I have just realised that I have all these pictures, ideals and beliefs in my head about women in relationships and on how a woman should be in a relationship.
For so long I was unaware of these pictures as I have been single for ages and there has been no potential on the horizon, but recently that has changed… and so has my behaviour.
You see, when there was no potential relationship with a man, I was just being me… no one to impress, no neediness or anything, but as soon as I had a potential, these pictures started popping up all over the place. The hard thing was to realise that the pictures are not me; that I have taken them on so that I would fit in and belong.
These pictures look a bit like this, and for each woman they will be different, but here are some of mine:
- As a woman I should look a certain way, either sexy or feminine, for a man to like me and want to be in a relationship with me
- The house should be clean and tidy or else I am not a good woman
- The dinner should be perfect and everyone should enjoy it otherwise I am a failure as a woman
- I should be happy, fun and playful otherwise I am not a good woman
- I should be a good parent
- I should be smart
And the list will go on until bit by bit I get more and more honest about these pictures and beliefs that I have somehow had in my mind and thought were me, but aren’t really. At some point in my life, probably when I was very young, I must have felt that the real me would be rejected and I tried to fit a picture of what I thought I should be instead. When the picture gets rejected I think it‘s me and do not realise that it is just the picture or a false ideal.
I am starting to realise that from my role models, and from what I have seen on TV, in movies and in society, I have taken on these pictures of what it is to be, not only a woman, but also a women in relationship, as being me – but in fact it is not me at all.
The tricky part is that when I get caught in the trying to be the ‘picture’, in trying to look sexy, to have the house picture perfect clean and to make the perfect dinner, to have the perfect relationship, I have to leave who I am naturally and put myself under a lot of pressure to be who I am not. This pressure causes anxiety and stress and worse than that, it causes me to not be me.
In that moment, I contract or feel less and cannot for the life of me just relax and be me…
The other choice that I consider in that moment is to give up completely because it’s like I will never be able to reach the impossible standards I have set for myself as a woman – and I have only set the standards because of the pictures in my head.
I am not sure how it must feel for the man at the other end of this scenario – I am yet to discover that – but it must feel kind of strange meeting a woman and seeing her as herself but then the next time that you see her she is anxious and putting on a show. It’s no wonder guys can sometimes get cold feet in a relationship with a woman and run. Maybe it’s just that they feel the falseness of the picture and say no to that. Maybe they are not interested in the “made up version” and in fact the part they liked was the real one.
It has taken me years to acquire all these pictures of woman in relationship and how a woman ‘should’ be, act and behave in a relationship, so as much as I would like to discard them overnight, I realise that this is a work in progress and requires my honesty and awareness to slowly, one by one, become aware of each picture and decipher whether it’s me or a picture.
I may be attached to some pictures more than others and identified in them in some way, depending on how ingrained they are in me and that is okay, as it is all part of my process. Now my process is to unravel the what is not me, so that I can be me as a woman in relationship.
by Rosie Bason, Age 35, Massage therapist, Parent, Business owner, Goonellabah
Inspired by Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine
890 Comments
This is such an honest breakdown of relationships and the pictures we assemble when “hope” of a relationship appears on the horizon. It ought to be published in a women’s magazine so that many women and men can read it.
The line that really shook me was this one “When the picture gets rejected I think it‘s me and do not realise that it is just the picture or a false ideal.”
I had never grasped it was the picture being rejected – the picture that was never me in the first place, just an assemblage of shoulds and musts from all over the place! Never from my essence. Yet I took it personally, always. How strange that we get so hurt because people don’t like the “pretend us” we project.
A brilliant insight, that will stay with me.
I agree Rachel this is so insightful and really struck me also. I recognised and felt how many times I have chosen to feel hurt or rejection when in truth I wasn’t being genuine and was putting on an act to be accepted etc. This article really lifts the lid on the falsity that we allow to run through our relationships. Many thanks Rosie a lot to learn, ponder and unravel
This is a beautiful sharing Rosie, thank you.
You have presented much food for thought around being a woman and whatever think is being a woman.
Yes perhaps, infact quite likely that men are more interested in the real woman that the ‘made up’ one.
Thanks for sharing this with us Rosie, you are not alone – men do it too. Our own personal pictures of what it means to be a husband, a good worker, even pictures of what it means to be a man – all false and all impressed on us by society, and our own ideals and beliefs. Great to expose the un-truth – all we have to do is the easiest thing of all…..be ourselves.
Interesting Frank, the easiest thing of all…. to be ourselves… can sometimes be a challenge. Breaking down those false roles, ideals and beliefs we have so invested in can take time, but as you say great to expose the un-truth. Rosie’s blog offers a stop moment to reflect on just that.
A truthful unfoldment you have made, to open up all that you are to everyone you are with (:
It is a HUGE unfoldment you’re right Ben – being yourself with everyone you meet is quite a committment.
When I was younger, I had a firm belief that women and men should be the same. Also in the household, which caused a lot of fights with the men I knew in my life. I would easily feel abused, because the men were not educated by their parents to take on certain things. On the other hand, I wanted them to be real men, and not ‘softies’.
So I had kind of a ‘feministic’ ideal. Little did I know that I hardened myself and developed a shield to protect myself and pretend to be ‘cool’.
I am now in my fifties, still working on my ideals and beliefs around how a women should be, but at least very well on my way to honour my innate qualities and playfulness. It seems it is discarding the pictures of many, many generations.
The beauty of this is realising that the pictures inside our heads are just that ‘pictures’, and can be erased. I know from personal experience that sometimes, even with the best will in the world, I get hooked into my own pictures, start living a false life, trying to be what I am not and meet the unreal expectations I have placed on myself. This can be exhausting. Just as you said Rosie ‘I have to leave who I am naturally and put myself under a lot of pressure to be who I am not’. Connecting with our true and inner essence, brings us back to who we are naturally are. This way of being, is at the heart of the teachings of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
This is a great article Rosie and one I feel so many woman world wide will be able to relate to, it’s huge that you have opened this for discussion and so many people, I know I did until I started to attend Universal Medicine events would listen to these thoughts or feel I have to live up to this or someone else’s pictures and expectations – I’m still working on this. But what you share is rife in society the ‘idea’ for in fact it is not true, that we have to meet all theses boxes, good cook, wife, clean house, be sexy, a mother, work etc etc and even writing this never mind trying to live it is exhausting and the biggest thing it takes us so far way from our truth – being us and keeps us living in separation to our body.
