I have begun to truly love men, but not in the sense of being a crazed, man-eating woman.
Nothing to do with sex, or sexual feelings; not in the sense of looking for a partner, nothing along those lines, but the fact that I love men in their essence, as an equal, as a fellow human being who is exactly the same as me. I love what men bring to the world in a naturally sweet, loving, caring, gentle and tender way, and how the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man is in all men, not just a few.
Each day it is a joy to feel this unfold. What I love about men in their essence is just how natural this tenderness and gentleness can be, and how simply being in the presence of a true gentle-man is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world, whether it’s simply:
- A man honouring me for just being me, not what I look like, nor what I do
- Having a conversation
- Observing them
- An offer of help
- A loving gesture, or act
- An email exchange
- A hug
- A kiss or
- A gentle and tender touch.
When I experience men in this gentle, tender state of being, all hardness and or protection I may have been carrying completely drops, and I am left feeling my own exquisite tenderness, gentleness and deep care; and the fact that men are not really hard, rough and tough, but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender.
There’s been many occasions where I have been blessed to feel such lovely men, and yet at the time I have not appreciated this naturally gentle and tender way. Instead I have reacted to what’s been projected on the outside, a stereotype, a hardness, an anger, a protection, a story; all of those things which I know of men are not really true.
However the times when I have, and now do appreciate men for who they truly are, I have felt it from:
- Sharing a hug with a male friend that felt so open and amazing with no sexual feelings whatsoever.
- Having my hair gently moved out of my face with such tenderness and care it completely blew me away.
- Feeling arms wrapped around me gently with deep care.
- Hearing a man’s voice who’s living with such love and care and feeling my whole body expand.
- Having a conversation with a man who has held me as his equal with true love and care.
- Being kissed truly from love with no sexual desire. The true feeling where a kiss comes from love, and that is simply what it is, no other reason, not wanting anything, no need for sex or just wanting sex or lust, just simply love. So often affections are shown with such a strong sexual energy instead of true beauty, appreciation and love.
- Simply observing a grown man sleeping on the train, seeing the beautiful, tender and innocent young boy in him, and naturally feeling love.
- Observing how tender a man is with a baby or child.
Even last week when playfully asking a group of workmen if I could take their photo, I was left feeling how sweet, shy, gentle and lovely these men were… it was like watching a group of beautiful young boys at play, not something we normally equate with the stereotype of a workman.
What I am coming to feel is that under the hard exteriors that many men have built to protect themselves are the most naturally loving and caring men, but they have learned somewhere in life to not show this and hide it away.
Maybe it’s been in the playground or at the school gates, when beautiful young boys are told to wipe their tears away, to ‘man-up’, be tough, to not be a sissy or a girl, or stop being gay. Maybe it’s all the role models, the media, the ideals and beliefs that a man is rough, rugged, muscular, hard, tough, has to fight or compete his way through life, and that to talk, to share how you feel, to be open, express, to cry, to be love, to be sensitive, gentle and tender is not how a real man should be.
But what if these beliefs and ideals were a lie to keep men from knowing who they truly are and sharing their tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity with the world? What would happen if we allowed men to be this way?
Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be. Without saying anything or having any expectations I can observe, feel and appreciate the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man, even if it’s not what he’s choosing to be at that particular moment, and that all men are as equally tender and gentle as any woman or child can be.
With love and thanks to Serge Benhayon, Curtis Benhayon and Michael Benhayon, for they are without doubt amazing, truly loving and tender role models for all men; and to Universal Medicine for all they present, live and share, and to all the truly beautiful, tender and gentle-men out there.
By Gyl Rae, Student and waitress, Scotland
710 Comments
Thanks Gyl, another great blog, I love reading your words. I have had the pleasure of having a body work session with Curtis Benhayon and oh my goodness, it was the most tenderness I have felt from a man, or a women come to that! What a fantastic role model indeed! I am lucky enough to be in a relationship with a very tender man, he has scars like us all but he is really bringing out his own gentleness with pride and it is beautiful to be with. On the other hand there are men in my life who are the other end of the spectrum and hiding their gentleness – I find it difficult at times to feel it when they behave in certain unkind ways towards me. I am developing the understanding as to why men have felt the need to hide their true selves to help me not take it personally when these non gentle ways come my way. Your blog is inspiring me on this front so thank you Gyl.
Thank you for this wonderful celebration of men. I find it beautiful that men cannot hide how sweet and tender they are – even the tough ones…
Absolutely Janet it is so beautiful, as you say, that all men, even ‘tough’ men cannot hide their absolute tenderness and sweetness.
So true Janet. I find that I often colour the situation with how I react: I decide I don’t like the way some man is behaving and I harden up in defence and then all I can see is what I had made a judgement about. But since learning that I am the master of my own responses and choices, I have many times spotted when I was doing that, stopped the incessant blaming and judgment, eased off on the protection and hardening ….. and presto as you say there it was: a sweetness and tenderness under all the other stuff that they could not hide and that I could not fail to see!
This is a beautiful article to read. It made me stop and really appreciate men.
Thank you Anna, I too love appreciating all men.
Yes Gyl, those expectations of how someone should be for us, especially men, put hard barriers up in between us. If we can only feel that sweet, tenderness inside others first and open ourselves in the way you describe, then my experience is that they start to respond from that gentle place within themselves. I love your blog, especially now I am meeting so many more gentle men. They are so amazingly good to be with, without any of the threats I used to experience, real or imagined, that my own attitude and fears of truly communicating are completely swept away.
