I recently realised that I, along with most other members of the teaching and auxiliary staff at school, usually refer to the principal in conversations as ‘the boss’. I have found this to be the common, everyday practice for members of staff, no matter what their position, across the wide variety of schools I have had the pleasure of working in during my teaching career.
I also started listening to how people employed in other occupations referred to the people appointed in supervisory positions above them and realised using the word ‘boss’ in conversation with others, both at work and socially, is quite commonplace. In fact it’s very much the norm.
My referring to the principal as ‘the boss’ is something I have done for years without ever stopping and contemplating what was really going on behind the use of such a simple and seemingly harmless word.
If you had ever asked me why I referred to the many principals I have worked with over the years as ‘the boss,’ I would have said I did it playfully and with a touch of affection, but today I realised this, in truth, is not what is going on at all. I’ve realised I have never called any of the female principals I have worked with ‘the boss.’ I have always referred to them by their first name.
I was quite taken aback when I realised I only used ‘the boss’ when my principal was male.
This moment was a huge wake-up call.
This really made me stop and consider what was truly happening around my use of the word ‘boss,’ but only when ‘the boss’ was male. It felt like a blind acceptance on my part of the status quo society has held for aeons because, traditionally, most supervisors were male. There was quite an OUCH in that realisation, I can tell you.
I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years. The principal is my immediate supervisor, but not my boss. Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. I am at the helm when it comes to my life and the choices of behaviour I make. I am the boss of me; no one else, no matter what relationship – work, social or familial – we share. I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.
Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing, however it feels like it holds an enormous learning for me to use the principal’s first name in conversation, as I do for everyone else I am referring to, from now on.
I have kept this awareness at the forefront of my awareness at work and in any conversation I’ve had about school since I arrived at this realisation. Interestingly, I have found it quite a challenge at times as I suddenly realise I’ve let the words ‘the boss’ slip out in conversation. They say old habits die hard and, at this stage, I would say it is a work in progress.
I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context. Thanks to the realisation I had about my usage of the very small word ‘boss,’ I am now on the lookout to see if any other undertones of deference or giving away of my power are present in any other situations in my life, as I know doing this is not at all supportive to my personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect. Sure has been a great lesson to learn.
By Anonymous
Further Reading:
Love in Business – Creating Harmonious Workplace Relationships
A woman’s worth at work
Words: The power and the glory, or a death sentence?
It’s is quite a while since I wrote this blog and I have just come back to read /re-read people’s comments.
What I have realised in the interim is just how top down and imposing the education system actually was and still is.
I can see how that I just followed suit when I started working in my first school (back in the 1970’s) and adopted the culture of calling the principal ‘the boss’ when referring to him in conversation, just as all the other staff did.
In those times the principal was always male and was addressed as Mr………. and one’s gender decided which staffroom you went to at break time. Smoking was allowed, so the men’s staffroom was always an absolute haze of smoke if you ever had cause to visit. Everyone had to knock on the door and wait for permission to enter if that was not one’s allocated staffroom.
Staffrooms are now unisex and no one needs permission to enter. Times changed and females were appointed as administrators. What has not changed are the top down dictates that the principals have to demand of their staff so, no matter how much equality the principal endeavours to enjoy with their staff, they have a sword hanging over their heads to ensure the dictates of the central organisational department instigated by the government are complied with. The principals are supervised and have their ‘bosses’ as well. No wonder the word’ boss’ still permeates school campuses in this country.
Using the term ‘the boss’ implies that they are bossy and that their word is law, when for a business to run efficiently and harmoniously the CEO has to listen to everyone for the benefit of all.
Energetic principle should be an elective at schools so we can all start to learn how to use words in True energy, and that could branch out into night class for older students? Super important and empowering is understanding the science of energy!
Makes me wonder which words in everyday conversation do I use that aren’t truly what I would use. Just as swear words come with an energy behind them all other words do too.
I must admit I have not heard the word ‘boss’ used in my working career as a teacher, this is new to me. At the end of the day we are all responsible for our actions, and equal human beings whatever our position.
It’s cool when we learn to observe something in life then unpack it and it’s true intentions. The same method can be applied for so many more aspects of life.
What I found most striking is that you only did it when your boss was male. It really is a peeling back of layers of behaviour that have become so familiar.
How we view the word boss will determine how we act towards that person. Many years ago I accepted a promotion and the women I had been working with and were friendly with all turned against me. At the time I took it personally but now realise that it wasn’t personal but a reaction.
In how many situations in life, have they stayed the same just because no-one spoke up? Our silence affects every relationship we have!
How many times do we develop sloped shoulders for not accepting our responsibility by merely referring it to the boss?
In French we have a feminine word for Boss “La patrone” which gives consciouness a chance to apply it to serve the purpose
“Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. I am at the helm when it comes to my life and the choices of behaviour I make.” To deeply know this, is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.
Sarah Flenley I agree with you that Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine through the teachings and workshops has supported everyone to take self responsibility over their lives and not give their power away as we may have done as children to our parents and older siblings. What I have also learnt is not to allow abuse in my life. If there is abuse, call it out so that it cannot take root in any relationship. When we become aware of abuse we can then see it everywhere in our daily interactions. It’s staggering how we seem numb to the abuse that goes on in every aspect of life and worse we accept abuse as part of life.
Thank you for bringing this up. It feels to me now that in a way by calling my supervisor boss I have been dodging responsibility and possible blame.
It is indeed fascinating and profound when we look deeper at our use of words and the affect they have on us.
I have pretty much always been the boss for most of my working life which in my experience means I am the servant of everyone else – things are not always what they seem to be!
Accepting our role in life as being the Big “B” or boss in charge of our own lot no matter what directives we get, as we choose the “E” energy we are in first and fore-most.
This is a great article and makes me realise that using the word ‘boss’ can disempower people. Supervisor feels really supportive and it feels like everyone is equal and there to help each other.
Yes I agree, it is much more empowering and respectful on both sides, even manager is one I find works well.
“The Boss” is a human being. Well put.
I can see what you are sharing here is a really good reason to separate from each other and live to a level of responsibility that we are comfortable with. There is less pressure to take responsibility when we have a Boss – we can blame, moan and abdicate responsibility. When we just take that word out and use Supervisor or Manager there is a difference in pictures, much less domineering and much more supportive.
Its funny how we can use words to lessen people and put each other into boxes. This is a huge watch out, especially in business.
We are the boss of our own life. If we choose to ignore energy it’s like running a business and never looking at the profit sheet.
The word ‘boss’ for me encapsulates a game I have played at various instances throughout my life, where I have decided to figuratively say someone else is the ‘boss’ in the situation. Whether they actually hold such a corporate position or not has been irrelevant.
What has been actually playing out is my choice to pull back my power and expression as if in a sulk. Choosing to nurse the hurt of feeling a rebuttal of my input and washing my hands clean by saying “he/she is the boss and what they say goes, so it is their responsibility”. I have therefore held myself as a powerless victim in the situation whilst every part of me has been screaming out that I ought to be taking more responsibility, even if it is simply by continuing to hold everyone in understanding and love, and being ready to express with no judgment or expectation when any opening does present itself.
It is the way we use words that really set the tone. Boss is no different and shows how we can actually stunt each other rather than embracing that we are all equal.
When we start from the place that we are equal in essence it becomes clearer that despite our different roles in life we each have equal responsibility to live with energetic integrity.
The way and intention of using words does make a big difference, bringing it back to having love as our foundation for everything.
We can label and bring conditions in the way we use words. Great to bring awareness to this Anon.
Words always have power, and are innately revealing as to the state of energetic play that is around us
Chris James I agree with you. We use words as weapons as we know exactly which words to use to bring someone down or to confirm them. We are masters using the energy of words as a form of black magic or white magic.
If you listen to Serge Benhayon or read any of his books the energy being used is White Magic as they heal our bodies and confirm who we are in truth.
The assumption and belief (widely accepted and well-entrenched) that people in positions of authority are male is so damaging for us all. As a generalisation, it leaves men isolated and out in the cold and women apologetic and subservient.
I like Rumpole of the Bailey who used to refer to his wife as “she who must be obeyed” – I have not yet managed to get my husband to adopt that terminology.
Shall we call ourselves the work and the boss or the powerhouses we all are?
It’s interesting, I have noticed how the word boss can affect people and have them wanting to live up to an image of what they think boss means. I have observed it usually seems to puff up the chest – whether it be a man or a woman and instil a slight separatist stance… a superior stance and I have noticed how that person then goes hard and tries harder to be seen as the one in authority. I’m not saying this happens all the time but when the actual “boss” is away and other people are called the boss temporarily I have seen this happen very often. Also the stand-in bosses (myself included) can say something to negate their position or down play it which is like down playing the very responsibility that they have been awarded.
Yes, overplaying and downplaying is common as it is not a natural configuration. It is often better for someone to be in charge but separating them as ‘the boss’ is not needed and often not beneficial.
I love how honesty always supports us, to allow a greater truth for us to be pulled-up by, healing and clearing how and where we give our power away as such liberating us from engaging in the circulation of lies that hinder us all from honouring, living and expressing the power of who we truly are.
Appreciating that there can be no ‘boss’ without a whole team and that everyone plays a part in making the team successful supports a feeling of equality.
There needs to be a rock solid knowing that we are all equal before we go and talk about roles we have in our work or private life.
It is interesting the moments when we feel the ‘ouch’ of our blind beliefs and assumptions. All based on our past experiences and usually rejections and hurts rather than what is really there in front of us.
I used the word ‘boss’ this week when talking about the manager with some colleagues. I felt the undertone of ‘it is her responsibility’ and how it gave the conversation a direction that was not needed and harmful for everyone involved, including the manager. It is always my responsibility to not feed the conversation with pictures oremotions to get recognition but to hold everyone equal.
Equality in the work place and in life is an important way of being and feeling no matter what position we hold as it allows responsibility integrity and support for all and a true way of being.
People are given these positions of seeming power and authority, but so few are given any support or training to hold those positions and not abuse them or be overwhelmed by them.
There are too many situations in society where the position of ‘Boss’ or ‘Manager’ is abused and used to control or bully a person or group, but this is actually a role that requires an enormous amount of integrity and responsibility and can be a position through which we can bring a team together and create change.
Titles and positions bring an air of separation when we are clouded by the beliefs that entrench the words leader and boss with power and control.
Words are riddled with meaning that are often untrue or not in their true expression. It is when we are willing to see through this that we can embrace that we are all equal in our work no matter how it is delivered to the world.
Holding ourselves as less than the person who has placed themselves in the ‘top’ position is a sure way to let the division rule our lives and to see that person as different. Often when people are promoted within companies it is hard for the work colleagues to adjust because suddenly the ‘boss’ energy comes into play.
There is a dehumanising of another person too when we refer to them as ‘the boss’ – like saying they are a different species whether revered, scorned or resented.
We often refer to ‘the boss’ with resentment and bucket loads of blame – which simply shows that we have chosen not to take responsibility and have allowed an energy of withdrawal and reaction to boss us around. Time to take back our job ~ as CEO of our hearts.
When we make someone “the boss” we can easily hand over accountability to them. We are all responsible and accountable for our actions irrespective of what role we play in life.
Gosh this is an important point Elizabeth; highlighting the responsibility we all have, whatever our job title. Actually this works at home too, with family, friends and all the people we interact with everyday.
As we tend to spend so many hours at work its very important we feel comfortable there, if we don’t feel equal then we always feel less the which ultimately leads to harm.
Thank you for writing this blog as you have exposed something for me around this word as well – that’s the power of our expression.
Making ourselves less and giving our power away is very hurtful. It is saying we are not worth it and we are not equal when that is not the truth we feel and know in our hearts. This Truth has to be lived for it to be embodied.
Yes this is a great reminder that we are the ones that authorises our life, we don’t have to have anyone dominate or have the upper hand so to speak. All we need to do is connect within, feel and know who we are, stay steady in this and then know that this is our truth. That no one can every change that unless we allow them to do so.
‘ I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.’
This isn’t something that is fully embraced in life. I know it to be true but still I am tempted to say it’s because of this that I’m feeling that. Recently I had some unpleasantries to deal with and it took me a while to look at what was going on that I was feeling. I could see it was a lot of choices that I had been making that were way older than the person who was acting as focaliser to it all. It was an opportunity for me to heal old hurts and make loving choices.
