I recently realised that I, along with most other members of the teaching and auxiliary staff at school, usually refer to the principal in conversations as ‘the boss’. I have found this to be the common, everyday practice for members of staff, no matter what their position, across the wide variety of schools I have had the pleasure of working in during my teaching career.
I also started listening to how people employed in other occupations referred to the people appointed in supervisory positions above them and realised using the word ‘boss’ in conversation with others, both at work and socially, is quite commonplace. In fact it’s very much the norm.
My referring to the principal as ‘the boss’ is something I have done for years without ever stopping and contemplating what was really going on behind the use of such a simple and seemingly harmless word.
If you had ever asked me why I referred to the many principals I have worked with over the years as ‘the boss,’ I would have said I did it playfully and with a touch of affection, but today I realised this, in truth, is not what is going on at all. I’ve realised I have never called any of the female principals I have worked with ‘the boss.’ I have always referred to them by their first name.
I was quite taken aback when I realised I only used ‘the boss’ when my principal was male.
This moment was a huge wake-up call.
This really made me stop and consider what was truly happening around my use of the word ‘boss,’ but only when ‘the boss’ was male. It felt like a blind acceptance on my part of the status quo society has held for aeons because, traditionally, most supervisors were male. There was quite an OUCH in that realisation, I can tell you.
I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years. The principal is my immediate supervisor, but not my boss. Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. I am at the helm when it comes to my life and the choices of behaviour I make. I am the boss of me; no one else, no matter what relationship – work, social or familial – we share. I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.
Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing, however it feels like it holds an enormous learning for me to use the principal’s first name in conversation, as I do for everyone else I am referring to, from now on.
I have kept this awareness at the forefront of my awareness at work and in any conversation I’ve had about school since I arrived at this realisation. Interestingly, I have found it quite a challenge at times as I suddenly realise I’ve let the words ‘the boss’ slip out in conversation. They say old habits die hard and, at this stage, I would say it is a work in progress.
I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context. Thanks to the realisation I had about my usage of the very small word ‘boss,’ I am now on the lookout to see if any other undertones of deference or giving away of my power are present in any other situations in my life, as I know doing this is not at all supportive to my personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect. Sure has been a great lesson to learn.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Love in Business – Creating Harmonious Workplace Relationships
A woman’s worth at work
Words: The power and the glory, or a death sentence?
583 Comments
Sometimes the boss brings such a force, it is impossible to work with them. I often wonder how some people get to positions of power when they abuse it so much.
Could it be because the organisations and systems in place were created from the same source which creates, promotes and supports people to be ‘bosses’ in this way. It’s not just the behaviour in it but the whole model which is well and truly broken.
It is very interesting to observe some of the more subtle ways that we give our power away. All of these little subtle ways do add up and can erode our self-worth and our power. It is worth tuning into – you might be surprised what you find.
Choosing the word “Boss” immediately puts you in a degraded state and the two people are not meeting at eye level anymore. How can ever be accessed all the wisdom in such kind of group work? Pretty hard, as only through true group work, where people meet in equalness, everyones contribution can, through appreciation, just flow.
Gender specific roles seem to be set up so that we are distracted from brotherhood and maybe before we get to this connection of brotherhood we need to have a true relationship with one other and it could be possible that we can call this sisterhood? So sisterhood in this example would come before brotherhood.
Making us all equal and in the heart of God this has to be true as we are all Gods children, so brotherhood for all and sisterhood first with one other. And a true relationship being one of true Love with harmony and joy a lived part of those relationships.
The words we use in conversations are super important, and even more so the quality in which we say them. ‘How are you?’, or ‘Good’ as response can be said hundreds of different ways, and have a very different meaning each time for example.
So true Susie, saying words with anger in our bodies and that energy can be felt no matter how wonderful the word descriptively is.
A great point of learning for us all, that the energy behind words is the truth of what we feel, not the words themselves.
We can have many bosses but we are ultimately only ever accountable to one and that is God.
How obedient are we actually to the one *Boss*- which in fact always asks us to not feel lesser than he is.
Cultural traditions and beliefs hold fast and many families still use titles to distinguish one person from another: mum, dad, aunty, uncle, grandma, grandpa. When we call all family members by their first name that equalises the way we relate to each other.
In other words some families believe it’s disrespectful for a child to call an elder by their first name. And yet, if energetically we are one, the child equal to all family members, relates to them on first name terms. It’s the quality of relationship within families that denotes respect, not titles used.
No matter who I work for in life, my only boss is God.
