constancy of this love with ourselves and with each other, no matter which part of the great cycle we may currently be on.
I’ll walk with that, all the way around! Magnificently said Liane.
Beautiful how you bring it back to us living in cycles and not wanting to admit we all know that we are evolving back to our original state of divine being. Love your last sentence:
“it should be our commitment to live the constancy of this love with ourselves and with each other, no matter which part of the great cycle we may currently be on.”
I have had the experience working very closely with an elderly woman as she has reached her twilight years and there is no doubt that the choice she has made known very clearly is to say no to love. The barriers she has placed around herself to ensure she does not let love in are phenomenal and many carers who have come and gone in her employ, have expressed that this woman is an exceptional case. For myself it does not alter and indeed has strengthened my commitment to being love and not allowing an attacking, abusive energy to influence the quality of care offered. By staying so consistent in love, there has been an immense healing for this woman, albeit not acknowledged. The reason I share this in reference to this blog, is that although exceptional, it does occur that not all elderly are open or interested in compassion, gentleness, dignity and respect and indeed on the odd occasions, some may even fight it. Yet when we take the time to deeply care for ourselves, there are qualities that occur naturally and joyfully anyway and take it or leave it, the offering of them is its own reward.
Beautifully expressed Simon. I couldn’t agree more.
Coleen, what you describe – low paid people being pushed to work faster means that not enough money is being spent on aged care for those who do not have money.
It is one of the less-well-known consequences of relying on the government taking care of us in old age and us not doing enough to have sufficient funds when we are truly infirm. Many people know and understand this – those who have about $300,000 or less in funds in their retirement tend to hang on to that money through thick and thin because they know they urgently need it when they become infirm so they don’t have the level of care that you describe so well.
It’s interesting point Christoph that some people cling on to their money as their safety net for their older years. But what of relationships? I find it fascinating that life can revolve around ‘doing’, functioning, security, our job and saving money for when we get older…. but what will that money really buy us? And what of a loving life full of rich and true relationships- in which we know beyond doubt that we are loved and cared for to the end.
Thank you Coleen, you offer a moment for us to stop and truly consider what we each have to offer one another when we remain connected with ourselves and treat others in the ways that we also would like to be treated, with compassion, gentleness dignity and respect.
No doubt there are many caring professionals in Aged care that need our full support so they can deliver the care needed in this work.
Thankyou Coleen for outlining some of the issues within aged care. I agree that human connection would be paramount, yet within the way aged care facilities operate that much needed connection would be lost. I temp worked for a nursing agency in aged care once and I could not keep pace with how quickly residents needed to be “cared” for, it was obvious to me this was not right for anyone involved, workers or patients. I could not return to this position because everything about it felt wrong to me. Everywhere I look it seems to be that money and efficient systems are God, whether it’s education, the corporate world or aged care. People are coming last, whether they are workers or patients or patrons. The human element of dignity, true care and connection needs to be restored.
Thanks for sharing your personal experience of working as a carer for the aged. When I first read Coleen’s blog, it made me also think about the education system that I work in. You are so right that true care and connection are missing from so many institutions and professions. This is something we can all play a part in restoring.
It is evident in many work places that people are coming last. In my experience people do complain about this fact to their families, friends and co-workers, but rarely to their bosses as they are afraid to loose their jobs. I feel to restore the element of dignity, a shift is needed within us. Away from the fear and claiming our worth, trusting ourselves, our fellow human brothers and God that we will be okay if we stand up for ourselves and shake the foundations of a system we are all responsible for.
1000% agree with you Melinda, but how do we do it? How does the “element of dignity, true care and connection” be restored? I know when I connect with a resident in an aged care facility that I be responsive and open to them and see them as a real and valuable person … perhaps each of us being this way with each other and everyone is the key.
Oh this really touched me deeply Coleen:
“The quality of mercy is not strain’d,
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven
Upon the place beneath.”
I feel the tenderness and gentleness of these words, they ignite something in me and I feel the deep truth of what you have shared in your blog with this guiding ‘poem’. And it is not just this mercy for the aged, it is for us all and within us all as you quite rightly say in your last sentence: “I feel it is time for the quality of mercy to be determined by us all because ‘the quality of mercy’ lives within us all.”
Thank you Coleen – a beautiful and deeply caring blog.
Yes I so agree – and one can feel the truth of these words so deeply.
Absolutely Colleen, a lot depends on ‘goodwill’ of many carers to go beyond what is asked of them. In my view residential aged care facilities have become holding centres: places between life and death where residents confined in artificial settings that often feel unreal and inhuman. The UK Care Quality Commission states that ‘services are delivered against benchmarked, recognised standards focussed on quality and compliance’. In my view, quality of service comes before compliance. Delivering aged care services has become increasingly complex and bureaucratic, focussed on record keeping and ticking boxes to ensure compliance. Established routines, personal care, medication administration and health and safety are all important when managing an aged care business. Let us remember that people are at the heart of all businesses, all services. More emphasis could be placed on true quality of care, posing questions like, ‘ How can we truly care for our aged residents?’ ‘How do we bring compassion, love, gentleness, true dignity into everything we do: the way we touch, how we speak, and listen, the quality of the food we offer, nutrition, music, healing therapies, how we look after resident’s belongings, how we make sure residents get the physical exercise they need, how we work with relatives? When care system has ‘little inherent care’ built into its foundation the ‘care’ sector is compromised. Aiming to meet ‘benchmarked standards’ is a limited and short-sighted aspiration. We know we be give so much more
Coleen thank you for placing the spotlight on the care we offer our elderly. As a nurse who have cared for many older people in acute settings, I can confirm all of the points you raised. I also love what you have presented in a new way forward for aged care based on connection, love and true mercy.
I agree Sharon, I have also worked in the aged care setting, and in the locked dementia wings and can confirm all the points Coleen has raised.
In my experience the majority of carers are dedicated people who work very very hard and do attempt to build caring relationships with their elderly. However when there is lack of value of the carers through poor remuneration and a high expectation of them meeting care needs, along with time constraints and not enough staff you get the quality of that lack of value. This is such a disservice to all concerned. I love the way Coleen has not only highlighted this but offered loving ways to support and change a system that is not working.
