I recently realised that I, along with most other members of the teaching and auxiliary staff at school, usually refer to the principal in conversations as ‘the boss’. I have found this to be the common, everyday practice for members of staff, no matter what their position, across the wide variety of schools I have had the pleasure of working in during my teaching career.
I also started listening to how people employed in other occupations referred to the people appointed in supervisory positions above them and realised using the word ‘boss’ in conversation with others, both at work and socially, is quite commonplace. In fact it’s very much the norm.
My referring to the principal as ‘the boss’ is something I have done for years without ever stopping and contemplating what was really going on behind the use of such a simple and seemingly harmless word.
If you had ever asked me why I referred to the many principals I have worked with over the years as ‘the boss,’ I would have said I did it playfully and with a touch of affection, but today I realised this, in truth, is not what is going on at all. I’ve realised I have never called any of the female principals I have worked with ‘the boss.’ I have always referred to them by their first name.
I was quite taken aback when I realised I only used ‘the boss’ when my principal was male.
This moment was a huge wake-up call.
This really made me stop and consider what was truly happening around my use of the word ‘boss,’ but only when ‘the boss’ was male. It felt like a blind acceptance on my part of the status quo society has held for aeons because, traditionally, most supervisors were male. There was quite an OUCH in that realisation, I can tell you.
I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years. The principal is my immediate supervisor, but not my boss. Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. I am at the helm when it comes to my life and the choices of behaviour I make. I am the boss of me; no one else, no matter what relationship – work, social or familial – we share. I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.
Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing, however it feels like it holds an enormous learning for me to use the principal’s first name in conversation, as I do for everyone else I am referring to, from now on.
I have kept this awareness at the forefront of my awareness at work and in any conversation I’ve had about school since I arrived at this realisation. Interestingly, I have found it quite a challenge at times as I suddenly realise I’ve let the words ‘the boss’ slip out in conversation. They say old habits die hard and, at this stage, I would say it is a work in progress.
I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context. Thanks to the realisation I had about my usage of the very small word ‘boss,’ I am now on the lookout to see if any other undertones of deference or giving away of my power are present in any other situations in my life, as I know doing this is not at all supportive to my personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect. Sure has been a great lesson to learn.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Love in Business – Creating Harmonious Workplace Relationships
A woman’s worth at work
Words: The power and the glory, or a death sentence?
586 Comments
It always amazes me how readily roles are jumped in to, and how it is possible to see the underlying motivations or intent that each person has for choosing their chosen role. But what is also equally amazing, is how, underneath what is perhaps at times not so harmonious as we place ourselves within the group, There is also a deep and ancient understanding that each person has their part to contribute, a part which no one else can, as their expression is unique. And so we can appreciate each others strengths and enjoy them with equality.
It is only by experiencing that in practice that we can feel the difference and how one offers an expansion in our contribution and the other caps our contribution.
This blog is great for making me consider if I treat different managers differently depending on their gender. As a woman, I can sometimes fall into the consciousness that plays out from family and school where boys are treated with more respect and authority than girls. Definitely something to keep an eye on, as it means that I am playing less and not treating everyone equally.
How important to explore the energy of control or deference that is revealed in the tone of voice when speaking to perceived figures in authority – consultants, doctors, teachers, the ‘boss at work, even parents.
It is interesting to shed light on isn’t it, as I am not sure how many of us have really looked into the can of worms this exploration opens.
It is great to be honest with what preconceptions we have around words and how ‘boss’ can be associated with men in power. A great one for us to be aware of in terms of words and how we use them. This blog really exposes this in me as well, and how I relate this word to male and superior and how actually overall boss means an inequality.
“This moment was a huge wake-up call” – Observing how we are, our behaviours and how we respond to life can offer many of these moments where we can learn, advance and let go of any judgement.
This really brings home the power of words and how we use them in a positive or a negative way, especially how we can give our power away to others and diminish ourselves in the process.
The way i view it is that we start with WE ARE ALL EQUAL in the workplace, however, we have different roles and levels of responsibilities – it is not a hierarchical difference. It is very significant point how we use titles such as boss as it does immediately have many connotations to it but mostly one is in a greater position of so called power.
The most amazing work we can offer any employer is the fullness and equality of who we are.
When we hold ourselves as more or lesser than another, it sets us on a course of inequality in the relationship and greatly reduces its potential for learning, evolution and expansion. There is no growth or development when everyone is holding on to playing roles.
