I remember growing up as a young boy and watching people around me, particularly the men. My first role model was my Dad. He was a strong man with big arms who worked really hard and when I was with him I felt safe. I remember learning from him that I needed to work hard so that I could look after my family. Financial security was important to him because he didn’t have that for himself throughout his whole life and I remember him saying it was advice that his Dad had given to him when he was growing up.
Role Models Growing Up
As I grew up I watched other men and looked at what they did and how people responded to them, modelling myself on how some of the men around me acted. I could see that some were recognised for what they did – some were held up as heroes for what they did and others became famous for what they did… it seemed to me that everyone was identified in some way for what they did. I took note of how and why it worked for them and then I would try it for myself.
As I grew into a teenager I realised that younger boys were also modelling themselves on me – even at a young age I could see that I had a big responsibility in this. At times I would ignore this responsibility and ‘act my age’, but if I were to be honest I would always see someone looking up to me, no matter what age I was. How I was or how I chose to be always had an influence on others around me; the only question was whether I wanted to accept that fact or not.
I did my best to always do the ‘right’ thing but sometimes I found this exhausting, and at other times I didn’t live up to what I thought I should be doing or saying. I would change the way I did things the moment someone reacted badly – I wanted everyone to be happy with what I did and to see me as a ‘good person’.
This is how everyone saw my Dad when I was growing up – I heard everyone speak about him and saying he was a ‘nice bloke’ or a ‘good man’; at times they added something negative as well. I wanted people to say this about me too, without the negatives, so I took on board what they said and tried to model myself to be perfect or better than my Dad.
As I grew up I realised there was a flaw in the way I was doing things.
I was constantly trying to keep everyone happy and be the person I thought everyone wanted me to be. It seemed to me what people wanted from me was constantly changing and that what they would see as a ‘good man’ one day, would change the next. I found it harder and harder to live up to the expectations I put on myself.
It was like I could live to be a ‘good man’ for a period of time and ride a wave of people being pleased, but then I would fall off the wave with one bad comment or feeling and I would be depressed or upset for a period of time before I would change how I was so that this didn’t ever happen again… only to do this cycle over and over again.
I could see what I was doing didn’t work – my approach was flawed in some way.
Trying to be a ‘Better’ Man
I watched other men around me and could see everyone had their own method or way of trying to be a ‘better’ man. It seemed like we were all trying to learn from each other: it was like no one really knew what they were doing but would watch each other and if what one man did worked, then others would replicate it for themselves in their own way. It was as if men were guarding what they were doing but also looking sideways to others for something that was ‘better’.
When I was growing up the role models I looked up to never seemed to be consistent in how they lived. For example, I looked up to many sportsmen who were great at sports but their personal lives often seemed to be in turmoil. So I looked at them and realised that I only liked the parts of their lives that worked, I didn’t really like the whole package. I just allowed myself to see the part of their lives that I liked – such as the money and fame – while choosing to ignore the parts that didn’t work.
I have seen many role models who are always looking for some type of acceptance and recognition from the outside world whether for money, fame, or a title of some sort. I have come to realise that this is the exhausting part – when I was looking for this recognition I felt there was a lot of pressure on me. Once I felt I had gained a place in the world or the recognition I needed, I wanted to hold onto it.
I placed these role models above me and tried to get to where they were at, whether it was being successful, wealthy, or popular. I didn’t really mind how I got there, it was just about getting there. When I got there I wanted to stay there and rest and hold onto what I had just achieved. If I didn’t get there I would get upset and feel like a failure; until after some time I saw something else that seemingly worked better and I would chase that in the same way… in a never ending cycle.
A True Role Model
I have come to the understanding that a true role model is someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living. This change is then lived every day, and not just in one part of their life – it changes in every part of their life.
A true role model does not put on a show or a facade. By living this way and making a change, people feel it as it is, not just as a spoken thing but something that we bring into our body – it’s solid. With this I have found I don’t feel exhausted and it is not something I have to keep up with or constantly be better at, it is all in the way I live in each moment. I don’t have a public face and then a face for my friends and another one for my family. The face I have is a constant through all areas of my life.
We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.
I am a role model, as are all fathers. I see how my children look at me and I watch what they do afterwards: I hear the way they speak and know they are watching everything I do. I don’t tell my children one thing and then do another thing myself. I live what I say first and then I don’t really have to say it at all. I have found that if I do my best to do or say what I feel in any moment then I am better prepared for whatever comes next. This is the way I choose to live and I can see the powerful effect this has had on my family and those around me. It may sound simple – because it is that simple. In this way of living it almost feels in a way that I am a role model by default. This is because the focus isn’t on anything else but the moment I am in.
My children are role models for each other and for me. I watch how the children interact, how they show each other what they do and don’t like. I see how they watch and learn from each other. I have learnt a lot from watching my children, so while I am a role model for them they are in turn equally role models for me.
In the past I assumed being a role model was some kind of achievement… now I can see that it is an ongoing relationship between people.
We can all be and we all are role models in our own way. I have found that in every relationship there is something to learn. In every interaction, whether at home with my wife and children, at work with customers, at a function with friends or at the service station getting petrol, there is something for me to reflect on.
Too often I have looked at the most popular person, the strongest person, the richest person to model myself on, but really we all have a role to play in life at different times.
True role models are everyday people doing everyday things.
I have tried to avoid what seems to be unavoidable and pretend that I didn’t care what I did and not take the full responsibility I have for every part of my life. On the other hand I have also spent years trying to live up to an ideal of what I thought was good and right.
It seems to me now that being a role model is simply about taking responsibility for the choices I make in life, and choosing to be as honest as I can be, without trying to be perfect, and then seeing how everything I do affects those around me in one way or another.
A true role model for me has been Serge Benhayon. I watch what he does and how he does it and I am continually touched and inspired. There is no end to how this one man can do so much, but it is how he does it that is the inspiring part. The overwhelmingly consistent care I see from him with everyone he meets is truly out of this world. When he speaks and when I watch him I can feel the difference: this is not a man who just talks, this is a man who has walked and lived everything he talks. I have seen the effect this has on people and the respect he has because of the way he lives.
I am inspired by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and The Way of The Livingness – true role models who inspire me to be the real me.
By Raymond Karam, Man, father and business owner, Goonellabah, NSW
Further Reading:
Serge Benhayon, an Amazing Role Model
Being an Elder Role Model
Serge Benhayon, A True Role Model
Thank you Ray, as we can all learn to live and be non-imposing on others, and simply be a loving reflection, from the way we live in the most consistent way possible.
A role model is someone who is not trying to attract recognition for what they do but in the consistent and steady loving way that is who they are.
Absoulutely Mary, as we reflect what we are living and thus set an example that we consistently live.
“We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.”Hear hear Ray so well said, this is a sentence as a society we need to learn from and reflect on.
A role model indeed who inspires by his movements that align to his words is Serge Benhayon
A man can become ill and loaded by his own ideas of what he think he should be, as a society we place a massive burden on our young men to become a type of man that in truth is not real and has no real integrity.
Interestingly Anonymous I was chatting with a group of men recently and the conversation centered on how they know that the expectations society places on them is unrealistic and that they are not encouraged to share what they are really feeling. It was a great conversation to be having with them because they did open up about the demands and burdens they feel and sad too because no one really listens to them or if they do there is that attitude to toughen up and not be pathetic.
This article is a great reminder of our responsibility in life, we are all role models and so what are we role-modelling to our children and those in our communities.
Raymond, this is a great article about role models, it makes me realise in society how much we associate role models with a ‘doing’ and achieving something, whereas reading this I can feel that a true role model can be each and everyone of us and it is about how we live, not how famous we are or what we achieve.
Yes, trying to please people and live up to their expectations doesn’t work, is exhausting, and dishonouring of ourselves, ‘I was constantly trying to keep everyone happy and be the person I thought everyone wanted me to be. It seemed to me what people wanted from me was constantly changing and that what they would see as a ‘good man’ one day, would change the next.’
“I found it harder and harder to live up to the expectations I put on myself.” A true role model is someone who inspires to be who you are.
It keeps life much simpler, just living who we truly are in our fullness and bringing this with us wherever we are, knowing we naturally inspire those around us.
Self judgement is a killer Mary, and the sooner we nip it in the bud the sooner we can become more Loving in the way we Live and thus be inspired by others as you have shared.
The greatest man in this world is the one who honours to the hilt what he feels in his heart and accepts his true responsibility and power. He is the complete antithesis of blame culture.
The more we deepen our relationships with others the more we allow the true modelling to unfold. There is no textbook, guide or go to sheet but a willingness to explore without perfection what life offers us to deepen at any given moment.
Serge along with his family are the most inspiring role models one could ever hope to come across, we are truly blessed to experience the love and truth lived by this family.
Serge Benhayon and his family are indeed incredibly inspiring, I am so appreciative to have this family in our world, and in my life.
We get a lot praise for being a good girl or boy when we’re young, which sets us up for wanting to be ‘good’ people- i.e. measure up to external expectations of how we think we should or need to be, to gain acceptance and recognition by others around us. But what if true good was just being who we are, holding steady and true to that? That is what supports and inspires others to choose that for themselves.
I so remember always being asked to be a good girl it was a mantra, but I had no idea what it meant because one persons view of good was different from someone else’s and so it got quite confusing and then no one is pleased or satisfied. I could feel the disappointment from people who expected me to be so much more. It’s a bit like wearing a heavy overcoat that has tickets on it of what is expected by the different people I met they all have different needs of how they wanted me to be. The overcoat weighs down so much all I can think about is the weight. I have completely forgotten there’s me under the coat. I feel I’m not the only one who lives like this.
A true role model is someone who inspires someone to make changes within themselves. There’s nothing about being a role model that means others follow or copy.. no true change ever happens that way, because it’s not based on our own experience or learning.
I wonder how much being a good man is doing what other people tell us? They may be right or wrong but it sounds exhausting.
This can be debilitating to keep trying to be better, good, right and uphold an idea of who we are, not let people down etc. It is great to be steady, consistent and supportive, but to keep trying to hold everyone else up and not make ‘mistakes’ in the process is exhausting. We need to be honest that we are all learning and not perfect and we can be supporting each other.
Men have the amazing capacity to make us feel safe and cared for when they let their guard down and allow those qualities of tenderness adds strength be shown
This is exactly it….”I have come to the understanding that a true role model is someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living.” This is how I have been inspired to change, from the inside out, from observing others claiming who they are and not holding back, you know without doubt that you can choose it for yourself as well.
I was talking to a male friend recently who was sharing this same thing, that he found that he was caught up in trying to please everyone and in this he did not feel like he knew himself, he felt like he was unsure of how he actually felt about things and was needing to start exploring this for himself.
Yes, neither pleasing everyone, nor reacting to everyone or trying to dominate everyone works. All leave us and others deeply unfulfilled.
I can observe people every day and find inspiration in their movements. They need not say anything or interact with me, but how they move touches me.
I agree inspiration can come in any moment if we are open to it, we all have something to share with each other and it does not need to be spoken.
So frequently inspiration is not spoken, ‘I watch what he does and how he does it and I am continually touched and inspired’
We write essays with our walk, speak volumes with our talk and the way we hold ourselves can be read like a book. We are constantly communicating so much everyday we’d be wise to ensure we have something loving to say. Thank you for the inspiration Ray.
I agree that we have more influence on each other than we perhaps realise or admit.
I recently had a young boy share with me the important role that his male teacher played in his life. The boy did not have contact with his father and this male teacher for him was an important role model. The teacher offered him guidance, support and a fatherly way that was very needed for the boy and it meant a lot to him but he also had this idea that it was ‘bad’ to love him or share with him how important this relationship was to him. I confirmed in him that it was actually a very normal thing to look to an adult for guidance, support and nurturing and it is okay to want that and embrace it in your life.
When we take responsibility for our choices a whole new world opens up for us because responsibility is love.
The truth is, that we all can be, indeed we must be, role models, to take on the responsibility of what this truly means, and then to live in this way.
A role model is a role model because of the quality they express, not because they have done or achieved something.
What we are all looking for in life is love. With our every cell we know deep down when we see people living the truth. It’s these people like you Ray or Serge Benhayon we should observe and understand how loving energy works.
If there’s a good, there must be a bad. They seem then so black and white. But what I’ve been seeing recently is these two ‘polar opposites’ are interlinked and actually the same. Everything in life that presents is just part of our learning. Thinking anything is better than anything else is just a big but ancient trap. Thanks Ray for this supportive and honest blog and helping me to see that.
It wasn’t until meeting Serge Benhayon that I understood how powerful we can be as role models because we are constantly watching and feeling each other’s quality and choices. Because everything was a blur and mashed together I didn’t see the impact one person can make to the world until I met this man living with such clarity and integrity.
Thank you Ray very well written — I am touched. This is an extensive writing on what it is to be a role model. It’s true how important we all are and what we reflect no more or less than each other. It is also to note when the truth is represented we feel it and thus the inspiration is born and the awe can be lived.
Trying to keep other people happy never works!!! Great blog I think we forget just how much of an influence we have on people through our livingness (expression, walk, behaviour, whether we are consistent or not etc) and this is really important. This is not to say that we should be ‘something’ or ‘someone’ for others but more be true to ourselves first and foremost.
Doing the right thing and being the man you are expected to be does get exhausting. It’s so much easier to just be true to yourself and this is where our greatest integrity and moral compass lays.
I am inspired by what you share Ray. There is a massive mentality amongst men that dictate the macho bravado that is the expected norm most men adopt themselves to. This way of living is failing us as the health states clearly indicate and hence the great importance and responsibility of what we are modelling to others.
“I found it harder and harder to live up to the expectations I put on myself.” There is a lot of discussion about ‘fake news’ these days and we can add to this false creation when we choose not to be who we truly are.
Yes Willem, what is the reflection we are offering all of the time, not just when you think you are ‘on’
“We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” This is a grounding and inspiring sentence. It takes away all need and the exhaustion that comes from ‘turning it on’ when you think you are it and it is needed, and turning it off when you think you are home and ‘off-duty’!
If doing the right thing means being at the expense of ourselves we in truth deliver nothing to another.
We are whole human beings and because of this we can never separate nor categorize ourselves into parts thinking that some parts are more important than others because they always all feed back to the whole.
What you say about Serge is so true, he lives and breathes what he talks, he is not just for show and that is truly inspiring. Role models who live with gentleness and harmlessness to others, who are committed and engaged with life and are not afraid to walk who they are, are so needed. We can all be that by accepting ourselves and living transparently without apology.
I also felt especially those around me were inspired by me from a very young age but didn’t know how to handle it because there were thoughts telling me that because they were older they should know more and better than me! Since meeting Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I am learning to accept that I have much to offer and inspire but also I have much to learn and be inspired by everyone I come across in my life too… it is a forever opening and deepening of the relationship I have to myself.
We are role models all of the time, whether we like it or not, the question is what kind of role model are we being and how do we inspire another and what are we inspiring in them?
“I did my best to always do the ‘right’ thing but sometimes I found this exhausting, and at other times I didn’t live up to what I thought I should be doing or saying. I would change the way I did things the moment someone reacted badly – I wanted everyone to be happy with what I did and to see me as a ‘good person’.” – Ray this is a very familiar scenario for me too in growing up and in my adult years. In fact I recall one time in my teens deciding to do something for the first time that was not in an attempt to pleasing someone else, but I went with what felt right for me – and the anger that came at me from that person was an eye opener for me. Sadly it taught me that when you choose for yourself, you risk the wrath of another! And so life has been about learning to undo this habit and trusting myself and learning to keep feeling and expressing from a truth rather than from pleasing another.
I love what Ray has written here but at the same time I can see how it can be slightly confusing to make a true choice, because as a man most experiences in society are pulling us towards the stereotypes and modelling behaviour that is not that caring. It takes commitment to care for yourself and offer a representation of a man that is living what is right for himself and displaying genuine care and affection in doing so, quite possibly with a discipline that may not always be popular.
I got from reading this today of how linked and connected we really are. We are all role models for each other, in each and every moment, and then the question is – what kind of role model are we? What do we reflect to another?
Thank you Ray , I found and find the role models that are presented by the world are always looking for approval , they are looking to be confirmed by the media and this is an on going situation for them.
I love that you are not pretending or adding to the notion that there is a formula or rule book for being a role model… that actually what you are inspiring and inviting us to consider is that it is about the quality with which we take care of and value ourselves and are prepared to learn along the way.
We are extremely fortunate to have such beautiful, strong and clear male roles in our midst, and we can now start to raise our children free of stereotypes and roles
“I don’t have a public face and then a face for my friends and another one for my family. The face I have is a constant through all areas of my life.” This is an inspiringly powerful statement.
“It was like I could live to be a ‘good man’ for a period of time and ride a wave of people being pleased, but then I would fall off the wave with one bad comment or feeling and I would be depressed or upset for a period of time before I would change how I was so that this didn’t ever happen again… only to do this cycle over and over again.” This is a perpetual cycle of untruth.
“I did my best to always do the ‘right’ thing but sometimes I found this exhausting, and at other times I didn’t live up to what I thought I should be doing or saying. I would change the way I did things the moment someone reacted badly – I wanted everyone to be happy with what I did and to see me as a ‘good person’.” This is so common throughout society. It is no wonder we are all exhausted – trying to be good. Looking deep inside – and discovering that truth is where its at – was a revelation for me. Accepting, appreciating and loving ourselves – then the need for approval from outside can dissolve away.
This is very interesting subject, calling on our responsibility in life. We are being watched and seen. Being a role model knows no end.
Yes there is always a quality of reflection being felt from all around us.
Raymond, I remember trying this in the past; ‘I took note of how and why it worked for them and then I would try it for myself.’ If someone seemed popular and people seemed to listen to them then I would try to copy their behaviour, this never worked as it left me feeling empty and not true. Nowadays I have deepened my self acceptance and love for myself and so rather than copying other people I am finding what my true way of expressing and being is, I am inspired by others but always come back to what feels true for me.
Thank you Ray, it’s so draining and exhausting to live hanging on what others think. Apart from the literal, physical impact and cost the greatest shame is that others do not get to see the real you, the genuine me, and then what we call friendships and relationships fall apart, feel shallow and do not work. We say we can’t make them change – but as you show us isn’t that simply because we are hiding from our responsibility to nurture ourselves?
I see so many relationships fail because there is a mismatch of what we are showing and living versus who we truly are. If we chose to honour who we are before we got into relationships the exhaustion of keeping up appearances would not be there and there would be greater freedom to live who we are with each other.
“True role models are everyday people doing everyday things.” They are not necessarily the rich, famous, successful or even the leaders sometimes, they are everyday people who stay true to themselves, true to the love they are and if you are open to it you will see them in many pockets of your life, just going about their daily living – walking their talk. I am forever appreciating the fact that I have had so many amazing role models in my life and, to the best of my ability, live with a choice to live true to myself too, to show it is possible for anyone else to do.
Ray as you have shared Serge Benhayon is a role model as are you, and the loving caring energy that is so simply lived by the two of you, is inspiring. Fathering energy can come from anyone, and is such blessing when it shines its light, so everyone can see the reflection.
It’s true that there is a lot that is not right about the ideas we have of what a ‘true man’ should be. It is not about us giving up or giving free reign to our fancies. But just that what define as a true ‘true man’ isn’t the things we do but energetic quality we choose. We don’t have to do anything as you show Ray, but if we choose to live in a certain way that maintains our care, our warmth, our open heart we start to see the true person we are. That’s brilliant to me.
Beautiful Ray, your words here have helped me understand a situation I have just found myself in. The idea of things that are ‘good’ to do, can be very seductive, especially when others encourage you to go ahead. But ultimately if it is not true then all it does is cause us harm.
Being ill, unemployed, or alone there is no situation where we are not able to role model Love, and it has nothing to do with how we perform.
The ideal of being a better man has been instilled in society as a badge of honour, but it disallows the self-care and self-love so desperately needed for men.
Looking around at the other men to see how to be a ‘man’ is like cheating from the guy who hasn’t studied for the exam. It really is a case of the blind leading the blind; constantly adjusting who you are to see if this is ‘it’ and avoiding rejection of any form. It is only when we start to look inside for the truth of who we are that we can be a solid and true role model. Ray is a great example of this, showing other men that they can be themselves and this is true success. We need these everyday role models, as the fantasy role models that actors and sports stars portray just don’t relate to us and are far from true. We will always be left feeling false and less if that is what we aspire to.
What you mentioned about how you would feel good as long as people would like you and not see anything negative about you is something that sounds so exhausting and so self critical. It is good to see this as I can see how I have done this to myself so so many times. Sometimes you need a strong reflection like that to see how intense your own behaviour is.
The trap of being a better person is one that catches many of us. It assumes we are already somehow broken or not enough and that our job is to become better. This is in conflict with the truth that is we are already enough, we are amazing and wonderful at the core of who we are. There may be areas of our life that we are not being who we are, are not expressing the wonderfulness we are, are neglecting ourselves, and all these need to be worked on. But, and its a big “but” – we cannot approach any development from thinking we are broken, we must allow ourselves the grace to assume and appreciate we are already enough while we go about resurrecting ourselves in whatever area of life we want to develop or improve in.
“I am inspired by Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and The Way of The Livingness – true role models who inspire me to be the real me.” There are no greater role models and their greatest inspiration is to inspire one to be “the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.”
No wonder so many of us are exhausted, all that trying to be good and perfect to so many people ! It is inspiring how you have shifted to being at ease in your own skin, effortlessly yourself.
I feel that being a ‘nice’ man is quite big for many. My Dad was a nice man but rarely spoke about how he truly felt. He would always do what was right but in this I can feel that it was a role that he felt he needed to play. He would be worried about the wrath that would come back at him if he did express or expose something. It is great to bust open the myth of ‘nice’ and how this is considered ‘good’ and whether this actually supports us all.
It’s so interesting how easily we can give our power away to a ‘pin up’ woman or man and want to replicate how they are… with out seeing how they are really living! Is it that we are easily fooled or do we welcome the distraction away from true responsibility and inspiration to be all we are?
“I did my best to always do the ‘right’ thing but sometimes I found this exhausting, and at other times I didn’t live up to what I thought I should be doing or saying.” So many of us have done this – regardless of gender. Doing the ‘right thing’, being ‘good’ or ‘nice’, making life ‘better’ doesn’t cut it. Having true role models instead is inspiring and we are all role models – some more inspiring than others.
Coming back to this blog after another successful Girl To Woman Festival http://www.girltowoman.com.au/ where the theme was “Whose Role Model Are You”. It would seem and as is said in the body of this blog, “True role models are everyday people doing everyday things.” We always hold a view that things like this are somehow greater than us or above us and yet here you have it. No matter where you stand or who you are, you are a role model.
It’s a really great point Ray – why look up to and model life on people who are not living everyday life. Seems like a set-up to constantly feel less or inadequate in comparison to movie stars and pop stars.
True models are so needed in this world to truly live what they inspire. This is the only inspiration in the world.
Ray, the first part of this sentence is key to how most of us in society are conditioned to live, and the second part of the sentence reveals how it makes us feel: “I did my best to always do the ‘right’ thing but sometimes I found this exhausting, and at other times I didn’t live up to what I thought I should be doing or saying.”
Too many roles are being played out at the expense of not living as the beautiful people that we naturally are. To ‘find oneself’ again amongst this conditioning is indeed a gift worth more than GOLD.
So many pearls of wisdom in this blog, the is one of them. “I have come to the understanding that a true role model is someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living. This change is then lived every day, and not just in one part of their life – it changes in every part of their life.’
What you present here Ray, to me is the science of Role Models and that is that everybody in fact is a role model for anyone who is inspired by the reflection that is given to them from our expression. When we fully understand that we have this role in life we do also understand that there is a responsibility to it, as we can either harm or heal by the way we express ourselves through life.
So true Nico and that takes us to another level of responsibility. I am humbled by the fact it is not about what we say or do but about how we live and the reflection that offers another without even opening our mouths. I will carry this more consciously with me today thank you.
‘Walking the talk’ and how important this line can be when applied to all aspects of our lives. The blog and comments come back to movement and not just in one area of excellence but in all areas. That is where a true role model like Serge Benhayon shines, it’s not a ticking of a box exercise or to be liked but a movement or a dedication that every movement counts towards the whole. Not only does he leave no stone unturned but takes a great care in how he is with the stone. This is not a perfection or right or wrong thing but more a whole picture. We live life with eyes on a part, for some it’s having children, a great job, a house, a car, a footy team etc and very few of us live every part of life with a dedication simply to the movement. Serge Benhayon shows me how possible this is in a world that doesn’t reflect this way itself. It’s not go to the world to fit in but more move first in your true quality and those things that are not from that quality will stand out. Many things have come from this blog which is a movement as well, let’s open up to movement not only being something you walk to or touch. It includes, talking, listening, writing and even thinking. Movement refers to energy and anytime (which is all the time) energy is being used, this is a movement. We all can take a deeper care with how we move, in every way.
‘We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do’ Rarely are mentors and managers chosen for the qualities they bring, usually the choice is based solely on what they have achieved in business or other industry field.
‘It seems to me now that being a role model is simply about taking responsibility for the choices I make in life…’ Brilliant! This is all we can do, to the best of our ability.
We see so many people making choices that affect so many people and then just walk away from it all. Taking responsibility for what we choose is so unbelievably important to living a life of integrity.
One of the most beautiful aspects of Universal Medicine is that , innately, through what is presented, men are encouraged to redefine themselves, not into any idealistic template, but into the true and tender beings they actually all are.
