Recently I was having a session with a very well renowned and loved Esoteric practitioner about healing my need to have children. I have always carried a need to have a child, which has not come from a true impulse, but from needing someone to love. That was until I came across Universal Medicine and Serge Benhayon, who reminded me what true love is: an emanation, a beholding quality we all can choose to live, that we all come from, that doesn’t involve a need for doing things or buying presents. And that love starts with our self, not needing another to love you or needing another for you to love. Need is not love. And this is something I am learning to live again.
So I am at that age, where the world, with its many expectations, pictures, beliefs and ideals we have been ‘sold’, and bought into, may I hasten to add, from the day we are born tells a woman she should have kids by the time she reaches a certain age. You know in your late thirties where many women panic and their body clock, or head, I should rightly say, starts ticking to the wrong time, of ‘I won’t be able to have kids soon’, and for some, devastation and a ravaging need kicks in, as many of us believe we are not complete as a woman without children; that we have failed or something is wrong with us. None of this is true. But we don’t value or appreciate ourselves and our bodies enough, and all that we are and already bring as a woman.
These many ideals and expectations, I, and the world had chosen to place on myself, were impacting on my relationships, and putting unseen pressures and expectations onto myself, my body and my partners, big time. For example, even though unsaid, many of the times, there was a need in me thinking, will he be the one, even on a very first date, will this be the relationship, the person, the man who I have kids with? Can you imagine and feel the pressure this person would feel even when not physically with me, to have to live up to stereotypes, pictures, expectations and ideals that are not true, and putting a pressure and demand on them – not to mention myself and my body – that is not love in my book.
I am then trying to build and have loving relationships with all this heavy unseen stuff hanging around. Not to mention the thoughts that would come into my head, of well if they don’t want kids, do I end the relationship? Thank goodness, these thoughts are no longer chosen and ruling me.
So in all truth, was I truly meeting my partners and seeing them for who they are as a person, how truly lovely they are, and all that they bring, or was I seeing them in some areas of our relationship as someone to fill my needs?
You wonder why many people back off from relationships, but believe me the feeling of need in a relationship, anywhere in fact, is horrible, and something I am working on. But also living from all these expectations, ideals and beliefs is not allowing us to truly connect to other people, to feel who they really are, to build loving relationships with them, or ourselves.
When it came to my body, these expectations, pictures and ideals I had chosen to accept, created such an intense pressure on me to be a biological mum. It felt like a heaviness in my body which I carried around with me for a very long time. It’s only now that it’s gone, that I can feel the true extent of this; with an incredible lightness and so much more space and joy in my body and a freedom in my movements and steps.
This is what everyone is now feeling, from my partner, strangers in the street, to kids at school. It has had an effect on all of my life. I don’t need to say anything; people can feel how I live.
I also feel there has been a pressure taken off my female organs – my ovaries, uterus, and my breasts – they feel more like part of my body than they ever have done. Not just ‘something’ that is there to simply ‘make kids’, and also there is a lightness and a change to my abdomen area. Honestly, the feeling of joy I can now feel again is immense.
This has not only come about from my letting go of the need to be a biological mum, but it is more to do with appreciating and valuing what I already bring and live. I hadn’t been valuing or giving myself credit for this.
The truth is I am actually already a ‘mum’ to thousands of kids, as I have learnt that mothering and parenting, is an energy and expression first – way before it is about what you do. I am already living this and have been for years, with all the children in my life. I have a natural rapport, and a mothering and parenting energy with children and teenagers that I hold them in, but I actually hadn’t stopped to appreciate and give myself credit for this – the pictures of being the ‘biological’ mum stopped me appreciating the mum I already was to many. The truth is, we don’t have to physically have children of our own to be in that energy and to live it, and that can be equally felt and lived for men too as a fathering energy or expression.
It is this – appreciating and valuing what I bring and already live, that has brought a huge amount of space and settlement in my body, where I am actually now able to fully claim my choice that I don’t need to physically have a child to feel complete.
