In the past I can honestly say that I had little to no genuine appreciation for men.
I used to see men more for the roles they played, or what they could do for me, or for their family. Sometimes I was aware that some men should be avoided as they gave me unwanted looks or attention that made me feel uncomfortable. At other times I gave my power away to men as I thought they knew more than me or they were forceful and imposing with the way they delivered their knowledge.
To add to this I also had very little appreciation for myself, and women in general too. I liked what I saw in each gender and thought some things were nice or pleasing but when I reflect on the level of appreciation I now have for myself and others, I can see that in the past there was very little true appreciation.
It is only because of Serge Benhayon and all that he presents and lives, along with his unending care towards people, that I have become aware of this. With the support of Universal Medicine practitioners, the amazing reflection of all the caring and vital men and women that make up the students of The Way of The Livingness, as well as my willingness to deepen, unfold and change old patterns, I have connected to and can appreciate the deeply loving person I am and can also see and feel others to be.
In this past year I have been fortunate enough to meet two amazing new male friends who have inspired me. If I had met these men in the past, I am sure I would have been oblivious to their amazingness and/or I probably would have found it confronting to be met with such care and in such an engaging way, let alone appreciate them for it. I have met many people over the last year but these men stood out for their very genuine qualities.
One man is a painter who I was recommended to use. He has a high level of integrity and an amazing work ethic and consideration for his clients. The other man is retired and volunteers a lot of his time; I see him when my husband and I walk our dog near the beach. He has a beautiful way about him that includes everybody around him. He always gives his full undivided attention to the people he speaks with, and he lifts people up by simply smiling and saying a joyful hello. Both men have integrity, are very respectful and value relationships with other people and have a beautiful way of connecting with people.
Whenever I am around each of them I feel met and cared for because each of them takes the time to stop, really listen and hold a very caring level of eye contact throughout the conversation.
I simply feel how amazing it is that these men – who just go about their day – work hard doing what they do (whether they are paid for it or not), are living life to the full and yet have held on to the beautiful tenderness and self-connection they would have had as young boys. Today they share that in the interactions they have with others. They are not shut down or dismissive, racy, forceful or imposing; instead they are patient, open, engaging, humble, gentle and genuinely caring. These are men to admire, who definitely have qualities worth appreciating.
I love that I can see these amazing qualities in others and myself. I now know what true connection feels like and I can have it with other people in my everyday activities.
Written in the full appreciation of the lived loving way of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine.
By Johanna Smith, Bachelor of Education
Further Reading:
Relationships
The Gorgeousness Of It All: Falling In Love With Myself, Others and The World
Magic of Knowing… We are All One & the Same on the Inside
820 Comments
“I have connected to and can appreciate the deeply loving person I am and can also see and feel others to be.” Love is the shared denominator between us all.
From my experience of Universal Medicine I discovered I had absolutely no appreciation of myself and this I am working on steadily. I have discovered that if we have no appreciation of who we are and what we can bring to the world then we cannot value or appreciate others. This is a huge life lesson for us all to learn.
Relationships are reflections, Mary if you’ve dismantled your ‘self made prison’ then you will attract men who reflect the same back to you which then paves the way for a a very tender, loving and joyful union. Simply gorgeous.
Mary it feels to me like you’ve had ‘loads of issues’ around who ‘men are not’ rather than ‘with men’, which is a completely different thing but I would imagine that the world is full of women that feel the same as you. I also feel that it would also be true to say that there would be an incredible amount of men that have issues around ‘who women are not’ but who believe they have issues around women per say. The trouble is with neither sex is operating from the honesty of who they truly are and so we have a society of people who have issues with each other, be that in or out of relationships.
There is no doubt in my mind that Serge Benhayon has been the catalyst for thousands of people who have been touched by the love that he reflects which is divine. We are all from the one source and in our determination to be individual we have completely lost sight of this basic truth. The fact that he constantly reflects this to humanity in spite of our continued resistance shows to me the depth of obedience he has to the plan, hierarchy and ultimately God.
Appreciation in truth is the understanding of the true Joy we are in and also comes with an openness of letting people in (intimacy), so when we appreciate another we are feeling their essences and thus our divinity feels their divinity, which is full-appreciation of the Godly-ness we can live.