Absolutely beautiful Coleen. I love what you have shared here. I would not wish this lack of care on anyone, so I am glad that you have started this conversation.
I agree whole heartedly Rosie, this is one conversation that was needing to be started, and may it continue through wonderful websites like this one. This obvious lack of care certainly doesn’t make our end of life experience, one to look forward to – may it change, and change soon. No one ought to fear the end of their life, in fact it is possible for it to be exactly the opposite.
In the last few months I have visited Aged Care facilities as my father was recently admitted to full-time care. There is so much I could say about what I observed. I take my hat off to the carers that work in these facilities – I was touched by the love and care and patience that the staff bring.
However the thing that really has hit home about my observation with aged care (including Dementia wards) is where we are heading as a global community. With the astounding numbers of people giving up on life and living longer lives, the level of care and attention needed is ever increasing and becoming more demanding on staff. And so it begs the question…why are people giving up on life and living their elderly years in more of an existence of just functioning from day to day?
This is a very good question Marika, it seems the more mod cons we have and the more technology advances, the further away from love and true caring we get. Medicine is doing a great job of keeping people alive longer but what is the point if love is missing and the people that are being kept alive aren’t really there anyway.
“Medicine is doing a great job of keeping people alive longer but what is the point if love is missing and the people that are being kept alive aren’t really there anyway.” That’s a great point Kevin, we are not truly living if we our life is void of love.
I totally agree with you Kevin and Marika-what’s the point of living longer if the quality of life , and love is not there, and the elderly are just existing- which a lot are when suffering from dementia and Alzheimer’s disease.
An equally important question Kevin and I often observe the increasing age of the ‘patched up’ elderly myself. I have elderly relatives who are have had major heart surgery which means that their bodies keep functioning with this major organ repaired. It is like a car with a reconditioned engine but rusty body, fenders falling off and bald tyres. They observe that state of their bodies themselves and know deep down that they have had enough but can’t surrender this physical life due the the mechanical alterations that will force the heart to keep going well beyond it’s natural time. Deep and loving care is required and as the number of elderly increase the responsibility to provide this care, does too.
You highlight an interesting dilemma Bernadette. When the body is ‘interfered’ with in this way then the natural wind down to cessation is prolonged and I’m wondering if this natural winding down process also allows a person to more easily let go of the body. I have observed in terminal illness this letting go does in fact happen over time and prepares the person for death Are we pandering to what needs to survive at the cost to the love within us? And are the extra years we gain from modern medical interventions really fruitful or are we just existing?
I feel there can be a lot of control arise in multiple quarters as people’s bodies start to indicate that their time is come – yes, most definitely, Josephine. Is this attributable to fear, ignorance of how to pass on, or other factors, I wonder?
I feel there can be a lot of control arise in multiple quarters as people’s bodies start to indicate that their time is come – yes, most definitely, Josephine. Is this attributable to fear, ignorance of how to pass on, or other factors, I wonder?
I have also witnessed the horror of our elderly at the prospect of entering a nursing home – there are even jokes made about it in some places – the threat of placing the elderly relatives into a home! So it seems we are all well aware that the current state of aged care facilities is not truly supportive.
Massive topic of conversation, and whilst it may ruffle some feathers, we need to get really honest about it. It really does feel like life is to be prolonged for the sake of it, because we can and because we not only struggle with the concept of death we fear it.
I agree, Elodie, it is massive topic. ” It really does feel like life is to be prolonged for the sake of it, because we can and because we not only struggle with the concept of death we fear it. ” It doesn’t to me. I know that by making choices and learning about life and death (which we already know doesn’t mean the end of life) we can choose where to stop and “go”. Prolonging physical existence doesn’t benefit us nor our evolution. Educating population about death could.
Nothing wrong with ruffling a few feathers Elodie, they need to be Ruffled! The health system is just another game of politics. There is a lot of amazing people who work in the system, but it’s a system, like medicine, lost it’s true intention and purpose. Technology and glamour mixed together on what we can do and look how long we can keep people alive. Have we stopped to clock why people have an ill-ness and a dis-harmony in the body – what responsibility lies with the patient? How many people stop and ponder why has this happened to me?
I work in a hospital and today I heard a renal dialysis patient was caught smoking bongs in the car pack. If you are not aware renal patients are kept alive by getting their blood cleaned every week by machines for 3 or more hours. Why? When they walk or get wheeled out to be more irresponsible. Amazing point raised above when the body is winding down it is for a reason.
Spot on Kevin ‘what is the point if love is missing and the people that are being kept alive aren’t really there anyway’. I’ve witnessed this for myself many times in aged care homes. Medication used to keep people in an artificial zone, a half-way house, still their bodies, but in truth not there at all
A great point Kevin and something I have often reflected on having seen and still witness relatives and older people in these scenarios. ‘Medicine is doing a great job of keeping people alive longer but what is the point if love is missing and the people that are being kept alive aren’t really there anyway.’
Having worked in Aged Care facilities offering Reflexology to the elderly many years ago, I saw how people are just kept alive. They are medicated to the eyeballs and I remember one lady looking me in the eyes and saying that she just wanted to die, but she couldn’t. It really struck a chord with me.
Wow Sandra! If I can be honest I know what that feel likes in reflection. I remember been kept awake on drugs and all my body wanted to do was go to sleep. There was an inner fight going on with my body and mind very confused. The artificial high was never worth how I felt for days after. I had a lower perspective of life because my body could not take it. The elderly would be no different and worse off.
An 83 year old friend is ready to go but wasn’t quite sure how to die until I talked with her about it being ‘near the end’ for her … she was immensely relieved that someone finally understood (the people around her did not want to talk ‘like that’) … it seemed to give her permission to let go and she is now in her last stage of this life.
Great question Marika, could it be a continuation of how we are living from when we are young? With emphasis on function, and not truly honouring who we are.
I agree Amelia our problems largely lay in the emphasis on function, we spend our younger years making life about what we get done and achieve and this kind of functioning is very acceptable. At the end of the life span it is also accepted that the care given and even the passing of days is also then only about function.
Yes, a great ill, that shows how astray we have gone. It is not difficult to change as the direction is so very obvious but only when we allow ourselves to truly feel – to feel what every fiber of our original making is telling us – love.
Indeed Marika how is it that we live much longer and yet the quality of that living especially with conditions such as dementia seems less?
