Am I allowed to say that?
Am I allowed to eat this?
Am I allowed to not want to eat this?
Am I allowed to wear these clothes today?
Am I allowed to talk to men like that?
Am I allowed to get excited?
Am I allowed to do this?
Am I allowed to be comfortable?
Am I allowed to dance this way?
Am I allowed to want to do this?
Am I allowed to show affection to one person and not the other?
Am I allowed to look smoking hot?
Am I allowed to not want to drink that?
Am I allowed to in-joy this?
Am I allowed to go to bed early?
There are a lot of “Am I allowed to’s” there Emily… why?
Well, you see… I’m scared if I open my mouth or do something, I might cause a reaction from someone.
So?…
Well then, they might be upset or not as happy as they were before.
And is that your problem?
Well, no, it’s not really… not if I was just being me.
So why the “Am I allowed to’s?”
Well, it’s a question of “Will I hurt someone if I do that?”
So you’re saying, someone else should give you the permission for something you want to do, according to what mood they are in that day?
Erm, well, yea, I guess I am…
Now that just doesn’t make sense, does it?
No, no it doesn’t.
Am I allowed to be this way?
And what way is that?
Me… happy, sad, excited, showing it all, whilst being responsible, regardless of what people are going to think…
Well, I’d say so.
Yea… I’d say so too.
Am I able to care for myself?
Am I able to BE myself?
Am I able to love myself?
Now there’s “able’s”?
Yea, because now it’s up to me to make the decision… and my capability at being amazing.
And how is that capability?
I’d say it’s pretty darn good.
True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’.
True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.
I have been thinking a lot about my “allowed to’s” lately and have found that I calibrate what or basically who I am going to be depending on who I am around, so as to not ‘disturb the peace’. This probably isn’t an unusual thing; I’m guessing we all have “Thought Monsters” running around in our head saying what we can and can’t do. Don’t get me wrong, there are some things I definitely can’t do – but I don’t feel limited by these things when I make the choices to not do them, I feel confident and content with these choices.
It’s when there’s that pulling away from my initial response, that moment where it was there, where I had the chance and then it slipped away sort of thing…. I am learning to minimise these moments: if I feel like saying this or doing that, I will try my best to do it, and try my best to stay me regardless if it shakes anyone a bit.
Then with the realisation of these ‘Thought Monsters’ there has also been the trying to sort out the ‘Thought Monsters’ from the true thoughts. There is a difference here because the true thoughts don’t feel like monsters to me when I have them – there is no drive or push or fear behind them like the Thought Monsters have, just an openness, respect and realisation. Like me saying, “I shouldn’t be eating this piece of cake right now” is a true thought… what told me to eat this piece of cake was the plain old Thought Monster.
And then there’s the “Why am I eating this piece of cake?” which is actually a true thought, ‘cause it’s asking for a reason and a realisation that something is not quite right.
And then there’s the lack of self-worth for eating the cake and feeling crap about myself – thoughts like “I’m going to get fat” or “I’ll look like a cake myself soon”… Those, my friends, are the Thought Monsters.
But then there is a catch there too, because my feeling this is showing me that obviously eating the cake caused me to feel not very good, and due to not feeling good I can see that the choice I made wasn’t right for me.
So, instead of bashing myself, I’m realising why (in most cases it’s ‘cause I feel alone, or tired, or want to bury some feeling beneath a big pile of cake), then I’m accepting my choice and moving on.
“Okay… cool, I’m actually not fat, I just feel crappy because of the choices I made.”
The ‘why’ sometimes doesn’t even matter, I don’t need a reason, just acceptance, and as long as there’s an “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”, I’m taking responsibility for me.
Or even if there is just a “Yea okay, I feel crap… I did it again”, that’s all good too… we all slip up sometimes.
By Emily Newman, Mirani, Qld
918 Comments
Fantastic blog Emily. You have called the thought monsters out of the closet so well! You are 19 and have the wisdom of a seasoned psychologist or councillor – taking responsibilty for your choices with love and care. Absolutely awesome! Thank you
I can relate to the true relationships, which is so different from friendships. I am learning now what it means to have a true relationship with somebody, where truth is expressed and where there is no holding back of any kind. I am becoming aware that within many relationships, there are a lot of unspoken expectations and where we don’t want the other to change too much, because this might expose us. Then a relationship can be a comfortable place where there is no learning and no evolving. But it all starts by giving myself permission to be me…..
I love this Susan, it makes life simple.
Reading this again is so beautiful in confirming all I am and reflecting the importance of allowing this. It is definitely true freedom to allow oneself to be oneself fully in a relationship with oneself first and hence with others in this ever evolving love and care joyfully. Thank you Emily
So confirming to read your blog again, Emily. Giving myself permission to be me has been a long process – but truly worthwhile. I have found out who I was along the way, and that I am enough as I am without any trying to be enough for someone else. As I am now reflecting more of who I am it also frees up the other person to make their own decision without me getting in the way. It opens up the way for honesty and a true relationship.
exactly Susan. No more rules, should’s or ought’s!
I have found that setting a marker and claiming said marker through voicing and action really helps to lessen the thought monsters. Thoughts of ‘You’re not worth caring for / you’re being harsh with yourself and will never change’ are being silenced when I say to myself ‘No! I am not worthless and I can change, I have the lived experience of treating myself in a much more loving way’. By acknowledging and appreciating the moments where I am caring and loving towards myself I have a greater momentum to stop the downward spiral of self-criticism. And while not perfect, what this blog reminded me was that acceptance is equally as important, not just showing my thought monsters all the care I can give myself but to actually say to myself and accept and claim that I am not what the thoughts say I am but what I feel that is more true and real.
Great sharing Leigh, I agree giving ourselves markers when are living amazingly, appreciating and acknowledging those times is vital. And, yes acceptance of ourselves is big.
Hear hear – great summarisation of Leigh’s comment Lorraine, and so true – appreciation, acknowledgement and acceptance are key to dropping into the love that we all are.
I like the very playful way you have written this – it flushes out those ‘thought monsters’ in a very simple and direct way. Its a useful reminder that in some strange way there are these two different sources of thoughts – from truth that can potentially help you out of a situation, and then from the reaction that buries you further into it. And begs the question of which one am I going to allow to make the decisions in my life?
..’true freedom is not something that someone else can give you but what you give yourself- self love and self care‘ – I love that too Gill.
Lovely conversation with yourself Emily, I really enjoyed reading the gentle shift in thinking that it portrayed.
Emily, I can relate to the heady doubting of oneself that you have described in this blog. Recently I have found this way of over-thinking to be quite exhausting and when I just let go of trying to work things out mentally and instead trust that i have a deeper knowing in me, the answer and way forward seems to just pop up almost magically and without so much effort.
This made me chuckle. We all have them, these thoughts, yet when we really talk through them they seem ludicrous. It is a shame we do not have more hours in the day to deconstruct these thoughts…..but that’s where the body steps in. It knows, we just have to listen and honour it.
I love re-reading this blog. It reminds me that being me is so much more than enough. I love expressing and just saying naturally what comes up to share with people, and then the beautiful thing is: i have these amazing conversations and responses. Sharing my truth and really saying how i feel and what is going on, gives an opening in having a real conversation and really connecting with others.
Beautifully expressed Emily a real joy to read Thank you I love it 🙂
Emily I could relate to your question…”Am I allowed to…..” this used to be a back ground question that was there most of the time, but as I learn that it is ok to be me and stay lovingly with myself then I no longer need to ask myself this as I will just naturally know what is the right thing to do or say.
I agree Alison. it is great to drop “Am I allowed to” and use “do I feel to” instead
True freedom is definitely loving the bodies we are in. And to get to that I have worked with acceptance, self-care, gentleness, awareness of my ‘thought monsters’ and how they play out mean scripts to keep me lacking in confidence and comparing myself endlessly to others, and an ever developing willingness to love my mistakes – knowing they are beautiful opportunities to learn and deepen my relationship with myself. Thank you, Emily, for your palpable sweetness and wisdom.