That is not saying I wouldn’t, if it was a true and correct choice I would; but first and foremost, mothering, fathering and parenting is an energy or quality we all can offer, live and hold others in, no matter whether we have biological children or not.
By Gyl Rae Teacher, 39, Scotland
Mothering beyond our children
Mothering – the essence of true nurturing
Motherless mothers – finding our way back to wholeness and love
Beautiful Gyl, what you share makes so much sense in the context of having kids, but what I get from all you say is there’s no one or nothing that can replace the knowing of our own sweetness and grace. I can get sucked in to needing the world to confirm who I am, but then can come back and suddenly see there is no race or approval I have to seek. Suddenly it’s like the clouds in the sky have moved to the side and I can see clearly again – I am a truly awesome guy.
Like everything, the choice to have children holds a great responsibility and is no more or less important than any other part of our life.
So very very true Vicky, beautifully said.
I have witnessed this truth in observing a woman I know. She could not have children of her own, but she was a true ‘Mother’ to many children. Her ease and acceptance of and with her circumstances meant there was no barrier to the love she offered.
Pictures Pictures…. How much do they really feature in our lives?
Great question indeed Michael – how much!
Well said, Gyl. You are such a powerful role model to all the children you have relationships with and teach, which as you say is going to a whole other level now that you are starting to truly appreciate all that you bring – thank you.
What you share about parenting being an energy first, this is so true. I have three children of my own, yet I have a very close relationship with many of their friends. When my eldest son was away for six months a few of them invited themselves over for dinner as they missed coming around! Thanks to the teachings of Serge Benhayon, I now understand that the love that I am is to be shared with all of humanity, unreservedly so. Just because I am not blood relations with someone doesn’t mean I love them any less.
This would be a fantastic article to share more broadly smashing the ideals, beliefs and pictures society places on women and their ‘primary’ role. To not have a biological child feels like a silence affliction, something not to be talked about. Life is about bringing all that we are – the love we are and what is chosen after that does not change our beauty.
This is beautifully shared Gyl ! I also agree that it would be so wonderful if those women and men who have not fulfilled what they see as their biological expectations to read and heal through your sharing . Everyone has their own journey but I feel many would relate very much to your story.
Brilliant blog, Gyl, thank you – this is a much needed conversation to have started. To be honest, I don’t ever remember asking myself whether I actually wanted children or not. As a young girl, I just assumed that I would, at some stage. I’m not suggesting that I would have chosen differently and decided not to have children, however, I’m appreciating just acknowledging that it would have been more honouring of me to have at least allowed the space to ask the question of my self.
What you expose here Gyl is that we think that we need certain things in order to be someone. But we are already. And we have plenty to offer through the quality that we bring. And nothing we gain, have or possess is what defines our quality. Our quality is who we are and not what we have made it to be.
Beautiful article Gyl. ‘The truth is I am actually already a ‘mum’ to thousands of kids’. This is so true true Gyl – the true energy of parenting that has no ‘need’ attached to it and does not require biology – this is extraordinary and a huge experience for all those kids to feel and may well be a refreshing contrast to what they regularly experience. When a teacher recognises and lives what you have laid down here, then those children are extremely fortunate.
Yes Lyndy, a teacher is the perfect example of this, the influence (parenting) that any adult has who spends time in the company of children. Sometimes it is in the little things, not accepting less from the child in standards of behaviour, or recognising talents, or simply just being a steady reflection for them to feel they can trust.
Great sharing Gyl and very much needed so much of the time we put pressure and emphasis on something outside of ourselves we miss out on appreciating ourselves and what we have right before us.
This is so true James, and what a burden to carry this looking outside of ourselves has proven to be. So much easier when we embrace ourselves in full.
