I have been reflecting on the false claims reported in 2012 by some journalists on Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine (UniMed) being responsible for the breakup of families. I felt to expose how this is an absolute untruth by sharing a letter and conversation that I had with my husband of 11 years. Marc and I have been together since I was 19, I am now 37.
5 March 2013
I love you.
I know this is unoriginal, a commonly used phrase bandied around by everyone, but now when I say this you can feel the depth and quality of my love that is expressed in these words, and the wholeness they represent. I can see this confirmation in your beautiful eyes – and the way I smile when I say these words to you.
I have always been able to tell you that I love you, but in the past it came with reservation, holding back. I kept a piece of my heart away from you in case you hurt me. When we fought I could console myself in the knowing that you didn’t hurt all of me. The hardness that came with this protection gave me a false bravado that if things didn’t work out and we parted, I would be fine. I would be strong, I would cope and carry on.
This need to protect played out in our relationship with my being hot and cold. One minute I was all over you, the next I was distant, icy and aloof. You stayed. We had fun, we got along, we focussed on the children, we had moments of wow!, but most of all life became dull. I felt something was missing, and that missing was me!
Over time, I have been getting to know the love that is naturally within me. This re-connection began 10 years ago when I started seeing a psychologist and began exposing my hurts. You supported this, even though you had some reservations about what was so wrong that I needed to go. We talked; I explained my feeling that I had to take responsibility for the hurts I had created in my life so I could be all of me, You understood. You supported me to make the choices I needed to heal me.
Marc, you gave me the space to explore what I truly needed, without placing demands on me. As I introduced esoteric healing modalities, and in 2010 began listening to Serge Benhayon’s Esoteric Medicine presentations via audio, there was more acceptance from you.
You also had moments of resistance, but these passed because there was no denying the different quality within me. I was lovely, stable and calm. There was less frustration and less drama. I slowly began making more self-loving choices and this allowed me to feel and express more of me.
The more I lived the deep knowing of me, the more open and accepting you became. You quietly started making more self-loving choices too. The quality of our relationship deepened. I let you in more. I will be honest, there was no perfection as I was still holding back, but not as much as before.
I continued healing my hurts. I attended UniMed courses too. You, my wonderful husband, continued to support me. With time, I began to accept that I am amazing. I began to know how amazing you are too. The more love I allowed myself to feel in me, the more love I felt in you.
I allowed myself to truly feel how your presence is an absolute support for me. How your simply being around, not doing anything but just being there, makes me feel open to being all of me. This feeling is not based on need but an acceptance that true support can occur in relationships.
When I expressed this to you in words you felt it deeply. Tears welled in your eyes, your heart expanded. There was stillness flowing between us and we truthfully discussed how we felt and how we had been. We made love in that conversation and that night we felt how physical union can confirm the love we both equally are. It was amazing. We both felt it. Our relationship evolved to wholeness.
So, my darling Marc I adore you and love you with all my heart. I thank-you for being the amazing man you naturally are. For being open, gentle, fun, committed to our relationship and for allowing yourself to express how you feel. We now have a new marker for our relationship. A foundation built on openness and love which allows me to fully express me. This deepening happened because of both of us equally. I committed to truly healing my hurts which supported me to let go of protection, express true love and all of me. You committed to being open, allowing and real, which has supported you to unfold your own love. You are truly awesome! Thank you for being all of you, it is an absolute blessing to have you in my life.
Here is living proof that with commitment to true love (which I re-connected to because of choosing to feel – and be inspired by – the example provided by Serge Benhayon), relationships can deepen and be about absolute love.
By Bianca Barban, Melbourne, Australia
I wonder why we do this to ourselves?
‘ kept a piece of my heart away from you in case you hurt me. When we fought I could console myself in the knowing that you didn’t hurt all of me. The hardness that came with this protection gave me a false bravado that if things didn’t work out and we parted, I would be fine. I would be strong, I would cope and carry on.’
What is it about the way we are parented and are brought up to not feel the love that resides in us all naturally so that we hold ourselves back and do not express all the love we feel?
“The more love I allowed myself to feel in me, the more love I felt in you.” This is the essence of love.