What has been shared in this blog is the truth we can come to in developing relationships that are real and call us to deepen our support for one another. There are so many external factors that can pressure us into having to act and be a certain way. Change comes with no perfection and when this is accepted without judgement and criticism the ability to flourish is boundless.
Ray its’ so incredible to read your post and reflect for myself what role model I am, will I be someone that shows the world life is about being better and being recognised or am I someone who will show the world that life is about being true. True to ourselves and humanity overall. The difference is vast and for me I never had true role models growing up and can see my responsibility in being a true role model not only for kids but for everyone as we can always be a role model for anyone of any age living in any location.
“We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” When we drop the striving to be recognised for what we do and live our true selves we may become a true role model without even realising it.
Serge Benhayon is most definitely a true role model for me. His love and dedication to truth and to humanity inspires me every single day.
It is beautiful what you have written here Ray and the exposure of the bitter cycle of the ‘better man’. Changing the focus from what one does to the quality with which one does something is, as you share, not only life enhancing and confirming of oneself but for others.
Beautiful Blog Raymond. It is amazing how many pictures there are about how we should be or what we should but none take into account the quality we do it in. For example we can work hard and provide for our family, nothing wrong with that, but if that means we get to spend no quality time with our children and when we do we are tired and distracted then what have we really achieved? Sure safety and security but where is the real connection and love? I know for me if I do not put myself and relationships/people 1st then everything else falls apart.
‘True role models are everyday people, doing everyday things.’ Yes! indeed. Every single one of us is a role model. We are all being watched by others all of the time. How we choose to look after ourselves is always being reflected in everything we do, always offering an opportunity to inspire others, or not.
And because of that this is a responsibility that is not generally appreciated, it gives one an excuse to behave in so many unloving ways. Once one appreciates, accepts and respects the fact of this responsibility, our choices increasingly become more consistently loving and inclusive of others and their well-being.
Raymond your new understanding of being a role model is very simple and I sense very relatable to anyone. This is perhaps the essence of being a true role model, that it is something that everyone is capable of being and not about a special or talented skill set. I feel what you have shared is the start of the detail of a huge unfolding study (perhaps course?) on ‘how to live life being me’.
I love how you say that true role models are everyday people doing everyday things, as in fact we are always role modelling wherever we are, whatever we do and it emphasis the responsibility we have in how we live our lives. Nothing goes unnoticed and everything has an effect on our surroundings.
Awesome Ray. a true role model is a reflection and an inspiration for us to know that we too hold everything we are within, and to learn to deepen and bring that all of who we are out in full. – as we too can step into the responsibility that all that we are impacts on all others.
I would agree that Serge Benhayon is a wonderful role model ! What you are doing by being a concerned parent and partner must be one loving and responsible person, that your kids and others look up too. A great sharing Ray.
Serge Benhayon is a true and real role model – showing how a man can truly be and how being sensitive is actually a strength rather than a weakness. He has inspired many and continues to inspire men and women everywhere.
Thank you Ray for this great sharing ‘We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.’ This is very true, the quality is what counts and our consistency is a very powerful reflection for everyone to be inspired by.
As kids we do look to those around us to see how we are to be in the world. There are many pictures and messages boys receive from a young age about how they should be in the world. When a man steps out of this and allows himself to express all that he is- it is a real blessing as it is gorgeous when a man lives unfiltered and is prepared to express himself and share his love with others.
Very wise words “We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” We make so much of life about the ‘doing’. There isn’t a true understanding of what it means to live daily in a quality that is aligned with how our bodies should really function. Least of all having role models that can reflect that quality. So the more we learn to live in a way that is of this quality, the more ‘true’ role models there can be out there in our communities.
Thank you Ray for sharing your experience of a role model – how this was once all about the doing and the pleasing – but now it is about reflection, responsibility, inspiring others. Like you I knew my dad to be hard working because he didn’t have much growing up, and i can see how men easily slip into this role of providing a better life and security. But what an opportunity men have for it to not be about the money or the provider role, but to actually live the tender men they naturally are and inspire their children to do the same.
‘I live what I say first and then I don’t really have to say it at all.’ Its not what we say that is important… its what we do. Everyone is observing everything all of the time.
We don’t usually live thinking about the impact we have on others as a fact of being role models for them. It’s worth to take responsibility about this, walking our talk first.
Looking back It’s quite shocking the people I chose for role models, my choices were super destructive, It was a good thing that I came across the truest of all role models before I really did some damage.
True role models just get on with it. I have seen many in the older age bracket who know they have a part to play in supporting and loving others through their work and family and make life about fun, love and no perfection.
Thank you Raymond for sharing your journey to a “True Role Model’. To start with your dad and end with Serge Benhayon and then yourself, show us all that to live who we truly are each day in honesty, love and by taking responsibility for our lives, can only be inspirational to all we meet.
‘a true role model is someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living.’ This is such a beautiful reminder to me to not try to copy another I admire but reconnect with the wisdom within me, to be inspired but to stay present in the process and make it meaningful to me so I can embody it and live it through my expression.
After reading your article I reflected on the role models I had growing up and how much influence they had on me. My sisters played a big part in this and I choose to glorify their choices and attempt to mould myself on them. This had its advantages and disadvantages. I like that you bring equally responsibility to us all with the fact that there is always someone watching, there is always someone in the background taking it all in. Its for us to be the role models that we never had.
When I look back at the role models I chose growing up its’s a big cringe, rock stars and people in full illusion of life, its amazing to find people that are free of that illusion and come from a basis of truth and love.
Serge Benhayon is a role model for all who are wiling to observe him and be inspired by him. I observe the way he is with every person he meets, he treats all with the same love and care he does his own family. He treats himself with utmost love and takes care of himself like no other person I have met. His attention to detail is inspiring as is his endless commitment to serve humanity, always in the same loving quality no matter how long his working day has been. His willingness to support you no matter how small or big your issue may be. Observing him has inspired these qualities in me and these are just a few of the attributes of Serge Benhayon and why he is a true role model to all.
‘We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do’ – a great definition that clarifies it’s all about the solidity of how we are and not from our achievements or accomplishments or accolades that we become true role models.
Living to an image is an enormous danger, it devalues who we are and what we bring. An inspiring role model is someone who does not ask you to copy them, or be like them, but to value what you bring in life, to live it in full and have that consistency across every aspect of your life. The consistency you describe and have observed in Serge Benhayon is simply an example that living in this way is entirely possible once it is valued for the life changing gem it is.
About 10 years ago, I received some feedback from coworkers as part of a team building program. The most common word that people used to describe me was ‘nice’. I remember that I cringed hearing it, and it felt awful to be described in this way. This was probably the first time that I began to see the impact of living a life trying to please others and always ‘do the right thing’.
I still find myself measuring what I say and how I act around others at times. One thing I’ve learned is that trying to make everyone happy is simply not possible, and what people really want is to see the real me. Isn’t that what we all equally want from each other?
The role modelling of sports people is a rather fraught business. Because there is such a desire to put people who are very good at physically coordinated movements on a pedestal we have to overrule the fact that so many of them behave in immoral ways, be it in their on field behaviours, their greed, or other morally and socially repugnant acts. This leads to a lot of hypocricy in the standards we expect and live to and also a lowering of the standards of what is decent and worthy of replication. Were we to use people like Ray Karam as a benchmark of a good role model we would not have such a lowly standard of what the term ‘role model’ actually offers young people. Many have access to Ray’s reflection as a successful community man living with true care for others. I don’t know any current sports stars who reach that level of integrity or are indeed at all bothered about doing so and maybe this is why we should stop placing such an emphasis on expecting them to be good role models, for it is obvious that very few are.
Your generosity in your writing Ray is very enjoyable to read, I look forward to pointing our three boys in the direction of this blog when they get to an age that it might interest them. Its a real gift to know so clearly what being a man in this world is about and what being an inspiration actually means, thank you.
Thank you Raymond for sharing from your inner most part of your life. With such open honesty and transparency. It is wonderful to hear someone talk from the realness of life not the mimicking versions.
Who to be a better role model for living human life than those living human life? i.e all of us. Often we can look at celebrities, people in high religious or spiritual positions or others that seem to be put on a pedestal away from the everyday life that we live. But do those people have to deal with their tax returns? taking out the wheelie bin or standing in line at the supermarket checkout? Some activities are simply not shown when we get these pictures of what success is to be but how is that relatable to the life that the majority share? This is what I have found to be inspiring about Serge Benhayon because he brings a deep quality of care and harmony into human life and is not separate from it and shows that it is very possible and simple to bring into our lives.
Love it Ray! Every single one of us is a role model, so the real question is what are we role models of or for? Are we role models that inspire true change and empowerment of others, a way of lifting each other up and offering a reflection that is natural and full? Or are we role models that do the opposite?
As you have so beautifully shared Ray, it does not matter what age we are, for we can be a role model at any time and any age. So many times I watch my son too and am reminded by his grace and tenderness of what I too can bring to myself and those around me. When we start looking at humanity and society in the light of our potential that we can live, then there is so much joy that abounds. And it is never about striving for an outcome or seeking perfection in our reflection as role models. It is simply about the realisation of who we are and what we have the capacity to reflect by choice, with no perfection here being asked. How beautiful is that? Why would we say no to this?
“My children are role models for each other and for me”
I have always found my children to be great role models and teachers and have learnt to listen closely to what they are sharing. This is very different from the common belief that adults are always right- more often in our arrogance we do not appreciate the gifts that children are in our lives. Great sharing, Ray.
After re-reading your blog Raymond I have come to the realisation that the true measure of a man is the quality of his relationships everywhere in his life not what he can do.
Great comment Andrew. We can become pigeon holed into thinking our entire worth is based on our abilities and talents. The reality is that quality is what counts and quality of relationship that is first and formost.
Our society places such a huge emphasis first on the outside – the achievements, the looks, the jobs, the deeds, the qualifications, the wages etc etc. And our perceived “worth” is built upon these external factors. However, our true worth comes not from the outside, it comes from the knowing of who we are through our divine connection before we even do anything. This is unfortunately something we can so easily forget, yet something that is so innately empowering.
Amazing how this significant fact had bypassed me for such a long time, for years I lived irresponsibly and have given up on the impact my choices could make. I am returning now to understand responsibility and how gorgeous and joyful it is to make responsible choices in life. “How I was or how I chose to be always had an influence on others around me; the only question was whether I wanted to accept that fact or not.” It does feel like how I am impacts on others and I can indeed chose whether I deny this or accept this as a truth and so either continue to deny it or do something about it. I chose to be aware of it.
I have observed how some men around me have felt trapped by wanting to be a ‘good man’; there has been been a lot of pressure laid upon their shoulders,some of it has been self imposed. It is interesting to consider what is a true role model, because it is true – someone who takes responsibility is inspiring, but what kind of responsibility do they take and why. True responsibility includes self-care and self-love, being in balance, a natural flow, not being over burdened by trying to make it right or having the right answer. A true role model responsibly cares for themselves first so that they are able without stress and strain to support those around them also.
I now have a great awareness of how I have been supported by true role models and also how I have a role and am responsible for the impact I have, and so I can chose to be a true role model myself “I have come to the understanding that a true role model is someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living.” Inspiration is a like a light shining within another and we see and feel that light and know we can live it for ourselves.
It a very personal relationship with both responsibility and truth. Every moment presents us with an opportunity to choose truth, or not. I have begun to ‘fess up’ to myself lately, about all the little inconsistencies that I have allowed and am re-imprinting a way of being with myself where none of these are allowed. Every detail must be attended to. It is a glorious feeling to live in this way.
My experience of taking responsibility is that it makes life much simpler, so much clearer, lighter and more amazing because there is no resistance, dragging everything back into the fog.
Dear Ray,
This is a very beautiful piece on the subject of role models. As you say, we are all leaders and role models simply by “taking responsibility for the choices (we) make in life, and choosing to be as honest as (we) can be, without trying to be perfect…”
This is something I have rejected in life up until quite recently, entirely inspired by the work of Serge Benhayon and the magnificent Student Body! I am no longer rejecting the truth of who I am but rather embodying it, living it in every way and accepting the enormous responsibility that comes with this. Yet really, there is nothing enormous about it for it is our natural way.
This is so true Raymond. You go to start somewhere so why not start now with the basics of being real with each situation and removing the layer of how we should be to just being yourself.
Very power-full and inspiring blog Raymond. It highlights the importance of living not from an ideal we have – to be good, or to achieve recognition or fame, but from first connecting to the true essence of who we are- honesty, truth, respect and love, and living this consistently as best as we can in all our relationships.
Thank you Katie and many people see this as being ‘friends with your children’ and it’s not that it’s not that either. There is a difference though and that is knowing when to be the leader and also knowing when to take the back seat. It comes from a feeling and the depth of your relationship with the children or person and yourself. There is a living relationship that will consistently need care and attention to the details. We often get caught up in life and before we turn around the children have finished school, married and gone. If you can see this happening it’s time to stop, sit down and have a moment with the person in front of you and breathe. At times when I see I’m making dinner, cleaning up, the washing etc more important then the person in front of me, I will stop and sit down and really hear what they have to say. It breaks something and clears up my tunnel vision of getting things done. There will always be things to do but the quality of how we do them is the key.
That is a great point Raymond. When ‘getting things done’ becomes more important than being with the people I am with it is indeed a marker that there is something going on for me. I love your advise to stop and really be with the other person as this I find is the most nurturing thing to do at some times in the day.
The greatest responsibility and honesty I’m learning of late is to put my hands up when I’ve behaved in a way which is clearly not me. When emotions come up or I try and turn the tables, or I even try…I know I’ve lost my connection with myself. This is true role modelling, because others see how easy it is to take responsibility and simultaneously create harmony again.
Hello Jenny I agree and the ‘greatest responsibility’ we have is to connect back to ‘who we truly are’ before taking another step. It matters not how far you went away but being back before you go anywhere else is the key. True role modelling sets its sight firmly within and doesn’t look for others to see, it’s a personal relationship with how you feel in any given situation regardless of what others are doing.
If we as women allow men to be who they truly are and support them in this, I feel this would make a big change. The moment we as women step into our true womanhood so to speak, then men can do the same. It is important that we support each other in this and then eventually there will be a time that the differences are not even there, and we are all human beings, with both genders melted as one.
“How I was or how I chose to be always had an influence on others around me; the only question was whether I wanted to accept that fact or not.” This is an open, very engaging question that is there for us to explore in many moments of each day. We are all in this life together and affect each other all the time, through our feeling if not direct observation. That choice, to accept our power, is one which builds, expands and becomes responsibility we can not only shoulder but also rejoice in, for all of mankind.
Thanks Katie and you have summed it up perfectly, “a constant learning from every interaction and situation and the loving way you are with yourselves and others, without the harshness of putting pressure on yourself or others to be perfect.” It great to appreciate this and equally use it as a road map to live.
Beautifully said Ray – ‘True role models are everyday people doing everyday things. It seems to me now that being a role model is simply about taking responsibility for the choices I make in life, and choosing to be as honest as I can be, without trying to be perfect, and then seeing how everything I do affects those around me in one way or another.’
Thank you Ray this is very inspiring. From playing good to bringing true commitment and being a responsible role model is an amazing gift for yourself, your family and humanity as a whole.
Hello Tricia and yes this is the bi product if you like as your intention is never to be anything, rather just live to a quality consistently from how it feels. The world can speak very loudly to you all of the time if you only allow yourself to stop and listen.
Your looking good Ray, Awesome
Hello Joe and thanks. The deeper and deeper I go into this quality of ‘responsibility’ the better and better it gets. It would seem at this point there is no end and the only time it changes is when I change. The world really is not what it seems.
Thank you Raymond for sharing your journey to becoming a true role model. I can see what an inspiration you would be for many if not all of us. Thank you again.
Roslyn what I love about Raymond is the down to earth, real tender man that he is. Just seeing him at work caring for people, family and staff the same was a great reflection. Yet doing this with responsibility rather than from trying to be a good man is what shines out. Deeply inspiring.
Hello Roslyn, thank you and no problem. This is a great way to live and extremely rewarding with everything you see. Yes I am a ‘true role model’ but it’s no arrival point as we have mentioned as it seems more like just the beginning. This blog and comments are all part of the next part, what that is who knows but the next moment will reveal some more.
Raymond I really appreciate this line, ‘making a change, people feel it as it is, not just as a spoken thing but something that we bring into our body – it’s solid.’
For years I have been asking (aka demanding) other people to make changes that I have not made myself – all because I didn’t like the reflection of how their ill choices and consequences were mirroring mine and it seemed easier to change them than address my own issues (!).
The solidness of these changes can be felt. I certainly feel this in others who have made great changes. Without their needing to mention a thing I can feel what is possible and can choose this for myself.
Hello Karin and in this way you lead the way. We are so use too ‘fighting’ everything or confronting things that we don’t just stop and surrender simply to what we feel. We think it’s others doing this and that, or the worlds fault but don’t simply turn the mirror to face us. It’s not that we carry the worlds problems either that’s just the same thing but on the other end of the line, we simply need to feel our part and then take care of that. This is not a solitude thing but more a consistent way to interact into the world, from self responsibility. You don’t live in the world but more you live and then step to the world. Thanks Karin.
True Karin, I also know this one, to want others to change around me, waiting for the change and then I am safe to express myself or be more open, a long waiting game occurs, because neither person feels able to step out of their protection because of the demands of the other. As Raymond has described, being ‘solid’ in the body and inspiring from this is so powerful and unimposing. I have found that it is a very lovely endeavour, I feel more solid and steady in myself and if people chose to change this is something that occurs because of their own will not because I have been pushing or demanding it. I have also been deeply inspired by observing this steadiness and solidness in others, it says you can be this to, True Inspiration.
I was struck Raymond by how simple it all is, just committing to being in the moment and representing ourselves as we know we can, a full representation of who we innately are. In your case a very strong gentle man. I alway enjoy reading your articles as they are filled with the real down to earth experiences that make you such a great role model for all men and boys.
Hello Stephen and thank you. I agree wholeheartedly with what you are saying. We all deeply care about what goes on around us, some can pretend but from the start we all cared and so truly we can only deny something that was and is always there. So simply take that deep care into everything we do, whether you do that for yourself, your daughter or the Prime Minister, it matters not who they are but more the quality you bring. If you see something ‘missing’ in the world around you then bring that quality into your life and live it with everyone to wake the world from it’s slumber. ‘We’ really can changed the world.
I agree, I really appreciate reading Raymond Karma’s articles, they are simple in a beautiful way and I can feel they are speaking from a lived wisdom. I also appreciate reading comments like this where a man is expressing to another man without a hint a competition but instead lovely tenderness and appreciation. It is significant and a powerful statement in this world.
I agree, I really appreciate reading Raymond Karam’s articles, they are simple in a beautiful way and I can feel they are speaking from a lived wisdom. I also appreciate reading comments like this where a man is expressing to another man without a hint a competition but instead lovely tenderness and appreciation. It is significant and a powerful statement in this world.
Hello Alexandre and I agree, we are all an authority on something we live consistently no matter what the subject or your qualifications. A living qualification is supported by the very fact it’s something you do every day, naturally.
It makes such a difference to share something, an idea or an ideal simply because we live it and not just because it looks good or present well. It is something that I catch myself doing from time to time because of the ups and downs into my life however subtle they can be.
‘We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do. This is a spot on line Ray. This I am accepting more and more as my past way of being was all about doing and getting the job done, so not a good role model. When I choose to be with myself and focus on the quality and love I am bringing, it just blows me away how in that space you get to see everything and others feel inspired by your choice to bring love to what you are doing.
Thank you Toni and I use to think the ‘many faces’ thing was a thing to throw out completely, like it was wrong. I have realised since there is a part of this that is true. It’s not that we put on ‘faces’ to suit any situation or you act. When you build a solid base or foundation of connection you realise the equality with everyone has always been there, the ‘faces’ were just a cover for that. In other words you have truly wanted to be everything to everyone but we have just gone about it in a way that isn’t true for us. We can be everything to everyone if we live that way for ourselves first, live to what you feel and if this doesn’t make sense then just an awareness to even that is a start. There is a way to be with everyone and ‘give’ them what is needed and it first comes for us living a way with ourselves. What ever we want the world to be is the part we first need to look at for ourselves, heal it and then everything you touch will carry that same quality. The world is just a reflection for us, don’t like the reflection, don’t change the world, heal yourself and then you will carry the imprint to bring the change in the world in everything you do. We are the leaders, all of us.
Reading your words here Ray, I felt to take my time to read each and every sentence carefully, allowing myself to really hear what you are saying, with my whole body. This is the effect we have when we build integrity and quality in our choices – we bring natural authority to life. Super inspiring.
This experience made me realise Ray how I usually skim read words – and I see its the same with how I am in life, I can live just on the surface. The dedication I feel in you inspired me here to allow space to feel all of what you had to say. This is what a true role model is all about.
Hello Joseph and I am the same with the “skim”. It’s no different in a conversation with someone, do you really stay with them and allow them to say what they are saying or do you cut them off or go into the answer before they have finished. I’m not critical if you do but more saying it’s something to be aware of. When you dedicate deeply to what is in front of you then you are more able to deal with everything that is going on. If you ‘skim’ then you only get part of the story and the answer you give will only be a part of that as well. No more parts, we want the whole story. It’s a great reminder for me as well Joseph to not ‘skim’ anything, thanks.
Being met by another and feeling the ‘whole’ is one of the most powerful experiences of confirmation. ‘Skimming’ is felt absolutely to the depths when we are not met and equally it is felt when I do not truly meet another. It’s a choice with significant consequences. Thank you Joseph and Raymond for this exposé.
Thank you Bernadette and while we may see our lives made up of individual occurrences, this meeting, this sale, home with the family etc it’s all in fact linked. So ‘skim’ over people at work and that same quality is there at home and vis versa. As an example, I can’t really say I fully respect women in a speech, if at home behind closed doors I’m abusive to my partner. While this maybe an obvious one I am realising more and more how I treat people, am I open to what they say or am I trying to control them so they don’t say the wrong thing or embarrass me or themselves. Respect and care for each other isn’t just a show, it’s a feeling and no matter if you think it’s just with one, all that you are is with everyone all the time, responsibility.
So inspired to really be with another, to be with myself, to allow the depth that is always there which I can sometimes be afraid of. So no more skim reading of life, of people starting with myself, I am worth knowing.
Hello Joseph and it’s great to bring that quality to this blog and in fact great to bring that quality to anything. As you would be aware the quality you speak of you can’t just turn on and off, living it consistently will bring with it an authority that in turn will be felt everywhere. We are never in an isolated moment, more it is a continual moment where one impacts on another. So live the quality you feel in every moment and don’t just save it for special occasions or people because it’s truly not possible we can just make it look that way.
Ray, this is great what you write about what a true role model is:
“I have come to the understanding that a true role model is someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living. This change is then lived every day, and not just in one part of their life – it changes in every part of their life.“
Hello Janina, thank you and I still stand by what is written there, it very true and accurate. I’m not saying this because I wrote it but more that it feels like this is for everyone. Funny I read those words and it could be like you are saying them to me, I don’t relate them to being ‘mine’. While I did write them, it came from the same place to what the quote is saying itself, a place for everyone, an equal and universal place.
Raymond I love how you have exposed how Role Models are everywhere, not just the most famous pop singers, sports players or other celebrities. I have found a true role model within Serge Benhayon, his way of life is truly loving, and I have seen how he honours everyone with the same amount of love that he holds for his family – beautiful to feel, and very inspiring to be equally as loving.
“We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.“ This is so important to understand that life is not about doing but the quality we live and the quality we actually are in doing what we doing. Success in our society is measured by job titles and how much you earn not by how much you live in harmony and love with yourself and others.
Hello Janina and well said. We can turn the tide on society by living the ‘quality’ you speak of in every moment. We don’t have to wait for anyone but bring what we feel to bring in every moment to everything. The initial ‘change’ may not be obvious but in time (consistency) it will become the norm.
It was great to read this blog Raymond. I was not aware how much we influence another. That we are all role models for another we can inspire and support another or not in the way we are living.
Hello Janina and this is possibly one of the ‘big tricks’ in the words, the fact we aren’t all connected, all the time. We look physically and see the distance apart but yet more and more we are seeing how even the littlest things can affect so many people. The more awareness we continue to bring to how we live in every way the more we see we are all together in this. More often than not the only people who don’t ‘see’ this are the people that aren’t wanting to see the huge responsibility we have with ‘how’ we are in the world. I don’t see responsibility as a burden or something to even champion, I see it as a direct way of life, a way to be that takes care of everything naturally.
“True role models are everyday people doing everyday things.” Yes I absolutely agree and I love it very much Raymond that you are so firmly exposing all about the not so good role models you had in your past. It is very helpful to read how you have changed and that I found very inspiring. To walk what we talk is absolutely the best way to be a role model for everyone because this is not often lived. Therefore people like you are so much needed to be seen.
I agree Ester and how amazing to have a farther like Raymond!
Hello Ester and I agree but we shouldn’t assume this is just for me. Their are many of ‘us’ living in this way and equally they should be ‘out there’ in the world. We read things or see things and appreciate them like many people are doing with this blog but we don’t bring it home to ourselves. In other words anything you see and appreciate in me is already with you, otherwise you could never see it in me. So when we appreciate it seems important to bring that same appreciation back to ourselves. That way it brings a solid platform in and the next step with be walk in that ‘solid’ feel. We often see things in others but take little time for ourselves, if we see life as a number of moments, then it would be important to complete each moment before moving onto the next. So with this whatever you take to someone else would need to be balanced with bringing the same to yourself. This would complete the moment for me and then leave every part of you ready for the next moment, appreciation and responsibility I love them both.