Amazing it is, that what you have shared is the deep child-like-ness, which is usually hidden, buried, denounced, over-ridden, squashed, crushed, hardened, toughened and simply told to man-up, but a man’s’ True sensitivities is when a man in his absolute True Power, as you have shared Johanna, and it is very much the same with women and their Sacredness.
The more I appreciate myself the more appreciation I have for everyone in my life both men and women.
Yes Helen, I agree, and appreciation is a very beautiful addition to our lives.
Feeling the love in ourselves and others allows us to appreciate the power of love.
Bringing more appreciation into all areas of our life changes so much, and life becomes extra enjoyable.
So well said Elizabeth. It is simply not possible to truly appreciate another unless we hold that same level of love and appreciation for ourselves first.
Indeed that is something that has surfaced as well since I became a student of Universal Medicine and The Way of the Livingness: more appreciation on men and women. Now I see the big role each gender has to play and their potential, which is so much more than we do.
We have come to a point on this plane of life where nothing is truly working from the old place we have been doing so. Our world is a mess, we have the most murder, rape, corruption, war, violation, abuse, deceit etc. Then ever before. So what is going on? Are we being asked to be more responsible? Have we taken this role seriously or have we been feeding the creation of staying in the exact same spot (comfort) instead of rising beyond? Lets ponder.
When we do appreciate men for who they truly are in essence, we then begin to break down the ill- consciousness that imposes on us all and robbing us all of the innate richness, tenderness and sacred qualities that men in their true essence naturally offer us all.
There can be nothing lovelier than being in the presence of a man who expresses his innate essence and tenderness… it’s very melting.
We can’t see how amazing we or other people are when we are focused on what they/we do or have done previously.
Beautifully said Elizabeth, when we hold and appreciate ourselves in the love that we are then it becomes a natural way of being to appreciate men and others in our lives. Deepen the love and appreciation within ourselves and then appreciation of others becomes a ‘normal’ way of living.
So very true Caroline. No trying involved, it very organically becomes a way of being.
I agree, appreciating ourselves first and foremost helps us to naturally start appreciating others.
We do not need to talk about appreciation – this is not appreciation – this is knowledge; we just need to live it in our movements.
The main recipe for a fantastic life filled with lots of love is appreciation, if we don’t appreciate we go round and round in circles without seeing the beauty that is there for us.
I now work in an all boys’ school and what is so apparent to me, under the veneer of their acting tough and invincible, is just how sensitive and tender every boy is that I encounter. They try desperately to hide them but these qualities simply can’t be buried – we can pretend all we like that they are not there, but it doesn’t mean they are not for all of that, or that at heart every single boy and man is simply divinity incarnate in the natural caring, sensitive and gentle quality they possess.
With the tougher act and the stronger invincibility act, the greater the sensitivity lies underneath; this is what is so desperately wanting to be protected.
Yes, Johanna, appreciation of who we are is the foundation of being able to see all the amazing qualities we have ourselves and equally in others. And by you expressing the level of appreciation you have felt for two men close to you you confirm the love that lives within you and is there to share with everybody naturally so.
Tenderness in men has been a hidden treasure for too long.
Agreed Michael and this loss of this richness lived and reflected in our lives is something we are all responsible for allowing. Deepening our relationship with our essence we can then appreciate the richness that is there is all others of either gender and our connections becomes founded on truth, confirming the true qualities of who we naturally and tenderly are.
Being able to meet each other in absolute tenderness is our natural way of being and yet most of us operate in very different ways, we’re more like bumper cars, bouncing off the hardness of each other, all the while craving the tenderness and intimacy of true connection.
Yes, that is true and this also allows women to be treated with much more appreciation.
I found that how I treat myself I then also treat others – of either gender. That may be coloured by preferences or if I want something from specific people but overall it was the same. Once I lived with more love my behaviour and experience of others and myself became very different.
As I express more appreciation I feel my life get lighter and more in-joy-able, relationships open up and I feel more confident too. What a great medicine appreciation is.
I have finally come to see the struggle I had for many years to appreciate the men in my life was because I “had very little appreciation for myself”. I have learnt that to love truly love another, to care for another and to appreciate another it is so crucial for me to have all those beautiful qualities in my own foundation for life. And once I do, loving, caring and appreciating another comes so very naturally.
