I have begun to truly love men, but not in the sense of being a crazed, man-eating woman.
Nothing to do with sex, or sexual feelings; not in the sense of looking for a partner, nothing along those lines, but the fact that I love men in their essence, as an equal, as a fellow human being who is exactly the same as me. I love what men bring to the world in a naturally sweet, loving, caring, gentle and tender way, and how the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man is in all men, not just a few.
Each day it is a joy to feel this unfold. What I love about men in their essence is just how natural this tenderness and gentleness can be, and how simply being in the presence of a true gentle-man is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world, whether it’s simply:
- A man honouring me for just being me, not what I look like, nor what I do
- Having a conversation
- Observing them
- An offer of help
- A loving gesture, or act
- An email exchange
- A hug
- A kiss or
- A gentle and tender touch.
When I experience men in this gentle, tender state of being, all hardness and or protection I may have been carrying completely drops, and I am left feeling my own exquisite tenderness, gentleness and deep care; and the fact that men are not really hard, rough and tough, but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender.
There’s been many occasions where I have been blessed to feel such lovely men, and yet at the time I have not appreciated this naturally gentle and tender way. Instead I have reacted to what’s been projected on the outside, a stereotype, a hardness, an anger, a protection, a story; all of those things which I know of men are not really true.
However the times when I have, and now do appreciate men for who they truly are, I have felt it from:
- Sharing a hug with a male friend that felt so open and amazing with no sexual feelings whatsoever.
- Having my hair gently moved out of my face with such tenderness and care it completely blew me away.
- Feeling arms wrapped around me gently with deep care.
- Hearing a man’s voice who’s living with such love and care and feeling my whole body expand.
- Having a conversation with a man who has held me as his equal with true love and care.
- Being kissed truly from love with no sexual desire. The true feeling where a kiss comes from love, and that is simply what it is, no other reason, not wanting anything, no need for sex or just wanting sex or lust, just simply love. So often affections are shown with such a strong sexual energy instead of true beauty, appreciation and love.
- Simply observing a grown man sleeping on the train, seeing the beautiful, tender and innocent young boy in him, and naturally feeling love.
- Observing how tender a man is with a baby or child.
Even last week when playfully asking a group of workmen if I could take their photo, I was left feeling how sweet, shy, gentle and lovely these men were… it was like watching a group of beautiful young boys at play, not something we normally equate with the stereotype of a workman.
What I am coming to feel is that under the hard exteriors that many men have built to protect themselves are the most naturally loving and caring men, but they have learned somewhere in life to not show this and hide it away.
Maybe it’s been in the playground or at the school gates, when beautiful young boys are told to wipe their tears away, to ‘man-up’, be tough, to not be a sissy or a girl, or stop being gay. Maybe it’s all the role models, the media, the ideals and beliefs that a man is rough, rugged, muscular, hard, tough, has to fight or compete his way through life, and that to talk, to share how you feel, to be open, express, to cry, to be love, to be sensitive, gentle and tender is not how a real man should be.
But what if these beliefs and ideals were a lie to keep men from knowing who they truly are and sharing their tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity with the world? What would happen if we allowed men to be this way?
Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be. Without saying anything or having any expectations I can observe, feel and appreciate the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man, even if it’s not what he’s choosing to be at that particular moment, and that all men are as equally tender and gentle as any woman or child can be.
With love and thanks to Serge Benhayon, Curtis Benhayon and Michael Benhayon, for they are without doubt amazing, truly loving and tender role models for all men; and to Universal Medicine for all they present, live and share, and to all the truly beautiful, tender and gentle-men out there.
By Gyl Rae, Student and waitress, Scotland
Tender men feel and act like they are little boys but with an absoluteness and authority that is confirming them in there True power and this is the same for women in there True fragility.
When we are asleep we drop all the masks, we allow the vulnerability of who we are to simply be.
The true essence of a man is identical to the true essence of a woman and the true essence of all of us is the essence of God.
We are all lost in the wilderness of Who We Are Not whilst the truth of who we all are remains intact within us all.
The magnificence of a true man can never be underestimated.
Gyl I truly love what you have shared and through your sharing you have conveyed the true feeling of men so eloquently. I can actually feel the truth of who men are through your written word.
Sometimes men feel unable to be gentle because we women are always confirming them in something they are not. When we let others be who they truly are gentleness is allowed to surface and shine.
Gyl, I have witnessed this happening in the playground; ‘Maybe it’s been in the playground or at the school gates, when beautiful young boys are told to wipe their tears away, to ‘man-up’, be tough, to not be a sissy or a girl, or stop being gay.’ It is a real shame that boys are under such pressure to be hard and tough, rather than be the beautiful, sensitive and gentle boys they truly are.
I agree, and when a man is allowed to express sadness or surrender in that way, it is felt by all and is healing for all.
In my community I visit an elderly man, he is a very simple, calm and gentle man that is very inspiring and beautiful to be around.
Just reading your list of reasons that you have come to love and appreciate men for the gorgeous qualities that they bring is deeply touching. I too have had experiences similar to these, and they do, without doubt fill you with the deepest appreciation of what it is to be a true man. So, whats not to love?!
Could it be that we are all such loving beings that to take away our Sacredness, which includes our tenderness, sensitivities, preciousness, fragility and sexiness does not feel normal. Then when we are reconnected to our essences including our Sacredness, the Love that has always resided within feels like we have come home. Or taken our bat and ball and gone home.
In coming home we let go of any attachment to what creation offers including the games that are all consuming and they alll keep us from our evolution.
When a man is living his essence and sharing all the qualities that come with that, it is truly amazing to experience. I grew up noting how toughened men were expected to be, even adverts idealised a certain man, rugged, impenetrable, unfeeling, and physically strong, it’s such a huge reduction of the true qualities boys and men have, it’s like squashing them into a mould and expecting them to be untrue to themselves.
I just love observing the true delicateness of men. A man who allows himself to show this with the world invites me as a woman to go deeper in my stillness and sacredness.
A gentle man who does not hold this back is a joy to behold. I love that men can be tender and loving. It is just gorgeous and reflects to other men that they can let down their guard.
It’s definitely true that the more tenderness I allow myself to feel in me the more tenderness I am able to feel and appreciate in others and the deeper tenderness grows.
Yes and I wonder if that is why men are not allowed or afraid to allow their tenderness to come to be lived on the surface – because, as women, we are not living that ourselves and therefore don’t live it as a strength.
I welcome the day when we embrace men living with their tenderness and sensitivity, ‘what if these beliefs and ideals were a lie to keep men from knowing who they truly are and sharing their tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity with the world? What would happen if we allowed men to be this way?’
True Tenderness and the fragility that we can live with as our daily Livingness bring a Deep-Humble-Appreciative-Ness of the Sacredness we can all live in!
Humble being our connection to our Soul, and appreciation being a confirmation of our divinity and also that of everything/one being divine, and this level of appreciation we are confirming and living with True intimacy, and all three give us True purpose. With True intimacy being not sexual but our ability to let people in.
Every point of appreciation you shared here Gyl had me melting as this has been my experience also with men and the quality of who they naturally are. Yes the intensity of ideal and beliefs of what society continues to impose on men is still a reality for many men to have to deal with and this highlight how every time we are with men we have the opportunity to meet them for who they truly are, and be blessed by the gorgeous quality the naturally hold within.
When we call boys or men girls, sissies or gay we have already rejected them by asking them to become something they are not – tough, insensitive and hard. It shows how very cold ideals are, they are used in this instance to degrade girls, gay people and boys and men. Why on earth would we allow something so ludicrous and degrading? Such an ideal of men being tough and hard also communicates a superiority that such a way of being is above all others, especially anything naturally sensitive or fragile, which we all are.
Gyl, you show exactly what we have forgotten as women and men, we are natural tender and gentle, there is only denial that keeps us forth being blind, nothing is truly gone – as our tenderness and gentle ways are always there.
We are naturally tender, it is lovely to appreciate this, ‘ I love what men bring to the world in a naturally sweet, loving, caring, gentle and tender way, and how the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man is in all men, not just a few.’
When a man lets their guard down we women just melt – it is a true gift to humanity.
Men feel the beauty of life so acutely, to the point that what’s not Love is hard to compute. And so we lock our feelings down under layers of hurts and rejection. But our essence is always truly beautiful.
I agree Joseph – men are very sensitive, and equally very good at hiding away our feelings. With me I’m also seeing how I’m using my past hurts and rejections so that I don’t have to shine my beautiful nature.
Relating with men from equalness, brotherhood and no images, is what makes me enjoy their presence much more every day, and the best way I find to honour their essence. There is so much we can share from there..
This is a beautiful homage to men, of the true and tender beings they are.
This sharing shows how we can have a picture of how men should be but in fact we are all tender and delicate first. It is gorgeous to read your love and appreciation for a man who is in his tenderness and does not hold back expressing this.
As a woman who was sexually assaulted in my teens by a man twice my age I have struggled in my relationship with men because I always believed subconsciously they were bad, however in my heart mind body and soul I have been realizing for the past week or two that I love men. I may have been terrified of them before but due to my own personal growth I have learned to appreciate their strengths and weaknesses and love them for the beautiful people they are. I’ve had more men be respectful and loving towards me than I realized. I’ve met more good men with flaws than I have bed men in my life. I understand that just because I am not his match doesn’t make him a bad man, nor does it mean I have bad taste in men. it’s just they have flaws like I do and at times our flaws may not complement each other. I broke up with a guy I love deeply but can’t be with because no matter how hard we try we are not the right compliment to each other. I believe he deserves to have someone love him as much as he loves and who can be on his level. I also deserve someone who can mentally engage me in more than just a sexual way. He did what he knew to do and so did I, but it just wasn’t what either he or I needed. That sucks because I have never felt that way about a man before. I’ve always been angry at them for one reason or another unable to see from any perspective except my own but after this relationship I have grown into a better woman than I was before meeting him.
Thank you for your sharing Brandy, it feels so honest, raw and full of understanding. Going beyond what we want in a relationship and accepting what is truly there for us, is sometimes the only door open to love, even though we need to say goodbye..
It’s a sad fact that because of how we are brought up many of us are not encouraged to experience true respect and appreciation for the other gender – too often through education and how society is we allow ourselves to see another gender as different rather then seeing the absolute love equality we all are.
Great title and what it allows me to feel is that it is only when I am open to exploring my own tenderness that I become willing to recognise and appreciate it in others and to truly love my fellow brothers.
Thank you Gyl, it brings back the love ! The love that men are, just equally to everybody else , and their specific reflection (angle) they give when they are left to be themselves in full. No patterns, no toughness at all. That is not who they are. And we as women especially should offer men all the space to be themselves so.
“What I love about men in their essence is just how natural this tenderness and gentleness can be, and how simply being in the presence of a true gentle-man is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world..” – indeed so, and the more we see the beautiful qualities of ourselves and our gender whether we’re male or female the more we start to appreciate the all that we and the other person is too to make the relationship equal and one of great beauty.
I work with a team of men and am deeply touched by the level of care they bring to their work. The more that I appreciate this in them, it is like the more it gives it permission to be expressed. These men I adore and they mean a lot to me and also how they are with each other is very beautiful to witness. They don’t compete with each other, they support each other and work towards the same purpose but in their own ways- all of which compliment each other.
It’s great to hear about men who don’t compete with one another because competition between men is rife and greatly reduces their sensitivity as they toughen up to spar.
I spent much of my life being afraid of men. I felt like men were a different species that was tough and unfeeling. Over the past five years I have seen that this fear of men was based on a lie. I now know men to be deeply sensitive beings and my appreciation for men grows daily.
Yes I love the tenderness in men and I also love their power, strength and wisdom. In fact I love men and women with all their varied qualities and expressions.
I recently had dinner with 4 really lovely young men. It was beautiful to watch them all working together to prepare a meal and hugging each other. It was super sweet and felt so natural for them to be that way with each other.
Somehow, this post made me emotional. It feels painful, at the same time, I’m glad. Someone actually notices that we, men, have to sometimes go to great lengths to hide how we truly feel. I have been raised to believe that I have no rights to show my vulnerable side.
We focus on what men do and some of our crazy habits, but gaze lovingly and look underneath you will see pretty quick his sweet and delicate qualities. They are way more obvious than men like to think! Thanks Gyl for reminding me.
The responsibility of how a man should be is not from what a woman thinks or wants, that is perpetuating that men are rejected and cannot be who they are. But if a woman simply lives her Truth and her essence, from that men will understand what it is to be a man, also from Truth and from essence.
Whenever I am met by a man who walks claimed in his tenderness I can say in all honesty that I melt every time, as it feels like I am held in the arms of Brotherhood, which confirms so deeply that we are of the one same source. To be open to meet men for who they are in essence, is to deeply honor their true strength, so they too feel confident and free to embrace living the power they are here to live, share and inspire us all with.
There is so much to appreciate in all of us, man woman or child, if we see with unveiled eyes we will see what is truly there to be seen.
When a woman is met and honoured with the tender and caring ways of a man there is nothing less but a joy to be in the company of both. What a wonderful blog reminding us that the potential is always there if we choose to make it about our everyday.
It is a lovely piece of appreciation for men and honours the very sweet, delicate, sensitive and tender sides we all have just had hidden away because generally the world has not wanted or accepted us being that way. So to get it written down as you have is a real blessing. Thank you.
So beautifully shared Gyl. When I began to see just how sensitive, tender and sweet men naturally are I also began to feel devastated by the way men have been used and abused by systems such as war, sport and relationships. Feeling how vulnerable men truly are rocked my foundations and I found that I had an investment is seeing men as rough and unfeeling as this allowed me to stay numb to the horrific state most men are in.
It’s very lovely to read and feel the truth and love of men being honoured. It does not happen from women enough.
To be able to see behind the façade that most men have erected, simply to be the man that society expects them to be, is such a blessing. It is so wonderful to feel their sensitivity and their tenderness and to know that this has been with them since birth but as they live in a world that expects them to be tough and macho the walls of hardness need to be built to cover up who they truly are. It is time for us all to acknowledge the most beautiful and natural essence of a boy and to support him to retain his innate tenderness and sensitivity so he can grow into the man he was born to be.
“I have begun to truly love men, but not in the sense of being a crazed, man-eating woman.”
“I love what men bring to the world in a naturally sweet, loving, caring, gentle and tender way, and how the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man is in all men, not just a few. ”
Its so beautiful to read these words Gyl for deep down every man knows these words to be truth.
Truly profound sharing Gyl, for we are shown that we are all equal by nature, but the shape we had taken on might differ to our upbringing, but that in truth might result into a certain character that we call us, but our nature remains for it is our every gentle way – of being tenderly you. So it is time we go back to that, holding ourselves in that truly so..
If a man truly knows himself, he knows his tenderness and his strength, and then he has a responsibility to be true in the world, transparent, so that people can look into his eyes, through him, and be nurtured by what is there reflected… And to feel the possibility of something very different.
When I was younger I used to feel intimidated by men especially those in power, but the more I deepen my connection with myself the more I develop all relationships, I no longer feel intimidated rather I see them as a man first rather then a threat.
It is gorgeous to see a man be open and tender. Allowing him to share his sensitivities does indeed melt any rough and tough images I may have or still hold onto. And when I don’t lace what I am receiving with expectations of how he should be – wow.
To have a woman so openly and deeply appreciate our truth is gold-trimmed, diamond-embossed invitation for us to be even more. Thank you for this blog – it inspires me to keep going deeper.
I fully agree Otto. When my essence is felt and appreciated this deeply, I feel an amazingly beautiful connection and oneness, which indeed inspires me to go even deeper. There is no better invitation than to be asked to be more of myself.
For sure men are taught by society to harden up and to hide your sensitivity as if there was something wrong with it.
“…they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender.” Yes they do and it is so easy to be distracted by the outer shell of hardness and of protection because that sensitivity is not valued or championed on the whole in a man, yet there is such strength when it is lived without apology.
I have come to know that beneath the hardened exterior of a man who has taken on the accepted belief that to be a man you have to ‘harden up’, is the tender, delicate and beautiful young boy that he once was. It is so wonderful to know this but at the same time quite sad to know that this is a way of living that so many men have accepted in their need to fit into what society considers to be normal. There is nothing normal about a man, or a woman, pretending to be who they are not; it only serves to harm them and the whole world misses out on the amazing beings they naturally are.
I couldn’t help but relate some of these ‘manly’ qualities to myself and realise where I am still holding protection or hardness and guardedness. Thank you Gyl.
It is when we allow our own equal qualities to shine through that we are then given the joy of feeling this from another.
I used to think these qualities of Men that you describe Gyl were extremely rare and almost unseen in this world. But lately I’ve been noticing that almost every man I meet has this delicacy and preciousness going on beneath the surface, of what they do for work or sport. If you get the chance to look into their eyes chances are you’ll see tenderness and great warmth just looking for some light to tell them it’s ok, to live and be this way. When we say yes to this in what we show them it is not only safe but extremely possible.
To truly love men is to to see past the many illusions that have put before us.
Your list of qualities you have listed applies for men and women. Only when we can feel the qualities, you have presented in our self, live them fully and accept we no longer have to try and be something we are not, life becomes joy-full, and life just flows!
The more I deepen the relationship and appreciation I have for myself the more I am able to feel it in others around me.
In today’s world, I feel we are completely underestimating the strength of a man’s innate care and tenderness by misinterpreting their physical strength as their only strength.
It is only since developing the relationship I have with myself, getting to know me and deeply trusting myself that I have been able to connect to and trust men. With out this relationship of self love we will be forever seeing things in a distorted view.
Great point Samantha, this has been my experience too. If I honour my own sensitivity I am then able to appreciate the sensitivity of others. Everything we choose to see is a reflection of the relationship we have with ourselves.
Great sharing as the level of openness we have with ourselves is the quality to share with another.
It is so easy to get caught up in the stereo-types of what a man should be. To believe that that is what we are – the images we place on to eachother. I have found that a great breaker of these images to begin to ask questions, either to the person or just with myself, as it is often in the sincere exploration of what I only see that the truth seems reveals itself the most.
Don’t judge a book by its cover; get inside it and see what it’s pages reveal. As it is with all of us – men and women; we are imprisoned by, and we imprison ourselves with, these stereotypes and pictures. And yet underneath it all is just a bunch of glorious, tender souls who want to share and express their love for each other equally. So, get all that garbage out the way and dive in!
When the beauty of what men bring is honoured and not what one wants of them , one will always see the true man . This also applies to young male children if they feel , see no expectation , then one will see the truth of whats there, A tender care-full being.
Yes, to honour the beauty of what a man brings in their essence and not place expectations on them, then wow, what care-full, divine beings stand before us. Inspiring indeed.
Recently I have been aware of how I have chosen to push away the gentleness, care and tenderness coming through men. It made me feel uncomfortable and so would do all I could like creating an argument to purposely avoid it yet with this new awareness has come an openess, an openess and willingness to welcome a warmth and love that is naturally there in all men into my life, a tenderness that is changing my life.
Recently I was at the gym, and looked around at the other men in the changing room. I observed as they carefully ironed their shirts, lovingly put their cuff links on and playfully laughed with their friends. It made me see, as you share here Gyl, that often I am blinded by the stereotypes and habits we all have in society that are not true and so I miss the natural delicacy and beauty that is actually there. Don’t believe the things you hear, or take the bad behaviour as proof all men do not care – each of us I have met have within us such tenderness just waiting to be encouraged.
The more I drop my guard and protection the more I see men for who they truly are – beautiful, naturally sweet, loving, caring, gentle and tender.
Yep I love appreciating the natural tenderness in men as well, it is completely gorgeous and allows me to drop any protection I am carrying as well.
I used to be very scared of men when I was younger and felt unsafe at times. But since I have deepened my own relationship and connection with me, all of my relationships with others has changed too. I share many lovely connections with men now and the fear that I once held has simply melted away as I have built the love for myself, my love for men has grown too. Men are truly gentle and tender souls, just as women are.
I have always loved being around men but I have realised recently that I was very rarely my true self when I was with them; that there was a layer of protection around me that kept me ‘safe’, just in case. Over the last few years I have loved observing the changes in many men that I know as they let go of their layers of protection and reconnect to the beautifully tender beings that they naturally are. And these days when I am with men I am now able to let go of all that was holding me back from them and in doing so letting them truly see me.
