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Relationships, Self-Relationship 969 Comments on The Search for Who I Am

The Search for Who I Am

By Toni Steenson · On January 31, 2016 ·Photography by Gyl Rae

The question I always asked myself when I was a teenager was “Who am I?” This quest for an understanding of that important question spread throughout my life. I tried finding myself in different identities that I was attracted to which I had observed in the world.

I tried to find myself in relationships, in motherhood and a variety of jobs. But when all of these roles were absent from my day I was still here, so I realized that none of these roles defined who I am.

If these roles were who I am I would not exist without them.

I find it very easy to get trapped in the idea that what I do is who I am as a person. If this were true, then when I stopped doing something I would stop existing. If I feel feelings of regret (or feelings of achievement) they are due to an experience I have participated in or observed, I am not regretting me so these feelings are not me either.

If I follow this train of thought it shows I am not what I do as I would not exist without any stimulus outside of myself. A person in a jail isolation cell still exists without outside stimulus; I still am here when asleep even though I am not physically experiencing the world outside of me. So the world outside of me does not define who I am. It may affect me, but it does not define who I am.

So what is it that truly makes us who we are?

It cannot be from any occurrence outside of ourselves as what we do needs constant stimulation to support our existence. It can’t be based on our achievements or failures because as soon as we have an outcome contradictory to this we would no longer exist.

I have found that who we are is a quality that exists within. That quality sends us messages from time to time to remind us that what we are doing is either in conflict or in-line with, the quality we are within.

So if we go a little deeper in exploring these internal messages, what would we find?

I have found that I am a very loving and caring being who wants to share this with all I meet. Sometimes my actions may not reflect these qualities and this is when I receive another internal message that something is amiss. The more I listen to and learn from these messages the closer I get to fully appreciating and knowing who I am. This understanding has nothing to do with how I behave or what I do, but rather it is a self-generated feeling that needs no outside stimulus to support its existence.

The one thing I am learning is there is no end to exploring all that I am; it forever unfolds before me when I take the time to reflect on the internal messages and feelings that guide me back to a truer and deeper understanding of all that I am.

I have searched for this understanding of who I am far and wide and it was my introduction to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that showed me clearly that all the answers were inside of me already; all I had to do was to start listening to that inner voice rather than allow another source outside of myself to tell me who I am.

We all have this exact same inner dialogue of feelings that is us, and from my experience it just takes a bit of listening to start to build a relationship with ourselves. It did take me a while to discern which internal feelings were truly mine and in line with who I am, and which feelings were generated from external ideals and beliefs I had taken on or formed throughout my life.

The never ending support and love I have received from Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and his amazing family has made this possible, practical and tangible for me. This is the greatest gift I have ever received; it keeps on giving as I grow to understand more of who I am. I am forever grateful for this.

By Toni Steenson, Goonellabah, Australia

Further Reading:
We Are So Much More Than This
Who I Really Am
Stillness and Aloneness

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Toni Steenson

A cheeky, sassy woman who enjoys exploring the wonders of life, herself and all. Living with her spunky husband and two amazing children mainly in Northern NSW, but occasionally taking her sparkle on tour. Her job is making space for Love in people's homes as a cleaning lady and crazy as this is, enjoys this immensely, even scrubbing the toilets.

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969 Comments

  • Gabriele Conrad says: December 25, 2017 at 6:25 am

    We might define ourselves by our actions, thoughts, intellect, social standing, title or output or the perceived lack thereof, but what we are is far grander than any of these attributes, mere appendages and in many ways, distractions from our true essence unless they are brought back into the fold and aligned to purpose.

    Reply
  • Stefanie Henn says: December 23, 2017 at 5:47 pm

    Reawakening from all the ideals and beliefs we are carrying and actually rediscovering the true sense of life with us in it is the most freeing process I can imagine and experience. Getting to know myself without all the roles I consciously put on to get through life easier is an amazing journey. It is a never ending journey and the underlying fact, we actually avoid feeling after all, is that we have to accept our grandness that is within us all the time.

    Reply
  • jacqmcfadden04 says: December 18, 2017 at 5:19 pm

    My body has been speaking loud and clear to me lately and has been asking me to stop and review and reimprint an old pattern of mine of never leaving enough time to get to where I am going, so I put myself into rush mode to ge there on time but am no longer in my body but in my head.

    Reply
  • Sylvia says: December 11, 2017 at 7:25 am

    I love the idea that our body is a vessel and it is up to us if we choose to align with the divine in our movements or with emotional energies.
    If we choose mostly emotional energy our body gets sick as the essence of who we are is divine, so naturally it wants to be divine all of the way and brings out of the body what is not divine.