Dear Joan, so very true and this is my experience too, men are so good and gorgeous to be with, I love feeling their natural sweetness, gentleness and tenderness
I love reading this blog Gyl it is such a loving reminder. There is such beauty in men when we allow them to be who they are without expectation and a need.
Thank you Alison, and I absolutely agree with you. Just a few days ago I was lovingly reminded, that often I hold back being all of me with a man, because of my own needs, wanting him to get something, to be a certain way with me, or simply understand how I am feeling and the depths of it, without being willing to open up and be all of me. It is like I hold him or other men or people for that matter to a ‘needy ransom’ – until you show me all of you or get what I feel – then I am not willing to be all of me with you – how awful and unloving is that. As soon as I realised this and just allowed us both to be who we are, the hardness and need I had been carrying dropped and all I felt was absolute love for him. I could again feel and connect to his natural sweetness, tenderness, joy and gentleness and also my own.
Today, just knowing that it is my choice to meet every man in the tenderness and sweetness that they are, is a blessing.
I agree
Absolutely gorgeous Michelle, so true, thank you
Gyl this is gorgeous! I totally love men too and for what they truly offer. I have always enjoyed the company of men, but it saddened me as a young woman that any platonic relationship I formed with men would somehow be tainted by them wanting more or needing sex. I went into a protection and didn’t allow myself to be fully open with them. This gave no opportunity for my friends to feel their fullness as I certainly wasn’t feeling mine. If I had been fully myself I could have dealt with any sexual advances easily and given them an opportunity to feel where these advances were coming from.
As it now stands I have had the absolute joy and pleasure of experiencing with many men all that you have shared. When I am in the company of these totally gorgeous people I feel incredibly blessed, cherished, held and loved. My idea of heaven is to be in a room full of men expressing their natural tenderness! The joy in each moment of a connection is deeply felt and these moments are mine to keep, continuing to deepen my own sense of self appreciation. A big thank you to all the gorgeous men in my life, no matter on what scale you play a part. You have enriched my life beyond measure. The tenderness and love that you bring – the blessing you bring – deepens the love in my body which can then be shared with everyone. Thank you.
I loved reading your sincerity, Michelle in which I share your words…. “A big thank you to all the gorgeous men in my life, no matter on what scale you play a part. You have enriched my life beyond measure”. There are many magic moments I have experienced from beautiful and tender men who I have had either had relationships with or platonic friendships. One colleague springs to mind as I felt so honoured every time we met in the corridor and I had to pass through a door. He ALWAYS opened the door for me and looked me in the eye as I passed through. Sometimes he would say good morning, sometimes hello and sometimes nothing at all, but he always looked me in the eye and there was real sincerity in his gesture. This action always came from the heart and was genuine each time. Every day it was in the same quality. It didn’t matter if he was having a good day or a bad day, the consistency of the gesture was always there. I deeply appreciated the blessing.
I’m so with you on this one Rachel, it reminds me of the man who fixes my car, he is the most gorgeous and amazing man, with the most incredible blue eyes, who never fails to meet me and look me in the eye, and I do not hold back in sharing with him how incredible his eyes are every time I see him. And as you say Rachel when he meets me and looks me in the eye it’s the most genuine and natural way of being – there is absolutely no trying and every single time in the same genuine quality and expression, he is so sweet and amazing – every time I have to take my car there, I too am met with a such a blessing. Even his son shares this naturally sweet, tender and caring way of being, and also with the most bright and incredible eyes.
Oooh, I can feel your experience through your words… how lovely and divine! Gorgeous!
Absolutely – I love meeting men in this way even if they choose not to feel it, I don’t have to stop or have a conversation with them, it may even just be a beaming huge and open smile as I pass them in the street or supermarket. Even when I sit and connect with men, who may not be feeling their natural tender, sweet and gentle essence at that time, when I choose to not react, simply just be and feel this in them, I can feel how much love I feel for them and all that they share is not who they really are, that it may come from a hurt, or something outside of them that is affecting them.
Dear Michelle, I absolutely know where you are coming from, I too had the most beautiful and deeply loving platonic relationship when I was with a boy at high school whom I deeply cherished and loved, and feeling back to this I so loved our friendship, there was not one ounce of sexual energy attached to it, just two friends who cared about and loved hanging out and having fun with one another. But as I grew up it also saddens me to feel how this changes, that society has been set up to not allow us to simply just be friends with men, it always has to be loaded, either with something sexual going on, jealousy or other people’s comments, but it doesn’t have to be this way. I am re-learning that I can feel love and deep care for a man, want to spend time with him, hang out, have fun and appreciate his deeply caring and tender ways without the need for anything else or any sexual energy at play. It’s just so natural for people to connect and be together no matter what gender they are.
Your point about it being so natural for people to connect and be together no matter what gender they are is something for us to hold dear Gyl. It seems that we have made this natural and loving way of connecting very complicated.
Just to read/hear/feel your words is a blessing. Often it is assumed that it is the man who is the “seeker of sex.” But it works both ways. I know this from life. And I know this from reading your blog. Because to feel true appreciation and expression without any sexual energy attached is a deep blessing for me (and all men). Thank you Gyl. For allowing us to be who we naturally are.
Beautifully expressed Otto..
Thank you Otto, a deep blessing for me to read your words, as Susan says, so beautifully expressed. What I love is being allowed to love men for who they really are, allowing myself to be open to them, to not hold back or hide my expression for fear of it being taken in another way, but simply expressing the absolute true love I feel for them with no other agenda or energy in sight. We are ALL naturally that way when we are little, then something changes to make us believe or live up to an ideal, a picture in society’s head, that then becomes ours, that we cannot be truly loving and open equally with all men, and visa versa, that there has to be something more, something sexual in the way, when that’s simply not true, and we can be the closest, dearest and best of friends.