Yes I feel that too Ingrid. And it’s something that has no end point it just deepens as we choose and allow for more care love and appreciation in our daily life
So well put Ingrid. It is only with learning to have this true love and appreciation for ourselves, that we can start to really begin to truly love another.
Same for me Ingrid, it feels so lovely to appreciate ourselves and then our love and appreciation for everyone in our life is also ignited. It is difficult to appreciate others if we leave ourselves out.
When we appreciate ourselves we give a gift to the world and when we appreciate another the same thing happens, so how can appreciation ever be a bad thing – it’s a win, win situation.
Beautiful for you to be able to appreciate men to this deep level and to see them in a different way. These 2 men in your life who you describe shows that there is potential in us all to connect with each other and offer something greater.
When someone truly meets you for who you are it is an imprint that is left in the body. To be able to receive that is to plant a seed that we have that capacity within us too. Very inspirational.
When we truly connect to another we realise it doesn’t matter what there gender is we are all pretty damm amazing, look deep into another’s eyes and you can not deny divinity and the universe.
I enjoy how your post Johanna is so confirming of the way we see ourselves being the way we see others too, and as a woman to see and appreciate a man in his qualities is very beautiful. I know for myself that when a man shows (and is not afraid to show it either) his qualities of tenderness, sensitivity, warmth and engagement, I’m absolutely sold, and in-love!
I recently observed a friend of mine meet a male work colleague of mine and saw him open up and respond very differently to how he normally does. What was great about this was that the friend didn’t relate to him in his role but to him as a person and he was very open and responsive to this and it taught me to not play into the roles but to connect deeper to the person.
Great observation MW, and this shows how we are with each other can either suppress who we are or confirm and open us up more to be more ourselves.
It is really very great to have articles like this one being published, an article that openly talks about the true care and integrity that can be present in men. As this is something to be appreciated, to be honoured and cherished and adored.
Being able to appreciate others means we are able to appreciate ourselves too. The magic of appreciation is powerful and simple, yet not many people in this world are utilising its power and magic. I am starting to tap into this amazing power through appreciating myself and others more and more.
Appreciation is about what a “true connection feels like”, and once discovered in ones-self we can-not but help appreciating what others bring from their essence.
What I have noticed is that if I do not appreciate myself as a woman, then I am not open to receiving and seeing the beauty in another. The more I surrender and drop into my own beauty the more this draws this out in others too.
The more we appreciate ourselves the more we offer another. How powerful is this maker that shows us that we leave no one behind when we offer more love in the equation?
I know I’ve been told this before many times but today it felt like a lightbulb came on reading your comment MW. This then brings up a question: Are there any beliefs being carried about being beautiful?
What we do not do enough is appreciating.. Not just by words but by movement. It is recently that I have begin to feel what appreciation actually is, to receive the moment that is full of appreciation and choose to walk it thereafter. It is practise.
I loved what you shared Danna, that appreciation is not just in words but by our movements, how we move within ourselves and appreciate who we are, and our loving actions towards others, where by touch they feel the love and appreciation we have for them.
Yes thanks Danna great reminder that appreciation is the key!
Recently I have felt very acutely how I deflect another’s appreciation of me almost instantly and I have also felt how this kind of puts a stop or a block on the moment. If I were to simply allow what’s being expressed by another to be expressed without shutting it down then in that moment there would be expansion for us both. And at the end of the day expansion is the name of the game.
Opening men up to the truth they are feeling is so simple when we all let down our perceived ways, which are usually some form of critique or condemnation, the usual banter we all go on with. When opened up to love we actually start to expand in our awareness and say the most amazingly loving things. This happen when a work college some time after it was expressed that he actually loved his work, which brought up his lack of self worth and the usual denial about what he loved, expressed he did Love his work.
And again we have the opportunity to see what happens when just one person takes the time to simply be, in their lives and how this affects others, and so the ripple effect spreads.
What I love about what you are sharing here Johanna is that we can be truly inspiring simply by allowing our natural qualities and care and love to shine through our eyes and be seen in our movements. We don’t have to do anything special or fancy or even work hard – it is all already there if we allow it. This is particularly healing for me as a man to hear as often I have fallen for the trick of thinking I had to do something to prove my worth.