“I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context.” Yes, its so easy to just let our words roll off our tongue without any real consideration for what they really mean and/or in the context in which we are using them. So many of our words have been misused over time and have lost their true meaning.
Referring and that is relating to people as the roles they have or we give them makes everyone less than they are, simply because we define each other by what we do and not as who we are.
Agree. Roles, status, get in the way of a true flow, constellations, rhythm that is natural and innate for getting work done.
We are human beings before we are ANYTHING else, and to view each other in this way would make for a very different living.
Gosh we play this game a lot… it is like bypassing the person standing before us and focussing on the accessories they have picked up along the way.
“Interestingly, I have found it quite a challenge at times as I suddenly realise I’ve let the words ‘the boss’ slip out in conversation.” a great example here of how being aware of this and having the will to change means that you become a whole new boss, one that few have experienced as its one where each person is held truly equal to all others.
‘Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing, however it feels like it holds an enormous learning for me to use the principal’s first name in conversation, as I do for everyone else I am referring to, from now on.’ there is so much in our names and how we use them that is missed when we adopt terms such as this in their place – great to question why and get back to using our real names.
I don’t remember having used that word to name my principal at school, but I can relate to that perception of feeling myself less than someone who supervises my work or sometimes takes decisions that affect me. Being aware of this attitude I had in the past, has been very freeing to me, as in fact there is nobody above me, no matter the position they have in the school’s organisation. We all are responsible of our own tasks. We all are our own boss, leader, colleague and receiver of what we do. Along the time and gradually, I have been changing the approach in which I relate with work and people, from fear or reducing myself to responsibilty. This has changed from top to bottom the quality of what I bring to school, which now is a continuously expanding joy that relies in a continuous deepening on what responsibility and equalness are. It has been really transforming changing the “obey-mode” to simply bringing the best while working in collaboration.
It is the energy and intention behind the word that matters. I have had people call me ‘boss’ with absolute love, affection, joy and unequivocal equality and brotherhood…. I have had people call me ‘boss’ with a vicious and insidious jealousy…I have had people call me ‘boss’ with a total lack of self-worth…I have had people call me ‘boss’ as the thinnest veneers that hides a total disrespect and complete lack of allegiance to the purpose in hand. The list goes on; it is not the word itself, but the energy behind it.
Agreed. In the education profession, many teachers feel that being addressed by their title ensures that the students who address them give them the respect they want. I have not found this to be true. Having been called by both my first and surname by different students over my career, I have observed that innate respect or lack of it regardless of which word they use to call me.
Great call out Otto this is very true.
Great example, that it is never about the word but for what they get used for energetically. The moment we just hear words, we are blind for truth.
Love this Otto – it’s time to pay attention to the fact that there is energy to be read before there are words to hear.
I was thinking about uniforms as well – how different colours, styles, numbers of stripes/stars, or whatever can all be used to differentiate people and to label them. Clearly there are multiple practical reasons behind these and many of them may make sense…and there is also a practical necessity in having structures within organisations where some people are more senior than others…so actually it is not about the uniforms or the titles…it is about the energy and intention behind these things and how we use them, abuse them, hide behind them, or inflict them.
Yes, we have so skewed what is true leadership, true leaders and equality in work and in our lives. There is so much status consciousness around which often isn’t based on true quality or ability to offer what is needed in a job or position.
To elevate another above ourselves makes us less and can be a way of abdicating responsibility. To stand equal among others is to value ourselves and our responsibility in all situations.
What a great observation that you only used the word ‘boss’ when your principal was male. Such observations of discrepancies in life are great clues to that something in our relationship with life needs attention.
The truth is that the world has messed big time with the true meaning of words, so much so we get into trouble and tie ourselves in knots with them.
When we get back to the truth of words and use them correctly, communication becomes so simple, supportive and clear.
It can seem like a little thing, but the outplay within ourselves and within the relationship with the person put into the boss category is quite huge to feel. Yes, we are responsible for our own outcomes and decisions, whilst some have more supervisory roles than others, but at the same time everybody is equal, not matter what role.
‘everybody is equal, not matter what role”. Yes Esther this is true and how it should be.
This is such a great blog to contemplate what’s going on in relationships – whom do defer revenerence to and equally who do I talk for but without true consultation?
There are many words we use without truly thinking of their meaning or the impact they have on others and it is great when that ill-usage gets exposed.
I reckon this would be a fun and impactful project for students; tracking back our modification of words to their true meaning – there are so many – love, responsibility, respect, sick…
Great question you ask about who is the boss – another way to say this might be to ask what aspect of us is the boss in any given moment, that is, it is the soul or the spirit because the 2 are very different and have very different outcomes.
