I recently realised that I, along with most other members of the teaching and auxiliary staff at school, usually refer to the principal in conversations as ‘the boss’. I have found this to be the common, everyday practice for members of staff, no matter what their position, across the wide variety of schools I have had the pleasure of working in during my teaching career.
I also started listening to how people employed in other occupations referred to the people appointed in supervisory positions above them and realised using the word ‘boss’ in conversation with others, both at work and socially, is quite commonplace. In fact it’s very much the norm.
My referring to the principal as ‘the boss’ is something I have done for years without ever stopping and contemplating what was really going on behind the use of such a simple and seemingly harmless word.
If you had ever asked me why I referred to the many principals I have worked with over the years as ‘the boss,’ I would have said I did it playfully and with a touch of affection, but today I realised this, in truth, is not what is going on at all. I’ve realised I have never called any of the female principals I have worked with ‘the boss.’ I have always referred to them by their first name.
I was quite taken aback when I realised I only used ‘the boss’ when my principal was male.
This moment was a huge wake-up call.
This really made me stop and consider what was truly happening around my use of the word ‘boss,’ but only when ‘the boss’ was male. It felt like a blind acceptance on my part of the status quo society has held for aeons because, traditionally, most supervisors were male. There was quite an OUCH in that realisation, I can tell you.
I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years. The principal is my immediate supervisor, but not my boss. Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. I am at the helm when it comes to my life and the choices of behaviour I make. I am the boss of me; no one else, no matter what relationship – work, social or familial – we share. I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.
Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing, however it feels like it holds an enormous learning for me to use the principal’s first name in conversation, as I do for everyone else I am referring to, from now on.
I have kept this awareness at the forefront of my awareness at work and in any conversation I’ve had about school since I arrived at this realisation. Interestingly, I have found it quite a challenge at times as I suddenly realise I’ve let the words ‘the boss’ slip out in conversation. They say old habits die hard and, at this stage, I would say it is a work in progress.
I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context. Thanks to the realisation I had about my usage of the very small word ‘boss,’ I am now on the lookout to see if any other undertones of deference or giving away of my power are present in any other situations in my life, as I know doing this is not at all supportive to my personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect. Sure has been a great lesson to learn.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Love in Business – Creating Harmonious Workplace Relationships
A woman’s worth at work
Words: The power and the glory, or a death sentence?
586 Comments
Perhaps we can all be ‘The Boss’. Perhaps we can work together knowing that we are all bosses in our own way. There is no need to hold someone higher than ourselves because of a job title. If we take command and bring our own true power we are bosses who can bring so much. We need to be respectful of our leader but there is no need to bow down.
Without reflections and realizations like this about ‘the boss’ we are not even aware of how much we are run by programs written often in early childhood and taken unrecognized into adulthood. Awareness allows choice and change and thus de-programming to then have the space to be who we are in our own authority.
When we all just pitch in for the common purpose there is a lightness and a joy that supports inspiration and expression and much more is achieved.
When we have illusions like being the boss in a superior way we suppress the expression and contribution of others who are equally constellated to contribute to the whole.
I remember using the word boss when I used to work in an office in my early 20s and liking the fact that someone else took responsibility rather than me. It was like a safe guard and someone to look to. In time I would experiment and change it to ‘line manager’ and it made quite a difference to how felt about them. The word line manager had quite a different meaning, it felt more equal and actually changed how I felt about the person. Using the word boss felt like I was giving my power away to someone I perceived was above me.
False hierarchy is a convenient way to foster our hurts. To see others as lower or higher just perpetuates illusion and keeps us away from the fact we are here to work together to return to Love.
It’s really worthwhile being aware of how we are using words – what energy we are putting behind them or using them for – like do we use the word ‘boss’ to create distance between ourself and another, create barriers in a way that do not need to be there or do we hold ourselves on equal footing with a true openness to work together?
We have to look beyond the title of “boss” and see the person who has the title “boss”. That way we do not give our power away.
Interesting that I have felt how it is to be referred to as a ‘boss’ and didn’t like it and yet when referring to the person I report to at work the pattern is still there to refer to them as my ‘boss’. It feels great to then refer to them by their name and describe the position they are in as such i.e. Director or owner etc.
The importance and clarity of words and our choices is evident here and very powerful with the knowing that we are in control of our lives and the empowerment from this being crucial to how we live and place ourselves in life.
I like the way that you have acknowledged here that you are at the helm of your life, and as such that no one is truly the ‘boss of you’.
We choose who is boss in any moment be that spirit or soul the difference is enormous and only ever one or the other.
