I never knew what a true relationship was until I met Serge Benhayon and saw how he was with his family and everyone he came in contact with. I observed this deeply from afar – almost wishing that I could be part of something so beautiful. I remember thinking at the time, “Wow, that’s love in its fullest form.”
What struck me most at the time was how he was the same with everyone equally so. It was more than words – it was a movement of love.
The way the family members would come together and eat – the way they moved towards each other and the way they cared so deeply for each other – was so beautiful. There were no sharp words, no digs or put downs, no teasing or using humour to cover up a little snipe at each other; it was just respectful, full of fun and deeply loving. It was the love I had always wanted from my own family and the love that everyone seeks.
In the beginning I thought that love was reserved for others and not for me and that I could not be a part of that love. I also wanted to be part of Serge’s family – failing to see that I had my own family around me, and not only my direct family members but also my friends, work colleagues, flatmate and even the people I met casually on a day to day basis.
I remember sitting with an elderly lady at a bus stop one day and she was telling me she felt lonely. My reply was that you are never alone – there is always someone there, we just need to be open to everyone and treat each and every one of us with the absolute care and respect that we all deserve.
Even within my own direct family I have two Mums because one of my Mum’s best friends is a widow with no family and I have always included her in every family gathering and treated her the same as I would my own Mother; to me she is family – she’s part of my life and hence she is someone I value and care for.
Recently I discovered that I had feelings for a friend of mine I’ve known for quite some time but always dismissed because I never felt it would work on a practical level, given he lives on the other side of the world. I’ve always felt a connection to him but because of the logistics, I held back from expressing my feelings or developing the relationship further.
Since expressing my love for this man it has allowed me to express my love for others more freely, to be more open and honest with how I feel about all the people in my life. To see people for who they are and to appreciate the qualities they bring to me and to everyone else – sometimes when they can’t see it themselves.
So for me a true relationship is developing all relationships. It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves, regardless of what is going on in their lives: seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times. It’s nurturing someone deeply and loving them in a way where they feel cared for, respected, held, safe and above all, where they can trust you.
So instead of seeking perfection in another, how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities so we can learn from each other and be inspired by the people around us – our own family members. The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.
This blog was inspired after many years of knowing, observing and learning with Universal Medicine, Serge Benhayon and his family members, who are a great example for developing and expanding our own family and how we are within that family to develop love for all.
By Fiona Shuttleworth, Sales Assistant, Brighton, East Sussex, UK
Further Reading:
Serge Benhayon
Letting People In – True Love for All
Seeking Connection and True Relationships
729 Comments
The essence of love has not a thought or idea, it emanates, spreads out from deep with in and it meets that same essence in another, it give rise to a way of communicating that comes from this connection. No amount of positive thinking comes even close to allowing our love to emanate.
We can have a true relationship with someone for 5 minutes and never see them again or we can share a large part of our life with someone and not even scratch the surface to having a true relationship. I can relate to what you share about your observations of Serge Benhayon and his family. When we choose to not live in a truly loving way, it can almost be overwhelming. But I agree they are so open and the same with everyone they meet only to show us that we can all be the same way in all of our relationships, including with them.
It is a scary thought (and so true) that its possible to live for years with someone and not get to the truth of who we are, and why we are in relationship…. instead choosing a convenient level to settle at. This is what arrangements are made of and those kind of relationships evolve no one.
I am just starting to see more how much protection I still live in, I can now observe that I try and read how open someone will be with me and I determine how I will then be with them based on this but I am not seeing it accurately as I am reading it from protection.
I have the joy of now holding Fiona who wrote this as a loved member of my family in that she moved across the world, married this wonderful man and now works with me. It is beautiful to observe how much Fiona lives what she has written and how much she loves and values people across the board. It is hard not to smile when Fiona is around.
So true that the more we appreciate and value ourselves, the more we are able to do this with others.
Fiona it’s so beautiful how you describe the way Serge Benhayon and his family are with each other and everyone else – a ‘movement of love’. I have observed this for myself and continue to be inspired that this is how we can and ought to be with each other. Our bodies are in fact made, naturally designed, to move in love.
