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Everyday Livingness
Friendships, Relationships 827 Comments on Connecting to People: No Such Thing as ‘Strangers’

Connecting to People: No Such Thing as ‘Strangers’

By Mariette Reineke · On April 10, 2016 ·Photography by Benkt van Haastrecht

While I was standing in the local tool shop today, I shared with the lovely men working there that I needed help fixing some things in my house. I started talking to the man next to me and he offered to help me. Just two minutes later we were in my house, sharing time and chatting about life while he was drilling holes in my wall to hang a mirror. At some point he shared that he was surprised that he was telling all these things about his personal life to a stranger.

I had to go back to the shop to borrow an electric screwdriver and when I got back, I shared with him that his words had stayed with me.

“You know what,” I said, “For me there is no such thing as strangers. I want to be open and be myself with everybody, even if I have just met them. I don’t feel there should be a difference. If there is then I ask myself, and feel, what I am projecting onto that other person that I am not being as open with.”

I pondered on this a little bit more during my day.

Why do we see people as strangers and what kind of effect does this have on our ability to connect with each other? Even the word ‘stranger’ carries a distance in it, where it feels strange, or even odd, that I could not allow myself to be fully open with that person, just because I have never met them before.

When we meet somebody for the first time, at times we have this tendency to hold back, to be reserved, maybe to judge the other by his or her appearance, how he/she acts or behaves and how he/she responds to us. Do we protect ourselves because we don’t know the other person? For me as a woman, I might hold back with a man that I have never met before and who is in my house, helping me hang up my mirror on the wall.

I chose to not hold back because it felt lovely to have this man in my house. Does this mean that I would invite anybody into my house? No, it doesn’t, because that wouldn’t be honouring of myself. The thing is I felt a connection and trust with the man at the shop from the first moment I met him and therefore I did not see him as a stranger.

For me there is no such thing as strangers, as we are all connected. Everybody is equal, regardless of where we come from, what we do, or the way we look. We are all one and the same within, each one of us, with unique qualities and talents. We all make different choices, yes, and we may live a thousand miles apart, but to me we are all one big family.

Knowing this, with every person I meet I can make the choice to meet them as loved family members or if I do hold back and find myself judging or thinking that I cannot say this or that or be this or that, then I know that I have allowed in the false idea of the stranger, the idea that I have to be different with certain people and that I cannot be open and loving with those that I meet for the first time.

It feels very freeing to be in life like this and to share myself and my love with everyone.

Now my mirror and paintings are hanging on the wall and it feels wonderful. Not only because they are finally hanging, but also because I was open to connecting and had invited someone into my home who helped me a great deal with something I could never have done on my own.

Taking the ‘old’ belief of the ‘stranger’ out of my life more and more, allows me to be more open, spontaneous, joyful and deeply connected with everybody and this feels great. I am now connecting more to all of humanity – I see the whole of humanity as my family! GREAT!

Every day I meet new people, chat with somebody on the street, in a shop, in the gym, at work or in the tram, say hello to people in the park, make eye contact, ask the supermarket assistant how she is doing, ask my neighbour for support when needed, give a compliment to somebody or start a conversation. I feel more connected with all those around me, close by and far away.

This blog is inspired by Universal Medicine and all those gorgeous people out there in the world that I meet every day.

By Mariette Reineke, Holland

Further Reading:
The simplicity of true intimacy
Heaven’s Joy – Deep Connection
A Feeling of Connection

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Mariette Reineke

Living in Amsterdam (NL), with a lot of joy, like to keep things simple and light. I love people and I love early mornings. I am one of the directors of Self-Care Consultancy, I give esoteric healing sessions and I serve breakfast in a hotel. Great at writing, organizing, blogging and being silly. I live with my gorgeous partner, I always have almond nuts in my bag and I have two amazing sisters.I am learning to let people in, all people and every day gives me plenty of opportunities. I love my soft blanket, my pyjamas, avocados and watching a series on DVD.

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827 Comments

  • Julie Matson says: August 10, 2017 at 10:48 pm

    Recently I met a lovely gentle man and his daughter, and although we have only met on the street three times now there was an openness with regards to how his daughter was communicating with us. Then all of a sudden he explained his life and how he ended up in the situation he now found himself in. Whilst he was speaking it was as if time stood still, and he was being held in that moment to express and heal. This proved to me that we do not have to do anything, just be ourselves and listen.