Absolutely Gyl, I agree, on the surface there’s a roughness and toughness you can see, but it’s really nothing compared to the care, warmth and tenderness that is there. Just one deeper look at the men around me and I can see it so easily – everything is so naturally there. Your words here inspire me not to wait, and to choose to let these qualities out today.
I used to be really weary of men, thinking that it was not possible to have a true friendship because sexual energy would get in the way, however I have deepened my love and trust within myself and now have some amazing male friendships. which continue to grow each day.
I love this Gyl ‘…but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender.’ – it is so true and it highlights how wrong we currently have it in our understanding to be of what strength and power is. When a man lives in connection to his tender qualities within, he brings to the world and all he meets a beholding love that honors and reflects the truth, that real strength is being the love we are, and this is our true power.
Such a beautiful blog in appreciation of men. I’m not sure that men generally realise what a joy it is for us to be treated with gentleness and tenderness and what’s more realise how awesome it is for them to treat themselves and each other in this way too.
I’ve recently attended a retreat in the UK and the men were greeting each other with hugs and kisses, it was so lovely to see instead of the crushing hand shakes that jars the body. The men were just as tender as the women so exquisite to observe.
It’s very healing for everyone to have tender, sensitive, open, and caring men in their lives – it makes you wonder why we work so hard to change boys and men into the very thing that harms society?
This blog is amazing, confirming the true nature of men, allowing them to be all that they are.
Whilst I have become more and more aware of the similarity between women and men at our core, there are some significant differences. It’s easy to contemplate these as a point of contention and pain between the two sexes. When you look at our history it seems to be that as men we especially have been responsible for a great deal of the war and abuse you see in the world. But if we look just for a moment, as you do Gyl without any of this baggage, we really are beautiful, tender, warm and so very caring. Yes there is more we could openly let out – but perhaps we will when we finally see ourselves free of our pasts with true appreciation and an open heart? If this is the case, embracing Love begins with embracing ourselves.
“Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be.” It is our ideals and beliefs that has shaped men and women to be the way they are in this world, but when we connect to the true essence of each other we connect and feel the deep sensitivity and tenderness that lies within the heart of every man, so beautiful to feel this coming through in our men.
It’s a great point about appreciation of boys and men also, for if we all truly appreciated each other for the qualities we hold we would never try to change or mould children or adults into something else. As human beings we tend to dismiss what’s true and beautiful and then down the line when we see the damage done of not cherishing and preserving what’s beautiful we then realise what we have had. We then might start appreciating, but why wait, why not start with appreciation as our foundation for relationships?
Tenderness is a quality that is innate to all men, and much underrated. The strength of men is imbued with their tenderness, and through that they can be more of who they are in everything they do.
It is so lovely to be with a man when he is open gentle and tender as all the falseness, ideals and beliefs between males and females just is not there, and we are left to just share our beautiful selves.
“When I experience men in this gentle, tender state of being, all hardness and or protection, I may have been carrying, completely drops, and I am left feeling my own exquisite tenderness” In pondering on this blog, I begin to wonder if maybe many women avoid doing this as it makes themselves begin to feel vulnerable and they begin to feel their own exquisite tenderness. The hardness and protection dropping away can feel unnatural for many. Maybe too truly intimate?
Gyl, you have exposed so many of the experiences I have had with men that have narrowed and twisted my understanding of the true that lies within all men. There is a beautiful sensitivity and tenderness that can be experienced in situations that so naturally arises in men that others feel so held in. Thank you so much for this blog reminding us all and honouring the innate truth of what lies within no matter our gender.
Yes, truly surrendering to a man in a relationship and letting in the love that they offer, can be challenging, as there is a tendency to push them away or react and then not read what they are truly offering from the heart. The biggest gift you can give to a man/another, is your true self as anything less, is like a rejection for them.
I was talking to a man recently who is extremely tender and he shared that in the past in relationships women would often get annoyed or reactive when he was tender with them and then reject this. He shared that women can find it difficult to accept when a man truly loves them and treats them well. As a woman, I can totally relate to this and how you really need to love and accept yourself to be able to embrace a man who truly adores you.
Women share the responsibility to appreciate and express appreciation for men when they choose to be with their natural tenderness.
It may seem that the most evil acts are those we commonly know as murder, rape, violence, abuse, terror and many more to name but a few of the multitude that prevail today. But more evil than this is the propagation of ideals and beliefs about us that are simply not true. Such as those about men being tough and hard when they naturally are simply not that. These acts are the ones we do not even realise hold us in a prison away from embracing life.
I couldn’t agree more Joshua, what is also a crime is how some women have shut down towards men and carry the ideals and beliefs that some men are a waste of time – I know I used to hold this belief, and if it was not for having some examples of how tender men can be, and are so by nature, I would have gone to my grave having never experienced how gentle, caring and naturally tender men are underneath all of the protection.
Thank you Joshua, the “evil” acts of murder and rape etc are the end result of an energy, and whilst on the surface an ideal or belief may seem harmless compared to a rape, the ideals and beliefs are actually the foundations from which these brutal acts stem from. Believing that we need to mould boys away from their naturally tender, sensitive and gentle natures into hardness and toughness is a prime example of this.
‘…what if these beliefs and ideals were a lie to keep men from knowing who they truly are and sharing their tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity with the world?… ‘ What a travesty that we have allowed if not blatantly encouraged this shutting down in men. And what a disaster for us women to ourselves aspire to ‘keep up’ with the false male ideals so prolific in our world. We all need to return to our natural tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity – we are more alike than not!
I understand it, but is a travesty upon society that women should distrust men in the first place, and it is a travesty on the state that men have allowed to get themselves to that we talk of the need for men to open up and reveal their caring nature.
Thank you Gyl for the reminder of what the true qualities of a man are, deeply tender and gentle. It’s brings back into perspective that the actions I receive from others that may be aggressive, harsh, sexual etc are not truly who that man is. I feel that pinning these harsh and abusive ways onto men as if they are that only helps to engrain that belief that they are to be that.
It is so beautiful as a woman being met by a loving tender man. For me knowing the Benhayon men has been deeply healing and has taught me the value and beauty in myself. They inspire me in so many ways.
Men are not really hard, rough and tough, but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender. This is what I love about men also Gyl, it’s a truly gorgeous quality that men are just so good at, when left to be themselves. It’s very Beautiful to feel.
I agree Gyl, men are so tender underneath the protective exterior. Every word you have written brings us one step closer to fully appreciating this truth. I met a most tender man today who has lived in protection all his life. His sensitivity is exquisite and yet he lives hardened because of 50 years of believing that his sensitivity is unacceptable to the world, Appreciation of men is vital to break these barriers down and to truly embrace the tenderness of men. Men and women have such an important part in this process.
If we look at men as something that can fulfil our needs, we miss out on the natural and true qualities of who that man really is. Having a picture of what they are to be (and how) is pretty much a straight out rejection of everything that man is.
Thank you Gyl, that is so true: ‘Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be. ‘
Its how we make them to be, or how we have allowed our once young men, and still young men (all ages) – to expect to be. Even if that meant not saying anything. That is why it is so important to have the subject raised and talked by all about it , so that we can turn the tide! Which is needed by us all to choose.
Gyl you break the norm here and share how deeply we can love and appreciate men for their true qualities. I love how you have shared this comes through the tenderness of a hug or the way they talk etc – when traditionally it would have been about how hunky or muscly they were. But this is at the expense of a tough man inside and out. Then men I know today, like you, are gentle and tender and this feels so loving to be around. It shows me that it is possible for men to be open and loving and in this, we get a man’s true expression – which is so beautiful.
When any relationship is built on love first, regardless of gender there is a true connection, that can be built on as a friend, work colleague or lover.
“fact that men are not really hard, rough and tough, but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender.” I agree, when we allow our selves to just feel and watch men in their essence you are able to see the tenderness and gentleness of them. I have been so fortunate to experience that with quite a few men I know including my husband who has an incredible tenderness about him and his gentle touch.
Gorgeous to read, this is deeply confirming the qualities that all men know and desperately crave for to express.
Gyl, this is a beautiful blog, I have found that the hardest looking men are really soft underneath, and I remember the first time I spoke to some bikers in a cafe, in order to pick up my tea I had ordered, I was blown away by how lovely and gentle they were in their manner towards me, when I was anticipating the exact opposite.
It is beautiful to see and feel a man who is truthfully himself. A man who will express himself the way he feels it is precious indeed.
I love the image that goes with this blog. It oozes tenderness and whilst I’m not a man, it makes me feel safe to be tender in this world. I know an increasing number of men who are not holding back their tenderness in the world, and women and men alike love it. Sure it may press some people’s buttons but it seems everyone is craving for men to express their tenderness.
“What I am coming to feel is that under the hard exteriors that many men have built to protect themselves are the most naturally loving and caring men, but they have learned somewhere in life to not show this and hide it away.” I so agree, once you get beneath the tough exterior that many men have been taught to display, they can be as tender as any woman.
‘Without saying anything or having any expectations I can observe, feel and appreciate the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man, even if it’s not what he’s choosing to be at that particular moment, and that all men are as equally tender and gentle as any woman or child can be.’ – brilliantly said. I love what you are presenting here Gyl as it is so true, we all hold the responsibility of how we meet each other, with who they in the essence, regardless of what behaviours are presenting. As underneath it all there is a quality of tenderness that we all crave to be, and be met with.
We are all naturally tender in our essence, but many still choose to live behind walls of protection, and so we do not get to feel their exquisite tenderness. I have been letting go of these supposedly protective walls and allowing my tender and delicate true self to be seen, and so reflecting another way to live. As more and more of us are choosing this so we show the world how much more delicious this is.
Thank you, Gyl, for expressing so tenderly our true essence, tenderness. Feeling honoured in this way is a deep confirmation to endeavour to take down the guards of protection and live expressing from and with tenderness.
Hello Gyl and it’s great to have this all written down, documented for the world to see. This may not yet be the norm but it’s through seeing things like this that turns the tide. What’s more is that what you are saying is obvious, very obvious but yet it’s hidden from the wider view, how can this be you ask? Well it’s like when you walk or drive past the same thing everyday and then one day you notice something different and swear it’s just arrived there and then you find out it’s been there all along and you can’t understand how you missed it. Or like when you watch the same movie a few times you find or see different part or the same for a book when you read it a few times ‘hidden’ parts come into view. It’s very obvious the way we grow boys to men is killing us and we are all responsible. What too harsh? Maybe but come on have a look around you. How many young boys hold that inner young boy into adulthood? Drop the excuses why this isn’t the case and let’s keep looking at how this can all change. The Benhayon men are dissolving this trend, Serge, Michael and Curtis are all in their own way leading how boys naturally grow into men, thank you Gyl very timely.
It really is delightful to stop and deeply appreciate these qualities in men, whether it is your partner, father, friend or colleague. I am currently working in a very male environment, it is a global mining company, so there is a lot of ‘lad’ behaviour, but what have been able to also feel is their incredible gentleness and how wonderfully caring and loyal they are. It has been a great experience to feel and read what is actually going on and appreciating them for who they are.
Women hold a responsibility to be in their sacredness, to be open and treasure themselves so this same quality is reflected out into the world. For the men, they equally have this tenderness and some seem very connected to it. But how are then men supposed to know their preciousness if women are walking around in hardness and protection too? This is not a criticism, just an observation of the power we all hold in reflecting tenderness to each other.
“Observing how tender a man is with a baby or child” The strength, tenderness and wonder of watching a man hold a new born child is truly beautiful.
It is beautiful to read your heartfelt appreciation of men in their tenderness. As you have shared, it is gorgeous to behold and yet sadly uncommon for many are still hiding it behind facades and expected roles… there is no doubt that tenderness is deeply needed in the world and such a blessing for all who experience and are touched by it… reminding us what is possible and how we can be with ourselves and one another.
I have found that over the last few years I have appreciated this so much more about men, the tenderness, the gentleness and the wonderful caring. It is so incredibly wrong that men are told to man up, to toughen up and not to cry and my sense is, the less we expect them to behave in that way the less they will.
Indeed Gyl, when we bring no images or pictures to any meeting or interaction with another person , then there is the possibility for true connection.
Watching men sleep is absolutely gorgeous (and not at all creepy!) because all the adopted hardness and protection melts away. All that is left is the natural vulnerability, tenderness and innocence that is ever present but at times just covered up by activity, behaviours and masks. Women and men are equal, not by our capabilities but by our innate beauty and divinity within, which is evident in the soundly sleeping man.
Growing up, I remember a saying at school that really dismissed the tenderness of the young men – ‘eat some concrete and harden up!’ It was even said to the girls too as we tried to be tougher then the guys and compete with them to prove we were just as strong and able to hide our feelings. But us girls were not as good at it and I feel that was because of our menstrual cycles allowing us to clear what we had taken on that month, so it was difficult to hide.
In the past I did not find it easy to accept help from a man, I needed to be independent and strong. I was very guarded, I had the idea that proving myself was needed to be accepted by men. Now I know how false this was and how I was not able to see men for who they truly are, very sensitive and tender beings just like me.
Being ‘independent and strong’ ensures that we keep others at bay and perpetuates the lie that being independent and strong are desirable qualities. When we yield and allow ourselves to be helped and supported through life then we let others in and reflect a way of living that is true.
To add to your list of qualities, a lot of men I know have a beautiful holding quality. Christoph my husband has this holding quality such that I feel safe and held in his love.
It is interesting because amongst the people I know in many ways I find the men are actually more openly and have a bit less protection than the women. Women often appear to be more open because we talk more and say the apparently right things, but that talk can often be said in a form of protection and even hugs and gestures of openness can be somewhat superficial and again used in protection. At the end of the day we are all super, gorgeous loving beings from the same essence (men or women) and can always connect to that in each other regardless of the barriers some initially present.
Thank you Gyl for seeing through mens defences and appreciating their natural tenderness
I was in a plumbers shop just yesterday and I struck me how the guys behind the counter serving people were poking fun at each other. There was no abrasiveness but instead a childlike, silly, tenderness to it. Some of them were big guys and I saw the hardness in their bodies, but as they made jokes with each other, there would be a moment of connection, a hand on shoulder and a gentle gesture of only joking you know I love you. Each of them felt my presence standing observing this and although serving customers, weighed in on the banter that the guy serving me and I were engaged in, as I joined in the playfulness I was experiencing. I feel now having read this blog, how simple and easily men can return to the true qualities they naturally are, even amidst a very ‘blokey’ environment.
Gyl – for women to look at men in this way will change the whole men vs women stigma that sadly exists. To see everyone as equal – as no different – as the tender, gentle people we all are.
To break down this invisible divide between genders and really unite people. It all starts with how we are with ourselves and with each other.
Gorgeous article Gyl, I love what you are sharing here, ‘all men are as equally tender and gentle as any woman or child can be.’ I have observed this too, I can see this hard exterior that men put on but can feel that they are actually very tender and sweet and the hardness feels so unnatural and put on.
Hello Gyl and it’s great to see appreciation in this way from another person, “Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be.” So your appreciation for someone else and how they are supports you to expand and grow, interesting in a world that tells you the opposite. I support fully what you are saying as this is my experience as well, thank you.
Such a beautiful and important reminder Gyl to appreciate men in their natural tenderness and gentleness. At times I have found it quite exposing when I see a man with these qualities especially if I have been living in a protected way and being quite hard, the reflection of men living these qualities is very powerful and inspiring for women and men equally.
If we allowed men to be all they are and show all the qualities that they naturally are… I wonder if this would then show up were many women are not choosing this for themselves, and there would be no more excuses for women to stay hard and in protection around men. We are all responsible for either keeping men and women separate or confirming that we are all the same.
I am aware for far too long I have not accepted my responsibility as a woman to honour my sacredness as a woman and have lived in drive, motion and hardness this way of living asks men to compete with my hardness. When I honour myself as a woman my expression allowing men the space to express their naturally tender and gentle ways their outer layers of protection and hardness just melt away.
The natural tenderness and gentleness was something I struggled to see and accept in men because I could not accept and connect with my own naturally fragile, delicate tenderness as a woman. The more I connect deeply with myself as a woman the more I appreciate the true qualities of a man.
Let’s face it, we can’t deny it, men are amazing.
Reading some of the comments about football violence – really we could say violence in general, I often talk to men with Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome PTSD, and it is clear that they are not designed to be this way – that this aggression is a poison to them, their bodies and infiltrates everything they do in life. The more we can, as women, encourage men to have these conversations, the more we will question what has been taken as normal.
What a beautiful ode to men! It has been a delight to read today and I will honour what you have shared in all my interactions, this has to become our normal as it offers such a celebration of what each person brings to our world. From that space there will be no room for hate or war.
A great Ode to men that would be a great gift to parents welcoming a tender little man into this world.
Thank you Richard. I appreciate what you have shared, though I feel we are all artists in our own right no matter what we do, art cannot be defined or reduced to one who studies the so called arts, for there is an art to cooking, an art to surgery, the art of engineering, of farming, or walking, of making perfume, of being a biologist, a chemist, an art to parenting, to dressing, to mathematics, to writing, the art of presenting; there is an art to everything in life; art, science, religion and life are all intertwined, you can’t have one without the other being there.
I actually find the scenes of the behaviour and violence at the world cup deeply saddening, how can we champion something that creates and feeds this? It would be easy to say / blame the fans, but it’s equally the responsibility of everyone involved and watching this. Footballs teams stand up and say no, whilst you choose to behave and treat each other in this way, we are not going to play.
Deeply appreciating men for who they are and what they bring, not aligning to societal stereotypes is a challenge. Namely because we are flooded each and every day through so many mediums as to what and how men should be, how they should act, how they should or shouldn’t feel. If they do show any tenderness, they get called a sissy, to harden up, if they are respectful, they can at times be looked upon as being weak, not standing up for what they need. It is quite awful to feel what has been set up and continues to be set up for men, likewise, for us as women, it is up to us to help to break down these models and molds as to what and how we are ‘supposed to be’.
It is through meeting Serge Benhayon and his sons that I have learned to trust men again and through my connection with them am starting to open up and feel the beauty in all men. Before knowing them I had shut down to men but through them I have come to appreciated the tenderness and beauty in men and now can see and enjoy this in all men.
It’s in the conditioning of men – the values, beliefs, attitudes, pictures, films, peer pressures and schooling – that the devaluation of the true meaning of the words ‘tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity’ in relation to males has occurred. Most men will run a mile to avoid the risk of being labelled with any of these three qualities. Yet society misses out because there is nothing so strong, so virile and powerful than a man in his true essence – an essence which has all these three qualities at its core.
Thank you Gyl, your blog inspires me to appreciate these amazing moments we can experience with each other and to appreciate these beautiful qualities in men and women. To see past the facade and hardness to allow openness, love and appreciation to flow. I love how you appreciate your train trips and seeing people in their tenderness and love. This is so lovely to read, we don’t even have to know someone or even have a conversation with them to deeply appreciate them in the way you’ve described in your blog, this is awe inspiring.
Men all around the world are literally hungry for true communication, intimacy, connection, but the role models that everyone has point them into the direction of clubs and organisations or movements where there is a like a shadow image of true brotherhood, but because the connection within is not there, it can only remain a shadow, and will assuage the hunger that is there.
Gyl I love your homage to men. I love their tenderness too – seeing a man holding a baby gently in his arms melts my heart. But what surprised me most was an occasion when I was sitting at a picnic table where a pair of water birds and their very young chicks were hanging out. Without exception every man who walked by (and they were many) clocked the scene and melted, a smile on their face. And they were all coming from an exercise and physiology class of some sort, so many were quite burly. It was beautiful to feel.
I loved coming back to your blog today Gyl, especially as not long before I had told a man who I know very well, that he is a beautiful and precious man and most certainly not the tough guy that he wants the world to see. There was silence for a moment at his end of the phone and then he laughed, but I could almost sense him taking these words in and registering them; but of course what he does with them is totally in his hands. As for me, I will never stop looking at him with eyes that can see only his gorgeousness.
I used to avoid men and not trust men too, that was how I operated in life. When I met Serge Benhayon, this was the first guy I felt I could really trust. His presence taught me about the essence of men and through trusting him it allowed me to see the beauty in other men.
The beauty in just one man can be a window into the beauty of all men.