All of my life I have felt ‘deprived’ of men-in-their-truth and much of my life I have said “I miss our men! I know they’re in there, I’ve seen glimpses!” and “How can I reach them, how do we coax them back?” and now, thanks to Universal Medicine, I am seeing more and more of who they truly are as they feel more free to be themselves. I have gained a much deeper understanding of what has happened and how to support them in reclaiming their true and full way of being. I need to be in my fullness as a woman and live with tenderness and gentleness myself for starters! The world welcomes you back in all your beauty and tenderness, amazing, gentle-men! Take courage and break the rigid mold the world has formed for you. We are by your side. We want you back.
Hear, hear Jo! Yes gorgeous men out there, we are by your side and we want you back… it is such a pleasure to feel the gentleness and tenderness of your expression. Being in the company of true, “gentlemen” is a gracious and divine experience. There is full honouring of others when met in this quality. I love being met by men in this way. It is so inspiring to see men who live this and reflect this as a possibility to all men who have toughened up to cope with life. Underneath every man is tender. We have much to teach our young boys as they grow up to appreciate their tenderness and allow the expression of it in life.
So true Jo, we chose to hide our sensitivity and gentleness away, because of how the world reacts, yet we just hurt ourselves by doing this and give permission to a hard and joyless way of living. There is so much that comes from celebrating that essence of tenderness
There were many commonly accepted beliefs about men that I was brought up with. Men are hard and strong; men are ‘only after one thing’ (sex), men are decisive and they know better, but they are not allowed to cry. Then there was the opposite about women – women are weaker, indecisive and always crying. I hated being a woman and wanted to be a man, because I wanted to be strong and decisive. Now I am learning that our strength is in our tenderness, it is a whole new way of being. I now see men who are not afraid of showing their tenderness and they are a joy to be around. It is enabling me to let go of the old belief systems and meet men as they truly are, and to also enjoy being tender with myself, as a woman.
Absolutely Carmel, working in schools I have so often heard adults telling children to “man up, toughen up, you can’t let people see you cry”, in moments where young men and boys are so aware and connected to their natural tenderness and gentleness, yet all around them (nearly) they are being told they cannot be this way. Yet we then complain when men grow up and don’t want to talk, be open, or show their sensitive, deeply tender, loving and caring side, but it is us who have made them this way. It is amazing and such a blessing to feel and see more men who are not afraid of showing their deeply loving, tender and gentle ways, thank goodness for Serge Benhayon, Curtis Benhayon and Michael Benhayon and Universal Medicine for inspiring and showing us all there is another way.
I agree Carmel. To let go of those male stereotypes and allow myself to be the tender man that I am is really such a relief and a joy.
Men have such a beautiful natural presence and they can bring so much to the world. It is truly wonderful when we allow ourselves to feel this and they allow themselves to be all of that. It is amazing that there are now support networks showing men that it is okay to be themselves in all that they do. Thank you.
I second that Jenny!
Yes they do
I fully agree with you Jenny. Support networks like these allow men to reform our foundation of loving and tenderness, that which we have suppressed for years and built walls around. It’s almost like learning to walk again and like small children once they get it… they’re off and there’s no stopping them.
It is such a joy witnessing men drop the hardness and competitiveness, and embrace the natural tenderness and caring nature they have. Witnessing the love and care expanding amongst so many men has allowed me to appreciate how increasingly gorgeous men are as they allow themselves to re-connect to their natural essence.
What a gorgeous blog, Gyl! It is truly beautiful to observe and be in the company of men being tender and gentle, not only with women, but with each other as well. Watching Fathers and sons express in this way together lights me up. I have always felt that it shows much strength of character for a man to keep expressing his natural, tender ways and to not develop a tough exterior to show the world he is a man. I am truly blessed as I know many men who express from their essence. I agree with vicky there are so many ideals, beliefs and consciousnesses to break around this issue. Your blog is a great way to start.
Thank you Rachel, absolutely, it’s so beautiful being in the presence of men being truly tender and open with one another, very beautiful and inspiring to observe and feel. As with fathers and their sons, I know how you feel, I drove past a small boy yesterday with his arms wrapped round his father who was crouched down to meet him, it just felt amazing to see and completely melted my heart.
Yes, I can imagine it would!
Hi Gyl, I found this blog very inspiring to feel the warmth from your words.. And yes, Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon are definitely true role models.
Thank you Tim.
Hi Gyl, I Love your article expressing about man’s true gentleness and tenderness. Today I was looking after kids doing trampolining and a really sweet gentle boy was having his turn on the trampoline and the instructor said to him (who was a woman), you can do it harder than that you are a man!!! It really shocked me and then I thought but this is what is normally said to boys and men to be tough to be strong to be hard .. yuk how wrong are we. It is so beautiful and such a blessing to feel men in their natural tenderness, beauty and gentleness of who they really are. We have so many old ideals, beliefs and conciousnesses to break surrounding this and your article has been a massive start.
Yes Vicky, I have heard this too from teachers about my boys. They want them to push harder, work harder, join the rugby team, join judo, be more competitive in sports, do sport after school and so it goes on… I don’t buy into any of it. It’s as if sport should define us and that boys in particular must achieve in this area. It doesn’t matter if they are too sweet or delicate to play. But I also heard it from a father recently, who was insisting that his little girl would be playing rugby by the age of 5. I wonder if the little girl will feel the same!?