It’s not so much the word “boss” that people have an issue with, it’s more so the load that the word comes with, or the energy it’s said in that typically is one of superiority. And so when the superiority energy is got rid of then the word/any word is enjoyed or appreciated for the clearer less junked-up meaning it carries.
Anonymous, I love this; ‘Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.’ This is such a great way of looking at supervisory roles – that they are a support and that everyone can work together.
Today I used this word as a joke I thought. A colleague picked the phone up and I wanted to talk to the person who happens to manage the department. I know both of them well and usually only ever call them by name. But today I jokingly said “is your boss in?” The moment passed, but the ‘joking’ did not take away the edge off the horribleness of calling someone ‘your boss’ rather than using his name. In one fell swoop I had confirmed the curse of people seeing roles more important than the actual person, plus I had reduced my colleagues to what they do and could sense the loss of the usual playful interaction and my appreciation of the care they bring to what they do. Not one to repeat.
The choice to defer to another because of their position was something I did a lot; I was always placing people on pedestals and so choosing to feel lesser than them. And using the word boss can be one way of deferring, with images of being bossed by someone, someone being bossy, easily coming to mind. But to come to know that ‘the boss’, as another human being, is my equal, has released the feeling of being bossed and opened up a new way of relating to those in positions ahead of mine.
Since first reading this blog a couple of months ago I’ve come to realise just how engrained things can become as it is taking concentration not to refer to my line manager as ‘my boss’.
The irony is that we can hold ourselves as less in the presence of our boss, yet what the boss really wants is for us to do our best, which means being in our fullness and not holding back.
Buying into these false ideas of hierarchy is very stressful – you’re constantly at the whim of someone else and wishing they would approve of you, when the truth is this can only ever come from you. Time to give yourself that promotion your heart has longed for.
Indeed Ariana, there is an inequality in the word boss when it is expressed to appoint someone into a certain position. And this inequality is in that we cannot be not equal and therewith not in line with our nature. Therefore someone being ‘the boss’ is something we erroneously have created in our wayward journey away from who we truly are.
It is good to question ourselves what we do by calling someone being the boss and approaching that person as such. Do we then give that person power over us, that he or she has a ‘higher’ responsibility than we have, do we make him or her the cause of all of our issues at work, that he or she is responsible to come with all of the solutions, and so on?
Could it be that calling someone the boss is because of an age old experience of people acting as superior and in that using the energy of bullying to wield their power over the people and that in that line the word boss could be derived form the word bully?
It’s always about the energy that the words are said in, I have a learner who affectionally calls me boss and to me there is nothing sinister in this – he is a big guy and I’m a physically small lady when something is said in total respect we feel it, likewise we also know deep down when something has been said to subtly undermine.
We complain about dictatorships but it’s us who let ourselves be bossed about instead of being on the front foot of life. We don’t need to be recepients of what the world sends our way – we can be the ones initiating change every day.
Joseph a beautiful reminder of how to live in life, one where we don’t set back and cruise expecting everything to be the way we want, but one where we are deeply inspired to be all that we are and in that deal with whatever is coming up to be dealt with so we don’t get bossed around, we are ‘ahead’ so to speak.
‘The Boss’ is the one who knows all are equal, but equally knows themselves to be the leading impulse in this particular area or subject.
So true Michael Brown – there is no feeling of superiority or oneupmanship when the boss holds each and everyone in equalness for their areas of strength and support for the whole.
It always amazes me how readily roles are jumped in to, and how it is possible to see the underlying motivations or intent that each person has for choosing their chosen role. But what is also equally amazing, is how, underneath what is perhaps at times not so harmonious as we place ourselves within the group, There is also a deep and ancient understanding that each person has their part to contribute, a part which no one else can, as their expression is unique. And so we can appreciate each others strengths and enjoy them with equality.
It is only by experiencing that in practice that we can feel the difference and how one offers an expansion in our contribution and the other caps our contribution.
This blog is great for making me consider if I treat different managers differently depending on their gender. As a woman, I can sometimes fall into the consciousness that plays out from family and school where boys are treated with more respect and authority than girls. Definitely something to keep an eye on, as it means that I am playing less and not treating everyone equally.
How important to explore the energy of control or deference that is revealed in the tone of voice when speaking to perceived figures in authority – consultants, doctors, teachers, the ‘boss at work, even parents.
It is great to be honest with what preconceptions we have around words and how ‘boss’ can be associated with men in power. A great one for us to be aware of in terms of words and how we use them. This blog really exposes this in me as well, and how I relate this word to male and superior and how actually overall boss means an inequality.
“This moment was a huge wake-up call” – Observing how we are, our behaviours and how we respond to life can offer many of these moments where we can learn, advance and let go of any judgement.
This really brings home the power of words and how we use them in a positive or a negative way, especially how we can give our power away to others and diminish ourselves in the process.
The way i view it is that we start with WE ARE ALL EQUAL in the workplace, however, we have different roles and levels of responsibilities – it is not a hierarchical difference. It is very significant point how we use titles such as boss as it does immediately have many connotations to it but mostly one is in a greater position of so called power.
The most amazing work we can offer any employer is the fullness and equality of who we are.
When we hold ourselves as more or lesser than another, it sets us on a course of inequality in the relationship and greatly reduces its potential for learning, evolution and expansion. There is no growth or development when everyone is holding on to playing roles.
I have even known for ‘Boss’ to be entered onto someone’s mobile phone as a name so that when called it shows up on th screen. There is so much on offer in our names that we lose when we don’t use them or don’t use them with care that this is no coincidence.
“I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context. ” How we use words is so important. We can use ‘throwaway’ lines, but every word – spoken aloud or not – has its own energetic ripple effect.
Calling somebody ‘boss’ seems to be popular for those doing the calling and those being labeled as such. I wonder how it would feel if a ‘boss’ would call their team members by that label, i.e. “Hello team member” instead of using their name?
If we live the fact that we are our own bosses, we all also be more willing to be inspired and led by another. I have always found myself most willing to learn from another when I am feeling solid within myself. If I am feeling insecure, self-doubting or in need of recognition, then the doors to another’s inspiration are firmly closed.
Does the fact that we so easily call someone boss indicate that we enjoy irresponsibility?
I think we like other people to take the lead in general, instead of claiming our lives and that we need to take the lead, take the initiative, front foot and stop waiting for other people to do the work for us.
I notice there’s a tone that can go with a manager’s name when it’s being said that denotes their position. I shall observe this more because it’s very different to when they are being referred to as who they are as the person first.
I also notice that titles (are director etc.) are used when in reference to needing to get permission for something. This title completely strips that person of who they are as a person and puts them into the role they are in. Job titles definitely can do this- putting who you are under an overlay of the role you do – rather than being you first who is doing specific tasks.
Yes, absolutely Gill. The many women in my life who inspire me across the whole spectrum of ages, I see treated with respect by men and women and I can see why. These women totally love and adore themselves, not in an indulgent better than thou way, but in a matter of fact, why wouldn’t I?completely natural way. But nor do they hold anyone less. They see people for the amazing beings they are so would never seek to play games like bring out the helpless card, or the nice card as that’s not respectful of either themselves or the other person.
They’ve taught me that I am worthy to treat myself and others with 100% respect and decency. I do not need to accept less and if someone is being disrespectful in some way I can respond appropriately.
We subscribe too much to these false hierarchies and not enough to our relationship with God. How would you feel if you employed someone and they never showed up? God always preserves with us despite our poor track record.
A powerful statement that puts responsibility firmly back into our own lap with no room to blame another for any choice we make in life.
“I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life”
The use of first names immediately opens up the way for a more equal relationship, and has the suggestion of a more intimate relationship allowable. The Quakers in their belief that everyone is equal and that we own our own connection to God, always called people by their first names. When I was growing up letters were always addressed to Mr, Mrs, or MIss, or another title, and only the initial of the first name used, by everyone except the Quakers, who wrote just the first name and surname. I still find it difficult to call a doctor by their first name, and then if they address me by my first name I can feel a very uncomfortable imbalance. This shows me how I give my power away to their expertise and supposed status. This needs sorting, thank you for the prompt to look at this Anonymous.
This concept of authority is just a convenient way from us holding back what we have to bring. We moan about other people restricting us but is that true or is it down to us?
I feel that this is the tip of something really big Joseph. We are constantly bemoaning the systems, those in positions of authority, the bosses and leaders…and yet we enable them willingly. So in fact it appears like the perfect win-win situation for us – a total set-up – we get the comfort of not having to put our heads above the parapets and expressing our own truth and then the indulgence of blaming others when it doesn’t work out.
Yes and its people who make systems work. When we step up and demand change, if there are sufficient numbers, the system has to change. We can no longer point the finger outside of ourselves.
Yes, it holds us back from connecting to each other on a personal level.
Could it be that the boss is us in every situation and when we come to this understanding our awareness increases so we end up in the wisdom of knowing we are vessels for energy and thus we can choose to live in the hands of God who is and has always been our equal.
When my father died I remember a freind of the family asking my sister and myself who was going to be the ‘boss’ in the family now! I was quite taken aback as had never even considered that there would be someone to take my father’s place, even though I didn’t ever see him as ‘the boss’. My answer was that no one was, because as far as I understood and felt it, we were and are all equal.
It is such a pressure for fathers to consider themselves ‘the boss’ and so disempowering for everyone else.
It is interesting to see that we choose to let someone be the boss over us energetically well before we experience the feeling of being ‘bossed around’
Energy is the boss of everything – are you working for the one who loves unconditionally, is truthful all the time and holds back not one bit? Or are you a slave to the whims of a relentless, aggressive, rude dictator who will bully you and tear you to bits?
“I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life” – there is no wriggle room in this truth. No ifs, buts, nothing like that – just the truth laid out for us to live.
I love it too Sarah it puts each of us firmly in the seat of responsiblity if we embrace it.
Whilst we can take direction from another at work or in life we do ourselves and others a dis-service when we give our power away.
‘I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ even God is not ‘the boss’ as He just loves us all unconditionally as we retrace our path back to His Divine Love.
It is a great observation here made that in the workplace that the ‘boss’ is associated with men, however, what I find very interesting is that when men talk about who is the ‘boss’ at home it is their partner?
It seems to me that we can have other ‘bosses’ rather than just people, things like objects, jobs, food, exercise. Things that we give our power away to and rule our lives and that we like to blame rather than taking our own responsibility for our choices.
Anonymous, I love this; ‘I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life – no one ‘pulls my strings’ or can make me do anything without my giving permission for it to happen in the first place.’ I can feel reading this article how we give our power away when we say ‘boss’ and see someone in charge of us, this I feel can stops the equality and respect for everyone that is deserved.
We can play better or less in any relationship if we choose. Looking at where we do is a way to put a stop to the separation we foster when we do this. It’s a biggy for me too as I can feel how I speak and act differently when there is someone in a temporal higher position than me. I wonder if this starts when we are children and we are told to respect our elders, which of course we should, but not taught to discern if the older person is safe or loving to be around, so we are really asked to blindly follow a rule to give our power away to certain people.
A great point Aimee. Being a child of the fifties and sixties I and my brother were taught to respect our elders, even when we could feel they weren’t worth respecting or safe to be around. This taught me to not value my own feelings, and hence gave away my power. Young children are often more aware of what is going on than the older adults around them. They are worth listening to.
I always balked at the word ‘boss’ as it never sat well with me so I love what you have bought to the table here as we cannot afford to give our power away to anyone.
The word ‘boss’ can have such an underlying feeling of control – but what if it is not the word but the experiences we have with it. A word that expresses a persons position is not held by the ideals and beliefs we have but the relationship we build with the person who holds that title.
It is great to pick up on these things… Can seem small but as we well know, attention in the detail is so important
Expressing ourselves in the equality we all are is not to hold back heaven.
Yes, we are ‘responsible for the outcome of choices we make that shape our lives’ and that’s exactly what most people don’t want to be aware of. If they did, they know they’d also need to step up to the plate and accept that what they have in their lives is not the result of a random set of happenings, but what they’ve actively created from the quality of all the choices they’ve made in life up to that point.
I have been noticing how in every relationship it is possible for the inspiration and support to come from anyone. A great example of this is how often are we stumped by the level of wisdom and clarity offered from a very young child? When we get stuck in assigning power and deference to one person or another, it restricts and reduces the potential for the expansion in the relationship. In a working environment where people have actual titles and expected roles, it can be more challenging to connect to the ultimate equality we have in our ability to contribute, inspire and lead in the moment, yet it is worth being open to it and allowing such seeds to grow and bless us all.