What a glorious appreciation of men that is shared here and also confirmation for them of those feelings felt inside but maybe have been unable to allow and show and act on.. We can all choose to reconnect to who and how we really are at any time. Thank you Gyl for an inspiring read.
Thanks Gyl for this tender reminder of what we see everyday when we are open to allow it to be seen. Beautiful tender and loving men whose sensitivity is always there even though it can lay hidden just under the surface protected. Amazing men always there waiting to re-connect to who they are and to express that in all they do. It is true that men and women choose not to live this but we can all bring our awareness to the fact that this tender, precious and loving way is alive and pulsating within us all.
I am often blown away by my partner who looks physically strong yet is so tender and gentle, his deep level of sensitivity is super inspiring. In this sensitivity men and women melt in his company.
This is a beautiful blog, to see and feel what a true man is indeed, and feel how starting to honour this more is supporting me to live a life that can be free of any beliefs of how we should be.
Yes Benkt when both men and women drop beliefs of who they should be and instead honour who they truly are we find a unity and equality that is completely natural, it is only when we have fallen for an ideal and belief that we can then impose on another.
I am continually astounded by the tenderness of the men who I see everyday.
Me too Shami, and beautiful that you share this here. And even though they don’t always show it, just knowing that it is there is enough. From that knowing you can just look at them and see it, regardless of the Berlin wall they put up at time (and so do women by the way…).
It’s texts like these that will help men return to their natural selves eventually. The delicacy of a man is just beneath the surface, he just has to feel that it’s safe to come back out there, perhaps once feeling hurt not being met in what he presented to the world around him.
When the Shields and walls of the men go down there is such loving natural warm presence that we all can be warmed and nurtured by this, both men and women.
When this does happen Chris we all, every single one of us receive such a healing. Men in their natural tenderness is a blessing to us all.
It seems like once the male shield goes down , we are capable of such openness and tenderness, and this is deeply nurturing to all.
It sure is, I have experienced this today when I was singing with a group of women and a group of men and we were singing with and towards each other. It felt so absolutely lovely and for me an experience to feel what it means to truly open up to men and let them in. The men were so loving and tender, you can only melt…
Great comment Katie – I’m guilty of this, holding back in case something is misinterpreted. I’ve learnt over the years that this is very firmly my issue though. The steadier I am, and the less I am carrying around a need or protection, the more open I am with people of either sex.
‘I love what men bring to the world’, a celebration of our differences, our strengths and the fact that there is embodiment of tenderness, in the same was as women bring so much stillness.
It a real game changer when we acknowledge the beauty and tenderness within every human being. Men have especially copped a rough deal but it’s so lovely to see men starting to claim back what is rightfully there. Women have also gotten caught up and gone into overdrive and hardness to compete with men and this also isn’t working. When hardness meets hardness a competition automatically develops and no one wins. The more we can appreciate what each sex naturally offers, the more authentic we all become.
I love seeing the natural tenderness and gentleness in men. I recently was showing a father how to bath their newborn , at work, as a midwife. It was so beautiful to see their whole body change from being hardened to surrendering and allowing their natural tenderness and gentleness come out. Babies are great teachers of love, and remind us to connect to our natural essence.
Such a great example of how returning to that gentle way is just a breath away.
“Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be” I can see how the world does not allow a man to stay in his gentleness,… we put so many demands, expectations, ideals and beliefs on how a man should be,… strong, the provider, he shouldn’t cry etc that we no longer ask him to honour and connect to his natural innate quality of gentleness and tenderness.
I had a strong belief that men want something from me if I show them my love. I am learning now that this is a big projection as I asked myself: but what do I actually want from them? I do notice that with men, I can still hold back, out of a fear that they will have expectations. But when this comes up, I turn it around and ask myself: what do I still want/need/expect?
That is a great honest thing to put out there showing us that both men and women are equally feeding this imbalance we see in regards to how we avoid expressing true equality which is holding each other in love and nothing else.
Great question Katie. I am developing friendships with men for some time now and this is quite new to me, as I have never had this. I either had relationships or I met a man and then there was this sexual energy getting in the way and allowing it to get in the way, as I was very needy. Now I am learning to be with men, be intimate (not in bed) and share me, my love and just express what I feel to express. This is a wonderful adventure and I love that I am getting the opportunity to learn this, having some wonderful men around me now.
What I have come to realise is how imposing our ideals, beliefs and needs are on one another. If we didn’t impose them on other people in the first place, then we wouldn’t be having these conversations.
The more open I am the more I am seeing the gentleness and tenderness that is lying there, often underneath the surface, of the men I meet. It is very warm and natural and invites me to remain open in my interactions with them and to not react to something that is based on ideals and beliefs. What I have found is that the more this is happening the more I am able to notice the equality of all humans, regardless of whether they are male or female.
I know from myself, the qualities described are all in me, and it is beautiful to feel the support and appreciation of these. As in everyday life they are so often spoken of as not being qualities a man should have, we should be strong and though, while these all feel so unnatural to me. I love being a man and truly sharing all these qualities in my life, and feel again encouraged to keep showing them to the world.
It is a blessing to be with you Benkt. As you have a strong connection with that tenderness inside, you are a role model for me in that. You show me how natural it is to be truly connected with that inner strength of tenderness and to live that accordingly.
I am really blessed to be in a new workplace where there are quite a few men that are just gorgeous. It is no coincidence they are there as it is lovely to be around them. Me being in my presence is key to allow them the space to just be themselves.
A man expressing his tender ways is absolutely gorgeous to see. All we have to do is allow them the space to let them be and not impose or have any expectations of how we would like them to be.
Gyl, this is a beautiful article that appreciates the fact that ‘men are not really hard, rough and tough, but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender’ within. It exposes the illusion that to be strong like a man you need to be indestructible and so the need to fully equip themselves with armour to protect themselves from all attacks and potential rejections from others, when actually the fact is that their true strength is the expression of their innate sensitivity and tenderness that is equal to that of a woman’s.
Thank you Gyl, this was so beautiful to read “the fact that men are not really hard, rough and tough, but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender.”
I have 4 sons and I am observing day by day how the hardness they once lived with, is gradually dissolving, in differing way, with more love and tenderness appearing.
As you share Gyl it is so gorgeous what men bring to the world, observing them in their natural, tender loving ways. Expressing so openly, not holding back on love and a tender embrace and so much more. To feel this in a man just melts me every time.
Oh yes we are Marion… just loving the celebration of what Men can bring here!
Thanks for such a great blog Gyl,
We are all really appreciative as men of the chance to, and moments where we can, express, act and demonstrate where the tender caring nature that we really have inside us. We have been taught to avoid this where ever possible fro such a young age – for some crazy reason – and for us to be appreciated for, and offered the opportunity to present the tender truth of who we are is a much needed and welcomed step forward.
Many thanks.
Dear Simon thank you, what was reflected to me recently is that I as a woman have a responsibility to honour my sacredness and delicateness and live from this space, for when I don’t and go into motion, drive and hardness in my body, I am actually asking men to toughen up, as they try to compete with this, and live from their innate gentleness and sensitivity.
Wow Gyl thats a huge awareness and understanding that we are all responsible – for ourselves and in choosing how we live, as well as for each other in what we reflect and can inspire. More and more I see clearly the roles men are caught in and unwittingly play out in their daily lives, while others expect, condone, or react and thus keep reinforcing such roles.
So true Toni, thank you. I can see more and more the role we as women play in all of this. The more I let go of my hardness, protection and pushing through life, the more I can see how tender men are. It is a true gift for both of us, if we as women give men space to be tender, and to not go into reaction.
“What I am coming to feel is that under the hard exteriors that many men have built to protect themselves are the most naturally loving and caring men, but they have learned somewhere in life to not show this and hide it away.”, I agree so many men have learnt to hide who they truly are, which is naturally loving and caring. I see these beautiful qualities more and more in my husband and other men as they begin to open up and express more
When we see men who have opened up and surrendered to their tenderness we see their true natural way of being. Society is full of men living up to ideals to see a man free from these is truly inspiring.
The more gentle, tender and loving I am with men the more they open up to me, and are not afraid to come more from their essence. Just beautyfull!
I am opening up more and more to men, also learning what it is to have a friendship with men. Very beautiful. To really meet them as my equal and knowing that they are just as tender as I am. And letting go of the belief that they only want something…I have noticed a pattern of mine that when a man shows his tenderness, that I make a joke. I know now that this is my way of dealing with my own discomfort. I am learning to be with that tenderness and learning that from men is an absolute joy.
Gyl – the appreciation pours out of you here!
I can put my hands up and say that in men I would seek attention and attraction in order to be noticed, and all the while it would feel awful in my body.
Now I too am starting to see men for who they are beneath their roles or stereotypes, and when I let them in – wow – they are gentle, beautiful people who just blow me away. It is so honouring to them and me to confirm and see men in this way – not asking them to preform or be someone they are not. But a huge part of this is me allowing this and not having a single ounce of my body expecting any roles from men.
This is so beautiful Gyl. Reading this I’m reminded of my parents friends and the men who were all gentle. We used to gather a lot for barbecues in the bush and get-togethers at each others homes and I always felt safe and protected. They would all have been born in the 1920s and lived through the war and the depression so knew the value of friendship and family, living a very simple life accepting their lot and appreciating what they had. Having said that I can also feel that how they were living wasn’t quite true as I know they were holding back how they truly felt and feeling the impost from society for them to be the “provider”. So in some way men have been just as suppressed as women from being able to express who they truly are and so we all miss out.
Absolutely, we ALL miss out. We all miss out on the true tender beautiful sweet and loving men and women that we naturally are.
‘Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be.’ – this is such a powerful point Gyl highlighting the responsibility we have in being honest and letting go of the expectations we have placed on men as a society. As when we choose connect with men, knowing that they are in essence a gentle-man, whether they realise it or not, we allow them the opportunity to feel this quality for themselves, as we honor who they truly, gorgeously and tenderly are.
Lately I have been observing how tender, sweet, loving and beautiful my father is, especially now when he is not feeling well. He is reflecting his tenderness to me which allows me to open up more and to connect more with the woman I am. This is a fragile process with at times some tears. but it feels as a big healing. I realize how I have never let my father in and it feels absolutely wonderful to do this now, more and more.
I am learning how much our hurts we can carry around with us from childhood and beyond can get in the way of seeing men and women as equals. If we allow the hurts to get in the way it becomes easy to harden and put up a wall and hold back from expressing what we feel, and the loving equality between men and women is lost. One of my biggest lessons for this life is to heal my hurts and stay open to what I am feeling and express this in a full and loving way.
Well said Alison – healing our/my hurts and staying open is a biggie.
It is awesome to witness so many women associated with Universal Medicine appreciating the true essence of men. It feels like being with close family where the love melts away any sexual tension or feeling of needing to be proving of one’s manhood, which is of course just a falseness, because connecting with that essence is all that is needed to express as a man.
As a woman it is really lovely to see and feel men let go of the false pretence of toughness, guards and protection and instead allow themselves to be open, gentle and tender. Not only is it far sexier but it also gives women the permission to be the same which stops this constant crazy game that goes on in the world of I will be tough and protected because you are.
I notice that as well Vicky, I have played that game for a long time but over time I have been really opening up and making the choice to let people in. This also included dealing with my own hurts. I love now to share myself with people. My relationships have changed so much and the more I show myself, the more others shows themselves and these moments are the true gifts of life.
Truly beautiful reminder for us all, it is great to be a gentle and tender man. And being appreciated for that it brings a true equalness when we truly honour that what we truly are.
Not that permission is needed, but as you say Benkt, this is a lovely reminder to just be tender and a confirmation from a huge number of people to just be ourselves and not hide behind the big strong man image that we can so often portray to the world.
Men are truly exquisitely amazing and very sensitive, it is time that we start honoring that.
Incredibly powerful Gyl. It bring us indeed to a fact that we are all equall, yet we have played stupid by pretending that there is a difference between men and women. Yes there is a specific quality to a woman and so to a man, but we are never less sensitive , we have just created behaviour to cover up all those same qualities. Being it ‘though up’ for men and ‘having less power’ for women.. it does not change the fact that we are all love and that we all feel energy. It is stripping away those pains, curtains, traps, ideals&believes and behaviour.. we will then again be able to feel and see that within every person again.
Thank you for sharing your heartfelt appreciation for men Gyl. Recently a lovely man I know gave me a hug that was so tender and true and there was nothing sexual about it just like you describe. Just love and pure joy. A minute or two after this exchange I directed a mean joke at this man and my body went from feeling lovely to feeling awful. When I sat with what I had done I realised that I was having trouble accepting the tenderness that was being shown to me. I have played a part in asking men to deny their tenderness. There is more for me to feel here. I look forward to appreciating men and their tenderness and supporting men to be the sweet and loving beings they so naturally are.
Awesome sharing Leonne, I have been in reaction to men their tenderness as well, and still am, and I have reacted in the same way, by making a mean joke. When men are just being really tender, sweet and joyful, without the sexual energy, I can still go into feeling uncomfortable and trying to keep them at a distance. I have a colleague at work, a man, and we have such a lovely connection. He absolutely adores me and we are very fond of each other and I am really learning to stay present with this, to let him in completely and to not go into reaction.
Isnt it crazy how we find it easier to keep people out instead of letting them in? Maybe easier is the wrong word as it takes more energy holding up the barriers in our body to keep others out. Reflecting on this, this must be something we learn to do growing up because the world is full of hurts .. but in holding the protection up we are just adding to it.
Gyl just in reading your blog did I come to a deeper, more loving connection with a clearer feeling of appreciation for men and their qualities they bring and are. I feel I have had another level of protection lifted, just in the reading … Very powerful thank you!
Its true Gyl I see the natural tenderness in all men more and more now, today I readily find the tender nurturing support from the men around whereas once I looked only to women for this kind of connection. I used to feel a need to pretend to be less tender and sensitive than I truly am around other men, afraid that they would reject me as weak or unmanly. This new awareness of the tenderness in men has come hand in hand with the reawakening of my own true tender and loving nature. A huge thank you to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for inspiring this beautiful unfolding in me.
“I used to feel a need to pretend to be less tender and sensitive than I truly am around other men, afraid that they would reject me as weak or unmanly”. It’s never the person that’s being rejected, it’s their reflection.
When a man is touching my face or my hair with tenderness and care I am completely disarmed, it touches me very deeply. It feels so natural and innocent. We are all the same, tender loving and caring.
I have had the privilege recently of staying with some men who were totally open to their feminine, and the depth of connection that we experienced was profound… sharing and connecting and moving around in such an open and loving field of energy, is an extremely healing experience, and really is living the future now.
Gyl I loved reading your blog about the natural way of men. Only yesterday I met a group of young men all hanging out with their motor bikes and at first i shyed away feeling intimated by the situation having had past experiences where groups of men can feel threatening.
But this was different. I was more open and at ease in my own body. and what i felt was this…
They were so sweet, so unarmed and so lovely, there gentleness was delightful. I walked away from the group with a feeling of love for these young men and in a way a healing from the past.
Men are naturally very tender and when they show this to the world it is truly heart melting 🙂
The more tender and gentle I become with myself the more I can accept the same in men.
Your blog made me think about my father who passed away eight years ago. I can now see how sensitive and tender he was, nothing tough in the way he was with us. I have never appreciated this quality in him until this moment.
Same with my father, though he is here, I can either choose to see him and meet him for what I see on the outside or the tender, sweet, sensitive, man I know he is. So often we focus on what is not about a person rather than the truth of who they really are. For me when I do this I realise it it my own hurts and protection I am meeting them with, what chance do they then have with this, it’s like they are being met by a brick wall.
Thank you Katinka for sharing this. I am just starting to really see and appreciate how tender, sweet, loving and caring my father is.
What a beautiful blog Gyl, I recognise seeing the tenderness and boyishness in grown men even if they themselves are not aware of this quality they carry. Much starts with how I approach men, how open I am, how I put down my guard and allow them to be all they are, tender, beautiful, sensitive and more.
The crazy thing is that amongst men we have felt the need to keep the barriers and protection so as not to feel vulnerable due to the way men have come to relate to each other, but deep down we are all dying to drop the pretence and be ourselves and connect in our natural tender and sensitive way of being – there is strength in our vulnerability.
My son is eight years old and he is also dying for the boys and men around him to drop the pretence and be themselves and connect to their natural tender and sensitive way of being.
The list of observations you have shared are truly beautiful and inspire deep appreciation for the beauty and healing that men embracing and sharing this tenderness can offer us. It is gorgeous to imagine an entire world of men living this way and how reflecting living in honour of their sensitivity like this will lead the way for women to connect to their inner exquisiteness and live that also.
What I am also realising is the power of appreciation. In feeling this tenderness in a man not holding back my feelings but sharing with him how gorgeous it is to feel this tenderness in him allows for a greater expansion of this beautiful expression. It is like I am giving him permission to be more of his true self and he, in turn, appreciates that I am more tender and true and so it goes on.
I absolutely love what you have shared Gly, as you have put into words beautifully describing the observations I have begun making in recent months. Thanks for sharing
It is clear by your superb blog Gyl that the way you are and live allows the tenderness to be seen and expressed by the men in your life. You give permission for men to drop their guard and find themselves by being connected to the love that is in you. It’s so beautifully designed how this works and how the circle completes itself if we don’t stand in the way.
I love what you have written about men. This is my experience also. I have been blessed to know many lovely men in my life and appreciate them more and more each day.
It is an amazing discovery that not only are men and women in essence the same, but that they are so delicate, gentle and tender. Whilst they may have more physical strength, this does not make them invincible, rough or tough. It has completely transformed my perception of and relationship with men as I have connected to my own delicateness and been able to see and receive the delicateness of the men around me.
As a man I’ve noticed that as I accept my tenderness and caring nature more and more, and meet other men from this un-protective and non-competitive way, I am often surprised that even the hardest or aggressive men drop their guard and open up. Thank you Gyl for honouring all men in this way.
It has been a true blessing to learn to see that men are in truth very tender and gentle. I am also deeply appreciating Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and many men in my life for showing me this.
The reality of how the majority of men behave out there in the world, is a stark contrast to what is being described in this blog. The rising domestic abuse and sheer thuggery indicates this point. A footballer in Australia broke his arm recently in an arm wrestle on a tv sports show in Australia. This clearly show the popular image of a ‘man’ being portrayed to people. Yet connecting with men everyday, tradesmen, office workers, executives, the truth is different to the reality. There is a deep tenderness and sensitivity that can be returned to when there is no reason to see another person as adversarial and put up defence and guard or try to portray a tough or ‘in control’ image. Then all the beautiful qualities described in this blog are there to behold in every man. It may take a little time to break through this exterior, but it is surprising how deep the change can be.
The rise of domestic abuse and violence not only seems to be increasing but now happening with young people and teenagers more and more. I have observed, seen and felt the tenderness, openess and true beauty that Gyl has described in men as well, but as you say Simon this is currently far outweighed by how the majority of men live today in a world of competition, struggle and rejection. There is a lot to turn around here and this blog, comments and discussion is making a ripple towards that change.
Gyl as the mother of 5 young men I completely agree with you that men are so naturally tender and gentle yet the world has asked them to be everything but that. It is so beautiful to hold this to be true and for me to be willing to hold them with the same care and love that I hold my daughters in!
Thank you Gyl for your amazing blog. I was immediately more connected to my tenderness. Not quite so long ago I thought I have to be tough to survive in this world and thanks to Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon I found out, that my real strength and my real essence is to be tender – there is no need to be tough and to protect myself.
“But what if these beliefs and ideals were a lie to keep men from knowing who they truly are and sharing their tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity with the world? What would happen if we allowed men to be this way?”
Men would no longer need to compete and compare against themselves re work, how much money they earn,
whether they had sex with a woman or not, need to have a muscular body shape to be accepted etc
Men would become more honest, tender and sensitive. How beautiful would that be.
I have always found that many of my friends feel so at ease with my husband and I appreciate that they are feeling a sense of his tenderness and gentleness. It is so lovely to see and feel this. I have always struggled to connect to the men in their bravado mask. For instance when I come across men that aren’t open and totally there with me in conversations, or when they don’t look me in the eyes when they are talking with me and more often than not during the conversation give me the once over look up and down either before the conversation or during. Since attending courses at Universal medicine I have experienced what many of my friends have experienced when they talk with my husband, which is a man who is totally there with me, holding eye contact with me and truly interested in what I am saying, also sharing themselves, their true selves in the conversation.