It was very beautiful to read this, particularly the word settlement it felt very confirming of what you have shared ‘It is this – appreciating and valuing what I bring and already live, that has brought a huge amount of space and settlement in my body,’ So expectations, pictures and needs yep all lead to … unnecessary pressure! I too do not have children of my ‘own’. When I was younger I definitely thought I would have them and wanted them but through disregarding lifestyle choices this did not happen. There was a phase when I went through a sadness about this but this has passed however after reading your blog I do not feel I have claimed this fully for myself. So for me not to have children was not a choice more through circumstance this did not happen, however, I feel I no longer hold any of this in my body more an acceptance of my life up to this point and an acceptance of the love I am.
‘Needing’ others only pushes people away and creates a chasm where we are on our own. As we learn to love and appreciate who we are innately life begins to fall into place and we can then allow the space for others in our life.
So true Susan. ‘Needing’ another in our life puts so much unnecessary pressure on both parties, and is literally exhausting.
Yes the moment it is from need there is a perceived feeling of lacking or not being enough. When we truly connect to ourselves and live and feel this then the need is gone and whatever may develop can in its own right.
There are so many limiting beliefs grouped into this ‘need’.
1- Family is limited to your partner and biological children, which means by default that the rest of humanity is not your family. As long as you focus on your chosen little patch, that is okay, job done. You can ignore everyone else.
2. The loving parenting energy that runs through us has borders and can be boxed into a neat package of ‘my children’. But the fact is that we have relationships with all children in our lives and also as Rachel Hall commented above also with many adults that we may be naturally supporting with parenting energy.
3- And to make it more ridiculous we have also the added belief that a woman is not complete without ticking the box for the neat happy family picture. And if she is not a biological mum there is something wrong with them.
I love it when conversations, such as this one, start to unpick the crazy limitations humanity has been shackling itself with.
We are already everything we need to be. Appreciating this truth cuts all the pressures we unnecessarily place on ourselves.
Hear hear, just so!
Yearning to have a child undermines the experience we’ve been given to live fully as a woman, with all life brings to us and can result in many ‘lost’ years. Letting go of yearning and feeling we are less without children does indeed create a spaciousness within and deepens the love we have for ourselves.
I never had the need to have children or wanted to have them yet I have always loved them and could relate to them well. It’s interesting how this brings another lot of beliefs and expectations from the world. It’s great Gyl that you have felt and understood how you were approaching having children and made that shift to the lightness and joy you feel now bringing this to the children at school and everyone in your life.
It is true Gyl, there is so much pressure as women to grow up and have children, and as the clock ticks so to speak the comments and unsaid but felt comments get louder. It is huge to come to the understanding and feel the need behind women wanting to have children, and to clear that in yourself. I am sure the children you do come in contact with will be picking up on this.
When we start to connect to and express our natural innate nurturing qualities as the wise women we are, we start to feel, we are all mothers and fathers, and we are able to hold others and allow them the space to be where they are at, ( so no judging or imposing, just simply allowing), whether we actually have children or not. People can feel that acceptance.
Super blog Gyl. What you are sharing here is a massive thing for us all to pay attention to – not just the letting go of ideals and beliefs around having children but the acknowledgement that we are all parents regardless of whether we have our own biological children to take care of. Embracing this certainly takes the pressure off and I love the confirmation of how much more space there is in your body as a result and how this has impacted all your relationships. Thank you.
“…the acknowledgment that we are all parents regardless of whether we have our own biological children to take care of.”
This is a very important statement Michelle! I know that I held back for a long time to actually ‘parent’ the children around me, thinking that because I am not a mother, I am not really capable and shouldn’t interfere. So your statement is very empowering and very needed as well for all of us to take more responsibility in that sense.
And allows for what is true and deeply natural to take place in its own space and time with the full honouring of everyone involved -starting with self.
I remember someone saying to me that she could feel a very mothering energy from me. It felt amazing to hear that and then to feel how true that was- I hadn’t thought about that before then. Something definitely changed in my understanding of what it was to parent, and suddenly I felt that I had complete access to a world that I thought I had been closed off to. Thank you for the reminder that this is an enormous thing for us all to appreciate.