Yes, so much less, that we can hardly call it life.
If our life is only about function, it makes sense that it appears that life is ‘full’ when we are young and very able to ‘do’… however without the ability to ‘do’ we are left to feel the quality of ‘being’ – and, we see that a life of doing does not build our being or leave us anything we can take with us when we pass.
So true Kylie, I have experienced many people being devasted when they can no longer do what made life worthwhile for them. There is simply no sense of the being for them to be nourished by.
Marika it is true, to acknowledge the work of staff in residential aged care homes. It does require a great deal of patience, love and care and I have noted how one person can make a huge difference. In one care home I know, the arrival of a single nurse that truly serves with compassion, warmth, openness has transformed the quality of care of residents and support given to relatives.
I agree, one person can make such a difference. All of the carers that I spoken to at the aged care facility for my father have been so lovely and loving – you have to care about people and bring great understanding to be able to work in these environments. There are many unsung hero’s in nursing homes.
Very true kehinde2012 the power of love can change a whole working environment. If what you choose goes above and beyond the normal mundane processes, people feel this. Make it about people true-ly and you open hearts.
I like this comment Marika, it exposes for me that it is not the people that are working in Aged Care that are the problem, but that the system itself is broken. I think that the increase in self care that is required from those who are in the industry could be the first step to everyone else beginning to understand just who warped and broken our current attitudes have become.
So true Simon and because our elderly don’t have a strong voice in our communities the issue can be carefully put to one side, still within view but sadly without the deep and wide reform that is needed going forward.
Very true Bernadette that’s the problem and momentum of that generation from young. No self-care for themselves and a giving up on life with a system to match.
Hi Simon I totally agree. I work in an aged care now and can say this is definitely true, although responsibility must not be taken away from those who work within the systems, as I know many of the workers where I work have little attention to self care, eat terrible food, smoke on their breaks and drink alcohol after work shifts. Yes it is a reflection of a broken system, and people not choosing to be all that they are and to bring something to the system.
Great point, Marika. It feels important to look at the bigger picture of why so many people are giving up and checking out in their later years, and even earlier now. Medicine is doing a great job at prolonging life, but what quality of life are they living in, and who is truly caring about that? Thanks to Coleen for bringing up this necessary topic for discussion.
I don’t see any quality of life with people who have dementia. It is a very sad thing to witness in another as they are just not there. The skyrocketing statistics of dimentia are scary and the stress on the medical system is only going to get worse.
Whilst we need to look at how it is going to be handled, what is more important is looking at what is creating it in the first place. It is very clear to me that dementia is a result of someone choosing to check out in life. And so what is happening in life for so many to want to choose this? Lets not look at solutions…lets look at the core and whats driving behaviour.
A wise nephew of mine said yesterday ‘ the future is now.’ It spoke to me of how there is no ‘time’ in the classic sense of the word. How we live in the present, sows seeds for the future. Having total disregard for self and body now, imprisons us in bodies and minds that breakdown in later life with huge emotional and financial cost to self, family and society.
A great question and one that should be front page news of newspapers until we start to truthfully address it. Having worked in a secure dementia unit in a mental health hospital I can say it is heart breaking for all involved to see loved ones with no idea who they are having to be restraint for the risk they pose to themselves and others. This problem is huge it’s getting worse and so much bigger then we are currently admitting.
Marika you have asked a very important question and one that is very rarely asked…”why are we giving giving up on life?” This is something that is rarely considered and something that I had never considered until I heard this presented by Serge Benhayon. I could very much feel the truth in this as I see the devastation of this every day in my work.
Yes I’m sure Richard if our elder folk were appreciated for the wisdom they bring and encouraged to remain an active and contributing part of society this would mean far less of them feeling demoralised and therefore sitting on the sidelines of life. It’s sad that we’ve made life more about doing and achieving and less about people.
Great observation Richard, if our life becomes one without purpose then it is very easy to shut down, give up, hence dementia and Alzheimers etc. Our elderly were once active, engaged, people like most of us, it is sad that they cease to be valued once their ‘usefulness’ in society is deemed to have expired.
This is the essence of it Richard. We need to have a deeper understanding of what each stage of life brings so that we ourselves remain engaged and purposeful as we age. To actively keep our parents nearby as they age, encouraging them to remain involved with life and alert. There is much opportunity for light to be shed on the aged care facilities to learn about self care as a foundation and better employment conditions so that this care can naturally be extended to the patients.
Yes Marika, the impact of this growing phenomenon is huge and it is a great question you ask.
Such an important question and it is one that is being overlooked. To be honest Marika I think it makes people, including and perhaps especially those in the medical profession feel very nervous.
Early onset dementia is a growing disease, afflicting 30-40 year olds. That is deeply concerning. Who is going to care for all of the people affected in this way?
Coleen you raise some important issues about the care of our elderly and ageing community. I remember when I was young, people generally took much greater care of their elderly relatives than they do now, most lived in the same street or close by and were checked on by neighbours relatives and friends. As we live much faster busier lives and move houses more regularly the elderly are the casualty of this type of living. Approaching the last part of our lives with dignity and respect and still feeling we are part of a community is probably what most of us would want but this is happening less and less in our society.
So true Alison. The lack of appreciation for Aged Care is a marker of our separativeness as a society. So many of our issues relating to health could be greatly changed if we embraced the fact that we live in communities and we are all connected. ‘Out if sight, out of mind’ is often the perspective with people in our Aged Care homes, and there is often a lot of shock when stepping inside of one. This pushing aside is multifactorial, but is for each of us to look at in the responsibility we are taking. If we don’t want to end up in a facility like this, then the change starts with us and all of community. We cannot have this way of being when we are elderly continue as the accepted norm.
So true Amelia. And isn’t it incredible that we seem to show more care for our pets when they are elderly, than we do for our fellow human beings… We wouldn’t send our dogs away when they get older, or are frail or close to death… we keep them close, nurture them, treasure them and stay with them to the end.
It sure is incredible Kylie. How have we allowed this to happen? It does not make any sense at all when you stop and truly think about it.
Agreed Kylie, it is very exposing of how far removed we have become from truly caring for our elderly and each other. And I would add from my own experience, is that we would not leave our dogs for days or weeks by themselves without connecting with them and seeing if they are being cared for in every way.