    Reply
    • Stefanie Henn says: December 23, 2017 at 5:51 pm

      It is immense what we have to call in to actually not being divine. Saying YES to our power and purpose will instantly let the divine speak and communicate. No matter how much you have called in before. That is how divine the divine in us is.

      Reply
  • Joshua Campbell says: December 1, 2017 at 1:33 am

    The deeper I go and explore my relationship with myself, the more I have been finding I have had such a deep and entrenched association with what I do and the quality of what I do and I realise just how sickening it is to see yourself purely based on output and doing. I sometimes think what do I have to do to be me. And the answer is absolutely nothing! Your blog beautifully confirms the truth that we are already who we truly are within so we only need to surrender and say yes to that.

    Reply
  • Joseph Barker says: November 25, 2017 at 4:46 am

    Brilliant Toni, as soon as I read your words, my body dropped and began to settle. This is how I feel when I read the truth. Your sharing so beautifully shows how lost we are when we search for Love outside of us, rummaging through the world like a desperate person in an second clothes shop. The true us is in our quality of presence, living knowing we are divine. Anything short of this just isn’t right. So let’s move, live and speak knowing all of this.

    Reply
  • Julie Matson says: November 13, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    When we go through life without truly knowing ourselves and living a lesser version of ourselves every single person on the planet misses out. Not only do they miss out on what we can bring when we are truly connected but they also miss out on the reflection we can give others who have yet to know their true selves.

    Reply
  • Nicola Lessing says: October 13, 2017 at 4:00 am

    It is true who we are is not the human doing aspect but more the human being and from the being comes the doing and everything else. The major question is which energy have we aligned to and everything else is a result of that. We are vehicles of expression and then the question is what are we expressing – all that is from the source of true love / Soul or all that is not.

    Reply
    • Liane Mandalis says: February 19, 2018 at 3:01 pm

      Very true – for ‘who we are’ as a spirit, is very different to who we are as Soul.

      Reply
  • Suse says: October 4, 2017 at 8:31 pm

    We are so much more than the roles we play in the game of life, this is a great blog and a great reminder of this fact thankyou Toni.

    Reply
  • Annelies van Haastrecht says: October 3, 2017 at 5:20 am

    When we become aware that we only get affected and are not defined by the outside world we can also notice that our thoughts are not defining who we are either as they come from the outside world as well.

    Reply
  • John O Connell says: September 17, 2017 at 7:09 pm

    ” The question I always asked myself when I was a teenager was “Who am I?” ” I used to have similar questions when I was a child. My question were from the fact that no-one around me was living who they truly are and where we all come from. This is changing thanks to your writings Toni ,and Universal medicine thank you all.

    Reply
  • Julie says: September 6, 2017 at 7:54 pm

    I have searched for this understanding of who I am far and wide and it was my introduction to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon that showed me clearly that all the answers were inside of me already; all I had to do was to start listening to that inner voice rather than allow another source outside of myself to tell me who I am. When I reached this moment of understanding and knowing, everything in my life changed as I realised my search for the answers to who I was and what my purpose was, I had within me all along.

    Reply
  • Kelly Zarb says: August 28, 2017 at 8:03 am

    “The one thing I am learning is there is no end to exploring all that I am; it forever unfolds before me when I take the time to reflect on the internal messages and feelings that guide me back to a truer and deeper understanding of all that I am.” So very true Toni and what I am finding more and more lately is when I surrender to being still I am able to confirm and appreciate my past choices in life and how I knew long ago who I was, I simply just didn’t trust that was enough. I am now learning that taking the time to stop, nurture and listen to my body shares the greatest wisdom there is and when I do this it’s amazing how my awareness and understanding of life shifts.

    Reply
  • Carola Woods says: August 26, 2017 at 5:31 am

    As I was growing up I often asked myself or the universe or God… what am I here for? As getting a job, being a housewife, having children, owning a house, car, travel etc. all seemed the ‘normal’ things that everyone was doing but I always sensed there was a deeper purpose for us all being here together. I also noticed that if this was really our purpose, why were there so many unhappy people in the world, even though they were doing and achieving all these requirements that supposedly equate to a purposeful and ‘happpy’ life? I have since discovered after trying it for myself that the greatly missing factor in all of it was my connection to my essence within. Without this connection, nothing we do in this world will truly fulfill us, yet with this connection, everything we do has purpose and a loving presence, as we are living who we are, being ourselves, as such true fulfillment is a common experience. This for me is the marker of what real success is.

    Reply
  • Melinda Knights says: August 19, 2017 at 6:24 pm

    Thank you Toni, I always appreciate your honest sharing and the way you explore life. This line really stood out for me “That quality sends us messages from time to time to remind us that what we are doing is either in conflict or in-line with, the quality we are within.” and that it’s by listening that we get to know ourselves more. Simple but powerful, this was really supportive for me to read, thank you.