Rosie, how often is it in relationships is it that ‘what you see isn’t what you get’. And for men there is also the pressure from ‘having’ to be or act in a certain way to impress a woman, until eventually it all unravels because the act can’t be sustained.
So ultimately it’s probably a lot better, and simpler, to present who you are (warts and all) without the façade, and without using that as an excuse to be lazy or slack (we need to truly present how awesome we really are!). And if they like it… great! If not… then that’s how it is. Now that would be something to aspire to.
But as you say, it certainly helps to unravel who we really are along the way.
Thank you Rosie, This is how it can be for some of us women. I too can relate to this post. I have spent the last eight years being single by choice. For me it has been a very empowering time to get to know who the real me is. I love me more and more each day !
Well Rosie you are certainly on track with the honesty, great honest blog. Being just me is so important but many situations can drag us out of just being ourselves. This still happened to me when I feel someone is more than I am, I hate it when this happen. Even though I know we are all equal, I still leave myself and it feels awful. Hence the old saying Just be yourself and it will all be alright.
I know what you mean Kevin. I noticed this the other day, as someone seemed so intelligent and academic, and I put myself as less for a bit, but then I realised that we are both equal, its just we have studied different things and we speak a different language… the difference is only in the doing and the knowing…. and under that we are just the same.
This is something that I catch myself in also at times, with comparing myself to someone being more intelligent and academic than I. Love this Rosie – “….we are both equal, its just we have studied different things and we speak a different language…” so simple and brings it back to love straight away!
For sure the feeling of being more or less than another is just an illusion that keeps us separated from one another. Relationships where there are roles played out has the same effect in removing the possibility of true intimacy by us not living who we really are.
I too have been unravelling the pictures that I have been carrying around about myself as a woman, a mother, a wife, a daughter, a counsellor, a sister etc etc. There are so many areas of our lives where these pictures have crept in, and so many pictures to try to create. It is really quite exhausting when you look at it like this. There is a very real simplicity in just being ourselves rather than turning ourselves inside out and upside down to become someone that we are not. Crazy really.
Definitely Robyn – It takes A LOT of effort and time to match the ‘perfect’ ideals we hold in our minds, whereas to just be ourselves is rather simple – and very easy in comparison to the former.
Sweet and simple Rosie. The real us is so much better than the “anxious and putting on a show ” in relationships I agree. I still have the anxious and putting on a show type of fiscade, but thats only because I am not showing the real me. When you show the real you, I feel a lot of weight drop off my shoulders. Its fun to work with and is constantly unfolding. Thankyou for this reflection that you provide by writing about it in a blog.
Rosie, I can totally relate to that, one just has to imagine that I have ingrained those behaviours already as a little child by playing ‘Ken and Barbie in a relationship’. We as kids observe what is happening around us in the adult world and pick up what we think is the right thing to do, be or act. And all this without every being aware that it may influence our future relationships. Good you are getting aware now and unravel those things. I am on board.
Rosie, I appreciated the observation you make about the guy’s that you can understand that they sometimes can get cold feet in a relationship with a women and run because of the fact that she is living up to the pictures of how to be a ‘good’ woman in a relationship. I feel that you have a great point here and when we both women and men become more aware about these pictures we cary with us and, how these pictures do have an effect on our behaviour, we will become able to see through these falsities and connect to the true beauty we all cary within us.
Awesome blog, thank you Rosie. In the past I too have fallen for the belief that I had to create the perfect picture otherwise people would not accept me. Living with perfection is exhausting but there seems to be such a pull from society for women to be perfect and to compare with others to ensure we are keeping up to the ideals and beliefs of what the perfect women is. Perfectionism is insidious and stops us from appreciating the beauty and preciousness we naturally are. With the support of the Esoteric Healing modalities, taught by Universal Medicine, I am slowly healing my need to be perfect and becoming more of the real me.
Wow, Rosie. Great insights about how we have been or are in relationships. I can relate to all that you have shared and you have inspired me to look further into what it means to be in a relationship, how and who I am being and what pictures I am modelling myself on instead of being the real me.
I can so relate to this – “In that moment, I contract or feel less and cannot for the life of me just relax and be me…” This for me has also been within any relationships – being the perfect friend, wife, mother, having a clean and organised house, perfect kids etc etc. I have over the years pin-pointed some of these beliefs and ideals and continue to.
I can remember completely loosing myself and becoming an anxious and stressed mess when it came to anyone coming over. People would know me one way, and then meet a completely different person when they would come over to my house…. I couldn’t even hear what they were saying most of the time, (and yet I was so looking forward to seeing them) because of these pictures I was carrying. I would then feel terrible and exhausted when they would leave, as I presented a fake me the whole time and the pain of missing meeting them. How debilitating pictures, ideals and beliefs can be… it is very inspiring to read Rosie how you have and are seeing them for what they are and discarding them, knowing who you really are.
Thanks for sharing so honestly Aimee, its amazing how many different ways we all use these pictures and how debilitating they can be indeed.
Aimee, this brought back memories of when I was in my 20s and entertaining friends at home – the home would have to be immaculate and look good for them, there was always a show even though i was pleased to see them – but this ‘picture perfect’ is tiring and so I found myself looking forward to when they would leave – exposes the roles and show I was putting on as I couldn’t keep it up.
Yes it does expose the roles Susan, especially when we look forward to being by ourselves again so we can drop the act! This reminds me also, of an event or meeting up with someone being built up so much that when it actually happened I was so ‘over it’ already because I had played out the dinner, meeting, holiday or outing a thousand times in my head. This is sad because not only have I created a picture of how I should be…. but also had a picture of how the others would play out their part. It also doesn’t allow for a relationship to grow or evolve.
This is so awesome everyone calling out all the different subtle and not so subtle pictures we can have. Thanks for starting it Rosie.
A great calling out Aimee and the beginning of a blog in it’s own right!
The story you tell was very similar to mine, but I was the single parent working mum with 4 perfect kids and all the ideas of being the super-mum who could fix it all. I was exhausted and running myself ragged.
When I think back to how I lived back then, I have no idea how I got through, but I do know it was at a very high cost to my poor body. The ideas we have about how life should be, are rarely our own, but inherited and by and large, these tend to harm us. I love how Rosie shows how there is another way to live.
I had an experience several times when my daughter was an infant. I didn’t go out much other than to walk in the forest or park and spent most days at home in a very quiet rhythm of getting to know each other. When friends came to visit on mass she would scream and scream and I would become super anxious and I realised that she was not upset with the visitors but with the fact I was no longer me and she couldn’t feel me anymore. Amazing that I could be so anxious just at my friends visiting. I now understand that I was not able to just be me and let them see and feel that, rather I was feeling like I was not living up to the picture of a perfect mum.