What a beautiful reflection that whilst love is always there it is ever expanding as we release the hurts that have caused us to live life with layers of protection that prevent us from connecting on a deeper level.
To me, there is nothing like a love story that exudes truth and no emotion — and you can express all of you and not hold back one bit. This line captures it for me “A foundation built on openness and love which allows me to fully express me.”
Our presence is very powerful in many ways, ‘I allowed myself to truly feel how your presence is an absolute support for me. How your simply being around, not doing anything but just being there, makes me feel open to being all of me.’
What a great way to be responsible, ‘I had to take responsibility for the hurts I had created in my life so I could be all of me,’ and then, how that contributed to your lovely changes.
Thank you for loving each of us just as much as you love your husband by sharing your love letter with us. Palpable how healing your hurts opened you up to more love and how we all benefit from this.
Bianca you are an amazing woman, you have steadily healed your hurts to let yourself be all of you and express the love and joy you naturally are. And, you haven’t done that in an isolated way, but allowed your partner into the process of returning to yourself and let your relationship also deepen and evolve as you have. I have to agree that men are truly beautiful and provide so much support, I can relate to this line about Marc “How your simply being around, not doing anything but just being there, makes me feel open to being all of me.”
What is so beautiful about this way of being open to everyone allows the other person to feel supported to feel more of themselves even if it is only in a small way, it chips away at the armour we walk around in.
Open expression like this would change the world as we know it. Having this relationship as a foundation will surely rub off onto all of the authors’ relationships. Thank you for sharing Bianca.
By Universal Medicine I get so much support to heal my hurts standing in between me and my partner which makes space for love.
I was always needy towards men. I was not really opening my heart to them even they were beautiful men.
Universal Medicine showed me how we can unravel the lies which keeps us separated from ourselves and others.
It is inspiring to read this and feel that you didn’t have expectations on the other but allowed the other to be and develop in their own way and time, giving space without imposing your needs on another- that is love.
It is inspiring to read, and I likewise have been inspired by Serge Benhayon in how I live my life and relate with people, ‘living proof that with commitment to true love (which I re-connected to because of choosing to feel – and be inspired by – the example provided by Serge Benhayon), relationships can deepen and be about absolute love.’
Gorgeous that you shared this letter with us all Bianca. It reminds me that our relationships, Love and partnerships are never just for us, but are for everybody. The worst thing we can do is fall into the trap of seeing ourselves as ‘just two people’ and stop at that.
Even if we see ourselves as our immediate family, county or country it’s a trap. There are no divides when it comes to energy, we are the united energy of God. One glorious seem-less mass of Life.
Who doesn’t want a relationship like this? Together in a way that is equal , tender and true. This is what we all crave more than anything. A relationship like this can be because two people have chosen to be the love that they are to the best of their ability, without perfection. Thank you for sharing this with the world. We all need it.
Anyone who reads this incredibly sweet and tender blog can not deny the depth of love that you and your husband have tapped into Bianca. You have set a beautiful marker for how relationships can be when we are open to healing our hurts, loving ourselves fully, and then allowing that connection to spread out with all our relationships.
Wow Bianca, I have tears in my eyes reading this, thank you for sharing the honesty and openness that there is now in your relationship with your husband – deeply inspiring and beautiful.
We are Love we come from Love and when you share as you have Bianca, then as our Love deepens we get to an understanding that Love is also expanding. So Love must be a grander part of the universe that is also forever expanding?
I’m not sure that using a word like ‘love’ or any word for that matter to describe the activity of what love actually is works. The activity and intelligence of love defies description, we simply can’t go there with our language or our comprehension.
Love is so easy to feel and actually simple to connect to. When we let go of any holding onto attachments, beliefs and ideals. Thank you.
So True Danna, love is in the being not the doing, and doing is a package of ‘ideals and beliefs’, which are the things we are looking for as a glorification of what we do rather than who we are in essence and from our essences our Innate Love is simply there for us.
How wonderful , thank you for sharing Bianca.
A beautiful example of how developing a loving relationship with ourselves so we live more of the love we are, is actually healing for all.