This is such an amazingly supportive comment. What a really beautiful responsibility I have to really pause and appreciate another, to not falter in this for fear of being jealous, but to really feel the truth of these qualities in me too. In doing so I get to feel I am never less than another. With honesty, not criticism, I get to see my choices where I may not have expressed or chosen to evolve as another has done – but this is integral to my making loving choices, inspired by another who’s reflected to me who I am and me acknowledging this.
A beautiful l honest blog bringing the true role model of who we are by are livingness that we can all be. A great appreciation of Serge Benhayon and all he is reflecting to humanity thank you for sharing this Ray.
Thank you Raymond this is an inspiring and beautiful article to read and the importance of true role models like you and Serge Benhayon is to be celebrated in full. Having watched you for many years in your business, at home with your kids, with you wife or out and about in the community I can agree with every word you share here with us, your steadiness, your commitment to love and truth is deeply inspiring and nothing flashy about you – you simply walk your talk.
Hello Anna, thank you and all ‘we’ do is simply live the quality you see consistently, not perfectly but consistently more and more everywhere.
Hello Elizabeth and I agree there are many distractions for us to get caught on. If you live with a dedication to the quality of how you live then there is no room for better. So it’s not about being ‘better’ or ‘worse’ or trying not to be better. It’s more a dedication to honour everything you are feeling in any point or moment. So if you try and be better or rejoice that you are better or react to being worse then this is all in the same boat, you doing something to not feel. Take a pause, breathe and connect back to how you feel and then step again. No matter what life faces you with the dedication to how you live will stand you up in any situation if you choose it. If it’s ‘not there’ for you, this maybe a reflection of a deeper consistency that is needed. Life is all set up for us we just need to dedicate ourselves to reading it first and not just living what ever it puts in front of us.
Very true Raymond “Nothing is ever too late and nothing is ever to big, we just need to make a start somewhere and be consistent”. Being honest can consistently keep you on your path keeping it real and in your favour by truly assessing your life as it reflects back to you how you’re consistently living in it. You have the opportunity to make those changes on the go. No regret or judgement – just your living truth by being honest.
This goes for men and women Rik. We can make every moment the start of a new level of consistency we have said yes to this time around.
I feel how important it is as a role model to be consistent in all that you do. People are always watching and reading you whether you accept it or not. It makes me wonder how we do naturally care for each other but our lack of consistency can project a flawed image. It brings in responsibility why people do not listen or take you seriously. It’s a big ouch! Live what you speak.
‘People are always watching and reading you whether you accept it or not.’ – So true Rik, we may not be aware of it but people are always watching and taking notice of what we do.
Hello Rik, and yes a consistency in all that you are and in relationships is important. A person that lives the natural care we have for each other in relationships day in and day out will certainly stand out. Many of us have been ‘burnt’ in relationships and so we are reluctant to trust until we see the consistency of something or someone. The care I live for myself will naturally be there for everyone and everything thereafter, no need to try or give something a face. All you live is with you in every moment. If we want to ‘change the world’ then the change comes from how we are and the rest just flows on magically from there.
Lovely to read your blog Raymond. I love how real you are and at the same time do not hold back. You know where you stand by being honest and living moment by moment – it makes sense this works with no identification in what you do. I see and feel the enjoyment you have in relationships and life by observing and receiving a more fuller understanding of what and why people are the way they are just by you being the moment and living change in your body what you have been inspired through the reflection of all you meet not just a selected few. You are an inspiring man and a true role model.
Already in the headline you raise an interesting point, Raymond. Being responsible and being good are two different things. The one is taking responsibility, the latter not. To take responsibility for the quality we live in is crucial in order to establish harmony in our lifes.
Hello Kerstin and yes ‘good’ is a mere shop front and most of the time when you open the door there is little behind it. Where ‘responsibility’ you can take all the way to the bank and it’s not necessarily responsible for something but more responsible for the way you are, the way you live in every moment. This is just a turn on and off thing or a public face thing but responsibility for how you are off camera as well. It may seem a lot, everything in the world at this point is leading to telling us something is not balanced. What if this is all part of that, the responsibility of how we live in every moment. We reward the performance but this is not what counts, it’s how we are in every moment, including that performance that is the key. Live all you are in every moment and you won’t need a performance, everything is already there all the time.
Can’t underestimate the power of a true role model. Like you Ray, I have been deeply inspired and graced by the living ways of Serge Benhayon. By the reflection of Serge simply living and being all he is in full my entire life (and that of thousands of other people) has transformed in what many would call a miraculous way.
Hear hear Nicola, the power of a true role model is ginormous as has been shown by the miraculous changes of people being inspired by how Serge Benhayon lives.
Absolutely Nicola and the consistency of Serge Benhayon constantly confirms and supports me in my daily living. It is like the sunrise, we never doubt that it will deliver day after day. Such is the dedication and absoluteness of this man as a role model.
To me a true role model is someone who has connected deeply to their inner heart and who they truly are and lives in that quality. This is something divinely beautiful to behold and inspires and gives permission to those who are open to also live and express from their inner heart.
‘This is something divinely beautiful to behold’ – I couldn’t agree more Nicola, it is something that touches us so deep that we are willing to let it in. True inspiration.
Indeed what Raymond writes is an inspiration for people (men AND women) everywhere as it applies to us all.
True role models are humble aren’t they. There is no fanfare about what or how they do something, it is just simply them being themselves.
That’s so true Elizabeth – true role models are exceedingly humble. They don’t create fanfare, neither are they arrogant or consider themselves better than others…. Serge Benhayon to me is a classic example of a true role model and who has inspired many others to be the same…
“In the past I assumed being a role model was some kind of achievement… now I can see that it is an ongoing relationship between people.” And I will add – an ongoing relationship the role model has with themselves. What I see in role models in my life is the consistency they have in what and how they do something. The consistency becomes the key to what inspires me. When I see someone not waver with how they do something when something else comes in to disrupt them, allows me to see the self authority that person has. It is beautiful to see this in another because it just says ‘self love’ to me about this other person.
Being “good” and being true are two totally different things. I used to consider myself a very “good” person but it came with a price and that price was often that I was not being true to who I was. I just had an image of what it meant to be “good” and followed that image. These days I am only interested in being real and true and it is the most joyful way to live.
There is a growing trend amongst the young people of today of using social media for looking for role models and also for finding an outlet for showing the way that they have aligned to them. The problems that arise from this are rooted first in that the young person is seeing only the public skin or the very outer surface of the role model. i.e. They have no idea how they actually live off screen. Because of this, and because of the general unawareness of how energy affects us all, young people are affected by the ill energy that these so-called role models live in. Then they become adults with mixed bag of ideal; ideals that have served the role models to live out their search for acceptance and fulfilment of emptiness. It is no wonder that there is such a great deal of mental ill health in our school. The only way that we can counteract this is by true role models going into schools and working with them regularly so they can feel their consistency of integrity in how they live. True role models also need to be on social media and have a web presence that is reachable, real and open so that young people can appreciate their dedication to life and be inspired by it, then apply it for themselves in their own lives.
“We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” Raymond this one sentence alone blows out the water the way I lived most of my life and from what I see around me the way society is setup. The fact that a role model is about true quality first and foremost shows the responsibility we all have to the way we live.
Thanks David and yes this is something that was similar for me. We need to continue to break this mould and reflect the quality we naturally are. The model that I see didn’t support me to grow up from a boy to a man, it drove me down a track that lead nowhere but emptiness. We have a far far greater responsibility that goes on and on, everyday is a look at more of what that responsibility is. I’m not saying I’ve ‘arrived’ or shown you the end here, it is merely part of the way for us all to go. Each day and in each moment more is revealed around in the way I live, the quality and it seems forever ongoing. A true role model never stands on the same spot twice, there is a dedication to an ongoing development around what they feel and see. It’s not about creating a better world but about deepening our care and responsibility we have for ourselves and how we are, this then goes out into the world.
Love what you say here Ray, a great point to ponder – ‘A true role model never stands on the same spot twice, there is a dedication to an ongoing development around what they feel and see. It’s not about creating a better world but about deepening our care and responsibility we have for ourselves and how we are, this then goes out into the world.’
That really is the key to just be true and be open to learning from everyone that is living truth. I like how you said that even your kids are role models and you learn from them. This shows a true openness.
Kids can share absolute pearls of wisdom and show us many things about ourselves.
“In the past I assumed being a role model was some kind of achievement… now I can see that it is an ongoing relationship between people.” This is beautiful to read. Being a role model is indeed something that is there in every moment of the day, you can not switch it off so to speak when your are alone or when you are not with the people you think you need to be a role model for (kids, students). It is in every relationship that we reflect all that we live, and even if we are not aware there is always someone looking at us and seeing and feeling what we are doing. Feeling this makes me really aware of the responsibility I have to not put on a show but live real and true.
Hello Lieke and I agree, “Feeling this makes me really aware of the responsibility I have to not put on a show but live real and true.” The ‘show’ as you say leads to an ongoing game that never ends unless you stop it. I have in the past so often blamed the world for doing something to me, when now I see that what I put in, I get out. If I want something to change then the change needs to come forever from me. It’s not that I need to martyr myself but more be honest with what is going on in front of me and look at my part. I don’t take on the load of the situation but more get support to see why it has landed on my lap, sometimes over and over again. I am forever dedicated to the “ongoing relationship between people” not as a study for answers but as a reflection to see what I am feeling, no more shows.
This is very true what you share here Lieke, and, ‘ It is in every relationship that we reflect all that we live, and even if we are not aware there is always someone looking at us and seeing and feeling what we are doing.’ Which brings huge responsibility in how we live at all times.
‘In the past I assumed being a role model was some kind of achievement… now I can see that it is an ongoing relationship between people.’ I thought the same Raymond, that a role model was something you achieved after ‘doing’ something seemingly grand. Yet, we are always seeing and feeling others energy and behaviours and responding in some kind to that, whether we are aware of it or not. What I can feel in reading your beautiful blog here is how important it is to be aware of what and who we are allowing to influence us and our choices. Are our ‘role models’ ones that support us to evolve as Serge Benhayon does, or to involve. Thank you.
I love this blog and I thank you Raymond for sharing it with us. “In the past I assumed being a role model was some kind of achievement… now I can see that it is an ongoing relationship between people”. This is such a contrast where the need for self seeking identification becomes the focus as opposed to living in connection with ones self and therefore making life about people and our relationships. I too once thought that a role model was someone that had achieved something whether that was through their intelligence and getting a good job or doing well financially but I have come to realise that a true role model is where one is present with themselves and therefore aware of the quality of energy they are in… this is something I am learning each and every day.
I agree Toni, “How often do we act happy at work and then snap at the children when we get home, or visa versa?” I too have done this and it feels dreadful in my body… it is such a false way to be and live. “The face I have is constant through all areas of my life” – I love this Raymond – truly inspiring.
I can vouch that constantly trying to keep everyone happy is exhausting and I have also found that it is impossible to live in this way every day from the pressure I had put on myself. I have also found that emotions build up in the body because of my need to give my power away to others; when I am being true to myself, it is great medicine for my body.
Yes Katie , and so we can know the way forward in every moment. Our body tells us so.
“In the past I assumed being a role model was some kind of achievement… now I can see that it is an ongoing relationship between people.” Reading this article again this sentence just jumped out at me and made me stop. It is such a great realisation as I had never thought about role models from this perspective before and it is so true. For me it brings a much deeper understanding and appreciation of my role models over the years and why I value the ones I do now. It also brings a great practical understanding of being a successful, meaningful role model.
Great Jonathan and thank you for the highlight. Even reading the quote again brings a deeper understanding for me. It’s like the words are clearer and like what I said has now been confirmed and therefore more solid in my understanding. Its great when people share and equally when people listen, an “ongoing relationship” you could say “between people”, perfect.
Letting go of being a good person is huge as there are so many insidious and cunning behaviours that we enact that are so not who we truly are and to nail these evil and abusive behaviours that we create is deeply inspiring to many of us including me. I have always wanted people to like me and to be popular with everyone at the expense of myself and I can see how this has and is playing out within my family. It is not a competition, it is not about being the best or perfect but about being true to ourselves/myself no matter what the outcome is.
A true man is very powerful. A good man is an interpretation of a true man without the power and both the good man and everyone around him can feel the difference.
“We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” This is so very true. It is not what we do but how we do what we do that makes us true role models or not.
Absolutely Elizabeth, when someone is influenced by anothers achievement and wants the same, they work out how the achievement came, and follow that.
Yes, in observing Serge Benhayon you can feel the grace in every deliberate movement, how he greets others with absolute love and equalness, and makes every conversation an opportunity to evolve.
Yes Janet and Katie , the natural grace that one is always met with by Serge Benhayon is immensely healing, confirming and constantly evolving. And an inspiration as a way to be.
Hello Elizabeth and in this way ‘from not what we do but how we do’ there is never a ‘looking’ for people to model you or see you. In fact from this place you have the whole thing sown up, you live in a way that supports you and everything around you equally. It’s a place that has a continued and ongoing commitment to connecting to what you feel and responsibility for what you are feeling and seeing. It’s not a blame game or victim mode but a careful look at what each and every moment of your life is saying. There is no better or worse but more a consistent connection to each moment. Sound difficult? Sounds like the only way to live.
Raymond this is a truly beautiful sharing from a place of humbleness and love thank you. It is offering all men another way to be ,lived and enjoyed for all to see that it really is possible and does work .
I have also learned from Serge Benhayon and his entire family what the true meaning of a role model is. Their lives are all lived with responsibility and accountability in every moment. They don’t “turn it on” for the crowds, the way they present and work as practitioners is the way they live their lives. What I now realise is that a role model is not someone who looks like they are doing all the right things but in fact is someone who lives with energetic integrity and responsibility at all times in their life.
This is true Jo, Serge Benhayon and his family are the first true role models I have met, and ones I choose to inspire me. They live with energetic integrity and responsibility at all times, knowing this has an effect on everything and everyone.
A true role model is also one that walks knowing and honoring who they are but also holds all equally knowing and honoring that all have the same equal power to walk with the same quality.
Hear hear Carola – a true role model.
Hello Carola, this is very well put and I noticed you didn’t put in anything about what we do. So often in the current climate the reward is centred around a particular skill we have that then makes us a role model for people in that area. What you are talking about here is a living role model of life, a person that is a role model not because of anything but because of everything. Love it thank you!
Gorgeous presentation Raymond on what true role models are and how we all are role models. I love how you have shared that we all hold the responsibility in the way we are with people, in the quality in which we build our relationships with everyone we meet and know. That how we are with our selves is the quality that we reflect and bring to everything that we do. This honoring of ourselves comes first and there is no difference between how we are by ourselves or with our family and how we are in the world. What you have presented is so important Ray, as when we are truly ourselves and share this with others we then naturally do inspire, as people are touched by the honoring way in which we have chosen to live, through which they can feel that this is also possible to choose for themselves.
I totally agree, Raymond. Serge Benhayon is truly an inspiration. When he talks, time stands still and I feel in my body that what he speaks is true for him and all of us. I never would have believed that my life could be so rich, since discovering Universal Medicine and I am still quite new to the teachings. I used to chase recognition for all that I did and as a teenager wanted to be anyone else but me. I joined an amateur dramatics society and loved being on the stage. At last, I could be someone else, anyone, but me! However, since discovering Universal Medicine I am learning to enjoy just being with me and at times I have to pinch myself because it feels so awesome and I question, can I really be this amazing?!
I love that Belinda, thank you, and you really are that amazing…
I love what you share here Raymond as it calls us all into responsibility. There is never a time when we do not act as a role model and sometimes we don’t want to be that and we try to hide from it, but that does not change the fact that we are always reflecting something to the world.
Raymond, once again you have soooo many amazing points. It is indeed true – at different times we are all role models for each other – everyday people doing everyday things. I never really had an answer when I was asked “who is my role model?” whilst at school. This makes sense now. I also loved this part “It seemed like we were all trying to learn from each other: it was like no one really knew what they were doing but would watch each other and if what one man did worked, then others would replicate it for themselves in their own way. ” this seems like it is the case for most people. No one really knowing what they are doing- just going off on everyone else for a direction. Thank you for sharing it Raymond.
Being a true role model is a quality that is felt rather than about any so called “good” that one can do.
I agree Deborah. True role models inspire a way of being rather that a state of doing.
Great Blog Raymond Karam.
Thanks for taking the time and caring enough about where we are at to write and share it.
The responsibility of being a role model does not come lightly. Every thing that we say, every move that we make, matters.
Conversely, the irresponsibility lived by not being aware that we are all in fact role models in one way or another to each other is huge.
The two are poles apart, yet the madness lies in the fact that we are not even aware of the simplicity of these and the outplay of our choices in everyday life.
It is crazy when you really stop to think about it that we affect everything and everyone in every moment and that deep down we all know this to be true and yet this is not the reality of how we live.
“This is a man who has walked and lived everything he talks” – Serge Benhayon is a role model for the world with every step he takes, because he understands the responsibility with every movement to reflect true love as a consistent way of being, and that this has a ripple effect out to everyone and everything.
I agree Janet and he does this with the humility and complete equalness that Ray has described a true role model to be.
Very well said Janet Williams, that is exactly what makes Serge Benhayon the outstanding role model that he is for the world – he reflects love and nothing but love.
Absolutely Janet, Serge Benhayon is a role model for the world, ‘he understands the responsibility with every movement to reflect true love as a consistent way of being, and that this has a ripple effect out to everyone and everything.’ Now that is responsibility.
“I did my best to always do the ‘right’ thing but sometimes I found this exhausting…” I am still playing this game at times and can absolutely 100% attest to the absolute exhaustion that it induces.
So true Otto, trying to please others and do the right really gets us no where. It’s all just based off of ideals and beliefs. being true to ourselves and therefore others however, is a completely different story.
I agree Emily, being true to ourselves is a completely different story, one that allows us to feel the effects of what we are doing when we are doing it, one that honours ourselves and the limitations of the physical body, one that guides us to what supports us to be true to ourselves. It is well worth the effort that is needed to stay on that track. It requires consistency in daily living and a regular enquiry into what is true for us.
Hello Otto and yes this way of being seems to chase it’s tail. You can do the ‘right’ thing but the goal posts are always moving and you walk away with a strange feeling like you will be visiting a similar spot again soon. It’s a game we can never win and you could possibly die trying.
Raymond. You are a role model to me. A father. A mentor. A brother and a rock. I, and every other man who comes across you, are blessed to be inspired by your absolute power and integrity. And that is a responsibility that you wear with the lightness of a feather. You’re the real deal.
I agree Otto, and I love the line that Raymond wears the responsibility of being a true role model with the lightness of a feather – it is true, and with profound integrity and a true love of humanity, Raymond lives his full life with a smile on his face and a joyous swing to his step. Inspiring.
Beautifully said Otto.
Ah Otto words from an equally great man. Thank you, thank you for not only the words but the way you have said every part of this and we can celebrate this together. If we lived in the same neighbourhood we would be best mates. I love living the way I do, I love being around people and look forward to what the day brings in that way. My life has always been about people but I just never wanted to look at my part and appreciate it deeply. Universal Medicine has set the world straight for me and my world no longer turns upside down, in fact it can never turn that way again as it’s my choice, it’s always been my choice.
” We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.”- such a revelatory fact!
The quality we are in determines how we speak, walk, move, eat and interact with others. So being a role model is not about images eg being good , nice or hardworking and muscular.
Absolutely Toni, there is not a skerrick of true role modelling in ‘putting on faces’, in distinct contrast to the consistency found by the one who has committed to truth and living from that place to the best of their ability.
To recognise at a young age that what we do is seen and in turn affects others around us, to then also recognise the responsibility we therefore have in the choices we make is massive Raymond. I love that you have shared this. Honesty absolutely is key for us to appreciate who we in fact are, and the Light we bring.
A true role model is apparent when one knows they are here to learn all that there is to this life and without perfection set about making the choices and true change to support themselves to be all that they are. solidly and profoundly.
It is a great point you make concerning the fact that being a role model is not an ‘achievement’ and that “We can all be and we all are role models in our own way. I have found that in every relationship there is something to learn.” The possibility of a being a role model through relationship and not status or rank feels more true. We all offer something in reflection to others that can inspire or that can support learning.
What a fabulous blog, thank you Raymond, there is much here to explore. When I was a child I was often confounded by the adults telling me not to drink or smoke for example, often when they themselves were doing those very things at that exact moment. Everyone seemed miserable or upset by what they were choosing for themselves, prompting these discussions with kids to “not to do the same thing”. As kids we never took any thing that was said seriously because they weren’t backing it up with actions. As a result I and my friends would experiment with smokes and alcohol at very early ages because we wanted to be cool adults and this was what they did. I can see from this blog and my own childhood experiences how vital true role modelling is, and that it is something lived and expressed from that livingness, and can never come from empty words.
Well said Melinda, children don’t miss a thing! What gives us the upper hand to ask our children to do something that we are not doing… this is controlling and it never works. As a parent I offer my children a way of living that I am developing everyday that is true to me as much as possible and without perfection; there is so much we can learn from our children.
Beautiful Raymond so honest and so true how many of us go through life trying to please others and wanting to be liked and good.Meeting Serge Benhayon his family and the way of the livingness has certainly offered another way a true way to live being who we are simply oneself and that is everything where by loving others is a natural way to be. Now this is a real role model.
I feel blessed to know men such as yourself who are true models, men who are not afraid to be themselves, to be tender, sensitive and sweet – it is beautiful to see your photo and read your article Raymond and to know all of the other men that having been inspired by Universal Medicine are returning to living as the lovely men that they truly are.
Rebecca, I feel the same blessing to know men like Ray who do not hold back their sensitivity and sweetness. It has been so beautiful to watch male students of Universal Medicine transform over the years back to their natural tender ways. To be in their company is heaven sent.
It’s true Rachel, a man who honours his tenderness and truth, really is a gift from God.
I agree Toni – this is a major expose of the different faces we put on in life, for most people this is the norm and it is quite rare to hear people even questioning it.
“…children offer us that reflection too, if we are humble enough to see it.” Children provide such an honest reflection as they are not afraid to say it how it is. We can learn so much from them if we are prepared to listen. I remember hearing them copying what I said and in the same tone of voice, and it showed me how imposing I was being as a parent and the fact that they saw everything and read what was really going on.
So true Sandra, children are so more aware at times.
Yes Sandra, children are a wonderful reflection for us if we choose to see it. I remember the copying of what I said by children and feeling quite humilitated by it, but they were so spot on. It just hurt to feel the truth they were reflecting back to me. I can also remember doing the same when I was a child and getting told off for doing it – it was obviously having the same effect.
“I only liked the parts of their lives that worked”. Ray, this is such a great insight to see that our role models are constructed from parts that we select to put in our picture and then we strive to reach this ideal of perfection. It’s such a set-up as it takes us far away from the truth that a true role model is not about what we do but “simply about taking responsibility for the choices I make in life”. I love how you recognized so young that you were also a role model for other boys and how you are now taking responsibility for that.
I too love how Ray is now accepting the responsibility of being a role model that he always knew. I too can very much relate to those around me being inspired by me and although this seemed natural to me, at times I didn’t know how to handle it. Today, I have much more understanding and acceptance of myself and others and this feels so liberating simply because I am learning to accept my qualities and what I bring.
Wow, Raymond, it’s beautiful how you express how you feel and these insights into men’s behaviour are just so needed to support men to see what is really going on. Women also try to live up to some ideal of how they should be to please others and it is exhausting as you can’t please everyone and you get drained by giving your power away to others.
Wow Raymond how trapped we are when we continually measure ourselves on a stick of being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ ‘better’ or ‘worse’. Its the same sliding scale we have been living with for Aeons, yet there’s not task we can do thats enough. Contrast this with Serge Benhayon who presents that before we begin our work and our chores everyday we are actually complete and beautiful already. This starts to break apart all these role and performances we think we need as a man, to uncover the tender delicate and beauty full being that actually lived underneath before hand.
Beautiful words to read from a man, Joseph – “before we begin our work and our chores everyday we are actually complete and beautiful already”. You too are a great role model of what a true man can be.
It’s a beautiful sentence that you have highlighted Janet. A gem for us men to all remember. And crucial. because without that being known and lived, we wouldn’t be bringing everything that we are to what we do anyway, which means that what we do will be empty, so it was pointless starting in the first place!
Amen to that Joseph! As a woman the inspiration I feel in witnessing the delicate tenderness that is a man’s innate nature connects me to the depths of beauty that live within us all, and with this I am humbled.
Raymond when you say “I have tried to avoid what seems to be unavoidable and pretend that I didn’t care what I did and not take the full responsibility I have for every part of my life. On the other hand I have also spent years trying to live up to an ideal of what I thought was good and right” you expose how our trying to be good and better ourselves, how the hard work and the ideals are all a distraction from taking true responsibility for everything in our lives. The role models you used to look up to are just that, role models for irresponsibility. Men (and women) like yourself are the role models we need today, role models that show that life is truly about.
We are all role models no matter what we do, the way we live is seen by every single person around us and we all look at each other all the time. It brings a whole new level of responsibility but at the same time it shows us that we all have the power to change the world, simply by offering a true, honest and loving reflection in the way we live.
Ray how great to break the myth that so many of lived under “As I grew up I realised there was a flaw in the way I was doing things. I was constantly trying to keep everyone happy”. I felt the same an incessant effort to ensure everyone was happy and accepting of me. The result one exhausted person. What a blessing to have true role models in our world.