It is true that going into relationship can be very confronting and yet it is such an opportunity. I have had several relationships throughout my life and although I was not myself before the relationship I totally lost myself even further as the relationship went on, all of my own doing of course, because I was trying to be what I thought ‘they’ wanted or what I thought a loving caring woman should be. I have been single for quite a few years now and through the love and support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine I have come to know myself on a much deeper level than I ever thought possible, and I now wonder, even though I feel it would be great to have an intimate relationship with another, am I not seeking it because it it easier to be me on my own? Could I remain the self I have come to know and love and remain true to me and my needs, and at the same time find that balance where I lovingly support myself and the other equally, allowing them to do the same also. For me this has felt so scary that I am only just starting to really open myself to the possibility, so thank you Rosie for your great article, it gave me pause to stop and ponder on my own “pictures” of how it should be.
HI Rosie, I nearly laughed out loud when I read your pictures as I could very much relate to them! Where did I take all of this on?! It reminds me of the adverts in the 1950s – the perfectly turned out housewife, cooking a perfect meal, greeting her husband, dressed up to the 9s, hair, house and kids immaculate, smiley, all is perfect …. I used to think these ads were so fake but I found myself taking on elements of this nevertheless. Now added to this picture is the superwoman who can work a full time job at the same time!
I loved this blog Rosie! You present with absolute simplicity that at some time or another we can all be caught up in a ‘picture’ or ideal or belief we should be, or think we should be, or want to be, but the problem with this is that we have to stop being ourselves to fit these. What a great reminder that so many of these ideals come from outside of ourselves and this is when we can lose sight of who we really are. The interesting thing is that it’s actually much easier and far less stressful to be who we really are, and yet we often do anything to avoid this!
Yep Rosie, you tapped the nail on the head “At some point in my life, probably when I was very young, I must have felt that the real me would be rejected and I tried to fit a picture of what I thought I should be instead”. I can certainly recognise the feeling of having the real me rejected and so then reconstructing the ‘me’ to fit what was being accepted. Now we just have to look in and uncover those beliefs and images. I loved reading your sharing on the pictures you hold and the way you are gradually exposing them one by one, very inspiring, thank you.
I’ve had that experience too – being rejected or looked down upon for choosing to live a way that feels true and supportive, and then trying to ‘fit’ a mould of how I think I should be living based on others opinions. Speaking from experience this is quite impossible to maintain.
Rosie thank you for this blog–how liberating it would be if both women and men could enjoy a relationship true without pictures of how we should or have to be? And how evolving it is to be reflected back into deeper awareness of these pictures we carry when with a partner or even when we are single, just because it does not feel true to be putting ourselves through such tension to be someone we are not. Thank you for sharing this is a constant work in progress, and there is no perfection in being real.
As a man it feels great when the woman does everything to be perfect but it is also very unsettling – what will the truth be?
Seeming perfection might be good for a short term relationship but I have always been acutely aware how not being myself builds up resentment and in my experience many relationships die from accumulated resentment.
I wonder if being perfect automatically reduces the duration of the relationship? Sometimes that may be good (“I am not ready to commit”), others it may be the opposite of what is desired.
Our marriage took a much deeper turn when I was being myself on day 3 when we first met and she really didn’t like it and said so and I fully embraced her telling me this truth – I actually loved her telling me as I was totally relieved – it was only something I did, not something I am.
Thank you Christoph, the key point in your comment and one for us all to remember:
It was only something I did, not something I am.
Key point here which I do recognize so much. We – specially men – tend to take the ‘feedback’ on our behavior as personal. I can see I was also very ingrained in the identification of what I do. I am good if I do good. As there are still patterns in me that are ugly, this would end up in a constant beating up and trying to ‘do’ good. It doesn’t work. Now I get up everyday and connect to the beauty I am by just looking in the mirror and seeing and feeling I am beautiful. And sometimes I still lose it. If I am not connected, and get feedback from, especially those closest to me, I can go down because I feel rejected as a person, while they are only reflecting on something I do. Still work in process.
Thanks for sharing so honestly about doing and being rejected. And it can be so hard when we are so identified with what we do.
Yes it can feel like a crushing blow to be rejected and some of us may then become very low and give up on relationships and life. What I am realising about this rejected feeling is that I only feel it when I have already rejected being my natural beautiful self. When we allow the trying to take over or we hold onto those pictures, there is a heavy investment in how things will go and how others will react/respond to us and what we’ll get back. This can happen in all relationships. The one thing that re-orients me is developing a deeper relationship with the real me.
Hi Rosie – thank you for your revealing blog, I really enjoyed reading it and there were several ah ha moments for me also – what a great analogy – ‘picture perfect’.
The line that stood out for me was “This pressure causes anxiety and stress and worse than that it causes me not to be me.” – Interesting to ascertain where on earth that energy comes from that can so swiftly bring in that feeling of anxiety that one is not enough just as they are, and so must change to meet some nebulous level of acceptibility – amazing isn’t it that we can actually choose to take that route – or not.
I can relate to this Rosie, to realising that I was aspiring to fit a certain picture of how I ‘should’ be rather than just naturally be who I am. Being in tune, honest and loving with myself helps me too, to be more aware of when I’m trying to be something that isn’t really me and to let it go.
Ha ha Rosie, what you write is so true I had to laugh, but really we should cry. Of course men have the same thing going on, probably think they have to be strong, breadwinner etc etc – the message seems to be for everyone to be everything other than who they truly are. How sick is that and also how crazy because there is nothing more gorgeous than us being ourselves.
So true Nicola. So if both men and women are conforming to ideals, roles and pictures of what we think we should be or what the relationship should be, is it any wonder we have all the issues we do in our relationships.
I was visiting a place of work recently and there was a big poster up saying, “if you are not being you then who are you? it seems that in relationships and in life we play out our roles and loose ourselves in the process. Isn’t that the worst kind of loss there is?
And if men have it going on, and women too, we meet as two people trying to be someone else and not themselves and some spend a whole lifetime in marriages never ever allowing themselves to be themselves in case they won’t be loved, so then they live a life of lies. How sad is that.
How sadly true that is Rosie to be living in a lie. Thank you for your awesome blog. I know that I stayed out of a relationship with another for years to avoid taking on the ‘picture perfect play’.
