While I was standing in the local tool shop today, I shared with the lovely men working there that I needed help fixing some things in my house. I started talking to the man next to me and he offered to help me. Just two minutes later we were in my house, sharing time and chatting about life while he was drilling holes in my wall to hang a mirror. At some point he shared that he was surprised that he was telling all these things about his personal life to a stranger.
I had to go back to the shop to borrow an electric screwdriver and when I got back, I shared with him that his words had stayed with me.
“You know what,” I said, “For me there is no such thing as strangers. I want to be open and be myself with everybody, even if I have just met them. I don’t feel there should be a difference. If there is then I ask myself, and feel, what I am projecting onto that other person that I am not being as open with.”
I pondered on this a little bit more during my day.
Why do we see people as strangers and what kind of effect does this have on our ability to connect with each other? Even the word ‘stranger’ carries a distance in it, where it feels strange, or even odd, that I could not allow myself to be fully open with that person, just because I have never met them before.
When we meet somebody for the first time, at times we have this tendency to hold back, to be reserved, maybe to judge the other by his or her appearance, how he/she acts or behaves and how he/she responds to us. Do we protect ourselves because we don’t know the other person? For me as a woman, I might hold back with a man that I have never met before and who is in my house, helping me hang up my mirror on the wall.
I chose to not hold back because it felt lovely to have this man in my house. Does this mean that I would invite anybody into my house? No, it doesn’t, because that wouldn’t be honouring of myself. The thing is I felt a connection and trust with the man at the shop from the first moment I met him and therefore I did not see him as a stranger.
For me there is no such thing as strangers, as we are all connected. Everybody is equal, regardless of where we come from, what we do, or the way we look. We are all one and the same within, each one of us, with unique qualities and talents. We all make different choices, yes, and we may live a thousand miles apart, but to me we are all one big family.
Knowing this, with every person I meet I can make the choice to meet them as loved family members or if I do hold back and find myself judging or thinking that I cannot say this or that or be this or that, then I know that I have allowed in the false idea of the stranger, the idea that I have to be different with certain people and that I cannot be open and loving with those that I meet for the first time.
It feels very freeing to be in life like this and to share myself and my love with everyone.
Now my mirror and paintings are hanging on the wall and it feels wonderful. Not only because they are finally hanging, but also because I was open to connecting and had invited someone into my home who helped me a great deal with something I could never have done on my own.
Taking the ‘old’ belief of the ‘stranger’ out of my life more and more, allows me to be more open, spontaneous, joyful and deeply connected with everybody and this feels great. I am now connecting more to all of humanity – I see the whole of humanity as my family! GREAT!
Every day I meet new people, chat with somebody on the street, in a shop, in the gym, at work or in the tram, say hello to people in the park, make eye contact, ask the supermarket assistant how she is doing, ask my neighbour for support when needed, give a compliment to somebody or start a conversation. I feel more connected with all those around me, close by and far away.
This blog is inspired by Universal Medicine and all those gorgeous people out there in the world that I meet every day.
By Mariette Reineke, Holland
Further Reading:
The simplicity of true intimacy
Heaven’s Joy – Deep Connection
A Feeling of Connection
860 Comments
What a beautiful reflection and appreciation of the joy we get when connecting to others and by building a deeper connection with our own relationship with our selves we become so much more open and loving with everyone and begin to live the oneness of who we truly are.
Beautiful Mariette. It does feel so natural when you meet someone for the first time yet something about them feels age old. I find this happens with children a lot, possibly because they are less guarded and so the connection is easier to make.
There can only be strangers in your life if you are a stranger for yourself. In connecting to oneself and in the learning who you are, you can recognise that you are completely equal to all others and consequently the word stranger can be taken out of our vocabulary.
Reading this I could feel the protection that we put on and take off all day long. How tiring! Why not just leave it off? Maybe it’s uncomfortable to leave it off as we are so used the feeling of having it on, but if we really tune into how it feels to have it on, that’s mighty uncomfortable.
When we truly meet another, it is a reflection of the divine we see.
