With Christmas fast approaching, as always it is time for reflection. My partner and I are the parents of five young children and before we went shopping last year, we reflected on Christmas the previous year. We remembered it being a fun time but we were also looking at what we wanted to have different last year. We discussed it and one thing we remembered was the children not really playing with their presents for long. We couldn’t have done much more with the type of presents because we had asked them for a list and shopped from that. So we discussed what we could do differently.
We discussed about buying more ‘family’ presents and fewer individual presents. We noticed the previous year that the children took their presents and played beside each other, but not really together. They discussed things between themselves but didn’t really have an overall feeling of being together. I thought it was a great idea to buy more family presents and so we discussed the types of presents we could get that would fit. As usual the children made us a list and from that list we chatted about what presents would suit what we had decided together.
We shopped with that intention – to make any gifts or presents about bringing the children together.
It is like we made a clear plan and from there we shopped. There were no specifics, but more of an overall theme with a few points, and the rest was left to the day.
On the shopping day, we only spent about 3 hours shopping for all the five children and nearly had all of their presents bought and wrapped by the end of it. We put them under the tree with their names on them. Some presents had one name, others had two and others had all five. When the children came home, we watched them read who they were for. At that point it was about two weeks until Christmas and we listened to the children trying to work out what their gifts were under the tree.
The night before Christmas we were all together. We had dinner and drove around in the car in the local area, looking at all the Christmas lights at other people’s houses. We commented on how many people were together with neighbours, and how there were children playing together in the streets. It was all very similar to the theme we had felt about last Christmas being not about gifts or food, but about being together first.
The children woke up in the morning and came to find us. We all said good morning and spent some time in our bedroom before heading out to the tree. The children were very content just being in the bedroom with us.
There was no running or crazy play, no continual asking about presents – just a moment in the morning we were simply all together.
We went out and gave the children their ‘Santa’ sacks and they began searching through them. We gave them all some collector animal cards that you get free at the shopping centre; they had all been collecting them into folders. They spent the next 20 minutes just with these cards, discussing them, swapping them and putting them into their folders. They only had two folders between the five of them, and so this too was a shared project. My partner Sarah and I were looking at each other and smiling. The children were just so content and not rushing to get to the next present, or even go further into their bags. It was unlike the previous year, when they rushed through opening their presents, and then didn’t really play much with them. They were content just to be together, talking and discussing their cards.
This said a lot for us, and for me at that moment, Christmas was done, complete you could say. I have become aware of many things thanks to the consistent and loving support of Serge Benhayon and Universal Medicine, and this was another one.
As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.
With our discussion and reflection about this time of year for us and how the previous year didn’t really feel that great we made a decision on how we could grow last year. This was based also on what had been going on in the house over the past few weeks, and what we felt together we all needed. Did we just need presents and a day or was there something deeper we could see that we all needed? With this discussion the intention for how and why we were buying things for the children changed and from there this transformed Christmas before we had even shopped, given presents, or experienced the day.
This is the power of intention and connection and we could see the massive change this made… from the 2 weeks prior to Christmas day, to the drive around the local area, to how the children were on Christmas morning and then to how they went about opening their first presents.
Christmas is but one day a year but from this we can see that no matter what is happening the intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation. The more we connect with people, even in just our own family, this can change others as well.
It doesn’t just change for one day either, because the children have already asked for what they want this year and can you guess what that is? You are right if you said presents that bring them together: they didn’t say that but the things they asked for are things they all play together with.
Now for me, that’s not only what Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.
By Raymond Karam, Father, Goonellabah
Further Reading:
Human Relationships
What I Love About Christmas
Christmas Lies, Christmas Myths and the Truth about Christmas
733 Comments
So simple really; individual presents encourages separation and group presents inspire connection with others and a lasting lesson for life.
Conformation of how a family should be working together and then this can be taken out into the community, schools and our work places. This is great Ray as this allows us to deepen into our essences rather than disconnect and run a muck as usually happens around Christmases and other celebrations.