    Reply
  • Ingrid Ward says: August 15, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    “The one thing I am learning is there is no end to exploring all that I am” and this is something that is a work in progress for me too; and a very delightful one it is. In making the choice to peel back the many layers of ideals and beliefs that are not actually me I have finally discovered the gorgeous woman that I spent so much time searching for everywhere for but where I actually was.

    Reply
  • Chan Ly says: August 12, 2017 at 5:51 pm

    Isn’t it interesting how we often search high and low to find who we are, to find love when in fact what we have been searching for has always been with us all along. It feels like we’ve put blinkers on to play a game of hide and seek.

    Reply
  • Sylvia Brinkman says: August 8, 2017 at 5:54 am

    Interesting subject to talk about, who are we truly. That wat we are when we take all the doing away, let go the roles we play by being mam, dad, aunt, manager etc, where we let go our body image.What is left? Isn’t that the most purest divine light we feel? which is endless and is the union itself?

    Reply
    • Gabriele Conrad says: April 24, 2018 at 10:33 am

      It is very liberating when we discover that we are not any of these external things – the challenge is to then live it consistently.

      Reply
  • Lucy Duffy says: August 4, 2017 at 3:34 am

    It’s easy to see how depression and giving up can take hold of us if we believe we are what we do and then say, lose our job for example. With the job gone we do not know ourselves and think we are worthless without the identification of being what we do. The longer we are unemployed the more the feelings of worthlessness build, unless we can bring ourselves to the truth that we are everything without doing a single thing.

    Reply
  • Vanessa McHardy says: July 30, 2017 at 4:09 am

    The proof that all that lies within is seen all around us in nature. The fact is the universe shows our magnificent every single moment. The fact we get in the way of ‘trying’ to figure out who we are is just proof of other influences that are not within.

    Reply
  • chris james says: July 27, 2017 at 4:09 am

    And this is just the story of one person….. multiply this by many and we have a small insight into the extraordinary support that Serge Benhayon is offering humanity

    Reply
  • John O Connell says: July 19, 2017 at 7:01 pm

    I alway knew who I was , but the world did not want me to be who I truly was , so I began to live what the world wanted and I made choices and decisions on how this world worked. It was not until I met Serge Benhayon and his presentations of the ageless wisdom that I learned it did not have to be this way .

    Reply
  • Vanessa McHardy says: July 13, 2017 at 1:58 am

    So awesome to reconnect to the purpose of life rather than the endless looking outward for affirmation of our worth. That pursuit is one that sees us chasing our tails. Breaking out of the cycle of outward looking is the game changer of how life can be lived.

    Reply
  • Shirley Scott says: June 30, 2017 at 9:46 am

    What I have noticed when pondering who am is the clarity that comes with who I am not. Putting aside who I am not thus gives me a clear understanding and appreciation of the essence of who I truly am. Deepening this understanding and appreciation is certainly a work in progress.

    Reply
  • Roslyn Mahony says: June 29, 2017 at 9:52 am

    This is a blog that opens us up to all the possibilities that searching for a true identity brings. Just reading many of the wonderful comments is inspirational! Then as you say Toni it comes back to Love.

    Reply
  • Shirley Scott says: June 23, 2017 at 8:42 am

    What a beautiful sharing Toni; this morning as I re-read your blog what you have expressed here really resonated with me;
    “The one thing I am learning is there is no end to exploring all that I am; it forever unfolds before me when I take the time to reflect on the internal messages and feelings that guide me back to a truer and deeper understanding of all that I am”.

    Reply
  • Amparo Lorente says: June 13, 2017 at 2:07 pm

    When we are not present in our actions, we don’t offer anything but a void result. We all are much much more than what we do, and this is what makes the difference, when we are aware of it and allow this to unfold through our expression.

    Reply
  • Francisco Clara says: June 5, 2017 at 7:18 pm

    I too searched high and low trying to find the truth of who I was, it never made any sense why it always felt so difficult to feel truth in any of what I was encountering until I found Universal Medicine and realise everything I was looking for is inside of me and it is through my holding of this connection that I have come to know myself as a son of God.

    Reply
  • Shirl Scott says: May 18, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    What you have expressed here Toni is beautiful indeed. I am learning also that being a forever student, exploring all that I am is such a joy, if not at times a challenge; a challenge where true learning and expansion happens;
    “The one thing I am learning is there is no end to exploring all that I am; it forever unfolds before me when I take the time to reflect on the internal messages and feelings that guide me back to a truer and deeper understanding of all that I am”.