I have even known for ‘Boss’ to be entered onto someone’s mobile phone as a name so that when called it shows up on th screen. There is so much on offer in our names that we lose when we don’t use them or don’t use them with care that this is no coincidence.
“I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context. ” How we use words is so important. We can use ‘throwaway’ lines, but every word – spoken aloud or not – has its own energetic ripple effect.
Calling somebody ‘boss’ seems to be popular for those doing the calling and those being labeled as such. I wonder how it would feel if a ‘boss’ would call their team members by that label, i.e. “Hello team member” instead of using their name?
If we live the fact that we are our own bosses, we all also be more willing to be inspired and led by another. I have always found myself most willing to learn from another when I am feeling solid within myself. If I am feeling insecure, self-doubting or in need of recognition, then the doors to another’s inspiration are firmly closed.
Does the fact that we so easily call someone boss indicate that we enjoy irresponsibility?
I think we like other people to take the lead in general, instead of claiming our lives and that we need to take the lead, take the initiative, front foot and stop waiting for other people to do the work for us.
I notice there’s a tone that can go with a manager’s name when it’s being said that denotes their position. I shall observe this more because it’s very different to when they are being referred to as who they are as the person first.
I also notice that titles (are director etc.) are used when in reference to needing to get permission for something. This title completely strips that person of who they are as a person and puts them into the role they are in. Job titles definitely can do this- putting who you are under an overlay of the role you do – rather than being you first who is doing specific tasks.
We subscribe too much to these false hierarchies and not enough to our relationship with God. How would you feel if you employed someone and they never showed up? God always preserves with us despite our poor track record.
If as women we want equality, we can’t pick and choose when and how, and switch it on and off for our own convenience. We have to learn we are all equal with an equal voice, even with the person in charge of a project or a team, we all have an equal part to play and an equal voice to speak with.
Yes, absolutely Gill. The many women in my life who inspire me across the whole spectrum of ages, I see treated with respect by men and women and I can see why. These women totally love and adore themselves, not in an indulgent better than thou way, but in a matter of fact, why wouldn’t I?completely natural way. But nor do they hold anyone less. They see people for the amazing beings they are so would never seek to play games like bring out the helpless card, or the nice card as that’s not respectful of either themselves or the other person.
They’ve taught me that I am worthy to treat myself and others with 100% respect and decency. I do not need to accept less and if someone is being disrespectful in some way I can respond appropriately.
A powerful statement that puts responsibility firmly back into our own lap with no room to blame another for any choice we make in life.
“I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life”
The use of first names immediately opens up the way for a more equal relationship, and has the suggestion of a more intimate relationship allowable. The Quakers in their belief that everyone is equal and that we own our own connection to God, always called people by their first names. When I was growing up letters were always addressed to Mr, Mrs, or MIss, or another title, and only the initial of the first name used, by everyone except the Quakers, who wrote just the first name and surname. I still find it difficult to call a doctor by their first name, and then if they address me by my first name I can feel a very uncomfortable imbalance. This shows me how I give my power away to their expertise and supposed status. This needs sorting, thank you for the prompt to look at this Anonymous.
This concept of authority is just a convenient way from us holding back what we have to bring. We moan about other people restricting us but is that true or is it down to us?
I feel that this is the tip of something really big Joseph. We are constantly bemoaning the systems, those in positions of authority, the bosses and leaders…and yet we enable them willingly. So in fact it appears like the perfect win-win situation for us – a total set-up – we get the comfort of not having to put our heads above the parapets and expressing our own truth and then the indulgence of blaming others when it doesn’t work out.
Yes and its people who make systems work. When we step up and demand change, if there are sufficient numbers, the system has to change. We can no longer point the finger outside of ourselves.
Yes, it holds us back from connecting to each other on a personal level.
Could it be that the boss is us in every situation and when we come to this understanding our awareness increases so we end up in the wisdom of knowing we are vessels for energy and thus we can choose to live in the hands of God who is and has always been our equal.
When my father died I remember a freind of the family asking my sister and myself who was going to be the ‘boss’ in the family now! I was quite taken aback as had never even considered that there would be someone to take my father’s place, even though I didn’t ever see him as ‘the boss’. My answer was that no one was, because as far as I understood and felt it, we were and are all equal.
It is such a pressure for fathers to consider themselves ‘the boss’ and so disempowering for everyone else.