Each time I open up to another or others I witness a minor miracle.
‘So for me a true relationship is developing all relationships.’ This is how it should be. We can’t reserve ourselves for one or a few because how we are with everyone else effects those we hold dear. It is one in the same and and the quality of those relationships ultimately comes back to our relationship to ourselves.
Very true Rachael. Every relationship we have offers us a reflection into an aspect of ourselves. Every relationship we have is precious because from each one, we have the potential to learn so much.
Serge is always there reflecting to us how to live, and of course , how to love.
This is a beautiful reminder to never hold back the love that we feel for another.
It does feel lovely to appreciate each other and allow another to be where they are at. But I find if I now have that understanding for myself first then it cannot be shared with another.
When I didn’t appreciate myself I couldn’t appreciate any one else, makes sense. Now that I appreciate myself and the qualities I bring to life, it’s super easy and normal to see what others bring and appreciate them.
Fiona I always get so much enjoyment from reading this, thank you! This is a great line about people, “seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times. It’s nurturing someone deeply and loving them in a way where they feel cared for, respected, held, safe and above all, where they can trust you.” I feel for myself if I have a picture of how a relationship should be then it’s very much about what people do or don’t do (expectations) instead of it being about two people connecting essence to essence.
Love that my initial thought was a true relationship must be talking about one’s partner or spouse but then hold on, what about all our relationships. They too can be true all the way through family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances. Why compartmentalise, when this can be offered to all including myself.
As human beings, we are by nature imperfect but it is actually those imperfections that provides the beauty and richness in our day to day life from which we can always learn and grow from.
What I have learnt about relationships through Serge Benhayon and his family is that you can’t have one special relationship and disregard the rest, everything one relationship is will all be there with another and everyone else. So my relationship with me is vital as I take how I am with myself to every other relationship I have.
Our typical relationship we see all around us is one of stagnation and apathy, when in truth relationships are about magic, total joy and connecting to one and other on levels that are out of this world.
Love knows no bounds when it is founded from an inner connection and allowed to be expressed for all to see and feel.
It seems silly, but as I read this I can feel a huge road block to having relationships that are harmonious is our very own beliefs/blocks to letting Love into our body. The more we can fully acknowledge and deeply appreciate that we are deserving of love. In fact that it is our deepest truth the grander all of our relationships become.
It is an amazing thing to see the love that is between the Benhayon family and to not reject this or react to it, but to openly recognise it as truth and to seek that for yourself in your own relationships.
What you share is such a beautiful observation and an important message for us all to be aware of. Love is love, it cannot be measured in how we deliver or receive it as it is absolute. It is only us that attempt to diminish, discriminate, categorise and isolate love to be greater or lesser, or more or less deserving for one or another. Yet we all deserve to be met with the same degree of love, no different from one person to another. We all are love in essence, and from our essence we have much to share, and as such to inspire each other. As you say Fiona – ‘The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.’ And this is the future we all truly deserve.
“So for me a true relationship is developing all relationships. It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves, regardless of what is going on in their lives: seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times. It’s nurturing someone deeply and loving them in a way where they feel cared for, respected, held, safe and above all, where they can trust you.” This is the pathway to true relationships and the foundational bricks of this pathway are built on our deep connection and intimacy with self first-our first step in building true relationships with everyone else.
When we stop thinking about family being our blood relatives, we suddenly realise that family are potentially everywhere – deep connections to be deepened, cherished, grown and developed. As our capacity to love grows, so the number and depth of these connections grow equally so.
A very beautiful blog. Thank you Fiona. It makes me appreciate the solid foundation of love that is growing in my body, that grows in us all when we practise being the love that we are.
I am noticing more and more that when I am real about my life and what is playing out for me I feel comfortable to share this with others that they do the same. It is as if the willingness to be real gives others the permission to feel to do the same.
We are a reflection to all others. To acknowledge this and make it important to us is deeply responsible.
This has been great to read today as it’s supported me to reflect on some points to appreciate in my own life, including how much I meet people in their essence, seeing behind the behaviours and facade they may have. It’s actually really gorgeous to do this, people literally melt, they do feel it when they are held and loved for who they truly are.