Hello David and it would seem the world is constantly geared to ‘keeping everyone happy’ but yet not many are telling the truth. It’s not about saying whatever you want to get it off your chest because you don’t care or anything like that. It’s about supporting yourself to live in a certain way that guarantees the ‘care’. Deep down it appears pretty universal we all care but a lot of the time that natural ‘care’ isn’t at the forefront of how we are. We instead go into a ‘keep the peace so everyone is happy’ way of being. ‘The Way Of The Livingness’ with Universal Medicine has supported that natural care to be at the forefront of everything I do and simply it has changed my life.
True role models are not there for us to copy, but to be inspired by
We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do. This is so true Raymond, as there can be those that present a way of being in a part of their lives and others will champion that and call them role models but are they living that in full in all of their lives and so then is true quality reflected.
This is an absolute cracker of a blog Ray thank you. True role models are living within each of us and the inspiration we can gain from that is huge. Inspiration is held in how we live everyday and the unique quality and flavour we bring to each moment. That is true responsibility for all. Awesome.
True role models are as you have expressed Raymond… they are all of us. We all wear many different hats that contribute what is necessary when it is needed.
Agreed Steve, and each one, in our uniqueness, makes up a part of the Whole. Once again, the analogy of ants comes to mind, all working together in unison, all equal, but bringing what they bring together, working together in harmony. Ants are great role models for Brotherhood.
On top of the many people I set up as having something I wanted and/or needed to emulate I also set myself up with a whole lot of things I needed to achieve to ‘qualify’ in some way for having ‘made it’. These aspirations always set me apart from where I was in any given moment completely bereft of any acceptance or appreciation for simply being me. The changes over the past 10 years have been remarkable and I do give myself a moment or two to reflect back on my past trajectory and how I am today. Inspired by people rather than jealous or diminished by them, I now live my life with a joy of being me, with the inspiration to get out of bed simply to be part of what each day offers and knowing that I am always learning.
Ray, you mention that we can equally learn from our children about role models, and I am reminded of what my son said about his grade 6 teacher whom he greatly respected. What impressed him about Mr S was that he was always the same, and that he didn’t change when a parent entered or left the classroom. Being who we are and living our life with love and integrity is so much more inspiring than being recognised for what we do. I too am forever appreciative of Serge Benhayon living as a true role model for all.
There is so much pressure on men to be a certain way and to conform. This blog is revolutionary in that you are sharing Raymond, as a living example, that it’s perfectly OK to be yourself; a message that so many people need to hear and see living role models of.
We can all feel the pressure men are under to conform to some image and ideal of how a man should be. Working with Universal Medicine, the ‘rule book’ has been completely re-written! I have the pleasure of knowing men now who are beautifully, sweetly, tenderly, inspiringly being themselves and the strength and power of this is incredible, ever more amazing as it is freer and freer of the image of strength as tough, muscly, hard and ‘testosterony’.
Yes, Matilda. Not buckling under the pressure to be ‘a real man’ shows the power and strength of a true man. It is a blessing to know many men such a Ray who are open, deeply caring and take responsibility for showing the world what a man can be.
Very true Shevon this is indeed a super important message to share. We are constantly bombarded and pressured to not be ourselves everywhere we look and everywhere we turn in the world. And so it is equally important to understand that we do have a choice and that it is absolutely our right and very natural to simply be who we truly are, our loving selves. And as such the inspiration is there for others to feel, that it is also possible to choose this for themselves.
At school we were asked to talk about a role model, someone we looked up to and I always struggled and would eventually make something up. A true role model was hard to find because for me it was about how they were in their lives and did they walk their talk, and was that something that engendered love, stillness, confidence and consistency. A role model is definitely something that is felt deep down and is felt as true. Serge Benhayon is all of those things and he inspires the same in others. Thanks Raymond for sharing your experience and the way you have unfolded into the amazing being and role model you are.
A beautiful Blog Raymond bringing a humbleness and honesty to how we have lived in the world looking outside for role models. Serge Benhayon is showing the world what a true role model is with his absolute consistency responsibility and love for all. We are blessed to live this for ourselves from our innermost if we choose it by inspiration and true connection and our living way.
Your words should be hung on the walls of schools for young boys to read and take to heart. What affect would this make in the world? ‘Being a role model is simply about taking responsibility for the choices I make in life, and choosing to be as honest as I can be, without trying to be perfect, and then seeing how everything I do affects those around me in one way or another’
Like a pressure gauge dropping I can feel the effect of boys and men hearing these words. We all know the expectations that abound for men and the complicated and contradictory ‘rule book’ of how they should be. It feels so exhausting. I understand my role as a woman is to hold myself steadily and tenderly, fragile and strong, so that the people I come into contact with can feel an invitation to let go of the trying, and simply be themselves.
agree Steve. Such an awesome way to describe a role model. Simply, easy and profound.
Hello Steve, I agree those that have this fact in their awareness should be in schools, in life, in everywhere. Giving people the chance to see what this looks like and showing it’s a possibility. We need to write and be in the world more and more, sharing how life is and what it can look like. I use to think I was in the world and last week that changed again. Each week I’m dedicated to sharing more of what I see around me and this is not necessarily lecturing people about ‘my visions’ but more a walking talking connecting caring person just asking them how they are, ‘everyday people doing everyday things’ with a quality that touches you.
This blog makes me seriously question how I have percevied and used role models in the past. Comparison is a game I have played often and there is always someone I can find who seems to be doing better or worse than me – either can be a cop out and be used as a way of avoiding the fact that I truly do know who I am and where I am at in self discovery and self awareness. Truly inspirational people simply remind and confirm who we are already and actually ask us to take more responsibility not less for living us.
” A true role model does not put on a show or a facade” it is the consistency in all areas of their life that is felt and is deeply inspiring to make changes and live life in a different way that is more honouring and loving for who we are. Thank you Ray for being you and walking your talk, a true role model.
It is true Francisco, Raymond is a man who walks his talk and his inspiration comes from Serge Benhayon, but he owns his integrity and soulful connection in his fullness, and he has become a much needed role model for men of our times.
I too have found Serge Benhayon a true role model in my life, he has deeply inspired to be who I am and to make changes in my life I never thought I could make just simply by reflecting how he lives his life with integrity, simplicity and love for himself and others.
In every relationship there is something to learn, this is so true. We may think that certain relationships, even if it is just a short meeting, may not be of any importance but every relationship matters, whether is it our partner, family, the owner of the grocery store or somebody on the street. We can all learn from everybody and vice versa.
I love the level playing field of this because in it there can be no dismissiveness of any interaction, however ‘small’ we may think it is – this closes the gap on irresponsibility, calling us all to be present, full of care and attentive to every moment.
Thanks Matilda and this brings in the quality we are talking about. The ‘level playing field’ is asking us as you say “to be present, full of care and attentive to every moment”. When you put life and people in categories or more importance in days of the week etc we set ourselves up to live life in peeks and troughs. If we bring life into being about how you feel and your awareness to each moment then it takes all this out. It’s not that you don’t take care of days of the week etc but your approach or dedication is the same to everything. It’s not a boring or solumn approach but a living approach to everything. After all what are we here for? To build big buildings, to create better technology etc or is it all about relationships and the first one is the relationship we have with ourselves, how we are with everything.
Beautiful, Mariette. The sooner we accept that we are all unique parts of the same divine whole, the more we will be able to learn from each other and honour the opportunity in every meeting, whether it is casually in the street, with our work colleagues or our children.
and so enter Brotherhood once again, goodbye competition, adios jealousy, farewell separation!
This is what I love the most. Everything is an opportunity to grow, develop and evolve with one another. It’s just amazing how we have so much ability to support and learn from one another.
Being ‘good’ as opposed to being ‘true’ can be a difficult thing to get your head round. I know in my life I have often played the good person, trying to do what is seen as right by society. But if I think back to how that felt, there was almost an emptiness in it. I would also be sorely disappointed if the doing of a good deed didn’t come with some recognition for having done it. So why would I actually do it? Probably just to get someone to notice me and fill up a hole that a lack of self worth had left behind. Now my actions are not about what is good or bad, they are now based on what feels right or wrong to me, and no longer am I seeking the approval from others as much as before as I increase my own self worth through being loving and appreciative of myself. All thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon.
Great topic to discuss about the role models we have in our life growing up (positive and negative) and how they affect us. This isn’t talked about and broken down enough especially with young people and if you look at the ‘celebrities’ there are very few that are out there (if any!) being a true role model. Most of what we see in the media as well especially with adverts and billboards is a lie because it has been photoshopped so much so puts images out there that are not the truth. Right now, more and more I am seeing the importance of supporting others to build a loving relationship with themselves including self worth, self love and appreciation not thinking it is sought outsides from others. Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are lighting the way.
Raymond I like how you have written that your children are your role models and that you are theirs – there is an eqaulness in this which seems to be rare in this day and age, and I say this because quite often the wisdom of children is over looked and dismissed.
Thanks Julie and this is what I was just discussing with Meg, I agree. We find a reason, any reason to dismiss what is right in front of us. Why would we want to to do this?, responsibility, true responsibility. The fact that we are responsible for every thought, action and word we have. To big it may be said but that is how it is and in fact when you live with this as an awareness life actually is easier, it flows. We have made the word ‘responsibility’ the big bad wolf, when in fact it’s a key to freedom. Confused? This is another sign of what we have done with the world when people are fearful of taking more responsibility when in fact if you live more of it, you feel a freedom that you have been craving for.
I love this Raymond, it is written with strong authority: “We have made the word ‘responsibility’ the big bad wolf, when in fact it’s a key to freedom.”
My absolute favourite part of this blog is where you describe how whatever age you are people are watching and learning from you, therefore we have ultimate responsibility the whole time to walk the truth we know, and never less.
I like this Meg ‘ … walk the truth we know, and never less’. This really does reaffirm that any and everyone can be a true role model based on the inspirational way that they live their lives, rather than it being about being in a certain position or having celebrity status.
Thank you Meg and we so often categorise people. There seems to be a small window in life where you are considered worthy of listening too, the rest you are either to young or to old. We have so much division in our world that at anytime you can find a reason to dismiss people, as I said to old and young, male and female, your not a parent, you live in that area, you don’t have money, you have to much money, you don’t work in this industry, you have no experience etc. Many many reason are available for us to dismiss the simplest reflection in front of us, to dismiss the responsibility and as you say, “My absolute favourite part of this blog is where you describe how whatever age you are people are watching and learning from you, therefore we have ultimate responsibility the whole time to walk the truth we know, and never less.” hear hear.
I have noticed this too Mary, ‘I have the same respect for Serge Benhayon because he walks what he lives, just as we can feel when someone is angry or moody you can feel a stillness in him that is unshakable’, during a course someone fainted, there was a lot of panic and people started to rush around, it was amazing to see and feel Serge remain calm and not go into this panic and simply deal with the situation in this way, it made me realise that we think we have to behave a certain way in certain situations, whereas actually staying consistently steady and ourselves is a much more effective way of being and then we know exactly what is needed, he is an amazing role model.
Being true to ones self is the greatest role model and “True role models are everyday people doing everyday things’ pretty much says it all.
Hello Steve and while this is a simple comment and quote it provides us with so much. We seem to aloft ‘role models’ on a pedestal as something we should live up to. Where as we are saying here there is no pedestal and in fact we are all role models at different points for each other and it comes from nothing we do but more a quality we already are. Nothing to live up to and nothing to do but connect deep to ourselves and live the truth of what you are feeling. We aren’t truly defined by what we can do, the quality we live in every way is the marker.
I can really relate to looking up to others and then trying to be like them, only to find that it doesn’t quite work and similarly, that I am still left feeling hollow and empty and that somehow I have failed to meet the ‘good’ and/or ‘nice’ person criteria. Over recent years this has been changing as I move further towards accepting me for who I am, including the strengths and talents that I bring which fit in nicely with what others have to offer. It’s a much more spacious and relaxed way to live when I am only taking responsibility for me being me to the best of my ability.
Yes, well said – trying to be this and that in order to fit in, please everyone and change one’s colour according to the surroundings is a very exhausting way to live and takes us further and further away from who we truly are.
This blog is a great reminder for me that we are all constantly reflecting and influencing each other in very encounter we have with another human being.
You write that “I would change the way I did things the moment someone reacted badly – I wanted everyone to be happy with what I did and to see me as a ‘good person’”. I feel this happens so frequently and it leaves people unfulfilled and forever hankering for more and better – copying and trying to outdo each other is a very exhausting and also quite dishonest way to live, no matter the apparent good intention.
Ray this on going relationship with people is crucial and doing it with the responsibility of what it truly means to be a Role Model is super inspiring. What you have chosen in your life and continue to turns the modern person upside down. Without any trying the way you are living is totally exposing the loveless way we have all accepted as being normal. Way to go Ray – I’m right beside you.
Ray, I love your description of a true role model – spot on and something that can equally be applied to women!
We limit ourselves so much when we compare to others beside us, and allow what we do to be dictated by others are doing around us. With this cycle in place, no true change can happen as we are constantly measuring and staying within the status quo. We need to have the strength to listen to what we feel in our own bodies to be true, and act on this – regardless of whether it is the same as our neighbour. When others see this is possible, true freedom is allowed in them too.
So true Amelia- we definitely limit ourselves i.e. hold ourselves back when we compare ourselves to others and feel we must keep the status quo, to fit in, not be judged or ridiculed, and fear criticism or rejection.
When we instead have the strength to’ say it as it is ‘ or act on what our body is trying to tell us, we feel more empowered, and can offer another to do so also.
I love this, Amelia – “We need to have the strength to listen to what we feel in our own bodies to be true, and act on this – regardless of whether it is the same as our neighbour.” Comparison is a killer, as it robs us of the truth that lives inside us, the foundation of relationship with ourselves that supports us through life every day.
“We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do”. This comes from knowing who we truly are and not getting lost in seeking approval from others and it takes a true commitment and responsibility to ourself first, knowing that what follows is a reflection for others to feel and see. Thank-you Ray for being a true role model and for this very inspiring blog.
It’s so important to call out what is a true role model and what is not. I’ve certainly found that when I was growing up, I was always looking up to the popular kids and then wanting to be exactly like them. It’s not something I have thought about a lot, but on reflection it’s crazy how much I modeled myself off others. These days I’m far more interested in building my own self off a model that is far more sustainable – being true to me and discovering what that means.
When I read your sharing, it remembers me on my old life – always trying to achieve something, to do something. There was never really a stop – a stop to consider, what life is really about. I was so identified with the doing, that I can feel the exhaustion in my whole body. I love how you expose the lifestyle bubbles, we can create as men and how you live as a true role model.
The greatest gift a father can give his son is to be himself, not impose any ways of living onto his child and steer away from the macho posturing that holds back so many men from creating intimate relationships with their sons. I was fortunate in that I didn’t have a macho Dad which I feel definitely allowed me to stay closer to my gentleness that I now cherish. However there is always so much deeper a father son relationship can go and how supportive that it can be to allow young boys to deal with the onslaught of stereotypes that they are expected to submit to, such an important part of this is to express feelings and deal with issues that arise by talking and listening.
I absolutely agree Stephen expressing how we feel is so important to do in all our relationships. As Raymond states in his blog “I have found that if I do my best to do or say what I feel in any moment then I am better prepared for whatever comes next”. This is so true and something I am discovering in all relationships whether that is within my family, to friends, the bank manager or at the checkout.
Hello Caroline and at times we automatically think by ‘saying what we are feeling’ we are going to offend or hurt someone. I have found at first this maybe partly true, in that things can come out a little sideways but if your dedication is consistent to ‘say or do what you feel in any moment’ then by the time you have got to the next point you are already building something different. Naturally we all care and it won’t take long for that care to be at the forefront of what you do. This care can only equal the care you are having or showing yourself though. In other words if you want to care for people more, then bring that deepening care to yourself consistently and naturally it will be in everything you do thereafter, no need to try. I love what you are saying about what you are discovering in all relationships, this from my experience is how to continue to deepen yourself and how you are.
‘I don’t have a public face and then a face for my friends and another one for my family. The face I have is a constant through all areas of my life’
Yes Ray I am learning this too, every moment counts it does not matter where we are or with who we are or what we are doing or not doing. It is our responsibility to live our life being a role model 24/7. I was like a chameleon, playing a game with my self, never considering that what I felt on my inside was true and the pandering, pleasing was of no benefit for anyone, now I know how harming this has been for myself and others. Being a role model myself is feeling my solidness and living from there and knowing that every step on my way back to me counts.
“I looked up to many sportsmen who were great at sports but their personal lives often seemed to be in turmoil. So I looked at them and realised that I only liked the parts of their lives that worked, I didn’t really like the whole package. I just allowed myself to see the part of their lives that I liked – such as the money and fame – while choosing to ignore the parts that didn’t work.” Isn’t this what we all do when we look at sports people, or film stars and TV celebrities? Behind the facade of success often lies an emptiness and drive. This is what we choose to ignore and do not want to see. In terms of living the real deal and the whole package there are very few true role models out there. Serge Benhayon is that role model for me. He has simply shown me what it means to be myself.
Raymond what comes through so clearly is that a true role model is what that is absolutely responsible, whilst what that person may do or how they may act in the details is different – true responsibility from the very foundation and quality we choose to live is the type of Role model the world is calling out for.
True role models are those that inspire another person to be the real them. There’s nothing more that can be asked of anyone – as then we have another who understands them selves as you describe Ray, simply there inspiring others by the way you live.
This blog shares so clearly that it is not about the doing, but how we are in everyday live is what is truly inspiring for others. There is no need to be anything, but ourselves. That takes of such an enormous pressure.
This is true Benkt, ‘There is no need to be anything, but ourselves. That takes of such an enormous pressure.’ If children leaving school knew this there would not be the drive to try and succeed at college and at work, the pushing ourselves to be better than others to be ‘successful’, it would not be about what job we did but how we are in that job. This would make life so much more simple and enjoyable.
So simply put Benkt, a powerful statement.
So true Benkt. It’s quality that shines brightest. Being who we are, living from our love, whatever follows ignites hearts.
As you say Raymond we constantly look to each other and are looking for role models for whatever our goal is in life and while we are unaware of this fact we end up in believing that what we are living is us and do not realise that we have taken on something from the role models we have chosen.
For me life was always about comparison and to find ways the feel myself better than the other and never I truly connected to the fact that this way of living exhausted me and kept me from truly evolving and live all the capacities and qualities that I can bring to this life but instead I had chosen a life to stay small and contracted. I can now see that I had constructed this way of life through some people I used as role models in my life, heavily competitive and alway striving to be better than the other, while their lives where not truly successful.
Becoming more conscious about the fact that we are using role models to look at, I can now see the importance of having true role models in our lives that live and behave in coherence with what they talk about, and that I am also subject of being a role model and taking my responsibility in that. This responsibility I am willing to take as it will not only support me but so many others in finding the true meaning of life, which is to evolve and return to the the lovely men and women we innately are.
We are all role models, everyday, every where we go so it really is up to us to be responsible for what we are reflecting out to the world. No need to worry about what others are doing, but just to be aware of the way we are choosing to live and how that will then affect every one around us.
Lovely blog Ray, thank you for being a true role model. I have been inspired by you many times.
I love the realness and authenticity I feel here, and how you see being a role model is an ongoing relationship between people. With the advent of Internet, everywhere we look we seem to have so many self-made role-models on anything and everything, who strive on performing a picture perfect ideal of how they perceive a modern life should be and are very happy to offer advice. On the other hand, there are many who feel inadequate no matter how much life experience they may have and continue to seek out those willing role models – the common thread here feels to be the lack of true knowing of who we truly are.
Clayton, I love what you have shared in this blog as I fell for many of the same traps of bettering myself and trying to be good. I am slowly undoing these by taking responsibility and being more of me.
I agree Katie and feel that is a key point. It is never about perfection, it is about the love we have for ourselves and others.
Thank you Ray. Your description of a true role model is so accurate, one that I have discovered since becoming involved in Universal Medicine. It is here that I have been inspired by true role models by the way they have chosen to take responsibility and live the love that they are but it has also opened my eyes to others and how we can all be role models in one way or another, that we all have something to offer, at seemingly the perfect moment, if we choose to be aware.
Yes Kate, no need anymore for judgment or comparison… after reading this blog we can let all this go and start to appreciate everything that we and everybody else brings. Or on the other hand have the understanding that someone might choose not to, which will however not change the value of what they hold the potential to bring.
“A true role model is someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living. This change is then lived every day, and not just in one part of their life – it changes in every part of their life.” Such a powerful sentences, love it. When I was young I tried to copy so many ways to live and nothing felt really true, because I never felt truly inspired. There was one aspect I liked, but others not. It always felt incomplete and it was like a picking of good things and ignoring the “negative side-effects”. Today I am blessed with many amazing role models around me as through Serge Benhayon I have come to understand that we are all equal Son’s of God and are all one.
Indeed Rachel, copying a behaviour that does not belong to us will never work and as you and Raymond say we need to be inspired by people and from that work on ourselves to that we have felt to be the evolving next step this inspiration has brought to us.
So true, every expression is needed, if anyone holds back what they have to contribute to humanity we all miss out, as that one aspect will be missing as a part to the whole. So trying to be someone else ultimately does not work.
Such a great blog about the truth of role models. We are always role models no matter where we are and what we do as there are always others who observe us and therefore have us as a point of reflection. To role model is not something we do in certain aspects, but the consistency we live in. I love that you say “we are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” We are role models for who we are! Very awesome reflection your blog Ray!
‘I don’t have a public face and then a face for my friends and another one for my family. The face I have is a constant through all areas of my life’ – This line stood out for me in your blog Ray. How many of us change the way we are in different situations, environments and with different people… I know I’ve spent years trying to be the chameleon at school, wanting to fit in and not stand out.. What I’ve found is that with tech addictions, mental health problems and drug/alcohol/smoking use becoming super common from a younger age, someone needs to step up and offer a reflection to young people that there’s more to life than depression or self-loathing, and in order to be that person you can’t change faces constantly throughout the day.
This is so true, only something that is steady can be a true inspiration.
That would be a very exhausting and dishonest way to live, changing colours like a chameleon and moulding ourselves to fit into what is expected – and yet, we have all done it I daresay.
Yes Susie I totally agree. To not put on a ‘face’ in life, but simply live the truth we are is the most natural and energetic way to be. Anything else is just not us, simple as that. Being this truthful leaves one to feel how grossly and utterly out of balance and fake the world is.
I enjoyed reading your blog Ray. Always learning from watching people it’s never really what they say but the way they are in life, if they were being real, that’s the way to role model – feeling free enough to be yourself.
Yeah that’s true Shelley. We can’t help but observe people all the time and often we hear people saying the right things and that can have us interested in knowing more. But the real inspiration comes from how people are actually living, and the way they walk the walk and not just talk the talk.
Your words here Shelley, Feeling free enough to be yourself is something that can be a challenge at times especially when we have stepped away from ourselves and so need others that are walking their talk to remind us through their own loving reflection, hey, you know who you are, come back.
I enjoyed reading the part about how a true role model inspires another to make true changes for themselves. If the person we are looking to as a ‘role model’ doesn’t feel to live responsibly or at least make an attempt to do so in all areas of their lives then the inspiration they offer is limited and often not lasting.
The difference between someone presenting a facade that is alluring and someone living what they present inside out and upside down…it is the solidness and authenticity in the latter that is my inspiration.
We are all inspired by someone, the question however is if they are true role models or not? Serge Benhayon and Raymond Karam are true role models because they walk their talk.
Yes Elizabeth, “Serge Benhayon and Raymond Karam are true role models because they walk their talk.” This is what brings the inspiration! There is not once ounce of fake-ness, or false fronts between them.
Elizabeth, this is a great point – how often do people actually question the quality behind their role models? Do we care to look behind the immediate facade?
Raymond thank you for sharing this and the deep responsibility we hold to be true role models. Growing up there were, on reflection, no true role models even though everyone around me became a role model in some way. However the really important point you share is “A true role model does not put on a show or a facade.” That quality is rare but one that is deeply needed.
‘It seems to me now that being a role model is simply about taking responsibility for the choices I make in life, and choosing to be as honest as I can be, without trying to be perfect, and then seeing how everything I do affects those around me in one way or another.’ Being our authentic self and learning and evolving from that place is all we need to do.
Lovely point Jenny. And so as we learn and unfold our authentic self then so too do we role model that evolving – the role model is therefore never a static model.
Great point Rosanna, a true role model is ever evolving and ever committed to inspiring another that they can be the same.
I love that – a true role model is someone who is being and expressing their true self. There is so much to consider in this about who we feel is doing this, if not many then why and how do we turn that around.
’ Being our authentic self and learning and evolving from that place is all we need to do.’- Jenny I love how you simply and succinctly explained what a true role model means.
Thank you Ray for showing what a true role model is.
Thank you Raymond for sharing your experiences of looking for and being a role model and I love your definition of a true role model as ‘someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living.’ I was especially touched by your acknowledgement that your children are also role models for you and feeling the equality in that statement.
I love and appreciate everything that you have so beautifully expressed in your comment Mary, especially “The Kingdom of God is inside me, always.”
hear hear Eva, Ray is a true role model and not just as a man and as a father but an inspiration for everyone.
‘I was constantly trying to keep everyone happy and be the person I thought everyone wanted me to be’. This is a well trodden path for me and practically everyone I know, and its exhausting because I’m constantly on alert checking around me to see if I’ve got their nod of approval (and if not then the whole facade comes tumbling down).
The alternative you are describing here Ray, to live consistently in all aspects of life, can only be achieved if we simply be ourselves – everything we are in that moment. That way we are not constantly trying, but instead have a commitment to just being. This is what has inspired me from other students of the Way of the Livingness like yourself and Serge. Its super simple, practical and at the same time inspiring.