Hi David, yes it was a really beautiful moment, – and Yes, Serge Benhayon, Curtis Benhayon and Michael Benhayon most definitely are, as are you all, and all men, when we allow them to naturally just be.
I have greatly enjoyed reading the comments here as they grow daily. Thank you Gyl for opening the conversation and everyone for your comments, it is a lovely reminder and such a joyful one to take into life. I have been noticing at work how when I choose to remember that tenderness is just under the surface for everyone even if they are not expressing it at the time, I myself become more tender in my body instantly and that feels lovely – and at times the other person has reduced their aggressive behaviour as well and has become quite gentle and more at ease all round, and that has felt exquisite.
Absolutely Golnaz, and what a a great reminder from you too, at times it is all too easy to get caught up in the hurt, or harden because of someone else’s choices, when really tenderness is our foundation, and the moment we acknowledge that tenderness or simply just have a little reminder, it allows us to feel how gorgeous and lovely and tender we and our bodies really are, and with that feel this in all others – if we drop our hardness and protection it allows another to let go of theirs.
Thank you Gyl for writing this, it feels very supportive to read and feel the tenderness being allowed out by all the men. I love the part where you asked to take a photo of the workmen and how they came together. In myself I started to relax and be more at ease with myself as reading – without needing to perform. What an amazing inspiration Curtis Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Serge Benhayon are for us all.
I agree David, the Benhayons are a true inspiration for all. And it was so lovely and amazing to observe the change in these workman, and see their naturally sweet tenderness at play. I wasn’t asking anything of them, or to do anything for me, just simply appreciating, connecting and allowing them to be themselves.
Thank you for this beautiful blog. I sometimes forget how tender men are, playful and so sweet. It’s these moments when I forget that I get reflected that I have chosen hardness or that I have an expectation, for example in my own relationship. Letting men (my partner) just truly be for who they are is such a healing, for myself and also for the relationship.
Hi Mariette, I agree, there are times I forget how tender men are. That just makes me smile a huge smile to write and feel that – isn’t it amazing that even by what seems such a simple act of writing and reading it re-connects us to those feelings within.
I loved what you have shared “I get reflected that I have chosen hardness,” I have felt this many times, not only from men. I’m so aware of it in others, then I’m like, wait a minute that’s exactly what I am choosing for me. It’s a great learning, it is way to easy to blame another than take responsibility for how we choose to be!
And this is pure gold, letting people be for who they truly are is such a healing – how often do we set expectations, have pictures in our heads of how we want things or another to be, only to then have them fall short, and then a great way for us to use it as an excuse to not let them in.
Hi Gyl, it is sad to feel the amount of expectations I have put on men and then as you say they fall short of this (of course, who can meet them?!) and there’s my excuse not to let them in. So we all lose out on how amazing men are… as society our interactions deny each other of these deeply loving qualities all of the time. Men are amazing, when I see a man in their tenderness I melt, it is truly beautiful to see and feel.
“When I see a man in their tenderness I melt,” so do I Susan, it is so beautiful to see and feel, and amazing to allow men to be.
Yihaa, I love what you write Gyl, so true, I sometimes want to blame the other but it is all in me, and for me to take responsibility. And yes, allowing others to be, wow, I can practice with that on a daily basis. (; Soo many expectations and wanting to change the other, and yes, also partners, it feels really important to see that pattern and also to see that I am the one that can change that pattern.
When we lay down the weapons of gender competition and feel the truth of who we are, everything changes. Men are exquisite, gentle, sweet, tender, wise, loving and inspiring. Meeting them, connecting with them and loving them with this knowing changes everything, dissolving the toughness so many of us have adopted to struggle through life.
Yes Matilda we are all the same.
Matilda thank you for your gorgeous expression. The love and cherishing in your words is truly beautiful.
So beautifully said Matilda…
Matilda I so relate to your expression when you say “When we lay down the weapons of gender competition and feel the truth of who we are, everything changes.” This is so true.
Hear hear, truly spoken. Let tenderness and gentleness prevail for all.
The struggles we choose to adopted Matilda is a great reminder that they are just that choices. When we allow each other to be who we are with no judgement there is no room for struggle just a celebration of men and what deep and tender love they have to offer another.
Gyl – I really truly love this blog. I completely agree – feeling a man’s true tenderness is gorgeous, men are deeply beautiful and we as a planet have asked them to be tough and strong and hard – which is crazy because we all are missing out on something amazing! I know often when I watch my partner’s hands, the tenderness I can feel in them immediately reconnects me to my own tenderness – men are SO inspiring – thank you so much for this reminder to constantly appreciate the amazing men in our lives.
Absolutely Meg, we have a society and a planet asking them to be strong and tough, this is the picture we paint, and the ideal we perceive of how a man should be – and then we complain when they are not loving, tender, gentle and sweet – we have been so far from the truth. And yes we are missing out on something so amazing – I feel joy in just writing that – it is beautiful to observe and feel a man’s tenderness, in his fingers, in his touch, and yep from me too, I drop my harness and or guard, immediately re-connecting to the tenderness within me, men are SO inspiring. 🙂
What I also love is when we allow ourselves to feel and see this in all men, even when a man approaches us in a way that is not him, a hardness, a gruffness, or just simply how you know them to not be, we can still connect to and feel the sweetness, gentleness and tenderness of their true essence and connect to that, rather than react to the outside image of what we are met with, and I have to say more often than not, they then come back to feeling this sweetness, gentleness and tenderness too.