What a great blog Emily. It’s crazy the “thought monsters” that are within everyone, from explicitly suppressing our expression to influencing the way we behave in disguise in every act and move we make in life, but if everyone in society has them, then perhaps that means there is something else behind them?
I love the humor and lightness in your blog, Emily. It is fun to read and makes me laugh, taking it light instead of indulging in self loathing thoughts. Beautiful.
Me too Kerstin, the lightness and the humour make it so easy to really get it too, and to working on banishing these little beasties with a laugh instead of a bashing
“Am I allowed?” This question really reveals how we have built a library of ways of being that we consider acceptable… and that certain ways of being are acceptable for one situation but may be not another. In fact we may have as many ways of being as we have situations! This sounds ridiculous, but if we are constantly assessing, judging and predicting any situation we find ourselves in, then surely we’ll have a moderated (tailor-made) way of being in it? Love the way you’ve brought True Expression to the table with this blog Emily and an exploration of what it means to be and express as yourself.
It is ridiculous, but then reading the comments to this blog (and from my own personal experience) we all have a similar experience! It is exhausting, disempowering and entirely self motivated. Learning to track those soulful thoughts, and not indulge in the others is of huge importance to us all if we don’t want to end up with a moderated existence. Urgh
I love the way you have a conversation with yourself in this blog. It exposes all the stuff that goes on in our heads all the time! Your honesty is very refreshing.
Yes and in such a playful yet powerful way that we all get it and all can benefit from it, time and time again.
Emily I like what you share “instead of bashing myself, I’m realising why (in most cases it’s ‘cause I feel alone, or tired, or want to bury some feeling beneath a big pile of cake), then I’m accepting my choice and moving on.” I can completely resonate with this, I have moments like this too. This allows me to take a step back and really feel into what is it I am buring and not wanted to feel. Once I capture it I just accept my choice and move on.
Thank you Emily I can so relate to this blog, what I loved about it was the way you let it unfold from what we think is allowed, or not, to what we are able to do, to our capability – and keeping it so lighthearted and fun. There is a lot of space in your expression and a feeling of freedom and responsibility at the same time. Beautiful.
I love this Emily Thank you for sharing. I love the ‘am I allowed to ‘ questions we live with and it is so freeing to simply be allowed to be who we are naturally and the joy of allowing ourselves to express this is amazing to feel.
Thanks Emily. Worrying about what others think about you is a natural killer for natural expression and it is something that all can recognise. I have learnt too that when I maintain my focus on the love that I am and bring, that when I slip up there is more of an acceptance of it so that I no longer go into self bashing. I just know that can and will make a different choice next time.
You look amazing and like someone who is in control of their ‘thought monsters’. Your sharing will also free others. Thank you for being open and exposing.
Such a wise and insightful blog Emily. ‘ Don’t get me wrong, there are some things I definitely can’t do – but I don’t feel limited by these things when I make the choices to not do them, I feel confident and content with these choices’ and this makes the world of difference choices made from confidence and love rather than can’t do or shouldn’t do. Awesome.
Great quote “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” It is deeply empowering and freeing to learn how to care for my own body, make my own choices and take responsibility, beautiful!
Gorgeous blog Emily – getting into relationship with your Thought Monsters … Love it!
Brilliant blog Emily – “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care”. I LOVE THIS – it gives the power all back to you. It is something that I have experienced a lot in the past – I can feel ‘trapped’ by thoughts of self-loathing for example, or I can take back my own life and make choices that make me feel good, think thoughts that don’t crush me and put me down, and ultimately feel a lot free-er.
It’s interesting how commonly we have to ask ourselves so many questions. Your blog has highlighted how we can grow up to be so unsure of ourselves to the point where we need to have that internal dialogue to figure out if it would be best to do something, be in a certain way, or express an opinion. Noticing these thoughts really helps bring an awareness to what’s going on. Thank you Emily.
What kind of education system, or peer groups, or role models must we have when it is so common to grow up being so unsure of ourselves. I don’t doubt your observation for a moment Rosanna, but this underlying question is an indictment of the current state of things, and really highlights just how important it is to have different role models, teaching us the confidence to simply express what we feel without being worried, or requiring an internal dialogue.
It would be so much more supportive to encourage children to simply express what they are feeling instead of trying to make them fit into certain schemes of behaviour.
Great blog Emily. I love your quote: ‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’
To give myself permission to express from where I am is a form of self-love and self-care. I am still in the process of building that and trusting it is ok to write or say what I feel. And yes only I can give this to myself.
I can feel with your blog and my own questioning thoughts or looking outside for answers, just how exhausting this really is. Looking at it from outside it’s laughable as in this is crazy spending all this time and energy asking these questions, when all along I know what I really feel, and my thoughts are often a distraction to take me away from this.
Hi Emily, I love this blog, it’s super light and playful, but really exposes evil, as in those tricks our mind can play with us to try and make us doubt ourselves.
Superb expression Emily, I love seeing such wisdom coming out of the younger generations.
Yes me too, very inspiring.
Yes Kevin I agree and it is also very inspiring for me that Emily didn’t hold back with all her wisdom inside – wunderbar!
Yes Monica, blogs like this get us to question where all these ‘should’s or shouldn’t’s’ actually come from.
I found you blog easy to relate to, especially the thought monster. A great way of putting it. It really brings home what a devastating effect negative thoughts can have on us. When we realise they are only thoughts, we have the power to change those thoughts. As many other commenters have shared, the stand out quote for me was this one – “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” Thanks for your insights Emily.
I know those thought monsters Emily…a perfect name for them, they manage to creep in just when you are feeling great and try and make you doubt yourself. The amazing thing is that you just have to say no to them and not feed them and they can disappear as fast as them came.
My “thought monsters” Alison – rather than creeping in, more like a stampede! Isn’t is amazing that we have the awareness to realise when a thought monster is approaching and that we can make the responsible choice to just say no.
Yep Alison, that is the trick – to say no to them, not feed them and send them packing.
I love how wisdom can be shared so simply and playfully. Emily what you present is so powerful … the “thought Monster” does not discriminate …we have all had a visit or two …and I can certainly relate to the irrational pull that plays out between the head and the heart. To recognise those moments where we “pull away from our initial response” I am bringing more awareness to and in those moments I can stop and choose before it “slips away from you”….
Emily I love how you completed your piece with the simple message of “acceptance’ being key to taking responsibility for ourselves and our choices…
It’s such a joy to make the leap of living a life consistently built around truth, and therefore not have to adapt and present different versions of ourselves according to who we are around. It is both liberating, and a true joy to live.
Your ‘The ‘why’ sometimes doesn’t even matter, I don’t need a reason, just acceptance, and as long as there’s an “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better” ‘ really stands out for me. So often when I can let go of a particular event which, with hindsight, I could have handled differently I find a similar one comes along…and this time if I have given myself that freedom from the past, which comes from acceptance, I can make a different choice. It feels like responsible recycling
Yes this is a great point. It is about acceptance and the ‘why’ does in fact not matter. There will always be a next time and with knowing that we can make another choice there and then, this feels so powerful and also supporting in letting go of the past and come back to the present moment.
That’s awesome Kathie, I love the responsible recycling when recognising a similar opportunity and how that is founded on the freedom from the past that comes with acceptance., true acceptance.
Thought monsters and responsible recycling – these are wonderful descriptions that have brought fun and a lightness to my morning. Thank you Emily and Kathie
I agree, Kathie. Rather than going into the mind and over analysing everything that we have done wrong, I love this approach of acceptance and responsibility, to simply say – I made a mistake, what can I learn from it? It is great to know that if we don’t get it right this time, another opportunity will present itself.