Are we “appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required” and are we not all in this place from an energetic point of view as a Son of God to be supportive in all we do as required! Then could we expand play-fully the word BOSSS to be Build Our Supportive Soul Service and get rid of the controlling aspect and work together as a team returning to our true divinity, thus bringing play-full-ness to life as it is such a joy.
I am the boss of me. So true and it changes everything. No more projections out of who is responsible. I am. The choices I make and the effect it has on my body reflect back to me what was supportive or not. This way of living gives me space. And in fact it makes the body the boss without it caring how I call it!
You made me smile Caroline, as my daughter says to me ‘you’re not the boss of me, I am the boss of me’.
This is a very important observation that you have bought to our attention as it clearly shows the consciousness behind words.
Giving our power away to others is a serious drug. We look like innocent victims but we are no better off than junkies. We always have a say and a role to play.
When we call someone the boss, we are saying it is their job to make the decisions and they take the hit if the decision is wrong. When we all hold that responsibility and support each other, we will work together in more unity and involvement together.
We need to be very aware of every word we express as we often do not express the true words needed for what and how the other needs to hear it and its vibration
There are so many connotations that go with words that can often lead to a misinterpretation and a judgement. The more we express from our joy and vitality our words hold a quality that does not impose by express words in connection to the conversation.
Depending on our beliefs around what it means to be the boss, sometimes we can use it as a guard to keep people out.
“Who’s the Boss?” – when it is love, then i am always the willing employee or colleague : )
Great call, Zofia. It’s only when Love is in expression in any aspect of one’s day that things can be of true benefit, support and care for all concerned, no matter what their relationship or circumstance at the time.
In my experience years ago being promoted from within a team to being the “boss” did affect the way people were with me and I am sure at that time it affected how I was with them too. Even socially no matter how I endeavoured to be myself I could feel the team were wary. More recently I had an experience where this was much less the case yet there are a great deal of ways that try and interfere, and it was a more formal setting anyway.
Its interesting we don’t realise that by saying the word boss we are giving our power to someone else, rather than staying connected with our self.
I know that I hold myself as less than my boss. Silly really as she is a human being just like me! But there is something within me that bows down to someone who has all the answers and knows her job so well. This highlights how I still place value on the things that we know rather than who we are. A great exposure and something to work with.
I can very much relate with what you’ve shared Rebecca, I used to do this a lot in the past. Now, I when I am being myself, I notice I see everyone as equal.
There can be a tendency to separate ourselves as different, more or less responsible when we use terms like boss, when in reality we all have our responsibilities in our roles and in life.
I agree, Jenny. It feels the key word is ‘Responsibility’ and what I’ve shared is an offering for each of us to stop and ponder on the relationship we have with it in our lives. What I’m finding is I need to be open to seeing that responsibility is so integral to everything I think, feel and do and to not discount a moment as being one that doesn’t really matter, as in the overall scheme of things, every thought, word and deed counts – now that’s Responsibility with a capital R!
In many workplaces I have worked in it has been common for people to moan and roll their eyes about ‘the boss’ or ‘management ‘ and I have certainly done this too and I can see after reading this insightful blog that we do this to blame something outside of us for the problems or issues rather than taking responsibility for making changes in our own behaviour or standing up for what we feel is true within the system.
Yeah we are masters of passing the buck! But the reality is that the buck stops here.
Well said Andrew, this is exactly what we experience in our business. People not wanting to take responsibility for them selves so its an easy way out to blame the bosses for any problems and issues.
There is alot in life that we blindly take as true or the way things are. Assumptions made that severely impact on our lives. Be it the words we say, the silences we choose, the way of life we do not question. I love that you have this clarity about this word and how you had not noticed it’s signifance. This sort of honesty changes the so called reality we live in.
Who has real authority? The person who brings all they are and doesn’t hold back in their divine expression, this person holds true authority. And others can feel it especially when they speak. All we are asked is to live and be in our true essence.
Great observation concerning authority. It reminds me of how children are in their authority so much, body aware and connected, this turns school on its head really…although teachers and children can both live in their authority, adults often loose their way and chose force over love, being in your authority is living true and whole, not who controls things.
And this observation is so important as those who have lost their innate knowing and authority do not like to be reminded of what has been lost and often try to squash and suppress in an attempt to remove the reminder from their view.
Such a beautiful discussion and appreciation of what true authority is – ‘The person who brings all they are and doesn’t hold back in their divine expression.’ This so shows no one can be the ‘boss’ of anyone else – no matter what systems and positions have been set up by religions, rulers or authority figures throughout the annals of history.