I can’t help but feel how when you have deepened your connection with your own inner beauty and sensitivity Johanna, you were then able to appreciate it in men. Also, I like the point you made about how important eye contact is when speaking with someone. It really makes a huge difference and shows true care and consideration as opposed to a ‘whatever’ attitude or preoccupation with something else, which is dishonouring.
It’s true so many men in this world aren’t truly being themselves. But it doesn’t actually take a lot to look beneath the outer behaviours and appreciate their true essence and beauty. It’s up to us if we want to continue on with false pictures or get to the truth. Thank you Johanna.
Connection with each other if being a foundation in life makes life much more simple to not hold back love and to be ourselves no matter who we are with.
There are so many beautiful men who are tender and caring in nature that hide behind tough exteriors because it is not accepted in our society.
I didn’t use to like men too so much so I did not want to be a man. I was happy being an irresponsible boy. The aggression between each other and treating women as sex objects discouraged me. This was life all around me until I met Serge Benhayon the maestro of tenderness, sweetness and beholding caring love for both men and women. There were also his sons Michael and Curtis. The only men in the world who are role models of being a true man back then. Now there are more tender men including myself who have been truly inspired for how these men live.
They are not shut down or dismissive, racy, forceful or imposing; instead they are patient, open, engaging, humble, gentle and genuinely caring. These are men to admire, who definitely have qualities worth appreciating. How beautiful your description of these two men Johanna, sharing with us how men can be and what awesome role models these two men are for others.
The connection you describe Johanna sounds simple – and it is, but how many of us actually live like this? Do we open ourselves up, to give space to let others be and meet them with all of us? Or do we rush by looking to the next task? The riches we seek live in these moments where we choose to allow Love.
I have had 3 sons and one of the qualities I have always appreciated in each of them is their natural tenderness. They, together with their father, have inspired me to appreciate tenderness in all men and not misconstrue physical strength for making me less.
Even though the world is set up in expectation of men being tough and macho there are still so many beautiful men out there who have been able to retain their natural tenderness and sensitivity. These men are a joy to meet and to be around and offer to all other men a wonderful reflection as to how they too can be in this world.
It is so gorgeous to appreciate men and certainly helps to break down the myths around what it is to be a true man.
I can feel how there is an openness when we hold on to the connections and way of being with others that we have as kids and that this changes as we grow up. It is like a veil comes over that openness to protect ourselves from getting rejected or hurt.
It feels very special when you have a moment of appreciation for others instead of seeing their so-called faults and judging them. This happened to me just yesterday, where I had previously judged these two people but yesterday I could feel the sweetness from one and the openness of the other’s smile.
What came to me as I was reading this was that we all have qualities worth appreciating. In fact what you were describing is part of all of us, but its that somewhere along the line we choose not to live in that way. One of the hardest things to realise that through the way we live we can and do inspire others. We’re often not good at clocking this for ourselves. Therefore appreciating who we are, what we live and what we bring, is an essential component.
Thank you Johanna, this is a great reminder to truly meet men, no matter how hardened, protected, or shut down they may be inside there is a beautiful, loving, and sensitive essence. It’s truly a joy to know this in myself and now be able to see past whatever wall or mask there may be in another to the true person within.
It is so true Johanna, when we categorize both men and women into roles according to the rigidity of our ideals and beliefs and traditional societal expectations we can totally omit appreciating their innate qualities and thus their potential.
Yes men are so much more than the role models society expects them to be. I lived according the images as well for a long time, but discovered that living with love, tenderness, not making it about the doing but about connecting and truly caring about myself is much more better way to live.
Perhaps, just like nationality and culture, we can always find ways to distinguish ourselves way from eachother, to find reasons why we are so different like with gender, when really we are all people learning and figuring out our way through this life, so there is much in common that we have and much to be relatable with eachother.
I can remember when I was living at home with my parents possibly in my teens my father commenting on the importance of eye contact during conversations. To him it reflected an honesty. My Dad expressing this has stayed with me as at the time I understood what he meant although I was not living the eye contact he was referring to. Recently I have noticed the beauty of eye contact and this is expanding in all areas of my life. I realise it is very important for me too as I learn to be open for the real me to be seen.
I love appreciating men and find that I am only able to do so when I have truly been honouring of myself and appreciating who I am too.
When we connect to one another for the being we are and not just superficially for the doing we act out, there is a depth of beauty and tenderness in every man, woman and child that is awe inspiring and very beautifully touching.