How awful it must be for the men who feel they have to develop the habit of hiding their sweet, gentle and tender ways as they approach someone as their way of coping with society’s rejection of these innate aspects of themselves. It’s no wonder most men hold back and check the lie of the land before they come out from behind their facade of hardness and are willing to show who they really are.
Wow Rebecca, that is a little gem you have said there.
Hi Gyl, what a beautifull expression and observation of the true quality of tenderness and gentleness all men have, it is so gorgeous; and seeing men in this expression is such a blessing for women. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine have certainly inspired and shine the light for men to be who they truly are.
Absolutely Vicky, along with Curtis and Michael Benhayon, and now many other men too.
This is a great reminder of how things are naturally meant to be. Thanks Gyl.
I agree Kevin, it shows how far away as a society we are in terms of recognising and connecting to the true gentlemen and women that we so naturally are.
A beautiful blog, thank you. It is true that many women pull away when they feel a man’s tenderness, because when you truly feel it, it connects you deeply to your own tenderness. It feels amazing to read your respect and love you are developing for all the men in your life – really inspiring.
Absolutely both Rebecca’s, there have been many times I have felt and observed how sweet, tender, gentle and gorgeous men are, but to only step back from this as it brought up and reflected how hard I was being with myself and others. But now it is beautiful and joyful to allow myself to observe, feel and appreciate just how naturally sweet, tender and gentle all men are, from very young to old, and how each man and boy brings this in their own natural essence.
It actually feels ridiculous that both men and women do pull away from a man’s tenderness, when it is the most exquisite and beautiful warmth of love ever to feel and be held by. It feels like this is the beginnings of some of the games we play in relationships as when we resist surrendering to such love and tenderness, there is also a feeling of rejection that many men do not like to feel and they react to by closing their heart.
Gyl, this is so beautiful and true, my experience of the men around me is that they are naturally incredibly tender and gentle. I love watching my partner and son together, they hold each other and kiss and cuddle and interact so tenderly, with such natural ease, openness and love.
Yes Rebecca, it is so beautiful to observe the tenderness of a man and his child, I love what you share here “interact so tenderly, with such natural ease”.
Hi Gyl, this is a really lovely blog, thank you. I absolutely love being a guy and returning back to the true gentleness and vulnerability that I have been encouraged to shy away from. Right down to the little things about not being ashamed to play with the world as I walk. As I continue to unfold to have found this blogging gem providing your perspective on a truly gentle-man is a lovely reminder of who I am… now off to work and to be the loving business-MAN I am. 🙂
Yes you are absolutely gorgeous, sweet, tender and lovely Phil. 🙂
Yes you sure are Phil, very well said.
I agree with you Amina. Yes Phil, you are amazing. Thank you Gyl for a beautiful article.
Nicely put Phil, its great to return to that natural state of tenderness that we come from and not have to worry about being ‘seen’ as tough or having to have an answer for everything. Taking away that false bravado, which a lot of men have, it allows me to be gentle and tender and therefore the world gets to see and feel the real ‘me’. Thank you Gyl, for this beautiful blog.
I read this blog yesterday and spent time at the beach observing men. For many there was such a concern about being seen as tough and many of them were overbuilt. I hadn’t quite considered the pressure placed on men by society to be tough. It starts young with superheroes and goes on from there. But it also didn’t take much to see beneath that very thin layer of “tough”. The tenderness in men is so on the surface and within every man.
Gorgeous Phil.
Hi Gyl, this is a great article and one that highlights so much truth and how lost we are as a society to allow men to harden up and toughen up thinking that this is what makes a man. It is allowing our tenderness out that allows us to be ourselves, as you say this is the key.
This is so lovely, Gyl. What a beautiful confirmation and reminder of what being a gentle-man looks and feels like from a woman’s perspective. Thanks for bringing home the effect it has on the world when we choose to let the guard down and remember that in our hearts we are not the hard exterior that is pushed at us, and that when we interact with women without the need for sexual undertones (or overtones) then the whole world opens up and breathes a breath of release.
Beauti-fully said Naren. I can fell the joy in acceptance of you as a tender loving man in your words.
Thank you Gyl, as Naren says it is lovely to hear how you and other women respond to us as men when we are the natural tender loving men that we are. We are bombarded from all angles about how a man should be, tough, strong, not show feelings etc. but slowly we are learning we don’t need to be any of this put on, rather can just be ourselves – loving and tender. Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon have for me too been inspiring role models for how a true man can lovingly express and be.
Absolutely James and Naren I couldn’t agree more. Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and for me Curtis Benhayon are absolute true role models for how tender and loving men can be, and yes Mary you can feel the absolute joy in Naren’s reply. 🙂
And it is so true, so often we hear the casual and throw away remarks of “toughen up”, “be a man”, “Man up”, not only to men but girls as well, which just sets us up to believe that it is not okay to allow ourselves to be all that we are – so deeply loving, tender and divine. It sets us up to begin to shut down to everything that we feel and everything that we know is true.
So true Gyl. Serge Benhayon, Michael Benhayon and Curtis Benhayon have been amazing role models for how tender and loving men can be for a long while and now I can feel many gorgeous men in the Universal Medicine student body choosing this in their own expression and it is an absolute joy to witness this and experience this.
I agree James it is beautiful to be accepted for being the natural men that we are, it confirms that we don’t have to put on the tough guy image, or any image in fact to be seen.