So very true Kylie, and having lived with 2 elderly dogs until their last breath, it is the most beautiful and humbling experience. Because of the fragility of a human or pet’s body when they are preparing for passover, it brings the carer to a much deeper place where tenderness, respect and dignity are at the forefront of any care given.
Amazing point raised Kylie, and to hear first hand from Sandra who has recently experienced her dogs passing – I hear many people love their dog more than their family. Where are we at as a society? This is shocking when it is so innately in us all too naturally care for others. It brings it back to the points raised above how much it is lacking that we do not self-care and love ourselves enough to then allow this to happen. We allow it because we do not love ourselves and therefore how can we love another??!
Amelia the “out of sight out of mind” comment that you made reminds me of what I see working in a hospital when we have an elderly person from an age care facility admitted, especially if they have dementia. This is very exposing for patients and family if they have never seen anyone with dementia before. Although this is becoming less so. What we are seeing is more extreme behaviours in the elderly, especially if they are quite sick. Often in hospital environments we need to one on one nurse then because of the risks to their safety but medication is quite often what we reach for to manage their behaviour.. These elderly patients can be very vocal at night time, keeping a whole ward awake; wander, sometimes off the ward if we are not quick enough (they are as quick as children); super strong and at time aggressive. My point is that we don’t often see or hear about this in the general community because it is very hard to watch a person who is not themselves. We know the numbers of elderly people requiring care in age care facilities is growing, but we don’t talk about the impact this has on everyone. So it is a shock for people to see what is going on and where we are heading. But we need to know because it affects us all.
Thank you for bringing the reality to us Jennifer of what is going on in the hospital environment for our elderly and carer’s. For many, including myself this is an ‘out of sight out of mind’ issue that we rarely consider. I remember volunteering as a young teenager at a large elderly care centre. This definitely opened my eyes to what many elderly people present with, they range from gentle, friendly, enjoying activities… to aggressive and powerfully strong willed requiring sedation and many carer’s to attend to. If carer’s are not supported and appreciated, where does it leave them and in-turn our elderly? Thanks to Coleen for starting the conversation.
The ‘out of sight, out of mind’ attitude and the shock is something I went through, in the last few years my work required I visit aged care facilities from time to time and I managed staff that would visit facilities each day to provide medical services so I also started to hear second hand also of what was going on and had regular contact with staff in over 50 facilities so started to understand a few of their challenges too. It is also very interesting that the level and quality of care also varied depending on the dominant cultural background of the aged care facility.
Agree Amelia and it is a sign of how absolutely careless our society is and of the separateness we live only focusing on youth and functioning. The misinterpretation of youth comes from a society who has abuse normalized and where care has very little value. The body is used and abused according to the comfort level we choose to live in and becoming older is a physical deteriorating process where the human being is expired for social use and just parked in a careless elderly home. We all fear to reach the expiry date and not being needed and loved anymore, but we don’t assume responsibility and stop this and start taking care of ourselves and our bodies and from this level of self-care we care for others.
Agree Amelia and it is a sign of how absolutely careless our society is and of the separateness we live only focusing on youth and functioning. The misinterpretation of youth comes from a society who has abuse normalized and where care has very little value. The body is used and abused according to the comfort level we choose to live in and becoming older is a physical deteriorating process where the human being is expired for social use and just parked in a careless elderly home. We all fear to reach the expiry date and not being needed and loved anymore, but we don’t assume responsibility and stop this and start taking care of ourselves and our bodies and from this level of self-care we care for others.
So true, Amelia. Most of us will live to an old age and many will end up in Aged Care homes. What we allow to continue (by sitting back and ignoring) is what we will be confronted with. As you share, we are responsible and change starts with us.
It seems that we embrace technology more and more so that we can do more, achieve more. But at what human cost, are we really achieving anything or are we missing out on the vital issue of being present with ourselves and connected with others.
Becoming more and more effective very often doesn´t consider human relationship. We need to change priorities – relationships first, productivity second.
agree Alex, our society has put productivity and profit before being human in every aspect of its being. It is the world upside down and the effect of us is seen all around us in every aspect of our lives.
I agree Jenny, we are so called advancing in technology but are forgetting what is more important and that is : connecting with, caring and loving each other. Families come home from their day at work and/or school and are often straight on to their computers or TV or other tech stuff they own and are connecting with each other less and less. And the sad thing is is that this is deemed normal.
I agree Alison and the world has become a smaller place with all the air travel available and cheap flights. It is not uncommon for a grandparent to have both or even all three of their children not only living in different continents but different countries too. I have two elderly neighbours neither of whom have got children living close by.
Thank you Coleen for exposing the often hidden aspects of aged care. I love how you have used the ‘quality of mercy’ that we all share to remind us of our responsibility to humanity as a whole and the aged care in particular.
And what struck me also is how much we hide aged care. We tuck our old people away because we dont want to know what is happening to them and we fear getting old because we (actually do) know how we treat the elderly and we don’t want that happening to us.
I definitely feel that this is the case too Sarah. It feels like we do similar with our children into schools and with “the criminals” into prisons. To stop and actually feel the quality of these institutions and what they do to people is devastating. It makes sense that we actually don’t want to feel how horrible this is. I can feel this through what Coleen has shared.
Absolutely Sarah – growing old does not look appealing when we feel what is really going on for our elders. Where are their value in society, the honour of their lives and the wisdom they would gladly offer. It’s really great to be taking about all this and hearing peoples opinions. The time to change the way we live, care for and be with our elders is way overdue.
It’s true Sarah. I grew up not caring of the old when they should be cherished and respected as Colleen stated. I learnt all these kind of beliefs mostly through high school and just out of school. It was wreckless behavior on all levels and either way there was not one bit of care for them
That is so true Sarah we tuck old people away and I love it that you pointed it out so clearly. We actually do know how we treated them and therefore it is time to be more open with that otherwise the fear of getting older increases and we all end up with trying to be young forever. I have to admit that this is not a very lovely notion – I love the wisdom and strength of people who lived a life – for me this is very inspirational and to feel how to get older with dignity and mercy and with joy would make it much easier to get older . . .
