Am I allowed to say that?
Am I allowed to eat this?
Am I allowed to not want to eat this?
Am I allowed to wear these clothes today?
Am I allowed to talk to men like that?
Am I allowed to get excited?
Am I allowed to do this?
Am I allowed to be comfortable?
Am I allowed to dance this way?
Am I allowed to want to do this?
Am I allowed to show affection to one person and not the other?
Am I allowed to look smoking hot?
Am I allowed to not want to drink that?
Am I allowed to in-joy this?
Am I allowed to go to bed early?
There are a lot of “Am I allowed to’s” there Emily… why?
Well, you see… I’m scared if I open my mouth or do something, I might cause a reaction from someone.
So?…
Well then, they might be upset or not as happy as they were before.
And is that your problem?
Well, no, it’s not really… not if I was just being me.
So why the “Am I allowed to’s?”
Well, it’s a question of “Will I hurt someone if I do that?”
So you’re saying, someone else should give you the permission for something you want to do, according to what mood they are in that day?
Erm, well, yea, I guess I am…
Now that just doesn’t make sense, does it?
No, no it doesn’t.
Am I allowed to be this way?
And what way is that?
Me… happy, sad, excited, showing it all, whilst being responsible, regardless of what people are going to think…
Well, I’d say so.
Yea… I’d say so too.
Am I able to care for myself?
Am I able to BE myself?
Am I able to love myself?
Now there’s “able’s”?
Yea, because now it’s up to me to make the decision… and my capability at being amazing.
And how is that capability?
I’d say it’s pretty darn good.
True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’.
True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.
I have been thinking a lot about my “allowed to’s” lately and have found that I calibrate what or basically who I am going to be depending on who I am around, so as to not ‘disturb the peace’. This probably isn’t an unusual thing; I’m guessing we all have “Thought Monsters” running around in our head saying what we can and can’t do. Don’t get me wrong, there are some things I definitely can’t do – but I don’t feel limited by these things when I make the choices to not do them, I feel confident and content with these choices.
It’s when there’s that pulling away from my initial response, that moment where it was there, where I had the chance and then it slipped away sort of thing…. I am learning to minimise these moments: if I feel like saying this or doing that, I will try my best to do it, and try my best to stay me regardless if it shakes anyone a bit.
Then with the realisation of these ‘Thought Monsters’ there has also been the trying to sort out the ‘Thought Monsters’ from the true thoughts. There is a difference here because the true thoughts don’t feel like monsters to me when I have them – there is no drive or push or fear behind them like the Thought Monsters have, just an openness, respect and realisation. Like me saying, “I shouldn’t be eating this piece of cake right now” is a true thought… what told me to eat this piece of cake was the plain old Thought Monster.
And then there’s the “Why am I eating this piece of cake?” which is actually a true thought, ‘cause it’s asking for a reason and a realisation that something is not quite right.
And then there’s the lack of self-worth for eating the cake and feeling crap about myself – thoughts like “I’m going to get fat” or “I’ll look like a cake myself soon”… Those, my friends, are the Thought Monsters.
But then there is a catch there too, because my feeling this is showing me that obviously eating the cake caused me to feel not very good, and due to not feeling good I can see that the choice I made wasn’t right for me.
So, instead of bashing myself, I’m realising why (in most cases it’s ‘cause I feel alone, or tired, or want to bury some feeling beneath a big pile of cake), then I’m accepting my choice and moving on.
“Okay… cool, I’m actually not fat, I just feel crappy because of the choices I made.”
The ‘why’ sometimes doesn’t even matter, I don’t need a reason, just acceptance, and as long as there’s an “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”, I’m taking responsibility for me.
Or even if there is just a “Yea okay, I feel crap… I did it again”, that’s all good too… we all slip up sometimes.
By Emily Newman, Mirani, Qld
Emily I found this to be true
‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’
So many of us are hopeless when it comes to self care and self love as it is not something we have been taught and was denied to us when we were young. I’m learning to love myself and to trust what I can feel in my body is true and not to be over ruled by my mind. Realizing that I do not think so that all the thoughts I have ever had were not mine to begin with has been a revelation in itself because if they are not my thoughts why am I bashing myself up and giving myself a hard time it makes no sense.
The sooner we catch the crap then it has less time to taint our lives and eventually like the Matrix we learn to avoid them as we feel them coming.
I so recognise this
‘So you’re saying, someone else should give you the permission for something you want to do, according to what mood they are in that day?’
The answer as a child would be yes because the adult in the family had the then power to make life miserable or not based entirely on their mood, it was a horrible way to exist.
This opens up a great conversation Emily, what were we’e thinking about on the way to shop or refrigerator before we’e took the cake out and started to eat it, so maybe a step back and feel the energy we’e are walking in and by re-imprinting our walks the food thing will pale into insignificance, as the amazing-ness of who we are will prevail over eating our cake?
Emily this is a great blog because we do have some very negative thoughts that we bash ourselves up with. I have been feeling into this and can feel that there is a part of me that wants to trash my body by eating sugar that will race me so that I cannot feel how sensitive I am to the outside world. If I lose my sensitivity I have lost my connection to the universe which to me is the most important thing in the world. Being able to feel the vastness and stillness of the universe is the wonder that resides in all of us. However many cannot feel this including me until recently because of the way we live our lives devoid of our sensitivity.
I used to question all the time was I allowed to think this or that speak this or not = so draining. Now more then ever I listen to my body then I know what is true or which is not = far less confusion.
We often treat negative thoughts as a primary problem, but if the quality of our movements eradicates them, then it’s possible the quality of our movements is also what lets negative thoughts in.
Emily I liked your list of “Am I allowed to’s…?”, as it really highlights how often we can be unsure of what we are choosing for ourselves, and we want to feel safe first that others won’t react. I notice for me when I am in the authority of my own love the purpose is greater, I may know there will be reactions but the reflection I hold from how I live offers something amazing for others.
Acceptance and deep appreciation of oneself is the biggest healings we can give to ourselves.
This waiting for someone to give us permission is a classic reason why so many hold back what they have to offer the world. Time to live ourselves in full because then we will have, at the very least, been honouring of yourself.
Eating cake has slow lost it momentum and is drifting off my radar as the feeling it leaves me in does not and has not felt true in my body as you have shared Emily, it is a crappy feeling.
“The true thoughts don’t feel like monsters to me when I have them – there is no drive or push or fear behind them like the Thought Monsters have, just an openness, respect and realisation.” This is a very useful differentiation between those thoughts that are there to sabotage and derail us from expressing the power and grace of our true essence.
Beautiful when we are able to just be who we are.
Those thought monsters can drive us crazy if we don’t see them for what they are – interference. The other day I was struggling with some coursework for college and I knew that the task was simple but I just couldn’t get past this one point and the thoughts were ‘it’s too hard, I should give up’ and this went on for some time until I stopped to check what was really going on. After doing some Sacred Movement and feeling into what was going on (basically choosing to struggle and make things complicated) I felt very clear and instantly could see past the point I was stuck on. The giving up thoughts went and I was able to continue.
Truth and humour – an awe-some combination!
“True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’.” And as you continue its not something anyone else can give you. But it takes feeling safe in ones own skin to be able to love oneself and feel confident to do so. Thus parenting our children to be self assured and loving – with everyone – is key.
I hadn’t really considered that self love was something we needed confidence to do, but I suspect there is something in that as so many find it a big step.
Letting go of those negative thoughts in favour of building a deep love and care for self, ‘True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’.’
This just goes to show how we stunt ourselves with our beliefs of what we can and can’t do. All of this constant chatter just brings in indecisiveness and erodes our self-worth.
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get rid of the thought monsters and thinking that I probably won’t, is probably a thought from the monsters. I am realising more and more how when I eat cake or whatever, it allows the gap for the monsters to run amok but there is that question that needs to be answered and that is what caused the need for the cake in the first place?
I know those self judging thoughts quite well Emily, and when I am doing that I find I then want to go further into the fix it mode, getting more caught up in the mind, when as you say I can honestly accept that I made a choice that was not from love and in that acceptance a learning can be possible instead of the trap of judging and self bashing that goes on in the mind.
A joy to re read your blog and the playfullness of your writing, ‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’ Yes this can only come from within and from the loving relationship you have build with yourself and your body, this also brings a natural confidence which gives the Thoughtmonsters less space to do their thing instead you doing your thing.
‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’ Yes and it is a great way to live with ourselves, the confidence that comes from our connection with the love inside our body. The more accept and appreciate what we bring the less space there is for the Thoughtmonsters to ‘take over’.
It is really a little back to front, why are we seeking permission or judging ourselves against outside standards to be ourselves?
How many times can we run with scenarios in our head that may never happen and only serve to wind ourselves up in the process and then feel down about everything? Then when we clock it and acknowledge the thoughts are nonsense you can really feel at that moment how much time has been wasted thinking about things that may never happen and the effect this has on the body – it’s just not worth it.
It is lovely to explore how we are different with different people because I find there is layers and it is also becoming so normal to be a certain way after a while that we then don’t realize it is actually not how we would naturally be and express. The exploration offers a lot of space for change, because as long as we are not aware of it we cannot change it.
Observing how we relate to different people is so interesting. When we clock how different we are with different people, that’s the first step to change.
“Am I allowed to”…. how exhausting! But what is most revealing is that we are knowingly choosing to be less and give our power away
Yes Joshua, it is exhausting to constantly ask for permission when we know what to do at each time just by simply asking ourselves: How does it feel?
Love your self love approach Emily. Self judgement affects us way more than any cake ever could.
Emily, this is a beautiful confirmation of how far you have come in re-turning back to the truth of your innermost essence. I love the play-fyll-ness of your conversation about the ‘Though Monster” and how we can clamp down on our expression when at the mercy of this.
Out the jealous misery police will be along any time now to arrest you – but they better watch out for your joy will end up arresting them.
Yes, and the key when the knowing leaves us is to come back to connecting.
This is a beautiful confirmation of your self, Emily. Thank you.
“I’m scared if I open my mouth or do something, I might cause a reaction from someone.” This has been such a huge one for me, and for many others I know. We don’t want to upset anyone so instead of speaking the truth we dilute it with a little bit, or a lot, of niceness. Well I’ve discovered there’s no true purpose in being nice, as it is really a form of lying and doesn’t serve anyone. The truth will probably come out in the end, so why not bring it out at the beginning?
Yes and whenever anyone holds back the truth from me I get this nagging feeling that something isn’t right, so the situation or conversation is never really complete.
“True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am” Such wise words – if we all get this we put an end to war.
Wonderful Emily, thank you for this. Learning how to be in life and to not absorb the reactions or conditions of others is a wise and soul-full path, because by not taking on and conforming to the needs of others there is a great potential for all of us to be equal.
Indeed so playfully posed Emily, how much do we give ourselves the permission to be fully who we truly are and live that for all so see?
Transforming the ‘am I allowed to’ into ‘am I able to’ is a great re-focusing, away from giving one’s power away through permission-seeking, towards claiming it back by giving ourselves permission and offering ourselves the opportunity to expand and fulfil our potential. Are we able to let go of the need to seek others’ approval, and absolutely love and cherish ourselves, to the max and in every moment?
Giving ourselves permission to be ourselves can be a seemingly daunting task when the whole world, it would seem is shaping us to be otherwise.
“True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’” Those thought monsters are really annoying they can pop up anywhere, I find connecting to my body and moving with presence helps me to shake of those little critters.
Sometimes we take those self critiquing thoughts to be the true ones when in fact judgement towards oneself is never true and it is often this judgement that then leads us back into repeating the choices we have judged.
Freedom is something we give ourselves and it has nothing to do with doing ‘whatever we want’ or getting away with things. True freedom comes from the choice to be connected to and impulsed by soul.
I recognize this dialogue Emily, it plays out in a kind of unconscious way. Not wanting to make others uncomfortable or hurt.
But it is my birthright to be just me, the loving open me and It is to let go of worry-ing about others.
Just to give the reflection of joy is the way to go.
‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’ The freedom to make mistakes and to learn and grow, allowing space in our lives to embrace who we are and enjoy.
“The ‘why’ sometimes doesn’t even matter, I don’t need a reason, just acceptance, and as long as there’s an “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”, I’m taking responsibility for me.” – I really love this take on how to handle when we make an unloving choice. It keeps things light and avoids the even worse scenario of self-bashing or the super heady ‘why did I do that’ which I am notorious for getting into a drive to find out.
Is it possible that our movements dictate our thoughts well before we have any kind of thinking? So then it is the energy we move in that will allow us to have thoughts? Then moving with divine connection aligns us to an energy that will keep our thoughts simple with no images of how we or others should be.
This reflects beautifully how underneath all the chatter of the mind resides and clear and steady knowing of what is true, the truth of our Soul, that which is always implusing us to be moved by this truth. The more we say ‘yes’ to this quality the more we build a marker in the body that we can be guided by. The mind can be very deceptive, devious and manipulative yet holds no power over the truth of our body. Developing a loving and honouring relationship with our body is priceless.
Love the light heartedness here Emily! Purely and so gorgeously breaks down the illusions of right and wrong as it all comes back to what is or is not loving.
Our thoughts can lead us in two directions – to doubt, to compare with others, to not care, cherish or to value ourselves, or we can use our thoughts to deeply care, value and respect who we are. The difference is in how we treat ourselves in all the in-between moments, and whether we choose to make these moments loving, or if we choose something else. Could it be our choice how we use our thoughts – to build or to destroy?
Its incredible how much we measure ourselves with the outside, what we can and can’t do, can and can’t be, rather than having a sense of an anchor within us
A beautiful expansion is in moving in the light that we are. If we miss or lack in living that light within us, we can crave for distractions that makes us feel less of the emptiness we created by not being true.
These calibrating thoughts are a killer when it comes to relating to others in a true way as we are then not being real out of fear of rejection but are actually increasing the likelihood of being rejected because the other person can feel the lack of authenticity.
Thought Monsters to True Freedom – all in one amazing blog. Thank you Emily!
The greatest horrors in this world are not inflicted as we think by vicious words (although these are obscene) but by us holding back what we feel. The self doubt we go into is poisonous to our being, and these unsaid words wreck havoc on others too. Thank you Emily for the reminder to honour what we feel. We are allowed.
‘True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am’, Pure Gold.
Accepting our choices is a game changer because we become honest over those choices we made that made us feel crap, and can get to feel the why behind the poor choice, for example being over tired, feeling insecure, lacking in self-worth etc etc, or simply we have been absorbing other’s emotional baggage…. Accepting that we all have the power to change our lives.
Emily, I loved how you kept it simple and then expanded into it. It’s a big subject and one that since I became a student of life it’s a very joyful experience to catch a lame contracted thought that I have allowed in to run for aeons. These days it seems I constantly feel like I’m constantly repeating the same thoughts – I am. The trick is what has worked and expanded me in my body needs to be more sophisticated along the same lines. If I know it works I will positively use it again. Eg. Give myself some loving nurturing space to allow me to deal with it and feel before I react and give it power.
Love that Rik: Give myself some loving nurturing space to allow me to deal with it and feel before I react and give it power. Lately I have been choosing not to react ( an old pattern of mine) but I just realised by reacting I give it more power… thankyou for that little gem! But I Now also have the awareness that whatever life presents to me, I am more than enough to deal with it as long as i don’t react.
Emily, I so relate to both what you shared in how you would always ask “am I allowed to be this, say this, do this etc..” and also the changes that take place when you are able to claim and embrace all that you are and your full expression of what you feel to express and say or do or wear in that next moment.
Looking outside of ourselves for answers will never lead to contentment. We have to feel for ourselves what is true and what isn’t, just as you have shown us how to do here Emily.
I really enjoyed reading this as it supported me to reflect on how I often operate, which is often judging how others feel and then adapting myself to fit in with this. It is quite exposing to start to feel the extent to which I do this.
Its great to expose this and show how often we can change or measure what we do based on how it looks or will be viewed by others. I don’t think we are aware of the degree to which we do this.
Wondering if we are allowed to do something – apart from the practical side of not jumping a red light or similar – can be a very debilitating line of thoughts.
This is wisdom of the ages:
True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’.
We seek so much outside of ourselves, to escape, and savour the taste of freedom while the prison we create for ourselves remains. The freedom we seek is an inward movement and it is the glory of expressing this claiming that is then what we share with everyone else.
“The ‘why’ sometimes doesn’t even matter, I don’t need a reason, just acceptance, and as long as there’s an “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”, I’m taking responsibility for me.” Its all about taking responsibility and learning from the choices we have made.
A great sharing Emily. I t comes back to us all taking responsibility in the end for what we do and eat etc. No need to give ourselves a hard time but as you say we learn from our not so wise decisions.
‘Thought Monsters’ is an apt way to describe all those doubting thoughts, but when we give ourselves permission to express from ourselves there is a beauty and openness, even if we slip up sometimes.
Acceptance is very powerful, for when we accept ourselves and where we are at, we can simply say, ‘opps’, not going to do that again, and so we do not go into any form of self-bashing which is toxic in the body. The tension leaves the body when we accept where we are at, which leaves the space to make the next choice one that is self-loving.
There is such a freedom in walking us and accepting ourselves where we are at in that moment, and not worrying about what other people think of us, or do not think of us. For in those moments we do not need anything the outside world has to offer.
True freedom is the freedom to know who you are, to live from an inner connection, to walk in love every day. This is what I have been offered through the work of Universal Medicine.
Heather I agree with what you share, I too have been offerd this true freedom through Universal medicine.
Exposing the naughty ‘thought monsters’ that haunt and try and rule our mind for what they are is the key to reconnecting to ourselves – love it Emily!
The more I am the real me, the more I feel space and openness in my body. Life rejoices around us when We express who we really are.
A light hearted way to keep re-connecting Emily , its all about the will and want to be the full you and having true fun doing so.
And to work through the times where being the full you gets attacked as that is quite normal at the moment.
“Thought monsters” is a great way to put it, our thoughts can be exceptionally poisonous and create a lot of damage in our lives. It’s a bit like we need “thought police” to discern exactly what thoughts we are letting in and whether they are loving and really serve or are there to destroy us.
I love the light and playful way in which you write Emily, thank you. I have been observing lately how much I hold back and calibrate depending on what is around me and how much fear there can be around speaking up. It is challenging at times to look at but I know there is a pot of gold on the other side when we do. The gold of being ourselves.
What a blessing it will be the day we all are who we are and nobody else – each perfect exactly as we are including our imperfections.
I remember many years ago coming up with the thought “feel what you feel not what you think you should feel” and that made life much more simple.
There are no rules in what we should feel but I know I’ve tried very hard to make them to keep myself in complexity.
Great medicine for absolutely anyone “True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am”
Emily what a great example of the mind monster. Confirming that a true thought is the best monster killer on the market.
The wisdom of understanding that true freedom is something we give ourselves through self-care and self-love is epic.
I love the synchronicity of coming back to your awesome blog today as my “Thought Monsters” rolled into town yesterday and had an absolute ball playing with me until I ‘woke up’ to what was going on and eventually sent them packing. I was rather stunned at their arrival but there was no self beating just a choice to stay with me, be present with each movement and to know that in every moment I was only ever one choice away from closing the door on them!
It is indeed a monstrous influence, that would have us live and express as less than the true and lovely grandness that we are…
Well said Emily Newman.
Yes, and such a wasteful one.
Cookie monsters could be food for thought as they usually hide in in a jar and like a genie they come out when you are rubbed the right way, which is usually part of our movements that distracts us from being responsible to the best of our ability. So maybe if we rub everything in an anti-clockwise direction the cookie will stay in the jar so we get to move and express the truth of who we are as Sons of God.
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself” a freedom to be who you truly are and the wisdom in knowing who you are and the true purpose in every choice to returning to the true love we are all returning to.
The old ‘Thought Monster’ never gives up so it is fantastic once it has become exposed for what it is. We all have ‘Thought monsters’ lurking but what you are sharing Emily is that by being present when they pop in, you are ready to call it out and choose to be honest and loving with yourself instead.
My thought monsters have a great time when I go into my head about what I have to do for the day, it then becomes a choice for me to stop feel my body and become present with what I am doing in the moment, the thought monster is then banished.
So true Emily, we all do slip up sometimes. The questions you pose throughout your blog are awesome, giving us wonderful opportunities to reflect and to take responsibility for the choices we make.
I love the way you so playfully expose the extent to which we can single-handedly handicap ourselves and thwart our own growth and expression. Those ‘thought monsters’ certainly have to go.
Love this. Such an open and revealing blog how most of us are under so much pressure from giving energy to the what is not. Acceptance and appreciation of what we are and then those voices get a lot quieter.
Love the way you’ve written this blog Emily, it is not a big deal to stuff some things up. But it is our way of being with our issues is what counts. We are all having a beautiful way of being ourselves, allowing this is freeing us up.
When we self-care, self-love and express ourselves, it really does keep those thought monsters at bay. I have the thought monsters creep in and ruin my day still too often, and so often when I see how and why they have come in, it is so laughable as more often than not it is all nothing that I have fallen for again, so it is just dust myself off scrape the egg from my face and keep on heading down the old true path once again.
This morning I had a barrage of ‘should’s’ and ‘shouldn’t do’s’ flooding my thoughts. But what I am learning, although I’ve heard it many times I now feel I am putting it more into practice, is that how I move is what lets those monsters come in. If I choose to not hold myself high, standing tall and allowing myself to feel awesome then I am standing slightly shorter and my chest is caved in. In that cave in the negativity finds a place to roost but it only has a home while I continue to move that way. Change how I move, move according to how I feel and there is no home for these negative thoughts.
A gorgeous playful expose of the impact of our limiting thoughts and the freedom when we choose to be conscious of them. ‘Thought Monsters’… I love how apt the description is.
true freedom is indeed a gift that we can only give ourselves… And in this wise saying lies a doorway to connection that humanity hungers for
I know I use the thought monsters to set myself up to not be the amazing woman I am, to make my life complicated and about me, instead of the purpose there is to life, to live my love and reflect this responsibility to all I meet.
There are not only the “Allowed to’s,” but also the “I should’s,” and the “I would’s,” that also come to me too. When these little thoughts come to mind it offers me a great opportunity to pause and to feel my movements in that moment. Wether it be holding a pen or sitting on a train, every moment offers us something new and there is no denying the power in the bodies connection and how we move from there. There is no perfection either only the opportunity to observe and watch our awareness grow.
Just as true freedom is not something that someone else can give you, neither is self worth or self esteem something that another can give us. These things come about when we start to make more self loving choices.
The more I give myself permission to express, the more I realise how much there is to explore about our true qualities.
I like your introspection Emily, much better to ask why we do something we know is not good for us, than it ever is to just be hard on ourselves for the doing. That deeper reflection and willingness to be honest can take us to some very amazing understandings, and of course we are much more accepting of ourselves in that process.
Giving ourselves permission to just be ourselves and not worry what everyone thinks of us is very freeing, and this is something that I always admired in others but found it challenging at the same time, with a sort of cringe feeling inside. So it is great to re-read your list after some time and feel how less concerned I am with others agreeing or approving of me.
Loved your expression of the ‘Thought monster’ how we get those tiny little monster thoughts that convince us to make those unloving choices, all the time knowing that we could choose differently the more we manage to not let the ‘Thought monster’ have free run, I have found that connecting to the stillness within helps keeps the ‘thought monster’ at bay.
I love this analogy you have used of the thought monsters- I am going to use this this week and see how I go at calling out true thoughts and ‘thought monsters’. Thanks for your sharing.
This is a fun read Emily, it helps to have a light-hearted approach. Great to shine the light on those little thought monsters… the light of love. Expressing from all we are is our natural way.
Awesome to come back to this deeply supportive blog this morning and appreciate that the Thought Monsters are receding in my life the more I commit to loving and caring for myself and recognising that I have a choice to just says Oops rather than go down the route of beating myself up for a ‘mistake’.
Well said Helen as a light-hearted oops just diffuses a situation as opposed to the erosion of ourselves from the beat-up mentality.
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” This makes sense but it is not something we are not taught from young but it makes such a difference to how we see ourselves and ultimately what we allow and accept into our lives.
I totally agree, our thoughts can get us into such a complicated mess, but living life through feeling and sensing what is needed is super simple.
I wonder what decisions we would make for ourselves if we had no idea what other people were choosing, or what was the ‘correct’ or ‘normal’ thing to be doing. Your blog has made me wonder how much of life we have been conditioned to be a certain way, and how much we are freely able to choose to be authentically who we are.
‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care’ This freedom makes us feel spacious, open and light and the connects us with what is true or not.
Awesome blog Emily; such a beautiful example of taking responsibility for our choices with acceptance, self love and without judgement. A beautiful reminder, thank you.
So great to expose the ‘Thought Monster’ as it is a sneaky, relentless Monster that resides in us all. By building awareness of it sinister ways we can build more loving choices and take more responsibility for the way in which we deeply care for ourselves – Thanks Emily.
I know only to well ‘thought monsters’ and how they can run a riot, the only way we can get rid of them is accepting and appreciating ourselves, with real self love thought monsters have nowhere to hide.