Raymond – I love reading this article. It is beautiful and inspiring that you have made Christmas about people and being together. I love the idea of family presents and can see how this supports the connection with each other.
In the last couple of years I’ve really started to appreciate reflecting on my life and my choices and looking to do things differently. Not just for a outward outcome to change but how I feel inside.
This is so lovely.
Beautiful to feel how the children took their lead from you and your partner’s choice to make Christmas about connection with each other and the wider community. Truly showing the power of reflection.
What a lovely idea to buy presents that supported the children to be together, ‘The children were just so content and not rushing to get to the next present, or even go further into their bags. It was unlike the previous year, when they rushed through opening their presents, and then didn’t really play much with them. They were content just to be together, talking and discussing their cards.’
Christmas is an opportunity for people to be together so it makes sense that presents support us to play together rather than ‘doing our own thing’.
What really comes across in this blog is how content the children were to play together without competing and worrying what the other had been given.
Yes, as Raymond shared in his blog, how he and his partner are, the quality of their energy, will and does affect the children and how they are, ‘As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.’
The beautiful thing is that when the purpose or intention is about connecting it is never just about one day, such as Christmas, as this is a quality that we can focus on living with every day including through our Christmas period which offers us great steadiness, as your blog powerfully highlights Ray.
Great sharing Ray. Christmas should indeed be just like any other day in life: about connecting to people and bringing them together.
I agree Willem – there is so much more that we can embrace and honor when it comes to this time of year as we come together with our families, of what we are part of and what we are here to deepen and inspire each other live. Yes it is very true that this can be lived every day but it is also very purposeful and empowering to come together and consolidate and claim what we have lived and what is yet to be lived.
I agree everything in life should be about connecting people and bringing them together … this is something worth reflecting on.
Connecting to people makes a big difference in the lives of many people, ‘The more we connect with people, even in just our own family, this can change others as well.’
Beautiful to read Ray, thank you for sharing your wisdom, this is what we are here for – to bring people together in true community a oneness and equality that allows our lives to deepen in our love and joy of being with family and people who are our true family.
This is a very cool sharing. When I was young I was obsessed by what I was getting on Christmas Day. It was all about me but I also used this as a gauge to measure how much my parents cared about me- did they know what I liked? Did they know what I am interested in? How much effort did they put in? For me presents were tied up with the level of love I thought others had for me. There was a greed and self focus in this so I love what you have presented.
“As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.” – This sentence is spot on Ray, and even though it is much easier to put all the responsibility on my daughter for her actions, when I was honest there have been more times than not that her behaviour was a direct reflection of what was going on for me at the time and how loving, connected, and responsible I have been. It was great reading how you made Christmas into a time of bringing your family closer together, rather than the usual quick hit of excitement over a personal gift that wears off quickly, only to be replaced with another need to fill the gap of connection that is truly needed in the first place.
We often have the opportunity to live life differently, To make choices that start to really enhance our lives, and our connection with each other.
Gorgeous to read Ray. It’s wonderful to feel how absolute you are in your conviction to connection and bringing people together.
A great way to bring the children and the whole family together, buying presents that are not about each individual self so much but about everybody. I can feel from your contribution how much everybody enjoyed their Christmas day and it is something to take across and make it our everyday.
I love that your brought presents that brought the family together rather than satisfied individual need and that some presents had 5 names on them, that’s a great idea that I think could really catch on, I wonder what Christmas would be like if the presents that we gave each other helped us learn and grow rather than were things that distracted us, or things we didn’t really need.
Raymond, I love this article, it is very beautiful how there was an intention to bring the children and family together and that you made Christmas about this, I find this very inspiring as I can feel that Christmas can be about presents and indulgence and excess, so it feels lovely to make it about people and connections. This year I also bought games that we could play together as a family, it felt lovely playing these games together and I can see that this is what my son enjoys – the time together having fun and that it was this quality time that was most precious thing.
It’s amazing the difference that occurred on the morning of Christmas. Setting the tone for how Christmas would be celebrated, as a family rather than individuals seems to have had a very settling effect on everyone.