Simple, inspiring and absolutely within reach for us all – living in the moment, feeling what is needed and being open to present ourselves to the world – what’s not to love?
Thank you Raymond for sharing your life and the role model you are , amazing and beautiful to feel and know is true . This is inspirational and very loving and poses so much to feel and live, beautiful .
There is a subtle but huge difference between being ‘good’ and being ‘true’. I know that when I have tried to be ‘good’ it is all about trying to please others and as a result I give my power away. Being ‘true’ however requires complete honesty which may or may not be acceptable to others, but ultimately gives everyone the choice to be true too….or not.
Yes! I completely agree Rebecca. One is about saving face and keeping the peace so to speak and the other is about honesty and openness to be yourself despite others not wanting to hear, see or feel it.
Hello Rebecca and I agree. But how do we discover or become aware of this “subtle but huge difference between being ‘good’ and being ‘true’.” It starts with a connection to how we are feeling at any given point, this simple meditation was a great starting point for me https://www.universalmedicine.com.au/services/free-audio-library/gentle-breath-meditation. It supported me to feel how I was actually feeling, gave me a settled point to stop at and a consistent point to come back to.
If as you have suggested here Ray that we are role models all of the time, this then begs us to question what exactly are we role modeling and calls us to have a deep level of responsibility in how we are and the way we live knowing that this is being reflected to those around us who will mirror our behaviour. This is not about putting on a responsible face, but living with true energetic integrity so that the quality of how we are living can be felt and inspire others. We are all connected, perhaps we just haven’t realised it as yet.
A deeply beautiful blog Raymond. I especially love the words ‘,We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.’ How utterly true. Being a true role model is not about creating a picture or a story of deeds, it is allowing the love and truth that we really are to be present in our bodies and in our movements and expression. This, everyone can feel, especially babies. I am constantly blessed by babies smiling at me from supermarket trolleys when I am shopping. We simply enjoy each other in that brief encounter. In their openness and bright beam of love they are my role models and I am their’s.
Raymond this line about parenting was not bolded and yet it jumped out at me ‘I live what I say first and then I don’t really have to say it at all’, it made me think about how much we, as parents ‘counsel’ our kids about behaviour from our mouth pieces rather than from just living it.
I agree Alexis, there is so much truth in that line, actions really do speak much louder than words and by living in a way that feels true for us serves everyone we meet.
I agree Alexis, this is so true yet children respond to actions not words.
Raymond your article is literally crammed with wisdom that has come directly from your body, it is packed with great advice that is given with no hint of a push or even an ounce of investment as to whether or not it is taken. Amazing stuff !
I agree Alexis, it is written as it is with not an ounce of imposition… a beautiful piece of writing.
There is such gentleness in this article, and more than that there is understanding. Understanding for men and what it is like to be a man in this world. I loved the realisation that it often seems like men are watching each other do things, assuming that those who are successful must know what they are doing, but the truth is that we are all pretty much making it up as we going along, flying by the seat of our pants.
To be inspired by someone, truly inspired, is life changing. One inspires by living and expressing with the authority of their experience and no more than that. Serge Benhayon has inspired me by living no more than he is, and by doing so allowed the realisation that I am already everything that I ever will need to be.
“How I was or how I chose to be always had an influence on others around me; the only question was whether I wanted to accept that fact or not” – and herein lies the responsibility that we all have, all of the time. Young or old, man or woman, the quality that we hold affects everyone around us – either in the same house or the same neighbourhood. We cannot escape the responsibility we have to one another – and this can be hugely confronting, but equally hugely empowering as we find we have the keys to unlock living in a truly harmonious society, by the quality we each live in.
The deepest form of role modelling is when we show that is it possible to be who we truly are.
And there is no judgement or punishment when we come back home only ‘welcome back, glad that you are here again!.
The quality of an amazing role model is evident in your sentence Ray: “I don’t tell my children one thing and then do another thing myself. I live what I say first and then I don’t really have to say it at all.” This is true role modeling, whereby your actions are a constant confirmation of what you have already imparted to your children.
Yes kids are not stupid and when what a parent does is incongruent in action with what they say, it speaks volumes. They do not listen to what was said, they follow what they see and feel. What we role model is felt and seen before it is heard.
Yes, indeed. It is beautiful to see another claiming and embracing not only the way they live but the impact they know they have on others. It is very powerful, both in what Ray offers to the world and in inspiring others to do the same. Great example of a role model!
We are all role models in every moment simply by the way we live. And as you said Ray, it is that simple. It is no more than the way we live. I have been inspired by watching the way someone walks or how they take something off the supermarket shelf, or how they show respect to the person next to them in the queue. It is not grandiose things that inspire us, but the simple things in the way we live our lives. I don’t think money, fame or beauty really ever inspire anyone. It is something people want to achieve but it is not about how they live. Being a role model is about how you live.
Raymond you have so beautifully described a trap that many fall into. If we are trying to keep everyone happy and morph into what we think we are expected to be we have left behind our own feelings. Defining your morals on what other people might think is sort of like abdicating responsibility. In an attempt to be a ‘good man’ we end up acting irresponsibly. There is no substitute for holding your own conscious as your guide, learn form life, and be open to the reality that those given the highest esteem in our society may have something to learn from the truth felt in our heart.
I always love reading about what you write as you write about real life and your family and being a man, but most of all I have a sense of a man who is honest and true. You live true to yourself Ray and this I find very humbling.
Reading your story growing up Ray really highlights how important the way we live is. Everything we do matters and is being reflected to others. This really does ask us to consider with responsibility, what are we truly reflecting in all our relationships and in the way we live?
Great topic Ray, it is true we are all role models for each other but we are not all true role models. The role models I have been inspired by are those that are being true to themselves going about their business without the need for any recognition. Thank you for sharing.
This is a delightful blog to read. As well as breaking many myths about the concept of role models we tend to hold in society, it truly brings home the responsibility each of us have in how we live. Not a single choice we make is just for ourself – every choice has an impact on everyone.
Hello Golnaz and you have grabbed the essence of this blog perfectly, “it truly brings home the responsibility each of us have in how we live. Not a single choice we make is just for ourself – every choice has an impact on everyone.” Here, here.
I can relate to what you have shared, and also see it a lot in life – the constant measuring up and seeking of a better life. Being a role model has a lot of responsibility attached – it means you cannot just live however, because thats not just damaging you, its damaging others to. We all have a place in this world, inspiring each other and ourselves to live more of who we are.
Raymond, I love what you share about role models: ‘True role models are everyday people doing everyday things’- another myth exploded. I particularly like your discovery that it’s not about copying or being like anyone else but being honestly you.
Yes indeed Kehinde2012′ another myth exploded… no trying, no goal, but simply being who we are; nothing more needed… I love the simplicity.
Raymond Karam, you are one very inspiring man – the way in which you share your reflections is deeply humbling and something for us all to deeply contemplate. ‘We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.’ Beautifully said – thank you!
hear hear Eva, Ray is a true role model and not as a man and as a father but an inspiration for everyone.
This is a great point Eva – we are true role models from the quality we are living not from what we do.
When somebody – like Serge Benhayon – is living his talk, there is no doubt, because you can see the truth of his words standing right in front of you. Can there be a more powerful inspiration?
Humbleness & honesty are the keys to unlock the door back to who we really are: stunningly simple and simply stunning.
Thank you Michael, I totally agree – humbleness and honesty and we’re back home to us – keeping it simple, no striving for perfection.
Bringing it back to simplicity is awesome. Not striving for perfection creates ease and openness and that is truly inspiring.
Absolutely humbleness and honesty is the key, keeping it simple.
Love that Michael.
Hello Michael and I agree there are many ‘simple’ keys for us to return to this very natural way of being. The big key for me is to truly live what you are saying first. As many of us are realising more and more, man for example have a deep and natural care, so live that in everything you do. Not just at home or behind closed doors but live it in every moment with everything. We are often reluctant to choose these qualities or values but this care is no sign of weakness but is strong and holds many things just by it’s simple presence.
There is so many qualities in life that we have got backwards, twisted and warped beyond recognition. “Strength” is one such quality. Unyielding hardness is what it has become associated with. It has called for men to believe they must be made of stone to survive in this world. My experience has been that I do not feel truly safe around people who rely on this way of being for their strength. The hardness makes me feel on edge, uncared for…not ale to be myself, and locked out from their heart.
So is it strength or defensiveness – a fortress built to keep everyone out?
What if the greatest strength a man can have is to be the deeply caring being he is? In everything he does?
I have met men who live in such a way, and in their presence i know I am safe. The door to their heart is one and I can melt, knowing that not only am I cared for, I am truly seen for who I am.
When we live who we truly are we become consistent. We are not holding up an act, which is ultimately as draining as it is false. It is the consistency and the honest rawness that build incredible strength.
And then adding appreciation and confirmation into the mix and wow what we end up with is the depths of the Universe.
“I don’t have a public face and then a face for my friends and another one for my family. The face I have is a constant through all areas of my life”. I’ve looked at this long and hard Raymond and self assessed me. What I have noticed is that through the dedicated self care that Serge Benhayon introduced several years ago, the face I now have is just the one. It is remarkable how taking care of myself has eliminated the games I could play with putting on the different roles to suit situations. The question now is why would I want to be anything else.
Love it Monica, lets start a true revolution, inspiring others to feel safe and free to be the “real and true” them – free from impositions of thinking they have to be a certain way to fit into the world. Crazy how we allow this continue but deeply inspiring to know their are those that have stop this game and chosen to return to who they truly are and inspiring others along the way.
True Susan, we have become so accustomed to not being ourselves that playing an act is considered normal. Yet it is exhausting and contributing to our growing rates of illness and disease. Beautiful to read just living you is truly inspirational and the role models that the world needs.
I love this statement…”In the past I assumed being a role model was some kind of achievement… now I can see that it is an ongoing relationship between people…” Everything certainly does come down to relationships… Marriages, business, health and wellbeing… with the most important relationship being the one we have with ourselves.. self love and self care form the foundation of all relationships and true role modelling.
Serge Benhayon is the most inspiring role model I have met to this day – his consistency, love, wisdom and deep care for humanity is heavenly.
There is so much I could comment on in this blog Raymond – I love all that you have shared. I can very much relate to the living up to an ideal and pleasing others…but that clearly didn’t work and was exhausting. We have a responsibility first and foremost to be true to ourselves…that responsibility then naturally extends to all whom I come in contact and reflect the quality of me and how I am living.
It’s great to take a step back and to look at who has influenced you in your life – for you to be the person you are today. We can then see if there is any good or bad influences and change these or let go of these accordingly… By looking at Why we changed for these. (For me I feel I definitely have fallen for wanting to be nice and good to be accepted). But by what you have shared Raymond it is up to us to be who we are, which is in turn brings the responsibility back to us anyway. We chose to take them on – so it’s time to take them off! We chose to walk away from our light, so we are the ones to choose to connect back to our light (ourselves). Thank you.
beautifully said Arianne, we are our own role model as well. Being connected to our light is a great source of inspiration! It should be what we go to for advice.
I agree Ray, it is about understanding that everything we do, say, think, and how we are in every minute has an effect on everyone, so we are a role model whether we want to be or not. Our choice is for living as honestly and lovingly as we can or pretend to live something we are not. The latter might create a successful rich celebrity role model, but the former brings something of truth into a world that is hungry and desperate for it.
The world rarely honours us for who we are, but rather honours us for what we do. It is natural then when we are young to look for role models in life that show us the best way to receive adulation – in other words we tend to pick people who have some sort of success. But in doing so we conveniently ignore the fact that underneath these people may not necessarily represent the truth of who we are and could be. We gloss over the obvious flaws in the way they may live, as long as they are “successful.” Thus why we have a world that is enamoured by celebrity, but not one that is enamoured by love.
It is natural to look for role models – and what if what was presented back to the young people of today is that they are already enough in themselves… that they have all the answers within, and they too can be an inspiration to us all (young and old) for the tender, caring men and boys that we already are. I’ve seen examples of this recently where kids have stood up for a particular point of view, or spoken out against some abusive behaviour and it is so inspiring that they are willing to express themselves because they know it does not feel right.
Beautifully said Adam
Raymond this is beautiful to read and know and is such an amazing awareness to come to and live for yourself also. Serge Benhayon has certainly shown the world what a true role model is lived in every way and is the inspiration we all love to be too.The realities of life and how we have lived is a stark reminder to how we can truly live from truth and our choices with responsibility. Thank you.
I agree Ray that we each of us inspire one another by the values and qualities we live by no matter our age “everyday people doing everyday things”.
This is the most beautiful genderless blog about role modeling I’ve read so far. Thank you for this expression! A “true role model” as you say is then one who has learned to stop creating dependencies to the outside world concerning self worth, life attitude and a connection and understanding to and from the inner heart. That’s inspiring for everyone!
Beautifully said Christina. I agree that when we no longer need to be confirmed or recognised by the outside world, the power that naturally comes from knowing and living who we are, through our connection to our heart, is reflected through all we do and this is so inspiring to feel from another.
There are so many messages in this blog that I could comment on , Ray. The one that pops up at the moment is the one about how children are great role models for us. This has been an amazing learning for me and I now see my children as my practitioners as their wisdom and clarity is awesome. Sometimes I cannot bear such truth but I would not want it any other way!
Yes, children carry much wisdom naturally, something we would be wise to take note of rather than be lead solely by our ideals and beliefs of how we think this world is or should be.
“I live what I say first and then I don’t really have to say it at all.” This says it all Raymond. Live by example and we don’t have to explain ourselves or risk falling into preaching. The way we live is felt and noticed by those around us.
Boys are influenced heavily by the men they look to as role models, what they choose to align to in those formidable years may as well be set in stone for generally men know themselves from their behaviors and are adverse to change. I can easily relate to the way you have described studying the men around you Raymond and finding these men had admirable qualities in some areas, but it was always at the expense of other areas of life. It seems like us men are looking to each other for approval rather than reflecting on life and living from what we feel we have learnt from it.
The question of what is a role model is one that as a community is an important one to ask. I feel we put people on pedestals for an ability that they may have, lets say a sporting ability, and they become hero’s/heroine’s based on their skill or performance that others look up to…”I want to be just like them” Is this really a role model? I remember following the yearly Tour De France France every year when Lance Armstrong was racing. I loved watching him race, his tactics and what he presented. I didn’t believe the media talk at all on this drug taking behaviours, thinking that there was no way he would do this, given his cancer history. But this was all to be true and the lies he was living were exposed. He was a role model to millions of sport stars as well as those experiencing cancer. My point here is how are we determining a role model, because of the apparent ‘good’ they do or how they choose to live? and do they need recognition for what they are doing? If there is any need for recognition there is no role model.
“a true role model is someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living. This change is then lived every day, and not just in one part of their life – it changes in every part of their life.” This is beautiful Raymond and gives a true meaning to what a role model is.
Yes Jennifer, A true role model lives from the authority of their natural self.
Yes Jennifer, we have been very mislead in this world but only because we have chosen to veil our true sight and not allow ourselves to see and feel the truth of all things.
For me it comes back to responsibility- how much we are willing to take responsibility, the more we will be just ourselves and reflect this to the world. Then nothing matters more, than what feels right, we don´t need anything, because we know this is the role we gotta play in this live. Being who we truly are, with no compromise.
I have many true role models by now, Simone Benhayon is one of them and it is great to be inspired by her and finding my own way to express me in full. Being inspired but not copying is the key to truly grow into your own power and strength.
It is interesting how we relate to the idea of role models. On the one hand we look for one but also we are for others. The first one is always clear, but not many people would accept being a role model for others. Hence, there is like a cloud of lack of self worth that makes us a bit blind to what is real. Yet, this is not just it. The fact that we do not see us as role models gives us a licence to avoid the responsibility that comes with accepting to be a role model. So, at the end of the day, it is all a game around (ir-)responsibility.
Wow Ray this is Amazing, thankyou for sharing. I really love the simple way in which you write. You have brought up so many great points and your blog touches on so much more than just “role modelling’ in the sense of what people see us do and say. You have shown us that our every way of living is picked up. Thanks for sharing how exhausting it is to constantly ‘put on a face’ to go out in the world and show, and how trying to build our character by trying to please others just inherently doesn’t work and leave us feeling empty.
Hello Harrison, thank you and I agree, “You have shown us that our every way of living is picked up”. We spend so much, well I spent so much time trying to get things right when all I needed to do was connect (The Gentle Breath Meditation) and feel what to do next. Life was a complex maze of juggling and acting and then frustration and regret, exhausting wasn’t the word for it. We need not keep chasing things like this and as we are showing from this blog and comments the real power is already with us. We only need stop running and realise this. The world is built to keep us on the run so looking to the world isn’t the answer at this point but more connect which gives you the space to read the signs. Thanks again Harrison.
Raymond, I find it interesting how many of us try to achieve for our children what we did not get from our parents.
Like your dad who grew up without financial stability and then spent his life working hard to make sure that wasn’t the same for you.
It is as if we are always going to be left with some sort of gap to fill or prove to the next generation in order to do everything right.
But what about the love that is offered beyond the need to be successful? In all the true role models I have come to know, the one common offering is the unwavering love they give. To feel that is more full and inspiring than any success I have seen from another.
The simplicity but utter truth of this is amazing. The Benhayon’s unwavering deliverance of love is un paralleled, and as you say Hannah, this is more full and inspiring than any success seen from another.
That is really beautiful Hannah.
It seems that we end up chasing the tail of the generation before – only to leave a gap for the next generation to try and fill.
Totally agree Hannah and that seems like it would be the answer, give your children what you didn’t get and fill the gap. This doesn’t address what the gap was about though and merely just fills part of the hole. As we are saying here there is more to this then just filling the gap and the quality of love is it. What children want most is just you, to be seen and loved. When we grow up we are just bigger physical versions of the same thing. You could say everyone loves their children in their own way which I would agree and then we would move to the quality of love. Not in judgement of better and worse but by the simple fact there would need to be a constant marker of love, a quality, otherwise everything would be balanced at this point. Seeing that at the moment we are still missing the mark it would reflect the quality of love we give ourselves and then everyone else isn’t true for this time, so what needs to change? The way we are with ourselves, the love we bring, the care and again we could say we do all these things but what is being reflected is saying this needs to deepen. Every day is a commitment, a dedication to more. Not doing more or being more but of deepening the love we have for ourselves consistently, this then is in our every move thereafter, with everything and everyone.
Gorgeous Hannah, this is so true. It does seem that we have lost sight of living in a truth-full way as a result of exhausting ourselves from trying to live a supposed ‘right’ way to fulfill the love that we are in essence initially missing and have separated from.
I agree Raymond, Serge Benhayon walks his talk and that is something rare in this world at the moment. Feeling him do this has been deeply healing and empowering myself to do the same. In the end isn’t this the way we all would love to live like?
Yes Lieke – this is what we all crave, but what most have strayed very far away from.
“I heard everyone speak about him and saying he was a ‘nice bloke’ or a ‘good man’” Reading this line I could so feel how so many men are hidden in this ‘being a good man’ without realising how incredibly amazing they are without doing anything but just from who they are.
Hello Lieke and it’s almost what we try and aspire to, at least for me it was, “being a good man”. As long as you get most of the people you know to think this, then you have succeeded. It had nothing to do with anything other than how others saw you overall as a person. I learnt from my Dad how to achieve this and there was just a few key boxes to tick. I’m not critical of anyone but just to say that it was a ‘face’ a ‘facade’. Now what you see is just simply me, no show or ‘good’ bloke approach just to the best I can naturally be myself. It may not always look the best but you can feel the honesty and dedication in it. My shoulders are much more settled and I know that all I need do is settle myself (The Gentle Breath Meditation) and allow everything else to be. A solid and consistent approach to life.
Thank you Raymond for this enriching and interesting read. I have learnt a lot, and I feel to appreciate what I role model – and the fact that what we role model is either healing or harming to another – but like you say a true role model is one who takes full responsibility.
I love how you put that Doug, I feel the same – Serge Benhayon is also my role model and a steady point of reference I can always come back to when I have sort of lost myself a little.
I love that analogy Bernadette – “the door is always left unlocked and the light is always on…” to make totally sure we always find our way back should we have left for some reason…
Part of the enigma of Serge Benhayon is how despite so many people looking at him as a role model, his head does not swell, he does not take on any investment in being a role model and simply keeps living and expressing what is true for him and therefore remains very obviously light and burden free about who he is. This helps me to understand the enormous amount of energy and vitality Serge has for doing everything he does and not getting exhausted.
Raymond you are again through your very livingness showing us all what being a true role model is, living who we are with consistency, love and true care. A beautifully inspiring piece.
Wow Raymond I so enjoyed what you have shared here as it showed so clearly the role and responsibility we each have to live ourselves in full. “It seems to me now that being a role model is simply about taking responsibility for the choices I make in life, and choosing to be as honest as I can be, without trying to be perfect, and then seeing how everything I do affects those around me in one way or another.” Such a powerful statement that brings it all back to the way we are and the choices we make, not perfection or an ideal but bringing truth and honesty to the way we live. An absolutely supportive and brilliant article.
Gosh Raymond, what a very honest blog. You really open the door, giving insight into how it can be for men, which as a woman I really really value Raymond – thank you.
This is a great blog that challenges the prevailing view on role models and shifts it to be the responsibility of all – ‘everyday people doing everyday things’ – and in doing those things, inspiring others to make true and sustainable change in themselves. You provide a fabulous insight into the world of men too and how role-modelling plays out in it from an early age.
It would be an amazing shift – from the age of celebrity that we live in today, to one where we have billions of leaders in everyday life. That would change the game altogether.
It would be Simon Williams. Totally amazing. And something else I have realised from reading this blog and the comments on it – is that ultimately each person has the choice as to what they feel a ‘role model’ is. For me – a sports star, musician, celebrity seem to have faded as any kind of role model and a man who is reared to live his life with simplicity and integrity and care has leapt to the forefront. Imagine as you suggest a whole world of men who chose that – instead of what we have now in politics, sports, business, and families. A whole different world would come to be.
Hello Simon, I agree and how the world has changed for me also. I still look at these ‘role models’ like the sports star etc but I see differently. I used to think these were the pinnacle, the arrival points of my life but as I arrived at some of these there was a moment of elation only to feel an emptiness again. These ‘things’ were hollow even though they promised so much. I’ve stopped chasing cars like this and taken a deep care to myself and what I feel in each moment. This same care is then there for everything else in my life. No pinnacles but a simple appreciation to everything I see. Life is grand in the most simple place and no need to go anywhere, love it.
I used to get very annoyed when I noticed others were copying what I was doing. And much to my even more annoyance, I used to find myself copying my mother, my sister, my cousins – people who were close to me and I didn’t consciously look up to them or wanted to be like them, but I was very affected by the way they were. So true that it’s not that certain people choose, or are chosen to become a role model, we are all constantly reflecting on each other, and the way we are do make impact. As you say, being good or perfecting a role is not what is being asked for, but the one thing that so very few are living – that is just to be ourselves.
Hello Fumiyo and this is true. I remember growing up and getting upset when people copied me and I also watch this in the children. I am guessing this is from us not liking what we are seeing, not that it’s the person doing it but by the fact we don’t like how what we have done feels and to see it replayed is a reminder of that. As you are saying this is confirmation “we are all constantly reflecting on each other”. So it not down to controlling how a part of us looks and so people see a polished performance, it’s about what the quality of reflection is, what are we putting out there for everyone to truly see. Remember, a reflection doesn’t just happen when you stand in front of someone, everything you are, everything you live is being reflected all the time and it doesn’t matter that it’s done behind closed doors, it all can be felt. You could say big responsibility and I would agree but this is simply true responsibility.
Raymond, I love your observations of men, role models and life in growing up and as you are now with your family and all you meet. A role model simply by being you.
Hello Sally and it shows how from very young you knew when something wasn’t ‘it’ but yet for whatever reason we didn’t honour or follow that feeling. Now all we are doing as you say is “being you.” Not something new but returning to something you always were.
There is a commonly accepted but false notion that role models have to be perfect. True role modelling does not first come from putting on the term of this role, it comes from living from responsibility in absoluteness, not in perfection. True modelling does not come from what is done, but from the absoluteness that everything done is held in, with this responsibility, there is just one face and one life.
Absolutely Adele – I feel that’s where it is easy to loose ourselves, by not accepting that a true role model is never about perfection but to just be who we are and share that with everyone, and in that, be a reflection that they too can be who they are.
Yes, Adele. Our mistaken definition of role models are those who show how to do something or live in a certain way by their actions alone not who they are. Yet we set these people up up on a very fragile pedestal that is easily toppled by the stones we throw when they do not live up to our standards of perfection.
Yes Adele – true role modeling is not about being perfect. A real role model doesn’t hide anything – he is expressing himself in full.
Someone that I feel safe with is always a person who accepts me as I am. They may not agree with all my behaviors, but they see me as equal. There is no trying, they are simply breathing their role modelling without intending to, they are just being themselves. People are true role models not because they say or do anything, and certainly not because they are telling others what to do, they are simply in a constant relationship with themselves and with God, for nothing can be faked and put on as show. And whether such people are seen and received as role models—depends solely on how much the receiver feels a relationship with themselves and with God is familiar or welcomed. Role modelling is not a role, it is simply taking responsibility in expressing true relationship.
Lovely Adele, …”they are simply in a constant relationship with themselves and with God,” What is more inspiring than this. In is not so much in the ‘doing’ but the quality of the ‘being’ expressed
‘People are true role models not because they say or do anything, and certainly not because they are telling others what to do, they are simply in a constant relationship with themselves and with God’ and are thereby a true reflection for others in the consistency of their lived way.