I love the way you write here Emily, so free and unrestrained just like the attitude you describe. We so often flit between focussing on what others think or cutting them out like they don’t exist – how beautiful that there is another way. When you offer yourself unconditional Love, there is no wrong, no right, no bad or good or reason to fight – just learning and wisdom to bring through every day and night. Thank you Emily for sharing the real you, thought monsters and all.
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” Yes, we may try to blame others for our lack of freedom, but taking responsibility for ourselves allows true freedom.
Emily, great to come back to this article, I love the simplicity of what you are sharing here, ‘True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am’, I am learning to do this more and more and this helps keep the thought monsters at bay.
Giving ourselves permission to truly be, and giving ourselves the space for us to feel what is it we want to wear, eat, speak or how do we want to dance, walk, move is very freeing and deeply loving. I have learned and continue to learn so much from Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine. And when we start to honour ourselves and what we feel this reflects to others and gives them permission to do the same ???? I love this ‘True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’.True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’ With regards to food what I have found is if I say I ‘shouldn’t’ be eating this it makes me feel very mental (in the mind) and feels like a form of denial towards myself which doesn’t feel good. If I eat something knowing that it doesn’t truly support me but I am doing it anyway without blame or judgement towards myself and a willingness to see what is going on for me in my lifethe craving for that type of food naturally falls away when its ready to.
As human beings we really can give a lot of our power away to images of how we should be, instead of simply being, loving and accepting our natural selves – warts and all.
I love what you have shared in this blog Emily, thank you. These simple, yet powerful words really resonated with me;
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.”
Thank you Emily for this brilliant reminder that there is far more freedom in being and accepting ourselves than there is in trying to be what we and others think we should be… the latter feels exhausting even just saying it. Being moved by the impulse of our Soul, from our connection to who we are within we have no need to think about or question if it is right or not, as we know and can feel that it is true. As you have shared through developing a loving relationship with ourselves and our bodies we develop a solid relationship with a long lasting ever-present forever friend: our truth.
Emily you make a super important point, there’s no such thing as a bad person, only a bad choice. We are essentially a sum of our choices, and my feeling is we dramatically underestimate how much they shape our lives and how we feel about literally everything.
The power of being ourselves is always going to be greater than any of those crazy thoughts will ever appear to be.
I love this blog exposing the ‘thought monster’, and how we can let it take over our lives. Time to bring back our power, and allow ourselves to be the amazing tender, sensitive, glorious, people we naturally are.
I got really clearly reading this morning how ludicrous it is that we ‘hand over’ responsibility for how much we can bring of ourselves to others. I know it because I do it and now this morning reading your blog and I can see the craziness of it on another level. Nice one Emily – thanks for bringing that to my attention. It’s good to be reminded of some of things we do that are not really supportive.
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” This is so true, it is what you can give yourselves.
This shows the value of developing a relationship with and listening to our body as we can go nuts if we just rely on the thoughts which are not even ours!
Absolutely Nicola, our bodies are very honest.
Having experimented with many persona, taken on many ideals and beliefs, it’s great to come back to my essence, recognising the ‘thought monster’ for what it is, and appreciating my life is presenting choices constantly, with no right or wrong just life presenting what is there to learn from the reflection it presents.
When I see the word ‘allowed’ it’s like we are leaving the decision to something out side of ourselves. Being ‘able’ is a beautiful reclaiming of the power and free will of our each and every choice.
When we allow ourselves to simple ‘be’ ourselves, then everything changes, and we have the opportunity to hit ‘refresh’ on so many patterns in our lives, breaking the old paradigms and establishing much more self-loving rituals.
Our thoughts are purely a consequence of which energy we align to – is to love or is it everything but love!
Well Emily there is only one conclusion from all that… to be your unadulterated, absolutely delightfully gorgeous self, ALWAYS! And if anyone doesn’t like it… DEAL WITH IT!
Great article Emily. I have a sneaky thought monster: ‘it doesn’t matter’ and every time I hear these words in my head I know I am lying because everything matters.
Hello Emily and we are amazing aren’t we, naturally. How can we know exactly how much to say or do so we don’t ‘set another off’. How do we know so precisely and in a detailed way, even before we have arrived at a particular point? We do it with our eyes closed and so just from seeing this you can see how great we are, all of us. As you say, “I have been thinking a lot about my “allowed to’s” lately and have found that I calibrate what or basically who I am going to be depending on who I am around, so as to not ‘disturb the peace’” This is not a guessing game or hit and miss, we know precisely as I said and so our ability to read energy is huge and yet we don’t apparently know this?? Strange?, yes indeed and this world makes no sense. On one hand we can talk about how this is true and in the next moment we can dismiss the same thing. The world of responsibility of how we are is a very quite world, we want what we want, right? There is a world right in front of our face, right under our noses that we live to and yet deny it is there, the world of energy, it’s huge but we can choose to reduce it. After all it’s ‘my’ choice, or is it.
It is gorgeous and deeply empowering that choosing to be, live and embrace being amazing is absolutely up to us and no other.
I really enjoyed reading this again. Those thought monsters are still around with me, but not as alive and kicking as they used to be, and I am not letting them pretend they are me – not as often as I used to. Our joy and the knowing of who we truly are is so much more powerful and grander than them.
Those ‘thought monsters’ are so powerful in holding back our ability to just get on with it. There are so many times that these thoughts can override our decisions or make us doubt that the decisions that we have made may not met everyones ideals but it is true to us. I have noticed the more I ignore the “thought monsters’ the more I need to step up with my responsibility to not ignore the truth that is often swept under the carpet or played down in all aspects of life.
The question of ‘am I allowed to do so’ is coming from the idea that there is a ‘right’ thing to do, isn’t it? And so we try to find out and to control the outcome of our actions. But we will only learn and develop by experiences. This requires ‘mistakes’ – or better called: experience we do not like to repeat. 😉 If we ‘just be’ we will make experiences and we will learn. If we accept this and also that others are going through the same journey, it would be much easier to live together I guess. And more interesting. We do not know what comes out…like an adventure tour called life.
Emily, great to come back to your article, I can feel how I can not say or do things because I’m concerned what people may think, rather than simply just being myself and expressing what feels true, this is changing and I’m noticing how much more at ease I am with myself and others and that I am feeling more consistently the same with everyone rather than different with different people; when I do not express what I feel with fear of a reaction it is very clear and feels very tense in my body.
Our thoughts can certainly cloud how our body feels. We can tend to live in our heads and try to dictate our actions – but it is not about what we are allowed and what we are not allowed – it is more about listening and responding to our bodies – honouring what is needed which will be different every day. It isn’t about beating ourselves up but about experimenting and constantly learning what supports us and what doesn’t.
Coming back to your blog again today Emily – was such fun to read again and getting a reminder where all these thought monsters can lurk – time for another clear out 🙂
A real and honest understanding of thought monsters and what comes from living in our heads and how bashing and taking down this can feel. The opposite is true from our real connection to ourselves deeply and lovingly and the freedom and joy that comes from the consistency of this is beautiful.
I love this Emily – the true thoughts or the thought monsters, having had many of the thought monsters in the past I can totally relate to how unsettling and how much these thoughts can control and affect us. Staying more connected and present has been key to noticing my thoughts and not giving any energy to the more negative ones.
Such honesty Emily, and self acceptance can take us such a long way. I find most of the blockages to achieving what I want comes not from others but from the negative self thoughts that occupy my mind.
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” That is such a wonderful and clear nomination Emily – it is gold and worth it to give it a try . . .
Wow Emily I can really feel the ‘weight’ of those ‘thought monsters’, they are heavy and debilitating. It is so gorgeous that you have found true freedom, what an inspiration you are. I love what you have expressed here;
“True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’.True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care”.
Thought monsters can be quite persistent and really mess with you. Lucky we have our own inbuilt radar that tells us, how we feel is not lovely or supportive to help us redirect ourselves back into breathing our own breath and feeling what is true.
Emily, you’re about 20 years old! It’s beautiful to read you share your wisdom, wisdom I might add that is available to us all, but don’t always choose to live it, listen to it and share it. We hold back the wisdom for fear of rocking the boat. Rock the boat I say…we all need to be shaken up!
‘Or even if there is just a “Yea okay, I feel crap… I did it again”, that’s all good too… we all slip up sometimes.’ This line is so important, and one I am working on daily!! It’s ok to slip up, something we all need reminding of, because we are not perfect and we are forever learning. We all just need to give ourselves a break!
It’s great what you’ve shared Emily about the ‘thought monsters’ being the thoughts that encourage us in the first place to ‘eat the cake’ or make a choice that is unloving for our bodies, but that they also play a role after we’ve eaten the cake to make us feel even worse – through self loathing, self criticism and self bashing. It’s so important that we learn to identify these ‘thought monsters’ and stop the process before it begins – receiving the thought to ‘eat the cake’ and asking ourselves if this is truly a supportive move to make?
The beauty of free will, your allowed to do what ever you like. Thanks, very creative article
I really like this statement –”True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself”. This is so true. We can be prisoners of our thoughts, which really is the worst prison of all. The only way through it all is to re-connect back to ourselves which then impulses us to live in a more loving way, which in turn changes how we think.
There have been many times when I have allowed the ‘Thought Monster’ to dictate my behaviour and how I respond to others and there was a time when I wasn’t consciously aware of this and just thought this was the way things were. I’m now learning to focus on being me, being in my body and allowing ‘me’ to express – from my inner heart instead of my head! I don’t always get it right of course, but am finding it a lot easier to recognise the ‘Thought Monsters’ from the real me…
I love coming back to read this Emily, there tends to be a lot of the ‘am i allowed to’ that can creep in if we allow them to. Those thought monsters (love this) as you call them, are so true and so incredibly destructive is we let them. There is so much to what you have shared in that, it is up to us to deeply feel what we bring each and every day. Loving ourselves to the bone, and then out again.
I always enjoy coming back to this blog. It feels like we may never be free of these thought monsters completely but how we respond to them can change and is up to us to stand up for how we feel and what feels true in our bodies rather than roll over and play small against what can at times be some pretty horrible thoughts. Recently I have felt that those thoughts of expectation of I have to do this and that and run my life to the beat of these thoughts is super exhausting, whereas if I follow the lead of my body that drain doesn’t occur. Thank you Emily.
Thank you Emily! Re reading your words I am recognizing myself in much of your sharing, some things I have come to change over the past few years after learning through Universal Medicine Presentations by Serge Benhayon and many other Practitioners and presenters as well. I have let go of the need (not completely) to try to please others and be all things to all people, and the more I do this the more my life frees up for me to be the real me.
Great advice to simply accept when we make a choice that hasn’t supported us or that didn’t feel right rather than to self-bash and admonish in a way that sends us further into lack of self-worth.
Thank you Emily for a great article, I have had many thought monsters over the years and there are still some lurking around. I too have always been concerned about hurting people and them getting up set, making my self responsible for there reactions. I have since come to more acceptance of me, that I don’t have to do or be anything to be ok, that just being me, is ok and I am ok just being.
Dear Emily,
I read again your blog this morning and can feel myself surrendering even deeper into accepting my bodies rhythm. As of late I have questioned, compared and just down right sabotaged what is truly needed by my body. A great learning and with this clear acceptance a way forward that is in true honour of my body and what I feel is needed, for me.
[…] Related Reading: – Why we don’t let Love in – Communicating with, and Talking to People – No longer Calibrating my Expression – Am I Allowed to be this? Finding a Balance in True Expression […]
Knowing better does not necessarily mean change. It is a deepening relationship with my body and sensitivity to all my choices that bring me to make different ones.
It is just a game we play as we know we are so much more than what our thoughts want us to believe. When we connect and reconnect to our truth which is inside us all, the thought monsters has no chance and we build this connection by staying steady and present in our body. How beautiful it is to live in the knowing we are Sons of God and choose this as our foundation in ourselves.
Your words show clearly Emily that it is not other people at all, or even ourselves, but the ‘thought monsters’ in our head that try to dictate and beat us with these rules. We would never be so harsh and hard, and militant with a young child so why on earth do we deserve to receive this treatment ‘in kind’? The answer is we do not. The thought monsters show their true colour with the quality of their attitude to us and what we should do. No more thought monsters are welcome here with me – thank you!
I really enjoyed re reading your blog Emily, and it was a great reminder to stay present, to know all the answers are in my body, so being connected, accept and appreciate whatever the signs are is key. As I read a few days ago in another blog I realise that I do want to care about myself and any thought that is telling me I don’t care about myself is a ‘thought monster’.
I saw this blog in a whole new light today Emily. I have been aware of just how damaging those ‘thought monsters’ can be over the past week or two. In fact it is my thoughts that hurt me more than the harmful choices I make as the thoughts always come first. This realisation makes me feel determined to let my body lead the way.
The ‘thought monsters’ have certainly had their over supply of air time inside of me over the years! They can be very insistent but at the end of the day, I know that my body won’t settle again until I have banished them and brought myself back to the focus on what I know is true inside of me. Thanks Emily for writing such a widely relevant blog.
Isn’t it amazing how we can make life so complicated especially if we let those thought monsters in? I love the photo that goes with this blog. There is a natural freedom in the expression, one that’s not worried about what effect it’s going to have on anyone else, making them happy or not and yet still full of care.
Emily I understand that in order to ask the question “am I allowed”, it brings a vulnerability through noticing how sensitive we can be to how people react when their expectations are not met. Yes we could bulldoze through life being insensitive but that goes against the grain or knowing harmony and honouring all equally which is so much part of harmony, so we all lose if we take that approach. Being sensitive while giving ourselves permission to ‘be’, or allowing ourselves to live the fullness of love that we are, is a sure step to evolving and showing life that we do not have to play it small.
Hi Emily – I love your sharing and how the ‘Thought Monster’ operates. This ‘Thought Monster’ visits me every day and attempts to make me feel less – sometimes it succeeds and sometimes it doesn’t. How great that you are getting to know the ‘Thought Monster’ so well you can now ‘out it’. Thanks for sharing.
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” Such wise words Emily – Thank you
There is such a wave of disconnection sweeping the world that for someone to be finding themselves in a younger generation, is truly inspirational and needs to be shared.
Those thought monsters are SO UGLY Emily! Giving ourselves permission to be who we are, and not reserving a single bit of that is the best thing in the world!
True freedom is not something someone else can give you because this comes when all the beliefs and ideals are dealt with and not given energy to anymore. then we can be free to simply be.
Emily I love how you have shared about the importance of not being hard on ourselves when we make choices that don’t support us. The opportunity is to start again and continue learn from the experiences.
We use the Thought Monsters to make us small and to sabotage our self worth. When we are present to ourselves we can beat these “monsters” and eventually their appearances are minimal. It is possible!
Thought monsters, I love this Emily, so very relatable to everyone on the planet. It’s so great to be in a place now where the thought monsters are having less and less say, and my inner wise counsel is coming to the fore.
Loved your playful blog Emily, I can relate to your thought monsters, I have recently ousted the one that has told me all my life that I am not ok, that I have to be doing this that or the other to be ok. I now know that I am ok, nothing to fix, but just be me.
Love it Emily, the ‘thought monsters’, you can allow those to take over or build self care and love in one’s body and those thought monsters do not come as often or as nasty. I can vouch for this. The thought monsters used to be frequent visitors, but these days they barely get a look in!!
True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself” True and very wise words indeed Emily. We can all too often use the blame game for our situations we find ourselves in and step away from self responsibility and love, then everyone misses out.
Beautiful Emily, well done for breaking the ice when it comes down to the lies of what we can or can not do and what is right or wrong.. This feels very important, and for sure cutting the self-bashing. I feel it would be great learning how to deal with certain choices we made – just like you suggested it – accepting and understand why so and so move on and take responsibility next. I will take this with me , and I will feel into when this self bashing comes in again to stop choosing to feed it – but to be acceptent instead.
I love your term and description of ‘thought monsters’ Emily and how they undermine and bully us just like the intimidating emotional brutes that they are. It is totally accurate and totally awesome and brings a very different awareness and explanation to what is going on in our head sometimes.
I love the title of this blog and its content too! “Am I allowed to be this?”, is a question I ask in myself more and more. Sometimes it feels like no one wants me to be myself, but I found like you it is not so much about the others it is more about me. I am lessening my amazingness and joy to not feel uncomfortable when it is not met by others. This is a great realisation and really shows me that blaming others never makes sense. Thank you Emily.
I love the honesty you share here Emily. It frees us all to be more honest and how important is that to relationships, our communities, and ourselves. Hang it’s important to all of humanity because everything matters.
‘The ‘why’ sometimes doesn’t even matter, I don’t need a reason, just acceptance, and as long as there’s an “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”, I’m taking responsibility for me.’ Acceptance is so important in being able to start to replace those patterns of thoughts and behaviour in which we can feel trapped. Accepting ourselves in full also brings appreciation for who we are without having to measure up against any ideals from anyone else or ourselves.
Simple clear and true, and inspirational as well, and this article should be in every magazine that talks about diets and weight.
Emily, you have so wonderfully captured the essence of what we all experience, the ‘thought monsters’. They really can have their way with us if we let them. It is sometimes in the knowing what they are and understanding how they like to take us out. This can be liberating in itself, so when they come back (and they do) that we are aware of them, so not to give them any air time in our head. I really loved what you shared, it is a great read and could relate to so much of what you have said.
Gosh, how many of us experience the thought monster day in, day out and believe we are the only ones? One of the things that’s GREAT about your blog Emily is that you speak about true thoughts – letting us know that whatever the ‘thought monster’ says is not true at all.
Each time I read this blog I am inspired by your words. There is so much to celebrate and the pull to constantly continue to be responsible for all the choices we make.
Oh Emily you sound so gorgeous. How cool that you have worked out the Thought Monsters from the real, true and loving thoughts .. And when you slip up you know how to give yourself a break and can stop the Thought Monsters taking over. Awesome!
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself” brilliantly said Emily. The crazy rules we make up to control life do not work. But when we allow ourselves to just be, fall over, make mistakes, we are able to enjoy and savour life and the sweetness of you and me.
I love the way you talk about the ‘thought monsters’ here Emily. We can so easily feel that the thoughts in our head ARE us and that we don’t have control over what thoughts are present in our head. The truth is though, we are not our thoughts. Thoughts pass through our mind and it is through the daily choices we make that we determine what sort of thoughts will be there for us e.g. the ‘eat cake’ thoughts or the ‘don’t eat cake’ thoughts.
Thank you Emily for a great blog, I can so relate to what you have shared, how I have regulated what I say so as to not create waves, peace at any price, and the price I paid was a total denial of me. Over time many of the thought monster thoughts, I have done away with, and when others pop in I can sometimes get caught. It is taking responsibility for myself and my choices, and making them more loving , that is changing my life.
Its even ok not to listen to those thought monsters.
My “thought monsters” are usually full of justifications to have or do something.They can be very persuasive and are generally driven by indulging the individual rather than for the greater good for humanity. “Thought monsters” tend to justify non self responsibility and this is the part that really hurts me when and if I give in to them. I am coming from from head and not my heart -my inner heart. Great sharing, Emily.
What I realize strongly is that the `Thought monsters` play out images in our mind ALL THE TIME!!!
how we or things should be or look like, how we should have said or done things or say or do things in the future…
We get bombarded with possibilities to check out, be not loving etc. and as soon as our awareness drops, it`s so easy for the thought monsters to catch us…
Coming back to this awesome sharing today I am appreciating how my journey in life is bringing about so many beautiful/amazing changes and the biggest one of all is the relationship that I have with myself now and, how “taking responsibility for me” has opened up so many doors that I had closed tightly shut – just waiting to be given permission by someone else to open. The key was held by me. Thank you Emily this blog is an inspirational read.
‘True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’. True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self-love and self-care.’ This is so very true, the ‘thought monsters’ are the factors which limit us in our choices and in our expression – in addition, to me true freedom has also felt like being able to express what I feel to be true from my very centre without reaction or alteration according to those things which may normally try to influence us, whether these are thoughts or factors from the world around us.
It is so true Emily, that our bodies always reflect the quality of choices we make. It is not about perfection but about learning and developing our awareness through our experiences and choosing to be responsible for ourselves.
Having the understanding that we are totally influenced by energy and that we have the responsibility of choosing what will run us literally, is so much more empowering and confirming of our true nature and power, and can help to show us that we are not the choices we have chosen, but we can choose more wisely and truly if we listen to our bodies more and not our minds.
“True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’.”- yes, when I connect to who I truly am- tenderness, love and beauty within, the thought monsters are no longer in control. This is definitely freeing.
I love this line Emily “Yea, because now it’s up to me to make the decision… and my capability at being amazing.” This blows blaming others for us feeling uncomfortable about something completely out of the water. I feel the same often it is easy to go into ‘I can’t do this because of that person doing this’ instead of feeling the truth and that is that I don’t want to feel uncomfortable standing out with what I feel to do. This is also very empowering as I know the choice is in me and not depending on someone else. Yes!
Absolutely Lieke, being gentle with ourselves and taking responsibility for our own choices being the reason that we do things and what happens to us is hugely empowering and also brings much more clarity of thought – getting rid of some of the monsters which like to play in our minds.
I like your article very much, Emily, especially the part with the “cake-monster” as I know it very well. The more there is to feel for me that is uncomfortable the stronger my drive to eat to numb my feelings. When I have eaten, I often have difficulties to accept my choice which makes everything even worse.
I feel that underneath our strong tendency to beat ourselves up there is a big and overall lack of self acceptance that emerges from our choice to not love ourselves to the bone in the first place. If we love ourselves deeply, the question what we are allowed to do or not, will never arise, because we just know what is there to do in every moment.
I loved your light-hearted way of writing about a serious topic Emily. Your awareness about the thought monsters is inspiring, and you have reminded me to be appreciative of everything I have been given to support me to make wise and loving choices about what I eat, what I think, and how I live each day.
Such a great blog Emily, these are questions I am sure many of us ask ourselves frequently. The ‘thought monsters’ that come into play, the comparison, the pressures. We all can so relate, I can so relate!!! But as you have shared it is not giving power to those, not to the thoughts, not to the comparing, but to connect with oneself, that inner voice, that one that only says loving things, that does not say your choices are wrong, but is supportive and loving. They are the ones to listen to.
Great exposure Emily of how our minds keep us from feeling what is going on in our bodies, to stop us feeling what is true for us – a very clever game being played out if we allow the thought monsters to run wild!
I have really appreciated this blog calling out the power we give certain thoughts that create tension, pressure and comparison in life. It seems especially important to call out playing victim and place blame on others or situation when it is our choice to give power to such thoughts in the first place.
Self love and self care really does put those ‘thought monsters’ to bed.
Sometimes I get all caught up in ‘where did that thought come from’? ‘Is it true’? I love what you share Emily: “…..the true thoughts don’t feel like monsters to me when I have them – there is no drive or push or fear behind them like the Thought Monsters have, just an openness, respect and realisation.” Thank you
It’s extraordinary the amount of thoughts that can pass through our minds, so many of them not helpful and even harmful. It is therefore great to appreciate those that don’t condemn us but encourage us to take responsibility for our choices and bring understanding to why we make those that don’t support us to be and feel amazing all of the time.
When a member of a younger generation writes with such insight about what true energetic freedom is, it is an inspirational reflection that it is possible to turn the tide of disconnection which is sweeping through the world.
I lived with lots of these thought monsters for a long time. The fear of disappointing someone was huge and a horrible way to live. I don’t know where it came from but it was debilitating. I am so happy to be recognising these wayward things and to be giving them the flick. Now I welcome true thoughts and welcome feeling how lovely it is when I feel there is no pressure to please anyone.
Emily Newman you are such fun, and this is an expression of great healing at play. Ha hooooo I say it’s time to be me today.
Brilliant question. I am still plagued by ‘Am I allowed to?’! Certainly when it comes to behaviour and expression to others. And I know to be true, that freedom of expression comes from self acceptance and self love.
I feel the same Emma and I agree that self acceptance and self love are key. Thank you for writing this Emily.
Great exposure of our ‘thought monsters’ thank you Emily. Acceptance is key to recognising we do always have a choice in all we do, yes we can choose to listen to our thought monsters or we can accept where it is we’re at and choose love.
I loved the dialogue you started with Emily- I used to also ask myself the question” Am I allowed to do this, and Can I do this”- forever needing acceptance and validation from others that I’m ok and enough. Thankfully, since attending workshops by Serge Benhayon I have re- connected to my inner knowing and now rely on this to give me the answer.
The “thought monsters’ no longer have hold over me as they used to.
Great blog Emily, I have the thought monsters often making excuses why I should do this or that and they really can run riot if I’m not able to stop and consider what is loving to self or not.
I keep coming back to your blog Emily; I love reading the conversation you have with yourself and your honesty around the thought monsters.
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care”
These words hold such a powerful truth for me.
Emily, your blog reminds me on – how easily I can get a bad conscience. Oh, may be I have done something wrong. This type of self-abuse I’m still working on to find out, why I allow self-doubt in me, this doesn’t make sense at all. I’m a son of god as everybody equally.
Recognising the thought monsters and confining them to junk mail is a great way to allow more space for loving expressions for ourselves and all those around us.
Being aware of our ‘Thought Monsters’ and how they play games with us and distract us from the truth is so important. I find if I stop and re connect when I feel my head taking over I can prevent myself getting carried away with negative thoughts and break the pattern of beating myself up over small things.
