Being a single woman in this world can often be seen as if there is something wrong with you. People have looked at me like my leg has fallen off when I say I am single.
There have been comments such as:
- Why are you not married? Do you want to be?
- Why are you not with anyone? You should be!
- Do you have children yet? Do you want any?
- A beautiful girl like you is single?
- People your age are all getting married and having children.
- What’s wrong with you?
At the time these comments made me smile, as I was able to see where they were coming from … beliefs and ideals we grow up with and then believe to be our own. Though in all honesty, I realised for most of my life I had chosen to believe that there was something wrong with me when I was single.
When I was not feeling myself, as in not feeling content and lovely just being with me, I would at times go into comparison or jealousy when I saw couples in the street, or feel sad when a relationship with a partner broke down.
I would allow and believe thoughts like; what is wrong with me, why doesn’t anybody want to be with me, it’s my fault, I’m to blame, if only this or that.
With the support of Universal Medicine and its amazing practitioners I am now able to step back from these thoughts and observe what’s really going on –
That these are not my thoughts!
So where had these thoughts come from that I chose to believe were mine? They had been fed to me since childhood, throughout my teenage years, and as I grew into a beautiful woman. They also came from pictures of how life is ‘meant’ to be; in society, magazines, media, films, books, television, movies and fairy tales.
But why did I choose to accept them?
Was it easier to need to be in a relationship and be with a man than to feel my own lack of self-worth?
Was it a need for security rather than to stand tall on my own?
Was it easier than accepting the powerful and amazing woman I am – and to live this – whether I am with someone or not?
The more I have allowed myself to feel and see, the more I have come to realise just how sneaky and undermining these thoughts, ideals, pictures and beliefs can be. From childhood we grow up with stories and fairy tales of princesses finding their prince and living happily ever after, of being rescued from the arms of evil by a knight in shining armour. Even when I saw a collection of Disney stories I thought maybe there’s just one… but by way of confirmation, every single story in the book had a beautiful girl being rescued or finding her perfect prince. All bar Aladdin, which was the other way around. But it is even more than this as it carries on throughout society, the media, films, TV (think Bridget Jones and Carrie Bradshaw), or on the front covers of magazines and newspapers featuring articles about relationships, on how to find the perfect partner, or how you should look to find one.
What message is this sending out to the world?
Everything is being set up for girls to grow up into women to feel incomplete without a partner. All these stories dull down the truth and power of what it is to be a woman, whether we are in an intimate relationship or not.
Not only do all these pictures, ideals and beliefs put pressure on girls and women, they equally put pressure on boys and men.
So what was it about me that made me feel ‘that there was something wrong with me if I couldn’t find the perfect partner’? Why did I feel I needed to be with a man, why did I feel I was not enough? I realised what a huge impact these thoughts had played out in my life, and that they stemmed from a lack of self-worth.
Growing up believing to be loved and to be seen as a beautiful woman meant you had to be with someone, along with lots of other beliefs. It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and attended presentations and workshops by Universal Medicine that I came to know the truth. And that is, I am love, and the love I had been looking for all along is actually inside of me.
Inspired by the presentations of Serge Benhayon, Universal Medicine and Natalie Benhayon.
By Gyl Rae, 37, Scotland
616 Comments
Great blog Gyl, and so much of this I could relate to, including the belief that if you were single something was wrong with you (& another belief that went along with this was that if you chose not to have children something was wrong with you)! It’s taken me a long time to unravel this, along with many other ideals and beliefs I’ve held about how a woman should be, but with the support of the many esoteric women’s health presentations, I’ve finally come to understand and expose many of these that have gone hand in hand with a lack of self worth. Within the past year I have been divorced and am officially single and having worked a lot on my self worth, am now able to say that the most fulfilling relationship I have is the relationship with myself!
Beautiful Angela. Having a fulfilling relationship with self is a complete game changer. My relationship with myself has improved remarkably over the last year and I now enjoy sharing myself with others instead of hiding myself away. The quality of my relationships is incredible now that I have a foundational relationship with myself now.
From your blog I can see how many ideals and beliefs are fed to women about what and how they need to be when they grow up, and hence by taking these on they miss out on growing into the amazing women they were destined to be. Many hide and live unsure of themselves. At the presentations of Universal Medicine I have met women that truly know themselves, and have strength and fragility that is like no other. Thank you Gyl! Its lovely to feel your powerful and beauty-full expression.
Even knowing these thoughts are not mine it has sometimes been difficult for me to free myself from them and thus the feeling of self worth that they bring. I feel that my giving into these thoughts can only happen if I am not connected to myself and the love that I am. I realise that having a love affair with myself actually allows me to have a love affair with everyone if I stay steady in my connection. And then why let it be just an affair? Why not let it be love plain and simple absolutely and forever?
“It wasn’t until I met Serge Benhayon and attended presentations and workshops by Universal Medicine that I came to know the truth. And that is, the love I had been looking for all along is actually inside of me.” – the truth is so simple and so empowering, it’s crazy we choose to fall for anything else. Thank you for an amazing blog Gyl.
There are so many ideals cast on women being single or not of having children or not. I am 33 and was told by a taxi driver the recently that I may be too old to have children.
Wow – at 33 …. children were not even a consideration for me at that age. When I chose to have my first child I was nearly 38, and my 2nd one was born when I was nearly 41 – and it was just a perfect age for my self and their dad too. It was a conscious decision made that that was the time in our lives that we felt right for us.
Gyl it reminds me how I always was hunting for a partner because then all was ok.
Which it finally never was because that way of getting a partner which is so filled with needs and beliefs is more to call an arrangement then a relationship. It had nothing to do with love but wanting to be accepted in the world.
These days I go for building true love with myself first and so with my partner, and I am aware for all the not true beliefs coming up while building love. We call them out and move on. It can be challenging sometimes but all worthwhile to break this consciousness which is out there around us and to make life about love again.
That is a great point you are bringing up here Sylvia, the huge difference to enter a relationship out of a need, trying to fill your emptiness or out of being full of love wanting to share that. Any relationship that is, be it a friend, a partner, a colleague, your boss, a parent or with a child.
A beautiful expose of the fairytale that fairytales actually are and the race to tick the marriage and babies box that so many women find themselves competing in.
There is so much in this blog Gyl that needs being read by the entire female population of this world! I can totally identify with what you have said, and I feel what gives fertile ground for these thoughts and images to take hold is the fact that most of us are not confirmed in who we are as young girls which leaves us feeling incomplete and sets up the lack of self-worth. I know that I have spent a lot of my life looking for a love outside of me, even after I had had various intimations and insights which were telling me otherwise – so strong was that momentum and belief and the unwillingness to take true responsibility for my life and my love. It was in many ways the easy option except it doesn’t turn out to be that in reality as all one’s lack of love is exposed within a partnership. Whether you are with a partner or not, as a woman you still have to discover and live the power and beauty of being yourself and leave behind the behaviours that reduce or water this down.