So beautifully said Adele Leung. We have a choice in what we choose a ‘role model’ is for us. It does not have to be what society says one is.
Hello Adele and this is to true, “Role modelling is not a role, it is simply taking responsibility in expressing true relationship” No playing around or power struggle just a good old fashioned dose of responsibility, thank you.
The word that comes to me reading your experience Raymond is ‘performance’. As you illustrate so spot on its likes everything in life is a measurement of who we are. Even being ‘responsible’ and ‘loving’ can be twisted this way. This is contra to the simple fact that every man is a beautiful tender being way before any action, task or duty is done. The irony too is that this ‘performance’ stuff gets in the way of us just being real, honest and true and these are some of our most beautiful qualities as we can all see in you.
How accurate Joseph “performance”. Life is not a performance and yet so many of us think it is, I know I certainly thought that way.
So true Joseph, ‘The irony too is that this ‘performance’ stuff gets in the way of us just being real, honest and true and these are some of our most beautiful qualities’, I can see how these qualities are not appreciated and encouraged in people and yet these are what is important, the focus always seems to be on what we can do and how well and never the simplicity of who we are and the beautiful qualities we already, naturally have.
Thanks Joseph and the best antidote for the ‘performance’ is the truth. So the more men that live true with no performance the clearer this will become. Speaking about it is great to bring awareness to it but it’s in the livingness where the true work is done, it all comes down to how you live. We talk about this for hours but it’s best if we put it on the ground, see you out there.
That’s the freeing change from trying to do good things to observing the quality in which we do things.
Absolute Raymond, this blog has so much to it. I can literally start to talk about every single sentence, yet what I felt was the ideal (perfection, picture) I had around being ‘good and not good’ too. I have been living in a way that was hunting my ideals not my love.. As I honestly feel and say. It is now , since I met Serge Benhayon in 2010 in the UK that I realized I have ideals but never ever do I am them, I am actually love (and I have felt this deeply so) this is what I have re-learned as I had forgotten. From this place I am commiting to life from, no longer the emptiness of my love-less choices (from not knowing who I am). I am now free to choose the love I know I am 100% part of, I now discard all the lies, ideals and believes, so do I make space for love.
Great sharing Raymond and for being an ambassador and a voice for men… expressing with truth, sensitivity and love. It’s so refreshing to read such simple down to earth wisdom. A role model indeed!
Hello Merrilee thank you. It’s really lovely to receive the appreciation from a woman such as yourself. Reading your comment I also love how simple and strong you have shared what you have, straight to the point, no nonsense, clear, yet so warm and has everything in it. A reflection for you perhaps.
“We can all be and we all are role models in our own way. I have found that in every relationship there is something to learn. In every interaction, whether at home with my wife and children, at work with customers, at a function with friends or at the service station getting petrol, there is something for me to reflect on.”
As soon as we are not learning from another, we are in separation to another fellow brother; we may have gone into judgment, comparison, arrogance or something else,
In this we loose the opportunity to learn and evolve no matter which the other is, we can always learn.
“We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” This is so true Raymond, what we can do changes and does not always have consistency, for example as we get older we cannot do the same things we did whilst we were young, yet the quality and presence we live in can have a consistency in it, and we can meet all others in this way, without changing our selves from one person to the next.
I often place a huge pressure on myself to live up to a certain picture or role in life and feel great when I can achieve this, receiving others love and approval, but then cannot always please others and feel devastated and fall into depression as a result. This is a very exhausting way of living particularly being a perfectionist, always trying to keep everyone around me happy, which is not possible as everyone has their own stories running.
Hello again Thomas, could the ‘huge pressure’ be another point we are not wanting to feel something? It would seem to me life is about feeling energy and so at any point if we go into a behaviour or pattern we escape feeling something that is there. As you would know ‘huge pressure’ or ‘no pressure’ seem to be similar, both are not feeling deeply what is there at that point. The rest from that point is just more of the same. The next time this ‘huge pressure’ surfaces I would take a moment to feel, a stop. It doesn’t need to be for long but a conscious choice to feel what is really going on.
I feel the competitiveness in what you are exposing about how we as men are always watching other men to try to learn and then improve ourselves or better ourselves, but its never directly asking them as that would be shown as a weakness in us, more a sideway glace as you described. All of theses behaviors are coming from a feeling of being less, and that we need to be different or more, and are looking outside for the answers, rather than connecting to the magnificence we all have inside and living from there.
Hello Thomas, yes and that’s why we are redefining what a ‘role model’ looks like. The world has set things up to be a certain way and we are a part of ‘that world’ so we have had a hand in it. It is common for us to look at a part of something or someone and ‘want’ that without having a look at the whole picture. We can’t just have a part in isolation from the rest and so when you see something next, look and feel the whole thing you maybe surprised at what you see. It’s not that we don’t appreciate parts of things or life but it is about seeing everything first and not being blind to a part because of an investment in what we need.
Reading your blog Raymond I realized that when I was young and growing up, other boys modeled them self’s on me, at times I was a natural leader and role model, then later in life I started to give my power away to others, living I a contracted way and not expressing what I was feeling. I feel I never really wanted the responsibility of others looking up to me, as I had to be accountable and yet people never have stopped looking up to me, in all of this I feel I don’t appreciate what I bring to others, and who I am, although I’m working to bring appreciation more and more into my life.
Hello Thomas and as we are saying everything in any moment reflects something back to us we just need to prepare ourselves to read it. If we support ourselves truly in the way we live then it doesn’t become about role models, responsibility or contraction it just all becomes a natural flow from who you truly are. If we are living in ‘what we bring to others, accountability’ etc then there is something missing from us, a deeper connection to how we are feeling in any moment. The world doesn’t bring us the answer we are the answer to the world, self responsibility.
I remember saying to my parents that when I grew up I wanted to live on my own in a big house and drive a red car. I don’t remember ever wanting to be like any of the adults around me because it felt like none of them were very happy, particularly in their relationships. I ended up for much of my life trying to emulate what I thought were the best bits of others, while hiding the bits of me I thought were not so great. Just writing about that makes me feel tired again, because it was truly exhausting. Thankfully because of Serge Benhayon, a very inspiring role model, I have come to see that I have a part to play, which is just as important as anyone elses. I am the only person who can be me, so why not be all of me, all of the time.
Let’s face it Ray, it’s about time we understood that we all need to step up to the responsibility that we are all actually role models for each other. It’s all about responsibility – and whether we choose that or not – to take on the responsibility to be honest and see that how we are in every moment can either inspire or dull another.
Hello Gina, I agree and what we are doing here is redefining role models and bringing it back to a self responsibility. There are all manner of names we can give to the things we should be doing, in the end if we live with a deep connection to how you feel in any given moment then everything will be there for you naturally. If “everything is energy” then it would make sense that everything would need to be about feeling that energy.
In reading “True role models are everyday people doing everyday things” just warmed me up from the inside out. There is no trying to be anything, no need for identification just observing another going about their daily activity in the fullness of themselves. Yet the trail they leave behind is one of inspiration and an appreciation of being touched by their presence. I feel a story book for children (or adults) in the making here Raymond. Beautiful sharing thank you.
Hello Marion and I agree this is great and clear way to live. That’s the secret isn’t it, “Yet the trail they leave behind is one of inspiration and an appreciation of being touched by their presence” You aren’t out there looking for reward, favour or accolades but more living in a way that supports you first and then goes out to everyone else. If life is about energy and people then what better way to lead this. To truly appreciate the detail of life, “True role models are everyday people doing everyday things” is the way forward. Our focus of where role models are is upside down and next time we walk down the street we may look at things a little differently, thanks Marion.
“We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” That is so true, Ray, that is the key to a true role model. We have to be living true to our real selves. That brings up the big word, responsibility. If others are to be looking to us as role models, then we have a responsibility to be living a true life, deeply connected to ourselves. For me, Serge Benhayon is a very true role model, he is deeply connected to himself and he lives from that in every moment of the day. The best role model I have ever met, and I owe so much to him for my present realisations. We are not what we do, but who we are deep within, and our role is to live from that which is deep within, the knowing that we are equally Sons of God.
Hello Beverley and I agree “Serge Benhayon is a very true role model” but he doesn’t wear it on a billboard as an achievement. It’s a by product or as a result of living how he lives. With a responsibility for how he is with everything, with every moment. Taking the time dedication to be deeply connected to how he feels at any given moment and then from there stepping in that same connection. He by no means lives secluded either, he is very public but is able to hold that connection in all situations. It’s not perfect but it’s very self responsible, honest and loving.
Only last night I was observing my husband and I, a bit tired and frustrated as we went about our end of day chores, but I observed our two children were joyfully engaging in separate activities that felt awesome. This inspired me to change how I was being at the time. My children are absolutely super role models for me.
Great to see Gina, this is the living action of love or the commitment and responsibility you have to yourself and to what you are ‘putting’ out there. As you are saying the children at that moment were leading the way but they weren’t doing it looking sideways at you for you to change. They were just living the moment, connected to what they felt and not in reaction to what you were doing. This, if you are open can pull you out of any situation or moment if you allow it. This is great parenting and a great way to live for me, thank you.
Awesome Ray. I felt many things whilst reading this. I love the point you raise that we assume people who are wealthier or famous etc are assumed in society to be role models. But what I got from reading your article is how each person we interact with can be a role model. In my every day there is someone who inspires me – I am now open to look for it and it can come from anywhere. It helps me understand we all not perfect but by being open and willing to learn we can see each other’s strengths to support areas in our own lives, we are then working together for the greater good. I love taking the time to appreciate what it is about the person who has shown me something – it feels important to confirm it in others so they continue to live and inspire.
Hello Gina and this is great, thank you. I love where you are taking this, leading the way. All of us have a value or are of value in the world. Some may have it hidden more than others but none the less, value. In any given moment there is always something to see to appreciate. It’s not that you are blind to all else but you see the person in front of you first rather than everything that is ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’. Most people don’t need to be ‘changed’ necessarily but just need to be seen and appreciated for who they are and not condemned for what they are not. I love how you present this Gina, “It helps me understand we all not perfect but by being open and willing to learn we can see each other’s strengths to support areas in our own lives, we are then working together for the greater good”
A great blog, Raymond, thank you. It is great what you are sharing here, how boys take on so many beliefs and ideals from the various role models they have, starting with their fathers. And some fathers are not role models for what would be regarded as a ‘good’ father role either. I so admire the way that you are breaking out of the mould of the ‘good’ father. And in doing so, you have become a really great role model for your own children, to be their true selves in all that they do. Thank you for being a great role model for us all.
Thank you Beverley and being a ‘role model’ is not something I aspire to do or have set as a goal for myself but more it is a by product of living responsibly. This is the same for being a parent or father, I am one, fact but do I see myself as one?, not really. Again this is more of a by product from living with this sort of responsibility. It would seem that live from feeling and a deep connection brings many things as a bonus and these are just 2 of them. The intention and dedication always comes back to yourself (responsibility) for how you are and what goes on for you in any situation or moment in life.
“We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” Such a clear and powerful understanding Ray. All the qualities that support how we live are reflected to everyone in everything we do. If we are in achieving mode for recognition and power then that is what is felt. To connect to ourselves with integrity and responsibility for actions and purpose then there is a very solid and true foundation being reflected to those that receive our quality of intention.
Hello Sandra and I love what you have highlighted here. We so often get caught in the outside presentation that we forget about the quality. Just say when we are organising a presentation, if every step and every interaction is about the end product, how it will be seen and that being the most important thing, then we forget about everything and everyone else. It’s not that you don’t take those things as considerations but what if you were organising the same presentation and every step was based on connecting to whoever or whatever was in front of you. So seeing every moment as the most important moment and not just the end result or product. Wouldn’t any presentation contain the sum total of how it was organised? This is just an example and doesn’t mean we don’t do anything but saying let’s take more care with every step of our life, no matter if you are washing the dishes or selling an office building every moment and every person is just as important as the next.
‘I am a role model by default…..by the way I live’. This takes all of the glamour and rock-star-ness out of role-modelling, which is now a frequently referred to term in the corporate and community sectors. It is taught as something that we do through our inspiring activity or aspire to, but what you present Ray is the opposite to this. Role modelling is totally natural and we are all role models to each other in some shape or form; there is something to be learned from everyone we come into contact with. But as you highlight, it’s really important then that we bring to the world all of who we are through our quality of living, and not what others want us to be or we think we need to be.
Hello Stevie Cole and this is very well said, “Role modelling is totally natural and we are all role models to each other in some shape or form; there is something to be learned from everyone we come into contact with. But as you highlight, it’s really important then that we bring to the world all of who we are through our quality of living, and not what others want us to be or we think we need to be.” I agree and if we took this approach to life the world would be a completely different place I think.
As I was reading this Ray, I realised how much we do watch each other and take our clues about what works and what doesn’t from each other. I dropped a cardigan once and Serge picked it up and brought it over to me and in each of his movements and the gesture of passing this to me was so full of love and care, it was amazing. All these years later I can still feel how that felt. I am aware of how I do so many things because of the impression of that moment and I am aware that I can do this in each moment too.
Hi Amanda, It is beautiful how such a simple gesture can leave such a strong impression. It just shows how powerful we are or can be.
Ray this is brilliant and a must read for all. I must say I don’t remember being aware of others looking to me as a role model, but now that you bring it to my attention, I am so aware that this must be the case as we are all looking to each other as potential role models. And as you say this comes with a level of responsibility that can not be ignored. Thank you again for a truly eye opening blog.
Hello Laura B, thank you and many of us do this, “I must say I don’t remember being aware of others looking to me as a role model” and what if it is all linked. So you don’t ‘see’ anyone looking so then you don’t have to concern but what if you are the one that’s not looking. In other words the way we live allows us to see what truly goes on around us, so if we don’t see ourselves as a role model from how we live then this maybe a point to bring some awareness too. It’s like the colour car game, I don’t know if you played it as a child but my Dad would say on car trips a type or colour of a car and you didn’t think you had seen any, then over the next few minutes you would see so many you couldn’t believe that you hadn’t seen them before. This relates to what we are saying, just because you haven’t seen it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not driving right past you without you noticing, bring awareness to this and see what you see.
Thank you Raymond for showing in detail how very important it is to have true role models and be a true role model and how we are constant role models for each other no matter the age, thus the great responsibility we have.
Beautifully said Ray, thank you for the inspiring insight into a day in the life of an amazing role model that you are.
One of the many stand out lines in the gorgeous piece; ‘The face I have is a constant through all areas of my life.’ This for me is the mark of a true role model, as is Serge Benhayon an exceptional example of.
Thank you Ray, after reading your blog I can feel my body adjust, my back is straighter, my voice clearer, The power of this article is evident in this slight adjustment in the way this has occurred without a conscious thought. I love that you have presented the concept of everyone being a role model. It cracks open the way our society has been operating thus far. It has been convenient for us to ‘look up to” a selected few role models as it takes the heat off us having to be role models ourselves!
‘…as it takes the heat off us having to be role models ourselves!’ such a great point, a diversion away from our own responsibility.
Hello Sarah Baldwin, thank you and the classic diversion is in place, “It has been convenient for us to ‘look up to” a selected few role models as it takes the heat off us having to be role models ourselves!” It would seem we are masters at avoiding what we need to do for ourselves at times and this is one of them.
Yes Sarah and Ray, the lengths we go to shirk responsibility is ridiculous but it is only the false role models that lead us astray and a true role actually calls us back to accountability and responsibility just by their movements. Just by them living who they truly are unaffected by what is going on around them.
Great call Ray! Acting irresponsible is not truly an option anymore after reading this blog.
Just felt to add my appreciation for Serge Benhayon as an inspiring role model for many including myself as is anyone of us when we are being ourselves.
‘We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.’ Thank you Ray this sentence sums up the definition of a role model as evidenced in my own life. This is so simple and easy to remember as it is truth and comes from my body and living way.
Hello Susan Wilson and yes it makes things very simple. It cracks the definition of role models we have now in the world because most are looked at for what they do alone. If you bring a consistent living quality into the fold then with it brings more responsibility, particularly for what goes on behind closed doors. We can all put on an act but living a consistent quality can be no act, everything you live is with you in any moment, no matter if the door is closed or not.
What i love and appreciate in your sharing of true role models Ray is the everyday way in which we are continually sharing the quality in how we live on a very practical basis. This comes with a level of responsibility however it is also very humbling and true. Being who we are in all that we do and say holds a consistency and steadiness that is often not seen or reflected back to us in the world and others respond to this, they trust this and of course are inspired to know it within themselves.
Hello Marcia and I agree it is all you say. I feel you have captured the whole blog in this comment and I love how you have shared it. We have certainly removed the veneer off what a ‘role model’ looks like, there is nothing to aspire too but more a realisation that we have it all at our finger tips, everything we have ever dreamt of is right there already, no where to go but more just to return. This is a great blog and comments for this return as we realise just this, no where to go, no need, just simply dedicate to whatever is in front of us fully and then repeat (consistency), from there the world opens up. Thanks Marcia.
I agree Amina. Raymond’s blog inspires us to reflect and appreciate our part in taking responsibility for our choices as they ultimately affect ourselves and others equally in one way or another. Our choices can inspire others when they reflect truth and love.
In the end we are all role models in some way or another. The question is will we be modelling the illusion that it is WHAT we do not WHO we are that counts or will we be modelling the truth and inspiring others to do the same? It comes back to every choice in every moment.
‘The face I have is a constant through all areas of my life.’ I love this Raymond because it’s all about the consistency. When we take responsibility for being ourselves and living this way than the world knows what they will get every time. We build trust. In ourselves and with others. This is a true role model.
Consistency is the key here Kathryn, isn’t it – consistently doing something makes it the norm, and when we consistently reflect to ourselves as to others our way of livingness and taking responsibility for all we do, then this becomes just ‘the way it is’.
Hello Kathryn Fortuna and I agree, consistency is a huge key for all of us. The way it supports the world I agree and also just simply the way it supports you. Living and being consistent with yourself builds trust and confidence and from there it goes out to everyone.
Well said Kathryn. A few years ago I used to play the chameleon role very well; changing faces with different people all the time! What happened is that at school (where it happened most), my best friend begun to pick up on it and actually expressed how she noticed that I changed with different people… The world certainly didn’t know what it was getting from me, as I kept changing! I feel a lot better nowadays as I’m more confident in myself, however it’s a work in progress!
Hello Kathryn and I have grown very very fond of that word, “consistency”. This describes the whole thing beautifully, “When we take responsibility for being ourselves and living this way than the world knows what they will get every time. We build trust. In ourselves and with others. This is a true role model.”
Beautiful Raymond, there is so much more to men than the roles they take upon themselves to prove themselves worthy and good. Your blog is an important testimony of another way of being a man, taking responsibility for who you truly are and what you reflect all the time to those around you.
How much pressure we put upon ourselves to fulfill the ideal we created or took on from society. And how relaxing it feels to drop them and live lightly and with no expectations. To actually reflect back the truth to those around you…
Hello Katinka, thank you and the roles we take on as men become very heavy to carry on our shoulders. We don’t need to cope or put up with it etc, we need to make the change ourselves as we are speaking about here, “taking responsibility for who you truly are and what you reflect all the time to those around you.”
Wow Raymond, I love your deeply honest and inspiring blog. You are definitely a true role model. What you’ve shared I can also relate especially about trying to please people. I have done this most of my life and I too felt exhausted. Now, I have let that ‘trying’ go and just simply be myself, letting go of unrealistic expectations, control and perfection.
Thank you Chan Ly and living like this is great fun because so much has changed. I use to live in confusion, doing things I thought people wanted only to fall flat on my face many times and not understanding why. Bringing dedication to the quality I am in and not what I’m doing has certainly changed the game. This is something I am responsible for and in this no more confusion but a touchable clarity. When life was about doing there was highs and lows, when we speak of the quality it brings a consistency to life, a constant terminal to come back to, a foundation to stand on and makes so much more sense.
Great blog Ray and absolutely necessary to keep reminding us that it is not what we do that matters, it is the quality we do what we do is which supports us to be the true man or woman that we innately are and at the same time supports every-one else.
This is such an important point and one that changes everything, ‘it is not what we do that matters, it is the quality we do what we do is which supports us to be the true man or woman that we innately are’, if we live in this way then we can focus on caring for ourselves knowing that it is us that is important not what we do, the world has it the other way way round, so much focus is on what we do and not how we are and thus we are in this situation where there is so little self care an self love and so high rates of illness and disease.
Hello Mary-Louise and we can all do this ‘reminding’ in the way we are and live. In other words bring a quality to everything you do whether it be washing up, driving the car or selling your home. Do your best to treat no moment as being more important than another, they all require the same presence and dedication. If one of us does this you notice the difference in the way they are but if many of us do this the change is greater. We don’t need to be perfect but have an ongoing relationship with the quality we live in, forever deepening that quality until we all feel the difference.
We don’t need to be perfect but have an ongoing relationship with the quality we live in, forever deepening that quality until we all feel the difference.
What you present here Raymond is massive in the sense of how much responsibility we all actually have in every part of our lives. The fact that others consider you a role model not only can inspire them to bring out more of who they are into their daily life, it can if we choose to not be responsible ourselves, also give a permission to think that being irresponsible is actually OK when it is not at all. How often is it that when we start to do things, behaviours or patterns that we know are irresponsible, our children soon pick up on it. We can tell them off but it makes no sense if we continue doing it.
So true Joshua, and I think many people will feel extremely irritated by the reflection children offer sometimes literally copying their behavior.
To be who we are to our best ability is the best role modelling we can do as it inspires others to also be themselves.
Perfectly expressed Alex. Funny thing is I just posted a similar comment to one of your earlier comments. Seems like we are on the same page.
I love the way you are cracking through traditional manhood and the need to be identified by what we do and accepting our equality with each other.
Yes, once and for all Ray brings it back to what really counts – who we are and what we bring simply by our unique expression in living together and learning and inspiring each other. Life is so simple when we expose and let go what makes it otherwise complex and actually loveless.
I agree Alex ‘Life is so simple when we expose and let go what makes it otherwise complex and actually loveless.’ The most inspiring people I have encountered in my life are those who are brave enough to be themselves in a world that demands that you be this or that. It is as simple as that; all we need to do is be ourselves and not try to be anything else. Serge Benhayon is a great example of this.
Hello Kathleen and I agree. There are also many others around that are great examples of this if we look and Serge Benhayon is one. It’s great to appreciate others and include the awareness that the appreciation of what we see in one is equally in us. Like many things in this world ‘we’ are what we see and so in this way it’s always a key to ‘bring this back home’. In other words celebrate what we see in others but bring that celebration home to ourselves. Without building the foundation we hold it puts a limit on what you will see.
Absolutely Joel – I love the depth of sensitivity which can be felt from Raymond in the writing of this blog.
So well said Joel – and what a limiting need – to be identified by what we do – that will leave us very empty and at a loss when an age might be reached where lots of doing isn’t possible anymore, or some other unforeseen event takes the doing away…
It is interesting to read as a woman, what ideals and expectations men are confronted with. It feels so imprisoned to live up to all of the self created roles, we think we must play.. My feeling is there are a lot of false pictures and ideals we put on men and women individually and in the interaction with each other. It makes it all complicated and produces always a disbalance and inequality between the two genders.
We all have many things to bring or teach and many things to learn or unlearn. It’s very humbling and beautiful to feel that really we can’t be all things to all people and that it’s about all of us working together as one. One day we will be there.
Hello Joel Levin and from one man that is very inspired by you thank you, I have read some pieces of your own. I agree identification is huge and really gets in the way of truly being a man. We are very little of what the world is currently telling us we are, as at this point we compete for most things and from all I see it’s not working very well for us. What if we changed our way of thinking? This is a start, thanks again for adding your weight Joel.
‘What if we changed our way of thinking?’ – That is exactly why blogs such as this is so important Raymond, it inspires people to change the old way of thinking.
This is an absolutely gorgeous sharing Ray- thank you.
This line stood out for me ‘By living this way and making a change, people feel it as it is, not just as a spoken thing but something that we bring into our body – it’s solid. ‘ because it is so true.
Serge Benhayon is for me also a true role model. We had much to learn from someone who walks their walk and talks their talk – especially when all of that is from love.
I loved your blog and especially this line – “True role models are everyday people doing everyday things”. This is so true…I was just watching a group of kids together and watching how effortlessly they connected with each other and the tenderness in which they touched. It was very inspiring. They were my true role models in that moment.
Hi Sarah so true there is so much we can learn from all around us if we give our self the space to stop and observe. The problem is that we are often in constant motion and we miss the gems that are all around us supporting us to come back to our true nature.
Love what you shared, Sarah, yes, we often can watch young children, and they can show so much care for each other at times, it is melting to watch them. What amazing role models they can be for we adults at times, some of them have so much innate love and wisdom, and it has not been driven out of them by the expectations we adults can put on them.
I was recently watching 2 doctors talk about a patient. I didn’t hear exactly what they were saying, but I didn’t need to. They not only spoke to each other on a professional level but with true concern for the patient and with a genuine connection with each other as well as the patient. It’s was a beautiful moment to be the fly on the wall. Inspiring as well as blasting a few old remnant cobwebs of old beliefs that I had about doctors out the door.
That is exactly what true role models are. There is nothing grandiose about it. We don’t do grand things every day, but we do do simple actions every single moment. These simple thing can become grand and can inspire others. I once watched Serge Benhayon walk down a hallway and it inspired me beyond words.