The Benhayon family has been hugely inspiring for me, offering me a lived example of how we all know in our hearts it can be. Families are often where our greatest hurts occur, rather than bring the loving, supportive and growing environments I have seen the Benhayon family being. As I have observed the Benhayon family more, I have come to realise that family is not blood relatives or those that mean something to us personally. It is all of humanity.
So for me a true relationship is developing all relationships’ I agree Fiona and being exclusive and reserving our love for a few is not true love.
Serge Benhayon inspires us to see that everything he is, we already are. We too can build deeply loving relationships with ourselves and everyone we meet and, in this way, inspire others to be the same.
To love ourselves truly and deeply is to love all truly and deeply. The same is true in reverse, if we hold back from fully loving ourselves, we will offer the same to others.
The greatest thing is to know that family is not restricted to blood ties, it is inclusive and all encompassing. True love is when we meet and connect to each person as an equal member of our universal family.
Serge Benhayon is an absolute inspiration as to how we can be with everyone. He treats everyone with equalness, regardless of who they are. The decency, respect, true caring, yet without sympathy, and the love he holds for all people is beautiful to feel and to behold.
To let the love unconditionally flow is respecting and appreciating our being to the depth of its origin.
A ‘movement of love’. Fiona, this time when I read your blog it made me cry… healing tears in the confirmation that love is expressed through a body we commit to loving to the brim, so that then this body of ours filled with its own self-love moves in this quality towards another. In the fullness of our own appreciation we appreciate those around us, and in spite of what else may be happening for them, we can see their essence shining through – and this is what we celebrate and move in.
The essence of brotherhood lies in this, which is why self-appreciation is so so key.
I agree, I also found the blog and movement of love very moving.
What a beautiful sharing Fiona and so inspiring. It is so lovely to observe others expressing love outwardly by their movements with everything about them radiating out and feels beautiful inside magnified everywhere to be felt . The more we express lovingly the more beautiful and held we feel simply being who we are.
This is beautiful Fiona – treating everyone the same, with honesty, love and openness means every relationship is deepening and a truly healing experience. We miss out when we separate people into groups e.g. family, friend. stranger, acquaintance etc. As you wrote earlier it is about being in and staying in – ‘It was more than words – it was a movement of love’.
A beautiful blog to read Fiona. I really appreciate the simplicity, wisdom and inspiration of the message, a movement of love;
“What struck me most at the time was how he was the same with everyone equally so. It was more than words – it was a movement of love”.
Allowing another to just be their true self is the greatest love one can ever be, feel and offer another.
Sure Natallija, and I know this is true and sounds so simple, I still find myself putting conditions to others in order for them to be loved by me.
Fiona, this is very beautiful, ‘So instead of seeking perfection in another, how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities so we can learn from each other’, I can feel how there is much judgment of each other, that we can think that we are ‘right’ and others are ‘wrong’, rather than simply accepting where we are all at and loving ourselves and each other just as we are, seeing each other strengths and not expecting everyone to be perfect.
To be truly held in love reconfigures all our relationships
What a beautiful blog on expressing love and how true relationships blossom from this and the appreciation of the love we all are that feels amazing.
If we start loving one person more, letting our love out more, than this love will also pour out to other people, when there are no needs. As true love is spherical, and has to encompass everybody, equally. So that’s the the trick: start with one and see that it is expands to all people.
That is indeed the key in developing loving relationships. You develop relationship like that with everyone and not just a few: otherwise those few, however lovingly they seem, are not true and based on emotional love.
Since recently I’m living with my sister again and it’s being an amazing experience. We come from the same family and in our coexistence we are taking a lot of awareness about the patterns that we have learnt from our parents and they from theirs. By connecting with love first and foremost and expressing what is not, we are breaking lots of old behaviours and we have the feeling now of knowing each other from the first time, without limits or preconceptions. We are experiencing what a true relationship is and this is very freeing and so beautiful to feel… love is expanding between us and our whole family again
Yes, definitely – this is something we should bring into every single one of our relationships.
When we strip up all of the ideas we have about relationships we can begin to open up to the possibility that relationships are not here to fill our wounds, but to helps us learn and to create a stronger bond which can be used to serve society.