Men are beautiful, tender and gentle. They often get caught up in the ideals and beliefs that they have to be strong, tough, muscular, hard. But when we women allow them to feel and connect to the tenderness in them, they soon let their guard down. My husband has always connected to his tenderness, and as I began to notice and appreciate it, I was able to see the true man in him, his gentleness in his voice his touch. There is a beautiful softness when he holds me in his arms
Dear Gyl, what a gorgeous blog to read. And one so rare. What a tribute to men and who they naturally are and not what society has asked them to become. I loved your question – “But what if these beliefs and ideals were a lie to keep men from knowing who they truly are and sharing their tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity with the world? What would happen if we allowed men to be this way?”. Your blog is a great way to start allowing men to be who they naturally are by simply acknowledging it and enjoying it when you are with them.
‘When I experience men in this gentle, tender state of being, all hardness and or protection I may have been carrying completely drops, and I am left feeling my own exquisite tenderness, gentleness and deep care’ – beautifully said Gyl and this reflects the true power that gentle-men are and bless us with when they are connected to and walking in the natural tenderness of who they truly are.
Having experienced some of the ways men share that gentleness with us, I feel and see the absolute tenderness that they have within to share. When boys and men are allowed to be who they truly are I can see the great potential for a much more natural way of expressing and relating together. If we as Parents encouraged our little boys to see that it is OK to be sensitive, and caring, to cry and express hurts, the generations of the future will see a huge difference in the state of the World in connections to wars and competition and relationships in general. Thank you Gyl for such a touching blog.
Thank you for this deeply felt and truly freeing gift, Gyl. While it is fully my responsibility to be and live as the gorgeous man I am, this is made so much easier for me when I am met by women living in the truth of their own self love. When I am offered and embraced in this love, I just melt and allow myself to be the beautiful, yummy and delicate man I always was. I feel recognised and honored by your words, as if I have sat by the well and you have tenderly bathed my tired feet.
I love reading this blog as it is truly expressing what I feel about men too.
Thank you for this wonderful sharing Gyl. There is something very gorgeous about observing a man in his tenderness, it just opens my heart more to me and everyone really. The hard and tough stereotype is way off the truth, a man who is comfortable being in his tenderness surely melts all around him.
At first I thought you were describing how a man could be but very few live this way. But of course all men are naturally tender like you described, we just bury it underneath false behavior we use to not get hurt. Thank you Gyl Rae it is easy to forget all men have a warm and loving nature.
Life is like the centuries that have covered the treasure layer by layer. The invaluable treasure is living the young sweet boy again. So lets excavate :o)
Life is like the centuries that have covered the treasure layer by layer. The invaluable treasure is living the young sweet boy again. So lets excavate it.
Having revisited this blog again, what struck me upon the second reading was how supportive it is for both men and women when they are living and expressing in their essence as a man or a woman. This does not mean that the genders “have their place” and should not stray from them. It is that we offer each other (and ourselves) a deep support when we find what it means to truly be a man and a woman.
I am with you Naren, we are all reflections for one another, which is perhaps the true meaning of support.
Just having read your blog again Gyl, I love this sentence: “Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be.” This is so beautifully expressed and allows a new way of being for all when embraced in full.
So strange how far from the truth the picture our modern society draws of the „ideal man“ is. Beautiful, that more and more men start living against this trend by allowing themselves step by step to feel and live who they truly are.
Gyl a beautiful a well needed blog about the tenderness and boyishness of men, if we but allow them to express these awesome qualities. Time to drop the protective shields and enjoy each other with the same openness as when we were very young children.
What you have expressed here Gyl is so gorgeous; a very loving tribute to men in their gentleness.
Like you I have experienced the true beauty and loveliness of men; it is such a divine gift.
It is a beautiful blog and a gentle reminder to deeply appreciate the grace and loving energy of men.
Dear Gyl, it is indeed so obscure, yet so normal in our society that male/female interactions are laced – so often pre-emptively – with sexual energy. It is really beautiful to feel my equality with men, and to not carry any expectation of what an interaction may hold. Instead, constantly remaining open and allowing love to radiate, as it naturally does, from us both. These are the types of interactions we need to be having – as males or females – as being held in love is all we ever truly ‘need’.
Gyl, this is an awesome blog and love the way you can appreciate the true tender and loving nature of men and see past the shield or fortress that we are all very good at portraying . I know many burly men who melt and allow themselves to drop a lot of their protection in their bodies when they are truly met for who they are. Thank you
Society’s ideals and beliefs of how men are and should be really does seem the opposite of the truth. I too am appreciating the beauty of men and can let my reservations and mistrust of men melt away when I experience their true care, gentleness and respect for women. I realise then that underneath the sometimes tough exteriors, men are so beautifully sensitive like women. There is sweetness, playfulness and other qualities that are not always nurtured and appreciated in them.
Men are incredibly sweet, incredibly sweet indeed.
While I was reading this for a second time, I remembered what it was like to carry a new born child – have you ever seen a man do this. We melt. Its a beautiful moment as all the strength is there in cradling this new life, but there is no defence, no need for protection, and an exquisite tenderness. I know this lives in every man as a natural way of being, and therefore it is possible as a way of living… to be encouraged and developed by us all.
I agree Simon, I melt when I see a man with a child, even older kids.
Great you bring this point Simon. You make me remember this moments in my life when I carried my newborn children. We men do meld indeed, and that is so natural for us men to be like. You give me also a great reminder that I do have this tenderness in me and can show this to everybody I meet and are with, no matter of their age or physical size.
Nico, you are one of the most tender men I know, and you naturally express it so! It is lovely being around you and all your gentleness and sensitivity. You are a role model for all men to express all that they are……
Beautiful blog Gyl. When I meet anyone who is truly being themselves, open and loving, I feel blessed. The expectations from most people about how men should be, hard and without feelings is not supportive or loving of who they naturally are. Male or female, we are all the same, we have feelings and expecting someone to hold back from expressing our feeling is causing more harm than we realise. Expressing our tenderness, gentleness, caring and loving ways is very natural to us all. We should celebrate this, not to try and hide it. Your blog is a celebration and reminding us to appreciate the beauty in us all. Thank you.
Hi Gyl.
Thans for this. Men are actually really in need of support to get back to being they way we naturally are. For us to hear that this is what the world really wants from us is really powerful because for the most part we get told the opposite from a real young age.
Beautiful Blog.
Thank you Simon, you are great example of this.
Gyl, what a beautiful post. My view of men has gone through many phases. First there was my mother, she repeatedly told me ‘Never trust a man’ and for years I didn’t and this affected all my relationships with men. Then there were the romantic novels and films, I began to put men on a pedestal and was never fully myself in their company. Feminism brought its own baggage and male stereotypes: men viewed as the opposition, to compete with, be better than, challenge, or put down. With Universal Medicine all tables were turned upside down. First we began to love ourselves as women and them began to open up to men in new ways, appreciating and accepting them as our loving, beautiful and equal brothers. This has been huge. Seeing, feeling all the men in my life father, brothers, nephews, uncles, friends in their essence is truly a gift. Recently, an older male relative, I previously felt to be distant, did something he’s never done before, as we walked, he reached out and held my hand with such tenderness pure joy because I was able to receive and accept his expression of love.
I have begun to truly love and appreciate men in their tenderness. It blows me away! There is nothing more beautiful than being around a man when he is connected to the tenderness within him.
Great blog Gyl, feeling this tenderness in men is so important for both men and women, it feels like the only way we will truly make a change in the world about the ideal picture of men and women. The more people that live this tenderness and express from here… The more impact it will have. I love seeing all of the comments, it just goes to show that I am not the only one who agrees.
You have captured all that I adore about the three men I live with. I grew up in an all female household so men were these very unusual creatures to me for such a long time. Of course life gave me the opportunity to learn and I had two boys, I cherish them and I have learnt so much about boys and men that I found myself wishing just recently that I would like to have known what I know now as a teenager, as I would have had many more friends that were boys.
Allowing ourselves . as men, to live in this way that Gyl describes, is certainly a departure from what is being touted as ‘the norm’, but within this way of living lies a path of self-awareness and self-care that addresses so many health and mental issues that it is worth considering.
Beautiful article Gyl. When I feel the tenderness in men it allows me to feel the equal tenderness in me as a woman.
When men surrender to their natural tenderness and gentlemen they are (we are) exquisite.
Beautiful expressed Edurdo, the key quality here is surrender…. equally so when a women surrenders to the natural beauty and innocence she already is, the reflection is that of an angel.
I agree Eduardo, seeing men connected to their tenderness is most definitely exquisite, beautiful and powerful.
It is true what you say Gyl that the moment a man stops and expresses from tenderness, he stands to receive a whole bombardment of suggestive comments thrown his way designed to undercut such expression. Being called “gay” is just the tip of the iceberg in this regard – effeminate, wussy, incapable, wet, weak, soft, are all adjectives that come to mind that are used to keep a man in his place and ensure that he sees himself as untouchable and immune to hurt. Of course, suicide statistics reveal the fallacy of such ideals.
I agree Adam, this is only the tip of the iceberg, and often we do not see the deep harm beneath. The statistics for men / boys suicide is huge and greater than that of woman – and growing. The Office for National Statistics figures show 6,233 suicides of over 15-year-olds registered in 2013, 252 more than in 2012, and that male suicide rate is three times that of female rates.
These stats are from England and Wales but I have no doubt the are representative of world over. Further more it has been shared that suicide remains the leading cause of death for men between 20 and 34 in England and Wales.
This is a beautiful article to read Gyl, and equally lovely reading all the comments and the celebration of the true qualities that men bring.
Beautiful Gyl. It is very gorgeous to be in the company of men who have been nurturing their innate tenderness, to feel their openness and willingness to connect on a deeper level and let us see the sweetness that all men naturally have within. I particularly love to watch men being tender with each other which I have experienced with students of Universal Medicine. Serge, Michael and Curtis Benhayon led the way and it is a very very gorgeous way – the true way – I have no doubt.
There is so much to appreciate and allow to be seen and felt by men in their truly tender ways, I feel so blessed that I am now surrounded by men who are loving and tender, like you share Gyl I see them everywhere, not just in those men I know but in lots of beautiful men on trains, at work, at play grounds. We are surrounded! Lucky lucky us.
What I have experienced recently is that when a man reflects back to me tenderness and invites me to go deeper, in other words, invites me for to a deeper level of intimacy, I can go in reaction and for example change the subject or make a joke. Its great to be aware of it and yes, men are so beautifully tender, I am really learning to embrace that in full.
Gyl that is a really wonderful article. I got to truly feel the essence of all men and what was really pivotal for me was how you described appreciating the tenderness and sensitivity in all men regardless of how they are choosing to be at that particular time. I am going to play with that in my own life, thank you.
Agreed Gyl, to feel the tenderness of a man, whether that’s through their touch, their eyes, voice, how they hold themselves, walk, or through gesture, is completely beautiful and melting to experience as a woman. It does tenderise any recipient, whether female or male, to leave two people experiencing great love, without anything sexual or gay being there, and regardless of their partner/marital status. Such freedom to be here. Such is the beauty of a true man. And also a woman in her own tender truth to be accepting of receiving this from a man.
When we get ourselves out of the way and just allow that naturalness to unfold, we can just be with others, as it is our most natural way.
I watched a father and 2 – 3 year old son interacting, whilst waiting in the long queue at the bank. Melted everyone’s heart to see the tenderness, playfulness and absolute sweetness being exchanged. Yes as you express Gyl ” all men are as equally tender and gentle as a woman or child can be”.
I appreciate the tenderness, love and appreciation you bring to the description of all the amazing men in this world.
Beautiful post Gyl, and amazing comments to follow. I am right there with you developing beauty-full friendships with men and women alike, allowing myself to be my natural self with all.
I used to (falsely) believe that most men wanted something sexual from me! As I have let that belief go I am humbled by how false that was and how what men truly want is the same as me…simply to live the love that they are and share that freely with all others.
I had an amazing experience too recently where I had an opportunity to re-imprint with a group of men. I had to drop my husband back at work on this particular day, and we had our youngest (potty training) daughter in the car, who needed to go. My husband asked if I wanted to come in and ‘meet the guys’. Simple question, that brought up so much for me to look at. My husband works as a diesel mechanic, and, as I quickly expressed my prior experiences of groups of trades men together had been ones of being objectified and wolf whistled etc…but, and this was the revealing part, what made me squirm even more was how Would I feel if they did NOT see me in that sexual object kind of way now (after all, I am in my mid thirties ;-))…I shared with my husband all of this and he simply encouraged me to come in and meet them as they are all really lovely.
He was right, and a bridge was expanded both inside of me and externally, because of my opening up and trusting my husband (who is a man after all)…We all had a lovely time and one of the young mechanics took us for a bus ride and even sang ‘the wheels on the bus go round and round…’ To our daughter! How sweet is that?
When I open up to humanity, I am consistently blown away by the absolute Love that lives in All, (Men absolutely included!)
I love your comment Pernilla, it made me laugh as well because I also had this belief that all men just wanted sex. to be honest, this has also been a huge projection, as I was looking for intimacy thinking I could have that through sex. That’s why I have been closing down and not letting men (others then a partner) in. More and more I allow myself to feel how truly tender men are and how wonderful it is to let them in. This is a process, I have to say, but I am absolutely loving the steps I am taking.
These double standards Pernilla that you have shared from your experience have been something I have felt but not expressed. Being a woman revolted by sexual innuendo but yet also holding fear around men not finding her attractive – I feel is a huge complicated issue to explore for many women and is extremely confusing and confounding for men, ensuring they stay in their protection of being rejected and then of course in hardness around women through the mixed signals they can receive. .
Hello Gyl, thank you for this blog. It is great to see what you are now ‘seeing’ in men around you and that you would take the time to appreciate what is truly there. From what I see it is great women like you and many others are opening up to the fact that men aren’t as they may seem. This will continue as more and more men open up to the same point. Men sharing truly how they feel is very powerful, not from a hardness or anger but from their very true nature which contains neither of those.
As you say Ray, the more encouragement we get from Men and Women alike to live this way the better. We are championing a different way to what has been accepted as normal, and is definitely not working… a way that leads to greater equality and greater love out here/there in humanity.
Thank you Gyl for showing the effect we men with our tenderness have been able to express to everyone… but because of what the world required us to be was very different for who we have always been. I have found talking with women and men, what an ice breaker being tender is, it opens up everyone. With women it breaks down some kind of sexual defence barrier. It feels like its safe to talk to me because I hold them only in equalness. I am really love expressing my true self to all I meet, a tender, loving and caring man for all to see and feel.
Very true smatson, I have felt how being met with tenderness from a man allows that protection, that “defense barrier” to be dropped and trust and true connection can then develop in it’s place. What an absolute gift you bring to everyone you meet!
As I deepen my own appreciation and connection to the love and tenderness within me as a man, so too do I realise that that tenderness and love and true strength and wisdom has been everything I have innately wanted to live just never choosing to.
Such a beautiful read Gyl. The truth in your words is deeply felt.. To be seen, met and acknowledged by a woman in this way is truly healing and gives us permission to further return to and be the beautiful, deeply sensitive and tender men we naturally are… Thank you.
I agree Rob it is so confirming to be seen and met by women when in our tenderness and it actually feels very natural. I mean the relationship with women, or men of any age, is very natural when I have chosen to be first connected and tender with myself. It is like meeting someone in their essence from mine and not from a projected way of acting or thinking according to stereotypical roles we take on. Being in those roles, which we take to be normal, actually feels quite unnatural and uncomfortable compared to the more essential connection.
Dropping the guard, and the hardness in our body is such a beautiful experience for a man. As I write this I can feel how society has not accepted men just being tender and expressing their feelings. They always have to do something, or be something for someone, but they are never allowed just to be themselves.
The more I allow myself to feel my own tenderness the more I can feel this equal in men. To get the reflection of this tenderness in men is such an healing for my own hardness I have build to protect myself. As you say Gyl ‘Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be.’ We are all shaped in a way that is against our true nature and I feel blessed to discover our love we innately are together with men and women.
Wow what a blog Gyl I am totally blown away by this and the depth of your understanding.
Gyl, your article touched me. I reflected on all the men in my life and the ones I come across. Of course it is inherent in their quality – their tenderness, gentleness and love – even when they are working in a ‘macho’ role. Our men and their quality are to be embraced and fostered for otherwise they are left confused and shrinking away from the absolute joy they are.
It is so powerful for a man when a woman sees through the tough facade and looks right into the tenderness held in our hearts. It is like being met and not having to hold onto any protection and when this happens consistently, such a deep confidence grows around another way to be, So thank you Serge Benhayon and all contributing to Universal Medicine who are brining the power of love back to relationships.
It has been a joy for me of late to be with men who are allowing themselves to be tender and caring. It is such a delight.
Until I felt my own gentleness, tenderness and sensitivity I know that I did not give men a chance to allow their own sensitivity and natural tenderness to be met. As you expressed so beautifully Gyl “I Love what men bring to the world”. I observe this in my everyday now – such beauty.
I have been deeply inspired by the tenderness of a man this last weekend and to such an extend, that I am making my bed in a completely different way now. With so much more tenderness!
There is something raw and innocent about men, even when their behaviours are off, you don’t need to scratch too far under the surface to feel their tenderness and sensitivity. This is not to condone these behaviours but just to say the hurt that drives this behaviour is not as hidden as it can be in women for example.
Hear hear to every word you have written Gyl. This is the most accurate description of men I have ever read. I am not sure I would have recognised the absolute truth about men as you have written it if I had also not been blessed to hear Serge Benhayon speak about and role model the essence of men over the last few years. I am also blessed by living and being married to a beautiful tender man. I know my husband to be deeply sensitive with a warm loving, heart melting embrace. There is often no place I would rather be than in his arms. I have always felt the beauty, care and tenderness men have but now I am starting to cherish and appreciate it. Considering 50% of people in the world are men what might the world be like if men of all ages were held in our hearts and allowed space to simply be themselves?
It is indeed a true blessing to be in the company of truly gentle men. It just makes me melt and it is gorgeous to feel men and women are actually not so different as I started to believe from what I experienced in the world. Like you Gyl I am letting go of all the layers and ideals I have of what a men is. Thank you for sharing – a joy to read.
It’s only in recent years that I have fully appreciated the gentleness of men – I had always thought men were tough, hard and insensitive by nature. It is very beautiful to hear men express in such a different way to the belief I had. I love your description of how equal men and women are and the relationship you have with men just lovely to read.
It feels as though we have so many ideals and beliefs of ‘how we should be’ and no one tells us that ‘being’ is enough – that it is us without any preconceptions or tainting from the outside. We have, both men and women, who have spent far too long trying to live up to the ideals and beliefs that we are fed from the beginning and not connecting to what we innately know is true – that we are all gentle and tender, men and women alike, and that this can be found within.
Hello Susan, I agree and the more we continue to live to our ‘connection within’ and not give power to the ideals and beliefs of ‘how to’ live or be then things will change. Slowly at first but with more and more there will be more and more.
Super true Gyl, I can understand what you mean. So often I serve customers at work who have the exterior of being rough and ragged. Yet when I meet them they kinda melt and it’s beautiful to get a glimpse of who they are. That really all people want anyway – a chance to be themselves.
Such a joy-filled sharing. Thank you, Gyl. It’s so beautiful to be met for who we truly are, and equally, to appreciate another for who they truly are.
There is certainly a profound amount of healing in a man just being his natural self, for other men as well as women. I have seen this first hand and the more we allow ourselves to be touched deeply within by them being themselves, the more profound the healing.
What an amazingly beautiful sharing and celebration of men and how they truly are, Gyl. You have captured their essence in all it’s stupendous glory….this is a read I will be coming back to time and again and a marker for every gentle-man I connect with.
Thank you Gyl for seeing me as I truly am. There will come a day when all men let go of the ideals and beliefs that have enshrouded them and buried their true expression. We will all be blessed by the true gentle-man that resides within all men and once again have brotherhood with all in this plane of life.
Yes, how amazing that will be Andrew I agree, and I can feel my part in all of that as the woman, to be as natural as I can around men so that they too can feel to just let go and do likewise.