Coleen you make several good points here. It has always intrigued me why we as a western society at least, value the ‘caring’ professions less than others, and reward them accordingly. And how we can expect people to deliver high quality care under the conditions you describe these people as working. The more we prioritise self-care the less tolerance we will have for unrealistic expectations in the workplace. And, dare I say, the more likely we are to come up with a different model of aged care.
This is an interesting point Anne, why is it tend to devalue people who work in human services such as aged care, teaching, nursing? It is as if we can’t really come to confront really meeting others with openness and tenderness and allow them to be just as they are.
We are so focused on our intellect and believe so strongly in knowledge and that that is the safe card to live a good life that we do not see how crippled we are when it comes to our relationships, our human interaction and our connection to our body. Our bodies can literally rot away, show thousands of signs that they(we) are not doing so well and yet we keep on going insisting on the way we are living is it.
I agree, we display an enormous amount of callousness, ignorance and arrogance when it comes to truly reading the signs and symptoms of what is going on in the world.
Esther and Mary you have made great points here that we are living in the delusion (or illusion?) that somehow we are going to be rescued by our mental cleverness from the awful mess we are in. It’s like we don’t think cancer or anything else will ever happen to me, and if it does then there will be a pill, a treatment or surgery. And yet it is obvious when you care to look that with all our mental ingenuity and the incredible advances that are being made in health industry we are simply not able to keep up with the rot of the way we are living without connection and the impact it has on our bodies. And yet we refuse to stop and examine this. And I agree I would not have this clarity if it weren’t for Serge Benhayon bringing it to my attention.
well said Esther, and we have found many ways to override the inevitable feeling that we are living completely out of rhythm and against our true nature allowing for a society that is increasingly in crisis, both in healthcare and in our relationships across the board.
Great point Mary .. let’s put our money where our mouth is and give back to the community. It really is as simple as that. It is wonderful what you do and also shows the care the workers give even though they are incredibly busy.
What you and other volunteers are doing is awesome Mary. True brotherhood.
I completely agree with you Mary – our elderly are very much worth investing time and money in, as in the end we will all grow old and we all reserve respect and love to the end.
Mary you are making a difference to some that may not get to have a conversation with anyone other than a busy nurse who does not have time to chat. You are also appreciative of the staff working there and are not judging them. They must all look forward to you and your team coming in. This is what community is, supporting and helping out where we can.
Beautiful example Mary, thanks for sharing. I agree a win-win situation for all of us. Our elderly deserve the love, tenderness and kindness we so easily share with children. We can all learn from each other here and help each other.
Thank you Mary for sharing this and I agree with you it doesn’t cost much except a bit of time and commitment to contribute as you are doing and makes such a difference to everyone concerned. You have inspired me.
Well said Mary, it is up to each and everyone of us to make a difference. It is great what you are doing as so often the hospital staff do not have enough time to truly give patients the care that they deserve.
Beautifully said Mary. We are the ones who can offer the living reflection of connection. By having a consistent presence in any facility we can offer this to staff, patients and residents. Then it may become something the staff starts to choose for themselves by the reflection offered. A wonderful foundation can be laid with such a simple approach as just having a presence.
Your comment made me consider the irony of this point Anne, wherein we not only seem to place less value on this profession, but where this is often little ‘care’ within a profession that is actually claimed to be about ‘care’. I have come to experience that whatever the profession, self-care is the key not only to supporting oneself, but is paramount in being able to offer true support/care to another. This is particularly noticeable when it comes to caring professions and is definitely a discussion that we should be having more broadly as a community if we are going to bring about any true, lasting change to the current situation.
It is so true, it is almost like the services and professions that matter most to how we are feeling are the most poorly paid. It really makes no sense the NHS service where the staff can literally be critical to our survival are so badly paid.
So true Ann Hart, Self care would definitely change the workplace environment and bring more joy to every one you would come in contact with. Then a new working model would have the space to be created.
I come from a southern culture and there from an area where people do not have the money to place their aged in an aged care facility. Their elderlies are cared at home and this is shared by the family and also neighbors. I do not say this is an easy job and depending on how serious an illness of the elderly is, this can be strenuous for both sides. But one I have witnessed in observing age care like this: those who care have deep appreciation and respect for people having their profession in those jobs.
It is great to hear this Sonja. I have also noticed that when people have spent time in hospital they often come out speaking highly of the nursing staff and their dedication and care. When we are very ill or injured we are so grateful for the support of someone who knows how to alleviate our suffering, however when we get better we easily forget. And thus the caring professions do not get the recognition, conditions and monetary appreciation they deserve to support them in their work.
Anne, this is something I have questioned – why do the caring professions offer low pay and jobs in business pay so much more? It has always seemed back to front to me. Is it that we have lost our way so much, that as a society, we do not value a human life once it stops being productive and therefore offer a low-level of care, at a low cost via nursing homes?
Awesome point Anne I agree totally! I would add in the cleaners too for a well deserved pay rise. They have a mammoth job, and just like nurses and the allied health staff, are not honoured for their roles.
Wow Anne I love what you share as I am working in the health care system and know the conditions under which we work in and out. It would be great if the caring professions are more valued so that they are at least accordingly rewarded and paid. I know that it is on us to care more for ourself but it would be also very much appreciated and also supportive to get this form of reward in society.
Self care are two words that when asked about are often still met with a blank face. Until self care becomes a priority, and in with particularly with health care workers, we will not ever bring about the quality of living available to us all. For our aging population to pass on without experiencing and knowing this level of care is a great disservice to humanity.
Yes true care is definitely lacking in many aged care facilities in the world today. But without making loving care a priority for all, the level of lifestyle related disease will continue to soar and as our ageing population rises so to does the spaces for aged care get tighter and tighter. True change starts with us first and when we care for ourselves with the utmost love and support we can share this with all.
I agree, we need to start with ourselves because it does not serve anybody and does not bring true care if we ourselves do feel exhausted and are just coping with the enormity of chaos, disease and deep neglect that we are faced with in this world. We need to build ourselves a foundation of deep love and care to be able to face everything that comes towards us with exactly this love and care we have for ourselves.
It is not commonly accepted that loving ourselves comes first, we are so busy supporting everybody else and from a foundation of emptiness, that we burnout without understanding why. Building a true foundation for ourselves by deeply nurturing our bodies and honouring what we feel gives us the strength and support we need to be out in the world and truly help, support and honour others.
