I have begun to truly love men, but not in the sense of being a crazed, man-eating woman.
Nothing to do with sex, or sexual feelings; not in the sense of looking for a partner, nothing along those lines, but the fact that I love men in their essence, as an equal, as a fellow human being who is exactly the same as me. I love what men bring to the world in a naturally sweet, loving, caring, gentle and tender way, and how the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man is in all men, not just a few.
Each day it is a joy to feel this unfold. What I love about men in their essence is just how natural this tenderness and gentleness can be, and how simply being in the presence of a true gentle-man is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world, whether it’s simply:
- A man honouring me for just being me, not what I look like, nor what I do
- Having a conversation
- Observing them
- An offer of help
- A loving gesture, or act
- An email exchange
- A hug
- A kiss or
- A gentle and tender touch.
When I experience men in this gentle, tender state of being, all hardness and or protection I may have been carrying completely drops, and I am left feeling my own exquisite tenderness, gentleness and deep care; and the fact that men are not really hard, rough and tough, but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender.
There’s been many occasions where I have been blessed to feel such lovely men, and yet at the time I have not appreciated this naturally gentle and tender way. Instead I have reacted to what’s been projected on the outside, a stereotype, a hardness, an anger, a protection, a story; all of those things which I know of men are not really true.
However the times when I have, and now do appreciate men for who they truly are, I have felt it from:
- Sharing a hug with a male friend that felt so open and amazing with no sexual feelings whatsoever.
- Having my hair gently moved out of my face with such tenderness and care it completely blew me away.
- Feeling arms wrapped around me gently with deep care.
- Hearing a man’s voice who’s living with such love and care and feeling my whole body expand.
- Having a conversation with a man who has held me as his equal with true love and care.
- Being kissed truly from love with no sexual desire. The true feeling where a kiss comes from love, and that is simply what it is, no other reason, not wanting anything, no need for sex or just wanting sex or lust, just simply love. So often affections are shown with such a strong sexual energy instead of true beauty, appreciation and love.
- Simply observing a grown man sleeping on the train, seeing the beautiful, tender and innocent young boy in him, and naturally feeling love.
- Observing how tender a man is with a baby or child.
Even last week when playfully asking a group of workmen if I could take their photo, I was left feeling how sweet, shy, gentle and lovely these men were… it was like watching a group of beautiful young boys at play, not something we normally equate with the stereotype of a workman.
What I am coming to feel is that under the hard exteriors that many men have built to protect themselves are the most naturally loving and caring men, but they have learned somewhere in life to not show this and hide it away.
Maybe it’s been in the playground or at the school gates, when beautiful young boys are told to wipe their tears away, to ‘man-up’, be tough, to not be a sissy or a girl, or stop being gay. Maybe it’s all the role models, the media, the ideals and beliefs that a man is rough, rugged, muscular, hard, tough, has to fight or compete his way through life, and that to talk, to share how you feel, to be open, express, to cry, to be love, to be sensitive, gentle and tender is not how a real man should be.
But what if these beliefs and ideals were a lie to keep men from knowing who they truly are and sharing their tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity with the world? What would happen if we allowed men to be this way?
Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be. Without saying anything or having any expectations I can observe, feel and appreciate the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man, even if it’s not what he’s choosing to be at that particular moment, and that all men are as equally tender and gentle as any woman or child can be.
With love and thanks to Serge Benhayon, Curtis Benhayon and Michael Benhayon, for they are without doubt amazing, truly loving and tender role models for all men; and to Universal Medicine for all they present, live and share, and to all the truly beautiful, tender and gentle-men out there.
By Gyl Rae, Student and waitress, Scotland
710 Comments
This is a cracking blog Gyl. Both men and women are deeply lost and most are a long way away from living the true man or woman that they are. And yes I agree, Serge, Michael and Curtis Benhayon are three amazing role models of what any man can choose to be.
We are all lost in the wilderness of Who We Are Not whilst the truth of who we all are remains intact within us all.
I have always loved being around men but I have realised recently that I was very rarely my true self when I was with them; that there was a layer of protection around me that kept me ‘safe’, just in case. Over the last few years I have loved observing the changes in many men that I know as they let go of their layers of protection and reconnect to the beautifully tender beings that they naturally are. And these days when I am with men I am now able to let go of all that was holding me back from them and in doing so letting them truly see me.
Absolutely Gyl, I agree, on the surface there’s a roughness and toughness you can see, but it’s really nothing compared to the care, warmth and tenderness that is there. Just one deeper look at the men around me and I can see it so easily – everything is so naturally there. Your words here inspire me not to wait, and to choose to let these qualities out today.
I used to be really weary of men, thinking that it was not possible to have a true friendship because sexual energy would get in the way, however I have deepened my love and trust within myself and now have some amazing male friendships. which continue to grow each day.
I love this Gyl ‘…but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender.’ – it is so true and it highlights how wrong we currently have it in our understanding to be of what strength and power is. When a man lives in connection to his tender qualities within, he brings to the world and all he meets a beholding love that honors and reflects the truth, that real strength is being the love we are, and this is our true power.
