I recently watched an Esoteric Women’s Health presentation by Natalie Benhayon on relationship with self and others, for the purpose of evolving together. In her presentation, Natalie spoke about the intent behind the choices we make to be in a relationship.
With this I realised that I have never chosen a relationship to evolve.
I have chosen to be in relationships for love – true love and the emotional kind too – but I have never consciously chosen a relationship to evolve. By this I mean knowing I am amazing and I have so much to give, and choosing to be with someone who is willing to grow and evolve with me too. By choosing to commit to deepening and expanding our love together, to letting go of old patterns and behaviours, and moving on from past hurts. And to never putting a lid on the level of love we can and are able to express.
Even relationships I have been in and look back on, with deep love and care, I chose from need. I was looking for someone else to bring me what I did not want to be responsible for bringing to myself – and that was love.
I thought I was open and willing to evolve, to work through issues that came up and to actively develop our love together, but the truth was I didn’t want to take responsibility for being love first. There was a hurt, a lack of trust and commitment, and a fear of opening up.
I thought it was safer and easier to let my partner in so far, then shut them out. I didn’t let them see me in full all the time because I was scared of getting hurt. There were moments I would fully open up and be the love that I am, and then I would return to holding it back, like a ransom: if you are love with me, then I will be love with you too. What an exhausting way to live for us both.
The truth is, it is holding back love that actually hurts.
In the past I wouldn’t always speak up when I knew things weren’t right in a relationship due to a lack of self worth, but also because of the potential of being on my own, the fear of being rejected and not being loved.
I now understand rejection has nothing to do with the other person rejecting me; it is love we reject, not the person. To reject love, we first have to reject the fullness of the relationship we have with ourselves by ignoring, dulling down or avoiding committing to and deepening the love we feel for ourselves.
With this understanding I am learning about evolving relationships on a whole new level – and with that I mean all relationships – not only with partners but also with myself, my family, friends, work colleagues and strangers too.
I now know in every relationship there is the potential for us all to evolve.
Inspired by Natalie Benhayon and Serge Benhayon – and the deep care, truth, love, integrity and commitment they live.
By Gyllian Rae, 37, Scotland
Further Reading:
Starting a New Relationship – The Pictures we Hold
Fairy-Tales – why a romantic relationship is so hard to find
Something Beautiful Part 1 – My Unfolding and Being All of Me with a Man
1,284 Comments
As we deepen our relationship with our inner self we deepen our relationship with everyone.
Love is incredibly independent whilst simultaneously encompassing the all.
Interestingly my current relationship was one that I went into in order to avoid evolving and yet it is definitely one that is now supporting both me and my partner to evolve which feels nothing short of incredible. I feel like some very, very ingrained patterns of behaviour are breaking down for both of us and it’s amazing to be chartering new territory together.
As I sat in my car yesterday, waiting for people to cross the road it occurred to me that I have a relationship with pedestrians. How patient or impatient I am, how I might react differently to someone who’s dawdling because they’re on their phone as opposed to an elderly person who can’t walk quickly. We really are in relationship with everything all of the time, a constant seeing and reacting or thinking and reacting or hearing and reacting, and all based on our relationship with that thing e.g. the sound of sport on telly can bring a sudden onset in boredom in some and yet in others bring on instant excitement and all dependant on our relationship with that thing.
There is no relationship that any of us has, however fleeting that is not in our lives for the purpose of evolution and if we were to truly know that and live that then the rate of our evolution would increase exponentially, rather than what most of us are currently living, which is to get bogged down in relationships because we’re caught up in the human face of them as well as caught up in our own human face. We have temporarily forgotten that we are energetic beings living a multidimensional life.
When we look at all our relationships in our lives we can reflect that actually all no matter with whom has an opportunity to evolve.
What would life look like if we went to work to evolve and then how we interact with the staff, my feeling is that our way of living would turn the corner towards the most amazing way of connecting with others, so thank you Gyl, this is definitely a subject worth delving into.
” I was looking for someone else to bring me what I did not want to be responsible for bringing to myself – and that was love.” Nailed it!! this is so true and you speak for many.
When we have understanding that a relationship or relationships are constellated to support us to deepen the love for ourselves we realise they are golden opportunities to deeply appreciate. I get to understand then that evolution is the true purpose of every relationship in different ways however the same learning is there in each and that is to accept and surrender to a greater love that is to be lived.
This is so awesome to commit ‘to never putting a lid on the level of love we can and are able to express.’ Would not claim to be able to do this on a consistent basis but recognising that this is possible and getting rid of the issues that stand in the way of allowing this to happen is something that I am working on.
Great point to consider whether we’re choosing to keep evolving in all of our relationships: firstly with ourselves and then with friends, family, work colleagues, people we barely know but whose paths we cross.. every moment is an opportunity for a greater level of love to be felt and then expressed, from within.
What if we just passed people where ever we went and they felt love radiating from our bodies as we walked along this could be a life changing moment as the passersby got to feel something different, it only takes a fleeting moment? That’s where the responsibility comes into play because who are we to withhold something so grand. We all have a God given right to feel love and to be love but this has been corrupted so that we can pass each other on the street and feel anything but love. Why have we allowed ourselves to be so utterly corrupted? It just doesn’t make any sense.
No one hurts us. It’s the holding back our love that hurts us. It’s taken a few years and I am continuing to learn it’s mastery. But everytime I go to an issue with “what part of love has been avoided/rejected?” Or such a question. It lances the heart of the issue and stops it then and there. That’s not saying I can’t recreate it but often if I have felt the suffering the issue creates then I choose not to repeat it.
It’s a continual choosing to bring our love in full to every situation, and never holding this back, ‘The truth is, it is holding back love that actually hurts.’
Relationships are a great way for us to learn – we learn our weaknesses and our strengths and we can be massively inspired by other people who have mastered what we have not yet got to grips with.
I love how we are continually learning and becoming more aware in life, ‘Even relationships I have been in and look back on, with deep love and care, I chose from need. I was looking for someone else to bring me what I did not want to be responsible for bringing to myself – and that was love.’
Choosing relationships to evolve includes getting it ‘wrong’ because there is no wrong just an opportunity to learn – and evolve.
I love the concept of choosing a relationship to evolve, supporting one another to be more of the love and amazingness that we are.
All our conversations are either evolving us, keeping us in the same place or actually involving us – that is bringing us down…..the choice is ours.
“I now understand rejection has nothing to do with the other person rejecting me; it is love we reject, not the person.”
This hit me like a ton of bricks this morning, and has given me much to ponder upon, thank you.
Gyl a great blog and as someone that used to choose relationships to ‘make me feel better’ today, in most cases, I choose them to evolve. The difference is incredible.
Yes, it brings relationships to a whole new level, choosing them to evolve, rather than from a need, ‘I have chosen to be in relationships for love – true love and the emotional kind too – but I have never consciously chosen a relationship to evolve.’
David I feel that the difference in the two examples that you’ve shared is a lot to do with whether or not we’re focusing entirely on ourselves or widening our view to incorporate others. Are our relationships solely about what we’re getting or not getting from them or are they about the deeper interaction of two or more people and what we can bring to lift all those that we’re in relationship with? When it’s the latter we naturally get taken care of in the process.