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care”
I love coming back to this blog; so many ‘gems” to ponder on, so many truths told and so much wisdom expressed.
I love your naming of critical thoughts the thought monsters I am going to teach kids about them, hope your ok with that! We tend to think we have our thought monsters in isolation and no one else is having them, or that they don’t affect anyone but ourselves but all our thoughts can be felt by others it comes through you, how you are, how you are with yourself, others are all affected by your though monsters. Isn’t it great that the antidote is self love and self care, being honest, accepting where your at, being real, not hiding. Time to bring more self care to our everyday.
Living our Truth and accepting ourselves in full leaves not the slightest room for any such troublesome gremlins.
When we walk tall in our own shoes in the knowing of who we are and comfortable in our own skin we will never seek permission to be or to do from the outside – this will not enter our sphere.
We all slip up sometimes – indeed Emily. What an amazing world it would be if we all allowed ourselves to do this without thought monsters getting involved? Your insightful words suggest to me, that if we lived this way we would naturally allow others to slip up too and in the process, dismantle this idea of perfection that has been so trapping us all. See you later thought monsters – lets choose to allow.
Great comment Joseph – allowing offers so much more space than coming down on yourself or another.
Emily, I loved reading this blog. It brought me a deeper awareness into how I fall in with those around me so that I don’t rock the boat. Doing something or speaking up I have found huge for fear of hurting another but I am learning that it is vital that I listen and follow My heart. Sometimes it has not been easy but it is at these times that a loving commitment to my rhythm is essential.
Excellent Emily! Really Enjoyed this. Lately I have been saying those things that previousy I thought I couldn’t say, and it is truly refreshing. Its better to say it than hold back and experience the thought monsters!
Still a work -in progress though. I still find myself wanting to speak up and express something. But what I’m learning is its more about trusting the feeling and expressing from that rather than trying to say the right words.
I completely agree. It is great to let go of the notion of perfection, getting it wrong and ridicule.
Holding back for fear of others judgement, lack of understanding and reaction allows us to fill with thoughts and ways that are not True for we are giving power to the false and all that is outside of our True Wisdom and knowing.
A beautiful reminder to claim who we are in full and accept that slip ups do happen, and when they do, it’s about taking responsibility and then moving on.
“… accept that slip ups do happen… ” – they do and I know it’s obvious but seeing these words written down takes it deeper for me. Although I am getting better I can still find it difficult to accept myself when I make a mistake. For me it’s about reminding myself of truth; through making mistakes I have an opportunity to learn and therefore evolve.
Emily, your words brought tears into my eyes. I feel such an openness and allowance to be me and explore this on a deeper level after reading your blog.
Beautifully put Kerstin, this blog is one of those that really breaks through the consciousness many find themselves caught in, thinking negative or self defeating thoughts about themselves, without really intending or meaning to. Through being able to observe this way of being that is so common, Emily brings it all more out into the open for all of us, so we need not hold onto the belief – “this is who I am”, but instead observe it as just something that I think or do that is not me, and therefore can choose to not think or do it anymore.
Thank you Emily for sharing this great insight, to say yes to being who we are in full is to say no to the monsters , the fiery love that we are even holds the monsters as they melt and fade into the nothingness they came from.
“True freedom is loving the body I’m in” – This needs to be on bumper stickers around the world….
Clocking these little mental processes can help us to evolve, especially when we catch the ones that hold us back, or that are self-bashing. This sentence jumped out at me today: ‘So, instead of bashing myself, I’m realising why (in most cases it’s ‘cause I feel alone, or tired, or want to bury some feeling beneath a big pile of cake), then I’m accepting my choice and moving on.
Isn’t it amazing how much time we can waste with these “Thought Monsters”? Time not spent on appreciating ourselves! And I also found that my choices do effect the kind of thoughts I will have: when I treat myself like trash, my thoughts are trash – when I treat myself with love and respect, my thoughts are a lot more supportive.
I just have to come back at times to your awesome and funny blog Bianca – I just love the way you write and share – and it just gives little tweaks to stay alert to ‘them’ …
Ahh this is great Emily – “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” I’ve been working on this lately…. and noticed that I was waiting for someone to give me permission to take time for me!! Crazy I know but a great one to discover.
This has really made me smile Aimee! “…..and noticed that I was waiting for someone to give me permission to take time for me!! Crazy I know but a great one to discover”.
yes, it is totally crazy, but it is an old hook for women especially – a consciousness that is great to discover and begin to dismantle and deconstruct.
Emily , love the way you playfully presented this blog. I too can relate to dancing around people trying to keep everyone happy at the expense of holding back the true me. Hiding I guess you call it so to protect myself from people reacting to what I have to say. Those monster thoughts helped me with that!. These days they don’t have so much of a hold on me as I am more aware and have the confidence to stop them knowing they are trying to hook me in to behaving in a certain way which is not truly serving myself or others. A number of years ago it was said to me that by not expressing my truth does not allow others to be in their truth. This is powerful and shows the responsibility we all have to others in being our true selves and not holding back with what we are feeling.
Awesome and insight-full blog Emily, it’s amazing, it made so much sense what you said about expressing to others, how we hold back for fear of how the other might react. We hold ourselves so tightly bound, with ideas and beliefs of how we can and can’t be, and yet nobody stops to examine if these are really true.
Emily I feel like I have been in your mind! Hilarious and not all at the same time! Recently I was doing some work with some kids and they were role playing in front of the whole class and I asked them to imagine a speech bubble and filled it with the possible thoughts the child was of “I am so stupid, everyone knows the answer but me” and you could see the relief that they were not the only ones who had thoughts like that about themselves, those thought monsters are more powerful because we think they are personal to us rather than being rather common and not special to us. It’s a choice like you share about being honest and willing to be more loving so the thoughts can then be loving.
Emily what you have written is beautiful. Reading this I could feel that awkwardness in me leave and my level of contraction drop with the thought that hey, someone else has those thought monsters! And the reminder that there will be times I will go into comfort, the importatpnt part is to be aware of it, feel into what it is, and learn from it….part of evolving. Thank you for sharing this in the way you did.
I love the shift Emily from “Am I allowed?” to”am I able?” I read and felt the quality of questions change and that means the quality of connection to the body – being more with the power within that naturally speaks to us through that connection.
I have come back to this blog after quite sometime and realise once again how pertinent it is to me, the old thought monsters are there, ready to pounce at any opportunity if given an inch. Staying connected to myself has never come that easy to me and still wavers majorly from time to time but over all I am learning more and more how important that connection is.
I love this Emily. Those horrific ‘thought monsters’, that have been planted in us like little nasty weeds to fester from the moment someone might have growled at us for shining in our full light — as we might have done when we were little. I was at a Way of the Livingness Presentation yesterday and there was someone playing the drums with unreserved joy coming through them the entire time. why would anyone want to suppress that, to dampen that in another? The thing is, that stamping out of another’s joy and love does happen — we live in a world that is unresolved in the hurts so many of us carry, and in not dealing with them,we get a big ouch seeing another shine in full. Intuit moment, we can choose to be inspired by that, to consider how can we get what they are reflecting, or we can rile up and feel a jealousy that arises us from not having chosen to live this joy ourselves.
The more I understand this, and see this is game we have all been playing, myself included, the more I am saying no to the game and letting my light shine without dimming any part of it. It’s forever an unfolding, there is always more to shine and let out, and always more ‘thought monsters’ to weed out. And it’s a very satisfying and rewarding process!
I just love coming back to this blog, it always serves as a timely reminder when some of these little ‘thought monsters’ try to pop up.
‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care’ This sentence struck me this time when I read your dialogue, certainly something for me to have loving thoughts about.
Great dialogue Emily, highlighting what runs through our heads and a way to approach it with love.
Most of us don’t tend to think (pun intended) that there could be loving and true thoughts just as there can be unloving and destructive thoughts. I know for me that as I have grown up my thoughts have tended to become more and more unloving and destructive at least that is until I met Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine and realised there is a simple and loving way to be that equally supports us to have loving and true thoughts.
I agree Joshua I have had some very horrible thoughts at times and very destructive and suicidal – but these days they are becoming more and more loving and when those thoughts do surface again from time to time I know that they are not me in any way.
Yes i too Joshua have become aware of the quality of my thoughts in recent years. Prior to coming across Universal Medicine my thoughts were not of a loving nature towards myself and I can say that his has significantly changed. I am aware of any thought that is not of a loving quality and know that those thoughts are not who I am, they do not define me. Consequently they are easy to spot now and make the choice to say NO to that energy.
The thought monster is the easy target. The real question to me is whether ‘true’ thoughts are always true. “I shouldn’t be eating this piece of cake right now” is a true thought, a true intent or something else? Do true thoughts have to be expressed in ways that make them true no matter what? Certainly, the given example is not a monster through but not because is not a monster through has to be a true one, or does it have to be?
I loved reading this again Emily. Our bodies are an incredibly powerful marker of when something is true or not, when we allow ourselves to be honest and feel. ‘There is a difference here because the true thoughts don’t feel like monsters to me when I have them – there is no drive or push or fear behind them like the Thought Monsters have, just an openness, respect and realisation.’ – Well said. One of many great truths in this brilliant article – thank you.
This is an amazing blog Emily, understanding and allowing for ourself to sometimes slip and get back up again trough this understanding and the love that is there innately in us.
‘True freedom is loving the body’ – wow how beautiful is that!
True Hannah, ‘true freedom is loving the body’ , its a game changer.
It is important to stay alert to those ‘thought monsters’, as well as, no “bashing” ourselves with guilt, simply accepting, taking responsibility and moving on with love in our hearts.
Emily you show us that wisdom does not have to wait for old age. Beauty-full blog.
I have to ask the question – where do these thought monsters come from. In my experience we allow them in, through choices that make us feel bad about ourselves, or anything less than all that we are. They are slippery, they are harmful and most importantly they are not ours.
Well said Simon this is so true. I am finding that the more I choose to develop my connection to who in truth I am, the more I am able to recognise and feel what is not true. When we are with our truth and making choices from this place there is a flow, a natural lightness and freedom. When we leave this connection it feels like a deformity from our true way of being, where the thought monsters can then run us and re-shape us through the choices we make.
Great to re-read this again Emily and go actually yeah! I am allowed to really just be me, all of me, be it silly, spooky, cute and gorgeous, a pure delight and always imperfect.. and yes, being all of me make upset people and hose ‘thought monsters; might just try and derail me and out me back in my plain old hide-away box. But they are just that, little silly monsters that i can make into bigger monsters or little insignificant puny ones by the power of my own thoughts. It is all up to me and what I choose.
The ‘thought monster’ is just a choice. Once we realise that we have chosen to let the ‘thought monster’ in , then we can swiftly, but gently ask it to leave and get on back to being ourselves. It’s so simple and something that takes practice, but so worth it as being the true us is so much more fun.
Your blog is very pertinent and timely Emily. How deeply destructive and disabling can those ‘thought monsters’ be! Talk about being hard on oneself. I am learning to just love, love, love and accept everything I am even more giving myself a big tender hug for just being me!
I love this blog. So often I find myself asking myself if I’m ‘allowed’ to do something instead of simply being it because that’s who I am. Thank you for sharing
Thank you Emily for starting the conversation on “thought Monsters” I know I certainly have a few! I also like Simons comment on making sure “who is doing the talking”. Being aware that I am the one who needs to take back the responsibility for my thoughts and decisions and not beat myself up about a slip up now and then.
So true Ariana, our thoughts can have such a big control over us if we allow it. This is why I love to have control over my own life and saying no to thoughts that are not from myself. I am listening to my body much more, what makes more sense to me, rather to follow the mind that has no limits and does not stop, even when the body is suffering.
I really like what you said Emily: True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care. I create my own inner freedom within myself and this is the best contribution to the world.
Who is that talking away in my head there … Is that me – or the thought monster!
Thanks for sharing with me that the conversations I have with myself are really important and I can make sure that I am aware of what is really going on and who is doing the talking!
I agree Simon, I often ask myself the same question!
To me an interesting question to pose is, what decisions have I made that have let to the thoughtmonsters, have we said yes or no to bring in more love in our body.
Gorgeous Emily, I have loved coming back to your beautiful blog this morning, and as before, it had me smiling inside and out. And these are the words that I am taking with me today: “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” In fact, they are the words of wisdom to take with me every day.
I love your image of thought monsters Emily … they live in the same hole as earworms – things like songs that just keep REPEATING in your head, hibbits – nasty little creatures that grow whenever you repeat them and can actually die out when not attended to, and of course the awful yeabutts or yibits, close relation of the hibbit, that are automatic disclaimer statements for when ever we even start to claim ourselves ( … yes but!) and yes … none of them live in the heart, they all live in a hole in the mind.
Beautifully said Chris, all these thought monsters are in my mind, when I stop and connect with my heart they are not there.
Entertaining and profound – well said Chris
Agreed, Chris – none of these nasty little creatures live in the heart but our minds can foster them and make them grow and in doing so diminish our selves and our true expression.
haha the Yeabutts! Absolutely Chris, Yesbutts are not fun, they just make us less and no one really likes saying them anyway. They re just said to be polite, because We aren’t allowed to be TOO awesome.. are can we be?
Hi Emily this is a really good blog to come back to as it reminds me of all the similar stuff I have gone through and still do from time to time..
I love the lightness of this blog. We realize the effects of a choice and then move on without bashing ourselves. Just accepting what happened and move on with a deeper insight on what happened. Great sharing!
The following lines stood out for me: “It’s when there’s that pulling away from my initial response, that moment where it was there, where I had the chance and then it slipped away sort of thing…. I am learning to minimise these moments: if I feel like saying this or doing that, I will try my best to do it, and try my best to stay me regardless if it shakes anyone a bit.” I am starting to notice I do this too very often, the old holding back game to keep the peace I have played for a long time. I am starting to grasp that this holding back makes my life a bit flat and I am inspired to gently, like you, try to minimise these moments. Thanks Emily.
This line, I need to read over and over: ‘Or even if there is just a “Yea okay, I feel crap… I did it again”, that’s all good too… we all slip up sometimes.’
We do all slip up, and so long as we register why we’ve done it, we are taking responsibility for the slip up which assists us with making a more suuportive choice the next time round. I spend far too much time berating myself when I make a mistake I know I could have avoided. It’s counter productive, but when it happens, I know I’ve let the ‘thought monsters’ in.
I find the ‘thought monsters’ are constantly hopping around in my head looking for opportunities to get in front of the microphone! As I am learning to trust myself more I am finding it easier to connect to my body and be with my true thoughts. There is such a freedom in my expression when the connection is truly there. Thanks Emily, I now have further inspiration to choose which thoughts I want to focus on going forward.
This morning has been a perfect time to read your “allowed to’s Emily”. With the help of a friendly chat last night I realised just how deep self-questioning goes in my body. Therefore missing loving choices of self acceptance , appreciation and love. I realise how slippery the head monster is. Thank you for the beautiful confirmation.
Great sharing Sandra, it is not something we can really say “oh yeh the head monster I get it” and move on. This is something to truly stay with. It feels almost like unless we are present with ourselves, we are leaking. The moment we disconnect, a leak develops and our preciousness pours out and something else comes in, a void, to take its place.
Am I allowed to look smoking hot? – This made me smile today Emily. Too right we’re allowed to look smoking hot.
I agree Simon, being playful when the thought monsters are around as Emily has shared, debases the energy and opens up the moment to so much more.
I really enjoyed reading this Emily and the playful way you view ‘the mind’ and thoughts, which we all believe to be who we are – the thoughts that occupy so much of our time. The thoughts that rile us and placate us and keep us in guilt or bravado. I am inspired not to take myself, and others, so seriously after reading your blog, so thank you.
I had a gorgeous and revealing conversation today about the “Am I allowed to” problem. All of us had been ‘very good girls’. We would twist ourselves like pretzels and shape ourselves to whatever anyone needed us to be. When that didn’t work it was devastating, as we had worked so hard at being good to avoid any reaction or disapproval. This left us in a constant state of anxiousness wondering, “Am I doing it right?” and waiting for those around us to let us know if we were. When we hadn’t ‘done it right’ we would have to twist and reshape ourselves even more, ending up further and further away from our truth. We have gradually been seeing through the evil of this and cracking open those pretzels to let our real selves emerge.
Emily this is delivered with such realness and grace too, I LOVED it so much, thank you for your expression. Those opening statements are completely relatable. The line I particularly enjoyed finding my head nodding in smiling agreement with you was this one: “So you’re saying, someone else should give you the permission for something you want to do, according to what mood they are in that day?” Now that’s the corker musing that dispels any sort of nonsense we can tend to have about compliance, or being compliant, almost slain to another other than ourselves. This blog sets the record straight and delivers the truth about what ‘being myself’ is all about. Brilliant.
I just love the lightness in this blog, especially at the end. Whether you feel crappy,, fat, tired etc, ‘I am accepting my choice and am moving on. Next time I know better.’ There is a mildness, a willingness to learn and evolve in these lines. No need to go heady, find reasons why you did something. Just learn from it and next time……who knows?
Brilliantly playful blog Emily. Thank you. It is hard to get caught in self judgement after reading this blog.
Agree Adam, this is so playful and a delight Emily that it gives the reader permission to be all they truly want to be — cheeky, fun-loving, smoking hot, all of it. Thank you for the inspiration to give ourselves permission to live expressing all that we are in full — whether it causes a bit of stir or not.
I love the playfulness in which you write about a behaviour that is often difficult let go of. I’ve been noticing my ‘Thought Monsters a lot recently and have found your blog so refreshing it has brought a whole new understanding. I have been trying to sort out the ‘Thought Monsters’ from the true thoughts too and love how you write. “There is a difference here because the true thoughts don’t feel like monsters to me when I have them – there is no drive or push or fear behind them like the Thought Monsters have, just an openness, respect and realisation”. Thank you Emily for just being you!
I love this concept of the “thought monsters” presented here, because that is what they are: monstrous intruders. “True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’.” So well said, Emily. That’s a perspective we could all reasonably adopt with great personal benefit.
Emily I have found that connecting to my body has been an invaluable tool to help get me away from my thoughts. To take my attention to my body in whatever it is that I am doing and to feel my body rather than keep my attention in my mind and therefore away from my body.
I LOVE the way this is written Emily! I have been so bound by being what everyone around me was being that I wouldn’t even have thought writing in this way was going to be ok. Yet this writing is so easy to connect to for ourselves and our own experiences and ways of living. BOO YA to the thought monsters!
It seems that the thought monsters’ ambition is to prevent us from being the divine beings that we are – to sabotage our delicate power. They have a myriad of sneaky thoughts to tempt us. We must be amazing for them to have to keep trying so hard. Could they be jealous?
It seems we do a lot of tip-toeing around and holding back when it comes to expressing to others especially when we let in those thought monsters that can tell us all sorts of reasons why we should hold back in expressing our truth. It feels so much lovelier in the body though when you honor what you felt and go with it. The tingling of all of your cells inside when you do that, is simply delicious.
Emily, such a beautiful blog which allows everyone to reflect on becoming aware of the thoughts which can run the show. And an opportunity to question the validity of them and where they actually come from and are they really real or true? You also speak of how letting go of those thoughts and expressing from the fullness of who we really are may cause a reaction in others – another incredible exposure you bring. Could this just be jealousy? If so, then why deny the world the amazing reflection of you in your awesomeness by giving it away to such an insidious emotion? Awesome blog – thanks so much Emily.
‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’ Simple words and inspiring to read at the start of each day, thank you, Emily.
Your blog Emily is very honest and inspiring. I love how you were so playful. Also a great reminder for us to not beat ourselves up when we choose something we know is not loving or supportive. But to learn why we have made those choices and realise that we can make a different choices next time. Ones that are loving and suportive.
I loved reading this again today Emily. It reminds me to stay light and ever playful.
‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’ Being present is one of the self care and self love tools that gives me really true freedom because I am connected to myself and the thought monsters cannot come in, the moment I lose my presence, thought monsters are knocking at my door but it is my choice whether I let them in or not.
Thought monsters are sneaky, sneaky things and I know from personal experience too. It’s amazing how we can feel like we are not allowed to do or say things. I’ve found just keeping on expressing and moving forward with what I know and feel to be true without a doubt is a great way to minimise and get rid of these thought monsters for good! It’s an ongoing process of course! Thank you for your play-full look at this Emily – it is much appreciated.
Awesome sharing Amelia. Thank you for reminding me to always express my feelings so that the thought monsters cannot enter my head. To also trust my feelings and listen to what my body is telling me. For example listen to when my body tells me when to sleep, eat, take a break and that something is not quite right.
Thought Monsters – love it Emily – it’s time to show them the door.
It sure is Lee, well said.
Thank you Emily, a brilliant blog.
A big one for me would be “Am I allowed to be myself?”
I have never allowed me to be myself, shying away and making hiding behind others. Waiting for them to make the first move. Then I started to give myself permission to be me, not giving in to any perceived notions I may have of how I thought others might see me. It is OK to be me, nothing more or nothing less than anyone else. Really, who cares what others think of me, it’s how I feel about myself that matters. And beginning to love myself allows me to come out and be the real me. I am beginning to like the real me, and I am not going to let my mind talk me out of that!
Emily, I love the simple yet powerful way you’ve shared your learnings in distinguishing between the “thought monster” and “true thoughts”. Your insights and the wisdom gained from catching and arresting the “thought monster” and thereby freely expressing from the True You (True Freedom) is a beautiful inspiration to all, young and old.
Emily those ‘thought monsters’ are just that scary thoughts that stop us in our tracks and make us live in doubt of what we truly have the potential to live LOVE!
What I am kearning is when we stay connected to self, our choices are ours, there is no reason to be caught in “am I allowed to”. Because the answer is within not out side, the power is within not outside.
Great article Emily. Thanks to the presentations by Serge Benhayon, when I hear a thought monster seeping into my head I know I have been tuning in to a subversive wave band.
‘So you’re saying, someone else should give you the permission for something you want to do, according to what mood they are in that day?’ – Great question Emily. This really brings it home as to why so many of us hold back on being who we truly are and expressing what we truly feel and choosing what we truly want – myself included. I love how you brought to light how ‘thought monsters’ can manipulate and corrupt our initial impulses. And that we can choose to love ourselves over what the ‘thought monsters’ wants us to ‘like’ ‘or ‘do’. You bring so much wisdom in such a playful way. Thank you Emily.
This is so true Emily, “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” It is something that has to come from within ourselves, claiming what and who we are without apologies, but bringing love and understanding to oneself and others in that process. So that no one feels less or more than in any one moment.
I love what you say Raegan “True Freedom…… is something that has to come from within ourselves, claiming what and who we are without apologies, but bringing love and understanding to oneself and others in that process. So that no one feels less or more than in any one moment.”- very inspiring.
I have often found it easy to bash myself when I realise I have given air time to the ‘thought monsters.’ I love the lightness in your blog and reminded me it is so much more loving and effective to simply go ‘oops, time to drop that one’ when those thoughts come in.
Me too – it is a joy to come back again and again to Emily’s blog, and I agree with you Jane – I also go ‘oops it’s time to drop that one’ when some devious thought-monsters ‘try to have their way with me’ …
Yes indeed, I like this oopses, they take the hardness and seriousness out of every judgment. In the same time taking responsibility for what happened in the knowing that perfection is not the goal.
I agree, Jane. It is so easy to give the power to the thought monsters and then bash yourself about this. I now always acknowledge what has happened and know that I can make a different decision in the next moment, without any recriminations about the previous moments.
This blog is just beautiful and I can relate to all the ‘thought monsters’ and not wanting to be myself because I didn’t want to hurt or step on anybody’s shoulders. However in the last couple of months I have really changed all of this and there has been a lot more ‘ables’ instead of ‘am I allowed to’. The tip of the iceberg was when I heard Serge Benhayon present at an Expression Workshop and he talked about justifying. OMG he struck gold. We spoke about how crazy it is that we justify who we are. It’s like we say ‘excuse me can I just tell you how I feel but if it hurts you in any way I will take it back’ or we might ask if the people around us don’t mind if we emmanate our beauty as women today. This just showed me how crazy I can be and how ridiculous it sounds to excuse my grandness.
Yep! How crazy is that concept Madeline? Justification. And how rife is it? That presentation really opened my eyes to all the excuses I have ever made for myself. Amazing!
The “Thought Monster” gets me when I go into being a problem solver …… then I invest in outcomes ……. then comes the disappointment when all the pictures don’t match. It’s completely imposing and the more I look at this pattern it exposes the “Thought Monsters ” attempt at control over me, it brings up all that I am not. Great to give it a name and to know it is indeed a “Monster” that is not from the Love I am.
Oh the pictures that don’t match up! I’m totally with you Merrilee. I’d be so rich if I could solve problems all my life.
But, I’d have money and not the inner knowing that I am enough just being me without the demands from the thought monsters constantly asking me to be there for others and never myself.
A very interesting process you have shared with us all. I like it!
Emily this is so sweet. Thank you for breaking down the process of how choices we make have a back ground before coming into being. It is a beautiful reflection to bring more awareness to where we are truly at, going through our day to day.