That is so true, Golnaz.
Well said Golnaz. Living in a way that inspires others to see things in a different way anywhere is empowering to all.
So much to learn from such a little word, how many other words do we use that give our power away, your blog sheds light on how important it is to be aware of the energy behind the everyday words we are using.
I can feel how we can give our power away to words like parent, mother, father, sister, aunty etc. Where there is a consciousness of needing to be higher or lesser than another. It is powerful to see it for what it is and feel what exactly is being transferred when we speak and express when using certain words.
The words we use are all connected to a consciousness that represents the truth or are laced with lies. It is our responsibility to discern first the quality in which we are expressing as such revealing the quality of words we are presenting with. In this way we restore the true meaning of words back into our conversations by expressing with the truth and realness of who we are, arresting the circulation of lies through our expression, as such honoring the truth we all deserve to live with.
Perhaps we can all be ‘The Boss’. Perhaps we can work together knowing that we are all bosses in our own way. There is no need to hold someone higher than ourselves because of a job title. If we take command and bring our own true power we are bosses who can bring so much. We need to be respectful of our leader but there is no need to bow down.
Without reflections and realizations like this about ‘the boss’ we are not even aware of how much we are run by programs written often in early childhood and taken unrecognized into adulthood. Awareness allows choice and change and thus de-programming to then have the space to be who we are in our own authority.
False hierarchy is a convenient way to foster our hurts. To see others as lower or higher just perpetuates illusion and keeps us away from the fact we are here to work together to return to Love.
We have to look beyond the title of “boss” and see the person who has the title “boss”. That way we do not give our power away.
Interesting that I have felt how it is to be referred to as a ‘boss’ and didn’t like it and yet when referring to the person I report to at work the pattern is still there to refer to them as my ‘boss’. It feels great to then refer to them by their name and describe the position they are in as such i.e. Director or owner etc.
The importance and clarity of words and our choices is evident here and very powerful with the knowing that we are in control of our lives and the empowerment from this being crucial to how we live and place ourselves in life.
I like the way that you have acknowledged here that you are at the helm of your life, and as such that no one is truly the ‘boss of you’.
We choose who is boss in any moment be that spirit or soul the difference is enormous and only ever one or the other.
Are we “appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required” and are we not all in this place from an energetic point of view as a Son of God to be supportive in all we do as required! Then could we expand play-fully the word BOSSS to be Build Our Supportive Soul Service and get rid of the controlling aspect and work together as a team returning to our true divinity, thus bringing play-full-ness to life as it is such a joy.
I am the boss of me. So true and it changes everything. No more projections out of who is responsible. I am. The choices I make and the effect it has on my body reflect back to me what was supportive or not. This way of living gives me space. And in fact it makes the body the boss without it caring how I call it!
You made me smile Caroline, as my daughter says to me ‘you’re not the boss of me, I am the boss of me’.
This is a very important observation that you have bought to our attention as it clearly shows the consciousness behind words.
Giving our power away to others is a serious drug. We look like innocent victims but we are no better off than junkies. We always have a say and a role to play.
We need to be very aware of every word we express as we often do not express the true words needed for what and how the other needs to hear it and its vibration
There are so many connotations that go with words that can often lead to a misinterpretation and a judgement. The more we express from our joy and vitality our words hold a quality that does not impose by express words in connection to the conversation.
Depending on our beliefs around what it means to be the boss, sometimes we can use it as a guard to keep people out.
“Who’s the Boss?” – when it is love, then i am always the willing employee or colleague : )
Great call, Zofia. It’s only when Love is in expression in any aspect of one’s day that things can be of true benefit, support and care for all concerned, no matter what their relationship or circumstance at the time.
Its interesting we don’t realise that by saying the word boss we are giving our power to someone else, rather than staying connected with our self.
I know that I hold myself as less than my boss. Silly really as she is a human being just like me! But there is something within me that bows down to someone who has all the answers and knows her job so well. This highlights how I still place value on the things that we know rather than who we are. A great exposure and something to work with.
I can very much relate with what you’ve shared Rebecca, I used to do this a lot in the past. Now, I when I am being myself, I notice I see everyone as equal.
There can be a tendency to separate ourselves as different, more or less responsible when we use terms like boss, when in reality we all have our responsibilities in our roles and in life.
I agree, Jenny. It feels the key word is ‘Responsibility’ and what I’ve shared is an offering for each of us to stop and ponder on the relationship we have with it in our lives. What I’m finding is I need to be open to seeing that responsibility is so integral to everything I think, feel and do and to not discount a moment as being one that doesn’t really matter, as in the overall scheme of things, every thought, word and deed counts – now that’s Responsibility with a capital R!
In many workplaces I have worked in it has been common for people to moan and roll their eyes about ‘the boss’ or ‘management ‘ and I have certainly done this too and I can see after reading this insightful blog that we do this to blame something outside of us for the problems or issues rather than taking responsibility for making changes in our own behaviour or standing up for what we feel is true within the system.
Yeah we are masters of passing the buck! But the reality is that the buck stops here.
Well said Andrew, this is exactly what we experience in our business. People not wanting to take responsibility for them selves so its an easy way out to blame the bosses for any problems and issues.
There is alot in life that we blindly take as true or the way things are. Assumptions made that severely impact on our lives. Be it the words we say, the silences we choose, the way of life we do not question. I love that you have this clarity about this word and how you had not noticed it’s signifance. This sort of honesty changes the so called reality we live in.
Who has real authority? The person who brings all they are and doesn’t hold back in their divine expression, this person holds true authority. And others can feel it especially when they speak. All we are asked is to live and be in our true essence.
Great observation concerning authority. It reminds me of how children are in their authority so much, body aware and connected, this turns school on its head really…although teachers and children can both live in their authority, adults often loose their way and chose force over love, being in your authority is living true and whole, not who controls things.
And this observation is so important as those who have lost their innate knowing and authority do not like to be reminded of what has been lost and often try to squash and suppress in an attempt to remove the reminder from their view.
Such a beautiful discussion and appreciation of what true authority is – ‘The person who brings all they are and doesn’t hold back in their divine expression.’ This so shows no one can be the ‘boss’ of anyone else – no matter what systems and positions have been set up by religions, rulers or authority figures throughout the annals of history.
Interestingly I was thinking that the boss of me is the type of energy that I allow to run myself, either one that is loving or one that is abusive. I am but at its mercy..
Great point David. One energy bosses us around whilst the other holds you as its equal and equally as authoritative as anyone else.
Great point to raise, David. We each have the choice as to which type of energy we are going to allow power our thoughts and deeds – the divine power of Love or the complete and absolute opposite . . .
There is only one boss to be obedient to who holds us as nothing less than his equal son, thus we embrace who we are rather than giving our power away.
Beautiful Alex, there is only one boss to be obedient too and that connection comes from within, that boss truly wants us to embrace who we are and not give our power away, but rather connect to our power and empower others to be who they truly are.
When we get back to the truth of words and use them correctly, communication becomes so simple, supportive and clear.
Lessons are totally awesome as they reflect a different stage and a deepening awareness we hold.
I wholeheartedly agree that every word we say matters and how we say it and use it is critical.
Yes me too Samantha, I have become so much more aware of this and more open to taking responsibility for what I express as everything matters.
Samantha thats so true, I am learning more each and everyday, that what words we speak can inspire another or harm another, that we need to be living in a way is about being truthful that we do not harm others but inspire.
Thank you for sharing your lesson with us all. It may seem a small thing, but actually and as you revealed it had a huge impact of giving away your power and making yourself less. And as such it is a great learning for us all to become aware of the words we use in our daily conversations.
This blog highlights how we label people by their job roles and the prevailing social attitudes that affect how we feel about the people and the jobs they do. When I had a job as a cleaner my mother was horrified, obviously seeing the role as beneath my intelligence and yet for me the cleaner sets the imprint for everyone for the day, clearing away rubbish and leaving floors clean for people to walk on. We do not value each job equally in the same way we do not value each other equally. In true brotherhood the individual and collective contributions are all valued and no-one is considered lesser in any way.
Lovely sharing Carmel, and so very true, as a society we do not value each job equally and neither do we value each other equally… when we do, when this turns around, the world will be a much more pleasant place to be in, where we can all shine no matter what we do.
I love what you have shared about cleaning and how it sets the imprint for all that follows in the day. I used to love walking into my workspace and appreciating the care and attention that had gone into preparing it for everyone to be in the next day. It felt so different, if for some reason the cleaning hadn’t happened and on another level started the day off on a somewhat ‘staler’ footing as well.
Equality with us all as love and who we are is an essential part of our oneness and brotherhood and can always be felt whatever position we hold and this is so different to the way we work in business, families and life at the moment and its time for this to chance by each of us being who we are naturally love and holding others as this also.
Sometimes being the boss restricts us in our communication to others. I had a boss who told me that she would love to be my friend but being the boss meant that she couldn’t – she took her boss duties very seriously and had pictures of what that looked like.
It is crazy there is a stigma around being a boss, you get treated differently, which really does not make sense, and in big organisation you are expected to behave differently toward other members of staff too.
Could it be because the organisations and systems in place were created from the same source which creates, promotes and supports people to be ‘bosses’ in this way. It’s not just the behaviour in it but the whole model which is well and truly broken.
It is very cool to bring light and honesty to the way we use language. When I use the word ‘boss’ there is not only the giving away of power but also resentment about someone holding a position that I consider more important or higher than mine… our use of language is a gold mine of revelation about our relationship with ourselves, others and life.
I have recently spoken up about something in a work situation, where I had previously allowed that feeling of hierarchy to allow behaviour that wasn’t acceptable, and I realised that the truth is the truth and should be expressed no matter if I am considered above or below another person – truth is equal
To allow unacceptable behaviour to continue without question or challenge condones it. Speaking up against it is a responsibility we all have, regardless of age, rank or status and offers another the opportunity to change.
Awesome Rebecca, this a beautiful example of expressing truth no matter what. Sometimes we can be in fear of expressing truth in case we may lose our job, so the tendency to hold back is very strong. Like you’ve shared, ‘truth is equal’ and we have the power to express truth at any time.
I also feel to add that appointing someone as the boss and seemingly elevating them above the rest of the workers is part of the set-up put in place to make people feel less so they will censor what they say and, as a result of everyone’s going along with this, the truth of what is really going on is not likely to be exposed.
It is very interesting to observe some of the more subtle ways that we give our power away. All of these little subtle ways do add up and can erode our self-worth and our power. It is worth tuning into – you might be surprised what you find.
Choosing the word “Boss” immediately puts you in a degraded state and the two people are not meeting at eye level anymore. How can ever be accessed all the wisdom in such kind of group work? Pretty hard, as only through true group work, where people meet in equalness, everyones contribution can, through appreciation, just flow.
Gender specific roles seem to be set up so that we are distracted from brotherhood and maybe before we get to this connection of brotherhood we need to have a true relationship with one other and it could be possible that we can call this sisterhood? So sisterhood in this example would come before brotherhood.
Making us all equal and in the heart of God this has to be true as we are all Gods children, so brotherhood for all and sisterhood first with one other. And a true relationship being one of true Love with harmony and joy a lived part of those relationships.
The words we use in conversations are super important, and even more so the quality in which we say them. ‘How are you?’, or ‘Good’ as response can be said hundreds of different ways, and have a very different meaning each time for example.
So true Susie, saying words with anger in our bodies and that energy can be felt no matter how wonderful the word descriptively is.
A great point of learning for us all, that the energy behind words is the truth of what we feel, not the words themselves.
We can have many bosses but we are ultimately only ever accountable to one and that is God.
How obedient are we actually to the one *Boss*- which in fact always asks us to not feel lesser than he is.
Cultural traditions and beliefs hold fast and many families still use titles to distinguish one person from another: mum, dad, aunty, uncle, grandma, grandpa. When we call all family members by their first name that equalises the way we relate to each other.
In other words some families believe it’s disrespectful for a child to call an elder by their first name. And yet, if energetically we are one, the child equal to all family members, relates to them on first name terms. It’s the quality of relationship within families that denotes respect, not titles used.
No matter who I work for in life, my only boss is God.