‘Whether you are with a partner or not, as a woman you still have to discover and live the power and beauty of being yourself and leave behind the behaviours that reduce or water this down.’ Thank you Josephine, this needs to be said. Some women hide behind the facade of being in a relationship and give up on themselves. I know of relationships that failed because women shaped themselves around partners, and by doing so, lost themselves and their dignity.
How many of women and men do this ” Some women hide behind the facade of being in a relationship and give up on themselves”. Why do we give up on ourselves that much to chase love out side of ourselves? Answer – There is no true reflection around us showing what true love is. Thank God for Serge Benhayon who showed me what true love was again.
And Male population Josephine! Males too can learn from what you share.
Absolutely Jane, these kind of dialogues with young girls (and boys) would open the way for a life rich in possibilities and of course constant confirmation of their being enough and the unique qualities they are bringing in just being themselves would make a massive difference too.
I absolutely get what you are expressing here Gyl…as I have experienced and felt the same judgements coming my way for choosing to be single. I have not regretted the choices that I have made to stay single and develop myself and my self-worth as I know that the next relationship that I enter will be amazing – because I now know how amazing I am and will not settle for anything less than an amazing relationship.
That’s the key Marika, How many of us start from being amazing and accepting nothing less for our-self first?! This takes discipline in working on it ourselves, instead what I used to do was take no responsibility for how I was feeling and go out drinking and drug-taking (numbing my feelings) and be a victim of my own circumstances. Most occasions I did not pick up and felt very low for days after. The quality off my pick-ups were one-night stands. I did not feel good the next day and I did not want to see the women again. Not really fun, and so many of us continue to do this. When those women finally get married when they are older, it is possible they have slept with people you know. That could be your wife – gone are the days when people actually wait.
Great blog Gyl. How true that these thoughts that there is something wrong with you if you don;t have a partner, are not your thoughts. And great that you have asked the question, ‘So where had these thoughts come from that I chose to believe were mine? They had been fed to me since childhood, throughout my teenage years, and as I grew into a beautiful woman. They also came from pictures of how life is ‘meant’ to be; in society, magazines, media, films, books, television, movies and fairy tales.’ We are surrounded by a web of stories that feed us an ideal of how to be, when all the time this divine and gorgeous love is inside us and can be expressed at any moment.
Thank you Gyl for this very insightful piece of writing that let’s us all know that there is no-thing wrong with us if we choose not to be in a relationship. However with a foundation of self-love and self-worth we CAN be open to relationships – no longer coming from a place of need, but just with the openness to share our Love with another. Keep writing Gyl.
The expectations that we place on relationships is absolutely massive, Gyl. They really take on a weight of them being everything, or defining who we are through them. What we do to ourselves in this is limit what we can be by relying on someone else to tell the world who we are. Even when we are in a relationship we can have a level of scrutiny levelled at us which slots us into a pigeon hole. The questions around are you getting married? Will you have kids? Will you be career driven? All of these questions do nothing but place a wall around what being in an intimate relationship can be.
A true relationship must start with ourselves as being the most intimate relationship we will ever have. From there we are able to accept another to share our lives with from a place which does not ask for the other to fulfil a role that we are missing from ourselves.
So true Naren, the one thing we do not get taught in our society is how to have a relationship with ourselves and therefore we do not truly know how to be in relationship with others either.
Great blog, Gyl. I’m so familiar with those questions… and very inspired by the claiming of yourself as a woman.
You make many valuable points Gyl about the way girls and women are socialised to feel incomplete without a man. The worth and true qualities of women stand alone, the illusion that we “need” men and children to be complete is totally false and very damaging, not just to ourselves but to those around us. Imagine a society where from birth a girl is honoured as powerful and sacred, is nurtured to love herself exactly as she is, and grows up knowing she needs no thing to complete her as she is enough unto herself?
Well look at you Gyl Rae, what a gorgeous vibrant woman you are, how delicious it must be to hang out with yourself, now appreciating and feeling the love that is inside.
Being single has a stigma attached to it that makes us feel less, that we are inadequate without a man, I feel we know within ourselves this is not true but we are bombarded by magazines media and the ‘happy ever after’ syndrome that you speak about in Disney films Gyl. So many children books portray this theme, no wonder we grow up thinking that happy ever after means finding your Prince or Princess. Knowing we are already the love that we have been searching for, changes our whole perception of self worth and takes away the need for someone else to give us the love we already are.
These lines are truth to the core Gyl: “Everything is being set up for girls to grow up into women to feel incomplete without a partner. All these stories dull down the truth and power of what it is to be a woman, whether we are in an intimate relationship or not.”
How very evil that which teaches a woman is not enough on her own, whether she be in a relationship with another or not. To me, this is a very deliberate maneuver to undermine the sacredness each and every female carries deep within her womb, the holding of all life.
Absolutely Liane, this is the definition of true evil, anything that stops us knowing to the core the truth of who we really are.
This is so true Liane. Not only are we set up to not feel enough without a partner, but also not enough with one! I have definitely felt this – wanting a partner to hide behind and confirm that I am not enough. Bleh. Thank fully I have learnt that I am enough just as I am and meeting a partner in this fullness is a completely different experience. It feels like a real relationship based on true love instead of need.
ah yes Liane, right to the core of the matter as always, brilliant
Your interesting comment on Gyl’s blog has inspired me to ask exactly what is the “evil that which teaches a woman is not enough on her own”? I wonder if it includes the men that don’t feel they are enough to live alone? We can all take responsibility and empower ourselves by teaching our children that women are enough and that men and women are equal.
And not to forget how many lies about women abound and have been spread for so long – like the one about having been carved out of the first man’s rib! If you want to keep someone or half the human population in this instance down and stop them from discovering who they really are and what they bring to the world and humanity, what better way than making up stories.
This is only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the untruths and lies that have been spread about woman since ancient times. A woman’s power and divinity is in her connection to her Soul and the sacredness that she brings. It is no wonder millions throughout time have tried to squash a woman and her power down.
Yes Liane, a woman living in and from her sacredness has the power to restore true harmony. Something we are surely missing. No matter our gender, when we re-connect to the truth of our purpose here we support each other and we evolve as one.
Absolutely Liane. All these stories and manoeuvres are perfectly designed to shun and reject women’s power when they are in or out of a relationship… Many women feel they are never enough, because they are trying to fit the ‘happy family’ ideal, or the ‘adventurous single lady life’ that is so glamourised by the media. All is designed to keep them looking OUT rather than at the beauty withIN.