However, I am now in relationship again and I realise one must be ever aware, open, honest and vigilant because the pictures never stop coming. The good thing is that in my new relationship we have agreed to be each others ‘picture spotter’ and we talk about what’s at play when issues occur, to see if it’s real or not. This agreement and commitment to each other has been so awesome as we can both remind each other of our blind spots. It’s wonderful to connect deeply in a true commitment to love and truth with ourselves and another. This is what I asked for when I put myself out there again and this is what I received. To give the blessing of the true me to another while I enjoy the blessing of who he truly is to me.
Irena, sounds like you have the ultimate type of relationship, one in which you evolve together – a ‘true blessing’ as you say. It’s beautiful to read about your’s and Rosie’s experiences.
Rosie this is so true. I know many couples like this and also long-term friendships. I know I have attempted to live an idealised verson of myself that created so much stress in the relationship. I’ve experienced partners trying to live up to ideals even when I said it doesn’t matter. And yet, I’ve also insisted they live up to my idealised version of a partner. It’s sad and crazy!
That’s so true Karin, as well as a picture of how we thinks we should be, we also have a picture of how our partners should be and cause problems trying to make them fit our image. It is so crazy when we really examine how we are in some relationships. Imagine just being yourself 100% of the time and allowing other to be themselves too without any demand? Working on that one.
So right Nicola. Women and men are busy painting pictures of what they think they are meant to be, and the feeding back from one to another perpetuates the whole scam. The woman paints a picture, seeking a man who fits into the picture, the man tries to paint a picture of himself that fits into the picture the woman projects to him, or vise-versa…it has to be broken somewhere along the line, or it just builds into one big illusion, with no one being themselves, how awful is that. Thanks Sandra for bringing this up and presenting the possibility of breaking this process.
I agree Nicola, it is crazy that we are not all ourselves. We would save a lot of time and energy if we were!
And this not being who we really are may just be the very cause of why we do get sick.
I totally love what you have shared here Nicola. Men and women are in fact equally bombarded by the roles and expectations of society on how to be the perfect man or women but in truth we are all imperfect. Accepting that we are imperfect allows us the grace to grow and learn from these imperfections and to realise that our true strength is actually being ourselves, imperfections and all.
Yes, Suse being our true-self, imperfections and all is where it is at and that is also why we have relationships, so that we get reflections and can be inspired and supported by others in the areas where we are imperfect. Together, we can then be amazing.
Great that you are writing about this Rosie, I have begun to realise over the last 6 months how many pictures I have painted of how I thought I should be in life. and how exhausting they are. I was continually trying to live up to these pictures that weren’t me but ones I had created to be liked and recognised, believing that I was never enough just being me. Once I began to realise these pictures weren’t me and that I did not need to strive to be perfect I have been able to see them for what they are and let them go.
Beautiful Rosie, and so true, I can completely relate. We all carry round pictures of how we think life should be, and trying to live up to them causes a lot of stress and anxiousness, and stops people from seeing who they really are.
We call people without sight ‘impaired’ but what a prison we live in when we consider ourselves full-sighted but are made blind by these beliefs.
What a quote Josheph! I love what you have written and shared here.
So true.
I loved your blog Rosie and so agree with you about joseph’s quote, it is a definite pearl.
Beautifully expressed Joseph. And what a prison it is.
Yes, Joseph! It is an epidemic of blindness while we act as if we can see.
What you share is absolutely true Joseph. Our prison is our own inability to see, feel and appreciate our own totally awesome qualities beyond the ideals, beliefs and unrealistic societal constructs and pictures of how we think we should be and look. How crazy is that.
I totally relate to what you have presented Rosie. In my past relationships I have adjusted myself to suit the partner of the time, sometimes to the extreme until there was not much of me left. It has been a long time since opening myself to a relationship and I wonder, now that I have connected to me if I would still allow those “pictures” to enter and take me away from me. Knowing now that I have a choice in all I do, I would hope to choose not.
Irene, I can so relate to this: “In my past relationships I have adjusted myself to suit the partner of the time, sometimes to the extreme until there was not much of me left”. And then when the relationships ended there definitely was not much of me left. And so the re-building of me would begin again, tainted by the experience of the previous relationship, and so the cycle would continue. With the wisdom and common sense presented to me by Serge Benhayon, Natalie Benhayon and others, I am now learning to claim all of me, and know that my next relationship will have all of me in it.
Thank-you Rosie, for your post has given me the opportunity what to recognise about myself. How I also can go into what I should do or not do or say, when I am trying to impress someone, which then isn’t the real me. Is it possible that that reflects I don’t feel enough the way I am and it is about accepting and loving myself first and recognising how being my true self, I am being more honest and open and give the opportunity for that person to feel safe enough to be more open and their true self with me.
Thanks for sharing with us Deidre, it’s amazing what we do and say to impress or put on a show, when really it’s so simple and lovely to just be who we are!
So true Katherine and Deidre, and it feels just so solid when we are just ourselves, it is joy-full to just be. And really lovely when those around us can then be themselves too.
For me, I can often feel when someone is putting on a picture or “trying” and it hurts me, and at times frustrates me because all I want is the real deal.
This is such a true point for me too Rosie. I feel the hurt and sadness behind it and wonder why others are not being real. Not taking into consideration that I too can fall into the trap of acting the same at times. A great blog.
Yes, we recognise it because we have lived and done that too.. its just like a mirror.
I have had to accept that even when I think I am being myself I later come to realise that I haven’t been myself at all. That there are more pictures, ideal, beliefs and roles that I have been playing. The depth to which we have lost ourselves and our way can at times seem endless. And yet to stop the charade and the struggle and complication can be very simple. We just have to let go and feel that who we truly are is inside us just waiting to come out.
What great awareness Rosie, to feel how limiting are these ideals of the perfect woman that we have been bombarded with. The loving and honest relationship you are building with yourself is inspiring.
Bernadette when we take a look at a “perfect woman” I am sure that most men will have a different idea of what a “perfect woman” would be from the woman herself. It’s very unlikely men are actually looking for a “perfect woman” instead my feeling is that deep down they are looking for someone where they feel safe and are able to trust so they can open up the great tenderness we, as men, feel inside. So perhaps as Rosie has shared the makeup, shoes, clothes are not what its really about – simply what the magazines make women feel they need to be and men in turn toe the lie to.
Thanks for sharing from a man’s perspective David – great insight.
Awesome, powerful sharing there David. Thank you.
