What is it about food that keeps us coming back, already full, feeling content and satisfied and yet, in creeps that little voice saying, “You need to eat, you are hungry.” Why is it that we cannot avoid, ignore, stop, slow down or simply satisfy that little voice that keeps telling us we are hungry and still feel the need to eat, no matter how uncomfortable, full, heavy, tired or lethargic that last unnecessary mouthful may make us feel?
Don’t get me wrong… I am not saying we do not need to eat. I am simply suggesting that possibly we eat more than what we actually need, and that there could be an underlying reason why we eat as much as often as we do.
Perhaps there are issues, feelings, emotions that we feel, observe or see around and within us that we simply do not want to feel. Or could it be that we feel so amazing that we cannot handle just how awesome we are, so we instead opt to take the edge off, dulling ourselves just enough that we no longer feel that which we are possibly trying to avoid?
Food for me has been used in many ways: yes the obvious, we need to eat to survive, but I know for absolute certainty that I eat much more than I actually need. More often than not, it is at times where I am avoiding wanting to feel something that is going on around me – a situation, confrontation or emotion that I just do not want to deal with – so a snack is a great way to take my mind off it. Or that life is going so incredibly well, I am feeling so amazing, that rather than allow myself to truly appreciate and observe this, I dive into some roasted almonds, make some nut butter or decide to do some baking so I can lick the bowl. Better yet, cook a whole heap of food so it keeps me so busy that I totally forget what I am trying to avoid or ignore in the first place.
Again, don’t get me wrong, cooking is a lot of fun; I love it and I love to cook and share meals with others, but it can be something I choose to use as a distraction, rather than something that is done to support, nurture and nourish me.
Whatever the reason, you name it – food has it covered: it is so often our go to, all rounder, good-for-every-occasion best friend and companion. Not to mention conversation piece.
So why is food such a touchy subject? Why is it that everyone at one time or another uses food as a go to, a comforting agent? Yet to truly admit we have addictions with and towards food (well, there is your touchy subject!) is something we avoid looking at. I know I have in the past!
To really go there and look at the how, why and what we eat can be very exposing and bring up a lot, especially when we need to eat to survive. So how crazy is it to question our eating patterns, really? Though I’m beginning to ask, how crazy is it to not question them?
So, I am doing just that. I am questioning the ‘how,’ ‘why,’ ‘what’ and ‘when’ of eating. Yes, it is uncomfortable, and at times I really would rather not go there. Since really getting to the nitty gritty of it, boy oh boy, have those old eating habits wanted to march back in. As soon as I even attempt to avoid something or not appreciate anything, in comes the voice, a Jiminy Cricket you could say, chanting, “Go on, eat it!”
So the challenge begins when my body feels amazing, light, vital – and in comes the avoidance, the tension of, “Oh no! Life! I have to deal with all of this,” or “I cannot be this amazing,” – and the little voice says “Quick! Grab some food or better yet, even though you already cannot breathe after a huge meal, go back and have a second serve.”
It’s crazy that, even though we can be so uncomfortable that our body is screaming, “No more, you need to fast for a week after that outburst,” the tension is so great we often override it and lash out time and time again, each time saying, “Never again.”
Food and alcohol, – are they really any different, or is it that we see food as a necessity and therefore dare not question it? Could the drive behind how, why, and what we eat actually be coming from a thought, a mindset that is not actually our own?
Do we avoid ourselves so much that filling ourselves up with food is a better option than allowing ourselves to truly feel just how amazing we are? I am understanding that it does not matter what anyone else thinks of us; it is what and how we feel about ourselves that matters most.
To love, appreciate and accept ourselves in full, not needing food to fill the gap of why we do not choose to fill for ourselves first with our own love and appreciation.
By Nicole Serafin, Age 45yrs, Tintenbar, NSW
Further Reading:
Food Choices – From Eating for Taste to Eating to Nourish
Self-Care and My Inbuilt Automatic Feedback Loop
Zombie Way of Life
692 Comments
It is so easy to abuse the body with food and often we don’t even see it as abuse, we see it as a treat. We go for cake or chocolate at the end of a long day, reaching out for a glass of wine after a stressful day at work is common yet the physicality of the body so naturally demonstrates the harm of this.
Checkouts often have quantities of snacks, chocolate and sweets and when shopping with young children pester power often wins out. Not a great way to educate our young ones about healthy food consumption.