I think we are agreed that self-care is of the utmost importance, in fact paramount in building a solid foundation of health, strength and vitality within our bodies, and without this our lives can become stressful and then the caring of others can be less than truly supportive because we are not supporting ourselves. It seems to me that many care-workers are overstretched, bogged down with paperwork, coping on their own with limited time and resources, and this is putting a strain on their level of care for others. I’m not sure what the answer is, except to begin to show the world what it is to deeply care and love ourselves and continue to speak out when we see an injustice, and reflect to our elderly the love what we feel for ourselves back to them, and although they may be feeling lonely and vulnerable, they ARE loved.
So true Carmel and what’s also quite alarming is how exhaustion and ‘burnout’ are so accepted as part of life in today’s society. And nothing that a good holiday won’t fix!
Very wise words Carmel, This changes the accepted notion that carers need to be self-servient and martyrs in order to care. The principles of caring for oneself first can be difficult to apply if one is caught in the confines of the accepted beliefs, but with persistence it is possible to break free. We are just as important as the people we are caring for.
So well said Carmel. We cant truly help others if we ourselves are exhausted and running on the wrong fuel. If we have a ‘that’ll do’ attitude towards our own self care, then its not going to be any better for another. We can break this cycle by starting with ourselves.
When we have burnt out carers, the system becomes entrenched in abuse. The overhaul in aged care needs to be extensive – a real ground up approach that starts with developing self-care for the facility staff and a roster/schedule that practically supports this.
Otherwise it degenerates into that sort of box-ticking, empty lip-service where all the right words are said but they are utterly inapplicable hence everything stays the same as ever. No one can force another to care for themselves but an environment can be set up whereby it is possible to take to care.
Rachel this is so true and very wise and practical ‘An environment that offers and reflects taking care of all people’. Starting with ourselves and staff is an excellent place to start to offer the tender, gentle space and care to our elderly.
Not many environments actually consider the wellbeing of their staff, least of all the caring industry. I have a considerable amount of experience with these services and the agencies are often very remiss, and uncaring from an executive level down to the ground staff. It is an unfathomable state of affairs when you think about it. A business of caring in which very few care about others, care for themselves or are truly cared for. It’s nonsensical.
Following on from Tamara’s comment.
I find this an interesting point about holidays. We rarely see it questioned why we need a holiday to to fix ourselves. If so many people are in need of a holiday to rejuvenate then how are we living? That is the question we need to ask, can we be honest and look deeply at whether it is our working practice, our lifestyle habits or any other aspects of our lives. If we look at health and vitality from the perspective that we should all have abundant wellness as our natural state then we start to become less accepting of anything less than this and become willing to look at the root causes of exhaustion and illness.
Very true Carmel and Rachel, until the staff of these care homes start to truly care for themselves nothing will change.
That is so true Carmel. We get so involved in other peoples lives without for a moment taking ourselves into consideration that we do end up burnt out and can’t understand it. Amazing really when it’s actually very simple. If we are unable to look after oursleves first and foremost, how on earth are we supposed to truly look after others?
Agree Esther and Carmel, only through deeply caring and loving ourselves first do we know what is required for another. The focus has been “What can we do to help?” This comes from training and following processes without really being in touch with each patient, and the direct care and extra touch to sincerely support another to surrender to their body and let go. When you make it about quality of you first less effort is actually needed to support another because all is felt by you to what truly is needed. No extra work job is done!
Carmel if we ‘run on empty’ we will soon come to a stop and need to be cared for which is not the outcome we desire but ignore to see. We give material objects like our car a regular service and fuel they need to keep going why don’t we respect and care for ourselves with the same attention even at a basic level. We eat junk food and drink sugary drinks and expect the body to run smoothly, we wouldn’t put wrong fuel in our car, there are so many anologies with the car like our annual “green slip” which checks the car is road worthy but we don’t do a self check to see how we are running the body, we abuse ourselves and wonder why we get burnout.
That is great what you shared Carmel. I am working in a hospital where nurses and doctors had their on-the-job training and it is so sad to see how they get treated. No one told them about self care and self nurturing – they have to function and they do. Sometimes I found them crying in a corner or with heavy migraine or other illnesses. It would be so beneficial if they all could first learn how to take care of themselves! Imagine they would work than with much more joy and commitment and on top of it they would be great role model for the patients.
I agree absolutely Carmel that this about foundations: if there is no genuine care in our personal foundation, we have nothing to offer to others that is either real or true – what you refer to as caring from an emptiness. By calling this empty care “care” we actually undermine the true meaning of that word and so we end up with complications in our understanding and expectations of what true care is and looks like in life.
What you say Carmel is so true. Looking after ourselves first is so often perceived as being selfish. As has been expressed in this blog and most of the comments, self-care is a true foundation to help others. The sooner this misguided belief that it is selfish is cast into the waste-bin of eternity the better.
Yes Esther, offer support from a full cup, not an empty cup.
The level of care we have throughout our lives is mirrored by the level of care we accept as we age. If we do not practice self care for ourselves, and feel how loving it is, there is no foundation for it within society, no benchmark for how the care for our elderly should be.
Such a strong and valid point is shared here Catherine. There is no marker for the future if we do not begin to put into practice this self care in our daily living.
Absolutely nb – creating this marker for the future starts with making self care part of our daily living. Although we may not as a society have been doing this to date, the important thing is we can start at any time -& depending on our choices, what this involves will vary between individuals. It’s not a one-off practise but something that develops and deepens over time and can start with simple things like being honest with how our body feels (ie tired, stressed etc), going to bed earlier, being aware of how certain foods feel after we’ve eaten them, going to bed early etc.
Why are people in aged care facilities in the first place? We have already gone way off in the fact that we have so many people with dementia and other given up diseases needing to be in these facilities. The Way of The Livingness is a religion that offers an entirely different way of life and living that allows us to stay committed and connected to the end.
Yes Nicola Lessing, that is such an important point. The statistics on dementia and Alzheimers are staggering; I feel the figures are frightening people so most don’t want to know or look at it. If we don’t turn around the way we are living, the figures will keep escalating. I know for myself, if it wasn’t for “The Way of The Livingness”, I could have well and truly become a number within those statistics. Especially as we get older, many people give up on living and contributing. Retirement is not all it’s cracked up to be.