So sweet and so revealing- we all have those thoughts- I bust myself several times a day – a stray judgement here or disapproval there but it’s like you say – they just happen and as I grow my awareness of them happening and catch onto themes I can learnt to just see them and heal the hurts underneath – thanks for your honesty and realness.
I have to come back again and again to your blog Emily – it’s so gorgeously written. Today what stood out for me was, “… it’s up to me to make the decision… and my capability at being amazing”. So true and I shall take that with me to remember my true capability at being amazing too.
And me reading this blog and commands say: it reminds me of my true capability at being amazing, too! This is rippling out.
“because now it’s up to me to make the decision… ” this holds such truth – how often do we give our power away to everything, just accepting that’s how I, life, the situation, emotions is – instead of realising we have a choice, and it is our choice to make. A great opportunity for self responsibility – how freeing is that?
Yeap, I can totally relate to your blog Emily. I have had many of those slip ups but the great thing is like you say is to not beat myself up but understand and recognise why I was craving a particular junk food, what choices have I made that lead me to those thoughts and cravings.
Thank you Emily, what comes across to me is how we can give ourselves a hard time for the occasional slip up, especially where food is concerned but when we look at why we wanted the unhealthy food in the first place, it makes sense to feel what’s going on. In my experience it could be things like, reacting to something or someone, feeling tired, feeling flat – all sorts of things really. I’m only just learning to not let the thought monsters take over and rule my life and instead see them for the nuisance they are.
This is a lovely article about something that can completely own us – our thoughts. So simply written and easy to understand that they do not come from us, we only think they do.
Thats a very good point Deb. Our thoughts do not control everything in our life and therefore they do not own us.
Thank you Emily. It just makes me realise when reading your blog how controlled we are and that we have all been part of this grown up, Even saying to a young child no you can’t do this or that, or express yourself in that way so to speak, makes us grow up believing to just be ourself and express how we feel is not okay. Then we constantly spend our life apologising for who we are or asking for permission, confirmation to simply be ourselves. How freeing is it to be able to let go of that and just be all that we are, without needing to ask permission am I okay – for the answer is alway yes and so much more.
A great time for me to re-read your blog Emily. It is so full and you could keep reading it over and over and get something else after each re-read.
I have really enjoyed re reading this blog Emily it is so supportive as we all have the monsters and certainly need to learn to support and love ourselves accepting our mistakes and poor choices along the way. I love your bio by the way I am sure you are a great dancer!
I love the allowance questions as they expose how unloving and senseless it is not to embrace and enjoy oneself and accept the choices one has made without judgement, but with an open heart to learn and evolve from them.
The thought monsters concept amused me. I know them well and they still haunt me, if I don’t take control over my thinking and direct my mind to what I am doing. Thought monsters are also any thoughts that keep you busy with thinking without an actual need, and this could also be pleasant thoughts. Presence and gentle breathing are some ways to stop them, as I discovered. It is simple, but it takes discipline.
This says it all Emily you really hit the nail on the head here!”True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care”
I agree Samantha, that line stood out for me, So often we look outside for something or someone else to brings us all that we want and need. But that true freedom comes from self love and self care, as there is no need.
Recently I have decided to stop calibrating how I am with different people and discovered that all along it was my judgement of who will be open and who will be not that largely determined what reflection I got back. It was so beautiful to receive that.
An excellently-exposing blog, Emily, on how we live our lives chronically giving our power away to other people. I did this big time in my life up until a few years ago, when I began to learn that it was ok to just be myself, and that – although this often can ‘disturb the peace’, as you say – it is actually my responsibility to be true to myself, and indeed to be myself. If others around me react to this, or it unsettles them, it is their responsibility to deal with this.
I have just revisited this great blog and pondered on the comment that resonated with me.
I am allowed to talk to men like that.
I am allowed to show them that I can hear how sensitive, loving and wonderful they are and remember this is my true expression of them.
I love your insight into how you discern the difference between your thought monsters and true thoughts, by feeling if there a push or drive to them versus an open honest recognition.
Love it Susan. Those pesky thought monsters 😉
Emily I so love this blog, even the opening title ” Am I allowed to do this” inside me all I heard was a resounding yes. I too know this line well “So you’re saying, someone else should give you the permission for something you want to do, according to what mood they are in that day?” or “‘disturb the peace’.” in the sense of calibrating my expression, not just what I have to say but all that I am incase it gets taken the wrong way, almost like walking round on egg shells at times, but I am learning to no longer do this, sometimes it ruffles a few feathers so to speak, but it feels way much better than holding back and not being all of me, 🙂
It is an interesting point to consider that sometimes we can choose to allow certain thoughts to play through our minds without taking responsibility for the effect that these thoughts actually have.
wow Shami, well said.
Emily when I read, “instead of bashing myself, I’m realising why (in most cases it’s ‘cause I feel alone, or tired, or want to bury some feeling beneath a big pile of cake)” – I ask myself, how it doesn’t make sense to bash myself for those times I am really seeking love and support but turn to what I’ve learnt growing up, can be relied upon as the nearest solution to a tension I am feeling.
I’ll still have the tension in my life but I do have way more choices than these half baked solutions I concocted when I was young. Sure I may revert to old patterns but I can put in a stop and choose more loving, healing options instead. There’s no need to judge or condemn myself for what I do or don’t do. There is an honesty I can bring and a tenderness and I am very capable.
Your blog is a great opportunity to check one’s own resistance and ‘forbidden areas’. Thank you Emily.
This is such an amazing blog Emily. When I read your line: “I have been thinking a lot about my “allowed to’s” lately and have found that I calibrate what or basically who I am going to be depending on who I am around, so as to not ‘disturb the peace’,” it made me ponder… What is the peace if we can’t be ourselves to have it? Is it something supporting for all of the people who are in this ‘peace’? I know it is just a saying but it is true, if we cannot be ourselves in a certain situation, how true will that situation then be for anyone else?
Great Blog Emily. The is the second read for me and I love it even more than the first time. Perhaps you inspired me, after the first read, to ALLOW even more than I had been! 🙂
Such a joy to read your blog Emily, light, playful and deeply insightful. How many of us live with these thought monsters allowing our lives to be ruled with fear and comparison. Learning and now knowing that these thoughts are not me and are not who I truly am. This has been a hugely healing and transformative learning in my life.
Oh the voice monsters how they have held me back by not expressing for fear of saying the wrong thing or looking stupid or thinking there may be a reaction. From realising this it has given me more confidence and understanding of myself and now I can just be me and from that place of responsibility express.
Thanks Emily. This really shows an honest picture of what a lot of us go through every day.
Over thinking. I know I was a victim to this and it started from the point of ‘am I allowed to’but as you share here – coming at how we live based on appreciation of who we truly are is what I have found has helped me to shift those ‘thought monsters’
If I give my power to who I truly am vs what others think, it makes a huge difference.
But it hasn’t been an overnight change. It has taken consistent commitment to a way of living that supports who I really am. I have allowed appreciation before criticism and observed my moments of weakness not as a failure but to look at whats behind them and why I choose to stray from what I know to be loving and supportive.
Accept your choice, move on and next time choose differently. What a lovely way to look at it.
I agree, it is a very wise way to look at it.
I just love coming back to your blog Emily, it’s your beautiful light-heartedness dealing with this topic, and your blog is making such a difference to so many people, just awesome!
Hi Emily, its great to come back and re-read your article, I can so relate to your lists of ‘am I allowed to’s’, especially ‘Am I allowed to want to do this?’ I have realised recently that I can put what others want to do above what I feel to do, that I want to please others and for them to have a good time, but this is often at the expense of how I’m feeling, for instance going outside in the cold when actually I want to be indoors, so I get cold and frustrated, that I allowed this to happen, so I feel that yes ‘I am allowed to want to do this’ (stay indoors), even though it might not be someone else’s idea of fun, it is what I want to do and that’s important too,
This is a good lesson Emily – we all slip up sometimes.
Those thoughts that go round and round are quite unpleasant, I can see why you have named them ‘thought monsters’. They slip in and out if I let them too. But there is a beauty in that because it is actually possible to appreciate that they are indeed there and that I have a choice to do a different behaviour next time that will then not allow the thought monsters any leeway to invade. Bit by bit, the thoughts get less powerful and move elsewhere.
I like how you said that true freedom is something we give to ourselves. It’s allowing me to give myself more voice than the thought monsters.
Aha those good old thought monsters. They still strike at times for me too but I am finding that they are not as loud and hungry as they once were. It’s more about accepting my choices more and not beating myself up if I make a wrong choice. Loving the process. So playfully expressed Emily. Thank you.
Hi Emily, like everyone else I love this blog, all my life I have been far too worried about what other people think resulting in the obvious contraction and harm to myself. I think you are right we all have those thought Monsters that can run amok if we let them.
I was surprised to read this blog, so much i recognise in this of my own patterns of expression. It was super to read and even now I am doing much better in my expression.
Many times it flows now with an ease, not needing to think anymore about the other. It is such a freedom and guess what: when it comes truly from me without that filter of thinking, people love to hear me expressing and it is touching their heart. Even if sometimes it is confronting and not easy to hear. If you come from love it is always ok.
I love your way and how you express, Sylvia, and yes as you say when you come from love it is always ok to say what needs to be said.
Just coming back to your blog again Emily – it is just so beautifully written and feels wonderful to just connect with what you wrote, and the essence with which you wrote it.
It is a great blog to revisit -a reminder about the power that thought monsters can have if we let them. When it comes to food I find it is so easy to be pulled away from my center with all the justifying thoughts and I end up feeling bloated and full – my body always tells me when I have given in to those thoughts and I miss an opportunity to feel my own tenderness and vulnerability.
I just love the playfulness of your article Emily and its simplicity.
I love how lightly you have presented what goes on so quickly in the mind. Cake it is something for me that wakes up the thought monsters, they love it.
Thank you Emily. When we are able to feel how early in our lives we started to manipulate our responses to the world to try and accommodate what was coming at us energetically and physically it can be a shocking wake-up call.
So many people are trying to live rich and full lives whilst being hardwired into configured into mental and emotional responses that make it impossible to be who we truly are.
This is one of the profound awareness’s that Serge Benhayon it presents to the world… The possibility of reconnection to who we truly are in its profound simplicity.
Just re-reading your blog again Emily and totally loving this – “True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’.” I can totally feel the truth of this in my body too, thank you.
Great questions… exposing the fact that not every thought we have may come from us at all. So freeing to feel that sometimes what we think is just a result of what we have taken on and not truly what our body is communicating to us.
Emily, I love your use of the term ‘thought monsters’, it helps me so much in dealing with the way my mine keeps popping in and distracting me from being with myself. Such a playful terminology, keeps it lighthearted, and much easier to deal with when the thought monster interferes with my connection with myself.
The images we get from society of what is done and not done, also feeds the thought monsters. It is a constant reflection of who we are not, so the more we believe that, the more the thought monsters have a hay day with us!
This is such a beautifully honest and inspirational blog, thank you Emily
Those thought monsters, at times, can cause so much havoc and harm
I loved the way you tamed them and took responsibility for presenting the gorgeous, divine you.
I agree Shirl, this is so beautiful, taking steps to true responsibility. Awesome!
I could just give you a big old hug Emily, Well said.
I love the way this blog takes us on a journey, bringing more awareness as it goes. It’s so good to expose the Thought Monster – for our thoughts do monster us, unless we bring wisdom into the picture. Thanks Emily for sharing!
Great description here of those little split second moments when we feel to express ourselves in some way but then check or restrain or alter that expression at the last second for fear of what the reaction might be from others. What will they think? Will they think I’m weird? Will they stop liking me? Truth is that when we change who we are in this way it hurts us deeply. So we are really choosing to hurt ourselves in order to avoid an imagined hurt of others.
Thanks Emily for that dialogue! It really exposes the ‘thought monster’s’ process, that I’m sure everybody can relate to. How much time we waste on not wanting to upset people, or rather use the possibility of upsetting people as an excuse to just be who we are, which can never actually be a bad thing.
The more I pay attention and question the ‘thought monsters’, the more I can feel how cold and unloving they are and the fact that there is not one once of truth behind them, especially the ones which refuse to let us off the hook and hold us to ransom. When this happens I know it’s coming from my should’s and shouldn’t list, which has never supported me in any way what so ever. Thank you Emily, great topic.
Oh my goodness so many comments on this blog ~ no wonder as to why. What you delver here is absolute gold Emily and you expose just how many thoughts we are riddled with in our minds. A powerful piece of expression.
Hi Emily,
I just re-read your blog, and this stood out for me –
“Yea, because now it’s up to me to make the decision… and my capability at being amazing”,
This stood out for me because I am presently stepping up in my expression and accepting that it IS ok to just be me. This has been an enormous challenge for me because I have always accepted that these ugly thought monsters were me, and that’s the way it was. Now I know that these thoughts are not the true me I do not have to accept them, and challenging as it is, I realise that it is now up to me whether I choose to move on in my expression or not, I can’t go on hiding or avoiding speaking up anymore.
It’s a matter of commitment for me, knowing that if I remain silent this is not serving me or anyone else. So thank-you again Emily, such a wise young lady, and AMAZING!
Emily, seeing the questions you pose at the start of your blog puts onto paper just how I lived most of my life. Always capping myself to make sure I fit in with what was around me and tip toeing around others to not upset or cause a scene. Seeing this on paper (ok screen) now allows me to see how absurd this is – no wonder I am tired! How much easier would it be just to be me? Gosh, so much easier.
Great point Shirley, to trust myself more than others and to know and be able to discern whether it’s mine or someone else’s thought monsters, is the the key. As Emily so beautifully expressed, if my thoughts are coming from a driving place, or the should’s, I can’t trust that this is connection to my natural amazing essence.
This is a gorgeous sharing, thank you Emily – a real support as I know that calibration trick very well. I especially appreciate how you describe discerning between the true thoughts and the monster ones. Funny how those monsters get smaller the more you see them.
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care”. That is so true Emily. Great for me to remember when those close to me criticise me for being ‘too thin’ etc. I know that I feel great, and is a result of my self love and self care. They tend to judge me from the perspective of what those around them in society look like. But in so many cases, these people they are comparing me with are not healthy, and in most cases do not have the vitality that I have. I will stick with self love and self care.
Yes I agree with you Beverley, sticking with self-love and self-care and what the body is messaging is really a fantastic way to be. And any comparison, as we well know, does not serve anyone at all.
This is such a great, honest sharing, Emily.
I can so relate to this statement:
“I have been thinking a lot about my “allowed to’s” lately and have found that I calibrate what or basically who I am going to be depending on who I am around, so as to not ‘disturb the peace’. ”
This was me for sure, and I find that now I am more willing and able to just be me, it is not always so peaceful around me! But now we have a chance to experience true harmony and true love in our relationships – is that not worth disturbing the peace?
““Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”, I’m taking responsibility for me.” Love it, honest and supportive. I have struggled with accepting myself just the way I am, I could feel that when I felt I had made a mistake, I would take responsibility for it but also kick myself when I am down, so to speak, by thinking I should have known better, a double whammy…I am learning and I am not going to get it right every time and that is ok. I am learning to accept myself and the only way I have done this is by learning to care for myself.
Absolutely crazy Richard, but totally understandable when we do not stop to deal with our own hurts and issues but we can always count on life to deliver an opportunity to heal these in fact never ending opportunities..
Great blog, I can definitely relate to the ‘thought monsters’
I can relate to having my own ‘Am I allowed to’ list and what struck me is why we have them in the first place and then look at people who have a different list as being brave or breaking the rules. It feels to me like by adhering to my list I have lived in a very rigid and controlled way. Lots to ponder on here – thank you for a great topic.
How many times and how many people stop themselves from expressing because of those “thought monsters” that cut and diminish our expansion in that moment… taking responsibility for the thoughts I follow and the thoughts I let go of, instead of staying in the comfort of just giving up and not expressing, thus listening to the childhood judge that tells me “you´re not allowed”, “it´s inappropiate¨or even worse “they are going to laugh at you”, is what I see you are doing and inspiring others to do. Very young and very wise: True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.
“True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’” awesome Emily loving and accepting ourselfs should be taught in schools. Lessons in monster management is the way forward!
Thank you Emily for once again reminding me that I am allowed to be anything I feel to be at that moment without any other persons’ permission. I have read this blog many times and the message gets stronger and stronger each time. Thank you once again.
Inspired by this article I am having a bit of a love affair with questions at the moment. Just as opportunities to check up where I am at and whether I have let a behaviour settle into habit without awareness and attention. It is not that all the behaviours need changing, just the fact that in the asking, in an open and developing relationship with questions, I am less likely to let stuff perpetuate that is not serving myself or others. Thank you.
I love that term ‘thought monster’ as it really does put those sometimes huge overwhelming thoughts into perspective, ugly little beasts that they are, not particular human or of us…
Thanks, Emily for sharing this huge concept…quite a healing tool.
I have lived a large part of my life either wondering if I am allowed to do something or being the complete opposite and just doing it anyway. I have learnt that when I listen to an impulse it is completely different, it feels complete, uncomplicated and I don’t have that nagging thought monster at the back of my mind questioning if it is alright or not. I am still learning what an impulse feels like as I still get it wrong but when I do, I am less likely to beat myself up these days for not feeling what the true impulse was.
I love your blog Emily, the conversational part so well describes the way those thoughts can influence and truncate our self expression. Thank you for sharing what often is kept ‘behind closed doors’ or as a façade that everything is going well. We all have experienced these ‘monster thoughts’ at some point. It’s awesome to bring it out into the open and share this similiar experience.
I love the simplicity and truth of this blog, one that all people will be able to relate to, the opening questions are exactly what it’s like, and what I can feel is they are so very tiring. Whereas listening to an impulse, a feeling, there is often not a thought, just a simplicity and an action to follow, which offers so much ease, freedom and joy. It feels simple.
When such wisdom and clarity can be written by someone so (comparatively ☺ ) young, it speaks volumes for what is possible for humanity now. Emily also writes with humour and candour, and all these facets of her expression combined make for a compelling read.
Then the introduction of the awareness of ‘True Freedom” … my gosh! look out world… our youth have found their voice, and it is strong and clear.
I love your blog Emily. How often do we give into self-doubt? I know that even the tiniest thought can lead to others, steering me away from my true knowing and authority – and then the thought monsters have had their way. Loving and celebrating, as we live and learn along the way, and accepting and appreciating how beautiful we are is truly freeing.
Love your blog Emily, thank you. ” True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’. ~ True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” …… imagine this posted on billboards through out the world and the authors listed be: Love & Responsibility.
„True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care“.
I always had thought to be absolutely free only to find out later that in fact I was deeply imprisoned in a prison which I built up all by myself.
Taking responsibility has been the key to unlock the door to go out and explore what freedom truly means.
There are so many gems in this blog Emily, and today for me it is also about true freedom, the gift we give ourselves – self love and self care, and when we take the time to give ourselves a loving moment the thought monsters skulk away.
Emily , I loved following your thought process or inner dialogue here, allowing (!) yourself to see it through so openly. Thank you! I also loved this line, “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” It doesn’t seem to matter how old I get because even though I’m in my mid-forties and have learnt a thing or two about taking responsibility for my life and my choices, I still sometimes expect true freedom to be handed to me on a silver platter! Yet, as you so wisely say, it’s what I give myself that is true freedom, being in the knowingness that I can’t receive without having first accepting it within me. An inspiring blog, Emily….keep writing!
I just keep coming back to your blog Emily, it is such a joy to read – it brings a smile to my face and, at the same time, reminds me to keep connected with the thought-angels and send everything else packing.
This blog is such an inspiration and practical message related to acceptance and building self-love . Delightful and playful thank you Emily
Thank you for sharing Emily I enjoyed your blog and your questions.
This is so refreshing Emily and a lovely gentle reminder to be aware of the thought monsters – to realise they are not coming from our true selves and to love ourselves all the same!
This is such an awesome article. I really released that I have ‘thought monsters’ but I also have ‘thought angels’ who remind me how amazing, beautiful and gorgeous I am.
The negative self thoughts are like a form of self bullying, within these thoughts I often wonder if I would allow someone else to speak to me the way the thought monsters run in my head. Awareness is key along with a healthy dose of self appreciation, and thats where the “thought angels” come in, love it Madeline.
I love that Madeline ! Time to pay more head to the thought angels
This morning I tried facing off the thought monsters with some steady gentle breathing and they scurried off. I loved re-reading your blog Emily, it’s a piece of magic!
Brilliant blog Emily, you are cracking the imprisonment of your own thoughts in a way that is playful and easy to relate to. Leaving us seeing that at the end of the day we are all left with the results of our own choices.
Great blog Emily. I can completely relate to the ‘thought monster’. It is really so simple and easy to just be aware of the choices we are making each day. Is that going to support me to stay true to myself and feel my complete fullness or not? And if unsure learning and taking responsibility for those choices. Not beating ourselves up for making mistakes or ‘wrong’ choices’. Thank You for sharing Emily.
I love your list of questions, Emily, every one of them being an invitation just to stop and say ‘why do I think and act the way I do and does it make any sense?’ As soon as I start to ask simple questions such as these I feel so many ‘shoulds’ and ‘ought to’s’ falling away leaving me free to take true responsibility.
Some great real life examples in this blog Emily – I love reading them. This one is brilliant – “There is a difference here because the true thoughts don’t feel like monsters to me when I have them – there is no drive or push or fear behind them like the Thought Monsters have, just an openness, respect and realisation.” Thank you
There are at least two points here, Ariana, that I can say, I feel it, too. Mostly my sayings depend on the person(s) around, are they friends, collegues, family members and I realize me measuring. The other good description is the difference between the two types of thoughts, those who come with pressure and any fear and provement and those without any changes in my body.
Great blog, thank you.
When I was young Emily, I had the same difficulty about been allowed , or is it worth the discomfort caused to say what I felt. Then there was times when I did say what I felt and got chastised for been truthful . The result was a self imprisonment for me . I spent most of my life adjusting to what others wanted so as to keep truth covered over. I am now older, I am not any wiser than I was when I was young. But I created a prison for that young person to keep people happy; truthfully Emily it’s not worth it. Living and expressing what you know to be true leaves little or no space for thought monsters, feel the pain and the discomfort, truthfully prison is no fun.
Thank you
I just read your article again Emily, and it struck me that when we were very young, given the opportunity, didn’t we wear what we wanted, say what we wanted without holding back, and were always honest and open, and it didn’t matter to us what people thought. We were true to ourselves. When did this all change as we grew up? Did we lose that love for ourselves and started to live up to ideals and beliefs and go into comparison with others? If we could retain that childlike innocence and re-connect back to the love we have inside then maybe we wouldn’t care what people thought, we could be our true selves again.
Thank you Emily for this blog. I too calibrate myself to those around me and what I felt while reading your blog is that I actually blame the people around me for this! Your words ‘Yeah because now it’s up to me to make the decision… and my capability at being amazing’ have rung true for me and have provided much for me to reflect on! Thank you, Emily.
Emily, this is brilliant and refreshing. I can relate completely to those thought monsters and the way you end up feeling controlled by your own fear of hurting someone else, simply by moving slightly to the left or something crazy like that. Thank You.
I love what you’ve written and your simply gorgeous expression Emily! The open sharing of what goes on in your mind is very relatable and supportive, thank you.
I find questioning the dialogue helps me. Instead of allowing those unsupportive and harming thoughts in I ask myself, “would my soul present a thought like that,” if the answer is a resounding “no”, then I disregard it and reclaim a dialogue that is loving and supportive. This has been years in the making and a real commitment. Now thought monsters can’t stick around too long before they’re sent on their way.
Hi Emily,
I absolutely loved the way you presented the unique you in your unique writing. Wonderful to read. Those true thoughts are so ‘delicious’, there is an ease to their delivery which can only but be allowed.
Just re-reading your blog again Emily to remind myself that today I ‘battled’ some thought monsters – and in the end – they had to just go! Thank you again for your lovely analogy.
Wow the feeling of youth and freshness, love your expression and your quest to live. Thanks Emily for your lightness of being.
I love how you describe the monster thoughts, I know these thoughts very well. They slip in, sneaky and quick, and before I know it, I am stuck with the monsters. What helps me a lot is to be very present with what I am doing, so now for instance I am typing this comment, I make sure that I am with the typing, feeling my fingers on the keyboard, feeling my bottom in the chair, and with all my attention on the words. When I do this with everything I am doing, and yes, this is big time work in progress, than there is little to no room for the monsters to sneak in.
Thank your for sharing such a great topic with us. For years I have been paralysed by my own restrictions on what I can and cannot do and double guessing what others would do and what people will think of me if I do x, y or z and I would say to the point where I lost myself and the ability to make a true decision about my life.
But what I am finding these days is how freeing it is to make my own decisions and not worry about others – the old patterns still want to invade but I am quicker at picking them up now and gently questioning if there is a belief I am holding on to. For me lack of self worth has been the driving force behind the “thought monsters”.
Simply asking the ‘Am I allowed’ questions gives me the opportunity to see how many areas are still touched by the rules I have unthinkingly taken on. As I shake down it is so cool to spot these and realise that I live more responsibly and respectfully when I am in charge of my behaviour and choices, as opposed to letting an inherited, unquestioned rule book run the show….does that make sense?