Absolutely Naren, it is amazing to feel the affect we have when we let our guards down and simply allow ourselves to be. And I feel you’ve hit a nail on the head with your reference about sexual under or overtones. I not only feel this goes for how men are with women but how we are with men. We all know innately within us, a love that is there to be expressed, imagine we could simply allow this love to be, to be able to express and share as we so feel with any other person be it a man or a woman, without any sexual energy but simply the deep love and care felt for another person who is just the same as us.
This has been a huge and joyful learning curve for me, and one that I’m still learning, observing and allowing, to not tone down, reserve or hold back my love for a man, even a stranger in the street, for worry that he may feel that I am interested in him etc. but to simply allow myself to express the love that I am, the love that I feel in that moment.
At what point in our lives do we switch and what happens, where does it come from? That we allow ourselves to go from having gorgeous and lovely friendships with men and boys, as equally as we do with women and girls – to the shift where ‘you can’t just be friends with a boy’ — there has to be something else going on or so other people believe? When we naturally know this is how we can be.
This is a beautiful read for all men to feel and know how they naturally are is ok and for women to appreciate and let ourselves feel in a man and self. A great reminder for us All equally. Thank you. 🙂
Thank you Gyl, this is absolutely beautiful. Thank you for expressing how very precious and tender men in truth are.
Absolutely Esther, this is a beautiful blessing for men to remind and confirm in them all the wonderful qualities that they are in truth.
It makes me smile a huge big smile to read your words, as my whole body absolutely knows and feels how truly precious and tender men really are. It’s such a blessing to be met by men who know this and makes me think of all the deeply tender and caring men I have been graced to meet in this life, near and far.
Gyl – an awesome post. So very beautiful. Thank you for expressing in all your glorious fullness. With appreciation Sarah
Gyl, I love your observations and equally it shows your acceptance to be all of that which you observe as well.
Absolutely Matts, thank you.
One of the deeply felt and beautiful realisations is that all that we observe in another, is within us all, equally so, and as you so rightly share it is a matter of allowing and accepting all that we are.
Thank you Gyl for the awesome reminder of how sweet and tender we all are and especially the men who are continually and from an early age told to toughen up and suck it up. And yet, the tenderness and sweetness are there, just under the surface. Let’s have more of it for all to see, experience and cherish!
Hear Hear Gabriele.
So true Gabrielle, the tenderness and sweetness of both men and women is always there, just under the surface. This gorgeous essence is never lost.
Thank you Alison and Karina for what you both share. Alison I am so with you on that if I don’t meet and honour a man in his gentle and tenderness, then I too feel the exposing of the hardness in me. I love what you share about feeling the absolute strength and beauty that these qualities bring to us all. I also love when I allow myself the space to just be me and express how I feel with men – with no need, no sexual energy, or worry they may think I am trying to chat them – just how much love and care there is there to feel and express.
As Rod has said this is a wonderful template or reminder for men to come back to their true essence, that lies under the hard and tough exterior that life has asked them to become. When I am in the presence of a man in his gentleness I have noticed that if I don’t meet and honour those same qualities, it very much exposes the hardness in me. In the past I would have dismissed the gentle loving gestures as being weak, but not anymore for I can feel the absolute strength and beauty that these qualities bring to us all. Thank you Gyl for reminding us of the exquisiteness and beauty when men are allowed to be in their true essence.
Well said Alison. To feel the tenderness of a gentle-man is truly divine.
Hi Gyl, I love how beautifully you have expressed your observations, what’s projected on the outside and when looking beyond that, what can be seen shining through from the inside. I also have reacted in the past in some of the ways you describe and have also been able to look beyond as I grow and connect to myself more and more, so that I now can feel it in others more and more. I also have men around in my life where, by really seeing/feeling who they truly are – this has created such a huge shift in how we are with each other. Thank you for sharing Gyl, awesome sharing <3.
Hi Gyl, I really love your gentle and insightful observations especially “Instead I have reacted to what’s been projected on the outside, a stereotype, a hardness, an anger, a protection, a story; all of those things which I know of men are not really true.” I too have reacted this way in the past and I especially love, “Even last week when playfully asking a group of workmen if I could take their photo, I was left feeling how sweet, shy, gentle and lovely these men were… it was like watching a group of beautiful young boys at play, not something we normally equate with the stereotype of a workman.” How lovely! Let us celebrate Men and Women being true everywhere!
Hi Elizabeth, I’m still learning everyday to not react in this way, with everyone, not just men, and when I do, it is amazing what I am met with, whatever is projected at me, I don’t take personally and can feel the truth of what’s really going on, even in the most angry person is still the most beautiful and amazing essence. And it feels so much more amazing to not return their hurt, hardness etc. by projecting the same back, but by staying with me, observing, and being love, an amazing space opens between us, and I love them no matter what.
Gyl it is so lovely that in pretty much all your comments you are relating and confirming this way of simply loving and appreciating all men and also to know that tenderness and gentleness is their Truth, whatever they are projecting. I have come a long way in how I respond to all people including men, and your beautiful article and all your comments show very clearly a gorgeous way of deepening these relationships. Thank you.
Powerful words Gyl. This is one of my greatest challenges – to stay as myself and not react or return to the hardness or hurt. You’ve inspired me with that last comment to commit a little more to doing this as I can see what is possible when one stands firm in themselves.
Beautifully expressed Gyl – allows us to feel the amazing quality you bring to relating to other people in this way, thank you.
And it is an amazing reflection for men to receive a women seeing them for the gentle, play-full and sweet essence that is them. It reminds men who we truly are and unfortunately many men have spent so long living hardened and ‘rough’ that they have forgotten that sweetness inside. In my experience, it is the very thing men miss most as the innocent joy of expressing as them when they are little just has not been lived for so long. Thank you Gyl, a gorgeous reminder for us all.