“I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context.” Yes, its so easy to just let our words roll off our tongue without any real consideration for what they really mean and/or in the context in which we are using them. So many of our words have been misused over time and have lost their true meaning.
Referring and that is relating to people as the roles they have or we give them makes everyone less than they are, simply because we define each other by what we do and not as who we are.
We are human beings before we are ANYTHING else, and to view each other in this way would make for a very different living.
Gosh we play this game a lot… it is like bypassing the person standing before us and focussing on the accessories they have picked up along the way.
“Interestingly, I have found it quite a challenge at times as I suddenly realise I’ve let the words ‘the boss’ slip out in conversation.” a great example here of how being aware of this and having the will to change means that you become a whole new boss, one that few have experienced as its one where each person is held truly equal to all others.
‘Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing, however it feels like it holds an enormous learning for me to use the principal’s first name in conversation, as I do for everyone else I am referring to, from now on.’ there is so much in our names and how we use them that is missed when we adopt terms such as this in their place – great to question why and get back to using our real names.
I don’t remember having used that word to name my principal at school, but I can relate to that perception of feeling myself less than someone who supervises my work or sometimes takes decisions that affect me. Being aware of this attitude I had in the past, has been very freeing to me, as in fact there is nobody above me, no matter the position they have in the school’s organisation. We all are responsible of our own tasks. We all are our own boss, leader, colleague and receiver of what we do. Along the time and gradually, I have been changing the approach in which I relate with work and people, from fear or reducing myself to responsibilty. This has changed from top to bottom the quality of what I bring to school, which now is a continuously expanding joy that relies in a continuous deepening on what responsibility and equalness are. It has been really transforming changing the “obey-mode” to simply bringing the best while working in collaboration.
It is the energy and intention behind the word that matters. I have had people call me ‘boss’ with absolute love, affection, joy and unequivocal equality and brotherhood…. I have had people call me ‘boss’ with a vicious and insidious jealousy…I have had people call me ‘boss’ with a total lack of self-worth…I have had people call me ‘boss’ as the thinnest veneers that hides a total disrespect and complete lack of allegiance to the purpose in hand. The list goes on; it is not the word itself, but the energy behind it.
Great call out Otto this is very true.
Great example, that it is never about the word but for what they get used for energetically. The moment we just hear words, we are blind for truth.
Love this Otto – it’s time to pay attention to the fact that there is energy to be read before there are words to hear.
Love this because it illustrates the crux of it all. Clearly we have to have ‘bosses’ and clearly we have to have people working for ‘bosses’. But, as you say, there is a very huge difference between working for a ‘boss’ and giving your power away to a ‘boss’. This is the exact detail that we need to be looking at.
I was thinking about uniforms as well – how different colours, styles, numbers of stripes/stars, or whatever can all be used to differentiate people and to label them. Clearly there are multiple practical reasons behind these and many of them may make sense…and there is also a practical necessity in having structures within organisations where some people are more senior than others…so actually it is not about the uniforms or the titles…it is about the energy and intention behind these things and how we use them, abuse them, hide behind them, or inflict them.
To elevate another above ourselves makes us less and can be a way of abdicating responsibility. To stand equal among others is to value ourselves and our responsibility in all situations.
What a great observation that you only used the word ‘boss’ when your principal was male. Such observations of discrepancies in life are great clues to that something in our relationship with life needs attention.
It can seem like a little thing, but the outplay within ourselves and within the relationship with the person put into the boss category is quite huge to feel. Yes, we are responsible for our own outcomes and decisions, whilst some have more supervisory roles than others, but at the same time everybody is equal, not matter what role.
‘everybody is equal, not matter what role”. Yes Esther this is true and how it should be.
So good to read these words Elizabeth. I know I do this all the time. The pattern is so ingrained. We can all contribute to clearing this behaviour in the world by looking at our own.
This is such a great blog to contemplate what’s going on in relationships – whom do defer revenerence to and equally who do I talk for but without true consultation?
There are many words we use without truly thinking of their meaning or the impact they have on others and it is great when that ill-usage gets exposed.
I reckon this would be a fun and impactful project for students; tracking back our modification of words to their true meaning – there are so many – love, responsibility, respect, sick…
Great question you ask about who is the boss – another way to say this might be to ask what aspect of us is the boss in any given moment, that is, it is the soul or the spirit because the 2 are very different and have very different outcomes.
My understanding of the Principal’s role is not to be ‘the boss’, as they too are employed within a very big system. I have observed that they take on a lot of the coordinating within the school and bringing all the teachers together.
In life, some of us play big and some of us play small, but very few of us play our true role of holding ourselves equal to all.
A magic quote, and a rhyming one at that too! Very true, and the big/small serves the same purpose even though they play out differently on a temporal level.
Very beautiful Liane. I have done both playing big and small and am only sure and full when I am me, ‘equal to all’.
Who is the boss when it comes to our bodies? Is it the spirit that dictates what goes on with our bodies or is it our soul. For most of my life my spirit has been the boss it has completely controlled everything from my movements to my thoughts and I have been nothing short of a puppet moved by an unseen energy I did not know about and so had no control over. And it seems to me that this can be said for most of us as we go about our daily lives with no comprehension that we are being bossed around by this unseen energy called our spirit.
It really does make me stop and think what we have accepted and done to make what is regarded as normal. What is normalised in today’s world we have made it so but it doesn’t make it true!
A true leader does not create divides or elevates themself, but supports everyone to appreciate their own value and never see themselves as less.
Yes, this is so true. I have never considered myself to be capable of being a leader but this is because I have bought into a leader is about controlling people. I’m coming to understand a true leader always brings equality to the group, someone who also doesn’t push people from behind but leads by example from the front respecting people’s choice to resist or be inspired.
What if we use role names to remove and separate ourselves from another human being who is in essence is equally the same as us, no better or less, the same.
The moment the word boss is used we have a sense of us and them, there is a divide, a separation which doesn’t feel very unifying if a team.
Those nicknames, like ‘the Boss” are shorthand for all manner of more extensive comments, including beliefs and personal issues. The one word holds a lot that can be unpicked and learned from.
Great awareness to bring to the word ‘boss’ Anonymous. As it is used in day to day expression, there is a sense of an energy of being controlled, put down or having to be ruled in someway by a male (rather than a female) and feels totally disempowering.
It’s interesting that after reading your comment Stephanie I have realised that some of the female bosses I have had have been very hard and gone more down the bullying route, whereas most of the men have been lovely to work for. Maybe it’s because we have had a history of male bosses and the women have come up with their version of what it means to be the ‘boss’.
We are each our own boss… responsible for our every choice.
The word boss used in many scenarios in office places carry the connotation of someone whom we have to be under the control of but at the same time ridicule about. The true ridicule is that we have subjected ourselves to a control we feel is unchangeable but we know in our bodies how inequality is not true. The conflict when not dealt with honestly comes out as a form of emotion and reaction.
Super interesting observation of the ridicule which becomes the accomplice to giving our power away.
There are so many pathways of awareness that leads us in the direction of being more connected to ourselves and our inner world. Being aware of what we say, how we say it and the language used and who that language is used with is a great way to consider, feel, observe and be with ourselves in moments throughout the day.
I agree Rachael – if we do not make space to consider our use of words we are not fully aware of what we are communicating with them.
It is actually fun to explore words and know which ones are very far from the truth. When we start to be honest about how words are used and the pictures we associate with them, we can start to break them down and feel into their true meaning.
Our words are so influenced by beliefs, ideal and pictures that pop up in seconds of how we should be and what we ‘think’ we need to express.
Even the students when I went to school 50 years ago called the principle the “Boss” and it is now so amazing to feel the truth of my body and what it can now bring without the overriding principle that has kept us from our essence or inner-most.
There are so many ideals and beliefs associated with the word boss and we all have our own version of what it means to be the boss.
Our words and the way we express ourselves give away what we hold within and how we live. If we don’t excuse ourselves by saying ‘but that’s not what I meant’ but really look at what we said we can discover patterns, behaviours, ideals and beliefs.
Yes it is easy to give our power away to people in higher positions than we have. But we all have a responsibility for ourselves and no one can make choices for us in everyday life.
I agree Jane, we cannot blame others, our life is in our hands and we need to be making choices in how we communicate and behave with others.
How common is it in our society that we take on roles that either makes us dominant or submissive, most of us have learnt to see it as the most natural way to behave and interact. And even if in some cases it is very subtle, it crushes equality and fosters separation between us.
Doesn’t this show that it is never just about the mere words we speak but the energy and intention they are spoken in / with.
I have never really liked being the Boss or having people call me that as it never really felt right I prefer a far equal playing field with everyone’s input equal but I am my own boss and thats just the way I like it.
I wonder if sometimes words are used to create barriers within our relationships so that we can avoid true intimacy and connection with each other, and so that one can remain feeling in control.
The Words we use say a lot about us and how we regard others and ourselves; the word ‘boss’ can be used in an amused and possibly slightly deprecating sort of way as well, I have noticed.
“I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context.” A very healthy discipline that is of huge benefit to us all, as the more we learn how to truly express what we feel the more precise our communication becomes, which in turn deepens all our relationships.
If you choose to be ‘the boss’ or to behave in such a way then it often allows you to do your work without really interacting with your team, i.e. be in charge of people but not making it about people. That is convenient but is it the best approach?
I love that you unravel this. Yes, one word can be so seemingly short in its letters but it can hold a whole story. And to become aware of that is enormous and opens the door that there is more to words than just mere letters and a meaning or two.
I am also aware to what you are saying Anonymous. I have a common behaviour in the way I dishonour myself too. Its seems harmless but when you apply the principle of all is energy its either honouring to my wellbeing or not. Taking any choice towards honouring your health and wellbeing, and this includes the way we speak and think about others, is a powerful step(s) towards owning the power we all hold equally within. No one is more the boss to how you feel than you.
How often do we see people change and the relationships change when someone gets promoted to being the boss. All of a sudden there is this cutting off or shutting down and measuring the relationship according to the job title.
An interesting other angle on this. What I have felt very often when being called the ‘boss’ is how horrible it feels for me as well. It’s a huge wall of protection (99% of the time it will the men that call me boss, not the women), a massive brick wall that people throw up in front of themselves that says ‘I don’t want to connect with you as an equal brother’. And I don’t mind admitting that stings (partly because I have, in the past, fed that system so am responsible for it). How can a team work together and support each other if those kinds of barriers are in place? Absolutely in my line of work there needs to be someone who has the final say…but that in no way means that we can’t all collaborate, communicate and move as equals.
I have experienced this too Otto and the bit which hurts most for me is the realisation of the investment I have previously had in being the boss – it is only once I had been referred to as this to my face that I felt just how much I missed connecting with the other person as me and not a term for a role which if we look back over time has been used in some awful situations.
My work often puts me in the position of “boss”. It is now one of the first things that I try to knock out as each new job starts – insisting that everyone calls me by first name.
That’s a great strategy and inspires true leadership which is taken in turns, depending on the area of expertise.
Great observation. How often do we resist looking at something deeper by just flippantly accepting it as “just what I do” or “just the way it is”? Great to be dissecting to this detail….and, as you say, shocking to see what lies beneath it.
Yes, and equally shocking to realise how many areas of life this applies to.
Each of this names, monikers or titles are potential barricades that reduce the transparency. Even though we may not be aware of what we are doing when we use them, or allow them to be used to us, it is great to be taking a deeper look at it and see what lies beneath. My guess is that lifting these stones, will reveal some entrenched forms of protection.
Words are attributed a certain meaning which over time can grow to include both negative and positive connotations. The essence of what is expressed here is the energetic responsibility we all carry around language and the behaviours we allow that we associate with the words. It is also highlighting the separation that particular titles and roles can bring. If certain words impact on our sense of who we are or others in a negative way e.g. feel less, attack our self worth, dictate a way of being etc then they need to be challenged and deeper inquiry invited. It is all about us and what we allow.
And what we have universally allowed Christine, is for the truth of who we all are, to be distorted to such an extent that we no longer recognise that we are the living body of God. In fact we fervently deny it.
Boss, leader, manager, we apply names to roles and assume something about the person who has that label. I like organisations where the person who leads is the one who is ‘expert’ on whatever is required, and in that way we can all be ‘leaders’. We all have different skills and talents and they should not be graded but values equally. The role of a cleaner, for example, sets the energy of a place for the whole day.
So true Jane, and as a student of the Livingness it takes us all to a place of equality as a forever-students!