Coming together for a purpose and celebrating everyone’s contributions is felt by all. What a great way to offer another reflection of how to be with our loved ones at Christmas time.
Such a great idea Ray, and I love the feel of how the children then collaborated and worked together because they didn’t feel the need to have ownership over the presents because they were content with themselves within the whole present thing.
‘It is like we made a clear plan and from there we shopped. There were no specifics, but more of an overall theme with a few points, and the rest was left to the day.’ I like this style of shopping. When I do this myself it is far more relaxing, I am not consulting a list and ticking things off and I am not wandering around looking for bargains or letting the shop influence my choices. I have a clear overall intention to buy what nourishes and supports and I allow my body to make the decisions.
Christmas is a time for families to come together and is a reflection of how humanity is one family that prospers when we all work and play in harmony together.
“As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.” This is a foundational key for all relationships and not only holds us all equally responsible but offers us the space to consider how we move, express and support ourselves to bring love and care in all that we do each day and how this then has a flow on effect to everything in life . Awesome thank you.
Christmas is soon approaching again this year, and what a great blog to read. I have a toddler, and this is an amazing gift to receive – that presents can be about sharing and getting the family together and being part of a community. That is the best gift of all, getting everyone together to talk and connect.
Since Christmas is supposed to be a time to be together, it makes sense to buy presents that can be shared by all the family and bring a greater connection. I love the way this has been explored and so much care has been taken to create the Christmas you want, rather than the one that is sold to us.
So many families have lost the true meaning of Christmas and instead it is simply a time of excesses; too many presents, too much food and too much money being unnecessarily spent, often with credit cards groaning under the weight well into the New Year. And from what I have observed, even when the presents have been opened and the food consumed there are still a lot of unhappy children and adults wandering around as the day unfolds. For those who still choose to observe Christmas you have offered a wonderful way of doing so, a simple day when it is about coming together as a family with the loving consideration of every single member always in mind.
Family and shared presents at Christmas make so much sense as they promote that togetherness that builds and nourishes our relationships with each other.
What is Christmas if not about being together. I love what you did here in getting group presents – it makes so much sense and is so beautiful in getting everyone together.
Thank you Ray for bringing into focus the value of togetherness, and how this is one of the greatest gifts we can share with each other, not only at Christmas time but all year round. It’s not just about being in the same room with each other, or the distance we have to travel to share this day with family, but more so a quality of being open to each other, to play, share, care, learn, be honest with each other, so that the quality of togetherness is felt and holds us wherever we are.
I tend to call it ‘the Tyranny of Christmas’ as it is, for so many people, a time of angst, dysfunction, and social malaise.
Christmas can indeed be a time for connection and true union… we just have to start to choose this and like a ripple the effect spreads throughout our families and into society
A beautiful sharing Raymond. “It doesn’t just change for one day either, because the children have already asked for what they want this year and can you guess what that is? You are right if you said presents that bring them together: they didn’t say that but the things they asked for are things they all play together with.” When my children were young I would always buy a present that we could all play together – usually some form of board game. In this day of computers and ipads, I wonder if this is still the case in families?
You make a great point here Ray about children having individual presents and then playing along side of each other. On many occasions when my children were growing up there were far too many presents and often they ended up playing with a big box together in the middle of the living room.
A beautiful article Ray on the real meaning of Christmas, a time for families, parents being together with the intent to bring the children together to share with each other, these are the true presents in life. A beautiful reflection of parenting.
“As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.” So true Raymond. Parents are role models for their young children until they go out into a wider society. True sharing of parenting – a beautiful example for families.
“Now for me, that’s not only what Christmas is about, but what life is about –– bringing people together, truly together, and not just ticking a box.” Beautifully said Raymond.
Some of my family live in America – I live in UK – so the holiday time is an opportunity for us all to spend time together without the usual work pressures, to share, and to catch up. I used to get so stressed about getting Christmas ‘right’. That has gone – its just another day with a lovely shared meal and a few presents thrown into the mix.