This is an open letter of love for all to enjoy and be inspired by, thank you for sharing. We do ourselves and all others a disservice by not showing the love that we are, appreciation is gold.
It is so very special to share all that you are with another in any shape, action or words. Love is love – it binds and holds us together.
This is a very beautiful sharing, Bianca that shows the endless deepening that is at our hands in every relationship we have
Bianca, this is gorgeous, how very lovely to express this to your husband, I love your openness and honesty, this feels like a true and evolving relationship and it is wonderful that you have shared this letter for everyone to read and be inspired by, thank you.
This is a very gorgeous sharing, a quality of relationship that many would want and to have that consistently and ever deepening is inspiring.
Thank you for sharing how you have peeled back the layers of protection and deepened your loving expression with your husband thanks to the inspiration of Serge Benhayon. It is beautiful to feel your appreciation for all that you have uncovered and your joy in sharing it.
Beautiful Bianca thank you for sharing your appreciation for yourself your husband and the relationship you share.
I cannot but feel how fresh and new our relationships can be when we honestly work through the patterns that block us deepening that love for each other – and this blog is an excellent example of this. Thankyou Bianca.
Wow! Now there’s a declaration I believe in! And, I’m comfortable saying that you are one of sooooo many couples that are experiencing true relationship amongst those associated with Universal Medicine. In fact, I’ve been inspired to believe in what’s possible in relationships, by witnessing these relationships become stronger and stronger as each person is willing to let the other in, and drop their hurts and protection.
This is how I too know the relationships of people who are part of Universal Medicine. Yes there have been a few breakups, but possibly less than the average statistics of the wider community. What I see in relationships is a huge deepening and a huge level of responsibility taken – no longer is the partner blamed, the person looks at themselves first.
Communicating so openly is not something that I found easy, this affected every relationship in my life. I am humbled and in deep appreciation of the power of such open, honest and loving communication.
“The hardness that came with this protection gave me a false bravado that if things didn’t work out and we parted, I would be fine. I would be strong, I would cope and carry on.” I could very much relate to this Bianca and how I hold back as a form of protection. This is how I approached most relationships, it was like I had a get out clause if things didn’t work out and that the hardness I allowed would stop me truly feeling and being honest with myself. Sometime it felt easier to move on rather than feel what was really going on, and my part in the failing of any relationship.
With a relationship founded on love, the couple whether they are friends, lovers etc see each other for who they are in essence and this allows for the space for the other to grow. The instant knowing of the essence of my husband was felt when I meet him and this is often what I am aware of when I speak with him. When we hold each other in the knowing of their essence we are able to be more appreciative, understanding and joyful about the relationship. Thank you Universal Medicine for inspiring others to commit to nurture and develop a loving responsible relationship with self first, to then reflect and appreciate others, this is gold what they share with humanity.
If it weren’t for the teachings of Serge Benhayon in regards to taking responsibility for my hurts I would not have the quality of relationships I have today. I would still be angry and in the background blaming or not trusting anyone. These days I am more open and loving with people and I love being with people when I connect to and enjoy being with myself first and foremost.
We hold back in case of getting hurt yet we hurt ourselves deeply in every moment we hold back from expressing love. What I am learning is if the love expressed is rejected that’s ok. I see it for what it is, brush it off and keep on expressing love not allowing another’s rejection to affect me deepening my foundation of self-love.
Thank you Bianca for sharing your love letter to your husband, for many this may be confronting to read, and maybe feels out of reach for others mainly because this is not the norm, and the fact is that so many people are living in relationships guarded and protecting themselves from being hurt – what we need is more examples of what a relationship can look like without the guardedness and having equality within the relationship, which comes through strongly within your words.
Bianca, this is very beautiful to read, thank you for sharing.
Bianca this blog couldn’t have come at a more perfect time for me. This statement bought it home to me in how much I haven’t appreciated what my partner has brought to our relationship.
‘allowed myself to truly feel how your presence is an absolute support for me. How your simply being around, not doing anything but just being there, makes me feel open to being all of me’
Thank you for this gem, I had tears when I read this, truly felt from soul deep.