This blog does call us women to account in the sense that we have an opportunity to look at how we as women may have pigeon holed men and have not always seen them as the tender and sensitive men they really are inside. In my role as a nurse I certainly get to see the true sensitivity of men both as colleagues and patients.
I totally agree with you here Elizabeth. Only recently I met with a male friend for a meal and I had been noticing how I held expectations around him and what I needed from him during our past conversations. This time as I was listening to him speaking to me, I felt into my body and could feel a tension of holding onto something, so I just let go and in that moment, felt the truth of him in his amazingness. It was like I felt the little boy inside and I just held him in that knowingness and my whole chest just opened up and let him in. I smiled at him and he said to me, ‘what’s up”, and I said, “I’m just feeling how amazing you feel inside”, and his whole face changed, and he said, “thank-you”.
It is interesting to consider that at what point does the tender boy become the protected man, unwilling to show his delicate side perhaps from years of it being rejected. I would love for every man to know that he is safe and can just be himself.
Thank you Gyl for celebrating the truth of men. I am blessed that I see how tender men truly are everyday in my work as a dentist.
In that chair any attempt at bravado falls away. The vulnerability comes out and I am so deeply respectful of that in the way I am with them.
Men are tender, they are warm. That is enough, they do not need to be anything else other than the beautiful people they are.
For me it was not until witnessing the way Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon are with themselves and the world that I was reminded of the tenderness I so cherish in men, recalling my first encounter of it in my younger brother when we were kids. The warmth and strength in their innate quality as gentle-men is something I can no longer live without.
Loved your description of true men in their essence Gyl. They are indeed naturally gentle, tender, loving, and caring. It’s so beautiful to feel these qualities from more men, as we/ society change our beliefs on how they should behave and be. Thanks to Serge , Michael and Curtis Benhayon – we have true role models.
As I read your blog Gyl I was aware that I was feeling quite resistant… I could feel that my own expectations of how I want and need men to be, for me, prevents me from truly being able to connect to their essence and being able to feel them as the beautiful, tender beings that they are. There have been times when I’ve dropped all expectation and just felt men as they are, and it is indeed gorgeous. What I’ve felt in reading your blog has really given me a clear marker of how it can be for men – when women need/want/expect from them… they are not fully seen for who they are and then harden up to protect themselves from this hurt.
I agree Brooke! The expectations we as women place on men, and then of course vice versa is so damaging and capping. They then get so little opportunity to truly be their tender and loving selves as we try to mould them into big burly blokes who are tough but also telling them to be gentle and sensitive….so confusing and so unloving. They are naturally strong, sensitive and gentle, just as we are. So much learning for all of us in the area of acceptance and appreciation.
What a great revelation you’ve had here Brooke. Reading your comment has brought to my attention those times where I have willingly played along with those needs and expectations because it allowed me to stay in the hurt instead of showing the fullness of me.
So true Brooke, it is like men react to the expectations being felt from women, and in fact the rejection of who they truly are. You can see this being exactly the same for women so it is a perpetual cycle and a cycle which one or other will have to step out of for any change to take effect.
How beautifully you have expressed your appreciation for men for just being their naturally loving selves, a healing and confirmation for both men and women alike, thank you.
I love your blog Gyl. My perception of men has shifted 180 degrees on witnessing first hand the extraordinary tenderness and gentleness of a number of the men within the Universal Medicine student body. It is an absolute joy to experience all the love that men are and can be, and I have also felt this in the past with many of the men in my life but only in very fleeting glimpses as it was often hidden deep beneath tough exteriors of how men are ‘meant to be’ in this world. Every time I see a photo of a group of men from the student body I absolutely melt and I deeply appreciate what these men bring to the world with their reflections; a truth of the loveliness of all men that simply cannot be denied.
I particularly love what you’ve written Stevie ‘ a truth of the loveliness of all men that simply cannot be denied’, I totally agree, men claiming their love is super powerful and blows so many constructs out the window!
I just melted when I was reading your words on what it was like to be truly touched and kissed by a man with no sexual preference and agenda. How wonderful to feel that the absolutes of love is so tender and so soft and warm. Thank you for sharing your tender experiences Gyl.
Yes, many thanks to Serge, Michael and Curtis Benhayon for living the way of tenderness innate in men, and being a role model for others. They show clearly that tenderness and caring are not the same as wimpiness or unmanliness; quite the opposite! The macho, tough, exterior that men have been trained to put on has always felt to me like armour protecting a tender interior, as you have described Gyl. And thanks for sharing how you have changed the way you are with men – a very timely heads-up for women everywhere.
There is something special, something magical, when one gender expresses love and appreciation for the other gender without any sexual overtones, as you have here Gyl. It feels like true soul connection, rather than a purely temporal one. Thank you for sharing your deep seated appreciation and ‘seeing’ of men.
Gyl, your blog caused me to stop and reflect more deeply on the times when I have seen and experienced the beauty of being around a man where his tenderness was shining brightly through. Sometimes it can be difficult to look beyond the behaviour (regardless of gender) at the time, but your blog reminds me it’s certainly worth the effort! Thank you!
Absolutely gorgeous blog Gyl. I particularly loved this ” that men are not really hard, rough and tough, but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender.” I completely agree men are innately sensitive and tender and I see many of them on a day to day basis coming into my workplace. It may be a short conversation or a warm smile or even just a simple little glance. I can feel it within my interactions with men of all ages it’s just magic.
Gorgeous, Gyl. I could feel myself melting just reading your description of how tender and gentle men can be, and realise that I too can feel these qualities in all men when I choose to connect with it. And just as you have described being able to let go of another layer of your beliefs about who men are when you stop to appreciate them, I feel I have done the same just in reading your blog, thank you.
A great example of the workmen and something I have also observed – no matter how rough they might look on the outside, they are sweet and tender within.
I too have observed the incredible sensitivity and tenderness men have and the power and strength in that. I have also observed how often they can be protective and gentlemanly and I love their strength. I enjoy them being whatever they naturally are just as I do with women without any requirement for them to be a particular way.
So gorgeous to celebrate men this way and how we are all the same in Truth. I particularly connected with your example, Gyl, of seeing their amazingness when taking a photo of the workmen – “…it was like watching a group of beautiful young boys at play”. I experienced something similar this weekend with my Dad. It breaks down the barriers and the hurts to let people in this way.
Gyl , thank you for sharing the reminder and testimony of all the beauty that we men have .
Our strength definitely is in our ‘ Natural tenderness and gentleness ,’as also said by Nico and not in all the walls of protection / hardness that only imprison and isolate us.
Natural tenderness and gentleness. The appreciation for this quality you express in this blog, I feel, is so important for men to have as a reflection. Since as you mention in your blog, we men have never ever before been told that this is our strength and true essence, instead, we are told to ‘man-up’, be tough and to wipe our tears away.
You are so right Nico, to have this reflection for men that it is our innate quality to be tender and gentle and that this is a strength. We are all sold a lie, including women that we have to toughen up, but for men to show their sensitive side is even more barred. To be held in the presence of men who do not hold back their natural expression of tenderness is melting and exquisite. It is even more joyful to see men being tender in expression to other men. What if all boys learnt early on that not only was this an acceptable form of communication but the accepted norm? How would all our interactions and interrelations play out?
Very true Nico, we have a collective responsibility to be aware of the words we use and how harming they can be.
It is so lovely to be reminded of the sweet, tender and sensitive nature of men. Thank you Gyl.
This is such a unique blog Gyl, really valuing and in fact even just noticing how lovely it is to see and be around a tender man. “…being in the presence of a true gentle-man is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world” – yes it is.
I think I have undervalued men because I didn’t like being around them when they were doing their mock toughness act. I found being around men when they were ‘performing’ quite yuck, as a result, when I was pregnant I wanted a girl because I didn’t want to have to deal with the roughness that I had only ever associated boys and men with. Opening up to people, men included, has meant I can now actually see past the act that many men put on, and see a gentleness that is beneath the tough exterior. And I like being around to see that now.
Your appreciation of men is beautiful and healing for both men and women Gyl. Thank you.
Gyl, your words allowed me to feel the exquisite tenderness that men truly are, thank you for a wonderful blog.
Along with all the impositions of society, the media, family and school, I have realised one of the greatest impositions on men has come from me – not seeing or valuing men in the the lovely tenderness that they are. More and more I am feeling this first and seeing the false outer as secondary. The more I feel this, the more I can see the men I am with can allow themselves to feel and value their true qualities.
Thanks for your blog Gyl…being with the tenderness and gentleness of a man is far more attractive than the false bravado that is so often portrayed. And as a woman the more that I allow that tenderness and sweetness within me, the more it inspires others to do the same.
Hi Gyl thank you for this beautiful insight into men, knowing there is a gentle tender being inside all men and all would love to express all they have inside is a great insight and yet it is well protected from view by the fear of rejection of that tender being that is has been walled up behind a fortress. The antidote to this nonsense is tenderness meets tenderness.
Such a BEAUTIFUL blog Gyl. This just melts me – ‘the fact that I love men in their essence, as an equal, as a fellow human being who is exactly the same as me. I love what men bring to the world in a naturally sweet, loving, caring, gentle and tender way, and how the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man is in all men, not just a few.’ as I feel the same. This is such an important message as the more we honour this gorgeousness in men the more it will confirm and allow this part of them to emerge, the true exquisite qualities of love in our gentle-men.
Yes, absolutely. There is nothing quite like the warm tenderness of a man – a quality that is so natural and very needed in our world.
I loved reading your blog Gyl. I like your words here:
“But what if these beliefs and ideals were a lie to keep men from knowing who they truly are and sharing their tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity with the world? What would happen if we allowed men to be this way?”
It definitely is a beautiful thing to be see a man expressing from his tenderness with no concern for those ideals or beliefs that constantly get thrown his way. It’s also a beautiful thing to see a man hug another without the need to shake hands; this makes me feel that men want to honour their tenderness not their strength.
Gyl thank you for sharing this, innately tender and deeply caring men are. We often forget to look for this in a man down the street, often just seeing the hard exterior blown up and pushing through the many needs he has to fulfill. It is amazing to genuinely look at the inner heart of every man and feel that we are the same – it just needs to be let out.
Great portrayal of how we go about our days, what we see is not always what we get! Once we understand and have felt this for ourselves, there is never any need to see anyone in the same light again, but indeed feel their essence first foremost.
Hi Lee
This is so true. Often the first thing we meet in a man is that hardened exterior he feels he has to develop but beneath the façade is the deeply caring sweet person that he truly is.
A mans tenderness is heart melting for aLL.
I am feeling and watching the men in my life finding their true expression and this is a very gorgeous and tender process. I can also feel at times my resistance to this as my own hardness and lack of presence is more exposed.
Thank you Gyl for sharing this – there is much for me to appreciate and reflect on.
That was such a joy to read. I have built up a protection against men and recently I have begun to let that go. Having had the example of true gentle-men in my life I have been able to see the qualities you speak of. I am starting to see that they are in all men, even when there is such a hard exterior. When a man is in his essence and you are presented with a gentle, loving and tender man – I don’t actually have words for it. I no longer want my protection up against men as I don’t want to be missing out on what men truly have to offer.
This one’s a keeper, Gyl. So much here to deeply appreciate and ponder upon….by accepting responsibility for our collective part in de-tenderising the natural man, “I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be.” For haven’t we all in some way or another placed false expectations and ideals upon the males in our lives? I realise how I have shied away from truly opening up to men due to the sexual energy that I expect to get in the way of true intimacy and in doing so, not appreciating his tenderness and natural grace. Thank you for sharing such beautiful observations.
Gyl I have been appreciating this more and more too. I loved your description of taking the photo of the workmen – I can just imagine the cuteness and beauty of it all. I see men all the time who have that exterior of roughness, but in their eyes is such deep beauty and sensitivity, just waiting to be seen and told it is ok to be that way. I have seen this open up simply by looking back at them and knowing that that tenderness is there, and oh so beautiful. This gives the space more and more for each of us to just be more of who we naturally are. I so love men too.
Where did it ever start that a man had to be strong, rough and tough? Having mothered four sons I have seen their gentleness and tenderness from the time they were born and how it is still there now that they are teenagers and young men. It is important that we allow them to continue to express their natural tenderness without the ideals and beliefs that say otherwise.
I have been inspired by many gentle men to embrace my own tenderness.
So true of men and equally of women. When I am not carrying any of my old stories and old hurts about men and am truly open, every man I meet displays this tenderness of being. Truly awesome.
Beautiful blog Gyl and many beautiful comments. I can feel myself open up even more to the beauty and tenderness in men. I love the gradual re-imprinting I am receiving of what a true man is, letting go of my old judgments and beliefs and opening up to the equalness and sensitivity of us all.
It’s truly beautiful to feel that the innate love, tenderness and gentleness we have is equal across genders. It blows apart all the ideals and beliefs (across all societies) we have about boys and girls, men and women. If we just come back to being how we are naturally, we may find were more alike than we realise. I’m not sure why societies need to change people away from who they are, how we are naturally makes so much sense!
So true Melinda, well said. It does blow apart all the ideals and beliefs (across all societies) we have about women and men. That we are all innately love, it is who we naturally are.
Couldn’t agree more, and truly features that are present in all men, no matter their shape, size, age, nationality, race or religion.
What I feel from this the most is that we are all the same.
Turns being ‘a man’ on its head and puts the man up the right way. How we have held a man to be is totally not who he truly is. Men are all worth being held in this way.
Beautiful Gyl, thanks for sharing how lovely and tender men can be when they allow it, and how we can look past any rough exterior and appreciate men for who they truly are.
Gil, I “and the world have shaped how a man should be”. So very true. We compare men with stereotypes we have created. We mould them a certain way and then bemoan their apparent lack of tenderness and vulnerability. Thank you for this lovely blog about men.
Gyl, I felt the tenderness with which you wrote about the gentleness within men. What you wrote took away the layers that not only men but women place upon themselves to cope with life, yet under it all, we (both men and women) all hold love, gentleness and tenderness. I could really connect to what you wrote and feel there is an opportunity to see everyone in this way if we so choose.
Thank you so much for writing this Gyl, it is beautiful. I had not see men as gentle and tender before Universal Medicine, and had feared men most of my life. Reading your words makes me appreciate men even more. A great healing for me reading this blog.
This is a beautiful blog Gyl, great sharing. It is exquisite to feel the natural tenderness and gentleness of men.
Have women fostered the macho image of men as we have not let go of assessing and choosing a man by caveman values of physical strength and bravado to be able to go out and kill a mammoth to feed the family? Having had 3 sons I have been shown so clearly the natural tenderness that is innate in men.
HI Susan, I have the same reaction when a I am with men who are gentle and tender, my body also melts and all I can do is be that back.
So gorgeous Gyl…and so true. Men are so so tender and sweet in their essence…and a woman in her essence, her stillness and her love has the power to melt the hardest of exteriors on any man (or woman). You are a true inspiration for this Gyl. I can feel how men love to be around you because you remind them of who they are. This is so precious.
Thank you Sara
Yes, I agree, men are just as tender, sweet and sensitive as us women and have just learnt as we have to toughen themselves up and not show any of their true selves. Why would society want to not promote and encourage men to be their naturally tender and sweet selves when their whole world is craving for it.
It doesn’t seem to make sense. A love filled world or an empty love-less world, seems like a no brainer to me.
When we can look past what we want or expect from a man we can see their true beauty, their gentleness and loving tender ways. I noticed this in a man who was serving me in a shop the other day. He went our of his way to help me, nothing was a problem and we had a gorgeous chat about life. It was just 2 people sharing a moment and I could feel his natural love and care for people, he was not going out of his way to help me because I was a woman but because he had a natural love for every one, he was a gentle-man in the true sense of the word.
Awesome blog Gyl and I noticed how much we can support men to open up to their tenderness by holding them lovingly and honoring their sensitivity. Very beautiful description!
I love watching the tenderness and love that my husband holds himself in every day. I often observe him as he moves, prepares for the day or talks to me at the end of the day. I learn a lot from him being the gorgeous man that he is and I have also learnt to appreciate these qualities in other men. As equals we have so much to share and be inspired by.
I have really enjoyed reading the blog and many of the comments. It provides us with the possibility that there is a whole more to men than the typical stereo types that we see everyday. Men are so lost in the doing of what they believe it is to be a man that even the notion of being gentle and tender is so foreign its like learning a different language.
It is so beautiful to appreciate the tenderness that is within all men. My involvement with Universal Medicine has awakened this awareness in me and I have been able to find in men the deep caring,loving, tender connection and support that I had previously always looked to find with women and I am so grateful for this.
What a beautiful tribute to men Gyl – deeply inspiring!
Gyl, that was a lovely blog which has opened me up to feel the tenderness in men that I so often miss. While reading I could feel how I have so many hard barriers around men stopping me feeling what is truly inside.
This is a very sweet blog Gyl and I loved reading it. I was amazed at how you have learned to appreciate these true qualities of men. and the loving situations where you can see that men aren’t just tough on the exterior and hard and protective.this is wonderful Gyl. with love, Harry
Thank you Gyl for this truly beautiful blog.
It is so enriching to finally let out all the tenderness and gentleness that I always tried to hide and to let the beautiful and joyful boy inside step into the light again.
What a beautiful comment Michael and Im sure you are inspiring all the men and boys around you.
I feel loved just by reading this beautiful blog. I’m a tradesman and I often come across those ideals and beliefs that I must be tough and hard etc but in truth I have always felt to be tender and gentle. I am on my own path of peeling away those layers of protection of what is not me so that only the beautiful, loving and tender me is there on full show.
Mick this feels gorgeous to read.
It’s so inspiring what you written and that you have nailed it in one.
This comment Mick, is as awesome as the blog. It felt wonderful to read and to feel you owning your loving and tender beauty.
Its so beautiful reading and feeling men express in this way…how often do we hear about men appreciating their loving & tender nature…not that often which is sad. So to all men who have commented on this blog – thank you…it is inspiring and confirming that women & men all want the same thing – to be our loving, natural, tender self.
This is a great blog for me to just sit and feel how gorgeous men really are. I know all your experiences very well and to just meet a man for who they are and not putting roles or titles on each other is so special. It feels to me that the man in the photo is reflecting that tenderness you speak of so naturally.
I agree Ariel, I love looking at this photo, he is tenderness.
I agree Jospeh, what gets me is the years and lifetimes we have spent seeing it as an us and them game, as in men and woman, when in truth we are all the same, equally tender and very loveable beings 🙂
I agree Joseph and Gyl, in truth we are the same tender, sensitive, divine loving beings who love to be together in harmony and miss that and in that way their essence if they leave who they truly are.
It’s amazing to feel this love and appreciation Gyl. Not only in what you have written, but in the comments you have shared throughout this chain. It brings me back to Rod’s original comment which is, in the end we are so very much the same – equally tender loving beings. I loved how you described the workmen and your experience in the supermarket. That is something that I can relate to, as I feel for me and many men the hard and tough exterior is really paper-thin and not very hard to see through. I can only echo what you and Joshua have already expressed in that this tender side is all we ever truly want in life. How great to get to appreciate this in men everywhere and let the other stuff drop.
It is so beautiful to hear you express the tenderness that you have felt in all men.
As a teenage boy, it was an excruciating experience trying to become a stereotypical male and fit in at home, at school and in the world. How do I look and act tough, insensitive, strong and un-emotional when I can be shattered by a look, a gesture or a harsh word, and naturally feel to show compassion and caring, not cleverness and hardness.
Thanks to the many examples of amazing truly tender, true gentle-men that I now know through Universal Medicine, I can finally be true to myself – a tender, caring, sensitive man.
So Beautiful Rob.
Gyl, I read your sharing about men a few minutes after having a hug from a very gentle man and could literally feel all you shared right there in my body. This constellation made what I have read even more beautiful and real. I will continue to feel this as a confirmation. Thank you!
What I notice is that the more I drop my guard and show my delicate and sensitive self the more I see that in everyone around me – men included. Having been raised in the era of the ’emancipation’ of women it’s not always easy to not try to out man the men … but it is incredibly rewarding to do so.
I too relate to spending a lot of time trying to out do men Helen, not realising that I was just adding to the element of competition and hardness in my body. To come more from may natural essence of stillness as a woman just takes away all the effort and need for protection.
