I recently watched an Esoteric Women’s Health presentation by Natalie Benhayon on relationship with self and others, for the purpose of evolving together. In her presentation, Natalie spoke about the intent behind the choices we make to be in a relationship.
With this I realised that I have never chosen a relationship to evolve.
I have chosen to be in relationships for love – true love and the emotional kind too – but I have never consciously chosen a relationship to evolve. By this I mean knowing I am amazing and I have so much to give, and choosing to be with someone who is willing to grow and evolve with me too. By choosing to commit to deepening and expanding our love together, to letting go of old patterns and behaviours, and moving on from past hurts. And to never putting a lid on the level of love we can and are able to express.
Even relationships I have been in and look back on, with deep love and care, I chose from need. I was looking for someone else to bring me what I did not want to be responsible for bringing to myself – and that was love.
I thought I was open and willing to evolve, to work through issues that came up and to actively develop our love together, but the truth was I didn’t want to take responsibility for being love first. There was a hurt, a lack of trust and commitment, and a fear of opening up.
I thought it was safer and easier to let my partner in so far, then shut them out. I didn’t let them see me in full all the time because I was scared of getting hurt. There were moments I would fully open up and be the love that I am, and then I would return to holding it back, like a ransom: if you are love with me, then I will be love with you too. What an exhausting way to live for us both.
The truth is, it is holding back love that actually hurts.
In the past I wouldn’t always speak up when I knew things weren’t right in a relationship due to a lack of self worth, but also because of the potential of being on my own, the fear of being rejected and not being loved.
I now understand rejection has nothing to do with the other person rejecting me; it is love we reject, not the person. To reject love, we first have to reject the fullness of the relationship we have with ourselves by ignoring, dulling down or avoiding committing to and deepening the love we feel for ourselves.
With this understanding I am learning about evolving relationships on a whole new level – and with that I mean all relationships – not only with partners but also with myself, my family, friends, work colleagues and strangers too.
I now know in every relationship there is the potential for us all to evolve.
By Gyllian Rae, 37, Scotland
Starting a New Relationship – The Pictures we Hold
Fairy-Tales – why a romantic relationship is so hard to find
Something Beautiful Part 1 – My Unfolding and Being All of Me with a Man