‘Something definitely changed in my understanding of what it was to parent, and suddenly I felt that I had complete access to a world that I thought I had been closed off to.’ This is beautiful Simone and realising we are parents to all children can then become a joy-filled responsibility.
This is great Gyl, the way I feel about having children is that my life is going to be incredible whatever happens, the details of whether I have a partner, or whether I have children almost don’t matter because this is my life and it’s magnificent and nothing can change that.
Gorgeous, Meg, to feel you claiming and living in the glory of who you are and what you bring to the world.
All you have expressed Meg should be a subject at school. Imagine then what relationships would be like and the intent behind starting a relationship with anybody.
That’s true – I don’t remember relationships even being mentioned in school, apart from maybe briefly in sex ed… Everything I learnt about relationships came from what I observed and what I learnt from movies and books. It would have been amazing for someone in school to have explained that life is not solely about having a partner and that life is magnificent, and that you are magnificent whatever you choose.
When we think about where our education comes from when we are teenagers it is no wonder we get so lost. Movies, music videos, magazines and now the Internet and gaming, often sponsored by the music, alcohol and porn industries themselves are not the type of education that is ever going to teach us about what is true. These industries are invested in particular lifestyle choices and keeping that alive, rather than the best interest of children and adults everywhere.
Agree Meg. I can relate here. When I spent a good 5 years without a partner I was able to fully feel and claim my yumminess. This supported me to accept the next relationship from a true place, one that confirms and has space to deepen without confinement or accommodation of the yumminess at all.
Love your expression and you claiming yourself in full – awesome!
Beautifully said Meg.
Beautifully expressed Gyl. The realisations you are coming to are profound.
“…..true love is: an emanation, a beholding quality we all can choose to live, that we all come from, that doesn’t involve a need for doing things or buying presents. And that love starts with our self, not needing another to love you or needing another for you to love”.
A beautiful expression of what love truly is and offers.
Doing is something that is a big one in general. Being identified and recognised for what we do rather than the truth of who we are.
Yes so true, and the learning to appreciate and acknowledge our selves for who we are and not for what we do is important for everyone, and with that we can hold others and all the children in the same Light.
The expectation that a woman should have children is very damaging. Although I have not suffered from feeling that pressure because I do have children, I can relate to letting go of beliefs that weighed heavy on me, and the difference it made to how I felt in my body when I let them go.
And after we have our first child then there is still the expectation and pressure often from self or family about having a second one! How wonderful to be free of this, especially when we realise what it is and how we do not need to be caged by this!
There is indeed a huge pressure on women to have children in society to the extent that they are not considered complete in their life unless they have them, but women are not born mothers, they are born as who they are and all women bring a mothering or nurturing energy with them to everyone they are with. This is the part of womanhood that all women are actually missing the most in my opinion – the mothering, nurturing aspect of themselves and if they started to reconnect to this quality that is naturally occurring in all women then the endless drive to do things, including the drive to have kids, would not be necessary. That is not to say that they would stop having kids or that having kids is a bad thing, just the drive to have them to feel complete as a woman would not exist.
Debra I grew up and from very young all the girls around me were expected to be “mummies” it was what everything thought needed to happen, there was no real space or discussion about not being a mummy. How amazing would it be if we as the current generation reflected back to kids that its not about having kids but about following what you feel is the responsible and deeply loving thing to do, something that will be different from one person to the next.
Gyl, what you are sharing here is huge, as you say from when we are little it is expected by the world that we will have children and this pressure certainly builds as we get older, it is very lovely that you are valuing yourself and know all you bring to the world as you are and that you are already complete without having a child.
“These many ideals and expectations, I, and the world had chosen to place on myself, were impacting on my relationships, and putting unseen pressures and expectations onto myself, my body and my partners, big time” I too have done this. Although not verbalised, these pressures are felt because as Einstein said “everything is energy.” Realising I even had these pictures and ideals was a first step to dismantling them.