Thought monsters…I can relate to this. You have clearly expressed how some of our thoughts are not true or helpful in any way to us. Be-ware of those thought monsters everyone….
Thank you Emily for this fun blog. The “Thought Monster” can be relentless – if we let it. And by tenderly bringing ourselves back to our inner heart and out of the realm of the thought monster, which is the mind, we can squeeze it out until it disappears.
I love this blog Emily. I can relate so much! The holding in my first impulse of what to say or do especially, I notice I do this a lot… all because I am measuring what the other person would think, Would react? Feel exposed? Feel bad? Your blog supports me enormously in letting go of all those thought monsters and letting myself be me and express!
Beautiful and playful, I was smiling and chuckling through most of it. Thank you.
Thank you Emily .. can really relate to the ‘Thought Monster’ and how it has played a big part in my life too.. Not any more I am on to it … As I have a deeper love and connection with self and other, I only have loving choices to make so there is no room for the ‘Thought Monster’.
Ariana I love your comment so exquisitely expressed. Stunning are you.
Emily what a fun little blog absolutely love it thank you. Thought monsters – boy have I had some of those nasty little creatures, but they no longer rule my kingdom, my heart does.
“The ‘why’ sometimes doesn’t even matter, I don’t need a reason, just acceptance, and as long as there’s an “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”, I’m taking responsibility for me”.
This really resonated with me Emily, as you have stated there is no greater joy or freedom form truly taking responsibility for our own choices.
I love this blog and could read it again. “True freedom is loving the body I am in.” There is no price on the joy this freedom brings.
Wow such beauty in this young woman’s face. So much inner joy.
Wow! I love the analogy you’ve used with the thought monster and they are exactly that. Yes I have those and you have so lightly brought the choice and responsibility into the light of the way we live.
I love your ‘Can I do’s’ … and there’s so many of those that can creep into our thoughts.
To know true thoughts vs thought monsters will be fun to check in with myself. This checking in will allow me to make choice.
Emily thank-you for your playfulness with yourself.
I too spent many years worrying about what others think – its like being stuck on a hamster wheel – exhausting and totally involutionary.
However by weaving self care & self love into my life – I have found true freedom from these doubts.
And when the thought monsters do rear up there is now a foundation of care that will not allow a negative vortex to swallow me up, instead an honest and real appraisal of what’s up.
Emily I loved this blog – the conversations we have with ourselves and our monsters – it seems we all suffer or have suffered this same monster – self-doubt -I can certainly relate to what you have described so delightfully and I love its evolution – accept our beautiful selves just the way we are – and the funny thing is, when we do this, people usually love it – Thanks for sharing this insightful piece.
Emily what a bubbly and fun way you presented your blog about the ‘thought monsters’ and I feel what an inspiration your article must be for other young people as yourself, knowing at this beautiful age you actually have a choice – whether to walk tentatively on egg-shells so to speak for 10, 20 or even 40 years around people who inevitably react to some expression you may want to share, or indeed know in your inner heart that you do not have to compromise just to please others with something that you feel to say or do. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you Emily, this blog holds so much realness in it. I feel we all have ‘thought monsters’ that are unhelpful to our self-esteem and feeling of self-worth. I recently realised that it doesn’t matter what other people think of me, it only matters what I think of myself. Having this realisation really takes a lot of the self-doubt out of the equation as I am not looking outside of myself for approval and the possibility of not getting it (therefore opening the spiral to doubting myself because I didn’t stack up to the perceived expectation). This realisation allows me to be with Me more as I am not looking outside for any reassurance that I am allowed to be Me.
Emily, the idea of thought monsters is so revealing for me. I can see that they take me away from my conscious presence frequently and before I know it I have concocted a whole drama in my head. However I am learning to pull myself back quite quickly now- thought monsters do not like stillness!! I am loving the name ‘thought monsters’ as it is very playful and allows me to pull myself back to ‘me’ in a non punishing way.
Yes those ‘Thought Monsters’ I know about them and yes when I am paying attention I can feel the difference between them and the ‘true’ thoughts that support me. “Then with the realisation of these ‘Thought Monsters’ there has also been the trying to sort out the ‘Thought Monsters’ from the true thoughts…” It feels great to get some clarity and choose not to be beholden by them, how ever when they come up I have started have a feel into why they are there, what am I scared to look at and what is available to learn here? This has supported me a lot.
Thanks Emily, enjoyed your lighthearted expose on the “thought Monster” and the choices we make.
Emily I love the anology of the thought monster over a true thought! My life used to be overtaken by the thought monster that has changed dramatically with embracing self care and self love in my life which includes the odd mistake which I now view as a learning.
All those ‘am I allowed’ questions! I recognise my own set of similar questions and it certainly highlights for me how we, in general, bring up our children if they then grow into adults that are so unsure of how to be. You’ve highlighted something really important Emily…To confirm our children’s “capability at being amazing”.
What you say here Emily is very true, ‘True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’. True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’ For me, accepting and appreciating myself has been the way forward, and it all started with the self-love and self-care that I gave myself. The more I self-love and self-care the more I accept and appreciate myself. Simple really.
Thank you, Emily – so many wise gems shared. I love the lightness with which you treat ‘mistakes’ too…always opportunities to learn and make sure we are forever tender and understanding with ourselves.
I agree Matilda. It’s great the way Emily is so playful and light with the topic of making mistakes and to not be too hard on ourselves when we have those ‘oops’ moments.
Beautiful Emily and Matilda and feeling the lightness of you both in the process of learning and making mistakes is very inspiring.
Wow when I read the first part of this blog I can feel how much we control, calculate, manipulate etc to be a certain way for everybody else and it all happens at the expense of ourselves. I loved this, thank you Emily. I am allowed to be me.
Yes absolutely Sally, Emily’s description of the ‘thought monsters’ made me feel how exhausting it is to try to wrangle ourselves into different shapes for different people all in the hope of being accepted and avoiding rejection. I also loved, Emily, how you differentiate between the two types of thoughts and how just giving ourselves permission and accepting ourselves is the key.
Jenny I agree, it is so very exhausting to continually “wrangle ourselves into different shapes for different people all in the hope of being accepted and avoiding rejection”. I realise now that as I was needing to be accepted, and the thought of rejection too painful to bear, with the help of those “Thought Monsters” I became an expert in “wrangling”, and in the process burying me beneath the exhaustion.
Yes to experiencing that exhausting of putting myself in a shape box that would fit the title and mood of the people around me.. I felt so sick after when I did this (and still some times feel that when I had chosen to do so). This is simply not the way, and this is my body showing me in many many areas of my life. WHen I am at work making myself small and pretend I only know and am ‘so much’ i tempt to physically drop things out of my hand, loose my balance or bump into something that is quiet painfull.. These are all markers that I am not with myself and that I need to come back to my connection. Finding my true balance in my connection and expression is key here. Great blog!
I enjoyed your blog Emily, expressed in a light and witty way what can seem so heavy. Acceptance and understanding rather than beating ourselves up, and exposing and dis-empowering those ‘thought monsters’. I feel lighter already.
Great blog Emily!
And Danielle I love how you showed a humorous and playful way of seeing the “thought monsters as the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other”. Which thoughts do we allow in? Great way to explain how 2 types of energy can enter our body and from then on our actions and behaviour come from this.
Emily Newman, this is brilliant. I loved every bit of it and could so relate. I love your use of the words ‘thought monsters’ as indeed they are, and the simplicity of your paragraph
“The ‘why’ sometimes doesn’t even matter, I don’t need a reason, just acceptance, and as long as there’s an “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”, I’m taking responsibility for me”.
Absolutely awesome sharing and very inspiring around acceptance and responsibility. Thank you.
So often I have experienced life as if I was on the back foot. Always looking or sensing what others were doing or feeling or what mood they were in etc and then reacting to that, so always in response or you could say that the world in all its forms decided or determined how I should be that day. Slowly I too am learning to be more on the front foot and simply feel what I feel to be and express and let the world deal with it and let others react if they choose. This way I am setting the pace and it feels like such a smoother simpler less tiring way to live.
Thanks Emily, I love the way you have captured the internal dialogue and then honestly looked at what is going on in your mind.
I also love the acceptance that you have for everything that you are and think and are. Permission to be the awesome person that you are.
There are lots of ‘cakes’ in the world, and lots of feelings to bury eating them. I haven’t completely given up all of my cakes, but am more willing to look at why I still feel the need to have these behaviours in my now amazing (most of the time – when I’m not listening to my Thought Monster), life.
Simplicity – again -yes. Thank you Susan
Thank you Emily, Brilliant expression and exposure of those nagging thought monsters that we can all fall back to listening to from time to time. I love how you end “Or even if there is just a “Yea okay, I feel crap… I did it again”, that’s all good too… we all slip up sometimes.”
Am I allowed to be this leads me to there is no question I am not only allowed to be this – I am this beautiful , gorgeous , amazing woman. Thank you Emily.
Good questions to ask and feel into, bringing a deeper connection, awareness and relationship to ourselves.
Absolute truth and wisdom here Emily, I love how you’ve shared and expressed so beautifully from your own unique expression, from you the freedom to simply be ourselves, and let go of doing things, being someone for everyone else. And I love the ‘though monsters’ — next time I have one of these come up I’ll have that reference point to give them the boot!
I loved your sharing. I too fell into the trap of monitoring others moods and adjusting my response or behaviour to them. It is very dis-honouring and unloving and my body always let me know that. Thank you for expressing it in such a cheeky way.
Thought monsters….I loved the way you expressed it. I’m sure we have all had those thought monster at some point in our lives, which has affected the choices we have made.
Great Blog Emily! I loved “thought monsters”, that made me laugh, it is a very lighthearted way to look at those less than lovely thoughts that can creep in (or sometimes jump in and be loud!)… I feel I will be much better able to spot these thoughts now they have been ‘named’… thanks lol!
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” Rich words indeed and something by which we can all take heed. Thank you for your article.
Thankyou Emily, for opening that cupboard door in each of our minds and daring to shine a light upon where our ‘thought monsters’ lurk. I will be especially on the lookout in mine for any thought hijacking by these hungry beasts – I can totally relate. Monsters make a mess of the mind but truth clears it. Simple.
Wow Emily I loved your comment that someone else gives me permission for what I feel to do according to their moods.
I have seen this happen so often and have to admit have done this in the past when I wasn’t feeling great about myself.
Great Insights into how we run with our thought process, of doing and expressing what we feel is OK based on how we perceive others are feeling and how they might react. What I find interesting is that the other person is doing exactly the same thing, so the other person and myself are both playing this odd game of not being ourselves, both trying to avoid any unwanted reaction from the other. That actually feels very controlling from both sides.
I definetely didn’t consider that the other person I’m interacting with is doing the same thing. You’ve opened up a whole other world there Thomas. It is very controlling and quite constrictive. At least when one person let’s go of that it offers the chance for the other as well?
I agree Emily – It only tales one person to speak their truth and then the permission ‘snow ball’ is set in motion … with loads of potential to cover the ‘thought monster’!
That’s a great point Thomas. If we are all playing the game of ‘not being ourselves’ because we are trying to avoid unwanted reactions, then we are not really connecting and there can be no True Expression.
Thank you for pointing out the ‘ not always needed to know the ‘why”, just accepting it’ i can go into over analyzing things, why do I feel that, why do I do that. Insteaf of first accepting what there is to feel.
Thanks for sharing Emily, I too have been realising lately that I have changed the way I am with different people. You could have said at one time that all of my friends knew a different side of me. The truth is that none of them knew the real me. Lately I have been meeting a lot of new friends and am showing them the real me for the first time. It feels so refreshing to just be me. There is no ‘trying’, there is just ME.
I really related to how you said at one point your friends knew a different side of you and no one knew the real you. I really get that and feel that quite often- only cause of course I’m not showing them the real me. Thanks Heidi
Taking on the responsibility for how someone else will feel is very exhausting and depleting to the body.
Yes that’s very true Matthew. After all, we can’t heal another we can only support them, and trying to make them better and take their pain away doesn’t work, and does leave us feeling depleted and that’s not self love. I am at the moment aware that I am “trying to sort out” someone else’s problems and that’s imposing, better I tell myself, just reflect love back and leave well alone. Thank you for the reminder.
Wow I loved this Emily and had a little laugh at all the ‘Am I allowed to’ as I could relate to everyone of them. Another one that I noticed this morning when I was getting ready for work, was ‘Am I allowed to do that for me, before I do that’…’thought monster’ – holding out on myself and what I actually needed because I was asking permission. As you said “Now that just doesn’t make sense, does it?”.
I loved feeling your gentle dialogue with yourself, it felt like you were lovingly talking with a young child, with no hardness or criticism, just understanding. Beautiful reminder.. thanks Emily.
Oh I know this one too, Aimee, am I allowed to do this for me before I do the other things that are important. Since I have turned it around, I do things first for myself to feel great within me, and than I do the work that needs to be done, with me in it.
I can relate to this blog 100% in complete knowing that I’m in that uhmming and aarhing too. Choices need clarity in order to feel right, and its always hard to get that clarity.
Hi Emily, I loved how you unpacked your story by way of asking those endless questions which of course rang true for me too. The biggest recognition I had was how you describe the process of measuring how you will be against the company you are with. Thanks for bringing this to the light for me to focus on.
This is a fun message you are sharing here Emily, thank you. It is something I struggle with, the not letting go of the slip ups, needing an answer as to why I make the choices I do & the calibrating of truly letting me be me. There is no comparison with the feeling of allowing yourself to be in true expression, it is very freeing. I look forward to being more of it in my day.
I agree Christine, Emily has captured something that we all experience with an air of lightness and humour which is so necessary when you consider the way we can treat ourselves if we let those thought monsters run havoc! What I also appreciated about Emily’s sharing was the ‘no drama’ approach. We can sometimes make big tsunami’s out of a little ripples and really it is as simply as acknowledging the impact of a choice that wasn’t loving and moving on!
Loving the recognition of the Thought Monster, thanks Emily.
Great feeling the very open and easy way you have shared what the mind wants to do to keep experiencing a yuk feeling.
Acceptance and allowing is very freeing from the yuk feeling.
Am I allowed? I am able! What a difference in expression this is. Questioning ourselves every day with all the choices we make feels as a very exhausting activity. These thought monsters, compared to confirming ourselves with what we feel we can do, are not coming from truth. The thought monsters will not only keep us away from ourselves, but also from enjoying the joy of life that it truly is.
Emily-I love your analogy of “thought monsters” and can totally relate to this. Great to see how you have conquered this by going within and feeling and nominating the truth of the situation.- I too am learning to do this more and more.
Thanks to Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine for exposing these “thought monsters” which aren’t us.
It’s a great blog because it reminds me not to think, but just do what the body feels. If I thought as much as this blog, I would be awfully confused. My internal hard drive would shutdown from too much in-put.
Emily, thank you for introducing me to your Thought Monsters, and after reading what you have written, I’m in no doubt that they are related to mine! I just love that you have that given this beautifully descriptive name to those negative, destructive and very devious voices that have crowded your brain, and mine, for so long – mine a bit longer than yours! By having committed to making many self caring changes in my life, a few of mine have retired, but there are still a few persistent ones that are being very stubborn and love letting me know that they are still there. My plan is to keep on exposing them, and as I do, I know that I will get to know the true me even more than I do now. Retirement Day for Thought Monsters is looming!
Haha you are gorgeous Emily. Thank you for this article which held your humour but also exposed the clear truth about our Thought Monsters vs True Thoughts. I will definitely read this article a lot as i can get caught up in the “Am i allowed to’s” rather than the “Am i able to’s” Which i will be focussing more on as it feels more liberating. You are gorgeous- exactly what was needed. With Love, Arianne
I love how your honesty is inspiring so many of us to comment on it. It is so lovely to witness your complete openness with yourself and with us. It feels like the ‘thought monsters’ can get in, take hold and have power when we try to hide and deny them. When they are out in the open and shared in such an honest way they simply have no power.
I love the description of ‘thought monsters’ – my feeling is that everyone has these, it just depends how much power we give them to how much they stand out. The way I refer to them is having a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other shoulder, as seen in many cartoons. These two characters represent either my true feeling and thoughts (angel) and the thoughts that are not true to me (devil). I find that any thoughts I have that are not really true to me are always evil or very destructive in one way or another, either harming towards myself or towards another. In fact more often then not I notice that they are more harmful towards me, and how I feel about myself, putting myself down, or causing worry. Accepting one negative thought can have a domino effect for the additional thoughts and actions that follow, sometimes effecting my whole day, until I realize I have accepted an untrue thought and followed through with actions that aren’t true for me and that I’ve fallen for the devil on my shoulder again. I love Emily’s playfulness of when a mistake is made, I’ve been learning this also, of going ‘doh, I let the devil on my shoulder win again’ and immediately re-aligning or befriending the angel, and together the angel and I keep a very close eye on the Devil to ensure it doesn’t again step out of line and try and take control of what is true for me.
Another inspiring young person choosing not to live at the mercy of society’s ‘thought monsters’, not to allow them to run her life – this is a teenage ‘rebellion’ to be admired and celebrated. Thank you, Emily.
Very inspiring to see young people walking their truth.
Emily Newman – you rock! You are a shining light and in choosing to live this way you are allowing all to feel the truth of your words.
Amazing how many of us have these same ‘thought monsters’ running rampant in our heads.
It’s crazy the dialogue that runs as we limit our ability to simply be.
Saying ‘yes’ to ourselves, giving ourselves permission to be the amazing women and men we are allows us all true freedom.
Totally Agree Julie – saying yes to ourselves, giving ourselves permission to be the amazing women and men we are this is something no money can buy and you can only gift it to yourself – what a precious precious gift it is.
Beautiful sharing Emily thank you I love it all and love how you share that “True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’. True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” So True !
Same here Sue.
It really makes me wonder if the reason we give our power away to others is so we have an excuse to be less than what we are capable of being? I find that the less I give my power away – the more I claim it for myself. And it is usually an amazing offering to me and others when I get on with it and stop questioning how I feel.
Emily, I appreciate you put it so clearly, it makes me aware of my thought monsters, even going on right now. But there is another thought now as well: we may allow ourselves to appreciate all the loving choices we do make.
I love how you are able to capture the everyday language that we use in our head. I think this article is a leveller for all people as everyone can relate to having commentary in their head that is less than helpful at some time or another. I love the realness of what you express and obviously who you are. From reading your article, I get the feeling that you are a what you see is what you get type of person with no games or pretensions, facades or acts. I love what this article offers as it offers us all an opportunity to review our relationship with ourself and consider that we have the ability to bring warmth and understanding to ourselves when we are making choices that in truth we really wish we hadn’t. the UH OH moments.
Emily, what a joy to read and my favorite line “Am I allowed to look smoking hot”, makes me smile, one that you claim you are smoking hot and two that you write it in a way that asks others to claim it also, exposing the thought monsters that get in the way of us all claiming our “smoking hotness”. Thank you for sharing so honestly your thought monsters with us and allowing us to be honest about ours. Bravo Emily and smoke away.
Just reflecting more on this blog – there is a lot here to feel in relation to our own lives and what gets used to hold back – in part of the blog you pin point the calibration (chamelion syndrome – aka fitting in/conforming) to fear of the possible reaction of others when you shine. It’s time we uprooted the ‘tall poppy’ mentality and know that someone has to shine first – and only then will others have the chance to see that there is a way to be all of us and it is super GREAT living like that. Yes there might well be some stuff for people to feel, maybe even jealousy, (which we can use as an excuse to hold back our full beam lovliness) but without that we might all be left thinking mediocre is ‘it’…when there is so so so much more to us. Shine On Emily!!
Love your comment Kate … absolutely spot on.
Absolutely! Monster thoughts have no control or power anymore. They are not from us, they serve no purpose but to transform us from our awesomeness. It is time now to not play with monster thoughts and accept in full the responsibility to explore expressing from who we really are and how that really feels. The world deserves nothing less but to have us truly reflecting back to it that monster thoughts are so last season for everyone!
Hi emily,thank you for not being hard on yourself, you feel so light and free.
Emily, I love your honesty. I can so relate to these thoughts and ‘justifications’ of what I feel to do or say.
Your blog has inspired me today to knock out some of these thought monsters, and just get on with being the awesome me, thank you.
Classic blog Emily that I can so relate to. I love the playful naming of all those internalised put downs and similar as ‘thought monsters’ – what a lovely support to brush them off and give them the flick – they are just the tricks we let in to keep us less – and hold no power unless we give it to them. I’m replacing those old monstery thoughts (that once ran the show!!) with new tender, supportive ones – encouraging myself and appreciating me – and loving the transformation. Monstery thoughts are so very last season. Thanks for the sharing Emily – sweet!
With tenderness and playfulness we are much more likely to allow ourselves to explore the shadier bits of our lives. Emily and Kate, you have mastered this, thank you. ‘Monstery thoughts are so very last season’!
Emily you have certainly expressed here and it is for the benefit of all that’s for sure. You gave your self permission to express all this and so many people get validated by your experience and it helps to them to express and develop a deeper relationship with themselves…so please never hold back your expression again. Love it!
I can so relate to this Emily as I am sure most people can. I had spent my whole life living to rules (thought monsters as you call them), making sure that I only show a certain part of me to the world so as that I would get approval, not rejected. If I went along with the norm then there would be no disruption to the status quo. As I got older I came to realise that I was not being myself and that I was very unhappy living this way. Now I too give myself permission to say or do as I truly feel, taking full responsibility for those actions or words of course, and I could never have imagined how it would change my life. My relationships are much deeper and true as people get to know the real me, I feel very open to life where I used to feel on guard all the time, and I actually truly love who I am and no longer have constant thoughts criticizing myself. Now I truly enjoy life and all that it brings.
Great discernment on what thoughts are true or not Emily, and I love your playfulness in calling out the ‘Thought Monster’. I can certainly be my own worst enemy when I engage with the inner conflict of self-loathing dialogue. Great to take a step back and allow some space to just feel it and, as you say, take responsibility for the choice and why it was made.
A most beautiful revelation on how restrictive and imprisoning these silly little ‘thought monsters’ are. Thank you Emily.
Emily. What a wise soul you are. Just keep those monster thoughts at bay. Just keep on being you.
We place so many restrictions on our inner-most impulses that its a wonder they can even get through sometimes. Regular doses of self-care, self-worth, self- love and nurturing have certainly helped me to put down the big stick I wielded over myself for way too long.
Reading your blog has made me realize how many times I have those feelings of am I allowed? and it is when I am so attached to someone´s response that I have learned to calculate my behaviour, to fit in, to be liked, or what I imagine that will happen. It becomes a mental torture, and it is so freeing to just decide to follow me and my impulses and learn from them. To remember that there is no right or wrong but choices to learn from.
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care”
So simple and yet so powerful Emily, priceless true medicine.
Thank you Emily. Your article makes fun to read because your revealing the ‘Monsters of Thought’! You gave such a simple way to expose the ‘Monsters’ that is makes even easier for me to handle with them. This is a very good reference point for me as well.
The thought monsters, they are even at play as I write this comment. They are good to observe and recognise for what they are.
Thanks Emily for exposing the Thought Monsters. I love it how you feel into whether a thought is true or a monster and then relate it back to how you are feeling. Very inspiring!
How beautiful and light and easy you’ve just described a trouble we are or were all in. The way to getting more solid in choosing from our inner true voice. While we all connect to our inner heart more and more. And yes: we all “slip up” sometimes*
Thanks Emily, I can totally relate to the ‘thought monster’ just waiting to eat you up if you allow it.
I like the way you have talked about your relationship with yourself now and the understanding you have – making everything about realisations and learning, rather than being hard on yourself. Much more fun than letting the monster have its way!
I agree Kylie. Even by creating the name ‘the thought monsters’ immediately introduces a playful element that invites an exploration in place of being controlled by them.
Thank you Emily. I love your playfulness with this. The thought monsters sometimes come in and have a wild party in my head, to which I more often than not am now able to put a stop to. No more parties!! The questioning of myself and measuring how much I let out is far too painful now that I know myself so much more. Love to read more of your blogs Emily!
I love your line, ‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’
When I consider how I sometimes live – wanting permission from others, I realise how I construct a prison around myself and live in a state of anxiety – will I / won’t I be approved? It’s a way of living that deprives me of feeling how amazing I am and blessing the world with who I truly am. It is no wonder I feel claustrophobic as a result and have often to go outside, escape and get some fresh air.
It makes total sense that only I can give myself this freedom – how could it be any other way?
I agree Karin, ‘true freedom is not something someone else can give you , but what you give yourself’. This should be put down in the great quotes of all time list!
Ah those pesky thought monsters, what a pain they can be and how they manifest into our everyday lives. There was a time when I wouldn’t even question or notice how harsh and unloving they can be towards myself and others but these days I am more able to gently challenge their existence and not believe everything they tell me.
Thanks for saying out loud the conversation I’m sure so many of us have had over our lifetimes! It’s amazing just how crippling those “Thought Monsters” can be and just how often they pop up. And like you point out, it can just be as simple as catching the “Thought Monsters” and sorting out them out from our true thoughts
I love how you have simplified this for us all, I can relate to ‘if I feel like saying this or doing that, I will try my best to do it, and try my best to stay me regardless if it shakes anyone a bit’ I am also learning this presently, often it is when there is something I feel to say to someone that the ‘thought monsters’ rear their ugly heads, but as I remember to hold the other person as an equal, speak my truth lovingly and make the connection between us a priority I am finding people are mostly very open and receptive! So it seems to me these monsters appear much bigger than they actually are!