    Reply
  • Sylvia Brinkman says: August 9, 2017 at 4:28 am

    The most beautiful meetings are for me if I meet new people and we have this connection and stillness in the eyes. This opening up to each other without any needs, just connection, that place where we connect to the all.

    Reply
  • chris james says: July 27, 2017 at 3:41 am

    What a beautiful reflection of the light that you bring to the world Mariette

    Reply
  • Vanessa McHardy says: July 9, 2017 at 2:31 pm

    This raises a lot of questions for me to look at, as I definitely do not treat everyone the same and not like family if they are strangers, sometimes I do but mostly not. But what I have noticed recently is because I am willing to look at how I am living and the choices I am making when I am open and unprotected with someone they often are very honest, for example at the checkout yesterday I asked the man at the till how he was and he said fine, then paused and said he was really tired and that he had woken too early. I loved how honest he was and how willing he was to share this with me. There is so much more depth to our living that we can go to.

    Reply
  • Kelly Zarb says: July 8, 2017 at 9:41 am

    I find when I identify people as being a certain way for instance a family member or a stranger then I can limit or allow more of me to come out depending on how i have identified them which blocks not only my natural expression to be honest and transparent with everyone but it also holds the other person in a holding pattern too. Loosing the identities and or picture of the people we are with makes everyone equal and then we can express freely with all we come into contact with. Today I needed to have a blood test and even though the nurse who was assisting seemed to be in a rush as there was a lot of patients waiting. I calmly asked her how she was and that I was a little scared about getting a blood test, her whole demeanour changed from one of rush to one of complete warmth and care. We had a lovely conversation about her son and her day and it just shows we can connect with everyone when we are connected to ourselves first, without the images or placing people in an identity box that cuts the natural joy of interaction with others.

    Reply
  • Shirley Scott says: June 30, 2017 at 10:19 am

    Yes we are all connected and in essence equal, therefore no strangers. How this is lived out in our world today is a challenge for each and every one of us. What you have shared in this blog Mariette is great example and inspiration of how to truly connect, with love, truth and acceptance.

    Reply
  • Roslyn Mahony says: June 28, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    This is a great blog to re read Mariette. I too would like to be as brave as yourself to allow a person into my home who I would have called a “stranger” I totally see where you are coming from and I agree there can be no strangers in this world if we are all one and equal in the eyes of God.

    Reply
  • Kim Weston says: June 27, 2017 at 8:02 pm

    I love that the more we open to love within, we open to the love of others, as is the same with trust.

    Reply
    • Chan Ly says: August 15, 2017 at 5:07 pm

      Very true Kim, I have found the more trusting, loving and open I am with myself, the more I am like this with others. I have met a lot of people who outright say they don’t trust people. What I realise is that if we haven’t let go of our old hurts, our holding on to hurts tend to distort our view of life and our relationship with people.

      Reply
  • Leigh Strack says: June 26, 2017 at 7:44 pm

    This article has made me ponder on my own choice to be open and loving in my life, it has also revealed to me that there are areas where I choose to be reserved and to hold back from fully allowing myself to be seen and to share my love unashamedly. Thank you Mariette, your words are an inspiration to continue to live with an open heart and being honest as to where there is a holding back of the natural beauty and tenderness that I hold within.

    Reply
  • Sandra Williamson says: June 24, 2017 at 4:58 am

    I was chatting with a friend just two days ago and we shared the same understanding as you have. We are not really alone if we are open to letting people in, asking for support where needed or simply taking a moment to meet someone with our loveliness and share the openness of our eyes and our hearts.

    Reply
  • Liane Mandalis says: June 23, 2017 at 4:44 am

    Beautifully said Mariette. We are not strangers to each other, but it is strange that we think we are.

    Reply
  • Tricia Nicholson says: June 22, 2017 at 3:06 pm

    What a beautiful reflection and appreciation of the joy we get when connecting to others and by building a deeper connection with our own relationship with our selves we become so much more open and loving with everyone and begin to live the oneness of who we truly are.