Love this Carola, and its so true. Real strength and true power are completely the opposite of what this world has painted them to be and which we have all succumbed to. The world’s defined them as coming with a great deal of force but true power comes with pure gentleness and love.
Such a beautiful blog in appreciation of men. I’m not sure that men generally realise what a joy it is for us to be treated with gentleness and tenderness and what’s more realise how awesome it is for them to treat themselves and each other in this way too.
I’ve recently attended a retreat in the UK and the men were greeting each other with hugs and kisses, it was so lovely to see instead of the crushing hand shakes that jars the body. The men were just as tender as the women so exquisite to observe.
It’s very healing for everyone to have tender, sensitive, open, and caring men in their lives – it makes you wonder why we work so hard to change boys and men into the very thing that harms society?
Thank you Gyl, reading this is very healing. The stereotypes we men feel obliged to follow in life are not representative of our gorgeous tenderness and it is very beautiful to feel and reconnect with this innateness, shedding the erroneous ‘skins’ we have chosen in the past. Reading blog posts such as this one are truly supportive of this process/choice.
This blog is amazing, confirming the true nature of men, allowing them to be all that they are.
Whilst I have become more and more aware of the similarity between women and men at our core, there are some significant differences. It’s easy to contemplate these as a point of contention and pain between the two sexes. When you look at our history it seems to be that as men we especially have been responsible for a great deal of the war and abuse you see in the world. But if we look just for a moment, as you do Gyl without any of this baggage, we really are beautiful, tender, warm and so very caring. Yes there is more we could openly let out – but perhaps we will when we finally see ourselves free of our pasts with true appreciation and an open heart? If this is the case, embracing Love begins with embracing ourselves.
“Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be.” It is our ideals and beliefs that has shaped men and women to be the way they are in this world, but when we connect to the true essence of each other we connect and feel the deep sensitivity and tenderness that lies within the heart of every man, so beautiful to feel this coming through in our men.
It’s a great point about appreciation of boys and men also, for if we all truly appreciated each other for the qualities we hold we would never try to change or mould children or adults into something else. As human beings we tend to dismiss what’s true and beautiful and then down the line when we see the damage done of not cherishing and preserving what’s beautiful we then realise what we have had. We then might start appreciating, but why wait, why not start with appreciation as our foundation for relationships?
Tenderness is a quality that is innate to all men, and much underrated. The strength of men is imbued with their tenderness, and through that they can be more of who they are in everything they do.
It is so lovely to be with a man when he is open gentle and tender as all the falseness, ideals and beliefs between males and females just is not there, and we are left to just share our beautiful selves.
“When I experience men in this gentle, tender state of being, all hardness and or protection, I may have been carrying, completely drops, and I am left feeling my own exquisite tenderness” In pondering on this blog, I begin to wonder if maybe many women avoid doing this as it makes themselves begin to feel vulnerable and they begin to feel their own exquisite tenderness. The hardness and protection dropping away can feel unnatural for many. Maybe too truly intimate?
Gyl, you have exposed so many of the experiences I have had with men that have narrowed and twisted my understanding of the true that lies within all men. There is a beautiful sensitivity and tenderness that can be experienced in situations that so naturally arises in men that others feel so held in. Thank you so much for this blog reminding us all and honouring the innate truth of what lies within no matter our gender.
Yes, truly surrendering to a man in a relationship and letting in the love that they offer, can be challenging, as there is a tendency to push them away or react and then not read what they are truly offering from the heart. The biggest gift you can give to a man/another, is your true self as anything less, is like a rejection for them.
I was talking to a man recently who is extremely tender and he shared that in the past in relationships women would often get annoyed or reactive when he was tender with them and then reject this. He shared that women can find it difficult to accept when a man truly loves them and treats them well. As a woman, I can totally relate to this and how you really need to love and accept yourself to be able to embrace a man who truly adores you.
Women share the responsibility to appreciate and express appreciation for men when they choose to be with their natural tenderness.
It may seem that the most evil acts are those we commonly know as murder, rape, violence, abuse, terror and many more to name but a few of the multitude that prevail today. But more evil than this is the propagation of ideals and beliefs about us that are simply not true. Such as those about men being tough and hard when they naturally are simply not that. These acts are the ones we do not even realise hold us in a prison away from embracing life.
I couldn’t agree more Joshua, what is also a crime is how some women have shut down towards men and carry the ideals and beliefs that some men are a waste of time – I know I used to hold this belief, and if it was not for having some examples of how tender men can be, and are so by nature, I would have gone to my grave having never experienced how gentle, caring and naturally tender men are underneath all of the protection.
Wise words Joshua Campbell. When we skew our perception of men away from their innate tenderness and love, we need to consider what impact this has on how they live and express in the world.
Thank you Joshua, the “evil” acts of murder and rape etc are the end result of an energy, and whilst on the surface an ideal or belief may seem harmless compared to a rape, the ideals and beliefs are actually the foundations from which these brutal acts stem from. Believing that we need to mould boys away from their naturally tender, sensitive and gentle natures into hardness and toughness is a prime example of this.