I never buy presents at Christmas time, I prefer to buy things for people when I see something I know the person will love or because I have an impulse to give a person something. Christmas for me is a time to be together with family and friends, catching up and enjoying a meal together.
It is interesting how we can often feel like buying someone a gift but have been conditioned in having a reason or an occasion. What you have shared here Mary-Louise Myers is a great start in breaking down the beliefs of when to buy and why and the power of bringing simplicity back to Christmas time.
Your whole sharing shows that what has changed the whole Christmas experience is connection. I remember birthdays and that I would rush through the presents just because I wanted to feel fulfilled yet the presents never did this! Nowadays I much more appreciate the connection over the gifts, not just because I have grown into an adult but because that is just the most beautiful thing to have.
Such a wonderful and refreshing approach.
‘the intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation’ Such a powerful statement that inspires me to bring this attention it to all areas of my life. It’s great for looking at when things aren’t great too – what was my intention here? Was it to get recognition or to bring together in unity?
Thank you Ray for sharing a true Christmas story, the light that brings everyone together.
Raymond, I love what you are sharing here, it’s great to read this and I feel inspired for this Christmas with my son to buy ‘family presents’ as what he enjoys the most is being with me and his dad playing together, so rather than buy him presents that he plays on his own I love the idea of buying him things that bring us all together, thank you.
Christmas is approaching soon and it is very supportive to read your blog Raymond. What I love about Christmas is it does bring people together but the period just before I can feel people racing around at the shops frantically looking for presents or buying things in preparation. It seems very easy to get caught up in this franticness but what happens when we choose this is we lose connection with each other. The best celebration of all is when we have true connection with each other. I love it when I spend time with family and friends with this beautiful connection any time of the year, it doesn’t have to be reserved for Christmas or other special occasions.
Gorgeous Raymond, Life is about being together, sharing and holding eachother in love. It is not always lived, but deep inside we all know.
Thank-you Raymond, I too have witnessed my children’s interest in their christmas presents wain – I will be inspired by your words as we roll towards Christmas this year.
I vividly remember shopping last year at Christmas time and hearing a parent ask her children “How many Christmas presents they wanted this year? Before long the 3 children were calling out and running around the shop in a frenzy randomly choosing whatever caught their eye. What has been shared from this blog is the honouring of each child in the family yet showing the responsibility in celebrating the family unit and what they can enjoy together – making Christmas about each other not the present on its own.
Awesome Ray you have a beautiful way of naturally bringing people and community together – thank you for sharing it is very inspiring.
What’s also so amazing about this exercise is that it doesn’t encourage competitive or comparative behaviour. As everything is to be shared. What an amazing experience for the kids to have together. 5 children is a lot! A group like that has the potential, like any group, to turn on each other with jealousy and the like. But here, the qualities of togetherness and equality are being nurtured and enforced.
Such a powerful exercise Ray. Everything you describe here is, I feel, all anybody really wants, to enjoy each others company.
This is so beautiful, thank you for sharing Ray.
What I felt from your blog Raymond is how still and relaxed it was no excitement about the presents or rushing around to complete everything for the final day even with 5 children. Working in a supermarket I get to see and feel the frenzy first hand and this year was worst than most. Normally there is a family atmosphere as the whole family comes shopping in the final days up to Christmas but this year it felt more fractious and intense and people were much rudder than normal. It be would lovely if everyone had read your blog before coming into the store and got to feel what a true Christmas felt like.
Thank you Raymond for this beautiful blog supporting me to continue on building a Christmas that is truly loving and supporting for all the family.
Raymond I loved reading your blog, and how you and your partner have introduced the importance as a family of doing things together, and how that builds such a great foundation for the whole family, very inspiring.
It is amazing to think that simply changing your own commitment to being together as a couple and a family in the lead up to Christmas, led to a change in behaviour and level of commitment to be being together of your own children over Christmas. It does show just how much we are influencing each other by reflection all the time. Parenting I would say is 90% example through reflection and maybe 10% actually telling kids what to do.