This is so true Gyl – we are fed the false ideal of the perfect union through fairytales, books, music, movies and just about everything on offer through our culture, so that we are sent on an endless and futile quest for the ‘perfect partner’ and the most ‘perfect love’ when all along, true love is found within. True union is our willingness and ability to harmonise both the male and the female energies within our one body, no matter the external gender. It is part of our journey home, our path back to Soul, where true love resides. By balancing the duality, we arrive back at One, true androgyny, the in-breath and the out-breath of God, in perfect harmony. The external pursuit of love, that is, looking for it in another before connecting with it ourselves, as well as the preoccupation with gender at the expense of understanding what both the maleness and femaleness pertain to, is pure illusion designed to trip us up on our journey back to our hearts and the Kingdom of God inside them, For it is here, that our union with our true self, God and The All, takes place – a match made in Heaven.
I completely agree, Liane, that the focus on finding a partner can be oftentimes a distraction from marrying the maleness and femaleness within oneself that one is re connected with their androgynous Soul. When the desire for a mate comes from a lack or a need and is based upon ideal or belief it falls into the distracting category – a distraction that can, and has, lasted for lifetimes. Being single for me, as for Gyl, has been an awesome reconnecting within. Any future relationship will have me bringing this full version of me to the relationship – not the idealised version of expectation.
Amazingly expressed Liane, we are constantly looking outside for the love that we can only find within.
Beautiful Liane. When I feel really centred within my body I feel as though I am a Soul expressing. it is a balance between the maleness and femaleness ( the right and the left) . In this expression is the full connection with God, and no need for another person, only to experience the Joy of expressing God and feeling the Harmony of another person who is equally of that source.
Beautiful said Liane – precise, exquisite and with Heavenly Grace.
Hi Gyl Rae, I loved reading your blog about choosing to be single. I find the freedom of your expression so very refreshing and true – and it seems to me we have all been fed a furphy over the many years, especially post 2nd world war, when young girls, from tiny, were given dolls with feeding bottles, prams and toy stoves, and brushes and pans to ‘play’ with – just like mummy. It’s almost as though a genie of sorts has opened up the permission bottle and given young women a choice. A choice about being single was not even on the horizon that I knew of in my teens – and there were some derogatory terms and cliches aimed at young women who preferred to focus on their careers. How truly remarkable and beautiful that the choice is knowingly there for one to make – and without anybody else’s permission. I thank God and Serge Benhayon through the Ageless Wisdom Teachings and the presentations at Universal Medicine etc., as we are now remembering that it is possible to be ‘whole’ and not ‘needing’ a partner necessarily to ‘complete’ the picture.
Roberta in reading your words it highlights the truth that these ideals and beliefs can affect generations for eons. And also how the war affects many still to this day.
If all these ideals and beliefs are being used to cover up our lack of self-worth then that sets up the next generation to not value themselves as they see from all around a lack just being covered up. If we value and love ourselves as we are then equally that is shared not only to the next generation but everyone . To be able to stand tall and be comfortable with being single in a world that says ‘you should be married with kids by now’ says a lot.
Gyl, a great look into what we subconsciously are led to believe and even feel. The insidious way in which these thoughts permeate our way of living is truly quite scary. Understanding and knowing that we are enough in ourselves is the greatest truth we could ever be taught. Until that time when this is the norm we will be breeding generations more people who look outside of themselves for love which they already have within.
Great blog, Gyl. It is so interesting to consider the beliefs and ideals we take on due to a lack of self worth, and how endemic it is. Our feelings of worthlessness influence our thoughts and behaviour to the extent that it can disconnect us from the love we naturally are, and give us a false perception of ourselves. As you have pointed out, there is so much to cherish about the unique qualities we bring to the world, and we do not need anyone or anything to make us feel worthy of expressing this in full.
Absolutely Janet. It is important to appreciate our worth, our true quality and all that we are in every moment of everyday.
Great point Janet and to me it does come down to lack of self worth. As I worked on my self worth those beliefs I needed a partner just slipped away. I din’t do anything other than start loving and appreciating myself more. That is the underlying factor behind why we take on such beliefs. It is the same for both the single person and the person making the comments suggesting you will be ok when you have a partner. Lack of self worth is behind all.
Having a partner doesn’t make any difference concerning selfworth, yet it can be used as a distraction to not truly feel the lack of one’ s selfworth.
Yes Kerstin, only we are able to change our level of self worth, no partner can do this for us, no amount of compliments or successes. It has to come from our own feelings that we are of value and worth caring about.
Well said Janet, we are already enough just the way we are, when we can accept that, life becomes a lot easier.
I agree Janet, I changed myself many times in relationships as it made others feel uncomfortable, and in truth still do at times. Instead of saying no this is me and this is all I bring. Not only can we do this in partner relationships, but with friends, family and work colleagues too. It’s actually an arrogant game to play, in toning ourselves and our divine qualities down – why would any other person on this planet not deserve the equal fullness of our expression and love? And who are we to say no you can only get this much and you can have more? This is just keeping the idea of separatism alive, rather than the truth we are all exactly one and the same.
At the same time of making others feel uncomfortable I was also avoiding the responsibility of being love and acting on the truth.
Fairy Tales are not true so why do we pursue such beliefs and ideals? Great to live in the reality of yourself and what your essence is. Being single is not a crime. Sharing and growing with a partner is a whole lot easier when we are with the truth of the skin we are in! Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine are certainly great support for singles and couples alike.
Thank you Gyl, big thank you from another gorgeous, beautiful and amazing single woman.
Beautiful expression of appreciation here Mariette – I can only say the same, thank you Gyl, awesome and beautifully written blog by an amazing woman.
Gyl, I love that single women are speaking honestly and openly about their experiences. ’for most of my life I had chosen to believe that there was something wrong with me when I was single’. Many women, including myself, will relate to this and many thankfully no longer feel this way. These questions have been asked of me in the past and still are! If these myths about being a woman and single are to be smashed, we have a responsibility to hold the hammer that wields gently to question and challenge. Recently, I met someone I hadn’t seen for a long time, he asked ‘Is there a Mr J…?’ When I answered ‘No’, does there have to be?’ He replied ‘What a waste!.’ Inspired by your blog, I wielded my hammer gently in writing and expressed how I felt about the question and statement. It is intrusive, I said, to ask a person (man or woman) if they are in a relationship; and to suggest that being single is a ‘waste’ shows a lack of appreciation of how some single women, like myself see themselves. No man or woman should be considered less because they are not in a relationship. Being single is often a choice, and many single women, like myself, feel complete, loved and beautiful, just the way they are. This is not to say we do not love men, we do, but love ourselves equally so..
Love what you have written Kehinde, and particularly the last line in which I feel the real power of a woman who has connected with herself and is free to choose. ‘This is not to say we do not love men, we do, but love ourselves equally so..’
Thank you, Gyl for writing this – many women choose to be single after leaving long term relationships and it is interesting to ponder on our self-worth and how it is possible to feel very lonely in a relationship and experience great joy in a single life. It is not a partner we need but true connection with ourselves, then we can experience joy in all our relationships.