Underlying everything that a relationship with Universal Medicine presents is that we are all students of our own Livingness and that from that space we can evolve.
Everybody is indeed in a relationship with their own livingness. My mistake over many, many years has been to try and mechanically move where people are at in relation to their own Livingness. All this has ever done is to bring tension into the relationship. I am learning, rather belatedly to allow the relationship that people have with our own livingness to be the only thing that truly moves them. And by leaving people alone, I am able to offer a more valuable reflection.
Often when we call someone ’boss’ we have already given our power away to a some-one outside ourselves.
As a female boss I can say I never see myself as a boss, but as an equal who has the responsibility of leadership, direction and accountability for the quality of services. A totally different way of looking at the role.
And much more fun when we manage it.
You’ve raised a great point here which is how we can treat men and women differently, and although it’s uncomfortable to admit many of us treat people of different races, backgrounds and identities differently too, in big ways or small ways. We are all human beings with the same essence but a unique perspective on life, and treating people differently, or having a hierarchical society, diminishes the incredible work that’s possible when we support each other, work together and have no judgements.
It’s interesting the words we use and how much we reduce ourselves just through our words. An example is saying sorry all of the time, constantly taking the blame for everything just so we can fly under the radar and live in some sort of protection. Except it doesn’t really work: all we end up doing is squashing ourselves and not taking responsibility for what is going on around us, because we’re aligning to it.
It is bad enough when we don roles as an identity and gauge our worth accordingly. But we seem to go further and at times literally label people according to their role, such as the boss, the supervisor, the cop, the ticket collector. Perhaps at times we don’t know the person and in fleeting passing we just see the service they offer, but when we see them every day and actually know their name it is very odd that we can still relate to them in that way. I will reflect on this next time I use such labels.
Life is not about being ‘the boss’ but about evolution and therefore true leadership comes from those who have taken more steps to evolve and can reflect this too and inspire others to do the same.
I agree Fiona, it is not the word so much that matters but the way we use it and what it means to us.
Interestingly I have not ever felt those in more senior roles as above me for the most part I have felt equal to them but there are certain areas I do hold back with them and it isn’t true to be like this with anyone. It’s good to see it and observe how this plays out and you start to choose equality of expression over security.
It is interesting to note how we can give our power away even with the misuse of a word. I agree we can take the human being out of a person when we only refer to them by their title or role.
It’s true, we are the boss of our choices, nobody else, we have soul responsibility.
Very true FIona, whilst we can seemingly blame others we are where we are as a direct result of our choices. Sure we may have ben influenced to make certain choices but ultimately it comes back to our choices and whether we have chosen to live the love we are or not.
We are the boss of our choice to hold everybody else but ourselves as the boss.
We communicate consciousness, ie. ideas, beliefs and certain qualities of energy much more than mere information when we speak or think words. When we are aware of the effect it has on us and others we get to realize that there is much more going on than just an intellectual or informative exchange between people, actually we are attuning and responding to vibration with the whole of our body and being, meaning we become the energy we communicate, ie. the emotions and thoughts, pictures and attitudes. No wonder that words can be more dangerous and insidious weapons than mere physical violence.
Great attention for detail, not just of words but the consciousness that comes with it and hence has much more effect on us that we may intellectually consider. Words are expression and communication but not just neutral information, instead endued with several layers of meaning and or energy that communicate more and more of the truth that actually is taking place.
Interesting how ‘the boss’ can be perceived as male only… its made me realise that most of my bosses have been female!
This is a great prompt for me to review my use of words and general expression, to ensure that I am not reducing myself or dishonouring another even in the most subtle way.
It is these subtle ways that we are not willing to pick up. Seemingly the most innocuous inference has us in separation to true expression.
Deep down it must feel awful for anyone to be referred to by a ‘shorthand name’ or a ‘title’. Relating to someone by name is a way of bringing equality to a relationship that is in truth appreciated by all parties.
‘I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context.’ this is a great point to come to – that all of our words matter and we have become so accustomed to saying certain things that bringing awareness to these reveals much more and offers the opportunity to change what or how we say things.
I have also heard the word ‘boss’ used by men, when addressing other men that they don’t know and it always feels like the man is subjugating himself when using it in this way.
I have also heard men use the term “boss” or “who wears the pants in the home” when stating the role of their wives in their relationship. It feels very derogatory and doesn’t honour both people in the relationship. Giving your power away to anyone is not part of true brotherhood.
It feels really horrible when I relate to a person’s social standing or a title or a role that I put them in – and not who they are. It’s like putting them and me in a straight-jacket. Not only do we miss out on the joy that could be felt, but we miss out on bringing through the amazingness that our partnership can bring to everyone including ourselves.
I agree Karin, there are so many conditions and expectations tied into our idea of roles. We expect people to behave in certain ways, as well as assuming certain ways of being ourselves. Role expectation also brings in segregation and a uniform way of being that does not allow for the beautiful ebb and flow that can exist naturally between any of us, regardless of our role or stature.
An important observation Karin. The missed opportunity when reducing our relationship with people to titles and roles is huge. It would be valuable for us to keep examining our use of blanket labels and terms in life, and also support one another with this when they come up in our conversations. Otherwise we end up living in an imagined world of cliches.
Can we call somebody “the boss” without referring to their name and still see them as an equal human being?
Very interesting blog and worth considering how easily we can fall into the trap of just going along with the groups norms without questioning what they might truly mean. It means we help maintain the status quo when we do this but at what cost in the long run?
Wonderful how that one seeming small realisation has a highlighting effect in spotting other occasions where words have been used casually and without really considering the impact of the word and its affect on oneself and others.
Another aspect of using the word ‘boss’
Is that many times we shrug off responsibility and don’t step up to do what is needed at work to support others because we use the excuse that it is the boss’s job to do it, when we could have done it ourselves.
We all have a part to play in life and every part is important. When we do something that needs doing and accept the responsibility for the action and do it without recognition, life flows.
There is a big difference between intimidation or identification with being in ‘powerful’ position, and true authority. Regardless of who we are, what we do, our relationship status, credentials or financial situation, we have equal access to authority and can be a reflection for what we know is true.
I tend to feel uncomfortable when my colleagues refer to me as ‘the boss’ even though it is said by people who I get on well with and with a bit tongue in cheek. It feels like it creates a division, which to me. is not there. I feel like we are all equally in this together.
That’s a good example Fiona, when we use words habitually without giving deeper consideration to the affect it has, or even that it has an affect in the first place.
The boss is someone who has responsibility and takes initiative in the group. Should this not be everyone rather than just the one at ‘the top’?
I have a tendency to call everyone ‘lovely’ like ‘hi lovely’ or ‘thanks lovely’ and am becoming aware of this more and more and what I can feel is that in calling people ‘lovely’ it is not honouring them by saying their name. Great to observe and maybe a habit I need to start breaking!
Energy is boss not you
We like to think we’re the top boss but if we reviewed our performance in life any impartial set of eyes would conclude our decisions are somewhat barmy. It just reveals we are not ‘in charge’ the way we like to think but it’s energy that governs us. It’s just a matter of which kind you let through – divine or dictator.
Being a female boss this doesn’t seem to bother me as I embrace my employees as equals. But I know what you mean by how people change and treat people differently if it is a male/female boss. Even the level of work that people are prepared to do with the two is fascinating. For me now if I have a female or male boss they are the same, they usually just connect with you in a different way.
Perhaps every word is dependant on how we use it – I really like the term “the boss” when playfully used to describe our own authority, it seems to me it’s a word about power – either giving your power away or claiming it with everything you’ve got.
A beautiful understanding and knowing Zofia coming from a quality of love is very clear specific and directional and we are all honoured in being who we are.
Yes, it is interesting to observe how and where we position ourselves in relation to others, to stay less and not step into our power.
Yes, and how we can relish this categorising of people by their function as if it brings us closer together as fellow workers when we refer to the person in charge as the boss.
The oldest form of government is the Icelandic Althing. The foundation is that no one is more important than the whole and no one is the leader, that was made up of elders. There was no boss for it would place someone with more importance than another!
Do we use the phrase ‘The Boss’ as a way to avoid our responsibility’s? It’s a bit like the bible or anything written we give authority to, giving away our power to words?
There are so many subtle undertones we allow in society that are not at all supportive to our personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect. Unfortunately we have allowed this dis-respect to be the norm. Only by being aware and exposing it can we take this sneaky harm away.
Its incredible how subtlely and insidiously we can give our power away without even realising it.
Wow this just goes to show how ingrained our upbringing has on us and that everything that we choose can either be something from this dogmatic heavy belief or from a place that is genuinely felt in our bodies and we honour that. We are all equally responsible for the current way we are choosing to live. A great example of calling out what doesn’t feel true and without trying to prove anything it comes back to the way we are with ourselves first and this connection.
I remember realising that in truth i do not work for anyone single person as ‘my boss’ but rather a far greater plan which serves all equally. There need be no bosses only those in leadership and equally required are many other roles which we all fill when the impulse to do so is there.
The word ‘Boss’ comes with a connotation that this person is better or more important than the rest of us. To call the same person by their name would change the whole feel of a work place and invite equality within it. It’s strange how we create separation simply by using a certain word.
We can so easily and quickly misuse words, putting them in the wrong context or simply by misunderstanding their true meaning which can lead to untold complications and unessecary disputes. We would do well to learn the true meanings of the words we use before we use them.
If you ignored your ‘boss’ at work, you wouldn’t last long in your job. So why do we think we can disregard our heart and have things tick along?
Anonymous, this is great; ‘I am the boss of me; no one else, no matter what relationship – work, social or familial – we share. I am at the helm of every choice I ever make in my life’. This feels very self empowering and feels like our true way of being with ourselves and each other.
I agree Rebecca, we can get very disempowered by the set up of relationships that expect us to play lesser or greater rather than who we are.
Thank you for sharing your awareness on the use of words and how easily we can use them without feeling the real impact they have on us and on others. Words are so powerful in both bringing harmony and causing disharmony, even when they are seemingly everyday words.
Who can be the boss when we are all leaders?
Wow, ‘the big cheese’ is not a term I have ever used but it sure goes in the derogatory word pile.
Great you have shared how the tone of voice used is something to keep are of as well when it comes to the reading of relationships between people, as the nuances in tone can often be extremely subtle.
The widespread acceptance of gender inequality throughout the ages has held everyone back in their expression especially in work situations. I feel this possibly is behind the differences in management style you have outlined, Shirley-Ann. Until we are all able to approach everything with true equality, love and respect, free of past hurts and beliefs, our way of relating to people in any shape or form will be affected to some degree.
Referring to someone as ‘the boss’ reduces them to a functional level and does not address all they actually are.
It sure was a great lesson to realise I was on autopilot in my usage of the word ‘boss’, Jane. It serves no one if we stay unaware of what is actually going on around words currently in common usage and I’m sure there are many more lurking around waiting to be outed.
Great point, Richard. Managers, supervisors and bosses are in truth there to serve those they manage. If they don’t provide this service, the ‘house of cards starts tumbling down’ so fine-tuned is the quality of equality required of any true working relationship. Everyone concerned holds the responsibility of maintaining true balance of their personal quality and bringing this to everything that unfolds in the work environment.
What came through so strongly for me was that I am always the one making the choices of what is going to accompany me during a day… if that is deference to a boss, or being held and supported by a supervisor. Entirely my choice and its good to get clear about who is driving the ship.
Sometimes the ‘boss’ position can be coveted and seen as a great thing especially when we want recognition and power over people. There is also the added pressure on the ‘boss’ to have all the answers and to take on the burdens of that position, which long term can lead to ill health. We would be better served if we allowed everyone to have an equal contribution to how things are run and to take the lead from time to time.
Yes, Elizabeth. The gift in this for me was waking up to how I, along with most other people, glibly use words with little or no concern for their true energetic meaning. It’s something I will be on the look out for from now on, that’s for sure.
Could this be being said in acknowledgement that ‘behind every great man stands a great woman’ or is it possible that many feel a decision to do with the home is beneath them seeing they are CEOs or in powerful positions at work so referring to their partner as ‘the boss’ is said tongue in cheek as behind the cover this kind of banter provides, they have in fact abdicated the responsibility of being in true partnership with their spouse around decisions for maintaining the presentation of their home?