That’s been my experience too Helen after spending many, many years trying to compete with men in my quest to prove that women were equal. What a waste of time that was… a moment of tenderness expressed from another has such strength and can melt the hardest of people so that they too can feel that tenderness within themselves.
More and more men are waking up to the fact that being gentle and tender is a real strength as apposed to the false barrier of toughness we put up to protect ourselves from being hurt. Thanks Gyl for opening this subject right up from a woman’s perspective.
What is lovely Gyl is to hear a woman speak about men in the way that you have, with such love and appreciation.
What I have noticed is that women are often quite hard on men and that comes across when they speak about them. It is time for us women to see men as the tender and sensitive beings that they are and to deal with our hurts with them.
Absolutely gorgeous and a reminder to me to truly appreciate the loving and gentle men that I am blessed to have in my life.
Thank you Gyl for showing us the value of the genuine gentle and caring in man for all of us. Despite what society is showing us what a man should look like, man are innately caring and tender beings. It is time to reclaim this in men so men can free themselves from the restrictions in their natural expression. This will be such a relief to men, that they do not have to cover up their natural tenderness with toughness and brave behaviour.
I will always hold this blog and its meaning very preciously with me in every moment, as it is all I have ever wanted; to honour my loving and gentle self.
Gyl, so beautiful what you have shared. I have experienced the tenderness of men, the feel beyond that hard facade, the protections that have become so engrained in their societal behaviours. Kelly, I so agree with you, the more i have been able to feel my own tenderness and acceptance of that, the more i have been able to see that difference around me.
Wow Gyl I could completely feel the tenderness expressed through your words it made me cry. I also noticed that when I myself are more tender with myself, I see the difference in men around me too, its awesome.
We learn to protect ourselves but as you say Gyl underneath this protection of men are the most naturally living and caring men. Dropping down my guard I can feel it in every men and how this opening up is a great joy to experience. Connecting in a true way with each other lightens up the world.
Gyl, this is gold! This part was significant “wipe their tears away, to ‘man-up’, be tough, to not be a sissy or a girl, or stop being gay”.
I’ve always been a bit gay, in the sense of the definition of what the word means not what the modern world has labelled. My son at school from the age of 11 was using a putdown of “dont be so gay” reinforcing the hardness and removal of connection that takes place at school – gentle-(wo)men, gaiety, tears, feeling vulnerable, sharing joy and compassion. It is universal and clearly we are all the same. Thank you this blog is very affirming
Dear Andrew I completely agree, there is no us and them, “clearly we are all the same”.
I live with a man who shares his tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity with me and the world and I cannot but melt when I am with him, I surrender to more of myself which in turn has him melt even further into his tender way of being. So to imagine all of us living like this I see a world that is nothing like how it is at the present time.
As I allow myself to feel my own tenderness, care and vulnerability as a man,
I notice it more and more in all men. Even the most rugged, tough workmen, I can see the love and care in what they do, and the unspoken care for each other.
I have always been very connected to my tender, feminine part of me, and as I understand that all men are this, it allows me to be more naturally myself around other men and not have to play the role of being tough and macho.
I experience in our encounters that we slowly start dropping our guard and protections, and have some lovely meetings.
Thank you Gyl for your beautiful blog. When I am not contracted from putting men into their categories based on my past hurts, I too have felt the amazingness of men, that they truly are beautiful, tender and caring people.
What a great reminder as women that when we let go of our hardness and protection we get to feel and witness the tenderness and deeply caring nature of men.
When I see men with little children, it strikes me how their innate tenderness can come out. So beautifully innocent. As adult men and women we miss each other in this innocence. We long to be able to be playful and melt in the joy of being together like that. And when we have it, it is so so painful if we let it slip away again. And so so beautiful if we reconnect to that place of tenderness and innocence.
I like this sentence “Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be.” The thing you say about letting go of another layer of how a man should be is great, if everyone will accept men as they truly are. Then there will be a lot more men that are connected to their inner stillness and tenderness.
Beautiful Benkt, surrendering.
Thank you Benkt for sharing your tenderness with me.
It’s actually a healing session to read your blog as a man who went through the hardening process during school-time. This is a deeply healing confirmation for my body, Gyl, thank you.
You know what, I really love men 🙂
This is so gorgeous to read Gyl, it’s a great reminder for me that ‘all men are as equally tender and gentle as any woman or child can be.’ And I can feel how in the past I have bought into the belief that men should be the providers, the strong one’s and that I thought they were less sensitive than women, your article exposes how this is not true and that it is just an idea and imposition that society has put onto men.
Well said Rebecca and know that you are not alone Rebecca. Most of us both men and women ‘have bought into the belief that men should be the providers the strong ones’ – an unfair expectation on a being who is equally as gentle, sensitive and tender as any woman.
Thanks for sharing this Gyl, I agree it is lovely to feel the natural tenderness in a man. The more I allow myself to be in my tenderness the more I am aware of this in men, and women.
Yes it gives them permission to be who they truly are.
Vicky it so does, and then all the pressure is off and the game is up & we all get to be divine!
Dear Michelle, I absolutely know where you are coming from, I too had the most beautiful and deeply loving platonic relationship when I was with a boy at high school whom I deeply cherished and loved, and feeling back to this I so loved our friendship, there was not one ounce of sexual energy attached to it, just two friends who cared about and loved hanging out and having fun with one another. But as I grew up it also saddens me to feel how this changes, that society has been set up to not allow us to simply just be friends with men, it always has to be loaded, either with something sexual going on, jealousy or other people’s comments, but it doesn’t have to be this way. I am re-learning that I can feel love and deep care for a man, want to spend time with him, hang out, have fun and appreciate his deeply caring and tender ways without the need for anything else or any sexual energy at play. It’s just so natural for people to connect and be together no matter what gender they are.
Your point about it being so natural for people to connect and be together no matter what gender they are is something for us to hold dear Gyl. It seems that we have made this natural and loving way of connecting very complicated.
We need to connect to the equality and equalness between men and women first – to see a man as essentially the same Divine being as a woman, but simply inhabiting different biologically-gendered bodies – before we can then fully appreciate and enjoy the divine qualities that the true man, and the true woman, respectively bring.
It is lovely to feel and honour just how equal we all are.
So true, so when we connect to that equality how amazing it feels.
As I read this blog again I have found myself pondering my son’s journey in life. He has a father and mother who are learning to express in a tender and gentle way and who support his expression. My son is a true inspiration to his parents. I have found myself healing so many old assumptions about men and males in general through observing him growing into who he feels to be rather than what society tells him to be. My son is gloriously tender, gentle and sensitive and holds a deep power through being open and not ashamed of sharing all that he is and the love that he brings. I appreciate men so much more than I did in the past. I have become able to feel the tenderness that lies within and honour it and it feels healing for all to do so. Thank you Gyl.
Samantha thank you for this beautiful sharing, I can feel how sweet, tender and lovely your son is and how many stereo types he is breaking with this.
What lovely role models you are for your son with parents who are learning to express in a tender and gentle way that will support his expression. And I can feel how powerful it is when a child remains open and does not hide or hold back all the love that they bring… it is a true blessing for everyone. Your son will offer a powerful reflection for all others, children as well as adults. Thank you Samatha for sharing.
Absolutely gorgeous Mike, so true, thank you for sharing and thank you to Universal Medicine too for reflecting to us all there is another way, one that is so innately true for us, throughout all our lives.
I always thought that it was not the manly thing to do, for two men to hug one another, only women did that.
Universal Medicine showed me otherwise. There was nothing wrong with two men hugging one another, and showing their tenderness and gentleness to all people.
Mike seeing two men hugging is truly beautiful to observe it really does show their tenderness and what a gift for humanity to witness that.
As I grew up with each year at school I would never have considered that “all men are as equally tender and gentle as any woman or child can be” yet I also now know that to be true.
Absolutely David and it is something so lovely to feel, honour and appreciate.
Thanks Gyl – I love your introductory comment “I have begun to truly love men, but not in the sense of being a crazed, man-eating woman” – made me laugh out loud, but interesting as that is what can often be associated with ‘loving’ the opposite sex – wanting to sleep with them.
It’s true Jess, there comes a time or age in society where it’s suddenly not okay to just be friends with a man, all these comments get made that there must be something else going on, which in my experience can put people off being open to deeply loving friendships because they feel it is not the ‘norm’, but it is. Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon have shown me there is another way, and one that I so deeply connected to and cherished as a child, and that is, we are all the same and I can be and have deeply loving and amazing friendships with anyone, no matter their gender.
Yes Gyl and Jess, it is such an enormous belief that is imposed upon us. And I have been caught by it for a long time, and now when starting to be true friends with women again I can feel how beautiful this is, to open up without any agenda to seduce someone to be in an intimate relationship. It blocked my connection with myself and women for a long time.
Hi Gyl, As I was reading this blog the tenderness with which it is expressed allowed me to connect with the tenderness within me. It also allowed me to reflect on the moments where I have truly connected with the tenderness in men and just stop and feel that. Truly beautiful reflection thank you.
Thank you Judy
What a blessing you got there Carmel! What you share is very powerful and a good example of how we can change and grow when we’re open to it as old ways of thinking can bias and disrupt an otherwise possibility to grow and develop.
I used to have an issue with teenage boys in groups – I would always judge them as being unsafe to be around and then, one night, in a car park, one of a gang came up to me at my car and I was afraid, but he came up to let me know I’d left my lights on, my battery might be flat and offered to help push start it – I was astonished, it so completely reversed the original judgement I’d made about them. It has made me realise how easy it is to judge people by the collective image we have of them and to understand that, no matter what they do, deep down they are all tender, sensitive beings, just like me. This is an inspiring article, thank you Gyl.
I used to feel the same way Carmel when I was a girl and young woman about boys in groups. I would always feel threatened and unsafe, but your example highlights to me my own judgements about boys and men in social groups. I also know that all men are equally as tender and sensitive as I am.
Thanks Carmel. What a great example of the harm our judgements and preconceived ideas can bring to a situation and close us off from expressing and receiving the love that is otherwise present. This further supports what Gyl and so many commenters have expressed, the tenderness and the sensitive nature of all men. It is gorgeous turning around that guarded behaviour I had, and recognise how tender and sensitive every man truly is.
Awesome Carmel, isn’t it amazing how we can often assume and judge, rather than take the time to meet people for who they really are.
Such a gorgeous blog Gyl. I love all of the comments shared. I have over the last year really allowed myself to feel this exquisite tenderness of men. I have been blessed to meet men who are open to growing and expressing this with no sexual undertones what so ever. It has been deeply touching and healing to feel . It has allowed me to step by step let down the barriers that I have built up. It’s been a very beautiful experience. The more I connect to my tenderness and delicateness the more I see this reflected in all people men and women.
Thank you Monica. I definitely agree it’s about taking the pressure off ourselves and men to be a certain way, and just allowing our natural sweet, tender, delicate and playfulness essence out.
It is up there with the most significant moments in my life having a session with an Esoteric Practitioner and them moving my hair off my face while I was having a Esoteric Massage session, to feel such tenderness and quality of love was a completely new experience for me and now I can see that this quality is indeed in all of us.
Hi Vanessa, it is amazing to be met by such tenderness from a man with such deep care and absolute integrity.
I just felt to share this morning whilst in my local supermarket, the same place at the lovely and delicate checkout worker, that I connected with a man as I was coming in. This was someone I knew by sit, and if I am honest have always judged because of past behaviour, looks and reputation, and today in my fragility and tenderness I just felt to open up. It wasn’t anything big, just a giggle that I had my pj bottoms on, which lead to him sharing a story about his son and family, and wearing a onesie outside. As I walked away this is when I realised wow I actually underneath all this he is a naturally sweet and delicate man, but I had held onto all this stuff and judged him, until now that is, and not allowed myself to feel and connect to this natural tenderness, and the fact that he is just the same as all of us. When I left I saw him again, and I can say for myself my wave naturally came from a place of openness and love. I know that our relationship has changed and if or when I meet him again, I will meet him for who he is, in that very moment, not all the ideas in my head, preconceived notions, old stories I’ve heard and beliefs that are not truly him.
Lovely Gyl, I am looking forward to hearing how this unfolds on subsequent meetings.
How lovely is it Gyl, to see men in their tender, gentle way. I know I let my guard down too, when I am around them.
It is so amazing to know men who live gently without feeling a need to harden or toughen up to get by. To me they are no less of a man. They are just more attentive of themselves and others. There is strength in tenderness.
I used to often look at young boys and see the tenderness and delicateness in them and think how strange it was that with age all of this would change so drastically – I considered it a normal thing that tender boys turned to hardened men, that it was to be expected like the dropped tone in the voice and extra facial hair. Yet sometimes I did glimpse that tenderness and delicateness in a grown man and I loved it.
How gorgeous is it that I now know that way of being is actually the natural expression for men. It is a bit tough for a man to express in this way because of the old ideals and beliefs that come at him from all angles, but I can make sure he doesn’t get that pressure from me, I can honour and celebrate that tenderness when I interact with him. I can make sure he has my support to be who he truly is.
It’s interesting that many of us would most likely, in the first instance, not put ‘tenderness’ on our list of qualities of a man. I know I’d never have associated this quality with men and yet I most certainly can say that it is a quality that I see in men more and more and one that is so natural and so valuable. With tenderness being reflected to and from each other it becomes an increasingly normal way to be with one another, as you say Gyl whether it’s in a hug, conversation or an email.
A very inspiring blog Gyl – and also inspiring reading all the comments.
I love men bringing out their innate tenderness, a joy to behold and an experience beyond measure as this reflection brings a deeper level of connection with women, without any ulterior motive behind it.
Any of my own uncertainly, wariness and hardess melts away with these interactions with tender and beautiful men which is constantly supporting me to feel this quality in all men, however ‘tough or gruff’ they may appear to be.
Thank you Stephanie, and yes the comments are so inspiring too, I love peoples openness and willingness to share.
I have experienced this connection with a few men that really are tender, gentle and caring and it is an absolute joy to be around. When I look around and experience life and the way most men encounter life it most definitely is with a tough, hard and needing to be successful approach. This absolute stark opposite of their natural way of being is seriously damaging for all men and women.
It is generations after generations that have encouraged and guided men to be distant and remote from these special qualities that are so very much needed. I can see how I as a woman have taken on these traits to ‘survive’ in this world, because this is what you have to do! Well this world is not a shining example of Joy and Harmony and we need to let go of our protection, hardness and be open with each other, connecting with our inner beings. Lets break this cycle of generation devastation.
I am all for that Natalie,
It is lovely to read such a confirmation of who I truly am, who we truly are as men from a woman. And I have witnessed it many times in my life that when I honour my tenderness and allow that to show that women and other men often drop their guard and become more open and tender too.
Absolutely Andrew,
I agree and well said Andrew. When a man honours their tenderness it is an actual strength that completely disarms everyone around them and allows us all to open up to feeling our own grace and tenderness to a much much deeper level.… I cannot help but wonder if all men lived connected to this tenderness everyday, wars would no longer be a reality.
Hi Gyl, thanks for sharing this, I particularly like seeing men hug one another with tenderness. It makes me melt.
Yes Natalie, me too. I love witnessing men in their tenderness and when they express that with one another I find it a joyful experience.
Me too Golnaz and Natalie, – it makes me stop and feel that moment as well and I have noticed that by witnessing this tender moment, it creates a beautiful warm feeling inside my self as well.
Dear Kev, you are such a blessing to meet, a true gentle man who is full of such tenderness, love and care, and I know everyone can feel that when they meet you,
With the help of other ‘like minded’ men I am slowly but surely getting back to a more natural state of tenderness through being able to express without fear of what people might think or what pigeon hole I will be placed as a man. This has been very liberating as I have always known I was a tender and gentle man but I did a pretty good job of putting up a hard, tough front at times. It was mandatory where I grew up to get into fights and play rugby, both of which I was quite good at. With the knowledge I have now I’d like to think I’ll never have to put up a tough front again. Thanks Gyl for your very confirming blog.
Kevin I love your comment. It is very joyful to read that you have found your way back form those days of mandatory roughness, and that you are finding it easier and easier to express the tenderness that you have always known to be the real you. I also feel great appreciation of that fact of you are choosing to work on this area and to embrace your tenderness. I feel blessed having men like you in my life
I absolutely agree Golnaz
Thank you Kev for being so open and willing to share how you are changing and returning back to the naturally tender man you are, and not only you but other men also – truly beautiful and inspiring, and I have to admit being around men in their tenderness allows me to drop any hardness or guards I may be holding, it’s just exquisite and so gorgeous to be around, plus there feels to be no threat or any other sexual energy in there, which allows for such a deep and equal way of expressing and sharing. I often found if I could feel something other than friendship with men I would feel uncomfortable and shut down, when my natural way is to be so open.
Gyl I can feel the love and true appreciation you have for all men, your writing inspires me to continue to deepen my appreciation for men and their wonder-full qualities. Thank you.
Yep Karin I do – thank you, sometimes I pretend I don’t, but then I can pass a man on the street, not even see his face and feel so much love for him and his sweet, naturally delicate and tender way.
When I grew up all the things we did as boys and then men was seen as completely natural. In fact I was imbued with a sense of duty to do things and be a certain way. It never occurred to me that we should do anything else but I never felt that I had a hard exterior and never wanted to be that physical aggressive sort that wants to dominate everything. Perhaps it was because outside of school I spent a lot of time riding and in the company of girls so never felt the need to prove anything except for my family. BUT strangely enough I was incredibly competitive and what happened was that I created a distance between me and everyone else, because I didn’t want to get hurt. Now I realise that what I was burying and how I acted was little different from the open aggression that men are supposed to exhibit. Time for men to realise how beautiful and tender they are and show this openly.
Michael thank you so much for your lovely sharing – and your willingness to open up to letting go of and healing past hurt. Isn’t amazing all the things we do to protect ourselves from getting hurt, when really we are just creating more and more layers to cover up our natural innate loving and tender way.
I felt a deep appreciation for the tenderness and gentleness in men though reading this blog. I have felt this out in the world looking into their eyes and looking past the bravado and armour that is created to protect themselves. And I am learning to be open and gentle when I feel this rather than withholding recognition or becoming hard because of my own past hurts and protection. Men can be tender, strong and beautiful in true equality with women. It’s the way forward…
Absolutely Samantha, men in their tender strength is most definitely the way ….
I just felt to share more about the lovely young man in the supermarket, I have just seen him again today, and as we spoke what became apparent was the hurt he holds for people not meeting him for the tender, sweet, delicate and sensitive man he is – he absolutely feels this. But we also spoke of the fact that he is who he is, he likes his delicateness and he’s not going to change that – how awesome is that – I feel it is so important we share and appreciate the things we feel and notice about another, especially as Rachel says, imagine we nurtured this and embraced this in all boys from a young age – then this would be the norm, men could be free to feel how they truly feel without having to pretend to be any other way, and boy oh boy we woman would be absolutely amazed. Imagine being held in honour of who we truly are by a man in his tender strength, gentle power and true grace.
That’s very awesome.
I recently worked with a guy in his 50’s who was a real bloke’s bloke. At the start I felt a bit hurt by his consistent sarcasm and quips, but one day I said to him, “You use all that sarcasm but I can see the sweet man that you are underneath it all.” It stopped him in his tracks and completely disarmed him. We have a choice how to react to the men in our lives. He was really lovely to work with in the end – nothing mushy – just real and present.
Awesome Jinya – it’s true, we all use ways to hide our tender, caring, sweet and sensitive true self. I love what you say about working together and being real and present.
That’s really lovely Jinya. It just shows that when we are honest and meet men and women in the tenderness that they are their guard drops and they are able to show their softer side.
This feels so lovely, thanks for the deep honest sharings here with this blog.
Awesome Jinya, it is very powerful when we meet another without judgement of how they choose to express but with the willingness to understand where they are coming from, this allows them to surrender and embrace more who they truly are.
Jinya that is really amazing what you said to him and wow what a blessing. It is possible never in his life (as an adult) has anyone seen the true sweetness he is AND said this to him …especially coming from another man. I bet you did more that day than you ever realised! ? Also it shows when we dont hold back what we express to another can be very healing.
Sometimes we all need a gentle reminder that our behaviour is not that respectful of another… and when we are told this lovingly it can totally recalibrate us and we have an opportunity to begin again.