Absolutely agree, Carmel, I have now been widowed for 11 years so have been living a single life for those years. For the past 9 years now, I have been attending presentations by Serge Benhayon with Universal Medicine. In that time I have learned so much about my true self, I am so appreciative of the fact that I have been able to concentrate on that, with no distraction. It is a period that I have treasured, and can relate totally to what you say “It is not a partner we need but true connection with ourselves, then we can experience joy in all our relationships”. I have experienced much joy within the past few years, and love to share that in all my relationships.
Well said Carmen – true connection to self first and then expanding this to all relationships with all people.
Spot on Carmel – it can take such a long time time to discover a true connection with ourselves but it is so worth it – the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow!
Beautiful Carmel, ‘It is not a partner we need but true connection with ourselves, then we can experience joy in all our relationships.’
So true Carmel. Ending a long term relationship was fraught with terror for me at first but my life as a single woman has allowed me to really develop a much more loving relationship with myself that I bring into all my relationships.
One of the challenges in leaving long terms relationships, is to let go of any previous experiences and not taint any new friendships with expectations of the same behaviour happening again – we have changed therefore any new relationships will reflect that change. As we become more loving with ourselves, so we are opening up to being more loving with others and receiving the same loving attention back.
Absolutely Carmel. Let us value and appreciate ourselves deeply and connect to all that we are and live this.
Beautiful Gyl to find the love you were looking for was inside you all along . This is the greatest gift we can know and have for ourselves first and from this feel this love for everyone. A very real presentation of the world and the ideals and beliefs we can all take on that are not ours but come in and undermine everything we are ,sneakily and unlovingly which can keep us searching and empty. The truth is presented by Serge Benahyon his family and Universal Medicine and this is offering the missing link to our very knowing , our health and well being in every walk of life and society and uncovers the lies we have been fed. Thank you Gyl this is so great to read and so helpful for so many to enjoy the love they naturally are and is the basis of all relationships .
True Tricia, ‘to find the love you were looking for was inside you all along ‘ This is the essence. When we find love inside ourselves, we find that love is everywhere, and no longer seek it, but live it.
“I realised for most of my life I had chosen to believe that there was something wrong with me when I was single.” Gyl, I can relate to this too… in fact, probably most women have experienced this feeling and can relate to what you share. It was only until I too heard the presentations of Serge Benhayon that I realised the love I was seeking was inside me…all I had to do was to connect to it. Being single has been a gift, one that had allowed me to get a deep knowing of myself and to be without need for others to prop me up.
Yes Rachel me too – to be in full acceptance of what is ( like being single) and really really getting to know my self first, and learning to love and appreciate my self. Gone the NEED for someone else, now just confirming and consolidating what I know myself to be and shining this out into the world too.
I agree Rachel that being single has been a gift for me and allowed me to build a true relationship with myself and then expand this out to others. In the past I have been so distracted by being in a relationship (and often welcomed this distraction) and focussed all my attention on my partner and chosen to neglect my relationship with myself, this is now unfolding and blossoming and feels divine.
Yes Rachel I too had always felt like something was wrong with me because I wasn’t in a relationship. Now I see that I really needed to honour my own relationship with myself and cherish the love I hold within. This has had a flow on effect in all relationships in my life and has opened me up to a whole new world of connections.
Yes great article Gyl. Growing up I had those same ideals and beliefs and my self worth was very low.
I now stand tall claiming myself more and realise how lovely it is to be single knowing I am enough whether I am single or in a relationship. It’s great to be me and living in a true way at this time
That is a great article Gyl, I was single most of my life until now and people questioned me and went through the same list as you did. I used to jump into relationships without taking time to know my future partner as I was so looking for emotional relief. Eventually, I started to feel good about myself and like you I was introduced to what I was actually searching for with the support of Serge Benhayon, and it was already inside me.
A great blog Gyl exposing there is a definitely a consciousness in place that is manipulative and controlling through ideals and beliefs that foster lack of self worth in women – and this is accepted as the ‘normal way to be.
“Everything is being set up for girls to grow up into women to feel incomplete without a partner. All these stories dull down the truth and power of what it is to be a woman, whether we are in an intimate relationship or not”.
There absolutely is a consciousness that is in place that is very manipulative – we are fed from such a young age these ideals and beliefs and they do foster lack of self worth in women. We do have the responsibility for ourselves to not continue to feed that, but the consciousness is so thick, so ingrained that it does take seeing and feeling the refection of another, women who just have a connection with themselves that is so honouring and so loving, to begin to break through that thick consciousness.
Wow, Gyl it was a joy to read your blog and to feel the completeness of you – you stand so tall as your beauty shines out from every cell of your body. You truly are an inspiring woman and your blog confirms this. It is the most amazing feeling when as a woman we can feel complete without any need to be anything other than to be ourselves in our essence. When I read this I could feel the beauty of allowing myself the grace to really connect with my essence and to know me more intimately.
This is a great article Gyl and is very much needed, I agree we are bombarded as girls growing up that life is about meeting mr.right and settling down and having children and living happily ever after and that if we do not find mr.right we have somehow failed, this is awful and is why it is common to be in relationships for the sake of being in a relationship rather than it being about true love. Your article is very inspiring Gyl, you are a true role model for girls and woman.
It is so time to expose all these ideas and beliefs, otherwise we are sitting in our own prison – wondering, why the world looks so bad and waiting for the prince to rescue us. For me it was so healing to understand, that everything what I need is within me, no need to look for something outside of me. That is just wonderful.
Most will have spent a large part of our life falling in and out of love. Is it not like having a nice warm bath? When you’re in the tub its warm and surrounds you but when you get out you are naked, exposed and cold. This is all brought to you by what the world has conditioned us to believe is what we need to be whole… We only became less when we forget that we are and will always be complete and not broken. When we claim the love we are… we will never be naked, exposed or left out in the cold.
It is also great to recognise that the warm bath can sometimes be about comfort and not what we actually need. Hiding in a cosy relationship that keeps us warm may feel great but it does not necessarily mean there is evolution in it. Claiming the love we are applies to both being in a relationship and being single.
Looking back on my childhood and continuing into adulthood as you share there is so much outside pressure to get a ‘good’ job, save for and create a new home, get married, have children, then ‘live happily forever after’. So much pressure to become and follow the age old trend of tradition something that, is perceived to be the right thing – BUT for whom! In your words Gyl “The love I had been looking for all along is actually inside of me” this so takes away any need to be something other than the amazing love that we truly are. Whether married or not. Beautiful sharing Gyl thank you.
Hi Gyl,
A much needed topic of discussion you present here.