Superb example of how easily we dismiss the real dynamics at play behind the words we use. When we actually stop to examine our dialogue, so much can be revealed to us about our beliefs, ideals and patterns of behaviour that we can with this clarity, choose to lovingly address.
“Becoming aware of my use of the word ‘boss’ seems such a small thing” It is so often the case that when we look at the little details of something we gain an understanding of the whole.
This comment has supported me to deepen and expand my appreciation for the ‘grand awareness’ I came to around how I was using the word ‘boss’. Thanks, Richard.
The term boss can also be used to hand over power and responsibility to another. It can be a cop out.
When “the boss” is the quality of love, the orders are clear and direction known for those who want to follow that very specific quality of the person; their love.
In this is true leadership which inspires the same lived quality.
When we refer to someone as ‘bossy’ it is not really a quality we aspire to, so when did we decide to use that label to describe someone who is in a position where they are leading or responsible? Not discounting that there is abuse that happens in workplaces and advantages taken leaders are not always ‘bossy.’
True and it also stops people from wanting to be in their power for fear of being seen as bossy etc very subtle but yet huge implications.
Yes we tend to give importance to someone who is the boss, and in some cases insist on speaking with the boss if things are not going as we want. But who or what is the boss, what value have we given to ‘the boss’ and why do we need a boss in the first place? To me it is all about responsibility and when we work together we all bring in our skills and do different tasks that are needed. But we all have the same responsibility, no one is more or less then the other as in fact we are all the same. So referring to someone as the boss, that to me is said in a way in which we give our power away but too to put the responsibility on. In doing so we can be less responsible and do not have to give our all and leave it all with the boss.
I was using the word ‘boss’ like a nickname rather than being aware of all the nuances you have shared, Nico.
We are so used to call someone the boss, the one we have given the ultimate responsibility for a business or organisation. But it is a good thing to question that, because that ‘boss’ is nowhere without all the other staff. The you see that he or she is just equal to all of us, so why are we still doing it?
Yes Ariana, we are masters in the manipulation and bastardisation of words only to justify the choices we have made.
In my experience this same dynamic can play out in other relationships in life, with husbands and wives, children, parents, friends, acquaintances, medical practitioners, the list is endless here. Not claiming our own sense of knowing and allowing another to rule, dictate or manipulate is geared to create much disillusionment in life.
Yes, we often refer to children as being the boss which feels very derogatory and disrespectful of their equality.
How much does attributing/delegating a boss give others permission to shirk responsibility?
I so agree, Richard. ‘Words are powerful and we all have a responsibility to use them with absolute love and respect.’
There are some really valuable points being raised here concerning how even the use of a simple word in a way that seems harmless can actually be quite harming to oneself and others on an energetic level, affecting our self-worth and authority. I have also noticed just how much we put supervisors and anyone in a management position on a pedestal, as if they are better or more worthy than us in some way, which is ridiculous when one considers that no person is actually ‘better’ than another. No wonder many managers play up this role and act like they can abuse the people they are managing, we are feeding it when we give our power away.
That is so true. Most people make it about protecting themselves rather than about developing everyone equally.
Being boss brings back the opposite to the love that brotherhood brings and our body will always share when we go into that type of bossy ill energy.
Great point, Greg, and this can be experienced from a very young age. Bossy children know very well how to exert and establish their ‘superiority’ over their fellow companions and priority in deciding what is to be done or which game is to be played. This way of relating is the complete opposite of brotherhood and cooperation that true relationships need as a firm, steady and loving foundation if they are to blossom.
‘I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations, no matter the context.’ I see this as a wonderful way to becoming aware of what attitudes I am perpetuating without realising.
I’m choosing to do the same, Karin. My realisation about all the nuances that came with my use of the word ‘boss’ was quite an eyeopener and then some for me. Words hold quite a power when you are open to realising what is behind them.
And we can be re-introduced to the truth in words and bring deeper awareness and realisation.
And there is great joy to be had in doing so. Deeper awareness and realisation are awesome to experience.
Words are incredibly powerful in their effect, using them to support personal wellbeing, self-worth or self-respect in ourselves and others is very healing.
Yes, Rosanna. Words are incredibly powerful and they either hold a healing intent or, conversely, can be downright harming to both the speaker and the receiver(s) of the words because of the quality of the energy behind them. I have found knowing and understanding this energetic outplay is going on behind people’s actions and words to be very supportive in my everyday way of living.
Anonymous, reading this article has really made me question my relationship with people that I work with – I can feel that it is commonplace for us to give our power away and not see ourselves as equal. I feel like this doesn’t support anyone and that we are all equal and that no-ones role is more important than another.
Being a leader is not about bossing people around, but encouraging people to be their own boss and claim their authority.
Love your definition of a leader, Elizabeth – A person who encourages another ‘to be their own boss and claim their authority.’ True leadership would change the world!
I love this, it is so well said .. that being a leader is about encouraging and empowering people to claim and be in their own true authority. That is exactly why Universal Medicine is the leading light in the world as this is what they live, teach and present. How many other people or organisations within the world do we have that truly (and I mean truly) do this?
It completely changes an interaction when you refer to someone by their first name rather than an umbrella term like ‘boss’. It is a great wake up call to become aware of these subtle or often not so subtle ways that we can give our power away or avoid taking responsibility within a conversation.
Yes, I can now see using the word ‘boss’ automatically distances people rather than the more personal connection of using of their first name. There is such subtlety in the way the words used at school. It was a longtime, well-established way of referring to male principals that the giving away of one’s power wasn’t even something I had considered until I woke up to what was really going on underneath it all on an energetic level.
In my education system teachers are to be addressed by their title and surname. The same is expected for the teachers’ aides and teachers of very young children. This is the set up established in times gone by and it has been perpetuated with punishment meted out to any pupil who dared to break this rule.
Seems to me the whole set up of school is designed to cause a separation between pupil and teacher, teacher and principal and other supervisory staff. The quality of equality was never factored in from the get go.
When lines of delineation disappear and we relate to those we report to, lead or work with as equals, this is true brotherhood.
And this would apply in every relationship both in employment or elsewhere. Relating in equality is the true way to go.
Brotherhood, equality – how did we lose our way to supremacy, arrogance and denigration of others?
“I was quite taken aback when I realised I only used ‘the boss’ when my principal was male” – in the realisation (of the unconscious bias held here) always is there the healing.
Yes, Zofia. It was awesome to wake up the unconscious bias entailed in this situation and embrace the healing it offered.
It’s interesting how one word can be so loaded, and just by changing that word you get a whole different meaning to a term or sentence. It makes me wonder if we should be much more precise and exact with the words we use.
That’s the exact realisation I came to, Meg. Being precise and exact with the words we use is the way to go for me from now on and I am looking forward to what my next realisation is going to be as I have years and years of automatic, unthinking usage of words to unpick.
It has been a learning for me too to call a person that is seen and regarded in a position of power by their first name. I have observed others in their approach but it is not about another but how it feels in my body when I call another by their first name. What is gorgeous is that every time I do, I am met with a warmth and acceptance of their first name being called out building and developing a deeper connection and intimacy with myself and another. Thank you Anon for sharing, supporting me in the confirmation of what I already know.
Yes, Caroline, the way we address someone really does make a difference as to the quality and depth of relationship one is able to enjoy with them. Your sharing has reminded me of the difficulties I had changing to using the first name of a fellow staff member because she had been a teacher at the primary school I went to as a child. Once I was over the name hurdle, we developed a very warm and much valued friendship based on equality.
It is a good thing to get to the bottom and feel what is really going on with the use of certain words and the word boss does hold the image of a strong male type figure and unless we address it like you have done here Anon it won’t change. So just being made aware is a good start to breaking down these images we hold about certain things.
As you say, Kev, and I’m now also realising I was brought up to think, ‘boss does hold the image of a strong male type figure’ so it’s no wonder I was on automatic pilot when I used the word in this way with male principals at school. No more though!
I agree kev mchardy, we can pick up words through life and use them quite unconsciously, though when feeling the words and what they represent we may be more careful with how we use words and in fact choose not to use some words at all.
I definitely can relate to giving my power away to a ‘boss’ and boy it felt awful in my body. Yet as I gave my power away the ‘boss’ embraced it, making a point that he was in power and I was to listen and take heed. Whenever I find myself giving my power away often through holding back from expressing, I dishonour myself bringing about comparison and this makes myself feel less. However what I am finding interesting is that when I do carry out this behaviour there is always a force coming my way that doesn’t want me to speak up and that is my responsibility to to be aware of it and not allow it to get in the way of me being true to myself.
Great awareness, Caroline, to feel that ‘there is always a force coming my way that doesn’t want me to speak up and that is my responsibility to to be aware of it and not allow it to get in the way of me being true to myself.’
Awareness of this force coming at us is needed in so many situations and circumstances we experience in life.
“I am now also choosing to stay more consciously aware of the words I use in all of my conversations.” That feels so beautiful Anonymous – for me it is so worth it to be more aware about the words I use as words can be very powerful.
Yes, it is because words are powerful and either harming or healing that they so need to be tuned into so we become aware of what the energetic intention behind them is. I am increasingly discovering just how super-subtle these differences in language usage actually are and the need to be on the lookout for them.
When we stop giving our power away, we cease trying to dominate.
Yet in business they usually see domination as the name of the game.
It makes me wonder where did the word boss come from in the first place … what energy.
Yes, this photo really captures the oppression that’s often accepted. But behind this mask lies a person which is easy to forget if we are playing roles.
On the whole humanity seems to go to great and, in some cases, extreme lengths to hide the precious, delicate and sensitive person each of us, without exception, innately is. Could it be that people choose to play certain roles because they offer a failsafe and accepted mask that traditionally goes hand-in-hand with that particular occupation to hide behind?
Is is very revealing and a great opportunity to look at how we use words, the energy of what those words represent– what we are truly communicating or subscribing to. I have never related to the word ‘boss’ even when I was in the position of running a business with staff.
I also dislike hearing a man refer to his wife as ‘the boss’. It really feels awful and so devaluing of both parties in the relationship – same in business. There’s no opportunity of equality when someone is deferring to another.
I love it when I am feeling so lovely in myself and at ease that I’m at ease with my managers and tutors and relate to them as equals – so very different to when I am giving my power away and wanting to be told I’m ok.
I once had a partner who said ‘yes boss’ to my suggestions. It felt horrible; there was no coming together in equality or partnership.
Saying ,’Yes Boss’ even as a joke doesn’t feel right no matter whether it’s in a business or personal relationship.
This is a great point. No one can truly have authority over us unless we allow it no matter the circumstance. We may have different roles in life but that does not make one inferior or superior. Only if we give the power to another is that possible.
So true, Victoria. ‘No one can truly have authority over us unless we allow it no matter the circumstance.’ That is something that needs to be discussed with our young beginning from a very early age so they have the opportunity to understand that the quality of brotherhood is the foundation of all true relationships then live it.
It is so important to be aware of how we use our words, words can be loaded with a consciousness like what you are referring to with ‘the boss’ . Words can be much more harming than we want to admit.
Interesting that we associate ‘boss’ with tough men. I know even looking at the word that’s the picture I get – so there is much to be said about the pictures we invest in to make us pigeon hole into certain words.
Could it be that the word ‘boss’ came into common usage in times gone past because their role was actually seen to be one of bossing people around? That interpretation becomes really old hat when people embrace and start living and working as equals in true brotherhood with each other.
This is great, to be so aware of the importance of correct words for correct meanings, and therefore not continuing the bastardisation of our beautiful language.
With the word ‘boss’ I think of power and one person being ‘more’ than another. This cannot be the truth for we are all the same and equally responsible for the work we do.
I agree, Jane, and true leaders grow the people around them and let them experience brotherhood and working together, for no one can do it on their own.
That’s interesting that you did not automatically call your female principle ‘The Boss’ and called them by their first names. I wonder what it is about men that you did not feel you could do the same…
Good point, Rebecca. I started teaching when no principals were female. Schools have been patriarchal for eons and I feel this has left quite an indelible mark on the system and I unthinkingly went with the flow of calling the principal the ‘boss’ in conversations with my fellow teachers. Most of my male principals have been very caring gentlemen whom I respected and enjoyed a degree of camaraderie with so I was blind to any flavouring of deference in the way I referred to them.
I have used first names while in conversation with all but three of my male principals and the first female deputy principal I ever had, however that harks back to my early days of teaching and more formal times when first names were not the accepted way to refer to the school principal by any one.