When men friends of mine are tender around me, it melts me. It is so beautiful to be around. I don’t mean this from a sexual perspective at all. For me it just seems that when I am around a man who is tender and loving, I too then feel very safe to just be me.
Which makes me think about how we both love that reflection, of each other being themselves…. but we sometimes get caught up waiting for the other to be that reflection first.
Very true, David. I would add that at other times, men (and women) can also seek out a partner who does not bring out who they truly are and reinforces the ‘perfect picture’ of who they think that they are supposed to be. This just helps to bury even further their true self who is, as you say, immensely tender and caring.
Good point Naren. That is such a shame, like a settling for less in a way.
I also have often felt ‘less than’ who I really am in relationships because I have been ‘ needy’ looking for love to come from outside of myself. I guess when the time comes that we can completely accept ourselves and love ourselves enough just for being who we are, we’ll realise we are really worthy of being cherished and we’ll feel that and be confident to be ourselves.
And the big difference now is that we are open and honest enough and we are aware.
Dear Rosie, what a great little blog to write and perfect timing as I am starting to open myself up to being in relationship with a man again and I have been aware of a little bit of craziness within me also. I haven’t really stopped and considered what was going on, but I wasn’t as loving to myself and what this has highlighted is that it is my stuff coming up around being in a relationship that I haven’t been wanting to look at. So now I can start to go through all the pictures that are not me. One of my big ones is that my body has to look a certain way before a man would want to be with me, and another is that I have to have money and be successful. I realise that I have put so many conditions on myself that it is no wonder that I have being single for so long. I also just realised that I would accept much much less from the man and this also highlights another issue for me and that is not waiting for the constellated love and settling for a man that is not going where I am going.
That’s really honest sharing, Simone. I can recognise in myself all the falsely created pictures I have made with all the conditions, expectations and most of all ‘settling for less’. I am learning day by day the power and strength I hold that goes hand in hand with vulnerability, tenderness and sensitivity. As I accept myself more deeply within, then it becomes harder to accept being less and the boxes I have put myself in are breaking down.
You being you, is so much more valuable than any amount of money Simone!
It is funny that as soon as a potential partner comes into our life everything else seems to go out the window! I wonder why this is? Feeling into this, for me, I feel it is lack of self worth … still! Because if I had this then no matter what else was going on in my life my love for me and consistency with this would stay the same.
Yes, that could be a big part of it Vicky.
I love what you bring up here Rosie and can feel that I have gone through the very same process – many times – of trying to be a certain way to attract someone. What I’m coming to realise is how exhausting it is trying to keep up the ‘picture’ and how would I maintain it if a relationship were to come of it? Doesn’t feel like a very good foundation to start building a relationship upon! As you say, time to start discarding the pictures and to just be ourselves.
I agree Melissa, and it explains why so many people feel that there partners are not the same person they first started dating, probably because it is impossible to maintain a picture forever, and eventually it slips back to how you are when your not ‘putting it on’, But what if there was someone who would love you completely for who you are, not the picture you try to be.
Great point Rebecca
Rebecca, I love it, how gorgeous that would be, however you are.
I agree Rebecca. And that person is well worth waiting for- remembering also that we can be that person for ourselves too.
That is very important Johanna, I would even say that we should be that person to ourselves first. This makes it possible to go into a relationship without a need.
Yes, it has to start with our self first and foremost.
So True Rebecca,
How exhausting… and isn’t funny that pictures become stale and fade with time…
Why try to keep up a false image that is such a flat and limited version of a woman… when we could instead be the real and whole us – rich, multidimensional, and forever developing and blossoming.
Once or twice I have come across an ordinary couple like that Rebecca. I particularly remember an old couple I used to visit in my work. She was recovering from a stroke, very dependent on carers but when her husband looked at her, you could see that he loved her completely for who she was, and she him. It was one of the most beautiful things I ever saw, and still moves me.
So true Rebecca. When people are first dating, they are often on what I refer to as their best behaviour – they fit the picture the other person has but over time that can’t be maintained because it’s not actually real. So when the person starts to let that image slide, dissatisfaction comes in on both sides…how often do we hear ‘that’s not the man/woman I married?’.
It really does show the level of exhaustion and one of the factors that adds to this. It makes complete sense that if you are striving to be what you think you need to be rather than being yourself it’s going to have an effect on your body and being.
I too could see the pictures of the false ideal, Rosie, and in my youth that ideal was blasted at us from society, school, family, TV and women’s magazines as vigorously as it was for you and still is today. I grew up with pictures of physically beautiful demure women, made up and dressed up even to do the dirtiest work, perfect house, perfect children, perfect cooking, looking sexy and fresh after a hard day’s housework and child-rearing, submissive and available to the man when he got home from work…. And saw the women of my family who were unable to be like that, being beaten and abused. Boy I rebelled! This picture was so not the essential me and I wasn’t going to comply! “When the picture gets rejected I think it‘s me and do not realise that it is just the picture or a false ideal.” My picture got rejected because I did not even try to fit the ideal. But of course I took that personally: I am weird, ugly, abnormal, a misfit, something wrong with me, etc. I came to the conclusion that it didn’t matter anyway because I did not want to marry or become a mother and housewife (read ‘house-slave/sex slave/baby slave’ because that’s how it was in my neighbourhood). So along came relationships, and I had a bit of the opposite: the tension came from me NOT fitting the ideal, which my partners expected me to fit. So whether you comply or don’t comply with the ideal picture of how women should be in relationships, It’s going to ‘get you’ and put pressure to not be you. I could say as you do Rosie, that now my process is to unravel the what is not me, so that I can be…. me as the woman I am in relationship. Just with a lot more tenderness, fragility and self-awareness than before.
Hi Diane, I have to sit and wonder after reading your comment, have I at times gone to the opposite extreme of the “picture”, ideal or belief as a way of rebellion, which is still not me, at all.
If you push something too hard it will spring in the opposite direction. I guess many of we women experienced this as a result of being pushed to conform to a particular picture of womanhood, and as you say, Rosie, the rebellious opposite is not our true selves either. All it does is shows that there’s a problem with the way things are, but the solution comes in letting go of both untrue extreme pictures and being ourselves in all our glory.
Dianne that’s interesting “If you push something too hard it will spring in the opposite direction.” Then we go to another set of pictures that are not our true reflection either. It seems we have a strategy for deflecting our own natural picture… There is an automatic tension the causes an instant reaction and until we heal our own deep trust and self love we don’t have the connection within ourselves to have that relationship with another.