With Love,
Pernilla
Hi Emily. What an amazing thing you have done by documenting the quality of our unhinged thoughts – or monsters as you have so appropriately called them. Through your writing we can easily see how we can get so carried away with them and how removed we can be from ourselves through these thoughts. Great article. Thank you.
Loving your light-heartedness here Emily and how you challenge and break down these thoughts to their bare bones. There is an art in allowing yourself to just be in all situations.
Emily it’s so interesting what you share as I reflect back as I read your blog what jumped out at me today was “So you’re saying, someone else should give you the permission for something you want to do, according to what mood they are in that day”. I remember when I was younger I would wait for so long to get permission from others if I wanted to do something, it’s so true it depends on their moods, I can feel this now that it was giving my power away.
Thank your Emily, I love your blog!
Yes I am allowed to be this amazingly loving and brilliant being and so are you!
That initial feeling we get of what we want to do or what is possible for us to do (before the thought monsters appear) is so precious. The more I follow up on that feeling, the more I am getting to know what it feels like. Then I can recognise it and appreciate it for what its telling me – that this is what is true for me right now.
Go for it and don’t let any, “Am I allowed to be’s” get in the way.
No matter how many times I re-read this blog, I can still find it gently reminding me that all these limiting thoughts of Can I – Can’t I do that? are absolute nonesense. Thank you Emily for an everlasting reflection to simply be me
Thank you Emily for unraveling the fights we often play in our heads and against our bodies. So playfully explored and lovingly debased.
Yeah, thought monsters: Had plenty of them 24/7! Now many of them are not there anymore. One is still regularly coming up: the early morning monster anxiousness. I wake up with an anxious feeling and the thought that something is wrong! Very strange, since there is actually nothing wrong in my life, on the contrary, my life is more fulfilling than ever. This is the thought that belongs to a life long pattern that catches me on a morning when I feel vulnerable. As if I don’t allow myself to appreciate me FULLY and know YES I AM WORTH IT. But this monster has a very short life, because I know now how to tackle this pattern. Thanks for sharing, Emily.
Hi Emily, I love the way you have written this article, playful, sweet and honest, yet absolutely nailing the point; “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care”. Thank you for this.
The ‘thought monsters’…perfect description, thank you for naming and shaming them Emily. I am all too familiar with the thought monsters which now feel diminished in strength and ability with their new found name.
This is such a great blog Emily – I love it and I love how you talk about the “thought monsters”. I definitely know when it is them and not a real true thought but sometimes I override my feeling and thats when disaster strikes. Like you I am learning so I don’t bash myself when I get it wrong.
I also love how you talk about true freedom being something you give yourself and not what another can give you. This is so true and learning to take deep care of myself is an ongoing process as I continue to review what works and what no longer works in my life. Letting go for me of that which no longer supports me also feels like another level of freedom.
Love what you have written Emily can so relate. “True freedom is not something that someone else gives you but rather what you give yourself ~ self love and self care . ” I have discovered this too in accepting that the responsibility is mine and mine alone. Divine.
Such a fun and simple way of putting the “thought monsters” to bed! love it Emily – there is so much in your blog i’ll have to read it again!
Thank you Emily, this is such a play-fully powerful message of taking responsibility for ourselves whilst not overly reacting when we realise the “thought monsters” have got the better of us.
This is funny but so true. How many times have we had these thoughts – they just pop in so quickly. Being vigilant and looking out for them helps. Knowing where they come from and that they are not the real me makes the difference.
I love the way you said that Ariana. throw away the key for sure !
Wow Emily what a great blog! Were I work we sell “Monster Spray” – its a room-spray that claim to remove Monsters in the room by spraying at them. I wish I would have something like that (and what would really work) for all against my monster thoughts. But what I found for me as an handling with them is: I say STOP to them. And I say: SIT! (like to a dog) “Sit down and stop, thought”. While you are sitting there I will connect to my inner-heart again and then we will see if you are still there. If I do not stop monster thoughts they go on like a hamster in a wheel….
Sandra, I love how you treat your thought monsters… like a dog to command to STOP , SIT.
That you recognize the “thought monsters” as something you can control and give yourself some ‘ breathing space’ to check what type of thought it is.. is it true or not?. I realise how many times in the day that i go and act on a thought and not till later realising actually i was dictated by it. And that there was no choice at all . I was the ‘dog’ in this situation!! haha!
Isn’t this work of awareness of energy amazing?.. that we can get to feel the energy driving a thought if we have but some inner- me- space- awareness to witness “what isn’t me” from.
Thank you Serge and Universal Medicine! Thank you Emily for a fun simple way of explaining what happens to us all.
I so relish reading your playful and freeing blog again Emily.
Giving ourselves permission to love our bodies and who we are is I agree, the true freedom in life.
Thank you Emily, for the way you made these thought monsters playfull, they are not a big deal, but we can get lost in them sometimes…
Absolutely Benkt, if we allow the ‘thought monsters’ in, it’s very easy to get lost in them and begin to doubt everything we do. I know I’ve experienced this a lot in the past!
Thank you Emily, so beautifully and playfully written. I now have 2 phrases that can bring my awareness into focus …..’Thought Monsters’ and ‘True Thoughts’.
Awesome!!!
I was re-reading the questions at the top – why do we ask for permission to be our selves. If we stop to feel, our way forward is obvious, what we want to express is obvious, and the doubts get drowned out by the fact that we know in our bodies what will support, and what will harm.
As soon as I saw the first three words of the title of this blog today “Am I Allowed…” – YES was what came to me straightaway, so clearly no thought is sight, Am I allowed to be me and everything that brings, the simple, knowing and powerful answer is YES.
Awesome Emily! Thank you for sharing. Your way of expressing something we all experience makes it clearer to see. I am going to use your term ‘thought monsters’ with my kids. It is gold! I just know it will help make it clearer for them too. Deep appreciation!
What a great description on those thoughts (thought monsters) that can enter and the games we play in our minds that can take control, if we are not vigilant. I am allowed to be me wherever I am or whoever I am with and in whatever I am doing. Thank-you Emily for your gentle reminder.
Very cool Emily, and so wisely put. Your blog describes a way of true honesty and truthfulness with ourselves – that yes, can most definitely be a learning and unfolding process, and one that I have found also, is so worthy of undertaking. Such richness is within all of us, just awaiting for what we truly feel to be acknowledged. There is no end to the depths we can get in touch with within.
I will be particularly vigilant of any ‘thought monsters’ that come my way today, and dutifully see them for what they are and send them on their way!
Yes Victoria, it seems the use of the term, thought monsters could become a great phrase to use to send to send those unwanted thoughts lovingly packing.
Emily, your post is timeless. I read it just after I came back from staying with a friend of a friend for the weekend. It wasn’t easy being in someone’s house without actually knowing the “rules” of the person, how they run their kitchen etc. So I found myself constantly asking: “Shall I do this or that…?” ” ‘Would you like me to do such and such?…” “How would you like this and that?…” It was exhausting not only for me but for the host as well. So she called it out and said “Just do whatever and be you.” It was liberating and exposing. It shows me how often-especially with other people-I want to be accepted and feel being part of a family, pleasing everyone in every possible way forgetting about my feeling and often holding back from speaking the truth.
The acceptance I feel in this blog is so beautiful, thank you Emily. And it is simply that isn’t it, allowing ourselves to feel the connection with ourselves and sometimes we listen more, sometimes not so much, but no matter what our choices have been, to be honest and take responsibility for our choices. It brings a different light to responsibility, because it is not a self-bashing or harsh criticism, it is an acceptance of everything, an appreciation of our awareness and a deepening of understanding of ourselves. This way it actually feels more difficult to choose the monsters next time!
thank you Emily for bringing to light the “thought monsters” that we all get tricked and distracted by. wouldn’t this be cool as a lesson at school?
Yes I love this too. Calling out the thought monsters – that really sums it up.
Loved reading your blog again Emily and the message you bring with your playfulness. I am beginning to listen less and less to the thought monsters and stop them before they start to take hold. It has been interesting when I catch myself with one, I can hear myself say “where on earth did that come from”, because they sometimes sound so ridiculous!
Its crazy really to think that we don’t want to rock the boat as Emily states, but perhaps we should put those thought monsters that we all have from time time in the boat and flip it!!
What a lovely light playful article- we all know this and it is great to ponder about it and reveal the prison you keep yourself in with these thoughts. Acceptance of where you are at and of any action will let you grow naturally and in your own flow.
‘Thought Monsters’, What a great way to describe that voice that takes us away and off the path of clarity. It reminds me of the picture of the angel on one shoulder and the devil on the other, whispering in each ear. We actually deny this is occurring every day. Awesome Emily that you bring a playful slant to what is really going on, all the time.
Love your blog Emily. I was smiling as I was reading it because that has been me, constantly seeking permission outside of myself because of the ‘am i allowed to’ thought monsters. Taking responsibility for our choices is so much more self loving.
The way you wrote this Emily with the conversational style tickled me pink. I can so relate to the way these thought monsters try to bussle their way in. Your way of being so sensible, practical, loving and patient with yourself come through so strongly in what you have shared.
I’d say it’s pretty darn awesome.
Thank you, Emily, for sharing this with us. I am very familiar with the Thought Monsters and have found that when I feed them love, they subside and I return to myself. Still working on this 24/7.
‘True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am’, this is beautiful Emily, so simple. This is something I am doing more and more; and the more I love the body I am in and accept myself the more amazing, playful and well I feel.
I love this Line today “… I’m scared if I open my mouth or do something, I might cause a reaction from someone.” I didn’t realise how much I hold back from sharing how I feel because of the though monsters in my head and this fear I have of what may come back. It’s actually quite huge and can be felt throughout my whole body, in a tension a holding on, that sense of where we have so much to share and say but we hold onto it, and then that gives those monsters food to play with so to speak. Through experience the more I am speaking up and speaking my truth the more natural it feels to express in this way, there’s no doubt or hesitation or should I say that, it just naturally comes out, and the feeling I am left with in my body is not tension or a holding back, but a space, freedom and a joy, I am left feeling way more like me.
It does feel so natural doesn’t it Gyl. Just so freeing and healing and supportive not to mention so loving to simply express how you feel in any situation. My body is so much softer now, it used to be so hard but not now I am expressing it’s so amazing.
Thought monsters, I love this words, it brings it to the point.
The question of “Am I allowed” is the holding back of making my own decisions and step into the full responsibility of my life choices.
I Love the word you gave it „Thought-Monsters“ – makes it funny right away and the importance you ‚thought‘ it had, is gone…
Gorgeous blog Emily. I loved the simple way you put it. It was such a joy to read and such a playful way of looking at something that can otherwise be very serious.
‘I calibrate what or basically who I am going to be depending on who I am around, so as to not ‘disturb the peace’ These are words I recognise as something I have done and still do. In holding back in this way, we are not being fully who we are and deprive everyone around us of the opportunity to change. True expression is essential if we are to move out of our comfortable existence and evolve.
Awesome blog Emily. I too have been pondering a lot lately on how I have controlled my life so as “not to rock the boat”. To make sure that I say all the right things so that someone else doesn’t get upset with me, because I’m scared that they won’t like me anymore, or worse still – that they will no longer love me. I have also realised just how much energy this takes to hold it all together, to keep everything being OK. I’m now starting to understand that by just being me, it doesn’t matter how someone else reacts.
The ‘they will no longer love me’ gets me too. Thats my worst.
Thank-you Emily for your gorgeous and very relatable blog. And I agree whole-heartedly about being gentle with yourself if you do make an unloving or unsupportive choice. Your still amazing and your still equally love, no matter what. My saying for myself is, Nevertheless I am love but I’m feeling what would be more appropriate now is, Nevertheless I am Divine it has an awesome ring to it.
I feel like you have just perfectly captured my own inner dialogue – the often internal struggle to allow yourself just to be when all the rights and wrongs or “thought monsters” get in the way. It’s lovely to feel in fact we are not alone in this but that it also doesn’t have to be the way.
I love what you have said here Jade: “in fact we are not alone in this but that it also doesn’t have to be the way”.
Yes, Jade I recognise the ‘inner dialogue’ written by Emily too – it is like a carbon copy of my own and the reminder to just BE when the ‘thought monsters’ of that old belief of right or wrong are running amok is a preferred way – so much less exhausting too.
Thank you for drawing our attention to the two different types of thoughts we can have. I find ‘thought monsters’ is such an apt and playful name for the type that has “drive or push or fear” behind it. How empowering would it be if we all learned to clearly disinguish between the two and be able to only choose the ones that offer love, openness, respect and realisation.
This is just so simple and so great to read. I have battled with the ‘thought monsters’ most of my life and only in the last few years and understanding more about what is self care, self nurturing and loving thoughts, anything that is not those are thought monsters and to ignore them. That has been a process and ever ongoing. To learn to discern for oneself and to question what comes into my head and then back track as you have shared, helps enormously in understanding yourself and listening less to those thoughts that are just not loving.
Awesome blog Emily, I love it. You make so clear the distinction between thoughts that are helpful, and those we need to clearly give the flick to… your list is so relatable. I would have loved to read this when I was 20 and struggling with so many similar things as you’ve outlined.
I have been thinking a lot about my “allowed to’s” lately and have found that I calibrate what or basically who I am going to be depending on who I am around, so as to not ‘disturb the peace’.
Thanks for sharing this Emily, I can so relate!
But from practise I have found that if I don’t worry about other people’s reactions, and I just allow myself to feel whatever I feel, and be the amazing woman that I am, then often that has an effect and rubs of on them and I get to see their amazingness too.
This is so true. Yet it is only when we allow ourselves to just be all that we are that we often see the unfoldment of another. So where along the line did we learn to hold ourselves, and consequently others, back? This is truly bonkers!
Thank you Emily for your gorgeous expression. I too have felt the yuck of the moment lost when I had the opportunity to say or do what I really feel but then I hesitate incase I upset someone. I am learning that this is both dishonouring of me and the person I am with and that if I am simply being me and allowing myself to express from this space then anything I say is supportive to all involved even if someone does get upset.
That was lovely Emily. Light and simple, reminding me that the thought monsters are not really as scary and tough as they pretend to be.
I agree Emily we all slip up at times and my favorite word when that happens is “OOPS “ and then I get back on track.
I was actually able to get to these thought monsters after a discussion group with you Mary-Louise xx
I find that too Mary-Louise, when I slip up I accept the ‘oops’ and get myself back on track.
I love the oops – and getting back on track, it lets problems melt away.
Awesome blog Emily, I love your expression and your writing. These thought monsters I find sometimes can disguise themselves too, to pretend to be true thoughts but I found the easiest way I have managed to tell the difference is to ask myself these kinds of questions you are asking. Is this loving? Does this support me? Or am I trying to hide myself in a big piece of cake…
You are a great storyteller Emily – and a true one at that! Thanks for sharing your story with us in such a funny lighthearted way. I too have been learning to ask myself the questions in a much more of a matter of fact way (and sometimes kind & loving way) and it sure does beat the Thought Monsters!
I love the lightness and simplicity of your article exposing the voice inside all of us that makes us question every little thing and leaves us in a state of turmoil and self doubt. It’s amazing how when we stop and question the ‘thought monster’ it’s power diminishes, we discover we are free to choose afterall, and taking responsibility for our choices is so much more rewarding than being driven by the voice of the ‘thought monster’. I love your statement that true freedom is not something someone else can give us, but it’s what we give ourselves. And that’s self-love.
Thanks Emily for your great blog. So lighthearted and fun. Such a beautiful reminder of how to be with ourselves, no self critique, just observing, taking responsibility and allowing ourselves the space to do it differently next time.
I returned to this blog today as a reminder of the importance to claiming my true expression as well as keeping life light. Thank you, Emily.
Hi Emily
Well said, the good thing is not to feel guilty about having slipped again. What great freedom when that load is off, and then we can really be responsible when we are no longer the slave of our thought monsters.
Letting our mistakes be our learnings rather than another opportunity for the ‘thought monsters’ to reign supreme and torture us with words. What a turn around this presents. Thank you, Emily.
Gorgeous Emily! I can so relate to your Thought Monster story, and how easily I also got lost in the litany of ‘am I allowed to’s that plagues young life! Couldn’t have said it better…
I agree Dianne we can all relate to the concept of thought monsters undermining our confidence and if not, maybe it is actually a thought monster who is in charge.
I just love how you wrote this blog Emily, a truly wonderfully clear and funny expression. And naming it the ‘ Thought Monsters’ – is such a good way of putting it out there for all to see.
I am laughing from reading this blog; laughing with you, feeling every word ringing in my body. The “thought monsters” are just the best image you have offered to us all. I see mine as a demented Cookie monster character, constantly asking “Am I allowed too…..?” and weighing in with its “you’re no good” opinions. Now visualised as arising from a furry blue puppet, it is far easier to laugh at these thoughts when they start going.
The “am I able?” questions are very inspiring and the natural antidote to the ridiculous thought monsters that try tear us down. As for the question “Am I allowed to look smoking hot?” the answer is simple. You ARE.
I too loved the lighthearted and playful use of the “thought monsters” to explain how we can debilitate ourself with our self talk. And the opposite so beautifully covered too with the “am I able” conversation. No heaviness, no self criticising, just an observation and then if something wasn’t quite right observing it, accepting responsibility and “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”.
Hilarious Rachel – when you visualise all of our self loathing or doubting thoughts like that it really does make zero sense why we listen to them!
It is amazing how difficult it is for us to be our true amazing selves when it should be the most normal thing in the world to be.
Taking responsibility for our choices with love and acceptance and no self judgement. Awesome blog. Thank you Emily.
I have spent my life calibrating my responses depending on who I am addressing them to. It has been so liberating to start to let go of this behaviour and not to beat myself up when I get it wrong but see myself as a work in progress and enjoy sharing more of the true me with other people.
I feel that too Helen to let go of beating myself up when I get it wrong – a moment of oops! and to not get too serious and too self critical. I’ve really enjoyed reading this blog Emily. Thought monsters beware.
I am so familiar with that inner compliance dialogue. Thank you for bringing the lightheartedness to it. So inspiring.
Thank you Emily for shedding light on the Thought Monsters and how we are so busy with telling ourselves all the time what we are not instead of confirming us in our amazingness. Getting stuck by the what is not is one of the biggest evil of the world. Its so beautiful to live with the easiness that mistakes don’t matter, they are just a marker in learning to choose more lovingly.
Fantastic blog Emily. You have called the thought monsters out of the closet so well! You are 19 and have the wisdom of a seasoned psychologist or councillor – taking responsibilty for your choices with love and care. Absolutely awesome! Thank you
I can relate to the true relationships, which is so different from friendships. I am learning now what it means to have a true relationship with somebody, where truth is expressed and where there is no holding back of any kind. I am becoming aware that within many relationships, there are a lot of unspoken expectations and where we don’t want the other to change too much, because this might expose us. Then a relationship can be a comfortable place where there is no learning and no evolving. But it all starts by giving myself permission to be me…..
I love this Susan, it makes life simple.
Reading this again is so beautiful in confirming all I am and reflecting the importance of allowing this. It is definitely true freedom to allow oneself to be oneself fully in a relationship with oneself first and hence with others in this ever evolving love and care joyfully. Thank you Emily
So confirming to read your blog again, Emily. Giving myself permission to be me has been a long process – but truly worthwhile. I have found out who I was along the way, and that I am enough as I am without any trying to be enough for someone else. As I am now reflecting more of who I am it also frees up the other person to make their own decision without me getting in the way. It opens up the way for honesty and a true relationship.
exactly Susan. No more rules, should’s or ought’s!
I have found that setting a marker and claiming said marker through voicing and action really helps to lessen the thought monsters. Thoughts of ‘You’re not worth caring for / you’re being harsh with yourself and will never change’ are being silenced when I say to myself ‘No! I am not worthless and I can change, I have the lived experience of treating myself in a much more loving way’. By acknowledging and appreciating the moments where I am caring and loving towards myself I have a greater momentum to stop the downward spiral of self-criticism. And while not perfect, what this blog reminded me was that acceptance is equally as important, not just showing my thought monsters all the care I can give myself but to actually say to myself and accept and claim that I am not what the thoughts say I am but what I feel that is more true and real.
Great sharing Leigh, I agree giving ourselves markers when are living amazingly, appreciating and acknowledging those times is vital. And, yes acceptance of ourselves is big.
Hear hear – great summarisation of Leigh’s comment Lorraine, and so true – appreciation, acknowledgement and acceptance are key to dropping into the love that we all are.
I like the very playful way you have written this – it flushes out those ‘thought monsters’ in a very simple and direct way. Its a useful reminder that in some strange way there are these two different sources of thoughts – from truth that can potentially help you out of a situation, and then from the reaction that buries you further into it. And begs the question of which one am I going to allow to make the decisions in my life?
..’true freedom is not something that someone else can give you but what you give yourself- self love and self care‘ – I love that too Gill.
Lovely conversation with yourself Emily, I really enjoyed reading the gentle shift in thinking that it portrayed.
Emily, I can relate to the heady doubting of oneself that you have described in this blog. Recently I have found this way of over-thinking to be quite exhausting and when I just let go of trying to work things out mentally and instead trust that i have a deeper knowing in me, the answer and way forward seems to just pop up almost magically and without so much effort.
This made me chuckle. We all have them, these thoughts, yet when we really talk through them they seem ludicrous. It is a shame we do not have more hours in the day to deconstruct these thoughts…..but that’s where the body steps in. It knows, we just have to listen and honour it.
I love re-reading this blog. It reminds me that being me is so much more than enough. I love expressing and just saying naturally what comes up to share with people, and then the beautiful thing is: i have these amazing conversations and responses. Sharing my truth and really saying how i feel and what is going on, gives an opening in having a real conversation and really connecting with others.
Beautifully expressed Emily a real joy to read Thank you I love it 🙂
Emily I could relate to your question…”Am I allowed to…..” this used to be a back ground question that was there most of the time, but as I learn that it is ok to be me and stay lovingly with myself then I no longer need to ask myself this as I will just naturally know what is the right thing to do or say.
I agree Alison. it is great to drop “Am I allowed to” and use “do I feel to” instead
True freedom is definitely loving the bodies we are in. And to get to that I have worked with acceptance, self-care, gentleness, awareness of my ‘thought monsters’ and how they play out mean scripts to keep me lacking in confidence and comparing myself endlessly to others, and an ever developing willingness to love my mistakes – knowing they are beautiful opportunities to learn and deepen my relationship with myself. Thank you, Emily, for your palpable sweetness and wisdom.
What a great blog Emily. It’s crazy the “thought monsters” that are within everyone, from explicitly suppressing our expression to influencing the way we behave in disguise in every act and move we make in life, but if everyone in society has them, then perhaps that means there is something else behind them?
I love the humor and lightness in your blog, Emily. It is fun to read and makes me laugh, taking it light instead of indulging in self loathing thoughts. Beautiful.
Me too Kerstin, the lightness and the humour make it so easy to really get it too, and to working on banishing these little beasties with a laugh instead of a bashing
“Am I allowed?” This question really reveals how we have built a library of ways of being that we consider acceptable… and that certain ways of being are acceptable for one situation but may be not another. In fact we may have as many ways of being as we have situations! This sounds ridiculous, but if we are constantly assessing, judging and predicting any situation we find ourselves in, then surely we’ll have a moderated (tailor-made) way of being in it? Love the way you’ve brought True Expression to the table with this blog Emily and an exploration of what it means to be and express as yourself.
It is ridiculous, but then reading the comments to this blog (and from my own personal experience) we all have a similar experience! It is exhausting, disempowering and entirely self motivated. Learning to track those soulful thoughts, and not indulge in the others is of huge importance to us all if we don’t want to end up with a moderated existence. Urgh
I love the way you have a conversation with yourself in this blog. It exposes all the stuff that goes on in our heads all the time! Your honesty is very refreshing.
Yes and in such a playful yet powerful way that we all get it and all can benefit from it, time and time again.
Emily I like what you share “instead of bashing myself, I’m realising why (in most cases it’s ‘cause I feel alone, or tired, or want to bury some feeling beneath a big pile of cake), then I’m accepting my choice and moving on.” I can completely resonate with this, I have moments like this too. This allows me to take a step back and really feel into what is it I am buring and not wanted to feel. Once I capture it I just accept my choice and move on.
Thank you Emily I can so relate to this blog, what I loved about it was the way you let it unfold from what we think is allowed, or not, to what we are able to do, to our capability – and keeping it so lighthearted and fun. There is a lot of space in your expression and a feeling of freedom and responsibility at the same time. Beautiful.
I love this Emily Thank you for sharing. I love the ‘am I allowed to ‘ questions we live with and it is so freeing to simply be allowed to be who we are naturally and the joy of allowing ourselves to express this is amazing to feel.
You look amazing and like someone who is in control of their ‘thought monsters’. Your sharing will also free others. Thank you for being open and exposing.