‘…what if these beliefs and ideals were a lie to keep men from knowing who they truly are and sharing their tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity with the world?… ‘ What a travesty that we have allowed if not blatantly encouraged this shutting down in men. And what a disaster for us women to ourselves aspire to ‘keep up’ with the false male ideals so prolific in our world. We all need to return to our natural tenderness, gentleness and sensitivity – we are more alike than not!
I understand it, but is a travesty upon society that women should distrust men in the first place, and it is a travesty on the state that men have allowed to get themselves to that we talk of the need for men to open up and reveal their caring nature.
Thank you Gyl for the reminder of what the true qualities of a man are, deeply tender and gentle. It’s brings back into perspective that the actions I receive from others that may be aggressive, harsh, sexual etc are not truly who that man is. I feel that pinning these harsh and abusive ways onto men as if they are that only helps to engrain that belief that they are to be that.
It is so beautiful as a woman being met by a loving tender man. For me knowing the Benhayon men has been deeply healing and has taught me the value and beauty in myself. They inspire me in so many ways.
Men are not really hard, rough and tough, but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender. This is what I love about men also Gyl, it’s a truly gorgeous quality that men are just so good at, when left to be themselves. It’s very Beautiful to feel.
Thanks for honoring me, us, Gyl, for the men we truly are. I know I am that, but boy oh boy have I been shaped by many believes. Believes I am letting go of one by one, becauseI know they make me live, and even have formed my body, in a way that is not me.
I agree Gyl, men are so tender underneath the protective exterior. Every word you have written brings us one step closer to fully appreciating this truth. I met a most tender man today who has lived in protection all his life. His sensitivity is exquisite and yet he lives hardened because of 50 years of believing that his sensitivity is unacceptable to the world, Appreciation of men is vital to break these barriers down and to truly embrace the tenderness of men. Men and women have such an important part in this process.
It is so lovely to be able to just see someone in the essence of who they are, no matter what outplay may be going on around that. For that is the truth, and it is always there to be seen if we let it, and it starts with knowing ourselves in that moment too.
If we look at men as something that can fulfil our needs, we miss out on the natural and true qualities of who that man really is. Having a picture of what they are to be (and how) is pretty much a straight out rejection of everything that man is.
Thank you Gyl, that is so true: ‘Each time I allow myself to feel and appreciate and love men in this way is the time I open to let go of another layer of how I and the world have shaped how a man should be. ‘
Its how we make them to be, or how we have allowed our once young men, and still young men (all ages) – to expect to be. Even if that meant not saying anything. That is why it is so important to have the subject raised and talked by all about it , so that we can turn the tide! Which is needed by us all to choose.
Gyl you break the norm here and share how deeply we can love and appreciate men for their true qualities. I love how you have shared this comes through the tenderness of a hug or the way they talk etc – when traditionally it would have been about how hunky or muscly they were. But this is at the expense of a tough man inside and out. Then men I know today, like you, are gentle and tender and this feels so loving to be around. It shows me that it is possible for men to be open and loving and in this, we get a man’s true expression – which is so beautiful.
When any relationship is built on love first, regardless of gender there is a true connection, that can be built on as a friend, work colleague or lover.
“fact that men are not really hard, rough and tough, but they carry such a beautiful and exquisite strength in being sensitive and tender.” I agree, when we allow our selves to just feel and watch men in their essence you are able to see the tenderness and gentleness of them. I have been so fortunate to experience that with quite a few men I know including my husband who has an incredible tenderness about him and his gentle touch.
Gorgeous to read, this is deeply confirming the qualities that all men know and desperately crave for to express.
Gyl, this is a beautiful blog, I have found that the hardest looking men are really soft underneath, and I remember the first time I spoke to some bikers in a cafe, in order to pick up my tea I had ordered, I was blown away by how lovely and gentle they were in their manner towards me, when I was anticipating the exact opposite.
It is beautiful to see and feel a man who is truthfully himself. A man who will express himself the way he feels it is precious indeed.
I love the image that goes with this blog. It oozes tenderness and whilst I’m not a man, it makes me feel safe to be tender in this world. I know an increasing number of men who are not holding back their tenderness in the world, and women and men alike love it. Sure it may press some people’s buttons but it seems everyone is craving for men to express their tenderness.
“What I am coming to feel is that under the hard exteriors that many men have built to protect themselves are the most naturally loving and caring men, but they have learned somewhere in life to not show this and hide it away.” I so agree, once you get beneath the tough exterior that many men have been taught to display, they can be as tender as any woman.
‘Without saying anything or having any expectations I can observe, feel and appreciate the natural tenderness and gentleness of a man, even if it’s not what he’s choosing to be at that particular moment, and that all men are as equally tender and gentle as any woman or child can be.’ – brilliantly said. I love what you are presenting here Gyl as it is so true, we all hold the responsibility of how we meet each other, with who they in the essence, regardless of what behaviours are presenting. As underneath it all there is a quality of tenderness that we all crave to be, and be met with.
We are all naturally tender in our essence, but many still choose to live behind walls of protection, and so we do not get to feel their exquisite tenderness. I have been letting go of these supposedly protective walls and allowing my tender and delicate true self to be seen, and so reflecting another way to live. As more and more of us are choosing this so we show the world how much more delicious this is.