Thanks Diane, I love the words “my process is to unravel the what is not me, so that I can be…. me”. This is a beautiful process to commit to, and even though it is something we can only do for ourselves, I feel so supported by the Universal Medicine practitioners every step of the way in re-discovering who I truly am.
Thank you Diane, what you have shared adds another piece to the reasons for the mess we are in as women. I can relate to what you have said and even though I strived for perfection as a mother and wife because of a picture. There were also times when I thought there was something wrong when I couldn’t comply to how I thought it should be! In this, more webs are woven so yes now I am learning too “my process is to unravel the what is not me, so that I can be…. me as the woman I am…”
Rosie, what a gift to start a relationship with this honesty about all the ideals and believes around how a woman should look and behave in a relationship. To recognise all the pictures one by one as not being you but something you have taken on and to feel the love that you are.
Thanks Rosie. You have really reminded me to take more notice of everytime I slip into being what I think I should be. I’m also starting to realise that when people commend me on certain things that I have a natural knack for, I start to feel as though I need to then fit into a picture society has created in order to keep my ability, or natural expression up. I then get anxious about not being able to maintain that picture, which leads to self doubt about what that person saw in me in the first place, which then starts a whole internal dialogue…which is exhausting…because what I’m not paying attention to is the fact that there is nothing to prove, and nothing to ‘keep up’. I’m just being me when I’m naturally doing what I do without the need to be something.
Trying to be something we’re not is very very sneaky…..it is creeps in when we’re not looking.
Thank you Elodie. I love your comment about taking “more notice of everytime I slip into being what I think I should be”. I am becoming more aware of how dishonouring and debasing it is to try and be something I am not, and feel the importance of coming back to myself and appreciating the true qualities that make me who I am.
Lovely expressed Janet, I so agree and am particularly drawn to your very loving sentence – “… feel the importance of coming back to myself and appreciating the true qualities that make me who I am.” This is a great pointer and helps me to reconnect every time when I have gotten a bit ‘off track’.
Yes Janet I can relate to that entirely, “slipping into being what I think I should be.” Great to be talking about this and really identifying it more. I still have many beliefs and ideals I know I had from young around being a woman. And as my mother died when I was 20 I did not get to evolve as a grown up woman alongside her and choose a different way alongside hers, and I feel some of the old got stuck.
Hi Shirley, I wonder, is the thought of having your mum alongside you to show you a way also a picture? I know for myself, I have many ideals how certain people should or should not have been in my life and they too are all based on pictures in my head.
I can totally relate Elodie. It’s hard work not being us and very simple, flowing and harmonious when we are ourselves with out any trying.
At times I have caught myself being the biggest judge toward myself- and then I remind myself to just be.
And I know for myself that I am the biggest critique and also the hardest judge. It is so exhausting.
I agree Rosie, so exhausting to be critical and judging of ourselves. Our honesty is key to getting us out of this one and back to loving ourselves in the knowing that we are most definitely enough when we allow ourselves to be who we truly are.
I just read your response, and realise the importance therefore of not judging others! Something that I am still working on. To be honest, after being a pro at judging myself, I feel that I must have done this over and over to others and that just has to change! It is time I also just allow others to be who they are no matter what chioice they make.
I just read your comment from last year Elodie and I so get what you mean. Its like when we get recognized for one thing, we then have to keep up all the pictures around that to keep the recognition or to gain more and it all stems from not appreciating that we are already enough.
This is gold Rosie!! I know what you have written so well… And for me, it doesn’t limit itself to how I am with men – I’ve seen it play out at work, in friendships, with my family… The tension this creates in my body – and the sadness I feel – is just not worth it.
Great point Brooke, we have pictures everywhere. I have held the super woman, single parent one and the perfect parent to name 2 of a long list. Imagine the pictures I created for my daughter while expecting her to be a certain way because of the ideals and beliefs I hold onto. I can’t thank Esoteric Women’s Health and Universal Medicine enough for bringing to my awareness that all of it is false.
You speak for me to Brooke, it is so true it really is not worth it. This kind of unessessary pressure can come into any form of relationship if we allow it to.
I know this tension well that you mention Brooke, and have morphed myself into what I felt others wanted me to be – with friends, at work, everywhere. I used to observe how I was different with different people. That has changed a lot over the past few years and is still changing as I accept myself more and allow others to see me.
Great point about acceptance Sandra! I’ve just realised that, when communicating with some people I completely change and even listening to myself feels yuk but I keep doing it. This I feel is a great tool when I next feel myself change and start acting in a way that is not me, to ask myself ‘what am I not accepting about myself now?’ and also ‘what am I not appreciating about myself or the other person?’ Great food for thought here… thank you
Beautiful Sandra, if I accept myself as I am, then there is no need to be anything else for anyone else to like.
Yes the tension, and so much tension that we can’t even see where or what the cause of the tension is at times, or because we have been living with so many pictures we don’t know or understand where each bit of tension actually stems from! Bit by bit, step by step we can however unravel it all with patience and will to go there and expose all the pictures we have been creating and living with.
Thank you Rosie, this has allowed me to ponder on the pictures I have relied upon during my life and how they are just ideals but not real or the truth about life.
As women we seem to take on so many ideals and beliefs. From a young age we are confronted with these ‘pictures’ that you mention, by the media, our family and friends, and other ‘role models’. We are not encouraged to just be who we are, but to seek perfection in numerous roles – good daughter, good student, great Mum or potential Mum, competent cook, etc. The perfection-seeking further highlights to ourselves that we are ‘never enough’. How amazing that you are able to see these ‘pictures’ for what they are and discard them – how truly freeing.
Wouldn’t it be great if we started out knowing we are enough just as we are. That there is no need to be anything else and that there is no need for perfection or comparison, as there is no need to try to be like someone else. Our part, just as we are, is the only part we need to play.
Wow, you expose great stuff, Rosie. In your words I can feel the natural joy in me being a woman. We really don’t have to stick to our belief patterns and ideals. Letting drop these something totally different reveals than what I thought a woman should be until now. I had the feeling this morning walking down the street how we are all connected as human beings but still think in separation because we cannot see the truth. But feeling this connection with everybody I feel the natural me, the natural woman in me and this feels so joyful.
Beautifully expressed Kerstin and Rosie. I agree – to be a woman is so much more than I thought what it is to be a woman. The pictures I had were like: the woman as a wife, loving to shop, looking feminine or being a mum. What I now feel what it is to be a woman is totally different and so much more grander than the roles I thought would define a woman. It is a joy to be a woman indeed.