“But we don’t value or appreciate ourselves and our bodies enough, and all that we are and already bring as a woman.” So true Gyl. Appreciation is so important – for everyone. Condemnation is rife – of ourselves, in homes and schools. yet appreciating oneself is often seen as being ‘up one self’. Time to change this – to appreciate our qualities for who we are – not for what we do.
Yes Sue, as long as we think we need something outside of us to give us value, whether that is a child or a job or a partner, we are missing out big time on the beautiful quality that is unique to us and that only we can bring into the world.
There is so much to appreciate about ourselves yet we don’t want to know. We take on so many ideals and beliefs and hold on to them that it becomes impossible to have any appreciation towards ourselves and even when we do we can feel guilty and shame for feeling it only because it is not the norm to feel and express love towards ourselves. If we do it is seen as selfish or ‘who do we think we are’ but the appreciation we can feel towards ourselves doesn’t have to be openly expressed even if others are not choosing it as we can quietly live it without any fuss or drama in our lives.
That is often the way with a lot of what we know and appreciate, to “quietly live it without any fuss or drama in our lives.”
Thank you Gyl it is devastating to feel the imposition that we place on ourselves and others to be biological parents and how this impacts our bodies and all our relationships. Appreciating what we already bring and letting go of any need to fulfill the pictures that we have taken on is key to healing any neediness that prevents us from living the joy that we innately are and sharing that with everyone.
This is a great article Gyl, we do need to dismantle the ideals and beliefs around the need to have our own kids. By taking away the old pressures and ideals and beliefs about having children we can then make a true choice whether it is right for us to have them or not this time round.
Very true Kev. It’s all about quality.
Responsible to all children – so true, and when we embrace this fully there does not need to be a wanting as we can hold them all equally in the Light that they are.
We naturally carry the mothering energy, it is in every cell of a woman’s body all we have to do is let go of the false ideal of being a mother, which is we have to have children or we are not mothers. This is very deep rooted in us and everywhere you turn this is what is portrayed in magazines books and the media and between each other. When we understand and accept re-incarnation we will know that there are lives when we will be mothers, and lives when we will not. This life I made a choice not to have children but this does not make me less of a woman and does not mean I don’t have the mothering qualities. I have recently married and my husband has two beautiful grown up daughters, to me they are my daughters too, no less because I have not carried them in my body. Gyl, I love the fact that once you were able to accept what you bring and that you already are a mother to thousands of children that this released you to heal the burden you were carrying of not having children.
“the pictures of being the ‘biological’ mum stopped me appreciating the mum I already was to many” and when we appreciate that we have a responsibility to parent all children we realise that this starts with truly parenting ourselves with love so that we offer a reflection to how to live as a family with all.
Mary I agree we need to start with ” with truly parenting ourselves with love so that we offer a reflection to how to live as a family with all.” without the true reflection we are harming ourselves and others.
That is a very beautiful realisation you have come to Gyl, that parenting is first a quality and something we can do with all children and it is not about having a child of your own for yourself.
Beautiful Lieke, parenting is a quality not restricted to having a child of our own but offered to all humanity and all children.
I agree, Lieke …..
‘The truth is I am actually already a ‘mum’ to thousands of kids,’ …. yes you are, Gyl, and what an amazing gift that is.
Yes I love that too – it is a quality and not depending only on ones own children or other people, it is a beholding of everyone equally so.
Yes the ownership game is what often lead us in the ideals and beliefs of others that many not be true to us.
Interesting Gyl, as what I read in this blog today is that we are already naturally mums and fathers actually for all children in the world and, that we actually do not need to to be the biological parent at experience this quality of ourselves in this. What is then the behaviour that tries to convince us that we need to have children and make this pivotal in our lives? Could it be that in fact with this behaviour we are trying to fill a need or an emptiness and with that are avoiding to live that life we naturally already are?
Very true Nico , its very possible the need and desire to have children for men or women is to delay or to be used as a distraction or to cover up the imination of the true love of each person.