“Perhaps there are issues, feelings, emotions that we feel, observe or see around and within us that we simply do not want to feel. ” Spot on Nicole. It is well known that traumatised young ones may often go on to have a disordered eating pattern – whether to deny themselves food or binge eat. Dealing with our hurts – a way to disentangle ourselves from such patterns
I have found myself feeling quite tired this week and as a result the “You need to eat, you are hungry” voice became very loud indeed, so loud a couple of times that it blocked the knowing that I was actually not hungry, I simply needed to rest. I am slowly starting to differentiate between the feeling that I am truly hungry and when I am just tired, but I still get caught out every now and then, with my body subsequently suffering from my non-nourishing food choices.
I would say that I have an addiction to food and that equally I don’t want to see what I’m avoiding. This blog gives me a lot to consider and ponder on in terms of why I have such a tumultuous relationship with food.
Food adverts seem to be appearing everywhere, this morning when I logged onto my business banking account there was a packet of sausages staring me in the face, so why is it wherever we turn we are being sold the latest drink, snack or new diet/superfood? Could it be there is more to, what’s behind the adverts enticing us to consume more?
“Food for me has been used in many ways: yes the obvious, we need to eat to survive, but I know for absolute certainty that I eat much more than I actually need.” I think when we are honest we all know when we are eating to much but it is one of our best ways of numbing ourselves so we do everything and anything to keep it this way. Even though it is keeping us small as we could feel so much greater when we would be willing to eat just what the body truly needs.
The more we live the love we are, the more we realise how food and everything about the digestion of it and in particular of certain foods/foodstuffs, affect us and our body. Listening to and taking full note of that response leads to deeper self-love. Deeper self-love is how we evolve.
If we genuinely and biologically needed to eat as much as we do, the food companies wouldn’t have to work so hard to entice us to eat. It’s simple; the demand isn’t truly there, so they have to create it falsely – this is the foundation of the whole zillion-dollar industry
Yes, Nicole, when we eat food to dull our awareness and our senses, we are abdicating responsibility for ourselves and getting to the bottom of what is creating tension inside us. With commitment and self-awareness we can learn to manage our emotions and reactions so that they don’t rule us.
Sometimes when we know we are eating to numb or bludgeon ourselves we can get caught up in beating ourselves up, far better to focus on the love we are and the loving acts and movements we do make – we then notice the unhealthy choices start to drop away – naturally.
I had a great experience yesterday where I went out for a meal and I ate really lightly. Previously I would have chosen a large meal as I was ‘out’ and it was a ‘treat’, but this time I felt what would support my body and felt how much to eat and it was being with a friend that was the focus rather than stuffing myself with food and so I felt light in my body and was able to sleep well afterwards.
Inspiring Rebecca, I know what you mean with eating more than you usually would because you’re out. With you eating light your friend would have got more of you, instead of a dulled down version from overeating.
Nicole, I went through a period recently of really overeating, I put on weight and I felt dull and heavy. It has felt great to look at and talk about why I was overeating, being honest about it and instead talking about how I have been feeling has allowed me to stop overeating as much as I was, and if something upsets me I am starting to stay with this and allow myself to feel the upset and sadness rather than eating to avoid feeling it.
“To love, appreciate and accept ourselves in full, not needing food to fill the gap of why we do not choose to fill for ourselves first with our own love and appreciation.” – a loving work in progress for me but one that I love working on.
We tolerate a bloated, uncomfortable feeling in our body when we choose to overeat, but why? When it’s possible to feel vital and fresh even after a meal…
‘So the challenge begins when my body feels amazing, light, vital… “I cannot be this amazing,”’ I have clocked in myself in those times when my body feels amazing, so light, open, delicate and an inner strength of knowing. I love it when I feel this way. It doesn’t make sense that I choose to sabotage myself by over eating or eating stuff that I know will dull me, virtually straight away. Being in a light body brings more awareness and I want to avoid being more of that.
I am noticing that I am far more likely to choose foods that I know do not support me when I haven’t taken the time to prepare enough food that is truly nourishing in advance. So when I come home from work and my body is feeling genuinely hungry, I want to eat something straight away if there is nothing there, that’s when I wobble the most. I generally put time aside on Sunday to prepare food that I can add things to during the week, giving me a loving foundation from which to make loving food choices during my week.
I feel the reason why ‘food’ and our eating habits is such a touchy subject is that we all know when we are abusing ourselves with food. We know when it’s our ‘go to medicine’ and we avoid being completely honest about it as then we’re faced with having to make a choice – do we knowingly continue to abuse ourselves, or do we start to make more loving choices to deconstruct our ‘attachment’ to food once and for all. It’s much easier to just plead ignorance and carry on with irresponsible ways.