Totally Lieke, to actually feel the true power of the woman when being a woman, is completely inspiring. I agree it is a gorgeous joy to be woman. I used to subconsciously consider and live with the deeply ingrained belief or hindrance that ‘being a woman’ was second best, of less importance to a man, and in need of (his) help to get to places or secure stations in life and be complete as a woman. But when we see and accept the majesty of us as a great woman with the enormous capacity to love so deeply, tenderly and wisely, we realise the gross error and injustice of this, and just how far we have been used to the suppression of our/a woman’s strength and glory from being seen, enjoyed and inspired by. A woman who lives her truth is worth everything, the same as a man living his own (truth). The two together – WOW. Heaven.
Gorgeous Lieke. As I let go of all of the pictures I have held about being a woman I can feel myself blossoming and re-connecting to what was there all along – my power, tenderness, strength, grace etc These qualities do not need any pictures as they are in me, they are in all women.
Yes, nothing to try to be, but more of a surrendering and an allowing of who we naturally are.
Yes Rosie, this is what should be in the school curriculum. What a different place it would be.
Absolutely, for girls and boys.
You make a good point here Kirsten as boys are affected just as much as girls by the pressure to live up to ideals, self-imposed or somebody else’s. To live as our natural selves is like a breath of good, clean fresh air.
Fully agree – for boys and girls, and every man and women too- how wonderful when we can just be our true selves.
I agree Shevon and Kirsten, there is a pressure for both boys and girls to live up to certain role models or ideal and beliefs of how we should be as either gender.
One day Rosie this will happen. In fact, it’s started already, there are many families already bringing up their children this way, just being themselves. Once this gathers momentum, then by their example, everyone will feel it, and what a wonderful world that would be.
Exactly the momentum just needs to filter through and it’s just matter of time.
Absolutely Sandra there are people who are starting to make changes to their lives and raise children who also know them selves before they learn what society wants them to be.
This is so amazing Hannah – I love this: “there are People who are starting to make changes to their lives and raise children who also know them selves before they learn what Society wants them to be.”
A wonderful and joyful world it will be. Returning to our natural designed way of being and letting go of all the stress, ideals and belief it will be a very different world to live in indeed.
Yes, Rosie, it would be great. And it is getting better already because you and other women start realizing the falseness of those pictures, ideals and beliefs, start sharing, talking about it. It might be that the next generation of women will be different, being more connected to themselves, knowing more about intimacy and about how to be a woman-in relationship with a partner or with herself- because of your expression.
Thanks Elena, it really does make a difference when we speak up, share our realisations and inspire each other.. even when we speak up and get it wrong so to speak, as it gives us the perfect opportunity to learn so there in no wrong afterall… just forever learning.
Wow such a good topic Rosie, so very much the stuff I too have been working through letting go of, bit by bit. I was single for 5 years, then came into a full relationship again and realised that all the unresolved issues I had around, well, everything really about relationships and myself, just came up to be worked on and as you say, I just kept seeing what wasn’t me, just that I had taken on. I still work with these ideals to a degree, but bit by bit I see and release them. Thank you.
And whether one has an understanding, committed partner who does not run away and allows for the awareness and the letting go of all those ideals, or one does it on our own being single, it is certainly something to look at and gradually allow to leave as it does not belong to the true yummy woman that I am.
I agree Rosie and this can be reality if women of all ages right now make the changes so that there will be more and more true role models for the next generations, and so that we do not impose our own ideals and beliefs on young girls as mothers, aunties, teachers, grandmothers etc. We can make a huge difference right now just by changing our own way of being, as you have Rosie.
This gives me goosebumps, the power in all of us being our true selves and role modelling that! oh yeah!
Yes, I too feel the power in this. Being the real me and not the made up version – I can feel a huge weight drop from my body as I type this. There is simply no trying in this, but at the same time has the potential to be deeply inspiring and transformative for other women by observing this way of being with ourselves. True role modelling.
Absolutely Rosie, there is much power when we claim ourselves and live the natural woman with in.
Yes Carolien those impositions are key to letting go of what is not us and as you say if we start with ourselves and just allow ourselves to be this is a great reflection for the young and it feels amazing.
I have only recently caught a glimpse of the natural power that is within every woman; I think if I was able to see a woman’s full power, I would not be able to comprehend what I was seeing, such is the magnitude of her power.
I am loving reading all of these comments about true role models and about you all – very gorgeous and powerful women.
That would be awesome Rosie, to just be ourselves and be accepted as that is my idea of heaven.
Yes what a wonderful world and we can, I can live today when I choose to accept myself as I am, in all my beauty and glory.
‘We are enough just as we are’. What a short title phrase, and yet oh my, what power. I am contemplating how different my life, and the lives of others, would be if this was known and accepted in full, without exception .
Indeed Catherine what very powerful words
Thank you for the gentle reminder that we are enough just as we are
Absolutely Catherine, We are enough just as we are. I am enough just as I am. So are you. This is great to keep visiting!
Yes Shirley- Ann I AM – YOU ARE and EVERYONE is enough!
Absolutely Catherine, “we are enough just as we are”. It is a matter of accepting this within ourselves, to fully claim this and to cut any thoughts that pertain any different and to live in a way that honours that we are already enough.
This phrase is so Power-FULL. To know and live that we are indeed all that we need to be and nothing else is wanted or needed is such a freeing acceptance.
Rosie this is exactly what is missing in our up bringings and today nearly 40yrs old I still see this creeping in and having a control over me. Accepting that I am enough is key to letting this go.
Rosie this is perfect and timely for me right now.
What is perfect Kelly? What have you discovered? Share.. you may inspire us all.
Yes Rosie its crazy to twist and morph ourselves into people we think we need to be when we are in a relationship not even with others around us but our own relationship with us too. I feel a real sense of freedom and so much joy to know that to be ourselves is the best gift we can give.
Yes, it is the best gift we can give to ourselves and to others – to just be ourselves. I love being around people who have claimed this for themselves. They are solid and a joy to be around.
The constant reminder that ‘I am never enough’ only seems to really bite me when I am invested in a certain relationship or outcome. Then I can use a certain picture, strategy or doing to try and ensure that I can get it or keep it. As soon as the comparison kicks in in this process I am now longer connected to my true essence as a woman and in the struggle of life.
Great point Jenny, it does expose our investment in something outside of us… I will ponder that today.
Yes, very true…. those nasty expectations and ideals and beliefs again!