…because we can’t be perfect any way. Since I can accept this I noticed my live is so much easier and lighter. And the learning is to accept others in their un-perfection as well and it opens doors to meet with playfulness not coming from a serious mind. I remember as a child I used to be very much loose and I used to laugh a lot. Growing up was getting harder to fit in what others would say about me and this behaviour was hugely numbing my joy. This choice is not there anymore, I have found my inner freedom and smile and laugh from there, not needing others to do so too, but to just be me.
I made a mistake, what can I learn from it? Such a simple question yet great at the same time as it leaves one open to learning, growing and moving forward knowing that another opportunity will present itself, so true Janet.
Responsible recycling, I like that Kathie. Recognising that the “Thought Monster” is not the true me gives me an opportunity to move out of my old patterns of behaviour, really quite simple and a loving choice to make for myself.
How fun to read this Emily. Such a playful way to look at the ‘thought monsters’ I know all too well. It really makes me aware of how easily we can let our guards get in the way of being ourselves.
Freedom certainly is what we give ourselves – and this is such an inspiring way to address the next doubt I have to show my true self.
Great blog Emily. I love that you’ve totally exposed the ‘thought monster’ for what it is. I know that in the past I completely accepted this as being me and I can see how this then shaped further choices and my life. Thankfully I now know that the ‘thought monster’ is not me but just beliefs I have about myself to keep me stuck in old patterns. Knowing this has meant I can see these thoughts for what they are and choose differently. What a difference this makes to how I feel about myself!
A helpful blog Emily.
Arguing with my ‘thought monsters’ recently, I realised the “bashing” myself for a ‘slip-up’ had a worse outcome than the ‘slip-up’ ! Acceptance and love always.
I have found that as well, Wendy – judging and chastising ourselves for a slip-up is far worse than the slip-up itself; it’s like the scorpion’s sting coming all the way across from the back and delivering the real poison.
So true Gabriele! Awesome analogy. I’m working on lopping off that tail, once and for all!
There is a way…Rhythm, Rhythm, Rhythm. Thank you for your insight.
Yes, brilliant blog Emily! And I agree Wendy, bashing ourselves for a slip-up has a worse outcome than the slip-up itself. Recognising these “Thought Monsters” gives us the freedom to just SAY NO! Now that IS love and acceptance.
Oh yes, I know that one Wendy. Which really demonstrates to us the absolute healing which can come from being loving towards ourselves first and foremost.
Lovely Wendy, I often do the “bashing” if I have had a slip up, so I love what you have written about ‘Acceptance and Love always’, this then allows learning and moving on from what has happened, rather than the slip up becoming a huge painful thing that keeps going.
Agreed, the beating myself up goes on, and on, and on – far outlasting the original slip up. A crazy pattern, continually fed by those thoughts which goes on and on for as long as I allow it. The important thing is recognising that I am the one that stops the merry go round, presses the reset button and makes the decision to come back to me and start again.
Great analogy Simon. That we can press our own reset button, stop whatever untoward behaviour is going on, come back to our self and start again. I love it.
So do I Simon. It is wonderful now that I have found my reset button. The perfectionism that I have lived and fostered for most of my life made it pretty challenging to accept that I was the ONLY one holding myself to ransom. Press.. Reset.. Love, acceptance and appreciation.
Lovely blog Emily, thank you. At one point in my life my ‘thought monsters’ were rampaging and its a wonder that I ever said a word for fear of upsetting someone. Then there were those moments of ‘initial response’, where you want to say something and don’t and then regret it afterwards. These days I still have the ‘thought monsters’ trying to get their way but I am a lot more wise to them now so they don’t control me as much and with the ‘initial response’ moments, I am working on expressing what I feel so there is less regret and as you say , we all slip up now and then but not to beat ourselves up.
Thank you for this very refreshing blog.
The ‘am I allowed?’ questions and everyone’s responses really highlight how common it is to disempower oneself and dishonour the truth of what we feel to be true, so this blog is super important – thank you Emily.
Yes, thank you Emily, and Janet, this blog is super important – it’s great, and very necessary, exposing those “thought monsters” for what they are and knowing that we DO have the choice to say no to them and be our true selves.
Thank you Emily for bringing out in the open the ‘allowed tos’ I can totally relate to these and have found them coming up a lot lately so thanks for the insight into them.
Love the way you have so playfully exposed the ‘Thought Monsters’ that drive so much of my behaviour. The more I am able to recognise them and let them go without beating myself up the more room there is to celebrate the real me. Thanks Emily for your inspiration.
Brilliant Emily, full of humour and truth. Those ‘thought monsters’ do get in the way sometimes – If I let them!
‘Those ‘thought monsters’ do get in the way sometimes – If I let them!’ – Me too Judy, and we always have a choice of whether or not we allow them in.
This is a beautiful article to read Emily, thank you for sharing. I completely relate to all of the ‘am I allowed to..’s and have also found that when I give myself the permission to just be myself there is nothing I am not allowed to do; especially not when I so naturally do so with a great love of myself and for those around me. I am certainly allowed to be myself! how crazy to think that we could ever live otherwise.
Thanks, Cherise, I love how you have highlighted an obvious but generally unasked question – how crazy is it that we don’t feel we are allowed to be ourselves?
Cherise, what you write is great. Once we are ourselves, the question of ‘allowing’ doesn’t seem to arise – everything in my experience then is about choices and consequences. Allowing doesn’t get a look-in!
Thanks for sharing here Emily, a great reminder not to look to the outside and to stay accepting ourselves as we are.
Hey Emily, yep I can feel those same ‘thought monsters’ knocking on my door at times and I love putting the hand up to them gesticulating a flick with an “off you go, not coming in here today……I’m choosing me!
I can feel the humour, lightness and acceptance of yourself in your words and this is powerful for all to read as it allows us all to feel how accepting we can choose to be instead of the ‘beating up’ we can go into. Inspiring!
This reminds me that when I’m being playfull with these ‘guys’, it allows me to be in the acceptance of ALL of me and continue to hold the joy I am, building love further in my body and feeling even more of me…Mmmm…Love-ly!
Thanks Emily, for all your bring. Gorgeous photo!
How familiar those “Am I allowed to ” questions are Emily. Mine are usually phrased in terms of ‘what will happen if I…?” You’ve so simply shown us how we let our thoughts stop us from expressing who we truly are, which as you and I know is an amazing being full of love and joy. When we hold back it is not just us that loses out, but the world.
I get those to Michelle, the ‘What will happen it I..?’ Thats a blog in itself !
Giving yourself permission to be who you truly are and calling out the thought monsters feels very empowering. Thank you for sharing.
I totally agree Vicky. I had this realisation today that I CAN actually make the simple choice to be loving with myself and ditch the thought monsters, they’re WAY past their sell by date now, and it gave me a tremendous sense of empowerment.
The description “Thought Monsters’ is very apt Emily, there is nothing loving, gentle or nurturing about those thoughts that come in to keep us feeling small – until we catch them out and stop playing the game.
Emily this is great, the thought monsters got insistent with me only this weekend so to read this blog made me laugh out loud because it is such a great way to describe them. So different to when we are having true, loving and supportive thoughts. You have clearly defined this so playfully! Those greebly thought monsters always create complication I find, rather than the simplicity that is naturally there when I am just being myself. Thank you
Great clarity Jeanette on the difference between the two…those thought monsters do create complication, and often try to take us into the future or the past, into judgment or comparison. Loving thoughts usually connect us with others in equality and sharing. I love your’s and Emily’s lighthearted and free expression. Thank you both.
Thank you for your beautiful observations too Paul, I agree. “Loving thoughts usually connect us with others in equality and sharing”. Exactly.
A true exposure of the ‘Thought Monster’ – thank you Emily. I relate SO much to the constant worry that what I’m going to say or do will affect others moods for the worse, or that I will come across ‘stupid’, ‘boring’, ‘crazy’ etc. etc., but the trick to avoiding those thoughts is…. Just be myself; super simple, super easy.