Thank you Joshua, so true.
Thank you Gyl for this amazing article and Joshua for sharing how it is for a gentle man. Having to toughen up instead of remaining the sweetness inside as that little boy who just wanted a hug! My son had to go to boarding school and it was the most horrendous thing watching him try to be big and brave to cope with the experience.
Lorraine mentioned boarding school – having to ‘be brave’ can be the same for girls too – trying not to be a ‘cry-baby’ and toughening up, being independent, a trait that shuts people out for years, until we can learn to open up and let love in.
Teaching in a boarding school I can see how hard it is for both boys and girls. The tough it up trait is imposed by teachers who don’t want to deal with the distress of the child. Much easier and less time consuming to say ‘man up’ than sit down with the child to talk about how they are feeling.
Wow how sad, but so True Rachel..
That is very true Rachel, and not only for the boarding school classroom but for us everywhere, at home, at work, at day school. We can change so much by simply being prepared to give some time and genuine tenderness when we can feel a person is struggling.
Yes, taking even one moment in tenderness in response to someone having a bad time allows for so much to be understood in those short seconds. Imagine if you dedicated 5 minutes, 10 minutes even 20, or half an hour out of your day?
Ouch that is awful to register and feel – that we have lost our way so much we can’t even support each other as we grow up.
Very scary but true Rachel – it can seem soo much easier just to bottle things up or toughen up but the more we express what we are feeling the more we get to understand life and so the less reactive we are. So in the long run it pays off to take the extra time and attention to express what is coming up for us to feel.
Great comment Carmel, I spent years being ‘tough’ and hardening up to stuff, and now to gently open up, let love in and share the love I am is gorgeous.
Joshua – it is so beautiful to feel your own tenderness and sweetness that emanates through your words here.
Thank you Deborah
Well said Deborah, and yes Joshua, I agree. It is one thing being in the presence of a true gentle-man but hearing one express with clarity and power from their tenderness in another. And thank you for the reminder Joshua of how important it is for women to hold men in their tenderness and sweetness.
Beautifully expressed Josh. As I read your comment a question arose. Is it possible that men have not actually “forgotten that sweetness inside”, that they do know it’s there, but choose to keep it hidden, as to bring it out to the world will be going against the norm of what a man is expected to be; tough, hardened and strong? I feel it is up to us as women, to encourage and support men’s expression of who they naturally are; tender, gentle and sweet.
Wow Joshua, beautifully expressed – the power of offering a true reflection is quite incredible.
Beautifully expressed Joshua, and yes it is that very thing that as men we miss being that innocent and tender with ourselves and others and where there is difference in gender just the playful, loving and tender beings that we are.
It is what I have missed most in my early teenage years, the feeling of our tenderness deep within but afraid to show because that what is shown as being real men is so different.
So true Benkt. It is so full on at school, university and all around us when we are younger and growing up in a world that reflects everything a man is not back to us in contrast to what we know ourselves to be deep within. It is scorned upon to show your tenderness and your sweetness but this is exactly what the world needs right now.
To add to what you have shared Joshua and many women have encouraged men to ‘toughen up’ or insinuated that they are weak if they show their sensitivity and express their femininity. All that is happening in these instances is an exposing for the woman that she is not allowing herself the same opportunity to be sensitive and feminine.
And thank you Joshua for confirming how important it is for us all to share our joy, sweetness and playfullness. This has the power to break down the walls that have been built and melt away the rough exterior.
You know Gyl, this is a beautiful template for men… a ‘how to’ guide to be a ‘real’ man in this crazy world. Indeed there is much in your post where the word ‘man’ could be substituted to ‘woman’. In essence there is little between us.
Hi Rod, absolutely, it is amazing how we as woman also can carry this hard and guarded exterior when underneath it all is the most beautiful, tender, loving and gentle essence – just as equally as there is with all men. Very much worth re-connecting to.
Very much indeed Gyl, it is deeply important to feel how beautiful, tender and loving we all are.
Gyl, so true we women also need to connect to our tenderness.
So true Gyl, it is very much worth re-connecting to, as a man and as a woman. Once we do, we cannot help but fall truly in love with each – a Love that respects and honours that tenderness and does not demand anything from the other, a True Love that celebrates one another’s exquisite essence!
Delightful comments everyone and beautifully expressed Rowena. Thank you.
Well said Rowena and all we have to do is be willing to let each other in and show our true selves to others. If we are able to let go of our guards and protection then this is what we will naturally be left with.
Yes Carolien, those guards and protections in theory keep us safe, but in reality they keep us separate from everyone in the world. Get rid of the guards and the true beauty of who we all are can come out to play in full.
Yes this feels so beautiful not having to control all, but letting go of the guards and showing who we really are, in the un-perfection and tenderness.
Wow beautifully said Rowena! That feels like true love and support.
‘A true Love that celebrates one another’s exquisite essence!’ How beautifully expressed Rowena.
Beautifully expressed Rowena “Once we do, we cannot help but fall truly in love with each -” and very true.
“Love that respects and honours that tenderness and does not demand anything from the other, a True Love that celebrates one another’s exquisite essence!” That is gorgeous. And it ultimately shows that we can fall in love with anyone whoever they may be.
Yes it goes for all of us, thank you Rod and thank you Gyl, for this beautifully expressed blog.
Yes an equality for tenderness in men and women is very important and makes for a magical world.