As female principals started being appointed at school, I found these relationships set a marker for most principals from then onwards to be more collegial and, because these female principals were more open to establishing an equal partnership, I didn’t feel to refer to them as ‘the boss’.
It has only been as the education system has become way more controlling of the content and manner teachers present it to their students and the ever-increasing load of assessment that has been imposed on the system, that I started to feel and see what was really going on around the word ‘boss’ as I was feeling very much ‘bossed around’ rather than being treated as an equal in this professional partnership. The principal at the time being male supported me to finally connect the dots and see what was really going on.
I think the photo that goes with this blog is perfect because it really captures that feeling we can sometimes have around ‘the boss’ – how much abuse is tolerated in the work place simply because it comes from on high, from the managers and bosses and we don’t feel able to speak up against it, because of the way we have made our work places to be so hierarchical in the oppressive and unequal sense.
I agree, Rebecca. Humanity has a long way to go before the hierarchal and oppressive ways of managing work situations are eliminated from our everyday way of living. It’s down to each of us to find our voice and speak up whenever we notice any form of abuse wherever we see it raising its ugly head both at work and elsewhere.
I agree – sometimes the term boss is playful, but other times there is a submissive element built into the very set up of most companies where the hierarchy of job roles sets you up to feel less and then act less.
Interesting how the word “boss” denotes an element of control and power. It would be much better to say leader as it feels way more inclusive and encompassing.
Great point Joshua a completely different feeling for either regardless of the fact so much of that role is the same, or can be. And that is the point so many people act not like a boss in the boss role.
…yes, and to be a true leader one would see others as their equals. Inspiring others to lead in whatever area they are responsible for.
Yes great point as a boss or a not ‘true leader’ impose or directs from a personal agenda.
It is astonishing how a four letter word can have so much the connotation of separation and power. It’s no different to the white collar and blue collar folk. Often there is a power play between them which is played out between the mind and the might. I have heard all too often “management has decided to do this or that” and the decision feels completely absent of the consideration of all in the organisation. Management is often blamed but this is simply a more wider case of a lack of unity, understanding and communication. It is important for us all to recognise that we are all the boss in our own way.
I have found it interesting to feel what my body does whenever I hear the words ‘Management has decided to do this or that.’ My heart often plummets, as past experience has taught me the decision usually feels completely absent of consideration for everyone in the organisation and is an outward expression of ‘a wider lack of unity, understanding and communication’ that everyone over the ages has allowed to run and be the norm. Fortunately for humanity old ways are being seen for what they are and are gradually beginning to be changed to truly support everyone in true common good.
The words we use are super powerful. We can support another, or our words can have the opposite effects. How we use them can be quite subtle. I takes a person of amazing quality to really examine and unpack how we are with words, how we use them and what that may mean for us.
I love your expose of the word ‘boss’ as I always balked at it whenever anyone used it and I have refused to fall into ever using it myself. It is so easy to use words as a joke and then end up being owned by them so it is great to be aware of how we are using or misusing words.
Astonishing the extent of giving away our power seems to go with the use of the word ‘boss’ in a relationship. It seems to carry the tone of one person at the top dictating the way to others. I notice I have on many occasions also used other words such as ‘manager’, ‘supervisor’, ‘director’ similarly to be able to give my power away and act as a helpless subordinate, instead of rising to the responsibility of engaging with them and actively supporting them as the equal human beings that they are. Thank you for raising the awareness in this area.
It feels as though we endow words with an energy that often changes and supersedes it’s original intended meaning in a way that can be manipulative. Comfort is one such word for me – for a long time I sought comfort feeling that it was supporting me whereas now I can feel that for me comfort is now a way of avoiding the truth. Words are very powerful tools and can either support or become a way of withholding the truth.
So true, Fiona, it is not the word itself that is inappropriate but how it is used as you say, which confirms the significance and responsibility that we each and everyone have in our communication, physically as well as verbally.
Being discerning of the words we use and their implication, often taken for granted as exposed here, is very empowering and liberating.
A leader that does not treat all of their supporters in equality is not a true leader. It is in fact an abuse of power. A true leader knows, that every department is as important as their leadership. A leader is nothing without great supporters.
Yes, Stephanie, a true leader treats the members of their team in equality and appreciates each and every one of them for what they bring to the mix.
Powerful to feel the impact of just one four letter word and the journey that it has led you on to root out where you may still be giving your power away to others and thus sabotaging living in equality. Thank you for sharing as these seemingly inconsequential words can infiltrate so many parts of our lives in a detrimental way.
Becoming aware of the language we use and how we use it can bring much clarity to patterns and behaviours we hold. As it becomes so common it doesn’t stand out anymore but if we stop and truly feel into what it feels like to use certain words or phrase we may want to change it.
It is in a way easy to have a ‘boss’ as it means that at times we can pass on responsibility to the ‘next level’. If we feel we are not the ‘final’ stage of decision or production then for many this is a way to not bring their all to what they are doing.
So long as we are at the helm of our own life we cannot go off track, with the wisdom of the body as our constant bearing.
Do we readily allocate the qualities of leadership and responsibility to others, to avoid stepping into our own authority?
It seems that we make people the boss by giving our power away to others. It is our excuse to hold ourselves as less and then abdicate from making any true choices for ourselves. It’s easier to hide in these situations than it is to stand up and get noticed by speaking up and claiming back our power. As an example, how many of us call out the bullying behaviour at work for what it is?
Yes, calling out bullying behaviour at work is definitely the way to go, Julie. It’s by not speaking up and claiming our power in full that allows the initial seed of bullying to be sown then come to the fore.
Very interesting to look at why we label someone male with the authority of the “boss” but not a woman. That alone reflects so much of today’s society. How much women are looked at as being less powerful, less important, given less authority etc…etc…How much do women add on to these beliefs and how much is everything designed to reduce women in the first place. A great topic to write a blog actually.
Reading your comment, Stefanie, I’ve realised my use of the word ‘boss’ started way back in my early years of teaching in the early 70’s, when all principals were male and the only admin position a female ever held was the Infant Mistress. (Gosh that wording sounds so old fashioned to me now.) We were never allowed to call anyone on the administration team by their first name, so things have certainly changed and mellowed somewhat in the name department over the years.
Definitely, the usage of the word “boss” can at times come across as us being subservient or inferior to the one we are calling “boss” in holding that person higher or in supremacy; though when within and inside us there is a levelled equalness being lived then usage of the word “boss” can also be a playful and meaningful word to describe what quality is leading the specific “boss calling””moment, be that (the boss of) love, care, respect, evolution.
There are other giving our power away words; the person in charge, they that are responsible for an area or section and the one at the top. As you have said, it doesn’t matter what we call them when we give our power away to another.
Great to have words of similar ilk outed, Steve. Person in charge, one at the top, person responsible for (…). The words say it for themselves when you really stop and ponder on them.
Language is loaded and we can, with discernment, choose words that reflect true relationship with others and brotherhood.
I agree Fiona it is a moment to stop and check in and say why are these words being used, what is it we don’t want to look at in ourselves, why are we giving our power away, exploring like this will allow us to go deeper within self and support self healing.
Interesting what you say, as I have noticed at work when my husband and I are called boss and it really feels horrible in the body.
Once I got told off for addressing a manager by his name – I was told to address him by his job title, which is actually a more common practice where they live, but how disempowering and demeaning is that for both parties that you are encouraged to acknowledge each other by their function in an organization rather than as a person.
Yes, there are still many old ways from the past that are still ruling what happens in some work situations, Fumiyo. The example you’ve outlined feels very demeaning and behind it all, designed to be disempowering as well for all concerned. There can’t be any equality when situations like this are still being imposed on employees.
Superb article that brings our attention to the power of words, however small, and the real impact of our casual relationship that we have with our language. Sitting up and taking notice of the those throw away words and sentences we use on such a regular basis is a powerful discipline, as we become aware of the nuances behind the meanings and how they play out in our lives. To me this just as important as going on a detox diet, de-cluttering your house or embarking on a fitness regime, as the meaning, quality and vibration of words have an effect as they pass through our bodies and therefore affect our well being, a fact that one day will be scientifically proven.
Your words, ‘Sitting up and taking notice of the those throw away words and sentences we use on such a regular basis is a powerful discipline, as we become aware of the nuances behind the meanings and how they play out in our lives.’ are a superb call to action, Rowena. Similar to how every thought and action count, the meaning, quality and vibration of every word counts as well in every moment of our day.
Yes, me too, I used to tell people I am just a gardener until someone pointed out to me how important each and every job we do is on an energetic level.
We are naturally meant to live in brotherhood but when words such as ‘boss’ are used they immediately create a separation, a division amongst us. When we use such words it is a wonderful opportunity to look at and address our relationships with them and our need to use them in our every day livingness.
I agree Michelle, the word boss does come loaded. For me the word mother was loaded when I had my first child with a whole consciousness of what that looked like. So too the person in the role of manager/supervisor would feel all the beliefs around that. I have seen people change, including myself, as soon as they go into a management position. Connecting to who we are and what we bring knocks out titles and instead focuses on our qualities.
Great lesson I am so glad you’ve shared anonymous. Reading this I realise I do exactly the same. And I feel how it sets up different levels and separation between people which feels quite awful. They then become a title and in that we also do as well as we are the teachers or the workers underneath the boss. This is just another belief that is powerful to see, understand and let go of.
When people say to me but you are the boss, at my work for instance, it always gives me a uncomfortable feeling like ‘ I have to do it on my own’, ‘have to know it on my own’, ‘I have to decide it on my own’ etc. Therefore it makes me ponder on what are we actually doing when we make someone the boss or, make ourselves the boss.
It’s no wonder they say being a boss is a lonely position when it creates such a division between people as a result of the inequality of worth the word ‘boss’ innately holds. Congeniality and cooperation support connection and remove any kind of separation between people, no matter what the setting – be it work or elsewhere.
Reading this blog makes me realise that we tend to give our power away to the boss, that, in this case, he is in charge, makes the decisions and sets the rules we then obey to. But putting the boss on that pedestal also makes us less responsible as we put some of the responsibilities to the boss, because we also gave him that power.
Yes, and others will notice when we then start referring to them as people.
This is a great point. When we refer to somebody as ‘boss’, are we still referring to them as a person? I have seen women referred to as ‘the boss’ as well but it could well be we use it mostly for men.
The truth is the mass of society when we are employed are sold out to the ideal and belief that we are employed to be abused and controlled. We have lost ourselves and will have to succumb to the wishes of the company—deadlines, demands, late nights. That is why the boss is used unconsciously. This is the ideal to expose.
You’ve share quite an insight here, Adele. ‘… the mass of society when we are employed are sold out to the ideal and belief that we are employed to be abused and controlled. We have lost ourselves and will have to succumb to the wishes of the company—deadlines, demands, late nights.’
It really is time for everyone to wake up, stop accepting this for themselves and change the status quo.
This is an awesome blog to remind us of the way we use words and the intention behind them can be healing or harming. The other night, I asked someone, ‘so, what is going on for you?’ when you read these word they can come across as caring but I was being pulled up and was told that the energy I asked this question in was ‘off’ and when I reflected back, I was able to see that it was full of judgement. It was a great pull up for me as I was asking the question in reaction to a previous incident. The reason I am sharing this is that I realise we often read the energy of words first and we naturally have the ability to read energy and sometimes we may use this ability to feel hurt and then react or we can use this ability to bring truth and love to a situation.
A great observation, Chan Ly. Going into reaction can colour one’s response and, as you have shared, ‘we naturally have the ability to read energy and sometimes we may use this ability to feel hurt and then react or we can use this ability to bring truth and love to a situation.’ The quality we choose to be in in each moment of the day really does lie in our hands.
Yes, it is all about responsibility in everything that we do, because everything matters.
Life is full of contradictions isnt it? We give our power away to false hierarchy but resist with every move the fact that God is the boss of us all. He doesn’t force us to comply but lovingly sets the boundaries, and key performance indicators for us to review.
Sometimes the ‘boss’, likes being the boss and uses the position to have power over others so no wonder this phrase or reference comes with mixed feelings. However once awareness is brought to this like you have done with this article we can then begin to unlock what simply prevents or inhibits us having a relationship with another person.