‘I love to cook and share meals with others, but it can be something I choose to use as a distraction, rather than something that is done to support, nurture and nourish me.’ – I can very much relate to this Nicole, whilst I totally appreciate how very different my approach to cooking is today, than it was say 8 years ago. Not only am I eating different foods, those that truly nourish my body, but I am drawn to eat them, I want to eat them, rather than feeling like I ‘should’ eat them. With this I also appreciate that I still have a complex relationship with food and that there are many more layers for me to lovingly peel back before I am ‘free’ of my ‘attachment’ to food.
“So the challenge begins when my body feels amazing, light, vital – and in comes the avoidance, the tension of, “Oh no! Life! I have to deal with all of this,” or “I cannot be this amazing,”” This so explains what happened to me today, there I was feeling really light and aware of what was going on and it was too much so there I went and ended up eating things I didn’t even enjoy. Really it is crazy that we try our best to dim our light that otherwise shines so brightly.
“To Nourish or Bludgeon – How do we Use Food?” – the exploring of ourselves in (self) relationship leads to the exploring of foods to become responsive to which types/forms of food support us naturally and which ones don’t. We only bludgeon with food when this exploration has been stamped on or trodden over.
I’ve been refining my relationship with food and couldn’t agree more with what had been shared here. How I use food to keep me in comfort and avoid the tension I’m feeling in my body because something is coming up for me.
I observed the old habits I used to have creeping in again. What’s even more interesting is I observe the signs to say don’t eat this or don’t eat anymore as I’ll either spill it or drop the whole thing – what a message I cannot ignore anymore.
Yes indeed, Nicole. When I turn to food to relieve tension or fill the sense of emptiness I feel inside, I now stop myself and enquire ‘where has the love gone?’ I know that as soon as I re-connect to myself and feel the love in my body again there will no longer be a craving for any kind of substitute.
“What is it about food that keeps us coming back, already full, feeling content and satisfied and yet, in creeps that little voice saying, “You need to eat, you are hungry.” Perhaps the question is not looking in the correct direction. Perhaps it could be re-framed as ‘how much love can you feel on offer in your body that you want to dull yourself to not be aware, to drop your vibration so you don’t feel that amazingness?’
I say yes to this, “Could the drive behind how, why, and what we eat actually be coming from a thought, a mindset that is not actually our own?” because there are so many times that when I feel my body it does not need food and there are no hunger sensations at all but then something happens (might just be 5 mins later) and all of a sudden hunger pains are there. It’s like checking in to the body and then the mind who when we give the upper hand to goes no listen to me you need something outside of yourself right now.
How do we use life? It seems like we all want a ‘good’ one but if we are honest do we get up every day to nurture our light or bludgeon it to fit in?
You pose the question ‘how do we use food’ but I would suggest that it’s a case of ‘how does energy reduce us through food?’
It’s not the food, it’s the energy that’s chosen. It’s always the energy we are choosing, or aligning to, it’s not the food. Food is inert. It can’t jump up and bite us, it can’t push itself down our throats. We choose the energy way before we pick up the food.
Great point to raise Ariana – it is always energy first.
‘Do we avoid ourselves so much that filling ourselves up with food is a better option than allowing ourselves to truly feel just how amazing we are?’ One would think that this is crazy but it isn’t when I consider that we aren’t brought up to embrace our amazingness at all. We maybe get praised for doing a good job at something or excelling in one area, but just for being amazing, well, that’s usually downplayed, belittled or ignored. Could it be that I/we need to give ourselves permission to be amazing no matter what jealousy, ignoring or disapproval comes our way?
It is not about not to eat, as our bodies do need to be nurtured with nurturing food, but mostly it is about the quality in which we eat that makes the difference and takes off the importance of just only the food.
For many it is difficult to withstand the temptation of a peace of pastry or another treat and therefore it is seen as a normal. But how is that for those who do not have that need to have this treat but simply choose to listen to their body. Perhaps it is wise to study those as to me there is something to learn from and that not being able to withstand the temptation is simply an addiction to needing a reward in any sort of treat.
I can feel quite sorry for my body, the bludgeoning I have done to it over this lifetime. It does feel so awful when we overeat, but we can return to it again and again. The need for distraction from something can be so strong that even when we understand what is happening, we can still repeat the pattern. The key is to sit with it and feel the discomfort more deeply.