There is certainly a wealth of stories, fables, movies, news articles about what a successful relationship looks like, what love is and how we know if we have ‘made it.’ From some of the first stories we hear to the movies we watch as teenagers there always seems to be an end result of passionate romance. People being incomplete without the other. I love ‘love’ – I always have done – But I too felt very much the victim and that something was wrong with me in never having or finding my ‘other half’ – if out a lot of pressure on me and on men to fill the picture I had in my head. And of course this isn’t just me – this happened to most of my friends who were also raised by the ideal of what they thought love was. But what happens if we stop thinking about love and start feeling? What happens if we consider self love, what happens if we say perhaps this lonely pining, expectational love isn’t true? Universal Medicine has given me the support to stand on my own two feet and do that – and start to feel what love is – a forever holding, an equality, a self-love, an honesty. Now I can say I am in love, and I am surrounded by so much love too – of people who equally know the true meaning and live it.
Gyl thank you for this blog. It is so common for women to feel incomplete without a partner. I remember feeling exactly the same way when I was single. We buy into the picture we have been fed from every angle since we were very young. Even with a partner however that incomplete feeling resurfaces. As you say ‘the love I had been looking for all along is actually inside of me.’ When I started to connect with that, everything changed.
It’s also a comfort thing – easier to sell out to beliefs that stand up and be more.
If we have been holding ourselves less, back and disempowered then to choose otherwise exposes how this choice has always been there to make and could have just as easily been taken long ago.
Wow, well said Gyl. Easier to stay in comfort and sell out to the pictures than stand in our power. Truth is incredible to feel and see.
So true Gyl, what better way to hide then to seek comfort to make us feel ok about doing so.
It might be a necessary experience to realize that relationship is not able to fill the inner lack so that we can finally learn to expose the beliefs and illusions for what they are. They way we feel as single or in a relationship simply depends on the relationship we have with ourselves, everything that plays out in relationships comes from there.
I have always wondered where people got the audacity to ask questions like Why are you not married? Do you want to be? and all the others you have mentioned, unless it its someone very close and it is in the context of what you have been talking about. I just think those sort of questions are rude and none of anyones business. Its great that through Universal Medicine we have learnt to kick such ideals and beliefs right out of the park.
I don’t mind them Kevin, as it allows an opportunity to express the truth which otherwise may never be heard.
To further on from this, many of us would never have known the truth had Serge Benhayon not chosen to live and express the Truth. Therefor, if it was not for Serge Benhayon reflecting to us to see there is another way, would we not still be asking the same things or if not, at least thinking them?
Absolutely Gyl – Thank God for Serge Benhayon leading the way and reigniting the Truth in us all.
Great point Gyl. There are many things people ask or think to themselves that carry judgement and make others wrong that many now know the truth of thanks to Serge Benhayon, this has supported me to trust my own inner knowing at times too. Some things I knew the truth of before I heard them confirmed with authority by Serge Benhayon, some of these truths I did not sway on but I resented and felt hurt that others did not see it similarly, whereas now I feel supported to understand the forces of ideals, beliefs and influences such as the media that fuel such questions.
I have come to learn and am learning that judgement is an avoidance of responsibility.
I love that Gyl – how awesome to be able to allow others to express however they please knowing that you can do the same from a place of truth and openess. Beautiful.
A very loving response Gyl, and true, without Serge Benhayon showing another way my thinking would still be going along in familiar grooves. It’s interesting that the default point does seem to be you’re better off with a partner than being single, which is mad really when you consider the state of most intimate relationships and how few are actually founded on Love. Also the questions assume that you haven’t actually made a choice to be single rather you are a victim of circumstance. Great that these assumptions are being challenged and that through this over time the whole way we hold intimate partnerships and whether we are in one or not will be redefined.
Perhaps such a question also displays a level of insecurity within the questioner, the need for conformity to a way of living. Success being measured by whether we are coupled is a rather hollow expression of success.
Hey Kevin, It just exposes what Gyl is talking about how we all of have pictures that we need to be true, and yes it is then imposed onto others. We need to take a leaf out of the Vietnamese people “Live and Let Live”. Through our own inspiration on what we know is true and living that is all that is needed. No need to preach or ask of another what we want — expressing my own truth and what my deep feelings offer has been the most rewarding experience I could of ever asked for.
Beautiful Rick
Sometimes these questions come loaded with the person’s own stuff. They need to criticise another’s choices rather than feel the jealousy they are in, as at times a single woman exposes their own choice to be in a relationship that has stemmed from a need not a truth, and they are now aware of this but feel stuck and regretting their marriage. We need to read what is really going on behind many of these comments.
Absolutely Mary-Louise. These questions come from insecurity or the other person needing confirmation from outside themselves that what they’ve chosen is ‘right’. Being single and showing the world that not only is this ok, but that you are shining and loving life is very confronting for people and it does bring out jealousy in others.
Yes I agree Mary-Louise always need to read every situation as it is. Sometimes it is absolutely the true thing for a person to be single and sometimes it is not. Equally for some people it is very supportive to eat beef and for some it is not. It is not natural for us all to have the same body size and shape. We can’t say you should never ask someone why they are single because that could be valid question in an intimate non imposing situation. Clearly there are huge ideals and beliefs and impositions around all this single or not stuff and so we don’t want to go the other way and make it some sort of politically incorrect thing to state the obvious or ask a simple question. As you say it all comes down to energy and the intention. Of course the other thing is that NONE of us are single as we are all one but that is a whole other story
Great point Mary-Louise, often these questions do come loaded with all that. It is such a gift we have given ourselves to now being able to choose to be more aware and not react to these questions, as these questions often are their reaction to what they feel exposed by the fact that another person has made a true choice for themselves; the choice to live and deepen their own self love, instead of hiding in an ‘arrangement’ because of a lack of self worth, and maybe thinking that we are not worthy of love. This is another lie we feed ourselves to keep the lack going. How awesome we can now choose to live the love we all already are within! Thank God for Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine to bring this knowing and understanding back to us, as they have for me.
Mary-Louise that is a really great point to raise. Interestingly I get asked often if I am married. Sometimes it feels like a genuine question of interest, but other times there feels like there is more to the question than is being asked. As you say it’s important to read what is going on behind what is being asked. It’s the same with being asked if you have children. I do not and I can get sympathy and jealousy as well as just a curiosity. My responsibility is in my response and observing if it’s bringing any reaction up for me.
Oh yes Gyl, I was single for a long time as well and the comments I got were very similar to yours. Especially the one “A beautiful girl like you is single?” and then the following comment: ‘You will find someone soon’. It all indeed suggests that I was not enough as a single woman and that to be rewarded or confirmed in being a beautiful woman I would have to get a boyfriend soon. I love your question “But why did I choose to accept them?” this relates so much to me because I did feel flattered by these comments but actually if I would have felt my complete self-worth it wouldn’t have mattered so much. I am now in a relationship and I can say it is still the same, as in I still have to feel my own self-worth as no one can ever do that for you.
