Being a single woman in this world can often be seen as if there is something wrong with you. People have looked at me like my leg has fallen off when I say I am single.
There have been comments such as:
- Why are you not married? Do you want to be?
- Why are you not with anyone? You should be!
- Do you have children yet? Do you want any?
- A beautiful girl like you is single?
- People your age are all getting married and having children.
- What’s wrong with you?
At the time these comments made me smile, as I was able to see where they were coming from … beliefs and ideals we grow up with and then believe to be our own. Though in all honesty, I realised for most of my life I had chosen to believe that there was something wrong with me when I was single.
When I was not feeling myself, as in not feeling content and lovely just being with me, I would at times go into comparison or jealousy when I saw couples in the street, or feel sad when a relationship with a partner broke down.
I would allow and believe thoughts like; what is wrong with me, why doesn’t anybody want to be with me, it’s my fault, I’m to blame, if only this or that.
With the support of Universal Medicine and its amazing practitioners I am now able to step back from these thoughts and observe what’s really going on –
That these are not my thoughts!
So where had these thoughts come from that I chose to believe were mine? They had been fed to me since childhood, throughout my teenage years, and as I grew into a beautiful woman. They also came from pictures of how life is ‘meant’ to be; in society, magazines, media, films, books, television, movies and fairy tales.
But why did I choose to accept them?
Was it easier to need to be in a relationship and be with a man than to feel my own lack of self-worth?
Was it a need for security rather than to stand tall on my own?
Was it easier than accepting the powerful and amazing woman I am – and to live this – whether I am with someone or not?
The more I have allowed myself to feel and see, the more I have come to realise just how sneaky and undermining these thoughts, ideals, pictures and beliefs can be. From childhood we grow up with stories and fairy tales of princesses finding their prince and living happily ever after, of being rescued from the arms of evil by a knight in shining armour. Even when I saw a collection of Disney stories I thought maybe there’s just one… but by way of confirmation, every single story in the book had a beautiful girl being rescued or finding her perfect prince. All bar Aladdin, which was the other way around. But it is even more than this as it carries on throughout society, the media, films, TV (think Bridget Jones and Carrie Bradshaw), or on the front covers of magazines and newspapers featuring articles about relationships, on how to find the perfect partner, or how you should look to find one.
What message is this sending out to the world?
Everything is being set up for girls to grow up into women to feel incomplete without a partner. All these stories dull down the truth and power of what it is to be a woman, whether we are in an intimate relationship or not.
Not only do all these pictures, ideals and beliefs put pressure on girls and women, they equally put pressure on boys and men.
So what was it about me that made me feel ‘that there was something wrong with me if I couldn’t find the perfect partner’? Why did I feel I needed to be with a man, why did I feel I was not enough? I realised what a huge impact these thoughts had played out in my life, and that they stemmed from a lack of self-worth.
Growing up believing to be loved and to be seen as a beautiful woman meant you had to be with someone, along with lots of other beliefs. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and attended presentations and workshops by Universal Medicine that I came to know the truth. And that is, I am love, and the love I had been looking for all along is actually inside of me.
Inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Natalie Benhayon.
By Gyl Rae, 37, Scotland
652 Comments
Holding onto any ideal can only ever hold using the old ways that we have, and in truth they have never served us. True Love is us claiming back our true self, our essences or the esoteric, so that in this level of Love there is a deep-humble-appreciative-ness of the feeling that comes with this most divine connection.
What a blessing for you and everyone that you met Serge Benhayon, and as a consequence came to know, ‘ I am love, and the love I had been looking for all along is actually inside of me.’
“‘meant’ to be;” taking on the belief that something is ‘meant to be’ a certain way is just absorbing someone else’s belief.
It is interesting that the ‘single’ state is so often viewed as a failure and something that is to be avoided at all costs when actually it can offer a great opportunity to deepen our relationship with ourselves and thus expand all our other relationships.
Very much Helen, being single offers a great opportunity to build a deeply caring, loving, and honouring relationship with self, that then becomes our foundation for all relationships.