“Instead I have reacted to what’s been projected on the outside, a stereotype, a hardness, an anger, a protection, a story; all of those things which I know of men are not really true.”Yes, I feel I have bought into the illusion of their roughness, toughness and guardedness and reacted to it within myself and rejected myself also for it.
Now that is a comment that is rarely said by men, Rod, you are making inroads to equality between the sexes here which feels very empowering and turns ‘women’s lib’ on its head. If men and women are the same what do we need a war of the sexes? Why do we need inequality? What if we can recognise that we are both equally sensitive, equally gentle and equally loving, that we are all of these and more? Bring on the truth of equality and our relationships will tilt the world on its axis.
Ahh lovely points about equality between the sexes which we missed when we went for gender equality by women becoming as aggressive as the men were. Instead now we are seeing that we are equal – in our sensitivity, in our gentleness and in our love. Beautifully honouring of both men and women.
another great set of comments, and yes men and women are absolutely equal in sensitivity, tenderness and love. I feel that what is not yet fully understood is that for us to be equally women do not need to turn in to men and men not into women. We each have our own expression that beautifully complements each other and gives us natural roles in our relationships that deepens our intimacy and allows for deep loving relationships.(note: don’t confuse this with the old fashioned role models of women being at home and men bringing in the bacon)
Well said Carolien ‘we each have our own expression that beautifully complements each other’ . No need for comparison between men, between women and between sexes, just celebrating each other’s qualities.
Yes the true essence of a man is equally as sensitive as a of a woman. There are many men who are more in touch with their sensitivity than women and whom perhaps don’t know how to be this level of sensitivity around women, especially in an age when women are not honouring their sensitivity but instead trying to show their invisibility and interpret this as not being able to show emotion. It wakes one to start to drop the guard to break this cycle.
I agree we each have our own expression and the more we are simply ourselves the more the world gets to enjoy all that we bring. And yes there is a difference between men and women as well but only so far as one in the physical sense and what we are here to reflect and bring to humanity. As ultimately we are all far more than purely a man or a women.
It’s in the appreciation of the qualities in the opposite sex that we then get to appreciate more deeply the qualities of ourselves as the men and women that we are and what each sex brings to this world and therefore why we are designed the way we are with the essence that we have as man and woman.
Well said Ariana, it seems to me though that certain sections of the media, for example the tabloid press, have yet to get this message, and perpetuate this absurd notion of ‘the battle of the sexes’ or some such phrase. ‘The truth of equality’ sounds to me like a good title for a great article or blog.
The more I can except and express those qualities: gentleness, sensitivity and lovingness, in myself, the more I appreciate them in men.
So true Laura, I love this.
So very true Laura but I had not realised this until you said it. And yes, the women lib movement was absurd when women tried to be equal in man’s world. And if the “man’s world” had a foundation of tenderness there would be no need to fight to be equal as we are already held as equal when we are in our tenderness.
Great points Nikki – the need to make it in a “man’s world” in order to be equal has been pushed onto women – largely by women – and is absolutely absurd when you realise that this “man’s world” is not how men truly are – nor want to be.
Yes gorgeous Laura – I too feel that as well. I loved reading this blog Gyl. It opens up a whole new way of being with men and I imagine for men to realise that we do see this side in them and it is OK to express it and to re-connect to it.
I agree Sarah. There is a whole way of building a relationship with men when we choose to make it about acceptance of each other and the exquisite tenderness they bring.
Beautiful Laura. This is so true.
This has been my experience as well Laura, I love what you have shared here, the more I honour my sensitivity and all that it offers the more I am too deeply appreciating the sensitivity of another.
“If men and women are the same, why do we need a war of the sexes?” – absolute gold
Maybe Jen, we needed a war of the sexes to battle out the truth of who we truly are. Once this is realised, we can then begin to truly live in love and harmony with each other, without any need for competition or comparison, or putting any one sex over or above another.
Awesome declaration Ariana – how the world could be so different – to understand we are equal, instead of the war of the sexes with women seeking to emulate the imposed untrue qualities of men. Gyl has expressed the exquisiteness of how it can be between a man and a woman, to interact with love, tenderness and sensitivity. In the past I can feel this so deeply and in turn feel my own hurts and reactions to how men have distorted their qualities – now I don’t react as much but simply relate to the natural gentleness of a man, whether he exhibits it or not. A beautiful article Gyl.
Great point Ariana , thank you. And I was saddened in reading this blog about how much men’s natural tenderness is almost beaten out of them as they grow up…..they are taught to toughen up almost from the day they are born. It is a crime against humanity.
Rod, what a lovely observation! Yes both men and women in their essence are very tender, gentle and open. Notwithstanding there is much to celebrate in the essence of men and I too value, more than words can say, what men naturally bring. Put me in a room full of men who are in their essence and I am left in wonder!
Me too Michelle, the essence of man and woman is exquisite.
Absolutely Alan!
Indeed it is Alan, indeed it is.
Exactly Rod, what I discovered by observing men being tender with other men and women around me, is we all have this innate sweetness when we let our guards down. It is just gorgeous for all of us to allow ourselves to be this way with each other.
Beautifully said Rod, what we have allowed to get in the way of a men and a women is all the ideals and beliefs that have been built up over life times. Take them all away and we are naturally the same. You can see this in action when small children boys and girls play with each other they are very tender and caring.
Absolutely agree Rod there is no gap only slight variances on a theme.
Yes Rod, what a great template this is for us all. When I read this it felt like we have never really grown up and when we drop into that child like innocence we return to adoring each other, like little cherubs in heaven gently and playfully kissing each other on the cheek.