Superb post Rosie and I have found this too Jenny – my attachment to certain relationships and outcomes has been behind many of my behaviours that are both demeaning and dishonouring of the woman I am . When I looked at what was underneath and driving the attachment I realised I was rejecting myself before any man could reject me. I also found it empowering to consider there is nothing a man can give me that I can’t give myself, this helps to loosen the hold the attachment has over me and made me more available for me to be me. As you say Rosie – it is worth exploring the false beliefs that keep us from being our natural lovely selves.
You would reject yourself before any man would reject you is a strong and powerful statement…. which I feel that I can do with any relationship. Not so much these days, but it still does happen.
You speak such relatable honesty Deanne when you share: “I was rejecting myself before any man could reject me”, and so too the truth of the reverse when it comes to love, and why when the love of self precedes, it gorgeously returns to infuse relationships.
Yes I totally agree Carmin. It is amazing how Rosie recognises these ideals around being a woman, how she is discarding them and how she knows that it’s all part of the process.
It’s really great that Rosie has written this blog as it helps all of us to see that who we think we are may not be WHO WE ARE. Because we have taken on so many pictures of who and how we should be, we can be blind to even seeing that that’s what’s going on and accept that “That’s just who we are”. It has taken me a long time to even be open to the fact that a lot of the ways I force myself to be – polite, be tough, be nice (just a few), are not honest expressions of how I feel to be in the moment. Reading this blog is a great reminder that when we’re not trying to be anything who we naturally are comes out. We all have that within us and we intrinsically know what it means just to be.
The other thing I have noticed Shevon is when I’m not being me it takes a lot of effort and causes anxiety in my body and this makes me extremely tired. And I’m extremely tired of not being me!
A friend payed me a huge compliment the other day. I was making a joke about myself and she said ‘you’re just you’. Made me stop and realise that I have (almost) dropped the pretence of trying to be someone I am not.
Love this Mary! True for me too.
Well said Mary, not being me is extremely tiring. Letting go, stopping any trying and not needing anyone to like me, (although sometimes difficult to break this one, I find) makes so much sense and feels a lot better.
I agree Mary, all this trying is just exhausting and from what I’ve witnessed, causes many women to just give up. Which is sad as there is so much beauty each and everyone of us has to share.
Great point Mary. Trying to be something or someone I am not is exhausting. Learning to let go of all the pictures of the ‘ideal’ woman pinned to the inside of my mind and enjoying being who I am is much more fun and more self-loving way to be.
When you write it like that Mary it sounds so ridiculous. When we are not ourselves it feels awful, it is tiring, exhausting and downright uncomfortable. We couldn’t be given more signs that we are not being ourselves. And when we are ourselves there is a loveliness that is felt that says in an instant – that is you.
Shevon I hear you loud and lovingly clear. Allowing ourselves to just be is definitely within us all.
Great reminder Shevon,
When we stop ‘trying’ to be something, our natural selves can come out. I find ironically that this “NOT trying” is one of my biggest challenges!
I appreciate Rosie’s account as it reminds me to keep on the self honesty.
Sometimes it feels to me as if I am in a masquerade, a carnival and I’m trying to be the best, impress others and myself with my disguise. How can I possibly meet others and myself while hiding behind a mask?
What a great way of describing it Patricia! The masquerade.
I completely agree Carmin, the age at which we digest these images, expectations and roles is so young, and can really set us up for a life of striving for a perfection we can never meet and so never being satisfied or feeling fulfilled.
We don’t realise we digest these images and expectations, often at a very young age. A lot of it depends on the environment and the people we are around. As we learn from our environment and create what life should be like in our minds.
I agree Amita from all the experiences we grow up with at home, in school and with friends we create an ideal of what the perfect woman should be without realising all we need to be is ourselves. Crazy.
This is true Carmin. When I first started to reconnect to me and me as a women, it felt tricky because I kept asking ‘What is a true woman?’
I felt like I was in limbo for a while stuck between what and everything I was told and had seen a woman to be and the knowing of what a true woman feels like.
Thank god for the blessing and support of the woman at esoteric women’s group and Natalie Benhayon for the beautiful reflection of true women.
I too have felt this way Johanna – not really knowing what a true woman is for me. But as I am more and more inspired by all the beautiful role models I have in my life, I am starting to understand what it means for me.
Me as well Hannah, both through the reflection of other women living more truly, and through connecting to me as I am naturally. As I am a woman already, I need only be my natural self and I am living a true woman. I love this blog because Rosie is getting in there and exposing another area (relationships) where we stop being our natural self and start trying to fit the picture. I too am unraveling these pictures so that I can let myself breathe again as me.
This ideal of a woman needing to be perfect in everything she does to seek approval, gain recognition, be accepted by others in certain cultures is huge! It puts so much unnecessary burden on ourselves, leading to stress, excess nervous energy, suppressed anger, resentment – highlighting you are “never enough”, as Carmin you have raised.
But if we were taught that we were enough from little just by being ourselves, how different would that little child grow up to be a very confident, empowered, and joyous , tender woman.
Loretta the contrast between the two women you have described is enormous. I know which one I am choosing.
Wouldn’t it be great if we started out knowing we are enough just as we are. That there is no need to be anything else and that there is no need for perfection or comparison, as there is no need to try to be like someone else. Our part, just as we are, is the only part we need to play.
Yes, it is up to us as parents, adults and role models to give this back to our children from a young age, and the truest way to do this is to live it ourselves first. Then they will feel the truth of it as we share it in our words. I am a parent of three amazing children, and I can tell them a million times over, just be yourself – you are enough, more then enough in fact – you are heavenly. And indeed this I do share with them, however they can read every bit of energy in me, and so my focus is to always be working on the depth of love I hold for myself. As this builds, they will then feel the truth in my words, and in me.
Yes, and what I know to be true to me is that if a doctor smokes and drinks and tries to tell me to live in a healthy way, I find it really hard to respect or listen to his advice as he is not a living example. On the other hand, when someone lives it and then shares it, I find it really easy to listen to and digest.
So true, we only need to play our part and then to inspire others to play their part.
It is crazy how as a women we take on so many ideals and beliefs and seeking perfection. How it really deepens that believe of not being good enough. So many of us have got caught in this, I know I have and it has taken over my life for a long time. But now I know the difference and have been able to make choices to free myself from these ideas and beliefs. I no longer seek perfection, how freeing this is.
I agree Amita, when we no longer subscribe to the ideal and belief that we need to be perfect to be accepted and loved by others, this is so liberating. Knowing and feeling that we are enough is so important.