Love your blog Emily , thankyou .
It is so refreshing and inspiring to see young people with this level of “life” understanding. The world is offering distraction, parties, alcohol, tattoos, porn and a plethora of other misleading ways, so it is a miracle when someone 19 years of age can see what is really important. And what can be more important than understanding that it is not only ok to “Just be me!”, it is absolutely the only way to make it through life with any sense of well being. Well done, Emily!
Thanks, Gayle, I agree. This level of awareness and understanding of life, self and others is incredible, and so very different to the irresponsible and checked out behaviour the kids are often surrounded by at school etc. The younger generation of Universal Medicine students are amongst the incredible living examples of what is possible when love is brought into the equation.
This is so true.
Love the idea of the ‘Thought Monsters’ Emily, and agree with you and Sue that self love and self care give you true freedom. Its work in progress for me that one day my levels of self love and self care will give me freedom from the monsters. I imagine them as the sort of monsters depicted in tv adverts for disinfectant, and they look vaguely ridiculous- losing their power already!
Emily, this is a lovely blog to read – I love the way you describe those control games the mind is constantly presenting to us to believe as real and true (am I allowed to……?).
Well, thought monsters, I am beginning to feel, know and accept that you are not real and true -just a relentless program that can run on and on if not brought to a firm halt. I am also knowing it is okay to make mistakes, it is not about perfection (a long time in the learning!)
Your sentence says it all – “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.”
Emily, I too have a lot of these thought monsters and like you say it’s ok to have them. It’s taking responsibity for the choices we make and then try and understand what’s behind them so next time we make choices which are more loving.
Emily, Just stick to being you, you will know what is right and what is not.
Lovely sharing, Emily, and fabulous to have this understanding, and the awareness and confidence to express it at the age you are. Very inspiring.
I loved reading your article this morning Emily. Great reminder to not listen to the ‘thought monsters’.
Calibrating and attuning to each person I meet is exhausting. It is another great reminder that this is not a healthy or fulfilling way to live. It requires a lot of energy to constantly redefine our expression depending on who we meet, much easier to meet everyone in the same way. Just got to get rid of those ‘thought monsters’ that thinks this is a good idea!
I agree Stephen it does require so much energy to constantly redefine our expression depending on who we meet, I know this too well, and is a great reminder for me to be continually aware of, ‘am i just being me with every one I meet’?
Yes I agree, Stephen, it is exhausting to be constantly measuring and assessing how we need to be with each person we meet, and this gets in the way of a simple heartfelt connection with them and a sharing of ourselves in a natural way.
So true Stephen, love the way you said that… it is exhausting calibrating to each person I meet.
Love what you shared here Stephen, you are right it is exhausting calibrating to where others are at. What I am discovering as I do this less is that people come with so many different ways of communicating and expressing, not all of which feel loving and supportive to me, and as I feel these feelings the only way that I can stay myself is to in the moment, fully accept what I feel, in so doing loving all equally so. Not always achievable, but it is certainly getting easier.
So true Stephen. How exhausting to be constantly calibrating ourselves to fit a person or situation. With this we are not only harming ourselves but we are not not offering the other person the opportunity to meet the real us, further enabling relationships to operate behind smoke screens.
Very true Anne-Marie, if we are constantly adjusting what we will show to others not only is it exhausting, but no-one is truly being themselves.
Well said Stephen and I totally agree. Calibrating and attuning to each person we meet is totally exhausting and lays the foundations for a measured life. Living consistently and treating yourself and everyone else with equal grace, love and respect allows us to literally throw that measuring stick away.
Emily,
You present a great way to get a good look at what shapes our intentions, thoughts and actions. I and so many others can attest, that thought monsters are very real…but as you show, they only have power when we allow (invite) them to be in the drivers seat. With a willingness to truly question, we can get FREE of all that keeps us small and mis-shapen!
This is a great sharing Jo and allows us to feel the simplicity we can choose by letting ourselves get to know every single part of us with no holding back, a way of living that we naturally seek.
I also love this Jo that we all do have the choice to not invite and feed what keeps us ‘small and mis-shapen’.
Thank you very much Emily. I love the way you write. So much truth and wisdom with so much playfulness. I know these talks within my head and the thought monsters. I am also working on my acceptance of what is really going on. That makes it light and playful instead of the well-known self-bashing which makes it all worse. So from day to day I am ‘automatically’ going to make more self-loving choices.
“It’s when there’s that pulling away from my initial response, that moment where it was there, where I had the chance and then it slipped away sort of thing…. I am learning to minimise these moments”. I love this line Emily, and can relate to it very much – the moment of choice when we stay true to ourselves or deviate off into a lesser version that is no longer true. As you say, what is important is the acceptance of ourselves, that it is ok to make mistakes and learn from them.
It is a great reminder Janet that it is okay to make mistakes and learn from them, and that life is all about learning, and self growth and I agree, accepting ourselves is key.
Beautifully put Janet I am learning to minimise these moments too and that of acceptance .Thank you Emily for addressing this all and the thought monsters too.
Yes it’s great these moments get highlighted for what they are so that I know when they present themselves again I can choose to stay connected and say what there is to be said – even if it sometimes comes out a little clumsy because I’ve only just caught the vase before it fell to the floor.
I find that if I am abiding by rules that I have set myself i.e. I shouldn’t do/say/think/eat that etc., then I am not really being honest with myself. Once I get honest, I may allow myself to do certain things like eat cake (which is no crime, but does leave me feeling rubbish), but by doing so I am accepting myself and allowing myself to learn from the consequences of those actions.
You’ve got a good point there Jinya. Ticking boxes doesn’t work, I have discovered that myself. By accepting that it’s ok to make “mistakes” (in truth there are no “mistakes” only opportunities for learning) we can then evolve from them and truly move on, because we have then lived the experience for ourselves.
Dear Jinya,
Your honesty and truthfulness is awesome. I too have learnt a lot about myself by eating foods even though I knew that they affected me. Doing this has shown me that sometimes it is not the food that affects me as such. Sometimes it is more about why I ate it and how I was feeling as I ate it. The deep realisation is that I eat food for many reasons, when really the only reason to eat food is to nourish my body.
I love your blog Emily, it’s lightness, fun and clarity. I realise how important taking responsibility for all my choices are. Really clocking how rubbish I feel after I’ve let the ‘thought monsters’ rule the nest, gets me to come back to my true thoughts. What you have written about the difference between the two is really helpful.
I’m realising that not taking responsibility for my choices is like an open invitation to the thought monsters, as is leaving the building to go over and ask what other people think I am to do, when actually I’m the only person who knows what’s right for me.
thanks to your great blog for reminding me, that yep I slip up, but I can choose otherwise afterwards.
…’not taking responsibility for my choices is like an open invitation to the thought monsters’ – For me too, Karin.
Emily, you have just exposed why we need to create behaviours (like eating cake) that are to try and bury our feelings.. its because we have a moment where we feel ‘alone’, ‘tired’, ‘lesser’ or ‘lacking’ in some form. And what is it that we are lacking? Love, for ourselves. well done and such a relatable article and playfully written.
Simply put, but very true Harrison. All of our behaviours come from a lack of love for ourselves, and avoiding the pain we feel from this.
Harrison that is well put, we often create behaviours to cover up how we are really feeling. Perhaps something we’ve always done like having an afternoon “treat” that gets us through the day. However I also know if I feel hurt or uncertain about things, that’s when I tend to reach for something that I know makes me feel worse later. But I love how you call it no matter what – it’s when we are lacking Love for ourselves.
I love the dialogue at the beginning Emily, it is such an honest expression of what goes on in our heads so much of the time without us even noticing. Then deepening it into an awareness of what the “Thought Monsters” (I love that phrase too!) can be, shows how we can become a lot more aware about the complexity we have built for ourselves, and discern which thoughts actually are those monsters and which are not.