My understanding of the Principal’s role is not to be ‘the boss’, as they too are employed within a very big system. I have observed that they take on a lot of the coordinating within the school and bringing all the teachers together.
Every time we give our power away to another we are adding to the collective energy of the boss and underdog scenario which is so prevalent in our world today.
So good to read these words Elizabeth. I know I do this all the time. The pattern is so ingrained. We can all contribute to clearing this behaviour in the world by looking at our own.
Love this because it illustrates the crux of it all. Clearly we have to have ‘bosses’ and clearly we have to have people working for ‘bosses’. But, as you say, there is a very huge difference between working for a ‘boss’ and giving your power away to a ‘boss’. This is the exact detail that we need to be looking at.
In life, some of us play big and some of us play small, but very few of us play our true role of holding ourselves equal to all.
A magic quote, and a rhyming one at that too! Very true, and the big/small serves the same purpose even though they play out differently on a temporal level.
Very beautiful Liane. I have done both playing big and small and am only sure and full when I am me, ‘equal to all’.
Who is the boss when it comes to our bodies? Is it the spirit that dictates what goes on with our bodies or is it our soul. For most of my life my spirit has been the boss it has completely controlled everything from my movements to my thoughts and I have been nothing short of a puppet moved by an unseen energy I did not know about and so had no control over. And it seems to me that this can be said for most of us as we go about our daily lives with no comprehension that we are being bossed around by this unseen energy called our spirit.
When we delegate someone as ‘the Boss’, we are saying they are better than us, and absolving ourselves from our responsibility. Someone recently told me about the stress he was under because he was the boss and had to be constantly watchful that people who were working for him were fulfilling their role and the whole project was flowing. It felt like that was a role every person in their own position could take.
It really does make me stop and think what we have accepted and done to make what is regarded as normal. What is normalised in today’s world we have made it so but it doesn’t make it true!
A true leader does not create divides or elevates themself, but supports everyone to appreciate their own value and never see themselves as less.
Yes, this is so true. I have never considered myself to be capable of being a leader but this is because I have bought into a leader is about controlling people. I’m coming to understand a true leader always brings equality to the group, someone who also doesn’t push people from behind but leads by example from the front respecting people’s choice to resist or be inspired.
What if we use role names to remove and separate ourselves from another human being who is in essence is equally the same as us, no better or less, the same.
The moment the word boss is used we have a sense of us and them, there is a divide, a separation which doesn’t feel very unifying if a team.
Those nicknames, like ‘the Boss” are shorthand for all manner of more extensive comments, including beliefs and personal issues. The one word holds a lot that can be unpicked and learned from.
Great awareness to bring to the word ‘boss’ Anonymous. As it is used in day to day expression, there is a sense of an energy of being controlled, put down or having to be ruled in someway by a male (rather than a female) and feels totally disempowering.
It’s interesting that after reading your comment Stephanie I have realised that some of the female bosses I have had have been very hard and gone more down the bullying route, whereas most of the men have been lovely to work for. Maybe it’s because we have had a history of male bosses and the women have come up with their version of what it means to be the ‘boss’.
We are each our own boss… responsible for our every choice.
The word Boss comes laced with our perceived ideals and expectations but how we express it can vary depending on what we want to convey, especially if there is a feeling of inequality.
The word boss used in many scenarios in office places carry the connotation of someone whom we have to be under the control of but at the same time ridicule about. The true ridicule is that we have subjected ourselves to a control we feel is unchangeable but we know in our bodies how inequality is not true. The conflict when not dealt with honestly comes out as a form of emotion and reaction.
Super interesting observation of the ridicule which becomes the accomplice to giving our power away.
There are so many pathways of awareness that leads us in the direction of being more connected to ourselves and our inner world. Being aware of what we say, how we say it and the language used and who that language is used with is a great way to consider, feel, observe and be with ourselves in moments throughout the day.
I agree Rachael – if we do not make space to consider our use of words we are not fully aware of what we are communicating with them.
It is actually fun to explore words and know which ones are very far from the truth. When we start to be honest about how words are used and the pictures we associate with them, we can start to break them down and feel into their true meaning.
Our words are so influenced by beliefs, ideal and pictures that pop up in seconds of how we should be and what we ‘think’ we need to express.
Even the students when I went to school 50 years ago called the principle the “Boss” and it is now so amazing to feel the truth of my body and what it can now bring without the overriding principle that has kept us from our essence or inner-most.
There are so many ideals and beliefs associated with the word boss and we all have our own version of what it means to be the boss.