What a gorgeous story of openness, trust and connecting with people. I really appreciate what you have presented here, that being there are no strangers; everyone is treated with respect, love and equality.
It is in trusting what we feel and discern from there that we can open up and let others in, when connected to our inner heart we know we are all connected by love at our very core, when the heart leads the way there are no strangers, for we are all family.
I feel conflict between what I have been told about ‘strangers’ and what my heart says about other people. My learned response is to be cautious and rather aloof with strangers, but my heart yearns to be open and to reconnect. When I allow my heart to ‘win the day’, I generally find that the other person responds equally, with warmth and openness. As Marietta says, this doesn’t mean that I invite everyone into my home regardless but that I trust what I feel and discern.
I agree that “the word ‘stranger’ carries a distance in it” as if there is already a wall built between you and the other person, just in case you need to hide behind it. I was fortunate to be raised not to consider others as strangers but to treat each person as a friend in waiting. You never know what a smile and a warm greeting may lead to.
I have always found it very easy to openly chat to people in shops, in the streets, so called strangers etc and have them share many intimate things. I have observed that many others have the same experience, but strangely (pun intended) can have more difficulty with those that are supposed to be friends, family or close to them. Interesting to consider how the vast proportion of abuse and violence happens in the home environment and it is those that purport to love each other that can often attack – so who are the strangers here?
Great point Nicola, why would we need to protect ourselves from those we consider nearest and dearest? What do we invest into these relationships so we start to act and think in a certain way – a way that takes us away from truth? Interesting we don’t invest in the same way with someone we don’t know.
It’s great to treat the whole of humanity as one big family, for that we are. It is also wise to look after ourselves first and foremost and in that we honour ourselves and what is true for us at any given time. This then bestows honour on another whether we welcome them into our home or not.
When we meet people and are open, we can feel that connection from another, often others are also sacred and closed, but if we are open we give them a chance to open up. It is about feeling and discerning energy and you would never just invite anyone to your house unless you felt the connection of trust.
It is amazing to take out the exclusivity of friendships and to just consider the whole of humanity as part of the same one family, regardless of all our different choices, essentially and at the core we are all made of the same stuff and so there can really be an instant bond because we all have so much in common.
Mariette, I realised reading how we use the outer world and it’s inhabitants as a gauge for how to be, instead of connecting to ourselves and offering the same open and loving self to all. It’s much simpler this way and less stressful for the body!
It is truly freeing when we let go of limiting beliefs we hold about family and can see that our whole community is one big family and it is through our own commitment to connect and embrace all equally that we can experience true brotherhood in the world.
Travelling the London Tube has been a great reflection for me to observe how open I am with people, and usually I can feel that everyone is in their own mind space and basically ignoring everyone around them, but recently something changed in me that was significantly different than previous travels – I felt such a level of acceptance for everyone that it felt to me that I knew everyone as if they were my personal family, no barriers, no judgments, just totally at ease.
Recently I have been meeting a lot of new people and I have been amazed at how open people can be, I love the fact that we will always have more in common then we think and that commonality is divinity. We all hold the divine and connecting with others is an opportunity to see we are so much more then just human.
I love that – there are no such thing as strangers, we’re all human and the depth of one second of connection with someone you’ve never met before on the street proves that there is not really such a thing as a “stranger”.
I have become a lot more spontaneous about speaking to people I don’t know when I am out and about, but invariably we are all doing the same things, or in the same queue or whatever and it feels crazy to play this game of all being in our own bubbles.
This is a revealing sharing Mariette, one we all need to acknowledge. To say that there is no such thing as a stranger makes sense to me, even when we feel that there is no real connection to another there is the opportunity for us all to open ourselves up and include that opportunity to get to know someone better.
The question is asked here about why we protect ourselves from eachother, which is a great question because it requires anyone who reads it to be honest about the fact that we do protect and, how in this protection we are essentially shutting down our hearts, which do not discriminate or judge.