Yeah Joan I loved the thought monsters phrase, its exactly what they are. And they can really cripple people into states of depression and severe anxiety. Shows how the mind is a cruel and uncaring companion if we let it into the drivers seat.
True Vanessa. Thoughts can be cruel, and really take a hold. And as you say if we let them, can end up driving us to places we don’t want to be. It’s important for us to stay in the driver’s seat, but I know for myself I’m sometimes in the passenger’s seat.
And then we identify with the thought monsters and become them, Vanessa, and believe they are the driver (of us). What a truly horrible, insidious way to live; I know it well from the past, and even sometimes in the present, but now I understand what they are, I can name them and say no to them. There is such power in naming things for what they, then they are exposed and no longer have power over us.
That’s right Joan, name and shame the thought monsters for the imposters that they are! Our true selves are far more powerful.
‘The mind is a cruel and uncaring companion if we let it into the drivers seat.’ Absolutely, Vanessa – we get tricked so much by our thoughts, whereas our own innate wisdom knows truth all along – if we take care to feel and listen. Awesome blog, Emily, thank you.
Yes Carmel, taking time to feel and listen once those thought monsters are named and shamed. It is not us who should feel ashamed of being caught out by them when we notice them and say no to them, for we have given ourselves the space to allow our true feelings to be felt. However, I also feel that sometimes it is appropriate to eat something that we would usually choose not to, for the body may be telling us it needs that particular vitamin, mineral, chemical, and so on, at that time. It could be a once off and very loving to do that, as long as it does not then settle into a habit.
Yes true Vanessa and how much our thoughts can change when the heart is engaged first.
Dear Emily, you have addressed something most people can relate to so easily. I know i can and have found that when i am not fully ok with my self i start looking for something outside of myself and immediately my ‘inner police’ as i used to call it kicks in. A great marker and a great reminder that there is nothing greater then who we are, outside of ourselves.
Dear Carolien,
Thank you for saying that you used to call your thought monsters the inner police… That is so great for me. What I am discovering over the past couple of days is that when left absolutely alone I feel so joyful. So joyful. Infact it is absolutely gob smacking for me, as this marker I now have in my body shows me so clearly that what I have lived before was not joyful, even though I thought it was. What is becoming so evident is that the inner police make things complicated and serious if they are allowed to. My goodness here I was believing that adults had to be serious, Inner Police. Now I know Adults like children can and if living truthfully also feel as joyous and wondrous as a 2 year old.
Yes, Emily, I can really relate to the ‘thought monster’ that holds me back and causes me to question whether being me is acceptable to the rest of the world. Yes, sometimes I do need to consider where the thought is coming from – whether it’s from my heart or my head? And like you, I sometimes get it wrong and now I am gradually learning that that is OK too.
Emily, I absolutely loved the playfulness of your writting, please keep sending in blogs. For me discerning my true feelings from the ‘thought monsters’ is ever present. I know I missed a moment today because the thought monsters had a little win, but only a little one. I am so much more aware of them now. You know EVERYTIME they have a win, I am discovering that they actually give themselves away, this for me is making it much easier to zap them when it happens next, as it will.
Reading this I got a gorgeous picture of playing hide and seek with the thought monsters, and remembering the stage when if children close their eyes and can’t see you, they think they can’t be seen.
Love this Leigh – thank you! “….Every time the ‘thought monsters’ have a win, they actually give themselves away”. This is so true and gives me a whole new level of understanding and appreciation in those moments when they do rear their scurrilous little heads. This feels like true freedom; offering myself love and understanding and even celebration in the seeing more clearly the ‘thought layers’ that hinder the expression of the true me.
I can completely relate to all of what you have shared and I especially love how you have so aptly named those negative thoughts for what they really are – monsters indeed! What I am finding is that when I am aware of these monsters I check back in with my actions – often they are not as gentle as I know I can be when present with myself. Likewise when I notice my actions are rough my thoughts are likewise running amok. The more I continue to be willing to keep track I feel that it is a great means of quality control within my life.
Great, and very timely reminder to pay attention to the quality of my thoughts, thank you Emily.
Love your blog, Emily. I agree it’s all a work in progress, particularly learning to listen and discern the type of thoughts we’re having – and then of course to act upon them in our best interests – self care and self love. What I’ve noticed is that true thoughts come with a real gentleness, softness and almost a whispher. Blink and you miss it. Never pushy, rebuking or judging. Just there in the background, if I choose to listen. These days I pretty much know when I’ve disregarded a true thought because I immediately feel a level of sadness about leaving an opportunity for greater love for myself behind – by choice. Then what follows is an unpleasant knowing that I’m to face the inevitability of being confronted later with the consequences of that choice.
“Then what follows is an unpleasant knowing that I’m to face the inevitability of being confronted later with the consequences of that choice” – that feels true for me also, but isn’t it amazing that we have the awareness to realise that we HAVE made an unloving choice to express ourselves and we then have the opportunity come around again to make a different choice the next time.
Thanks for sharing your conversation and thought monsters. For me, there is such an imbedded way of calibrating around others that I have to really focus on what it is I really want to do sometimes. Often I’m a little unsure as I’m just not used to making that choice without it being about what I think other people want. It’s almost like I’m getting to know myself again, so looking out for those thought monsters and asking myself the question ‘why’ is a great help in getting to know if I’m truly just being me…
I can really relate to what you say Laura. I feel I have spent most of my life “calibrating around others” and losing myself in the process. Feeling that I didn’t really want to do something but doing it anyway and then regretting it. Now I have more awareness of what I am doing I can honour myself and start to bring myself back to me by outing the “thought monsters”. And what if then, what I do is true for me, it must then be true for everyone.
‘Finding a balance in true expression’ what a beautiful sharing thank you Emily I love it ,so simple and so true. This is something many experience, very familiar and brilliantly expressed.
I recognized the one about not expressing in full because then maybe the other feels less happy than before.
I lived that too, and still do even though less each day. It is a big lie we live like that.
We are not here to make friends, we are here to speak our truth. That is what is needed very much when we see around us how ill the world is getting. It would be great if we all become real and truthful again and stop keeping each other in comfort but calling ourselves and others out of our comfort.
True tricia, the simplicity and realness of the inner conversation writtn down by Emily is briljant even the thought given this conversation come from a source we have to learn to disconnect from. It misleads us from our path in return.
Emily you have done well to really call out the ‘thought monster’, as you call it, and it is a great one to observe and I have experienced how much we can really bash ourselves for no reason whatsoever.
Emily I love the humour in this. I know all too well the ‘am I allowed to’s’! It gets exhausting looking for permission to be myself. Your blog is very refreshing.
Very entertaining read about those little ‘thought monsters’ that we often allow to run havoc with our lives! Thanks.
I like your style Emily! It’s good to ask the question “am I allowed” and realise what is behind that question compared to “I am able”. To think more deeply about why we do certain things can only bring more understanding to ourselves and others.
Thank you for sharing Emily – I know what you mean by the ‘thought monsters’ and all the am I allowed to or should I questions which can pop up in my thoughts to undermine me and what I am doing.I love how you said that:
‘True freedom is loving the body I’m in, accepting and loving who I am and allowing myself to be rid of those ‘Thought Monsters’. True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.’
This is a great article Emily, thank you, ‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself’, this is what I’m beginning to feel, that I can give that to myself no matter what is going on around me.
‘True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself’ – this is so true and just giving myself permission to be me without someone else’s permission is such a gift.
Fully agree – like most things you can only give true freedom to yourself, and everything else as well, to live empowered and in connection with self. When we are connected to ourselves, then that brings this freedom as we are no longer run by what is around us or what we feel we need from others.