Yes, it’s so interesting that we are seen as more when we are in a relationship, and less if we are not. How can a relationship make us more, if we do not bring the all that we are to begin with?
I know … this suggests that we are lacking something in being on our own and just being ourselves. No wonder, if we take this on, we can feel unworthy and less. However being and bringing all the Love that we are to ourselves and everyone else leaves us feeling very whole and full. It’s well recommended.
Well said Shevon. I know I’ve took this on for much of my life to confirm my lack of self-worth. But it’s not the truth and it’s wonderful to feel this isn’t the truth. Though I am working on the more subtle areas where this can creep in – like I’m missing out when it’s just me. But here again all I’m feeling is the lack of intimacy I allow with myself and the wonderful about this is it’s my choice, no-one can inhibit this connection I have with myself so I can never be a victim of circumstance.
Absolutely Karin – spot on. It is all a choice as to which energy lives us. An energy of Love that connects us to God and to our True source which forever nourishes us or or an alignment to all that is false, depletes us and never lasts.
This is such a great conversation. After spending most of my life in relationships, and now finding myself in a time when I am single, it has revealed so much about the lack of self worth I have been living and also how much I looked to my partner/s to fill this. I agree that it is easy to get caught up in the different pictures. Everywhere I go I see people in relationship really celebrated, I would go as far to say even envied. I know I have done this myself. Seeing ‘being in relationship’ as meaning you have made the grade, or you must be better or more worthy, it is crazy, but for me it has revealed my lack of connection to my own full worth and also the true meaning of love. So I am grateful for this time on my own and the opportunity to develop a stronger sense of myself.
There is a dichotomy going on inside me, on the one hand I have this yearning for the ‘perfect partner’ and on the other hand I know that true love comes from within and I once I connect to this I will have all the love that I ever wanted. I am single, so I am choosing to spend this time, like you Anna, on building a strong foundation of love with myself, and gradually letting go of the need for a relationship as I know this ‘need’ just comes from unresolved hurts and a lack of connection with myself, and if a relationship does come along then I know that I would not be imposing these needs on anyone else, I would just be taking all of me into that relationship. All this means is that I can choose to love myself more and more, and then I will be love, and then I can naturally share this love in all my relationships.
Well said Shevon, and I feel many people believe in the old ideal that we are more if we are in a partner relationship. But I see also many who for this reason allow themselves to live in an arrangement; a way of living in a partnership that is not truly built on loving each other, but on completing the picture and avoiding being single. I used to live in arrangements, and I am becoming much more myself now, as I clearly say ‘no’ to an arrangement. If the relationship is not about sharing love, it’s not for me.
This is so true, and it doesn’t seem to stop no matter what age you are. I have spoken to many people about these outside pressure and am yet to come across anyone who actually enjoys these passing comments. So why do we continue this kind of small talk?
So true Abby and Jane. It is a conversation that begins early – children already believing they are not enough and seeking confirmation from the outside if not playing their way into one of many expected roles within society. We develop ourselves into one of many stereotypical pictures on offer.
Why continue to talk small when we are grand beyond measure and the True conversation is infinitely expansive?
Well said Kylie – How can we be more than we are or even less for that matter.
ha ha love it Abby – truth so often makes me laugh. It exposes the absolute absurdity of the illusion!
Yep awesome Abby. How can we be anything other than what we are…gosh we do a good job at twisting and complicating things!
Too true Abby.
And if we believe that we need another to make us more, we have to make ourselves less to make room for the more to begin with!!!
This is classic Kylie and Abby, because a lot of us can relate so easily to it. As you both so playfully have shared that it really makes no sense what so ever and how exhausting this is for us all to be running around and chasing our own tails trying to get what we think we need when in fact it is all there just waiting to be connected to and embraced. Knowing and then accepting that we are already Everything that we ever need is a great place to come to. Then every relationship is going to be beautiful.
Absolutely well said – how is it possible to be greater or lesser than a whole ‘me’. How can a sphere be less than a sphere?
Very well said Kylie ‘How can a relationship make us more, if we do not bring the all that we are to begin with?’
I know now that the greatest relationship is first the one I have with myself and how I look after me. We are not taught this however we are taught to look for love first outside of ourselves and not within! If we truly love ourselves first the rest constellates knowing ALL our relationships are important … not just the one with our partner.
“If we truly love ourselves first the rest constellates knowing ALL our relationships are important … not just the one with our partner”… brilliant Vicky Cooke, you are so right here. It is just letting go of what we are taught from a very young age, that we are not complete without a partner and wanting something from someone else that we are not prepared to connect to within ourselves. All relationships are important, and yes, especially the one with ourselves first.
It is actually very good to live by your own and learn who you truly are. For what you may need another person and if you like yourself. The more you know about yourself the more you bring in a relationship. Then you do not complete yourself with another person (which makes you feel always less) but you expand in your relationship.
“The more you know about yourself the more you bring in a relationship” – YES and a complete fact of truth Sonja Ebbinghaus….relationships are about evolving and evolving together (in love).
Absolutely agree, relationships are only about evolving together and never about filling an emptiness or need to be with someone. We grow up with the ideal of romantic love which is a social construct and only creates harm in women and men as the perfect matching prince or princess does not bring fulfillment to life. It is the relationship with ourselves that has to be developed first and from there we can share a space and be love, always dedicated to evolution.
I agree Kylie, I have received comments from work colleagues in the past excited about the potential of me having a boyfriend if I’ve ever gone on a date…..as if this would now qualify me as part of a group, doing life, and being one of them (partnered people). Having a partner for so many of us is the ultimate non-negotiable destination, however in truth this non-negotiable destination is self-relationship first. What happens thereafter is true partnership or love.
This is such a great question Kylie. For a true realtionship to flourish we have to take all that we are into it right from the word go, other wise we bring expectations and conditions that we then project onto our partner. There is no firm foundation on which to build and as a consequence it will wobble and shake, until it tumbles down.
Ditto Lieke and Gyl – I have received many comments like this over my single life. What is really interesting is your comment Lieke, that we have to feel our own self-worth first as no-one can ever do that for you. That is gold and so true – I realised for many years that I was outsourcing love and my own self-worth. I was not prepared to bring it to myself so I look to partners, friends, family, work colleagues – anyone really – who would bring it to me. What an awesome discovery that I can actually bring it to myself – or even better -that I am actually LOVE already. I just have to allow it out. Giddy up I say!
I love how you say this “I realised for many years that I was outsourcing love and my own self-worth” – that line is gold. It’s so true for many of us that we “outsourced” love…seeking it outside of ourselves when all along it was, and is right under our noses.