I am really adoring the learning with food. It is inspiring to learn step by step how the body is really not what we are told it is like, but to find this out in daily experiments is hugely worthwhile.
And that makes life so beautiful. As we are all returning back to Soul it is in how quick we do learn from what life in any moment is presenting to us and do take the steps that are needed. And in this learning food is so profound and on the foreground as we do use it too to distract ourselves from this advancement in the learning and use it to dull ourselves which is seen in many bodies nowadays. But we can also become very conscious with it and learn how to eat to have a body that is vital and light. A body that is able to take that next step back to Soul withour any effort or hesitation.
This has been the biggest challenge for me. Food was a family event, cooking was a different thing altogether, flavours and being full was important to me. I grew up in an environment where food would be scarce and we were not allowed to waste anything.
Even to this day I over ride what my body is feeling.
What I am now finding is noticing the subtle messages coming through my body, I am questioning myself, I wasn’t hungry so why did I eat. I observe how I am left feeling afterwards when I disregard my body’s communication?
This is another adventure and love the messages coming through from my body more and more.
I was offered a point of reflection today. I am in my last few weeks of pregnancy and food has been a bit all over the place. But today – I was really asked to consider how I want to spend the last few weeks of pregnancy, and am I eating more fruit to race the body so I don’t feel the stillness offered. The answer is yes, and so sitting with this reflects the responsibility we have with food, and how we can use it to support us rather than take us away from what is there to feel.
That is a great question to ask when pregnant but one that we can stop to consider at anytime. Like, before we eat something or go for a second helping ask ‘do we really want to feel that way in the morning’ or go to work feeling tired and dull. Asking ourselves these questions really puts things into perspective.
I have recently made a number of choices around food which means that I am not ‘bludgeoning’ my body with it as much but this happened without me trying to make a change, rather the food habits just disappeared. This being due to me saying yes to that which I had been resisting previously. Now I can feel where there is the potential for further refinements in what and how I eat but I will allow these choices to come through feeling why I currently make them and look at accepting more of all I am and bring.
Michael if what you have experienced, live and shared was on mass then the dieting industry and all that comes with it would go bust, as it completely takes away the mentality that we need to have self-discipline or resist this food and that etc. Simply saying yes to life and evolving in our every day takes care of our body.
Yes, Nicole. These two words ‘nourish’ and ‘bludgeon’ perfectly describe the two options we have on offer each time we eat. The difference in the quality of energy whilst eating (even the exact same food) means that we either feel supported in our bodies or completely smashed, bloated or heavy from the meal. For me the key is to not eat in order to relieve or numb myself from hurts or ill choices I do not want to feel, but instead honouring the body and what it needs to be fit for purpose.
Agreed Janet, the quality of energy of how we do what we do is far more important than what we are actually doing. Even though both are ultimately important.
And what about the ubiquitous micro-wave that will simply provide fast food in seconds.
Love of food will one day be understood for the Love in the way it is brought, prepared, eaten and also the importance of our divine expression while eating so that our connection to our essence in that expressing becomes the key element in how what and where we eat.
Amazing how we know exactly how to dull ourselves and with what food, I have found that often there is a calculation/u-turn that occurs where i get a clear sense of what would be the most supportive meal for me to eat, yet when i come to prepare it, I go off on another tangent and suddenly after a few twists and turns the meal is bigger and more ambitious and no where near my first sense.
When we complain about the effect of overeating and how our body feels after we use food to ‘bludgeon’, it’s a great question to ask why we then do it again the next day, or the next week… Could it be that we are getting more out of it than just the discomfort, and that actually there is something we are seeking out in terms of a sense of dullness, distraction or dis-ease that means we don’t have to be aware of so much that’s happening around us?
The sophistication of this dulling and distraction can be so subtle but on the surface, we can see the impact this is having on each other with escalating weight gains and our health systems at epidemic levels of overload.
This is such a great question here about why we eat, how we eat, how much do we eat, and when do we eat. Very little of our eating is because of true hunger, it’s all to do with habits, comfort, behaviours, numbing from feeling something or beliefs. I know I often eat too much when I am tired… instead of simply going to bed.
‘Bludgeon’ That is such a good word for what we do to ourselves when we ignore the truth of our body and just follow the dictates of our mind . Nourish feels wholesome and infers care and love.
I agree Gill, sometimes I just want off the merry go round of eating for the sake of it and then stop and ask myself if I am actually hungry, and more often than not the answer is no. At that point, I know that I do not need the food.
I know that I often eat too much when I want to dull being more aware.