During the planning of our first child, my partner and I spent about eight months developing and deepening our relationship with each other and ourselves, observing our behaviours, patterns and any expectations we had around how things should be or look in our lives, each other, and us as parents. From the conception, throughout the pregnancy and birth we both felt it important to make it all about connection; a willingness to feel what was needed rather than being outcome-driven by any expectations we may have had.
The connection and willingness to listen to and honour my body was not something that happened overnight: it was a forever unfolding and development of myself and how I was in life. This supported me more than anything I could get from Google or books.
With the birth of our child came a whole new download of ideals, beliefs and expectations of how things should be. Observing these as they came up, seeing them for what they were and not something I had felt or was impulsed by, allowed me to let them go and be more in the flow of life. Things still got done but there was a ‘being’ rather than a ‘doing,’ a connection to my body and a feeling, an impulse of what was needed next. With this connection and impulse came a shift in the quality and way I moved and lived in and with that quality the deeper connection to my body and a sense of space unfolded. Time began to stand still: space and flow entered more and more as I let go of the pictures and allowed myself to feel what was truly needed without an imposition on myself or our child.
I had heard of this quality and space spoken of before at Universal Medicine events and presentations, but it all felt so alien and out of reach for me. My body held a quality that was of hardness and tension in this quality I lived, moved and expressed, so I found it impossible to fathom how I could be any different. Moving into a quality that was more a natural state of being took me time. I soon discovered it was achievable, not out of my reach and a lot simpler than I had first thought.
Observing myself in each moment – how I moved, why I made the choices I did, what and how I ate, slept and expressed in – began to bring a quality to my day that no longer felt so out of reach. This new-found body awareness supported me to connect to a quality within that moved me, rather than being moved by pictures and ideals that come from the outside.
With every movement and expression I held a responsibility, a reflection and an opportunity to offer true love and support. If I moved in a way that was to get things done without the awareness of how I was moving, there was no true flow… time always seemed to be against me.
Our child was always more settled when I was living and moving from the awareness and connection to my body. Without the presence and awareness I struggled and so did our child. I was not able to feel what was needed and instead would go into the ‘fix it’ mode, trying to pacify our child with different solutions until I found one that worked. But they were only solutions and never did they truly offer support to our child or me: they offered peace in that moment but not a truth. It was an unsettlement I was already feeling in my own body, so when our child began to cry, it was a further unsettlement I was not prepared or willing to let myself feel. For me to be able to offer our child a truth, I had to be able to feel what was needed, and sometimes that may have been to allow our child to cry and be OK with that.
If I allowed myself to feel all that was being presented and needed from my own connection with myself first, then I could move in a way that supported us both and from those movements there was space and an opportunity for me to offer her what was needed without any attachment or need to fix it. It was from this that I could see there is no struggle, only that which I create through not allowing there to be space.
With being me – connecting to my body, feeling what was next, not having a picture of how that should look or be – came a flow, space and simplicity. I was able to observe life and all that went on around me without reacting. I was beginning to live in and from a quality that was now governed by an alignment to my Soul, letting go of the pictures my wayward spirit that loved to indulge in complication, separation and distraction, held onto. Soul called me to the simplicity, love and connection to myself and all others, which is exactly what children call for – connection and true love.
Our Spirit loves nothing more than to see us in a spin, racing against the clock, living with self-doubt, constant overwhelm and frustration. Let’s face it, for many of us this is how we live, this is how we are in relationships and for the most this is how we parent, this is classified and accepted as ‘normal.’. I made the connection and realised the reflection I was offering was one of two – either true connection or disconnection and discombobulation.
Parenting is not meant to be hard; it is not meant to be overwhelming. Yes, at times, it can be challenging. That challenge comes from our own disconnection and then a call from the child for us to be present, to live and move in and from a quality that is impulsed by our Soul and not run by our Spirit.
We now have three children and with each one, the quality of my movements has deepened, as has my awareness and discernment. From this, how I parent has changed as I am more aware and willing to see the truth of what is going on around me.
Universal Medicine has supported me to deepen my connection with myself, my Soul and God. It is from this that parenting has been a natural unfoldment and development. Without this connection and love for myself, our home, children and relationship would not have the foundation or be what they are today. The level of stillness, harmony, quality and depth in our home is a testimony to how, when we make life about love and connection, true parenting and true living occurs.
By Nicole Serafin, 46, NSW, Australia
Further Reading:
Building true relationships and positive parenting
The Purpose of Parenting
Learning to be in Relationship without Pictures