Living our life in harmony both with ourselves and all surrounding us is our birthright, it matters not whether this is as a single person or as a couple.
We are so fed ideals about how we should be in life, our relationships, how we should be in them, we’re literally never left alone and here’s the thing we’re susceptible to all this because we leave our connection to ourselves, our inner most essence and once we do that, we are at the mercy of all those ideals out there.
“I came to know the truth. And that is, I am love, and the love I had been looking for all along is actually inside of me.” all the ideals and pictures that are fed to us are all a diversion away from the actual fact that we don’t need anything outside of us to be fulfilled, all that we ever wanted, lives within, awaiting our connection to our divine love, and in this we are complete.
I went to a presentation recently and it was discussed how some women having amazing lives yet they walk around as less because they don’t have a partner. I could relate to this, at times I can feel that I am missing something because I don’t have a partner, but the thing is when I go into this, I am then willing to drop the level of quality I hold and just accept anyone who is going to pay me attention and then when I go into relationships, it is not the quality I want and then I don’t want to be in those relationships.
Universal Medicine brings such simple and clear wisdom that enables healing on so many levels to so many people, and it continues to do so without fear, or favour.
“That these are not my thoughts! So where had these thoughts come from that I chose to believe were mine? They had been fed to me” as images that keep us from our true connection and we have all been complicit in feeding the energy that supplies these thoughts. So what “is actually inside of me” is the true essence that we can all connect to, and then we are aligning to the divine energy, which is the loving connection, we all come from.
I grew up not knowing my self-worth too. Anything that is not knowing who you are in truth has no love in it. Yes, it exposes many systems and practices. Knowing who you are and what you are capable of comes with a responsibility many avoid like I did. Being responsible is a way of life to appreciate all of who you are consistently and continuously. If you do not consistently own who you are your lack of self-worth will fester beyond belief.
Becoming single once again I’ve learnt that I don’t need another person to be whole and amazing but also being in a relationship allows me to see greater depths of how amazing I am via the reflection of another confirming my grandness or highlighting something to be felt and healed to remove it from the top of more depths of beauty.
“accepting the powerful and amazing woman I am – and to live this – whether I am with someone or not?” When we are truly ‘with ourselves’ we are never alone as we feel our connection to the Divine Love of the Universe that is equally within all.
This is great what you have shared Mary, and may I add that when we connect to the deeper level of wisdom that you are sharing the false energy and images are easily exposed.
Lovely, and so true what you share in this comment Mary, ‘When we are truly ‘with ourselves’ we are never alone as we feel our connection to the Divine Love of the Universe that is equally within all.’
Being single is such a weird concept as we are all so inter-connected that unless we build a relationship with ourselves tethering ourselves to one other in order to fulfil the picture of how we ‘should’ be living in society often comes at the expense of our relationship with ourselves which I have certainly experienced. For me being single for many years has allowed me to explore my relationship with myself and build a foundation of love that then ripples out to all my relationships.
Measuring a person’s success in life on whether they are single or in a relationship is very short sighted indeed.
We certainly do forgo living our power when we allow the measure of our worth to be defined by whether we are in a relationship or not, being loved by another. We already are love in essence, and it’s our love that defines all that we are, and so it makes sense to explore, embrace and stand in the glory of who we are first, be it single or not, before we choose to share our majesty with others. As then we then bring the opportunity to truly connect with another in true power where evolution is ignited.
And when Serge Benhayon expresses to us that we are love, it is not some platitude or truism, but the words carry the imprint of wisdom truth and a life lived in love
I wonder if deep down inside we do all actually know that there is no ‘perfect person’ for anyone, we are all just simply flawed in some way or another due to the fact that we are human. And I wonder if it is perhaps one of our greatest strengths – that despite all the imperfections, we are still able to love each other unconditionally and in full acceptance of who we all are. And I wonder if this is what is being targeted in the media, to sow the seeds of doubt so that we override these innate feelings of love and instead seek the perfection that is impossible to achieve.