This beautifully illustrates just how much we all are responsible for how we meet men, and each other. Are we coming from per-conceived ideas of what a man is or are we receiving who they are in essence? Are we open to feeling the natural tenderness of men, and do we allow them to feel free to express their tenderness? There is much for us to consider here as the consciousness that currently is running us, has us believing that men need to fit into a picture that does not truly reflect who they are, as their true strength is lived through their connection to who they naturally and tenderly are within.
This is a beautiful blog, Johanna. The love that you express in your appreciation of the men you describe is simply gorgeous. It will support them to be more of them whilst inspiring others to connect to their same qualities.
Hi Richard, and I can tell you you are one of those amazing men too, actually we men all are. We only have to be reminded of this fact and therefore it is so important to live it to its full extent and to let it out without any restrictions from a held ideal image or belief.
It is so important to appreciate these men you mentioned Johanna, and with that you do not only appreciate these men in particular but all men in general for the real male qualities they carry within. While expressed or held back, all men have these qualities and in appreciating them in public many more men who currently are holding back in expressing their male qualities will make them to appreciate and allow themselves to let out these too.
Very true Nico, it is easier to see another go first and see it is safe. In fact, it inspires another to go there because it feels and looks so at ease. There is a lived quality to that ease by many of the men I have met who have opened up to this way of living which inspires me to embrace my own youthfulness and deepen that relationship in myself.
Appreciation … such a simple word, and yet it holds the key for so many of us to move on and evolve.
This is beautiful Johanna and I can relate to not allowing men to get too close. It is only since I met Serge Benhayon and experienced his Presentations of the Ancient Wisdom , that I understand all are equal , that I have let down my guard more.
I have recently been reflecting on this and how few true male friends I have where I spend time with. When I was younger at school I used to have loads of male friends and really valued my relationship and connection with them. What I am feeling more lately is how, when I do not hold onto protection, just how healing friendships with men can be and how it supports me to be more tender with myself and allow love in. Friendships and relationships with men can be deeply healing. I love the appreciation you hold and share for the male friends you have in your life .. they feel very beautifull.
When we are being ourselves, who we truly are, in the deeply self-loving state that comes with this awareness, we can inspire, just by our very being, people to open up all around us, and never even know what a profound effect we are having.
This is beautiful Johanna, it is a simple truth that living in full appreciation of who we are allows us to notice and appreciate the beauty of another’s reflection.
Since knowing Serge Benhayon and his sons I have allowed myself to not be so tense around men and give my power away to them thinking they know more than me because they are men they have the degree or whatever that sets them above me.
What the men in the Benhayon family have showed me and actually the men in the student body is that they can be extremely tender, caring, funny and I adore the very deep respect they have for all women too and I feel it is their deep love and respect for women that is allowing me to feel this within myself, that I can appreciate myself for all the qualities I bring and feel I don’t have to hide them away incase they get trampled on again.
As I choose to be open to others even if I maybe feeling a little insecure, I am able to see the beauty and fragility in both men and women. Yes, often there is a hardness but if I see beyond this I see a beautiful essence in another as I feel in myself too.
“I now know what true connection feels like and I can have it with other people in my everyday activities.” We all have the ability to choose true connection with others, we can be lazy and just do ‘surface level stuff’ but in doing so, we are watering down what is possible. When we do connect, we are able to see and feel what qualities people have and live in, they are not always awful or corrupt, but we can see the beauty and love that people are and can be.
If we don’t appreciate ourselves, how can we truly appreciate another? To what depth can that level of appreciation really go?
I have felt my appreciation of men deepen hugely in recent times. It’s gorgeous to be reminded this is a reflection of the deepening of appreciation for myself too
Great to read your blog again Johanna. I am learning to appreciate myself and others more and more. It supports us in so many ways and it is a beautiful way to bring joy into our everyday when we fully appreciate ourselves, everything and everyone around us.
Gorgeous to read this, it is so important to appreciate ourselves and each other for the beauty that we all bring.
We can so often project our ideals and beliefs on another, and in this never see or meet who stands before us. If we are open to love, we allow the full sight of another’s glory to be seen.
The more appreciation that I have for myself the more I am able to appreciate all those around me. Appreciation is a huge building tool to enriching life.