How we are with one person is how we are with all. I love what you share about once you expressed your love for your friend (and now husband 🙂 ) it allowed you to express love more freely. Perhaps it’s the same when we let people in. We can practice with one person and then that becomes how we are with more and more people until we treat all equally.
Exactly Nikki. We have to re-learn to express love and let love in. Feels a bit rusty at the start, but then I discovered it starts flowing in every angle. If I am in my body, and not in my head that is.
Serge Benhayon and his family are indeed a shining example of what true relationships are like. Not to get jealous or to envy, but to be inspired by, as he is fully transparent about his life and how he does it, so that every can have a life like he does. And yes, step by step, it works for me as well.
When we choose to not feel our hurts and issues we impose on others and this is when the game of critique and judgement of others plays out… the blame game instead of feeling the truth within that it began with the choice to not be loving with self first.
Beautifully observed Fiona! The more we love and value our relationship to ourselves the more we are open to loving others in the same way, no matter who they are!
Family life as we know it is such a set up. We aim for the ideals as portrayed by the media, but even those pictures fall very short of true intimacy. No wonder so many of us have issues with family. What I’ve seen of the Benhayons is a role-model of what is possible if we commit to accepting one another and loving each other regardless of our choices.
Thank you Fiona, is there a follow up blog perhaps? A part two? Your blog is so enjoyable to read and I hope to read more of how your choice to express your feelings and love has unfolded further in your life. It’s amazing isn’t it that when we share our love with another, even a stranger, we feel like we know them – we are truly connected by love, thank you.
Absolutely – the more we love and appreciate ourselves, the more we value and appreciate all others and the deeper our love to respond to life.
Thank you Fiona for a beautiful sharing, I love these words ” What struck me most at the time was how he was the same with everyone equally so. It was more than words – it was a movement of love.” This is what we are learning about the quality of the movement we move in whether in connection with our stillness or in the raciness of the doing.
I love the deep sense of appreciation here – how to truly deepen a relationship is to deepen all relationships. That is just so gorgeous to read.
Love and appreciation are part of a true relationship and they cannot be expressed from our heads only, they have to be felt in the body first. People feel and love in our words and movement, but it is not the words themselves.
It is so beautiful to feel the appreciation of somebody without hearing the words.
I absolutely love relationships too Fiona. It is such a joy to have loving, caring, playful, relationship with all people. It is such a joy meeting new people and treat them as potential friend for life from the start, not holding back, caring, being transparent. Indeed Serge Benhayon and his family offer a great example how true relationships look like. I feel deeply inspired by them as well.
Having just attended your wedding Fiona it is very felt how opening up to and expressing love to your friend, (now husband) has allowed you to express love more deeply with all of us
That’s so important to acknowledge Mary Louise, slowly but surely I have definitely began to feel just how I am opening up to everybody rather than one person as it can never be just towards one person – that is absolutely beautiful.
It’s amazing what happens when we begin to deeply care for and nurture ourselves. There is a natural ripple effect that cannot but flow on out to those around us with the ripples becoming the foundation on which all of our relationships are built; yes, it all starts with our building a relationship with ourselves first.
So instead of seeking perfection in another, how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities so we can learn from each other and be inspired by the people around us. Now wouldn’t that be amazing if we could all do that? The thing is, that what we see in another that we judge, is a reflection of a part of ourselves that we don’t like seeing. If we held off on the judgement, we would absolutely see and feel that they are just as divine as us.
Thank you Fiona, I appreciated these words as a simple definition of family “someone I value and care for.” Expanding how we see family simply means more people to share our love with.
We have accepted so much that is not true about relationships hence why it is so great to read a blog like this that talks about true relationships and how when we open up to just one other in full then we are opening up to all others. This is the wonderful thing about relationships if we let ourselves accept this.
Holding back your love in a relationship is the worst thing you can do. It creates tension and ironically can lead to an argument and disharmony even though in holding back that particular outcome is certainly not what is sought.
I love the way you do not single out just one person to love. Loving one person means loving all people equally so. And loving one person more means loving everyone more! So much love!