Yes, Esther and Mary, one would assume that, given the research to date on dementia has not revealed the real causes, that it would be worthwhile considering another perspective on the possible aetiology of dementia – such as that offered by Universal Medicine. If it is not given a consideration, the question which follows needs to address why we avoid looking for the root causes – is it because it exposes something about how we live that we have wanted to bury?
Such an important point Nicola. It is now assumed that we will end our days in such a facility, not knowing who we are or what we had for breakfast.
Exactly Rachel, no wonder there is so much fear around aging!
Isn’t it crazy that it is assumed that that is where we will end up, as if we don’t even have a choice in the matter and that one day we will just be victims of old age.
I love that Universal Medicine has presented many different choices and no right or wrong answer, just choices and responsibility. This way there is no one to blame, just a choice to be made. Old age does not just suddenly creep up on us, we can prepare for it. We don’t need to give up on ourselves.
That assumption isn’t a great prospect to look forward to. But almost a fact we are giving into when we chose the life that is the norm. So why not change the way we live so this enormous workload for care workers gets relieved and we all are able to care for each other, till the end of our lives, fully committed.
Absolutely Nicole, But we must make our way back through the trenches to re-ignite and spark truth back into the minds and heart of man. Bringing light to an industry that is burnt out is a massive mission within itself as there are so many that have given up and checked out. But the power of one, holding their light is so powerful.
It is fixing the problem at the end and ignoring its inception. It never works, never has, never will to tackle life in this backward way.
An essential question, Nicola and great for people to know that it is entirely possible ‘to stay committed and connected to the end’ and therefore no need for a retirement home. One of the contributing factors to giving up is the division in people’s minds between work and weekend and the momentum that looks forward to a weekend as a relief from the week and retirement as a relief from a working life. If we all worked with the purpose of contributing to humanity we would not need any relief because that would be fulfilling in itself.
Well said Nicola the livingness offered by The Way of The Livingness is certainly evolutionary and would solve many of society’s issues
And also true Kelly, it is a ’cause and result’ picture as the increasing need for care for our elderly is being fuelled by the increasing lack of care and love in our lives as we move trough the different ages. The more we neglect ourselves and have lifestyles that will inevitably cause illness and disease the greater the demand for care on an ever decreasing number of people that can provide it. The situation as painted by Coleen shows the crisis we are already in because of this cycle and it can only be changed if we learn to live in a different way right now.
Yes, Carolien – and part of that breaking of the cycle we are already in is precisely to ensure that those most deeply entrenched in this cycle ( like those who have dementia) are cared for to the nth degree so that the cycle is broken once and for all.
Coleen I couldn’t agree more.
I know huge resources are put into ensuring babies, children and young people get the best start in their life, and although there are huge cuts to this in the UK, it is recognized as a super important; the acknowledgement being if resources aren’t put into families to prevent repetition of family patterns which produce behviours such as criminal activity, abusive relationships, anti-social behaviour, substance miss-use etc. etc then society will suffer.
I often wonder if the same importance is given to caring for the elderly and often feel there’s an attitude that they are near the end of their life so they don’t matter as much. This is crazy. How we treat our elderly and vulnerable is just as important as how we treat our new borns. As a society, if we cannot care for our elderly lovingly I would question our capacity to bring up children lovingly also.
Yes very beautifully said Giselle: “For our aging population to pass on without experiencing and knowing this level of care is a great disservice to humanity.” I could just feel the grand impact of people passing over without experiencing this deep care, it is huge!
That is so true Lieke, it will make a huge difference. I really liked the question which was actually a revelation to me: as simple as; how can we take true care for someone if that deep care is missing in our own lives.. Being a nurse in training I am seeing how it does not work in that way, and that self-love and care is key.
Danna so true, self care and love is the key once we understand this, we can take care of people in all ages, younger or elder. It’s about the true connection. Through this we can reach many people and support them during their ageing process.
Enormous such an impact is alright Lieke! They form the people most of us look up to for guidance and support of their own lived wisdom in their lifetime. If they are not passing over with true care, feeling fully met, honoured and nourished for all they truly are then are not most going to find and see such a stage in our lives as one to avoid and definitely not the deeply healing and loving time it could otherwise be?
The greatest sadness in this is that our attitude to aged “care” is a prefect reflection of the value we have placed on the ageing process and hence the people who ought to be our elders.
We only attribute value to people who fulfil a narrow standard that is deemed to be beautiful and or useful in or society. By useful I mean productive, and productive in economic terms. If you are both of these you have it made. If you have one or the other you are OK. Have neither and you are fit only for the scrap heap. We have nullified ageing because it it is neither beautiful (according to this standard) not productive (i.e.: no economic benefit to be gained).
We have lost much in this process. We have valued every human being via these very materialist calculations – in fact valued is the wrong word. It ought to be de-valued.
What then of our own ageing process. Do we not see that what we allow to happen to our elderly now is our own future?
”The greatest sadness in this is that our attitude to aged “care” is a prefect reflection of the value we have placed on the ageing process and hence the people who ought to be our elders.” – Such a revealing perspective Rachel, there is much truth to this.
Society is so obsessed with drinking from the fountain of youth and delaying the ageing process. It’s like we look at our elders as those who have failed immortality with all the gadgets and medical procedures on offer. No wonder the majority are trying to turn back the clock and run from age, look what’s waiting for us! A life where the world giving us a used by date and saying ‘thanks but no thanks.’
‘Do we not see that what we allow to happen to our elderly now is our own future?’ Exactly Rachel. It seems that there is a sort of disjunct between the two, when we are younger unless there is a beloved elder we are deeply connected to then older people do not figure that much, we are usually so self-absorbed in the busyness of living. And then the elders themselves, frankly unless they have lived vibrant engaged lives (and many have) then there can be something unattractive about them. Ageing is often not that pretty with all the unloving ways we have lived emerging in our bodies and on show for all to feel and see. The lived wisdom in many instances has to be drawn out and that takes time and love and the willingness to see beyond what is presented. How many of us really care? Sadly often not until it is our turn or our mum or dad starts to reach that stage.