Such a wise and insightful blog Emily. ‘ Don’t get me wrong, there are some things I definitely can’t do – but I don’t feel limited by these things when I make the choices to not do them, I feel confident and content with these choices’ and this makes the world of difference choices made from confidence and love rather than can’t do or shouldn’t do. Awesome.
Great quote “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” It is deeply empowering and freeing to learn how to care for my own body, make my own choices and take responsibility, beautiful!
Gorgeous blog Emily – getting into relationship with your Thought Monsters … Love it!
Brilliant blog Emily – “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care”. I LOVE THIS – it gives the power all back to you. It is something that I have experienced a lot in the past – I can feel ‘trapped’ by thoughts of self-loathing for example, or I can take back my own life and make choices that make me feel good, think thoughts that don’t crush me and put me down, and ultimately feel a lot free-er.
It’s interesting how commonly we have to ask ourselves so many questions. Your blog has highlighted how we can grow up to be so unsure of ourselves to the point where we need to have that internal dialogue to figure out if it would be best to do something, be in a certain way, or express an opinion. Noticing these thoughts really helps bring an awareness to what’s going on. Thank you Emily.
What kind of education system, or peer groups, or role models must we have when it is so common to grow up being so unsure of ourselves. I don’t doubt your observation for a moment Rosanna, but this underlying question is an indictment of the current state of things, and really highlights just how important it is to have different role models, teaching us the confidence to simply express what we feel without being worried, or requiring an internal dialogue.
It would be so much more supportive to encourage children to simply express what they are feeling instead of trying to make them fit into certain schemes of behaviour.
Great blog Emily. I love your quote: ‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’
To give myself permission to express from where I am is a form of self-love and self-care. I am still in the process of building that and trusting it is ok to write or say what I feel. And yes only I can give this to myself.
I can feel with your blog and my own questioning thoughts or looking outside for answers, just how exhausting this really is. Looking at it from outside it’s laughable as in this is crazy spending all this time and energy asking these questions, when all along I know what I really feel, and my thoughts are often a distraction to take me away from this.
Hi Emily, I love this blog, it’s super light and playful, but really exposes evil, as in those tricks our mind can play with us to try and make us doubt ourselves.
Superb expression Emily, I love seeing such wisdom coming out of the younger generations.
Yes me too, very inspiring.
Yes Kevin I agree and it is also very inspiring for me that Emily didn’t hold back with all her wisdom inside – wunderbar!
Yes Monica, blogs like this get us to question where all these ‘should’s or shouldn’t’s’ actually come from.
I found you blog easy to relate to, especially the thought monster. A great way of putting it. It really brings home what a devastating effect negative thoughts can have on us. When we realise they are only thoughts, we have the power to change those thoughts. As many other commenters have shared, the stand out quote for me was this one – “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” Thanks for your insights Emily.
I know those thought monsters Emily…a perfect name for them, they manage to creep in just when you are feeling great and try and make you doubt yourself. The amazing thing is that you just have to say no to them and not feed them and they can disappear as fast as them came.
My “thought monsters” Alison – rather than creeping in, more like a stampede! Isn’t is amazing that we have the awareness to realise when a thought monster is approaching and that we can make the responsible choice to just say no.
Yep Alison, that is the trick – to say no to them, not feed them and send them packing.
I love how wisdom can be shared so simply and playfully. Emily what you present is so powerful … the “thought Monster” does not discriminate …we have all had a visit or two …and I can certainly relate to the irrational pull that plays out between the head and the heart. To recognise those moments where we “pull away from our initial response” I am bringing more awareness to and in those moments I can stop and choose before it “slips away from you”….
Emily I love how you completed your piece with the simple message of “acceptance’ being key to taking responsibility for ourselves and our choices…
It’s such a joy to make the leap of living a life consistently built around truth, and therefore not have to adapt and present different versions of ourselves according to who we are around. It is both liberating, and a true joy to live.
Your ‘The ‘why’ sometimes doesn’t even matter, I don’t need a reason, just acceptance, and as long as there’s an “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better” ‘ really stands out for me. So often when I can let go of a particular event which, with hindsight, I could have handled differently I find a similar one comes along…and this time if I have given myself that freedom from the past, which comes from acceptance, I can make a different choice. It feels like responsible recycling
Yes this is a great point. It is about acceptance and the ‘why’ does in fact not matter. There will always be a next time and with knowing that we can make another choice there and then, this feels so powerful and also supporting in letting go of the past and come back to the present moment.
That’s awesome Kathie, I love the responsible recycling when recognising a similar opportunity and how that is founded on the freedom from the past that comes with acceptance., true acceptance.
Thought monsters and responsible recycling – these are wonderful descriptions that have brought fun and a lightness to my morning. Thank you Emily and Kathie
I agree, Kathie. Rather than going into the mind and over analysing everything that we have done wrong, I love this approach of acceptance and responsibility, to simply say – I made a mistake, what can I learn from it? It is great to know that if we don’t get it right this time, another opportunity will present itself.
…because we can’t be perfect any way. Since I can accept this I noticed my live is so much easier and lighter. And the learning is to accept others in their un-perfection as well and it opens doors to meet with playfulness not coming from a serious mind. I remember as a child I used to be very much loose and I used to laugh a lot. Growing up was getting harder to fit in what others would say about me and this behaviour was hugely numbing my joy. This choice is not there anymore, I have found my inner freedom and smile and laugh from there, not needing others to do so too, but to just be me.
I made a mistake, what can I learn from it? Such a simple question yet great at the same time as it leaves one open to learning, growing and moving forward knowing that another opportunity will present itself, so true Janet.
Responsible recycling, I like that Kathie. Recognising that the “Thought Monster” is not the true me gives me an opportunity to move out of my old patterns of behaviour, really quite simple and a loving choice to make for myself.
How fun to read this Emily. Such a playful way to look at the ‘thought monsters’ I know all too well. It really makes me aware of how easily we can let our guards get in the way of being ourselves.
Freedom certainly is what we give ourselves – and this is such an inspiring way to address the next doubt I have to show my true self.
Great blog Emily. I love that you’ve totally exposed the ‘thought monster’ for what it is. I know that in the past I completely accepted this as being me and I can see how this then shaped further choices and my life. Thankfully I now know that the ‘thought monster’ is not me but just beliefs I have about myself to keep me stuck in old patterns. Knowing this has meant I can see these thoughts for what they are and choose differently. What a difference this makes to how I feel about myself!
A helpful blog Emily.
Arguing with my ‘thought monsters’ recently, I realised the “bashing” myself for a ‘slip-up’ had a worse outcome than the ‘slip-up’ ! Acceptance and love always.
I have found that as well, Wendy – judging and chastising ourselves for a slip-up is far worse than the slip-up itself; it’s like the scorpion’s sting coming all the way across from the back and delivering the real poison.
So true Gabriele! Awesome analogy. I’m working on lopping off that tail, once and for all!
There is a way…Rhythm, Rhythm, Rhythm. Thank you for your insight.
Yes, brilliant blog Emily! And I agree Wendy, bashing ourselves for a slip-up has a worse outcome than the slip-up itself. Recognising these “Thought Monsters” gives us the freedom to just SAY NO! Now that IS love and acceptance.
Oh yes, I know that one Wendy. Which really demonstrates to us the absolute healing which can come from being loving towards ourselves first and foremost.
Lovely Wendy, I often do the “bashing” if I have had a slip up, so I love what you have written about ‘Acceptance and Love always’, this then allows learning and moving on from what has happened, rather than the slip up becoming a huge painful thing that keeps going.
Agreed, the beating myself up goes on, and on, and on – far outlasting the original slip up. A crazy pattern, continually fed by those thoughts which goes on and on for as long as I allow it. The important thing is recognising that I am the one that stops the merry go round, presses the reset button and makes the decision to come back to me and start again.
Great analogy Simon. That we can press our own reset button, stop whatever untoward behaviour is going on, come back to our self and start again. I love it.
So do I Simon. It is wonderful now that I have found my reset button. The perfectionism that I have lived and fostered for most of my life made it pretty challenging to accept that I was the ONLY one holding myself to ransom. Press.. Reset.. Love, acceptance and appreciation.
Lovely blog Emily, thank you. At one point in my life my ‘thought monsters’ were rampaging and its a wonder that I ever said a word for fear of upsetting someone. Then there were those moments of ‘initial response’, where you want to say something and don’t and then regret it afterwards. These days I still have the ‘thought monsters’ trying to get their way but I am a lot more wise to them now so they don’t control me as much and with the ‘initial response’ moments, I am working on expressing what I feel so there is less regret and as you say , we all slip up now and then but not to beat ourselves up.
Thank you for this very refreshing blog.
The ‘am I allowed?’ questions and everyone’s responses really highlight how common it is to disempower oneself and dishonour the truth of what we feel to be true, so this blog is super important – thank you Emily.
Yes, thank you Emily, and Janet, this blog is super important – it’s great, and very necessary, exposing those “thought monsters” for what they are and knowing that we DO have the choice to say no to them and be our true selves.
Thank you Emily for bringing out in the open the ‘allowed tos’ I can totally relate to these and have found them coming up a lot lately so thanks for the insight into them.
Love the way you have so playfully exposed the ‘Thought Monsters’ that drive so much of my behaviour. The more I am able to recognise them and let them go without beating myself up the more room there is to celebrate the real me. Thanks Emily for your inspiration.
Brilliant Emily, full of humour and truth. Those ‘thought monsters’ do get in the way sometimes – If I let them!
‘Those ‘thought monsters’ do get in the way sometimes – If I let them!’ – Me too Judy, and we always have a choice of whether or not we allow them in.
This is a beautiful article to read Emily, thank you for sharing. I completely relate to all of the ‘am I allowed to..’s and have also found that when I give myself the permission to just be myself there is nothing I am not allowed to do; especially not when I so naturally do so with a great love of myself and for those around me. I am certainly allowed to be myself! how crazy to think that we could ever live otherwise.
Thanks, Cherise, I love how you have highlighted an obvious but generally unasked question – how crazy is it that we don’t feel we are allowed to be ourselves?
Cherise, what you write is great. Once we are ourselves, the question of ‘allowing’ doesn’t seem to arise – everything in my experience then is about choices and consequences. Allowing doesn’t get a look-in!
Thanks for sharing here Emily, a great reminder not to look to the outside and to stay accepting ourselves as we are.
Hey Emily, yep I can feel those same ‘thought monsters’ knocking on my door at times and I love putting the hand up to them gesticulating a flick with an “off you go, not coming in here today……I’m choosing me!
I can feel the humour, lightness and acceptance of yourself in your words and this is powerful for all to read as it allows us all to feel how accepting we can choose to be instead of the ‘beating up’ we can go into. Inspiring!
This reminds me that when I’m being playfull with these ‘guys’, it allows me to be in the acceptance of ALL of me and continue to hold the joy I am, building love further in my body and feeling even more of me…Mmmm…Love-ly!
Thanks Emily, for all your bring. Gorgeous photo!
How familiar those “Am I allowed to ” questions are Emily. Mine are usually phrased in terms of ‘what will happen if I…?” You’ve so simply shown us how we let our thoughts stop us from expressing who we truly are, which as you and I know is an amazing being full of love and joy. When we hold back it is not just us that loses out, but the world.
I get those to Michelle, the ‘What will happen it I..?’ Thats a blog in itself !
Giving yourself permission to be who you truly are and calling out the thought monsters feels very empowering. Thank you for sharing.
I totally agree Vicky. I had this realisation today that I CAN actually make the simple choice to be loving with myself and ditch the thought monsters, they’re WAY past their sell by date now, and it gave me a tremendous sense of empowerment.
The description “Thought Monsters’ is very apt Emily, there is nothing loving, gentle or nurturing about those thoughts that come in to keep us feeling small – until we catch them out and stop playing the game.
Emily this is great, the thought monsters got insistent with me only this weekend so to read this blog made me laugh out loud because it is such a great way to describe them. So different to when we are having true, loving and supportive thoughts. You have clearly defined this so playfully! Those greebly thought monsters always create complication I find, rather than the simplicity that is naturally there when I am just being myself. Thank you
Great clarity Jeanette on the difference between the two…those thought monsters do create complication, and often try to take us into the future or the past, into judgment or comparison. Loving thoughts usually connect us with others in equality and sharing. I love your’s and Emily’s lighthearted and free expression. Thank you both.
Thank you for your beautiful observations too Paul, I agree. “Loving thoughts usually connect us with others in equality and sharing”. Exactly.
A true exposure of the ‘Thought Monster’ – thank you Emily. I relate SO much to the constant worry that what I’m going to say or do will affect others moods for the worse, or that I will come across ‘stupid’, ‘boring’, ‘crazy’ etc. etc., but the trick to avoiding those thoughts is…. Just be myself; super simple, super easy.
Love your blog Emily , thankyou .
It is so refreshing and inspiring to see young people with this level of “life” understanding. The world is offering distraction, parties, alcohol, tattoos, porn and a plethora of other misleading ways, so it is a miracle when someone 19 years of age can see what is really important. And what can be more important than understanding that it is not only ok to “Just be me!”, it is absolutely the only way to make it through life with any sense of well being. Well done, Emily!
Thanks, Gayle, I agree. This level of awareness and understanding of life, self and others is incredible, and so very different to the irresponsible and checked out behaviour the kids are often surrounded by at school etc. The younger generation of Universal Medicine students are amongst the incredible living examples of what is possible when love is brought into the equation.
This is so true.
Love the idea of the ‘Thought Monsters’ Emily, and agree with you and Sue that self love and self care give you true freedom. Its work in progress for me that one day my levels of self love and self care will give me freedom from the monsters. I imagine them as the sort of monsters depicted in tv adverts for disinfectant, and they look vaguely ridiculous- losing their power already!
Emily, this is a lovely blog to read – I love the way you describe those control games the mind is constantly presenting to us to believe as real and true (am I allowed to……?).
Well, thought monsters, I am beginning to feel, know and accept that you are not real and true -just a relentless program that can run on and on if not brought to a firm halt. I am also knowing it is okay to make mistakes, it is not about perfection (a long time in the learning!)
Your sentence says it all – “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.”
Emily, I too have a lot of these thought monsters and like you say it’s ok to have them. It’s taking responsibity for the choices we make and then try and understand what’s behind them so next time we make choices which are more loving.
Emily, Just stick to being you, you will know what is right and what is not.
Lovely sharing, Emily, and fabulous to have this understanding, and the awareness and confidence to express it at the age you are. Very inspiring.
I loved reading your article this morning Emily. Great reminder to not listen to the ‘thought monsters’.
Calibrating and attuning to each person I meet is exhausting. It is another great reminder that this is not a healthy or fulfilling way to live. It requires a lot of energy to constantly redefine our expression depending on who we meet, much easier to meet everyone in the same way. Just got to get rid of those ‘thought monsters’ that thinks this is a good idea!
I agree Stephen it does require so much energy to constantly redefine our expression depending on who we meet, I know this too well, and is a great reminder for me to be continually aware of, ‘am i just being me with every one I meet’?
Yes I agree, Stephen, it is exhausting to be constantly measuring and assessing how we need to be with each person we meet, and this gets in the way of a simple heartfelt connection with them and a sharing of ourselves in a natural way.
So true Stephen, love the way you said that… it is exhausting calibrating to each person I meet.
Love what you shared here Stephen, you are right it is exhausting calibrating to where others are at. What I am discovering as I do this less is that people come with so many different ways of communicating and expressing, not all of which feel loving and supportive to me, and as I feel these feelings the only way that I can stay myself is to in the moment, fully accept what I feel, in so doing loving all equally so. Not always achievable, but it is certainly getting easier.
So true Stephen. How exhausting to be constantly calibrating ourselves to fit a person or situation. With this we are not only harming ourselves but we are not not offering the other person the opportunity to meet the real us, further enabling relationships to operate behind smoke screens.
Very true Anne-Marie, if we are constantly adjusting what we will show to others not only is it exhausting, but no-one is truly being themselves.
Well said Stephen and I totally agree. Calibrating and attuning to each person we meet is totally exhausting and lays the foundations for a measured life. Living consistently and treating yourself and everyone else with equal grace, love and respect allows us to literally throw that measuring stick away.
Emily,
You present a great way to get a good look at what shapes our intentions, thoughts and actions. I and so many others can attest, that thought monsters are very real…but as you show, they only have power when we allow (invite) them to be in the drivers seat. With a willingness to truly question, we can get FREE of all that keeps us small and mis-shapen!
I also love this Jo that we all do have the choice to not invite and feed what keeps us ‘small and mis-shapen’.
Thank you very much Emily. I love the way you write. So much truth and wisdom with so much playfulness. I know these talks within my head and the thought monsters. I am also working on my acceptance of what is really going on. That makes it light and playful instead of the well-known self-bashing which makes it all worse. So from day to day I am ‘automatically’ going to make more self-loving choices.
“It’s when there’s that pulling away from my initial response, that moment where it was there, where I had the chance and then it slipped away sort of thing…. I am learning to minimise these moments”. I love this line Emily, and can relate to it very much – the moment of choice when we stay true to ourselves or deviate off into a lesser version that is no longer true. As you say, what is important is the acceptance of ourselves, that it is ok to make mistakes and learn from them.
It is a great reminder Janet that it is okay to make mistakes and learn from them, and that life is all about learning, and self growth and I agree, accepting ourselves is key.
Beautifully put Janet I am learning to minimise these moments too and that of acceptance .Thank you Emily for addressing this all and the thought monsters too.
Yes it’s great these moments get highlighted for what they are so that I know when they present themselves again I can choose to stay connected and say what there is to be said – even if it sometimes comes out a little clumsy because I’ve only just caught the vase before it fell to the floor.
I find that if I am abiding by rules that I have set myself i.e. I shouldn’t do/say/think/eat that etc., then I am not really being honest with myself. Once I get honest, I may allow myself to do certain things like eat cake (which is no crime, but does leave me feeling rubbish), but by doing so I am accepting myself and allowing myself to learn from the consequences of those actions.
You’ve got a good point there Jinya. Ticking boxes doesn’t work, I have discovered that myself. By accepting that it’s ok to make “mistakes” (in truth there are no “mistakes” only opportunities for learning) we can then evolve from them and truly move on, because we have then lived the experience for ourselves.
Dear Jinya,
Your honesty and truthfulness is awesome. I too have learnt a lot about myself by eating foods even though I knew that they affected me. Doing this has shown me that sometimes it is not the food that affects me as such. Sometimes it is more about why I ate it and how I was feeling as I ate it. The deep realisation is that I eat food for many reasons, when really the only reason to eat food is to nourish my body.
I love your blog Emily, it’s lightness, fun and clarity. I realise how important taking responsibility for all my choices are. Really clocking how rubbish I feel after I’ve let the ‘thought monsters’ rule the nest, gets me to come back to my true thoughts. What you have written about the difference between the two is really helpful.
I’m realising that not taking responsibility for my choices is like an open invitation to the thought monsters, as is leaving the building to go over and ask what other people think I am to do, when actually I’m the only person who knows what’s right for me.
thanks to your great blog for reminding me, that yep I slip up, but I can choose otherwise afterwards.
…’not taking responsibility for my choices is like an open invitation to the thought monsters’ – For me too, Karin.
Emily, you have just exposed why we need to create behaviours (like eating cake) that are to try and bury our feelings.. its because we have a moment where we feel ‘alone’, ‘tired’, ‘lesser’ or ‘lacking’ in some form. And what is it that we are lacking? Love, for ourselves. well done and such a relatable article and playfully written.
Simply put, but very true Harrison. All of our behaviours come from a lack of love for ourselves, and avoiding the pain we feel from this.
Harrison that is well put, we often create behaviours to cover up how we are really feeling. Perhaps something we’ve always done like having an afternoon “treat” that gets us through the day. However I also know if I feel hurt or uncertain about things, that’s when I tend to reach for something that I know makes me feel worse later. But I love how you call it no matter what – it’s when we are lacking Love for ourselves.
I love the dialogue at the beginning Emily, it is such an honest expression of what goes on in our heads so much of the time without us even noticing. Then deepening it into an awareness of what the “Thought Monsters” (I love that phrase too!) can be, shows how we can become a lot more aware about the complexity we have built for ourselves, and discern which thoughts actually are those monsters and which are not.
Yeah Joan I loved the thought monsters phrase, its exactly what they are. And they can really cripple people into states of depression and severe anxiety. Shows how the mind is a cruel and uncaring companion if we let it into the drivers seat.
True Vanessa. Thoughts can be cruel, and really take a hold. And as you say if we let them, can end up driving us to places we don’t want to be. It’s important for us to stay in the driver’s seat, but I know for myself I’m sometimes in the passenger’s seat.
And then we identify with the thought monsters and become them, Vanessa, and believe they are the driver (of us). What a truly horrible, insidious way to live; I know it well from the past, and even sometimes in the present, but now I understand what they are, I can name them and say no to them. There is such power in naming things for what they, then they are exposed and no longer have power over us.
That’s right Joan, name and shame the thought monsters for the imposters that they are! Our true selves are far more powerful.
‘The mind is a cruel and uncaring companion if we let it into the drivers seat.’ Absolutely, Vanessa – we get tricked so much by our thoughts, whereas our own innate wisdom knows truth all along – if we take care to feel and listen. Awesome blog, Emily, thank you.
Yes Carmel, taking time to feel and listen once those thought monsters are named and shamed. It is not us who should feel ashamed of being caught out by them when we notice them and say no to them, for we have given ourselves the space to allow our true feelings to be felt. However, I also feel that sometimes it is appropriate to eat something that we would usually choose not to, for the body may be telling us it needs that particular vitamin, mineral, chemical, and so on, at that time. It could be a once off and very loving to do that, as long as it does not then settle into a habit.
Yes true Vanessa and how much our thoughts can change when the heart is engaged first.
Dear Emily, you have addressed something most people can relate to so easily. I know i can and have found that when i am not fully ok with my self i start looking for something outside of myself and immediately my ‘inner police’ as i used to call it kicks in. A great marker and a great reminder that there is nothing greater then who we are, outside of ourselves.
Dear Carolien,
Thank you for saying that you used to call your thought monsters the inner police… That is so great for me. What I am discovering over the past couple of days is that when left absolutely alone I feel so joyful. So joyful. Infact it is absolutely gob smacking for me, as this marker I now have in my body shows me so clearly that what I have lived before was not joyful, even though I thought it was. What is becoming so evident is that the inner police make things complicated and serious if they are allowed to. My goodness here I was believing that adults had to be serious, Inner Police. Now I know Adults like children can and if living truthfully also feel as joyous and wondrous as a 2 year old.
Yes, Emily, I can really relate to the ‘thought monster’ that holds me back and causes me to question whether being me is acceptable to the rest of the world. Yes, sometimes I do need to consider where the thought is coming from – whether it’s from my heart or my head? And like you, I sometimes get it wrong and now I am gradually learning that that is OK too.
Emily, I absolutely loved the playfulness of your writting, please keep sending in blogs. For me discerning my true feelings from the ‘thought monsters’ is ever present. I know I missed a moment today because the thought monsters had a little win, but only a little one. I am so much more aware of them now. You know EVERYTIME they have a win, I am discovering that they actually give themselves away, this for me is making it much easier to zap them when it happens next, as it will.
Reading this I got a gorgeous picture of playing hide and seek with the thought monsters, and remembering the stage when if children close their eyes and can’t see you, they think they can’t be seen.
Love this Leigh – thank you! “….Every time the ‘thought monsters’ have a win, they actually give themselves away”. This is so true and gives me a whole new level of understanding and appreciation in those moments when they do rear their scurrilous little heads. This feels like true freedom; offering myself love and understanding and even celebration in the seeing more clearly the ‘thought layers’ that hinder the expression of the true me.
I can completely relate to all of what you have shared and I especially love how you have so aptly named those negative thoughts for what they really are – monsters indeed! What I am finding is that when I am aware of these monsters I check back in with my actions – often they are not as gentle as I know I can be when present with myself. Likewise when I notice my actions are rough my thoughts are likewise running amok. The more I continue to be willing to keep track I feel that it is a great means of quality control within my life.
Great, and very timely reminder to pay attention to the quality of my thoughts, thank you Emily.
Love your blog, Emily. I agree it’s all a work in progress, particularly learning to listen and discern the type of thoughts we’re having – and then of course to act upon them in our best interests – self care and self love. What I’ve noticed is that true thoughts come with a real gentleness, softness and almost a whispher. Blink and you miss it. Never pushy, rebuking or judging. Just there in the background, if I choose to listen. These days I pretty much know when I’ve disregarded a true thought because I immediately feel a level of sadness about leaving an opportunity for greater love for myself behind – by choice. Then what follows is an unpleasant knowing that I’m to face the inevitability of being confronted later with the consequences of that choice.
“Then what follows is an unpleasant knowing that I’m to face the inevitability of being confronted later with the consequences of that choice” – that feels true for me also, but isn’t it amazing that we have the awareness to realise that we HAVE made an unloving choice to express ourselves and we then have the opportunity come around again to make a different choice the next time.