    Reply
  • Elodie Darwish says: June 22, 2017 at 7:04 am

    Beautiful Mariette. It does feel so natural when you meet someone for the first time yet something about them feels age old. I find this happens with children a lot, possibly because they are less guarded and so the connection is easier to make.

    Reply
  • Nico van Haastrecht says: June 20, 2017 at 11:52 am

    There can only be strangers in your life if you are a stranger for yourself. In connecting to oneself and in the learning who you are, you can recognise that you are completely equal to all others and consequently the word stranger can be taken out of our vocabulary.

    Reply
  • Nikki McKee says: June 6, 2017 at 4:23 am

    Reading this I could feel the protection that we put on and take off all day long. How tiring! Why not just leave it off? Maybe it’s uncomfortable to leave it off as we are so used the feeling of having it on, but if we really tune into how it feels to have it on, that’s mighty uncomfortable.

    Reply
  • Samantha England says: May 31, 2017 at 6:34 am

    When we truly meet another, it is a reflection of the divine we see.

    Reply
  • Shirl Scott says: May 22, 2017 at 8:15 pm

    What a gorgeous story of openness, trust and connecting with people. I really appreciate what you have presented here, that being there are no strangers; everyone is treated with respect, love and equality.

    Reply
  • Jill Steiner says: May 4, 2017 at 6:42 am

    It is in trusting what we feel and discern from there that we can open up and let others in, when connected to our inner heart we know we are all connected by love at our very core, when the heart leads the way there are no strangers, for we are all family.

    Reply
  • Ingrid Ward says: April 26, 2017 at 6:00 pm

    I agree that “the word ‘stranger’ carries a distance in it” as if there is already a wall built between you and the other person, just in case you need to hide behind it. I was fortunate to be raised not to consider others as strangers but to treat each person as a friend in waiting. You never know what a smile and a warm greeting may lead to.

    Reply
  • Nicola Lessing says: April 26, 2017 at 6:50 am

    I have always found it very easy to openly chat to people in shops, in the streets, so called strangers etc and have them share many intimate things. I have observed that many others have the same experience, but strangely (pun intended) can have more difficulty with those that are supposed to be friends, family or close to them. Interesting to consider how the vast proportion of abuse and violence happens in the home environment and it is those that purport to love each other that can often attack – so who are the strangers here?

    Reply
    • Sandra Williamson says: June 24, 2017 at 5:02 am

      Great point Nicola, why would we need to protect ourselves from those we consider nearest and dearest? What do we invest into these relationships so we start to act and think in a certain way – a way that takes us away from truth? Interesting we don’t invest in the same way with someone we don’t know.

      Reply
  • Arthey says: April 21, 2017 at 5:03 pm

    It’s great to treat the whole of humanity as one big family, for that we are. It is also wise to look after ourselves first and foremost and in that we honour ourselves and what is true for us at any given time. This then bestows honour on another whether we welcome them into our home or not.

    Reply
  • Amita says: April 18, 2017 at 6:22 am

    When we meet people and are open, we can feel that connection from another, often others are also sacred and closed, but if we are open we give them a chance to open up. It is about feeling and discerning energy and you would never just invite anyone to your house unless you felt the connection of trust.

    Reply
  • Shami says: April 13, 2017 at 5:16 am

    It is amazing to take out the exclusivity of friendships and to just consider the whole of humanity as part of the same one family, regardless of all our different choices, essentially and at the core we are all made of the same stuff and so there can really be an instant bond because we all have so much in common.

    Reply
  • Melinda Knights says: April 4, 2017 at 8:06 pm

    Mariette, I realised reading how we use the outer world and it’s inhabitants as a gauge for how to be, instead of connecting to ourselves and offering the same open and loving self to all. It’s much simpler this way and less stressful for the body!

    Reply
  • Francisco Clara says: March 30, 2017 at 8:11 pm

    It is truly freeing when we let go of limiting beliefs we hold about family and can see that our whole community is one big family and it is through our own commitment to connect and embrace all equally that we can experience true brotherhood in the world.