What a trick we have played on ourselves – searching for what can never be found outside of ourselves nor supplied by another. We have had the answer’ Love’ with us the whole time, only not chosen to connect to the fact nor let it out.
Love it Sarah…outsourcing love and self-worth…just as in outsourcing in the business world, it is never quite the same quality and care as doing it for ones self.
I too am in the process of tearing up all contracts with anyone else, be they friends, patients, parents, colleagues, the person I walk past on the street. The only source I now sign up with… is me.
Beautiful Rachel and yes, love the ‘outsourcing’ term. It’s exactly what we do. We build our entire life around it actually, with strategies about how and where from next, a constant re-fuelling, always on the hunt for another hit, as this source is never building on itself and is never truly fulfilling. Like you Rachel, I am also tearing up all past contracts that I have used to try to mimic the one and only true contract. The source of my own love and my connection to God it where it’s at. I need strategise no longer nor look no further:))
I agree Sara, beautifully expressed, and no to ‘outsourcing’ for me too.
How very relatable Rachel Mascord love what you say about outsourcing — absolutely it never is quite the same as when you do something yourself (in-source). Like everything in life learning to do it yourself – to be yourself, as opposed contracting another to do it for you, is never going to truly work. Maybe for the short term, but after time the cracks begin to appear and all is seen for what it is.
Going direct to the True Source – Love it Rachel.
I love this Sarah, to bring only love to ourselves and not need it from others. I am learning this daily.
This little paragraph is packed full of wisdom and holds the nuggets for a love filled and gorgeous life! I can totally relate to what you say about “outsourcing” love and only really feel that I am beginning to get what self love without compromise really means!
Self love, without compromise! An incredible process of constant exploration.
I agree Sarah. How often are we sold as part of the picture of having that perfect partner the fact that our lack of self-worth will be fixed too. It is impossible as they cannot heal a hurt we choose to have which is in truth with ourselves not with anything else!
Giddy up indeed Sarah, my horse has been a little slow out of the gates, but no I realise there is no race afoot, just a steady ride in this most intimate of all relationships that I am committed to till my last breath – me.
So true Lieke, if we are expecting someone else to make us feel our self-worth then we are allowing major issues and emotional attachments to enter into any relationship we may have. At the end of the day we have to personally take responsibility for why we feel this way. The way we are with another is in the end the way we are with ourselves yet it has for so long been sold the other way to us.
Love this Joshua, ‘the way we are with ourselves is the way we are with another’ – very true, we can only offer another what we are offering ourselves.
This is very important for us to realise. How can we be greater than how we hold ourselves or be less than the love we live?
Absolutely Joshua, ‘The way we are with another is in the end the way we are with ourselves’, how important is it to build that relationship of love with ourselves first.
The weight of self worth is a huge load to dump on a partner and can be a massive strain on a relationship. As you said Lieke, no one else can feel your self worth. We are each responsible for our own self worth and when we take responsibility for it it gives the relationship a lot more space.
With true self-worth and no need to look for its confirmation from another or others we have a lot more freedom in our choices and whether to be in a relationship or single – with true self-worth and a deep sense of connection to who we are there is also no need to feed off others and weigh up their utterances for any hint of rejection or criticism, it is just what it is.
Very powerful Gabriele. I love what you share here.
Love what you share Gabriele : “…with true self-worth and a deep sense of connection to who we are there is also no need to feed off others” – the one thing most people say they want in a relationship or complain they don’t get enough or any of, is FREEDOM – that freedom is called SELF-WORTH, and it is personal status-less.
And there is an ongoing refining process of deepening our acceptance and appreciation of ourselves. If we are at ease with ourselves and with life, it will be an instant fracture to such harmony to seek outside for others to tell us who we are or to validate us for how can another know us better than we know ourselves?
Having a lack of self worth and then seeking something in another equals an ongoing dance with hurts and insecurities. Exhausting and not real.
But when we choose to be responsible for ourselves and develop our own self worth… then SELF WORTH PLUS Self WORTH equals a FULL relationship that can deepen and evolve.
So true Kathryn. So clear how you have expressed this.
This is so true Nikki. If we take all that lack of self worth into a relationship it is exactly that. A dumping on the other person. So if we begin a relationship in this way, it is very likely that it won’t last as we then have huge expectations of the other to fulfil our needs as we are not able to fill them ourselves. But on the other hand, if we learn to take responsibility for ourselves and in doing so learn to love who we are, and take that into a relationship, we begin with a firm foundation from which both people can grow equally. So different to what we have been lead to believe.
Beautifully said Nikki and a partner who has any self-worth will not receive that load which means it gets returned to sender who may well magnify, misinterpret and reinterpret it into something else that they can blame on their partner. This is one of the things that can turn relationships into relationshits!
What a beautiful discussion here, Nikki, Sarah, Joshua, Sandra and so on; it’s our duty and our job to confirm our own self-worth and not need another person to bring that to us. Only when we truly accept ourselves for the amazingness we already are, can we live this, and then bring that to each other, where we just confirm, yes, I am that too!
I highly agree Nikki, and it is this place that cultivates our ability to truly be ourselves, express freely, move freely, and have fun within the relationship.
I love the point you make here, Lieke. We are responsible for our own self-worth whether we are in a relationship or not.
I can absolutely relate to feeling flattered when people say things along the lines of “I cannot believe you are single”. I can feel this is because I still buy into the belief that being in a relationship is an indicator that I am worth something. Thank you for your honesty Lieke, now that I can see how false this is I am beginning to connect to the truth that I am enough on my own.
This is true Leonne. The more we consider this the more it exposes where comments like this come from. It is such a strong belief in society, to have a partner, children, a house, all that. If you have this, you’re a success, if not, you’re less, or worse, you have failed. As a single woman I am being really tested with this all of the time, and if I stop valuing me for a moment, there is something there telling me I am less, as I am without the picture.
Hi Lieke, I am a single man age 65 and have been single for ten years. My ideals and beliefs based on so much of life on our planet are that we are not complete alone. We come in pairs, two people one female one male in family groups with our children. There are many variations from monogamy to coming together only to reproduce and all variations are found in nature and in humanity. The one and only compulsory requirement for a successful species is to reproduce.
No one can feed and give us self worth, we have to re-learn it for ourselves.
I feel that this is the best process ever, for women and men the same, to establish
this self worth, just like installing a new software into our computer.
It takes many steps to undo the patterns; to fall back, to feel it in our bodies how it is when we give ourselves
away in a relationship. It is so much worth the journey back to truth and the love that we are.
A great point to make Lieke. No one tells you that after you start a relationship or get married that there is work to be done on yourself. If we did I don’t think so many relationships would begin in such high hopes and then end in such recriminations and bitterness – each party blaming the other for the breakdown. No matter who we are with or without we still wake up each morning with ourselves and if there is tension there then that will translate to everyone we come into contact with.