It is interesting to see that we choose to let someone be the boss over us energetically well before we experience the feeling of being ‘bossed around’
Energy is the boss of everything – are you working for the one who loves unconditionally, is truthful all the time and holds back not one bit? Or are you a slave to the whims of a relentless, aggressive, rude dictator who will bully you and tear you to bits?
“I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life” – there is no wriggle room in this truth. No ifs, buts, nothing like that – just the truth laid out for us to live.
I love it too Sarah it puts each of us firmly in the seat of responsiblity if we embrace it.
Whilst we can take direction from another at work or in life we do ourselves and others a dis-service when we give our power away.
‘I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ even God is not ‘the boss’ as He just loves us all unconditionally as we retrace our path back to His Divine Love.
It is a great observation here made that in the workplace that the ‘boss’ is associated with men, however, what I find very interesting is that when men talk about who is the ‘boss’ at home it is their partner?
It seems to me that we can have other ‘bosses’ rather than just people, things like objects, jobs, food, exercise. Things that we give our power away to and rule our lives and that we like to blame rather than taking our own responsibility for our choices.
Attitudes towards ‘the boss’ certainly do support separation between us. They are just another picture we are fed and then react to. Calling out our pictures is so needed in this and every other area of life.
Anonymous, I love this; ‘I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.’ I can feel reading this article how we give our power away when we say ‘boss’ and see someone in charge of us, this I feel can stops the equality and respect for everyone that is deserved.
We can play better or less in any relationship if we choose. Looking at where we do is a way to put a stop to the separation we foster when we do this. It’s a biggy for me too as I can feel how I speak and act differently when there is someone in a temporal higher position than me. I wonder if this starts when we are children and we are told to respect our elders, which of course we should, but not taught to discern if the older person is safe or loving to be around, so we are really asked to blindly follow a rule to give our power away to certain people.
A great point Aimee. Being a child of the fifties and sixties I and my brother were taught to respect our elders, even when we could feel they weren’t worth respecting or safe to be around. This taught me to not value my own feelings, and hence gave away my power. Young children are often more aware of what is going on than the older adults around them. They are worth listening to.
I always balked at the word ‘boss’ as it never sat well with me so I love what you have bought to the table here as we cannot afford to give our power away to anyone.
The word ‘boss’ can have such an underlying feeling of control – but what if it is not the word but the experiences we have with it. A word that expresses a persons position is not held by the ideals and beliefs we have but the relationship we build with the person who holds that title.
It is great to pick up on these things… Can seem small but as we well know, attention in the detail is so important
Expressing ourselves in the equality we all are is not to hold back heaven.
I have been noticing how in every relationship it is possible for the inspiration and support to come from anyone. A great example of this is how often are we stumped by the level of wisdom and clarity offered from a very young child? When we get stuck in assigning power and deference to one person or another, it restricts and reduces the potential for the expansion in the relationship. In a working environment where people have actual titles and expected roles, it can be more challenging to connect to the ultimate equality we have in our ability to contribute, inspire and lead in the moment, yet it is worth being open to it and allowing such seeds to grow and bless us all.
That is so true, Golnaz.
Well said Golnaz. Living in a way that inspires others to see things in a different way anywhere is empowering to all.
So much to learn from such a little word, how many other words do we use that give our power away, your blog sheds light on how important it is to be aware of the energy behind the everyday words we are using.
I can feel how we can give our power away to words like parent, mother, father, sister, aunty etc. Where there is a consciousness of needing to be higher or lesser than another. It is powerful to see it for what it is and feel what exactly is being transferred when we speak and express when using certain words.
The words we use are all connected to a consciousness that represents the truth or are laced with lies. It is our responsibility to discern first the quality in which we are expressing as such revealing the quality of words we are presenting with. In this way we restore the true meaning of words back into our conversations by expressing with the truth and realness of who we are, arresting the circulation of lies through our expression, as such honoring the truth we all deserve to live with.
It is great to feel that no-one has control over us, when we know we are the ones to make our own decisions and also then we are responsible for the outcome of choices that shape our lives.. all up to us.
Yes, we are ‘responsible for the outcome of choices we make that shape our lives’ and that’s exactly what most people don’t want to be aware of. If they did, they know they’d also need to step up to the plate and accept that what they have in their lives is not the result of a random set of happenings, but what they’ve actively created from the quality of all the choices they’ve made in life up to that point.