The bravado is nothing but an illusion; a feeling that all will be well but in truth is nothing but a coping strategy to protect and harden ourselves from not wanting to feel the truth and deal with hurts that arise in the body; we are graced with partners that truly support us to evolve.
Beautiful testimony of love, very inspiring to read and feel that a relationship can be about true love. Thank you Bianca.
Thank you Bianca for a beautifully honest sharing, when we choose to heal our hurts the love we naturally are can shine through. ” We talked; I explained my feeling that I had to take responsibility for the hurts I had created in my life so I could be all of me, You understood. You supported me to make the choices I needed to heal me.” I too in my relationship have a very supportive and deeply loving husband who is very supportive with my enfolding allowing our relationship to go deeper.
Just gorgeous, thank you for sharing the intimate love letter. It supports us all to consider the protection and walls we can have up in the most intimate relationships. Letting go of these is a very deep healing.
Beautiful and inspiring Bianca. Great to see these sharing so that we can know what is possible in relationships.
Bianca – thank you for sharing this intimate and honest letter that you have written to your husband. I am finding this to be true in my life – the more love I feel and honour within me, brings the opportunity to share this with others and feel the depth in their qualities equally so.
“The more love I allowed myself to feel in me, the more love I felt in you”.
Thank you Bianca for sharing how building your self-love has opened up a deeper love for others.
What a gorgeous heart felt sharing Bianca, you are living proof of how powerful and life changing it is to heal your hurts, and the knock on effect this has had on your husband.
I am not sure why we have a tendency to accept something as true just because it is published in the newspaper. Interestingly, despite the notoriety of journalism world wide, Wikipedia itself has chosen to go against the grain of what is considered to be true diligent research and accept something as fact if one can quote a journalistic publication as their source. Go figure…
“I allowed myself to truly feel how your presence is an absolute support for me. How your simply being around, not doing anything but just being there, makes me feel open to being all of me. This feeling is not based on need but an acceptance that true support can occur in relationships.” This has opened up something within me and I feel myself surrendering into the support I have within my life.
Truly beautiful to read Bianca, thank you for sharing. It shows that committing to each other is not about doing the exact same thing but that there might be other things for each partner to work on to make the relationship grow and flourish together. So it shows the importance of seeing the others commitment to the relationship even if they express that differently than we ourselves would.
Bianca, thank you for sharing this very intimate letter, it is beautifull to hear how your relationship has deepened and gosh you have been together 18 years and are still writing love letters this is adorable. I agree, true Love is about giving another the space so they can be and feel all that they are .. having the space to evolve.
Simply gorgeous Bianca, expressing true love to your husband, healing our hurts is so important for all our relationships, it is us being responsible.
Wow, that’s one true love letter right there Bianca! Beautiful to read how you lovingly complement each other and support each other in everything.
Lovely to have the opportunity to read such an open expression of love from a woman to a man. When the focus is on being more love and truth, where there is an opening for this to be lived in a relationship, the relationship goes from strength to strength. When more love is brought to a relationship it will show the cracks that are not love then the choice is there to close the cracks with love or there is an unwillingness to do so and decisions can be made. This is a gorgeous example of what is possible.
Thank you Bianca. I often hear about relationships that start off great then fall by the wayside when life gets too much, your story shows that this is not our natural way and it makes absolute sense that relationships can deepen and evolve if the people in those relationships are choosing evolution.
What a gift The Way of the Livingness teachings have been to relationships everywhere! The simplicity of understanding why they do and don’t work. How we hold each other to ransom for hurts that may, or may even not, be related to the person we are having the relationship with. Thank you for sharing this love letter, very touching.
Just stunning – a beautiful expression of love deepening and expanding that blesses all who read it.
Thank you Bianca for sharing how Universal Medicine has supported you and your husband to deepen the love you share. I have followed the same path of choosing to heal the hurt I carry from my past, and to focus on self love which builds my connection to the love I am in essence. This has meant that I am much more calm and stable and more able to express my love, which has really strengthened my relationship. Your blog has also given me a moment to look back to before my involvement with Universal Medicine and compare to now and see how much there is to appreciate regarding the the very positive changes to my relationship.