Well said Nico. And if we human beings were truly willing to take on our parenting responsibilities perhaps the children in this world wouldn’t have so many challenges to contend with.
The is a valid point as the choices we make to make responsibility a priority will then make parenting a priority – it’s as simple as that!
I agree Nico. Are we allowing outside pressures to dictate who we are that then take us away from connecting to and appreciating what is innate within us? When we realize that we are all parents all the time and always have been, we embrace a true quality of care, awareness and responsibility towards our selves and one another that deepens the quality of our societies immensely.
The concept of parenting being an energy first may be very unfamiliar to many people as generally it is accepted that what is seen is the truth. But what if the seen part of our world is not the full picture? As with many pictures that have been fulfilled we are still finding emptiness in our lives.
Parenting as being an energy first so goes against all the attachments and ideals but what if we never don’t parent? How we are with our friends, our families, regardless of age, relationship could be in the parenting energy of supporting another to be all of who they truly are. What a difference this would make – so often people including myself are too afraid to make a comment because it isn’t their perceived place to do so.
Learning to appreciate and to value ourselves as the most amazing beings that we naturally are has the power to heal so many beliefs that we are holding on to; beliefs that can be so very debilitating and very destructive to us and to any relationships in our lives. How liberating it must feel in your body, Gyl, to have healed the deeply ingrained need to have children and instead to embrace all the children that come into your life, no matter for how long.
Just so – truly connecting to our essence deeply and fully can only but support us in letting go of beliefs that we need something in particular to feel whole or complete.
Powerfully said Ingrid because what Gyl shares affects so many women. We are all deeply nurturing and our ability to share this quality with all we meet, child and adult alike does not have to be confined to motherhood alone, it is a very natural expression. Appreciating and expressing this is extremely important, we do not need a child of our own to give ourselves permission to express what is so innate within us.
My son is not biologically mine but I am not less of a mother or a parent to him as of course he is my son and I love hime dearly. The love and care I offer him is also to be shared and afforded to other children as is the level of discipline and respect that is required to ensure that children are raised to know who they are and what is and isn’t acceptable in this world.
I also run a business and employ staff – we often say we are like family – I see that I have a role in raising them and help them develop their potential too. Thus we can parent across the board irrespective of if that is our child or anothers or even an adult.
This is very practical and beautiful what you share here Rachel. If we allow ourselves to come from our heart and let go of the pictures we have we will find how deeply we care about everybody and how this wants to be shared and expressed with everybody and not just the selected few we call our loved/closed ones.
Yes, it’s really beautiful to let go of the traditional picture and ideal of what family is and surrender to the knowing that we are all a part of one very large family. As someone who has tended to hold back from people and relationships, I am loving dropping my guard and just being me with everyone, it’s far less complicated and there is a gorgeous flow in allowing myself to express whatever is there to share, to hold back takes so much more effort and it feels stifling.
And really if we truly took this false belief of not being a mother if you don’t give birth, a bit further then we could challenge it by saying fathers are great parents even though they technically don’t give birth. Yet their fatherly traits become awakened when they know a child needs caring for. And as in all people when another needs cared for we know how to deeply care and love.
This is brilliant Rachel. I have often seen you with your son and would never have thought you were not biologically his mother! You both feel so close and this is a true testament to the fact that it is about the connection and the quality of what you both share together that counts. The fact of being a biological mother or not matters little in this regard.
Very true. They are gorgeous together.
I like that sharing Rachel, we can parent adults too, and we can parent ourselves. In fact perhaps that is the model we should teach, that we are all parents and all the children, the forever student of life. A teenager is probably in a greater state of wellbeing if they have been taught the responsibility of parenting themselves. I have also seen how strongly young people respond to being given the responsibility to look after younger children in schools and at home. The thing that gets in the way of so much of this is the “blood family” ties we bind ourselves too that hold us back from experiencing the depth of parenting and parents that could be on offer.