Interestingly I was thinking that the boss of me is the type of energy that I allow to run myself, either one that is loving or one that is abusive. I am but at its mercy..
Great point David. One energy bosses us around whilst the other holds you as its equal and equally as authoritative as anyone else.
Great point to raise, David. We each have the choice as to which type of energy we are going to allow power our thoughts and deeds – the divine power of Love or the complete and absolute opposite . . .
There is only one boss to be obedient to who holds us as nothing less than his equal son, thus we embrace who we are rather than giving our power away.
Beautiful Alex, there is only one boss to be obedient too and that connection comes from within, that boss truly wants us to embrace who we are and not give our power away, but rather connect to our power and empower others to be who they truly are.
Lessons are totally awesome as they reflect a different stage and a deepening awareness we hold.
So true that the words we use can be so very revealing about how we feel, or how we have felt and are used to expressing, and when they, the words come out of my mouth and I don’t like the feel of them I get to review and learn something to renounce further and expand once again.
I wholeheartedly agree that every word we say matters and how we say it and use it is critical.
Yes me too Samantha, I have become so much more aware of this and more open to taking responsibility for what I express as everything matters.
Samantha thats so true, I am learning more each and everyday, that what words we speak can inspire another or harm another, that we need to be living in a way is about being truthful that we do not harm others but inspire.
Thank you for sharing your lesson with us all. It may seem a small thing, but actually and as you revealed it had a huge impact of giving away your power and making yourself less. And as such it is a great learning for us all to become aware of the words we use in our daily conversations.
Great example how we use words in our conversations just pushing them out on auto pilot, not being aware and taking responsibility if they heal or harm ourselves or other people.
Willem it is about taking responsibility, in every thing we do, in all our communication so we do not harm another or ourselves in the process.
Yes, Willem, it’s so part of becoming aware of where one is still blindly choosing to join the norm of society of being on autopilot without ever stopping and considering the original intent that stands behind the use of these words in the first place.
This blog highlights how we label people by their job roles and the prevailing social attitudes that affect how we feel about the people and the jobs they do. When I had a job as a cleaner my mother was horrified, obviously seeing the role as beneath my intelligence and yet for me the cleaner sets the imprint for everyone for the day, clearing away rubbish and leaving floors clean for people to walk on. We do not value each job equally in the same way we do not value each other equally. In true brotherhood the individual and collective contributions are all valued and no-one is considered lesser in any way.
Lovely sharing Carmel, and so very true, as a society we do not value each job equally and neither do we value each other equally… when we do, when this turns around, the world will be a much more pleasant place to be in, where we can all shine no matter what we do.
I love what you have shared about cleaning and how it sets the imprint for all that follows in the day. I used to love walking into my workspace and appreciating the care and attention that had gone into preparing it for everyone to be in the next day. It felt so different, if for some reason the cleaning hadn’t happened and on another level started the day off on a somewhat ‘staler’ footing as well.
Equality with us all as love and who we are is an essential part of our oneness and brotherhood and can always be felt whatever position we hold and this is so different to the way we work in business, families and life at the moment and its time for this to chance by each of us being who we are naturally love and holding others as this also.
Sometimes being the boss restricts us in our communication to others. I had a boss who told me that she would love to be my friend but being the boss meant that she couldn’t – she took her boss duties very seriously and had pictures of what that looked like.
It is crazy there is a stigma around being a boss, you get treated differently, which really does not make sense, and in big organisation you are expected to behave differently toward other members of staff too.
It is very cool to bring light and honesty to the way we use language. When I use the word ‘boss’ there is not only the giving away of power but also resentment about someone holding a position that I consider more important or higher than mine… our use of language is a gold mine of revelation about our relationship with ourselves, others and life.
I have recently spoken up about something in a work situation, where I had previously allowed that feeling of hierarchy to allow behaviour that wasn’t acceptable, and I realised that the truth is the truth and should be expressed no matter if I am considered above or below another person – truth is equal
To allow unacceptable behaviour to continue without question or challenge condones it. Speaking up against it is a responsibility we all have, regardless of age, rank or status and offers another the opportunity to change.
Awesome Rebecca, this a beautiful example of expressing truth no matter what. Sometimes we can be in fear of expressing truth in case we may lose our job, so the tendency to hold back is very strong. Like you’ve shared, ‘truth is equal’ and we have the power to express truth at any time.
I also feel to add that appointing someone as the boss and seemingly elevating them above the rest of the workers is part of the set-up put in place to make people feel less so they will censor what they say and, as a result of everyone’s going along with this, the truth of what is really going on is not likely to be exposed.