The wisdom of being in a place where I can start to understand love started with me being self-caring. The approach to be connected had to start slowly as I was so disconnected from true love. The way that I started was with also being self-nurturing with those things that now are just a normal part of my day. As I step closer to love I need all the caring and nurturing I can get. Self-caring and nurturing are never stepping stones but a foundation that love can be built on.
There were no sharp words, no digs or put downs, no teasing or using humour to cover up a little snipe at each other; it was just respectful, full of fun and deeply loving. Teasing and having goes at each other is very common practise amongst families, it seems we have accepted this as normal family relations, but it is far from normal or in fact, love. It’s like we value having a lesser form of relationship with family and friends and so inadvertently settle for this lesser relationship and call,it, getting on, so we in fact are accepting lovelessness in our relationships, and missing out on a truly loving connection.
One based on true love not abuse. I have never had a true relationship but I do know what is not, rejection, abuse and lack of self love. We cannot look for another to love us, not one ounce, otherwise we are gone, which in my experience we get hooked into things which are actually abusive and way less than true love, because of our own needs. I am learning, and I won’t lie it’s hard because of the massive opening and need I have to be in a relationship to accept nothing less than true love. But first I need to start with myself, deepening the love I have for myself, building a true relationship with myself, not rejecting and abusive myself, and come to a place in my body where I am totally surrendered and cool with the fact I may never be in a partner relationship or live with someone in this life time. Thats a biggy for me. But well worth working on.
True relationship is a quality that has no on and off switch and cannot be lived with only some and not others – simple.
The word family in its truth is nothing like what we are told in the world that family is only bound by blood. This is a hard one to realise as the bound by family does not allow us to see the truth because of such deep root of emotional attachments to this group.
I have found this same Shirley-Ann, appreciation grows appreciation and it is ever expanding. Everyone is touched by it.
To express the love we have felt for another is the nourishment that supports the blossoming. Beautiful you did not hold back what you were feeling.
Appreciation of who we truly are and not seeking perfection: there is a world of difference in these two choices and less than a split second between them.
Spot on Fiona, appreciation is water for love, it can not grow without it.
What you experienced within the Benhayon family is amazing – for a family to sit together in appreciation of each other and not put one another down or bicker or make any unloving remarks. That is so beautiful to read and I can see how families can easily bring in things like tension and sarcasm when there really isn’t a need for this at all. What an amazing reflection for me to be aware of next time I am with family.
Appreciation for each other’s qualities is what brings about true change. Criticism and seeking perfection whilst may come with a truth, do not come with love and it is this we respond to and can hear. It is an ongoing learning for me, the more love I allow in my life the more I am able to let go of judgement and criticism and the negative thoughts that are detrimental to any relationship.
“The more you appreciate and value yourself and each other, the more love grows.” simple and so true, appreciation for ourselves allows us to accept the love that we are and we then know that it is not for us alone but to shared with all equally and to be able to receive it back with open hearts, Thank you .
If you want to know if your relationship is true, then determine if the way you are with one person is the same as with all others. And by that I mean by determining if it is the same by way of essence, and not by way of the physical nature of your interaction. If they are not, then you need to be open to the the possibility that there is more to unravel before you can declare your relationship is true. For love is love, and it does not distinguish nor compartmentalise, nor exclude. It is an emanation that is all encompassing and therefore not something you can focus in one direction more than any other.
I loved your honesty in this blog Fiona – I’m sure many people know the feeling of observing the Benhayon family and wanting to be part of such connection , Joy and pure Love – I know I have. But that too, is a form of seeking, thinking that that love needs to come from somewhere or you need to be in the right environment or with the right people to have that love – which is not true. At anytime, with anyone and everyone, we can express the love we are and connect to the love another is unreservedly. This feels very inspiring.
A great lesson with regards to relationships and in not holding back our love. I love what you share here as well ‘for me a true relationship is developing all relationships. It’s about loving someone in a way that allows them to be themselves, regardless of what is going on in their lives: seeing them for who they truly are and not for what they do or how they behave at times’.