Elizabeth you are the pinnacle of appreciation in my eyes. You live all that you just shared, and all are showered in this appreciation when they meet you. A true gift.
It certainly is Elizabeth, I am experiencing this too and my life has changed due to appreciating myself and others more and more. I agree appreciation is the key ingredient to nurturing ourselves, our relationships and life.
Appreciation is the registering of something of value which in turn acts as a confirmation and seems to somehow solidify it so that it can be used as a platform from which to then take another step forwards.
“They are not shut down or dismissive, racy, forceful or imposing; instead they are patient, open, engaging, humble, gentle and genuinely caring. These are men to admire, who definitely have qualities worth appreciating.” This is how every man can be if they but be open to the love that resides within. Beautiful to experience and appreciate men living who they truly are.
How ‘normal’ is this though? Men and women get confirmed that it is normal by what they see and experience around them in life. The men who don’t subscribe to that stand out because they are not being ruled by time and that is a divine reflection.
Both men and women love to be adored and appreciated. We flourish and expand when we receive confirmation of how gorgeous we are. The more we adore and appreciate ourselves this expression naturally flows out to everyone else. It is beautiful how this works.
The more we appreciate men for the tenderness that they are, the more they are willing to drop their walls and protection, and maybe even some of their lifestyle bubbles they love so much.
How we are with ourselves is definitely key to how we are with others, as if I slack off with my own self appreciation and care, it does ripple out to others and I can miss a moment of appreciation that is there to be expressed.
This is very beautiful, knowing the reignited appreciation you share here is builiding a loving way to live for all.
It is a great point that we often don’t appreciate the wonderful qualities of those around us because we don’t appreciate them in ourselves. Self appreciation is not about appreciating what we do or achieve, but about appreciating the being that we are, and all that goes with that.
It takes one to know one Johanna! We can appreciate the qualities in others that we ourselves have. To be appreciating this depth of connection means that you have it too. Very beautiful.
I appreciate men a lot and yet I don’t always express my appreciation. Thank you for this reminder to speak up and share how I feel.
Me too Elaine, it is beautiful to express our appreciation for people around us, it leaves us feeling warm and tingly, it is confirming and deeply supportive for everyone. Why hold back expressing our appreciation when it can be so magical to express it?
Taking responsibility for our own feelings around men/others shouldn’t be a big ask, but if we haven’t accounted for our own hurts regarding men or others, we can inflict those unresolved emotions onto our relationships with others, and then judge them as lesser or lacking in some way. Better to fess up about what a situation brings up for us before we dive in and blame another.
Why are we so quick to mistrust? One man or woman behaves in a way that hurts us and we write-off the whole gender as being insensitive and unloving. Why is there even a saying, ‘being sworn off men’? But it’s not just men and women, some of us are sworn off humanity too. The more we can deal with and take responsibility for our hurts, the less blame and separation happens.
Johanna, this is beautiful to read. I have noticed how much more I appreciate people now that I have started appreciating myself, I did not used to appreciate people and would instead be judgmental and be in self doubt when communicating with people and so there was no true connection. Having been inspired by Universal Medicine courses and events to connect to the true me I have found that I have developed much more confidence in myself and I can now see my qualities and beauty and now i can also see this beauty in others, it is very lovely to feel.
” I now know what true connection feels like and I can have it with other people in my everyday activities.” This is gorgeous Johanna. All true connection begins with having a true loving connection with ourselves first.
As a woman I have always been very guarded with men, this year I am working in an all male team. I have at times found it confronting when I am asked to deal with challenging situations and I am learning to not harden up or be guarded when there is little communication. I am recognising how much is communicated through the body and how much men pick up on this- I know that I need to be more open and learn to express my enjoyment of them more.
Thank you your appreciation of men, we need more appreciation of men in the world to often I hear stereotypical moans about men, this can never be honouring of the real tender guy inside.
Thanks Johanna, you’ve reminded me of some of the male friends I have that I appreciate dearly, and whom I would not know how to appreciate had I not begun to start appreciating myself. I too was always very very vary of men, and the truth is…it’s often still there, particularly with those I don’t yet know. In the meantime as I open myself, I’m able to practice with those that I trust and feel comfortable with, and it’s awesome to see them as who they are and not as just the opposite sex.