This is so true Rachel, ‘We have nullified ageing because it it is neither beautiful (according to this standard) not productive (i.e.: no economic benefit to be gained).’, I hear this all the time, I work with elderly people and they often say to me that they are ‘in the way’, ‘it would be better for everyone when they are gone’, they feel so useless and unvalued, it is very sad.
Joshua and Rachel what you share is so important as we have allowed for the whole process of ageing to be demonised and something to avoid at all costs. As a result we have already deemed ourselves invaluable once we pass a certain age and in this way we are confirming these beliefs to the next generations. We have increasingly depersonalised our societies allowing for this to become the standard. if we look at the way we used to live, with all ages an active part of our community according to the phase of life they are in then we can see how every age has not only its own beauty but enormous value.
What you have asked Colleen, ‘Are there Truths associated with ageing and passing on that are withheld?’ is a show stopper. Most definitely the answer is yes, and when these truths are withheld, about the fact of reincarnation, the value and quality of our elder years, the truth behind illness and disease, how to pass over and what happens after death to name but a few expounded by the Ancient Wisdom Teachings – then we are left in the aimless muddle we find ourselves in as we approach old age and death. Think how different it would be if these truths were known and lived. For them to be withheld means most die in ignorance and will return in that ignorance to repeat it.
Beautifully said Josephine and Coleen. We have lost much by having what can only be described as a silly relationship with reincarnation; either ignoring it in preference for the absurdity of randomness (in a non random world), or taking some idiotic tack that has 500 people claiming they are Cleopatra, and others wanting to come back as a cat!
Such is the grace, order, precision and stupendous intelligence of this process that we completely denigrate at the end of life. We have rendered the true way of passing, to build one life after another, naught.
The loss of the Ageless wisdom as our Universal way has been a tragedy of incomprehensible proportions. For as we age and pass so do we return to live again.
I agree Lieke. There is so much to feel here: how, as a society (and we each play a part in this – ouch), we have chosen not to be aware and speak up about state of the systems that are failing to support us. In aged care, we are not supporting the carers and this means that the people in care miss out too. While self-care is always the choice of each individual, when it is not the current norm, nor taught anywhere in our education system, speaking up is so important.
It is huge Lieke and I feel a basic human right to be truly cared for. How are people ever going to live the full potential of the love that they are if they are not shown others living that way. How are we to age with grace and dignity if all we see if old people treated with disdain and given up on really living. We need to set a new trend and show people that no matter what they are worth loving and caring for. Then slowly but surely people will begin to regain trust in humanity.
Correct Lieke! “For our aging population to pass on without experiencing and knowing this level of care is a great disservice to humanity.” This is huge! To resolve this epidemic health service quickly is to make everybody accountable and take any self-recognition out of “look how my policy is helping”. When government bring in politics to accommodate ‘our’ policies no true change is offered – just another policy doomed to fail and politicians identified with “look at what I am doing please keep me in power”. Politics presently are a dismal system.
That is an interesting point Rik. I wonder if the policies the politicians bring in are an attempt to make aged care ‘better’ – yet because they are not understanding, or perhaps have ever experienced, what is being shared in the blog and the ensuing comments about self-care, self-love, appreciation, honouring and simply loving another as equal to yourself, then the policies they introduce, the legislation behind the policy count for nought. There is no true change, just another layer that does not include an ounce of lived loved that inspired change.
So so true Giselle. It seems crazy, but it’s true. Asking someone what their self care routine looks like is often met with a question mark face. We are all responsible for ourselves and the impact we each have on eachother.
Everything about how we care for ourselves will ultimately influence everything about how we care for others.
Exactly Jennifer. Self-care starts at home and builds a solid foundation in our bodies which then enables us to go out into life and serve others with this same level of care. Without this foundation we are pushing our bodies, which often results in ill-health and undiagnosed exhaustion.
I agree Jennifer, how we treat ourselves, is how we treat others. This is such a great reminder of how important it is how we care for ourselves, how we honour and love ourselves deeply. This is also what seeds forward how we will be cared for should the need arise.
Precisely, and this needs to be the paramount essence of all teachings when learning how to be within these industries. Age care industry, disability industry, youth working industry, teachers, students, mothers groups…. every and all industries!
Treating oneself and each other lovingly should be the norm simply because our bodies and innate sensitivity tell us so, but you take it even a huge step further, Giselle, by saying “For our aging population to pass on without experiencing and knowing this level of care is a great disservice to humanity.”, hinting at us incarnating again with all the imprints from our last life. We are in a ‘rebirth-cycle’ of carelessness that de-sensitises us from being who we are, a constancy of disgrace that is the very opposite of the constancy of God´s love. To break this cycle a dedicated, loving, tenderly caring and deeply understanding age care would greatly contribute to all of us more and more choosing God´s love as the standard of everyday living. We then would come back into the next life with the knowing of what it is like to be loved and expect that level of love as the minimum instead of bringing the lovelessness and giving-up-ness that this life, again, will be another round of suffering.
Exactly Alex, when we look at the fact that the elderly passing over will be the children of our children just a short few years down the track, so whatever quality they can take with them passing over, they will bring back into the next round, the next life cycle here on earth. This brings such an expansion to what it means to be elderly and what opportunities to imprint our next life cycle we have, with choosing to be loving and committed until the last breath, sharing that love with those around us, giving us a true foundation of love and a strong loving imprint on earth to come back to in our next life, for us to keep building on that and expanding and forever evolving back to the divinity we naturally all come from.
I agree – for so many people they have not experienced a lot of care and kindness in their life and it is a great shame that they should die without it in there last moments.
Yes Rebecca and sadly, when they have not experienced kindness, love and tenderness in their lives they reject it when they first experience it and don’t trust it is genuine. I have seen that it actually makes them feel incredibly vulnerable and yet I have noticed some of the most grumpy men and women that I have been around have yearned for this level of love. It is only through consistency, understanding and not taking anything personally that those who work in aged care and with the elderly can change this perception of life. I am full of appreciation for those who work in aged and palliative care and are able to offer this level of love and care to themselves as well as those in their care. I am sure they not only inspire me but also others who see the relationship they have with their patients and clients through this approach.
There is so many versions that are sold to us as self -care where we are asked to rest, take a break, unwind but all in all we are still not taking the moment to truly feel where we are at and the quality that is offered another. Quality in service = quality in livingness