The way to bypass all judgement of another is to give ourselves permission to see God first before we see anything else. That is, to see the essence of who another truly is and then and only then observe all that comes in to obscure the expression of this. By appreciating who we are, we do not have to waste time focussing and thus amplifying who we are not.
I love the expression the ‘movement of love’ as it describes something that can be felt, seen and heard rather than relying on the emotional sense of love that we have re-interpreted and accepted over time.
It has been expressed that Loneliness could well be the next big public health issue. … It is predicted that loneliness will reach epidemic proportions by 2030 unless preventive action is taken…. There is obviously a recognition of this disconnection… but until there is a recognition and connection with who we truly are any ‘solutions’ will just be band-aids.
“What struck me most at the time was how he was the same with everyone equally so. It was more than words – it was a movement of love.”
What struck me this morning Fiona was the simplicity and power of a movement of love. As you have expressed Serge Benhayon is a beautiful divine example of consistently moving in love, thus connecting with all equally; very inspirational.
Thank you Fiona, the truth is we have so much love to express everyday and your blog has inspired me to get on with it!
“I also wanted to be part of Serge’s family – failing to see that I had my own family around me, and not only my direct family members but also my friends, work colleagues, flatmate and even the people I met casually on a day to day basis.” Thank you Fiona for writing this, I have also felt and do feel this way, but it’s because I am forgetting to see and … live … that same love that I see and feel from Serge and his family, that is inside of me. It’s a need, because I am not choosing to take responsibility for loving myself this deeply. And also forgetting we are already family.
Beautiful Fiona. True love is not constrained by distance and when we appreciate the love within ourselves then the love we feel in others grows so that we gradually come to realise we are all one family of humanity.
I love what you have expressed here Fiona; there is absolutely no doubt that Serge Benhayon lives a divine quality that is inspiring.
“What struck me most at the time was how he was the same with everyone equally so. It was more than words – it was a movement of love”.
Having observed the Benhayon Family for over 10 years has allowed me to see how a true family lives. Thank goodness there is a family that lives the future now and is able to reflect to us how we can all live. They are inclusive of every–one, the love they are with each other is equal for all.
There was a report on the radio recently saying how many people said they felt lonely, really it is a disgrace to the way we have been living to have so many lonely people. Wouldn’t it be great if we was taught at school how to deeply love and care for ourselves and others, I am sure then loneliness would be a thing of the past.
We think that living guarded is the way to go but that is so not true. How can love flow if we are protecting ourselves from that flow?
I have found that too, that when I open up to one relationship more deeply all of my relationships deepen and have a much greater quality.
Whenever a thought of loneliness creeps in, I would ask myself have I lived closeness with others, all others? If that does not feel possible, I would have to look at the core of the issue, have I lived this closeness with myself? Nothing feels more natural than being equally respectful and close in connection with everyone, as nothing feels more natural than holding each other including ourselves at all times, no matter what happens.
what a gorgeous blog, what you share here is a truth that we all know within. It is our choice to be loving to ourselves, and see this love in others equally.
Yes I too absolutely love and have been enormously inspired by how Serge Benhayon meets EVERYONE with the same love and respect and equally to witness the seemingly miraculous effect that has on people and how they respond.
You share some great points here, “So instead of seeking perfection in another, how about we appreciate and value each other, tenderly nurturing each of our strengths and qualities so we can learn from each other and be inspired by the people around us – our own family members.” I feel we get so caught up in seeking perfection amongst our family and friends that we forgot to stop and appreciate and value each other.
Again, it always comes down to this simple truth – the quality of our relationship with self governs much of the quality of relationships with other people.
Thank you Fiona for your sharing. I agree there is no better example than Serge Benhayon and his family for us to follow in what a true relationship looks like and how it works! We are truly blessed.
A true relationship starts with self, as the more I value and appreciate me for who I am the easier it is to be open and appreciative of the others and see them for the love that they are first and not for what they are not.
I love the expression Fiona, ‘a movement of love’. It beautifully encapsulates the unspoken loving communication that can be felt very clearly from the way we move. Our movements are very powerful in all they can deliver.
We can have many concepts of what true relationship is, and we in fact get an opportunity everyday to connect with others with love. It starts with the loving relationship we have with us.