    Reply
  • Julie Matson says: March 26, 2017 at 4:35 pm

    Travelling the London Tube has been a great reflection for me to observe how open I am with people, and usually I can feel that everyone is in their own mind space and basically ignoring everyone around them, but recently something changed in me that was significantly different than previous travels – I felt such a level of acceptance for everyone that it felt to me that I knew everyone as if they were my personal family, no barriers, no judgments, just totally at ease.

    Reply
  • Samantha England says: March 13, 2017 at 7:22 pm

    Recently I have been meeting a lot of new people and I have been amazed at how open people can be, I love the fact that we will always have more in common then we think and that commonality is divinity. We all hold the divine and connecting with others is an opportunity to see we are so much more then just human.

    Reply
  • Meg Valentine says: March 5, 2017 at 9:46 pm

    I love that – there are no such thing as strangers, we’re all human and the depth of one second of connection with someone you’ve never met before on the street proves that there is not really such a thing as a “stranger”.

    Reply
  • Roslyn Mahony says: March 2, 2017 at 7:25 am

    This is a revealing sharing Mariette, one we all need to acknowledge. To say that there is no such thing as a stranger makes sense to me, even when we feel that there is no real connection to another there is the opportunity for us all to open ourselves up and include that opportunity to get to know someone better.

    Reply
  • Shami says: February 28, 2017 at 4:39 pm

    The question is asked here about why we protect ourselves from eachother, which is a great question because it requires anyone who reads it to be honest about the fact that we do protect and, how in this protection we are essentially shutting down our hearts, which do not discriminate or judge.

    Reply
  • Willem Plandsoen says: February 27, 2017 at 8:41 am

    Indeed why not meet anybody, as it would be a friend for life. How would you meet anybody if you would know that you would be friends for the rest of your life?

    Reply
  • Francisco Clara says: February 23, 2017 at 6:06 am

    When in connection with whom we are we can meet life with an open heart where there is no separation or differences only a feeling and knowing of what we have walked away from- that is a love that holds us equally and that is the innate right of being.

    Reply
  • Kristy says: February 1, 2017 at 4:50 am

    I can feel that at times I am guarded when I meet people and this is not my true nature. I am learning to open up and not let this be there. As I read your blog I could feel an expansiveness and opening up across my heart. I allowed me the space to reflect on close relationships and how I am within those and the changes I can make to be more of myself in these.

    Reply
  • Mary-Louise Myers says: January 18, 2017 at 8:05 pm

    Many people are not used to being totally accepted for who they are so when this happens they often settle into their body and share them self openly.

    Reply
  • Mary Adler says: December 30, 2016 at 3:32 pm

    Beautiful Mariette. Now every time you look in your mirror you will see the reflection of the meeting you had with the man who helped you hang the mirror.

    Reply
  • Vicky Cooke says: December 21, 2016 at 6:25 pm

    Throughout my life I have met, spoken with and worked with many many people and none of them have felt like strangers to me that is because in truth we are not strangers it is just the hurts, protection and lack of connection with ourselves that makes us who we are.

    Reply
  • Vicky Geary says: December 1, 2016 at 4:01 am

    The moment we meet someone that we feel like we have known forever, we are being reminded that we are not strangers at all. Even if we don’t feel that straight away, if we take the time to connect with someone it is there in an instant.

    Reply
  • Sandra Williamson says: November 30, 2016 at 7:45 am

    There is so much light and lovely willingness shared in your being open with everyone equally. How simple is this to paly with in our day, bringing a greater awareness what part we hold in how another feels. Being open and warm without judgment can support another to trust to open up to meet us in return or the next person, What matters is what we offer that supports another to trust in offering themselves – just like you handyman.

    Reply
  • Kelly Zarb says: November 4, 2016 at 8:08 am

    I love the magic connections that happen all around us when we are at ease and open. A little while ago at work I was trying to figure out how to repair a broken item in my shop and I had a lovely gentleman offer to give me some advice on how to repair it. In our willingness to welcome everyone into our hearts it makes room for amazing things to happen anywhere and at anytime.

    Reply
  • Victoria Picone says: November 1, 2016 at 5:16 pm

    It is very true, who are the ‘strangers’. They are people just like us. It is lovely to be met very openly by another, and it builds trust where there may have been protection.

    Reply
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