This is so beautiful to read. Thank you Gyl for giving us the sequel of your interaction with this lovely young man in the supermarket. There must be a great number of boys and men out there deeply hurt by people not meeting them for the tender, sweet, delicate and sensitive men they are. In reading that I felt the importance of the communicating, sharing and appreciating. And how healing and honouring that will be for all of us men and women.
Absolutely Golnaz, I had a conversation with a very sweet, tender and caring man today about his sensitivity – to which he did not want to feel. He related being sensitive to being a wimp – how many of us and our children are growing up feeling this way – it is so important we express how we feel, be it with a man, a woman, our self or a child. And truly honour and appreciate all our sensitivity, tender, gentle and delicate ways.
What a blessing Gyl.
This is the the kind of connection I have missed. To have a simple conversation, or hug with a woman without the sexual tension. I have that now because I have chosen to connect to myself in the same way, [ no expectations]. Your blog brought up feelings of gratitude and appreciation. Thank you
Dear Ken that is truly beautiful, as are you – Thank you
I too have missed that connection, where I can hug, be close with a man without any sexual tension, simply as truly deeply loving friends. I remember one dear friend in my teenage years I had at school who was a boy, and just the amazing friendship and fun we had, and there was nothing sexual in it at all – I have missed that and it is only now looking back at that moment I can truly appreciate what an amazing connection we had. Though this has and is changing with thanks and love to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and all the beautiful and tender men I have met and allow myself to meet.
I can also share with you Ken and Gyl that to have a simple conversation or hug with a man without sexual tension is something I have missed too. To be able to be open with men and share tenderness and love with them with no agenda is something I have recently begun to experience. It truly feels lovely and there is such a sweetness in the connection.
Gyl, That feels like another beautiful interaction! Fantastic that he claimed his delicacy in himself, but just imagine if we gave permission and appreciation for all our boys to be this way, wouldn’t everything change?… women would have to let go of competing against men because there would be nothing to fight against.
Rachel I so love your expression! It was an amazing and beauty-full interaction and I had another one this morning sharing and appreciating with a man, how sweet and lovely and gentle his work colleagues is.
And yes how how awesome would it be if we allowed and gave boys permission to be who they naturally are and grow up this way. I see so many sweet and tender young boys and young men at school, who feel as if they are torn between two ways to be – their natural, beautiful, sweet and tender way – then how the world wants or tells them to be, hard and tough and pretending nothing hurts.
I am so up for appreciating and allowing the first, all boys and men to be their naturally delicate, sweet and tender way, and yes the whole world would change.
What really got me was the last part of your comment, it’s as if my whole body sighed and released – I could feel the holding and the hardness and the fight we as woman have put up to try and compete against men. Imagine if we simply allowed each other to be who we all naturally are, sweet, delicate, tender, precious, divine and amazing – what an amazing and harmonious place the world would be.
What power then as a teacher you have when supporting boys and young men to be themselves! It only takes one comment in the whole of their lives, to bring awareness to the fact that they are not honoured by society to be themselves and that despite the community saying otherwise, it’s ok to be sensitive and tender. If these things are felt it doesn’t make you any less of a man but actually makes you a truer one. And yes… wow, how amazing would it be for both men and women if we gave permission for us to be who we all naturally are, sweet, delicate, tender, precious, divine and amazing.
Rachel what you have written is so very true and beautifully expressed. Every part of my being says Yes please that is the way “permission for everyone to be who we all naturally are, sweet, delicate, tender, precious, divine and amazing.”
I love what you share Rachel, “If these things are felt it doesn’t make you any less of a man but actually makes you a truer one” I absolutely agree.
I just felt to share an amazing appreciation of a beautiful young man I met last night. I was at the local supermarket and went to an empty check out, one with no queue – as I bought a few things I watched, as I’m often drawn to/ aware of how people are and how they use their hands to put food through etc. What was so beautiful and amazing to observe was how this young man picked up and placed my food. There was no quick rush and pushing it through the scanner, each item of food was picked up gently and delicately with his fingertips by both hands, slowly put through, and placed down with absolute care in the same way. What was beautiful to watch was that he did this with all my items not one more than another, whether it was an item that may bruise or a bottle of water – each was touched, lifted and placed with such care.
I appreciated it so much that I felt to share it with him, how it had made me feel, that it was beautiful to watch, how much I appreciated another taking such care with my shopping and how aware he was in the way he moved with his hands. What was even more amazing and beautiful was that he called it, it was him that said “I am delicate” and that’s exactly what it was – he hit the nail on the head, so to speak, what I had observed and appreciated was how beautiful and delicate he was – and the awesome thing was, he absolutely knew it, and appreciated my awareness and appreciation of how delicate and lovely he was too.
Gayle I love the fact that you not only took the moment to truly appreciate this young man and how delicate he was being, but you made a point of expressing what you observed and shared of how you felt with him. How gorgeous would it be if we were open more to noticing the grace that some people are displaying and to express our appreciation. In the face of society not confirming people for who they truly are, how supporting and confirming would it be if we more often did as Gayle has with this young man. I feel inspired.
Awesome sharing Gyl, that is such a great example of how truth lives within us. What I like most about this is that he seems to have figured out this for himself without any prior knowledge, great inspiration young man.
Absolutely Matts, that’s what was truly beautiful – the fact that he knows how delicate, sweet and tender he is.
That’s a beautiful moment. There is a young man who works in a shop near my home who is just like that… so very gentle with taking the items out of the basket and placing them in the bag – as if they were precious objects. I was so touched by this that I expressed to him how much I appreciate how gentle he is. He smiled delicately. Because men are so geared to compete in out-manning each other, it is very rare to meet men in public who are not afraid to be different, well actually be themselves. Because some men can physically impose on others by nature of their physicality, many carry the burden of guilt by gender. I did for sure. Only since I have started to honour my tenderness, have I begun to see/feel/know that that tenderness is the true me and not the rough toughness I tried to be. I can’t imagine being that now… I would laugh at trying!
Jinya this is so beautiful. How amazing that you allowed this moment to confirm the gorgeous tenderness in this other young man – and thus it is now a platform that he can appreciate for himself (if he wasn’t already). It is so true that this is the way men need to communicate, to allow more tenderness to blossom and for all the world to see how beautiful they really are in all their strength and expression as Men.
That’s exactly what they are Monica, magical moments, thank you for the reminder this morning, All I can feel is ‘allowing’
That’s awesome sharing Gyl, beautiful to confirm and appreciate a man for reconnecting to his tender and delicate nature.
Thanks Gyl, another great blog, I love reading your words. I have had the pleasure of having a body work session with Curtis Benhayon and oh my goodness, it was the most tenderness I have felt from a man, or a women come to that! What a fantastic role model indeed! I am lucky enough to be in a relationship with a very tender man, he has scars like us all but he is really bringing out his own gentleness with pride and it is beautiful to be with. On the other hand there are men in my life who are the other end of the spectrum and hiding their gentleness – I find it difficult at times to feel it when they behave in certain unkind ways towards me. I am developing the understanding as to why men have felt the need to hide their true selves to help me not take it personally when these non gentle ways come my way. Your blog is inspiring me on this front so thank you Gyl.
Thank you for this wonderful celebration of men. I find it beautiful that men cannot hide how sweet and tender they are – even the tough ones…
Absolutely Janet it is so beautiful, as you say, that all men, even ‘tough’ men cannot hide their absolute tenderness and sweetness.
So true Janet. I find that I often colour the situation with how I react: I decide I don’t like the way some man is behaving and I harden up in defence and then all I can see is what I had made a judgement about. But since learning that I am the master of my own responses and choices, I have many times spotted when I was doing that, stopped the incessant blaming and judgment, eased off on the protection and hardening ….. and presto as you say there it was: a sweetness and tenderness under all the other stuff that they could not hide and that I could not fail to see!
This is a beautiful article to read. It made me stop and really appreciate men.
Thank you Anna, I too love appreciating all men.
Yes Gyl, those expectations of how someone should be for us, especially men, put hard barriers up in between us. If we can only feel that sweet, tenderness inside others first and open ourselves in the way you describe, then my experience is that they start to respond from that gentle place within themselves. I love your blog, especially now I am meeting so many more gentle men. They are so amazingly good to be with, without any of the threats I used to experience, real or imagined, that my own attitude and fears of truly communicating are completely swept away.
Dear Joan, so very true and this is my experience too, men are so good and gorgeous to be with, I love feeling their natural sweetness, gentleness and tenderness
I love reading this blog Gyl it is such a loving reminder. There is such beauty in men when we allow them to be who they are without expectation and a need.
Thank you Alison, and I absolutely agree with you. Just a few days ago I was lovingly reminded, that often I hold back being all of me with a man, because of my own needs, wanting him to get something, to be a certain way with me, or simply understand how I am feeling and the depths of it, without being willing to open up and be all of me. It is like I hold him or other men or people for that matter to a ‘needy ransom’ – until you show me all of you or get what I feel – then I am not willing to be all of me with you – how awful and unloving is that. As soon as I realised this and just allowed us both to be who we are, the hardness and need I had been carrying dropped and all I felt was absolute love for him. I could again feel and connect to his natural sweetness, tenderness, joy and gentleness and also my own.
I loved reading your sincerity, Michelle in which I share your words…. “A big thank you to all the gorgeous men in my life, no matter on what scale you play a part. You have enriched my life beyond measure”. There are many magic moments I have experienced from beautiful and tender men who I have had either had relationships with or platonic friendships. One colleague springs to mind as I felt so honoured every time we met in the corridor and I had to pass through a door. He ALWAYS opened the door for me and looked me in the eye as I passed through. Sometimes he would say good morning, sometimes hello and sometimes nothing at all, but he always looked me in the eye and there was real sincerity in his gesture. This action always came from the heart and was genuine each time. Every day it was in the same quality. It didn’t matter if he was having a good day or a bad day, the consistency of the gesture was always there. I deeply appreciated the blessing.
I’m so with you on this one Rachel, it reminds me of the man who fixes my car, he is the most gorgeous and amazing man, with the most incredible blue eyes, who never fails to meet me and look me in the eye, and I do not hold back in sharing with him how incredible his eyes are every time I see him. And as you say Rachel when he meets me and looks me in the eye it’s the most genuine and natural way of being – there is absolutely no trying and every single time in the same genuine quality and expression, he is so sweet and amazing – every time I have to take my car there, I too am met with a such a blessing. Even his son shares this naturally sweet, tender and caring way of being, and also with the most bright and incredible eyes.
Oooh, I can feel your experience through your words… how lovely and divine! Gorgeous!
Absolutely – I love meeting men in this way even if they choose not to feel it, I don’t have to stop or have a conversation with them, it may even just be a beaming huge and open smile as I pass them in the street or supermarket. Even when I sit and connect with men, who may not be feeling their natural tender, sweet and gentle essence at that time, when I choose to not react, simply just be and feel this in them, I can feel how much love I feel for them and all that they share is not who they really are, that it may come from a hurt, or something outside of them that is affecting them.
Today, just knowing that it is my choice to meet every man in the tenderness and sweetness that they are, is a blessing.
I agree
Absolutely gorgeous Michelle, so true, thank you
Just to read/hear/feel your words is a blessing. Often it is assumed that it is the man who is the “seeker of sex.” But it works both ways. I know this from life. And I know this from reading your blog. Because to feel true appreciation and expression without any sexual energy attached is a deep blessing for me (and all men). Thank you Gyl. For allowing us to be who we naturally are.
Thank you Otto, a deep blessing for me to read your words, as Susan says, so beautifully expressed. What I love is being allowed to love men for who they really are, allowing myself to be open to them, to not hold back or hide my expression for fear of it being taken in another way, but simply expressing the absolute true love I feel for them with no other agenda or energy in sight. We are ALL naturally that way when we are little, then something changes to make us believe or live up to an ideal, a picture in society’s head, that then becomes ours, that we cannot be truly loving and open equally with all men, and visa versa, that there has to be something more, something sexual in the way, when that’s simply not true, and we can be the closest, dearest and best of friends.
All of my life I have felt ‘deprived’ of men-in-their-truth and much of my life I have said “I miss our men! I know they’re in there, I’ve seen glimpses!” and “How can I reach them, how do we coax them back?” and now, thanks to Universal Medicine, I am seeing more and more of who they truly are as they feel more free to be themselves. I have gained a much deeper understanding of what has happened and how to support them in reclaiming their true and full way of being. I need to be in my fullness as a woman and live with tenderness and gentleness myself for starters! The world welcomes you back in all your beauty and tenderness, amazing, gentle-men! Take courage and break the rigid mold the world has formed for you. We are by your side. We want you back.
Hear, hear Jo! Yes gorgeous men out there, we are by your side and we want you back… it is such a pleasure to feel the gentleness and tenderness of your expression. Being in the company of true, “gentlemen” is a gracious and divine experience. There is full honouring of others when met in this quality. I love being met by men in this way. It is so inspiring to see men who live this and reflect this as a possibility to all men who have toughened up to cope with life. Underneath every man is tender. We have much to teach our young boys as they grow up to appreciate their tenderness and allow the expression of it in life.
So true Jo, we chose to hide our sensitivity and gentleness away, because of how the world reacts, yet we just hurt ourselves by doing this and give permission to a hard and joyless way of living. There is so much that comes from celebrating that essence of tenderness
There were many commonly accepted beliefs about men that I was brought up with. Men are hard and strong; men are ‘only after one thing’ (sex), men are decisive and they know better, but they are not allowed to cry. Then there was the opposite about women – women are weaker, indecisive and always crying. I hated being a woman and wanted to be a man, because I wanted to be strong and decisive. Now I am learning that our strength is in our tenderness, it is a whole new way of being. I now see men who are not afraid of showing their tenderness and they are a joy to be around. It is enabling me to let go of the old belief systems and meet men as they truly are, and to also enjoy being tender with myself, as a woman.
Absolutely Carmel, working in schools I have so often heard adults telling children to “man up, toughen up, you can’t let people see you cry”, in moments where young men and boys are so aware and connected to their natural tenderness and gentleness, yet all around them (nearly) they are being told they cannot be this way. Yet we then complain when men grow up and don’t want to talk, be open, or show their sensitive, deeply tender, loving and caring side, but it is us who have made them this way. It is amazing and such a blessing to feel and see more men who are not afraid of showing their deeply loving, tender and gentle ways, thank goodness for Serge Benhayon, Curtis Benhayon and Michael Benhayon and Universal Medicine for inspiring and showing us all there is another way.
I agree Carmel. To let go of those male stereotypes and allow myself to be the tender man that I am is really such a relief and a joy.
Men have such a beautiful natural presence and they can bring so much to the world. It is truly wonderful when we allow ourselves to feel this and they allow themselves to be all of that. It is amazing that there are now support networks showing men that it is okay to be themselves in all that they do. Thank you.
I second that Jenny!
Yes they do
I fully agree with you Jenny. Support networks like these allow men to reform our foundation of loving and tenderness, that which we have suppressed for years and built walls around. It’s almost like learning to walk again and like small children once they get it… they’re off and there’s no stopping them.
It is such a joy witnessing men drop the hardness and competitiveness, and embrace the natural tenderness and caring nature they have. Witnessing the love and care expanding amongst so many men has allowed me to appreciate how increasingly gorgeous men are as they allow themselves to re-connect to their natural essence.
What a gorgeous blog, Gyl! It is truly beautiful to observe and be in the company of men being tender and gentle, not only with women, but with each other as well. Watching Fathers and sons express in this way together lights me up. I have always felt that it shows much strength of character for a man to keep expressing his natural, tender ways and to not develop a tough exterior to show the world he is a man. I am truly blessed as I know many men who express from their essence. I agree with vicky there are so many ideals, beliefs and consciousnesses to break around this issue. Your blog is a great way to start.
Thank you Rachel, absolutely, it’s so beautiful being in the presence of men being truly tender and open with one another, very beautiful and inspiring to observe and feel. As with fathers and their sons, I know how you feel, I drove past a small boy yesterday with his arms wrapped round his father who was crouched down to meet him, it just felt amazing to see and completely melted my heart.
Yes, I can imagine it would!
Hi Gyl, I found this blog very inspiring to feel the warmth from your words.. And yes, Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon are definitely true role models.
Thank you Tim.
Hi Gyl, I Love your article expressing about man’s true gentleness and tenderness. Today I was looking after kids doing trampolining and a really sweet gentle boy was having his turn on the trampoline and the instructor said to him (who was a woman), you can do it harder than that you are a man!!! It really shocked me and then I thought but this is what is normally said to boys and men to be tough to be strong to be hard .. yuk how wrong are we. It is so beautiful and such a blessing to feel men in their natural tenderness, beauty and gentleness of who they really are. We have so many old ideals, beliefs and conciousnesses to break surrounding this and your article has been a massive start.
Hi David, yes it was a really beautiful moment, – and Yes, Serge Benhayon, Curtis Benhayon and Michael Benhayon most definitely are, as are you all, and all men, when we allow them to naturally just be.
I have greatly enjoyed reading the comments here as they grow daily. Thank you Gyl for opening the conversation and everyone for your comments, it is a lovely reminder and such a joyful one to take into life. I have been noticing at work how when I choose to remember that tenderness is just under the surface for everyone even if they are not expressing it at the time, I myself become more tender in my body instantly and that feels lovely – and at times the other person has reduced their aggressive behaviour as well and has become quite gentle and more at ease all round, and that has felt exquisite.
Absolutely Golnaz, and what a a great reminder from you too, at times it is all too easy to get caught up in the hurt, or harden because of someone else’s choices, when really tenderness is our foundation, and the moment we acknowledge that tenderness or simply just have a little reminder, it allows us to feel how gorgeous and lovely and tender we and our bodies really are, and with that feel this in all others – if we drop our hardness and protection it allows another to let go of theirs.
Thank you Gyl for writing this, it feels very supportive to read and feel the tenderness being allowed out by all the men. I love the part where you asked to take a photo of the workmen and how they came together. In myself I started to relax and be more at ease with myself as reading – without needing to perform. What an amazing inspiration Curtis Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Serge Benhayon are for us all.
I agree David, the Benhayons are a true inspiration for all. And it was so lovely and amazing to observe the change in these workman, and see their naturally sweet tenderness at play. I wasn’t asking anything of them, or to do anything for me, just simply appreciating, connecting and allowing them to be themselves.
Thank you for this beautiful blog. I sometimes forget how tender men are, playful and so sweet. It’s these moments when I forget that I get reflected that I have chosen hardness or that I have an expectation, for example in my own relationship. Letting men (my partner) just truly be for who they are is such a healing, for myself and also for the relationship.
Hi Mariette, I agree, there are times I forget how tender men are. That just makes me smile a huge smile to write and feel that – isn’t it amazing that even by what seems such a simple act of writing and reading it re-connects us to those feelings within.
I loved what you have shared “I get reflected that I have chosen hardness,” I have felt this many times, not only from men. I’m so aware of it in others, then I’m like, wait a minute that’s exactly what I am choosing for me. It’s a great learning, it is way to easy to blame another than take responsibility for how we choose to be!
And this is pure gold, letting people be for who they truly are is such a healing – how often do we set expectations, have pictures in our heads of how we want things or another to be, only to then have them fall short, and then a great way for us to use it as an excuse to not let them in.
“When I see a man in their tenderness I melt,” so do I Susan, it is so beautiful to see and feel, and amazing to allow men to be.
Yihaa, I love what you write Gyl, so true, I sometimes want to blame the other but it is all in me, and for me to take responsibility. And yes, allowing others to be, wow, I can practice with that on a daily basis. (; Soo many expectations and wanting to change the other, and yes, also partners, it feels really important to see that pattern and also to see that I am the one that can change that pattern.
When we lay down the weapons of gender competition and feel the truth of who we are, everything changes. Men are exquisite, gentle, sweet, tender, wise, loving and inspiring. Meeting them, connecting with them and loving them with this knowing changes everything, dissolving the toughness so many of us have adopted to struggle through life.
Yes Matilda we are all the same.
Matilda thank you for your gorgeous expression. The love and cherishing in your words is truly beautiful.
Hear hear, truly spoken. Let tenderness and gentleness prevail for all.