Indeed why not meet anybody, as it would be a friend for life. How would you meet anybody if you would know that you would be friends for the rest of your life?
When in connection with whom we are we can meet life with an open heart where there is no separation or differences only a feeling and knowing of what we have walked away from- that is a love that holds us equally and that is the innate right of being.
Its so true we don’t need to know anything about someone to open our hearts and be all the love that we are with them, and to know that they too are that same love.
I can feel that at times I am guarded when I meet people and this is not my true nature. I am learning to open up and not let this be there. As I read your blog I could feel an expansiveness and opening up across my heart. I allowed me the space to reflect on close relationships and how I am within those and the changes I can make to be more of myself in these.
Many people are not used to being totally accepted for who they are so when this happens they often settle into their body and share them self openly.
Beautiful Mariette. Now every time you look in your mirror you will see the reflection of the meeting you had with the man who helped you hang the mirror.
Throughout my life I have met, spoken with and worked with many many people and none of them have felt like strangers to me that is because in truth we are not strangers it is just the hurts, protection and lack of connection with ourselves that makes us who we are.
The moment we meet someone that we feel like we have known forever, we are being reminded that we are not strangers at all. Even if we don’t feel that straight away, if we take the time to connect with someone it is there in an instant.
There is so much light and lovely willingness shared in your being open with everyone equally. How simple is this to paly with in our day, bringing a greater awareness what part we hold in how another feels. Being open and warm without judgment can support another to trust to open up to meet us in return or the next person, What matters is what we offer that supports another to trust in offering themselves – just like you handyman.
I love the magic connections that happen all around us when we are at ease and open. A little while ago at work I was trying to figure out how to repair a broken item in my shop and I had a lovely gentleman offer to give me some advice on how to repair it. In our willingness to welcome everyone into our hearts it makes room for amazing things to happen anywhere and at anytime.
It is very true, who are the ‘strangers’. They are people just like us. It is lovely to be met very openly by another, and it builds trust where there may have been protection.
It’s funny how we categorise others into this or that which then changes how we interact with them. It’s definitely not something love would do, so who is running the show when we do that? Oh, of course, the spirit and it’s clever antics. Not one to entertain true relationship in case it gets exposed.
I know that when I connect to new people I can either be open and let them see all of me or I can guard myself. When I am feeling open and amazing the world responds to this openness and I feel at one with both myself and with others. When I guard myself the whole world can feel and sense that there is an anxiety in me and also withdraw. When we take responsibility for engaging with the world we are opening ourselves to the Universe.
Simply saying hello to the people I see regularly, like the ticket collector at my local station, starts to build relationships. I have recently started to drive to work so when I had to take the train the other day he greeted me with a big smile and said, “long time no see.” We had a little chat and I went on my way. The more I am open to connecting with others, the more I agree that there are no such things as strangers.
Mariette, it’s lovely to read your blog and consider your words about being equally ourselves with everyone, and expressing our love the same equal way. The word “stranger” can conjure up fear and apprehension, because it can carry a negative connotation of potential danger. But there is always the potential to share our love with another, and as you say, even if it’s meeting for the first time and then never seeing each other again – why hold back the love we so naturally are?
By being open and friendly with the check out staff at my local supermarket, I have got to know some of them quite well, and today even though they were busy serving other customers as I went by the check outs on the way out a few said hello and smiled. It was such a lovely gesture on their part that in spite of their business they still had time to say hello. I was very touched.
I feel the freedom and simplicity of a child when I am my spontaneous self, just connecting with life in whatever way it presents. It becomes all one, no different to meeting a stranger, a friend, men , women, my body has a deepening connection to the intimacy and love I feel with all and it continues to deepen.
The definition of the word ‘stranger’ is noted as one who is unaccustomed to a feeling, experience or situation. How far is that from the truth that we know when we engage in a conversation with another about the simple things in life and a resounding – I agree or I know where your coming from is the core of the interaction between two people?
This is such a game changer, to view people from the point of view of how connected we all are, and that no one is any better or lesser than another. I am so glad that I am opening up more and more to others.