I agree – it is not common place to say ‘I work with’ but instead ‘I work for’ – many supervisors, managers, CEO’s and directors would probably want the status of having people work for them, but really the environment of the work place is made so much more equal and supportive when the understanding is that we ‘work with’ other people no matter their position
Great how you have brought attention to the words ‘work for’ and ‘work with’, Rebecca, and a good call that many supervisors, managers, CEO’s and directors actually thrive on the status of having people work ‘for them’. It’s no wonder people dislike the inequality that type of expectation holds.
I’ve always found that phrase jarring to hear, and this gives an initial insight into why.
This sharing shows to me how we can have an idea in our heads of what a word is associated with and we won’t let go of it. Then we taint situations to fit into this word. To see males as ‘the boss’ really re-inforces the power struggle – and we are just glorifying inequality by confirming this, rather than saying hang on – why do I have a belief around this word.
I too am on the look-out for subtle ways that I give my power away. This is a great example of how we can do that with what appears to be simple terms of reference. I like how Universal Medicine invites you to explore the fact that everything is energy so therefore has an energetic quality. And what is the quality/energy that is attached to these words we use. You can learn a lot from observing this at play.
This is a great example of how we blindly adopt the usage of a word without first discerning the consciousness it comes with. By doing this we add to this ill pool of consciousness that would have us drown in ideals and beliefs that go oceans deep but do not come anywhere near what is actually true. By becoming more aware of what we say and how we say it we are able to fine tune our expression to be a more accurate representation of who we truly are. Slowly, slowly, in this way, we begin to rebuild and thus resurrect – truth in word.
This is a great point Liane. I am aware that although I do not normally refer to those I work with as ‘boss’ or think of them as such, I have often referred to them as that when communicating with 3rd parties, because it seemed convenient at the time. Your comment is a great reminder of the importance of a greater level of care and responsibility.
It was the fact that I was blindly adopting the usage of a word without first discerning the consciousness it came with that really pulled me up, Liane. It sure has me on the lookout now for other places I might be doing this with different words.
Yes, the deference can be there without even knowing it, yet each person is where they are to do a job. I can see that fear comes into it – the boss has the power to hire and fire, yet having that separation also suggests you are not part of the decision to join a company or stay in a company. Great pick up on how one small word can have such a big subtext.
“Principals are appointed in a supervisory position and are to provide support to their staff when required – same as expected of any other person appointed a supervisor in other occupations as well.” This is so true, it is easy to think people in manager roles or other kind of leading/supervising roles are more than us when we are working under their supervision but in fact they are not better than us, they just have another role in their job. It is just like men and women are equal even though they have different expressions.
There is a belief that a ‘boss’ is better, more qualified who has the power to hire and fire. In this view, it’s easy to be deferrent and give our power away, but as you say, Lieke managers have a role to play so that others may carry out their job well. In the appreciation of each role at work, and the productivity of the team equal-ness can be felt.
There is a belief that a ‘boss’ is better, more qualified who has the power to hire and fire. In this view, it’s easier to be submissive and give our power away, but as you say, Lieke managers have a role to play so that others may carry out their job well. In the appreciation of each role at work, and the productivity of the team equal-ness can be felt.
Yes, Rachel. It is all in the beliefs that come with the words we use. May I be open to see more ways words I use are tainted. As Liane, expressed, Truth in Word, is what humanity needs so we can all be freed from the age-old consciousnesses that, at this point in time, cloak and warp our words and take us away from our true expression.
This is really interesting; ‘I now can feel there is a flavour of deference and a giving away of personal power in how I have blithely been saying ‘boss’ along with everyone else over the years’, reading this I can feel that there is so much that we accept as ‘normal’ without questioning it.
I know for myself how easy it is to say “well that’s what the boss wants” or “oh that’s the bosses choice” in a way to remove responsibility from you in that circumstance. Yes the person in the position of “boss” does have a lot of say with decisions but when we do what we do “just because they said so” it does create a degree of separation and it means there is no true unification within our choices and decisions.
Very true and well said Doug.
Way to boss that realisation 😉 I find it so cool when you have new awareness about something – that realisation allows for further change.
thank you for revealing the bastardization on the meaning of ‘boss’ we have created. And the attitude and behavior we have used around it.
When we come from our essence there is no way we would hold anyone as greater or lesser than us.
I agree Elizabeth and I have experienced being met in this quality and it is absolutely exquisite.
Even if our roles vary in jobs, family, or otherwise our equality is still the same.
Absolutely and that’s why using the name BOSS has been misuse as people feel that the BOSS is placed higher and has a different level of status.
oh I went through that with the word “just” some time ago – it felt awful. JUSTifying, unclaimed and disempowering.
Yes, it is fabulous to helm our own ship and not give our power away to others, no matter what the situation is. We are the masters of our own truth.
” I’ve realised I have never called any of the female principals I have worked with ‘the boss.’ I have always referred to them by their first name.” Wow this is a huge learning calling a man your boss , thank you so much for sharing.
Giving our power away can come in so many guises and our use of words like, ‘boss’ is one of them. To feel our equal-ness with others and our own inner authority changes the game of ‘giving our power away’ completely.
I agree Rachel, using words like boss, is a simple example of us giving our power away, so its great to stop and reflect where else are we doing this in life and what other words are we using.
Great blog, after reading this I am inspired to be more aware of the words I use in conversation and also be more aware of the energy behind them.
Thank you for this Anon. When being curious as to why things are they way they are – how are our conversations playing out in everyday life? One thing I’ve learned from Universal Medicine is that conversations can be hugely powerful and transformative or retarding and keeping us going in circles.
I am almost always the boss in things I do and businesses I run, but never let anyone call me that or refer to me in that manner with customers as we are all equal and using that word (unless playfully) creates separation.
Rumpole of The Bailey used to refer to his wife as “She Who Must be Obeyed” – I quite like that title – I think there is a longer history to it from before Rumpole time.
I’m not to sure ‘She Who Must Be Obeyed’ or, conversely, ‘ He Who Must be Obeyed’ feel truly kosher to me, Nicola. They hold too much of the old ‘boss oneupmanship’ consciousness for me to be able to like them nowadays, no matter how seemingly jokingly Rumpole delivered this phrase in that old TV program.
Now imagine every word in the language we use and understand we’ve misinterpreted and laced each one in the same way. We have not been the boss of their meanings like we thought we were.
So true, Joseph, as we are gradually discovering.
Every word we use has a ripple effect. I know some men who ‘playfully’ call their wives the boss, but know they don’t mean it, and it undermines someone’s true authority.
Anything that holds another as greater or lesser encourages separation and inequality. Everyone within the work-place, within our homes and our relationships has a vital part to play and should be seen to be of equal value.
Super cool to call out when we give our power away and to bring that into our everyday. As you say old habits die hard but the more we are committted to being all of who we are then naturally they just start to fall away. Habits are not who we are; they are what we have taken on to avoid feeling something deeper underneath.
Wise words, Natalie. ‘Habits are not who we are; they are what we have taken on to avoid feeling something deeper underneath.’
The process of understanding the energetic impact of everything we do and say as presented by Universal Medicine is an unending exploration which brilliantly unpicks all that we have accepted without question, thank-you for sharing this seemingly small but equally impactful thread of our shared irresponsibility.
Very interesting read Anonymous, and you are so right about usage of words that we use. Because of our own pictures, attachments, beliefs, ideals we have behind words (in your case here of “boss”, it could also be any other word too like “love” or “religion” for example], they can have a vastly different and mixed meaning. When we are clear of those attachments, the energy changes and we get to the true meaning or resonance behind each and every word.
Having my eyes opened to how I was using the word ‘boss’ was quite a watershed moment for me. As you have suggested, Zofia, there will be others I am still to discover. Having true meaning or resonance behind each and every word is definitely the way to go when it comes to communicating clearly and with energetic integrity.
Every word comes with an energy and this short word ‘boss’ is absolutely loaded. Not only does it carry a certain air of deference but I can also detect a bit of comparison and giving up in it.
Yes, Gabriele, when we use words such as ‘boss’ in this way we are subscribing to an unspoken agreement to lessen ourselves.
I picked up on that as well. I have also heard people enjoy that separation because it meant they didn’t have full responsibility for the company, they could be irresponsible in their decisions because the buck didn’t stop with them. I wonder what business would be like if we all committed to our jobs as if it were our business, not to control everything but to commit in full the responsibility of the work we are there to do.
This is interesting Gabriele, the word ‘boss’ does feel loaded and I hear what you are saying about comparison and giving up in it too. I wonder if this could be shifted if we use this word with a loving intention instead of in its usual manner. I reckon it is possible.
Interestingly I don’t have the same view about the word boss, The VP of sales retired recently and we worked together for 17 years and he was my boss but he would always say that really I was his boss, so I guess we had a relationship where there was no boss just two people working together to support the customers and the company.
Beautiful Mary, it feels that for the formality, the outside world, there needed to be a ‘boss’ but in reality this was not as it was not in your relationship, there it was equality instead.
Yes Mary that is interesting and it shows that it is not the word itself but the use of it and the energetic quality in which it is said. We can use the worlds ‘could you please grab that folder for me’ and be imposing and disrespectful in our quality while ‘grab that folder for me will you’ can be very respectful and non-demanding simply by the quality it is spoken in.
What a great revelation to have; one that has revealed so much for you, and for me. And I had a laugh when I read “I am the boss of me”, something I have heard so many children say, with those around them laughing too while at the same time probably saying to themselves – ‘no you’re not, I am”. But you are so right, we are actually our own boss, the one responsible for making every single decision in our lives but at the same time being responsible for every single consequence, unlike many of the ‘bosses’ I have had.
I have also noticed this pattern of using certain seemingly small words automatically in my every day conversation that have a big effect on how I view the world. Every word matters in our conversations.
I’ve been exploring the word ‘Good’ it can hide so much and yet it is deeply accepted. If a situation or person is ‘Good’ then we look no further or deeper. Good seems to keep us on the surface. And how and where do I use it? Trying to not use the word good requires almost a language restructure.
Yes, I agree Andrew, everything matters because when we express we choose a certain vibration to express in and depending on what we choose, it can either heal or harm.
It also comes down to how a word is used and the energy it is said in. Two people can say the same word and one will lift up and one will put down. Of course some words have become so misused they can’t be lifted up.
Long before the word is shaped by our mouth, it is sounded forth by the way that we move, well before the ear can hear it.
“Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine’s presentations, I deeply know no one has control or power over me. ” thats so true and yet how often do we act in a way to give that control to another, to not stand in our truth so to speak.
My Manager is female and previously male colleagues have called her boss, if anything this felt from a place of respect for her. But I get what you are saying about how we can use phrases or words most of our life without even thinking, reflecting or realising we are saying them and the affect this expression has on our whole being .. after all everything is energy. It is always good to be aware if and when we are giving our power away to another as then we can ask where is this pattern, ideal or belief coming from and change it.
I have never really liked the word boss, either being called it or using it to refer to another as it does take away from us all being equal.
Same here Kev and I feel anything that creates separation we naturally can register tension in our body. So, when the word ‘boss’ is used to separate people, I can feel the harm due to the intention of separation.
I’ve heard the term boss used in many relationships and marriages and in these cases boss is used to describe the woman. I’ve seen men hand over responsibility for most household and family decisions to women and in so doing, deny themselves the opportunity to participate as equals in the home. I’ve seen women delight in being the boss in the home, deftly controlling men and children instead of sharing responsibility. This imbalance does not support woman, man or child. The way is not to lead others, but support others to lead themselves and work with each other.
I love the distinction you have made here Kehinde between taking sole charge of leadership as if ruling over others and in contrast supporting everyone to work with one other and also lead the way. There is a world of difference between how empowered and valued every single person feels, as well as the overall outcome.
This is such a powerful comment, Kehinde, and so shows the loving way to be, no matter where we are or who we are with, is to ‘support others to lead themselves and work with each other.’
Thankyou for sharing your lesson with us all and after reading this blog, I too will become more aware of the words I use in conversation, as everything counts and has a ripple effect.
The consequences of we giving our power away to the one who employs us or holds the purse strings is we de-value ourselves, believing the so called ‘boss’ is better or more worthy than we are. Appreciating ourselves as equal to everyone we work with regardless of where they sit in the organisation is fundamental to building true relationship.
Absolutely, well said Kehinde and something to be aware of 24/7 not just at work but in all situations where we might meet some form of control, manipulation, supremacy or we might fall into this way of behaving ourselves however subtle