Hello Sarah Flenley and yes well said, I agree. There is always something to ‘see’ in any interaction around you if you have your eyes open. Children are great ones for just letting things go and moving on with the next moment as well. There is much in the detail of life that gets lost in our rush or drive to get to here and solve this and pay that and visit this. Dedicate life to every moment in front of you and I have found you will see much more and in that ‘much more’ you will learn much more. We are surrounded by ‘role models’, the true ones are more likely at this point to pass you in the street then be on a billboard.
The idea that anyone can be a role model in any given moment is an absolute paradigm shift for me. I always saw being a ‘role model’ as a ‘being more’ than another but when I read this awesome blog I can feel that true role models reinforce the fact we are all equal.
I also love how everyone no matter their size or age can be a role model. How awesome that Ray see his children as role models just as he is aware of him being one to them. A very special sharing and one schools and educators would benefit from taking notice of.
I agree Johanna, children are so easily dismissed as ‘just being children’ when they have an enormous amount of wisdom that we can learn from if we are willing to treat them as the equals they are and listen to them and observe them. This was a whole new concept to me, as I grew up in an era where kids were never listened and treated as’ just kids’ so I followed suit. This all changed after I spent time with the Serge Benhayon’s family when their children were growing up, it opened my eyes to how to raise children in truth and love. The kids were treated as equals, were respected and given equal air time as the adults and their opinions were taken into account. They were also expected to be an equally responsible member of the family. It was very inspiring and changed the way I am now with children.
“The kids were treated as equals, were respected and given equal air time as the adults and their opinions were taken into account. They were also expected to be an equally responsible member of the family” When children are treated ‘just as kids’ then they get away with behaviour that carries through to adulthood – hence why we see some adults behaving like children! And I wonder if children shown this respect when young are then more respectful of others as teenagers and adults? I would say quite likely, so perhaps there is a great deal to take notice of here in our role modelling…
Yes, Mary-Louise. Raymond has clearly pointed out that we are all role models regardless of age, as we each have access to an all-knowingness which can be lived and observed by everyone around us. We all loose out when we treat children or anyone for that matter as less, so it is awesome to feel Raymond’s honouring of his and his children’s lived wisdom.
I agree, Johanna08.smith, schools and educators would certainly benefit from taking notice of what children can share as role models. There is so much wisdom in quite young children, when they are given the respect and love that they deserve. They could definitely teach the elders much if the time was given to truly listen to them. They can be great role models for the truth that they live, to start with.
Indeed- it would be so good if Raymond’s blog could get out to all schools as an inspiration to all educators and students alike.
So true Leonne, it feels like a redefinition of what it means to be a true leader and that we are all leaders through inspiration of how we live
Yes, I agree Leonne. A true role model is someone who inspires others and never ever thinks that they are better or above anyone else, but like you say they ‘reinforce the fact we are all equal’.
Yes Leonne as we know that people watch other people and hence we are all then role models. I love how Raymond discusses what are we actually role modelling, which introduces the responsibility we all have to each other.
That is great Leonne, thanks for sharing! A true role model in fact shows that equalness is our highest way of being.
Hello Leonne Sharkey and it’s funny how the world is set up and how we see ourselves and others. As we are saying we are all equal and in that we bring a slight difference in the value we bring. So even the way we look at ‘equal’ we think everything needs to be the same so if you have more money then me, we aren’t equal. But equal-ness isn’t about our physical standings it’s more about the knowing that at the first point we are all people, all the same, same red blood etc etc. An equal standing to see each other and from there appreciate the value we all bring. We are here to work together and so as we are saying a role model for that would be any person dedicating to being all they can in any moment. Not merely achieving great things or conquering great feats but just people dedicating their every moment to connecting and expressing what they feel as an equal person.
Hello Leonne and I agree this is part of the whole thing. But a ‘true role model’ never sets out to do this or never looks for it in others. They bring the whole package from how they are and magically everyone gets what they need from there. We have in mind when we hear ‘role model’ be good at something or excel in some area but this is not it. As we are saying the role modelling comes second to how you are, how you live, a quality based on how you are in every moment. Live not connected to what you are doing with yourself and that will be your reality. Live connected to what you feel in every moment with yourself and the reality you see will be a confirmation of what you are already seeing and feeling. A true role model is a living thing that will never tell you anything, but lead the way in everything. Thank you Leonne.
Ray this is a gem of a blog containing much wisdom and insights to contemplate. This is what stood out to me today, ‘I have found that if I do my best to do or say what I feel in any moment then I am better prepared for whatever comes next’ and I want to explore this in my own life as I had not quite seen it like that.
Its so true Josephine I agree, I can feel how in doing and communicating what we feel in any moment allows the freedom and readiness for the next.
It seems so simple, so empowering, and so obvious when put like this. For me to honour this, I need to fully embrace and appreciate all that I feel too.
Hello Josephine Bell and a great highlight I think. What if that what life was all about because deeper to what is being said here is a presence or connection to just the moment in front of you. So not rushing off, running four things at once in your head while you are speaking to someone, not juggling numerous tasks so you can get to friday, just an absolute dedication to the next thing in front of you. This dedication sets you up for whatever you next face in the same way. We often get caught in a routine that doesn’t support this, I have found this way to live most settling. Not getting caught in the past or trying to map out the future but just being as present and connected to what I feel in any moment and just doing that. It may sound too simple but yet so powerful and supportive. This is something you can master but yet there will always and forever be more. Thanks Josephine.
In every interaction there is an opportunity to learn and develop our connection with people. Even though everyday interaction with people is unavoidable it seems we try our best to avoid it.
For example most people avoid eye contact, we cross the other side of the road so we don’t have to pass someone on the local street and we avoid sharing personal attributes with others until we feel comfortable with them.
I have found the sooner I embrace others I embrace myself also.
Beautiful Luke.
The willingness to let people in and allow ourselves to be seen by them for who we are in all simplicity, as well the so-called good as also the not so good features, takes away any expectation or ideal but gives space for being real with each other and hence open to learn from and with each other.
and therefore being true role models for each other.
That is lovely Luke – I find that too. In the past I would not really engage with people, especially when walking or sitting and waiting for something. Nowadays, it is so good to look at people and engage with them and sharing where it feels it wants to. I have found how enriched my life has become by connecting with people so much more, be it people I know or total strangers.
Excellent Luke, you have given us so much to think about, how much we try and control life. I really like this “I have found the sooner I embrace others I embrace myself also” lets all stop avoiding what life is so clearly teaching us.
Well said Luke – in the last weeks I go out more to meet people and every time I meet somebody there is something to appreciate and to learn. I just have to stay open und see how a situation will evolve.
Hello Luke and I agree. We set life up in a way where there is this person and that person to see, this job tomorrow, these meetings, going to this place next week etc. But what if life was about what you feel and the dedication was just to do what was next in front of you and only that. Then after that the dedication was again just to do what was in front of you and nothing else. So like total presence to what was in front of you. Then it doesn’t matter who it is and what they look like, their standing in the community etc, it’s just the next thing in your day or life to dedicate yourself too. What if we saw every interaction as an ongoing unfoldment of your life, so no isolated meeting but all connected. What I am getting at is that when you separate things and people up, divide them into friends, good and bad etc then you miss the blessing of what stands in front of you. If there is a dedication to connecting fully to what ever stands in front of you and you are not standing in the past or controlling the future then everything is there for you in that moment. For at any point in life there is something for us we only need stand present and connected in it, simple.
Very beautiful Ray. I love how you see everyone around you equally as being role models, and that there is something to learn and reflect upon in each of our relationships. It brings responsibility to everyone, and not just a few. It brings equality.
And it honours everyone´s uniqueness and individual expression that contributes to the whole and richness of life, this is independent of age, gender, role etc as it comes from who we are not from what we do.
With this understanding, knowing that we are all equally role models, focus can be with responsibility rather than comparison.
Beautiful Anna and Raymond – yes I love that too – to hold everyone as equal offers everyone the opportunity to shine their light and live as a true role model in relationship with all people, everyone is a role model for every one – how awesome.
Very true Katie, it takes a great deal of wisdom, love and humbleness to truly understand that we are all equal and each have something to learn from the other. Only from a need to be more do we shun equality and look for supremacy.
‘I have found that if I do my best to do or say what I feel in any moment then I am better prepared for whatever comes next. ‘ This consistency and presence becomes who we are so when something unexpected happens, we can respond in the same way – moving our presence and consistency to what has presented. Awesome blog Raymond – ‘home made’ inspiration – I can feel it being made around the kitchen table!
Love it Bernadette. ‘Home made’ inspiration always made from our livingness.
Yes Bernadette wouldn’t it be great if this was the ‘norm’ around the kitchen table as you have suggested. Such simple truths being shared would definitely reflect a true way to model and an awareness of our responsibilities and equalness.
Hello Merrilee and I agree. What we can do is build our kitchen table like this and what ever ‘we’ have everyone will get. In other words if you see something you would like to change, heal it and make the change within yourself and then magically it’s there for everyone. We don’t need to look next door.
Hi Raymond – reading this blog has opened something up for me and really want to thank you for taking the time to write what you have. I am left truly inspired to deepen my relationships with people and with a very clear sense of how I can go about this.
A true role model knows the art of absolute transparency – that what you see on the outside is what you get on the inside. Only a person willing to live truthfully can shine this gorgeous reflection for others, whether the world is watching or not.
Absolutely brilliant Liane, this is so true.
This transparency is too confronting for most of us to deal with, as we prefer to keep our skeletons in the closest and put our best foot forward… so to speak.
What if we lived each day as if there were a camera in our house and the whole world was watching?? How does that concept change our behaviour at home?? I know that when I imagine this, I am more conscious and aware of the responsibility I hold. I know in reality, big bother is not watching you but energetically, it is not far off to me. We all feel everything all the time, that is why, even if Mum and Dad only ever fought in the other room with the door shut and the record player on, it didn’t matter, as you still felt it, we are only really tricking ourselves into feeling like we can hide in anyway.
Wow Sarah Baldwin! I am chuckling away at your comment. What an amazing and insightful learning from our own reflection this could bring, as it would highlight even the smallest detail of where we may be completely unaware of acting in an irresponsible way. Thank you for the suggestion.
“What if we lived each day as if there were a camera in our house and the whole world was watching?? How does that concept change our behaviour at home??”
We are like little children playing hide-and-seek, our faces pressed into the corner, but our whole body is visible to the world. We so long to be invisible, to get away with the little pockets of mischief that are OK as long as no one sees them…
But what if we were to live like we are constantly on film and being recorded? This is not far fetched, because every thing we do leaves an imprint. It is not on film, and may not be visible to our eyes, but it is a recording that our heart and body can register. As children we knew this. As you say Sarah, we could feel mum and dad fighting in the bedroom, as clear as if there were a camera taking it all in and playing it for the world to see. No fake smiles could cover it, no amount of pretence that mummy and daddy love each other could paper over the cracks.
Likewise, when are not honest in our dealings in life, we cannot hide the fact, no matter how clever we are at concealing and subterfuge. We sense this too when we meet people who are not quite straight. It makes us suspicious even though we cannot see evidence that backs our feelings.
That is why it so beautiful to meet a man like Ray. What you see and feel align and in the alignment you start to feel trust again. That is what makes him such an incredible role model.
This is a very revealing concept Sarah, I could say that I live true to myself, make my own mind up and live by my own conscious, but the concept of a camera watching my every move does expose the things I do that I don’t want anyone to know about. Who am I fooling with this irresponsible behavior? It is clear there is another level to go to.
And this totally undoes what we have known role models to be up to this point – as someone famous etc as most of them are not transparent and what we see in the public eye is not what we get in their private life.
Ah yes Liane, that is well expressed indeed. Total transparency with nothing to hide for all the world to see – that’s where it’s at and shining from that place is just awesome.
This is so true Liane, someone who lives a considered life with integrity honesty and consistency is confident in themselves and has nothing to hide from others, nor need their approval.
Love this insight on true role models and transparency. Thank you Liane.
When you meet such a person you can rest deeply, as your senses are not fighting each other. When we meet a person full of pockets of concealment, our eyes see a “good” person, but the heart and body may be saying “be careful”. The tension between the two can result in confusion until we develop the eyes that see from the heart.
Wow Rachel I love what your share as it is so true – these tension your describe is also so exhausting and therefore I am a real fan of developing “eyes that sees from the heart.”
Me too Ester – best developed by acknowledging what we feel, if only to ourselves.
A transparent thing allows the light to pass straight through it. The clearer it is, the greater the amount of light that is transmitted.
And what I also wanted to add, is that the clearer the object, the purer the quality of light that passes through and out of it. A clear person is no different to a clear object. They become of vessel for the light of the soul, and through them it shines in all of its purity on all life.
This is exactly it Rachel. We allow others to see the light that we are. There is no need for walls where truth is lived. A true role model is someone who commits to dissolving the walls that stand between the love within our hearts and the outside world, and in doing so become a beacon of light for others to see that they are also this one same light.
What I love about your response Liane, is that it does not demand perfection, rather the will to develop a body that is a clear vessel.
This is the antidote to perfection – in itself a quality that keeps the walls in place, so impossible it is to attain. Love asks for no perfection, just a deepening surrender that allows the walls to melt, revealing more of itself to all people.
Well said Liane. The transparency is perhaps the key to a true model. When a person lives consistently that is what inspires others. This can’t be turned on or off and all our actions affect everything we do. When we accept this responsibility and claim this power then inspiration is offered in everything we do. This is not possible when consistency is not there. And when it is there, there is nothing to hide and transparency becomes irrelevant.
So well said Liane. We need to be consistent and absolute through and through. Serge Benhayon lives this as a reflection to all of us and a reminder that it is possible and he is no more special than those who stand next to him, it’s available for anyone if we are willing to allow that level of love into our lives. It’s just a choice.
Wow Liane – yet another very powerful ‘knock you socks off’ masterpiece!
I agree Liane! There is a certain responsibility in being a role Model, because we are always reflecting something to the world. Is it the truth of God we know inside? or is it the way we have learned to be, which fits in and doesn’t offer a true reflection.
Wow Liane, this comment is revolutionary and exposes very clearly what it is to be a true role model. How many “role models” do we have today that if we got to scratch the surface and really see inside their lives would we be truly shocked. Sports players, musicians, actors and etc. what we see on the outside is very often not what is on the inside.
Hello Liane and this is so true, a role model that lives the same inside and out. Often we have a public face, a family face, a work face, a social face, a sport face, a parent face, a relationship face and then a private face. So many faces and so little time. Truly there is only one face and the rest are impostors, it’s not a case of live like no ones watching but more live like everyones watching. In other words step into the responsibility that we all reflect what we are all the time, no matter where you are or who you are with, I agree, “A true role model knows the art of absolute transparency” and would say a true role model lives naturally the ‘art of absolute transparency’.
This is so true Ray, we are all role models all of the time, but what is it we are actually modeling to those looking? Are we modeling how to be true and authentic in a world that is quick to accept, condone and celebrate the complete antithesis to this – the shiny façade of the ‘good wife’, the ‘adoring husband’, the ‘obliging child’…when really, underneath it all we are miserable, angry and overwhelmed that we can’t fill the shoes we have laid out for ourselves? Or, do we dare to live the love that we are, to the best of our ability, and in that others get a true reflection of who we really are, from where we actually stand, in shoes that actually fit? As you say Ray, it is about honesty not perfection. Thankyou for your wisdom shared.
“Or, do we dare to live the love that we are, to the best of our ability, and in that others get a true reflection of who we really are…” And to role model the love we are requires a depth of honesty with ourselves and a responsibility for all our choices that few are prepared to go to because the focus of life has become all about the world outside of us and living up to our perceived expectations and or others expectations.
Very inspiring Liane.
The reciprocal nature of role models is really key, we are constantly learning from one another. And so it it crucial that we are aware of exactly what we are modeling. “We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” this really brings home the beauty and the power in taking responsibility for our own lives and the way we live. I know that it is my role to live to the best of my ability so that others can see there is something to be trusted, and be inspired to make changes to their own lives. This is certainly how it happened for me, by observing and learning from Serge Benhayon and other female and male role models that show me that same lived consistency.
So true Rosanna “The reciprocal nature of role models is really key, we are constantly learning from one another”. I love how you share “I know that it is my role to live to the best of my ability so that others can see there is something to be trusted, and be inspired to make changes to their own lives……”
Hi Ray, I love what you have shared here “In the past I assumed being a role model was some kind of achievement… now I can see that it is an ongoing relationship between people.” This is so true and I also love the point you have made about us all being role models for each other. Both points highlight our ongoing responsibility to be all that we are. Thank you for sharing yourself so generously.
So many people in society today do see role models to be about isolated achievements. It’s quite concerning rally because on one hand we could have a child admiring someone for one thing they did but then in that persons private life they behave quite poorly.
For me this line says it all when it comes to living love and truth ‘By living this way and making a change, people feel it as it is, not just as a spoken thing but something that we bring into our body – it’s solid. ‘
We need to teach our children and allow them to see all of a person and to support them to see life as being a whole package that we are each responsible for the role we play.
Indeed, Kathleen. For me it was a big breaking point when I realised that being a role model does not mean to be perfect, but to live what you feel is true. We all have our very unique qualities and if we all live them, all of us can be role models to each other.
Well said Kathleen. Becoming a ‘role model’ isn’t necessarily an achievement, but a responsibility every single one of us has. Some may argue that there is no one in their life who looks up to them or wants to ‘copy their behaviour’ as such, but there are constantly other people around us observing the way we move, how we live and how we walk/talk, be it on the street, at work or in our families.
That a interesting point Susie, because up until now I had considered a role model to be someone who was near perfect, yet being a role model is more about every little choice all of us make and the reflection we pour out to the world. That can be in the smallest gesture or moment of action, it doesn’t have to be a big expression for it to be large in its importance and influence. And this can happen at any time.
“I have come to the understanding that a true role model is someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living.” This is so true Ray. My father, I feel, believed and presented this but did not manage to live it. The first man that I have encountered who truly lives this model is Serge Benhayon and is my inspiration, as he for countless others.
Hello Jonathan Stewart, thank you. I can see many men and people knowing this, “I have come to the understanding that a true role model is someone who inspires others to change something for themselves: not by copying what they have seen from another but by making a true change in themselves and in the way they are living.” but not being able to live the consistency part. It’s not a perfection or even a performance evaluation but more a dedication to just every moment no matter where you are or what you are doing.
I’ve found it exhausting living up to a picture or ideal of how I should/could be, or how I think others think I could/should be… In fact I didn’t realise how exhausting this was at the time, nor was I particularly consciously aware of these expectations (whether imposed by myself or others)! What a relief it was to come to the awareness that these expectations were all external, and that often in order to meet them, I had to be something I naturally wasn’t. It’s been a slow and continuing process, but the more I have connected to self-care and the quality in which I’m living, and making and honouring choices based on what feels right for my body, the more I’ve been able to discard these expectations. It’s definitely a work in progress but thanks to the teachings of Universal Medicine and the inspiring example of Serge Benhayon, I can absolutely say it’s far less intense and exhausting than it used to be… which involves simply being me!
This is such a great article Ray, anyone who reads it cannot but be blessed with the wisdom imparted. So many of us, if not all fall victim to looking outside of ourselves for what is deemed successful and worth striving for, constructing a version of ourselves based on the successful parts of others yet all the while denying our own ability to live in connection to ourselves and what we can bring through that connection. In this, there are no facades, just the solidness of being which inspires all who still fall victim to thinking the upkeep of the changing facades is the only way to be and showing them that there is in fact another way.
Hello Samantha Westall, thank you and yes we have all at some point chased the car in front of us as you say, “So many of us, if not all fall victim to looking outside of ourselves for what is deemed successful and worth striving for, constructing a version of ourselves based on the successful parts of others yet all the while denying our own ability to live in connection to ourselves and what we can bring through that connection” As you describe this is a role model for our world, “live in connection to ourselves and what we can bring through that connection”.
This completely shakes up the perception of what a role model is. How good is a famous or wealthy role model for life when our lives are completely different from them? If we are trying to model ourselves on these images how will we ever cope with a life that requires us to take out the bins, do our chores, pay taxes and go to a 9 to 5 job on the bus/subway? Real life role models are far grander and richer and make much more sense! Thank you for this blog Raymond.
This is excellent Leigh! Thanks for sharing. I agree totally. Its the stuff like “take out the bins, do our chores, pay taxes and go to a 9 to 5 job on the bus/subway” that is our everyday way of living, so why isn’t this embraced in all the glory it could be? We are told to admire sportsters, actors, musicians etc, but its our everyday livingness that really matters.
Harrison that’s exactly it, it’s our everyday Livingness that matters, not semi ring sportsmanship, actors, musicians. Society has got it all confused, they have lost the plot, wasting time on admiring others than focusing on the vevryday Livingness of the self.
I agree Harrison, we are looking for our role models in all the wrong places, it is a quality that emanates, not found in fame or fortune but a willingness to be humble and deeply loving that we all need to recognise and embrace.
Well said Leigh – love your way of expression. It adds a reality and practicalility to what a role model is.
Hello Leigh Matson and yes to real life role models instead of chasing the dreamy role model. We often grab an image of something we want for a part of our life to make it better or to make us feel better about our life. A true role model is someone with a quality in their life that touches all corners, a living quality rather than an excelling in an area. Life is so much more when we open our eyes further to ‘real life’.
“It was as if men were guarding what they were doing but also looking sideways to others for something that was ‘better’” reading this line reminds me of observing some guys in the gym, as I watch them they often are very protected, have a guarded stance when talking to one another, comparing themselves, and sometimes side glancing in the mirror to check out their body, you could even say looking to see who is better.
Which is in complete contrast to who they really are.
I so agree Gyl, as this is what I have observed too at times when doing my exercises in a gym. When I hear these men grunting with enormous effort they have to put up to do what they ‘think’ they need to do, all I can think of is their poor bodies – and what for, to have a six-pack? This is not serving to allow them to feel their beautiful tenderness within, and the comparison to others and their bodies makes it just so much worse…
Gyl this is an excellent example of what Rays blog is about and we see men behave like this all the time. Competing for false acceptance of each other.
Hello Gyl and I love the gym and working with my muscles in this way. A big part of the gym for me was competition especially with your mates. I thought this was just how it was and even though it didn’t make sense some of the time I did it anyway because I thought it was normal. Now with the Gentle Breath Meditation and me being more aware of my body the gym is completely different. I go there to train myself and it’s based on what my body needs and what I feel. So one day it could be heavier weights the next light, depending on what is going on. My old routine in the gym was a focus on beating someone or something even if I went alone you would go after a personal best or similar. The gym is another great learning ground on how things feel rather than following what someone else is doing.
This is so true! The gym is a great place to train yourself and retrain your body to move and work in a different way. I find it also adds a focus and commitment to my day that’s super useful.
Yes in truth not only checking themselves out in the mirror in the gym, but also checking out other guys, in comparison, and of course the women, covertly. Much going on when guys are working out in front of a mirror and I agree Gyl, very much that looking for something to compare and model off, or confirm their own facade as being better.
Yes, it is a constant combat to compare like this – a fight without words or action (at times), a competition that cannot be won.
Thank you Raymond – you have offered us a great deal to ponder on. I felt that I needed role models to show me how to live life as I was lacking a connection to my essence. It feels as though I wandered through life trying to grasp what life was all about, and from what I could see of the life lived around me it felt important to meet other people’s expectations of me – I became what you wanted me to be and if I did this well I realised my need for identification. I was being a ‘good girl’ and that felt safe – until I fell from grace. I am now realising that everything I need is within and I would not have found this pearl of wisdom if I had not listened to Serge Benhayon – who as you say inspires great love from the way he lives life, connecting to every precious detail and moment that honours his essence as a Son of God.
That need to be recognised and not having a strong self of myself meant I was always on shaky ground. My intermittent periods of steadiness were very short lived and I would crumble if someone appeared to not like me and/or disapproved of something I said or did. I now have a connection to me that is less rocked by the opinions of others. I am more relaxed as a result and far less exhausted because I’m not expending energy trying to please everyone and keep up an act.
Hi Debra,
I can relate to all you have shared here – it is wise to consider where and how we are best placed in life and determine what we need to be involved in and what we don’t.
Hello Susan Lee and I was the same, “I wandered through life trying to grasp what life was all about”, always looking outside for an answer, help or reason but the world kept turning me back. Serge Benhayon gave me the explanation of why the world kept turning me back. It was because of the way I was looking, everything that lay in front of me came from my own creation. If I wanted something to change or if I wanted answers to the many and varied question I had well then I had to do some work for myself. I was sitting on my hands looking for the world to be a better place instead of standing up and being the world. My world has change because I truly connected to myself and took responsibility for my every step. You can say it was easier for me or that I’m different etc etc or you could watch how I did it and do the same for yourself. I appreciate deeply Serge Benhayon because he alone inspired me back from the brink and now my life is truly great, every single day but this is not just for me this is for everyone, we just need to stop sitting on our own hands.
I think most of us have had similar experiences Susan. Like Ray said the goal post for fulfilling other people’s expectations always kept moving and changing. We are truly blessed to have Serge Benhayon to teach us by example that everything we need is within each and everyone of us.
Me too Susan, only when I connected to my essence, I stopped the need to copy other people or to play different roles. Today I’m just enjoying to be me and that is enough.
“In the past I assumed being a role model was some kind of achievement… now I can see that it is an ongoing relationship between people.” There is something about the words ‘role model’ that we all subscribe to. I can completely understand when you say it is an achievement, it feels that we have made it this way, left it for a selected few, so that we can shirk responsibility in all that we do and all that we are in every moment.