Lovely Emily. What could be better than just being you and accepting all that that is? I realised from your blog that even those ‘Thought Monsters’ are coming in just because we are beginning to be something we think we ought to be instead of just be-ing. We may not yet be acting it, but we are already going into something we are in-truth not. I can feel the joy and freedom of just be-ing you in this blog. Thank you for sharing
Beautiful insight Joshua – thank you for sharing. This makes total sense as I know that when I hold damaging thoughts it’s usually because I am comparing myself to someone else – whether that be because I see myself as better or not as good as them. This is definitely not a true and loving way to view ourselves or interact with others.
That’s exactly it Shevon and Josh, a lot of my thoughts come after I compare myself to another or not think I am good enough.
‘And accepting all that that is’. I needed to read that again Joshua. To accept, and celebrate each stage of my unfolding. Thank you.
Yes Josh what you say makes sense, how complex becomes life when we listen to the Thought Monsters and how simple life is when we accept what is and go with that, joyfully.
That makes a lot of sense Joshua, and what Shevon and Emily have added I have also felt to be my experience. Whatever image or belief I have held onto, I will compare it against the outside world around me and if they don’t match, I am in the wrong and the thought monsters are more then willing to tell me thus; and if it does match then I don’t have to question how true and real and genuinely supportive to my well-being, which then impacts on my relationships which then impacts on others and what that ripple affect has the potential to cause. All because of holding onto an idea of how I should be, but that ‘how I should be’ is constantly changing with my environment. The one line that stood out for me on this return to reading this blog was “True freedom is loving the body I’m in,” As I am starting to experience that no matter where I am, who I am with, I can still be gentle with my body by choice. I may not be perfect at it but perfection constantly changes, constantly says I am not enough, perfection is part of the thought monsters repertoire.
I enjoyed reading this article and the bit that really leaps out at me is; “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” Very profound. Thank you Emily.
I agree Mary very wise words.
I agree Mary, ” True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.”
Well said Gyl, True freedom we can only give ourselves. Awesome Blog Emily , thank you for shining the light onto all these crazy thoughts we allow to be.
It ‘s like reading about myself while reading thig blog. Emily i love what you have written. Am i allowed…..yes, it is like asking constantly permission from others to be a certain way. I am also afraid to get reactions which makes me holding back, not saying things or saying it differently. It gives me a tension and shows me that i want to keep peace and a harmony. I don’t want to disturb. Step by step i am learning about my expression and realizing that if i don’t express or make those choices that support me, i am not living a true life and i reflect to others that it is ok to hold back.
This is so true Mariette, reading this makes me aware how crazy it is that I look for permission from others rather than simply living what feels true for me. ‘Am i allowed…..yes, it is like asking constantly permission from others to be a certain way.’
I am so with you on this Rebecca.
It is crazy Rebecca and it is more surprising how ingrained this way of living is for most of us, and to live free of these self imposed constraints is a dedicated choice! Well worth it though as it is seriously less exhausting.
Agree Vanessa and Rebecca. It is exhausting – and we can self-doubt on auto pilot! More awareness and choice I say 🙂
Absolutely and it’s a very stifling way of living which could result in illness and disease manifesting in our bodies.
Yes I agree it’s crazy looking to others for permission. I can so dis-empower myself when doing this, then I remember to connect to me and I’m back going that was crazy, what prompted me to do that?
Emily thank you. When you speak of calibrating to those around you, I recognise this well, certainly in my past. it’s a reminder of what happens when we feel less and do not fully accept ourselves. It’s freeing when we are able accept where we are without judgement but also take responsibility for making different choices next time.
I can really relate to what you have written Mariette and Emily, ‘ Am i allowed…..yes, it is like asking constantly permission from others to be a certain way. I am also afraid to get reactions which makes me holding back, not saying things or saying it differently’, I am starting to change this and when I do express what I feel it feels very powerful and true.
My thought monster does not ask for permission but it is just as interfering and useless – clearly what matters is the quality of thoughts I find, regardless of their content. For a long time I had this thought(!) that if I just have the right thoughts all will be well.
That was a slight misunderstanding…
Interfering and useless thoughts can keep us completely lost, distracted, entertained and distracted for a very long time.
I can relate to why you are sharing Mariette. And when I look for the approval of others it is really sufficating me in my expression.
Beautifully said Mariette. The constant questioning of ourselves and holding ourselves back slowly chips away and erodes our sense of self worth. Am I allowed to do this or that, can I be this or be that is just ‘like asking permission from others’ whether you can be yourself or not. Why do we doubt and run away from being ourselves so much and fear the reaction of others who are most likely while in that reaction are not being themselves either. It’s all quite the game really, the game of life.
Emily I loved this – thank you – it is simple, playful and gets to the heart of the issue with the “thought monsters”. It’s made me consider just how often I question myself – something I am certainly working on, on putting a stop to. So perfect timing to read.
It is simple, light and playful David, whilst busting a few lids of those “thought monsters “. Thank you.
What an amazing blog Emily. What is awe-some is your awareness of who you really are.
Thank you Emily, what an amazing account of YOU claiming responsibility for YOU and all your choices. I love how you refer to ‘thought monsters’ – very playful and easy to relate to and an inspirational read for many. I have found as I sort through these ‘thought monsters’ I too have discovered – “True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care.” Awesome 🙂
I agree Julie, I also love that sentence – you cannot save anyone, you can only save yourself.
Yeah I agree, we can only save ourself not others.
Yes I too really enjoyed the playful way that Emily wrote about, what is really quite a devastating topic, albeit one that has or does plague pretty much most of us. I too have ‘thought monsters’, big time, and am finding it interesting to observe when I have less, when I can spot them for what they are, and when I still seem to be a bit blind to them until after the event. That then enables me to ask,’why’?, and usually it is because I have a deep seated belief about how I should be in a certain environment, or am still excited or fearful in that environment.
It’s interesting how those ‘thought monsters’ always pop up in our lives when we are feeling amazing and claim the responsibility to be more of what is already waiting outside. The ‘thoughts get more sophisticated in trying to bring in self doubt. Stopping more regularly to read each situation and how it will unfold has been the lesson that has come from this blog.
This is really insightful and lighthearted but with a wisdom through your deep self reflection. It has actually supported me to understand some of my recent choices and now I move forward with greater understanding and wisdom. Taking your ‘… “Oh okay, well… next time I’ll know better”, I’m taking responsibility for me …’ with me.
Absolutely and it is lovely to hear there is no judgement in that, just an observation and willingness to see. Really inspiring.
Yes i agree Vicky, no judgement just an observation and greater awareness for next time.
Totally agree Ariana, well said.
I know I shrink from self reflection- I used to think being my own worst critic was a good thing because it pushes you.
Reading this blog is a loving reminder that we can also appreciate and inspire ourselves. That might just be the magic of self worth
Yes, I agree this blog is very insightful Ariana
What a joy it is to be in Planet School, so much learning, so much evolving.
So well expressed Ariana – thank you! I certainly am one who shrinks from self reflection and yet feel frustrated because I feel I am stuck in the ‘slow lane’. Love ‘Seeing ourselves as always learning is a great way to be, then we can cut ourselves some slack and allow that we are all learning here in planet school’. Shall happily wear my L plates!
Well said Ariana – it is about letting ourselves learn – and considering why we are making certain choices before beating ourselves up about what those choices were.
I ave found looking at it this way makes it easier for me to understand whats behind ‘the cake’ as it were.
I think I have asked myself a lot of the same question over the years, thanks for the reminder Emily
Me too, they all seem so familiar.
Thanks so much Emily for a great blog – especially the ‘am I allowed to’ section which I was recognising the other day I was still carrying around with me like a piece of self-inflicted baggage.
Yea, that’s really what it is hey Lyndy.- self-inflicted baggage.
haha and we pay for every extra kilo.
I have those ‘thought monsters’ you describe Emily, and if I give into them, end up doing and saying things that do not come from truth. The key sentence is: ‘I’m taking responsibility for me.’ Once I take responsibility for my life and be honest about my choices that do not fully serve me or others, it is much easier to give myself permission to be Me which keeps life simple – and just as you expressed: ‘ True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care’.