Thanks for sharing your conversation and thought monsters. For me, there is such an imbedded way of calibrating around others that I have to really focus on what it is I really want to do sometimes. Often I’m a little unsure as I’m just not used to making that choice without it being about what I think other people want. It’s almost like I’m getting to know myself again, so looking out for those thought monsters and asking myself the question ‘why’ is a great help in getting to know if I’m truly just being me…
I can really relate to what you say Laura. I feel I have spent most of my life “calibrating around others” and losing myself in the process. Feeling that I didn’t really want to do something but doing it anyway and then regretting it. Now I have more awareness of what I am doing I can honour myself and start to bring myself back to me by outing the “thought monsters”. And what if then, what I do is true for me, it must then be true for everyone.
‘Finding a balance in true expression’ what a beautiful sharing thank you Emily I love it ,so simple and so true. This is something many experience, very familiar and brilliantly expressed.
I recognized the one about not expressing in full because then maybe the other feels less happy than before.
I lived that too, and still do even though less each day. It is a big lie we live like that.
We are not here to make friends, we are here to speak our truth. That is what is needed very much when we see around us how ill the world is getting. It would be great if we all become real and truthful again and stop keeping each other in comfort but calling ourselves and others out of our comfort.
True tricia, the simplicity and realness of the inner conversation writtn down by Emily is briljant even the thought given this conversation come from a source we have to learn to disconnect from. It misleads us from our path in return.
Emily I love the humour in this. I know all too well the ‘am I allowed to’s’! It gets exhausting looking for permission to be myself. Your blog is very refreshing.
Very entertaining read about those little ‘thought monsters’ that we often allow to run havoc with our lives! Thanks.
I like your style Emily! It’s good to ask the question “am I allowed” and realise what is behind that question compared to “I am able”. To think more deeply about why we do certain things can only bring more understanding to ourselves and others.
Thank you for sharing Emily – I know what you mean by the ‘thought monsters’ and all the am I allowed to or should I questions which can pop up in my thoughts to undermine me and what I am doing.I love how you said that:
‘True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’. True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’
This is a great article Emily, thank you, ‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself’, this is what I’m beginning to feel, that I can give that to myself no matter what is going on around me.
‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself’ – this is so true and just giving myself permission to be me without someone else’s permission is such a gift.
Fully agree – like most things you can only give true freedom to yourself, and everything else as well, to live empowered and in connection with self. When we are connected to ourselves, then that brings this freedom as we are no longer run by what is around us or what we feel we need from others.
Lovely Emily. What could be better than just being you and accepting all that that is? I realised from your blog that even those ‘Thought Monsters’ are coming in just because we are beginning to be something we think we ought to be instead of just be-ing. We may not yet be acting it, but we are already going into something we are in-truth not. I can feel the joy and freedom of just be-ing you in this blog. Thank you for sharing
Beautiful insight Joshua – thank you for sharing. This makes total sense as I know that when I hold damaging thoughts it’s usually because I am comparing myself to someone else – whether that be because I see myself as better or not as good as them. This is definitely not a true and loving way to view ourselves or interact with others.
That’s exactly it Shevon and Josh, a lot of my thoughts come after I compare myself to another or not think I am good enough.
‘And accepting all that that is’. I needed to read that again Joshua. To accept, and celebrate each stage of my unfolding. Thank you.
Yes Josh what you say makes sense, how complex becomes life when we listen to the Thought Monsters and how simple life is when we accept what is and go with that, joyfully.
That makes a lot of sense Joshua, and what Shevon and Emily have added I have also felt to be my experience. Whatever image or belief I have held onto, I will compare it against the outside world around me and if they don’t match, I am in the wrong and the thought monsters are more then willing to tell me thus; and if it does match then I don’t have to question how true and real and genuinely supportive to my well-being, which then impacts on my relationships which then impacts on others and what that ripple affect has the potential to cause. All because of holding onto an idea of how I should be, but that ‘how I should be’ is constantly changing with my environment. The one line that stood out for me on this return to reading this blog was “True freedom is loving the body I’m in,” As I am starting to experience that no matter where I am, who I am with, I can still be gentle with my body by choice. I may not be perfect at it but perfection constantly changes, constantly says I am not enough, perfection is part of the thought monsters repertoire.
I enjoyed reading this article and the bit that really leaps out at me is; “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” Very profound. Thank you Emily.
I agree Mary very wise words.
I agree Mary, ” True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.”
Well said Gyl, True freedom we can only give ourselves. Awesome Blog Emily , thank you for shining the light onto all these crazy thoughts we allow to be.
It ‘s like reading about myself while reading thig blog. Emily i love what you have written. Am i allowed…..yes, it is like asking constantly permission from others to be a certain way. I am also afraid to get reactions which makes me holding back, not saying things or saying it differently. It gives me a tension and shows me that i want to keep peace and a harmony. I don’t want to disturb. Step by step i am learning about my expression and realizing that if i don’t express or make those choices that support me, i am not living a true life and i reflect to others that it is ok to hold back.
This is so true Mariette, reading this makes me aware how crazy it is that I look for permission from others rather than simply living what feels true for me. ‘Am i allowed…..yes, it is like asking constantly permission from others to be a certain way.’
I am so with you on this Rebecca.
It is crazy Rebecca and it is more surprising how ingrained this way of living is for most of us, and to live free of these self imposed constraints is a dedicated choice! Well worth it though as it is seriously less exhausting.
Agree Vanessa and Rebecca. It is exhausting – and we can self-doubt on auto pilot! More awareness and choice I say 🙂
Absolutely and it’s a very stifling way of living which could result in illness and disease manifesting in our bodies.
Yes I agree it’s crazy looking to others for permission. I can so dis-empower myself when doing this, then I remember to connect to me and I’m back going that was crazy, what prompted me to do that?
Emily thank you. When you speak of calibrating to those around you, I recognise this well, certainly in my past. it’s a reminder of what happens when we feel less and do not fully accept ourselves. It’s freeing when we are able accept where we are without judgement but also take responsibility for making different choices next time.
I can really relate to what you have written Mariette and Emily, ‘ Am i allowed…..yes, it is like asking constantly permission from others to be a certain way. I am also afraid to get reactions which makes me holding back, not saying things or saying it differently’, I am starting to change this and when I do express what I feel it feels very powerful and true.
My thought monster does not ask for permission but it is just as interfering and useless – clearly what matters is the quality of thoughts I find, regardless of their content. For a long time I had this thought(!) that if I just have the right thoughts all will be well.
That was a slight misunderstanding…
Interfering and useless thoughts can keep us completely lost, distracted, entertained and distracted for a very long time.
I can relate to why you are sharing Mariette. And when I look for the approval of others it is really sufficating me in my expression.
Beautifully said Mariette. The constant questioning of ourselves and holding ourselves back slowly chips away and erodes our sense of self worth. Am I allowed to do this or that, can I be this or be that is just ‘like asking permission from others’ whether you can be yourself or not. Why do we doubt and run away from being ourselves so much and fear the reaction of others who are most likely while in that reaction are not being themselves either. It’s all quite the game really, the game of life.
Emily I loved this – thank you – it is simple, playful and gets to the heart of the issue with the “thought monsters”. It’s made me consider just how often I question myself – something I am certainly working on, on putting a stop to. So perfect timing to read.
It is simple, light and playful David, whilst busting a few lids of those “thought monsters “. Thank you.
What an amazing blog Emily. What is awe-some is your awareness of who you really are.
Thank you Emily, what an amazing account of YOU claiming responsibility for YOU and all your choices. I love how you refer to ‘thought monsters’ – very playful and easy to relate to and an inspirational read for many. I have found as I sort through these ‘thought monsters’ I too have discovered – “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” Awesome 🙂
I agree Julie, I also love that sentence – you cannot save anyone, you can only save yourself.
Yeah I agree, we can only save ourself not others.
Yes I too really enjoyed the playful way that Emily wrote about, what is really quite a devastating topic, albeit one that has or does plague pretty much most of us. I too have ‘thought monsters’, big time, and am finding it interesting to observe when I have less, when I can spot them for what they are, and when I still seem to be a bit blind to them until after the event. That then enables me to ask,’why’?, and usually it is because I have a deep seated belief about how I should be in a certain environment, or am still excited or fearful in that environment.
It’s interesting how those ‘thought monsters’ always pop up in our lives when we are feeling amazing and claim the responsibility to be more of what is already waiting outside. The ‘thoughts get more sophisticated in trying to bring in self doubt. Stopping more regularly to read each situation and how it will unfold has been the lesson that has come from this blog.
This is really insightful and lighthearted but with a wisdom through your deep self reflection. It has actually supported me to understand some of my recent choices and now I move forward with greater understanding and wisdom. Taking your ‘… “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”, I’m taking responsibility for me …’ with me.
Absolutely and it is lovely to hear there is no judgement in that, just an observation and willingness to see. Really inspiring.
Yes i agree Vicky, no judgement just an observation and greater awareness for next time.
Totally agree Ariana, well said.
I know I shrink from self reflection- I used to think being my own worst critic was a good thing because it pushes you.
Reading this blog is a loving reminder that we can also appreciate and inspire ourselves. That might just be the magic of self worth
Yes, I agree this blog is very insightful Ariana
What a joy it is to be in Planet School, so much learning, so much evolving.
So well expressed Ariana – thank you! I certainly am one who shrinks from self reflection and yet feel frustrated because I feel I am stuck in the ‘slow lane’. Love ‘Seeing ourselves as always learning is a great way to be, then we can cut ourselves some slack and allow that we are all learning here in planet school’. Shall happily wear my L plates!
Well said Ariana – it is about letting ourselves learn – and considering why we are making certain choices before beating ourselves up about what those choices were.
I ave found looking at it this way makes it easier for me to understand whats behind ‘the cake’ as it were.
I think I have asked myself a lot of the same question over the years, thanks for the reminder Emily
Me too, they all seem so familiar.
Thanks so much Emily for a great blog – especially the ‘am I allowed to’ section which I was recognising the other day I was still carrying around with me like a piece of self-inflicted baggage.
Yea, that’s really what it is hey Lyndy.- self-inflicted baggage.
haha and we pay for every extra kilo.
I have those ‘thought monsters’ you describe Emily, and if I give into them, end up doing and saying things that do not come from truth. The key sentence is: ‘I’m taking responsibility for me.’ Once I take responsibility for my life and be honest about my choices that do not fully serve me or others, it is much easier to give myself permission to be Me which keeps life simple – and just as you expressed: ‘ True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care’.
I agree Jacqui a beautiful article and an inspiration to really go deeper with self responsibility
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care’.” Awesome.
This sentence is so empowering and inspiring – I know from my experience of bringing self-love, self-care and responsibility into my everyday living I feel this freedom.
So true, true freedom, is what you give yourself, nothing someone else gives.
I agree Jacqui, responsibility is a key!
Emily, this is awesome the way you put it, and I can relate to this, all the questions I allow in my thoughts are really devastating to me. I can feel the freedom that I will experience when I accept what the body brings up for me to consider and not to allow any thought that the mind brings as being a measure to the environment I am in. Thank you Emily, great blog, great teaching.
you can guess no longer…other people definitely have thought monsters as well…well at least I do…thanks for shining a light on them
I agree with you Joel, the thought monsters have now been outed. We can now all see them for what they truly are.
What a great way to describe those thoughts that put us down and crush our open expression. It seems that we all have ‘thought monsters’ and it is great to see them for what they truly are. They lose their strong grip when they are outed in this way.
Yes, once we have outed them they are loosing their power and we can connect with who we truly are.
Emily has so beautifully written how these “thought monsters’ stop us bringing the quality and uniqueness of who we are to all that we say and do. The powerful statements are inspiring to read each and every time.
Exactly Mary. I too remember as a child feeling the people around me to gauge how they were, and as the years rolled on then gauging how I should be around them to fit in, or not get noticed if they were in a bad mood, or how to light up if it felt safe to do so. And that’s when you say “Hello” to the thought monsters. There’s not much real, authentic me in that!
So as Emily so simply presents and I am experiencing more and more, its being aware of how we react and what we then chouse so we can start saying “No” to the thought monsters.
Ouch! I know these ‘thought monsters’ – thanks to the attending presentations with Serge Benhayon, they are much less so now than in my earlier years (when they appeared to follow me around everywhere) say.
One popped up today regarding ‘getting it wrong’ and it was great to be able to playfully say ‘No’ to it in another way.
“Hello” to the thought monsters. There’s not much real, authentic me in that!
Being inspired with your comment is appreciated!
It’s true Stephanie, being able to catch these thoughts as they try to enter and say no to them is hugely powerful. If we don’t register this and start to entertain them (giving free rein to that thinking), then the energy kind of takes hold and before we know it we’re living deep in the story/action/ self-condemnation/drama/more thoughts and so deep that we think it is us. Learning to connect to the stillness inside, the part that is truly us, allows the space from which these thoughts can be exposed and seen for the imposters they are. Then we have the choice to say no.
Yes Shirley-Anne It feels like time to rock the boat bringing exactly who we are to everyone, thought monsters and All! Lets banish the imaginary beasts from the divine kingdom we truly are. When we start to connect with ourselves on the inside there is much less room for thought monsters, which means much less room for cake.
Great article Emily – thank you. And thank you Shirley for expressing me to a T (pardon the pun) in your comment – this has opened me up to the real possibility of learning a new dance – true movement so to speak – building a trusting relationship with myself so I can feel free to dance without worrying about rocking the boat. It just came to me that I have been having several dreams about missing the boat and I realise now that it is the LOVE BOAT!
Yes we need to rock the boat! It`s really about letting others react and feel that they are uncomfortable, about letting them feel their emotions and the choices they have or have not made… the people in this world in truth benefit much more from a reflection of true light and love without holding back instead of bending to make others feel good.
I agree Joel, perhaps it is far more common that it is talked about
Bringing the awareness to the Thought Monsters versus the True Thoughts is the gift, although it can sometimes be surprising how constant and subtle the Thought Monsters can be.
I also have the childhood memory of being so easily influenced by what was going on around me and behaving in a way that would not hurt/upset others. The choice to not be my awesome, joful self because of the sad/bad mood of another has been a great hurt for me in my life and I am still working at this.
Yes the thoughts can be so subtle that before you know it your twenty thoughts down the line and your not to sure how you got there. Awesome to break this down by bringing awareness in everything that you do.
And that feels very important to acknowledge, Joel. We are not the only ones walking around with these thoughts gnawing away at us. Pretty much every single person that you will ever meet has their own little beasties they are dealing with.
That helps to get rid of one of the hidden monsters: “no one else has these kind of thoughts, so what is wrong with you?”
And what a perfect start Naren. To get rid of that monster that one particular monster ‘that we are the only one having these kinds of thoughts’. They can be so sneaky and subtle at times.
Yes Great point Naren, that thought monster feels the most sneaky because when we listen to that one it can challenge all the true thoughts that are there also.
That’s a good point Naren and takes away a lot of judgement if we understand that everyone has thought monsters and how each of us deal with them is different and then plays out outside in the body and world around us and them.
Yep – I have got those thought monsters too! I like to banish them to distant kingdoms, but they do somehow sneak back in. I seem to catch them faster and faster these days though!
Exactly Deborah, this is what I have noticed, too. The ‘thought monsters’ are not there for long anymore, just the time to be noticed, of being not true. Naming them and letting them go is the key.
It is so true there are many of us who have thought monsters, I definitely do, but its something not often shared or talked about.
Oh you are so right Joel I have this thought monsters as well but what I love is that now with exposing them so beautiful through Emily I can have a bit of fun with them because now I can call them by name – wunderbar!!!
I have thought monsters as well, not so much the ‘am I allowed to?’ kind but thoughts that distract me from what I am actually feeling at that moment. Coming back to my body removes the forcefulness from the thoughts – after all they need my co-operation to affect me, otherwise they are just stray thoughts.
Yes, indeed Christoph. They definetely need an opening from us, such as comparing ourselves with others, looking for recognition or love on the outside or expecting something from the other. When I allow myself to be by accepting myself and my natural expression in the first place, I have no thought monsters neither in my head nor in my expression. And this feels so amazing it is a healing for everyone.
I am playing that record as well Mary, its a record that is very much ingrained and takes time to let go….normally I would scan first in which mood everybody is and then I would adjust in how I can be. It’s a tricky one but step by step, letting go of that record and a new record is playing: Mariette in full!
Yes Mary I carried with me so many beliefs of how I should behave, could and could not do, all of them contracting me ever more into nothingness. I now feel like a flower slowly opening up to the sunshine and adding my beauty to the garden of life.
Yes Joel, other people certainly do have thought monsters but for a very long time I thought only I had them!! Isn’t it great when we are honest and nominate them knowing that we are not alone in experiencing them and more important these ugly thoughts are definitely not who we truly are.
Thank you Emily for opening the door to the ‘Thought Monster’. I find that by being aware of how this ‘monster’ works to distract me from my real feelings and purpose it takes away its power. I see that this is what you are achieving too, well done!
So true Susan, in understanding the way “thought monsters” behave it gives us a huge awareness of what is going, the ways we are being played with, and gives us an opportunity to make choices for all and cease to hold back.
Awesome Ariana. We are indeed allowed to be great, glorious and tender, a great gift to ourselves.
I like this; we are allowed to be great and a gift to ourselves. How great would it be if this would be thought in schools.
Thanks Ariana. Yes, now I come to think of it, those I thought had the authority to say that growing up, so didn’t. Thank you.
I agree having the awareness of how these “thought monsters” play with us, it allows us to make choices to not get caught in these thoughts. If we do just accept and start again and not beat the self up.
Yes it is a down would spiral but what we have to address is what have we chosen to get to that point when those thoughts are coming through. Taking a deeper look at what is causing these choices without getting sucked into the issues is a great place to start to a much needed healing.
Natalie I love this comment as it asks us to not just stop at identifying those thought monsters and saying NO but also looking at how we let them in. This really brings in the possibility that we may have been doing things to allow those thoughts to happen in the first place.
Yes Amita, and I am realising that beating ourselves up is just letting the ‘thought monster’ in by the back door. We pick a baby up if it stumbles, so why not be gentle on ourselves if we have a wobble.
Yes, we do pick up the baby, but we don’t tell it it shouldn’t ever try to walk again, but how often after a wobble do I do that, avoid the situation, instead of gently picking myself up and continuing
Well said Sandra, we are so worthy of being gentle with ourselves – and truly loving too.
To be gentle with ourselves as if we were a new born baby. I love this Sandra. So timely for me right now.
Yes, lets stop being so mean to ourselves and treat ourselves as we would a baby instead. Bye bye thought monsters!
I agree, Amita, being aware of these “thought monsters” and seeing how they affect all we do helps us gradually deal with them and connect back to ourselves to feel the real truth. My “thought monsters” are appearing less and less as I learn to clean them out of my mind.
The thought monsters are so often what keeps us doubting. To nominate these regularly is what brings us back to feeling the awesomeness we all are.
Yes Amita, just having the awareness of the “thought monsters” can disempower them from becoming your action.
I agree Amita, beating ourselves is just another little ploy from the “thought monster” to keep ourselves small and stop ourselves from connecting to the tenderness and beauty within and accepting ourselves for who we are and where we are at.
Yes Amita that choice to just accept and start again without beating up on ourselves shows others that there is no perfection and brings a level of deeper understanding for all to see.
Yes Oliver, awareness is the key, awareness and taking responsibility frees us to be more loving in our daily living , which leads to more loving choices.
Great point Oliver. By understanding how the thought monsters work, we can make choices from this awareness that builds and builds and changes our patterns of thinking and behaviour.
Oh yes, Jaqueline and Anne-Marie, awareness and understanding! Couple that together with appreciation and acceptance and we have the tools to take us down the path of return to who we truly are, beautiful.
I agree Oliver, the awareness gives us an opportunity to make choices.
Agree Oliver, it gives a whole new perception on the subject matter.
Yes, Ariana, “giving ourselves permission” is the key.
Spot on Natalie, I also love Emily’s light-hearted approach…
Thereby the thought monster is slain…
Hilarious Luke. Should the thought monster return, as it has a way of re-inventing itself, we know it can be slayed again. Powerful we are!
My own personal ‘thought monster’ has now clearly been shown the door.
What a relief! Why haven’t I done this before… you are absolutely right Ariana, we ARE allowed to be great, glorious and tender, and accepting ourselves is the first, but sometimes rather huge step. But once this step is taken by the choice to not hold back and begin to be more true to ourselves, the world opens up on a grand scale and becomes miraculous. Everyday is a new opportunity to open this gift to ourselves and share it with everyone.
So true Sandra, thank you for sharing!
So true, self-acceptance is a great step to take and so necessary before we can get to self-appreciation.
Everyday is a new opportunity to be great, glorious and tender. Thank you Sandra.
“We are allowed to be great, glorious and tender, giving ourselves permission to be that is a great gift”, this is so true Ariana.
Even the mere fact that we are aware that our “thought monsters” are not our true selves is to be appreciated and celebrated as without this awareness we would continue to live our lives deep in the illusion of thinking that what we ‘think’ is who we are. I am beginning to give myself permission everyday for the true, glorious me to shine out and be seen.
yes, absolutely. I now know my “thought-monsters” very well and expose them by choosing so.
This is great Ariana. There is no room for the thought monsters to reign free when we trust in the amazingly tender and precious beings we all are. That is a beautiful gift indeed.
Indeed it is Ariana, a beautiful gift; a precious gift given to ourselves.
Thank you for the reminder and very wise words
Great point Ariana, this part seems key: “if we allow it free reign.” I have been trying often to fight the monsters but that is already giving them too much room. It is about not having them there in the first place and that is by allowing myself to be all I am. Thank you for the reminder.
Yes Emily I’m also plagued with “who I am going to be depending on who I am around”. Most of my life I lived making sure I did not upset anyone, a life of self-made servitude. Universal Medicine and the blogs I’m reading bring home this awful truth but layer by layer I’m freeing myself. I have a choice to eat that cake or not.
Well said Patricia – I like the quote that you have picked out: “who I am going to be depending on who I am around”, I can relate to that a lot
Yes, well said Patriicia and like Jessica I also like the quote you have picked out as I used to do that so much.
I can relate to that too Patricia and Jessica, and in doing that, I deny being my true self and deny others seeing the true me too.
I am so glad I am revisiting this blog again as I at the moment can so relate to this. Am I allowing myself to be all of me with people and in my full expression? I just realized this morning that I have been capping myself a bit with somebody in my life to not disturb or expose and with that, not allowing my full expression to come out.
I agree Patricia, I have spent a lot of my life like a chameleon adapting to people and life along the way but since attending courses at Universal Medicine, have been unravelling what is not me to find a pretty cool dude underneath the layers. I now feel like a butterfly that is free to fly and am enjoying the freedom of being me at last. Great blog!
A free butterfly. Love that. A friend asked the other day -‘what are you allowed to eat on your regime’. I laughed out loud. There is no regime, I eat what I feel to, when and how I feel to. There is no study on nutrition , no ‘5 a day’ recommendation from government that influences me, I am truly free to listen to my own body as to its needs. And it’s the same with the rest of my life. If I feel to, I do, if not, I don’t. Goodbye chameleon, hello cool dude.
Amazing how we can be boxed into being “on a regime” when a choice is made to change eating habits. I have experienced this too.
For me, to return to eating food that supported my energy levels and vitality, which in the main are fresh meat and vegetables etc, and dropping those foods that made me feel bad after I ate them is just common sense. Listening to myself around what feels right for me was all that was required. No diet, or fad, or regime needed.
It feels great to have taken responsibility back for what I put into my mouth rather than be influenced by anything outside me telling me what to eat. My body never lies and the more I support it with what I eat, the more I can feel what else in my life is supportive or not. Awesome.
Isn’t it the best feeling ever, enjoying our freedom of being ‘me’.
Yes absolutely!
I smiled at the phrase, ‘self made servitude’ Patricia because it is exactly the right description when we bow to the invisible and illusionary masters of our own fate. Me all over in the past! Thanks to the awakening through Universal Medicine and the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom by Serge Benhayon, of my own expression and worth, that servitude has diminished significantly!
Hi Patricia, a great reminder of the freeing of yourself in the knowing that “I have a choice to eat that cake or not.”
We always have choice and taking responsibility for these choices is so beautiful to feel as we honour ourselves along the way and also to feel the ouch when we don’t too is all supportive in the making of the next choice along the way.
Yes Beverly agree, the ‘cake’ being metaphoric for anything in life – that always there’s the choice to choose, or not choose. That each choice either affirms towards a greater sense of freeness in expression, or solidifies the pattern of boxed-up status quo.
It is great to read and have an insight into what obviously many women have taken on from society as about not being allowed. It brings more understanding as a man to what is normally felt as either an emptiness and sadness and asking of permission, or a defiant, protective look that could blow away any chance of simply meeting one another.
Yes, I never have heard it described so clearly, but thought monster is so so apt for what plays out in our minds at times. I too have felt the hesitancy in my expression, due to worrying about the repercussions. It’s taking a while to break the tension, but I am working on it, because I don’t want the ” thought monsters ” to win the game. I have a right to be heard and to say what I truely feel.
Great blog Emily, calling out this restriction is very powerful! I can relate to most of your points – as a little girl I lived restricted to what I am allowed to do and say. I have allowed myself to not follow these restrictions anymore. Thanks to Serge Benhayon I have learned how to undo these false beliefs. I do appreciate this choice that I have made deeply and truly.