What a great point Jenny. This blog illustrates that a true role model is no less or more than another, we all have qualities that others can be inspired by. When we allow ourselves the space to appreciate the inspiring qualities in others we give ourselves an opportunity to learn and grow.
Very true Jenny, how great it would be if we would all realise that we are a role model all of the time for I am sure we would feel our purpose of reflecting who we truly are too then. Feeling this purpose supports us to take responsibility and live joyfully because of it.
Yes great way to rephrase what a role model is – as any ongoing relationship between people will always offer a point of reflection and inspiration. And as we are constantly in relationship with people, we have heaps of opportunities to practise just that
Hello Jenny hayes and I love that as well, so clear “In the past I assumed being a role model was some kind of achievement… now I can see that it is an ongoing relationship between people.” There is no better way to live then in responsibility of your choices. We have been led to believe it’s some other way when in fact it’s the most free and supportive way to be, the world is truly upside down.
Yes, Jenny that is a huge revelation, I had never considered before that being a role model evoked an image of one or two people setting the example for the many. But role models should not be singular individuals, lone flames of light carrying the torch for the rest, we can all be role models and it is important that we claim this as our responsibility. With everything in life it is always the easy option to sit back and wait for someone else to do something about a problem or issue. But if we all assume that mantle of responsibility, we all become role models and influencers. And that is a grand and impactful way to live that has a great feel to it.
A brilliant read Ray thanks, I love that you look on your children as role models to you just as you are to them. What a difference it makes if we consider everyone equally capable of being a role model and remove the need to put others on a pedestal. I also found it very interesting when you shared about how the way you live is often much more important than any words you share with your children, the unspoken expression of responsibility is immeasurably more valuable than words alone.
I agree Stephen, children are more likely to copy what you do than follow what you say. The young people I work with constantly inspire me. Inspiration can come from anyone at any age.
Hello Stephen G and this is my experience, “how the way you live is often much more important than any words you share with your children, the unspoken expression of responsibility is immeasurably more valuable than words alone.” But we all know this and we have many and varied sayings for it, one old one is, ‘actions speak louder than words’. I don’t know who first said this or when but around where I grew up this was said many many times to me but I didn’t grab the full meaning, until now. This line is again one in the same as what we are saying, if you say this line without living this line then it’s just a great thing to say. But if you were to say this line while living it as your way then that would stop everything in it’s tracks. We can all say things but what quality does it truly hold, are we trying to sway people, convince, be nice, influence, help etc etc. I am not saying don’t support people but let’s be responsible for ourselves and how we live because in every word and action you do is the quality of how you have lived up until that point. If that’s too big well then remember, ‘actions speak louder than words’ so watch your every action out of interest, including thoughts because that is what will speak first no matter the words you may utter.
“Actions speak louder than words”. Indeed Raymond. Some of the people I have looked up to in my life are people of few words. They are humble in whatever they do, do not seek recognition, just enjoy life and those around them. I agree that we are all role models of one kind or another in some aspects of our lives so why not expand it to the whole of life in every moment and every action and thought.
I agree Raymond with ‘actions speak louder than words’ as it is the very way we move as how we move says everything. And the thing is we cannot really fake it as we can act as if we are not angry, for example, but our every movement will say otherwise.
True Kathleen, how funny it is that we think we can hide anything or pretend when our movements and the energy they are done in tells the whole story to anyone prepared to look. And even if we aren’t particularly looking we still get the communication whether we pay attention to it or not.
Yes very powerful Kathleen and it’s an often throw away line, ‘actions speak louder than words’ but yet so so true. If you apply this everywhere and to everything and then it all has an impact or an effect. So we can hide in our words what’s going on but this is only 1 action and there are many others that will speak the truth of what is going on. Who are we really fooling, we are only fooling ourselves. Let you actions speak for themselves and then every word you speak will only be an extensive on what you live, a known. No need for an act because you live what you are saying and the authority you have in that is huge.
I remember as a child being spoken to by adults giving me advice and telling me what I should do. When what they said was contrary to what they did and I questioned it, the old phrase “Do as I say not as I do” came out. How on Earth was I meant to respect what they said? The power in living by example really needs no words. I often find now that because I have a strong solidness in the way I live, when my child does something wrong he knows it and words are often unnecessary.
So true, and it is irresponsibility that uses words without the action. It reminds me of when we complain about the things in life we don’t like, without addressing the behaviours we are living that are the very cause.
I agree Stephen. There is actually much more that is communicated without words than with words. It all boils down to the choices we make and the way we live.
“How I was or how I chose to be always had an influence on others around me; the only question was whether I wanted to accept that fact or not.” This truth should be one of the most fundamental things we learn at school and growing up, that every word, action, movement and thought affects everyone else. We often get told to be nice, kind, etc, but they are all just ways and means of being polite and make no true difference at all.
Hello Gyl and you made me laugh, imagine this, “This truth should be one of the most fundamental things we learn at school and growing up, that every word, action, movement and thought affects everyone else” It would be a hard lesson initially for us but one well worth learning so early in life. We like to think this is not the truth but in fact it is so solid as a truth it’s not funny, we just keep turning away from it, avoiding it or more delaying it. I agree Gyl we could jump back on the ‘nice, kind’ train that will lead us back to the very same station again, time for us all to look more deeply into how we live, it’s a daily or moment by moment dedication.
This is such a simple and yet deep and profound piece of writing Ray – “We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.” The way you have described how we are all role models and how we can support others from a consistency in how we live, is so important. I recall as a young boy just like you, studying other people and being very good at discerning whether they lived what they talked or not. The greatest majority of people did not. Thus, I learned that life was more about image than substance and it takes a lot of undoing of all the images laid on top of each other to return to the substance. Fortunately in meeting Serge Benhayon, there was a role model who looked beyond the image back to the substance and showed me it was still there, complete and able to be lived.
Hello Simon Voysey, thank you. Growing up and now I found it really easy to learn things that I was able to see myself. If people told me something I could grasp the idea but could never really understand fully. That’s what is so so powerful about “the quality we are living from and not by what we can do” because pretty anyone can do anything but are we all doing in a quality that is clear of our self interest. In other words why are we doing what we are doing? What is the true intention? I have seen people do things for all manner of reasons and while a few men have stood out in my life at different times, there is only one I have seen shine day in day out under any and every circumstance, Serge Benhayon. What’s more is that quality I see in him is now me.
I am a woman yet I could so relate to your blog: the need for acknowledgement and appreciation, of recognition and of constantly wanting to be better than before, the desire too to have everyone be happy. It feels so hollow as I write this now as I know that that way of being kept me in the loop of thinking I was getting somewhere and then realising I wasn’t – just like eating sugar it gave me a rush then a down and then an elation again. Extremely exhausting. I am gradually letting go of this pattern in the way that I choose to support myself without the need for outside factors to buoy me up. Having role models such as Serge Benhayon and other members of his extended family is awesome. I have been around them for short periods over the last ten or eleven years and have seen and felt first hand the changes they have wrought in their own lives – absolutely amazing, and nigh on miraculous. Hugely inspiring, knowing we have this in us too.
Yes, Elaine. It’s a great point that you make ‘knowing we have this in us too’… a true role model inspires us to be who we are, to be more of ourselves… as opposed to the many role models that attract us to be like them, or leave us feeling lesser, not good enough etc. This is such a huge difference. One inspires grandness and the other invokes the need to be more.
Kylie, for years I was in awe of my mum, she was just so good at everything, I fought her, I copied her, then accepted that she and I were different, accepted myself. That’s when I changed from feeling less than my role model, and became inspired to be her equal.
Hello Kylie and Elaine and you both raise an important part of this, a true role model is not gender based. In other words they don’t target a particular person, gender or age group but inspire and are available to everyone. I love this Kylie, “a true role model inspires us to be who we are, to be more of ourselves… as opposed to the many role models that attract us to be like them, or leave us feeling lesser, not good enough etc. This is such a huge difference. “
A beautiful blog Ray, thank you! Letting go of the ideal of being perfect and re-building a connection within, establishes a true foundation to live from, as Serge Benhayon reflects with true integrity every moment of his life.
“It seems to me now that being a role model is simply about taking responsibility for the choices I make in life, and choosing to be as honest as I can be, without trying to be perfect, and then seeing how everything I do affects those around me in one way or another”.
Hello Stephanie Stevenson, responsibility isn’t this big bad thing that hangs over you head, more it’s very simple and being a role model equally isn’t a heavy burden to carry. As you have highlighted, “being a role model is simply about taking responsibility for the choices I make in life, and choosing to be as honest as I can be, without trying to be perfect, and then seeing how everything I do affects those around me in one way or another”. Pretty clear cut to me, thank you Stephanie.
I agree Raymond – understanding that responsibility is first and foremost about listening to the wisdom from the body and expressing and moving from this completely changes the way of the re-interpretation of the word responsibility. No burdens or ‘have to do’s’ in sight, only natural living with joy that affects everything around us.
This is a great article Raymond, I have witnessed what you write about here, ‘As I grew into a teenager I realised that younger boys were also modelling themselves on me – even at a young age I could see that I had a big responsibility in this’, I have a young son and see how he and his friends like to model themselves on older boys, they look up to the older boys and love being with them and doing the things the ‘big boys’ do.
I am with you all the way Raymond, Serge Benhayon is a true role model showing that we can live a truly loving life without needing to be anything or prove anything to anyone. I too grew up exhausted constantly trying to please everyone and not thinking about how I was myself. Whether or not we like to hear people are constantly watching our every move and so we have the choice to offer a reflection of love or one of struggle, suffering and pain. We have a big responsibility, as currently most people are choosing the latter.
Very true James, we all carry a responsibility of what we reflect to the world. Whether we like it or not every one of our actions has a consequence. I thank and appreciate Serge Benhayon everyday for reminding me of this responsibility, it has given my life purpose back. Where I once thought I didn’t matter in the world I now know I matter hugely as does everyone else.
Dear Raymond Karam, thank you for your sharing on role models and unpacking what a true role model is. Serge Benhayon is a role model for many of us and through him being a true role model, so now are you and many many others. It only takes one person to reflect true love and through this reflection we know that we too can choose this.
Absolutely, and if we made life about living as loving role models for each other, the whole world would change instantly. It’s a great responsibility that is all too often ignored.
Hello Donna and I agree, with more and more people reflecting the same this will bring about a huge change for all of us. The is an ongoing reflection, a forever reflection if you like. So often in the past a ‘role model’ has been an achievement based ideal, you arrive at some place and sit and live on that. A true role model never ‘sleeps’, they will forever deepen how they are, no rest point. This isn’t a drive or a mission but more a true dedication to a very natural expression, a living expression that doesn’t focus on one point but takes in everything in every way.
‘We are true role models by the quality we are living from and not by what we can do.’ Therefore we are all role models for each other in the way we live our lives. Ray this is a great topic to open up for discussion as it brings home the responsibility we each have in how we live each moment of our day.
We are all role models and we all can learn from each other. That statement is a lot truer than I realised in the past. Anne, you are quite right.
Love it Anne – so spot on.
My whole idea of a role model has changed so much in the past few years.
I now know what it is to live in a way that inspires others to be more.
Not via career or money or looks, but by being more of who we truly are.
There is such an innate difference to see a role model for the powerful support they can be.
Responsibility in this is a huge factor, and once I am inspired by someone, it is naturally my responsibility to never deny that I know a greater way of living and I can choose to be that too.
That is so true Anne “we are all role models for each others in the way we live our lives” and yes indeed this way of looking at our lives will bring the responsibility on a deeper level into our everyday living.
Thank you Ray for such an honest account of how trying to be the better man is such an unsustainable venture. To maintain a role and constantly please others as a means of seeking validation from past first hand experience only leads to exhaustion and illness and you still end up ‘failing’ in someone’s eyes.
If you make it about what others think of you will never manage to satisfy everybody as everybody has a slightly different perception and different expectations of what would be fitting.
Michael, I have never thought of pleasing another like that but what you have written is so true, no two people are the same and therefore no two peoples views are the same so of course we can never satisfy everyone and what a vicious trap this is. When we ourselves, we may not please everyone but we will be left feeling whole within ourselves, we will feel enough and therefore be OK with not pleasing everybody.
Hello Michael and isn’t that a lesson most of us have learnt the hard way. My mother use to say, well still does, “You can’t please everyone you can only look after yourself” When I use to hear this I took it somewhere else but now I can see the full blessing of what she was bringing me to. Life is about taking deep care of yourself, this is not selfish or exclusive because that deep care you bring to ‘you’ will be there in your every touch. So everything, every word, every moment is graced by the beauty you are, naturally. The world is back the front and upside down, so often using things to suit itself. It’s time to break free of the mild and look back to how things truly were. We are walking further and further away from where we need to be, be honest, do you really care for yourself. I’m not talking about just one part of your life either, how do you care for yourself. After all my mother can’t be wrong, kidding but there are many true messages that have been twisted from our past. You don’t need to look far to see them.
Raymond – to self care is as you say to bring this into every part of who you are, and therefore this is felt by everyone we meet. So self care isn’t just about self but also about the all.
Serge Benhayon and his family members are also true role models for me:
“There is no end to how this one man can do so much, but it is how he does it that is the inspiring part. The overwhelmingly consistent care I see from him with everyone he meets is truly out of this world.”
They inspire me to be the real me and to be this all day.
Hello again Monika Rietveld and it’s great you have highlighted this part, “There is no end to how this one man can do so much, but it is how he does it that is the inspiring part. The overwhelmingly consistent care I see from him with everyone he meets is truly out of this world.” We often are amazed by what people can do but what is the quality of their whole life? Is it all consistent and how are they with others? Serge Benhayon is ahead of his time in his deep care for everything and everyone around him. I have truly seen nothing like it, to say it is amazing just doesn’t cut it. There is something very beautiful about this man and for me it’s consistently seeing how he is, his quality of living with everyone. I love watching him and then I love bringing this continued depth of living into my life.
Another gorgeous blog, Raymond, with so many gems, thank you.
If I realize it or not, if I want it or not, I am always a role model for others, as they are equally for me. This gives the word responsibility a new meaning. I am a role model by the quality I am in and not by what I do. I realized this means I am a role mode constantly, even if others don’t see or hear me.
Hello Monika Rietveld, thank you. Yes it brings more responsibility to the word responsibility I agree. Speaking of gems, “I am a role model by the quality I am in and not by what I do.” Serge Benhayon is the man for me as I’ve said, he is just a really really good hearted man and he has a consistent quality that you can only fight but even in that you can’t deny. Funny thing is I use to shy away from even the word ‘responsibility’ and ‘quality’ now they are words I love to stand on.
Living what you feel is true is the most powerful inspiration, one that no words can come close to. Once we live something, there is no doubt about it and just the choice for everyone to feel inspired or not.
So true Michael and from “Living what you feel is true” comes words that are of the same quality. Words can’t alone lead the way and so hence the saying goes, ‘they do what you do, not do what you say’, in other words live true to what you feel in every moment and from there much inspiration will come. Use words alone to speak about what you want and they will fall on deaf ears.
When we understand that ‘everything is energy’ , the responsibility does come from the quality we choose. Whether we are seen or heard in that moment does not matter, because we know the quality of how we are will be felt by us and by another.
I love what you share about the whole package and that yes, we can be inspired by somebody because he does well in sports, but how is that person at home, with his partner and/or children? We have to look at the whole and take our responsibility for the whole package, and not just some parts. A true role model is somebody who lives consistently and without perfection from truth and love, in all parts of life.
Hello Mariette Reinek and you are all over this blog. This is spot on how I see it and we can’t allow ourselves to be just sold on one part. We see many people excel in one area of life and we jump to call them a role model and yet in another part they ‘drop the ball’. This line says it all thank you, “A true role model is somebody who lives consistently and without perfection from truth and love, in all parts of life.”
Yes, is so true and Ray you have expressed so clearly in your blog that a true role model does not compartmentalise the way they live.
Hello Jonathan and at times this is how we look at life, “compartmentalised”. It seems easier for us to look at a part and not take full responsibility for everything we see. So often ‘role models’ I’ve seen have been outstanding in one area and this is what the focus is on, only to have another part of their life in complete disarray but depending on how big the ‘good’ part is the other can be overlooked. We will defend this type of thing but really it doesn’t make sense, if you are going to ‘role model’ yourself on someone I would have a look at the whole picture and not just pin your hopes on a part. We are let down by a world that insists on a focus on parts of things and in the ‘let down’ we know we too are part of that world.
I love the point you make here Ray, the ‘success’ story that is sold as a success is in one small aspect of life and often the other parts of that person’s life is a mess. All we need to do is think about music, movie, sports stars whose private life is a right off.
For me this is called ‘integrity’ – living your life in all areas with the same care and responsibility. This is how a true role model should be, and this is then when you can trust this person and be inspired.
I love what you’ve added here Sonja. I agree consistency is an extension of ‘integrity’ which allows us to then trust and be inspired by another.
Hello Sonja and I agree, a living integrity that you can see and touch. I love this, “living your life in all areas with the same care and responsibility”. We can go into detail here as well and go to things like waking up out of bed, the way you are with your partner in the morning, the way you get ready etc. This level of ‘integrity’ never sleeps, it’s always there and comes from a deep connection to how you feel and not from wanting to put on a show, a consistent quality.
This is so true, and it’s interesting that when we look at famous people, that they are often famous because of one thing that they do well, or better than others… and we value that one thing above any other aspect of their lives. It’s no different at school – children that excel in one aspect are rewarded, without the quality, consistency and all other aspects of the child’s life being taken into consideration. We set up this type of life where recognition for what we do is the marker of our worth, without being true to ourselves and bringing who we are into all that we do.
Something that you have highlighted for me here Kylie is that we may be great at one thing or somethings and not at others. This is true of everyone. This to me makes it very plain that putting people on pedestals is a set up, for we are all supposed to use our gifts working equally together with no-one in truth being better than another. A true role model inspires this and never regards themselves as “better than”.
Great point you make here Jennifer, about putting people on pedestals. To put someone on a pedestal you are in effect saying “I am less” in some way. ‘Better than’, ‘less than’, is very harmful for all concerned and there is a lack of appreciation for the gifts we each bring. You’re right, ‘better than'(and ‘less than’) is never a part of the true role models I know .
Absolutely Raymond and Mariette, we need to get passed the illusion that the only thing that counts is what is in the public eye. We are larger then physical life and everything we do in every moment counts, even if there is none there to see it.
Thanks Carolien and yes there is a depth to this quality and so it goes well beyond closed doors. It makes perfect sense really and more and more I see how this quality supports me and everything around me. No more ups and downs, or open doors and closed doors just a simple consistent way to live that supports you inside and out.
The question arises in me also Ray is why we so need the role models. Of course we do but only in the true sense in the way you describe where a role model walks the talk in all aspects of life. If we live in a way that is truly about honouring who we are then the need for role models becomes lesser. At present we will not find such a role model in sport, entertainment or politics, in fact only within Universal Medicine do I see people who are living breathing examples of a way of living that is worth emulating.
Yes Mariette, very true, it is always the whole package, life cannot be lived in compartments, every seemingly small decision affects the whole and affects the quality we bring to all part of our life.
Yes Mariette, and its funny how we think we can just show bits of ourselves and keep the rest hidden. I suppose that’s what can make people appear shifty or untrustworthy, because we can feel when there is something being held back.
Spot on Mariette. It is indeed how one lives their whole life that constitutes a true model not living truth in one area and something very different in another.
This part stood out for me as well Mariette, i noticed how often I would want to accept only the part I like and was happy to ignore the rest which was obviously at odds with my what i knew to be true. I have learnt that you can’t separate the pieces they are all connected.
Well said Mariette, we are made to belief that we can pick and choose, but the truth is that we are always who we are in all what we express, so we cannot express in truth in one part and be in disregard to truth in other parts of our life. We role model how we live consistently and not only in aspects we are “good at”. This also questions the being “good at” something as it does not entail the whole and therefore can never be true.
Very powerful Mariette – I like your expression of a true role model. There is basically no out moment, we are responsible any second of the day for our actions.
Alexander, this takes responsibility to a whole new level: “we are responsible any second of the day for our actions.” Once we see this we can no longer indulge in the comfort of switching off or checking out at the weekend, the holidays, or by using media devices.
We do tend to look at success in very 1 dimensional ways, do you have wealth, financially set up. It is through money that ones success gets measure, so only looking at a part, not the whole. A whole persons life, how are they in relationship with themselves, abusive, judgemental, how are they with family and friends? It is time we looked at success in ‘all’ aspects of ones life and Ray Karam is a wonderful example of exactly that.
Hello Raegan, thank you and I agree, “We do tend to look at success in very 1 dimensional ways, do you have wealth, financially set up. It is through money that ones success gets measured, so only looking at a part, not the whole”. This is set up from the start, how you are raised. I was raised with a focus on financial security and so once I had money that was all I needed to do to be ‘successful’ in the world, but as we can see that didn’t work and nor has it worked for anyone. I see many, many very unhappy and unhealthy wealthy people. This is not to criticise these people but more to see that to have ‘success’ in one part of your life, while giving you some relief isn’t everything. There is a way to balance everything, to have everything you have ever wanted, it is a living way, The Way Of The Livingness.
So true Raymond. Trying to live up to the expectations we put on ourselves is exhausting and the image is always shifting. A true role model does not try to set themselves up as a role model, they just live every day with the choice and responsibility to be all that they are and do not seek recognition for what they may be doing.
When we live as who we truly are we feel complete and no need for recognition makes us try to fulfill expectations to be recognised for what we do.
It’s so simple isn’t it Alex , “When we live as who we truly are we feel complete and no need for recognition makes us try to fulfill expectations to be recognised for what we do.” if we all live lost from the fact of who we truly are then it explains the muddle we find ourselves in.
It is simple when put like that Alex, to live who we truly are, then we feel complete.
Hello Alex and I agree as there is no need for anything. You don’t look to the outside world for anything other than reading the reflections that are gifted for you if you seeing them. The world is set up for us to forever return to how we truly and very naturally are, we just have to know how to look at it. Universal Medicine supplied the blue print and the way I applied it was ‘my’ way. We all have our own unfoldment back to the same place.
Mary, when I see someone who is unashamedly and unapologetically themselves I am always a little bit in awe, and even slightly jealous because I too would like the same freedom to be myself. Of course I know its only me that can give myself permission to be all of me.
I am also in awe Debra. There is always something magical about us when we choose to be ourselves.
I can relate Debra. When I feel this I know I must do 2 things – Keep it very simple and come back to a quality I know is me. There is no one that knows you better than yourself.
Hello Debra and I agree and this is not a switch to turn on and off when it counts. This is a forever ongoing choice that builds a consistent way of being that is just you. I have watched myself try and perfect a presentation or a meeting or parenting but none of this ‘perfection’ works, its’ way to much pressure and not even true. When you get down to work and commit to just looking at what is in any moment for yourself, the world changes. ‘You’ are just waiting to come out, all ‘we’ need do is give ourselves permission, consistently.
It is true what you say about role models. I find also at work it is so much easier to work for bosses who lead by their actions.
Thank you Abby and work takes on a whole different meaning from here. It is possible the ‘normal’ boss is one who dictates best practice or similar but doesn’t often hold the same standard consistently. Where as leading from a living example not just a working example gives people a whole new look at life. Whether you are a boss, a parent or a person it makes sense to support yourself in how you live, how you treat yourself in front and behind closed doors. Everything is everything, every decision and moment is there with you, always no matter how it looks on the outside.
I agree Mary, there does seem to be an absence of trying with a true role model, as they don’t have anything to prove and are not trying to be something they are not for recognition. It’s the level of responsibility and commitment which is felt in their everyday choices which can inspire us and feel that their is something worth paying attention to.
I agree Julie, what the true role model offers as you say is the living example of the commitment to life and responsibility 24/7 that we can feel is our own potential but which we have shied away from at some point. The role model shows the simplicity of just being themselves but with All that they are and it sticks out a mile because this level of pure commitment is a rarity on this earth. Definitely something worth paying attention to.
True Julie, and, ‘It’s the level of responsibility and commitment which is felt in their everyday choices which can inspire us’
I agree Julie and “their everyday choices” are forever ongoing. There is no arrival point or place of solitude but in life living this way you find a settledness. Even a day lived like this already creates some attention, a week lived like this creates a mark, a month a rhythm, a year a strong momentum, a life time a place in history.
Yes Mary, a true role model is not looking to see how they should be but just responding to life from who they are, not from who they think they should be. Serge Benhayon is such an inspiring role model because he brings all of him to whatever he does which gives it an amazing quality. He is a great example of someone who is totally committed to life and acts with full responsibility and integrity.
Truth does not hold back Sandra. Once I understood life is about evolution, each momentarily opportunity is a chance to bring more or confirm your way of living.
Well said Mary saying it how it is – what is it about us that makes us want to fit in and please everybody else at our own expense? – it doesn’t help anybody. It’s like we constantly seek to be liked in exchange for our own lack of self love.
Hello Mary and I agree. The living way is the key and all else goes out from there. I see a lot of people putting the recognition of what they are doing before the living and there is a difference. One is forever searching for something and the other knows they already are it. If you live from a deep connection to how you feel then all else is just the appreciation of what that brings. From here life is always simple and it is ‘us’ that complicate it, “A true role model does not try to set themselves up as a role model, they just live every day with the choice and responsibility to be all that they are”.
Trying to live up to expectations really is exhausting because underneath is a self worth screaming for attention the whole time and even when the expectation is met it is only a relief from feeling the lack of self worth.
It is great what you say “A true role model does not try to set themselves up as a role model, they just live every day with the choice and responsibility to be all that they are and do not seek recognition for what they may be doing”; this way of being is an inspiration to others.