I agree Jacqui a beautiful article and an inspiration to really go deeper with self responsibility
“True freedom is not something someone else can give you, but what you give yourself – self love and self care’.” Awesome.
This sentence is so empowering and inspiring – I know from my experience of bringing self-love, self-care and responsibility into my everyday living I feel this freedom.
So true, true freedom, is what you give yourself, nothing someone else gives.
I agree Jacqui, responsibility is a key!
Emily, this is awesome the way you put it, and I can relate to this, all the questions I allow in my thoughts are really devastating to me. I can feel the freedom that I will experience when I accept what the body brings up for me to consider and not to allow any thought that the mind brings as being a measure to the environment I am in. Thank you Emily, great blog, great teaching.
you can guess no longer…other people definitely have thought monsters as well…well at least I do…thanks for shining a light on them
I agree with you Joel, the thought monsters have now been outed. We can now all see them for what they truly are.
What a great way to describe those thoughts that put us down and crush our open expression. It seems that we all have ‘thought monsters’ and it is great to see them for what they truly are. They lose their strong grip when they are outed in this way.
Yes, once we have outed them they are loosing their power and we can connect with who we truly are.
Emily has so beautifully written how these “thought monsters’ stop us bringing the quality and uniqueness of who we are to all that we say and do. The powerful statements are inspiring to read each and every time.
Exactly Mary. I too remember as a child feeling the people around me to gauge how they were, and as the years rolled on then gauging how I should be around them to fit in, or not get noticed if they were in a bad mood, or how to light up if it felt safe to do so. And that’s when you say “Hello” to the thought monsters. There’s not much real, authentic me in that!
So as Emily so simply presents and I am experiencing more and more, its being aware of how we react and what we then chouse so we can start saying “No” to the thought monsters.
Ouch! I know these ‘thought monsters’ – thanks to the attending presentations with Serge Benhayon, they are much less so now than in my earlier years (when they appeared to follow me around everywhere) say.
One popped up today regarding ‘getting it wrong’ and it was great to be able to playfully say ‘No’ to it in another way.
“Hello” to the thought monsters. There’s not much real, authentic me in that!
Being inspired with your comment is appreciated!
It’s true Stephanie, being able to catch these thoughts as they try to enter and say no to them is hugely powerful. If we don’t register this and start to entertain them (giving free rein to that thinking), then the energy kind of takes hold and before we know it we’re living deep in the story/action/ self-condemnation/drama/more thoughts and so deep that we think it is us. Learning to connect to the stillness inside, the part that is truly us, allows the space from which these thoughts can be exposed and seen for the imposters they are. Then we have the choice to say no.
Yes Shirley-Anne It feels like time to rock the boat bringing exactly who we are to everyone, thought monsters and All! Lets banish the imaginary beasts from the divine kingdom we truly are. When we start to connect with ourselves on the inside there is much less room for thought monsters, which means much less room for cake.
Great article Emily – thank you. And thank you Shirley for expressing me to a T (pardon the pun) in your comment – this has opened me up to the real possibility of learning a new dance – true movement so to speak – building a trusting relationship with myself so I can feel free to dance without worrying about rocking the boat. It just came to me that I have been having several dreams about missing the boat and I realise now that it is the LOVE BOAT!
Yes we need to rock the boat! It`s really about letting others react and feel that they are uncomfortable, about letting them feel their emotions and the choices they have or have not made… the people in this world in truth benefit much more from a reflection of true light and love without holding back instead of bending to make others feel good.
I agree Joel, perhaps it is far more common that it is talked about
Yes Rebecca absolutely.
Bringing the awareness to the Thought Monsters versus the True Thoughts is the gift, although it can sometimes be surprising how constant and subtle the Thought Monsters can be.
I also have the childhood memory of being so easily influenced by what was going on around me and behaving in a way that would not hurt/upset others. The choice to not be my awesome, joful self because of the sad/bad mood of another has been a great hurt for me in my life and I am still working at this.
Yes the thoughts can be so subtle that before you know it your twenty thoughts down the line and your not to sure how you got there. Awesome to break this down by bringing awareness in everything that you do.
And that feels very important to acknowledge, Joel. We are not the only ones walking around with these thoughts gnawing away at us. Pretty much every single person that you will ever meet has their own little beasties they are dealing with.
That helps to get rid of one of the hidden monsters: “no one else has these kind of thoughts, so what is wrong with you?”
And what a perfect start Naren. To get rid of that monster that one particular monster ‘that we are the only one having these kinds of thoughts’. They can be so sneaky and subtle at times.
Yes Great point Naren, that thought monster feels the most sneaky because when we listen to that one it can challenge all the true thoughts that are there also.
That’s a good point Naren and takes away a lot of judgement if we understand that everyone has thought monsters and how each of us deal with them is different and then plays out outside in the body and world around us and them.
Yep – I have got those thought monsters too! I like to banish them to distant kingdoms, but they do somehow sneak back in. I seem to catch them faster and faster these days though!
Exactly Deborah, this is what I have noticed, too. The ‘thought monsters’ are not there for long anymore, just the time to be noticed, of being not true. Naming them and letting them go is the key.
It is so true there are many of us who have thought monsters, I definitely do, but its something not often shared or talked about.
Oh you are so right Joel I have this thought monsters as well but what I love is that now with exposing them so beautiful through Emily I can have a bit of fun with them because now I can call them by name – wunderbar!!!
I have thought monsters as well, not so much the ‘am I allowed to?’ kind but thoughts that distract me from what I am actually feeling at that moment. Coming back to my body removes the forcefulness from the thoughts – after all they need my co-operation to affect me, otherwise they are just stray thoughts.
Yes, indeed Christoph. They definetely need an opening from us, such as comparing ourselves with others, looking for recognition or love on the outside or expecting something from the other. When I allow myself to be by accepting myself and my natural expression in the first place, I have no thought monsters neither in my head nor in my expression. And this feels so amazing it is a healing for everyone.
I am playing that record as well Mary, its a record that is very much ingrained and takes time to let go….normally I would scan first in which mood everybody is and then I would adjust in how I can be. It’s a tricky one but step by step, letting go of that record and a new record is playing: Mariette in full!
Yes Mary I carried with me so many beliefs of how I should behave, could and could not do, all of them contracting me ever more into nothingness. I now feel like a flower slowly opening up to the sunshine and adding my beauty to the garden of life.
Yes Joel, other people certainly do have thought monsters but for a very long time I thought only I had them!! Isn’t it great when we are honest and nominate them knowing that we are not alone in experiencing them and more important these ugly thoughts are definitely not who we truly are.
Thank you Emily for opening the door to the ‘Thought Monster’. I find that by being aware of how this ‘monster’ works to distract me from my real feelings and purpose it takes away its power. I see that this is what you are achieving too, well done!
So true Susan, in understanding the way “thought monsters” behave it gives us a huge awareness of what is going, the ways we are being played with, and gives us an opportunity to make choices for all and cease to hold back.
This is true Ariana, we certainly are amazing.
Awesome Ariana. We are indeed allowed to be great, glorious and tender, a great gift to ourselves.
I like this; we are allowed to be great and a gift to ourselves. How great would it be if this would be thought in schools.
Thanks Ariana. Yes, now I come to think of it, those I thought had the authority to say that growing up, so didn’t. Thank you.
I agree having the awareness of how these “thought monsters” play with us, it allows us to make choices to not get caught in these thoughts. If we do just accept and start again and not beat the self up.
Yes it is a down would spiral but what we have to address is what have we chosen to get to that point when those thoughts are coming through. Taking a deeper look at what is causing these choices without getting sucked into the issues is a great place to start to a much needed healing.
Natalie I love this comment as it asks us to not just stop at identifying those thought monsters and saying NO but also looking at how we let them in. This really brings in the possibility that we may have been doing things to allow those thoughts to happen in the first place.