A very good point Michelle, if there is inner tension then that is the relationship that gets reflected outward no matter who we are with. There is work to be done until there is not – and perhaps that is never!
That there is work to be done can appear daunting, but we need to be aware and commit to that it is actually all about forever increasing the love with ourselves and others. Then the work has a purpose that exceeds the effort by far.
I love that Jane: “the person who most rocked my world is me”. I rock my world and my acceptance of me is all I ever wanted.
I love this too Leike, it’s brilliance Jane when we get back to this. ‘Reconnecting to me was the biggest romance I had had in a very long time.’ What if we were taught this in schools and these were the front page stories on magazines or Cinderella chose an early night and an exquisite loving hot bath instead of going to the ball and the next day she was wowed by all who met her? Being in love with me is ever growing and evolving and brings me a growing joy so I don’t need to go looking for it and can simply share it with those I meet.
Lieke your last line ‘I still have to feel my own self-worth as no one can ever do that for you’ really struck a chord with me because I have been in a relationship for 25 years and it has been a misconception of all of my single friends over the years that my partner somehow makes me complete. Interestingly even though I point out that during the time that I have been with my partner I have also had chronic anxiety and also problems with rage and that it has been only I that has been able to remedy those things my words feel on deaf ears. So ingrained is the myth that a partner is the antidote to everything. It’s similar to the myth that a baby is also the antidote to everything when in truth a baby can fill a need but not truly heal a hurt.
Absolutely Lieke, our sense of self worth has to come from within, love how you shared this above as no one can ever make us feel true self worth.
I love it – ” I rock my world” –- t -shirt on it’s way.
“to know the truth. And that is, the love I had been looking for all along is actually inside of me” It is passing strange that we should think any other way – the world and universe that we live in are so perfectly designed, why would we not assume that this perfect design brings us into the world with an essence that reflects the glory and divinity that is all around. It is only when we allow our heads to get all messed up with the thousands of years of false ideals and beliefs that we grow up with that it all becomes so wrong, the antithesis of that inner glory we all carry within us from the day we are born.
You have a very good point Simon, how could it be that we are the only things in the universe not made with the amazing perfection of all other things? How can we consider that we will find what we supposedly lack in someone else? Is it that in fact, we are already everything we need, and when we connect to that, we find the same in everyone else?
Very well said Rebecca, absolute truth yet again.
Humanity needs more reflections like you Rebecca and Gyl, to show them that there is another way, and it IS in fact true that the love inside of us can be re-ignited and lived so that there is never any NEED for another, and that we are able to feel the equality in that which allows for us all the feel the love in another also.
May I also add that there is nothing more alluring that a self-assured, beautiful, sexy woman, a woman who has ignited that spark of love within herself, who can resist?
Well said Rebecca – it all comes back to simple basics – connect and live.
Well said Rebecca, it is the fact that we have lost sight of the amazingness of ourselves that makes us look for it outside of ourselves and makes us willing to compromise to what is not love. It has helped me a lot to use the awesomeness I first recognised in others to start to see who I am.
So perfectly expressed Rebecca! How small do we make our understanding of the world and the universe when beliefs are inflicted on us? More and more I can feel how beliefs are constructed like a fortress to hide behind and when they are collectively held, they are then justified astrue and right! We are all so, so much more than this as you have so beautifully reminded us! Thank you.
Simon, I absolutely love how you say that: “It is passing strange that we should think any other way – the world and universe that we live in are so perfectly designed, why would we not assume that this perfect design brings us into the world with an essence that reflects the glory and divinity that is all around. It is only when we allow our heads to get all messed up with the thousands of years of false ideals and beliefs that we grow up with that it all becomes so wrong.” We are complete on our own, We are not each half of something, and need to find the other half.
It’s interesting that in all of our amazingness, we choose to find something ‘wrong’ by believing that we need another in order to be al’right’ and we don’t feel this, think that we simply haven’t found Mr or Mrs ‘right’ and keep searching. It is obviously a set up to keep us continually looking outward and never inward where our ultimate relationship begins – with ourselves.
Beautifully said Kylie. It’s wonderful to see the set for what it is, a way to keep us away from our true light, because then we can stop chasing what’s not true or loving.
I completely agree – it is the lie of ‘perfectionism’ and ‘happily ever after’ – all of it an outer polish, exterior and facade that masks the true glory within.
The fairy-tale search for the knight in shining armour that never arrives is perfectly designed to keep us away from our own shining heart,
True -keep us in the perpetual fantasy and search for something that will never be obtained for it is a false mirage and great distraction from committing to life and accepting the truth that is showing itself to us each moment.
yes that ‘happily ever after tale’, messes with men and women alike, it makes people fit into an unrealistic box of the ideal man or woman and set up someone else as the saviour -eg: both are ‘completed’ by the other, rather than two complete wholes coming together.
This is a significant point you make Joel, how can we have intimate relationships with others if we are not prepared to have an intimate relationship with ourselves first. I am yet to experience a relationship with a partner like this but I know that this is the only relationship that I want to have in my life. A True, Honest and Honouring relationship that comes from having this with yourself first. Then sharing this with another, in this you can then have no expectations, wants or needs from your partner just allowing them to be who they are while enjoying the time together. Bring it on…
It’s true Joel, it keeps us looking outside ourselves for love, or maybe we set it up this way?
Even if you think you have found Mr. or Mrs. Right, the quality of connection to yourself is the quality of connection with your partner. And if you have no connection to yourself – you can feel lonely even in a relationship.
Yes the ideal or belief that there must be a Mr or Mrs right caps the fullness that life is in truth. Life is not about finding a perfect partner it is about something much bigger, our relationship with every one, how we live, the fullness of life, our divinity and the fact we are love and come from love and are returning to living that love in every part of our lives. Just making it about a partner is a great trick to not be aware of all that!
Love this Simon. We carry our inner glory and the grace of God with us everywhere we go…it is simply a matter of living with this fact and allowing ourselves to be all that we are. This is the love we have been longing for, a love that no knight in shining armour, no man, no woman or no child can give to us.
This is a beautiful comment Sara, I am grateful for the reminder that the glory and grace of God is always within us no matter where we are and is accessible to us all.
Yes exactly an no partner can give this to us, the love that we seek can only be connected to from within, then one reignited and lived we get to experience the glory of sharing this quality with another.
It is an interesting notion that we need not love ourselves and, can live how ever we like in utter recklessness towards ourselves and others and at the same time, expect if not demand that another fill the emptiness we have not only created but are not choosing to heal in ourselves and provide to us the love we deny ourselves – this is irresponsibility on a grand scale is it not?
This is true Sara, no one can give us the love we seek, neither can we demand it from another. Once we re-connect to the love within our inner heart then we have all the love that we will ever need, and more. It is only then that we can truly share this with love with others. This love is ‘All for One and One for All”…!