Hello Andrew and I have found that parenting is all about a living example. Even when we are ‘telling’ them what to do there is a living example for them in action, a reflection. For us any time we have ‘moved through’ anything the children have just come on board or aligned to the same. Not to say there is not equal responsibilities in the house but as with everything it is about ‘us’ doing our part and then from there allowing everything else to fall into place. So often we look for things to change or are more concerned with the behaviours that go on in front of us when all we need do is look at ourselves. When we truly lead by example there is no concern with anything or anyone else, you watch it but your dedication is to how you are feeling knowing that all else will come from there.
Great point to raise here Andrew. Yes, would have to agree that parenting is 90% through example and reflection. Just reinforces that responsibility we have to ourselves, and to one another.
Thanks Ray for sharing how Christmas can be a celebration of how connected we are in our relationships, a connection that we build through the year and not just try to have it on one day of the year.
Hello Andrew and yes this is the key. You don’t ‘look’ to build the relationship on the day. You build the relationship in every moment and then as a natural part of that building the change will come. This relationship building isn’t an arrangement but a commitment to what you are feeling. We can all be in relationship but are you being true to what you feeling or are you just doing what you have always done. In what you are saying Andrew, we can have Christmas every day of the year, “a celebration of how connected we are in our relationships”.
It is Gill, and I agree but this is not just a blog about Christmas, it’s about life, everyday, consistency and the list goes on. The key to Christmas is the other 364 days. Live who you truly are everyday and Christmas will be just an extension of that. So I love what you say and this would ring true to everyday, “It’s a time for us to take a pause and be reflective appreciating people around us who we work with or live with, or reconnect to people we’ve lost touch with. it’s really all about people”. I would also add yourself into this as well. We truly can’t fit this into just one day, it’s far greater than that and when you live with a consistent care and appreciation it will hold you like no other, so Merry everyday and have a great Christmas.
‘no matter what is happening the intention in which you do something has real power to transform any situation.’ What I sometimes forget is how much power there is in humility. When misunderstandings occur it so often requires us to be more spacious and open yet the old way of pursuing who is right or who started it or who said what and finger pointing weedles it’s way into the conversation and a full blown argument can ensue. This happens with children a lot. If our focus is on ourselves then this is almost inevitable but if our intention is to live together, to come together in harmony and to express from a place of stillness this truly supports us to stay out of the downward spiral that can sometimes ensue. I love how your emphasis in this blog is all about that: about connecting with each other
Thank your for sharing you and Sarah’s willingness to feel what was missing in your previous Christmas as a family and your intention to find what would work as a family. As I was reading your blog I wondered what it would feel like to take that same intention into the work place. That sent me scurrying for my journal to explore what it was that was missing with colleagues and customers that could create a difference and the result was the same as your ponderings: a deeper connection and appreciation of those around us, with us and by us.
“As parents of five young children, how we are together as parents really sets the mark for how the children are.” This is so true and something I am recognising more and more each day. My livingness including how I am with my husband in my day is what inspires our three children; it is not about preaching to them!
Reading this on Christmas day seems very appropriate! I loved your reminder that the intention behind any words or actions has the power to heal and transform or the opposite. So given that I am going to be around a lot of people today my intention is to be open and connected to not just myself but also to everyone else and to allow the day to unfold free from expectations.
I also loved the reminder of the power and dedication to committing to intention. I have had many intentions most not been carried through. Living the intention consistently is what transforms or heals.
Hello Helen and I would love to hear how your day went. While Christmas day is a ‘special’ day for many of us it’s equally important to not put too much pressure on ‘the day’. If you have a consistency to what you are saying, in other words you live “open and connected” the best you can then that is what will be there on any day for you. In other words you will only be at any moment on any day the quality you have lived to that point. So if you get to Christmas Day and it goes astray don’t wait until next year to get it back on track, use every moment, every point, every step thereafter to be ‘all’ you want to be and then by next Christmas everything will be there.
Such a beautiful sharing with us Raymond. If there is one thing that everyone could learn about this time of year and that is ‘togetherness’ wouldn’t that be a real gift – comes in all shapes and sizes and a lot of fun. Certainly no stress involved with that.