The struggles we choose to adopted Matilda is a great reminder that they are just that choices. When we allow each other to be who we are with no judgement there is no room for struggle just a celebration of men and what deep and tender love they have to offer another.
Gyl – I really truly love this blog. I completely agree – feeling a man’s true tenderness is gorgeous, men are deeply beautiful and we as a planet have asked them to be tough and strong and hard – which is crazy because we all are missing out on something amazing! I know often when I watch my partner’s hands, the tenderness I can feel in them immediately reconnects me to my own tenderness – men are SO inspiring – thank you so much for this reminder to constantly appreciate the amazing men in our lives.
Absolutely Meg, we have a society and a planet asking them to be strong and tough, this is the picture we paint, and the ideal we perceive of how a man should be – and then we complain when they are not loving, tender, gentle and sweet – we have been so far from the truth. And yes we are missing out on something so amazing – I feel joy in just writing that – it is beautiful to observe and feel a man’s tenderness, in his fingers, in his touch, and yep from me too, I drop my harness and or guard, immediately re-connecting to the tenderness within me, men are SO inspiring. 🙂
What I also love is when we allow ourselves to feel and see this in all men, even when a man approaches us in a way that is not him, a hardness, a gruffness, or just simply how you know them to not be, we can still connect to and feel the sweetness, gentleness and tenderness of their true essence and connect to that, rather than react to the outside image of what we are met with, and I have to say more often than not, they then come back to feeling this sweetness, gentleness and tenderness too.
How awful it must be for the men who feel they have to develop the habit of hiding their sweet, gentle and tender ways as they approach someone as their way of coping with society’s rejection of these innate aspects of themselves. It’s no wonder most men hold back and check the lie of the land before they come out from behind their facade of hardness and are willing to show who they really are.
Wow Rebecca, that is a little gem you have said there.
Hi Gyl, what a beautifull expression and observation of the true quality of tenderness and gentleness all men have, it is so gorgeous; and seeing men in this expression is such a blessing for women. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have certainly inspired and shine the light for men to be who they truly are.
Absolutely Vicky, along with Curtis and Michael Benhayon, and now many other men too.
This is a great reminder of how things are naturally meant to be. Thanks Gyl.
I agree Kevin, it shows how far away as a society we are in terms of recognising and connecting to the true gentlemen and women that we so naturally are.
A beautiful blog, thank you. It is true that many women pull away when they feel a man’s tenderness, because when you truly feel it, it connects you deeply to your own tenderness. It feels amazing to read your respect and love you are developing for all the men in your life – really inspiring.
Absolutely both Rebecca’s, there have been many times I have felt and observed how sweet, tender, gentle and gorgeous men are, but to only step back from this as it brought up and reflected how hard I was being with myself and others. But now it is beautiful and joyful to allow myself to observe, feel and appreciate just how naturally sweet, tender and gentle all men are, from very young to old, and how each man and boy brings this in their own natural essence.
It actually feels ridiculous that both men and women do pull away from a man’s tenderness, when it is the most exquisite and beautiful warmth of love ever to feel and be held by. It feels like this is the beginnings of some of the games we play in relationships as when we resist surrendering to such love and tenderness, there is also a feeling of rejection that many men do not like to feel and they react to by closing their heart.
Gyl, this is so beautiful and true, my experience of the men around me is that they are naturally incredibly tender and gentle. I love watching my partner and son together, they hold each other and kiss and cuddle and interact so tenderly, with such natural ease, openness and love.
Yes Rebecca, it is so beautiful to observe the tenderness of a man and his child, I love what you share here “interact so tenderly, with such natural ease”.
Hi Gyl, this is a really lovely blog, thank you. I absolutely love being a guy and returning back to the true gentleness and vulnerability that I have been encouraged to shy away from. Right down to the little things about not being ashamed to play with the world as I walk. As I continue to unfold to have found this blogging gem providing your perspective on a truly gentle-man is a lovely reminder of who I am… now off to work and to be the loving business-MAN I am. 🙂
Yes you are absolutely gorgeous, sweet, tender and lovely Phil. 🙂
I agree with you Amina. Yes Phil, you are amazing. Thank you Gyl for a beautiful article.
Nicely put Phil, its great to return to that natural state of tenderness that we come from and not have to worry about being ‘seen’ as tough or having to have an answer for everything. Taking away that false bravado, which a lot of men have, it allows me to be gentle and tender and therefore the world gets to see and feel the real ‘me’. Thank you Gyl, for this beautiful blog.
I read this blog yesterday and spent time at the beach observing men. For many there was such a concern about being seen as tough and many of them were overbuilt. I hadn’t quite considered the pressure placed on men by society to be tough. It starts young with superheroes and goes on from there. But it also didn’t take much to see beneath that very thin layer of “tough”. The tenderness in men is so on the surface and within every man.
Gorgeous Phil.
This is so lovely, Gyl. What a beautiful confirmation and reminder of what being a gentle-man looks and feels like from a woman’s perspective. Thanks for bringing home the effect it has on the world when we choose to let the guard down and remember that in our hearts we are not the hard exterior that is pushed at us, and that when we interact with women without the need for sexual undertones (or overtones) then the whole world opens up and breathes a breath of release.
Beauti-fully said Naren. I can fell the joy in acceptance of you as a tender loving man in your words.
Thank you Gyl, as Naren says it is lovely to hear how you and other women respond to us as men when we are the natural tender loving men that we are. We are bombarded from all angles about how a man should be, tough, strong, not show feelings etc. but slowly we are learning we don’t need to be any of this put on, rather can just be ourselves – loving and tender. Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon have for me too been inspiring role models for how a true man can lovingly express and be.
Absolutely James and Naren I couldn’t agree more. Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and for me Curtis Benhayon are absolute true role models for how tender and loving men can be, and yes Mary you can feel the absolute joy in Naren’s reply. 🙂
And it is so true, so often we hear the casual and throw away remarks of “toughen up”, “be a man”, “Man up”, not only to men but girls as well, which just sets us up to believe that it is not okay to allow ourselves to be all that we are – so deeply loving, tender and divine. It sets us up to begin to shut down to everything that we feel and everything that we know is true.
So true Gyl. Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon have been amazing role models for how tender and loving men can be for a long while and now I can feel many gorgeous men in the Universal Medicine student body choosing this in their own expression and it is an absolute joy to witness this and experience this.
Absolutely Naren, it is amazing to feel the affect we have when we let our guards down and simply allow ourselves to be. And I feel you’ve hit a nail on the head with your reference about sexual under or overtones. I not only feel this goes for how men are with women but how we are with men. We all know innately within us, a love that is there to be expressed, imagine we could simply allow this love to be, to be able to express and share as we so feel with any other person be it a man or a woman, without any sexual energy but simply the deep love and care felt for another person who is just the same as us.
This has been a huge and joyful learning curve for me, and one that I’m still learning, observing and allowing, to not tone down, reserve or hold back my love for a man, even a stranger in the street, for worry that he may feel that I am interested in him etc. but to simply allow myself to express the love that I am, the love that I feel in that moment.
At what point in our lives do we switch and what happens, where does it come from? That we allow ourselves to go from having gorgeous and lovely friendships with men and boys, as equally as we do with women and girls – to the shift where ‘you can’t just be friends with a boy’ — there has to be something else going on or so other people believe? When we naturally know this is how we can be.
This is a beautiful read for all men to feel and know how they naturally are is ok and for women to appreciate and let ourselves feel in a man and self. A great reminder for us All equally. Thank you. 🙂
Thank you Gyl, this is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for expressing how very precious and tender men in truth are.
It makes me smile a huge big smile to read your words, as my whole body absolutely knows and feels how truly precious and tender men really are. It’s such a blessing to be met by men who know this and makes me think of all the deeply tender and caring men I have been graced to meet in this life, near and far.
Gyl – an awesome post. So very beautiful. Thank you for expressing in all your glorious fullness. With appreciation Sarah
Gyl, I love your observations and equally it shows your acceptance to be all of that which you observe as well.
Absolutely Matts, thank you.
One of the deeply felt and beautiful realisations is that all that we observe in another, is within us all, equally so, and as you so rightly share it is a matter of allowing and accepting all that we are.
Thank you Gyl for the awesome reminder of how sweet and tender we all are and especially the men who are continually and from an early age told to toughen up and suck it up. And yet, the tenderness and sweetness are there, just under the surface. Let’s have more of it for all to see, experience and cherish!
Hear Hear Gabriele.
So true Gabrielle, the tenderness and sweetness of both men and women is always there, just under the surface. This gorgeous essence is never lost.
Thank you Alison and Karina for what you both share. Alison I am so with you on that if I don’t meet and honour a man in his gentle and tenderness, then I too feel the exposing of the hardness in me. I love what you share about feeling the absolute strength and beauty that these qualities bring to us all. I also love when I allow myself the space to just be me and express how I feel with men – with no need, no sexual energy, or worry they may think I am trying to chat them – just how much love and care there is there to feel and express.
As Rod has said this is a wonderful template or reminder for men to come back to their true essence, that lies under the hard and tough exterior that life has asked them to become. When I am in the presence of a man in his gentleness I have noticed that if I don’t meet and honour those same qualities, it very much exposes the hardness in me. In the past I would have dismissed the gentle loving gestures as being weak, but not anymore for I can feel the absolute strength and beauty that these qualities bring to us all. Thank you Gyl for reminding us of the exquisiteness and beauty when men are allowed to be in their true essence.
Well said Alison. To feel the tenderness of a gentle-man is truly divine.
Hi Gyl, I love how beautifully you have expressed your observations, what’s projected on the outside and when looking beyond that, what can be seen shining through from the inside. I also have reacted in the past in some of the ways you describe and have also been able to look beyond as I grow and connect to myself more and more, so that I now can feel it in others more and more. I also have men around in my life where, by really seeing/feeling who they truly are – this has created such a huge shift in how we are with each other. Thank you for sharing Gyl, awesome sharing <3.
Hi Gyl, I really love your gentle and insightful observations especially “Instead I have reacted to what’s been projected on the outside, a stereotype, a hardness, an anger, a protection, a story; all of those things which I know of men are not really true.” I too have reacted this way in the past and I especially love, “Even last week when playfully asking a group of workmen if I could take their photo, I was left feeling how sweet, shy, gentle and lovely these men were… it was like watching a group of beautiful young boys at play, not something we normally equate with the stereotype of a workman.” How lovely! Let us celebrate Men and Women being true everywhere!
Hi Elizabeth, I’m still learning everyday to not react in this way, with everyone, not just men, and when I do, it is amazing what I am met with, whatever is projected at me, I don’t take personally and can feel the truth of what’s really going on, even in the most angry person is still the most beautiful and amazing essence. And it feels so much more amazing to not return their hurt, hardness etc. by projecting the same back, but by staying with me, observing, and being love, an amazing space opens between us, and I love them no matter what.
Gyl it is so lovely that in pretty much all your comments you are relating and confirming this way of simply loving and appreciating all men and also to know that tenderness and gentleness is their Truth, whatever they are projecting. I have come a long way in how I respond to all people including men, and your beautiful article and all your comments show very clearly a gorgeous way of deepening these relationships. Thank you.
Powerful words Gyl. This is one of my greatest challenges – to stay as myself and not react or return to the hardness or hurt. You’ve inspired me with that last comment to commit a little more to doing this as I can see what is possible when one stands firm in themselves.
Beautifully expressed Gyl – allows us to feel the amazing quality you bring to relating to other people in this way, thank you.
And it is an amazing reflection for men to receive a women seeing them for the gentle, play-full and sweet essence that is them. It reminds men who we truly are and unfortunately many men have spent so long living hardened and ‘rough’ that they have forgotten that sweetness inside. In my experience, it is the very thing men miss most as the innocent joy of expressing as them when they are little just has not been lived for so long. Thank you Gyl, a gorgeous reminder for us all.
Thank you Joshua, so true.
Thank you Gyl for this amazing article and Joshua for sharing how it is for a gentle man. Having to toughen up instead of remaining the sweetness inside as that little boy who just wanted a hug! My son had to go to boarding school and it was the most horrendous thing watching him try to be big and brave to cope with the experience.
Lorraine mentioned boarding school – having to ‘be brave’ can be the same for girls too – trying not to be a ‘cry-baby’ and toughening up, being independent, a trait that shuts people out for years, until we can learn to open up and let love in.
Teaching in a boarding school I can see how hard it is for both boys and girls. The tough it up trait is imposed by teachers who don’t want to deal with the distress of the child. Much easier and less time consuming to say ‘man up’ than sit down with the child to talk about how they are feeling.
That is very true Rachel, and not only for the boarding school classroom but for us everywhere, at home, at work, at day school. We can change so much by simply being prepared to give some time and genuine tenderness when we can feel a person is struggling.
Ouch that is awful to register and feel – that we have lost our way so much we can’t even support each other as we grow up.
Very scary but true Rachel – it can seem soo much easier just to bottle things up or toughen up but the more we express what we are feeling the more we get to understand life and so the less reactive we are. So in the long run it pays off to take the extra time and attention to express what is coming up for us to feel.
Great comment Carmel, I spent years being ‘tough’ and hardening up to stuff, and now to gently open up, let love in and share the love I am is gorgeous.
Joshua – it is so beautiful to feel your own tenderness and sweetness that emanates through your words here.
Thank you Deborah
Well said Deborah, and yes Joshua, I agree. It is one thing being in the presence of a true gentle-man but hearing one express with clarity and power from their tenderness in another. And thank you for the reminder Joshua of how important it is for women to hold men in their tenderness and sweetness.
Beautifully expressed Josh. As I read your comment a question arose. Is it possible that men have not actually “forgotten that sweetness inside”, that they do know it’s there, but choose to keep it hidden, as to bring it out to the world will be going against the norm of what a man is expected to be; tough, hardened and strong? I feel it is up to us as women, to encourage and support men’s expression of who they naturally are; tender, gentle and sweet.
Wow Joshua, beautifully expressed – the power of offering a true reflection is quite incredible.
Beautifully expressed Joshua, and yes it is that very thing that as men we miss being that innocent and tender with ourselves and others and where there is difference in gender just the playful, loving and tender beings that we are.
It is what I have missed most in my early teenage years, the feeling of our tenderness deep within but afraid to show because that what is shown as being real men is so different.
So true Benkt. It is so full on at school, university and all around us when we are younger and growing up in a world that reflects everything a man is not back to us in contrast to what we know ourselves to be deep within. It is scorned upon to show your tenderness and your sweetness but this is exactly what the world needs right now.
And thank you Joshua for confirming how important it is for us all to share our joy, sweetness and playfullness. This has the power to break down the walls that have been built and melt away the rough exterior.
You know Gyl, this is a beautiful template for men… a ‘how to’ guide to be a ‘real’ man in this crazy world. Indeed there is much in your post where the word ‘man’ could be substituted to ‘woman’. In essence there is little between us.
Hi Rod, absolutely, it is amazing how we as woman also can carry this hard and guarded exterior when underneath it all is the most beautiful, tender, loving and gentle essence – just as equally as there is with all men. Very much worth re-connecting to.
Gyl, so true we women also need to connect to our tenderness.
So true Gyl, it is very much worth re-connecting to, as a man and as a woman. Once we do, we cannot help but fall truly in love with each – a Love that respects and honours that tenderness and does not demand anything from the other, a True Love that celebrates one another’s exquisite essence!
Delightful comments everyone and beautifully expressed Rowena. Thank you.
Well said Rowena and all we have to do is be willing to let each other in and show our true selves to others. If we are able to let go of our guards and protection then this is what we will naturally be left with.
Yes Carolien, those guards and protections in theory keep us safe, but in reality they keep us separate from everyone in the world. Get rid of the guards and the true beauty of who we all are can come out to play in full.
Yes this feels so beautiful not having to control all, but letting go of the guards and showing who we really are, in the un-perfection and tenderness.
Wow beautifully said Rowena! That feels like true love and support.
‘A true Love that celebrates one another’s exquisite essence!’ How beautifully expressed Rowena.
Beautifully expressed Rowena “Once we do, we cannot help but fall truly in love with each -” and very true.
“Love that respects and honours that tenderness and does not demand anything from the other, a True Love that celebrates one another’s exquisite essence!” That is gorgeous. And it ultimately shows that we can fall in love with anyone whoever they may be.
Yes it goes for all of us, thank you Rod and thank you Gyl, for this beautifully expressed blog.
Yes an equality for tenderness in men and women is very important and makes for a magical world.
“Instead I have reacted to what’s been projected on the outside, a stereotype, a hardness, an anger, a protection, a story; all of those things which I know of men are not really true.”Yes, I feel I have bought into the illusion of their roughness, toughness and guardedness and reacted to it within myself and rejected myself also for it.
Ahh lovely points about equality between the sexes which we missed when we went for gender equality by women becoming as aggressive as the men were. Instead now we are seeing that we are equal – in our sensitivity, in our gentleness and in our love. Beautifully honouring of both men and women.
another great set of comments, and yes men and women are absolutely equal in sensitivity, tenderness and love. I feel that what is not yet fully understood is that for us to be equally women do not need to turn in to men and men not into women. We each have our own expression that beautifully complements each other and gives us natural roles in our relationships that deepens our intimacy and allows for deep loving relationships.(note: don’t confuse this with the old fashioned role models of women being at home and men bringing in the bacon)
Well said Carolien ‘we each have our own expression that beautifully complements each other’ . No need for comparison between men, between women and between sexes, just celebrating each other’s qualities.
I agree we each have our own expression and the more we are simply ourselves the more the world gets to enjoy all that we bring. And yes there is a difference between men and women as well but only so far as one in the physical sense and what we are here to reflect and bring to humanity. As ultimately we are all far more than purely a man or a women.
Well said Ariana, it seems to me though that certain sections of the media, for example the tabloid press, have yet to get this message, and perpetuate this absurd notion of ‘the battle of the sexes’ or some such phrase. ‘The truth of equality’ sounds to me like a good title for a great article or blog.
The more I can except and express those qualities: gentleness, sensitivity and lovingness, in myself, the more I appreciate them in men.
So true Laura, I love this.
So very true Laura but I had not realised this until you said it. And yes, the women lib movement was absurd when women tried to be equal in man’s world. And if the “man’s world” had a foundation of tenderness there would be no need to fight to be equal as we are already held as equal when we are in our tenderness.
Great points Nikki – the need to make it in a “man’s world” in order to be equal has been pushed onto women – largely by women – and is absolutely absurd when you realise that this “man’s world” is not how men truly are – nor want to be.
Yes gorgeous Laura – I too feel that as well. I loved reading this blog Gyl. It opens up a whole new way of being with men and I imagine for men to realise that we do see this side in them and it is OK to express it and to re-connect to it.
I agree Sarah. There is a whole way of building a relationship with men when we choose to make it about acceptance of each other and the exquisite tenderness they bring.
Beautiful Laura. This is so true.
Me too Michelle, the essence of man and woman is exquisite.
Absolutely Alan!
Indeed it is Alan, indeed it is.
“If men and women are the same, why do we need a war of the sexes?” – absolute gold
Maybe Jen, we needed a war of the sexes to battle out the truth of who we truly are. Once this is realised, we can then begin to truly live in love and harmony with each other, without any need for competition or comparison, or putting any one sex over or above another.
Awesome declaration Ariana – how the world could be so different – to understand we are equal, instead of the war of the sexes with women seeking to emulate the imposed untrue qualities of men. Gyl has expressed the exquisiteness of how it can be between a man and a woman, to interact with love, tenderness and sensitivity. In the past I can feel this so deeply and in turn feel my own hurts and reactions to how men have distorted their qualities – now I don’t react as much but simply relate to the natural gentleness of a man, whether he exhibits it or not. A beautiful article Gyl.
Exactly Rod, what I discovered by observing men being tender with other men and women around me, is we all have this innate sweetness when we let our guards down. It is just gorgeous for all of us to allow ourselves to be this way with each other.
Absolutely agree Rod there is no gap only slight variances on a theme.
Yes Rod, what a great template this is for us all. When I read this it felt like we have never really grown up and when we drop into that child like innocence we return to adoring each other, like little cherubs in heaven gently and playfully kissing each other on the cheek.
Great point Ariana , thank you. And I was saddened in reading this blog about how much men’s natural tenderness is almost beaten out of them as they grow up…..they are taught to toughen up almost from the day they are born. It is a crime against humanity.