This is beautiful Rachel – I have observed your relationship with your son and others – a powerful marker of true parenting with respect, equal-ness and humour
Amazing sharing Rachel – what you provide is a reflection to the world that biology is not everything. And I love how you are bringing this into your business in the sense that it is possible to be a mentor and role model to others in a non imposing way.
Now what if all business worked like this, where we had a mothering or fathering energy leading the ship, guiding and working with those aboard to steer the best course for everyone.
I like what you are saying here Rachel because the company I work with a has a huge client base across 110 different countries and for years now we have considered all the clients to be family and everyone is treated in this way with absolute respect and integrity.
Thats what I love about you Mary every-one is treated equally, like you would your own daughter.
Brilliant Rachel. You are breaking many of the ideals and beliefs around parenting. The truth is every adult biologically theirs or not is a reflection and has a responsibility for reflecting truth to any child. The nurturing mothering energy or deeply caring fathering energy is within us whether we have a child or not. Everyone has the inner potential and wisdom to be an amazing parent.
Absolutely Monica. And these standards are so needed especially today to set the love and responsibility of true parenting as some people often take having children for granted or that they own them but do not see as parents we are here to reflect love and responsibility of being all you are in life, contributing caringly to society.
Great sharing Rachel and how inspiring it is to raise people and help them to develop their potential.
So true Rachel, parenting is not just confined to raising a child, it is actually a quality that we can express all the time to who ever requires this support and guidance. It is not about ‘molly codling’ a person, but ensuring that they do know who they are and what is acceptable behaviour to enable us all to respect one another and ourselves.
Rachel great what you share and I absolutely agree, you don’t have to be a biological mother to parent. Like you I run a business and I bring the mothering energy to our business, working with all the staff. I love this part of my job, it comes naturally. I also bring the mothering energy to my nieces and nephew.
Our parenting comes from our knowing and when we hold this back to stop another from learning and growing then we are bound by ideals and beliefs rather than working from a true call to support all equally in our community.
A confirmation that true mother and fathering energy is not exclusive for those that are biologically ours but instead can be for all.
So awesome Rachel, we need more examples like you – family is based on love not blood.
This is beautiful to read and feel Rachel. Parenting across the board, not limited to if we have children but all children, adults.. and ourselves, bringing this to all areas of life as you have with your staff.
You make a great point about your business Rachel. Staff from happy successful companies often talk about feeling like they are part of a family.
The imposition that is put on women to have children either from society or ourselves is immense. To recognize this and choose to work through it rather than strive towards it regardless of it’s false foundation, is profound. This is something countless woman would benefit from reading and contemplating if being a mother is in fact a truth for them or based on something that may just need to be healed so that they can instead be a mother on global scale and not feel any less for not being a parent.
I agree Sam – sometimes the greatest impositions and expectations actually come from ourselves – our own ideas and pictures and standards we expect ourselves to live up to – they may have been created by what we see outside of us, but at the end of the day we are holding ourselves to ransom for not living up to them – so equally we have the power to let go and allow ourselves to just be.
Rebecca I agree we hold ourselves to ransom for not living up to ideas and pictures, we are our own enemy at times.
It would be wonderful Gyl if this article were shared very broadly – I’m sure there are many, many women who carry this burden and would relate to your story and might respond to the sense of liberation you bring! It’s also super-inspiring for those who may not have come to a full appreciation of the parenting they already do, without being a parent per se.
I agree too Victoria -I have quite a few friends that have so suffered through their need and hearing and feeling what has been shared can offer such depth and insights and potentially a healing in feeling in truth that we are enough.
Just the words not needing to be a biological mum’ would be a relief and refreshing for many women to even hear. It’s such a stigma that a woman needs to even have children and one that can cause many to feel pressured and not appreciate their womanly preciousness.
And that’s just looking at women. When we consider women and culture then there is a whole other can of worms to look at.
When a women’s biological clock starts ticking, it’s often so loud she can hear nothing else.
And is it actually a biologically clock that is ticking within a woman’s body or a need that is being filled which is based on the tick tock of the clock.