    Reply
  • Jill Steiner says: May 16, 2017 at 5:08 am

    We are the gift that keeps on giving both to ourselves and to others when we are connected to who we truly are.

    Reply
  • Golnaz Shariatzadeh says: May 14, 2017 at 5:59 am

    Children ask all sorts of questions. But I have never heard any child asking the question who am I? The fact that as adults so many of us do ask such a question is an indictment of a society that actually pushes us away from that innate awareness of a connection and oneness with the whole of the Universe. A separation from knowing that there is no image or picture to fulfill, because just as the Universe is forever expanding so does our expression and the glory that we bring.

    Reply
  • Julie Matson says: April 25, 2017 at 4:13 pm

    When we have inner turmoil we believe that no other person could possibly understand what we are going through, because it all feels so intense and raw, but the truth of the matter is everyone has these similar feelings and thoughts. Equally so on the other side of the coin we have the ability within us to connect to something far grander than our minds can imagine and that also is there equally so for everyone, with no exception for anyone who is considered special or gifted. Or as many would like to think unworthy of such connection.

    Reply
  • Joseph Barker says: April 19, 2017 at 7:59 am

    I have connected with this quality too Toni, the expansive warmth and beauty of Love. Yet I find I run away after just dipping my toe in, for a brief moment. I keep this place in mind for when things get bad, like a rainy day cure, but don’t seem to consider that I could live every day knowing the quality of divinity that is me. Writing this I can feel I have still been invested in the world that we see and making it ‘better’. I want to ‘have my cake and eat it too’ but this vision of life just isn’t right. In the end I can see it’s a matter of commitment and which camp you are truly in. You can’t be inbetween.

    Reply
  • Annelies van Haastrecht says: April 2, 2017 at 2:39 pm

    Not knowing who we are comes forth out of a disconnection with our body and thoughts (that in truth are not ours but fed by ideals and beliefs) can enter that are pretty intense but never supporting who we truly are. Discerning and focus on the inner voice that’s truly loving is the way to go and this will deepen the relationship we build with ourselves. Lately I have allowed myself to go back into this old pattern of overthinking and analysing. My body has giving me very clear signals through aches and pains how this is not the way, and I know and feel how I’ve been sabotaging a deepening of the love I feel inside.

    Reply
  • Julie Matson says: March 17, 2017 at 8:45 am

    It seems as though when we are in our teenage years we start to get the picture that you are by the definition of your job and the schooling is geared up to have you educated enough so that you are employable, or at least that was the thinking in the 1970’s.
    We were assessed depending on our abilities within the classroom to be either mothering/marriage material or office/career person, and there were no in-betweens. I still remember the meeting with the career guidance officer who steered us according to our abilities within the classroom. So for instance if you did badly in the classroom you were guided towards the cooking, child raising type classes and if you were more successful within the classroom you were guided towards some sort of career, and in my case it was office work.
    So, I can relate deeply to not knowing who I was and in fact giving my power away to anyone who seemed remotely like they knew. And it was only when I met Serge Benhayon that the I posed the question to myself of ‘Who am I’ and realised that I did not have a clue – I had become the roles of mother, daughter, sister, wife, friend, employee, the list is endless.

    Reply
  • Ingrid Ward says: March 16, 2017 at 6:00 pm

    Trying to figure me out used to take up so much of my time; I suspected that there was more to me than what I did, especially the very crazy and unwise things, but I just couldn’t find the key to unlock the door that I knew was there because I was looking outside myself. It wasn’t until, with the love and support from Serge Benhayon, that I turned and looked within and found what I had been looking for, for so long – the true and amazing me.

    Reply
  • Roslyn Mahony says: March 15, 2017 at 8:05 am

    Thank you Toni for your insight into who you are and how each of us also can have this insight also! Often we loose sight of who we truly are but thanks to The Presentations of Serge Benhayon and we all have access to this learning by knowing we are all the Sons of God equally so

    Reply
  • Shirl Scott says: February 20, 2017 at 9:58 am

    Who am I? What a beautiful question to ask ourselves and what a joy it is to keep unfolding and deepening our understanding and acceptance of who we truly are.

    Reply
  • Annelies van Haastrecht says: January 29, 2017 at 10:08 pm

    When we build a relationship with ourselves there is this choice to connect with our inner heart, feeling our breath and how we are moving with our body. The moment I start to see the world only with my eyes, I lose this connection and thoughts can come in which make the outside more important than who I am.

    Reply
  • Helen Elliott says: January 23, 2017 at 5:30 pm

    We can waste so much time searching for our identity on the outside when all that is required is to connect with our inner self and start the dialogue that will support us in whatever we are doing. I wish this had been part of my education because it would have saved a lot of heartache but awesome that you have now started this conversation. Thank you.

    Reply
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