Yes Amita, and I am realising that beating ourselves up is just letting the ‘thought monster’ in by the back door. We pick a baby up if it stumbles, so why not be gentle on ourselves if we have a wobble.
Yes, we do pick up the baby, but we don’t tell it it shouldn’t ever try to walk again, but how often after a wobble do I do that, avoid the situation, instead of gently picking myself up and continuing
Well said Sandra, we are so worthy of being gentle with ourselves – and truly loving too.
To be gentle with ourselves as if we were a new born baby. I love this Sandra. So timely for me right now.
Yes, lets stop being so mean to ourselves and treat ourselves as we would a baby instead. Bye bye thought monsters!
Great point Sandra, there is no chastising, rather we just hold them in the space with the knowingness of the all the possibilities that may come.
I agree, Amita, being aware of these “thought monsters” and seeing how they affect all we do helps us gradually deal with them and connect back to ourselves to feel the real truth. My “thought monsters” are appearing less and less as I learn to clean them out of my mind.
The thought monsters are so often what keeps us doubting. To nominate these regularly is what brings us back to feeling the awesomeness we all are.
Yes Amita, just having the awareness of the “thought monsters” can disempower them from becoming your action.
I agree Amita, beating ourselves is just another little ploy from the “thought monster” to keep ourselves small and stop ourselves from connecting to the tenderness and beauty within and accepting ourselves for who we are and where we are at.
Yes Amita that choice to just accept and start again without beating up on ourselves shows others that there is no perfection and brings a level of deeper understanding for all to see.
Yes Oliver, awareness is the key, awareness and taking responsibility frees us to be more loving in our daily living , which leads to more loving choices.
Great point Oliver. By understanding how the thought monsters work, we can make choices from this awareness that builds and builds and changes our patterns of thinking and behaviour.
Oh yes, Jaqueline and Anne-Marie, awareness and understanding! Couple that together with appreciation and acceptance and we have the tools to take us down the path of return to who we truly are, beautiful.
I agree Oliver, the awareness gives us an opportunity to make choices.
Agree Oliver, it gives a whole new perception on the subject matter.
Yes, Ariana, “giving ourselves permission” is the key.
Spot on Natalie, I also love Emily’s light-hearted approach…
Thereby the thought monster is slain…
Hilarious Luke. Should the thought monster return, as it has a way of re-inventing itself, we know it can be slayed again. Powerful we are!
My own personal ‘thought monster’ has now clearly been shown the door.
What a relief! Why haven’t I done this before… you are absolutely right Ariana, we ARE allowed to be great, glorious and tender, and accepting ourselves is the first, but sometimes rather huge step. But once this step is taken by the choice to not hold back and begin to be more true to ourselves, the world opens up on a grand scale and becomes miraculous. Everyday is a new opportunity to open this gift to ourselves and share it with everyone.
So true Sandra, thank you for sharing!
So true, self-acceptance is a great step to take and so necessary before we can get to self-appreciation.
Everyday is a new opportunity to be great, glorious and tender. Thank you Sandra.
“We are allowed to be great, glorious and tender, giving ourselves permission to be that is a great gift”, this is so true Ariana.
Even the mere fact that we are aware that our “thought monsters” are not our true selves is to be appreciated and celebrated as without this awareness we would continue to live our lives deep in the illusion of thinking that what we ‘think’ is who we are. I am beginning to give myself permission everyday for the true, glorious me to shine out and be seen.
yes, absolutely. I now know my “thought-monsters” very well and expose them by choosing so.
This is great Ariana. There is no room for the thought monsters to reign free when we trust in the amazingly tender and precious beings we all are. That is a beautiful gift indeed.
Indeed it is Ariana, a beautiful gift; a precious gift given to ourselves.
Thank you for the reminder and very wise words
Great point Ariana, this part seems key: “if we allow it free reign.” I have been trying often to fight the monsters but that is already giving them too much room. It is about not having them there in the first place and that is by allowing myself to be all I am. Thank you for the reminder.
Yes Emily I’m also plagued with “who I am going to be depending on who I am around”. Most of my life I lived making sure I did not upset anyone, a life of self-made servitude. Universal Medicine and the blogs I’m reading bring home this awful truth but layer by layer I’m freeing myself. I have a choice to eat that cake or not.
Well said Patricia – I like the quote that you have picked out: “who I am going to be depending on who I am around”, I can relate to that a lot
Yes, well said Patriicia and like Jessica I also like the quote you have picked out as I used to do that so much.
I can relate to that too Patricia and Jessica, and in doing that, I deny being my true self and deny others seeing the true me too.
I am so glad I am revisiting this blog again as I at the moment can so relate to this. Am I allowing myself to be all of me with people and in my full expression? I just realized this morning that I have been capping myself a bit with somebody in my life to not disturb or expose and with that, not allowing my full expression to come out.
I agree Patricia, I have spent a lot of my life like a chameleon adapting to people and life along the way but since attending courses at Universal Medicine, have been unravelling what is not me to find a pretty cool dude underneath the layers. I now feel like a butterfly that is free to fly and am enjoying the freedom of being me at last. Great blog!
A free butterfly. Love that. A friend asked the other day -‘what are you allowed to eat on your regime’. I laughed out loud. There is no regime, I eat what I feel to, when and how I feel to. There is no study on nutrition , no ‘5 a day’ recommendation from government that influences me, I am truly free to listen to my own body as to its needs. And it’s the same with the rest of my life. If I feel to, I do, if not, I don’t. Goodbye chameleon, hello cool dude.
Amazing how we can be boxed into being “on a regime” when a choice is made to change eating habits. I have experienced this too.
For me, to return to eating food that supported my energy levels and vitality, which in the main are fresh meat and vegetables etc, and dropping those foods that made me feel bad after I ate them is just common sense. Listening to myself around what feels right for me was all that was required. No diet, or fad, or regime needed.
It feels great to have taken responsibility back for what I put into my mouth rather than be influenced by anything outside me telling me what to eat. My body never lies and the more I support it with what I eat, the more I can feel what else in my life is supportive or not. Awesome.
Isn’t it the best feeling ever, enjoying our freedom of being ‘me’.
Yes absolutely!
I smiled at the phrase, ‘self made servitude’ Patricia because it is exactly the right description when we bow to the invisible and illusionary masters of our own fate. Me all over in the past! Thanks to the awakening through Universal Medicine and the teachings of the Ancient Wisdom by Serge Benhayon, of my own expression and worth, that servitude has diminished significantly!
Hi Patricia, a great reminder of the freeing of yourself in the knowing that “I have a choice to eat that cake or not.”
We always have choice and taking responsibility for these choices is so beautiful to feel as we honour ourselves along the way and also to feel the ouch when we don’t too is all supportive in the making of the next choice along the way.
Yes Beverly agree, the ‘cake’ being metaphoric for anything in life – that always there’s the choice to choose, or not choose. That each choice either affirms towards a greater sense of freeness in expression, or solidifies the pattern of boxed-up status quo.
It is great to read and have an insight into what obviously many women have taken on from society as about not being allowed. It brings more understanding as a man to what is normally felt as either an emptiness and sadness and asking of permission, or a defiant, protective look that could blow away any chance of simply meeting one another.
Yes, I never have heard it described so clearly, but thought monster is so so apt for what plays out in our minds at times. I too have felt the hesitancy in my expression, due to worrying about the repercussions. It’s taking a while to break the tension, but I am working on it, because I don’t want the ” thought monsters ” to win the game. I have a right to be heard and to say what I truely feel.
Great blog Emily, calling out this restriction is very powerful! I can relate to most of your points – as a little girl I lived restricted to what I am allowed to do and say. I have allowed myself to not follow these restrictions anymore. Thanks to Serge Benhayon I have learned how to undo these false beliefs. I do appreciate this choice that I have made deeply and truly.